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crystaljins · 3 years

Text

Endless

Characters: Yoongi x Reader

Word count: 7.4K

Synopsis: You aren’t the chosen one. You’re not gifted with any special powers, or secret abilities. You’re just a plucky orphan who decided you’d come along for the ride.

Bringing down an empire is no biggie, right?

Yoongi x reader

Notes: I actually really don’t like this fic, in all honesty. It’s definitely one of my weaker ones, but since I put a lot of effort into writing it, I thought I’d post it anyway! I’m having a real big writer’s block and everything I write just feels.... jilted and inauthentic. IDK. I feel like I’ve lost my ability to tap into what a character feels T.T ANYWAY even if I don’t like it, maybe you will! So please try and enjoy

This is written for @thebtswritersclub March prompt, “Adventure”!

Warnings: Poss some fantasy type violence? Sparring, Yoongi is a little mean sometimes but he has RESPONSIBILITIES! Lots of conversations from very not-socially-distanced positions. Mentions of wars and evil empire

Genre: Fantasy, angst-with-a-happy-ish-ending

It’s easy to see that Yoongi is angry. From the heavy thud of his boots against the firmly packed dirt to the furious hunch of his shoulders, everything about him screams that he is livid. Even the way his travelling cloak flutters about his form is ominous, like the dark roil of storm clouds on a distant horizon.

You follow closely behind, meek and sufficiently scolded. He’s been like this for the better part of the afternoon, ever since you left the previous town behind.

“Um,” you pipe up, hoping to power through the stormy silence that hangs over you. You’re rewarded with a lethal glare- no one does cold fury quite like Min Yoongi.

Hanging your head, you sigh, continuing following at a dutiful three paces behind the furious man. You find yourself missing Jungkook, sure that he would have the ability to overcome this kind of tension, were he here. Or even Jiyeon, as much as you dislike her- perhaps the “chosen one” wouldn’t trigger such ire in her fated mentor. Really, any sort of third companion would do, if not to pacify Yoongi, then at least to keep you company. Long silences aren’t really your thing, after all.

You square your shoulders, straightening. At the next town, Jin and Hoseok await your arrival, and then you will have at least two more companions to chat to when Yoongi enters one of his “moods”.

Not that his “moods” happen very often. For a man who is almost infamously gruff and who seems to permanently have a scowl etched upon his face, his actual personality is fairly calm and unbothered. Years of journeying across the realm of Adlentur have resulted in an attitude where there is very little that can truly throw him off.

Apparently, you possess that unique ability, for the calm mask he often adorns is nowhere to be seen. Even when you’d followed him out of your hometown and demanded to accompany him a lick of ability, magical or not, to warrant your accompaniment, he hadn’t batted an eye. He had merely squinted thoughtfully at you while Seokjin and Hoseok insisted that you would merely be deadweight, before turning around and announcing that if you couldn’t keep up, you’d be left behind.

He’s doing his best to leave you behind now; you’re struggling to keep up with his rapid pace. It’s so speedy that you feel a twinge in your freshly-healed ankle. With a wince, you stumble a few steps, and the ground comes rapidly rising up to meet your face. Before it can make contact, however, a stabilising hand encircles your elbow and you’re yanked upright.

Yoongi stares at you, a delicate but angry flush creeping across the high points of his cheek bones and down his neck.

“Thanks.” You offer sheepishly, before gingerly setting your weight upon your foot once more. The healers had warned you that the fractures were severe enough that even with the extensive healing you’d likely still be a bit tender for the next few days.

“Does it hurt?” He demands, and you wince. You straighten and shake your head.

“It’s just a bit weaker than normal.” You rush to assure him. These are the first words he’s said to you since you woke up in the clinic of the village you’d been staying in. Since then, he’s sort of just stormed around in a furious silence.

The incident that had set him off had been an attack on said village. Of late, the sporadic surges of nightmarish beasts that left few survivors and decimated village populations were becoming more frequent, and this particular village was no exception. This village was lucky in that it had a protector; Yoongi is gifted with special abilities and highly trained in combat. You have no idea where he got the abilities from and why he is so skilled, but it saved your life when he first came to your village, and it didn’t take him long to begin saving lives in this village.

But Yoongi is only human (you assume), and the beasts were numerous and powerful. People can slip under the radar in times of chaos and he hadn’t noticed the small child in the path of danger.

You had, though. You had seen the oncoming danger but unlike Yoongi, you are not trained in combat. You aren’t gifted with special abilities. You’re just an orphan who witnessed what he could do. You’re nothing special.

But you couldn’t just leave the child to die.

According to the healers that Yoongi had carried your broken, bloody body to, you had gotten off easy. A broken ankle, a shredded arm and deep lacerations across your body. The healers had been skilled and Yoongi had supplied them with some of his own magic to give them the ability to heal your wounds- within just twelve hours the only remnants of your scuffle with the monster was a slightly weakened ankle and some ugly scars from some of the deeper wounds that even the healing magic couldn’t overcome.

Despite his foul mood, Yoongi’s hands are gentle as he guides you to sit on a nearby rock. He crouches before you and reaches for your ankle- his hands are warm as his thumb slides against the ball of your ankle. He’s so careful as he rotates your ankle upwards, testing the range of motion. Even in his anger, he treats you like you’re made of glass.

He hadn’t treated you like this when you first started out. He’d just kind of begrudgingly tolerated all your quirks, watched as you bulldozed your way into his little travelling party. But then, as time went on, he’d become more tentative. More careful. He’d tell you to hide when an attack came on the village so you didn’t get in the way. You’d meet a new person and his arm would come up in front of you, like he’s shielding you from a threat. It’s almost subconscious. But it’s annoying.

“It’s fine.” You say, tugging your ankle away from his grasp as sitting straighter on the rock. You feel like a haughty child when he raises weary eyes to glare at you.

“It was shattered yesterday.” He reminds you. “If we’d been in any other village, you’d probably be out of commission for months. And I would’ve left you behind because we have to save-“

He cuts off abruptly but you can fill in the blanks of what he’d say.

An ugly thought overcomes you; what if I were her? It’s poisonous and burns in your chest. Jealousy is an ugly emotion but you’ve been familiar with it a long time. Ever since Yoongi and his crew arrived at your village in search of the long-awaited “chosen one”. It’s probably a dream every orphan harbours; that they are special and unique and wanted, and the murmurs that followed Yoongi’s arrival had probably triggered a similar feeling of longing across the many orphans that take up residence in your village.

Alas, that chosen one is not you; you remember your parents very clearly. Warm, kind, loving. They succumbed to the plague that had left the orphanage you grew up in overflowing. In such a full and overwhelmed establishment, it is easy to sneak in an extra child. And that’s what Jiyeon had been. Always on the outskirts, a little special and unique. She could never quite fit in with the other kids and for some reason you’d always resented that. Not only that; the way she never even seemed to try. She possessed some unique spark, some unfathomable dignity. Alone, dirty-cheeked, unwanted even in an orphanage, and yet there was always something special in her. And it never left her even as the two of you grew up and took your leave from the orphanage.

It hadn’t taken Yoongi long to find her- apparently Seokjin had some sort of specialised divination powers and he’d known who she was the instant he’d laid eyes upon her. Agnes, the local breadmaker, had taken her on as an apprentice and you’d even been in the store when they entered, seeking her out. There’d been something mysterious and terribly exciting about them- it had felt like the opening scenes of those adventure novels Jungkook would read out to the other kids in the orphanage.

And you’d witnessed the disaster that had followed- the attack on the village, your home, by those merciless monsters, the death of people you’d known, and Jiyeon’s ensuing kidnap. Someone apparently didn’t want Jiyeon taking up the mantle of her destiny.

You’re not sure why you insisted you come along on the journey to save her- you never liked Jiyeon. You didn’t know Yoongi or Seokjin or Hoseok. And your closest friend was adamant that he’d stay behind to assist in the rebuilding effort of your village.

Maybe it was something ugly; a desire for it to have been you instead. The one with special, hidden powers and an endless exciting adventure before you. As Yoongi looks up at you, you could believe that maybe that was your motivation. Maybe you wanted to be the one he was looking for.

“I would have caught up.” You finally say, instead of sharing any of those ugly thoughts. “If you’d left me, I’d have hunted you down and followed.”

Yoongi gets abruptly to his feet, and you nearly tumble off the rock in surprise.

“You’re a fool!” He cries. Your eyes widen, but he’s lost to a tirade. Alabaster skin has flushed a furious crimson and the dark points of his eyes have hardened- they glint at you like unyielding steel. “Don’t you understand what we’re doing here? We have to rescue the chosen one or the world as we know it is over. We’re on a time limit! This isn’t some fun whacky adventure with friends- peoples’ lives are at stake! And you’re just throwing yourself around like a thoughtless child!”

You stiffen defensively.

“I’m not being thoughtless-“ you protest, anger heating your words as you spit them out, but Yoongi cuts you off.

“You are! What powers do you have? What abilities? None! I allowed you to come because I didn’t think you’d get in our way so much!” He snarls at you. You throw yourself to your feet, your eyes blazing and your heart thundering furiously in your heart. “Instead you’re throwing yourself into fights you know you can’t handle! You should have left the kid to me!”

“So I was supposed to just sit and stay where you’d left me? Like a dog?” You cry. “When people are dying around me? When a child was about to lose his life?”

“You were supposed to not get hurt!” Is what Yoongi shouts.

And then he goes abruptly silent, his mouth closing so violently that you hear his teeth click together. He cups a hand over his mouth and turns abruptly away, shoulders hunched.

The change in mood is so sudden that you feel like you have whiplash; you almost lose your balance with the about-face. Yoongi keeps his back to you for a long moment, and there’s something hurt about the way he curls himself away from you. Finally, he takes a long, shaky inhale and when he finally turns back to you, his eyes are glazed with emotions you can’t understand. It’s not fair that he gets to stare at you like that, that he gets to make you feel two feet tall.

“Why did you come?” He finally asks, levelling you with a wary look.

The air feels heavy. You and Yoongi have had a good relationship from the beginning- he’s a little protective and a little bit gruff, but on the whole he’d looked out for you and if anything, you felt closer to him than you did to Seokjin or Hoseok. So this is likely the first time the two of you have clashed like this.

It’s probably the question he should have asked when you first demanded you accompany him. He should have questioned your motives. He’d had just enough interaction with Jiyeon to work out that she was a bit of an outcast before she’d been kidnapped; he should have known that she’s not your friend. Maybe that’s why you’re so fond of Yoongi; because he hadn’t asked any of those things. He’d looked at the plucky orphan and given you a chance.

You’ve questioned your own motives many times; why are you on this journey? Why didn’t you stay in your rightful place with Jungkook back at the village? Why did you insist you help rescue Jiyeon? There are motives you can’t shake; that it was for glory. Recognition. So that you could play at being hero. So that you could catch the attention of the mysterious, handsome stranger who is currently eyeing you like you’re an unfamiliar but dangerous beast.

But you want to believe the motive in the depths of your heart is true; that are your core, you are good.

She’d met your eyes, the moment before those beasts grabbed her. She’d stared straight at you and begged you for help.

“Because people need help.” You finally say. You gaze straight at Yoongi, willing him to understand. Willing him to believe. Willing him to see the good in you that you want to believe is there.

Yoongi offers you a searching gaze; deep, dark eyes seem to pierce through to your very soul. He’s always had sharp eyes- he picks things up faster than anyone you’ve ever met and he notices things that no one else would even think to look for. It’s terrifying and exhilarating to have all the focus directed completely on you, even if it is only for a heartbeat. Like he’s disassembling you, piece by piece.

And then he turns away, shoulders stiff and posture ready like a well-trained soldier, and he begins to march off.

“You get two days of recovery. And then we start your training.” He glances over his shoulder at you. “If you’re to accompany the chosen one on her journey, then you must be able to defend yourself. Otherwise, if you continue to burden us like this, I shall chain you to your home at the village personally.”

And you can’t read his expression for the life of you, but there’s just something fond about the way the light glints off his steely eyes.

