#to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore

[samwisefamgee]

The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)

#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom #but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits #with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :) #because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol #either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it #fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left #in relative peace #I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY #all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect #years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck #and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche #I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind #i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who. #was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return #cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet #and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like #im fucked once again gang #to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore #if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes #straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam #not anymore at least #keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right #only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I #gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street #would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement. #this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you #does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it #or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes. #is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it #does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point

[kenny-the-ken]

Omg imagine a kenny or kyle fic of a pregnancy scare like theyve been together for ages and they both just got into university and they’re like shit oh fuck what are we gonna do

I have a toddler so this one hits close to home considering I ended up pregnant at 18, and at the beginning of the pandemic 🫢 ALL AGED UP CHARACTERS!!

Positive or Negative?

You were due your dreaded monthly a week ago, and the longer you'd been waiting for it to come, the more and more worried you became. You hadn't told Kenny, even though you both shared an apartment together, you were too scared to tell him, how would he react if he thought you were pregnant?! Would he stay with you or run for the hills? Not to mention, did YOU even want to be pregnant?! You just wanted this nightmare to end! But would it end how you wanted it to?

You couldn't believe you were saying this, but you were praying for your period to come, and Kenny had picked up on your strange mood and behaviour the past few days, and he thought it was something that he had done, and as he rose from your shared bed, the smell of pancakes wafting through your apartment, and the sound of the radio radiating from the kitchen. He decided that you had seemed off for long enough, and he needed to know why, and was he to blame.

"Hey baby." Kenny's voice was groggy, his arms wrapping themselves around your waist, his head resting on your shoulder as you stood over the cooker, flipping the four pancakes in the frying pan, a smile on your face, melting against his touch.

"Morning, babe, sleep well?" You asked, as Kenny pressed a gentle kiss on your cheek. And Kenny nodded, watching carefully what you were doing.

"Yeah I did, babe. Can I ask though... have I done anything to piss you off or... has something happened you haven't told me about, cause you've seemed off the past few days." Kenny asked, as you turned to look at him, shaking your head no.

"No no, Ken, it's nothing like that it's just... it's silly really, it doesn't matter." You spoke, shaking your head no as you turned back to serve the pancakes, placing two each on the plates sitting on the worktop, you had already sat out a collection of different toppings, and you hoped that Kenny would let the issue go, you really didn't want to talk about this right now.

It was early and both of you had class in a few hours, the first semester of university had only just started, Kenny was studying Physics with an interest in Quantum Physics and mechanics and you were studying Criminal Law with Forensic science. Both of you wanted to get ahead in life, give your children in the future what you both never had. You had both worked your asses off to get a scholarship, and you both got accepted at South Park University, on top of that, working all hours for minimum wage so you could both leave your shitty living conditions and finally have a good life, but if you were pregnant, then what?! You knew Kenny would be worried sick, he'd probably go back to drug dealing to keep you both ticking over and able to afford the rent, since you'd end up out of work for a while, and what about your degrees?!

"Babe, please. Talk to me! We promised no secrets, whatever it is we can get through this together, just please don't shut me out." Kenny pleaded, his eyes soft, almost teary looking, and you couldn't keep it in any longer. A long sign escapes you as you sat opposite him at the kitchen table, your head landing in your hands before rising to look at your boyfriend.

"I'm freaking out because I was supposed to have my period a week ago, and it still isn't here! I think I might be pregnant, Kenny." You spoke, voice quiet, tears in your eyes as you looked up at him, his mouth agape and eyes wide.

"Holy shit! Um... okay. Have you taken a pregnancy test?" Kenny asked, trying to approach the situation calmly.

"No, I'm too scared to!! I just... promise you won't leave me?" You spoke, head back in your hands, wiping the tears that fell from your eyes, and you felt a warm embrace, Kenny held you close, peppering kisses along your face, shushing you before he spoke, his tone soft.

"Babe, we'll get a test, if it's negative, then we're okay, and if it's positive then we'll discuss it further, but I swear to you, baby or no baby, I will always be with you, no matter what, okay?" He reassured you, gently moving a strand of your long h/c hair from your face, smiling at you, and you smiled back, wiping your eyes with the backs of your hands.

"Okay, Kenny. Thank you." You said, returning his hug and taking a deep breath of his scent, he smelt like aftershave, your perfume and weed, and you suddenly felt safe, your mind slightly more at ease.

"I bought a test the other day, I've just been too scared to take it." You spoke, and Kenny took your hand, making you stand from your chair, completely forgetting both of your breakfasts, as he led you to the bathroom.

"I'll come in with you, I'll be there every step of the way baby, okay?" Kenny was taking this far better than you expected him to, and you nodded, taking it from the pharmacy bag you had dumped there the other day, and staring blankly at the box, before opening it, taking the test from its plastic packaging and reading the instructions.

You sat, hovered above your hand that was underneath you, holding the test, as you sat on the toilet, and once you'd peed on the stick you put its cap back on and sat it on the sink, cleaning yourself up and then washing your hands.

"How long till we know?" Kenny questioned, looking more nervous than he was before, a small bead of sweat visible on his forehead.

"Three minutes." You replied, coming to hug your partner, needing some serious moral support in this moment.

Those three minutes felt like the longest three minutes of your life, and you swore time had came to a standstill. You lifted the test when your timer went off on your phone, your eyes closed, before cracking one open slightly to see the words Not Pregnant written on it, and you felt a huge wave of relief crash over you, as you handed it to Kenny, and both of you smiled at each other, Kenny also sighing, wiping his forehead.

"This calls for celebration sex!" Kenny exclaimed, picking you up bridal style as you laughed the whole way to the bedroom, both of your minds now at ease. Sure, you both loved each other, and you both wanted to have a family, but you wanted financial stability first, and to live your lives child free, at least for a few more years till your degrees were finished.

"Yeah, well pull out this time, before we end up in this mess again with a different outcome!" You replied, both of you laughing as Kenny plopped you on the bed, before landing beside you, pulling you down with him.

While happy that you weren't pregnant, you couldn't wait for when you would be, just knowing you both would create the most beautiful little baby ever, but that was for the future, right now in this moment, you were both happy just you two together.

#kenny mccormick #kenny south park #eric cartman #kenny mccormick smut #kenny mccormick x reader #kyle south park #stan marsh #stan south park #kyle brovlofski #south park #kenny sp #sp kenny #kenny x reader

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP,

I really enjoy your blog and your level-headedness when it comes to everything surrounding BTS and Jikook. You often post really good takes and answer asks quite comprehensively.

Which is why I'm sending my ask to you regarding that short clip of Jikook at the airport during the baghug.

First off: Jimin seemed to really need that hug, it seems, because he (a) seemed a bit subdued during the walking-in part and (b) ge literally barrelled into Jungkook. There was impact made even tho JK was barely bothered. Maybe that interpretation of desperation instead of affection is what makes me a bit sad about my observation.

That JK did indeed remove Jimin. It's not like similar situations when JK was still a teen - it was rather gentle. From another angle, it looked like Jikook both moved at the same time after that talk with their bodyguard. A simple "okay, now it's time for travel business" motion.

I don't even know why this makes me think so much? Why I circle back to the fact that it wasn't entirely wanted which is apso not true, since JK was going along for the majority of the clip. Even swaying. Especially when we know Jikook are just as close as they've always been. I don't think the physical separation during their individual album releases hurt them, they're too good of friends for that. There are bonds in your life, nothing but an actual intense disagreement can ruin. And didn't we still get Kookie flirting with Jimin, and Jimin joining his golden concert?

I think, whatever they're up to in Tokyo, it will give them a lot of time to spend together. Off-line. Recuperating.

----

I read somewhere that In The Soop was kind of conceptualised to counteract a drifting apart of the members during the pandemic. Maybe Jikook and Hybe came to the conclusion, that with their schedules being what they are, producing a show would be the perfect cover-up for spending time together with the added benefit of having enlistment content. If that's the case, it makes it doubly...interesting let's say, that it's not all four or just the Maknaes or any other combination going places. That no other member has been mentioned in connection to this.

*

Ask 2:

Idk if this will make sense, I'm the somewhat insecure ask from a few hours ago. Panicking about that dumb airport clip.

Well. I'm not anymore.

Because Jikook are allegedly headed to Sapporo (spelling might be wrong, sorry). The more we learn - even in snippets - about this trip, the more fuzzy my heart feels. Happy, even.

They went to Tokyo as close as they could probably manage to their last trip there, aka the GCF Tokyo anniversary. That last time was a "REAL LOVE" declaration during a time neither were in a really good place. Tokyo was an escape removed from the worries of their life and fame. A snow globe of happiness, you can shake every time your demons get to you. A gift from one person seeing the one always taking care of them falling apart, and deciding to take the weight of their shoulders. It's so fucking beautiful.

And now, after a year of emotional turmoil with their hyungs enlisting, of the physical separation that releasing two incredibly important albums brings, of duties and barely any breaks. Now they go back to Tokyo and Japan just before they have to enlist.

None of this is a coincidence.

To add to that Sapporo. Where it's snowing now. The implications for Jikook are big. We know Jimin loves snow, that JK knows that as much as we do, that watching the first snow together is a superstition for Korean couples. And now Jikook are there, in the first major Japanese city legalising same sex marriage - the city of love. While JK wore a rLOVElution hoodie, a line being dedicated to lgbtqia+ acceptance, just like during his NY outing with Jimin.

I could criticise everyone villifying their bond here, but now I don't want to anymore. Just look at what Jimin and Jungkook get to experience, even if only for a little time, and tell me that it's not the most beautiful thing.

The person having "please love me" tattooed on his body and the person singing "just let me love you". Serendipity and Euphoria. Black and White. Sun and Moon. Poets would weep cause they couldn't write a love this beautiful.

***

Anon,

After you sent in the first ask I started drafting my reply to you (pasted below the asterisk) but left the draft unfinished because I had life to attend to. Then you sent in the second ask, and what you've said in this second ask is so beautiful, I don't want to ruin it with my pontificating. So I'll leave my draft unfinished (I think you eventually answer in the 2nd ask what you're asking in the 1st).

Regardless of anything, jikook have a real connection, a real relationship, and a real history. What exactly that looks like I don't know, but I do know whatever it is, it's real.

*

Draft:

“I read somewhere that In The Soop was kind of conceptualised to counteract a drifting apart of the members during the pandemic. Maybe Jikook and Hybe came to the conclusion, that with their schedules being what they are, producing a show would be the perfect cover-up for spending time together with the added benefit of having enlistment content.”

Let's not dismiss this right away, because there’s a possibility you're right and this could be true. But I don't see any of this, in my opinion. I don't think this Japan trip is arranged by the company because they're drifting apart, though I agree it's being made for content to keep parts of the fandom engaged. My counterpoint to that though is that if BigHit really was making this just for greenbacks, it would've made more sense for this to be a taekook trip and not jikook - given taekookers are the largest and oldest shippers in the fandom, and this would've been an easy way for BigHit to capitalize on the recent bromance we've seen from them in chapter 2. But it's jikook, and there could be many reasons for why, maybe sometime down the road Tae joins them or we get a similar show with him, but right now, with everything that's led up to now, the easiest explanation for why jikook are going on this trip is because they want to.

And that's good enough for me.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’ve just listened to The Bugle 4211, from November 2021, the first (and so far, only) episode to feature Stewart Lee. He was on there alongside Felicity Ward, with host Andy Zaltzman, and it was really good. I don’t know how they got Stewart Lee to do it; he explained at the beginning that he used to not understand the point of podcasts, but then did a few during the pandemic, and now he sort of gets it, it’s just talking to people. Which is sort of an explanation, I guess.

Lee/Zaltzman is a relatively rare but interesting combination. They’re weirdly similar in a few ways, wildly different in others, they fit together quite well in a few ways, and not at all in others. When they talk to each other, there’s a strong sense that they quite like each other, but are also both very uncomfortable. In a Taskmaster podcast episode that was discussing season 5, Ed Gamble once pointed out that it’s weird to know Mark Watson and Alex Horne have been friends for years, because every time they interact on screen, it seems like they’re meeting for the first time. Nish Kumar replied: “No, it’s like they’re meeting for the second time, and something really bad happened the first time.” That’s the best description I’ve heard that captures how fucking awkward it feels to hear Andy Zaltzman and Stewart Lee try to interact with each other. It’s not a perfect comparison because they’re not Alex Horne/Mark Watson level of close friends, but they clearly like each other, and this somehow does not translate to any ability to have a natural-sounding conversation in a professional setting. It’s fucking great and I could listen to it all day.

I based this on the three times I’ve heard them interact, separated by approximately ten-year intervals. One is when Andy Zaltzman came on Stewart Lee’s radio show in July 2003, which I think is the earliest recording I’ve ever heard of Andy Zaltzman. Then you have Andy Zaltzman’s bits on Stewart Lee’s Alternative Comedy Experience, from 2013, in which Andy did some stand-up bits and some interviews with Stewart. Then there’s this Bugle episode from 2021. So it’s not quite perfectly spaced out, but it looks like approximately every ten years, Andy Zaltzman and Stewart Lee sit down in a room somewhere, have a really awkward conversation, and record and publish it.

From those previous interactions, I learned that Andy Zaltzman opened for Stewart Lee in Andy’s very early days, and that they lived together during the Edinburgh Festival in 2005, during which Stewart Lee was amazed by Andy Zaltzman’s ability to spent absolutely all of his time watching sports. This was discussed during Andy Zaltzman’s phase of finding every joke he possibly could that compared sports to religion (I have a recording on my phone of Andy Zaltzman saying “May the sport have mercy on your soul” during a Bugle episode from the 2012 Olympics, and a couple of months ago I played it before watching final matches at the national championships, which I thought was a hilarious thing to do), and he expressed sympathy that “You don’t have sport in your heart, Stewart”, and therefore Stewart Lee has to just walk around experiencing the real world instead of escaping into this fake one. I have never heard anyone who understands the purpose of sports (or, possibly, religion) as well as Andy Zaltzman.

In this Bugle episode, they talked a bit more about early times Andy Zaltzman and Stewart Lee worked together, when they went on tour together in 2000. Stewart Lee got in a dig at Avalon (which he did not mention by name, but did tell Andy it was “the management company you’re still with”, with an amazing amount of disdain in his voice), saying they’d failed to properly organize that tour, by, among other things, not telling the venues that Stewart Lee had a support act. So they’d get places and no one would know Andy was supposed to perform, and often this meant he didn’t perform, so Andy Zaltzman didn’t so much open for Stewart Lee in 2000, as just follow him around the country for a few weeks.

I find that interesting, as it’s a very early version of Andy Zaltzman, pre-Zaltzman and Oliver, even. Andy Zaltzman did his first solo Edinburgh show in 2001 (which got nominated for Best Newcomer, so it can’t have been bad, but from the way he’s described that show since, it was definitely before he’d figured out what he wanted to do with his comedy), and the first time he performed at that festival at all was in 1999, when he was a finalist in the So You Think You’re Funny thing with Josie Long, Russell Howard, David O’Doherty, and Jimmy Carr. Which David O’Doherty won. This is veering off topic, I just think it’s an interesting bit of history. John Oliver did his first solo Edinburgh show in 2002, where he and Andy appeared in each other’s shows doing little bits, and just after that they started hosting Political Animal together and after that they did joint shows. So that puts it in context a bit. 2000 was before Zaltzman and Oliver, before Andy Zaltzman had figured out where his comedy was going, he followed Stewart Lee around the country in a wildly disorganized tour.

I sort of knew most of that already, and I also knew that Stewart Lee quit stand-up for a few years, in between his “double act with Richard Herring” era, and his “King of alternative comedy” era. The new thing I learned from this Bugle episode was that it was during that mess of a tour with Andy that Stewart Lee decided to quit comedy. He told that story on The Bugle, to which Andy replied, “I have that effect on people.” Which I enjoyed hearing, because I made that exact joke in a post I made last week, about how it’s a good thing Andy Zaltzman learned that he has pitch-perfect chemistry with John Oliver and got himself into that double act and then held onto it for as many years as he possibly could even when one person moved across an ocean, because Andy Zaltzman is so fucking awkward that this wouldn’t work with anyone else. Case in point, Daniel Kitson’s story about how he once chopped the head off a pig just because that seemed less uncomfortable than just hanging out with Andy Zaltzman for an evening, and sure Kitson said that incident occurred because of other stuff, but I’m pretty sure Andy Zaltzman just has that effect on people, making things so awkward that they have to chop up farm animals or quit comedy.

I often don’t quite know what to make of Stewart Lee, I think I’ve only recently started to figure it out a bit. I only watched him for the first time about a year ago, saw his Comedy Vehicle thing and all his DVDs/specials. It’s very funny, it’s definitely very funny. But I couldn’t tell how much of it he meant. At first I thought he really was that abrasive, and then I worked out that it’s clearly completely a character, he never means anything he says. I then slowly saw and heard enough other things by him to come back around to seeing that at least some of it does come from reality, but an exaggerated version of it.

He did an excellent two-hour interview on the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, which cleared up a lot of my questions about how real the character is. I also heard him on the WTF podcast, which tells you just how interested I was in hearing Stewart Lee talk while not “in character” on stage, because I cannot stand Mark Maron. But it was a really interesting hour of hearing Stewart Lee talk about his history and intentions and where he’s coming from, so it was worth listening to Maron for a bit. In the last few months I’ve also heard some other performances by Stewart Lee, when he was just on stage and not being filmed for TV or anything, they were quite different and it sort of bridges the gap between the guy on the DVDs and a vaguely real person. I think I can sort of put all that together to have some idea of where Stewart Lee is coming from.

Anyway, I say all that because it made me find this episode of The Bugle extra interesting, that it’s another side of Stewart Lee, one I haven’t heard very much before. Stewart Lee not “in character” on stage, also not doing his own thing or talking about himself, but trying to fit into someone else’s format. It was quite awkward, and very entertaining.

A big part of Stewart Lee’s persona is it’s really hard to tell when he’s being sincere, so this episode was interesting for the amount of sincerity it featured. Like this exchange, in which every word from Stewart Lee sounded disarmingly sincere, Andy Zaltzman sounded caught off guard by his serious response to a joke, and there was a forced change in the tone of the discussion because Stewart Lee was genuinely upset:

Andy Zaltzman: So for 1.1 billion dollars, you could either save the Congo Basin Rainforest, or you could get the broadcast rights for three months of Premier League football. So, I mean it shows how seriously we’re taking this shit now.

Stewart Lee: Is that true?

Andy Zaltzman [laughing]: Yeah.

Stewart Lee [not laughing at all]: That is the most depressing thing, I… I… God. I… that’s not, that’s just…

Andy Zaltzman: I know you’re a sport skeptic, of course, Stewart…

Stewart Lee: No, but… just the thought that… if you stopped three months football, you could save an entire rainforest…

I cannot emphasize enough how much Stewart Lee was not kidding here, they had to awkwardly change the topic. Felicity Ward jumped in to say it doesn’t work that way, because the pandemic stopped football for three months and the rainforest didn’t get saved, and it sounded like she was saying it just to calm Stewart Lee down a bit because this fact had upset him so much (she was right, obviously money spent on football doesn’t just get sent straight to the rainforest when games are canceled so this wouldn’t happen on a practical level, but still, it could theoretically happen).

