#this song is going to be my new personality

[lnfours]

* ✰. — birds of a feather | l.n

summary: i’ll love you til the day that i die.

warnings: the result of the new billie eilish album being on repeat and me having this song stuck in my head, so this was born. fluff, fluff and more fluff bc i said so. slowly getting my creative juices back, so bear with me.

masterlist | soundtrack

you hadn’t been looking for anything when you had met lando. a freshly graduated student who finally had time to find interest in their personal life, rather then spend their time consumed with textbooks in front of them, trying to navigate your way through the chaotic mess of life.

but the moment the curly haired brit bumped into you in the paddock, sending your notes and fresh cup of coffee all over you and the ground, you were doomed. falling head first into the comforting chaos that was lando norris.

and you thanked your stars every morning when you woke up that you had been running late that day, or else you would’ve never met the sleeping boy next to you. wouldn’t have ever gotten the chance to get to know the sought after driver with a big heart and who loves with his whole soul.

you smiled to yourself, sitting in the bed and taking in the way he slept peacefully, not aware how pretty he looked in the morning sun as it peaked in through your blinds. his cheek pressed against the pillow, his lips slightly parted as he slept.

you couldn’t help but reach out and brush the stray curl away from his face, smiling softly as he stirred in his sleep at your touch. your silent way to keep going, your nails scratching at his scalp gently. a soft hum came from him, followed by the gorgeous sight of his green eyes shining up at you. his eyes fully adjusting to the brightness as he squinted, his hand reaching out to yours.

“c’mere,”

his voice was hoarse and sleep coated, but it never failed to send shivers down your spine. you scooted closer, letting him pull you into his side. your face nuzzled in his bare shoulder, his head laying on top of yours.

“we need to be up soon,” you said, poking his ribs gently, “your family’s coming to see the new house and have dinner, remember?”

he didn’t, actually. and if it wasn’t for you, he’d be certain he’d miss all of his meetings, call times, and hell, even sometimes the start of his races. thankfully, you were never far from him on the pitlane. the perks of working with sky, who he should really thank. he’d make a mental note to do it next race. right now, he was going to enjoy the peaceful month he got to spend with you. uninterrupted peace, free time. where you got to whatever you wanted, wherever you wanted.

he groaned, nuzzling his face into your hair. you laughed softly, “lando,”

“i like when you say my name,” he mumbled, “say it again.”

you chuckled, and in your best flirty tone you could muster up in the moment, you did, “lando,”

he pressed a soft kiss to the skin of your neck, right where your neck and collarbone met. his favorite spot to kiss whenever he teased you because he knew you were ticklish.

and as if on queue, you giggled, shoving his head from your neck, “stop it,”

“just five more minutes,” he pleaded, “with my girl, in our bed, that’s all i ask.”

you sighed, “fine, but not one second longer.”

he smiled, knowing he could always get you to fold. you hated to admit it, but you’d always cave for him. do whatever he wanted. he had you wrapped around his finger and you had him wrapped around yours. smitten for each other, young in love, whatever you wanted to call it, you were it.

“how’d you sleep?” you asked, finger tips tracing the lines in your mind that you drew with your fingers every morning. connecting the moles on his skin, from his shoulders to his chest and down to his sides. your own little routine you had incorporated, a habit you picked up after the first night you spent together a year and a half ago.

“good until you woke me up.”

“you love when i wake you up.”

“you’re right,” he mumbled, “getting to see that pretty face every morning is the highlight of my day.”

you chuckled, leaning up on your elbow, reaching around and grabbing his cheek into your hand. he smiled softly as you leaned down, pressing your lips to his.

he pulled away, a smile on his lips as they brushed against yours, “and your morning kisses, i love waking up to your lips on mine, or on my-“

you shook your head, laughing and covering his face with your pillow before pulling yourself out from the covers, “alright, time to get up!”

“that wasn’t five minutes!” he gasped, tossing your pillow your way softly, teasingly. you laughed, walking into the connected bathroom, calling back to him.

“long enough! you killed the romantic mood,”

“i’m only speaking my truth, baby,” he said, footsteps joining you in the bathroom, watching him lean against the doorway out of the corner of your eye, “is a man not allowed to speak his truth?��

you popped the toothbrush in your mouth, sending him a glare. he laughed, pressing a kiss to your head before grabbing his own toothbrush from his side of the sink. he joined you in brushing your teeth, wrapping an arm around your waist. you smiled softly, trying to ignore how good he looked. sweatpants loosely hanging around his waist, bare chest on full display, curls wild and in serious need of taming.

you two looked good together, and even though he wasn’t necessarily considered ‘tall’ he still stood a few inches above you. his green eyes met yours in the mirror, and he knew you were subtly checking him out. he sent you a wink and you rolled your eyes, laughing softly as you finished brushing your teeth.

he finished shortly after you, watching you as you rummaged around in your drawer. you pulled out the skincare he had seen you put on every morning and night, and even has put on for you after nights where you’ve had one too many vodka redbulls.

he leaned against the counter, watching you in the mirror as you rubbed the product into your skin, “can i have some?”

you giggled, moving to stand between his legs. you squeezed a little bit of the moisturizer onto your fingers, rubbing into his face. he grinned softly at your gentle touch, “that smells good.”

you nodded, “and it has sunscreen in it, it’s good for you.”

he motioned towards your drawer, “do you have any lip balm?”

you hummed, putting the tube back before grabbing the lip balm. you went to hand it to him but he raised an eyebrow at you. you sighed with a laugh, shaking your head.

“gimme,” you said, grabbing his chin and swiping the lip balm against his pursed lips. you couldn’t help but giggle again, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his lips when you were done, “there.”

he rubbed his lips together and hummed, “hmm, is that coconut?”

you nodded, “like it?”

he nodded, pulling you in closer by your waist, “love it.”

you grabbed his wrist, checking the time on his watch, “they’ll be here in an hour.”

“so what i’m hearing is-“

“no,” you shoved his shoulder with another laugh, “what im saying is that i need to run to the store and get flowers for the vase on the table.”

“who needs flowers,” he said, pressing a kiss to your chest, “when i could have you back in my bed, all to myself for a little while longer until i have to share you for the rest of the day.”

you ran a hand through his hair, his eyes looking up to meet yours, “as tempting as it sounds, i really do have to run to the store. plus, i have to get some stuff for dinner.”

he sighed dramatically, “okay,”

you walked into the closet, rummaging through his side and stealing one of his hoodies and fishing out a pair of sweatpants. a quick outfit to run a few last minute errands.

he had found his way to the kitchen, standing at the coffee pot. you pinched his side, kissing his shoulder. he turned his head and smiled, leaning down and kissing your head, “need anything while i’m out?”

“mm,” he hummed, “breakfast? i don’t feel like cooking.”

you laughed, “me either. i’ll pick up something.”

he nodded, smiling playfully, “i guess you can take my car.”

“oh i was going to,” you said, grabbing his key off the hook, “even without your permission.”

“rude!”

you laughed, blowing him a kiss, “i’ll be back. i love you.”

“i love you too.”

your trip to the store was quick, making it back within a half an hour, arms full of things as you carried everything inside, closing the door with your foot. you set everything on the counter, hanging the keys back on the hook.

“i’m back!”

“i’m in the bedroom!” his voice called back to you. you made your way down the hallway and into the bedroom, smiling as he held up two shirts in the mirror.

“which looks better?” he asked, holding both up against the pair of plaid pants he had picked out. you hummed, standing behind him and watching his reflection. his hair being perfectly styled and his cologne filling the room telling you he had been getting ready while you were gone.

you pointed to the white shirt, “that one.”

“you think?”

you nodded, watching him take it off the hanger and slipping it over his shoulders. you stepped in front of him, buttoning the buttons. purposefully leaving the top few open.

he rolled up the sleeves, sending you a look, “might as well have my whole shirt unbuttoned.”

“i wouldn’t complain.” you joked and he smiled, before quickly realizing your attire. you smile as he started pulling at the hem of his hoodie that sat on your frame.

“hey! this is mine.”

the baby blue hoodie looked better on you anyway, but he still liked to joke around with you, “i know.”

“thief.”

“come and get it then.” you shrugged, crossing your arms.

“oh, so now you’re in the mood?” he asked, “what was it? the buttons?”

you laughed as he wrapped his arms around your waist, “maybe.”

“you’re going to be the death of me.”

“you love me.” you smiled, his hands finding your warm, soft skin under his hoodie.

“damn right i do, baby. til the day i die.”

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader fluff #lando norris x reader imagine #lando norris x reade fluff imagine #ln4 x reader #ln4 #fluff #ln4 imagine #ln4 x reader fluff #ln4 fluff #ln4 fic #ln4 x y/n #ln4 x you #ln4 one shot #ln4 fluff imagine #mclaren #mclaren f1 #mclaren formula one #mclaren formula 1

[cheriladycl01]

It’ll come eventually, promise! - Lando Norris x Driver! Reader

Plot: You are there for your boyfriends first race win!

Credit to hamlectay for the GIF

Starting in Miami was always a great feeling. But what was even better was having been promoted to F1 for the 2024 season and getting to drive it as one of the top 20 drivers in the world.

When Lawrence Stroll dropped Aston Martin to bankroll a new team at the end of 2023, Lance moving was without a doubt a thing happening. But that left a free seat open at a high mid field team. Which they were more than happy to get you on board with considering your racing history.

Fernando in the few races you’d got to know him had became an excellent mentor and had taught you lots and you were thankful for him. He was like your on grid dad.

You’d had a decent season so far.

P10 in Bahrain - your first race and you were in the points only a few seconds behind your teammate.

P6 in Saudí - where you were able to drive with your old Prema teammate Oliver Bearman who was just behind you in P7.

P5 in Australia - where you got to celebrate your boyfriends first podium of the season.

P12 in Japan - some unforeseen issues in qualifying leaving you in P16 and having to climb your way up.

P6 in China - happy to celebrate both your points finish and your boyfriends first P2 podium of the season.

And you didn’t want to disappoint in Miami, not when there was so many people riding on your going well. F1 Academy where there looking up to you, and all of the stars that normally attended Miami.

Thursday came around and you were in the paddock messing around in TikTok with Fernando. Everyone loved you guys as the ‘dad and daughter duo’ where everyone could see how much he genuinely cared for you and wanted you to succeed. He always would praise you and boost your confidence when talking about you in interviews like many others making your have a huge fan base after only being in F1 for a few months.

Friday came around and you were still feeling great, the Miami heat was blazing and you and Fernando had been making TikTok’s to the Will Smith song that had been trending on F1 TikTok with the build up and anticipation for the weekend ahead.

Getting in the car for FP1 and you were flying. P5 … Alonso down in P19. He was too stressed though. But you were beyond excited knowing you got P5 without pushing too hard as your engineers had just asked you to get used to the track in an F1 car.

It was your boyfriend who you’d snuck into his hospitality just to give a massive cuddle when you text you saying he needed you, that wasn’t having a great weekend.

Despite the vast amount of upgrades brought to his car he’d only come in P16 where as Oscar who had half the upgrades he did was cruising up in P2 and he was frustrated to say the least.

Next was the Sprint Qually which you’d actually been doing well in for the other in China the previous week.

You went coming in a measly P10, not enough for points.

Lando was even more annoyed with starting in P9 on the same row as you, not that he thought he was the better driver or anything but right now he definitely had the better car and he just couldn’t work out why it wasn’t performing.

“Baby, it’ll come eventually I promise” you sighed that night as you held him closely in your shared hotel bed. His head was rested in your chest as all of his worries and woes were let out.

He always thought so negatively of himself and you hated it, in your eyes he was the most amazing person ever.

“But what if it doesn’t, what if I never win and … I’m just a wash out of podiums and missed opportunity” he said looking up at you, and his eyes made you cave. He looked so sad and helpless.

“Lando… I promise you. When the time is right, you’ll get that win. You’ve worked so hard for this and it’s something you deserve. Baby, you are the most driven and ambitious person I know and you will be a world champion. In my eyes you already are” you told him softly and he just pulled you tighter to him as he nuzzled into you more, so thankful for you being in his life.

Come the next day, and it was the sprint race. You managed to get yourself into the points coming in P6 having overtaken Lando and those ahead. Once Lando saw you going for it he knew he had to get up there with you!

He started to push it a little too much and ended up with a DNF. It was a very disappointing weekend thus far considering the amount of upgrades McLaren had brought to the team.

Qually begun and you were all the way down in P11 after your car malfunctioning in Q2 meaning you didn’t get into Q1.

Lando had a better qualifying coming in just ahead of his teammate. He felt a lot better going to bed with you that night and it was more him comforting you than the other way it had been the other night.

“Baby, you got all you could out of that car. You literally couldn’t do anything else your engine shut down!” He exclaims as you hadn’t really spoken to him all night. You’d been silent at dinner and once your got back to the room.

He pulled you into a hug as you let out a sigh thinking things over in your head before smiling at Lando and kissing his neck and up his jaw.

“Thank you, for the pep talk. And just being you” you smiled at him.

Then came race day.

Oscar had an incredible start going from P6 all the way to P2 and was really increíble. Your also had a fantastic start, deciding to be aggressive and managed to go from P11 into P8. You managed to get the inside line overtaking Yuki, your teammate Alonso and then Hamilton.

“Amazing driving Y/N. It’s looking good, we going to try for the 1 stop. Manage those tyres for now” your race engineer explains. And you did, slowing your pace for a little bit. You abused the safety car for you pit stop, just like Lando did, leaving you coming out in P6.

“Is Lando still in P1?” You ask, knowing he would be ahead of Max and Charles right now.

“Yes, Lando, Max, Charles Oscar and Carlos ahead” he explains. Right now you were defending from Perez when all of a sudden he swung round the outside knocking Sargeant into the gravel and into the race.

“Yellow flag for Sargeant!” You say clearly into your radio for the severity of where Logan was.

“Yellow flag and safety car released” your engineer informs you. You were stressing now, you knew that Lando would be fighting Max once the safety car is released.

“Is Logan okay? Is he out the car!” You ask.

“Yes, it’s all fine”

You focused on closing the gap to Carlos, who you knew would be fighting Oscar hard to try and get up into the podium positions so he can celebrate with Lando if he can hold of Max.

You were 0.076 seconds behind Carlos but before you could overtake him, he clipped the back of Oscar as he goes for an overtake nearly sending the Australian into you.

He pitted, leaving him down in a lower position out of points by the time he had come out, meaning that you and Carlos were battling it out with each other and Sergio Perez behind both of you.

“If you can get within 5 seconds of him, he has a time penalty for the incident with Piastri” your engineer explained to you.

“And Lando, is he still P1?” You ask.

“Yes Lando is P1 with a 6 second lead on Max” he answers and you feel as though you could cry.

“Today is the day Marcus” you smile as you speed up catching back up to Carlos. With the laps left you manage to overtake him getting into your highest finish of the season in P4. You couldn’t share a podium with your boyfriend but, part of you didn’t want to.

“Race finished, P4 amazing job today Y/N congratulations” your engineer exclaimed.

“What about Lando? Did he win?” You ask immediately not too bothered about your result.

“With a 7 second gap to Max, Lando won” he says and you let out a scream of happiness for him. YES’s whooping and a lot of swear words came from your mouth into the radio.

You knew later it would be aired and you get in trouble for your language but you really didn’t care.

Today was Lando’s day and you didn’t want to damper that. He’d just won his first F1 race after 110 of them. And you couldn’t be prouder of him, you were so happy and you were sobbing for him as you pulled up into where all the cars were.

You went over to your team, in Aston who had all come out to congratulate you on your best race so far. P11 to P4 on one set of tyres.

You were hugging them before one tapped you on the back, showing you Lando who was just getting out of his car. You rushed over to him pulling him into a massive hug.

“And there is Y/N Y/L/N driver of Aston Martin congratulating Lando on his first win with a huge hug! She’s crying, he’s crying! It’s a beautiful sight really, just two young drivers congratulating each other … wow what a day for both of them” the sky sports presenter admits on the tv watching the interaction down in park ferme.

“I love you so much! You are incredible Lando Norris” you smile gripping his helmet and flipping up his visor so you could see his tears rolling down onto his balaclava.

“Omg I won! I can’t believe I did it! I WON!” He cries and you just grin.

“Believe it Lando Norris because you are now an F1 race winner!” You smile and he does a cheer. You let him walk off, watching as he jumps into his team to celebrate.

You rush with the team after they’ve let Lando go, to go watch the podium. You were so excited and it definitely wasn’t something you were going to pass up!

As you watch him lift up his trophy it feels like your falling in love with him all over again, and it’s a feeling taking over your whole entire body. There is nowhere else and no one else you want to be or be with right now.

He can’t stop smiling at you and you can’t stop the happy tears from rolling down your face. Your cheering with Bianca who you’d grown close to and started to mentor a little bit even though you had Tina and Jessica around a little bit more as your Aston Martin girls.

Once the anthem starts you can’t help but see just how radiant he looks, the way the lowing Miami sun was beaming on him and making his already golden skin glow.

That was your man, your boyfriend and your future husband because in this moment you were sure you would do anything and everything to keep him by your side.

He was your soulmate and you were his, and as he was looking down at the way your face had tear stains and was a little puffy from rubbing away the tears he couldn’t agree more.

Clubbing for sure wasn’t the only celebrations that happened that night for you and Lando, that’s for sure.

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul l @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall l @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @viennakarma @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

#lando norris fic #lando norris x reader #lando fluff #lando norris one shot #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando x reader #lando imagine #lando norris #lando #ln4 fluff #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 #ln4 x reader #ln4 x y/n #ln4 one shot

[greynatomy]

where were you in the morning? - five

alessia russo x reader

this was very rushed but it’s been in the drafts so decided to just give it an ending. last part of this mini series.

previous

———

You were getting some final touches done to your in ear packs when the stage manager knocked on the dressing room door.

“You’re on in five, Y/LN.”

You nod, turning to your manager.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Walking towards the stage, shaking out your nerves, you wait for your cue.

“Give it up for Y/N Y/LN!”

Walking towards the piano, you take your seat as the spotlight shines on you. Your fingers dance on the keys, playing the melody of the song.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire Jack frost nipping at your nose Yuletide carols being sung by a choir And folks dressed up like Eskimos

Your eyes are closed, not wanting to look at the audience, afraid that you’d mess up.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Santa’s on his way He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh And every mother's child is gonna spy To see if reindeers really know how to fly

Opening your eyes, you look out to the crowd, spotlights scanning the audience when your eyes lock onto a familiar figure — the girl who’s been stuck on your mind for months.

Unable to look away, you finished the rest of the song eyes locked in her. Hushed whispers spread amongst the audience as you have not looks away from where she stood. You thought she looked beautiful.

Finally able to look away, you sing the last notes. With a nod of acknowledgment to Alessia, you exit the stage, feeling as if you could breath again.

“You did good.” Alina gives you a pat on the back. Giving her a smile, you go back into the green room to remove the wires from your body. “Go out there and mingle for a bit.”

Nodding, you grab your phone and make your way out to the party. People come up to you left and right, some friends, many of them fans asking about new music and a possible tour, only giving them smiles and vague answers.

An hour of nonstop conversations and interactions, you feel a bit overwhelmed. Excusing yourself from the conversation about something you weren’t paying attention to, you make your way out to the balcony.

Not even a minute later, you hear the door open and close. Closing your eyes in annoyance, you turn to the person to tell them you just wanted a bit of peace when you see who walked through the door.

“Alessia.”

Her lips form a straight line, seeming to not know what to say.

“Y/N. Hi.”

You were frozen, not expecting her to follow you out here.

“Seem’s like we have a thing with meeting up outside of parties.”

“Seem’s like we do.” After a moment of silence and staring, Alessia places herself next to you. “I heard your new album.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, some of my friends are huge fans apparently and that’s how I made the connection that you were, well, you.” She shrugs.

“Yeah… I was hoping you’d have reached out when it came out.”

“Trust me, I wanted to. So bad. But I chickened out.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’ve never slept with someone after knowing them barely a couple of hours and freaked out. I didn’t know if you’d want to see me again, which is stupid now that I think about it cause you write this whole song about me basically ghosting you and how you wished I left my number.”

“Hey, hey. You’re okay. Don’t spiral. No need for that.” You pull her into you, wrapping her up in a tight embrace. “Maybe we should start over? Is that something you want?”

“Yes, please.”

“Well, then.” You step back, holding a hand out. “Hey, I was just over there and saw you and couldn’t help but introduce myself. I’m Y/N.”

“It’s nice to meet you Y/N. Name’s Alessia.” She takes your hand into her’s, shaking it gently.

“Say, Alessia, do you maybe, want to get out of here?”

“I’d love to.”

#woso x reader #woso #greynatomy #woso imagines #woso imagine #engwnt #engwnt x reader #arsenal wfc #alessia russo #alessia russo x reader

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (II)

alexia putellas x sister.

chapter I

~~~~~~

My fingers are dancing on the piano keys, the soft melody leaving my mouth in a quiet hum when Alba walks into my room that night. My mouth closes as the door opens, but my fingers are unstoppable, continuing to abuse the keys as I continue to play the song.

My hands rest on the last keys I pressed when I am done and I think Alba is crying, unless she suddenly has allergies. It is quiet for a few moments before she speaks.

"If you weren't so good at football I would try and convince you to do this forever."

She sighs, standing up and motioning for me to follow her as she laid on my bed. I move beside her, my head now resting on her shoulder.

"I remember when you first played the piano." She smiles, reminiscing on the fond memory. "You were three, you couldn't reach the pedals but you insisted that Papi taught you something. You made us all squish onto the sofa in his office so we could listen to you play and you gave us a very slow and broken version of La Vaca Lechera. It was terrible but Papi was so proud because you had only been playing for a month and could already play with both hands. He picked you up and claimed that you would be the greatest piano player to ever walk the planet. He would be so proud of his pequena superestrella."

"I wish I knew him." They're the only words I can bring myself to say.

"He was a very good man, I miss him a lot. He would have been so proud of Ale with all her football and so proud of you with it too. And your piano. Mami sometimes says to me that you are a mini him."

I realise she is avoiding herself, a habit she got herself into a few years ago, when I followed in Alexia's footsteps by securing my spot in La Masia. She used to be upset, it was unfair. Why had the football gene just skipped her?

"He would be proud of you as well, Alba."

She shrugs, I think she tries to blinks away tears but doesn't succeed because one lands on my head

"I hope so..." she pauses. "It is harder for me to imagine because I am not outstanding at anything like you and Alexia. I am just Alba which is ok but I just don't know what he would be proud of me for."

"There is no such thing as 'just Alba' because you are the best person I know. You don't need to play football for him to be proud of you. Do you realise you are the person we all go to when we need anything? When I am sad, Alba, when I am happy, Alba, when I want to laugh, Alba, when I want to cry, Alba. You are my answer for everything, hermana. That is better than any song on the piano or the biggest trophy there is to be won."

"You are so cute, I love you." She giggles quietly and wraps her arms around me. "Aitana called me earlier and I wanted to come over and make sure you are ok."

"What did she say?"

"Not much, she just asked if everything was ok between you and me and Ale. I didn't tell her the truth, if you were wondering."

"What did you say?"

"I just said that Alexia is struggling with her injuries and that you both are very busy. I don't think she really believed me. Either that or she knows there is something else going on."

I groaned. "She kept giving me looks as we were driving home and it was annoying."

"It's sweet, she's looking out for you." Alba smiles and ruffles my hair. "You are only a little baby to them. 15 is young, pequena!"

"Yeah, well it'd be nice if my own sister did that, wouldn't it." I snap back at her and she recoils slightly.

"You won't let me do anything about it, Elena, so don't get feisty with me! Alexia is complicated and I can't even get anything out of her." She rolls her eyes. Alba is sick of all of the tension. She has been for a while.

"I don't know what to say to her anymore. Does she even know that I was called up?"

"Mami said that she wasn't going to tell her because she wanted her to hear it from you."

"She had no problem telling me when Alexia got a new girlfriend." I'm petty about it, but sometimes I think I deserve to be.

"I cannot believe you still have not met Olga." Alba sighs, flopping back down onto my mattress. "She is very nice, I think you would like her." 

"I am good at getting out of things." I shrug my shoulders and Alba rolls her eyes again. "I don't want to meet her."

"You liked Jenni so much, maybe this could be the same?"

"I still talk to Jenni, on the phone. Maybe we should start an anti- Alexia Putellas club."

Alba groans and sits up, causing me to grunt in annoyance as my head is knocked onto the mattress.

"You know I don't like all of this venom between you two, so please just leave me out of it. I've had enough of you not telling me what the problem is, I am so, so sick of it. You used to be so close that I was jealous of your relationship and now all you do is complain about each other to me." She flops back onto my mattress in frustration.

"You don't understand, Alb, you don't understand what it is like for someone you idolise to practically forget your existence. She used to come to all my games and now she doesn't even know I was called up." She rolls her eyes as I move back to the piano stall, ignoring the way my voice cracked and my eyes sting with tears. 

"Mierda, Elena! How many times do I have to tell you? She has been so busy. I'm sure she has tried to get to them." Even Alba can't explain Alexia's absence. 

"Si, si, you have said that before but you can't understand because she never forgot about you. You didn't used to have an older sister who used to drive you to all of your trainings and games before she decided she was too busy for you and shoved you on the Barcelona busses at the age of 11!" My fingers begin to ghost the keys. Like I said to Aitana, the piano is a good outlet for my emotions. I am glad Mami let me put Papi's old piano into my room. I don't think she is glad when I wake her up in the dark hours of the morning playing loud songs.

"I have an older sister and a younger sister who used to be close and then fell out. I have a father who is dead and a busy mother. We were indestructible, Elena, but look at us now."

My left hand finds a chord and presses down on the four keys, calming my brain down.

"I am sorry that you are hurt by what has happened between Alexia and I, but I am so upset and I don't know what to do."

Alba's eyes softened but I looked down at the keys in front of me, sighing softly as she sat next to me.

"I'm sorry I can't help you more. I don't truly know what happened, but I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"I want that too." A tear found it's way from the back of my eyes but I wiped it away before it had a chance to fall down my cheek.

My fingers picked up another tune, familiarity gracing through my fingertips, the sounds floating around the room. Alba's head rests on my shoulder again and we both tell ourselves it will be ok. Alba likes when I play the piano because if she closes her eyes she can pretend it is our father.

"He was never as good as you are, hermanita."

~~~~~~

The rest of the training week went well. Better than well, but I was mainly just relieved that I wasn't a big disappointment.

The negative of my good performance is that I will be put on the team list. Jonatan pulled me aside after training today and told me I am on it and I thanked him with a smile, hiding my emotions.

I knew my sister was going to find out sooner or later. I'm honestly surprised it has taken her this long, it is not like she has been completely absent from the training grounds. Aitana seems to be the only one who has noticed that me and Alexia have not spoken, but she still has not got anything out of me.

I tell Mami to lock the doors and windows when the team list comes out because I don't want to face Alexia when she inevitably comes over and asks about it. She tells me to stop being ridiculous.

I manage to lock myself in my room when I hear her car coming up the driveway. As soon as she is in the house I climb out the window and walk to the bus stop. I don't want to deal with her tonight. I don't want to deal with her ever, to be honest.

The bus driver smiles at me as I tap on, heading to the back of the bus, no destination in mind. I am happy to just sit there as it drives through my home. My phone is unsurprisingly buzzing of the hook, full of congratulatory messages from friends and family and strangers and fans.

Aitana: *attachment: 1 file* very very proud of you! congrats little lena.

She had screenshotted the team list and put a big heart around my name and I think that might be what started to tears.

But before I knew i could see tears tracking down my face in my reflection as I stared out the window, my mind just wishing that things were normal. Wishing that I was at home celebrating with my family, excited to finally be on the same team as my older sister. I wish I wasn't crying on a bus trying to escape confrontation with my sister who I know will be disappointed that I am on her team.

But this is how it is.

I find myself getting off the bus outside the park near the training grounds, still not sure where I am going. I was considering heading in, practicing my shooting or going to the gym, although I expect they will be closed.

What I don't expect is to hear someone calling out to me.

"Pequena Putellas!" The voice is familiar and I recognise it almost immediately. "What is my little replacement doing out so late in the middle of Barcelona?"

Mapi reached me quickly despite the crutches that she doesn't seem to be relying on too heavily.

"Congratulations, replacement! First team sheet-" she stops when she sees my face. "oh."

"Hola Mapi." I put on a smile but it is a weak effort. "I'm just heading home."

"Si, this is about you and Ale, no?" I look at her curiously and she rolls her eyes. "You don't think I wouldn't have noticed? She is my best friend!"

"And that is why I can't talk to you! I have to go home because they will be looking for me." She rolls her eyes again.

"You are coming over to my house and we are talking about this like grown-ups because you are now a professional athlete. You are not a grown up but you have grown up since I saw you last pequena!" She smiles lightly and uses one arm to pull me into a hug. It is awkward with her crutches. "I have missed you so much." Her words are mumbled quietly into my hair, her arms warming me with comfort and nostalgia. 

Apparently, the new apartment Mapi has moved into with Ingrid is right across the road from the park so we walk back, Mapi getting increasingly frustrated as I become more and more reluctant.

"Maria, please just let me go home?"

She was adamant that she wanted to talk. I just think she wants to know what happened between me and Alexia but I can't tell her. She wouldn't understand. Nobody would understand because everyone would just think I'm being childish and petty. Maybe that's just what I am.

We stand in silence as the elevator takes us up the levels to the apartment.

"Ingrid is not home, she is out with Frido tonight so you do not have to talk to her."

I let out a quiet exhale in relief. Ingrid is nice enough from what I know of her in training but I don't want to have this unwanted conversation in front of anyone else.

Mapi and I used to be close. She was never my favourite but that is mainly because I saw her so often that the novelty of her had worn off quickly and I found myself gravitating away from her at trainings because, like Alexia, she was just always around.

But Mapi loved me like I was her little sister because she never had any of her own. She did a lot for me as a child and tried to pretend that she wasn't offended by my blatant favouritism of other players.

She sat down on the sofa in her living room as soon as she opened the door and I grabbed her crutches that she had thrown on the floor and stood them up against the wall.

"Thankyou, now sit here." She patted the seat beside her and I sat down, my arms crossed. "Do you want to tell me why you were crying alone in the middle of Barcelona, 45 minutes away from home?"

I shook my head.

"Will Mami be mad?" I hate the wobble in my voice.

"No, I texted her and told her you were with me and she said it is ok. She is not mad at you, pequena."

"I don't like being called that anymore." I slumped down in my seat.

"What do you want to be called?" I am surprised that she didn't ask why. I suppose it might be obvious.

"I usually just get called my name." I pause. "Elena."

She smiles lightly, though I can see the water in her eyes.

"I know your name. I know you very well, Lena, I have for a long time but I also know your sister very well and I know that there have been problems for a while now and I know that she is trying her very best to not make it obvious that it is ripping her up and you are doing a very bad job of hiding your sadness. Why did you not tell her you had been called up into the first team?"

I roll my eyes but choose not to respond.

"No, don't roll your eyes at me, peque- Elena. I understand something must have happened but it is big news that you neglected to tell her!"

"What is bigger news? Breaking up with your girlfriend or being called up as a replacement in a football team?"

She hesitated and I continued.

"Getting a new girlfriend or being called up as a replacement? Buying a dog or being called up as a replacement? Being told you are about to win the Ballon d'Or or being called up as a replacement? She told me nothing for so long so don't you dare try and tell me that I should tell her about my life when she does not care to tell me about hers!"

Mapi recoiled and I immediately felt guilty.

"Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. What else has she done to make you upset?"

"No, Mapi, we're not doing this because you don't need to know about what my sister has done to me. I don't need a psychologist, I just need to grow out of being the pathetic and weak baby Putellas. The younger sister of La Reina who has not had to work hard because her pathway has already been paved and everything has been handed to her on a silver platter." My voice is bored, like I am in front of a class, presenting a boring speech that I have practiced in my bedroom for weeks. 

"Why do you say that? Where is this all coming from?" Her voice raises slightly and her arms wave about as she speaks.

"Because it is true, Maria, why else would things be the way they are? I don't deserve this, it's only been given to me because of my surname." My voice is clearly becoming more urgent and I try to calm myself down. It doesn't work. 

"Where are you getting this from? You need to stop making this stuff up in your head and telling it to yourself because it could not be further from the tr-" Mapi's voice was raised, only slightly, but I could hear the wobble in her voice.

"I am not telling myself this stuff, Alexia did! And Alexia is right, she always has been and she always will be. She is a football geek she knows everything."

Mapi pauses, her mouth opening like a goldfish and her eyes staring straight into mine for any hint of exaggeration or lies. She found none. I have never been a liar.

"She... she said that? To you?" Mapi was surprised. How could her best friend have said something like that to the little girl that meant the world to her? "Alexia said that to you?"

I regret my small outburst immediately; I didn't want to tell Mapi. My fingers begin to get restless, my heart racing, my gum held firmly between my teeth. It is in these moments that I would move to the piano and prepare myself to play a song. My fingers ghost imaginary keys by my side as I take a deep breath, preparing myself to beg and plead; to do whatever I need for Mapi to forget everything I just said. 

"No, you cannot say anything, Maria, this is all a lie, I am dramatic, I am making it all up. Please, just forget I said anything. Please." Tears began to slip out of my eyelids and the expression on my face can only be described as desperation.

"calma, calma. vale. I will forget everything and I will not tell anybody, as long as you don't want me to. But pequenita, it is not true, not true at all and you don't deserve for anybody at all to speak to you like that. You are talented, so talented that I am jealous of you, not your natural talents but your work ethic, Elena, your work ethic is admirable. You are so strong and you have worked for every single opportunity you have been offered and do not ever-" I look away from her.

"Look at me, Elena, look." I look towards her again and notice the water in her eyes.

"Do not ever let anybody tell you otherwise and if you do you call me up immediately and they will get a piece of my mind, si?"

I slump into Mapi's familiar arms and let out a small cry and she just squeezes me harder. I haven't ever told anyone that much of the conversation I had with Alexia - not even Alba - and to hear her best friend attempt to squash any of the worries I had about myself was refreshing. My fingers begin to ghost imaginary piano keys, preparing to begin playing a piece.

"Was this before or after you transferred to La Masia? That is around when she stopped going to your games, no?" Her voice was soft and I felt the need to answer.

"It was during the party that Mami held, when my spot at the academy was accepted. That was the reason why I started crying when I was talking to you. You probably don't even remember that, it was so long ago." I let out a dry chuckle and she rubbed her hand down my back.

