#they're often lost causes unfortunately

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I'm planning to draw/write a character who, due to an accident, got quite a bit of scarring on her face and lost an eye. Would they need a prosthetic eye? While searching, everything I found included a step of "And then you'll get fitted for your prosthetic eye", making it sound as if everyone who loses an eye needs to have one, but what would happen if someone didn't? Additionally, would there be a difference between never wearing one and wearing one at first, then stopping?

Hi, thank you for your ask!

Generally it's considered beneficial to have something replace the eye because without it the eyelids will droop and the socket will shrink. It also (more importantly) protects the tissue that's left from things that could potentially get inside, which could cause infection. As far as I was able to research, the former is mostly aesthetic (in adults/people who finished growing, which I'm assuming your character is) but the latter is very important.

However; it doesn't necessarily need to be a prosthetic ("glass") eye - they're the most common option, but eye patches and conformers all protect the socket from debris and stuff just fine (in fact any kind of sealed eyewear probably would). Prosthetics and conformers are medically roughly the same while eye patches do nothing to help the socket or eyelids keep their original shape. (I made a very long post about eye patches but TLDR, I think they're too often associated with frustrating stereotypes and tropes.)

Prosthetic eyes are unfortunately extremely expensive and need professional regular care that a lot of people can't afford, so not everyone can use them. Conformers (basically big, transparent contacts) are an alternative that some people might choose. You can't really see them when they're inside the socket. Here is a very interesting video about conformers and prosthetics by Clay Butler. I wrote a video description and transcript here because the original doesn't have them. It explains a lot of things in a very comprehensible way from a first-person perspective. If you want something that makes sense other than a prosthetic this could be a great thing to consider :) (smile)

If someone doesn't have anything to protect their socket, they risk infection and all the problems associated with it. So you technically could go fully bare, but it's less than ideal. I've also heard that the sensation of eyelid going over the eye socket is uncomfortable (because it's so bumpy) but I assume it depends on the person.

I believe that the difference between never wearing any protection and wearing-then-stopping would just be how fast the things I mentioned in the second paragraph would set in. So if your character recently stopped wearing a prosthetic or conformer, their general eye area would probably look more "normal" than if they never wore it at all.

Here's also the facial difference post that I always link for people making characters with facial scars, which might be helpful to you.

I hope this helps 🙂 (smile emoji)

mod Sasza

#anonymous #mod Sasza #face difference #prosthetics #writing disabled characters #writing advice

[mimzy-writing-online]

Since you've mentioned that blind eyes look like normal eyes, would it be offensive to draw a character's eye in another color to indicate blindness (even if it is to differentiate between a blind eye and non-blind eye in a character with partial blindness)?

From an artistic and character design perspective, I think it'd be best to first focus on what causes the character's blindness and if the cause fits the backstory you want to give them. Then, you should draw their eyes to as closely resemble the condition as is realistically possible.

If your character is elderly, then cataracts is a perfectly reasonable cause for their blindness. In which case, I would recommend giving them a normal eye color and then adding white-grey-blue blurred spots that only partially obscure their eyes. Cataracts rarely cover the entire eye, let alone both. However glaucoma and macular degeneration are also super common causes of blindness, and their eyes would not appear any different from a sighted person's, so you would need to be more creative with visually indicating they're blind.

If the character is a warrior who lost their vision in battle, then scars around the eyes are the most straightforward and appropriate indicator of their backstory.

One thing I don't often see in blind characters is characters who are cross eyed or have a lazy eye. The medical term for "lazy eye" is amblyopia and it's very common, especially in people who have been blind for many years and in children and teens. I think that's partly to blame on ableism teaching us to feel uncomfortable at visible differences--which is why villains/antagonists were sometimes made disabled to other them to the audience. Whereas protagonists were described/drawn to be beautiful as a way to tell the audience they should like the character.

Nystagmus is another visible difference but that's very difficult to convey in art unfortunately.

Outside of what a character's eyes look like, there are design choices you can make to indicate/remind the audiences that the character is blind-

For example:

including a cane or guide dog in character design

having the character wear sunglasses but only sometimes, usually in brightly lit places or perhaps in situations where they're tired from recent story events and their eyes might ache

having a character rub their eyes when they're tired. This isn't something I expect sighted people to get, but it's relatable.

having the character hold things close to their eyes to better see, turn their ear to a sound instead of their eyes (especially of there are sighted characters on page looking towards the sound) and touch objects of interest

I hope that helps

#blind character #character crafting #character design

[inkskinned]

but you couldn't, like, see a gay person kissing.

it was alright that i had been catcalled at 12 years old. it was alright that i had been followed and groped at 15. it was okay men were leery and treacherous. it was okay when a man asked me my age and when i said 18, he said, that age is my favorite.

don't you like feeling sexy? i love action movies, but i often have an internal tally of how often a camera will begin at someone's hips and travel to her face only as if by accident. weirdly, you can't show too-much asscrack in the same movie, even if it was the style in the nineties. sort of only apply a tasteful sprinkling of asscrack.

i am wearing a body type that is very easily sexualized. it's a compliment, you'll miss it. it is not his fault, i am told - and then usually with this assurance, someone will compare me to an object. i am, by the way, not using "i become an object" metaphorically. well, you wouldn't wear a precious watch in a dangerous city - i am the watch, in this situation. can you blame a thief for taking a jewel if it was just left out in the open? i think my personhood is the jewel, but sometimes also it is pain. a dog sees a steak. i like this one because it does refer to men as dogs, even if it does literally compare me to a piece of meat (which is, you know, somehow worse than being a dog. at least call me a bitch, babe).

it's inappropriate to show two men kissing, but it's totally normal to hear that "best" age for childbirth is 15. (it's not, by the way. try 20's & 30's. do your fucking reading). and on tv - let's cut from a murder mystery where a woman is shown brutally bloodied, carved into pieces (only pg-13) into a tampon commercial where she runs around, happy and fluttering, refusing to use the word period, white pants abounding. periods: gross, icky. violence, though, is just a gendered currency.

so it's like - you say "can we please treat women like they're people and stop cutting their heads off in advertisements" and then it's like. no actually we needed that woman's bellybutton to sell drain fluid don't like it don't look. and you say "can you please not make every latin person a drug dealer holy shit" and they're like. unfortunately if we don't make the latin person a drug dealer we literally will go rabid. and you say "okay can we at least agree you super don't need to use racist epithets why is this even a conversation we're still having" and they're like. actually my child is a make-a-wish kid and his only wish was that i get to use words that make your skin crawl and if you don't let me use the words it's because you love cancer don't you.

so it's kind of a lost cause. because when something is complicated even a little bit, you find yourself trying to explain that the solution isn't make women cover up, it's that the idea "sexualization of nonconsenting parties is wrong" can also hold hands with the idea "not every expression of fondness is sexual in nature, nor is nonhegemonic sexual expression somehow more inflammatory or inappropriate than its counterpart"- and both of those ideas can also hold hands with "the male gaze is rarely censored despite the massive amounts of societal harm it imposes." but like, that's a big thought. let's just slap "pg-13" on the movie because they actually use the word lesbian. and let's cross our fingers and hope no kid figures out they're lgbt+ before college - otherwise they have access to literally no resources, since even google will censor the results in case they're pornographic. now, if you wanted to know how to hide a body...

when i was a kid i used to keep my eyes on my toes while walking past bra stores, feeling uncomfortable. it was gross to look at ladies, i knew that much. the way the women were posed was... not for me. not even for the people shopping. it was weird. i don't think anyone actually there-for-the-product was like yeah this is inspiring.

and i remember in high school my friends and i were still talking about how uncomfortable we felt in victoria's secret, shuffling our way out into the new england chill. little yellow leaves around our feet. a guy held the door open for us. a few seconds later, he jogged up after us. we were so startled we turned to look. "sorry," he said. "i just wanted to ask how old you all are." we were young then, so we lied and told him we were older. we'd talk about this later - we all thought maybe one of us had dropped our wallet or something. he smiled dolefully. "i just wanted to say you all are fucking beautiful. you have amazing tits on you."

sometimes i wonder. what if one fraction of the effort they put into making sure no gay thing ever occurs onscreen just went into controlling and educating their own fucking population. now wouldn't that be something.

#this is all over the place #im still recovering from nona #this doesn't make sense #i think what im saying is #fuck censorship #friendly reminder the hays code was LITERALLY created to appease nazis :)

[icycoldninja]

Promised (Sephiroth x Reader angst)

You, a youthful, yet extraordinarily sad teenager, were perched atop a cliff, feeling lonlier than ever. Your boyfriend, the young SOLDIER prodigy, Sephiroth, had been sent away to war and you had no idea when he would be back. If he would be back. Every day you traveled up to this precipice, where you two often met in the past. You found yourself curled up on the grass under the tree where you and he had carved your names into the bark.

Sephiroth x Y/N, forever.

Bringing your knees up to your chest and burying you face into them, you began to sob, worry and fear overwhelming you again, as it tended to do so every day.

"Y/N! Hey!" You turned and peered at the source of the voice with teary eyes, surprised to see a familiar, short teenage boy running towards you.

"Seph?" You sprung to your feet, dashing towards him and wrapping him in a tight hug. "You're back! I...I missed you so much." The young boy pulled away from you, standing on his tiptoes so he could plant a kiss on your forehead, all while smiling that sweet, calm smile he always did. You chuckled, remembering how you always teased him for being shorter than you.

"I'm back, you giant," He chuckled, gazing up at you fondly. Hope rising in your chest, you asked if he would be staying long, as there were so many new developments in your hometown; so many things you wanted to show and talk to him about. The look he gave you in response was answer enough; the way his eyes temporarily lost their shine and his mouth curved into the tiniest of frowns told you that the answer was negative.

"I'm...sorry, Y/N," He mumbled, fidgeting with his fingers. "I must go back next week. They're sending me to Rhadoran next." You nodded, crestfallen, though you tried to keep up a cheerful front.

Unfortunately, there was no fooling Sephiroth. His watchful, neon green eyes saw everything.

"I know it's tough," He whispered, taking you by the shoulders and pulling you close. "But you have to hang in there. I promise, when I get back, everything will be different. Just trust me."

You nodded, knowing that this wasn't easy for him either. You had to stay strong, like he was, and take comfort in the fact that soon, the war will be over, and then you could spend more time with your beloved.

"Don't worry," Sephiroth assured you, wrapping his arms around you and resting his head against your chest. "I'll never forget you." You nodded, biting down hard on your lip to keep yourself from bursting into tears. Sephiroth rubbed circles into your lower back; his touch cold because of the leather gloves he was wearing.

"I love you, Seph." You murmured, tightening your hold around him. "I always will. Forever." A faint smile tugged at the corners of Sephiroth's mouth. He pulled away again before fishing in his pocket, soon producing a tiny black case.

"I know we can't officially get married cause we're both still legally children, but..." He opened the case, revealing two simple, yet beautiful silver rings. "I got these from a jeweler who lived in a town we happened to pass through. They're promise rings, kinda like engagement rings, but for kids."

"They're beautiful," You whispered, causing a light dusting of pink to appear on the boy's pale cheeks.

"Really? You really like them?" He sounded uncertain and neverous, yet giddy at the same time. You nodded excitedly as he took one of the rings from the box and slipped it onto your finger.

"I love them, Seph--I love anything you give me." Sephiroth smiled, handing you the box so you could slide the other ring onto his finger.

"We're officially engaged now," He stated, once you were finished. You couldn't help but giggle at how matter-of-factly he'd said it.

"We are!" You cheered, hugging him tightly. Sephiroth let out a quiet sigh as he stood there, trapped in your hold, and silently wished that this moment could last forever.

Unfortunately, nothing ever did. After just one day of relaxing with you, he was once again shipped off to Rhadoran to fight in the front lines. Watching him leave was painful; the joy that had recently filled your heart quickly evaporated into despairing emptiness. He'd only just left and you missed him already. When would he be back?

You asked every soldier that came to your town, "When will Sephiroth be back?" Every time, they never gave you a straight answer. It seemed that they didn't know either.

You soon gave up inquiring and simply observed the passengers of each truck that arrived. Every time one arrived, Sephiroth was nowhere to be seen, and you lost more and more hope; the only thing you had to remind you of him was the promise ring he'd given you, which you wore every day without fail. You would treasure that ring; it was a symbol of your love and dedication, one of the few things that comforted you during these depressing times.

