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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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magnusbae · 10 months

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To illustrate this post by @mayahawkse I would like to visualize to you the difference:

A post in 2023:

A post in 2014:

A zoom out of the same post:

This is what a community looks like.

See how in 2023 almost all of the reblogs come from the OP, from their few hours/days in the tag search. Meanwhile in 2014 the % of reblogs from OP is insignificant, because most of the reblogs come from the reblogs within the fandom, within the micro-communities formed there. You didn't need to rely on tags, or search, or being featured. Because the community took care of you, made sure to pass the work between themselves and onto their blog and exposed their followers to it. It kept works alive for years.

It's not JUST the reblog/like ratio that causing this issue, it's the type of interaction people have. They're content with scrolling and liking the search engine, instead of actually having a reblogging relationship with other blogs in their community.

Anyways, if you want to see more content you like, the only true way to make it happen is to reblog it. Likes do not forward content in no way but making OP feel nice. Reblogs on the other hand make content eternal. They make it relevant, they make it exist outside of a fickle tumblr search that hardly works on the best of days.

If you want more of something, reblog it.

#i said i wont ever rant about this bc it's unseemly but HONESTLY.#you simply cannot complain about not having enough of A or B or C and then never reblog / interact with the content you love.#If you LOVE something you cannot just leave a like and silently wait for more to happen #I know countless of content creators that simply stopped doing art/writing fic/making edits #You need to understand that fandom content is made FOR the fandom FOR the engagement FOR the entertainment and fun it makes.#If a content creator does not have fun IN the fandom-- why would they spend the scares free time they have on making this content?#And we're not talking about things that you don't like-- no one expects you to reblog things you don't like.#However I think it's safe to say that when a post has more than 5k it's not some random shitpost with no value.#tumblr issues #tumblr #content creators #buns.txt #something something please don't starve your local clowns

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boxalienist · 7 months

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Is anyone else getting spam followed by bots? Or am I the only one 🥴

#tumblr please do something about this

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welcometogrouchland · 4 months

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ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)

#dc comics #batfamily #damian wayne #stephanie brown #dick grayson #talia al ghul #duke thomas #cassandra cain #mine #woo new art tag. please god let me keep this up all year #uhh anyway yeah! still a big backlog of sketches but i got burnt out which means i had time to collect some #i feel like my art looks. extremely different w/o lines compared to with? idk i worry that's it weird/off-putting #but hey at the end of the day I'm hardly worrying about my brand integrity on tumblr dot com #duke and cass being at poetry club is based on them canonically being into poetry and for a good while duke and jason got along well #Steph is there for both jason and cass' emotional support (unfortunately there's a design flaw. she can't do both simultaneously)#(which is fine bc cass is fleeing the scene at the idea of having to casually hang out with jason)#(they're the exact amount of similar and more importantly different that it's like putting two firecrackers together. bad)#i really like the steph mask designs... it'd be fun to do something with them but idk what y'know?#I'm just like. if we're assuming that her mask has to be different from both babs and cass then this is what I've got as alternatives #i mostly wanted to practice character interaction with the talia and damian one... and also i love them #looking at james gunns batman movie proposal. you keep your hands OFF HER MR GUNN #please if shes evil in a movie they're never gonna let her be good in the comics again 😭#dc when you inevitably cave and do your next big reboot let the ppl finally have the son of the demon origin (w/ tweaks of course)#idk it's canon in my heart. heartcanon if you will <3 #anyway yeah uhhhhhh enjoy?

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pocketramblr · 2 months

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I would do anything to save her.

