#was also lucky to get the pfizer one too

[matineemonsters]

Got my first vaccine yesterday and have been mostly fine, though I slept even more like the dead than unusual and the lymph node in my armpit is super sore

#i got really lucky #because everyone's had to fight to get an appointment and everyone i know had to travel outside of San Diego to get one #but i went online on Monday and got it on Wednesday and it was 15 minutes away #didn't take time off for this one but I'm taking 3 days off for the second one #I'm ready to be a corpse for 2 days after dose number two #me #was also lucky to get the pfizer one too

[ussjellyfish]

Is isolation depression a thing? It’s been 8 days of quarantine. Felix is mostly thrilled still. Loves Lion King, doesn’t nap well. Has a bit of cough, is mostly not sick. (lucky lucky lucky).

Felix getting COVID was the worst case scenario, with the absolute worst that we both got it and I was super sick and taking care of him would be hard. I don’t think I have it? I’d be surprised if my test came back positive.

Does that mean I’ll still get it? Will I get the next variant? is this enough exposure for my three shot vaccinated moderna + pfizer one two punch?

I’m still tired. I don’t feel sick buit I don’t want to do anything. (Felix wrangling is a LOT though he’s adorable.) Today he was into banging the whisk against the stove because it was loud and then got obsessed with the vacuum. He wanted more vacuum!

He still wants more vacuum.

He also loves my violin TOO much so I’ll have to save it for later. (he wants the bow, he wants to bang on it). I bought him a very sturdy toddler ukulele, so maybe he’ll like that?

Friday I can go to work! Will work still be in person? 14 people were absent last Friday. (that’s a lot, we only have like 70 people). How much of a mess will my classroom be?

[asknarashikari]

Hey, you might get lucky like I did, when I got both shots, I didn't feel any side effects, like at all.

When I got both Pfizer shots my arm felt quite sore. The second one was worse than the first, and I also got a slight fever, which is why I know this next shot is definitely gonna get me too.

[testratroi]

saturday, october 23, 2021.

I got my first Pfizer shot yesterday morning. the daily case numbers here are finally reaching the triple digits so I had to finally face my fear and get the shot. it’s not that I’m scared of the vaccine itself. it’s just that I have a deep rooted fear of needles ever since I was a child and the nurses delivering one of my childhood vaccinations restrained me whilst I was freaking out and jammed the needle into me really hard. I know my fear of needles is ridiculous - especially considering the fact I start nursing school next year - but sometimes you just can’t help the things that you’re scared of. I took two 1mg lorazepam tablets an hour before I went in, so the world felt really comfortable and safe. I also got the first of my HPV vaccines yesterday at the same time since my fear of needles stopped me from getting that when I was thirteen. the HPV needle hurt more to get than the Pfizer, but after I slept off the lorazepam, the arm that got the Pfizer shot hurt more, and definitely hurts a lot more today too.

it’s day 67 of this round of lockdown for us, and it is no where close to getting better. we were lucky enough to get our first delta case a little while after the rest of the world, so we had an idea of what we were up against, but that doesn’t mean it was easier for us to battle. our daily cases are rising and falling everyday, and it’s starting to get really hard to tell what the next day will bring. everyday feels the same, even though I’m allowed to go to work and see some friends. 

shitty weather today. super windy and gross with a constant threat of rain. my boyfriend is having what we call to be a ‘bad brain day’ so it’s a lot of cuddles and netflix required today. we’re almost done with our little renovation of the rooms that we’re looking to move into soon. we’re hoping to get it fully done in the next week so we can have some of our mates around for drinks and little bit of a house-warming (more of a garage-warming technically). I don’t really miss the realities of life outside of lockdown. in all actuality, i’m rather enjoying the thought of not having to suffer a really gruelling and nasty summer in the hospitality industry again. I do miss going to the library though. I really want to start reading again and get back into books. I have a new idea for my newly found hobby of crocheting, but it involves me having to go to the arts and craft store for some new yarn and that’s just such a mission that i’m really not keen on doing that. 

#journal #october #2021

[thessalian]

Thess vs Vaccine 1

So guess who got their first dose of COVID vaccine today?

Turns out that the various hospitals are more on the ball than the government (SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SUR-FUCKING-PRISE) and have managed to get enough Pfizer vaccine to vaccinate their staff. It’s a little first-come, first-serve and it probably shouldn’t be, but at the end of the day, I decided to go for it. My health’s not that great, I have an autoimmune thing, and I don’t know what happens if I get this COVID shit again (because it’s not only possible; at this point it’s fucking likely, and sometimes reinfection’s worse than the original infection so given how ill I felt when I was symptomatic in March last year? Don’t fancy being another warm body clogging a hospital bed or a cold body clogging a temporary morgue, thanks.)

(YES, WE DO HAVE EMERGENCY TEMPORARY MORGUES. Nightingale Morgues, if you will.)

So anyway! Things The Government Would Apparently Prefer You Not Know About COVID Vaccines Because The Economy, brought to you by Someone Who Spent Forty-Five Minutes Getting A Single Vaccination!

Unlike with, say, the MMR or flu vaccines, COVID vaccines are new enough that you have to sign a consent form. There will be questions. There should be questions. If a doctor has not asked you questions, gone through the information you will need and offered you answers to any questions you might have on the matter? Someone’s doing it wrong.

The vaccine does not prevent you from getting the virus, nor does it prevent you from carrying the virus, at least for awhile. No vaccine does, really. What a vaccine is there for is to teach your body how to fight the disease before it kills you. The COVID vaccine is no different except in how it teaches your body to fight the disease. If you have the COVID vaccine, you will still be able to be infectious - just for a shorter period of time. Having the vaccine does not give you carte blanche to let your guard - or, more to the point,  your mask - down. This also means that until everyone, or as close to everyone as we can get, is vaccinated, we’re still going to have to take every precaution.

The vaccine ... doesn’t always work. It’s not effective for something like 5% of people, and the vaccine’s too new for anyone to have figured out why it doesn’t work in that 5%. What this means is ... look, we can about manage what looks like herd immunity from any appreciable distance on 95% ‘immune’, but any more than that and we’re going to have a problem, particularly since, again, a vaccine doesn’t just automatically make the virus vanish from your system never to reappear! What I’m saying here is that if you’re nervous about vaccines, get over it and get the damn vaccine when you can or all of this is for nothing.

There are side effects. Like, “over one in ten will get this” side effects as well as, “approximately one in ten will get this” side effects and “one in every hundred will get this” side effects. Lucky me, some of the more common side effects are headaches. I was finally as over the last migraine as I ever get and now it’s all ramping back up again. Yay. Also my arm is sore and everyone expected that, which is why they didn’t want to give me the injection in my right arm, so as to spare my dominant hand.

I don’t know if you term this ‘side effect’, but I did feel somewhat light-headed for a few minutes after the vaccine. They were clearly expecting this, because after the injection part was done, they moved everyone to socially-distanced chairs with numbers on them ... probably so if anyone had a distinctly adverse reaction to the vaccine, they’d have the person’s details to hand and could update records etc. Did I mention that this is a new vaccine and we’re only a step off clinical trials?

None of this is meant to discourage you from getting the vaccine. Please, by all means, get it. All of this is better than having even a mild form of COVID. Just keep in mind that it’ll be a little scary and it’s not a magic bullet.

#Thess on COVID

[scorpion-flower]

TELLING YOU I HAVE PSYCHOTIC PARENTS WITHOUT TELLING YOU I HAVE PSYCHOTIC PARENTS VOL.26321

TODAY, I WAS PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO GET MY 2ND SHOT OF THE VACCINE AGAINST COVID.

BUT I WAS NOT PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO DO IT WITH WITH DECENCY AND IN MY OWN TERMS.