Several years later, you were perched atop that very same cliff once again, curled up under that tree where you and Sephiroth had carved your names, though the words had long since faded from view as bark, moss and flowers had grown over them. The only thing you had left of Sephiroth now was the ring, which still resided on your finger. Just looking at that simple silver band filled you with despair; you were soon sobbing into your arms, the many years of loneliness, worry, and sadness finally taking it's toll.

"Y/N?" A deep voice unfamiliar to you called, followed by the sound of jingling metal and heavy footsteps.

"Go away!" You shouted, thinking it was one of the village folks come to comfort you or persuade you to give up on Sephiroth and date someone else, as they frequently attenpted to do nowadays. The person sat down next to you; a sudden fruity scent filling your nostrils. A cold, gloved hand made its way down to yours, raising it up so that your ring shone in the sunlight.

"I see you still wear my ring." Your head snapped up; eyes widening in shock.

Beside you sat a familiar young man with silver hair and neon green eyes, though he was no longer the short, cute little boy you once knew. He was a tall wall of muscle, with a waterfall of gleaming silver hair; an imposing, threatening aura surrounding him unlike anything you'd ever seen. Was this really the boy you'd exchanged promise rings with all those years ago?

"Miss me?" He inquired, smiling that familiar, quiet smile. He chuckled after you failed to respond, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Do you not recognize me? I'll admit, I have grown," He pulled off one of his gloves to reveal a silver ring identical to yours sitting neatly on his finger. "But I have never forgotten."

Something clicked inside you, prompting you to throw yourself into his arms and pepper his face with kisses, all while tears of joy and relief streamed down your face

"I missed you so, so, so much!" You declared, squeezing him with all your strength. Sephiroth chuckled, pulling you into his lap and kissing your cheek.

"I know, I missed you too. But now, I am home, and now, we can get married. Just as I promised."

#Sephiroth #Ff7 #Ff7 sephiroth #Sephiroth x reader #Final fantasy 7 #ffvii sephiroth #Ffvii #Ffvii fanfic #Sephiroth x reader fluff #Fluff #Angst #sephiroth ff7 #sephiroth ffvii #Sephiroth x reader angst #light angst #angst with a happy ending #icycoldninja writes #Ffvii sephiroth #Ffvii sephiroth x reader

[bonefall]

since kits in BB have more freedom, what would the clans think of a mi who DIDN'T want to let their kits out of camp at all and barely out of the nursery unsupervised? would they be viewed as abusive or just a bit of a helicopter parent? would the clan think perhaps they needed to get the cleric involved?

It would be a huge cause for alarm.

Clan cats see kittens as future warriors, not objects for an individual to possess. The Mi is responsible for the first part of a warrior's childhood, for overseeing their well-being and development. Children aren't pets, they're on a journey towards becoming adults. So the Mi, Ba, and Mentor are NOT entitled to "deprive" their charges of what the Clan believes kits are owed.

So, in a way that might be unfortunate, they will respond to this more effectively than they would respond to physical abuse. Especially because this is a battle culture.

As an example, Hillrunner was REALLY easily able to hide the fact she was thrashing Nightkit and Tawnykit, just by coming up with "punishments" for their bad behavior to deflect attention onto. If she was making them run around with a stone in their mouth for backtalk, it looked like "parenting" to WindClan. But if she had shut down and tried to keep them in the nursery all day, fearful of losing them like she lost Downwind, making them miss major developmental milestones like "first prey," someone would have stepped in.

But anyway, back on a suffocating Mi.

If there are Ba involved in this, it is expected that they would be the ones making that challenge. If the Mi starts preventing them from taking their kits out of the nursery to socialize them, or starts excluding them on "unfair grounds," they might appeal to the Leader or Cleric to become the kit's Mi. In such case, they would decide if the Mi gets to become a Ba or if they're now excluded.

(this is a major reason why there is not more than one Mi; it's not the "mother" role. It's primary guardianship. A Ba and a Mi are not "legally" equal to the Clan.)

If there are no Ba, then it's usually the Educator who would be stepping in. Though another Mi in the nursery could also bring up these concerns, the Educator will often notice just how far behind a kitten has fallen when they come in to teach history and glyphs.

Situations like that are a lot rarer than you'd think though. One of the advantages of a Clan is that it's a community. Friends, parents, siblings, cousins, mentors, and apprentices are meant to be trying to involve themselves in the raising of kits, and the support of their struggling family member. Even standard Clanmates would start wondering why they haven't seen the kittens around.

Extreme paranoia like this usually comes from something traumatic, and ideally you're meant to have a network to help recognize when that's happened to you. If the situation has gotten THAT bad, there's usually some outstanding circumstances for why that is.

#Mi/Ba System #Clan Culture #Better Bones AU

[yanderes-galore]

Here's my first request. It's a normal request for a scenario with Death from Puss in Boots.

Some time ago, we talked about the idea of ​​a cat reader taking Puss in Boots' place after the former's death, so let me refresh your memory. This is a Puss in Boots AU that takes place after The Last Wish. Many years later, Puss finally passed away, but that doesn't mean the legend is over. After the burial, another cat, a big fan of the original Puss, picks a hat, a sword and a pair of boots for themselves and goes on adventures like the original. The reader soon becomes a hero who is not afraid to put their life in danger to save innocent people. What makes this cat different from the original is that the new puss doesn't waste their lives and acts arrogantly. But, unfortunately, they have already lost three or four lives while helping people (either because they were killed in fights or due to an accident). So, the cat's desire to follow the legacy of the previous PIB and their respect for their lives (unlike the original) ends up catching the attention of a certain white wolf.

To make things less confusing when mentioning the cats, i think it would be a good idea to use Puss in Boots (his name) for the original and puss in boots (which is now just a title) for the new one.

I'll see what I can do! Intentions are left ambiguous/can be seen as either romantic or platonic. This wasn't very intense for my plot... so my bad :( I hope you still liked it though!

Copycat

Yandere! Death Oneshot

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, Some sadism, Soft yandere Death, Kidnapping (Technically), Dubious companionship.

Death never really liked cats. They always took life for granted in his eyes. All because they have nine lives they think they're untouchable.

Death has quickly proven such felines wrong... especially a certain orange cat. He was happy Puss in Boots finally learned to take care of himself near the end of his career. But eventually... the wolf claimed him too.

He thought that would be the last time he even heard the title of 'Puss in Boots'. The cat is dead and it's been years. His title is merely a legend.

But as Death watches the world of the living... he notices that name being thrown around again. The wolf had to make sure he was hearing things correctly when he picked up on the words. "Puss in Boots reborn" the people echo... so he checked things out.

Sure enough, another foolish feline has fallen for the legend. That's what Death sighed about as he watched you, a young cat, playing hero in a hat and boots, with a sword in your paws.

Deciding to keep a keen eye on you to see if you'd show arrogance... Death was surprised when you showed none of it. You treated every life you had with care... saving those around you and adventuring. It admittedly eased Death a little bit that he wouldn't have a repeat of your predecessor.

Soon Death realized he wouldn't just be watching you from a distance. Adventuring and saving others puts heroes in danger. Sometimes...

Sometimes heroes even meet a few close calls with Death himself.

Death recalls the first time he met you, the newest little Copycat. You looked so scared when he approached you, the wolf stalking over to you slowly. He really loved your fear... but now was not your time.

"Quite the little outfit you've got..." The wolf whispers. "You remind me of an old friend... but this is only your first life lost, cat."

It's then he releases you, allowing you to use your first life. You're down to eight and still doing your usual activities with care. Death admittedly found himself attached... often watching you as you save other souls.

Such a kind cat... much different from the usual troublesome felines.

Of course, as nature with your little job, you'd eventually meet Death again. Quite a few times, actually. Death liked every single one of your meetings.

He always said you lost your lives for a good cause. He appreciated that quality of yours. He only ever found himself looking forward to the day he eventually takes you for himself.

As for most, there was no way to keep Death away forever. Every meeting... every time he watched you live your life... he thought of the time he'd eventually take you away. You wouldn't like it... he knows it...

But he hopes to keep you as a companion... a reminder that cats can prove themselves.

Your lives tick down like the sand in an hourglass. Over time Death continues to meet you. His grin is wider the more accidents and lives pass.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

Upon your last life you feel it is time to retire. While the wolf... Death... acted as an old friend... he would become an enemy soon. You didn't want to depart from your life quite yet...

But that wasn't your decision... it never truly was...

Death was always the one who let you live.

Even if you ran and tried to postpone meeting your maker, Death would always follow. You can hear him call out to you, a whistle accompanying him. The wolf always chuckled when he saw your fear.

Truthfully... you shouldn't be scared. The wolf would never hurt you unless you fought him. He can peacefully take you to the afterlife.

You just need to stop fighting him.

He guessed it was natural you fought him. Your predecessor fought with him too. Yet... he thought you were better than that.

Your fight to keep your remaining life would end soon. Your paranoia leads to another accident. Your lives going from one to zero in an instant.

Leading to Death standing over you, a grin on his face as piercing red eyes stare into you.

"You should really consider me a friend, cat..." He whispers, leaning down to look at you. "I've helped you this far... but you were going to come back with me eventually."

"I'm not ready yet..." You whispers, Death rolling his eyes.

"Trust me... you are. In the end... this is meant to be. You belong with me." The wolf scoops you up, a sadistic grin on his face. "The wait was worth it... the chase was fun..."

The wolf begins to walk away with you, the prize he's wanted all along. He feels you struggle but shakes his head. It was inevitable...

"But it's time to take you back where you belong, Copycat. I'll take good care of you in your new home."

#yandere puss in boots #yandere puss in boots the last wish #yandere death #yandere death the wolf

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Idk if the emoji thing works but 🐺

AITA for ignoring my friend's relationship and waiting for it to end?

Background: I (20F) have known my best friend (19X) since we were 14. We've gone through a few different friend groups (nothing dramatic, just fading relationships) but have always stuck with each other, partially because we are both autistic. I know them very well and they have said that I am their main support system. They have BPD which causes them to get obsessed with someone, which normally I would not think is my business, but they have a history of getting obsessed with people who hurt them, and I've always tried to warn them if I felt someone had bad intentions.

They've recently escaped their abusive household which is really exciting but I worry might make them feel lonelier because they've been getting into more of these situations recently. There were a couple minor relationships where someone broke a boundary causing them to have a breakdown, but neither affected their safety. And a few months ago they were talking to an older man online who I got weird vibes from but only mildly hinted to them he was creepy, which made me feel guilty when it ended up being way worse than I thought and became a disaster.

About three weeks ago, they started roleplaying with some guy on twitter, which I didn't think much of since they mainly just talked about what a good writer he is and he seemed fine. But then they asked what I would think if they started dating him even though he's in his 30s and I kinda thought they were just looking for a reason not to do it, so I said no he's too old for you. But then they started trying to convince me it was a good idea which only made me more hesitant. Their evidence in favor included that he used to be in the military (they know i hate the military so I do not know why they admitted this) and pictures of him (I am gay so this would not convince me regardless). They seemed surprised by my negative reaction, I said sorry but you asked for my honest opinion, they understood and I thought this was the end of it.

But now they're legitimately online dating and they talk about him all the time, they don't seem to understand that I am not a fan of this relationship and expect me to react positively to everything he does. I don't react negatively or completely ignore them I just go "ok" or "cool." They might not notice this because I often have times where I can't speak much so it's unfortunately normal for me.

I haven't noticed any other red flags from this guy other than the age gap and the military thing, but those seem a lot worse to me because of my friend's history and penchant for ignoring red flags, so I feel like if something worse was going on I wouldn't even know. Apparently he's going to come visit them in August (it's January as I send this) and I feel like that's enough time that the relationship will either die out or end horribly before he actually has the chance to physically be around them.

I feel torn in two different ways. On the one hand, I know that I'm paranoid and overprotective, not to mention scared of men, so I could just be overreacting to the situation. I don't think he's going to murder them or anything, but they're sensitive and I don't want them to add someone to the long list of people who traumatized them. They ARE a legal adult so it technically shouldn't be a big deal but they're the first person to be creeped out by legal age gaps, they just don't seem to apply this logic to themselves. I'm also not super experienced in relationships, I've only had a few short casual ones so I am not at all an expert.

