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paintedmered · 1 month

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lyrical analysis of fortnight (ft. post malone) by taylor swift

disclaimers

my analysis will consider the album epilogue, in which taylor explains that her relationship with matty was 'not a love affair!' but a form of 'self-harm' stemming from a 'manic phase' as her relationship with joe disintegrated and then completely fell apart· it will take into account taylor saying matty 'love-bombed' her while feasting on 'low-hanging fruit'.

idc what matty stans think. i'm analysing taylor's perspective, not yours.

if you disagree with my interpretation, you don't need to attack me.

analysis!

based on taylor's amazon music commentary and my own interpretation of the song, fortnight seems to be a hypothetical future where she stays with joe and they get married, but he's not the person she's meant to be with. it picks up where hits different leaves off ('is it you or have they come to take me away?' / 'i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me') – after the break described in hits different, joe returned to her (it was his key in the door, after all) and they gave the relationship another try... but they shouldn't have. she needed out of it for the sake of her mental health. no one intervened, and she now wishes they had. saying they simply 'forgot' to come get her shows how she feels like she slipped through the cracks... (this also calls back to 'my friends found friends who care' from dear reader. she's been checked out with them, so they've been checked out with her.) a similar sentiment is given by 'i was a functioning alcoholic 'til nobody noticed my new aesthetic'. no one noticed how much she was struggling. now she feels more unwell than ever.

the relationship has progressed to the point that they're husband and wife, but their problems haven't been solved... he's cold towards her. he's cheating on her. (this represents the emotional cheating or weird almost-cheating that's implied elsewhere on the album to have actually happened ('he was with her in dreams' / 'fell victim to interloper's glances' / 'i founded the club she's heard great things about' / 'go home to their husbands, smug 'cause they know they can trust him') but also how she feels like his physical cheating is therefore inevitable in this hypothetical future.)

she wants another guy (matty), but he's also married to someone else now. she recalls/fantasises about a fortnight she spent with this guy (likely representing 2014, though whether it was literally or figuratively a fortnight is unclear – the point is that it was a short time). all her days are mondays (widely considered the worst day of the week) in an endless february (one of the coldest, most depressing months of the year) – her existence is merely something to endure. she 'loves' both men, but it's ruining her life. (one is unfaithful and keeps her trapped ('locks and ceilings' on fresh out the slammer), while the other makes her dream of destroying her life as she knows it...) she hates her cheating husband. she hates the other guy's perfectly nice wife. she feels insane and wants to kill someone.

taking the album epilogue into account, my reading of this is: fortnight was the fear – what she saw as the situation taken to its logical end if she didn't leave joe. matty whispered 'what if?' in her ear a lot when things were bad with joe, selling her the 'get-love-quick scheme' referred to in the epilogue – 'what if it's meant to be us? i've always wanted you. i've grown up. i'm ready to give you all the things you want that he won't give you!' ...and in her desperation, she thought, 'what if he's right? what if joe isn't my destined love? what if i stay with him just hoping things will be good again but they never are? what if i'm not meant to marry him anyway? what if i regret not taking a chance on this other guy, and he was meant to be the one all along?' (this is despite the fact that they were only ever involved very briefly in the past, possibly betraying that this 'love' is superficial. she's an unreliable narrator from the beginning of this record, and reality consistently slips through. she touched him for only a fortnight... still, she touched him. some important subtext here is that means she doesn't have to start all over with someone brand new...)

ultimately, she HAS to find out 'what if?'. so at the end of the song, she runs away to florida, buys the car this guy wants and lets him touch her again. there's a LOT of symbolism here: the car she thinks she's bought is actually the rental car he crashes in loml – it's not really hers, just something she uses for a short period of time. the setting of florida leads to the song florida, which contains the same/similar symbolism in the form of the 'timeshare down in destin'. the car is also a getaway car. it will only start up when she lets him touch her again because she's realised the only way to leave her relationship with joe and find out 'what if?' with matty is to actually just DO IT – to go be with him instead of just thinking about being with him (see also: guilty as sin?).

...the rest of the album is her realising she wishes she'd just left it alone ('it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried' from loml). (this is also why the ivy/wcs mashup happened on tour, imo – he planted roots in her dreamland... but now that she knows, she wishes he'd left her wondering!)

- END -

analysis of other tracks coming soon?

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #fortnight #fortnight ft. post malone #taylor swift meta #taylor swift lyrical analysis #my posts #text

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joelockescoffee · 2 years

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Can yall please leave Joe's projects alone. Did y'all wanted Joe to play Leila in Kits movie? This fandom can separate kits projects from Joe with no problem. But likes to include kit in everything Joe does.

I'm sorry but everyone's pointing out he could play hulking cause he seems perfect for the role? It's been getting discussed for months ever since he signed with WME and when the auditions for the role were announced, the idea of him playing hulkling isn't new. Now that Joe's cast in the show, what's the harm in still wanting kit to play hulkling ? I know the chances are very slim, might never happen, but what's wrong in wanting to see them in a marvel show? Joe wil be cast in many movies/shows in future, I am not saying I wish for kit to be in all of them.

Oh okay "fandom likes to include kit in everything Joe does" I don't remember me or anyone saying oh I would love to see kit alongside Joe in The trials play.

Oh and btw, you are talking to a Joe Locke stan account :)

#j coffee answers

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ageofevermore · 2 years

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I’m In Love With You

SUMMARY — Sebastian loves every sleepy, nervous, sweet, gentle thing about you and the way you love him

PAIRING — Sebastian Stan x Reader ( 1.5k )

AUTHORS NOTE — Happy Valentine’s Day, loves. Inspired by Little Things by One Direction. Moved from another blog.

If it was six years ago, and Sebastian had given a speech about love, he would be sure to say two things; love at first sight is a load of utter bullshit, and he’s not an easy man to win. Sebastian had never taken into account that just maybe, he believed those things because he hadn’t met you yet. When your eyes met in the back of a coffee shop, Sebastian was gone. You became his exception to love and first sight, and he quickly fell in love with every little thing about you.

– your (sleepy) smile

Sebastian was slow in your relationship. You didn’t mind at all. On August 3rd, you knew for sure that you didn’t want anyone else to kiss your forehead or wait for you to lock your apartment door after a spontaneous date night but him. It was September 6th when he realized that he didn’t want to share his company or music taste with anyone else but you. It was November 13th when he’d finally grown the confidence to ask you to be his, albeit his words were still shaky and his cheeks bright red as if you would ever dare to say no to being his partner; his girl. You knew you loved him three weeks before he could say it himself, but through everything, you didn’t rush him.

You had been committed for almost two months before he invited you to spend the night at his place. It was exactly as you’d picture it would be, complete with a shaggy carpet rug and a dark olive colored couch. He had led you to his bedroom after one too many movies, and with such nervousness in his steps that it made your heart swell. Sebastian would always make you feel safe, and at ease. He had tried to escape back to that same dark olive couch before you had even taken your top off to exchange it for one of his stolen hoodies and a pair of pajama shorts. You’d pouted in his direction with the saddest puppy eyes Sebastian thought he would ever see, ultimately winning his company in bed without even a word.

That night, Sebastian fell in love with you all over again. He’d seriously doubted how cuddly you became when sleepy. When he woke to the room a fiery orange hue and your body almost on top of his, he’d tried to escape your sweet embrace. Not because he didn’t enjoy every second of your soft skin on his, but because he remembered how much you liked a morning cup of joe, and before asking you over he’d gone out to your favorite supermarket in search of your favorite roast and creamer. His plans to make his home feel a little more like yours fell short when you stirred awake the second he wasn’t touching you anymore.

You lifted your head from the pillows, your cheeks a shade of sleepy that Sebastian never wanted to spend another morning without. The sight of you pouting in his clothes, in his bed, in his home, was ethereal. You reached out for him, making cute grabby hands that tugged at his heart. “Come back.”

Sebastian smiled sweetly down at you, closing the space between your embraces. Your grabbing hand closed around the softness of his black sweatpants when he was close enough to touch, and his lips pressed to your forehead. His hand gently swept your hair out of your eyes and you tried to lean into his soft touches. “‘M gonna go put on a pot of coffee. Then I’ll be back.” He whispered against your forehead, only pulling away so that he could look into your soft eyes with adoration. God he loved the sight of you so sleepy and soft.

“Just stay.” You pleaded, and you didn’t have to ask Sebastian again. He was already just barely keeping himself out of your arms, but your pouty persistence wore him down quicker then he’d anticipated. Your lips curved upwards in a delicate smile that completely broke apart his heart. Sebastian would do anything to see you smile at him like that for the rest of your forever.

He had quickly learned that your half-asleep smiles were some of his absolute favorite things to start and end his days.

— your (nervous) hands

Sebastian learned very quickly that you didn’t do well in crowds. His well intended and admittedly very sweet movie-premiere date night had ended with you tear stained and asleep on his chest in the back of a taxicab on your way home to your hotel. That was the first time Sebestain’s ever held you so tightly, with such an aching protection in his heart and eyes.

You looked absolutely stunning. In a satiny red dress that went down to the carpet and elegant thin heels that accentuated your toned legs and gave you some height beside Sebatian. He hadn’t been shy in his admiration, telling you over and again how beautiful he thought you looked, and making a habit of holding your waist or your hand. It wasn't that you never dressed up, but you preferred a comfortable style to something so formal. That didn’t mean you didn’t feel powerful sitting next to Sebastian in the back of the car on the way to the venue.

That confidence had lasted you about an hour, before the adrenaline turned into anxiety. The switch in your attitude had no warning, but Sebastion had seen it immediately. Your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore and you stuck closer to his side in a panic. His hand, that hadn’t left your hip for a majority of the evening, moved up to your waist, holding you reassuringly.

At first he didn’t think anything of your knuckles drumming on his thigh in no practiced rhythm. He forced a smile for the cameras and held your waist tighter when he felt you becoming tense again. But, his heart fell into his belly when he realized why you’d kept tapping him. Your hands trembled at your sides, clenching into fists and out of them every time your nails dug into your palms too hard.

“Hey,” He whispered worriedly, laced with affection in his deep blue eyes. His hand fit perfectly in yours, albeit your tremor and clammy skin, to Sebastian, there was no better feeling than holding you. “I’ve got you, bebeluș.”

– your (sweet) habits

After he’s been away, Sebastian’s favorite thing to come home to is you. He loves coming into the apartment, feeling heavy on his feet, craving a hot shower and completely forgetting about everything that isn’t you the second he hears the kettle begin to screech on the back right burner.

He loves the way your arms wrap around his neck, and the way your knees push into his legs when you realize he’s home and all but pounce on him. His hands always hold onto the back of your head and the middle of your waist, keeping you close until neither one of you can stand the sound of the kettle anymore.