Throughout the episode Lee didn’t seem quite able to match the tone that everyone else was taking, and Andy Zaltzman isn’t great at modulating his tone to match a guest’s at the best of times, so the whole thing was a delightfully mismatched mess. He kept cutting through Andy’s irony, which is weird, because irony is normally Stewart Lee’s whole thing, shouting at audiences but not really meaning it and things like that. But in this podcast episode, it’s like he was told this is a real-life conversation, and he was determined to make it that way, pointing out the reality behind jokes that rather rely on not having their reality pointed out. At one point, Stewart Lee responded to one of Andy Zaltzman’s jokes with the words “I know you’re making a satirical point, but…”, and just those words made me laugh out loud because they perfectly encapsulated the conversation, as he went off on another explanation about how actually though, this is the way things should be, like for real.

I’ve said before that I really enjoy the running joke about Andy Zaltzman’s lack of knowledge of pop culture, celebrity culture, or other bullshit things that surround anything like that. This comes up a lot when they get younger Bugle co-hosts on, and they enjoy talking about Lil’ Nas X or whatever and seeing Andy genuinely confused. One time Andy made a Black Eyed Peas reference in an episode with Nish Kumar on it, and Nish immediately demanded “How do you know about the Black Eyed Peas?”, sounded genuinely indignant, like that reference was a betrayal of who he knew Andy Zaltzman to be. Like Andy Zaltzman is meant to be the oasis of not following any of that kind of bullshit, and if he starts knowing about Black Eyed Peas, then nowhere is safe. Andy explained that he didn’t know who they were and had just looked stuff up for that joke and one of their songs came up, and I shared the relief in Nish’s voice when he said “Oh, good.”

Given that, I find it hilarious that in this case, Stewart Lee managed to out-“clueless about pointless bullshit” Andy Zaltzman, by saying to Andy late in the episode: “Can I just say that you asked us to look at the following headline: ‘Squid Game Crypto-Currency Scammers Vanish with 3.3 Million’, and then the sub-heading for it was: ‘Crypto Coin-Riding Squid Game High Craters After Dizzying Rally.’ I don’t know what any of that is about. I don’t know what any of it means. I don’t know what crypto-currency is. I don’t really know what Squid Game is, I suspected it was some game that Boris Johnson used to play at Eton. But I don’t really know what that is, and I didn’t really think there was time for me to understand it, and then have a funny opinion about it.”

At the end, Felicity Ward plugged the stuff she was working on, which she explained was a trilogy: one show about pregnancy, one about childbirth, and one about new parenthood. “Wow. That is an extremely ambitious and worthwhile thing to do. I mean, it’s really great. And it flies in the face of contemporary trends, of reducing all comedy content to a shareable seven-second clip. To come out of the gate of this with a Dune-style trilogy, it’s really impressive. Congratulations.”

That’s something that the character of Stewart Lee would get very upset about, shouting at the audience about reductive contemporary comedy trends, and last year, I’d have seen him do that and said “Okay, that’s a character he’s playing.” But this was said with 100% sincerity, and everything else aside, I have so much respect for that opinion. I’ve worked out that some of the underlying bits of the Stewart Lee character are real, like the respect for the history that created today’s comedy landscape and anger about people’s ignorance of it, and the disrespect for short shareable clip-able bullshit. Both opinions that I happen to strongly share and enjoy hearing him express, especially when he’s out of character and clearly means it. I mean, I’m not particularly interested in a comedy trilogy about pregnancy and childbirth and parenthood, because it’s not my favourite topic. But if Felicity Ward ever comes out with a trilogy on just about any other subject, I’ll check it out. (And to go off topic again, if anyone is for some reason interested in other trilogies by comedians who appear on the Bugle, Alice Fraser has an absolutely excellent one available to download for free.)

Stewart Lee also made a bunch of News Quiz references throughout the episode; a show that had been hosted by Andy Zaltzman for a year or so by then. Meaning I’ve heard about a year’s worth of Bugle episodes from after Andy started hosting the News Quiz, and Bugle guests reference Andy’s News Quiz hosting very occasionally, but not often. Stewart Lee referenced it a bunch of times in one episode, comparing Andy on The Bugle to Andy on the News Quiz, even though I’m fairly sure Stewart Lee has not appeared on the News Quiz since Andy started hosting it (he’s been on it a bit in the past, but not recently, I don’t think), so this wasn’t a job or anything, he clearly just actually listens to the News Quiz and that’s what he thinks about when he sees Andy Zaltzman. Which is pretty cool.

I think when I started this post I meant for it to build toward some sort of point, but I now can’t remember what that point was. The point is that I enjoyed Stewart Lee’s appearance on The Bugle. And I’m sorry that people keep spending money on soccer instead of rainforests.

[thenatvral]

FTR: For those who don’t know, who are The Natvral?

Kip: Oh, that’s me— Kip. I usually just write songs and play ‘em with my electric guitar. As my surname is Berman I didn’t want to be confused with the legendary David Berman of Silver Jews, and I didn’t think I’d be confused with Robert Redford playing a past-prime erstwhile baseball phenom with one last shot at redemption— but… maybe.

FTR: You’ve just released your second album, Summer of No Light, what can you tell me about recording the record?

Kip: We just went over to Andy Savours studio in Willesden (London) and banged out 9 songs, mostly live. I did blow out my voice at an ill-advised 90s hip hop night before we were going to do the vocals, so we were forced to use the scratch vocals (the ones you sing when you’re recording live so you don’t get lost), but it worked out alright.

Andy’s brilliant, and has been there with me at every step of this project (as well as 2 records with PAINS). I credit him with not letting us get up our own backsides. I think he does a lot of other groups that want to “use the studio as an instrument, man” – and “redefine what a G chord could sound like if played on Venus.” But I’m grateful he was pretty keen on us just using our instruments as an instrument and getting to the pub at a reasonable hour before making it home to do bedtime with his kid.

FTR: I was intrigued to read the album was inspired by the climate crisis of 1816, do you think there’s anything we can learn from that as we face our own crisis?

Kip: Hide? Get fucked up? Write Frankenstein to pass the time?

Nah, I’m not sure if it’s applicable. The one in 1816 wasn’t anyone’s fault – unless you blame the Volcano gods of the South Pacific. This one seems like everyone’s fault. Maybe there’s something to be said about harnessing crises for the sake of art – but I think most people would prefer to forego cataclysm where possible— or at least I would. Dying of plague while under siege during the Peloponnesian War wasn’t any more palatable cuz “Euripides was channeling this shit for the ages,” was it? That said, I suppose you gotta keep doing the non-essential things in life, because those are actually the essential things in life.

FTR: Much of the record was written at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Do you think the record would have turned out differently without it?

Kip: I am fully aware no one needs to hear another person’s account of “what it was like during lockdown” – as these experiences are sadly universal. Everyone dealt with the same shit. Some had it worse than others, and we can all laugh at the celebrities that sang “Imagine” by their swimming pools. But I don’t think it’s a huge departure to also mock “the guy who wrote an album in his basement” between bleaching milk cartons and reflecting upon a familiar world that vanished suddenly, exacerbating the isolation and alienation that was already rampant in modern life. Right?

That being said, it’s very easy to write songs that do not give a hoot about what anyone thinks when you are pretty sure there’s not going to be anyone to think anything of them. It’s freeing— that sense that, “well, this won’t matter to anyone but me.” I’ve never been able to fully escape vanity or a sense of expectation in my writing. I’m too petty or prickly to be that zen. But for a brief period in early 2020, I got about as close to writing without any corrupting consideration – and while the album doesn’t relate to what was happening in the world, its formation was born of that weird, dumb moment.

FTR: I was struck by the way the record feels at times very domesticated and others almost fantastical. Do you think there’s an element of escapism in the record? Was music an outlet when you were stuck at home?

Kip: Yes. But isn’t it just an outgrowth of a feeling one gets even without state mandated isolation? Like, Odysseus gets home – finally – and that homecoming was the thing that animated most of all his actions for a decade or so (except for chilling with that not-his-wife on that island for a long bit). And then almost as soon as he gets home, he’s all “gotta go.” I’m not quite that way, but there’s a continual desire to idealize domesticity when you’re away, and yearn for adventure when you’re home. I’m certain I’m not unique in that.

FTR: You’ve obviously been making music for quite some time now, how do you think the current climate for musicians compares to when you started making music?

Kip: To be fair, I think my old band could have only happened as it did in this strange in-between era when the old “major” system was crumbling and the internet briefly offered equal access to unsigned or indie artists to reach the same level of listeners that you would have once only seen by handing your demo tape to a smarmy A+R guy in LA with the hope that maybe you were deemed marketable. Sure, great indie bands existed in the 80s and 90s – but so many of them never got the chance to have the experiences we did, and for that I’m humbled and grateful. But Myspace and the mp3 blogosphere was essential in people discovering PAINS without having to “get signed.” We played to our 12 friends at Cakeshop – suddenly some guy in Sweden wanted us to play to his 12 friends, only he had more than 12 friends.

Now, it seems the mp3 blogs are gone – with For the Rabbits being a notable and wondrous exception. It’s harder to find ways to get your music out to people, whether it’s through recommendations at a local record store or people online saying what you’re up to is worthwhile. My record label Dirty Bingo is lovely and helpful, but it’s just a guy in London named Sasha who probably has some difficult conversations with his partner about why he’s doing what he’s doing and if he can “get those boxes out of the basement soon.” I am familiar. I think power has reformulated itself behind maybe 2 or 3 very for-profit oriented websites that prefer a celebrity gossip model (who someone is dating gets more clicks than what they’re making), and I’m pretty sure streaming services have monetized their “playlists and discovery” to cater to modern payola in a familiar pay-to-play model. Bandcamp is still relatively “noble” but an indie label told me that even their promotional/editorial consideration is weighted to their own manufacturing and distribution program.

But this system will be smashed too, someday. Even if I’m not a 17 year old kid, I know young people will consistently seek what is meaningful and real to them in ways that (briefly) escape the clutches of huge companies trying to exploit it. The exploitation will inevitably (or not?) follow, but for a few shining moments – that good stuff shines through. I think of Teenage Fanclub on SNL or Huggy Bear on The Word – and to paraphrase the latter, “this (will be) happening without your permission.”

FTR: If you were starting your career from scratch, do you think music would be a viable option as a career?

Kip: There’s a friend I have that runs a small label, and he only signs bands that are (usually) a certain age and able to tour constantly. Yes, he likes the music he puts out and much of it is good, but everything is through the lens of “is this a viable career.”

I have another friend who runs a label who just puts out music he likes. He’s constantly out of money, but seems not to mind. He works with all kinds of artists, and yes – some of them break through – but most of them are the kind of bands that play a DIY popfest here or there and exist far from the conversations about “relevant indie artists” that make year end lists.

I may be naive, but in my heart I know that the truest music often comes from less commercially viable people – people that don’t even care if their music is commercially viable – people who live on the margins, and may not be creating for the sake of money, but simply because they feel compelled in their heart to get something inside their bodies out there.

I know you can argue against this too, saying that creating without thought of anyone buying something is its own kind of privilege. But the tools to make music are so cheap now, you can make bedroom records that sound interesting and powerful. And if a music career is your goal, I think the surest way of not having a music career is to make the kind of music you think you “should” make, not the kind of music you want to make.

FTR: Are you going to be taking this record on the road? What can people expect from The Natvral live show?

Kip: I don’t know. I would like to. I’ve been playing mostly just on my own – which can seem like “less than ideal” – but for this music, it might actually be the ideal.

FTR: A lot of people will know you from The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart. How do you think your songwriting now compares to writing for the band? Are you conscious of trying to do something different to what came before?

Kip: I stand by what I did in PAINS. I don’t want to put that part of my life down, just because I’m focussed on different ideas and different ideals now. In a way, I think what animates me about music is the same – immediacy and getting out the feelings that can’t be said, so they have to be sung. Just about everything about my life and how I record – even my voice itself – is different now, but I think there’s more similarities to these projects than might seem superficially apparent.

I sometimes wish I was notable enough only so someone insightful would write critically about my music and life, cuz I can never tell if I’m lying to myself— if I’m full of bullshit or not. I’ve recently been listening to biographical music podcasts (The History of Rock’n’roll in 500 songs by Andrew Hickey) while driving and love reading biographies (or autobiographies) of artists i love (Please Kill Me, Our Band Could Be Your Life, Chronicles, Meet Me In the Bathroom, Waging Heavy Peace, Coal Black Mornings and its follow up). So much of what people think they’re doing is wrong – or at least, there’s things you can’t see in yourself, even if your work is inward looking. Actually, maybe I don’t want to know – maybe it would be crushing. Delusion is a thing you both need and need to avoid in able to be foolish enough to write a song.

FTR: What’s next for The Natvral?

Kip: I have a bunch of songs that I wrote before this album came out that seem to bookend this period of The Natvral, tentatively titled “Love in Idleness.” I hope to track ‘em like I did the last 2 records with Andy Savours, and, knock wood, that will stand up as a cohesive 3 album run. It doesn’t mean the end, it’s just that these songs are all built in a similar way – a bit rough and ready and all-of-a-kind.

#the natvral #dirty bingo records #kip berman #summer of no light #for the rabbits #interview #the pains of being pure at heart

[ponderthemoon]

11/10/2022

I turn 26 tomorrow and I’d rather avoid it all. I don’t feel any cheer this year, any joy or excitement or anticipation. I just feel dread. I feel dread about teaching, I feel dread about writing the dissertation, I feel dread about waking up to messages from people that I’m not convinced even like me or respect me at my core. I’m supposed to love my birthday, to love the gift of turning a year older, and I really would rather just rot in the ground. I feel so much shame about who I am as a person. My failures in life abound! My body continues to fail me at every turn and I didn’t do enough to resolve ailments or pursue treatments before aging out of my parents’ insurance plans. I’m not going to be able to afford treatments I need to get my GI tract sorted out, which of course all goes back to trauma. Everything is about trauma and stress and generational wounds with me, and of course my gut and bowels store them like no one’s business. I feel profoundly trapped in my odd little frame, and there’s nowhere for me to run to. I tried escaping to Europe to see family members, and felt suffocated there too. I thought that trip would help me but my agony multiplied. I can’t go to New York because my parents create pain so easily, because my brother is self-destructing and because my dog is so old looking it wrecks me. People pull at me, desperate for respite or advice or a place to broadcast their own wounds and I can’t do it anymore. The same people that ridicule me for my medical caution, for my pandemic concerns, for my political sway, for my thoughts, even though I don’t do the same to them. The same people that infantilize me every chance they get. Why do they get to take so much from me and I get nothing from them? Is this what agape is? Because I don’t want it. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t deserve it and I don’t embody it anyway. I lash out at anyone near me because I feel hated and unloved and worthless, not worth protecting or accommodating. I can’t handle all of the work I juggle in my several jobs just to stay afloat. I’ve tried so hard the past five years to pull myself together and choose joy over cynicism but I can’t fake it anymore. The fact of the matter is that my friends do the bare minimum for me, can’t be bothered to ask about my deep concerns, and find my interests laughable and not worthy of attention. I don’t feel taken seriously by past and present close friends, I don’t feel seen by anyone, and I’m tired of sending out postcards and holiday cards and getting none in return. I’m tired of putting in the fucking effort. I’m tired of being expected to congratulate grown men for doing the bare minimum. I’m tired of having to mend my family every time I go upstate, and I’m tired of having to keep it together when I just want to fall apart. I’m tired of this life I’ve made for myself. It’s garbage and I can’t even think about having to keep on living for the next how many years because it fills me with misery. My therapist and mom keep telling me about the light at the end of the tunnel but I’m not even sure I’m interested in the light anymore. Above all, I’m tired of being the glue, for friends, for family, in romance. I don’t want to be the glue. I want to be the fucking fire starter. I want to burn it down. I want to be forgotten.  I never deserved a happy ending anyway

#p

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (192): Fri 23rd Sep 2022

Fuck it, I'm going to try and watch a movie a day for a year, AGAIN! September 23rd 2015 is the first time I attempted and eventually completed this enjoyable, challenging and ultimately pointless endeavor and since then I've attempted it twice more unsuccessfully. This time however I won't feel compelled to write reviews of the movies I watch because I think the pressure of having to write the reviews is what has turned me off during the subsequent attempts. That's not to say if I watch an amazing movie I won't rave about why it's so good and it's certainly not to say that if I watch a shit movie I won't rant about how the people who made it deserved to be executed for wasting my time. I started off this year long pointless challenge by re-watching the amazing, original, Dawn of the Dead The thing I love about the "Dead" movies is that Romero does them not because he wants to tread water and make money for doing the same old shit all of the time but because he takes notice of how society evolves and when he has something to say about the world he shares his thoughts with us but cleverly disguises them in the form of zombie movies. I don't know if Romero would relish the idea of being refered to as a satirist but the best satire is typically a statement on one thing disguised as another such as Animal Farm where George Orwell's views on communism are formatted as a tiff between barnyard animals or how a lot of the 1960's Italian westerns were Marxist critiques of colonialism hidden in a story of a man shooting bandits and walking off into the sunset with the town damsel. At the time this movie was made shopping malls were becoming more widespread and consumerism was taking over with people becoming more and more obsessed with buying a better TV, coach, oven etc than the one they had before. With Dawn of the Dead the zombies are an obvious metaphor for us and how we can never be happy because we're constantly shopping around and trying to improve our lot. This is exemplified in the very last scene where Peter attempts to whack the zombie who stole Roger's gun early in the movie and rather than attempt to attack Peter, the trigger happy zombie notices that Peter's gun is nicer than his which allows Peter to escape. We get another slice of satire at the very beginning of the picture in the form of a fierce debate on TV between doctors about whether the dead are returning to life. The station controller screams at his employees and insists they stay on the air even if doing so would be a danger to their lives. Even in the face of the apocalypse this prick still only cares about ratings. The reality of this scene has only been more depressingly poignant in the years that have followed. During the initial stage of the COVID pandemic, Boris Johnson point blank refused to tell businesses to close or people to stay home because he was more worried about money than lives. Even as we speak the Chinese industrial sector is still turing a blind eye to all scientific data warning them of the dangers of global warming even though the money this makes them will mean jack shit if they can't breathe or end up dying from the heat. This brief commentary on the quest for money frequently gets overlooked due to the much more obvious commentary on consumerism in the movie but I think it's message is even more meaningful and should be looked at as a shocking eye opener to the fact that no matter how horrifying the situation we find ourselves in is there will always be people at the top who only care about money.