"I remember. I remember thinking you were not telling me the truth but I had no idea what was wrong. You have been suffering in silence ever since?"

I don't want to nod my head because it feels dramatic to say that. 

"I told Alba only a little bit of it but nobody else knows. Please, please, please don't tell anybody. Not Mami, not Alexia, not anyone. Please." I looked up at her and she stared at me wordlessly for a few moments before exhaling softly.

"Elena..." She pauses again. "As much as I want to go and give your stupid sister a piece of my mind I will not but on the condition that you talk to Alba or your Mami or me or anyone about it, si? Even Alexia. Maybe she has forgotten. But she misses you, that much I can tell."

I nod, wordlessly making a promise that I know I can not keep. She seems to be satisfied though and changes the topic.

"vale, buena. It is too late to drive you home so you will stay here tonight and Ingrid and I will drive you to Johan tomorrow, si?"

I nod, I do not have a choice.

"Is there a piano in this apartment?"

~~~~~~

Mapi saying she had a piano is an overstatement, it is a keyboard with Norwegian inscriptions that was shoved into the corner of the unused study. Apparently Ingrid does not play the piano but has always wanted to learn.

But, I take the equipment for what it is and sit on the stall, flicking through the different sounds for a while before I find something I like. The office chair behind me squeaks as Mapi sits down but I ignore her presence as I place my fingers on the keyboard.

She would have noticed the release of tension in my shoulders when I sat down. She would have noticed the sigh of relief that I released as my fingers placed themselves on the keyboard.

The song starts out slow. Ludovico Einaudi is one of my favourite composers. His notes sing out from the keyboard speakers and soon they become faster and more intense. Nuvole Bianche is a pretty song, in my opinion, and I like to make up stories as I play it whenever I do. Sometimes I relate to the stories and other times I do not.

But the song builds and builds until a brief pause in the middle in which I hear Mapi sniffling and there is shuffling downstairs. Ingrid must have arrived home. The song picks back up quickly and before I know it the last few chords are ringing out through the room and Mapi has come to stand behind me and is rubbing her hand down my back.

"The last song you played me was un elefante se balanceaba and now you are playing this. You made us sing along and you went all the way to 50, we were in there for a long time. But now you have grown up. You are still so young but you have grown up now I am so proud of you."

I can hear the tears in her eyes so I stand up and pull her into a hug. I feel guilty, she is Alexia's best friend and I accidentally slipped what Alexia said which could potentially drive them apart. But I can't help but feel relieved, I feel comfort which is something I have been looking for for such a long time. Mapi used to be like a sister to me. I don't think I even realised how much I have missed her. 

"That song was so hard!"

She chuckles into the hug and I do too.

Maybe I deserve to feel like this every once in a while.

~~~~~~

hope you enjoyed x

chapter III

#woso fanfics #woso #woso imagine #woso one shot #alexia putellas #alexia x reader #barcelona femeni #fcb femení #putellas!reader

[23victoria]

Hecate Moon ✿

charles leclerc x emo/rock!musician!reader

summary: charles leclerc and his sexy musician girlfriend

warnings: cussing, sexual innuendos!

authors note: anon here you go 🤍!! sorry if this isn’t that good, it was kinda rushed, i’m so sorry!! girls are all from pinterest!! sorry for any typos!! any feedback is appreciated and please like, comment, and reblog!! hope you enjoy!!

f1 masterlist

hecatemoonig

liked by charlesleclerc, bellahadid, y/n_ig, zendaya, arianagrande, and 3,256,357 others

something’s coming 💋✨

view comments

username11 i’m so ready!!!

username22 the album is coming yall!!! 🤭🤭

username81 holy fuck!!!

charleslecerc they not ready 👀

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y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, chaseatlantic, hecatemoonig, zendaya, arianagrande, and 4,356,357 others

💫🖤✨💋

view comments

charleslecerc get you a girl that plays bass 🤤

username81 your so hot my lord 🥵!!!

username7 in y/n we trust 🧎🏾‍♀️🧎🏻‍♂️🧎

stany/n mommy, sorry, mommy, sorry, mommy

charleslecerc i’m in love and obsessed with you 😍😘

↳ y/n_ig @.charleslecerc i love you my sexy boyfriend

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hecatemoonig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, chaseatlantic, y/n_ig, theweeknd, arianagrande, and 4,356,357 others

album beauty and dreams out tomorrow 💫

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username55 finna be on replay 🤪

username777 i need it to be tomorrow already 😭

username17 omg i’m so ready 😤

username72 AHHH ITS ALMOST HERE!! 😩😩

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messages

hecatemoonig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, chaseatlantic, dojacat, landonorris, oscarpiastri, arianagrande, and 4,356,337 others

album out now 🖤💫

view comments

username86 my life is better now

charlesleclerc so fucking proud of you guys!!! 🥰

↳ hecatemoonig 🖤✨

username22 this is going to be amamzing

username67 MEDDLE ABOUT FT. CHARLESS?!?! WTF?!

username47 OMG THE TRACKLISTT?!?!!!

username69 FUCK YESS

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charlesleclerc

liked by carlossainzjr, sza, chaseatlantic, y/n_ig, dojacat, arianagrande, and 4,356,357 others

@hecatemoonig ablum is out now!!! so proud of this piece of art it’s incredible!! also my favorite person on earth @y/n_ig has a song with me in here 😉😘

view comments

username01 we love a supportive boyfriend 🤭

username21 streaming now!!!

username31 omg!!! charles is on the album!!!

username10 holy fuck I’m so excited!!!

username91 im so fucking ready for this album

y/n_ig love you sexy 💋

↳ charlesleclerc @y/n_ig love you too baby 😘

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hecatemoonig just posted a new story!

charlesleclerc just posted a new story!!

hecatemoonig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, chaseatlantic, y/n_ig, dojacat, oscarpiastri, arianagrande, and 4,356,357 others

energy was fucking amazing tn!! we love you!!! 🖤💋✨

username11 i need another concert, last night was one for the books frfr 👀🤧

charlesleclerc my girlfriend is fucking amazing 😍

username9 yes yes yes!!

username1 fucking epic!!! i can’t wait for the tour!!! 😘

username7 was fucking amazing!!! ���

charlesleclerc just posted a new story!!

hecatemoonig just posted a new story!!!

y/n_ig & hecatemoonig & charlesleclerc

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, chaseatlantic, y/n_ig, scedueriaferrari, dojacat, landonorris, and 9,556,357 others

meddle about video out now with my sexy ass gf @.y/n_ig 😉💋✨ had a blast filming this one 😘

username1 holy fuck I’m so excited!!!

oscarpiastri that video was unholy, yall are nasty 😓

username2 ik this about to eatt

username5 the tension in the video whewwww 👀🤧

username8 they are so hot 🥵

username4 i love them 😍

landonorris get a room my god 😀

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

#ꨄ࿎victoria’s writings!࿎ꨄ #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x emo!reader #f1 grid #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 #f1 smau #f1 social media au #cl16 #cl16 x reader #cl16 imagine #cl16 x you #cl16 x y/n #cl16 fic

[hoe4sports]

“I wanted tall, I wanted green eyes”

Jessie Fleming x reader

A/N: mentions of symptoms of the flu. Denial of being gay. This is a part of my new Jessie series called 10x better. It’s based off of the song x10 better by Marielle Craft. There will be multiple parts.

-

You groaned as you ripped the paper out of your workbook before cramming it into a ball and chucking it towards the bin. It was close to summer, and the last month of College was wrapping up. You hadn’t really wanted to do college, but you didn’t have anything else going on so your parents pulled some strings to get you into UCLA’s prestigious engineering program going with a major in material engineering. The school had a decent track program where you had excelled into a good athlete. Luckily you had found yourself a bouquet of girls in class and in track who sticked together with you through the college years. The group of you went through all kinds of hardships together as you gradually turned into adults. That had led you to sitting with the girls at a table in the library‘s area specifically dedicated to group projects and talking.

«I cant for the life of me figure this out. It just won’t stick! It really makes no sense.” You huffed at Aubrey who looked just as lost as you did. Normally, you were a decent student. Getting good grades; mostly A’s and B’s but you had the occasional C+. It didn’t bother you at all, grades and school wasn’t what defined you as a human. “What part is it that your stuck on? Maybe I can help?” Your friend Mia suggested. You dramatically flipped your textbook towards her to let her see the materials you were struggling with. She read through the page quickly before taking off her glasses dramatically. “You are on your own kid, I barely passed the test about that part.” It left you with rolling your eyes as you huffed again.

«What about that boyfriend of yours? Isn’t he like supersmart? William or whatever his name was» Ella teased as you laid your head down on the table and covered it with the book. “Ugh” you said. “Ooo, trouble in paradise!” Amalia teased. You sat up and crossed your arms as you shook your head. “Guys, cut her some slack. Y/N, I have a friend who is really smart. She plays soccer with me, I could give you her number” Mia suggested causing everyone to shut up. You sat up interested. “I’m listening” Mia smiled. “Her name is Jessie, she’s the smartest person I know! She told me that I could always ask for help so I supposed I can lend you my favor.” “Deal!” You said as you handed over your phone for Mia to type in the number of your saviour.

—

You sat infront of the big mirror in your down curling your hair like a last minute touch up. Your boyfriend had blown you off once again for studying, so you had decided to hit up Jessie so she could help you study. William was always so busy, always studying or going to his little clubs. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him, but he was just there. Life hadn’t handed over a boyfriend before college, so when William asked; you jumped on it. It wasn’t like people describe it. Like butterflies, romance and giggles. It was just like a friend that you would kiss occasionally. You had settled on the thought of you be a-romantic or asexual, it was painful to know that you were never going to experience the bliss, the romance and the tickling sensation of a relationship. It wasn’t something you wanted people to know, so you decided to keep it to yourself. It was the ugly truth, but it was still the truth that you had to deal with.

-

You sat in the library, waiting for this mystery Jessie to pull up. She was late, 13 minutes late. You hated people who were late, but you made an assumption that practice had ran late. You took a sip of your smoothie as you looked out of the big window infront of you. It was already dark outside, but the campus was buzzing. People were getting ready to push through the last few weeks of school before finishing college. Some of the students already had landed good jobs, some had gotten accepted into further studies, some had planned for a gap year and some people, like you, had no clue what to do. You just didn’t know what was in store for you. Your parents expected you to get a high paying job, but you just wanted to live. They wanted you to get married and have kids. You wanted to travel the world. You had talent in track, and you were pretty close to becoming an established runner in the 1500m and the 3000m. The expectations didn’t fit your dreams, but after all; you could chase your dreams once your parents had passed.

“Y/N?” A voice said behind cutting of your chain of thoughts leaving you to jump in your chair causing all the hairs on your body to rise. You practically whacked your head around somewhat resembling an owl as you turned to the girl next to you. “You are Y/N, right?” The girl said. “Uhm, yea. You must be Jessie? Mia’s friend?” You asked as you desperately tried to shake yourself out of the state of shock. “Yes, correct! I’m sorry for being late, practice went over and I had to shower so I wouldn’t stink out the library” she said as she turned into a shade of light pink. «I get it, i do track» you said as you gestured for Jessie to sit down in front of you. “Here, I brought you a smoothie as a thank you” you said as you pointed towards the cup next to her. Jessie politely accepted as she took a sip before beginning the session.

After a few hours of Jessie explaining the chapter tremendously, you were starting to slowly understand it. At least, enough for you to study the rest the following day. You were busy packing up your backpack with your books, MacBook and iPad when Jessie tapped your shoulder. “Wanna grab something to eat before bedtime?” Jessie’s suggestion was music to your ears as you loved food.

-

At the dining hall, it was pretty much empty. The large room was quiet, like all of the energies had gone to bed and left for the evening. It was a nice hall with tall walls and decent food. You grabbed a piece of pizza, some salad and a Pepsi Mac. Jessie grabbed Fanta to her Mac and cheese. Your conversation was flowing, and Jesse was quite funny. The sight of Jessie was adorable. She had this amazing aura that your soul craved to be around. Her freckles were cute, like a sky of stars in the middle of the night. And her eyes? Oh god, they felt warm and safe. The was she told stories enchanted you. She was the perfect woman, and that confused you. Not perfect like you wanted to be her, but like you wanted to be with her?

You were snapped out of your dreaming when Jessie called your name. “Hm? Sorry? I got distracted” You said as you took a bite of your pizza while waiting for Jessie. “I asked if you wanted to study tomorrow? I have practice at 5.30, but I’m free by 7” she said as you nodded. Oh god, did you seem desperate? Why were you like this? It felt like your skin was on fire. “Uh, yea, I have track at 5, but I’m free after 7” you confirmed as you changed the subject talking about how Mia had ended up falling asleep in a bush after a party during your freshman year.

After eating, Jessie insisted on following you back to your dorm. The walk from the community building to your dorm was refreshing. The chill spring air was crisp, cooling down your burning skin. It made your curled hair blow in the wind, just like in one of the dumb teenage movies you watched as a kid. The wind was however leaving you slightly cold as you had just worn a simple tank top with flowers printed on it for the day. You felt your body forcing you into a slight shiver, but before you were able to say something; Jessie had already wrapped her jacket around you.

When you reached your dorm, Jessie hugged you goodbye. She insisted on you keeping her jacket until tomorrow’s session which you honestly didn’t mind. You swung the door open as you waved after her and slipped into the dorm before flopping down on your bed with your backpack still on and your face looking up into the ceiling. Your skin felt even warmer now, it was practically boiling hot and your stomach was hurting. It felt uneasy, like it was tickling. It wasn’t a common feeling, and you were hoping that it wasn’t gonna turn into the y when you had plans with Jessie the next day.

“So, how was it?” Mia said as you looked into the ceiling. “Normal, it was studying” you said as you touched your burning cheeks with your cool hand. “Girl, you are blushing! Do you like Jessie?” Mia asked with seriousness in her voice. “I’m not blushing! Jessie is a friend, and I’m not into girls” you tried to advocate for yourself, but it turned out to be a miserable attempt of redemption. “You are not into girls? You came in her all smiling with stars in your eyes” she suggested as you sat up in your bed to look at her. Sure, Jessie was fun, kind, caring, sincere, smart. Pretty much all the positive verbs in the English language, but did that mean that you liked Jessie. “Besides my stomach hurts and I feel feverish, so I’m gonna go to bed miss noisy” you said as you took off Jessie’s jacket.

Mia raised an eyebrow at you. “Jessie’s jacket? You are not feverish; it’s called blushing. Your stomach dosent hurt; it’s called being in love. You like Jessie, and it’s okay! William is as interesting as drying paint” Mia finished as she grabbed her book and got cozy in her bed. “I don’t like girls! And William is tall and he has green eyes” you said as you hid your face in your pillow. Could it be that you actually liked Jessie? It wasn’t possible because you were aromantic. “Is that the best words you can use to describe him? Girl, get your ass down to earth! It’s okay to have a little crush! Mia continued as you buried your face even deeper down in the pillow. She had a point, but you were not sure. You felt like you couldn’t trust yourself. You ended up huffing in a respond hoping Mia would let you off the hook.

“I don’t know who you are trying to convince out of us two; but it’s not me.”

#woso imagine #woso x reader #jessie fleming x reader #jessie fleming

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 11 (Part 2 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; EMDR (VIVID intro to revisiting traumatic situations); crying + feelings of sadness; heart issues (POTs); use of heart monitors; dangerously high heart rate; implied abusive situations; derogatory verbiage from past abuser; implied drug use; very unsanitary living conditions; visits to safe place; usage of containment strategy * * * revisited, vivid memories of sexual encounters; body changes as a result of pregnancy; talks of baby + pregnancy; pregnancy hormones (+ continuing to act on them ;)); reader and jake continue to be STUBBORN; cheating; heavy petting; forgetfulness (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 11 (Part 2) Word Count: 23.9k+

a/n: i broke my promise, i know. :( i feel absolutely fucking terrible that i made you all wait, but life happens. :'( i wish this story was my main priority/job, but alas...that dream is not a reality. i need you all to know: when i say i'm going to do something, i fully intend on it, but...life (and crippling adhd + anxiety).

i am so incredibly sorry, my lovely readers. :(

also, life update to blame (only if you care to read). BUT, on top of trying to get my house completely cleaned/shit thrown away, i officially had to empty out my classroom (see also: due to toxic work enviro, i had to leave the career i've wanted to live out since i was six y/o). so, i'm currently in the process of completely shifting careers (going from one emotionally taxing career to another, but that is apparently the type of job my heart desires lol).

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits <3 i love you to the ends of the earth, lis. you're my person. <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

"I covet truth; beauty is unripe childhood's cheat; I leave it behind with the games of youth."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

-🌼🌼🌼-

Monday

December 12, 2022

“So, any news on the baby since I last saw you?” Gia started, a sure smile on her face that helped ease you. “You had your second appointment on Thursday, right?”

“No,” you shook your head. “Dr. Rose wanted to just wait until closer to Week 18 so we could find out the gender at one session rather than having to wait between week 16 and week 18. Knock everything out at once,” you explained, clearing your throat. Looking around the office, you admired the pieces of floral art littering the walls, as you always did. “We’re going this Friday now.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Gia asked, raising a brow. She was rolling to her desk, getting the (seemingly) last thing she needed for your session today and placing it in her lap. “Not stressed about putting it off?”

“No, actually. I’m not stressed at all,” you acknowledged, sticking your lip out in thought. You hadn’t even thought to be stressed yet. Progress? Sure seemed like it. “It’s strange; the longer time passes, the bigger I get. . . The worries just aren’t as prevalent. It’s like I can feel that the baby is okay.”

“Not strange at all, babe,” Gia reassured with a shake of her head. Her platinum blonde hair was wavy today, framing her angular face perfectly. “Completely normal for new mothers to sort of get used to the pregnancy enough to feel at peace, per se. And I am so proud of you for getting to that point.”

“Well thanks,” you grinned crookedly, trying your best to settle into the worn, camel-colored leather of her sofa. “Can’t say the same for today’s session though. . . I am nervous about it.”

Gia waved it away, showing you a look of ease on her stark features. “No need. You’re the one in control, girly,” she winked, placing both white-sneakered feet on the ground. 

She reached in her desk drawer for the little pouch, the familiar one that you knew held the device you’d be using today. A sudden wave of nerves began to crash over you as she unzipped it, revealing it and the paddles that would be the catalyst in placing your brain. . .elsewhere— somewhere. 

Somewhere bad? Good? In-between?

“Here’s the plan,” she started, wheeling her chair closer to the couch, where you were trying your damnedest to sit comfortably. “We’ll start with your safe place to give you some sense of peace and stability — gotta make sure it’s still fresh and open in your mind.” 

You watched as she turned the knob of the device, the little green light beginning to blink to notate that it’s on. “Then,” she continued, situating the device to look it over before her green eyes settled back on you. “Once you feel comfortable, I’ll tell you to begin walking away. Whatever direction you’d like to go, it’s completely up to you.” 

Gia held the paddles out in front of you, and with clammy, shaky palms, you tentatively took hold of them. One in each hand, just like last time.

You couldn’t stop worrying about where you’d end up, where you’d walk away to. Walking away from your beautiful field, from Jake. . . What if you couldn’t do it? 

“Will I. . .,” you cleared your throat, nervous. “If where I go is too hard, do I just—,” you panicked, unable to properly finish your sentence due to an onslaught of nerves. “What will I do?”

You were fumbling with your words and clarity, before she interjected, knowing just where your mind was going. “I’ll simply tell you to walk back to your safe place. I’ll be talking you through it, I’ll be right here the whole time — just gotta keep your ears open for me,” she winked, clicking open her iPad and testing her Apple pencil on the screen, readying to take notes. 

“And, if at any point I see your body language change to indicate any distress, I’ll guide you back to your safe place, okay?” She soothingly told you the words, her full pink lips widening to a sweet smile, clicking her pencil into its spot at the top of her iPad case. “Remember, my specialized area is EMDR. I’ve done it multiple times before this – successfully. I plan to complete this successfully with you, too, y/n.”

When you gave her a small, timid smile, she took that as an indicator to continue on with her little speech. The tiny faux grin on your otherwise concerned face was the most emotion you could muster in that moment. 

“It will hurt from time to time. I can’t take that away. It will be harder than most other things you’ve ever had to do.” She paused, her own brows curving to show care for your rigid state. Gia reached forward to unwrap your hands from the paddles gently. Once she had a hold on your hands, she rubbed the backs of them reassuringly, her thumbs so soft with their intricate patterns. You looked down to study the patterns, working to focus on something else and rid yourself of the nerves. 

“Y/n.” She stated your name, making you look up at her. Her seafoam-colored eyes grabbed yours. “Before we begin. . . I want to make sure – once more – that you are sure about this . . . that you want to continue. We’ve talked about it a lot, but I want you to be sure. There are other routes of therapy. . .”

“No,” you replied, completely sure of your decision. “No. I want to do this. I promise I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want to change my mind,” you rushed out, desperate for her to understand you. “I’m just–just scared. Is that not okay?”

You didn’t mean to sound defensive, but your biting tone contradicted that. The nerves were wracking you, from the inside out. 

Luckily, Gia seemed unphased, keeping with her featherlight touch to the backs of your hands. “It absolutely is okay to be scared,” she confirmed, tone firm and soft all at once. “But, I need you to keep in mind: you are in charge this time. You have the power. We will approach these places in the now – you are in the driver’s seat of conquering these past battles. We’re in this together, love – and we will make it out stronger and better than before we started.”

Her voice assured you, of course. But the fear was still ever-present. 

Sure, you did have control. But what if you couldn’t control where you went? 

Where would you go? That was what scared you most. Your mind was bound to let loose. It was one telling part of this sort of therapy. You didn’t really know what had been hiding deep in the drawers of the credenza in your mind. . .  

Hence you being here.

You just knew, whatever it was lying beneath the surface — you knew it was. . . a lot. 

Then, as if she could hear the additional fearful thoughts swimming in your brain, she grasped your hands tighter in hers, moving to rub her thumbs over the tops of your knuckles. “You’ll be just fine. We’ve got a solid plan, babe. I just need you to trust me, and I need you to trust yourself. If you need to walk away, tell me and we’ll do it. That is in our power – your power.” Her pristinely white, pearly teeth were on display as she looked deep into your worried eyes. “We can do this, okay?”

We. I’m not alone. 

You’d never had a single doubt about Gia. Of course you trusted her. But. . .maybe the true problem was trusting yourself. . . Over the past several months, you were finding that to be a bit more difficult. 

But, Gia was right. You had to put some trust in yourself to know when you needed to step away. You could do it. You had to.

And knowing that she had a plan and had done it so many times before. . . Those were relieving thoughts, to say the very least. She knew what she was doing, and she knew what was best for you. 

I can do this, you recited to yourself. I can. . .

You sighed, out of both relief and persistent worry. “I trust you,” you told her, another somewhat forced smile following your words. “And I’ll learn to trust myself. . . I’ll try my best,” you grinned sheepishly. “We’ve got this.”

“Good deal,” she responded with a far more sincere smile than you could offer. “There’s just one more thing we need to do before we get started.” 

She clicked her iPad closed, wheeling back toward her desk, reaching down in the same drawer she pulled the device from. Only this time, she pulled out a large legal style, white notepad, and a large box of Crayola markers. Lastly, she grabbed a flawlessly sharpened pencil from the ceramic baby blue jar, covered in white roses, next to her keyboard. 

What could she be up to? You wondered, eyebrows drawn together. 

“I need you to describe something for me, something visual to lock any horrible memory away in.” She took a sip of her tea, which sat atop her desk, before she stood up from her chair. She came to sit directly next to you on her couch. The smell of eucalyptus that swirled off of her, from her perfume, was soothing. “You need to give it lots of detail, make it unique. I’ll even draw it for you,” she held up the notepad, pointing to it with a gentle smile. “Seeing it visually will help you when it’s time to lock the memories away mentally. Some people want a box, a filing cabinet, a treasure chest,” she laughed, and you giggled at that one, too. Jake would love that one. Buried treasure, like his pirate documentaries. . . “Whatever you want. You just tell me exactly what you want it to look like.” 

Something about this felt a little silly, but you understood the purpose for it. Just having a place to put the memories after you visited them, it felt like closure. A special sort of closure at the end of every session, just like your safe place felt like closure. . .

And then, you knew what you wanted it to look like. Saw the image, clear as day, in your mind. It felt significant to you, it felt right. There was no question. 

But, you had a thought.

“Would–would it be okay if I drew it?” You questioned carefully. 

She eagerly handed you the notepad, markers and pen with a huge smile. “Absolutely. That’s called trusting yourself big time, girly. This box is a special one!” Her voice was wet as she sniffled. “I’m not supposed to get so emotional with my clients, but I’m proud of you. You’re making great strides and we’ve barely started.”

“Thanks,” you replied, feeling a bit encouraged, your own throat tight as you reviewed her once more with a glance. 

Then, sticking the tip of your tongue out from the corner of your mouth, you looked down at the paper, and began. 

A small, wooden box was all you could see in your mind. So, you drew it out, as best you could, given your lack of artistic abilities.

One side, then the other, the bottom, the top. . .

Before you knew it, you had a perfect, rectangular box on the stripped notebook paper. Then, it was time for the important part: the details. 

There was only one element that felt right — felt safe — to decorate the box with. 

Scouring through the markers, you found two perfect shades of purple at the bottom — two very different shades, to add depth. You weren’t an artist, really, but you could pretend for the box’s sake. 

Then, you searched for the greenest green you could find. One more marker in a shade of dark brown, and you were ready to draw the box exactly as you saw it in your mind. 

You began drawing tiny individual stalks of lavender on top of the box. You filled in their blooms with the purples, drawing their stems underneath with the green. Their placement may have seemed scattered across the top, but you kept going. To you, it made sense. And that was all that mattered. 

One bloom in the top left corner, one diagonal from it in the bottom right corner. Then, there was one on the bottom left going straight up and down, with a slight curve to the stem. . . And one more, laying on its side directly in the middle. . .

It was perfect. Just as you’d imagined.

You filled in the blank spaces with the brown marker, immulating the antiqued, stained mahogany wood you were envisioning. 

And once you filled it all in, your vision had come to life right before your own eyes. It was the ideal picture of what you saw, and despite the fact that you were no artist, it was beautiful. You loved it. Looking at it forced emotions you weren’t expecting, so many big emotions that begged to be surfaced. 

And for whatever reason, looking at it made you think of the baby. This beautiful, hand drawn box held a strange connection to the life you and Jake had created, though you couldn’t explain how. . . 

But, you felt it. You felt it so strongly. 

“Lavender means a lot to you, doesn’t it?” Gia asked you, smiling and wiping away a stray tear that sat on top of her highlighted cheekbone. “It’s very lovely, y/n. And I’m so glad that you drew it.”

You contemplated her question about lavender. You’d never considered just how prevalent it was in all of your happy places. . . But, it was. It meant so much. . . 

Who knew that such a simple plant could bring you so much comfort? So much peace? 

A tear came to your eye at the thought of how special the plant had become to you. . . It was really no secret why it’d become special. 

Gia leaned over, giving you a small side hug, but didn’t linger before making her way back to her chair. She sat at the edge of it, elbows placed on both knees as she clasped her hands at the front. 

“How are we feeling?” She asked, sniffling once more as she looked you directly in the eyes. “A little better now that we have our box?”

“Yes,” you nodded, wiping under your eye to rid yourself of any tears. “The box idea is genius.”

“The technical term is containment. Again, it’s simply where the client creates a space to store the distressing memories. I want to emphasize that the memories aren’t coming back to control you, rather you’re the one controlling them. And, the box’s containment of the unpleasant memories gives you a little extra control over these memories and the emotions attached to them. They’re yours to deal with,” she explained softly. “You done with the notebook and pens?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you nodded eagerly, handing the materials back to her. You went over her words in your head, extra control. . . the idea of that sounded wonderful to you. Those words aided in lifting a decent amount of weight from your nervous body. 

She took the materials from you, and as she did so, you decided to take the paddles in your hands once more, feeling much more confident. 

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, rolling back in her tufted chair to put the markers and pencils back on the desk. “I definitely can’t take credit for the idea of containing those horrendous memories in a certain area. . . but it has proven wonderfully effective for every client I’ve practiced this form of therapy with,” she explained further, coming back to sit in front of you, wheeling smoothly back towards you. When she was about two feet away from you, she stopped and observed the picture of your box, the notepad still in her lap. “Do you have a clear idea of the box in your mind?”

“The clearest,” you affirmed, no question in your mind of the precise placement of each piece of lavender. The exact color of mahogany that you’d depicted for the wood, sealed in your brain. 

“Wonderful. Well, I’m going to hold it so I can get a good idea of it; just in case you need help finding it at any point,” she said, eyes scanning the page as she spoke. “I’d love to see this in real life – it’s gorgeous.”

“I think so, too,” you grinned, eyes twinkling. And, suddenly, your body felt light in a way that could only indicate one thing. . . you knew there was no time like the present. “I’m ready.” 

Gia looked up at your words, her own eyes donning a spark as she tucked the notepad onto her lap. “If you’re ready, I’m ready,” she smiled kindly, her eyes trustworthy and open for opportunity. “First things first. Make yourself as comfortable as you need to. Sit, lay down. . . it’s up to you.”

You kept yourself upright on the couch, allowing yourself to sink back into its cushions a bit more. And for some reason, the thought of crossing your legs, criss-cross applesauce came to mind. So, you did just that, bringing your legs up to the couch and criss-crossing one over the other. You looked at your belly as you did. A timid grin crept along your lips at the thought of knowing you didn't have much longer until you’d no longer be able to do this. 

Thank you, sweet baby.

With one deep breath in, you felt your stiff limbs loosen with the comfort of the new position you found yourself in. And with the exhale, you looked down at the paddles in your hands, holding them probably a bit too tight as you felt your nails digging into your clammy palms. Still yet, you kept your grip, somehow feeling a bit more secure that way. 

“Nice and comfy?” Gia asked, her warm, knowing smile aiding in relaxing your body even more. 

You looked down at your hands, smoothing your thumbs over the cool plastic of the paddles. You knew this was it, that this could begin to change a lot; it could change everything. The thought of change was a frightening one, but with this change would come a healing journey like you’d never known. For you, for the baby, for  Jake, even. . .

“As I’ll ever be,” you confidently answered. You were ready to embark on this expedition of mending. 

“Perfect,” she said, her voice soft, reassuring. “Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths. Let yourself relax.”

You did as she said, and with one breath in through your nose and blowing it slowly out of your mouth, you closed your eyes. 

You felt your chest rise and fall with each breath. You began to breathe deeper and easier the longer your eyes were closed. 

“Good job.” You heard her sweet voice, feeling comforted by the simple fact that you knew she was still with you. Though you could no longer see her, you felt her. And that was more than enough. “I’ll start the paddles off slowly, just like last time. Turning them on in 3, 2. . .” 

Your body instinctively jolted at the light humming sensation you felt against your palms, your eyes closing a little tighter. But, you quickly remembered the feeling from last time and it didn’t take you very long to get used to it. You even found a little relief in the alternating vibrations. Their consistent rhythm worked to ease your mind. Your eyes, though still closed, instinctively followed in the back and forth motion of the pulsations in your palms. 

“Does this speed feel okay?” You heard her ask, her voice suddenly becoming more distant as you let yourself focus on the steady thrumming of the paddles. 

“Yes,” you whispered, the sound of your voice echoing as though you were in a long, narrow tunnel. “Feels good.” 

“We’ll start with establishing your safe place, y/n. Go ahead and start walking to it. Lead the way.” 

My safe place. 

Suddenly, as though the mere mention of it had  some sort of ability to transcend you there, you began feeling the familiar cool breeze against your face. Faint sounds of the birds singing in the forest of trees filled your ears, becoming a bit louder as you found your footing against the lightly dampened grass beneath your feet. “The birds,” you felt yourself say. “They’re singing, their chirps are becoming clearer now.” 

“Wonderful.” Her voice was heard all around you, echoing against the wind. “Tell me what you see.” 

Your eyes, still physically shut, began to open in your mind. They squinted at the bright, warm rays from the sun. And as you turned your face upwards toward the sky, you could feel the radiance of the rays against your skin. 

And, as you peered a few feet ahead of you, you witnessed a beautiful family of deer were perusing the lush meadow. 

“The sun. . . It’s so beautiful and bright, but it doesn’t hurt to look at it,” you shared with her, squinting towards it with no negative effect, shocked by the fact. “And the deer. So innocent and pure. They’re so near to me, but not scared of me at all.”

“You’re doing amazing, y/n. Keep going, tell me what you can touch, what you can smell.” Her voice carried throughout the trees like the wind, meshing beautifully with the songs of the birds. 

Bending down, you ran your fingers through the dewy blades of grass. They felt cool, soft. Like a blanket of emerald velvet. “The grass. It’s soft, a little wet.”

And then, the smells. The fragrance of freshly rain coated grass, as though an evening shower had just finished nourishing the ground before you’d arrived. The rainfall, sustaining the life of the pasture, the jude green grasses, the illustrious amethyst plant surrounding you. . . 

The divine aroma from your favored flower overwhelmed your senses in the most alluring way. The bloomed field, surrounding you, holding you carefully in its gentle grasp. 

“The lavender,” you felt yourself say, eagerly. “I can smell it, so fresh and clean; the sense of calm it brings me. . .” 

You then felt the paddles pick up in their speed, ever so slightly, but enough that you could tell.

“Oh yes, your lavender,” Gia hushed as she positively tracked with you. 

My lavender. 

Gently, you sat your body down in the midst of the flowers. And once you did, you felt the urge to place your hands against your tummy, to feel the baby, just like last time. 

There you are, right where you belong, you thought when you felt the smooth bump beneath your hands. 

You felt nearly complete, nearly, but you knew something was still missing—someone. 

And just when you started to look beyond the stems of lavender to find him, there he was. 

Clad in the very same navy blue, three piece suit you’d seen him in the first time. The rays from the sun bounced off of his chestnut locks, his tanned skin radiant and glowing. 

With a soft, lopsided smile, he slowly walked toward you. The vision of him, walking amongst the stalks of lavender as they gently swayed from the light breeze against his calves. . . You felt yourself sigh with relief. 

This was safe. This was home. 

Once he approached you in what felt like no time at all, he laid down right beside you, extending one arm out for you to join him. And as you did, letting yourself at last melt into his warm embrace, you were finally there. 

Your safest place.

“I’m here now,” you muttered, feeling yourself smile warmly as you did. “And I’m safe.” 

