#this is self serving btw these are all my favourites | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

edotfightme · 4 months

Text

Do Sinners Belong In Heaven?

In which Alastor makes different choices and faces new consequences, ones he never really faced before.

This little thing is something I came up with during the Hazbin Hotel season 1 finale. Idk why I came up with it but I did. As usual I’ll be noting down the warnings.

Major Character Death

Blood and Gore

Introspection

War

Self sacrifice

Idk how y’all will like the ending

Featuring my bible headcannons that will probably get their own fic soon lmao.

Btw I am willing to bet that everyone has written this before lmao let’s go!

——<>——

Hell was quiet for a change. Millions of sinners and demons holding their breath for the fight of the… there would be no good term to describe what was taking place on those forsaken grounds. Angels and demons conflicting in a way that was never seen before. Hell would not be entertainment tonight, angelic blood would be shed and the sinners would take their pound of flesh.

That was the thought that comforted him the most as he prepared for the fight of his life.

Crimson eyes were locked on his opponent, that annoyingly arrogant angel. The first man, the second to doom humanity to a life outside of Eden.

Adam.

In all honesty, watching said angel destroy his force field with a single punch was daunting. He was not a fool, he knew just how strong a being like him would be. Facing him would be like facing Lucifer in combat.

Alastor’s smile turned into more of a grimace as he glared at his new opponent. If he could, he’d snarl, but that would be weak. He was not a weak man in life, nor was he a weak demon in the afterlife.

The angel alighted on the hotel’s signature sign, crouched and just as ready for combat as the radio demon felt. As a leader in hell’s entertainment, Alastor felt like he simply had to get out a few witty one liners.

“Adam!” He greeted, eyes locked on the angel and noticing every little detail. As he called his name, he saw his wings flex and his head raise in a form of confusion. “First man, next to die!”

Alastor could’ve laughed at his own joke, would’ve if this conflict hadn’t been so serious. A lot was at stake here.

“Who the fuck are you?” It continued to surprise the demon that angels could get away with being so crass. Was it just because Adam was god’s favourite?

Well, no need to keep his unwelcome guest waiting. “Alastor!” He lowered himself into a bow, “pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure.” And with a flourish, he slammed his cane into the ground. Alastor relished in the feeling of magic curling at his beck and call. Lightning crackled and sparked, lancing around like green bolts of death as tentacles rose up to answer his demands. If there was one thing he loved most about hell, it was the power it granted him.

“Nice voice, don’t you know jazz is for pussies!” Adam’s weapon was drawn and the fight began.

Shamefully enough, the fight was a blur. The focus he had to hold over his creations was nothing to scoff at, no matter how easy he made it look. His mouth moved in reaction to the angel’s quips as his mind was far away. Shards of his mind in each attack as he flung everything in his arsenal at the angel. His body was on autopilot, only coming back to himself to dodge and duck under stray swipes. The constant shattering and mending of his mind had been a labor of love, driving most who tried it insane, but that dedication only served to make him more deadly. And if a few screws had to stay loose to make things easier, that was for him to know.

“You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate.”

He heard that statement of his clearly, his own focus and thoughts in his shadow as he struck the first man in the chin. The fight was going well, so maybe he could have a bit of fun with it.

He pulled himself in, gently stitching his mind together as he leapt forward and taunted Adam. Alastor enjoyed himself as he ducked and dodged under the angel’s axe. He had him desperate.

“And worst-“ he unraveled again, slicing his mind apart with careful precision as he summoned multitudes of minions to rain hell on Adam “- you’re sloppy.”

It was difficult to manage so much at once, as well as keeping tabs on Adam’s movements in relation to his body. He had so many perspectives of the battlefield, and only one of them really mattered. He held himself up- he ran forward- he lashed- an axe cleaved through him- he jumped- he- who- too much!

He pulled himself in again. Not as much as before, but enough that he wasn’t so scattered. Alastor wrapped a tentacle around Adam, grateful that the conflict of his own thoughts never managed to interrupt the battle against the angel. His strength was too great for that.

He threw Adam into the sign, keeping careful focus on being able to move his true body if he needed to. The exorcist reared up for a strike, his words lost to Alastor. Alastor brought spare limbs up to block, confident that he-

His mind screeched as he slammed into himself, only years of practice allowing himself to slot everything in place correctly without destroying his entire identity. He glanced around himself, staring at the roof of the hotel that was a lot closer to him than it should’ve been.

“What just happened?” Alastor asked himself with thinly veiled alarm. His alarm increased tenfold as he spoke.

What happened to his voice? Where was the crackle of the radio? What happened? He blocked the strike so why did things go wrong-

Alastor’s gaze dropped to the broken staff in his hands. “Fuck.” He’d used the wrong limbs. Scattering his mind so much never went well, and he’d gotten careless. His strength was in his staff and without it he was-

Light flashed across his chest, making the radio demon cry out in pain. He felt his flesh sizzle under the holy power, the force of the attack sending him into the wall. Alastor groaned, blindly reaching for his staff as he pulled himself together. He was fortunate enough that he still had one trick up his sleeve. The first thing he had by his side upon landing in hell, before even his staff.

His body responded as his mind searched for a safe spot to retreat. He narrowed his focus on one of the many empty rooms of the hotel. By a window so he could make a second emergency escape, while also keeping his eye on the battle. Perfect.

“- but it is ending this broadcast…”

He pulled himself through, finally stitching his mind together once and for all. Immediately, pain crashed into his senses. He keened, low and horrifically animalistic as he hunched over himself.

“Fffffuuuuuck.” He whined, reaching for something that could possibly help. He’d never been struck with a holy weapon before, and he never wanted to be hit again. This was worse than torture.

At least he’d managed to land hits on that demented exterminator. He could at least trust that the people of hell would defeat that insufferable angel.

He gave another ungodly screech as the pain flared again. His hand landed on something soft and he got to work securing whatever it was around his wound. The jagged cut turned his suit crimson, and he winced at the knowledge that it would stain. What a hassle.

Battle raged on outside as he tended to his injury. As the pain finally began to ebb he blinked in mild surprise. Somehow, he had ended up in a bathroom. The object he had just bandaged around him was a black towel.

“Well that was a rather fortunate coincidence,” He muttered to himself. He coughed a few times, unsuccessful in bringing his voice back to normal.

He couldn’t go out there without it. Without his signature cane and his voice he was-

A crash sounded outside, making Alastor jump. He hastily scrambled to his feet, running into the main hotel room in time to watch an angel fly past. The angel was grinning.

Not very many people had the discipline he did. If the angels were loosing then they would frown.

The radio host slid towards the window, peering down at the battlefield below. Even from what he guessed was 12 stories up, things weren’t looking good. Charlie and Vaggie were occupied. The cannibals and the other hotel staff were being slowly overrun. Adam was still holding his own.

He twitched.

There was an angel aiming at Charlie Morningstar.

His claws scrapped against the glass as he watched the little brat level their spear at the princess of hell. The holy weapon was positioned well, and by how the battle was flowing.

Little Miss Morningstar was going to find a hole in her chest in just a few moments.

The deal burned in his very soul, marking his charge with a knowledge he both coveted and cursed. He knew exactly where she was at any given moment, and how much danger she was in. It was this unfortunate knowledge that told him he needed to act.

It was something else that made him want to act.

White hot rage coursed through him as he focused his mind. It took less effort than usual to split himself into his shadow and drag himself to face the wretched exorcist.

He drew his secret weapon from his coat, launching himself forward to strike his opponent. The angel was caught off guard, hastily readjusting to meet him. His holy dagger found his target first, sinking deep into the exterminator’s chest. That dagger had seen the flesh of overlords in the past, it was fitting enough that it should find angelic blood as well.

Gold leaked down his hands, no doubt staining his gloves. Alastor stepped back, prepared to vanish once again to the safety of the hotel room-

He was stuck.

Peculiarly, he was stuck.

The injury he sustained from Adam seemed to be getting worse as well, so he chanced a quick glance at his predicament.

“… Oh…” his voice still sounded off, though that in part may be due to the spear sticking out of his gut.

The odd calm that had briefly overcame him vanished, replaced with an emotion that was nearly crippling. He screeched as pain filled him, worse than before. He barely managed to pull himself to a more secluded spot of the battlefield. Snapping a piece of his mind free from the pain did nothing to alleviate it. His strength fled abruptly, his body collapsing beneath him as he crumbled to the ground.

Alastor gasped, hands shaking as he touched the weapon still protruding from his stomach. Someone was laughing in the distance, their haunting cackle somehow tuning out the sound of the battle. His eyes flicked to every little thing he could see. His crimson blood hitting the ground where he knelt, the soft glow of both the spear and his own knife, the scorched battlefield around him. All of it painted the image of the last things he would ever see.

The laughter stopped, the world was silent. Was he the one laughing? Did it matter?

He was dying.

Death was a strange concept for Alastor to grasp. Before, death looked like his mother. Old and gray, lying on her deathbed with his hand in hers. She had smiled at him, with tears in her eyes, and made him promise something that stuck to his very soul.

“Please, Alastor, my baby boy. Please, never stop smiling”

Then, death looked like countless victims. People who didn’t deserve their lives. Screams and pleas filled the air as he raised his knife with the accuracy of a man making it his profession.

“PLEASE, SIR! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!”

Strangely enough, Death’s next face was invisible to him. Humming in the woods as he dug a grave for his latest victim. The snap of a twig reaching his ears, causing him to stand up straight and alert. A loud noise, and the world changed around him.

“What just happened?”

Death’s new face bore down on him. The first man, Adam, and his axe. He’d died once before, he’d seen many people die. This time seemed different though. His heart was racing, making more blood leak out of him. His eyes kept darting around and his mind just wanted an out. It felt as though his life was flashing before his eyes. It felt like-

His gaze cause a piece of glass, clear enough that he could see his reflection. Clear enough that he could see the fear in his eyes.

Fear. Dying felt like fear.

His smile remained, but everything inside went still. For the first time in either life, he was being faced with his mortality.

Raged filled him once more. He would not fall like this, not as some self-sacrificing idiot too weak to live. That was not who he built himself to be. He was Alastor, the Radio Demon. Renowned for broadcasting the screams of his victims across hell. Sinners feared him!

If he died like this, he was just Alastor. He was just some weak sinner who failed to do his job. His reputation would be in the toilet!

Alastor dragged himself to his feet, hissing in pain. It took everything in him not to drop his smile could he drop his smile. He started shambling forward, frantic eyes searching for an out. Medical supplies, some sort of mythical healer maybe? Demons and magic existed, so it stands to reason that healers did too. The battle behind him was ignored as he tried to put one foot in front of the other.

He had to make it out alive. He had things to do. He had lives to ruin! He had to- he had to…

The fight left as quickly as it came, the pain quickly becoming to much. He landed on his side with a grunt, the spear shifting in his chest. He stared at it, thinking.

He was dying. The great Alastor was dying, for his friends. What would they call him once they found out? Heroic? A martyr? Altruistic?

His laugh was subdued this time, the mania from earlier bled away with most of his lifeforce. All that was left was a wet chuckle. Altruistic Alastor, died for his friends.

Somehow he felt a little less resentment at that.

He sat up once again, filled with something else now. Acceptance? He placed a hand on the protruding weapon, finally tuning back into the sounds of war. He figured they’d do just fine without him.

For once, he probably overstayed his welcome.

“You’re never fully dressed without a smile…”

Later on, someone would find him with a spear and a broken staff clutched in his hands. His smile was softer in death, strangely kinder with his eyes closed. There were three lives lost in the Hazbin Hotel.

——<>——

Most people don’t wake up after dying twice. Most people aren’t Alastor.

When he pulled himself to his feet, he felt off. The first thing he did was check his wounds. Miraculously, they had vanished. He felt like the fresh sinners he watched on occasion, checking themselves over a panicking.

Alastor refused to panic. He’d done enough of that for a lifetime.

The second thing he did was check his surroundings. The world was shrouded in a dense fog, strangely bright and dark at once. Chills ran down his spine as he spun around. He felt a million eyes on him at once.

“Hmm? A visitor?”

Alastor hadn’t lived nearly a century in hell for his reflexes to be slow. He turned on a dime, reaching for his holy dagger so he could face his new opponent. His death was still fresh in his mind.

Instead he was faced with a man. A seemingly regular human man, maybe Jewish in decent. He wasn’t anything special. His skin had a desert tan while his brown eyes twinkled on his wrinkled face, full of smile lines. A full brown beard, partnered with brown hair, completed the look. He only looked like he was in his late fourties, early fifties.

Something deep inside the demon, something ancient and feral, warned him that whatever the man was, it was old.

Alastor found himself pausing, having to take a second to remember his manners. “Ah, pardon me. My name is Alastor. And who might you be?”

“I am Joseph, I have been watching this place for a very long time. Not many come here, you are one of the first in a while now.” Now that he was listening properly, Joseph’s voice was as kind as his eyes. Forgiving, in a way.

“What is this place exactly?” Alastor inquired, “to me it just seems like a place of nothing.”

Joseph laughed, and even then he sounded kind. “I suppose you could call it that. I would prefer to say this place is a crossroads of sorts. Somewhere where even nothing could be something, given that nothing wants to be something.”

And despite that description, it only left Alastor confused. Where exactly were they?

“You’re getting confused,” Joseph pointed out out keenly, “Why don’t you walk with me? I’ll explain everything on the way.”

Alastor fell into step beside the strange man, still running through the answer in his head. A crossroads where nothing could be something, what a strange answer for strange man.

“I suppose I’ll start with how you are here,” Joseph began, “simply put, you died.”

“I gathered that,” Alastor grumbled dryly.

“While you died quite selflessly, protecting your friends and charge from certain death, there are complications. On one hand, if you had let them die then you would have been freed from your debts. You didn’t have to save Charlie Morningstar, but in doing so you died a hero’s death. Well done.” Joseph talked about his death so candidly, as though he were talking about the weather. It felt like Alastor should be offended, but his voice was too calming for that.

“On the other hand, your repertoire of crimes proceeds you. Hundreds of murders can be attributed to you directly, and that isn’t taking into account the souls you enslaved. One good deed doesn’t erase the suffering of many, you know?” Their surroundings changed. Now they were standing in a room, pure white other than two doors.

One door was blue, golden lettering sketching out the destination. The other was black, red details describing the fate of those who entered in one word.

“And so, I stand before you to offer you the choice,” Joseph continued talking, possibly ignoring Alastor’s whirling mind, “which afterlife do you believe suits you now? Heaven, or Hell?”

Heaven or Hell.

It’s a question people ask themselves when they are alive. They tell themselves their answer and move on. When you’re dead, you don’t get to choose.

“You want me to choose where I belong?” Alastor asked, looking at the man incredulously. What on earth was his goal?

“Yes. I only want you to pick a door and walk through it. It shouldn’t be hard.” Joseph’s patient smile was getting to the point of unnerving.

Alastor stepped back, “This is ridiculous. Only an utter buffoon would choose to go to hell.”

“Then have you made your choice?”

Alastor sent a withering glare at the man. When he looked thoroughly chastised, the demon began to pace.

Heaven or Hell.

A simple question. Heaven is the best answer. Everyone wants to go to heaven. The kindest, greatest people end up in heaven. It is a luxury that is unmatched by anything on earth or below it.

Hell is the worst answer. Hell is a fight for survival. It is drugs and depravity and demons clashing for power. Hell is the place he was trapped in for almost a century.

Hell was a hotel where a little maid cleaned. Hell was a place where a cat tended a bar, chatting away to a spider with a smile on their lips. Hell was a place where a snake spoke to a girl with a nervous smile. Hell was a place where a disgraced angel and a demon found love. Hell was a place where a radio host would tease his rival without a care in the world.

Hell was a hotel, and hell was a little less hellish than the world made it out to be.

“I would like to say that certain doors come with certain constraints. If we let you back to hell with everything intact, things could go bad fast. To make things easier you wouldn’t remember this, nor would you remember your previous life in hell. Everything would be reset to zero. No souls to own, no deals to uphold, and no power to your name. You would just be Alastor, practically a new sinner,” Joseph’s voice cut through his thoughts.

Just Alastor. Would anyone have “just Alastor”?

Charlie would. She’d probably pluck him right off the street. She’d take him to the hotel and reintroduce him to everyone. She’d get Rosie and he’d end up befriending her again. Husk would hate him at first but eventually he’d probably worm his way into people’s hearts. His early days self was charismatic without the reputation.

He stepped towards the door, the decision clear. However, just before he stepped through he paused.

“You aren’t just Joseph, are you?”

The man laughed, “I suppose you’re correct. The stories didn’t to me much justice when I was mortal. Though that was on purpose.”

“Hmm. Well your ‘first man’ was a bit of a dick.”

That earned him a chuckle, and he took it. He pushed the door open, prepared for the memoryless future waiting for him.

——<>——

The door clicked, finally startling the inhabitants of the room into action. The eldest grabbed her younger by the arm, tugging her towards herself. The redeemed sinner turned around, frill flying upwards into a threat display, his mind still spinning from the events of earlier.

An angel stepped into the office.

His coat was a brilliant pure white, complementing his mostly monochrome colour scheme. Light gray skin worked well with darker gray pants, bow tie making a nice touch. A blue vest slightly peaked from beneath the coat, decorating the whole outfit with golden clasps, buttons, and glasses. Silver hair was adorned with a crown of ebony antlers, perfectly framing pale blue eyes that scanned the room.

As the angel left the safety of the doorway, Sir Pentious couldn’t help but look at the splendor that was this angel’s wings. Large and white, they were something to behold.

