#this past year was full of so many endings and i've been struggling in some way everyday

[solarisfortuneia]

— 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬.

and the smell of camphor dancing in the wind.

✦ info: he didn't know he'd lose you so soon. (come back, please. even if it is just for five more minutes.)

✦ featuring: alhaitham.

✦ warnings: angst, character death (reader), heartache, 1.2k words, somewhat proof-read.

✦ notes: i cried so goddamn hard writing this. why is my first work after hiatus pain. why did i pick up the angst wip. but!! i'm writing again, so that's good. (more notes at the end.)

he didn’t know that it was your last day together. 

he didn’t know that the smile you gave him that afternoon, your eyes sparkling like sunlight upon the serene waves of the ocean, would be the last he’d ever see. that the playful light in your gaze would fade so very soon, slipping through his fingers like sand.

he didn’t know that last night would be the last time he held you close while you drifted off to sleep. he didn’t know that today would be the last time he’d wake up with you.

he didn’t think he’d lose you like this. 

he didn’t think he wouldn’t be able to save you from that blow. 

“please, please,”  he begs, both to you and to whatever force that is just barely holding you together. “just stay with me for five more minutes, please. until i can get you somewhere.” 

the rain soaks him to the bone, clothes and hair sticking to his skin. your lips stay motionless, eyes shut.

“wake up, please,”  he bargains. “you can have all the five minutes of extra sleep you want later, i promise. just—”  his vision blurs, and something shines on the ground before it is gone, swallowed by damp earth, lost amidst drops of falling rain. 

desperately, he tears off parts of his traveling cloak to staunch the bleeding. deep inside, he knows it is futile. he knows your wound is too great. he knows what lies ahead. but he cannot help but press the cloths to your wound and pray. 

please, please tell me it’ll be okay. 

please stay with me, beloved. i’ll read you all the books in the world. i’ll sleep in with you everyday, even if we end up whiling away our time. 

please. stay. stay with me. i can’t lose you yet.  

“— just wake up, beloved.” 

by some miracle, your eye flutters. just a bit. just enough to set hope ablaze, just enough for the grip on his heart to loosen a tiny bit. he buries his face in your shoulder, resting his head against your neck, uncaring of the blood that stains his clothes. your blood. on his clothes. his hands. everywhere. 

no. no. this can’t be happening.

he feels you strain beneath him, your unwounded arm gently, weakly brushing his back. he jolts upright, eyes trained on your face. you send a frail smile his way. he clasps your face softly as you nuzzle into his palm.

“alhaitham—” 

his full name. archons, how long has it been since you called him that?  

“— take good care of yourself, okay?” you tell him, chest heaving, your fingertips touching a tear on his cheeks. “i love you. so much.” 

those are the last words he hears fall from your lips. he presses a kiss to your forehead, to your eyelids, and to your cheeks and to your lips, over and over and over until he feels your breath slow, hoping they’ll say what he knows he cannot manage to choke out.

i love you. 

he stays there next to you for who knows how long, holding you until the rain slows and a faint rainbow smiles in the sky.

until he can’t smell camphor anymore.

—

every person has their curiosities. 

they’re just the little traits that set them apart from others, the things that make them tick just a little bit differently, the things that make them, them.

for instance, someone may be obsessed with collecting tiny furniture, while another eats the crusts off their sandwich before actually consuming it. someone may have an affinity for the most niche aspects of linguistics, while another can accurately predict the next raindrop that slides down a window pane.

after all, no two people are exactly alike, are they?

alhaitham knows he’s got his fair share of these curiosities himself. his aversion to soup and all things that resemble it, to name one. and with you, he’d noticed two things. 

number one: the scent of camphor that seems to linger on every inch of your person. 

he’d caught whiff of it almost immediately the first time you met. you were but one of his juniors in the akademiya, filled with bright-eyed curiosity and anxiety to match. you had tripped over a stair and bumped into his table in the library, bringing the mountain of books in your arms crashing down.

and with subsequent coincidental meetings, he learnt that the subtle scent of camphor dancing in the air meant you weren’t far away. 

you were, unfortunately, one of the poor souls who seemed to be cursed with constantly recurring minor illnesses, and almost always walked about with a stuffy nose. and so, you always carried a small disc of camphor in a handkerchief, as well as in your pocket.

you swore up and down, left, right and center that sniffing the vapors helped make breathing easier.

‘it’s my grandmother’s remedy, alhaitham! camphor always works wonders. well, that and eucalyptus oil.”

alhaitham may not know the validity of your claim or the legitimacy of the cure, but he knew to never, ever question a grandmother’s remedy. that, and he’d much rather refrain from starting a back-and-forth about something so small.

and number two: your neverending pleas of different variations of ‘just five more minutes!’ 

“five more minutes, ‘haitham. please.” you’d whine grumpily when he woke you up to start your day. “let me sleep in for five more minutes.” 

“five more minutes, habibi,” you’d ask when he put down the story you’d requested he read out to you before bedtime. “read me the part where she finds the music box?”

“five more minutes, baby,” is what you’d tell him when he asks how much longer you’d take getting ready. “you can’t rush perfection!”

those five more minutes were never five minutes long. 

but he’d always, always indulged you and those pleading eyes of yours. as stoic as he appeared to be, you lived in his heart. of course he could never deny you anything under the sun.

—

alhaitham remembers that silly little song you sang over and over, the one you’d learnt from a kid in the bazaar. he’d taken you to see one of nilou’s performances, and, friendly soul that you were, you’d struck up a conversation with some of the eager audience members before the play. 

“oh, how i wish i was a bird flying free,

i’d see the world, every mountain and every sea!

oh, how i wish i was a cloud in the sky,

wouldn’t you like to wave to me as i pass by?”

you’d hum that rhyme on every idle afternoon.

loss is inevitable. he knows that, with how logical and rational and straightforward he is. he’d lost his parents, but he was far too young to remember. he’d lost his grandmother, but she passed in her sleep of old age, serene and wise.

but you? he didn’t think you’d leave him this soon. a singular wish sits in his soul, making its home in his bones. 

a wish that you’d come back, somehow. 

he wishes you gave him five more minutes, just as he always did.  but he knows that you could’ve given him five more hours, five more days, five more years and five more decades and it would still not be enough time spent with you. 

a blue feathered bird comes to perch on his shoulder, interrupting his musings just as he raises his face to the sky. he sees the heart shaped cloud that floats idly above sumeru city.

 he thinks of the rhyme again, and something in him tells him to wave. and so he does. a scent so familiar lingers, faintly brushing his nose in the wind that picks up.

“alhaitham, it's time to go.”  kaveh calls his name softly.

 alhaitham doesn't move. “five more minutes,”  he says, echoing your favorite phrase. “i smell camphor in the breeze.” 

✦ extra notes: my alhaitham characterization for this fic stems from how i believe that when alhaitham is attached, he's attached. so i focused more on that, and less of all that rationality and whatnot. this one loves deeply, yk?

that camphor thing is a real grandma remedy in our household (my mom would tie some in a hanky and put some under my pillow and still to this day reminds me to do it when i'm sick) which is what originally sparked the idea for this

when i'd initially started this wip, i didn't expect it go this way. usually i write with my brain, but i think i wrote this one with my fingers working faster than i can think hsjhsj so sorry if it's kinda out of place lmao but yk what? i'm happy with it still even though i feel like it doesn't have my usual quality.

thanks for reading.

#—🖋 #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗ #astronetwrk #genshin x reader #alhaitham x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #alhaitham x you #genshin x you #emotional blabbering ahead in the tags beware #this is hitting me in a place i didn't know existed hjsjs #like. i haven't lost anyone but i have lost my life as i know it? #this past year was full of so many endings and i've been struggling in some way everyday #like i didn't know that the last time i saw my friends would truly be the last time we ever saw each other #i didn't know that i'd be bidding goodbye to my parents as i left home through an airport #ANYWAY ENOUGH DUMPING. ig i'm just telling you to hug the people you love tighter and cherish every moment you spend with them #time goes by really quickly and you don't know where it'll go #ily guys #ew barf feelings </3 /j

[tiredmamaissy]

hey 👋

i think this is the longest i've been gone. i missed you all a lot. i've been writing this entire time, and wanted to finish the last (for now, it’s definitely not completed) two chapters of the ralak series before officially coming back. i didn't want to come back without some sort of peace offering (lol how could i come back empty handed?) and i don’t want to leave you guys hanging again, gotta give some sort of closure to this series!

i'm almost finished, but i felt like i needed to come on here and explain myself.

i've been really struggling with my mental lately. it's just been pretty bad, to be frank. and when i get like this, i find it extremely difficult to juggle all that life entails, and will typically neglect certain aspects of it just to get by. unfortunately, this, and my social life, have taken the biggest hit. i find it hard to keep in touch regularly with friends, and i end up just retreating into my shell. motivation becomes little, or nothing at all.

i don't want to go into too much detail, but i've found myself between a rock and a hard place. i don't feel like i have many options in my current situation. i feel trapped. i suppose i've felt this way for the past few years, but it's just been pretty bad recently. issy has been an escape for me. i created a ‘new’ identity, one that i could unapologetically be myself. no face to the name type of thing. i fell in love with pandora, yearning to go there. and suddenly, my ideal world--my ideal everything was at my fingertips.

when i first started, the feeling of regaining my identity after so many years was exhilarating. i put many, many things on the back burner to immerse myself into this feeling and this world. quicker meals, shorter showers, later bedtimes. i did any and everything to dedicate as much time as i could muster up to hold onto this new identity. i could feel myself becoming happier, slipping back into who i was before i lost her.

but life just happens. you know? it continued, and it did so ten-fold. it was one thing after the next, and soon my plate was so full that i had to take something off of it. i guess i'm used to choosing myself to neglect first, so i told myself i'd put this off until i could get through this and then come back. so i did, and i came back. then life happened again. so i left, and came back.

but this time around life hit me hard. i felt like i was playing a game on the hardest difficulty, with a half a life, no pauses, and no way to exit safely. i'm still playing that game, but i've realised that i should really try to make the most of it. so i've been writing in what time i have. it's been one of my biggest escapes and it makes me happy that i can share it, and see that others enjoy what my silly brain comes up with.

i'm ready to come back, but i'm honestly still really overwhelmed with life. i really, really don't want to disappoint anyone…and i can't promise that i won't leave again anytime soon. i never want to leave. and honestly, i don't think i'll ever really leave for good. i will forever love avatar, and all that it’s done for me for the past 14 years. i guess i’m just trying to say… thank you all for your patience and love.

okidoki, let me stop here while i can lol.

ill be posting the chapters as soon as i'm done with them, ofc. i love you guys!! i’m heading to bed and will try to clear out my inbox and dm’s asap

-issy 💜

[mapileonxputellas]

Pride and Joy (Mapi Leon x Reader)

Ok I just had to write something for this! Only small but I've hopefully got an Aitana or Alexia fic coming up next. 1.5k words x

It had been branded around in the media so many times over the past few years, you get asked the question all the time in press conferences and journalists all over the world have their opinion on it.

Does winning get boring? Does lifting trophies ever lose its appeal?

The answer, for you at least, was a resounding no.  

Every year the league and the whole of Europe strengthened and every year you felt prouder and prouder of the team. As vice-captain to Alexia you had spent most of the year as captain as well as being the main striker and this season you definitely felt the most pressure on you.

At 2-0 down you never lost hope, you’d been a part of the team last year and you were determined to not let it be the same this year.

Alexia was one of your best friends and you liked to think the two of you worked well as a captaincy team, she was the bad (though not very bad) cop to your good cop. You went around all the players giving them a little pep talk before Bruna and Vicky bombarded you up in their own hug.

“Keep going Y/N. It’ll come.” Though no-one wanted to admit it, you all had favourites on the team and you had taken both Vicky and Bruna in as your little sisters.

Patri was probably your best friend in the squad and you couldn’t have been more pleased to see her get the recognition she deserves with the two goals, when the first one went in so quickly after half time you knew you were going to go and win it. This team never gave up and just like that you were winning.

You couldn’t believe it when the ball came to you. It seemed to spend hours at Mariona’s feet, bouncing around the box before falling at your feet. You’d spent all year waiting for this moment, from the disappointment of the Euro’s to the injury struggles around the team and all them thoughts went into you thundering that ball so hard there was never any chance of it not ending up in the back of the net.

In the blink of an eye the net rippled and you had no thought but to run into the corner and celebrate with the fans. You tried to take in the moment, all your teammates around you as the fans went wild in the stands but all you could do is connect eyes with the woman you loved the most in the world and share a smile together, your pinkies interlocking in the midst of all the craziness.

Before taking your place in the other half you quickly made your way over to the bench, finding Bruna and Vicky on the bench and giving them both a hug. “Thanks girls.”

Added time seemed to go on forever, the seven minutes felt like seven hours but then the final whistle went and it was even better than you could ever remember.

What made the celebrations even more special was celebrating it with Mapi, your wife. Affection between the two of you on the pitch was very limited, you may have an arm around each other at the end of some matches but today it felt different. The two of you shared an embrace at full time and you couldn’t help but press a small kiss on her lips, wishing you could savour the smile on her face forever.

“You’re fucking incredible Maria.” You told your wife. “This is incredible.”

“Third best day of my life.”

“Te amo.” You whispered.

“Te amo.”

The two of you had got together shortly after she moved to Barcelona and this was your sixth season playing with her. A lot had changed in that time, you’d got married, shared countless moments together but the biggest change was stood in the stands watching as Alexia lifted the trophy once again and shared the trophy around.

“I’m going to go and get her.” You whispered to your wife, pressing a subtle kiss to her cheek before making your way to the side lines where your families were both stood. You gave both your mother’s a quick greeting before your father passed over your bundle joy, the one thing that got you through the countless hard moments in football.

“Mama, won.” Your daughter cheered in your arms. “Ma?”

“Let’s go and get her.”

Your daughter, though shielded from the media as much as possible, attended as many games as possible with either of your families. Elena was just over 2 years old and she’d changed your life in every way but it made moments like this even more special. She was a regular at training sessions and team outings so it was no surprise that when the rest of the team saw you walking over with Elena in your arms they all broke into cheers.

After having her moment with Mapi, which nearly brought you both to tears, Elena was passed around the team like a hot potato. Everyone wanting their moment with the team’s unofficial mascot.

You were soaking in the moment with Mapi when someone from the TV station approached you both. “Can we grab you both for an interview?”

It wasn’t unusual for you to give interviews together, though you were both focused on the football you had given the occasional interview on your life together and both heavily campaigned for women’s and LGBTQ+ rights. You both agreed and left Elena in the capable hands of Caro, who was keeping an eye on her as Claudia tried to persuade her to make angels in the confetti with her, before making your way over to the interviewer.

“Y/N and Mapi thank you for joining us, congratulations. What was the mood like at half time when you were 2-0 down?”

“I don’t think any one of us thought we couldn’t win it, we were getting the chances but just missing that final touch or pass. We showed that class in the second half and I think we more than deserved the win.” You explained. “This is such an amazing team and we know we can beat anyone, I’m just so lucky I get to call this people my teammates.”

“Mapi she’s taken the team option, tell us about your wife with that winning goal.”

“I’m the lucky one, I get to call this one not only my teammate but my wife.” Mapi always had a way with words and you couldn’t help but blush as she wrapped her arm around your waist. “All she needed was that one moment and I knew when it fell to her it would end up in the back of the net.”

“How does this compare to two years ago?”

“It’s very different.” You answered. “That was our first time winning it and getting over that hurdle but it feels so much more satisfying winning it in front of our amazing fans. We couldn’t do this without them and I’m glad we could provide them with the win and a bit of entertainment.”

“We had to show our desire today, I think everyone can see how much this means to us and how much we wanted it. Sometimes that makes it just the bit more satisfying.” Mapi explained.

You were about to get the final question when you felt hands tugging at your shorts and looked down to find Elena between you both. In some situations you may have wanted to shield her but you wanted to celebrate as a family and Mapi must have felt that too and she picked her up onto her hip as you assured Caro it was alright.

“Plus we now have this one to celebrate it with.” Mapi added.

“What is it like having your daughter in the stands watching?”

“Incredible, we do it all for her. We’re so lucky to have this team with us and they support us every single day. Yeah I just want to do her proud and I hope we’ve done that today.”

“Elena do you have any words to say?” The interviewer pointed the mic at your daughter who in her usual confident self almost fell out of Mapi’s hands trying to reach for it.

“Barca, Barca, Barca.” She chanted making all the production crew and yourselves burst out in laughter as she recited the chant Mapi had been teaching her.

“Who’s your favourite player Elena?”

They were probably expecting her to say one of you two but you knew she wouldn’t do that. She went back and forward every week picking whoever had given her the most attention in training that week. “Tana.” She chose this time.

“Very good, thank you all.”

“Thanks.” You both said before walking off to find all your teammates behind you.

“I love you both.” You whispered placing a kiss on both of their heads. “Thank you so much.”

“No thank you.”

#mapi leon #mapi leon x reader #mapi leon imagines #mapi leon imagine #woso imagine #woso imagines #barcelona femeni #espwnt x reader #espwnt #woso #woso x reader

[themultifandomgal]

Kelly Severide- Finally

Kelly and I have been married for 3 years now. We met because of my brother Matt joining firehouse 51, then Kelly and I dated for many years before he proposed. Our wedding was a beautiful day and filled with so much love.

After a couple of years of marriage we decided that it would be time for us to start a family. Unfortunately this took a lot longer than expected. We even went to the doctors to find out if there was anything wrong. They just said that for some men and woman it can take longer and to come back in a year if we are still yet to conceive or if we struggle to carry full term.

Of course seeing negative after negative pregnancy test it really effects you mentally. So we stopped taking pregnancy tests so regular. We will only take one if I think I could be pregnant.

I wake up feeling off like I've drank to much. Headache and nausea. Rolling over I place my hand on Kelly's side of the bed, but I'm greeted by the bed being cold. That's when I remember that Kelly had to head off to work early this morning. I groan sitting up, my head spinning as I do, I swallow dryly feeling so ill. Slowly I crawl out of bed and go into the bathroom to get myself ready for the day. Thankfully I work from home so I don't have to go out anywhere.

I'm typing on my laptop when I have to quickly run to the bathroom to throw up. Which weirdly makes me feel immediately better. I clean my teeth getting rid of the nasty taste in my mouth and go back to my work.

