#therefore i dont think its like. a good reading. to look at them and draw conclusions about limebloods

[p2iimon]

for the record i dont think you can cite “____ may be a limeblood” as anything but speculation. Its not even really useful unless we’re talking about fiamet or like. idarat who are actually implied to be limes

#marvus stelsa and boldir are all speculation #im not sure how to say what im trying to say here #but reading them as not limes makes just as much if not more sense as reading them as limes #therefore i dont think its like. a good reading. to look at them and draw conclusions about limebloods #because first you have to decide what defines a lime in hiding to even call them that #its circular #like 'i think stelsa is a lime because of her horns so therefore i conclude limes have rounded horns' isnt a good #argument #yknow? #i could say #i think dammek tyzias and galekh are limes because they have a cer suffix sign like karkat #therefore all limes have a cer suffix sign #i know theres other reasons thats a bad argument but its also bad #because its circular #i cant stop ppl from doing anything so dont come at me and pretend im trying #im just saying MY thoughts #simons spouting #(if u saw this no you didnt i had to RETYPE IT bc tumblr wouldnt give me an editor that turns reblogs off)

[just-null-cult]

i've always wanted to try out this trend! i didnt think i drew him that different. i was wrong. very wrong.

hes so baby girl in my style what the fuck. oh i know, i was just drawing what gege meant to draw. dw, i got his telepathic brainwaves 👍

[time lapse + my headcanons for Noritoshi's appearance under the cut]

some headcanons i have while drawing him are semi obvious while others are bc i like it ahehahhaheha

cupid's bow lips! this was semi inspired by Mizuki Umetsu, the actor for Noritoshi in the jjk stage play! hes so. pretty. perfect guy for the role imo! i was captivated therefore my views changed.

longer hair! the thought that his bangs(? are the same length, or longer, as the rest of his hair is nice.. it also makes his inevitable haircut much more refreshing! i also just like long hair and its a fucking waste not to do whatever the i want.

thicker brows and visible eyelashes! i naturally draw thicker eyebrows because it looks pretty, but the eyelashes is so fucking canon bro. dont even fight me on this, you'll lose. i read a fic about Noritoshi where it said he took good care of himself and his appearance inspired jealousy. that fucked me up man, so now i draw him as beautiful as i can.

monolids! I've looked through the manga and i think its highly implied that Noritoshi has monolids? yk those lines in between the eye and eyebrow, he doesnt have them in the manga. i thought it was because of the expressions he had, but no. the others have them, except geto! so geto also having monolids is so fr in my head. i like that feature abt him.

loose hairs! the hairs that i draw on his face. they make him look so cute and a bit more relaxed. he's not trying to be perfect nor have a single strand out of place. he's just a bit more at ease... though if there's something important he has to go through, he sharpens up. becomes.. stiffer?

I UNINTENTIONALLY MADE HIS CHEST LOOK A BIT BIGGER IN MY STYLE AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE, BUT I'D BE A LIAR. DOES THIS COUNT AS A HEADCANON??? I JUST THINK... SINCE. YK. HES AN ARCHER. AND DOES TRAINING. AND COMBAT. AND DOES ALL THOSE HIGH JUMPS... HIS CHEST. ITD BE A BIT BIGGER FOR HIS STATURE.. omfg. that'd imply that his legs are fucking insane. and his arms too, since he has to pull back all those arrows so quickly.. oh my fuck. this. this is a revelation. what are you hiding under those robes noritoshi...???? one day.. one day we'll see...

oh my fucking god i forgot that i wrote shit while drawing. please ignore my fucking stupid writings AND THE STUPID ASS THING IN THE MIDDLE I FORGOT ABT WHILE DRAWING..

#kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #dawg my pc is so old. this drawing kept killing it off every few hrs #but nothing will stop my preaching of the gospel #ALSO I DIDNT SAY BUT DRAWING IN THE FUCKING ANIME STYLE WAS SO FUCKING TOUGH??? #LIKE I FEEL LIKE IT LOOKS HALF ASSED BUT I DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. #I STRUGGLED HARD BRO #FUCK #but i also learned a lot while doing it so it was hella fun #ahaha..... his lips are cupid's bow.. meaning his words are cupid's arrows.... meaning he could make you fall so hard istg #and hes an archer..... ahhaha... a nickname you could give him is cupid. ahahah. thatd be so cute. ahahaha <- insane #also me explaining fucking eyelid lines was spectacular. wheres my teaching license #AND I CANT FUCKING WAIT FOR THE STAGE PLAY DAWG. noritoshi's clothes flowy and in action..... im gonna study and fawn the FUCK out of that #as for the time lapse. ignore how i ignored the guidelines. why the fuck do i do that. bc im a cult leader thats why. dont question me #AND I APOLOGIZE FOR MY REVELATION AT THE END THERE. IM A DEGENERATE AT HEART. BUT I MUST REMAIN CLEAN. IF NOT TUMBLR GODS WILL KILL OUR CUL #but like i said i can be suggestive. heh. heh. #peep how i said [blank under the cut] heh. wow im such an online person. #oh how cool of me

[cursehole]

saw your oc lore post.... my time to shine >:3

the big 4! little moon, cupid, permanent hole, and fortune!! what the heck are those sillies!!! do they know each other?

oh my gosh dsfsdfI'm flattered you'd ask hehI'll write in the undercut and try to keep it short.

Before all this tho, I think it's important to understand that my ocs and the world they inhabit dont need to make sense logically. Think of it as a children's book. Roald Dahl's books, for instance, or something like 'The Chocolate Touch' etc All in all, my ocs dont make logical sense. They live in a world where stuff just IS.

So! Fortune and Cupid do know one another, and Fortune loves Cupid very much. If you've ever seen a kid just fawn over an actor (like I did when I was a kid over Leonardo DiCaprio) that's the vibe. Cupid lives in a well, and Fortune visits often to throw in a coin to see him. He's generally nice to her, but a little confused and just rolls with it like 'ok this little dog wants to run around my well and look at me for a few minutes. That's fine.' Fortune on her own is a little wandering dog. She was born from a sentient "blood" puddle, perhaps a puppy fell in and was blessed with sentience as well. Fortune remembers her first moments of life, but has lost her way back to the puddle. She longs to see it again, and she wanders to find it. She may "tell your fortune" if you happen to meet her, however, it may or may not be a reliable reading. Her strongest and most accurate predictions are usually bad omens or looming tragedy. If you're in danger, Fortune will certainly tell you. I draw her in many ways that don't relate to her lore, of course. She is fun to explore with, and often ends up expressing many of my emotions etc! ( People ask me often if the puddle is a SCP inspired thing, but its inspired by the birth of Lurtz in LoTR and Shadowmere who is born from a tar pit lol) Cupid on his own IS a bad omen, perhaps why Fortune is so aware of him, whereas others only glimpse him before disaster strikes. Cupid is not evil, nor is he good. He is indifferent, guided by a nature one cannot relate to. If you see him, you are likely at the finale of your life. If you're lucky enough, Fortune may help you avoid your terrible fate by guiding you to Cupid's well. If you throw down a few coins or something of value, Cupid will spare you by not appearing to you at all, therefore successfully evading your disastrous end. Permanent Hole is more symbolic than Fortune and Cupid. He represents being at your absolute worse. He represents that constant drag that threatens to bring you into the darkest pit of yourself, thats why he is a 'cat' living in a hole. You could be grabbed at any moment, or simply fall in. He will try his hardest to tempt you to come his way because it feels easier to be in a dark hole and let yourself go. He knows you personally, and you him. He remembers you, he will try to bring you back to that hole again. But never fear, his arms can only reach so far and you can avoid him if you can find it in yourself to walk right by. Ideally, someday you can fill that hole and bury him forever. Little Moon is also more symbolic I guess. He brings back your fondest memories, though they can hurt sometimes. You might try to let a memory go, because it has been broken, but he will bring them back to you in dreams and thoughts you have quietly before bed. He can only come to you during the full moon, he crosses the sky for you and slips into you. He can feel what you feel, he knows what you love and what you need to keep. He won't let you forget. (Cats have always been something I relate myself to idk why) Anyway, thank you for asking :~) I hope you like them!

