#this is very delayed because i've been too busy to sit down and finish it until now and it's kind of a mess

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Hellooo i’m sending you a request if you’re up for it (it’s heavy, sorry 😑) What if Y/N and Harry were good friends and a bit more, but she has been sexually molested as a child and she has never told anyone apart from her mom and her therapist. And they’re coming home from a very cute date but she starts feeling really bad when they start making out and he wants more… (I’m not sure if she’d tell him though)

Hello friend! Yes of course! I think it's important to have stories like this revolving around traumas and painful situations that are very real and that so many people have experienced and it's important to acknowledge that. I appreciate you sending this request in! I apologize for the delay, I've been so busy so it took me a bit to have some time to sit down and write this I definitely didn't want to half-ass something this important, so thank you for your patience. I I hope it lives up to your expectations 🫶🏻

And of course, if you or someone you know has been SA'ed it is never too late to get the mental health help you need to start the healing process and to work through this trauma. You deserve closure, healing, and all of the unconditional love & support that therapy can provide! 🩷

Warnings: Mentions of childhood SA (nothing detailed, it's more of a narrative timeline) but can be extremely triggering, description of panic attack symptoms

Truthfully, Y/N had been really nervous to date Harry. He was one of her best friends ever and she was just nervous that if they crossed that line and didn’t actually work that it would make their friendship weird for a bit. However, that wasn’t the case at all. Harry had been extremely thoughtful with how they transitioned from friends to more. They already spent a lot of time together, but he was far more intentional to adding alone time with her now. And when they would it was easier for them to flirt, to touch, to openly show their feelings for each other without their friends teasing them about it or something. It was really nice; it felt so natural to hold hands to be nonstop giggling and making eyes at each other. They had so much fun together.

“It’s not a competition, you know?” Harry mumbled softly as he briefly glanced over to the ceramic mug she was painting and he chuckled.

“It never is when you’re not the best at something.” She teased with a giggle and he scoffed and she peered up at him to see him playfully glaring at her.

“I’m just not artsy or creative in this respect.” He defended himself.

“Neither am I. I just steal creative people’s ideas off of Pinterest.” She said as she painted another little smiley face onto her mug and he chuckled.

“Despicable.” He muttered as he just made another big stroke onto his mug. He had just gone for a vertical rainbow theme because he couldn’t be arsed with all the little details that she was working on. She giggled as she put the finishing touches on her mug. She hadn’t even done anything that complex. Her mug was a white base color and she had just drawn a bunch of little colorful smiley faces around it.

“What color should I do the handle?” She asked and he glanced up at her work.

“Mmm… the yellow.” He suggested. And she hummed and went straight for that color and started painting the handle. “Are we exchanging mugs?” She asked.

“If you want to.” Harry responded as he added his final layer to the color he has just put down.

“Just so we have little reminders of each other.” She shrugged and he smiled.

“You already live in my head rent free, love” He assured flirtatiously, “But I’m not opposed to more.” He added.

“Settled then.” She smiled as she put the paintbrush down.

After another few minutes they were turning their mugs in to the girl up front and she let them know they could come by in a couple of days to pick up their mugs. They thanked her and left the little shop. Harry's arm draped over her shoulder and pulled her close as they made the walk back to his car.

"Are you hungry at all? Even just for a snack? Or do you want to come back to mine for a drink and a film? Or I can just drop you off at home." he said and she leaned her head against his shoulder as they walked.

She wanted to go to his and watch a film but she was nervous that it would lead to more. Harry was really respectful though and she felt comfortable around him and quite safe, which would be enough to make anyone else just trust him and agree to going over. But that's the issue, she had felt safe around the people in her life growing up only for someone to violate that trust. And logically she knew Harry would never even think of doing something to hurt her but a part of her would always be on the fence, she couldn't trust anyone blindly ever again.

"Y/N?" he asked again she snapped out of her thoughts.

"Oh ummm, let's just go to yours." she said to him and he nodded. She just decided to do what she wanted to do because she deserved a shot at a normal relationship. She deserved to be with someone that made her happy. She deserved to feel beautiful and desired by someone who she also saw in the same way. She deserved to be happy.

Being a single mom and mother to three daughters, her mom had been so thorough and open about SA and about what was considered inappropriate for any man or woman to say or do to them at any age. And she had told them that if anything ever happened to any of them that they could trust each other and that they would always believe each other. Y/N was only 10 when a close family friend molested her, so when this man had done what he did she was fully aware that he had in fact molested her. She was afraid to say anything because he had threatened her and warned her about what would happen if she told anyone. In her mind she thought this meant that it was a one time thing and that he'd leave her alone from then on. But then he came back a second time and a third time. But that third time was when he decided to get personal satisfaction out of it and she knew that he only escalate his actions from then on so despite all the fear in her body she told her mom immediately after and she took the necessary legal steps and got her in to see a therapist just a week later. People assumed that speaking up sooner somehow "helps" survivors, but in reality that's a bunch of bullshit. You could speak up right away but that thing still happened to you. Whether it's happened once or multiple times, you're still affected by it. The man even went to jail, but that didn't take away that part of her that she felt had been stolen from her.

During her Uni years she joined a therapy and support group of adult survivors of childhood SA and in hearing the stories of some of the people there she felt like she wasn't trying hard enough to overcome her own trauma. She just needed to take matters into her own hands and move on. So she started to see a guy that she really liked and she fell in love with him and she decided that she wanted him to be her first. She knew she wasn't ready for sex, but she loved the guy so she thought she'd at least try. And things were alright until he was about to finish and she just had to stop. She had a full blown panic attack and after that time she just kept to herself. Her friends would always try and set her up with people but she didn't want to explain everything to them. She mainly talked her to mum, sisters, or therapist about it when she needed to talk about it. She didn't want people to look at her like she a victim or like something was wrong with her. She had come through a lot of her trauma, but sometimes she'd experience the hurt again or get triggered by things and it felt like she'd made no progress at all. It was a long uphill battle.

So when Harry asked her out she immediately talked to her therapist about it because she wanted this to work with him. She met Harry in school when they were about 12. Their family had moved after what had been done to her and he was one of the first friends she'd made in school. They'd grown up together, they'd been friends forever, and while she had liked him on and off for many years, when he asked her out he told her that he'd loved her since they were 16 years old and that he had never tried anything before because he wanted to have his shit together when they finally dated and well, it was mostly together now. She was working extra hard in therapy because she didn't want to have a panic attack when he was about to blow his load again. She craved to be physically intimate with him and she wanted to be ready when the time came. She was in love with him and well, he was in love with her, it was the natural next step.

"You're so quiet, love. What's on your mind?" Harry asked her as his thumb rubbed along the side of her hand.

"Oh nothing, just thinking about random stuff." she said with a small smile and he nodded, but he wasn't sure that it was nothing.

They'd known each other for a really long time and upon them changing the nature of their relationship she became a bit more guarded than she had been in the past. It was subtle, but he knew her well and he noticed it quickly. He knew he needed to build trust with her as a partner as well, because they had it as friends, but this was an even more multifaceted and complex relationship than just a friendship. Harry wanted to build the rest of his life with her and he was eager to prove to her that he could make her happy in every way.

"Do you want tea or coffee? I also have..." he paused as he opened up his fridge, "Beer." he said as he turned to her and she smiled.

"I'm alright." she assured as she slipped out of her sneakers and padded over to the kitchen after him, "Maybe just a snack?" she asked as she meandered to his little pantry and she looked inside and saw a bag of chips. "May I?" she asked showing him.

"Course." he assured and so they headed off to his bedroom.

They got comfy and he switched on the TV before they settled on "She's the Man" a classic really. They were sitting close, the sexual tension brewing, simmering steadily between them. He knew that Y/N didn't really date all that much and that she also didn't sleep with people for fun so he didn't want to move to quickly when she was evidently more slow about that so he was pleasantly surprised when she called his name and just looked at him for a moment before she reached up to kiss him. He kissed her back tenderly, but kiss after kiss, things started to escalatate.

Y/N's body was buzzing, she wanted him so badly. She was turned on, which was not something that happened to her often. And she couldn't help it but desire to be closer to him. It was completely instinctual when she reached around his neck and pulled him down to her as she settled herself into his mattress. Their lips smeared together sloppily and desperately, they were breathing hard and their hearts were beating fast. Harry made a move to escalate things by straddling her lap and suddenly the good feelings went away and her skin started to crawl with fear and disgust. His weight over her made her feel discomfort and her stomach started to twist. She felt his erection pressing into her and it suddenly felt like too much as her mind flashed back to the past. She couldn't help it as her tears started to fall and her breathing shallowed.

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Please stop." she mumbled and Harry immediately moved off of her and she sat up and started to cry. She was struggling to catch her breath and he frowned.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's the matter." he asked her with concern. She was gasping for air through her tears and so he reached for her hand that was over her chest and she flinched and his frown deepened. Was she afraid of him, "Y/N, love." he called to her, "S'just me." he said extending his hand to her and she took it and squeezed it tight, "I'm here. I'm right here." he assured her as she started to calm herself, it seemed like she had done this before and that made his heart break. "I'm sorry if I pushed you too far. I should've asked before I did that, I'm sorry." he apologized with so much sincerity in his eyes and she shook her head.

"You didn't do anything wrong." she sniffled as she squeezed his hand, "It's me." she said and he frowned, "I'm ummm..." she stopped and started to cry again harder. Her cries turned into full on sobs.

"Oh love." He said softly, "Can I hold you? Is that OK?" he asked her and she nodded.

"Please." she whimpered and he just scooted in beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"I've got you." he assured her quietly and held her until she had calmed down enough that she could breathe normally again she was just quiet as he held her for a bit.

The thing that kept coming up in therapy over the last 2 sessions was the topic of her opening up to Harry about what had happened to her. She knew he would understand, but she was afraid that he'd view her as damaged or a victim or that he'd just feel sorry for her all the time. She didn't want him to think of her like that and opening up to him provided opportunity for that to happen. Her therapist reminded her that it would help him understand her better and be more patient with her as their relationship progressed. She had even informed Y/N that sex therapy was a thing they could look into in the future to help her be able to take control of her sexuality again. She had expressed to her therapist the want to have a healthy sexual relationship with Harry and she loved him, she hoped that he'd be the person she had kids with, she was looking ahead and she wanted to have it all with him, but she couldn't tell him yet.

"I'm so sorry." she finally said and he shook his head.

"No, love. Don't be sorry, it's alright." he assured and she shook her head.

"It's not. It's really not and-"

"Hey, I'm not with you just to have sex." he said to her, "Do I want to, yeah! Of course." he said and she sniffled, "But I love you and I don't need that to be happy with you and it certainly doesn't change how I feel about you. We can take our time, yeah? " he assured her and she sighed.

"Like I...want that too, I want to just do whatever I want with you but i just...I can't yet." she said softly, "And I'm scared. I love you and I trust you but I am so scared." she said and he nodded.

"That's OK. I'm scared as well of like...how this will change everything, but you're worth it to me. You're worth all the hard work I've put in on myself, I've been trying to get better all this time so that I could be good enough for you." he said and she turned in his hold and looked at him.

"Seriously?" she asked and he nodded with a caring smile.

"Yeah, love. Told you, I've loved you forever. I always will love you, there's no doubt about it." he smiled and she exhaled shakily.

"Oh, I love yo so much." she said and hugged him tight and he hugged her back. "I want to be open with you about everything and I...I just need a little time t-to be able to explain why I am the way I am." she said and he pulled back from her hold and grabbed her face.

"Look at me." he said and her glassy eyes met his, "There's nothing wrong with the way you are. And of course I want to know everything there is to know about you, but somethings just take time, OK? So don't feel like you need to push yourself on my account. I will be here with open arms and all the love in the world whenever you're ready, OK?" he said to her and she nodded and he wiped a few tears from her cheeks.

"Thank you." she said with so much gratitude. He had no idea how much what he said meant to her.

"No need to thank me, love." he assured and she smiled, "I know you'd be patient and understanding with me too." he said and she nodded.

"Yeah." she smiled, "Can I have another kiss?" she asked and he looked at her for a moment, "Promise I won't cry." she smiled and he shook his head.

"That' not what I was thinking." he said with a small chuckle.

"Then what?" she asked and his smiled dropped a bit.

"I just want to help make it better, whatever it is." he said and she had so much adoration for him in her eyes.

"You already are." she assured him and he smiled and kissed her lips once more.

"Want to have a cuddle?" he asked against her lip and she nodded, "C'mon then, love." he said as he leaned back against the pillows and she fit herself against his side. She would have to let her therapist know that she hadn't been able to tell Harry about her past yet, but she'd taken a step forward, a small step but it was a step in the right direction and for that, she was extremely proud of herself.

#harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles request #harry styles drabble #writing #0nlythrowharrybeaux

[surely-galena]

This new bday event system is just so funny to me, esp bc after the in event day ends and Vyn says goodnight to us, the timer counts down for like... 7 seconds (at least for me). Then we can start the next day.

Vyn: Goodnight, Rosa. [Rosa lies down next to him, only to sit up a minute later] Vyn: Is something wrong? Rosa: No time to sleep, the next day has started I need to debate! Vyn: ... Vyn: It's been less than 10 seconds. Rosa: Byeee! Love you! Vyn: ... [The next time he saw Artem, he made sure to bring up his second doctorate every sentence]

Hi Rose! :D

Sorry for the delay, I've been very busy lately and haven't had much time to write anything in my tumblr drafts.

But I'm here now! Honestly the countdown was also so funny to me, too. The really quick ones (less than 10 seconds) at least allow you to look at your tasks and claim rewards, but some of the resting times are also really long (12 hrs and 36 hrs). I guess MC chugs on very little sleep for a few days and then simply CRASHES, haha.

Also, the other hilarious thing to me about the event was the finding objects minigame. I liked that when you tapped on the objects, they disappeared from the scene, but the funny bit was when finishing the minigame would bring me to the next scene -- because it would be set in exactly the same place... and everything I cleaned up would return to their previous positions. Of course this is because the pre-cleaned version (so to speak) is the default background, but I just found it very amusing.

After I got the hang of the birthday event system, though, I found it was a really interesting way of pacing out the scenes / timeline of events! Something something joy found in even the most mundane of moments I guess.

Thanks for the ask!

#tears of themis #asks #roshie-writes #vyn richter

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Healing Ties - Chapter 29 - Part 2

*Warning: Adult Content*  

The guards at the door to the spire recognised Yore and let him in without hesitation.

That was the other reason he came in human form.

He liked the orcs well enough but he didn't have much faith in their ability to tell one wolf from another.

One thing Yore didn't enjoy about the spire was the number of stairs it contained.

His grandmother had had his room moved to the ground floor when he was recovering and had never moved it back but hers was still half way up the spire.

His knees were not a fan of the experience.

Finally, Yore reached the door to his grandmother's room and knocked.

"Come in," she called out from within.

Yore opened the door and stepped inside.

Yore's grandmother was sitting at a small table in front of the large glass window that showed off the view, sipping tea.

Yore wasn't sure it was worth what he'd just done to his knees but the view from up here, overlooking the sea, was stunning.

It was nothing like his tiny cabin in the woods back home.

Not that he disliked his cabin or living in the woods but this was certainly a different experience.

Yore's grandmother gestured to the chair opposite her.

"I've just finished my lunch. Sit."

Yore obeyed.

For a woman with several great grandchildren, she really wasn't that old.

In her early sixties or so.

She had always been a healthy woman and her own mother had lived well into her nineties.

Yore wished her a long life, both because the situation around his own inheritance had become complicated and well... because he loved her.

Some of his earliest memories were with her and she had played as big a part in raising him as his own mother.

"You're late. You were supposed to be here days ago."

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I was... delayed. Mum sent messengers, didn't she?"

Yore's grandmother inclined her head.

"One to tell me you were missing and one to say you'd returned. They told me a little about what happened but I'd like to hear it from you."

"A friend of mine, a mage, had been trying to find someone he was close to when he was still a slave for some time. I came across the young man completely by accident, lost, hurt and afraid. I needed to get him back safely but as you might imagine, that slowed me down quite a bit."

Yore's grandmother pushed a cup across the table to Yore and poured him some tea.

"You just... found him?"

"Hmm. It's interesting how things work out sometimes. Almost like fate."

Yore's grandmother gave a firm shake of her head.

"Leaders have no use for fate. Leaders take credit for their achievements and responsibility for their mistakes."

"Of course. I just meant that it was fortunate. I can take credit for the work I put into bringing him back but our paths crossing in the first place was nothing but chance."

"Sometimes we do get very lucky. Or unlucky. If there's one thing that's for sure, it's that life isn't fair."

"Yes. I've seen that for myself."

"And felt it, too, I imagine."

"Hmm."

"So. Have you been making any progress towards giving me a great grandchild?"

Yore hesitated. He hated that question.

"I'm just not sure the time is right. I'm always busy. I want to be a good father."

"What are you waiting for, exactly? As long as you're my heir, you won't ever not be busy. That's just your life. It's not like you can free up a week or two to raise a child. That takes years, Yore."

"Hmm."

She sighed.

"But I'm not sure this is a point I want to press too much. There are some things you're better off not confiding in me about. But Yore... people are getting impatient. They started asking questions over a year ago. At this point, they've moved on to demanding answers."

"I know."

"I don't want it to come to a power struggle, Yore. For many reasons. We don't need the conflict and none of your cousins can fill your shoes, though many would like to try."

Yore took a sip of his tea.

"I can deal with them."

"Can you? In your condition?"

"Yes."

"I hope so, Yore. I hope... many things. I've been preparing you to one day take my place since the day you were born, and you've never disappointed me. Your cousins... they just want the power. They don't understand that leadership is about responsibility. If you're doing it right, it's a heavy burden."

"I know."

"On the other hand, if you can't produce a child of your own..."

"Then I can't inherit. I know that too."

"It's important, Yore. Genuinely. Many believe it's about the bloodline but..."

She waved a dismissive hand.

"What sense does that make? Anything of value in our blood would have been diluted over the generations. We're not special. What is important, though, is knowing who our next leader will be and fully preparing them for the job. You need a child."

"Hmm."

"And, being a man..."

She gave a small shrug and finished off her cup of tea.

"Anyway, Bethus and Lou are still squabbling and Orion's pack is dealing with an infestation of imps..."

Later that evening, when his grandmother was done with him for the day, Yore returned to his room at the base of the spire, stripped out of his clothes and lay down on his bed.

He wrapped a hand around his flaccid cock, already feeling sick trepidation in the pit of his stomach.

It had been almost a year since he'd last tried this.

His body had been about as healed as it was likely to ever be by then so he didn't expect anything to have changed but he couldn't just give up on this.

He needed a child.

He wanted one, too.

He had always wanted to be a father but his own mother had been young when she'd had him.

She'd had to rush into motherhood because if her child was to inherit, she would have to be the first of her siblings to have one.

He didn't have to do that.

Or at least, that's what he'd thought before all this had happened and it had become uncertain whether he could father children at all.

Yore shook those thoughts out of his mind.

Neither duty nor fatherhood would arouse him.

He took a deep breath in, exhaled and let his mind wander to mouths and hands, cocks and asses.

He tried to keep things vague and non-specific, to arouse himself with the very concept of sex but soon enough his mind drifted and there was Fanner's beautiful face.

Yore pushed those thoughts away.

The young mage was handsome, to be sure but allowing himself those kinds of thoughts would only complicate things.

He couldn't be what Fanner needed and as a Companion, Fanner was likely to gravitate towards any sign of attraction.

He thought about Hamish instead, the last person he'd had sex with before he'd become unable to.

He had been the first and only human Yore had ever had sex with.

Yore hadn't wanted to get into any sort of relationship or get tangled up in a situation where he felt like he was deceiving someone on a personal level by keeping the fact that he wasn't human from them.

Hamish, though a good friend, had been disinterested in intimacy beyond sex.

It had worked out well for both of them.

Yore had been so concerned about hurting him but Hamish had been eager and unafraid.

He had known Hamish was experienced and more than a little sex obsessed but he hadn't expected him to take to things with someone significantly larger than himself with such confidence.

Yore hissed and yanked his hand away as he felt a sharp pain in his shaft.

He had just barely been starting to get hard but that was gone in an instant.

He carefully lifted his cock and was unsurprised by what he saw, a slight reddening of blood coming from his urethra.

Yore sighed and abandoned the idea.

This was one pain he couldn't just ignore and do what he needed to do.