The action is a major step up from Night of the Living Dead. The first third of "Night" was about trying to avoid one or two zombies but within the first ten minutes of "Dawn", the amazing raid on the housing project is shows us dozens of zombies getting gunned down. I'm sure this was done in order to demonstrate to the audience just how widespread this outbreak had become. In NOTLD you were there for the start of the outbreak and got to see it slowly build. Here you're dropped right into the chaos when it's in full swing. This movie would still have been scary to people who saw Night of the Living Dead as they would be expecting another slow burner. Because ten whole years had passed in-between "Night" and "Dawn" there was a huge change in the amount of blood, violence and gore you could get away with showing in a movie and Romero takes full advantage of this. There's no way you would have been able to see a zombie getting the top of its head sawn off by helicopter blades of a still living biker having his guts torn out or Peter gunning down two zombified kids in "Night". The latter of the scenes I'm sure was written into the movie to show that Romero intends to pull no punches with regards to who or what can die in the film. One of the things I admire most about Romero is that he frequently defies convention and doesn't appear to care what tradition dictates "should" happen in a movie. This is perfectly demonstrated in the part where Roger constantly steps in and takes shots at zombies because Stephen either keeps missing or freezing up. In a big budget Hollywood movie I think the film-makers would feel obliged to have a payoff to this where Stephen steps in and saves Roger but such a payoff never happens in this movie (Well it sort of does in the boiler room scene where Stephen finally shoots and kills a zombie but it doesn't feel like as much of an obligation as it might in a bigger budget film). However that's not to say that Romero deliberately does the un-Hollywood thing just for the sake of it or to be anarchic. One of  the trademarks of a mainstream film is the happy ending and although Romero originally wanted this film to have a bleak, more realistic ending he instead changed it in favour of a, not exactly happy but definitely more optimistic ending. So while Romero is clearly not someone who likes to follow the rulebook of how to make a picture, he is someone who recognizes when the rulebook matches his own vision for a film. The cast and characters are a major step up from the previous installment too. One cool thing about the casting is that Romero could have cashed in on his increased reputation as a director to hire more experienced actors for this installment but he still decided to go with his old method of casting who he felt was right for the part regardless of their experience. David Emge and Scott Reiniger were apparently waiters and chefs at a restaurant Romero liked when they were invited to audition and Ken Foree was a friend of "Night" actor Duane Jones. It just goes to show that there are talented people out there who may have been overlooked just because they didn't go to the right acting school or don't have the right specific details on their resume. The characters in Night of the Living Dead were really good but let's be honest they were (perhaps purposefully) lacking in the personality department and all the way through the movie you're aware that they're all going to die and it's just a matter of when. However in "Dawn" all four of the main characters has a reason to be in the movie other than just to end up as zombie food and every one of them have their own distinct personalities, strengths and weaknesses. According to the documentary made about the movie, Gaylen Ross scream as she wanted her character to be seen as strong and this really paid off as Fran is one of the earliest examples of a strong heroine in a zombie movie who actually pulls her weight and doesn't just wait around and let the men do all of the killing. I also like that she's one of the only characters in the whole Dead" series who seems to view the zombies as victims rather than just monsters. There's a sweet moment where a zombified nun gets her gown stuck in a door and Fran quickly opens and closes it in order to free her because, according to Romero: "You can't shoot a nun" (although later in the film they say that they've cleared the entire mall of all the zombies so they must have shot her at some point). There's a similar instance where Fran is inside a store looking through the window as a zombie who's slumped on the floor (the one wearing a "Bach's Arco Pitcairn" shirt) and both of them give the other a look as if to say "What's it all about, eh?". The chemistry between the four lead characters is really strong especially with Roger and Peter. The film goes to great trouble to show just how dependent on one another Roger and Peter are so that when Roger dies we feel Peter's pain, stoic as he tries to remain. The incredible shot of Peter sitting and drinking while he's waiting for Roger to turn into a zombie is brilliantly tense and heartbreaking at the same time. "Dawn" in general is much lighter in tone than Night and the characters, although switched on and not blind to the direness of their situation are not above still being able to have a laugh. "Night" was done with complete seriousness for obvious reasons but in "Dawn" Romero gets to showcase his under-rated sense of humour. The scene where the gang force the door open and try to fight off the zombies is both tense and comical. I like the part where one of the other cops asks Peter is he has cigarettes to spare and he says no, then as soon as the helicopter takes off they all light up which is like something straight out of The A Team. I particularly love the montage of them enjoying the splendor of the mall, a scene which is both a treat for the senses and another instance of Romero hammering home that all of these commodities we crave are ultimately just distractions from the horrors of reality. And of course there's a pie fight between the bikers and the zombies because...well why the fuck not. Interestingly enough the movie Dr Strangelove was supposed to end with a giant pie fight so I'm wondering if that's where Romero got the idea for this climax from. The more hopeful attitude of the movie is perfectly exemplified in the iconic moment where Roger slides down the middle of the escalator. It seems like such a throwaway moment but I think it perfectly sums up how the vast majority of humans, no matter how hopeless their situation might be, believe that there still might be some sort of saving grace that they haven't anticipated (I especially love the fact that the sliding down the elevator scene is apparently the reason why there are bumpers at the bottom of a lot of escalators now to discourage people from copying it. Sadly though the original escalator isn't there anymore. Spoil-sports!). I also like that this is one of the first instances in a zombie movie where the zombies retain some level of their former selves which I would like to see more of in zombie fiction, it would be cool if a zombie who was once a soldier retained some of his combat knowledge, if an zombie who was a former athlete retained some of his or her athletic prowess, that would be an interesting spin on the genre. Although I think the Evil Dead movies do something similar to this, this movie represents the next logical step in the zombie genre which is for the zombies to become smarter over time. The best instance of this is at the end where zombie Stephen's instincts lead him back to the others and he breaks through the barrier that they put up. A couple of other cool things I noticed in the film is when the gang is checking out the gas station there’s a note on the notice board which reads "Barbara meet me in Pittsburgh - Mark". Is this an Easter egg? Both "Night" and "Dawn" are set in Pennsylvania after all so maybe Barbara from the original know someone in this movie who couldn't wait for her any longer. A fun bit of trivia is that this is the only movie in the entire series in which a character refers to the creatures as "zombies" when Peter states "with those doors open there's gonna be a thousand zombies in here". One thing they could have added to the "Dead" movies that I think would have been cool would be if in every movie there was a character in the background you hear say "you know what's going on out there? This is no Sunday school picnic." as an homage to Ben in the original. It would be a cool little thing to listen out for in every Romero film like a Hitchcock cameo or a "See You Next Wednesday" in a John Landis film. I also dig the cool montage of the gang grabbing their guns and soldiering up for battle which definitely inspired the getting ready scenes in Shaun of the Dead. The only things that I'm not too keen on in the movie are the soundtrack and the makeup. At times the soundtrack is good such as the spooky music in the background during the "When there's no more room in Hell" scene. The lighthearted music that accompanies the shots of the zombies walking around the mall and across the ice rink I get is included in order to match the more light hearted, "comic book" tone of the movie as Romero put it but I dunno I think you still could have made it more light hearted even if you used more of a gritty, rock style soundtrack. Some of the music in the movie sounds more like the kind of thing you'd expect to hear in a 70's platform game than in a horror flick (which, thinking about it might be what Romero was going for since a lot of the action in the film unfolds like a video game). With regards to the makeup, some of it is really good but I think the blue tint of the zombies is what stops me from thinking of them as fully menacing. The advantage to this film being shot when it was is that it was able to do original scares and sharp commentary but the downside was that the amazing zombie makeup work seen in things like The Walking Dead today was unavailable. If this film had access to the kind of prosthetic work we have now or even the stuff they had available only a few years later in works like "Zombi 2" and "Return of the Living Dead" then I think it would be considered even more of a masterpiece than it already is but as it is the almost comical look of the zombies is always a bit of a distraction for me. However the zombies not quite looking the part is more than made up for with the creative ways they get killed. The special effects are top quality, from the zombie getting it's head sliced off with helicopter blades which they did by caking the makeup on and slicing it off in sections with pieces of long thin wire and adding the blades in post production is really clever. As is the biker digging a machete into a zombies skull by cutting when the biker swings, then filming footage of the machete being taken out of the skull and playing it in reverse. Tom Savini really had his thinking cap on for this film when it came to inventing clever ways to portray the zombies being killed (although the scene where the clearly obvious dummy gets it's head blown off looks ridiculous but nobody's perfect). I'm also now a fan of the western bullet ricochet sounds as Stephen is trying to avoid the zombie in the boiler room but that's another nitpick.

This is a really clever movie, even today the format would be considered a genius idea and I suspect that people at the time would have been frothing at the mouth to discover if Romero could do as good if not better than his first movie and boy did he ever. It's scary, cool, well acted, amazingly written, expertly shot and still resolutely satirical. Night of the Living Dead may have created what was to become the initial blueprint of the zombie movie but "Dawn" was the film that encouraged a generation of film-makers to take the genre and try to put their own unique spin on it.

But of course that was not the end of Dawn of the Dead, as 26 years later Hollywood decided to revisit the subject and have another stab at it…… Favourite quotes: Doctor: Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them. It gets up and kills. The people it kills get up and kill! Roger: Why do these people keep them here? Peter: Because they still believe there's respect in dying. Preist: When the dead walk, señores, we must stop the killing... or lose the war Fran: What are they doing? Why do they come here? Stephen: Part of instinct, memory. What they used to do. This was an important place in their lives. Peter: When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth

[woolcityweavingco]

travel is one of the few things i look forward to anymore.

I love to travel. When I was a kid I always wanted to travel to new places. I remember being excited as a kid watching tv shows on the travel channel, telling my parents about different cities and being dismissed because travel was something only rich people did, too expensive for us. I get excited thinking about traveling to the south of France or Aotearoa or Iceland, someday but for now I'm traveling close to home.

Cost has always been something that's made travel feel out of reach, but I've felt like I've watched enough travel hacks that I can make it work.

i don't think only people with a lot of money should be the only ones to travel

I'd never been to the west coast but I had wanted to go Los Angeles pre-pandemic as a graduation gift for finishing my bootcamp. but then my mom ended up leaving the country, and I kept making excuses like not having a job after my boot camp until it was too late and the entire world was shut down.

After things started relaxing I was still scared to go

The first thing I remember thinking about LAX was geez it stinks.

I went to one of the gift shops because I didn't have change and bought a W Magazine with Dolly on the cover and then took a bus to the hostel.

I remember there was a couple on the bus who were speaking in a foreign language wondering if they were also going to the hostel. It was dark, and I knew things would look different in the daylight but I couldn't help craning my head around to see everything we passed by.

When we got to Santa Monica I noticed that all the trees were decorated with little ornaments even though it was October.

One of the nice things about hostels is that they're usually in really nice spots. The hostel I had stayed at in Chicago was literally right next to an L station. The hostel in Santa Monica was a short walk to the beach.

I had just seen the 4k restoration of Possession but that was on a big screen at the Ayrsley. In some ways I, like most millennial people who had been socialized as women, could relate to Isablle Adjani's character. I didn't really recognize anything in this character.

Should I be watching a movie I need a college degree to dissect? Maybe I've gotten too comfortable with my level of intellect and no longer feel any urgency to pretend like it's higher than it really is.

I will say it is a fucked up movie though, maybe I'll rewatch it for Halloween.

it's escapism, you're literally wanting to escape

the nice thing about travel is that you can imagine yourself in a brand new life.

have you ever wanted to just take off and leave and never come back?

I told my mom i was going to a work thing so she wouldn't worry. it was the first time i had left home since the pandemic started, so I'm sure she had reason to worry

Santa Monica beach is just a walk from the hostel. I woke up early before the sun rose and walked out to the beach

I loved visiting the musuems

I really loved the Little Tokyo Galleria.

I walked PCH all the way to El Matador Beach (shout out to Flashpacking America for the idea). I walk alot normally so this was pretty easy, I was just really scared because it was a highway.

One reality I was prepared for and was really excited about was how many Latino people there are in Los Angeles, especially how many Salvadorans there are.

Los Angeles has the most Salvadorans in one place anywhere outside El Salvador itself.

I had heard that there was a Salvadoran Corridor in LA near Koreatown.

Sometimes when I speak spanish I wonder how much my accent comes out. I wonder if other spanish speakers recognize me as Salvadoran. In my experience it's a very relaxed way of speaking, colorful and particular. it's kind of like hearing a southern accent when you're from the south it puts you at ease.

Walking around the market I felt at home. I called my mom to tell here what I was seeing, the fruits, the clothing. I sat down to eat some pupusas and a family sat down in the table next to mine. There were like six people and they all spoke spanish. I wonder what it would've been like to have moved to Los Angeles instead of Charlotte, I'm proud of being a Salvadoran but there isn't a really a strong Salvadoran community in Charlotte the way there is in a city like DC or LA or hell even Long Island had Central American festivals every year as long as we lived there.

I think if I did move to LA it'd be for a reason like that, to be closer to my culture without having to leave the US.

I left the market and bought a box for my mom, and some candied coconut candy for me.

I actually was so sad to come back home. It happens every time. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because

I’m not really good at anything no matter how hard I try to be but when I travel somewhere new none of that really seems to matter

i'm a nobody. i'm a loser but being on the beach it doesn't hurt so bad.

[buckyownsmylife]

You and I - Henry Cavill smut

The one where Henry comes over to fix your computer

Warnings: reader is a henry fan, pandemic theme, lockdown and quarentine-ing, little bit of second-hand embarrassment?, heatwave, henry is feeling deprived in this one, oral sex (f), masturbation (f), dirty talk, brief hairpulling, the name of God in vain, Henry’s monster dick,  laughing and teasing while fucking, hand over throat but no actual choking, orgasm control, p in v, unprotected sex

Word count: over 3k, ‘cause I got no chill

A/N: this was inspired by a tik tok someone requested me to write a fic about it. Obviously I took it in a different direction because can I ever follow guidelines? No. I do love this fic, though. Thank you to @lokiscollar​ for giving this a read for me!

Y/N’s P.O.V

Driving to a secluded location to spend lockdown in felt like a wonderful idea. There was a working wi-fi connection, so I could work remotely from the seashore cabin without any problem whatsoever, and the view was obviously to die for.

I did not expect someone else to have the same idea as me. The cabin next door had been occupied on the same day that I arrived, and much to my surprise, I recognized my new neighbor as someone I never expected I’d come to meet in my entire life: an actor. An actor I actually had a crush on.

Thankfully, the situation didn’t exactly call for mingling. I ran off to hide inside my cottage as soon as I realized who he was, occupying myself with fixing everything for the next day instead of daydreaming about the man next-door.

There would be time for that later, once I got in bed. But weirdly enough, that was the only time I really thought about him during those first weeks of quarantine. Every once in a while I’d get the random wave of curiosity about what he was doing - what did Henry Cavill get up to while spending lockdown by himself? But that was pretty much it.

I woke up every day, had breakfast, worked and then went to bed. Sometimes I’d sit by the balcony and watch the birds fly, taking in the scenery and breathing in the salty water. Even as a kid, I’d always loved the sea. It was comforting, so it made sense for me to turn to it in such a stressful time.

Sometimes I’d hear a bark or two, reminding me of the man who was staying in the other cabin, and it made me smile. I always did like his dog, whenever I saw pictures of him.

I hoped they were alright and that the absence of any human contact wasn’t getting to them, even though it was getting to me. I could feel my own social abilities - which weren’t exactly stellar before - slowly becoming decrepit, and I was scared to think of what my first human interaction would be like once lockdown was over.

I just hadn’t anticipated it would be come so soon.

The morning began as it usually would. I took my shower, I had my breakfast, and I sat in front of the computer with my coffee in hands, ready to start working for the day.

Only the computer wasn’t ready for it, too.

“What?” I talked to myself - something that had become more usual the longer lockdown went on. “Oh, no, no, no…” The situation was looking drearier the longer I stared at my lifeless screen.

Looking up at the clock, I considered my options. Even supposing I could get someone to come to this middle of nowhere to fix it, there was no way I’d be able to get it done before work started.

Sighing, I pushed away from my designated desk to call my boss. Thankfully, he understood and I was left to repair the damn thing and come up with a solution for the next day.

My heart ached at the prospect of having to abandon my refuge because of an electronic malfunction. And that is, if there even was anyone willing to fix the damn thing, considering the pandemic and the rules of social distancing. That’s when suddenly, an idea popped up.

I remembered all the fuss a few months back over a video of Henry assembling a computer all by himself. There was no way someone with that much hardware prowess couldn’t at least know enough to fix this simple laptop.

With that thought in mind, I gathered all of my courage to leave my little shack and make my way to the neighboring cabin. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door, and after a few seconds of silence - he was probably surprised and certainly not expecting anyone - a voice sounded from within.

“Who is it?” Now, I had thought this through. If this man came as far as I had come to this damn forgotten town, it was because 1) he wanted peace and quiet and 2) he was as terrified of the virus as I was. So I knew what I needed to say - what I would like to hear if the roles were reversed.

“It’s your neighbor. My name’s Y/N. I’m so sorry to disturb, but my computer broke and I need it to work and you’re the only person I’m 100% sure has been socially distancing for long enough not to put my life in risk.” After all, I would have seen if someone had come to visit him. I didn’t need to say this because both of us knew it. “Would you pretty pretty please come and check it out?”

Silence followed my question and I sighed, rubbing my sweaty forehead as I knew this was a long-shot. “I understand if you’re unable or uncomfortable doing so, I just figured I’d ask. Thanks anyway!”

I had already turned my back to his front door when I heard it swinging open, the pitter patter of paws following close behind. My eyes took in the man in front of me for only a second before looking down at the dog at his feet, head tilted in interest as he analyzed me.

Immediately, my eyes lit up. “Kal!” I exclaimed, kneeling down to let the animal sniff me so I could pet it. My heart stopped working for a second when I realized what I’d done, though.

“Sorry!” I looked up at him from my kneeling position, trying to ignore how awkward it was, considering what I was close to. “I-I do know who you are, I’m not gonna lie about that.”

I straightened up as he kept looking at me in a way I couldn’t quite define. Neither could I determine how it made me feel, just that it made me avert my gaze so I’d stare at my feet.

“So… Are you gonna help me?” He chuckled at my question, closing the door behind him and taking a step in my direction, making me fumble as I instinctively stepped back.

“Sure.” It was the first thing he spoke to me, but we walked back to my own place in silence. He had his hands in his pockets as Kal followed us closely, his tongue hanging outside his mouth as he happily explored the outside for this little while. “Come on in.”

The way the cottage was set up left little space for him to wonder where he should be helping me. The desk in which I had prepared my set-up stood right by the wall to our left, and there he went without me having to point it out.

I watched a drop of sweat roll down the nape of his neck and fall under his tank top, distracting me as I licked my lips at the sight of it. Then his head turned to look at me and I realized that he was waiting for an answer to a question I hadn’t heard.

“Yeah, huh?” He chuckled again, making my face feel warm - an not (only) because of the overwhelming heat.

“Is it okay if I disconnect the wi-fi?” I wave my hand dismissively, shrugging.

“As long as you’re able to fix this, you can do whatever the hell you want.” I got the impression that I amused him, but he didn’t say anything else as he got to work on my (seemingly) dead computer.

Minutes went by of complete silence, safe from the sounds of typing and metal as Henry worked on the machine and I tried not to bite my nails. Finally, he pulled away from the screen and put his hands on his hips as if assuming some sort of decided stance - but if it was a good or bad thing, I couldn’t tell.

“Tell me, doctor.” I asked, pushing myself away from the sofa to approach him. The smell of a man’s sweat really had no right to be this arousing. “Is it life or death?” Henry turned to stare at me with a quirked eyebrow, and in the seconds it took for him to answer, I was once again distracted by just how hot he was.

“Sorry, what?” I asked when he became silent and I realized he’d asked me something I hadn’t heard once more. His smile said he was annoyed and entertained at the same time. “Sorry, you’re hot, it’s hot, and I can’t think straight,” I sighed, brushing the hair away from my eyes as I pressed my palms against them, trying to pull myself together.

“I swear to God, I’m not crazy.” I tried to look him directly as I said that, but was surprised at what I saw when our gazes met. There was a peculiar sense of yearning that he exuded, something I couldn’t quite place but that took my breath away all the same, especially when he took my silence as an invitation to invade my personal space.

“If you want me so badly, all you have to do is ask.” Silence fell heavily and I was out of breath just from his words - not a good sign. My throat felt dry, too dry, so I swiped my tongue over my bottom lip as I struggled to say something.

“W-why, though?” He tilted his head to the side, eyes inscrutable while he judged my question, trying to understand where it came from just like I was trying to understand his interest in me, when he suddenly smiled.

