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islandpcosjourney · 7 months

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IVF/ICSI Day 11

2nd October 2023

🥚 Egg collection 🥚

Tonight will be a short one, I'm hoping, as I feel quite spaced out and pretty rubbish if I'm honest.

I have felt so much Grace surrounding today's events and I am told that I was constantly thanking and being grateful to the staff at the unit for it - more of that for a giggle later!

After a disturbed sleep overnight (just clock-watching from around 2am) and some unwelcome, subconscious anxiety surrounding the day's unknowns, I was very grumpy when Mum came into my room at 5.20am asking if I was awake and getting up, when my alarm wasn't meant to be going off until 5.45am 😂 She hadn't realised, or I should say she'd temporarily forgotten, that I wasn't to wear make-up, jewellery or perfume (strong scents can cause harm to the eggs when they're exposed during collection - who knew!) so therefore I wasn't needing my usual "time to get ready". I had packed my essentials already (dressing gown, crocs, needles/sharps box to return, choc brioche treat for after etc) so all I needed to do was get up, get dressed, have a final cup of tea & go - not the usual Màiri routine in the morning I can tell you 🤪 But when I got up, I was apologetic of my outburst and she seemed in very good form considering she'd also been awake most of the night (unfortunately a side-effect from her fibromyalgia so she's permanently exhausted 🥴).

We were very grateful to Calum for also getting up early to drive us up to Dundee because I needed to be there for 8.15am so we had to leave by 6.30am to be safe. We arrived in plenty time and found a new car-park (number 7) where the drop-off area is.

We were in the unit by 8am and clearly before most of the reception staff were around because nobody was able to check us in 😉 Those who know me, I'm never early 😏 but once nursing staff came to call our names out we figured out we were being taken through in order of the surgery schedule, so I was 3rd on the list.

Basics were done such as checking my name, DOB, history, BP, temp, weight (only 0.5kg gained since baseline scan, which is not bad considering how full & bloated I have felt on the hormones - yay!). I didn't have to change into the very fetching gown until nearer the time so I could just sit on the bed/chair and relax in my jumpsuit until I was told to change - very considerate. The nurse seemed very shocked when she asked what and when had I last eaten, that my response was "just a tiny bit of bread at communion last night" as I had attended the evening service at St C's, which was also communion - "aren't you starving?"...... "no, not at all, it was sufficient" 🥰 I'd had my last cup of spearmint tea on the journey up by 6.50am and I was then only allowed sips of water after 7am so she'd get me some water along-with paracetamol and an anti-sickness tablet. I then had to wait on the consultant, embryologist and anaesthetist to see me to sign for consent, discuss procedures and drugs etc. At every point, everyone was so smiley and caring and inclusive of Mum too, making her feel part of the process. I sometimes felt a bit rude being on my phone messaging Kevin but that feeling was always short-lived as he needed to feel part of the process too and being in constant communication was so important for that - plus if I hadn't messaged at the point when I was told things, I wouldn't have remembered later 🤦🏻‍♀️

Having the cannula fitted in my right hand was the usual EXCRUTIATING pain. I know, I sound like a drama queen here but honestly, of all the procedures I've had done over the years, including a 20cm x 8cm lipoma being surgically removed, cannulas are my BIG problem. It's not just when its fitted but it stings and burns constantly afterwards too. Mum was a bit put-off by seeing my feet & legs wiggling, thinking I was cold, but it was just how I dealt with the pain, honestly its the worst part of any hospital admission for me. But as Mum said, if that's the worst part then I never have to worry!

There were more documents to read, processes to learn about, forms to sign & drugs to hear about that it was all a bit over my head sometimes, and Mum's, but I felt so comfortable, supported and cared-for that I had nothing but pure joy running through my veins. Mum and I talked about passages of the Bible (the curtains were shut but conversations were not shut-out, so who knows who was able to hear) & what Dad might've made of all of this (supportive we're sure & no doubt patiently waiting in the car while having a wee norrag (sleep) - definitely 😂). I loved how fascinated Mum was by all of the processes, a very different nursing day from her's since her training over 50yrs ago and she was on the ball - “they haven't brought your paracetamol yet, or your water, or your anti-sickness tablet” 🤪 Once she heard of all the drugs they'd be giving me (an endless list I could not begin to regurgitate, not language I was used to and even Mum who could understand the basics of why each drug was being administered at which point, didn't recognise the names of them as they've changed so much) she was concerned that I was going to be too "out-of-it" to manage public transport on the way home but I assured her that we'd be fine - I knew God wouldn't throw anything my way that I couldn't manage!

Time to go! 1115 came faster than I anticipated, no boredom happened at any point, I mean who could be bored with Mum by their side chatting constantly 😁 and then to be honest I don't remember much after this! I'd been asked earlier to think about what music I'd like to hear in surgery (I hadn't known this was even going to be a thing) and my first reaction was to say ANYTHING. I told them I was a musician and would be happy with any genre (well, that's not entirely true, I cannot stand Kevin's heavy metal music 😵) but not for one second did I think that's what they'd choose to play 😂 - they didn't btw! No, by the time I got into the room I knew what I wanted - Stuart Townend. I wanted God with me in the room, publicly and openly. They didn't bat an eyelid but O don't think the anaesthetist had heard of him as she repeated "Stuart Townsend?" a common error people make about his surname but hopefully one she'll now remember 😏 I told them all that if my favourite Psalm 23 or In Christ alone were to come on, to turn up the volume and they laughed 🤩

"Keep you here" started playing and honestly what happened after that is all a blur.

🎶 For time is given, And time is taken away; The least that we can do Is make the most of every day. And we are given And we are taken away; The best that we can do Is give ourselves away 🎶

(I'm getting a bit weepy writing these lyrics down if I'm honest, for I believe every word and they were so comforting to hear as they put the breathing mask on me and began doing everything around me - that's now another favourite track of mine 🤩)

I wasn't being put to sleep, no, it was conscious sedation so I should've been aware of my surroundings to a certain extent. I do remember chatting away under my mask but I couldn't for the life of me tell you what about 😂 However, afterwards when I was awake again back in the ward, the nurses were having a giggle with us about just how chatty I was and how I kept thanking them all for their skills, their care, the gratefulness I had for all of their help - nice to know I have good manners even in my "sleep" 😇 Somethings coming back to me now, I definitely remember being asked how I felt at some point and responding with "I feel grand, the Lord is with me" - can't say when or who I was speaking to but I definitely remember saying it 🙏🏻

Back on the ward, I was aware of Mum telling me to rest but I was insistent on messaging Kev, reaching for my phone - "I'm ok out darling, I love you" - yeah, I was clearly still groggy and wasn't aware just how much 😂 for I love my grammar and write proper sentences, most of the time! The ACU counsellor came to see me, that was nice of her, I should've been seeing her at 1130 today, an appointment made weeks ago before we obviously knew I'd be in for egg collection and it was nice to meet her in person having only ever seen her online before. I'll see her tomorrow instead, online, once I've properly recovered. Mum had asked me in the waiting room if I'd gotten much out of seeing the counsellor and tbh I hadn't really, it was mostly helpful in the earlier months when we had MAJOR issues with lack of communication, mix ups with info being communicated and working out processes to put our minds at rest. In terms of "during" this actual cycle, I haven't seen her at all and I haven't needed it either for God is guiding me through this, nothing she could say will help that or even enforce that so it hasn't been required. People have talked about "IVF fairies" and the importance in speaking with others going through the same process and aside from having the Fertility Network WhatsApp group popping up in the background and some messages of support from ladies in that group, I haven't really needed to have anyone else to talk to to help me through this. I have Jesus - that’s all anyone should need. I write this blog which is very cathartic, my husband is my best friend & confidante, we’re in this together and our very supportive friends & family are backing us but it’s not what “gets me through”. It's only when your life is all about "WHY?" that one needs to lean on another for their "wisdom" in having gone through a similar process. Once you know the WHY in life - Jesus - you stop needing to look for the answers and instead they are given to you, gracefully.

(Gosh, I thought I'd said I hoped this would be a short one tonight 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Right, onwards! After tea, toast (always THE best tasting toast after surgery, with real butter, none of this "one molecule away from being plastic" margarine nonsense 🤪) and being able to go to the toilet, I could get dressed, learn about the progesterone gel I need to use for the next 20 days and I was ready to go home - yay!

Quick, straight into a taxi, off to the station, Kevin had worked out which trains were best to get, tickets bought, short wait and onto the train we were. Just over an hour later we were back in Edinburgh, Calum had realised he'd be finishing at a school nearby Haymarket around the same time we'd be arriving so he was able to pick us up and off on the last leg we went - Edinburgh road bumps and all 😫 this was where I was most aware of the pain I had while sitting down - ouchie. I was told I'd be tender, almost like a very heavy period for a number of days but this was the first time I'd ever thought that sitting on a doughnut pillow would have been helpful!

I had decided that I was treating myself to a Dominoes pizza tonight so we ordered that on the way home and picked it up on route so we could eat before I needed to rest and before Calum was teaching. It was so tasty! But, shortly after I felt really unwell. I wasn't sure if it was the pizza, the overwhelming feeling of food in my stomach after so long being on juice and being careful what I ate throughout this process but I also felt intense pain in my abdomen and needed quick relief so I had a bath. I was then feeling very sick and was worried that I'd overdone it with the pizza, however, only cloudy, peachy-coloured mucas or bile-like liquid (although that was always green when it happened to me as a child on my period) came out, not a single slice made its way back up my gullet - strange. I did feel some relief afterwards though and Mum did point out how much drugs and poking and prodding I'd gone through so straight to bed with a hot-water bottle it was for me!

I tried a short video call with Kevin around 6pm but it didn't last long for I was clearly falling asleep, was in pain and couldn't sustain the conversation. Mum's been great coming in every so often to check on me, bringing me tea, iced water, painkillers & topping up the hot-water bottle - each 2hr period went by in a flash. Now its after midnight, I'm wide awake and I perhaps need to try to get back to sleep to maintain my body clock’s routine.

In the morning I'll be waiting for a call between 0830-1200 to tell us if any of the 11 eggs (oh yes, I forgot to say, they managed to collect 11 eggs! 🥰) have fertilised overnight. The procedure went according to plan and there were many large follicles alongside some smaller ones, which all produced eggs! Of course I'm delighted as the bigger the number, the more of a chance of fertilisation occurring (about 60-70%) but they have warned that perhaps not all of them will be mature enough and they just won't know that until they go to inject them individually which they were doing this afternoon. I kept saying to each nurse who came to speak to me "It only takes 1" which is true but a very human-minded angle to take. Of course what I mean is that God only needs 1 to create our wee miracle - if it is His intention. 11 eggs have been collected, around half may fertilise, half of those may make it to blastocyst stage, 1 or 2 might make it to a transfer. Or none. There is no way of telling - but God knows.