#ocs #permanent hole #fortune #little moon #cupid #ask #anon #edit

[spotsupstuff]

AHHHHH YOUR ANCIENTS THEY JUST-- *smacks ground in word difficulty* --THEY JUST MAKE SENSE!!!!!!!!

I've been studying the in-game graffiti a lot lately to try and create the most canon-accurate designs as I can (cause I'm a loser and have no creativity unless its like three in the morning) and even though I know you're not aiming for it your designs are literally the closest to "canon" ancient designs I've found. hybvendoifwensc I'm very normal about this

And now I honestly feel a bit bad because somehow all of my headcanons seem to be copying your headcanons and I feel like a jerk but your lore is SO GOOD I CAN'T HELP IT ARGH

OF COURSE ancients are some sort of evolved anemone creature. If you look closely their hair is CLEARLY NOT HAIR ITS LITERALLY TENTACLES

And that thing you just posted about the feeding tentacles?? YES. JUST. YES. one of the graffitis shows an ancient with little dots around its mouth/nose area and I had though they were some form of whiskers but little face tentacles are SO MUCH COOLER

I could seriously rant about your lore for hours it drives me crazy in the best way possible

also while I'm here I just want to say that. caper and sparrows. iubegibikuadukibjukd WHY do all of your characters make me feel so many THINGS AHHHHH

sorry for the rant please give all of your blorbos head pats from me

ah! -screenshots ur ask n put it into my emotional support channel- another one added to the collection......

but SERIOUSLY NOW THANK YOU SGDKLJLKSCMKSLDMKL would u believe me if i said i tried making them into platypi.. n then gave up on it n wanted to regress into "oh fuck it, they'll be lizards"..... like the initial designs for Sparrows are so aggressively mid tier

therefore i'd be very amiss if i didn't yell that tumblr user dragonpropaganda plays a Key role in all of this. thanks to 'em i also looked to the graffiti for inspiration!

and with this i mean to get to the conclusion that u dont gotta feel like a jerk!! true dat the ancients aren't all that clearly defined, but we Are still drawing/designing/thinking of the same species and looked to same inspirations. similar headcanons and such are bound to happen, nothin much to do bout that!

EITHER WAY I AM VERY HONORED TO GET THE "has probably the most canon conforming ancient designs tumblr user ardienothesieno has seen so far" JGKLSDCMSDLKMGKLKML YEAAAAH,,, I DON'T,, care for bein canon conforming but it's like getting bullseye in darts while you are blindfolded it's a Really funny n cool feeling

AND I'M GLAD THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING THE CHARACTERS AND DONT APOLOGIZE FOR RANTS!!! i adore reading this kind of analyzation stuff, i really enjoyed this one n i enjoy those that alter1214 wrote me!! i'm kinda slow with replyin to 'em cuz i usually just excitedly nod n stim along as i go thru it, but by gods rest be assured that you don't ever need to apologize for this gljsdlkcmsdkl

#Spot says stuff #rw #that hair Really was the dead give away- i guess i was in denial/blind to it until ive seen the graffiti but the moment i did oh man.. #''mother!! fucker!!!! i SAW YOU IN A NATURE DOCUMENTARY. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE OU YEA I GOTCHA **NOW**''

[bring-us-back-light]

you turned off reblogs so i couldnt reply, @socalgal

which is fine, if you dont want to continue the discussion, you dont need to reply. but i am entitled to responding. im not entitled to you reading it, feel free to ignore it!

i really respect and appreciate you listening and having this discussion, but i think theres still a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

one thing thats become apparent to me, is theres a conflation of underlying topics that i dont know how to segregate. because theyre super intertwined. one is pedophilia, which to persecute is thought crime. the other is pornographic content of not real kids (such as writing or drawings, but not photographs or videos of real kids). which my stance is that creation of is ethically neutral and non harmful and therefore shouldnt be disallowed. rather reading it can be harmful such as when someone with relevant trauma gets retraumatized, or can be harmful to send it to others such as in the case of grooming. but in none of these scenarios is the harmful act creating it or posting it, nor is the party causing harm the author (unless the author is also the person retraumatizing themselves, or the person grooming a kid). even if a fic isnt tagged properly and someone stumbled across it and reads without informed consent, the harmful action was not giving the proper warnings. not posting it in yhe first place.