That and the cane the mystery angel held in a death grip. He’d see a cane too similar to it in hell for it to be some strange coincidence.

“Alastor?” He hissed, catching the angel’s attention.

Sir Pentious heard one of the Seraphim behind him squeal, the other one muttering a prayer under her breath. He ignored them in favor of the seemingly redeemed radio demon in front of him.

“… I am not supposed to be here.”

——<>——

If you made it to the end, well done! I used the redeemed Alastor found on @hazbinmo-tel ‘s blog.

Check it out there tbh, I didn’t draw it. Don’t like me for the artwork, like me for the writing. I did that. Anyways the Bible headcannons are me. I will definitely do a sequel! I mean, someone like Alastor can’t have just gotten into heaven without strings attached right?

… Right?

9 notes · View notes

ferallester · 6 months

Text

hoo boy good morning everybody!

I saw the video title a few hours ago when I first woke up, and immediately went back to sleep bc I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it at that hour LMAO

I just saw the thumbnail properly too

this is… this is gonna be an absolute trip huh

live reaction under the cut bc I’m Terrified!

first of all: THOSE ARE THE SAME FUCKING SHIRTS

second of all: ‘nostalgia cannon to the face’

correction: that is in fact a different shirt that Phil is wearing, but it is ridiculously similar, what the hell

‘quintessential emo’ ‘I was serving twink Karen’

‘it’s just… us’ ‘it’s just us being stupid’

‘you’re giving us full sphincter on YouTube’

‘ass and foot baiting’

‘quite restrained’ it’s 2012 of course you’re being restrained

HEART EYES HOWELL COMING IN FULL FORCE WHILE PHIL ATTEMPTS TO TOUCH HIS NECK

I think I found their favourite part of pinof 4 (the cursed Justin Bieber and HMS QEII masks) (lmao imagine if they made actual masks of the boat)

wow those are some really ugly glasses phil

why DO you boys have bugspray in here

‘unless they pressed their noses TOGETHER’ *a sound that normal humans make*

why aren’t they reacting to the blooper videos you guys do know you have bloopers available right

official rating: mid

THE CURSED DAN FACE WAS ON THE SUNDAY TIMES—

oh that is so incredibly unfortunate, why did they use that particular video as a photo reference LMAOOOOO

also who scanned this particular copy what the hell happened to that page

thank you Dan for a recreation

either they don’t want to talk about it or they forgot about 2012

ah. ah that explains a lot about why pinof 5 Looks Like That

PHIL— DAN—

THEY HAD TO REFILM PINOF 5–

the wrecking ball

Dan is fucking relentless with his past self

‘tit tackle’

oh that’s mildly horrifying how low they can go, I think I found an ick

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS— NOT THE REAL VOICES—

I hate them

weirdly the vibes of pinof 5, at least with these idiots reacting to themselves, have gotten. so much worse

Dan able to predict what his past self would do next…

‘crack protected’

oh Phil

a gingerphobic goose…

‘I feel like you’ve recovered from that’ ‘:|’ ‘no?’ ‘A—’

I really hope someone makes a gif of them arguing over the old handshake from pinof 6 and this video

‘assigned mother’ y’know that makes sense actually

successful monkfish backwards!

Phil looks at the camera and Dan just looks at Phil at the end, STOP

they literally JUST used fireside.caf for the shoulder thing actually

the sexy end screen dance also like… horrifically iconic

I always forget about their weird noises they make at the end AND THE BOYS ARE AMUSED

Phil… Phil there’s 8 billion people… on earth… XD

this is the pinof that came out just before I got into them :0

Dan’s hair is. Awful

MOTHERFUCKER DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SHOW US FESTIVE DITL

shoutout to the vyous tho

love that Phil actively remembers that Dan complained about the thickness of the whiskers

‘I AM BECOME YOU’ also cheese umbrella is still awful (affectionate) to this day

THEY BOTH USED THE SUNGLASSES EMOJI MOST RECENTLY

also hello lobster emoji I know exactly why you’re here

pæch

THEY MOSTLY REMEMBERED THE LIZARD SONG—

rip that peace lily

the anaconda scene…

the game does indeed still work

‘TIMMY LIKES IT’

WHAT THE FUCK DID DAN SAY— also I think I found the most iconic moment of this video so far, they’re just DYING—

TATINOF reference

shut the FUCK UP boys we KNOW you’re touching

as someone who once ate a lemon near-whole bc fruit and who regularly eats lemon and lime slices, their flinching is a fail

existential crisis :(

boys isn’t the time for the merch outdated???? anyway moving on

SLUTTY CATBOY

my calendar and sweater are FINALLY shipping btw and I’m so excited!!!!

THEY’RE GONNA DO A TIERLIST :D

PINOF 7!!!! NEXT EPISODE IS PINOF 7, FINALLY I’LL BE ABLE TO RELATE AGAIN

THEY FINISHED RECORDING POPPY PLAYTIME CHAPTER 2 AT FOUR????

‘danisshowinghole’ ‘amazingtimmy’ thanks!

oh my god I can’t wait for part three actually

#the feral speaketh #dan and phil #phan #mass-reblog time!

6 notes · View notes

arleniansdoodles · 2 months

Note

Yang is literally SO frustrating to watch

Dude. Guy. You have not known Yin for 8 years at this point. People change. ESPECIALLY if aomething that traumatic happened. At this point, Fajar and Kuroki DO know her better than you do. LISTEN TO THEM

And his refusal to acknowledge his own part in Yin's worsening mental state is the worst thing. I cannot see it as anything but pure denial at this point. He has done NOTHING to indicate that he wants to rebuild his and Yin's relationship and yet he gets to say that Yin doesnt see him as a brother anymore?? You arent even giving her a chance to see you as her big brother rn! Ahe tries to kill herself and after IMMEDIATELY attacks him how can he not understand that HE IS THE PROBLEM HERE

I need Sean to beat the sense into him genuinely

Jinfeng was my least favourite but yang is coming for her spot

(i love the way you write them btw its very complex i just cant sympathise with Jinfeng personally)

On the one hand, I feel bad that I'm putting my Sifu readers through Yang's infuriating shenanigans �� But on the other, I guess it means I'm writing Yang pretty well to get these reactions? So I'll take it as a compliment too! 😂

I completely understand your frustration though; don't worry, Yang won't stay this way forever! I knew he wouldn't be able to if I wanted Yin's happy ending to actually happen lmaoo (not saying that she can't have a happy one without Yang, just that I want her to have her family back 😭)

I feel like, out of all the bosses, Yang has probably suffered the most from his talisman's corruption, but he's also done his fair share of indulging in his own delusions and denial, so it's a mix of things. And speaking of that, one of the reasons why I wrote him like this is based on the virtue (from the Five Constant Virtues) that he's associated with, which is sincerity (or faithfulness, truthfulness). The basic definition of that is having your words line up with your actions, being in touch with reality, and not giving in to self-serving delusions. Each boss lacks their own respective virtue; I just amped it up to eleven for Yang loll 😂

And no worries about not sympathizing with Jinfeng! She's a tough one to like, for sure XD Plus, she and Sean will have their bits to say in the next chapter, so we'll get a closer look at what they think about all this! Thanks for reading and commenting, anon!! <333

#asks #anon asks #sifu #sifu game #fanfiction #my fanfiction

2 notes · View notes

beautifulpersonpeach · 10 months

Note

What do you think of new jean’s’ latest EP?

Ask 2 (quick ask):

Last year you said XG is a group you like. What do you think of their comeback? Grl Gvng is my fav from them rn. Then Tippy Toes. Do you still like New jeans btw? Ever since you said to watch how kpop stans treat NJ I've been checking the reactions and discourse and you've been right on the money. Again. You could make real dough from predicting how things play out in kpop fandoms.

***

Hi Anon(s),

Get Up by NewJeans is a solid 8/10.

Every song on the EP is an earworm and I've been streaming the album since it dropped. There's no other 4th gen girl group that gets me excited for new music lately, more than NewJeans. XG is a distant second (anon in ask 2, all they've put out so far is a couple of singles which I think are very good, but the actual comeback is in late September so we'll see).

The stand-out songs on the EP for me are Cool With You, New Jeans, and ASAP, but every song on the EP is doing very well (except ASAP that most people seem to hate right now. But I suspect that will change with time.)

My theory of NewJeans' overarching concept being Alice in Wonderland, was confirmed for me in their visual album as that's the throughline idea in all the MVs, despite their very different themes.

The Powerpuff Girls / New Jeans intro being the most obvious analog, starting the EP with taking bunnies inside the imaginary world of NewJeans' townsville, reiterating that they aim to "make you feel like you're in a game", that this sound and vibe is what to expect, etc.

Super Shy which follows the girls within their universe where they're already known and loved (the callback to Attention at the start of the MV which people are already dancing to)

ETA is the first obvious reference to the parasocial attachment that NewJeans continues to highlight in their music. Just as in Ditto, it's self-aware with a morbid and surreal undertone to it. The MV director Shin Woo-seok, has also said the MV plot lesson is centered on how rumours can be used and weaponized regardless of whether they're based in fact. Which... again, just brilliant considering everything about how k-pop stans operate in general.

Cool With You & Get Up are the climax of the EP in my opinion, and in them we see the most interesting and sophisticated expression of identity conflict and reconciliation in parasocial attachments, using the story of Eros/Cupid and Psyche. Get Up, according to Ador, is only an interlude in this EP but will serve as the sonic blueprint for their next album. And this also confirms another pattern I've noticed. Min Heejin has been using one song from each album to hint/tease the dominant sound for the next. So, what I mean is:

1 - In NewJeans (debut EP) Cookie was a slight departure sonically from the other songs on the album, but sounds very similar to OMG which followed.

2 - In OMG (singles album) Ditto sounded nothing really like OMG (the song) but its UK garage + Baltimore Club combo sounds more like the full fledged expression of D&B that we see in Super Shy, Cool with You, and other songs in Get Up.

3 - And now in Get Up (2nd mini album) we hear that their next album project will sound a lot like Get Up (the song).

ASAP is easily my favourite song on the album. It reminds me a lot of Close Your Eyes. As the outro, here NewJeans doesn't hint at it anymore, they show you that you're Alice, and that you're already well and deep within their beautifully fantastical wonderland. There's just enough horror elements in the MV to keep you alert even though everything about the song is meant to lull you into a dreamlike illusionary state. It feels childlike and nostalgic.

If it were up to me, I'd nominate Get Up for every Album of the Year award. And I have to give kudos to Ador for not just collaborating with PPG by borrowing their trademarked characters and visuals, (which is where most k-pop groups and companies would've stopped at), but by finding a way to incorporate even the PPG theme song into their music. Whoever realized that a nostalgic cartoon has one of the most recognizable beats in the Drum & Bass genre and thought to repurpose it in their music, that person should get a raise.

I'm aware k-pop stans have tabled their usual complaints, tried getting various controversies to stick, from claiming Min Heejin was pushing terrorism to claiming that Hoyeon (the respected South Korean actress most known from Squid Game) was involved in making porn in front of minors... thankfully, the facts won (in more sane corners of k-pop fandom) and none of that bullshit really stuck. Now the only complaint I'm still seeing around is that the songs are too short, but again, it just drives home the fact as I keep saying, k-pop stans really have no idea what they're talking about. It's one thing to wish the songs were longer for your own enjoyment, but one of the characteristics of the D&B and Garage genres is their length, because they are percussion-driven and repetitive, songs in those genres are typically shorter.

Also, aside from a handful of other girl groups, NewJeans is producing some of the most fun, interesting, and engaging choreographies I've seen in a hot minute.

youtube

My favourite still in the entire visual album:

Hoyeon is built like a goddess, my gosh.

Ador needs to be given their due. They know what they're doing and I hope they continue having the freedom and cash to fully flesh out each of the girls' talents in NewJeans, because all five girls are incredibly talented. I'd love for Jimin to work with them somehow, Yoongi too (both as a collaborator and in a production capacity). I'm looking forward to seeing more from them in every possible way.

#newjeans #newjeans get up #min heejin #jimin #yoongi #ador #hybe #kpop #kpop music #music asks #bpp music posts

16 notes · View notes

laesas · 1 year

Note

For fanfic ask game 👀, 🌝 and 🖊 please!

OMG I ended up writing so much for these that I'm gonna have to put the long answers under a readmore! But short answers:

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

KimKen dubcon interrogation... 👀

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Weirdly as of late: Chan! - I'm entering my Dilf 4 Dilf divorce era someone give me pre-canon ChanGun I'm begging.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

Chay + Tankhun hours under the cut!!

Thanks so so much lovely!!

✨📝 Writers Ask Game 📝✨

💌Send me one here!💌

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

Soooooo. I there's only one fic that I've actually written up that won't ever see the light of day and that's the 4k or so of the initial ideas and concepts for the KimBig - Kim ended up coming across as more distrustful of Big than he is (because it's Big POV we dont get to see inside his head), and it ended up coming across as a little too "Vegas". While he's rude to Big in canon he isnt actually hugely distrustful; he's banking on Big serving Kinn over Korn to get information on Porsche and the potential mole(s).

I love the energy but it felt very 2-dimensional and I couldn't wrangle the context it to make it work. Plus I absolutely love the emotional vulnerability I've created in the KimBig 2.0 from Kim's perspective - it feels a lot more realistic. I realised if I wanted to use the first dynamic I'd definitely have to make it happen with someone Kim didn't trust at all (cue Ken).

So in short: The rework where it's KimKen - Kim suspects that Ken is the mole and goes all knife-to-throat femme fatale while accusing Ken of sleeping with Vegas. Which he is btw. But that's beside the point lol.

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Considering the rest of the content of my blog you absolutely could not guess this but yeah! Chan...........? the last few weeks I've suddenly been gripped with a bunch of swirling thoughts about his relationships with the three main family boys, with Big who also grew up in the household and how he's not allowed to pick a favourite bodyguard (big) or a favourite sibling (kim). Plus all the nuances of his loyalty to Korn and interactions with the minor household as well.

Chan + Vegas' dynamic particularly fascinates me! Vegas often uses english as a show of status: to include his family and exclude lower ranking bodyguards who are primarily thai speakers (eg. speaking english with macau at the dinner table, speaking english to Porsche and using weird idioms to throw him off balance). In ep 14 he pointedly says 'know your place!' in english to Chan. To any other bodyguard it would be another layer of pulling rank but Chan is acting on Korn's behalf and completely fluent in english so the effect is competely different, as is his response. There's a kind of implied superiority that Chan is immune to, both because of his proximity to Korn, AND because of his fluency in english. IDK if I've explained that well at ALL but there's something super interesting there ✨ Point being: Chan's english fluency vs Vegas' pointed use of english my beloved.

Also I joke about him and Gun giving "divorced" energy, but I feel like ChanGun has the exact same energy I love from KenBig but with even more hatefucking and complex ranks and loyalties. I am entering my Dilf4Dilf divorce era it seems. Rotating them in my mind as we speak.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

I'm currently reworking the first chapter of my KimChay which starts with Tankhun and Chay bonding hours! Chay's trying to get Tankhun to let him learn self defence and Tankhun is deflecting.

“What-?” Chay says, momentarily distracted. Khun pounces. “Yes! Robots, I helped him build them, you know! It was like a video game! No need to learn fighting when you can shoot with the computer or make explosions from the safety of your safe room! They were so helpful when- Owh. I don't want to talk about it actually.” “When what?” “I’m bored of this topic now, it’s not interesting to me anymore.” “P’Khuuun,” Chay whines, hopping up onto the dresser and trying more and more ridiculous angles to lean himself into Tankhun’s eyeline as he dips and dodges around Chay’s encroaching face. Chay eventually gives up and grabs hold of his wrist, the way he does with Porsche, the way he did with- Khun startles and tenses, wide eyed, milliseconds from snatching it away. “Sorry-” Chay starts, removing his hands, but Tankhun’s arm stays frozen in mid air for a moment before he comes back to himself. Chay watches in the mirror as Khun settles his expression, when he’s satisfied he turns to look up at Chay. Level. His smile is soft but his eyes are blank. Chay’s seen that mask before. “It's fine,” Tankhun says quickly, it sounds clipped and strange. His smile is bright as a camera flash and gone just as quickly. “Could you- in my closet-” He frowns, “You should swap the jackets. You forgot one. I picked it out for you and you forgot it and now your outfit is all wrong. Go and fix it-” he clicks his fingers “Pol. Help him fix it now.” Pol nods, smiling at Chay and walking them back through the wardrobe doors. He beats Chay to the jacket and crouches to pick it up from where it was slumped on the floor. Chay reaches out to take it, suddenly desperate to leave and go back to Tankhun, to fix things, to apologise and tell him he was right and that the jackets do look better the other way around. Pol doesn’t let go. “Hold on, he needs a moment sometimes,”

It all ends up ok in the end! Tankhun is fine really!

In my mind Chay has very much latched on to Tankhun as a stabilising presence (which Tankhun has revelled in because very few people trust him that way). Tankhun is able to support Chay because he just inherently understands a lot of what Chay's going through, but because Khun is so overwhelmingly supportive, sometimes Chay forgets that the root of the understanding is that Tankhun is still traumatised too.

BUT it is fine. And crucially after he calms down, Khun doesn't let Chay shrink and go all apologetic and pliant the way he does when Porsche feels bad. Chay is allowed to feel bad for hurting Tankhun without that requiring him giving up all his autonomy and reasonable requests. I think that's a pretty important thing for Chay to learn - and that theme of autonomy becomes important in his conversations with Kim later!