I spend the next few hours working, but when my day of work ends I'm absolutely exhausted so decide to take a nap before Kelly comes back home.

This goes on for the next few days which does make me wonder if I could be pregnant. So while Kelly is at work I route around in one of the draws for some pregnancy tests that I bought months ago. When I find them I pee on the sticks and leave them on the back of the toilet before going back to work.

I forget about the tests for a couple of hours before I have to go to pee again. I pick them up not thinking that it will be positive, but when I see the little plus sign on all of the tests I am shocked. This is the first time I've ever gotten a positive pregnancy test, but still not wanting to get Kelly to excited I want to make sure that this is true. So that day I ring up my doctors and book an appointment for the next day. However I'm going to have to sneak out because Kelly is off.

The following day I wake up in Kelly's arms making me smile. I turn around to face him and brush some hair out of his face making him sigh and pull me closer

"Morning" he says in his gruff morning voice

"Morning" I reply placing a kiss on his lips "what have you got planned for today?" I ask

"I'm staying home and cuddling you all day. I've missed you" I giggle at his reply

"I've missed you to, but I've go a couple of jobs to do this morning"

"Like?"

"Well I have to go to the bank, then pop to the grocery store"

"I'll come with you"

"No" I say way to quickly causing Kelly to frown "I just mean it's going to be boring and you've been working really heard the past few days. Why don't you sleep in" Kelly frowns not buying what I'm selling

"What's going on?"

"Ok you caught me. I am actually getting you a surprise but I'm not telling you what it is so you'll have to wait"

"Ok? Why?"

"Will you stop asking me questions. Go back to sleep I won't be to long" I place a kiss on Kelly's lips before getting up and getting dressed.

So I'm pregnant! I run to the store and buy a gift bag, some dippers, wipes and baby bottles. I then head back home with all of the 'gifts' in the bag and head into the house

"I'm home!" I call out and Kelly is quick to greet me with a smile. He wraps me up in his arms causing me to giggle at his affection "go sit down for your surprise" he eagerly leaves my side and sits down on the couch still with a wide grin on his face "ok close your eyes" I say and he does. I place the bag on his lap and tell him to open. He puts his hand in and the first thing he pulls out are the packets of wipes

"Baby wipes? You trying to tell me to wipe my ass or something?"

"No. Keep going" next he pulls out the baby bottles. He frowns taking out the box of diapers. He looks at me still frowning, but a look of realisation crosses his face as I keep smiling at him

"Are you...? Are we...?"

"Yes. I'm pregnant" Kelly is up in an instant and spins me around then kisses all over my face

"I love you so much!"

"I love you to Kel"

"I'm going to be a dad"

"Yes you are. We're finally getting what we wanted"

#one chicago #one chicago imagine #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire #kelly severide x wife #kelly severide x oc #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide x yn #kelly severide imagine #kelly severide

[munsonownsmyass]

Movie night

Zach Wellison x reader

Warnings: none, really. Just some fluff and some pining idiots.

Notes: This is my first time writing for Zach, so I'm not sure if I've nailed his character. But I do really love him, so I'm really happy that @boliv-jenta asked for a Zach fic 😁

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Words: 936

”Are you sure you want to do this?” Zach asks, his voice laced with concern. Always so worried, but your mind is made up. You really wanted this and there was nothing he could do to change your mind.

“I’m sure.” you give him a determined nod.

“Alright. You set the movie up, I’ll get the snacks and drinks.” Zach gives you a sweet smile, shaking his head as he walks away. He had a hard time understanding why you’d want to purposely make yourself scared.

Maybe it was silly, but there just was something about horror movies that drew you in. Not that you had watched many in the past, but after Zach became your roommate, it happened more frequently. Knowing he was there made it easier to watch them.

In the living room is a pull-out couch which always comes in handy on movie nights. You guys would make a little bed full of pillows and blankets, turn of the lights and of course get snacks. You have just finished setting it up, when Zach comes back and put the stuff on the little tray table you brought just for nights like this.

“Which one is it today?” He asks softly, eyeing your little setup with a smile.

“The Conjuring. I’ve heard it’s good. Apparently based on real events, which just makes it more scary.” You chuckle, putting on a brave face, but Zach looks right through it. So he just smiles softly and sit down, patting the couch beside him.

It doesn't take much more than 15 minutes before you slowly inch closer to Zach. He puts his arm on the backrest, just waiting for the first real jumpscare and like he predicted, you scream and nuzzle into his side.

“That didn’t take long.” Zach chuckles, gaining a slap on the gut from you.

“I hate you.” You mumble with a grin, focusing on the screen again.

“No, you don’t.” Zach smiles, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. And he’s right. You could never hate Zach. Quite the opposite, actually. Not that you’d ever tell him, though.

For now, you just settle for snuggling closer to him, letting his arm fall around you, his hand landing on your midsection.

“Oh shit!” You squeal and quickly bury your face in Zach’s chest. He just chuckles and squeeze you a little tighter, knowing this would happen again. “Don’t laugh. Aren’t you scared?”

“No, sweetheart. I’ve seen worse.” Zach grins and take a sip of his beer. While pulling you a little closer to him, Zach looks down. He’d never admit it if you asked, but he loved whenever you wanted to watch horror movies, because you always ended up like this. Snuggled into his side, needing him to protect you.

Ever since the day you met, you offering a struggling guy a meal, Zach had liked you. Too sweet for your own good, kinder than most and funny. You never once saw him as a homeless guy, just someone you had things in common with.

And now you were here, a year later, roommates and he was madly in love with you. He wouldn’t risk saying anything, afraid you wouldn’t feel the same and things would turn awkward, so he settled for this. Horror nights with you hiding in his nook.

When the end credits finally roll over the screen, you breathe a sigh of relief. It was finally over. But it really hadn’t been too bad, since Zach was there.

“It’s getting late. Maybe we should-”

“No!” You interrupt Zach, giving him a pleading look. “I... I need to see something fun before I can sleep. Please?”

How could he resist your puppy eyes? Zach just chuckles, kissing the top of your head. “Alright, sweetheart. But only if I can choose what to see now.”

You don’t remember much more after that. Zach put on a Disney movie, but which one didn’t matter. What mattered was you in Zach’s arms, the place where you always felt safe.

You wake up sometime during the night, needing to pee. But as you try to get up, Zach squeeze you tighter, mumbling for you not to go. “Got to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” You grin and make it quick.

Returning to the pullout bed, Zach instantly pull you into his embrace again. Night like these were gold to him too, having close always made him calmer, would keep the nightmares at bay.

“This is nice.” He mumbles as you settle in close, not fully awake. 

“No other place I'd rather be.” You reply, feeling flustered as his hand comes to rest on top of yours. Daring to look up, you meet his gaze. Those beautiful chocolate eyes finding yours in the dim light.

For what seems like an eternity, you just look softly at each other, no words needed. Zach is the first to break the silence.

“I like you.” He says with a hint of worry in his voice, worried you won't say it back.

“I like you too, Zach.” And then, you do something you never thought you'd be brave enough to do. Cupping his cheek, you lean in closer and kiss him softly. Just a quick, sweet kiss, but it still manages to set your body on fire.

Zach’s heart beats so fast he fears it might burst through his chest. Happiness isn't a strong enough word to describe what he's feeling right now, finally having kissed you.

For the first time in a long time, you've made him feel peace. Finally, he feels at home.

I'm not really sure who to tag in this. So I'm sorry for the unsolicited tags. Please feel free to ignore 😅❤️

@absurdthirst @wardenparker @pascalslittlebrat @littlemisspascal @nicolethered @musings-of-a-rose @thirstworldproblemss @storiesofthefandomlovers @pedrito-friskito @scorpio-marionette

#zach wellison x reader #zach wellison #zach wellison fanfiction

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 17

♡ Chapter Inspo: Too Sweet - Hozier ; "You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape."

♡ Summary: Winnie & Carmy attend one of their first full family functions as a couple, & Carm is anxious as shit that Donna will pop up.

♡ W/C: 10,217

♡ Posted Date: 04/16/2024

♡ A/N: WOW It has been a second since TB&HH got some love but we are so back!! I am actually really excited about this chapter! It is very long as you see, and It took a few times of scrapping & rewriting, and then I finally just said fuck it and did what I wanted to do LOL. I have been writing so much SydCarmy i've been achingg for some loveydovey Winnie & Carmy so here I am! As per usual requests are open for SydCarmy, CarmyxReader - anything really!

♡ Warnings for BTC: SmutSmutSmut (breeding kinks mentioned, car sex) - Swearing, Fluffy mush, Smoking cigarettes, talks of alcoholism, drinking

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

Carmen and I had made it official 3 months ago now, and we were just as happytogether and obsessed with each other as the day we’d met. Today was the day that Natalie’s younger daughter, Briana or Bee as the family lovingly calls her would be getting Christened since she was officially a year old last week. 

When I returned last month from nannying in The Hamptons, Carmen had taken an entire week off permitted by Sydney being back in perfect health - and we fucked and ate and did whatever we wanted for the entire week before I had to get back to work. It was fair to say we had missed each other terribly and he’d told me I ‘wasn’t allowed to abandon him like that ever again’ even if it meant he had to pay all of my bills. 

I huffed frustratedly, my fingers beginning to cramp up from trying so many times to clasp on my simplistic gold St. Christopher medallion with my long french tips that Carmen had been insisting on paying for every 2 weeks.  

“Bear! I need help!” I called out to him where he was in the bathroom ‘borrowing’ my gel to relax his frizzy curls that he had no time to blowdry this morning. 

“what‘sup honey?” He asked as soon as I called, coming out to the bedroom where I was stood in front of my full-length mirror struggling to clasp my jewlery.

This is how he’d been for the past 2 months or so, I call, and he answers nearly faster then I can finish my request.

It didn’t matter what he was doing, not if we were in the kitchen (he did get a bit huffy if it was extra busy, but never mean, never ever mean.) But if we were at home? It was almost scary how fast he came to my call. I had even filmed a TikTok- jokingly saying- 

“My man will blindly do whatever I ask of him- watch- it’s weird as fuck- but it’s super cute. He will literally toss out whatever he’s doing and do what I say. I think he’s over in the living room drawing right now- but watch…he’s gonna shove all his colored pencils n’ shit right in his case and barrel over here like a puppy. Watch this. -”  I stepped into the hallway and flipped the camera “ oh - and he’s gonna say ‘I’m sorry’ cause he wasn’t here the second I asked him.” I whispered before calling- “ LLLLOVER?! What’re y’doin’s? Mon Ours?!” (My Bear?) down the hallway.  ‘Huuuh???’ he called back ‘WHAT’RE Y’DOING LOVE?’ I called louder. I heard wooden pencils tinkling together and muttered curses for a few moments before he appeared at the end of the hall, coming up to me “Wha?” he asked, “M’sorry honey- I couldn’t hear over the TV-“  “What are you doing?” I asked “Uhhh…drawing? Why?” He asked “need something?” “No” I shrugged, leaning against the doorframe. “Can you put it away?” I asked.  “Oh- sure gimme’ sec” he walked off to the living room for a few moments and I flipped the camera back to me,  “See he just does what I ask him to do what is this?! He just listens he’s the best listener-“ I whispered being interrupted by him asking “Hey Honey? D’you mean like away away?” He called  “No just put up. come here” I called and he comes back to me, kissing my head  “Are Y’Hungry? D’ya need y’r water filled? What day is it again? I didn’t forget plans did I?” he checked his phone and I rolled my eyes playfully  “I just wanted kisses” I puckered my lips  He gratefully partook, kissing my lips before pecking all over my face. “Did you get your period and are just needy for love and kisses or Is this a test?” I hit end on the recording, embarrassed by his stupidly good intuition. 

It had gotten nearly 4 million views, and he was baffled as to why - when I explained the likely reason to him, he could barely understand that a lot of boyfriends didn’t give a shit about their girlfriends needs- at least to the level he does, so the way girls were thirsting after him in my comment section was new to him, and slightly overwhelming for me because it had been weeks and likes and comments were still pouring in, and there were lots of people that knew who he was. I had gotten at least 100 comments reading ‘is that like- THE Carmen Berzatto? Just…chilling in your house?!’

It was also kind of annoying because people kept asking to see him now since they either thought he was hot or they wanted him to talk about cooking, but I’d never ask him to. He isn’t my show pony, I know he’s hot and talented and smart and amazing and my absolute everything - and I’d love nothing more than to share all of that with the people who we’re asking, but I knew for a fact he didn’t like being on camera and wouldn’t be comfortable knowing 300 thousand people were gonna be seeing it- and possibly many, many more. 

He thought it was sweet and funny that after when I told him I pranked him or more specifically, giggly telling him ‘you got-got bear, I got you so good’ that me ‘pranking’ him was asking him to put away his colored pencils and kiss me for the sake of it - when in culinary school his ‘friends’ idea of a prank was to dull out all of his knives so he’d have to spend nearly the whole day resharpening them and failing an assignment because of it.  

 “Oh, that? Here honey gimme” he takes the ends of the dainty chain from my fingers, standing behind me and clasping it easily before adjusting the charm gently to the middle before and kissing the top of my head. “Y’nails’re too long f’that Angel” he muttered, looking at the necklace in the mirror and rubbing over my lower stomach lovingly.  

He did that move a lot ever since he started getting more comfortable when we made things official. Especially when he knew I was ovulating during sex. It drove me absolutely insane  - he loved to do it while saying something along the lines of;

 ‘Y’want me t’fuck y’full pretty girl? Yeah? You wanna show everyone y’mine honey? Who you belong to princess? Are y’gonna have my babies? Mmm? Say it— Y’love it when I fuck y’like this, like a fuckin’ cat in heat. Ye’- is that it? Are you a filthy little fuckin animal? My pretty little pet?’

While he fucked me absolutely brainless. Before I went to my nanny gig, one day he peered over my shoulder while I was reading one of my fantasy books and saw the words mating press - he was immediately interested and very shyly asked what it was, before asking me to help show him what he needed to do to help me achieve that very position.

Surprisingly- after I had explained what the position was for in the books- it was the first time he didn’t quite literally leave or get overly anxious about the thought of us having children - even if it was just purely dirty talk. He just once again made sure that I was on birth control, and from there it became one of our very favorite positions. 

I’d never fucked a man before that made me promise to have his babies someday before cumming in me as deep as he could and rubbing over my extremely vacant womb due to being so pussy-drunk. All while whispering how pretty I’d be swollen with his seed- worshiping me like I’d already been carrying the child- muttering about how hot it would be if I were to be all big-bellied carrying his baby. Maybe it was his kink? Surely it was just a kink and it was the moment talking not his actual desires. 

It must be- because he’d been so adamant just a few months ago that he was ‘absolutely sure’ he didn’t want children so badly we nearly got into an argument over it when I asked him to just think about it outside of the realm of me. So he likely was simply turned on by the thought of a ‘nuclear domestic life’ just like any other person is. 

“Thank you, you look so nice, Bear. I can’t wait until it’s over though cause I wanna touch your hair. Can’t though cause it has all the stuff in it” I said, turning around and gently pushing back the stray sticky curl that had fallen out of place and was laying on his forehead adorably. 

“Mm Church isn’t my favorite pastime cause I have to have all the bullshit on. but you look…” he takes me in slowly, his hand sliding down over the curve of my waist. “Fuckin perfect. Can’t believe y’mine baby” he leans in for a kiss “wait- this stuff, can I kiss you?” He alludes to my lipstick which was likely about the same shade of red as my cheeks now due to his compliments. 

“Find out” I said and pulled him by his jacket, kissing him deeply. He hummed, squeezing my bum and pulling my hips into his, squeezing them gently. 

He was always extra careful to ask when I had makeup on and was getting ready to go out, that he could kiss me without messing anything up. He would sit and watch me do my makeup when going out for girls nights, so was very understanding and appreciative of the effort and time that went into it. He would help me pick out eyeshadow colors sometimes, but his favorite part was when I did lipstick. He tells me it ‘changes everything’ which makes me giggle, because that’s exactly what my grandma says. 

I pull away after a few moments, “how’s the makeup?” I tease, checking in the mirror. “Lady Gaga knows what she’s doing babe” I gently dab below my lip with my beauty blender where he had gotten some of my foundation by mistake in the heated lip to lip transaction. 

“The same one that did the poker face song?” He asked and I laugh a bit 

“If that’s all you know her by then we still  have a lot to learn about pop culture. But yes, the Gaga baby” I fixed up my lipliner a bit and he watched me in the mirror as I meticulously did so. 

“Mm I remember that and the weird meat dress. Fuck you look amazing baby here lemme see” he turns me around when I put the pencil down, gently brushing my fringe from my eyes. “You are so beautiful baby, fuckin’ breathtaking” he kissed my forehead gently. 

I smiled, holding his hands in mine and squeezing gently “you look very handsome baby, so handsome” I adjusted his tie and kissed his jaw gently. My alarm went off for 6:45 signaling it was time for us to leave, the sound causing me to jump a bit before I giggle shyly “Sorry. We’d better go” I grabbed my purse, making sure I had everything i’d need for the day. 

“Y’still wanna get coffee honey?” He asked as he put his dress shoes on. 

I nod “yeah- if I can get these stupid shoes on with this dress in time” I sat down on the bed slipping my foot in and trying to buckle the stupid tiny buckle with my nails, they were super pretty and Carm loved the scratches he got with them, but in terms of tiny things I always found myself struggling. 

“Here-“ he knelt in front of me “Hold this Honey” he hands me the hem of my dress and I pulled it up for him. He carefully adjusted the straps so they were straight, before buckling it “that good? Y’want ‘em tighter?” He asks and I shook my head 

“No- no. Thank you it’s perfect baby” I offer my other foot to him and he repeated the process. “You’re the best, Carmy, really. Sorry I keep needing your help when I go out” I said, kissing his cheek gently before he got up. 

“Can’t blame yourself baby those things are… ridiculous. I dunno how they’re comfortable” he outstretched his hand to help me up. 

I took it and kiss his lips lovingly once he pulled me up. “They aren’t. They just look pretty” I grab my purse once more, spraying on my perfume. “Now we’re ready” I said with a smile.

We got to the church with 5 minutes to spare before the service started, so we were able to find the back row where Richie, Eva, some random blonde that I’d assumed must be Eva’s mom, Syd, Fak, Natalie, and Pete, both of them with a kid in their lap were sitting. 