This was supposed to just be drawing the Taoden siblings hugging a bunch but ah guess that Falin as the tower/princess/dragon post got into my head too much

#chapter sixty seven ruins me every day #but yeah i. have many thoughts #Laios feeding his hungry sister. playing with her hair. and then putting her down. Marcille compares it to sleeping #but his reaction and the fact that he spared Marcille from doing it.... it must have felt very much like tucking her in to sleep #and like what it was: suffocating her. keeping her from saying his name again. killing her.#both at once.#also just. Falin being covered with blood when she's resurrected. but when Laios kills her the only blood is his #and there's not a drop of it on her #something about Laios telling her the red in her cheeks was weird when they were kids. and keeping any of that spilling now.#yeah. when he said he'd do anything to get her back he meant ANYTHING!!!#Alt text #my art #for real tho. please send me the post if you know it so i can link it i can't find it anywhere love you tumblr search dysfunction #and if anyone else wants to go crazy with me about chapter sixty seven well!!! you know where i am!!!#dunmeshi spoilers #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers

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electrozeistyking · 2 months

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DID YUO SEE THE GIF GLITCH JUST DROPPED-

I DID NOT AND DO NOT WANT TO.

Allow me to explain: I want to watch any and all Murder Drones episodes blindly without knowing or seeing anything on them. In fact, that's how I enjoy watching this show. Why, you may ask?

Because that's how I first watched the pilot.

I knew literally nothing about it. I didn't know who voiced in it, what it was all about, who created it... nothing. I just saw a thumbnail for a show that had to do with robots on the internet, and decided to watch it on a whim.

I was blindsided by everything. The first thing I did when N spoke was to very loudly exclaim "MICHEAL?!" And you know what? I enjoyed what I saw! It may have taken me two separate occasions to finish, but I enjoyed my experience watching it!

Did I know episode two came out? I was hyperfixating on something else at the time, so I only found out about it months later. And like with the pilot, I knew nothing about it. I hadn't seen any teasers or anything on it, so once again, I was blindsided by everything I witnessed. So on and so forth, for each and every episode.

It was easy for me not to see anything, because I didn't have reliable internet at the time. Therefore, I was completely unaware of release dates, I didn't see any teasers, I didn't see anything for any episodes.

Obviously, I could not avoid the one featured in GLITCHX, so it was unavoidable and is therefore the only exception to this rule. I am willingly choosing to commit to how I watch these next episodes, because it's been an enjoyable experience for me to get slapped in the face by every episode of this series so far.

And I'd like to keep it that way.

Okay, this is turning out longer than I meant it to be, so let's get to the point I wanna make: while this is the first news we're getting in a long while and it's certainly exciting, I am purposely trying to avoid seeing it so I can continue enjoying it this way.

Anyway, here's N playing the trumpet as an apology if I came off as aggressive at the start there. :3

wait shit was it murder drones related i blacked out when i wrote this

#Zeisty's Askbox #murder drones #murder drones n #promise me you guys won't send me any pictures of the news or tell me about it unless it's a release date or something #if it's a teaser i do not want to see it and won't look at it #thanks for respecting my discussion :3 #you gotta be specific with me too #like this was so vague that I panicked #I know there's going to be news and I know it's circulating tumblr UNTAGGED AND NOT UNDER A READ MORE #but I know not of any gif #if it's digital circus related you can definitely tell me about it though #I saw its first teaser and trailer before the pilot #and I definitely knew all about it #so I don't mind seeing any leaks or teasers or anything on the amazing digital circus #basically please be specific? I misunderstand things if you're too vague with me :(#zeisty’s goofs

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sleepinginmygrave · 2 months

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uh. hello

you can call me jupiter or james but nicknames are more than welcome ⁞ minor ⁞ they/he/she ⁞ pangender ⁞ pan+aroaceflux ⁞ saphillean ⁞ capricorn ⁞ christian ⁞ witch ⁞ french ⁞ regulus + barty + evan kinnie ⁞ harp player ⁞ art is the most important thing to me ⁞ astronomy and marine biology nerd ⁞ big big big animal lover ⁞ huge classical music enjoyer

about me. i guess

musical artists (it is all over the place sorry)↬tv girl. alex g. mac demarco. current joys. mother mother. ethel cain. abba. lamp. vashti bunyan. ichiko aoba. lisa ono. gorillaz. radiohead. nirvana. tyler, the creator. mf doom. crystal castles. conan gray. home. cavetown. deftones. sum 41. rammstein. the smiths. david bowie. queen. t-rex. the beatles. arctic monkeys. simon & garfunkel. sufjan stevens. the cure. strawberry guy. lana del rey. steve lacy. the neighborhood. roar. vacations. lukrembo. liana flores. duster. kyo. sign crushes motorist. macabre plaza. beabadoobee. m83. her's. memo boy. pink pantheress. men i trust. eminem. beach house. yot club. cigarettes after sex. tame impala. eyedress. jack stauber.

