#this is autism in the works right here

[burgerlabs]

not to be annoying but i sincerely think black mesa is. NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH!!!! i know that hl1 is a classic and should be cherished, and i do cherish it, but holy shit you cant tell me that black mesa isnt an INCREDIBLE remake. i hate remakes usually but black mesa is literally one of my fav hl games and it isnt even official. its a fan project & passion project and it is so fucking genuinely amazing. i love the way it uses the style and graphics of hl2 but breathes life into it with the fucking INCREDIBLE environment + environmental storytelling of hl1 and incredible shading + textures.

its not hyperrealistic, but instead it has this middle ground which pulls you in and is so visually engaging its astounding. the sound design is so well done, the entire thing feels so cinematic but its not like those annoyinf "yer just playing a movie theres no gameplay" games"-- it FUCKS. black mesa needs so so much love and im so autistic over it.

i fucking started CRYING when i started the Xen chapter cause iys just. so. pretty. its so gorgeous. holy shit.

also i remember friends of mine saying like "i dont like the game cause its broken" and ummm? scratches head. my game is far from broken, it works completely fine so ? help? only time the game broke was when it crashed but thats cause i turned the rendering shit all the way up as an experiment LMAO

#burger labs.txt #ramble #rant #half life #black mesa #half life 1 #hl 2 #hl #half life 2 #source #source engine #valve #notes you better be nice to me #this is autism in the works right here

[jorvikzelda]

i have played hollow knight for approximately 80 hours in the past 11 days

(alternate version with autism creature eyes/face as requested by my friend below cut)

#this was GENUINELY my best fucking attempt at little ghost i redrew their head Several fucking times and also the entire them once #i love them so much but i cannot give them what they deserve #decided to not even try drawing the hollow knight. they have Too Many Joints #but if i did their caption wouldve been something like ''third more fucked up sibling'' #would they be the eldest sibling? probably right? i could make an eldest sibling trauma joke too #the abysmal size difference here is Hysterical to me btw. it was Not on purpose i just cant proportion but its hilarious im keeping it #z talks #hollow knight #i did draw the autism creature face myself #no copy pasting here #also hornets legs are just lines bc i tried to make them more like in game but i coulnt make it work . so

[quackle]

yeah

#damien every time he goes on about how and why something works: #he's got autism. source? uh. i write for td. yeah. credible source right here #total drama #total drama island #td #tdi #total drama 2023 #tdi spoilers #td spoilers #total drama spoilers #total drama island spoilers

[seasicksilver]

punching the air. this yuri shit is serious

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanart #dainkae #gi dainsleif #gi kaeya #kaeya alberich #fan art #digital art #artists on tumblr #sketch #doodle #my art #wip #grits teeth GRRRRR #this is what defeats me #this piece right here #slowly working on this #every time i open this file im hit with these losers and it jumpstarts the autism aggression

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

[library-fae]

my boyfriend has to deal with my special interests of star wars and cannibalism and honestly the fact he's lasted this long is impressive

#.faeposting #star wars #cannibalism #autism #im normal guys #i also dont know how tagging works here #someone said i tag too much? #idfk #i know yall have wholeass conversations in here #am I doing this right? #am I passing at tumblr?

[corrodedcoughin]

You!!! Make this community a better place!!! Thank you for grazing in the Steddie nation!!

#you ever watch a documentary on autism in ‘women and girls’ and SO MUCH of it hits home and makes sense but not all of it 100% so doubt #yourself even though over 75% fits when you’ve been thinking this might be The Right Fit but don’t have a formal diagnosis and probably #will never get one #BUT THEN get really upset because it’s in ‘women and girls’ and you don’t want to be either of those and it hurts in a way you can’t explan #and then worry you are over analysing everything and making things out to be more than they are #idk idk just thoughts to vent out I don’t need a reply so please don’t feel obligated or anything #I mean talking abt it is always interesting but I’m not expecting anything #as all of my posts are!! never an obligation! ever!!! #idk man just thinking out loud and tag talking is my way becaude a full text post is too Much #I just hope everyone is doing okay???? AND!!! I hope you are enjoying yourselves??? #in some way!! #because I’ve come back and seeing the creativity and joy and community here js so lovely #I wish I had the time to reblog everybody’s work and exclaim the details and feeling of it all #because regardless of fic shit post art edit gifs it’s all INCREDIBLE. it brings so much emotion to so many and you deserve the recognition #and credit for it because yes you do it for yourself but the feedback is always nice. always. #I just want people to be encouraged to create idk you are all so wonderful and I need you to know that #OKAY I’m done back to Normal reblogs and ask answering and whatever else I can provide #sorry!!!