Whatever happens tomorrow (today now really!) or in the coming days before a potential transfer on Saturday, I know that I've done all that I can, within my power to follow the rules, do as I'm told for this process, but only God has the final say over whether any part of this process is a success or not. So far, he has graced me with his abundant love and graced us with the opportunity to have these final chances at having a family that we so dearly desire. God hears our prayers, our deepest desires, no bargaining is required & certainly no "if I do this, he'll do this" nonsense. If it is His will, He will make it happen. He created medical advances, He created the staff who carry out the medical procedures, He provided the funding for the government to give Scots 3 chances at IVF, He decided that this path was for us and although I questioned it several times, Kevin believed, like the innocence that a child has when they look to their parent for answers.

"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at a proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:5-7

Prayer points to consider:

Thank God for the wonders that he has created in our scientific/medical/engineering world.

Thank God for keeping Màiri and Kevin safe & healthy during this challenging process.

Pray for the staff at Ninewells that they may come to rest their weariness, to look to the Lord for strength.

Pray for the eggs taken from Màiri's body today, that they be kept safe overnight and over the following days as they hopefully bond together with Kevin's DNA and develop into healthy embryos.

Pray for the embryologists, that they may see God's wonder of His creation when they look through their microscope. Only he could engineer such amazing cells which one day could grow into a child who walks on this earth.

Pray for Màiri as she recovers and rests in the hope that each day brings encouraging news.

Pray for Kevin who is experiencing this from afar, that he feels close to the process and give him strength in his relationship with his mighty nemesis - patience!

Pray for the 2 other ladies who also went through egg collections today, that their journey may be blessed and anxieties eased.

Pray for other couples, at different stages of their journeys in the unit - embryo transfers and scans/tests that were happening today too.

I pray too for all of you wonderful, supportive people who are reading this, thinking of us, praying for us and hoping with us. WE THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS 💝

Waiting for the train home

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you" - 1 Peter 5:10

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quirkless-accident · 2 years

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Would Danny investigate Izuku school and expose them for what they did to Izuku and the others students who had minor quirk? And also tell Nezu about Bakugou being a bully so that the teachers know he is to watch out ?

"All Might!"

Danny runs forward, trying to catch up with the number one hero. It doesn't take him long.

"is everything all right, Phantom?" All Might asks, his brows knit together.

"Uh, yes and no. I was just wondering if you wanted to help me on a special project of mine."

Phantom had a plan, and it was going to work. And if he had the number one at his side, it was foolproof. The number one, who had met Midoriya in person, and had gotten down on his knees and apologized. It was more than Phantom and Midoriya had been expecting. Midoriya had forgiven him almost instantly as All Might explained his side of things.

He doesn't know if it was the way he had talked about the kid, or the spark he saw in the boy, but All Might apparently had good taste in successors.

"I'm gonna open up a law suit on the middle school Izuku goes to," Phantom told him. He pulled a thick file out of his bag and handed it to the older hero, who took it with raised eyebrows.

"Is this all evidence of Aldera's misdemeanors?"

"That's a file on just Midoriya. His mistreatment there wasn't just by schoolyard bullies, it was by his teachers as well. They either participated or condoned it. None of them should have their licenses anymore, if you ask me. Teachers shouldn't be actively tearing kids down for any reason."

"We could take this to Nezu, to. He could pull a few strings, expedite a few things. I had no idea Young Midoriya had such a rough time at his last school."

"Well, it's not like he talks about it. But in the last couple months of the semester I had him gather this evidence. I wanted to wait until he started at U.A. to act though, in case it brought him unwanted attention."

All Might hummed and nodded as he skimmed through the file with a frown. "Midoriya doesn't seem like the type to start fights. Why are there so many?"

"They're misreported. He didn't start them, he was the victim of them. He was the only one who ever got reprimanded though. And that's just scraping the ice berg. It's way worse than that."

All Might looked like he wanted to be sick as he gave Phantom a worried expression.

"If this is as bad as you're saying, we should get Aizawa involved as well. And maybe see about putting the boy in some kind of counseling just in case."

Danny grinned at the hero. For the remainder of their lunch, they formed a plan.

------

"Ah, Phantom, please come in."

"Hello, sir," he said to Principal Nezu. There was already a second cup of tea waiting for him. Because of course there was.

"I have a couple of concerns I wanted to speak to you about."

"This has to do with izuku Midoriya's middle school, does it not?"

"Mostly yes, but I also wanted to talk about another student. Katsuki Bakugou and Izuku Midoriya have some kind of past. I don't know the details cause the kid hasn't really opened up to me, but I know Bakugou has been bullying him for a while."

"What do you suggest we do then?" Nezu raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his tea.

"Well, I think the next time anything happens Bakugou needs to be reprimanded. And maybe sent to Hound Dog for some counseling or something."

"You're aware that he's suicide baited Midoriya, along with an extensive record of abuse. With all of this information you've given me in the past I'm surprised you don't want him expelled."

"Well, sir," Danny said rubbing the back of his neck. "It's...hard to explain. I think Bakugou should face the consequences of his actions. But I also believe he, like Midoriya, has been failed by the systems put in place. He's been told his entire life that he's amazing and perfect, and his peers and teachers before U.A. have turned the other cheek to his abuse. Nobody ever reprimanded him, and therefore he thought it was okay. But if we start now, he can learn. And that's what this school is about, isn't it? To learn to be not just the best hero you can be but the best person as well. At least, that's how I've always thought of it." Danny shrugged, and took a sip of tea. And even though he miraculously didn't slip up in his little speech, he could still feel his heart hammering against his chest. God, why was this so nerve wracking?

"I believe," Nezu said slowly, "that you are correct. I will speak with Aizawa on the matter. In the mean time, I understand you want to open a lawsuit against Aldera Middle School. Do you have any kind of evidence?"

"Oh yeah," Danny said, pulling out the thick file he had shown All Might a few days prior. He slapped it down on the thick wooden desk. Nezu raised an eyebrow as he skimmed through.

There was a deafening silence. The only sounds were the sipping of tea and the turning of pages, and the suspense was killing him. Danny's leg couldn't stop bouncing. Not until Nezu looked at him with a feral grin, reminding Danny of why bear was one of the possibilities of his species.

"Let me make a few calls."

#all might #yagi toshinori #nezu #principal nezu #danny fenton #danny phantom #mha #bnha

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aquafaith · 3 years

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My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!

#anti acotar #anti acomaf #anti acowar #anti acofas #anti acosf #anti sjm #anti feysand #anti rhysand

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stanzoeywade · 3 years

Text

Tiptoe - Poppy x MC

Taglist: @somewillwin @uhh-the-green-thing @jmojellybae @simp-pony @made-me-deep-blue @uselesslesbianfr @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @belvoiresqueenbee @alexlabhont @samanthadalton @crazzyplays @sparring-hyena @baexpoppy @cloakanddaggerthings

Summary: Poppy and MC meet in summer and they were dating but broke it off, not related to free falling dhaisja don't ask about ch3 idk either.

A/N: uhm hi I've been a ghost for like months lol but I heard from a little birdie that queen b is coming back in September and I'm so ready to clown for my wife Poppy again. Based on song below which is a bop. I also did not check my spelling or grammar I die like a dumbass. My one braincell would like to thank u all and Gabi for this fic 💗

There's hardly anything in this world that captivates you, until you see her. Her flawless skin, her blonde hair and those deep chocolate orbs that you just want to stare at and drown in forever. Who knew such a beauty existed? It boggles you to know that the Min-Sinclair heiress is perfect. One might say that you're jealous but deep down you know that's not the case. Jealousy? No, it's not jealousy, you're enthralled by her. It's not even because of how fucking gorgeous she looks, it runs deeper than that. There's just this weird sense of kinship that you feel when you look at her. She's more than the ranking, she's vulnerable and actually cares, something you saw when you went to the animal shelter.

The way her eyes sparkled when she saw the rescue animals, the way her mouth curved into that gentle smile. Who knew the queen bee of Belvoire had a heart? Her vulnerability is further shown when you realise that the golden girl of Belvoire has her own scars, her pride a by-product of the hurt caused by family and so called friends.

Having seen the forefront of it all, Belvoire is cutthroat. Everything matters, the clothes you wear, your family name. It's a free for all, no one cares who gets burned, low blows exchanged, it's all a big mind game and those who fall under pressure lose not just their reputation but everything they have worked for. But apart from all of that, she's still the first thing that makes you smile.

It's damning, the way your mind and heart races at the thought of Poppy. The way her eyes light up when she flashes that gentle smile, where one look is all it takes to make your knees weak and the blood rushing up your cheeks. You've never seen such a beauty, her smile is like a soft ray of sunshine, warming you up. However, she's also as mysterious as the moon, especially since she acts so sweet and the next minute she's as cold as ever. It's enough to give you whiplash.

Such gentle and delicate features, yet her personality is as fiery as the sun, I guess it's true what they say, the sun is beautiful yet staring at it can become painful.

It's confusing as to why Rosie's fallen so hard for Poppy, they've been rivals from the start, with each other's goal to come out on top. Things have definitely changed after the night they slept together, Poppy's words have no actual bite to them. If she were brave enough Rosie would've called Poppy out on it, but she's so confused on where they stand that she doesn't want to risk this newfound "friendship" if one can even call it that.

It suddenly hits Rosie like a brick. 'Wait, has Poppy been courting me in her own weird way or am I imagining shit?' She becomes more confused as Poppy seems to stare at her longer than she ever did, sometimes Rosie would meet eyes with Poppy who seems to have a longing stare as if she has so much to convey yet has no courage to do so. Sometimes it gets to the point where Poppy blushes after she realises that both of them have been staring at each other for too long. Both of them being a flustered and blushing mess, looking away as if they've been burned from getting too close to a fire.

Most people in Belvoire would argue that its not longing and wistful glances that the two are exchanging, they'd say that those were intense glares formed from the ongoing rivalry that the two have established in public, but anyone who personally knows Poppy and Rosie would say differently. There's also an ongoing bet between the students of the school. Some argue that Poppy and Rosie are secretly dating whilst the rest argue that they absolutely loathe each other and the ongoing stares are to intimidate each other to give in and leave Belvoire.

Zoey and Veronica are secretly in cahoots in which they bet that the two are definitely dating or in Veronica's words "those two are definitely fucking" which earns her a fond smile as well as a roll of the eyes from Zoey. Chloe suspects something between Poppy and Rosie, considering they genuinely don't seem to put energy behind the insults they throw at each other. She doesn't think that the two are lovers but she definitely thinks that they're secretly friends.

It's not until Veronica sees Rosie wink at Poppy when she thought nobody was looking, and she was certain that the blonde would glare at Rosie but imagine her surprise when Poppy flirts back by winking back. In which she's all too excited to text Zoey about. "Omfg bitch, you won't believe what I saw today, like holy fuck the two gays were flirting when they thought no one was looking." All she gets in response from Zoey was "show receipts pls."

Rosie can feel herself falling for Poppy, both of them know that things have changed. Neither seem too interested in fighting and when they do argue, it's all for show, after all no one knows that they're secretly pining after each other. She suddenly remembers how they met.

-Flashback-

Being relatively new to New York, Rosie was eager to meet new people and what better way to start off than hooking up with strangers from a random bar? After all, the city was big and it's been a while. As soon as she arrived someone immediately caught her attention. One Poppy Min-Sinclair, dressed to the nines, she was definitely Rosie's type. Not really expecting anything Rosie struts towards her, in hopes of beginning a conversation.

