#this made me sad when I read it even tho we can clearly see it in the show

[magnoliasforyourmedic]

Wounded men were Roe's stock-in-trade. And he'd seen more death than anyone else in the unit. To the rest of us, death was some rogue wave that would crash down on us from time to time. Hell, Roe was standing out in the surf every day, taking one shot after another. Since we'd got to Bastogne—bloodier than any other place we'd been—Roe was getting a bit of that thousand-yard stare himself. Quieter. You could tell it was getting to him. And who could blame him?

— Excerpt from Don Malarkey in his book, Easy Company soldier : the legendary battles of a sergeant from World War II's "Band of Brothers"

#this made me sad when I read it even tho we can clearly see it in the show #it makes me glad that the other boys of easy noticed tho #I mean babe and dick did but like still #don malarkey #eugene roe #book quote #quote #band of brothers #book quote(s) #quote(s)

[mysteryanimator]

I love your animations, but I'm still struggling to view them without thinking about their last canon interaction. Can you tell me what you envision their makeup would be like?

(Lol I’m so sorry to all the ppl who work on Nocturne reading this 💀 and just generally everyone)

Thank you so much that means a lot! But now, you’ve unveiled my trap card and given me an excuse to write my thoughts on Mizrak and Olrox, so this will get pretty long. Also, this may end up being very subjective/personal taste in some parts so I hope everyone doesn’t mind (and hope you don't mind the funky grammar!) This is an open discussion too, I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts! 

Now with that out of the way here we go!

(This is old unfinished storyboards for a previous iteration of their makeup scene I did back in jan, never finished them due to uni/another project, I'd like to someday tho because guh the themes.)

Now first of all, I’d like to think that a proper makeup/conversation wouldn’t happen for a bit and would be drawn out because they’re both still hurt, angry, sad, and confused at not only each other but themselves. They’re not the type to get into loud verbal arguments for this, definitely some verbal jabs at each other though. Mean petty comments, oh absolutely. I’d like to personally believe they’d still yearn for each other, perhaps even more so after Olrox indirectly confessed and Mizrak practically turned it down. 

Now, there are soooo many different ways that they’d even see each other again, many different ways it could come to that initial point where they’ve made up. Though I’ll go with one of my personal idea (which people keep egging me on to animate WHICH… I dunno I don’t have free time rn so I’m just blurting it out into written format while I can 😭 I want to though, maybe later in the year for fun if season 2 doesn’t beat me to it). 

Have to establish my vision, but I’d think that Richter, Maria, Annette, Alucard and Mizrak are hopping from abandoned town to abandoned town due to the inability to return to Macheoul for the time being. While Olrox has been on his own (doing what, I’m not even sure my personal headcanon for this.) I think Alucard and Mizrak have a conversation about Alucard’s past in a group setting and it strikes a chord with the monk- since after all, Alucard’s dad is THE Dracula, and his mother (bless her, I miss her) is human. You know how that whole backstory goes, and it parallels Olrox a lot. Also Mizrak and Annette will absolutely have a deep conversation too. Just solely from the comment that was made: 

“We’re all descended from gods, we just have to learn how to draw their power.” Nocturne s1 ep 2

Annette clearly having powers from Haitian gods, absolutely challenging how Mizrak was only certain of one God. Yes, Mizrak is extremely stubborn and it will take him a bit, but he’s different from the Abott in the sense that he will not let religion blind his path to good. He ‘uses his head’ as said before, not god, not the church- his head. Mizrak’s idea of the church and his faith is now a mess and it’s up to him on how he interprets it and rewrites it knowing what he knows now (this is important I swear when it comes to the makeup scene).

Now we’re at the actual scene at hand: Olrox and Mizrak making up.

Side note: oh god I’m practically writing this whole thing as if its going to be played out for an episode, but that’s how it works in my brain LOL but you asked so you shall receive. I am so sorry HAHA

There’s been a lot of build up from this point where they have been meeting up here and there by themselves, but you can clearly tell whenever they do they both hurt and yearn- which would lead to their proper makeup scene. I’m just inserting this for fun, but I’d imagine this would take place in an abandoned church in the town they’re camping in for the night. For a lot of symbolic reasons; devotion, sacrifice, forgiveness, gathering. This along with the simple fact, Mizrak’s relationship to the church has changed completely from here. I’d like to think that even when he’s trying to rekindle that connection with God, it leaves that icky overcoat on his skin. 

“Faith is a company in the hardest of times, when the world abandons you.” Nocturne ep 3

The church indeed had saved him from whatever terrible horrific thing happened to him in the past, however whatever saved him can still be horrible and terrible too. It is infallible.  It is cruel in an attempt to gather community and peace. So, yes- faith can be company when the world abandoned him, but his faith is no longer with the church. He’s taking it back and finding some place else to rest it. (Olrox, it’s Olrox, probably ooc but I’m making it Olrox). 

In this church, the conversation between them will initially start as a discussion about religion, faith and that whole sort of deal. It’ll open up about Mizrak exact struggles from his mouth and how he particularly feels about it, then we get more insight onto Olrox’s thoughts, his perception of the church and perhaps even a deep dive into Aztec history again. Maybe even talk about Olrox’s Quetzalcoatl form, though really this is self indulgent. It’s an aspect I’d absolutely love to be explored and I think it being discussed in revere in a Catholic Church,  with Mizrak actually being open to it due to his new perspective? Oh my god, sign me up. Regardless, it would hold similar energy to episode 6: Gulity Men to be Judged. There’s a weight to it. 

Then it gets heavier when the conversation pivots.  

Mizrak’s attachment in the church was due to him caring about people and, hypothetically, to save him from whatever detriment came for him in the past. The last canon interaction, their falling out they had in season 1 was because he cared about others. To a fault. Now, here he is, standing in front of someone he cares about. It’s going to open a conversation between what’s happening between them and finally properly discuss what happened from their last canon interaction in nocturne season 1. 

A lot of finger and hand brushing from Olrox, which at first I’d think gets no reaction as an attempt for restraint before Mizrak warms up to it and even reciprocates by doing the same thing. All of this is very gentle in my opinion. It’s slow, tender, and most importantly vulnerable. It has the physical contact reminiscent of their first fast rough and tug in the courtyard and piggybacks off the vulnerability they both have when they both stand next to the window in episode 6. They probably also just physically get closer to each other at the moment. Just gradually though. The distance gets closer and closer until their foreheads are practically touching without them realizing it. They’re comfortable though, they don’t want to leave. 

They absolutely get to a point where they both admit to saying “I love you” without straight up saying “I love you” because that’s just a very them thing. Or maybe they do straight up state because Olrox does admit he was in love (with his partner) and doesn’t shy from that fact. It’s a nice conversion of the trope and great to hear from a mlm couple to say I love you… but man do I do love when characters get all poetic-y when their profess their devotion to each other by literally talking in prose, so maybe with good writing both can be done and still be quite powerful but still be gentle. 

In my interpretation YEAH I’LL MAKE THEM KISS AFTER THIS, this is my vision after all. Also, yeah they’re gonna fuck. In the church? Perhaps. Is it a tad OOC, maybe. HOWEVER, consider imagery and symbolism. I just think the image of it would be great, even if it was censored to hell and back, it can be so artistically done. Just imagine the implication alone with me for a second. I think the whole concept of doing it in a church is an interesting build upon the quotes from the show;

“God is not here. This church is an empty box.” From the first Castlevania series.

“House of God? This place is just a heap of bricks and stone.” From Nocturne said by Maria. 

The church is a husk, especially having it abandoned- it’s rather what you do with that box that makes all the difference. The people inside are the driving force, so I think it’s both poetic and funny to have Mizrak and Olrox fucking in an abandoned church. Surface level: fuck you god I’m fucking my hot vampire boyfriend in your house. Deeper level: I could write a whole thing on this but I’ll refrain. You can get the gist of breaking free of restraint, and devotion and letting himself be human, rather than a soldier (which he already slowly does). 

Though also this sex scene isn’t necessary, I just like exploring explicit content in artistic ways, especially if I can throw in religious symbols and heighten that hunger/devotion to a person- but the “I love you” in the church is pretty powerful already.  

Then after all of this they take it at their own pace. However, they only live life once and continue together like that- they both know this concept very well because of the very nature of who they are, so they spend it in each other’s company. 

Now you also get the squad’s reactions, well namely because I do not think this would be an easily hidden thing. Like absolutely could get away with it in season 1, but everyone will know something is up for sure in my iteration. The 'hypothetical' Mystery Animator season 2 iteration. As subtle as their longing stares and quiet hand touches may be reserved for just them- those little interactions are loud.

Richter would absolutely be in shambles over Olrox, the killer of his mother, and Mizrak being a thing. Both in a “this is the most horrible thing that’s happened in my life” and also a he’s going to be an absolute shithead to Mizrak and make fun of him, lightheartedly of course. Alucard would absolutely have an interesting perspective because again, his parents. Maria already has disdain for the church plus the “vampires are evil… and evil has to be fought.” However, in the presence of Alucard, I think a lot will change because he’s half-vampire. Annette, I’m unsure of what her reaction would be, because I’m very sure she’d be receptive to Alucard being a vampire and then would appreciate Olrox’s mindset and values. However, gonna keep hammering, Olrox killed Julia Belmont which I feel will be comedically hammered in if Olrox decides to hang around the squad occasionally. 

And with that, we’re done! (I think)

Thank you for reading 🫶 this probably will not happen in cv s2 but it’s fun blurting out my hc. I’m really excited to see what they do, and even perhaps even go in the opposite direction due to episode limitations… maybe a season 3 👀 who knows.