And on days when Sebastian doesn’t have to go to work, he makes you a cup of tea. He tucks you into bed with whatever your favorite book is at the moment, and comes downstairs to brew your strawberry lavender tea and fill a cup with ice water for when you inevitably stir awake because of a noise outside in the middle of the night. When you eventually try to fall back to sleep after you’ve reminded yourself that it was just an animal, having you settle down into his chest is the best feeling.

– your (gentle) voice

When he’s away for extended periods of time, and you can’t come with him because you have your own obligations, he misses you to the point of his heart physically aching. He always tries to manage, and convince you that he’s okay and enjoying himself, but you know him and his tells like you’d known him your entire life. What never fails to lift his spirits is a basket of his favorite Romanian treats, and the sound of your voice.

You hate that when he needs extra love the most, he’s always oceans and states away, but you’ve learned to make the most of every piece of him, even if it’s just his shaky voice on the other end of a FaceTime call as he pulls apart the basket of familiar things. You usually pack him a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, both sprayed with your most loved perfume, and a bag of his favorite coffee beans that you know he’s probably run out of since the last time he remembered to grab them from the store. Even without the intensive schedule, Sebastian left the grocery shopping to you. But as much as the small pieces of home heal his heart, it’s your voice and your efforts that make him feel like you aren’t that far away.

“Six more days, darling.” You remind him, brushing a strand of hair from your eyes as you sleepily watch him get changed into the clothes that smell like you. He physically relaxes every time, and you wince knowing how tight his shoulders are. “Get some rest, okay?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan blurb #sebastian stan oneshot #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fic

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wizardwomenwisdom · 2 years

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tw: eating disorder mention (specifically anorexia!!!), talk of mental health in general.

one of my favorite things joe does in the entire show (which is a high bar bc i would do anything for this kid he’s incredible) is how he delivers all of the e.d. foreshadowing lines. the show already does a good job of showing the signs: charlie hiding for lunch, being scared to exist in too large a space, not wanting to get out of bed. but joe works with the material to accurately portray the emotions that come w anorexia. so often shows and actors just treat it as just a silly desire to be skinny when it’s literally a mental and physical illness. he could’ve said his i don’t want to eat lines angrily, or abrasively, or like he didn’t want anyone to question it, the way so many actors do. he could’ve said it like he was choosing not to eat and it was a struggle. but he says it like he really isn’t, like he doesn’t realize it’s an unhealthy attempt to gain control. charlie’s brain has convinced him that not eating feels right and good and joe doesn’t shy away from that. like he gets that. anyway this is a joe locke stan account and i love him.

#heartstopper #joe locke #this boy deserves so much love #charlie spring #tw: ed mention #tw: mental illness #tw: eating issues #charlie heartstopper

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violetromanoff · 2 years

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I’m In Love With You

✿ੈ ∘*┊summary: sebastian loves every sleepy, nervous, sweet, gentle thing about you and the way you love him

✿ੈ ∘*┊sebastian stan x reader ( 1.5k )

✿ੈ ∘*┊authors note: happy valentines day, loves. Inspired by little things by one direction

– your (sleepy) smile

Sebastian smiled sweetly down at you, closing the space between your embraces. Your grabbing hand closed around the softness of his black sweatpants when he was close enough to touch, and his lips pressed to your forehead. His hand gently swept your hair out of your eyes, and you tried to lean into his soft touches. “‘M gonna go put on a pot of coffee. Then I’ll be back.” He whispered against your forehead, only pulling away so that he could look into your soft eyes with adoration. God, he loved the sight of you so sleepy and soft.

He had quickly learned that your half-asleep smiles were some of his absolute favorite things to start and end his days.

— your (nervous) hands

Sebastian learned very quickly that you didn’t do well in crowds. His well-intended and admittedly very sweet movie-premiere date night had ended with you tear stained and asleep on his chest in the back of a taxicab on your way home to your hotel. That was the first time Sebestain’s ever held you so tightly, with such an aching protection in his heart and eyes.

At first, he didn’t think anything of your knuckles drumming on his thigh in no practiced rhythm. He forced a smile for the cameras and held your waist tighter when he felt you becoming tense again. But his heart fell into his belly when he realized why you’d kept tapping him. Your hands trembled at your sides, clenching into fists and out of them every time your nails dug into your palms too hard.

– your (sweet) habits

And on days when Sebastian doesn’t have to go to work, he makes you a cup of tea. He tucks you into bed with whatever your favorite book is at the moment and comes downstairs to brew your strawberry lavender tea and fill a cup with ice water for when you inevitably stir awake because of a noise outside in the middle of the night. When you eventually try to fall back to sleep after you’ve reminded yourself that it was just an animal, having you settle down into his chest is the best feeling.

– your (gentle) voice

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan oneshot #sebastian stan fic #bucky barnes

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aroaceacacia · 3 years

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Just took a trip through hermittwt and it was indistinguishable from dsmptwt. I’m so disappointed in them (if anything it’s more embarrassing, scar’s a good 20-something years older than the average twitter stan I’m sure he can handle himself)

COHSHOCJOGJSPIGSGIP

yeah thats.... kind of my issue with them as well and why i stepped back a bit from the community, even if I was kinda on the fringes in the first place. the hermits are established adults who know how to behave and handle themselves online, and when an issue arises, they know they have a support system in each other (think xisuma helping tfc write the apology video he released a couple months ago). the way they're very concerned with keeping the feelings of the irl hermits in mind with the content and jokes they make is kinda... silly? to me, because 1) the hermits are adults who can block and mute people as they feel necessary, and 2) fandom isnt for the creators, it's for the fans. That's a sentiment Joe Hills himself expressed on stream in early 2020 when discussing his feelings on shipping. it's cool when creators are involved with fandom (think scott smajor checking in on tumblr's 3rd life and empires memes), but fundamentally, the hermitcraft fandom is for our enjoyment and not for the enjoyment of the hermits. obviously that doesnt mean being completely unrestrained with the kind of jokes/content we make (dont be assholes/bigots, use the agreed upon tagging systems, lock fics to only archive users on ao3 when you want to keep ccs out, and warn when necessary)

that and the fact that they have like, community rules when it's a public subtwt is a red flag for me personally. one of the problems that happened in hermitblr in 2019 was certain users/groups of users trying to force certain mindsets/opinions on the rest of the community and it ended up creating a very toxic environment because people were scared to think differently, whether that was intentional or unintentional. hermittwt has (or has tried to have) a policy of "keeping drama to the dms", too, so they can present themselves as a friendly and approachable subtwt, and it all just. it reeks of toxicity & negativity being bottled up and of groupthink

im sure they're all lovely people, and I've interacted with some of them and theyve been very nice. i just dont think the format/genre of having stan accounts dedicated to hermitcraft really works with hermitcraft as a brand and as a community of ccs, and the way theyve tried to go about handling their community reminds me too much of 2019 hermitblr to feel 100% safe there. that's just my onion tho

#not trying to start shit btw & dont harass anyone or ur all dead to me. im just sharing my thoughts & criticisms here #asks #discourse #twitter

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devilandthedanger · 2 years

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Heartstopper review:

Your new comfort series!

The hype does no justice to the adaptation of Heartstopper by the name of the same graphic novel by Alice Osman. Have you ever felt a deep connection with the MC of the series you are currently binge-watching? This series is comforting, like a hug. It's like hot chocolate amid cold winter breezes. Loving and adoring Charlie Spring comes naturally due to his character traits and pretty curls. Charlie Spring, played by Joe Locke, is a 10th grader and is openly gay and bullied for the same reason.

At the initiation, Charli has a secret relationship with Ben. But Charlie, in the first exchange of Hi, falls for Nick Nelson. Nick has an avid personality and reputation as Rugby King. Don't mistake Nelson for a classic douche, as his character is observant and concerned for Charlie. The story and the performances elevate the experiences making it a single sitting watch. The whole aura is super realistic and relatable. Tao, Isaac, Elle, and Charlie transition into a trio after Elle transfer to an all-girls school. Tao hates Nick out of concern for Charli when he expresses his crush on Nick.

The pace of the series is adequate and smooth. The series also has a bit going on in the background through the development of other characters. But the focus remains consistent on the couple. This series will leave you wanting more. And add many new Instagram accounts to stalk and stan.

Thanks for reading!>>

The next part of the review is on the way.

#heartstopper #alice oseman #web series #web series review #series #review #charlie spring #nick nelson #lgbtq+ movies #lgbtq movies #lgbtq series #gay movies

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sayruq · 4 years

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Have you seen Sophie getting harassed on twitter? And now she deactivated/deleted her account. She's been bullied on social media since she was a fucking teenager, and she talked about how much this affected her mental health. I am so upset and angry for her. These horrible assholes are celebrating for running her off twitter. Fucking delusional bullies who can't separate the characters they hate from the actors who played them, and project their hatred on the actors. I really despise them.

Targ stans have been sending Sophie a shitload of hate on twitter these past few days. Telling her they hate her, saying they hope Joe beats her/locks her in his basement/takes her phone, etc and she deleted her account. I never want to hear another Dany/Targ stan complain about misogyny or sexism again.

I saw. One of those bitches called the deactivation another example of ‘Daenerys voodoo’ which isn’t real because they’ve been on a losing streak since May. I’m glad Sophie doesn’t have to see their tweets anymore because they’re psychos. They made a group chat where they talked about flaying Rose so Emilia could marry Kit. They treat everything like a game but once we go after them, they call us bullies. They’re delusional to the bone

#sophie turner #anti dany stans #Anonymous

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pollylynn · 4 years

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Title: Sole Survivor WC: 900

“I’m thinking it must have been the Nazis,” he says once the elevator doors close and she’s trapped. “They messed with the Romany. Boom. There’s your curser right there.”

“Curser?” She engages against her better judgment. “Is that a word?”

“With an o, with an e, it’s a word.” He smiles smugly and rocks from heel to toe and back again. “But I suppose you don’t believe in the curse?”

“I don’t believe in any curses.” She studies the light gliding down, floor by floor, with exaggerated lack of interest. “Unless I’m the one making them happen.”

The car dings open at the lobby. She casts a smug smile of her own over her shoulder as she heads out. He gives his tailbone an unconscious rub as he follows.

“I know you don’t believe in general.” He gives her a long-suffering look. “But how could you not believe in this one?”

“Gee, Castle, I don’t know.” She spins to face him, bumping open the glass door to the street with her backside in the same motion. “How could I not believe that someone would bother to curse a fake necklace?”

“No one knew it was fake.” He sails past her sidestepping to hold the door and usher her out with a flourish. “Every single person involved believed it was real and acted on that.”

“That makes it a con, not a curse.” The night air is cold. She pulls her coat closer about her body and tips her face up to the bank of gunmetal clouds hanging low over the city. “Dempsey used it to play the big man—“

“And Priscilla Campbell died without it,” he finishes, then looks as if he wished he hadn’t.