“I figured it’s a nice way for you to pay me back.” It took me a second to understand what he was referring to, and then my eyes darted from the computer to him, my mouth falling open in offense until he started chuckling. “I’m joking!” But even so, the question remained…

“Sweetheart…” He spoke, voice low and velvety as two strong hands suddenly enveloped my hips. “You’re seriously underestimating how hot you are.” I didn’t know what to say, so I had to make sure I’d hear him right.

“M-me?” A predatory smirk took over his face, slowly. I gulped under its intensity, feeling much like prey as he started to back me against the couch. I fell on top of it with a gasp, and another one escaped me when he used my ankles to pull me closer.

“I wanna eat you out.” It was all I got as an answer, but I can’t say that I minded it. As he dropped to his knees before me, pulling down my underwear before spreading my legs for his eyes to take in, it felt like I got a response from the gesture in itself.

“Do you know how long it’s been since I ate pussy?” The unexpected question made me choke on my own saliva, as he chuckled darkly in amusement at my bashfulness. I could only breathe through my mouth when he leaned down to run his tongue on the edge of my lips, slowly acquainting himself with my taste, making me moan softly.

“I-I definitely and decidedly don’t.” He seemed to like this answer, understand that it delimited exactly the type of fan that I was: the kind that knew what he was and what he liked - his dog, his computer - but not someone who was obsessed with his entire dating history, eager to know his every secret.

The longer Henry ate me out, the clearer it became just how long it’d been since he’d done this. It was obviously something he liked - the way he buried his face against my cunt and engulfed it entirely with his open mouth showed so. And the fact that he licked me and sucked me like he was a starved man? This was a man denied of a pleasure he genuinely enjoyed, that much I was certain of.

“Do you like this?” He asked once he inserted one of his thick fingers inside of me, already stretching me beyond what I could do with my own hand.

“How could I not?” I managed to moan a response, making him chuckle.

“Show me how to find it,” he instructed, eyes sparkling with determination. “I want to find your sweet spot.” I’d never had someone I was with so interested in giving me pleasure before.

Hypnotized, my fingers circled his wrist as best as I could, slowly moving him to run his digits over the top of my channel. He knew when he found it because I cried out for him, closing my eyes momentarily.

“Cum for me,” he ordered, and how could I deny him that, especially when he was looking at me with those darkened eyes? He milked my orgasm until my pussy had stopped clenching around him, but the second that it was done, he growled, getting up to his knees. “Gonna fuck you now.”

He pulled me by my hair, making me moan out loud as he slowly inserted his monster cock inside of me. “Oh, God!” His groan had me panting, cunt clenching around his thickness. I couldn’t understand how I was able to take it, but I was glad that was the case. “So… tight…”

Through his grip on my hair, he pulled me to deposit quick kisses down my jaw. “You take me so well, darling.” It was a compliment I was proud to receive, even though I wasn’t too sure how I managed to earn it in the first place.

“I honestly don’t know how,” I admitted, gasping when he slowly dragged his cock out to slam it in me, but I instinctively pulled my hips away, earning an amused chuckle from him.

“Come back here,” he ordered, already pulling me back to spear me with his painfully hard length. I’d have to be inhuman not to cry out at the feeling of his bulbous head bumping against my cervix. “Are you scared?” He joked as I bit on my bottom lip not to give in and laugh. “You think I’m too big?”

“You’re more than enough, I’ll tell you that.” Now, that had his own laugh escaping his chest, making my body tremble underneath his, inadvertently getting some friction between the both of us. It earned me a moaned out, “Yes…” that got his attention back to where I hoped it would be, and as his eyes settled on me, I briefly wondered if I was prepared for what was to come.

“But now that you got all of me inside of you, do you really want to go?” The whispered question made me shiver. I never expected him to be the type to talk dirty, but then again, I never expected I’d be fucked by him, either.

“No.” It was all the permission he needed.

“Then let me fuck you hard.” And hard he did fuck me. He was hard inside of me, it probably would have been painful for him if he wasn’t so desperately trying to alleviate it by frantically fucking me against the couch.

It was the most deliciously torturous experience I’d ever gone through. I had to bite my lip while I held onto his shoulders for dear life, trying to stop my moans from escaping because I was sure that for once, I’d become a screamer.

Unfortunately, it seemed like Henry didn’t appreciate my efforts to keep his ears from deafening. “What’s wrong?” He questioned, fingers tightening on my hips. “I thought you wanted this.”

Confused, all I could think to say was, “I-I do.”

“Then let me hear you,” he insisted. “You know you can scream all you want. We’re all alone up here on the coast.” Well, he wasn’t wrong. And with that reassurance, I allowed my head to fall back and my mouth to fall open, my moans flowing freely from my body as Henry kept fucking me.

“This is so much better than touching myself in search of a release,” he mumbled at some point, like he was talking to himself. “I was so damn lonely and you have such a tight little pussy.”

Being fucked by him felt like a religious experience. Henry somehow knew the map to my pleasure, easily bringing me to the brink of bliss before I had even managed to wrap my head around this turn of events.

My moans grew louder as I climbed higher and higher, but before I could fully tip over his hand curled around my throat, not constricting any air, just calling my attention.

“Ask for permission, baby.” Just the order had me clenching around him, prompting him to release a moan of his own. All the while, I was groaning in frustration, trying to control myself or say what he wanted me to say, but all that came out of me was, “Goddamn! You can’t say stuff like that.” Henry’s laughter flowed freely once more, making my heart skip a beat. “Why not?”

“Because you’re a fucking movie star and I am not up to fall in love with you.” That had his eyebrows raising in surprise, the smile disappearing from his face before it came back as a teasing smirk.

“Oh, so this is a one-time thing.” The taunting manner in which he said it surprised me in turn, so I hesitated before nodding. I mean, of course it was, right? He didn’t even know me. This was strictly sexual and physical, I would not be fooled by my own hormones. “My cock is not enough for you to want to get to know me some is that it?” … Was he testing me?

“Yes.” His smirk only grew at the word. “This is a one-time thing.”

“We’ll see about that.” His fingers ran down my body to graze over my clit. I sucked in a breath, trying to keep it in, knowing I was going to lose. Eventually, as my thighs began to tremble, I gave in altogether.

“Please, let me cum, please.” His eyes softened at my broken and desperate plea, hand gripping my cheeks as he finally nodded.

“Keep staring at me as you cum,” he commanded, still just as bossy. “Show me how pretty you look when you cream all over my dick.” That was all I needed to succumb to the pleasure he was subjecting me to.

I felt his cock, still hard as it pumped rope after rope of cum inside of me, and by the time I was able to open my eyes again, he was panting over me, sweat dripping from his forehead onto my face.

I didn’t have the time to think about what I should do - push him away, try to pretend this didn’t happen - because the second I began to adjust on the couch, he pulled me to rest against his chest.

“Let’s stay here for a little while,” he quietly asked me. “Then we’ll figure out if there’s enough room for me to take you in your bed.”

#my fics #henry cavill smut #henry cavill #smut #henry cavill request #henry cavill requests #my requests #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill reader #henry cavill reader insert #henry cavill reader inserts #rpf #fanfiction #henry cavill oneshot

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

I.R.L.📷1

Warnings: noncon sexual acts and rape, voyeurism/exhibitionism, slight stalking, masturbation, naughty talk.

This is dark!(camboy!)Andy Barber. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your guilty pleasures becomes and all too real terror.

Note: I split this into two because it kept stretching on and on ahah. But I hope you’re ready for a creepy ass camboy.

Thank you so much for your patience! And support!!

As always, if you are so inclined, please like, reblog, and comment. <3

You could blame your break-up or the pandemic but you were just lonely. Besides, Cam left you a year ago and the quarantine was long over. It seemed the whole word had moved on except you.

You always got that fluttery feeling when you opened up the tab and typed in the address. You keyed in your username and password and that moment of shame and guilt quickly passed. Men did this all the time so what was the big deal? You had the money and time to waste on the shallow release.

You scrolled through the active rooms and found ‘SuitNTie80’. There were a few times you tried other rooms but you quickly left, always keeping to your comfort zone, not that you were ever very comfortable. There was that shadow of guilt that lingered after but you learned to live with it.

You sat up and leaned on your arm as you watched the window load and the chat popped up first on the side. You were desensitized to the image of the naked body, the large hand around the thick shaft, stroking and teasing as he issued intoxicating groans. You piled your pillows behind you and bent your legs as you watched lazily.

You were mostly quiet but you were there at least twice a week. You didn’t have much to say in the text box and the thought of a private voice chat was too intimidating for the price. You sent your donations and went on your way once you got yours.

You tickled your leg as your eyes clung to the hair along his muscled chest and stomach, his thick thighs bent and bulging as he gripped his dick firmly. He was huge, not that you were ever a size queen, but it was a nice escape, a careless fantasy. It wasn’t hurting anyone to look.

You hummed and reached for your vibe. You leaned back and teased your clit. You got wetter as he moved around and the bold yellow font popped up in the chat box. You hit ‘pay’ and bypassed the tier. The chat dwindled and the muscular body laid back so that his dick stood straight. He continued to play with himself as he pushed his head into the pillow.

You grabbed your dildo and angled it down along your folds. You poked and prodded until you slipped inside just a little. You pulled back and pushed back in until you could take most of it, the vibe still buzzing against your bud.

Another paywall popped up and again you hit the big button and confirmed. You kept the transactions on your credit card and didn’t think much until the statement showed up. Again, the audience dwindled. It was Wednesday, there weren’t as many as the weekends.

You got comfortable again and pumped the toy as you rubbed the stimulator against your clit. You bit your lip and whined, close. The deep voice stopped you.

“Looks like it's just you,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bed and kept his hand moving.

You typed a hey into the chat and sent another tip. He smiled, only the bottom half of his face visible, the trimmed beard defined his already sharp jaw. You fell back again as you tried to focus on his hand.

“You’re here a lot, honey,” he purred and rasped as he rolled his palm around his tip, “every week…”

You froze and sat up stiffly, careful not to push the toy deeper.

“You don’t have to be shy,” he cooed, “we can go into a private room.”

You didn’t know what to say. You just wanted to cum and lay down. Forget about another long day back in the office.

“No charge,” he offered, “I’d just like to hear your voice.”

Your fingers tapped noisily over the whir of the toy, ‘why?’

“You’re my most loyal customer,” he slowed his hand, “just curious.”

You just sat there, your heart pounding. You liked not being seen, just watching quietly, just being there in the audience. You were embarrassed he even noticed the frequency of your attendance. You eased the toy out of you as you leaned an arm on your leg. You hovered the cursor over the leave icon.

The invited for a private room popped up and kept you from clicking, “just a few minutes, honey, I’m almost done and I wanna help you finish.”

You bit the inside of your lip and dragged your finger down the trackpad. You hit ‘accept’ and a pop-out window buffered as it requested access to your microphone. You could mute once you were in. You confirmed and the private room loaded. You maximized it and drew your hand back sharply, already regretting the decision.

“How are you doing, honey?” he asked, “anyway you want me?”

You stared at the screen, overwhelmed by the spontaneity and your natural shyness.

“I hear your toy,” he said softly, “why don’t you tell me what you’re playing with?”

You gulped and the mattress spring squeaked as you shifted, “um, I’m okay,” you answered his first question, “how are you?”

“I’m great,” he pushed the camera back and sat so that you could see all of him, “it’s nice to hear the voice behind the name.” His teeth grazed his lip as his muscles tensed and he groaned, “so what do we got, hmm?”

“Er,” you looked down, the toy buzzing against your thigh as you’d let it slip thoughtlessly, “a vibe and... “

“And…” he coaxed, “what else, honey?”

“Um, a dildo?” you said weakly, “erm, yeah.”

“Is it inside you?” he asked.

You choked and tried to smother it. You sniffed and clicked off the toy. “Sorry, I don’t think--”

“I want it inside you, now,” he said firmly as he stroked himself, “I want you to imagine it’s me, that i’m stretching you.”

You gaped at the screen as he watched you expectantly, almost as if he could see you. You always kept your camera covered though so at least he could only hear how clueless you were.

“Turn the vibe back on and put that dick inside of you,” he snarled, “come on, honey, for me.”

“I…” you breathed, “okay…”

You shakily hit the button so it vibed again. You asked yourself what you were doing as you slipped it down against your clit and pushed the dildo into you before it could slip out completely. You squeaked and he growled as his hand sped up.

“Mmm, is it in?” he asked, “all of it?”

“Y-yeah,” you murmured, “as much as… I can.”

You cringed at your own answer and he grinned.

“Oh, you’re tight?” he teased, “sounds like you need to be broken in.” You let out a breath as you sat unmoving, filled but paralysed by the intimacy of the chat, “go on, I wanna hear you, honey. I can’t finish if I can’t hear you.”

You hesitated but laid back against the mountain of pillows. You rolled the vibe flat to your clit and moved the dildo slowly. You quivered as the ripples flowed through you and made your toes curl, your legs splayed wide around your laptop. You can hear how wet you are as instinctively you move the toy faster and moan.

“That’s it, honey,” he cooed, “listen to you, hmm? So we for me…” his voice was a series of gasps as he added lube to his length and sped up, “how close are you?”

“C-close,” you rasped.

“Good, good,” his knuckles turned white as he worked his hand even faster, “I want you to picture me… balls deep… fucking you until your hips hurt… until you can’t walk…”

You let out a pathetic mewl as you fucked yourself harder with the toy, to the point of pain.

“What’s you’re favourite position, honey?” he asked as he used both hands on himself.

“Oh, uh…” you shuddered as you thought, trying to keep the toys in action, “doggy… I think.”

“Mmm, wouldn’t you like me behind you, pounding into that tight little cunt,” he puffed, “I can only imagine how tight you’d squeeze me… the way you’d shake… you think you could take it? Hmm?”

“Y�� y… yes,” your voice fizzled out and you let out a strained cry as you came abruptly.

You panted wildly and turned onto your side as you squeezed both toys between your legs and groaned. A grunt brought your attention back to the screen as you twitched. The man cradled his sack as he came and strings spilled from his tip as his voice rumbled from the speakers. He smeared his cum all down his length until he was a mess and let his shoulders fall as he stilled his hand.

“Was that good, honey?” he asked as he looked into the camera.

“Mhmm,” you uttered as you sat up and slid the dildo out, sending a shiver up your spine.

“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?” he stood and came closer to the camera, bending so that you could see his face clearly, he was startlingly handsome, “can we do it again?”

“I… don’t know,” you replied as you turned off the vibe and covered yourself as if he could see you, “maybe.”

“You did really well, sweetie,” he smiled, “and I really like your voice.”

“I…” you sniffed and swallowed as you glanced around your dark bedroom. Is this what you’d come to? “I gotta go.”

You hit ‘leave’ and immediately felt awful. As much for leaving him hanging as even indulging in the chat. You rubbed your temples and bent your fingers against your skull as you gripped your head. How sad could your existence be?

📷

The disconnect icon came up and Andy sighed. He closed down the chat and logged out. He sat and cleaned himself, gently as he was overly sensitive from over an hour of stimulation. He enjoyed his little sessions and he made a decent penny, not that he really needed the money. It was more the high than the dollar sign.

He pulled on a loose pair of silk pajama pants and the fabric tickled his tip cloyingly. He closed the lid of his laptop and tidied the room, stripping the bed and putting the plain cotton sheets back on. He sat heavily to catch his breath and leaned back on the heels of his hands.

He always saw her username in the chat when she entered and tipped but she never said anything. He didn’t think much of it, she was just another regular. LacyLilac; it was a cute name. He was just bored and wanted to try something new. It was fun and thrilling and just the sound of her wet cunt made him twitch.

He kept thinking about her voice. He was disappointed she left so quickly. He would’ve liked to talk a little longer but it was just a porn chat after all. What more did they have to say to each other?

He tried to match her voice to a face in his head. She was probably cute; she sounded young. Well, lots of people were younger than him. He was probably one of the oldest cammers on the site. 

She was shy though and he liked that. He’d married the outspoken one and he was over it. That turned to shit fast and look where it got him. Alone and pimping himself out for kicks. Yeah, it was fun at first, he liked being watched, it was always a game for him. He used to play with himself at his desk in his office, sometimes the interns caught him but they never said anything. They were too afraid.

That was all gone too. That life was behind him, so far it almost felt like it never happened. He wished it never had; wished he hadn’t wasted the time.

He stood and sighed. He took his laptop from the table and slipped it under his arm. He went downstairs and opened it on the counter. He let the screen saver bounce as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. He popped the cap off with the edge of the granite and watched the little wisp of mist rise from the neck.

He tapped on the pad and scrolled through his activity log. He found her name and clicked on it. Her profile was mostly empty except for the profile pic, a stock photo of lilacs. He got nothing from scrolling up and down the blank fields. Well, he knew a few tricks the cops passed onto him back in the day.

He opened another tab and quickly generated the link. He went back to her profile and clicked the little speech bubble beside her username. He took a moment before he began to type.

‘Hey, honey, I had fun. I hope to see you again on Friday <3. My schedule’s changing soon, you can see it here.’ He attached the link and hit send. He took a swig of the hoppy beer and leaned an elbow on the counter. 

All she had to do was click that link, if she didn’t, he’d have to figure something else out. Or maybe just give up.

The computer chirped as a green dot appeared beside her name. She was online. He saw the little eye beside his message and the dots as she typed. She stopped and he waited. Nothing.

He clicked back to the other window and opened up the visitation log for the link. He smiled and took another deep gulp. She’d done it. She tried to use the link and now he could see everything; her IP, her location, her internet provider. It was just enough to work with.

Bing. He switched back over to the chat and finally her response hung beneath his in a bubble.

‘Thx. I’ll try. The link doesn’t work tho.’

He typed with one hand as he finished his beer in sips, ‘sorry, honey. I’ll fix that and send an updated link when I get a chance. Have a good night <3.’

‘Good night,’ she responded and the green dot disappeared.

He set aside his empty bottle and closed the laptop. He was hard again. It didn’t usually happen so soon after a session. It was why he spaced them out. But he was throbbing so violently that just standing straight made him groan.

He gripped the counter and shoved his hand down his pants. He closed his eyes and exhaled as he quaked at his own touch. He thought of her little ‘ums’ and ‘ers’ and the buzz of her toy. Such a shy little thing acting so innocent and yet she was always there, watching him. 

Fuck, it wouldn’t take much more. Not as he thought of how she couldn’t even fit the whole toy in her sweet cunt. He would help her with that. 

📷

The anomaly soon grew to a habit. The second meeting was just as awkward. You didn’t do private chats, it was just easier to fade into the background, but the third was easier. Despite how your nerves flurried and your hair stood on edge, he made you feel comfortable, made you relax as you neared the tipping point.

That night, you promised him you’d be in the chat but things always went to shit when you had plans. You were almost relieved as your after hours activities were starting to get in the way of your work. You found it hard to focus when he kept sending you messages that filled your burner email.

You sat before the blue-tinted hue of the monitor, your eyes watering as the colours seared into your retinas. The spreadsheet left a template in your vision and you saw the little boxes even as you leaned back and rubbed your eyes. Maybe another hour and you could go and forget about the colour-coded rectangles.

You sighed and took out your phone. You looked out at the pen of cubicles, your small office forgotten in the corner. You handled the numbers and those only mattered when someone needed a new chair or the holiday party was coming near, and those tasks were easier left to the interns.

