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ladylynse · 3 years

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Chapter 6 [FF | AO3] of Down the Rabbit Hole: Wirt had heard a lot of stories about college, but somehow, he still wasn’t prepared for one of his roommate’s crazy friends to smuggle a hatchet into their dorm room.

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Toby had hung up without giving more of an explanation, but from the look in Wendy’s eyes, Wirt knew she didn’t need one.

“You grab the kit from the kitchen,” Jazz said. “I’ll get the one from under my bed. Danny, there’s one in the top drawer under the bathroom sink.”

“On it,” he said, not questioning why they would possibly think they’d need three first aid kits between the two of them.

When they were all back with the kits and Wendy was pulling on her shoes, Wirt saw Danny glance at Jazz and Jazz’s answering nod. “Wirt and I can catch up,” she said without even looking at him for confirmation even though they were all gathered near the doorway now. “Wendy?”

Wendy paused long enough to look at Danny. “If it’s safe for me, then yes.”

“You’ll be fine,” Danny said, handing Wendy the other two first aid kits when she finished getting her shoes on. She cradled them against her chest as he picked her up with ease—how the heck was he so strong when he looked so slight?—and then they vanished.

Just like Danny had back in the library.

“H…how—?” Wirt could see Danny being able to do that with himself. Lab accident. Okay. Fine. But with Wendy?

They hadn’t even opened a window, let alone a door, but Wirt knew they were already gone.

“Lab accident,” Jazz said, as if that explained everything. “That was your next show of proof, by the way. Now come on. They’ll be there by the time we get out the door at this rate.”

“When…when you talked about Danny flying in earlier,” Wirt said as Jazz shooed him out the door and locked it behind them, “was that supposed to be literal?”

“I would’ve meant it literally even if I had meant on a plane,” she said, which Wirt supposed was answer enough. He just….

“What else can your brother do?”

Jazz was already heading down the stairs, but she glanced back without missing a step. “How much research did you do on Amity Park?”

“Um….”

“Just give me the cliffnotes version.”

“It’s a nice place to live?”

“I’m serious.”

“Ghosts attacks are common.”

Jazz made an irritated noise and started moving faster, forcing Wirt to take the stairs two at a time to keep up with her. “Read anything about our town’s protector?”

“The ghost hunters, you mean? Your family?”

There was a beat before Jazz answered, “I don’t just mean Mom and Dad.” He joined her on the landing, and she immediately turned and led the way out the door, setting off at a quick clip for the residence hall he and Toby had been assigned.

“The other one, then?” He had to practically jog to keep up with her. This was ridiculous. This was not a fast walk, whatever she made it appear to be. “The one with the jet sled?”

“I’m talking about Phantom.”

“So there really is a ghost that fights other ghosts?”

“Yes.”

“And that matters right now because—?”

“Danny Phantom.”

“What?”

“That’s his name. Danny Phantom.”

“So—?”

“My brother is not very original.”

“What does Danny have to—?” Wirt broke off as Jazz’s meaning sunk in.

This had to be a joke. She couldn’t seriously mean that.

Even if it would explain her brother’s cryptid remarks earlier. And the reason he could turn invisible and get into locked room and apparently fly.

But…but Danny was solid. Real. Wirt had touched him, seen him touch other very real, very solid objects. Jazz’s brother couldn’t be some spirit clinging to this world after a tragic lab accident, however dramatic he’d tried to make that seem. Ghosts weren’t tangible—

—except in Amity Park.

“Danny’s dead?” Wirt hissed.

“Not exactly.”

That made even less sense.

“So he’s a demon?”

There really wasn’t another option. Plus, it might be the real reason Jazz never came to any of Wendy’s apocalypse training sessions with them. Wendy wasn’t big on demons. Not that Wirt would have expected her to be, but—

“No.”

Okay, he was completely lost now. “Then what the heck is he?”

“Just think of him as a human with ghost powers. It’ll be a lot easier on your head.”

“How is that supposed to be easier?”

“Do you really want me to launch into a spiel about what I think Danny’s molecular structure looks like right now?”

“I—”

“Because it is all speculation. I haven’t exactly put him under a microscope. I don’t even need to ask him if he’s comfortable with the idea because I know he isn’t. Who would be? We have no reason to believe he’s in any danger; not more than anyone is who does what he does, anyway. He’s stable. He’s not broken. He’s different. That’s not a bad thing.”

“He’s dead.”

“Not dead. And not demonic. Just because that was your experience, doesn’t make it Danny’s. Or mine.”

He’d played along with this whole thing for too long to ask if Jazz really meant that Danny had been the first person to give Phantom a name, hadn’t he? Because somehow being the reason Phantom took the name Danny—whether Danny Fenton gave him that name or if Phantom fancied it and adopted it, in honour of Fenton or not—didn’t explain anything. That would just be wishful thinking, especially after what Jazz had said.

Besides, Wirt knew that things that couldn’t be explained could actually happen.

He had simply never expected that they had genuinely happened to anyone else.

Particularly while they were still in this dimension.

“I just can’t….”

“You wanted to help Toby, didn’t you? So stop saying you can’t. Just roll with it and do the best you can. Life gets weird sometimes. You should’ve learned that by now.”

“I was fifteen!”

“Danny was fourteen.”

There was no way he could argue this like a sane person and actually come out ahead, was there?

Wirt swallowed his retorts, deciding to save his breath as Jazz picked up the pace again. Geez, that girl could run. By the time they got to the residence hall, he could taste blood and was gasping for breath in between coughing fits that somehow made the stabbing, burning pain in his side worse, and she wasn’t even winded.

He was still fumbling for his keys when someone else walked out, giving him a weird look but holding the door long enough for Jazz to grab it. Wirt pretended that his face was flushed only from exertion and not the fact that he was pretty sure that kid lived just down the hall from him and that he’d have to live with the fact that this guy was always going to remember him as this out-of-shape weirdo who—

“Come on. You can catch your breath when we get to your room. Probably.”

Jazz didn’t bother knocking when they got there. The knob turned when she tried it, and she shoved him inside before following and locking the door behind her.

Wirt wasn’t sure what he expected to see when they got there.

Someone injured, sure. That made sense. Toby had asked for a first aid kit.

But somehow, Wirt had never expected that said injured, uh, creature would not be human.

A quick glance told him that Jazz wasn’t the least bit fazed by the giant thing sprawled across Toby’s bed. It looked like it was dressed in armour, too. Without a helmet but with horns. Wirt shuddered, too reminded of the Beast not to immediately think demon despite the vastly different horn type. He looked for Wendy, but she was just perched on his desk, digging through the first aid kits, one balanced on her lap and two open beside her; she showed no signs of going for the hidden hatchet and trying to kill the thing, so that had to be a good sign.

Not that that gave Wirt much of an idea of what the creature was if it wasn’t a demon.

He didn’t really want to ask.

It did explain why someone had covered the window, though. Not so much as a shaft of sunlight was peeking through, so there was no way someone from outside could just happen to glance in and see…that.

“What—?”

“Jim and Claire are hurt,” Toby said, and Wirt tore his eyes away from the beast and finally realized that Jazz stood with Toby over a figure on Wirt’s bed, this one in that purple armour Claire had been wearing.

Was still wearing.

Toby was still wearing his armour, too. Wirt was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining the blood on it. He shivered, suddenly cold despite the fact that he knew he was still sweaty from that run. There was just…so much here he hadn’t known. And that creature….

He hadn’t realized that anything could give him chills like this. Since the Unknown, horror movies and such had never given him the creeps. They weren’t real, and he knew that, so he just never let himself be bothered by it. But this?

This thing was real.

And definitely not human.

And probably not a demon, since Wendy had no problem with it. At least, it wasn’t glowing. Its eyes might be, if they were open, but they weren’t, so—

No. He couldn’t go down that rabbit hole now. This one was bad enough. Wirt swallowed. “Badly?”

“Bad enough,” Wendy said as she hopped off the desk to give Toby whatever she’d been looking for in the kit. “A home stitch job isn’t going to make a concussion go away.”

“Let me, I’ve had a lot of practice,” Jazz said, reaching for something from Wendy. It wasn’t until she’d ripped open the package and fished out the contents that he realized it held sterilized needles. That wasn’t standard for first aid kits, right?

“This is crazy,” Wirt said. “We need to get her to the hospital.” He moved to stand at the end of his bed and tried to ignore the monster who lay on Toby’s in his peripheral vision. He stared at Claire’s armour instead, noting the smoothness of its joints and trying not to see what the others were doing. A quick glance had told him entirely too much. “She needs actual medical care. Last I checked, none of you guys have graduated med school.”

“No, but I’d wager we’re all experts in home treatment,” Wendy said. “Toby never flunked that part of the apocalypse prep courses, if you’ll remember.”

“I thought that was just your idea of first aid on steroids.”

“We don’t need an audience,” Jazz interrupted, and Wirt didn’t need to lift his head to know she hadn’t looked up from threading her needle. “Go help Danny.”

Wirt hadn’t actually seen Danny, so he glanced around the room again. “Where is he? Trying find someone to help?”

“He’s checking over Jimbo,” Toby said quietly. He was still looking over the piece of armour that was jutting out of Claire’s arm. Her arm. Speared by what Wirt could only assume was her own armour, though he couldn’t imagine how. He could see her losing a piece of plate, sure, but having it come back, sharpened to a point and tearing through her flesh— No, he couldn’t think about that right now. He quickly looked away, staring at Toby’s helmetless head instead and realizing how much sweat had plastered down his hair. “He and Claire got it bad. Jim can shake off a lot, but there was some dark magic in this mix.”

“Jim,” Wirt repeated. He remembered that name. “He was that other kid you were close friends with in high school, right? Tall, lanky? I think you raved about his food?” In truth, the last was the only thing Wirt remembered. Toby always raved about Jim’s food. Apparently, he made a mean omelet. “Did you at least drop him at the walk-in clinic or—?”

Toby finally met Wirt’s eyes. He looked…drained. That was the only way Wirt could think to describe it. “He’s on my bed.”

Wait.

What?

Wirt looked. The monster was still very much there. And now that he looked a little higher, he could see Danny hovering above him. Literally hovering. Maybe two feet from the ceiling. He’d paused in whatever examination he’d been doing to stuff his hand in his mouth and try to stifle his laughter, but he lost that battle the moment he realized Wirt had seen him.

“This is a prank,” Wirt said, coming to that conclusion again. That was the only thing that made sense. They’d finally done it. He didn’t know how they’d done, but they’d gotten him good, and he’d admit that. “Good one, guys. You really had me going.”

“This blood isn’t faked,” Wendy said bluntly. “Trust me, Wirt, if we were going to prank you, we’d all be laughing.”

“Sorry,” Danny whispered as he dropped down to Wirt’s eye level. “I just…. When I realized you hadn’t seen me, I couldn’t resist.” The smile dropped off his face as he added, “They’re right, though. This is serious. Definitely worse than the time Sam got hit by some of Skulker’s shrapnel.” His feet finally hit the floor again, and he pointed at the mon—at Jim. “Look at the way the armour impacted. It’s like he ran into a wall. Which he wouldn’t do, because when his eyes are open, they actually function. My guess is Jim has a lot of internal injuries, even with that stoneskin of his. Plus, y’know, the sheer amount of magic it would’ve taken to knock out him out. I’m surprised they were strong enough to bring him back here. He would’ve been dead weight.”

He turned away from Wirt, leaving Wirt to stare at the creature’s—Jim’s?—face and try to see something other than solid stone.

And trying to see the human face of the kid he’d thought had been Toby’s friend Jim in there somewhere.

However, Wirt was not so absorbed that he didn’t hear Danny’s utterly ridiculous question. “You guys can open portals to the Ghost Zone, right?”

How could this be real? It shouldn’t be real. It was even more insane than the Unknown, because he could pretend that that had just been a dream, complete with singing frogs and magical curses and nearly dying ten times over. There was a legitimate nightmarish monster lying on Toby’s bed that was apparently Jim, the amazing cook, and Jazz’s little brother had been floating, and—

“I mean, it doesn’t look like the Shadow Realm,” Toby said slowly. “Have you ever heard a name for it?”

“No,” was the hissed response, and Wirt blinked. He hadn’t realized Claire was conscious, even though he didn’t know who else Toby could have possibly been asking. “Haven’t seen anyone else there. Wouldn’t ask them where we were if I had.”

“Wait,” Wirt said. “What are we pretending happened here?”

“We’re not pretending anything because we’re not telling anyone else,” Wendy said without looking back at him. “But you should be able to guess what happened. Claire came to get Toby because they needed help. It went poorly.”

“Can I just see your staff?” Danny asked. “If I’m right and it does open portals to the Ghost Zone—and I really think I am—then I know someone who might be able to help Jim.”

“I’m willing to try anything. Claire?”

“Yeah.”

“Wendy, can you—?”

“I’ve got you covered,” Wendy said, smoothly swapping places with Toby.

Wirt backed up until he hit the door and tried not to think about how much blood was on Toby’s hands right now. He felt…out of place. More out of place than usual. Even more out of place than he’d felt in the Unknown, and this was the real world.

His friends were all taking this easily, like they’d known each other’s secrets all along, but his gut told him they hadn’t. His gut had been wrong before, admittedly, but this time it was backed up by how Jazz and Wendy had reacted to each other’s bits of dropped knowledge earlier. There had been curiosity and consideration, but there hadn’t been doubt.

“You know how to work that thing, right? I can carry Jim. Heck, I can carry both of you if you can’t manage a portal to a specific spot in the Ghost Zone.”

“Claire’s the one who really knows how to work this thing, not me, and getting back here took enough out of her. I can make it open a portal but I’m not good enough to do a place, especially not to somewhere I haven’t seen.”

“Okay, I can carry you piggyback so I can hold Jim and you can have a hand free to work that staff. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

Toby reached over Claire to grab something from the bed, and Danny…changed.

Wirt had closed his eyes against the bright light, but when he opened them, he recognized Danny Phantom from the pictures he’d seen while researching Amity Park.

“Awesomesauce,” was all Toby said before lifting up some kind of baton that glowed and grew into a staff and—

That was definitely a portal in their room, opening up as quickly as if reality were tissue paper that Toby had just stabbed through with his finger instead of gestured at with that staff.

It was a huge, vividly green portal that pulsed brightly enough to make the overhead light seem dim, and it apparently led into the Ghost Zone, of all places….

Jazz’s little brother, who was none other than Danny Phantom, with Wirt’s armour-wearing and staff-wielding roommate Toby on his back, picked up and cradled the giant monster that was somehow Toby’s friend Jim in his arms before flying all of them through that portal.

It winked out behind them as it had never been there.

“Wirt, Danny put some ice in the bathroom sink. Can you wrap some in a towel and bring it here?”

Where had Danny gotten ice? It wasn’t like this was a hotel and there was an ice machine down the hall or something. The cafeteria was in an entirely different building, but maybe he’d gone there for some. Even if it was winter, there wasn’t exactly a lot of ice or snow outside.

Then again. Danny Phantom. Wirt had a vague recollection of a reference to ice powers.

Wirt moved robotically, trying not to be surprised by the fact that the sink was full of perfect ice cubes that weren’t melting, or at least weren’t melting enough to stick to each other yet, and scooped a handful into a hand towel that he hoped was clean. Those had never gone missing like the socks, but they weren’t always remembered come laundry day, either.

He came out and handed the homemade ice pack to Wendy, trying not to stare at Claire’s pale face or the bruises already beginning to blossom on it. There was no sign of the helmet she’d been wearing earlier, though that cut that came entirely too close to her eye might be the reason for its absence, if someone had gotten in a lucky strike with a spear—

“I’ll be fine,” she hissed between clenched teeth when she noticed him. “I’ve had worse.”

Having had worse didn’t mean she was fine now. She shouldn’t be conscious. Well, she at least shouldn’t be this coherent, shouldn’t be able to read his expression and know his thoughts so easily. Was he really that transparent? Wendy had been worried about a concussion. Maybe—

“Go get some air,” Jazz said. “We don’t need you fainting on us, and we can handle this ourselves.”

He hadn’t been thinking about fainting. If anything, he’d been debating running away from here and just never coming back. This kind of stuff was supposed to be reasonable and stay in dreams and stories instead of invading perfectly logical or rational realities. Or maybe he just needed to talk to someone who wouldn’t judge him for what would sound like wild fantasies. A real therapist, not Jazz.

“Hey, you still with us?”

That was Wendy. She would not appreciate Wirt saying no. “Yeah,” he croaked out.

“Good. Then go. Get yourself a drink. Take a moment for this to sink in. Then you can come back and we can talk.”

He didn’t want to talk.

He didn’t want this to be real.

Why did this have to be real?