“Can’t I train her?” Seokjin complains, chewing through a mouthful of dried meat. He looks you up and down like he’s seizing up your weakness and you stick your tongue out him childishly. “I think she needs some work on her defensive skills; perhaps I can come at her with a stick and she can try and fend me off.”

“That just sounds like you want revenge for the mouse she put in your bedding this morning.” Hoseok offers helpfully.

Yoongi chews through his rations slowly and thoughtfully before levelling a glare a Seokjin.

“You can train her as soon as you best me in a fight. If you’d like, we can test that out right now and I can give (Y/N) a day off-“

“That’s fine.” Seokjin hastily cuts him off. “You know what, actually I think I need to do some meditation this morning, make sure they haven’t shifted Jiyeon’s location and that we’re still heading in the right direction.” He scurries off, not sparing a look behind him and you resist the urge to snort in laughter. Perhaps the mouse had been unnecessary, but some sort of revenge had been required after all Seokjin’s recent comments on the amount of time Yoongi had been taking to train you.

It had been months now, since Yoongi had decided you needed training; you were still a beginner by all means but Yoongi is a good teacher and with each day that passes you grow more adept. It leaves you a little sad; had he been able to mentor Jiyeon and cultivate her special abilities like he intended, perhaps the world would already be saved and the growing evil sealed permanently.

“You never did say why you decided to start learning to fight, (Y/N),” Hobi comments conversationally; though he is just as much a coward as Seokjin, he does have some sort of immunity to Yoongi’s withering glare. This leaves him undeterred by Yoongi’s subtle hints that he is unwelcome at your training sessions, for the most part.

“If she’s coming along on a dangerous journey, she needs to learn to defend herself.” Yoongi cuts in. He finishes the last of his meal, and gets to his feet. He stretches languorously, like a cat, peering at you through squinted eyes. “I’ll give you an hour and then we’ll get started. We’ll make camp here for tonight and cross the river in the morning.”

He wanders off, leaving you with Hobi. Hobi watches him go with mild curiosity.

“What happened between you two when we got separated?” Hobi wonders aloud. He tilts his head and stares at you. “Something just... seems different with you two.”

You pause to consider; true to his word, Yoongi had given you another couple of days to recover, and then he’d started his training. The two of you would spend the day hiking and in the evenings when you’d made camp for the night, he’d teach you the basics of combat. But despite his rigorous training, there was no denying that Yoongi treated you differently after that day. Not hugely different- his protectiveness hadn’t changed, and he wasn’t any less gruff than usual. He just seemed... a little warmer. Kinder, even. Except when he was training you and then he’d turn into a demon spawned from the depths of hell.

“Nothing we haven’t already told you; a village got attacked, I got injured, and Yoongi decided I should be trained in combat to stop it happening again.” You recall. Hoseok shakes his head in absolute bafflement.

“See, those all sounds like standard things for Yoongi, but then he also doesn’t seem like Yoongi. He’s so... different with you.l Hoseok admits. “I’ve known him for years now, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he...” he trails away, before looking at you curiously. “Ah.” He makes a little noise of understanding.

You lean forward eagerly.

“What?” You ask. Hoseok holds a thumb and forefinger to his chin thoughtfully.

“Nothing. I just want to try something. Hold still.” And that’s all the warning you get before Hoseok dives at you. Your eyes widen as you lurch back, but you are caught off guard and so Hoseok is able to pin you easily.

“Hobi!” You cry in protest, but he just grins and leans in close. You can’t help but notice how compromising the position you are in is, pinned beneath Hobi, and when he drops down low enough for his mouth to tickle your ear, you can only imagine what the pair of you look like to a third party.

“Yoongi’s the jealous type, by the way.” Is what he whispers, and that’s all he manages to tell you before a very loud throat clear interrupts him.

Hobi leans back, settling on his heals but not bothering to get off you. Yoongi stares down at him, unimpressed. His lips are pressed firmly together, but otherwise his expression is unreadable.

“Ah, Yoongs,” Hoseok says cheerfully. “I was just thinking I’d test (Y/N)’s reflexes. See how your training is going for myself.”

“Hoseok.” Yoongi says cooly. He smiles but it has no warmth in it. “Surely you’ve seen me fight enough; are you doubting my ability to train her?”

He offers a hand out to Hoseok, who accept it cheerfully. Freed from Hoseok’s grasp, you sit up, brushing dirt off your tunic and then glaring at Hoseok.

“Never.” Hoseok says warmly. He’s entirely too cheerful and smug and you don’t know why.

“What the hell, Hobi-“ you snap, but Yoongi cuts you off.

“I changed my mind, (Y/N),” he says abruptly. He pins you with shimmering dark eyes. “We’ll start our training now; Hoseok has just helpfully pointed out some shortcomings.”

“You’re welcome.” Hoseok offers, before taking his leave to find Jin.

He’s gentle as he helps you to your feet.

Everything about him is almost overly careful, as he leads you away from the camp site to a small clearing. There’s a tension to his figure that you don’t quite understand- it reminds you of the fight you’d had, where he’d turned away from you, overcome with emotion.

Yoongi takes a long, deep breath.

“Are you ok?” He finally asks, when the tension has bled from his posture. You nod cautiously, and Yoongi nods awkwardly to himself, before sighing heavily. He shoves a distressed hand through his hair, and the dishevelled look makes him look younger, somehow. Yoongi hasn’t been very forthcoming with personal details about himself, particularly his age, but normally he looks just a bit older than you. But the look he gives you now is almost boyish, like a confused child lost in the woods.

“Hoseok’s always been nosey.” He comments. “He likes to do unhelpful things because he thinks he’s helping me.” The almost frazzled way he says the words is so unlike the composed man you know; you feel like you have whiplash and you don’t even know the reason behind his sudden and unexpected fluster.

“You mean pinning me?” You wonder. Yoongi nods, agitated, before stepping close to you.

“What did he say to you?” He asks. “When he was... he was... I saw him say something. What’d he say?”

You pause to recall the cryptic words- that Yoongi is the jealous type. It’s certainly an interesting little tidbit to know; a small part of you wonders if that jealousy would ever be directed at you, but you dismiss it just as quickly. But for the life of you, you can’t think why Hobi might have brought it up in such a context, or why he even thought it appropriate to pull the stunt in the first place.

“That you’re the jealous type.” You share, wondering if Yoongi will offer any further clarity or insight into the situation or if he will keep his thoughts to himself like he often prefers to do.

Something sparks in Yoongi’s eyes, and this, at least, is an easy emotion to interpret; irritation.

“Let’s just get started.” He grumbles. He guides you through your regular warm up. You’re thankful you’d eaten earlier than the others for you’re sure you’d have a nasty cramp if you hadn’t. Yoongi is short and clipped in his delivery and it’s clear the hounding from his peers earlier has left him in a foul mood.

Finally, after a series of difficult drills that he’s been practicing with you, he allows you a brief reprieve.

“You’ve come a long way.” He observes, while you take a long drink from a waterskin. When you stare at him questioningly in response, he settles down next to you and offers something close to a smile. It’s a little terser and a little awkward, but there’s a warmth to his eyes that you’ve steadily become acquainted with despite the rarity of its appearances. “Give it another few months and you’ll be able to keep up with even Jin.”

“I probably won’t.” You remind him. “Jiyeon’s being held at the next town- you’ll probably be too preoccupied training her to have these sessions with me.”

Yoongi stiffens, just slightly, but you’ve become accustomed with the way he expresses himself throughout the journey and you know the statement throws him.

“I can manage two pupils. It might even be helpful for her to spar with someone closer to her skill level.” He finally says. You nod, getting up and stretching, bouncing from heel to heel as an indicator that you’re ready to go.

“I suppose it might.” You offer, but now your mind is preoccupied. In the next few days, the four of you will enter into the territory where Jin can sense Jiyeon is being held, and they will begin her rescue mission. Following that, Yoongi had planned to withdraw to his hometown where he can safely train her in preparation. From there, the campaign begins; they must raise up an army mighty enough to take on the Empire and remove whatever curse upon the land the Shadow Emperor has wrought. It’s a long, arduous path ahead of them, one you definitely hadn’t thought through. But with your meagre, beginner fighting skills, surely you shall be more hindrance than help, as pointed out by Yoongi all those months ago.

Yoongi picks up on your distraction when he’s able to pin you in a fairly simple maneouvre. He plants a forearm against the base of your throat and pins your legs beneath the weight of his body. His body is warm against yours and the force of the blow that sent you sprawling has you breathless. You bring up your hands, trying to dislodge his arm, but he’s stronger and surer than you and it doesn’t budge.

“Distraction can cost you your life.” He comments, and his voice is a low rumble. His breaths come deep and heavy- warm puffs of air tickle your skin and his torso heaves against yours.

“Sorry.” You mutter. The pressure against you eases as Yoongi sits back but he doesn’t shift his weight off you.

“I was distracted too.” He admits. He rolls off you and straightens, dusting off his pants before extending a hand to you. “Let’s leave it here and pick up tomorrow. It might even be our last training session without Jiyeon so I expect you to work hard.”

You take his hand and the mention of her name has something dark and ugly churning in your stomach. This whole situation has your heart sitting cold in your chest like unyielding stone. You had confessed to Yoongi that you had come along on this journey because someone needed help- what about after? What role did you have to play in all this? Yoongi had just assumed you would continue to accompany them, but is that really what you should do?

“I’m the jealous type too.” The words come out of you softly, unbidden- you almost don’t realise you’ve said them until you see the way Yoongi stiffens.

“What?” He asks, turning back to face you. His expression is about as readable as a blank page- you’re sure the Emperor’s fortress would be easier to breach.

You swallow deeply and steel yourself. You’ve already said the words- it’s time you faced these pesky feelings before you make a decision you regret.

“I’m the jealous type too.” You confess, a little louder. “I don’t want to be your second pupil. I don’t want to be someone along just so Jiyeon’s less lonely and has someone to spar with. I like training with you. I want to keep training with just you. And the thought of sharing this time with her... it makes me feel jealous.”

Yoongi is silent, staring at you in confusion. It takes him a few baffled blinks before he manages an answer.

“We don’t have enough time for two separate sessions.” Is what he offers, the words slow and almost slurred in confusion. “And Jiyeon’s training takes priority.”

It’s a slap in the face, even if Yoongi doesn’t mean it in the way you’re thinking. He doesn’t seem to understand, but you want him to. You want him to comfort you and take away the ugly feelings storming inside you.

“I’m not talking about training.” You finally say. “I’m talking about us. You and me.”

Yoongi looks like you’ve just punched him in the stomach- the look of absolute bewilderment on his normally calm face would be funny if your heart didn’t feel like it was about to plummet straight through your body into the ground below you.

“I have feelings for you.” You blurt. “And I’m scared. Because Jiyeon’s the chosen one. She has to be your priority. The world needs that. But if she’s the priority... if she’s the one that needs to be trained and cared for and raised.... where does that leave me? Less useful than a packing mule.”

Yoongi’s expression is stony, but you can see the emotion shining in his eyes. His normally composed exterior is completely shattered, and for just a brief second you catch a glimpse of fragile, vulnerable longing.

And then his expression steels and it’s like a door slamming shut.

“I don’t have time for feelings.” Is what he says. He’s brusque and his words are firm and if you hadn’t caught that glimpse of emotion, it would almost seem cruel the way he delivers them. “And if this is what you are spending your time worrying about, then I think it best you return to your village.”

And then he leaves you, alone in the clearing to clean up the mess you’ve made of your own heart.

Despite his rough dismissal, you do not go home. You’ve come too far to not at least see Jiyeon safe and rescued. What comes after is something you can worry about when it actually happens.

Seokjin and Hoseok can tell something happened, but they are awkward and unsure about how to proceed since both you and Yoongi refuse to speak of it. Instead, the two of you arrive at some sort of wordless truce; he won’t send you home and you won’t bring up your feelings again.

The four of you arrive at the town where Jin can sense Jiyeon’s presence. It’s a fairly unremarkable town, just small enough that it’s hard to enter without people noticing your presence but just large enough that they probably can’t guess at your motives. It takes a few days of reconnaissance to discover where Jiyeon may be; this town happens to house a small, undercover faction of the emperor’s top mages, and a days’ hike out of the village holds a secret dungeon.