[cbk1000]

Lmfao My parents just got here, and I had the book I've been reading sitting by me while I was on my computer, and my mom wandered over and asked, "What's 'The Panic Virus'" and I responded with, "Oh, it's about the guy who did the study on the link between autism and vaccines--the very shit study, and how the media was complicit by giving him a platform and presenting the topic without any nuance and how that resulted in the ensuing hysteria surrounding the vaccines' and she just walked away without saying a word.

#i would bet almost anything she thought from the title that it was about covid being overblown #also i said it really casually #like it's a well-known fact the vaccines don't cause autism and that guy was full of shit #like OBVIOUSLY sane people didn't fall for that #knowing full well #i am currently the only one in the house that believes autism is not connected to childhood vaccinations #(mr jenn is at work) #he does not believe vaccines cause autism #he's just not here right now lol #personal

[soullessjack]

there’s so much love for how insanely-ruthlessly protective Cas is but the same is never given to jack when he’s the one being insanely ruthless about his family….it’s a cryin’ shame, i say

#whatever y’all did to turn around Cas’ character as an autistic war criminal who fucks I am BEGGING for the same thing here #yeah cas is overprotective and ruthless when it comes to defending his family yeah we love that #huge shoutout to ‘you threaten my family I will kill you’ 100% #but where’s the love for when jack does it </3 #the dude that literally decided out of nowhere that he has to kill Michael to fully free the AU refugees when the plan was only to escapee #who Smiled when he did finally kill Michael btw . and also wasted his entire soul into doing it #cant forget the violent torture and maiming of Nick but no yea you guys forgot about that really quick #anything about him that can’t be cutesy-fied just collects dust I guess #autism working a mile a minute on this I fear ….. I’m not even in a bad mood I’m very chill right now #I just think about things. a lot. #anyways #cal.txt #spn #jack kline #castiel #tfw2.0 #or when he tried to punch the empty in heaven to defend kelly… #girls when their special little guy is so special they have to tear their skin off

[rosicheeks]

😓🤬

#I fucking hate doctors and the medical field so much #I was FINALLY starting to get on the right path #called a php place and think I know where I’m going #have a therapist I’ve been talking to here and there #I’ve been trying to get into a psych evaluation right? #called 5+ places the other day and they all had 5-8 month long waitlists #I need to get most of this shit done before June #so that ain’t gonna work #called the psych place my doctor referred me to #(would like to add that I did call this same place right after my doctor visit a few months ago and they never called me back) #so I had no hope they were even going to pick up #I was shocked when I heard someone picked up and even more shocked when they said they had an opening for fucking Wednesday #literally I felt like everything was finally aligning #I scheduled the appt for a zoom meeting at 10am #then I get a bunch of random emails saying my appointment was changed #now I have two different appointments- Wednesday and Thursday both at 9am and with a totally different doctor #so I was like???? ok guessing something happened but I didn’t think much of it - called to figure out what day it actually is #when I called to confirm they told me that I can’t be tested until I get an internal referral #I told them I did get a referral??? #they looked at it and it was just a referral for depression not adhd or anything else #but then when they looked more into it they found in the notes she wanted me to get adhd testing #SO she just forgot to add it to my referral #I get people make mistakes #but this is like the 4th time something like this has happened lately #I’m just trying to be healthy #and it is fucking RIDICULOUS how incredibly hard it is to find the proper help #also the girl yesterday when I made the appointment said yes to all my questions but sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about #was like ‘does this test for adhd and autism?’ ‘yeah for sure’ and then I find out they don’t even test for autism #so now I have to find a totally different person to either do both or just test for autism #either way I feel incredibly disheartened and overwhelmed and sad

[shleemies]