The Unknown was just supposed to be a dream. He didn’t want to admit that, yes, he’d actually travelled to another dimension or stumbled into some limbo between life and death or whatever it had been—

Maybe he really was losing it. Maybe none of this was real and it just felt real. Though, if he was delusional, this went way beyond his friends supporting him. This was…. Either this was enabling him or none of this was real and—

“Wirt.” Jazz again. “Seriously. Talk to us. What do you need? Would you rather just lie down for a bit instead?”

Right. Lie down where the monster that was Jim had been. Since that bed was free now that he and Toby and Danny had left through a portal in reality.

“Yeah, he’s not okay.” Wendy. “Hold down the fort. I’m going to wash up and get him out of here.”

He didn’t register that Wendy had moved until she was steering him out the door with still-wet hands. She paused only long enough to close the door behind her before pushing him forward.

It took entirely too long for him to realize that they were going to her favourite hidden corner on campus, a bench on the path that passed the bio and chem buildings that was half-hidden by bushes and trees in a little alcove by the northwest entrance to bio that Wirt had never seen anyone use.

“Sit.”

Wirt sat.

Wendy dropped down beside him. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

There was really no point in lying. Wendy would call him on it. He spoke in short, halting sentences, not so much because he didn’t know what he was thinking as because he wasn’t sure of a sane way of wording any of it. But that was the crux of it, really. Sanity didn’t factor into any of this. So, he just told her the truth, as best he could.

Wendy, being Wendy, never laughed at him. Never denied any of this. Never reassured him that it wasn’t real or that she hadn’t seen what he had.

“Yeah,” she said when he’d stopped for long enough that it was clear to her he didn’t intend to continue. “That about sums it up, I guess.”

“How does this not….” He swallowed and tried again. “Did you know?”

“About what, Jazz and Danny? Not really. I never bothered doing research on her or anything. I just knew she could take care of herself, and that was enough for me. I learned the details when you did.”

“Toby?”

She grimaced. “I knew something was there. I didn’t know it was this big. Trolls weren’t something I’d encountered in Gravity Falls. Don’t get me wrong; they’re probably there. And from what I know about the Gremloblin, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s related.”

“The what?”

She shrugged. “Half-gremlin, half-goblin. Makes you see your worst nightmare if you look it in the eyes. Dipper captured it once. Or at least one of them, if it’s a species and not just a rare hybrid.”

She didn’t look like she was kidding.

Wirt groaned. “This can’t be real life.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow at him. “You are lucky Mabel isn’t here for this conversation or she’d take that as a cue to start singing.” When Wirt didn’t say anything else, she continued, “Look, I know this is a lot. You’ve obviously been in denial for a long time. But if we’re going to be able to help Toby and Claire and Jim, you need to pull yourself together. Like it or not, this is real life. It’s your life, it’s my life, it’s all our messed up lives. You can choose to walk away from this. I know Toby won’t judge you for that; he’s a better person than I am. But if you want to walk away, you need to be prepared to either cut us off completely so you can ignore everything that’s going on in our lives or cover for us when this stuff does come up, even if your involvement ends there. It’s your choice, but you need to make it soon.”

“But—”

“This isn’t me trying to pressure you into making a decision. It’s me telling you that we don’t have time for you to weigh every pro and con about every feasible scenario you can think of. We’re in the middle of this now, and we need to know if you’re in or out.”

“I don’t know—��

“That’s why I’m going to let you think it over and figure it out. Unless you want me to stay here and listen some more?”

She was more use to Claire than she was to him, so he shook his head.

“Okay. Text me if you wanna talk one-on-one with someone before you come back. As far as your decision goes…. We’ll do what we can to protect you either way, but I’m not going to promise you that you’ll be fine. I don’t know if you will be. I don’t know if I will be. I don’t know enough about what’s going on despite what Toby told me when Danny and I got there, but even if I did know, I still couldn’t make that guarantee. We’ll never be able to give you that guarantee.”

“I just…. I don’t know if I’m ready for any of this.”

“No one is. Well, I like to think I was more prepared for my first apocalypse than the average person, but for the most part? No one is.”

“Wait, what do you mean, first apocalypse?”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I helped save the world once. And I don’t think it’s a lie to say I’m not the only one, so it wouldn’t be a stretch to think I might wind up helping stop a second.” Wendy got to her feet. “Just think about it. Take some time to clear your head and sort things out. We’ll be in your dorm room until Toby gets back, and one of us will text you if we leave before you show up.”

“I don’t think I can do this,” whispered Wirt, looking away so he didn’t have to see Wendy’s face when he admitted that.

“Then you don’t have to. But don’t give up until you give it some real thought, okay?”

“Okay.”

He didn’t look up as she walked away.

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#otgw #danny phantom #trollhunters #gravity falls #toa trollhunters #fanfiction #crossover #my writing #ladylynse #snippets #crossover snippet #dp snippet #trollhunters snippet #otgw snippet #gf snippet

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ineedracecartopdown · 3 years

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Starting this blog the right way: As a Danny Ric fan you’re used to two things - laughing and crying. This one belongs to the latter.

It was the day of Daniel Ricciardos 29th birthday, it was my third Austrian GP in a row. The weather was awesome, I had the perfect view over the circuit and I really enjoyed myself. And then it happened. His freakin car (later in the season we found out that it was cursed - I hope RBR burned it in hell) stoped right in front of my grandstand. Before the the race, my roommate made a joke about exactly that situation. And then it really happened.

Not gonna lie, I got slightly emotional, also not gonna lie my emotions were maybe blurred by the last beer I drank with my dad to cheer to Danny Rics birthday. (About ten laps later my dad got also emotional, when Hamiltons car decided that it also wants to leave early today.)

Max Verstappen won the race. I don't know if you know - but Austria is close (in dutch measurements) to the Netherlands so the Orange Army is very present at the Austrian GP. It was the first time for Max to win it and they really went crazy! They enjoyed themselves, celebrated, they also frequently drank all the beer away. It was fun to watch, but I was still pretty upset bc of Daniels DNF (and obviously the special place his car choose). So I was sitting there, with my dad and my Number 3 RBR cap, cooling down and also sulking a little bit about the race - when it happened.

A dutch guy saw me sitting with my cap and my empty cup, came over, handed me a beer and started to cheer me up. He told me how much the dutch fans love Ricciardo, that he hopes that he will stay at RBR bc the team wouldn't be the same without him, that he wishes him all the best and that I shouldn't be upset bc he’ll soon be back on the podium.

So, as I mentioned before: as a Daniel Ricciardo fan you're used to two things. This race, back in 2018 had both in it. To me it was the saddest and also happiest memory I have about this sport. Because yes, it was really upsetting to see the car of my most favourite driver breaking down LITERALLY in front of me on his god damn birthday, but it was also the best (personal) memory I have about this sport, bc it showed me that this sport is more than banter and rivalry - it’s about sportsmanship and good vibes.

If you came this far in the text - thx for reading! As a gift you got my most precious F1-memory <3

#formula one #daniel ricciardo #max verstappen #orangearmy #austrian grand prix #austrian gp 2018 #preciousmemories #goodvibes #f1

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papermoonloveslucy · 3 years

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TOP OF MY HEAD: WAX OF BALL

May 16, 1964

Last summer I was engaged to write a one-hour special comedy program starring this glamorous bouquet of names: Jack Benny, Danny Thomas, Garry Moore, Lucille Ball, Andy Griffith, and Phil Silvers. (1)

I am not going to single out any certain name, but one of these stars gave me plenty of trouble. If I play my cards right, I may never have to write for her again.

These six television personalities are all under the sponsorship of one advertiser and appear weekly for separate products in their own respective half hour niches. To herald the opening of a new season a week before their first shows appeared. General Foods gathered them all together into one huge bowl to serve up a mighty chef's salad. It was only natural that some ham should have slithered in.

It was at once discernible to the writers that to accommodate this array of disparate talent the script concept would have to include two important factors. One, a plot in which they would all be concerned. Two, jokes distributed in equal portions among the six performers. Give one comedian, working with a group of other comedians, fewer lines than the others and you have an actor on your hands who, as rehearsals go along, sinks lower than the second f in Schrafft's. (2)

The plot we came up with was a simple and workable one. Five of our stars see a news item in Variety that General Foods has just hired Phil Silvers to do a new half-hour show.

"It is rumored," says our Variety story, "that General Foods may drop one of the other five." If that sounds contrived, it was. We put a piece of paper into the typewriter and contrived it. I don't quite know what critics mean when they write that a story line was contrived. I like to think it was conceived. We certainly went through enough labor to bring it into the world.

In due course an outline in some depth was written and presented to the advertising agency, and there was joy in all the cubicles up at Benton and Bowles. They phoned to say they had engaged as producer a man from the theater with a long list of distinguished plays he had nurtured through their out-of-town tryouts to Broadway successes—Leland Hayward. Mr. Hayward and I were to make the trip to the West Coast and articulate our outline to the stars. Which we did, to unanimous approval. The agency men were quite pleased, and at lunch Ed Ebel, vice-president of General Foods, insisted I have a second dessert.

Then back we came and the script was written. You know that line about everything being fine at the theater until the curtain went up? In the purified vernacular of television, all heck broke loose. Miss Ball found it highly incompatible with her public image to pretend that she would worry about losing her job to Phil Silvers because everybody knows she is president of Desilu Productions. She wanted a slight change—the script to state explicitly that she is president of Desilu and she wasn't worried.

Well, this played hell with our premise —excuse it, I'm getting steamed up now. We watered the plot down to "although Miss Ball was president of Desilu and was not worried about losing her job she would pretend to have some concern for the other stars who might lose their jobs and she would help get rid of Mr. Silvers." Some of the enchantment of doing the show was now slipping away. But it got worse. My good friend Jack Benny, when he saw the changes, reminded us that everybody knows he's quite wealthy and he wouldn't be worried about losing his job either. To keep it from spreading through the cast, Mr. Hayward explained that they were playing the parts of people about to lose their jobs—a crisis with which viewers can all identify.

The point was finally made and the script went into rehearsal. Word came back to us from the Coast that Miss Ball, who evidently wasn't finding it very rewarding laugh-wise to be the public image of president of Desilu, had ordered other changes into the script— among them a scene with Mr. Silvers known in burlesque as "Again I Turn" (3) —ending with the pie-in-the-face bit, in which the president of Desilu pretended to be an old scrubwoman.

After the show went on the air I heard to my sorrow that some viewers found this scene quite hilarious. This I can attribute to only one unfortunate thing—Miss Ball happens to be one of the country's most talented and prolific comediennes.

The other Sunday night Miss Ball appeared in an hour show with Bob Hope. (4) She played, of all things, the president of Desilu. Also, she was an actress for Desilu. She appeared in one scene as the actress trying on a top hat, white tie, and tails.

"This is what I wear in the magic act, isn't it?" she asked the tailor. "Where are the tricks?"

"In the suit," he replied, as the public image of the Desilu president went off gaily to a board of directors' meeting.

Well, if there was a message in a television program, this was it. No sooner had she arrived at the meeting than she removed the top hat, and there, nestling in the hutch of all that red hair, was a rabbit. Desilu stockholders will please not assume that this is her public image.

Also, the very next night the president of Desilu appeared in her usual weekly show. (5) The premise: "Lucy takes a job as a summons server to earn vacation money."

~ GOODMAN ACE

Goodman Ace (1899-1982) was born as Goodman Aiskowitz, aka "Goody" (as he was known to friends) had a low-key, literate drollery and softly tart way of tweaking trends and pretenses made him one of the most sought after writers in radio and television from the 1930s through the 1960s. In 1957 and 1959 he was Emmy nominated for writing “The Perry Como Show.” He and his wife Jane had a long-lasting radio breakfast show called “Easy Aces” that transferred to television in 1949 - where it lasted just six months. As per his desires, “General Foods Opening Night” was the first and last time he collaborated with Lucille Ball.

This article appeared in the May 16, 1964 issue of Saturday Review, a weekly literary magazine published from 1920 to 1986. Norman Cousins was the editor from 1940 to 1971. It was described as "a compendium of reportage, essays and criticism about current events, education, science, travel, the arts and other topics."

FOOTNOTES TO HISTORY

(1) The TV special that Goodman Ace was employed to write was titled “Opening Night” airing September 23, 1963 on CBS starring Phil Silvers (“The New Phil Silvers Show”), Lucille Ball (“The Lucy Show”), Jack Benny (“The Jack Benny Program”), Andy Griffith (“The Andy Griffith Show”), Danny Thomas (“Make Room for Daddy”), and Garry Moore (”I’ve Got A Secret”).

(2) Schrafft’s was a chain of moderately priced New York restaurants which often attracted ladies who were out for shopping trips. It was one of the first restaurants to allow un-escorted females on a routine basis. In 1981, the Boston-based candy company that owned the chain ceased operations, leaving just a few remaining restaurants in private hands. Schrafft’s was mentioned in “Lucy Does the Tango” (ILL S6;E20) and ““Housewarming” (ILL S6;E23).

Ace writes "sinks lower than the second f in Schrafft’s”. This is a reference to the company’s distinctive logo.

(3) The vaudeville routine is most commonly known as “Slowly I Turned” or “Slowly I Turn” or even “Martha”, but not “Again I Turn,” as Goodman writes. Perhaps this mistake is intentional to show his displeasure of the age-old vaudeville routine being inserted into his script - or perhaps not. Lucille Ball had performed “Slowly I Turned” as Lucy Ricardo on “The Ballet” (ILL S1;E9) opposite Buffo the Clown (Frank J. Scannell) in 1952. This time, Lucy takes the role of the clown, and Phil Silvers is the one with the kind face. For plot purposes, Lucille is dressed as a charwoman.

(4) The show Goodman Ace is referring to was titled “Mr. and Mrs.” aka “The Lucille Ball Comedy Hour” and was aired on April 19, 1964. As he points out, the premise has Lucille Ball playing ‘Herself’ as the head of a studio named Consolidated Pictures (not Desilu). Like the real-life Ball, she also has a popular TV show in which she plays a wacky redhead named Bonnie Blakely (not Lucy Carmichael).

(5) Ace is referring to “Lucy is a Process Server” (TLS S2;E27) aired on April 20, 1964, in which Ball plays Lucy Carmichael, a single mother of two who takes a second job as a process server to make enough money to go on vacation with her best friend and roommate Viv (Vivian Vance). Her first summons must be served to Mr. Mooney.

Original 1964 article by Goodman Ace, transcribed verbatim. Footnotes by Michael T. Mooney.

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anwenwrites · 4 years

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Justice—A Landry Oneshot

A oneshot of Landry’s thoughts as he prepares to send that fateful email to Mrs. Martinez’s family.

I don’t care if she’s supposed to be my friend. She can’t get away with this. Not this time.

Earlier today, Bryce, Jackie, Sienna, Elijah, and I told Casey that Mrs. Martinez died, and she broke down crying. The others all tried to comfort her and feed her the “You gave Mrs. Martinez enough time to live her dream” crap. Yeah, right; I’m sure her family will find that super comforting. The rest of my roommates all flocked around Casey with hugs and words of comfort, but I just stood against the wall with my arms folded. Why should I bother to comfort Casey? She brought this all on herself. She killed a patient, for God’s sake!

And yet somehow even being a patient murderer didn’t stop Casey from becoming the number one intern. Such bullshit. Casey never deserved the number one ranking. That was supposed to be me. It absolutely blows my mind that this girl even made it past her first week. She was late on the very first day! But of course some lady had to collapse in the waiting room, and Casey was at the right place at the right time. And so it happened that she got to impress Dr. Ramsey by assisting him with a hemothorax patient, which by default meant that no one gave a crap that she was late. She got herself lauded as a hero with the power of her luck alone. I, on the other hand, get up at the ass crack of dawn to show up early every day—every single fucking day—and no one gives me any credit for it.

It’s totally unfair. Casey spends all her free time parading herself around with guys, namely Bryce and Rafael. She must have thought no one noticed that she hooked up with Bryce at our housewarming party—I heard everything because I stayed up studying after all the guests left—only to flaunt Rafael right in Bryce’s face at dinner weeks later! I’d like to think that I’m not one to slut shame, but...well, you know. You’d think getting drunk at every opportunity and sleeping around like she does would cause her performance to nosedive, but somehow she’s number one. She even beat Aurora! I knew the competition would be rigged in favor of the chief’s niece. That much was to be expected. But I never in a million years would have imagined that some frivolous, drama-loving girl would snag that elusive top spot by worming her way into the great Ethan Ramsey’s approval. Is she sleeping with him? There must be some reason why he picked her to come to Miami with him. I know there was more to it than just her being number one.

I should be number one. I never slack off. I study way harder than Casey or any of my roommates. Probably even more than any of the other interns. And I don’t let girls get in the way of my progress as a doctor. Casey offered to be my wingwoman at the bar after our first day, but I said no. Sure, I was nervous about talking to the girl at the bar, but more than anything, I knew better than to trust another intern who was probably just trying to distract me so she could make a better first impression than me. And when she offered to get Dr. Ramsey to sign my book for me? Yes, I’ve had literal dreams about working with Dr. Ramsey, but I saw that as the perfect opportunity to make Casey look stupid in the hopes that Dr. Ramsey would laugh at her. She made the better first impression, even though she was late and I was early. So I had to level the playing field a little.