“Enjoy it for a moment, let it sink in, put yourself at ease.” You heard Gia’s voice, but the more you focused on Jake, the more distant she became. 

You found yourself gazing into his eyes, sparkling like golden gems, as he cradled you in the crook of his arm. 

In his amber-brown eyes, you saw your haven, your sanctuary of serenity. 

A gentle smile graced his lips as he reached up, tenderly brushing a few strands of hair behind your ear. “It’s time to step away now, y/n,” he told you. Though, you knew it was truthfully Gia telling you, you heard Jake’s voice. You watched his lips move as he spoke, “You can do this. I’m right here.” 

Again, you knew the words were coming from Gia. But, hearing them in his voice, as much as you didn’t want to leave him, it was the final push you needed. 

It was time. 

With only a bit of resistance, you sat up, slowly standing to your feet and urged yourself forward towards the unknown. When you looked back, you saw Jake standing gracefully amongst the fragrant blooms of your lavender. 

Home, you thought. He looks like home. 

With one final sigh, and with the most strength you were sure you’d ever mustered, you walked away from him. 

Your hands found your belly for some extra courage as you stepped away, everything turning black for a moment once you got far enough. But, the further you went, a tiny, dim light caught your attention. It initially seemed like miles away, but with every step you took, it became worlds closer. 

A lamp. You could finally see it. It was old, dusty. It was sitting atop a table, from what you could tell. . . 

With one more step, the full picture started to come to you. You’d guessed right — it sat on top of a round, wooden table that only had one leg in the center, making it lean a little to the left. The white, canvas lampshade was stained so badly. . . 

The stains were reminiscent of those that come from years of smoking cigarettes near it. 

In fact, you were shocked that you could tell it had ever been white. 

As the image became more clear, you saw a black ash tray next to the lamp, full of cigarette butts, all but confirming your cigarette theory. You could smell the smoke, too, as though someone had just finished one off. The stench was putrid, the chemically treated tobacco mixed disgustingly with the other trash laying on the table. 

To the right, you saw a sofa. The blue cloth over the cushions, stained just like the lamp, was tattered and worn. It was full of holes. Tiny, black holes. Cigarette burns?

God, the smell was nearly becoming too much. It was so strong, potent. Cigarettes and filth. Utter filth. Filth that you suddenly began to remember being suffocated by as a child.  

No wonder you liked things so pristinely clean. . .

The shag carpet beneath your feet felt like it had never been vacuumed after years of wear. It was littered with half empty beer cans, more cigarette butts, rat droppings. . .

God — the fucking smell. A triggering smell—one that had your stomach turning to the point that vomit rose in your throat. 

The paddles sped up a bit more, much more noticeably this time as they forced your brain to grasp what you were experiencing. 

“Tell me what you see, y/n. Tell me where you are.” It was no longer Jake’s voice that you were hearing, it was once again Gia’s. And though you missed the sound of his, you were so happy to hear her, reminding you that she was still there. 

This was the past. Gia was the present. You were with Gia.

You stepped to the side, glancing around the room you were standing in, trying with all of your might to not allow the stench to make you sick. 

“It’s—I’m in a living room, I think. . .?” You noticed a television set, one from the late nineties with a built-in VCR, sitting on top of a makeshift table made of three small slabs of particle board. 

The more you looked around, you noticed there was only one average-sized window in the whole room, next to the white front door. The door was scuffed to hell and looked ready to give at any second. The blinds attached to the window were ripped to shreds, hardly hanging onto the frame. 

“Y-yeah, it’s a living room. It’s. . .It was our living room. One of them, at least. I’m fully beginning to. . . To recognize it. . .”

You’d lived in so many homes as a child, seen many living rooms. But this one, this home and the walls surrounding you. . .this one was different. While most homes from your childhood didn’t leave you with happy memories, this one felt—evil. This had been a personal hell.

Anxiety, heavy sadness. . . this room was wrought with it.

And as you heard a certain laugh, deep and throaty, from the next room over, your stomach churned and your mind went fuzzy. That sound. It was vile and thick with too many years of smoking. That particular laugh was associated with ugliness and gut-wrenching fear. 

The man that the laugh was attached to. . . This was his house. You remembered that now. There was no safety here. This place was only associated with feeling powerless, forgotten, and lonely. 

The paddles wiggled in your hands, the vibrations reaching your worn nerves.

Elsie was here, though. Somewhere. You knew that. 

And Elsie had helped in making it less lonely — just knowing she was in this past-tense moment filled you with ease. Your sister was here. 

Though, you knew for past Elsie, she was still trapped. Even though she comforted this adult version of you that was invading. . . there was still no escape for little girl Elsie. 

This place had been desolate, with no chance for escape. You’d been tied here by invisible rope.

Fuck. Where was your sister? You could feel her near, but she wasn’t in the living room with you. Your skin prickled at what she could be experiencing. . . You couldn’t fully wrap your brain around it. 

But this was the past. Right now, you just needed to focus on your surroundings.

Living room. The living room. 

Your mind was quickly skirting back to your present placement. And, rather than standing, you suddenly realized you were sitting on the ground. Strangely, your hands in the memory were free of the paddles, tucked safely in your lap, shaking. . . And not daring to touch the dirty, shaggy carpet. 

For a split second, you wondered. . . Why were you not sitting on the couch or a chair? And why were you sitting in a place you felt you couldn’t move from? Was this how you’d been placed originally? In the past? 

You observed the wobbly dinner table in front of you and realized it had zero chairs. And on a second glance around the room, you noticed something you hadn’t before. . . a sleeping form on the couch. 

So, it seemed, with the occupied couch being the only other piece of furniture in the living room besides the table. . . the floor had been your only option. 

You used the unconscious state of the room’s other occupant to your advantage and turned a bit to observe the person. The person’s face wasn’t visible and their body was covered in a blanket filled with holes and torn more than it wasn’t. But. . . You could see hair. 

Blonde. Yellow-blonde. Box-dyed with the cheapest dye. 

Long hair, ratty and knotted to the point of almost no fixing it. The way the strands shone a little bit under the dim lighting from the old, dusty lamp showed you it was very oily as well. . . It wasn’t a healthy shine. 

The person on the couch, from what you could see, was far from healthy in any capacity. The body looked malnourished through the blanket’s holes. At closer inspection, you noticed an arm dangling off the sofa, peeking from the blanket. 

The arm was littered in tiny holes and scars. . . from heroin injections, multiple cigarette burns. . . Then there was the red, irritated acne that littered the pale skin, between the various marks. 

Poor thing. What a dreaded way to live life. . . Your heart broke in your chest and tears sprung to your tired eyes as your hand clutched at your tummy. 

You could do that in the memory. You were you in the present, yet placed like you’d been in the past. . . so weird.

All you knew was you had a sense to protect the untouched life in your womb. The feeling of being a protector to your child was unparalleled to anything in this moment. . . You would never let the little life inside of you bear witness to anything like you had as a child. . .

Like your current situation. 

Or, past situation, rather. . . This was not real. Not in the present. This was controlled — controllable.

The paddles jolted in your real hands, helping you to center you.

“Y/n,” Gia’s voice broke through your psyche, touching your brain delicately. You let out a sigh of relief at the sound of her soft spoken tone. “Can you hear me, girly?”

You nodded, but weren’t sure if she could see it or if the action was only visible in your dreamlike stupor. This was so weird. . . 

So, you decided to respond the best you could with words. “Y—yeah,” you stuttered out, blinking rapidly as you tried (and failed) to keep tears at bay. “This is. . . So familiar, yet so forgotten. . .,” your voice faded out. 

Your eyes in the memory were now pinched shut, trying to keep the laughter you could still hear from the kitchen (because, yes, you somehow knew exactly where it was coming from) far away. 

But it just seemed to be getting closer. . .

“Tell me where you are, y/n,” Gia requested, soothing, yet strong. “Take me with you. You are going to be okay.”

“I—I can’t—,” gasping, you shook your head. 

Willing the menacing, thick chuckle to fade, you squinted your eyes open slowly, tried to refocus on the living room to tell Gia what you could. Your hands still held your belly, but your thighs came closer to your chest. You wanted to scrunch up and stay in your bubble. 

“Y/n.”

Your blood ran cold and your skin prickled harshly with goosebumps. Fear. Terror. Dread.

The voice wasn’t Gia’s. It wasn’t Jake’s. No. It was coming from behind you. The person on the couch. The worn down, baby blue fabric couch. The navy blue patterns of it, a distant memory, washing back quickly like a flood. . . 

This was definitely a memory. A real thing that had happened in the past. This had happened before. It was deeply repressed. 

A dark memory. Bad. So, so bad.

You felt dirty for more reasons than one now. . . 

Looking down, you noticed your outfit had changed. Though you still looked as you currently did in 2022, you were wearing an outfit you had as a child. The attire made your skin crawl. 

This pajama set, you were made to wear it more often than not.

A tiny, satin set. Too small for you to properly fit into. How old were you? Nine? Ten? Was this right before you went to live with. . .?

“Pig.”

No. Not that nickname. No no no.

You hadn’t heard that since your mother had called you–.

The person on the couch.

“Piggy.”

Did you have it in yourself to face her? Could you? What would happen if you didn’t? No. No.

You had to. The baby, safe in your belly. . . that baby needed a mom who could face her demons and not fall to them. 

. . .Fall to them like the shell of a woman, on the couch behind you, had fallen to hers. 

You felt crippled with fear, but brave beyond comparison all at once. . .

The steady tremors from the paddles in your hands were the best help you could’ve had in the moment, reminding you of your power. . .

And, once you’d given yourself the strength to swivel your body to meet her eyes. . . there she was. 

A woman whose face had become a shadow since she’d left you. The moment she’d left you. . .a mess of snot and tears, head throbbing as it laid on Elsie’s shoulder, desperate to understand a mother that had never seemed to love you. 

Your eyes were her eyes. Thankfully, that was about where the similarities in your features stopped. 

She was paler than you. Her lips, thin and cracked from lack of hydration where yours were full. Her cheekbones were sharp and protruded more than they should. . . Your cheekbones, defined, yet concealed under soft skin you took very good care of . . . 

And her face. . . It also lacked freckles. You had the tiniest spatter of light freckles that sat at the tops of your cheeks. Your freckles, mimicking angel kisses, which stayed mostly hidden save for the summertime when they’d make an appearance after exposure from the sun. Her skin was washed out, lacking color. It was as if she hadn’t even been exposed to the sun for a long, long time. . .

Perhaps you might’ve looked more like her than you could tell at this moment. But, right now, all you saw was a sunken face, holding more wrinkles and lines than a woman her age should hone. And, her eyes,  even if they looked like yours initially, were glassy and hollow from too many drugs. . . 

Right now, they held uncertainty and a rage that was becoming more and more apparent the longer you looked into her eyes. . .

She looked lost. . . Confused, yet furious. 

The fury, pointed towards you. 

“Get. Up,” your mother ordered, voice cracking a bit, spit flying past her chapped lips. The tone of her voice. . . it made your heart jump into your throat. “Do your job, Pig.”

Before you could respond, you felt heavy footsteps make their way into the living room, shaking the weak structure of the small home that seemed to be falling apart around you. 

“Move, you lazy drug slut,” a booming voice growled. You knew it was aimed towards your mother. “Give little Piggy some space to sit next to Mr. Morgan, hm?”

Mr. Morgan.

The paddles buzzed in your hands, re-centering you. 

You didn’t dare look at the man who’d entered the room behind you, knowing it was the same man attached to the laughter from the kitchen. 

So, it was only out of your peripheral vision when you noticed him round to the other side of you, getting close to your mom. The next thing you saw, faded from the corner of your eye, were fat, sausage-like fingers reaching to yank the thin blanket off your mother. The unmasked view of her figure broke your heart further, her body shaking, bones on full display through her papery skin, begging for a fix. . . 

It didn’t take long for those same fingers to forcefully clutch her shoulder and yank her up. You could’ve sworn you heard the bones in her shoulder crack, but she barely let out a yelp. It was more of a tired groan, eyes closed and eyebrows drawn in with irritation towards being disturbed. 

But, she shook more. . . Her bones, most likely rattling under her skin. And this time, you knew it was more from nerves and terror, than lack of drugs. She was just trying to play tough.

Mr. Morgan (the name, making bile rise in your throat) came to sit at the end of the couch, but your eyes once again drew shut and your body became rigid. Even if you were facing the couch, you still only kept your body towards your mother’s. She wasn’t safe, by any means. But she wasn’t Mr. Morgan. 

You couldn’t look at him. The vile smell of him alone, sweat and grime from lack of showering. . . You were going to hurl on the spot. The way the nausea quickly began to rise in the hollow of your throat, you knew there was no time to get out now. . . Your heartbeat was thrumming so vigorously in your chest, you felt like you were going to choke on its strength.

Then the ugly, bitter laughter was back again. . . Right in front of you this time, your mother moaning next to him. . .

A distant beeping in the background. . . what? Where was that coming–?

The intensity of the paddles increased, the vibrations working to balance you amidst the fear.

“Open your eyes, Pig,” Mr. Morgan grunted, reprimanding you. His voice was stark and loud against the decaying walls of the living room. You winced with what you imagined to come, your heart accelerating and your blood running colder than cold. “Open. Your. Fucking. Eyes, my little whor–.”

The paddles were working so hard to bring you back, but you couldn’t–.

“Y/n.” Gia’s voice rang out through the disgusting home, flowing into your ears, reassuring you. “It’s time to leave, y/n. Find your safe place.”

You didn’t have to be told twice, not with the tears streaming down your face and the way your breath was stuck in your lungs. Your chest stung from the way your heart rate wouldn’t let up. . . the way your heart raced, unrelenting and beating harder every time. . . . The pain was excruciating, making you want to keel over from the intensity. 

There wasn’t a memory of leaving the room, you just knew you had left as you ran. 

You ran as fast as your legs could carry you, eyes still shut to avoid being used by him–Mr. Morgan. God. You hated that man. You hated your mother. 

But, you weren’t with them anymore. The rotting smell of the home and the body odor that reeked from the two people in your vision – it was all gone. You were out. So, you decided to open your eyes. You had to open them to find the place you’d created for a time just like this. . . 

Your place. Your home. The field of lavender. Jake. Peaceful serenity, awaiting you amongst the birds chirping and the light blue skies. . .

So, with eyes open and tears streaming down your cheeks, you decided you needed to be there now. Now now now now. . .

And before you could request it any further, your feet were touching the lush grass and the skies were clear and powdery blue above you. . .

“Are you safe, y/n?” Gia asked, her voice much clearer when you were in the field, surrounded by nature. Your sanctuary. 

“Yes,” you breathed, voice cracking just a little on the word. You hadn’t spoken for a while. . . Too scared to do so. Clearing your throat, you tried once more. “Yes. Yes, I’m safe. I’m in my safe place. The lavender. The beautiful, tall trees filled with green leaves. The breeze is perfectly warm against my face. . .”

“Wonderful,” Gia said, sounding relieved and stoic all at once. “You are okay, girly. You are okay. It’s not your current reality. It’s not right now. This is right now. You are safe.”

Yes. I’m safe. 

Your breathing was coming much easier and your heart wasn’t pounding in your ears any longer. 

Your hands found your belly, the sweetest little round bump.  But where was. . .?

Then, you felt him. Jake. 

Solid and sure behind you, his chest meeting your back. His arms, coming to wrap around you, cradling you and the belly that held his baby. Your head, falling of its own accord to lay back on his shoulder. . . 

You were finally able to relax. Let go. The tears poured from your eyes, wetting your cheeks with steady tracks.

“Shhh,” Jake shushed you, the minty smell of his toothpaste lingering on his breath as it washed over your features. The sandalwood-vanilla of his cologne was reminiscent of heaven, you were sure of it. “It’s okay, baby.”

He swayed you a little, your eyes falling closed in peaceful surrender to him and this moment. . .

“Y/n, I want you to think of your box,” you heard the words, knowing it was Gia. But, you felt Jake saying it. Even if she was the one saying the words, you wanted him to help guide you, too. Your mind was a funny place. 

His voice kept soothing you, “Think of the box and open it. Open it and place the memory you stepped into today inside of it. Secure that memory inside of the box.”

So, with one fleeting glance at the disgusting past you’d had to re-experience today, you mentally opened the lid to the box. And, as the lid opened, you let the people and the stingy place flow quickly into the sturdy wooden structure of the box. 

You could have spit on the people and the place and the smells. . . Fuck it all. 

The sureness of the box truly calmed you as the last little bit of the memory faded into the box. 

“Tuck it away in your box. Just keep it there until you’re ready to revisit it again. . .,” Gia counseled, her words yet again came through as if Jake were saying them. His breath was warm against the column of your throat, lips near to your ear. “You have control of it, y/n.”

Once you knew it was all inside, you let the lid click shut. The little pieces of lavender you imagined to be skillfully painted atop the box assured you that it would all be over soon. 

Beep beep beep beep. The beeping again. Familiar. You’d heard it momentarily at the disgusting, decrepit house. What was it?

“Y/n,” you heard Gia again, her words no longer masked by Jake’s voice. “Are you ready to come back to the office?”

As much as you wanted to never leave the man who still held you, you knew that the sooner you left the safe place, the sooner you could actually see him. He was waiting for you. In the lobby. In the present. 

“Yeah,” you sighed with a sniffle, most of your tears dry after the safety you’d felt in the field of lavender. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

“I’m right here with you,” Gia assured you, her voice the closest it had been since initially closing your eyes. 

You closed your eyes once more, your body feeling lighter. Letting yourself sink into real time, you felt the soft, camel leather of the couch under you, around you. Then came the smell of Gia’s essential oils, filtering in through your senses. Things were okay. 

When your eyes cracked open, so tentative and slow, Gia was ready and waiting with open eyes. 

But the beeping. . . It was still happening — it was incessant. And it was fully apparent now that the sound was coming from your belt bag, hanging on Gia’s office door handle. 

Your heart monitor. 

Shit.

“How long has that been going off?” You blanched, eyes bugged as you got off the couch to grab your bag from the handle. Though, your legs were weaker than you expected, body worn down. It forced you to sit back down to gain your wherewithal.

Noticing this, Gia stuck a hand out to get you to pause from trying again. “I will grab the bag,” she soothed. “You stay there. Give yourself time to adjust to the present time. You’ve been through it, babe.”

All you could do was nod and swallow thickly, your heart no longer beating hard enough to make the phone go off. But apparently it had accelerated at some point. . . 

And then you remembered. 

Mr. Morgan. He’d made your heart rate go ballistic. 

When he’d approached, commanded you to open your eyes, and almost called you that horrible name. . . it had gone insane. 

Your chest had been in so much pain, and you could remember hearing the incessant beeping, now. . .

“Fuck, Gia,” you combed a hand through your hair. “My heart . . . I remember. . . my chest was hurting like a bitch.”

Gia inhaled deeply. “Yeah. . . You know, how about I hold the phone that tracks it from here on out? To keep an eye on your heart rate?” She suggested, raising a brow as she walked back to you with the belt bag. Raising a brow, she eyed you as she got close enough to hand your belongings over to you. “We need to be aware of your health and the baby’s first and foremost, before anything else.”

You swallowed with a slight nod, not wanting to see where your heart had skyrocketed to. But you knew you had to see it. So, you unzipped your bag and shakily got your monitor phone out.

When you slid the screen open to check, your breath caught in your throat. Tears welled in your eyes at the very large number, flashing at you in red. 

Shit. 185. What the fuck?

That could have gotten really bad, really fast if Gia hadn’t stopped you when she did.

“So. . . What had it gotten to?” Gia questioned carefully, wide eyes serious and ready to help. 

You observed her for a second, not wanting to divulge just how high it had gotten for one reason in specific. . . The fear that Gia would make you stop EMDR if she knew just how high it had gotten — that possibility kept your lips sealed.

“Girly, I really feel it’s incredibly important that we keep track of that. I didn’t want to be invasive while you were under, but I heard it and I knew what it was. . .,” Gia tried to counsel you, taking your skeptical gaze as you finding her invasive. “I really didn’t like not knowing what your heart rate was. It’s best we stay aware of that. We have to be so careful of that, girly.”

You wanted to tell her. Duh. Why wouldn’t you want to? You told her everything else. . . The possibility of not being able to—.

“We will still continue our EMDR, y/n,” Gia grinned warmly with a wink. “I know that’s what you’re worried about. . .”

Your mouth puckered, as you took in a deep breath, gawking at the tall blonde across from you. 

You couldn’t help the bubble of a laugh that spurted from your lips, in spite of your worried thoughts. You were in awe of your therapist’s intuition. “How did you know?” You questioned, already mostly knowing the answer.

The answer was: people in this profession were really very incredible. . . And Gia — she, in particular, was so empathetic and so aware of everything that mattered to you. . .

“It’s my job to tune in to that shit,” she grinned, sitting back in her rolling chair, one leg crossed over the other. 

After sharing a smirk with her, you decided you might as well tell her. You were nearing the end of your time, and you assumed she still wanted to be filled in on what had happened during your time under. 

“My BPM was. . . in the 180s,” you divulged, wary of her reaction. “That’s um—that’s really high,” you tagged on to the end, blowing out a breath, still shocked at the number yourself.

“Ho-ly fuck,” Gia stated, eyes wide and mouth in a straight line as she shook her head. “No shit that’s high.”

“We’ll figure it out?” you stated the question, hoping it would be ammunition for Gia to agree. 

“Of course,” she nodded adamantly. Sitting up in her chair, she leaned forward. Her elbows, on the ends of her thighs, near her knee caps. “When do you turn it in? How long do we have with it?”

“I turn it in next week,” you answered, curious where she was going. “Hopefully I’ll get some results and sure answers. . .” Trailing off, you decided to shut up so she could get to her point. 

“Well. . .,” she started, rubbing her palms together, eyes glancing down and back to you, “Would you be opposed to me attaching another monitor to you during our sessions? After that one is turned in?”

“That’s a great plan,” you answered, nodding with pursed lips. “Sounds safe.” Though, you paused. One more question. “And you’ll keep watch of it next time?”

“If that’s what you want from me, I’d love to be able to help you in that way,” she answered with a reassuring sureness in her tone. 

“I do want that,” you replied with a sheepish grin. “I’d appreciate it.”

“Of course, girly,” Gia smiled, lopsided and full of ease. “We’ll make sure to get you through this therapy the safest we possibly can. Gotta protect you and that baby.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

After filling her in on everything from your EMDR vision, she’d given you a few more pieces of therapeutic wisdom and advice. Little things to follow if the memories came back with a vengeance. 

But, you’d gone more than five minutes over your session’s time at that point, pushing her other appointment back. 

So, you didn’t get long before the two of you had to bustle out. You’d been about eight minutes past session end time when you officially exited the small room, the session having just ended. 

A long fucking session.

Your body was extremely weighed down by fatigue and exhaustion. So, when you finally connected with Jake, you sunk happily into his warm, safe embrace. 

It seemed walking directly into Jake’s arms was exactly what your body longed for after leaving Gia’s office. You’d had little to no choice in where your body had guided you.

He had already been standing, waiting for you. His amber-brown eyes, wide open and full of readiness to help you. He’d seemed anxious to see you. You could tell as much by the tapping of his foot, the way he’d been worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, the wrinkle of his brows. . .

So, of course, as soon as you approached, his arms had widened to welcome you in. 

Surprisingly, you hadn’t cried when you met his arms. . . Honestly, it was probably because you’d exhausted your tear ducts during your session. And all that you felt now was pure numbness. You didn’t know how to feel – just knew that you were tired and needed someone to be close to.

And Jake was the person you wanted most. 

Once safe in his embrace, you didn’t have the mental energy to even think about how it would look to Gia – but you knew she’d understand. 

You felt Gia come up behind you, even halfway heard her introducing herself to Jake. 

And even though you were out of it, you still heard Jake respond kindly, hearing the smile in his voice. When he moved his hand to shake hers, you didn’t turn around, just kept your face tucked into his shoulder, one of his arms still tightly hugging you to him. The pressure was really nice – it really calmed you down to feel so secure with him. 

It felt like the field of lavender, but this was really real – and that made it inexplicably better. 

Thankfully since you’d quickly scheduled the next session in Gia’s office, you didn’t have to wait much longer to head home. You didn’t want to leave his embrace, but you ended up turning out of Jake’s arms to tell Gia goodbye. 

When you reached forward to give her a hug, she whispered calmly in your ear. “You’re safe. Everything is okay in the here and now. I’m proud of you, y/n. You are already making great strides.”

After telling her a quiet ‘thank you’, you turned to Jake. 

“I’m ready when you are,” he assured you, lips turned up in an easy grin. His eyes were soft in a way that showed you he really was ready to be whatever you needed him to be. 

You didn’t need to be told again. You were ready for food and sleep. So, after the two of you waved to Gia over your shoulders,  Jake let you lead him out, opening the door for you from behind. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

When you snapped out of your daze and found a bit of energy, you decided to divulge to Jake just how high your heart rate had gotten during the session.

You had expected him to be a little worried on your behalf, but he’d gotten. . . really, really worried. You’d go so far as to call it a minor anxiety attack. 

His eyes had bugged, face had paled, and his breathing had gotten choppy. . . All signs of some serious anxiety on his end. 

His care for the situation was apparent, that much was for certain. He’d babbled in a rush of words – voiced a lot of concern on your behalf and the baby’s. . . Well, that was what you could catch in his raspy, frenzied tone. You’d missed a few things as he’d rushed the words out.

It was really sweet how much he cared. You had to work to keep the tiny grin off your face in response to his obviously sincere regard for your health (and the baby’s). You’d kept your quiet smile at bay the best you could and calmly reassured him that you were wearing a heart monitor for a reason – so the doctors could track those weird things and get down to the root of why your heart sucked ass at times. 

You’d explained that medical professionals had started dealing with it the night at the emergency room and would continue once your monitor got sent in within the next couple of weeks.

“I know today’s already been a lot, but do you have it in you to explain more about that night?” Jake asked, his breathing evening out as he rounded the curb, out of the office parking lot. “The night you went to the emergency room?”

“Yeah, totally,” you readily agreed, jumping at the opportunity to not think about the muddled images still flashing in your mind from your session. “Where do you want me to start?” You wondered aloud, peeking at him as you picked with a loose string on the seam of your leggings.

He cleared his throat in the way that indicated he was a little nervous. “What triggered it, exactly? Had you been okay at the bar that night? Was it because of something that had happened there?”

“It wasn’t really because of anything that happened at the bar, no,” you shook your head, looking down at the string you were pulling at, giving it a good yank to do away with it. “And I was kind of okay that night. . . Same as I’d been every other day around the time,” you laughed humorlessly, not missing those days at all. 

But, you couldn’t help reflecting on the events at the bar. . . since he'd brought it up. That night, just thinking of it still gave you butterflies. . . The way he’d feasted his eyes on you as your song played. . .

Stay focused, y/n.

“Um— during those earlier days, I’d had several days where I’d been really fuckin’ dizzy. . . could hardly eat most days, always nauseous and puking. . .,” you crinkled your nose at the thought, shivering at the memories. 

After getting over the thought of the constant vomiting, you stopped your train of thought to consider the fainting. All of the factors. You were not sure what to blame in particular. Though, you remembered Dr. Stevens’ opinion. 

“Honestly, more than one factor triggered it. . . but. . .,” you drew in a breath, pinching your eyes shut at the worst part of the night. “I actually blacked out and fucking fainted,” you cracked one eye open to look over at him to gauge his reaction.

“You blacked— you what?!” His voice rose a little bit at the idea, the car swerving the slightest bit when he glanced at you.

“Focus on the road!” You shook your head, eyes now opened wide at his swerve. However, you did find his reaction a bit funny. “I’m fine now, Jake,” you reassured, reaching over to give his arm one squeeze. 

But quickly, you placed your hand back in your lap to avoid any sort of awkwardness. 

You offered him a smile as your hand moved, looking up at him from your twitching thumbs, just as he glanced down at you. 

His eyebrows were still knit with worry when he faced the road again. “You’re sure?”

“Mostly,” you answered, thinking of the heart monitor’s job, peering down briefly to where it stayed on your chest. “They’re tracking my heart rate to make totally sure. And I’ve even kept an eye on my hemoglobin — which is doing much better, too. Not that you care about that part—.”

“I care about it all,” Jake interrupted, his tone insistent enough to make you pause and look over at him. 

Let him care, y/n. He wants to. . . Don’t tell him what he cares about and what he doesn’t. . .

From under your lashes, you studied him. You were glad he was now stopped at a light, giving you a little time to share a look with him. His eyes were full of warmth. . . The deep brown of his irises, capturing you. His eyes held yours so tenderly, desperate for you to understand he meant what he said.

And you did understand. You understood that he truly cared for you. . . and that his patience for you was incredible. You just felt completely undeserving of the amount of chances he’d given you after you’d hurt him so badly. 

The look in his eyes had you trapped, completely enamored by all of him. . . Your heart beat was pulsing in your ears, helping you to feel light as a feather under his stare. 

But, when a car honked to let you both know the light had turned green, it jolted you both, effectively tearing your focus from the other. He was driving again and you were back to looking through the windshield to continue your story. 

You cleared your throat to break up the air.

“We um— we checked all the boxes, you could say. The doctor was sure to put measures in place to keep an eye on all of the things that could have been a major issue to trigger that,” you spoke confidently, to give him affirmation that things were okay. “So, yes, I’m sure I’m fine now and I’m going to be fine in the future.”

Out of selfish desire, you let your line of sight float back to him. Yet again. It was just so easy to sit and admire his natural beauty. . .

Jake sucked in a breath, so deep from his chest. You could tell he was considering your words, one brow still arched in contemplation. 

“Okay,” he sighed his response, relief evident in his looser posture. He eased up his grip on the wheel, leaning back in the seat. You tried not to watch the way his jeans stretched over his lap. “So,” he started, “is there anything else you found out that night? A big, prevailing reason you quite literally blacked out?”

“The doctor I spoke to thinks it’s because of this underlying condition I most likely have — called POTS.”

“POTS?” He asked, his tone curious. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that.”

“It’s just a blood circulation disorder. I think I’ve had it nearly all my life. But it can be brought on by stress and cause things like fainting. . .,” you trailed off, glancing down at your belly. “Which I was obviously feeling a lot of with the baby. I mean, talk about massive life change,” you smirked, rubbing the bump that was more and more noticeable every day. 

“And I was the only one who knew this giant thing for a bit. . . then only Elsie knew. And, yeah, when Josh found out, I was feeling a little better. Felt lighter. . .,” you paused, your next words, being important to you. “But I still wanted to tell you most,” your lips lifted in spite of yourself. “But, we weren’t really talking because of all the shit that happened between u–.”

You stopped yourself at that, though. Shit. Today didn’t really seem like the time to get into all of that. It had already been such a long day. 

The car stayed silent for a few beats. 

Once Jake started speaking again, your eyes found his handsome profile.

“Yeah. . .,” Jake offered in response to that, his jaw clenching. His eyes were dead-set on the road. The expression on his face, hard. Yet. . .it wasn’t angry. Not angry at all, just thoughtful. 

He seemed to be contemplating it all.

He proved you right with his next words, bringing you back. “I need you to know—I’m really fucking sorry for not being so present—for not noticing more. I wish I would’ve been more aware and been there for you. . . Shit, I should have noticed you weren’t eating normally and were constantly sick,” he rubbed his forehead once, jaw tight again as he spoke on the subject. “I was still just stuck in my own head over stuff — really hurt. I still am, I think. But, I also, more importantly, had no way of knowing that you were carrying my kid, so. . .,” he trailed off, clearing his throat. “So I didn’t watch too hard for things out of the ordinary — my mind was in other places.” 

Other places, your mind repeated, mocking you. Like Maya. . . 

Your stomach was still churning at the depressing thought of him having ignored you and still being hurt (albeit, you’d deserved it), when his voice echoed back through your train of thought. 

“I did notice you weren’t home that night, though. . . After dropping Maya off at her place, I got home and you weren’t there. I. . .,” he sniffed, running a nervous hand through his hair as he looked both ways to make a turn. “I panicked, noticed your chapstick and house key were on the ground outside — it made no fuckin’ sense. I called Josh to ask him where you were — assumed he’d know. And, he did. But he told me the bare fucking minimum. I didn’t even know you were at the emergency room. He just told me not to worry and cut me off with an ‘I love you’ before hanging up on me,” Jake rolled his eyes at the memory, fists gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter. “Now I know it’s because you obviously really needed him. . . But at that point, I was so pissed. Obviously, you were in some sort of bind and there was nothing I could do to help since we were. . .,” he let his train of thought fade into nothing. Your mind was a frenzy of everything he was telling you, but you tuned back in when he began speaking again. “And then your heart monitor came in the mail. . . I didn’t even think about how they could be connected. I just knew the very little Josh had told me from that night and then I saw a damn heart monitor show up. . . I was just super fucking confused and terrified for you. . . I was trying my best to connect all of the dots.”

“Well. . .,” you started, not sure if you should say what you were thinking. But still, you did. “It wasn’t really any of your business at that point. I didn’t want to make you— it was just a lot to process for me and we. . .,” you trailed off, at a loss. Still so tired from the session. “I don’t know. . . I had reasons.”

“I know, y/n,” he responded, voice tight with masked emotion. 

You didn’t know what to say after that. Your eyes were trained on what was outside the passenger side window.

The air in the car was dense, slightly awkward on your end. 

It was strange how weird things could feel after a damn conversation when, just a week ago in this very car, you’d had him in your mouth. 

It was slightly embarrassing that a hard conversation topic was what it took to make both of you freeze up. But, somehow, you could still find the wherewithal to have your mouth on his. . . Mhm.

That was what you got for making sex such a giant thing before. . . now you’d made that easy and everything else fucking taboo. 

But the sex had just been too good to not make it something you did all the damn time. . . 

God, you missed sex with him. . . Him, inside of you, his hips going at a perfect pace. . .

Thanks to your motherfucking hormones, you were back in the living room floor with him. . . So often, you went back to that one rainy morning with Aretha Franklin on the turntable. . .

The look on his face when you fucked him, one of your favorite sights. That morning, just like always, he’d watched you so closely. . . Your face, your breasts, your ass, or your pussy that was wrapped around him, so tight. 

As he fucked you so slow and purposeful, a hand raising your leg to get a better angle, he hit a secret spot inside of you. Your toes had curled as you whined his name.

