#thinking about how childhood neglect can result in not knowing how to do things for comfort

[isbuckybarnesokay]

Steve never turns the heater on in his car when he's alone. This is something Eddie picks up on fairly quickly, as summer turns to autumn, as the air cools down. The mornings are icy, now. There's a bite to each and every breath that you can suck in almost like smoke, and it's pleasant for all of two seconds before it chills you to the bone.

The first time he notices it, there's so much noise in the car that Eddie doesn't get a chance to say anything - Dustin is chattering on to Mike about god-knows-what. Instead, he just watches from the passenger seat as Steve clocks Will's chattering teeth in the rearview mirror and immediately reaches forward to crank up the dial.

The second time, it's just Steve and Eddie, and they're driving back from dropping Eddie's van off at the mechanics. Steve meets him outside the shop at a crisp 7am, and it's fucking freezing, honestly. Eddie slides into the passenger seat and winces at the way his breaths come out in a cloud. "Shit, dude," he groans, "aren't you cold?" Steve shrugs, focused on driving. "A bit, I guess. Help yourself." He waves at the AC settings carelessly. How the fuck are you not freezing your balls off? Eddie wonders, but he doesn't voice the thought aloud, though he very much wants to. There's something here, he thinks. There's something I'm not getting.

The third time it happens, Eddie doesn't even need to get in the car to know Steve didn't switch the heating on. He knows this because when Steve saunters into the new trailer, a 6-pack in hand, his lips are almost blue. He's wearing a too-thin jacket, undone over a plain shirt. Eddie frowns. "Jesus Christ, Steve," he murmurs, immediately rushing through to his room to grab a sweater. He throws it at Steve when he gets back out to the main room, chewing at the inside of his cheek. "What's this for?" "Because you're fucking freezing, man. Are you kidding me? You're turning to ice right in front of me, look at you." And it's so wrong that Steve looks so confused. It's so wrong. Because he's so clearly cold as hell. It looks painful, damn it, the way his hands are shaking, the way he can't quite move his fingers properly when he goes to pop the cap off of his beer. I am going to take care of you until you figure out how to take care of yourself, Eddie thinks, fierce and determined. And he does.

When Steve leaves that night, after the movie, Eddie makes him keep the black knit sweater on, makes him take it with him. "You look cute," he grins, aiming for playful, aiming for the misdirect. He likes the way it makes Steve blush, anyway. It's a win-win. Eddie follows close behind Steve down the steps of the trailer, catching the driver's door with a quick hand before it can slam closed. He waits for Steve to start the car before getting to work. "What're you-" Steve begins, falling silent as Eddie leans over him and switches the heating on. "You," he mutters, pulling back, tapping a finger on Steve's forehead. "You keep that on until you get home, you hear me, big boy?" Steve looks bewildered, but nods anyway.

Eddie starts bringing an extra jacket or sweater with him everywhere, after that, and it comes in handy more times than he'd like. He wishes it wasn't the only way to get Steve into his clothes. He buys Steve a hot water bottle with a cover that's the same yellow as that sweater that he loves so much. Eddie gets into the habit of calling Steve each night, and before he hangs up, he tells Steve to fill it up. Tells Steve to use it. He checks Steve's bed one day, pulls back the duvet a bit, and can't help but beam when he sees the hot water bottle tucked there. When he presses a hand to it, it's still warm.

One day, nearing Christmas, now, Eddie slides into the passenger seat of Steve's car, and the heater is already on, car toasty and warm. His cheeks dimple when he sees that Steve is already wearing Eddie's own black knit sweater; His smile only widens further as Steve comments, "Fucking freezing today, man. When did it get so cold?" Eddie just chokes out a laugh and throws the spare jacket he'd brought with him onto the back seat. He has to turn his head to look out the window so Steve can't see the proud tears in his eyes.

#thinking about how childhood neglect can result in not knowing how to do things for comfort #how you can adjust solely to just surviving #thinking about eddie noticing this in steve and feeling protective about it but also not wanting to overstep boundaries with his new friend #by friend i mean crush #steddie #headcanon #steve harrington #eddie munson #isbuckybarnesokay

[steddilly]

Imagine kid Steve Harrington having his hair washed by his mom before she started travelling with Mr Harrington, I bet the Fabergé Organics shampoo and conditioner were hers and Steve still bought it as he got older to feel closer to her, even though his mom had made her choice by the time he could take care of himself. The Farrah Fawcett spray was definitely Mrs Harrington’s that a young Steve tried one day and liked what it did to his hair. 

#I made myself sad #steve harrington #poor steve #steve harrington just wants to be loved #faberge organics #farrah fawcett spray #steve harrington's hair care routine #thinking about how childhood neglect can result in not knowing how to do things for comfort #ouch for that one #fuck steve's parents

[toxi-works-at-culvers]

timeline of michael my good friend michael :3

thoughts under the cut

michael had a pretty decent childhood - his parents both loved him, even if his dad was a bit distant, he always made at least a little bit of time to play or hang out with him. once his siblings came along, though, he was pushed aside, ignored in favor of his younger brother and sister. naturally he has an angsty teen phase, but a lot of it is born from how he feels neglected and distant from his own family. he starts acting out, getting into trouble at school, behaving poorly even at home because it's the only way to get william's attention. unfortunately this ends up making a feedback loop: michael feels neglected -> acts out as a result of that -> william neglects him More because michael isn't fitting his mold of perfection

naturally, things get a lot worse after the bite of 83. william would never hurt his children but he does just straight up start giving michael the cold shoulder. and he'll yell at him. michael, of course, feels horrible soul-crushing guilt about what happened and it certainly doesn't help. his parents divorce, his sister dies, his social life is probably ruined after the bite, and he feels like he has no one left in his life to turn to. so he bottles everything up. slowly, over time, the spark in him fades and he becomes more quietly resentful and unhappy.

when william calls him asking him to go find his sister, he's more than happy to oblige - its the only way he feels like he can make anything right, the one good thing that he could do to maybe win back his father's favour. as you know this doesn't go as planned and he gets his insides scooped out <3

thoughts on the design: i wanted to visually show his progression from a happy, normal kid, to a rebellious teen, to an adult with crippling depression, and then a shambling ourple corpse <3 so as he ages his colors get more desaturated. i think it helps with showing where he's at mentally in his life. he looks a lot like william and thats on purpose, fnaf 2 + SL and what not. 'they thought i was you'. notably though michael is Not a pasty white boy he's half mexican. in my mind. you might've noticed i didnt mention fnaf 2 in the image which is because uhhhmmmm. im still restructuring my timeline so im not sure what to do with it. also i like the idea of frightguard(is that what we're calling it?) henry so thats why 3 has a question mark after it

#request done :3 #my art #digital art #artists on tumblr #artwork #drawing #illustration #artistsupport #fnaf #five nights at freddys #fnaf fanart #michael afton #fnaf michael afton #micheal afton #sister location #fnaf headcanons #toxi fnaf lore #fnaf design #five nights at freddy's