Unfortunately, he actually signed the book. I mean, it was cool, but still. My resentment for Casey started brewing deep inside me that very day. Why was it that she could get my idol to notice her, and I couldn’t? It was so embarrassing that I had to enlist her help to get him to sign my book, even if it was all part of my scheme.

That was when my plan changed. I knew I had to get on Casey’s good side and convince her to put in a good word for me to Dr. Ramsey. But she never did. She claimed the competition would ruin all our friendships, and was even against joining it at first, yet she couldn’t even be bothered to teach Ramsey my name. Some “friend”, I say.

She didn’t teach Ramsey my name, so the only option I had left was to tarnish hers. It was only fair. That’s why one day, when Casey wasn’t looking, I turned off her pager. Ooh, the attendings must have been furious with her! And I’ll never forget the look on Casey’s face when she started treating a patient only to discover that her chart was missing. At first this seemed to have the desired effect. Dr. Mirani’s face went beet red with anger, and he ripped Casey a new one right in front of her patient. I faked words of encouragement to her before standing back and savoring the panic in her eyes, all the while crumpling her chart into a tight ball and hiding it in my scrubs. But that plan didn’t work either; even though some interns laughed, everyone still loved Casey. Everyone who mattered, anyway. If only Dr. Ramsey had seen Casey “lose” her chart.

My next plan was to pull as many nurses as I could aside and tell them that Casey was trash talking them. All of them but Danny believed me, too. Even Jackie believed me when I said that Aurora must have been the one turning off Casey’s pager and hiding her chart! We joked about how pathetic Aurora was, and I smirked to myself as Jackie walked away grumbling about Princess Nepotism, without even the slightest inkling that I was the real culprit. So far, sabotaging a friend—I mean rival—who’s been getting all the recognition I deserve has worked pretty well for me. I guess sometimes life can be fair after all. You just have to make it fair.

From the beginning, Casey clearly had an undeserved advantage. But that was forgivable, because that could be dealt with. I could make her look bad in front of the attendings and get all the nurses to hate her. What couldn’t be forgiven, however, was Mrs. Martinez’s death. She’s gone and she can never be brought back. Mrs. Martinez is dead, all because Casey stole an unapproved drug from a pharma rec—a drug with a forty percent chance of death—and administered it to Mrs. Martinez without the hospital’s knowledge or permission. When Casey first told us of her plan, I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought she was crazy. I told her resolutely that I would have no part in this. She and all my other roommates tried to make me feel bad for telling her that what she wanted to do was wrong, but I stood my ground. She still thought that it was some kind of two-sided argument, but I knew that I was doing the right thing, both legally and morally. But Casey did the wrong thing, and now the only way to even slightly remedy the situation would be to tell Mrs. Martinez’s family exactly how she died. They deserve to know the truth.

And I have the power to give that to them.

The day after I learned what Casey was planning, I paid a visit to Mrs. Martinez myself, during which I brought her some of Sienna’s homemade cookies and one of Elijah’s comic books (both happily gave me what I asked for when I told them I wanted to treat Mrs. Martinez) and asked her to tell me all about her family. Normally I would never waste my time on such unimportant details when there are symptoms to be treated and diagnoses to be made, but Mrs. Martinez’s case was totally different: in the likely event that Casey failed and Mrs. Martinez died, the only comfort Mrs. Martinez’s family could possibly have was to know how she died. And so I politely listened as Mrs. Martinez told me all about her son Luis. Where he lived, what his job was, how special he was to her. I don’t remember a word of what she said to me, but I wrote down where he worked. Then when I got home, I stayed up all night during the longest break I had all week to track Luis down. After a harrowing search, I was just about ready to give up, when I finally found a page about the Luis Martinez on his company’s website, with his contact information at the bottom. I wrote down his email address on a little pink sticky note, which I hid carefully away in a big green textbook.

Except there’s only one problem: several minutes of digging around in my desk drawers has revealed that the big green textbook is not in any of them. I must have left it outside.

I lay an ear against my door and hear the sound of giggles on the other side. Crap. Everyone else is home now too.

I tiptoe into the main living room to find my roommates with their noses buried in their laptops. Sienna folds chocolate chips into a bowl of cookie dough while she reads. Elijah taps out the theme song of one of his favorite shows on the table. Jackie is so deeply engrossed in her own little world of focused studying that even God himself couldn’t shake her out of it if He tried.

The only one not studying is Casey. She speaks in not-so-hushed whispers into her laptop, only stopping occasionally to let Rafael respond. Her feet are propped up on the table, dangerously close to knocking over her coffee. Next to her mug is my green textbook. Of course.

Sienna hears me and looks up. “Hey, Landry!” she says cheerfully. Elijah stops

drumming on the table long enough to wave at me.

For the first time since I started formulating my plan, a strange emotion washes over me. Sadness, perhaps? This little scene of five happy roommates won’t last long after I contact Luis Martinez. The others may have been easy to fool, but Casey will surely figure out I was the one sabotaging her, and then she’ll get everyone to feel bad for her. This little roomie unit is about to meet an untimely, drama-filled death. And it’ll all be because of me.

I thought Casey and I were friends. I really did. Even when I got her to sign the book to make her look stupid. As long as she made me look good, she was a friend in my book.

But she never did. And now she’s going to lose her license and drag the rest of our roommates down with her.

But not me.

I won’t be dragged down.

There is absolutely zero reason why I should feel bad about sabotaging her.

“Uh, Landry?” Casey asks, confused. I realize I’m standing over her, one hand on top of the textbook.

“You didn’t read this, did you?” I blurt before I can think. They cannot know about that little pink sticky note.

“No…” Casey says slowly. She eyes me suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

Shit. My heart begins to race and my hands get clammy as I rack my brain for an excuse. “I just...realized I misdiagnosed a patient!” I lie, grabbing the textbook and scurrying back to my room, ignoring my roommates’ perplexed whispers.

That was too close, I think to myself as I close the door behind me and clutch the textbook to my chest. I set it on my desk and flip to page 329, where the little pink sticky note is waiting for me, all but beckoning me to finally put the information it contains to good use.

This is it. It’s time.

I snag the sticky note and flip open my fully charged laptop. I have at least ten unread emails, but they can wait. Ignoring the emails from work, I log into the fake anonymous account I’ve created just for this. Without a moment’s hesitation, I type Mr. Martinez’s address into the recipient box. Justice is about to be served.

#open heart #choices open heart #landry olsen #one shot #fanfiction

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grammaticalmustaches · 4 years

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Been Super upset for like days now because my room is a Disaster and messy room is just bad to be around in general but also the reason it's fucked is something I just keep stewing over instead of talking out and anyway it's been Bad Vibes and like, I'm not in a state to physically rearrange my room but the need to Reclaim my space is just about even with my need for my space to be Put Back so I just Cannot ask someone else to move things for me because my room has been invaded enough?!!! and IV been legitimately very upset about it but I was just thinking about how like, when I moved in here I could sweep my whole floor in one go and only have Danny getting in the way and rearranging was a joke it was like, not something that happened and I was like 'Ugh why can't I go back to that? What changed?'

I bought furniture is what changed!!! What changed is that my room now has Things in to To Be Rearranged!!!

My room is Full of furniture! And I Love all of it! All of it makes me very happy! Part of what's upsetting me is that I don't feel like I can access really anything but my bed and everything in my room brings me great joy and I want to access it!

I used to just have a matress on the floor and a cat! And even that wasn't mine! Back then the cat wasn't mine and the mattress is still my roommates and I borrowed sheets from my roommates that irritated my skin so much I got rashes!

I literally love my room so so much like? I built this! I built this room! Around me and for me! It is hard to rearrange my room and hard to sweep and hard to take care of everything because I have added so so much! I have a bed frame and a desk and a bookshelf and a big old comfy chair!!! And a million and three fucking Thing for my cat! Who is Mine! I love my room so much! I love this space this is my space I built this!

#taking a moment to pause my bedroom angst to instead feel bedroom joy #really and truly tho i just love my room so much #been hard to access that recently but even when its Like This (horrible) my first grounding/calm down/recenter strategy is Still to just.#look at my door.#its Mine and its closed because i decided it would and its absolutely Covered in scratch marks from my cats assorted bullshit

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uncreativc · 4 years

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* ♡ ╰ wong yukhei. twenty three. cismale + he/him ⁄ any time kendal zheng is in the test kitchen they play boogie by brockhampton. the leo sign has been working at that’s amore for two years as a sugar rusher. since then the ebullient has built a reputation for being goofy & bold but also childish & stubborn. could that be the the reason why their palate enjoys shrimp and pb & j sandwiches ? but it for sure explains why crude drawings on recipes, worn baseball hats, weird late night texts, being loudest person at a party remind me of them. ☇ mars. 18+. she/they. est.

yeah yeah go ahead and say it mars late mars never on time :rolls_eyes:. mars doesnt even know the concept of time so yeah thats who i am and yeah i orbit around nothing thats why my names mars. this is my Himbo kendal no relation to jenner but he might joke about being part of the kardashians. this took way longer than i wanted it too but thats okay watched a video the other day that was doing pokemon races and shuckle won so :D below will be like a semblance of a bio

P I N T E R E S T | D O S S I E R

google searches include: how many teeth do i have, are we running out of almonds, why do people eat corn off the cob, how much would a pyramid cost, am i in a pyramid scheme, if you die on an operating table and come back to life is your birthday changed?

SUUUUPER competitve if there is challenge videos coming out you know hes trying to get in on that. stuck a marble up his nose once to prove he could do it put an entire cupcake in his massive ass mouth no one would stop him. ATE A SPOONFUL OF WASABI FOR WHAT?!

kendal is a middle child and it defintiely shows, their dumbass chaotic nature was definitely born out of being neglected and forgotten about. living in a shadow wasnt the greatest for them and then not even getting the attention of being a baby for long by his moms did their best to be equal with them all but kendal felt ****it****. they play it off as just being goofy and playful most of the time but he can get up to some real trouble when he feels like it. mostly out of just making bad decisions

too much energy - talks too much and is bad for interrupting he generally doesnt really have anything of use to add to a conversation other than weird stories, strange questions, and weird conspiracy theories but hes fun and loud and loves to be the centre of attention. this can be annoying honesly hes friendly and loyal he’d never turn someone down till the day he dies its just... bro is a lot to deal with sometimes hes so much of a loud ass clown and go against clearly something you told him not to do like jump up on a table leave a complete mess in the kitchen squeeze toothpaste in the middle of the tube. you know shit like that.

definitely is scared easily like you could easily scare him in the kitchen hes scared of the most stupid things like dark mirrors, his hair blowing off his body and landing on a dead body and him becoming a suspect for a murder.

he loooooves camping which is kinda funny for someone who gets scared about the most irrational things. does he think a bear is gonna come and rip his tent apart? yeah probably but he still likes it. defintiely went to boy scouts growing up earned a lot of badges learned how to tie knots you know the usual. only had his moms cheat and make him patches like... once or twice.

probably forgot it was your birthday or that you invited him out to something. you know the nana you have that never remembers and just sends random gifts and they say happy birthday. yeah thats him.

a little oblivious he wont know if youve caught feelings for him and assumes everything is just playful until otherwise told thats what he gets for flirting too much without even realizing. it gets him into trouble because people think they have something and he’s just like :O i thought we were just bros. maybe if he wasnt so flirty and dumb this wouldnt be a problem but its not going to stop him any time soon. hes very casually flirty with everyone he meets honestly. hes just a goof and a lot of times that shit comes off as super flirting and if you think it is.... youre right!

hes definitely more of a house party kind of guy or get his and sit on the back porch and launch water ballooons at a friend down on the ground. yeah he probably got a concussion from that once because he didnt realize that whiplash is a thing like a true idiot and it definitely knocked him out cold.

has a peanut allergy jokes about either living by the sword that he does not have but swears that he does or die by his peanut allergy.

likes mood rings pokemon cards and worm on a string. yes hes made people worm on a string before as pretty much a friendship bracelet. imagine a dude at a party blasted out of his mind coming up to you and handing you a worm on a string and saying youre his friend and that you deserve this.

hes a cowboy grew up in the south and definitely plays that up loves dirt biking rock climbing and pretty much everything that doesnt entirely involve working on his farm like he doesnt like horses but does like goats you know?

asked for an extension through email on his wiiu because he lost his computer somewhere

organized mess. you know that chapstick you dropped like three weeks ago he left it there because he knows exactly where it is. like he could just keep things tidy but what would be the fun in that. doesnt follow recipes like ever just kind of tries to eyeball and remember how things were made

WANTED CONS

tinder date/ set ups that either led to something or didnt

good friend who hacked their instagram one night and started responding to dms just funny doesnt have to been anything crude. they do it to each other some nights like just hang out

hookups. good or bad. one night stand or on going.

party friends he gave them a worm on a string or something got really fucked up and they tried to make like exactly mcdonlds nuggets the boot ones all night

they stole something from your muse ( bike, spatula, idk anything ) and they caught them LSMDLSMDLMDSLM

they stayed up one night and tried to fully solve a cold case even went to the library so late that they got kicked out. it was a long night full of energy drinks and crazy theories. they still do this sometimes now.

crushes they can be mutual or one sided i really dont mind. like i said before danny kind of gets crushes really easily and they kind of just dissapear out of nowhere as well but like we could work something out

exes good bad or indifferent i really dont mind

old childhod friends could be from summer camp or an old teammate when he used to play more sports, could be literally anything i am down i love past connects

roommates PLEASE

made edibles that were too strong together ended fucking them over for days

they movie hoped or dine and dashed together like i really dont mind just something funny

someone he makes videos with id love to brainstorm a really stupid like alt series with another sugar rusher or maybe not even a sugar rusher im down for anything

rock climbing/paint ball/laser tag friends? video games like smash or something theyre super competitve together

im good for plotting anything

#amore:intro #〘 ˓ 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌𝘋 — 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟 ˒ 𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑒 〙#/ yup late :D

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classic-rock-roller · 5 years

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1. At the end of that party with those new dudes Kevin and Randy, you start looking for Bonham to tell her that you’re going home with Kevin. You find them on the couch, kissing heavily. Kevin’s initial reaction comes out before you can tell her the plan. “What are you doing?” he asks. Randy reluctantly looks up and says, “Getting scraped to death by my zipper, what do you want?” How do you, Kevin, and Bonham respond, and how does your night go once you leave?

Me: Well, we’re leaving so we’ll talk to you guys later.

I pull Kevin away before he can say anything.

Bons (screaming): Use protection!

Me(Screaming back): You too!

It goes pretty well, and Bons and I recount our nights to each other over takeout and binge-watching tv the night after.

2. You come back onto your band’s tour bus after a show and you hear Bonham and Sean having a weird conversation. Sean says, “I dunno man, there’s something about having your tiddies sucked that’s just kinda…therapeutic.” Bonham responds with, “How on earth would you know that?” “I have had many a sexual encounter.” “You’re like 12!” How do you respond to this conversation and how do they react to seeing you?

Me: Sean, I really don’t need to hear about your sexual escapades. Please.

Bons: He’s a literal child! He shouldn’t be doing any of that yet!

Sean: Bons, I’m 24 almost 25. I have drank with you. I’ve been around the block a few times.

3. You’re taking out the bathroom trash in your house one day and you see a discarded pregnancy test. It’s not yours, so it can only be Bonham’s. You glance at it without really trying to, and you see that it’s positive. The only trouble is, Randy’s dead and she hasn’t been with Rudy for weeks. You ask your husband Tom about it. What does he say, and who do you two think it is? What does Bonham say when you two bring it up to her?

Tom at first gets ecstatic thinking its mine (we’ve been trying for a long time) we both think it’s Bons but when we ask her she says no. We soon realize it’s my sister’s (who came to visit a couple of days before) and we find out the father is Axl. Which we are now on speaking terms GNR and our band but my sister didn’t want to tell us that she was dating him.

4. Kevin is driving you and Bonham and Sean somewhere when you get pulled over by a cop. He tries to roll down the driver’s side window, but it’s stuck. “What do I do? There’s no rule for this!” he says. As a joke, Bonham says, “Stick your head out the sunroof.” Kevin is a literal smartass, so he opens the sunroof and has just poked his head out when the cop walks up. “Sup?” Kevin says. How does the cop respond, and how do you, Bonham, and Sean react to his antics?

Cop: Roll down the window, please.

Kevin: You don’t understand, sir. The window won’t roll down.

Cop: Then step out of the car sir.

Sean is snickering in the back, Bons is rolling her eyes and I hit Kevin in the side, “Get out of the fucking car and listen to the cop.”