Sugar spotted us first “Oh! Yay! You made it sweetheart how are you? You look so beautiful” she smiled 

“Oh my gosh no way you all look so cute I love her little dress ohhh my gosh Carmy look at her!” I said happily 

“Yeah - Hey, Uh- Moms not-“ Carmy asked her quietly. 

“Bear - “ she almost laughed “She isn’t around until she can prove to me she's sober again” she said before turning to Fak who was sat next to her. “Honey, move down please! Look at all that row sweetheart” she nudged him with her elbow. 

“Hi Winnie the Pooh” Fak said, sliding down enough for Carm and I to squeeze in next to sugar.

“Hey Neil! Hope you’re well it’s nice to see you.” I sit down next to Carmy, crossing my legs.

“So is she your girlfriend yet?” He asked Carmy, nudging his shoulder gently. 

Carmy sighed deeply. “Yes, yes Fak. She’s my girlfriend. And we’re at church buddy. So it’s quiet time yeah?” He asked and I couldn’t help but stifle a giggle how he took after Sugars tone with him. 

“Thanks Winnie nice to see You too- Your dress is pretty” he told me and I smiled 

“Aww! Thanks bestie. Love the suit you look snappy” I said and held Carmys hand, kissing it gently. 

“It’s great t’see you guys!” Syd waves and I lean forward to see her better - But Carmy didn’t even say anything.

I look at him, seeing he was totally not here. “babe” I ask and he breaks his spaced out gaze on the large stained glass window up front and looked at me.  

“Mm?” He looks over at me. I rubbed his hand gently. 

“Everything okay sweets?” I asked softly and he nodded a bit.

“Talk ‘bout it later” he said and squeezed my hand gently. 

“Okay…” I said and hooked our arms together before relacing our fingers. 

I watched as he went back to staring at the same stained glass window, and resumed that way throughout the entire service unless we were participating in something. 

It worried me a bit, it seemed like he was disassociating - as to avoid what I wasn’t sure.

When we got back to the car I crossed my legs, buckling my seatbelt quietly and holding my purse in my lap. “What’s goin on baby?” I asked. 

He shrugged, shaking his head a bit and starting the car. “Nothin.” He said plainly 

“Mmm.” I mutter. “Funny cause you said we’d talk about it later” I said casually, pulling down the visor mirror on my side, reapplying my lipliner. 

“Talkin ‘bout it now. And I said- nothin” he said shortly, starting the van and backing out of the parking spot. 

“Ahhh of course because saying “nothings wrong” would have been too easy so instead- you added 3 extra words to tell me we’d talk about it now?” I pushed, carefully lining below my bottom lip. 

“D’you ever drop anything?” He asked, annoyance lacing his tone. 

“Mmm- no. I don’t..” I grinned teasingly 

“It’s none of y’fuckin concern that’s what it is.” He said, rolling the window down and lighting a cigarette as we pulled up to a stoplight. 

“Ohhh! Meeeeowww!” I teased, fishing my phone out of my purse. “Someone’s in a sour mood.” I tut, “I never got the invite to your pity party- did you forget about me lovey?” I teased. 

He rolled his eyes, gripping the steering wheel with his right hand. “You love pushing my fuckin’ buttons.” He muttered before taking a drag. 

“I loooove it. You know, you’ve yet to rage fuck me yet. Which is surprising- you’re 90% rage, and I’ve only gotten the 10% of soft.” I said, running my hand up his thigh until I got to his bulge, slowly stroking it over in his slacks. 

“You couldn’t fucking handle it.” He said, grabbing my wrist. “Don’t fuckin test me.” He grumbled, flicking my hand into my lap and hitting the gas as the light turned green. 

“Oh- oh- is that a challenge, Bear. You think I can’t take you? That I - can’t take you?” I scoffed, dropping my phone in the cup holder. “I find that a little rude. Where have your manners gone?” I drag my nails over the inside of his thigh, smiling to myself as his breath hitches.  I knew he was stuck in a loop about something negative- and since he didn’t want to talk about it- he likely needed to fuck about it. It was a system we’d created- kind of an unspoken one. But he would ruminate, and brood like a big baby - if I couldn’t coax it out of him with my words, he’d probably been so pent up with nowhere to put it so he needed to release all those hormones before he could get it off his tongue. He always did, after a long day the pillow talk we had would usually be intense feelings of self-doubt and fear of the restaurant failing- even though it was never close to failing. He’s worried about who knows what and needs to escape with something he has that will remain consistent, and something very accessible- and that something usually happens to be me.

“I’m fuckin driving” he said, but his growing arousal beneath my palm begged for me to continue. 

“Mmhmmm? And?” I asked, gripping him firmly at the base of his cock that was prominently showing now. 

“Y’fuckin- Jesus Christ” he hissed, holding the steering wheel with a white knuckle grasp. “Such a little fuckin-“ he gasped lightly as I grip him tighter. 

“What” I goad. “What? Finish the sentence, Carmy.” I tease, running my thumb along the vein I’d already memorized, feeling his member jump in the grip of my hand at the action. 

“Dirty fucking whore.” He hissed, cheeks pink at the admission. 

I giggled. “Awww- it’s nice to finally hear you say it” I teased, dragging the edge of my nail along his rock hard head

“J-Just-” he swallowed thickly, eyes locked on the road, refusing to break to meet my gaze

“Juuuust” I goaded, adding pressure and he whimpered

“Y’re fuckin evil” he said through clenched teeth, swallowing thickly and shaking his head lightly. “I said I’m fuckin driving.” he repeated, hips involuntarily bucking up into my grasp.

“So?” I asked, gently dragging my thumb over his waistband “Did you want me to stop, Bear?” I asked and he inhaled sharply, slightly shaking his head. 

“Ohhhh-oh! So you like when i’m a dirty fucking whore for you?” I questioned, my hand stilling over his goosebump-ridden skin.

“Do what y’gonna fuckin do” he muttered, swallowing thickly. 

“Fine” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and pulling my skirt up my waist, slipping my panties and nylons down in one go after kicking off my heels into the footwell of the passenger side. 

“What’re you-“ he glanced over at me as I hiked my right leg up on the dashboard after pushing my seat back to lay down. 

“I’m doing what I’m gonna do. You said it yourself Bear - I’m a dirty fucking whore” I responded, angling myself so he could see and spreading myself out for him “so wet for you” I said in a sultry tone, gathering the sticky slick on my middle and forefingers, before bringing it right in front of his lips. 

“Don’t you love how dirty I am?” I teased, rubbing the sticky arousal on his bottom lip

He flicked his cigarette out the window and opened his mouth, taking my digits in and sucking them, humming in satisfaction at the taste “yeah I know you fucking love it. It’s why we’re perfect together you’re just as much a freak as I am” I said, pushing my fingers further and he widened his jaw wantingly. 

I gasped a bit as he bit down on my fingers “Such an animal” I giggle squeezing his cheeks and rubbing my spit slicked fingers down his chin when he released me 

“You really wanna go right now when I’m tellin you I’m not in a good mood?” He asked

“If you’re in the mood- I want you. Otherwise no thanks but I think you’d have said something before now” I pulled my dress out of the way of my core. “You aren’t gonna look? You always tell me how pretty I am baby” I gently spread my folds, rubbing my wet cold middle finger over my clit gently “mmm it’s so much better when you do it Carmy, don’t you wanna touch me?” I begged

He glanced over at me, tugging his lip between his teeth as he fans over my position, eyes trailing down to my pussy.. “You can come up with what we were doin’ since you wanna be so fuckin’ needy and can’t wait a few hours. Little sex demon” he said, slowing down and turning into a post office parking lot that was deserted due to it being a Sunday. 

“I wouldn’t be so needy if you didn’t look so angry and your arms didn’t look so good in that jacket” I said, crawling in the back and sitting on the floor excitedly 

“One second anger scares you the next it turns you on- I can’t fuckin figure you out” he said, shutting the van off and getting out of the drivers side, and quickly opening and shutting the back sliding door when he got in.. 

“Yelling scares me but I think being your little stress toy is sexy cause you appreciate it” I lay back when he took off his jacket, laying it down for me like a pillow.

“Whats the word?” he asked before kissing my neck with nipping, hot, wet kisses.

“First - gentle on the neck and leaving marks baby were gonna be with your family, and second orchid” I assured and he hiked up my skirt.

“Good Girl” he said and spread my legs open, his tattooed hand finding my soaked core immediately and dragging his middle and ring finger up the slick, rubbing over my clit with quick light circles making my toes curl .  

I gasped, already feeling like every nerve in my body was on fire. He had managed in our times together to memorize every single thing that made me creen in pleasure. He wanted me soaked before he’d barely even touched me, because that gave him the satisfaction of having memorized my body and the way it reacts to every little possible stimulation. 

“Your good girl” I breathed, tugging up my skirt higher so he can kiss over my stomach and hips how he usually did, during moments of intimacy he wanted to feel and taste every part of me I would let him - it felt more like worshiping if I was honest with myself, but when I thought about it I would get way too worked up. 

“That’s right princess” he gently nips on my skin. “How could I ever be rough w’you? Mmm? When y’so fuckin sweet? And so fuckin good f’me?” He hums, settling my thighs around his hips. 

I giggled, breaking up the gel in his hair as he kissed over my naval and hips, and gently massaging his scalp. His eyes fluttered shut in bliss, his kisses slowing before resting his forehead on my stomach and letting out a satisfied sigh at the action “Youre gonna have freshly fucked hair” I teased. 

“Don’t care. Mm keep touchin’ me please. Fuck baby-“ he rested his chin on my flesh looking up at me “I missed y’touchin me. So bad. Just touch me however you want” he begged, causing me to smile, a warm loving blush heating my cheeks. 

“You like when I touch you?” I gently caress his cheek and he leaned into it like a man starved. 

“I love it. I need it baby- really. I miss it so bad when y’cant.” He took my hand, kissing my palm. “I need you” he said softly. 

I swallowed hard, trying to relieve the growing lump in my throat and I cupped his cheeks lovingly. “I’m always here” I said softly and pulled him into a sweet messy wanting kiss 

I wrapped my arms around his back, gently playing with the hair at the base of his neck, smiling into his lips when I felt the goosebumps adorning his neck. “The reason we’re back here is cause I need you” I said sultrily in the shell of his ear, kissing his jaw gently. 

“I know ‘m sorry” he unbuttoned his pants and I cup his jaw bringing his attention back to me. 

“That’s not how I meant it bear” I said softly, gently moving his hands out of the way and unzipping them for him. “I love touching you, you know what right?” I asked as I untucked his shirt, gently running my hands up his toned stomach, feeling him lightly shiver beneath me 

“Uh- yeah…yeah- I do- I just sometimes feel like…I dunno. I ask f’r too much” he said quietly 

I rubbed over his abs, gently squeezing his hips and trailing my palms over his ribs beneath the loose fabric. “When do you ever even ask baby? I offer. I know you like it so I do it” I pull him closer, kissing the exposed bit of chest from the top 2 buttons being opened. 

“Is it weird when I do ask?” he questioned softly and I look up at him. 

“No. It’s not, it’s sweet and it’s healthy, Carm. It’s good to be loved” I gently kiss his neck and he guided me to lay, pushing himself free of his boxers and slacks, and lining himself up before gently pushing in. 

I moaned out, locking my legs around his waist and pulling myself closer to nudge him deeper inside, arching my hips and whining as I feel the tip of his cock right over that spongy spot that made me sob and shake with pleasure 

“You are fuckin greedy t’day Jesus Christ” he breathed, holding my hips for me “so fuckin pretty” he said as he pulls out halfway before rutting into that spot and I gasp sharply 

“Fuuuuck oh oh- you’re fucked” I whine to which he chuckled, a satisfied grin on his face. 

“You said you could handle this babe” he reminded, pushing in deeper but slowly as to not hurt me, resting his hand at the base of my stomach. “Fuuuck I love when y’let me have y’like this baby I can get so fuckin’ deep feel this” he said, taking my hand and resting it at the base of my stomach, slowly thrusting in. 

I felt the movement beneath my hand, my jaw slack and the most lewd pornographic noises coming from my chest “s-so- so big” I whined out dropping my head back in bliss and eyes fluttering shut 

“That’s right baby my good fuckin’ girl- my fuckin girl. Y’take me so fuckin well princess like Y’re fuckin made for me ye? Like y’re made t’take my fuckin’ cock? Mm? Made f’me to fill with my cum?” He asked as he started the relentless pace. 

I couldn’t even think - I just nod quickly in response “made f-uckkk yes- yesyesyesyes made for you I’m yours” I slurred, reaching down and rubbing my clit causing me to clench around him tightly 

He grunted, looking down and watching my fingers spreading around his cock as I rubbed myself “yeah? Y’like bein’ mine? Mmm? Y’like that I fuckin own this pussy? So goddamn greedy - needin’ me t’fill you up twice already today and it's not even lunch” He thrusts harder causing my back to arch sharply

Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes now at the waves of pleasure that were so intense the air around us felt like it was crackling with electricity.  I opened my eyes once more to find his gaze locked on my cunt, mesmerized by the thick white strings of arousal sticking to the base of his cock before snapping as he thrusted in and out. 

“Mmm isn’t it so fucking pretty were so pretty together baby” I moved my fingers faster, sitting up on my other elbow and nearly collapsing again at the new pleasure it brought. 

“Woah” he noticed, quickly wrapping an arm around my back and my head drops back to meet his gaze as he stopped thrusting 

“Fuck me oh my god fuck me- I- can you please? My- my knees can’t touch the floor my thighs are too short when I’m up on your lap you’re right i’m so fucking greedy for you I need you please fill me up please claim me”” I said in a needy tone, my breath rapid and uneven. 

“You are going to be the death of me” he groaned, holding the backs of my thighs and sitting me up on his hips with his palms on my ass, before leaning on the back wall of the van and thrusting up into me, hard and fast.

My eyes nearly rolled back before closing, my jaw slack with pleasure. I nodded quickly, tears spilling over my cheeks as he continued. Fireworks and stars float behind my eyes and I clutch the seat next to us with a white knuckle grasp to have some tether to my body. 

“So fuckin pretty” he grunted, fucking up into me harder “y’want me to fill this pretty pussy up? Mmm? Y’want me to fuckin make sure y’drippin the rest of the day? My little whore” he kissed my neck roughly and I couldn’t even warn him before my hips were shaking and my core was squeezing and releasing around him in a way that told him I’d reached my peak. 

My whole body felt waves of heat rushing through, everything felt so good it was starting to feel painful but I couldn’t ask for him to stop- I wouldn’t. I had never felt so good before, physically, mentally, emotionally. I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. The words fell out of me before I’d even registered the thought wasn’t just a thought, and was really coming out of my mouth. 

“I fucking love you” I cried out. 3 months. Three. That was it. That was all I’d had of him, and I’d known I’d loved him for probably 2 of those months. And had bitten my tongue and avoided the issue and successfully evaded his weird roundabout questions that would allude to me being in love with him until now. So if he didn’t feel the same, this was all we had, and all and would ever get. 

“Shit. Say it. Say it again baby been wantin’ it so fuckin’ long now” he rasped. I opened up my eyes, looking up at him to see his gaze was locked on me, like I had hung the sun in the sky just for him. 

“I love you Carmen.” I said honestly and he moaned, resting his forehead on mine, looking into my eyes. I smelt his minty breath mingling with mine, hot as it fanned my lips. 

“Yeah? Say it- fuck- say it one more time angel” he said, hips stuttering and thrusts becoming more sloppy. 

I cupped his cheeks, feeling as if we were the only 2 people left on earth and all we had was time.  “I fucking love you, bear” I said while looking into his eyes and he whined quietly, spilling into me so much that it began leaking out onto his thighs and the curve of my ass before he even pulled out and drawing me into a deep, fervent, wanting kiss, wrapping his strong arms around me and keeping his cock nestled deep inside as we exchanged hot, loving, messy kisses.

“Do you- do you really?” he asked when we pulled away to breathe, both of our chests moving up and down rapidly. 

I nodded, swallowing thickly “It- It slipped out…I didn’t mean to tell you like this - I wasn’t thinking- I know it scares you- I- I wont say it again if it-” he stops me by kissing me again, slipping his tongue over mine and wrapping me in a bear hug, leaning against the door and sucking on my tongue gently.

I hum in satisfaction, closing my eyes and letting him have me. “Say it whenever you want, please” he said softly when he finally pulled away. 

“You- you don’t think you can say it?” I asked, biting the inside of my lip nervously.

I had a feeling he was in love with me, but I’d been here before with someone and the L word scared them off. But the guy has been essentially living with me since we started seeing eachother - what else would that be!?

“No - No…honey thats not- I-I love you - ‘msorry, I thought you could… that you could tell what else should I do?” he asked and I smiled wide.

“Saying it was the only thing you were missing- oh and maybe coming home on time once in a while to show me you actually like being there- but nothing to be sorry for, I see you baby” I assured him, gently kissing his sticky sweaty cheek. 

I felt like I was in the most beautiful dream ever, There was nothing more that I wanted than him, and this.

He buried his face in my neck, sniffling softly and remaining quiet for a few minutes, before saying “We should go home and change, theres definitely cum all over that dress” he joked. His voice sounded slightly horse, and when I sat up to look at him he quickly wiped away a tear staining his cheek.

“I love you, and you don’t have to say it all the time baby - I’ll probably say it a lot more than you cause it’s just how I am, and I know you, and how you are. You show me with your actions how much you love me, and thats what I need. I know baby, I know you love me. I can tell you love me, every day” I wiped the stray tears from his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs, gently cupping his jaw. 

“How could you know if I never said it?” he asked and rested his hands on my lower back.

I took a deep breath, sighing softly as I thought with a small smile on my lips “Lets see… you always make me lunch- and dinner - you always watch shows I wanna watch, you actually listen to me when I talk about them- and notice things, and ask me questions. You always say thank you, even for small silly things like when I rub your hair, or when I make you your coffee. You compliment my crochet and costume making, and ask me about the books I read. You bring Persephone little toys and treats on the weekends when you have to hang out with her while I do inventory with Sadie. You always push yourself for me- even though I never ask you to, like bringing me flowers- or that time you bought my perfume because it was getting low and didn't say anything? You show me, Carmy. Every day, to be loved is to be seen. And you are always showing me that you see things about me that I didn’t notice you could even see because I thought I hid them well enough” I asked and he nodded a bit

“Now that you mention it… I guess I didn’t know what it meant, I knew I felt for you like- differently… then anyone before. But I felt like it would be too fair to call it love” he said and I pout a bit

“What do you mean, fair?” I asked and he rubs up my back gently with flat palms

“Fair to me. I didn’t think that something that felt so good could be love, that it was like- the universe fuckin’ w’me again. And something er someone  would take you away from me as soon as I called it love” he said and I gently kiss his chin, then lips, then the tip of his nose.