Got promoted at work today! I knew they had their eyes on me for a promotion but the circumstances were kind of unfortunate. My coworker with the position found out that the raise was less than she thought, and that's after they screwed up her payroll big-time last week and only paid her for 2 days. So she's transferring back to our old store as an associate bc it's closer to her house and honestly an easier store to work at. So my manager came up to me right after they talked and was like you're getting promoted btw I was like oh okay 👍. And to be fair the raise is kinda shit lol it's 30¢. But to my knowledge it's more or less the work I'm doing anyways. I've never gotten a promotion or a raise before so I'm pretty happy about that. I've only had shitty bosses promise me raises for months and never follow through. And I know they've been wanting to promote me already bc all the higher ups I've worked with really like me and recognize that I work hard. I had a coworker 2 days ago ask if I was a manager because she said I had that vibe about me LOL. I was like no I'm just some guy. Still not a manager but I am a shift lead. Still so worried I'm going to burn out but uhhhh I'm doing well at this point 👍

#ive been working here less than 2 months #i really wanna share more details about like what ive been doing but i dont want to like dox myself? #the details would be specific enough you could find the store if you knew what state i live in which i think ive pretty opening talked about #fuck retail and all that but i like the place i work #and most of me working harder than some of the other associates is definitely the autism ocd and hypervigilance lol #i simply must make sure everythings right or else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #you know how it is #im still just processing that i actually got promoted bc thats never happened #idk maybe the new position will suck we will see lol but ill give it a shot i really dont think its that much more work

[asktotallyhuman]

Oh my goodness! I wonder what questions we have to ask to see what happened?

//Well if there's something you wanna know about, you gotta ask about it! Whether or not the character answers, or answers in the RIGHT way...well, maybe there's a way to get one character to "loosen their lips", and maybe there's another character who's already willing to answer. Or, perhaps, the other can tell you how to get the first to talk. Who knows?

#using the tags down here as an opportunity to dump my autism #i've got the next interaction posts planned out i just need to make the art for them #but starting said art is easier said than done i'd rather work on another standalone post like the 'it's you!' post #since i dont actually have any asks to work on between interaction posts #i wanna get them out because i wanna continue the story and get to where this next standalone post would be relevant #but then its gonna feel like an obligation like i HAVE to #which I DONT but i feel like i do because i wanna continue the story #if you've read this far #send me an ask answering me this: would yall care if someo of my posts were more rp based? #describing what hte character is doing isntead of drawing it #i do still plan to draw it's just that sometimes i'm working on a 'panel' and it just. isn't hitting right and i don't wanna work on it #so i think maybe making it text based would be easier on me so i can get the posts out and continue th story without having to stress #soryr to autism info dump on your very simple ask i've been thinking baout this stuff NONSTOP #mun speaks #anon ask #anonymous #ask #answer #anon

[autisticlee]

sometimes being autistic really separates me from other people. there's an invisible wall that separates me from people, society, the world. all those things can reach through the wall and slap me around, but it's one way. I can't reach them. and they never pat me on the head. nothing nice comes through. and I can't get out. I try to share good things. nothing gets through the wall. they see it as I purposely don't come out of the room i'm locked in. they think I act like i'm too good for them. they are offended and reach in to slap me. i'm desperately screaming and trying to reach out to them. trying to be part of things. but I can't. I can't connect with them. I can't be part of society. this wall isn't my doing, but they are making sure it stays up and making sure they only send negative signals through. know I can't stay behind this wall or I literally can't live. but also can't get out. i'm stuck and blamed for it. told i'm not trying and it's on purpose. i've been kicking and screaming at the wall my whole life and didn't make a dent. the lonliness and disconnection that can be felt when autistic is something nonautistic people will never feel or understand.

#lee rambles #just feeling that autistic lonliness and disconnection strongly today so heres vague rambly nonsense #autistic #autism things #actually autistic #dont know how to truly connect to people. or be part of society in a way that benefits living. people dont seem to try #nor do they want to help. they just act like and assume im the one not trying. im trying way harder than they ever will. #i need some patients and accommodation and understanding. needs and boundaries need met and respected. i never get those. #no one tries to connect with me. i have to do all the work but dont have ability to. but im expected to. since i cant its my fault. #so i stay on the outside looking in. begging for the door to be unlocked. while they stare through window laughing #and blaming me for not walking through a solid wall because they dont unlock the door fkr others so why would they do it for me #ahhh. idk what im talking about. need to do mamy things but think brain dissociating. idk who i am right now i could be anyone #patience* typed wrong word. cant move tags in right place on phone anymore