On the other hand, I felt like shit when the situation with the other guy blew up even though they never blamed me for it. I feel like I should be doing more to dissuade them but they didn't seem to care when I warned them before so I feel like it's a lost cause and I don't wanna be pushy, I want them to genuinely understand why it's not a good idea.

I feel like I'm damned if I do damned if I don't, so I've kinda just settled on passively not really giving them feedback on the relationship in the hopes they'll figure it out themselves? As always I check in on them, try to give them positive attention so they're not desperate for it, and if the relationship actually lasts til August I'll make sure I know their location so they can tell me if they feel unsafe.

I feel like an asshole no matter what I do, so what I'm asking specifically is AITA for basically just ignoring the situation hoping it solves itself? Either because I should be supporting it or because I should bring up my concerns with them again.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Ough augh uhm uh. Any of the mandela catalogue victims (you can pick!!) with a long-distance friend reader who keeps an eye on them and opens their home up to them and their family they would want to evacuate? They just want to help in anyway they can :(

Yeah! Also in terms of "long distance" we'll say Reader lives in a different county with no Alternates or Alternate activity reported (but they're still aware of the invasion bc they keep up with the news).

......

Adam

As much as he appreciates you keeping in touch, he's dead set on staying where he is and and investigating Alternates.

He refuses to leave. Like ever.

After hearing about Jonah's death your concern over his safety only grows, and you even tell him he can bring Evelin should he change his mind-

Only to quickly learn they broke up a while ago, with him not even caring about her either..

Still, you insist that it's not too late for him to leave, though part of you fears that M.A.D already got to him (or you weren't actually speaking to Adam anymore).

His "obsession" with the Alternates has gone too far and you even threaten to drive down to Mandela yourself to convince him.

But he snaps that he doesn't want to be found by anybody before hanging up.

You haven't heard from him since, as he ignores your phone calls and PMs. You presume he's dead.

Cesar

He trusts you a lot despite the long distance and would 100% take you up on that offer.

But only if his mom is allowed to come along, of course. Though you assure him there's plenty of room for them both!

As much as he hates to leave the town and school, it's simply too dangerous for them to stay any longer.

He thought the broadcasts were just fear-mongering tactics if anything, but if you believe they're serious enough to warrant an evacuation...he'll take it seriously too

He hoped Mark would come with them, but unfortunately he doesn't trust you, an online "stranger", 100%. You understand though.

So he's left behind in Mandela.

And Vol 1 plays out as normal.

If Cesar ever learned that his friend died to an Alternate...he's gonna hold onto that guilt for a while, wishing he could have convinced him more.

Jonah

Your late night texts/calls have stopped him from having one too many panic attacks about everything that's been going on in Mandela.

He confides in you about the pressure he feels running from the law and BPS missions, and you simply listen. You reassure him he doesn't have to keep doing this.

If he ever wanted to leave, you'll let him and his dad stay with you; you give him your address and tell him just to consider it.

Let's say he survives Vol 2 by destroying the radio so Six stopped talking, before driving nonstop until he reaches your place, frantically knocking on your door.

When he finally sees you face-to-face for the first time....he immediately cries into your arms, exhausted.

It takes him a while to calm down, and even longer for him to confess that he abandoned Adam.

He's torn whether he was selfish or not for leaving, but just like always you're on Team Jonah, reassuring him that he did the right thing.

Adam, on the other hand, was like a lost cause. He could've gotten both of them killed.

Mark

Besides Cesar, you became a good friend of his despite only ever hearing your voice through calls and online chats.

You sound like a genuinely kind person, always looking out for him and up for talking into the late hours whenever he felt stressed or depressed.

When broadcasts of the Alternate invasion came out, you invited him to stay with you in your county--which was completely free of those "demons", as he called them.

He jumps at the first opportunity, not caring about school or anything anymore, packing whatever he needed.

Poor guy's far too paranoid to live in Mandela anymore.

He feels kinda awkward staying in your guest room, often asking you if it's alright for him to pray.

Whether you're religious or not, you reassure him it is. He's safe.

#rip adam but the other guys are built different #clanask #mandela catalogue x reader #tmc x reader #adam murray #cesar torres #jonah marshall #mark heathcliff #platonic #headcanons

[tunabesimpin]

🐟 TWST SONA INFO 🐟

Did I rush this a lil cause i was struggling to focus? maybe- BUT HERE IS NEW TUNA REF! (no major changes but a few minor lore tweaks, I just felt a new one would be nice to do ^v^)

BASIC INFO

TAG : #twst tuna

Name : Tuna Class : 3-A (Student no. 28) Birthday : September 8th Age: 18 Height : 160 cm Dominant Hand : right Best Subject : PE Hobby : art Dislikes : Being told what to do! Favorite Food: Potato dishes and Cheesecake! Least Favorite Food : Eggplant! Talents : Fast Learner

Quick Summary: Curious and a constant day dreamer at heart. Despite their quietness, Tuna is happy to jump in to help, especially so if the it seems like something interesting. Often off doing their own thing, they aren't fond of crowds and try hard to avoid group speaking. However they'd speak up or take leadership if truly necessary.

APPEARANCE

Hair is natural gray with blue dyed tips, styled short in length. Overall body type is rectangular and flat, they have a slightly lean build with strong thighs and forearms. Kinda short, but height isn't anything they care for on themselves. Prescription glasses that only come off if Tuna is exercising or have lost them LOL. Has a few piercings; belly button piercing, dimple piercings, 0g Gauges, helix on right ear, and extra lobe piercing above gauges. Overall Fashion tends to be comfy/ baggy clothes with no design on them OR color coded outfits. Has an interest in big/ chunky shoes and mary janes.

PERSONALITY + BACKGROUND

Tuna is originally a non-magical human from the Shaftlands. Unfortunately curiosity got the best of them and while watching a big magic fight they got caught in the middle of things. This ended in them getting cursed! What's the curse? They turn into a catfish if strong magic is used near or at them. (Did they turn into one while overblots were happening? yes. Were they confused? absolutely) On the bright side for some reason they can use a magic now!

With the new discovery of magic their family sent Tuna off to NRC to hopefully let them learn how to make the most of things! They end up in Octavinelle dorm. Sexuality and identity wise, Tuna is asexual and nonbinary, they/them are preferred pronouns!

Personality wise Tuna is often seen aloof, but don't let that scare you off! They actually just are really bad at talking and opt to listen rather than talk. This also leads to them having few close friends and tending to go off and do things on their own. They can be a bit stubborn, but are easy to coax into doing things if you have the right reasoning or reward for them.

Academically, they've got good grades. However harder subjects like math tend to drop as they refuse to do work outside of class. If they can't finish the homework in class they're doing it at lunch or in between classes to avoid doing it during their free time.

In their free time Tuna likes to go adventuring, seeing animals in nature, hopping around trails, or just wandering the school grounds accompanied by their fav tunes. At night though they like to practice tumbling and flips. Outside of these they do art or listen to music.

ABILITIES

UM- Curiosity Killed the Cat! "I simply can't help myself! It's a matter of need, a matter of greed! Fulfil my Curiosity! Curiosity killed the cat!" -This unique magic allows Tuna to cast a veil over themselves and others within their touch to become undetectable! -It provides a stealth buff and hearing buff, allowing the users sounds to be muted and for other surrounding people to be easier to hone in and listen to. -This spell is hefty and excessive use (from using for too long or just too often) can cause major blot and other side effects. -side effects include: other senses become slightly weaker, ears may ring or be sensitive to loud noises, phantom noises/ lingering noises -Strong magic users with high spatial awareness may be able to see through this UM if they happen to look directly at the caster. Fishy Beginnings - Insight into just how Tuna received their curse and how they figured out the details into how to activate the curse as well as their own unique magic!

Fast Learner- They're quick to adapt and learn new things. A sort of jack of all trades, but never really excelling above and beyond in anything.

Strength + Flexiblity + Tolerance- Not super strong, but not exactly weak. They can get to a stand-off with Floyd (as long as he isn't out for blood) and lift most their classmates.

Extremely flexible and double jointed. They also have a high pain tolerance and tend not to realize when they get injured or are sick.

RELATIONSHIPS

Full Relationship & character Sprite chart -> here!

Notable relationships! :

Rook & Tuna: They sometimes share the same brain cell. They are classmates and Rook is one of Tunas fav people. Tuna loves hearing Rooks rambles and follows him around sometimes when he is stalking looking out for other students. Tuna is very curious and Rooks habits only fuels their curiosity.

Kalim & Tuna: Best friends. Their hyper happy go lucky natures bounce off of each other to create the ultra sunshine pair. This duo can be very irresponsible and can get caught up in their excitement. At the end of the day though, Tuna will make sure to protect Kalim from harm!

Floyd & Tuna: Tuna has a big fat platonic crush. They're tend to let themself be lax and free when with Floyd. They hangout a lot and will cause a commotion more often then not, whether it be from playing around or from butting heads. Floyd hasn't realized Tunas feelings... or has he?

Thanks for reading and taking interest in Tuna! ^V^ I greatly appreciate your support and time <3 !!!

#tuna be talkin #twst tuna #twisted wonderland #twst #twst oc #twst fanart #twisted wonderland oc

[pencil-peach]

G Witch Onscreen Text: Episode 1

This is the second part of a project where I try my best to document and discuss all of the (relatively important) text that appears on monitors and screens in G Witch. Cause I can.

<< Click here to see the one I did on the Prologue

ooOOooohhh beneath the cut lie the HORRORS....

Just to give you an idea of how needlessly hard they went on the monitor text, when Suletta is rescuing Miorine, she mentions that she's almost out of oxygen, and then, when she brings her into Aerial's cockpit, on her helmet, you can faintly see text displaying the amount of oxygen.

And THEN, when she starts talking to Miorine, the text on her helmet changes AGAIN to display that the comm link has been established

WHY DID THEY DO THAT????

Well clearly they did it cause they knew my stupid ass would eventually document it. Anyway, let us begin.

TEXT: I am a HARO. You can ask me anything! (The only text on the icons I can make out are MAP and SCHOOL, unfortunately.)

This is the HARO navigation bot Suletta meets when first coming to Asticassia, and we know that it's Haro Navigation System Ver. 3.0! If that's something that interests you....

TEXT: MOBILE CRAFT FUTURE TECHNOLOGY SIZE 6.6m 18.8t

Not much of note, it's just a hologram of a mobile craft. Exciting if you like mobile crafts. (I like mobile crafts)

When the Docks containing the Demi Trainers are locked, the display says LOCKED. When they're in use, the display says IN OPERATION.

TEXT: (Left) PILOTING DEPARTMENT KP001 GUEL JETURK MO-0032G GUEL'S DILANZA 26 WINS 0 LOSS 0 TIE

(Right) PILOTING DEPARTMENT KP029 PARKER EASTCOTT TKG-328 KAPELL-KUU 2 WINS 1 LOSS 1 TIE

The Battle Display for the first duel we see in the show, and from this we can see that Guel currently stands undefeated with 26 wins! Double digits! No wonder he's the ace pilot at Asticassia...too bad he's a dick.

This is the graph that's shown during the Benerit Group board meeting, detailing the earnings of the groups members for the current period.

Interestingly, the 3 highest earners are: Peil Technologies - 8000 Grassley Defense Systems - 8100 Jeturk Heavy Machinery - 8300

So, funnily enough, at the beginning of the story, Jeturk Heavy Machinery is actually the most successful company within the group. It explains why Vim Jeturk felt so comfortable in his plot to assassinate Delling, and goes to show how quickly he fell from the top position after Guel lost to Suletta all those times.

Fun Fact by the way, Prospera's first appearance in the show proper is during this meeting.

She seems kind of annoyed about something.

TEXT: DUEL COMMENCING FIRST TO BREAK MS BLADE ANTENNA IS THE WINNER

We don't see it very often, but during a duel, a display stating the win condition of the duel is broadcast for the benefit of the spectators.

When Miorine boards Aerial for the duel, we get a look at its system control menu.

Top to bottom, left to right, the options are: COCKPIT VOICE RECORDER IDENTIFICATION FRIEND FLIGHT DATA RECORDER NAVIGATION DISPLAY WEAPON SELECTION CONDITION MONITOR COMMUNICATION SYSTEM GROUND POWER UNIT INSTRUMENT FLIGHT RULE SIMULATOR INSTRUMENT APPROACH CHART INSTRUMENT LANDING SYSTEM APPROACH POINT RAM AIR TURBINE

We also get a brief look at the Weapon Selection Sub-Menu

TEXT: SELECT YOUR WEAPON BEAM SABER BEAM RIFLE BEAM VULCAN

I think a lot of the main settings are interesting (what the hell is "Identification Friend?") but what's really interesting to me is that Aerial's Gundbits don't seem to be selectable via the Weapon Menu.