5. You and Tom invited Bonham over for dinner one day and she’s late. When she gets there you ask what took her so long and at first, she’s hesitant to say. After a while, you tell her, “We won’t get mad, just tell us where you were.” She says, “Alright fine, I was at Kevin’s house. I originally went because he was borrowing my sheet music binder, but he’s not doing so well. He’s not eating or sleeping; he only ate something today because I told him to. I’m really afraid that he might die.” Tom seems unfazed. How do you and Tom respond? Do you get mad that she was there?

Tom: I have no sympathy for him. He can die for all I care.

Me: Tom! Don’t be a dick. He’s still my friend. Let me go over and check on him. I bet I could get him to eat something. And I’m not mad that you were there.

Tom: If you’re going over there, I’m going with you. I don’t want him trying something.

We go over and when he sees me his eyes light up and he goes, “BabyCarrot!” Although it deflates a bit when he sees Tom. He nods his head, “Tom.” I get him to eat something and plead with him to go get help. He does listen but only after I beg him to go.

6. You and Bonham are sharing a blanket one day because it’s really cold. Tom and one of his friends come in and his friend says, “Dude, you didn’t tell me your roommate was a lesbian. That’s like, the hottest shit ever.” Tom just sighs and says, “That’s my wife and her best friend.” How does the friend respond, and how do you and Bonham react to his assumption?

Eric (his bass player): You got married?!

Tom: Yes you were there last week. You were one of my groomsmen. Maybe if you weren’t strung out on coke you’d remember.

Eric: Oh yeah! I know Am, you’ve been dating her two years. Sorry I didn’t recognize you since you dyed your hair.

Me: ...I didn’t dye my hair.

Tom: You’re still fucking coked out. Aren’t you?

Bons: We are just super close friends. You get used to it after a while.

7. You and Tom decide to visit Bonham’s house one day, and when you get there Kevin is over and she’s giving him advice. They’re sitting on the front porch when you arrive, so they don’t know you’re there right away. You two sneak closer, Tom obviously trying to hear their conversation. You see her pat Kevin on the shoulder and say something, and as she does, Tom shouts, “Just kiss already!” How do they react, and what do you say? What do they say when you and Tom go up to the porch?

Bons: I’m married to Randy. No thank you. I’m good.

Kevin: Blegh, you’d want me to kiss her?

Bons: What are you guys doing here?

Kevin: I’ll see you later, Bons. I’m going to get going.

We tell Bons we’re expecting as Kevin goes down the steps and he stops and comes up and hugs me and Tom before saying, “That’s so great! I’m so happy for you!” After he leaves, Tom goes, “...I didn’t expect that.”

8. You and Tom are hanging out with Bonham one day when out of nowhere Tom says to her, “You need to stop hanging out with that sleazebag.” “Please elaborate,” she says. “Kevin.” “What do you care if I hang out with him you’re not my mom? And I don’t bring him around you two, so what gives?” How does Tom respond, what do you say, and what does Bonham say?

Tom: I just don’t like him. He’s a sleazebag.

Bons: You just don’t like him because he used to date BabyCarrot and you’re worried he’ll take her from you.

Tom just stares at her.

Me: She has a point, Tommy. Although you don’t have to worry. Even though I’m still friends with Kev. I don’t love him like that anymore. I only have eyes for you.

9. You’re hanging out with QR one day when Kevin tries to tell Bonham what to do. “You’re not my dad.” She says. He steps up behind her and stage whispers in her ear, “No, but if you ask nicely I could be your daddy.” before running his hand down the side of her face. How does she react, and what do you and the rest of QR say?

Bons: Step the fuck away from me before I punch you.

Me: Kevin, can you stop being annoying for one second?

Randy: Stop being a creep towards my girlfriend.

Drew: Whoo, she told you.

Rudy was in the bathroom and came out right at the end, “What? What did I miss?”

10. You and Tom are at a party that Crue threw, both of you hoping to get away from your bands for a while. You’re having a good time when Tom suddenly says, “Oh, fuck no.” You ask him what’s wrong, and he says, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that pair over there not Bonham and Kevin?” You look and sure enough, it is. “How did they even know about this?” he says. “If Tommy or Vince were in charge of the invites then they invited Bonham.” you say. Tom looks livid, clearly wanting to give them a piece of his mind. Does he do it? What does he tell them? What do you do? What do they say?

He goes up to them and is about to do it when I dig my fingers into his arm and go, “Tom. I really don’t want to make a scene.” “But he was horrible to you and she still hangs out with him.” “He was not horrible to me.” “He hit you.” “Yeah? And she hit him back because of that. He’s still my friend, no matter how much you hate it.”

We talk pleasantries and I catch up with Kevin. He has a new girl who seems to treat him well. We make plans to meet up for lunch next week with Bons (Tom doesn’t trust Kevin alone with me).

11. You’re just shutting the door after you put Bonham to bed when she passed out from exhaustion when Linus comes up to you. “Max (your manager) wants to talk to you.” You go see Max and he has the whole band in there. “Good, you’re here. I need to make a suggestion to you all. I’ve been feeling lately that Bonham can’t keep up with the rest of you, and tonight really takes the cake. I’m going to make arrangements to have her removed from the band.” How do you, Erik, Linus, and Sean respond? What does Bonham say when Max gives her the news?

Me: How dare you?! She’s a co-leader of the band. You are not having her removed from the band.

Erik, Sean, and Linus: Yeah man!

Max: Well...the label wants us to remove her.

Me: Well, fuck the label. We’ll go somewhere else.

I tell Bons the day after and while she’s touched of our loyalty to her she’s also pissed, “I would have been fine. Now we don’t have a record label.” We are picked up very quickly by another one though.

____________________

1) You and your singer are on a Power Hour episode and Danny is texting Arin to see where he is so you can start. Danny has a confused expression and when you ask what’s wrong, he shows you a long text from Arin. You both read it and its just a string of words and all you gather is something about the Facebook movie and Jessie Eisenberg. You and your singer go ok and about an hour later Arin barges into the room and screams “MARK ZUCKERBERG. That’s the fucker who invented Facebook!” How do you, your singer, and Danny respond?

2) Danny and Arin asked you to bring Tom onto a Power Hour. Your singer finally convinces him and once you get him there you can tell he’s not in his element and is uncomfortable. Arin pulls him into a hug which causes him to stiffen and Danny claps him on the back which almost causes him to fall forward. After the show is over Danny eagerly asks him, “So, what do you think?” There’s a pause before Tom says, “I don’t get why so many people like it and why Bonham and BabyCarrot like to do this so much...It’s kind of stupid.” Arin grumbles under his breath, “Well, Kevin was never like that.” How does Tom respond to Arin’s comment and what do you, Danny and your singer say?

3) You and your singer are at a Bon Jovi concert watching the dress rehearsal as a favor to Jon. After the concert, Jon sits on the edge of the stage with Richie and goes to you and your singer, “So, what did you guys think?” Your singer rubs her eyes and goes, “Jon, you blinded me with all your pyrotechnics. Maybe dial back a bit?” How do you, Jon, and Richie respond?

4) Your singer’s friend, Mick, has joined you on a leg of the tour. They are on the tour bus sitting on the couch. Mick’s head is in your singer’s lap and she is reading while absentmindedly playing with his hair. You come on the bus with Linus, Sean, and Erik and Erik goes, “What are the two of you doing?” Your singer responds, “Just relaxing.” Sean pipes up with, “Are you two dating? I thought you were dating Kevin.” How do your singer and Mick respond and what do you and Linus say?

5) You, Tommy, and Kevin are in line getting food at a truck stop while the tour bus refuels. Kevin looks over at a magazine with a picture of your singer and a guy having lunch and she’s leaning into him and laughing. The headline reads “Who is this new dude? Is she dumping Kevin DuBrow?” You see Kevin’s blood begin to boil and he goes, “I can’t believe she’d fucking do that to me!” Tommy comes up with a bag of chips he’s already opened and is munching on says, “What’s wrong, DuBrow?” Kevin shoves the paper in Tommy’s face. “This is wrong.” Tommy stops shoving chips in his mouth and goes, “Dude...that’s her cousin. The one that’s been on tour with us the entire time.” Kevin blinks. How do you and Kevin respond?

6) You were supposed to go over to Tom and your singer’s house to pick her up for a girls night. You knock on the door but no one comes to answer it. After ten minutes, you use the key your singer gave you and enter the house. The first thing you hear is your singer screaming. You don’t give a second thought but run up to her and Tom’s room and bang open the door. You find Tom overtop of her and the both of them are looking at you. Before you can say anything Tom goes, “Do you mind? We’re a little busy. She’ll be ready to go in like twenty minutes.” What do you say after they open the bedroom door again and how do they respond?

7) Your singer and Nikki have been dating a while (before she dated Kevin) and you and Randy and Nikki and your singer are at a Halloween party. Nikki and your singer disappeared and when they come back you see what looks like two light punctures in her neck. You go, “Oh my god! Are you ok?” Your singer goes, “What?” Before touching her neck, “Oh yeah. I’m fine. Nikki and I just...uh...got busy in one of the guest bedrooms.” Nikki flashes you a shit eating grin and you see his fake vampire teeth. How do you and Randy respond and what does Nikki say?

8) Tom and your singer have just announced their engagement and they are sitting with you and Rudy in your kitchen celebrating. You guys are all talking when all of a sudden, the door bangs open and Kevin comes barging in. He says to you and Rudy (he hasn’t seen your singer or Tom yet), “Can you believe the audacity of them releasing their engagement statement in the same issue as Quiet Riot’s interview?” He rounds the corner to the kitchen and stops dead when he sees your singer and Tom. Tom glares at Kevin and gets up. What does he say or do, what does Kevin say, and how do you, your singer, and Rudy respond?

9) You and your band have been drinking pretty heavily and at one point Linus pats Sean on the head and goes, “You can fit so many dumb fucking decisions in this bad boy.” How does Sean respond to this and what do you, your singer and Erik say?

10) Tom comes to you and your singer one day and goes, “Can you please cover this song with these guys?” He hands you and your singer a picture and you look up at him, “Britny Fox?” “Yeah, the drummer and guitarist were in my band before we had to replace them to get a record label and I’m trying to get them signed. Please, it would mean the world to them. And me.” How do you and your singer respond? Do you do it?

11) Tom and your singer have been trying to have a kid since they’d gotten married a year ago. Your singer just found out she was three months pregnant. One day you get a call from her and she’s in hysterics, all you get out of the phone call is, “Get Tom.” You pick Tom up from the recording studio and once you get back to their house, it’s deathly quiet. You find your singer in her and Tom’s room. The sheets are a bit bloody and she’s laying with her back facing you and she’s staring at the wall. Tom says her name softly and she turns to you. She has huge tears in her eyes and they’re very red. She looks to the both of you and goes, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. The baby...I...” She can’t get any more out before bursting into tears. What do you and Tom say and what do you do?

@osbournebemydaddy your turn Bons :)

#tag game #tag war

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niennaerso · 6 years

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The Roommate Prank Chapter 7

Word Count: 650

Author’s Note: Oh my god! I barely did it! Day 7 of the @phanfichallenge writing week! It’s almost midnight and I’m surprised I was able to finish this. Enjoy!

“I’m sorry, Danny, I didn’t want to make you feel bad.” He whispered on Dan’s ear, still not letting go of the hug. Neither of them was complaining though.

“Phiiiil… don’t call me Danny, you know I don’t like it.” Dan murmured back.

“You do when it’s me, Bear.” Phil rested his chin on Dan’s shoulder.

“Can’t argue with that.” Dan sighed and leaned his head against Phil’s.

“Wanna move to the couch?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded and sadly the hug came to an end. They walked towards the piece of furniture and then let themselves fall onto it in perfect synchronization. The younger boy turned his body a bit to the left, so he was facing his best friend, and conveniently, his knee was almost on top of Phil’s thigh.

“Did you really caught the closest flight to come back?” Dan questioned, even though he already knew the answer. Things verbally confirmed were nice.

“I did.” He responded looking away, fearing that he might keep staring at his best friend’s eyes.

“So you’re not sick of me?”

“Never. Gonna. Happen.” ‘Because I love you’ he wanted to add, but the words stayed in his mouth.

“Okay first of all, I thought you were gonna rickroll me, and secondly, how are you so sure of that…?”

“Oh my god, Dan, don’t ruin the moment with your meme lord branding. And to answer your question, I am, because I know you matter to me.”

“You matter to me, too.” Dan giggled while his face turned red.

“Damn, thanks, I was hoping I did.” Phil said mildly joking.

Both laughed and looked at the floor, both for their own reasons. Phil did because he thought that came out too strong and Dan did because he was blushing way too hard. Hearing those words coming from Phil was amazing, but he needed more. Or rather, just the same message but worded differently.

“Let’s make it clear, okay?” Dan suddenly found the confidence he wasn’t aware he possessed, and took the first step. Phil tilted his head and looked at him a bit confused.

“You mean the ‘matter’ thing?” He asked and Dan nodded. “It means whatever you want it to mean.” Phil took Dan’s hands between his, if it would make Dan understand it better. “It means you matter, especially to me, in every single sense of the word itself, Dan.”

“Thank god” Dan whispered, and the next thing Phil knew is that he had his best friend sat across his lap. The boy had his arms around his neck, and it happened so fast that he didn’t notice it immediately. Phil giggled and hugged Dan by the waist like his life depended on it. It kind of did.

Phil leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Dan’s cheek. He got the exact reaction he was waiting for: a cute, blushed, and paralyzed Dan.

“I like you way too much as to leave.” He then said with a little laugh.

“I like you too, you spork.” Dan relaxed in Phil’s arms, and imagined spending a lifetime in that same position. He liked it. He liked the position. And he liked the idea very much.

“For how long?”

“For how long I’ve liked you?”

“Mhmm.”

“I’m not gonna say that. It’s embarrassing.” Dan shook his head.

“No. What’s embarrassing is that we’ve failed to notice what our friends, viewers and literally everyone else in the world could see through a fucking screen.”

“Ooh, it made you swear. Fair enough.”

“So?” Phil smirked.

“So what?”

“Answer my question!”

“Since 2009 okay? Get over it.” Dan looked away, trying –and failing– to not be embarrassed.

“Bloody hell, Dan! We have wasted a lot of time!”

“Yes, Philly. I am aware.” Dan laughed.

“That ends today.” So he leaned forward even more to close the space between their faces, to share the first of many kisses.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phan fluff #phanfichallenge #weekc

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martxoa · 7 years

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Why Yes, I Have Written a Fanfic of a Fanfic: The Fanfic.

Okay, a bit of background: @ariabauer wrote The Ultimate Coffee Shop AU, which I highly recommend. It is literally a coffee shop AU of Laura as a barista playing matchmaker by manufacturing various coffee shop AU tropes for its patrons. Which is as fluffy as it sounds.

There’s a brief cameo of Elle/Danny (my personal favorite crackship) because, and I’m paraphrasing, ‘you spent so long working on it that when I needed ships I thought ‘yes, this amuses me let’s do it.’ xD Which I appreciated.

I mentioned in the comments that I was half tempted to write a little spinoff of it and I kind of...well here ya go. A brief telling of the Coffee Shop AU from Elle’s POV.

(For the record, none of this is canon to the fic it was inspired by. This was something I wrote last night because I had writer’s block.)

Lastly, thanks again to Aria for the cameo who like...I hope won’t find me writing this...too weird...? :P Fic under the cut:

Elle liked the coffee and it was on her way to study group in the library.

That was the only reason she still went to her ex girlfriend’s coffee shop.

Her roommates liked to tease her. Well, Charlotte--Emily was too nice to continue after the first time Elle pushed them away with a grumpy, “quit it guys.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh come on, Elle, it’s funny,” Charlotte caught back up with her again and gently bumped her hip. “You broke up with Carmilla and you still show up every month to flirt with her.”

“I do not flirt with her,” Elle huffed.

“Then why do you always talk to her and not the other girl?”

“Who, Laura?” Elle stopped and started laughing. “Guys, she’s terrible at making coffee. It’s kind of funny. I don’t know why she works there. Once Carmilla wasn’t at the counter and Laura made my coffee and I’m pretty sure that she didn’t even know what I ordered. She just threw a bunch of stuff in a cup and then threw sprinkles on it. The only thing she understood was ‘sprinkles.’”

“I don’t know, maybe they just don’t have enough people to work there?” Emily suggested. “She’s really nice. I’ve gone in a few times during her shift.”

Elle nodded. The three girls stopped in front of the shop and Elle turned to face them.

“I like the coffee,” she stated. “That is it. I swear. Besides, I’m pretty sure Laura is like, really into her anyway.”

Of course she was nice to Carmilla at the counter. It made things less awkward for both of them. But that didn’t necessarily mean she was flirting.

“She is?” Emily gasped. “Oh, that would actually be kind of nice, wouldn’t it?”