#castlevania nocturne #olrox/mizrak #mizrox #castlevania olrox #mizrak #olrox #castlevania #vampire #holy shit this is long #castlevania fanart #im sooooo normal you guys #tf you mean this is 2k words #is this techincally a thesis? a character essay? #literally posting and closing my eyes #grammar might be shit but guys I have a vision #headcannon #dont percieve me

[hotasfahrenheit]

something i've been thinking about a lot since watching the end of Love For Love's Sake is what and who exactly is real in the universe that Myungha is playing the game in.

what do we know about this world? firstly, it is presented to us and Myungha as being the world of the story that Myungha read, but focused on Yeowoon instead of the main characters from the manuscript who are a happy couple that ends up together. they don't enter the picture at all; we don't know what point in that theoretical timeline Myungha is inserted into, but this implies it's before Yeowoon meets them since they're just not there.

the next step from there tho is... is the manuscript that Myungha read even real? he remembers the mysterious sunbae being the one who gave it to him to read, but if the sunbae is some kind of god or angel of death, did Myungha actually read it after he died, as part of a test to figure out what to do with his soul?

really my ultimate question that this whole line of thought is digging at is if Yeowoon is also someone being given a chance at life and happiness again, and is as real as Myungha is (and if the other boys are thus real too). despite Myungha seeing the game interface that no one else sees and having the system errors affect his existence in the world, the interactions between other characters when Myungha is not there are too deep and too real to be just NPCs. they're experiencing life and making decisions like fully really people, and living it outside of Myungha's scope of knowledge and what he can see. we get multiple scenes of the characters interacting and doing things without Myungha, and not all of them connect directly back to him or things he's doing.

knowing that Myungha's grandmother already passed away fills in her existence easily- she could very well actually be Myungha's grandmother's soul actually brought into this world as well. clearly some people are not there because they're also dead- like his ex girlfriend appearing as the agent, or his mother appearing in the cafe- but they have much simpler functions in this world. but there's little things- Sangwon struggling with his relationship with his mother and talking about how his father used to hit him too, Kyunghoon having a boyfriend that is always far away and he can't see until some point in the future- that hint to me that they might be other lost souls that had bad or sad things happening in their lives too, that might have brought them early deaths as well.

was the story that Myungha read about Yeowoon a story about another real, sad, lonely person who made the same choice Myungha did? was the game not just a set up for Myungha to save himself and learn how to love himself and others but a way to save multiple souls?

one of the main pieces of support behind that idea for me is the fact that Yeowoon breaks through the haze after Myungha disappears and not only remembers Myungha but is able to take control of the game to bring him back. i agree with this great post from @wen-kexing-apologist that Myungha (and his depression) is the one controlling the game he's experiencing in general and causing the system errors, because that makes sense for the things Myungha sees. but the others don't see them, though they do see the physical effects on Myungha when things happen like him falling down the stairs when he's with Sangwon. they see Myungha reacting to screens only he can see, and they do notice that's he's interacting with them and clearly think it's odd even tho they don't really comment on it.

and in the most crucial moment, Yeowoon finds the pen and the notebook. Yeowoon pushes to remember Myungha, pushes to find him, pushes to figure out a way to get him back, and i cannot believe that he's just some kind of NPC in an actual game or a made up person in a constructed reality that Myungha gets to exist in as the only real human soul. he has drive, he makes autonomous decisions, he is cognizant and aware. he needs to learn about how to love and be loved like Myungha does; he needs to learn how to connect to others and not be alone and adrift. he has a reason to be placed in this world like Myungha does even if he's not the one in charge of it until the moment it matters most.

could this be an alternate reality where Myungha just hasn't died yet and that's how everyone is real and there? theoretically maybe, but the fact that he is experiencing everything as a 19 year old in the current time and not in 2012 means despite going from 29 to 19 means that this isn't just another parallel earth where he's taking over the existence of another Myungha. (plus where would that Myungha go??) also his grandmother being there and being fully a real person means that he hasn't just been placed back into the real world, since we know she's already passed away there as well. i don't have a solid theory yet for how their world exists, i just have ideas about how they're existing within it.

i feel like i'm hitting the point when i'm just gonna be talking in circles about this from here out, since i've been thinking about it in circles, so I'm gonna wrap this up and go think about it for the rest of forever.

tldr is that i think at least Yeowoon and the other boys are all real. they're all being given another chance, with Myungha as their ringleader. they need to learn from him as much as he needs to learn from taking care of them; they all learn that they're worthy of love and friendship in ways they hadn't known before.

they all get their second chance.

#the likelihood of me spending my lunch breaks this week at work rewatching this show is very high #there's so much to think about and analyze and just... love #i will never be over this show #love for love's sake #love supremacy zone #love for love's sake meta #tae myung ha #cha yeo woon #tae myungha #cha yeowoon

[schoolmysteryno69]

META ANALYSIS - Mitsukou (part 1)

General topic - how they’re written as a one of the romantic couples in the story

Before I start, I need to say few things:

1. I’m not native english speaker. I’m probably going to make a lot of errors and mistakes, mix times, have a lacking vocabulary etc. Please be ready for it. I want to write my meta post anyway, so I would be happy if you will stay to the end with me!

2. If you do not like Mitsukou/hate this ship or anything like that - maybe this post it's not for you. It's totally okay to ship different thing and like different things, I don’t mind. My post is not a starter for a discussion tho, I’m not interested in discourses, argues and hate. I don’t really plan to “prove” anything to anyone or force you to change your mind, whole post is only MY analysis and my point of view. You are not obligated to feel the same way I feel, to see things the same way I see them. 

3. I’m not interested in proving if Mitsukou is going to ever be canon or anything. I don’t know that. I’m also not going to analyze if they’re ever going to be a CANON COUPLE or an ENDGAME COUPLE. It’s only about if they’re written as a romantic relationship, and being written as a romantic couple =/= being a canon couple, they’re a lot of pairs in media that definitely are written as a romantic relationship without them being together ever or being an endgame. I’m not going to speculate about endgame, especially when one of the characters is supernatural and one is a human. 

Okay, I think we can start now!

Let's start from the beginning. Because my first language is not english my post may be a little bit chaotic, putting all my thoughts in at least some order and with at least some sense it's actually hard, haha. In part 1 I will try to cover the first meeting between Kou and the ghost of Mitsuba.

So!

They first met during chapter 18. And it was meeting between Kou and ghost of a Mitsuba Sousuke, so it wasn’t our currently Mitsuba - it worth to mention they're not the same person, even if they are extremely similar, share a lot elements of their personalities, they look nearly the same, and current Mitsuba even share some dead Sousuke's memories because of School Mystery No. 4 Shijima Mei and her Picture Perfect arc. Still - not the same person and Mitsuba Kou met in chapter 18 is not the current Mitsuba. 

At the beginning they're not really that much written as a romantic, their short arc was more like something starting Kou’s personal arc and his development. He got some background, some motivation, some angst, he changed. For most part Kou behaved pretty normal, just like himself - a selfless, lively boy that really wanted to help a lonely, sad ghost that Mitsuba was. (he wasn’t traumatized yet). Even if some of their interaction could be readed with a shippy glasses, there wasn’t anything that was inherently romantic about them. 

I think it's kind of ironic how this is literally their first panel in the manga. Mitsuba literally looks like some kind of eldritch horror and he says “Did you forget about me?”. Yeah Kou, did you? This quite sums some elements of their arc. We know that Kou actually did forget about Mitsuba, who was one of his classmates. Also, Kous' trauma, related to everything that happened to Mitsuba, hunts him for the rest of the story. He also, clearly has a problem with recognition of both Mitsubas, with dealing with Ghost Mitsuba death and with the idea of forgetting someone and leaving someone. We also know that, when current!Mitsuba was made by Tsukasa, he didn’t remember Kou. That's why this quote here is very ironic. 

There is nothing really to analyze here but I find it funny. Yeah, you quite literally just haunted the wrong guy and it’s going to be a problem for you and said guy for the next 15 volumes of the manga. Good luck. 

Even after calling Mitsuba an “evil spirit” Kou still tries to help him and even decides to “take the big tough guy approach” to make Mitsuba feel safer about him. Kou is not really “the big tough guy”, even if he tries to pose as one. He is a 14 yo kid with kind of fucked up situation in life, even, if he doesn’t recognize it yet. 

Maybe you could learn something from Kous stupid earning, mr. boy who DIED in the car accident.

It's definitely not an accident that Mitsuba died hit by a car and Kou has a BIG earning with a big caption “TRAFFIC SAFETY”. Even after reading all chapters up to 103 I’m not really sure how I should interpret this exact symbolism in their relationship, but it's definitely done on purpose by the authors. I think it may symbolize that Kou, with a “traffic safety” earning will save Mitsuba, who previously died in a traffic accident from dying another time? Like, now Mitsuba have Kou by his side and maybe Kou will manage to keep him safe. His earning is mentioned by Mitsuba too many times, it's done so we can notice it, for sure. And I wonder how it turns out. 

It’s the first time Mitsuba suggests that Kou either has some kind of feelings toward him, tries to do something dirty towards him or something similar. Every time he just jokes or tries to provoke Kou or something like that. At first I thought it's just how Mitsuba is, some people love to joke like that, but then I noticed, later in the story, that Kou is quite literally the only person Mitsuba ever does this to. Sure he does not have many friends “his age” but still during the manga it would be possible for him to behave like that toward other characters, but he does not. He jokes like that only toward Kou and I think during the next parts of my writing I will point it out more.

Even after 20 minutes of insulting he is still concerned about Mitsuba. That's so funny and sweet. 

Yeeeaaah sure it totally does not relate in any way to the fact that ghost Motsuba got to die after taking a photo of KOU out of everything yeeeeaaaah nada nope. It's crazy how the authors planned this because Hanako really started as some kind of funny manga about kids and ghosts and supernatural things, but the angst we get later is actually top notch and kinda scary. There was few moments I really had to like, stand up and walk in my room because of the emotions I felt after reading.

Look how happy he is with the idea of being a model to the Mitsubas photos. He is bright, smiling and even blushing. The next ironic thing is how he cried after actually seeing a picture of himself made by Mitsuba. Also I like how prominent his earning is here.

Mitsuba is very particular, he really made pictures only of animals, plants and other non-human things. That's probably why his photo of Kou hit me like a train. That's literally narratively confirming that Mitsuba saw Kou as something (someone) he likes, someone that is important to him. Kou also realized it after seeing the picture, that was one of the reasons why he was so devastated.

There are few things about that whole scene I would like to point up. The first are doves. Mitsuba, especially Ghost Mitsuba, is often presented with doves as a form of his symbolism. Doves and cherry blossoms are probably the most prominent symbols of his character. I’m not really that good when it comes to symbols, but I think doves symbolize things like peace, but also some form of innocence/purity and love. Some sources also say about transformation and spirituality. I think one of the reasons for choosing doves is to symbolize how he didn’t deserve to die like that, that his soul is actually good and seeks for peace. In Kou’s eyes he is also someone innocent, definitely. Especially when we are talking about ghost Mitsuba at the beginning of a story. 

ALSO I’m pretty sure birds are foreshadowing to current!Mitsuba being made from the school mystery no. 3 who looked like a bird and who current!Mitsuba gained a lot of his characteristics from. Current!Mitsuba hair looks like feathers, his hand looks like talons etc. He is heavily associated with birds from the beginning. Even if Ghost!Mitsuba is associated with doves more and current!Mitsuba with ravens or crows. 

The next thing about this scene is Kou finally realizing he knew Mitsuba and it hit him. Understanding that Mitsuba actually KNEW Kou and it was Kou who didn’t remember him probably made him feel remorse and generally really bad about himself. That’s not a nice thing if you forget about a boy who was with you in a class, and the fact that ghost Mitsuba actually tried to talk to him and asked him “Did you forget about me”... It's hard for me to even imagine what Kou felt at that moment. 