At first Poppy seemed uninterested, scoffing and she felt a presence near her. She didn't really want to deal with anyone considering they're usually just random guys who wanted to hook up in the bathrooms or worse they're drunk as fuck trying to flirt with her. However, imagine her surprise when she looks at the person that dared to sit by her. Poppy would be lying if she said that the girl in front of her wasn't her type. She seemed sweet, and had a gentle smile. It was also a bonus that the girl seemed to know how to dress herself.

When their eyes met, there was this lightning spark that just fit into place, the two had chemistry. It was undeniable, the two just knew how to push and pull. The banter was there, so was the attraction.

Poppy wasn't shy about showing her attraction, obviously checking Rosie out, which earns her a low chuckle from the other girl. "At least buy me dinner first before you undress me with you eyes?" said Rosie with mirth dancing around her eyes, whilst Poppy just laughs, soft and languidly slow. At which point Rosie knew she was screwed, the blonde in front of her looked like she just walked out of the runway, and her laugh was definitely something Rosie wanted to hear more of.

She's pulled out of her epiphany once Poppy speaks, voice sultry and pulling Rosie in like a siren. "My name is Poppy Min-Sinclair, and I do what I want sweetheart." The confidence she exudes is shown in her voices. It's addicting the way the blonde presents herself, every move calculated and poised. Every word that leaves her lips is deliberate and elegant in her own unique way. If she was in her right mind, Rosie would've been terrified by how enraptured she was by this girl in front of her.

Rosie wasn't one to back down from a challenge therefore she decides to tease the girl in front of her. "Is your name supposed to be important? I've never heard of it. Anyways, since you've introduced yourself so nicely, my name's Rosie." Poppy just raises an eyebrow at her semi-surprised that the other girl hasn't heard of her. "Sorry babe, the whole world doesn't revolve around you." said Rosie with a cheeky smile and wink and before Poppy can retort Rosie finishes off by saying "but it definitely should revolve around you, I mean look at you, you're mesmerising."

If it were any other person, Poppy would have definitely rolled her eyes and walked away, but Rosie seemed to mean it. The other girl definitely looked like she wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was just so damn endearing that Poppy, against her usual M.O., she decides to stay and talk to the other girl. 'She looks cute enough, but if she's gonna be annoying then I'll just ditch her later.' thought Poppy.

Both women were intrigued by each other, and one thing led to another. Before they knew it they were together in a hotel room. Neither of them cared about who made the move first, all they knew was that they had to have each other one way or the other.

Despite her pent up desire and lust, Poppy still cared about her reputation, after all even if she was on break it didn't mean she can be careless, plus she didn't exactly want to expose Rosie to Belvoire's dirty laundry, the girl seemed nice enough and Poppy wasn't about to mess with this girl. Sure she's a fucking bitch but that doesn't mean she wants people to suffer because of her unless they've wronged her or any of her friends in some way. She's petty but she's not that petty.

God knows Belvoire is a shithole.

They're definitely closer than what should be conceived as acceptable, considering Rosie is literally one step away from kissing Poppy. Not like either of then cared considering they were too focused on each other to pay attention to their surroundings. It's only when the bartender coughs that the two pull away from each other as if taken out of their seemingly lulled state.

Rosie's about to say goodbye, considering the blonde seems like she's torn between leaving or staying, but she's caught by surprise when Poppy yanks her arm back. "Where do you think you're going, little lamb? I didn't say I was done with you yet." The way it was said was enough to make Rosie shiver. The way the Min-Sinclair heiress said it so confidently, it didn't help that she looked to be the epitome of lust and desire at that moment, but from then on Rosie knew she was fucked, both literally and figuratively.

Before she knew it she was pulled into a car headed to the nearest luxury hotel, which just so happens to be a presidential suite at The Ritz. Rosie didn't show but she was shocked. She knew the girl was rich, I mean come on her clothes are fresh off the runway and the blonde exuded power and wealth. But this was like a bucket of ice water being dropped on Rosie's head, this was definitely something she wasn't expecting.

NSFW AHEAD

She's taken aback by the inside of the hotel suite, she expected it to be fancy, but nothing could prepare her for the plush king sized bed, as well as the overall layout of the room. It looks like something straight out of an IKEA magazine, Rosie can't help but think.

"Well, are you just going to stand there or are we actually going to fuck?" says Poppy. Rosie is taken aback from how bluntly Poppy put it. Speaking of which, the blonde girl is already half way through removing her clothes. She couldn't help the gasp that escapes her as she gawks at Poppy and the way her body looks so perfect, unblemished milky white skin that looks so soft, all Rosie could think of is leaving marks in her wake. She licks her lips in anticipation as Poppy gives her the come hither gesture, and Rosie is immediately lured in, like a moth drawn to a flame.

Her hands immediately raise up, helping Poppy out of her clothes, until all that remains is Poppy's underwear. Her eyes scan Poppy's body and out of the corner of her eye she can see Poppy's satisfied smile. Rosie is pulled in, her body pulled in flush against Poppy. Her eyes dart over to Poppy's lips as she leans in to kiss Poppy. A hand covers her mouth as she hears "Not yet Hughes, it's unfair if I'm the only one in my underwear."

Rosie's ears are definitely bright red at this point and she's pretty sure that her whole body is flushed, but she gives Poppy a show as she takes each article of clothing slowly, piece by piece as if testing Poppy's already short patience. As she takes her blouse off, Poppy's staring at her so intensely she can feel her legs wobble. The look conveying an unspoken promise. It's enough to make her a little self conscious, but her confidence is regained as soon as she sees how flushed Poppy is. It also helped that she saw Poppy gulp, looking at her like she's the only thing in the world. "See something you like, Min-Sinclair?" she can't help but tease and the blonde rolls her eyes.

"You were doing so well until you started speaking. Just get your ass over here. I'm not used to waiting for things I want." said Poppy. Rosie struts over to Poppy.

She's immediately back at Poppy's side, the Min-Sinclair heiress looking her up and down which makes Rosie nervous as the way Poppy stares is intense. Her doubts are quickly quelled as she's soon tugged harshly the collar. Poppy pulls her in roughly for a kiss, as their tongues dance and weave against each other, battling for dominance. They both step forwards towards the bed, and the noises that come out of Poppy is irresistible and music to her ears. She sounds incredible and Rosie can't get enough and with a flick of her tongue Poppy is putty in her hands.

They both fall towards the bed, Poppy ending up under Rosie. They pull away quickly to catch their breath, and Poppy's eyes are blown so much so, her pupils are dilated like a cat ready to catch its prey. Her lips parted and bruised, taking in oxygen as if all of her breath has been taken away. If Rosie thought she was in charge, she's got another thing coming. Their position is switched, as Poppy expertly flips them over, landing her on top of the other girl. Rosie ending up with her back against the bed as Poppy straddles her. "You're a good kisser, Hughes." she says and Rosie smiles mischievously "I try." she replies.

Poppy's quick to kiss Rosie again, as if she's her only lifeline teetering her to the world. Every kiss shared feels like sparks flying, the intensity and passion leaving them both breathless. It's not like Rosie's gonna give in and let Poppy top her, she quickly pull Poppy by the waist, bodies completely flushed against each other before rolling over so that their position is once again switched. This time Rosie comes out on top.

Before the other girl can complain, Rosie's quick to shut her up but trailing kisses from lips to her neck. Poppy smells like fresh cherries and vanilla, which for some reason is very fitting. After all cherries are sweet but the fruit itself can be dangerous, however there's a hint of danger. After all cherries do have cyanide in the seed. The whimpers and moans that come from Poppy's mouth are sensual and spurs Rosie on even more. She can't get enough of the blonde.

She can feel Poppy's nails taking across her back, and she's sure that those are definitely going to leave marks, not like she minds considering she's too far gone from the sound of Poppy's moans and whimpers.

Rosie looks at Poppy and she can't help but admire how beautiful Poppy looks under her, eyes half lidded and chest heaving. "You look better when you're quiet, Princess." said Rosie, but instead of reporting Poppy just pulls her back in and their lips are clashing against except this time its rough. Poppy pulling and tugging at her hair, while leaving small nibbles on her lips. Rosie knows that her lips are going to be all sorts of red and bruised the next morning.

Rosie's hand finds their way to the waistband of Poppy underwear, and she can feel the wet patch. She slides her hand inside and moves her fingers to find Poppy's clit, where she rubs small circles, and she feels the blonde jolt from the sudden contact and Rosie is about to apologise until she hears Poppy's breathy moans. "I swear to god, if you stop I'm going to fucking kill you." whimpered Poppy.

Rosie just smiles against Poppy's skin as she continues teasing Poppy until the other girl is a panting and whimpering mess. "I need your fingers inside me Hughes, stop fucking around and actually start fucking me." It's said so desperately Rosie finally grants the blonde her wish and starts pumping her fingers in and out until the blonde cums, back arched away from bed and a loud and filthy moan is all the can be heard. Rosie helps the other ride out her orgasm by cooing gentle words and leaving kisses that are definitely going to leave marks on the Poppy's unblemished skin.

-NSFW END-

-FLASHBACK END-

The casuak hook up turns into dates and outings, and both of them start to catch feelings for each other. As much as it surprises Poppy she genuinely enjoys the time that she spends with Rosie. The other girl always making sure to make Poppy smile. It doesn't help that Rosie had this weird way of knowing when Poppy was upset or stressed in which she'd always do something to help the blonde feel better. Rosie's become a constant, a home away from home in a sort. Always there even on Poppy's worse days, not giving in even when Poppy's relentlessly cruel and bitchy. If she weren't so fucking smitten Poppy would have thought that Rosie was a Saint considering how patient she is. However, she refuses to confess her feelings to the other girl first, after all she's a Min-Sinclair and they don't confess ever. People confess to her.

They're both stubborn, therefore they both refuse to even acknowledge their budding feelings for the other. Though there have been too many times where Poppy has gotten jealous when people stare too much at Rosie, though it's reserved and usually subtle. Poppy quietly stakes her claim by always having some sort of physical contact with Rosie. It could be something as simple as a hand on Rosie's forearm or wrist. But the real warning comes from her passive aggressiveness when others get too close to Rosie or the glares that are given if anyone is dumb enough to try and flirt with the other girl.

It's not like Rosie is any better. Whilst Poppy is subtle with her jealousy, Rosie is not. She's always quick hold Poppy's hand as if to signify that the blonde is hers and it's even worse if anyone ignores that. She becomes more physically affectionate. She hugs Poppy as if her life depends on it. There's also been a few times where if Rosie's patience was tested she'd get really jealous and the next time they're intimate she always leaves marks where no one but her or Poppy knows. It's also when she becomes quite dominant in the bedroom and it genuinely entertains Poppy so much so it's become her second favourite past time. The first definitely being their intimate moments.

It gets to the point where both of then get so frustrated they confess how they feel that the same time, which becomes one of their inside jokes considering they both felt like idiots for not confessing their feelings sooner.

