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#this was so difficult for absolutely no reason
cursedvida · 1 day
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Mae being absolutely pissed off because Noa should be mad at her and yelling or trying to threaten or do something to her, but instead, he just asks if they could ever live in peace someday. Like, why, after everything that happened, is he still a good guy? Can't he just give her reasons for everything she believes and has been taught to still make sense? Does he really have to make it so difficult for her? I imagine her feeling terribly frustrated, angry, and at the same time moved and guilty. Someone please give this girl a break because she's dealing with too many emotions in a world where benzos no longer exist—please, a little mercy.
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smuttysabina · 1 day
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When Editing Goes Wrong
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(Pokimane's Editor (You) x Pokimane, 3.3k Words) Tags: Excessive masturbation, gooning, sex surprisingly enough, anal sex, oral sex, foot sex, butt sex, obsessive behavior, a stunningly brave tale about the perils of editing for your masturbation material, absolutely degenerate behavior all around, also like damn dude you really couldn't resist telling her huh? Current events, breeding
You had done it, you had acquired your dream job, being the video editor for your favorite streamer; there was just one small problem, an afterthought really, an understatement. You were totally and utterly addicted to every inch of Pokimane's body. Her luscious hair, her gorgeous eyes, her perky lips, her smooth skin, her bodacious breasts, her toned arms, her delicate hands, her smooth stomach, her shapely hips, her puffy mound, her thick thighs, her tempting feet, so perfectly shaped and formed and begging to be licked- Oh dear, you did it again, another hour gone and several tissues filled. You were supposed to be taking Poki's raw, uncut footage and removing all the parts those filthy gooners would enjoy too much, obviously some slightly erotic shots would be left in to titillate them, but not enough to make her haters online accuse her of being a slutty tease. The issue was that there was simply too much delicious content to sort through, and you were unable to resist slamming your meat for hours on end to all of the content she was sending you. You would hump your hand for hours on end to your own private compilations of lewd moments, groaning Pokimane's name as you worshipped her in the only way you knew how. Of course, this made getting videos and vlogs out on time somewhat difficult, since editing actually public-friendly videos did in fact take some time, so things were getting to the point where you might have to start asking for extensions...
You sweat nervously as you hurriedly type out a message to Poki, explaining to her that you would be unable to get her video out this week, that you had hit some unexpected snags while cutting down her content. Nothing to be worried about of course, just a normal hazard of splicing together all of those disparate clips, you should have the vlog out in time by next week, for sure! Your typing is made a touch more difficult by the fact that you were doing so one-handed, even messaging your goddess got you all worked up. Her response of course, is as kindly and supportive as always, "No worries, these things do happen! I am looking forward to receiving the vlog by Wednesday of next week." Next Wednesday? You look at your calendar and groan in despair, it was going to be hard to fit editing time into your schedule with all the gooning you had been planning on doing... But you managed it, somehow. The thought of disappointing your goddess, as arousing as that was, had goaded you into putting the effort in, and you had made what you knew was a masterpiece. You smile proudly as you send the vlog to Poki, you were sure her fans would love it, and they did! "Good job on that last video Editor, that extra time sure helped, didn't it?" Your goddess praises you, so of course you have to hump your hand in celebration, you finish several times to that simple sentence.
The next few weeks pass by without much incident, with you throwing together videos in time for the deadline while still blasting rope to Pokimane constantly. Your videos had been doing extremely well judging by the viewer-count, your subtle blend of inside jokes and community memes with vaguely provocative shots had been largely popular with the fanbase. Of course, you kept the most delectable cuts to yourself, so while those degenerate coomers online were filling their pants to some risque stills, you were pumping furiously to the good stuff. The editing for the upcoming week's video was running into some blockages however, since for whatever sadistic reason Poki had chosen to include almost half an hour's worth of video pointed down at her bare feet as she wanders around her apartment chattering away. You had been unable to resist such potent stimulation, and had been beating your meat almost continuously to her feet. So lost in your lusts were you, that when Poki messages you, you feel inclined to answer honestly, "What's the hold up on next week's video? Its almost Sunday and I haven't gotten it yet?" Your orgasm-fried brain misfires as you try to conceive an excuse, but the thought of telling her the truth is simply too exciting to resist. So you tell Poki that you had been too busy blasting rope to her perfect feet, pumping and edging to her delicate toes and smooth soles so much that you were unable to fit in any editing. You climax when you hit send, obliterating several tissues as you end your hours-long session with a catastrophic orgasm; then of course you realize what you had done, and start panicking. Not that you should have worried though, as Poki swiftly responds, "Understandable, but please try to stop jacking off long enough to do your job." Suitably chastened, you comply; but not before squeezing another fap in.
Over the next month, you start to notice a subtle change in the content Pokimane sends you. Whereas before the more sensual shots would go by swiftly, now she seemed to... linger a bit on certain areas. Normal people would not have perceived this development, but as someone who had spent the past year consuming endless hours of her content, it was obvious. Poki would now spend on average an extra second giving you a view down her bodice, show off her meaty ass for just a little longer, playfully flex her toes before moving onto something else. Of course, you react to this novel situation by offering her with yet more of your seed, while still barely managing to get a video out on time every week. Editors truly have it rough!
Then it happened. In the middle of a vlog about household products, Poki was busy blathering about her automatic cat feeder when she suddenly pauses and stares at the camera. "I know you're watching, Editor. I just wanted to give you a special thank you for all of your hard work." Then she pulls up her shirt to reveal her breasts, wiggles them around, before yanking it back down again and continuing her spiel where she had left off. You gawp in absolute shock, sure that your mind had been playing tricks on you, that your fantasies had bled into real life, that this was actually just a surprisingly accurate wet dream. But no, as you rewind and replay the section, Pokimane had in fact flashed you, she had shown you her slightly tan breasts, each perky while still carrying some heft, graced with a dark-brown nipple upon a wide areola. Your response is entirely predictable, you pound your fleshlight for an entire day straight, not even stopping for food or rest as you honor your goddess's bountiful blessing. When you collapse, it is only from sheer exhaustion, your body and balls utterly drained by the sight of Pokimane's boobs. Upon awakening, you discover that a large amount of time had passed, and that you had a minimal amount of time to complete your deadline. Working like a man possessed, you furiously throw together a video, not even touching yourself once where before you would have savored every tantalizing moment. Through some holy miracle, you are able to send Poki the week's video on time, a feat that she seems suitably impressed by, "I thought you would have to be late again this week, good job Editor."