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ASKING LOVELY LOVELY EGG!!

#ask #ask meme #domsaysstuff #chan kp #chay kp #tankhun kp #KimKen #KimBig #mwah mwah mwah! Kis on hed!! <3 #kpts

8 notes · View notes

thestalwartheart · 2 years

Note

Lol, my honest unpopular opinion is the opposite of the other nonny! I actually have long thought too many fics made Bond too much of a jerk! Like, I watched Spectre and I didn't even blink at the ending. Bond did his job, it's done, he's going on holiday now. Q is tired and annoyed by him, as he often is, but is like, 'fine, whatever, have the car, you saved the day, bye'. It never would have occurred to me to read Q's reaction there as heartbroken, or to consider Bond should have stuck around to help with cleanup or whatever. He's a field agent, he did his job, he's done for now. I mean, after hearing fandom take on it, I see where they're coming from. But I never would have gotten that from the movie without fandom pointing it out. Lmao

Yes!!! Differing opinions!!! We love to see them.

I was just thinking about this last night. I think you definitely can read Q as being heartbroken (I usually boil it down to unrequited love), but the first time I saw that scene, I read that look as wistful. It seemed to say, "Same old James Bond. It's a shame this is the last time we'll ever do this, but I'm glad you're getting out." I've always thought in the strict canon universe that Q was pleased he could give James that car and contribute to his happy ending. Any way you look at it, it's a powerful moment. I've used both interpretations in fic and seen both done very well in other fics, too.

My favourite SPECTRE fix-its have always done the work to build a foundation of friendship between Q and James that went beyond what we saw in canon. It makes Q's anger/disappointment in those fics a lot more believable to me, and I couldn't have written my own without doing that.

Another tangent incoming! Outside of the SPECTRE ending, but still the subject of Q, James and manipulation, I don't think James was ever trying to be malicious. Does that mean he wasn't callous or self-serving? No. He's an agent. He's going to be both of those things all the time. With Q, I think there was definitely a *wink wink* "scratch my back because you know it's the right thing to do" kind of thing going on. James knows how to get people to bend to his will, but I think Q is willing to go along with it most of the time. He did build him an exploding watch, after all. From the first time we meet him in Skyfall he's fine with working against the bureaucrats. And he trusts Bond not to go off the rails. The only exception there is in Austria after the incident with the DB10 (RIP), but it's a very quick turnaround from Q being furious to siding with James. As soon as he realises James is onto something, he's right back on board.

(Where I took issue with James in SPECTRE was when he gave Q the ring and then let him out of his sight (as if that wasn't a massive cock-up security-wise). In the original script, we saw that play out to its natural conclusion with Q being taken. It's a shame that didn't make it into the final movie, because I think it would have been a real moment of reckoning for James.)

TL;DR: I think all this boils down to the fact everyone at MI6 knows the job is more important than anything. Personal pride. Personal lives. Destroyed vehicles. All of it. James does his job. Q does his. Occasionally they help each other out while annoying the shit out of each other, but there's affection and respect underlying all of it.

Of course, it's a delight to read more into it in fandom, and some days I really did think both Ben Whishaw and Daniel Craig were up to more than they'll admit with his acting choices. None of the above rambling means I'm against the post-SPECTRE angst, btw. I absolutely froth it!

Thank you for another thoughtful opinion, Nonnie! 💛

16 notes · View notes

slightlypossessed · 2 years

Text

Tag some mutuals you want to get to know better

I was tagged by the lovely @amywritesthings, so tysm!!

let us begin!!

Favourite time of the year: October & November time of the year. I love, love October's spooky Halloween vibe and I hate when it ends, but I also love and welcome November because it's easily the best weather of the year, perfect for hanging out outdoor and walks.

Comfort Food: my favourite question! I love a good cheesy pizza and it's best eaten with friends/fam or while watching a movie or show, and never ever outside these two sacred (for me) settings. My dad also makes this perfect seafood pasta, each time a lil different sometimes with shrimp, others calamari, maybe both, other times he goes for salmon — but the fucking sauce? heavenly, beyond description, the absolute epitome of comfort and hearty food; I want him to open up a restaurant just so he could serve this delicacy of a pasta because everyone deserves a taste of it.

Favourite desert: jam mille-feulle. the most exquisite of patisserie. typing it out makes me feel the most pretentious I've felt but i seriously love it and everyone deserves to eat it and now how perfect it is. I don't like the ones with the cream piped in the middle, but rather the ones where it's spread out, they're just a more enjoyable treat. I'm also deeply in love with chocolate chip cookies and a good, warm orange cake.

Things you collect: a possibly very boring answer but notes. Like academic notes (and research and shit) I just can't bring myself to part ways with them, especially the ones for my fav subjects. I also collect doodles and stuff. I rarely throw out my own doodles and i keep my friends doodles and silly notes in class — i just love how they symbolise this frozen moment in time of random self expression, and we always have little inside jokes associated with each note or drawing, so yeah. I also LOVE to collect funky or cool looking stuff, like brochures or cards or anything really that's designed really well; I'm studying to become a graphic designer so shit like that helps inspire me, you know?

Favourite drink: Lemonade. simply put the most enjoyable thing in the world is lemonade, in all it's various iterations. Also anything cold and caramel, caramel latte, caramel frappe, caramel shake anything caramel and cold I'm in need of it. I also once drank this EXQUISITE drink that idk what it's actually called but it said blue island on the menu: it was mix of citrus and orange and a blue syrup and idk what exactly it is but it's simply the best thing I've ever drank, I still daydream about it.

Favourite musical artist: questions like these should be illegal because i simply have NO idea how to answer them. The answer changes every hour, every 4 minutes when i listen to a new song. however, i do have some names I'd like to share: Ólafur Arnalds, a literal brilliant musical mastermind, i love him and all his little tunes; Nelly Furtado & Timbaland, I listen to them and immediately get possessed by the spirit of the mid 2000's clubbing scene™, listen to them and have a good, good time; I've recently been really into M83, the genius of all his music boggles me everytime i hear it. I'm also a deep deep lover of soundtracks so 60% of my Spotify is just different movie and show soundtracks.

Last song you listened to: Leaving for The Trial from the Defending Jacob soundtrack. I just finished the show yesterday and it's so good and this is my fav soundtrack from it. And if you don't think of soundtracks as REAL songs (which would make you absolutely wrong btw I'm sorry) them I'm happy to provide the answer Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation.

Last movie you watched: LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!!!! i love more serious and sad Steve Carell characters, which is why i deeply love beautiful boy and now little miss sunshine. The movie made me cry, laugh, reconsider my life and have an absolutely rad time dancing along to Olive's raunchy little dance number (i love it sm u have no idea) EVERYONE should watch this movie it's brilliant and I'm ashamed to have not watched it much sooner than I did.

Last series you watched: Defending Jacob (as is mentioned a few paragraphs up) I love chris evans, and i love the dynamic he has with jaeden martell. The show is such an enjoyable watch i love the directing and the pace of it, i just wish they hadn't good with the ending they decided on going with.

Series you're currently watching: nothing rn. I just finished defending Jacob last night so I haven't had time to start something new, but I'm thinking maybe succession. I haven't watched any of it and it seems to be a fan fav recently so I might start it soon. I'm also thinking of starting Only Murders in The Building or Trust + I'm watching she-hulk at the moment, but unlike the other shows i mentioned I can't binge it yet cuz it's stil being aired weekly.

Current obsession: this is getting repetitive I'm sorry....but series and shows. I love watching them, and not just to get entertained, but i love to break down the plot, and study the characters, and admire the actors and their acting choices (and find similarties between their other characters) I love admiring the cinematography and directing and all the various camera techniques used, and god do i love the music, whether it be radio songs or original soundtracks i love how they use them i love it all and goddamit i want to be an actor or a director so bad!!

Dream place to visit: Italy. i fucking love Italy. also maybe the major US cities, like Chicago, New York, Boston, etc. maybe Sweden too.

A place you've been that you want to go back to: Twoo places actually!! one is UAE, i visited both Dubai and Abu Dhabi (I also used to live in Dubai when i was younger so it feels familiar in a sense). I love city lights at night and I LOVE the subway in dubai u get to pass by so many land marks and towers i love it, it's the best during sunset time (a lil busy tho because people are leaving work). Abu Dhabi is also amazing, i love the sea there sm!! we used to go walk (me and my fam) on the corniche every night and eat ice cream from a cold stone on the corniche, it was seriously the best time of my life. Also there's this sailing competition thing they do around the beginning of February that's so ethereal to watch, the coast just becomes full with pretty white sail ships.

The second place (although abu Dhabi and Dubai may count as 2 separate places but I'm putting them in one category because they're in the same country) is Alexanderia. I LOVE!! the corniche in Alexandria, it's a "long" city, it feels like one tall branch along the Mediterranean. It's so beautiful and i appreciate the roman/greek influence on the city, especially in its architecture. There's a food court/hang out place there called Tivoli it's right by the sea and has so many cafes and restaurants; there's something so purifying about drinking a cold, sweet lemonade right by the sea there. Also Fort Qaitbay is INSANE from the inside, if anyone ever visits they should go at a time where it's open to enter because holy fuck it feels like a different world. it's so high and the stairs are so steep, but the view when u reach the top is worth it (trust me) and it's so so much fun if you travel with a group of friends. The Royal Jewelry museum is also a must-see, the pinnacle of royal luxury. Ethereal to walk through, the architecture is insane. I can't believe I was in the bedroom of a literal princess judging her choice of silk sheets. The ceilings and chandeliers are a work of art (as are the floors, carpets, bathroom tiles, pretty much every inch).

The answer is very long but these places are so beautiful to visit and experience, and they're not often found on "top 20 places to visit" lists, so here u go.

Something you want: absolute peace of mind. I wanna reach a point where I'm content with what i have, and I also wanna have a comfortable living... situation (??) idk it's why I'm studying and trying to make something out of my self, I don't wanna worry about money and bills, and I wanna spoil my family — it's not realistic but it's something I want.

Currently working on: 28 different drafts, WIPs for different characters, including the moon boys, din djarin, matt murdock the outlaw of a lawyer, and carmen Berzatto because i recently watched the bear and I'm obsessed (and think everyone should watch the bear it's beyond captivating) anyway it's chaos and my motivation to sort through it is around 3%

Some more people to play: @preciouslandmermaid @astroboots

(p.s) not mutuals per se but they're people whose writing I admire and want to know more about them

#mutual fun #dash games

2 notes · View notes

guess-my-next-obsession · 7 months

Note

hey lovely babie! i hope life is treating you kindly and you are thriving! i wanted to tell you that your wonderful fics really helped me at a time where i really struggled. it was hard for me to get out of bed and your words came as a truly unexpected blessing! they made me escape my world for a bit, but also they helped me be a happier, braver and more confident me in the real world. so i wanted to thank you for that, truly. as a fellow writer, i know how easy it is to think that none of this matters or has any impact, so i needed to come to your ask box to remind you that these things are certainly not true. your words were such a strong comfort to me and ignited a little light of hope in my soul. thank you for that, too. and i hope, in turn, my words now can serve as a reminder that what you do, and how you write, and the way you think matters. someone somewhere in this world stumbled upon your tumblr and found solace in the way your brain works.

also, your words opened me up to the world of joel miller fics and that is the most important thing i need to thank you for. like, a fictional man can make you feel all these things?? can get you there and it's so hot?? who knew?!

i have a question for you - do you ever self-insert when writing? i'm really curious about that, i think it's always interesting when writers talk about different feelings/situations that inspired them to write something or to go in a specific direction.

and another question, do you have a favourite line you've ever written?

btw i think it's important you know that i refer to you as the queen of gentle feelings and hottest smut, so… hope that crown ain't too heavy🙌

first off — holy shit. i adore you, beautiful, kind, authentic, generous anon bby. 😭

i’ve been having such a hard time with this whole writing thing lately. it’s so easy to feel insignificant in this sea of brilliance, and i’ve been struggling with just feeling like everything i put out is sort of lackluster, unoriginal, and worst, boring to read. so reading this is just…i’m trying but i can’t put it into words. it almost completely drowns out the mean voice in my head, and that’s not an easy feat in the slightest. 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

it means the world to me that i could comfort you through a dark patch in your life. i’ve spent so much of my life in and out of that draining darkness and i know how isolating and cold it can feel. it makes me want to cry (happy tears) knowing that something that i wrote managed to bring some light back into your life.

as for your questions, i essentially only write self inserts 😂 they’re all me, just different parts of me arranged in different ways. it’s exposing but it’s also freeing. it tells people exactly who i am and simultaneously shows me who i could be instead. self inserts for life!

i suck at complimenting myself, but i am really proud of Ivy & Stone. i know it’s not one of my more popular stories, but i think it’s the best writing i’ve done. this scene in chapter thirteen in particular is probably my favorite thing i’ve ever written, but here’s a little line from it:

“Do you know how mad you drive me?” he asked, bringing his lips to hover over hers. “I had to cross a sea in order to breathe, and even then…” He shook his head and sighed. “And even then, I was suffocated with missing you.”

but i’m also really proud of this line from a Frankie oneshot i wrote called When We Were Young! i recently saw it featured on @little-mrs-morales instagram page and was shocked that i wrote something like it. it’s a perfect example of me writing my own feelings through Frankie:

“You loved me in a way that I’ve never been loved before, and that was scary. I never thought—I don’t know. Never thought I deserved it, so I turned myself into someone who didn’t. But, I really need you to know that I loved you, too. I just didn’t know what to do with it. Didn’t trust myself with it, I guess.”

i accept my title as the queen of gentle feelings and hot smut if you accept your title of literal fucking angel who owns my heart 💗

#gmno asks #crying my fucking eyes out as i type this #I AM JUST AN UNEMPLOYED MENTALLY ILL SHE/THEY #THEY DID NOT PREPARE ME FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF COMPLIMENTS

1 note · View note

clubyukhei · 3 years

Text

in the mood for love (m)

pairing: wong yukhei x (f) reader

genre: fluff, smut, slice of life, some angst

summary: distance makes the heart grow fonder. in yukhei’s case, it makes him reminisce on all the firsts of your relationship and realise you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. (or: a long-distance relationship au where yukhei savours every moment of your short reunion.)

warnings: unprotected sex, language

tags: established relationship, flashbacks, set in hk, hendery and kunten appear, drunk texting, flirty dialogue, love letters, talks of marriage, pining, a bittersweet ending

word count: 14.6k

a/n: wow, it feels weird to be finally posting this because i’ve been working on this for months. this took way longer than expected and for that i wanna thank my sweet mutuals and anons who have been so patient and encouraging :’) i hope you’re in the mood for fluff and domesticity because this fic is full of it! enjoy! (reposting again bc the original one wouldn’t show up in the tags. tysm if you’ve interacted with that post btw <3)

heaven is in your eyes

bright as the stars we're under

oh, is it any wonder

i'm in the mood for love?

why stop to think of whether

this little dream might fade?

we've put our hearts together

now we are one, i'm not afraid

if there's a cloud above

if it should rain we'll let it

but for tonight, forget it

i'm in the mood for love

mornings like this are hard to come by for yukhei.

when the only sounds he can hear are the ticking of a clock and your soft exhalations. when you’re cuddled up to him, your face tucked into the crook of his neck where you breathe warm puffs of air onto his skin every few seconds.

it’s probably just another one of those dreams that yukhei gets every now and then. the kind he never wants to wake up from, because when he opens his eyes, all he sees is the dull grey ceiling of his dormitory before his bunkmates’ noisy snores snap him back into reality.

those mornings were the worst. yukhei would give up on going back to sleep. instead, he’d force himself out of bed to wash up and head to the canteen for an early breakfast, all while annoyed that his mind had once again translated his yearning for you into his dreams. he couldn’t help but feel like he was being mocked by his own self.

but this time, it feels different.

his back is resting on a bed that’s much comfier than the thin mattress he’s used to back at camp, and he’s awfully snug and cosy under what feels like a thick fleece blanket.

yukhei peels his eyelids open, ready to be met with disappointment again.

the first thing he sees is the sunrise peeking through the curtains, greeting him good morning with a dark orange glow — which is weird, because he’s always up before the sun is. even though his mind is still fuzzy, yukhei has an inkling that he’s not back at camp. so he lifts his head off the pillow and looks around.

there’s a messy work desk between two huge potted plants; a wall fully plastered with polaroids and pictures; and a clothing rack with clothes that clearly aren’t his but it’s the bra hanging over an armchair that finally tells yukhei that he’s in your bedroom.

he looks down and sighs in relief seeing you in deep slumber next to him. you’re sleeping on your side with a hand absentmindedly resting on his waist, your head tilted as if you fell asleep while gazing at him. your eyes are closed and the look on your face is so peaceful — it’s an image that yukhei wants to keep in his mind forever.

wrapping an arm around your hips, yukhei gently tugs you closer to him. your eyebrow scrunches in reaction and he panics a little, freezing when your hand lands on top of his. but you turn on your other side and snuggle back against his chest instead, and his lips curl into a lopsided smile at this tiny movement.

yukhei hugs you from behind, nuzzling into your hair and sighing when he gets a whiff of your apple-scented shampoo that he has missed so much.

just like that, the warmth of your bodies wrapped around each other and the thought of getting to spend the next few days with you — in real life, not just in his dreams — lulls him back to sleep.

yukhei would never forget the day he first met you.

or the sight of you sitting at the back of his mum’s restaurant, sipping on a glass of iced tea as you stared out of the window and silently observed the hustle and bustle of shatin plaza.

the fact that his usual seat was occupied and that a pretty girl was sitting in it left him speechless, but not annoyed at all. sure, it was his favourite spot. it also unofficially belonged to him, seeing how he sat there nearly everyday doing his homework — but that was years ago.

yukhei felt like the universe had something up its sleeve when it presented him with such a scenario on a day where he finally managed to pop by his mum’s restaurant and pay her a visit. he rarely popped by on weekdays anymore because of how hectic his academic life was becoming.