classical composers↬ tchaïkovsky; ravel; saint saëns; debussy; satie; fauré; grieg; shostakovtich; liszt

currents animals obsession↬ jellyfishs, sharks, whales, whale sharks, african wild dogs, bovines, horses, (all farms animals. tbh), isopods, snails, any murids, all birds, tarentulas

things i'm deeply passionate about (or enjoy)↬ the sea • rain • animals • plants • poetry • art in any from • classical music • forests • thanatology • marine biology • astronomy • music • bugs • reading at night • art history • plants • gothic architecture • flowers • winnie the pooh

hobbies↬ baking. painting. drawing. knitting. crocheting. playing the harp. going outside. skateboarding. listening to music. reading.

miscellaneous

• i love baking and uhhh i make crêpes almost every week

•@orbitfalls n°1 fan!!!!! everyone go check on her art and read what she write RIGHT NOW because golly i still can't beleive it's possible to be this talented

•i knit and crochet. a lot. too much

•@sceirlose & @idk-what-to-put-here-123 are my parents and i love them very much

• i'm half norwegian so i go there every years and you will see me posting about it

•orange and blue color combo offical biggest fan. i even have a tag for it it's #almost-night blue+warm orange from the windows i think

•i have three older brother :3

•@evanmp3 is my rp blog and i think you should join we still have a lot of free places and we're so funny and cool (to join ask @thedvilsinthedetails)

• you probably guessed that i play the harp, i've been for 8 years now, i'm in a concervatory and play in an orchestra :]

•i love uhhh music,,a lot,,,

• i'm very normal about everything (lying. if you couldn't tell)

•i want weird pets rn i NEED a tarentula and a snake and a lizard and a crow SO BAD it's not even funny i need them SO SO BAD PLEASE GOD LET ME HAVE THEM I WOULD TREAT THEM SO WELL,,,, I LOVE ANIMALS HLHKFKG *shaking crying sobbing etc*

•i love love love winnie the pooh and tagging me in Winnie the pooh stuffs is more than welcome

• i'm just a silly guy ya'll :3

• i'm in a qpr with the amazing @url0cal-weird0 <33

• I LOVE ART SO SO MUCH art history is so so so interesting and i will reblog a lot of art stuffs (i also do art (oil pastels my beloved) and will post it occasionally if i feel silly)

• also i'm uhh i'm a jellyfish.. and a whale shark..(literally. i'm therian) btw i have a nonhuman sideblog now!! it's @st4rllyfish :3

• i'm trying so hard to make this intro post aesthetic and uhhh stuff but really i'm just a guy i promise i can't do anything serious in my life this is very hard for me please be kind :3

• how do you. make a cool intro post

(dividers by @roseraris and @the-blinkie-guy)

blinkies and userboxes!!

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taffywabbit · 1 year

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yoshi pride flag. the colours don't represent anything they're just loosely the colours of yoshi from the n64 game (i say loosely because i was too lazy to colourpick them). except the white/pink/light blue, which ARE still that, but they're also grouped together because every yoshi has transgender swag

#yoshi #taffy art #this wasn't a serious attempt at making a pride flag please do not debate me about it or anything lol #i just drew the yoshi and went to copy it into a group chat but accidentally copied the entire empty canvas around him #and someone said it looked like a yoshi flag or something #so i started adding stripes #i'm not posting this to twitter because i don't feel like it. tumblr exclusive. enjoy

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amanipawx · 3 months

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FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA . PALESTINE WILL BE FREE .