[gradientsys]

thinking about how important rose asking roxy if she liked wizards was, and how important her answer was. by roxy saying she actually does love wizards it kinda forces rose to recontextualise every action mom took with the new lens that she actually DID like wizards and it wasn't nearly the passive aggressive gesture rose thought. it's 100% clear that interests were transferred between each kid's alpha and beta counterpart, that much is obvious, so with rose now knowing that roxy actually did like wizards, its possible for her and us to assume that for the most part, everything mom lalonde did was out of genuine care for rose, but saddled with the pressure of the end of the world and a susceptibility to alcoholism, she just had no idea how to show it, and still wanted to give rose what she saw as a normal, feminine childhood (one that she never had if u want to get transgender.) and shit like this makes me LOVE homestuck to DEATH because you can glean and interpret literally so much about rose, roxy, and mom lalonde from these lines

and sure rose does explicitly say that it puts a lot of things into perspective about roxy and mom but the same thing applies here. rose says that its her fault pretty lightly, but there's so much more to it. rose has gone from holding so much bitter contempt for her mother to idolising roxy (and obviously mom posthumously) as her perfect mother who little rose just couldn't understand. this journey of blaming herself started with her drinking on the meteor and meeting roxy is the next milestone in it. it's just the perfect encapsulation of roses own loathing, either she projects her hatred onto her surroundings, or inward. she projects her hatred for being caged and her need to be seen by blowing up sburb gates and aggressively rejecting sburbs quests. she then projects it outward against kanaya and jade in small amounts, and then onto jack resulting in her death. (obviously there was other motivations for how rose acted with kanaya and jack - a crush and jack murdering her mother - but rose chronically needs to be seen and needs attention, which she got from kanaya meddling into her problems like a concerned mother would #mommyissues and jack killing mom was a highly extreme tipping point in her turn towards the horrorterrors.) the same pattern happens with mom. rose sees mom as a passive aggressive hag who simply didn't understand rose and sought to make her life difficult, but now she's a loving mother who rose just couldn't appreciate as a child. both of her viewpoints are based around something that a singular party couldn't do, rather than a more holistic approach. again she projects outwards and then inwards, and it's so important how she does this. and there is some truth to her view of mom post-meeting roxy! we can interpret that mom lalonde was a kind hearted, well intentioned mother who really loved rose and played roses games to feel closer to her daughter, but she was 100% an unfit mother, and rose is unable to accept the nuanced outlook - mom lalonde was by all means a caring person who really did love rose and care about her interests, but rose was still absolutely neglected/abused by mom lalonde. and personally, i think it is SO important that rose thinks this. the fact that the characters in homestuck are kids is obviously imperative, and I think roses evolution in thinking about her mother is such a raw microcosm in a child not being able to accept that they genuinely were abused, even with evidence to the contrary. it's also a testament to just how thematically rich and rife with content to analyse homestuck is, and just how amazingly subtle it can be. hussie absolutely glosses over serious subjects like this in a kind of slapdash way sometimes, roses alcoholism is a pretty big example, but forgetting the author entirely, it's an incredibly compelling way to show a scared, traumatised child trying desperately to understand her upbringing and her parent. i think rose would still be pretty stubborn about it into earth c days, but I feel like she would definitely accept it in time. she'd probably have a similar arc to jade honestly, because she too has so much to accept in regards to her childhood being Bad, Actually. dave would also provide insight on this and living with kanaya, the person she projected her desperate, gnawing need for motherly care on when she was 13, would definitely give her an environment and perspective to reconcile with her having a bad childhood. with a decent support network and Actually facing her internal hatred and biases, probably kicking and screaming because that's just how rose is, rose would be able to accept that mom lalonde neglected her

#god i fucking love homestuck! i love analysing stuff #homestuck #meta #rose lalonde #roxy lalonde #mom lalonde

[astroyongie]

Why Am I This Way - Psychology Answers

Note: hey guys! This will be a little series post mainly based on psychology. In order for me to congratulate myself for finally achieving my masters in clinical psychology I have decided to create these mini posts that will contain different questions that we often ask ourselves. In these questions I will provide psychological answers in which they will hopefully bring you a sense of understanding on yourself! Enjoy!

Note 2: This first Why Am I This Way will be based on the “How Am I” Section. Other sessions will include “Why do I behave this way?”, “How Others see me”, “What's Happening” and “How can I get better?”

This section will have the following parts: “I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”; “I love to be alone.. am I weird?”; “Why do I procrastinate so much’”; “ Am I really a good person?”; “ I was just joking!”, “Why does it always happen to me?”, “Why do I hate working so much?” and “Should I be more egocentric?” 

With that said, let's dive into it! 

“How Am I” Section

“I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”

What happens in the unconscious brain: 

Based on Freud’s work, these type of questions that overwhelm us are usually thoughts linked with pent up guilt that is unconsciously working its way out

One thing is clear. Often, we don't realize the things that we think and we don't always understand our actions and our behaviors. When we stop to reflect on it, we are usually stuck in a sense of guilt for doing things that are against our values and morals and yet we cannot understand why we have done things that way. 

Based on the most known theories of Freud, the ID and the superego (based on ID, EGO and SUPEREGO Theory) are actually the ones that are behind these guilty feelings of  “should i do this or not, even if i know that i will regret it later”. 

ID is the mind that is first formed when we are born. It is something rigid on our unconscious, something that is based on the principle of pleasure. The ID is constantly seeking gratification and pleasure in order to smooth our anguish within one self.

The superEgo is different, it is the last thing that is formatted in the unconscious (after the Ego) and it works on the principle of the world’s rules. Basically it is a part of us that comprehends the world around us and it tries to follow the rules and the interdictions that were instructed when we were younger. 

Now this is why many of us struggles with this. Having craving desires about something, and that guilty feeling coming from the Superego because we have internalized that what we want is wrong. 

Someone that has had a harsh childhood, who has been neglected or has seen their rules being too strict will often struggle with this, because they need to have their ID smoothed but they cannot bear the guilt. 

This is what happens: ID wants to be fed with something comforting. Chocolate! so it stays in your head “let's have chocolate!” and the superego will whiplash right after “are you crazy? Having chocolate? you cant even fit in your pants and you want chocolate! you should be ashamed of yourself!”

This is basically how overthinking your worth will work, how one often develops Eating disorders for example or bad relationships with food, but this also happens with social relationships, addictions and any reward system. 

The fear of the outside world usually unleashed that overwhelming anxiety that will after turn into guilt if you give in to your ID or it turns into restrictive punishment if you follow the Superego. 

Many of us will put so much effort into controlling impulsive destructive thoughts  and behaviors in order to muffle the critics of Superego but that often results in depression, anxiety and an affinity with other psychological problems. 

So what can we do?

understand where those desires come from. If your ID is making you crave something, either food, social contact, a new dress, a new drink or anything that it is, ask yourself where this feeling comes from? Are you bored? are you sad? are you upset? Are you overly excited? understanding that process and allowing yourself not to be psychorigid is already a big improvement. find balance between rewarding yourself and being true to your rules. Also stop punishing yourself, You have done nothing wrong. You deserve to be happy and smoothed the same way you deserve to go beyond your addictions

Understand in which you fall. If you are the type to crave in in your desires it means these possibilities: Early trauma ou neglect, environmental stressors, maladaptive coping mechanism,, substance abuse, personality disorders, lack of emotional regulation skills and cultural and social influences 

If you fall in the fragil superego, if you are too strict with yourself, it means these possibilities: weak parental influence, traumatic experience, overly harsh and permissive parenting, lack of role model, cultural influence, early childhood experiences like rejection and personality disorders. 

For those who have balance between giving in desires and restraining, then congrats! You are a rather healthy being

Now that you know this, you have a start on where to work to become a better version of yourself 

#psychology #psychology facts #psychology notes #psychanalyse #self help

[tomatoland]

Top's wounded inner child and TopMew's (play)dates

Top has a wounded inner child. He may look like a grown man on the outside, but inside, he is stuck here.