The decision is made to leave you behind, and though normally you’d insist you accompany them, a piercing glare from Yoongi has you meekly agreeing to stay overnight in the in . Your instructions are simple; if the four of them do not return by 6am the next morning, you are to cross the country and head to the town of Sabre, Yoongi’s hometown. From there, you should find the aid necessary to rescue the chosen one, and from there it will be up to Yoongi’s friends and family to replace Yoongi’s role as mentor and teacher to the chosen one.

You’re seeing the them off under the cover of night when Yoongi finally acknowledges you.

You’re about to turn back to the inn and retire to the room that you’d hired out when he calls your name. You turn back in surprise; Jin and Hoseok watch in confusion as Yoongi walks towards you. He shoves a hand through his hair in distress before coming to a halt before you.

His expression is oddly soft as he casts his gaze over you.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs. It’s soft enough that Jin and Hoseok can’t hear, but you hear the words as loud as day. “I’ll... I’ll see you in the morning.”

Despite everything, despite the ache in your chest, despite the overwhelming worry and concern, despite the fear, you smile at him. He looks surprised for a moment before you notice the slightest curl form at the edge of his mouth in a weak smile.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” You promise.

You do attempt to sleep that night; after all the plan is to leave straight away and flee to Sabre as soon as Jiyeon is rescued. You have a long an arduous journey ahead of you and you’re the only one who has the luxurious option of sleep. But you only manage fitful bursts, filled with nightmares. Finally, the dawn rolls around, though you do not feel rested in the slightest.

You rise with a sigh, readying your scant belongings and changing into appropriate travel gear.

And then, you wait. Waiting is agony- that’s something you learn as you settle beside the window of your small room and watch the sun peek between imposing stone buildings. The sky warms from a dull grey into a blushing pink, and then a bright blue. And all the while, you catch no glimpse of your friends. Six am comes and goes. No one had warned you how deeply terrifying your role would be. Waiting and uncertain. Are they dead? Captured? You do not know- they didn’t grant you the luxury of any information; just left you behind to deal with the mess, under the guise of “safety”.

Stiffly, you rise from your position. You do not dare check the clock. You do not want to know how long past the meet-up time it is though it must be at least a few hours. Your instructions had been to leave strictly as 6am lest people

come looking for you, but that hour has come and gone.

“You’re a liar.” You mutter to yourself as you step out into the crisp morning air. It had only been last night that he’d promised to see you again; so quickly he broke his promise.

You kick the dirt aimlessly before beginning a quick stride for the edge of town, your head down. “A coward and a liar.” You assert, though your voice is thick with unshed tears.

You’ve just stepped into the woods that surround the edge of the town when you hear the crunch of boots in dirt and the clink of armour; soldiers are out and about. Perhaps they’re searching for your friends after a successful mission and Jiyeon is safe; perhaps they’re searching for any backup to exterminate and ensure her continued imprisonment.

You’re searching for a way to conceal yourself when an arm wraps around your bicep and nearly yanks you off your feet. You stumble back into a firm, warm presence, and one hand covers your mouth while an arm snakes around your waist, stifling your cry.

You don’t hesitate to utilise the momentum of your fall. You swing your elbow around to where you estimate your attacker’s abdomen is. They release a soft “oof” and you utilise the way that their arm goes slack to swing forward in the same moment you bring the heel of your foot slamming down over theirs.

They grunt and hunch over in pain.

“It’s me!” A familiar voice hisses, releasing you so that you can whirl around and see your attacker.

“Yoongi?” You say, before remembering the approaching guards and lower your voice. “You’re here?!”

“I am.” He comments softly. “Jin sensed you hadn’t left yet and I.... came to get you.” He confesses.

A clank of armour and the distant sound of voices has the two of you freezing; now is not the time for reunion. There will be time for catch up and explanation later. For now, you are in imminent danger until the soldiers pass you by.

Yoongi secures a hand tightly around your wrist and guides you through the undergrowth in a low crouch. He moves in the opposite direction of the voices, brushing branches out of the way.

“There’s a hollow ahead; we can hide there until they pass by and then we’ll make for town. The others will be waiting for us there.” He glances at you over his shoulder.

You don’t know what passes through his expression, but you feel his grip tighten just a fraction and his pace quickens.

The hollow he speaks of is a tree- rain has washed away the soil that the tree clung to. In its place, twist, skeletal roots knot and weave to form a dark space just large enough to hide some if they scrunched themselves up very tightly. You pause to raise an eyebrow at Yoongi. He pointedly ignores your scepticism, pressing pointedly on your shoulders until you obediently crawl into the space. He is not far behind- you feel the warmth of his form as he crowds you in. You’re about to comment that you don’t feel particularly hidden when you feel the brush of his magic; the shadows around the roots thicken. It’s a spell you’ve seen before- people’s eyes seem to just slide over the places that Yoongi’s shadows conceal.

“So are you going to tell me why you’re still here and not halfway to the next town when we agreed you’d leave three hours ago?” He murmurs from where he is crouched over you. Crushed up against him like this, he is a large, foreboding presence. Were it not for the glint of warmth to his eyes, the relief at seeing you safe, you could almost be afraid of this terrifying man. If he is, indeed, a human at all.

You could do a lot of things in that moment- pour out the anxiety and worry and misery and anger you feel and watch him boil in it; instead you release the fragile shard of vulnerability you had been trying to keep a tight hold on.

“I couldn’t accept you’d died.” You confess.

Yoongi’s eyes soften, and he drops his head so that it rests against your shoulder. His hair tickles the side of your neck and you feel the heavy weight of his breath as he exhales slowly.

“I’m sorry.” He confesses. You shake your head, attempting to shift back. Some distance would be helpful to the loud racket your heart is currently making.

“It was out of your control.” You remind him. “It’s hard to be punctual when you’re fighting against an empire.”

His arms tighten- a hand lifts from the soil and fits into the curve of your waist, anchoring you against him.

“Not about that.” He confesses. “About.... about what you said earlier. About your feelings- I can’t stop thinking about it. About you. I have so much I must do and I can’t afford distractions and yet...... there is so much I want to be distracted by, (Y/N).”

He feels your surprised inhale, the way your ribs hiccup beneath his palm.

“I’m supposed to be protecting Jiyeon and yet when Jin told me you were in danger...”

He doesn’t have to finish the story. Here he is, holding you desperately against him like at any moment you may crumble. He left the chosen one vulnerable, unprotected and untrained to save you. The plucky orphan who should have never been apart of this tale in the first place.

Against your volition, you hand comes up to slide against his cheek. His eyes squeeze shut at the gesture- it reminds you of a cat, the way his eyes squint in contentment.

“I understand.” You admit. “I.... It’s not your fault.”

Those are the only words you can muster. How else can you articulate the way it has clicked in place? The burden Yoongi bears; the long, scary road ahead of him. He cannot afford to be thinking of the things he cannot have; and he cannot have you, as much as you both want it.

You know he understands what you meant; that your words have lifted a heavy burden from his heart. He did not want to hurt you; but he cannot drag you in.

You lean up, tilting your head up just slightly so that you can have a brief taste of the life you could have had; if you were born in a time of peace and prosperity. Perhaps you could have wedded. Had children together. Grow old with your hands linked together, smiling with recollections of a life well-lives. His lips are soft but firm, and the kiss is filled with sadness.

You eventually make the decision to go home. It’s not inmediatelt; you persevere for a while. You accompany them on the arduous journey back to Yoongi’s hometown. You assist with Jiyeon’s training as Yoongi intended. But eventually you come to accept the truth; this isn’t your journey to be on.

Jiyeon, who was suspicious of your presence at first given your history, is the one who protests the most, oddly enough. Perhaps you are the small piece of familiarity in a sea of chaos and fear, to her. And oddly, you are sad to say good-bye. Despite never liking her as a child, as an adult you begin to see it. The heart for others, the unwavering compassion and determination. She has the heart of a hero.

But that’s why you must return home; a hero needs a home to fight for, after all.

Yoongi’s goodbye to you is subdued. He does not voice his sadness- Jiyeon even goes so far as to scold him to his dismissiveness. But you know; you can see it shining in his eyes. If he lets go, he will break down. And you are leaving to prevent that; your goodbye will be for naught if he lets himself crumble here.

“It’s not forever.” You reassure your friends. Jin nods, tearfully, while Hoseok rests a comforting hand against his shoulder- normalky he would be the one sobbing the loudest, but he is to chaperone you home and then he will rendez-vous with the others in Yoongi’s hometown. “I’ll see you when the war ends. If any of you die, I’ll be very cross with you.”

That does it; the briefest, weakest smile from Yoongi.

And so ends this chapter of your adventure.

Epilogue:

The war lasts five years. Villages are ravaged, lives are lost and empires are brought to their knees. Joyous bells ring throughout your town when the news reaches you; the emperor has fallen.

For you, you don’t think much of it. The war had left countless children orphaned, and to the best of your ability you take as many in as you can handle. Ever since you and Jungkook took over the orphanage, funds have been tight and there have been endless mouths to feed. So the news of the war ending leaves you surprisingly underwhelmed. The end of the war will not mean food appears from nowhere or make these children un-orphaned. If anything, your job gets harder now; as people lick their wounds and the fallen empire recovers, you will have your hands full with your children.

You’re informing Jungkook of this opinion quite loudly in the tavern one evening. It’s past curfew for the children and old Bertha had offered to keep an eye on things so the two of you could have a night off.

You’re surprised when a nearby customer snickers. Casting your gaze, you notice four hooded figures seated around the door. That in itself is not suspicious, for many travellers prefer to keep their identities concealed as they pass through.

What is suspicious is the brief glimpse you catch of one of the hooded strangers, the slight tilt of a smirk that seems almost familiar.

Having noticed your attention is drawn, one of the travellers lean forward.

“Do go on.” A familiar voice sounds. You nearly drop your glass as you blink a few times. Suddenly, your heart is racing.

“Do you know these people?” Jungkook asks curiously, eyeing the group with mild interest.

You’re too stunned to reply, so the initial traveller, the one who had snickered answers for you. He tugs his hood off to reveal chestnut hair, a heart shaped mouth, bright glittering eyes.

“I sure hope she does since we came all this way to find her.” Hoseok cries enthusiastically.

You distantly hear the sound of a chair sliding across wood and then realise the source is you, leaping from your chair.

“H-hoseok?” You cry. He grins.

“The one and only!” He caws. He gets to his feet to engulf you in a monstrous bear hug.

The other travellers take the opportunity to tug their hoods free; first Jiyeon appears, beaming at you, then Seokjin.

And then Yoongi. Five years has not aged him, though you always had considered the possibility that he is immortal.

Hoseok seems to realise he’s lost your attention, for he releases you and begins interrogating Jungkook.

You’re far too preoccupied with the man before you.

“Yoongi.” You breathe.

The smile he offers you is surprisingly light and warm. Like a cat blinking contentedly in the rays of the morning sun. And despite it being nearly half a decade since you last saw him, your heart races just the same.

“You did say it wasn’t forever.” He offers you simply.

And as your eyes water and fill with tears, you offer him a weak smile.

And so begins the next chapter of your adventure.

#thebtswritersclub #castlebangtan #yoongi x reader #min yoongi x reader #suga x reader #writing

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pfreadsandwrites · 4 years

Note

Congratulations on 100 followers once again!! you're a beautiful writer and i know you'll have so many more soon enough!! ❤️ okay sooo for the celebration thingy can i request "are you flirting with me?" with kakashi? 😩 I'll leave all the specifications upto you and take as much time as you need there's no hurry at all!

100 follower celebration

Omg thank you so much!! I’m sorry if this is crappy ahah I really struggled to start it and also i am terrible at flirting but so are these two dorks!!!

