Yesterday was my last treatment of radiation! And I want to thank you.
I have had a hell of a journey behind me: a year ago, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It wasn't very aggressive, but huge. A year ago, it all started– I have underwent 2 surgeries, 1 emergency surgery due to internal bleeding, over half a year of chemo, and 3 weeks of daily radiation since. Side effects: complete hair loss, weight gain, decreased eye-sight, and depression. My hair is growing back slowly, but it will never be the mahogany color I used to have, rather mouse-brown-grey.
During the last year, I have had a difficult time focusing on writing, to even be inspired to write. But you all stood behind me, supported me, and cheered me on! I am so grateful for that 💙💙💙💙💙
Again, I am sorry for my being absent so often. It'll take a while to get back into the groove and write again, and I don't think it'll be as much as in the past. But, I will be on here more often since my body and mind are recovering. But only slowly.
Again. I love you all for sticking around and being here for me and supporting me and cheering me on during probably the most gruesome year of my life.
asked my nan what she wants for christmas and she said “for you to get better” nan listen babe that’s cute and everything but my chemo doesn’t even end until march soooo can’t i get you like a teddy instead? 😅
So recovery is going well, pathology came back clean, still need chemo, brain is shuffling back into the kind of order I need it in for me to get to writing. ♥️
My partner's dad passed away today a little before 7 pm.
The doctors revealed at the last minute that he was going to pass away even without the brain injury he got the other day because he had been unknowingly living with necrosis of his digestive system for months. They assumed that it was either from his cancer, chemo, or both, but it was causing him immense pain for a long time.
I'm so mad at the healthcare system because they didn't give him enough help. This could have been prevented if his doctors had listened to him about being in pain and checked his stomach, before his organs started shutting down. Instead he drank himself into a coma to cope with it.
I'm crying more than my partner is. He's just glad he was there when his dad passed. It's been such a rough ass day...
“In January, I underwent major abdominal surgery in London and at the time, it was thought that my condition was non-cancerous,” she said in a video announcement.
“The surgery was successful. However, tests after the operation found cancer had been present. My medical team therefore advised that I should undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy and I am now in the early stages of that treatment.”
I’m kind of horrified at the amount of people reblogging the sunscreen poll saying that they flat out refuse to wear sunscreen??? I completely understand that some people have sensory issues with it and I know that it’s a pain in the ass and I know it can be expensive but holy melanoma you guys, skin cancer is no joke. It’s one of the most common types of cancer and it can absolutely be deadly if not caught early. And it’s something we can actually take fairly easy preventative measures against.
So please, for you own sake and those who love you, wear sunscreen or cover up in the sun. It doesn’t matter if you don’t tend to burn or if you have dark skin - you can still develop skin cancer (in fact, darker skinned patients are more likely to only be diagnosed in the later stages of skin cancer because many doctors don’t know how to properly check and diagnose skin cancer in dark skin). Wear the stupid sunscreen. Or the sun hat or whatever, even on days that don’t feel particularly warm. Minimise your time in direct sun if you can and have no other options. Check out sunscreens in your country that don’t leave a gross feeling on your skin, they do make some good ones now. If you wear makeup, make it part of your daily routine - sunscreen, then makeup. Everybody messes up or forgets on occasion but any step towards protecting yourself is a good step. Take care of future you, they really do deserve it.
Okay, getting off my soapbox now. Kindly, someone who has had both friends and family affected by skin cancer.
i just want to fucking cry and i genuinely can’t tell if i’m over reacting or not
i genuinely don’t know if i’m over reacting or if me being upset is actually valid
today i was supposed to have a pet-ct. this was the scan. the one that they needed to see if the chemo has worked. so naturally i was so anxious i felt sick. it was supposed to be last monday but they had to rearrange it and they told me 30 minutes before i was supposed to leave. they re arranged it for today.
got all the way there and then they were like oh we cancelled it but ☺️you can eat now😅☺️. i can’t even describe the feeling that hit me it was like my brain didn’t even comprehend what she had said.
she was like i left a voice mail on your phone (we cancelled your appointment was all it said no number, no date or time, no details at all) i was like i didn’t get a missed call and she was like oh no there’s an option where you can just leave a voicemail rather than an actual call but you can eat now and you’ll have to wait until the booking team contact you for another appointment
i hadn’t been allowed to eat anything all day or drink anything other than water incase it effected the scan. my appointment was at 6pm and it took me an hour to get home, a following hour to cook food so i didn’t even eat anything until 8pm (it’s currently 12:46am)
and i just feel so fucking exhausted emotionally and so fucking STUPID for being upset over this. i just want to know if this is over or not because it’s so scary not knowing what’s going on. i’m in pain, i’m permanently tired, my eyes and eyebrows are sore from the hair falling out did you know if you don’t have eyelashes your eyes water like mad? and it’s really fucking annoying, my arms are itchy also from the hair loss, i can’t even look in the mirror without wanting to sob at how i look, i’m still being a carer for my mum and helping to raise a poorly 9 year old
Sorry that I haven't been around lately. I had chemo last week and now I'm still having difficulty writing. Tbh it just feels like I'm just surviving and not living, if that makes any sense.