Top's reaction to freeze or go silent when emotions are high is very likely due to his fire trauma. When Mew yells at him, I thought Top very much looked like a child being yelled at by a parent. The way he avoids eye contact and bows his head. He feels indignation when Mew asks him if he and Boston planned this together, but he's unable to verbalize anything.

I wonder if his parents blamed him for the fire because it is very much reading as someone in Top's life expressed disappointment or blamed him at a critical time. Twice, Mew has asked Top for a reason why he slept with Boston and he can't say and again when Cheum asks, he can't say.

As I'm all about pattern recognition, the show is setting us up for this to be a conversation TopMew are going to have btw.

Top does take responsibility for his actions though. I initially thought that this was a positive sign of maturity, but it can also be a sign that Top had to take on too much responsibility at too young of an age. He does what he's expected to do, which is apologize, but he can't offer any further explanation.

What we know of Top's childhood is that he was neglected by his parents because they are always too busy working or socializing and he was alone when the fire happened. The responsibility of a household is so much to take on when you're so young and to deal with a crisis alone, no child should EVER have to do that. Parents are supposed to be there to protect their children, give them space to just be a kid and Top didn't have that.

Now, I want to talk about how TopMew's dates are actually helping Top heal his inner child.

TopMew's dates are all about introducing Mew to new experiences for TopMew both to experience together, but notice how they are all very playful.

They eat ice cream together, they go to the bookstore and share different parts of books with each other, they go bike riding, they even have sleepovers where nothing sexual happens, they play laser tag, hide-and-seek, dance like nobody's watching, sing out loud badly, drink neon green apple sodas together, and Mew keeps Top company while he sketches (draws).

Top's inner child holds all these heavy emotions from the fire incident, probably to the point that he can't remember good times he had as a child because he has spent an exorbitant amount of time here, fixating on that one moment. The result of which is years of insomnia, dependence on sleeping pills, a crippling fear of dying alone, and a fear of sleep.

I don't think Top & Mew did this consciously, but isn't it just absolutely perfect that is what their playdates (because that's what they are, aren't they?) are doing, giving Top a chance for him to connect to his inner child in a more lighthearted way than he usually does and just play.

“Three things strike me about inner child work: the speed with which people change when they do this work; the depth of that change, and the power and creativity that result when wounds from the past are healed.”

This space to reconnect to his inner child is what is helping Top move past the self-sabotaging behaviors and unhealthy coping mechanisms from before. Past Top would have called up Beam, Past Top would've fallen for Boston's manipulation. Before Mew, Top had a string of short-term relationships and now, he's thinking beyond three months.

The change in Top isn't because of Mew because even without Mew's presence, Top doesn't succumb to his old behaviors. This indicates that the change that may have started because of Mew, is now in Top. Being with Mew is what gave Top the opportunity to reconnect with and work on healing his inner child that now he wants to move past the things that were holding him in place.

This does bring up a really important fact though, change that is contingent on another person is not stable. Change must start with the individual if there is any chance for long-term sustainability. Maybe I'll be wrong and Top will self-destruct in the next episode, but he hasn't yet. He's still trying.

good article if you’re interested & cr for quote

#ofts #only friends the series #topmew #top tanin #mew witsarut #ofts top #ofts mew #forcebook #force jiratchapong #book kasidet

[donnerpartyofone]

I saw this post a few weeks ago that was like a chart from a psychology text that described how different sorts of childhood trauma can produce different dysfunctions, one of which was (I *think*) Emotional Neglect -> Magical Thinking. I was so intrigued by that. Magical thinking is sort of an umbrella term for the belief in a causal relationship between two unrelated factors; it can include wishing on a birthday cake candle; the feeling that The Universe is telling you to call your ex because something reminded you of them; OCD-type rituals that you believe will ward off misfortune; the deeper meanings mis-assigned to mundane events that can be produced by schizo-affective disorders; and also religious convictions to some degree, although those are rarely considered a clinical problem as with anything that helps or doesn't seem to hurt the participants. There seem to be as many potential causes of magical thinking as there are forms of the thought pattern itself, and trauma is an interesting one.

It might be better to think of "trauma" as "helplessness" here. Magical thinking can help impose a feeling of organization where there is chaos and loss of any sense of significance. There was a lot of magical thinking going around in the gritty, depressed town where I'm from, and I often thought it was because of the persistent economic pressure. It's relatively normal for kids to be susceptible to spooky ideas, but many of the adults were also full of ghost stories and superstitions. I have one very sensible friend who is smarter than I am, who grew up there too, and we often reflect on this, which helps me know that this isn't strictly an idea I have due to my own social choices. My friend doesn't live in that town anymore either, but she's always digging up interesting stuff related to it, and one day she showed me the website of someone there offering his services as a paranormal investigator. He was in his 20s, and the site included a lot of unconvincing photos and a long, vigorous testimonial by the guy's mom. Part of me was dying to put it on tumblr, but it would only have resulted in unnecessary cruelty. I was as much a victim of magical thinking as anybody, and I think even when I was pretty young I was aware of what motivated me to be so naive and gullible: that a world full of ghosts and vampires and UFOs and such was preferable to what I normally experienced, which was a consistent sense of boredom and meaninglessness and drudgery and embarrassment and pain and suffocation in an ugly, flavorless universe whose nicer side was not going to be available to me. I had a lot of really damaging friendships with manipulative assholes and pathological liars because I was so very willing to believe the crazy things they told me, just in case any of them were true, because such a truth could change my whole life.

Sometimes I think it's amazing that I never wound up in a cult, although I guess those relationships were sort of like little one- or two-person cults. Once in a while I read about some crime involving young people who think they're vampires or something, and I have a deep feeling of pity, because I think I know what they were going through (except for the part where they think they can do whatever they want to other people). The sad story of Shanda Sharer involves a whole group of badly abused and underprivileged teens, some of whom thought they were witches or vampires, and it just makes so much sense to me that they would be overtaken by these fantasies of secret meaning and power. Recently I watched Bad Vegan on Netflix, something that I avoided at first because I thought it was just about rich douchebags humiliating each other--which is like, what else is new--and to some degree it is, but actually it's way more disturbing than that. Ambitious young raw food entrepreneur Sarma Melngailis was manipulated, isolated, and ultimately kidnapped by this sadistic freak who preyed first on her loneliness and financial fears by pretending to be a rich suitor who could solve all of her problems; then he preyed upon her feelings of personal insignificance and failure by convincing her that he and she had been selected by a cabal of extraterrestrial illuminati who would make them immortal. Sarma seemed completely broken down to me, and I was amazed by her courage in describing the scam she fell for, that she must have known would invite derision. Part of the documentary explores her youth as a kid who always believed she could become something special, and then mundane tragedies like her parents' divorce brought her back down to earth in a painful way, and it seemed like she spent the rest of her life haunted by the idea that she might just be an ordinary failure of a person. I think that's part of what made her so vulnerable to this psychopath, that he was able to access her secret dream of having a special destiny. I got one of my friends to watch the show and she was very frustrated by it because she just couldn't figure out what Sarma's problem was that would cause her to ever believe the things she was told. I tried to reiterate what I've said here, but it didn't seem to mean anything. Ironically this friend is a practicing witch with formal beliefs in the supernatural, including that people can awaken special powers within themselves, but I guess one man's magical thinking is just um not another man's magical thinking.

I still have a lot of magical thinking going, but it doesn't have the same character it once did. I tend to think of it more as "symbolic thinking"; I have a hard time accessing senses of meaning and hope, let alone any kind of self-belief, and sometimes symbolic gestures and concepts can provide that access better than my own direct, practical attempts ever could. It helps that I have a basic agnosticism about the invisible structures of the world, like it's easy for me to believe that there is more to life than what comes in through the five senses, even if I don't pretend to know entirely what that "more" is. That may help me believe that "anything is possible" and I shouldn't give up, even if I direly want to and I know I'm being kind of irrational. Magical thinking can be a double-edged sword, but maybe it's better than nothing.