For all that he loves the bleak cityscapes and morally bankrupt characters of Phillip Marlowe’s world, such stark, violent end in the real world—for a flesh-and-blood woman whose greatest sin was attaching herself to a bad man to keep her head above water—weighs him down. It weighs her down too, but . . . less. Just from habit, just from self-preservation, it weighs her down less.

She bumps him with her shoulder as they traverse the stretches of dark between indifferent pools of streetlight, trying to knock some of that weight loose. She tries to jostle him back into happier, juicier, curse-related thoughts, even though she doesn’t believe in curses.

“Sally and Lenny might’ve gotten away with it,” she says as though she’s dangling a carrot. “Lenny got greedy for it, though.”

“Ooh, he did!” He turns a grateful look on her. “And stupid, too. If he’d just let Sally shoot them both first and then grabbed the butterfly.” He stops himself short again. It’s a good story, and like all good stories, it’s rife with the kinds of things that are bound weigh on him. “I’m glad he was stupid,” he mumbles, hanging his head.

“Me too,” she says quietly.

It’s true, she supposes. It’s an odd thing to think, given those two bodies in the car—two young lives cut short by greed and betrayal and bitterness—but all the same, she’s glad it wasn’t Joe and Vera. She’s glad that Lenny was stupid.

“Maybe that’s the real curse,” she says.

She’s more thinking out loud than anything, but his head swings toward her, and there’s a half grin on his face.

“Stupidity?” He reaches for her elbow, drawing her closer to him to make room for a couple passing in the other direction. They nod and smile as New Yorkers only seem to do when he’s around. The two of them nod and smile back. “You might be on to something there. I mean Stan—“

“—quits a job as an account,” she jumps in without missing a beat.

“Not a very good accountant, I’m thinking,” he interjects.

“Because he finds one coin and thinks he’s going to be a treasure hunter.” She nods him toward the short block she’d managed to find a space on. “Yeah, I’m thinking stupidity is the real curse here.”

“Except there’s no curse,” he says as he stops by the passenger door, waiting for her to pop the locks.

“No curse?” She regards him across the car roof, pale with the layer of frost that’s formed in the hour or so they’ve been off hearing about Vera and Joe’s unlikely happily ever after. “What?”

“I’ve thought it through, and I can say with one-hundred percent certainty that the blue butterfly was not cursed.”

He throws open his door with a dramatic gesture and slides into the seat. She follows suit, with considerably less drama and considerably more irritation.

“No curse.” She chews her lip and drums her fingers on the steering wheel. “Okay, Castle. Spill.”

“There is one person in this whole saga who lives.” He half turns in his seat to face her. “One person motivated by pure greed and unalloyed lust for the kind of fame that only such a storied artifact could bring. One person—”

“Clyde Belasco.” She smiles and shakes her head. “Clyde Belasco lives.”

“Exactly!” He holds up a triumphant finger. “That guy? Any curse worth its salt would take that guy out.”

“First thing.” She laughs up at the car roof. Her breath forms instant clouds on the driver’s side window, on the windshield. She switches on the ignition and cranks the heat. “Absolutely first thing.”

A/N: A pretty feeble effort, but it’s late, and I have gotten so, so, sooo behind I will never not be behind again. Hmmm.

images via homeofthenutty

#Castle #Caskett #Castle: Season 4 #Castle: The Blue Butterfly #Kate Beckett #Richard Castle #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Writing #Hmmm

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inactiverandomjreader · 2 years

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DHAKFHSJDBKABXJSJEJSHDJAHFJSJFDJFHSJXBDB TOOCUTETOOCUTETOOCUTETOOCUTE

...if you need me, I'll be that melted puddle of human goo on the ground

(from @/heartstopper_hq on Instagram)

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queennicoleinboots · 3 years

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A Fictional Account of BREAKING NEWS: EMERGENCY BROADCAST

BREAKING NEWS: EMERGENCY BROADCAST

A/N: Sequel to "Off Grid Desert Farming with Pastor Penn and Scholar Alexia." The Green Planet is blowing up.

Date: August 31, 2021, 12:43 p.m.

"Lights! Sound! Costumes! Crowns! Make-up! Camera! Action!" Milk Mama Chrissy, the queenliest of submissive drama queens with all of her glorious titles spoke with her distinct English voice.

The cameras turned on to reveal Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets sitting eight inches away from King Joebear. King Joebear wore a gold crown and sat eight inches away from me. I wore a silver crown and sat eight inches away from Stan Doe. Stan Doe still sported his gray suit, white button-down shirt, and red tie and sat away eight inches away from King Bruce Ice. King Bruce Ice sat eight inches away from Prince Peter W. Parker who wore silver crown, an orange and brown checkered button-down shirt, and blue jeans. Princess Kissy and Princess Oreo were laying their fat asses on the news desk.

"Good evening, everyone. I am Prince Oliver, Werewolf of the United Planets for those tuning in. I am here to support Queen Xara's and Prince Peter Wallace Parker's separate broadcasts that are squeezed into the same show for mere convenience," he said.

--------------------------------------------------

There was loud static, and the screens were going out. Then there was Prince Banana wearing a black spacesuit behind a plain green screen.

"THE PLAGUE IS HERE! IT'S IN THE STUDIO! EVERYONE, IF YOU ARE NEAR THIS SPACESHIP, EVACUATE! I REPEAT, EVACUATE! IF YOU ARE IN THE SPACE SHIP, GET THE FUCK OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THIS IS A LIVE EMERGENCY BROADCAST! THE PLAGUE IS HERE! STAY AT LEAST 10 FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! PUT ON YOUR SPACE HELMETS! GET TO YOUR HOUSES! QUARANTINE! QUARANTINE! QUARANTINE!" he shouted. He then started broadcasting in other languages.

--------------------------------------------------

"OH SHIT. THE (encrypted voice done by Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama Chrissy, Encrypting Genius, "SPANISH POLENTAS") are infecting us all!!!! It's a big show tonight, and the rest of it is going to be on Boom. Maybe it won't be as big as Pastor Penn's show yesterday afternoon, but for a Monday night, big enough. DarthSydePhineas is still at large on the Internet. He's streaming live on Youfail.cahm as we speak, quarantined on Planet Earth. My wife, Queen Xara, and I, King Joebear, listen to him complaining about how awful he is at Street Fighter 2, a PS4 game while we do bear business," King Joebear said with a strong growl as he was running out of the studio with a wireless microphone attached to him.

King Bruce Ice growled to honor King Joebear as he ran in the opposite direction to burst through the spaceship door.

Count Vanilla growled on a separate screen nine times and jumped out of the window before flying to his freezer.

"Count Vanilla! Get home! Get on Boom and get on the MICK!" Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy shouted as she put on a black helmet and started spraying her dressing room with a strong disinfectant. Then she was trying to connect to Boom in her dressing room as she locked herself in there.

"Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am! Yes ma'am!" Count Vanilla said as he kept flying in the air against high winds and bananas falling from the sky.

Zachary Giraffinakis then took his large camera set up and equipment and ran off to his own space ship to hide there.

"Thank you," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama Chrissy said as she switched the signal to Boom instead of PBC.

The Planetary Broadcasting Corporation was now streaming live off of whoever was on the Boom channel.

Prince Peter dressed in a spacesuit similar to Darth Vader from Star Wars and rushed out of there to his own house.

King Bruce Ice had set his Boom and is now streaming live from his office.

Stan Doe is nowhere to be found.

King Joebear and I were quarantined in our separate bedrooms and had connected with the Planetary Broadcasting Corporation server on Boom. Princess Kissy and Princess Oreo were hiding God knows where.

Count Vanilla was getting situated in his office chair in the freezer. We heard the plastic crinkle of his diaper. He then adjusted himself nine times and played with the settings on Boom. He growled nine times out of frustration.

"Okay. We're officially ready for the broadcast. Queen Xara, speak please," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said.

"Well, it's more like reading a set script because I get nervous on camera, but I can read MAC n Cheese! It's one of my favorite children's books. It inspired me to write Taco Mac with Colonel Mac when Count Vanilla was named Colonel Mac to honor my long lost comrade, Colonel America for America. I got a little excited. Excuse me. In fact, I got so excited that I got pregnant... again," I said.

Count Vanilla, King Joebear, and King Bruce Ice growled loudly on their servers.

"Congratulations! You didn't tell me you were pregnant! How did that happen?!" Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy asked.

Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets was in the U.K. spaceship in his cockpit on the Boom server. He joined us and chuckled.

Count Vanilla, King Joebear, King Bruce Ice, and Darth Peter laughed. Darth Peter was at home locked in his room on the Boom server.

We heard Stan Doe laughing, but his camera wasn't on.

Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy stared at the camera. "I KNOW how it happened, but I meant when did she find out?! Excuse my miscommunication," she said with lips that were in a very straight line.

"Actually, just now. The baby kicked me a few seconds ago," I answered. "Hello baby. You're going to be beautiful." I looked at my stomach and rubbed it.

"That's wonderful, bae! I'm a father of six cubs now!" King Joebear said with a proud growl.

Count Vanilla and King Bruce Ice growled with him.

"Congratulations, Queen Xara. Your new cub has my blessing," Captain Slammer said from a broadcast he did from inside his meteor.

King Joebear sang a series of bear yodels before he laughed.

"That was my response when I found out my wife was pregnant with a fourth cub. I thought I was fertile! King Joebear, you're wild!" King Bruce Ice said.

"Yes. We have six cubs now: Lucy, Adam, Eve, Paddington Joe, Pooh, and we don't know the name of our sixth cub," King Joebear said.

"Stan Doe," Stan Doe said as he stared at the camera. He turned on his camera.

"Excuse me?" King Joebear asked.

"Stan Doe. My name is Stan Doe. I'm the sixth cub," the black goat said to King Joebear.

"You're a goat. Not a bear. Queen Xara, what is going on?!" King Joebear asked with a ferocious growl.

"Stan Doe is a goat. He's my sixth child. Remember when I got inseminated in a story that I wasn't able to write because that alternate universe was interrupted by the Plague simulation?" I asked.

King Joebear scratched his head and stared at me. Then it clicked. "Oh yeah! You volunteered to be a surrogate mother for a black goat that couldn't get pregnant no matter what in an alternate reality in which I was trapped in a Magic the Gathering alternate reality."

"Yep. The father is a mad scientist," I said. "He said that this child had to be born or the whole multiverse would implode on itself and cease to exist."

"MY father is a mad scientist. And from the sound of things, I assume he was correct," Stan Doe spoke.

"That sounds even crazier than the idea of DarthSydePhineas actually being good at the Darkstalkers fighting games on Nintendo," King Joebear said. "He likes feta cheese."

Stan Doe giggled. "Indeed, but with the way the world is, is it really that far-fetched?"

DarthSydePhil interrupted the transmission and came on our Boom server. "Wooooooaaaaatttt???!! They got food at an Atlanta tournament. I couldn't take it!" He then started doing the 'hand thing.' "It's online bullshit!"