Also through writing this I realised that I am not that good at writing when it’s a) something light-hearted b) second person. BUT I’M STILL GONNA TRY. Also this is longer than I intended but largely because I didn’t know how to introduce the flirting without it being longer... The other ones I write won’t be this long (i hope!) Also I feel like this is really terrible, I’m sorry T.T

warning: changing povs cuz i am stupid! 1.3k words.

taglist: @allthingskakashi @ibukiirisha @datblobbyfish @praisingkuroosbedhead @madaras-housewife @cinam00n @enchantedpendant

56. Are you flirting with me?

You let out a sigh - all too common a sound for you these days - and stared hopelessly at the flood of paper at your feet. Everywhere and anywhere, covering the entire cross-section of the hallway so neatly that you were tempted to just leave it there.

Of course, you muse bitterly. This was exactly what you needed. Being dragged back to the hospital on your one day off after having to work your ass off for a week - that wasn’t enough.

Neither was being tricked into taking the fall for one of the medical ninja who’d somehow fucked up the most basic procedure possible - that hadn’t been enough either.

And being lumbered with all the paperwork that was supposed to be the work of your underlings (normally humility would stop you from admitting it, but your patience was running thin) - of course, that wasn’t enough.

But dropping ever sheet of every document that you’d painstakingly and meticulously organised and filled out? This had better be enough, for your sake - and for the sake of anyone who’d have the misfortune to encounter you today.

You carried on gazing at the mess in front of you - praying that the sheer hope of your will would wish it out of existence.

You closed your eyes. You waited. You opened your eyes. Your own scribbles greeted you mockingly, and you could pinpoint whereabouts you lost your motivation on your handwriting.

So much for making it disappear.

You hunched your shoulders in defeat, and fell to your knees. Your tired fingers got to work, gathering the paper. Your head and eye sockets ached in tandem, more and more with each sheet you picked up. It just wasn’t fair. All this work you were doing, that you weren’t even supposed to be doing, thanklessly - and for what? You didn’t have time for friends, for yourself - you barely even washed your hair last night. Caught up in your own self-pity, it took you a minute or two to notice that you weren’t actually picking up your paperwork anymore - it was being handed to you.

You frowned at the hand in front of you, your weary brain attempting to make sense of the present. You recognised the hand - it was a man’s hand, a shinobi’s hand, adorned with fingerless gloves, large, strong-seeming - though subtly so, to the point where you could overlook it easily. You studied them a few moments longer when it finally hit you. These were Kakashi’s hands. You’d noticed them many a time before. On the rare occasion you were sent on a mission, or most commonly when he’d end up back here after completing one, but his hands had left an impression on you. Many things about him left an impression on you, if you were being completely honest with yourself.

But you didn’t like to be completely honest with yourself. The realisation brought you back to the present, where you suddenly remembered that you’d just been gawking at this man’s hand, silently, while he’d been holding out something for you to take. Shit. You felt your cheeks heat up, and took the paper quickly.

“Sorry! Thank you!” You said quickly, looking at the paperwork, before finding the courage to ignore your embarrassment and blink back up at your helper. Kakashi just glanced back at you curiously - well, that’s what it seemed like, through his one visible eye.

“Something wrong, Y/N? You seem a little… spaced out,” Kakashi said slowly, and you felt scrutinised under his gaze. The smooth tone of his voice didn’t help cool down the heat in your cheeks, either. Good thing you did manage to wash your hair last night, though you were sure your exhausted mood wasn’t doing you any favours physically.

“Sorry. Overworked. Wasn’t expecting to see you here,” you explained, and you couldn’t help the smile that came to your face. He’d been discharged yesterday - not that you were his doctor, not this time, and not that you checked up on him when he came in and when he’d left - no, definitely not.

Kakashi hummed, but returned to helping you gather up the papers. He didn’t offer any explanation as to why he was here - you didn’t ask directly, after all. No chance he would admit it if you had, anyway. Instead, he smiled under his mask. He hadn’t expected to see you react this way - off guard, nervous - and even though you didn’t exactly seem like you had the energy to respond positively, you still were. It was all very… adorable. “I could tell.”

“Well, yeah - I really appreciate it, but you don’t have to help. You probably have something to do, right?”

“Right.” Wait, Kakashi thought, no. How did you manage to catch him off-guard too? “I mean, no. I don’t. You look like you could use some help.”

“Oh, I’m okay, honestly. Just one of those days, you know?”

That was another thing. How you did everything by yourself, out of necessity. You didn’t seem to expect the same kindness you offered freely outwards. He smiled again, and went back to work again.

“I do know. And though I’m sure you’re okay, two hands are better than one - well, four are better than two - you know what I mean.”

You giggled, but didn’t even think to tease him further. He was always thankful for your kindness. “Okay. Thank you.”

Kakashi smiled, and gathered up the rest of the files. You didn’t seem to have to do much else after that. He seemed to hold them with so much more ease than you did, but that was to be expected. “Alright. Where am I taking these?”

He stopped you when you shook your head and tried to prise the heavy pile from his arms.

“I think I’m less likely to drop them than you are, Y/N.”

You opened your mouth to argue, before you realised that he wasn’t wrong. Instead, you relented, and began leading him down the hallway. It was nice to not have to do everything for a change, and it was even nicer that it was Kakashi of all people. “I appreciate it. I really am exhausted”

Kakashi winked. “Well, being exhausted agrees with you."

You blinked back at him. What did that mean?

He paused, before his own mind went into overdrive. How were you supposed to take that? Why was he incapable of saying something normal around you? The words fumbled over in his brain as he tried to correct himself. “I mean… You look good, even though you’re exhausted. Never mind.”

What is wrong with me, Kakashi chided himself, but his heart skipped a beat when he heard you giggle.

“Thanks?”

“You’re very welcome.” Well, he’d resigned himself to being an idiot now. At least he’d corrected himself. Somewhat. “You know, if you appreciate this, what say you return the favour for me in some way?”

“Are you flirting with me?” you asked quietly. Common sense would have dictated yes, but you still had to quell your own self-doubt.

“If you’re as busy as you seem to be, it probably won’t be likely, but…,” Kakashi continued on, before he registered your question. Suddenly he became thankful for his mask. It was a good thing you couldn’t see just how how hard he was blushing.

But you got an inkling anyway. “I could make it a little likelier. I could even return the favour this evening. But what did you have in mind? Not helping with your paperwork?” You were teasing him a little, by this point, but he didn’t mind.

“No, I meant -,” he stopped himself when he realised you were joking. “Wait. Are you flirting with me?”

You laughed, as you opened the door to your office, and Kakashi’s eyes didn’t stray from yours as he carefully placed your work on your desk. Suddenly he felt a little bit braver - and maybe he would take you up on your offer.

You didn’t feel so angry about being called in, or the stupid medical ninja (even if he was still stupid), or dropping your hours of work. Maybe this was exactly what you needed, after all.

#kakashi #kakashi x reader #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #kakashi imagine #naruto #kakashi fic #ficlet #drabble #pfwrites #ask #allthingskakashi

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writtenonreceipts · 2 years

Note

Hey hey! Happy weekend!

I hope I don't sound totally random: you see, I used to read and write fanfics in hs (never had more than two/three likes so nothing massive). Do you have any tips to go back into it? Acomaf made me want to write again but I feel I lost the "magic touch" T.T

And and and do you think posting online helped you and your creativity?

Thanks for your time!

-starry anon

🌠🌟⭐️💫

Happy weekend starry friend!! Thanks so much for reaching out, I hope that what I say can help. As with any writing advice, take what works for you, every writer is different.

And forgive me, I love talking about writing and I just launched into this and apparently have a lot to say so again, take what you will...

I was the same as you--back in middle school and high school (10+ years ago) I wrote and read a lot. Well, write is a relative term, just one massive jily fic that we don’t talk about haha. It was fic that helped me discover how much I loved writing and I’ve done a lot of writing with OG stuff. It’s been this last year and a half that I’ve gotten into fic writing again.

When it comes to reading and writing, I am very character driven. A solid character with solid motivations means a lot. With TOG and ACOTAR, I think we can all agree that there are strong characters with interesting stories and personality traits to explore.

So when I started posting fic again, it became a way of exploring characters and their goals and motivations. I just love writing and I wanted to have something fun to turn to when my OG stuff wasn’t working so here we are. I don’t think a writer or creator loses their spark, rather, you find a new way to fan that flame and see it burn differently.

With one of the first fics, I posted “runaways” I had the idea of a girl running away from life and her past mistakes and how she reconciled with an old friend/love interest. And it just felt like a rowaelin story.

When it comes to getting back into writing, I’d say to focus on something about the characters you like or want to explore further. Aelin’s self-discovery, Rowan’s independence for example. And I let plot develop from there. Unless I know a particular scene I want to explore. Like in my Boys Night Out fic with breaking into a impound lot, that scene was inspired by the show Leverage where something similar happens.

Posting online was surreal. I have experience with writing groups and critique, but there is something different about doing it from this sort of platform. It helped to give me a little more confidence in myself and seeing actually in a space where others--complete strangers--can see it. Of course, recently, my readership has dropped and it feels like no one is really reading my stuff anymore. I’m not getting much interaction etc etc.

Which leads me to say that write what makes you happy. Fic writing is for you. It can be unbelievably personal, a place of discovery and change. Writing can be raw and honest and cruel. There are so many facets to dig up and polish. And the best thing about fic? If one story doesn’t work, you can go to 1 degree to the left and work the story from a different angle.

But please! Write. Just keep writing. No matter what anyone else says. If it makes you happy, if it brings you joy, do it! I am here too if you need to bounce ideas off someone or just talk something through.

<3 love you friend

#writing #advice #fanfiction writing #written is me #starry anon #long post #i try and give advice #feel free to ignore #writing advice

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neonwizardheehee · 3 years

Text

since today seems to be a day of rants have another one:

I don’T know why I still can’t bring myself to work.

am I just too lazy? in my mind all will be fine when in reality i haven’t written smth good.... thought it might be bc i don’t have ANY pressure. with my thesis i had smth at least and my sis and irl friends to keep me up. and now i obv dont. idk why it doesnt work online as well as it used to. mayeb I’m too goot at tricking my brain? have i come too accustomed to doing nothing? i thought about shutting down my phone for a few hours but... insta is still on my laptop accessible T.T and it feels weird to not have it open. but i guess that’s smth i can work on - to be present in going “offline” and work. as much as i love being online 24/7.... i cannot focus properly like this i have to acknowledge that and focus on fixing that. bc i know i love uni ... so why am i not doing it? it’s not even that i have too mcuh stuff going on ... so it had to be the fact itself that i’m being “online”.