[moowithmidnight]

Hey do you have any random cashmere hcs (can be anything in particular?)

Random anon, this is the best question anyone’s ever asked me :,) 

Keep in mind this is a pretty new hyperfixation so I haven’t had a TON of time to fully flesh these out!

CW: light mentions of canon-typical sex-trafficking

Cashmere Headcanons:

Cashmere was extremely overconfident and cocky after Gloss’s win, and would constantly talk to anyone who would listen about how proud she was of her brother. Everyone at the Academy was sick and tired of her by the time she volunteered, and she just couldn’t care less.

She fell very hard for the propaganda, and fully believed in the glory of the Games before she became a Victor. As a result, she was very one-track minded about her goals: win the Games, bring honor to District 1, love the life of a Victor. I think when that illusion was shattered for her she took it extremely personally, and sort of internalized that lesson.

She was 16 when she volunteered for the Games. Originally she intended on waiting until 18, but after Gloss’s win, she wanted to volunteer as soon as she could. She didn’t understand why he tried to vaguely discourage it, and took it as a lack of faith in her abilities.

She sort of took Finnick under her wing until he became something closer to a friend, and as a result, he is the Victor she is the closest to. They both have a lot in common, and he knows a lot more about her than anyone else (excluding Gloss).

She’s bisexual. There’s quite literally no canon reason for me to believe that other than it feels right. Bisexual vibes are there.

She’s very intelligent. It’s a semi-popular headcanon that she’s a sort of bimbo, but I find that characterization extremely insulting. She rebels against the Capitol the same way the other 75th Tributes do, and I would argue she plays a majorly under-appreciated role in Catching Fire. District 2 is extremely loyal to the Capitol, even more then 1; Brutus and Enobaria weren’t going to try to stop the Games. If she hadn’t started fake crying to garner the audience’s sympathy from the jump, they would have taken the rest of the attempts a lot less seriously.

Despite not believing most of the propaganda District 1 and the Capitol sold her, she still holds a certain level of disdain for the outer districts.

Her and Johanna butt heads a lot because of their shared proximity to Finnick and blatant dislike of each other. Cashmere views her win as a cheap tactic (although admires her manipulation skills) and dislikes how loud and directly defiant she is.

She and Gloss had an extremely close relationship throughout their childhoods, and anything he did, she wanted to do too. They always relied on each other and their parents were fairly neglectful, so Gloss ended up caring for her a lot of the time. However, that relationship became extremely rocky after Gloss won his games, then her, and then Snow started selling them. By the 3rd Quarter Quell, their relationship wasn’t the same level of closeness as before, but it was decently repaired, and they felt they could rely on each other again.

She has a cat. A really prim and proper Siamese cat, with a completely opposite playful personality that she hadn’t originally accounted for. The cat was one of the first things she bought with her Victor money, and she refused to give it away when Gloss offered her a calmer one.

Even amongst District 1 citizens, she is an extremely convincing actress and liar. She knows how to manipulate the Capitol in just the right way to get what she wants, and it causes a level of distrust between her and many of the other non-District 1 Victors.

These are just a few of them! Thank you again for the ask 🫶

#thg #the hunger games #hunger games #cashmere hcs #cashmere #cashmere thg #tbosas #midnightasks #finnick odair #gloss thg #gloss #headcanon

[stargazer-sims]

random story-related rambllings...

Is it weird that I actually feel bad for Cody? I mean, yes he's an idiot, but he also thinks he's in a relationship.

Also, it just occurred to me that at this point in the timeline, Cody is the same age as Belle and Junior and the other members of The Six Pack (22). They would've all been in the same class in high school, and at least some of them would've known Cody fairly well. Imagine Belle Blanchet lecturing Cody about how he's delusional and should probably run as fast and as far as he can.

Meanwhile, Leo and Ellie have reached the conclusion that there's nothing more they can do with Nora. They have their own problems that they've neglected while trying to sort Nora out, and now Leo blames Nora for the wreckage of their marriage (even if the only person he'd feel safe confiding that to is Victor). Leo is at the point of taking their son Elliot (14) and moving out.

Tangentially, this situation puts Victor in a difficult position because Leo and Ellie are his former best friends since childhood and he doesn't want to be forced to take sides. He finds that he's distancing himself from both of them, and that breaks his heart because they all used to be so close. Plus, he was the one who encouraged Leo to confess his feelings for Ellie in the first place, so he's grappling with some nebulous feelings of guilt.

... and Ellie inadvertently twists the proverbial knife when she tells him, "There is no team. That was just a lie we told ourselves when we were young and dumb and idealistic. Or if there is a team, it's not us any more. It's you, Yuri, Takahiro and Fox."

Victor is quietly inconsolable, which obviously worries Yuri, particularly because it seems there's nothing he can do to fix it. The best advice actually comes from Fox, who knows a thing or two about dysfunctional families, having been the product of one. He reminds him that the most important people in his life are Yuri and Caroline, and his priority should be their safety and happiness. Fox also reminds him that it's okay to step away from people who are trying to make their problems his problems, especially if it's having a significant negative impact on his and his family's mental well-being.

Victor takes the advice seriously, since Fox and Takahiro seem to have marriage and family life mostly figured out. Trying to distance himself from Ellie has... not so great results, though.

Ellie tries to involve Julian, who says in the gentlest way possible that he's staying out of it. Grace backs him up, as one would expect. Ellie is mad because she thinks they're actually taking Victor's side, but from Julian and Grace's perspective there are no "sides". Grace essentially tells her to grow up and sort it out herself because "your father and I are too old for this petty nonsense, Eleanor, and quite frankly so are you."

Leo's parents, Stephen and Millie, are more sympathetic toward Leo, but Stephen also says he's not getting involved in Leo and Ellie's marital troubles nor in whatever is going on between them and Victor. Millie, who long ago had a troubled teenage life of her own, says she'll try to talk to Nora about her behaviour. Leo is not optimistic.

In the midst of all this, Elliot is on his own personal spy mission to find out all his sister Nora's secrets. He tries to enlist his favourite cousin Caroline, who is very tempted, but a level-headed Forest talks her out of it. She's grateful in the end that he talked some sense into her.

#randomly #sapphire notes #writing #not really spoilers but kinda

[foulfirerebel]

ATLA and RWBY thought

This is admittedly a cluster of a thought I'm having. Tai Yang Xiao Long, and Willow Schnee share the same sort of flaw with Iroh and Ursa from Avatar The Last Airbender: They're good people, but either neglected or otherwise had problems with one or more of their children owing to their own problems that were going on.

No, I don't think either of them were horrible people. Just had problems as parents/uncles. Admittedly going through the abuse they went through (Willow and Ursa), or the haze of depression (Tai and Iroh) do a lot to people and can result in far worse but the problems are apparent in their kids/charges.

The entire Schnee family were screwed over by Jacques, to be sure. I'm not going to argue against that. But Willow driving herself into drinking didn't exactly do anything good for Winter, Whitley, or Weiss. At least in her case, Willow aided Weiss in ousting Jacques and was constantly helping her children and the heroes in V8.