And just as his name fell from your lips, he’d scrunched his brows, and let his mouth fall open with certain movements of his hips. His jaw, clenched, when you’d flex around him or biting his lip when you’d let out a shaky breath. . . 

“Y/n?”

“Yes?” You shook your head of the fucking delicious scene in your memories. 

Now was not the time. 

To show respect, you did your best to wipe the picture and put your full attention on him. You glanced at him. He looked so beautiful under the natural light of the early evening and the streetlights. And his hair looked so healthy and long. . .

“I’m not upset or anything that you kept any of it from me,” he ventured to explain, your mind coming back to the topic at hand. “I need you to know that.”

“You’ve kind of already told me all of this before,” you started with a smile, eyeing the radio for a bit. 

Music. You needed music. 

You began to mess with the buttons, turned down the volume, and hooked your phone up to the aux. “I know you, Jake,” you continued with a sigh, scrolling your playlists, finding a song you were suddenly craving to hear. “I know you well enough to know you aren’t upset with me for keeping it all from you for a bit. You have a good heart.”

“You give me too much credit,” he humorously laughed. “I’m not always so sure about how good I am these days — kind of always doubted that about myself and right now is no different.”

At his words and sound of disbelief, you looked over at him with a wrinkle in your brow. His own eyebrows were set with an odd, unreadable emotion. You hadn’t clicked the song to play yet. This was too important to not address.

“Jacob,” you said sternly. His eyes stayed glued to the busier street. “I don’t give you ‘too much credit’.  I just see you and know you well – anyone who truly matters sees you for who you truly are. I, like all of them, love y— appreciate everything you are.” 

Shit. What was that that almost slipped from your lips?! Nothing. It was nothing. Ignore, ignore, ignore. . . 

You were just hormonal and emotional. 

You continued with intent to make your point known, doing your best to forget the slip-up. “I’ve made my fair share of mistakes – we all have. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m not about to hold anything against you right now.”

Cracking a smile, you decided you wanted to throw in a bit of a joke. “I mean, I would have to hold it against you if you killed someone or some shit,” you giggled, his own raspy laugh joining you. 

But fuck, you couldn’t ignore that one emotion you were feeling. . .

It wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. You didn’t know why the fuck you’d said that word of all words.

But this feeling. . . It was intense like love could be. It had your heart in your throat and your tummy tied in nervous knots. . . 

You’d felt a need to say the words. A need for him to know how much you. . . how much you. . . How much you what, exactly?!

This was going to drive you fucking nuts. 

So, to break the nonstop, crazy wave of thought, you played the song you felt like playing at the moment. 

The song was “In the Moment” by Snoh Aalegra, one of your favorite R&B goddesses. 

And, of course, the lyrics matched your heart. Perfectly. Oddly. Precisely. Music was your favorite language.

Do you mind if I try to come apologize to you?

'Cause I said some things that I realized wasn't true

You couldn’t stop your movements when your head slowly turned to look in his direction. His sunglasses were off due to the darker sky, so you could see every blink of his pretty eyes, long lashes touching the dark circles under his eyes with each blink. He watched the road carefully, maneuvered around cars with an ease that had you hoping he’d be around to drive you to the hospital on a certain day in May. . . 

Your heart swelled in your chest at his attention to the road. This particularly protective nature of his, as the driver, was new. . .

And I'm sorry for it 

I'm emotional 

This is your fault 

Please listen when I say 

I care about you

You tried to look away from him. Really, you did. It just couldn’t be helped. The way these lyrics kept pulling something from deep within your soul as you watched him drive. . .

But you still couldn’t figure out what was getting pulled in you, exactly. It felt weird, but only in a fulfilling way. . . Your heart ached, your head clouded with all things surrounding him. 

And then, just as he stopped at a red light, his eyes met yours. 

You had been caught red handed in your stare, but it didn’t seem to matter. Not to you, not to him. He smiled at you, the same, warm smile you knew all too well to be uniquely his. (And hopefully your baby’s.) 

The lyrics and melody of the song were adding to your already emotionally-tangled state. You just wanted to be with him always—hold him tight so he couldn’t leave. Never wanted him to leave.

Out of pure instinct, your hands found rest on your tummy, tucking underneath the bump. His smile only grew, stretching wide on his lips as his eyes followed the movement. Your heart did a little flip in your chest. 

This moment. . .

His foot let off the brake when the light turned green, pulling his eyes away from yours. The music coasting through the speakers said all the things you so desperately wanted to say. Though, Snoh sang them far more beautifully than you could ever say them yourself.

I was in the moment

I ain't really mean what I said to you

So put away your pride, baby

We can work it out if you want this, too

You hoped on every star in the winter sky that Jake was listening to the words, somehow feeling them as deeply as you were.

But if I could stay, I’d stay with you. . .

Your phone ringing snapped you out of your reverie and when you looked down to see who it was, you were not expecting the contact you saw. 

The OB office. 

Your heart started speeding up in your chest again, breath catching and nerves wracking your system at the most inopportune time. As you turned down the song to talk to the person on the other end, you contemplated why they were calling. . .

The appointment had already been rescheduled. . . So what else could be needed? Was something wrong?

You felt Jake’s palm splay across your thigh, fingers giving light, pulsing grips to the muscle through the fabric of your leggings. Skin heating at his touch, you looked up and over at him. 

“Who?” He whispered, quietly as he could. 

“OBGYN,” you mouthed back, clicking the green button to answer at the same time that he raised a brow in confusion.

“Hello?” You spoke into the phone, trying to keep your voice even-toned for whoever called you.

“Miss y/n?” Dr. Rose responded. Her Southern accent, friendly, on the other end, sounding happy as a lark. 

Hearing her sound okay helped your nerves ease up – weren’t quite as frayed as they had been to begin with. Jake’s hand was still on your leg, offering reassurance. But while his touch did comfort you, it also made your heart rate speed up and head swim for another reason entirely. 

Thankfully, considering the baby, your heart was slowing down. . . If Dr. Rose sounded fine, then surely things were fine, right? 

“Hi, Dr. Rose,” you said, voice perking up just the slightest bit. Looking out the windshield, you focused on the pretty colors in the sky. All light pinks, oranges, and the prettiest periwinkle thanks to the winter evening’s premature setting sun. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, more than, Sweet Cakes! Just checkin’ in to see that Friday still works for ya,” she explained, her drawl not quite as thick the more she spoke. But it was still there and it made you feel warm inside for some reason. 

Admittedly, you knew it was partially due to the fact that she seemed to only be calling to confirm your appointment. According to Dr. Rose, everything was ‘more than’ alright. . . you released a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. 

“Yeah. It works for me,” you sighed, running a nervous hand through your hair, knee still bouncing with the unexpectedness of the phone call. “Let me check with Jake real quick. I’m with him right now,” you held your hand over the speaker, looking over to your handsome driver. He’d just made it onto a highway, but momentarily glanced down at you. You hushed your next question, not wanting to disturb Dr. Rose. “Does Friday still work for you? For the week 17 appointment?”

Jake’s face opened up at the question, his eyes brightening with a smile that lifted the corner of his mouth. “Of course,” he quietly responded. “I have the whole day blocked off just for that.”

Your stomach did somersaults at him being so excited for the appointment, but you still dipped your eyebrows in at him. “You didn’t have to do that,” you whispered back. “Take the whole day for it.”

Jake shook his head, and with a dimple in his cheek, he just looked back at the road. Didn’t even acknowledge what you said any further. 

You closed your eyes, a small smile on your lips at his desire to be fully available – it gave you butterflies. Back to the phone call at hand, you faced the windshield again to continue the call with your OB. “Dr. Rose?” 

“Yes ma’am,” she excitedly greeted back.

“It still works for us,” you said, the smile not fading from your lips. Us. You really, really loved the sound of that word coming off your tongue. “Are you sure you’re still okay doing the appointment before week 18? I know how you feel about all of that. . .”

You didn’t know why you were asking – shouldn’t have even said anything. The idea of putting it off any longer was not what you wanted, and you didn’t want to make Dr. Rose think you’d be okay with that. But, it was too late now. You’d already asked. 

“Oh, yes, babygirl. I’m the one that made ya wait past week 16! I felt bad, but I didn’t want ya to have any lull period,” she boomed on the other end, sounding so genuinely kind-hearted. It made your heart feel so full. “Completely fine with me – why I offered it to ya! I gotta admit, I’m a little excited to be findin’ out the gender a week earlier than normal. Ya know I never do that for my girls, but you’ve just seemed very special to me since the day you walked in. You’re a good seed in a bag ‘a bad ones, sweetie pie. So, I just had to make an exception.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Rose,” you gushed, a tear coming to the corner of your eye at her sentiment.

“I knew it would drive ya nuts havin’ to wait.”

“It would have,” you giggled, agreeing with a sniff to attempt to rid yourself of the tear. 

She laughed heartily on the other end. “You have a beautifully passionate heart, little miss y/n,” she remarked. “You’re goin’ to be a wonderful mama for it.” 

Aaand, there was no stopping the tear as it turned into a couple more, drifting down your cheek. 

Jake must have looked over at the perfect time, because as soon as the tears fell, he was squeezing your thigh once more. His hand had never left your body. 

But, you really needed him to stop holding you and caring because you were going to pounce on him. No questions asked. . .especially with the fluffy headspace you were in. 

Emotional over a phone call or not, your body reacted to him in ways you couldn’t stop.

“How’s your heart?” Dr. Rose was in your ear again, bringing you back. She was in no rush whatsoever. You were shocked that she seemed to want to keep the conversation going. Even after the first question, she continued with another. “I know ya filled me in on it a little bit last week on the phone, but any more updates?”

“Doing alright, I think,” you responded, sniffling at her eagerness to stay updated on your wellbeing. Was she just being a good doctor? Probably. But, still. It meant a lot to you. “I will send my monitor in on the 17th. I’m so ready to be done with it,” you replied with a huff of a laugh, looking down to mess with a loose string on your oversized jacket. “And I think everything else has gotten much better since that ER visit, too. Just keeping an eye on things,” you finished, happy to explain everything to her. 

This phone call was officially a highlight to your day now that you knew there was no reason to stress over it. Dr. Rose just made you feel good. You really enjoyed talking to the older Southern woman. Her heart shone through her personality. And, whether she made these efforts for all patients or not (you were sure she did), it just meant the world to you that she seemed to be so thoughtful. 

She seemed to take very seriously that it was a vulnerable time in any woman’s life. Dr. Rose just seemed to do very well at her job. You were grateful for her.

“When Mount Sinai sent over that information all those weeks ago, I gotta be honest, it stressed me for ya for a bit,” she said, voice suddenly thick with a sort of concerned emotion. Not worried anymore, you could tell that much. But, it was obvious she had been troubled by it when it initially happened, from the way she sounded now. 

“Although, when I read all of their tests on my end, I knew you’d be okay. Just a bump in the road, sweetie – it happens. You will be just fine!” She reassured you in her twang, the words made your head clear in a way you’d needed since the night at the hospital. “And, that sweet baby was doing so great still, in spite of it all. You’ve got a strong one, mama.”

Yeah, there was no stopping the onslaught of tears at those words. Your baby was strong. You were so proud. 

“Yeah?” You sniffed. “You think so?”

“I know so. That little one was movin’ and groovin’ already that first day. . . that sure doesn’t happen with every baby! He or she is very special – just like their mama,” she emphasized, sniffling on her own end of the phone. “Well. . . . as long as this Friday still works for you, I think I can let ya go, honey bun.”

“Yes, it does,” you confirmed once more, pulling the sleeve of your jacket over your hand and patting your cheeks with it. “Thank you again.”

“No need to thank me, Sweet Cakes.” You could hear her smile through the phone, imagined her lips covered in the prettiest bright red matte lipstick. “You have a good nigh– oh! Before ya go. . . .”

“Yes?” you questioned curiously, eyebrow raising with a little grin on your lips. 

“You mentioned a Jake earlier. Does this Jake happen to be the baby’s daddy?”

You blushed, looking over at him. He glanced over at you at the same time, an eyebrow raising when you caught his eye. Your cheeks heated even more when you looked into his eyes. Your baby’s daddy. 

“He is the baby’s daddy, yeah,” you explained, continuing to watch him as you said the words. He had to keep his eye on the road, but you saw how his lips stretched, the smile showing his pride at the title.

“And he will be comin’?”

“He will be there,” you affirmed, your heart racing in your chest at the idea of him being there with you. It had you equal parts jittery and utterly overjoyed to have him be present at the appointments.

“Wonderful. Sounds like a good daddy already,” she gushed from her end of the phone. 

And when he came to the next light, much nearer to the complex, you watched him and waited until he looked over at you. When his eyes found yours, glowing amber-brown in the nearly-set sun, your heart squeezed inexplicably in your chest. 

“He is a really good daddy,” you answered, tears threatening to clog your throat. 

After you said the words, you watched his eyes become wet with an unnamed emotion. A wide, slightly shaky grin on his pretty lips. With the addition of a pink blush in his cheeks, you wanted to be able to read the exact way he was feeling. 

But. . . at the current moment he suddenly seemed impossible to read. There was something behind his eyes that seemed so familiar and so hazy all at once. . .

Or maybe you were just really, really tired.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“I don’t have to go to this tonight,” Jake offered, pulling into the complex. 

You raised a brow, looking at him. As much as you wanted him to stay with you after today’s session, you knew that sleep was the first priority. He’d end up sitting around most of the night anyway.

If things were different, you would ask him to lay down with you. You’d keep him close. But. . . That wasn’t how things were for the two of you. 

You needed a nap and he needed to be with his girlfriend. As much as it sucked, she took priority over you. He wasn’t yours.

You already felt selfish enough for taking his entire early evening away from him. You didn’t want to steal any more of his night. 

“No, Jake,” you giggled, trying your best to play off the want to have him near. “I’m good. You’ve done everything you can for me tonight. Don’t need you for anything else — you’re free.”

It was silent for a little bit as Jake found his parking space. You were too tired to keep any sort of conversation going, preparing to doze against the window as he went to back into his space. 

Though, when he placed his hand on the headrest behind you to back in, you couldn’t help but turn to glance up at him. 

The way he held his bottom lip between his teeth as he focused on situating the Jeep into the parking space, just right. . . You felt guarded and protected by the placement of his arm above you. It made your tummy flip. 

And the mustache that kept making a reappearance on his pretty face, accentuating his plush lips perfectly. . . 

You licked your lips as you watched him, your eyes lazy as you let your stare wander down his body . . . 

But before you could get too far, Jake’s deep, raspy tone broke through to you.

“Hey.” 

Fuck. Your tiredness was quickly becoming enemy number one, exposing you.

Quickly, you flicked your eyes up to him, swallowing thickly, awaiting him with vulnerability clear on your features. 

For some reason, you expected to see him grinning at you being caught. But his features were unwaveringly straight, studying your face with his eyebrows drawn in concentration.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his eyes soon finding yours to pierce through. Damn, you felt naked under his stare. No two ways about it. 

Your eyes sunk into his, wishing you were naked—.

“You’ve had a long day and I want to be available—.”

“I’m sure,” you cut him off, needing to get out of the car before you made a stupid move. You just needed rest; your tiredness was making you weak. 

“Please. Go have fun,” you encouraged further, looking down to observe your nails, desperate to be repainted. Shaking your head, you continued to solidify your point. “You’ve done enough for me. You have a girlfriend who’s expecting you to be with her tonight.”

And if you stay here tonight, there’s no telling what I’ll try to do with you. . . 

“‘Kay,” he responded. At his short tone, your eyes floated up to check on him. You watched as he quickly grabbed his keys out of the ignition, refusing to look at you until the last second. “I’ve gotta get going pretty soon then.”

“Yeah,” you breathed with a shake of your head, unsure of what else to say. And before he could get your door for you, you were doing it yourself — didn’t want to get in his way. 

Whatever this conversation had become, it was far too much for your brain to wrap around at this moment. 

You needed fucking sleep.

-🌼🌼🌼-

After you’d filled your Stanley and sat it on your bedside table, your next mission was to change into looser, cozier clothes. You stripped your pants and bra, and found a giant t-shirt. And your softest fuzzy socks had been a last minute must have before finding your bed. 

Finally.

Almost as soon as you landed on your bed, your eyes were fluttering closed. The softness of your sheets and duvet, the cleanliness and the comfort of your bed was too incredible for you to resist sleep for long. 

At the same time, Jake was getting ready for his time with Maya, and had apparently decided to shower. When the steady stream of water sounded through the wall, you relaxed even further. You focused on the soothing sound of the shower running and imagined how near he was to you. 

He hadn’t left you yet.

Admittedly, putting your mind on Jake going about his business made you feel quite at home. 

And that thought had been the seemingly final step to finding rest, sleep finding you quite easily with easy thoughts of your handsome roommate. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

But, to your disdain, the nap didn’t last as long as you’d hoped. 

After only a couple of hours, you’d woken up and couldn’t go back to sleep to get any more rest. You tried to fall asleep again. It was all you’d wanted after your emotionally exhausting day. 

The longer you laid in your bed and tried to find more sleep, you realized it was just not going to happen. The small apartment felt too big and empty and your mind raced with the scene you’d witnessed during EMDR. 

To your demise, the little wooden box had somehow cracked open a little while you slept. You figured it was because you’d dreamt of what you’d seen in therapy. Your subconscious was working without your complete consent. 

That man with the thick fingers and clenched fists. . . He’d come floating out of the box first as you laid underneath your fluffy, white, clean bed covers. . . 

Mr. Morgan. . . Who was he? You could not place his role in it all yet. . . While you were able to remember him and his living room now, that was about where it stopped. 

The smell of him had stuck with you most since the memory. The potentness of his body odor in your subconscious had been a severe trigger – a trigger to things you weren’t capable of remembering yet. 

But, you knew that whenever those things did get conjured up again, you wouldn’t be ready. You just knew. The feeling alone that came associated with him and seeing him again. . . made you feel grimy – made your skin crawl like bugs were living underneath your flesh. 

Then there was your mother. You hadn’t been able to recall the distinct features of her face for years. Your grandparents didn’t have pictures of her up in their home – only ones of you and Elsie through the years. It was like she hadn’t ever existed. 

But today? Today she was back. Full force. You felt her. You smelled her. You saw every. single. feature. 

The stringiness of your mom’s hair when she’d been with the man in the recollected vision. . . 

You couldn’t help but compare the hair in the vision to the fullness of it in small memories you cherished. . . There was a certain Christmas memory you kept close, her sweater had been brand new. Her hair, naturally brown and billowing out beautifully behind her. You had a few of those moments in time. A few decent memories you’d never let go completely away. No matter how much time passed or how foggy they became, you held onto them.

What struck you as disheartening was the way the woman transitioned from one version of herself to another in the fragments of time you could grasp. You remembered, it was rare to consistently witness the same mom growing up. You’d been forced at a young age to confront the fact that you never truly knew the woman that gave birth to you.

She’d been very dirty more times than not, you could remember that much now. From what you were beginning to recall, she rarely smelled good. Showers hadn’t seemed to be her forte from the grease that had been constantly caked in her hair if she wasn’t with your grandparents. Her skin had even been oily from her lack of showers, just as greasy as her hair. 

The houses she had you living in, too. . . you could vaguely picture a few of those (besides Mr. Morgan’s). The one you were in within your recollected memory today had been so filthy. The grossness of the environment was coming to you in small bits. There’d been times you’d seen families of cockroaches climb into the pantry. . . Or when an occasional rat would scurry across the stained carpet, right past your feet. . . 

You shivered in your bed at the thought, toes wiggling against your soft socks and covers. The loose sheet and duvet came closer to your chin as you tried to completely envelop yourself in your current reality. Things were safe.

It was just a-fucking-lot to process alone. And the last thing you wanted to do was burden anyone else with it. So, even if Jake had stayed with you rather than Maya after therapy, you knew you’d still be swirling in circles in your mind. 

You were just glad you only had to wait a week for therapy to continue digging through this with the help of your therapist. 

The images of the man and your mother kept flip-flopping in your mind, not leaving you alone — each taking turns in mocking your peace. It was enough that you felt your breath become choppy and your heart begin to race in your chest. Your clammy hands were clenching and unclenching over and over again, trying to find some sort of relief and distraction from the thoughts. The smells were coming back to you, vivid as they’d been during your therapy today. . . 

And the moment you began to hear that distant, haunting chuckle from your past, embedded in the new flashes of memory, you shut your eyes. You squeezed your lids together so tightly. Your fists came to cover your eyes, pushing down on them just a little to see stars alongside the black. 

Yet, the sound continued to get closer and closer to you. Desperately, you thought back on Gia’s advice should this happen. 

One of the small pieces of advice she’d given you, when the session’s time was five-minutes passed.  

“Now, if these things come back or more memories come to you and you would rather not think of them in the moment they do: take a break,” Gia had advised, going to hold your hands in hers between the two of you. “Take a break, wherever you are, and go to your safe place.”

She’d given you a couple of other things to try, but she’d stayed insistent that you try the safe place first. Every time. Get used to the place, make it a habit to run to it in these times. 

So, you tried your damnedest to shut the thoughts out like you would on her soft, camel leather couch. Your eyes closed as you tried, working to focus on the idea of traveling to a field of lavender and Jake. 

Though before you could get any further, your eyes snapped open, knowing you had one more step before you went there. 

You tried to even your breathing, unclenching your fists. Once you’d relaxed enough to loosen your hands, you searched for some meditation music on Spotify. 

And once you’d found a dreamy playlist, you laid back to feel it. Your goal: feel it enough to let go. 

This time when you closed your eyes, you did it with less force and breathed in and out, in and out. Once again, everything was black. . . but just for the first minute or so. 

It didn’t take long for you to hear the birds chirping and to feel the solid chest breathing beneath you. He breathed deeply – in and out, in and out, just as you did.

Almost as soon as you felt your body settle into him and the soft ground of the earth, you heard him speak, too. It was like you were hearing him through a rush of warm wind, a breeze drifting across your face. “You’re doing great, baby,” he soothed you in his velvety tone, running a sure hand through your hair, fingers tracing your scalp. You shivered, enjoying the wonderful feeling it gave you, all the way to the tips of your toes. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Further, you pushed into him, wanting to be as close to him as you could be. You wrapped your arms around him the best you could while laying down, needing to feel his body tightly against your own. When you did this, he wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing you into him. Your round belly, pressed between the two of you, made your heart settle into a soothing thrum in your chest. 

No other words were said as you laid there, the sky blue when you finally opened your eyes to the new place. The field of lavender, so lucious and smelling heavenly around you. The purple flower surrounding you smelled clean, peaceful, and a lot like. . . love. It was a strange idea that a flower would smell like love, but you’d come to associate it with someone who–.

Knock, knock, knock, knock. 

Your eyes opened at a moment’s notice when you heard a knock on the front door. Somehow, the sound against the door managed to break you from your hypnotic-like reverie. The knocks weren’t small or soft thuds by any means, but it was odd that you’d heard them all the way through to your sacred place. All the way through your bedroom door. . . 

Though, thankfully, after having a bit of time to visit the safest place your mind could conjure up, you were on the path to feeling fine again. So after laying in bed for a few more seconds, you got up and padded to the door in your fluffy socks.

Before you opened the door, you peeked through the peephole. 

When you did, your eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. Your breathing evened out significantly for the first time since waking from your nap. And without any hesitancy, you unlatched the chain and unlocked the knob and deadbolt. 

As soon as you opened the door, you were greeted by Jake, a very apologetic smile on his face. One of his hands covered his eyes in feigned embarrassment, making a slit in his fingers to look at you through them. His other hand was tucked in the front pocket of his black slacks. 

He’d changed clothes after dropping you off. 

Duh, he’d showered, y/n. He wouldn’t be wearing the same dirty clothes afterwards . . . 

He was now dressed very nicely, his hair looking so healthy and full. A few strands were still damp here and there, from the shower you’d heard him start as you’d fallen asleep for your nap.

And goddamn. He smelled so fucking delicious – you could’ve melted into him. 

Rather than focusing on the way the hints of sandalwood and vanilla in his cologne made you feel airy, you asked the question you couldn’t help but wonder. “Where is your key?” 

A hint of a laugh was present in your tone as you crossed your arms over your boobs – which you noticed were slightly less sore than normal. 

Pleasant surprise. 

Oh, fuck. Your boobs. No bra. Only wearing a giant t-shirt and fuzzy socks. The thong you were wearing was a poor excuse at covering your ass. 

Glancing down briefly, you were reassured by the length. It was long enough to fully cover your backside, went down your thighs a bit. . . but you still felt very bare. 

When you looked up, you found that Jake had noticed your lack of clothing at the same time as you. His stare burned through your t-shirt, all the way down to your blushing skin. Your chest was heaving of its own accord, nipples hardening at the attention from him. . . 

His gaze soon dropped down to your lips, his own parting as his tongue went to wet his mouth.

No. You had to be the responsible one here. You could do it. 

So, you forced a subtle short cough, toes wiggling in your fuzzy socks. And, thankfully, it brought him back to the current situation. 

His wide, brown eyes snapped to yours, staying there momentarily. It made your cheeks pink — the way he was unashamedly sharing this moment with you. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all as he bit his lip with a grin stretched over his lips. 

Fuck.

“Your key?” You tried again with a squeak. Rolling your eyes, your short cough was real this time as you had to clear your throat. Ridiculous.

Not saying anything, he responded like nothing had occurred before. He motioned with his head towards the kitchen bar behind you. Your head turned to follow his eyes. And, you found his keys, still laying on the counter, not having been touched since before he left. 

“Did Maya pick you up?” You asked him, arching a brow at the keys. 

“Yes.”

“How’d you get back?” Okay, y/n, now’s not the time for twenty questions. 

“Uber,” he simply answered, a little hiccup following the word.

“Well. . . did you come back for them to drive yourself?” You asked, turning back around to face him, hoping he wouldn’t say ‘yes’. You selfishly wanted him to stay. 

For the first time since you’d woken up, your body felt light. . . . And, you’d noticed it had happened the exact moment you saw him outside your door. 

Shaking his head, he finally looked at you head-on, and you could see his eyes were the slightest bit unfocused. 

Oh. . . A smirk rested on your lips as you crossed your arms once more.

He had a goofy, carefree smile on his lips. And then you smelled it — the slightest tinge of alcohol on him as he swayed a bit towards you. 

Raising a brow, your lips continued to match his grin. Giggling, you pondered aloud, “Did you have a drink or two, babe?” 

You didn’t say that last word. Nope. 

“Maaaaybe,” he said, shrugging with both hands in his pockets now, the silly smile still plastered to his lips. “It was a party, after all,” he tagged on to the end, a bit of a British lilt falling over his words. 

A party. Hm. For some reason, you hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility. Why did the fact that it’d been a party make your stomach turn a little bit? 

“A party?” You inquired, tucking your arms a little closer against your chest. And there was the tenderness again. 

“Maya’s baby sister— eight years younger than Maya,” he over-explained, tripping over himself a little as he made his way through the door without any warning. “Turned twenty one today.”

Oh, that explains the excessive drinking, you gathered mentally. 

But, as you stood there connecting the dots, you didn’t focus enough on the fact that he was falling into you through the door frame. Thankfully, you put your arms out in time to stop him from bumping into you to the point of knocking you over. But when you put your arms out to stop his fall, he got the wrong idea and put his arms out as well, crashing into you a bit as he wrapped them around you in a secure embrace. 

It took a bit for you to register what was happening as you stood in shock at the gentle gesture amidst his drunkenness. And while you were registering it all, he must’ve gotten the idea that you didn’t want him so close to you. So, very slowly, he pulled away. 

Rather awkwardly, you just stood there, arms still held out in shock from the sudden hug. 

Why were you surprised at all? He’d been like this recently – just today at counseling, he’d been extremely attentive, holding you when you’d needed him. . . 

Was this time different? Was it because now he was doing it for virtually no reason at all? You weren’t in need of his help or his comfort (that he knew of) at the moment. And, he still wanted to hug you – that was what caught you completely off guard. 

He’s drunk, y/n, a voice reminded you. Don’t overthink it. It’s just because he’s inebriated. 

And while you stood in the doorway, he continued to traipse past you, body lopsided and shaky. He was being very careful to not bump into you again, turning his body in odd ways. 

When you turned to observe him, as he made it past you, you noticed that in the process of trying to steer clear of you, he was losing his balance – quite quickly. 

So, you did the only thing you could think to do and followed behind him to help however you could. 

He wouldn’t remember it anyway.

When he started putting too much weight on one foot and started tilting a bit too far to the side, you acted on instinct. 

You wrapped your arms around his midsection. 

It proved to be a bit of a feat to keep him upright and on his feet, but you tried your hardest. The man was wonderfully built. . . but solid as a rock.

Has he been working out? You couldn’t help but wonder this as your arms pressed a bit more into his strong abdomen.

You realized that thought process could become a distraction to the task at hand in no time, so you put it to the back of your mind. Instead, you just put all of your concentration into helping him stay on the track he desired. . . . Which happened to be his bedroom. 

While trying to keep him stable, you felt your belly press further into his back. The baby felt safer there, between the two of you. It felt right to be so close. . .

But, again, you focused on the important goal of getting Jake in bed. You just kept him pressed to you the best you could with a baby in the way. Matching his footing from behind, you walked in even step with him. 

Once you were officially at his door, you reached around him to open his door for him. When your hand met the knob and twisted it, he reached forward, placing his hand over yours to open it with you. The gentle action made your skin flame. 

Though, it didn’t last long. You didn’t pause, instead continuing into the room. And the moment you walked into the room, he tapped your arm, presumably to let you know he was okay on his own. So, you tentatively let go. 

Your arms suddenly felt empty, but you didn’t want to overstay your welcome. 

He seemed to be a little better now, sitting down on his bed. He did it with more effort than normally necessary, but he still seemed more capable than he’d been a few minutes ago. 

So, without a word, you went to head out of his room. Right before you could walk out the door, though, you heard him from behind you. 

“Where you going?” He asked sadly, sounding more like a neglected child than a grown man. 

Turning around with a brow raised, you asked the question with your eyes before saying it aloud. “Why? You’re good now, right?”

His eyes zoned out momentarily on your face. You just blamed it on the alcohol, feeling woozy. When he came back to Earth, his eyes met yours. His eyes suddenly seemed much clearer than before. All of the air in your lungs evaporated at the look he was giving you. Desperation was the most fitting word for it. 

“I’m not good without you,” he offered, his eyes darting to his feet almost directly after saying the words. He leaned down to sloppily take off his boots, but still neatly placed them next to his bed after taking them off. 

It was honestly pretty funny to watch. You would’ve been more amused if your mind wasn’t still reeling a bit from his words. You zoned out on his guitar, placed neatly on its stand.

He. is. drunk, y/n, your internal heckler reminded you. Stop overthinking.

But. . . drunk words are honest –.

“Can you help?” Jake asked, sounding desperate while trying to achieve a task.

You looked over at him, finding him standing now and struggling to take off a necklace. Without argument, you left where you’d been standing, dejected and confused, by the doorway, to help him. 

When you made it over to him, you tapped his hands where they struggled with the latch at the nape of his neck. 

“Let me,” you insisted, replacing his hands with yours when he moved them. 

Once the necklace was taken off, you made your way around him to place the jewelry on his bedside table, whose lamp bathed the room in golden light. 

You glanced down at the necklace, running a finger down the face of the medallion. Medusa. That was who was etched into the gold metal. 

“You into Greek mythology right now?” You questioned, peeking over your shoulder at him.

When you did, the sight that beheld you took you by total surprise. Shirtless. Shirt gone. No shirt. Jake, halfway naked. 

“Oh,” you uttered the word in a moan more than anything else. You even felt your jaw drop the slightest bit. You didn’t really think anything of it. You didn’t really care to control your reactions. He wouldn’t remember any of this. You just kept telling yourself that.

And with the way the heat flooded from your head all the way to your chest, blossoming to the pit of your tummy – you didn’t think you could control your reactions. Then, when he absentmindedly adjusted himself in his pants. . . Yep. 

You bit your lip, tucking hair behind your ear. Suddenly, you felt completely out of control of your body. . . Your hormones were calling the shots – they (and Jake) were making you feel unsteady in the best possible way. 

The only downside was: there wasn’t anything you could do about it. Morals stood in the way of your bodies colliding and fucking it out. 

You understood that the Jeep incident had happened. Of-fucking-course — there was no forgetting that shit. But a big part of you also thought it would be best to leave the other night in the Jeep in the past.

It wasn’t fair to anyone involved. Right? 

So. . . You just focused on the present moment. No sex. Just Jake in front of you. Tried to ignore the surge of want for him at seeing half of him bare. 

But goddamn — what a beautifully welcome sight. . . 

His body had changed in the handsomest of ways. His thighs, as you’d noticed recently, were thicker than before. And he was. . . just broader than before. It started at the width of his shoulders, and worked down his abdomen to fill out with toned, tight muscle — his new addition of muscle was thick beneath the surface. There was just more of him altogether. The perfect amount of body for you to touch, kiss, lick. . . . . goddammit.

He still wasn’t looking at you, instead making his way to the laundry hamper across the room. You observed the way the muscle in his back flexed as he walked. The expanse of skin under his shoulder blades — his back was thick with new strength. . .What in the sweet hell? 

When he carefully swiveled on his heel to make his way back to you, after tossing the shirt in the basket, you still didn’t take your eyes from him. Just admired the sight and the fact that watching him could be your own little secret. . . 

A secret not even for Jake to know.

Though, as if on cue, his line of sight connected with yours. And when it did – damn. Your heart hammered hard in your chest. Your breath was trapped in your throat, all of it stolen from you. 

His chocolate eyes, although hazy from alcohol, were so fucking dark. Dark in the same way they’d been in his Jeep last week. 

He looked the same as he had right before you’d bent over his lap. The same way he’d eyed you as you’d been on top of him – licking him, sucking him, touching him. . . 

So, instead of holding his eyes, you decided you had to look away before you made matters any worse than they were at the present moment. 

Awkwardly, you started your next sentence without taking time to think about it. “You good now, Ja–?”

“What was your question?” 

When he interrupted you, you wanted to look back at him. But you didn’t. Not with the way his voice was suddenly much fuller – deeper, raspier. . . 

Coughing to mask any sort of embarrassing action, you tried your best to think back to what you’d asked. You couldn’t even remember. . . oh. Medusa. Pointless question. Didn’t matter.

“It was noth–.”

“I don’t care. Still wanna know.”

“Jake, it seriously doesn’t matt–.”

“Look at me, y/n,” he demanded, daring to be argued with. “Quit acting like we’re strangers.”