CLICK THIS LINK FOR INFO (masterpost)

CLICK THIS ONE FOR INFO (masterpost)

ZIONISTS ARE NOT FUCKING WELCOME.

i know im literally just a furry artist, but i hope someone can see this and decide to do something for palestine. i cant physically donate currently, as i have my own problems but i will do anything and everything in my power to get palestine to be free.

it may seem stupid to draw my little furry dog sona holding a palestinian flag, and i know it may not be conventional, but im hoping this can change something. do anything.

nobody deserves to be killed. especially not innocent people. people deserve love, and palestinian people are so brave and so powerful to stay strong in such a hard time, so thank them. thank them for their power and strength to continue.

if you by chance follow me and you can donate or support palestine, please do so! i wish i could do something for every donation, but i dont think i can. but every single donation gets the biggest thank you, thank you for all you do for people.

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sincerely-sofie · 9 months

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*gently places angsty Twig comic in your hands*

There comes a point in healing, sometimes, where you must grieve the child you never got to be, and bury her along with the desperate hope of one day somehow becoming her.

It isn’t fair. And it never will be.

But you grieve the child, still.

#hey so do you think the PMD universe has a concept of PTSD or #I gotta admit I’m not so sure about posting this one either ;w;#i like. never make my angstier works public. so this is very new to me #man this AU really is just Twig Going Throught It huh #I promise it gets better #there’s a happy ending pending #Twig just has to get to a point where she can’t keep pushing things aside #she’s got to hit rock bottom so hard it knocks enough sense into her to ask for help #also when Young Twig appears beside Adult Twig she’s not literally there!#not sure if that was clear #Twig talking about how she feels messed up just reminded Grovyle of something she said while a human #it was a lil flashback on his end #*slips tumblr a $20 bill* please let this be less blurry than the last comic #stuff by sofie #the present is a gift AU #pmd2 #pmd eos #pmd explorers #pmd sky #pmd #pmd au #pmd comic #pmd grovyle

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jade-len · 3 months

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first time sketching bingbing (+ random person) with a sad attempt at the arcane style

can you tell i can't draw baby faces. or anything below the torso.

#if you guys have any art tips please give i have almost zero clue what i'm doing #i was actually trying to make bunhe happy but then it was kinda going terribly so i decided to make it a little sad #something feels off about the bunhe sketch but i dont know what it is. maybe its just my inability to draw children #desperately tried to use powder as a reference and failed miserably #ill look back on this and cringe most likely #i might regret posting this #is it just me or does tumblr make every picture blurry #this was an attempt #svsss #mxtx svsss #luo binghe #bunhe #the scum villain's self saving system

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ebonytails · 18 days

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maybe im just dumb but what is the difference between kris p and kris t?

TL;DR - They are Kris Dreemurr fictives and we needed a way to differentiate them

Oh you're not dumb, don't worry! It really is a little confusing because we haven't talked about who they or we are in a very long time. I'm going to talk a lot here so you have all the context you might need! If it''s too long,, the TL;DR above is the gist of it.

For context, we are a system! You can read about it a little in our FAQ

Kris T and Kris P are TWO Kris introjects/fictives of Kris Dreemurr from Deltarune in our system.

Originally we just had Kris T who split in Dec 2018, and then when Chapter 2 came out, Kris P came into our system after that. Of course at first, Kris T. was just "Kris", but since we had a double now, we had to figure out how to differentiate between the two. We knew another Kris fictive from a different system at this time who was nicknamed P. Kris by Susie in our system, and susie wanted to emphasize who she was talking about.

SO. As a small nod to that, everyone decided to nickname Kris P as Kris P, as an inverse of P. Kris.

A little convoluted, I know!

Besides being Kris introjects/fictives though, they also look different! I made some new drawings to try and showcase their differences if that helps :3?

Their dark world forms also look different. Kris T's is simpler, with a shiny soft cape, while Kris P's is more complicated with a hooded cape, which is also described as "very comfortable"

Here's a whole Toyhouse of images of how Kris T. looks like right now! There's also his reference ! vvv

Sorry if you weren't interested in our "life story"! They're not just random characterizations (they are alters), so I wasn't sure how to answer w/o giving you some sort of explanation.