“Everytime I talk to Carmilla she stares at me like I kicked her puppy.” Elle shrugged and turned away from them. “I’ll meet you guys at the library, unless you want coffee.”

“No, we’re good,” Charlotte answered. “We get ours at Starbucks. See you Elle.”

“You know Starbucks is like, fake hipster now!” Elle called after them. She laughed a little to herself before she walked into Carmilla and Laura’s store.

Elle walked to the counter. There was a little bell and she tapped it, turning around and looking at the store.

She always felt a little...strange being in there. The coffee was great--well, if Carmilla made it--but it was always full of couples. More than any other place she’d ever been to. Everyone was paired up with somebody except for, Elle noticed, one lady sitting near the aisle. Which was new.

She was a girl with long red hair tied up in a braid, swiping away at something on a tablet with a coffee in hand. She looked totally serene, smiling softly at whatever she was reading. Elle found herself watching her for a few moments.

“Hey Elle! What can I get you?”

Elle was startled out of watching Cute Redhead Coffee Girl by Laura. “Oh! Um, hey Laura.”

“Hello, Elle. What can I get ya’?”

She tilted her head a little. “No Carmilla today?”

“Busy,” she answered curtly, still smiling cheerfully. Elle frowned a little.

“Oh. Okay. I’ll have my usual iced chocolate mocha with a shot of espresso topped with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles.”

“Coming right up!”

She disappeared to make the coffee. Elle waited with some trepidation. Laura finally walked back out, holding the coffee.

“There you go.”

Elle took it. It wasn’t as perfect as when Carmilla made it, but it was definitely not undrinkable. “Thank you,” Elle said politely. She dropped her money into Laura’s hand, turning around and beginning to walk out. She was going to pass right by Redhead Girl, and Elle tried not to look at her. She didn’t want to be weird.

“Oh, Elle, wait! I forgot your sprink--”

She felt Laura hit her, sending Elle flying. Elle felt like she had been tackled from behind in a game of football. She braced herself for hitting the floor.

Except she didn’t.

Because she landed in someone’s lap. The iced coffee fell all over both of them and Elle spluttered, wiping at her face.

“What just happ--”

Elle opened her eyes and completely forgot what she was saying.

The girl was looking down at her. Coffee was staining the front of her baseball jacket, and her face was turning bright red.

“I’ll go get you a new drink,” Laura said, turning around. Elle thought that maybe she heard a hint of smugness in Laura’s voice.

She really, really didn’t care at the moment.

Because the girl was looking at her. Right at her.

“Uh...hi,” she stated.

“Hi.”

They stared at each other for another beat before Elle realized what was happening.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry!” Elle scrambled out of her lap, ending up on the floor. She looked up at the girl, smiling sheepishly. “You have coffee all over you. I didn’t get your tablet wet, did I?”

She smiled. “No, you’re good--here.” She held out her hand and Elle took it. Her hand was warm and a little wet from the coffee. Elle stood up.

“My name is Elle, by the way.”

“Danny Lawrence.”

“Sheridan. I mean, my last name is Sheridan. Since you gave me your last name and I didn’t give you mine. My full name is Elle Sheridan.”

Danny unzipped her baseball jacket, revealing a soft cotton flannel. She shrugged the jacket off.

“Did you want to sit?” Danny asked.

“I have a study group,” Elle said, before she could stop herself.

“Oh. Okay…”

Laura wasn’t back with the coffee yet. Elle shifted in place uncomfortably, her throat dry.

“I’m a brit lit major,” Elle added, trying to figure out what to say. Danny’s face lit up.

“Hey, I’m an English major! I’m a TA for Professor Cochrane.”

And the moment she saw Danny’s smile light up, Elle knew she would sacrifice a test grade for this.

“Actually, you know what, I feel good about my next test.” Elle sat down. “So, you come here often?”

It was a terrible line, which Elle realized right after she said it, but Danny leaned in and had no problem with it.

“Elle, I have your coffee!” Laura walked back to the table. “Here you go.”

“Right, thanks,” Elle answered absentmindedly, fumbling with her hand behind her, not even bothering to look back. She finally managed to grab the coffee and put it down on the table. She kept talking to Danny for a few minutes until Danny sighed, looking at her jacket again.

“I should probably get this washed,” she said. “I think there’s a laundromat near here.”

“Yeah, I should do that too,” Elle grabbed her blouse, which was clinging from the wetness. “I can come with you?”

Danny tilted her head and smirked. “Don’t you need clothes to, you know, change into?”

Elle blushed. “Y-yeah, of course--”

“I mean I definitely wouldn’t complain, but I would think you would want to bring some.”

Elle bit her lip. Danny rubbed the back of her neck.

“Sorry. I was joking. Too risque?”

“I think that was just the right amount, to be honest.”

Danny coughed and took a sip of her coffee.

“You know,” Elle added, “I mean...I live with a couple of roommates and we have a washing machine in our apartment. If you don’t want to spend the money.”

Danny’s face turned a shade darker and Elle shook her head.

“I mean you’d literally just be doing your laundry, gosh. You’re cute but you’re not that cute.”

Danny’s eyes widened. She got up, grabbing her tablet.

“That’s really nice of you,” Danny said carefully. “I would...yeah, I guess that wouldn’t hurt.”

Elle grinned. She bit the knuckle of her thumb as Danny turned and started to leave before she followed Danny.

As it turned out, Elle lied. Right before Danny left her apartment, she couldn’t resist slipping her number into the pocket of her now clean jacket before she left. So it was a little more than laundry. But only a little.

It turned into a club that met in the library. The Laura Hollis Matchmaking Club. Elle didn’t really want to join.

“Danny, do you understand how awkward it is to try and get my ex girlfriend together with a new girlfriend?”

“Listen, Elle, you don’t have to do anything.” Danny grabbed Elle’s shoulders and gave her a quick kiss. “But Laura is my friend and I need to do this for her.”

Elle pouted.

“I mean, don’t I owe Laura?” Danny grinned. “If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have the best girlfriend in the world.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Lawrence,” Elle mumbled, trying to look stern even as Danny kept kissing down the side of her face. She finally gave in. “Besides, I still think it's weird. Laura is playing God. That's strange.”

“Mm-hm, and you're complaining?”

“You know what? Hand me my jacket.”

“You're coming?”

“To support my girlfriend? Sure. Besides, maybe playing Cupid will be fun.”

Of course, Elle’s suggestions were not exactly well received at first.

“Alright, operation Hollstein Coffee Shop AU is a go,” LaFontaine said, writing on a whiteboard. “We're going to do a flow chart. Any ideas?”

Elle raised her hand.

“Uh...Sheridan.”

“Blow something up,” Elle suggested.

LaFontaine grinned at her, giving her an air high five.

“No, we are not blowing anything up!” Perry gasped.

“I'm not saying anyone should get hurt,” Elle protested. “Just something for them to bond over. Danny?”

Her girlfriend, arm slung around Elle’s shoulders, looked away from her.

“Really, sweetheart?”

“Elle, you just think it'd be funny to have something blow up in Carmilla's face.”

“If you have any better ideas--”

“Lawrence, control your woman,” Mel said. “Seriously.”

“That's sexist,” Elle and Danny answered at the same time.

“I'm just saying the ex girlfriend shouldn’t have a huge say in this, you know?”

“Bros, why don’t we just get them to share a brownie or something?” Kirsch suggested. “It worked for me and SJ!”

Everyone else agreed. Elle rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. It was decided that they would be the ones that would come in at the end of a shift, and get a brownie. Then it was up to them to figure out how to get Laura and Carmilla to split it.

“How do you want to do this, Elle?” Danny whispered at their table.

“Leave it to me. I’ll just pretend to be sick.”

Danny raised an eyebrow. “Alright. Just be careful not to like...make it look too fake.”

Elle looked at Danny. She pushed the coffee away from her and coughed a little.

“Elle?”

“I’m fine I just--ack, ack!--suddenly feel a little--” She covered her mouth and kept coughing.

Danny’s eyes widened. She leaned back a little as Elle groaned, clutching her stomach. Her coughing got more and more dramatic until she was practically turning red.

Laura walked back to the table. “Hey, guys, so I have your brown--Elle? Are you okay?”

“Oh God, suddenly my stomach is just--ugh,” she finally slumped over in her chair, still moaning.

“...Elle, isn’t feeling well,” Danny said. “I think I’m going to help get her home.”

“Oh,” Laura frowned. “Feel better, Elle.”

“Thank--ack--you Laura,” Elle wheezed.

“Do you want me to wrap up--”

“Don’t even bother,” Danny interrupted, getting up and helping Elle to her feet. “Why don’t you split it with Carmilla?”

Laura looked back at the counter, where Carmilla was watching events unfold with a perplexed expression.

“I...guess…”

“Great cool see you Hollis!”

Danny dragged Elle out as she continued pretending to be on the verge of projectile vomiting. People were starting to look. Someone stared at them both, and Danny responded with a sheepish smile.

“Uh...don’t have what she’s having,” Danny advised, before pulling her straight out of the shop.

As soon as they were outside Elle straightened up, flipped her hair back into place, and smiled sweetly.

“And done.”

“You are unbelievable.”

“In a good way though, right? Hold on, I want to see if it worked--I think it did.”

Laura and Carmilla were standing at the counter together, sharing the brownie. But it didn’t look like they were doing anything else.

“Great,” Elle said. “Now can we try blowing something up?”

Danny put her arm around Elle. “Can we just go home now?”

“Depends which one you’re talking about.”

Danny leaned in, kissing Elle quickly. Elle leaned in after Danny when she pulled back.

“My place is closer,” Danny answered. “You want to see who can get there faster?”

Elle grinned. She pushed Danny as she ran past her, and Danny laughed before chasing after her.

The brownie didn’t work.

Kirsch and SJ tried the music thing, which also didn’t end up working, mostly because none of them could, no matter how hard they tried, find a genre of music Carmilla and Laura both liked. Although they did see Laura force Carmilla into a quick, goofy waltz behind the counter before Carmilla stopped, which they considered a win.

After months of work, everyone had come up with a plan. Everyone except--

“Seriously, blow something up.”

“Will you stop suggesting explosions?!” Perry exclaimed.

Everyone else shushed her. It was a library, after all.

“Well, nothing else we’re doing has worked,” Elle answered, pouting. “Laura doesn’t take this long to get a couple together. This calls for drastic measures.”

“I still think you just want to drench your ex girlfriend in coffee or something,” Elsie pointed out.

“And if you guys have any more ideas you’re free to try those instead.”

Everyone looked at each other. LaFontaine sighed.

“Alright, Sheridan, if you want to give it a shot feel free.”

Elle looked at everyone. She jumped out of her seat, grabbed the marker from LaFontaine, and started writing on the whiteboard.

“Okay, I call this Operation Coffee Machine Blow Up. LaFontaine, you’ve seemed onboard with the plan from the beginning and I appreciate it, so you get to sabotage the machine…”

Elle planned everything that particular time, so she stayed away from its actual execution. Still, she couldn’t stand not seeing it happen, so she stayed at a table near the front, away from the counter, keeping her head bowed.

Danny distracting Laura: Check.

Perry keeping Carmilla preoccupied: Check.

LaFontaine gleefully messing with the coffee machine: Check. All according to plan.

When Carmilla and Laura head back to the counter, Carmilla pulled Laura in by the apron, Laura brushed some cocoa powder on her shoulder, and for a moment all of the people for Operation Hollstein held their breath at the thought that maybe they wouldn’t need to blow anything up after all. Elle rolled her eyes when they broke apart.

Elle caught the eye of the others and they all shared a really? Look of annoyance. Elle caught Laura trying to give Danny a thumbs up, almost catching LaFontaine waving their arms.

Then all Hell broke loose.

“Carmilla! Laura’s going to blow us all up!”

Elle had to admit this about her ex girlfriend; she’d broken up with her because she didn’t seem to care about anything. She’d never seen Carmilla care more than when she jumped to Laura’s side, furiously pressing buttons and trying to stop the machine. When it didn’t work, Carmilla grabbed Laura and heroically saved her from the scalding hot steam as they both landed on the ground.

She couldn’t help herself; Elle jumped up, running to Danny’s side to try and see what was happening on the ground.

Carmilla and Laura were kissing, covered head to toe with lukewarm coffee. Elle had expected to feel a sense of elation, a sort of revenge joy in seeing her ex girlfriend drenched.

Instead she felt something different. The same happy feeling she’d expected but...not because Carmilla had to deal with a broken coffee machine.

She was happy for her.

Happy that Carmilla managed to get her own coffee shop AU. Happy that the girl she’d been helping make other people fall in love for months had finally realized she wanted to make Carmilla love her too.

She was so stunned at the revelation that she didn’t even say anything as everyone else started cheering when they got up. She said nothing as LaFontaine explained their plan and nothing as Danny talked about wanting to return the favor. Elle didn’t say anything as Carmilla pulled Laura in again and everyone started congratulating each other with high fives and friendly pats on the back.

“Hey, Elle!”

She was snapped out of it by Perry, shaking her hand. “I want to say that well...that turned out to be a good plan, after all. Sorry for dismissing it every time it came up.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Carmilla was watching. Elle swallowed.

“Yeah, well, thank you. What can I say? Maybe I should find my own coffee shop to play Cupid in.”

Perry laughed, going back to talk to LaFontaine. Danny looked back to Elle, taking her hand.

“Hey, Cupid in training,” Danny said teasingly, kissing her on the cheek, “want to head out and celebrate?”

“Uh, I’ll meet you outside.”

Danny looked confused, but she agreed. Elle looked back at Carmilla, walking up to the counter.

“Carmilla?”

She turned away from Laura. “Elle. Should have guessed you’d have the world’s most extra plan.”

“Look, I just wanted to say...congratulations, okay?” She looked at Laura. “And, um, thank you. You guys deserve this. Really.”

Laura smiled. “Thanks, Elle. I was especially happy with your match.”

Elle nodded quickly before she turned and was about to go.

“Hey, Elle,” Carmilla called after her. Elle looked back.

“You deserve this too.”

Elle smiled.

“But also, fuck you for coming up with blowing up the coffee machine.”

Laura hit Carmilla lightly and scolded her for the language. Elle laughed. She gave Carmilla a joking salute and went back to find Danny.

“What was that?” Danny asked.

“Just basking in the glory of my own success,” Elle grabbed Danny’s hand. “You know when I become famous and start setting up millionaires with my patented ‘explosion’ technique, I want you to know you’ll always come first.”

Danny snorted. “You are always so extra.”

“Hey, be nice,” Elle answered, pouting. “If I think we’re starting to have problems, who knows what will happen to the washing machine next time you use it.”

“You are lucky you’re cute.”

“Yes. Yes I am. But I’m more lucky to be dating you.”

“It wasn’t luck, it was Laura Hollis,” Danny pointed out.

Elle shook her head fondly, sighing as she pulled Danny away.

#fanfic #lol this was kind of fun #ellanny

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artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

Mesmerized (Biadore) - Miss Bianca

A/N: This is my first time submitting, even though I have experience with fanfic from other fandoms. I saw the requests for biadore in the asks, and I wanted some too, so I just…did it.

This is m/m (no smut though), and set in this universe. I just added Bianca to the 2016 BOTS Europe tour because I loved that cast and time period, so imagine that. I use both drag and non-drag names and male and female pronouns, depending on whether they’re in drag or not. Hope y'all like it, and I’d love feedback! Thanks guys. - Miss Bianca

Bianca isn’t a maid.

She repeats that to herself in her head, determined, even as she picks up Adore’s shoes and dresses from the floor of their shared hotel room. It’s a half hour before they’re supposed to be on the elevator heading to the van, and she’s already in full drag, minus her heels.

Danny, however, is not. He’s been awake for all of ten minutes, and has been showering for eight of those. Of course, he’d forgotten that they were performing in the hotel theater this time, and getting ready in their rooms beforehand.

With a long sigh, Bianca peers in the mirror, patting the side of her wig and hoping that there won’t be any loose hairs by the time she’s done cleaning. The makeup strewn over Adore’s side of the counter below the mirror is a mess, and after a moment Bianca starts organizing that too, her hands itching for activity.

The compulsive organizer in her is at her most active when she’s stressed, and everything about the BOTS tours is stressful, from the reckless behavior of her younger ‘sisters’ to the constant traveling and Danny’s unrealistic sleeping habits.

Basically, her past month or so has been a nearly nonstop buzz of anxiety and stress. It’s almost always there. And that’s why she’s cleaning compulsively.

“You’re not a maid,” she reminds herself firmly, out loud this time.

Perfectly on cue, the bathroom door cracks open and Danny’s head pokes out, hair wet, a grin on his face.

“Nah, you’re like a little housewife or something,” he comments, and Bianca glares at him. “What? It’s a great look on you.”

“Get dressed, bitch,” Bianca snaps, flipping him off. “You’re making me late.”