However, it's not like summer lasts forever and both of them end up breaking it off, since Poppy actually likes Rosie and she refuses to put her through the shit that goes on in Belvoire. "It was fun while it lasted, Hughes, but I'm sorry. I have to go back and I'm not sure I'll ever see you again." said Poppy, voice cold as ice as if the whole thing didn't matter. Poppy would be lying if she said that it meant nothing, considering she's never been happier. The other girl definitely had a special place in her heart but as they say if you really live someone you have to let them go. She might be cruel but she's not about to fuck Rosie's life up by involving her in the stupidity of Belvoire, she deserves better. Maybe after unibersity she can find Rosie and they can try again.

Rosie's quite sure that she's never going to find anyone that makes her feel the way Poppy does, but she's not one to make things more complicated. "I'm glad I met you Poppy Min-Sinclair, it's been fun while it lasted. Maybe someday we can meet each other again."

Imagine her surprise when it turns out that Poppy attends Belvoire, both of them shocked to see each other again. The only difference being that Poppy seems much colder than the one she met before. Her eyes didn't have that shine or hint of mischief. It looked too detached. "What are you staring at?" said one of the girls following Poppy. Her eyes widened in surprise as the person her roommate Zoey warned her about was Poppy. She's barely acknowledged by Poppy as she just walks away without a word.

Things start to get more complicated as both of them are put against each other, as they compete for the top spot. It's not like Rosie really cared about the fucking thing, in all honesty she didn't even want to compete with Poppy but it's not like she had a choice considering no one cared that she didn't want to compete with Poppy. It gets to the point Rosie avoids Poppy altogether, not really wanting the unsolicited drama with the other girl.

It becomes even worse when rumours start that th reason why the two girls avoided each other like the plague was because Carter was cheating on Poppy with Rosie, and this gets blown out of proportion during the football game in which the screen shows a poorly photoshopped photo of Rosie and Carter kissing.

The way Poppy looked at Rosie broke her heart. Poppy looked tired and upset. She looked like she was betrayed and worse of all the look was directed at her. It's made even worse when Poppy wordlessly looks away, tears on her eyes as she runs to get away from the stadium.

Things change when Rosie chases after Poppy. It's the first time she sees Poppy cry, and it breaks her heart because how can she be so foolish. This was the person she fell for, and it sucked because she was the reason why Poppy was upset.

She approaches Poppy carefully, and as soon as she's noticed. Poppy's eyes narrow into a glare. "What do you want Hughes? Haven't you done enough already?" she yells, her voice full of venom. The words sting, but Rosie marches on, as she apologises. "I know I'm the last person you want to see, but I wanted to say I'm sorry. You didn't deserve all of that." She reaches out to try and comfort Poppy but she stops as remembers that she's the reason Poppy was crying in the first place. They both stand there in a tense silence, both not wanting to speak until they both say something at the same time. "Why didn't you tell me that you go to Belvoire?" they both say in sync.

Rosie lets Poppy speak first. "If you said that you were going to be attending Belvoire, maybe things would have been different." she says and this catches Rosie's attention. "Different how?" she asks and Poppy looks at her eyes softening as she says "I would have admitted that I was falling for you."

That's how they got back together.

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aotopmha · 3 years

Text

Attack on Titan in 2020

I've sort of dropped doing detailed chapter posts on the series because that type of writing wasn't very fun for me anymore and I have taken a liking to a bullet point kind of approach where I list the elements that stood out for me in the chapter or make a separate post for some specific topic I'd like to talk about in it.

I've started like 10 different posts to attempt to talk about AoT this year and I always end up with incoherent rambling because of all of the elements I'd love to to talk about.

This year's chapters were 125-135 and this year's episodes episodes 1-4 of season 4.

The anime episodes in particular have given me a lot of food for thought, so I'm just saying fuck it.

I think the biggest misstep of the story for me will forever be the fact that it decided to use fairly specific historical imagery.

The Eldians are clearly supposed to have allegorical equivalency with Jewish people, but the Jewish people were never the oppressors. There weren't any Jewish empires. That's conspiracy theory bullshit.

But on the other hand, the series clearly takes great effort to not stereotype any of the groups it's portraying and gives complex reasons for what both sides do. It's one of the few Japanese series that I've seen not stereotype Middle Eastern-coded people (Ramzi and Halil) or black people (Onyakapon). Everyone are people, it says. It even champions diversity:

(Chapter 118)

It is also very much true that a bunch of fascist states use long-term history as an excuse for their actions:

(Chapter 127)

Nation did X 2000 years ago therefore our conquest of them is justified.

This makes discussion about the series' themes like a minefield.

The people who are very critical about its imagery are right, but the people defending the series aren't wrong, either because it condemns all of those nasty ideas of conquest and hurting innocent people.

You can't have a more clear-cut condemnation of genocide:

(Chapter 127)

If you combine all of these details instead of zoning in on them one by one, to me what the story is saying is that *even if* all of that conspiracy bullshit is true, innocent people don't deserve to be slaughtered no matter the reason because they are still people who have their own feelings, thoughts and wishes.

The story clearly gets the baseline, but fumbles the details. I decided to look up some more discussion surrounding this these past few days and I just wish there was more good faith discussion about it. A lot of it feels like a moral superiority contest.

I think it's these kind of flawed stories that actually deserve detailed scruitiny over stories that are rotten to the core because they are *almost there*. Talking about them is a good topic starter in what to do and not to do in a story like this.

Speaking of rotten to the core, I think the absolute highlight of the chapters this year is Eren and some of the chapters this year finally gave me a pretty clear picture of what is going on with him.

Context from 123 certainly helps, though:

(Chapter 131)

This is about Eren's perspective. He can't accept the destruction of Paradis.

It's not that this solution was inevitable looking in from the outside (which is one of the interpretations I see around for Eren's actions), it's that *Eren* can't see any other way out of this except the most extreme because of all of the horrible things he has seen from the outside world. It is very similar to the way suicidal people can only focus on the negative.

You can tell them everything is going to be okay, but those words won't reach them because their mind won't let them and loops them back to those negative thoughts.

Eren can't see the ice cream or silly clowns. But he can see how the other Eldians in the league of Eldians are willing to push Paradis under the bus. He can see how Grisha's sister was killed. He can see how racist and cruel Marley is towards the Eldians in Liberio (and how the people have racist leanings towards other nations, too).

He can only see those bad things. But he also understands how everyone outside of the walls are human just as the people inside of the walls are.

So he is torn to pieces by guilt.

He doesn't want to do this, but he can't see any other solution.

This is why I also think he can't rob his friends of their agency. He is fighting for them to have a good future:

(Chapter 133)

(Chapter 131)

What really stood out to me on a revisit is that Eren considers himself much worse than Reiner.

I've seen criticism on how the story pushes the narrative of both sides being the same and this detail is really important to me because this is the story acknowledging that what Eren is doing is worse and gives all of the following exchanges about this the context of it being a similarity in principle.

Both sides have killed for what they think is right and have to deal with how they have killed people. This is such an important detail in the Uprising arc, too, where Erwin firmly acknowledged that overthrowing the government might not actually be the right choice by him. It was simply what he saw as right. On a narrative level this avoids absolute truths and preference of one character perspective over the other and once again makes it about individual perspectives.

The theme of individual perspectives is so ingrained in this story at this point in my eyes that it's another cornerstone in understanding what is going on with Eren to me.

I think it's great.

I also really appreciate Annie and what was done with her in this chunk of chapters.

(Chapter 127)

There has been this narrative going around that proposes that the story is in Eren's corner too much. But these chapters are nothing but questioning Eren and Annie is one of the main voices in this. It's the Marleyan girls, really and I think this is a very necessary part of making the narrative work. Once again, it separates the narrative and character perspective.

It says that the Paradis side caring is about character perspective, not what the narrative sides with and Annie is even sympathetic to Mikasa in that instance.

She gets it. Unexpectedly, I think Annie might play a bigger role in taking down Eren than expected. Her character arc about deciding to no longer go with the flow because she doesn't want any more tragedy to happen is basically calling for it.

(Chapter 128)

Another element I've seen brought up is the fact that nobody seems to address the Bert-sized elephant in the room, but some of our characters are certainly thinking about him.

This is such a thematically strong element and really interesting because Connie joined the military to make his mom proud and be a good soldier. This is the motivation behind his claim when he says they are going to save the world. But what does becoming a good soldier mean, exactly?

Well, apparently possibly gunning down people you care about.

This moment is so good because it's another moment where the idea of glory in war is taken down a peg.

The moment with Connie declaring they're going to save the world is so often criticised, but it is actually turned on its head in 128. There is no heroics in this. This is actually Connie's big "killing a person" moment because it strips away the final bit of comfort in killing in war, the excuse of killing for good moral reasons.

It is also a wonderful complex evolution of the series' themes. Trost was about fighting monsters. In the Female Titan and Clash of Titan arcs some of those monsters turned out to be human. In the Uprising, Return to Shiganshina and Marley arcs all of those monsters turned out to be human and here in the War of Paradis arc, everyone is human and the only separating system is what everyone views as right.

I really hope the anime will let this chapter breathe a little bit more.

Moving on, I guess it is time to address the rumbling.

I love it as a horror spectacle.

(Chapter 130)

And I really I think it needs to be non-CG when animated. CG is fine in spectacle battles, but not in horror settings because it is too clean.

The rumbling needs to be disgusting and dirty.

Chapter 132 gave me one of the few moments in which I truly cared about Levi. I think him telling Hange to dedicate her heart was a very good moment to cap off their relationship. He sent another SL commander to fulfill their duty.

The speech about hatred in chapter 134 also stood out to me. I think it definitely should be fitted in there somewhere in this, but I also see a bunch of criticism for it.

I want to point out that this is the side of present Marley talking here. It's the military dictatorship.

It's the Nazis. I think the Nazis should feel regret for exploiting innocent people and admit they're wrong.

I also like how the horrors here are undoing the brainwashing and showing the truth to the citizens.

I guess you could read it as heavy-handed, but it is also something that needs to be addressed and in principle, it's not wrong.

I'm also going to put a mention of Historia here. I've talked about how this is my biggest and most glaring problem with the series because of how thematically unfitting it feels, but I've also talked about it in many posts. I wanted to focus more on other stuff in this post.

So now, we make it back to chapter 135.

I think having stewed on it for a month now, I like the element of mindscrewing our cast with the Titans of the people they love is the strongest element of it. It's making them face their personal traumas and we also get some great character moments and payoffs from it.

Mikasa ended off the year in a very good note in my eyes.

Even this deep in the story, this chapter left me in a situation where I have no idea how things might turn out.

I might have rough ideas, but not anything specific and that's fun.

Well, this is it on my retrospective.

2021 is confirmed to be AoT's final year of publication as volume 34 is set to be the story's final volume.

Those who hate the story can finally be free of it and those who care for it, can look back on it with fondness and sadness and many other emotions and evaluate.

It's been 7 years for me. What a wild ride.

So, I'm asking everyone, what are some of your observations on AoT in 2020?

Is there anything you'd like to add or do you have any observations or counterarguments for anything I've said?