Tai is a complicated story. I know I have mutuals that think he's a shit person, shit father, etc. But I personally see someone that is trying, at the very least, to attempt to make up for neglecting his kids during a very trying time. It's not good when your first wife leaves you shortly after your first kid is born and your second ups and leaves in the middle of the night to a secret mission and is presumed dead. He helped Yang get back on her feet, which worked out in the end. Not exactly the greatest father in the world, but in my frank opinion I'll take him over Raven Branwen.

So, we have two parents that are trying to help their kids in the current time period of RWBY after having neglected them at the least during their childhoods out of depression, grief, and alcohol addiction.

What about Iroh and Ursa?

Given how Zuko turned out, and me being a Zuko stan? I don't think I need to go too in depth on my favorite Fire Nation Prince. Just that a lot of his problems stem from his father's influence in his life and his mother leaving him as a child, though he had Iroh there it was a long journey from where he started to where he ended up.

A friend of mine once explained her pitying Azula, whereas I just saw a monster that needed to be stopped, like this: Zuko had two buffers against Ozai and they were Ursa at first and then Iroh later on. Azula had no one and was twisted faster and harder than Zuko was.

I don't hate Azula anymore, though I did when I watched the show back when it was airing. Given time, discussion, and reflection, I can see that Azula was very much a victim of Ozai's shite...with no one to aid her, really. It doesn't excuse the stuff she did or tried to do in the show or the comics, but it does put that breakdown into a sadder context.

Basically, the point that Iroh and Ursua didn't try as hard as they could have with Azula makes sense to me. It doesn't mean they're bad people, just have favoritism in their hearts and didn't try hard enough.

This isn't a critique, more just my opinions on things. I just think all four of these people fit into the flawed parent trope a lot better than making them straight up abusive. It shows what depression, abuse, etc. can do to a person and the extremes they're willing to go.

TLDR: Iroh, Ursa, Tai, and Willow all messed up regarding their kids. But at least they decided to try in the end, and I applaud them for that.

#Atla #rwby #uncle iroh #lady ursa #ursa #avatar the last airbender #tai yang xiao long #Willow schnee

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Hi! Happy lukewarm Tudum day, I hope you're having an okay one :) all things considered... If you're taking asks right now I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've been reading again about attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious, and I think another I'm forgetting right now) and it got me wondering about ST characters and how they might fit in these categories. I remember kaypeace21 mentioning attachment style in an old post (the one about parentification) but it wasn't a focus. Any thoughts? Thanks either way! ^_^

I haven't really been keeping up with Asks, to be honest. The past school year was very rough, as I keep getting additional responsibilities as I'm there longer (without decent pay, of course). Now that it's summer, though, I suppose I have no more excuses. I think I knew I'd never be able to just walk away from this community.

So, attachment styles. This is a difficult thing to really get into since we know very little about most characters' early childhoods. Attachment styles are rooted in the attachments developed with caregivers in infancy, though they develop from there. That is to say, someone who forms an insecure attachment in infancy isn't doomed to treat all social relationships that way forever. These initial bonds do often tend to influence later bonds, though.

This is going to be a long one, so the rest of the post is under the break.

The attachment styles you mentioned go back to the work of Ainsworth in the late 70s. She devised the Strange Situation observational experiment, which involved an infant child being introduced, separated, and reunited with a caregiver and an unfamiliar adult. Attachment styles are determined based on how the child reacts to these situations, demonstrating how much security they derive from their caregiver. What constitutes a caregiver can vary based on culture and individual circumstances, so it need not be a parent/guardian.

The four attachment styles based on this theory are as follows:

Secure Attachment: To the child, the caregiver is a secure base from which they feel safe to explore unfamiliar situations. The child is upset when the caregiver leaves, but the bond isn't damaged, and the child is fine when the caregiver returns. This is the result of a healthy bond between caregiver and child. Funny story, in grad school my classmates and I got a look as to what this might look like in dogs when my professor brought his dog to class. The dog enjoyed coming up to all of us as long as my professor was there, but he left the room for a minute to fetch something, closing the door behind him. His dog stopped sniffing around all of us and immediately went towards the closed door. My professor walked in a moment later, and the dog's tail was rapidly wagging. I'm not aware of any research into whether this theory holds for dogs or other animals, but it was an interesting thing to watch given that we just learned about attachment styles.

Insecure Avoidant Attachment: The child avoids the caregiver, interacting little with them, and not being upset (or even noticing) their departure. The child may avoid eye contact when the caregiver returns. The bond, if it was ever there, is not re-established on return. This is generally the result of a caregiver not being emotionally available to the child. It's can be, but is not necessarily the result of abuse or neglect, as an emotionally reserved caregiver can unintentionally withhold affection. These children often come to see attempts at bonding as being met with hostile or dismissive reactions. A child like this could grow up to see self-sufficiency as the only way to go, as they don't expect emotional reciprocity, and will avoid getting too close to people, favoring more casual relationships.

Insecure Anxious-Ambivalent (originally Insecure Resistant): The child becomes very distressed upon separation, clinging to the caregiver, usually while crying. However, upon return of the caregiver, the child resists reattachment, sometimes to the point of kicking and yelling. This can be the result of inconsistency in the caregiver-child relationship, resulting in the child being confused as to how to navigate it. The child essentially never knows when anything will be ok, resulting in great distress whenever a situation is unfamiliar. A child with this attachment style may be afraid of abandonment, and could continue carrying that fear with them as they grow up if the situation continues that way. They may feel unworthy of love and need regular reassurance.

Insecure Disorganized: The child appears confused and/or afraid. The child shows some aspects of both avoidant and resistant styles, but there's a marked difference in intensity. The child may actively fear their caregiver, and it can be a sign of an abusive caregiver and/or childhood trauma. As a result, there's a real lack of any clear pattern of behavior relating to the child's relationship with caregivers. Survival could be a matter of reacting to individual situations without any real underlying schema having been formed. A child with this type wants love, but has no idea how to get it.

I dare say that most of the cast probably has a Secure Attachment style based on their behavior in the show. There are some exceptions, however. I will not be trying to classify El, as her, ahem, unique socialization complicates matters.

Mike Wheeler: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he has an Anxious-Ambivalent style. He can be very emotionally reactive and sullen, and he does seem to have a fear of loved ones leaving him. This could potentially be the result of Ted's lack of emotional reciprocity. Karen was likely a very loving mother during Mike's infancy, but Ted being closed-off could have resulted in a lot of confusion for Mike. Mike gets clingy, suspicious, and jealous with loved ones when he suspects things aren't going well. This comes from his fear that he's not good enough for their love, and, as a result, he's deeply touched by Will's reassurance in the van, likely owing to his low self-esteem.

Will Byers: He's a tough one. He doesn't seek out relationships, which suggests Avoidant, but he has one loving parent and one asshole (later absent) parent, which suggests Anxious-Ambivalent. At best, Lonnie was emotionally distant, if not outright abusive. However, we know Will has great bonds with Joyce and Jonathan. I suppose it could be argued that there is still a lack of consistency, as a result of Joyce having to work a lot and Jonathan being a kid himself, but we don't know enough about how that worked in Will's early childhood. He does lack the emotional reactivity that goes with Anxious, though. I'm going to lean towards Avoidant, though, as Will does seem reluctant to get too close to anyone. His first friendship was with Mike, and Mike made the first move there. We don't know how he met Lucas and Dustin, but I can't see him taking the initiative based on what we know about him. He also befriended both Max and El because his friends did. He seemingly made no friends in Lenora, and, unlike El, he didn't seem to care much. His focus seems to be more on not losing his current relationships, particularly Mike.