The next week's content is lacking in such stimulation however, simply a return to Pokimane's usual slight teasing, which still excites you, but leaves you yearning for more. Which was no doubt her intent, because in her next footage, she abruptly turns around, bends over, and pulls down her pants. The mere sight of Poki's monolithic ass in the nude has you painting the underside of your desk before you can fully process what you are seeing. Her fat cheeks wobble provocatively before she languidly reaches back and spreads them and reveals her glistening slit- By the time you have regained control of yourself, you are literally covered in cum, and far, far past your deadline. Panicking, you open your messages and hurriedly inform her that this week's vlog would be delayed due to a medical emergency you had to deal with; yes indeed your health had truly been threatened by what you had seen! Pokimane's response seems amused, "Don't lie to me Editor, you were too busy blasting rope to my ass, admit it." Moaning, you have no choice but to agree with her, informing your goddess that you had been unable to resist relentlessly pleasuring yourself to her; begging her for forgiveness, "It's fine, just be sure to have two videos done by the end of this week, or I'll have to find a new editor, got it?" The mere thought of being cut off by your queen has you in shambles, and you grovelingly assure Poki that her will would be done.
Through a herculean effort, you manage to complete your task, sending two videos of the highest quality to Poki, "Good job, I'm impressed! Next week I will not be posting though, so enjoy your time off." Most employees would celebrate having an entire week off, but being denied fresh content has left you morose; no matter, you still needed to enjoy her last gifts to the fullest. Then a notification pops up that you had received the usual weekly content file from Pokimane, and curious, you open it. Inside there is only one file, an hour long titled: 'For My Editor'. Thoroughly intrigued, and not a little excited, you start to watch it. The video starts with Poke modeling in a sleek black dress, nothing unusual there, as she poses and shows off her angles until she pauses and looks into the camera, "Hello Editor, after working so hard last week, I decided to help you get through this one." Whereupon she confidently pulls her dress over her head and tosses it aside, revealing her voluptuous body to you in all its glory. Pokimane leans forward, cupping her breasts with an arm while making slow stroking motions with her other hand, "Jack off for me, Editor. Pump, pump, pump," she growls huskily. Then she explores her body for you, fondling her weighty breasts, running her hands down her fertile tummy, teasingly rubbing her slit, turning around so that she can show you how heavy her ass is as she bounces it with her hands. All the while she encourages you to pleasure yourself to her, motioning with her hand for you to masturbate, "Edge for me Editor, I want you all worked up for the real show..." Poki opens her mouth and sticks out her tongue, rolling her eyes back in a perfect ahegao face for a full minute before ending with a devilish smirk. Her teasing grows ever more obscene as her own arousal heightens, "Imagine how wet my mouth would be wrapped around your cock, how soft my boobs would be, how tight my ass would be, how breedable my pussy is..." She moans ecstatically, her fingers squishing against her lower lips as she masturbates, as she angles the camera downwards towards the floor. Poki crouches in front of it, breathing heavily, her face flushed, "How would you take me, Editor?" She gets on her back, spreading her legs for you so that you can see just how sopping wet her pussy is, how it would be to pump between her meaty thighs, "Missionary?" Before rolling over and hoisting her thick ass in the air, pressing her chest against the ground to show you her sensual arch, "Doggy?" She gets up onto her knees and turns around, lustfully humping their air while groping herself and licking her lips, "Or would I need to put all the work in?" Poki leans forward, purring, "I want you to fuck me, Editor. I want every last drop of your cum, understood?" Wet slopping noises grew louder as her face became more and more red, as she nods encouragingly as the camera, "Do it, now. Cum for me, Editor. Cum in me!" Then Pokimane lets out a little gasp before moaning unashamedly, her eyes rolling back as she climaxes right in front of the lens, shuddering with pleasure until it is over. She sighs sensually, "Enjoy your week off..." before giving you a wink and ending the video. Needless to say, you did not get much done that week.
Or the next week for that matter, so busy were you blasting fat reams of jizz to your Goddess's instructions; so lost in an endless cycle of cumming for Pokimane that you only stopped when she messaged you again, "I guess you've been too busy stroking for me to get any work done, so here's a little incentive for you. Finish a video, and I'll give you an hour of my time, deal?" Of course, you had no choice but to obey, even with images of your queen's naked body prancing through your addled brain, you still managed to pump out a video in a reasonable amount of time; as well as an unreasonable amount of loads. A few hours after sending the video, you hear a knock on your apartment door, and more than a little annoyed at being interrupted while worshipping your goddess, you go to open it. Imagine your shock then when you find Pokimane on the other side of it, wearing a sleek outfit of deep red, dolled up to perfection. Pushing past your gawping form, she stalks inside, wrinkling her nose at the stench of semen she plops herself on your much-stained bed before licking her lips and giving you an expecting look, "Well? You have an hour, how would you like to fuck me?" You let out a piteous groan as you shamble forward, your cock already bulging and dripping, your mind unable to believe that your goddess is before you, but your body knows what to do. You dreamily turn her around and pull down her panties, humping Poki's fat ass as she amusingly informs you to go in raw, "After all, I am on birth control, and I doubt I have to worry about any STDs..." So you mount Pokimane like an animal for an entire hour, grunting like a beast while she passively waits for you to finish, you don't stop pumping for a single moment, nor do you ever stop filling her up with your cum until it leaks out of her cunt. Before you know it, her phone is buzzing loudly, and she commands you to stop, your hour is over. You notice she is limping slightly as she leaves, "Fuck I am so full..." she murmurs, before cheerfully saying, "I'm looking forward to your next video, Editor" and leaving.