- > be THERE for going offline

next thing is food...again i know and i hate it

i thought i had put my ed behind me.... learned better ways and accepted my body as it is. well.. joke’s on me bc as of now I’m at my lw for 7 years or smth. and i didn’t even diet. but i know that I’m eating shitty. bc of my t1d i don’T really have an appetite anymore (meaning i don’T pay it any attention) but now i don’T even get hungry. I can’T eat as much as i used to...which was a low normal amount i’d say. so yes it’s bad. and usually it fixes itself once i recongized this and figured out how to not do that anymore. not this time tho????? I’m tired all the time, I don’t have motivation or strength to do anything. I’m afraid to do sports T.T i don’t want that!!! last year it took me half a year to healthily loose 3kg and now when i think... i might’ve even lost more in the last 2 T.T that is so so scray T.T i wanted to do research and one tiktok kicked me even more back into that ed fear. tbh i just want to cry. i don’t want to loose my energy! why am i so afraid of doing sports? idk why i just can’T bring myself to eat - i fucking love eating???? coffee and sometimes cheese is the only thing i look forward to sometimes - the rest is just “ugh i gotta eat” T.T that is not me - that never was me T.T why now huh? T.T shit is so personal i dont even know who and what to ask tbh... i’m so scared and i don’t even know why T.T maybe it’s a mental thing?

the last month kicked me really mentally with the semester ending, me missing my friends, me recognizing how bad 2021 will be and how much of my usual self i lost bc i can’T bring myself to do the things i used to love. T.T

tbh the only thing that keeps me happy is talking to my girl and making memories with her. altho the missing is real - that’s new for me too and maybe i’m reacting more badly than i thought. or i just got too much into my head with all the ffs i’m reading as a coping mechanism. maybe watching gotham fucked me up more then i imagined. who knows. not me.

today i downloaded and food tracker app again and i already want to cry. bc i wanted to hurt myself more i checked the history of that app and wow I’m sad again. idk why IDK WHY this is happening. pls let me just work on my papers and enjoy my time with my girl???? why do i have such sad thoughts? T.T

when i tried to explain my uni problem to my parents they said to make myself a schedule and goals - and i wanted nothing more than to cry bc i know i cannot do that.

i think i’m slowly realizing that for me life before was better - before everyone cared about mental health - u only had to be a functioning human and be the best . that was smth i liked to do and i was good at it. now after the issues kept piling up and got names.... it get’s more scary for me since i find excuses to be not-functioning. whether it’s uni, t1d or sports .. practically anything T. T

now everything seems like a chore i can do but don’t have to do. and thus i don’T do it T.T how did i become like that? how can i change back?

thing is idk what my problem is. so i cannot ask for help even tho i want to and i know sb would help me. but idk what to ask since i became too good in downplaying......everything???

the other thing is... i have so many good things in my life?????? why can’T i focus on them? why do i feel the need to be miserable? that doesn’t make sense to me!

so another idea i have to fix this is give myself a new task. and not a task i do for myself (like make myself food to eat) but to do smth for others again! seeing it as i work better when others have expectations for me and i work around them to fulfill that - i want to do that again. instead of putting off posting o insta i should bring myself to post again and good content at that. so tell me to cook u smth for dinner or bring wine for a night out - i can make sure to do my uni work before and have brought wine and food! even dressed up bc it’s smth for you! bc even if i don’T care - you do and i should use that for myself.

i want to be powerful and cool again - and i want to be really proud of my achievements and not bc i got lucky or know the right people and are manipulative enough to make people say what i want to hear :P

(fun fact: while writing this i had “my demons” had been playing in the beginning and in the end it was “when you’re evil” so that prob explains a lot hahahah XDDD no I’m onto Alaska Thunderfuck so HELL YES BIICHES)

#idk where i wanted to go with that at all #ig i just needed to write that out #at least i feel better now that it's out #personal rant

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manggojooz · 5 years

Text

Take My Hands Now (Part 10)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

word count: 2,670 thereabouts

genre: drama, angst, romance

summary: You were born with a condition that allowed you to feel the pain someone else was going through when you touched them. Jungkook, on the other hand, looked like he could not be any less bothered with other people’s feelings and was a well known playboy of the school. One night, at a party, while he attempted to turn you into his toy for the night, he grabbed your hand and pain crashed through you, making you wonder whether behind the facade of this pleasure seeker, he could also be hiding something.

warnings: none

Song rec: She’s In The Rain - by The Rose

Comments: There’s a random Korean line right at the end because I really wanted to include it but I have no idea what’s the best way to say it in English T.T I tried to translate but it’s not 100% to my satisfaction... if anyone can help perfect that I will be so grateful <3

Jungkook woke up in their practice room lair, with a fast asleep Hoseok lying next to him on the couch, hands draping over Jungkook’s body. He pushed Hoseok onto the floor, stirring him awake. As Jungkook moved to sit up, his head was pulsating, the hangover catching up to him.

Hoseok rubbed his eyes as he sat on the cold floor. “Not the type of morning I was dreaming of... waking up beside another man”, he muttered groggily and he dragged his body back onto the couch, lying stomach flat on top of the pillows.

Jungkook got up to make space for him. He walked out to the bathroom, splashing a handful of water on his face to sober up.

---

He recalls storming out of his house, with his mind consumed in a complete vacuum from the conversation he just overheard. His parents had both saw him at the door when Hoseok let out a tiny gasp behind him. Jungkook paused outside the giant metal gates of his house. Waiting.

But the voice that came was not what he waited for. “Jungkook!”, shouted Hoseok.

Jungkook clenches his jaws, deeply inhales and closes his eyes out of torment. When his eyes fluttered opened again, he stalks off towards nowhere.

“Hey, wait for me!”

They ended up in a posh club in town. Jungkook downing shots after shots, partying harder than he usually would. He entertained almost every single girl who approached him. Luring them in, taking what he needed from them, be it attention or affection, and then throwing them away.

“Jungkook!”, a girl’s shrill voice pierced through the music as she landed herself next to him on the sofa he was resting on. Was she the third one tonight? Or the fourth? He was sure he had lost count.

Jungkook doesn’t recognise her, “You know me?”

“Of course I know you, the famous Jeon Jungkook”, she laughed.

“At least you know me...”, his smile at her, although drunken, would have made every heart in that place flutter.

Hoseok who had been watching him worriedly the whole night decided that this was enough; Jungkook was either way too drunk or on the verge of losing his mind.

“That’s enough for tonight Jungkook, let’s go”, he demanded as he dragged his friend away from the woman still clinging onto him.

“Where are we going? I just found someone who knows me!”

“I know you too buddy! Come on, let’s go!”, Hoseok yelled at a struggling and staggering Jungkook.

“Heyyy Hoseokkkk, get me another shot... I want one more...”, Jungkook was whining like a spoilt kid.

“Alright, ok ok, I'll get you everything you want, let’s just get out of here first.”, Hoseok tried to pacify him while taking his uncontrollable friend back to the school lair.

---

Jungkook stared into the mirror at himself for a long time, he looked at himself up and down a few times. What should he do now? Since his mind was no longer working, he’ll let his heart dictate – his heart which must already have started to decay.

---

A few days have passed since you had the conversation with Jungkook at the bus stop near Yunsu’s place. He never came to find you again. Well, to be fair, you did tell him to leave you alone and never retracted it. For the past few days, you couldn’t stop thinking about what he said.

It was true that you could feel someone’s pain, but that does not always mean you understood the meaning of it all. You always thought your condition allowed yourself to stand in someone else’s shoes when it came to the hurtful things in life. But it was far from it.

Even if you know how it felt like, you would still never truly know what those feelings mean to that person.

---

Hoseok walked into the book store and spotted you at the counter in your daze.

“Y/N”, he solemnly approached you.

You jumped up from behind the counter. “What are you doing here?”, you asked cautiously, reminiscing the last time he came to find you here to satisfy his ulterior motives.

He frowned in response to your tone, choosing to ignore your hostility. “I haven’t been able to contact Jungkook for quite a few days. Just came to check if he appeared around here? Although the chances are pretty low... but I have tried looking everywhere”, he murmured listlessly.

“You guys fought?”, you asked.

He looked up in slight irritation. “We did... that night after you left his birthday party. Not this time though. So, I guess you haven’t seen him either?”

You shook your head and he nodded, turning towards the door. He walked a few steps away but then he turned around, marching back towards you again.

Staring closely into your eyes, he decided to tell you, “Something happened to him. He's definitely not alright. He turned off his phone for the past three days and I haven’t seen him around in school or anywhere which we would usually go.”

Concern started to grow within you as well, “Maybe he’s just at home? Have you checked?”

“That’s the last place he would be... I was there with him when it happened... at his house... he won’t be going back there any time soon.”

So... something happened to him at home?

“Whether you still wish to believe me this time, that’s up to you. As much as I hate to admit it, between the two of us now, he might want to see you more than me. But he’s still my best friend, and if he comes to look for you, or if you find him anywhere... just let me know whether he’s ok”, he relented. You were stunned as you watched him leave for real this time.

Good thing your mind was still operating though, “Hey Hoseok!”, you shouted after him. “I don't have your phone number yet... if I see him I'll let you know.”

---

You tried calling Jungkook and messaging him a few times after Hoseok left, as expected to no avail. Where could he have gone?

The next day you waited and waited to see if he would appear at the lecture. “Are you possessed by a meerkat?”, Namjoon wrote on a piece of paper and slid it over your lecture notes.

You side-eyed him with the best death glare you could pull off and he leaned over saying, “Your neck’s gonna break at this rate. He's not here and it doesn’t seem like he’s coming at all, the lecture’s ending in fifteen minutes.” Namjoon was probably right.

---

Your phone buzzed in your pocket as you were arranging a new row of books, you threw everything down instantaneously to check who it was, but it was just an advertisement from the ice cream place up on the second level of the mall.

As you were putting your phone away in disappointment, this brought back a memory to you. When Jungkook was talking about his father once, he had told you about how he fancied this one ice cream place near his elementary school, because his father used to fetch him from school and then they would hang out there. You mind flashes back to the conversation:

“Remember I told you he became the CEO after I turned eight years old? And he never came to fetch me again. But I still go there from time to time, whenever I feel like being reminded of those times.”

“Can’t imagine a guy like you just sitting around having ice cream. Isn't your heart already cold enough?”, you joked.

“Very funny Y/N.”, he replied, cocking up an eyebrow at you.

You texted Hoseok, asking him if he knew where Jungkook’s elementary school is. He replied you almost immediately with the answer and questioned why you were asking.

“I have a hunch on where he may be... but I'm not exactly sure where it is, I'll just give it a shot. Let you know if I find him”, you replied to Hoseok.

---

You clocked out early and headed down to the vicinity of the school address Hoseok sent to you. You searched for a list of all the ice cream parlours nearby and there were about eight of them pinned onto your map app.

It’s going to take a while to get to all of them, so you hurried on your way, hoping none of them would close before you reached them.

The first one you got to had a bright pink interior, it was filled with school kids, mostly girls. The second and the third places were close by, but none of them had any signs of the man you were hunting for. You ploughed through another three stores, glancing inside quickly through the huge glass windows and leaving whenever you failed to spot him.

It was the second last shop on the list, and you saw that they were supposedly closing for the daygiven that it was almost 10pm. You ran towards it and through the glass door, ignoring the greeting of the girl at the counter, frantically scanning the place.

Even you were shocked by yourself when you saw the familiar silhouette you had been searching for the whole day. There he was, sitting at the far end, by himself in a corner. Amazing that your guess was actually right.

You walked over to him, and stood next to the table he sat at, really minded to yell at him for turning off his phone and disappearing for so many days. The bowl of ice cream sitting in front of him looked untouched, it had already melted into a puddle of mint green goo peppered with brown chocolate flakes.

His eyes widened to see you there. How did you find him here? Or was he just hallucinating now? He reached out his hand wanting to test whether you were really there but his finger hovered just a centimetre away from touching you.

“I’m sorry, we are closing for the day, is there anything else you need?”, a young girl wearing the shop’s uniform asked politely from behind you.

"No, it’s fine. Thanks”, you turned to reply to her.

Before you managed to spin back to look at Jungkook again, he had gotten out of the chair and was blazing out the door. You ran after him, hopping down the short flight of steps outside the shop.

“Where are you going?”, you shouted towards his back view.

He turned around to face you and the way he looked at you, in the dusk of the orangey street lights, had you stopping a few feet away from him. “Where do you think I'd be going? You should know by now what kind of person I am, so stay out of my business.”

His eyes were reminiscent of someone you knew not too long ago – you were watching him transform back to that same guy you met the first time.

“You know that that’s a lie”, you snapped at him.

“Do I? What do I know anymore? I don’t even know... so, don't pretend like you know me either”, his voice brewed over with annoyance and disdain.

He turned to walk off again and you ran up to him this time, grabbing hold of his arm to stop him. He flung you off immediately and you stumbled back almost falling. He belatedly realised what he just did, but he did not apologise, he showed no emotions in fact, he had to keep it up.

Yet he just couldn’t bring himself to walk away again without making sure that you were alright.

Once you regained your balance you quickly went back up to him, your eyes boring a hole into his face given the intensity you were staring at him.

“What happened? What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this again? Hoseok told me something happened to you at home. I’m guessing it has to do with your Dad, seeing that you are here brooding over ice cream. Right? You are not going anywhere until you answer at least one of my questions.”

“The club, I’m going to the club. You asked where I was going just now, so I've answered one of your questions. Happy now?”, he said begrudgingly.

You gaped at his attempt to escape, and you could already start to feel the pain quaking your heart from watching him put up his defences again.

“Is this how it’s going to be? Fine, then I'll try to figure this out myself”, you declared as you took two steps closer to him, bringing your face so close to his chest that he could feel your breathing. You took his left hand in both of yours. Surprisingly you didn’t feel that much worse, your heart still hurt that much but your body hurt a little more than your heart did.