[precipitin]

ask game, tagged by @extremebooty

rules: answer all the questions and tag NO ONE !!!!!

fav color?: a deep forest green. love green

currently reading?: i WAS reading Fables (the comic) but i actually finished the bulk of it. i still have to read the fuckin... batman crossover which i'm delaying because i don't really know anything about batman but it's apparently canon so i'll read it eventually. the only other thing i haven't read besides that is the comic adaptation of TWAU but like... i JUST played the game, i'm not hard pressed to go through it again in comic form right now. i probably will go through it eventually. other than that i checked out a complete collection of Grimm fairy tales on my hoopla app so whenever i want to faff about on my phone i just open that and read some. it's all of them so i get to go through the popular ones i've already read in the past or at the very least seen adapted in pop culture and also the less known ones for the first time

last song you listened to?: i'm listening to music RIGHT NOW!!!! it's Never-Ending Waltz by Snow White Blood. beautiful symphonic metal song about the tale of Cinderella. SWB quickly became an absolute favorite of mine and I keep listening to their songs. Ulli's operatic vocals with the heavy instrumentals is incredible, and all of their songs are about fairy tales (all except 2 cover specific tales, You Belong To Me is just a subversion of happily ever afters and The Court Jester is an original tale. also a cover of P!ATD's The Emperor's New Clothes which i love way more than the original but that's my own bias because it exudes evil unhinged woman vibes). my favorite is Hamelin because it slaps so hard and also pied piper my beloved. okay i spent too long typing it's actually You Belong To Me playing now lmfao. if anyone is reading this and checks them out umm tell me 😳 i simultaneously am afraid of and also want to share songs that i love

last series you watched?: OKAY I AM NOTICING A TREND LMFAO i was watching the anime Grimm's Fairy Tales Classics............ i was doing some little tasks on my computer and i wanted something to have on in the background that would be nice but not too distracting. i got to the bluebeard episode iirc. read bluebeard recently too actually. other than that i haven't been watching... anything... i keep saying i'm going to catch up with WWDITS but i'm keeping myself busy with reading or games or drawing so i don't really want to sit down and commit to watching something :/

sweet, savory or spicy?: sweet. not like sickeningly sweet but i cannot deny my love of little treats

craving?: a ripe pear. pears are so good. i have one but i'm about to have dinner so i'm justing thinking about it

tea or coffee?: TEA i'm drinking a london fog right now because it's the absolute best. but i also had a coffee earlier so kinda both. i was making really good jasmine milk tea too but i ran out of jasmine tea :/

working on: seeing doctors and trying to sell stuff so i can pay to see more doctors

this game dies with me unless anyone particularly wants to do it in which case just say i tagged you in it, none will be the wiser.

also i took too long typing still and the song playing changed to Secret Passion by Imperia

#postin #get rambled at idiot #ive never done an ask game this is fun #i mean tbf i dont really post much either. i keep saying i will but im barely on much anyway #sorry this is long i'd do a readmore but i uh actually didnt know how and didnt think about it and im on mobile bc im doing stuff #L

[professorthaddeus]

Mother, Father. This will be my final letter.

You know, I used to find the two of you everywhere. I would see the love I betrayed in the faces of families who are whole. I would hear your terrified screams in laughter. I would see your bodies twisted in agony in the flickering of a campfire. I would feel your blood on my hands every time I cast a spell.

I would find you everywhere, and so I held fast to the possibility that I would bring you back.

Today, I relinquished the chance of it ever becoming a reality.

I could have gone back and saved you. It would have worked. There were puzzle pieces in that chamber that I would have clicked into place; there was magic buried in those relics that I would have unlocked and unleashed.

I would have joined the ranks of mages of myth. I could have unraveled everything.

The chamber is nothing but ashes now.

I still find the two of you everywhere. Your dreams for my potential are in the spells I learned from Essek. Your hope for the Empire is in Beauregard’s pen as she fights for our people, stroke by stroke. Your love is in the grin that Veth shines on her son when he fires a toy crossbow at the ass of a local shopkeeper.

I miss you. I love you. I am sorry.

I hope I can still make you proud.

~

Caleb closes that worn, leather-bound book for the last time. Tucks it back beneath his arm, stands, walks to the entryway of his tower. His hand shakes as he reaches for the handle.

Well, you and the Nein got me to the door. Now I have to walk through it.

He takes a deep breath, then takes his first step outside.

He arrives in Blumenthal alone, visits their graves, leaves his letters in the ground.

And he gets to work. But in this, he is not alone.

Beauregard is there, matching every armload of books he carries with two of her own. They spend their days compiling records and narratives, wielding the truth both in court and behind the scenes—children of the Empire leaving their home better than they found it for the children who will come after them, just as they always vowed.

What wasn’t planned is this: a couple times every week, Beauregard drags Caleb out of the library. They teleport to a remote cottage in a location that few are privy to, where Yasha will have started preparing the ingredients for a new recipe from Caduceus. The instructions are often passed through a jumbled chain of Jester’s messages, and there always seem to be a suspicious number of bugs included for supposedly vegetarian dishes, but they make it work all the same. On more than a few occasions, Caleb plays referee while Beauregard and Yasha spar, safe in the knowledge that their attacks are of their own free will and they will never truly harm each other again.

Jester and Fjord spend much of their time on the open sea, but Jester’s voice is never far from Caleb’s ear. She tells him of everything from her newest tattoo victim to an encounter with a dragon turtle with a grudge, from a shanty about dicks she came up with on the fly to an update on a young half-orc girl Fjord has taken under his wing. Every once in a while, Jester will demand a reunion, too. Some of them are out of necessity—such as when Uk’otoa finally comes knocking and Fjord can no longer sail the other away—but many are not. They meet in Nicodranas when the Nein Heroez docks for a pastry run, they meet in Hupperdook for a night packed with drinking contests and celebone sticks and hugs for Kiri, they meet on Rumblecusp when life becomes too much and the nine of them sorely need to fuck off to a vacation. Soon, even Darktow is open to them, once Kingsley has unseated the Plank King and lifted their ban from the island. His reign is long, and it is magnificent. Until he grows bored.

Caduceus joins them for every mandated reunion, but for the most part, he tends to his garden or explores the world on his own. But he is never out of reach, and when he does not come to the rest of them, they go to him. It is not uncommon for Caleb to arrive in the Blooming Grove to see Beauregard already meditating by the pond. Other times, Fjord will be there drinking tea with Caduceus, and the three of them will share a quiet conversation, each far more secure in their words than they’d been over fish and chips all those years ago. Often it is just Caduceus and his parents and siblings, and Caleb will be invited to a family dinner in a home that Ikithon could not burn down.

Veth remains a constant in Caleb’s life. Of course she does. Sometimes, when the two of them are teaching the neighborhood kids how to point a copper wire, or reminiscing over a glass of sherry, or simply talking while she weaves flowers into his hair on the beaches of Nicodranas, he’ll think back to his old fears of losing her to her family and laugh. After all, how could such a thing be possible when he is a part of her family himself?

There are others, too.

Countless students who pass under his tutelage and grow into young mages who know that power should be used to protect, not to manipulate. A cat—well, there are many cats, but there is one in particular that Caleb does not own, a snowy white fey cat who slinks in and out of his classroom as he pleases, whose eyes seem to flash when the Martinet arrives to have a word, who settles into place around Caleb’s shoulders with a purr when the rare nightmare returns.

An unexpected kinship with Yeza, forged at first through mutual respect and an understanding in their love for Veth, but eventually growing into a friendship in its own right. It is one that unfolds in quiet nights by stacks of books, in gleeful debates when comparing notes on magic and alchemy, in exhausted evenings watching over Luc together while Veth takes a girls’ night out to cause some chaos with Jester, Beauregard, and Yasha.

His old friends, who, try as they might, never seem able to sever the threads that have always tangled their fates together. It is Eadwulf who comes around first, with the silent offering of a bottle and a grim smile as he and Caleb crumble the bricks of Vergesson to dust. Astrid takes time. It makes sense—she has always been a fantastic dancer, and for a while, it appears they will be trapped in a precarious political tango forever, stepping around each other in their roles as the Archmage of Civil Influence and a simple teacher who may or may not be practicing treason in his classroom. But in the shadows, Astrid pulls a few strings to keep Caleb out of prison. Caleb hears a rumor and sends the might of the Cobalt Soul after a colleague who wants Astrid dead. And eventually, she begins joining him and Wulf on their evening walks through the streets of Rexxentrum. They return to the dance hall. They get lunch. They share memories, relearn each other’s old scars, and discover that solace can still be found in each other the way it was when they were children. It will always be complicated. It starts to become beautiful.

And of course, floating by Caleb’s side every step of the way is Essek, a drow who has learned to curb his ambition and care for others, who has decided to make his own amends. The former Shadowhand to the Bright Queen, who now spends his days picking up cupcakes for Jester in Uthodurn, planting seeds in the Blooming Grove. Sitting in on Caleb’s lessons with a different face each week, sketching runes into the floor of Caleb’s home amongst scattered papers and spell components, curling up on a couch beside Caleb and begrudgingly getting through Tusk Love because he promised. A traitor, a hero, a lifelong friend. A steadfast love.

So when Caleb Widogast arrives at the final page of his story, he is no longer shrouded in guilt, or grief, or regret. No, he is surrounded by the warmth of his chosen family when he takes his last breath, when time has run its course and he is finally ready to meet his parents again.

(And even before he sees their faces, he knows. He knows he made them proud.)

—————

also on ao3 | my other cr fics

#critical role #caleb widogast #mighty nein #empire siblings #shadowgast #blumendrei #cr spoilers #c2e141 #this is very delayed because i've been too busy to sit down and finish it until now and it's kind of a mess #buuut here tumblr have half my feelings about the finale and the nein crammed into one fic #my writing #my ramblings #c2 epilogue #cr fic

[sylverstorms]

Cassandra x Maiden----Anonymity Ch.5 (NSFW!)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

'Cassandra's favorite', the other maids call you.

You can't tell if they mean it as a good or a bad thing. Hell, you can't even tell which of the two it really is.

Being her 'favorite' does not make you immune to harm in any way; bruises litter your shoulders and sides from when she grabs you too forcefully and cuts from her nails sting at your neck and stomach, renewed each time she comes to take a kiss.

None of that existed back when you were something of zero interest to her. On the other hand, she's told you several times you're 'a thing of beauty' --her thing of beauty-- and she won't let anything ruin a natural piece of art.

If you know anything about Cassandra, it is that she takes art very seriously. Your interpretation of the word greatly varies from hers, you're sure, but it doesn't change the fact she won't easily raise a sickle on you.

Cassandra won't break you. She won't let Daniela do so, either. Bela doesn't even care to hurt you. It means you're safe for now...

Unless Lady Dimitrescu decides you're best taken away from her daughter. Permanently. You don't dare meet her eyes, but you can feel them on you, scrutinizing, every night at dinner.

You're pretty sure she knows.

The thought sits heavy in your mind while you're cleaning bloodied steps off a corridor at three in the small hours of the morning, along with another maid. Adella is a quiet and hardworking one; the two of you make a good team and you know you'll be done in record time.

But it only takes a single moment for everything to go wrong.

Adella is hastily walking back to you with a bucket of fresh water in hand when you hear a different set of steps approach from the side. You make to warn her, but it's already too late.

The collision happens at the turn where the two passageways meet. As soon as you see black robes dripping wet you pray to whichever God will listen for mercy.

Because Cassandra has not been in a good mood all night and she is not the understanding type regardless.

Adella gasps and shakingly backs away, a waterfall of apologies spilling from her lips. Cassandra rolls her neck and draws her sickle, advancing on her slowly. She looks terrifying.

"Don't move now." she orders.

And you just- can't watch this. You don't know why, but the realization you cannot hits you like a speeding truck. You can't stand there while the the woman you frequently kiss cuts away at a girl you know is as good and compassionate as a human under your circumstances can possibly get.

You react.

Before you can even think how impossibly stupid you're being, you drop the mop in your hands and dash forward, crashing into Cassandra's form. Your right arm wraps around her waist and your left grips at her wrist like a vice. Your heart is pounding. You don't even know what you're saying;

"Cassandra, no! Please. Don't." Cold and rigid as she is, it may as well be a statue you're holding. "Cassandra, stop. Please." Once impulse dies down, you realize you've just signed your death wish for two seconds of playing hero.

And you thought you were smarter than that. Ha. But maybe, just maybe, part of you wants to die, so long as it's quick and painless.

With Cassandra, though, you doubt it. Especially with how lethal she sounds when she says:

"You. Disappear." You hear, rather than see, Adella scurrying off for her life. "As for you..."

You only register a blur, nausea, cold nails piercing at your neck, over already existing marks. You are shoved into the nearest wall so powerfully you can't breathe for all of ten seconds. It's a wonder you don't hear any cracks from within your body.

Cassandra is on you, her fingers harsh on your chin and breath chilly on your lips. "Good pets don't bark against their own masters. What made you so bold, hm?"

You don't answer, too busy summoning your mental strength for what comes next. The way her eyes and the lines of her pretty face have hardened, she looks nothing like the flirty girl who comes to steal kisses from you at random times during the night.

"Maybe I've been too nice to you. The first time you call my name and it's for some other maid?"

She looks like she wants to let out a bitter laugh, break something and slice you into stripes simultaneously. And then you realize; Cassandra is jealous.

It doesn't get any worse than that.

"Maybe I should make sure you never say anything again." The corner of her lips curls up in dark amusement as she talks. "You don't talk much, anyway."

Well. She did say she wouldn't let anyone ruin your looks. Never promised anything about what's on the inside.

You're shaking, even if her grasp doesn't leave much room to do so. Your brain is restlessly trying to come up with something to get you out of this mess-

"I'm of way more use to you with my tongue intact." you somehow manage to speak without stuttering. It makes you wonder where the hell this confidence came from.

Cassandra stills for a moment. Her grip eases the slightest amount, probably from surprise.

You wonder what the hell you're even doing, yourself, when you bring your hands to her sides and lean in, to the curve of her nice jawline. You've never kissed her neck before, but you remember from the times you've given her a massage that she's very sensitive around it.

Cautiously, you press your mouth to the soft spot under her ear.

She smells so good and her skin feels so smooth you're not exactly forcing yourself to kiss her. If you're going to be mutilated anyway, the part of you that must be severely messed up muses, you may as well take some pleasure for yourself beforehand. Who knows, it may change her mind along the way.

So you lick her there and suck over her faint pulse. You don't get any stimuli from her, at first.

Until her hand trails from your shoulder to your nape, urging you harder against her. It's the green light to keep going.

You put all your skill into it as you lavish her neck and collarbones with open-mouthed kisses. She's loose and moaning low in her throat now.

You can't tell why, but the sound echoes right though your adrenaline-induced system, tickles down your spinal cord to pool low in your stomach. You either had a kink for danger you never knew of, or you developed one in the castle.

Whatever the case, your fingers are working on the buttons of her outfit and she doesn't seem like stopping you has even crossed her mind.

When the robes barely hang onto her shoulders, Cassandra maneuvers you to the closest room, shuts the door and presses you against it. Hard. Your lips slide together hungrily. You taste wine on her tongue.

At this point, your hands are the only thing supporting her outfit on her. She looks too fucking sexy for words like this, half-undressed, lipstick smeared, so turned on and ready for you. But you also want to see more of her, so you let the black fabric drop.

She's getting impatient, though. Being more vocal, tugging your hand to the apex of her legs.

"Cassandra." you moan when you push the midnight lace of her panties aside and touch her. She's so wet.

Her mouth falls open in a soundless gasp, brows drawn softly. "Oh, you're lucky I like my name on your lips." she says, breathless.

You did start this trying to prove to her how useful your tongue can be attached to your body, however... so it's only fair that's how you finish it.

Finish her.

Cassandra looks dazed and confused when you kneel in front of her, but it's quickly replaced with a broken moan when you take her into your mouth. You revel in every single gasp you coax out of her, every minuscule shake of her perfect thighs.

She bites into her own hand when she reaches her peak, nails leaving four parallel marks on the wall.

You're gentlewomanly enough to pull her outfit up for her while she's coming down from her high. Your gaze takes its sweet time admiring the contours of her chest as you button it closed. She really is the most attractive girl you've ever seen, if you somehow don't take into consideration her body count.

"Good?" you ask when she opens her pretty eyes to look at you.

"It's not cute to be smug, plaything." Cassandra makes a soft grimace at you, though you can see the lazy, satisfied smile tugging at the corner of her lip. "But. I suppose your tongue has its uses to me, after all."

You gently push off the door to let her exit at her leisure. The movement makes you realize you won't really be able to move tomorrow, with how sore you already are.

To your surprise, Cassandra takes a moment longer in the room.

She turns back to you and raises her hands to your torso, then carefully adjusts your wrinkled shirt. Her long fingers smooth over the imperfections she caused...

And you don't know why after everything the two of you just did, it's this that feels the most intimate.

The same digits brush over your throat as she pulls away.

By the time your mind starts working right again, Cassandra is already gone. Absently, you trace over the weeping scratches on your neck.

-

-

Later, at the main hall of the castle...

"Oh, boo, look who's late again." Daniela rolls her eyes at Cassandra's fashionably delayed arrival.

"Surprise, surprise." Bela smirks, casually leaned against the side of the fireplace.

"Are you two done being insufferable or should I come by later?" Cassandra asks.

"And scar our ears and minds with another round of your 'oh's and 'ah's, sister? I think not." Daniela comments.

Bela raises an eyebrow in amusement. "Had a nice time?"

"You two have very active imaginations, you know? Tells a lot about you." Cassandra chuckles. "She was just giving me a massage. But do go on. Be thirsty. I can wait."

Daniela and Bela share a look, thrown off their game by the nonchalance.

Cassandra hides a smirk under her hood and steps out first, into the peerless dark.

#cassandra dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu x oc #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #resident evil village #fanfiction #the thirst is real in this one guys #you have been warned

[uncloseted]

How do I know if I have ADHD or if I'm just procrastinating because school work is boring and I want to sleep? Sometimes I struggle to do my homework especially if it's late or I had to go to work and my friend keeps telling me it's a symptom of ADHD if I can't focus enough to do my work.

You might have ADHD if most of the following statements are true about you, and you have experienced these situations often or very often throughout your life:

You have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project once the challenging parts have been done.

You have difficulty getting things in order when you have to do a task that requires organization.

You have trouble remembering appointments or obligations.

You avoid or delay getting started on tasks that require a lot of thought.

You fidget or squirm when you have to sit down for a long time.

You feel overly active and compelled to do things, as if you're "driven by a motor".

Other signs of ADHD include if the following statements are true about you often or very often, and have been throughout your life:

You make careless mistakes when you have to work on a boring or difficult project.

You have difficulty keeping your attention when you are doing boring or repetitive work.

You have difficulty concentrating on what people are saying to you, even when they're speaking to you directly.

You misplace things.

You're distracted by activity or noise around you.

You feel restless or fidgety where you're expected to remain seated, or leave your seat when you're expected to remain seated.

You have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when you have time to yourself.

You find yourself talking too much in social situations.

You find yourself finishing the sentences of the people you're talking to.

You have difficulty waiting your turn in situations where taking turns is required.

You interrupt others when they're busy.

Everyone experiences these symptoms once in a while, but if you experience them often and they're getting in the way of your life, you may want to talk to a doctor about getting evaluated for ADHD.

The way I would personally describe the difference between ADHD and procrastination is that when ADHD is preventing me from doing something, I want to do the thing but I can't. If you'll excuse me for being pretentious for a minute, it reminds me of the ending of Waiting for Godot:

Vladimir: Well, shall we go?

Estragon: Yes, let's go.

[They do not move]

Vladimir and Estragon know they should move. They want to move. Emotionally, they're trying to move. But they can't physically do it. This is a conversation I have with my brain all day long about everything, important or unimportant, things I enjoy doing and things I'm uninterested in. "Shall we brush out teeth?" "Yes, brushing our teeth is a good idea. It's important for our health and something we want to do." [Christina does not move]. "Okay, we'll wait for three more minutes and then we'll go brush our teeth." [three minutes pass, Christina does not move] "Okay, if you go brush your teeth, then you get a reward." [Christina does not move] And so on, and so on. For me, it's like a form of paralysis, except I know my body can move; it's just my brain that won't send the signals.

Procrastination is different. It's when you don't want to do the thing so you're not doing it, even though you know you should. Generally, people who are procrastinating are doing something else that's productive or enjoyable. They're just not doing the task that they should be doing. And when someone who's procrastinating is at the wire, they can do the work that they've been putting off. People with ADHD can sometimes do the task in a panic at the last minute, but just as often they miss the deadline entirely.

That said, procrastination is often indicative of its own issues. I've said before on here that I don't believe in laziness as a concept, and I stand by that. Procrastination isn't an issue of willpower. It's a result of an inability to manage negative moods that we have around a task. We procrastinate because the task is boring, or gross, or anxiety-provoking, or we're afraid that we'll fail at the task so we don't want to start it at all, or we resent that this is a task that we have to do, or we're not sure where to start, or we're not sure we're capable of achieving the task... to stop procrastinating, we don't need to "be less lazy". We need to address the underlying negative moods that we associate with doing this task instead of adding to those negative moods by blaming ourselves for not being able to do the task. We need to be able to practice self-compassion by forgiving ourselves for procrastinating, and we need to come up with strategies for coping with those negative moods.

Some ways to manage those feelings are:

Cultivating curiosity about the procrastination. Why are you procrastinating? What emotions are you feeling? Where do those emotions come from? What are you feeling in your body?