Danny laughs, his nose scrunching up, and then the bathroom door clicks closed. Bianca flips Adore’s eyeshadow cases shut, and sweeps all of the lipsticks into her hand before setting them neatly upright against the wall.

There’s no point to any of this, she realizes. In a few minutes, Danny’s going to paw through his shoes and makeup as he transforms into Adore for the night, and a mess is going to be left on the counter and the floor just like it was last night, and the night before.

And Bianca will come back to the room first, drunk, and look at the mess, and then fall asleep as soon as she’s de-dragged. And then, she’ll have unsettling dreams about the mess swallowing up the whole room, until she can’t find anything and she’s late to all of her shows.

Bianca figures Danny’s a great roommate other than the messiness, though.

Well, aside from the weird sleep habits and the faint but neverending smell of weed that hovers around him and the constant connection with his phone screen. And the pizza boxes that manage to show up in the room most nights, sometime between when Roy goes to sleep and Danny does.

So really, he’s not a great roommate at all.

But there’s something about him that calms her down, with the way he talks and touches her casually. At least, when he’s not too busy stressing her out by being late.

To be fair, there’s no one outside of the ABCDs of drag that Bianca would be able to tolerate sharing space with anyway. And Darienne’s not on the tour cast. And Bianca doesn’t trust Courtney not to bring men back to the room at night.

That leaves Danny, the most tolerable.

Also Bianca’s (and Roy’s) favorite, even though she’d never say it out loud. Mostly because Danny would probably tweet about it, or put something on snapchat, or bring it up in every single conversation for the rest of their lives.

She thinks Danny knows, though. Adore can get away with murder around Bianca, and she’s probably the only person in the world who can. Someone’s bound to notice sooner or later that she’s Bianca’s soft spot.

The bathroom door swings open, and Danny stumbles out sleepily, wearing a loose, low-cut dress that will inevitably make Michelle Visage fume all night.

“Hurry up,” Bianca says pointlessly, and Danny flips her off with a grin before sitting down in front of the mirror and knocking over all of his lipsticks as he reaches for foundation.

Shaking her head, Bianca perches on the edge of her bed, eyeing the uncomfortable heels that she’s going to be wearing all night. The whole room is neat, with nothing left for her to tidy, and her pulse is faster than it should be, body stiff with nerves and stress.

“I need a drink,” she mutters.

“No, you don’t,” Danny argues. “You need to stop drinking when you’re stressed.”

“You need to stop making me stressed, bitch.”

“It’s not my fault that you’re high strung,” Danny shrugs. “Anyways, I’m just trying to look out for you. You always do for me.”

“You left a half hour to get ready for a drag show, like a fucking idiot,” Bianca retorts instantly, the words coming out a bit harsher than she intends. Danny glances at her in the mirror, hurt showing in his eyes, and Bianca winces. “You don’t get to mother me, is what I meant,” she says, her voice quieter.

“Whatever.”

“I don’t wanna pay the minibar fees anyway,” Bianca adds.

Danny doesn’t reply, and Bianca’s heart rate jumps again as she inevitably starts to fret that she’s actually upset him. Danny is sensitive, even more so out of the armor that is Adore, and Bianca suspects that something in him really thinks that she means it whenever she insults him. It’s why she tries not to.

She clenches her hands into fists, her eyes closing for a moment. He was only trying to look out for her, and she’d had to go and snap at him. He wasn’t even wrong, which was the worst part. She did need to drink less.

“We can just get shots at the bar before the show,” she suggests, an attempt at a peace offering, but Danny only shrugs.

Swallowing, Bianca thinks for a moment. She slides off of her bed, walking over to where Adore’s wigs are laying in bags, and rifles through them for a moment with shaky, nervous hands, before one catches her eye.

In a few moments, the wig is set on her spare mannequin. It’s the blonde one with the dark roots that Adore had had since drag race, not even a lace-front, but still one of Bianca’s favorites. She grabs a comb and a can of hairspray, and starts fixing the wig as quickly as she can, teasing up the curls.

When she glances over at Danny, he’s been replaced almost entirely by Adore, staring at her own face in the mirror. Bianca watches as she sets the eyelashes in place, and reaches for a nude lipliner, leaning in close as she draws the familiar lines.

She goes to reach for a nude lipstick, but Bianca steps closer and grabs a lighter one instead. Adore frowns, confused.

“This’ll go better with the wig,” Bianca explains, and Adore peers past her, a small smile growing on her lips as she sees the wig that Bianca’s done for her on the dresser.

“Thanks,” Adore says, looking up at Bianca, eyes wide and surprised.

“No problem,” Bianca responds easily, her nerves calmed a bit as she sees the affection growing again in Adore’s eyes.

A few minutes later, Adore is securing her wig, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she checks herself over one last time in the mirror.

“You’re gorgeous, come on,” Bianca says impatiently, hovering by the door with her bag over her shoulder.

“I know,” Adore drawls, turning to the side and checking out her own ass. “Let me feel my -”

“Don’t,” Bianca interrupts with a laugh. “Shut up and get over here.”

Rolling her eyes, Adore steps into her heels and follows Bianca out the door. As they walk towards the elevator, Adore takes her hand, squeezing, and Bianca knows she’s forgiven.

The warm weight of Adore’s hand in hers is calming, holding her steady and secure, soothing the fluttering of her heartbeat.

“Hey, Bea?”

“Hmm?”

“Why does it take you, like, forever to get in drag?”

“Bitch, how many times do I gotta tell you?” Bianca shakes her head, looking up at Adore incredulously. “I put my dick under the wig, that’s how I get the height. You think that shit happens quickly?”

Adore laughs, and Bianca rolls her eyes. She knows Adore’s heard that joke a hundred times by now, and it has to be some kind of miracle that she still thinks it’s funny.

“Okay, but, seriously. Why?”

“Are you calling me a liar, Adore Delano?’

“No, c’mon! I wanna know!” Adore’s half whining now, her eyes slightly squinted as she grins.

The elevator doors open, and Bianca pulls Adore inside.

“Listen,” Bianca says finally. “We can’t all roll out of bed fifteen minutes before call time and wobble around like the little mermaid right after she got her legs, okay? Some of us have to have their shit together.”

“That wasn’t supposed to be an insult, right?” Adore drawls. “Because I’m literally a mermaid.”

“Mmhm, yeah, yeah.”

“Straight from the ocean, bitch.”

“Shut it, fishtail.” Bianca rolls her eyes.

“You looooove me,” Adore teases in a low voice. She’s pressed herself closer to Bianca’s side, and her lips are right by her ear, the sensation raising goosebumps on Bianca’s chest.

“You’re a whore, get off me,” Bianca retorts halfheartedly, and Adore only laughs breathily before pressing her lips softly to Bianca’s cheek. Bianca’s eyes flutter shut.

The gentle kiss only lasts a moment, but it’s long enough that Bianca swears she can still feel the imprint of Adore’s lips burning on her skin after she pulls away. Bianca shivers, and Adore squeezes her hand again, pulling her back down to earth.

“You better not have gotten lipstick on me, queen,” Bianca warns after a moment.

“I didn’t!” Adore insists.

Bianca’s about to make a snarky comment, but the elevator comes to a stop, the doors opening to let in Violet and Katya.

“Vies!” Adore exclaims, and then her hand isn’t in Bianca’s anymore and she’s surging forwards to cling to Violet instead. And like clockwork, as soon as Adore and her attention are gone, Bianca starts to feel anxious again.

“Hey, babe,” Violet laughs, stumbling back a few steps and wrapping an arm tight around Adore’s waist. “Chill for a sec, I’m cinched really tight and I might fall over.”

Sighing, Bianca leans back against the wall of the elevator, pointedly looking away from the two younger queens. They’re always touchy with each other, in a way that’s close to being sexual, almost all of the time.

Bianca knows it probably doesn’t mean anything, but it pisses her off to no end regardless. Particularly when Violet pulls Adore away from her side, like now.

The elevator hits the ground floor, and Adore and Violet exit first, still tangled up. Bianca stalks out after them, wishing she could set Violet on fire with the force of her glares, her heels clicking angrily against the marble floor.

After a moment, a shoulder bumps against hers, pulling her out of her vengeful thoughts. She turns to see Katya next to her, wearing a dress printed with knives and smiling brightly, as always.

“Violet asks if I wanna fuck most nights, you know,” Katya says conversationally.

“Who would’ve thought,” Bianca deadpans, and Katya laughs, completely unfazed by her bitterness. They follow Adore and Violet through a door at the edge of the lobby, walking down the dimly lit corridor to backstage.

“I almost said yes one time, but I’m glad I didn’t,” Katya continues. “I think her hungry asshole might’ve swallowed me up. Fully.”

Bianca glances at her, and Katya only grins wider.

“You’re crazy,” Bianca says observationally.

“Certified psychopath, mama,” Katya agrees. “But listen.”

“I am listening, bitch.”

“The point is that Violet’s always like that,” Katya continues, more seriously. “It’s got nothing to do with Adore. Shit, if you didn’t act like you hated her, she’d probably be in your lap right now doing her best to pop your tuck.”

When Bianca looks at her again, Katya’s eyes are softer than usual. There’s something so infinitely wise about them that Bianca feels almost like a child throwing a tantrum next to her, instead of a forty year old man in a wig.

For a moment, she wonders if Katya’s somehow read her mind, and is trying to comfort her somehow with this bizarre bit of oversharing.

“So she’s a whore, is what you’re saying,” Bianca says after a moment to lighten the mood, raising an eyebrow as they come to a stop outside the green room.

“Absolutely. Straight up hooker, gila monster, herpes-ridden -”

“I get it,” Bianca cuts her off with a laugh. “Fuck, two hookers in one hotel room. Reception must be busy calling you about your customers all night.”

“Yes gawd!” The corners of Katya’s eyes crinkle with delight as Bianca joins in on her joke. “Don’t fret about it, Barbara. I know who Vi stalks on instagram at three AM, and it’s not Adore.”

Katya pats Bianca’s arm before heading down the hallway towards the stage.

“Wait, who is it?” Bianca calls after her, a moment too late, just as she rounds the corner and disappears from view. “Fuck you!”

With a sigh, Bianca steps into the green room, pushing past Sharon and Jinkx and quickly finding an empty seat in front of the mirror.

“Hey, pussyface,” Courtney chirps.

“Hey, Court.”

Bianca falls easily into mindless chatter with Courtney and Jinkx, eating up the time before the show.

They’ve been touring for awhile, and by now, the show is routine enough that Bianca hardly even has to think the whole way through. She watches from the wings and goes through the motions for her segments.

It’s not until Adore covers Purple Rain, near the end of the show, that Bianca actually starts paying attention. The performance pulls Bianca out of her bad mood, and she watches, mesmerized, the emotion in Adore’s voice moving enough to tug at even Bianca’s cold, dead heart.

When Adore leaves the stage, magnetic and burning with emotion, her gaze moves quickly over the collection of queens watching before fixing on Bianca.

She makes a beeline for her, brushing away the tears forming in her eyes from her performance before falling into Bianca’s open arms with a breathless laugh.

Bianca wraps her up in a hug, holding her tightly, sighing as she feels her body relax. Adore, on the other hand, is shaky in her arms, buzzing with energy from the electric crowd and her leftover high from smoking earlier.

“That was fucking incredible, Adore,” Bianca breathes.

“Best performance I’ve ever seen you do,” Courtney adds from next to them.

“Just Violet left, and then the finale,” Adore comments, still slightly out of breath. “Then we can go get drunk?”

“I’ll buy the shots,” Bianca confirms.

Adore doesn’t leave her side again for hours after that, hovering around her during the finale and following her like a puppy to the noisy bar across the street. Courtney and Violet and Sharon are there, too, but Bianca hardly notices them, too distracted by Adore’s constant closeness.

And once the alcohol starts to set in, Bianca stops trying to divide her attention among the other queens and focuses solely on Adore. The way that Adore looks at her when she’s listening to her talk makes Bianca want to tell her stories all night, and when Adore pulls her off of her stool and tries to dance with her, Bianca doesn’t resist.

At some point, Bianca can’t remember exactly when, Adore lets her go and leaves the group to dance with somebody else. That’s the last time Bianca sees her.

After that, Bianca’s priorities shift, and suddenly she needs to be blackout drunk, as if the alcohol can compensate for Adore while she’s gone.

And if she’s not blackout drunk, she knows she’ll start thinking about what Adore will probably be doing later tonight, and she’s determined to avoid that at all costs.

The last thing she remembers before everything goes dark is Katya out of drag with his arm around her waist in the elevator. He’s talking about wind-surfing on a beach, and then he’s gone and Michelle is looking concerned as she drags Bianca down a hotel hallway.

Then there’s nothing.

——

Roy isn’t worried.

Really. Worried isn’t even close to the right word for what he’s feeling right now. A more accurate one might be exasperated. Or infuriated, if he wants to get dramatic about it. There’s nothing about Bianca that isn’t extreme, so why not go there?

It’s two PM, and Adore is still passed out facedown on her bed in last night’s wig that Roy had picked out for her, ripped up tights and dress clinging to her sprawled form.

Roy has been up for hours, long enough to shower and eat and drink his killer hangover away (with water and coffee, not more alcohol, as a still worried-looking Michelle insisted) and even go out shopping with Courtney.

And after all that time Adore is still here, knocked out.

Roy isn’t really surprised by this, in any way. It’s normal behavior for Adore, in or out of drag. It’s more the unknown series of events that led to her collapsing in a heap on the messy hotel bed, without even taking off that wig, that bothers him.

The last time he remembers seeing her was through a low level haze of alcohol, when she was wrapped around Bianca’s back at the bar with her lips parted beside Bianca’s ear. Just before she’d left to go dance with somebody else.

Shaking off the memory, Roy glares at Adore. He’ll brush the wig later, he decides. There’s no way to trust that Danny’s going to, and he likes it too much on her to let her ruin it.

As Roy stares at Adore, wondering how she can manage to sleep like a starfish and a dead porcupine at the same time, he starts to wish he’d tried to keep an eye on her after she’d left them. He doesn’t like to think about what bullshit she gets up to, and he tries not to care, either, but he can’t help worrying sometimes.

After all, she’s his roommate. There’s a sense of responsibility in that, he figures. Like somehow, if she winds up dead in an alley somewhere, it’ll be his fault for not hauling her faded ass back to the hotel.

He’d blame himself forever if anything happened to her, even if nobody else did. He’s sure about that.

Roy’s not even sure he could lift her. Drag isn’t a career that requires upper body strength. But he’d definitely put in an effort to carry Adore, if he had to.

Sighing, Roy crosses his arms over his chest and glares at the back of Adore’s head.

They don’t have anything to do this morning, but Roy’s been awake for long enough to organize everything on his side of the room again.

But Adore’s side of the room, which Roy had just cleaned the day before, looks like the aftermath of a terrorist attack. Or like the site of an all-night orgy, which would explain the clothing that Roy doesn’t recognize.

He knows he’s not a heavy enough sleeper to have missed something like that, but he has to wonder why Adore never wears half of the shit that the floor is currently wearing.

There’s more pairs of shoes strewn on the floor than Roy’s ever seen on Danny or Adore. Clothes that she’s probably planning on performing in are in piles, and the makeup supplies in front of the mirror are in a messy heap again, as if Roy had never put in the effort to line them up so perfectly.

It’s at times like these, when he’s annoyed and worried and bored, that Roy wonders why exactly he’d asked to room with someone who lives in such a dramatically different way than him. It’s like she creates mess, wherever she goes, just by walking into the room.

With a sigh, Roy gives in to the urge to stress clean. He stands up briskly and strides across the room, crouching to start lining Adore’s shoes up against the wall. Again.

Adore’s shoes are organized by style in no time, and Roy promptly moves on to the suitcase worth of clothing that seems to have exploded onto the carpet.

Sighing, he crouches, shaking out a t-shirt and folding it quickly in the air before setting it beside him and moving on to another. The organizing is almost relaxing for him, the familiar movements and the way it occupies his brain just enough to keep him from going crazy from inactivity and stress.

Roy grabs the last item of clothing on the floor, a red bra. Turning his head to the side to crack his neck, he surveys the three stacks of clothing - shirts, pants, and the dresses and underclothes. Satisfied, he lifts them one by one into Adore’s open suitcase and pushes it back against the wall next to her shoes.

Another dramatic sigh later, he’s standing in front of the mirror, brushing loose eyeshadow off of the counter and picking up her lipstick tubes from where they’re scattered off to the side.

He sets the odd colors down first, and pauses on a bright red that he recognizes, smiling slightly. Twisting it up, he brushes a little onto the back of his thumb, and stares down at the red streak, feeling a tug in his chest.

Roy remembers this color.

It had been Adore’s favorite a couple of years back, when they’d been in the top three together. They’d spent hours at Adore’s apartment or Courtney’s in WeHo, the three of them on a couch or a bed, drinking and laughing and pointedly ignoring the fact that in just a few weeks, one of them would have a crown and a title and the other two wouldn’t.