You yawned and swiveled back and forth in your chair. The little envelope floated in the margin. You dragged down the status bar and hit the icon. Your inbox was filled with alerts to new messages on the chat site. You only had your shell email account attached to your phone and kept to incognito mode on your laptop.

Only Lucy was still around and she was having a loud phone call on speaker a few offices down. She basically lived at her desk and served as a harbinger of your future. You opened a private window and signed in. You went to your profile and checked the blinking message box.

‘Hey, starting soon.’

‘On live now!’

‘Where are you, honey?’

‘About to go private.’

The last message was a sad-looking emoji and you shook your head. This was why you needed to stop. It felt special at first to be noticed, to feel wanted even if you were just a money sign, but it was growing exhausting. You hardly even enjoyed it anymore, you were just there to get off and get it over with.

‘Srry, caught up at work. Not going to make it tn.’

You hit send and blacked out your phone. You went back to the lifeless excel columns and compared it with the garbled mess corrupted on the second monitor. You told Stuart over and over to eject it properly and didn’t understand how the file hadn’t been uploaded to the company cloud. You shuffled through your papers and shrugged it off. No use being angry, no one cared.

Your phone vibed again. You ignored it and kept typing, looking through reports by the month as you keyed in numbers. A year's worth of tracking all down the drain. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Your phone wouldn’t stop.

You opened up your phone and went back to the private window. ‘You couldn’t tell me earlier?’ ‘Hello?’ ‘What did I do, honey?’

The messages came close together and you looked over at the log. His chat had gone inactive; it was early. You were slightly addled and confused by that.

‘It’s work. I haven’t had a chance. Can’t talk. Logging off. See you Friday.’ You hit the arrow and excited the window. 

You dropped your phone face down and hung your head back in exasperation. Your guilty pleasure was becoming a second job. The guy had enough viewers, he could hardly be missing your wallet that much. It was starting to get weird and you weren’t so sure you were going to tune in that Friday, you might be better off to catch up on your sleep.

📷

You kept your laptop off on Friday and opted instead to catch up the latest episodes of your favourite trash tv. The week was long enough to have you dozing off by the second episode and you woke early on Saturday, feeling more groggy than refreshed. Even so, you had two days to yourself.

Two days to catch up with your personal life. You went to the kitchen and used the last of the coffee. And the cream. Time for a shop. Well, you could still make a fun day out of it. There was a café in the same plaza as the grocery store so you could stop in and pretend like you were enjoying your time off with whatever specialty flavour they offered that day.

You didn’t get out before noon as you dragged your feet. Your mind kept drifting to your claustrophobic office and the migraine-inducing spreadsheets. You tried not to, fought your own mind as you steered into the parking lot, but you knew you had another week of bullshit awaiting you.

You grabbed a cart and made your rounds of the aisles, sighing as you waited on octogenarians to decide on a grain of bread. You hurried to check-out before you could get caught behind another dawdler and paid, piling your goods in your cart impatiently. You rolled out the lot and filled your trunk, pushing the cart back to the receptacle with the rest.

You hit the lock button on your keys and headed to the cafe. You eyed the strawberry and cream latte on the board as you stood in line. A deep voice drew your attention from the menu and your heart stuttered as you looked at the man at the till. It couldn’t be.

You got a better look at his face as he eyed the desserts in the glass case and pointed to the one he wanted. How in the fuck? The world couldn’t be that small. You tucked your chin down as your cheeks burned. You could only think about the image of him, or really his more intimate parts, and his low moans.

He swiped his card and moved along the counter. You stood frozen, not moving until the person behind you told you it was your turn. You apologized and moved up to the till. You stammered out your order and fumbled with your wallet, keeping your head down as you paid.

You kept your distance as you moved to wait in the corner until your turn at the window was called. You stared at the floor and tried to dissipate into the air as you pondered just leaving without your drink. When your name rang in your ears, you stepped up without look and collided with another.

“Oh, sorry,” the familiar voice made your eyes round, “shoot.”

You winced and pulled your shirt away from your chest as the hot coffee seeped down your front. You shook out the fabric and shook your head.

“It’s fine, I-- I wasn’t looking where I was going,” you dared to look up at him, unsurprised by your luck, “I hope I didn’t, er, spill too much.”

“I’m more worried about burning you,” he said, “you sure you’re alright?”

“Fine,” you repeated curtly and stepped around him, “really.”

You grabbed the paper cup and spilled even more hot liquid onto your fingers in your urgency. When you turned back the man was just ahead of you and he waited as he held the door for you. You ducked your head down as you passed him and thanked him with a mumble.

“No problem,” he said as he dropped the door.

You stepped off the curb and almost tripped. You didn’t look back as you rushed over to your car and searched for your keys in your pockets. You hit the button and quickly opened the door and flopped into the seat, placing your cup in the holder as more foam and espresso spilled from under the lid.

You hung your head back and sighed. You cringed and wanted to scream. You gripped the steering wheel and shook the whole car in your tantrum. As if your life couldn’t get worse. You were just one disaster after the other.

You wiped your hand on your jeans and started the car. Oh well, a forgettable slip-up. You wouldn’t remember it next week and he likely wouldn’t either. He didn’t even know who you were. Didn’t know you were one of the perverts watching him on their screen as they sat in the dark, lonely and desperate.

You pulled out of your spot and steered between the rows as you neared the exit. Fuck, you thought to yourself, you probably paid for that coffee. Ugh, why were you doing this to yourself? Making yourself feel worse and for what? He put himself on the internet, you were just supporting him.

“Just shut up,” you said to your inner voice as you turned out into traffic, “just stop.”

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #camboy!andy barber #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #two shot #one shot #irl #defending jacob

[sashi-ya]

kid with female s/o kidnapping + rape (play)-rough sex for kinks deep throating, gags, collars, name calling, humiliation and end of the world au<3

Hi babe! of course!! Thank u for your request and sorry for the waiting! Enjoy! 💖💖

🔥🚫 NSFW ~ Eustass Captain Kid x F! Reader ~ Before It All Ends [Consented Rape PLAY]

tw: CONSENTED rape PLAY. It's just a fantasy reader has and Kid fulfils it for her. End of the world AU. Rough sex. Humiliation. Name calling. Face fucking. Clothes ripping. Slapping. Collars. Gagging. Mentions of Covid-19 pandemic. Fluffy ending.

a/n: Both characters have given their previous consent to the play. Yet, I know it's an extremely controversial and triggering topic, so it's ok if you don't feel comfortable with it, please do not interact. I won't take responsibility if you ignore the TWs. I have plenty of fics that don't include this type of practices for you to read. Thank u 💖~

a/n2: There is a menace the characters call "them". It is not stated in the fic if "them" are zombies, monsters, people, aliens, etc. You can chose -yet I thought about crazy mfs from a "world gov" that rules the world after the starting of the end -. (for the love of God it has nothing to do with the pronoun! It's a way to name "those things")

wc: 1,7K

Dry lips and ragged clothes.

No more water until the rains finally arrive… and even though, you are not still very sure if you are still going to be alive by that time.

The end of the world has come, people shouted. Not really the world, but the end of humanity. Humanity deserved it, though. The Covid pandemic was just the starting point, it was none compared to what came next. And it’s been all humans' fault. But, some of you have thrived to survive, despite everything. You are living your life day by day waiting for death to take you in any moment.

The cold cement under you, ruins of what someone’s house remains, it's your only refuge. That and a pretty collar the love of your life once gave to you. You play with the little heart that hangs from the red leather material of it, watching as some dogs play with some deer, right there, in front of you, in the middle of a street that once was occupied by a sea of cars.

Suddenly someone snatches from behind, a huge hand with red polish on its nails around your neck. You shout and scream, but no one listens. Of course nobody would come, of course they wouldn't…

“Let me go!” you shout. “Shh… stop shouting… or do you want themto hear you?” you freeze and stop shouting. You don’t want more menaces around you right now. He drags you to the little back streets behind your “house”, your knees get scrapped, your old, ragged clothes even more destroyed.

He finally throws you against the debris of an old wall. Your back hit the remaining bricks covered in moss and some plants. “I’ve been watching you closely, you know?” a red-haired man, tall and strong, covered in wounds and scars, tells you while towering you.

Your lips tremble, today’s the day. “Today I’ll leave this shitty world behind” you think, but there is something inside you that’s absolutely not convinced of giving up… and so you decide to stand up and escape.

But you can’t.

He is way faster and stronger, and before you could ever run away he has already put his huge boot over your chest. “Where are you going, little bitch?” he asks, laughing after with a sadistic grin. You pant, you try to gasp for air, but the boot is so damn heavy.

“You aren’t going anywhere. You are less than them, you are just a little hole for me to cum inside”.

He takes off his foot over you, and crunches at your side. The red-haired man grabs you by your collar, pulling you up from it as if you weigh less than a feather. “Who gave you this, bitch? Huh? was your stupid boyfriend? Tell him when he is back you’ve been fucked properly before this world finally explodes”.

You cry, moving your head to the side as he comes closer and closer. His red lipstick ends up smudged all over your cheek and the sides of your mouth as he tries to kiss you. “No” you whine. “Shut the fuck up!” he commands, hitting your back against the ground.

His intrusive tongue opens its way inside your mouth, it’s difficult to breathe as he violently kisses you. Your lips end up irritated from the constant graze of his mouth and his poorly shaved chin. But your lips aren’t the only parts that he kisses, and by pulling your head back from your hair he exposes your neck to his mouth.

He bites, he kisses and marks your flesh, down your neck to your collar bones. “Let me see your tits, bitch” he shouts, laughing like crazy and ripping your shirt in two. Bouncing breasts before his eyes, got him drooling. He spits on your nipples, using her hand to smear it everywhere. Your nipples get hard, you squeeze your eyelids, why is this so arousing? he is forcing you, why are you liking this?...

He bites and pulls from your nipple, making you scream in both pain and pleasure. “Stop shouting, you little whiny whore” he shouts covering your mouth with his huge hands. You only moan and whine under his muzzling motion and as you do, you watch him lower the zipper of his old ragged yellow pants.

“Now you are gonna give that mouth a better use” he states, lifting you up from your hair. You kneel on the ground, feeling as the many rocks get embedded on your knees, at this point you are sure they might be bleeding. “Open” he commands, but you keep your lips sealed. He shakes your head, violently. “OPEN” he says while sticking his fingers inside your mouth.

Your saliva drips from the side and wets his fingers as he uses his other hand to guide his dick into your mouth. Throbbing member menacing to go deep inside your mouth, you swear your jaw would probably get dislocated by the size of his dick.

He slaps your cheek with his shaft, salty pre cum strings forming from the tip of it. He is so aroused, so horny, so excited to fuck your mouth… and he does. Deep inside it goes, pumping, hitting your throat, making you gag. The last traces of the mascara you decided to wear that afternoon, even during the apocalypse, stain the tears that form on the corner of your eyes.

You gag, you even get a little nauseous by such violent assault. “Good girl, taking it all inside! That’s a good little bitch” he encourages to keep getting deepthroated by him as he slaps one of your breasts. And he keeps pouncing on you, one thrust, two… three… “Are you thirsty, little bitch?” you look at him, already understanding what he meant by that. Your victimized sight gets him on edge, and as he licks his lips, he moves your head back and forth pulling from your hair.

“Drink it all, slut”

The sticky warm product of his orgasm travels down your throat as he releases himself. Thirsty or not, you have been fed by his juices and even if you thought this was enough, oh no, it wasn’t… not at all.

He pushes you back, cleaning the remains of his cum from the commissure of your lips. “Good girl” he says, as makes you lick his index finger. “Let me see if you are ready for me” he utters, while ripping your shorts off. “No… my last pair…” you cry. The red-haired man laughs at your disgrace and once again throws you against the ground.

“Spread your legs like the good obedient bitch you are” he commands, but you close your legs even more. “No!” you shout. “Fine… then if you don’t really want to cooperate I might have to call them and I can assure you that’s gonna be way worse” he threatens you, and he is right… if they come, you are lost. Completely lost.

Slowly, crying and nodding you spread your legs, your panties are rags at this point, a simple pull and they will probably disintegrate… you know, during the apocalypse there aren’t many Victoria’s Secret shops open. “I see you are dripping wet, bitch!” he points out, aware of how your core has reacted to such degrading but hot behavior.

And then again, the guilt… “I must be losing my mind”

He rips off your lingerie, and leaves you exposed in the middle of a deserted street, in the middle of the last days of earth, your whole anatomy ready to be devoured or forcibly fucked… at this point you don’t even care, perhaps this could make you feel anything before it all ends.

His fingers penetrate your entrance, sliding in and out with the honeys of your arousal. At first you just mumble cold repetitive “no” but then they turn into a mix of cry for help and the need for him to go on, rough so rough, to go on until you come. But he won’t make you come just by fingering you, he wants to fuck you so hard…

“Don’t come until I fill you up with my dick, you little bitch” he utters, and just as fast as he ripped your pants off he is in between your legs spreading them as open as possible for his huge muscular body to fit. He slaps his once again hard dick over your clit, making you squirm, fixing his orange deep eyes into yours.

And inside he goes, he does not wait, he does not do it softly. He penetrates you up until the deepest place possible. You feel like ripping in half, your walls stretch and clench around his dick as he pumps faster and faster. “Take it inside, take it all” he shouts. You are unable to even speak, you just moan and whine. It feels so good and yet so wrong, being forced and humiliated and still enjoying it must be sick, but you can’t help it.

His strong arms on each side of your head as he fucks you rough, you bite his right wrist, and he doesn’t care. “Babe, fuck… can I?” he asks. “Kid, yes don’t you dare stop… fill the fuck out of me” you beg, sex so intense you two forgot about your “forced sex fantasy”.

“Babe, I love… you” he mumbles when gives you the last thrusts.

“I… I love you… too” you whine as you reach climax, burying your heels into the small of his back…

Climax, a wonderful so needed orgasm leaves you both deceased. You rest your head over Kid’s chest. The sun above you scolds your skin even more than before everything changed, more than when the world wasn’t ending… “I’m sorry for ripping your clothes, babe” Kid excuses himself. “It’s ok, darling. I really liked your acting. Even during the apocalypse you manage to fulfil my fantasies” you tell him, kissing the tip of his nose.

“It’s my job, to protect you and make you happy…oh and by the way, I found some new clothes and clean water. A guy named Killer shared them with me. That’s why I ripped your old clothes...”

“You are my sunshine, Kid. I’d have let myself die at this point if it weren’t for you… Now let’s go, what if “they” come?”

“You are right, let’s go…”

#eustass kidd #eustass kid imagine #eustass kid x you #eustass kid x reader #eustass kid #eustasscaptainkid #one piece fanfiction #one piece x you #one piece x reader #one piece x y/n #one piece x oc #one piece kid #kid one piece #kid pirates #spicy week event #sashi ya #one piece #eustass x reader

[likeastarstar]

A Mutual Agreement Pt. 3

Summary: You and your boyfriend make a sex tape. lol.

(A/N: you don't need to read Part 1 or Part 2 to understand but you can if you want!)

masterlist.

You stared down at your boyfriend, hair throughly messed up from having your hands pull on it, lips cherry red and plump from kissing you, eyes slightly dazed. Yeah, this was your favorite version of Hoseok. The one without any inhibitions, the one who was yours. He stared at you with an intensity that had a shiver running down your back, a small smirk growing on his face when he noticed the reaction he had on you. You swallowed harshly and nodded to yourself, laying down on the bed you shared.

"Get the camera."

"Remind me again why we couldn't just do this on my phone?" He asked, frowning down at the handycam you bought off eBay last month.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, reaching a hand out for the camera, "Phones get hacked. Tapes can't."

"How am I even supposed to watch it? I won't have a VHS player on tour, you know." He laughed softly, shoulders freezing for a second when he noticed the crestfallen look on your face at the mention of him going on tour soon.

Nothing was planned for sure, but he was already starting to travel more. The pandemic had sucked, royally, but it had given you unlimited access to Hoseok in a way you were selfishly reluctant to let go of. It's the only reason you agreed to this in the first place- you wanted something for when you couldn't have him the way you wanted to.

You felt a light touch on your knee and looked at Hoseok, a soft look on his face. You shook your head, "Boner killer." You joked, "Give it to me."

He handed you the camera wordlessly, watching with raised eyebrows as you pointed it towards him and pressed record. You peeked through the viewfinder- a grainy, nostalgic version of Hoseok stared into the camera with the same intensity he looked at you with, your knees parted on either side of his figure where you laid on the bed. He pulled his shirt off in one motion, tossing it off to the side before scanning your body. You had lost your clothes ages ago, laying in your underwear before him.

You admired the strength of his brow through the camera lens, the sharp angle of his jaw, the way his abs flexed and relaxed as he walked towards you. Nothing really compared to your boyfriend's beauty in real life, but the camera you were currently holding was giving its best shot. You nudged his hip with your knee, gesturing for him to loose the pants as well. He did so silently, neither one of you wanting to speak for a moment. Hoseok studied you face for a moment and smiled, scanning your body with his eyes.

"Don't be nervous," He mumbled, a comforting hand on your knee, "We've done this before."

You laughed softly and he took the camera from you, turning it around so it was panned down on you, hair fanned out around you, gaze pointed past the camera and stuck on Hoseok, "I really fucking love you, you know that?" He said softly, setting the camera down on the side table you had strategically tested the point of view from two nights ago.

You smiled at him and reached a hand out towards him, pulling him on top of you. Part of you is hyperaware that there was a camera recording your every movement, a small red light signaling that yeah- you guys are definitely about to make a sex tape. The larger part is just really obsessed with Hoseok and the way he feels on top of you hands warming your skin with small massaging circles pressed into your figure. He kissed you urgently, desperately, like he had been holding back until now. You feel his body melt into yours, pressing down on you until all of the anxiety in your body about the situation withered away.

"Fucking gorgeous," Hoseok mumbled. You knew it was loud enough for the camera to pick up but he said it for just for you- you could tell by the way his eyes didn't leave yours. You kissed him again and slid your tongue against his, gliding a hand through his hair and pulling the roots of it sharply. Hoseok's movements turned carnal, biting down on your bottom lip as his hands slipped under your ass and pushed upwards, shoving your center against his hardening cock. You felt him strain against the fabric of his boxers, cock twitching, and suddenly you didn't give a shit about the camera. You wanted more of Hoseok and the small breathy grunts he was letting out, harmonizing with your own light pants of want. You felt Hoseok's hand push past the waistband of your underwear, long fingers dragging through your folds. He rubbed neat circles into your clit with enough pressure that you forgot all about the glowing red dot in the corner. He pinched your most sensitive spot, making you jump slightly before he slid two fingers into your pussy, a loud moan escaping you. He curved his fingers and stretched them out again, pressing down on your walls because he knew you could take it. You steadied your breathing to the best of your ability, his warm fingers rocking and sliding back and forth with a rhythm you couldn't quite keep up with. You didn't realize you were biting down on your lip until he kissed you, taking your bottom lip between both of his and sucking lightly.

"No more of this," He grumbled against your skin, "You're gonna split your lip open and I wanna hear you, I need to be able to hear the noises I fuck out of you when I'm jacking off to this in a couple months in a hotel room."

You moaned at the thought, kissing him messily as he continued thrusting his fingers into you. The pad of his thumb pressed and rubbed against your clit, pressing down further as his fingers thrust quickly into you in a bursting motion, pulling out almost entirely just to press in again. Your hips angled up towards his hand, wanting him to stay in one place, wanting to keep him near you. He ignored you, touch staying steady despite your squirming. It wasn't long before you came, pushing your face into the crook of his neck as electricity ran through your body. The two of you moved like waves, rocking against each other with a visceral need until you placed two hands on his shoulders and shoved him over, flipping the two of you so you were straddling him. You flipped your hair over to one side so it wasn't blocking the camera's view of Hoseok's face, moving down the length of his body until your face was in front of his cock.