The subsequent months pass by in a blur, you swiftly and skillfully produce a video for Pokimane, and soon after she arrives at your door, ready to be used. And god, do you use her. You lick and fuck her feet until they are squishy with your semen; you pump between her mighty thighs, breeding her continuously as she moans beneath you; you mount her fat tits more often that you can count, humping her chest until her breasts are smothered with cum; you make her suck you off, making her clean the fluids of your coupling off your cock so many times you know the contours of her mouth better than she does; you violate her anus with her cock, often without any lubrication, groaning as her tight coils milk your dry within minutes; you plow her from behind, again and again and again, unable to resist her thick ass you simply give in and fuck; you spend several hours simply jacking off onto her perfect face, until her hair is soaked and her face white; you make her ride you in every position imaginable, bouncing and swaying on your cock while her breasts flop around her chest, as she tirelessly drains you of load after load; you masturbate to porn together, until you are both staining the sheets afresh with your cum; you ask her to peg you, which she does with great enthusiasm while your cock sprays like a firehose; you dress her up in all sorts of cosplays, roleplaying a wide variety of scenarios that always seem to end up with you breeding her while howling her name; you fuck her while watching the video she sent you, so that you are pumping to Poki porn using Poki's perfect pussy, achieving a gooner's nirvana.
All the while you continue to churn out videos like a machine, all of which rack up an ever growing quantity of views and interactions; you are single-handedly (because the other hand is busy) driving up Pokimane's numbers on Youtube. You reach your zenith after editing while your goddess's head bobs between your legs, sucking you dry even as you complete your masterpiece. Eventually though, you begin to tire of it all, your videos begin to do progressively less well, and you feel a growing indifference towards Poki. You had flew to close too the gooner sun, your wings had been burned by the intensity of your fulfilled passions for her. No longer did her every message and word carry the power to compel you any more, no longer was she your Aphrodite, now she was simply a high priestess, the pedestal of goddess left unoccupied as your ardor cools. None of which goes unnoticed by Poki, so that one day she messages you, "I think we may need to go our separate ways Editor, let's discuss this at your place," and you agree. She patiently explains that the quality of your videos had declined recently, and that she was firing you, "Send me a copy of all the recordings you made of us together though," she smirks at your shock, "what, you thought I wouldn't notice? That much content will be useful for when I launch on Pornhub." You shudder at the thought of Pokimane gracing the porn scene with her presence, much seed would be spilt that day... "Also, I shot your reference to a friend of mine who needs a good editor, so expect to hear from her soon." You thank her profusely for this generosity, and she smirks in response, "Once more before the road then? I know how much you love fucking me..." So you spend the next hour pumping Pokimane full of your semen, and making her suck the resulting mess off of your dick; she even stays an extra few minutes to make sure it is extra clean. You hear her mutter as she leaves for the final time, "Well that one lasted a while..."
You spend the next week in a morose stupor, lost without a goddess to worship, unable to even achieve an erection. Even when Poki glibly announces on stream that she had to fire her pervert of an editor, you don't get hard even from this humiliation. Your depressed mood continues until a fresh notification pops up on your work account, piquing your interest; it reads, "Hello, I was looking for a new editor, and Imane recommended you to me! I need to have this video out by tomorrow, so please get it done ASAP! -AriaSaki" Curious now, you open up attached files, and feel a faint stirring in your crotch. Several hours later, and you send the video to her, your cock leaking from your constant edging, eager for her response. You don't have long to wait, as a short video arrives soon after, you open to see the goddess talking excitedly to you, while wearing little more than short-shorts and a blue pushup bra, "OH MY GAWD, thank you so much Editor! This looks so freaking good, let's discuss terms tomorrow okay? Thank you thank you thank you!" Before ending it with a beaming smile. You are smiling as well, as semen drips down from the underside of your desk, anything for your goddess AriaSaki...
And so the Editor finds a new job, and the cycle continues...
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idiswhadidis · 1 day
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୨ৎ 🇼​​🇭​​🇦���​🇹​ ​🇹​​🇪​​🇦​​🇸​​🇪​​🇸​, ​🇱​​🇴​​🇻​​🇪​​🇸​ ​🇪​​🇦​​🇨​​🇭​ ​🇴​​🇹​​🇭​​🇪​​🇷​ ୨ৎ
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having to sit with your enemy at the engagement dinner of your brother couldn't be that bad right? besides you should give your mother credits.
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ୭˚. ᵎᵎ prince Jungwon x female.reader princess ​ꜰᴇᴀᴛᴜʀɪɴɢ ୭˚. ᵎᵎ sim jake and jungwons sister i choose to name her Jia
ɢᴇɴʀᴇ ୭˚. ᵎᵎ historical: prince, princess, queen, king etc. fluff, jungwon is in readers opinion the enemy, actually pretty romantic?, jungwon is full on a gentleman (get me a man like him), friends/enemies to?, i would say jungwon is a bit possessive ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ୭˚. ᵎᵎ 1,8K
ɴᴏᴛᴇ ୭˚. ᵎᵎ i didn't know that i would update a fiction this quickly but after the long ass pause i had, this is overdue lol, i actually wanted to include some angst but i couldn't bring myself to (my heart is too soft)
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
“I just know this day will suck the energy out of me, who even decided that I have to come along just to see my brother getting engaged, like happy for him but not really my business” you say irritated sitting in the carriage that drives in the direction of the Yangs, your mother listening to your little tantrum,
“Honey, the only reason you don’t want to go is because of Prince Jung-”, widening your eyes at her, cupping your ears preventing from hearing the name of the boy “don’t say his name, it literally brings bad luck” making your mother laugh,
“Prince Jungwon is literally the sweetest soul I’ve ever met, he presents perfectly his mother the Queen, so please get along with him just for today” pouting at her, making her eyebrows raise a bit so you sigh and nod slumping down, the dress you’re wearing making it a bit difficult tho. “But you know…” your mother starts, “what teases, loves each other.” “Mother!” 
As the carriage comes to a halt, and the chauffeur opens the door making you aware that you’re in the Yang’s residence. Breathing in and out switching from your goofy personality to your “Princess of Sim” personality, though life.
Setting foot on the ground straightening the wrinkles on your dress amazed by how the dress compliments your curves.
“Welcome Queen and Princess of Sim” the Queen herself aka Jungwons mother, greets you both smiling widely, your mother and the Queen have been friends for decades plus your father and his father so it’s literally perfect having a son (your brother) and a daughter (Jungwons sister) marrying each other, perfect match as they call it.
