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anon911andbuddie · 1 year

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Hi I was wondering if you where still taking prompts if so I had an idea for a Eddie and Buck one where it’s after the lawsuit and Bucky is back working but everyone is avoiding him and when they get a call they leave him behind to clean. All the stress gets to him and one day while everyone is out on a call Bucky had another embolism. He calls 9-1-1 and another house saves him and the 118 comes back to blood on the floor and two fire fighters waiting to tell them what happened.

This one is long overdue. It has been started in my drafts for a long time. And I finally got to finish it. Hope you guys enjoy it.

-Scarlet 📕

Content warnings: Blood, coughing, struggling to breathe, panic, fear, passing out, intubation, pulmonary embolism, ambulances, hospitals, pain, guilt, anger.

Away Team

Buck looked around the empty station and felt the pain in his chest get worse. The call had the full crew out. As the pain persisted Buck realized it wasn't the usual ache that came with working these days. No, this was a different but familiar pain. It hurt, and he felt a cough in his throat, even deep in his chest. He reached up to where his radio should be and remembered he didn't have his radio on him. Why would he? It was just another way for them to yell at him. So he grabbed his phone, and as stupid as it made him feel, he dialed 911. Coughing as he did. He did his best to explain between choking coughs and gasping breaths. He somehow managed to get his location out as he dropped to his knees in the vacant truck bay. He looked down and frowned. He'd just cleaned that floor, and now it had blood on it. Bobby was going to be so pissed. Buck could hear the dispatcher's voice through his speaker, but he was no longer able to understand her. He blacked out.

His consciousness returned with a sudden jolt. The coughing made his chest burn, and something was in his throat. It all hurt. A firm hand stopped him from pulling at the tube in his throat.

"Easy, Buckley," an unfamiliar voice told him. "You're having a hard enough time already. No need to make it worse." How did they know his name? Where was he? Buck looked around and realized he was in an ambulance. He looked up to see a paramedic he didn't really know. The confusion must have been clear on his face because the paramedic sighed but smiled.

"You called 911, do you remember?" He thought about it, and he remembered what had happened. He nodded as much as he could.

"Okay, that's good," the paramedic smiled. "I'm Mel. I work with the 122."

Buck nodded again in acknowledgment.

"I have to ask, Buckley," Mel said. "Dispatch said you told her it was an embolism. You have one before?"

Buck nodded.

"You on blood thinners?"

He nodded again.

"You take your meds today?"

Buck tried to remember if he did. He half shrugged, an action that didn't help his sore and exhausted body.

"Okay," Mel nodded as she began to check his vitals again. "That is honestly more than I figured I'd get with the tube in. Just relax now, Buckley. We'll be at the hospital soon."

"You seeing this, Bobby?" Chim asked as they neared the station and saw a fire engine that didn't belong to their house in front of the bay's open doors.

"Yeah," Bobby said as he eyes the truck as they got closer.

"What the hell is the 122 doing here?" Eddie asked as they pulled in beside the engine.

"Let's find out," Bobby said as he got out and approached the pair of firefighters that were blocking them from pulling into the station.

"Captain Nash?" One of the men asked.

"That's me," Bobby looked between the men.

"Is that blood?" Eddie asked as he joined them. He looked around the empty bay. "Wait, where's-"

"Buckley will hopefully be at Good Samaritan by now," the second firefighter said.

"What happened?" Bobby asked, his heart rate picking up as he took it all in. There were discarded gloves and blood on the floor.

"We were going to ask you the same thing," the first said.

"Who are you?" Chim asked.

"Morris and Jameson from the 122." The one named Jameson said.

"What happened to Buck?" Bobby asked.

"He called 911," Morris said bluntly. "Never had a call to another station before. Our captain said it never really happens.

"Why? Is he alright?" Eddie asked.

"He was coughing up blood," Jameson answered, gesturing to the spots on the floor. “Heard something about an embolism.”

"That can't be right," Eddie said. "He is on blood thinners."

Morris eyed Eddie skeptically. "Diaz, is it? That's why we're here to talk to Captain Nash. Our captain has a few concerns."

"Where is your captain?" Chim asked.

"He decided it best to go with Buckley," Jameson told him. “Said the guy sued the department once already and that he wanted to make sure he didn't have any reason to do it again. Best care and all that."

"He dropped the suit," Hen said.

Jameson shrugged. "They said that, but we're still confused on how an embolism risk is not only on duty but alone. That seems a bit-"

"He isn't working calls. That is why he was here," Bobby said. "A sort of light duty."

"So you're a man down on calls?"