“Love can be scary, I keep waiting for me to do something and you just…turn. Like- like a monster or something. But it's not to do with you- because I can’t ever see you doing that, It’s just my past relationships scarred me so deeply that I'm just waiting. Like the day I dropped the cup at the restaurant, I thought you were gonna yell at me for some reason- even though you've never yelled at me. My ex would have yelled at me for hours over that- but you didn’t. You told me it was okay, and you cleaned it up and never rubbed it in my face or anything. That healed something in me, like- i’m not so scared to make a mistake around you anymore, cause it’s happened and you reacted healthily. So every time you think I'm going to leave, and I don't- it's going to heal a small part of a fear like that in you, and make this all alot less scary. At least- that's what my therapist says” I shruged a bit. 

“I’m glad it’s with you. Being in love.” he said softly, eyes fluttering shut as I gently brushed my fingers through his messy hair to look a bit more contained. 

I smiled, kissing his forehead gently “I’m glad too, Bear. I wouldn’t wanna love anyone else”

“Where the fuck have you guys been? Hey sweetheart- did you go back home and change?” Richie asks as we came in the kitchen.

I was baring a bouquet of flowers and Carmy was holding a 2 bottles of wine “sorry! Yeah my heels were bugging me it’s my fault” I said giving him a hug and he kisses my cheek

“You better not be pregnant yet the holidays are the worst time - also Richie will you quiet your loud mouth I just put Bee down” Natalie says as she comes by giving me a kiss on the cheek and ruffling Carm’s hair 

“Wine? Look at you Bear she’s turned you into a real adult- takin’ gifts to parties like a big boy” she teased, taking the bottles and he rolled his eyes 

“She’s not pregnant and you’re not funny” he took my hand, pulling me to him and rubbing my back gently.

That was another thing- the family now saw us as the next couple to get pregnant - even though we’d hardly been together a year - Because ‘they dont want our kids to be the only cousins being left out when the girls are older, I guess maybe I should take it as a good thing and being they’ve accepted me as one of theirs

“Let’s sneak t’the backyard before they can rope me in t’somethin yeah?” He whispered in my ear 

“Okay” I smiled, kissing his cheek gently and lacing our fingers together as he leads us towards the back door

“Hey! Carm I didn’t know you were coming who’s this?” An older man says and I turned around 

“I didn’t know you were comin’ hey Unc- this is my girlfriend, Winnie” he said and I smiled 

“Hi” I wave shyly to the older man. I’d never seen him before, Carmy did mention though he had been paying an Uncle Jimmy back for money Mikey had borrowed for the restaurant but no one else - so this must be him.

“Ahhhh okay, Hello Winnie - what a name. You are just a sweetheart, Is this one treatin’ you good? I can knock some sense into ‘em. You ever need anything you come find Jimmy okay?” he teased and I smiled a bit

“He is nothing short of lovely but I promise I’ll pass word if that ever changes and take you up on the offer” I joked and he smiled 

“She’s gonna fit in just fine here, Carm. Where’d you find this one?” He asked and Carm shrugged a bit. 

“Just. Around. Moms not coming is she?” Carmy asked and I looked up at him

“Who knows kid. She told me she’s off the bottle but- who knows” he said with a shrug and Carm nodded a bit. 

“Don’t tell ‘em where we went, please” he opened the back door, tugging me outside and shutting it behind us. 

“If my mom comes we’re leaving” he said and I crossed my arms. 

“You don’t want me to meet her but you love me?” I asked and he chuckled dryly.

He hadn’t spoken much about her, the most I’d known was that she’s a raging alcoholic- had driven a car through their family home at one point, but when Natalie had her first baby she cleaned up for about 6 months, then fell off again- and has been going months in addiction, then trying to clean up for a birthday or something like this, and the cycle maintains that way. 

He digs his cigarettes out of his jeans, pulling one out. “I don’t want you to meet her because I love you. Don’t pull that. Is that gonna be a fuckin’ card for you now because I was honest?” He stuck it between his lips and lit it.

I felt my stomach twist. He was already starting to fly off the handle and say things he didn’t mean. That little comment would absolutely be a deeper conversation when we did get home - because I didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“A card?” I scoff “what do you mean card. This isn’t a game, Carm, this is our lives, There are no cards.” I took a deep breath to try and regulate myself. “You don’t really talk about her. And I don’t want to push you- but what is it is she mean? Is it just that you think she’s gonna hate me?” I questioned and he rubbed over his forehead, exhaling smoke away from us.

“Winnie it’s not even- this isn’t even the fuckin place t’talk about it. No she’s not- she’s not fuckin mean she just has issues okay. And she - she fuckin yells it’s more for your sake, she’s all fuckin loud and I don’t want her freakin you out and - I— I just don’t want her showing up and if she does oh well, we’ll be gone before she knew we were here. I don’t even want her knowing about you. Not right now at least. Whenever we get married or whatever the fuck - sure I’ll tell ‘er, but before then she just has the potential of fucking this up” he said before taking a long drag of his cigarette. 

Of course. This was all leading back to his abandonment issues. Most of the issues in our relationship related back to my anxiety around death, and his anxiety around being left alone because he’s ‘not good enough’ in his mind. We couldn’t keep basing our relationship around fears or we’d never grow- so, I pushed.

“Your mom isn’t gonna scare me away. I don’t care if she is a screamer. My mom was a screamer. Chris didn’t have to deal with it- I did. By myself. So trust that I can handle it. I don’t want you getting comfortable yelling at me because I have to live with you. But I love you, and I love everyone else we’ve met in your family, and so I’m sure I will like her if she shows up.” I said and he shook his head. 

“No. No. I don’t wanna hear what she has T’say babe. Good- thank you- I’m glad - I-I’m happy you aren’t gonna fuckin leave but I don’t want to hear her fuckin mouth, Winnie. Shes gonna have somethin to say about you, about us. And I- I can’t handle it. I care about you too much and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut and I’m gonna ruin the entire night. If she chooses me the whole night will get ruined because if she chooses me you’ll start and then she of course can’t -“ he shut his eyes, breathing deeply. 

He wasn’t budging about this, or even willing to compromise with me - and his telltale signs of a panic attack started to show, quick breathing, flushed skin, scrunched brows, literally shutting himself off by squeezing his eyes shut.

“Baby” I said softly, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his middle. “We’ll go. We’ll go.” I assured him, gently running my finger over the bulging vein in his neck with a featherlight touch. “You’re so stressed love, breathe” I rub my palm gently over his racing heart. 

“This is why. I can’t even fuckin think about it Winnie, I can’t” he wrapped his arm around my waist and took another drag of his cigarette. 

I had to break this thought loop he was stuck in right now. I could see the gears turning in his mind, each and every worst-case scenario playing out in great detail like a film reel. It was something that my therapist had taught me during sessions and I had eventually picked up on, and started doing it with Carm. She would ask me a random question about something I love, so Taylor Swift, or Music Festivals, or Cats, and get me really into talking about it - and all the negative thoughts just snap away.

“How many kinds of vinegar are there?” I ask and he raised his eyebrow in confusion. 

“Vinegar?” He asked and I nod. 

“All  kinds. Well- I’ll be fair I guess cooking kinds, are there other kinds?” I gently fixed his chain to face the front. 

“Anything that is a fruit vegetable or a grain can be a vinegar, honey- why are you asking me this?” He questions and I shrug. 

“Because I wanna know. So ew you can make onion vinegar?” I scrunch my nose. 

“Uh-“ he took a drag of his cigarette “yes babe but…who the fuck would want that?” He asked, a small hint of a smile on his lips, my trick working as it usually did.

“What about balsamic vinegar, what is that?” I asked, sticking my hand under his shirt and holding his hip, stroking little lines into his skin with the pad of my thumb. 

“It’s grape juice vinegar instead of wine vinegar to put it simple” he said and I nod 

“You’re smart” I said, gently kissing his jaw “so so smart. It’s sexy” I said and he gently squeezed my bum

“What’s all the interest about vinegar babe you writin’ a book?” He teased and I giggle into his skin

“You’re not stuck in a loop anymore that’s what” I kissed down his neck. “And I was thinking about it in church. I was like what is red wine vinegar. Oh yeah and what is it?” I asked and he chuckled. 

“Mmm so full of questions sweetheart. They take red wine, then they ferment it, and then they add a culture-“ 

“A culture like yogurt?” I asked and he hummed 

“A culture like yogurt, that’s right little Sous someone’s been listening when I go on about work stuff huh?” He said, patting me gently. 

I smiled proudly “I love listening t’you. Okay keep going smarty sorry for interrupting” I said and he threw his cigarette butt down into the ash tray on the rail before wrapping his other arm around me and leaning against the wall. 

“Well not much else princess, they just ferment it and then add the culture then they put it in a barrel to ferment” he explained and the door opened 

“Bear Richie needs your help he’s fucking everything up with the lamb can you please come in?” Natalie asked 

“I literally sent him a text of what to do step by step” he huffs, “You wanna do the lemon zest honey?” He asked me as we went inside 

“Sure, I’ve been told I’m you’re best zester” I teased and he chuckled as he rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands 

“You are my best zester and my best girl.” He kisses my temple when I come next to him at the sink to wash my hands.

����𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

After I’d dressed the lamb and put it in the oven, I went and sat on the couch with Sadie and Winnie who were deep in conversation about something I couldn’t even pay attention to at the moment. Because Nat had pulled me aside about 25 minutes ago to tell me mom is coming, but only for dessert- and only because she’s ’on the mend again.’ Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. 

She’d been ‘on the mend’ and uncountable amount of times since Natalie's kids had been born. Each time was unpredictable to say the least. I had completely given up on her ever becoming fully ‘healthy’ whatever that means, a long time ago. But if she would at the very least be honest and not have to make a huge scene of being removed when she shows up drunk after she swore she would be ‘sober as a nun’ that would be at the very least more respectable. 

Natalie had begged me to stay. Said I was the ‘only one she’d talk to’ which felt like bullshit- because mom and I don’t talk. She talks and I listen - and I told her if she’s drunk we’re leaving. I have a bad feeling Winnie and Mom won’t take kindly to each other especially if moms drunk. Of course that wouldn’t be Winnies fault, but the point still stood strong. Also- Syd is here, and I don’t want Syd dealing with that. So if mom does show up - which I really hoped she wouldn’t and was just trying to give Natalie some false hope she still cared about the family at all since Mike did what he did - I’m taking Winnie and Syd and getting the fuck out of here.. 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by Winnie laughing loudly “Sadie you are gonna piss him off stop” she rubs my arm 

“I think it’s precious baby don’t listen to them” she said and I look up at Sadie who’s showing Syd a video on her phone and she gasps before slapping her arm and laughing 

“Sadie stop!!” She laughs “A) he doesn’t carry a bag B) he doesn’t have a mustache- but everything else is accurate in that” she took a sip from her wine glass

“What? Are you making fun of me?” I asked and Winnie laughed a bit, a frisky grin on her face

“What!? Never baby it’s just a silly joke how we’re like..a common match I guess. It’s only a joke” she explained and I extended my hand 

“Let me see” I told Sadie and she shook her head

“You weren’t paying attention so no” she teased and I roll my eyes

“Children” but I couldn’t help but smile a bit. That was something I did around Winnie a lot. Richie was right, she is very funny, in strange ways but she is. It’s more of a childlike randomness then anything else but it tends to really draw people in. It drew me in. I still hadn’t had a chance to ruminate over what happened earlier. 

I do love her. I just feel scared that I said it, that now I did there really is another shoe waiting to drop. It almost felt like another secret, because if it’s not i’m gonna be drilled with questions. Questions that I likely don’t have the answer to and won't until I talk it out with my therapist like every other fucking thing in my life. It was starting to revolve around that woman. Or thats what it felt like. I’d been seeing an individual therapist for only 2 months out of the three we’d been dating. I’d started after breaking down in Nat’s car at 3 am that one time. She’d told me she was either dragging me there, or she ‘couldn’t be around me anymore’ because it hurt her too much to see me ‘spiraling out like Michael without the drugs’ .

I’d thought she was being dramatic, sure the only reason I broke down like that was Winnie, and I refused to stop seeing her so that would no longer happen - but I also couldn’t stand not seeing and talking to Nat so often, I forgot how much i’d missed her in New York and her …. nagging. Strangely enough. 

“Bear-” I felt a grab on my shoulder and see Nat standing there “Let’s go outside yeah?” she said and I nodded a bit, looking over at Winnie 

“Be back in a second yeah?” I kiss her head and she nods turning back to Sadie listening to whatever story she was telling her

I shut the door behind us digging a cigarette out and lighting it. “You’re quiet tonight” she leaned against the rail and watched me. 

“A lot going on in case you haven’t realized” I muttered, taking a drag and looking down the street to avert her gaze. I wasn’t gonna go into everything right now, not here - and not when mom is gonna be here who knows when because she’s said that she was coming to dessert before and then came hours before expected because she thought Nat had told her 6 when she’d really told nat 8.

“Is it…Winnie?” she asked, and I suddenly felt annoyed at the thought that anyone could ever think she did something to me to intentionally make me feel this way

“No- no. Why would it be? Its fuckin mom. Winnie was all fuckin excited to come here and be here with all of you- because i’ve told you I don’t want her around mom- so since I was told she 100% was not coming I decided - oh how fuckin nice- she talks about never havin’ a fuckin family to do shit with, and never having been to a fuckin dinner like this- and now day fuckin’ of you drop on me she’d be here. If I’d have known, I’d never have come here. I’d never have told her. Because she loves to be apart and she - she wants me to feel good about shit like this but I can’t when mom’s involved. And now - it’s gonna be a whole fucking thing t’night when we get home. And its not her fault she sees when im upset, and its not her fault she can be normal when talking about shit like this. And its not her fault were all so fucked up. So it's not Winnie- Its us. Its who we are as a fucking family unit. So thats what it is, Nat” I said and finally looked over at her. 

She sighed deeply, nodding a bit. “Shes smart, Bear. And strong as any one of us, i’ve talked to her, you know? More then just once. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and you’re a good person, Carm. She’s not pestering you, she’s worried about you. But we all know how you love worrying about your own shit so much that you can’t see the people around wanting to help.” she said.

“Thats why I don’t want her around mom. Because I know she wont be able to stand her, Nat. She’s….she doesn’t let peoples shit slide. And I’m worried because I can’t control her- I- I wont. It’s one of her…rules” I sighed a bit.

“She gives you….rules?” she asked.

“Not like that- just like- ‘do this and I’ll leave you without question this is your warning’ and one of ‘em is If I ever seriously try to control how she acts around anyone were done. Which I can understand shes a girl and all that” I stomp out the burning butt under my shoe.

“See- shes smart. And It will be fine as long as Mom comes sober and stays that way. She wont start anything with anyone as long as she is. Can you just please, please do me a favor and try to keep her away from the liquor, Carm? We’re putting it away before she gets here but… She can’t be around the kids if she drinks and Bee’s been fussy and I can't let Charlie see her if she gets drunk without anyone looking. I can’t keep an eye on her, but you can! Please Carm, please” she begged.

“No- No. Fuck no, actually. Fuck that- and fuck this, Natalie. No, I’m not leaving my fucking girlfriend alone tonight, so I can chase mom around the house to make sure that she doesn’t drink. I’ve told you. I don’t want to be a part anymore of her fuckin’ bullshit! What are- are you even getting out of this, Natalie? She’s not a grandmother, she’s an extra child you bring around presenting as a fuckin’ grandmother because you want y’r fuckin’ kids to have what we didn’t even have. Newsflash, Nat- To know how to be a fuckin’ grandmother? You need to have been a mother- something she’s never been good at. I’m glad you took me out here because the last thing I needed was mom showing up - and me being expected to play fuckin’ alcoholic sitter all night. Enjoy your shit show with mom”

 I turned around, opening the front door and having every urge to slam it, but holding back and shutting it calmly. I leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths and rubbing over my face. If I go in theliving room steaming, Winnie’s gonna cause a whole fucking scene trying to calm me down, well- not a scene - but she’d notice how upset I was off the bat, and then i’d make a scene trying to convince her I was fine when that was the furthest from the truth and spiral out of control when she didn’t believe me.

This was not how this night was gonna go. Not if I could do anything to help it. If Winnie wanted to do a big fucking family dinner at Nat’s or Richies, or something. Hell, I’d buy a fucking house and throw a dinner party there with everyone if it meant I kept her from being apart of this god damned dumpster fire of a situation. 

“Honey” I called from the hall, trying to keep my voice even and digging my keys out of my pocket.

“Comin’!” she called from the living room, a few seconds later showing up at the end of the hall and padding over to me with her glass of wine and her regular smiley warm demenor.

“Hey baby” I tried my best to put on a small smile, “Uh- I’m sorry…I’m not feelin’ good my stomach is feelin’ pretty fucked and I have bad heartburn, we’ll come back for the next one, yeah?” I told her, wrapping my hands around her hips and pulling her closer. 

“Oh no! Sweetheart, you have barely eaten today mm? That may be why your tummy is buggin’ you. Lets get you something small before dinner and you can lay down and see if it passes? If not we can go, The lamb you made is smelling so good baby I wanted to try it, I’ve never had that before” She asked sweetly, gently rubbing my chest. 

Damn her always having solutions. 

“No- honey… please- please? I just wanna go home and lay down and watch our shows, I can’t even hold anything down right now- can we?” I asked gently, leaning against the wall. 