im not sure what group the rest of your reply is about. proshippers and pedophiles are very different groups. obviously its a venn diagram just like marine biologist and submariner is, but they are still distinct groups.

children will always be able to access porn. i think this is smth people try to avoid acknowledging, but its true. and i dont honestly think its the end of the world? like whats important is that kids (and anyone tbh) have support when they get ahold of things that made them uncomfortable and can get help processing stuff when needed. and that, separately, kids are given good educations about consent, sex ed, what interaction with other people is appropriate, and have safe trusted adults they can go to with questions or to seek advice if someone or something seems unsafe. kids are going to experiment with eachother. kids are going to look up and watch porn. kids may even look up tabboo porn. so long as they know that adults doing things to or with them is inappropriate and to get help, and they get support for processing anything they find troubling, they will be fine and not harmed by access to this stuff.

'suffering with pedophilic tendencies' not sure exactly what this means. pedophilia, once again, is attraction. not a behavior. tendencies, to me, obscures that distinction. but regardless they can literally just write their own. them being able to find it is not the authors problem. it is theirs for looking it up if it is harmful to them. grooming kids is the problem. not posting the fic or drawings. people will make their own content or groom kids without the use of fic or drawings.

we dont need to facilitate safe spaces, because people have that already in their room. people dont need access to clean needles or clean porn or controlled amounts to avoid overdosing, or stds, or poisoning. there is none of that involved in consuming porn. if there is a real human cost to jeffrey posting a pedophilic porn fic properly tagged, and janice jacking off to it in her room, please elaborate it to me. im open to being wrong. but you cant use slippery slope (consuming it is a gateway to causing harm) without substantiating evidence (which ive looked for so hard. please if you are aware of this please share it with me. i do not want people harmed and imo this is one of if not the main foundation of why i think my stance holds water). or false cause (someone using a posted fic to groom a kid. that did not happen because someone posted the fic it happened becuaee someone groomed the kid),

sorry that got really messy, rewording without parentheticals: i am open to being proven wrong or convinced otherwise that the act of creating porn featuring underaged character(s) and posting it with proper content warnings is ethically neutral and non harmful. But you have to prove that it is inherently harmful, so you cant depend on logical fallacies commonly used in this discussion like false cause or slippery slope.

also 'whatever nomenclature' youre referring to two different groups of people. so cant specify which you mean, but ive defined pedophile plenty of times.

and in response to your final paragraph: people do things all the time that should not be forced on others. vanilla adult porn shouldnt be posted on billboards. consenting adults shouldnt fuck on the subway (unless i suppose everyone in the car is consenting and you finish before the next stop i guess???). these are things that have the potential to be harmful, but are not in and of themselves. just like pedophilic porn.

[skaluli]

creator religion symbol oOoOooOOOOooo

idk if what i mean by the sticks thing is clear but you know how some people will make a physical object of the symbol, thats kinda that but makeshift. can be put on/in front/where ever on graves etc. stuff like that. places where you'd put a cross.

middle thing is the most known symbol. you can read.

the "more intense summon symbol" is based on the shit people draw on the ground to summon shit. idk the correct name for it or how to properly design one.

this whatever is me trying to come up with what a "creator" church would look like. (i need to think of a """"religion"""" name. since creators are pretty much just gods so therefore believing in them would have its own name.)

the "but how would people blah" sketch had the idea of the symbol floating but well like it says. how the hell would normal ass people make a floating hovering thing. then i thought maybe the church thing can be in the shape of the symbol from above. the towers being each of the """wing""" pieces and the lower """body""" piece can be like the stairs into the thing. i dont know man i dont make buildings.

bonus random corrupt drawing concept idk :

still figuring out corrupt a bit since they pretty much were a direct recolour of creator. (the main one, the one skaluli (the character) refuses to talk about, that one. god this is complicated.) i know the anorexic body proportions aint that correct, i kinda just winged it. the reason why i might give them that body type is the fact that they just fucking live in the void, they aint eating anytime soon. want them to look like they've just been left to rot, hense the long unkempt hair. maybe had their wings stripped, idk its a work in progress.

didnt mean to go that in detail hense it being a """bonus""". oh well

if you want me to talk about them or anything iitl related just hit me up i suppose???? i dont fucking know.

have a good rest of your life.