I'd be curious to see what everyone else thought of AoT in 2020!

#Attack on Titan #Shingeki no Kyojin #Eren #Eren Jaeger #Eren Yeager #Annie #Annie Leonhardt #Connie #Connie Springer #Hange #Hange Zoe #Historia #Historia Reiss #Mikasa #Mikasa Ackerman

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twoidiotwriters1 · 3 years

Text

Written In The Stars CXXXVIII (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: Meet Mel’s little brother :)

Words: 5,235

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Book Six

Listen to: ‘Thread’ -by Keane.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Leon Regulus Sultens-Black.

HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED RETURNS

[...]Albus Dumbledore, newly reinstated headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, re-instated member of the International Confederation of Wizards, and reinstated Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, was unavailable for comment last night.

He has insisted for a year that You-Know-Who was not dead, as was widely hoped and believed, but recruiting followers once more for a fresh attempt to seize power. Meanwhile the Boy Who Lived —

"There you are, Harry, I knew they'd drag you into it somehow," Hermione interrupted.

"Of course they would," Erick rolled his eyes, he was sitting on the floor between the two beds, his back against Hermione's bed.

Now that all his Slytherin friends knew the truth, they had stopped talking to him, so Erick was now spending all his time with Mel.

"He's 'the Boy Who Lived' again now, though, isn't he? Not such a show-off maniac anymore, eh?" Ron grabbed a bunch of chocolate frogs from his bedside table and handed one to each.

He leaned over and stretched out his hand to Erick, the older boy stared down at the chocolate and then up to him, Ron waved it impatiently in front of his face and Erick grabbed it quickly.

"Yes, they're very complimentary about you now, Harry," Hermione agreed. "'A lone voice of truth... perceived as unbalanced, yet never wavered in his story... forced to bear ridicule and slander...' Hmm... I notice they don't mention the fact that it was them doing all the ridiculing and slandering, though... 'You-Know-Who's Last Attempt to Take Over, pages two to four, What the Ministry Should Have Told Us, page five, Why Nobody Listened to Albus Dumbledore, pages six to eight, Exclusive Interview with Harry Potter and Mel Dumbledore, page nine...' Well, it's certainly given them lots to write about. And that interview with Harry and Mel isn't exclusive, it's the one that was in The Quibbler months ago..."

"Daddy sold it to them," said Luna. "He got a very good price for it too, so we're going to go on an expedition to Sweden this summer and see if we can catch a Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

"...That sounds lovely," Hermione said after a short silence.

"So anyway, what's going on in school?"

"Well, Flitwick's got rid of Fred and George's swamp," said Ginny. "He did it in about three seconds. But he left a tiny patch under the window and he's roped it off —"

"Why?"

"Oh, he just says it was a really good bit of magic."

"I think he left it as a monument to Fred and George, they sent me all these, you know," Ron pointed at the bunch of Frogs. "Must be doing all right out of that joke shop, eh?"

"I'll miss them..." Mel sighed.

"You can always buy a few of their products and set them around the school," Harry offered, "it'll feel as if they were still here."

She chuckled softly, around them the group shared confused and relieved glances. It wasn't exactly like before, but they could sense the friendly tones of their conversations, they had stopped fighting.

Although it didn't mean there wouldn't be fights later, they had pushed the conversation about their lifeline further into the future, right now they didn't have the energy to discuss life-changing matters.

"So has all the trouble stopped now Dumbledore's back?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, everything's settled right back down again," Neville nodded.

"I s'pose Filch is happy, is he?" asked Ron.

"Not at all! He's really, really miserable, actually..." Ginny lowered her voice. "He keeps saying Umbridge was the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts..."

"If any of you feel like pranking Filch next year, let me know so I can look the other way," Erick joked.

All of them turned to see Professor Umbridge on the bed opposite Ron and Hermione's. Dumbledore had rescued her from the centaurs, nobody knew how, and Umbridge was out of it, therefore unable to speak.

"Madam Pomfrey says she's just in shock," Hermione explained.

"Sulking, more like," said Ginny.

"Yeah, she shows signs of life if you do this," said Ron, and with his tongue he made soft clip-clopping noises. Umbridge sat bolt upright, looking wildly around.

"Anything wrong, Professor?" called Madam Pomfrey, poking her head around her office door.

"No... no..." said Umbridge, sinking back into her pillows, "no, I must have been dreaming..."

Hermione and Ginny muffled their laughter.

"Serves her right," Mel scowled. "She caused a lot of suffering this year..."

She looked down at Harry's hand, and the boy moved it only to hold hers.

"Speaking of centaurs," Hermione spoke, causing Harry to retreat his hand abruptly, "who's Divination teacher now? Is Firenze staying?"

"He's got to, the other centaurs won't take him back, will they?" Harry shrugged.

"It looks like he and Trelawney are both going to teach," said Ginny.

"Bet Dumbledore wishes he could've got rid of Trelawney for good. Mind you, the whole subjects useless if you ask me, Firenze isn't a lot better..."

"How can you say that?" Hermione frowned. "After we've just found out that there are real prophecies? It is a pity it broke..."

"Yeah, it is. Still, at least You-Know-Who never found out what was in it either, it was clever of you to break it, Mel. Though you really shouldn't have used your hand to do so..."

"I think it made you look really tough," Erick smiled.

Mel returned his gesture tensely, she wished she could feel as calm as the rest of her friends, she wanted to go back to normal but she couldn't ignore what was about to happen once the school year ended, now her home had as many ghosts as the castle.

"Hey, where are you going?" Ron asked in a hurt voice when Harry stood up to leave.

"Er — Hagrid's. You know, he just got back and I promised I'd go down and see him and tell him how you two are..."

"Oh all right then," Ron grumbled. "Wish we could come..."

"Say hello to him for us!" said Hermione. "And ask him what's happening about... about his little friend!"

Erick occupied Harry's place, he nudged her arm.

"You're going to let him go just like that?"

Mel contemplated the door in silence. She was ready for Harry's grief this time, there would be moments when he would want to be left alone and she had no problem with it. She understood, there were moments in which she wanted to hide away forever and never wake up.

"He doesn't need me right now," The girl shrugged. "And before you give me a lecture, I don't mean it in a bad way. Whatever he's going through... I can't help him go through it faster. I can't even help myself..."

Mel looked out the window to avoid her friend's eyes.

"How about we go for a walk?" Erick suggested.

They stopped once they reached the courtyard. It was deserted, most of the students were out on the school grounds bathing in the sun. Mel sat on the edge of one of the archways while Erick remained standing, she could feel him staring, but she kept her eyes down.

"So you and Harry are okay now," He started, "no more fighting?"

"None at all," She sighed. "We have better things to do than to fight over our love life. Not that it matters, we've stopped liking each other that way."

"How come?"

"It just happened," She replied quietly.

Erick hummed, moving to sit next to her.

"Maybe you're meant to be just friends. I mean, your relationship is already too complicated with the lifeline..."

Mel couldn't care less about what her relationship with Harry was destined to be. She didn't know what she wanted to do with the connection after hearing Harry's reasons to keep it. All she could think of was her mother; she'd sacrificed so much to keep them safe, what Sirius had done to help them... She was running out of days to think of a proper way to apologize to her family. Dumbledore had taken the blame but those were just words, in the end, it was Mel and Harry who'd decided to drop every precaution, part of her felt she deserved all the hurt.

"You know," Erick said quietly. "I've been thinking about dropping out of school after this year."

"Why?"

"Well, my intention was to become a Ministry worker, but after these last few months, I realized they're useless. It would change my plans completely... but maybe I could join the Order?"

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know what I want," He sighed tiredly. "I know I'm good at duelling and I have nowhere else to go... Did you know Sirius offered to take me in for the summer?"

Mel stared at him.

"Well, he did," Erick continued. "He said I could live with him, that he didn't mind having me around — said I reminded him of his younger brother... Wish I could've done something to help him..."

"You should hate me," She blurted out. "My mother's going to hate me. She'll hate me for being impulsive and for not listening to my uncle — My brother will hate me..."

"Why would I hate you?" He frowned.

"It's my fault that your parents kicked you out," She responded. "I made you write those letters to Anne. It was me who dragged you into this mess, you never wanted any of this, you would've lived a quiet, prosperous life —"

"And I would've been miserable," Erick shook his head. "You never forced me to do anything. You asked and I granted every time because I wanted to, I needed you to give me that final push... I made my choice the moment I met you, Mel."

"It's my fault you don't get to live with Sirius — it's because of me that you won't have a nice home —"

"It's because of you that I'm still alive," His voice trembled with incredulity. He moved closer and held her by the shoulders. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'm so lucky I found you..."

The girl had been shoving all her worries deep within herself for too long, she hadn't cried properly, refusing to let herself grieve since she felt she had no right to do so. Erick's voice sounded honest and comforting, she cracked under the pressure.

Erick hugged her and Mel wept like she hadn't done in months, not even while making peace with Harry. She sobbed as loud as she wanted, and the knot that had been stopping her from breathing finally loosened a bit, it made her feel as if she was slowly shrinking back into her child self, the girl cornered in the playground, but she wasn't alone anymore, and she was no longer a weak little thing.

Erick ran a hand through her hair gently, there was something about the way he touched her that made her feel safe.

"You'll feel better. I promise you will..."

He'd lost someone not so long ago, the only adult he'd loved and cared for him. He was probably still grieving, but the fact that he was there, in one piece, was the definite and only proof she needed to hold onto her hopes.

When the last day of school arrived, it also meant having to sit there surrounded by curious eyes all staring at her and Harry, and she knew what Dumbledore would say during his speech.

Stay together.

She'd talked about the same thing for three days in a row and she was exhausted, if she could, she would drink a potion to forget everything, maybe even the fact that she was a witch, and she would go live with her uncle Lupin, surrounded by nothing but trees...

However, Mel had to keep fighting. It was far from over.

She decided to skip the feast and asked her friends to bring her food once it ended, she slowly made her way back to the tower. Mel turned right on one of the corridors and stopped abruptly when she saw Harry.

For a second they stared at each other in mild confusion, they had been careful not to spend too much time alone because they knew they would end up discussing things they weren't ready to address. Mel gathered enough energy to give him a weak smile.

"Trying to find your appetite? Me too."

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"You're not hungry?"

"It's been happening all year," She sighed. "I guess I grew out of that too..."

"No way. You'll be eating in a week, I expect."

"I expect the same from you," She replied. "I'll make sure you eat twice as much. Merlin knows you need it."

A faint smile appeared on his face.

"Care if I join you? I could use a walk."

The silence didn't last long when they found Luna.

"How come you're not at the feast?" asked Harry.

"Well, I've lost most of my possessions. People take them and hide them, you know. But as it's the last night, I really do need them back, so I've been putting up signs."

"That's horrible," Mel frowned.

"How come people hide your stuff?"

"Oh... well... I think they think I'm a bit odd, you know. Some people call me 'Loony' Lovegood, actually," The girl said casually.

"That's no reason for them to take your things," Harry replied. "They used to call Mel a nutter too, but they didn't hide away her things."

"That's because they thought I was an attractive nutter," Mel rolled her eyes. "Prats. People need new brains, Luna. You're wonderful."

