#undiagnosed kid

[astolentoetag]

Scrolling through Facebook memories and find one from '06 about asking people what they remember about me. Most commenters I remembered who they are but one I do not. Nor do I know if I met them in highschool or college. Their comment was just about how I confused the English teacher with weird questions. That unfortunately does not narrow it down. That does not narrow it down at all.

To further muddle things they seemed to either already have or be in the process of transitioning and I can't tell which direction because they're pretty androgynous. I have no clue who this person is and I feel exceptionally guilty for forgetting someone after asking them what they remembered about me even if it's nearly two decades later.

Brains suck. I want a hard drive with 8k uhd timestamped recordings in chronically order. And spark notes for every month.

#yes I was that strange kid in school who just wasn't looking at the same world as everyone else #I don't like asking typical questions #how would you show affection if you were a cat? #undiagnosed kid #undiagnosed adult #health insurance is bullshit #how many books do you flit between at a time? #what's your random collection? #Where's my cyberpunk transhumanism? #if you were a wild dog would you trust people? why or why not? #if you play with my hair and tell me I'm pretty I'll probably do what you want trust or not. #why remember good things when you can remember trauma? #cats are awesome #fucking love dogs #we do not deserve dogs

[bli-o]

hey autistic people who get overwhelmed by large groups or noise or conversation or etc etc etc you’re not evil for wanting to leave a family gathering. just so you know.

#additionally hard when you have no diagnosis #people just think im “antisocial” and “rude” #while im over here completely burnt out #because the whole room is talking and the tv is loud and all the lights are on and every kid in the house is shrieking about something #and whoever you came with(looking at you parents) acts like you’re evil and hate your family when you even ask when you’re leaving #autism #actually autistic #autistic #autism spectrum disorder #autistic things #asd #autistic community #undiagnosed autistic #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed autism #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff #neurospicy #neurodivergence #neurodivergencies

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 147

psychically induced chronic illness squad

#day 147 #year 4 #aradia megido #sollux captor #homestuck #arasol #solluxs migraine thing is right in his introduction #but we only get like. one line from aradia in her singular conversation with rose in a5 #where she mentions an 'elusive feeling of sickness' following her for her entire life #which i think you could read as like. anxiety/sense of impending doom due to upsetting psychic whispering 24/7 #but when i was a kid and i felt anxious it ALWAYS manifested as a feeling of Oh I Am Going To Barf About This #to the point that i spent like a full year getting a whole barrage of medical tests trying to figure out what was wrong with my guts #turned out it was simply undiagnosed mental illness because nobody really considered that a 6 year old could have one of those #but such is life anyway catch me projecting onto these two once a fucking gain

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm going to preface this by saying that I have really complex feelings about this, and much of it is inspired by my personal experiences and a bit of learning about what other trans people experience. If I come across as messy, it is because of these reasons.

There's this unshakable feeling I have that when allies and even other trans people talk about trans people, transition and motivation for transition, and anything related to such, that there's only certain things that x type of trans person can (and should) experience and talk about.

Like, when people talk about FtMs/trans men/transmasc people, a common idea is that we're motivated to transition to game the system, to manipulate people into treating us better because we're now seen as men. A huge reason I never even bought into that idea is because, since transition (especially medical), I have been treated worse than I ever have been. Since transitioning and being on testosterone, I've been catcalled, had people insist I hand my number over, and I have to emphasize that I've never experienced these things until a couple of years ago (to clarify, this was in my real, corporeal life). I honestly can say that, while transition has saved my life and soul, I am treated worse by others than I ever had been pre-transition. However, because the idea of transmascs is that "they were victims of misogyny and they only want to escape it through transition" is popular even among some trans people, I feel like it's almost... taking something away by acknowledging that. Add to this that I'm white and that TPoC have so many experiences that intertwine with race, and that race absolutely goes into how trans people are treated.

I am not saying that my experience is the only valid or true one. I am very aware that I'm probably an outlier. However, I just notice that, time and time again, people hear what they want to hear about transness, and if people have even slightly different points of view from their experiences, it doesn't matter, or worse, those people are duplicitous and conniving.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #misogyny tw #i just feel like there are very few spaces i feel safe even talking about my experiences with #because it's either ending up in transphobia ('see? you'll NEVER escape!!!') or downplaying or denying my experiences (men don't face that) #i just wish you could talk about the good and the bad without people picking at your carcass like vultures y'know? #because that's how it feels. it feels like i've been laid out on the ground to be *picked* apart and torn #making this after being harassed once again. catcallers get the boot. #it's just amazing to me how pre-transition i was almost... immune to that shit #the worst treatment i faced was being an undiagnosed autistic kid in school (which was ableism and not applicable to the conversation)