#sorry for all the religious bullshit didnt mean to take it as far as it is lmao #sorry to all the architects in the chat for how probably impracticable that building is #just realised i said sorry twice ... sorry #artluli #iitl #imagination is the limit #iitl lore dump #oc #original character #original series #concept art

[ghoulodont]

if we were to take ghoul elements very literally (i dont, but thats a different post for later. many people do and i support that) i think its interesting to consider the concept of a multi ghoul. what element is swiss?

for one thing, he has a guitar, and he plays a rhythm part¹, so he must be part quintessence ghoul. what else? hes got his tambourine and all that. a tambourine is a percussion instrument -> earth. however, cirrus and cumulus also (sometimes²) have a tambourine and we always call them air ghouls. thus:

hand percussion is air, or

cirrus and cumulus are multi ghouls

i think the air instrument is solidly keyboards, based on historically what air ghouls have been responsible for (though im not good at history so someone correct me if im wrong please). cowbell ghoul was cowbell ghoul, not an air ghoul. therefore i would go with tambourines (etc) being an earth instrument.

then theres also singing. the air ghoulettes sing, and aether also sang but not the new quintessence ghoul. the old air ghouls didnt sing either. so is it just independent? elementless? when do we stop? swiss is also dancing his ass off all the time, does that have an element?

i think this is what draws me away from the strictly followed elements in my own writing. i dont mind this when im reading other peoples work, but when i try to write about it myself, the holes in the logic frustrate me endlessly. regardless, based on the performances weve seen³, i would probably consider swiss a 50/50 quintessence & earth ghoul, singing is its own thing without an element, and all the rest is just him being his charming self

i made this up. i can never hear the separate parts clearly in any live video and ive never been to a ritual (yet!) but he usually looks like hes playing chords

these are times when they arent playing keyboards. it would be so easy to look at cirrus or cumulus with just a tambourine vs swiss with just a tambourine and say theyre doing the same thing so they must be the same, i.e. swiss is (part) air, but you cant do that because you took their other instrument away

this is the loophole. whos to say that swiss doesnt have hidden talents? he could have any element and we just dont know unless he shows us

#ghoul philosophy

[maxellminidisc]

I don't think people have an obligation to "like" or "enjoy" art within the realm of abstract expressionism, cubism, de stijl, etc. I fully understand why an average Joe would be put off by these movements (and personally abstract expressionism and some of cubisms most lauded sons like Picasso are NOT my favorites, at all), especially since so much of the art that is accessible and most known to the average person has a idk, a lushness and a humanity to it that makes it charming/comprehensible, AND so much of the art we LIVE and function next to that could be argued is abstract or geometric, has the benefit of being lived in and therefore gone unacknowledged in such a strange ironic way.

When in comparison, a lot of abstract expressionism or cubist abstraction IS hard to read, to find purpose or a story in, and that can definitely be off putting to someone who's relationship with art has only ever been one of narrative. And its simplicity is more so often either within the realm of the clinical and mathematical or so chaotic in a way which evokes negative emotion, like an uncomfortable explosion of emotion that somebody is putting on you as a viewer. It would make anyone think they can like idk grab a ruler and figure it out or grab a can of paint and fuck about, which again, don't necessarily blame anybody for.

Like its very easy for people who don't live or surround themselves or wish to absorb much knowledge of art, to be dismissive of what it takes to make ANY kind of art including that which looks "easy" and I get it, because it's not their lived experience. But, sometimes when I see the running joke of how easy or dumb people think abstract art is, it reminds me of how easy it is in general for ANY art to be dismissed. I just think because abstract art is sooo polarizing, it bares the brunt of most people's disconnect from art and it's more easily perceptible there and more easy to use it as a vehicle for the conversation on why art is important.