He froze for two seconds, perhaps three, because he wanted to feel your hands holding his just that much longer. But eventually he tried to hurl your hands off.

You were relentless, however, gripping onto his hand tightly. You lifted your head to look him right in his eyes, and he froze again. He knows you must be feeling it too, and he knows how horrible it feels. But he wants to hold onto you, he wants you to hold him like that. That is selfish of him, right?

As time trickled, the feelings within you also built up; a feeling that reminded you of the times he first touched you but so much worse, like it was now piercing and clawing holes into you. Only this time you were certain – you couldn’t tell the difference anymore, which feeling was his, and which was your own. Which feelings came from you grasping his hand and which you felt just by seeing him broken like this.

You didn’t even realise that a tear was rolling down the corner of your eye. All you could see was the depths of hollowness in his. Even then you wanted to know, what this feeling truly meant to him.

But he couldn’t bear to watch you any longer and with one forceful jolt, he yanked his hands out of yours finally. You staggered from the force and he fought hard to stop himself from reaching out to you again.

“Leave me alone, Y/N. You of all people don’t need someone like me around. Ignore me like you said you would. Don’t come looking for me like this again”, he didn’t think he was capable of feeling any worse up until this moment. Pushing you away like this made him hate everything even more, the darkness pooling inside his mind overwhelming himself.

“Stop telling me to leave, I’m not leaving until you tell me what is wrong!”, you rebuked with such determination.

“I need you to leave!”, he suddenly shouted, “I would rather all of you leave me when I tell you to, at least then... I can tell myself...”, he paused, covering his face with his hand, trying to maintain his façade. He closes his eyes, swallows hard and inhales harshly as he tries to push all his emotions back inside.

“Just leave, Y/N. If you are hurt too... I hate it...*”

(*너까지 아프면 싫어...)

And it dawns on you now. He was pushing you away. He didn’t want to have anybody. He was afraid of losing them. That feeling – it was not sorrow or anger. It was the trauma of abandonment, the feeling of loneliness, the pain of desolation.

You walked up to him yet another time, unyieldingly. Just like the benign wind of the night, your arms wrapped around him. You slowly pulled yourself close to him, resting your forehead on his shoulder.

“Even if it hurts, I’m not leaving.”

---

♫ “You wanna hurt yourself, I’ll stay with you.

You wanna make yourself go through the pain,

It’s better to be held than holding on...” ♫

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snkpolls · 5 years

Text

SnK S3E15 Poll Results (Anime Only Viewer Version)

The poll closed with 84 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 65 Responses

This episode got overall positive responses from the fandom, with nearly all votes at a 4-5 rating. Can WIT keep up this momentum?

Another fantastic episode.

intense

Stressful

Rude

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 64 Responses

The favorite moment of the episode inarguably goes to Bertolt activating his Bertl Bomb™! Closely behind is the short Mikasa vs. Bertolt conflict, and in third place is Annie’s hesitance to assist in killing Marco.

Reiner was right, Bertholdt really was the strongest warrior of their so-called "hometown", able to fend himself off from an Ackermann.

Wow Bertholdt is really strong, he completely dominated Mikasa in their fight.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE APETITAN AND YOUSEEBIGGIRL REARRANGES? 61 Responses

72% of respondents were thrilled to hear new versions of familiar songs from Sawano, feeling that the new versions were totally epic. Nearly 20% still prefer the originals, although they agree the new versions sounded cool.

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT THE RECENT EARLY EPISODE LEAKS? 63 Responses

54% of respondents weren’t even aware that leaks of the episode had happened. 23% aren’t happy about the leaks happening, while 15% don’t really care.

Great. I hate sunday releases

WHO WON THE SHOUTING MATCH? 63 Responses

With nearly ¾ of the vote, Bertolt is deemed the winner of the shouting match on the rooftops!

Armin should have asked Bombholdt why they wanted to kill all humans.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT BERTOLT’S DEVELOPMENT AT THIS POINT? 64 Responses

40% of respondents are glad to see how far he’s developed as a character. 26% are just happy to have his thoughts and more lines from him, and narrowly behind at 25% people are curious to see what will become of his character.

He’s progressed but in the way of the warriors. The more he’s with beasty and Reiner the more cold hearted he becomes.

i still hate him with all my heart

Bertholdt with conviction is really badass. He’s actually interesting now.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT ARMIN BLUFFING ABOUT ANNIE A SECOND TIME? 64 Responses

A whopping 60% of respondents believe that Armin should have known better than to try manipulating Bertolt’s feelings for Annie to his benefit again, while the remaining 37% feel that it was worth another shot.

I think in Armin’s scenario he couldn’t think of another bluff that quickly so he resorted back to Annie, knowing that there was a chance it wouldn’t pay off.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT CGI COLOSSAL TITAN? 63 Responses

With a surprising divide between positive and negative reactions, 42% of viewers are pleased with the CGI render of the Colossal Titan, labeling it as “awesome.” Closely behind, 30% feel that it’s very “meh.”

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE 104TH RIDING ON TITAN EREN? 64Responses

Fanart becomes a reality as the 104th take a ride on Eren’s titan form! 42% of viewers found this detail adorable, 29% think it’s pretty neat, and 20% don’t think much of it either way.

WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN IT WAS REVEALED THAT ALL OF THE WARRIOR TRIO WERE INVOLVED IN MARCO’S DEATH? 64 Responses

Much to the pollster’s delight, it seems that Reiner’s brief flashback from season 2 didn’t spoil it for everyone! A solid 25% of viewers had expected that each of them played a part in Marco’s death. 20% of viewers were genuinely surprised by the reveal. 18% picked up on the clue from season 2.

FUCK. REINER. BERTOLT. AND ANNIE.

I excepted all 3 to be involved but I DIDN’T expect them to care about killing Marco.

I loved seeing that Annie actually cared and didn’t want to take Marco’s ODM gear.

DO YOU THINK THE WARRIOR TRIO COULD HAVE NEGOTIATED WITH MARCO WITHOUT KILLING HIM? 63 Responses

The overwhelming majority believe that Reiner and Bertolt were right to believe that negotiation with Marco wasn’t possible. 14% of respondents aren’t sure either way, and 12% feel they could have come to an understanding.

THE WARRIORS TALK ABOUT AN “EVIL RACE” AND JUST WANTING TO “END IT.” WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS? 63 Responses

Nearly half of respondents believe that there’s someone above the warriors who wants humanity to perish. 20% believe that shifters are a different race than the rest of humanity in the walls, and 19% believe everyone in the walls are of a certain race, and that is why the warriors are trying to kill them. In retrospect, we should have left an option for write in answers. :P

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SIGNIFICANCE OF REINER’S WORDS ABOUT HIS PROMISE TO YMIR ARE, IF ANY? 63 Responses

42% of respondents feel that Reiner’s desire to fulfill his promise to Ymir stem from mixed motivations. 20% believe that he genuinely just wants to save Historia, and 19% believe that he’s doing it as a way to repay her for saving them.

I feel like he’s honoring her last wish. (My theory is the Quadruped Titan night have eaten her)

REINER SURVIVED THE THUNDER SPEAR ATTACK BY TRANSFERRING HIS CONSCIOUSNESS AGAIN - THOUGHTS? 64 Responses

Over half of the fandom feel that Reiner’s abilities are simply born from plot armor. At much smaller percentages, 15% of respondents feel that it’s a reasonable explanation for his survival, 12% think it’s a super cool feature of his titan, and 10% aren’t really bothered about it.

Again, I think this is how shifting works. If your consciousness is transferred to your body then you transform, but if your mind and body are disconnected (by cutting off the nape) you die.

whatever, i just hate him with all my heart

WHAT IS THE FATE OF HANGE’S SQUAD? 63 Responses

44% of respondents are certain that most of the soldiers with Hange were killed in the blast, with maybe a couple of survivors. 30% are slightly more optimistic about the survival numbers, but ultimately feel most of them didn’t escape the blast. 15% are certain that all of them have perished, and a small 9% are optimistic about their fates.

I hate that I have to wait until Sunday to see what happened to Hange’s squad.

DO YOU THINK THE 104TH WILL BE ABLE TO DEFEAT BERTOLT? 62 Responses

43% of respondents have faith that the 104th will be able to outdo Bertolt somehow and defeat him. 29% don’t want to say confidently either way, and 17% already know what happens.

HOW HAVE YOU OPINIONS ON THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS CHANGED?

After this episode, Marco, Bertolt, Annie and Armin got large boost in regards to how well liked they are among respondents. Meanwhile, Reiner took the biggest hit, with more people finding him less favorable than more favorable, although most opinions remained unchanged. The Beast Titan, now known as Zeke, got a boost in terms of favorability. Mikasa remained mainly unchanged, but also received a good boost in favorability this episode.

BARREL BOY BEST (problematic) BOY

Jean and Mikasa are the only ones with resolve. Reiner and Bert are from the past

It feels like each character is acting realistically. They are on opposite sides of a war that they don't understand but were thrust into

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

It’s nice. Bertolt’s tranformation scene was really epic... but Hange squad might be dead... T.T

I think they could of done a better job in going into more depth about the plan? And i wish they didn't leave us hanging with what happened to Hange's squad

This may be a long one so buckle up. (im sorry)

Okay, so first off I didn’t know that quadrupedal titan could speak so that totally caught me off guard. Secondly, having seen the Lost Girls OVA, I expected Annie and at least someone else to be involved with Marco’s death. I feel really bad for Annie (and Bertolt, but mostly Annie) because it was obvious she didn’t want to kill Marco. Also Reiner’s split personality thing??? Anyways, I’m happy we finally got to see the beadt titan shifter, he kinda looks like Grisha though. The thing with Bert and Reiner was great. The Bert vs Armin yelling battle was great as well. I’m super excited for the next episode! This one was so good.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 60 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

#snk spoilers #snk s3 #snk poll #snk polls #poll results

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table-top-romulan-playing-games · 5 years

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Movies I have seen so far in 2018

A few of these arent new movies, just ones ive watched for the first time in 2018. I felt like doing this cuz I really love watching movies and felt that it might be a good version of those "good things" jars, but instead it's movies I saw. Some reviews are short, mostly cuz I didnt really have much in the way of opinions, but I did have something to say.

Just incase you havent seen them. I have tried to keep them spoiler free, but if you dont want even vague non spoiler spoilers, the list of movies is as follows;

The Grand Budapest; The greatest showman; Jumanji: out of the jungle, King Arthur: legend of the sword, The Black Panther, Shape of water, Thor Ragnarok, the Emoji Movie, the Good Dinosaur, Jurassic world, Incredibles 2, Hotel Transylvania 3, Ant-man, A Wrinkle in Time, Lara croft: tomb raider, Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, Spider-man homecoming, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged), Captain America civil war, Avengers Infinty War, Deadpool 2016, King Arthur the one with kiera knightly, Deadpool 2, The Nutcracker, four realms, Venom, Love, Simon, Ready player one, Aquaman, Solo, a star wars story, Ghost stories (2018), Wreck it Ralph, Ralph breaks the internet, Goosebumps 2, Hidden figures, The meg, Pacific Rim, Pacific rim uprising, Wrath of the Titans, Mission impossible: fallout,Oceans 8, The Breadwinner, Mune, Operation Finale, The House With A Clock In Its Walls, Bad times at the El Royale, Outlaw king, Gnome alone, Journey to the center of the earth, Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, Vvitch, Ex machina, To all the boys ive loved before, Extraordinary Tales, The Golden Compass, Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil, Dragon heart, The black klansman, Robin Hood 2018, The Princess of Thieves, First Man, Bohemian Rhapsody, What we do in the Shadows, Overlord, For the Love of Spock, Next Gen, Small Foot, The Spy who Dumped Me, The Nun, Kin, Crazy Rich Asians, Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse, A simple favor, Predator 2018, Rampage, 47 meters down, 2036 Origin Unknown, 2001 A Space Oddessey, The Martian

The grand Budapest hotel - good, great visuals. I enjoyed it.