“Dear, how long was it? you have grown to a gorgeous lady Y/n”, blushing at her words, even tho you’ve seen her 3 months ago on the masquerade ball, you don’t think your appearance has changed that much since then, but like you will never shut down a compliment so you thank her slightly bowing down and complimenting her as well. 
“I have to agree, Mother,” making your eyes roll “indeed absolutely gorgeous,” says the boy next to the Queen, her son Yang Jungwon, the boy who makes your (love) life hard.
Making your mom stab your ribs with her elbow intending for you to say something nice, side-eyeing her, you muster a smile turning to him- “Thanks Jungwon, you look handsome as well” having him laugh at your response making you want to punch him.
“Lets get inside, everything is already prepared.”
As the Queens go their own way catching up to each other's life leaving you alone on the stairs with Jungwon, “Missed me Princess?” making you scoff as if,  “I was taught not to lie” walking past him, making him smile a bit, following you to the venue where the engagement dinner will be held.
Stepping foot in to the venue having your mouth wide open, the servants did a great job everything is perfectly decorated in beige and brown, flowers are literally hanging down the ceiling like wow, every dinner table is completely full you didn’t thought that everyone in this fucking country would be invited.
“Let's go” Jungwon says, having his hand hovering on your back guiding you to the main table where your families sit, seeing your brother and his fiance,
and also noticing that the only two seats left are next to each other, sighing in disbelief, you wouldn’t be surprised that your mothers planned this. 
Having Jungwon bring out the chair as a sign to help you sit down makes you look at him “what is your agenda today, why so nice?” him laughing out a breath “I’m always nice to you, you just refuse to see it.” having his hand on your waist bringing you to sit down, looking at him stunned as he sits down himself.
Looking around the table, seeing some familiar faces, like your favorite cousin who is already waving excitedly at you, sticking the tip of your tongue playfully out and giving him the peace sign.
Hearing the sound of something clanking against glass has your head turn to the left to see your mothers trying to get the attention from everyone.
“Welcome everyone, I’m happy that everyone could make it, today we will celebrate the engagement of Prince Sim Jake and Princess Yang Jia.” Jungwon’s mother turns to your mother letting her know to continue “Let’s have fun and cherish our both childrens luck.” Having everybody clap in happiness, looking at your brother and Jia feeling happy for them knowing your brother had a crush since childhood for her. 
“Now, dinner is about to be served. Eat as much as you want, our chefs would be disappointed if there are any leftovers.” Making your stomach grumble ready to devour food.
“Did you know that Jia always had a crush on your brother?” Jungwon breaks you out of your thoughts, looking at him with wide eyes. Those are actually news to you “Wait really? I knew that Jake had a crush on her but this makes it even more cute that both had a crush.” your lips pouting- “that reminds me of someone” he says, having direct eye contact, looking at him confused “who?”, “you will know” blinking at him, question marks dancing around your head.
After you have eaten your dress has gotten much tighter, once again a reminder that you hate dresses, standing up wanting to go to the restroom to re-tighten it so that you are not on the brink of death. Problem is, it takes two persons to tie a dress so who? Looking at the persons who you would trust are completely busy with eating or conversations. The only one who’s free is the boy next to you, shaking your head not in hell, you can do this by yourself.
“If someone asks, I’m in the restroom real quick” you say quickly to him making him nod, standing up and dashing to the restroom trying to untie the dress at the back. God damn it who thought a dress that tight would be okay for an occasion which includes food. Looking into the mirror to see your back, seeing that the strings of the bow are literally tucked into the nest of other strings, great what now.
Hearing the door crack makes you look at it praying it would be a polite girl who could help you, instead you got a man to be specific, Jungwon.
“The fuck are you doing here? in the girl washroom to be specific”, “Figured you would need help retightening that dress”, “what? how did you know-”, 
“I knew by your expression that you were uncomfortable, then I saw how your hand was sitting on your belly probably trying to breathe properly and then you tried to open the strings while dashing away.” 
Blinking at him feeling suddenly butterflies in your stomach, “wow sherlock, didn’t know you know me that well'', “don't act so surprised princess'' he says walking to your standing figure, making you gulp a bit harder than you intended. 
Him standing behind you looking at you through the mirror “May I?”, making you nod mumbling out a tiny “yes”, propping your hands on the counter of the sink for better support. 
It was silent as he reached for the strings untightening the bow and step by step he untightened all strings, making you finally breathe out in a satisfied sigh “you know when I agreed with my mother I truly meant it.”
making your brows furrow what does he mean-
oh-
OH.
Looking up to the mirror seeing him already looking at you makes you flustered, wtf? Where does this come from now? you’re supposed to dislike him. He is the reason why your love life does not exist, having him always ruin your dates just because he doesn’t want to see you happy, the masquerade ball for example your date literally ditched you after he talked to Jungwon.
looking back down hiding the blush on your face, fuck are you supposed to say something back? I mean you weren't lying either he is really handsome especially in the tuxedo he wears complimanting his body perfectly-
feeling the strings of your dress being put back in a bow letting you know he’s done, suddenly feeling both of his hands on each side of your waist turning your around still looking down avoiding his eyes, since when are you shy around him? this didn’t suit you trying to move, his grip tightens. still looking not at him, has him lifting your chin with his thumb and index finger making you look at him unwillingly.
him moving closer to your face “what are you doing?” you whisper as you glance at his lips “something i should have done way earlier” he said barely closing the gap between your lips “is this okay?” he asks so politely, fuck why is he so perfect? you don't answer so you crash your lips against his, making him squeeze your waist trying to push you more onto him cradling your neck into his hand deepening the kiss having you bring your hand as well onto his neck going through his fluffy hair pulling slightly on it making him moan.
he slips away from your lips kissing down your chin to your throat finding your sweet spot making you moan out gripping a bit harder onto his hair “fuck j-jung-” making him nibble on it more leaving a tiny mark, kissing back up to your lips making you sigh in comfort.
“God I wish I could do this everyday” he says between kisses breaking you out of your trance making you break the kiss, you look at him catching your breath your eyes blown out, “what just happened” you say whispering touching your lips noticing that they are a bit swollen. Him holding one of your cheek “I don't know if this was prove enough but I’ve been wanting to tell you that I'm madly in love with you Y/n”
You think for a second, connecting dots looking at him suspiciously “Is that why you tried to ruin every date I’ve ever had?” him smiling sheepishly at you “I’m sorry I had to, I was terrified that someone would steal my girls heart” making your heart melt my god what's happening to you,
"Your girl?”
