#tried several therapies that helped somewhat | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

poppy-in-the-woods · 2 months

Text

Overcoming The Past

Plot: Reader was sexually assaulted as a teen, which resulted in her having a fear of oral sex. Now, years after the incident, she enlists her boyfriend Noah to help her overcome her fear, leaving the past behind once and for all.

Pairing: Noah x Female Reader

Word Count: 1276

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Tags: smut, oral sex (male receiving), mentions of sexual assault and related trauma, some angst and hurt/comfort at the end (does it still count if the hurt was years before the comfort?), overall Noah being the best boyfriend ever.

Author's note: So this is a reader insert, but let's be honest, that's me, that's what I went through, and I wish someday I'd find someone as understanding as Noah is in this, so I can try some exposure therapy with. In the meantime, I'll just keep on trying to heal.

Noah had known of your trauma pretty much since you two started dating, you even told him before you had sex for the first time. He had reacted predictably when you told him (“I want to kill that bastard!”), like other boyfriends before him, but in the moment of truth, he didn’t act like your previous boyfriends, he was much more understanding and caring. He also didn’t want to hear about not giving you oral.

“I am fine with you not giving me head, babe, but you’re not going to forbid me from doing one of the things I like the most when it comes to giving you pleasure,” he had said. You had tried to protest, but he was having none of it. “I don’t care about equality, I just want to make you feel good.”

But you knew he missed it, even if he didn’t say it, and you wanted to give it to him. It was time to overcome your stupid fear and worship his cock like he deserved. So, you talked to him about trying to do some exposure therapy with his assistance, and he agreed to your conditions: baby steps and no touching your head.

At first, you just kissed his tip and shaft with your lips closed, all while Noah praised and reassured you. This went on for several weeks until you felt comfortable with it. Next, you progressed to open mouth kisses and kitten licks. When you decided that you were ready for a somewhat proper blowjob, three months after the beginning of the experiment, you communicated it to him.

“You sure about this, babe?” Noah asked, looking at you. You nodded. “Okay, but we can stop whenever, if you feel you can’t do it anymore, just say it, there’s no need to put yourself in more stress and trauma.”

“I know,” you said. “That’s why I am going to ask you for something.”

“Sure, babe,” he replied enthusiastically. “What do you need?”

“Can I tie your hands? Either above your head or behind your back, so you can’t grab or move my head,” you asked. “It's not that I don’t trust you, but I’d be more relaxed if I knew you can’t do it, no matter what.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said.

If he expected you to use a scarf or something like that, he was very, very wrong. You had been thinking about that a lot and you were prepared; he swallowed when he saw the leather handcuffs you had bought.

“Is this okay?” you asked him, somewhat insecure.

“Yeah,” he said.

After undressing each other while making out, you handcuffed him to your headboard, making sure he was comfortable with a couple of pillows behind him to protect his back from the cold and hard metal.

“Are you comfy?” you asked. He nodded. “Okay.”

You took a deep breath, looking at his erection. He was very big, and his size intimidated you. How were you supposed to take all of him in?

“Babe, look at me,” he said. You lifted your gaze to meet his eyes. “You don’t have to deepthroat the first time, or ever, for that matter. Focus on the tip, like it’s a lollipop. Use your hand to stroke the rest and you’ll be fine, okay?”

You reminded yourself why you were doing this. Not only for him, but for yourself, to feel you finally left your trauma behind.

I’m stronger now, and he loves me, it’ll go fine, you thought.

“You’ll tell me when you’re close, right?” you asked, closing your hand around his shaft and stroking lightly.

“I won’t cum on your mouth or face, I promise. I’ll let you know when I’m close,” he assured you.

You darted your tongue out to lick the tip, feeling the velvety skin, salty because of the pre-cum. It didn’t taste bad, though. You swirled your tongue around the glans, making him moan, while pumping him with your hand.

“Oh yeah, babe, like that,” he praised you.

Encouraged by that, you put him in your mouth, still just the tip. You did as he had instructed, swirling and lapping at his skin like he was your favorite ice-cream. He moaned again, closing his eyes and throwing his head back in pleasure. His breathing was also beginning to race. A throaty groan escaped his parted lips. He looked fucking delicious like that.

“Fuck, babe, I’m close,” he said after a while, looking at you.

“Yeah?” you asked. He nodded. You stretched to grab the tissue box on the nightstand while still masturbating him. You swiped the pad of your thumb over, and he hissed. He was past the point of no return and you could tell. With your free hand, you prepared a tissue.

“Shit! Fuck!” he cried, coming undone. “God, babe, you’re seriously good at this,” he added, panting.

“I know you’re lying,” you said, getting up to free his hands.

“Lying? You just saw it, I came! How can I be lying?” he asked, rubbing his wrists in an effort to reactivate circulation.

“You came, alright, I got you to orgasm, but that doesn’t mean I am ‘seriously good’ at this, and you don’t have to lie to make me feel better, or whatever,” you said.

“You underestimate yourself, babe,” he said, cupping your head, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “Anyway, this isn’t about me, how are you feeling?”

“Well, the exposure therapy worked, I think. As long as I don’t feel your dick is blocking my airway, or you don’t touch my head, I can suck you off no problem,” you explained. “I feel it’s still a work in progress, though, so next time we should try with your hands free, see how I react.”

“You don’t have to do this for me, babe,” he promised you, kissing your cheek.

“I know. But I refuse to let that jerk has power over any aspect of my sex life anymore,” you replied, determined.

“You’re so strong!” he sighed, kissing your forehead. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you!”

“You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” you replied. “You’ve been so understanding and patient with me, with this issue. All of the others came to resent me and… they wanted everything, no middle ground possible, and I…”

You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks. He hugged you.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with so many jerks, but I promise, you won’t ever have to,” he said, rubbing your back in a soothing way. “Can I do anything right now to make you feel better?” he asked.

“Can we cuddle for a bit?”

“Of course, babe!”

You lied next to each other under the covers, to keep from getting cold, but the truth was Noah’s body heat could have maintained you two warm enough already. You shifted, putting a leg over his, hugging him and resting your head on his chest; his steady heartbeat was very calming.

“So, you weren’t lying before?” you asked after a while, propping up on your elbow to look at him.

“I’ve might have had exaggerated my praises,” he admitted, stroking your hair. “But you got so much potential. I really liked it.”

“That sounds a lot more like the truth,” you replied, smiling, resting on his chest again.

“But you don’t need to become a pro,” he said, caressing your back with light fingers. “I’m happy with what we have, with whatever you can give me. You don’t have to become a porn star or whatever to satisfy me,” he assured you.

“I know, and I’m grateful for that,” you said. “I love you, Noah.”

“I love you too.”

#poppy writes #noah sebastian #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfiction

89 notes · View notes

aziraphales-library · 1 month

Note

Hi! I've tried looking for it myself, but I've only found two results and both were in languages I don't speak, so I think it's time to call in the experts :)

I'm looking for GO fics which talk about conversion therapy, I figured there must be some seeing as there are many queer and religious themes in Good Omens but so far I haven't had any luck finding them!

Thank you for your help, your patience and your hard work 💚

Hello! These are the only fics I can find that even mention conversion therapy...

The Truth by mordelle (T)

Adam and Warlock to dinner and Aziraphale is forced to talk about his bleak past.

Wednesday by originaldaniphantom (T)

Channeling Matilda and my Evangelism-infused upbringing: Crowley and Aziraphale are surrogate gay dads to a lil bby queer.

fast times at south downs university by littlesnowpea (T)

It’s 2:46 p.m. on a rainy Tuesday in March that Anathema Device, a Women’s History lecturer at South Downs University, realises the following things: She’s forgotten her umbrella again. Dr. Fell, the head of the English Department, offers to share his as they walk into campus together, and Dr. Fell is married. This is significant not because Dr. Fell shared his umbrella – he’s shared his umbrella many times before, and is quite generous – but instead is significant because in the entire two years Anathema Device has taught at South Downs University, she never knew Dr. Fell was married.