"How are you able to transmit the signal with that much clarity FROM EARTH?" King Joebear asked.

"No idea," I said.

"Probably a fiber optic wire that transcended the Twix galaxy. Thank Goodness I wasn't intergalactic for a long period of time. I was born and raised in North Coraline, the United Emirates of Chinta," Stan Doe said.

"Sooo... how did you age 20 some years in two years' time?" King Joebear asked.

"22, actually. And time doesn't move forward on this planet, remember? It moves side to side, and because I'm from an alternate reality, I age quickly or not at all," Stan Doe explained.

"I'll be. Something tells me that you have the exact same birthday as me," King Joebear said.

"May 3, 11:59 p.m.," Stan Doe said.

"Damn! I was close! May 4 at 5:10 a.m." King Joebear said.

"Both of you are Tauruses. Stan Doe would fit right in to our dysfunctional family!" I said as I virtually hugged both of them.

King Joebear sniffed the camera. Princess Kissy also jumped on our Boom server and sniffed the camera. She showed us her butt on camera to show her approval.

"What say you, King Joebear?" King Bruce Ice asked.

Princess Kissy rubbed up against the camera and kneaded her cat bed. King Joebear laughed. He then made a pterodactyl sound. Stan Doe leaned away from the camera and looked concerned.

King Joebear said, "Nooooooooo.... he is not ready yet! He hasn't decided whether to join us in the resistance of the jab. He's in the position to decide, though."

"Forgive me, King Joebear. I need more information before my personal decision is made. I'm a news reporter. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life avoiding the very people I need to inform?" Stan Doe asked.

De of Sean then interrupted the transmission by joining our Boom server and yelled "Waaaaahhhhhh!!!" He was a dark goat with round brown eyes and a large mouth.

"That seems like a good answer to me," King Joebear said.

Stan Doe raised his eyebrow. "How so?!"

"HIS INTERNET SUCKS SO HARD!" DarthSydePhineas yelled.

"But does that really mean I should do a different career?!" Stan Doe asked.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but-" Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy tried to say.

"Owww!!!!" I shouted. "No. I'm sorry to interrupt, but my seventh child is mad that we haven't named it yet." My child kicked me again. "What?! I don't know what gender you are!"

"Do you have any idea what to call him or her?" King Bruce Ice asked.

"Ariel or Christiana if a girl, and Xannon or Parker if a boy," I answered.

Darth Parker breathed the trademark breath of Darth Vader. "Parker? Really?" he asked.

"Why not? Paddington Joe, our fifth child, inherited my name. Lucy, Adam, and Eve have their names for obvious reasons," King Joebear said.

"WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CALL IT DE OF SEAN! HE LAGS ALL THE TIME. I CAN'T PLAY WITH HIM! I REFUSE. I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE SAME LOBBY AS HIM," DarthSydePhil shouted. "Frustrating. Frustrating. Frustrating. Where's my fucking move? Fucking finally. De of Sean follows me everywhere. You suck."

Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets, Count Vanilla, King Joebear, Stan Doe, King Bruce Ice, Darth Parker, and I laughed.

"Some pervert just messed up my chat. You're banned. Fuck off!" DarthSydePhineas said.

It was true. Some random people on the server were typing lewd messages that we aren't allowed to post here.

"Yeah. On a news broadcast. The hell's wrong with this guy?!" King Joebear asked.

"Excuse me, DarthSydePhineas. I believe you're in the wrong transmission," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said.

"It happens. The Internet connection sucks here," DarthSydePhineas said. "Frustrating. Frustrating. Frustrating"

Count Vanilla growled nine times.

"Forgive me. I really need some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream," I said as my child kicked me again.

Princess Kissy meowed loudly. Then Princess Oreo joined our Boom server on the emergency landline in our closet and meowed loudly.

"Well, let's get you some ice cream then," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said.

Princess Kissy laid sideways near the screen and looked at us.

"I will fetch you Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream," Stan Doe said as he virtually sent the ice cream through holographic technology.

"I will fetch everyone some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream," King Joebear said as he was programming holograms of Blue Bell vanilla ice cream to everyone on the server.

"I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream. I will fetch mommy some Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream," Count Vanilla said as he was shoving nine cartons of Blue Bell vanilla ice cream through his scanner.

"Mommy? Queen Xara, how many children do you have?!" King Joebear shouted.

"Seven birth and one adopted, me. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny. Queen Xara isn't my birth mother. She's my nanny," Count Vanilla explained.

"I'll get you more ice cream. Apples and cinnamon, my love?" King Joebear asked as he got up and stretched. "I'm so stiff. How did we get so stiff?" Then he sat back down and programmed the apple cinnamon vanilla ice cream to my server.

"We got old. And yes, apples and cinnamon. Like Apple Pie A La Mode!" I shouted.

"I will make an apple pie for you, mother," Stan Doe said as he started the long process of programming an apple pie to me.

"Thank you. I love all of my babies," I said.

"Everyone loves you, Queen Xara," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said. "And I am your most faithful sister."

"Awaw Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama Chrissy! A-Chrissy! You warm my heart!" I shouted. And then I thought, 'Nice touch by adding 'Bomma' to her title, Prince Banana. You're truly a genius.'

Princess Kissy then programmed with King Joebear, Count Vanilla, and Stan Doe to fetch my ice cream.

DarthSydePhineas kept fucking up our signal.

"I say! I wish he would fix connection or BUG OFF!" Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets said as he hammerfisted his desk with his right hand.

"Yes. It's very annoying. It's annoying the hell out of me!" King Bruce Ice shouted with a growl.

DarthSydePhineas's signal fucked up our connection again.

"Good Heavens! I can't do this! It's time for a commercial break!" Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy shouted dramatically as she switched the signal to a Twitch.TV broadcast.

--------------------------------------------------

Count Vanilla was singing "Sweet Dreams R Made of These" as he wore a black collar with a blue bell in the front and swam in an ocean of vanilla ice cream. He then started to dance similarly to Michael Jackson near Annie Lennox. They were dancing like they were walking on broken glass.

"Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Cream. Nothing is sweeter than the sweet dream made of Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Cream," Emilie Autumn narrated.

--------------------------------------------------

King Joebear fixed the connection before he successfully programmed the vanilla cinnamon ice cream with apple pieces in it. I began to download the bowl of ice cream into my stomach.

Count Vanilla pumped out nine more bowls of Blue Bell Breyers vanilla ice cream into my server. There was a bowl of ice cream for each of the other news anchors as well (minus Stan Doe who disconnected from the server to program an apple pie for me). Count Vanilla sent Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets, King Joebear, King Bruce Ice, Darth Parker, and Prince Banana who was finally able to join our server from his Batmobile. Count Vanilla began to eat his ice cream.

DarthSydePhineas conveniently gave us another commercial break while we ate our ice cream. My unborn child was a hungry, fatass bear. I was downloading again, eating again, and hungry again.

Princess Kissy and Princess Oreo were licking up the remnants of the vanilla ice cream that they were sent. Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy also was sent a bowl of ice cream from Zachary Giraffinakis. Zachary Giraffinakis assisted Stan Doe in programming my apple pie.

--------------------------------------------------

DarthSydePhil was fighting a snake in Street Fighter Turbo. He was wearing a peach cloth diaper as he wrestled with a snake and was laughing.

"Tour yougets!" DarthSydePhineas shouted at the snake. "Whhaaaaaaaaa!!!!"

The snake was defeated.

DarthSydePhineas then changed into a navy blue kimono and fought Calvin Klein because he thought CK's designs were too expensive. But Calvin Klein was beating DarthSydePhineas's ass before DarthSydePhineas yelled "TAKE THAT!..TAKE THAT SHIT" and beat Calvin Klein's ass. "CAN'T PARRY!!!... CAN'T PARRY! CAN'T PARRY BECAUSE OF LAG!!! He beat Calvin Klein's ass.

Then DarthSydePhineas then got into a nasty fight with De of Sean and got pissed off. The funny thing is that De of Sean is my ex-boyfriend and the ex friend of King Joebear. It's a long story, but it basically involved us all fighting. King Joebear beat De of Sean's ass and then asked for my love. I gave that cub my love. I love a cub who can fight.

DarthSydePhineas then went to beat Calvin Klein's ass again because he was still pissed about Calvin Klein's prices. DarthSydePhineas then had to beat De of Sean's ass again because De of Sean was peanut butter pissed again. De of Sean was whooping DarthSydePhineas's ass. Then DarthSydePhineas kicked De of Sean in the balls.

Then DarthSydePhineas fought Ken Masters to relieve more stress and anxiety from being broker than hell. Ken Masters yelled "Shorrrrryyyyuuuuken!"

DarthSydePhineas then took a breath of relief and thanked us all for existing. "Adibba Dobbs dibba that's all folks! Until tomorrow when I play BlackOps and Microsoft Simulator. See you in the morning. See ya later."

--------------------------------------------------

I was still eating my bowls of ice cream. Darth Parker just finished his. Zachary Giraffinakis cleared the cache on our server to get rid of unnecessary temporary files. Stan Doe was letting the pie download as he returned to the server. King Bruce Ice was adjusting his set. Prince Peter was doing sound tests. Meanwhile, Prince Banana had disconnected from the server. I assumed he was just there for the ice cream program.

"I'm sorry, but I'm still not ready for my broadcast. Is anyone else able to do a broadcast?" Darth Parker asked in his deep Southern voice as he was having sound difficulties.

"Hang on, dark Prince. Let me ask if anyone has news," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said quickly.

"I'll be glad to help," Found Sheep as he joined the server.

"Oh thank you, Found Sheep," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said. "Please take the floor."

"Thank you," Found Sheep said. He cleared his throat before he spoke again. "Hello everyone, I'm Found Sheep. I want to tell you a dream I had about an agitator who was trying to push the (encrypted voice done by Milk Mama Chrissy, Encrypting Genius saying, "Biometric signature") onto us. It's barbaric. I was being chased by men in white lab coats that were singing Hakuna Mutata as they were running with scissors. Other people were getting agitated because they were being herded like wolves into a grocery store and were told to stand ten feet apart while trying to run at the same time. They would listen if they were told to wear a pair of pants on their faces. It was madness, but I ran with humility to the Lord. I wasn't going and still not going to obey the government and man. I am not going to promote it. Do you want to be part of Revelation Chapter 13? Do you want to be part of enforcing the (encrypted voice done by Milk Mama Chrissy, Encrypting Genius saying, "Biometric signature")? Is this world really worth holding on to enough to sacrifice who you are? Look at the future. It's time to say enough is enough. Pick up your cross and follow the Lord! Go to Matthew 10. I am a sheep among the wolves. Do not get pulled into the agitation. Don't let the world consume you. The wolves are devouring without sight. I do not trust anyone part of any authoritative organization. They have to sign certain oaths against the Lord. And they hate people like us. And it's hard for us. But we need to be strong. Teach others instead of preaching to them. Show them the joy of our Lord in the natural world. Show the Lord thanks. The future generation is a blessing. Teach it correctly. Tell it that the only thing you must fear is the Lord. Unfortunately, families will fight among each other because they haven't grown a relationship with the Lord. But you can overcome that. Trust in our Lord."