“I called you my girl since forever nothing will change that-”
“-so will you let me take you out on a date, which I will not sabotage?” 
“When you ask me so nicely then I don’t have a choice besides to say yes” making him smile catching your lips again.
As you both head out of the restroom, hands intertwined, both of your lips still a bit swollen, the first person to catch you both is of course.. who else.. your mother. Wiggling her eyebrows playfully, she knew this day would come like she said “what teases, loves each other.” 
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
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snipsnipsnippy · 2 days
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Can I just talk about Leia’s lightsaber? For probably a long time..
First, I want to say aesthetically she’s gorgeous. She’s so unique. She’s so sleek. She looks like a Jedi masterpiece.
But goddamn does she suck to use.
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So to start from the top, we see this beautiful legacy through Leia’s saber. We have the thin neck and rings calling back to Obi-Wan/Luke’s second saber and the vertical grips calling back to Anakin/Luke/the “Skywalker saber”. And we’re told it’s made of silver and copper with mother of pearl?! which just screams Padmé and Breha to me. I love how certain details of a character’s lineage pass through their sabers. Just beautiful.
And obviously because I love Leia and her lightsaber is beautiful I bought one of these but specifically to use, not to display. And oh boy. The amount of blood I have spilled on this saber is terrible, and no I don’t mean hurting someone else. This is my own literal actual blood from getting sliced and diced by this hilt.
Because those vertical grips are the worst ever idea to put on a handheld weapon. The reason they worked on Anakin’s is because they’re straight and thick and chunky and, most importantly, blunt. The whole feminizing sleek-ifying thing they did with Leia’s - while stunning - renders it useless because the grip is curved and those edges and corners are all hard and sharp. One slip, and it will slice your hand. Not to mention just all over make it uncomfortable to use.
And this is one of those beautifully deep things Star Wars has just stumbled into creating because I don’t think it was ever intended or thought about much more than making a pretty prop.
But it is absolutely poetic that Leia’s lightsaber, representing her journey into the Force, is genuinely something that causes her pain despite bringing her closer to her family. Her entire history with the Force is written into this one tool, which she built with her own hands, and yet wielding this tool is only going to harm her and lead her down a painful and treacherous path that no amount of skill or care can save her from. And for her then to walk away from this because it is too difficult to bear or because her family was telling her that her role is elsewhere in a field that she loves that loves her back is just the most perfectly illustrated piece of Leia’s story.
In short, I absolutely hate this lightsaber, but because of that, I absolutely love the story it tells.
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sammyunhinged · 1 day
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This fandom is so divided right now that it’s stressing me out. Everyone is either pro- or anti-Tommy, pro- or anti-Bucktommy, or loves/hates Lou. It’s the only reason I was hoping bucktommy would break up in E10—I just didn’t want the shipping war to continue over hiatus. However, I’m a multishipper who enjoys bucktommy, especially all the amazing fan works people have been making, and has loved buddie for years. I would like for each side to take a moment to understand the other’s perspective. This is my likely futile attempt to get people to do so…
For the bucktommy shippers:
I need you to respect those who can’t forgive Tommy yet. Just because Hen and Chimney seem to have forgiven him, doesn’t mean that the marginalized communities that this character has been prejudiced against on screen need to forgive him too. He’s been misogynistic, racist, and homophobic (which yes likely stemmed from internalized homophobia but that doesn’t excuse his behavior).
I need you to realize that so far we’ve gotten nothing from canon except a couple kisses and few brief conversations. People are allowed to be upset with the writers for not giving us the potential this relationship has, or not be on board yet because canon hasn’t given them reason to, or simply just not love Tommy and therefore not love their relationship. Unlike Taylor who got lots of on screen development and backstory, Tommy hasn’t had that yet. It may take some time for people to get there, if they get there at all. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to ship it.
I also need you to be aware that a huge portion of that shipping side of the fandom consistently hates on Buddie. Plus, a significant number of people have just started watching the show and jumped into S7 without context and so so many—honestly the loudest portion of the shippers—are fetishizing gay men and are clearly just here to watch two hot white men kiss on screen. It’s disturbing and understandably turns people off to the shippers and often the ship. Fetishization of queerness is something fandom in general has been dealing with for decades and just because it’s 2024 doesn’t mean it’s still not happening. Just because you haven’t seen it also doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Also I’m not saying it doesn’t exist on the buddie side of fandom—it absolutely does—it’s just very loud with the bucktommy shippers atm.
I need some of y’all to understand that the hate for Lou at the moment is also understandable. There are some fat-phobic, misogynistic, and racist things still posted on his Instagram from about a decade ago and while this was a decade ago and people can change and grow, the fact that they’re still up says things about a person. Until they are acknowledged, disliking him and not supporting him is completely valid. The exact same goes for Ryan Guzman, but that’s a whole other conversation.
For the buddie shippers:
There needs to be more respect the art of Multishipping in general, especially by younger fans lately. It’s the heart of fandom. Just because you don’t get bucktommy doesn’t mean others can’t see the potential for this relationship to be interesting plot-wise and great for Buck personally. Someone enjoying a ship you hate doesn’t mean they’re a horrible person. Also so many people love both ships and truly just want the best for Buck. These are the people that are so happy for him and want this relationship to be happy and healthy and meaningful for Buck.
But I also need you to be sympathetic toward those who jumped onboard with bucktommy because they’ve been burned by queerbait too often to ship a non-canon, bait-y ship like Buddie. No matter how much you love the show and love Buddie, you have to admit there’s been relationship baiting between them. I shipped destiel and merthur and all those things too. I get it. I need others to respect that the peak of queerbaiting was a very difficult time for fandom. It’s left some people unable to get on board.
I also need y’all to stop speculating about Lou and Oliver’s personal relationship and whether or not Oliver hates Lou. It’s strange, parasocial, and speculating about people’s lives is never appropriate. At least don’t do it online and in public forums. Talk with your friends, dm people, do whatever you want in private, but in public, let’s just leave them be. They are actors with a job. Let them do that job in peace.