“look who it is! our yukhei who keeps growing taller and taller!”

yukhei smiled shyly as he stepped behind the counter and greeted the longtime staff — aunties who never failed to shower him with all sorts of compliments — and rushed into the kitchen looking for his mum.

mrs wong was less than pleased when she saw her son, to say the least. the smile on her face lasted for a good minute before she started nagging about how he should’ve gone home to study instead.

“i am going to study! right after i eat.” he whined, shocked that his presence had irritated her so much.

“you always say that, yukhei. but you just play games on your phone!” mrs wong retorted, not looking away from the refrigerator.

yukhei gulped at that statement, unwilling to admit that it was quite true.

“mum, who’s that girl outside? sitting at my table?”

“your table?” she chuckled before looking up at him.

yukhei watched her make her way towards the kitchen entrance to peek at the stranger outside.

“ah, that’s _____. she comes here often.” she said with a bright smile that even yukhei himself rarely received. “she helped us understand what the tourists were saying, talked to them in english for us a few times now. a very sweet and smart girl.”

if anything, yukhei became more attracted to you at that moment.

maybe it’s the thought of you helping his mum out while he’s not around — he knew how rude and impatient some tourists could be with language barriers, having personally dealt with them several times — or maybe it’s just the way you entered his life that, for some reason, felt like an important moment to him.

either way, he already made up his mind about one thing.

yukhei ended up serving you the pad thai you had been waiting for, warmly introducing himself as the lady boss’ first and older son and striking up a conversation with you that went on longer than he had expected.

he thought it was bad that he had to control his excitement when you suggested he take the seat opposite yours, but it only got worse as you both began to talk about everything and nothing.

when you smiled, he lost his train of thought. when you laughed or so much as even chuckled, his chest squeezed around his heart and he wanted to keep hearing the sound of it. and when you listened to him, he had to look away because your attentive gaze on him was truly too much.

by the time you were done with your meal, yukhei had your number saved in his phone. he offered to walk you out, opening the glass doors for you all gentlemanly as if you had just dined at a five-star hotel restaurant.

“it was nice talking to you, yukhei.” you turned to smile at him just before you stepped outside. “see you again, i guess?”

“yeah, let’s—um. yeah, see you around.” yukhei stuttered pathetically.

you giggled and waved goodbye to him and mrs wong before heading off. the lady boss had been subtly keeping an eye on you two after her son insisted on waiting your table.

once you were out of view, yukhei sighed, cringing at how nervous he sounded. before you, he had never in his life felt that self-conscious in front of anyone.

“my dear, what was that?” his mum asked with a sly look of amusement on her face.

yukhei wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“i don’t know, mum.”

all he could think about was seeing you again.

when yukhei wakes up again, he’s alone in bed.

the midday sunlight glares into the room and shines on the empty spot next to him, prompting him to roll away and further into the shade.

he lies on his side, watching some plant-shaped shadows sway across the wall for a minute before forcing himself out of bed. those extra hours of sleep did wonders for his circadian rhythm and for once he doesn’t feel tired to be awake at all — just bummed that he woke up with you not in his arms.

something in the air shifted after last night. yukhei couldn’t get over the way you jumped into his arms when he appeared at your doorstep, or how you got emotional at his shaky confession as he presented you with the promise ring he had been keeping for so long.

he had been craving for your presence so much over the past few months that seeing you reciprocate those feelings made him relieved and somewhat clingy. all he wants is to stick by your side every second he has with you before he leaves again.

so he gets out of bed immediately, walking into your tiny living room where he hears the sound of running water and finds you leaning against the kitchen counter with your back facing him, busily tending to the roses he had gifted you last night.

yukhei makes his way to you fast. his hands sneak beneath your oversized t-shirt and around your waist, pulling your frame against his front as he places a kiss on your temple.

“morning,” you say, relaxing into his touch and reaching for the nape of his neck with one hand to tug his face closer to yours.

yukhei hums in satisfaction when you angle your face perfectly to lock your lips with his in a tender kiss and whines when you attempt to pull away. he wants to taste your lips for a little longer, he’s far from done and you know it too.

you turn around to face him properly, abandoning the stalks of roses that had your attention earlier. a gasp escapes you when he slides his hands down to your bum and swiftly lifts you onto the counter.

“missed my baby so much,” he mumbles against the juncture of your jaw and neck, relishing in your soft sighs by his ear.

he doesn’t miss the way your legs hook around his waist to pull him closer or the way your fingertips lightly scratch his scalp as he busily sucks at your skin, determined to leave a trail of love marks for his own appreciation.

the doorbell rings just as he’s licking over his masterpiece, rudely interrupting the moment.

“yukhei.” you squeeze his shoulders and yukhei forces himself to pull away.

“who’s that?” he asks, unable to hide the tone of disappointment in his voice. his hands refuse to leave your skin, his thumb gently caressing the curve of your underboob.

you giggle at his pouty lips before adjusting the short bangs hanging over his forehead that he hated despite the many times you told him he looked cute.

“i ordered brunch for us.”

dumbfounded and still in a half-asleep state, yukhei helps you off the counter. he watches you look into the peephole before opening the door and picking up a large paper bag that had been sitting on your doormat.

“i thought you’d be hungry after waking up.” you say, setting the bag into your small dining table for two. “i hope you don’t mind, bub. i didn’t want to cook anything because, well—i can’t. i haven’t been to the grocery store this week. but we can always head there later and get stuff for the next few days.”

yukhei lets out a huff of disbelief. “baby.”

but you don’t hear him. you’re so busy unpacking the small food boxes onto the table as you ramble on and on, oblivious to the way he was staring at you in adoration.

“i got you your favourite stuff. spring rolls, shu mai—what?”

at last you notice how quiet he has been and you freeze, looking at him with your eyes wide in concern.

“sit down and let me do the work, please.” yukhei pleads, dragging a chair out. “you did all that while i did nothing and slept like a log!”

you laugh, shaking your head as you sit down. “i just dialed a number and asked for some food. and i know you really needed that sleep.”

once all the food boxes are arranged neatly on the table, yukhei takes his seat next to you. you’re in the midst of reaching for a pair of chopsticks when his hand grabs onto yours, halting your movements.

there’s a moment of silence as you curiously watch him readjust his thumb below the joints of your fingers, bringing the back of your hand towards his lips.

“thank you, baby. i love you.” he tells you with a dazed smile, placing a kiss just above where the promise ring hugs your finger.

“you’re welcome.”

you tell him you love him too before you bite back a huge smile — the kind that satisfies yukhei so much because he knows he’s the reason behind it.

yukhei couldn’t put into words how elated he was when you texted him back a few days after your slightly awkward first meeting, agreeing to hang out with him that upcoming friday night.

truth be told, there weren’t any concrete plans for your first date. it was amusing to him really, how the conversation ended right after you both settled on a meeting place, with no discussions of what to do or where to eat.

maybe you were simply excited to see him again and didn’t really care about what the plan was — because that was exactly how yukhei felt.

the bus ride to the shopping mall felt longer than usual. yukhei found himself staring at his reflection in the window a few times, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket and making sure he looked good.

he had rushed home straight after javelin practice and taken the quickest shower of his life before spending a good amount of time styling his hair. it was not the wisest idea — choosing a late school day when there were six other days in a week where he wouldn’t have to rush — but he had been merely trying his luck when he sent that message asking if you were free. he wasn’t expecting you to actually say yes.

so when he spotted you waiting all by yourself from afar, he quickened his footsteps amidst the crowd, never taking his eyes off of you.

your face lit up as soon as you saw him and you waved, the crop top you wore lifting a little. yukhei’s gaze flew to the sliver of skin exposed and the nervousness that had been bubbling in his tummy earlier instantly melted into nothing.

the night went quite smoothly. yukhei could not have enjoyed himself more, from dinner at the sushi bar you had recommended to the impromptu movie session that had the both of you sharing the only available seat left: a couple seat.

he was falling harder as he got to know you more and it scared him just how fast it was happening.

“do you watch superhero movies a lot?” you asked as the two of you turned into another alley of food stalls.

yukhei had insisted on accompanying you back to the train station after the movie as it was getting late. he was not going to leave you alone when nightlife in the city was just starting, not when the streets were bound to get rowdy.

“not really. i mean blockbusters are nice but i love old dramas and action flicks, you know?” yukhei answered, turning to look at you in his jacket that had been on you since he noticed you shivering in the cinema. he couldn’t help but smile at how your fingertips were peeking beneath the long sleeves.

“wait, me too!” you gasped, turning to look at him with a huge smile. “why didn’t you stop us from watching iron man?”

“well you suggested it so i thought you really wanted to watch it!” yukhei laughed as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “i’m sorry.”

“no, that’s my bad. i didn’t know what you liked so i just picked something popular.” you rolled your eyes playfully. “maybe we can watch the great gatsby next time. i think we might enjoy that.”

next time?

it took yukhei a few seconds to acknowledge the idea of a second date that you had brought up so casually.

“r-really?” he cringed as the single word fumbled through his lips.

“yeah?” you replied, the blank look on his face amusing you a little. “we can watch something else too, if you want.”

“no!” he perked up. “let’s watch gatsby.”

eventually the two of you arrived at the train station, where goodbyes were exchanged rather reluctantly and awkwardly. yukhei watched as you took a few steps away from him before abruptly turning back around.

“what’s wrong?”

“your jacket!” you ran a hand through your hair abashedly. “i almost forgot! i mean i did, but.”

yukhei’s hands flew to yours before he could stop himself, stopping you from taking his black denim jacket off.

“it gets cold in the train. you should have it.” his hands flew to his sides awkwardly. “you can give it back to me next time, it’s okay.”

“oh.” you said so softly that yukhei almost missed it. your eyes fell onto the short sleeves hugging his arms and he read your mind right away.

“i’ll be fine. my bus ride home is pretty quick.” he reassured you. it was a lie. the weather had started getting cooler and that’s why he brought a jacket out in the first place, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

yukhei noticed that your cheeks had reddened a little. why were you so cute?

“okay then,” you said with a tiny smile. “thanks again, yukhei.”

yukhei landed on his bed face flat after a warm shower, absolutely exhausted and ready to hit the sack. to be fair, it had been a long day for him and it was close to midnight.

if it was any other weekday night, he would be snoring already. but he had just sent you a text asking if you reached home already and was eagerly waiting for your reply.

at last, after a long five minutes, yukhei’s phone buzzed a few times in a row.

[from: _____][sent at 11:57PM]

hey

i just got out of the shower

thx for checking in :)

and thx for tonight again, i had a good time :)

wait it’s almost 12!!

you’re still awake?

yukhei didn’t realise a bunch of alphabets and symbols could make him so happy. his thumb hovered over his phone screen as he began to type out a reply, but a more texts came flying in.

[from: _____][sent at 11:59PM]

well

in case you’re already sleeping..

goodnight and sweet dreams~

just minutes ago, he had been so ready to fall asleep. but the rush of happiness he experienced as he read your texts over again made that impossible now. yukhei couldn’t put away his phone, couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

he was screwed. he knew he was, when that was the effect you had on him after only days of knowing each other.

“well, well, well. if it isn’t my favourite couple.”

“sorry,” you sigh while yukhei simply shoots an apologetic smile at kunhang as he slips into the booth after you. “you know how bad traffic is at this hour.”

“it’s okay.” says ten who’s sitting next to kunhang and shoving his nintendo switch into his bag. “but we ordered some stuff first because i’m starving my ass off.”

“oh that’s great!” yukhei cheers. “i’m hungry too.”

“already? weren’t you guys just at your mum’s restaurant?” ten chuckles as he looks up, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

kunhang snorts. “he’s hungry all the time, remember? you should see his snack stash back at our dorms.”

just before they parted ways at camp at the start of their vacation, kunhang had suggested to yukhei that they have a get-together meal with ten — the oldest of the trio who recently scored a job at a renown art gallery in town and decided to stay for good, instead of flying back to his hometown.

yukhei agreed to it, not just because he missed his friend dearly, but also because it’s been a while since all of you had a meal together. when he brought it up to you, you were thrilled at the idea of catching up with them, even if that meant giving up some of his already limited time with you. that’s how you and him ended up sitting across from his two best friends at a hot pot restaurant tonight.

as food arrives and gradually takes up every inch of space on the table, everyone takes turns giving updates on their lives. yukhei shares memorable incidents at camp and kunhang adds on to his stories with funny anecdotes that make you and ten laugh, while ten announces that his longtime boyfriend, kun, has moved into his apartment.

“so how’s it like living with kun so far?” you ask, ladling soup from the simmering pot in the center of the table for everyone.

“i’m getting used to my fridge having food and my kitchen actually being used.” ten replies with a shy smile that yukhei rarely got to see. “it’s only been a week and it’s getting messy in there, but i’m not complaining.”

“aw.”

yukhei hears you coo, and he can practically see the look of endearment on your face even though he’s focused on all the meat you’ve put on his plate earlier.

“and when are the two of you planning to tell us that you’re getting married?” the long-haired boy smirks, squinting at the gold band hugging your ring finger.

the question stunts you and yukhei and kunhang nearly chokes on his sprite. the innocent smile that was on ten’s face just seconds ago was now long gone and replaced with a mischievous one.

“married?” kunhang exclaims, his voice so loud that the couple in the next booth turns over to look. thoroughly embarrassed, he presses the front of his cap down to hide his eyes. “how am i not the first person to know this, yukhei?”

yukhei sighs. where, and how, should he begin?

as he glares at ten who’s enjoying this a bit too much, you set your chopsticks down and hold your hand out to an eager kunhang, who marvels at the piece of jewellery on your ring finger up close.

“so?” ten lets out a cheeky, high-pitched giggle at the look yukhei gives him. “did you guys just come back from telling your fam the good news or…?”

yukhei grins devilishly as he picks up a bean sprout with his chopsticks, ready to fling it at ten, but you’re faster than him.

“we’re not—i mean, we’re getting married. eventually! not now, obviously.” you chuckle in a flustered manner.

we’re getting married.

yukhei’s heart flutters at that sentence. he wants to hear you say that again, wants to be the one to tell his friends that.

“you’ll be the first to know when we do.” yukhei adds, nudging kunhang’s foot underneath the table, earning an eye-roll from ten.

“well, you better.” kunhang quipped. “we’ve been talking about this for years now. it’s time you two quit playing and actually get it done.”

“ah, so this is a promise ring?” ten cuts in excitedly. it’s now his turn to examine the ring as kunhang gets back to his food. “it’s so pretty. it definitely suits you.”

“thanks,” you beam as you pull your hand back. “yukhei got it years ago but won’t tell me when or where. says it’s a secret.”

the two boys gawk at yukhei right away and he sighs, bracing himself for what’s to come.

“oh xuxi, you romantic baby!” ten teases, clearly having the time of his life making yukhei blush tonight.

“so this is what you were nervous about!” kunhang scoffs in disbelief before looking between you and ten. “we were on the train back to the city and he wouldn’t shut up about being nervous for some surprise plan. and he just wouldn’t tell me what!”

“oh my god, you guys are so cute. it’s gross.” ten shakes his head. “you’re lucky i love you both!”

yukhei smiles bashfully. he was a little embarrassed at first, but of course ten and kunhang had to make it worse. he wanted to pull his beanie over his entire face and ignore everything.

you’re awfully silent next to him as you glance between your food and your lap shyly, your hair shielding your face from everyone else. a warm rush of adoration washes over yukhei and he finds himself gently adjusting your hair, tugging a loose strand behind your ear.

“okay, that’s it.” kunhang groans, grabbing his bag and pretending to leave the table. “thanks for the meal, you guys.”

“you can’t just leave!” ten exclaims, reaching for his cup of tea. “you haven’t asked _____ for her friends’ numbers yet.”

kunhang stares at ten, his eyes widening and jaw dropping in horror before he starts bickering with him — a scene that has you bursting into laughter and yukhei reminiscing the good old days where the four of you would hang out at the mall for hours after class. kunhang was always so starstruck by the popular girls at your all-girls school though you weren’t close with any of them. nothing has really changed since you entered university.

“you told me to remind you!” ten retorts.

“not in front of everyone!” kunhang cries dramatically.

“dude. it’s literally just the four of us.” ten deadpans. “always has been.”

“anyway,” kunhang rolls his eyes as he turns to face you. “so, _____. any of your friends single again?”

you do your best to look sympathetic before shaking your head. yukhei splutters out a laugh while ten pats kunhang’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

“this would be a lot easier if you were, you know, into guys.”

yukhei’s first kiss with you was, for him, a long time coming.

it happened at the end of your fifth date, after a day spent at the park.

summer had fully transitioned into fall and the weather was cool enough for the two of you to set up a picnic at a sunny spot. everything was perfect — from the calming sounds of nature to the desserts you both brought to the cute dress you wore underneath your sweater that matched the greenery around you.

more than a month had passed since yukhei first met you. with every date, the urge to hold your hands when you walked around in public and to kiss you and finally know what your lips tasted like kept growing.

yukhei smiled as he watched you talk about your week even though he already heard these stories since you text each other so much. your words went in and out of his ears and it was hard for him to concentrate because all he could think of was whether you liked him too.

there were moments that made him consider it a possibility, like how you surprised him with his favourite snacks after one of his javelin practice sessions or the way you would smile when you caught him staring at your face.

he was torn between over-romanticising those moments and acknowledging them as the plain and simple fact that you liked him too.

he felt it again as the two of you watched the sun set and slowly sink into the horizon across the river, the sky dissolving into hues of orange.

the scene in front of him was majestic, but yukhei could only concentrate on how close to him you and him were. so close that your arms were brushing against each other’s, so close that you could rest your head on his shoulder if you leaned a little.