[boobliker42069]

for art requesting... whoever from tgcf you think would fit the members of mcr (i guess in a modern au way but like. we're free balling SO)

BESTIE BAE U ARE SO REAL FOR THIS. it may come as no surprise to u that i have thought abt this subject extensively so here r my answers (please note these are Not the same with my tgcf modern hardcore au im working on rn but are very similar) (im insane) (details in tags)

#OK SOBBASICALLY my thought process going in was like strictly eprsonality and vibes based. to me xie lian is the lead singer no matter what #and hes my babygirl like gerard has mad gender like gerard (see: crossdressing like 27 times in the story) and hes the main character so he #gets to be gerard idc. then mikey is like way quieter and less outgoing than sqx BUT my thought process was theyre both well liked + every #body's little sibling and talented. like i think the way everyone was/is obsessed with mikey is kind of how i feel about sqx even if their #popularity in the story is far more complex than that idc to me its like everybodys kid brother = shi qingxuan #NEXT ok so ray toro obviously i had to give him a good character and IN MY HEART OF HEARTS i knew. he would get yushi huang #BECAUSE #SHE IS SO RAY CODED TO ME. i dont even wanna explain it its just like if ykyk #next up hua cheng my thought process here was literally frank is hot sexy and annoying as fuck u know wjo else is hot secy and annoying as #fuck. thats right. hua cheng #Boom gottem also grank works here ig if ur a granker #ESSAY OVER literally do not ask rocke about their interests u will be there for 7 hours #rocke art tag #tgcf #OK THINGS THAT MATTER ONLY TO ME BUT ALSO MIEKY COULD HAVE BEEN QI YING ESP BC OF HIS CRAZY AUTISM I DIDNT THINK ABOUT THAT. BUT UM #too late now

[sinfulforrest]

gehhh I can feel my brain starting to turn pretty fucky wucky and I would really prefer to not have that happen again cause it was really bad last timeee

#forrest speaks #vent #i literally feel up to my eyeballs in stress there's so much shit going on right now and i just really don't like this #got real bad family stuff happening and just general depression shit hitting really hard and pressure from parents to like choose a career #and pressure from uni cause I've not done work for a while and have been in a state about it and ive been too terrified to try and sort #out my probable autism shit cause it stresses me out thinking about it #i just feel like curling up into my bed and never leaving it yknow? its overwhelming and makes me want to cease #feel the need to say that i wont and dont do stupid shit to myself when i get like this because i dont want people worrying n shit #i just usually keep by myself and stay in bed and just mentally beat myself up i guess #god being awake just feels so exhausting right now but im still to awake to sleep #im sorry for dumping this here but i just wanna scream how im really feelin deep down into the void n stuff and this is the best i can do #gonna try drawing a bunch of real self indulgent shit so i can get that happy feeling of making something at the very least #god knows ill need it

[hecksupremechips]

Feeling just every single kind of horrific now I’m literally living my nightmare and have no where to run anymore

#lost my home my escape from this place and now im forced back into this awful living situation in a horrible town #its taking a physical toll im dizzy my stomach hurts i cant sleep right im sweaty i cant breathe #its just not real like this just cant be real #i can hear them chewing through the walls and i want them to stop but i cant cover my ears cuz then im vulnerable #my curtains are gone everyone is watching me theres spies all over the town the all report to each other #nagging nagging nagging because my god im so incompetent i cant even make a phone call #ive literally procrastinated rescheduling a very important doctor appointment for 2 weeks now cuz i literally cannot remember to do it #if i run away itll be pointless cuz theyll just find me and bring me back here #i would do anything just to cry and sob cuz then id get to feel better but my body wont let me im like emotionally constipated #ive been for who knows how fucking long #my father tells me that i need to overcome my autism and that im just not trying hard enough and that i need to talk to jesus #i dont love anything here i cant be bothered to try #and the ‘support’ i get is just. a cheap way of forcing me in #im gonna explode im seriously so uncomfortable so fed up so terrified so nauseous #its not even a dream this time but maybe it is but maybe it isnt i dont know i just punch the wall but never bleed #i want to breathe but its not working