LET'S START BY SAYING THAT FOR SOME WEIRD REASON, MY MOTHER INVITED HERSELF AND CAME WITH ME. BUT EVEN BEFORE GETTING IN THE CAB, SHE WAS BITCHING ABOUT ME MISSING MY APPOINTMENT (WHICH I DIDN'T.)

I TOLD HER THAT I WOULDN'T TOLERATE THIS AND ASKED HER TO GIVE ME THE MONEY SHE HAD TAKEN WITH HER (FOR THE CAB) AND LET ME GO BY MYSELF.

OF COURSE SHE DENIED THAT AND CAME ALONG.

DURING THE WHOLE DRIVE THERE, SHE WAS STILL BITCHING ABOUT ME NOT MAKING IT THERE ON TIME AND KEPT ON TELLING ME HOW STUPID I WAS.

WHEN WE ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL, I RUSHED OUT OF THE CAR AND WALKED THROUGH THE GATE, WHERE I LET THEM KNOW THAT I WAS GETTING VACCINATED.

MY MOTHER OF COURSE WANTED TO FOLLOW, EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS TOLD TO WAIT OUTSIDE. SO WHAT DID SHE DO? SHE LIED TO THE GUARDS ABOUT ME HAVING A DISABILITY THAT REQUIRED SOMEONE TO BE WITH ME AT ALL TIMES.

NOW SEE, I DO HAVE AN AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE WHICH REQUIRES ME TAKING MEDICINES IN ORDER TO HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL. BUT THAT AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE ISN'T SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES ME NOT BEING LEFT ALONE AT ALL COSTS.

WHEN I GOT INSIDE THE HOSPITAL, I THOUGHT SHE WOULD AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO WAIT OUTSIDE. BUT NO. I ASKED HER TO NOT FOLLOW, EVEN THE HOSPITAL GUARDS HEARD ME AND TOLD THEM NO, BUT SHE LIED TO THEM AS WELL.

AND WHEN THE NURSE CALLED MY NAME, SHE CAME WITH ME TOO. SHE EVEN ATTEMPTED TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS I WAS ASKED AND ALSO THREW A HISSY FIT BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO GIVE ME THE WRONG VACCINE (FOR SOME REASON, SHE THOUGHT THAT THE 1ST DOSE WAS FROM MODERNA AND WAS SOCKED TO HEAR THAT THE 2ND ONE WOULD BE FROM PFIZER, EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER MANY TIMES THAT I WAS GETTING THE PFIZER ONE.)

AFTER VACCINATION, I WAS TOLD TO WAIT IN A HALL WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO BE SURE THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECTS.

OF COURSE, SHE WANTED TO FOLLOW ME THERE TOO.

ONE OF THE DOCTORS SAW HER AND TOLD HER TO GO OUTSIDE AND SHE MADE A WHOLE SCENE ABOUT ME BEING SICK. SHE EVEN TOLD THE DOCTOR TO 'PRAY FOR HER KIDS TO NEVER GET AS SICK AS I AM.' AND AGAIN, SHE GOT HER WISH.

WHILE WE WERE IN THE HALL, I TOLD HER -AS CALMLY AS I COULD- THAT SHE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF AND THAT SHE EMBARRASSES ME. SHE STARTED TO LAUGH AND CALLIING ME USELESS AND CRAZY.

AFTER 10 MINUTES PASSED, I WAS ALLOWED TO GO. SHE CAME OUTSIDE WITH ME WHERE I TOLD HER AGAIN THAT SHE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF. SHE STARTED LAUGHING AGAIN AND TOLD ME WHY I HAD ASKED HER TO COME IF I DIDN'T WANT HER WITH ME.

LET ME REMIND YOU THAT I NEVER ASKED HER TO ACCOMPANY ME. I ASKED TO GO ALONE AND SHE FORCED HERSELF INTO THE SITUATION. BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ABOUT HER!

MY REACTION WAS TO TELL HER TO GET AWAY FROM ME AND F*CK OFF AND STARTED TO QUICKLY WALK AWAY.

I DIDN'T CARRY MY WALLET WITH ME, SO I COULDN'T CALL A CAB AND I ALSO WASN'T FAMILIAR WITH THE AREA. SO I STARTED TO WALK THROUGH RANDOM STREETS AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS TO THE NEAREST BUS STATION.

FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, I WAS WALKING IN AN UNFAMILIAR NEIGHBORHOOD, TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO COME HOME.

MY MOTHER SPENT THE FIRST 45 MINUTES OF THAT ONE HOUR WALKING AFTER ME, SCREAMING MY NAME IN THE STREETS, LAUGHING MANIACALLY, MOCKING ME, CALLING ME INCOMPETENT, STUPID AND CRAZY AND ALL THAT WHILE SHE ALSO SCREAMED THAT I AM IN DANGER.

SHE GAVE UP AFTER 45, SO SHE TOOK A RIDE HOME AND I WAS FINALLY LEFT ALONE.

AND AFTER A WHILE, I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO LOCATE THE BUS STATION, SO I RETURNED HOME.

(BY THE WAY, I WALKED SO MUCH TODAY, THAT THERE'S AN OPEN WOUND ON MY RIGHT FOOT AND NOW I WALK FUNNY.)

AFTER COMING HOME, SHE HAD THE NERVE TO 'WELCOME' ME AT THE DOOR WHERE I TOLD HER AGAIN TO F*CK OFF BECAUSE I WAS REACHING MY BREAKING POINT.

I TOLD HER AGAIN THAT SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO WHAT SHE DID, LYING ABOUT ME, FOLLOWING ME ALL DAY AND BITCHING ALL THE TIME.

AND SHE REPLIED AGAIN WITH "BUT YOU ASKED ME TO COME WITH YOU." ANOTHER LIE, OF COURSE.

AFTER THAT, SHE TOLD ME TO SHUT UP AND GO IN MY ROOM.

RIGHT AFTER THAT, I STARTED TO TALK TO MY FATHER, ASKING HIM WHY WAS HE ENABLING HER ONCE MORE AND WHY DIDN'T HE STOP HER FROM COMING TODAY, SINCE HE IS VERY WELL AWARE OF HER BEHAVIOUR.

HIS ANSWER WAS TO TELL ME TO GO F*CK MYSELF BECAUSE HE WASN'T FEELING OK AND WASN'T IN THE MOOD FOR A FIGHT.

I PRETTY MUCH LOST MY SHIT THERE, BECAUSE I STARTED TO SCREAM AND CRY AND ASKED THEM WHY WERE THEY TREATING ME LIKE THAT AND WHY WERE THEY GETTING OFF OF MY MISERY.

I EVEN PUSHED MY MOTHER A COUPLE OF TIMES WHILE SHOUTING.

HER RESPONSE TO THAT WAS TO SCREAM THAT I HAD HIT HER IN THE EYE. ANOTHER LIE, AGAIN.

MY FATHER'S REACTION TO THAT, BEING THE GENTLEMAN THAT HE IS, WAS TO GRAB BOTH OF MY WRISTS VERY TIGHTLY AND ATTEMPT TO TWIST THEM.

HE ONLY STOPPED WHEN HE REALISED THAT I WASN'T GOING TO FALL DOWN AND ASK HIM TO STOP. I EVEN THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE IF HE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE TWISTING MY WRISTS THING.

AFTER THAT, I FINALLY WENT TO MY ROOM. I WAS A CRYING MESS WHEN MY BOYFRIEND CALLED ME AND ALL I COULD SAY WAS "WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERYDAY, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?"

WHILE I WAS TELLING HIM WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I COULD HEAR MOTHER THROUGH THE LOCKED DOOR LAUGHING MANIACALLY AND CALLING ME NAMES.