“i like this a lot.” you said out of the blue, your eyes still fixed on the sunset in the distance. you leaned back, anchoring your palms against the mat to make yourself comfortable.

“i like you a lot.”

yukhei couldn’t stop himself. those words had been kept inside him for too long.

silence hung in the air as your proximity grew tense. yukhei couldn’t see your face and he was starting to think that maybe it was for his own good. when he felt you sitting up straight and he held his breath, expecting the worst.

“i like you too.” your voice was barely audible and you sounded just as nervous as he did, but yukhei heard you loud and clear.

his eyes widened as he turned to you at the speed of light. you had been looking at him nervously but as soon as your eyes met, your gaze quickly flickered towards your hands that were fidgeting with the sleeve of your sweater.

“really?” yukhei placed his hand over yours, gently circling the back of it with his thumb. “you like me… in that way?”

“yeah.” you mumbled, resting your head in the nook between his neck and shoulder exactly how he had pictured in his mind earlier. “i like you. a lot.”

relief flooded yukhei’s veins and he could finally breathe hearing you say the words he had so badly wanted to hear. nothing else mattered in that moment, because all he could think of was you seeing him in the same light he saw you in.

and suddenly, everything made sense to him. how could he be so stupid, after all that had happened in the past few weeks? the way you’d remember the little details of things he told you and how you’d blush at his terrible pick-up lines? of course you liked him too.

“what are you thinking about?” you squeezed his hand as you pulled back to look at him.

your face had never been so close to his. yukhei could count your eyelashes and have a proper look at your lips that looked soft and velvety. everything about this moment made it impossible for him to ignore what he had been dreaming of doing.

“can i kiss you?” yukhei asked.

all he could remember was how your eyes lit up instantly, every trace of worry fading away as an innocent smile graced your face. then you leaned in and closed your eyes just as he did, your lips meeting in a long awaited kiss.

yukhei cupped the side of your face with one hand, his thumb drawing soothing circles over your cheekbones. he felt himself sink into the feeling of your fluffy lips moving languidly against his, the way they tasted sweet like the strawberry shortcakes you shared earlier.

it took everything in yukhei to not whine when you pulled away to catch your breath, even though the kiss was probably longer than it should have been. he could still feel the butterflies in stomach as you pressed your forehead against his and he didn’t want them to fade away so soon, so he spoiled you with a few chaste kisses in a row that left both your lips tingling by the end.

“been wanting to do that for a long time.” yukhei beamed.

he reached for your hand that had been on his knee and interlocked your fingers — a small gesture he could now make anytime he wanted, and that made him a very happy boy.

the sun was almost gone but even under the dim fluorescent lighting from the street lamps, yukhei could tell that you were flushing and giddy with affection like him. the golden hour casted a warm orange glow onto your skin and you couldn’t look more like the girl of his dreams.

“i know. me too.”

the butterflies in yukhei’s stomach fluttered wildly at the sound of your airy chuckle. there was nothing that could take away the smile on his face.

yukhei did not expect to wake up to the sight of you in nothing but his camo jacket.

the lack of body heat woke him up and he found himself once again lying alone in bed and wondering where you were — but all his thoughts flew out of the window when he heard the bedroom door creak and saw you stepping back in.

he had to blink a few times to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him and that you were indeed, dressed only in his camo army jacket.

you’re standing beforeyour dresser to examine the love mark yukhei branded on your neck the night before, oblivious to how he’s silently observing you and getting hard again.

there’s something about the way his jacket reaches your midthigh and teasingly moves upwards to offer him a glimpse of your ass each time you lifted your hands to run over your skin that turns him on so much. and he has seen you in his t-shirts and muscle tanks many times before, but none of that could compare to how you looked right now and he has no clue why so.

maybe it’s the consecutive months of being deprived of your touch and having to picture your body as he took cold showers to relieve himself on some mornings. but he doesn’t have to rely on his imagination now that you’re here, in front of him, like a present waiting to be unwrapped and appreciated.

yukhei lets out a whine that gets muffled into the pillow, but you hear it immediately and whirl around in surprise.

“hey.” you smile lazily as you make your way back to bed, landing on your knees and crawling towards him.

yukhei’s eyes are glued to the gap between his unbuttoned jacket, which hangs loose enough on your body to bless him with the sight of your cleavage, the smooth expanse of your body, and as he lowers his gaze — your core between your parted thighs.

he’s visibly infatuated, and you clearly don’t entertain that as you sit on where his crotch is beneath the sheets, lying down on him to give him a quick smooch. your lips are warm and taste like lemon, which tells yukhei you just had your morning mug of tea.

“morning,” yukhei mumbles, slipping a hand beneath his jacket to rest on your back. your skin is smooth and warm under his touch as always. “this looks so much better on you.”

“yeah?” you chuckle softly. “hope you don’t mind, it was cold.”

“i don’t mind it at all,” yukhei smiles, raising his other hand to cup your cheek affectionately. “but i need you.”

“need you to warm me up, baby.” he says, his voice deepening with the next sentence. “want you to ride me in this.”

you’re looking down at him in a hazy gaze when your breathing pauses. you don’t answer him with words — instead, you slot your lips between his, never pulling away as you get on your knees and pull the covers off.

yukhei sighs into the kiss at the feeling of his cock standing tall and unrestrained, desperately begging for your attention. he lets out a heavier sigh as your hand wraps around his hard length and starts stroking him with purpose.

“just like that.” he groans, his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as his hips start thrusting into your grip. you line his jaw with kisses, making him feel pampered and content.

“want you too.” you purr.

yukhei hears how needy you are and tightens his grip on your ass, but you’re already one step ahead of him. repositioning yourself, you let your slick folds slide against the length of his cock as you continue pumping him, lubricating him with your own arousal.

the room is filled with desperate sighs. you’re grinding your clit over his tip when it becomes all too much for yukhei, who wants to be deep inside you already.

“baby,” yukhei mutters, squeezing your ass cheeks which elicits a loud gasp from you. “need to be in you now. please.”

the urgency in his voice prompts you to lean forward and stable yourself with a hand pressed to his chest. yukhei watches you guide his cock towards your opening before sinking onto him in one go.

“fuck.” his throat goes dry at the feeling of your soaking walls enveloping all of him and his jaw slackens as he takes a few moments to appreciate how it feels to be buried in you.

“yukhei,” you whine. “it’s hot.”

he watches you shrug his jacket off, letting it hang past your shoulders in a teasing manner. at this point, he just wants to rip it off you. but all he manages is a guttural groan before running his hands up and down your thighs.

“you’re driving me insane, baby.”

you giggle softly at his words, the sound ringing in his ears and going straight to his cock.

“i love you.” you tell him sweetly and kiss him again. then you plant your hands flat against his lower abdomen where his abs are, lifting yourself off him until only his head is left stretching you open.

yukhei grunts when you drop back down slowly and start riding him at a hypnotic rhythm. he’s too overwhelmed to say a word, too entranced by your breathy moans and the lewd image of your chest rising and falling.

you’re clenching around him in such a delicious way that all he can do is knead your asscheeks with his large hands and let out deep “uh-uh-uh”s.

“fuck,” yukhei hisses as he watches you arch your back, moving you hips differently to get the perfect angle.

“let me take over, baby.”

yukhei plants his feet flat on the mattress just as he feels a familiar tight feeling in his balls. you oblige right away and collapse against him, ready for him to fuck you senseless.

pressed chest to chest, he grips onto your ass firmly as he starts pounding into you from below.

the scent of passion and desire wafted through the air. his cock leaves and enters you at a brutal pace, the sound of skin slapping only getting more erratic with your cries for his name right by his ear.

“yukhei…” you cry weakly as his tip nudges your sweet spot again and again.

“i’m here, baby. gonna come inside you, you want that?”

“y-yes. miss you filling me up.”

yukhei curses, and you reach your high just seconds before he does. your entire body shakes in pleasure before he comes into you, flooding your insides with his warm release. he groans as you ride out your high and roll your hips, the feeling of you being warm and full all too heavenly.

after a short while of nothing but heavy breathing as the both of you succumb to a blissful state, yukhei removes the jacket hanging off your elbows and rolls you over with his softening cock still snug in you. he hums in satisfaction, nuzzling his face against your neck as your fingers comb through his hair.

“i love you.” yukhei sighs contentedly. “didn’t get to say it back just now.”

he hears you hum softly and feels a peck on his forehead. when he gains the energy to pull back and look at you, he finds your eyes already on him, half-open in adoration.

“i’ll clean us up, okay?” yukhei asks softly, his elbows pressing against the mattress as he moves to get up. he’s sure there’s already a mess on your sheets.

“no, don’t go.” you murmured, tightening your thighs around his hips in an attempt to lock him in place. you end up pushing him deeper into you instead, making him hiss. “stay like this for a bit.”

yukhei notes the clinginess in your voice and the way your hands trace love patterns along the curves of his back. he lies back down, joining your lips in a deep kiss.

“i’m not going anywhere.”

it’s so easy for him to do whatever you say, he realises. you have him wrapped around your finger because you’re just as clingy as he is — and only he gets to see that side of you.

yukhei had sex with you for the first time in a hotel overlooking the ocean.

it had been his first holiday with you. every december, yukhei would fly back to his mum’s hometown in thailand with his family to visit his relatives — that wasn’t anything new. what was new though, was you tagging along after his mum had enthusiastically asked you to join them.

the week-long trip was the most fun yukhei had in years. minus the shy introductions and teasing from his relatives who were overjoyed to finally meet his pretty girlfriend whom they’ve heard much about over phone calls, it was like a mini honeymoon for the two of you.

after catching up with his cousins in the first half of the trip, yukhei spent all the other days ‘having fun by yourselves’ as his mum had insisted. you ended up exploring the coastal town, hanging out at the beach, and eating the local food to your heart’s content.

the highlight of the trip for yukhei though, was finally being able to make love to you. the resort stay was a godsend opportunity after the many interruptions during your steamy makeout sessions in yukhei’s tiny bedroom. it was the perfect time and place that you both needed.

yukhei swore you were a goddess as you laid on the bed with your legs spread out, your hair fanned out against the pillows, patiently waiting for him to put the condom on.

it was his first time seeing all of you, your curves and body marks displayed to him like a work of art in a museum. he couldn’t look away, couldn’t ignore how rosy your face was from coming apart on his fingers just minutes earlier.

“is this okay?” yukhei asked tenderly, pausing when he stretched you out halfway. “can i go deeper, baby?”

you nodded fervently though the tense look on your face made yukhei unsure. he really wanted you to enjoy this too. sensing his hesitation, you pulled him down for a deep kiss.

“so tight, fuck—” yukhei mumbles against your lips as he pushed himself further into you, his hands caressing the underside of your thighs.

yukhei sighed, the pressure to not come quickly making him slightly nervous. it was difficult not to when your walls were warm and hugging his cock like a glove, letting him experience euphoria like never before.

“beautiful.” his voice gentle as he gave you an open-mouthed kiss. “all mine.”

as soon as you signalled for him to move, yukhei took charge, thrusting into you slowly as he gauged your reaction. his pace quickened after a while a combination of sighs and moans spilled from your mouth. your neck arched against the pillows, presenting him with the perfect location for a love mark.

but yukhei was distracted. he couldn’t take his eyes off your soaking core, couldn’t get over the way you stretched open to welcome him each time his cock slid all the way back in. he had seen his fingers disappear in you before so many times, but this image was incomparable.

“so deep,” you said breathlessly, your fingernails digging crescent moons into his back.

yukhei looked at you. from the hair that stuck to the side of your neck to your lashes fluttered shut in pleasure, you were a sight to behold.

“yeah?” he kissed you sloppily. “does it feel good?”

“yes—oh!” you whimpered just as yukhei’s fingertips landed on the sensitive bundle of nerves right above where you and him were connected.

he drew circles on it with his thumb, groaning when you clenched around him. “you feel so good around me too, baby. you’re doing so well.”

yukhei’s thrusts grew uneven as he coaxed you into your orgasm. by the time he shot his release into the rubber, you came undone beneath him too, crying out in rapture one last time as your thighs shook intensely.

a moment of silence hung in the air as your pants slowly faded into deep and slow inhalations. seeing you come all over him, because of him, gave yukhei’s ego a huge boost. it didn’t help that you were trembling in sensitivity while he cleaned you up as gently as he could and muttered praises into your ear.

“yukhei,” you called him softly and he halted his movements, worried that he had accidentally hurt you.

“i don’t know if i can go out tomorrow.” you mumbled, covering your eyes with the back of your hand.

yukhei instantly relaxed, a smirk taking over his face as he threw the wet wipes aside. “we don’t have to go out, but i can carry you wherever you like.”

when you didn’t respond, he crawled over you and pulled your hand away. you avoided his gaze, looking at his chest instead.

“i’m serious, baby.” yukhei tilted your chin up and looked into your eyes as genuinely as he could. “we can stay in all day if you want.”

“okay. sounds nice.” your hand quickly hovered over your face again.

the smirk on yukhei’s face softened into a smile. it was amusing and adorable to him, how you could still be this shy after the night’s events. he felt as if he was in heaven and within the next second, he was placing kisses everywhere on your face but your lips. when you broke into a fit of giggles, yukhei couldn’t help but keep going. he finally stopped when your hands framed his jaw, guiding his plump lips back to yours for a short, innocent kiss.

“thank you for being so patient with me tonight.” you paused, swallowing a lump down your throat. “it was nice even though i’m a little sore now.”

yukhei’s heart grew three times at your words.

“is that all? just nice?” he smirked.

you pinched his bicep playfully and hid your face again, muttering something about him being so annoying.

“i’m playing with you,” yukhei giggled, pretty sure he had hearts in his eyes as he looked at you. “love seeing you get all shy for me like this.” and with that, he pulled your hands apart and trapped them against the pillows.

just as he was about to kiss away the pout on your lips, the sound of a door slamming shut thundered down the hallway and echoed in the room, sending both of you into speechlessness.

yukhei put his boxers on hurriedly, rushing to the balcony and sighing in relief when he noticed the lights in the next room a distance away had just turned on — a sign that his parents, who had been out the entire evening, have just gotten back. at that moment, he couldn’t be more thankful that his plans for the night turned out well. he wouldn’t know how to face his parents if they overheard him and you, and just the sheer thought of it brought goosebumps to his arms.

“are they back?” you asked nervously, pulling the covers up to your chin.

yukhei nodded, turning the bedside lamp off before cuddling up to you. “we have to be quiet.”

“oh, we will be.” you yawned, making him smile and hug you more tightly. you responded by wiggling around in his embrace. “yukhei, i’m sticky.”

“don’t care.” he whispered against your skin. “just wanna hold my baby like this.”

after a few more indulgent kisses and sweet nothings were exchanged under the moonlight, you dozed off in each other’s arms.

the next morning, yukhei woke up to the sound of waves crashing onto the shore. you were already awake and sitting up with the covers wrapped around you as you silently admired the swaying palm trees outside. yukhei sat up sluggishly, planting a kiss on your shoulder.

you turned around to return a kiss to his lips, eyes still closed when you pulled away, the intimacy of last night clearly still in the air. you opened your eyes, looking completely lost in him just like he was in you.

“good morning to you too.”

the rest of the day was slow and relaxed. you both agreed to stay in the resort, and so the afternoon flew by as you lounged by the pool and dined at the restaurant next to the beach. safe to say, the sight of you in a bikini all day led to another intimate, even raunchier night.

yukhei thinks he’s ready to move in with you.

maybe it sounds a little impulsive. but that’s because there haven’t been a lot of opportunities for the two of you to live together, with yukhei studying at another university and you living in a shared apartment over the past few years.

but staying at your apartment over these few days has given yukhei a sneak peek of life under the same roof as you, and he loves it so much that he wants to be done with his enlistment duties and fast forward to the part where he gets to share a home with you already.

yukhei wants to wake up past noon on weekends and whip up a hearty brunch with you, wants to spend the rest of the day helping you with mundane tasks like laundry and watering all your plants.

yukhei wants to be there for you on days where you’re exhausted from grad school life, when you turn down his pleas for you to take a break despite being drained from staring at your laptop screen. but he’ll massage your tensed shoulders, take your glasses off, and pull you to bed where you doze off to his soothing back rubs and soft praises of how proud of you he is and how well you’re doing.

he craves that kind of domesticity even right now as you lay on top of him, your limbs entangled comfortably and your cheek squished against his chest while your eyes are glued to the great gatsby playing on the tv.

there aren’t any plans to go out today due to the simple fact that you were both too lazy to get dressed and leave the house unless it’s for food. and probably because, though you wouldn’t admit it openly, you want him all to yourself — which is fine because yukhei feels the exact same towards you.

the living room is hushed as you and him watch a drenched gatsby reunite with daisy in a lavishly decorated flower-filled cottage. you sit up just as the scene ends, elbowing the couch as you rest your chin on your palm.