Before she could even answer, my entire world spin and flew off of its axis. I wanted the ground to swallow Winnie and I up and send us somewhere that was anywhere but here. The entire house silenced, other then the near bane of my existence but also the unfortunate giver of life I was currently living out.  “No! NO! If my SON doesn’t want to see me, He will TELL ME WHY Natalie! He can EXPLAIN HIMSELF! I am not a child! I can HANDLE MY OWN SON YOU MY FUCKED UP LITTLE WANNABE AS MUCH AS YOU TRY TO REPLACE ME - ARE NOT HIS MOTHER!”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

#Carmen Berzatto x OC #carmy berzatto x oc #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #the bear fx #the bear hulu #the bear fic #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto smut #the bear #carmy berzatto smut #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto blurb #borders & banners by saradika

[dance-on-the-moonlight]

Too late

Y/N was in love with Charles for as long as she can remember, her mind whirled with thoughts trying to pinpoint the moment. But the more she thinks about it, it seems as it was always there. The love she had for him, the love she wanted to give only to him. She didn't mind that it was one-sided, she felt content with only having him close to her, at least as a friend.

She let it hurt when she saw him with other girls. Watching with glassy eyes and longing in her heart as he'd leave gentle kisses on their foreheads, wrapping a possessive hand around their waist, subtle smiles throughout the day.

She told herself she could stop loving him any day. Even when she'd lay in her bed, with her eyes closed, a soft smile playing on her lips as she imagines that the sung warming the side of her face was his gentle hand caressing her cheek. And if she breathed deep enough she'd smell his aftershave.

But in the end, when the sun would dissapear so would the warmth, she'd open her eyes, eyelashes wet from a few stray tears that managed to escape. She'd hug her body tight enough to feel some resemblance of a comforting hug.

It took some time for her friends to notice what's going on. And they were adamant on helping her to mend her broken heart. And as much as she didn't want to, she knew he'd never love her back. So she let them set her up with other people, blind and double dates was how she spent most of her time.

At first, she did it, thinking maybe if she did go and see other people, maybe, just maybe, Charles would feel just a bit of what she felt when she'd see him with others. But instead, she'd only get encouraging words, and (what he thought) was helpful advice. The advice was anything but helpful when she tried to do anything to stop her dates from wanting more.

Eventually she grew tired of it; of herself, really. Pinning after someone for so long, it didn't do her any good. So she went on these dates with new found confidence, a new purpose.

And she found someone, who left gentle kisses on her forehead, who put their hands around her waist. She found someone who didn't dissapear with the sun, someone who was still there when she'd open her eyes.

It was winter break, when she saw him after what felt months. She heard him first, really, he laughed at something his friend said. She whipped her head so fast in that direction, she thought she'd get whiplash.

The moment their eyes connected his smile slowly faded, he felt as if he saw a ghost from his past. He's not sure, but something like relife filled his chest when he saw he walking towards him and the smile mirrored her own; soft, unsure and nostalgic.

"Y/N..", he said it so quietly, she would thin kshe imagined it, if it weren't for the white puff of air that lingered behind. "Charles.", he would swear her voice sounded like angels.

They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other. Charles was struggling with what he would say, it felt so different seeing her again after so long. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he had so many opportunities but never enough courage. He searched for words that would be good enough, but they just slipped his mind.

"How have you been?", she asked with genuine interest, he could tell from the way her eyes squinted a bit, like she was searching for an answer. "I've been watching the races every weekend, it feels like this year is not the year...", her voice full of compassion and understanding.

His eyes trailed down her face and to the ground for a moment, before he licked his lips and looked to the side. "Yeah, you know... It's pretty much the same. The pressure is still here as is the drive." He rocked on his heel before bringing his gaze back to her. He could almost feel her gentle hands cupping his face as she said the same words she would always say when she would comfort him. "You were made to do amazing things, Charles. Your heart beats for them, don't let them take it away from you."

It beats for you, too.

He couldn't bring himself to say it to her. Not before, not now. Instead, he braley manages a quiet "I miss you...", he let's his gaze drop to the floor, again. "You know, around the paddock... And - and at home too."

Y/N waited for a moment before answering, because she knew her voice would betray her. She felt her throat tighten, from the guilt, she realized. Because she didn't miss it. She didn't miss those days where all she did was watch him, listen to him, long for him.

"Look, I - I have to go. I'm already running late. But uhh, it was good seeing you again.", she rasped. Charles squeezed his hands into fists inside his pockets. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, yeah, sure."

She stood there for a moment. Waiting for something. She wasn't sure what.

He could hear her boots turning, her steps fading slowly. He clenched his jaw before looking up. "Y/N!", he didn't manage to stop himself. She turned on her heel. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry.", for pushing you away, for never saying it, for letting you slip away.

This was what Y/N was waiting for. But it felt wrong, so, so wrong. "It wasn't your fault, Charles." And it wasn't, he's not the one who told her to love him, and she can't blame him for not loving her back.

"Was I good friend, at least?", he watched her smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "The best I ever had." And she didn't lie.

He nodded, once, twice. He wanted to say something else, just so he could hear her talk a bit more. As she stood there for a moment longer. She search through mind and heart for that feeling she would always get. The butterflies in her stomach, sweaty palms and light-headed mind. She wasn't sure if she felt relived or terrified when she realised - she didn't.

She felt calm, and her heart didn't skip a beat when he smiled. She smiled back. "I hope I'll see you again." she took a step back. "Goodbye, Charles." she gave a small wave before turning around. Content and ready for the next chapter in her life, without him.

He watched her leave, fresh snow falling and getting caught in her hair. He wanted to reach out for her, to call her name again. And he almost did, he took a step towards her, but firm hand stopped him.

A quick glance at his friend and he couldn't hold it in anymore. He opens his mouth, but the words couldn't leave. He could feel the snow melting on his tear-smeared face. "I know, Charles. I know.", His friend said, as he let his heartbroken friend cry on his shoulder as he watched her leave.

–

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x fem!oc #angst #f1 #formula 1 fanfiction #oneshot #one-shot

[elliegoose]

Big mental health/life post, because i really wanna put this stuff down on the page and could use the feeling of being heard right about now.

in the summer because of some unfortunate stuff i moved halfway across the country to live with my parents. then some other stuff happened that ended up incidentally triggering some really extreme bipolar episodes--that's why i was in the psych ward a couple months ago and also why i took an unannounced hiatus from this blog for most of october--and ever since then i've been just... struggling kind of a lot.

i feel disconnected from my art, my sexuality, cooking, music, and most things that have been important to me. i don't feel the sense of home that i used to have out in texas. i'm anxious and down most of the time. i feel especially disconnected from the kink communities that used to be kind of the center of my online social life. this has been a particularly difficult emotional blow to endure and a particularly large reason why i've felt so awful.

in the past month, i've developed an inexplicable social anxiety that's horrible to deal with as someone who's normally very outgoing and who used to find socializing very easy. now, though, i'm often just filled with self-doubt and panic while trying to socialize with people, which is making it incredibly difficult to keep building the new friendships i've started to foster out here in my new city.

i'm just doing the best i can every day, attending my IOP program, applying the skills i've been learning there as diligently as possible, keeping up with my hobbies (for as disconnected as i feel from art i'm still doing quite a bit of it, and picking up the banjo has done so much to sustain what little of my mental health i still have), getting out into nature, going to a lot of fun events (drag shows, happy hours, full moon rituals, ttrpg/boardgame nights, furry meetups, folk musician meetups, etc.) and hanging out with the folks i meet there as often as i'm able even despite all my newfound social anxiety, but even with all that i'm just... persistently in emotional pain that i don't know how to effectively alleviate.

i know part of it is that i'm out of work, and i know having a job will give my life more structure, but i also know that's not the whole of what's happening here. i've been out of work before and it's not affected me this badly. it's also that i'm lonely, deeply unsure of myself after making some unwise decisions and having to face so many of my flaws, grappling with my disproportionate senses of shame, anxiety, and responsibility, yearning for more purpose and autonomy than i currently have, wanting to feel like i'm contributing to something larger than myself, and anxious after going through so much chaos and repeated disruption and loss.

i'm glad my IOP demands sobriety because it's been a struggle to not use alcohol as a crutch.

fucking... life. it's been a goddamn year for sure.

#elise.rtf

[delopsia]

Hi, I misread an ask and thought we were discussing omega! Rhett and Reader with Alpha Bob, and now I've had to do the copy-paste of shame 🧍‍♂️ This is just a cute little long-winded ramble about Rhett hailing from a long line of alphas and coming into his own after meeting Reader and Bobby 💐 This can turn into a one-shot if anyone asks me for it.

Not a soul could have expected that the infamous youngest son of Royal Abbott, beefy cowboy, and reckless bull rider, was an omega. Hell, Rhett hadn't even expected it.

Even in his toddler and early childhood stages, he fell into every tell-tale sign and stereotype that an alpha child would. A little too possessive of his toys, flashing his teeth on the playground, would prickle at the presence of alphas. He was damn near identical to Perry.

Royal was convinced that their youngest would turn out to be an alpha. Hell, he'd been bragging about his unbroken family lineage since before Rhett was even born. He knew every one of his children would be alphas. And it would only make sense, hailing from a long line of them; in fact, the Abbott family hadn't seen a beta or omega born since the late 1800s. Questioning it, in the family's eyes, was pointless. Why would the tradition break now?

And then Rhett hit those years, the awkwardness of becoming a teenager topped off by the sudden maturing of scent glands. Little patches of skin learning to produce thin oils; some kids struggle with overproduction, and some need specialized creams because their glands are drying out. As if dealing with acne and hormones wasn't enough for them to deal with.

Cecelia's suspicions came when Rhett's scent change didn't match Perry's. Where Perry had experienced a sudden shift, overproducing so much scent that Royal could literally lift his nose to the wind and know where his eldest was from a mile away, Rhett was a quiet change.

Over the course of six months, he lost that 'new' scent he was born with and acquired something that can only be described as smores at a campfire. Smokey and warm, with a slight sweetness, so well hidden that the only way to catch a whiff of it is to have your nose right next to the scent glands on his neck. And while sweetness isn't a scent reserved exclusively for omegas, it was an anomaly on both sides of the family.

So when seventeen-year-old Rhett came home from school early one day, complaining about his face being hot and an uncomfortable churn in his belly, Cecelia couldn't say she was surprised.

Perry, quite frankly, did not give a damn when he found out, it was none of his business, and even if it did bug him, he was too focused on the birth of his daughter to spare it much thought. But Royal was a firestorm of his own. He couldn't understand it. How could this possibly happen? And no matter how much he yelled and screamed, this wasn't a matter that could simply be remedied by words.

It was only during this argument that it became painfully clear that Rhett didn't function like the stereotype depicted. Even with Royal's barking and challenging, Rhett didn't fold like he was meant to. Being an omega didn't change his rougher nature, going toe to toe with his father, a mountain in the wind, refusing to be moved.

It frustrates Royal to no end; he breaks tradition in every way possible. An omega hailing from generations of alphas who refuses to act the way an omega traditionally should. Doesn't loosen his shoulders and slightly lower his head, when an alpha enters the room, no matter how hard Royal tries to pull it out of him.

Even stranger. Rhett fully commits to the alpha-dominated sport of bull riding. Is so disguised in his nature that not even his many, many hookups realize he isn't an alpha. It's an oddity that perplexes even Rhett himself.

A part of him is always tempted to skip his medications and experience a full-blown heat in the safety of a cozy hotel. He knows a handful of gentle-handed alphas who would be more than willing to take care of him, has toys and everything he could possibly need, but it just doesn't...do anything for him. He's tried it before, but even with the fever and hint of delirium, it quit being fun after an hour, and calling someone just filled his belly with dread. Watching TV, snuggled in the sheets, was all he truly did.

His friend Archie, an older guy who has been around the sun a few more times than Rhett has, suggests that it's simply because Rhett hasn't found the right people. And maybe he's got a point because one summer, everything changes.

You're similar to Rhett in the whole 'omega not acting like an omega' situation. It's never been something you've gone out of your way to adhere to; other than being rudely reminded of your heats when you forget to take your medication a few days in a row, you pass as all three.

Taking bits and pieces from each to create the unique design of your personality, unable to fall into the trap of being a carbon copy of everyone else in your gender. In the event you truly need to, you can get away with convincing others that you're a beta or an alpha. It's a nifty trick that not everyone can pull off. Where your friend has to bathe in special pheromones to trick those around her, you can simply open your mouth and make a claim.

Unlike Rhett, Bob comes from a patchwork of secondary genders. Alphas, betas, omegas, there's no true pattern to his family, and rarely does anyone display the behaviors associated with their status. His momma is an omega who is often mistaken for an alpha; his younger sisters are betas, but one acts like the spitting stereotype of an omega. It's such an afterthought in the Floyd family that Bob didn't even really notice he was an alpha until someone made a comment about it.

The spectrum of dominance is a much larger issue with alphas than it is with omegas. It's one thing for an omega to break their traditional roles, but the whole 'alpha' thing is a mess of its own. Some wise guy decided that being an alpha wasn't enough and started up a trend of "true" and "false" alphas, depending on how well you adhered to the stereotype. Bob, one way or another, has found himself labeled a false alpha; his presence simply doesn't command the submission of everyone else in the room. Frankly, he doesn't give a damn. So what if he's frequently mistaken for a beta?

So when he's dragged to a concert in the middle of nowhere Wyoming, and this rough and tough cowboy lowers his head at him, Bob doesn't know what the hell to think. And there's you, right behind the unnamed cowboy, downright confused about why you just submitted yourself to a complete stranger when you exclusively reserve that motion for your loved ones.

To you, a quiet alpha like Bob isn't all that out of the ordinary.

To Rhett, it's a breath of fresh air.

It takes some time to get out into the quiet of the parking lot, but one way or another, the three of you are perched in the back of Rhett's truck. Playfully bickering, bewildered about how Bob took one look at you and knew you were lying about being a beta. He'd identified you and Rhett so easily as if he were being asked as simple as what color shirt you were wearing. A feat that had made your skin crawl in the past, now an odd sense of comfort, like he was seeing you for you and not anything else.

Rhett's having the strangest experience of his life. All he can think about is rubbing his head against the glands on Bob's neck, like a damn cat dying to drown in the woodsiness of his scent. That's never happened before, and he explains it as such. He's rarely ever felt the instincts of an omega, forget learning to calm them. He only explains it because of a whine he didn't know he made. Doesn't expect Bob to tilt his head and invite him over.

But he doesn't know what to do. The instinct is strong, but it's not all the way there. Until you squirm over and nuzzle up on the other side of Bob, running the glands at your temples against the ones on Bob's neck. Here you two are. Strangers. Rubbing up on another stranger. Rhett's not sure what to do about the twinging in his chest as he nuzzles into Bobby's neck. Bob is just happy to be a comfort, kind in a manner that you haven't seen in a long time.

All things considered, it should be a one-night thing. An odd memory that you look back on and wonder what the hell you were thinking. But you're all in the same hotel, and it's so hard to stay away from each other.

Staying out late at a diner, falling asleep in Rhett's hotel room to the tune of the television. You come back from sightseeing with friends and run into Rhett in the hall. He sees you nuzzling your friends and has all sorts of questions about how that works. You're more than content to show him.

Bob returns from lunch and becomes a willing test dummy to all of Rhett's confused instincts. Where Rhett would usually lash out at someone asserting dominance over him, when Bobby tries, he bends and shows his neck.

When Rhett gets home, he starts acting funny. Before the trip, he never paid his phone much attention. Now he's buying a new one that won't overheat or freeze over a text message. He's found himself muffling whines over phone calls and jumping every time his phone dares make a noise 'cause it could be you or Robby. Over the course of a few days, he's gone from lone wolf to pack-oriented, physically hurting for the presence of people he's just met.

Rhett has never been great at catching scents, but when you and Bob appear at his rodeo, he smells you before he sees you. Has to be stopped from scaling the fence to join you two up in the stands. Nobody knew Rhett was an omega until after he'd ventured up and snuggled into the juncture of Bob's neck, nuzzling your temple, so completely and utterly content that he chirps for the first time in his life.

And so maybe the three of you are something more than friends now. Nobody needs to know that you and Rhett are boarding a plane to spend the week at Bob's apartment. It's no one's business that they spend weekends at your place and that Rhett sometimes appears for a night because he missed you.

You've been dating for two years when the decision is made to move in together. And you only spend a few months under the same roof when you come home on your lunch break to Rhett, red-faced and confused, lying in the bath. He's home from work early; didn't make mention of it to either of you.

"What's wrong?" You murmur, pressing a cool cloth to his forehead, stroking away the bits of hair that cling to his flushed skin. Clammy is the only way you can describe it.

"I'm..." his eyebrows furrow, doesn't seem to understand a lick of what is coming out of his mouth, "leaking?"

His heat started. The info script on his medicine confirmed breakthrough heats were possible, but the aggressiveness of it perplexed you to no end. You've experienced mild breakthroughs, but it's never left you weak in the knees and burning like a furnace. Getting him to cum isn't enough to relieve the ache in his belly; you can't imagine how confusing it must be, to go from zero to one hundred like this.

But there's a burning problem: Bob is deployed. On an aircraft carrier thousands of miles away.

You're trying your best, but you're in over your head. Rhett's going theory is that it's related to the uptick in instinct as of recent; getting into tune with his own body has triggered something that's been building up for years. Avalanching at the worst possible time.

It's not ending. Your strap-on has been enough to satisfy him in the past, but his heat cannot be fooled by prettily colored silicone. He snuggles on your chest and fucks you until you're too sensitive to go another around; he's cum three times, and he's still pawing himself through another orgasm.

His fever should come down after two days, but even using artificial pheromones isn't enough. They're not as subtle as Bob's scent, too intense to trick his overwhelmed brain into a false sense of comfort. Burying his nose into Bob's old shirts is the only thing that works, but he's producing so much of his own pheromones that it's lost in a matter of hours.

Bobby doesn't know something is wrong until Rhett whines pitifully at the sound of his voice. He mistakes it for Rhett, missing him, but it just keeps happening. You have to step out of the room to explain what's going on because Rhett genuinely cannot handle being able to hear Bobby and not feel him.

The worst part of it all is having a specialized doctor come out to verify that Rhett's condition is bad enough to warrant the Navy letting Bob come home. Not because it feels like an intrusion on your privacy, but because of how Rhett just doesn't know how to act about someone intruding in his private space. Doesn't understand these feelings or how to even begin to control them; he didn't get the chance to work through these when he was younger.

Heats rarely fit the criteria, but Rhett's fever exceeds it alone. He's burning up from the inside out; she gives him a shot of something to help take it down, but it's only temporary. He's lucid enough to manage the night. Wakes you up while he's rustling around the kitchen, biting on a slice of plain bread while he cooks a mini pizza.

His fever goes back up before morning.

Bob doesn't make it home until sunset.