So Much to be Consoled as to Console by Arokel (T)

“What are you,” Crowley drawled, “the patron saint of queer kids?” A series of lost souls over the centuries who prayed, whether they knew it or not, to the Angel Aziraphale.

All This Bad Blood Here by erroneous_hedgehog (T)

Maggie moves to a new town and, in search of friends, stumbles into the community at a little church right near her house. The lives of Maggie and her friends will intertwine for a time, break apart, and come back together in somewhat spectacular fashion throughout their teenage years. - Told in scenes across several years, this is a soft, wishful piece (that skates over some much darker themes) that became progressively less realistic (but also more affirming) from one moment to the next.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #queer themes #conversion therapy #mod d

33 notes · View notes

sirianasims · 4 days

Text

📩 Simblr question of the day: Who are 2 OCs that actually did match each others freak? @simblr-question-of-the-day ❤️

For me, it's definitely Samuel and Freya - but neither of them realise until much later.

Beware major story spoilers and some spice below!

When they start out, Freya is completely inexperienced and has some severe hangups about sex in general. This makes Samuel treat her like she's fragile, and he never tries to push or expand her boundaries, keeping things very vanilla.

Even later in their relationship, things are still somewhat boring and routine, and it doesn't help that they have two small children who take all their time and energy. And even though Freya actual starts to wish for more excitement and passion, she's still too mired in shame to ask Samuel for it.

Their marriage keeps deteriorating, and reaches a point where they rarely even share the same bed. In Freya's mind, they're on the brink of divorce, which may help explain what she does next.

When Freya decides to sleep with Charlie, she's finally giving up. She's giving up on her ideas of the perfect marriage, on being the perfect wife, she's just throwing her whole life in the trash. But she's also letting go of some of her conservative attitudes and finally admitting to herself that sometimes she would actually like to just get railed and told what to do 🙈

Obviously, Samuel is not impressed with her actions and they divorce. And Freya finally goes to therapy and figures out her issues, eventually realising that she never properly loved Samuel to begin with, she just wanted the picture perfect family.

She's healing - and then she falls in love with her ex-husband.

Awkward.

When Freya and Samuel get back together, Freya asks him to stop holding back on her, and he can finally let go as well. Everything is better for both of them this time, but the final piece of the puzzle is still missing and doesn't happen until their vacation in Sulani.

Samuel has a surprisingly strong response to Freya jokingly calling him sir, and it's implied that this is a kink they'll continue to explore further, now that they're able to be open and honest about their desires.

We're now focusing on their daughter Julia, but I promise that behind the scenes, Samuel and Freya are very happy in their Dom/sub second marriage these days ❤️🔥

#sqotd #samuel ward #freya duchelli

23 notes · View notes

serpentinespider · 2 months

Text

Earth-6198 Flash ref!! Yippee!!

His appearance and personality are based almost entirely off of MCU Flash (with some of my own personal touches obviously), though the reasons he acts the way he acts are different. I also took several aspects from the comics, story-wise. He’s probably the character I’ve put the most thought into for this AU. I love him dearly :]

Abbreviated info under the cut! (It’s still pretty long, though.) Content warning for ableism.

I wouldn’t call Flash a bully exactly, because that would imply aggression; he’s just, well, a teenage boy. He also comes from a pretty wealthy family, which makes him entitled, plus his parents don’t really give him any positive attention. He makes insensitive jokes and generally tries to keep himself as the center of attention because he’s insecure and seeks approval from his peers. Will do pretty much anything to be liked, and if that fails he’ll act out for attention. He’s very resentful of anyone he considers to be smarter or “better” than him. Flash has a running rivalry with Harry Osborn. Harry is somewhat GNC, has stereotypically “cringe” interests, and is disabled (t1d) so he’s an easy target for Flash’s mean jokes. (Flash thinks that he’s “allowed” to make ableist jokes at others’ expense because he himself is disabled.)

Flash has cerebral palsy which affects his fine motor skills and ability to walk. His parents got him into physical therapy as early as possible, and he responded well to it— but not well enough for their liking. In Harrison Thompson’s mind, the goal wasn’t to improve Flash’s quality of life, but to “fix” him. Flash grew up with his parents constantly looking down on him, insinuating that his disabilities were his own fault. Sentiments like “you just have to work harder to compensate; if you fall behind, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough” were common. He’s taken that mentality to heart, and has very little self-worth + large amounts of pent-up stress and anger that he takes out at anyone else who is also “abnormal” (hence his meanness towards Harry).

He has also latched onto Spider-Man as a more… positive(?) reflection of these feelings— his father, who’s a police chief, hates Spidey, so liking him is like Flash’s small way of going against the stuff his parents say (even if it’s subconscious/he doesn’t fully know that’s why).

In sophomore year, Flash dated Felecia Hardy. They were the world’s most obnoxious couple, always getting in very public fights, breaking up but then getting back together dramatically a week later, etc. Felecia and Flash both have huge crushes on Spider-man, leading Flash to have a sexuality crisis and Felecia to break up with him for good after a few months of dating.

Black Cat was commissioned by an anonymous benefactor to steal an “alien clone” from Alchemax… she’d never done anything NEARLY on that level, but she was being offered a lot of money so she agreed. She did manage to steal the thing, but the deal fell through, and suddenly she had one lab-grown alien and no money to show for it. At a loss for anything else to do, panicking a little, Felicia dumped the alien onto the only person she could think of: her ex-boyfriend Flash.

Now, despite what his parents might tell him, Flash is very smart, and figured out what the thing was. Flash is, at first, very hyped about this. His first thought is, of course, to become a vigilante like his idol Spider-Man. Flash has a strong desire to be useful— not in the “I want to help other people” sense but in the “I need to prove to others that I have worth” sense. So, he crafted the Anti-Venom identity for himself!

Around this time, Spider-Man was in the process of fighting his first big villain, Hobgoblin, so the two ended up teaming up to try and take her down (in the least violent way possible). This caused some internal conflict for both Flash and Spidey…

Flash centered his whole identity around "fitting in" to the point that he actually has no identity of his own. He doesn’t know what he likes, he has no concept af his own style outside of mimicking others that he sees as influential, obviously the most prominent of these being Spider-Man. Which obviously comes with its own twisted irony since Spidey himself is so insecure in his own masculinity (mainly because he’s trans). The two of them were sort of trapped in this feedback loop of insecurity and validation when they first teamed up... Spidey longs for connection, but was unable feel comfortable around Flash as he felt like he has to perform to live up to Flash’s expectations. Meanwhile Flash had based his whole personality off of liking Spider-Man and put on this macho facade to try and impress him. But that just made Spidey feel more inferior, afraid he isn’t passing well enough, etcetera… their dynamic made even more complex by Flash’s very obvious (and unrequited) crush on Spidey. They’re awful, I love them :3

#Flash Thompson #earth-6198 #fishy art #Anti-Venom #symbiote

17 notes · View notes

cyber-streak-2 · 11 months

Note

Headcanons about IDW Pipes, IDW Vos and IDW Rung finding out their Cybertronian SO was domesticated

I told you the angst was coming :)

IDW1 Pipes, Vos, & Rung with a Cybertronian S/O that had been domesticated:

Vos

[He immediately knows that you’ve been domesticated- he and the others had been around at the time to see it. And even if he hadn’t, they’d all still know.]

[He... doesn’t know the reason for why you were domesticated, though. He assumes, though, that it had to be something bad- like something similar to the reason the former Vos was domesticated, but he’s still not certain.]

[Eventually, he does actually learn the reasons, and... he still loves you.]

[He knows you did bad- and being domesticated is bad- at least for you, but he’s just glad that you weren’t killed, instead.]

[Vos doesn’t treat you like a pet like how the others start to- like how they’ve treated... well, The Pet. You’re still his S/O. He cuddles you (although that was already typical), and may give you a pet sometimes- but he still treats you pretty much the same, mostly.]

[Hes a good DJD member- he’s loyal to the ‘Cons, but... he also wants to help his S/O, but this mech doesn’t have a clue on how.]

Rung

[You’d been missing since all of you landed on a somewhat abandoned but still lively (in some way) planet. Despite a search actively going on, nobody had been able to find you.]