“why are you looking at me like that?” yukhei asks. there’s an unsure look on your face that he can’t quite read.

“i think i remember.” you hold your other hand up, flashing the ring that has been making you so happy. “thailand?”

yukhei grins brightly, the top row of his teeth showing. he nods proudly, taking your hand in his to look at the ring — a thin gold band with a pale blue sapphire — and admire the way it gleams in the afternoon sunlight.

it’s just as beautiful as the first time he saw it in that gift shop in thailand.

yukhei remembers that day vividly. it was the last day of the trip, and both of you were shopping around for souvenirs for your friends back home. he caught you admiring a few vintage jewellery pieces by yourself as he stood in the corner of one of the many shops you stepped into that day, pretending to be interested in some touristy postcards. though it didn’t seem like much to him at first, he later noticed that you picked up the same ring a few times, looking back at it even as you walked away.

eventually, thanks to what he could say in his broken thai, he managed to charm the shop owner into reserving that very ring for him. yukhei secretly returned for them while you thought you were waiting for him to be done in the bathroom at a cafe. he felt a little bad at first, but he knew it had to be done or else he’d regret it so much in the years to come.

yukhei always imagined what the ring would look like on your finger. its design enthralled him when he first examined it up close and he quickly understood why you took such a liking to it — after all, anything vintage was right up your alley. little did he know it would look even more beautiful sitting on your ring finger.

“oh my god.” you let out a huff of disbelief as soon as he finishes explaining everything.

you’re speechless as your eyes flick back and forth between the ring and the coy look on yukhei’s face. this is the reaction he has been waiting for.

“yukhei.” your voice is fragile, like you’re about to cry any moment.

the smirk on yukhei’s face drops immediately. he does not like hearing his name from you like that.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” you smile weakly, quickly brushing away the tears that escaped your eyes with the back of your hand. “i just love you so much.”

“and i’m going to miss you. a lot.” you continue before he gets to reply. “every day. all over again. i miss you already.”

“oh, baby.” yukhei croons as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you down for a tight hug. he rubs your back, feeling helpless at the sound of your sniffles.

yukhei knew this would happen. of course he did. he’s struggling just as much as you are to ignore the impending distance you’ll both have to deal with again — maybe that’s why he was clinging onto the idea of a future with you so tightly.

“we’ve talked about this. the sooner the better, right? ” yukhei says sadly, finding it hard to agree with himself.

“i know, i’m just being emotional again. i’m sorry.” you chuckle unhumorously. “i didn’t think i’d get to see you before the year ends, you know? but you came back. you’re actually here and i’m so happy.”

“and,” you prop your arm up on his chest, the promise ring once again in yukhei’s view. a moment passes as the two of you stare at it — the symbol of your love and future.

“i love you so much. i want to live the rest of my life with you, like the past few days.” you say resolutely.

yukhei is overwhelmed with happiness, love, and nostalgia all at once. suddenly he’s transported back to that park where you first kissed as teenagers, where he first found out that you liked him too. but loving someone and knowing that they love you back so much so that they want to be with you forever is something so much more special. it’s a privilege yukhei never thought he’d have.

and now, he does. as he looks into your eyes, he realises that you’ve blessed him with that privilege, and that you’re truly the best thing that has ever happened to him.

yukhei finds himself unable to express in words just how he feels at this moment. so he shifts your bodies around until you’re lying side by side, until all he sees is your face up close. he cups your tear-streaked cheeks before softly brushing his lips against yours, sinking in the warmth that blossoms in his chest.

“i love you.” he says delicately when he pulls away, tugging a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “i’m so glad the universe chose you for me.”

the fond smile on your face falters as a tear rolls down your cheek and your bottom lip begin to quiver, the violins playing in the long-forgotten movie adding more melancholy than needed to this moment.

yukhei’s heart breaks as he watches you avoid his gaze and desperately blink away the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. but he knows that you two will make it, that the distance is merely temporary. and he knows you know it too. what you and him have is so strong.

“hey, look at me.” he whispers.

you turn towards him, your eyes curiously examining his face.

“i’m gonna come home. to you.” yukhei places a kiss on your forehead. “and it won’t be long. think about it baby, i’ll be out this time next year and we could be living together by then.”

“i can’t wait for that.”

“me too. you’ll get to wake up next to me everyday, but you’ll have to teach me how to not burn our pancakes for breakfast until they’re perfect.”

at last, the corners of your lips twitch and you chuckle into the sleeve of your sweater.

“how does that sound?”

“waking up to you everyday or the pancakes?”

“me coming home. and us living together.”

“like a dream come true.”

a moment passes as you smile at each other in a placid silence.

yukhei cups the side of your face with one hand, brushing over your cheekbone and memorising every little detail that adorned your face and made him feel at home no matter where he is. you lean into his touch, reveling in the warmth of his palm.

the fact that he only has one more day until he will have to wait months before he gets to be with you like this again makes his heart swell in longing. so he holds you close, enjoying the moment while he still can.

the first time yukhei told you he loved you, it was an accident — not really.

that morning, he was awoken by a ball of fur nuzzling against his bare shoulder.

he opened his eyes, looking around the room for a good minute before spotting a familiar siamese cat that was perched at the foot of the bed and observing him with its soft gloomy eyes like it had been waiting for him to wake up for the longest time.

“good morning, louis.”

the cat meowed once as if announcing its disappointment in yukhei before hopping off the bed and making its grand exit by squeezing through the slim door gap.

yukhei shrugged, reaching for his phone that had been charging on the nightstand right by the bed. a quick look at the time and date on his lock screen refreshed his memory, vaguely reminding him of the events of the night before.

he crashed against the mattress and let out a muffled groan into the pillows, shuddering at the thought of how much alcohol he had downed. he was absolutely regretting his idea of not having a birthday party, but instead an entire night of drinking to celebrate turning his legal age.

his final hours of being seventeen were fun, though. ten, kunhang, and a couple of other friends brought him to an upscale steakhouse located in the city’s nightlife district. but like every other boys’ night out, the night eventually descended into borderline chaos. in last night’s case, they went through too many rounds of drinking games and yukhei soon came to the realisation that he was the type to get all giggly and sappy when intoxicated.

yukhei threw the covers over himself and ignored the dryness in his throat, ready to slip back into slumber but he couldn’t. something felt off. he grabbed his phone again and there you were, smiling back at him in his lockscreen wallpaper.

oh no.

flashbacks of how he had asked for you last night and proudly claimed that you were “the one” for him came running back to him. he quickly unlocked his phone, checking his text messages.

[to: ♥][sent at 1:55AM]

hey baaby

baby

i miss u ;(

ii'm still with ten and. kunhang

he mahde me drink so muhch hheheehe

babyy reply me plz

i can seee u readin all of thiks :(

i miss You

[from: ♥][sent at 1:56AM]

oh my god yukhei

are you okay?

wru now???

[to: ♥][sent at 1:58AM]

hi bab

im OK

at tens place now…

he has 2 catss. theyre so Cute

anyway

i need to tell u sometxhing

its rneally imbportant

and that is i love u

u make me so happi

u r so pretttyjf n soooo smart

ur alsoreally kind.. lwiterally an angel

hdeheheheheheee

im so lucky to be youre boyfrjend

becayuse i get to see Ur smile everyyday. hold your hand whenegver i want

onlyi can call u Baby

did u know ?

i bet u djd not ;)

i l o v e LOVE you

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[incoming call from: ♥]

declined.

[incoming call from: ♥]

declined.

[from: ♥][sent at 2:00AM]

why aren’t you picking up yukhei

you’re making me worried now

are you okay :(

[to: ♥][sent at 2:15AM]

hey _____, ten here. don’t worry about xuxi! he just passed out on my couch.

[attachment: 1 image]

i’m just gonna let him crash here tonight since my parents aren’t back anyway. feel free to pop by in the morning btw, i think he would be really happy. and sorry for texting you at this hour!! goodnight :D

yukhei stared at his phone screen blankly, the jumbled letters of his drunk texts burning into his eyes. there was also that picture of him sprawled across the leather couch in ten’s living room in deep slumber, with his shirt completely unbuttoned and a party hat strapped to his forehead like a unicorn.

“morning, birthday boy.”

yukhei’s heart jumped. he jammed his thumb against the button on the side of his phone, turning around to find ten’s head poking out of the door.

“how are you feeling?” ten asked. yukhei sat up immediately when he saw a glass of water in his friend’s hand. “like shit, i’m guessing.”

ten sat himself down at the foot of the bed, handing the water to an eager yukhei who gulps it all at one go.

“close enough. i feel like i’ve been run over by a bus.” yukhei replied, coughing to clear the raspiness in his voice.

ten hummed. “well, your girl came over with a lot of food. i think you’ll feel better after eating.”

yukhei’s eyes widened, his voice lowering into a whisper. “she’s here? now?”

“sort of. she went out to get coffee with guanheng but they should be back soon.” ten narrowed his eyes at yukhei, trying to read the look on his face. “what’s wrong?”

“nothing.”

“uh huh.” ten snorted. “you suck at lying.”

“okay, fine. i might have spammed her with some texts last night while i was wasted.”

“oh yeah, i saw those. you were crying for her for at least thirty minutes last night by the way.”

“fuck.” yukhei let out a groan. “let’s not talk about that. not now please, ten-ge.”

“okay, okay.” ten smirked. “only because it’s your birthday. now, continue.”

“i told her i love her. like, love love her.”

“oh.” ten paused, his expression fading into one of confusion. “wait, i don’t get it. is that a bad thing?”

“no, no. it’s not.” yukhei cut in quickly, glancing at the door every few seconds nervously. “it’s just—i haven’t told her that before!” he whisper-shouted.

“i don’t know how she reacted to it! what if she doesn’t feel the same?”

ten burst into laughter right away, his eyes squinting into crescents. “oh, xuxi. you’re so cute when you’re in love, you know?”

“i really don’t think you have to worry about her not feeling the same. but i do think you should go tell her in person soon.”

yukhei blinked, relaxing a little when he realised that ten was probably right. the older male grinned, ruffling yukhei’s bed hair playfully before leaving the room.

in less than five minutes the door swung open again, and yukhei tensed a little when he saw you, almost as if he had seen a ghost. he didn’t realise you were back already and had been planning to sit in anxiety by himself for thirty more minutes.

“you okay?” you chuckled as you walked over and sat next to him.

yukhei hummed as you cradled the side of his face with one hand, your thumb smoothing away the drool crust on the corner of his lips that he didn’t even realise had been there.

“someone clearly had a lot of fun last night.”

yukhei’s lips curled into a silly, crooked smile as you crossed your arms and pouted. your attempt at guilt-tripping him had failed completely, it endeared you instead and suddenly he felt like his drunk self bombarding you with all those confessions last night.

your lips eventually cracked into a huge grin. you threw your arms around his shoulders, doing your best to engulf his big frame in a tight hug which made yukhei chuckle. he loved it whenever you hugged him like that or let him be the small spoon when you cuddled.

“happy birthday bub.” you coo dearly, giving each of his cheeks a loud smooch which made his face scrunch up adorably. “are you sure you’re okay?”

“thank you, baby.” yukhei smiled, his mind completely free from his worries already. “i’m okay, just a little hungry.”

“well, it just so happens that there are loads of yummy things waiting outside. maybe even some of your favourite desserts.” you smirked enticingly as you grabbed his hand and stood up. “c’mon, let’s go eat.”

“wait.” yukhei’s breathing stuttered, pulling you back quickly. “i need to tell you something.”

you moved into the spot between his legs, waiting for him to say something as your hands hung in the air intertwined.

“what is it?” you asked.

yukhei looked up at you, taking in the curious smile on your face. it brought so much joy and warmth to his life and he could never get tired of seeing that.

“i love you.” yukhei said, each word rolling off his tongue so naturally. “all those texts i sent you last night? i meant every single word. i love you, _____.”

your eyes were glossy as you relaxed a little, sinking into his touch when he clasped his arms around your thighs to pull you closer. yukhei could tell you were recalling all those cheesy texts as you bit your lip shyly.

he closed his eyes just as you bent down to slot your lips against his in the most delicate way possible before whispering those three words back, as if they were only for him to hear.

“i love you too, yukhei. you make me so happy.”

“say it again.” yukhei asked, his voice laced with desperation even though he knew it was the first of many ‘i love you’s to come.

your cheek was soft and warm in the palm of his hand. you grinned, closing the distance between your lips once more.

“i love you.”

it was the best birthday gift yukhei had ever received.

as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end.

in yukhei’s case, the past five days have flown by quickly and alas, it is the penultimate day of his short vacation.

but he’s more than satisfied with how the week has gone by despite how short it felt. he managed to visit his family, catch up with his closest friends, recover all the hours of sleep he had lost while on duty, and most importantly, be around you literally every day of this vacation so far. he woke up and slept next to you, cooked and ate all his favourite foods with you, and interrupted every other activity with sex and cuddling sessions — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. just looking back on those moments brought a smile to his face.

his thoughts are interrupted when the door to your bedroom opens and you walk in with a small stack of laundry in one hand.

”thank you baby.” he says, taking the clothes he had worn in the past few days, that are now clean, from you. they’re still warm from being fresh out of the dryer, and he gets a whiff of roses when he holds them under his nose.

“you’re very welcome.” you plop down right next to where he had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, packing his belongings.

as yukhei stuffs his sneakers deep into the bottom of his haversack, you look at all his other things that have been laid out neatly, side-by-side, on your bedroom rug. he doesn’t pay much attention as you pick up his wallet and entertain yourself with its contents.

“is this what i think it is?”

you ask, pulling out a small folded piece of paper that was stuffed into one of the card compartments. the look of curiosity on your face morphs into one of surprise as soon as you unfold it completely and realise what it is.

“you keep this in your wallet?”

it’s one of the few handwritten letters you mailed to him during his first month in camp when he, like every one of his teammates, had zero access to their phones and gadgets.

yukhei still remembers how tough that period of time was. being thrown into a whole new environment and expected to adjust to a lifestyle that was the complete opposite of university life was not easy at all. not only was his freedom snatched away, he had to deal with a long list of strict rules and responsibilities dumped onto him. and as if all that wasn’t enough, he had to witness his newly-made friends live through the countless military break-up horror stories he heard from his seniors.

it was a lot, but he got through each day thanks to the camaraderie he shared with his team and those letters you had mailed him, since they were the only form of communication he had with you.

“yeah. it got me through some tough times, you know.” yukhei admits, watching you read through your own words.

each letter was detailed with updates on your life and things his mum told you to convey to him. they all ended with a short paragraph of best wishes and sweet words which yukhei appreciated very much because he was absolutely sick of hearing about duty and honour.

yukhei had no idea he was so sentimental. he’d reread those letters in your voice, stare at your handwriting, and hold it up to his nose to get the faint scent of your perfume. it was like a piece of you — which was what he needed to fight the homesickness gnawing at him.

“maybe you should write to me.” you mumble, refusing to look at him as you slid the letter back into his wallet. “i mean, if you’re not too busy. i would love getting mail from you even though we can text and facetime now.”

“i’ll try to, baby.” yukhei smirks. “my good morning and goodnight texts not enough for you?”

“no,” you drawl, rolling your eyes playfully. “i love waking up to a bunch of heart and rose emojis.”

yukhei laughs, going back to packing his things while you roll his clothes into bundles that would help him save space. after a short while of teamwork between you two, his haversack is stuffed and he’s done.

“don’t forget these,” you hand him his leather glasses case that had been sitting on your bedside table. then you’re on your feet, pacing around the room as your eyes scan every inch of the space, looking out for anything he might’ve missed.

“i’ve looked everywhere earlier.” yukhei tells you before getting on his feet too. he stretches his arms high above him and lets out a silent yawn. “i think that’s it.”

“okay.” you answer in a small voice.

now that you’re done helping him pack, there’s just one last thing left to do and it just happens to be the hardest task of all — you’ll have to say goodbye to him this time, tomorrow, at the train station.

that realisation settles between the two of you, once again compelling yukhei to make the most out of the time he has left. with a sad smile he holds his arms out, instantly drawing you into his embrace like a moth of a flame. you squish your cheek against him, hands locked behind his back as he hugs you warm and securely.

“you need to stop working out so much, your abs are hard enough.” your voice comes out slightly muffled. “by the time you’re out, i’m gonna be hugging a rock.”

yukhei grins at your words, bursting into full-blown giggles when your fingers poke into his sides and smooth across his tummy. the faint muscle lines that were there before he enlisted were now more defined, some even visible through the cotton fabric of his t-shirt.

“you say that like i have a choice, baby.” he replies. “i can’t just sit aside while everyone else does seventy push-ups and ten laps around the field.”

you let out a disgruntled noise and hugged him even tighter, as if you were trying to mold your body into his.

“and you like it. admit it.” yukhei teases.

“i do.” you murmur. “you smell so good, by the way.”

yukhei giggles at how quickly you switched the topic.

“it’s that detergent you’re using. i wish my clothes smelled this nice when i’m there.”

“i’m talking about you, bub. the way you smell. my hoodie doesn’t smell like that anymore.”

“the way i smell?” yukhei laughs. “and i think you mean my hoodie.”

“it’s been mine for a while now.”

“well, wanna give it back to me? since it lost its purpose.”

“okay. i’ll trade it for this shirt.”

you tug on the hem of his shirt as you look up at him, eagerly waiting for his response. it’s moments like this where yukhei wonders if you know you have him in the palm of your hand.