We also get a brief glimpse at the Red Dilanza's control menu.

No idea what I'm looking at, to be totally honest, but yknow. It's nice!

TEXT: EMERGENCY BUTTON

When Suletta intrudes into the duel and gets back in Aerial, we see that it has an emergency button (seemingly somewhere on its foot) that opens the cockpit.

TEXT: COMMUNICATION MODE -OUTERCOM-

When Suletta headbutts Miorine and they start arguing about Aerial, Aerial's comms system gets set to OUTERCOM mode, which explains why everyone outside of Aerial can hear the argument.

This could have been done by accident when Suletta headbutted Miorine, but I like to believe that Eri herself did this on purpose.

Just so it isn't left unsaid, Aerial's Permet ID is XVX-016, and when a combatant in a duel is the Holder, the Holder Symbol is displayed on their Duel Card.

When Suletta is telling Miorine about her mother's motto, the GUND-Bits appear on the monitor and come online as Aerial 'speaks.' This, combined with the fact that the GUND-Bits aren't accessible via the Weapon Select menu, implied all the way back in episode one that it's Eri who controls them. Although interestingly, it seems that, internally, the GUND-Bits are referred to as GUNBITS.

I obviously won't transcribe the two pages of this book, but the book El4n is reading here is actually The World as Will and Representation by German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. We actually see its title in a later episode, and the main ideas present in this work are extremely important when it comes to understanding El4n's character. But that's a story for another post.

TEXT:

YOU ARE THE WINNER OF THE DUEL.

thanks!

TEXT: HOLDER REGISTRATION [SETTINGS]

I always thought it was a little funny how the transferring of the holder title was just like, an option on their phones and not an automatic process.

ADDENDUM:

Thank you to @the-eeveekins for pointing out that Aerial is currently running SYS Ver E.S (Ericht Samaya) as opposed to 2.0 in the Lfrith!

I didn't even notice!! That's crazy!!! Thank you so much!

Also I realize I should probably point out that we see that Nika's ID is LM236 in this photo. She never duels so there's never a moment where she says it out loud.

And that's all for episode 1! Not too much super interesting, but there's still a lot to see and think about if you're paying attention! (Like, why does Aerial have a Cockpit Voice Recorder at all, actually? We know that Suletta often talks with Aerial in the cockpit about personal stuff so...you don't think that....Prospera....?)

Click here to go to Episode 2! >>

Click here to go to the Masterpost!

#g witch #gundam the witch from mercury

[love-toxin]

ok bc im in an RE mood (and replaying the games in anticipation of the remake) I may be having thoughts of being Jill and Carlos' cute little crush that they're constantly competing over and playfighting about 😵‍💫

either you're a fellow U.B.C.S soldier who followed Carlos and Tyrell on the mission into RC or a STARS member that's close with Jill and having to escape her same fate, when all three of you meet and they lock eyes with each other, they both know that it's on. they may be in a literal hellhole, but why not have a little fun before they might die?

if you're a longtime friend of Jill's, she treats you like you're one of the most special people in the world. she talks so highly of you to other people, both when you're not around and when you are, and she's so overprotective of you even if you're a trained officer like herself. once they figure out what (or rather who) Nemesis is after, she's even more protective over you as one of her last comrades from STARS and does just about everything she can to keep the BOW away from you and locked on to her instead. unfortunately for her, that means leaving you under Carlos' care more often than not, but meeting back up with you and having you fuss over her after she's played the hero is just too good to pass up. plus, there's no way in hell she's letting you fight that thing alongside her, so even if you try to she's usually locking a fence shut behind her or slamming the underground shutter closed before you can even think of chasing after her. which, though annoying for you, is the perfect recipe to have you worried and mooning over her every second that she's gone, right under Carlos' nose.

if Carlos is more familiar with you, then he's just plain flirtatious all the time. he certainly doesn't make his affection for you a secret and especially not when Jill's around, cause he knows you and he wants her to see you get all warm-faced and shy or flirt right back at him like it's an inside joke. he probably makes a point of throwing you a "honey, I'm home" when you two rendezvous and even a cheeky "sorry, gotta get back to the wife/husband" when he and Jill have to part ways. he pesters you endlessly with nicknames too, to the point that you probably joke about him not even remembering your real name--but teasing is one of his love languages, along with acts of service as well, which he shows in RC by checking your weapons for you and refilling your magazine without you having to ask. he mostly does it when you're not looking, both because he doesn't want to be interrupted and because you would catch him loading you up with his own ammunition even if it leaves him a little short. he'd rather you have the means to defend yourself than have to scrounge, and potentially put yourself in danger--that's not happening on Carlos' watch. ever. both him and Jill have lost far too many people to let that happen to the bright, beaming little ray of sunshine that might be the last good thing that exists in this wretched world.

it definitely changes depending on how you present yourself, though. because Carlos is much more comfortable flirting openly with you as a female and the opposite goes for Jill--she's still not much of a flirter, but those lingering touches on the arm or especially grateful "thank you"s and "I couldn't have done this without you"s hit a little differently if you're more masculine. if you're on the feminine side, she's more friendly and honestly a little shyer with any sort of praise you give her, although she's much more likely to offer you her shoulder to rest on or a hug to ease your worries. whereas Carlos, if you're on the masculine side, treats you less in a bro-way than he does his other male friends, which makes it immediately obvious to anyone that knows him that he's got the hots for you, while people he's only acquaintances with think he just doesn't get along with you. obviously, if it's just around each other, they do whatever they want--although the two of them individually are a lot more confident depending on how you present, but if you're somewhat neutral, then it's pretty equal.

as far as the actual competition goes, the rules are pretty fluid. if you flirt back? that's a win. if you compliment one of them? extra point. hug them when you're reunited, fuss over their injuries, or tell them "you'd better be careful, don't you dare die on me"? that's more than enough of a triumph for one of them to grin smugly at the other or brag about it while they're talking to each other over the radio.

if they don't come to declare a winner throughout the events of RC (by which they mean neither or both of them got a kiss from you) then the competition doesn't stop there. when they get back to normalcy and spend some more time together as friends and rivals, they come up with new ways to try and win you over. it's not just because they both like you, it's also because you're a welcome distraction from all the psychological and emotional torment they have to deal with from that day, too. they've both already tangled with PTSD before that and it doesn't get any better with Raccoon City under their belts, but your smile always makes it better. sometimes it's only you that makes them feel better.

so what's the best way to do that when you're not around or available to pay attention to them? play-wrestling.

"alright supercop, don't make me go easy on you."

"oh, you're gonna wish I go down easy."

they can barely keep the smiles off their faces whenever they get into position on the exercise mats in Jill's new apartment, knees bent and palms up as they ready themselves for a match. "it's childish and a foolish waste of time", that's probably what any of their higher-ups would say about two ex-soldiers who are considered some of the strongest agents in America, but it's one of the few ways they're able to cope in the aftermath. and despite Carlos clearly having a size advantage over her, Jill's much faster and more agile--which of course means that they're evenly matched more often than not, and it usually only stops once one of them cries uncle or they're interrupted. if you're ever the one that stops by when they're doing so and ask them what the heck they're up to with a giggle, they just share a knowing look and give some vague half-answer as they let their grinning faces speak for themselves.

but of course, just by nature of this little game, they can't keep it up forever. the post-event relief after surviving Raccoon City won't last a lifetime, at one point the two of them will need to move on with their lives and find a new path to venture, even if it means splitting apart from each other. and eventually one of them or neither of them are gonna win with you, but that thought in itself sobers the two of them up more than they anticipated it would. obviously they knew that there'd be an endgame, but it's been so fun spending the time together and becoming such good partners that neither of them want it to end. if the three of us could be together forever, then I think I'd be happy for the rest of my life. the two of them share that sentiment, but what about you? what do you want? they know now that they're happy to spend their own lives together, both as friends and as partners, but would you even consider joining in to such an odd, confounding relationship?

it almost breaks their hearts when they finally, finally work up the courage to ask you, and you just look between the two of them and ask if they're pulling a prank. you would've just laughed it off at once but they seem so serious, and when they double down and explain themselves more it's terrifying to see you look so confused at what they're saying. even moreso when they realize you're taking them seriously, but the only thing you have to ask is: "why me?"

"don't get me wrong, I...I love you both, more than life itself, but why would you pick me? I can't even begin to compare to either of you. you're just....incredible."

of course, knowing how much of a romantic Carlos is, he's probably the one going in for a kiss before that compliment even finishes leaving your mouth. with a hand around your waist and warmth coursing through his body that sends shivers through yours at the contact, you don't even flinch when Jill follows it up with one of her own; a little gentler, but still firm and promising even when she pulls back. and if that's not enough to show you what they mean, well, they've got even more ways to prove their affection for you, maybe in the same vein as all that play-wrestling they love to do....if you catch their drift <3

#resident evil #jill valentine #jill valentine x reader #carlos oliveira #carlos oliveira x reader #jill x reader x carlos #supercop sandwich #<- yes that's what im calling this trio LMAO #resident evil 3 #re3make #ot3 #ellie writes

[lewkwoodnco]

and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind - Lockwood x Reader

will you love me like you loved me in the January rain? will you love me like you loved me and I'll never ask for more.

and I never minded being on my own, then something broke in me and I wanted to go home to be where you are but even closer to you, you seem so very far and now I'm reaching out with every note I sing and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear tells you that I miss you and I wish that you were here

I didn't choose this town. I dream of getting out. There's just one who could make me stay...all my days.

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST part 1: I Can See You

a/n: WOOOO almost a month since my last fic (tl;dr got terribly sick, got my a level results, scholarship apps, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life until I remembered, oh, right, I hate doing that, so now its back to fic writing) anywaysss watched miss peregrines home for peculiar children while i was sick and omg. the end credits song??? deCEASED. anyways heres a fic inspired by that song which you should definitely listen to and i definitely wont cry if you dont cbnjvfkjva bye going to get chocolate cakee

warnings/tropes: reader (unexpectedly) missing lockwood desperately after moving away, pining for someone w every fiber of your being, handling grief (NO major character death tho), angst, no happy ending :/// but some snippets of humour!

word count: 6.3k! (my longest fic yet!)

"You won't believe what they're doing at Fittes."

 She slid into a seat at Portland Row's kitchen table, oblivious to the fact that she had just stolen George's seat. George glared at Lockwood for a minute, who looked appropriately sympathetic yet slightly distracted, before picking another seat.

"Hi Y/N, how nice to see you. Again. For the third time this week. Please, make yourself at home."

"Oh, Georgie, you're so sweet." She was too distraught to pick up on George's sarcastic tone or his eye roll, though Lockwood spared him an apologetic glance. She slammed a letter onto the table, upsetting the salt and pepper shakers, which Lockwood started curiously scanning. "Unlike my daft supervisors."

There was always a flurry of activity whenever she visited Portland Row. She somehow always had so much to say, and she had to say it within the first five minutes of her being there. That usually meant Portland Row's own activities would come to a brief halt, but her news was more often than not too entertaining to incite many grievances from the inhabitants.

After their joint case involving Winkman, Lucy and George had felt the air shift between them, in a way they couldn't quite put their finger on. Something had obviously happened, especially since she had started stopping by Portland Row. They'd exchange a few obligatory insults, share the highlights of their week, and somehow not bite each other's faces off. Over time, the insults faded into the background, but they still threw in the occasional jab when things started seeming too friendly. Why they were still pretending to get into tiffs when Lockwood had slipped her a spare key was completely lost on George and Lucy. 

One unfortunate consequence was they became stuck in this weird limbo. Neither friends nor enemies, but something more rather than in between. And yet, some part of them always hesitated, and so they remained as the two singular, lonely entities they had always been. That wasn't to say they didn't have it in their hearts to feel appropriately outraged for the other when the circumstances called for it.

"Layoffs?”

"Layoffs!"

"What the hell are they laying you off for?"

"Exactly! Never mind that my team has the lowest mortality rate, or that we've never caused destruction worth any more than 500 pounds - no offence, Lockwood."