God. Your teeth found your lip, biting harder with a deep inhale. You let the plumpness of your bottom lip fall from your teeth with a tight exhale. Your tongue pressed into your cheek, eyebrows knit with frustration, when you peered up at him. 

Fuck it all. This was why you hadn’t let yourself look at him. 

His hungry eyes scanned your body when he got his way. He stood there admiring all of you, but his eyes were zeroed in on your ass, not leaving it.

You looked down to get an idea of what he was looking at. 

And, to your horror, you noticed that the t-shirt had ridden up, completely exposing the bottom curve of your ass cheeks. 

But, you didn’t move to change it. Instead, you decided to just stand there. Let him look. You wanted him to. This wouldn’t even count in the morning when he forgot it all.

You definitely weren’t offended by his staring. Not in the slightest. Just sort of made you nervous where things would lead if he didn’t stop observing the exposed skin.

Diversion. 

“Jake,” you purposefully spoke his name, vying for his attention up top, rather than having his eyes on your ass. 

You got your wish. Sort of. His eyes dragged from your ass to your thighs. . . Only to stop at your tits. Your skin was flushed and your skin was tingling. Your breasts, heavy under his stare and nipples tightly peaked against your oversized shirt. 

Fuck. Your body really was your worst enemy — constantly gave you away. Pregnancy hormones were a pain in the ass. 

So, you did the only thing you could think to do: you watched him watch you. The idea of his eyes burning into you without the ability to control it. . . It was almost too much for you to handle. 

Then, he wet his lips, afterwards biting into his plump bottom lip. You might as well have been naked under his stare, completely at his mercy. 

His gaze stayed consistent on your chest, residing long enough to have you feeling so desperately needy for him. . . but, eventually, his eyes moved up to your face. 

You missed his stare on your body as soon as it was gone.

“You’re so fucking—goddamn,” he breathed, his expression still dazed. But, now it was from more than alcohol. Maybe not from alcohol at all. “Do you know how good you look carrying my baby?”

Your head became a flurried mess at his words, the feeling carrying all the way down to your toes. 

“Jake,” you tried, not sure what else to say besides his name. 

But he didn’t respond with words. No, all he did was walk closer to you, still half-dressed. Seeing so much of his body made you feel so utterly pathetic for him. 

In a split second, before you could even wrap your mind around it, his hands found your waist. A soft, yet firm hold of your body. His eyes were locked on your parted lips, his face slowly leaning in and coming dangerously close to your own. 

And just as he was with you, your eyes found his lips, plush and wet from his tongue gliding over them. So kissable. All you wanted, all you needed, was to feel them collide with yours. To taste him again, to savor the sweetness that you knew to be Jake. 

He was so close that you could smell the bitter remnants of alcohol on his breath. His breath, that felt so warm against your flushed skin. You couldn’t help it as you slowly let yourself lean into him. All too well, you knew how wrong it was. . . Yet, you were having the worst time finding it within yourself to care any longer. 

Amber-brown eyes flicked up to yours, golden flecks glowing from the dim yellow lamp lighting. Your own eyes were wide under your fluttering lashes. 

The drunkenness wasn’t as prevalent in his stare as it had been before. This felt so eerily intimate — like it had happened before. You couldn’t fucking shake the feeling this moment was giving you. The dim lighting. Him so close to you—tempting you. . . 

For some reason, your eyes fluttered down between the two of you to your small, rounded tummy. 

Jake’s lips brushed your forehead with the action, his hand coming to tuck hair behind your ear. 

Your belly—it was nestled so well in the middle of your bodies, brushing up against his firm stomach. Protected.

And then a memory, clear now, came rushing back to you. It was coming out of the shadows, having been foggy and faded, but not anymore. 

The only place to go was your room, your door ajar just enough that it opened easily on its own. Jake had reached a hand behind him to close it gently– not wanting to wake anyone. 

Your lamp, still left on, just as it had been earlier in the evening, shed the perfect amount of golden glow. 

You’d grabbed his face, pulling him away from you momentarily to appreciate his features. Finally out of the dark you could look at him. 

And, God, you loved his face. Everything about it, having been so intricately and delicately created — making the most beautiful man you’d ever laid eyes on.

A quiet smirk had graced Jake’s perfect lips, his eyes tightly locked with yours. 

“What’s the matter?” He’d asked, his hushed, now-sultry voice making your need for him that much more heightened. 

You thought a moment before you answered. 

With all of your feelings for him finally becoming realized in your own mind, there was just so much you felt you needed to say. So much you needed him to know. 

As you’d stared in his sparkling eyes, pupils pure black from the weed and his need for you, the only word your mind could conjure up was love. Over and over again. Not just the word, but the feeling; the new desire for him that went far beyond the purely physical one that you’d tried so hard to convince yourself of. 

But it wasn’t new; it had been clear all along. You’d just shoved it down to the deepest trenches of your mind, only to be discovered by the most skilled explorer. 

There was so much you had wanted to say, but you just couldn’t conjure the proper words. 

You decided your body could do all the talking. It could say more than your voice ever could.

“Nothing,” you’d whispered against his lips as you pulled him in for the deepest kiss you were certain the two of you had ever shared with one another.

You gasped as you looked up at him. The night you’d conceived—.

“Y/n, sweet girl,” Jake’s smoky voice brought your attention back to the situation. You let your body melt into his even more, needing him near. 

The reality of it all suddenly began to set in when his hands, slow and steady in their pace, moved up your waist. Strong hands now moving under your shirt, set in their direction of ascension. They came to a steady stop just beneath the curve of your tender breasts. 

“You know,” he breathed, breath washing over your lips. You blinked up at him, at his mercy. “I wanna do so much more than just hold your pretty tits,” he whispered, his lips brushing ever so lightly against yours. “How do they feel?”

“H-heavy,” you stuttered, shivering against his touch while his thumbs met at your sternum, tracing delicate patterns. 

His palms suddenly dropped from beneath your shirt. You sucked in a breath, whining as your breasts pushed out for more. Your skin begged for his touch, on fire for him. 

Before long, though, his hands came back to their spot over the fabric of the t-shirt this time. 

And, over your shirt, he cupped as much of your chest as he could, keeping you in his hold as he gently massaged. 

Stars. You saw so many stars. 

“But, not—not as sore tonight,” you sighed, settling into his grasp. There were no worries evident to you right now. 

All that mattered was Jake and his searing hot touch.

You felt him smile as close as he was, his lips almost connecting with yours as you fought back every desire to kiss him. “Yeah?”  He whispered again, raspier, while his thumbs lightly grazed your hardened nipples through your shirt, your breath catching in your throat. “What do you need right now, baby?”

The moan that escaped your lips should have been embarrassing. But it wasn’t. Not at all. It fit quite well with the way his fingers continued in their path over your nipples, circling them. He was stealing every bit of air left in your lungs, making your eyes roll back in your head.

“Tell me, baby,” he growled, lips touching yours with each word. 

Closing your eyes and biting your bottom lip, you answered silently. You, Jake. I fucking need you. 

He returned to his grip underneath your breasts, over the shirt still, cradling them so well. . . Your body just fit with his. The touch of his hands cured even the most uncomfortable changes in your body. 

You whined, not able to help the effect he was having on you and your aching body. “Jake, I need–.” Fuck. 

No. This was wrong. He was drunk. Odds were, he wouldn’t remember this. You were the one letting it happen, letting it get much further than it should have. 

“Tell me, y/n,” he repeated, brushing his thumbs once again over your taut nipples with more intent this time as your body began to tremble. “Tell me what I can do for you–.”

“I’m hungry,” you muttered out of nowhere, shaking your head as you effectively interrupted him. You pulled away, getting yourself out of another situation that could turn sticky real fast. (Yes, pun intended.) 

And you really were very hungry. Hadn’t eaten for hours. So, it was the perfect mood killer. 

“O-oh, yeah,” he breathily spoke, eyebrows dipping in just a bit as he dropped his stare. His long hair waved out around his shoulders when he shook his head. The sound of inebriated haziness was evident in his tone still, but you could tell he was quickly coming back to himself. 

And that also terrified you. The moment just now. . . Had that brought him back? You’d seen his eyes brighten when you’d leaned into him. 

He went to move past you, his body nearly meeting yours. You put out a hand, millimeters away from his heaving chest. But you couldn’t touch him yet. Not yet. Had to clear your mind. 

“Want me to make something for you?” He wondered, sounding ready to help even amidst his tipsy state. 

“I can do it,” you assured him with a small sigh and grin. “I’m capable.”

“You sure?”

“More than.” 

Your eyes held one another’s for a heavy minute. He was trying to make sure you were being honest, you could tell. 

You just encouraged him to believe your statement with a little pat to his warm, bare chest. Shit. 

You had to go. Get out of the room. Make some damn food. 

But he was right there. . . 

No. 

You quickly took your hand away before he could do something like hold it there. He didn’t get the chance, thanks to your reflexes. 

Your hands interlocked under your belly as you peeked up at him through your lashes. “I promise. I do things for myself all the time. Please let me.”

“You don’t have to ask for–,” hiccup, the sobriety still not fully present. He held a fist over his mouth, trying to be polite. Your smile met your eyes, so gone for him. . . “For my permission, y/n. Seriously. I just want to help you however I–,” hiccup, his eyes bugged a little. The giggle that came from you couldn’t be stopped. “ I can. Jesus.”

“Go to sleep,” you tried, wracking your brain for the best possible plan for him to feel better. “I’ll be okay.”

“Nah. Not yet. Wanna take a shower first,” he iterated, eyebrows drawn together with the sureness of his plan. “It’ll help.”

“Okay,” you smiled, inhaling a breath before shaking your head and moving to open his door. 

Rather than letting you get it, he raised his arm above your head, holding the door to do the job himself. You watched as he opened it wider, seeing his bicep flex with the action above your head. He’d opened it just enough for you to exit. 

You connected eyes with his, looking at him over your shoulder. 

The grin that lifted your features occurred on its own. Everything he did was making you swoon. The fucker.  

He snickered a bit at you, his teeth coming to show past his pretty lips. Dimples fully present with his knowing smile. “Go eat,” he motioned with his other hand before stepping towards you, planning to exit behind you. “My baby momma needs sustenance.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

About forty-five minutes passed. 

You’d eaten an entire box of macaroni and cheese. The noodles and yellow-y, plastic cheese weren’t making you want to gag anymore. Thank god, because it really was quite delicious. 

Now, to wash your dishes and go to bed.

You’d just heard the shower shut off about ten minutes prior to the moment you heard footsteps approach in the doorway to the kitchen.

Jake. 

“Will you come sleep with me?”

You spun to give him a questioning look from over your shoulder that held a million questions.

“Wh-what?” You stilled your task of washing the bowl you’d had your quick meal of macaroni and cheese in.

But, now, you weren’t thinking of mac and cheese. No, now you were thinking of what he just said.

When you’d looked over your shoulder at him, your eyes stuck naturally on the man standing at the doorway of the kitchen. The gesture that was meant to be quick, definitely turning into a whole-ass Jake Appreciation Fest.  

Just like earlier that evening, there he was. Shocking every nerve in your system. 

Pajama pants, slung low on his hips. . . his handsomely tanned and toned chest, still bare. His wet hair, laying on his pecs, dripping water onto each muscle. The drops of water made their way down his hard nipples, probably chilly from his shower, down his sculpted obliques and solid abdomen. . .

. . . And down, past the waistband of his plaid pajama pants. Your favorite ones. 

The pursuit you took with your line of sight was unstoppable. You had to know if he was wearing them. . . And, to your complete gladness, you saw just enough of an outline of him as he leaned his weight on one foot. . . That was all it took to know. . .

“No, I’m not wearing underwear,” he smugly remarked. 

His tone and words made your heart flutter and your cheeks become the deepest shade of crimson. Fuck. He’d caught you.

Deciding to ignore his little remark, you went back to washing the dish, still being held over the sink. In a much looser grip thanks to his comment. Gripping the dish tighter, you put all of your spinning nerves into washing it properly. You fumbled a little, but hoped he didn’t notice. 

“What did you mean before? About sleeping together?” You tried, working to maintain enough attention on the dish that you wouldn’t drop it against the sink and break the thin Corelle. 

“Just sleep,” he emphasized with a chuckle, sounding more and more like himself the longer he stood there. “Nothing more. Cross my heart.”

“Oh,” you offered lamely, heart thumping a hundred miles an hour in your chest, boobs suddenly aching for. . . Fuck. 

Why was he asking you to simply sleep with him? What the hell? 

God. . .

Should you? Was it a good idea? Well, no. You could answer that. It wasn’t a good idea. At all. 

But. . . should you go lay with him? Maybe fall asleep in his arms. . . Would it help you sleep easier after your short, uneasy rest from earlier in the evening?

Shit.

You knew the answer. Knew the answer very well. Even before EMDR, when the bad dreams would occur, they were always better – tamed, happy, or gone completely – when you slept in the same bed as Jake. 

“Yeah,” you said, not taking any more time to contemplate. “I will.”

“Alright,” he replied, sounding relieved behind you. Why did he sound so happy? Surely it wasn’t that big of a deal to him. He still had alcohol in his system. That explained it. 

 You rinsed the rest of the bubbles from the bowl when you heard him speak up again. 

“Want me to wash it?”

“N-no,” you stuttered nervously and shook your head, focusing on the sudsy dish. “I’ve got it.”

“Okay. You full? Get enough to eat?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he answered, the smile evident in his tone. “Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t,” you reassured, willing your pulse to return to normal. 

And, seconds later, you were hearing his footfalls against the carpet as he made his way back to his room. 

Well. 

Finishing the job of the bowl, – taking much longer than needed – you contemplated. 

You guessed his tone was still a little wavy, but you knew better than to think he was still drunk. 

He definitely wasn’t.

Had the shower helped that much? Had it been the moment in his room? Both combined? 

After the equally clean saucepan was put away in the drawer below the oven, you dragged your feet a bit more as you went to check on Stevie and put some more food in her dish. When her tail swished across your calves, you felt a bit of calmness return to you. 

Your heart was still thrumming in your chest. But you were able to slow your thoughts down enough to feel more at peace as you took notice of yourself in your full-body mirror.

Damn. . .oooo-kay, y/n. . . 

Why did you suddenly feel completely confident in your body? You turned, getting every angle. 

It just felt so great to not doubt your appearance. It was just like last Monday. You could get used to this feeling. 

Your boobs looked fantastic and big under your gray t-shirt, nipples peaked as they most-often were these days. Your ass looked perfectly rounded out from the way it peeked out of your soft shirt. . . And, lifting your t-shirt, you looked at the little bump of your tummy. 

The best addition to the entire look. Your grin was natural as you admired your baby. . .

Your tummy was growing steadily as you still sat on the bigger side of pregnant bellies. Your bump wasn’t a little subtle thing. No, it was an obviously pregnant belly. 

Small, but definitely still noticeable. And it was just cute as hell. 

After rubbing a gentle hand over the expanse of skin on your belly, you pulled your shirt back down over it. 

And with a final fluff of your hair, you grabbed your Stanley from the nightstand before making your way to where you’d find sleep tonight. 

You were just going to get good rest for your baby. It was for the baby. 

That was what you worked to convince yourself of as you walked with quiet purpose to his bedroom. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Why did you come home?”

You were laying in his bed. Just like old times. 

Except, in the past, where you would’ve most likely been naked, you were not tonight. 

Everything else though? Same as always.

Your legs were tied into his, looped around his just right, playing footsie with him beneath the covers. Your head rested on his bare chest, your hand underneath your cheek as it laid so perfectly well on his exquisitely strapped pecs.

Oh, also. . . One more thing different than before: the bump. The baby, tucked snugly against his side where you were turned into him. 

It was heaven. That was what it was. 

A yawn emitted from deep in his chest. You knew sleep was finding him faster than you would’ve liked. Naturally, a little yawn found you as well.

Sighing heavily to follow the yawn, you felt his hand that laid above you come to comb through the strands of your hair.  “I don’t like being away from you.”

Your heartbeat was heavy in your ears – did your best to ignore it.

“Was Maya mad?”

“Yeah.”

“Jake,” you scolded, for no reason. You didn’t give two shits about how she felt. But. . . you did care about his happiness – didn’t want to ruin his relationship when it made him feel happy and whole.

“She’ll get over it,” he reassured with another yawn that lifted your cheek with his rising chest. “She was drunker than I was.”

“Are you still drunk?” You pondered aloud with a yawn and a giggle, naturally emitting in his presence. 

But. . . you knew better. Didn’t even have to ask. It just made all of this more understandable if he were to still be drunk. It made this easier to submit to. 

You didn’t know why the prospect of simply laying beside him was harder to come to terms with than having his dick in your mouth. Just like it’d been a week ago. 

Your cheeks heated at the thought. Of its own volition, your thigh came to momentarily graze past his crotch.

“Not really,” he answered, sounding a touch offended that you’d even asked. “Pretty sober now, honestly.”

The more coherent he sounded, the more intimidated you became. . . 

Best to let him find sleep. You’d answer to this in the morning. . . For now, your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier by the moment. 

“I believe you,” you settled with a contented yawn of your own, nestling into his chest. Couldn’t help it. Had to be closer.

You blinked, slower and slower. So sleepy — just felt so right in his arms. His hand came to hold the base of your skull as a thumb traced your head so lightly. 

Goosebumps rose on your skin from his precious gesture. . . It felt so damn incredible. 

“You should,” he iterated, his lips coming to meet the crown of your head, giving you a feather-light kiss. 

And, within a minute, he was lightly snoring. 

It took almost no time at all for you to follow him to slumber. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Just like you would’ve guessed, the bad dreams didn’t come that night. 

. . .Because Jake made everything better. That was just it. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

December 16, 2022 

As you sat in the waiting room, you surveyed him and noticed he wasn’t wearing the Medusa medallion. The newer one you’d noticed on Monday. 

“No Medusa?” You questioned, at a decent enough volume to not disturb the few other mothers and fathers in the waiting room. He flicked his amber-brown gaze over to you, caught in a trance by the beautiful, light decor of the clinic. 

Once he looked at you, his eyebrows only dipped at your words, not understanding. You motioned to his neck with a slight flick of your wrist. “Your Medusa medallion. I noticed it the other night.”

He snorted, lips quirking in a small grin with a shake of his head. “That was a stupid gift I got from Maya’s little sister,” he explained, scratching the back of his head. 

“Jake,” you disciplined his words, but you couldn’t help the tiny giggle that slipped past your lips. It was kind of funny that he found it stupid. 

“What?!” He turned to you, a full smile on his face. You raised a faux disappointed brow at him and he contended that with his next remark, “Okay, yes, I know I shouldn’t call it stupid. Maya said it’s because of her sister’s little crush on me. . . But it was kind of funny that she showed up with it at her birthday party, for one,” he explained, crossing his legs at the knee. “And for two, Medusa? A Greek goddess? Since when is that my primary interest?”

You shrugged at that, a small smile stuck to your features. He was adorable.

He continued on, “For some reason, Maya struggles to differentiate between pirates and mythology. . . and no matter how many times I explain they’re different, she doesn’t catch on to it.” 

He shook his head, tousling a hand through his long, wavy hair as he placed the other hand on his knee. His rings weren’t present today, so you got to truly appreciate the curvatures of his tanned, masculine hands. 

“You should still acknowledge that Maya’s sister’s–what’s her name?”

“Kaia. K-a-i-a. . . Different from Maya’s by two letters. Sound the same, though,” he snickered.

Kaia and Maya. . . so they’re a rhyming name family. For some reason, the thought made you snort a laugh, a grin claiming your lips. 

“I know,” Jake said, a little humorous in his own tone. “Kaia and Maya. Can we agree to not name our kids rhyming names?”

Our kids? As in, more than the one in your belly?

You took note of him and his reaction to his mistake, watched the way his eyes continued scanning the walls of the white and blush waiting room. 

He seemed to not notice his mess up, still going about his business as usual. His foot tapped against the bamboo flooring to the beat of the classic rock radio station playing. 

You decided to ignore his words. It had been a slip up. Just like your own slip up in the car the other day. 

You, speaking of love. 

Jake, mentioning multiple kids. 

You both were just in a state of stress with the life change. . . it wasn’t anything. Just a couple mis-worded moments.

You continued on, looking down at your belly briefly, smoothing your hands down your sweater to flatten any weird lines. “. . .Kaia’s sentiment was kind. Her little crush is sweet,” you iterated, sounding more like a mom everyday. “I hope you told her thank you.”

He chuckled, raspy and light, at you. Switching your line of sight up to him, you saw his eyes read a sense of fondness as he cast his gaze on you. 

“I did,” he smirked, winking at you. Your tummy fluttered with butterflies. “You are going to be a fantastic mom, y/n. I’ve known it for a long time and I know it more and more with your little coaching moments.”

Your heart went crazy at the thought of him imagining you as a fantastic mother. And he’d known it for a long time? How long? What did that mean? 

“Thanks, Jake,” you blushed a light pink, matching the colors of the crepe walls. There was one more thing you wanted to say though. 

“However,” you cleared your throat, glancing at him momentarily from the corner of your eye. He was heeding you, brow arched as he waited for your next words. 

“I can’t say anything to excuse Maya’s non-acknowledgment at the obvious contrasts of pirates and mythology. They are two completely different beasts,” you emphasized, turning your full attention to him. He was still watching you. The flush was back in your cheeks. “I’ve seen enough of your documentaries about pirates and I’m an English major, for God’s sake. . . so I know these things.”

The way his features brightened was precious – like he was being seen. 

And he was seen. He would always be seen if you had anything to say about it. 

Also, you did know the difference, you weren’t lying. None of what you said was a lie. You’d said what you did because you needed him to know that you understood. His interests mattered to you and they should to Maya as well. They should matter to her more-so. 

The moment was cut off quite quickly, though, as you were hearing your name being called to the back for your appointment. 

You were about to see your baby again. With Jake. And you’d know by the end of the hour if it was a boy or girl. . . 

The blood was pumping in your ears as Jake fell in step beside you on the way to the back. You smiled up at him, where you were met with his sparkling eyes. Both of you were obviously giddy with eagerness and excitement. 

Your thoughts were filled with everything that was to come. All sunshine and pale colors – so much love.

Here we go. . .

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: ...i wonder if you can guess the name/gender after this chapter part... ;) see you soon (next part is almost finished, my loves) :) feel free to always come to my ask box or message box! i'm always down to talk when my adhd/anxiety doesn't attack me <3

ty for being the best readers in the world and pleaseee never hesitate to send in your wonderful thoughts! love youuuu <3

& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)

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Taglist:

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#jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka fanfic #jake fic #my fics #covet #chapter 11 might be a top three fav chapter for me... #part 3 is when some shit goes downnn #ruh roh #hehe

[changisworld]

Hii, I've got a request in mind, thinking about Hannie but ain't not sure if it fits Seungmin too (that "honey can you bring my towel" scene he acted at that tv show lives rent free in my mind), so it's a first time thing + shy reader + he puts her hand on his hard on (Idk I feel like they give such a sneaky vibe, in a moment you're laughing with him and the next you're underneath him). Steamy make out, dry humping, handjob, whatever you feel more fitting, just pls don't let poor bb with them blue balls 👀

Little note: can I be 🍦 anon? ❤

MY BABY 🍦im so sorry its taken almost 3 months to write this:( better late than never though! i hope it was semi worth the wait<3

i had no idea what you were referring to so i had to go on tiktok n find it n i THINK i know what youre talking about!

Word count;2,760

18+, MDNI SMUT WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT

©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post.

main masterlist here.

SMUT WARNINGS: PIV, whiny hannie, handjob, fingering(f rec), spit, creampie, dry humping, teasing, hannie & y/n are both subby?, slightly nervous hannie, tit play, slight mommy kink

You're currently sitting on your new boyfriend, Han jisungs bed while he showers in his small bathroom connecting to his bedroom & you're just scrolling through tiktok as he belts out whatever song that's playing from his phone without a care in the world.

You've been dating Jisung for around 3 months but you both have agreed that you can both see it going long term, much to both of your happiness!

You've warmed up to Jisung a whole bunch, being a whole lot more shy before meeting him & he was just as much as a nervous person as you are, but you've both brought out the best in one another. But, because you're both a bit more reserved, you've been a bit too scared to make the first move. You've kissed countless times & he has slipped a finger in once or twice, but nothing else past that, him not wanting to push any more boundaries.

You're just watching some of those true crime tiktoks, sprawled out on top of the messy, unmade bedsheets, not realising the shower had turned off until you hearing Jisung kissing his own teeth & groaning.

"Y/nnie? Can you go into my closet n gimme a towel, I've forgotten mine!" Han yells through the door, dragging out the last syllable & you just hum in response before dragging yourself to where he stores his clothes, towels & blankets & grabbing the first one you see.

"Open the door then Sungie!" you cheer, fingers fidgeting with the material. Jisung slowly opens the door & pokes his head out, not wanting to show anything non PG, he pinches the towel out of your hand but doesn't bother to fully close the door over again as he tries to tie it around his waist before awkwardly chuckling.

"Y/nnie, uh, I usually just.. air dry? after showering & I genuinely have no idea how to tie it like how girls do! If you... don't mind could you tie it for me? Or you can just bring me some sweatpants n I can change in here!" He splurges out, almost being able to hear his heartbeat through the door separating you both.

"You'll just stay damp in there since the steam is hitting me in the face, yeah I can.. I can tie it for you." you reply, trying to sound confident. You give him the time to hold the towel around him & you slowly push open the door, the smell of the shampoo & body wash he used still strong in the air.

You give him a smile & a small giggle, which he gladly mirrors & you take the top part of the towel & tightening it before tucking it in, making it stay put without the need to hold it with his hands anymore.

As you do this though, you realise the towel is a bit of an odd size, it being a bit small despite it being wrapped around his tiny waist, showing off his growing bulge through the tight DIY now skirt he is wearing & you can't help but blush.

"Oi! Don't look! I said I don't use towels I didn't realise they're a horrible size!" as he covers the growing tent under the towel, his chubby cheeks going red as his big eyes look at you & you just laugh but your eyes can't stop trailing down to his now fidgeting hands.

"You're so dramatic Sungie, It's hot in a way, you're so unaware it's funny." You giggle, your fingers pinching his cheeks & he blushes even more before his hands move from where they were perched to swat your fingers away, but as he does so, his towel of course begins to slip & you both realise at the same time, your hands & his hands racing to stop it from falling.

Your hands reach the towel first & you grab it & his hands cup over yours & you both realise instantly, you're cupping over his now even more hardening cock, his own hands keeping you there.

You both look up at your hands at the same time then back up at each other, both of your eyes wide open. He quickly removes his hands from yours, but to both of your surprise, you don't move your hands away.

"Y/nnie, you gonna move your hands or what?" he questions, his voice full of shock. You snap back into reality when he says this & your hands whip away from him, holding them up to your chest.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know you wouldn't lik-" you rush out. "hey hey hey! I didn't not like it, I liked it as much as any other guy would! I just didn't think you would be so bold or ballsy I guess?!" he cuts you off, using one hand to hold the towel around his waist as he is waving the other hand around, trying to get his point across.

You blush at what he says & you pause for a moment, but when you can't really think of a verbal response, you give a physical one instead, & you move your hand to lightly cup him again which makes his hips twitch as he looks at you, his jaw slightly open.

You move your hand slightly, getting a bit of a better feel & he instantly gets harder under your touch & he stutters & you just giggle again at him, looking at his features, watching for the reaction he's giving.

"Is this alright, Sungie?" you ask as you take the extra mini step & lean in to his neck & give it a quick peck before looking into his eyes, smiling at his pretty face. "Y-yeah, can we not do this in the bathroom though? ruins the mood, unless you wanna get back in the shower with me?" he jokes, trying to sound confident despite him absolutely freaking out inside.

You nod your head & take his hand & you both walk back into the bedroom & you straddle him once the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, him flopping down. "Can I.. remove this? We don't need to though, Hannie." you murmur out, cupping his cheeks.

"Mhmm, please, please please." he pleads before he pushes on the back of your head & he kisses you, his tongue not taking long to begin poking into your own. At the same time, you raise your hips just enough so you can paw the towel away, now leaving him bare beneath you, which makes you think your heart is going to come out of your mouth.

You slowly grind over his cock with your covered core in a slow motion as you deepen the kiss, Jisung letting out a small groan at the contact & his hips buck up when you allow a shaky hand to wrap around his already somehow leaky cock & you begin jerking it at a good pace, his lips involuntarily breaking away from yours for a second, drool completely coating his lips & chin by this point.

"This okay f'you?" you tease, his reactions already giving away the fact that it's more than okay, he just lets out another small whine before moving his head up enough to kiss you again, his hips bucking up into your hand & his precum coating parts of your hand, his tip completely shiny.

You grind down on his upper thighs as you jerk him off, your own little pants swapping between your lips as you get a bit, but no way near enough friction for you to fully get off on.

Hans breathing begins to speed up & become slightly erratic & he moves his fingers from the back of your hair & he rests them on your hips, helping you grind, but not long after, he is fiddling with the waistband & you take the hint, you break your lips from his & take the few seconds to wiggle off your pants, leaving you in your plain cotton panties & Jisungs shirt you stole.

Hi big boba eyes, completely blown out, stare up at you in awe & he sits up, his face level with your covered tits. "Can I take this off too, y/nnie?" he asks & the second you give the okay, he gets rid of it before you have the time to blink, letting out a strained grunt at the fact you aren't wearing a bra.

Once you're left in just your underwear, Jisung flips you over so he is between your legs, leaning over you & he basically has his eyes glued to your now pebbled nipples & he has to bite his lip to avoid drooling all over them & you giggle at his reaction, your cheeks going red with a mix of nerves, slight embarrassment from his eyes burning into you & also love.

Jisung makes his way down slightly so he is level with your chest & he simply admires your tits as his left hand now rests on your inner thigh, thumb caressing it.

"Can I touch you, jagi? We don't need to go any further." he asks for reassurance. "Hannie, stop asking, I'm dying for it, please." you respond, your hips jerking up to convince him. He blushes more than he already is & he lets his fingers trail onto your covered core as he runs his finger up & down your slit, making you bite your lip, trying to not moan too loudly.

"Don't silence yourself jagi, don't be nervous, it's just me." he says in a sweet tone as his fingers move your underwear to the side, happy with himself with the wet spot he caused on the fabric.

His fingers begin spreading your wetness on your slit, making sure to prolong an extra few seconds of attention on your clit before he enters one finger into your dripping hole, a small squelch noise being made from it & your back slightly arching off the bed, Jisung not being able to hold back the smirk now spreading across his lips as he lets his lips latch onto your nipple.

"O-oh shit! Sungie, right there." you whimper, your fingers weaving into his hair as you spread your legs a bit more & wiggling your hips, trying to get his finger impossibly deeper.

He decides to add a second finger as he finds your G-spot & your breath hitches in your throat & your eyes scrunch shut, pulling his hair, him moaning into your tit along with you.

You feel your orgasm beginning to build up as you can both feel yourself clenching around his now two fingers. "Sungie, lie down, wanna cum with you." you whimper, trying your hardest to concentrate enough to speak an actual sentence.

Jisung unlatches himself from your tit & pulls his now soaked fingers out of your cunt, much to his displeasure. He crawls his way to the top of the bed & rests his head on the pillows & you are quick to follow behind him, straddling him again before leaning down to kiss him.

"Can I put it inside? Wanna feel you." He pleads, glossy eyes looking up at you as his hands are resting on your waist. "What's the magic word?" you decide to tease, your fingers reaching down to fondle his balls, making his eyebrows furrow & another bead of precum dripping down his cock.

"Pleaseee, mommy please, please let me." he begs, not being able to stop his ears going bright red as his fingers move their way to your ass, kneading the flesh in his hands as his hips keep buck up into you.

You are caught slightly by surprise by the 'mommy' part of the sentence, but you also know it's exactly something he & now also you're into.

You decide to not let him wait any longer as you're also itching for him to fill you up, your wetness leaving a small slick patch of where you were straddling as you raise your hips & Jisung grabs his pretty dick & runs it over your folds, making you jolt, before aligning himself up with your hole & you begin to slide him inside.

You sink down until you can't anymore & you both hiss at the feeling, him already resting against your spongey spot & the warmth of you wrapped around him making his mind spill.

You raise your hips slightly & then sink back down, setting a slow but pleasurable pace as small moans begin escaping your lips, jisungs eyes completely stuck to you, simply admiring you.

Drool escapes his lips & dribbles down the side of his cheek, his tongue poking out his jaw dropped mouth ever so often as you both share moans.

"Yo-you're so tight jagi, mind is n-oh m, fuck." Jisung babbles, his hands helping your thrusts by moving your ass up & down as his hips jerk up to also meet you in the middle, making you squeal.

You place your hands on his shoulders as you begin to quicken your pace, trying your best to ignore the stinging pain in your thighs as you do so.

Jisung sits himself up against the headboard, making sure to not slip out of you as he settle you both in the similar but different position. You begin grinding on his cock & slowly bouncing as Jisung reaches to begin suckling on your nipple again as his fingers begin to fondle your other tit, making you moan.

"Y-you're filling me so well, Sungie" you whimper as your motions find the best spot where his cock can reach & picking up your speed.

Jisung lets out a loud 'uumph' as his tip hits into your soft spot, making your belly go hot inside, but he can feel your speed slowing. Jisung unlatches from your now spit covered nipple & blows some cold air on it before he repositions you both, helping you lay on your stomach & you lift your hips so your ass is in the air for him, which makes him groan.

"Sungie, put it back in, wanna make you cum." you implore, wiggling your ass in front of him to convince him, which works as he swallows a choked moan before lining himself back up with your sopping cunt & sliding back in.

You both let out a moan in unison as Jisung begins to pick up his pace, trying his best to not throw his head back from the new position & angle, looking down at the way your ass ripples every time his hips hit against it & he can feel his orgasm building up instantly.

You both keep babbling, mostly to yourselves, his pace just right so you can't stop clenching, your knuckles turning white from gripping the bedsheets, your cheek pressed against the bed.

"S-sung- I'm gonna c-cum." you yelp, eyes rolling to the back of your head, Jisungs cock got a white ring against the base of his cock, being able to quite literally hear the wetness coming from between your legs.

"S-me too, clenching t-too much, w-wher-" "Inside, inside Hannie." you are quick to cut him off, rushing the words out just in time before your orgasm bubbles over, your legs getting weak & if it wasn't for Jisung holding onto your hips. As soon as your cunt begins to spasm around him, his own release hits him & his cum paints the inside of your walls white, basically squealing as the pleasure washes over him, his bottom lip all puffy from how much he has been biting it.