[Although... there seemed to be some sort of creature onboard the LL. Someone even got attacked- which everyone learned when a panicked Tailgate arrived in the medibay with a wounded Getaway.]

[Getaway had informed Rung and everyone else how it looked— and Rung immediately thought that it reminded him of your beast-mode.]

[A search for the hostile creature was set in motion—and while Rung had been in a therapy session, he was called down by Rodimus.]

[He finds Rodimus and some of the other crew with the creature—which he quickly learns through the others that it doesn’t just happen to look like your beast-mode—it’s you.]

[Rung is horrified. Nobody knows who did this to you or even the reason. You’re hostile—practically to everyone, except towards Rung himself.]

[So, he decides to have you with him, while the others try to think of how to basically un-domesticate you. Rung is also setting up some sessions for you- being like this probably wasn’t the best experience.]

Pipes

[You were his S/O that hadn’t joined the quest, but still kept in contact with Pipes pretty often. Which is why he felt confused and concerned when you stopped talking to him... it was going on for several months now.]

[He was in trouble with some strange creatures on the planet that the ship had landed on- he gets blasted, like, once, before you appear—and he witnesses you attack the creatures, but not him.]

[A stray attack from whatever you were fighting hits him—and Pipes wakes up in the medibay—Rodimus, Ultra Magnus, and Rung are there—alongside the medics.]

[Pipes is confused at first... until he turns to his side, and sees Drift- who promptly explains what was figured out, and that confusion is quickly turned into horror and concern.]

[While everyone tries to figure out how to help you, Pipes stays with you the entire time, hoping that you’ll be okay.]

[He wishes that this had happened to him, instead—you didn’t deserve something like this.]

#Requests #X Reader #Headcanons #Nightace12 #IDW1 #MTMTE #Pipes #Vos #Rung #Asks #Answers #Anubis’s Chatter #Cyber’s Chatter #Save tag

53 notes · View notes

kdramacrybaby · 2 months

Text

Doctor Slump (2024)

Genre: Medical, Romance, Comedy

Synopsis: Nam Ha-neul loses her job and is diagnosed with depression. Yeo jeong-woo loses everything in a surgery gone wrong and has to leave everything he knows behind. They both hit the worst slump of their lives. And that is when they meet again. Though they did know each other in school, they were fierce rivals and never got along. Now, they are the only ones who might truly understand what the other is going through.

Episode info: 16 episodes / Runtime around 6 minutes

Lead cast: Park Shin-hye (Nam Ha-neul), Park Hyung-sik (Yeo Jeong-woo), Gong Seong-ha (Lee Hong-ran), Yoon Park (Bin Dae-yeong)

Link to watch: You can watch on Netflix or Dramacool

Drama rec masterlist | Drama rant thread (beware of spoilers)

This drama was very comforting to watch. I was going through a pretty rough patch myself, and this drama had some moments that just really hit. Though you may not be as low as they are, I still think this hits several points that young adults go through as they grow up and realize being grown up is harder than you first think. Learning to seek the small moments of happiness all around us instead of letting yourselves get consumed by the hustle of trying to survive.

We have two people who have both hit the rock bottom of their lives, and no one in their lives truly understand just what they are actually going through. And though they are not feeling the same pain, they can both empathize with each other in a way their friends and family can't.

I really love how the drama never tries to compare their problems - they never make one out to be worse than the other. They both struggle and both need help, and so they help each other. It doesn't matter who's got it "worse", they support each other the best they can.

And I love love love how openly they communicate. Very rarely do they let misunderstandings cause trouble, and even if it does happen, they clear the air almost immediately. They do everything they can to support the other, but are not afraid to hold the other accountable if they cross a line.

Also the actors they picked are actually perfect, and their chemistry is off the charts. Even for the second couple, it is a perfect match. I loved them so much!!

It's somewhat like Fight For My Way, in a sense that they have to work to overcome their hardships and find new dreams to work towards. And I think you would like this one, if you've watched Hometown Cha Cha Cha and liked that. It gives me the same vibe.

There is one thing that bothers me a little bit though -it was actually a friend of mine who first pointed it out to me, and afterwards it became so obvious. Both of these main characters are shown to go to therapy and as a result both get some medication they need to take regularly for their mental health. Yet we see them drinking in almost every single episode - a lot of the times it's not just one drink either, they drink a lot. Considering both of them are supposed to be doctors, it just feels all kinds of weird tbh. And they never do address it properly, either.

That is also why the drama hit a little bit of a lull for me around the half-way point. They just seemed to forget for a couple of episodes what the drama was supposed to be about - but they do get back on track again. It felt a little superficial. And because it is a drama, all their troubles magically go away in the end, but I guess I can't complain too much because people want their perfectly happy endings.

All in all, I really did love this drama. It came at a time when I needed it, and it gave me some comfort. It's definitely one I'll watch again someday.

#doctor slump #kdrama review #kdrama rec #kdrama

10 notes · View notes

collabwithmyself · 11 months

Text

Things I know about Jackie

Was raised by a somewhat overprotective father, Cortland McIntosh, after her mother died in childbirth

Born and raised in Concert, a farming community about an hour's drive from Threshold populated mostly by bellementa

Grew up knowing she was part bellementum, learning about what it meant to her community, and how to handle her powers

Wanted to move to the city for a new kind of excitement when she grew up, Cortland wanted her to stay so she'd be safe, they had a blowout and she took off

She has not once spoken to Cortland since.

Made friends at the first job she held down for more than a few months, but said friends had an unhealthy lifestyle

Got her addicted to cigarettes, enabled one another's vices while putting one another down, she stayed friends with them several years even after changing jobs

Finally broke things off with the lot of them after being pressured so much to hang with them that she lost a job, had a physical fight with one

Was a loner for a while before gradually befriending a local queer group at one of the bars she frequented

Felt somewhat more accepted but still looked down upon for not being quite "right" (aromantic, fat, visibly unhealthy from smoking), broke things off after being pushed about her dating life one too many times

Has lost several jobs due to behavioral issues like getting short with unpleasant customers and starting arguments with coworkers

Has yet to find a bellementum that understands what they are and is willing to connect with her

Has developed trust issues and tends to shut people out if they start learning "too much" about her

Has an extremely "do it yourself" philosophy and tends to handmake solutions instead of asking people for help

Fan of Greek mythology, and her cobbled together car is named Theseus

Loves apples, but can't eat them raw anymore after losing a tooth to one thanks to her smoking

Has been trying to quit smoking on and off for years but can't make it stick

Tried to raise a chicken from an egg several times instead of just purchasing one due to stubbornness, took many years before she finally hatched Holstein and kept her alive past a few days

Tends to collect all sorts of odds and ends, has a hoarding problem and her house is extremely cluttered

Has thrombocytopenia, keeps several first aid kits stashed around the house and takes birth control to help regulate her period in particular

Tends to use malapropisms without noticing and gets bitter if she's corrected about them

Has always wanted kids but never found the right environment to raise one and is afraid she'd fuck them up and become overprotective like her own dad

Holds grudges FOREVER and hates admitting she was wrong about something

Has tried therapy several times for her anger issues and loneliness and is acutely aware of her problems and emotions, but doesn't know where to begin properly addressing them and always quits therapy when just talk doesn't help

A hobbyist and self-proclaimed jack of all trades that knows a little bit about several subjects - art, car maintenance, sewing, cooking, drink mixing, plumbing, playing piano, gardening, boxing, raising animals and children - not enough to be an expert on any subject, but more than the average person

#collab rambles #collab ocs #jackie #gutg #bellementa #cortland #cindy

35 notes · View notes

louff4tw · 1 year

Note

"I bet it’s been a long time since someone genuinely told Bruce they loved him. That’s so sad"

WHY DO YOU RIP OUT MY HEART AND STOMP ON IT LIKE THIS???

#I swear the only one that loved Bruce was Tim

Can you expand on this, if you don't mind?? I love Bruce and Tim stuff, but there's almost nothing in the fandom unfortunately.

I rip others hearts out cause it ripped mine out!