You kissed his lower stomach lightly, pushing the waistband down and off of him quickly. He lifted his hips to help and you flickered your gaze up to him for a second, smiling at him. "Want you so bad," You mumbled, wrapping a hand around his cock and stroking it twice before sinking your lips down on him.

You loved giving Hoseok head- the noises he made, the way he looked, the salty rich taste. Everything about it was perfect. His hands instinctively buried themselves in your hair, guiding your head up and down on his cock. You kept up with him, bobbing up and down eagerly. You felt your lips stretch and ignored it, relishing in the noises Hoseok was making at the moment. He said you name like it was a prayer in a whiny tone reserved for you. Hoseok tightened his grip on your hair and held you still, snapping his hips up to your mouth, using you as he'd like. You gagged slightly but took it, wanting him to use you.

He released you quickly, lifting your mouth off of his cock and tightening his grasp instead at the nape of your neck, "Come up here," He ordered, motioning towards you with a jut of his chin. You did as he said, climbing up so that you were hovering above him, legs of either side of his torso. You grabbed his jaw in one hand and turned it up towards you, craning his head up to lock him in a fervent kiss, pulling away when you felt him start to lean forwards helplessly.

"So needy," You smiled cockily, running a hand through his hair and down to cup his cheek. You slapped his cheek lightly, laughing softly when he jumped in surprise. You brushed your thumb over his bottom lip, letting out a shallow breath when he closed his lips around the pad of your thumb. He sucked lightly, tongue snaking across the tip of your finger before nibbling on it.

Things feel different, like everything in the world is moving at a different pace than the two of you. Too fast and too slow at the same time, you had tension radiating off of your body and permeating into the air around you. You were long past coherent thoughts, only able to think about how hot you felt.

"You look so vulnerable right now," Hoseok noted, "I could do anything I wanted to you."

You nodded silently, feeling your cheeks heat up. Hoseok stared up at you with heavy intention in his eyes, wrapping a hands around the smallest part of your waist and another around his cock, lining it up to your pussy, and pulling you down on his lap in one smooth thrust.

You gasped in surprise, moaning out as you feel his length setting in you. Neither one of you moved for a moment, feeling overwhelmed for a moment. Hoseok's brows furrowed, a look of total concentration painted on his features. He tugged you down towards him, kissing down the length of your neck as if to give him something to do in the moment, arms wrapped around your back. Your hands tightened around the sheets in fists, feelings his grip tighten as he pulled off of your neck to stare at you again. You rocked against him slowly, matching his eye contact with your own. He winced when you clenched around him and went faster, beginning to lift yourself off of him.

"You feel so big like this," You moaned, letting him grip your waist to help you set a faster pace on top of him. He fucked into you from beneath, meeting the rise and fall of your hips," Shit- I feel so full."

"I'm always big, what the hell?" Hoseok laughed, dragging your hips back and forth against his.

You laughed, leaning down to kiss him sweetly. He grinned back at you and soon you were both slamming into one another. You matched his pace, fucking each other as fast as you could as he whispered things so dirty you almost hoped the camera didn't pick up on it.

"I'm gonna cum," You said, tapping his shoulder rapidly. He nodded and grasped your hip, pulling you off of him abruptly. You whined in protest, shutting up as soon as he slapped his palm against your hip, roughly positioning you on your back. He reached over you to grab the camera, a devilish smirk on his lips.

"Smile for the camera, baby." He prompted as he slid back into you. You moaned, fucking you even faster with the camera pointed down towards your face.

His free hand began rubbing your clit, keeping pace with his hips until it tipped you over, shaking underneath him. Your back arched and you wrapped your legs around him. He wasted no time fucking you into the bed, his rough fucking milking your orgasm. You clenched around him, feeling overstimulated until he slowed to a deep roll of his hips and came inside of you. He groaned sharply, throwing the camera to the side and leaning down to kiss you. Hoseok's tongue slid against yours in a wet, hot kiss, cock still buried deep inside of you.

You kissed him back, hugging him close to you until the two of you had come down from your highs completely.

"That was hot," You sighed contently as Hoseok laid his head on your chest between your breasts. You carded your fingers through his hair absentmindedly, admiring the silvery locks in the dim lighting of your bedroom.

"We should've done this forever ago. You look really sexy when you cum," Hoseok smiled against your skin, hugging you tightly. "Something that gorgeous deserves to be immortalized on film."

You frowned looking at the ceiling pensively, "I've never seen myself cum, I don't know whether you're right about that or not."

Hoseok picked his head up instantly, a slightly depraved smile on his face, "Wanna find out?"

#bts fic #bts smut #bts drabble #bts imagines #jung hoseok fic #hoseok x you #hoseok x reader #hoseok fic #jung hoseok smut #hobi drabble #hobi fic #j hope smut #j hope imagine #j hope x you #j hope x reader #j hope fanfic #hoseok smut #hoseok fluff

[ericspinkhair]

quarantine longings

pairing: best friend!kevin x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k

synopsis: you and your best friend have sex because quarantine made you horny

warnings: best friends to lovers, takes place during the pandemic, spoiler of 356 days (but not the end, just generally the plot), no use of condoms but only the pill, creampie, sexual fantasies, fingering, hand-job, sex, slight angst at the end if you squint

a/n: I would literally die for kevin, I love him so much. I'll be writing a multiple parts series about him after I'm done writing scenarios for every member first.

requests are open!

masterlist + requests

you slammed your foot hard against the wall and cursed in pain. you hopped on one foot to your bed, holding your other leg in agony and tasted blood as you bit your lip to keep the volume of your suffering groans in check. someone knocked on the door.

'are you okay?' your roommate asked concerned.

'no, leave me alone, kevin,' you croaked out. you wanted to suffer by yourself.

there was an awkward silence and then you heard him sigh. soon after, the door next to your room closed shut.

why were you so frustrated, one might ask? well, the pandemic was kicking your butt and you just couldn't take it anymore. when the news of the virus had first spread, no one thought it would become this serious. but suddenly everyone was walking around with masks and spent most of their time staying at home.

after graduating high school, you and kevin had decided to move in together for college because both of you were broke and couldn't afford to live alone. you had been best friends since middle school and had been convinced that it was a smart idea at the time.

and everything went smoothly for the first one and a half years. however, after not seeing anyone else since the start of the pandemic over a year ago, it became increasingly difficult to share an apartment, but not in the way one might assume. you were neither sick of each other nor did you fight a lot. to tell the truth, it was quite the opposite.

earlier, before you had kicked the wall in anger, the two of you had painted together. kevin was majoring in art and, since you didn't have anything better to do, you joined him while he did projects for his classes. you might have been majoring in journalism but you had always liked drawing and painting, even though you weren't particularly skilled. you were a naturally clumsy person, always tripping over air and dropping things. today you were hecticly moving around your hands while telling him about a stupid video you had seen and you accidently let go of the brush in your hand. it hit the side of kevin's face, leaving a wide splodge of red paint on his right cheek.

to get back at you, he jerked his paint brush and splattered some green color on your white shirt. you saw this as a challenge and soon both of you were both drenched in the colors of the rainbow, laughing hysterically on the floor, not caring that you were spreading the paint on the poor carpet.

you turned your heads to look at each other and you felt absolutely in peace. you loved this man and couldn't be more glad that it was him and not anyone else you were stuck with inside of this apartment.

he stood up to take off his stained shirt and your smile quickly faded off your face. your lips slightly parted and you couldn't help but stare at his now exposed biceps and abs.

your mouth watered and you felt heat pooling between your legs as you took your time to study his architecture. thoughts about how badly you wanted him to thrust into you while his strong arms held you up invaded your mind. you tried to shake them off but it was impossible.

occasions like this were slowly becoming a common occurrence for you.

having mostly stayed inside for over a year, also meant that you didn't have sex for that long. it's not like you were the horniest person on the planet but you still had needs that were being neglected. with kevin being home all the time you didn't even dare to masturbate, scared that he would be able to hear you through the frustratingly thin walls. you must have gone insane with all the lust building up inside you and that's why you suddenly craved to have sex with your best friend. this whole thing was destroying everything. it was hard to act normal when he was making you this nervous and heated but you tried to pretend that everything was fine anyway for the sake of your friendship.

that was the reason why you were angry and had hurt yourself. you hated the way you felt about your best friend and you hated the pandemic for not giving you an outlet to escape so you could recollect yourself.

what you weren't aware of was that kevin was no stranger to the exact same frustration.

he would need more than his ten fingers and ten toes to be able to count the amount of times he had to run to the bathroom to hide his boner because he had done so much as look at you bend over or stretch. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable but it was a challenge to try and calm down his hormones.

whenever he jacked off, images of you flashed through his mind; your sweet curves and pink lips drove him insane.

last week, you two were cooking together and you had asked him to get the salt. he stood behind you to reach for it on the highest shelf. he was forced to press his crotch against your butt cheeks and his dick hardened against his will. he quickly handed you the salt, excused himself and ran off before you could figure out what had happened.

he might not have known the cause of your sudden outburst but he sympathized with your fury because he had a lot of pent up anger towards covid as well.

he lay in his bed and tried to focus on the book he was reading but he couldn't tune out the groans coming from the room next to his. he cursed.

'stop it!' he was panicking as he saw a familiar tent forming in his pants. your sounds triggered some weird perverted part of his brain that sent signals right to his genitals. his dick was hardening and he saw no other solution to his problem than to give in to his subconscious desires.

he pulled down his pants just far enough so that his cock had enough room to spring out. it only needed a few strokes before it stood tall and angry. kevin pressed his head into his pillow and moved his hand fast. he wanted to get over with it quickly. he emptied his cum on his stomach while imagining your greedy little mouth being stuffed by his cock. he lay there panting as yet another round of shame flushed over him.

'get yourself together,' he whispered, mentally slapping himself.

***

'do you want to order japanese or italian?' you asked kevin. today was friday which meant it was time for your weekly tradition of ordering take out and watching a movie.

'definitely italian. we've already had japanese for the past four days. I need something else for a change,' kevin complained and shuddered at the thought of having to eat sushi again. the japanese restaurant prepared absolutely delicious food but he just couldn't stand it anymore.

you laughed at his pained facial expression. 'fine, italian it is.'

within twenty minutes the doorbell rang and after about half a minute kevin came back with two huge boxes.

he opened them on the small table situated in front of your couch and the smell of freshly cooked pasta seasoned with basil made your stomach growl.

kevin wanted to dig in already but you stopped him. you had to choose a movie first.

'let's watch tall girl. I saw everyone hate on it on tiktok,' you suggested.

'I think we should watch 365 days, that was all over my for you page as well,' kevin argued. you hadn't heard of it so you weren't sure whether it would be the right movie for you. the rule was that it had to be as bad as possible.

'according to what I have heard, it's apparently even worse than 50 shades of grey,' kevin added which piqued your interest. the both of you had watched 50 shades about two months ago and you were honestly shocked by how awful it actually was. you couldn't understand why everyone had been so obsessed with it when it was first released. if 356 days was really worse, then you'd hit the jackpot. you clapped your hands.

'fine, you win. I swear if the movie isn't as horrible as you say it is then you owe me something!' he intertwined his pinky with yours to promise.

watching horrible movies was way better than watching good ones. making fun of bad storylines, stupid characters or horrible editing was one of your favorite past times.

'I guess I'll have to add are you lost, baby girl to the top 10 worst lines ever spoken. who thought ah yes this is sexy, let's have him repeat it over and over again', you complained, shoving some pasta into your mouth.

'so he's like I won't do anything without your permission while he is literally groping her boobs against her will, like make it make sense, massimo', added kevin, ruffling his hair in frustration. he almost completely forgot about the food.

'so let me get this straight: he drugged her, kidnapped her, tied her up, hung up a painting of her just because he saw her face when his dad was shot?'

'totally relatable.' both of you giggled.

you were enjoying complaining about the plot. it was horrible.

there were plenty of erotic scenes but they were honestly so funny and kinda gross that you could bare it without really being affected by them. kevin, on the other hand, had placed a pillow over his hard-on to hide the embarrassing fact that these terrible, smutty scenes had turned him on.

and then the infamous boat scene came.

massimo and laura had a huge fight, she fell of the boat, he saved her and now she was suddenly so in love with him that she begs him to fuck her. which he does.

you felt your panties become increasingly wet as the couple had steaming hot sex.

'this is embarrassing but I'm so horny,' you admitted but in a way that should have suggested that you meant it as a joke. something about this statement stirred something in kevin.

'well, what can I say?' he replied and lifted the pillow. your pupils widened at the sight of your best friend's bulge.

his eyes darkened and he looked at you with lust clearly written on his face. you reciprocated his stare with the same intensity. you tried to focus on his dark brown orbs instead of his boner but the image you had just seen was present in your mind.

his gaze shifted to your lips and, before you knew it, kevin climbed above you and pressed your back flat onto the couch.

your lips locked and you immediately buried your hands in his hair to pull him closer. you moved in sync, his lips fitting perfectly onto yours. you bucked your hips up against his crotch and earned a moan from kevin. he opened his eyes in shock as realization hit him. he quickly pulled away and jumped off the coach.

'I'm so sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have just done that. I don't know what came over me,' he apologized profusely, staring at his feet. did he really think that you didn't want this?

'give me your hand,' you told him and held out your hand.

'why?' he raised his eyebrows in confusion. you rolled your eyes.

'just do it.'

you took his hand and led it to your crotch.

'what are you- oh my god.' your juices had completely soaked through your panties and your sweatpants. 'you are so wet.'

'for you,' you added. 'there's no need to apologize. I'm literally begging you to continue.'

you didn't have to say that twice before he pulled you closer to him by your hips and engaged you in another desperate kiss. his hands were groping your butt while you let yours slide under his hoodie. you felt his naked skin and toned abs, as you rubbed his stomach. you lowered your hands and bravely palmed his boner through his clothes.

'y/n,' he hissed out against your lips. you hooked your thumbs in the elastic of his pants and underwear, and pushed the material down to his thighs. he struggled to get them off.

you stroked his hard dick as he slipped his hand into your panties to massage your pussy at the same time.

he slipped one finger inside and began working it in and out. you finally were getting the relief you had been desperately craving for for so long. kevin was skilled and your walls were trying to swallow his slim finger. you were quickly coming close to your orgasm after having abstained for more than a year. you pulled his hand out.

'I bet you can make me come even better with your dick,' you challenged kevin.

'you bet I will.' he was confident.

'let me just look for a condom.' he was already turning away to go search in his room but you held him back by the arm.

'forget about it. I'm on the pill and I want you raw. I want you to come inside me and not spill into a stupid condom.'

the idea of this sounded very tempting to kevin. he picked you up and threw you back onto the couch, drawing your hips closer to him so he could pull off all the pieces of clothing that were hindering him from accessing your pussy.

he propped up his arms next to your sides and spread your thighs apart. strings of arousal were hanging from your folds and he saw your hole desperately clench around nothing. his dick hurt from how much he wanted to finally be inside of you. he wanted to find out how close he had been able to imagine how you would feel around him.

your hole took him in easily, welcoming him happily by embracing it tightly. kevin swore he could've cum right here and there.

he went slow at first to give you a chance to adjust but you were already fully ready, rocking your hips forward to meet his thrusts.

he crashed your mouths together and you kissed him like he was oxygen and you were short of air. you smiled and your eyes rolled back, satisfied with how things had played out today and the prospects of coming looked fairly promising.

desperate for release, kevin picked up the pace, his eyes closed while fucking into you like a horny animal. he couldn't help himself and all the 'faster's and 'harder's spilling from your mouth only encouraged him to drive himself deeper into you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso in an attempt to regain the control you were losing.

'fuck fuck fuck,' you cursed, feeling your muscles starting to contract. kevin brushed away some hair that was stuck to your sweaty forehead.

'it's fine, I'm coming too,' he announced and it took only a few more thrusts before a body shaking orgasm flushed over you, making you see only white. this drove kevin over the edge too and he spilled inside you, filling you up with his hot cum. he continued to slowly ease his dick in and out of you, fucking his semen right back into you until you had ridden out both of your orgasms. he let himself fall onto the couch right next to you, panting hard.

'I very much needed this,' you sighed in content.

'same, I wasn't sure whether I could hold out any longer without having a proper orgasm.' he watched his cum drip out of you.

'we should've thought of this sooner,' you said. 'this was a great idea.'

kevin hummed in agreement.

***

so now you and kevin were having sex on a regular basis, your high score being five times in a day. it felt good to finally live out your sexuality and not having to restrict yourself. sure, you guys did it more than necessary but it was a great way to pass time and it felt fucking amazing.

today you had done it in the shower after waking up, then on the kitchen counter and you had just finished having sex in his bed.

he was spooning you from behind, his cock still placed inside of you. he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

'stop, that tickles,' you chuckled.

'sorry.'

after a while of comfortable silence you heard him let out a big sigh.

'what's wrong?' you asked as he pulled out of you. you turned around to be able to look at him.

'I don't think I can do it like this anymore,' he confessed.

'what do you mean?' you asked. 'are you talking about us having sex?'

he nodded. your heart dropped and you started feeling dizzy. you tried to search for answers in his eyes but he avoided looking at you.

'w-why?' you stuttered, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in your eyes.

'it was amazing at first,' he started and finally raised his head to meet your gaze, 'and I went into it without much thought. I went crazy during quarantine and began fantasizing about having sex with you. then it became reality but now I understand that was probably wrong of me. I've always thought of myself as a gentleman, yet I slept with you without much thought. you see, my issue is this…'

suspense hung in the air and you were impatiently waiting for him to get to the point.

'I like you.'

you quietly gasped in surprise. you had been expecting him to say you were bad at sex and that he regretted everything but not this.

'I shouldn't be sleeping with you unless you were my girlfriend,' he finished off his ramble. you felt immensely relieved.

'do you want me to?' you asked him.

'want you to what?' kevin was confused. he had been a hundred percent sure you'd immediately jump out of the bed in disgust when he confessed.

'be your girlfriend. after all, I like you too, you moron.' you realized that you had known this for a while. you might have even been crushing on your best friend since way before the pandemic struck but it was kind of hard to track your feelings. still, you were sure you liked him too. now that he had admitted his feelings, you were able to admit yours not only to him but to yourself as well.

'wow, I didn't expect this,' kevin confessed surprised. you laughed.

'yeah, we should've realized this sooner.' he pulled you closer and kissed you. it was different than the other times. his lips moved softly against yours, in contrast to all of your rough and passionate kisses you had exchanged these past few weeks. he conveyed his emotions through the kiss.

'you're ready again?' you groaned as you felt kevin's dick harden against your upper thigh. he chuckled.

'sorry, you just turn me on so much.'

so then you did it for the fourth time. that day, you set a new record of having sex six times. you might have been happy now but still just as horny.

#kevin moon smut #kevin moon scenario #the boyz kevin smut #the boyz kevin scenario #moon hyungseo smut #moon hyungseo scenario #the boyz kevin moon smut #the boyz kevin moon scenario #the boyz hyungseo smut #the boyz hyungseo scenario #the boyz smut #the boyz scenario #kpop smut #kpop scenarios

[broadwayandnetflix]

Done - Bo Burnham x Reader

Warnings: Language 

Request:  can you make like something where bo gets mad and no fluff just pure angst

Theme: ANGST.