It's strange. You expected Rhett to jump him before he was through the front door, but he doesn't budge from his spot. Quietly nestled on the bed, staring at the wall, in his own little world, unreactive until Bob's hand combs through his hair. And then he does to Bob what he did to you; he turns into a glue trap. There's no escaping his kisses and nuzzles and nips.

You're too damn exhausted to join the first time. Laying next to them, half awake, watching as Bobby gently works Rhett open, fucking him into the mattress, blindly holding your hand all the while. You'd expect it to be frenzied. Rhett's got this whole house reeking of his scent, and he's putting up a hell of a show, but Bob's slow with him. Thoroughly wearing Rhett out, shushing his mindless babbles. It's never mentioned, but you've got the feeling it's because Rhett's never been knotted before.

And when it does finally happen, you learn that Rhett's feet twitch when he's knotted. An adorable little spasm that you had heard about but never considered it to be real until now. It must tickle because he's giggling before his orgasm is over, straining to peer down at what's going on.

Evidently, that was all he needed, because the intensity drops overnight. Come morning, Bob wakes to the quiet shuffle of Rhett in the closet, suddenly overcome with the urge to build a nest but completely and utterly confused about it. He's got a pile of clothes and knows he's supposed to do something with them, but it's just not happening.

You wake up surrounded by clothes, blankets, and other soft oddities that Rhett's found himself drawn to. It's a crudely built nest, crafter only by instinct, with no memory or advice from others to guide himself with, but he's so smiling and accepting everything Bobby offers him. Your nests are primarily built out of things you've bought for the occasion, featuring your favorite colors and textures, but the warmth of this one is unrivaled.

Even after, Rhett doesn't necessarily act like an omega. He's still every bit of the rough-and-tumble cowboy from the first day you met, but he's in tune with himself now. He'll go from a bar fight to nuzzling up under Bob's chin and squeezing you to him, all in the same five-minute span.

Officially going off of his medications has finally let his body do its thing, regular heats that fall into sync with yours and little bits of fat collecting on his ass and thighs, squishy and solid in all the right places. He learns to handle himself and never truly conforms to your aesthetically pleasing nests, forever building a warm, messy patchwork of you and Bobby.

Purring is a function lost to the test of time in most, a function gone obsolete, but your contented rumbles teach him to make the noise, too. Most omegas are groomed out of making all their more primal, animalistic noises, but he chirps and makes all sorts of funny noises that you didn't know were related to your nature.

Bobby is forever the pillar that allows for all of your and Rhett's shenanigans, letting the pair of you love up on him or torment him to your heart's content. He's the sleeping giant that lets kids play on him, only raising issue when he's got genuine reason to.

And even now, with the normalization of these funny little behaviors and Rhett becoming fully aware of his own body, the fun of it all never dies down. Maybe it's because of the long-established dynamic or the nontraditional conformation of who you are as individuals.

Or maybe it's got something to do with the newly healed marks on your necks...

#rhett abbott #robert bob floyd #bob floyd x reader x rhett abbott #omegaverse

[unreadpoppy]

Plus One - chapter 1

Read on AO3

Raphael x Fem!Tav; Modern AU

Summary: Raphael and Tav are lawyers with a messy history. When both need the others help, they'll have to overcome their past.

Or, in which Raphael and Tav are messy exes.

A/N: I've been watching too many crime and law shows with my dad so this has been stuck in my head for some time. That said, I know nothing of the law world, I did some research but still, don't come for me if stuff is innacurate.

The sound of heels clacking on the floor alerted everyone that Tav had arrived. 

People greeted her with ‘good mornings’ and ‘how are you doings’, which were replied with a cold glare. Tav didn’t like small talk nor wasting time on pleasantries. She made her way to her desk, without speaking to anyone.

Tav was one of the senior associates at the Advocate Diabolis, a law firm which specializes in infernal contracts, representing the mortals who were tricked into selling their souls. A few years ago, they had gained more recognition after Tav represented Wyll Ravengard, ending his contract with the she-devil Mizora. 

As of now, she was trying to help the vampire spawn Astarion free himself from his old master, Cazador. They had made a breakthrough after translating the scars on his back, discovering it was an infernal contract. The problem was that she struggled to find a way to work with it. Without the full picture, Tav couldn’t think of a way to save Astarion. 

She sighed, removing her reading glasses and rubbing her forehead. Just then, Shadowheart, her secretary, passed by.

“Any luck with the Astarion case?” She asked, crossing her arms. Shadowheart was one of the few people who Tav spoke with, considering her akin to a friend. 

Tav shook her head. “I have researched everywhere, he even used some of his old contacts to try and help, but we still haven’t found the full contract.” Tav put her glasses on again. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You know…” Shadowheart took in a breath. “You could always try and talk to -”

“Absolutely not.” Tav cut her off before she could say the name out loud. “You know how things are between the two of us.”

“Well, not really, since you never told me everything but -” She paused momentarily, raising a brow “he might be the only one to give you some insight.” Saying that, Shadowheart left. 

Tav sighed and bit her lip. She hated when others were right, but the half elf did have a point. If there was one person who would know more than her about this sort of dealings, it would be the devil himself - Raphael. 

He was the senior partner at the House of Hope, a law firm that usually represented fiends. Raphael was older than Tav, but their paths had crossed a long time ago, when Tav was fresh out of college. They had gotten close, even becoming lovers. 

It all ended seven years ago, when the two of them went head to head in court in the Ravengard case - Tav representing Wyll and Raphael representing Mizora. Losing the case had been a great injury to Raphael’s ego and pride.

The fight they had that night was devastating and they had not spoken since. 

But Astarion was a close friend, and if talking with Raphael was the only way for her to figure things out, she would do so. 

‘It’s only for business.’ She thought to herself as she picked her phone and typed his number. Even after all that time, Tav still remembered it. 

After three rings, he picked up. 

…

It was a quiet day in the House of Hope. 

Raphael had no meetings until much later, everyone was working diligently and no one had come to bother him. He opened a bottle of red wine and served himself one glass, while looking out the windows of his office. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door, followed by a voice. “Sir, your father is here.” Korrilla, his assistant, said. 

Raphael downed the rest of his glass, and hid the wine. Mephistopheles was not one to make surprise appearances so whatever this was, it had to be important. He walked to the door, opening it. He flashed one of charming smiles. 

“My dear father, come in.” Raphael motioned to the inside of the room. Mephisto did not address him, walking in and taking a seat. 

The cambion didn’t sit, choosing to stay up while picking up a bottle of wyvern whiskey, pouring one glass for himself. He offered his father but was declined. 

“I don’t intend on staying here for long.” Mephistopheles said. 

“Then what is it that you require?” 

“Baalphegor and I are getting married and she insisted you attend.”  

Raphael took a large gulp from his drink. “And when is it happening?”

“This weekend. I’ll email you the details.” Mephistopheles stood up. “You’ll bring that girl of yours, won’t you?” 

Raphael furrowed his brows. “Whom?” 

“The little mortal one, I don’t remember her name but you introduced us a long time ago.” He cleared his throat. “Because this is a last minute invitation, we already reserved a seat for your plus one.” 

“Father, I-”

“Everyone else has confirmed their attendance. Do not make us look bad by leaving a sit empty.” With that said, Mephistopheles left in a puff of smoke. 

Raphael began thinking about who his father was speaking of until he remembered. There had only been one person whom the cambion introduced to the archdevil. The one person whom he almost took the next step with. 

Tav.

On cue, his phone rang, the name ‘Little Mouse’ flashing before his eyes. After three rings, he picked it up. 

…

“What do you want?” Raphael demanded. 

“Hello to you too, Raphael.” Tav said sarcastically. “Are you free tonight?”

“Why do you ask?” He asked in a dry tone. 

She sighed, swallowing her pride. “I’m having a hard time with a case and I believe you’re the only one that can help.”

“Oh? You want my help? I thought you were a grown woman who didn’t need me to help her. Wasn’t that what you said last time we spoke?” 

Tav rolled her eyes. Of course he would bring that up. “Can you put that behind us for one minute? It’s been seven years.” She couldn’t help but add “And I thought you were supposed to be the wise and mature one.” 

Two could play the game of quoting their past fight. 

She heard him sigh but he didn’t say anything. Tav spoke up. “Listen, it will just be a business meeting, nothing more nothing less and then we won’t have to see each other again.” 

“Fine. But, I will need something from you in return.” 

“Obviously.” Raphael never gave anything freely. “At what time are you free?”

“7 pm. Meet me in the Devil’s Den.” And with that, he finished the call. 

Tav sighed, putting her phone down. She looked at the clock on the wall. There were still five hours until they had to meet. 

‘It’s gonna be fine, Tav.’ She thought. ‘You do what he wants and then you won’t have to think of him ever again.’ 

#raphael bg3 #raphael x tav #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael the cambion #tav bg3 #modern au #my writing #this is wild but i needed to get it off my system

[gotylocks]

Willow Month 2023- Day 3: TV Show (Full Series/Specific Episode) or Movie

If you read my entry for Day one, you'll know I went into the show without seeing the movie. In fact, I actually made a point to wait to watch it until the finale, because it was a rare opportunity where I could watch one of these years later follow ups without nostalgia for the original (unlike, say, Star Wars), so I wanted to see if it worked on its own.

The fact I'm writing this should tell you, I truly believe it does. Now, I don't want this to come off like I don't like the movie, because that is not the case. I love the movie! I'm wearing a Sorsha and Mads shirt as I write this! But I would still love the show just as much without the movie.

Some hard numbers may make my point. I have watched the movie once, and while I often think about watching it again, I haven't yet. By contrast, I have watched the full series 13 times through at this point, and at least 8 of those times were marathon sessions where I went from episodes 1-8 in a single sitting.

Why is that? Well, I think the movie is missing some key ingredients that keep it from hitting that obsession level. Namely, Kit, Jade, (grown up) Elora... ok it's the entire crew. Their interplay, the way their relationships build over the course of the season, and the way that by the end of the finale every single one of them has been improved by the others being present in their lives.

The party of six, all with their beautiful, layered arcs and emotional storylines, they're the ones that make the show something special. I've said in the past that typically in shows with ensemble casts, there's usually at least one character that I find annoying, or one actor that I don't like for one reason or another. That's another thing that makes the show so incredible. I love every single person involved. From the main six, rippling out to the supporting cast and cameos like Hannah Waddingham and Christian Slater. Not only does everyone understand the assignment, they bring their own unique flavor and quirks so nobody feels like they're phoning it in. You can tell everyone is having fun and that translates to the audience.

And while fun is first up on the menu for the show, there's also so many moments of heart-rending drama. As someone who lost their dad at 26, I connect to Kit's feelings of grief and abandonment over the disappearance of her father. I connect with Jade feeling lost and purposeless. I connect with Elora desperately wanting to help despite struggling to believe in herself. I connect with Graydon carrying a lot of guilt over things he had no control over and wanting to prove himself as more than what his father believes he is. I connect with Boorman regretting his selfish choices and wanting to make up for his past mistakes. I even relate to Willow, thrust into a position where he has to be a believer despite feeling like a fraud.

Whether it's due to the run time or the time in which it was made, the movie just can't compete with the variety of character arcs, the layers that get peeled back the more the crew spend time together, the realization how each person has something to learn from the others and how they've grown to rely on each other.

By the time they reach the Immemorial City to fight the Crone, they have grown into one of the best found families I've ever seen. They have each other's backs, they trust each other implicitly, and they're willing to put everything on the line to save the world, sure, but more importantly, save each other and facilitate their rises to greatness.

The dialogue, while not to everyone's taste, I felt was a great choice. It immediately plants a flag on its own territory and says confidently "We are not Game of Thrones. We are not Lord of the Rings. We are our own thing." I love that shit! It is never a show that feels like it's chasing a trend, because it is so uniquely itself. That extends to the music, be it the fantastic score by James Newton Howard and Xander Rodzinski or the fascinating modern song choices deployed in each episode, which while I have opinions about songs I would prefer in different places, I cannot deny that they set the show apart from everything else that has come before. And "Crimson+Clover" by Pom Pom Squad will live in my brain forever thanks to its absolutely pitch perfect use in episode 5.

The fight scenes are fantastic, because they're never there for the sake of having action. Instead, major character beats are woven throughout, making each fight hugely meaningful to everyone involved. Whether it's Willow going from his weakened, nigh magicless state at the start of the show, to being the great sorcerer he was always meant to be thanks to working with Elora, or its Kit and Jade connecting and expressing emotions that words may not be enough for through their shared love language of sword fighting, or Graydon finding the magic within at the moment he needed to and killing one of the Gales pursuing them. Action has a purpose in this story and I love that after so many hollow and emotionless cgi fight scenes we've been inundated with over recent years.

This is why I can't simply choose one favorite episode from the series, because they are so intertwined that I cannot separate them. However, unlike many straight to streaming shows, Willow doesn't just feel like an 8 hour movie chopped into parts (despite my tendency to watch it like one long movie lol). Every episode has a unique identity that I can immediately point to when prompted. Every episode is important to moving both the narrative and character development forward, and there isn't a single one you could cut without everything feeling askew.

So. When I saw this prompt I was like "Maybe I'll make this one short", but we all know now that was going to be impossible. The intense emotional connection I have to this show from front to back just brings this out of me. To the only Fellowship I need in my life. I wouldn't be here without you.

To quote Erin from the making of doc, "These people are my family."

#willowmonth2023 #willow 2022 #willow meta #kit tanthalos #jade claymore #tanthamore #elora danan #graydon hastur #thraxus boorman #willow ufgood

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Hello! ♡

First of all, I want to say that I love your work, you are really great and I really enjoy reading what you write.

So... Can I ask about prompts 2, 8 and 21 with Billy Hargrove please? Like, the reader have a pretty heavy life trying to be perfect for her family, and stuff.

Lately I have had some very heavy and bad days with my family (And in general with myself, you know, my self-esteem and eating disorder) but reading your work always makes me feel better. So I really send good vibes and many thanks, you are a great writer!

Thank you! ♡

xoxo.

I got you, lovey. You're safe and sound here. I'm so glad that I can offer you any sort of relief, I'm sending good vibes right back at you❤️

I thought that by agreeing to see Billy that I would be in for sassy attitudes and full blown fights. I had really only heard stories about him and how he goes through women faster than he goes through cigarettes and how he's always trying to have a 'who's dick is bigger contest' with the men of Hawkins. Especially Steve Harrington.

I know what you're thinking, why would I agree to be his girlfriend when he asked if I truly believed that I would be in for the worst.

My long answer would have to be that I saw, I still do see, potential in him and, since last years Star Court Mall incident, he's been different. Call him a work in progress or something like that. But so far in the few months of going steady, he hasn't done anything to raise any substantial red flags. There's been no lies, no cheating, no full blown arguments or him storming out on me.

It's weird and no one believes me when I say it but he's been a gentleman.

Max has her own opinions on why he has a soft spot for me over everyone else. She sees the way he talks to me on the phone, a soft smile on his lips until he catches her looking at him, then he shies away. She chalks his infatuation up to the fact that he likes that he's the only dark part of my life, that the rest of my life is untouched by darkness but that couldn't be further from the truth.

But what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

The phone rings to my left, my eyes rolling and I toss my book aside, answering the phone without hesitation.

"Hello?" There's a hefty pause, a shaky breath coming across the line and I sit up, a shiver running down my spine at the lack of response.

"Y/n, it's Max." Her voice is shaky and comes out fast, so fast that I almost miss it. She sounds terrified as a door slams through her end of the line, my heart stopping at the thought that it's Billy that has her so afraid. "Billy's on his way to your house- he got in a fight with his dad and it's not good." My stomach drops and I'm on my feet in a moment, struggling to keep the phone between my ear and my shoulder. It's not the first time that I've heard of Billy getting into physical fights with his dad but I've never seen him directly following one. He's told me that he never wants to put me in the position of dealing with him after something so stressful.

"Are you okay?" I ask, slipping on a pair of sweatpants and throwing on a loose tank top, I sit back down on the edge of my bed, the sound of a car door slamming outside has my stomach twisting nervously.

"I'm fine, just-" she cuts herself off with a sharp breath in "-help him, okay?" The line cuts off before I can say another word to her, my hand shakily setting the phone down on the base. I hear a gentle knock on the front door, my anxiety skyrocketing at the thought of someone else answering it before me.

My parents would kill me if they found out I'm seeing him on top of everything else.

I open the door and immediately press a finger to my lips, silencing Billy before he can say anything. My eyes flicker over the bruises and blood that cover his whole upper body, the scratches lining his biceps make my stomach drop and I pull him into the house. I sneak him past the living room where my parents lay, sleeping, in front of the quiet TV and into my bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

"My dad-" He starts, coughing loudly as he grips his side in pain, falling back onto my bed as my hands cup his cheeks, examining his face and the injuries inflicted to it. He looks broken, physically and mentally, his eyes closing as I dab at the blood under his nose with a tissue.

"Max called me. I know." His head bobs gently at my words, lips parting as he tries to breathe comfortably. It's not like him to be so quiet, so soft and tired. "Whose blood is that?" My fingers pluck at the material of his t-shirt, looking at the patchy splotches of blood that cover the white shirt.

"A mix of mine and my dads." He huffs, helping me help him to pull it over his head. "You don't have to worry about me, sweet cheeks- don't look at me like that, I'm serious." He laughs, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine and I'm shocked that he's laughing in his state. I would be unconscious if I had this many bruises and this much blood coming out of me at once.

"Billy, Max sounded like she was having a panic attack. Excuse me for worrying." I huff, walking over to my desk to grab my first aid kit, shaking my head in frustration. Apart of me can't believe that he's being this calm and put together, especially after what I assume was a terrible physical fight.

"C'mere." Billy tugs me down on top of his lap, helping my shaking hands open the first aid in between us. "Calm down." He whispers, handing me an alcohol pad. "Focus on the job at hand, my nose, and take a breath." His stern voice calms me, needing something steady to go off of and his voice definitely offers me a sense of balance. I set myself down on his thighs and try my best to ignore him hissing every time I touch the alcohol pad to his skin.

"I really don’t like you sometimes, you know that?" I mutter but truly not meaning any of it. I liked him way too much but his ability to stay calm and collected in terrifying situations- scary situations- especially when he's almost mocking about it; it makes him playfully insufferable.