"For now," Bobby said.

"Riiight," Morris said. "Might be for a lot longer now."

"So he had another embolism?" Bobby tried to get the conversation back to how Buck is now.

"It was what dispatch said he managed to say," Jameson answered. "She wasn't sure because sounded like the guy was coughing up a lung, and from how we found him, I believe it. The guy was collapsed on the ground struggling to breathe and coughing up blood. So seemed right to the medics. They got a tube in, we loaded him up and got him out of here."

"Oh, Buckaroo," Hen said as she shook her head. She reached over and gave Eddie's shoulder a squeeze. He'd gone quiet and a bit pale as they listened to them talk.

"But honestly, we're a bit confused because Deluca used to talk about how close you guys are, but your own guy had to call for us? How does that even happen?"

"It is a long story," Bobby sighed.

"We got until the boss calls us out, and I'm sure the chief will want to hear." With that, Bobby took the two firefighters to his office.

"You okay?" Hen asked Eddie.

"He is on the blood thinners. How could this happen?" Eddie asked, his eyes glued to the blood splatters on the ground.

"Well, meds can fail," Hen said.

"But they usually don't-"

"He couldn't remember if he took them," they all looked up to see another member of the 122 come through the doors.

"What?" Eddie asked.

"Or at least that was what I could figure out with just yes and no questions in the rig," she said. "He might be on them, but he had to have missed more than just one dose for this to happen." She gestured to the mess on the ground.

"He was awake? Is he okay?" Eddie asked.

"He was conscious and as okay as someone can be with a tube shoved down his throat, though I guess his sister said he'd had a trach before, so I guess he has had worse."

"Maddie is there?" Chim said as he pulled out his phone.

"If that is his sister, then she was on her way last I heard from my captain."

"But is he-"

"As fun as this game of 20 questions is, where are Morris and Jameson?"

"In talking to our captain," Hen said.

"Can you take me to them?" The medic asked.

"Sure, he'll be glad to hear Buck was awake." Hen said as she leads her toward Bobby's office.

Chim pulled his phone from his ear. "Maddie's not answering."

Eddie rubbed at his face and looked down at the blood again. "Why wouldn't he call us?"

"You're seriously asking that?" Chim said, causing Eddie to look up at him.

"What the hell does that mean?" Eddie said.

"I mean, if you haven't noticed, this whole situation is a disaster. I thought that scene at the store was bad, but been more than a bit frosty around here since he came back."

"Don't you put this all on me. That’s-" Eddie said, a sharp edge to his tone.

"I'm not. I just-" Chimney started.

"This is on all of us," Bobby said as he approached them. "But mostly me. I should have been keeping a closer eye on him." They all watched as the 122 went back to their vehicles and left.

"Can we go see him?" Eddie asked.

"After we get this place cleaned up."

Buck woke up to the sound of harsh whispers.

"No, this is all your fault. You had one job, to keep your team safe, including my brother. You don't get to pick and choose who on your team you care about. You are their captain, his captain-"

"Mads," Buck managed to call out. His voice sounded off to his own ears, and his throat felt like someone sandpapered it. But at least the tube was out.

"Hey, take it easy. Your vocal cords took a bit of a beating," Maddie said as she rushed back to his side and held up a styrofoam cup with a straw. He took a drink, and it helped soothe his throat a bit, but not much. He looked up at the door and saw Bobby standing in it. Buck forced himself not to flinch but must have failed when he felt his sister squeeze his hand.

"This is what I didn't want to happen," Maddie glared at Bobby. "You-"

"I know this is my fault," Bobby said. "I know I failed Buck. I figured he'd be fine at the station, that he-"

"He is sitting right here," Buck grumbled.

"I know, and I am so sorry Buck," Bobby said. "This should never have happened I-"

"If the 122 hadn't read you the riot act, would you even be here?" Maddie asked.

"Of course, he is still a part of the team, still one of us." Bobby nodded.

"Got a funny way of showing it," Maddie huffed.

"Maddie," Buck cautioned.

"No, Evan," Maddie held his hand between hers. "They treated you terribly. You dropped the suit and did everything they asked, and they still let this happen."

"They didn't make me miss my meds," Buck admitted.

"About that, Buck, when did you stop taking them?" Bobby asked.

"I didn't intentionally do it. I just ran out and couldn't get to the pharmacy because I had to work."

"You should have told me. I would have-" Bobby started to say.

"Don't," Maddie cut him off. "Do not make him feel bad about this. You assigned his shifts. You assigned him every chore in the book. He could have died, and you guys would have come back and found him dead in the station. The one you are supposed to be in command of."