[jellyfish3s]

i should relate more to my giftedness but it's so damn hard when the only part of it that really applies is "i got good grades without studying don't fucking ask me how"

#like what am i supposed to do when i relate a lot more to my undiagnosed and treated as fake by my parents audhd? #i feel like i am faking my giftedness and not my autism or my adhd!!! #at this point academic stimulation makes me mad bc i don't feel like i need more #in fact i need people to listen to this really large amount of knowledge that i've got from these 2 strict and selective topics #and to be loved by infodumping since i was a kid #i was just a kid. #giftedness #actually gifted #autism #actually autistic #adhd #actually adhd #audhd #actually audhd

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

As a kid my family used to make fun of me for stuff that is apparently exclusively reserved for “old people” like rolling across the room in a rolly chair to grab something (instead of getting up and taking three steps) or sitting down at a table to do quick food prep like cut fruit or scramble an egg (instead of just standing at the counter for 90 seconds) TURNS OUT what they called laziness was just disability all along haha TURNS OUT I just needed a mobility aid yet here I am today still without one because they gaslit me into believing I was “just lazy” and it took me decades to finally understand that’s not true. haha who knew

#I used to think everyone was just way stronger than me like I was the human version of the runt of the litter or something #please ​take kids seriously about things #fucking hell I hate this world #disability advocacy #physical disability #undiagnosed disability #late diagnosis #autistic trauma #spoonie #pots #dysautonomia #ehlers danlos #ehlers danlos syndrome #low energy #disability accommodations #disability representation #laziness does not exist #fuck ableists #family trauma #disability trauma #fuck ableism #anti fakeclaiming #fuck fakeclaimers #invisible disability #invisible illness #mobility aid #mobility aid user #disability pride

[oifaaa]

Just sitting here thinking about my 8th birthday when my dad got me a fairy book as a gift and I got so upset that I threw it against the wall and wouldn't stop crying until he got me the gift I actually wanted which was a coin counting machine - note I had no coins to put in the coin counting machine I just thought it looked so cool

#i was very reject feminity as a child #that on top of my undiagnosed adhd and dyslexia #meant a pink sparkly book about fairys was the worst thing you could have possibly got me #but yeah thinking about this now #bc im actually sitting here reading the illiad for fun #oh how times change #also children are weird #anybody else ask for weird things as kids or was it just me

[tricoufamily]

visiting the hometown

(want everyone to know this edit came to me in a dream and i changed the lore just to do it)

#in the dream i was like editing it but i was also there? it was weird. it started as a dream about lawson in a zombie apocalypse #ok important tags first so i can write an essay #ts4 #ts4 render #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #beckett #lawson #blood sports #but yeah if you haven't been here before beckett and lawson never knew each other as kids #if they did it would be a butterfly effect and mess w a bunch of other plot details. so i decided to work around it #also if ur new they've had a friends with benefits thing going on for a long time but lawson is in love with him. beck doesn't know #originally beckett was put in foster care as a baby bc of neglect and was bounced around foster homes for years #he was a troubled child always getting in fights a kleptomaniac undiagnosed autism etc etc foster families tried and just didn't want him #then when he was around 12 a very nice old lady named cora got him and they ended up forming a great bond they loved each other #she was going to adopt him then when beckett was around 15 or 16 his birth mother reentered the picture and wanted him back #it started a really nasty legal battle and cora died. we can't say for sure it was the stress of this fight but beckett certainly thinks so #anyway he did go back with his birth mother and things got really bad for him. he dropped out of school started doing worse crimes and so o #but none of that is what even changed #now LAWSON is also from west virigina like beckett. it's a small town lawson was new he had no friends #he was a very clingy possessive child who cried and threw tantrums so much #he met beckett and the rest is history. beckett didn't really mind how lawson acted he didn't really find him annoying like everyone elsedi #besides he didn't have friends either #lawson has wealthy parents they were welcoming to beckett at first if a little apprehensive. then he stole something from their house #and lawson wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore. but he still did in secret. they still have no idea that beckett's even still aroun #or just how involved lawson is with him and his. activities 😬 they just think he's their good little college boy #in the original beckett moved to Not Gotham City when his mother got him back but in this version lawson is going to college there #and beckett's been distant from him for a while things are awful for him and lawson says hey. what if you gave the city a try. and he did #so really you could say the events of blood sports are all lawson's fault the end

[slushiebonez]

ok but can we talk about how peak gender this was

#salad fingers #i feel like adoring this dude as a kid and then turning out to be trans and also very undiagnosed with a lot of things has a connection

[my-gender-is-void]

The "gifted kid who didn't need to study" to "neurodivergent burnt out college student who doesn't know how to study" pipeline is very real and I don't like that I'm experiencing it, I need to graduate to get a job and get out of my parents house and get better mentally and physically. 🥲