"And I really don’t believe you." He laughs, flinching away from me as my fingers prod at his nose, hoping and praying that it's not broken.

"All of this scares me, Billy. When you act as if it doesn't effect you in any way, that makes me feel so stupid because I want nothing more than to go over and beat the shit out of that man you call a dad because he's an asshole for hurting you!" Hearing my mother call my name, I quickly bite my lip, concealing the plethora of curse words that want to spew from my lips.

"Hey, hey, hey. Alright." Billy mutters, taking the pads from my hands and scooting me further onto his lap, his hands reaching up to cup my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. HIs eyes are starting to swell, his left eye has a forming bruise beneath it and I can only imagine how hard his dad had to have hit him to cause that.

My jaw grits in anger once more and I brush his hands away from his face.

"No, Billy. I have so much going on, okay? I have to constantly please my parents, get stunning grades and not act out. You're allowed to act out and be yourself, even when you piss me off!" My hands shove at his chest and he laughs, angering me further.

"Language sweetheart." He tuts, shaking his head with a wink.

"I can not deal with you fucking with me. So, if you're in trouble at home, you tell me. If your dad is hurting you, if he's hurting Max or her mom, then tell me." I sigh shakily, resting my hands on his shoulders as his cocky attitude drops, his lips pulling down into a frown. "You asked me to be your girlfriend and I think you underestimated me and how much of a brat I can be." He nods with a small smile, his hands resting on my back, his fingers plucking at the back of my shirt anxiously. "I'm worried you think I'm this frail, easy going, piece of sunshine and I am not, alright? I put up with more shit than you know. So if you need someone to take care of you- to stand up for you, I'm here." My bottom lip wobbles at my words, watching his eyes flutter shut, his whole body leaning towards me and my fingers card through his curls.

He's never held onto me this tight, this desperate, almost as if he's terrified to ever let me go. He would never say it out loud, that he needs me more than words can describe, but I can tell just by how he looks at me in moments like this, how he holds me.

"You bring me a sense of comfort that I haven’t felt in a really long time. I'm not about to lose that comfort, Billy. I'm not about to lose you." He nods against me, his ear pressed against my chest as he listens to my heart pound against my ribs, so fast because of his proximity but also from seeing him so hurt.

Leaning back, he lets out a sigh of relief, stretching slightly as his joints pop, his eyes finally finding mine once more. His baby blue eyes are red, tears lining them and he blinks, sniffling as his hands rub up and down my back.

"Alright. Maybe Max and I could use some help, a place to stay sometimes." He admits bashfully and I sigh, patting his cheek carefully with a gentle kiss to the tip of his sore nose.

"Even if I have to sneak you two in here, I'll do it." He laughs and I pull him back into a tight hug, cradling him to my chest as the room falls silent, only the noise from the TV down the hall filling my home.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan

#billy #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove #billy x reader #stranger things

[suzukiblu]

Hello all, I am honestly not even sure how long it's been since I've really talked to anyone online and I'm very sorry for just straight-up ghosting so many of you, but I'm trying to work on resuming my life and reconnecting with people a bit and especially trying to start picking up all of the commitments I've let myself drop in the past year or two.

Full disclosure, I've been having a bad time mentally for quite a while and just haven't been available to anyone in my life, online or off. I'm really sorry to have stressed people out with that because I know I did worry a few of you. I'm just not all here, to be honest, and I haven't handled it well. I'm having some personal struggles and just not doing my best taking care of the resulting issues--it's not anything trauma-based/triggered, it's more along the lines of problems with in-built psychological issues stemming from chemical imbalances that I just don't always manage as effectively as I could. But I'm not physically ill and haven't been in an accident or anything like that, and I'm trying to re-engage with life now. Catching up with people I owe communication/commissions/explanations to is on my list, but I just haven't managed to make it very far into said list yet. I am, however, physically healthy and in stable housing, and if anything emergency-adjacent happens I do have local friends and non-local family members I could get help from, so I'm not in an "immediate crisis" situation.

I'm just also unemployed, out of money, and scraping by on food stamps and state-issued healthcare that doesn't cover my previous psychiatrist, and I haven't been able to find a new one in-network who's taking patients and actually, like . . . calls me back when I leave a message or email them in interest of making an appointment. I'm signed up with a program that can help me get a job, hopefully, but the process is taking a little while and I'm not sure how long it'll take in the end, so the future is very nebulous at the moment.

And like . . . VERY full disclosure, I'm just very depressed and stuck being off my meds for the forseeable future. My room is a mess I can't bring myself to clean up, I feel like I can't engage meaningfully with a lot of things, I don't feel hopeful or optimistic at all, my emotional responses are all heavily muted, my coping mechanisms are avoiding breakdowns but are not long-term helpful or productive, and I'm neglecting a lot of people and things in my life and my own best interests because I just . . . don't care.

I know my situation and my feelings are largely just because I'm going through a major depressive phase unmedicated and with limited personal resources, it's not an end of the world scenario or anything. It's just been difficult and upsetting trying to find ways and motivation to fix my life and get out of that phase when I'm already feeling sunk in a quagmire and like I did all this to myself with my own mistakes, and I'm just trying to take things one step at a time and build back up from where I'm at.

So long story short: I'm not doing great right now but I'm stable, and I greatly appreciate the concern and grace I've been given while being just entirely off radar and am going to be doing my best to make right or make up for the neglect. If anyone wants or needs to check in on anything I owe them, please feel free to message me and ask; I'll be trying to contact everyone I owe anything to but given the brain-fog I've been dealing with I don't trust myself not to miss anybody in there, so believe me, if you feel the need I will in no way be offended and you'd probably be doing me a favor anyway.

Thank you all, you've all been so good to me over the years. I'll hopefully be in touch soon. ❤

#rintalk

[jerzwriter]

All in the Past 3/3

FINALLY! I've gotten to the ONE scene request that inspired it all. @angelasscribbles asked for this classic scene from Grey's Anatomy for Tobias and Casey. Heaven forbid I should have left it simple lol I decided to make this a follow-up and alternate ending to one of my favorite short, angsty AUs, Unblemished, because we needed more angst. And here, is the conclusion.

Series Summary: Tobias & Casey were friends turned lovers whose different dreams led them to become friends once again. Two years after their painful breakup, Casey has moved on. Tobias is in town to attend his friend and one-time love's wedding with his new girlfriend on his arm. It's just the wedding of an old friend, or is it?

Part 3 Summary: Casey and Tobias's talk in the wee hours on the morning of her wedding has rippling effects on the couple and their partners. Where do they end up?

Book: Open Heart (Post Series)

Characters/Pairings: Casey MacTavish (F!MC) x M!OC, Tobias Carrick x F!OC, Sienna Trinh

Rating: Teen

Words: 3,100

Series Masterlist

Tobias x Casey Masterlist | OH Masterlist | Full Masterlist

“Hello, Tobias...” Casey whispered. “I’m glad I found you.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, attempting to make out the time on his watch through bleary eyes. But Casey shook her head in disapproval.

“The time is irrelevant. I’m clearly not going to sleep on the eve of my wedding. Fortunately, I hired one of the best makeup artists around. He’ll know how to make me look awake.”

“Why can’t you sleep?”

Casey motioned toward the bottle of Scotch, and Tobias diligently handed it to her. She took a swig directly from the bottle and plopped down in the chair next to his. 

“Nerves? Overstimulation? Too many relatives, not enough friends? Realizing what I’m about to do?”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

“I’m having thoughts,” she chuckled. “I don’t know if they’re of the second variety.”

She turned to Tobias, the way the moonlight illuminated his features took her back to another time. It felt so close she thought she could touch it.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? You and me standing here... on my wedding day?”

“Yeah, funny,” he sighed. “Then again, it makes sense. We’ve been through a lot together.”

“We sure have,” she smiled. “Tobias,” she asked tentatively, “are you happy?”

“What?”

“Someone asked me if I was happy earlier, and now... I’m asking you.”

“Case, you’re the one getting married in fifteen hours. Shouldn’t we be concentrating on you?”

“I’m trying to distract myself, Carrick,” she smiled. “Can you humor me?”

Tobias couldn’t contain a grin. Did she think he had the strength to deny her anything when she smiled at him like that? Even so, he struggled to offer an answer.

“Define happy?” He shrugged, taking another long sip. 

“You know what happy is. I’ve seen you happy.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I was too stupid to realize what happiness was until it was too late.”

“Is it ever too late?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Sometimes it is.”

Casey gazed at the stars, crickets chirping in the distance, the only sound between them. There was so much she wanted to say, yet nothing felt right. But Tobias was right; eventually, it would be too late, and she couldn’t pass up this chance.

“You’ve had three girlfriends since we broke up. Imani, Mandy, and now Meghan. Right?”

“Yeah?” He asked with a raised brow.

“I was your friend before... so I know. You never had girlfriends before me. There were plenty of... women... but they never rose to that level. I guess I stupidly assumed you’d go back to that after we broke up. I naively let myself believe I was so special that no one else could ever take that place in your life.”

Her face crumpled in embarrassment, and she lowered her face into her hands to hide.  

“I sound so fucking full of myself,” she groaned. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I didn’t take it that way,” he assured her, gently removing her hands from her face. The tenderness of his touch bringing a warmth she hadn’t felt in some time. “You were special, Casey. You are special. I didn’t think I’d ever play the relationship game again, either. But... I guess you showed me there’s something to it after all. Maybe it’s not such a bad place to be.”

Casey barked a bitter laugh.

“Well, isn’t that delightful!” She snapped. “How nice of me to teach you! Isn’t it something... you want that life now... after you broke my heart because you said it was something you couldn’t offer.”

“That’s not fair! I never said I didn’t want to be with you! We talked for months and came to a painful decision together. You know I was fine with a relationship; we split because you wanted marriage and children, and I didn’t. And it worked out, right? You’re getting what you wanted?”

“Am I?”

“Yeah. Why am I here? For your big, beautiful wedding... you’ve got the white gown, the string quartet, the miracle worker cosmetician... wasn’t that the dream?”

“That’s what you thought I wanted? Some stupid wedding. This is my mother’s fantasy, not mine! And it wasn’t when I was with you. I wanted to know that the person I loved more than anything would consider marrying me. It was never about some stupid wedding. Not then, and not now!”

“Well,” he smiled. “I think it’s too late for you to elope now.”

She wanted to be mad at him. She wanted to tell him off. But once again, he only made her smile.  

“I’ll say,” she chuckled.

“You know, you mentioned the girlfriends I’ve had since... us... Maybe I should mention your sole boyfriend.”

“Craig? What about him?

Tobias rubbed his hand over his head, taking a moment to compose himself.

“The night you called to tell me about him, I was devastated. I was convinced that I never really mattered to you... not if I was replaced so easily.”

“Tobias,” she gasped. “It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like that at all! You don’t know where I was. Remember I said this place would never be home? Well, I was right. I was here with no friends or family... heartbroken over losing you! I never felt so alone. I was... broken. Everyone told me to get out there, make new friends, date other people... it was the only way to heal. But for all the talk of southern hospitality, I didn’t find it here. Then, I met this new surgeon. He was kind, funny... and he was crazy about me. For the first time in so long, I didn’t feel alone anymore. He never wavered in his feelings for me and was so confident about what he wanted... a future... with me in it. And that was so refreshing after...”

“After me....” Tobias mumbled.

“Yeah. After you,” Casey asserted. “We had this amazing love, Tobias. I never thought something so precious could end... it meant everything to me. So, when you told me it wasn’t enough....”

“Hey!” He shot back. “I never said it wasn’t enough! I never said I didn’t want forever with you. I just...”

“... didn’t want in it enough to sign on the dotted line.”

“And now you have someone who will. You can say whatever you want, but never say you weren’t everything to me. No one ever has, and no one ever will come close to being what you were to me. Now, I just have to learn to live with the regret of letting you go.”

“What?” she gasped. “What are you saying?”  

“I’m saying letting you out of my life was a mistake. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”

“Wha... when did you realize this?”

“From the start, I was just too stupid to admit it. But the night you called me to tell me about Craig... it hit me like a ton of bricks.”

“Then why... why didn’t you say anything?”

“What could I say? You sounded so happy. I had already hurt you enough and had no right to do it again. And I never imagined he’d be the one. So I kept waiting for you to tell me you broke up, then I would have no reason not to tell you...”

“To tell me? Tell me what?”

That I loved you. I never stopped. I couldn’t if I tried... and God knows, I’ve tried. I would have moved heaven and earth for a second chance with you. I needed you as much as I needed the air I breathed, and living without you wasn’t living at all. That you took my heart when I let you go, and without you, I’d never have it back...and I still want you now...   

The words played repeatedly in his mind, but overclouded by one thought, they never made it to his. Today’s her wedding day. He took a deep breath and turned to her with a pained smile.

“Does it matter now? It was a long time ago, and... It’s your wedding day, Casey. I threw away my chance.”

She turned away, surreptitiously wiping a tear from her eye.

“We should have talked more back then. We said so much, yet we said nothing at all.”

“Casey,” he whispered as he held her hand. “You’ve spent two years building a new life with Craig, and you can’t throw that all away. You have brought me more joy than I deserved, and I’m a better man today because of you. I have no doubt that my life is immeasurably richer because you were in it. But,” he lifted her hand and traced her engagement ring with his thumb. “You’re not mine anymore. Craig loves you and will give you the life you want, the one I foolishly didn’t promise. So, when you walk down that aisle today... I need you to know it’s with my blessing... but it won’t be with my presence. You’ve found everything you wanted, and that’s all I’ve wanted for you. But now that you know how I feel... I hope you’ll forgive me, but I can’t watch you pledge your life to someone else.”

Casey dropped his hand, fear growing in her eyes as the meaning of his words dawned on her.

“You’re letting me go,” she sobbed. “You’re really letting me go?”

“You’re marrying Craig. I have to.” 

“But you’ll still be my friend, right?” she whimpered. “You still be my friend... after today?”  

“Do you think that’s a good idea, Case? Or deep down, do you know... maybe we both need to let go... for good. How can we start new lives if we still have one foot in the past.”

“I can’t imagine my life without you in,” she cried.

“You’re going to have a beautiful life, hon,” he whispered. “And one day, I’ll just be a distant memory that makes you smile. Come on,” he said, squeezing her hand. “This is a big day. Concentrate on your happy beginnings... not on what’s already lost.”  

 He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead and decided to bargain with God one last time, only to be let down again, for time failed to stand still. Casey stepped back and gazed into his eyes one last time.

“Promise me you won’t forget me?” she said with a quivering voice.

“How could I? You will always be my favorite... what if?”

Casey’s lips parted slightly. There was so much more to say, maybe too much. The weight became overwhelming, and when words couldn’t be found, she turned and rushed away, leaving Tobias standing alone in the moonlight, just as she had in Boston two years before.

~~~~~

The alcohol served some purpose, or maybe it was emotional exhaustion. Either way, Tobias managed to get a few hours of sleep. When the alarm went off much too early, he wondered if it had all been a dream. But it wasn’t, and he knew what he had to do. 

“Hey, Meg,” he said, nudging his companion awake. “Can you get up? We need to talk.”

~~~~~

Casey rolled her eyes as she sat in the makeup chair with rollers piled high on her head.

“Everything OK there,” Sienna smiled as she handed her friend a large cup of coffee.

“Could my mother be any more chipper? I don’t want to be arrested for homicide on my wedding day, but if she comes in here gushing over how beautiful I am when I still look like,” she motioned toward the mirror, "this! I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

Sienna placed a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder and gave her a placid smile. She didn’t have to say the words for Casey to hear them.

“I know,” Casey smirked. “You’re thinking an arrest for homicide might not be the worst thing that could happen today.”

“Hey! I promised you one maid of honor-slash-best friend who would stand by your side today, no matter what you decided, and I’m delivering.”

“Even if homicide is on the menu?”

“I’m your ride or die,” Sienna grinned.

“You sure are,” Casey said, squeezing Sienna’s hand.

The room turned quiet as Sienna went to the closet and took out the garment bag containing Casey’s gown. She was about to unzip it when Casey’s words stopped her in her tracks.

“I saw Tobias last night,” she whispered. 

Sienna turned around, her eyes wide. “And?” She asked, rushing to her friend's side.

“Relax,” Casey smiled. “We didn’t sleep together... there’s no chance that I’m having his child or anything.”

“Gee,” Sienna simpered. “That’s a shame. Now, seriously... what happened?”

“He loves me. He never stopped. He said letting me go was the biggest mistake of his life and....”

“And?”

Casey pursed her lips together and fought back a sob. “And he’s skipping the wedding. He said it would be too hard to watch, and he won’t be around anymore. He believes we can’t move on if we don’t really let go, so last night was probably the last time I’ll ever see him.”

“Casey,” Sienna gasped. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s OK,” She smiled through tears. “He’s not wrong. Being friends was just an excuse to remain in each other's lives. We always wanted more; we just lied to ourselves.”

“Case... now that you know he loves you, and you love him....”

“Si. He made it clear. We’re all in the past now. And, as much as this hurts, it’s probably for the best. I want my marriage to work. So I have to give it my all. I just wish my wedding anniversary and the day I lost the love of my life didn’t have to be the same day.”

“I know you think you’re doing something noble,” Sienna started. “Of course, Craig will be hurt if you call off the wedding, but doesn’t he deserve a wife who's not crying about losing another man on the morning of their wedding day? What I’m saying is... in the long run....”

“I do love Craig,” Casey interrupted. “It’s a different kind of love, but it’s still love, and I know we can build a happy life together. Besides, my parents would kill after all the money they shelled out. So,” she said, looking at her phone. “The makeup guy just texted. Can you let him in the front door? It’s showtime.”

~~~~~

Meghan shot a look at Tobias as she shut her suitcase and zipped it closed. It would be easier to be upset with him if he didn’t look so forlorn.

“I’m really sorry,” he said for the umpteenth time.

“I know,” she half smiled. “Please don’t have to say it again. I meant what I said. I appreciate your honesty and, if I’m being honest... I was thinking of dumping you when we got back to Boston.”

“You were,” he chuckled. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?”

“Nope. The writing was on the wall, Tobias. You’re in love with someone else, and I want someone who can’t imagine thinking of anyone but me.”

Tobias smiled when Megan reached for his hand. “You know you’re too good for me, right?”

“Oh,” she cackled. “You better believe it.”

The front desk called to let her know her taxi was arriving in ten minutes.

“Well, that’s my ride,” she sighed. “You know, at this point, I’d normally say after you do the work and get over her, call me. If I’m still available, maybe I’d give you a chance because you are a really good guy. But I’m not going to say that.”

“You’re not,” He chuckled.

“Nope. Because you’re not going to get over her. When it’s real, it’s real. And the last thing I will say is... she’s not married yet, Tobias.”

“Someone’s going to be lucky to have you.”

“Oh, I know,” she smirked. “I already matched with some guy on Tinder. I think you know him.”

“Who?”

“Dr. Ramsey,” she winked. “I kid, I kid... but maybe not. He’s kind of cute.”

“Get out of here,” Tobias smiled as Meghan shut the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.  