"I know, and that is something I have to live with,” the captain admitted, “Knowing how close we were to losing Buck, and it was absolutely preventable. If we had just paid more attention."

"Damn right you should have," Maddie said, glaring at him.

"I know, and you can't possibly know how sorry I am." Bobby turned to look at Buck and took a few steps closer. "If you want to transfer out, I would understand, we all would, and I know nothing can change what we did, but I promise if you come back things will be better."

"Why would I transfer? What house would want the guy that sued his boss and the department?" Buck said, his face reflecting his depressive state.

"Well, the 122 was quick to call us out. One of the old 118 crew had told them about us, and what they saw didn't mesh with that idea, and they had a lot of questions. You made quite an impression on them. I'm sure you could-"

"You promise if I come back that everyone won't hate me, and I will get to do more than grunt work, right?" Buck asked.

"I assure you most of the team has already changed their tune," Bobby said.

"I don't know,” Buck said, his doubts clear in his tone. “Eddie was so pissed before-"

"I'm sure if Eddie was still angry he wouldn't be out in the waiting room,” Bobby informed him, “the others too."

"Unless he came to yell at him some more," Maddie grumbled.

"If his reaction when we got back to the station was anything to go by,” Bobby said to try and assure them, “I doubt he'll do much yelling, but only Eddie can really answer that."

"So you are really sure they don't hate me?" Buck asked.

"We don't hate you, Buckaroo," Hen replied. They all looked up to see Hen, Chim, and Eddie at the door.

"Right," Buck said, not really believing her.

"Buck," Hen started but was stopped by Eddie.

"You might not believe us now, and that's on us," Eddie said as he moved closer to Buck's bed. "And if we have to earn that back, we will.”

Buck looked up at his sister. “Is this really happening? I’m not dead, right?”

“They’re lucky you aren’t dead, or your lawsuit would look trivial compared to the hell I would have raised,” Maddie admitted without hesitation. “And as tempting as doing it anyway seems and as much as I’d love to see these 3 sweat it, I won’t do that to you.” She squeezed her brother’s hand. “You’ve been through enough.”

“I just want to go back to normal,” Buck said.

“Evan…” Maddie started.

“We can’t go back, can’t change what is done,” Bobby admitted. “Believe me. I wish I could. But we can do better going forward.”

“And we will,” Eddie stated.

“All of us,” Hen added.

“Yeah, what they said,” Chim nodded.

Maddie shook her head but asked, “And you’ll make sure he gets back on his feet and stays that way?”

“Of course,” Bobby agreed.

“You swear you’ll actually have his back this time?” Maddie looked at Eddie.

“On my life,” Eddie answered.

“I will hold you to that, Diaz,” Maddie told him.

“Maddie, please, I just-” Buck started.

“I’m not going to be sorry about holding them accountable, Evan. You wouldn’t be here if they did their jobs. I’m not going to stand here and listen to them make empty promises. They don’t get to try and save their own asses just because another crew called them out.”

“We won't make the same mistake again,” Bobby assured her.

“I’ll make sure they don’t.” They turned to see Athena standing in the doorway.

"Good," Maddie says. She did still trust Athena.

"I just want to go back to work," Buck says.

"And you will after you're cleared for duty," Bobby says.

"But they will not be standing in your way this time," Athena says. “Their superiors have assured me.”

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that even I got a call from the fire chief and the captain of the 122. And they will be keeping an eye on things. And so will I."

Buck groans and drops back against the pillows.

"Evan," Maddie says. "It means they are taking this as seriously as it should be. This sort of thing should never have happened." She glares at her brother's team. "The chief probably just wants to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"And it won't,” Bobby insists. “We'll take whatever punishments the department sees fit. If that's having to put up with inspections and even an investigation, that's fine. We'll do it."

"Technically, I don't think we broke any written rules," Chim points out. Earning a glare from Maddie. "But it was still wrong," he adds. "Hen and I should have stepped in when you came back."

"We should have been checking in with you on how you were feeling and how the meds were going," Hen adds. "We're the medics on the team. Everyone's well-being is supposed to be even more important to us. And we botched that."

"We never wanted this to happen," Chim says. "No one wants you to suffer."

Buck huffs, but it turns into a cough.

Eddie is at his side before he can even get a breath in.

"Slow breaths, as deep as you can without it hurting," Eddie tells him. He goes to put a hand on Buck's back, but the younger man flinches. And Eddie pulls away like he was burned. Maddie rubs her brother's back instead.