Reframing the task. Find ways to think about the task that are positive. Instead of being something scary that you might fail at, maybe it's an opportunity to practice a skill or learn something new. I always try to remind myself of this gif when I feel like procrastinating:

Consider only the next action. Break your task down into small pieces, and then focus only on the immediate "action step" in front of you. If that's too much for you, you can think in hypotheticals- "if I was going to do this task, the next step I would do is this. Then I would do this."

Just do 5 minutes. Sometimes, the biggest hurdle to get over is just starting. If you tell yourself that you only need to work on the task for 5 minutes, and then you can quit, you're more likely to start. Then, once the 5 minutes is up, working on the task doesn't feel so bad and you can continue to do it.

Temptation bundling. Do something you enjoy doing alongside the thing you're procrastinating. Maybe you don't want to clean your room, but you do want to listen to a new episode of a podcast. Maybe you don't want to exercise, but you do want to watch a new episode of TV. If you pair an action that you want to do with one that you should do, you're more likely to actually do the one that you should do.

Make temptation more inconvenient. This is maybe an obvious one, but it's harder to procrastinate if you make it hard to procrastinate. Put your phone on do not disturb and work somewhere that has limited distractions.

The last thing I want to quickly touch on is that you mentioned you have trouble with procrastination when it's late or you had to go to work. Your "procrastination" might just be that you're tired. No person has an unlimited supply of energy, regardless of how much willpower they have. So maybe it's not that you're procrastinating, but rather that you're just out of energy. If that's the case, you may need to commit to sleeping more hours every night, improving your sleep hygiene, managing your time more effectively, or cutting back on commitments in your life that are draining your energy.

#productivity #adhd #stop procrastinating #procrastination #laziness

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #14

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

[AO3]

~POV Mori~

I woke up when it was still dark out. Only the faintest light came in my windows.

I hadn't done anything yesterday. Just laid down and rested for the first time in a long time. The doctor's were convinced I needed one more day of rest, but I knew I was already better. When was the last time I had just let my body rest like that when I wasn't sick? I couldn't remember. This peace was nice.

The quiet of sunrise was only broken by the faint sound of bird calls in the distance. I sat up and closed my eyes. I focused everything on my other senses. I couldn't hear the ocean easily from here. I had wanted to use the sounds of the waves to meditate, but I would just have to do without.

It had been a few days since I last checked in with myself and really focused inward. I could still feel them, all of the Black Rukh that had merged with me back in Balbadd. They were much calmer than before. And they felt like a part of me now, like I might be incomplete if they were suddenly gone. I knew each one from the dreams too. Their lives were mine and each also now knew my life as their own.

Going through all of their lives on the ship would have been painful even without being sick. These were angry souls and they did not welcome the inner peace I was offering easily, but a person's Rukh doesn't lie. After reading this world's truth through my memories they all calmed.

All of us lived lives of loss and poverty and trauma. That must have been another part of why we were able to fully merge in such a short time.

As Black Rukh they couldn't return to the Great Flow where the rest of their loved ones were, but they at least had each other within me.

It was a very strange feeling.

And along with their lives and Rukh, their magoi was also now mine. What had felt like a small pool now felt like a large lake. I had a lot more magoi at my disposal now that they were fully integrated with me.

The Great Bell range and I grounded myself in the present.

Only then did it occur to me that I was probably sick, and suffering from the influx of Rukh separately at the same time. It had been both all along. Whatever illness I had was worsened by my situation with the Rukh. I hadn't lost my magoi manipulation during it, but it was probably learning it ahead of time that had saved me. There's no way such a large amount of Rukh entering me wouldn't have made my body unstable.

Would the doctors understand if I explained it to them? I should ask Sinbad before saying something unnecessary.

The dim light from my windows called to me. I got out of my bed, put on my glasses, and sat on the sill of one them at the encouragement of the waves.

Like this, I could look down and see the Palace court yard. On the other side of the court yard were the Silver Scorpio (martial arts training), and Black Libra (libraries & schools) Towers, behind them to the left was the Red Cancer Tower (military) and fully to the left was the Purple Leo Tower where Sinbad lived. Since I was on a high floor I could easily see all of the towers of the Palace from my windows -all except the White Capricorn Tower where Ja'far does most of his work since that building was on the other side of this one.

It was so strange. Looking at all this made it real that I was really here. How many times had I reread or rewatched scenes wondering what it would feel like to be here?

I rested my head on the window frame as I watched the growing light from the sunrise.

The guards changed.

The sun was fully risen. Ja'far would be waking up Sinbad soon if he hadn't already.

Two people walked out of the Purple Leo Tower -a guard and a woman. She wasn't wearing a uniform. In fact she was wearing less than the citizens I saw the other day.

"Oh, right."

Sinbad has a call girl see to him after Ja'far wakes him up.

I had the 3rd fan book for the anime which contains a day-in-the-life for a bunch of the main characters. It was only in Japanese, but I had learned enough (and could look up what I didn't know) to at least read his schedule.

The direct translation was for a "temporary woman" which from what I've found is the Japanese term for a fem sex worker. I've seen some translations for Magi's extra material refer to them as "call girls" so that was the term I chose to use.

The franchise used the word "harem" in a bunch of places, but purposely didn't use it here. That combined with an omake of Sinbad having a nightmare about being married and having a harem made it clear that Sinbad did not have a harem; he had the whole red-light district of his country to choose from.

Hold on... That book wasn't supposed to reach my house until after I had Isekaied so how did I know it's contents? There were barely any scans or photos of pages online-

*Knock knock*

My thoughts

were cut off when breakfast arrived -with more medicine of course.

---

~POV Sinbad~

Nearly a week had passed since King Sinbad had arrived home. There was a lot to catch up on. As much as he wanted to finally relax after everything that happened in Balbadd he didn't really have the time for it. Even after catching up he would still have to prepare for his trip to the Kou Empire. And Ja'far wasn't letting him forget either responsibility.

None of this stopped him from having his slow mornings. He at least gave himself that little slice of heaven.

This was business as usual -at least it was supposed to be- but Sinbad couldn't shake a growing feeling that he couldn't name. It was making him unsettled. The waves didn't give him any answers and drinking hadn't made it go away. It felt similar to missing important.

He wasn't missing any paperwork. There had been an issue with one of their supply ships going missing, and another being delayed, but he had already decided how to proceed. He was definitely interested in the progress the Black Libra Tower was making with testing Mori's theories, but the experiments would take time and they had already scheduled a meeting for an update. The new guests were still settling in. Alibaba was a mess and Aladdin was only marginally better the last time he had visited, but Morgiana was fine and already training with Masrur regularly. According to the doctors reports, Mori would be better in another day or so, and the reports he got from the maids said she was resting every day after giving that partial scroll.

Maybe this was impatience. Aside from his paperwork, everything interesting was either done or waiting for the next step.

Sinbad often walked his country in the evening, but there was no reason he couldn't check on things now. He didn't have time to go for a walk at that moment, but he could spare the magoi needed to use Zepar and fly around the country using the bird he had possessed with the Djinn's power. This wouldn't be the first time he'd done this while working on paperwork.

The bird was sitting on a railing in the city center when Sinbad took over. From this spot he could make some quick rounds in the city and then maybe make a stop in the Black Libra Tower to get a sneak peak at what they had found out so far.

The same old gossip filled most of the streets. Some price complaints, who just had a child, how work was going...

"You're serious? A prophet?”

"My husband saw the scrolls she made from her visions with his own two eyes."

Now that was new gossip.

Sinbad had the bird land near by the two women.

"Oh? What was in them?"

"He said it was like reading secrets of the world."

"Really???"

"Mhmm." She nodded. "Not everyone believes it though so they are all working to test her writing."

"Didn't you just say she was brought in by our King? Do they really think he'd be fooled by some false prophet?"

"I said the same thing! And you know what my husband said? He said that they need to find proof even if they believe the Prophet because otherwise we won't be able to prove it to our allied countries."

"I guess that makes sense..."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Oh! I think I might know what she looks like!”

"What? How? You only learned about her just now."

"When King Sinbad came home, there was a girl on some magical flying cloth, remember? That has to have been the Prophet!"

"I think you're right!"

To two moved on to some other gossip and King had the bird fly towards the Palace. Listening to talk about his Beautiful Prophet reminded him of his mission to peek at what was happening in the Black Libra Tower. Being able to bypass the stairs and the gates made the journey much faster.

The Sun was already in the western side of the sky. Shadows were cast onto the court yard from the Black Libra Tower. The stone of the Green Sagittarius Tower was nearly blinding white from the direct light. Color flashed in the corner of his eye as the bird flew past the upper levels of the guest tower. Before his thoughts had fully registered the familiar shade of nearly black indigo, Sinbad was guiding the bird to investigate. He landed on the railing of one of the windows and looked at the young woman resting against that same window's frame.

Mori looked just as surprised to see a bird land right in front of her as he was to be there. Sinbad had purposely been avoiding using Zepar to spy on Mori since she somehow knew that he had eavesdropped on her before. It had been days since he last saw her, so when she was suddenly an option-

"Heh hehe"

Mori's chuckle and smile took his full attention. He didn't know what had made her laugh, but he hoped she'd do it again.

"Sir, are you aware you are a bird?” After the words passed her lips she was struck by a giggle fit.

Sinbad had no idea what she was thinking or why she had said that to a bird, but he was hearing her voice for the first time in nearly a week so he'd worry about figuring it out later.

When Mori finished laughing at her own joke she leaned her head to the side and watched him. Her hair shifted and another lock spilled over her shoulder. The sight brought attention to the low neckline of the dress she was wearing. If Sinbad was there in person he would have brushed her hair out of the way just to have an excuse to touch her.

"Did you miss me that much?" Her voice was soft and a bit playful. "You didn't have to use Zepar to visit me."

Mori knew it was him! Sinbad jolted and his head hit the back of his chair in his office. How could she tell? Only magicians could see magoi and Rukh to see the spell active on the bird.

"Sin, is something wrong?-” Ja'far had just entered the room to give his afternoon report.

King Sinbad raised a hand for him to be quiet and tapped Zepar's ring to explain the situation. He didn't want to talk and miss something Mori said or did.

The General's expression turned serious and nodded as he went quiet.

When Mori didn't get a response from the bird she added, "Are you surprised that I knew it was you?" Her smile was warm as the sun. "I have read your Fate many times, so I will always recognize you, my King."

Normally, the idea that someone could see through Zepar's magic would concern him, but this didn't. It strengthened his belief that Fate had guided Mori to him.

And the affectionate way she said "my King" at the end made him smile. The waves had moved like this a few times like the last time he had seen her in person, and when he learned she could also feel the waves. The Great Flow of the Rukh was guiding them to the Fate he could see, the one where she lived the rest of her life by his side.

Ja'far sighed. "Just let me know when I can give you my report."

Mori whipped her head towards the door to her room. "They're here early."

There were the sounds of people walking in the hallway, but no voices to denounce who, or their destination. All the same, Mori got up and walked to the door. She opened it before the doctors had a chance to knock.

"How did you...?" One of the doctors asked.

"I recognized the sound of your footsteps," was her answer.

"I see.... And how are you feeling today?"

Mori walked into her room, and spared a glance at the bird still watching her from the window. "I feel fine. Just like yesterday." She turned back towards the door and sat on the edge of her bed. "So can I finally leave this room?"

The doctors were understanding but they still were going to do a full check up first.

Even without the waves it was obvious that Mori was going to be marked as full health. Sinbad would prefer to go see her immediately and give her a tour of the Palace personally, but he was still a King with responsibilities. "Ja'far, Mori has just been declared healthy. What do you think of everyone having dinner together to get everyone better aquatinted?"

"I didn't hear anything about-” Ja'far started and then cut himself when he realized. "Were you just using Zepar to spy on her??"

"Of course not." Sinbad said with all of the confidence of the King he was. "I flew directly to her and she recognized me instantly. I wasn't spying at all."

"She recognized you??" Of course he'd be shocked.

King Sinbad laughed. "She did. Though she was surprised to see me."

"I bet she was surprised to suddenly see a bird in her room. What made you think to use Zepar instead of visiting her in person? You're already getting regular reports on her condition." Ja'far always acted as a buzz kill.

It didn't stop Sinbad from laughing at the situation before finally asking for that report he postponed earlier -conveniently avoiding answering Ja'far's question.

The magician in Mori's room was talking. "Would you be interested in visiting the Black Libra Tower with us? We can show you how the experiments are going. And if possible, would you be willing to answer some questions?"

That was an understandable request, but it could wear her out.

The Prophet was facing away from the windows so Sinbad couldn't see her expression. "I'd really like that actually." But he could hear the excitement growing in her voice.

"Let me get changed real quick." Mori disappeared behind her folding wall and emerged in the outfit he met her in.

Sinbad did not drop control of the bird, but he also didn't follow Mori out of her room. Instead he waited in the window sill until he saw her enter the courtyard and then had the bird fly to the Black Libra Tower.

---

As soon as he finished whatever last minute things Ja'far was about to add to his pile, Sinbad would go to the Black Libra Tower and surprise his Beautiful Prophet in person.

~POV Mori~

In the manga and in the anime the only areas shown of the Black Libra Tower were Yamuraiha's office/lab and one of the libraries. I was more than curious about the rest of the facilities.

The first room seemed to be a reception area and had a map of the tower. I only got to glance at the separations between the libraries, offices and class rooms before a tall and lanky magician walked up to us.

"Is this her??” Her short ponytail bounced as she looked between me and my guides.

Isa, the magician who had been taking care of me the past few days, introduced me. "This is Lady Mori, the Prophet!” He acted like he was showing off the coolest toy on the playground.

The tall woman got right up in my face. "I knew she had to be the Prophet! The Rukh don't normally move this way around people."

Before I got to respond she started rambling comments and questions that covered everything in maroon and peacock blue getting sponged across a cream canvas. I stepped back and Isa cut her off. "Lady Mori will be answering everyone's questions in time. We were just on our way to see Yamuraiha so I can show her how everything has been coming along. You are welcome to join us."

She definitely joined us. As did many others who spotted us or were called over by others in our procession.

We walked through a few library areas, and up a few flights of stairs. As we passed various rooms and areas I was told what or who would be inside, but I wouldn't remember any of the specifics until I had a chance to use the space and explore on my own. What did stick was that most of the classrooms were next to the libraries and the labs were near the offices.

Yamuraiha must have heard our group from down the hall because her head popped out from one of the rooms ahead of us. "What is going on out here??” Then she made eye contact with me. "It's you!!"

That made me smile. I fought back responding 'it's me!' like I would with my friends. "I'm Mori. I'm glad I'm finally getting the chance to meet you, Yamuraiha!” I stopped walking when I got 3 yards/meters away.

She immediately pulled her staff against her chest with both hands. Her shoulders tensed but she had an enthusiastic smile. "The pleasure is all mine!"

Yamuraiha was amazing, smart, and endearing. I really wanted to be friends with her.

I out stretched my hand to shake hers. "I'm really excited to work with you, and learn more about magic even though I'm not a magician."

"The feeling is mutual!” She took my hand more than matching my excitement. And when she released it said, "Since you're here, would you like to see what we've been working on from the scrolls you gave us?"

"Yes please!”

---

The lab she lead us to was a little down the hall. All of my scrolls were spread out on one table and a bunch of notes and different materials were on an other.

Yamuraiha pulled out parchment that had a complicated magic circle written on it. "We can't do much yet, and it still takes a catalyst and many magicians at once to control the amount of magoi safely but our alchemy magic has made a breakthrough from your writing."

She asked a few of the magicians that came with me to join her. They pointed their staffs and wands at the magic cycle. A large crystal in the room started glowing, and the Rukh lit up the space from within the circle. Specks were pulled out of the pile of ingredients nearby -dirt, scraps paper, a small potted plant- and gathered at the center of the circle. The light got too bright for me to look straight at it and when it faded there was a small dark grey cube in the middle of the circle. It looked like a die with no markings.

Yam explained. "After reading about 'atoms' and 'bonds' in your scrolls it was like finding the missing piece. It will still be a long time before we can perfect the process, and we still can't make anything bigger than this yet, but soon we will be able to make anything we want!"

((In the future I intend to: reference more old memes, describe more of my experience with synesthesia, and explain more basic history and science. SO you all have been warned lol))

I had to respond; I couldn't just continue staring in awe. When I tried to answer I ended up gasping since had forgotten to breathe. I chuckled at my own shock as well as the situation. I looked up at them. "You're all amazing to be able to develop this already from the little I wrote!" I looked back at the stone. "I knew I wrote the keys to Yunan's signature alchemy magic in those scrolls, but to think you've already gotten this far with it -its amazing."

With this -when developed farther- we could make certain materials without having to worry about the pollution, and break things down easily so we won't have to worry about garbage piling up everywhere.

"Did you say Yunan? The Magi, Yunan?" Yamuraiha looked at me with wide eyes.

"Yes." It was my turn to explain. "Yunan is able to use alchemy magic like this on a grand scale. In the Fates I read he will have reason to visit Sindria in about 2 years. He creates a cabin and food in the middle of the Palace court yard so he has somewhere comfortable to stay."

The bird in the window ruffled it's feathers.

"Yunan explains the basic concept of how that magic works when asked, and since I know the science of the physical world I know the details to what he was talking about." My smile widened. "I hope my notes were easy to understand. Please let me know if you have any questions."

#magi prophet fanfic #magi fanfiction #magi fanfic #sinbad magi #king sinbad #magi sinbad #sinbadxoc

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Sixteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Fifteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Seventeen

Luke pov.

“Do it again.” Ashton asks, staring at me intently.

We were about to leave my house for my surprise party, which I discovered in less than an hour. I was rehearsing a face of surprise so as not to end the surprise, cause I know everyone worked hard for it.

I widen my eyes, breaking into a smile.

“I can't believe you deceived me.” I say with my voice altered by the ‘surprise’.

“Don't say that, it will be very obvious that you know. Says ‘I can't believe you threw a party for me’.” he suggests.

"I can't believe you threw a party for me." I redo the entire acting.

“Yep! Me either. But what doesn't M&Ms ask, that I don't do?” Ash dries the water bottle with a shrug. “I'm just kidding.” he laughs after seeing my face.

“Speaking of her…” I fill my glass with some more wine, since it's too early for us to go. “Something new?” Ashton denies, frustrated too.

“I commented that she was acting weird, but she just changed the conversation and said that she's been busy and that she was nervous about the party.” he sighs. I massage my forehead, annoyed.

"Am I going to have to put her against the wall to get something?" I look at him, not knowing what to do.

“You know this isn't going to work. She's going to run away, you're going to fight, she's going to walk away and you're going to be more annoying than you already are.” I appreciate my friend's attempt to change the mood with provocation, but it has no effect.

"I can't find any reason to give me any sign of what's going on. Was it my fault? I knew I shouldn't have stayed with her that Saturday, I pushed the situation too hard and now she's pulling away, avoiding me-”

“Oh shut up! Don't even start with that.” Irwin raises his voice, cutting mine off. "Marnie isn't like that, she doesn’t do these things. If she wasn't comfortable she was going to talk. You said yourself that she asked you to sleep there. She let you pick her up on Monday and asked you to take her home, even after you dedicated Best Years to her. She didn't run away there, because it was remarkable how much she liked the song. You should pay more attention to the way she looks at you.”

A silly laugh escapes my lips when I see Ashton imitate her looking at me and smiling. My heart warms at the possibility that she is actually falling in love with me, just as I already am with her.

"Luke, if she didn't want to get back together, she wouldn't open up so many gaps and opportunities for you to be together. She must just be confused about the feelings. That's how it looked for the first time. Look, let's analyze her behavior today, after all the stress of the party and then we get stressed.”

I agree with my friend. I'm freaking out over something that shouldn't be very important. Maybe it's all the pressure with finishing the album. The release date is approaching and sure enough, Jim freaking out in my ear for the publicity trip we were supposed to be doing, but we're still going against it due to Marnie's accident.

I don't know how many times I have to tell him I'm not leaving LA yet. This delay wasn't hindering anything, so I don't know why he makes such a point.

“Go, get rid of that dead face and let's enjoy your party.” Ash slaps my shoulder.

We left the house, heading to Jack's house, where the party would be. I've been training my face the entire way, wanting it to be as realistic as possible, even though everyone already suspects that I know.

Even if I didn't know it, the moment I see the street full of cars, I realize that I would find out there. Irwin tells them we're coming and I notice the noise of the music fade away. Discreet.

We entered the house, finding everything quiet and tidy. But when we turn to the kitchen and garden, a lot of people scream in surprise. I take a step back, like I'm really shocked.

"I can't believe you did that." I look at Ash, wanting to see that I did well. But his expression ‘so so’ disappoints me.

“In the car it was better.” he says before walking away and letting people get closer.

I don't know how many people I hugged, but I know the only one I wanted to see was the last one to arrive. I hold my breath, seeing her in a black leather skirt and a transparent black blouse, highlighting her tattoo between her breasts.