Also, Mitsuba surely didn’t know about Kou being from an exorcist family, so he wouldn't expect that Kou will take direct action after meeting a ghost lol. If it comes to Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure it was very scary.

I wish we could see more of them like that. Just like two boys having fun with each other. I love angst, trust me. But I think they deserve rest and to just have a chance to play and talk a be… normal for once. Everytime when they get a chance to have fun they’re cute and hilarious together. 

Rain can symbolize sadness and hard emotions soooo yeah, I’m not surprised it started raining. I think it sort of symbolizes feelings of both Kou and Mitsuba here.

They’re going to the third floor and I’m sure it's foreshadowing to Mitsuba becoming a School Mystery no. 3. 

I’m still impressed how much foreshadowing is during their first meeting (chap 18-20). Like the birds, nr 3, traffic safety earning, motif of remembering/forgetting etc. You could also think that photography would be something like that but… it's not. Photography becomes a thing that is helping recognizing human/ghost Mitsuba from current supernatural Mitsuba. They’re similar but not the same person. Photos were one of the main characteristics of the original Mitsuba, both in this arc and during a moment with Mitsubas mother later. It was always about photos, but it's never about photos when it comes to our current Mitsuba.

Yeah, that kind of explains why Kou didn’t remember him immediately, even after seeing how Mitsuba looks and hearing his surname he should know. Because, like, Kou should remember him, they were in the same class, sit close to each other etc. But the mask that Mitsuba created was so strong that made him nearly imperceptible (like, you know, a ghost hah) and at this point tbh I don’t think Mitsuba liked it very much. He is actually a pretty bold and cocky person and all of this probably bugged him. Of course he wasn’t bullied, but was it worth becoming somebody different, somebody boring and bland to others? I think there is some form of regret. But also I don’t think that ALL of this was a mask, because Mitsuba definitely has some of a calmer and more sweet side to himself, he showed it a lot of times.

He tries to fix it up by recognizing him now for who he is. With both his positive and negative aspects, even if he points out mostly his flaws. Still, this is the Mitsuba he met, the Mitsuba he knows and the Mitsuba he IS GOING TO remember. Mitsuba he befriended now. It actually means a lot for Sousuke. He is dead, he may have thought that it's the end for him and for all of his relationships he ever had. Its funny how Mitsuba said he is a ghost because he still wanted to do photos, but the truth is he wanted relationships, but the true ones. Not based on his “fake” nice self, but on real him with all his flaws and that's why he haunted other students rather than just… go do photos or something. He tried to connect to others, because he subconsciously thought relationships and friends he had when he lived weren’t really true and real. It’s ironic how it resembles the current!Mitsuba in Picture Perfect act. 

Kou started to realize who Mitsuba was and how tragic his situation was, he started to empathize. Kou has a martyr complex, so he wanted to help Mitsuba any way he could. It was also shown that he does LIKE Mitsuba even with his twisted personality, Kou said it himself and it surely means a lot for Mitsuba who wasn’t liked before for his true personality. That was probably the moment Mitsuba felt a real bond towards Kou and become attached to him. 

And Kou even blushed a few times.That would still be read as platonic and sweet tho!. I think it was, personally. The most important thing during their first meeting was, of course, how it ended, because, in my opinion, it was a moment when most (not all tho) Kou's mental problems started. There was still his family, of course. Teru loves Kou very much, but still his mentality and behavior was a root for Kou’s low self esteem and some other elements of his personality, tho I think it may be a topic for a whole different post.

In this small arc, in my opinion, the moment that was the beginning of me perceiving them as written as one of the couples, a romantic relationship was this exact moment:

“I don’t know… maybe something important to me?” 

And also a moment when Kous saw this picture for the first time, when he developed photos, and how this cracked him.

Generally, becoming friends with Mitsuba was very important to Kou. Not only because he wanted to help him (and, internally, also making Kou feel better about himself) but also it was probably the first time when… Kou may feel somewhat special? He always was in the shadow of Teru, he wasn’t an “official” exorcist, he wasn't going to missions in the town, he wasn’t very strong (Hanako literally KO’ed him without a sweat and Kou couldn't do much to Hanako), the girl he got a small crush on (Nene) clearly had something with Hanako… Kou was always pushed back and now, with Mitsuba, he made an actually special relationship between the only two of them. He felt NEEDED, and we all know how much Kou desperately needs to feel NEEDED. In his own mind, he was the only one that could help Mitsuba and that understood Mitsuba, that's why Mitsubas ghost death was so hard for him. He finally got something special for himself and he couldn't even protect it and he let lonely, poor ghost tragically vanish. That's some trauma for you.

I’m not going to write much about Mitsubas feelings there because it was Sousuke Mitsubas feelings - and currently I’m going to focus more on a School Mystery Mitsuba. Tho Sousuke definitely perceived Kou and his help as something special to him. That's where their fated bond started. 

“You can help me develop them tomorrow and then… I think I’ll be okay”.

Yet we can’t see his eyes when he speaks, and that suggests he thinks something different that what he speaks. Not showing eyes is a common motif to show that a character is lying or saying something he does not think or hiding something. Here is just like that - it’s not about photos, it's about KOU. It’s because of Kou he is going to be okay, not because of the photos he took today. Something changed for Mitsuba when Kou recognized him for someone he actually is and wanted to become friends with him. For Mitsuba it means a lot because when he was alive he couldn’t get true friends and real relationships with others. 

Yeah walk walk trauma baby. I know I mention  ‘trauma” a lot when it comes to Kou, but the whole manga is like a one big parade of traumas for this boy and it's not even funny. I’m not surprised he is starting to become more and more insane with every next arc. Especially in the Night Out small arc we can clearly see how detached from actual reality Kou starts to be and how he stops recognizing differencs between supernatural and real word, good and evil, selfless and selfish behavior etc. It’s all the result of the traumatic situations he was put in for like 16 volumes straight. And he is bearing it A LOT WORSE than Nene is.

Ouch. 

“You wished for people remembering you but now youre happy with just a one person?” That hits hard but also I’m angry at Tsukasa, like leave that boy alone.Even one person can make a change in someones life, and thats what Mitsuba felt at a moment. For Kou he was someone, he was real, he had a personality, Kou recognized him and that gives him a true sense of identity. For him it was enough

You met like half of a day before and you are calling him your friend and fighting for him with an unknown dangerous supernatural who looks exactly like your other friend. Bruh that's some dedication. Kou is desperate to save Mitsuba, but Kou is generally desperate to be a savior. He tries to “save” Nene a lot of times even if it’s not really necessary, because Nene also has other friends and people who support her and is pretty clever and capable of bearing problems on her own (most of the time). Yet Kou still treats Nene like some damsel in distress that need his protection when it's CLEARLY not like that. Sadly, Kou mostly fails anyway. He fails now with Mitsuba and if it comes to Nene, if she needs saving, the person who (usually) saves her is Hanako. Kou rarely has something he can actually do and it's cracking him up mentally.

Yeah, “I’m supernatural who grants wishes” not “I’m a ghost of a boy who once lived in this town”. Yeah. It was right here from the beginning.

I just hope it’s not a form of foreshadowing.

His last words were “Minamoto-kun”, it's so sad. On this last panel he actually looked a little brighter than on the previous panel of his transformation, and that's because he looked at Kou. 

I need to say, seeing a person you treat important to you and calling a friend dying in a horrible way and hearing their last words being your name must be pretty stressful. It would probably haunt me for a long time and I’m sure Kou is still affected by it.

On the 20 chapter cover Mitsuba is together with the rest of the main squad (Nene, Hanako, Kou). It was pretty weird back then - he literally died and looks like he was going to be a one-arc character that started Kous character development, but this cover was a hint that it's going to be different and Mitsuba, probably, is going to play a whole different role in the story. He, also, had a hand around Kous head and nearly touched his hair gently - its a symbol of intimacy. 

That was a proof how strong, narratively, their relationship is and is going to be during the progression of a story. And, in my opinion, a foreshadowing to Mitsubas feelings. Because I think currently, our Mitsuba is aware of his feelings toward Kou, but I’m going to cover this topic a little bit later. 

On this cover there is a lot more symbolism,especially with Hanako and his role in the story, but it's also a thing for a whole different post. 

What Tsukasa said was that Mitsubas wish was ‘“ want to stay with my friends forever and ever”.

That’s literally what I said earlier. 

It’s a recurring topic with current!Mitsuba and his relationship with Kou.  Mitsuba feels lonely and… Kou also feels lonely. Even if he has a brother, father and friends (Nene and Hanako and other school friends) Kou is incredibly lonely because of his inferiority complex. He desperately needed to be needed, needed to be special to someone, needed to be important to someone, and that person was Mitsuba. Right now, he is the most important person to Mitsuba and that's both good and very bad for Kou. Good because he finally feels like someone important and someones one and only, but bad because of how traumatic his relationship with Mitsuba is to him and how unhealthy it is. And by it I don’t mean  they’re toxic or bad people - they are kids who want to be loved and who want to have their place in the world. But Mitsuba is a monster, he is a supernatural, whos life is stained away by his instinct, who needs to eat other monsters and who does not really… have any actual bright future and Kou is traumatized boy with low self estem, problems with his selfworth, with martyr complex and some sort of suicidal tendencies. They have a lot to work out.

Kou is going to be a supernatural / is going to try to be a supernatural / is going to be forced to be supernatural - hint number one. 

Yes, I will go back to this topic, because I’m literally scared of it so much. It's prominent during the whole story that Kou is foreshadowed to have a plotline related to becoming supernatural in some way. And when this topic is touched it's usually related to his plotline with Mitsuba. I’m kind of scared of HOW it’s going to happen or if it’s going to be only a try or Kou really will become supernatural in some way. But it's too much of a recurring topic of Kous WHOLE character arc to not being important and to not happen. It's even hard to call it foreshadowing, its literal hints everywhere. 

Kou spent with Mitsuba literally… one day, outside of being in the same class for a while (Kou didn’t even remember this time THAT much, time they spend together this day was more important) and yet he CLINGED SO HARD to the idea that Mitsuba is his “friend”. He desperately needed to be wanted, needed, to have a special bond, to being able to help, to save someone. And yet he lost Mitsuba at this moment, he couldn't do shit to save him, he was absolutely… just useless during a fight. It affected him a lot. 

During the scene when Hanako “kills” Mitsuba, there are sakura petals. They’re heavily associate with Mitsuba and are one of his symbols:

This scene, narratively was a scene that said to us he is GONE. For good. It was a “goodbye” for him and Kou, he is dead. That's all. At this point we couldn't know we are going to meet current!Mitsuba, so we could thing that is the end of Mitsuba and the beginning of a Kous arc. And… it was both of these things but in the whole DIFFERENT meaning. Of course it was goodbye to the Sousuke, he is dead, he can’t come back. Of course it was a beginning for Kous development. But… it was also a beginning for our current!Mitsuba, for slowly progressing Kous insanity as an effect of his trauma and the beginning for Mitsuba and Kous actual arc and relationship. We thought it was the end but it was actually the beginning that changed… the whole Kou, to be honest.