He pulls out & slowly helps you lay down fully on your stomach before he lets himself flop down too, straddling your ass & his face level with yours.

You both stay like this, him turning his head slightly to kiss your earlobe, his fingers moving the hair out of your face.

"You wanna get back in the shower then?" you murmur, getting your breath back, chuckling.

"I wouldn't mind that, we are sticking to each other, but I wouldn't mind staying like this." he hums back, smiling to mostly himself as he shuts his eyes, inhaling the smell of your skin, your perfume still a bit faint on your skin after all this time.

"n a mommy kink, Sungie? Who woulda thought." you tease, giggling. "Hey! if you liked it then who cares, its hot." he replies, him trying to hide the slight fluster in his voice.

->Anon list is open!

->Taglist is open!

#skz smut #stray kids #han jisung #han jisung smut #jisung smut #han jisung x reader #kpop smut #smut #han jisung fluff #skz #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz x reader #straykids x reader #straykids #straykids imagines

[pixiesfz]

part 2 of this

moving on j.r x reader

plot: you are an adult now and move to Manchester

warnings: in this jill never played at Arsenal and also this has some heavy themes of SA and toxic relationships

Years later you had gotten out of your family home, earning enough money to fly out to Manchester and own your apartment, leaving your family behind.

You had healed.

You were openly out and had made many friends in the city. You sometimes went out to watch the soccer, men's or women’s. It gave you the comfort that reminded you of Jill.

You had seen her Instagram, your finger hovering over the follow button for far too long.

Career-wise your life had been doing amazing, all your singing writing as a teenager had paid off as you sold your songs off to famous singers and heard them sing them on stages.

You had recently finally settled into your apartment, just adding in a small detail here and there.

Your favourite part of owning your own home was the control you had, picking which sheets you used, choosing what paint color you would paint your bedroom walls, and finally choosing who you let in.

You never told your parents where exactly you were moving, you just said Europe and left.

You didn’t want them trying to control you in your own home.

It was about your fifth week in Manchester when you met Ellie, you were walking from a local furniture store with a rugged stool in your hand, you thought it wouldn’t be a hassle to walk but when he offered you two for the price of one you took it.

And now you couldn’t see where you were going.

Ellie was walking nearby and noticed your struggle immediately, walking over and offering to help you.

“I’m Ellie” she introduced herself once she placed the stool in front of your door

“Y/N” you smiled before looking at the door and then back to the older girl “Would you like to come in?” you asked, a blush roaming over your cheeks.

Ellie nodded “Yeah I would like that”, you nodded back before opening the door for both of you as you placed the stools down nearby.

You had swapped numbers that night, an obvious connection being created as you saw each other more.

You had created some friends in your workplace, sharing fun ideas with each other and sharing stories.

“You and Ellie are so perfect it’s like a movie” Olivia gushed as you told her how she brought you flowers last night. “I know, she’s amazing” you laughed, placing your papers down.

“It’s good being able to love in person, not behind a door” you told her and she nodded, already knowing about your past life when you lived with your parents.

“I’m happy for you”.

You had been so infatuated with Ellie that you never heard of the news of Jill’s move to Manchester City from Wolfsburg. Personally you were following Manchester United but Ellie was big on City so when she dragged you to a Manchester derby you were a tad bit excited.

You had also invited Olivia and her husband to come with you as you all sat down in the stands. The game was starting soon as you cheered for the girls in red, you knew they would most likely lose from how good you heard City were doing but you still had hope.

Jill had walked out onto the field, shaking her hands to rid of her nerves, she craned her neck round after before shaking her legs, a small ritual she did as she walked onto the ground.

There wasn’t a big crowd today, due to the earlier game time but she didn’t mind, usually, when she played in small games she was more aware of all her options.

You were watching the united girls warm up in front of you, joining into chants here and there, your girlfriend refusing to sing the chants with you.

“Oh C’mon babe just one” you whined, pulling out your finger to represent the number “You sing a city one then” she shot back and you shook your head “Only if you sing united”

“Ok what about Roord, she’s my favourite player” your girlfriend said and your skin went pale.

“Roord?” you question and your girlfriend smiled “yeah Jill, she plays for your international team, I’ll teach you all about soccer babe it’s fine”

You reached your head around to see the City girls and there she was.

She was taller, her hair was blonder and she was still as gorgeous as ever, Jill.

Your Jill.

You choked on your water, throwing a thumbs up when Olivia’s husband asked if you were okay.

When the game started you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her, fortunately, Ellie was too into the game to notice your very obvious stare at the Dutch player.

When the game ended 2-0 City’s way you watched as your girlfriend ran back to the stands to grab a pen.

Jill had started her lap around the oval, deciding to go do it herself instead of with Kerstin because she didn’t want to stand through another lovey-dovey conversation between her and her girlfriend.

You had been talking to someone behind you when she heard a Dutch accent, being intrigued to find a Dutch person at a game but when she looked up to you she was frozen, ignoring the fans calling her name.

“Y/N?”

You turned around from the sound of your name only to be met with the eyes that you fell in love with years ago.

“Y/N?” another voice popped up and you turned your head to your girlfriend who had knocked her head in the direction of Jill.

“Oh, Ellie uhm- “

“Do you want that signed?” Jill asked, directing her hand to the City jersey Ellie held in her hands before she nodded

“How do you know my girlfriend?” Ellie asked before you looked at her weirdly, Jill also looking up with shock

“We went to the same school” Jill smiled dryly before passing back the shirt “Uh it was nice to see you,” Jill said to you before walking straight to the tunnel, skipping the rest of the fans.

You shared weird looks with all of your friends. Ellie’s eyes looking down at you. “Why did you never tell me you knew one of my favourite soccer players?”

You shrugged a fake laugh escaping your lips “I guess it just never came up.”

The car ride home was silent, Olivia and her husband left in an Uber from the game to go to her parents house, which left you and Ellie in the car alone.

Usually, this wouldn’t matter to you. You and Ellie are in the car together all the time.

This felt different. She hadn’t looked at you since you got in and her knuckles were turning white at the steering wheel.

“Ellie-“ “When you told me your parents found you with a girl once was it Jill?”

You were taken back from the question “Why does it matter?” you ask and she rolled her eyes “Was it?”

You scoffed “I don’t see how it’s any of your business but yes, yes it was”

You saw her knuckles turn even whiter as she turned into her apartment. A pit forms in your stomach “Can you drop me home to mine?” you ask and she turns to you “It’s late y/n, you know I don’t like driving at night”

You pursed your lips nodding “alright” you said and got out of the car.

You decided to shed some light on the situation as you went in “Do you want to watch some Netflix, you can pick a show and I’ll make popcorn” You smiled and Ellie nodded, a slight smile on her lips as she kissed your cheek and made her way into her bedroom.

“That’s not the living room!” you joke but you hear no reply.

Once you finally finished the popcorn you walked into the living room to see no Ellie “Ellie c’mon housewives is on!” You yell out to your girlfriend who finally comes back in with black trousers on, she looks a bit blushed but you ignore it.

“hey” she smiled at you before sitting next to you “What were you doing in your room for so long?” you asked softly and she shrugged “Got distracted on my phone I guess” she shrugged and you nodded

Minutes later your fatigue started to take control of you as you rolled to the pillow next to you, Ellie watching with a smirk.

“I have a surprise for you” she whispered and you hummed “What is it?” you asked and she smiled up against your ear before kissing your neck gently “Here”.

You pushed away when she pressed her body against your back and you felt it. She must have put it on whilst she was in her room.

You just wanted to have a rest on the couch “Not tonight El” you told her, taking her hand and kissing it gently.

But Ellie didn’t seem to like that idea because she pressed harder against you “please I just want you so bad”

You shook your head “I’m not that into it tonight” You shrugged and tried to sit up but your girlfriend's arms pushed you back down before she hovered over you.

You panicked “What are you doing?”

“I want you,” she said and started kissing your neck as you tried to push her away but instead, she grabbed your hands and pulled them above you “Stop fighting it you wanted it last week”

“Get off me,” you told her, now using your legs but they were no use as she sat on your lap “Ellie stop-“

You were silenced as her palm hit your face “Shut up”

“I’m going to fuck you and you are going to like it”.

#woso #woso soccer #woso community #woso x reader #jill roord x reader #jill roord imagine #jill roord #manchester city #mancity

[nightgoodomens]

lizzie is irritating meeee like sure share what your other kids are doing i guess if you want but resharing something your grown child is doing and just captioning it ‘sure’ like Bestie we do not Need or Want your commentary or judgement on everything!!!!! I’m sure your son doesn’t want it either!! Just wants to make everything about herselfffffff agh i woke up irritated this morning

I just want to give her a hobby. A job. Something to make her focus on, that’s not her family. She wants to be insta mum but none of her family wants to be insta family who provides her free content so she can laugh at them (so now she searches somewhere else). She wants to be a content creator but … she wants others to create the content for her, so all she has to do is film it or repost it and then talk shite about it. If you can’t even fulfil the insta job on your own, create anything interesting about *yourself* or something that interest you, have a personality that makes people want to watch you - then what’s left? Only being mean on insta about others when you don’t get your own way, like a brat?

She should go back to her roots and just create a new hater account and reshare other peoples posts with mean comments. It seems to be generally her favourite thing. Or, actually, just keep the one she has, it already turned into that.

She doesn’t seem in the best mood since yesterday; no-words wordle and a telling song, MS back in London already (snort especially after her ‘back to normal’ after Nye ended), now just… whatever that post with Ty is (cut off DT content, so latches onto Ty?)

I wonder if also PR told her she needs to get her shit together after that podcast and she’s all 😡

However. This is a second time she chose a pic without DT from a group of pics which is delightfully funny. Because it goes with my “she has David content allowance per week” theory.

#NightGoodOmens talks PR #ALSO #is AL forbidden from promoting the relationship now too? #just stage pic?

[lemoncrushh]

That Sunday, That Summer

Summary: Kelly's roommate Bianca talks her into participating in a celebrity charity scavenger hunt that Harry Styles surprisingly attends.

Warnings: None! This is pure fluff!

Word Count: 6.1k+

A/N: Inspired by the Nat King Cole song. Harry x OC, written in first person. Originally posted in 2020 (I was not writing reader fics then).

If I had to choose just one day...

I hadn't planned on going. Sundays were usually reserved for me time. And this particular week had been grueling; I needed the day to chill and unwind. Besides, the new novel I'd decided to pick up on my way home on Tuesday was calling my name.

But Bianca had insisted I join her.

"It's for a good cause," she whined that Saturday evening after dinner as I loaded the dishwasher. "You'd be helping people, and isn't that what you're all about?"

I chewed on the inner side of my cheek. My roommate knew my weaknesses and soft spots.

"I hear a few celebrities are even joining in," Bianca added, wiggling her eyebrows.

I chuckled. "Celebrities are interested in spending their Sunday going on a scavenger hunt?"

"If it's for charity, yeah. Besides, we have an odd number of people who've signed up. If the teams aren't even, it won't be fair!"

Turning to look at her, I put my hand on my hip. "And what if I show up and so does someone else, and it's still uneven?"

Bianca rolled her eyes and groaned. "Pleeease Kel! You'd be doing me a huge favor if you go!"

"Why's that exactly?" I questioned.

"Because...I sort of already signed you up."

So that Sunday morning in early June, I reluctantly got out of bed way before the time I normally would, and by nine a.m., I was standing in an empty parking lot next to Bianca as we waited for instructions. The sun was still behind a cluster of clouds, allowing for a mild morning, but I knew within a couple hours I would be sweating through my t-shirt.

"So...when do we get this show on the road?" I asked Bianca impatiently.

"I think we're still waiting...on some people..." she muttered, looking around at the group that had gathered before gesturing toward the tall woman wearing a headset and holding a tablet. "Then Marla will divide us into teams."

"Great," I sighed.

"C'mon girl, it's gonna be fun," Bianca smiled, looping her arm through mine.

Holding back a yawn, I watched as Marla turned suddenly, and a string of people exited the building behind her.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, recognizing the familiar faces.

"I told you!" Bianca giggled, squeezing my arm.

"Yeah but...I didn't think..."

It wasn't completely unheard of to come across a celebrity now and then. Not in Los Angeles. I'd seen a few since moving there. But they'd usually been out of reach, just a glimpse for a millisecond before I had time to digest who it was, and they were out of sight.

I caught the blush in Marla's cheeks as she turned toward the crowd again, and the line of famous faces took their places on either side of her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming!" she announced into her microphone. "For this very special event, for a worthy cause, we've had the overwhelming pleasure of recruiting these six very kind, and very generous people to join us. Please give a warm welcome to..."

My mind was in a fog. I heard Marla announce the names, each celebrity nodding and waving, but it sounded far away, like at the end of a tunnel in some celestial world in a dream. This couldn't be real.

But yet, here they were. Right in front of me. Swallowing hard, I finally made my own connections in my brain as to whom they were: a mix of actors, musicians and other personalities. But it was the man who stood on the far right that I was most in awe over. Dimples displayed on his cheeks as he smiled, dark stubble adorning his handsome face, curls all a mess around his head resembling a disheveled halo, he looked like an angel.

"Can you believe Harry fucking Styles is here?" I suddenly heard Bianca squeal in my ear, like the pop of a balloon.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I exhaled through my teeth.

"I actually didn't know for sure. There were rumors, but I didn't wanna get my hopes up."

The two of us listened to Marla as she explained how the game was played, and what the ultimate goal was. Though it was a competition, we had to remember it was for charity, and to have fun.

"We will now divide into six teams," she said before addressing the celebrities again. "If the team captains wouldn't mind calling out the names on your lists."

The first actor took the mic, calling out his team. Neither Bianca nor I were called. I felt her arm slip from mine as she took my hand instead, threading our fingers. Three more celebrities created their teams, leaving just two, with Bianca and I yet to have made a team.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," I muttered, trying to take in a deep breath.

"I feel ya girl," whispered Bianca. "But hey, even if we don't get Harry, it's okay, right?"

"Of course," I chuckled, though it was a feeble attempt.

When the woman standing next to Harry read off her list of names, and Bianca and I were not on it, I felt like I could pass out.

"Please tell me you had something to do with this, B!"

"I swear, I didn't!" she promised with wide eyes. "I helped with the scheduling and all, but I didn't have anything to do with the teams or the celebrities. I'm not that lucky."

"I guess that means the rest of you lot are mine," I heard Harry say with a giggle.

Bianca and I eyed each other, letting out giggles of our own. Calling out the final names, I heard Harry say ours, his sweet accent making mine sound better than I'd ever heard it spoken before.

In a momentary daze, I'd forgotten what to do next until I felt Bianca jabbing me in the side to get me to move. Following the other members of our team, we gathered near Harry as he began to greet everyone individually. Mentally shaking off some nerves, I psyched myself into believing he was just another person, like anyone else.

"Hi, I'm Kelly," I said when it was my turn, holding out my hand.

"Hello Kelly, I'm Harry."

I shouldn't have looked at his face then, because his eyes were blinding. Like magnets, they seemed to pull me in until I felt as though I was melting down a precipice of oozing syrup and honey. Nope, definitely not like anyone else. Help.

Whether I'd muttered the word aloud or not, I'll never know, but Bianca came to my rescue as she introduced herself as my friend as well as a member of the charity organization. Releasing my hand, Harry smiled and shook hers, declaring he was happy to meet us all and have us on his team. After Marla made her final announcements, Harry turned to his group, cutting the tension by making a joke and causing us all to laugh.

"Let's have fun, alright?" he suggested, lifting the papers in his hand and handing them out. "Looks like there's some pretty easy things on this list, others not so much. But we'll do our best."

"I already have something on this list," announced another woman on our team, reaching into her purse. Producing a Dum Dum, she beamed. "Lollipop!"

"Good job, Trisha," grinned Harry. "Hold onto that, and we can check that off our list."

Trisha's face went red as she dropped the candy back into her bag and drew an X on her paper. I smiled to myself, knowing that not only was she proud of her finding, but that Harry had remembered her name so quickly.

"Now, shall we venture out?" Harry asked, turning for the sidewalk.

With unanimous nods, the five of us followed Harry, stopping at the corner.

"Are we supposed to stay as a group?" asked one of the men, whose name I'd learned was Donte.

"I don't think we have to," replied Bianca.

"No, that's up to you," Harry turned to face us. "We just don't wanna double up on anything. That would be a waste of time. So if you wanna split, we'd have to divide up the list."

"I think we should stay together," I piped up. "At least...for now."

"Me too," added Trisha.

"Alright," Harry grinned, our eyes locking again. "Let's see how it goes together for the first hour or so. Then if we need to split up, we will."

Nodding, I bit my lip. I could tell Donte was not happy with my decision, but we'd only just started. I didn't want to risk being separated from Harry already. This was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me.

As we walked, we all chatted a bit, though it wasn't that easy with six people. The sixth man who made up our group I finally learned was Trisha's fiance, Brian. He was pretty quiet, and I assumed he'd only tagged along for Trisha's sake.

"So it looks like the only rules are that we can't purchase anything," I heard Harry say from the front of the line. "If we find anything we can't take with us, we can take a picture of it."

"Oh good, 'cause look!" I exclaimed, pointing to a chalkboard sign that stood outside of a restaurant. "Ice cream!"

Harry and the rest of the team looked at the sign, noticing the big multi-colored chalk drawing of an ice cream cone. Then turning his head back to me, his green eyes sparking, he smiled, making me melt once again.

"Good one," Harry nodded. "Very clever."

"Thanks!" I beamed, standing up straight with pride.

"Mind taking a picture of that, Kelly?" he asked me.

"Oh, sure," I fumbled with my crossbody bag, digging inside for my phone as the sound of my name from his pillowy lips made me weak in the knees. Finally, retrieving my cell, I snapped a couple of pics from different angles for good measure. As I zipped up my bag again, lifting my head, I saw Harry marking off his list, the rest of the team walking ahead. Looking up at me, his lips stretched into another winning smile.

"Hey guys," I suddenly heard Bianca call. "There's a boutique here. We could probably get one of the shopping bags."

"Oh yeah," I muttered, grabbing my list. We needed three different shopping bags.

"Come with me," she ordered, a slight smirk on her face.

Bianca quickly took me by the hand and led me inside the store, leaving Harry and the others outside.

"Go girl!" she cheered in a loud whisper.

"What?"

"He's into you!"

I rolled my eyes incredulously. "Oh, give me a break."

"I'm serious! After you found the chalkboard, he couldn't stop looking at you. He was still checking you out when I turned around just now."

"He was not checking me out," I scoffed.

"Whatever girl, be in denial." Traipsing off to the register, Bianca asked the cashier for a shopping bag. I pretended to be interested in a display of scarves until she reached the door and gestured for me.

When we stepped outside, however, the crowd seemed to have multiplied. Glancing around in confusion, I quickly learned why. Harry had been spotted. Watching the handful of people getting their photos taken with him, the rest of us waited by the curb.

"Is this gonna happen all day?" inquired Donte.

"He's famous, dude, what do you expect?" said Brian, surprising us all. "It was only a matter of time."

"Yeah, but our time is limited. And if we have to keep stopping..."

Harry strode up to us then, his tall frame casting a shadow on the sidewalk. "Sorry about that. I was trying to hurry it along. Sometimes they get a bit chatty."

"No worries," I smiled.

"I have an idea," Bianca offered. "I say we go ahead and try to mark off all the things on the list that we know we have to do as a group. Like all the group photos and stuff. We can probably get the other two shopping bags as well. Then we can split into pairs."

"Pairs?" I whispered, earning me a wink from her.

"Sounds good to me," Trisha shrugged.

"Me too," Donte echoed.

"I say we head across the street," Bianca pointed. "We can probably get the rest of the shopping bags, and maybe someone can take our picture with someone in uniform."

Waiting for the light to change, I saw the sun come out from behind the clouds for the first time that morning. I sighed, half wishing it would have stayed cool and overcast, but as we crossed the street, I caught Harry putting on his sunglasses, and I changed my mind.

We found the other shopping bags quickly, and as luck would have it, I spotted a woman in Army fatigues coming out of a coffee shop. She was taken aback when we asked her for a photo until we explained what we were doing. With a hesitant smile (and a hug from Harry), she agreed, so we all lined up on either side of her and asked a passerby to take our group picture (who also got one with Harry).

Within the rest of the hour, we were able to find a fast food menu, a napkin from a restaurant, a sale flyer, a photo of someone getting into an Uber, and a picture of a capital V.

"Um...how are we supposed to take a picture of everyone in one bathroom stall?" Trisha asked timidly.

Harry's laugh rang out like a songbird, and had I not been watching where I was going, I might've run into a parking meter. Removing his sunglasses, Harry's green eyes sparkled like diamonds in the sunshine, and the corners crinkled as he chuckled with glee.

"I actually have an idea for that," he began, pointing further down the block. "There's a restaurant down that way that makes amazing tacos. I happen to know the owner, and I also happen to know the men's toilet is very clean and has two stalls. I suggest we break for lunch - my treat, of course - and take our selfie while we're there."

I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face, not just from his generosity and cleverness, but the adorable way he pronounced "tacos".

"Aw man, I know that place," said Donte. "And you're right, they got some bad ass tacos."

"Then what are we waiting for?" asked Bianca. "I'm starved!"

Making a beeline for the crosswalk, Bianca and Donte led the group, followed by Trisha and Brian, leaving Harry and me to bring up the rear.

"Having fun so far, Kelly?" Harry inquired as we walked side by side. His close proximity sent electricity to my skin, and I found myself rubbing my right arm, though I was far from cold.

"Very much," I nodded, once again trying to psych myself out. So what if he'd smiled at me? He smiles at everybody. And he's...got a great smile...for heaven's sake! "This is very nice of you."

"Oh, it's my pleasure. I was beginning to think Donte didn't like me very much."

With a giggle, I looked up at him, noticing he'd placed his shades on his head, serving as a headband for his curls.

"I was thinking he wasn't too fond of any of us, to be honest," I commented. "But he seems to have mellowed in the last hour."

"Oh, so you didn't know him already?"

I shook my head. "No. Only Bianca. She's my roommate."

"I see," remarked Harry. "I was under the impression she was with him."

"Who, Donte?" I laughed. "No, they'd never met either."

Tilting his head, Harry seemed to study the pair far ahead of us, then looked back at me. "They seem to be getting along pretty well now."

Watching my friend, I noticed the way she was chatting with Donte, laughing at something he'd said before touching his bicep. If I knew Bianca - and I was sure I did - that was a signature flirting move.

"Yes, they certainly do," I agreed.

Just then, I heard the faint sounds of sneakers pounding on the concrete before I turned to see two young girls running toward us, their chests heaving.

"Oh my God, it's him, it's really him!" one of them screamed.

"Harry, look out!" I warned, afraid they were going to come right at him and knock him over.

"It's alright, love," I heard him say softly before he turned around, his hands out like he was ready to catch someone if need be. "Slow down, please."

"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" the first poor girl choked, already in tears.

"It's really you!" breathed the other one.

"It's me," Harry chuckled low, his kindness turned up a notch. "Hello. How are you?"

"Great, we love you so much!"

"So much! Your album is the best!"

"Thank you, I love you too. Please catch your breath," said Harry. "I don't want anyone to pass out."

"Sorry!" the first girl squeaked, still trying to get her bearings.

"Don't apologize. What's your name?"

"Alicia."

"Chloe," added girl number two.

"Alicia and Chloe, it's lovely to meet you both," Harry said sincerely. "Now, I have something important I'm working on, and I have to get going. Did you want a picture?"

"Please!"

"Yes, please. If you don't mind." Chloe clutched her sparkly phone case in her hand as I stepped up to her.

"I'll take it for you," I offered, holding out my hand. "So you can both be in it."

"Oh, thank you so much!"

With a nod, I took her phone as the three lined up for the photo, Harry putting his arms around each of the girls. Snapping several shots in a row so Chloe had a few to choose from, I then zoomed in a bit and took a few more.

"Here you go," I smiled, giving Chloe her phone back.

"That's so nice of you, thank you!" she said again.

"Of course, no problem," I declared just as I looked down and spotted the girl's shoes. "Harry, look!"

"Ah, you've done it, again!" cheered Harry, nudging my arm.

Alicia and Chloe both looked at us perplexed as I asked, "Mind if I take a picture of your shoes? I'm playing a game, and I need something with a zebra print."

"Um...sure?" Chloe replied hesitantly.

After snapping the photo, we thanked the girls who then thanked Harry again before waving goodbye. Resuming our trek up the sidewalk, Harry spoke.

"That was very nice of you, by the way."

"Oh, it was nothing. Those girls are just like me. I'm a fan too."

"Of mine?" Harry raised a brow.

"Oh heck no, Bradley Cooper!" I chaffed, side-eyeing him to see his reaction before letting out a snicker.

Despite the shake of his head, Harry's dimples were on full display as he laughed at my jab.

"You're funny," he remarked.

I threw my head back, calling out to the sky. "Oh thank God, someone thinks I'm funny! I'm the only person who laughs at my jokes."

With another chuckle, Harry placed his hand on the small of my back. "C'mon, Funny Girl, let's go. The rest of the team is probably already at the restaurant."

While I didn't consider myself a comedian, or even particularly funny, the fact that I'd gotten Harry Styles to laugh was the highlight of my day - perhaps of my life. And though his hand slipped from my waist as quickly as he'd touched it, the tiny gesture was tender and left a feeling of warmth on my skin, even through my t-shirt.

When we reached the restaurant, Harry held the door for me, and just as suspected, the group was already gathered at a table, munching on chips and salsa.

"Where were you slow pokes?" Bianca asked with an unspoken accusation.

Rolling my eyes, I explained about the fans just as Harry arrived at the table with a plump latino man in an apron.

"This is Frederico," he announced in a semi-believable Spanish accent, patting the man on the back. "He makes the best tacos in all of California. And he says we're welcome to as many as we like."

Frederico laughed and nodded in agreement, handing out menus to the table.

"A friend of Harry's is a friend of mine," he declared, making us all cheer.

Our team of six devoured more than two dozen tacos while we shared good conversation. Everyone was glad to hear any story Harry had to share, but he was good at shifting the topic to someone else, wanting to learn more about each of us. Just within that half hour or so, I decided I liked him. Not that I hadn't liked him before. I was a fan after all, despite my joke earlier. But now I was getting to know him a little bit personally, and the vibes he gave off were very pleasant and right up my alley.

"So after this, we break off into pairs, right?" asked Donte.

I took notice of the look he gave Bianca. I almost smirked until Harry's voice answered his query.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. That is...if Kelly doesn't mind being my partner."

My eyes wide, I bit my lip as I felt Bianca kick me under the table. Facing Harry, I thought I might melt down my chair like the queso we'd been eating. Though his expression looked nonchalant, not even a twitch of a smile on his lips as he rested his chin in his hand, his eyes seemed to dance with joviality underneath the fluorescent lights.

"Um...sure," I said casually, reaching for my soda. "I don't mind."

I caught a glimpse of his left dimple, pushed back by the tiniest of smirks just before he lifted his glass to his lips. I wondered to myself how long I could possibly continue to stare at him if no one else was at the table. But alas, we were not alone, and I could already feel the blood rushing to my neck as Brian reminded us we still needed to take that group selfie.

Rising from the table, I dropped my paper napkin onto my plate as I watched everyone else walk single file to the restrooms. Suddenly recalling my phobia of confined spaces, I worried I might not be able to include myself in the group photo. Wringing my hands, I grasped at the extra stack of napkins, already feeling myself sweating.

"You coming, Kelly?" I heard a voice ask.

I knew it was Harry's, but I didn't look up at him just yet. Instead, I merely nodded as I dropped the wad of napkins onto the table, slowly making my way around it. Inhaling slowly, I blinked and exhaled in the same fashion.

"Hey. You alright, love?"

"Huh?" This time I lifted my head, Harry's calm face coming into view as I tried to focus. His arm was reaching out for me as I hoped to God the tacos I'd just eaten weren't planning an unfortunate encore.

"Yeah, I'm...fine," I gulped. "I'm just...oh God, how embarrassing..."

"What's wrong, Kelly, are you sick?"

Shaking my head, I wiped at my brow. "No. Just...claustrophobic."

"Shit. We probably shouldn't do this then."

"No, I'll be fine," I argued. "I can do it. For the team."

Harry chuckled as he rubbed my arm. "It's just a game, love. It's one photo. We don't have to take it."

"Come on, guys!" Donte called from the men's room, holding the door open. "The stall is huge! We can definitely all fit in here."

Though Donte's affirmation was reassuring, it was Harry's hand that caressed my forearm from my elbow to my wrist that had the most calming effect. Taking another deep breath as I watched his ringed fingers travel up and down my skin, I nodded.

"Yes, we do have to do this," I told Harry. "I can't let down my team."

Beaming at me like a child at Christmas, Harry pulled me close, squeezing my body against his in a one-armed hug as he placed a sweet kiss on the top of my head.

"Such a trooper, you are," he murmured. "I've got you if anything happens. Stand in front of me, okay?"

Releasing myself from his hold, I gazed up at him and nodded with a smile. Then following Donte into the bathroom, I giggled when I saw the rest of the group already inside the stall. Taking a gander at its size, I felt dumb or ever being nervous. Still, I did as Harry had said, and stood in front of him, facing the stall door. Then because he was the tallest, only by an inch maybe, Brian was the one who lifted his phone and snapped the selfie, all of us looking up and giving our cheesiest grins.

Nobody needed to know, not even Bianca, though she was my friend, and it was probably undetectable in the photo anyway, but Harry had looped his arm around my waist right before Brian snapped the picture. He'd held it there as he'd lifted his other hand to make a peace sign, and continued to keep it there long after he'd dropped that other hand to push my hair from my neck to whisper in my ear, his breath tickling my flesh and sending my heart into orbit.

"You okay?" he asked, his lips practically kissing the back of my ear.

"Yeah," I whispered back.

Oh, yeah. I was more than okay.

"You mentioned you work at a law firm?" Harry inquired after we'd split into pairs and divided up the remainder of the list.

We were walking in a more residential area, and I was hopeful we might be able to find a few domestic items as well as plants or flowers.

"Yeah," I replied, "I'm a paralegal at a medical malpractice firm."

"And you enjoy it?"

I shrugged. "Can't complain. I never really set out to do it or anything, like it wasn't my life's goal. But I started as a receptionist and eventually took some courses and...it's a good job."

"How long have you been there?"

"Seven years." Stopping in my tracks, I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear as I gazed straight ahead. "Jeez, has it been that long?"

Harry chuckled, as I shrugged.

"Anyway," I continued, my feet taking me ahead as well, "like I said, it's a good job. I like the idea of helping people, so it's much better than say, working for a criminal lawyer or something. I'm not sure I could do it knowing the defendant is guilty of a crime."

"But if they weren't, you'd still be helping them," Harry commented.

"I suppose so," I tilted my head. "Some of these families though...they lost loved ones; they're grieving. We're able to give them just a little bit of peace...and that makes me happy."

"You're a good soul, Kelly."

Looking up at him, I smiled. "Thanks. So are you. That's why we're here, right? Or at least you are. I'll admit, Bianca dragged me here. But she knows my weakness."

"Scavenger hunts?" Harry snorted.

"No, silly," I cackled, unable to stop myself from lightly slapping his arm. He didn't seem to mind as his infectious smile remained on his gorgeous face. "Helping people."

"Ohhh, right," he giggled, lifting his finger to scratch his nose. That was when I noticed the adorable way the tip of his nose wiggled when he tried to talk through his laugh. I found myself itching with the desire to kiss it.

"And here I thought maybe you were here because of me," he remarked.

"You? I didn't even know you were coming," I confessed. "That was just...a pleasant surprise."

I caught a miniscule of a blush on his cheeks before he looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, I mean...I'm no Bradley Cooper, but..."

Throwing my head back, I laughed heartily. "Oh my God, you're a dork!"

"Heyyyy."

Before I could rebuttal, something caught my eye to the left, so I wandered to a nearby gate where it looked as though the home owners had a garden. When I stepped closer, I saw them, my breath catching.

"Look, Harry!"

I felt his body standing behind mine as his hands wound around the iron bars of the gate. We stared in silence for a few moments, watching the bed of daffodils sway in the breeze.

"Wow, you're good," I finally heard him say.

"Thanks. They're my favorite..." I turned to face him, suddenly realizing how close he was, "...flower."

I could barely see the irises of his green eyes as he looked down at me, his focus on my mouth. I knew it was, because mine was on his. His body was pressed to the front of mine, my back against the gate. If I'd even dared to move, I wouldn't have been able to. His fists remained on either side of me, holding onto the gate as he seemed to lean closer, or perhaps it was wishful thinking. I wondered if he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to, and yet a voice seemed to sing inside my head, telling me to go on and kiss him. Suddenly, his eyelids blinked and his gaze traveled up my face to look me in the eye.

"Um..." he swallowed, "let's...take a picture...of the flowers, I mean."

Releasing his grip on the bars, he stepped back from me. I'd never felt such a cold chill as I cleared my throat and reached for my phone in my bag.

Harry and I continued on our quest after I took the photo, and though we still made small talk, it felt awkward. Or maybe it was just me.

After taking a photo of a lovely lavender wreath on someone's door, I decided to say something that had been on my mind since before the daffodils.

"Harry," I said, in front of the neighbor's hedgerow.

"Yes?" Turning to look at me, he noticed I had stopped. Then walking closer, his mouth turned down with a look of concern on his face. "Something wrong?"

"I just want you to know," I declared sincerely, "that I think you're way better than Bradley Cooper."

His beautiful eyes squinted a mere second before the gorgeous smile grew on his lips. His laugh was delicate, a mix of a chuckle and a giggle, more like a titter...a teehee? A sniggle? Is that even a word? Whatever it was, I adored it, and I was glad I'd caused it.

I dared to step closer to him just as he held a hand out and grabbed mine, pulling me to him.

"You're great, you know that?" he said to me, not really waiting for a response, though I gave one anyway.

"I am?"

With a nod, he brushed my cheek with the back of his hand before tucking my hair behind my ear.

"I'm really glad you came, Kelly," he conceded.

"Me too." And there went the melting all over again, the oozing of his words like maple syrup running down to my toes.

Harry held my hand for the rest of the afternoon, at least until we got back on a main road, where no doubt he could be spotted again. We'd managed to check off several more things from our list, leaving only a couple before calling it a day.