Jonathan Byers: Insecure-Avoidant. He's very similar to Will, only he's had to serve as the caregiver for Will, which might complicate things. I'd say he's definitely Avoidant, though. He has no real drive to form relationships. His relationship with Nancy developed only because he spent a couple very traumatic weeks with her where they pretty much had to bond to survive. He did genuinely like her, but he likely never would have attempted to get into a relationship with her under normal circumstances. Now that he's in it, he's terrified. He's in too deep, and he has no idea how to handle that. He's afraid it's going to turn out like his parents' relationship. He's friends with Argyle, but it seems to be a largely casual friendship (up until recently, anyway). Argyle being an outcast stoner is probably what made him an appealing friend for Jonathan, as he doesn't have to worry about emotional closeness.

Steve Harrington: Insecure-Avoidant. We know he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, who never seem to be around. He's confident and easy-going, likely the result of having to learn to fend for himself emotionally. He's had several shallow relationships, both platonic and romantic, owing to his fear of getting too close to someone. We only see him get close to three people: Nancy, Dustin, and Robin. All three of those relationships we can see Steve get antsy about being too close. He fears that Dustin is choosing Eddie over him. He was devastated by Nancy saying their love was "bullshit." And he's almost afraid as he confesses to Robin that he developed feelings for her. When he pushes through his fear, he's able to really click with people, but it always requires a real feat of courage from him.

Ok, I can't do anymore than that, I don't think. There's others who would be interesting to look at in regards to attachment, but, like El, have too many complicating factors. Hopper has had trauma in his past with Vietnam, his daughter dying, and his marriage collapsing. We don't know how he was growing up. Max has dealt with divorced parents and an abusive stepbrother, so it's hard to determine what might be the result of attachment style and what might be the result of her own traumas.

I do enjoy your thought-provoking Asks, though. I've missed doing these types of psych analyses, which is a bit ironic considering it's largely what I based the blog on when I originally created it.

#stranger things #attachment styles #mike wheeler #will byers #steve harrington #byler #jonathan byers

[lagomoz]

Haruka and Yuno parallels

We know adjacent prisoners are meant to have parallels, but I’ve found a lot more with the recent MVs I wanted to ramble about.

Child VS Mother

This one’s pretty obvious and blatant. Haruka has so many mommy issues and is in the role of the child, depending on his mother and latching onto anyone who can fulfill that role. Yuno, on the other hand, was a prospective mother.

Embracing the role VS Rejecting the role

Haruka wants to be seen as childish and weak so he can be cared for. When other people say bad things about him, such as Es or his mother, he agrees and accepts it, thinking of himself as a helpless good-for-nothing. In Weakness, he repeats that he’s become a victim. He wants to be pitied.

Yuno rejects becoming a mother with her abortion along with how others view her. When other people say good things about her, like that she’s done nothing wrong or is naïve and pure, she rejects this idea and tells them off. Yuno thinks of herself as someone who doesn’t need others to tell her who or what to be. In Tear Drop, she denies that she was ever a victim. She hates the idea of being pitied.

See me as a child VS See me as an adult

Haruka clings to his youth, possibly already being 18 but saying he’s 17 and just “doesn’t keep track” (or has been neglected to the point he genuinely doesn’t know), and seems to fear and resist anything that might take him out of childhood.

Yuno jumps headfirst into sex work, a rather adult thing, and is strongly independent. She refuses to be treated like a little girl or have her agency denied, seeing herself as a complete adult. Notably, Yuno is only a year older than Haruka, if that.

I crave validation VS I couldn’t care less

The result of our/Es’ vote is very important to Haruka, to the point a huge portion of his self-worth hangs on that approval. Without it, he crumbles, to the point of when Es points out this is one vote out of three, he lashes out to an extreme, violent degree at even the possibility of his validation being taken away. Haruka is completely dependent on what others think of him, their attention, praise and approval.

Yuno doesn’t give a single shit. She feels mostly apathy towards Milgram as a whole, expressing annoyance and frustration at other people judging what she did. She doesn’t even care about the result, more so the possibility of people infantilizing her. Yuno says in her most recent voice drama that she’s overall unconcerned with morals and that people should be more easygoing and not stress. What others think about her is irrelevant. 

Crushing remorse VS No remorse

While this point might seem a bit muddied by Haruka’s recent I did nothing wrong turn, I still think I have a point here. In Weakness, Haruka is consumed by guilt, grief, regret and remorse. The thought that he did something unforgivable is eating him alive. This only changes once the audience (accidentally, at least in my case...) affirms that he was in the right and he begins clinging to the idea that he was right to protect himself from the remorse. When Es questions as to whether he did something wrong or not, he continues violently and explosively lashing out.

Yuno doesn’t feel much of anything about her abortion, or anything she did. The past is in the past and it doesn’t matter now. She says she admits she thinks abortion is murder, but that she still doesn’t care. It’s irrelevant as to whether she did something morally wrong.

I think this is best shown in their interview questions, when asked “Is there something you regret?” Haruka answers “There is.” while Yuno answers “ Even if you do, it's what it is, right?”

Unhappy past VS Happy past

Haruka...has not had a healthy life. His mother is clearly highly abusive and neglectful, and nobody gave him anything a child needs to survive let alone thrive to the point it escalated all the way to murder.

Yuno on the other hand is perfectly happy with her life. She affirms that her family life is fine and she hasn’t been through any particular hardships. There’s no tragic past to explain why she is this way.

Both of their fathers are out of the picture, but Haruka seems to have taken this a lot harder, saying he’s a disappointment to his father, while Yuno brushes it off in stride. Haruka might remember his father, while Yuno says she doesn’t have any memory of hers.

His blue necklace VS Her blue necklace

In both of his MVs, Haruka wears a necklace with a blue gem. It’s implied this is his mother’s necklace he stole to try and get her attention/be closer to her.

In Tear Drop, Yuno also wears a necklace with a blue gem.

His bunny plush VS Her bunny plush

In Weakness, Haruka has a stuffed rabbit.

In Umbilical and Tear Drop, Yuno also has a stuffed rabbit - multiple, in fact, the yellow-ish one also seen in an Umbilical and the white one she takes the glasses off of. Yuno said the most expensive thing she’s ever bought was a stuffed animal, so maybe that’s connected somehow?

Anyways those are just some of the parallels, I’m sure there’s even more, man do I love me some cinematic parallels

#milgram #meta #theory #kashiki yuno #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #sakurai haruka #I haven't seen anyone else point out the necklace thing before

[levmada]

one reason i think levi has ultimately chosen for his love language to be acts of service - apart from the point where he may struggle with words/verbally conveying feelings - is because throughout his (early) life he hasn't necessarily deemed anyone's 'word' to be kept, for instance when, just before they died, isabel and furlan told levi to trust them and that they can handle going on the expedition themselves. idk if this interpretation makes sense, but what're your thoughts, gee?

Either way it alll goes back to childhood (as is the case for everyone). I don't think it has anything to do with someone's word being kept tho.

It's easy to assume there were no other children in the brothel where Levi spent the first 6-8 years of his life, and others—especially who was in charge of the place—were hostile to him having been born there and thought he was just another mouth to feed, besides the fact that he was a bastard and a son of a prostitute (which... Paradis' society definitely has classism so i feel this would also result in discrimination).

So in the first place, Levi's only socialization was with Kuchel. He would not know how to navigate being social because he simply was never taught, and probably treated horribly otherwise, which would influence how awkward he is, his distrust of others and otherwise defensive behavior, and his inability to express his feelings. Considering how soon Levi lost Kuchel, and then lived with Kenny, I think he'd have trouble identifying his feelings to some extent too.