I think it's related not only to Mitsuba but to Hanako, too. Imagine what Hanako could feel at that moment. He is a ghost and a supernatural who know how doomed he is and he only protects school and Nene. But Kou said it's bullshit and clearly believes in what he says. Sadly, Hanako is so stubborn.

One of the symbols related to Kou is a lion. Lions may symbolize a lot of things, like strength, courage but also - protection. Just like Kou tries to protect everyone and tries to be strong and courageous for others. I actually think it suits him quite well. Lions also symbolize the sun and it was shown a few times that Kou is like a sun to Mitsuba.

At some point of a story he is definitely going to do some crazy shit I’m telling you. He really tries to believe that he can find a way to change how the world works and it can end up good but.. it can also end up INCREDIBLY BAD. It’s not that good to mess up with life and death and when you cross up a border there is no coming back. With every arc the manga is becoming a little bit more dark and serious with topic it shows and och boy I’m kind of scared for Kou and Mitsuba.

You can literally hear me crying. It was probably the first moment in the manga that actually had any impact on me, I was really like… I had to stand and walk for a bit before reading. Kou sees a photo of himself and remembers Sousuke saying “Who knows? Maybe something important to me?” and starting crying was like. I wanted to cry too. I can’t even imagine what Kou felt at this moment, it was probably absolutely heartbreaking. 

This small arc finished with chapter 20.During the next arc, Kou, already  affected by Mitsubas death, gets to know that Nene also has a shortened lifespan and it's going to die very shortly. That wasn’t too good for his mental state and he literally fixated on a goal in saving her. When Kou learned about Nene’s situation, Hanako even related it to Mitsubas situation, so we can clearly understand these two examples are related to Kou. He doesn’t want this situation to happen again.

“Just like with this boy, there is nothing you can do” - Hanako you little shit

But yeah. Again Kou understands how useless he is. How weak he is, how he can’t save anyone the way he is. How he could do nothing about Mitsubas situation and how he can’t do nothing about Nene’s situation. That's tragic. And it's clear Kou doesn’t know what to do about it. Thats why, when current!Mitsuba appeared, he started to find such a ridiculous (and unhealthy) solutions to Mitsubas (and Kous) problems. He don't know what to do but desperately needs to do… something. Anything. To help, to be important. 

It's sad. He said he dont know what he is gonna do, but HE WILL DO SOMETHING. And yet… we know how it all goes for him. He is a brave kid, who is determined and wants others to be happy and alive. 

He even tried to stop a kiss between Hanako and Nene after reading Nenes book and failed. He always fails.

There is also an special page

It is titled “Love stories” that should be about Mitsuba. And it contains both Mitsuba and Kou. It's just a joke, but I need to point out that Mitsuba generally wasn’t shown to be interested in any girl during the progression of the story or never talked about it in general. He also does not crush on Nene, even when both Hanako and Kou felt something toward her at some point in the story.He also talks about how cute he is A LOT and I’m going to say something about it someday, but not now.

I think it's enough for part 1! I think I covered everything I wanted for their first meeting. Let's see at Mitsubas resurrection in the Hell of Mirrors!

#Mitsukou #minamoto kou #mitsuba sousuke #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shonen hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #meta post #analysis #long post #yugi amane #hanako #yashiro nene #Yugi Tsukasa

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 11, episode 11: to a new world

can you believe it's almost over already... @tristampparty let's go.

meryl and wolfwood's dynamic is so funny

two things: one, this is the first time we see present-day-him out of his blankie!! two, he can speak clearly, but vash is struggling to breathe... i wonder if on top of not needing to eat and sleep, knives also doesn't need to breathe... but i also wonder if vash actually needs to breathe himself. considering next episode they fly up into space and vash seems fine.

okay, i guess "100 years" from episode 9 was a number from conrad...

wow this is just like 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors for the Nintendo DS

he says it's his hypothesis so... is he lying or is his hypothesis just wrong? i... i don't know if he would be lying on purpose. or if he's actually right and this is genuine orange original lore (doubt). how did he come to this conclusion? how would he detect the presence or absence of a soul anyway? imagine if this plan actually succeeded in the end. what would have happened? how would conrad have reacted if he was proved wrong?

viewing knives's microexpressions again like a completely normal person. his face softens when he says this. he really does genuinely care about the plants. it's just that his way of "caring" is. um. Like That.

COME. LET US TAKE IBUPROFEN TOGETHER.

subtle storytelling techniques. also again sinners with the capital S. also hello knives, you're so pretty!

he's both a receiver and a transmitter, wow this is just like 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors for the Nintendo DS

not to keep overanalyzing knives's expressions, but... he looks a bit sad that vash will forget him. even though HE'S THE ONE MAKING HIM FORGET. ugh. knives, you're so. you're so. so frustrating.

waaaaiiit knives with the punisher tho... and the hand on the hip... he's serving

so much of this is vash's insecurities being made manifest, i wonder how much "work" knives actually has to do here. vash is full to the brim with guilt, it's not something knives would have to do much to bring out of him. well, most of that guilt is knives's fault to begin with...

this always gets me. this ALWAYS gets me... "love," he says... love, huh... love... i do think there is love. i do think love exists between them. it exists, but this is not an act of love. or, if you must call it love, if knives is telling himself he's doing this out of love, it's a love filtered through a thousand (or a million, haha, get it) layers of fear and trauma.

the "plant room" is where tesla is, right? we've only seen the one other geranium. also rem makes an "oh shit" face when nai says that...

thinking about this conversation. this... back and forth between vash and nai... about how humanlike vash is and how plantlike nai is. it's a sore spot for both of them... it clearly is for vash, but thinking about how nai feels... he's the one who's being asked to put on an act. he's the one being asked to suppress a part of himself. i know that's rem's way of trying to protect him, but... it must make him feel bad. even if he doesn't make it obvious. maybe that's why he keeps making digs at vash. :(

oh, it did, but if knives were to acknowledge that, his entire worldview would collapse, so...

vash tabs over to his own profile and then scrolls to tesla's profile. why is nai in a different tab than vash and tesla. for that matter, if vash and nai were supposed to be a secret, why do they have profiles in the database at all. did rem make those? did conrad?

maybe rem's biggest mistake was letting nai read the bible

the microexpressions again :')

he's saying this to manipulate vash but is that the only reason why he's saying it? is this what knives genuinely believes?

okay i don't care about this guy at all but the fact that he's still holding his noodles is funny. i'd do the same.

speak for yourself, knives.

WAIT HIS BLANKIE IS ON AGAIN FOR THIS? hmmm... his blankie. his cocoon, his shield. is it because he's killing rem? again? so he needs his blankie? as a form of comfort. he uses his blankie to hide, it covers his face.

i genuinely do not know what i should call it besides "blankie." sorry.

the way he words this... i thought maybe he was using cryosleep to extend his life like luida and brad, but no i think he just actually lived that long. he's got a few... attachments(?) so i guess those were part of the life-elongating process...?

hmm maybe he did use cryosleep though, since he said he's done 100 years of research even though it's been 150 years...? either way he's old as fuck though LOL so there is some fuckery going on

he's doing bad things right now. he's being bad. but his squinty face is so cute LOL

WHERE was that post that pointed out this looks like rem. bc it does. if you look closely, that's her hair.

ummm... it's after midnight again... i think i should be able to write and publish tomorrow's post in a more timely manner :'D

#*makes 999 references* *doesn't elaborate* #tristampparty #june speaks #trigun talk

[stormblessed95]

I'll tell you a story you did not asked for. So i have two frnds both of them are like besties who were bench partners in college so they're pretty close to e/o. One of them is close to me too say the name as A. Now since A nd B were from same class and bench partners everyone knew they're pretty close and always together so they used to say anything to e/o and all used to joke all the time and now in that B has many times said things which hurted A but A never ever said anything about that to B so the things always continued like that. Thing is even tho A and B are Clearly very close to e/o there are still many things which B said to A that made A angry, sad and hurt many times and A still never said that to B but A used to tell me those things so i know what things hurted A nd all. But whenever they meet e/o they're still besties who used to be bench partners in college and talk all the same. Point is just because someone never says something about your some insulting remarks as a frnd does not mean they don't feel hurt or insulted. Everyone needs to know their limit and should stay in that cause you never know what could her the next person.

All the things you linked in that post... there's nothing in there that I haven't seen before since that has my bias in it so yes i do watch og content Cause I'm not interested in watching bickering content on YouTube.

There's a limit to some of the things you say which count as bickering but when it crosses that line it becomes insulting more than just bickering.

Since you put together all of the times yg praised jm let's do how many times yg has praised jk or hobi and see which list out of these three goes longer.

Despite him wanting to do a song with jm, jm still wasn't the one he did the vocal guide from and yes he praised jm's vocals yrs back but does that change the fact he currently thinks jungkook is the best vocalist? No. thing is now if i start pulling out receipts from the times jm was complimenting other members and was being supportive of them you and I we both know that the list will be the longest one cause it doesn't take much for jm to praise his members. if he can he would praise them for simply existing cause that's how he is. in comparison to what jm does for others i honestly don't see anyone can stand against him when it comes to praise them so if they praise him once in a while I'm not gonna gag over that but it's appreciative. Those thing you listed are the things in between 10+ years so i don't find big deal. I didn't say he never compliments jm i said it's hard for him to compliment jm when he does a good job at it when it comes to others like jk.

Anyways, idt you'll post this ( that is if you even read this) infact I'm saying don't since I'm off twitter from tmrw so yeah.

Sorry you have bad friends. Don't project that onto BTS and their relationships together though. Your friend told you that the other guy makes them feel bad. Has jimin told you the same thing? No? Then you are still assuming things. So don't be an ass and let it go, okay?

And regardless of how you are phrasing things, you are still wrong. He doesn't have a hard time complimenting Jimin. Just like Jimin doesn't have a hard time and thinks it's funny when Yoongi teases him. And Jimin also doesn't have a hard time teasing Yoongi either... like for example....

"Since you put together all the times yoongi praised jimin..."

No I didn't. I gave a FEW examples. Just a few. That I thought of off the top of my head. Bro, you gotta unclench.

"It's examples over 10 years, so it doesn't matter to me"

your examples are also over 10 years, so they don't matter to me either I guess? Lol cmon. Grow up. You don't get to belittle their relationship. It's not your place. They don't have to be your favorite duo, but sit down and let it go. They love each other and they support each other so fully and when one isn't in the mood for teasing or needs geniune words and support, they have it in each other always. They are constantly showing up for each other. That's what matters too. Their relationship and friendship is not yours. So don't be so worried about it, okay?