I’ll probably get some flack but I consider myself to very middle of the road about all of this, a space I often find myself in fandoms. Maybe because I’ve been here so long. I so often just want people to chill out. It’s fandom. It’s supposed to be fun. Have fun!!
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freckliedan · 1 day
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jam do you think we're getting BIG 2 (Basically I'm Gender)?
hi teo this is a: really good question. here's the thing. i can have an answer for you but first i have to explain that it's not a prediction up to my usual standards and why?
because. my usual standards are very high. in 2017/18 it was easy? there was no break in data for us to pattern recognize them based off of. and i took them for their word on things + was able to refine my thoughts in conversations with @freckliephil to the point it was somewhat uncanny what we were right about.
we fully called that dan and phil would come out in separate videos with something longer & more serious from dan + shorter and less intense from phil a year to a year and a half before they came out. we'd discussed that the bullying dan experienced included a physical aspect and that that was the reason having his neck touched by people was triggering before ii toured. the list of detailed things we were right about goes on for a stupid length of time.
and it's just not possible to predict what they're doing next in the same way in this era! in 2018/19 they had been in the public eye for their entire adult lives and we have an excess of information from those 10 years! but now it's been five years—a third of their relationship—without that kind of data.
they didn't vanish completely but dan spent that time as out of the public eye as possible, phil has always been better with keeping his walls up, and we had absolute minimal joint content.
they were able to change massively AND AUTHENTICALLY when free from public scrutiny. especially dan! and we just don't have the fucking data to use for accurate pattern recognition in making predictions anymore.
there's still aspects of who dan and phil are as people that haven't changed and never will, and we have the era of complete data on them to compare the present to. so like. it's not fully impossible to predict things. there's definitely areas in which it's possible to make accurate predictions. but in no world will i claim my thoughts on dan addressing gender is one of them!
that said. even if i cannot confidently predict the details of what's coming with dan gender, it's as clear to me that dan has gender going on as it is that he is gay. that's a fact to me because i am in the practice of taking dan for her word.
when it comes to predictions here's where i'm at. i'm completely confident gender mentions will continue to escalate. i also think that at some point dan's going to comment directly on their gender. but i go back and forth on whether a dan gender video essay will ever exist? and so do @freckliephil and @phulge when we discuss this.
i think dan always puts a lot of thought into things, enough so to make a video essay on gender viable for him. if she waits like a year i could see that being what happens?
but on the other hand. i do not think that gender exploration is as charged and significant in dan's life as their gayness. he experienced so much trauma around how people percieved his sexuality from childhood onwards!
gender is difficult to navigate in a cisnormative society and almost always impossible to separate from sexuality but i don't think it's something that she would be inclined to make into as big of a moment & conversation as basically i'm gay.
it could be something as simple as pronouns in bio i suppose? but if so i think it would be commented on at the start of the next gaming channel video too. the biggest thing i can picture is phil starting to quite clearly use different pronouns for dan in different gaming channel videos in a way that's just. very normal about it. a "this is an everyday occurence" way. + this being consistant with the way dan genders themself too.
i do see this happening sooner than a year from now, but i don't know for sure when? pride is a convenient time for it. i think there's a 100% chance they're doing something insane this month, in part because they fucking LOVE dramatic timing and big gestures.
i don't think dan gender will be the main focus of what happens this month, but i'm open to being pleasantly surprised.
i think they're hard launching this year, this month or in october. i think wedding photos being shared is one of the more likely hard launch options. and i think if they're wedding launching that dan would say something about gender beforehand or in conjunction with it?
if in conjunction, it could be as simple as the title spouse being used for dan in an instagram caption? but the reason i think it's possible as something that happens beforehand is because marriage is such a major (and gendered) experience that it makes sense to want to be known and seen accurately as your whole self when it happens in your life.
again. the only thing i'm completely certain on here is that dan has some kind of gender going on and that it feels LIKELY that it'll be addressed some time in the next year. the rest is just probabilities. thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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ryuichirou · 17 hours
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Some replieeeees, also hey it’s Summer (just noticed that)
Anonymous asked:
WELL I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GETTING BLESSED WITH SAVANACLAW ROOK TITS TODAY
GOOD LORD I'M GOING TO MOTORBOAT ON THEM VROOM VROOM 😚😚😚
SURPRISE, ANON! Motorboat them to your heart’s content.
I am very happy that you liked Rook tits; it was probably very naïve of me to think that his nipple won’t be the main star of the drawing lol
Anonymous asked:
Planning on revisiting aus?
We might, but there isn’t any planning involved here; we just randomly remember about them from time to time and sometimes want to add to them lol
 I’ve sketched a comic for the mafia AU not so long ago, but we only posted it on ko-fi for now…
Anonymous asked:
More Lilia content when?
Hopefully soon! We have some new stuff with him, so it’s a matter of time... If everything goes well, you should see a lot of more stuff relatively soon. For now he’s also on ko-fi, being unable to post regularly has fucked up our posting flow really badly.
Anonymous asked:
I'm not exactly caught up on the Savanaclaw Rook stuff,
But that doesn't mean I don't have some pretty fun thoughts.
Like one I had while looking at that art you recently posted.
And I'm just imagining Savanaclaw Rook and Pomefiore Rook are in the same room, for whatever reason, who knows, and Vil walks in-
And Pomefiore Rook looks at Savanaclaw Rook-
And he just sees the hearts in Savanclaw Rook's eyes while looking at Vil.
And he knows that Savanaclaw Rook's already as hooked on Vil as he is.
Cause Rook just having an "on sight" moment when first meeting Vil is something I absolutely love.
:)
Awwww, this is so cute. At first I thought you were going to make a ménage à trios joke…
He absolutely had an “on sight” moment when he first saw him at NRC; and while I think it’s fair to assume that this isn’t Rook’s actual first time seeing him (being such a theatre nerd and all),  seeing him irl probably felt different somehow.
Looking at S!Rook’s reaction is probably pretty nostalgic for P!Rook.