Levi was taught to survive and "raised" based on physical pain, if his dialogue in the courtroom scene means anything, and his general way of responding when he's upset is thru physical means such as after his argument with Erwin.

All that being said, he fails to express himself verbally. Again since losing Kuchel so young and how there's no chance in hell Kenny showed him the affection the growing child needs, Levi would be uncomfortable with physical touch because of this emotional neglect, and that's besides the fact the Underground was a dangerous place so any "physical touch" so to speak was almost always hostile.

Therefore physical touch and words of affirmation are what he has the most trouble with. I'll put the others aside (because I feel he's more neutral on gift giving and quality time) and skip to the acts of service conclusion: Doing things for others to express affection says more about how he feels than anything he could express verbally, not to mention his encompassing fear of being vulnerable. In order to be useful to Kenny and get his attention, Levi fought (or in a broader sense "acted"), so it'd make sense he's most comfortable expressing feelings he's unfamiliar with like affection or comfort with action too. Lastly, Levi is very concerned with being useful, as he felt responsible for Izzy+Furlan's lives and later down the line... everyone's. His superhuman strength gives him a sense of responsibility... and the lengths he goes to to not lose anyone else after losing both his mother and "father" figure early on.

So. Acts of service<3

| levi masterlist | main masterlist |

#levi ackerman fluff #aot headcanons #levi ackerman x you #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi hcs

[saezurufeels]

I am very interested in seeing how their dynamic will change after this kiss and if they have sex next chapter. It is so interesting to read it from the beginning since both Y and D have changed. I know some people get frustrated with how slow things can go but I like the angst and emotional conflict lol. I am a bit worried about D being cold after this point since I think that would hurt Y a bit but he also initiated the kiss so maybe he is also ready to open up emotionally again. Idk, there are so many paths that can be taken.

I agree with you, I think the angst and emotional conflict are central to the story! The emotional conflict is The Point. Critiquing the story's pacing (aka, "Yashiro isn't doing enough, he should just confess") and coming up with unlikely hypotheticals (aka, "what if Yashiro 'goes back' to being dishonest") doesn't help anyone understand the themes or the characters any better, it only serves to diminish everything that has actually happened. Like you said, Yashiro and Doumeki have changed, so I wonder why Yashiro is still on trial for his past behaviour, superimposed on present day events? If we take everything into consideration, Yashiro's past behaviour makes complete sense, cause we know exactly what demons he was battling. And if we take everything into consideration, Yashiro's present day behaviour still makes complete sense: Doumeki is acting cold, and Y has a fear of rejection.

The only way I can explain this whole line of reasoning ("Yashiro Bad") is that when a character is perplexing they seem more intimidating, and when a character is intimidating and confusing, we tend to villainize them more. In the same vein, infantilizing Doumeki and framing him as Yashiro's helpless test subject, who lacks any and all autonomy, helps vilify Yashiro even more. Doumeki is not at Yashiro's mercy. Doumeki is an adult with the freedom of choice. In fact, not all of D's choices post-timeskip have even helped bring about a neat, fairytale conclusion. Conveniently, that's often left out of the discussion about the plot. Doumeki's actions, as well as Yashiro's actions have been messy and complicated, making this emotional conflict come to a peak in chapter 51. That's how the author intended it. Again, if we focus on what Yashiro has done "wrong" 4 years ago, then we miss the whole Point of the story.

The point is to understand how rejection (and abuse) impact people. Yashiro's rejection (childhood neglect) made him develop negative coping mechanisms and low self-worth, which made it impossible for him to accept Doumeki's love. Doumeki's rejection has resulted in him putting up walls and concealing his emotions (similar, if not exactly like Yashiro btw). Knowing that, we're suppose to empathize with Doumeki AND Yashiro. We're suppose to understand why they act how they act. And although trauma doesn't justify abuse, I would hardly consider Yashiro rejecting a potential romantic partner to be abuse. Abuse is the opposite of letting someone go.

Going back to your ask, I totally agree, I would love to see Doumeki open up and be vulnerable with Yashiro. You're right, the story could go in many directions. I'm pretty optimistic now, given that they've both shown some very revealing emotions, even before the kiss. Yashiro didn't beat up Doumeki just for the sake of beating him up. Doumeki didn't forcefully drag Yashiro away from Kido for nothing. They did those things because they care about each other. I think it's going to be hard for them to go back to pretending nothing happened. It seems that Saezuru is attempting to show how two people can find their way back to each other despite their individual struggles. Thanks so much for the ask!

#asks and replies #yashiro #doumeki

[seriouslysam8]

Sometimes I think we forget the shit Harry went through. The way you explained it in this chapter just made me want to give Harry the biggest hug ever. His childhood was bad like Sirius, but in a way worse because he never really got a break at school, and despite all of it he’s such a great guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, loves to the fullest, and protects the people he loves with every fibre of his body. I don’t get why he has so many haters, how can people hate Harry Potter? I think a lot of people hated him because of what happened to Sirius. I get it, it was a huge mistake but if he was told about Voldemort being able to possess his mind and the prophecy then he wouldn’t have fallen for that trap. And as much as we loved Sirius can you imagine how devastating it was for Harry to lose the only person outside of the Weasley’s that cared for him? That gave him hope of having a family of his own. This was the main reason he broke up with Ginny in HBP. The fear that Voldemort would find out he loves her and then plant a false vision that would cause him to drop everything to save her but result in it actually hurting her or worse killing her.

This got me thinking in Brumous of Harry finds out Voldemort is still lurking in his mind without his knowledge and that’s how they found out Cepheus… this kid is going to be devastated. I think he would try to pull away from everyone and ask them not to tell him anything. Does Voldemort lurk in his mind when he’s with Ginny? I feel like he wouldn’t be able to because when he’s with Ginny he feels so loved and so much love for her that it would mentally hurt Voldemort to lurk in his mind like in OTP when Harry was willing to die so he could be with his loved ones.

I’m going to put on my completely amateur psychology hat for a few moments.

I don’t think people want Harry to be a kid. I don’t think they want him to act his age. I don’t think they enjoy characterizations where Harry acts like a teenager. It’s not just Harry I’ve seen this treatment of. I saw it in Legerdemain with Lily. People hated that she acted her age and wanted her to be more mature. I’ve seen it in Ron bashing because he had some jealousy issues AS A KID.

Here’s the thing. The human brain doesn’t stop developing until around age 25. So these characters aren’t adults. They don’t know everything. And they’re going to do/say stupid ass things. They’re going to act before they think. They’re going to think they know everything but they really don’t.

Even in Brumous, I’ve gotten reviews complaining about how Harry is annoying, too whiny, too clingy. But he’s also a severely neglected and abused kid who has an adult who cares about him for the first time ever. Of course, he’s clingy. Of course, he’s whiny because he wants to know what’s going on and make sure his only family is all right. Of course, he’s up Sirius’ ass because Sirius nearly drank himself to death while battling depression.

You can see the shift in Harry from OOTP to HBP. In OOTP, he was reckless with running his mouth and jumping into danger. In HBP, he tried to let the adults take the lead. He TOLD Remus about Malfoy in hopes that he’d do something. But like every other adult in his life (minus Sirius), he was told off. He was dismissed. Sirius was the only adult who ever worked out problems with Harry, who talked to Harry like he knew a little what he was talking about, and just listened to the kid.