Enjoy your break from Twitter, try taking one from here maybe too. Sounds like it could be good for you. You sound like a tkkr bro. Like I have exact messages in my inbox at times from tkkrs just like this. Except instead of shitting on jikook, you are shitting on yoonmin. Aren't yall tired of being unhappy?

#leave my babies alone #akgaes are exhausting

[bonesandthebees]

still thinking about the qsmp lighting strike one shot...

learning sign language makes you realise just how isolating it is to cant hear properly and its just so nice to see phil signing even when hes not speaking directly to tallulah and even tho she has a hearing aid and could hear him this close

richas having a prosthetic leg and being carried a lot and the other kids understanding that and not complaining about not being carried too which is something youd except to see with kids

and the kids choosing to speak mostly with sign too and richas having to learn with his leg and finding little bonuses like hiding lock picks, its so interesting and cool to see, just representation man, yk

and just the way such a short story is packed with happy little language things in general is sweet, hearing your own language after some time is always such a good feeling, cant imagine not hearing it for so long

or while the parents are communicating in english they still talk to the kids in their languages so they nurture their native languages and dont forget

and you nailed character voices and personalities so well, like you clearly worked on every character to figure them out and its so cool to see basically literally the qsmp characters in this story

the bagi and cellbit moment was a cherry on top, made me so emotional I love them

the possible/implied parallel to crimeboys/wil and tallulah was so hopeful

all in all such a sweet little story, 10/10 I cried

aaaa thank you so much this makes me so happy to hear how much you enjoyed it

yes exactly, a lot of hearing people, even well meaning ones, don't seem to realize how much hoh/deaf people have to struggle with feeling isolated. even if a hoh/deaf person can read lips, can hear a bit, has hearing aids, or even has a cochlear implant that doesn't mean they talking to people is easy. there's issues with background noise or not having people facing you when they speak or sometimes you just don't have the energy that day to put your everything into focusing on what other people are saying. I'm a hearing person but this was a common thing I heard about my Deaf teachers in my ASL classes when we learned about Deaf culture and audism. also, while of course I'm in no way trying to say my experiences are similar to that of a hoh/deaf person, I have an audio processing disorder so hearing is something I struggle with a LOT, specifically when it comes to communicating with others. if there's a lot of background noise, even if I'm standing right next to someone I might only catch ~60% of what they say and I have to use context to guess the rest. it's unbelievably frustrating at times.

so I figured that since q!phil is already so accommodating and aware of tallulah's 'asthma' in canon, I thought it just made sense that in an au where she's hoh he would be very attentive and would make sure to sign to her regularly so she won't miss out on what's going on.

richas babyyyy <33 when they're walking for long periods of time like that I figured it just made sense for the adults to want to take the strain off of richarlyson's leg by carrying him, but also I just thought the mental image of richas sitting on cellbit's shoulders was too cute not to include. benefits of having six parents is there's always someone around to carry you lol. also I thought of the lockpick thing and it was too funny not to mention. richas would 100% hide random things in his prosthetic if it had a compartment for that.

I had the rest of the kid prefer signing to talking for two main reasons: one, I thought it would be the way to interpret all of them using signs in canon to talk while tallulah is the only one who has hearing aids. and two, when you grow up in a world where being too loud means death, wouldn't you learn not talking is better? it's sad but I thought it made sense :(

the language stuff in general was so fun to play with. although it's definitely nervewracking to try and write in languages I don't know, I think it just feels more natural for the parents to speak to their kids in their first languages even when they're around english speakers. idk I just went off vibes for those bits and really enjoyed it. and then cellbit and bagi's entire Big convo I felt had to be in portuguese given how serious the subject matter was so of course they'd both have it in their first language, and I'm so grateful for the help I got with the portuguese there.

i've had several people tell me I nailed the character voices in lightning strike and that makes me SO happy because I was trying so hard. some of the members are easier for me to write (phil I'm used to obviously, cellbit idk why I just kind of get how he talks and don't have to think too hard) but then for others I put a lot of effort into making sure they sounded right (etoiles was the one I had to focus on the most because he has such a distinct way of talking but he's also so fun to write, bagi I've watched a lot of clips of recently so I had her voice but I still wanted to make sure I nailed her, and tina like etoiles has a fairly distinctive way of speaking so I thought over her lines a lot too)

I came up with the idea to parallel wilbur trying to find tommy and then wilbur coming back to tallulah with cellbit and bagi finding each other again after all these years while I was writing it and I was very happy with how that whole bit turned out :)

i'm so glad you enjoyed ty for this it made me smile a lot <33

#ask #lightning strike #jiksvokrat

[browniefox]

Alright, more Crisis Core, let's go! This one ended up being REALLY long (we got through two chapters), so I'm putting a read more some ways down so it doesn't kill people's dashes.

The boy said the line!

Yay, Cloud is finally here! He still clearly has the basic infantry model other than the head, but it does mean he stands in the casual almost sassy way they all do haha. In general, it's so weird but cute to see him smiling and laughing. Aw, he's not traumatized yet!

I knew what was coming, but my friend I'm playing with didn't, so it was fun to see her reaction (tho i totally still got so excited anyway haha).

This is just here bc I love them so <3 And then Tseng is also here being a third wheel. The sneaking portion that is right after this I sucked ass at. I couldn't make it five feet without being seen and tossed out, and I just had to wait until the game took pity on me and took the guards away.

Genesis, please I'm begging you just kill Hollander. I do love seeing his hair, once so bright red, getting grayer and darker, how his nice leather jacket is getting all broken, giving a sense that he's not taking care of himself and his things as much as he should be.

My sister has tried to stay more-or-less blind to what happens in Crisis Core (she knows some stuff, I know a little more) but all fics tend to use the same Loveless lines (which makes sense, of course) but I did end up reciting this quote with him bc it's one of my favorites, much to the shock of my sister.

I can't believe Zack really thinks Genesis died tho. Like, the guy has a wing, he can fly, falling is not gonna kill him. I'm still not totally clear what Genesis is trying to achieve, but I've been watching some of ButterBuns CCR videos and she's kind of given me a better sense of Genesis. He's just flailing around, trying to get something, anything, to work. He's a dying man who is desperate and doesn't even know himself exactly what he wants.

HELL YEAH! If the creators weren't cowards they would have let your models touch. Our new thing while playing is being proud of Zack for having two boyfriends and one girlfriend. The boy can get it.

As per usual, my biggest problem with this game is the writing - especially with Angeal, tbh. I guess Angeal is just like Genesis in that he's desperately trying to figure out who he is, monster or man. But every time he talks about being a monster I kind of roll my eyes. He's like an emo teenager. Last chapter I felt like it was getting a better grip and liking for him, but I'm kind of back to just being like 'what's your deal man'.

That being said, I kind of dig his weird monster form! It's a mishmash but super cool, and I love how his arms are folded in front of him. My friend and sister I don't think liked it as much and mostly made fun of it which, fair.

Mostly unrelated, but i really got myself into a big of predicament in that I'm super overpowered, which means I get through battles so quick, which also means I don't get to show off all the limit breaks and summons and such when we're playing ;-; but then I turn it to hard mode and die instantly.

I'm always a sucker for sad sunsets. I might not get Angeal or his deal, but I do at least buy that Zack cares about Angeal. It's kind of like Angeal was too set in his ways of monster vs heroes, and that a monster needs to be killed by a hero. That Zack is the only hero left to kill a monster like him, or that by doing so Zack proves he's a hero. But really all it's done is given Zack trauma and made him more uncertain than ever who he is and what he stands for.

(It kind of reminds me of near the end of Homestuck, when Dave and Dirk are talking, and Dave admits it's possible that Bro was trying to train him, but all it did was make him scared.)

I wish we got to spend more time in the game with Aerith, but at least you get the sense that they do spend more time with each other, especially with Aerith being there for Zack after this.

MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BOY! I wish your limit break looked cooler tho :P

Wait, so are Angeal and Genesis brothers then?? I knew they were connected through Gillian, but I guess how connected never hit me. I mean, Angeal defo has her hair while Genesis has her face, but also I've been imagining and seeing them as boyfriends this whole time???

So many mixed feelings about Zack right now. The first thing is yay, new hair cut! My sister absolutely hated his bangs, so big win for her. I do like that you get to see that, as one of the last remaining Firsts, Zack has started to take on more of a leadership and mentor role for the other SOLDIERs. However, him telling them to protect their SOLDIER honor is weird when Zack doesn't know what that is either. I've felt it, but I am glad Zack himself has acknowledged that he doesn't know what that honor is or what it means. I hope we get to see Zack figure it out. I also like that Zack is kind of unmoored and uncertain now. Puts him in an interesting place for whatever's next.

Beach episode! It is FUCKING INSANE to me that Cissnei just... tells Zack that Aerith is an Ancient. Why? What was the point of that? Cissnei, you can't just say that! I guess it could be seen as her trusting Zack and demonstrating she wants to help him, but it's still so weird. It's nice Zack has been said to be hanging with the turks more, but I wish we could have gotten more of that in game. I don't think he even knows Reno and Rude's names.

BOOO TSENG SHOULD BE IN A SWIMSUIT TOO BOO!

So I know Genesis is still alive, but interesting that this is beign considered since it's Sephiroth's whole deal. Tbh, tho, I'm not sure how I feel about Tseng openly acknowledging that Mako is life. How much is that recognized in general, actually? I mean, people do fade into mako when they die... hm, much to think about.

The chase through the city was so dumb, I've had it with Hollander, how hard can it be to catch and/or kill one guy for real. That being said, I do like how cool the buster sword is, and at the end is Sephiroth :D I'm glad that Zack seems a little bitter towards Sephiroth; they're both mourning in different ways, and it's driven a rift between both of them. But at the same time, they're the closest thing they both have to someone who can understand what they're going through.

Shoutout to Zack's little fidgets :D He's still a restless little puppy, despite it all. Sephiroth and Zack's relationship is just so good and interesting, I need them to hang out more so I can see more of it.

God Genesis is so pretty. Both him and Angeal have fucked up looking wings - which adds to what they're going through - but I actually love it for Genesis. Again, what is this dude's goal? He'll probably tell you once he figured it out himself. I love the reveal that he was also at Junon this whole time. Interesting parallel to how the Firsts fought 'at Junon' altogether and now they can't be further apart.

I need to pet that dog! Is Angeal still alive?? I totally thought he died, he has to be dead, right? Just living on in his copies? Anyway, the dog should be a character who manages to live forever because I love him. Also, laughed so hard when the little Shinra robots came into the church oh my god, it's not supposed to be funny I think but it's hilarious how non-threatening they look.