"Er, yes. At least they're giving you a decent severance package."

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say, and this time the egg cups went down as well.

"Overrated ass agency with fuck ass headquarters in the middle of London that I never wanted to spend the rest of my career at anyway, fuck Fittes bitch fucking Rotwell's wannabe-“

"What about Kipps?"

Her face twisted and the others braced for impact a third time. "If they don't put his head on the chopping block, I will-"

After a few cups of tea and a few more rounds of nonsensically excessive swearing, she had finally gotten her disappointment under control.

"Maybe a little rapier practice will take your mind off things?"

She pulled a face. "But my shoulder's so tired."

"Your shoulder's been tired for three weeks now. If your break goes on any longer you'll forget everything I've taught you about grips."

"Aw. Oh no."

"Yes, yes, you're very funny."

"What a tragedy."

"You could at least try to pretend like you care."

"I care! I so care. Of course I care. I've got the hottest instructor this side of the Thames."

"Only on this side of the Thames?"

"Yeah, 'cause he's also a dork ass loser who wears confetti-coloured socks."

Still, she joined him in the basement for a little bit of practice, just to refresh her memory. After that, they tried to venture into some basic lunges, which was where things started going downhill again.

"It's no use." She drove her rapier into the stand and started pulling her wrist brace off, despite Lockwood's deflating encouragement. She sat propped up against the wall, frustratedly combing through her sticky hair. "I'm hopeless at this. Maybe Fittes did know what they were doing when they laid me off."

Lockwood sighed. He put away his own rapier and joined her on the floor. "You're not the only employee they've dismissed. You just got...unlucky."

"Now I feel worse."

"My point is, things will start looking up once you move on." He fiddled with her wrist brace. hesitating. "You do know what to do next, don't you?"

She sighed. "I'll start sending out applications tomorrow. There's this agency in Canterbury I've worked with before. Maybe they'll consider having me full-time."

If she notices Lockwood being mildly taken aback, she doesn't remark on it. He manages some strangled response of approval, and their rapier practice session ends there. It's too late for her to return home by then, so they wash up and get ready for bed. It's clear the day has taken a sizeable chunk out of her when she almost immediately falls half-asleep. Lockwood worries over their conversation in the basement. He glances at her relaxed face. Yeah, she was probably still awake.

"Y/N. Y/N."

"Mm."

"You awake?"

"Mhm."

"I just wanted to tell you that...I was perfectly serious that time. When I said you could come work for me. In case you were wondering. Y/N?"

She doesn't respond, and after a few minutes, her breathing evens out again. He isn't sure if she's heard her, and is even less sure why she's doing everything in her power to stay away from Lockwood & Co.

One cold, January morning, she had been at the Archives with Lockwood & Co. where they were doing some research on their latest joint case. By the time that January morning had turned into a chilly January afternoon, George was telling Lockwood off for leaving one of the maps behind at Portland Row. Naturally, Lockwood was sent to fetch the missing materials, who, not-so-naturally, enlisted her help. 

As reluctant as she may have appeared to join Lockwood on this errand, she rested her buzzing head against the soothing, cold glass of the cab gratefully. She had been a little distracted all morning; working at a slower pace, fiddling with the large volumes disinterestedly, staring off into space. She was simultaneously irritated and relieved that Lockwood had noticed. She stared out at the foggy streets of London with her own foggy eyes, trying to make sense of the day.

She had decided to wait on their front porch while Lockwood nipped in to get the papers. While waiting, a sharp rap on their tin awning startled her. Peering up at the sky, she watched the first raindrops of that January shower land in Portland Row's garden. Soon enough, it started to pour generously. The delicate, almost curious winter daffodils drooped their heads under the violent force that was the rain coming down in sheets. In the grey of the clouds and the streets, their yellow petals made her dream of something half-happy.

Tentatively, she walked down the path and stepped into the garden. And then another step. And then another. She was frolicking in the rain for the first time in her life, and there was no one around to stop her.

She felt the rain pause, and turned to see Lockwood holding an umbrella over the two of them. She wrapped her fingers around his on the handle and, with a bit of difficulty, closed the umbrella over their heads. It was only a matter of seconds before the heavy raindrops started weighing his coat down and flattening his otherwise perfectly coiffed hair. She watched the hues of curiosity and amusement shift in his eyes, all of them tinged with the mauve of love. She watched him love her wholly, unabashedly, asking for nothing.

She felt sorry for ruining Lockwood's nice clothes only for a moment, before throwing her arms around his neck, clutching him a little stronger than what was strictly necessary. Papers forgotten, rain soaken, daffodils smitten…she never wanted it to end.

And that was when her life started to fall apart. Being laid off by Fittes had drastically changed their dynamic, and hardly for the better. It was no longer banter from one agent to another - it was one agent and the bad habit he had picked up over the months, one he didn't seem too keen on kicking anytime soon. She didn't ask to stay, and he didn't ask her to leave. And so she spent the rest of her days of unemployment at Portland Row, helping out however she could, filling out and mailing her applications.

Which brought her to her next problem - letters of recommendation.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading through the advertisements in the newspaper while nervously shredding its bottom corner. She didn't even look up when Lockwood placed her mug of tea in front of her. He shifted it right on top of the ad she was picking apart.

"Oh. Thanks."

"How's the job search going?"

"Not good." She sighed. "A lot of them require a letter of recommendation."

He slid into the seat next to hers, resting his chin on the back of the chair. "I'll write you a letter of recommendation."

"From my previous employer."

"So? Go over to Fittes and ask for one."

"I don't know," she said, disintegrating the final scraps of newspaper. "Seems a little awkward to go back there after they laid me off."

Lockwood took a look at his watch. "I've got a client meeting at 2, so we should leave after breakfast."

He was already climbing out of his chair and talking to George about the stove misbehaving again by the time her brain caught up. "Hang on, we?" 

Lockwood seemed to very conveniently not hear her. "Y/N, if you're not going to drink your tea, we should leave now."

She crammed the last of her toast into her mouth while shrugging her coat on, and joined him outside where he was counting out some coins in his hand.

"Should be just enough for the two of us."

"Just enough for what?"

"The bus. Lovely day, isn't it?"

The trip to Fittes was one of the worst she'd had in her life. She almost felt ashamed for getting laid off and was driving herself crazy obsessing over it. Halfway through she felt a warmth settle over her hand, and glanced down to see Lockwood's palm covering her own. He was looking out the window as if nothing had even happened, and she was looking at him. She couldn't quite tear her eyes away from the sight.

When they reached, she went up to the customer service counter while Lockwood hung back. He looked around the first-floor lobby languidly, watching everyone hurry about their da- hang on, was that Barnes coming out of a conference room? 

Lockwood smiled at him while Barnes averted his gaze and started walking out a little faster. Yes, that was most definitely Barnes. He started walking towards him and was just about to call out when he was interrupted by a slightly heated voice coming from the customer service counter.

"What do you mean you don't offer letters of recommendation?!"

A few days after they were almost-but-not-really kicked out of the Fittes headquarters, she and Lockwood were in the library reshelving some books a little before lunchtime. George and Lucy were in the kitchen, so for a while all that could be heard was the smooth sounds of books being pulled off and being put onto the shelves. Lockwood glanced at her and cleared his throat, forcefully injecting a certain nonchalance into his voice.

"I was talking to Barnes the other day."

"Hmm?"

"I think I managed to convince him that we're a big enough agency now to need health insurance."

"Health insurance? Well, don't tell George, or he'll fling himself off the roof at the first chance."

Lockwood stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough though his voice was still comically strained. "Don't go giving him any ideas, now." 

They continued rearranging the books in silence until he steeled himself enough to pick up the conversation again.

"So, what I wanted to say was...if you wanted to join Lockwood & Co... you wouldn't have to worry about your mother. Not anymore."

She paused her shelving and frowned at him. "Why do you want me to join Lockwood & Co. so badly?"

"I think you'd be...a valuable member of our team."

So close, yet so far from the few words she wanted to hear. Please join us, Y/N. Forget about all these other agencies. I'd miss you more than I could bear if you left. Go on. Say it.

"Is that all?"

"I...I suppose."

She turned back to their task, disappointed. "I've been wanting to leave London for a while now. To get out, explore...see what's out there."

He stilled for a moment, before bowing his head regretfully. "I see."

 Ask me to stay. Please.

They were sitting cross-legged in the garden on Lockwood's coat, the winter daffodils now resting their tired heads on their knees. She squinted up at the sky, now that the rain had come down to a light drizzle.

"My mum never let me go out in the rain." She smiled bitterly at him. "The rest of my friends would go out into the street in their...raincoats...wellingtons...and I'd watch them from the kitchen window. She always said I'd fall sick. And I'd always think...how terrible would it really be if I did?" 

She stared at the ground and tried very hard not to cry. "I was a kid. I just...I just wanted a bit of fun." She pressed a shaky hand to her eyes, then dragged it up to her forehead. "And now, all I want..." 

The silence filled in for the words she didn't say.

"I never thought I'd miss that."

She glanced at his face anxiously, trying to gauge his reaction. In a way, she mused, Lockwood, and whatever this was, was not all that dissimilar from the rain. It was some wish for a sickness for a fleeting moment of peace. A fleeting moment of being wanted.

He blinked away the raindrops weighing on his eyelashes. "You won't have to. She'll be alright."

"How do you know?"

He stared at a limp daffodil, whose head was being cradled by the bend of his knee, and sighed. "I don't. But some things you just have to...believe."

"I'm sick of believing."

"Then I'll believe for you."

She never knew what it was like to have someone hold onto faith when she couldn't. To have someone hold her up when her knees were buckling under her, to do what she wasn't strong enough to do herself. She cleared her throat, suddenly embarrassed. 

"You don't have to do that."

"Someone's got to do it. I'll do it for you."

It was around this point that Lockwood suddenly started getting a lot busier. He somehow never had the time to stay in the same room as her for longer than a minute, and any short passing conversations they shared felt stunted. Other than a cursory smile when they passed each other in the hallways, Lockwood seemed further to her than ever, with his cool demeanour that was somehow forever occupied with matters greater and more important than her.

After a few days of struggling with her applications on her own, Lucy suggested that she pay a visit to DEPRAC for a letter of recommendation. Thankfully, her request for the letter was successful, but her joy was short-lived, barely lasting the bus ride home.

She watched the hopelessly in love couples on the bus whisper to each other, hold hands or even just enjoy each other's company in silence. There was a guy with his hair styled in an unnervingly familiar way. It triggered a sick image of Lockwood sitting on this very bus, next to a girl with lazily attractive eyes and hair prettier than hers could ever be. It made her feel nauseous.

When she returned to Portland Row, she walked around the seemingly empty house, perplexed, until she finally found the three of them pouring over a large book in the library. Lockwood was fiddling with the shirt sleeves folded at his elbows and was the first to glance up as she gently pushed the door open.

"Hey," she smiled at them faintly, avoiding Lockwood's gaze, trying to keep the worry gnawing at her synapses at bay. She stepped inside, 

leaning over the huge book, tracing the letters with her eyes interestedly. 

"Is that the -" 

Lockwood slammed the book shut, cutting her off and sending Lucy into a coughing fit over the dust it released.

"Y/N! Find your way to DEPRAC alright?"

 It was a heavy book, she kept repeating to herself, of course it was going to take quite an effort to close it. However, from the way his forearms flexed aggressively as he stuffed the book back into its cloth cover, she wasn't entirely convinced.

"...yes. I took the bus."

"Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?" The three of them exchanged a look while Lockwood firmly tucked the book in. The grey skies peeking through the curtains looked hardly lovely. George finally caved, glaring at Lockwood.

"We were just finalising our plan for next week's case."

"I used to draw up mission plans for my team at Fittes. Maybe I could -"

"I think we're fine." Lockwood crossed his arms, his expression unnaturally surly and his jaw set in a way that gave her a sinking feeling. George threw the book at him, who only barely managed to catch it at the last second. 

"Told you we should have waited for her."

Unfortunately, matters refused to ease up over the next week. And so she somehow learned to live without him. One morning, she decided to get an early start to the day since she was going to be accompanying Lucy to the DEPRAC headquarters to submit some company paperwork. She paused at the foot of the stairs when she heard a bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, followed by some soft swearing. She crept towards the kitchen to see Lockwood scrambling to gather up an upturned first aid kit while a dark red patch swelled on his socks, still in the same attire as when he left for a solo case the previous evening.