I swallow hard, cracking a nervous smile as she approaches with a huge grin, almost jumping into my lap. Unlike yesterday, where I just got a congratulations message, M&Ms hug me, leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek.

“Happy Birthday!” the gleam in her eyes proves to me she's already a little high.

I resist the urge to steal a kiss from her lips, just kissing her cheek back but giving her waist a squeeze, pressing her against my body. She seems to notice my intent, drastically changing her breathing.

"I wanted to talk to you later. If possible.” I say against her ear.

“About?” her eyes sweep me for any clues.

“Surprise.” I reveal, seeing her roll her eyes in agreement.

I watch her walk away with the girls, but she doesn't fully break eye contact with me, looking at me from afar. I let out a breath, realizing it's going to be a long night and another long battle to resist her and the urge to take her to a dark corner.

In the kitchen, where most of the drinks are, I start my work, drinking the alcohol, enjoying the burning sensation that the liquid leaves in my throat. I get distracted with video game conversation and allow my mind to relax with lighter, more relaxed topics.

The party had been going on for a few hours. My head is already light, due to the high alcohol content my body retains. I know I'm laughing at some bullshit Brian is talking about, even though his words don't make any sense in my mind. Maybe I've already had too much to drink and it's better to stop for a while. I don't want to be sick at my own party.

The term vibrates in my mind and I start searching the crowd for the cotton candy hair, worried about her condition. The feeling pulls my head out of the air, sobering me up for a few minutes.

I find her dancing hand in hand with Noah, laughing at the older man's exaggerated steps. I stare at the scene, happy that she is enjoying herself. Unlike at the beginning of the week, Marnie is now upbeat and not acting. Maybe Irwin is right and she was just stressed about the birthday party.

I push my thoughts away, concentrating on yet another beer pong game. I've played more times than I could count and I'm starting to doubt the two arms Jack has won since my last drink.

“Problems.” Michael sings beside me, pointing to the door. Pam walked in smiling excitedly, holding hands with a guy who sure as hell didn't want to be there. It's not possible…

Sobriety hits me like a cannon. All the alcohol and smoke that was in my body is gone and I am able to think clearly for the first time since I arrived.

I massage my forehead, bringing my gaze to Marnie, who's already staring at Pam without a specific expression. I cross the room with incredible ease, reaching for her, hugging her waist, pulling her to me.

“We can talk now?” Marnie didn't even seem to hear me, still staring at Pam, who was greeting some people. "M&Ms?" I call closer to her ear, but no effect. “Hey!” I drop a kiss to her temple, squeezing her waist.

Her green eyes cross mine and I can palpate the insecurity in them. Marnie just nodded, letting me lead her out of the room. We went up to a room, being alone. I look at her face, still half lost, and I approach slowly, feeling that little box weigh tons in my pocket.

“What do you want to talk about?” she gives a slight smile, turning her full attention to me.

“First I wanted to apologize for Pam. I didn't know what she was going to come.” Marnie rolls her eyes, shrugging.

“It���s OK! No need to apologize. My head is so full I don't even care about her anymore.” she sits up in bed, crossing her legs.

“And I believe she won't even mind us today, after all, she came with someone” I sat beside her.

“Yeah! Poor guy.” I let out a laugh at her pity for the poor boy. “It was just that?”

I lose myself in her eyes for a few seconds, wondering if that's all. I draw her face in my mind once more, recording every feature I fell in love with. My lips tingle as I landed my eyes on her mouth, slightly reddened by the drink.

At another time, right now she and I would be locked in some bathroom or bedroom, succumbing to desire and the alcohol in our blood. My fingertips ache amidst the memories of all the times I have run across her skin, feeling it burn under my touch.

My mind starts to cloud and the flashes of the two of us become more and more vivid. I try to push those thoughts away, but they seem to sink into my mind with force. My body heats up with every scene my mind plays. I feel the blood running the wrong way and I don't know how to stop it.

"Luke?" I'm startled by your touch on my hand. Marnie was looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Are you okay?” I watch her hand squeeze mine, like she always did when I was angry or upset.

And just with that touch, everything stops inside me. The fire is gone and now I'm seized by a gigantic pain and rage in my chest, a rage for her being ripped from me so abruptly. I stare at her fingers moving gently, transmitting a caress throughout my body.

"Luke?" now she was looking at me extremely worried.

“Sorry. I think the drink hit.” I open a smile, trying to calm her down. M&Ms don't seem to buy much, but she smiles smugly.

“I already told you you're drinking a lot. In a little while you'll be passed out and won't even enjoy your own birthday party.” my smile widens in the midst of her care. "Don't give me that smile." she pushes my face away. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

“No!” this time I answer faster. “Actually, I wanted to give you something.” I fish the little white box in my pocket, feeling my fingers as soft as jelly. What if she doesn't like it? What if she gets angry?

“You know it's your birthday, right? You're the one who should get presents, not give. Especially for me.” she looks at me angrily, not wanting to accept the box.

"Well, it's my birthday and I'll do what I want, in which case I give it to you." I place the object in her hands. “I wanted to wait until your birthday, but it's still far away and I can't take it.” I lift my shoulders quickly, making her laugh.

Taking advantage of the fact that she was involved with the present, slowly, I move closer to her body, contenting myself with the least contact we have. I notice Marnie hold her breath at the sight of the blue quartz necklace, just like the one she had.

With no more reaction than that, I start to convince myself that I've fucked up and she hated it. It wasn't the time yet, as much as everything was going well, it wasn't the time yet.

“I can't believe you did this.” her voice comes out in a breath in surprise. I let my mind race to our first Christmas, where she gave me my necklace and I gave that star to her.

“If you don't like it…” my voice trails off as I see her eyes watery and filled with joy. It was the right time.

I'm not afraid to advance towards her, covering your lips with mine in a short kiss. The cherry taste becomes my favorite for the rest of the night. Marnie wipes her tears as she calls herself pathetic for crying.

"I know we used it as a dating ring, but it doesn't have to be-”

"Could you put it on for me?" she interrupts me, not caring about my fear. With my hands still trembling and cold, I close the necklace around her neck, enjoying the scene of her smiling enchanted by that stone. “Thanks!”

This time it is she who steps forward, stealing a kiss. The mood changes drastically. The screams outside seem to die in my ears, leaving only silence. The music that used to burst had ceased to exist.

That little kiss breaks, but she doesn't pull away, keeping her forehead still glued to mine. I'm startled when her eyes return to mine, I can see her perfectly there, in front of me, in my arms. I recognize that glow, that look and what it wanted to convey.

It was her there. The reason I get up every morning. The reason that makes me want to be better and better. The person I always want to impress. My girl. My Marnie.

I bring my hand to the back of her neck, bringing our lips together once more. I feel goose bumps as our tongues touch and her hand cups my face, holding me there. If she knew the last thing I want is to run away…

I'm surprised I feel despair on her side. The urgency on her lips. The need for the touch of her hands, the way they ran through my hair, the back of my neck and chest.

Easily, I pull her onto my lap, moaning, feeling her body against mine after so long. The fire that had previously ceased inside me, runs again through my veins, making everything too cloudy. I can't reason whether this was right or not. We both drink too much. She still hasn't given me full openness to so much attitude, even though she's still here, kissing me.

I try for a few minutes to clear my mind, to be a little rational and not get carried away by emotion, but the sound her mouth makes when I touch her neck with my lips ruins whatever train of thought I was building.

I touch the exact spots that make her moan and scramble for more friction. I watch thirstily as her eyes roll back and her lip is bitten in an attempt to control the moans. Her nails scratch the back of my neck, releasing an electric current that migrates between my legs.

I gasp when I feel her rub against my groin, spreading a current throughout my body. I want to beg her to do it again, but it's not really necessary, she knows and she does. So excruciating, but so good. Again I am startled to find that glow that I knew so much. I wonder where this Marnie was all along.

I shove my hand inside her shirt, enjoying her burning skin. I stroke the spot below her bra with my thumb, wanting not to frighten her. I suck the skin under her ear, lapping it with my tongue. My body combusts as she stirs and presses her crotch harder against mine. I cup her breast with enjoyment, hearing her call my name the way I liked it best.

Her desperate hands run inside my jacket, wanting to throw it away. I was ready to help when a heavy knock on the door disrupts our moment.

"What the fuck is it?" anger rips up my throat, causing a very angry scream. So much time to interrupt.

"It's time to cut the cake." I hear Calum's voice and feel like throwing him from the second floor.

“Serious? Stick the cake in your-” two small hands cover my mouth, preventing me from continuing.

“We're on our way, Cal.” Marnie yells louder and breathless.

I watch your body soften, lost and, I fear, even regretful. She is no longer there. She avoids looking at me, perhaps out of shame.

“It was better this way.” her sweet voice comes closer to a whisper.

“Was?” I stare at her, not wanting to accept that I was the only one to feel it. I know I wasn't, because her expression tells me I'm right.

“Was! You know it was.” her tone is still sweet, but her gaze is hard. "I think we'd better go downstairs." she gets up carefully, getting out of bed. I throw my head against my hands, visibly frustrated.

"Go ahead, I need to get both heads in place." I throw my body against the mattress.

“Sorry, Luke.” I can't stand her feeling guilty when she's the biggest victim of all this.

"M&Ms?" I leap out of bed, grabbing her before disappearing through the door. “It's not your fault. I'm the one who lost control, I'm sorry. You didn't give me the opening to attack you like that and I let myself go…” her lips silence me.

“It wasn't anyone's fault, can we do that?” I nod, stealing the last kiss before I let her go. "I'll wait for you downstairs." she announce.

I turn around, heading back to bed, still feeling frustration coursing through my veins.

“Hey!” I turn to see her there, standing in the doorway. My chest races with yearning from the many times I've seen her do the same scene. My ears and heart ache wanting to hear those words that always came next. Those three words that were so beautiful in her mouth. “Thanks for this.” she smiles and leaves.

I stare at the wood, snapping back to reality. I'm such an idiot for thinking she was going to say she loves me. I hide my face, exhausted. I look across the bed, able to see the two of us there, so given to each other.

I replay the scene in my head, tasting her kiss on my lips. Feeling my body tingle, still wanting her touch. The pressure on my pants becomes bigger and more uncomfortable. I need to make this go away. I scramble my mind for many things to calm myself down, but I can't. I can still feel her hands running around the back of my neck and her groin against mine.

"Shit!" I give up, going to the bathroom and locking myself in there. I don't care if I'm late, or what they think. I won't be able to eliminate this with thoughts alone.

I lower my pants and underwear, releasing my already throbbing member. I run my hand over it, making my body vibrate in relief. I let my mind flood with all thoughts and memories with her, feeling my body inflate further.

I increase my speed, being able to feel her touch through my body. I punch the wall, feeling my stomach contract. I rest my forehead against the cool coating, letting out several sighs. Her eyes flash in my mind.

The many times I've seen her face twist in pure orgasm under my touch. That smirk and that vulgar glow she always lets off before pulling me aside. And I always did, like a puppy.

My breathing gets out of control as I reach my orgasm. A wave of relief and lightness overcomes me, along with a wave of guilt. It must have been the 15th time since it all happened.

I can't have her. I can't stand the idea of ​​looking for someone else, even though we are not officially together, so I have to get by with baths and my bare hands, but as a result I feel like the dirtiest human being, as she doesn't even suspect.

I walk down the stairs, not attracting any attention. I find her sitting on the couch, on Leah's lap, laughing at some imitation Ashton was doing. I approach the group, who make no fuss about my delay.

I pick up the bottle of white wine on the coffee table, flipping half the contents. I feel her green eyes burn on me and I don't even have the courage to reciprocate by ignoring her.

“Is everything OK? Sorry if I messed something up.” Hood says next.

“It's OK! In fact, it was better, if you didn't show up, we would have done something stupid.” I say dry.

"Is that why this sour face?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I'm feeling awful for almost bringing her to this and not having the conscience to stop." I reveal a part of the guilt that burns in me.

“Luke, you are not complete strangers. And maybe she really wanted to go further, she just didn't know how. After all, at that moment she was supposed to be your f-”

"I know!" I cut it off, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence.

For my salvation, someone starts to sing happy birthday and the matter is closed. I open a smile disguising the shit my head was on. Michael puts a little purple hat on my head, blowing a plastic horn, very excited.

The scene makes me laugh, relieving the stress. I watch Leah and Kyleen swing colorful pom poms behind Marnie, who is holding a small cake with several candles.

I look deep into her eyes, noticing her happiness to be there and somehow mine too. After all, she's here, even if she doesn't remember much, she's still here. The accident could have been a lot worse and I could have lost her forever.

I push the damn thoughts away, blowing out the candles and driving everyone crazy. I'm surprised when Marnie leans in, stealing a kiss, not caring that she's in front of everyone. Her rosy cheeks manage to steal a smile far bigger than Michael did.

In the back of the room, I notice Pam with her arms crossed and sulking. I don't know if Marnie did it on purpose, intent on teasing, but something she did, and if Pam is pissed off, we're happy.

The clock was already showing around 5:00 in the morning. I've already fluctuated my alcohol level more times than I can count. While the boys filled me with rum, M&Ms filled me with water and food, afraid I would go into an alcoholic coma or whatever. Of course I took advantage of her concern and all the attention she was giving me.

At some point during the party, Michael took over the DJ's table and there we were, jumping up behind him, singing I Want It That Way at the top of our lungs, with the lost girls trying to do the choreography. That was definitely the best thing about the party, right after my moment with Marnie in the bedroom.

Right after his moment commanding the party's playlist, Clifford decided to climb on the roof to jump into the pool. Something that was already taking a while to happen. What he and no one expected was Marnie yelling at him, worried.

“It's comical, because if it weren't for the amnesia and the lack of alcohol, she would be the one on the roof.” Irwin comments lying beside me, watching the scene of her yelling at Michael, asking him to come down.

“And we called the fire department because she got stuck again.” I shake my head, wanting not to laugh at the memories. “Good times.” I'm toasting my friend, still watching her worriedly behind the older one.

Sitting in the garden, talking to some friends, I watch the girl laughing in a circle with Noah and Calum. She gets up, walking into the house, returning in a few minutes. I watch her come around, stopping behind me.

“Now the one who needs to talk is me.” she whispers in my ear. I don't think twice about taking your hand and heading out of the wheel chat.

I can see a large package in her hands and the idea of ​​being my gift makes me anxious. A little farther away from the mess that remained, she hands me the black box with a gold bow on top. Before opening it, I take a look at her excited smile, letting out a laugh.

I find five rings and three necklaces arranged around the box. I can't hold back the smile, seeing what she's chosen. I know I might look like an idiot for some jewelry, but it's amazing jewelry she picked out.

“You liked?” she bites her lower lip, curious.

“I loved!” I hug your body, thanking her. I know she has no intentions other than to give me a birthday present, but of course I will wear these rings and necklaces with more affection than usual. “Thanks.” I mean, still ecstatic.

Hand in hand, we approached the crowd again, bumping into Kiki, Sophie and Michael.

“We were thinking about going to Michael's house. The party is already boring and I'm hungry.” Kiki comments. I look a little offended at her, after all, that was my birthday party. “Oh! Nothing personal.” she laughs, slapping me on the shoulder.

“What do you think?” I ask the M&Ms, who shrug their shoulders. "Have you talked to the rest?"

“Leah was going to call Noah and Ash, we were going to rescue Calum.”

“OK! We'll get our stuff and meet you at the door.” Marnie agrees and so we disperse.

Still holding hands, we walked back upstairs, looking for her bag. In the kitchen, I grab a bottle of vodka, a tequila, and a whiskey, trying to put everything in my bag, but it doesn't quite work.

“We should take advantage of the gathering and have your liver funeral.” I turn to Marnie who glares at me, seeing three bottles in my arm and me struggling to open one of beer.

Easily, we made our way to the front door, finding Kiki and Sophie. Gradually, everyone arrived and so we left the party, without saying goodbye to anyone.

“Uh, tequila?” Hood comes towards me, hugging the bottle.

Michael's house was the closest and, having drunk too much, we thought we'd better walk.

On the way, we stopped at a bakery, buying a bunch of things to eat. The day was already showing signs of life when we arrived at Mike's house. At the dinner table, we spread out the stolen drinks and food, starting our round table, as well as picking up several board games that Michael kept.

“I wanted to propose a toast to Mr. Luke Hemmings.” Noah draws the toast, making everyone raise their glasses and bottles. “One of the few people worth meeting in this hellish city where you can't trust anyone. The other people are unfortunately not present…”

A shower of paper balls and food flies towards the 20 minutes older twin. I'm surprised when I watch Marnie leave my arms, standing up.

“I also wanted to give a speech.”

“You didn't have to, babe.” I say, shaking her hand that still had our fingers intertwined.

“It's not about you.” she sticks out her tongue, causing everyone to scream.

“Ouch!” I put my hand to my chest, accepting the blow and still feeling my heart race.

“Shut up.” she screams, laughing. “Well, I wanted to make this toast in thanks to all of you. I know it's been three years of friendship, but for me it's only been a month and even with all the confusion and breakup.” her fingers squeeze mine and I move them, giving them a light caress. “You still took me in and took great care of me. I am eternally grateful for that. Leah doesn't even start crying, I need to get this over with and if I cry it's going to go wrong.” the mood breaks a little with the laughter. “Bottom line, I just want to say that whatever the future holds, I like you all a lot and that this isn't just a bunch of crazy friendship the universe threw at me, it's the family I've been looking for. As Noah said, you're the few people worth living in this hell of a city and I love you all so much. Cheers!”

Everyone raises their glasses once more, toasting her speech. I cross my gaze with Leah, who has also noticed something odd. She still hadn't commented on Monday's episode and I still had it hanging around in my mind.

It was very visible that something was troubling her. Her eyes wandering lost, her disappearance since Monday until today, claiming to be super busy and out of time. Everyone was sensing that something was wrong, but she wouldn't let go or comment on it.

“Especially you.” I focus my attention on her, who settles back into my arms. “Regardless of our future, I like you very much.” she whispers, before pressing her lips to mine. “Please never forget that. Promise?”

I get lost in her eyes, noticing a hint of fear and pain in them. It's horrible to see her like this and not know what to do. For nothing in this world I want her to feel unprotected or alone, she said herself that we are a family, so she wouldn't have to face anything alone.

“Only if you promise me you'll tell me what's going on.” I play hard, not caring if this becomes an issue between us, or if it pushes her away a little.

“Luke…” my name comes out in a painful sigh.

"Marnie." I say her name harshly, wanting her to understand that I won't change my mind.

“I'll tell. Just not today. Today is your day and that's what matters to me. So please let's enjoy?” she begs. As always, I surrender, nodding. I drop a kiss to her forehead, before pulling her to my chest again.

Hastings still looks at me suspiciously and unfortunately I only have reason to agree with her. Something was up with Marnie and she didn't want to tell us.

A minute of silence, our baby is turning 25 today and I am not knowing how to handle it.

#5sos imagine #5sosedit #luke 5sos #5sauce #calum 5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos blurbs #5sosfam #5sos fanfic #5sos #ashton 5 seconds of summer #ashton 5sos #ashton fletcher irwin #ashton irwin #calum 5sauce #michael gordon clifford #calumthomashood #calum hood #michael clifford #memorieslrh #michael 5sos #luke hemmings fic #luke hemming imagines #luke robert hemmings #luke hemmo #lukey #luke hemmings smut #luke hemmings #lrh #5sos smut

[citrinekay]

Hiiii I dunno if you're still doing prompts but i've been thinking about a drabble where Bill and Holden are at home and they're both a little tipsy and Holden talks Bill into slow dancing with him, I just need some cute domestic fluff tbh, thanksss

HI Ash! Sorry for the delay in answering this 😫 life has been so busy and stressful these past couple weeks, but I finally got a chance to sit down and write this little thing that’s been bouncing around in my head ever since you sent this message. Hopefully you are still yearning for the domestic fluff, because this is fluffy to the max! Enjoy 💕

When Holden wakes on Saturday morning, the mellow, morning sunlight creeping across the unoccupied side of his bed illuminates the vacancy in a way that makes his chest tighten. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine the dust motes sailing, hitting bare skin, the radiating warmth of body heat, hands winding around his waist to pull him closer. But he’s never liked feeling needy or dependent on anyone - not until recently. 

He tries to set aside the lonely patter of his thoughts, but when he goes into the kitchen to put some breakfast together, his gaze settles nervously on the telephone. 

Last weekend, it was Bill’s turn having Brian. The week before that, Holden was over at Bill’s house, and they were making out on the couch. It seems like a small eternity ago, almost unbearable. He wants to call and invite himself over, but Bill has never been the doting type. He doesn’t appreciate clingy behavior or other people invading his personal space. This thing between them is still too new for that kind of closeness. 

Holden dispels the thought of calling, and turns his attention to making breakfast. Afterward, he busies himself by checking the contents of the refrigerator and deciding he needs to stop at the grocery store. 