“whatever you want, baby. i’ll give it to you.”

the lovestruck smile on his face widens as he places a kiss on your forehead, drawing circles on your back.

“can i have it now then?” you ask innocently, but yukhei’s ears pick up the hint of playfulness in your tone.

“right now?” he asks.

“yeah. what’s stopping you?”

“oh, i’ll give it to you now.” yukhei tells you lowly.

the cheeky smile on your face morphs into an ‘o’ shape as his grip on your waist tightens, guiding you towards the bed where you both crash against the mattress. there’s a moment of silence as he hovers over you, suavely tugging his shirt off with one hand and dropping the crumpled fabric next to your face.

“thanks.” you whisper.

it’s hard to ignore the way your core is perfectly aligned with his when you’re lying underneath him in a hoodie and a pair of grey boyshorts that have been testing his patience for a while now.

yukhei runs his hands up your thighs to your sides, bunching the hoodie up to your chest. wet open-mouthed kisses are left all over the smooth expanse of your tummy and he takes delight in how hard you’re breathing.

“it’s no problem, baby.” he replies nonchalantly, his fingers pulling at the waistband of your boyshorts. “anything else you want before i take this off?”

you shake your head and shoot him a silly smile, and it’s all yukhei can remember before he embarks on yet another mission to please you with his mouth. then he makes love to you again, his warm touch roaming every inch of your body which he memorises to perfection.

later, when you’re both sated and holding onto each other like two long-lost lovers, yukhei dreams of you again. this time, he’s hiding another velvet box in an even bigger bouquet of roses as he sits nervously in a dimly lit living room, waiting to surprise you when you get home.

the thought of you being his forever is enough to make him smile in reality, enough to push him through the upcoming months of separation. yukhei was more than ready to be done with that.

it’s only been a minute since you’ve gotten home but the place already feels too big for one person — which is laughable because your apartment isn’t even that huge to begin with. now that yukhei is gone, it feels as if life has been sucked out of these four walls. it has reverted back to nothing more than a roof over your head and a living space for one.

after hanging your coat up and stepping out of your shoes, you stroll to the kitchen and lean against the counter, staring into thin air with the refrigerator whirring softly behind you.

even though it’s only three in the afternoon, it has been an awfully long day for you. the few hours you spent outside drained you and all you did was sit at a restaurant with yukhei and his family for one last meal before sending him off at the train terminal.

the meal was nice and the send-off was not as bad as you thought it would be. but it was still an emotional farewell and you shed a few tears despite it being nowhere as difficult as the first time he had to leave you.

you and yukhei stood at the train platform hand in hand until the train finally arrived and came to a stop in front of everyone.

you let ten and kun attack your boyfriend with their bro hugs first, followed by mrs wong who affectionately caressed her son’s face and repeated her fifth “take care of yourself, my little soldier boy” of the day, and lastly, a less-emotional mr wong who gave his son a few encouraging pats on the back.

looking around, you were filled with dread as you watched the same thing happen with every other soldier who was hugging their loved ones and waving goodbye to them.

when everyone left and when it was just you and him again, yukhei instantly pulled you into his arms, clearly just as reluctant as you are to face this moment.

this was it.

he pulled back, cupping your cheeks and smiling at you forlornly. you stared back at him, taking in how smart he looked in his uniform and the beret framing his beautifully sunkissed face, and mustered all the strength in you to not cry.

it was impossible. tears swelled in your eyes within seconds and you couldn’t help it, the harder you tried to force them away, the more they wanted to spill out. you silently chided yourself for how naive you were to have wished for a tear-free farewell.

“don’t cry, baby.” yukhei pleaded softly, his big eyes looking watery too. “remember what i said?”

you swiped your tears away with the sleeve of your turtleneck and nodded frantically, not trusting your voice at the moment.

“i’m gonna come home to you. we’re going to live our lives together.”

his voice was soft yet grounded with conviction, calming you down instantly and offering you the consolation you needed.

“i’ll be waiting for you.” your voice croaked and you rolled your eyes at how pathetic it sounded.

“i know you’ll be.” yukhei smiled, gently stroking your back. “and you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.”

“something else i get to look forward to.”

you tightened your arms around him, closing your eyes to really savour what it felt like to be in his arms one last time before forcing yourself to let go.

yukhei interlocked your hand with his, pressing a kiss to the back of it and stealing a glance at your favourite ring.

“i love you so much.” you said, adjusting the collar of his uniform thoughtfully. “eat well and be safe, okay? don’t worry about me. you know you can call me—”

he intercepted you with a long kiss to your lips, letting go only when you pinched his arm. unlike him, you weren’t bold enough to be this affectionate in public.

“i will.” yukhei answered breathlessly. “promise me you’ll sleep early and not overwork yourself while i’m away. i need you to take care of yourself too.”

“i promise.” you mumbled, locking your pinky with his as you looked around anxiously. “you should get going now. don’t want you missing your train.”

he squeezed your hand to bring your attention back to him. “i love you.”

“love you too.”

and with a final kiss to your lips, his hand loosened from yours, reaching for his haversack on the ground and swinging it over his shoulder in one go.

“text me once you’ve settled down?”

“i will, baby.”

after one last peck to your forehead, he turned around and trudged towards the edge of the train platform, where kunhang had been taking pictures with his sisters while waiting. you stood rooted to the ground as you watched your boyfriend’s figure become smaller, waving at him when he turned around to look at you one final time before getting onto the train.

ten and kun kindly gave you a lift home afterwards. you nearly teared up again when you walked past the parking lot and spotted the two of them patiently waiting for you in the comfort of their heated car. on the way home, they even made dinner plans and insisted you didn’t spend the rest of the day alone — which you were extremely grateful for.

you still have a few hours to yourself before meeting them, and it dawns on you that you should probably take a short nap after the sad amount of sleep you got last night. so you force yourself to stop moping and drag yourself to your bedroom to find a comfy set of clothes.

you spend what feels like hours under the hot shower that by the time you step out of the steamy bathroom, the skin of your fingers are wrinkly. just as you start combing your hair, your phone buzzes, its screen lighting up to show you a single notification.

you whisk it off the table, gaping at the sight of yukhei’s name staring back at you.

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

hey baby i miss you ♥

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

miss you too :(

you guys back there already?

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

we’re still on the train

i didn’t get to nap. kunhang snored so loudly :(

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

poor baby…

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

it’s fine

your boyfriend is a strong man. a day without a nap is nothing :D

you snort at his reply. the typing icon appears next to his name so you wait for his next text.

[from: yukhei][sent as 4:12PM]

anyway, i left a surprise in your desk drawer for you

i think you already know what it is ;)

you don’t.

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:12PM]

i hope you like it baby ♥

you never know what to expect from yukhei because he’s always surprising you with the sweetest, most meaningful gestures. even the story behind your promise ring has you in wonder still. when you pull open the drawer and realise just what he had left for you, a huge grin spreads across your face and you take a second to appreciate the sight of it. he was truly something else.

there, carefully placed on top of the paperwork you had kept in the drawer, is an envelope with your name on it.

“yeah. you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.”

you reach for it, immediately peeping inside when you notice it’s unsealed. there was indeed a letter as yukhei had promised. you recognize the lined paper that he clearly tore off from one of your notebooks and assume he wrote this secretly while you were sleeping. the mental image of that melts your heart.

to _____, my favourite girl in the world.

i have been staring at this blank piece of paper for ten minutes now while you’re sleeping so peacefully. i still don’t know what i should write for my first letter, so here’s an old-fashioned love letter from your admirer for life, your boyfriend, and your future husband: me <3

you giggle to yourself like an idiot. it’s funny how a single paragraph could switch your mood instantly, how yukhei manages to make you happy even though he’s so far away now.

was that too cheesy? i’m sorry. you know i’m not a poetic person even though i wish i am. you’ll probably laugh as you read on but that’s okay, because i want you to be happy whenever you read this.

so where should i begin?

how about the first time we met? when i saw you sitting at the back of mum’s restaurant, i had butterflies in my stomach (is this how that phrase goes?) and quickly hid in the kitchen. do you remember?

the smile on your face grew as you continued reading yukhei’s letter. it spoke of the vivid details of all your firsts in your relationship, of the little habits you have that he adores. of the warmth and safeness he feels when he’s around you, of how in awe and inspired he is by you — and how lucky he is to get to experience all that for the past few years and hopefully, the rest of his life.

by the time you reach the end, you’re laughing and crying. you miss him so much.

i love you, _____. nothing else matters. you’re the light of my life and i hope i can keep making you feel the way you make me feel: safe, happy, and loved.

until we meet again,

wong yukhei

p.s. i hope you’re not crying. and if you are i really hope it’s because i made you laugh too much.

you reread the letter again, letting his voice linger in your head for a bit because you’re not ready to let it go yet. then you laid on the bed for a good fifteen minutes as you stared at the ceiling with his letter clasped to your chest, yearning for his presence all over again.

it’s going to be fine, you tell yourself. you can handle a few months without him. after all, you already have. and he’s never completely away from you, you realise, as you hold your hand up and admire the gorgeous ring shining in the afternoon sunlight.

for now, that’ll do.

305 notes · View notes

thechangeling · 3 years

Note

I was reading your co-signing the narrative post- great post btw- and your thoughts on Kit Lightwood helped me figure out exactly what bothers me about the way other characters talk about and treat him.

So, there’s this kind of this running “joke” in TLH that Christopher’s interests are boring, that everyone else puts up with it him as though it’s this big nuisance, that everyone zones out hearing him talk… and on and on and on.*** And then there’s this scene where Grace is genuinely interested or at least not bringing him down about his self-expression and the things that bring him joy, and that’s romanticized as special when it’s really kind of the bare fuckin minimum. Like, I’m not saying James/Matthew/Thomas had to immerse themselves completely in every sciency detail but the constant “jokes” implying that Christopher’s work is boring or incomprehensible or not worth their time is just so tiring. There’s always an undercurrent of “Christopher’s just playing around uselessly” (which is not true and even when he’s having fun with his work then it’s still automatically WORTHY and VALUABLE because it makes him happy!) Not to mention this recurring problem directly contradicts the value that Christopher’s work has (beyond its inherent value) when he sends it into the world to literally save lives: the poison antidote, the fire messages that will probably come about in CoT.

And the thing is, the merry thieves’ disinterest is directly meant to foil grace’s interest in order to lend the Grace/Kit relationship a certain significance, as CC assigns to it. I’m not saying shared excitement over an interest/hobby/career/field/etc isn’t sweet platonically or romantically. I just really dislike how the idea CC is using is “no one else can bear to tolerate Kit’s ‘quirks’ but Grace, and that is Endearing, and so they are Soulmates (TM)” rather than the much healthier and positive idea that “Kit does cool sciencey stuff which his family and friends generally don’t share as strong a passion for but still don’t huff about it like it’s somehow a chore or a burden on them, and then Grace comes along and she does happen to share a similar passion and that’s the beginning of their ties to one another.” That second reasoning is what could make their friendship really refreshing; we don’t need ableism poorly twined into romance to enjoy that relationship.

I haven’t read TDA in a while but I’m thinking we could also find touches of this with Ty partly because so much of when we see him is from Kit’s POV? Not that Kit means harm or thinks himself heroic but CC on the other hand is a repeat offender in “abled/white/straight/cis character is ultimately and completely responsible for the salvation of disabled/POC/queer character in this aspect.” And I’m kind of half dreading the wicked powers for that reason among others …

I apologize if all this seems obvious or rambly. I do sometimes have trouble articulating things exactly but when I read your post i had a lightbulb moment and I wanted to note it down.

Have a great day!

***Side Note: this is why I really enjoy fan-created content that explores Christopher’s relationships with people (even people he didn’t interact with on-page in the canon) without that annoying and problematic aspect built into the framework of the relationship.

^^^^^^^^^THIS ALL OF THIS!!!!!!

Full disclosure this is gonna be kind of long sorry. But you have stumbled across my favourite topic to rant about. Allistic saviorism. Basically the name is pretty self explanatory. It's when an allistic person fictional or otherwise has the desire to or actively attempts to essentially "save" the autistic person from the horrors of the world or their life, or even themselves because they think that the autistic person isn't strong or capable enough to fix/handle it on their own. All of this is usually done for very self serving reasons. Part of this is also allistic people being praised as heroes for being nice to autistic people or asking them out, or loving them.

I don't neccesarily think that kitty is an allistic savior ship on it's own. I think that there are definitely peices of those beliefs scattered throughout the books and it might get worse in TWP. That's honestly something that I'm worried about too tbh. But honestly I think that the fandom made it a billion times worse.

This mainly allistic fandom wanted to romanticize the idea of Kit taking care of Ty and shouldering the burden of his "unpredictability." Kit is the only one who can get through to Ty. The only one who understands the mystery that is Ty 🙄. Some of this is canon too. For example, Ty can look Kit in the eye, he lets him touch him. He doesn't wear the headphones when Kit's around right? And Kit was able to calm him down during his meltdown.

And while some of this is really cute from a romantic perspective, it's also kinda problematic because it reeks of allistic saviorism. It promotes the idea that Kit is like Ty's "cure." And that's just impossible.

And honestly I know I've contributed to this in some ways. Because if I'm being perfectly honest with you, there's a part of me that enjoys that. The romantization of autism.

The idea of being taken care of.

The idea that someone could love an autistic person and see them as "beautiful" and "extraordinary" and all the things Kit calls Ty, was incredibly moving and appealing to me as a kid. It still is. Because I grew up on stories of charity cases and allistic saviorism making headlines with prom dates. I was super secretive about it, but I was always a romantic growing up. But I thought that it was impossible for me to have a real love story because people like me don't get that. (Not to get all sob story on you sorry. I overshare. It's an autistic thing.)

And there are some really compelling things about kitty that really do work. And I'm not trying to suggest that Kit learning to help Ty with the ...shall we say more colourful traits of his disability is a bad thing always. It's not. But I think the issue is with Ty's lack of pov and Ty's lack of a narrative in the books. It makes him seem like less of a completely developed character and more like, "Kit's" you know?

And because we don't have Ty's pov we don't really get what makes Kit have this sort of calming effect on him or why it's different. And more importantly we don't get why Ty's letting him in, we only get Kit pushing past his boundries. The entire thing becomes about Kit essentially and that's at the root of all allistic saviorism.

Also like you mentioned before, Kit is seen as special to a certain extent because he can handle Ty. That's not neccesarily something the character believes obviously, but again with CC co-signing the damn narrative with the way she makes the impact Kit has on Ty such a big deal in everyone's eyes and in QOAAD she really emphasizes the drain Ty's necromancy plan is taking on Kit, suddenly Ty's grief becomes all about Kit and with no pov from Ty, it's more allistic savior bs.

Honestly most of this isnt actually THAT bad it's just when you throw it all together and look at the ugly history and let's be honest present, of autistic people being silenced and spoken over by our caregivers and loved ones and we are treated like burdens on them, and how those people are praised for loving us, it kinda looks bad. But the fandom definitely made it worse.

I always get criticized for criticizing kitty by allistic people with, " well if you think they're so toxic then why do you even ship them?" Which is a piss poor take lacking in any nuance. An autistic person has the right to critique a dynamic involving an autistic character. More to the point, you can love something and be critical of it. I swear when this fandom finally figures that one out... we could accomplish so much.

I'm really hoping this is making sense it's like 2 in the morning. As for Grace and Christopher's dynamic I agree with you. I basically have nothing to add. Bare minimum. Should not be idolized. The way the others treat him should not just be brushed off as no big deal. It's ableism.

Basically it's just a bunch of classic mistakes that come from a neurotypical abled writer writing nd characters. Some mistakes are more damning then others. But it does make me scared for TWP.

I can only hope.

#kit x ty #christopher lightwood #ty blackthorn #tsc #tlh #tda #twp #the last hours #the dark artifices #the wicked powers #actuallyautistic #allistic saviorism #asks

36 notes · View notes

xmyshya · 3 years

Text

Bumpy road

summary: What if two of your favourite boys were pining after you? genre: angst, fluff, crack warnings: stupidity special thanks: the whole HQ Headquarters DS, for giving me ideas, for hyping up, for everything, I love you all. a/n: Colour coded! Red for Kuroo, Yellow for Atsumu, black for neutral/both! There's an Easter Egg! wc: 3.9k words

[April]

“Please take a seat in the last row”, your eyes followed an extended arm of your new homeroom teacher until they landed on a boy with the messiest bedhead you’d ever seen. He didn’t seem to pay much attention to you though, instead resting his eyes on a faraway point on the other side of the window. Until he heard the noise you made while shuffling your chair, that is. “Hiiiiii, I’m L/N Y/N, nice to meet you neighbour!”, a wide smile formed on your face. “Kuroo Tetsurou, nice to meet you too”.