When I first realized this it broke me. Bruce never got the help or comfort he needed growing up after his parents died. Alfred like I said in the original didn’t feel it was his place. And Bruce most likely spent a LOT of time alone. Stewing in his emotions. Never letting himself move forward from their death cause it was so traumatizing. And he’s a genius. He has great memory. He can’t even forget.

What he needed was for Alfred to hug him. Tell him he loved him. And that everything was gonna be okay along with therapy. But he didn’t. Alfred kept his distance. He was there but not really THERE if that makes sense. I can picture Bruce self destructing heavily during his teen years and when he originally runs away to train I bet part of him didn’t even want to go back to that big cold house.

Bruce doesn’t blame Alfred for this but I know it’s a regret of Alfred’s. It’s in a comic somewhere where it’s showing him catching young Bruce/Dick crying and in the Bruce side he’s left along. And with Dick he goes and comforts him and in his thoughts says he won’t make the same mistake twice.

Bruce and Alfred will make sure Dick doesn’t turn out like Bruce. Broken.

And I don’t doubt Dick loved Bruce but he carrys a lot of guilt with that cause he feels like he’s replacing his dad. It’s probably part of the reason he left. Bruce tried to get Dick to stop being Robin cause he was shot. So he left and became Nightwing. And for the longest time refused to even see why Bruce did that. Or even talk to him

Jason tho is completely different. He didn’t have much to begin with. He literally lived a fairy tale rescue of being Robin. He’s probably one of the ones that loved Bruce the most and thought Robin was magic, but when he died everything change. He suffered a severe trauma himself and became angry (people say he was the angry Robin but that was actually Dick) like Dick he refused to see why Bruce didn’t kill the Joker (tho I don’t think anyone told him Bruce tried) that if Bruce kills the joker he knows it won’t end with the Joker. Bruce is mentally unstable and Bruce knows that. And even in the iterations where he somewhat comes back. He’s still off with Bruce. While treating Alfred like he’s the only good thing there and why he comes back,

Damian I can understand why he never said it. It’s probably never been said to him. Same with Jason in a way. But much worse also. He was trained not to feel and it’s because of Dick (cause Batman was missing) that he is as open as he is. Cause Dick wanted to be more emotionally available then Bruce. So he sorta teaches that to Damian. And I’m happy about that cause it needed to happen. Damian tho will always prefer Dick to Bruce for that same reason. Cause Bruce has trouble expressing it due to his upbringing and Dick technically had the best childhood till he was 8 so more stable then the rest. Damian after Bruce returned once said he wished Bruce was still Dead. Cause Dick went back to Bludhaven and he had trouble communicating with Bruce.

Tim is different then the rest. They all were taken in and became Robin. I’m not gonna say he let them cause we all know Bruce actually had no say in that. Tim didn’t even initially want to approach Bruce. He came to Dick and tried to say Bruce was self destructing and Dick who was also grieving denied helping in that matter. So Tim took things into his own hands. He wanted to help Bruce and Save him from himself before he became someone he was not. A villain. Cause he was heading that way.

He basically kicked the front door in and was like “bitch it’s a intervention” and he sorta forced his way in and helped Bruce. He saved him and made him want to live again.

A lot of people say Tim got the worst version of Bruce. How Bruce never cared about Tim. How Bruce was way to hard on Tim. And they need to Remember. Tim came to Bruce. Bruce literally didn’t want him around at first cause he was grieving. That Bruce only pushed Tim away at first cause he was terrified. Tim didn’t want to be adopted so he even made up a fake uncle and hired a actor. Despite the fact Tim actually did want to be taken in. He was just scared. And Bruce was hard on him cause he literally watched one of his kids died. So he wanted to make sure Tim was prepared. I don’t believe Tim would have said he loved him out loud. But. I do believe he is the one that loves Bruce the most (platonically I should clarify for the weirdos out there) and Bruce loves him to. He saved Bruce. TWICE! Once from himself and once from Time.

I accidentally clicked the font thing on mobile oops.

And Bruce won’t pick favourites and he’s happy to have them all in his Life (but there will always be a special bond between him and Bruce) especially cause they are so alike in intelligence

But it sucks that no one (not count the ladies he’s been with ) has told him they loved him in any complicity even tho they do but will show it to Alfred. Who is the reason Bruce is so damaged. And don’t get me wrong I love Alfred but Damn. I can picture the first time Alfred says it to Bruce. He’s badly hurt. They aren’t sure he’s gonna make it and he whispers it to Bruce.

I do know one person who will be the one to say it and mean it. Superman. He has canonically said it to Bruce in the comics! More then Bruce’s own family

And I’m gonna leave you off on some pet peeves of mine in the fandom

When people say Bruce made child soldiers even tho he literally has tried to stop each and every one of them. He wasn’t even the one who made Damian Robin.

When Dick was like “you made me Robin and I hate you for it” and then goes “you tried to stop me from being Robin and I hate you for it” LIKE MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

The “everyone shits on Bruce train” like. That’s not funny. It’s shitty af and people who find it funny have daddy issues

The “I wonder who Batman wants to take over for him when he retires” no one. When he told Diana that he took Dick in so he wouldn’t be like him. He meant it. Batman is a symbol that somethings wrong and broken. He knows his kids are better then him in many ways

People who act like Duke isn’t just as unhinged

That Bruce picks a favourite. He really doesn’t he loves them all equally. And people who act like Cass is the only one he cares about

Bruce/Barbara shippers and Batfam shippers

Those are some of my personal pet peeves

#batman #batfam #robin #bruce wayne #damian wayne #tim drake #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #cassandra wayne #Cain #black bat #duke thomas #the signal

76 notes · View notes

oliveheart-worldbuilding · 1 year

Text

RANK: KEEPER. (LIFE OF A KEEPER)

Image description:

Cuckooleaf and Poppytongue, Keepers of Seaclan, help Graystream, Elder of Seaclan, with his rehabilitation. Cuckooleaf is wearing a pleita backpack in which he carries fennel and horsetail meant to aid in Graystream's leg pains. Poppytongue is depicted helping Graystream stretch his hurt leg.

Privetcloud and Cranepaw, Keeper and Keeper apprentice of Seaclan. Privetcloud is teaching Cranepaw where to find and how to use poppy to cure several ailments. Both cats are wearing pleita backpacks and carry diggers with them.

Owlfur and Martenstorm, Keepers of Mountainclan, are spending some time together. Owlfur is trying her best at weaving pleita (she's failing miserably), Martenstorm seems somewhat amused at her tries. Martenstorm is also keeping Owlfur's kits, Nightjar, Deer and Maple, busy.

Apprenticeship

Kits can become Keeper apprentices once they reach the age of 6 moons old. Kits usually speak to a Keeper and communicate wanting to join their rank, it is also quite common for Warrior apprentices to join later on their life. Every Keeper apprentice, once named, is assigned a Keeper mentor although their training is usually done communally by all clan Keepers. A Mentor’s role is to oversee, guide, teach and decide when the apprentice is ready to go through their assessments. All Keeper apprentices receive from their Mentor a newly made mask (named a shrike) when they are named.

Apprentices are taught the basis of all areas of study within the Keeper role:

-Blood archivist: apprentices must learn the basics of their clan’s genealogy, namely, they must recognize, learn, and memorize all their clanmates family ties to each other up to 3 generations. They are also taught about blasones*, what their shapes mean and how to recognize them in the Wall of Mallows.

-Herbologist: apprentices must learn the basis of herbal medicine, that is, the uses of the most common and important plants present in their territory, their associated risks, where to find them, etc. Similarly, all apprentices are taught how to read and contribute to the Wall of Mallows’ herbal information.

-Healer: apprentices are to learn how to provide rehabilitation and therapy for physical and mental ailments.

-Matron: apprentices are taught about child rearing and bearing and are expected to learn how to help and guide newly pregnant monarchs. These skills are usually learnt with age and experience although the clan always makes sure Keeper apprentices know how to aid during a delivery and how to interact with monarchs and kits alike.

-Builder: apprentices learn how to build and expand dens; how to clean and decorate their camp; how to weave, sculpt and create simple tools, devices, and utensils necessary for everyday clan life. Similarly, they are taught how to produce dyes and paints which will be used by everyone in their clan.