He looked at her furiously, trying to hide his injured ankle behind the kitchen table. He seemed to become further incensed by her helping to set the first aid kit right. "Leave it. I can do it on my own."

"I'm only trying to help! Don't look at me like that, you got yourself hurt in the first place."

He spoke emphatically through gritted teeth. "I don't need your help."

"Lockwood, your sock is nearly soaked through with blood. So shut up."

Maybe the blood loss was starting to catch up to him, but for once, Lockwood did as he was told. He certainly wasn't happy about it, but he allowed her to peel back his sock and wince at the sight of the wound. As she cleaned and dressed the injury, she couldn't help but be reminded of old times when they would snap at each other, her more than him, whenever they were within ten feet of the other. It was almost nostalgic but slightly worrying to be back to square one.

When he could hold himself back no longer, he pried the bandage roll out of her hands with an unexpected gentleness, shakily winding it messily around his ankle. When he was done, she put it away with the first aid kit, and when she returned, his nose was buried in the day's paper, once again as distant as an island.

Soon after that, George and Lucy joined them for breakfast, and George almost immediately picked up on 

"Lucy, George won't leave me alone!"

"Lockwood's a pent-up git that never says what he feels!"

Lucy gave them a sidelong glance. "...right. Y/N, ready to -?"

Eyes watering, she chugged the last of her tea and clambered out of her chair, but Lockwood beat her to it. He folded the newspaper sharply, and straightened from his seat, albeit a tad unsteadily.

"No need. I'll come with you, Luce." She and Lucy exchanged a glance, and she slowly sunk back down into her seat. Lucy took in the ectoplasm on his trainers, his slightly charred shirt and the purple under his eyes.

"Are you sure? You look a little...tired."

"I've been out all night. One more trip isn't going to kill me." He patted Lucy firmly on the shoulder, his grip looking a little painful as he swayed imperceptibly, voice trailing off as he started shuffling towards the door.

His limp was unmistakable now, but the three of them knew better than to question him when he was in a mood like this, with his uneven voice and rough words dangerously close to becoming slurred. "Come now," he was saying, "let's not bother Y/N with Lockwood & Co. matters." His shifty eyes finally settled on her for the first time that morning, but she didn't like the brooding spite behind them. "Not when she has all these important applications to fill out."

The silence that followed prickled uncomfortably. Lucy scoffed and stepped out, Lockwood following her determinedly. There was some muffled argument in the hallway, then the sound of the front door opening and closing, and then silence once more. She stared at the dregs of her tea stonily, hating the way her face burned with shame. When she finally looked up, George had left, but there was a sympathy jammy dodger within reach.

It was getting dangerously close to half an hour in the rain, yet still the heavens beat down on them ruthlessly. They had retired to the front steps just outside the awning, now almost completely drenched. She shuffled her feet nervously, trying to scrounge up some warmth, while the rain flowed down Lockwood's nose freely. He was staring at the rich dark earth at his feet, like he had forgotten where he was, his coat long forgotten. She stood up and jabbed him between the shoulder blades sharply, making him snap his head up.

"It's getting cold. I'm going inside." Lockwood blinked, raindrops decorating an eyelash or two, and nodded after a moment. She sighed impatiently.

"Don't you want to come inside too?"

"...I'm not cold."

"No, but you'll fall sick if you stay out any longer."

He rubbed his face wearily, his back muscles shifting mechanically under his translucent shirt. "I'll be alright."

She bristled instinctively. The raindrops somehow got even louder as they pelted the tin awning. "I'm serious, Lockwood."

"So am I."

"Then come inside before you catch something awful."

"I'll come inside when I want to."

The torrential downpour continued unabated, viciously attacking their home's exterior. The rapping of the raindrops against the tin rung in her ears like anger.

"Why must you be so stubborn?"

He finally looked up to meet her eyes, his own filled with a despair she had rarely seen. "I want to be alone."

It was the night of the big case that Lockwood & Co. had been preparing for for a week now, but two of its three members had come down with the most awful stomach bug she had seen. Apparently, there was something off with Arif's doughnuts that day, and now Lucy and George were down with food poisoning. She was in her room, listening to Lockwood wear down the floorboards outside her room with all his pacing. Finally, he stopped in front of her door, and after a moment, gave a short knock.

"Come in."

He opened the door to reveal a fully decked-out Lockwood extensively decorated with flares and lavender. She raised her eyebrows.

"Wow. That is...wow."

"George and Lucy are down with food poisoning," he began impatiently, "and I could really use an extra pair of eyes." He softened his stance at the critical look in her eye, taking on a more apologetic demeanour. "...please."

"But I don't even know how to use a rapier."

"Not much room for one, anyway. It's a two-room cottage."

She toyed with the idea of saying no. The idea of watching the hope in his eyes flicker out, of watching him go do the job...alone...without anyone's help...without anyone to help him if he got injured, or worse-

"Fine. I'll meet you downstairs in two minutes."

The cab was waiting for them by the time she was hurrying down the stairs, and she flipped through the summarised research report on the way there. She winced at the circled deduction that the Visitor was likely a Fetch, which Lockwood picked up on.

"Is something wrong?"

"...no." With some difficulty, she tore her eyes away from the report and closed the file. In all her years of experience, Fetches were the one Visitor that she still struggled with. It didn't help that her encounters with them had been few and far between. She glanced at Lockwood, who was staring out the window coolly as if barely nonplussed by the anticipation of coming face-to-face with one of the most dangerous Visitor types.

The taxi driver was quite a bit intimidated by Lockwood's superfluous attire, and so refused to go any further than the foot of the hill at the top of which the cottage was located. As they lugged their equipment up the hill, she felt her frustration towards Lockwood swell and swell until it finally reached a breaking point. She dropped the duffel bag she was carrying with a clatter, making Lockwood stop and turn around to face her.

"What's wrong?"

"Why have you been so off lately?"

His features hardened and his jaw set like it had so many times before. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Obviously."

He stared at her hard, before dropping his own duffel bag. The tension over the past two weeks had clearly come to a head and it was happening right there on the hill in near-darkness. "I thought we were a team."

"We are."

"Well, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

"I just want to be independent."

"No, you don’t. You want to be alone."

“That's not true!” She hesitated. "That's not fair." At that moment, she felt so terribly small and insignificant, in a way she hadn't felt since having a particularly cruel supervisor in her first year of being an agent. Her eyes prickled unpleasantly, and she was suddenly engulfed with memories about that January shower. Oh, no, she thought. He was never going to hold her like that again. 

She shook her head as if trying to shake some sense into herself. "I don't...I don't want to be a burden. I can do this on my own."

"You want to do this on your own."

"How could you possibly think that?"

“All I see is someone too scared to stick their neck out for something real for once in their life."

“What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't think you know what you're running from!"

She looked around in despair as if searching for some way to make him understand. "I'm not running from anything."

He stepped closer to her, and it was all she could manage to not burst into tears with his face twisted something ugly with hurt.

"You're running from me."

I'm not, she wants to say, but the words get caught in her throat. The silence rings out harshly between the two of them until Lockwood picks up his bag and resumes the trek uphill. After a moment or two, she follows him.

When they reach inside, they go through the motions of setting up their chains and investigating the areas of the Visitor's appearance, the way they've done hundreds of times before. Eventually, they split up and pace their corresponding rooms, the malaise growing stronger in the air by the minute.

After an hour or so, she felt it. A prickling in the hairs at the back of her neck. Waves of nausea washed over her and she felt paralysed by fear. She knew that when she turned, she'd be faced with something too terrible to comprehend. But she's too weak to brave seeing something so terrible, and so she doesn't turn. At that moment, she unravelled, and covered her eyes with her hands like a child, gasping with sobs that she struggled to suppress.

Suddenly, the cold breathing down her neck was replaced by intense heat as the hiss of a flare eating through a Visitor filled her ears. She felt rough hands desperately clutching her wrists and peeked through her fingers to meet Lockwood's panic-stricken gaze. Panic-stricken over her. His eyes shifted to the Visitor behind her and lobbed another flare at it in the nick of time. 

She started creeping along the walls, running her hands over every nook and cranny until she came across a picture frame radiating strong feelings of anxiety. She scrambled for the iron still folded in her pocket and threw it over the frame. The Visitor instantly evaporated, leaving Lockwood staring at the corner it had just been occupying with a haunted look in his eyes. When he had regained proper control of his senses, he turned to her.

"I didn't know-"

"I thought I'd be able to manage it, okay?" She avoided his gaze. "I'm sorry. Can we just go h- go back now?"

The ride back was somehow even quieter than the ride there, both of them burdened by thoughts that would clearly never see the light of day. He paused at the hat stand near the front door while she shrugged her coat off.

"Y/N-"

"I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight, Lockwood."

She cut past him brusquely, heading straight for her room, though it would be many hours before the buzzing in her head quieted enough for her to fall asleep. As she got undressed, her mind drifted back to when Lockwood was standing right in front of her, holding her wrists with a long-forgotten gentleness, and the close shave with the Fetch. Too close of a shave. Tonight could never happen again. She had to make sure of it.

Over the next few days, their relationship returned to being suspiciously amicable. Perhaps it wasn't as glaringly obvious to the others with the distraction of their stomach bug, but George's squint at her when she handed him a glass of water was enough to see that he was onto them.

She had been in the basement polishing their iron chains when Lockwood knocked on the door. She put the chains down for a moment as he pulled out a minimalistic envelope.

"This just came for you in the mail."

It had the address of one of the agencies she had applied to written on it. She nervously ripped it open and started scanning the contents before she remembered where she was. She looked at Lockwood, who had a cool expression of polite curiosity.

"So? Did you get it?"

"They want me to start next week." Lockwood's lips curved into a half-smile, and it was the first smile he'd given her in weeks that reached his eyes.

"That's...that's amazing. You deserve it. That is, if you're going to accept it."

"It's a rather decent offer. Think it would be quite a shame to pass it up. Don't you?"

He gave a slight pause. "Of course. Yes."

"...but?"

He shook his head and gave a short laugh. "It's...it's silly." He was staring at a patch of grease on the floor which he was very focused on rubbing out with his shoe. "I've known you for...for as long as Lockwood & Co.'s been around." He looked up from the floor to meet her gaze, his eyes open and honest. 

"I don't know if I can do this without you."

She looks into his flighty brown eyes and drinks in as much as she can of him. Next week, she'll be in a different town, at a new job, meeting new people until he becomes just a distant memory, some dream she had once upon a time, and she'd be freed from her shackles of longing. But now, in his eyes she sees the two of them spinning round and round, forever together in a January shower in some universe.

"I should start packing."

Her goodbyes were fairly uneventful. They exchanged promises to write, to keep in touch. Lucy and George waved her off from their front door. Lockwood didn't come down from his room. Now she was in her new home, miles away from any feelings that may have tethered her from Portland Row, and all that was left to do was sit and wait and try to forget.

Except. Except.

Here she was, lying on her bed with an all too familiar weight on her chest. Those feelings she had promised to bury with the winter daffodils were here - travelled miles to plague her mind with restless thoughts of which nothing could ever come. How was it that all this distance only made her crave Lockwood even more? He stained her mind and hung from her lips like a broken promise, like an unheard prayer. It was there when she woke up, it was there when she went to sleep, it laid next to her and embraced her like a lover till she couldn't breathe.

Three months later, she still hasn't moved on and has almost entirely given up on any hope for sleep. She replays her memories of him like a tired VCR, and every night the image grows fainter and fainter. What, exactly, did his voice sound like? Did he have dimples? He had a scar on his collarbone, she was fairly sure. But how did he get it? She waits for the sky to light up for those few short hours after her work for the day, but be it day or night, the sadness remains.

For years she had been so strong, so tough, so ready to do anything and to do it alone. Too independent to even work properly with his agency. But after meeting Lockwood, it all felt like a farce, like she had just been pretending and hoping and closing her eyes through as many horrors as she could handle until she finally reached her breaking point. Something had snapped in her soul - some ill-gotten desire to fasten herself to him from the moment she had kissed him after Winkman's. To have him be her home.