"Thank you for the update, but Evan needs his rest," Maddie says sternly. Shutting down any further conversation. "Athena, you are welcome to stay, but I must ask the rest of you to leave."

"Understandable," Bobby acquiesces. "Let us know when you're feeling better, Buck. Then we can discuss your schedule." Buck nods. Bobby turns to the team. "Let's go." He can tell Eddie wants to fight him in this. "We can discuss this later."

Once back at the station, Eddie stares at the now clean spot that was the only hint that Buck had ever been in trouble.

"Eddie," Bobby starts. "You need to give him time. Maybe we both need to start by telling him why we've been so hard on him. I know you hate seeing him hurting as much as we all do, but Maddie is right. We owe him an explanation. We owe it to him to fix this. To be better. I'm going to go call the chief. We may be in for a tough few weeks, but it's…well, it's deserved. We made this mess. I made this mess. Now it's time to face the consequences." He gave Eddie a pat on the shoulder before heading to his office.

Bobby was right. They needed to fix it. And Eddie had a good idea of where to start. If Buck was still in the hospital in the morning, Eddie was going to bring Christopher to see him. If he was back home, then he and Christopher would bring him breakfast. Either way, starting tomorrow morning, Buck would have Christopher back. It may take Buck longer to let Eddie back in, but this would be a start. A peace offering. Yeah, that was a good plan. But first, he needed to call Carla and endure whatever lecture he was about to get. She has been Buck's friend longer than Eddie was. She would not be happy about what happened, but he was sure she would help him. She would help for Christopher's and Buck’s sake. She cares for them both. Eddie might have to work to get back in her good graces now too, but maybe a few added paid days off might help. Maybe. Either way, he had a plan.

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appleteeth · 5 months

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Hi! I saw your response to the post about taking the pill and that you don't anymore - feel free to ignore this ask if you're not comfortable sharing, but why did you stop if it was helping? I used to take these for my hormonal issues and I'm planning to get back to them, but the way your tags were phrased made me think you've stopped taking them for pcos-related reasons (and i suspect i might have it so just trying to keep myself informed).

Oh no don't worry, it's not the pcos that made me stop. I had a bloodclot that resulted in a pulmonary embolism and other dangerous stuff. You're at a higher risk of getting bloodclots when on the pill (or at least the type I was on) and it happened during lockdown when I went from walking roughly an hour a day commuting to work to sitting in my house. So it was mainly circumstances that caused it, but they couldn't let me stay on the pill after.

#medical stuff #tw: pulmonary embolism

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canadiankazz · 2 years

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With the coughing up blood thing. I was going to say. You got the Doc Holliday vibes. But oof! Glad you are okay!

Thanks. (Warning for gross medical stuff) It was while I was in intensive care recovering from a massive pulmonary embolism. The blood was a combo of the damage from the blood clots in my lungs and the intubation tube that I had to allow me to breathe while I was in my coma. I coughed up a lot of blood, and all the nurses were like "oh, that's normal!" and I was like ".... in what way is coughing up blood normal?!" because I'd only ever seen it in the media as a symptom of TB or lung cancer.

It was not fun. I don't recommend it.

(I still kind of want that shirt though)

#real life #tw: blood clots #tw: pulmonary embolism

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ineffectualdemon · 11 months

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I sometimes feel like I'm weak because I'm disabled and can't do a lot because of the pain I'm in daily

Then I remember my pulmonary embolism

TW: lots of medical talk

The normal timeline from "hey my chest hurts" to "in emergency room or dead" is hours

I walked around in agony and struggling to breathe for a WEEK

I did the SCHOOL RUN!

FOR. A. WEEK.

When it finally got bad enough A WEEK LATER and I made my husband take me to the doctor I had to walk upstairs to his offixe which left me doubled over, struggling to breathe, and in agony

Now what should have happened with a pulmonary embolism is that I should not have been able to recover from that and continue the appointment and would have been rushed to the A&E

But I DID recover!

I recovered my breathe and the agony subsided a little and so the doctor thought I had pleurisy and sent me off with oral morphine and to get a chest x-ray (but his instructions told me if the pain meds didn't help to call 999 which is what saved my life)

Anyway my point is I did all this shit which is supposed to be impossible when you have MULTIPLE BLOOD CLOTS IN YOUR LUNGS

So in summary:

I'm actually hard as fuck

#tw medical #tw blood #tw blood clots #blood clots #pulmonary embolism #chronic illness

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serahlink · 7 months

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//TW for medical talk and pics including IVS

Making a new post about this because we're in desperate need of help and I'm not sure what else to do. My father went into a heart center a state away (it was the closest they could transfer him) about a week ago because he was having breathing issues in his rib, and it turns out he has a pulmonary embolism; an infection in the artery in his lung. We aren't sure what caused it, but they were able to say it hasn't done damage yet thankfully. While he's been away, I've been trying to get commissions or any help to pay for another week but we still need 160$ to be good for another week, and we only have another full day to get it all together. We don't have anywhere to go if we can't stay here and I want my father to have somewhere to come home to.