AND THAT PRETTY MUCH WRAPS THE STORY UP.

HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT I HATE THEM AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM DEAD?

BY THE WAY SORRY FOR THE CAPITALS MY PHONE HAS GLITCHED AND DOESN'T LET ME TO SWITCH.

#SCORPION-FLOWER #WE WERE THE KINGS AND THE QUEUES #TW: ABUSE #pro vaccines #pro vaccination #LONG POST #ABUSIVE PARENTS

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #353

“well i’m a creep  /  i’m a weirdo  /  what the hell am i doing here?  /  i don’t belong here”

If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world for a one week vacation, where would you choose to go? For just one week, um... maybe South Africa, actually. Two weeks would probably be more ideal, but I've learned via my friend who worked with the KMP for a year that it's very isolating and you're very disconnected from society (also from the Internet, haha), but regardless, I REALLY wanna see the meerkats. Especially with the heat and all, one week might actually be all right. How often do you get notifications on your favorite social media site? That would be Facebook, and it really depends on how much I share that day. Sometimes I barely touch it, and sometimes I share a billion things and get a few notifications of people reacting. What’s something you’re actively trying to forget/care less about, if anything? Hi, have I told you about my breakup? What was the last encounter you had with a bug? Ugh, the fucking house is having an ant problem. Apparently, it's happened before here this time of year, so a couple times a days I find one on my arm or something and crush it. What is something considered “childish” that you still like or enjoy doing? I'm certain some people would consider RP childish, given it's essentially "make believe," and that's one reason I don't tell people about it. Name a song that you have a strong emotional connection to. Why is that song so important to you? The #1 song would be "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I've told why before and don't feel like doing it again. Is cannabis legal where you live? Nope, but it should be. How often do you walk your dog, if you have one? I don't have a dog. What is something you'd feel confident enough to give a presentation on? Me? Comfortable giving a presentation? Bitch please. Which CoVid vaccine did you receive, if any? I got Moderna. I wanted Pfizer, but supposedly they're the same thing, just different manufacterors. How do you feel you've made a difference in the world? I don't feel I have. But it's my goal in life to die feeling like I did. Do you eat any candies in a specific order? (ie: M&M's) I fucking read this as "candles" and was really confused. But anyway, yes, but not M&Ms; I only do that with candies that actually have unique tastes depending on color, like Skittles. What is one common childhood illness that you managed not to catch? I never got chickenpox. Is there an heirloom that has been passed down generations of your family? Probably, but I don't know about it. What is the most unique pet that you ever owned, or would like to? Hm. I'd say maybe a Chinese water dragon? People tend to not know what they are; they mistake them for iguanas all the time. Have you ever been in a bad car accident before? A bad one, no, but I've been in one, nevertheless. At the description of what happened though, the cop said we were extremely lucky we weren't flipped over. My mom's driving skill saved us. What is your favorite type of weather to experience? Snow! I like a steady pace of large flakes. Do you know your social security by heart? I don't, actually, but I did at one point. Now, I only know the last four digits. Would you move out your house if you could right now? Yes, even if we just moved here. Mom and I really, really don't like living in the suburbs. We miss being in the middle of nowhere. When is the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? Not since I last visited Sara's. Do you like being called baby? Not really. Like if it's from an s/o, it's all right, it's just really not my favorite. Have you ever slept in the same bed of the opposite sex? Yeah. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return the cart? I openly judge the fuck out of you if you don't. Do you think you would survive in the wilderness if you were abandoned there? I know I couldn't. Not in my shape. If you had a child at the age you’re at now, do you think you’d be a good parent? God, no. Do you eat your Oreos with milk? Yes. I strongly prefer them that way. Do you think French kissing is gross? I mean in concept I think it indisputably is, like even if you brush your tongue, it's still just... gross. But that doesn't mean I'm against it at all or won't do it when I love somebody. It's an "I accept you and your germs" thing, haha. Are you wearing make-up? What brand(s)? No. I pretty much never wear makeup anymore, even to take pictures. The last male you spoke to…is he attractive? That would be my psychiatrist, and I'm not attracted to him, no. He's like another dad to me. Have you ever had mice in your house? Back when we lived in the woods, we would have a minor mouse problem in the winter sometimes. I fucking hated it because my parents used the inhumane traps, save for one. I guess it was an affordability thing, idk. One or two got caught in that one, and I would let them go outside. Do you enjoy working with animals? It depends on what I'm doing. If I'm cleaning up after an animal, NO, because I seriously struggle with stomaching it. I canNOT touch vomit or feces, so that kinda eliminates a lot of options. Because of how physically weak I am along with hyperhidrosis, I also can't really exert myself much, so there ya go, more reasons I can't. I wish I could. Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane? Plenty of hurricanes. If you're in a competition, are you in it to win it or just for the fun? The fun, experience, and growth. What's your favorite show on Comedy Central? I don't watch it. Which love story would you want your life to turn out like? I don't know, really. Do you usually go to sleep before or after the people you're living with? Before, at least usually. Are you into ripped jeans? Yes, though I don't wear jeans anymore. Have you ever been to any Disney parks? Yeah, Disney World in Florida. Which band has the best name, in your opinion? "Cradle of Filth" sounds pretty damn badass and unholy, I dig it. Do kids often knock on your door on Halloween? This will be our first year in this house during Halloween, so I really don't know if any will? I mean we live in a suitable neighborhood, so idk. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Sara. Do you share the same political views as your parents? Dad, no. Mom, some. Have you ever done any internship? No. What's the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures for someone. What's something your mother always says? "Drive like everyone else is stupid." It works though, haha. Always expect that someone you see might do something moronic and be prepared. For example, she is very adamant about us looking both ways when a light changes to green versus going immediately, and it's literally saved Mom's and my sister's lives. What's something your dad always says? To reach out to him if we ever need help with anything, and he'll do everything in his power to be there. What's your favorite thing to wear? Loose tank tops with loose-ish pj pants. What's your favorite day of the week? Nowadays, it's Fridays. Snake Discovery and The Dark Den both upload that day, haha. Do you have a favorite coloring book artist? Lisa Frank is the Wholesome Lead Bitch. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? Yeah, my sister. What's your favorite car? I am not NEARLY educated enough on cars to answer this. Why did you cry the last time you did? I'm seriously grieving Virginia. Her death has stricken me harder than any other I've experienced, even my own grandmother's. Who was the last person to piss you off? Probably someone on Facebook, but idr. Do you like winter? I love winter. Do you have a favorite flower? Yeah; I really like orchids. Dahlias are also gorgeous, and roses... Would you get a shamrock tattooed to your forehead for $5000? No. As great as that money sounds, tattoos are (relatively) permanent, and that would look pretty stupid imo. Are you very flexible? Not anymore. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Probably Mom. Do you have the right time set on your microwave? Yeah. Do you have any old newspaper articles? Why? No. Do you have a flat screen tv or just a regular box? Flat screen. Do you like Tootsie Rolls? Ugh, no. Do you like Slim Jim’s? Oh fuuuuuuck yeah man. What color is your mousepad? Black. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? I used to, but now I just leave 'em be. Would you date someone that had a different religion from you? It would depend on the religion and the intensity. I could NOT date someone exceptionally religious. A common question: What are you listening to? Caleb Hyles and Halocene's cover of Radiohead's "Creep." Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Well, I want at least a meerkat tattoo, so. I'll probably get a snake somewhere, too. Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? My older sister is a mammographer, and my little sister is a children's social worker. Saving lives, then there's me lmao. Who do you generally talk to the most? Mom and Sara. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender? Yeah, multiple times. Do you enjoy painting? Not really, no. I stress out about messing up. When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? Around a week ago, left shoulder, to get my first Covid vaccine. Is there a person you talk to everyday with? Well, considering I live with my mother... I usually talk to Sara too, but a day sometimes passes where we don't. Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent? Mom does that all the time about Dad. It's no shocker they're divorced. Dad's long since moved on and doesn't talk shit about her. Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? I actually don't remember... Someone on Facebook, I'm sure. Does your best friend have a job? Not right now, she's dealing with some wild health issues where it's much safer that she doesn't. When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? Well of course. I especially plan on visiting my mother at least once a week, either going to her place for dinner or her coming over to mine for the same. We're way too close for me to not see her. I'll still visit Dad, too. Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? It depends on what I had and if I know I'll eat it warmed up. What’s your favorite thing to have for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Why did you break your last promise? I barely EVER break promises, but this one I actually forgot I even made. ;_;

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''creep'' by radiohead

[xseildnasterces]

hype.