Roy never spends time in drag when he doesn’t have to, but Adore likes it sometimes, keeping her girl face on for awhile longer. He remembers one night like that, when the three of them were lying close together in Courtney’s bed and laughing at her trade stories.

Roy didn’t know whether it was because of Courtney’s wine or the blunt Adore had smoked a few hours before, but with every few moments that passed, Adore had curled closer to him. Her cheek had moved from his bicep to his chest, a hand sliding slowly onto his stomach, her fingernails scratching at his skin through the insubstantial tank top he’d been wearing.

Every touch had made his body buzz, and somehow calmed his mind at the same time. He didn’t know how she did it, but over time he grew to crave it, almost like an addiction.

Adore probably doesn’t even remember the moment, but Roy thinks he must’ve burned all of it into his memory somehow. The heat of her pressed against his side, the light touches on his skin, the brush of her exhaled breaths across his chest.

She’d fallen asleep like that, snoring softly, Roy’s arm curled hesitantly around her. And when she’d finally woken up enough to let go of him the next morning, she’d left a smear of that bright red lipstick on his shirt.

Roy had complained halfheartedly, but Adore had only laughed, licked her thumb and tried in vain to wipe it away. Roy’s gaze had stayed caught on her parted lips, though, mesmerized by the way her tongue still poked out slightly.

Whenever he thinks about those weeks, Roy tries to block out how scared he was that whatever the three of them had might die out. That Courtney would win and leave Bianca and Adore for a life of glamour drag with more perfect queens behind her.

That Adore would win, and hit mainstream faster than any of them knew was possible, walk red carpets and live in a world that didn’t involve Roy. He could’ve lived with that, he thinks. She deserved it, and she had wanted it so badly that Roy had almost wished he could tell Ru to give her the crown instead.

His worst fear of all, though, had been that that he himself would win, and that Adore would resent him because of it. That she’d never get lipstick on his shirts, never make his chest ache when she laughed, never look at him in that special way that she did again.

Even though the crown had given him a ticket true success, Roy thinks he’d rather have Danny love him like he does than wear it even for a day.

And every time he sees him, or her, Roy is beyond grateful that having her and having success aren’t mutually exclusive.

The sound of a yawn behind him brings Roy back to the present, and he sets down the lipstick quickly.

Turning and stepping around to the side of her bed, Roy sees Adore’s head lifted slightly. Now that her face isn’t covered by her wig, Roy can see that her makeup is still partially intact, a bit smudged and melted but not awful.

“Bea?” she mumbles, eyes blinking open slowly.

“Good morning, asshole,” Roy replies, voice coming out softer and kinder than he intends. Trying to compensate for the lack of bite in his words, he crosses his arms and glares halfheartedly at Adore.

Her tongue darts out to run over her lips, still smudged with the remainders of her nude lipstick from the night before. One eye falls shut, her head turning to the side to rest on her arm as she looks up at Roy.

“What did I do?” she says after a moment. It comes out slow and sleepy and whiny, and Roy wants so badly to be annoyed by it, but he doesn’t have the heart.

His little trip down memory lane has made him weak for anything and everything Adore, and he can’t manage to deny how cute the whining is.

“It’s two thirty, Adore,” he replies, feeling the dimple in his cheek deepen as he half smiles at her despite himself. “You’re still in last night’s drag, you still smell a little like weed, and that poor wig looks like it was gang raped. So, I dunno, what did you do, exactly?”

There’s a pause, and Adore stares at him sleepily, tongue peeking out between her lips again. Then, she cracks a smile, bright eyes narrowing lazily.

“Aww, Bea, were you worried about me?” she teases. “You were, huh.”

“No, chola, not even a little,” Roy chuckles, smiling fully now. “I know you can take care of yourself.” He pauses, lips twitching, and Adore raises an eyebrow. “And at least five other fags, too,” Roy continues, grinning wider as Adore giggles sleepily. “Or was it six? I’d have to take a closer look at that wig.”

Adore’s nose scrunches up as she laughs, and Roy swallows hard as he watches her.

“Mmmm, I wanna nap,” she sighs once her giggles fade, cheek squished against her arm.

“Uh, no, bitch,” Roy argues. “You just woke up, get in the shower and get that shit off your face.”

Adore lifts her head again, and she’s pouting at him now.

“Don’t do that, you know puppy eyes don’t work on me,” Roy retorts.

He can’t help but notice her eyelash hanging partially off her lid as he looks at her, and he drops back down onto his knees next to the bed, scooting forward.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Hold still,” Roy says by way of reply, one hand coming up to hold her chin. Reaching up, he tugs her lashes off gently, folding them into his palm carefully to keep them intact.

Adore blinks rapidly a few times, and then shakes her head slightly. Roy pulls his hand back from her chin, where it had lingered a few moments longer than he intended. Without the lashes, Adore is more androgynous than ever, the lines between her and him growing blurred, like the edges of her eyeliner.

There’s a soft sigh, and Adore props her head up on her fist, blinking at up him with those gorgeous eyes.

They’re colored a sea glass green at first, but as Adore turns her chin slightly, the light hits them differently. Roy swears he sees blue tucked behind the green, hidden but bright enough to shine through in flecks, like gold dust in river water.

Roy doesn’t realize how close he’s gotten until Adore huffs out a quiet laugh, and he feels the air against his cheek. He pulls back a little then, catching the playful smile that curls on her lips.

Adore’s tongue pokes out slightly again, and a hand reaches up, fingertips brushing oh-so-gently over Roy’s cheekbone. Her eyes drop from her fingers to his mouth, and he can’t quite breathe. He’s not sure he remembers how.

She tugs her lower lip between her teeth, fingers running higher, up his temple to press lightly, dancing across his hairline.

There’s something mesmerizing in the way she touches him sometimes, Roy thinks. So hesitantly, softly, like he’s a wild animal, and if she’s not careful he might disappear and never get close enough to touch again.

Adore’s fingers drag back down, and her palm flattens gently against his cheek. Her grip hardens bit by bit, fingertips pressed into his skin, until she’s tugging him forwards slowly but surely, tongue sliding over her lower lip.

And maybe he is like a wild animal, Roy realizes. The instinct to bolt is there. He can feel it, tucked into his chest under the calm softness that Adore is pulling out of him like melting caramel with every tug of her fingers on his skin.

Adore’s eyes wander his face, her eyes dreamy but expression focused as she sighs warm air against his lips.

He’s so sure she’s going to kiss him, and he’s powerless to stop her, even if he wanted to.

And then, she doesn’t.

All of a sudden, her hand is moving away, and so is she, sliding back on the bed. Her head falls to rest on the pillow, and she looks at him, her eyes deep and soul-searching. He’s on the edge of panic, wondering if he’s fucked up, until she speaks.

“Come lay with me.”

She pats the spot where she’d been before. Roy opens his mouth to protest, but then she takes his hand and no sound comes out.

“I wanna look at you,” she adds, an adorable smile on her lips. “But I’m too sleepy to hold my head up.”

There’s a pause, and then Roy is smiling too as Adore tugs on his hand.

“C’mon, baby,” Adore urges.

Roy wants to come closer, of course he does, but it’s hard to move. How is he supposed to explain that when she looks at him like that, every muscle in his body forgets how to work?

Adore blinks slowly at him, and he forces himself to move, standing up unsteadily and toeing off his shoes. She won’t let go of his hand, his palm caught between her thumb and middle finger, and she tugs him forward again until he lays down next to her.

The space between them is small, and the closer he gets, the more Adore becomes just Danny with makeup. He supposes that’s all she is, though. She’s the only drag queen he’s ever been mesmerized by like this, and maybe it’s because she’s just the same with or without the face painted on.

Roy reaches up to slide his fingers along the hairline of her wig, tucking his thumb underneath to find the pins. Her hand comes up to join his, loosening the few that are still in place until the hair piece falls away behind her.

“There you are,” Roy murmurs, finally speaking, his voice a soft rasp.

Adore’s lips curl in a gentle smile, and he’s so, so beautiful.

“Bea,” he says, drawing out the syllable, moving Roy’s hand to rest on his waist.

“Yes, baby?”

“If I kissed you, would it mean anything?”

Roy swallows, searching Adore’s face slowly.

“Only if you want it to,” he says finally, and then Adore’s hand is cupping his jaw, thumb tucked gently into his dimple.

The tip of Adore’s tongue pokes out, his gaze falling slowly to Roy’s lips. Roy wants to move forwards and kiss him, but he’s useless under his touch, just waiting with his breath caught in his chest.

Adore’s fingers hook behind his jaw, and then he tugs Roy forwards, leaning in ever so slightly to press a feather-light kiss to his lower lip.

Roy’s lips part, a quick exhale flooding out of him at the spark of contact. His fingers dig into Adore’s side, and Adore gasps softly, catching his own lower lip between his teeth.

Adore’s beautiful eyes are narrowed slightly, and there’s a moment of complete stillness.

And then, he smiles slowly, his whole face shifting. It’s as if the sun’s finally coming out from behind the clouds, and Roy realizes in a second of breathless clarity that he’d do anything for him.

He opens his mouth slightly, about to put his thoughts into words, but Adore is leaning in again before he can, crushing their lips together and kissing him for real this time.

Roy’s kissed a lot of men in his lifetime, even men that he loved. Kissing everyone feels slightly different, he figures. But nothing has ever felt anything like this, like every press of Adore’s mouth breaks him wide open, like every inch of their bodies that touch double and triple in heat.

Like if Adore stops kissing him, he might pass out, crumpled on the bed as Adore breathes out the air he stole from Roy’s lungs like smoke.

And Adore does stop kissing him, too soon. He gasps in air, chest rising and falling quickly, and this feels better than being drunk, and he knows he’s hooked now.

Adore’s fingers brush over Roy’s cheek, then wander back to stroke gently through his hair, and Roy is useless again, immobilized and vulnerable under his touch.

“Did that mean something?” Roy manages to murmur once he’s caught his breath, his hand on Adore’s back now.

There’s a pause, as Adore’s fingers tease through his hair. The soothing touches ease the anxiety that was starting to build up in Roy’s chest, and his arm tightens around Adore, pulling him closer as if he might drift away.

Adore chuckles softly, his lips curling in a smile.

“Yeah,” he says finally, crossing the few inches between them to press another kiss to Roy’s lips. “Everything.”

#bianca del rio #adore delano #katya zamolodchikova #biadore #fluff #angst #tw anxiety #tw alcohol #mesmerized #miss bianca #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant

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recentanimenews · 5 years

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THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH Goes Matchmaking in Episodes 190-196!

Welcome to THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH! I’m Kara Dennison, and I’ll be your host this week as we run through all 220 episodes of the original Naruto anime adaptation like an army of Kyles through Area 51. In last week's episodes 183-189, we left behind the Hidden Star Village and took on the Peddlers Escort Mission. This week, episodes 190-196 close out our journey to the Land of Greens and then take us on a series of one-shot and two-episode missions.

I figured after Joseph Luster nearly tapped out last week that things had to start looking up... but boy, it's been a mixed bag. Out of the frying pan that was the Hidden Greens Village and straight into the fire that was "Chubby Paradise" - probably my least favorite episode to date. And judging by this week's answers, I wasn't alone. Fortunately, that was balanced out with some fun: Hinata awesomeness, a hungry hungry house, and Tsunade being... well... peak Tsunade. Plus, we get the return of Rock Lee and Might Guy!

So, as we approach the threshhold of the final two dozen episodes, let's see what the team thought of this batch of filler!

We’ve seen some pretty nasty jutsu before, but between Jiga’s suffocating magnetized sand and Renga’s “ants under a magnifying glass” treatment, the Janin brought (and suffered) some brutal tactics. What Naruto death or attack has freaked you out the most so far… or are you too stone cold for that kind of thing?

Paul: “Death by Wooly Willy into giant sand pit” is a pretty bad way to go, but honestly the technique that freaks me out the most is the Shinigami one that the Third Hokage uses to seal Orochimaru's arms. If that Jutsu lands properly, then both the wielder and the victim are banished to an eternal hell-realm where their spirits remained locked in combat forever, and that's some messed up metaphysics.

Kevin: A lot of the more shocking deaths and techniques probably would’ve been more effective if I hadn’t seen the show before. That being said, I’d probably choose the Sound Ninja that used the gauntlets and had half his face wrapped up (okay look, the death and character design made an impression. The actual character, not so much). We didn’t see any detail, but we see his terror, we get a silhouette of what Gaara can become (if I’m remembering the episode correctly), and then he’s just gone. There’s so little fanfare that we don’t even hear about it beyond Sasuke mentioning that his opponent didn’t show up for some reason.

Joseph: I’d say it’s that Mangekyou Sharingan move Itachi used on Sasuke and others to essentially lock them in an eternal loop of reliving their own personal tragedies.

Noelle: Same like Kevin, I’ve seen the show before, so I know what’s coming. I don’t think I remember being particularly creeped out by any of the deaths, because none of them were major characters. More than the gruesome factor of character deaths, I react to the emotional weight of them so no, I haven’t really felt anything.

Danni: Getting caught by Itachi’s Mangekyou Sharingan seems like a pretty raw deal, to say the least.

Jared: Mangekyou Sharingan would definitely rank up there in terms of just pure psychological horror. Also any bug attacks. Just yuck.

David: Honestly Gaara’s entire skill set gives me the creeps, just because of how intensely it would set off any sort of claustrophobia (before crushing me to death of course).

Carolyn: I guess I just watch too much horror to really be affected like that. From a writing/storytelling standpoint, the most emotional death was the Third Hokage’s. Every character ended up dealing with his death in their own way (including Orochimaru), while also being a major point of growth for Naruto.

So, that whole Princess Fuku scenario… I’m going to save us all a bunch of time and ask if there’s anything you dislike about Naruto that didn’t make its way into this episode.

Paul: Fat-phobia? Check. Weird assumptions and gender-based hang-ups? Check. Naruto turning into a piss-sprinkler? Check. Jiraiya, even though he's not physically present, still managing to encourage Naruto’s questionable behavior? Check. With the free space in the middle, I think I've got a “bingo” here...

Kevin: Fart jokes, I guess? In looking for something, anything, good in this episode, a few of Ino’s reactions are so over the top and abrupt that I chuckled a little. But even those were humorous more due to the sudden tonal shift, and the more you remember what caused them, the less funny they become.

Joseph: It’s a bad episode through and through. I really disliked the previous arc, though, so I was fine with just letting my eyes glaze over at the screen for this one.

Noelle: I don’t even know where to begin, admittedly. I don’t think I liked a single moment of this one. It’s just... bad, and not worth a watch at all.

Danni: At least there were no dead ghost moms?

Jared: I guess there’s no Jiraiya accosting sexy jutsu Naruto, which is probably one of the few bad things this show does that it didn’t somehow include here.

David: Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the writers' room as they were checking off the list of obnoxious things to include here. Really feels purposeful at this point.

Carolyn: Sasuke.

Up next is yet another “outsider infiltrates with disastrous results” episode, once again with the cast unsuspecting of a disguise in play. If you were a ninja, how could a friend or family member verify you’re you, and not an enemy ninja using a Disguise Jutsu?

Paul: My family would be able to identify the real me by inquiring about embarrassing childhood moments that – even though I'm now 37 years of age – they still bring up on the regular for some reason. My friends would be doomed, though, since they don't know the hidden meaning of the phrase “Baby Brontosaurus." They're not asking. I'm not telling.

Kevin: Until this episode, I would’ve thought that a sparring match would be pretty definitive evidence in a world where practically every named character can fight and knows magical martial arts. But apparently everyone decided to leave their brains at home for a few episodes.

Joseph: They’d probably just ask what my favorite Nightmare on Elm Street movie is and if I ever gave the same answer twice they’d know it’s not really me.

Noelle: Beyond some personal information that I rarely disclose, getting me to start monologuing about doujin and the discrepancy between US self-pub and JP/KR self-pub is a good way to start.

Danni: They’d play either of the Love Live! Sunshine!! ending themes for me and if I did not immediately start crying, they would Hurricane Leaf Kick my doppleganger to death.

Jared: Probably something similar to Danni’s with it being a Sunshine!! question or asking if Garou: Mark of the Wolves has one of the pettiest stories in all of video games.

David: Just start asking me about my hyper-specific opinions on the Fate franchise as a whole, and you’ll know it’s me when it goes on far longer than you were hoping.

Carolyn: If they asked which Stephen King books I own and the imposter actually knew all of them without pulling up a Google doc, they are lying. Also probably anything involving Buffy.

And we’re back to another ghost episode… so yeah, we’re to the point when recycling concepts is much more the rule than the exception, and there’s not long left for that to change. To that end, is there a filler episode whose concept you’d like to see revisited, and how would you improve on it?