They have their own sideblogs, so if you have specific questions directed towards them, you can always ask here because we'll see it better, or you can send them an ask in their own blogs. Kris T's is @kristalpepsi, and Kris P's is @itswhattheycallyou

#ask #Anon #fictive #fictives #headspace #ebonytailsart #Because I drew something I guess???#Tumblr is going to be special because I think these images are going to be too haunted for Twitter and Instagram #Feel free to call Kris T. Kritty or Kris T.!#Please be nice to him. He is still a person and presents as trans and nonbinary both inside and when fronting #He just so happens to use binary pronouns.#This is all information they're willing to share publicly! Especially because this has all been public information since 2018 lol!#In regards to 'does this means I cant reblog art of them anymore or use their art as my icon/header?' you still can! It doesn't matter.#As long as the post itself doesn't say “do not use as...” then don't worry about it! :3 #Being a system in public/ online and having UTDR fictives is actually rather terrifying. Susie is just very brave about it and doesn't care #Hm what else.. this really brings us back to ogeeitsme.. when people would ask us questions about our system a lot.#Like 'what's the difference between Chara's and Kris's eyes?" We drew a whole graph for that hehe #From Kit #If I get too scared I may delete this.

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omaano · 12 days

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"Cassian's face is a brittle thing, no person's eyes should shine as painfully tearful as his. Kino offers his hand and Cassian - bright as the sun, steady as a roc, fluid as water Cassian - accepts it with shaking fingers. He tells Kino everything."

Art for we're spitting off the edge of the world by Xenomorphic for the 2024 Star Wars Big Bang @swbigbang. It is an amazing Canon Divergence Fix-it fic from one of the most memorable moments of Andor onwards, with beautiful prose that fits the mood of the show so so well and will make you feel just as deeply for these characters. Please give it a read and heap some love on my team's amazing and hardworking author, they were such a delight to work with!❤️

#andor #star wars andor #andor show #andor fanart #cassian andor #kino loy #my art #star wars fanart #star wars big bang #digital art #fanart #sw fanart #artists on tumblr #digital fanart #cassian x kino #cassino #<- sorry I had to it was too funny to not type it out here XD #I am super duper proud of the middle panel especially Kino in that one #it came out just that nice balance of illustrative and realistic that I try to aim for in my art but not always achieve #I'm so grateful that Xeno was so kind and patient with me through this one!!#the fic is seriously so so beautifully written I cannot recommend it enough please read it even if the ship doesn't really interest you #it's about deep feelings and keeping it together in the face of something larger that needs you #and companionship and community and support #have I mentioned that it's BEAUTIFUL?#diego luna's face is hard okay? I'll do better if I ever draw him next time I was in a a bit of a hurry here ^^;#do I always draw spaceship cockpits for these bangs? there seems to be a trend here XD #at least i didn't have to build a mockup for this one first tho lol

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chaos-bringer-13 · 17 days

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Jazz's little. Her parents are super cool. They're ghost hunters! It sounds like something from a movie about future and scientists and supernatural beings and cool-looking tech. They have cool-looking tech at home. It's even cooler than tech in the movies.

Jazz also has a little brother. He's stupid but he's hers, and she will protect him from anything. Her brother is very small, he needs someone to protect him and teach him about the world.

She knows about the world. She understands their parents much better than him, and she can tell her brother when they shouldn't be distracted. She knows when they're upset and irritable, and she knows when they're too excited and being near them is dangerous because of all the inventions.

Jazz does a very good job keeping her little brother safe.

---

Jazz goes to school. Her teachers say that she's very smart, the best student in class, and very mature. Her parents are proud of her - when she manages to distract them from ghosts. Her brother is still kinda stupid and doesn't know how to properly fight food, but she's always there to protect him, because that's what older sisters do.

Her classmates seem to think that she's weird though. Some of them say mean things and call her a teacher's pet and a show-off. Jazz isn't sure why they think so because she's always trying to be friendly but maybe she's doing something wrong. She goes to the school library and finds a book about people and their communication.

It's a very interesting book.

---

Jazz is almost a teen. She's gotten better at communicating with people. The school library ran out of psychology books, and Jazz now has to go to the city library but that's fine. Human brain fascinates her.

She's been feeling like something is wrong about her though. She even thought that she was going crazy for a little bit. That probably wasn't true because she didn't match any symptoms but she was still worried.