Yesterday I got my first covid vaccine. I feel so very lucky to be in a position to have already had it. The reason I can have it is due to having a medical condition that compromises my immune system. My appointment was at a medical centre in a part of DC that I had never been to before, so my plan was to adventure around the area after my vaccine. However, in typical unlucky tradition the weather was horrific torrential rain and there was little point in exploring. I did decide to walk home despite this and called my mum, and video called her the whole way home. It was so nice to be able to show her the city as I walked home and the architecture of all the beautiful old houses. I was completely and utterly drenched by the time I got home and needed to physically peel my wet jeans off me, but it was nice to actually get some fresh air, despite the rain.

Everything was so incredibly organised. There was a one-way system, everyone guided you around and everything was well signposted and quick and easy. I did have a slight issue with not having a DC ID, so I had to search through my phone for something that provide my address was based in the District. Thankfully I managed to find something otherwise I don’t know what would have happened. The vaccine was super quick, and it was done before I even had noticed – which is amazing for me as I hate needles, injections or anything else like that. I then had to sit down in an auditorium for fifteen minutes just to be sure everything was okay, and I had no strange reaction. I did feel a little lightheaded and had a little bit of a headache but nothing abnormal. My arm also went a little numb, but this is something I always get when I get blood taken or any other injection. I go back for my second vaccine in 3 weeks and then I will be fully vaccinated with the Pfizer vaccine! I am so incredibly happy about this because it’s the first step to feeling safe again in society.

My arm hurts a lot today. It feels warm, which is also totally normal for me after a jab. I cannot lean on my left arm, and I woke myself a little trying to sleep on it. I also cannot lift my left arm above my head, so doing yoga in a moment isn’t going to be a very easy task.

There are some very weird things going on at work right now which I do not feel that I can write out on the internet due to possible legal implications, but I genuinely didn’t think things could get any weirder. I was supposed to be off today, yet because of the unravelling situation I thought it was best to work – even if it was from home. I have no idea what will happen next, but I certainly believe our section is cursed.

My Finnish class is cancelled this weekend, so I am hoping that the return of the good weather means that I can head out somewhere with H, M and F. They have also invited me to go to Michigan with them in summer which I am so incredibly excited about. By then I will have had both vaccines and hopefully they will have had at least their first so we will feel much safer actually doing things inside and in closer proximity to one and other. The thought of actually getting to explore somewhere else in the US outside DC is so exciting and Michigan being known for it’s many lakes, like Finland, and its many Finnish Americans, sounds like a wonderful place to be. I will get to meet other members of H’s family and possibly celebrate Independence Day with them too! Last year I was home for July 4th and of course there was nothing going on anywhere in DC anyway due to the pandemic, so to actually be able to celebrate would be absolutely wonderful and an amazing experience. I feel excited.

I’m having ‘one of those days’ today. I just can’t be bothered to do anything. I have zero motivation, zero productivity and just want to do nothing. I don’t even want to read or watch anything, so I have found myself just sitting around, but I don’t want to do that either. I just don’t want to sleep or anything. I very much have the feeling of it being Groundhog Day and I am ready for something to change. Despite supposedly working today, I’ve just been so bored. Bored of everything and also sad and jealous that I’m not back home. I’m missing people as always, both those in my life and those not, and I just want a break. I want to travel; I want to go on vacation and just let go of all my cares and worries. I feel anxious too. Anxious about so many things I cannot even count. Anxious about: taking time off work; whether I will be allowed to work from the UK at all again this year, even for just a short period of time; when I will actually get home; whether the Abu Dhabi Congress will go ahead (and if my boss will allow me to go without taking leave); fitting everything in next year for my birthday; rescheduling appointments; going to a hair salon for the first time here; work; non-work; people. Just EVERYTHING. So much stress, so much anxiety, so much ‘I don’t know what to do with myself’.

[Blog title: Hype - Tegan and Sara].

#life #thoughts #feelings #memories #memory #thought #feeling #diary #journal #writing #therapy #me #update #personal #hype #tegan and sara

[ecollis241-blog]

Giving Thanks

Wow. The last year. 

My significant other’s mom pointed out to us what a great year it has been for us. Something I had thought in passing but not taking much consideration of. 

Backing up to winter 2019, I was really struggling as a human with my depression and anxiety. I also was working as an RA and senior nursing student. I was really struggling in my pediatrics class and my critical care class. I submitted a major assignment a few hours late and lost probably 15% off my grade for it. I rallied and passed the final but ended up not passing my pediatrics final. 

Somewhere near the end of that challenging semester, my patient in clinicals died following a traumatic code. I think we coded her for 2 hours. I did compressions 4 times one of which, they were intubating her. She was just in her 40s and with a young son. I still harbor some anger toward her and that situation. My family also suffered a loss of a close family friend who had pancreatic cancer. 

These academic struggles and personal struggles lead to me not being allowed to complete my BSN just 5 months before graduation (4 year program). 

I scattered to come up with a plan. Fortunately for me, my boyfriend and his mom were supportive of me despite my failures. I was able to graduate with a B.A. in Individualized program with a psychology minor. 

I really began working my job as a nursing assistant in late February into March 2020. Great timing if you recall. I am an essential worker and it was just what I needed. The ability to do good and distract myself. 

In the meantime, I was working on getting back into nursing school. I decided that financially the local community college was my best bet. I had to sit for the TEAs for the first time. Lucky for me, I got in! At our first orientation they mentioned that they had partnered with the hospital I work at to for a Nurse Apprenticeship where they would aid in paying for school and books while employing nursing students to work 1 shift as an aide and 1 as a nursing student. Only 5 spots open!

I whipped out my honesty and my references and GOT THE SPOT! I told them I essentially failed out of my other program and they ACCEPTED ME!

The timing was perfect because my unit was very stressful. My progressive unit was half COVID. I had not had any of my patients on my unit die during my shift until November. Then I had 5, most of which, had covid. I was really beginning to feel beaten down. Many of the nurses on my unit began to catch it too. 

My boyfriend was blessed in December to be accepted to a medical school!

Then on 12/29/20 I got the Pfizer vaccine!! I almost want to cry, I am ready for the light at the end of the tunnel. I have had side effects (fever, fatigue, malaise -- woot woot immune system!!!) on 1/2/21 which are all gone now.  My next one is on 1/21/21. 

I am incredibly blessed as I begin my new job and my second shot in nursing school!