Finally, all Apprentices, Keepers or otherwise, must learn law, history, and mythology as well as how to hunt. Keeper apprentices aren’t taught how to fight since Keepers are banned by clan law from participating in battles. Brookclan is the only clan to bend this rule, due to their monster fishing traditions, all brookclanners are taught how to stand their ground.

Although training methodologies are similar within all clans, what is considered essential and therefore taught to apprentices varies greatly from clan to clan. For example, Brookclan prides itself on its ability to heal infection effectively while Mountainclan prides itself on its ability to heal physical trauma, thus Brookclan Keeper apprentices will learn more about the bactericide and fungicide qualities of various plants while mountainclanners will learn more about how to correctly set broken bones.

Keeper apprentices only visit the Wall of Mallows once they’ve been training for some time and are previously told the basis of how to understand the knowledge stored within them. Similarly, all Keeper apprentices, like every other Apprentice, are to visit the Cave of Fangs at least once in their apprenticeship where a formal ceremony is held by their clan’s Seers. During this time, Keeper apprentices will be blessed and allowed to receive an Advice*. Keepers and their Apprentices do not attend Gatherings but, rather, attend Colloquiums*. During these, Keeper apprentices are meant to interact only with other Apprentices and their mentor, they should only speak with other Keepers if they are invited into a conversation. Their role during these meeting is to learn, meet new Apprentices and not bother the adults.

Keeper apprentices usually finish their training by the time they are 18-24 moons old (1 cycle and 6 moons to 2 cycles) meaning their training is longer than those of Warrior apprentices but shorter than Seer apprentices.

*Blasones are, in a way, family coat of arms that allow clan cats to recognize their ancestry and better remember their history. They are painted and studied within the Wall of Mallows.

*An Advice is a dream sent from a minor deity that takes the form of a basic prophetic vision. It is received by Apprentices on their first visit to the Cave of Fangs. These dreams usually depict the Apprentices’ future biggest achievement. Although they are easily forgotten, they leave a sweet aftertaste that encourages Apprentices to try their best.

*Colloquiums are peaceful meetings between all the Iberian Clans Keepers and their Apprentices. They are celebrated every new moon. Further information can be found on the pinned post.

Keeperhood

Once Mentors consider their Apprentices ready to become full-fledged Keepers, the rest of the clan’s Keepers prepare assessments for them to go through. Assessments last for 4 or more days and have long periods of resting in between to ensure Apprentices can do their best.

-The first day consists of various question rounds on ‘general knowledge’: These all happen one after the other and are performed by the clan Leader or Deputy (questions about law), the clan Seers (questions about mythology) and the clan Elders and Senior Warriors (questions about history). To continue their assessments, Keepers apprentices must always pass at least two of the proposed tests with history being a mandatory pass.

-The second day, usually referred as the “test of worth”, consists of two different tests. During these, the Apprentices will have to face their greatest challenge, that is, they will have to stand their ground doing whatever it is they proved worst at during their apprenticeship. Since Apprentices are not expected to know everything perfectly, they simply must know the basics, the Keepers assigned to oversee these tests are usually not experts in these matters either. This is done to ensure that examiners are not too harsh on the apprentices they are overseeing.

-During their third day Apprentices are meant to perform normally, as if they were named Keepers. Apprentices will be approached by different clanmates and will have to help them as if they were Keepers, that is, without receiving any help or guidance. This test will be overseen by all the clan Keepers and is usually considered to be the easiest of all tests. The objective of this day is to ensure that the Apprentices know how to deal with their clanmates and can perform their duties as adults.

-During the fourth and possibly last day, Apprentices are to show their prowess. Apprentices are meant to select what topic they would like to have their test be about, once chosen, the clan’s All-parents prepare an according test and choose an ‘specialist’ in the chosen topic that will oversee it. The objective of this day is for the Apprentice to show their peers what their strength is but, also, to gain their clanmates respect and attention. This test usually foretells what role the Apprentice will specialize in once they become a Keeper and allow the cat in question to gain the attention of a possible second mentor.

-Sometimes, when the Apprentice fails one of their tests, a fifth day is needed. During this day, the cat in question will be offered the possibility of redemption by repeating the test they failed at. If they do not succeed, they will have to continue being an Apprentice.

Some of the tests that can be performed during these days are: finding and reading information on the Wall of Mallows; drawing and writing on cork pieces; listing different plants uses and their location; helping one of their clanmates with their physical rehabilitation; spending time tending to their clan’s monarchs and kits; answering questions on the genealogy of their clanmates; spending a day fixing dens, cleaning their camp or weaving various tools; etc. Apprentices are supervised the entire time by various cats chosen by the clan’s All-parents. While Apprentices are allowed to help each other at times, they are discouraged from seeking adult help. Once the assessments are over, the All-parents of the clan reunite and decide who is ready to graduate. Graduation and Naming Ceremonies are upheld every new moon, during Colloquiums.

All newly named Keepers are to choose an area of study to further their knowledge on, thus entering a role. In order to do this, Keepers search for “second mentors” that is, Keepers considered experts in their field of study that can help expand their knowledge further. Usually, newly named Keepers are first taught by a clanmate. Once their clanmate considers that they can teach them no more, they recommend and introduce them to another expert in the topic from another clan. If the foreign Keeper accepts, the newly named Keeper will become their protegee and they will leave their clan to reside with them. During this time, protegee and second mentor will exchange knowledge furthering relationships between the clans and ensuring the preservation of information. Keepers may also choose to leave the clan’s territories altogether, travelling with the Storytellers, visiting the Deep worshippers, etc. to learn from them too. This process can last a lifetime so, in a way, a Keeper never quite finishes their apprenticeship.

At this point, Keepers will also stop wearing their first mask (shrike) and create their own, this time giving it a scavenger bird shape of their choosing. Changing areas of study throughout a Keepers’ life is common and accepted, they can also choose multiple, but most cats usually stick to one their entire life. Once a Keeper chooses a role, they inform their clan’s chosen Seer who conducts a special private ceremony. During this ceremony, the Seer will paint the Keeper’s chosen role symbol on their newly made mask grating them a blessing.

During Colloquiums, newly named Keepers can freely start conversations and debates with their peers, although they are mostly expected to remain silent, listen and learn. Experienced individuals within their role wear leaf scarves which tell every cat that their opinion is worthy of being heard. Scarfed individuals usually give speeches or partake in heated debates.

Fully named Keepers can become mentors when they have, at least, been a Keeper for a whole cycle. At times, special requirements may allow a cat to become a mentor earlier in life (for example, receiving the suffix -path) although these rarely occur. Mentors are selected specially so that they complement their Apprentice’s personality.

When a Keeper achieves certain seniority, they are allowed to join the All-parent role. There’s no specific point in which one goes on to be considered an All-parent, but rather it is a matter of being respected by their peers, maturity, and expertise in their role. Becoming an All-parent usually implies acquiring specific politic privileges as well as power over fellow Keepers. New All-parents are always chosen and invited into the role by their seniors. When a new cat joins this role, a small and private ceremony is held at camp and later celebrated by every Keeper during Colloquiums.

Retirement

Cats that are badly hurt or otherwise suffer from a debilitating or chronic illness do not usually retire. These cats are commonly accommodated according to their needs and their workload and role within the clan changes depending on how they feel most comfortable. Predominantly, only the elderly retires and join the Elder rank.

There’s no specific point in which a Keeper becomes an Elder. Those that do stop studying and are no longer expected to act their rank. However, most still help and teach the younger generation. Most of these Elders will continue to attend Colloquiums until they no longer can.

#warrior cats #warrior cats oc #warriors #worldbuilding #the iberian clans #my art

49 notes · View notes

galaxysharks · 8 months

Note

ashlyn: [is watching a video explaining why ABA therapy is bad and stuff, it shows a bit of footage]

maddox, pointing at the footage: oh, my parents signed me up for that!

ashlyn:

It's after school one day, and the wildcats are in the bomb shelter, waiting for the siblings to be done with their session with the school counselor.