Someone told her that being so good at lying and faking face expressions is not okay. That's probably not true, Jazz is pretty sure almost everyone can do that. Or maybe she's just being a prodigy again. It's a very good thing to be able to do after all. She can hide her emotions from her family when she's feeling sad. She wouldn't want to worry them, would she?

She'll have to research it.

---

Jazz is a teen. She now knows that her parents aren't actually that good. It's something that was really hard to accept but it did explain everything. Her parents are kinda bad at being parents, and they also don't really listen when she tries to explain it to them.

It's okay. She's almost an adult and Danny has her. She can take care of herself and her brother.

She learns everything she can about being a parent and a therapist and tries to use her knowledge. It's hard, but she's a Fenton, which means that she's very smart and determined. She pushes through, and trains on her classmates and herself.

In the evening she writes about her feelings in a journal. It's very important to be aware of her feelings because that's the first step to dealing with them.

She's experiencing sadness. And anger, actually, even though she doesn't like to admit that.

She writes "this family is a fucking mess" in her journal and then covers the paper with ink until the sentence is absolutely unreadable.

---

Jazz is sixteen, and her stupid parents opened the stupid portal, which means that they're even worse than usual. It's pretty much okay when they're just stuck in their stupid lab, making some stupid weapons. It's not that okay when they're out of the stupid lab, because they get their stupid inventions all over the stupid house, and stupid food comes to life, and she has to protect Danny from both their stupid weapons and stupid hotdogs, and oh god everything is so stupid.

She's experiencing anger.

She's also acting perfectly calm and almost cheerfully.

Jazz hates how perfect her fake smile is in the mirror.

---

Jazz is seventeen. She wants to put her headphones on and listen to some loud music. Jazz can't do that, because she gets anxious if she can't hear what's happening around her. She needs to be fully aware of her surroundings because she needs to be able to protect herself and her brother if weapons against ghosts become weapons against children again.

She thinks that it's not okay.

The house smells of ectoplasm, so she'll be extra careful when opening the fridge.

She thinks that she shouldn't know how ectoplasm smells.

Jazz should probably also warn Danny: her little brother's gotten better at fighting food but doesn't notice the smell of ectoplasm. Funny, considering his ghost sense.

Funny, considering that her brother is a half-ghost.

That her brother died.

That she failed at protecting him after all.

Jazz stops breathing to prevent herself from crying, and doesn't need oxygen for a few minutes too long.

Maybe she failed at protecting herself too.

---

Jazz is turning eighteen next month. Her parents are all of a sudden more attentive and caring, as if that can change their almost-absence during her whole life. She doesn't like their attention because she doesn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even really think of them as parents anymore.

She thinks of them as a threat.

Once she's eighteen, she's gonna try to move out, and she's going to take Danny with her because it's not safe to leave him here. Maybe after she gets a good job and saves some money, she'll even get into therapy.

Jazz thinks that she needs therapy.

She's been having Bad Thoughts lately, and she doesn't write them down in her journal. Jazz stopped writing anything in there ever since she found out that Danny is a ghost. She just couldn't risk anyone finding that journal.

Jazz isn't sure if she should call those Bad Thoughts intrusive. They scare her, and they're Bad, but it could be just her normal thought process.

It's still definitely not normal.

---

Jazz is eighteen. Her parents are very excited, whispering to each other about how they found a perfect present for her, some surprise that she's gonna love.

She doesn't care.

Her little brother is late from school, and it's weird, because he was also super excited about giving her his present.

She's worried.

Her parents brush off her concern, say that Danny probably just got distracted talking with his friends. They don't listen when she says that Danny wouldn't get distracted like that on her birthday because he's not them, he actually cares about her, he doesn't forget her birthdays, and something has to be wrong for him to be that late.

They don't listen to her at all.

She's angry.

Her parents are excited and talk loudly about how they wanted to find a perfect gift for their favourite daughter, and how they managed to do it because they love her so much. She hates when they're excited. It only leads to problems.

They bring her to the lab because of course they do, why would they make a gift that is normal and isn't kept in the lab, right? They usher her in, so obviously proud of themselves.