#nursingschool #nursingstruggles #covidsucks #keepmovingforward #2021

[the-kiwi-ghost-blog]

Being Young And Using Generic Viagra Or Cialis

Avoid bitter and spicy food, alcohol intake, tobacco and irregular eating pattern to help the treatment to show its effects in short time. In my mind, canadian pharmaceuticals online these two articles show a conflict. In all of my years of careful research on Viagra and Cialis, this is the first time I have found this conflict. After almost four years in the natural health business, Barton Publishing has helped thousands by providing customers with 100% natural, 100% legitimate and 100% working remedies that cure! Are you suffering from erectile impotence and looking for a quick, simple way to cure ED naturally? For example, they may interact with other prescription drugs containing nitrates, which are often taken by people with diabetes or heart disease, and lower blood pressure to dangerous levels, the agency wrote. It will also result to dizziness, nervousness, insomia, nausea and could increase blood pressure. In the event your levels are so low then you need to eat or drink something regarding orange juice or chocolate to increase your glucose portions. It might be hard to adjust to, but you should know that millions of young men around the world are thanking their lucky stars that Viagra exists. Understanding the truth about the generic version of the drug will ensure that men with ED are able to make the best and most informed decision possible. As are other diagnostic services from laboratories. “We are pleased to work with Sanofi to pursue a path that could allow more men who suffer from E.D. Ever since, Sildenafil, which is found in Kamagra and Generic Viagra, has been the most popular PDE-5 inhibitor that men have been using to improve their performance in the bedroom, no matter their age. However, men and women who've cuts or sores on their feet may have difficulty taking frequent walks. 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How To Reverse Diabetic Erectile Dysfunction Gymnema is actually Ayurvedic herb that has been confirmed to help the pancreas produce insulin. Eating supportive and proper diet is equally necessary like herbal treatment to treat the problem of erectile dysfunction in old age. Males taking proper erectile dysfunction treatment can come out of the problem in a short duration and can regain their lost ability of making love and satisfying a woman. Dr. Smith explained following glucose (or sugar) accumulates in the blood and does not get some the cells it how can you treat diabetes cause you to get energy and feel distressed. Meditation and breathing exercises can keep stress away and relieves body and mind from tension to allow proper relaxation which is very essential to treat the problem of erectile dysfunction in old age. ED can also be caused by tobacco or alcohol use. You should try to lower your cholesterol intake by eliminating red meats, drinking fat free dairy and avoiding fattening foods (like fast food). One of the many herbal remedies you could try is gingko. 4. Herbal therapy has also become more and more popular as more and more side effects are discovered from ED medications. Men that suffer from impotence are often embarrassed by this legitimate medical condition. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is not a comfortable subject to discuss for most men. Please put "ADA Inquiry" in the subject line of your email. It helps the folks managing their diabetes and staying active and healthy. It is not uncommon for those premature aging components to affect our sexual health too. The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. Proper diet, healthy lifestyle, herbs and massages provide very effective and safe erectile dysfunction treatment. Cleveland Clinic: Sexual Dysfunction in Males.5. Viagra (sildenafil citrate) is one of the most widely distributed products worldwide. The ad features a middle-aged couple waking up and dancing together before a packet of Viagra Connect appears on screen. Pfizer described it as the “story of a couple reconnecting as much as it is about his new-found sense of vitality”. Pfizer had to deploy one of the most successful advertising campaigns in history to notch those sales. The change follows a lengthy review by the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA). However, it was first sold to the general public for its abilities to change things up in the bedroom. The herb is considered to be prefect in potent virility. 3.1 million for the treatments over a two-year period, according to a new internal report. ] An ACC/AHA expert consensus document suggests that nitrates may be considered 24 hours after sildenafil dosing.

[friday12econlive]

Economics: Retail Pharmacy

Health care workers were shaken to the core upon the uproar of the Covid-19 pandemic. Employees overworked, lack of space in hospitals, and inadequate supplies and knowledge of this new virus to adequately treat patients. On top of that, civilian hysteria. How may this pandemic affect non-first responder health care workers though? How were local everyday retail pharmacies affected? 

Some retail pharmacy hours were cut shorter by their corporations, by one or two hours. Pharmacies such as Rite Aid and Walgreens are closing their services an hour early to retail customers, just so they could catch up on filling medications and taking care of behind the counter responsibilities that patients typically do not see. The opportunity cost for the corporations that own these pharmacies was the loss of potential revenue in selling these prescriptions to customers. 

What are the trade offs? Enabling pharmacies to finish all their work, retail hours are cut so that they could prepare for the following day of sales, improving their work efficiency as there are no patients interrupting their workflow. Closing earlier causes the demographic of patients that would come late to pick up medication to be angered. By allowing a more efficient environment for the pharmacy staff, not all patients can conveniently come to pick up their medications. This causes an uproar of patient complaints and threats. The reward of helping people in their health care is reduced, and the work environment quality decreases for the pharmacy staff. 

Is it just because of the pandemic that pharmacies are struggling with workload? Retail pharmacies have always been understaffed and overworked. The concept of scarcity can be applied to the employees and staffing in pharmacies.  Each pharmacy has a budget for a set amount of pharmacists, technicians, and if they are lucky, clerks. If a pharmacist were to leave the pharmacy or not show up to a shift, the pharmacy would close down, causing a loss of revenue for the corporation.  It is common for corporations to have a pharmacy with two pharmacists split, and have one cover another store so that both locations can be open, without much thought of the workload increasing more than it already was. However, there is no incentive to cover another store. The opportunity cost is too large: you are unfamiliar with the demographic of the area, you have to travel out of your normal routine, and you must be there alone or with a team you are not family with. So finding coverage is difficult, and therefore understaffing is inevitable. Workloads increase as corporations allocate their employees and stretch them thin so that more pharmacies may remain open. 

Another new pharmacy responsibility was the administration of COVID-19 Vaccines. Controversy aside, with rules implementing entrances to businesses, schools, events, and more requiring vaccination upon entry, many people were coming to their local retail pharmacies to get their vaccines. The vaccine was government funded and free to the public receiving vaccines, but if you were a patient with insurance, the pharmacies could actually charge your insurance an administration fee of $40 each injection, no cost to you. So with the increase in demand of patients wanting the covid vaccine, not to mention you could get up to 4 “free, government funded” injections (the first dose, second dose, additional dose, and booster shot), the price charged to insurances would increase as more of their clientele would get vaccines. 

This increase in demand would also increase the expectation of the supply provided by the pharmacies. Most pharmacies would provide specific brands, or the more competitive stores would provide all the brands, Janssen, Moderna, and Pfizer. With these expectations to allow more choices to be provided, the supply curve would also increase, causing the price to provide the vaccines, their production, and delivery to overall increase. 

These covid Vaccines are relatively inelastic goods. There is currently no substitute for them and because it is at no cost to the patient, will not be fluctuating solely on prices anytime soon. 

Vaccine numbers are a great way to describe the competitive market nature of retail pharmacies. The success of a pharmacy is based on the prescription fill count per day, as well as immunization injection counts over a specific season. Flu shots, a complement good with COVID Vaccines, are the most popular to analyze during flu season. Target offers the incentive of a $5 gift card to each patient that receives a flu shot at their CVS pharmacies. Rite Aid pharmacies offer a free scoop of ice cream with each flu shot at their Thrifty Ice Cream Counter. However, there are so many patients who simply go to their regular pharmacy to keep consistency of their immunizations in one pharmacy, and the comfort of recognizing the pharmacist giving the injections.  For example, Walmart offers no incentive to get the flu vaccine, but maintain their vaccine count with their regular patients. Bottom line, you could get serviced or provide the business by and to any of these pharmacies, but the impact is negligible on the market of vaccines. 

By understanding Economic concepts and applying them to my working environment, I can better understand the changes and policies that are implemented. By understanding the increased demand of customers, their tempers, and expectations, I can better prepare my mental state of going into work. It also encourages me to be more active in the movements being made for a better working environment for pharmacy staff, especially after being affected by the pandemic. Hopefully, just hopefully, this will also help other people to understand that there are not only opportunity costs and trade offs for them, but for the staff providing their medications.