No but really they really should hug Vil together and show him all kinds of love-
Anonymous asked:
Thinking nonstop about the characters being called daddy and master post,, it makes me imagine a scenario where Silver's sleeping around campus (probably because his father told him to so he could live a little) and someone asks him to call them daddy... He would be so confused like "???? I am not your son 🤨" save my boy LOL
Silver calling Lilia daddy or papa in bed would just end up being so cute 😭 Lilia stopping what he's doing and totally breaking his image as a cool and strict dom to be like "Eh?? Ehh??? You haven't called me that in years 🥺"
(this is about this post)
I am very happy you enjoyed that one, Anon!
Oh poor Silver lol Or should I say poor people who will never be the father that Silver loves dearly… even though this isn’t what they wanted from him at all. And these poor fools would think that the issue is that the word is too familial, and this is why Silver doesn’t consider it sexy. If only they knew…
Imagining Lilia dropping his dom thing to gush over his precious son being very cute and suddenly calling him daddy/papa is very funny though, he wouldn’t expect that at all. Despite being all kinds of cursed, for some reason  this is the one moment that Lilia would consider pretty wholesome… which only makes it even more cursed lol
Although to be honest it’s surprisingly difficult to imagine Silver calling Lilia anything other than “oyaji-dono”. Imagine Silver’s first word being not “papa” but “oyaji-dono” instead…
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brain-rot-central · 2 days
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When Astarion asks/implies that Tav is sleeping w Wyll is he just saying that to see her reaction or does he actually not know bc like he has his little spies everywhere right? 👀
He's saying it for two reasons:
1) He's paranoid. He knows she has a close working relationship with Wyll and during their journey against the Absolute, Tav and Wyll shared some brief moments of intimacy (nothing physically sexual, but they did the whole dance thing and kissed). Tav ultimately chose to pursue Astarion, but still, AA remembers and due to he and Tav currently being in questionable territory in terms of their relationship, he's paranoid. Extremely, extremely paranoid that her heart is potentially reaching for an old flame.
2) He and Wyll have a current arrangement worked out. So, again, he's paranoid that Wyll will somehow sabotage him from the outside-in, as in turn Tav against him through the work relationship she has with Wyll. AA doesn't really trust anyone aside from Tav (support coming from his in-game lines of "I'd rather have one person I can trust entirely," and "everything I could ever want is standing right before me"), so to me, it's very true to character for him to have doubts, and even take it a step further into forming a complete paranoid delusion surrounding it.
So, in a way, he's saying it to see her reaction but also trying to figure out if Wyll is making moves behind his back. It's a very "keep your friends close but your enemies closer," kind of thing. He does have spies set up around the city in various locations, but admittedly he finds it a little difficult to spy on Wyll, simply because of how heavily guarded he is at all times (being Grand Duke and all).
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twinklestarrss · 4 months
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half-full family photo (+ blonde hermia)
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welcometogrouchland · 3 months
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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#mine
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bluehairperson · 2 months
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Sometimes I see posts about how "I, Strahd" Tatyana has the personality of a cardboard but I don't think I agree honestly.
We only see her in very few scenes (all from Strahd's POV) and she's always very gentle and soft spoken.
Which makes completely sense since she was a lowborn orphan trying to make a good impression on her future brother in law, who is not only the ruler of the valley but also a feared war criminal. Of course she would try to be as nice as possible in front of him.
I also think that Strahd was extremely genuine in thinking he was in love with Tatyana, it's just that he never really knew her the way Sergei did. He only knew a facet.
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sukibenders · 3 months
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When it comes to Penelope I feel like a lot of her fans take any valid criticism towards her and turn it into hate, which does her character a disservice. While some people do hate on her, a lot of it holds valid reasons. Admitting that she has hurt many people isn't wrong because she has, it's been shown on throughout the show and the impacts it can have. From labeling Daphne as "unmarriageable" during her first season and events that followed, her labeling Eloise as being part of a group of rebels, the terms she used to describe Kate [and Simon]-- which carried racial undertones no matter how you try to spin it, who didn't even know personally at that point, what she did Marina. All of these were very harmful and to say that none of these characters should feel angry, that they should just forgive Penelope without any work put into it is very laughable (especially because she's still writing as Whistledown and put many, namely women, at risk during a time where reputation is everything--something in which Penelope herself faces). With this being said, criticizing her actions, at least for me, doesn't come from a complete place of hate but more so from believing that she can be better if she puts in the work. By ignoring all that she's done and having her get her happily ever after so easily in the end, to be honest, would ultimately feel lackluster. I feel like she still has room to grow, but it will take a lot of work and, I personally, think seeing her renavigate who she is with who she wants to be outside of Lady Whistledown would be very interesting.
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burr-ell · 1 year
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"the tendency of this fandom to only engage with what THEY want these characters to be#as opposed to what their creators are trying to do and the stories they want to tell" slap this on a bumper sticker, you just summed all cr discourse (about PCs at least) in 2 sentences
It truly is maddening (and it's not by any means exclusive to the CR fandom). The reason why the discourse always goes the way it does is that at the end of the day, the loud fanwanky people only see what they would do, if they were self-inserted into the story, as a valid choice; and they are, more broadly, fundamentally disinterested in what others think or feel. There are several examples of this, and the variety of spaces within the fandom that produce these ideas is an indicator that this isn't endemic to one specific group of people.
-Keyleth is an important character whose feelings and choices are validated by the other PCs and cast even if they still disagree with them, in spite of how she and her preachiness get in the way of the Murderhobo Jubilee? It's not because the cast are all friends and they genuinely believe Keyleth is valid and are interested in how these discussions and choices can guide the story. It's because Marisha is the DM's girlfriend, and also here's my totally unbiased theory that my pet favorite players Sam and Travis secretly hate Marisha and Keyleth.
-Vax's presence is still felt and nodded to in the post-canon VM oneshots? It's not because he was an important character who mattered. It's because Liam wants to make everyone talk about his tragedy because he has Main Character Syndrome. Scanlan Wishes for Vax to appear at the wedding? It's not because he cares about Vex or because Sam and Liam wanted a sweet tribute to Vex and Vax's relationship and by extension Liam and Laura's friendship. It's because Liam thinks Vex's life should always revolve around Vax, and Sam wants to enable him and jerk himself off as the one who facilitated it.