Wow Kunsel, jealous much?? Also, a little creepy? Is my boyfriend stalking me? If I trusted Kunsel, at this point I'd think he was going to betray me at some point, but I trust him too much for that. It seems more like Kunsel just doesn't know how to say 'I'm worried about you and you should talk to me about what you're going through'. I love Kunsel <3

As usual, this game feels like it goes too fucking fast. It's always one thing after another, nobody's talking or explaining things. Maybe it's because you're expected to do side missions every so often? That would probably break things up a bit more. God, there's such an interesting story here! I just wish it was told better.

Also I've been playing so much of this game and only just learned you can sprint :P

#browniefox speaks #ffvii #ff7 #crisis core #ffviicc #brownie plays ccr

[dangermousie]

More 2ha reread

It’s so interesting to see Mo Ran’s understanding in the past life try to work around the edges of the curse - not noticing inconsistencies in his own views which are blatant but the curse does not allow him to notice - for example, Mo Ran 1.0 remembers how TXJ even wondered at the contrast of how CWN was good to strangers and random people but so cold to his students; and the curse prevented him from thinking about this seeming inconsistency (even more inconsistent since the only two people MR would have thought he was bad to was him and Shi Mei since he knew (rightly) that CWN cared for Xue Meng.) The curse literally prevented someone as quick as he is to even wonder about why and how this was. It’s like his remembering thinking CWN was the last piece of warmth in his cold world when he was TXJ and he does not think why he thinks that of his enemy, why he thinks that his greatest joys and strongest emotions in past life were from CWN and not Shi Mei or conquest or whatever. You can tell he is beginning to snap out of it when he is wondering how he can lust after someone he hates so much - that’s because you don’t hate him!

Perhaps the most telling inconsistency is his thinking that he did three unforgivable things towards CWN in the original timeline and one of them was marriage (tho we don’t know that yet if we are reading for the first time) and he thinks of marrying CWN as the most gratifying thing in his life- marrying not defeating or fucking. (And he also feels guilt  for this and that the price was too high for making CWN kneel - once again, because he is waking up.)

One of the joys of a reread is watching the curse slowly lose its potency and Mo Ran regain not just more and more of himself in terms of feelings, but ability to reason. It’s like he’s waking up. He wants to make CWN angry and he does not know why (I know - because he wants attention!), his first reaction on seeing CWN asleep in a pile of his inventions is pity (and only later he remembers to gloat). He is “wow cool!” when CWN shatters a cursed tablet and a little later finds himself thinking CWN’s voice is pleasant to listen to now that he’s not filled with rage at the thought of him. It’s like watching someone detox! At one point, when MR watches the sniveling merchant family without feeling moved, the Russian translation says that the reason he is not moved is “Mo Ran was deprived of the feeling of pity” and that is basically a Russian phrase to say someone is lacking in that feeling but it struck me how accurate it actually is - because Mo Ran WAS deprived of the feeling of pity or any other warm and good feeling and only now they are slowly coming on line. 

But also, as a rereader, the cracks in Shi Mei’s perfect facade appear so clearly. For example, look at Shi Mei bringing wontons to MR after the whipping. If he truly was caring and wanted to reconcile, he’d tell Mo Ran who made the wontons instead of not only keeping it quiet but also trying to cause more trouble “oh teacher was too harsh on you” SHUT UP DUDE!

Speaking of Shi Mei - I still remember being so sad at the wonton revelation and thinking “if only Mo Ran knew in the beginning, things would be different” but the real tragedy is due to the curse it wouldn’t have made a damn lick of difference. If he knew, the curse would just have made him forget it. (Also, in your face Shi Mei, who constantly keeps prodding whether MR prefers the wontons or other stuff Shi Mei actually makes himself and MR always says wontons. Even MR’s tastebuds are devoted (Side note - did you notice that when MR is cleaning CWN’s library, he notices two cookbooks and they are both about Sechuan cooking - so spicy spicy spicy not what CWN himself likes - I nearly screamed because he clearly has them so he’d know how to cook wontons!) Btw, so grimly amused at SM trying to come up with excuses as to why he can’t randomly make wontons for MR, that’s because you don’t make them, liar!) 

It’s like the kiss in the mist - Mo Ran devours “Shi Mei” only to discover it’s CWN and you know, his body knew even when his soul didn’t because it’s clear only CWN evokes this mad desire in him. At one point, MR thinks that he does not feel desire for Shi Mei because he’s such a pure person but that’s the thing - MR is not asexual, he’s a strongly physical person so he cannot really love someone without desiring them and this is a huge red flag of how this is all fake.

So much of it reads so differently - Mo Ran thinking he is so grateful to Shi Mei for being the only one who does not despise his rough manners and habits and past when we know that Shi Mei loathes him and looks down on him and CWN is the one who truly does not care about any of it but cares about MR deeply. So much of this story is about seeming vs reality - even the seemingly random side quests deal with this - the seemingly respectable merchant family who are murderers and thieves, the seemingly perfect Rufeng sect that is anything but, the seemingly weak and gentle Shi Mei who is neither, etc etc etc. What people present themselves as and what they actually are is quite different. In a way, Mo Ran 1.0′s whole persona plays into this. Meatbun is so skillful about it - when you first read the book, between the continuous mentions that he used to be evil tyrant TXJ and Mo Ran’s own gonzo thoughts, what ends up hidden in plain sight is that except for Mo Ran robbing the hooker in the very beginning (when he is most under influence of the curse and just got TXJ memories to boot), he does not do anything whatsoever that is outside the realm of a slightly acting out teenager. I mean, drawling x-rated sketches in CWN’s unused books? Not being cuddling to crying strangers? (But still continuing with the mission to help.) LIKE THE KID DOES NOTHING BAD A GRUMPY TEEN WOULDN’T DO!

Not related, but the scene near the beginning where CWN eats alone and MR either is smug about that or one time he eats with him annoys him on purpose is so different from the latter scene where he sits and eats with him every day but also makes sure he eats well (one of my favorite sequences tbh).

#2ha #cnovel

[alexturne]

2, 4 (about 'sit next to me before I go'), 30, 41, 48 for the fic asks 🥰

Ooohh this is fun!!

Fluff (10)

Friends To Lovers (7)

Established Relationship (5)

Sexual Content (5)

Alternative Universe (4)

I feel like this is VERY representative of my stories 😂😂 fluff all the way!! And friends to lovers and au is really what I'm all about too!!! (Sprinkled with sexual content ofc)

I'm kinda surprised that I have 5 stories with established relationships because I feel like the majority of my ideas have to do with meeting and then falling in love OR realizing feelings after years of friendship. Those are definitely the stories I'm mostly drawn to write. But it makes sense that my three established relationship milex fics are the kinda sad ones 😂

Uh, first thing that pops into my head is definitely the bath scene! The way the scene is set, the ambiance, the way I can almost smell the bath products, see the flicker of the candles, feel the soft humidity on my face, the healing waves, the soft comforting darkness, it just exudes the exact vibe I was going for. I love incorporating all of the senses when I write and this felt so alive to me, I could feel it, smell it, see it all so clearly.

Also I really liked leaving in the details about Miles' clothes. In my head he was so clearly wearing the dark blue jumpsuit and those heeled boots and I enjoyed how I managed to show it in the story by having Alex help him out of it 😇😘

I think maybe my most out of my comfort zone is "you just ain't the one for me" mostly because it's told from Taylors pov and it generally features her, the sex scenes, having someone else witness Alex and Miles and not being inside either of their heads. It's just very different but I feel like it made sense for what I was trying to do. Even if I'm fairly unfamiliar with her as a person, I feel like the character I came up with for her made sense.

I feel like it made me braver in terms of what I can get away with. And to know that a lot of things can be shown instead of said or told explicitly. A lot can be left up for interpretation. Even if some people would've liked to know what happened next, I liked leaving it up to the readers. (I feel like it was fairly obvious tho😂) I also just like that it was something so different and people still liked it, so I know not to box myself in. I can be free and experiment with my stories and tell them in the way I feel makes sense, and still have people enjoy them ❤️

Oh, that's too many to count! I'm constantly in awe of the pure skill and talent of the writers in this fandom, and I'd love to pick up something from all of them. I love how @yellowloid is so good at the deeply intense romantic stuff, just diving so deep and making us feel it too. I love the absolutely insane level of detail and expertise of @elorianna s writing and the way she incorporates real life elements, I love the world building and the cutting edge characters of @thranduil-aran-edhil. I love the humour and ingenuity in plot and character in @girlinthepictureframe s stories, I love the way @stereobone sets the vibe and mood of the fic and how they say so much with so few words (something I'll never learn 😂😂), I love the absolute heart wrenching gutpunch @blacktrickle is able to write, I love seeing you use your real life profession as inspiration for the very best sickfics.. and so many many many more!!!

I love how people characterise our boys, I love how they come up with so many amazingly interesting settings, the level of detail in their aus and canon compliant stories, I love the fluff and the heartbreak.. and most of all I love how different they all are. And how I'm different from all of them too. And there's room for all of us, and so many more that I've forgotten to mention, and how we all learn and evolve as time goes on. My heart is full.

It's not a new one, but it's SO GOOD. The last fic I read was "Hotel Room" by weirdchick333 and it's just amazing. Their works are some of the very best I've ever read and I always find myself going back to read it when I've got a bit of time to myself. Highly recommend all of their absolutely incredible stories as they're just fucking class (but I assume most of you know that already 😂❤️)

Thank you so much for your lovely questions !!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#ask games #fic games #my writing #answered

[rosaniruby]

I've just read a few people say victor has daddy issues because he's so desperate to blame someone other than himself and even turns against his loving parent and like... victor hate aside that's actually such a cruel thing to say?? Hearing those stuff I think more and more how people treat victims in real life. No one wants to have 'daddy issues' for their own benefit, because there are no benefits and this is no one's choice.

Just because when you look at the parent and think 'hmm they're so supportive' doesn't mean they don't have terrible flaws, they were like this in the past or abuse isn't happening beneath it.

Like the situation with Alphonse calling his interests 'sad trash'.

You look at victor and him 'ungratefully' mentioning how his father's response wasn't ideal and it could partly be his fault he made the creature, even tho he's been telling us himself, right from the start, how perfect and ideal his parents are!! How dare he!! ; instead of looking at victor and see him understandably, as a human, as a child, feeling overlooked, and sometimes having his feelings diminished and beside that still trying to convince us how his parents were 'perfect!!' and 'never did anything wrong!!' while also showing us they did.

The one moment when he admitted his dad wasn't perfect and yet, at the very same time, kept telling us he WAS perfect. Then which is it? And why Victor words are contradictory?