On the weekend, the store is fairly busy, and he takes his time shuffling down the crowded aisles and ticking items off his list once they hit the cart. He trolls the familiar shelves by rote, allowing his mind to wander and predict the rest of the day. Maybe he’ll go for a run later or settle in with a book. More than likely, he’ll end up pouring over the case files he brought home with him. Relaxing has never come easy to him, just like the vulnerability of missing someone. 

When Holden gets back to his apartment, juggling two paper sacks of groceries and his keys, the shrill ring of his telephone reaches past the front door. Muttering a curse, he sets down one sack in order to unlock the door, and quickly drags the groceries inside. The telephone continues ringing as he knocks the door shut, stumbles past the grocery sacks into the kitchen, and swipes for the receiver. 

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Bill’s voice reaches from the other end of the line, at ease and fond, shattering Holden’s dour mood in seconds. 

“Bill, hi.” Holden says, a smile pushing unbidden at his cheeks. 

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just coming back from the store. It’s okay. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about you.”

Holden turns to lean his hips against the kitchen counter, and bites back a growing grin. “Really? That’s funny.”

“Why?”

“Because, I was thinking about you.” Holden says, clutching the phone tighter as nervous butterflies rouse in his belly. 

“Were you, now?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Well, it seems like we’re on the same page then.” Bill says, his tone modest yet holding a note of anticipation.

“About what?”

“You coming over tonight.”

The butterflies explode, not painfully but joyously. Holden purses his lips, but he can’t help the excited grin that stretches across his mouth. 

“That sounds great.” He says, attempting not to betray his over-eagerness. 

“Yeah?” Bill asks, the relief in his voice matching the warmth in Holden’s chest. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I know last week in New Hampshire was hard on you. I figured you’d want to rest-”

“No.” Holden says, quickly. “Not at all. I want to come over.”

“Great. We don’t have to do anything crazy.” Bill says, “Order some take-out, watch a movie …”

“Yeah, that all sounds good. When do you want me to come over?”

“I’ve got some chores around the house to finish up. How does five o’clock sound?”

“Good. Perfect.”

“Okay. See you then.”

After they hang up, Holden stands in the middle of the kitchen with a bewildered smile lingering on his face. His fears about coming off as too needy sink below the surface, leaving behind the warm hum of anticipation in his belly. The realization that Bill wants this - them - just as much as he does rises up slowly right next to the bubbling excitement, but Holden doesn’t try to dwell on the particulars; he has to seize this moment while it lasts. 

~

Holden pulls his car into the driveway of Bill’s house at 4:45. He prefers to be early, but today’s punctuality exists more out of uncurbed enthusiasm rather than timely diligence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from getting himself ready early and leaving his apartment ahead of schedule. He’s sure Bill won’t mind. 

Getting out of the car, he jogs up the front steps, and raps his knuckles on the front door. He doesn’t have to wait long before he hears Bill’s footfalls approach and the latch click open. 

Holden glances up from his shoes to see Bill holding the door open. He has a kitchen towel over his shoulder, and his cheeks are faintly flushed. Immediately, the mouth-watering scents of cooking dinner wafts from behind his shoulders. 

“Hi.” Bill says, his mouth fending off a smug smile. 

“Hi…” Holden says, slowly, a frown tugging at his brow. 

“Come on in.” 

Bill stands aside as Holden creeps across the threshold, pinning him with a curious gaze. 

“What smells so good?” Holden asks as Bill pulls the door shut behind him. 

Bill’s hand clasps his hip as he leans in to plant a warm kiss on Holden’s cheek. “Dinner.”

“Dinner?” Holden echoes, his brows rising. “You said we were going casual.”

“I know. I wanted to surprise you.”

“I’m practically in pajamas.” Holden protests, haplessly. “I would have dressed up if you told me you were making me dinner and-”

“Hey,” Bill interrupts, his eyes twinkling. “Hush, will you? I’m not worried about what you’re wearing.”

Holden purses his lips, and gently leans into Bill’s chest. Peeking up past his eyelashes and the flush climbing his cheeks, he murmurs, “Right. Sorry. I should be thanking you.”

“You can thank me later.” Bill whispers, planting a fleeting kiss on Holden’s mouth before he turns to go back into the kitchen. 

Holden trails behind him, his disbelief growing as he enters the kitchen to see the table set with the nice china dishware and a glass vase at the center that holds a large bouquet of purple and white flowers. 

“Wow.” Holden says, pausing in the doorway to gather himself. “Bill, this is …”

“A surprise?” Bill asks as he leans down to open the oven. 

“Yes. Very much so.”

Bill pulls the pot out of the oven, and sets it down on the top of the stove. When the lid comes off, the aromatic scent of seasoned pork roast makes Holden’s mouth water. 

“Then I succeeded.” Bill says, casting him a smile. 

Holden shuffles closer to the table, trying to curb his excitement as he bends over to smell the flowers. 

“Are these for me?”

“Yep.” Bill says, sounding casual as he carves into the roast. 

“Well, well. I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“I’m not. But I figured you would appreciate it.”

“Why’s that? I don’t consider myself a romantic either.”

Bill casts him a dubious glance over his shoulder. 

“What? I’m not.” Holden protests. 

Bill smirks, and turns his attention back to plating the food. 

Holden sighs, and rubs one of the flower petals between his thumb and forefinger. “Well, I have to admit, they are nice. I hope you didn’t spend too much on them.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to ask how much a gift costs?”

“Yes. She also taught me not to kiss boys so …. We’re in new territory, aren’t we?”

Setting aside his fork and knife, Bill turns to catch Holden by the wrist and reel him in. Both arms wind around his waist, pulling him into a firm embrace. A shiver runs through him, leaving his knees weak and his hands clutching at the front of Bill’s shirt. The thrill of warmth ends in his belly when Bill’s eyes swallow him, then his mouth comes down to turn Holden’s world inside out and upside down. Dizzy, giddy satisfaction crushes through his veins at the first sweet dash of Bill’s mouth against his own, increasing to a dazed hum when the strokes deepen and Bill’s tongue slips against his palate. 

Holden clings to Bill’s chest until the kiss ends with a slick disconnect of lips and panting breath. He opens his eyes slowly, shuddering. 

Bill gazes down at him, a faint smirk resting on the damp corner of his mouth. “I’ve been thinking about doing that all day.” He murmurs. 

Holden flushes hotly, and chokes on a reply. 

Bill chuckles. “I guess your mom didn’t tell you how great kissing boys would be, huh?”

“Not in the slightest.” Holden whispers, offering a strangled laugh. 

“Come on.” Bill says, nudging him toward the table. “Sit down. Dinner’s ready.”

Holden sinks to his chair, grateful for the support now that his legs have been turned to jelly. Part of him had meant to come here tonight feeling in control of emotions and sexually powerful. He’d meant to accept Bill’s invitation, but not act too eager. Ten minutes into the evening and he’s ready to faint like a virgin, longing for another kiss, longing for more - Bill’s hands all over his body, making him forget everything his mother ever taught him. 

After Bill sets the dinner plates in front of them and pours them each a glass of wine, he sits down across from Holden with a pleased sigh. 

“Go ahead.” He urges as Holden toys with his fork. 

“This looks really good.” Holden says, leaning forward to apply his fork and knife to the pork. 

Bill watches eagerly as he takes a bite and the tender, juicy flavor fills his mouth. 

“Mm, wow. It tastes really good, too.” Holden says around the bite. 

“Good.” Bill says, taking up his own fork. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

They both fall quiet for a few moments as they eat, the quiet clink of silverware on china filtering above the rush in Holden’s ears. He peeks past the bouquet of flowers, feeling his chest swelling and opening the same as the soft petals. It’s difficult to hold onto his stubborn sense of self-sustainability when Bill is treating him this way, making him dinner, giving him flowers, kissing him intimately in a way he knows he’ll never be kissed by anyone else again; but a part of him still clings to his jaded cynicism, the scar tissue on his heart that warns him nothing good lasts forever. 

“Bill …” Holden whispers. 

“Yeah?” Bill mutters, glancing up from his plate with a warm, expectant gaze. 

“Thank you. This is amazing. It feels too good to be true, actually.”

Bill’s mouth tilts with a soft smile. “I know. But it is.”

“In ten years …” Holden says, drawing in a shaky breath. “Are you going to cook me dinner like this?”

Bill’s eyes soften, and his chest rises with a staggered breath. Setting his fork and knife down, he rubs a hand over his mouth. 

“You, um … You think we’re going to be together like this in ten years?” 

“Well, I … I think so.” Holden says, hurriedly. “I mean, I hope so.”

“Yeah.” Bill says, his voice quietly choked. “Me, too.”

Holden lowers his head, pressing his eyes shut against the sudden sting of tears. Bill’s hand creeps across the table to clutch over his knuckles, grounding him into this moment that feels too perfectly constructed for his reality. 

“You okay?” Bill asks, gently. 

Holden nods, swiping briskly at his eyes. “Yes, fine. Good, actually.”

“Okay, good. That’s a relief. I didn’t think I was that rusty in the kitchen.”

Holden chokes on a laugh, and shakes his head. “No, it’s not the food. The food is amazing. You’re amazing, I just-”

He stops as their eyes meet across the table, and he realizes he’s shown too much - more than he ever has with anyone else. In just a few minutes, his walls have crumbled to the ground. 

He clears his throat of the forming knot, and manages a calm expression. 

“It’s just that good things normally don’t last long for me.” He says, “Everything has always felt temporary.”

Bill’s knits with concern and determination. He gives Holden’s hand another squeeze. 

“Well,” He says, “It isn’t this time.”

~

After the dishes are cleared away and the bottle of wine is diminished to a few lingering sips, Bill and Holden relax on the couch with the television playing at low volume and a Sinatra record spinning on the turntable. 

Holden isn’t paying much attention to the sports cast debating the upcoming football draft as he cuddles underneath Bill’s arm, his cheek pressed to Bill’s chest. Bill’s fingertips wander up and down the back of his arm, rousing warm tingles down his spine while the other hand guides a cigarette to and from his lips. 

Tilting his head back, Holden studies Bill’s face in the low light, the familiar edges of his jawline, his bladed cheekbones, his eyes as moody as incoming rain. He knows these planes and slopes well, has memorized each facet through sleepless, lovelorn midnights. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Bill, but tonight surprised him - and his morning concerns that Bill might find him too needy or even annoying suddenly seem ridiculous. 

The record hums static for a moment before the next song starts, the sweet, languid opening notes of “The Way You Look Tonight.”

Hesitation cast aside, Holden sits bolt upright from Bill’s chest, and clutches his arm. 

“I love this song.”

Bill’s attention breaks from the television to pin Holden with a bemused smile. “Yeah. It’s a good one.”

“It’s one of my mom’s favorite songs.” Holden says, climbing to his feet. “We used to slow dance to it in the kitchen.”

“There you go with your mom again.”

“She has good music taste. Obviously.” Holden says, tugging on Bill’s hand. “Come on.”

“Come where?” 

“Come on. Dance with me.” Holden says, offering his most imploringly coy gaze. 

“Oh, no.” Bill says, shaking his head. “I think I’ve fulfilled enough romantic duties for tonight.”

“Duties? You seemed pretty pleased with yourself.”

“Yeah, well. You said you weren’t a romantic either.” 

“Maybe I lied a little.” Holden says, giving Bill’s hand another firm tug. “Please?”

Bill gives a labored sigh, but quickly sets aside his cigarette and climbs to his feet. 

“Here.” Holden says, guiding Bill’s left hand to his hip and catching the right hand in his own grasp. “I’ll lead.”

“Holden, I know how to dance.” Bill says, flipping their hands over so that his is on top.

“Do you?” 

“Yeah, it’s just been awhile.” 

Holden purses his mouth shut as Bill’s palm flattens against his lower back, drawing him so close that their mouths nearly collide. A chuckle rises up in his belly, the last of his misgivings melting away beneath the duress of Bill’s embrace and half a bottle of a wine simmering in his veins. It feels too good to resist now that he’s wrapped up in Bill’s arms, their bodies swaying against one another while Sinatra croons a saccharine, lovesick melody. 

They’re quiet through the first verse as they rock back and forth, turning in a slow circle in the middle of the living room carpet. Holden wraps his arm tighter around Bill’s shoulders, and lowers his head to the warm cradle of Bill’s neck. 

“I have a confession.” He whispers as the song swells into the chorus. 

“Hmm?”  

“I thought about calling you this morning before you called me.” Holden whispers, lifting his head from Bill’s neck to cast him a sheepish smile. “But I didn’t want to seem clingy.”

“Clingy?” Bill echoes. “Why would you seem clingy?”

“Well, we see each other every day at work, and we were just together all weekend the other week. I just thought-”

“That I didn’t miss you?” 

Holden pauses, his throat knotting again. “Well, um … yes.”

“I missed you a lot when you were in New Hampshire.” Bill says, leaning in to kiss Holden’s lower lip softly. “I do every time we have to go out of town for work.”

Holden leans into the kiss, but Bill’s mouth only strokes softly for a few moments before he pulls back, his forehead nudging against Holden’s. 

“Can I be completely honest with you right now?”

“Yes, of course.” 

“Good.” Bill says, his hand squeezing against Holden’s lower back. “Because I don’t want to waste anymore time. I’ve wasted years, you know. Years I can’t get back.”

Holden frowns, feeling his chest begin to quiver. “Years?”

“Yes. Years without this - without you.” Bill says, glancing away with a coarse scoff as the words choke in his throat. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Holden murmurs, leaning closer. 

They’ve stopped dancing, but their hands are still clasped in mid-air. Holden doesn’t feel like letting go of Bill’s hand. 

“I don’t know.” Bill says, “I guess I thought this would be easier if I persuaded you with dinner and flowers and wine.”

“Persuaded me?” Holden echoes. 

“Yeah.” Bill says, shifting a misty gaze back to Holden. He draws in a slow breath. “But you’re going to make me say out loud, aren’t you?”

Holden swallows hard. There’s a buzzing in his ears that doesn’t quite feel like panic. His belly is surging, flipping. They’re rushing towards a precipice that they can’t turn back from. He’s carving out pieces of himself and handing them over.  Willingly. They both are. 

“Look,” Bill says, lowering his head again, “I know it’s hard for both of us to say how we feel, but I can’t keep pretending that this is some kind of phase or fling or- … It means more than that to me, and you were talking about ten years from now so I know you do too.”

Holden adjusts his grasp on Bill’s hand. Both of them are sweaty with nerves, but he doesn’t want to let go. 

Bill lifts his head. His eyes are clear, resolute. There’s a pause, not the quiet before a destructive storm but the anticipation before a deliverance of rain. 

“I love you.” Bill says, quietly. 

Holden draws in a hitched breath, and tears instantly sting his eyes. Overwhelmed, he buries his face in Bill’s neck, and wraps both arms around his shoulders. Sinatra’s serenade swells below the surge of his heartbeat, the broken, lonely pieces of himself coming back together again. 

Bill holds him close until he can breathe again, until he can look up and look into Bill’s eyes without crumbling entirely. 

“I love you, too.” Holden chokes out, a tear streaking down his cheek in the same moment that he begins to laugh for joy. 

“You do?” Bill asks, a hopeful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“Yes.” Holden nods, pressing a series of affirming kisses to Bill’s mouth, mumbling the response again and again into the narrow space between their mouths. 

Bill’s hand strokes away the last of his tears before it takes up Holden’s hand into the dancing position again. As they begin to sway once more, Holden nestles his cheek against Bill’s shoulder. His mind goes quiet, not for the first time, but for the first time in a very long time, in so long that he’d almost forgotten what this kind of contentment feels like. Relief rushes through him, a nebulous epiphany of bliss. In this moment, he can see every second of the future, the two of them together just like this.  Nothing lasts forever, but some things are infinite.

#bill x holden #my writing #ashtheironbat

[sadboyayeron]

Hello! Do you, maybe have anything about deaged!Aaron? I've seen a lot of fics where other Foxes are deaged but I'd like some good smol Aaron content please! Also I'm not sure if you're still taking prompts or not... If you aren't, it's okay.

Honestly I’ve been waiting for someone to do this myself, so Ill try.

- They were all in the house in Columbia.  Only Neil and Andrew were up so far.  Andrew was sitting on the kitchen counter sipping on his coffee while Neil was leaning next to him slowly drink his.  They didn’t say a word to each other, just content with each others presence.

- Nicky was the next to wake up.  He greeted them with a “Good Morning” and started making pancakes, trying his best not to yawn every five or so seconds.  Andrew and Neil left the kitchen and found themselves on the couch, on either side of the arm rest facing each other with there toes touching.

- Lastly it was Kevin who woke up.  Which is weird because Kevin is always the last to get up.  Andrew wasn’t trying to worry or nothing but his brother always woke up from the smell of Nicky’s cooking, or at least decided it was time to get up.  Nicky started to look around but he seemed to not be able to found what he was looking for and frowned.

- Andrew sighed and got up to see what was the delay.  Nicky quickly looked back at his slightly burning pancake.  Andrew walked up the stairs and towards his brother room.  He doesn’t usually check on his brother or knock on his door unless its time to leave.

- He knocked on the door but there was no response.  Aaron was a light sleeper, just as light as him.  Its not like he knocks lightly.  He started banging on the door instead, until he heard a bump like something fell inside.  He quickly opened the door definitely not expecting to see what was looking back at him.

- There was a kid.  Not just any kid.  He know exactly who it was because used to look at that same face everyday in the mirror.  

- “Aaron.”  He let the name slip between his lip always.  He glanced at the bed noticing the ruffled bed sheets, half laying on the floor.  Aaron was clad in the same white long sleeve shirt that he went to sleep in last night.  Excepted it fell just below his knees and the sleeves went inches beyond his hands.  The caller was slanted to the side exposing his freckled shoulder. He could see a bruise on Aaron’s cheek and if he looked closely there was another on his shoulder. 

- “How’d you know my name?”  His voice was small and unsure with a slight lisp he remembers having in his own voice.  He was wrinkling his fingers together though the fabric.  His big hazel eyes were wide and then he looked down.  “Did mama eave me again?”

-That shook Andrew.  What did he mean leave him?  Before he could say anything else Nicky came in from behind him.

- “Breakfa-oh. Is that..?”  He stepped to the side next to Andrew to get a better look.  He was just as confused.  Aaron was definitely not this small.  He was when he was five or six though.  He had know idea what kinda witch craft bullshit this was but he knew a little of what Aaron was like at this age and maybe Aaron won’t recognize him.  Then again he would have been eight or nine himself. They only saw each other couple times between years before he took in the twins.

- He stepped forward a little and glanced back at Andrew.  He crouch down to Aaron's level catching the kids attention, he stepped back though not liking how close Nicky was to him.  Nicky could feel Andrews eyes on them.

- “Hey buddy remember me, its Nicky.  Your cousin.”  He tried to make his voice low and as non threatening as possible.  Aaron looked for something in his face, probably trying to find the lie in his truth.

- “Nicky, how’d you get so big.”  Aaron tilted his head to the side and squinted his eyes at Nicky then glanced behind him.  He leaned forward little and whispered, “Who's tat.”  Nicky tried to stop his smile from forming and hugging Aaron.  Aaron looked around again.  “Where are we.”

- Nicky stood back up.  Aaron always used to lose track of what he was talking about and jumped from question to question.  When they were younger, the times he actually saw Aaron, the little guy would talk and talk when he got comfortable with Nicky.  He would be timid at first but when you gave him some attention and time to warm up he would turn into a ball of energy.

- “Well I’ve been eating all my veggies, and uh this is uh...Your brotherrr?”  He didn’t know what else to say.  Andrew gave him a look and then waved at Aaron.  Awe he's trying.  Aaron looked confused but went with it.  “And we are at his house.  Anyways I just made pancakes your hungry.”

- Aaron dropped his arms to his side and tried to pull up the sleeves to show his hands.  He nodded and walked forwards following Andrew and Nicky out the door.  Andrew went a little more ahead to inform the other two about this little predicament.  Neil and Kevin were even more confused.  How the hell does that even happen?

- Aaron sat at the table and Nicky served him a plate, leaving a bottle of syrup in front of him.  Andrew sat on the other side of the table in front of Aaron.  Neil and Kevin too, sitting on the sides while Nicky took to sitting next to him.  Aaron started by cutting his pancakes into tiny little pieces and then dumped a load of syrup on top.

- Kevin scrunched his nose in distaste. That is way to much sugar for a kid. He practically rivaled Andrews plate.

- “Whoa Aaron slow down the food isn't going anywhere.”  Aaron was shoving piece after piece in his mouth barely giving himself enough time to chew before swallowing.  Aaron looked at Nicky with his cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk.  He then put his fork down and started to chew what was in his mouth.

- Aaron only got done with two thirds of his plate before he started to feel full.  He always eats fast even when it makes his chest hurt because he can eat more.  He needs to eat everything on his plate so he doesn't make anybody mad.