The greatest showman - wonderful music, actual circus parts were good, the rest was boring. Its really short, and I felt it focused to much on the drama in pt barnums life, too much focus on a silly fuax love triangle, not enough on the acts themselves. I went in hoping to see the acts interact and actually be presented as the forefront. The beginning showed this magnificent scene with the acts, with this wonderful musical number that made me tear up. But then, it was just about Barnum and his kids being boring most of the time. The songs and musical scenes though? Absolutely wonderful, magnificent, stunning, and entertaining. Zendayas and Zac efrons characters duets? Beautiful, I loved the song and choreography. I just feel like the emphasis should have been on the circus itself. Hugh jackman. Needs. To. Do. More. Musicals.

Jumanji: out of the jungle - hilarious omg I laughed my ass off!

King Arthur: legend of the sword: wtf was this movie bro? I mean. I have a new song in my cars playlist, but wtf.

The Black Panther - IT WAS SO COOL! I loved the visuals and the storyline. Shuri is my favorite genius and I can’t wait for more Black Panther

Shape of water: absolutely beautiful omg

Thor Ragnarok: you mean that was the actual movie, that tumblr wasn’t just fuckin with me, like, those were real ass scenes that were filmed?

the Emoji Movie: bad, forgettable, literally did not remember watching it till a friend asked me.

the Good Dinosaur: literally a children's movie, idek why I watched it tbh

Jurassic world: THE HUBRIS OF MAN! THE INDO RAPTOR! BLUE! They made... An indoraptor. Not just any raptor, oh no, that's not enough for the hubris of man, its an indoraptor. What's an indoraptor you may ask? Well it's when you mix a raptor, with the indominous rex DNA. But Cotie, didn't the indominous rex already have raptor DNA? Wasnt that the whole thing that it was a t-rex with raptor DNA? Yes, yes it was. But this one is different, it's smaller, it's smarter, it made to obey commands like a war machine, it's the I N D O R A P T O R! So it's just a super powered velociraptor? Yes, yes it is. So what makes it special? THE HUBRIS BEHIND IT!

Incredibles 2: awesome! I loved it! Those flashing scenes really were no joke though. I don't have epilepsy, but damn those scenes were hard to look at. But I absolutely love the fact that edna babysat jack jack for a night, and gave him a super babysuit. I hope we get to see more of the other superheroes helping out the incredibles!

Hotel Transylvania 3: it was a good movie. Its the only Adam Sandler movie series I can stand, but it was a decent movie. I like the introduction of the van helsing family, and the whole premise. Plus I love the message that its possible to fall in love again.

Ant-man: "in like the Flynn" niiiiiiiiice Tangled ref! "ANT-THONY!!!!" Ok that was a fun and hilarious movie. I fucking love the three wombats, especially Luis omg. Also I love Scott lang relationship with his daughter and that he was the driving force behind his motivation. Also not gonna lie, I kinda watched this one so I could go see Ant-man and the Wasp, but I liked this one too.

A Wrinkle in Time: FUCK ITUNES NOT WANTING TO WORK DURING THIS MOVIE! ok but Chris Pine as a Dad? Awesome. "Happy anniversary, if only you'd dissapear too" wow, these high school preps are viscous. Also I love the little kid calling out grown ups for being pieces of shits. Also this movie was adorable and heart felt and I loved the mix of fantasy and science that made it a science fantasy movie omg.

Lara croft: tomb raider: ok but the girl who kicked Lara crofts butt in the beginning has me gay as Fuck man. "OPEN IT! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!" OK calm down Nicolas cage.

Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2: omg that was indeed another real marvel movie I had just seen. I can't believe the stooges are a space family that just, does stupid things. I love them all.

We gonna start some parralels; a wrinkle in time - a movie about two siblings trying to find their dad who has been lost for 4 years. They get him back through the power of love; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - a daughter finds some adverturing stuff to lead her to her father who had been missing for 7 years. Tries to get him back by killing men. Doesn't, and then kills more men; Gaurdians of the Galaxy volume 2: a boy finds his father after 34 years, but turns out he is a huge fucking jerk, also finds that Mary poppins was his dad after all, but then both Mary poppins and jerk dad died, with varying degrees of mourning from Boy.

Spider-man homecoming: omg so many second hand embarrassment scenes but it was so good! I laughed my ass off at the ending omg tony no. But also, that awkward moment when ur dates dad threatens your life and he actually meant it...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Dude. Duuuuuuude that end credit scene. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. That movie was just as hilarious as the first ant-man movie omg! It was fun and incredibal and I'm so happy the 3 combats were there. I was losing my shit over the baba yaga stuff!

Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged): god, I'm 9 minutes in and I hate this movie... 13 minutes in an ur telling me this could've been avoided if marvel hadnt turned two Romani (from what I remember of mutant canon) characters into, not only human expirements instead of mutants, but voluntary hydra agents. -sighhhh-... 20 minutes in and why, why Tony, just... Tell the team, why do we gotta have lazy 'i dont wanna communicate' writing bullshit...Jarrrrrviiiiissssss my boy T.T... Did they really just try to make dissimising female characters and using their achievements as a sort of 'my horse is bigger than yours' as quality character writing? God this Bruce/Nat romance is so forced... Oh no, Ultron fucking appeared, why does he sound like a bad Tony stark impression? Ultron is fucking annoying... Fuck man, the plot with the twins have arrived, and I hate it... -mentions Wakanda- thanks for reminding of a better movie I could be watching... God, the acting is either way too dry, or way too ham... Wow... Clint is... The most mature person in the movie... Wow, the scene where Nat reveals she is infertile, is worse than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be awful... Hour and a half in, still bad... Though ultron is now acting like a c h i l d... Oh no, now we creating Ultron 2.0 this time its Jarvis... Please discuss it with the team, pleeeease... Annnnnnnd U didn't... Fuck... I'm so tired, 1 hour and 31 minutes and the team is fighting... Thor coming in for the jarvis Saaaave! Yassss vision with the worthy of the hammer! Okay the battle scene with ultron was pretty cool. Still dont like the movie over all.

Captain America civil war: not as much fighting as advertised. Too much 'we arent going to sit down and communicate' trope. Honestly I was too bored and tired to really actually pay attention to closely... All I got from it is the russos need to learn what a get along shirt is and be better film makers.

Avengers Infinty War: wtf, what the fuck, was that. That was some fuck right there. You are telling me thanos was really able to get the soul stone like That? And the mind stone like That? And all that other bull shit? Y'all Russo better be ready to have thanos ass kick in the next avengers movie. But damn that was some shit that happened.

Deadpool 2016: I loved every bit of the movie omg, it was everything I hoped for out of a deadpool movie.

King Arthur the one with kiera knightly: That uh, sure was a King Arthur movie? Way less weird than King Arthur Legend of the sword. Merlin didnt cast magic, and arthur was a Roman, but guinevere is a kick ass archer, soooo acceptable...

Deadpool 2: THAT WAS FUCKIN HILARIOUS I LOVE DEADPOOL SO MUCH! god I love this movie, I would die for dominoe.

The Nutcracker, four realms: such a cute af movie omggggggggggggg. I loved Captain Phillip the nutcracker soldier and the gold highlight they put on his lips 💓

Venom: listen. I did no t see this film for quality. I saw it for the symbi ote ok. Ok. I lov it. But blease for the love of god.... Y.... Did...... The......... Symbiote........ Take the shape of a sexy comic book lady..... When........ The same sexyness could have been achieved by letting the symbiote be big beefy orc like lady....

Love, Simon: I'm not one for these films... I dont like these films... They are teary eyed wholesome cake frosting that make my cold gay heart sick... That being said... I relate, I relate so much... Also... If I was in simons shoes and the blackmailing weasle Martin outed me? They would still be scraping him off the pavement... That is all.

Ready player one: it wasn’t as bad as some of the things i heard about it on tumblr, but its not one I will watch again.

Aquaman: "show off, heh, I could've just pee'd on it" is the exact quality line I want out of my films. Also that was soooooooo awesome! I loved it! More Aquaman!

Solo, a star wars story: Not bad, but not great, it kept on plot really well, not memorable but I won’t knock it. I still say the actor playing Han Solo looks photoshopped and not real.

Ghost stories (2018): awful... It was slow and boring, and I didnt like it... I rented it through itunes and it glitched part of the way through and I stopped being able to see the picture. Even after I got it working again I still didnt like it... Though I did like the message of "dont be a bystander", but the whole this was boriiiiiinnnnnnnggggggggggg.

Wreck it Ralph: okay, technically I caught the beginning like 4 or 5 years ago, but I finally actually watched it and it wasnt bad. Will go see the sequel.

Ralph breaks the internet: WAYYYYYY better than the emoji movie, also, I really loved the princesses scene, the bright colors, and following Venelope through the internet... Also.... Ralph........ WTF..................... Also............................. that Stan Lee cameo.................................... Heartbreaking............

Goosebumps 2: Mr. Chu and his Halloween obsession is me... Stones appearence had me dying omg... Also where tf r ppl getting these awesome super cool Halloween stuffs!

Hidden figures: IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING! omg such a great movie i fucking loved it. Couldnt understand a WORD of math that went on, but damn girls, calculate that shit.

The meg: listen... Listen... The trailer looked stupid... And ridiculous... I just... Wanted to know how bad... And it was bad... But it was incredibally enjoyable omg... I loved it... In all seriousness, it was actually a pretty beautiful movie when it came to marine life and the wonder behind it, and it was anti shark culling for fins, and it was very clearly "not all sharks are bad, they do as they do, but megalodon is about to fuck our shit up."... It was also fucking hilarious... My favorite character was meiying, the little 8 year old in the movie... The love plot wasnt forced and they way they did it the two leads were not having it and had actual chemistry... Just... Also the dog... The dog does not die... Pippin lives... The wedding is not ruined... Also the shark ate a billionaire soooooooo... We good meg... We good...

Pacific Rim: yes I know, I took a long ass time to watch this movie... But Listen... Explody robots and monsters... Hannibal chau... Look... I just... Sometimes take a long time to watch movies... You wanna know how long it took me to watch Merlin BBC? I watched every episode as it came out and then put off the last episode for 5 years... Listen...

Pacific rim uprising: ok I watched the first one so I could watch the one with my boi John Boyega in it.

Wrath of the Titans: wtf kind of movie... Like really what the f... Since when is zues ever responsible and wise.

Mission impossible, fallout: I liked it. It's an action movie. Saw it for my birthday, kinda interested in the other mission impossible movies now. I appreciate the advance tech and the obviously stupid impossible shit.

Oceans 8: Listen, i have never been interested in the Oceans franchise, i dont want to see crusty men steal things, but lads, im gay. Extremely gay, just, shamelessly gay.

The Breadwinner: holy shit that was a good movie.

Secret of the Kells: eh, it was a good movie. Not my favorite, but it was good. I mostly just like the animation.

Mune: Guardian of the Moon: dat was a cute movie, and also i loved Munes Design, he is a little fawn

Operation Finale: Wow, that was an amazing film, absolutely superb. Not at all like the trailers. Seriously, what is it and trailers where everything has to either be an high stakes action movie or a romantic comedy? but this film, spectacular.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls: A Neat little movie. Corny, but i liked it. like, its a kids movie in the same way A Wrinkle In Time is, but this one was little less disney-fied in the way that they needed to have this overarching lesson of empowerment, and more “this is a kids movie to enjoy, like Halloweentown”

Bad times at the El Royale: neat movie, somewhat engaging, kept losing focus at the slow parts... Liked the Chapter title cards... Can't remember who that "important person" was supposed to be.... I think I may have missed it...

Outlaw king: I liked it! Way better than Braveheart! Also.... Cpine was not that naked.... Butt....

Gnome alone: weird, didn't like it, like a bad combo of Mean Girls and Coraline?

Journey to the center of the earth: I said old movies were gonna be on this list now didnt I? Also this movie was awesome and I wish the book was real too.

Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Nice!!! I had been meaning to read the book before I watched the movie, but I've packed my book away soooo, MOVIE. Also out of all thw sci fi movies that have destroyed planets, this is by far the only good one.

Vvitch: it was okay... By the middle I was kinda wishing it would go faster. But it was okay.