Because he is an unreliable narrator while we can only know this story through his feelings or even only through what he wants to tell.

The reason why there are two correlating views isn't because he wants to blame him instead of himself like duh for the entirety of the novel he praises him. If he wanted to blame his father for his creation and everything he would have perfect circumstances for it - there not being anyone to deny his claims to Walton and having no actual proof for anything.

It is because even he sometimes couldn't deny he felt hurt.

Victims in real life can talk overly idealistically about their parents, and, even when they mention how they hurt them people think 'it wasn’t as bad as others', when victims say their parents were controlling it's 'at least they paid you attention and clearly did it out of love' when rich kids say their parents were neglectful it's 'well, at least you got everything you wanted and they spoiled you!'

And that is an incredibly cruel thing to say. No one wants to be abused or have bad feelings regarding their parents. That's just not the case. It’s okay to admit when the parent isn't perfect. People, fathers, mothers, do make mistakes. The world won't fall apart if you admit it instead of denying other's feelings.

And so, even if it's just a fiction it makes me feel so uneasy because it shows society's attitude and unawarness.

Everyone always asks the question how the hell Victor Frankenstein turned out like this if he had such a idealistic childchood😱. (Which isn't bad per se, it is supposed to make you wonder.)

And then abandon the thought instead of thinking hmm yeah maybe a person who learned to healthily manage their emotions wouldn't do the things he's done.

#why did it turn out this long #i was supposed to do my homework... #also #i'm not denying victor's father loved him #but most parent who traumatize their children love them in some way as well thats why its so hard #victor frankenstein #frankenstein or the modern prometheus #mary shelly's frankenstein #frankenstein #frankenstein the modern prometheus #the modern prometheus #gothic literature #goth lit #gothic lit #classic literature #classic lit #alphonse frankenstein #me defending victor

[jinkicake]

Adding back to my “Lilith died so Lucifer could get laid” theory. I read a fic years ago about Lilith meeting mc and mc wants to fight God (understandable) and Lilith isn’t mad she’s calm asf just happy to finally meet her and she’s like???? “Aren’t you pissed??? You literally died just to come back up to the celestial realm” And Lilith is holding back a laugh like “mc, beloved if I had ent died and the war never happened where would you be?” And she’s like 😀🙂 oh okay. Like damn,,,, we would have never gotten to meet them! And Satan wouldn’t exist🥲 like that’s so said to think and IK the brothers don’t want to hear that. So imagine like idk how marrying 7 people at once would go but it’s your wedding or some type of “we swear to be together for eternity” ceremony and it’s all fun and cool even some of the angels who were against them are there bc like CANNOT keep his mouth shut about his fav big sibling getting married and Michael was like oh it gotta be here for the drama👀 maybe diavolo would walk mc down the isle but like lmao he’s apart of my harem too💀 might have to wake his dad up for that one. Or they walk to us and Lucifer is the last to go for he feels this overwhelming familiar presence and freezes and god has to give a speech bc lmao he does what he wants CLEARLY. The brothers feel every emotion at once, sadness, fear, rage and confusion they don’t even know what to do as they were stunned into silence and diavolo is like 😅what do you need?? And he starts some long speech about how they’re still his kids and Lucifer was his favorite before he drops the bomb that he sacrificed Lilith so mc could be born bc their his soulmate💀 bc if mr all seeing eye can know the past present and future why ain’t he do something before?? Why did he let that human being born?? He sat back and watched lmao and Michael helped!! So he’s like “yeaaaaaahh remember when I told you you need to loosen up and get laid?,,,, we’ll nobody was good enough for you so I had to make your soulmate from hand🥰” and literally people are about to pass out bc HUH??? PEOPLE DIED MAN!! Michael is like “no yeah can confirm I thought it was crazy too when he first told me” Lilith is a lil salty bc she wasn’t in on it but 🤷🏿‍♂️ she took one for the team. Imagine belphie bc he’s always the quickest to anger when it comes to this flips his shit and is like?? What the FUCK is wrong with you so you know how much suffering you put us through??? And Michael pipes up and is like “are you mad when you’re getting your dick wet??? Okay then relax” Aiken can’t even be like “what an odd turn of events” bc they can get his ass too “yeah we sent you to this exchange program for a reason lmao. No offense but you are NOT my strongest soldier. Pussy had you in your knees more than prayer ik that was a set up.”😭😭so before he’s like yeah so mc was MY gift to you, uh your welcome! Bc it was FR only for Lucifer but he might have added a lil too much charisma, and when he gives his well wishes he sends a shit eating grin and a wink over to diavolo and makes a comment on how well his plan to unify the realms is coming along and he hopes to be In attendance for his wedding and he’s like “excuse me???” Barbatos can’t even see wtf he’s talking about😭 but like since Lilith wasn’t an angel or demon when she fell she was like a mix of both and mc is a human if they had a kid it would be all three🤭 rip tho bc they’re all gunna be way more possessive when they fuck you I fear. Now when they say shit like “you’re taking it so well like you were made for me” THEY REALLY MEAN IT Lucifer gets a little rush of serotonin when he sees you on your knees for him and he is reminded that it’s all for him, and nobody can stop him from destroying your insides come morning, Belphegor who would get hitter over remembering watching Lilith perish before his eyes looming at it in a new light and taking it out on you. “Aren’t you gunna take responsibility for all the trouble you’ve me? The time spent in the attic” when he’s making your brain liquid

omg this makes me wonder who the demons would choose... mc or lilith like i know they would pick mc but also... would they?

no but like what if michael did all that and then mc chose to be with like barbatos or simeon HAHAH for me they would win five times out of seven.... the only people im NOT choosing over them is luci and mammon...

#sarahandoikawatalkshit

[spiteless-xo]

I am devastated!!!!! You literally made me cry, not even an exaggeration, and I don't wanna talk to anyone right now.

I am done with reader's bullshit. She can fuck off. It's the first time I actually hate her. I was hoping that maybe MAYBE Eren is actually endgame and she realizes that she romanticized Jean to the point where she didn't think straight buttttt it seems like she still going after that asshole and she doesn't even flinch when our poor baby Eren is hurt like this. Like he was so hurt in this chapter it was physically hurting me too.

At this point we can clearly see that there still is hope for Jean and no chance for Eren. And you know what? I don't even want her to go after him she literally doesn't deserve him and she is a literal piece of shit (no offense to you Tiff your writing is just that good and I can't help my feelings lol). But I also don't want her to pin after Jean because he is a big black-hole sized asshole. I am done with this shit

Eren throwing the condom on the floor tho omgggggg nostalgia!!!!!!! Even this silly little thing crushed my heart into a million pieces

What the fuck I am so sad right now and I was already having a hard time at work 😩 I couldn't even enjoy the sexy stuff because it was THAT sad. I can't. I need to chill ☹️

I was actually excited at the beginning of the chapter. I was shaking from excitement and now I'm shaking from sadness and anger. I'm quittingggggggg (but not really)

I know I am complaining but I really can't help it 😂

😭🙏 oh no, i'm so sorry i made your bad day worse!!! go back and re-read one of the arc 1 chapters where everything was fun and light 😭😭 but thank you for sharing all your thoughts and feelings 💗💗💗

this chapter was very sad for me to write too like literally i was crying while editing the damn smut scene 💀💀💀 idek if it's sexy because when i read it i just get sad

#tiff.ask #lya-blueberry8 #tbaw.fic #aot

[adecila]

Are you saying even in irl cheaters aren’t always cheaters? And I’m reading this fic because you guys are amazing writers. I like the way you and mutt can put a story together. I don’t think it’s fair to tell me to stop reading your story because I don’t like one character tho

I was referring to the "once a cheater always a cheater" part—which is ironically the thing Ygritte uses to attack him again....like ashddhwjsj there's a reason Amy wrote her PR plant like that...

I'm saying that it's quite reductive to think that, by default, if someone cheated on their s/o once they will always cheat. You have to look at each situation in particular to imo be able to understand it, and even so, it's still quite unfair to instantly hold such an absolute belief, like it's either black or white, it can't be in between. Yes, some people have a problem and I'm not saying that's not true for them, I'm just saying that cheating doesn't happen in a vacuum. But that's a different debate.

Especially in this fic, in which Jon has explained what happened and the context of it all, it's quite baffling to say that. And he has expressed time and time again (from chapter 1 even!!) just how much he regrets it and has shown how much he's worked to be better.

It just perplexes me again and again whenever people read a fic that has cheating in any way just how black and white some insist on seeing things. Life isn't about absolutes. You can't think like that. Jon is a person who made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Good people can and will also make mistakes!! Just because they fucked up once doesn't mean that they're bad now (again, such absolutes and for what????) or that they will do the same thing again (to the same or to a different person). What matters is what we do after the mistake was made. And Jon has done everything in his power to learn from it and even thought he deserved all the shit Ygritte did to him.

And I've seen others hate on him too and it is truly sad to me because all he's been doing since chapter 1 is TRY TO BE BETTER. Do you know how hard that is??? Obviously the guilt was killing him inside (see the bad bender and the alcohol abuse) but he's worked through it in therapy. Like holy shit if you go back even 2 chapters before chapter 8 you can see how much he's still trying every single time. And I truly thought that the heart to heart he had at his flat with Dany will be eye-opening to many...seems like that's not that case.

Yes Jon cheated. Yes it was an awful thing of him to do. No Ygritte didn't deserve it. But Jon has admitted he fucked up and has been working through his mistake and he's been trying to be a better person.

And I appreciate the compliment, but idk what am I supposed to say to that? Because if after 107972 words you STILL say that Jon shouldn't be with Dany...it kinda makes me feel like we failed somewhere lmao like we've been showing so much of Jon dealing with his cheating and trying to be better for nothing. Like what does he have to do to be deserving of her? He can't go back in time and not cheat. So all he can do is move forward. And so far I think he's been doing fucking amazing. He's been respecting boundaries and promises and started communicating better with Dany. Just because he loves teasing her (because she enjoys it just as much if not more) doesn't mean he's treating her badly. That's just how he flirts?? And he's a very famous actor with a big ego like...I think he's acting accordingly!

Besides!! That kiss wasn't just sexual attraction for Dany. It was so much more than that...I thought it was obvious. Hence that big thing about her realising that Jon keeps choosing her when he could have gone with the simplest solution and dump her for Arianne.

If I said you should stop reading it was because I don't see the point of you reading a fic in which you clearly hate Jon, who is the other half of the ship. Like bestie that's a pretty important character to hate 😭😭😭 especially since the entire point of the story is getting Jon and Dany together! I just fail to understand how you could enjoy this fic if you think they shouldn't be together.