- “You don’t need to eat it all if your full.”  Neil spoke up.  He could see it in Aaron’s face the discomfort from putting another piece in his mouth.  Aaron looked at Neil then, for the first time since he became a kid.  He then looked at Nicky who in return just gave him a smile and took his plate.  When Nicky came back he was holding a glass of orange juice.  It was Aaron's juice, he aways got pissed when someone drank it and basically finished it.  The tiny Aaron took the drink between his clothed covered fingers a gulped down half the cup before setting it back down. 

- Nicky then took him back upstairs to wash his face and teeth

- “He said something about Tilda leaving him again.”  Andrew said to Neil once they were fully alone.  He didn’t like the sound of Tilda just leaving a kid with whoever, especially when most of her ���friends’ where either drug addicts or dealers

- “Why don't you ask him then.”  Andrew didn’t want to.  He would feel as though he took advantage of the moment.  If Aaron really wanted him to know the extent of Tilda’s abuse and neglect he would tell his when he was ready, or when they speech to Bee. 

- Nicky came back with Aaron and brought him to the couch were he put on a kids show.  He left Aaron their and asked Andrew if he could have to the keys to the Maserati so he could buy Aaron some clothes and stuff.  Andrew only sighed and pointed to his keys.

- Neil went back up stairs to do some homework in their shared room.  Andrew was left with his child version of his brother.  Aaron seemed very much entranced by the Tv screen.  When Andrew sat on the couch Aaron flinched and looked at him quickly before looking back to the Tv.  Andrew really was not liking this.  He really needed Aaron to turn back or this to be some type of messed up dream.  He could tell Aaron was uncomfortable with Andrew on the couch with him.  He didn’t want to know why, well he did but he was telling himself he didn’t.

- When Nicky got back both twins were rigidly sitting on the couch looking at the television both on different sides of it.  Nicky didn’t know everything about what happened to Aaron with Tilda.  He does remember her always telling him to be quiet, ignoring his existence, and grabbing him with more force then his own mother ever even attempted I do.

- He gave Aaron a light blue t-shirt, gray joggers, and underwear.  Aaron demanded “Privacy” and went to the bathroom.  When he came out he looked like a mini version of his adult self.  Though now that he looked he could see how skinny Aaron actually was.  He's always been more lean then Andrew since he took him in.  When they were younger he knew Aaron was skinny, he was too but now that he actually looks he can see that Aaron was clearly underweight for his age and height.

- Andrew noticed to and pretended the anger he was feeling at the moment wasn’t there.  The bruises on Aaron's arms were now visible, some yellow and fading.  Others that were still blue and purple.  Aaron saw there lingering eyes and quickly looked down trying to make himself look smaller.

- “Can-um...Is it otay if I have a sweader.”  Nicky scrambled to get the shopping bag and pulled out a navy blue hoodie and handed it to Aaron who slipped into it swiftly.  He put the hood over his head and climbed back onto the couch and laid his head on the arm rest.

- Andrew wanted to say something or do something to comfort the boy who obviously felt like he did something wrong by just having bruises on his arms that were given to him by a women that should of loved him the way a mother loves a child.  Nicky was better at these kinds of things.

- “Hey Aaron look I got you legos,”  Aaron purked up at that.  “You can play with me and Andrew.”  Aaron looked at Andrew and Andrew tried to force a tiny smile that Nicky wouldn’t see. That seemed to do the trick.  Aaron relaxed onto the floor and Nicky dumped the legos in front of him.  Andrew slipped next to Aaron leaning against to couch.

-Aaron built a little car and had the lego man inside.  He was rolling it around making barely heard car noises.  Andrew was busy trying to make a city out of the legos but he didn’t think there was enough.  Aaron kept glaring at his creations with childish temptation. He had know clue what Nicky was doing but he was laying down making some sort of plain looking thing.  Aaron started to crawl towards Nicky with the car, then hopped over his body and kept driving the car around.  Nicky laughed at that and Aaron turned around and smiled at Nicky.  This smiled showed his teeth and was clearly a missing front tooth. 

-Nicky couldn’t help the cuteness and grabbed Aaron suddenly into a hug.  Andrew was about to grabbed Nicky when he saw the look of surprise on Aarons face and the flinched from being grabbed.  He stopped though when he notice Aaron melt into the hug.  He could tell Aaron didn’t regularly get hugged or shown any type of affection.  He saw the way Aaron rested his head on Nickys shoulder since Nicky was now sitting and Aaron was standing.  The way he didn't know where to place his arms so he kept them to his sides because he was scared he would mess it up.  Nicky leaned away put still had Aarons shoulders in his hands, smiling at him happily.  He remembered how touched starved Aaron was.

- “I’m going to go make you some lunch okay, it’s a little past lunch but its okay.”  He patted his shoulder and got up.  Aaron watched him leave and plopped back down into criss cross.  He picked up Nickys make shift plain then looked at Andrew.  Andrew did not want to know what that little look on his face meant.  Aaron then glanced back at his city and looked just about ready to pounce.  Andrew was preparing for the worse and schooled his face into his signature scowl.

- “Pushhhhhhh.”  Aaron flew the plain right into Andrews tallest building and it tumbled down onto Andrews lap.  Aaron laughed when Andrews face still looked blank and started to pretend he was a monster and kick the rest down.  He stepped onto couple legos and then fell into Andrew.  The weight of Aaron was definitely nothing compared to what he used to be as an Adult.  The weight still cause Andrew to slightly flinch but he still caught Aaron in his arms.  Now Aaron was basically sitting in his lap.  They both paused and then Aaron looked up at Andrew and laughed at the sight of Andrews constipated looking face from upside down.  He rolled off.  Literally.  Rolled into the legos and straight to making a lego angel.  This seemed like a entirely different kid from the timid scared one he saw in the beginning.

- Nicky came back with a sandwich telling Aaron to sit on the couch, Andrew following suit.  Nicky put on a Disney movie, The fox and the hound.  Aaron use to love watching this movie during those times he saw him.  Aaron saw happily between Andrew and Nicky eating a piece his sandwich slowly.  He saw the way Aaron started to lean on Andrews Arm, Andrew got stiff and then relax into the added weight.  He liked this feeling of the being a family.  There wasn’t a lot moments like these and he was happy to witness one of them.

-Soon Neil came down and saw the scene, he sat in the love seat and watched the last part of the movie.  Once the credits rolled around they noticed Aaron was sound asleep curled up against Andrews side.  Andrew moved slightly and put one of the pillows his could grab under Aarons head.  Nicky placed a blanket around Aaron and decide he should make fajitas for dinner.  It would take a little bit and hopefully be ready when Aaron woke up.

-They didn’t have to wait long because next thing they knew there was a scream.  Nicky watch Andrew walk fast towards the noise.  He could make out Kevin in the room with Aaron.  Jeez what did he do.

-Kevin was annoyed by this child version of Aaron to say the least.  He sat next to him while he was sleeping as far as he could get.  He was trying to watch the Trojans game that he reordered.  He turned it up and this  is when Aaron woke up and told him to go away.  What. The. Hell. All he wanted to do was watch Exy in peace, why wasn’t he in his own room.

- “You go away.”  Was it mature to fight with a child? No.  But this child wasn’t really a ‘child’ technically so it doesn’t count.  Aaron lunged for the remote and tried to take it from Kevin who was way more stronger then this version of Aaron.  Thats when Aaron bumped into the table next to the couch that had Kevin's glass of water set on top of it.  Then it fell and Broke.  The crash made Aaron flinch and he moved away from Kevin.  Kevin saw the look on his face and it made his gut twist.  

- “I’m sorwy, I’m srwy,” he kept repeating and Kevin really didn’t know what to do.  He got on his knees to try and calm the kid and make himself look less like he was about to hurt him.  Aaron start to cover his ears and griping them tightly along with pulling the curls of hair along his ear.

- “Hey, hey.  Its okay its not your fault I did it to.  Don’t do that.”  He reached out to try to stop Aaron from hurting himself.  That was a Mistake.

- When Andrew came he was not prepared for the sight.  Kevin was kneeled in front of Aaron who was gripping his ears tightly while crying.  Kevin was not far off from cry himself and was working his why into a panic attack as he was trying and ever so clearly falling at calming the kid.  He pushed Kevin away and thats when he noticed the broken glass. 

- “Aaron, Aaron its Andrew.  Your not in trouble.  No one is going to hurt you.”  He repeated those words till Aaron seemed to notice his presence and lose his grip on his ears.  His teeth were chattering and he was hugging himself.  He noticed Neil then, standing by the stairs.  He didn’t want to but he opened up his arms in a question. ‘Yes or No?’

- Aaron liked it here with Nicky, Andrew and their friends.  He didn't want to ruin everything like his mom said he does.  The sound of the braking glass made him think of mom.  Was she going to be mad at him?  Where they going to call her?  He panicked.  Andrews arms felt nice when he fell into them.  So Nice he started to cry again because he never been hugged twice in one day.  Andrew didn’t hold him tightly like Nicky did but he still felt warm.  He's so used to being cold.

-Nicky showed his face and frowned but then smiled at the scene.  Kevin was trying to calm himself by picking up the glass.

-When everything calmed down they all sat down in the same seats for dinner and ate quietly.  Aaron was still sniffing, his eyes were puffy still to.  Andrew honestly looked exhausted.  To much childhood trauma reminders for one day.

-Nicky gave Aaron a bath, with Andrew standing at the endurance of the bathroom door protectively.  Aaron didn't want him to go.  

-Putting him to sleep was the hardest part.  He always had a hard time sleeping.  He didn't communicate why and no body was going to force him to. Neil made him some warm tea with milk and honey that helped himself fall asleep.  It worked and Aaron fell asleep with his head laying in nickys lap; Nicky massaging his long curls.  Andrew was the one to pick him up and take him to his room.  Aaron woke up little, but settled himself in Andrews arms, wrapping his own around Andrews neck.

-The next morning Aaron woke up as a 21 year old again.  He remember everything.  If tears rolled down his face when he sat up in bed nobody was going to know.

[oghoneytryst]

miss you.

request: angsty piece where harry gives y/n the silent treatment.

or

where y/n loses Harry’s rose ring.

this is very delayed as I went through a writer’s block, but I think I've overcome it. I spent a lot of time on this so I really hope you all enjoy :) feedback is appreciated!

-

It was a ring. A material item woven of dear silver into the form of a rose in everlasting bloom. Intricate in how patience perfected the very details adorning the heavy band, it was a prized possession, from the shaded black embodied beneath the silver petals to the sister of leaves on the sides engraved mid sway in the winds.

But it was a ring. Inanimate without a mind of its own. A luxury that y/n believed had been mistaken by him for a necessity.

It was an instinct for Harry to reach for y/n’s delicate hand when he saw the exorbitant accessory no longer protecting her symbolic ring finger. He brought it closer to his curious eyes, rubbing his thumb across the skin just below her knuckles. Excuses began to cross his mind thereafter: perhaps she had mindlessly moved it onto another finger; perhaps the band had become invisible on her skin overnight; perhaps his eye deceived him and the ring had been there all along.

In his swollen heart, he had hoped he was right in assuming that there could not even be a sliver of a possibility that she cared so little as to lose it. Even so, the manner in which her sleepy eyebrows knitted closer together, the squint of her lustrous eyes in close examination of her own naked finger, and the slight tilt of her precious little head—it had all been indications of just how clueless she was as him.

“What do you mean you don’t know where it is?” Harry’s voice was gentle, but y/n feared that it would soon threaten to mix with the bitter flavor of rage. Though she detested having to swallow down the taste, she knew that it was inevitable for a conflict to transpire.

“I don’t know. It must have fallen off or something.”

“Fallen off? What—how d’ya not feel it fall off?”

His lover chewed on the inside of her cheek, puckering her lips adorably to one side in a pensive manner. It had been concluded by him long ago that she would ultimately be the death of him, simply because of the overwhelming power that she didn’t even know she possessed. Hell, he could already feel his insides spinning in a whirlpool from just the sight of her, prepared to forgive her for all the trouble that she had caused.

Yet, over this particular manner, he managed to stand his ground. His interrogation proceeded, rapid questions pricking at y/n’s brain, searching for an answer that she could not stretch her memory far back enough to retrieve.

An excuse stumbled from her lips, y/n being well aware that responding in silence would only make him antsier. “I’m not used to it, I guess. I mean, it’s not like it’s usually there.”

Her hand had fallen back to her side, having upset Harry so much that he could not even bear to caress her with his gentleness. “Yes, and now it’s not there at all!” he frustratingly pointed out. The meek possibility that y/n had hidden it somewhere for safe keeping burned in the back of his mind. He wanted so badly to be wrong about his accusations.

“I haven’t even left the house, Harry.” She attempted to reason with him, unable to comprehend his attachment to such a possession that he was so keen to give away. “I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.”

Her words were buried in the brief silence of the living room, the green of Harry’s eyes becoming more prominent as his stare lingered on only her. It was logical, and the more he considered her words, the quicker he sensed the bubbling rage in his bones begin to dissolve.

“Just fucking calm down,” was what followed, falling from the tip of y/n’s tongue with far too much ease.

It would have been different had she been having a laugh with her friends. Harry then would not have given her vulgar language a second thought. He was aware that she favored the word to emphasis her emotions, which is also why he encouraged it to slip past her delicate lips during their most intimate moments, bodies storming against each other with euphoric pleasure.

But in their current predicament, Harry had become humiliated by the vileness she used against him. She portrayed such careless behavior from losing the ring that embodied much significance to Harry, especially after he had slipped it onto her symbolic figure. He had every right to be upset with her, to be enraged so that perhaps she could understand the severity of the situation, and she did not have the privilege to retaliate with such foul words.

“I trusted you with that ring, y/n.” Harry frowned. “And now you’ve lost it.”

Y/n shrugged. “Sorry.”

Harry was perfectly capable of keeping his patience, but standing there waiting for the continuation of her apology left the blood boiling beneath his pale skin upon realizing that she had nothing more to say. His fragile heart could burst at how mistaken she was to believe that an often-overused, sometimes meaningless phrase would be able to repair the damage that had been done.

Sorry, she said. Sorry.

The brunet pursed his lips and nodded silently to himself. All at once, the veins protruded from his arms, caused by the fists clenched tightly at his sides. He adored y/n, and he submerged himself so deep in her love every day that it was considerable for him to ink the word fool on his heart. But her ignorance—it created a temper that he wasn’t sure he could control.

It was then he recognized how he had to. He forced himself not to rebuttal, because if his words could not make her understand, then his silence must possess a more powerful effect.

You’re going to be, was what he had wanted to say. He wanted to warn her, despite how much she didn’t deserve it, but he carried himself away, up the stairs before he could fall helpless to her charm.

The following morning was an early Sunday. Y/n’s favorite routine was to awake next to her sleepy lover, dragging the morning out so that they could spend it wrapped in each other’s arms and legs. But Harry had not cuddled her in the night as he usually would, and it was unfortunate for her to feel the space next to her void of a human body she was so familiar with.

Y/n ran her hands across the sheets, cold and empty as they probably had been for a while. She had half a mind that, since having been finished with his tour, Harry would sleep in and catch up on all of the rest he had been missing. She so desperately wanted to catch a glimpse of the softness that secreted from his slumbering angel face.

Sitting upright on the mattress, y/n squinted against the harsh sunlight peering in through the blinds. The corners of her mouth dared to tug downwards with discontentment, but then the persistent smell of a cooked breakfast intruded her nostrils. It was a reigning quality of Harry’s to always want to provide for her, showing off his talents in exchange for praise.

After stretching her limbs and climbing out of bed, Y/n trotted past the hallway and down the stairs with a pleasing smile etched onto her face. It made her beholden to know that Harry had slept off his anger from their argument yesterday afternoon. The lack of his warmth made it difficult to sleep at night, and she most definitely did not want to repeat the coldness of last night.

When she stepped into the kitchen, Harry had been sat on a stool, hunched over a plate while mindlessly scrolling through the emails on his phone. Her eyes bore into his floral-clad back, the short sleeves exposing the detailing on his arms that she wished had held onto her in the AM.

Sneaking up behind him, she felt his body give a quick jolt of surprise when wrapping her arms securely around his waist. Y/n let out an effortless giggle, but was a little dismayed when Harry hadn’t expressed any delight or comment when his head turned to face her.

“Good morning, my love,” she greeted him kindly. After swiftly seating herself upon the stool next to his, she puckered her lips and leaned over to him in search of a desiring kiss.

The dismay grew when her lips came in contact with his stiff cheekbone instead of his mouth. She opened the lids of her eyes, dubiety taking over as she pulled away ever so slowly. Proceeding to munch on the omelet stuck on his plate, Harry pretended not to notice the mishap, possibly because he had been the one to turn his head away at the last second.

“Um... it’s still pretty early,” y/n spoke up, optimistic as she grabbed the fork from his hand and cut a piece of the omelet off for herself. “Do you want to go back to bed or maybe spend the day out? There’s a new diner that opened up downtown last month and I’ve been meaning to—”

The default ringtone resonating from Harry’s phone cut her sentence short. Trailing both of their eyes to the screen, a name belonging to one of Harry’s team members illuminated above an assigned picture. Y/n expected him to silence the call, knowing that he was now on a break and wanted privacy as he worked on unofficial things. Besides, Sundays were their days, spent in whichever way they chose as long as they were together.

“Hello?” Harry answered the call, completely disregarding the fact that his girlfriend had been speaking to him only seconds prior. “Oh, hi. Yeah, m’good. No, m’not busy right now, what d’ya need?”

In the midst of swallowing down her piece of the omelet, y/n tilted her head at him, almost as if to say hello, what about me? She was certain that he could see her distress, but he gave to her no attention before standing up from the stool, taking the plate with him. She was about to announce that she had not finished eating yet, but couldn’t find the courage to do so as she watched him slide the remnants of food into the garbage.

The dirty fork fell from y/n’s hand and onto the kitchen counter with a clink. Harry proceeded to place the empty plate into the sink, laughing obnoxiously on his call as he ignored his girlfriend and walked out of the room.

As frustrated as she was with his behavior, she convinced herself that it was only because he needed some more time to clear his head. It had been easy to comply with his wishes for the rest of the day. But when his actions—or lack thereof—carried onto the next few days, y/n had grown restless. The atmosphere surrounding them was appalling, which made it difficult for her to snag a few kisses from his plump lips and comfort from his cuddles. Needless to say, she was growing tired of his childish behavior.

Harry was currently sat on the couch, watching a rom-com on the television in midday. He ignored the sound of y/n’s heavy footsteps as she shuffled down the stairs, unaware of the idea that had hit her in that moment. While he certainly was relentless, y/n was positive that he would be unable to resist her trap.

She was giddy in snatching the remote away from Harry’s hand, plopping herself down on the couch next to him. To no surprise at all, Harry let out an annoyed huff and made a very lame attempt to retrieve the control.

Y/n pushed his arm away, turning the television set off mid a Julia Roberts line. She gave life to the speakers set right next to the flat screen, smiling devilishly as the Bluetooth connected with her phone. Her finger tapped lightly on a song listed in her music app and at once the room became engulfed by Fleetwood Mac’s You Make Loving Fun.

Harry tensed up, cursing the girl for her brilliance. His fingers slightly fidgeted, wanting so desperately for the music to flow through him in rhythms of tapping. He pursed his lips tightly, not wanting to make a single sound of defeat.

“Sweet, wonderful you,” y/n began to sing to him, an obnoxious few inches from his stern face. “You make me happy with the things you do.”

He made no indication of giving into her luring spell. How badly he wanted to grip onto her, serenade her with one of his favorite declarations of love, but he simply couldn’t. She still didn’t understand.

“Oh, can it be so...” she continued on, feeling the music move to her soul. She grabbed onto his stiff hands, raising herself from the couch to sway to the irresistible beat. “This feeling follows me wherever I go.”

As her voice mixed with Christine McVie’s own soothing charisma, y/n let her excitement get the best of her when Harry had finally stood up from the couch. There had been a glimmer in her eyes, expecting his singing to merge them into the chorus.

She ceased her dancing when Harry had pulled their hands apart, followed by an emotionless look that admittedly frightened her. Disappointment instilled in her heart when he made a simple motion to walk away, leaving her haunted by the now lonely track playing to her ears.

“I never did believe in miracles, but I’ve a feeling it’s time to try.”

Y/n had decided that enough was enough when Harry made the decision to sleep on the couch one night. He hadn’t told her he would be doing so, the clock nearing 11 with her snuggled underneath the covers. She then realized that it had been days since she’d heard his loving voice, thick as honey and smooth as butter. She missed him, in spite of how furious she had become seeing him already asleep on the couch underneath a quilted blanket.

It was now just a little past 2 AM. Y/n had been searching for the ring for the past three hours, stumbling upon every crease, crack, and corner that the damned thing could’ve slipped to. The upstairs area had become a mess with her sifting through articles of clothing, bedsheets from every bedroom, drawers hauled open, and light furniture crooked from being tugged to the side.