She hates them.

And she hates them much, much more the next second, because the gift is her little brother in his ghost form, strapped to a table, unconscious and injured, and the smell of ectoplasm is strong in the lab because of his green blood dripping on the floor.

There's a cold part of her that analyses her feelings and tells her what emotions she's experiencing, and that part is very aware of thick black smoke of wrath twirling and twisting under her skin. It's suffocating, and she stops breathing as it invisibly fills her lungs, scared of letting it out.

There's a perfectly fake part of her that keeps the smile on her face as her parents gush about how hard it was to catch the ecto-scum, and what they can do to it - together with Jazz because they wanted to share this with their amazing daughter.

Jazz is black smoke of rage under perfect glass of calmness when she grabs Fenton anti-creep stick. The smile she learned to fake under any circumstances doesn't falter when Jazz brings the baseball bat down on her father's head. It grows a little bit wider when she hits her mother, because Jazz learned to smile brighter when she's hurt or sad or scared or angry - experiencing any "bad" emotion actually.

Jazz is angry when she grabs her weapon.

Jazz is furious when she kills her parents.

Jazz is worried when she checks her brother's wounds.

Jazz feels nothing when she rigs the portal to blow, walks out of the house and presses the button.

She is her parents' genius daughter after all, and she did listen when they were telling her about their inventions. Maybe it would have taken longer to do, but she had Bad Thoughts, and they probably weren't just intrusive after all, because she did what they told her and made it very easy to make a bomb out of a portal. Just in case. Her parents were a threat, and Jazz was smart enough to prepare to dealing with threats, and she was smart enough to make it look like the threats dealt with themselves.

She really hoped she wouldn't have to use that button though.

---

Jazz is nineteen. Her sort-of-friends at uni offer to go to a restaurant, and she tells them that she doesn't celebrate her birthdays. There's a noise of all of them saying that maybe she should try, noise that she really should have expected, because humans are always so excited about any holidays, it's hard for them to understand that someone might not like them. It's not hard to stop that noise though. They shut up very quickly when Jazz says that she had "a very traumatic event" on her birthday.

Good. She doesn't like loud people.

Jazz goes home to her little brother. He's sad because his parents died in an awful explosion a year ago. He's still trying to smile because it's also her birthday, and Jazz is very happy that he's bad at faking a smile.

It means that he won't end up like her.

Jazz hugs her little brother, and he gives her a little present that she adores, and then they sit in silence and eat some takeout. It's very nice.

She never tells Danny that their parents died before the explosion, and that the explosion wasn't an accident, and that their ghosts did form after that because of all the ecto-contamination they had, but she made sure this wouldn't become a problem. She never tells him what she's done, because that would hurt her little brother, and she would never let anything hurt him.

Jazz will protect her little brother from anything.

#I was feeling kinda upset yesterday #and decided to make it everyone's problem #this just clawed its way out and why not put it on tumblr #it's not like many people will see it #I love when a mix of “bad parents” AU with “protective Jazz” AU turns into “Jazz kills her parents” AU #I've seen a few stories with this twist and apparently it wasn't enough for my brain #Jazz deserves to go a little crazy #also yes Jazz is liminal here because of the ecto-contamination #and she found where the ghosts of Fentons were starting to form and destroyed them #killed them twice #double double kill #protective murderous Jazz my love #make her brother upset and she will make sure you're gone *forever*#if it's not clear: the “Bad Thoughts” was her thinking “maybe I should kill my parents before they kill my brother”#and then she went and did something with the portal so that it would be one added detail and a press of a button away from exploding #in case she needs to run away from home with Danny and kill their parents #she didn't know if she would be able to kill them with her hands and not from away because it's hard both physically and psychologically #but she couldn't risk them doing something to Danny #and it was easier than she thought it would be #I've been thinking a lot about how Jazz could get interested in psychology because of her own problems #and how she definitely hides her emotions #if you see any mistakes please tell me because this is also kinda my way of learning English better #danny phantom #tw: murder #tw: death #tw: neglect #this is my first time doing this so please tell me what warnings I forgot and I will add them

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