-Beauyasha and Fjorester become canon? It's not because the players wanted it and it happened naturally. It's because there was a secret behind-the-scenes push to "force" those ships to become canon instead, and like, Dani Carr is some sort of shipping puppetmaster who made the players do it, and "they" (whomever "they" is) decided to sink Beaujester or Widojest because it was "obviously" going to become canon before the pandemic hiatus gave them time to "make the corporate-approved ships happen".
-Beau and Caleb try to reform the Empire and dismantle the Cerberus Assembly from within? It's not because it makes sense for their stories or that people who would take this position regarding a corrupt government might have a valid perspective that differs from your own. It's because the people at Critical Role Productions LLC are all spineless neoliberal cowards who won't commit to real activism. The best activism, after all, is violent, and violent revolutions have always resulted in stable aftermaths, and the real world has never demonstrated that this mindset is foolish.
-Relatedly: Caleb doesn't kill Trent personally? It's not because the most poetic justice would be to deny Trent the thing he wants most from Caleb. It's because "Limo Brain" is too obsessed with tragedy to have the stones to do "what needs to be done".
-Asmodeus, DnD Satan, turns out to also be CR Satan? It's not because it fits with the cosmology and the lore; it's because Matt Mercer is too attached to the "establishment", and the Prime Deities should have actually turned out to be the bad guys because of my personal baggage about Western religion and Christianity they're a little mean to my blorbo sometimes.
There's a pattern here: fans had expectations that they'd built up for themselves after projecting and building up fanon and deciding what players meant before they explained themselves fully, and when the players strayed from that, they were derided for all manner of reasons. I think we're seeing that same pattern play out in C3 as the story progresses in a way that fans dislike, and in fact we have seen fanwank spread whenever someone does anything that interferes with personally catering to a) the favored ship and/or b) the favored philosophy. (Orym, Ashton, FCG, Percy, Pelor...all valid when they affirm the Fandom Opinions and all disdained when they don't.)
Don't get me wrong, I think there's a place for comfort stories that deliver a personal catharsis. And I'm not going to dismissively say "well if you want it so bad make your own" because, as an artist, I am very familiar with the fact that creating is hard and draining and sometimes you just need to consume instead. But when you become so wrapped up in yourself and your feelings to the point where your perspective is the only valid one, someone else's feels like a betrayal when it isn't. It's always "They aren't doing what we wanted and here's why they're terrible people because of it" and never "Hmm, why is this what the cast wants? Let's examine that."
This isn't a new phenomenon, but I think it ultimately stems from not assuming that other people can differ from you in major ways in good faith. There are a lot of reasons for that (some more understandable than others), but I think you rob yourself of the potential to enjoy something new when all you do is demand what you already want. No matter what you're doing or where you are in life, you tend to become a better and wiser person when you open your mind to what other people have to say, no matter how mundane the subject matter. Sometimes the stories people have to tell are challenging—and the only healthy way to deal with that is to engage with them on their own terms.
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restinpeacesensei · 2 months
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traditional style 💖
#akoya gero#gero akoya#cute high earth defense club love#binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#boueibu#my art#my akoya wanted to join in the vintage dress-up party too!! \;;w;;/#ognvuhgh i wanted to have this done earlier bc other people were doing art so fast for the new outfits but it got dragged out#it was Mostly done a few days ago and i made final edits and was going to post it just before i rushed out to work#i put it up then i was like '??? wait there's a color blob in the wrong place i thought i fixed that???'#i was down to my last minute and didn't have time to do it so i was like auuuughhgh and took the whole thing down#on the Next day i opened the file again to see what was wrong and the color blob was NOT THERE#so im like ??? why did it suddenly appear again in the png. so i looked and i made an error in naming my files#i accidentally named one of the versions 30 instead of 03 so it sorted into the last place instead of the actual most recent version (07)#so that is the reason i ended up being 1 minute late to work. and the lesson to me is i should not try to post at the absolute last minute#(i say this but if i don't get smth done i can't stop thinking about it. it bothers me constantly to have something almost finished but not#(and then it's difficult for me to focus on other tasks so this is why i feel like i have to just get it done before i switch tasks)#anyway i wasn't totally sure what era the traditional outfits are supposed to be from. im not knowledgeable about fashion actually T.T#i googled 'when were suspenders popular' and ended up just looking at old photos and clothing patterns from the 30s-40s#photos from back then were black-and-white can you believe it.. you have to actually look at drawings and paintings to find color#everyone who left me messages elsewhere: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! \>/////</ i will reply soon!! \;;W;;/
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senmiyaazx · 28 days
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i can't be the only one who finds dying in undertale so damn embarrassing especially for a noob like me cuz some of the characters literally remember it (I'm looking at you, sans/crossbones.)
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mewtwo24 · 5 months
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I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.
The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.
The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...
#tgcf#xie lian#lang qianqiu#the runner-up line that devastated me too was: 'it's the least of what I DESERVE!!!'#i dont think there are words to describe how that made hua cheng feel knowing all that he does (from his time as wu ming)#legitimately its on the spectrum of mantis shrimp im guessing bc i can't fathom trying to put it into words either#the way xie lian won't stop punishing himself for wishing for better--for wishing for peace and collaboration--even 800 years later#the way he continues to take responsibility for all the wrongs others commit--the way he deems himself a failure ->#for things he simply could not change or did not purposefully incite. the way he won't stop punishing himself when things go wrong#i honestly cant get over how acutely xl feels like the result of gifted child syndrome#having all of these grandiose expectations placed on him and doing his utmost to uphold them at any cost#doing everything he can to the point of self-destruction to do the right thing#only to end up hated in the end when he proved to have limits--even as a god#and discarded despite his efforts; ultimately deemed worthless for not measuring up to what were impossible/rigged standards from the get g#and like . the way up to this point they made the creative decision to make xie lian's emotional range fairly static#not that he's unfeeling but that he doesn't tend to raise his voice or express anything extreme (for good reason)#until this precise moment where it all comes flying apart with so many old scars torn open#absolutely fantastic im on the ground#honestly i feel like i forget how difficult a decision this had to be for hua cheng#i mean naturally he chose this because he wanted xie lian absolved#and ultimately xie lian really does need to stop the self-flagellation--he takes it too far#but watching him tremble with fear haunted by the echoes of what he almost became#fucking cHRIST
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