#gifted kid burnout culture is #neurodivergent burnout #aroace #college #gifted kid #autism #adhd #undiagnosed autism #gifted kid burnout #academic burnout

[angeltannis]

The fact that Symmetra’s seemingly only childhood friend was a boy she fundamentally disagreed with everything about and disliked pretty much everything that he stood for - and that it was exactly the same for him - is so so so funny to me. Unlikeable neurodivergent bitches gotta stick together

#overwatch #lifeweaver #Symmetra #Niran with his undiagnosed ADHD: there is NOTHING I hate more than rigid structure and order and rules #kid ​Symmetra: ohhh I can’t not befriend him #and in reverse ofc Satya like i wish I could live in a beautiful dream world where everything is made from- #-​the same generic futuristic architecture and that one corporation owned it all 🙏 #and Niran who’s still treating the poison ivy in his nethers bc he slept in the woods again is like omg .. did we just become besties #I’m serious when I say this this is the best lore related thing Overwatch has done in years. maybe ever #I just love that they gave Sym a friend like LW. absolute MESS of a man who absolutely adores her #this was supposed to go on my side blog but I drafted it to main by accident and I’m not rewriting all these tags #so Overwatch text post be upon ye

[bwbawa]

i always see info on autistic kids vs autistic adults and stuff, but what's it with autistic teens? how r they different from the other mentioned?

/genq

#autism #lots of tags to reach people #self diagnosed autism #undiagnosed autism #am i autistic? #neurodivergent #adhd #autistic kids #autistic adult #actually autistic #autistic adults #autistic teen #autism diagnosis #autism question #undiagnosed autistic #autistic #autistic girls #autistic things #autistic community #autism spectrum condition #autism spectrum disorder

[imidori-ya]

My undiagnosed, but definitely neurodivergent, mother just excitedly called out to me from the backyard, “Hey! Do you wanna see a really long worm?” and my 100% neurodivergent ass shot up and immediately yelled back, “HELL FUCKING YEAH I DO!!” before running out to our backyard where there was, in fact, a very long worm.

#worm #long worm #wormblr #you know when you feel so isolated in your own mind and you think you’re the only one experiencing life like this #but then you grow up and suddenly you can diagnose your parents with the exact same shit you had your whole life? #this is that #also you know… when there’s a long worm and you just gotta see it #neurodivergent #adhd #story time #moms #diagnosed neurodivergent kid with undiagnosed neurodivergent mom gang

[theblogofinsanity]

The curse of growing up as a "gifted" child

It seems that the better you do as a child equally and oppositely effects the outcome of life as an adult.

Just look at all the child actors, musical prodigies, and academically gifted children.

They tend to wash up. Or, in the absolute best case scenario, they end up... Normal. Bland. Average.

Why is that?

I was a gifted child during schooling.

I tested "off the charts" on most standardized testing I was subjected to.

As far as school went, I found most of it very easy. I studied infrequently and frequently got As through my years of schooling.

And despite dropping out twice, I managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA during my times in college. I might add that I was also a poly-substance addict and alcoholic who almost never studied or put my best foot forward during my time in college.

I think that part of it is the pressure.

It's not normal to shoulder that much pressure at a young age. And I believe it's what eventually burned me out. The sky high expectations, the worry that you're not doing enough or doing it well enough can be very damaging.

A lot of the pressure I felt was self-inflicted. I come from a family of very intelligent and educated people on both my mother's and father's side of the family.

Out of my whole family...

Parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins..

I'm the only one without a college degree.

The black sheep.

The broken one.

The failure.

The disappointment.

I always wanted (and still do in a way) to 'keep up' with them.

But I'm now in my 30s.

With a GED.

No degree.

Single parent.

Every family reunion, I'm surrounded by physicians, pharmacists, engineers, and very accomplished people. Happily married people with beautiful families.

What do I have to show for my three and a half decades on this planet?

A single wide mobile home. 2 beat up cars. A couple of tattoos. A job as a public servant, barely making ends meet. Dependent on Suboxone and alcohol to function normally.

I'm a handsome man who is aging pretty well, all things considered.

But I don't think I will find a woman interested any time soon.

I'm damaged goods. I come with baggage.

And if I was to ask myself: "where did it all go wrong?"

I think my answer would be: "It all started with the pressure that comes with being an intellectually gifted child."

#journal #gifted kid syndrome #gifted kid burnout #gifted kid problems #gifted kid shit #neurodivergent #undiagnosed neurodivergent #pressure #stress #mental health

[solysthesia]

me when me me me when when me

#autistic things #autistic kids #actually autistic #autistic teen #autistic burnout #autistic community #undiagnosed autism #autistic meltdown #is this an autistic canon event or nah? #quitesillyhearts