"D'you want help finding them?"

"Oh no," Luna smiled. "They'll come back, they always do in the end. It was just that I wanted to pack tonight. Anyway... why aren't you at the feast?"

Harry and Mel shared a look and shrugged.

"We didn't feel like it."

"No," Luna agreed, and for a second, Mel was able to see something more than just the usual vagueness in her eyes. "I don't suppose you do. That man the Death Eaters killed was your godfather, wasn't he? Ginny told me. She also said your mother and him were expecting a baby, Mel."

Harry nodded, Mel barely replied with a broken 'yes'.

"Have you..." The boy started slowly. "I mean, who... has anyone you've known ever died?"

"Yes. My mother. She was a quite extraordinary witch, you know, but she did like to experiment and one of her spells went rather badly wrong one day. I was nine."

"I'm sorry," Harry mumbled.

"Yes, it was rather horrible. I still feel very sad about it sometimes. But I've still got Dad. And anyway, it's not as though I'll never see Mum again, is it?"

"Er — isn't it?" Harry glanced back at Mel with slight worry.

"Oh, come on. You heard them, just behind the veil, didn't you?"

"You mean..." The boy started, but he didn't dare to finish.

"In that room with the archway. They were just lurking out of sight, that's all. You heard them. I could see you felt them too, Mel. They're always there."

Luna smiled at them carelessly, as if she'd just commented on the weather.

"Are you sure you don't want us to help you look for your stuff?"

"Oh no. No, I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up... It always does in the end... Well, have a nice holiday."

"Yeah... yeah, you too."

"Bye, Luna."

As they watched her go, Harry turned his head slightly without withdrawing his eyes from the Ravenclaw.

"You think she's telling the truth?"

"About what?"

"Everything."

Mel stared at the notice on the wall for a moment, deciding to use her popular card one last time in order to help a friend.

"I think I would love for it to be true," She responded. "And since I have the liberty to believe in whatever I please... then yes, I think she's right."

Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who had clearly been waiting all week for the opportunity to strike without teacher witnesses, attempted to ambush Harry halfway down the train as he made his way back from the toilet.

The attack might have succeeded had it not been for the fact that they unwittingly chose to stage the attack right outside a compartment full of D.A. members, who saw what was happening through the glass and rose as one to rush to Harry's aid.

Ron and Harry walked back into their compartment and told them what had just happened outside, Erick put down the book he was reading and scoffed.

"One would think that having your parents sent to Azkaban would knock some sense into you... I'll have to keep an eye on them next year, then."

Mel turned to look at him in surprise.

"You'll come back?"

"Yes," He said, a little smile playing on his lips. "I got a letter this morning ..."

He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to her. It was her mother's handwriting.

"I'm welcomed to stay with you this summer, and I think I'll take the offer," He grinned. "I don't wish to work at the Ministry, but I could learn a few things before I'm off to become a member of the Order. Besides, I can't think of a better way to thank Sirius than to look after all of you in the meantime..."

"I think that's very sensible of you," Hermione agreed. "It would've been stupid to give up your education now."

"What's stupid is that he's been ignored by his housemates," Ron replied. "The only decent bloke that house got in decades and they hurled him out? That's rubbish!"

Everyone stared at Ron with amusement, the boy turned a bit red.

"What? I can admit when someone's a good person!"

"I don't know what to say," Erick laughed. "Gryffindor's king just gave me his blessing..."

Ron turned redder and threw a jellybean at him.

Harry and Ron whiled away most of the journey playing wizard chess while Hermione read out snippets from the Prophet. It was now full of articles about how to repel dementors, attempts by the Ministry to track down Death Eaters, and hysterical letters claiming that the writer had seen Lord Voldemort walking past their house that very morning...

"It hasn't really started yet," sighed Hermione gloomily, folding up the newspaper again. "But it won't be long now..."

Neville let out a short sigh, absently patting his Mimbulus Mimbletonia. Mel put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, he looked up and smiled tensely.

"Hey, Harry," Ron kicked his leg.

Cho Chang was passing by with Marietta Edgecombe, who made a great deal out of hiding her face. Harry barely reacted, glancing at her before returning his gaze to the game.

"What's — er — going on with you and her anyway?" Ron asked, unsure of whether this was a safe subject to handle with Mel around.

"Nothing," Harry answered.

"I — er — heard she's going out with someone else now," added Hermione, looking at Mel as well.

"You're well out of it, mate. I mean, she's quite good-looking and all that, but you want someone a bit more cheerful."

"Right, because Harry's a ray of sunshine," Erick taunted.

"She's probably cheerful enough with someone else," Harry shrugged.

"Who's she with now anyway?" Ron asked.

"Michael Corner," Ginny responded.

"Michael — but —" Ron stammered. "But you were going out with him!"

"Not anymore. He didn't like Gryffindor beating Ravenclaw at Quidditch and got really sulky, so I ditched him and he ran off to comfort Cho instead," Ginny said distractedly, focused on her Quibbler.

"Well, I always thought he was a bit of an idiot," Ron said happily. "Good for you. Just choose someone... better, next time."

"Well, I've chosen Dean Thomas, would you say he's better?" Ginny replied.

"WHAT?"

Ron knocked over the chess and Crookshanks chased around the pieces. Grey merely opened one eye before going back to sleep.

Erick laughed again, freedom suited him. The stiffness of his shoulders had vanished and although he kept some old-fashioned attitudes, he was slowly coming out of his shell. Affection settled on Mel's heart.

"What about you?" He asked her, bringing her back from her reverie.

"What about me?"

"Do you have any new prospects in mind? I know Fred's hard to beat, but..."

"I don't think I'm ready to date anyone yet," Mel responded sincerely. "Why?"

"No reason," He replied.

His eyes lingered on her long after she'd looked away.

The moment came when the train got to the station, and she stayed behind, unsure of whether she wanted to see what was expecting her outside the platform.

It was time to meet her brother.

"Remember what I told you," Erick offered his arm for her to hold.

Her mouth was dry, but she nodded and held his arm firmly, letting him guide her to the other side of the wall with a firm step.

There was Mad-Eye Moody, looking quite as sinister with his bowler hat pulled low over his magical eye as he would have done without it, his gnarled hands clutching a long staff, his body wrapped in a voluminous traveling cloak.

Tonks stood just behind him, her bright bubble-gum-pink hair gleaming in the sunlight filtering through the dirty glass station ceiling, wearing heavily patched jeans and a bright purple T-shirt bearing the legend the weird sisters.

Next to Tonks was Lupin, his face pale, his hair graying, a long and threadbare overcoat covering a shabby jumper and trousers. At the front of the group stood Mr and Mrs Weasley, dressed in their Muggle best, and Fred and George, who were both wearing brand-new jackets in some lurid green, scaly material.

Emily was next to Lupin, she was hugging a bundle of blankets that could only be one thing. She didn't look like Mel was expecting, there were dark circles under her eyes, but she was far from angry.

Her face filled with relief as soon as she saw her. Mel stumbled back, not knowing what to do. Emily realized that her daughter was afraid and she looked at her in confusion.

"Mel," She began carefully. "D'you remember what I told Harry last year after the third task?"

Mel remembered, of course.

"You said no one would blame him for fighting as hard as he could."

"That's right," Emily cupped her daughter's cheek. "I was so scared of losing you... My brave, brave girl."

Mel hugged her mother tightly, around her, she heard the others welcoming the rest of their friends.

"Ron, Ginny! Oh, and Harry dear — how are you?"

"Fine..."

"What are they supposed to be?" Ron's voice asked.

"Finest dragon skin, little bro," Fred responded, probably talking about his clothes. "Business is booming and we thought we'd treat ourselves."

Mel finally stepped back so Erick could say hi as well. She realized then that she was now as tall as her mother.

"It's time you meet someone," Emily said, drying her face with the back of her sleeve. "Come here... this is Leon Regulus. Reggie, this is your sister."

He was the tiniest person she'd ever seen, didn't have much hair yet, but his eyes were definitely grey. She remembered Luna's words and in a way, she felt that a part of Sirius still remained.

"I have a brother," She whispered in awe.

"Is that your sibling?" Ginny beamed. "Can I see him?"

Quickly, Ron and the girls approached to look at him.

Harry stayed behind, a bit unsure of whether he was allowed to meet him.

"Hello, kids," Lupin greeted them while the rest of their friends surrounded Emily.

"Hi. I didn't expect... what are you all doing here?" Harry asked.

"Well, Emily can't drive and watch over the baby at the same time, as for the rest, we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home."

"I dunno if that's a good idea," Harry said awkwardly.

"Oh, I think it is," Moody growled. "That'll be them, will it, Potter?"

Mel looked over Moody's shoulder and saw the Dursleys, shocked to the core at such scene. She couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it, the first genuine laughter ever since coming back from the Ministry.

She felt someone poking her shoulder and she turned, coming face to face with the twins.

"What, we stop seeing each other for a few weeks and you forget we exist?" Fred smirked.

She jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"I would never forget you. Have you met my brother?"

"Yes, ugly little thing," Fred grimaced, George hit the back of his head. "What? It's true! No newborn is pretty..."

"Bold words from someone with the ugliest taste in clothing," Mel laughed again, it was interesting what a bunch of familiar and happy faces could do to her soul.

"We heard Erick's staying with you this summer... Pitty, we were thinking about hiring him as our assistant."

"I would rather choke on my tongue," Erick walked up to them. "You look ridiculous, and that's coming from someone who likes to wear formal shirts on the weekends."

Fred and George trapped him in a bear hug and messed up his hair, Erick tried to fight back but it only made things worse.

"You missed us!"

"Flimsy little prince like you must bore to death without us around to keep things interesting..."

"Trust me," Erick grunted, looking at her with a smile. "Mel made sure you weren't that sorely missed."

"Ah, kids!" Mr Weasley looked at them. "Boys, let go of him! Ah, look at what you did! He looks like a madman..."

Erick blushed a nice shade of pink, but he laughed it off.

"It's okay, Mr Weasley..."

"He looks far better like this," Fred teased.

"Don't listen to them, they're just jealous," Emily replied, followed shortly by the girls and Ron. "Harry, would you like to meet my son?"

Harry wasn't expecting her to address him, but he didn't have the nerve to say no. Emily took it as a yes and did something she hadn't done with the rest of them: She asked him if he wanted to hold him.

Harry stared at the baby without uttering a word. He took him, and with a few pointers from Emily, soon enough Leon was safely tucked on his arms.

"He's... he's got his eyes," Harry said quietly. "Reggie, you say? ...He's brilliant."

For a moment he forgot about the rest of the world, Harry could see his godfather reflected on those small, shiny eyes, and with that came a life with no mistakes in it yet, a new opportunity to make things right.

Emily didn't take the baby away, instead, she joined the group of adults.

"Well — shall we do it, then?" Mr Weasley then directed his attention to Moody.

"Yeah, I reckon so, Arthur."

He and Mr Weasley took the lead across the station toward the place where the Dursleys stood, apparently rooted to the floor. Hermione disengaged herself gently from her mother to join the group.