Caitlyn Luong (70429633) 

[georgeinamerc]

Hiiii sorry I haven’t sent you one in a while 😔 i got a c*vid shot yesterday and I’m dying 😭 but hi!! Hello!! How’s your week been??

So lets see, I’m from the states (rip) but I was in Scotland for a while and I have been trying to go back ever since. You should totally post that pic 👀 I will watch for it and yeah I’m currently super torn on what to do for grad but trying to give myself options.

Okay so I’m painting a thing and I need your opinion (I’ll send you a pic when I’m done if i can figure out how to submit pictures over anon) I’m trying to do wildflowers, should I do like. Multicolor or should i theme (blues and whites, reds and pinks, Oranges and blues etc)

Iluuuuu 💕

-jc

I TRIED SENDING THE PIC AND MY WHOLE ANSWER GOT DELETED IM GONNA KMS😭😭😭

Let's go again! Hello baby! Please don't apologize about it I'm gonna be here waiting for your asks! Don't stress about it<3 OMG YAYY (not for you dying LMAO) I'm very happy for youu! Which one did you get? I'm a Pfizer gal😍🤩🥰😛💅 I hope you feel better soon love!!! I was lucky enough to not hurt too much in both of my shots apart from a little soreness on the arm!!

Hello again hahah<33 my week has been pretty good this far, in the sense that I got to go out with friends and relax, but I also got a bit tired from classes and taking the bus every day :/ Oh and I don't know if you saw my post but I FINALLY GOT SPOTIFY PREMIUM AHHHH!! This is probably not as exciting for you as it is for me lmao but let me tell you. I've only had it for 2 days and I already feel more peaceful without the ads😂 How has your week been dear??

Omg not the states😭 are you safe out there love?? Do you want me to come pick you up?🥲 I REALLY WANT TO GO TO SCOTLAND TOO!!! You liked it a lot there right?? Ah I tried but tumblr won't let me :( I'll find some way hopefully!!

Having many options can be tricky but it definitely gives you a lot of power to make your own decisions! After my exams' results I realized I could choose between many majors and up until the last moment I was torn between psychology and law. My main goal is criminology which can be achieved by both so it was a bit difficult. At first we may not be sure if we made the right decision but I know we will both be rewarded at the end so don't worry!!💞💞

OMG YOU'RE PAINTING????? STOP IM SO JEALOUS SHJSJSHSJ😭😭😭 I'm very much horrible at it so I'm very fascinated by everyone who is talented at art!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE FINAL PRODUCT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WANTING TO SHARE IT WITH ME 💗💗

You want my opinion???? Oh my god thank you!!!! Ah it's a difficult one... but I'm saying themed!!!💜💜💜

I love you very much baby!!<33

#i hope you have a beautiful dayyy #anon💙 #long post

[bitterxweetencounters]

Where do I even start???

First off it's 9:49pm on the evening of the 4th of October, 2021. Daylight savings started yesterday. Earlier this morning I received my 2nd dose of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine (more on that later). I feel well (update: later that night; my left arm got hella sore, I felt chills, feverish and weak overall. I didn't have the best quality sleep. I ended up calling in sick the next day at work - genuinely this time oOOoo). I went ahead and had dinner first by myself 'cause my dad had to go to the shop to help my Mum out. It's raining outside right now, it's been alternating between being sunny, rainy and hailing the whole day. Typical Melbourne. But slightly moodier than usual. I've been meaning to update here for a while but I've been procrastinating - till now! Lol. There's a lot to unpack so I'll do it in sections. COVID-19, Lockdowns, Vaccinations & an Earthquake: 2021 started off pretty ok. Till around a week before my birthday, we went into a "snap lockdown" which fortunately ended the day before my birthday thank god. So I was able to celebrate. My sister and my parents surprised me with a complete room makeover - full replaced my desk, bed/mattress/sheets and clothes rack and everything. And even gave me a vanity table and a live Peace Lily plant which I'm proud to say has been kept alive till now. They painted my feature wall grey (my favourite colour) and added a whole set of other furniture and decorative items that has given my room a more aesthetic and clean look. My nephew gave me flowers he picked out himself (roses), my brother-in-law (BIL) cooked me a nice steak meal at their house while my Sister and a helper were "secretly" making over my room. My sister, my BIL and I then went to Peninsula Hot Springs for a "moonlight sesh" which was pretty chill, just that a few facilities were closed due to covid. The Dippers gang and I also went for a cute picnic down at the local Botanic Gardens. I've been able to avoid the dreaded "lockdown birthday" yearly since the pandemic began so I've been one of the lucky few (not to mention, I've also managed to avoid having to get tested for covid ever). We had a good run of no lockdowns from my birthday till around end of May when another lockdown began which didn't end till early-mid ish June. The current lockdown that is ongoing started way back in mid-July. It is now the beginning of October, which is insane. Melbourne yesterday was pronounced "the most locked down city in the world" since the pandemic began. How depressing. According to Dan Andrews the lockdown will end on Oct 26, followed by more restrictions ending on Nov 5. International travel will apparently be possible from Nov? Not sure how true that one is. There's so much going on right now. So many people getting covid, so many protests taking place. People I know are getting covid. Exposure sites are growing each day, sometimes it'll be the local supermarket or petrol station. The record number of daily new cases has reached almost 1.8k in VIC (here we were thinking last year that 800 cases was a lot lmao). A few months ago if you asked me if I was planning to get vaccinated, I might've been somewhat hesitant. But today (and 3 weeks ago when I got my 1st dose) I was excited to get my 2nd dose of the Pfizer vaccine. Not so much by the thought of getting a needle jabbed into my arm, but the freedom it would offer. A lot of things will require a complete vaccination status when VIC opens up again. Life's too short to refuse getting vaccinated out of pride and a few conspiracy theories. Screw it, at this point I'd do almost anything to live life normally again. It's been almost two years now. The world is gonna end soon I don't want to live life locked up any longer. Oh and there was a 6.0 magnitude earthquake here on Sep 22. It was the longest (I think it went for a minute) and strongest ever here in VIC ever since I moved to Aus. Honestly it was scary. Every time I experience an earthquake I really feel like the end of the world has come. I turned 26 earlier this year: Dayummmm girl - 26! I still get at