Even so, she still had a job to do, so she carried these feelings around with her. There was this one particular case where her team was tasked by the city council to clear out an old, abandoned mansion of any Visitors. She had been creeping through the third floor when she saw him standing there, in the shard of moonlight peeking through the rafters. Lockwood was standing mere feet in front of her, sleeves rolled up to his elbows without his coat, whole and uninjured.

"Lockwood!" She closed the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"

He turned to face her, smiling mildly as if she had done nothing more than greet her. Y/N, he was saying. His voice reverberated differently than what she was used to, but she put it down to the weird acoustics of the mansion. 

Why did you leave me?

"...what?"

Why did you go away? You've made me sick with worry.

"I...I have?"

Day in, day out, you're all I think about.

"No...no, that can't be right. That's me, not you."

Are you sure? Think harder. What do you remember about me?

"I don't know, I don't know. Why are you doing this, Lockwood?" Something was very, very wrong. What was he of all people doing here, and why weren't his lips moving when he talked?

How can you be so in love with me if you can't even remember me?

I do! I do remember you! Please don't say I don't.

Why'd you leave me, Y/N?

"Wha...what? I didn't - no - I didn't mean to leave you-"

I wanted you to stay.

"Then you should have TOLD ME!"

But I did tell you.

It still hadn't fully clicked in her brain, but she gleaned enough to tell that this wasn't Lockwood. Some obscene bastardisation of him, perhaps, but nothing of any real substance. She walked back a few steps, keeping her eyes trained on him, and against her better judgement threw a flare at him. It hit the centre of his chest, which began to fizzle up and corrode away at the figment until there was nothing left but the dying embers reflected in her misty eyes. He had looked...so solid. So real. Real enough for her to believe. Oh god, how badly she wanted to believe.

That night, she had barely pulled off much of her excess gear before slumping into bed, which she did not leave for the next three days. Obviously, that hadn't been Lockwood, it was a Fetch. But it only had her memories to work off of. What was it that had happened that made her feel like he had told her to stay? She drove herself mad picking apart every interaction she had had with him since she was 13. What did she miss? Where was the mistake?

Maybe she was just hoping for a mistake.

I miss you. I wish you were here - not miles away in London, here, beside me. I wish it was you lodged in my chest instead of this acrid longing. I'm the one who can't do this without you. Please come back to me. I'm so tired of being strong. Please come save me. I need you here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here.

TAGLIST: @mitskiswift99 @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @avdiobliss @ahead-fullofdreams @neewtmas @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

P.S. until I changed my mind at the very last minute this WAS going to have a happy ending I wrote it out and everything but then deleted and Grammarly won't let me ctrl z my way out of this :(((

#lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #lockwood netflix #anthony lockwood #anthony lockwood x lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood imagine #anthony lockwood angst #anthony lockwood x reader #florence and the machine #wish that you were here

[v3nusxsky]

Hii! Can I request a platonic lady lesso x reader fic w reader being unfocused or asleep in lady lesso's class so lady lesso gets annoyed with them and makes them stay after class and she's halfway into scolding r bc they're wasting their potential by not focusing etc but notices r is actually exhausted/burnt out and then afterwards it's a bunch of comfort and assurance? Probably include migraines/anxiety, I really needed this one! I've been so stressed lately 😭

Hello dear anon, I hope this finds you well and provides you with a bit of comfort. I’m so sorry you’re stressed darling remember to take a breather and look after yourself okay?

I'm here

*Authors note~ loving writing these requests:)*

Trigger warnings~ anxiety attacks

Prompt ~ see the ask

Your head was pounding. In fact it had been all morning. Your concentration during your morning classes had been non existent. You were certainly having a hellish time of it and not the enjoyable kind. But being a Never, you tried to hide it and appear strong. If you're honest you knew it was getting bad. Of course you did. But Nevers can't show weakness, so you push it away and try to muster up the ability to carry on with your days. Your migraines stem from your anxiety that is bubbling away on the inside. Anxiety is a strange feeling. When you say anxiety people often assume your running around muttering about everything you could be worried about or having a screaming crying meltdown. Well in fact your anxiety attacks were nothing like that. Your anxiety attacks came in the forms of shaking of limbs normally hands and legs, migraines, heart palpitations and dizziness. All symptoms that could be easily overlooked.

You lost count of the sleepless nights now. It must have been days since you actually slept through the night. And the night terrors honestly hell would be more preferable. Or even a night in the Doom room with Lady lesso. Anything over the torture your own mind creates. This morning you were feeling rather delicate, the exhaustion and anxiety getting to you. You somehow managed to get yourself ready for the day and down to breakfast. Opting to keep yourself isolated due to lack of energy you grabbed some fruit and headed to the corner of the food hall. A book in your hand you managed a few bites of the apple before abandoning it in favour of reading your book. Your exhausted brain causing you to re read the same paragraphs over and over just to retain the information there. Today is simply going to be unbearable.

Your first class was Uglification, which you managed to survive rather easily. After all it was just dunking your head in a bowl and having accept how you looked afterwards. The uglier the better. Your bowl was a little off so you didn't achieve the best look but it wasn't bad enough to get a fail. You're second and third class we're a blur. Hardly really being able to stay present. Between feeling yourself give into the exhaustion and your anxiety keeping you awake you felt helpless. After all how on earth could you continue like this? You were feeling on the verge of a burn out. Honestly you could just crawl into bed and not move. Ever. Hide away from the world. From everything.

Unfortunately for you today, you had a double curses and death traps lesson. The one lesson all Never's dread. The one lesson that the dean of evil happened to teach. Now she was known to be exactly what her moniker suggests, and she did not take any nonsense in her lessons, only the best was accepted in her class. And her methods to achieve the best were frowned upon by the Ever teachers. They thought it to be cruel and barbaric, but Lesso explained early on, this is just the way it has to be. Never's can't be broken down easily, that makes the hero's jobs in our stories too easy. You desperately tried to hide any forms of weakness from the women, knowing she'd see it as a reason to toughen you up. And if your honest the Doom room absolutely petrifies you. Never actually experienced it yourself but you heard enough stories to live in fear of the room.

This is why you sat in your first hour with Lesso desperately trying to fight your own body and mind, you needed to be in control here. Yet you honestly felt like dying. It was all too much. The light seeping I'm from the windows seemingly too bright and her voice too loud for your sensitive head. You noticed the tale tale sign of your anxiety flaring once more. Your leg bounced under the desk your hands shook as you attempted to note down what was being taught. Words began to blur together and you knew you were screwed. Knowing that fact made it all seem to spiral further out of your control. The fear of the punishment overwhelming you and adding panic into the mix of whirling emotions and thoughts. At this point you could feel your body and sense slipping away from you.

The smack of a cane hitting the wooden desk caused you to shoot up and snap your attention to your fiery red head professor. She was clearly speaking. Lips moving but no sound reaching your ears. She looked furious with you. Well fuck. You were going to die. She knew. You could see it in her eyes. The disappointment and anger that one of her Nevers would be so god damn weak. Immediately you stood and fled the room. Not caring about your stuff, or the consequences just needing to find air. A safe and calm space. Before you realised it you were running, no destination in mind. Chest heaving as it brought you the gardens. The flowers and running water sounds attempting to ground you. You slowly walked through the gardens attempting to regain control over yourself once more. Reaching the familiar hiding spot you immediately took up residence there. The red roses hiding your tiny form as you rocked yourself to pass through the other side of the attack.

Your chest heaving, heart feeling as if someone had their hand in your chest and were squeezing it, head absolutely banging, you really needed to calm yourself before you passed out. You made the short distance to the fountain to stick your hands in the cold water. Really a strange sight for others to walk in on but you couldn't care less. Cold water is typically a good method of shocking your body back to its normal senses. Which this proved. Your hand in the fountain is what was slowly guiding you through the end of your attack when lesso found you. You had missed your second hour of class which was rather unlike you. After all you're her best student, so naturally she had waited the hour out before setting out in a search for you. She'd tried all your known spots but no luck so the gardens was a last resort which she was relieved to see you here. She approached you carefully not wanting you to flee once more.

"Y/n? Little one? What happened in there?" Her tone was somehow softer but still held it's usual demanding manner. You jumped startled by the extra presence before you crumbled and immediately crawled back to your hide away in between the flowers. Immediately the older women noticed how you had curled yourself up as small as possible and hidden from her, all clear indications that you were not feeling safe. Despite evil being in her title she wasn't heartless, she just wished more people realised that. All her Nevers were her family and she'd do anything to protect you all from serious hurt. And this right here was one kind of hurt she knew she couldn't protect you from. The clear torture of your own mind. And if you were scared of her then her presence would only prolong the attack. You watched as the older women was internally battling with herself before she came to kneel in front of you cane on the floor and hands on her knees. She could now see the rapid rise and fall of your chest which was concerning. "Little one can you try to slow your breathing?" Her tone almost as soft as these petals. Uncharacteristic but not unwelcome.

"Can I ?" She tailed off but her hands showing just what she was asking. You nodded and allowed her to rest her hand above your heart. She could feel the unsteady beats, way too fast to be considered normal and even skipping or adding an extra heat in places. "Little one what's got you in such a way? " she hummed mostly to herself before removing her hand and offering an embrace which you accepted quickly. Lady lesso almost toppled backwards with the force that you flew into her arms with. There in her arms you broke. All the pain and exhaustion finally at it's breaking point. Sobs forcing themselves through your exhausted body as you were held and rocked by the dean. Never in your life would you have imagined this side of the women but now you were experiencing this side of her you couldn't help but admire her. She truly was an amazing role model for all Nevers.

You didn't know how long you sat in her embrace and truthfully you didn't care. This is the most content you've felt in weeks. Your body sagging with exhaustion as you battled to keep your eyes open. Her soothing motions of rocking and the hand gently rubbing at your back calming you in a way you'd expect from a mother. Your pain in your head had worsened significantly since your crying and now it was hard to see. You whimpered in pain gaining the deans attention. "Little one? What is it?"  She immediately looked you up and down trying to find the source of your discomfort. "Head.. can't see... sorry" you mumbled almost incoherently. "Oh little one I'm sorry I didn't realise this sooner. I'm sorry" she murmured moving to stand with you in her arms as well as holding her cane. How was that even possible?

Lesso carried your exhausted body back into the school and into your dorm, where she placed you on your bed pulling a blanket over you. She then set about to get a glass of water and some painkillers we set on your bedside table before she sat next to you on the edge of your bed. Immediately her hand found it's way through your locks in a soothing manner. Her slender fingers lightly massaging the scalp hoping to lure you into a slumber. "My darling?" Was all she whispered out into the empty room. You couldn't even reply with words all you managed was a sleepy hum. "You're doing an amazing job. Your grades are perfect. You're my best student. Next time you feel yourself struggling like this... will you come to me? I'll try my best to help you I just don't want you to struggle alone like this little one." She reassured you sighing in a relief when you nodded and promised to come to her next time. Because you both knew this wouldn't be a one time thing. Anxiety happens to be something that likes to read it's head more often than once or twice. With that you gave into the exhaustion just feeling her fingers in your hair as you drifted off. The dean of evil has the biggest heart you just have to look past the title.

In the future you did in fact go and seek out lady lesso when things became overwhelming for you, she was always there with a hug and comforting words. Never once were you punished for this as it's not something you can control. This happened for the rest of your time at the school and even after when the schools merged and you joined the staff. Lesso had become and honorary mother of sorts for you. A fact that neither of you minded.

Word count ~ 2011

*Authors note ~ i actually love this one so much *

#lady lesso #sfgae #fanfic #leonora lesso #dean of evil #lady lesso x reader #leonora lesso x reader #lesso x reader #ask answered #fluff #asks are always appreciated #anon asks #keep the asks coming

[the-rest-of-what-remains]

What type of did does Icyrain have? Like, are his alters different people or more aspects of his personality? also, do they have names? Is Icyrain the host or just the collective name they all go by?

Icyrain's DID is very heavily based on my own DID, so I can't really tell you if it's a specific type or not, but below the read more is all the information about him, how he developed DID, and his alters! And this is the reference for how they all view themselves. While fronting in the dark forest, you can occasionally see flashes of their faces, especially when they're emotional. Only First Star feels dysmorphic about being in Icyrain's shape, but that's because he's used to being giant and having horns. Paws has issues walking when fronting because them paws too big.