We also need help with getting the meds he needs so the infection doesn't take over, and we will need help getting an Uber to get him back since we don't have any family or friends that could bring him back. I know it's alot to ask for, I didn't expect them to transfer him so far or for the infection to be anything serious at first. But work has been very slow and we can't do this on our own. I want to at least get a week paid for first.

My commissions are in my pinned post, or if you'd like to donate, I have a tipping function on my twitter which you can find here. Anything at all would mean alot to us in this situation. Reblogs included. Thank you.

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penisliker-moved · 1 year

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dear grandmothers who r considering dying suddenly and incredibly unexpectedly Think about what itll do to your poor grandson. hes gonna stop wearing his septum piercing

#she did Nawttt like the septum piercing so i usually flippe it up when i went over #and it ws like. mildly annoying but yk #but i felt so fucking guilty after she died. as if my septum made her have a pulmonary embolism/hesrt attack who even knows what it was at #this point.#but man. so i took em out for th funeral n just. never started wesring them again #and my septum piercing was crooked as hell anywyas LMFAO my friend did it for me on a whim #and my friends vry experienxe in piercinbg (last i checked they had 12 and a half piercings on their face alone #all done by themself n that was like 2 years ago now)#theyre so cool i wish we still talked. sighs #but ya it ws crooked DJRBJTFBNF. whatever #death tw

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serickswrites · 4 months

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Ao3 Series

Hiss--status complete. 10 parts. TW: kidnapping, restraints, pet whump, biting, blood, head injury, muzzling, gag, noncon, sexual assault, nsfw, choking, hospital, hurt/aftermath, hurt/recovery, hurt/comfort, rescue, defiant whumpee. Some team elements, but not overt team whump

Pushed--status complete. 6 parts (Alternate ending available). TW: head injury, hospital, kidnapping, torture, drugging, noncon, choking, suffocation, mcd, cpr, rescue attempt, emotional whump, hurt no comfort, creepy/intimate whumper. (Alternate ending does not have mcd). Some team elements, but is not team whump.

Cicus, Circus--status complete. 6 parts. TW: captivity, restraints, darts, knives, blood, wounds, stabbing, forced to watch, rescue, hospital, hurt/comfort, hurt/aftermath, hurt/recovery. Team elements, but not team whump

Bright Eyes --status complete. 5 parts. TW: captivity, restraint, torture, knife, noncon, sexual assault, blood, wounds, hospital, rescue, hurt/comfort. Team elements, but not team whump

Kingdom Collapse --status complete. 9 parts. TW: explosions, kidnapping, presumed dead, broken bones, wounds, unconsciousness, dislocation, torture, noncon, escape, drowning, cpr, hospital, hurt/comfort, hurt/aftermath, hurt/recovery, caretaker and whumpee

Crashing Waves --status complete. 11 parts. TW: restraints, halluinations, buried alive, kidnapping, drowning, cpr, hospital, pulmonary embolism, blood, stab wounds, impaling, caretaker and whumpee, hurt/comfort, hurt/aftermath, hurt/recovery.

#serickswrites #not writing #writing organization #whump #ao3 collection #whumpblr #whump community #whump writing

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bibuddie · 1 year

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what if.. chris dying is the thing to bring buddie together.. the grief??

oh. oh anon.

i'm going to give you the absolute benefit of the doubt and say this message wasn't sent out of malice, it was just out of ignorance and that's fine. you're human. but i have more than a few things to say about this so it's going below a read more for anyone who's interested.

tw for talks of death/dying and the grieving process in quite a lot of detail, as well as mentions of cancer/treatments. you've been warned folks!

okay, so. my dad died when i was 11, and my mum died when i was 20, and just this last month my maternal grandmother died. i'm not saying that for any kind of sympathy or anything, it's just so you know i have some sort of idea as to what i'm talking about. i've seen up close and personal how losing a loved one wrecks someone. take my mum as an example: after my dad died, things got dark. i'm not going to go into detail bc tbh it's not any of the internet's business but my mum really spiralled after losing my dad. she was utterly lost and for a long while, i wasn't sure my mum would ever go back to the way she was.