One week later, you were standing on the gym's threshold, filling your lungs with a deep breath before taking the first step in as a new manager. Volleyball had never been a sport close to your heart, but you had had some experience with it, as well as basic knowledge, so you were up for a challenge. All the more reason to after being asked by an unexpectedly fun friend. And being able to spend more time with said friend. But more time spent on talking came with another consequence. You started hearing rumours and whispers. Things like wow, she’s really talking to him or oh, another victim to his charm reached your ears from everywhere. “Kuroo, am I not supposed to talk to you or something?”, slipped your lips one day. You might as well continue, since he already heard you and was now looking at you with a confusion clear in his eyes. “I just heard people being… surprised about this”. “Oh, apparently I’m either intimidating or hot enough to be a fuckboy”, you choked on your own saliva. “You’re what?” “Intimidating or hot, or both”, did he really say that with a straight face, not once but twice? You just burst out laughing, eyeing him up and down. “Sorry, where?”, laughter bending your body in half, you bumped your head against the desk. “Ouch”

[July]

School premises were swarmed with sweaty boys. Some of them were familiar, like Bokuto or Akaashi, who had been friends with Kuroo for quite a long time. You recognised Karasuno, also known as Country Bumpkins, due to a practice match 2 months prior. The rest? Well, you only knew they were parts of the Fukurodani group. There was a mock game going on, and you, being a diligent manager, observed every move of your teammates to give them performance feedback. Further into the game though, your eyes shifted more and more onto your best friend’s lifting shirt, every time he went for a block. Or spiked. Or served. And wow, his thigh muscles were really… “Okay people, time for a break!”, a shout somewhere near you brought you back to reality. You stood up and made your way to the door, to catch some fresh air, while you bumped into quite a firm body. Looking up revealed it was Kuroo. His smirk made you wonder if he noticed your stares. His wink convinced you he, in fact, did. “Y/N, your name should be Neon, cause daaaaaamn you’re a perfect 10” “So you must be Helium, cause I sure as hell want you on top of me on a table”, few people whistled. Oh shit. His reaction gave you an extra boost of confidence, because now it was painfully obvious that all the rumours about the man in front of you were pretty much it, rumours, since his ears could as well be beacons. You winked at him on your way back to the door, and he still stood there dumbfounded when you looked back after reaching it.

[October]

Something had changed. You couldn’t quite put a finger on what exactly, but it was different. Like a tiny heat wave whenever your hands brushed, and they brushed more often. Like an extra beat of your heart whenever you felt his touch on the small of your back. Like your eyes lingering on for a second longer, before dropping to each other’s lips. Like a blush tinting his ears when you smile at him. Or like the way his heart clenched, when your thick tears threatened to burn their way through his chest, because the world had been unfair to you once too many, while the only thing he could do was to hold you so tight and kiss the top of your head so gently.

[November]

Having to stay late at school really was a blessing, when it was just the two of you in an empty train compartment on your way home. Otherwise, you surely would be scolded or at least stared at, because the decibels of your laughters while fooling around were beyond socially acceptable limits. He was now chasing you, fingers threatening to tickle you once you’re caught… You started to turn just in time for your back to hit the wall, and you definitely didn’t expect him to be so close, with the way he hovered over you and his hand making a loud thud. Or maybe it was your heart. “Oh sorry, the train bumped”, there was something in his eyes that compelled you to look into them, even when he leaned on his forearm above your head. He was so close, you could almost feel his breath on your skin. “Are you sure it’s not you falling for me?”, a chuckle in your throat died instantly as you saw his eyes open wide in fear for a fraction of a second, before his usual cocky smirk curled his lips again. He booped your nose before leaning against the wall next to you. The rest of the way home was silent.

[January]

It was time for you to run to your own team’s match. There was no way to miss a game for a manager, even if it was just your presence serving as a support on court. Your eyes slipped down to your watch only for a moment, but it was enough for a disaster to occur. You felt your body clash with another. “I’m so-” “Watch where yer running, ya fucking idiot”, you really wanted to apologise, you really did. But obviously not anymore, not when the other person was shouting at you like that. “Excuse me?! And where the fuck did your eyes go, huh? And don’t you dare speak to me like that”, your finger digging relentlessly into this stranger’s chest, despite his posture being so much bigger than yours, rage boiling in your veins blocking successfully any feeling of intimidation. “Do ya have any idea who ya talkin’ to? Miya Atsumu of Inarizaki, ya pig”, he straightened up and lifted his chin, looking down at you with a half smirk. You, however, only raised a brow. “Ooohhhhh…”, you squint your eyes for a moment, tapping a finger on your slightly pouty lips. “Never heard of ya”, you gave him a wide smile as you continued your rushed steps towards another gym. “W-wait a sec!”, shit, you really didn’t have time for this, “I uhh, sorry? I thought ya were one of dem stalking fangals and uhh...”, it was clear he wasn’t used to apologising. “The way ya talked back at me was so freaking cool! Can I have yer number?” You were shocked that he dared asking you that after the insults he spouted. Even more so, when you found yourself tapping your digits into his phone.

Nekoma won the match. Not that it was surprising, you always believed in the boys, and you had believed in their plan. But now that the game was over, you were heading to have a sneak peek at your Crow friends. You didn’t expect the situation to be so dire. From the scoreboard, your eyes moved to their opponents and… oh shit. Preparing to serve was HIM, none other than self-proclaimed “THE” Miya Atsumu. He noticed you too, surely, because he was grinning your way and oh my god was it a wink? Because it definitely looked like a wink. The whole match was a pain to watch. It had you hyped, it had you devastated, it had you crying and laughing uncontrollably. But when Oranges finally won, indescribable joy overwhelmed you, while you screamed and jumped around. Sudden hand on the small of your back startled you, emotion quickly replaced with surprise and confusion when you saw Kuroo attached to it. He hadn’t touched you in 2 months. “C’mon, time for us to go”, he pushed you gently towards the door while staring down the blonde setter behind your back. His gaze said he was taking up the challenge.

In the evening, the whole team was gathered in front of the tv to watch repetitions, over and over again, and figure out a strategy. Honestly your focus only could last that long, mind already looking for distractions, when you heard a ding from your phone. [unknown]: Ya know, could’ve been less happy about our loss. ‘M heartbroken now. [Y/N]: That’s what you get for playing against my friends ;) who’s this, btw? [Miya]: Whaddya mean ‘who’?! It’s Miya Atsumu here! [Y/N]: Aaahhhhh… Never heard of him :D [Miya]: We gotta change it then “Maaaaan, I wish we could play against Miyas”, Yamamoto’s voice dragged you back into the room. “Yeah, me too”, Kuroo hissed through clenched teeth.

[February]

Recent weeks were crazy. Preparation for college entrance exams was consuming most of your time, along with your sanity. If only Kuroo was with you, he would surely tell you to take a short break, instead, your mind was spiraling into educational anxiety. Am I doing enough? What if I fail? What if I forget something? What if… the soft sound of a notification brought you down to Earth. Miya Atsumu sent you a friend request. Ah, right. You were overworking yourself so much lately, that you almost stopped replying to his texts, still you were sure to receive at least one every 2-3 days. Request accepted. Just when you were about to re-focus on the textbook in front of you, another notification came. Miya Atsumu liked your photo. Amused, you click on it only to discover the picture was from… 4 years ago. Reaction disappeared, however, almost as quickly as it appeared. On the other side of the line Atsumu’s hands were shaking and sweating, his face red, as his brain was sent into an overdrive. Oh no, oh no, ohnonono, what have I done, has she noticed, do I look desperate, what do I do now, whatdoIdo. But you never said anything about it.

[Miya]: Ya need ta relax once in a while, ya know? [Miya]: Stress ain’t bringing in results [Y/N]: Wow, so you can say something wise :0 [Miya]: HA. HA. HA. [Miya]: Now please wouldya get me? I dunno Tokyo too much. 10 minutes later you were scanning the crowd on the train station in search of a familiar blonde. It wasn’t too hard to find him, but unexpectedly… he had company. Of 2 other guys, including one looking exactly like him, except for a different hair colour. They were introduced to you as ‘Samu (apparently Atsumu was too nervous to go alone) and Suna (he would never miss a spectacle like this). “So where do you need to get to?”, Suna looked at his friend with amusement, and you could swear you heard his twin whisper “she doesn’t know?”. Suddenly you had a phone screen right in front of your eyes, pictures of your favourite cafe on display. How did he.... “I wanna take a certain gal here”, Atsumu tapped on the screen, his eyes focused intensely on yours. As soon as you shifted your gaze from his mobile to his face though, he looked away. “Let’s go then, I guess”

Having your favourite hot chocolate in your hands would have been relaxing, if not for the deafening silence and weird smirks between two extras. “Soooooo, care to explain what you’re doing here?” “Sightseeing?”, blonde sitting opposite of you looks quite adorable with the pink tint, hand on the nape of his neck. Wait, adorable? “Yeah, y/n here being the sight, OUCH”, Suna jumped in his seat, definitely kicked by Atsumu. Maybe he was right, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a breather from books and notes. On the other side of the window, Kuroo was clenching his fists, as he watched you laugh, not really sure of the reason behind his anger.

[April]

Being late on the very first day is a bad omen, you cursed as you ran through the campus. It was NOT your fault that it was so needlessly big. It also wasn’t your fault that you spent way too much time searching for motivation to attend this class, which was clearly added to the program to harass students. It was bound to be the most boring subject, you just felt it in your bones. You opened the door to the lecture hall as quietly as you could, and then tiptoed to the nearest free seat, eyes trained on the lecturer (you thanked gods she was turned back to the room). Luck was on your side, she hasn’t noticed. “Whatcha doin’ here, babe?”, a sudden whisper and lips barely brushing your ears made you jump in your chair. You almost screamed, but the man’s reflexes were almost inhuman, as he covered your mouth with his hand. Truthfully speaking, it might have been better to prevent your knee from bumping against the desk, because now you had all the unwanted attention. And a hurting knee. “K-Kuroo?!”, you whisper-shout back at him. “I knew we enrolled in the same university, but same class?” “I think this might be the only one, since it’s mandatory for everyone” You thought this course might actually be your favourite.

Obviously he noticed it. It was impossible not to, since the pisshead was a new follower on almost ALL of your social media. Not just a follower, no. He was commenting on nearly each photo, and reacting to every. Single. One. At first Kuroo was just mildly annoyed. Then angry. And then he could feel his blood boil whenever he saw his name under your post. He wasn’t going to tell you though how he checked every hour or so if you had replied. That day, when you both sat in your room, working on some early assignment (two heads are better than one), your phone was blowing up. Tetsurou knew who it was, he saw the bubbles popping up on your screen. You didn’t pay attention to them, much to his relief. On the other hand, Atsumu was going crazy. “Samuuuuuu, she ain’t replying!” “Samuuuuuu, ya think she’s on a date?” “Samuuuuuu, did I annoy her too much?” “Samuuuu….” “Shut up, Tsumu” “Y/N? Smile for the photo”, he laughed when your head snapped towards his raised hand, and your eyes opened wide. Kuroo pushed the shutter button exactly when you smacked his arm. “What the hell’s wrong with you?!”, notes and the search engine slowly reclaimed your main focus, partly because you wanted to hide a blush blooming on your cheeks. “Just wanted to commemorate our first study session in our university life!”, he mused as he entered First assignment with the best girl <3 - @y/n in caption and pressed <upload>. Let’s see if you react to this one, asshole. He didn’t.

[May]

[Y/N]: Are you okay? You’ve been awfully silent lately. [Miya]: ‘M ok! Didn’t want to bother ya. [Y/N]: Huh? [Y/N]: Why the sudden change? [Miya]: Idk, maybe I shouldn’t text “best girl <3” [Y/N]: Atsumu… You’re an idiot [Miya]: Am not! He was. He realised this few days later, right before hopping on a train to Tokyo. Or rather… his brother made him realise this. “Huuuuuuuh?! Whaddya mean I like her?! I mean, I do, she’s cool, but whaaaat?!” “Tsumu… Yer about’a get on a train ta see her!” “So?” “Yer an idiot” “Hey! That’s what she said too!” Looking back at it, that might have been true. Maybe. After all, he was on his way to a city 500 km away, just to see… a friend. Would he do that for just a friend?

He found you outside, and he swore it was the prettiest scene he had ever seen. Gentle breeze blew your hair, as you basked in the sunshine. With your floral dress you reminded him of a flower praising the sun. In that very moment he regretted he hadn’t bought you anything, not even some flowers. Not that they would compare to you. He watched you turn to him in slow motion, as if he was in a movie, and you were about to jump into his arms. You just smiled instead, but its brightness could rival the orb up in the sky. At that moment, he knew he was gone.

“So ya say… there’s anime about volleyball?” “Yes! And it’s so good! Seems pretty accurate too!” “Ya hafta show me! That’s so cool!”, he reminded you of a kid, with his eyes shining like glitter, and a smile covering at least half of his face.

He had exactly the same expression, when he suddenly stopped walking and you bumped into him, ice cream spreading nicely on your nose as he was taking a selfie of both of you. And then again at the train station, when he was worried his arms might have lingered a tad too long around your waist, but you didn’t pull back. Later, a screech could be heard in your room as that photo appeared on your timeline. With your name attached to it. In yer face, rooster bastard, Atsumu thought as he had clicked the <upload> button. Kuroo only scoffed, original much. But if that’s how he wants to play…

[July]

Lunch break was your favourite part of the day not just because it was, well, a break, and not only because of lunch. It was the time spent on talking, goofing around and stealing each other’s food, together with Tetsurou. That day, however, exhaustion took over and you couldn’t do much more than just lay your head on the cantine table, your hair a messy veil. “I can’t wait for summer break to come, I want it to come already! My brain is so tired” “Hang in there! It’s just 2 weeks of exams, and then we’re free!” “Why are you doing this to me, Kuroooooo” “I’ve always been a nice person” His hand was soft as he gently uncovered your face, strand by strand. “Wanna go somewhere and relax a little before all hell breaks loose?” Soft hum was the only thing leaving your lips as you melted into his touch.

The sun was merciless, as if its sole purpose was to burn the Earth to ashes. The fact that you were ankles deep in a stream and shielded by dense leaves didn’t help at all. Undeniably though it was soothing for the soul. “Okay, let’s move on”, Kuroo said, despite wanting to watch you forever. There was something about this relaxed expression that strung the cords of his heart. Yes, you looked happy. It took you too short a while to have shoes on and be ready to walk again. Summer breeze felt wonderful as you climbed up a rocky hill, scorching heat finally letting up a little. Temptation to just stand there with eyes closed and arms open wide almost too strong. Still, you let yourself submerge in it enough, not to notice a slippery boulder. You were preparing yourself for the impact, but instead, you felt a pull on your wrist and then a firm chest in front and a strong arm around your waist. “Please be more careful”, a whisper rather felt than heard, barely louder than a breath. This and his scent intoxicated you. “Let’s go?”

The view was magnificent. Just behind the hill, there was a lake, as clear as glass. Its naturally azure colour was tinted with golden afternoon light and rosy flowers covering the trees growing around the coastline. Some of the petals were floating on the surface, between the sun kissed shimmers. It was truly breathtaking, both of you wished you could stay in that moment. Neither of you noticed, none of you had let go of each other’s hand.

[Y/N]: Random thought. [Y/N]: What if I were a werewolf? [Miya]: … [Miya]: Are ya? oO [Y/N]: Hmm? Would it be a problem if I was? [Miya]: I… ‘m allergic to dogs… :( [Miya]: I swear I’ll get meds! [Y/N]: Wow, such a sacrifice! You would do that for me? [Miya]: I would even hunt squirrels for ya! [Y/N]: Squirrels? [Miya]: Or whatever werewolves eat [Y/N]: Wow, I’m speechless “Samuuuuuuuuu, she sent me a heart! A HEART!”, the fluttering in his chest was almost unbearable. “Shut yet mouth, ya simp! It’s 1 am!” He wasn’t a simp, of course not. Sure, he did watch whatever you recommended to him, and listened to whatever song you said you loved. He did research on things you had said were interesting, and rushed to his phone whenever it announced a new message. But being a simp? Him? Never.

[August]

If this wasn’t heaven, you didn’t know what would be. Warm sand under your back, cool water coming in waves to wash the heat off of your skin, and the sun watching you from the clearest sky. You heard a click somewhere behind your head, and opened your eyes to see your relative, showing proudly their creation. “You just looked so blissful, Y/N. Couldn’t help it”. You couldn’t blame them. You didn’t remember feeling this much at peace either. “Send it to me, please!”

Tucked gently in your covers, you were swiping through your gallery, admiring the pictures you and your relative had taken. After another round you finally decided which ones you wanted to share with the world, a mixture of landscapes, sunsets and portraits. As soon as you were informed about the post being up, you silenced your phone and closed your eyes ready to sleep… This might have been one of the best decisions you had made recently. You had never seen that many alerts on any of your content. Majority of these were from Atsumu, who obviously made sure none of your uploadings went unnoticed, which spread a warmth in your chest. What really caught your attention though, was how many times one particular picture was mentioned. Yes, the one on the beach. It was almost scary. {Kuroo}: Babe, you shouldn’t expose yourself like that, there are thirsty bois around. {Atsumu}: Who tf are ya callin’ thirsty?! {Kuroo}: Never said I was talking about you, but I guess I found one {Atsumu}: Listen here ya smug ass’ole, ya think yer funny? Suna only sent a gif of popcorn eating {Osamu}: Okay Y/N, as much as I find this exhilarating…just choose already, spare those two poor souls! Suna sent another gif, this time a very disappointed one.

Choose? Wtf does that mean? And then it hit you. Kuroo suddenly getting touchy again after distancing himself from you. His sudden clinginess whenever Atsumu interacted, phone in plain sight. Miya’s constant attention. His willingness to travel and never asking for anything in return. His eagerness to learn about anything you liked. Had you really been so oblivious for this whole time? Well, it could wait until you were back home.

Memories flooded your mind as you were typing the message, your heartbeat rate over the roof, your hands shaky, but you knew you needed to do this. For your sake. For his sake. One last glance over the text “I think it’s time for us to talk…” before you press <send>

Epilogue 1 - Kuroo Epilogue 2 - Tsumu Epilogue 3 - both

47 notes · View notes