"Good afternoon," said Mr Weasley pleasantly to Uncle Vernon, coming to a halt right in front of him. "You might remember me, my name's Arthur Weasley."

As Mr Weasley had singlehandedly demolished most of the Dursleys' living room two years previously, Harry would have been very surprised if Uncle Vernon had forgotten him. Sure enough, Uncle Vernon turned a deeper shade of puce and glared at Mr Weasley, but chose not to say anything, partly, perhaps, because the Dursleys were outnumbered two to one.

Aunt Petunia looked both frightened and embarrassed. She kept glancing around, as though terrified somebody she knew would see her in such company. Dudley, meanwhile, seemed to be trying to look small and insignificant, a feat at which he was failing extravagantly.

"We thought we'd just have a few words with you about Harry."

"Yeah. About how he's treated when he's at your place," Moody growled. "And trust us, Emily has made sure to tell us all about it."

Her mother smiled brightly.

"I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house —" Mr Dursley started, but he was soon interrupted.

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley."

"Anyway, that's not the point," Tonks added. "The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry —"

"— and make no mistake, we'll hear about it," Lupin added, looking briefly at Mel and winking.

"Yes, even if you won't let Harry use the fellytone —"

"Telephone," Hermione corrected under her breath.

"Yeah, if we get any hint that Potter's been mistreated in any way, you'll have us to answer to," Moody growled.

"Are you threatening me, sir?" Mr Dursley asked in anger.

"Yes, I am."

"And do I look like the kind of man who can be intimidated?"

"Well..." said Moody, pushing back his bowler hat to reveal his sinisterly revolving magical eye. Uncle Vernon leapt backward in horror and collided painfully with a luggage trolley. "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley."

He turned from Uncle Vernon to Harry. "So, Potter... give us a shout if you need us. If we don't hear from you for three days in a row, we'll send someone along..."

"We'll keep an eye on him, Moody," Mel's mother replied, "Erick, Mel and I will. Feel free to have every meal with us from now on, Harry. There's no reason for you to be eating rubbish."

Aunt Petunia gasped loudly at this.

"I..." Harry blinked. "Okay."

Emily stepped forward and seized Regulus, then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed Harry's cheek.

"We'll see you in a while, love."

"'Bye, then, Potter," Moody patted his shoulder.

"Take care, Harry," said Lupin. "Keep in touch."

"You're not coming?" Mel asked.

"I'm afraid not," The man said, hugging her one last time. "We have work to do."

"I could help if you want," Erick responded quickly.

"You're not going anywhere," Mel argued, holding his arm protectively.

"Maybe later, kid," Lupin answered, staring at them in slight amusement.

"We should move," Emily responded before Erick could argue back.

"Harry, we'll have you away from there as soon as we can," Mrs Weasley said. "And of course, Emily dear, all of you are invited."

"We'll see you soon," said Ron shaking Harry and Erick's hands.

"Really soon," Hermione added. "We promise."

Harry then summoned a real, loving smile. He waved at everyone goodbye and then turned to Mel and Erick.

A strange thought came to her when she watched those two boys standing next to her and her mother: Family.

Difficult times were ahead, but they would go through them. Together.

"Well," Harry scratched the back of his neck. "I'll see you later."

Erick sat in the backseat with restless curiosity, examining every detail.

"First time?" Mel grinned, looking over to the older boy and her little brother, completely asleep on the baby chair. "If you feel like vomiting don't stress, I get carsick too..."

"Ready?" Emily asked.

Mel stroke Grey's head and turned around to face forward.

Yes, she was ready.

Next Part —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @hamiltonwc @omiwashere @t-rexs-world @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @21bruhs @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @dielgonacoffee @thelastpyle

#twoidiots writing #hp fanfic #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter xoc #WITT fic

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thejustmaiden · 4 years

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Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #sesshomaru #rin #jaken #anti sessrin #child grooming #family dynamics #parent child relationship

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a-crimson-lion · 4 years

Text

Here's The Thing...

[Apologies in advance for those who are offended by the following post.]

Most People: Aw, look at these boys! Their relationship has grown so much! Why can't people see that when the evidence is right in front of-

Me: ...

Most People: What?

Me: Nope, I don't want to start.

Most People: Oh come on, man! You're always whining about how their dynamic is "flawed" and "toxic" and all that. This is a really wholesome momen-

Me: Did you not read earlier in the chapter?

Most People: ...what?

Me: Earlier in the chapter. Just before this panel. Right after All Might revealed Nana's Quirk...

Most People: Oh, you mean their banter? Yeah, that was adora-

Me: Katsuki literally told Izuku he wasn't go to catch up. He persistently reiterated the idea that he was going to get better while Izuku would get left behind wasting his time.

Most People: Well, yeah, but that's just Katsuki's way of encourageme-

Me: Would you feel encouraged or insulted if you had just recently gotten your new Quirk ON TOP OF a surprise new Quirk in the span of less than a year and then someone else would say you were incapable of learning how to handle more Quirks?

Most People: But Izuku doesn't seem bother-

Me: What you don't know can't hurt you. You can have a problem and never acknowledge it.

Most People: But... but...

Me: And let's talk about the start of the chapter, hm? Katsuki has no obligation to be in the room despite being in on the secret, so he could really just leave any time he wants-

Most People: But All Might was wasting time!

Me: And Katsuki says they're wasting his time. Not Izuku's, not the group as a whole, just Katsuki. He could have still told All Might to move the conversation along without making it about himself, but he didn't do that. Do you know how unnecessary that is?

Most People: ...

Me: All Might then talks about how the users of One For All operated. How they all died early in their lives, how the weren't the best, but they were something. And what does Katsuki say?

Most People: ...

Me: He says they have lame Quirks. He calls them a bunch of nobodies. He just straight up disrespects what they've been through, opting to focus on how flashy they were instead of their actions, in a typical Katsuki fashion. This kid has seen Blackwhip, he knows how smart Izuku can be, and yet he's putting all that aside tp maintain his own ludicrous ego.

Most People: ...

Me: I already mentioned the banter that occured between Izuku and Katsuki, but once again: does Katsuki offer to help Izuku? Does he offer any constructive insight? Does he keep his mouth shut? No, no, and no. He opts to once again bolster his pride, and drag down Izuku's in the process. That panel up there? That's not "Friendship Goals." That's a boy trying to hold a civil conversation with a megalomaniacal egotist who's barely even trying to learn how to be a decent person. Izuku doesn't even flinch because he's dealt with this for about a decade. How exactly is their friendship great?

Most People: But... but Dad Might-

Me: All Might's no help here, either. He knows just as much about Izuku and Katsuki's past as anyone else. He's as in the dark as everyone else. And I doubt he had many friends of his own during childhood, unless David Shield and Nighteye count later down the line.

Most People: ...but... but didn't Izuku say that he never thought he could speak to Katsuki so naturally?

Me: So? Everyone else could talk to Katsuki just fine in spite of his garbage personality. Sure, it's special that Izuku did it, but it's not impossible. Besides, it's not like Katsuki's saying anything new or helpful back to Izuku.

Most People: But... but the Wonder Duo!

Me: No. I'm done. I already said too much, and you all aren't going to take me seriously anyway. I'm sorry if I'm offending you right now, but I'm just calling it like I see it. And what I'm seeing is that Katsuki still hasn't changed all that much in spite of it being almost a year. I'm seeing that you're using Izuku's protagonist status to justify that because he sees himself and Katsuki as friends, they are friends, even though in reality Izuku, like any other protagonist, is not right all the time or perfect all the time, and therefore his word should not be taken at face value. I'm seeing through All Might and most of the fandom that you'll be wearing your rose-tinted glasses and completely ignore a person's actions in favor of what you wish to see because the alternative is too uncomfortable or too difficult to process. I'm not seeing what everyone else is seeing and frankly, I don't want to.

Most People: ...

Me: Sorry for wasting your time. Carry on.

-Crimson Lion (19 January 2020)

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #anti bakugo #anti bakugou #meta #character analysis #rant #long rant #vent #long vent #bnha 257 #i needed to get this off my chest #it really bothered me

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hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty · 5 years

Text

Reset! Rant (part 3)

Chapter: 16

That familiar feeling of rage returned to him. His fist and teeth clenched and he had the urge to hit something, preferable someone. Bart was the first thing that came to his mind, but he had better control of his Impulses than his brother did. He couldn't let Thawne win.

This is another big hypocrisy moment. He is not better at controlling his impulses than Bart is. Whenever he gets angry, he starts insulting and picking on Bart. He hurt Bart before because he couldn't take Kon making fun of him, and while doing so, he made the mission more dangerous and more prone to failure. He let's his anger out on Bart every time, and he had multiple agressive outburst. He's not as in control as the story leads on.

Bart hopped to his feet and rocked on his heels. "I screw up all the time. Everyone says so. That's why I'm not supposed to do the hero thing without an adult. That's why I wasn't invited to join the Teen Titans."

"Are you kidding me?" Thad's tone was sharp and angry. "What business does anyone have in telling you you how to help people? What business do you have in even listening to them? I don't see you calling yourself Kid Flash and running at Wally's side like and obedient puppy. You're not a side kick."

...................................."In any case, we're more than capable of operating on our own. We don't need some nosy busybodies lording over us and expecting obedience just because of the legacy we inherited."

At the first glance, this looks like Thad trying to emotionally support Bart and make him feel better. At the second look, not so much. Let's untangle what exactly is happening in this conversation. Bart is explaining why he is still supposed to have adult supervision, namely because people think that he can't handle missions on his own and that he'll mess up. Then Thad argues that he's not a side kick and therefore no one should tell him how to do the hero thing. Which...doesn't really makes sense. It was said that the reason why people are convinced that Bart can't be a hero without some guidance is not because he's part of a legacy, it's because they think that because of his impulsiveness and trouble at focusing he will screw them up. They're not expecting obedience because Bart is part of a legacy, they're expecting a willingness of Bart to work with a mentor because he's not experienced enough and will mess up at being a hero, otherwise.

Thad is self-projecting here. If he didn't misunderstand the situation for being about legacy, he wouldn't have tried to make Bart feel better. I'm certain he's just saying this because he's angry about the legacy he is conected to. The only reason Thad rants about Wally is because it reminds him of his situation with his legscy, and not becaus he's mad at Wally for being mean to Bart. Again, Thad is doing this for himself.

Remember when I told you to keep in mind what Thad said about Bart somewhere in Chapter 11? "Bart lacks the capacity of forethought that is requiered in an operation like this"? Also remember how Thad is always insulting Bart's intelligence, criticizes him and says that he won't survive without him? So what about the "In any case, we're more than capable of operating on our own"? This is not Thad suddenly making a turn around and seeing the flaws of his thoughts he had earlier. Thad's always saying what fits his interests best. He changes his opinions on whatever suits him best at the moment. He's such an obvious hypocrit at this point. He's bending his opinions on whatever he needs them to be. This is one of the most in your face instance of Thad gaslighting Bart. Through denial, controdiction and lies relating to his actions and words, he's planting seeds of doubt in Bart. Thad is making Bart question his own perception of memory, perception of reality and his sanity, whether Thad is intentionally gaslighting Bart or not doesn't matter. It's still damaging.