Meeting the rest of the team again at the restaurant, we headed back to the parking lot with our complete list. Donte and Bianca had had a lucky streak, finding all of their items. Brian and Trisha had only missed one.

Trudging as a team to our final destination, I felt fatigued, much like I did after leaving a concert at the end of the evening. I felt a bit melancholy for the ending, but still exhilarated from the experience. And my declaration to Harry hadn't been a lie. I was definitely glad I'd come. Just sad that it was over.

Even more sad that I might not ever see him again.

Turning our lists into Marla, she smiled and thanked us all for coming. Unfortunately, another team had won, managing to check off every single item and leaving an hour earlier. Though a bit of a disappointment, we knew what really mattered.

"Kelly," I heard in a raspy voice behind me as Bianca and I said goodbye to Trish and Brian, wishing them luck on their wedding.

Harry's eyes seemed to glow in the twilight as I turned to face him. Wordlessly, he took my hand, pulling me to the side and around a dimming streetlamp. I had a feeling he wanted to say our goodbyes in private.

"Harry, I had the best time with you today," I blurted first.

"I was gonna say that," he pouted.

"Sorry. I just..."

"Just what?" he asked, holding both of my hands.

"I just didn't wanna hear a but afterwards," I admitted.

"Who says there's a but?"

I stared at him, still waiting for the word, but it never came. I searched his eyes, as much as I could manage in the darkness. But all I saw was sincerity, like he was thinking the same thing I was. Lifting his right hand, he grazed my cheek just like he had before.

Go on, kiss him...go on and kiss him...

The seconds seemed to simultaneously freeze and speed up as I watched him lean closer, his other hand slipping under my jaw. His skin was warm against mine, the cool of his rings adding a tiny chill, enough to make me hum as I closed my eyes, just before our lips met.

Even though just moments ago various things had been going through my mind such as how my t-shirt and shorts were clinging to me and I needed a shower, or how I wondered how much money the charity had raised, or how I wondered if Bianca really was into Donte...none of that was remotely relevant as Harry's pillowy lips caressed mine, fitting with them like perfect puzzle pieces. Nothing else mattered as his hand slipped behind my neck and his fingers tangled in my hair while his mouth opened slightly to invite my tongue. And no other single notion in the world could have even compared to the way his chest rose and fell beneath my hand while my other one found the curls at the base of his neck as he groaned hungrily against my kiss.

"Mmm," I sounded when our mouths threatened to separate, still teasing the other.

"Kelly..." Harry breathed against my lips.

"Yes?"

Standing straight, he looked into my eyes. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

I blinked rapidly, knowing I'd heard him right, but still incredulous. "Like...a date?"

"Yeah," he nodded, his voice an octave lower. "I really like you and...I'd like to see you again. Spend more time with you, get to know you. Would you like that?"

"More than anything in the world."

The smile I knew to be his but that had come to be just for me that day tickled his lips.

"How's...Friday? Or wait, Saturday..." Harry reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. "I'm so sorry, love, this is so formal. But I have to check my schedule."

"No worries," I giggled.

"Ah, seems I have Friday and Saturday free. Which is better for you?"

"Friday," I answered hastily. "It's sooner."

His handsome face beamed at me as he clipped my chin with his finger and placed another quick kiss on my lips. "It is indeed."

We exchanged numbers, agreeing to text later to work out the details. I giggled when I noticed he put a taco emoji next to my name in his contacts.

"I look forward to it," he grinned before giving me one last kiss, this one soft, slow and sweet. "Goodnight, Kelly. I had a wonderful day."

"Me too. Goodnight, Harry."

I watched him walk toward the building where Marla still stood, stopping once to turn and wave. I blew him a kiss, perhaps a bit cheesy, but I didn't care. I figured he was into cheese. He gave me his dimpled smile before blowing one back, then disappeared inside the office building.

"Well, look at you, Miss I-Didn't-Wanna-Come!"

I scoffed playfully at my roommate as she walked towards me.

"It's amazing what one little Sunday can do, huh?" Bianca added.

Looping my arm through hers, I walked with her to her car.

"Thanks for signing me up, B," I said with a bounce in my step, despite my fatigue. "It wasn't so bad after all."

Darling, it would be when you smiled at me...that way...that Sunday, that summer...

Hope you enjoyed! Please like, comment, reblog or send me a msg!

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[artyandink]

tête-à-tête | cj braxton

Summary: Not everyone at ESU got the gift of maturity. So when you hear a couple of comments about your appearance and weight in a conversation between some girls, you can’t help but think that you need to make yourself worthy of CJ. However, your knight in shining armour is always ready to rescue you from that deep end.

TW: Immature and jealous girls, body sensitivity, body image issues, starving oneself, implied smut, making out, smut (my first smut fic, don’t kill me please)

SMUT TW: Kissing (duh), touching, fingering, protected sex (wrap it before you tap it), body worship (I think), oral (f. receiving), thigh riding, riding, CJ is one whipped man

A/N - This is part two to ‘i like me better’ (it could work as a stand-alone but I strongly advise you read the first) and the second one shot of the Day Old Frosties Club (it’s the universe for these two and you’ll know why soon)

A/N 2 - Second entry for the Jensen-A-Thon! And wth, this is the LONGEST THING I’VE WRITTEN??! Lmk if you want a word count!

Song inspo: Lover - Taylor Swift and Golden Hour - JVKE

You groaned, the back of your hand reaching up to rub the sleepiness out of your eyes from the wear and warmth that came from last night.

Mm, last night.

CJ’s lips trailing down your body, open mouthed, sweet yet hot on your needy skin. Eliciting whines from your mouth with each skilled brush of his fingers. His groans in your ear and his breathless, wanting voice telling you how good you were, how beautiful you looked, how perfect you were for him. The way he kissed your nose and gazed at you with those gorgeous green eyes as if you were God’s gift to the Earth in that dimly lit room complete with a view of the New York skyline. The setting sun casting a red spotlight over the both of you to the soundtrack of your soft sighs, his low groans and the headboard banging against the wall at a steady rhythm.

Aka - your personal heaven.

You didn’t know why it took you so long to figure out that the man who was joined to you literally since birth was the love of your life.

You weren’t kidding. Your moms managed to time their pregnancies at the same time, and by some miracle went into labour on the same day and had birth in the same hospital an hour apart.

CJ was older. Regrettably, but it was understandable. He was the more mature of you both.

Anyway, back to the narrative.

You saw him sleeping beside you, the effortlessly handsome man who was in his boxers from your cleaning up last night (practice the horizontal tango correctly, everyone- during, before and after), arm around your waist and holding you snuggly to his side, his face scrunched up and pouty, plump lips parted. Anyone uneducated in the world of CJ Braxton wouldn’t know what was really going on.

You read the textbook back to front. He was awake, and you’d prove it.

You leaned forward, kissing those relaxed lips, and the second you let your fingers card through his floppy hair and find a home there, you felt him hum against your mouth, hand on your waist bringing you closer so he could slide his hand over your panties to grip your knee gently and hook your leg over his hip. Bad breath be damned, you could still taste yourself on his tongue from the previous night and it sent shivers down your spine to know that you were the one that he was with almost every night (often he felt like being on the bottom, which you weren’t opposed to in the slightest), mouthing at your neck, chest, stomach and everywhere else he could get to.

You still couldn’t get used to the idea.

The softly-lit bedroom (which you both now slept in together) was warmed with the sound of your lips moving lazily together, your hands rustling the sheets and the duvet up as you pulled each other impossibly closer and sweet sighs like honey, gripping of thighs and the fluttering of eyelashes. All mixed into a delicious routine cocktail.

You hummed against CJ’s lips, attempting to pull away, but he chased your lips with a small ‘no’ and fought back to quash any rebellion. It was clear how eager he was to reenact the previous night, but you managed to breathe air through your mouth again, your eyes scanning his pouty, grumpy face with an exhilarated, knowing grin. “How did I know, hm?”

“In my defence,” He raised a finger with the most endearing smile, “you look beautiful when you’re sleeping.”

“You think I look beautiful all the time.” You giggled as you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, pulling your shirt over your head and proceeding to try and tame the rat’s nest that was an excuse for hair with only your fingers. A battle hard lost.

CJ, however, rubbed his eye with the back of his wrist, scanning you over from head to toe. Bed head, flushed cheeks from the morning, lips slightly swollen from the wake up call, only wearing a grey sweatshirt and cotton panties. Yep. Stunning. “Yeah. That I do.”

You nodded, humming as you leaned forward, letting your lips linger on his in a chaste kiss which, when you pulled away, had his eyes still closed as he tried to register how in the hell did he score his best friend. Not that you were an object, he just…

… adored you.

He reached out, entwining his pinky finger with yours and bringing them up to his lips, kissing them before he also swung his legs and got out of bed, standing in the glory of the light streaming through of the window in purely his boxers. You took a look at him and smirked, cocking an eyebrow at the heavenly view you got to have in the moment. Your view. The thought was unbelievable, wasn’t it? “Ooh, lá lá.”

“Shut up.” He snorted, and smiled affectionately when he saw you close the blinds to that very window, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Good idea.”

“I know.” You giggled, kissing his cheek as you yanked your sweatpants on. The very same ones he had first kissed you in, making out like you had a million times before in one of Uncle Bill’s spare bedrooms.

Damn, that memory was still paradise.

“So, sweet girl, what are you thinking for breakfast?” CJ hummed, drawing you closer and wrapping his arms around you, pressing kisses to your hairline, tracing it while smoothing back the soft strands of your hair. He’d been doing things like these a lot more often now that you two were dating, probably his way of solidifying that you two aren’t just childhood best friends who kiss and hug each other far too much for it to be platonic, but also because having you in his arms and under his lips (every meaning intended) just felt right.

You pouted in mock thought, drawing his eyes momentarily to your lips. “Day old Frosties?” The grin you gave had him chuckling as well as he moved to the mirror so he could run a thin-toothed comb through his hair.

“Day old Frosties.” He repeated slowly, shaking his head slightly as he added a quip, glancing at your form retreating to the bathroom. “Classy.”

The smartass remark had you raising an eyebrow as you put toothpaste on your wet toothbrush and started diligently scrubbing at your teeth. Well, not hard scrubbing. Just the right amount. “I will stand by day old Frosties until the day that I die.”

“I still don’t get what’s so good about them, that’s all I’m saying.”

“They’re like, the perfect cereal if you have no milk.” Your words were jumbled and muffled by the hanging toothbrush in your mouth, but CJ picked up every word. “Like, they’re not too stale, not too crispy fresh cause you picked them up, like, that day. Just one day old. Not two, not three, one.” You bent over to quickly spit the contents of your mouth in the sink. “Perfection.”

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it.” CJ rolled his eyes, regretting his choice already, but to see the squeal and giggle of excitement paired with your smile made it worth every bit of damage to his taste buds. “Let me take a hot one, then I’ll be out with you, ok?”

You whipped off your shirt, a cheeky grin plastered on your flushed cheeks and framed by your dimples. You quickly grabbed your towel, stepping back towards the shower. “Not alone, you’re not.”

CJ shrugged, looking after you with a dazed smile and a rising blush, licking his lips to savour your morning taste. “Yeah, I can get behind that.”

After a long shower, which consisted of a soap suds war, giggles, little kisses and your inability to not cuddle all the damn time, both you and CJ made it out and into the kitchen, padding in with your matching fuzzy socks, you clad in one of CJ’s hoodies, and he was wearing a different one as he’d sacrificed his favourite for you. You went to take out the bowls, and CJ your favourite stash of day old cereal that he slid across the island.

He loved this island. He made out with you on it, very soon after you two got together. He even, well, got to his knees. If you know, you know.

“Alright, let’s see the hype on day old Frosties.” You shot him a look due to his sarcastic drawl, but as you poured the bowl of Frosties and passed him it along with the spoon, the first bite actually had his taste buds happy. Not too stale, not too crispy fresh…

Holy moly, you were right.

“Alright, I take everything back.” He shovelled another spoonful into his mouth, practically moaning at the taste as he turned to you with an incredulously impressed expression. “I take it all back- how the hell is this good?”

“See?” You pumped your eyebrows, starting to scoff down your own and eventually making your cheeks puff out like a chipmunk as you chewed. “Day old Frosties. Number one cereal.”

“Damn. Damn.” CJ chuckled, shaking his head. “I might have to join the Day Old Frosties Club. You’re incredible, you know that?”

“You flatter me.” You grinned, words muffled by the onslaught of cereal in your mouth.

CJ leaned over, pressing a kiss to your chin. “Well, I take pride in the ability to make my girlfriend blush.”

“Course you do.” You snorted, setting the coffee machine to make and studying him for a moment with a small smile on your face. Green eyes, floppy hair, pink lips relaxed in a sweet smile that you couldn’t believe was reserved for you.

Six feet, one inch of pure, maddening perfection.

Of course, it could just be you being biased since you’d been best friends with him since you were born and dating for a few months now. It was always so easy, since he knew you to the last inch (literally) and you knew him to the last inch (also very literally). But you couldn’t help but feel that now, when Jen was no longer a problem and neither was his sobriety, smooth sailing was perfect for the both of you.

“What?” He bore a slightly confused an expectant smile, until you leaned forward and kissed him softly. He puckered up, his eyebrows raising and his expression staying like that a few moments after you pulled away, that is until his eyelashes fluttered and his emerald eyes glinted in the light again, shining with his love for you. “And what was that for?”

“Just cause.” You shrugged, tilting your head with that adoring look that never failed to make his whole body do the tingly thing that he so very much loved to feel.

“Just cause needs to happen more.” He muttered, pinching your chin lovingly. “Now, we’ve gotta finish this cereal fast before we’re late for our morning’s lecture, as much as I’m not a big fan of Professor Kelsey and his endless tangents of his dog’s habits. Which has nothing to do with Sigmund Freud’s discovery of psychoanalysis.”

You pouted in frustration, the action cute to CJ as you moped over the thought of hearing more about your lecturer, James Kelsey, and his adventures with his cocker spaniel and how it liked to chew food then throw it up. “Do we have to?”

“I’m no happier about it than you are, but…” He gestured to you with a grin, “humour me, here. S’not like we have to go climb the Empire State Building, and I know that, and I quote-”

“- heights is where I draw a line that is goddamn higher than the Burj Khalifa.” You two said in unison, your hand reaching out to swat CJ’s shoulder as he chuckled, proud of his exact quotation.

“See?” He took the hand that hit him and brushed his lips over every knuckle, tilting his head and letting his thumb rub circles over the back of it. “I know you. And I know you hate Professor Kelsey, so we can just copy what he wrote down on the board, while listening to Radiohead on our earphones. That’s my starting bid.”

“I bid copy what he wrote down on the board, listen to Radiohead on our earphones, and go for a cheese melt and tomato toastie after.” You two had a favourite sandwich place which had the best cheese pulls you’d ever seen. And the best tasting sandwiches, of course. It totally was wasn’t about the way the strings of traumatised milk cling to each side of the bread in cheddary heaven. Totally not.

“Can I throw a trip to Haute Couture Shakes in as well?” CJ grinned, biting his bottom lip as he did so. You were incredibly tempted, since Haute Couture Shakes was a milkshake and smoothie shop that had quickly become a tradition for you and CJ to go to whenever you fancied. You both visited so often that the people working the shifts knew you two by first name terms, lighting up whenever they saw your smiling faces. “I’ve heard they have a Sour Patch Kid themed milkshake that’s so sour, if you finish it all, they give you five free milkshake coupons, throw in their teddy bear mascot plushie.”

“I’m listening.”

“Thought we could both tackle that, save our wallets some pain.” He shrugged, casually putting across a very tempting idea. “Nothing big.”

“You have a deal.” You grinned, and then he mirrored it, leaning forward so his nose bumped against yours, taking a second before it slotted perfectly, like it was meant to.

His eyes flickered down to your lips, his hair tickling your forehead as his thumb and index finger took your chin. “People say that… deals are sealed with a kiss.”

You giggled. “Nobody says that, Cee.”

That made him smirk slightly in embarrassment. “Well, they will. Maybe in two or three years time, in some random TV show on some streaming service. For now, c’mere.” He guided your lips to his, letting the taste of your toothpaste, your cherry chapstick and the Frosties flood his tongue for far too short a time before he pulled back with a small smile. “Going once, going twice, gone.”

You’d told CJ to go in the lecture without you because you needed to go to the bathroom, and when you were in a stall, about to come out, you heard the smacking of lips from putting on gloss and scoffs from who you recognised as Sarah, Louise and Maya from your Psych class. They were the type to be gorgeous but you’d have no idea how they got where they did.

“I don’t know what CJ sees in her.” You heard Sarah sniff as there was the familiar click of a powder foundation tub opening. “He’s CJ, and she’s just… ugh.” There was a hum of agreement from the other girls, and you just knew they were rolling their eyes.

“You’re way better for him, Sarah, girl.” Louise cooed, and you swallowed, doubts threatening to enter, but you valiantly fought them off. You were CJ’s best friend since childhood and now girlfriend, there’s no way- “I swear, she looks like she’s scoffing down fifty pies and pizzas each a day.”

You… what?

Your eyes drifted down to your body, to where you were donning CJ’s hoodie, which was oversized on you. Sure, it could make it seem that you’ve got more meat on your bones than average, but you loved dressing up in his clothes, because you got to have his scent on you all the time. And he loved seeing you in them, because it reminded him that he’d managed to grow a pair and finally let you know how he felt. Just his luck that you felt the same way.

“And the way she clings to his arm like he’s God’s gift to women?” Maya added with a small, undignified snort. “I mean, he is, but you don’t have to sew yourself to him.”

Sarah cackled in agreement. “Seems so desperate, doesn’t she?”

“It’s actually pathetic.”

“I bet he’d leave her the moment he sees that you’re worth a million times more.” Maya purred in the middle of her mascara application. “Like, come on, it has to be charity. He’s cute and handsome, and she’s practically a hermit.”

“Maya!” Sarah chastised, and for a moment you felt hopeful. As if you weren’t being ripped apart even though you weren’t even meant to be there. “You’ve got it wrong. I don’t think she’s worth anything.”

Yeah, who were you kidding?

They strutted out soon after, and you got the go sign to step out, wash your shaky hands and head inside the lecture. CJ’s face brightened when he looked at you, the sparkle in those mossy eyes exorcising all thoughts of you not being good enough for him. It was like he had a special superpower.

“I saved you a seat.” He grinned. There was no one in the row.

“Not that hard to do, Cee.” You giggled, but he pouted cutely, crossing his arms like a grumpy toddler.

“C’mon, do you have to be a downer on the party?” He snickered. “Just give me this one, appreciate the sentiment and then we can apply cold, hard common sense.”

“I appreciate the sentiment.” You echoed with a kiss to his hair, which made his cheeks flush.

“Ok, good. Now c’mere.”

You sat down next to him at the back of the lecture theatre, where he offered you the other earphone, and you were hit with the glory of Radiohead coming from the small speaker inside once you’d slotted it in your ear. Your book was already opened, courtesy of the gentleman, the margins scrawled with multiple doodles of yours and blank spaces blessed with Hangman, one page sporting an outline of two hands, one smaller than the other when you and CJ had compared hand sizes. His was bigger. Obviously.

You would’ve still been thinking somewhat of the comments until he pressed a kiss to your hair, drew you in by the waist and plopped your hand in his hair while nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. You being you, there wasn’t any chance of resisting, so you got to hair playing. He yawned, eyelashes fluttering, and it took you back. To the days where, well, you’d pine for your childhood best friend. When all you wanted was for him to get better, and he did. You didn’t know you’d ever find yourself in this position, where you didn’t know really how to feel about what you’d overheard.

You pushed it away for now, unaware of Sarah’s glowering from across the room. Right now, your sweet boy’s head was on your shoulder, and that’s all you’d feel. And you’d savour it.

The class was filled with little giggles, shared joked and kisses and whatever little ways you and CJ could mess with each other while you took notes, to the soundtrack of ‘You and Whose Army?’, ‘Paranoid Android’ and many more. When you got out, CJ stayed behind to ask Professor Kelsey some questions while you waited outside the lecture theatre, where you saw Sarah, Louise and Maya, all giving you a side eye that reeked of rotten eggs, chewing on their gum and making you feel like you were in a frickin’ off brand Disney Channel TV show where you stole the ‘popular girl’s man’ when he wasn’t even her boyfriend in the first place.

Even so, when CJ came out with a happy smile, you stood up on your tiptoes, cupped his cheek and kissed him, going flat-footed when he leaned down to make it more comfortable for you- damn him for being a giraffe, one hand entwining with yours and the other holding your waist over his hoodie, bunching up the fabric in his fist. He’d be happy to continue that little session until the end of time, but you two had an itinerary of some sorts. He pulled back, taking your hand on his cheek and kissing the inside of your wrist with a hum. “You’re gonna get it later, you know that?”

“I do.” You giggled cheekily, forgetting that those idiots were even watching, your eyelashes fluttering as CJ pecked your nose and offered his arm.

“Shall we, pretty girl?” You happily linked your arm with his, your hands meeting and instantly entwining fingers.

“We shall, sweet boy.” Your lips landed on his cheek, just the lightest of kisses, but it made him flush like it was your first and grin goofily, shivering a little at the way his heart was palpitating and his stomach doing an Olympic gold gymnastics routine. Just like it happened, but more intense, when he was twelve and discovering what love was when you were nerding over Jane Austen.

Yeah, you could still do that. Every damn time he looked at your gorgeous face, and he’ll be damned if he stopped feeling it.

You and CJ strolled into Haute Couture Shakes, the red-headed, red-lipped lady at the counter wearing a snowy white and teal apron breaking out into a grin as she happily let the other workers know you two had arrived. “Hey, you two! Been waiting for the moment you show up.” The place was known for having the most unique milkshake and smoothie flavours ever, that you couldn’t find in any other shake shop in New York. Hence the Sour Patch Kids milkshake.

Some examples were the Bubble Frutti, where they’d combined bubblegum with Tutti Frutti; the Cookies and Dirty Cream (you and CJ drank that on wild nights cause it had vodka in it, and it was safe since CJ didn’t get buzzed and neither did you) and Mount Olympus, which had Skittles (apparently the ambrosia of our earth) as a main ingredient and almost every other candy mixed in small quantities and therefore making it the most heavenly, cavity-inducing drink in New York City.

“Hey, Bella.” You giggled as you reached the counter with CJ, his hand slapping yours down, which was carrying your wallet. He took out his, giving you a look which said ‘let me’. “Uh, we’ll try Death by Sour Patch today.”

“You’re gunning for those free shakes too, huh?” She joked, putting it on the bill. “And I’ll put in those chocolate-cinnamon sprinkled donuts you two like, on the house.”

“We wouldn’t want you to jeopardise your job for us, Bels, we can go without some doughnuts.” CJ scoffed lightly, then leaned in, speaking in a low voice. “But if you can add in a bag of flying saucers, we have a deal.”

The comment made Bella laugh, shaking my head as she got that up too. “You’re lucky I’m a sucker for your girlfriend. Lookin’ gorgeous, by the way, hon.” She shot you a quick wink and a wiggle of her manicured and teal-painted fingers, and your heart soared at the compliment. You were just dressed in CJ’s hoodie, some knee-highs and sneakers, but Bella had a way of always lifting your spirits. She was always a true girl’s girl.

“Don’t go stealing her from me, I did hard work to get this far.” He joked back as he put his card in the reader, quickly typing in his pin. He kissed your head briefly, nuzzling his nose into your hair.

“Aw, look at you!” Bella giggled, not a hint of malice in her tone as she gestured between the two of you. “I have a true love-dar, and if I’d seen you two lovelies and you hadn’t been together? I’d have done everything in my damn power to make sure that it would happen.” When CJ looked away to scan the surroundings - the teal and white wallpaper with teal fairy lights, matching tables and posters and all sorts of activities to do around the place - Bella mouthed ‘we need to talk’ very obviously at you.

When Bella needed to talk? She needed to talk.

So you turned to CJ, trying not to let the confusion seep into your tone as you spoke. “Could you find a table, Cee? I’ll wait for the shake.”

“Sure, baby.” He pecked your lips before going to find a seat, leaving you and Bella alone. Her expression changed the moment CJ was out of eyeshot and earshot, which had you worried.

She leaned closer, flicking her bouncy red hair out of her eyes as she took a rather irritated breath in. “Ok, so I had to serve these three skanks, like, five minutes before you came in, and I really didn’t want to because they were absolutely tarnishing your beautiful name, girl, and I had half a mind to smack some sense in her. Even if it gets me a chipped nail.”

Then she saw the dropping condition of your mood, and it instantly clocked in her head, but she needed to know for herself. “Honey,” She covered your hand with her own, sporting furrowed, meticulously threaded and arched eyebrows, “has this happened before?”

Bella was smart, incredibly smart (once you got past the intense self-care) and could tell a white lie when she saw it, so you couldn’t lie. After summing up the courage, you got something out in a meek voice. “Once.”

“One time too many.” She glanced to where Sarah, Louise and Maya were sitting with venom in her eyes. “They were saying all kinds of things that aren’t true in the slightest. I don’t know what you heard, but I have heard enough. Baby girl, you are that boy’s everything. I see it in his eyes; he can’t even begin to fathom that you two are in a relationship, he’s that whipped. And you? You’ve got a heart of gold. Never let it stain for those vultures.” She looked over at them, her eyes doing a 180 the moment they locked on the three paired with a gag (that you weren’t sure was real or fake). “See? Nausea. I hate nausea. You are a damn smart Psych student. They’re just boring history.” She pinched your chin with an affectionate smile before passing you the ready shake. “Don’t waste your time on ‘em.”

Bella never failed to boost you up on a pedestal, a wide grin on your face as you took the cold concoction, complete with two straws. “Alright. I’ll try.”

“You will.” She corrected, but she winked anyway. “Attagirl. Now, go get your man.”

You obliged, finding your table with CJ and putting down the drink, which looked innocent enough with clumps of vanilla ice cream and splotches of pink, green, orange and blue around the clear glass.

“Ready?” CJ asked as he scooted his chair closer, poising those pink lips by the straw, holding it in place.

You grinned, getting in the same position. “Born ready.” You both took a sip, and were instantly hit with… vanilla sweetness?

“Not sour at all.” CJ shrugged, gazing at the drink in confusion as he smacked his lips, his cheeks flushed from the coldness of it. You did the same with yours, getting all the vanilla off your teeth and lips with your tongue as you tried to find the sourness of it all. But… nothing.

“Yeah, I thought it’d be-” You almost gagged and doubled over, your eye closing on instinct.

SOUR.

Oh, that’s-that’s stinging your taste buds. It tastes good, but it’s stinging. CJ was having the same reaction, fanning his mouth as if it would do anything, his left eye blinking over and over again. “Sour.” He gasped, keeping his mouth open. Not even air was on your side. “God, that’s strong stuff. Whoo, damn. Oh, I’m gonna die. Right here, at this table.”

“I’m gonna go with you.” You bent so your forehead was touching the cool surface of the table, panting until you braved the first wave. You exchanged a look with CJ, licking your lips, until you both dove for another long sip.

YOLO, right?

After you two got home, you’d been changing while CJ was stashing the coupons, your stretch marks catching your eye in the mirror. You were tempted to turn it around, but CJ would notice immediately. But for now, you were fixated on the image of you in a simple cotton bra, stretch marks like tiger stripes on your skin as your fingers teased at them.

Trying to see if they’d go away.

“Alley-cat, I’ve set the table.” His low voice rumbled through the door, and you instantly opened it, feeling warm at the nickname. He hadn’t called you that in a good year, not since Jen, and it arose in tenth grade, when you beat up a boy for hurting CJ, landed the douche in the sick bay covered in scratches and gotten suspended with a Cheshire grin on your face.

‘A claw-wielding badass’, he’d told you after laughing until your voices were hoarse when he got home. Your mom had taken the mickey out of you, but you were still smiling. Just cause you helped him.

Pulled back to the present, CJ’s eyes scanned your body as he stopped in his tracks with a soft smirk. You in your bra and sweatpants? Was he in heaven? “Ooh, lá lá.”

You took a quick look at yourself then rolled your eyes, his words doing a bit to thaw the icy chill that set over you by examining the stretch marks and pinching to see what extra fat was where. “Shuddup.” Your arms went to fold over your stomach consciously, but CJ clicked his tongue, shaking his head as he approached you with slow, reverent steps.

“C’mon, pretty girl. Don’t hide all that gorgeousness from me.” His hands found yours, peeling your arms off your stomach to take a look. “Mm, we… might have to skip dinner. And I love pizza, so consider yourself lucky.” He reached you, drawing you into his form by your hips as he began pressing hot kisses to the line of your neck, his finger reaching up to trace the pretty arch of your back. “Yeah, we have to.”

Within seconds, you were on flat on the bed, his skilled mouth on yours with an almost bruising force.

Kissing away the thought that skipping a meal was an eerily good idea.

CJ padded into the kitchen for a midnight snack in his fluffy red and blue checkered pyjama pants, and instantly went for the pizza box. When he opened it, he found it exactly how he left it, which was strange. Four slices, gobbled up quick and easy. He’d told you to eat some as well, since doing the dirty can tax you and they’d literally gone straight to dessert (where each other were concerned) so you needed some food in your system.

Maybe you were just hungry. Maybe… he was reading into things.

That is until the next day, and the day after that, he found you leaving food, disguising it as leftovers. You thought CJ didn’t notice.

He did.

He kept track of this kind of stuff, and it was the most outlandish thing you’d done since you both were little kids. Never once had you starved yourself.

Why would you need to? You were perfect. No need for improvement. Yet he’d seen you with sunken cheeks, staring at food like it was behind a glass pane at a zoo. He’d seen you permanently wearing the loosest clothes in your wardrobe. Casting scared glances at those three makeup-obsessed, snarky girls in their Psych lectures. What were their names? Maya, Louise and Sarah-

Sarah.

Of course. She’d approached CJ just before he started dating you, all hair-twirling, lip biting, blonde galore, laughing in an obviously fake, high-pitched noise at everything he said before finally asking him out. He politely declined, not wanting to bruise her ego and said that he was interested in someone else. She figured who that was when he started dating you. Before that she thought he was gay.

He didn’t know what it was with blondes and thinking he was gay.

He knew you were a damn sight better than Sarah. Even if she was your identical twin, he’d take you. She was into expensive manicures, trips to the salon every other night and trying to make ‘fetch’ happen like Gretchen Wieners.

Though he clocked her as more of a Regina. Trying to be sexy and evil at the same time, but at least Regina did it right (he’d agreed with you on that opinion).

He wasn’t into girls who did obnoxious self care and skimpy clothes. He was into the little things. Like how you’d be playing with his hands every movie night, comparing hand sizes and tracing his fingers with the tips of yours. How you’d wear his hoodies every chance you’d got and he’d let you, just to see you swallowed up in it and to know that you felt special. How you knew him like you knew Harry Potter (word for word) and you were so sweet to him he’d get a cavity.

Most of all your habit of hooking your pinky on his. He took it as a promise that he’d always be yours.

But now he was scared you were starving yourself. Time to put his deerstalker cap on.

Metaphorically.

The one stop he needed to find out if Sarah and her cronies were the root of your problems was none other than their vibrant, fashion forward, milkshake-server Bella. She also went to ESU, and even though you’d take her as a shallow person from the outside, she was sweet, outgoing, protective… and hella smart. She was taking a fashion design course, and that was not for the faint hearted.

“If it isn’t my second favourite Braxton.” She cooed as he approached the counter, looking wonderfully out of place with her dangly hoop earrings.

“I’m the only Braxton you know.” He chuckled, but then she clicked her tongue.

“Bill. He’s a charmer. Now, let’s get down to business.” She fixed the shades atop her red hair. “You’re here about our girl, right?”

“I’m worried, Bels.” CJ swallowed thickly. “I keep on finding leftovers. It’s not normal. And she’s less inclined to show me her body, which, I note, is absolutely gorgeous. I reckon I know who it is.”

“The three Satanic bimbos who were in here talking smack about the love of your life?” Bella raised her eyebrow, nodding. “Yep. I know. One of which who looks like an off-brand, fake Prada Regina George.”

“That’s the one.”

“Rachel McAdams did it miles better.” She snorted, shaking her head disapprovingly. “She’s tarnishing my wife’s name.”

“Well, the off brand version of your wife is ruining my sweet girl.” He sighed, biting his lip. He was lost, confused, and Bella always seemed to lend a helping hand. She could offer a hanky, a sympathetic word or a devastating roast when needed and directed correctly, a complimentary milkshake or, most importantly in this situation, advice. “Help me, Bella. You’re fluent in any girl language. This? I’ve never touched this type of thing with her. She’s always been so confident, and perfect, and sweet. So help me, Bels, or I’ll become trigger-happy.”

“Well, just use what the good lord gave you.” Bella winked, and when CJ flushed in embarrassment, about to stammer out a sheepish reply, she tapped his chest with a giggle. “Your heart of gold, silly. What did you think I was talking about? Now go, return your future wife to her former glory.”

CJ’s face contorted in bewilderment, though the corner of his lip twitched. Bella noticed. “Future- I’m not even gonna argue. Thanks, Bella.”

“Better repay me somehow, young man!” She called as he walked out.

“We’re the same age!”

CJ came home with a reeling mind, and he stopped when he saw you staring into the snack cupboard with a puppy-dog expression… until he came in. Then he raised his eyebrows, gesturing to the cupboard. Just one last hope that you weren’t too badly hurt by those girls. “Don’t stop on my account. I got those for you, baby.”

“Nah, I’m good.” You shook your head, and it confirmed his suspicions. “Just… looking.” His heart broke, and he instantly led you inside your bedroom, his hands in yours and coaxing you to sit, which you did. Not fighting him, knowing the game was up.

He took a deep breath, trying not to let anger well up in him because of what Sarah had said. Out of pure jealousy, all because she couldn’t have him. He felt like the root cause, and he had to fix it. “C’mere, pretty girl.” He drew you onto his lap, resting his forehead on yours, holding you tightly to him. Thumbs rubbing circles into your hip bone, which he felt was starting to poke out. No, no, no, no, no. Not his darling. “Can you tell me why? Please?”

Your bottom lip quivered, but you swallowed the shivers down and got out a choked sentence in a meek voice. You felt like a stranded cat in need of comfort. “Just wanted to be good for you.”