taking it from a different perspective, when my mum died, i saw what it did to my grandparents. for a bit of background, my mum was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 2018 pretty much out of nowhere. she went through 7 cycles of chemo, 2 surgeries and 4 weeks of radiation and she was declared cancer free, and then she was killed by a pulmonary embolism. we were all kind of lulled into a false sense of security and then the rug was completely and utterly pulled from underneath us, and it hurt like hell. but i watched what it did to my grandparents in particular. my grandad was pretty much the same as always, maybe a little quieter (a product of the stoicism of his generation maybe).

my grandmother, on the other hand, wanted to go into excruciating detail all the time. in the months immediately after my mum died, she wanted me to recount the night she died in as much detail as i could. for context, my grandparents weren't at the hospital when my mum died, but i was. i was my mum's next of kin, and so a lot of the burden fell on me in terms of making decisions about continuing/withdrawing care. so my grandmother needed to know everything, and i was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place because it hit a point where i wanted so desperately to help, but i had no idea what to do because the one thing my grandmother wanted me to do was ultimately hurting me.

now, how does this all link back to your original message? a child dying is not a reason to begin a new relationship, basically. a relationship started in the wake of grief, especially grief that profound is never going to be healthy, and it's never going to last. look at what happened to eddie after losing shannon - he spiralled, and he spiralled hard, and that's completely understandable. much of eddie's arc in s3/4a was coming to terms with life after losing shannon, and trying not to get stuck in his grief. even when he's dating ana, we see that he's not really ready for that - a relationship centered around his grief is never going to work in the long run, and that plays a role in his whole breakup with ana in the first place.

if christopher died? eddie wouldn't recover from that. sure, maybe he'd survive the acute grief. he'd go back to work and maybe he'd even have some fleeting moments of happiness here and there. but he'd never be the same eddie that we know currently. it took him so long to move out of the grief surrounding shannon and the circumstances around her death. but, as we've seen on the show for seasons now, christopher is his life. everything eddie does, everything eddie is is for chris. if christopher died, eddie would become a shell of his former self. he wouldn't be able to move past that, and he wouldn't be in any place to be in any sort of meaningful, romantic relationship.

buck would obviously also be grieving, but his grief would look different to eddie's. neither of them would be in any sort of place to get together romantically in the wake of christopher's death, and i think implying that they could do that isn't fair to them or to their characters. they'd be too aware of a major missing element in their relationship, and i don't think it's fair to insinuate that they could feasibly get together in the wake of christopher's death. i just can't ever see that conceivably happening, i'm sorry.

(also insinuating a child dying would...encourage his parent to begin dating someone...almost in a hopeful tone...it isn't the one for me)

#buddie #christopher diaz #anon #asks #rebecca rambles #tw grief #tw cancer #tw death #look. this is long but it all needed to be said.

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blinktimes182 · 1 year

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TW: blood clots, life-threatening illness

In January I had what was described as a 'very large' blood clot in my lungs that caused a pulmonary embolism. Originally, they couldn't figure out the cause.

At the beginning of this week, my resting heart rate was around 15/20 BPM lower than usual, sitting around 52. Noticed swelling/slight pain in my ankle. Ended up going to urgent care.

I had an ultrasound yesterday on my right leg - turns out this is the source of my issues. I have clots running down most of the main artery, with only behind the knee being completely clear. complete DVT. I'm now being referred to a vascular surgeon.

I also have a high chance of suffering from more clots, and another pulmonary embolism.

My anxiety is through the roof. I'm constantly thinking I'm going to have a heart attack. I can't stop monitoring my HR and panicking over it.

If anyone has any previous experience with either DVT, Pulmonary embolisms, or blood clots in general and has any advice, please get in touch. I need help through this.

#pulmonary embolism #deep vein thrombosis #dvt #PE #Blood clots #health advice #anxiety

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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So TW medical bitterness, cancer, hysterectomy, abnormal periods, mental health, past abuse. I just want to encourage others with my story, I guess.

Since 2018, I knew something was wrong with my uterus, but I figured I was just young and didn't know stuff yet. I developed late emotionally/physically, like not even getting anything near a stereotypical period until I was 22, even though I'd been spotting since 12.

I started bleeding a lot and never really stopped, even with a fist-sized blood clot that nearly made me pass out. But I got on birth control for the anemia and they said it would reset my reproductive system.

Which for a lot of people it does! Not so for me.