Ex machina: I'm not done with the movie yet but it's so fucking creepy holy shit... Also "its kinda non-autistic" in relation to "aware of her own mind and mine"???? Wtffffffff.uggggghhhhhhhhhh ewwwweeweeewewweeeewwwwwww the talk about giving the robot a sexuality is so grooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss he gave her a working vag and hearing him talk about fucking the robot was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Mmmmmmmm no, did not like.

To all the boys ive loved before: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Also that sibling relationship was..... Relatable.

Extraordinary Tales: tales based on Edgar Allen Poe and holy sweet Jesus I loved it, it has multiple different art styles per story and I loved them soooooo much!

The Golden Compass: okay but how could you end on that cliffhanger and not at least put out another movie????

Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil: based on Basque folklore which I know nothing of, but it looked neat. It's also originally in basque but netflix has the English dub over. AND HOLY SWEET JESUS I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY BUT THE VOICE OVERS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Dragon heart: I didnt like it, there were better movies I could have seen, I'm not gonna reach for this one again...

The Black Klansman: Damn, I might very well be speechless. That was a Fantastic Movie, came at you like a bag of Bricks, and the ending when it went straight from a cross burning to the 2017 neo nazi rallies, to trumps “good people on both sides” speech, to everything that happened in 2017. The movie did NOT fuck around with anything. God Bless.

Robin Hood, 2018: Antifa film of the YEAR! Yeah Robin, Be a Class Traitor to the ruling class, Spread Wealth, Down with the 1%!

The Princess of Thieves: OMG Kiera Knightly as the daughter of robin and also a kick ass archer that causes trouble!!!! Loved it!

First Man: dude that movie was incredible, it read like you were seeing snapshots of his life, not completely invested, but as though you were a spirit looking at memories. I kinda liked it. I loved the silent scenes that filled the viewer with anxiety, like a realization of the gravity of what was happening. Omg. Good film A+

Bohemian Rhapsody: OMG I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMGOMGOMGOMG MY QUEER HEART IS RESTORED AND THEY SAID BISEXUAL!!!!!

What we do in the Shadows: that was an enjoyable movie. I didn't quite like the reality show format but it was funny!

Overlord: That was a great movie! it had decently fast pacing, which is good that it was only an hour and forty-eight minutes long... They Plot-Ex-Machina’d alot of the movie, like the wounded soldier feeling fine for the main firefight, then remembering he was supposed to be wounded all of a sudden. I watched it with a friend who saw one character, turned to me and said “He’s cute, i hope he doesnt die” one (1) second before a landmine went off. Also, Ghouls created by science rather by supernatural means.

For the Love of Spock: -cries like a big baby-

Next Gen: screams of anti-tech ideals... Also.... Damn...... They are channeling the "addiction to iPhones" angle man, like, villianous angle...

Small Foot: Not bad, At least it was a Short movie, or at least it didnt feel like it was dragging on. The Songs were great though, I actually liked them and at least they were written for the movie and not like, a song that already existed...

The Spy who Dumped Me: I rented it through iTunes and it gave some Ukrainian nuts swangin in my face...

The Nun: it was okay, but let maurice theirult be a lesson; u see some creepy haunted shit, you grab a cross and you walk away. You dont go back to play hero, cuz then you get possessed.

Kin: there is a line in the movie that says "you got a decade of bad decisions under your belt" and I feel like that sums of this movies plot points...

Crazy Rich Asians: that was so gooooood! I don't normally go for romcoms, but ppl had been praising the film, and I actually liked it. I'm glad I saw the majong scene explain before I actually watched the scene, because it felt a shit ton more powerful.

Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse: AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! the animation was TOP NOTCH, like, omg!

A simple favor: I didnt like it... It tried to be both a thriller and what seemed like a parody of a thriller.

Predator, 2018: I kinda liked it, it was a mindless action movie, and the ending left it open for a badass sequal. I havent seen the other predator movies so I have no idea if this is in faith for the series, but im guessing yes.

The Martian: It was cool and chill, I liked it, also Mark Watney cussing out a government agency via a hundred thousand dollar communications outlet is.... Mood.

47 meters down: 2hrs of one woman having an absolute panic attack and being right to worry about sketchy diving boats.

2036 Origin Unknown: kinda what I feel like 2001 a space Oddessey wouldve been like if I had actually watched that movie... Oh shit the Borg!

2001 A Space Oddessey: Have I ever told y'all that I dont like Kubrick or his movies? His movies are the epitome of that pretentious art school boi style that just does too much and tries to pretend it's more than it is and sweet merciful god why is this one 2 and a half hours long! I'm 40 minutes in and I have a head ache from the over ise of classical music and boring slow pace of the movie. 2001 a space Oddessey is 2 and a half hours long and only has 1 hr of actual relevant film... The other 1 1/2 is just unending, weirdly colored space shots, two color inversion shots of planets and eyes, theremin and flute noises, and classical music set to nothingness

RAMPAGE: a 30ft alligator showed up about an hour and 10minutes into the movie and the first reaction was "well that sucks" and it killed me on sight. The movie is awesome! In am so glad I picked this as my last movie of 2018.

#Year of Movies #Movie List #Movie List 2018 #New Years

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writefasttalkevenfaster · 6 years

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Congrats on 1k!!!! You deserve it because you are truly a gifted writer! Could I request a hc on how Barba would feel as his wife being the defense attorney that is on the same case as him. Would it affect how he argues the case?

Omg you are so sweet! Thank you so much!!

Disclaimer: This would never happen, since one of them would have to recuse themselves from the case, since it’s a HUGE conflict of interest, but let’s bend the rules of the realities of the American legal systems a bit why don’t we ;).

Rafael Barba was used to squaring off against the usual attorneys, the usual victims of his legal prowess and wit, so to speak.

There was Rita Calhoun, who he did miss working with when she was on their side, but it made all the more thrilling when he could one up her. Especially when he got to rub it in over drinks.

There was Buchanan, who he utterly despised the presence of, as the man knew every dirty defense attorney trick in the book, and then some.

And then there was you, a general nuisance with cheap paperwork tricks that kept him digging, and brilliant defenses that always had him considering deals, and sometimes taking them. The defense attorney that always managed to poke holes in his case: and then in his defenses, making it past to his heart.

He did marry you after all.

But there came the day he was kept waiting and waiting for Rita Calhoun to arrive, as you sat in the gallery, waiting for this arraignment to be over, so the two of you could grab lunch.

“Judge, the People are not opposed to a continuance, we all have lives that we would like to return to,” As he spared another apologetic glance at you, catching the Judge’s attention.

“Don’t you work at the same firm as Rita, Mrs. Barba?” And your attention snapped from Rafael to the Judge. “Could you handle this arraignment?”

Rafael looked helplessly on, as you tried to keep an ounce of decorum, “Judge, wouldn’t that be inappropriate, considering-” But the Judge waved you off, explaining that it would be a greater injustice for this man’s trial to be rescheduled a fourth time, then it would for you to service as his arraignment lawyer.

And it seemed he left you no choice, as Rafael shrugged, his attention snapping to the front, as he lost the demeanor of a caring husband, and assumed his prosecutorial stance. You were not his wife at this moment, but his adversary. “How does the defendant plead?” You whispered with your client for a few seconds, before clearing your throat.

“Not guilty, Your Honor,” You answered.

“People on bail?” And Rafael shifted his gears into action.

“People request remand, Your Honor, the defendant is a flight risk, he was caught by detectives boarding a plane to Azerbaijan, a country not currently cooperating with U.S. extradition, he has connections both in and out of the country, and no real connections to the community.” Rafael replied, his prepared speech rolling off the tongue just as he had prepared this morning. He would get remand no problem. Or so he thought, until he saw a small smile curling on your lips.

“Your Honors, my client was caught boarding a plane to Azerbaijan for a business trip, not to escape the country. He had no idea he was under suspicion for his wife’s murder and rape, as the detectives gave him no indication of any sort. And as for connections to the community, how about his daughter, who is right now in custody, but patiently waiting for her dad to be bailed out? To ask that this man be given remand would be a disservice to justice, especially after his hearing has been rescheduled how many times now, on top of having ill-prepared attorney now?” You crossed your arms. “Ordering remand on top of these circumstances would be a greater miscarriage of justice than if we rescheduled this arraignment another two times.”

And the Judge considered your argument, “I agree, your client must surrender his passport, and wear an ankle bracelet, confined within his home. He also has to cough up $50,000 for bail. Court is adjourned.”

And Rafael stood there, jaw hanging on the ground, as you shook hands with a man whose case you had been familiar with all of two minutes.

And though court was adjourned, your time facing off with him in the courtroom sure wasn’t.

As when you returned home from your firm, you had some news: they wanted you to stay on the case, as your now client, did not trust anyone else at your firm, much less any other attorney.

Great, Rafael thought, holding his head, He would get to relive his early days of getting his ass handed to him by you.

Noticing his pouting, you chuckled, “I’m starting to think half the reason you married me was so I couldn’t be on the other side of aisle.” Your arms looped around his neck, as his hung around your waist, pulling you taut against his body.

He placed a sweet kiss on your lips, a wicked smirk pulling at his lips. “Half? More like the entire reason.”

And with that Rafael had to start the case from scratch, b/c he knew you of all people weren’t going to give him an easy time.

You had been working day and night on the case, leaving some morning before 6 AM and returning well after 5 PM.

And it didn’t help that most days, you came home with a grin on your face, which unnerved him more than many of clients ever could.

He needed some more evidence and he needed it yesterday.

The trial started off with opening statements, and he did his usual spiel as always, but when it was your turn to get up, he quickly realized that this was not going to be difficult as he thought: it was much, much worse.

But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Within your opening statement, you had changed more than half the jury’s minds.

Calling witnesses was no better, as you managed to tear apart their backgrounds from mouth to anus, and by the end, he wasn’t sure how much of a case they had.

He had managed to bring it back with Carisi’s testimony along with the physical evidence, but you managed to sneak reasonable doubt into every other element in the crime, including the Prentice’s numerous affairs, business scandals, and overall dislikable demeanor.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the Jury, everything Mr. Barba said is true: Mr. Prentice is a scoundrel, a crook, and a cheat, but he is not a rapist not is he a murderer. Most of us handle our relationships as we do our business. There is a fine line, between personal and public,” You spared a glance at your husband, who simply rose an eyebrow, as he scrawled notes on his legal pad. “And that line should never be breached, but today it was, in the name of justice. But there would be no greater injustice than to place this man in jail. Mr. Prentice had no apparent reason to murder or rape his wife; they were going to counseling, she had no idea that her husband was cheating, in his business or in their marriage, so why kill her? Mr. Barba presented all this supposed evidence and framed around her husband, but what really differentiates this man’s picture from any other? Motive. And that’s the one thing Mr. Barba doesn’t seem to have an explanation for. If the frames are all the same, then the crime always fits. And though everything Mr. Barba said is true, but if we charge Mr. Prentice with this crime, then what could stop the state from charging you, or you, or you?” You stopped in from the jury foreman, turning on your heel to face them. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

And the verdict came around soon enough, three days spent inside, only to pop out and say they were deadlocked. And then finally, the call came.

He watched as you entered the court, striding in with heels clicking against the marble floor. As you stood, you laid a comforting hand on your client’s shoulder, whispering some reassuring words in his ear. And he couldn’t help but smile.

He remembered when he asked you why you had become a defense attorney, instead of a prosecutor, and you had paused, as he saw the façade and barriers melt away to real emotion, as you glanced up from your drink, and said: “No man, woman, or even child, wakes up one day and wants to commit murder. They are driven to it, by circumstances, mental illness, or abuse. And I believe they deserve a fair shake in court, the state already has so much power, and it won’t have me as a public servant, but as a worthy adversary.”

And as the Judge told you to rise with the verdict, he saw you rise with your client, bearing the burden of the verdict together. “Madam Forewoman, what say you?” And she paused, looking up as she read from the note card.

“We, the jury find the defendant…” And Rafael knew whatever the verdict, he would be content, because you were his adversary.

And he was so glad that he was worthy of being your husband.

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