“Shh, no, baby.” He murmured, his hand moving up to cup your cheek. “You’re perfect for me, y’hear? You.” A small peck. “Are.” Another. “Incredible.” One lingering press of his lips to yours. “You’re not eating. I can’t have that. It’s hurting you, and that’s unacceptable to me, ok? I love everything on you just the way it is.” He felt you open your mouth to argue, but he silenced you with a finger on your lips. “We can talk about this when you feel comfortable. However long it takes. But can I just… show you how much I adore you, sweet girl? Let me show you, please.”

His thumb tracing your cheekbone had you leaning into his hand and nodding, so he let out the breath he was painfully somehow holding in the wait for you to agree, mentally preparing himself. He didn’t want this to be anything less than about you. His lips met yours, soft, slow and sensual, the way he was holding you almost reverent. You’d been partaking in gentle love with CJ since you could remember, but this time was different. It had an intensity to it you couldn’t explain. It wasn’t rough, but was fiery. It burned you and soothed you at the same time. A delicious burn but an addicting cool that only left you whining into his mouth.

With that victory notched on his belt, he swiped his tongue on your lower lip, tasting your strawberry chapstick before veering off course to firmly press kisses to your jaw, making his way to a spot behind your ear that had your jaw going slack, his hair tickling it as he sucked gently, massaging your scalp with his fingers. Those lips you loved so much nipped over the curve of your neck, his hand coaxing - not forcing - your head to give him more access until you both found that he no longer needed to give you guidance, you tilting your head on your own to encourage him.

“That’s it, sweet girl.” He murmured, gently rubbing his hand over your chest, down to your stomach and feeling the softness over your hoodie. Then he caressed your thighs, breathing in the mixed scent of you and him which had his head spinning and lips part in a silent gasp, hooked without the need of the line and sinker every time. Effortlessly. That’s how you drew him in.

So. Damn. Effortlessly.

“Cee…” Was all you could get out as his fingers played with the hem of the hoodie, your thighs rubbing together on his lap, his other hand smoothing over those goddamned knee highs, gripping the underside of your knee with a hum.

You couldn’t think. Not even if you wanted to. Especially not with CJ’s hands tracing you like a Greek sculptor would his statue, fingers running over every crevice, imperfection and making them perfect. Except this time, he wasn’t changing a thing about your body, just your view of it. Making it his view.

“As much as I love you wearing my clothes, pretty girl, I think we both want them off.” His lips ghosted over your jugular, making you shiver and nod frantically, at a loss for words because of CJ frickin’ Braxton. Your affirmation prompted him to slide both firm hands under the hoodie, feeling up your body in one smooth motion. The fabric bunched on his forearms, but it served as an effective removal as you lifted your arms, the softness leaving your body - an unfamiliar feeling as it was like a second skin - but replaced with the warm and electrifying feeling of his lips burning a trail from your collarbone to between your chest, quickly undoing the clasp of your cotton bra. Nothing special, just plain.

“So gorgeous.” He murmured in spite of that, nipping at the sensitive skin before rolling one nipple between his fingers, mouth closing around the other. Sucking, laving it with attention, distracting you from noting the exact moment you were manoeuvred, his back against the headboard and you straddling his thigh as needy moans, whines, whimpers - the whole trifecta - spilled from your mouth amid desperate cries of his name.

More like his nickname, but now wasn’t the time to get into specifics.

You were so lost, lost in how he’d switch his focus from one to another, reducing you to putty in his hands, that you were given a hard snap back into reality and then back into cloud nine when he gripped your hips, rocking you against the fabric of his jeans. Friction on your clothed clit. Your mouth falling open. Your eyelashes fluttering as your hands desperately gripped his shoulders, the material of your panties getting more soaked by the second.

The sunset of New York washing over you both. Setting the scene in the oh-so-familiar spotlight that was oh-so more… dizzying. “Feels s’good, Cee.” You breathed, pressing thank-you kisses to his neck, but he shook his head, pulling you back up gently as he kept rocking you, over and over, increasing the delicious pressure each and every time. Ensuring that you were a mess. Ensuring that your pussy throbbed for him.

“S’all for you, baby.” He whispered, nuzzling his nose against yours. “Take what you want, m’all yours. That’s a beautiful girl. That’s my pretty girl.” He took a moment to huff out a breath. His jeans were tight as hell right now, but this was your moment, and he’d fight like hell to keep it that way.

Damn Sarah to hell. That was an un-sexy thought. Back to the gorgeous girl above him.

He gently rolled the two of you over so he was on top, his hand reaching down to tug down your panties at a slow pace, kissing down the length of your legs until his eyes locked on your glistening cunt. The sight had a groan tumbling from deep in his chest, his directory changing as he did himself of his jacket, shirt, belt and jeans, kicking off his socks as he inched forward. Next thing you knew, your legs were on his shoulder, his mouth sucking at your clit and two of his fingers easing inside you, the one grounding force his hand rubbing your thigh soothingly, as an assurance that you were doing so well for him.

“So gorgeous.” He hummed, sending vibrations through you that had you throwing your head back against the pillows, one hand in his hair and the other gripping the sheets like a lifeline. You were half scared that you’d tear right through them, he was that good at working you, playing you like a damn fiddle.

His fingers crooked just right, hitting your g-spot like he had an in-built homing device to it, continuing to in a ‘come here’ motion, beckoning your climax while your head spun with the amount of sensations hitting you at once. His mouth sucking again and again at your clit until he dipped down to lap at your soaked pussy before returning his attention to where it was before. Irregular intervals, just to keep your toes curling, breath hitching and eyes rolling back.

And with one more stroke, one more flick, he had you tipping over the edge, coming on his fingers, and he left your clit to drink it all up as you shook, cried out his name, writhed above him and made him feel that much more powerful. He made sure none of your sweetness went to waste, so he could feel it all on his tongue while he scissored you open, slow movements so he wouldn’t overwhelm you. His other hand gently setting down your legs and rubbing a soothing circle on your stomach before he looked up at you, mouth and chin glistening before he licked his lips, collecting the mess on his chin with his thumb and sucking it all off.

The sight almost had you coming again.

He moved back up your body, leaving soft presses of his mouth - his stamp of approval - wherever he went until he reached your mouth, withdrawing his fingers from your soaked pussy and licking them clean, keeping eye contact before he cupped your cheek with his hand and firmly kissed you, grinding his clothed need against you slowly. Making sure you felt it.

“Only you.” He murmured, kissing your nose before rolling you so you were on top of him, straddling him, and he was propping himself against the headboard again. “Only you do this to me, sweet girl. Nobody else. Just you.” Next thing you knew, he was once again taking your breath away by getting his boxers off, ripping a silver packet open with his teeth. Rolling the condom on and taking your hips, lowering you down onto his waiting cock.

Groaning as he felt you, letting your forehead fall against his shoulder, taking in your whines of his name from those pretty lips and letting them send him to cloud ten as he moaned out yours. Your hips already rocking as you fit him like a glove, your bodies slotting together perfectly as your face remained close to his. Him watching every minuscule twitch of those gorgeous features, with his flushed cheeks, hazy emerald eyes and swollen, reddened, parted lips.

“So good, sweet boy.” You moaned out as your lips connected with his, lifting and lowering yourself back down so you could take him deep. A twitch from his hips jolting you slightly and having your noses knock together, which elicited matching giggles from both of you. “Easy there, cowboy.”

“Easier said than done when the girl of my wildest dreams is riding me, lookin’ all pretty. Taking me so goddamn well.” CJ’s voice came out strained, his core tight as he desperately tried to hold on for you, when you were squeezing him in a way which had his eyes rolling back and him wondering whether he was in heaven. He let you set the pace, loosely holding your hips and watching for any sign of fatigue as you took what you needed. What you deserved. All amid hot, slow kisses, gentle nips at exposed skin and whispered, shaky words of love and affection.

Your pinky entwining with his.

Your stuttering hips were your sign that you needed him to take over, so he rolled you over onto your back, keeping his strokes long and deep so you could feel every inch of him. Your hand pinned above your head, but it was being held by his as he nipped your earlobe, kissed down your jaw and reached your neck, brushing his lips feather-light in a way that had your mouth falling open.

“Cee, baby, o-oh, don’t stop,” You begged, the free hand of yours alternating between threading in his hair and resting between his shoulder blades. Your nails dug into his back, but he didn’t mind in the slightest, knowing it was an outlet along with the cries and pleas spilling from your lips like a prayer to go faster and don’t stop. He picked up his pace, going slightly faster and brushing up against your g-spot, your toes curling, eyes rolling and legs locking around his waist.

The way CJ was looking at you topped it off. With adoration in his eyes, paired with his praises that he whispered against your skin and your lips, kissing them sweetly every now and then. The hand that wasn’t holding yours was cradling your face. “Taking me so well, sweet girl.” He’d murmur before kissing your nose. “You look so gorgeous right now. So damn gorgeous.” Another kiss on the nose, and then a drawn-out thrust. Your hand would grip his tighter, you’d cry out his name and you’d be that much closer to tipping over the edge.

He got you there faster, not switching pace but thrusting harder as he then reached between the two of you, stroking your clit in time with his movements, keeping an eye on you in case you felt any discomfort.

None at all. You were in heaven. Sparks instantly shot through your body and had your legs not been around CJ’s waist, you’d be bucking your hips. Your whines and moans got that much louder, and CJ was almost shaking in the attempt to hold out and let you come first. His teeth gritted as he thrust into you, moaning low in his throat as your walls squeezed and fluttered around him, a sign you were close.

The headboard acted as a steady pulse, the thumb on your clit insistent and you fought to keep your eyes from rolling back but failing miserably. You felt like you were on fire, getting hotter and hotter, and like you were the brightest star in the sky with how CJ was looking at you with the awe that one would have when they visit one of the wonders of the world. To CJ, you were the eighth. The irony that stars were beginning to appear in front of your eyes. “Come for me, sweet girl.” CJ choked out, almost begging as he gasped shakily, his thrusts growing more erratic and sloppy. Still absolutely amazing, though. Just to make that clear on your part. “Please? N-Need to feel you, baby. Doing so well, pretty girl, please, just c-come for me.”

Your vision almost went black as you came hard, your head falling back, which gave CJ the opportunity to press his lips to the curve of your neck, soft and barely there as he thrust once, twice before he spilled into the condom, hips stuttering and a gasp being torn from his throat as he choked out your name over and over like a prayer.

You looked down to see him, and you instantly felt a rising warmth in your heart upon seeing CJ like this, just for you. Eyes screwed shut, hair messed up, lips parted and letting out moans just for you. You’d forgotten anything was even said about you by the time you both came down from your highs, marvelling at how his lean shoulders heaved from the exertion.

He looked up at you with a loving smile, kissing your forehead before pulling out of you, disposing of the condom before immediately going back to you and smoothing your hair back with kisses all over your face. “Incredible.” Was all he could murmur, in the aftershocks of the aftershocks. “You were absolutely incredible, pretty girl.”

“So were you. You had me at a loss for words the entire time.” You giggled, giving him a sweet kiss back. “Sweet boy. Pretty boy.”

“Shuddup.” He grinned, nuzzling your nose with a low chuckle. “Let’s get in the shower, hm? And I’ll change the sheets when we get back. No crusty fluids.” Then he paused, both of you snickering. “That was an un-sexy thing to say. Sorry, I think I just ruined the mood.”

“Nah.” You kissed the tip of his nose. “You made it.”

Three days later, you were meeting CJ after a meeting with your lecturer on your latest Psych essay on how well you’d done, and CJ was shuffling in his bag for some notes that he had to give Sarah, who was sauntering over as we speak.

“Oh, CJ!” She trilled, pouting unnecessarily. Probably to draw attention to those obnoxiously glossy lips. “Got those notes for me? I hate to miss lectures.” Everyone knew she skipped it to buy new makeup, but he played along, wordlessly took out the notes and handed it over. “Oh, thanks so much, handsome. I, uh, don’t see your girlfriend anywhere.” She made a show of looking around. “Maybe we could-”

“Sarah, I’ll stop you right there.” He held up a finger. “I’m not gonna go on a date with you, definitely not when you’ve been smack talking about my girlfriend for the past three weeks.” Sarah looked thunderstruck. Good. “And I’m even less inclined to when I’ve got a woman in my corner who’s gorgeous, kind, sweet, smart, all of the great adjectives in the dictionary. I’m not even gonna stand here and watch you feel sorry for yourself.”

“But… baby-”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not interested.” He shot Sarah a venomous look, which changed into a lovesick stare when he saw you emerging from your meeting with a wide grin. He left Sarah looking like a lost puppy to reach you, kissing you briefly as a hello. “Hey, you.” He murmured, letting his lips have a mind of their own and trail down your neck.

You swatted his chest with a giggle, wearing his hoodie again. This time looking healthy and happy, after gorging on whatever snacks you wanted with no mental repercussions. Job well done, you both agreed. CJ hated seeing you as anything less than the bubbly girl he’d known since before he could remember. “Cee! We’re in public!”

“So?” He lifted you and spun you around before setting you down. “Got the love of my life in my arms and esteemed chairwoman of the Day Old Frosties Club and I can’t exhibit PDA? That’s a felony.”

“Arrest me.”

“I’ve always thought you’d pull off an orange jumpsuit.” Both of you burst into giggles, but then CJ took your hand and kissed the back of it, then the inside of your wrist. The way you blushed furiously then struggled to get out a response without stuttering made the last puzzle piece fit into place. You were his calling. You were the one. “At least let us splurge our coupons at Haute Couture later.”

You stood on your tiptoes, pecking CJ’s lips quickly, which had him flustered this time. “I’d love to.”

You and CJ ordered your drink (The CaraStrawberry Couple) at Haute Couture Shakes, Bella being the cheery server once again and doting over you both. It was your turn to go find a table, and CJ slipped something out of his jacket. A small rectangle card. “Here’s your repayment, Bels.”

Bella took the card suspiciously, but her face lit up when she read it. “Ten free manicures and polishes at my favourite nail salon? Oh, hon, you’re an absolute angel!”

“Turns out I did have to use what the good Lord gave me.” He quoted, and Bela punched his shoulder lightly with a chuckle.

“You sly dog.” Then she quirked an eyebrow. “This is a lil’ extra, so I’m guessing that there’s something else that you want from me.”

CJ chuckled, nodding. “That’s right. It’s a little much, but I have no idea how this works and my mom would go overboard. Plus, your sense of fashion is… incredible.”

Bella giggled again. “You flatter me. Now c’mon, tell me. Even if I have an idea.”

CJ bit his lip, then leaned forward, speaking in a low voice. “Ring shopping.” He had to cover Bella’s mouth to stifle the squeal and borderline scream that came out of her, her blue eyes lighting up in excitement. CJ cautiously took his hand off, and she still bore the same dumbstruck, euphoric expression.

“I knew it!”

I’d appreciate feedback!

TAGLIST: @k-slla @deans-daydream @hobby27

#cj braxton fics #cj braxton x female reader #cj braxton smut #cj braxton x reader #cj braxton #cj braxton fanfiction #cj braxton x you #jensen a thon

[hellsite-hall-of-girlfriend]

yuri recs 1,2,3 GO!

AH FINALLY MY TIME HAS COME

first and foremost, i have to recommend the best yuri ever written (in my opinion):

I’m in Love with the Villainess! this is an absolutely incredible story about an office worker, Rei Ohashi, who gets reborn into the world of her favorite otome game Revolution! now, as the protagonist Rae Taylor, she courts the villainess of the game Claire François! while this seems like a typical isekai story, it is anything but. there’s plenty of twists and turns along the way, and it’s filled with honest conversations about being gay, trans, and so much more! i highly recommend you start with the light novels because they are beautiful!! additionally, the author, Inori-sensei, is a trans lesbian. so you know these conversations are coming from a genuine place!!

next i’d recommend Whisper Me a Love Song!! this is a cute adorable slice-of-life yuri about a school girl, Himari Kino, falling in love with her senpai (and lead singer of the local band SSGirls), Yori Asanagi! Yori and Himari are absolutely adorable together and they are truly wonderful!!

i would also recommend Citrus/Citrus+! those of you who know enough yuri manga probably know this one, for one specific detail. however, for those not in the know, i’ll give a rundown! Yuzu Aihara is a high school gyaru who is excited to get a boyfriend this semester (even tho she’s goes to an all girls school), but she quickly falls in love with the student council president, Mei! on top of figuring out her feelings for another girl, there’s one more complication… Mei is Yuzu’s new step sister! this story follows Yuzu and Mei as they overcome their communication issues and find love in each other (and get married)! it’s a very sweet story and i really highly recommend it!

also, if you’re looking for something a bit more… adult, i’d highly recommend Asumi-chan is Interested in Lesbian Brothels! Asumi is a college girl who wants to find her long lost childhood crush, Mai. her friend told her that she’s seen her around! trouble is, Mai works at a lesbian brothel. so now Asumi must make repeated visits to the brothel in order to track her down (and have a bit of fun on the side~)! while this may seem like it’ll just be “porn without plot” so to speak, this story is genuinely very endearing and funny, plus the art is super cute and good! so not only are you getting expertly drawn adult scenes, but also adorable scenes on top of that!

there’s plenty more i could recommend, but those are some of my personal favorites! i’d also recommend checking out The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady if you want a fun fantasy isekai and Otherside Picnic if you want spooky yuri with terrifying monsters! enjoy reading!!

#hehe this was long #it could’ve been longer but i wanted to limit myself to not go insane here #GO READ THESE THEYRE SO GOOD #especially wataoshi it’s amazing #i’m in love with the villainess #im in love with the villainess #iltv #watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou #wataoshi #whisper me a love song #sasakoi #citrus manga #citrus plus #asumi chan is interested in lesbian brothels #yuri #yuri recs #yuri recommendation #ask #hellsite hall of girlfriend #madame girlfriend’s bullshit #the girlfriend answers

[theluckykitty]

~ manifesting an sp

thought i’d post on how i manifest SPs since I am manifesting a new one rn, literally starting today.

i have manifested an SP successfully similarly to this (same SP multiple times, currently not manifesting this old SP).

1. create a playlist

— with songs that remind me of my SP, of their vibe / the vibe that I imagine our relationship has or songs that remind me of our encounters and interactions.

2. create the new story

— this step i missed before and it was a mistake, so now i’m fixing that, how do you want your sp to be like? how do you want them to view you? well, you can make a list (like i do) or keep it simply in your head, now that’s the idea that we keep, we let go of the unfavourable version of your sp, that version is outdated, the new one is in.

3. affirming

— i have a really old list of sp affs, there’s like 20 at least, so i will probably be inspired by those and pick a couple affs i like, i like to focus on one thing so i will pick about 2-3 affs for specific stuff such as their personality & their feelings towards me. for me it would look like affirming: “he’s so kind & loving” “we’re in a healthy relationship” “he’s so in love with me and he shows it” “he is my perfect person and i am his.” and so on… i also recommend affirming for self concept, so affirming you are loved, you deserve the best always, you manifest easily, that manifesting is easy, that sp is easy to manifest etc.

4. subliminals

— i like to include subs when i manifest, i listen to them sometimes when falling asleep and asleep or just when i’m doing something like scrolling on tumblr. i listen to all sorts of sp subs, honestly whatever you want to do, i like to listen to subs that re-affirm he’s into me or that he gives me princess treatment.

5. just know

— letting go of the 3d is often hard, but you have to remind yourself whenever you doubt that 3d looks to you for validation not you to the 3d, remind yourself there is shit going on behind the scenes, remind yourself they are in love or your friend or anything you fucking want.

REMINDER!!!

all those steps are optional, this is just how i PERSONALLY manifest my SPs, you can take one step and leave the other.

#theluckykitty 🍀 #reality shifting #shifting #loassblog #loassumption #loablr #loa blog #loa success #loa tumblr #loa #law of assumption #sp manifestation #specific person #sp #manifestation #manifesting advice

[simpforpeterp]

lucifer morningstar x reader

CHIP ON MY SHOULDER

summary: based on the song with the same name from legally blonde the musical. the reader, an angel, driven by love, follows their partner into hell, only to face betrayal and mockery. they then encounter a mysterious and charismatic man who offers surprising insights and advice.

warnings: not necessarily a warning but gender neutral reader, no use of y/n. also the partner is gender neutral and described with they/them pronouns. use of the word pretty to describe reader.

word count: 1.03k

"How did it come to this? All I wanted was to be with them, to follow them, to be by their side. And now... I'm here." You mumble under your breath, kicking brimstone as you walk.

You walk over and sit on a broken bench, your wings are tattered and dirty. As you look up at the dark sky, you begin feeling the weight of your choices. Following someone you loved all the way down to Hell was stupid. You were blinded by how they made you feel, you followed them as they fell from Heaven despite being in good standing up there.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? An angel far from home?" A man steps out in front of you, stopping his walk.

"Look, man, whatever gross things you have to say about me being an angel, I've heard it all today. So just...forget it." You cross your arms.

"I wasn't gonna say anything gross. It's just...you- uh, look out of place. To say the very least," He tries and you finally look up to see him. He's not very tall, he's very pale but he has this nice blonde hair that keeps you looking at him. "May I sit down?"

"Go for it. It's not like I'm...high priestess of where people sit in Hell." You say tiredly.

"New here?" He asks.

"I guess. Not really. I'm not...I'm not one of you people, I'm not meant to be down here." You tell him.

"If you're in denial, that's fine but at least-"

"No, really! I didn't fall, I'm on a shitty visit," You insist. "And I know, I just said a bad word, whoop-dee-frickin'-doo."

"Why would you ever want to visit here?" He laughs.

"Love."

"What?" He turns his attention to you.

"I followed where love led me and it apparently brought me to my very own personal circle of Hell," You play with your fingers as you look ahead. "And I made a big show of it too, coming down here. Now I have to go home, hat in hand. I wish I were dead at this point."

"You've gotta be more specific, babe." He sighs.

"I came down here because my dumbass partner broke too many rules and started saying these crazy things! So, of course, I'm an idiot and I follow them down here. Instead of the tragic love story I thought I was gonna get, they go and make friends instantly and turn into a completely different person. And here I am, just someone they mock with their friends. I wanted a Greek tragedy and got...whatever the opposite is."

"Did you seriously come down here to follow 'love' of all things?" He laughs before clearing his throat and covering his mouth.

"Oh, what got you here?" You wave it off.

"I'm an angel too," He sighs and you immediately turn to face him. "I was an angel."

"But you look so different."

"I've been down here for a while."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I had this idea they didn't like about rehabilitating sinners to bring them to Heaven. I was young and I was dumb and instead of persisting and trying to convince them, I got mad and slept with a human. And then I did it again. But then I fell in love with the first human and we got sent here together. We're not together anymore, messy divorce. So I'm not a big fan of love. Love is what got me here, alone and unfulfilled. I loved her more than anything, she gave me my daughter. But this place changed her for the worst and she left both of us. I wouldn't trust love for anything."

"I'm sorry but that's highly negative. Just because you have some kind of chip on your shoulder about how love hasn't worked out for you in the past doesn't mean it can't in the future. And you didn't think you'd go down the same path as Lucifer after doing the same thing? They practically have street signs up there that say not to sleep with humans." You laugh.

"Do you even know what Lucifer looks like?" He smirks.

"No, they have no pictures up there. Why?" You laugh.

"Hold on, I've got a picture," He sighs as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out something you can't quite see fully. "This is one of him sitting with some weirdo on a bench."

Before you can fully process what he just said, he scoots the slightest bit closer, showing you a mirror with the two of you sitting together on full display.

"Oh my-" You choke, falling backwards and almost slipping off of the broken bench.

"You know, people down here aren't usually real with me because I'm King but this was a nice talk. A breath of fresh air," He smirks before standing up. "And just a warning, these people are really awful, I'm sure you haven't even met the worst of the worst. If I were you, I'd just go home and sacrifice your pride. Actually, no I wouldn't. But you probably should. That asshole who left you is an idiot; an angel as charming and steadfast as you should be cherished. This was fun."

"Wait!" You say as you lift yourself to stand beside him. "How did you...how did you get used to it down here? In case I don't feel like swallowing my pride."

"Love." He chuckles.

"Oh, you're an asshole," You point a finger at him before laughing. "I like you, Your Highness."

"Haven't heard that in a while. And drop the formalities, you've insulted me too much to not be on a first-name basis." He jokes.

"Alright, Lucifer," You say, a hint of a smile forming. "Thank you for your advice or lack thereof. I think I'll stay a while longer."

"One thing I will say is, that chip on your shoulder can be your greatest ally. Let it drive you to be stronger, and fiercer. In Hell, that's the only way to survive. Especially for an angel as resilient and honestly, as pretty as you are."

#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #hellaverse #fallen angel

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 To celebrate here is a romantic relationship reading for yall! Be aware that these are read with queer people in mind. ALSO THIS IS AN 18+ READING. If you are younger than 18 please do not interact. THANK YOU. Love is love baby and I will not tolerate hatred here. Take what resonates and leave the rest behind, my friends. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎🤍🩵🩷

PILE 1

Crystal: Green Aventurine

Astrology: Cancer, Leo, Capricorn

Character: Keroppi

Song: Red Wine Supernova by Chappel Roan/ SUNRISE by MICHELLE

Vibes: 💚❤️🍷🧝👒🪖🍒🐸🥀🍄🍏🍉🍑🐛🪲🐢🐍🍎🦖🦎🪴🥊🚗🌴🎍🍀🍃🎋🪷🍓🌶️🍝🥒🥑🥬🫑🥦🫛🌹🥗🧃

Ribbit! Hiiiii pile one <3 I see you really think this person is cool. You have so much fun with them. The most fun you have had with someone in a while. The seggs is absolutely amazing with them. They can go hard and long just like you like it. They like to try new stuff with you too. New toys and new positions are brought up everytime you guys get together. I also see they are excellent dirty-talker. You are starstruck by him. This connection is awesome but I think it might be a shorter connection than you like. They want intimacy with you and they want to be your friend. From your perspective you think they want more than that. Make sure you are on the same page with this person on what they want and make sure that what you want matches with them. When I say that I mean really honestly on the same page. You can’t change yourself for them. Don’t ignore your feelings just to make them happy. You might need more romance than they can offer. If they can’t provide the romance or reliability you need then the connection you have with him doesn’t have to be severed but it does need reevaluation. Just understand it won’t go any farther than friends with benefits. Don’t ask him to change either. Both of you deserve love in the ways you need it. He needs less romance than you do but that doesn’t make your needs less important. You can always stay friends or keep a friends-with-benefits thing going until you find a partner that can give you the romantic energy you need. I do see them being weirdly jealous sometimes though. That is not them telling you they have feelings for you. They're just territorial about who they fuck with. They have very animalistic energy. Which is why I implore you to have conversations about how you both feel regularly just to make sure yall stay on the same page. I wish you luck on your sexellent sexapades, my friend. 💙🩵🤍💚💙

PILE 2

Crystal: Carnelian

Astrology: Sagittarius, Pisces

Character: Hello Kitty

Song: I Won’t Say (I’m in Love) by Disney / Rocket Ship by Nep

Vibes: 🦑🦞🦊🐞🍁🔥☄️🍑🍊🍅🥕🥧🌭🍕🏀🏈⛹🏽‍♀️🥉🚀⛺️🏺🧱🧡💛💥🥻🧑‍🦰🎃🥵🤯📳📙💊🏮🌇⛱️⛵️

Hello, kitty! Welcome to your reading pile two. You are waiting on this person. They are getting their head figured out. I see they are in therapy. They do have feelings for you right now buuut they just don’t realize it yet. Once they realize it though. Oh. My. Goodness. It will be MAGICAL. Ya just gotta be patient with them okay? I see you are extremely practical so you probably aren’t the type to sleep around or keep things casual. You want a future with this person. I see some of ya’ll reading have been in a relationship with this person for a while but they haven’t really been taking it seriously. Some of you have just been texting with this person and are unofficial. Don’t worry. Let them take the time they need to figure out their feelings. I see you both have a lot of feminine energy and remember feminine energy is still, so it might take your future spouse some time to figure out how much you make them happy. They don’t seem very intune with their feelings lmao. Once you are official? You will be ICONIC. People might be jealous of what you will have with them so it is so worth the wait, my friend. You’ll have matching everything by the way. You might already do that by accident with them. Matching clothes, matching shoes, matching tattoos, matching bags, matching water bottles like it is going to be pinterest worthy relationship goals. You might also say a lot of stuff at the same time by accident too. Wow. Yall are so cool I can’t stand it. I hope they figure out their feelings for you soon so you can get to slaying. ❤️🧡🤍💗🩷

PILE 3

Crystal: Angelite

Astrology: Aquarius, Scorpio

Character: Cinnamoroll

Song: Poison by Sam Haft

Vibes: 🩵🥺🩷😇💛🖤🎀✏️💎🚬😭🧠⛓️🧞‍♀️💑🧳✈️🥃🍯🛼🧊😱❄️🕳️💣⛈️🪷🦩🦋🪱🤡🐝🩱👻⚔️👑👛👚😰🔭🪬🧿

Bark Bark!! Hello, pile threee! Gonna be for real for a sec. You are kind of a mess and this reading is pretty hard to hear. I see you are stuck in a relationship with someone. Luckily this reading isn’t about that partner. They can go suck eggs for all I care. They turned you into this mess. You apologize to them when they hurt YOUR feelings. That’s ick. Why do they gotta make you do that, huh? They make you pretend to be someone you arent! Anywho you should leave them. Like seriously leave them. I know it’s scary! I PROMISE DUDE. I know from personal experience. Leave. As soon as you leave. This new person will come in after a couple months. You might thiiink the person you’re with right now is your twin flame. That is not true dude. There is this term called a false twin flame. I had to go through that whole process too. It is not fun. The reason you are going through this is because you canNOT stick around this ASSHOLE just because you are afraid of being alone! Cutting off the dead rose will allow another rose to bloom. You have tried to fix the mess of a partner you are with. It hasn’t worked. You can’t make someone better who doesn’t want to be better. Yeah I said it! They don’t want to get better! That's why they refuse to do therapy. That's why they won’t change for you. I learned this a while ago. Some people just like to hurt. They like to be the victim. However, there is good news. You can leave. Take your power back and you will be rewarded with the rainbow after the storm. You are an angel and you deserve another angel. You will get one, sweetpea. The nicest angel they have. When you meet them you will know it is them because they will be wearing SO much BLUE. They're a hopeless romantic just like you, hun. They’ll worship you and the ground you walk on. So much you won’t know what to do. You might cry when you realize they aren’t gonna hurt you the way you are currently being hurt. Baby, I’m really begging you to trust the universe will send you the best reward for doing right by you. I know you can do it. You are so much more than how your current person makes you feel. 🩷💛🩵/🖤💛🤍💜

PILE 4

Crystal: Iolite

Astrology: Aries, Taurus, Libra

Character: Kuromi

Song: Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl by Chappel Roan/ Short Skirt-Long Jacket by Jet

Vibes: 💜🖤☕️💛🔮🧬🎆🎼🎹♟️📒🏵️🔌🥇🍆💻🍇🍙🐈‍⬛🦮🕷️🕶️👽👾😈🔪🦹💅🏽👯🗝️✒️💣

>:3 HI, PILE FOUR! I have the best news my friend! THIS READING IS SO INTERSTELLAR! The emperor and the empress ruling together! The emperor in this reading is a lil scared though. Understandable to be honest. He has been burned real bad in the past. He doesn’t have to worry anymore. All the painful relationships are behind him. He can relax into this connection. The empress is this reading is loyal, fair and very protective. When I say fair I do mean both definitions. She is Just and also drop dead gorgeous. She might be kind of scary at times but she loves the emperor and would beat up anyone who messed with him. She wears a lot of alternative fashion. She seems goth to me but it could also be punk rock or emo. She likes to garden and she has a cat. I imagine the cat's name is “shadow” or something? I see the emperor wearing alternative fashion as well but softer styles like cottagecore or clowncore. He is also quite stubborn. He is so headstrong about stuff because he had been a pushover for a long time and now he refuses to be pushed around. I dunno if they're both trans but since it's pride month I’m gonna say they're both transgender. 🏳️‍⚧️ I see you meeting the other in a park or bumping into each other at pride. There is nothing to fear with this connection. It is balanced, loving and you motivate each other deeply to go after what you both desire most. OH ALSO your seggs life will be AMAAAAAZING cus you are both switches. You also both listen to each other's needs when in the bedroom. I am so happy for the both of you. You deserve each other. 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

PILE 5

Crystal: Citrine

Astrology: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius

Character: My Melody

Song: Too Sweet by Hozier

Vibes: 💝😜🙀👄💑👙⚜️🔐👛👑🐱🐙🌷🌸🔔🌼💐☀️🍌🍉🎟️🥎🩰💰⚱️🔑🎊🎀🛍️📣🐌

:3c Hi pile 5! Welcome to this reading! When I was pulling cards for today's reading I very much decided to do a fifth pile last minute. Which leads me to believe you don't see the love interest as a possibility right now. You think they are out of your league and you are trying soooo hard not to pine over them. I'm going to try to give you a clue of who this is because I see it being kind of hard for you to accept it when you figure it out. I hear you saying “Noooooo it couldn’t be them!” and yet they still linger on your mind. You think about them a lot. They are quite stoic and don’t really wear their emotions on their sleeves. This is the opposite of you. You refer to them as your Moon to your Sun. They could be any water sign (cancer, pisces, scorpio). They like to wear patterned clothes with really small patterns. You can't quite tell what they are until you get up close. This might be on purpose cus they like it when you are close to them hehe. From your perspective they seem really responsible and well off. Sometimes you compare yourself to them and it makes you feel like you aren’t doing stuff right. I promise you are doing things right by the way. You just have more on your plate than your future partner does. I see you have a lot of trauma you have been working through on top of the regular everyday stuff. When you are with them you feel complete and whole. They fill in the spaces that you struggle keeping balanced on your own. I see you playing video games or board games together. So cute ^w^! However I see they probably are in a situationship right now. Someone is leading them on and they have been for a while. Someone kind of corvid like keeps them occupied and it’s been harder and harder to see them as often as you used to. That situationship won’t last. If you want to intervene on it, I see that is a possibility that might help you get closer with them. Ask them about their love life and be curious. Just remember to play the long game when approaching them about this corvid-like person. The corvid is playing the short game. Slow and steady wins the race. 🩷💜💙

#tarot #tarot reading #astrology #pick a crystal #pick a pile #tarot pick a card #crystals #pick a card #spirituality #spiritualgrowth #spiritual awakening #spiritual journey #spiritual growth #spirit #queer #pride month #nonbinary #lesbian #gay #pansexual #bisexual #sanrio #cinnamoroll #kerropi #kuromi #my melody #hello kitty #transgender