"Thank you, Found Sheep. The Planetary Broadcasting Corporation only tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We are not funded by anyone other than those who donate to us. We are not bought and sold by Chinta, China, or any other embassy. We want to gain your trust," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said.

"I greatly appreciate you having me on tonight. But please remember my message tonight. It is very important to stay strong. That's why I'm here tonight. I know many viewers are struggling, even the preppers. Please trust in the Lord. You cannot survive this plandemic alone. I meant what I said. Plandemic. Preppers out there, please read the book of Revelation," Found Sheep said as he stared at the camera.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt your broadcast, but Queen Xara's apple pie is done," Stan Doe said as he downloaded the apple pie onto my server.

"Go ahead. Be thankful for your apple pie, Queen Xara. The Lord gives that to you to nourish your baby," Found Sheep said to me.

0 notes

chicagoindiecritics · 4 years

Text

New from Every Movie Has a Lesson by Don Shanahan: FEATURE: Final 2020 Awards Tracker

FINAL 2020 AWARDS TRACKER

Welcome to the ninth year of Every Movie Has a Lesson’s “Awards Tracker.” My goal every year is simple: Help each and every one of you win your Oscar pools. As a member of three recognized awards-voting bodies of film critics (OFCS, OFTA, and Chicago Indie Critics), it’s a pleasure and honor to see my own picks made it into the award season discussion. Here’s how this little page of my personal interest works. I find value in tracking the trends and following the tea leaves of the all the minor lead-up awards before the Oscars. I chart the winners of each category with listed winners and comments on the surrounding buzz.

FINAL TAKE: Prediction-wise, I was a so-so 16 of 24. Not great, but not bad. I’ll take being wrong to watch a night of history honoring women and international film!

BEST MOTION PICTURE

FINAL TAKE: Folks, in another year of #OscarsSoWhite and questionable gender appreciation, the 92nd Academy Awards dropped (or was it raised, LOL) a microphone of history in favor of diversity. Say it out loud. Parasite is first foreign language film to win Best Picture. Boom! What a boom!

WINNERS:

26- Parasite (ATL, Cannes, NYO, SEA, PCC, CIC, NC, FCC, Chicago, BO, CO, DC, DET, HOU, LA, NSFC, SE, UT, VAN, AUS, EDA, GA, GAL, OFTA, Online, London, Oscar)

10- Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (OK, STL, LV, SAT, Globe, CC, SF, IA, HI, ND)

7- 1917 (KC, Globe, DFW, PGA, DEN, HC, BAFTA)

6- The Irishman (HFA, NBR, NY, SD, NT, NM)5- Marriage Story (GI, IN, NV, GW, DUB)

2- Knives Out (CIC, PHI)2- Little Women (Boston, WC)1- The Farewell (Spirit)

OTHERS: 1- Joker (PHX), 1- Jojo Rabbit (TIFF), 1- Ford v Ferrari (SAT), 1- Portrait of a Lady on Fire (FL), 1- The Nightingale (ACT), 1- Avengers: Endgame (PC), 1- Us (AA), 1- Dolemite is My Name (BF), 1- The Last Black Man in San Francisco (AA), 1- The Souvenir (Sight & Sound), 1- Clemency (Sundance), 1- Wild Rose (BAS), 1- For Sama (BI), 1- The Composer (GSA)

BEST DIRECTOR

FINAL TAKE: We all thought the WOW and WHOA of Parasite ended here. Man, were we surprised. Keep multiplying the history and reverence!

WINNERS:

27- Bong Joon-Ho for Parasite (ATL, NYO, SEA, Boston, PCC, CIC, NC, FCC, IN, Chicago, BO, CO, DC, GW, HOU, LA, VAN, AUS, CC, EDA, GA, GAL, SF, OFTA, Online, ND, London, Oscar)

10- Sam Mendes for 1917 (KC, Globe, DFW, NT, UT, DGA, CC, DEN, PHX, BAFTA)

7- Martin Scorsese for The Irishman (OK, BF, DET, PHI, SE, DUB, NM)5- Quentin Tarantino for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (NBR, STL, LV, IA, HI)3- Josh and Benny Sadfie for Uncut Gems (NY, SD, Spirit)

2- Greta Gerwig for Little Women (CIC, NSFC)

2- James Mangold for Ford V. Ferrari (HFA, SAT)

2- Noam Baumbach for Marriage Story (NV, HC)

OTHERS: 1- Olivia Wilde for Booksmart (HC), 1- Celine Sciamma for Portrait of a Lady on Fire (FL), 1- Kasi Lemmons for Harriet (BF), 1- Jordan Peele for Us (AA), 1- Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert for American Factory (DGA), 1- Jennifer Kent for The Nightingale (ACT), 1- Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne for Young Ahmed (Cannes), 1- Matt Pinder for Murder Case (BAS), 1- Jon S. Baird for Stan & Ollie (BAS)

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

FINAL TAKE: This may have been Adam Driver’s year and arguably his decade, but this made for a platform win for Joaquin. Moved and motivated, his late awards season surge culminated all the way to the biggest stage and microphone.

WINNERS:

29- Adam Driver for Marriage Story (GI, ATL, SEA, KC, PCC, SD, CIC, NC, FCC, IN, NV, Chicago, CO, DC, DFW, DET, FL, GW, HOU, PHI, SE, UT, VAN, DUB, EDA, GA, WC, Online, OFTA)

14- Joaquin Phoenix for Joker (NYO, SD, Globe, NT, CC, DEN, SAG, PHX, HC, IA, HI, ND, BAFTA, London, Oscar)

8- Adam Sandler for Uncut Gems (NBR, OK, STL, Boston, LV, BO, AUS, Spirit)

7- Antonio Banderas for Pain and Glory (HFA, NY, Cannes, LA, NSFC, SF, GAL)

2- Eddie Murphy for Dolemite is My Name (BF, AA)

2- Taron Egerton for Rocketman (SAT, Globe)

OTHERS: 1- Levan Gelbakhiani for And Then We Danced (NM), 1- Christian Bale for Ford v Ferrari (SAT), 1- Josh O’Connor for Only You (BI), 1- Damon Herriman for Judy and Punch (ACT), 1- Lorn MacDonald for Beats (BAS)

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

FINAL TAKE: Rambling speech or not, Renee peaked at the right time, even in an underseen movie. She joins a very exclusive list of multiple Oscar-winning women. Someday like Adam, Scarlett is going to get that make-up award for a late career success that harks back to her growth in Marriage Story.

WINNERS:

26- Lupita Nyong’o for Us (NY, NYO, SEA, OK, KC, PCC, SD, CIC, NC, FCC, IN, BF, Chicago, AA, BO, CO, DC, PHI, AUS, EDA, GA, WC, SF, Online, HC, OFTA)

16- Renee Zellweger for Judy (HFA, BI, ATL, NBR, LV, Globe, HOU, SE, CC, SAG, PHX, IA, Spirit, BAFTA, GAL, London)

12- Scarlett Johansson for Marriage Story (STL, FCC, NV, SAT, DFW, DET, FL, GW, UT, VAN, DEN, DUB)

4- Awkwafina for The Farewell (GI, Globe, SAT, HI)

2- Mary Kay Place for Diane (LA, NSFC)

2- Charlize Theron for Bombshell (NV, NT)

OTHERS: 1- Adele Haenel for Portrait of a Lady on Fire (NM), 1- Florence Pugh for Midsommar (ND), 1- Cynthia Erivo for Harriet (WC), 1- Saoirse Ronan for Little Women (Boston), 1- Jessie Buckley for Wild Rose (BAS), 1- Aisling Franciosi for The Nightingale (ACT), 1- Emily Beechem for Little Joe (Cannes)

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

FINAL TAKE: The show led off with lasting popular history. Pitt was the acting lock of the night and the moment did him right. Bravo!

WINNERS:

29- Brad Pitt for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (ATL, NBR, OK, STL, Boston, Globe, CIC, BF, Chicago, BO, DC, DFW, HOU, NSFC, PHI, SE, VAN, AUS, CC, DEN, EDA, SAG, SF, PHX, Online, IA, OFTA, HI, BAFTA, NM)

13- Joe Pesci for The Irishman (NY, NYO, KC, SD, NV, DET, FL, GW, PHI, UT, GA, HC, London)

7- Willem Dafoe for The Lighthouse (SEA, LV, IN, SAT, CO, Spirit, ND)

4- Song Kang-Ho for Parasite (PCC, CIC, LA, GAL)

OTHERS: 1- Tom Hanks for A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (NT), 1- Jamie Foxx for Just Mercy (AA), 1- Shia LeBeouf for Honey Boy (FCC), 1- Al Pacino for The Irishman (HFA), 1- Joel Edgerton for The King (ACT), 1- Hugh Laurie for The Personal History of David Copperfield (BI)

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

FINAL TAKE: As of this award, the acting prizes went pretty chalk with odds and trends. Laura Dern prevents a Marriage Story shut-out.

WINNERS:

21- Laura Dern for Marriage Story (HFA, ATL, NY, NY, Globe, DFW, DET, FL, NSFC, SE, VAN, CC, DEN, SAG, PHX, IA, ND, HI, BAFTA, Oscar, London)

14- Jennifer Lopez for Hustlers (SEA, OK, FCC, IN, NV, SAT, DC, LA, AUS, SF, Online, HC, OFTA, GAL)

9- Florence Pugh for Little Women (NC, Chicago, BO, CO, GW, PHI, UT, EDA, GA)

5- Zhao Shuzhen for The Farewell (SD, CIC, HOU, NT, Spirit)

3- Da’Vine Joy Randolph for Dolemite is My Name (KC, BF, AA)

2- Margot Robbie for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood/Bombshell (STL, LV)

OTHERS: 1- Yeo-Jeong Jo for Parasite (NM), 1- Thomasin McKenzie for Jojo Rabbit (PCC), 1- Kathy Bates for Richard Jewell (NBR), 1- Magnolia Maymuru for The Nightingale (ACT), 1- Ruthxjiah Bellenea for The Last Tree (BI)

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

FINAL TAKE: Bong Hive! I was in the #AnyoneButQuentin camp of one, but this category didn’t become about preferences. This was a win for international cinema. It’s extremely rare for the scene to have attention, let alone victory, in these top categories.