While they're away, they watch a video about harmful 'therapies' utilized with the spectrum, that eventually lead to legal action, as a way to help prevent themselves from accidentally doing any of them without realizing.

The video is titled "ABA: Revolutionized Therapy" and they've just been suitably horrified for the last twenty minutes.

They are all so absorbed, they don't fully realize that Maddox has walked in and started watching from the door.

"Hey gang!" Maddox's greeting inspires a somewhat undignified yelp from Mr Mazzara as Seb pauses the video in a panic and they all turn to see her.

"Maddox! You're done with your session early!" Carlos shouts as he tries to subtly grab Seb's phone so he can change the video.

"yeah, Jet needed a moment without big sister hovering. Did you know I'm in that video you're watching?"

"WHAT" The collective was impressively in sync given how much chorus practice they usually need for their productions.

"Yeah here, can I see?" Seb absently hands her his phone. Maddie scrolls through the scenes, before moving to about seven minutes after where they had stopped it.

On screen, a short time lapse of a tiny tiny girl being pinned by older kids while a pair of adults nearby casually hugged. The girl was sobbing and flailing, at one point trying to bite the older kid. The video continues, with the struggles becoming more tired, eventually stopping, before suddenly increasing again as the timer and the corner updates to a new day.

This time, when the struggle begins, the little girl's jaw is pried open and some medicine of sorts is poured in. This time the thrashing ends very quickly, as the child's movements become weak.

This cycle repeats several more times, until it reveals the final 'success' as little Maddox with a disturbingly familiar blank expression enters the room and automatically curls into the arms of the therapist, allowing him to pick up and carry her. He puts her down and his assistant picks her up also receiving no protest. This continues for another half a dozen people before she is put down next to a somehow tinier Jet, who seems concerned and confused when she pulls him into her lap and holds him.

The Wildcats are silent as they watch, not even reacting to the sound of Mazzara breaking his pen. Maddox for her part just hands back the phone and goes to start setting up the stage for practice.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts maddox #high school musical the musical the series #hsm the series #hsmtmts season 4 #hsmtmts jet #i have hurt these children

17 notes · View notes

chained-to-the-mirror · 11 months

Text

I looked through my notes and apparently last time I sat down to write my thoughts was in February. I had been struggling with my body image and had a nasty nightmare. I’ve not had very nasty nightmares now, but the body image thing is ever present.

I recently bought swimwear for the first time since my early teens. (Let it be noted that I’ll be 43 in a month.) It was inspired by a friend who is coming to visit and wants to go swimming. I was so nervous to even try on a swimsuit… but I did it. I now have two swimsuits/swimwear. I wonder how it will be to actually go out in public wearing them - not easy, probably, but hopefully it will be at least somewhat enjoyable in the end.

Also a new thing is that I’ve been wearing shorts now. It’s almost 30 degrees here and suddenly I’ve noticed I don’t care what others think. I even wore an almost sleeveless top! Who am I?! I think this is due to age, and running out of fucks to give. I mean, does anyone really care what I’m wearing? I don’t think so. I just want to be as comfortable as possible.

I’m putting my outfit from yesterday here - I would never have been able to wear this a year ago, no matter how hot it got. I’m surprised at myself. Also shocked at how comfortable I was eventually! There was no panicking, no distress. I see all the flaws, but it just matters less and less. I undoubtedly sound like a broken record, but I’m just so surprised.

I don’t think I would be at this point without my dear friends. They keep me sane, truly - and they never seem to get tired of shooting down my negative self talk, which matters more than anyone would guess. I love them all very much.

Another thing that’s helping is plants. I’ve become a full time plant parent, and it feels good to see things growing under my care. I’ve never been able to really do this successfully until now. I’m currently sitting on my balcony, surrounded by my green babies, and I feel calm. It’s no small thing, to feel calm! The plants also help me practice being patient. My huge tomato is testing me - there are so many flowers, but no fruit. Not even beginnings, apart from one that’s smaller than the tip of my pinky. I’m told it takes time, but I just worry. I am doing my best though, and that will have to be enough.

I don’t know where I’m going with all this, except nowhere. I suppose this is my blog, and I can go nowhere as much as I wish. I was going to write something the other day, but when the time came, I found I had no words anymore. Much like now! But I was thinking a lot about my active ED years for some reason. I used to be one of the moderators on a pro ana forum - one of the nice ones, one that helped me keep myself together for a long time. I was close to several people on there - I wonder where they are now? I kept in touch with a couple even after I was discharged from my first hospital stay, but these days I have lost contact with them. I hope they have found their own ways out. We were all sick, and brought together by being alone in our respective sicknesses.

I kept a journal on the forum - it was full of misery and wallowing, so I’m sort of glad I have no access to it anymore. In fact, I don’t even know what became of the forum after I left. I’ve tried to find it again, but nothing comes up on google at least. It was always a very private, invitation only forum. Everyone supported everyone, in both sickness and recovery (whichever way any of us went at the time). I think I’m - ironically - alive because of those girls. (I say girls, because it was all girls. I think there may have been one boy at one point, but he was not very active.)

It’s such a weird experience, and I can’t really explain it to anyone who hasn’t been a part of a place like that. I tried to explain it to the nurses and the doctors at the hospital, but I don’t think they got it. They saw it as harmful, and probably fairly. In fact, the whole thing made me realize how futile group therapy would be for eating disorders. It can go wrong in so many ways! I’ve only had personal therapy so I can’t be sure of course, but it just feels suspicious. At least for me. I think that you have to be mostly in recovery to really be able to get any help from a group. I think that I might be able to, now - now that I’m mostly recovered. But of course it’s not something that’s available for me anymore. The EDs are not even in my diagnoses - not the main ones anyway. You’d have to dig pretty deep.

I guess this is what I wanted to get out. I’m not proud of my involvement in a thing like the pro ana movement, but I can’t fully bring myself to be sorry either. These things happen for a reason, and the reason was to keep me alive. I’m grateful for that.

It’s time to stop writing. My plants around me are telling me to wrap up the day, and they are right. I only need a shower and then I can fully relax. Thank you to anyone who read this, it’s a mess!

#personal #ok to reblog though #tw eating disorders #tw weight #tw body image #let me know if I should tag something else and I will

31 notes · View notes

existentialbogwitch · 2 months

Text

I just want to make something very clear: I would stay in school forever and get never ending degrees if they would let me.

I love learning. I love analyzing. I love theorizing with people. I miss having opportunities to do that with adults because I work with children.

I think it is absolutely cruel that education is essentially something that is gatekept by those who can afford it.

Yes, I am trying to put my rage at being poor aside to focus on living my life and making the best of things, but it is so difficult.

We live in a society that projects the constant ideal that you are somehow worthless if you don’t have money.

Literally worthless as a human being.

There are people bombing innocent humans because they believe they have rights others don’t?

What?

I’m having an existential crisis every day and reading books to try to understand the nature of god because I cannot comprehend why the war has been allowed to go on for as long as it has.

And if I were to talk about this openly with people I would be silenced because no one wants to talk about it.

Again, I’m a very isolated person and I work with children and have a very conservative family. The people in my circle are not talking about it. I could bring it up with them but it likely wouldn’t be a conversation that would go well.

This isn’t an easy subject for anyone to talk about.

I guess all I’m saying is, if you’re a sensitive person and you’ve been hurting a lot more than usual lately, I see you and I feel you and I’m right there with you.

(This is a pep talk for me and you).

I’m watching Star Trek discovery and realizing how important Tilly is as a character and human being.

I have never seen myself SO MUCH in a character on screen.

I love her a lot and I think if I ever met that actress irl I would immediately cry and hug them.

I want to try to go to a Star Trek con so bad but I have severe anxiety and it will be a few more years before I’m able to handle something like that without assistance. It would be far too overwhelming and overstimulating.

But it’s nice to know that maybe one day I could go to something like that if I wanted to. I’m glad things like megacon etc exist, even if they aren’t environments I would feel very comfortable in necessarily. Not right now anyway.

This post has gotten away from me but my heart wants me to scream it into the void tonight ♥️

Oh! I have something maybe actually helpful to share!! !! !!