Sirius isn’t a patient man. Sirius can be moody and grumpy and downright vicious. But with Harry, he’s like a saint with how patient he was! He let Harry ramble on for who knows how long in GOF while he’s in a fireplace of a house he broke into! He just let Harry talk and vent and didn’t even interrupt the kid. He was there for Harry no matter what. He had the patience with Harry to listen to him. Because Sirius knows what it’s like not to have someone listen to him. He knows what it’s like to have everyone dismiss him and paint him as a villain. Sirius can emphasize with the kid in a way no one else can - from his shitty childhood, to being hated for no fucking reason, to having people around him talk down to him as an adult.

On top of that, Sirius tried very hard not to be reckless. He did not leave Grimmauld Place for Order missions or joy rides. He stayed put to show Harry it’s all right to stay put and stay out of trouble. Because Sirius knows Harry. He knows the trouble he attracts. He was trying to emulate the behavior he wanted to see. But he left at the first hint of Harry in trouble because that kid can’t stay out of trouble to save his life.

In HBP, yeah, you see Harry breaking up with Ginny because he can’t bear the thought of her ending up dead like Sirius. He’s trying to learn from his mistakes and not make them again.

In Brumous, Sirius knows he can’t tell Harry how they found Cepheus, he can’t tell Harry about the Horcrux in his head, he can’t include Harry in conversations on where to go from here. He knows Harry. He knows how good Harry is and how big of a heart that kid has. He knows Harry would pack a bag and run from Hogwarts in an attempt to save the people he cares about. Sirius is constantly trying to set healthy boundaries between him and Harry. It’s so tricky because of Harry’s past abuse. Sirius is often cracking those boundaries to make sure Harry knows he’s loved and wanted.

But I think you’re right as well. A lot of people forget about Harry’s abuse. A lot of people like to downplay his abuse.

In the MIT series, I always had Harry not be a fully well-adjusted adult. He’s a helicopter parent. He was downright anxious. He hates cutesy nicknames because he was never called anything even remotely affectionate. He freaks out over dying and leaving his kids without a dad to the point where he becomes addicted to a potion. He purposely gets his son arrested because he views Albus as safer in prison than out in the open. He’s constantly taking charge and doing what he thinks is best because he’s done it since he was a fucking kid. I always say, even in MIT, I think he was too well-adjusted of an adult for everything he went through.

I cannot stand when Harry is this well-adjusted adult in stories who gives pet names and is overly happy. That guy suffered from the moment his parents died to the time he died. Those wounds from the mental and emotional abuse he suffered lasted his entire life. You can’t convince me that there wasn’t x-amount times he did something stupid and then thought this is it, Ginny is going to divorce me. To only be shocked when Ginny assured him that she’s not going anywhere and she does, in fact, love him despite how stupid he can be. No matter how many times his loved ones tell him, there’s always that small seed of doubt in his mind. Because how could anyone love him when his own family couldn’t love him when he was just a small toddler?

But I think I went off on a tangent. 😂😂😂

I don’t understand how anyone can hate Harry. I don’t understand how anyone can look at that cabbage and not want to hug him while he awkwardly pats your back and wishing you’d stop. He is such an amazing character and I love him.

[brighteyes-things]

Batboys as childhood tramma tropes

Warnings: mention of tramma, childhood tramma

A/N: it's a long one, there will be a explanation of the tramma trope for each of the boy followed by examples they have showed or think they will show,

Dick Grayson (the hero)💙💙💙 💙

It refers to that child who assumes the role of the adult, taking over responsibilities beyond their age. This is common in dysfunctional families, in those environments where parents are absent or neglect their children.

Thus results in realities in which their childhood is lost, their identity is distorted, and they always strive to be saviors for everyone except themselves

As dick dealing with dead parents and in his words "big bad bat isn't the best father" along with other little robins to take care of he took on the hero role

He's a perfectionist, he wants to prove himself as Nightwing and prove that he's better than Bruce Wayne as batman

Even from a young age he was expected to not make mistakes , which adds to the tramma of being scared to mess up

He is expected to be the perfect robin because he's the first robin he's supposed to set the example

When he's Nightwing he's less nervous but still scared of being in Bruce's shadow and being like him instead of his own image of a hero

Even when he moves out of Gotham he's still stuck in his own head in trying to be perfect for his brothers

He doesn't want to be perfect but feels like he's forced to be such

If he's not perfect he feels worthless

In his opinion he has to be perfect even when slacking off he doesn't know how to relax

He doesn't know how to function if he messes up

Jason Todd (the scapegoat)❤️❤️❤️❤️

Being deprived of a family’s love, singled out as the “bad one” and having one’s positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.

The scapegoat is often the one needing the most love but never given such due to they're rebellious nature or not living up to the golden child standard

Jason is sometimes (not always) labelled as batman's greatest failure and that has to sting a bit when he hears it

Not to mention him and Bruce don't have the greatest relationship and his mom selling him to joker certainly didn't help any

It might explain why Jason is more stand off-ish and a "lone wolf" due to not wanting to be labeled as a screw up

Like fear of letting someone in and then finding out he's not perfect

Nobody's perfect but in jasons eyes he's far from it

He probably has very little self esteem and confidence but he hides it with the brooding attitude

Being red hood is like a outlet for him, he's able to be a flawed anti hero and help Gotham because of his flaws

He just needs time to be his true self again

He also needs hugs and be told he's perfect just how he is

Maybe the outlaws will tell him such

TIM Drake (the lost child) 💛💛💛💛

The “lost child” is the family member who retreats from family dysfunction due to feeling overwhelmed. They can spend a lot of time alone, pursue singular interests, and/or struggle to establish or maintain relationships with others.

might appear as if they do not care about their family, but they do. They simply cannot tolerate the emotional turmoil that comes with interacting with their family.

They avoid conflict at all costs, as they tend to shut down or check out when things feel difficult. Some lost children might feel that they are a burden to their family, so they stay away in order to avoid causing the family additional stress.

Tim is known as the "smart robin" and he is but he doesn't have the best experience as robin even if he chose to be such

Tim uses work as a distraction from family conflict, it's something he knows and doesn't require much effort from his part

While he does try his best to make friends he gets overwhelmed easily because he's not sure what he's supposed to do

If you're his S/O he just needs time to properly come around and get out of his shell

He's not really shy just spaced out most of the time

He's the most distant from everyone else but will occasionally talk to Damian or dick on how to express himself

He just needs patience

He gets sensory overload easily

He needs to be around understanding people like his brothers and his team of friends

Overall he just needs time to adjust and understand emotions

Damian Wayne (wild card) 💚💚💚💚

The wild child only craves love, attention, and validation. However, since they don’t have any of these nutrients, they react, and they do so with violence. They’re impulsive, defiant personalities, and they use problems to get attention.

Their defiant behavior feeds back the dynamics of punishment and contempt on the part of parents. This makes the mark of trauma much greater, of suffering that’s built up with sadness, loneliness, and even hatred

Damian when he lived with his mother only had trainers not friends or family he was expected to complete everything perfectly

Heck he climbed a mountain at age 4 with a sprained wrist and finished because it was expected of him

HIS OWN MOTHER DOESN'T HELP

She LITERALLY had clones of him waiting in the wings in case he screwed up and needed to be replaced

Not to say he isn't loved by his parents but it's not the type of love he needs or needed when he was little

He's violent and everyone finds him annoying but it's not like he knows how to properly express his emotions

It's why he trains, (from personal experience) training let's him get out all those unsaid emotions without the need to feel embrassed

He's constantly fighting to be noticed and live up to the robin mantle

He's a kid he's learning how to control himself and his emotions, he just needs time to figure himself out

#tim and damian #damian wayne al ghul #mental health #nightwing #dick grayson #red hood #jason todd #tim drake #batboys #headcanon #batman #talia al ghul #bruce wayne