WINNERS:

21- Bong Joon-Ho and Han Jin-Won for Parasite (ATL, NYO, SEA, NC, Chicago, AA, CO, NSFC, SE, UT, AUS, EDA, GA, SF, Online, HC, OFTA, GAL, BAFTA, WGA, Oscar)15- Noah Baumbach for Marriage Story (GI, STL, SD, FCC, IN, SAT, DC, DFW, DET, GW, LA, VAN, DUB, Spirit, London)

9- Quentin Tarantino for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (NY, STL, Boston, LV, Globe, NV, BO, CC, HI, ND)

8- Rian Johnson for Knives Out (OK, KC, CIC, PCC, HOU, PHI, DEN, PHX)

2- Josh Sadfie, Benny Sadfie, and Ronald Bronstein for Uncut Gems (NBR, FL)

OTHERS: 1- Robert Eggers and Max Eggers for The Lighthouse (NM), 1- Lena Waithe for Queen & Slim (BF), 1- Nicole Taylor for Wild Rose (BAS), 1- Jennifer Kent for The Nightingale (ACT), 1- Celine Sciamma for Portrait of a Lady on Fire (Cannes)

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

FINAL TAKE: This was quite a late season surge for Waititi. He is beloved and someday Greta Gerwig will get hers. It’s a matter of time.

WINNERS:

16- Greta Gerwig for Little Women (KC, CIC, NC, IN, Chicago, CO, SAT, DC, FL, UT, USC, AUS, CC, DEN, EDA, OFTA)

9- Steve Zaillian for The Irishman (NBR, OK, BF, GW, SE, GA, Online, HI, NM)

8- Taika Waititi for Jojo Rabbit (FCC, NV, SF, PHX, HC, BAFTA, Oscar, WGA)

OTHERS: 1- Todd Phillips and Scott Silver for Joker (SAT), 1- Anthony McCarten for The Two Popes (HFA, LV), 1- J.C. Lee and Julius Onah for Luce (SD)

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

FINAL TAKE: This was the forgone conclusion spot, despite some staunch competition. Go see the other nominees and you’ll find some lovely works.

WINNERS:

32- Toy Story 4 (HFA, ATL, SEA, OK, KC, STL, PCC, NC, FCC, NV, Chicago, BO, CO, DC, DFW, DET, GW, HOU, NT, PHI, SE, PGA, CC, DEN, GA, PHX, Online, HC, OFTA, IA, HI, Oscar)

14- I Lost My Body (Cannes, NY, NYO, Boston, SD, CIC, BF, FL, LA, UT, Annie, AUS, EDA, SF, ND)

2- Missing Link (LV, Globe)

2- How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (NBR, IN)

2- Abominable (GSA, AA)2- Klaus (Annie, BAFTA)1- Weathering With You (NM)

OTHERS: 1- The Lion King (SAT), 1- Love, Death, & Robots – Helping Hand (BAS)

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM

FINAL TAKE: An excellent winner with a Chicago connection in its director Matthew A. Cherry.

WINNERS: 1- Hair Love (Oscar)

OTHERS: 1- Uncle Thomas: Accounting for the Days (Annie), 1- Grandad Was a Romantic (BAFTA)

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT

FINAL TAKE: I didn’t know this category well, but I loved the Zack Gottshagen appearance as the presenter. That made my night.

WINNERS:

1- The Neighbor’s Window (Oscar)

OTHERS: 1- The Distance Between Us and the Sky (Cannes), 1- The Devil’s Harmony (London) 1- Anna (BI), 1- The Joke That Isn’t Funny Anymore (BAS)

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

FINAL TAKE: There was no Obama shout-out or red carpet appearance, but the love was there. I’m still going to be pissed for years for omitting Apollo 13.

WINNERS:

34- Apollo 11 (CCD, ATL, NYO, SEA, KC, STL, PCC, LV, CIC, NC, FCC, NV, Chicago, BO, CO, DC, DFW, DET, FL, GW, HOU, NT, PHI, SE, UT, AUS, DUB, EDA, GA, SF, Online, HC, IA, OFTA)

8- Honeyland (NY, Boston, NSFC, Sundance, VAN, DEN, ND, GAL)

6- American Factory (GI, OK, LA, EYE, Spirit, Oscar)

6- For Sama (BI, Cannes, IN, IDA, BAFTA, London)

3- One Child Nation (SD, Sundance, PHX)

OTHERS: 1- Diego Maradona (NM), 1- Varda by Agnes (WC), 1- The Black Godfather (AA), 1- Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (BF), 1- 63 Up (SAT), 1- Amazing Grace (KC), 1- Maiden (NBR), 1- The Cordillera of Dreams (Cannes), 1- Real Kashmir F.C. (BAS)

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

FINAL TAKE: Let this be a lesson to me to always follow the IDA Award winner in my picks.

WINNERS:

3- Learning to Skateboard in a Warzone (if you’re a girl) (IDA, BAFTA, Oscar)

1- Period. End of Sentence. (CCD)

BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE FILM

FINAL TAKE: This was a no-doubter and the minimum of the top prizes Parasite was thought to win tonight.

WINNERS: 46- Parasite (BI, ATL, NBR, NY, SEA, OK, KC, STL, Boston, PCC, SD, LV, Globe, CIC, NC, IN, BF, Chicago, AA, BO, CO, DC, DFW, GW, HOU, NT, PHI, SE, VAN, AUS, CC, DEN, EDA, GA, SF, PHX, Online, HC, Spirit, HI, BAFTA, ND, NM, GAL, OFTA, Oscar)

4- Portrait of a Lady On Fire (NYO, FL, WC, London)1- Pain and Glory (LA)

OTHERS: 1- Truth and Justice (SAT), 1- The Souvenir (Sundance), 1- Monos (Sundance)

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

FINAL TAKE: The GOAT maintains his GOAT status. Speaking of locks, the technical/artistic lock of the night stayed the lock of the night.

WINNERS: 36- Roger Deakins for 1917 (ATL, NBR, NYO, SEA, KC, STL, PCC, LV, CIC, NC, FCC, NV, SAT, BF, Chicago, CO, DC, DFW, FL, HOU, NT, SE, UT, ASC, AUS, CC, EDA, GA, SF, PHX, Online, HC, HI, OFTA, BAFTA, Oscar)

5- Claire Mathon for Portrait of a Lady on Fire (NY, Boston, GW, LA, NSFC)

5- Jarin Blaschke for The Lighthouse (SD, PHI, Spirit, ND, NM)

2- Robert Richardson for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (OK, BO)

OTHERS: 1- Hoyte van Hoytema for Ad Astra (DUB), 1- Adam Arkapow for The Nightingale (ACT), 1- Fejmi Daut and Samir Ljuma for Honeyland (ASC), 1- Mihai Malaimare Jr. for Jojo Rabbit (HFA), 1- Benjamin Kracun for Beats (BI)

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN/ART DIRECTION

FINAL TAKE: I may have been a big fan of the massive work in 1917 and not a huge Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood lover, but I cannot argue with the artistic brilliance on display here. All the neon, the dinge, the sets-within-the-sets, and the period architecture were worth this.

WINNERS:

15- Barbara Ling for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (SEA, STL, LV, NV, Chicago, DC, FL, LA, CC, SF, ND, London, ADG, Oscar, NM)

5- Dennis Gassner for 1917 (SD, GA, PHX, BAFTA, Online)

4- Ha-Jun Lee for Parasite (Online, HI, ADG, OFTA)

OTHERS: 1- Charles Wood for Avengers: Endgame (ADG), 1- David Crank for Knives Out (CIC), 1- Ra Vincent for Jojo Rabbit (HFA), 1- Beth Mickle and Michael Ahern for Motherless Brooklyn (SAT), 1- Fiona Crombie and Alice Felton for The King (ACT), 1- Bob Pauley for Toy Story 4 (ADG), 1- Cristina Casali for The Personal History of David Copperfield (BI)

BEST FILM EDITING

FINAL TAKE: While Ford v Ferrari was the awards season leader going in, the editing work was not the entering favorite. However, this was a superior technical win, which I’ll always respect and enjoy.

WINNERS:

7- Michael McCusker and Andrew Buckland for Ford v Ferrari (HFA, SD, LV, SAT, DC, BAFTA, Oscar)

6- Thelma Schoonmaker for The Irishman (Boston, Chicago, BO, EDA, HP, NM)

4- Lee Smith for 1917 (CIC, CC, PHX, HC)

4- Ronald Bronstein and Benny Safdie for Uncut Gems (SEA, GW, AUS, Spirit)

3- Jimno Yang for Parasite (ACE, Online, OFTA)

2- Fred Raskin for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (STL, HI)

2- Todd Douglas Miller for Apollo 11 (LA, UT)

OTHERS: 1- Louise Ford for The Lighthouse (ND), 1- Tom Eagles for Jojo Rabbit (ACE), 1- Axel Geddes for Toy Story 4 (ACE), 1- Todd Douglas Miller for Apollo 11 (ACE), 1- Bob Ducsay for Knives Out (CO), 1- Peter McNulty and Anthony Maras for Hotel Mumbai (ACT), 1- Chloe Lambourne and Simon McMahon for For Sama (BI)

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

FINAL TAKE: When in doubt, pick the period piece. This stood as the single consolation spot for all things Little Women.

WINNERS:

7- Ruth E. Carter for Dolemite is My Name (SD, LV, CIC, SAT, BF, CC, OFTA)

4- Jacqueline Durran for Little Women (Chicago, BAFTA, OFTA, Oscar)

3- Julian Day for Rocketman (PHX, HC, HI)

OTHERS: 1- Jenny Eagan for Knives Out (CDG), 1- Mayes C. Rubeo for Jojo Rabbit (CDG), 1- Ellen Mirojnick for Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (CDG), 1- Anna Mary Scott Robbins for Downton Abbey (HFA), 1- Jan Petrie for The King (ACT), 1- Suzie Harman and Robert Worley for The Personal History of David Copperfield (BI)

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIR-STYLING

FINAL TAKE: Much like The Darkest Hour, flashy individuals beats volume and that’s perfectly OK. Great to see the wealth spread.

WINNERS:

6- Vivian Baker, Kazu Hiro, and Anne Morgan for Bombshell (CIC, CC, MH, HC, OFTA, Oscar)

2- Nikki Ledermanm, Tania Ribalow, and Sunday Englis for Joker (MH, HI)

OTHERS: 1- Lizzie Yianni-Georgiou, Tapio Salmi, and Barrie Gower for Rocketman (HFA), 1- Jeremy Woodhead for Judy (BI), 1- Zeljka Stanin, Paul Pattison, and Cheryl Williams for Lambs of God (ACT)

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

FINAL TAKE: 1917 entered the night a big favorite, but this was not a spot it was favored, making this a very cool win. I was in the #AnythingButTheIrishman mosh pit of one.