Still, you're free to do as you wish, obviously. What am I gonna do about it? 😭

#alice has mail #ftc #ftc!jon defence squad where you at??? #my man is trying just give him a chance...dany already has #the cheating debacle #anyway #protect ftc!jon at all costs

[andromedaexists]

Love Me Now || R.M. Virtues

★★★★☆½

TW: EXPLICIT SEX, ROUGH SEX, ALCOHOL/DRUG USE, VIOLENCE, MURDER/ON-PAGE DEATH, KIDNAPPING, ABUSE, TRANSPHOBIA

There are more TWs at the start of this book. R.M. is really good about listing all possible TW's, but that means the list is rather long. Please read it and pay attention to it.

Before I start this, I do want to say that I received an ARC (advanced reader copy) of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Another thing I would like to start off with. I know I've said it before, but I really think that some stories are not meant for certain people even if you love other stories by the same author. This series is a great example of that. I read book one (Drag Me Up) and Did Not Like It. That is okay! I also ended up reading just a few chapters each of books 2 (Keep Me Close) and 3 (Let Me In) before DNF'ing them. They were not stories for me.

HOWEVER, I ended up LOVING this book!

So let's get into it!

I actually do have a few things I didn't like here that brought my rating down to a 4.5 from a 5 star, so let's get those out of the way first:

The weird hyphen thing I mentioned with Drag Me Up is still present. It is not as common, but there were a few moments where I was drawn out of the atmosphere of the book because of the forced cadence

RM really loves ending these books with a sex scene. He really does. Which, in itself, isn't a bad thing but like the final chapters of both Drag Me Up and Love Me Now are sad or somber in tone. I just, I don't think it's appropriate for then to be going at it during these scenes (especially LMN, seeing as Patroclus is literally recovering from an autistic meltdown)

The therapy talk! OMG the therapy talk returns. Again, it's not as present or common as in Drag Me Up, but like I didn't come here for two very clearly unhinged characters to be teaching me morals about rage, y'know? (this book was tolerable, book 1 was not)

All of the trans characters (that we see the genitalia of) have all had bottom surgery. This isn't a bad thing, I just would have loved to see a character that didn't "fully" medically transition (I talked more on this in the review for DMU) like Sisyphus

Speaking of Sisyphus, RM made me like Sisyphus?? that should automatically dump this down to a 2 star read honestly I am Not A Fan of him in mythology. Book Sisyphus can stay tho. I like him.

But that's really all the qualms I had with the book! So let's talk about what I loved:

GAY AUTISTIC TRANS PATROCLUS FTW I love him so very much. A lot of me reading this book was just screaming about Patroclus and how much I love him omgggg

I also love that the contents of the prior books are summed up at the start of this book. Like, I am glad that I read Drag Me Up so that I have an idea of the world, but books 2 and 3 didn't feel like a necessity for me while reading this one.

I genuinely love the dynamic between Achilles and Patroclus. When I tell you I SCREAMED at my kindle every single time the two denied feelings for each other OMG. And then, AND THEN Achilles has the GALL to be soft and loving and adorable and accommodating to Patroclus' autism??? I need me a man like Achilles fr

When I tell you I screamed at the fact that Achilles knows Patroclus is sensitive to sound and he does everything in his power to accommodate that, INCLUDING covering his ears before he has to raise his voice?? I swooned omg

Speaking of Patroclus' autism, the way his autistic rage is portrayed. This is the closest I have come to seeing myself on page. The way that Patroclus processes everything is through the lens of rage, even if he seems calm and collected on the outside. I love that, like genuinely. This book does not shy away from showing the ugly side of neurodivergency. We need more of that in the world, we aren't all uwu pretty boys.

SPEAKING OF Achilles does not infantilize Patroclus AT ALL, not even when he's going through a meltdown! That's HUGE!! Especially for a love interest!! I love it sososo much!

There are honestly so many things I love about this book, a lot of the issues I had with the first book were resolved by the time this book came around. Like, the pacing was great, the characters were fleshed out, they were more than just their sex scenes, over all the vibes were just more put together.

I am so very glad I had the chance to read this book. I will be purchasing a physical copy of it and putting it on my recommendation shelf.

Some quotes I love:

He would follow this man anywhere. All the way to ruin.

It was anger. It had to be anger. It could be nothing else.

Fates, do not let me lose him here.

He put all his feelings in a blender until it all looked like wrath or apathy.

Oh, he would protect this man with his life. He invited the Fates themselves to challenge that.

He made Achilles soft. He made Achilles mortal.

No, as long as there was breath in his lungs, there would be hope.

Honestly there are so many more quotes I pulled out from this book, but I don't want to share too many since it doesn't officially release until the 30th! (I say, already nervous that the scope of this review might bee to in depth to release before pub day)

I would also like to throw in the chat that got to see my live reactions to the book here:

#andi reads #book reviews #booklr #bookblr #lgbt books #queer books #queer book directory #Love Me Now #RM Virtues #Gods of Hunger #honestly if my raw reactions to this book on discord don't sell it to you idk what will #i genuinely loved this book

[snuffbomb-awareness]

xXAmLuvsXx Summarized.

Keep in mind just like the Nadzarki situation/Summary I did, I am doing my best to simplify the information to key points. I might even forget some information, as it's a LOT. 

(I do have the Doc links to both situations for others to read on, but let's keep this post an OVERLY UNDERSTATED summary!)

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-One, while yes, was at first given the ok to go to remake clockwork, something happened to make clockworks creator change their mind. Out of respect, one would be sad, upset, respect someone's wishes and stop. (like lets not forget clockworks creator has/had to deal with so much harassment for just having their oc shipped with toby. to the point they no longer can work on clockwork as it causes severe anxiety and panic attacks. Something I relate too.)

XxAmLuvsxX HOWEVER, Keeps going on with their remake, even stating they knew they were ripping off clockwork at this point and calling them "Time-lapse" .



-When xXAmLuvsXx went to update Time Lapse, they ended up being called out for stealing clockworks' updated design to remake Time Lapse.  To the point where it was obvious that xXAmLuvsXx was purposely going out of their way to steal clockwork over all and "make her better" (rude.) Yet kept most of clockwork's story plots. so like..?

xXAmLuvsXx did admit on livestream to stealing this redesign as well.

-xXAmLuvsXx then lies about a friend dying of cancer to try to get well, sympathy while excusing them using that situation to write in TL's story.

-While we are at it, xXAmLuvsXx decides to also harass clockwork's creator but make this thing.

"Forcing Clockwork to bow." Again at this point, xXAmLuvsXx was actively ignoring Clockwork's creators wishes and was 100% fine with doing something like this to just add salt to the wound. Not the only artwork like this, they made on where clockwork is beating xXAmLuvsXx up and her oc steps in to K**l her. OH and another like this:

(Ok cool, I'm down to make AU ships but this is clearly just shitty behavior) - xXAmLuvsXx Would also harass ANYONE who drew clockwork.

-and WAIT there is MORE: Lets add, stealing another OC! This time a fan's child version of Toby. Yay!

-Toby's creator then, you know, not wanting this person to draw Toby since they were actively harassing their close friend. Of course xXAmLuvsXx doesn't care and won't listen. Ironic because Toby's creator actually reached out to help out xXAmLuvsXx when they were going through personal ab**sse but xXAmLuvsXx couldn't be bothered.

-after getting called out(first time), xXAmLuvsXx tried to play "this drama is too much, cant we be friends?" Including making ship art of clockwork and time lapse. -Moving on, She makes a black oc, who is trans then also called them a d/y/k/e, using many black stereotypes to make this oc, INCLUDING using the HARD R N-word. I remember seeing those, but I don't think anyone had time to grab SS. -Oh and is she done ab*ssing Clockwork? NOPE. Draws her OC getting R**ped by Clockwork. (the picture is also my header tho MEME'd) She then Laughs off people getting rightfully upset over this drawing. -xXAmLuvsXx MADE a hate Instagram account and attacked others OCs HARSHLY!! Just full on hate account. Think 2013 "ranting community" -Clockworks creator isn't the only one harassed, she also harassed another calling her things like "Bimbo" "Bimbopasta" etc Incase at this point you are wonder. "Wow this is shit but where does this end up?" WELP NOW I must get into the harder topics. Again i'm doing my best to summarize and i'm fully need to state that this IS being under explained by me. -xXAmLuvsXx Starts sending P**rn to minors! YEP. Time Lapse and Toby p**n Art, to a minor. ALSO flitting with said minor while at it but "Respecting the fact you aren't into woman" She then sends a picture of a P*rnstar to this same minor. (who for that time is 12 years old and lasted years) -She makes this same (at the time 13 year old) send her money to GO to a concert. of course not for free. It would be a commission, where xXAmLuvsXx instant suggested a NSFW commission. -At some point, xXAmLuvsXx got n*des from another person (not a minor) and threated to leak them if they didn't do what she wanted. (Which was PERSONAL information) -Then xXAmLuvsXx sends more NSFW to minors. (one being a 16 year old, who asked her to stop.) -Back to the 13 year old, xXAmLuvsXx tries to gaslight, and emotionally manipulate them "I thought they where a friend I could trust :( " -xXAmLuvsXx had also a private NSFW insta, that she TAGGED a minor (rping as clockwork) in. ONCE AGAIN, also of R**pe art with NO warnings for those sensitive to said topics. -THen sends stuff to a group chat filled with minors (14-17). Srsly WOMAN you are an ADULT! Find ADULT friends! Though you are an danger to minors and have proven you DON'T care. - MY GOD, This WOMAN! Then starts FAKING (proven) Game ending, and weaponizing S*lf H*rm. (She would use both repeatedly to keep friends under her control) One image she sent of her SH was off of google images. Then TRIES to blame the minor she groomer for her game ending! Or attempted to frame it this way. -This:

This time she also posted pictures with a knife and more threats of Selfdeletion... oh, and threatens to harm friends who try to reach out to help (even after all this shit) -weaponizes her own ab*se, stating "even though im a survivor of ___ and ab___." To try to avoid accountability. -She also started to steal (rather lie) money, and states she would need it for food, but in reality it was for cosplays or concerts! (also once again some of these ppl being minors) There is A LOT MORE! But honestly going through this again to write this all down (AND YET STILL ALOT, im sorry) There is SOOO many things, too much for me to list. I'm already feeling mentally drained thing and revisiting all this. TLDR: xXAmLuvsXx is a narssistic abuser, not ashamed of gr**ming Minors, Threaten, harassing and ab*sing anyone. Does NOT respect boundaries. and will weaponize SelfH*rm, Self deletion and their Ab*se and r*pe to avoid accountability. Is fine using slur like the hard N-word, F-Slur, etc.

#creepypasta #TRIGGER WARNING #FOR THE LOVE OF GOD #r*pe tw #Gr**ming TW #Self H TW #xXAmLuvsXx #clockwork #time lapse #creepypasta fandom