(Insert Terry Pratchett quote about the implications of someone’s sanity based upon their overuse of exclamation points.)

!!!!!!!!

(love you though Terry)

I found some journaling prompts about coping with existential depression and it has been somewhat useful!

It is still something I will continue to discuss at length with my therapist but it gives me things to ponder in the meantime.

I have been dealing with existential depression on and off since I was a teenager and I almost went to seminary with an absolute certain idea that I was doing the right thing. I started writing my application letters for why I wanted to apply and (very, very long story short) I ended up realizing that everything I thought I knew about god and the universe was wrong and I needed to think about it a lot more.

And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I suppress it a lot and pretend I’m not thinking about it all the time, but I am.

It’s a struggle because I don’t know many people in reality who want to talk about that kind of thing.

Metaphors and stories tend to make these topics more palatable, so I’ve tried to find different stories that ask the same questions I’ve been asking myself for years and I’m hoping that this will help me find my own answers.

Star Trek in particular offers a ton of great fodder for these types of discussions and I wish more people would be open to the idea of watching an episode of Star Trek and talking about the ethical and moral issues the characters faced and how they dealt with their challenges and how that applies in our lives in things like relationships and therapy.

My brain knows I don’t have to do anything tomorrow and it’s screaming “FREEEEDOM BITCHES!!!!” At me every time I try to tell myself to stop writing this post and go to bed.

Just, if you were wondering.

(You can have an unhinged rant as a treat)

#might delete later #rant #late night thoughts #personal #star trek #mental illness #existential depression

4 notes · View notes

the-consortium · 7 months

Note

Greeting Fabius Bussy,

I wonder how your genetic experiments are going? Have you managed to find a clone body who's hairline doesn't receed yet? If I were you, I would just go bald at this point. And how's the motley crew?

I wonder how the basic bald headed preacher's boy with daddy issues so bad that he used the body guard that is actively fighting brain cancer as a therapy dog.

Fabius pushes the microscopic binocular goggles onto his forehead, raises a brow questioningly and tries to persuade Saqqara to leave just by actively doing nothing.

As always, it doesn't work and so he finally takes the datapad from the Word Bearer's hand with a curt gesture after he has retrieved the slide from under the microscopic cogitor-apparatus and pushed it back into the security field.

He stalls for time by reading the lines several times, but his diabolist still makes no move to leave.

Finally, he lowers the datapad and states in a matter-of-fact tone: "I'm no psychologist, but I've read enough of the classics in this field to at least be able to say that whoever the author is, he probably has a problem with his hair. He can't help but use hairstyles for characterisation and mention it constantly. With the somewhat bumpy diversions via hair as a symbol of virility, he seems to be reacting aggressively to masculinity. Is that supposed to tell us something? Probably not."

Saqqara tilts his head. "You're not upset?"

A shrug of the shoulders, in which there is a lot of tiredness and a little contempt. "Why should I allow an anonymous letter to annoy me? I only give that much power to things and people that mean something to me."

A few seconds of silence, then a grin grows wide on Saqqara's face. "By implication, that means you care about everyone here on Urum, as well as your brothers and Lord Fulgrim, since you're upset about all of it!" - "Why don't you go to your bald therapy dog and bugger him instead of keeping me from work, damn it!"

Saqqara bows exaggeratedly and with a grand gesture, but then moves away very quickly before the Chief Apothecary can load the pain serum into one of the chirurgeon's injectors.

#warhammer #fabius bile #the consortium #ask post

8 notes · View notes

keelywolfe · 11 months

Text

FIC: With Interest 1/1 (baon)

Summary: Why is it when Edge is doing his brother a favor, somehow he still ends up in Red's debt?

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Mentions of Genocide Route, Making Out, Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

On most days the fitness rooms in the basement of the Embassy were crowded after the workday and even during it. Monsters were encouraged to attend the available yoga classes, meditation hours, cardio jazz. Even Undyne’s infrequent krav maga classes were highly sought after, although in that case after the first class, one of the medical staff was always in precautionary attendance.

Wednesdays were an exception, the single day that was never on the public schedule. It was set aside specifically for the Security team and while anyone could make use of the training rooms throughout the rest of the week, on Wednesdays the classes were ones that would never be offered to the Monster populace at large.

On this particular Wednesday, the entire floor was empty as Edge walked through it. He was already in his workout clothes, his suit carefully hung in his office upstairs, and his gym bag only held clothes for him to wear home. He’d been making use of the training rooms frequently as of late, originally following his physical therapy instructions for his leg and after the kidnapping incident, as a way to exhaust the LV that occasionally flared up in his soul.

Not that he’d needed it very much. Despite the severity of that situation, his LV wasn’t troubling him as badly as it had in the past. Something to be grateful for and he was cautiously hopeful that this would be a trend going forward, that years without accumulating fresh LV was settling what he did have. He would never be able to shed it entirely but if it could be less troublesome, he would be grateful.

It was also possible his weekly visits to speak with his therapist were helping, loathe as he was to admit it. After pressuring Stretch to work with Dr Lee in the past, he was learning for himself that it was somewhat cleansing to talk to someone who only listened without judgement, someone whose opinion of him mattered very little. He was of two minds whether or not to bring that theory up to Stretch, much as he deserved his husband’s smugness…no. That was unfair, his own embarrassment casting Stretch in the wrong light, he knew better. As much as Stretch tried his best to talk to Edge about his own health issues, it was his responsibility to attempt the same. Stretch would only be relieved for him, he was sure. He was.

But that could wait for another time. Today he was testing a new design built for assisting in training the upcoming security recruits, with an emphasis on not only learning attacks but also how to finely control them. Any form of damage to a Human was highly discouraged and lethal attacks were always meant as an absolutely last resort. Before any recruit was allowed on even a trivial duty roster such as a crossing guard, they had to prove their skills at confinement rather than injury.

Edge was skilled in both, having trained since he was a child but in recent times, he could practically feel his skills atrophy the longer he sat at his desk. There wasn’t time to keep his reflexes as razor sharp as they’d been in Underfell and truth be told, it wasn’t necessary. Despite everything, this world was a much safer place to be. Logically, he knew that.

Illogically, his soul demanded he needed to be in top form to protect those he cared about. Not only Stretch, but both their brothers, Sans and Papyrus, Jeff and Antwan, all the children in New Home, and so many others. A part of him would always be the captain of the guard and the need to protect his people was deeply ingrained in his soul.

(And he couldn’t, couldn’t have protected all those in Underfell, an impossible task he’d nonetheless undertaken but he would not fail here, he couldn’t—)

This new setup was designed by a fresh-faced young inventor barely out of internship who’d somehow managed to get themselves assigned to Red’s team. Thus far, Edge had resisted the morbid urge to go through their files to see what atrocities lay in their past to make that a fitting post.

They’d come to Edge’s office in a lab coat still creased from the packaging, their lizard-like tongue flicking eagerly as they told him it was at Red’s suggestion Edge test it before they subjected the new recruits to the program.

Not that Edge couldn’t easily see through the paper-thin veneer of Red’s machinations. Whether this was a test of his physical ability after his injury, a trial to see if he was keeping up on his training, a way to help exhaust his occasionally troublesome LV, or perhaps all three, whatever Red’s intentions, it didn’t matter. His brother would keep his secrets and handle things his own way and the best Edge could do was keep up.

He did not allow this young, eager scientist whose name badge read only ‘D’ to see his sourness. They looked nothing like Stretch, but Edge was still reminded of him, a little. He didn’t know the details of why Stretch hated working within a proper lab, why he verged on panic even visiting one, preferring his own setup at their home. Perhaps someday Stretch would tell him, but Edge never wished to ruin that enthusiasm for anyone else, not if he could help it.

More surprising, and relieving, was that they did not ask to watch him test their design. Perhaps that was more of Red’s influence, knowing he was more likely to agree if he weren’t being gawked at. Recordings were to be expected but he had no interest in being a spectacle to a group of interns scribbling notes behind him.

Whatever the reason, Red’s newest disciple showed no sign of disappointment that they would have to get their results from the security footage. They only thanked him cheerily and told him he could try it out at the end of the day and that was exactly what he was doing.