Icyrain was victim to "kitten snatching", a tactic that started when numbers became scarce in Huntclan. Originated by Ravenstar (and even the tactic used to get Midnightstar, his son), warriors were encouraged to find romance outside of the clan and then kill the partner to take the kits. Sometimes though, they'd find single parents out on the territory to steal from instead. His mother was killed, and he was brought to Huntclan as an orphan at only a moon old. He was cared for only as an asset to train, and he developed DID to protect himself from the rigorous repeated abuse he faced during his "apprenticeship". He's the host and most of the time he's fronting unless something triggers one of his alters to front.

Iris was the first alter to split, being an introject based on distant memories of his mother before he forgot. She's an ideal caretaker, gentle but informative with a natural talent for medicine. Iris cared for the kits until they were big enough because Icyrain had this intense fear of accidentally hurting them. She has the best connection with Icyrain, causing the least amnesia when she switches in. She's often trying to co-front in some amount like a mom watching her kitten play.

First Star split during the intense training sessions he was forced to endure. Based off the idea of the very first leader, a dream Icyrain had frequently about a kind and just but immensely powerful leader. First Star is methodical and skilled in combat but has a very strong moral compass and often polices other alters to ensure they don't lose sight in their morals. He's not very good with words, remaining stoic and aloof. He believes very strongly that there is good in the world.

Paws was split during a very confusing time in Icyrain's life. He had for the most part been able to avoid confronting the situation through dissociation, but to remain unaware of it while trying to raise children wouldn't be ideal. In an effort to not lose that innocence when Icyrain began to confront everything, Paws formed. He's goofy in all the ways that Icyrain lost, obsessed with species of bugs and especially ants. The rest of the system works to protect him, so he doesn't front very often. Think of bug like a representation of the childhood Icyrain lost, able to be protected and cared for despite everything.

Softnight split when Icyrain became tasked with more and more things. He was almost always alone, doing menial or intense work, dissociating during it. Softnight formed to deal with them, working long into the night without much of a word. She's selectively mute and sensitive to noise. She was absolutely thrilled to learn pawspeak, like a part of her had been missing without it. She's unfortunately the least connected with Icyrain, and he has absolutely no memories of what she does.

Icyrain has no word for what he experiences, simply referring to the voices that seemed to stick out from his own thoughts as his "thinking buddies". The body is collectively referred to as Icyrain during life, but in the afterlife, things get a little weird. While they can never separate from him as all part of the same soul, fronting alters can influence the appearance of the soul now that they're not bound to a real body. Quartzpaw and Opalglow learn their names to go along with the flashes of their faces after the initial fright. Lots of "ooooh, that makes sense now" ensues. Opalglow has a bit of a harder time understanding it because she relies on Icyrain emotionally and it makes her distressed when he's not there. Being able to communicate properly helps though, and it does comfort her that she now knows that Icyrain wasn't changing his personality on her on purpose, it was just his alters fronting. Softnight and Opalglow get along. Quartzpaw doesn't notice at all, all of these alters helped raise her, they're all fun playmates. She thinks First star is the coolest guy ever because he's so good at dueling, but he monologues too much before remembering Quartzpaw is deaf. She thinks it's funny to watch him blabber and then look mortified when he remembers.

They're ultimately parts of Icyrain that formed to protect him, and the idea of separating themselves from him make them all deeply uncomfortable. Now that Icyrain doesn't need as intense protection, they're able to both discover themselves and turn their attention to protecting Paws.

#long post #remnantask #clangen #warrior cats #warriors #wcs #Icyrain #Iris #First star #Paws #Softnight

[opheliashur]

its before 10am and i got maybe five hours of sleep so im porting my unhinged worm take here to keep it from being lost in the discord sauce [i dont actually think this is a sensible interpretation it just forced itself out of my brain one day]

The entities in Worm can function as a counterpoint to Posadist views on alien life. In Les Soucoupes Volantes, le processus de la matiere et de l'energie, la science et le socialisme, Posadas argues interstellar travel requires a society which, if not explicitly human-defined communist, surpassed self-centered capitalist systems. Posadas implores us to view their passivity in our plight not as apathy, but an enlightened belief in self-determination; With the people's assent, these strangers among us would surely be willing to help us crawl out of the muck of poverty and despair.

In Worm, the entities take this logic and turn it on its head. Zion's ancestor remembers their homeworld as peak survival-of-the-fittest excess, a hellish loop of boom and bust cycles which leaves less left to consume every time.

"The ancestor knows this, and it isn’t satisfied.  It knows its kin aren’t satisfied either.  They are quiet, because there is nothing to say.  They are trapped by their nature, by the need to subsist.  They are rendered feral, made to be sly and petty and cruel by circumstance.  They are made base, lowly."

Through a leftist lens, this becomes a mirror for the circumstances of modern society. People are forced to scrounge and suffer and harm each other for survival's sake, ligating their emotional capacity and cauterising their descendants' livelihoods. The ancestor responds in a capitalist fashion; Rather than call on cooperation and efficiency, it proposes to its fellows that the advancement of a species depends on the necessity of constant growth and constant conflict. The conclusion they reach is to, quite literally, eat each other alive; Not simply to live, but to find new frontiers, obliterating their homeworld in the process. I find this neatly matches up with how capitalism naturally leads itself to colonialism (not to imply imperialism is solely the domain of capitalism) as the rich and powerful grow ever hungrier for new toys to hoard, new people to enslave, leaving nothing in their wake.

If the entities simply went around acting like generic alien invaders (which is 99% of the time just white people persecution fantasies and you cant prove me wrong) afterward, this interpretation wouldn't exist. Posadas wasn't concerned about the possibility of alien invasion for the same reason nobody worries about car bombs, unless they're Margaret Thatcher or a sex symbol in a Wildbow sequel. It just isn't relevant.

However, the entities aren't just machines of consumption. Their modus operandi, at least with Eden and Zion, is far more subversive. They upend the status quo with powers, or innovations, often placed in a way to cause the most possible disruption and thus the most possible conflict, or profit, with an end goal seemingly to ensure they can eat and reproduce forever no matter the cost. The destruction they wreak seems to be almost tangential to their main goals, borne not of cruelty but of apathy.

This is in direct counter to Posadas' perception of extraterrestrial life as benevolent. Despite granting great power to the oppressed, they're not a clarion call of ascendance, but instead harbingers of the end. In essence, the entities represent a form of bad-faith leftism— They take advantage of existing injustice with cloying language (their avatars) and grand yet poisoned gestures (powers), with a move-fast-and-break-things mindset utilising their generational wealth (also powers) from eons of exploitation to avoid consequence.

Unfortunately, this interpretation doesn't end with Posadas.

I found myself realising as I wrote this that the entities aren't just representative of bad-faith actors in leftism. In another sense, they are the revolution as perceived in many online circles. A nebulous rapture-like event, upending the status quo by giving power to the marginalised and downtrodden, creating people who are not only possessed of the agency to change things, but a resolve to do so as well. Agency is suddenly given to those who'd otherwise be trapped in their own cycles, subject to hunger and rent and all the little things that the complacent at the top have long since forgotten happens to other people.

And it only results in more suffering. (at this point im talking more conceptually than what happens in worm but bear with me im almost done lmfao)

Parahumans finally have the ability to speak the right things and be heard, to hurt the right people, and it doesn't help solve anything. It's all just senseless violence directed outward.

The ending, then, takes a different note from Posadas, and from the paradigm of finding the right people to kill or the right things to say. Taylor kills Zion not through sheer power, but through communication and cooperation— By forcing him to look inward, at the one void that no amount of conflict and data and profit could fill ever again. There was no magic bullet, no force from outside to save the day. Only the emotions that everyone carries within them.

A revolution from the inside. (okay that was abrupt but my brain is fried now lmao hope you enjoyed it bye)

#worm #wormblr #this was originally a shitpost but it got away from me while i was writing it and started making a disturbing amount of sense #mostly the revolution as rapture part #not the alien part #parahumans

[kuravix]

One Piece x Pokemon au, the Straw Hat's abilities as Pokemon trainers. As they're pirates, they typically don't follow the regulated 1v1 format. It's often them fighting along side their full team.

Luffy of course dreams of being a cool Pokemon trainer. He's not the type to do research though. He is a keen visual learner so he can effectively teach his team moves he's seen other Pokemon use. Problem with that is he doesn't know what moves exactly his Pokemon can learn so sometimes it's a lost cause. At first, training sessions were essentially play time. During the time skip, he got himself in gear and efficiently taught them combat. He even teaches them defensive moves, not just cool looking attacks. He instructs them well, reacts fast and knows how to use their abilities. His weakness is he wants to yell out cool attacks and see his team be awesome!

Zoro's dream is the become the strongest swordsman, not a Pokemon trainer. He only has Pokemon as they make good sparring partners, which is fine with them as their goal is to defeat him. Over time he realises coaching makes them stronger thus better sparring partners. He starts individual training sessions for each member. He doesn't really instruct them in battle, just lets them handle their own fights. If one is struggling in battle, he'll chastise them, he won't tolerate weakness from his team. It sounds harsh but it does give them the boost they need. Over time his team may disperse and go their separate ways but Bisharp, his partner Pokemon, will stay by his side till the end of its days.

Nami used to depend on her Pokemon too much to protect her. Particularly her Luxray and elder Pelipper. After a near deadly loss, she understood she needed to strengthen her whole team to their best. She's researched her Pokemon and formulated battled strategies, along with escape plans. She focuses more on weakening the enemy than brute strength. While she has grown as a trainer, she perhaps pampers them a tad much.

Usopp has always wanted to be a legendary Pokemon trainer. Unfortunately, he was pretty bad at it for a while. His expectations for his Pokemon were too grand and they simply couldn't keep up. He tried teaching them moves they weren't capable of doing at their low level. He really did not know what he was doing. He learns steadily as they travel. During the time skip, he puts his all into becoming a truly great trainer. When the crew reunite, the growth of his team was extreme. The once overzealous Usopp had become an incredibly skilled trainer with a strong understanding of his team's abilities and needs. If he took on official tournaments he could become a Champion. Now boasts about his Pokemon are in earnest.

Sanji has trained his team in battle and in cooking. He's good at what he knows. His team are powerful kickers but he couldn't train one in punching. He's put a lot of focus into his team's speed. He's always been a good trainer but his rivalry with Zoro spurred more rigorous training sessions. He knows the dietary needs of every Pokemon on the ship but he can't control what the others feed their Pokemon. Being in charge of his teams food, they are in peak health and physical condition. He doesn't train Steenee as she is his delicate little flower 💜 Unbeknownst to him, she has perfect stats and harbours great natural strength he isn't nurturing.

Chopper is a Pokemon himself so being a trainer would be weird for him. He's more their leader. His team are healers with little interest in battle. Chopper excels training in the medical field. During the time skip, he felt it necessary to teach his team self defence. They know moves that weaken enemies and support allies. Sylveon however loves to fight so Chopper trained together with them more intensely. His team is the weakest in the crew but can at least hold their own.

Robin is an intelligent trainer who utilises her Pokemon is in ways more than just battling. Thievery, stealth, spying etc. She has their utmost respect and follow her every command. They've helped her a lot on past missions. She's well studied on many Pokemon species, including those extinct. Therefore fossil Pokemon and legendaries don't alarm her. Her knowledge lets her swiftly come up with a counter plan against practically any opponent. If she focused purely on training them in battling she could become Champion rank, no problem.

Franky is another who trains his team by fighting with them. He's taught them to hit hard and take hits. They're often jumping in to take heavy blows for weaker allies. What he has also taught them… is dance! Cool poses! Moves that aren't very useful but look neat! You can be strong and flashy! He could take Pokemon contests by storm! His team are very good at teamwork, assisting with his projects helped with that.

Brook's team had more interest in music than battling. He taught them to use their musical abilities to inflict status effects on their opponents. That way they could protect themselves while enjoying themselves at the same time. They've died once and he's determined to never let that happen under his guidance again. Training them from scratch was difficult but he persevered. They're now stronger in death than they were in life.

Jinbe has everyone else beat when it comes to experience. He has been training Pokemon seriously from a young age. He battles them himself and instructs them dutifully. Before the time skip, Jinbe's team could've handled all of the Straw Hat's teams at once easily. That is not a feat he could accomplish now, not effortlessly at least. He still has some guidance to share with the others. He's not had a one on one fight with anyone yet, who knows if they could best him in a Pokemon battle.

#pokemon au #this has been sitting in my drafts #idk i guess i'll post it