least a bit anxious every time I think too hard about how old I am. Although I try very hard not to. There was a period earlier this year when I would get really bad quarter life crisis. Like to the point where the stress and anxiety caused by it would disrupt me while I work during the day, or at night while I lay in bed. But as months passed I've become better at coming to terms with my age. I've learnt to embrace it, as well as the added maturity, wisdom and experiences I've been able to accumulate only from being around this long. I've learnt to dodge the teasing insults of the infamous "OMG, you're so old now" or "Aren't you too old to do x, y or z?". Thanks to my workmate who blatantly told me "Who cares what others say..do/act however you want", I regained the confidence to delve into my inner child and just do and be however I feel LOL. Hell, I have an almost-50-y/o aunty who does dance TikToks regularly and dyes her hair vibrant colours every week or so. Who's saying a 26 year old can't do a few youthful things here and there ehh? You are only as young and as old as you'll ever be in the present moment, so why not make the most of it. The world can end at any moment. How sad to have spent it worrying about how many years you've been breathing. If anything, growing old is a blessing and a privilege not many people have. So just be thankful. Friendships: Meeting new people during a pandemic has been very challenging, if not almost impossible especially during lockdown. At a time when social distancing is urged and people are limited to the number of close contacts they can have over at home or meet in public, when can you really have the chance to establish new friendships? It's gotten so bad you don't even know who you can trust to not have covid so.. lmao. Sad times. To combat this issue, I eventually caved and gave in to downloading Bumble. BUT not for dating - for making friends. I had no idea you could do that till my workmates told me about it and encouraged me to give it a try. You simply select the "BFF" mode which means people who are also only down to meet new friends can see your profile and either swipe left/right on you. I downloaded it back in June I think? It's been an interesting but positive experience I must say. I'd never downloaded a "dating" app before so I didn't know what to expect. The thing I've noticed about "dating" apps since using Bumble is that it's very easy to judge a book by it's cover; whether done subconsciously or deliberately (in most cases with no malicious intent). I've been guilty of doing it on a number of occasions I admit. I've observed that a person's profile picture can speak volumes of the kind of lifestyle they practice, their personality, their fashion sense, what their priorities are, if they like to keep active, or their hobbies. A majority of the time I force myself to read a person's bio before swiping to give them the benefit of the doubt. Although it is so easy to quickly go on a swiping frenzy without giving it much thought too. It's also so easy to ghost (or be ghosted) over there! Lol. Again I believe it's not always done on purpose or to hurt the other person, but I guess sometimes people just either; get busy with life and forget to reply. Or simply lose interest or can't be bothered replying. I've learnt that's completely normal on the app, and something you have to expect. Not everyone you meet or talk to on there will become a friend. But when you filter through all the duds and find the ones on the same wavelength as you, it feels great. It's kind of a number game then I guess? (Lol) The more people you filter through and measure compatibility with, the better chances of you finding the real ones huh. I don't know at this point how I feel about that modern way of making friends. I guess I'll find out. To this day, I think I've made at least a handful of new "close" friends through the app. People I've kept in regular contact with since first conversing with them on Bumble, and later keeping in touch via Instagram. There's one friend I made who I

got to meet up with twice, in person, in between lockdowns, which was nice. We would meet up at Glen, have something to eat, then walk around the local streets at night talking about life, love and everything in between. We message every now and then still. I hope and plan to meet up with the others in person when lockdown eases. I started using the app again today after a long hiatus, and I hope I can see these lovely new people in person in a few weeks' time too. On the topic of friendships still, this year I really focused on trying to open up to friends more, instead of keeping problems/experiences to myself. In the past I've been guilty of being a bit too secretive with my life to friends (especially my lovelife), refusing to share too much 'cause I feared that it would backfire. mY lOvE LiFe <3: This one needs a post of it's own. Lmao. On that note, to be continued..

#personal #update

[iamqueenkk]

cancer diagnosis

Hello dear friends, It is me, the stranger from down under who doesn’t really tumblr at all.

Life has again smashed me with a two by four. I have been having a pretty awful time with my ptsd, depression and anxiety since the pandemic hit, lockdowns have not been my friend and while living in Australia means I’ve been pretty lucky not to have lost anyone to Covid it’s still been a pretty awful  time. Especially moving house again in November (7 times in 6 years now… wheeeeee). June I had another awful time when someone had a long conversation with me about s*icide - which is a major trigger of mine. I had a rough couple of weeks since it then seemed to keep coming up. Mid June I find out that the government hotline I called was wrong and I was (as someone on the disability pension) in fact eligible for the (incredibly slow and badly managed) vaccine rollout. By this point so was everyone over 40 so it was a bit of a fight to get an appointment. Got my appointment for June 29, drove an hour each way to get there, had an hour observation because I have a history of anaphylaxis and the doctor freaked out when they saw the hives on my face despite my telling her they had been there for a week. A week after my first dose of Pfizer I find a lump in my left breast. I call my doctor, she organises a mammogram and ultrasound ‘just in case’. She tells me it’s most likely a blocked milk duct or a cyst. 5 day wait on the mammogram and ultrasound due to lockdown staff shortages. Dr Google suggests that a small number of people with breasts are having a lump in their breast or lymph node after the Pfizer and it can cause false positives on a mammogram. I’m reassured it’s likely one of those three things. Even on the day (Thursday) before the ultrasound and mammogram when I find a lump in my armpit which is quite painful I’m still reassuring myself it’s probably nothing. After the mammogram and ultrasound the breast technician on site says I need a biopsy. I speak again to my doctor the next day (Saturday) over ‘telehealth’ and she has the results of the mammogram and ultrasound and says she wants me to go to a breast specialist. Monday morning (her day off) she calls me that she’s gotten me into a breast specialist that day - “can I drive 20 minutes to see the specialist in about an hour and a half?”

So it’s Monday 12th of July, and the specialist asks to examine my breast, looks at the mammogram and ultrasound and tells me “I know you’re only 34, but I have to tell you based on my experience and what I’m seeing here, it’s a 1% chance that it’s NOT cancer. I want you to have a contrast CT to ensure it hasn’t spread, a mammogram while the contrast is still in your system and a biopsy today, then I’ll see you on Friday to discuss the results”. I spend the week full of ‘magical thinking’ trying to think up ways it could not be cancer and how I’m always getting the one in a million side effects and how just once can’t it be the good one in a million for once, forget the lottery - just let it not be cancer. I call my dad to tell him and he tells me “I love you, I’m sorry this is happening. Please don’t worry but I’m in hospital and have just had a stroke”. I about passed out in shock. It was just too freaking much to bear. Thankfully it wasn’t a stroke, it was an inner ear thing and my dad is fine. Friday 16th of July comes around and unfortunately I’m not, the results are back and it’s triple negative inflammatory breast cancer. It looks like I’ve caught it as early as possible, but it’s stage 3 (since there is no stage 1 or 2 for this type of cancer). Breast specialist refers me to an oncologist who can see me Tuesday 20th. They go through everything with me and send me for tests and checks and a medicine that will hopefully prevent the chemo from going after my ovaries (not because I want to procreate but because I’d like to avoid going into menopause by 35). I started double dose chemotherapy on Tuesday 27th of July. I have my next cycle of chemotherapy on August 10th. 

Sydney has been in lockdown since June 25th due to an outbreak of Delta. We locked down too late and the case numbers just keep going up. At the start of the outbreak only 4% of our population was vaccinated. Lockdown is hard because I’ve been using social interactions to stave off the worst of my depression and all social stuff has been stopped. It has also meant I have to go to oncologist and chemo appointments alone, my food delivery has been cancelled once in the last two weeks and who knows if it’ll happen again, my dad has been told by the health department and police it is illegal for him to come to Sydney to be with me during this horrible time, I’m struggling to get support staff/carers that are both 1. Vaccinated 2. Not living in one of the ‘hotspot’ suburbs, gyms are shut yet I’m supposed to be doing workouts in order to have the best result for chemo and mental health services are all overloaded. I’m struggling because I’m still in shock, it doesn’t feel real and it’s all moving so damned fast. Also it’s surreal that this week I’m not really feeling any different to how I did in June, just exhausted and depressed. I’m also frightened because the stats in this cancer aren’t good and people keep trying to be helpful and tell me how strong I am and that “your strength will get you through” but I have to fight not to respond “I’m depressed and a mess, if my strength is what’s going to determine my survival, I’m screwed!”

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate how lucky I am to live in Australia. The case number today was in our state was 319, the highest one day case jump in our state since the pandemic started, while that’s bad for us - compared to other places we’ve been so so lucky. In addition Medicare means that apart from being $60 out of pocket for that first appointment with the breast specialist, $6-$12 for the ovary meds and the meds to up my white blood cell count, everything apart from the parking is covered. The chemo itself and the oncologist as well as the scans and blood test are all covered by Medicare. Over the next six months I can expect to spend a total of about $300 on prescriptions and parking. I get how lucky that makes me. It doesn’t change that I’m living below the poverty line which is always stressful and this diagnosis is a huge thing that I just don’t know how to comprehend. I’m speaking to family and friends and usually feeling like I have to be cheerful and ‘hold it together’ when internally I’m just this pit of sadness and fear. 