Her burdened eyes glazed over with tears when her fingers had finally come in contact with an extravagant bundle of silver underneath the mattress. She wasn’t sure how it had managed to get stuck under there, but she did not dwell on the idea for too long, clutching the ring tightly in her fist. She was almost afraid that it would disappear into thin air, digging her deeper into the unaffectionate hole that she was trapped in.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to shove the ring in Harry’s face and shout, “Here! I told you I didn’t fucking lose it!”

The urge to do so, however, had dwindled when she noticed Harry’s tall figure cradled on the couch. He was in an uncomfortably restricting position, one that would certainly kill his back in the morning. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have another choice waiting for him upstairs. He was purposely giving himself the worst of the situation, but he wasn’t going to force y/n to take the couch for the night. She knew that he simply did not want to speak to her.

With a deep exhale, y/n trudged over to the couch and laid her body over his. She felt him shuffle under her weight, his back muscles tensing up against her chest. Bringing the ring up to his vision, she flipped the band between her fingertips.

“Found it,” she whispered, relieved as his piercing green eyes pried open.

He blinked the sleep away, focusing his vision onto the familiar item caressed by her soft fingertips. In a brisk yet careful motion, Harry turned his body around underneath her. Chest-to-chest, a very faint frown played on his lips, savoring the contact that they had been missing for what seemed like ages.

She looked so worn-out, but the drooping bags underneath her eyes and the faint pout on her lips absolutely crazed him. She was his dearest treasure, not to say that he viewed her as some sort of trophy, but rather a piece of his life that he valued so deeply and never wanted to lose.

It would have been so easy to kiss her, to forgive her after her determination to find the ring. He should have known that his precious y/n was terrible at biting her tongue.

“Now that I’ve found it, will you stop acting like a child and talk to me?”

The romantic ambience of the living room had diminished by the end of her sentence. Harry was never one to fuel up on his anger, but something about her statement had caught him in an irksome way. It was then he realized, she still, after all of this, did not understand.

Harry let out a scoff, pulling up all his weight to sit upright on the couch. She followed his movements, disgruntled as he stood up and shifted towards the kitchen. He was still as silent as ever.

“Are you serious?” she called after him, trailing after him with the ring still entrapped in her fist. “I found the ring, Harry, what more do you want from me?”

Harry gripped tightly onto the edge of the kitchen counter, squeezing his eyes tightly as though the words could not seep into his lonely brain. What more could he do?

“It was never,”’ Harry paused, emitting a low exhale as if to release the fury in his system, “never ‘bout losing the ring.”

“Of course, it was.” Y/n slammed the band down on the counter in front of him, pretending as though she were unaffected by the sound of his voice that she had missed so much. “When you found out that I lost the ring, you were furious with me.”

“I was upset, yeah, in the moment,” he confirmed, suddenly disgusted by the sight of the rose. “But I would’ve forgiven you.”

“Then why didn’t you? Why the silent treatment? Why were you acting so juvenile—”

“Because,” Harry seethed, his knuckles turning a dangerous milky white, “the ring means a lot to me. I thought it meant a lot to you, but you were acting as if it were no big deal. As if you were fine that it could’ve been lost forever.”

“It wasn’t though! It had been here the whole time!”

“But you didn’t know that!” Harry let out an exasperated laugh, sad almost, given the situation. “You didn’t know for sure if the ring was in this house. Was it so hard for you to express some regret for your careless actions?”

Y/n was careful not to raise her voice too much, but his words had frustrated her in such a way that she almost wished that he still wasn’t speaking to her. “What do you mean?” she exclaimed. “I said I was sorry!”

“Yeah, and that’s all you said. It was the most insincere thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, fine, I deeply apologize for losing your oh so precious—”

Harry scoffed again, interrupting her weak attempt for remorse. “You’re not even making eye contact with me, y/n.”

It seemed to her as if there was no pleasing him. A resolution had once seemed close to achieving, but it had now turned into a back-and-forth between the two. With a stubborn refusal to try again, y/n lowered her eyes to the cold tiles beneath her bare feet and crossed her arms over her chest.

It occurred to Harry, watching her distressed figure as it cocooned itself, that even if y/n couldn’t understand his perspective, perhaps he didn’t quite comprehend hers as well. The impression of two different arguments was suddenly very evident to him, but he struggled to figure out where her problem laid.

He took a short stride over to her, placing his hands firmly on her shoulders which gave her a startle. She gaped up him, lips pouted and brow softly furrowed, cautious about what he was to do or say.

“Why is it so hard for you to give meaning to things?”

The question surprised her, as though it wasn’t quite was she was expecting. He’d connected the dots, even if she hadn’t quite done that for herself. The ring was obviously significant, and though she knew that, she still couldn’t comprehend why.

“I don’t know.” Y/n shrugged after a short moment of silent pondering. “I guess, I’ve never really been able to. I haven’t had much consistency in my life, ya know?”

Harry nodded. “I know.”

“...I think you’re the only real constant thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

It broke him to hear those words. He’d become accustomed to his lifestyle, assigning memories to objects that would add onto his meaningful archive. It never crossed his mind how she might have had differed from him, unable to attach to something for so long in knowing fear that it would not be there the next day.

Harry frowned at her, cupping her cheek ever so softly with his right hand. “You’re not going to lose me, y/n. I give ya these kinds of things so that you know I’m always with ya.”

“Yeah, I guess I know that already,” she mumbled, leaning into his hand. “Just, this whole silent treatment, it really made me feel what it would be like if that statement ended up being untrue. And I really am sorry, Harry, I really didn’t mean to lose the ring.”

He shook his head, quietly shushing her as he sensed the crack in her voice. “I know, my love. I know you didn’t. Just wanted you to get where I’m coming from, is all. And I promise, you don’t ever have to worry about me and you. Got my whole fuckin’ heart in ya bloody hands.”

Y/n couldn’t contain herself anymore. Her feet raised at the top of her toes, allowing to reach to his plump lips that she wanted to devour herself in. She never wanted to let go.

Pulling away for despairing air, Harry placed a firm and lingering kiss on her warm forehead. He bundled his love in his arms, reassuring her of the constant home she had in them.

“I think the ring slipped off cos’ it might’ve been too big for ya finger.” He whispered, placing yet another kiss on her, this time at the top of her ear. “If ya still want, we could always put it on a chain. Wear it around ya neck, take me wherever ya go.”

Y/n’s body vibrated with chuckles underneath him, sensing the familiarity return to her at once. “I would love nothing more, my love.”

#honeytryst

[bastart13]

Hey there! I've been trouble finding resources about this so I've been asking some tumblr artists I really respect... if you dont mind, do you have any tips or resources about starting commissions? I have no idea where to start with payment and communication and all that. I'm also looking for other sites to use should tumblr really go down the drain... Thank you so much!

Honestly, I don’t think that I’m a great resource for this as I’m pretty new to commissions, but I’ll try and share some small things.

1) Don’t just throw yourself into the middle of everything from the start. It’s best to start small and expect small. If you’re starting out, you won’t be used to handling a lot at once. Keep the number of commissions at a time low to avoid being overwhelmed.But also keep your expectations low. If you’re starting out it may be hard to get commissioned. Try and build an audience beforehand if possible or keep an eye out on people who are searching for commissions.

2) Put research into your payment method. I use paypal due to its popularity, with other artists using it, and its invoice system. Try and find something that works for you. Focus on the ease and accessibility to your customers, the security, and if it costs you anything to use.

3) Get payment beforehand. Personally, I show people sketches and then get paid before continuing. This is because I have to work in one sitting or I lose focus which causes some delays in starting or finishing projects and I don’t want to make people wait after they’ve paid for something.But regardless, get paid beforehand. There are too many stories of people not paying after an artist puts hours of work in not to be cautious. 

4) Make a commission page.It doesn’t have to be complicated but it should have enough details for someone approaching you with a commission. Things like contact information, how much you charge for what (try and add examples). Looking at how other artists structure their commission pages can be useful here.

5) Be polite but firm.Communication is very important when it comes to commissions. You’re running a business and, while you don’t have to be formal you should be polite and clear. And when running a business you also have to be firm with people. You have to clearly get what they want from the commission, either with a description or reference images. This prevents miscommunication and working for hours only for the customer to tell you they wanted something else. For this, it can also help if you summarise to them what you’re drawing and how much it would cost so they can either agree with or correct you.

Also when it comes to other sites………….I’m a bit lost as well. The closest I have is a twitter page but the word and picture limit are frustrating.Maybe try looking around different places and test them out a bit?

I hope this helped. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need more details or something clarified.

#not art #tutorial #commission #reference #art ref #commission ref

[procrastinating-story-writer]

Bonds that Bind Us

Summary: Odin ordered for Loki to return to Midgard as punishment to atone for what he did in New York and S.H.I.E.LD agreed.

She was not expecting an assignment such as this to fall on her lap but she had nothing better to do. How bad could it be being Loki's warden?

Pairing: Loki x OFC Omidah Penwinkle

Warnings: multiple chapter story, violence, experimentation, language, angst, just to name a few.

A/N: Hello everyone! First off thank you for reading. Now, this story can be found on my AO3 account Onyx_Lenora_Traise and I wanted to post this on Tumblr. Enjoy!

Omidah looked up from the book she was reading when she heard someone call her name. Ever since she agreed (was forced) to live in the Avengers tower, all quiet time and privacy went out the window. She saw her godfather Coulson enter the room, a grim look on his face

(A/N: he's very much alive in this story. Always been one of my favorite characters from Avengers)

"what's wrong? You look real distressed," Coulson sighed and sat next to her, he was not happy with the news he had to tell her but it was Fury's orders

"Fury has assigned you to a mission but I don't think you're going to like it; I sure as hell don't."

Omidah raised an eyebrow, curiosity evident in her eyes, she knew all too well that when her godfather wasn't happy with a mission she had (which was rare), it was dangerous and life threatening and those were the best kind for her.

She giggled, "finally something to do! Please tell me it's really dangerous with lots of fighting,"

Coulson rolled his eyes at her excitement over the matter, she really was a strange young lady.

"Do you remember Thor's brother the infamous Loki?"

"yeah I remember him, how could I not? I nearly whooped his ass when he tried to escape from the helicarrier and I would have succeeded too if I didn't have you to worry about. I still owe him a beating for nearly killing you."

She knew that if Coulson had faced Loki alone that day and gotten the injuries he had without immediate medical assistance, he would have died

"Thor is bringing Loki back here on earth as a punishment from Odin to atone for his actions and he'll be confined to the tower with you as his warden."

Omidah stayed quiet processing the information related to her. She started to laugh. Coulson shot her a confused look.

"Oh my Ra! Do you have any idea how deliciously ironic this is?"

Coulson shivered when his goddaughter cackled (you know that comical laugh in animes when a twisted plan was in place?)

"So when will he be arriving? Where will he be sleeping? I need to prepare....oh my there is so much I need to look after."

Coulson shook his head in disbelief, she was taking this news well, too well for his liking

"Calm down Omidah sheesh, you're behaving like its your long lost friend that's coming for a visit. Why are you so excited anyways?"

She rolled her eyes "It's not everyday you get to meet a Norse god and now I'm gonna know two of them, plus I can finally have questions answered on magic and literature."

"Why can't you just ask Thor about all of that stuff"

"No offense to Thor but he doesn't really know the in-depth knowledge I seek and from what he's told me about his brother, well apart from what I've researched, Loki is like a walking, living fricking Norse encyclopedia. I'm kinda hoping also that he can give me an insight on some of my abilities, still rusty in some aspects.

Coulson give Omidah a have-you-lost-your-marbles-kind of look, she just smiled

"Relax I know what I'm doing, besides he's going to be here for a long time and eventually he will have to talk to someone, so I volunteer as tribute."

"I have to remember to get your brain checked for loose screws"

Omidah faked a gasp and threw a cushion at Coulson making him laugh

"but all jokes aside, I know what I'm getting myself into. The others won't agree with my methods of doing things but I never fail a mission. If Odin is sending Loki here to atone for what he did, he's not going to do so by being distant and locking himself in his assigned room which I have a good feeling he'll do,"

"So what's your game plan then," Coulson asked

"quite simple actually, I'm going to be his friend" she flashed Coulson a smile *any second now 3,2,1.....*

"YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT!?"

.

.

.

.

Sitting in the lounge, Omidah poured over the numerous files sent to her by Fury. The files contained information on the objective of her mission and information on Loki which she didn't need but due to protocol Fury sent them to her anyways.

Getting up and heading to the kitchen, she grabbed a glazed donut and a cup of coffee and headed back to the sofa. She needed to finish compiling her report of how she'll go about executing her mission; leave it up to the Director to give her extra homework. When she reentered the sitting area Tony was reading one of her files.

"If that was meant to kill someone you would be dead right now. Tony why do you have to be so nosy?"

Tony looked up from the file and grinned "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't love me my dear."

"You're like the cousin I never had Tony, of course I love you. It's your need to poke your nose in everyone's business is what errs me," she said matter of factly.

Tony glanced back at the file he just read, an eyebrow arched upwards

"So eye-patch finally decided to give you a mission after 6 months and he felt it was a good idea to have you babysit a temperamental Norse god?"

"I'm not complaining, its better than nothing and besides I'm looking forward to this mission and before you ask why, it cause I think it will be a great challenge for me."

Tony studied her for a few seconds "knowing you and I know you quite well, it's more than one reason. Just be careful okay kiddo?"

Omidah walked over and gave him a quick hug "I'll be fine Tony, what I'm worried about is how you and everyone else feels about having Loki in the tower"

Rolling his eyes Tony flicked Omidah's nose "the hell Tony, what was that for?"

"Just felt like it and we'll be fine just as long as Reindeer games behaves."

She and Tony both knew it was easier said than done.

It took one week for Omidah to have everything prepared for Loki's arrival. Looking down at her watch, it showed half past one. She was informed that Thor would be bringing Loki by two.

Dressed in a simple olive turtleneck sweater and black jeans accompanied by ankle high boots, she stood on the balcony standing a distance away from the helipad.

Shifting her eyes back to her watch which now showed half past two. Omidah groaned in annoyance *Thor is late.....which is not really like him.....what's taking them so long?*

"Well this is very unprofessional, unless Odin changed his mind and decided to keep Loki imprisoned on Asgard." She frown at the idea "Oh goddess I hope that isn't the case,"

Pulling out her work phone she was about to speed dial Fury when a bright light descended from the sky and landed on the helipad. As quickly as it came, it vanished and left standing was Thor and beside him the infamous Loki as Coulson likes to call him.

She breathed a sigh of relief glad they didn't cancel at last minute but pulled a straight face and decided to mess with Thor a little bit for making her wait.

"Thor you are late by thirty minutes and twenty-five seconds, I was beginning to wonder if plans were cancelled."

Thor flashed her a quick grin "Lady Omidah I apologize for the delay but there was a slight mishap before our departure," he grumbled the last part while gliding his eyes in Loki's direction.

Omidah had to refrain herself from snickering. Leave it up to the God of Mischief to cause a mishap

"I see. Well mishaps do happen" she said with a shrug "but you're still late, so to make it up to me, you are not allowed pop tarts for the next week."

Omidah watched as Thor became slightly pale and looked like he was about to pass out. She started to laugh because he just looked like a lost puppy

"Thor I'm joking, I would never deny you pop tarts, you'll simply go into a coma without them but you still have to make up for being late okay?"

Thor breathed in relief and smiled "I'm thrilled that my pop of tarts will not be taken away from me and once again I'm sorry for the delay,"

Nodding she began to walk over to the brothers, a perplexed look crossed her features when she noticed the muzzle around Loki's mouth. The darn thing looked very uncomfortable and she thought it was very unnecessary. It angered her slightly. Wasn't Loki a prince of Asgard? Why was he being treated like an animal?

"Thor I would very much appreciate it if you removed that infernal contraption off your brother and please for the love of the river Nile take off these chains, he looks very uncomfortable. He's not a prisoner in Asgard but a guest in the Tower," She said with a slight irritation in her voice.

She felt eyes on her, so shifting her gaze from Thor she found Loki staring at her in confusion.

"Well if he didn't try to escape the moment he felt the dungeons, he wouldn't be in chains"

"Regardless he's here now so take 'em off, we still need to get him settled plus I need to report to Fury in the next half hour. You and I both know he gets like a cranky old lady when he's kept waiting"

Thor faced Loki preparing to remove the 'infernal contraption' as Omidah called it. Once it was off, the chains were next. Loki gently rubbed his wrists and looked back at the female across from him.

She sent him a gentle smile which only confused him further. He searched her eyes and found no hostility in them, just curiosity and slight excitement.

"Much better, thank you Thor. Well let me be the first to welcome you back to Stark Towers Mr. Laufeyson. My name is Omidah Pennwinkle and I'll be looking over you as you stay here." She grinned at her intro speech and the look of sheer confusion and disgust in Loki's eyes. He really didn't want to be there.

"Come gentlemen, there is much to do and I have...." glancing at her watch she turned and slowly started to walk back inside "fifteen minutes to do so before my boss starts screaming like a banshee in my eyes for reporting late."

The two brothers looked at her retreating form, glanced at each other and followed her through the waiting door. Loki groaned internally, he really didn't want to be there.

#loki laufeyson #loki #loki (marvel) #original character #female character #mcu #marvel mcu #avengers #loki x oc

[virgofabreakdown]

Chapter One - Double Lives AU

Prologue | Next Chapter

One Year Later

Patton's POV

Blackberry Cafe 2:30 PM

"Virgil, where are the rest of the cookies from this batch?"

"What do you mean?" Virgil shouted from the bathroom. "That's all of the ones from that batch."

"What do you mean that's all the cookies from that batch?! The recipe makes over 30 cookies, but there's only 2!"

"I just sampled some of the cookie dough!"

"Some?"

"Most of the cookie dough..."

"For the love, Virgil. Why?" Ding! The bell at the front of the store rang across the store.

"Hello, welcome to Blackberry Cafe. Can I help you - oh, hi Roman!"

"Hey Pat, can I get the usual?"

Virgil came out of the back, "depends, are you gonna pay this time?"

"Probably not," he admits. I package up two cookies and three scones and hand them to him.

"Two chocolate chip cookies and three rosemary ham and cheese scones, on the house!"

"Patton, no," Virgil sighs. "I was trying to get him to pay for once. He can't just always get free food."

"That's just the perks of having an little brother who owns a cafe," Roman states with a wink.

"Plus, if I didn't give it to him, he probably wouldn't eat until dinner."

"Well maybe that would teach him to pack a lunch," Virgil reasoned. "Or better yet, actually pay."

"But he's hungry..." I pout at him for a minute before Roman cleared his throat.

"So, guys, me and Logan are going on a date tonight, if you guys are interested in joining us...?" Virgil looks at me. "It's up to you guys, of course, you don't have to, if you don't want to."

He trailed off, looking at the two of us. I shrugged, "I have work off tonight, so it shouldn't be a problem for me. What do you think Virg?"

"I don't think I have work. Sure, why not," Virgil looked at me with a smile. "We could use a date night anyway."

Roman gave us a big smile. "So, we've got a reservation for nine, so let's plan to meet up at my place around...eight, eight thirty?"

"Wait, you were planning on us coming?" Virgil sighed in frustration over the fact that his brother made the reservation without knowing if they could come. "Let's do eight, just to be on the safe side."

"Awesome," Roman said, walking towards the door. "See you later, then?"

"See you later!" I shout, waving to him.

"I can't believe he didn't ask us first! What if we couldn't have made it?"

"Then they would have a slightly bigger table," I say. Virgil looked very worked up. "It's fine."

"Yeah, but still."

"Now," I say, placing a hand on my hip. "Mind sharing why exactly you ate almost an entire batch of cookie dough?"

Time Skip

The Black-Berry Residence 7:30 PM

"Hey Virg? What do you think of this tie?" I shout across the apartment.

"I don't know, it would be a lot easier to tell if you weren't on the other side of the house." He sounded stressed.

I walk out of our bedroom into the living room and do a little twirl. "How do I look?"

Virgil seemed to be at a lack for words. "You look great," Virgil admitted. I wasn't wearing much, just some slacks and a loose blouse. I added a small blue bow to match my shirt. It was slightly fancier than my usual attire, but Virgil seemed to like it. We stared at each other for a moment. Nothing was said, but a comfortable silence filled the air. And then my phone rang. It pierced through the air with a certain, yet annoying ring.

I sighed, "one second." I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, we need you to come in." I walked back into bedroom.

"I'm sorry, what?!"

"Look, I'm sorry, sir, but we need you to come in."

"No way, it's date night!" I protest. "I've got plans. Call someone else in."

"It is imperative that you come in to work," the man on the other end insisted.

"What could be so important that you need me too come in on my one day off," I demanded. "I mean, honestly, it's bad enough that -"

"Dracowitch. We have a lead on Dracowitch."

"Draco -" I shout, before lowering my voice. "Dracowitch? But how? He's been off the radar for months now."

"Which is why you need to come in. You are the best man we have."

I sighed, "fine. You better be paying overtime for this."