~~~~~

The hushed sound of guests’ conversations could be heard over the soft music being played on the piano on the other side of the door. Despite a strong case of nerves, Casey smiled brightly as Sienna fluffed her veil and gave her a final once-over. The bridesmaids had already begun walking down the aisle when Casey’s father walked over and handed his daughter her bridal bouquet.

“Well, this is it, sweetheart,” he beamed.

“This is it!” Casey grinned.

“Last chance,” Sienna smiled ruefully. “Are your head and your heart all in?”

“They’re in,” Casey nodded. “Don’t you know, they always follow each other.”

“Oh, that’s not true,” her father said as he took her arm.

“What do you mean, Dad?”

“People always debate what’s stronger, the heart or the mind.  But the heart will always be the victor. The head can talk all it desires, but the heart will want it wants.” He kissed his daughter’s cheek before placing the veil over her face. “Always follow your heart, sweetheart. Trust me.”

Sienna and Casey locked eyes just as the doors opened, announcing the bride's arrival. 

Craig’s eyes were on Casey the instant the door opened, and his look of utter joy left her riddled with guilt. Casey smiled back but quickly turned her head toward her guests, taking in the faces of people who had meant so much to her throughout her life as she approached the altar. Between smiles and nods, her eyes roamed the room fruitlessly.   Selfishly, she hoped Tobias had changed his mind, even if it was only to see him one last time. But as her foot stepped to its final destination, she knew. He stayed true to his word. He wasn’t there, and she couldn’t blame him. The officiant began.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.....”

The words began to blur together, and the room felt warmer.  Casey swore it had started to spin. While most remained oblivious, the officiant and Craig both took notice.

“Are you OK?” Craig whispered in her ear.

“Yeah, maybe a little dehydrated.”

“We can stop this thing for a pop run if you like,” he smiled, then he turned back to the officiant, but Casey’s eyes remained on him.

She felt nauseous. Sienna was right all along. Craig was a good person, and he deserved a loving, devoted wife... not one who swore she saw another man’s face before her as she stood at the altar. She peered over her shoulder at the congregation to find the smiling faces of their friends and family staring back.  She couldn’t ... she couldn’t do this to Craig... but she didn’t know which option was worse. She swallowed hard, feeling unsteady on her feet.

“Casey and Craig's closest friends and family are here today to bear witness to their union....”

Sienna moved closer and whispered.

“Casey, what do you need?”

“I need... I need...

“Will you promise to love and support their marriage in all the days to come? If so, please respond, and we will.”

The congregation responded in kind as Casey leaned into Sienna. 

“I don’t know if I can do this?”

“Well, your sucks, but if you’re going to....”

Sienna never finished her sentence because all eyes turned to a booming voice from the back of the room.  Tobias stood in the doorway, the bright sun illuminated behind him.  He looked terrified as he walked down the aisle.  He feared a punch to the teeth from Craig or any of his friends in the room, but that he could handle. His biggest fear was Casey’s reaction, but he had made up his mind... she wasn’t married yet... and this was one regret he wouldn’t be able to live with.

“I love you... Casey. I always have. I love everything about you. Even the things I  don’t like, I love....”

Her jaw fell as she turned to him, trembling, her eyes flickered between Tobias and Craig.

“... and I want you with me. I know I let you go, and I’ve regretted it every day since, so I only had two choices... live with the regret forever... or beg you for another chance before it’s too late. So that’s why I’m here. I love you, Casey, and I think that you love me too... Do you?”

Despite her jagged breathing, she could see Tobias nervously swallow, and while she shook like a leaf, it didn’t prevent her from seeing that he was doing the same.  In utter shock, she nervously searched the room as if an answer would be there.

“Casey?” Craig asked.

Sienna moved closer, her arms just inches away from wrapping around her friend, when Casey’s eyes locked with her father’s. He smiled timidly at his daughter, only wishing he could take her out of this place.  Then he lifted his hands before his chest and bent them to form a perfect heart. Casey gave him a smile, and her choice was made.

~~~~~

Euphoria was the only word that could describe it.  Her fingers slipped into his, intertwined as if they were made for each other.  They held on so tightly it felt like their lives depended on it.  Adrenaline had taken over, and there was no way to contain the utter joy and relief they felt. Tobias turned to Casey, beaming from ear to ear as they continued to race toward his car. He opened the door, and she rushed inside, giddy, lightheaded, and laughing with delight. But by the time he rounded the car and slipped into the driver’s seat, guilt and panic were beginning to seep through.

“Oh, my God...” Casey gasped nervously. “What did we just do?”

“Wait, he asked... are you sure about this?”

She turned to him, and one look in his eyes was all it took for her to understand.  There would be regret over how this came to be, but that regret would pale if they didn’t follow their hearts.  Their hearts knew they had always known; Tobias and Casey were two halves of a whole, never to be complete without each other.

Reaching over, she pulled him into a searing kiss, breaking away only when she realized people might come outside and she needed to be with him alone right now.

"I love you, Tobias," she breathed. "I love you so much."

"God, I love you," he smiled. "I'm going to spend every day for the rest of my life letting you know just how much."

“Good!" She grinned, "But, for now, DRIVE!”

And with a smile she’d remember forever, he happily complied. They could deal with the fallout later. It would be fine. There was nothing they couldn’t handle with each other at their sides. But right now, only one thing that mattered... she was his, and he was hers, and everything was finally the way it was meant to be.

A/N: And that's that! lol Yeah, it totally sucked for Craig, but if it makes you feel better, in the original follow-up to Unblemished, Unforgettable, Casey & Craig end up married for a long time, they had two daughters, and only much later did they realize Craig was always second to Tobias in Casey's heart. Casey didn't even realize it herself. While Craig was rightly hurt, he became pretty nasty to Casey as a result. Tobias & Casey still reunited, but they lost a lot of time. So, while this sucks for Craig, it's OK in the end. (Plus, if you ask me, he was a little TOO into her TOO quick. Some red flags there, folks; this is called rationalization!) Thanks for the prompt request @angelasscribbles, and year. I'm insane! :)

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

@choicesprompts

More tags in reblog.

#choices fanfic #open heart #open heart choices #choices open heart #open heart fanfic #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x f!mc #tobias carrick x f!oc #oh!f!mc x m!oc #playchoices #playchoices fanfic

[ateez-himari]

SOCIAL MEDIA UPDATE 231024

NEW TWITTER UPDATE

[NEW UPLOAD FROM HIMARI]

ATEEZ(에이티즈) @ATEEZofficial

[#히마리] Five years ago we made our debut with hearts full of anxiety, wondering if anyone would even bother showing up, and now we've just ended a world tour. At first they were strangers to me, people I was too shy to approach but now whenever someone asks about them I simply say 'my second family'. They've scolded me, cared for me, held my hand, showered me with love, dried my tears, created my smiles and played a part in raising me. We're much more than friends, we're soulmates...because in every life I would choose them, no matter where or who we are. I know Chuseok has passed but I want to make a wish. I wish for the nine of us to keep standing by each other for a very long time...so that we can get old together. Let's continue our journey okay? ATEEZ HWAITING! ㅋㅋㅋ Happy 5 years to us, to my home.❤️9 MAKES 1 TEAM! (I can't ever get them in a picture together sorry ㅠㅠ...) #ATEEZ #애이티즈

Translated from Korean by Google

10:45am. · 23 Oct 23 · 2.5M Views 41K Reposts 1,267 Quotes 1.3M Likes

mikah @himaswife Replying to @ATEEZofficial We always joke about Joong and Hwa being the parents of the group but think about it...Hima was around 14 when she came to KQ and hadn't been with her family much for about a year cuz she was at JYPE. So they basically finished raising her🥹

koala koala @koalazia Replying to @himaswife omg yes she even has similar habits to each of the members😭idk who else knows this but in an interview Yeo said he saw her copy her older brothers' actions a lot and he noticed she was doing the same with them

cheongdam pepper @33khj Replying to @ATEEZofficial new pre-debut photos yes omg! i've been an atiny since the beginning and i can't believe they've already grown so much- hima went from hiding behind the members bc of all the hate and social anxiety to being a global ambassador for versace and 4th gen's little social butterfly

nabi @jigeumfly Replying to @ATEEZofficial happy 5 years our ateez 🥂we're so proud of you! you went from performing in small theaters to your first ever stadium, becoming the most successful 4th generation group not from a big company. you truly deserve all the happiness that comes your way (also the way she talks about them...my heart can't take this i'm crying)

TOQTOK UPDATE

CHECK OUT THIS NEW COMMENT FROM 히마리

🐯: I didn't think they'd remember either but my brothers all sent me congratulation messages this morning ㅋㅋㅋ My parents called me instead and my mom was really emotional so it made me cry a little bit but it's okay because it was tears of love. I'll go see my birth parents soon! I haven't brought them flowers in a while so they must miss me a lot. It's okay though I'm sure they've been watching over our shows and ATINY as well so they'll understand!

CHECK OUT THIS NEW COMMENT FROM 히마리

🐯: I guess it's true that sometimes I act like the members ㅋㅋㅋ I've always had a habit of copying people who taught me so since they raised me for a while I copy them a lot. Hongjoong oppa says I started biting people only after meeting Wooyoung oppa...so I guess some of them are bad influences ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

5TH YEAR INTERVIEW

'As we're filming this it's ATEEZ's 4th debut anniversary already which means we've pushed through a lot of bad times, a lot of physical and mental struggles. My hope for you is that when thinking of the past you're able to see the happy memories more than the negativity, that you can see everything you accomplished over the years. I also hope you've gotten strong enough to let go of the members' hands sometimes and that you can help them as much as they've cared for us. Learn to take a break sometimes so we can go back to painting okay? Hwaiting!'

Q: Do you feel you've become stronger since last year and that you've learned to rest?

When looking back it simply feels as though I've become more free in the past year, not putting as many harsh restrictions on myself which makes me a lot happier...and I guess it's a form of strength so yes. It's still a bit hard to get into the mindset of taking a moment to rest so the process is slow but I'm getting there at my own pace. I think past me would be proud to know that I've started to paint again...actually my room is filled with messy tools a lot nowadays.

Q: How would you describe your relationship with ATEEZ?

In very short terms...a group of eight chaotic big brothers who would be willing to steal the moon if I asked. They've shown me so much love that it feels as though I can't refer to them simply as friends anymore so...family.

Q: What modifier do you want ATEEZ to have in 2024?

Growth has always been very important to us so even if there's nothing I would wish to change within our team, I want us to keep growing. Whether it be as people, musicians, dancers, performers or even our career, I want us to have come a farther way next year than where we are now. Not only for us but also for ATINY to be able to grow with us without thinking that it is something much too intimidating or unachievable.

Q: A word for ATINY who's been with ATEEZ for 5th anniversary in 2023.

It might seem like something we say very often...but thank you. ATINY have been our biggest motivators from the moment we made our debut and they've always laughed with us, cheered us on, given us words of motivation and during hard times they continued to support us no matter what. They make ATEEZ whole. So ATINY make sure to stay healthy and know that we're behind you too no matter what. We'll make sure to work hard so you can always be proud of us. I love you!

Q: A letter to myself a year from now.

I'm sure that there are still a few mental struggles you need to face but remember that with the members behind you, you won't ever fall far so please don't be afraid of anything. Continue to give as much love as you can to our parents, our brothers, our members, our friends and ATINY so that they can also find the same hope we have. I know you'll be a lot stronger by the time you see this and I promise that I'll keep working hard okay? I can't wait to meet you next year!

#ateez 9th member #ateez au #ateez extra member #ateez female member #ateez imagines #kpop oc

[gomzdrawfr]

the agony of imperfections and lost

a prodigy once soared, melody adored with perfection now suffers with pieces and symphony left unfinished a silent pain with wrist betrayed each notes falter, with the end replaced by sniffles and pain

☾⋆⁺₊♫✩°｡

AU: pianist!Raven and piano technician!Price

between classes and lectures I've been doodling an AU for my cod oc Raven :] it's the first AU I've ever thought of for a very long time and I didn't start writing and drawing a few things until recently (my friends are huge enablers ah ha)

this AU is heavily inspired by the anime Your Lies in April so if this familiar that's why

Prodigy Raven who used to swoop every piano competition stopped participating one day due to various reasons.

She can no longer finish any pieces.

It starts off with pain, and then progresses into fits of spasms and shakes on her wrist.

That was however, not the main issue.

As she will herself to play more to overcome the issue, another problem raised where notes and tune muffles out as she approach the end of any song, rendering her unable to map out the tempo and the feel of the piece, which was the most crucial aspect in performance((and also hence why the art wrote "when will the sounds return"))

again and again, she attempted to play and only met with tears and pain at every end, and so she stopped playing.

It wasn't years later when her friend invited her to a concert hall that she would attempt playing again, and met a man with an unmistakable beard she thought she will never meet again.

here is a fic I wrote below, you can listen along with the spotify song linked below, and as always I hope you enjoy this lil blurb ⸜(˶´ ˘ `˶)⸝

tags: a lil angsty and mentioned of struggles with chronic pain

𓍢ִ໋. 𝄞 ✧˚ ༘ ♪ ⋆｡˚.𖥔 ݁ ˖♬ ♪₊ ⊹

Raven found herself at the concert hall, involuntarily dragged there by a close friend who was settling some business with the hall owner. Having no interest in the conversation, she idly wandered around.

Eventually her attention was drawn to the main hall, the area was dimly lit with only one light shining above a magnificent grand piano on the stage, when was the last time she had even seen a grand piano?

The golden words that etched on the front of the piano captivated her, "Steinway and Sons", and she ran her fingers delicately along its shiny polished surface, despite promising herself not to touch it.

how could she resist when such a beauty is in full display within her reach?

Perhaps there was a lingering wishful hope within her that pulls her through the haunting echoes of her past struggles.

Perhaps this time it would be different, after all, it's been so many years.

As she took a seat and opened the fallboard, she knew she had to play something.

Little did she know she was not alone in that hall.

John Price, a famous piano technician was scheduled to carry out his tuning services on the grand piano, has arrived earlier than the expected time in order to explore the place.

It gives opportunity for him to figure out the environment, and to assess the condition of the place.

To him, a piano was like the heart of the human body, requiring care and love with every factor taking into account, such as the air moisture content, exposure of sunlight, humidity, temperature...the list goes on.

As he walked onto the area from the backstage, he was surprised to see a figure seated at the piano. When he wanted to call out, the tune of a song stopped him.

A familiar melody, a classic.

He recognizes this song, however, with the way the sound and notes were played, it felt as if he was listening to it for the first time.

Liebesleid. Love's sorrow.

As he pause and listens, watching as the fingers of Raven danced around the black and white, he felt himself washed by the emotions of the piece.

remorse, pain, emptiness and cheery? was it hope? yet he can't help but felt bittersweet.

Each note was played with perfection, the pauses, the tempo and the timing were accurate, and with the sway of the pianist, he could feel the emotional depth infused into the piece.

And yet as the song approach the second half of the song, something in the air shifted.

The tempo increased, the intervals between notes were shorten, and slowly wrong notes emerging as well, with some keys played with more force and vigor.

Eventually the song stopped, and only the sound of stifled sniffles filled the air as the figure slouched forward.

((if you're curious and still listening along on spotify, the errors starts around 2:42 she stopped around 2:57))

"It happened again"

Raven thought as she struggled to control the shaking of her hands, and the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"it hurts....it hurts so...so much"

She lets out a shaky breath; it wasn't the pain of her wrist that was eating at her.

It was the act of not being able to complete a piece.

She pressed her palm up her eyes, a weak attempt to stop the shaking of her arms and the tears that kept flowing.

A hand on her shoulder was what brought her back to reality.

Startled, she looked up into a pair of blue eyes, with gentle gaze that melted away her panics.

"You alright, luv?"

The man asked, and Raven composed herself, wiping over her tears as she gave a weak nod.

She apologizes for the state she was in, gingerly stepping up from the bench, only to be met with a chuckle and another reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"It was beautiful"

He complimented, nodding his head towards the piano as Raven pauses.

"no, it's not", she thought internally, but just gave another thankful nod.

"thanks"

John raised a brow at that, taking note for her answer.

"something tells me you disagree, hm?"

She wonders for a good moment if she should speak her mind, and after deciding that the chances of meeting this man again is slim, she gave her comments.

"I didn't finished it"

She spoke, glancing back at the piano as her eyes soften as the echoes of her instructor came to mind.

"you're not worthy to even be in the same room as the piano if you can't finish the piece. It's not just about the techniques and music theory only, you need to focus on the flow and the dynamic of the piece, honor the composer, bring the composer's vision to life." "alright, play it again Raven, how bout putting your body into it this time huh? I've seen others played better than that" "you know you need to win, make me proud dearie"

"well, a song doesn’t need to be complete in order for it to be good"

His voice brought her back as she frowns slightly, the older male simply smiles as he goes on.

"what matters is how much you put your heart into it"

He takes a step forward to her.

"and you, certainly poured your soul into that song, hell, felt like I was listening to Fritz Kreisler himself, ha!"

She could only blink as she chuckles, a warm feeling embrace her heart as she hummed.

"you flatter me...uh-"

"John. John Price."

He extended his hand out as he smiles.

"Raven."

She smiled, shaky hands now no longer tremble as she gave the firm handshake. Something tells her that this will be the first of many more meetings.

#user should be studying instead of writing fics #but said user has no regards or control of her life so #gummmyart #gummmywrites #i guess lmao? #doodle #oc #cod oc art #alternative universe #[oc]Piano AU #[oc]Raven #Raven[oc] #captain john price x oc #john price x oc #should I tag fic....uhhh... #oc fic #yeah that'll work #lmk what you guys think hehe #and yes I do play the piano as well :] #Spotify