Fast forward to 2020, and I'm in the hospital for a pulmonary embolism that was caused by the very same birth control that kept me from bleeding to death. I asked to get a hysterectomy because something ain't right.

They told me that I being was dramatic and swapped me to progesterone-only birth control. I didn't stop asking though.

Fast forward again to 2022, last November, and I got on antidepressants for the first time. Honestly, it's amazing no longer having a maelstrom of ADHD, anxiety (thanks hospital stay), and depression in my head where I feel lost.

But then I started bleeding again. The antidepressants overrode my birth control. So I quickly switched to another antidepressant and got into the gynecologist who put me on a progesterone booster.

They did an ultrasound and get this, in the 3 days I bled, my body made 19 mm of uterine lining. 19! A month later when I went back to see how much had been dissolved by the higher dose of meds (as is supposed to happen), I was only down to 16 mm of lining!

Obviously, it's not working and I produce far more than should be possible. NO SHIT.

Anyway, so March of this year, I had a D&C surgery. They scrape out my uterus and send all the contents to the lab for testing.

LO AND BEHOLD, TWO WEEKS LATER I AM CALLED IN BETWEEN NORMAL PATIENTS AND TOLD THAT I HAVE UTERINE CANCER.

The only thing I cried about was that I no longer have to fight to get the hysterectomy because it's now seen as a lifesaving operation instead of "convenience".

I'm the one driving this meat suit and I told them there was something wrong for YEARS.

So, in 8 days (April 27th, 2023, since I don't know when this will get shared), I get a hysterectomy and my life back. All the risks of birth control, the weight gain, so much will be gone and I can lower doses on my other meds.

Yes, I'm fat and they can blame as much as they want on that fact, but now that the causes of my overeating are finally getting fixed, I'm losing said weight and I will finally be free.

I'm a subset of asexual with sexual abuse trauma, so while I know the big choice I'm losing, I would rather be alive and foster kids when I'm older than have kids/a relationship and be the emotional/verbal abuser that my parents were because it's so internalized that I haven't dug it out yet.

Never stop asking. Never let them sweep you off to the side. Make your doctor rule out everything until they finally do what you want.

I'm bitter, I admit it. I'm bitter against my mom for not diagnosing me with my ADHD and getting me medicated as a child. My first adderall was my 30th birthday, because I snuck behind her back for it. I don't give a shit about the stigma of mental health, I want to be free. I want to be me.

Find the good doctors out there and hang onto them. Dig your feet in and stand up. AFAB are more than the uteruses we are born with. Fat people are more than just our fat. We are people worth getting real genuine help by the medical field. We need more people to learn how people of different races are built differently too.

I now can't even take HRT (to stave off menopause) because I've had both embolism and cancer.

I admit, I wasn't strong enough to fight against my family for the help I needed, and I'm not sure if it was because I was a coward or just not mature enough. But I'm a human being.

I'm going to win and be happy, even if it takes me fighting for the rest of my life to be seen as worthwhile. I'm so tired, but I won't fall. I can't.

-Audra

Hi Audra,

I'm so sorry that you struggled to get a proper diagnosis and treatment, but I'm glad that you could get the help you needed. Your experiences highlight the importance of advocating for ourselves and persistently seeking the help and treatment we deserve.

The bitterness you feel towards your mom and the healthcare system is valid. It's natural to have complex emotions when reflecting on the past and the support that could have made a significant difference in your life. But the focus now is on your well-being and reclaiming your life.

Please know that you are more than the conditions you've faced. You are a human being deserving of compassion, understanding, and comprehensive healthcare. It's essential to take care of yourself mentally and physically as you continue your healing journey.

I hope I could help. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #audra #tw abuse #tw medical abuse

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ice-sculptures · 5 months

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I haven't seen 911 beyond clips and gifsets your posts/reblogs (your gifsets are always stunning btw!!!). But! I have come to the conclusion that Evan Buckley's forehead is the perfect size for a kiss. I say this in the most platonic way- he looks like he could use the reassurance, poor hurt/sad buddy :(( -TWS anon

you are so incredibly right as always!! he's had his leg crushed by a firetruck, suffered a pulmonary embolism, was struck by lightning and ended up in a coma, went through a tsunami and nearly lost his kid, and that's not even touching on his dead brother and all the neglect he and his sister went through thanks to that....my dude has Issues™️ and could really do with a forehead kiss right about now!! i'm gonna go hunt down eddie diaz so he can do his duty 🫡

#also thank u for the compliment on my gifs that is so kind of u 🥹#btw. if you're ever looking for a new show to watch...911 is excellent :')#answered #anon #tws anon

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yvmoveon · 2 years

Text

TW death. This is a vent post for myself.