"Once the job is done, we will. But you must get here as soon as possible."

"I'll be there."

"Good. Farewell, and may you be fruitful."

"As to help the company grow," I say, finishing our company motto, before hanging up. Walking back into the living room, "so bad news," I look at Virgil, who had just hung up a from his own phone call. "Oh, who was that?"

"What, oh, I was just on the phone with Roman. So, what were you saying?"

"Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, I just got called into work. They need someone at the shelter for a few hours. Something about someone being delayed at the airport...? I don't know. All I know, is that I have to go to work because no one else answered the call." I felt bad lying to Virg, but I couldn't just tell him the truth. Honestly, I wanted to tell him the truth, I really did, but it was against the rules and could put him in danger. If something were to happen to him because of me, I couldn't live with the guilt.

"Oh, that sucks," he says. "Honestly, I want looking forward to sitting in a fancy restaurant and paying 50 bucks for spaghetti, anyway."

He was trying to make me feel better about the whole situation, bless his heart. This is why I love him, he was willing to do anything to make me happy and that, I lived for. Virgil restores my faith in humanity, no matter what happens, he finds a way to cheer me up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I'll call Roman back and explain. You go to work."

"Okay. Thank you." I head back into the bedroom for the third time that night to get changed. I get changed and grab my bag. "I love you," I say giving him a quick kiss.

"Love you, too. Now, go take care of those dogs like no one had taken care of them before!"

I giggle. "Be back in a few hours!" I say before closing the door.

Virgil's POV

Patton closed the door. I look out the window, watching for his car to leave. A blue Prius passes by the window. Correction, Patton's blue Prius passes by the window. I watch as it rounds the corner. Poor Patton. I knew he was looking forward to this. We hardly get to go on dates anymore.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Someone was calling me. Again. The first time was Roman and now it was, I look at the caller ID, work. Of course, work always picks the worst times to call. I hesitate for a moment, before picking up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, you need come here, like right now," the person on the other line spoke quickly and sharply, while also sounding rather rushed.

"What? Why?"

"We got a lead on Dracowitch and they put Morality on it. You're his backup, so you need to get here."

"Are they sure it's Dracowitch?"

"Yep. And this is the only good lead we've had in weeks, if not months."

"Alright, I'll be there in about half an hour."

"I said now."

"That's the soonest I cam be there," I insist.

"You live approximately eight minutes away, therefore you will be here in ten minutes. This is more than enough time."

"Fine, I'll be there in a few."

"Be there in five. Farewell and help guide the path."

"To lead the company to greatness."

And with that, I grabbed the keys to my car, a dark blue Honda, and ran out the door. I hopped down the flight of stairs at the front door and popped the trunk. Taking out an extra shirt, I close the trunk and climb in the car.

I hate my job, I really do. If I had the choice to just stay home, I would, but the bakery doesn't bring in enough money. So, I work for the 'print shop' and Patton has been helping by working at the local animal shelter.

My real job most definitely pays well, but it's not something that I would openly tell people about. Even if it wouldn't result in me getting fired. I am...a hacker, in a way. The term that the company hired us under is 'Personal Guide'. Which was true, we do guide people, just not the disabled and elderly. Think more along the lines of hitmen and assassins.

Our job is simple. Aide our assigned partner through their missions by briefing them on the mission, hacking into the security of buildings, giving them directions, and letting them know if anyone was up ahead. Typical hacker things. Oh, and keeping track of their location, incase they need backup. Typically, your partner will need backup occasionally, four to five months is the company average. But I've never had to call backup. Maybe it's luck, but I'm almost certain it's not.

I believe it's my partner, rather than luck. He is literally the best assassin this company has. When they paired us up, everyone was curious as to why. Based on all the rumors flying around, this guy was a legend. No one truly understood why he had been paired with a newbie with no prior experience in anything related to computers or the company.

Until they saw us work together. We just clicked. I would have locked doors slide open as he approached them, as he responded with the witty pun that made me groan. In the middle of missions, we shared our stories about life outside of the company. We'd swap jokes and recipes, recommend restaurants for the other to try, we literally would just talk about anything. Morality, as he was called, was the only thing that made this horrible job worthwhile.

Our current target was an online personality by the name of Dracowitch. It seemed to be a German, or possibly Russian name, seeing as it was pronounced Draco-vitch. They've been untraceable, up until now.

I pull up to the print shop. Even though the store was a small local business, it seemed to be bustling with life. The lights were on and about half a dozen people were running around doing various things.

Taking a deep breath in, I walk inside and straight to the counter, where a man sat, attempting to hide the fact that he was watching cartoons with a book. I cleared my throat, before simply giving him a "hey."

"Ah, Mr. Black-Berry. I don't believe you have work tonight," the man said, pausing his show and closing his book.

"Got called in."

"I see, your husband must be mad."

"Doesn't know, he got called in too, so I left after he did."

"Be careful with that. Do it one too many times, you'll get accused of cheating. I did that once and she signed us up for therapy."

"Oh, how is the Mrs.?"

"She's fine. Been a bit better since therapy."

"That's good. Well, have a good night, Larry. Say hi to Dot for me!"

"Will do!" And with that he pressed a button under his desk. The door behind him slid open, revealing an elevator to the basement.

End of Chapter One.

@vaugleysassygrunt

[ketso]

Episode 28

I have been booked off work for four months. My doctor says that I have depression and I need to be admitted into a clinic. Please understand that:

• I have a one year old.

• My eldest child has been accepted into medicine school, but did not get a bursary and I cannot afford the fees.

• My third born just started in a model c school because my husband and I start them in high school; they go to township schools for primary school.

• I am already struggling with the fees.

• I have to delay my youngest child with starting crèche because I cannot afford all these fees on my own.

• I have asked my eldest to get a job. Two salaries are better than one. I took my husband for granted and I am struggling on my own.

• My eldest is always angry. She has attitude and I just cannot talk to her anymore.

• My second born tries to mediate, but he can even see that things are bad.

• The third and the baby are just there.

• My eldest may not like it, but she has to help me with the third and fourth children. When I wake up and go to work to get us money, she must bath the kids and make sure they've eaten. She must take Simphiwe to school then come back and stay with Khetha because I cannot afford crèche right now and she's not working. She's at home doing nothing the whole day.

• My husband's family wants money from me - money that my husband used to send to them every month. I don't have it. Now they call me names, harass me every chance they get and threaten to take me to court for stealing their child's money. What money? Their child didn't have policies that I'm now enjoying. I can barely keep my children in schools. If I had their child's money, would Unawe not be in university? Would Khetha not be in crèche? They can go to hell.

So you see, I cannot go to a clinic for four months and talk about my feelings. I cannot give Mr Msomi a reason to fire me. I cannot afford to be without a job. I will take the medication that I have been prescribed and try my best to get through each day.

"Portia, did you call the agency that Mr Msomi asked you to call?" Sli asks me.

I nod my head and give her a sticky note with their response to my query.

"Thanks", she takes it and disappears into the meeting she was in. She is the one who takes minutes for Mr Msomi in meetings. Thando manages Mr Msomi's and Mr Ramaru's offices now. She used to be Pearl’s PA. They say that they’ve repurposed her. It looks like an undeserved promotion to me. Her head has grown bigger than ever. She is one of the reasons I believe that if I even take a weekend off, I'll get fired. The only person who puts her in her place is Lydia. We all love Lydia for that.

I have a bad headache, but I need to get through the work that Mr Msomi and Thando have given me. It's a lot of work and it is all due by close of business today. So, this is another day that I will not be having lunch.

Speak of the devil.

"Are you done with the notes I asked you to type?" Thando asks me, storming through the door and to my desk.

"I'm still busy with them." I say.

"I don't understand. I told you they were urgent", she says.

"Mr Msomi had asked me to do a more urgent thing for him. Last I checked, he was my priority, not you", I say.

"You know what I think? I think this job is too big for you. Mr Msomi felt sorry for you and gave you this job because you have stories for days about why you don't deliver. But you are not a fit. You are still bad even at this job and it's been a year since you've been in it. Mr Msomi is just polite. He doesn't want to performance manage you or fire you, so he gives you miscellaneous tasks - small and insignificant enough so you don't mess up. Kodwa we pay you to do actual work. Your role is supposed to mean something here. We don't pay you to be floating around admin that you can barely do." She says.

This really hurts my feelings. I have noticed that Mr Msomi doesn't trust me with big tasks anymore. Even Sli isn't as close to me as she used to be. She behaves more like my boss than she does my colleague. I thought I was imagining things and I thought Mr Msomi was just being nice and empathetic because I have lost my husband and I've been grieving. I've been very open about my struggles at home. I've fainted twice in this very office because I was overwhelmed. I thought Mr Msomi was accommodating me, not making my role insignificant. What am I going to do without my job? I suddenly get emotional.

"As the office manager of Mr Msomi's office, I will not be as nice as he is. If you don't deliver, I will get you out. That's not a joke. So you better pull up your socks, my girl, or shit will hit the fan around here. I'm not Mr Msomi and this is definitely not Jackson's team there at the warehouse. You have one hour. I want that document in my inbox in an hour", she says then walks away.

I wipe my tears and process everything that she has said. What exactly am I doing that is so wrong? I look through Microsoft Teams and find the employee relations manager and call her. Microsoft Teams shows that she is available. I need HR and ER intervention.

"Qaqamba, Hello?" She answers.

"Hi Qaqamba. You are speaking to Portia", I say.

"Hi Portia, how can I help you?" She says. Her voice is very welcoming.

"Can we meet in a boardroom perhaps?" Me.

"Sure. Where do you sit?" She asks me.

"No, it's okay. I'll come to you", I say.

"I have a better one. Let's go get lunch. My treat. Meet me at reception in five minutes." She says.

I agree and we end the call. I know there will be repercussions for me just leaving, but I'll ask her to bail me out of those during lunch.

...

Now that I have told Qaqamba everything: from my time at the warehouse, through Pearl's management, right up to where I am now, she looks at me stunned. She is not shocked because I am sure she deals with this every day, but she is stunned. She has taken notes, cross-questioned me, took more notes and now we sit here with her looking at me stunned and not saying anything else.

We finish up our meals and we drive back to the office in her car. It is a beautiful Mercedes Benz.

She walks with me to my desk where I find Thando, Sli and Mr Msomi gathered. Their faces drop when they see Qaqamba next to me. I stand next to Qaqamba and wait for her to make the first move. Today, she is my shield.

"Mthunzi, may we have a word in your office?" Qaqamba says. She is serious. Her tone isn't what it was when she was talking to me. Thando looks nervous. She probably didn't think I knew people like Qaqamba in this organization.

Mr Msomi leads Qaqamba and I into his office. He closes the door and we sit on his office couches.

"May I offer you ladies something to drink?" Mr Msomi. He is a gentleman yena shame, he is not putting on a pretty face for gas.

"Orange juice for me, please", Qaqamba orders.

"Nothing for me, thanks", I say. I am not familiar with his fridge like that.

Mr Msomi takes out a bottle of orange juice and a bottle of water from his fridge. He gives Qaqamba the juice then he sits down on a couch opposite us then takes a sip of his water.

Qaqamba takes Mr Msomi through what I told her. The way she puts it though, she makes it sound so legal. There are terms that she uses such as "abuse of authority" that I did not mention. Mr Msomi listens to her attentively then looks at me from time to time.

Qaqamba is serious - too serious. I'm even nervous.

"Q, I've accommodated Portia though. I've made things to be as manageable as possible for her so that she can cope with everything that is around her", Mr Msomi.

That is true.

"Portia needs to be in a clinic right now, dealing with her depression. She has been diagnosed, Mthunzi. Why have you not let her go yet or submitted a PHI application for her so the company can give her the support that she needs while she gets better? That Thando girl even threatened to fire her? On what grounds? And if Portia is not performing, why isn't she being performance managed, but rather abused by Thando?" Qaqamba.

"Q, I honestly had no idea that Portia is sick and I had no idea that Thando was treating her that way. I would have never let that happen had I known and I'll speak to Thando". Mr Msomi says. Now I feel bad for not coming to him first.

"That’s not good enough. I want you to discipline Thando", Qaqamba.

"That’s a bit harsh and surely she deserves a right of reply", Mr Msomi says.

"Abuse of authority is a dismissible offense, Mr Msomi. She will be walking away with a final written warning at most. I think we are being very lenient. She will give us her right of reply, with a representative next to her, at her disciplinary discussion. From me, I will be sending you forms to fill in with Portia so we can submit her PHI claim to our insurers then Portia will take leave with immediate effect to go and get admitted into that clinic." Qaqamba says.

The meeting is wrapped up then Mr Msomi asks me to stay behind.

After Qaqamba leaves, it is just him and I.

"I don't like HR, Portia. They just make me nervous. I don't even know what PHI is and Q was just going on and on about shit I never thought I'd have to deal with. I just thought there was trust between us and if you were unsure of things, you would come to me and speak to me." He says.

"I panicked. I'm sorry -

"No, don't do that. I don't want you apologizing. You were right to stand up for yourself and seek help from people who are hired to remedy such situations. I'm just concerned about your interactions with Thando when you return from your leave", he says.

I didn't think about that.

"But anyway, I wish you all the best in your recovery journey and I wanted to guarantee you that your job will be waiting for you when you return", he says.

"Thank you, sir", I say.

“And Portia, while you expect everyone around you to work on their ability to accommodate you, you also need to work on your communication skills. I run my office the way that I do because I don’t want people Q and her team coming in here and instructing me on how to manage my team.” He continues.

“I understand, sir.” I say.

He nods his head then says, “Will you be comfortable doing that PHI stuff with Sli? I’m really busy. I’ll just sign whatever I need to sign after the two of you have populated those forms. Q and her team design forms for a living. I know I could easily spend seven hours just completing forms with that team.”

We both laugh.

“It’s fine, sir. I will ask Sli to help me complete the forms then we will send them to you for your signature when we are done.” I say.

He nods his head.

“All the best with your recovering. Don’t worry about anything as far as work is concerned. And if there is anything more that we can do, please feel free to reach out and let us know.” He says.

I just want to hug him. He is such a nice man.

“Chief”, Mr Ramaru barges into the office without knocking.

We both look at him.

“This looks important”, he says pointing at both Mr Msomi and I, “[b]ut I need you for something urgent.”

“It’s okay, we were done anyway.” I say.

“See you in a few months, Portia.” Mr Msomi says, standing up from the couch.

“In a few months? Going somewhere?” Mr Ramaru asks me.

“Just leave”, I say.

“For a few months? People usually take a few days off.” Mr Ramaru says.

Mr Msomi can see my discomfort, so he intervenes and says, “Chief, what’s the emergency?”

I use this distraction to leave his office.

I get to my desk and I notice that all eyes are on me. No one is saying anything, but everyone is looking at me – judging me. I know people in this office are extremely protective over Mr Msomi because he is such a nice guy. They are giving me this treatment because they think I got their favourite guy into trouble. I reported Thando, not him. But I’m not going to say anything. I’d rather have Thando be surprised by her emails notifying her of her disciplinary discussion for bullying me. But knowing Mr Msomi, he will not discipline Thando. He will fight for her. That’s just who he is. So she is just going to get away with it. I might as well address her myself while I have my immunity from Qaqamba.

“Is there something that you would like to say to me?” I ask Thando, looking her straight in the eye.

“Don’t you get tired?” She says to me.

“Of what?”

“Of being you! You wake up every morning expecting sympathy from everyone and anyone you bump into. You open your mouth and expect to be understood because apparently, no one’s problems are bigger than yours. You take zero responsibility for anything and you play the victim in every situation. And when you are expected to just do what you get paid to do and are held accountable for it, you find your next plan – your next person to feel sorry for you so that you take no responsibility what-so-ever for just being yourself.”

There is silence in the office. I am actually falling apart inside.

“Please don’t faint on us again. We have had it with your theatrics around here.” She says.

“You know, my life is not the bed of roses everyone thinks it is”, I say.

“Trust me, no one was thinking that. You broadcast your life so much, we have a pretty good idea how shitty your life is. But you know what annoys everyone about you – including the people you think understand – is that you don’t leave that shit at home. We all go through things. Our lives are falling apart too. But this is a place of work! When we come here, we come to work. Our conversations are work-related. When we engage, we engage about work.” Thando says. All the other PAs nod their heads in agreement.

“I can’t just switch off from my life just because I am at work.” I say.

“You are not required to switch off. You are required to be professional. That is a minimum requirement for every role that exists in the labour market. If that is something that you struggle with, then clearly, you just don’t belong in the workplace.” Thando says.

“Zinzi, is –

Lydia walks in looking for Zinzi, but stops dead in her tracks when she sees the tension before her. She has her laptop in her hands, so she was clearly coming up here to work. She tries to study the situation then her eyes land on me. She sees the tears streaming down my face and the arrogance pasted on Thando’s face.

“Portia, are you okay?” Lydia asks me.

All the PAs present in this room have now suddenly become nervous, including Thando. I just breakdown and cry. I cannot hold it in. I am just breaking.

Lydia holds my hand and pulls me into Mr Ramaru’s office. It is just the two of us in here. I see Mr Msomi and Mr Ramaru looking at us through Mr Msomi’s glass door. All the offices up here have glass doors – something to do with transparency.

“What do you need?” Lydia says to me after I have cried my heart out in here. Mr Mthunzi and Mr Ramaru are inside of here as well now. I don’t know when they came inside. They are sitting on couches opposite the couch that I am sitting on. Lydia is the only one standing up.

“What do you mean?” I ask her.

“We are friends, right? You and I can be blunt about anything with each other, right?” She says.

I nod my head.

“Good, because I am going to be honest with you now and I will not sugar-coat what I am about to say.” She says.

“Lydia –

“Mthunzi, it has to be done.” Lydia cuts Mr Msomi mid-sentence.

She turns her attention back to me.

“This is your third job within this company, Portia. Third. You keep being thrown lifelines by everyone around here. You get more consideration, more care, more everything. Did you think that would get you likes around here? Did you think that people like Thando would go easy on you? The average person would have long been fired if they were in your shoes. You asked to stay. You begged for chances. Why are you struggling to carry the responsibilities of the things that you have asked for?” Lydia says.

Mr Ramaru and Mr Msomi are extremely uncomfortable.

“Portia, do you understand the position that I had to put my boyfriend in for you? Having his authority and professionalism as a CEO questioned because you asked to move teams. Or you just don’t care?” Lydia says to me.

I look at Mr Ramaru. He is extremely uncomfortable, but happy that this conversation is taking place. Clearly it is long overdue.

“Portia, do you understand the hoops that Mthunzi –

“Please leave my name out of this”, Mr Msomi says.

Lydia looks at him for a split second then looks at me again and continues, “[d]o you understand the hoops that Mthunzi had to jump through to create work for you? To create a position for you? Having to sit in endless HR meetings knowing very well how much he dislikes HR. You just wake up every day, come to work and annoy us with your entitlement – not understanding the background battles being fought for you to walk around here with that arrogance and entitlement.”

I am silent. I don’t know what to say. It is very quiet in here.

Lydia takes a deep breath then sits next to me.

“Take some time off, Portia. While you are away, think about whether or not being in the labour market is something that you want to do. If not, find another passion and start a business. I will personally help you in making sure that your business stands and runs efficiently. You know I’m good at doing that. But if you come back here and make the decision to work, know that your lifeline has expired. One foot out of line – and I am saying this in front of Mthunzi – I will personally fire you. And I am giving myself the authority to do so because I am the same person you annoyed to have you put in this position.”

People like Lydia will never understand. Life is not as easy as having two options to pick from when it comes to choosing how you will sustain yourself and look after your family.

“I’ll help you pack up your bags and take whatever you need to your car”, Lydia says standing up and giving Mr Ramaru her laptop, telling him that he and Mr Msomi can go over the spreadsheet she has opened. She explains that it is something she put together and they’ll discuss it further when she gets back.

We pack my bags and a box of things that I’ll take with me. The office is silent. I look at Mr Msomi and Mr Ramaru through the glass door of Mr Ramaru’s office and they are giggling about and drinking whiskey. If only I could be a fly on that wall and hear what is being said and celebrated.

“Ready?” Lydia asks me, holding one of my boxes.

I nod my head. As we make our way out, she pauses at Thando’s desk and says, “[d]o I need to give you a tutorial on where your place is around here?”

Thando stares at her. Honestly, I am shocked and happy that this happening.

“You are not the new Pearl. And I am getting tired of you behaving as if Pearl left you the “bitch” ropes around here. If you are going to continue to behave like this is your grandfather’s farm and all the employees around here are your cows to milk and slaughter for beef, I will be the National Party and take that farm away from you very quickly.”

Yho Lydia!

Thando’s tears are at the door, ready for release.

“I’ll ask again, do you need a tutorial?”

Thando shakes her head.

“I’ll be sure to check in again when Portia returns. Because your lifeline around here depends on it.” Lydia says.

Ja no, she woke up this morning prepared to suspend lifelines on everyone’s job.

I just give Thando one last smile then follow Lydia out of here.