Paul: As others have already mentioned, I'd like to see more exploration of the shinobi-inspired offshoots of ordinary jobs, like the ninja chefs and the ninja postal delivery service. In the former case, a straightforward cooking contest without the kidnapping angle would work, and in the latter case, anything that didn't involve Jiraiya's erotic literature preventing a war between rival nations would be a step up. I'd also love an entire episode that's just everyone taking their pets and summons to the ninja veterinarian for check-ups.

Kevin: Two options: One, Naruto as a mentor, maybe in charge of Konohamaru’s group, maybe not, but take the episode to show that he’s changed a little and has a bit more patience now. Two, back to the idea of the Ninja Chefs and Ninja Postmen. Just take normal jobs, slap Ninja on the front, and make a fun episode from it. It may not make any sense, but at least it could be entertaining.

Joseph: I’d love to see literally anyone else but the main crew we’ve been following. Show me what Gamabunta is up to in the land of the big frogs or something.

Noelle: Honestly, thirding the ‘normal jobs, but with ninja’ idea. We get a good enough grasp on the world, not down to the details, but enough that we can have a general idea of how things work. I’m the type of person that likes looking at small details, so show me the gears of this world, and how people function on the day to day (with ninja superpowers).

Danni: Anything involving Might Guy, honestly. I’ve said it multiple times and it’s because I believe it: give me a day-in-the-life episode of Guy and Kakashi as roommates. I want to see them fight over who has to do the dishes.

Jared: Definitely weird ninja jobs that haven’t been discussed yet or maybe something as simple as a non-Naruto focused episode where we just get a look at other characters doing either their routine or how they handle things when Naruto isn’t around.

David: More food episodes, this time without the baggage of an actual “threat”. I just want to see our cast cooking up food in ridiculous magic ninja ways!

Carolyn: My favorite filler episodes so far have been the Scooby-Doo ghost and the live-burial death cult. I’d be happy to explore the actual psychology and lore of the death cult.

We finish out with two episodes of Rock Lee goodness, this time with Lee and Guy beating the snot out of each other via chakra WiFi. Several of us expressed (understandable) concern about Guy’s mentoring style during the Chunin Exam. How do we feel about the sensei/student interaction a couple dozen episodes from the end?

Paul: I like the idea of Rock Lee and Might Guy clashing by proxy through Chakra-controlled practice dummies, and I enjoy how that situation resolves, but I'm ambivalent about Guy's tutoring style and Lee's ambitions. Even though they explicitly address the idea of over-training, and even though Lee ends up on crutches again this episode, I don't feel that Lee has internalized any lessons about not absolutely destroying himself on his quest to achieve ninja mastery through Taijutsu. I’d like to see him fight smarter, not harder.

Kevin: Honestly, Guy and Lee’s relationship may be one of the more complicated in the series. Sure, it’s as simple as “Lee follows after Guy like a puppy,” but that means that Lee is always driving himself far beyond his natural limits, and Guy encourages him pretty much the whole way, until Lee’s body gives out. It’s a self-destructive relationship for Lee, and Guy is enabling it while also genuinely trying to be a supportive figure, to the point that he gets Lee to accept a potentially lethal surgery by telling him that if Lee dies, they’ll die together. There’s a lot of darkness hiding behind the shining teeth and can-do attitudes. As for how I feel about it, I honestly would need to sit down and think for a while, and even then I’m not sure I could come up with a definitive answer.

Joseph: The whole ‘you die, I die’ thing still bugs me. I like where Guy is coming from but these filler episodes don’t do much to convince me he’s the best teacher ever. He may be the most supportive teacher ever, but it’s to a fault. Rock Lee is still great but honestly he’s too good for this show at this point.

Noelle: It’s honestly very complicated, because there is no clean-cut answer. The truth is that Lee does have to work twice as hard to stand up to his peers, because he naturally doesn’t have the talents that they do. Having someone who wholeheartedly supports him is pretty alluring, no matter how you look at it. At the same time, Guy is 100% enabling Lee to go past his limits in an unhealthy way, and that doesn’t really change here.

Danni: Ever since Lee miraculously recovered from his surgery in time to come to Naruto’s aid in the Sasuke Retrieval arc, I’ve kind of just accepted that subplot is entirely meaningless. Plus, at this point in the plot desert they’re clearly rehashing every single concept they’ve had so who cares?

Jared: Guy can be bad about allowing Lee to push past his limits in ways that he really shouldn’t, but at the same time, I think Lee would do that anyways as you’d really have to nail that into him that he shouldn’t. That’s pretty much what we saw here again. As some of the other’s have said, Guy is very supportive, but there’s a line between being supportive and being toxically supportive.

David: Unfortunately given Lee’s insistence, I really doubt there’s a realistic other option aside from someone convincing him that maybe he just isn’t meant to be a combat ninja, which maybe actually is the right answer?

Carolyn: Guy didn’t make Lee the way he is. Lee already had this tenacity and work ethic, Guy just helps it along by being supportive. And I still maintain that Jiraiya has done literally nothing for Naruto. So, as far as I’m concerned, Guy is far from the worst Sensei. Plus, Lee’s injuries don’t typically come from his training but in actual fights with abnormally powerful foes. You could also argue that the fact that he can actually walk and fight again at all is due to his drive, which Guy definitely helps to foster. I think their relationship is fine.

It’s probably a given what half of this answer will be, but for the sake of symmetry, what are your HIGH and LOW points of the week?

Paul: My high point is Tsunade attaching a pair of dummy arms to her overcoat so she can secretly drink sake when she’s supposed to be working, with an honorable mention going to the “ghost” episode which is actually about Naruto, Hinata, and Kiba encountering a “House Hunter” Mimic from Dungeons & Dragons. My low point is everything from the Princess Fuku episode. Fat people deserve to be romantic leads without being the butt of an endless series of lazy jokes.

Kevin: High – Tsunade entire setup before she sends out Tenten, Neji and Naruto to help Guy. She has fake arms to make it look like she’s actually doing work as she sneaks a cup of sake, and when she needs to make a team, she literally just has cards of the available genin and tries to form something half way workable for the few that are around. Low – I mean, is anyone NOT going to say the Princess Fuku episode? It was a 23 minute long fat joke that got maybe a chuckle out of me due to severe tonal shifts.

Joseph: My high was the living house episode. Look, sorry, I’m a simple man who’s a huge sucker for living houses. The low would have to be everything from the Greens arc. I’m just so tired of the bad Saturday morning action cartoon DiC side of Naruto. Don’t tease me with action and fights when it’s all so contrived, poorly animated, and laughably motivated.

Noelle: High point, the haunted house episode. As fun as actual supernatural stuff is, finding out that something is totally ridiculous instead is just as fun. Low point, if I ever have to think of the Princess Fuku episode again, it’ll be too soon.

Danni: My high point was easily when Hinata straight up killed a guy by burying him alive in his own jutsu without even batting an eye. She’s low-key cold-blooded when the chips are down. As for my low point, obviously it’s the Princess Fuku episode, even if it did give me lots of randomly inserted English and an evergreen line about not discriminating based on color.

Jared: High points would be Hinata getting a good bit of time to be super rad, the weird headshots Tsunade had of Lee, Tenten, Neji, and Naruto when she was doing her fake arms bit, Lee just randomly seeing a dojo challenge and thinking that’s a brilliant idea, flesh castle, and that ska ending. Low points would obviously be the Princess Fuku episode, end of the Land of Greens arc, and seeing multiple themes repeated that we’ve already seen in the filler.

David: Totally agree on the high point being Hinata being completely awesome this week (I put it down as something I was highly looking forward to last week and it didn’t disappoint.) The low point is of course Princess Fuku, but it probably deserves an award for being the lowest point of this entire run so far.

Carolyn: Yeah, how could the low be anything but that episode. Most specifically for me, Naruto being totally shocked that two people he considers heavy being in love as if that couldn’t possibly happen. And also … how old is Ino? Because … uh … High point: Rock Lee lives by his own rules! That’s not how medical science works, my dude. That line was hilarious.

COUNTERS:

Ramen: 3 bowls Hokage: 0 Clones: 22 + 1 uncountable scene

Total so far:

Ramen: 185 bowls, 13 cups Hokage: 62 Clones: 811

And that’s it for this week! Remember that you’re always welcome to watch along with the Rewatch, especially if you’ve never seen the original Naruto! Watch Naruto today!

Here’s our upcoming schedule:

-Next week, NOELLE OGAWA shows us the formation of the Konoha 11!

-On August 9, DANIEL DOCKERY returns to explore the mystery of Yakumo!

-Finally, NICOLE MEJIAS guides us through the end of the Gantetsu Escort Mission!

CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH!

Episodes 183-189: No Laughter Allowed!

Episodes 176-182: Reach for the Stars!

Episodes 169-175: Anko’s Backstory At Sea

Episodes 162-168: The Tale of the Phantom Samurai

Episodes 155-161: Quickfire Curry

Episodes 148-154: The Forest is Abuzz With Ninjas

Episodes 141-147: Mizuki Strikes Back!

Episodes 134-140: The Climactic Clash

Episodes 127-133: Naruto vs Sasuke

Episodes 120-126: The Sand Siblings Return

Episodes 113-119: Operation Rescue Sasuke

Episodes 106-112: Sasuke Goes Rogue

Episodes 99-105: Trouble in the Land of Tea

Episodes 92-98: Clash of the Sannin

Episodes 85-91: A Life-Changing Decision

Episodes 78-84: The Fall of a Legend

Episodes 71-77: Sands of Sorrow

Episodes 64-70: Crashing the Chunin Exam

Episodes 57-63: Family Feud

Episodes 50-56: Rock Lee Rally

Episodes 43-49: The Gate

Episodes 36-42: Through the Woods

Episodes 29-35: Sakura Unleashed

Episodes 22-28: Chunin Exams Kickoff

Episodes 15-21: Leaving the Land of Waves

Episodes 8-14: Beginners' Battle

Episodes 1-7: I'm Gonna Be the Hokage!

Thank you for joining us for the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

Have anything to say about our thoughts on Episodes 190-106? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

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Kara Dennison is a writer, editor, and interviewer with bylines at VRV, We Are Cult, Fanbyte, and many more. She is also the co-founder of Altrix Books and co-creator of the OEL light novel series Owl's Flower. Kara blogs at karadennison.com and tweets @RubyCosmos.

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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unifiedsocialblog · 5 years

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5 Hilarious Twitter Accounts (And What We Can Learn From Them)

We all love a good laugh.

Honestly, show me a living person who doesn’t love to laugh and I’ll show you a walking corpse.

Humour is an incredibly relatable way to connect with people, and it can be used very effectively on social media.

But why? The answer is simple: people remember funny stuff. Our brains are wired to remember things when we feel strongly, and humour is the eruption of happiness—everyone’s favourite emotion. So how do we make people remember us? We make them laugh.

However, there’s a fine line between being funny, and being over the top, boring, politically incorrect, offensive, pandering, annoying… (Add negative adjectives here and the list goes on forever).

How do you create funny content that people will love? Twitter is the one social network where a good joke is almost always a hit, so let’s see what we can learn from five of the funniest brands on Twitter.

Bonus: Download the free strategy guide that reveals how Hootsuite grew our Twitter following to over 8 million users and learn how you can put the tactics to work for your business.

1. Chipotle

First up is the famous Mexican(ish) Grill fast food chain, Chipotle. You’re probably thinking, “how funny can a burrito get?”

If you have to ask that question you probably aren’t adding enough hot sauce. But on a scale from one to 10, where one is your college sociology class (AKA Funbusting 1000) and 10 is watching Paula Abdul on American Idol, Chipotle gets a solid 7.

Hilarity Index: 7/10

What can we learn?

The well-executed pun.

Many will say that puns are the lowest form of humour. They’re wrong, believe me. A well-executed pun always works.

How do you write a good pun? A pun is a joke that exploits words that have double meanings or may sound like one another, but if you want to write a good pun make sure the punned word works both ways.

Rock out with your guac out.

— Chipotle (@ChipotleTweets) January 13, 2016

Using audience insights.

Dig into the insights of your audience, and use it to your advantage. In this case, the insight is that literally everyone loves guac, but hates paying the extra dough for it. Then, spin it as a joke.

Remember that during even your worst moments you are worth adding guac.

— Chipotle (@ChipotleTweets) October 26, 2018

2. Moonpies

Honestly, it’s just a marshmallow jammed between two graham crackers covered in chocolate, but Moonpies are just as funny online as they are delicious in real life. So how do they do it?

Their schtick is that their social media team runs the account almost like it’s their own personal Twitter. And it works.

On a scale from one to 10, where one is a never-ending video of a tumbleweed rolling past an abandoned gas station and 10 is going to Disneyland after a bottomless mimosa brunch, Moonpies gets a 9.

Hilarity Index: 9/10 (Because there’s always room for improvement.)

What can we learn?

Uhm, who is Linda?

Moonpies are experts at joke recall, a skill that makes stand-up comedians stand out from the crowd. And the only difference between social media and stand up comedy? A microphone.

Anyone who’s good at Twitter always follows the 4 p’s Proactiveness Placement Please Linda Please come back

— MoonPie (@MoonPie) August 8, 2018

Eating a snack > looking like a snack > accidentally driving away someone you love Linda please come back

— MoonPie (@MoonPie) September 29, 2017

The joke goes back further than 2017, too. Linda’s been gone for a while, and it’s funny every time.

Clever use of the medium.

A joke about not finishing what you’ve started? Tired. But Moonpies freshens it up by using the medium and creating a visual gag.

If you want to be successful at business you have to PROFIT P ush your limits R espect the boss O rder lots of office supplies F inish everything you start I T

— MoonPie (@MoonPie) July 30, 2018

3. Netflix

What started out as a business we all thought would be a joke by this time in human existence (snail-mail subscription service for movie rentals? Ok…) has now turned into one of the biggest household brand names of our time. And not only does their actual TV content slay, so does their Twitter.

On a scale from one to 10 where one is living under a rock and 10 is living in a real-life meme, Netflix comes in at a solid 7.

Hilarity Index: 7/10

What can we learn?

They listen, and respond.

Netflix is known for their hilarious Twitter responses to both online trolls and actual customers, and they’ve completely nailed how to do it in a way that leaves you wanting more. Not unlike their cliffhanger episode endings, ugh.

Bonus: Download the free strategy guide that reveals how Hootsuite grew our Twitter following to over 8 million users and learn how you can put the tactics to work for your business.

Get the free guide right now!

feel your feelings, brent.

— Netflix US (@netflix) October 29, 2018

love u bb

— Netflix US (@netflix) October 28, 2018

The timely pop-culture-reference-turned-meme.

I mean, they are a brand that relies entirely on the existence of pop-culture, but imagine if they weren’t able to use that to their advantage online? *shudder* The key here is that they’re timely, and they aren’t recycling old memes.

if this isn't me pic.twitter.com/gZhz3gcraq

— Netflix Canada (@Netflix_CA) October 26, 2018

4. Merriam-Webster

They’re just the dictionary. Boring, right?

Not so, my friend. For an exhaustive collection of definitions wrapped up with a cutesy little name like Merriam-Webster, this brand is the master at throwing shade and sipping tea on Twitter.

On a scale from one to 10, where one is an empty bean bag chair and 10 is a bouncy castle even though you’re 32, I give Merriam-Webster a 7.5.

Hilarity Index: 7.5/10 (The added — or is it deducted? — .5 is for throwing shaaaaaade.)

What can we learn?

Sometimes it’s ok to sass.

Adding funner to the dictionary? Come on, Danny. But honestly, look at that sass. They get away with it because it’s well-intended and obviously sarcastic.

.@dannygonzalez Why don't you look words up before complaining to the dictionary? https://t.co/2HFnO4Y0aY

— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) January 17, 2017

Or throw a bit of shade.

No comment necessary.

Good morning! The #WordOfTheDay is…not 'unpresidented'. We don't enter that word. That's a new one. https://t.co/BJ45AtMNu4

— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) December 17, 2016

The key to throwing shade or sassing people on Twitter is to make sure your brand and audience can handle it. And even then, you also have to make sure it’s clear you’re being sarcastic, and that your shade or sass isn’t offensive.

5. KFC

Another fast food joint. I know, groan, but hear me out. Our friends over at KFC aren’t exactly pumping out award winning chicken (sorry), but their subtle jokes online deserve some praise.

On a scale from one to 10, where one is coming home to find out your roommate ate your leftovers and 10 is a freshly stocked buffet at Golden Corral (complete with those cheesesteak meatballs), I give KFC a 6.

Hilarity Index: 6/10

What can we learn?

The art of subtlety.

The art of creating a subtle joke often escapes most—even comedians, writers, and actors. But when executed well online, a not-so-hidden hidden joke can often go viral and make a lot of people fall in love with your brand.

KFC follows 11 people. The 5 Spice Girls, and 6 people named Herb. I’ll give you a minute.

That’s 11 herbs and spices, which is KFC’s famous recipe. We’re done here.

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