#cancer #whyme #ptsdlife #mental health #Fuckcancer #whine whine whine #struggling #stoptheworldandletmegetoff #long reads #lockdownmadness #sydney lockdown #woe is me #woe #thank you medicare #breast cancer #inflammatory breast cancer #triple negative cancer #chemo #tw chemo #tw cancer #tw depressive #tw mention of suicide #tw mental health

[chriscoleman]

Covid Lockdown

March 2020 to May 2021

The COVID quarantine is slowly lifting. Here is a quick review of our last year in limbo.

The first COVID death in Seattle was in a nursing home on February 29th, 2020. We discussed the serious threat at Ultimate that day. Then Julia and I went to a Umphrey’s McGee concert at Showbox SODO that evening. I remember questioning if we should be taking this virus seriously, but brushing off the idea.

March 2nd our life was turned around in another way - the rental apartment we lived in for the past 8 years was being sold. Time to decide if buying a house is a smart decision…

March 11th the CDC officially declared COVID a pandemic. Things get serious fast. We begin watching the news constantly.

March 14th was our last day skiing for the 2019/2020 season. There was still significant snow on the mountain - but state restrictions closed down the resort. Then we jumped into a backcountry ski/camp trip. Shortly after that - even backcountry skiing was forbidden. That’s when the lockdown got serious.

The rest of March and April were uneventful. I thought I had COVID at 1 point, but tests were hard to get. The at-home test I did get returned a negative result. Julia had a small accident that took the Subaru out of commission for a little bit. No big deal.

Sadly the white cat, Lucy, had to be put down. The process with COVID restrictions at the vet made the experience extra hard. Sad to see my favorite cat gone after 12 years together.

May 27th we got the keys to our new house in Beacon Hill, Seattle! Huge day for us. One I didn’t think would ever come. Home prices in Seattle are pure insanity. Buying at the beginning of the pandemic gave us a little advantage - no bidding war at all. In retrospect it was an amazing decision.

We ate momo’s (Himalayan dumplings) the first night on cardboard boxes. Then got to work on improvements right away. I made the terrible decision to do ‘exploratory drilling’ in our walls at 2am that night to route some ethernet cables for the cable company coming the next day. Luckily it worked out - but I don’t recommend putting holes in your new home on day #1.

A train of professionals came out for the big jobs:

* Plumbers - pressure reducer and expansion tank

* Electricians - new panel and service

* Insulation - replace attic insulation

* Flooring - LVP in the mud room

Julia and I got our hands dirty a bunch too:

* Closet shelving/rods

* Toilet replacement

* TV mount install

* Hanging blinds (after 1 month with none!)

* Siding repair

* Install dog door

* Light/Fan upgrades

* Fence repair

* Bench and table builds

* Chicken coop converted to raised beds

* Yard work of all kinds

* More yard work of different kinds

* Plus a bunch of small stuff that continually keep us busy

Bamboo and Blackberries were the big task. Our house is directly next to a city ‘right of way’. Basically a big plot of land the city owns where no one can build. Kinda like a park or play field directly to our south. We call it the “side yard”. Opposite our fence that separates us from the side yard was a 6 foot tall 6 foot wide 60 foot long thicket of blackberries. Then it turned into 30 foot tall bamboo beyond that.

Julia and I took 1 weekend to clear the bamboo from inside our backyard. Then another 2 weekends to clear the bamboo from the side yard. Luckily a city mower came and tore down most of the blackberries with a tractor after I reported it as a nuisance. It was a beast of a job - but the neighbors came out to help (at least to take away the bamboo poles for their gardens). Then we sheet mulched the entire area to prevent regrowth. Huge project - which we are still fighting currently - but a massive improvement the whole neighborhood enjoys.

Discovering new local restaurants was hard during COVID. Many places still offered delivery or take-out, but no inside dining. Bahn Mi sandwiches and Bubble Tea has been a staple for us. Too many cheesesteaks and taco truck burritos also. Plus a bunch of other Viatemese, Chinese, and Asian restaurants that are popular here in south Beacon Hill.

Throwing the frisbee with my teammate, Patrick, was my only activity with someone other than Julia or the Grubhub driver. We got together about once a week with masks at Judkins Park to toss. A fun way to get some sun, exercise, and social interaction.

July 11th my grandmother died in upstate NY with my mother and family close by. Not COVID related, just her time to go. The best grandma anyone could have asked for. Always an open house and supportive of all my life adventures.

September 3-6 we got permits to hike in the Cascades, Alpine Lakes Wilderness, Enchantments. It’s a protected area with very limited daily permits for backcountry camping. I tried for 8 years to get these permits - so no chance we were gonna miss the opportunity. Unfortunately I got a small hernia on our birthday in July - but again - not gonna stop me! The prep-hikes in July/August went great. Another fun way to get outdoors safely.

The trip ended up amazing all around. A true life-list adventure filled with lakes, goats, vistas, and leg burning trails.

October, November, and December were totally uneventful.

January 2021 we began a bathroom remodel with Premier Contractors. Toby and his family/team worked with us to design a totally custom dream bathroom. Ferguson supplied the materials, the discount I’ve been waiting to use for 16 years of employment. Jackpot!

End of January came with great bathroom progress. They ended up replacing the majority of the house plumbing - as our old galvanized pipes were badly corroded. The electricians also came back to install new circuits for the heated flooring, jetted tub, mirror, and heater/fan/lights. We also got new circuits in the garage and my office to expand the power downstairs.

Because we are crazy - we decided to begin a 2nd project at the same time - a deck rebuild. The construction crew we got to design our back deck randomly had availability earlier than expected, which we jumped on. Why not knock out both at once?!? Demo began February 16th.

End of February the bathroom was tiled and the deck had cedar floorboards installed. Floyd, Hank, Jeff, Brian, Robert, and the whole Blue Oak Builders crew were amazing. Unfortunately the bathroom project stalled for a variety of supply/time reasons. They slowly made progress through March.

March 31st Julia and I got our first COVID vaccine shot. We jumped at the first opportunity, one of the first in our age group to get an appointment. We drove down south to the minor league hockey rink where they had the process down solid after a month of giving shots to more vulnerable people. Relief that the end was in sight! We celebrated by buying strawberry plants on the way home. :)

Then our 2nd Pfizer shot on April 20th. May 5th we were considered fully vaccinated. I celebrated with a game of pickup the first chance possible. I ended up going 441 days without ultimate - my longest streak in 24 years. Before this I had never gone 14 days without some sort of pickup, practice, league, or tournament game of ultimate. It felt amazing to be back in action - even if I’m fatter + slower than ever.

That brings us to today - May 23, 2021. Ski season is nearly over, flowers are blooming, concerts are announcing, Sounders are playing, friends are calling, and mask mandates are lifting. My schedule is already starting to fill up with fun. There really does feel like a light at the end of this tunnel. Finally!

Overall - I consider us lucky. Julia and I were able to work from home without interruption. Our companies had hiccups, but are more profitable than ever. Julia has been extremely busy with work - but that’s the life in a startup I guess.

We had no clue what buying a home at the start of a pandemic would mean. It ended up being ideal for us. Canceled vacations gave us extra time and money to invest in this 62 year old raised ranch style house. Room for Skye to enjoy, as she is getting old fast, is a treat. Not to mention offices on separate floors might have saved our relationship (seriously - who talks that loud on conference calls? just kidding my lover). We even got lucky with great neighbors who really look out for each other.

I realize that so many other people in Seattle / WA / USA / World were not so lucky during this pandemic. It sucks. I hope as these restrictions are lifted that everyone can begin to prosper again - both socially and financially. 2020 will go down as a monumental time in our lives. I look forward to post-pandemic-2021!