I keep thinking about what happened these past shifts I’ve worked. I need to vent everything out but I don’t even know where to start…

I started my shift with high acuity pts. One pt had bladder cancer and was going to surgery and ended with a CBI foley. Another was demented and her hemoglobin was at 3. Another had a exploratory lap sx. Another had a blood infection. and then the lady had MS and a UTI that turned into blood infection. But the patient that really had me emotionally and physically exhausted was this lethargic 79 year old man. He had covid and then ended up with clots in his legs and arms, a pulmonary embolism (clot in his lungs) and then a brain stroke. oh and also his heart rate was consistently in the 180s. When i received him, he was literally was a vegetable. he was being fed through a nasogastric tube. okay so here was the problem. he started getting more labored in his breathing so i checked his oxygen and he was at 70 percent i was like oh no. I went to get a non rebreather and I texted the doc to let him know. he was like there is nothing we can do, he needs to be on hospice because he’s very sick. I agreed. this man’s quality of life would be so low it’s like why make this man suffer.

I was able to get an order of morphine to relax him and stuff which worked for a short time. Now the granddaughter came and she works in the medical field. Palliative care NP came to speak to her about the code status. The pt was full code not Do Not Resuscitate. So like if his heart were to stop, we would have to do CPR and possibly break his rib bones all so that he will die in pain. Which made me extremely sad. The grand daughter was explaining that the pts wife deferred all decision making and to her except the code status. whenever anyone talked to her about allowing her husband to die with dignity instead of die with broken bones and in pain. But she was in so much denial and she didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with everything which i completely understand. but like also … I saw how much distress this pt was in and i knew he wouldn’t make it within the next 24 hours.

So. I called the doctor because he started breathing agonally and he looked so uncomfortable. I felt so bad and I was getting so upset at the situation because you can see this man is suffering. The doctor told me to start a morphine drip and i was like huh?! with a full code pt?? So I called another doctor and he was like why would that doctor want to start a morphine drip when the patient is a full code. I was like exactly it don’t make no sense and i’m not doing that. so the doctor called me back saying he spoke with the grand daughter and the wife was still refusing but she wanted to start the morphine drip. which essentially meant the morphine drip which is given for comfort care so that pts could die in comfort… but if a patient is full code… that means when his heart stop from the drip, we would have to start CPR and break his bones. It basically doesn’t make sense cause it’s contraindicated.

So then another doctor calls and he’s like yeah no we’re not doing that all. it doesn’t make sense. he heard how stressed i was. 😭😭😭 i was stressed !!! So then he was like we’re going to do it the usual way and call icu and start him on high flow oxygen (because his oxygenation became like 20s) I called a freaking code, freaking out about how imma have to break this man’s bones when his quality of life is low and knowing he wont make it. So the code team comes in and the pt doesn’t lose a pulse thank God. We put on the high flow machine and the max he goes on to is like 80s. The code team and my coworkers are all looking stressed and sad because of the situation, it was just soooo sad all around. I got so upset because this man is suffering for what? because his wife doesn’t want to make a decision. by this time, i’m on my 15th hour of work. I leave and come back the next day and the pt coded again and ended up in ICU (when the family didn’t want that but changed their mind at the last second). Around 11am I hear a code blue in ICU and I immediately knew it was him. My friend was actually his nurse… they ended up doing 4 rounds of CPR. He ended up dying. But i’m glad he’s in peace rn. Seeing him in pain and struggling.

And then there was another code the next shift. I was sitting next door when i saw the pts heart going down… 50… 40… 30s… 20s and I said out loud, umm that doesn’t look too good. So i go and help the nurse and the pts heart is now asystole and i’m like um we need to call a code but the assistant manager is like um no we don’t the family was speaking to the doctor about hospice and making her DNR. So then me and this nurse asks, is there an official order? and he said no so we called the dang code. I was pissed off because you can’t just say you’re not gonna start CPR for that reason??? the family was there too and they confirmed that we should start it(This is why I’m scared of these new nurses). We began the CPR for 4 rounds, the pt didn’t make it either.

And getting through this all while precepting a new nurse mind you. It was just a lot of emotions and stuff man.

#and to add i was vomiting all night lmao #it was just a lot #I’m glad he’s at peace now #i was so emotional man #this whole situation just confirms to me that i wanna make a detailed will so my family won’t have to worry about about making the tough #decisions #cause this man ended up with broken bones and dying in pain for what??#anyways i’m done now #💀#venting #nursing #medicine

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