WINNERS:

8- Dan Deleeuw, Matt Aitken, Russell Earl, and Dan Sudick for Avengers: Endgame (STL, LV, NC, NV, CC, PHX, HC, OFTA)

5- Greg Butler, Guillaume Rocheron, and Dominic Touhy for 1917 (CIC, HOU, DEN, BAFTA, Oscar)

4- Allen Maris, Jedediah Smith, Guillaume Rocheron, and Scott R.Fisher for Ad Astra (SEA, SD, Chicago, Online)

3- Joe Letteri and Eric Saindon for Alita: Battle Angel (SAT, FL, HI)

2- Robert Legato, Andrew R. Jones; Adam Valdez, Elliot Newman, and Audrey Ferrara for The Lion King (HP, VES)

2- Pablo Helman for The Irishman (HFA, VES)

OTHERS: 1- Brad Schiff, Travis Knight, Steve Emerson, and Benoit Dubac for Missing Link (VES), 1- Benjamin Fiske, Alex Moaveni, Jesse Erickson, Dimitre Berberov, and Kee Nam Suong for Frozen 2 (Annie), 1- Brendan Seals, Michael Perdew, Andrew Zink, and Adam Gailey for Spider-Man: Far From Home (ACT), 1- Howard Jones for A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon (BI)

BEST SOUND EDITING

FINAL TAKE: Excellent and correct technical win and not a Best Picture sweeper. Well done!

WINNERS:

4- Donald Sylvester, Paul Massey, David Giammarco, and Steven A. Morrow for Ford v Ferrari (HFA, SAT, HI, Oscar)

2- Oliver Tarney and Rachel Tate for 1917 (BAFTA, OFTA)

OTHERS: 1- Tim LeBlanc, Tom Ozanich, Erik Aadahl, Nancy Nugent, and Jason W. Jennings for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (HP), 1- David Bowtle-McMillan, Joakim Sundstrom, and Robert Farr for Beats (BI), 1- Liam Egan for Danger Close: The Battle of Long Tan (ACT)

BEST SOUND MIXING

FINAL TAKE: The technical skill of 1917 is fitting for this position. It was going to be between this and the editing winner Ford v Ferrari. This boosted totals nicely.

WINNERS:

3- Donald Sylvester, Paul Massey, David Giammarco, and Steven A. Morrow for Ford V. Ferrari (HFA, SAT, CAS, HI)

3- Mark Taylor and Stuart Wilson for 1917 (BAFTA, OFTA, Oscar)

OTHERS: 1- Doc Kane, Vince Caro, Michael Semanick, Nathan Nance, David Boucher, and Scott Curtis for Toy Story 4 (CAS), 1- David J. Turner, Tom Myers, David Blanck, and Frank Rinella for Making Waves: The Art of Cinematic Sound (CAS), 1- David Bowtle-McMillan, Joakim Sundstrom, and Robert Farr for Beats (BI)

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

FINAL TAKE: I love this moment of history for Hildur and her speech was fitting and matching of the moment. Joker haters, be damned.

WINNERS:

11- Hildur Gudnadottir for Joker (PCC, LV, Globe, SAT, CC, DEN, HC, HI, ND, BAFTA, Oscar)

8- Thomas Newman for 1917 (ATL, STL, DFW, AUS, GA, PHX, IA, OFTA)

5- Michael Abels for Us (CIC, IN, CO, DC, Online)

4- Daniel Lopatin for Uncut Gems (SEA, OK, BO, FL)

2- Alexandre Desplat for Little Women (Boston, Chicago)

2- Randy Newman for Marriage Story (HFA, GW)

OTHERS: 1- James Newton Howard for A Hidden Life (NM), 1- Emile Nommensen for The Last Black Man in San Francisco (SF), 1- Matt Morton for Apollo 11 (UT), 1- Dan Levy for I Lost My Body (LA), 1- Matthew Margeson for Rocketman (NYO), 1- Alberto Iglesias for Pain and Glory (Cannes), 1- Francois Tetaz for Judy and Punch (ACT), 1- Jack Arnold for Wild Rose (BI)

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

FINAL TAKE: The legend won in the spot where legends win. I would have loved Cynthia Erivo, but who can argue with Elton John.

WINNERS:

6- “Glasgow (No Place Like Home)” from Wild Rose (HOU, CC, DEN, GA, HC, ND)

6- “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again” from Rocketman (Globe, SAT, CC, HI, OFTA, Oscar)

OTHERS: 1- “Swan Song” from Alita: Battle Angel (NM), 1- “I Punched Keanu Reeves” from Always Be My Maybe (CIC), 1- “I Can’t Let You Throw Yourself Away” from Toy Story 4 (IA), 1- “Into the Unknown” from Frozen 2 (PHX), 1- “Letter to My Grandfather” from The Black Godfather (HFA), 1- “Stand Up” from Harriet (LV)

ACRONYM KEY FOR AWARD GROUPS

African-American Film Critics Association (AA), ACE Eddie Awards (ACE), Art Directors Guild Awards (ADG), Annie Awards (Annie), American Society of Cinematographers (ASC), Atlanta Film Critics Circle (ATL), Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts (ACT), Austin Film Critics Association (AUS), British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA), BAFTA Scottland (BAS), Black Film Critics Circle (BF), British Independent Film Awards (BI), Boston Society of Film Critics (Boston), Boston Online Film Critics Association (BO), Cannes Film Festival (Cannes), Cinema Audio Society (CAS), Costume Designers Guild (CDG), Chicago Film Critics Association (Chicago), Chicago Indie Critics (CIC), Broadcast Film Critics Association/Critics Choice Awards (CC), Critics Choice Documentary Awards (CCD), Columbus/Central Ohio Film Critics Associations (CO), Washington D.C. Area Film Critics Association (DC), Dallas-Fort Worth Film Critics Association (DFW), Denver Film Critics Society (DEN), Detroit Film Critics Society (DET), Directors Guild of America (DGA), Dublin Film Critics Circle (DUB), Alliance of Women Film Journalists/EDA Awards (EDA), Cinema Eye Awards (EYE), Online Association of Female Film Critics (FFC), Florida Film Critics Circle (FL), Georgia Film Critics Association (GA), Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association/Dorian Awards (GAL), Gotham Independent Film Awards (GI), Golden Screen Awards (GSA), Greater Western New York Film Critics Association (GW), Hollywood Critics Association (HC), Hawaii Film Critics Society (HI), Hollywood Foreign Press Association/Golden Globes (Globe), Hollywood Film Awards (HFA), Houston Film Critics Society (HOU), Hollywood Professionals Association (HP), Iowa Film Critics Association (IA), International Documentary Association (IDA), Indiana Film Journalist Associations (IN), Kansas City Film Critics Circle (KC), Los Angeles Film Critics Association (LA), London Film Critics Circle (London), Las Vegas Film Critics Association/Sierra Winners (LV), Makeup and Hair-Styling Guild (MH), National Board of Review (NBR), North Carolina Film Critics Association (NC), North Dakota Film Critics Society (ND), National Society of Film Critics (NSFC), New Mexico Film Critics (NM), North Texas Film Critics Association (NT), Nevada Film Critics Society (NV), New York Film Critics Circle (NY), New York Online Film Critics Association (NYO), Online Film and Television Awards (OFTA), Oklahoma Film Critics Circle (OK), Online Film Critics Society (Online), The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences/Academy Awards (Oscar), People’s Choice Awards (PC), Producers Guild of America (PGA), Philadelphia Film Critics Circle (PHI), Phoenix Critic Circle (PCC), Phoenix Film Critics Society (PHX), Screen Actors Guild Awards (SAG), International Press Academy/Satellite Awards (SAT), San Diego Film Critics Society (SD), Southeastern Film Critics Association (SE), Seattle Film Critics Society (SEA), San Francisco Bay Area Film Critics Circle (SF), Independent Spirit Awards (Spirit), St. Louis Film Critics (STL), Sundance Film Festival (Sundance), Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), USC Libraries Scripter Award (USC), Utah Film Critics Association (UT), Vancouver Critics Circle (VAN), Visual Effects Society Awards (VES), Women Film Critics Circle (WC), Writers Guild of America (WGA)

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e1e4n0r5 · 7 years

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You flicked through your phone as you sit on a bench in a park. You’re flicking through your Pinterest account, when a Pin about Sebastian Stan (your future husband, even though you’ve never met him) comes up. It’s apparently a quote from Joe Russo, one of the directors of Captain America movies.

“He’s a sweetheart, if you see him, just scream his name, he will come immediately to you”.

You chuckle to yourself, then glance up briefly when someone jogs past you. You do a double take and your heart races. It’s Sebastian fucking Stan! You don’t know why, maybe you just couldn’t control yourself or you got overexcited or whatever, but you heard yourself scream out,

“Sebastian!”

Suddenly, the heavenly Romanian actor stops dead in his jog and spins around, looking like a puppy with a goofy expression on his face. He glances around, then locks eyes with you.

You flounder. You didn’t think he’d actually turn around! You stutter and stammer as you try to find any words to say. You can’t even smile at him. You just sit there with your mouth hanging open and your phone in your hand. Then, Sebastian does something even worse...

He runs over to you. “Hi!”

But once more, you can’t say a single word. You try to nod, but nothing happens. “Uh......”

“I’m Sebastian, I think you called my name a second ago.” He gives you a goofy grin, bouncing from toe to toe in front of you.

You try to say ‘yes’ but it just comes out as one long whining sound, like an animal that needs to be put down.

But Sebastian just laughs. “You’re pretty cool. Can we take a picture together?”

...He wants to take a picture with you? What the hell...

You can’t answer. Sebastian sees your phone in your hand, and gently takes it from you. He crouches in front of you, kneeling next to the bench, and brings up the camera on your phone.

“Smile!”

You can’t imagine what your face must look like. But he just laughs again and plays with your phone for a few seconds. He slips it back into your hand, then gently swipes his thumb across your cheek.

“See you soon!” And then he’s gone.

You look down at your phone. There, on the screen with a big smiley face and at least a dozen kisses, is his phone number.

#sebastian stan #imagine sebastian stan #phone number #fan #picture #jogging

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years

Text

Taylor Swift Super Fans Are Furious About a Good Review

Taylor Swift's new album, Folklore, was released to universal acclaim from fans, non-fans, and music critics alike. But some parts of Swift's fandom are upset that music critics don't like it enough.

Pitchfork has had a long, hard road towards legitimacy as a music criticism website. I am old enough to remember a time when we clowned on them for being too earnest. Their effusive praise for Radiohead's Kid A is still hard to read without cringing, even 20 years after the fact. Over the years, Pitchfork's reputation has swung the other way, in line with its image as a "hipster" website. Artists like pop musician Halsey have bemoaned getting low scores from the outlet (a 6.5 out of 10, which caused the artist to unknowingly call for One World Trade Center to collapse), and the perception is that their taste is pretentious, generally favoring white, male, guitar-based music over everything else.

Despite all of that, Pitchfork senior editor Jillian Mapes gave Folklore a glowing review. Mapes compares Swift to the likes of Jane Eyre, and says that the album highlights her talent for storytelling in songs.