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: y’all I am so sorry about this one. but the lovely @asi-42 requested this and I really hope I delivered with the angst! more fics coming soon! 

How do you help someone who’s crumbling in front of you? How do you help them when they want nothing to do with you?

Or at least that’s what it felt like when you were dating Bo. You felt clueless, and the idea of helping him with whatever he was going through just didn’t seem doable.

His temper was heightened, and exhaustion practically clung to the man. It stuck to his hair, his ragged clothes, and his heart. You wanted to wring him of it all, pull him close, hold him tight.

Except, it didn’t seem like he wanted that, or not from you at least. That damn guest house making it seem as though the man was a million miles away from you.

Even when he was inside the shared house, his eyes never quite reached yours, his shoulders often tensed and uncomfortable. It broke your heart into two, seeing him pull away from you.

You had asked him what he wanted, what he needed from you. What you could do to help him, but all you would receive was silence.

Deafening silence.

Those once adoring blue eyes that used to be reserved for you, and only you. Now faded, dull, and drained. It made you hurt in ways you didn’t even know you could break.

But nevertheless, you loved him. Without question, you did, and of course, he loved you. He just had to be tired of you, tired of whatever thing you two were doing.

You wondered what you had done, what finally set off that flag in his brain. Did you lose your appeal? Did he find something else to bring him joy?

It definitely wasn’t that special that he was working on. Or maybe it was. You weren’t sure, but with each morning he left you to your own devices, you couldn’t seem to shake that thought.

Even at night when you saw the lights flashing through the window shutters, the muffled singing, and the discarded clattering of equipment.

You knew you didn’t stand a chance, that is, until it all went pitch black. Or the guest house did, for that matter.

You had been sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a glass of wine. Sometimes you felt pathetic waiting for something that was never gonna come.

Except you still held your breath, hoping that maybe he’d come in and give you a kiss. Praying that he’d touch you again, give you some form of love and care.

Anything, really.

Yet along with the darkness came the silence. Maybe Bo had used the pull-out bed was your first thought, or perhaps he was coming outside.

Yet still nothing.

That is until you had heard the sounds of what appeared to be muffled cries. A sound that sounded a little bit too real. You felt yourself rise out of your seat before becoming hesitant.

Should you go to him? Or was that gonna make things worse? You sighed. Why did you doubt the man you loved? Everything was gonna be okay; it’s Bo. Your Bo. The man who loved you.

You knocked on the door of the guest house awkwardly, hearing the scuffling of feet and sniffling. It made your heart drop a bit, realizing that it was real.

He really had been crying.

The door opens with a click, and you can briefly see some form of relief flicker in his eyes. Only for a second, as they hardened a bit, back to those lifeless blues that you had grown accustomed to.

“Yeah?” he croaks, leaning against the doorframe.

“Are you okay? I’m just getting worried about you sweetie.” you say, shifting your feet anxiously.

“No, yeah I’m fine. Just go back to bed, I’m just working.” Bo mutters, not even daring to meet your eyes.

“Are you sure?” you pry before his eyes snap up at yours.

“Are you daft? I said I’m fine, now please just let me get back to work please.” he barked, going to close the door.

Except something in him stops as he carefully looks down at you, with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher.

His figure practically looming over you; he had never made you feel so small. It almost made you jolt, and he had noticed. You could see him soften slightly before rubbing his hands through his hair.

He looked like an absolute stranger to you. This wasn’t your Bo; this was someone else.

Whether it was his hair absolutely disheveled, the bags hanging under his eyes. Or the unkempt beard that held onto his chin.

“I-I think I need a break.” he said quietly, after some time.

You felt yourself lighten up a bit, clearly from the fact that he was potentially putting his project at rest.

Yet his expression told you anything but that. A sigh escaped his lips as he tried to articulate the words to you.

“I need a break from us. I just can’t do this anymore. I can barely take care of myself, let alone you.” Bo’s words hung in the air.

They didn’t mean to hurt you; you knew he’d never intentionally hurt you. Except they did, he broke you.

This didn’t feel real. It certainly didn’t feel right, and you wanted to snap up from your bed. As if this was all some poorly designed dream and that Bo was still in love with you.

Except this wasn’t a dream, and Bo was still in front of you exasperatedly, trying to stand still.

It was like time had stood still, and your body, much like molasses, was stuck to the patio floor. Dwarfed by Bo’s taller figure, who was fidgeting, trying to figure out what to do with you.

“Okay.” you managed to whisper through your fog-like state.

“Okay?” he asks incredulously.

“Yes, Bo, Okay.” you reply matter of factly, the words bitter on your tongue.

His eyes darken just a tiny bit, giving you a flicker of annoyance. Clearly, he’d expected something more from you. A fit, maybe? Anything that would salvage the relationship.

“Fine, thanks for your understanding.” he scoffs as if he couldn’t believe you.

You honestly thought you had it in you too, to fight for the two of you, but much like Bo. The pandemic had worn you out; you were tired. Forcing someone to love you wasn’t on your list of priorities.

You took a step backward, away from the guest house. Away from Bo. Bo watching your every move, analyzing you like a fucking hawk.

It all stung. It did. The idea of losing Bo like this was downright devastating. Once the door to the house closed behind you, it hit you.

Tears stream rapidly down your cheeks as you try to cope with an empty house and relationship.

Bo had grown tired of you. Not his special, not the pandemic, you. Even if he wanted a break, what would happen then? Would he come back and be met with the same realization?

That you were just another box on his long list of priorities? Just being pushed off to the side, so he can check you off when it suits him best.

You placed whatever you could fit into a suitcase that you had used when the two of you went traveling. Your vision blurred with your tears while you tried to flee as quickly as you could.

Did you love him? Of course. Did you want him to be happy? Always. Except, it appeared that you wouldn’t be the person that would help him achieve everything he needed.

You shoved everything you could into your car and started it, giving yourself a second to breathe. Not even noticing as Bo stood by the window watching as you hit the gas and drove away from him, from your relationship.

Not allowing yourself to notice him wondering if he really did make a mistake. If he really did fuck up big this time.

#@broadwayandnetflix #bo burhnam #2021 #bo burnham x reader #bo burnham x you #angst #what #make happy #words words words #inside #Y’all I am so sorry. #this shit is SAD. #fanfic request

[oneoftheprettynerds]

Worth The Eternity: Dark! Bucky x Reader (Vampire AU + Mob AU + Soulmate AU)

This is for @cherienymphe’s 5K Twilight Renaissance Writing Challenge. Congratulations, keep slaying! I wrote this instead of studying, so pray for my paper please lmao.

A/N: This tired girl tried. 

WARNINGS: something between dubcon and noncon present. Triggering, darkish themes.

Summary of sorts: Ever seen Hotel Transylvania 1/2/3? In this AU, mythical creatures exist and have soulmates and you feel a zing if you are blessed enough to encounter them.

"Boss, we narrowed it down to these core three suspects.” A husky voice, slightly muffled by the sack on your head, entered your ears and you had a hard time being calm.

You had been picked up from your office, specifically the basement of Oscorp Industries while entering your sleek silver car. A pinch in your neck and everything comically blurred. Next thing you know, you are waking up with your entire body sore, your muscles and joints screaming and begging for freedom from tight restraints. Your vision is black, as if you are staring into an abyss and your vision is filled with white and red dancing spots forming patterns, maybe from the hours of inactivity.

Muffled noises of protest and scraping of metal against the concrete floor entered your ears and you realized you are not the only one here held captive. You racked your mind for possible explanations but couldn’t come up with one.

You lived a very simple life, even as the vice president of Oscorp industries. No messing around, no rivalries with other employees, no butting heads with the seniors on the Director’s board. Was this a ploy against the company? Or a domination statement against the weaker species, the humans?

Lucky enough for you, you realized you would soon find out as the sound of a shutter opening and metal clanking noisily filled your ears.

“Took you long enough, Scott. Fill me in.” Another brooding voice reprimanded jokingly and a million goosebumps traveled the path of your skin as you involuntarily shuddered.

“Yes Boss. We tracked the missing sum to the account of this man on the left. He has fourteen other accounts under different names and nationalities, pretty hard to trace but not impossible luckily. This proved he is shady so he’s most definitely involved.”

“This ginger on the right, he made the suspicious call with weird words so we believe he pretty much passed the verdict, calling the shots with the codewords. He has had several surgeries, his face is fucking silicon at this point but his DNA showed us his true identity, Mr. Rumlow here is the Consigliere of The Midnight Moon.”

You sat and listened, piecing together whatever you understood. The pack/mob name more than rung a bell, it scared you shitless. You were quick to catch on, realising that you were caught in an inter species scruffle.

“This shit just got interesting folks. Alright, where does Miss Sexy Legs fit in all this?”

The pencil skirt you wore wasn’t the most modest piece of clothing to exist and the spaghetti straps blouse was a bad choice considering the sheer coldness in this warehouse, the temperature only seemed to go down with the entry of your kidnappers but it’s not like you knew this was going to happen.

You could only assume with your legs on display that you were the one being sexualised and talked about.

“We are not sure about her though, that’s why I said suspects. We have proof the call was made from her phone but the videos show her lending it to a creepy stranger at a café. It might be really good acting but it’s highly unlikely. We brought her in because in the transfer of the stolen cash, her account was an intermediary but it’s a good chance that she was tricked when her phone was borrowed by Mr. Rumlow. Also, she’s a human, you see?”

If it was you being talked about, you felt a jot of relief, just a smudge because at least they were aware you weren’t involved in whatever game they were playing. That didn’t necessarily ensure your freedom, but hey, you were willing to take anything at that point.

“That’s the sweet fucking scent I keep on smelling!” The leader exclaimed as if he made a great discovery, a cure for a pandemic or cancer you’d think. His gruff voice almost had a light, cheery undertone to it, too unlike of a man who was wronged and cheated and was close to murdering someone no doubt. These mobsters are always maniacs like The Joker.

“It sucks that you brought her here. She might not be guilty, but now she knows too much. She’d make a good blood bag though. Maybe I’ll just have a taste, who knows?” The ‘boss’ made a disturbing slurping noise and your heart stopped at his words, a tear almost escaping your eye.

Discussion about drinking blood? You were most definitely in The Vamps territory, your assumption about the inter-species conflict true. You had no doubt you were the weakest in this creepy space, the frailest here, most probably the only human.

“Show me the bastards’ faces.” Like the flip of a switch, the joking man swapped his personality and all but growled. You heard the ripping of cloth and a man gagging, his shrieks muffled. Another flurry of movements and another man retching on the fabric could be heard.

“Well, hello Mr. Rumlow. I must say, brown suited you better.” A horde of chuckles made you widen your eyes, even though only black still filled your vision, as you realised there were at least a dozen twisted, sick men in the room. The fact that they were silent as fuck till now only showed you how disciplined and regimented these soldiers were.

“This one has a pretty face, boss.” You felt the sack ripped off you, and your eyes closed with the sudden flooding of the lights. Your eyes sealed due to hours of inactivity and you kept them shut, afraid to face your tormenter.

A cold hand cupped your cheek and straightened your face that was trying to hide itself in your silky locks by curling in your own neck, the cool metal of rings and insanely icy fingers chilling you literally.

“Open your eyes sweetheart.” A voice called out behind you and you gathered enough courage to face your impending doom, the air as silent as the calm before a storm.

Your orbs opened and gazed into piercing sapphire blue eyes and everything behind this chiseled face blurred. You could swear a ring of pink and red passed over his eyes and you shuddered again, getting overwhelmed due to the eye contact yourself. This wasn’t the usual anxiety you felt while meeting new people, it was somehow both a pull and a push. An inviting comforting pull and a terrifying, ‘stay cautious' push.

You, a self-sufficient woman, who had been independent for as long as you could remember, suddenly felt half; incomplete in a way that you couldn’t fathom. You felt an attraction, a tug towards the man in front of you, and the absurdity of the thoughts and emotions that popped in your brain made you heave on the gag.

Your intellect couldn’t find a reason, your view on love and romance until now completely conflicted. You believed soulmates to be separate pieces of art that complemented each other when together; then what was this broken jigsaw puzzle sentiment you were having now?

Your wide eyes somehow managed to break free of his stare, panicking and looking around to observe, which wasn’t comforting in the least as men with guns and gadgets filled your vision. You were relatively unharmed in comparison to the beaten lads beside you, one with a bruised face and the other with a bloody one.

The handsome man, the Boss’s stare didn’t leave you through the entirety of your searching around, you were sure they saw you as a scared little rabbit, waiting out its inevitable death.

“Lost in her eyes, Boss?” The sideman cracked what he believed to be the funniest joke in existence, earning laughs of the horde of the soldiers around.

 Your eyes went to the Boss’s face, surprisingly when his left your face to glare a nasty stare on his trusted man. His muscular form raised the forelimb, his hand signaling to stop, that effectively quietened the room to a pin drop silence.

With gentle fingers, the man took off your gag and yours lips quivered, throat too dry to make a noise though. You greedily gulped the air through your mouth for whatever reason, maybe just to move your jaw after hours of inactivity.

Maintaining eye contact was challenging, arduous to say the least. It seemed as if he could read you, find everything about you there is to find by studying the flecks in your orbs. His delicate hands, loosened the ties and you were now more so confused, along with the trepidation.

Just what the fuck was going on?

Bucky had almost lost hope, centuries on this planet and no one to love and cherish, no personal confidante, no soulmate. But good things take time, right? And in his opinion, best things take an eternity. He knows this now.

Expect the unexpected was the truest phrase, idiom whatever it was, in this moment. He had spent countless nights wondering about his soulmate, was she pretty? Ugly? Was she even a she or not? Dumb or witty? He made a lot of scenarios of how they’d meet, the kids, reigning together. He entertained the idea of her being from a different species, a nymph, an orc, maybe a werewolf?

And now that he found her, it was a revelation, a surprise honestly. After all optimism got evaporated, after traveling the dark tunnel for centuries literally, there she was, his beacon of light. Finding her was a wonder, and her being a human was astonishing, a possibility he somehow failed to consider, but he was over the moon cause there she was, right in front of him now. A beautiful, stunning lady in flesh and blood, human flesh and blood, with the prettiest eyes he had ever seen. His zing.

He always liked humans, apart from the similar appearances the vampires shared with them, they were always docile and accommodating. In the last few millenniums, after the mythical creatures showed themselves to the world, the humans understood their place and tier pretty early.

They were smart to surrender and be peaceful as all the species came to light, clever to know that even with less numbers they could be overpowered and bloodshed was detrimental to all involved.

He knew he would convert you soon though, your lifespan far too short for his liking, and obviously, now that he found you, you were to rule together. For Centuries.

His happiness was over taken by the realisation that you were not in the most hospitable settings, you were tied and strapped, being preyed on by his men. He made quick work of the restraints, allowing you to breathe by loosening them first. Your scared, trembling form plucked his unbeating heart’s strings, but strangely enough, his brain found amusement and he felt smug. Seeing you tied up and trembling was definitely a turn on for him, noted.

After commanding his foolish men to stop giggling, he leaned closer to you, your aura comforting and intoxicating as he smelled your hair. A divine scent, an addictive one for sure. The goosebumps on your skin confirmed the reciprocation of his connection.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” His husky voice, calming but imposing resonated in your ears, his hand tapping your cheek on the other side. Even though the private statement was whispered for you, the deafening silence made every person witness it.

He leaned back, his hands behind his back as he grinned, tone again light like earlier and commanded, “Get her out of here and cleaned up, tell Nat and Wanda, they’ll know what I mean. Then we’ll deal with these guys here, after the lady leaves of course. No scratch on her from this point forward or you’ll lose a limb. Proceed.”  

All three of you, the hostages were going to get ‘taken care of’ but in different ways.

It had been over twenty hours for sure, you were abducted in the early hours of the morning and now the moon was out again, like one endless night. You remember being escorted to a sleek black car; your limbs ached but you managed to keep up. You tried to keep up with the car’s turns, trying to memorize the streets but your head was pounding and eyes were blurry.

You remembered being led to a suite in an expensive hotel like ones where your conferences were held, being taken to room and given towels to clean up. You didn’t change the dress when given another, the attire being a summer dress even shorter.  A woman came a while later named Wanda who checked the forming light contusions and scuffed skin with hands so delicate, as if you were precious cargo. You were, you just didn’t know.

You didn’t eat anything they provided and after hours of conspiring and overthinking, you heard sturdy footsteps. Since your arrival, only women bothered with you, probably the ones the leader sent. But these were heavier, harder.

The door opened and you glanced up to find the leader who demanded your locking up in this fancy place, his eyes travelling on your form sat up on bed, as you mindfully pulled your skirt down. You were anxious the entire day, dreading your future but nothing was like the restlessness that ran through you in this person’s presence.

Maybe it was the fact he was a vampire, or the leader of a Mob or maybe both, but whatever it was he intimidated you, alarmed you, even though you’ve had only two encounters including the present one. You were smart to be scared, he looked at you like, like you were something to eat, your mind told you.

“Hey.” His raspy voice caught you off guard, not having heard a single syllable out of the women the entire day, your questions being ignored the entire time.

You stared at him warily. Your mind having a myriad of emotions and thoughts. You didn’t want to trigger him, besides the place being armed well, he was a vampire, a beefy one at that and you would be stupid to try anything. Shouting and making a scene was no good either, your best option being the lamest one: to talk it out. You refused to become a willing blood bag.

You let out a long sigh, surprising him somehow, “Look, I have money, resources in the business sphere, information, what do you want? I know I got caught in this by accident, but I’m willing to do a lot of things to get out. Name it and I’ll do my best.” You said with your ‘business deal’ voice, the wise, guiding leader voice from your office.

For some reason though, the man found it hilarious. He slapped his hand on his chest, his boisterous laugh echoing. It wasn’t that good a joke if he believed it to be one. Men, ever so condescending.

“Humans, ever so gluttonous. I don’t want your money, precious.” His term of endearment didn’t fall short to your ears, but you had larger things in play here than a sweet nothing.  

“I have other things to offer, name it.” Within your moral sphere, of course.

“You still don’t get it, do you? And you humans boast you have everything figured about us.”

He neared you and you leaned to the inner area of the bed, refusing to get cornered to the wall if things escalate and wanting to have the option of running away, probably in vain though. With each step he took, a new shudder ran through you because of the closing distance between your bodies, it getting triggered in unexplainable ways.

You didn’t need to say words to prompt him to explain, your scrunched eyebrows already doing that mission. “You should feel it too, you know? The goosebumps, the bewilderment in your insides, you’re intoxicated by my very presence too, aren’t you?”

The more he neared, your breaths quickened visibly, his words becoming truer. Your skin heating, mind losing a bit of consciousness. His presence didn’t affect you to this extent in the warehouse, but now? You were putty, almost incapable to think. You tried to roll over to the other side but your plan failed because he caged you with his bulky hands on your shoulder, body diagonal across yours. With how slow and out of it you were, he didn’t even need his heightened speed to trap you.

“Oh, it’s kicking in, isn’t it? The realization, the surge of love and lust? To be held and cherished and be full of me?” He smirked at your trembling form, your chest heaving and weak arms trying to push him off.

“I’ve read humans feel flushed, hot, so let’s get you out of these scraps, yes?” He slid off the thin straps while you mumbled a very unconvincing ‘stop’. Both actions were pretty pointless because he wouldn’t stop, you both knew that and also, he ended up taking the top off over your torso the normal way.

