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#i deserve to die for whatever goes on in my head its so blasphemous to existence itself its pointless to even exist anymore
aashiqq
·
1 month
Text
I lied
#so
#dni
#idek where to start man
#the first thing i can remember is that im a misogynist now apparently
#wait not now
#ive always been
#that i judge girls for living their life and guys for having what I don't have
#surely not what i want to be like literally the last thing i want to be is a misogynist
#the world is not a sunshine place i imagine it to be where nobody is a racist or sexist or homophobic or ableist and everybody sings hakuna
#matata or sunshine songs its pathetic it makes me wanna vomit i want to be happy but it forces me to become nihilistic with my thoughts
#its fucked up its just so rotten at its core that even the smallest emotions feels like a huge generosity from the gods themselves
#im at the pojnt in my life thaf if i dont act now im going to lose the years ive already lost
#my entirety of teenage is gone now and im unprepared and unequipped to fight around for my life
#im left catching up and apparently ive been sleeping on the track even though im the turtle
#it fucking sucks to be me yk
#im so so soo self centred btw i cant think of others i cant care for others unless its about me somehow
#i deserve to die for whatever goes on in my head its so blasphemous to existence itself its pointless to even exist anymore
#i have everything a person could ask for
#loving parents a normal life a good college friends who care for me and who i care for not that financially fucked up a good career
#lined up in the future
#i could be stable yk i could be happy grateful satistfied
#i should even be working harder to achieve what i want without losing up on reality chasing my dreams
#and what do i do
#what the fuck do i do?????
#cry over a girl just because she was supposed to *save* her virginity for when we got married???????
#how stupid is that?????
#she doesnt owe me anything she can do what she wants with her life she isnt someone i control or any such thing
#who am i to judge people im literally just a loser npc simpleton who's been left alone and normal so long he's forgotten how to exist
#i feel disgusted with myself
#its just like the times i have the wild theories about whos doing what behind my back
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