"You can tell that this is what drives Swift by the way she molds her songs: cramming specific details into curious cadences, bending the lines to her will," Mapes wrote. Even with that praise, Pitchfork and Mapes in particular are now targets of Swift's most ardent stans. You see, she gave the album an 8.0, and fans think that this positive review was not high enough.

Although it's been a few days and the furor has died down, the replies to Pitchfork's tweet about the review are littered with demands that the website either take down the review or re-score it.

"Folklore deserved a 10. Also personally offended by the suggestion she should have 'pruned' seven & hoax. That speaks volumes about the taste of the person writing this review, yikes," one fan wrote.

Not every Taylor Swift fan feels this way, and some stan accounts have tried to call in their fellow fans, saying that harassing a critic is out of line. Unfortunately, the angrier fans have not calmed down, and if you search Mapes' name on Twitter, or if you search "Pitchfork Taylor Swift," you'll still find Swifties tweeting about how unfair her review was. Mapes has confirmed that her address and phone number were doxed and she has been receiving calls from upset fans, as well as death threats on Twitter and via email. Mapes locked her Twitter account right as the review went live and at time of writing has not unlocked it.

For Swifties, part of the issue is that Pitchfork's 8.0 rating lowered Folklore's score on the review aggregator website Metacritic, taking the album from a 90 to an 89. The way that Metacritic calculates their scores is an opaque science. In their FAQ, they say that it's a "weighted average" but don't provide much clarity on what that means and how different scores are weighed. The intense scrutiny of this critical consensus is similar to the fan response towards any criticism of the video game The Last of Us Part II, which saw the game's director and one of its voice actors lay into critics who had issues with the game.

Right now, this subset of Taylor Swift's fandom are acting out the worst behaviors we've come to accept as routine in video game fandom, which also has an unhealthy obsession with Metacritic scores. In their case, video game fans know that sometimes bonuses for developers are tied to Metacritic scores. In 2012, a developer from the acclaimed studio Obsidian revealed that because one of its games did not reach an 85 on Metacritic, the developers who worked on it did not receive royalties. Marketing teams at big game publishers obsess over a game's final Metacritic score. They'll invite people to play big budget games before release and "mock review" them in order to estimate a Metacritic score before release, and make final adjustments in order to increase it.

Taylor Swift's continued success does not rely on a high Metacritic ranking. Swift is already a critically acclaimed, popular artist, and multi-millionaire whose work has dominated the charts every time she releases a new album. She is arguably one of the last standing pop stars in the way we understand the term when it was coined, the last one who can dominate our culture with brand deals and sold out stadium tours in an age where fewer people actually buy music. You don't get to that position on hype alone—Swift is a talented songwriter and singer, and music critics have acknowledged her talent even on albums that don't showcase her best work. Pitchfork gave one of her previous albums a 9.0, writing, "In a counterpoint to the musical wanderlust on display, there’s a newfound patience to Swift’s observations, a knowledge that narratives form out of brokenness and frustrated communication more often than they do out of ease or any emotional clarity." They compare her to Joni Mitchell and Pablo Neruda, describing her work with a deep sense of respect.

The issue with this behavior is less the quality of Taylor's work—which is, again, broadly good—but fans stifling any kind of conversation about art unless it is unbridled praise. We should always condemn harassment and doxing, of course, but even the threat of harassment is enough to make both critics and regular ass people pull their punches instead of being fully honest. One particular criticism of Folklore that fans have taken issue with is Mapes saying that she felt that the songs "hoax" and "seven" were filler. I think "seven" is a great song, but not everyone in the world is going to like every song. Hell, I once went to a party where someone turned off "Ride" by Ciara to put on Arcade Fire, and while I'll never understand that it's not illegal to dislike Ciara.

It's important to remember that fandom is a place of love, a community where people can lift each other up and support each other. It feels good to belong, and tweeting at randoms that Taylor Swift is good, actually, can help melancholy teens find that place of belonging. We also can't pretend that it's only young women who act this way. Toxic sports fans get into physical fights in stadium parking lots over their team, living out fandom rivalries in a violent, dangerous way. It's not hard to understand why people do this, though. Yeah, I do think it was really funny that Dodgers pitcher Joe Kelly said "nice swing, bitch," to an Astros player that he almost hit with a ball. The feeling of allegiance with Kelly, who lost to the Astros twice when they were cheating, is intoxicating. But that's also why it's so dangerous. I mean, Kelly is truly just being an asshole. Why should I cheer that on?

Maybe it's inevitable that fans will get overly invested in their fandoms. The moniker stan comes from Eminem's song "Stan," released in 2000, about his own experiences of being the subject of a toxic fandom. Little has changed in 20 years. That said, we should all be more introspective about what this obsession is serving. All I can see is a stifling of creativity, of placing an artist's popularity and commercial success far above the actual work that they do.

That the focus is on the numerical score of Mapes' review and not her thoughtful writing is the most disheartening. Even though Mapes clearly loved Folklore, the number is the only thing the fans can see. These numerical scores breed such toxicity, and have become such a distraction from constructive and interesting criticism, many critics are stepping away from them. Here at VICE Games, for example, we don't put numerical scores on game reviews. The same is true for Kotaku, where I previously wrote reviews. Polygon stopped using numerical scores in 2018, explaining that "focusing on criticism and curation, will better serve our readers than the serviceable but ultimately limited reviews rubric that, for decades, has functioned as a load-bearing pillar of most game publications."

The value of Swift's work will only truly be known once time has passed, when people feel more free to take it seriously and discover its nuances, to highlight her strengths, and yes, to recognize her weaknesses. Stopping that conversation from happening is all but a guarantee that she will only ever be seen as a teenage craze, a flash in the pan, a pop artist with no value.

Taylor Swift Super Fans Are Furious About a Good Review syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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allspark · 5 years

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It’s time for our weekly Diamond Comics Shipping List! Check out some great titles IDW has in store for us next week like Transformers, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, Spider-Man, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and more! All coming your way for May 15th!

TRANSFORMERS #5

Brian Ruckley (A) Angel Hernandez (A/CVR B) Cachet Whitman (CVR A) Andrew Griffith

A brand new era of Transformers! The investigation into the mystery of Cybertron’s first murder continues! Windblade closes in on answers, Rubble finds a job that suits him, and Bumblebee… well, Bumblebee has a secret that could lead to chaos. A cosmic epic of grand scale, presented by Star Trek/Green Lantern and Injustice 2 artist Angel Hernandez! Plus awesome action by G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero and Revolutionaries artist Ron Joseph!

GI JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO TP VOL 22

Larry Hama (A) Ron Joseph, Brian Shearer (CVR) John Royle, Jagdish Kumar

Advance solicited for May release! In “The Cobra’s Venom,” a dangerously mysterious weapons shipment is en route to Springfield. Can our Real American Heroes-at home and abroad-find a way to stop these evil machinations of Dr. Venom? What is his daring new scheme, and just how far will he go to achieve his goals? Maybe farther than his Cobra allies can stand! A bombastic new chapter in G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero lore from living legend Larry Hama and exciting new artist Ron Joseph! Collects issues #256-260. Picking up where the classic comic series left off, longtime fans can continue following the adventures of their favorite characters from the legendary toyline of the 1980s.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN ULT NEWSPAPER COMICS HC VOL 05 1985-1986

Stan Lee (A) Dan Barry (A/CVR) Floro Dery

The woebegone web-slinger encounters problems that make Dar Harat seem like a sewing circle-if he can escape from their clutches, that is! Daily Bugle writer Jenny Sue Saxton arrives and falls for Peter Parker while trying to become Spider-Man’s biographer, even as Aunt May faces financial ruin in a very modern kind of bank heist. Mary Jane returns just in time to learn an important secret-and to introduce Peter to her Uncle Spencer Watson. Spidey’s reputation is under fire when he’s accused of pushing drugs. And in a story that rivals the classic “drug issues” of Spider-Man’s comic book, Stan Lee addresses one of the most heart-rending problems of modern times: child abuse.

• Advance solicited for February release!! • Continuing the first-ever chronological collection of the Spider-Man newspaper comics!

MARVEL ACTION SPIDER-MAN #4

Erik Burnham (A/CVR A) Christopher Jones

An all-new storyline begins here! Now that Peter, Miles, and Gwen have joined forces, nothing can stop them! Except maybe for homework and an internship at the Daily Bugle. Not to mention a new villain in their midst… All-new web-slinging action in the Mighty Marvel Manner!

SUPERMAN THE GOLDEN AGE NEWSPAPER DAILIES HC 1947-1949

Alvin Schwartz (A) Wayne Boring (CVR) Peter Poplaski

The Man of Steel’s newspaper comic strips are among the rarest of all Superman collectibles. In these 15 storylines, Superman faces off against the “Crime Mentalist” who can predict crimes before they happen; finds himself locked up for speeding in “Superman, Jailbird;” plays cupid to help a millionaire Prince Charming find the mysterious “Miss Whisper;” and is at the mercy of his old foe Enthor’s paralyzing weapon! Other stories in this third addition to the series include “Lois’s Secret Identity” and “The Super Elixir.”

• Advance solicited for May release!! • Featuring never-before-reprinted strips!

TANGLED THE SERIES HAIR & NOW #2

Katie Cook (A) Eduard Petrovich, Rosa La Barbera, Monica Catalano (CVR) Disney

Rapunzel, Eugene, Cassandra, and Lance find themselves going undercover in “Under the Big Top!” When they encounter a circus while in Vardaros, something doesn’t seem quite right, so it’s up to Rapunzel and her friends to investigate and hopefully save the day!

TMNT COLOR CLASSICS TP VOL 02

Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird, Dave Sim (A) Michael Dooney, Jim Lawson, Kevin Eastman, Gerhard (A/CVR) Peter Laird

Advance solicited for April release! Beginning with the Cerebus one-issue crossover with Dave Sim, follow the original adventures of Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo. Contains the stories “The Passing,” “Silent Partner,” “True Stories,” and more! This volume is perfect for fans to relive the glorious days of the Turtles’ origins as well as an excellent place for new readers to see where the TMNT phenomenon began. Collected are issues #8-13 and the Donatello Micro-Series and Leonard Micro-Series one-shots. The original TMNT series from Mirage Studios, collected in order and in color for the first time!

TMNT SHREDDER IN HELL #3

Mateus Santolouco (A/CVR A) Mateus Santolouco (CVR B) Kevin Eastman

The Shredder’s long road through the depths of hell reaches a fever pitch as he is forced to face echoes of his own soul! With lives on the line, who will survive the raging inferno? Fan-favorite artist Mateus Santolouco returns to the world of TMNT! The most infamous villain in the TMNT universe gets his own mini-series!

TMNT SHREDDER IN HELL #3

Mateus Santolouco (A/CVR A) Mateus Santolouco (CVR B) Kevin Eastman

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