Your hands barely managed to land themselves on his wrist to pull them off, but the foolish limbs ravished in the feel of his cold skin instead. It was like a high you had never experienced and your body wanted more. It was already addicted to the feel of this stranger whose name you didn’t even know.

He unzipped the skirt, your pathetic body no longer even fighting him as he rambled on. “Among us vampires, well not much to tell but we’re all freezing cold when we find our ‘zing’. Like every normal day. Except for the inability to think and the need for their mate’s blood, of course.”

He came back up to kiss you, his body now in line with yours as one hand held your cheek and the other groped your breast. You had an out of body experience, feeling disgusted for reciprocating the kiss but also wanting more of that, more of him.

He trailed down your neck to your collarbone and you gasped for air, your thoughts incoherent. He kissed between the valley of your breasts, removing the bra sometime in between as you heaved. He wanted nothing more than to rest in those swells for an eternity.

As soon as cold air hit your nipples, one was being sucked while other was being pinched. The nameless stranger alternated between licking like a kitten and sucking like a baby on the breasts. Your rational part felt gross but the dominating side was the one experiencing delight.

He kissed down the sternum, to your bellybutton and then hovered above the thin, flimsy underwear. His hands slid down your sides, down the curve of your waist and hooked themselves at the cloth’s side, pulling them down in a swift motion.

Your legs quaked, trying to close themselves but one muscular arm on your thigh was able to hold them off, throw one away from the other. He leaned down and you were pathetically still under his muscles, your lower limbs either not daring to move or not wanting to.

You wrapped your hands around your torso to hide a bit of yourself, but did that really matter in the larger picture of the events unfolding right now?

You closed your eyes, tears already escaping since minutes ago as you tried to accept the reality of what was happening. A cold sensation on your little button caught you off guard; an infinitesimal fraction of time later, an inhale reached your ears.

You looked down, opening your eyes to find the man smelling you, his Grecian nose poking through your folds and taking in sniffs of your intimate part.

“Please sto-”      

“The scent at its source, so fucking divine. I want a taste.” With that, your sentence got interrupted by his words and then by his action as his tongue licked away. It sucked on the bead, delving in the cavity there pretty fucking deep and he slurped away like he pretended to do when you were blindfolded.

Your back arched like a gymnast, hands that were folded across your chest clawing at your own skin, leaving marks behind. His hands were hooked around your thighs and they threw your legs on his shoulder some point in between. When he thrusted three fingers at once, an audible wheeze left your lips, your noiseless gasps now hoarse ‘Aah’s and you could feel him smirk.

There a also a lot of teeth involved with his razor sharp canines that appeared out of nowhere during this and when he thrusted his fingers particularly hard with his teeth nibbling on your sensitive bud, you shamelessly let go of the inside flow.

It felt humiliating and mortifying, your body glowing with the aftereffects of descending into bliss while your mind wanted to cry. Your soul was surprisingly content with what unfolded, at peace. You hated the diversity of emotions you felt, revolted to find even a bit of positive sentiment at your assaulter’s actions.

While your inner monologue happened, the man got up and out of his clothes painfully quick. You tried to sit your up, feebly trying to escape but ineffectively so. Your eyes couldn’t meet the handsome stranger’s nor did you want to see him naked and removed him form your eyeline, making you get caught off guard when his hands wrapped around your ankles and pulled you down, finishing the small distance you managed to crawl up.

His hands left their place as he kissed his way back up your flushed skin, from the swell of your ankle to the swell of your stomach. He licked away the drops of blood around the crescent scratches left by your nails under the intense ecstasy he forced upon you. Then he continued his journey from the swells of your chest to the swell of your cheek, taking you in a fiery, needy yet affectionate kiss.

Your surroundings blurred a second into the kiss, mouth and skin hungry for his touch alike. A thrust had you painfully gasp as you were stretched unlike ever before, impaled to a depth unlike ever before. He kissed away your tears that continued to spill on command of your ashamed mind and leaned back to look into your eyes, a pretty pink passing over them for a fleeting second.

His blue orbs bore into yours and you almost believed he loved you by the intensity of his gaze. At this moment in time, nothing but you two mattered, connected and finally together. How you got here didn’t matter, how unwilling you were didn’t matter. This felt right, felt necessary and was worthy of everything you went through. The rational part seemed to die the instant you two physically connected and somehow, everything and nothing made sense.

But you felt complete.

Your lips captured his of their own accord, and you both smiled into the caress of your lips while he began thrusting, one hand on your waist, the other supporting his weight. Out of breath, he leaned back, still thrusting though, and gazed at you. “Scott back there, he called you pretty, that’s practically an insult. The way you look right now, you’re much more than beautiful. You’re ethereal, my Zing, the loveliest in existence.”

His genuine words tugged at your heart. For some reason you believed him, had confidence in his feelings. Your foreheads connected as he quickened, his hand caressing your skin, the cool against your warm skin soothing. It didn’t take long for you to let go again this time; your previous resolution already dissolved. He neared your ears and whispered, “I want you to scream my name. It’s Bucky.” You nodded absentmindedly, chasing the high.

One particular thrust paired with his canines piercing your skin made you cry out “Bucky!” and you felt him smirking in your neck, lapping the blood. You wilted in bliss and your eyes closed, warmth filling you minutes after. Your eyes were dazed and you felt ‘Bucky’ shift, removing his towering frame from you, a goofy smile on the chiseled face.

With mind free of the aforementioned disapproving thoughts, you checked out his handsome face. It was like you saw him in an entirely different light now.

He gave you a quick peck, his hands cradling your face and he spoke with the utmost sincerity. “You are worth the wait, precious. No measure of time with you will be long enough. But we’ll start with forever to compensate. I’m never letting you go.”

#ray writes #author ray #dark bucky #dark bucky barnes #Dark Fic #dark mcu #dark! bucky #dark! bucky barnes #dark bucky x reader #dark! bucky x reader #vampire #vampire au #mob #mob au #vampire bucky #dark vampire bucky #dark vampire #mob bucky #dark mob bucky #dark mob

[lilacsandwhiskey]

I’m currently obsessed with tiktok and tom holland so I’m obsessed with imagines about both. i think it would be cute if you do a tiktok trend with the boys but like the world doesn’t know about reader and Tom so people are shipping her with one of the guys? like from the tiktok? Tom maybe gets jealous or something ? idk i’m rambling haha

Thanks for the request anon :) I hope this was okay!

Heartbreak Anniversary

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: mentions of pandemic and COVID, cussing, maybe suggestive at points???, angst, jealous Tom, uhhh sucky writing and no proofreading so bare w ya girl n kinda longer than I anticipated but here we are :)

Notes: italics = flashback

If someone asked you how you managed to get a life as crazy as your’s, you’d simply reply “just meet Harrison and become best friends.” You almost couldn’t fathom what your life looked like right now - you sat in the kitchen with your two friends, Harry and Tuwaine, who had fallen into the pits of TikTok with you, while Harrison, Sam, and your beloved, Tom, sat in the living room, screeching at the television as they watched a game. All of this, while in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.

You didn’t officially live with the boys, but you might as well have. Your apartment was only minutes away, but with how communal your living situation was, Tom simply talked it over with his brothers and best friends, who didn’t even hesitate to scream yes when he asked if you could stay there. It was “safest,” he explained when he begged you to come stay for a while. So you did.

How did we get here? It all started with a little project, Harrison Osterfield, and him playing cupid.

——————————

“Clumsy, are we?” Harrison managed to balance you as you tripped over your own two feet, walking into the studio. “What makes you think that?” You huffed back, a small laugh escaping your lips. “Just get that vibe.” He replied, shrugging with a smile.

It didn’t take long for you and Harrison to practically become the best of friends. He soon was inviting you out to drinks with his friends, who immediately accepted you. Though you and Harrison’s friendship was strictly platonic, you found him itching to find out about your relationship status. “Should I even wonder, Harri?” “I mean, no. I’m just curious.” “I thought I told you before I’m not interested in a relationship right now.” You said, glaring at him with a smile. “I didn’t ask that, I was just curious. So anyway, are you coming to the pub tonight? I’m dying for you to meet my friend, Tom.” The excitement in his voice was too much to understand, but instead of questioning, you just replied with a yes.

There you were, walking through the doors of the pub at 8pm sharp. Your eyes finally spotted familiar faces who were calling out to you. You followed suit, inching your way to the booth at the back. “Y/N!” They called, urging into hugs. “Hi everyone!” You replied, taking a seat. Tuwaine was already scooting over your favorite drink towards you. “Told you we’d always take care of you! Anyway, we’re celebrating tonight. Tom’s back home!”

Your eyes landed on the curly-haired boy who had a gentle smile playing on his lips. “No need for anything big, I’m just glad to be surrounded by my favorite people.” Tom said. “Nice to meet you finally, Y/N. Glad to finally put a face to the name.” Tom held a hand out, gripping tight to yours as he shook it. Little did you know, Tom was well-aware of what your face looked like. He hadn’t been able to stop scrolling through your social media pages after Harrison had posted a picture of you, him, and Tuwaine on his story during a night out.

———————————

“So who’s this girl you’ve been posting?” Tom said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible during this conversation with his bestfriend. “Y/N, I thought I’d mentioned her to you.” Harrison said through the phone. “I don’t believe you have, are you like…” “No, no, dude, you know I’ve been talking to Grace.” “I know, but I was just worried my best friend had moved on without telling me!” “You know I would. No, she’s just a friend, we met during a project. Grace actually loves her, and so does everyone else - including your brothers. Have they not told you about her?”

Tom tried to think back to his conversations, only briefly hearing mentions of your names when he’d ask what they’d been doing. He couldn’t help but scroll through your pictures, soaking up every aspect of your life, well, only what you displayed. You had a dog, bingo. You seemed to be funny by the way you captioned your pictures, good. You seemed to have fun, love your family, and live a life that perfectly reflected how Harrison had described to him after he had came to the realization that Tom had already began crushing on you just by what he’d started telling him and the way you portrayed yourself.

Tom begged Harrison to be his wingman. Harrison practically scolded him the first few times. “I don’t want you to mess up this friendship.” “She’s not just a fling, Tom.” “Can’t you just be friends first?” Tom would settle for the last comment. “Fine, introduce us.”

————————————

Your conversations with Tom seemed so effortless that night. With too much alcohol in your system, you found yourself completely flustered by how pretty he was with his glazed eyes, rosy cheeks, and the constant giggles escaping his lips.

Though nothing ever happened that night, you found yourself spending more and more time with Tom in the coming weeks. Harrison didn’t mind as his relationship was truly flourishing with Grace. Weeks later, Tom had finally kissed you out of the blue and it changed everything. He was leaving for a few more weeks for filming, and instead of gaining the guts to make it official that night, he waited until he came back. It was the first thing he asked you when you reunited.

But, it wasn’t as simple as that. The logistics, the orchestrating, there was so much planning involved with what felt like should just be simple. Tom had fans, and sometimes they weren’t so nice. Tom wanted to protect you in every way possible. Though it was obvious you’d been hanging with the guys, since some of them had posted you, you had just figured that if you went out in public, you’d all go together and you couldn’t spend too much time just next to Tom. Posts were limited, it was all planned to a T. But you didn’t mind, because Tom made you happy and you knew it was for the best.

For a while, you did long distance. Your relationship had been based off of late night or early morning FaceTime calls, quick calls in between breaks, and short text messages throughout the day. It was hard but worth it. But this last time didn’t last near as long as others.

When word of COVID swept through the news, the world became frantic in all aspects. When everything began going into lockdown, Tom was sent straight back home from filming.

———————————

Laughter erupted between Harry, Tuwaine, and you. Tuwaine had showed you a both a video on TikTok he came across of a girl dancing in the midst of her friends to the song Heartbreak Anniversary. Though her coordination was obviously great, it was the reactions and how aggressive she was doing the dance that made it so funny.

As if on cue, Tom, Harrison, and Sam walked into the kitchen, Harrison mentioning that they couldn’t hear their program over their laughing. That’s when they found themselves gathered around the phone, joining in the laugher.

“I think we should recreate it. I think Y/N should learn the dance and be in the middle. It’ll be too good.” Harry said. “Me?” A nervous laugh escaping your lips. “For sure, we learn dances so fast, you’ll have it down in no time.” Harry was right - over the last few months, you’d formed certain hobbies with each of the boys. You had became just as close with them as Tom was, and one thing you and Harry found yourselves doing often was learning dances in the backyard, most likely disrupting the neighbors from your obnoxious cussing and laughter.

After protesting the dance, the guys had won and you were now practicing the dance. You felt so dumb, you couldn’t help but laugh. You didn’t allow the boys to see it so that when you videod, it would be their fresh reactions. And that’s what it was -

The boys circled around you, ready to endure the dancing. Right before, Tom had pulled you aside and reiterated not focusing that much time on him, though he wanted you to. You agreed, understanding the circumstances considering the world still was unaware of your relationship. To everyone else, you were just some friend that came to hang out every now and then.

So when the music started, you kept that little rule in the back of your mind. You tried to spend enough time with each, trying to make them laugh which definitely worked. You added your own flair to the dance, leaning back towards each of them, causing them to spit out laughter. You still found a moment with Tom, because it’d be too obvious that you were not trying to be obvious if you didn’t (haha).

Afterwards, the guys laughed over your shoulder as they watched their own reactions. “You killed that!” Sam exclaimed.

Hours later, you all sat in the living room, engrossed in your own thing - television, telephone, reading, someone was doing something. That’s when Tuwaine busted out laughing. “Shit, these comments are ruthless!” “Hmm?” You said, not even thinking to go check on the video you’d posted. When you opened up the app, Tom was looking over your shoulder to look for himself.

“Yeah, Harrison and Y/N are def fucking”

“Y/N and Haz 👀👀👀”

“Look at the way Haz looks at her 😍 obvi in love”

The comments continued. You cocked your head, watching back at the video. There was nothing much different between your interactions other than he was laughing the most - but that was just Haz. You shook your head, laughing as everyone but Tom joined it.

“Dang, Y/N, didn’t know we cared so much about each other!” Harrison said, giggling. “Right, just so in love!” You jokingly fell back into the couch, but soon noticed that Tom was barely participating in the jokes. Instead, he was leaning back, barely cracking a smile, even when you tugged his arm. You tried to shake off his reaction, not expecting him to actually be upset.

—————————

“I think I’m going to shower, wanna join?” You pulled out some sweatpants from the drawer that you’d claimed. “Why don’t you go ask Harrison?” You stopped dead in your tracks. “Excuse me?” Tom stayed silent. A nervous laugh escaped your lips, in hopes that his words were only joking but the straight face he was giving, along with no eye contact, made it clear that he was not joking.

“Are you being serious right now?” You asked quietly. You felt yourself beginning to get upset, considering you had never given him a reason to believe that for one, you’d ever cheat, and for two, that you and Harrison had ever had sex. He was well aware of the friendship that you had before Tom came along, and not only was it strictly platonic, but Grace had been in the picture the whole time.

Tom finallt replied with a shrug, which elicited rolling eyes from you. “You’re unbelievable.” You slammed the door to the bedroom, slamming the bathroom door across the hall. It may have been absurd, but in that moment you honestly were shocked. You and Tom had never really argued about something like this before - it just never showed itself as a problem. It wasn’t like you hadn’t been rumored dating each one of the boys before anyway, you didn’t know what was different.

Harrison had obviously heard the slamming of the doors, including the other boys who surrounded him. Sam pushed the television, looking around at the group, who was already exchanging looks. “Nose goes.” Tuwaine said, instantly pinning his finger to his nose, the rest of the boys following. Harrison was the last to reach his nose. “Aw, come on. You know this is probably about me.” Harrison whispered. “Guess you gotta find out.” Harry replied, shrugging.

Harrison slowly made his way to Tom’s room, slowly knocking before opening the door. Tom was laying on the bed on his phone, seeming that he was not phased by the events that seemed to have just occurred. “Tom?” “Hmm?” “What’s going on?” Harrison asked, inching closer to the bed.

Tom laid his phone on his chest with a smirk. “Why don’t you go find out?” “Seriously, Tom? Are we twelve right now?” Harrison huffed back, crossing his arms. When Tom didn’t reply, Harrison felt like tugging his hair out. It wasn’t very often that the two lads argued, but Harrison honestly couldn’t believe that THIS is what the argument was about this time.

Harrison made it clear time and time again before Tom and you had started dating that you two had been platonic from the beginning. Harrison loved you like a sister, but never anything more. Tom was well aware of that - so he didn’t understand why he was lashing out?

“Look, mate. I don’t know why you’re acting like this, but I can guarantee you, that if you keep on, Y/N isn’t going to like it. You have no right to take it out on her. You know she wouldn’t do that to you in a million years, hell, you know I’d never do that to you in a million years. If you want to be mad, be mad at me, though you have no true reason to be. Fans make assumptions all the time. You can’t possibly be upset when you’re the one who continues to vow her as a secret to the world. You orchestrate every plan with her to make sure that it looks like you’re not dating, so yeah, people might get skeptical. I’m sorry that you’re feeling insecure right now, but you have no right to accuse her of anything.” Harrison had no intentions of giving a speech, but he knew that it had to be said. Tom just looked at him, and for the first time, Harrison couldn’t get a read on him.

Harrison made his way out of the room, almost colliding with you as you came out of the bathroom. Harrison gave you a sympathetic smile before going back to the living room. Confused as to what had just happened in Tom’s room, you took a deep breath before opening the door. There was no doubt that you were still upset, but you also were bothered about the fact that this came so suddenly. Or had it? Had he been so skeptical before and you’d just never caught on? How could he not trust you?

As you walked in, Tom laid on his side away from you. You let out a small sigh, placing your dirty clothes in the hamper and walking over to the bed. “Tom?” No answer. “Can we talk?” Though you couldn’t see around him, Tom squeezed his eyes shut at those words. He finally turned over. “Hey.” You said. “Hey.”

You assumed an apology would come after that, but it never did. You tried to be reasonable. “I get it.” “Hm?” “I get it. I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this. I can’t say there haven’t been times I’ve gotten a little jealous or scared or insecure when you’re miles and miles away. But I’m right here. You have nothing to worry about.” “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted that way towards you.” “It’s okay, but you have to trust me. We’ve been together over a year now and this conversation has never came up. Why now?”

Tom took a minute to gather his words. He let out a slow shaky breath. “I don’t know how to put it into words. When I’m away, I long to be back home with you. It seems so simple to know that I get to home and you’re here for me. So, now that I’m home for longer than a week, I recognize that you have developed these amazing friendships with people who can be here for you more than me, and sometimes it just feels unreal that I have you - like I don’t deserve you. I just love you so much that the thought of you being with someone else ever hurts me, and I think that’s why the comments got to me so much this time. Y/N, I think I’m ready to tell the world. I’m tired of keeping you a secret. I want to show the world you’re mine, I want to be the one they make those comments about. Ridiculous, huh?” Tom let out a small chuckle and shook his head.

You grabbed his hands, shaking your head. “Babe, if it weren’t for Harrison, we wouldn’t be here. The relationships I’ve grown with everyone is over our shared love of you. We are so grateful that we can be altogether in each other’s presence and enjoy it because we all have a shared love. You’re so important to all of us, and that’s just how it works. I’m ready to tell the world if you are. I’d love nothing more than to finally call you mine publicly… and maybe go on a date outside of our backyard when this pandemic ends.” You say with a grin. He pulls you on top of him, laying a slow kiss on your lips. “You’re so important to me. Let’s show the world how much.”

#tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland x reader