Chapter: 17

Thad thumped his fist against the garage door. "At least I had Craydl before. Now, I'm stuck with you." He glared at Bart again.

Gosh what a horrible fate, Thad. I feel so sorry for you. No really, I can't fathom what an awful nightmare this must be for you! He can never be satisfied, can he? He can count himself lucky that Bart is tolerating his toxic behavior. He is stuck with Thad. Bart is the one who has to put up with his constant belittling and verbal abuse. No one forced Thad to stay at Bart's home, Thad just decided that it now be that way. If it bothers him so much he could've asked to stay with the Garricks. Which would've also made more sense for everyone involved because Jay has superspeed and can look after Thad in case he would try to kill anyone else again.

Also note how Thad is threatening Bart through his gestures.

"Besides, mom said I'm the big brother and that's what big brothers are supposed to do." Rolling his eyes, Thad snorted, "Thanks for the touching moment, but it's not making my situation any better."

This is a form of withholding. It's also condescending demeanor.

Thad clenched his jaw and fists and said nothing in return. He stalked back into the house, punching the doorframe as he passed by.

He threatens Bart yet again.

I'm pressing buttons", Thad snapped. "What does that accomplish? This-" He pointed at the television, "is frivolous. It does nothing!" Bart tilted his head, looking at his brother then the controller. Then, without a word, he punched Thad. Startled, Thad stared at him, and then noticed the surprised expressions on Jay's and Helen's faces. Bart stood up. "Well, aren't ya gonna hit me?" Thad eyed Bart warily and stood. "What is this? Is this a trick?"

"No I'm serious. Hit me." When Thad hesitated, Bart insisted, "Fighting game im real life. Right here." Helen sucked in a breath as she realized what Bart was up to. "Not in the house." Bart nodded and grabbed Thad's arm. "C'mom! I know a place that's still in Manchester." When they ran off, Jay tipped his head to Helen. "I'll keep an eye om them." Once the boys were sure that nobody other than Jay was watching, Bart faced Thad with a combative stance.

Thad struck with a punch and Bart blocked with his forearms. Jay stood aside and watched, ready to intervene in case the fight got out of hand. Every now and then, a particularly solid strike by either boy, he tensed up and stepped forward, but they would continue on as if there was nothing to worry about. As Jay watched, he saw Thad smile for the first time. It was a wicked, predatory grin, full of bloodthirsty pleasure. Bart wasn't smiling. Instead, it was taking everything he had to hold himself against Thad. Sparks of static and stray speed force lightning trailed after them. Then Thad slipped past Bart's defenses and slammed down with an elbow and up with a knee. The next thing Bart knew he was looking up at Jay's concerned face. The elder speedster held out an arm to halt Thad. Thad's yellow eyes gleamed and he was still smilling, spoiling for more. Jay held out his other hand to help Bart to his feet. "You all right, son?"

This whole scene is so wrong, in so many ways, for so many reasons. Yes, you read this right. Bart suggested that Thad beat him up in order to let Thad get rid of his anger. Jay and Helen hear this offer, and say fucking nothing about it. Once again, they're irresponsible and neglectful. Helen shows absolute zero concern for Bart's well being. For crying out loud, the first thing she says after she realizes what Bart's suggesting is: "Not in the house." I repeat, the first thing that comes to her mind after she hears that Bart offers getting beat up by Thad is: "Oh no! My poor house! Everything will be so messed up!" I mean, damn. You have to be a really neglient, bad parent when you're more concerned with the state of your house than with the physical and mental health of your child. Helen and Jay should have been disgusted and put off by this offer. Helen should have said something along the lines of: "If Thad has anger issues, then that is his problem to work through, not yours. It's not your responsibility to keep his emotions under control. You are not his personal punshing bag, and you shouldn't put his well being before your own. No one expects you to make sacrifices like that for him." But nope, she is more afraid of what will happen to her precious kitchen than of the fact that Thad might break every bone that Bart has in his body because he feels like it. They both know what Bart is suggesting, and they don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever. They should have been horrified by this suggestion.

And keep in mind: This all happens after Thad killed the clone and almost killed Max and Bart. Helen knew of both altercations. She knows how brutal and vicious he can get. She knows that Thad is quick to violence, so why isn't she more concerned? Wouldn't she be at least a little scared that Thad might kill Bart because he can't control his brutal urges again? The only resonable explanation I can find is that she doesn't care about Bart. That's why she let's this happen, that's why she allows Thad to emotionally abuse Bart and call him names right in front of her eyes. She never makes Thad apologize for what he does to Bart, not even once. I don't like accusing her of favoritism, but that is what it looks like. Seeing how dispicable Thad's actions and words are is not that hard. Helen should have noticed by now. Jay isn't much better in this. He watched until Thad hit Bart so hard that he fainted and collapsed. I know that I couldn't stand idly by while watching a kid beat up another kid until he lost his conciousness and still feel like a good person.

If you think that we've hit rock bottom yet with this scene, think again.. Jay's and Helen's complete lack of concern makes Bart's actions seem like this was a healthy, acceptable way of helping people deal with their anger. That this is something normal in a sibling relationship. Worse, that offering someone to hurt you so that they can relieve their anger is something that is expected of you. A relationship where one part is expected to take responsibility for the other's negative emotions is a twisted, damaging one. You get what this is saying? "Someone's anger justifies them hurting and beating you up." This is just as bad as "abuse justifies abuse" (Which is also being taught here.) God, those are terrible, atrocious morals to teach to people. What Helen should have done with Thad the moment he moved in with them was taking him to an anger management class and getting him a good therapist, not ignore/encourage Thad's abusive tendencies.

Jay sat down at the table. "He's not as mean as his brother though. That kid...For his own grandfather to make him like that..." Jay shook his head with a frown. "If I ever get a chance to meet that man..." He clenched his fist on the table. "I hope I never do."

"Same here", Helen replied.

Seems like Thad's not the only one who takes a liking to being hypocritical and two-faced. This makes total sense, talk about poor Thad and all the abuse he went trough, but completely ignore the fact that he is abusing and actively inflicting pain on Bart right now. They're furious about what Thawne did to Thad, but when Thad does the same things to Bart it's totally okay and fair. In case you couldn't tell, this is a shit moral. Stop trying to justify abuse by saying that the abuser has been trough a lot and just needs an outlet. Having been abused does not give Thad the right to ruin Bart's life. It does not give him the permission to be a toxic jerk to him. He should be held accountable for his actions. Abuse doesn't justify abuse.

Chapter: 18

"So, you don't know anything on how to properly maintain it." Thad snorted and rolled his eyes. "Wonderful. Do you know where engineering is? Take me there. I'll do what you neglected to do and actually learn about the mechanics of this ship." Bart opted to ignore Thad's nasty tone, brushing it aside as just how Thad talked.

....................................

"If I'll get lonely, I'll come visit." Thad snidely assured. Not wanting to listen to another degrogatory rant, Bart decided to just let Thad find the room on his own.

This is critizising and judging and a put down, delivered with a very very condescending tone and manner. Do me a favor and take a shot everytime you read the sentences "Thad snorted" or Thad rolled his eyes." You'll be drunk in no time, trust me. Bart has been exposed to Thad's emotional abuse so long that at this point he is willing to accept Thad's verbal abuse as normal.

Chapter: 19

Thad:"They probably got distracted by with something shiny."

Thanks again Thad, for enforcing hurtful insults and exaggerated stereotypes about people with ADHD.

Thad:"Moron! Can't you come up with something that simple?"

Again with the name calling and the put down linked to Bart's ADHD.

"He's a nuisance" grumbled Thad.

"Not that I've had much first hand experience, but that's what siblings generally are, from what I've heard."

"So wanting to strangle Bart is normal?" Cissi laughed. "Everyone's wanted to strangle Bart at one point or another. That's just him."

Oh now it all makes sense! It's Bart's own fault for being abused because he's so annoying! Remember folks, if you've been abused, it's your own fault. If you hadn't been so burdensome, they wouldn't have treated you this way. They can't be responsible for their actions, it has to be you! How can we expect them to control their impulses and get a handle on their anger? That really would be too much to ask of them. The victim is to blame for being abused, that's obviously the logical conclusion here, right? God I hate this fic so much.

This whole conversation serves one purpose: Normalizing and rationalizing Thad's repugnant behavior towards Bart. Look! This is how healthy sibling relationships work! This is how they're supposed to be! Except not really.

This conservation is actually very cleverly done, because it only shows Thad's oppinion while stimuntaneously making it seem like Cissi agrees with his values about relationships when she's really not. They're coming from two completely different points of views, but that is concealed here.

Starting with the "He's a nuisance."

"That's what siblings generally are."

I get her statement, there will be many times when one can get annoyed with their sibling and not find themselves in an abusive relationship. Every sibling pair fights and argues, that's in the nature of things. It only gets problematic when that's literally the only thing you do. When the only thing you are to each other is an annoyance and someone to get mad at. When every encounter with them ends in hurtful words and accusations. Indicating that your brother/sister is sometimes a nuisance in a playful, teasing way is fairly common in healthy sibling relationships. "Those 5 minutes before you were born? Haha, those were the best 5 minutes of my life." Something like this is normal. The problem here? Thad doesn't mean what he says in a sarcastic or playful way. He's completely serious with this. This is all he sees in Bart. An annoying idiot who always stands in his way. There's no sympathy and no compassion for Bart. Only unjustified resentment and hatred. See, in a positive brother or sister relationship the individuels really love each other. Despite the jokes they sometimes make about not wanting the other around, they see more in their sibling than an annoyance. Thad doesn't, and that's what Cissi misunderstands. Thad is dead serious about his feelings towards Bart in this conversation. All he sees in Bart is a nuisance he has to tolerate. He has nothing but contempt for him. He doesn't try to see more in him than that. Thad has no right to complain about Bart. He has been nothing but nice to him. Despite all the shit he put Bart through, despite Bart still tolerating and trying to support Thad in every way he could, Thad somehow still has the audacity, the arrogance to make himself out to be the victim in this situation. Thad is an abusive jerk to him, if anyone has the right to vent, it's Bart.

Moving on to the "So wanting to strangle him is normal?" argument. Feeling a desire to hurt your sibling 24/7 just for existing isn't normal. Cissi means what she say in a more playful, harmless way. None of Bart's friends would go through with harming Bart because he was annoying them. There's a big difference between wanting to do something, and actually doing something. Moreover, Cissi doesn't get that Thad would like to hurt Bart all the time and not only when he was being annoying. Thad wants to hurt Bart even when he is nice to him. Thad means it in a "If Bart looks im my direction one more time I might strangle him and I really don't care if I accidently suffocate him and he dies." Cissi doesn't. Thad is aggressive and violent to him for absolute no reason. The emotions Thad feels towards Bart aren't normal, not in the least. Stop trying to justify his abusive behavior.

And, I think this goes without saying, hurting someone solely because they're annoying you isn't okay, either.

#tw manipulation #tw abuse #sibling abuse #bart allen #impulse #inertia #reset!rant

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