At the very last room, he entered his passcode at the door and as he stepped inside the training room, it came to mechanical life around him.

It was a clever design, Edge would admit. The training dummies were on tracks that allowed them to move in startling ways and instead of bare padding, they were dressed as a Human might be. Well. They were dressed as a Human might be if they only purchased their clothes from the local thrift store by way of a head injury and Edge made a mental note to have them review Human fashion before releasing this as a general training tool. As important as it would be to be able to defend against a Human whose outfit consisted of sneakers and frilly lingerie, it was hardly a likely scenario.

Going through training exercises wasn’t precisely relaxing, but in a strange way it did soothe, scratching a kind of undefinable, nebulous itch. After so many years of training, dodging attacks and forming his own came down to pure reflex. There was very little real thought to it, he simply knew, and for this straightforward exercise, he could allow his body control as he moved automatically in something like a dance between each wave. There was a rhythmic back and forth between him and the training dummies, and there was an issue to report right there, a real attack should be more random, he should be less able to anticipate the moves of his opponent.

It would still be an effective training device for novices, but they would have to work much harder for it to be a genuine sparring tool for him. Not that anything could be more confounding than his own brother; even if they could somehow clone Red’s personality into their program, it was not a route Edge would recommend. Just thinking of an artificial intelligence based off Red gave Edge the urge to start hoarding supplies for the inevitable apocalypse.

Still, as a workout, it was more than effective. By the time the program ended, he was breathing hard, sweat stinging in his eye sockets and his t-shirt clinging to his ribcage. He raised one hand and the program immediately ended, the dummies moving back into their starting position.

As he walked to the bench by the door, he made a mental note to ask about what other safeguards they’d implemented. Not that he didn’t trust their design, but he knew a little about how scientists and engineers could get caught up, laser-focused on the outcome. Better to confirm than for anyone to end up injured, or worse.

Edge grabbed a towel from the bench and wiped sweat from his face as he mentally went through the design and the report he intended to write about it. He was intending to shower before heading home, absently looking up…and froze at what he saw through the breakproof glass.

Stretch was standing right outside the window, watching him. His sockets were huge, filled to the brim with the pale white of his eye lights.

He didn’t like violence, Edge knew that, knew about Stretch’s past, about what he’d been forced to do. These days Stretch didn’t even care for action movies and obviously he was appalled, horrified to see what damage Edge was capable of wreaking and perhaps he was imagining those attacks against frailer Human and Monster forms rather than training dummies. Wondering at what became of those from whom Edge acquired his LV; EXP hunters, all of them, but he’d never had a chance to tell Stretch that, never wanted to discuss it at all. Somehow, he’d always hoped he wouldn’t have to, that Stretch already knew. A Judge should know, shouldn’t he, he’d admitted to seeing Edge’s soul and while the idea still unnerved him, at least something useful could have come of it.

There was no way to guess exactly what Stretch knew and only one way to learn. Edge tossed the damp towel aside carelessly and hastily made for the door. Stretch turned to him as he came out, hands hanging empty and loose at his sides as he stood, making no move to reach for him as they so often did.

“Love?” Edge said, hating the slight tremor in his voice, “What are you doing here?”

“red told me i should come down,” Stretch whispered blankly, still staring at him with those wide, wide sockets. “oh, my god.”

Temper flared at his brother’s meddling, viciously tamped down because the expression on Stretch's face demanded his full attention. How much had he seen, what brutality did he now know Edge was capable of? Stretch knew he had LV, of course he did, had since the moment they’d met but the difference between knowing and seeing was astronomical, the distance between planets, galaxies.

Even when he’d used his attacks before, as recently as the incident with Jeff at the Golden Moon, Stretch had been distracted, not standing and watching at a ringside seat, staring, appalled perhaps even afraid and--

Edge swallowed hard, forcing calm as he asked, softer, “Rus?”

Stretch only repeated, squeaky and weak, “oh my god.”

“I understand what you saw was very violent but—“ it was necessary, he couldn’t say, the words choked off. An unfortunate necessity, this world was still a dangerous place for monsters, for Stretch, his skills needed to be sharp, surely Stretch could understand that, surely he could accept this side of him. He would never reje…he wouldn’t…he…

Edge grunted in surprise at the sudden weight in his arms as Stretch flung himself into them, his mouth hot and eager against his own. He couldn’t help a sound of his own, guttural and shocked between them before Stretch broke the kiss and instead dropped his chin to lick at Edge’s cervical vertebrae, tongue curling around the intricate bones, uncaring that Edge was filthy with sweat before he drew back, the diffused glow of his eyelights tinting to orange.

“oh my god,” Stretch practically moaned, “take me home right now and fuck my brains out.”

Edge could only blink at him, dazed and still holding him, hands braced under his femurs as he held all Stretch’s light weight against him. “What?”

“that was the hottest fucking thing i have ever seen,” Stretch breathed, the bright orange of his tongue running tantalizingly over his even teeth. “fuck me, the way you moved. You were just—” he gestured wildly, a ridiculous pantomime of a proper battle form, so enthusiastically Edge was forced to tighten his grip to keep from dropping him. “i need us to be naked together like, as soon as physically possible. now. immediately. yesterday.”

The heat of that visible desire finally broke through Edge’s shock and engulfed him, visceral and exhilarating in a way that no amount of exercise could hope to mimic.

There was a brief moment of honest temptation to simply take Stretch upstairs to his office. The only thing stopping him was the knowledge that the cleaning crew would know exactly why he was dragging his husband through the empty darkened hallways and even so, it took a reluctant mental debate to decide that tomorrow’s regret would outweigh tonight’s pleasure.

As it was, it was difficult to set Stretch on his feet though Edge kept hold of his hand, unable to keep from touching him in some fashion.

“Come on,” Edge said brusquely, only taking the time to grab his gym bag before leading the way to the elevator.

It seemed to take forever for the doors to close behind them, difficult to resist pulling Stretch back into his arms, but there were few places in the Embassy with any privacy and the elevators were not one of them.

It did not help that he could hear Stretch breathing raggedly, feel him bouncing restlessly on his toes, his grip tight on Edge’s hand. The knowledge that he’d watched what Edge was capable of and wasn’t disgusted, was instead enraptured was so very unexpected and the purity of his lust was nearly a physical force, battering at the iron gates of Edge’s control.

The sudden chime of his cell phone startled him, barely loosening the hold of growing desire. Edge fumbled his phone from his pocket with his free hand, unlocking it to read the new text.

cameras are off in there, boss, in case you wanted to know. might accidentally get stuck between floors if you ain’t careful

Edge closed his sockets, counting to three, then texted back. Do it.

They both jolted as the elevator came to a sudden halt, the lights dimming to the emergency overheads.

“what—” Stretch began, confused, only to yelp in surprise as he was suddenly scooped up and pressed against the wall, Edge crowding against him as he took his mouth fiercely. There was no hesitancy in the kiss, only eagerness, and a distant corner of his mind was grudgingly sending gratitude to his brother. Their unspoken ledger was definitely in Red’s favor.

Edge shifted to yank down the neck of Stretch’s sweatshirt. He pressed the sharp line of his teeth to the smooth, wide bone of Stretch’s sternum, barely on the side of too hard and felt him jerk, his hands scrabbling to pull Edge even closer.

His wordless groan for more, a conglomerate of consonants that made an approximation of “nggg!” was a delight, Stretch’s smoke-raspy voice was ever an enticement, growing louder as Edge slipped a gloved hand into his pants, watching his love’s expression tense, his sockets closing tightly. Beautiful, so beautiful always, even in the dim glow of the emergency lights. This would be only for him, Edge could wait for the privacy of their own bedroom, wanting his love bare and begging; there was time yet to allow that flame to burn ever hotter. More than anything in this brief moment, he wanted to watch Stretch’s face as he found his pleasure.

Edge would always have LV, but he could certainly appreciate a technique for soothing it that ended in his husband’s arms.

fin

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underfell papyrus #underswap papyrus #by any other name

14 notes · View notes