It reminds me how people think making art in general is deceptively easy or not a "real job". I'm an artist who mostly works within I guess romanticism/classism, but without the glorification of white people?? (I basically paint or draw mostly people and portaits in detail both illustrative or more rendered with evocation of some kind of emotion) lol but I STILL get people tell me what I do isn't like hard or a legitimate career despite how much it took me to teach a lot if this to myself and how much of toll this shit take on my body AND my mind/emotions. And yeah, I got friends that make abstract art and that shit is equally as exhausting an experience to them.

I just think at the very least we owe each other a sort of a nod of idk VERY basic acknowledgment or respect at what it takes to make anything as an audience and an artist and as well...people. Again, I dont think you have to like art you don't feel necessarily moved by or that you can't criticize it either, but I think any artists would appreciate genuine criticism or a simple "eh, it's not my thing, moving on" over being dismissed in a sense of mockery. But idk I'm probably just WAAAAY too up in my feelings or something LMAO

...Of course this is NOT to say I think some art shouldn't definitely be like idk sent to hell just cause "its art". Imo art IS an extension of someone in some capacity, and not all people who make art are good people and not all intention put into art is always good. I just think the stuff that isn't necessarily harmful should just be given its respectful space and be enjoyed by people who it clicks with I guess.

[cpyclopse]

Part 2 of my tma face hcs made via Potato Lord's picrew bc i dont wanna draw them. My ideas are ever changing and therefore not consistent, even the sasha one i made last time feels off now, i just cant really picture her idk.

First we have Melanie

(Lie shes actually a lesbian nvm about the background). She gives off cool girl dont talk to me vibes Denim jacket (no patches), and cool earrings. I think she has to have some sort of middle length hair or its just not right, its also dyed blue at the tips. I totally forgot she blinded herself, so the glasses have a double function.

Second off we got Gerogie

Shes bi and shes just a cool person. Her denim jacket does have patches but its not a full on battle jacket. Idk the mole just felt right. I do think she wears beanies too (as someone who wears one 24/7). He hair has a red to it as well wether dyed or like its just like that. She also wears a tiny bit of makeup, nothing all out, the natural look(tm) and like eye liner.

The canonically hot one Oliver

I like how its cannon hes just hot, good for him. I loke to think him and jane were friends and were like wlw mlm solidarity. Having long hair makes you hotter, i do make the rules, there also dyed white. He has sleeping problems i dont think ever really went away so he has some eye bags. Some crystal jewelry bc he worked at that metaphysical shop. Im also starting to think he could be bi too, being bi is cool

The furry (tm) Daisy

This is pre coffin, she has a blonde pony tail she never undoes. I didn't really have a sexuality hc for her so i made her bi. She has a couple scars from he job as a pig. She wears basic professional ish clothing bc shes a detective or something she wears like a compression work out top underneath.

The other furry (pig edition) Basira

I really never felt her, i kinda liked her when she was just hanging out reading in jons office but then she wasnt cool anymore- i dont go out of my way to think about her ig. Shes just wearing a hijab and detective clothes. Im sorry if yall like her, my brain comes up with nothing. I do think shes into daisy so she could be a lesbian.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma headcanons #Melanie king #georgie baker #oliver banks #daisy tonner #alice daisy tonner #basira hussain #this wasn't anywhere as good as the first sorry

[fictionfixations]

twins

about twins.

is it better to be seen as the 'better' or 'worse' twin, constantly compared

or is it better to be seen as one person when you are two?

for one, in a world where people tend to be attracted to each other by looks. some people think that getting with one twin would also be getting with the other as they'd be 'sharing' (which. i mean if you're into that kind of thing good for you, i have no issues with that, but it is also still kind of creepy when you think that way without anyones permission yknow?)

and its just like. no? they're two people. yes they look the same (i dont know much about twins tho. idk if twins that dont look like each other are a thing or not) but they could have different dislikes, different likes, different dreams..

but then. if both twins act differently then each other, then its cause for comparison. like, 'ohh, why can't [] be as [] as their twin?' when you probably wouldn't do that for a pair of siblings (well. that's kind of a lie.. because they do still go 'oh, why can't you be as' uh 'mild-mannered as your [sibling]!')

and its just very suck-y. cause regardless, you're just kind of, idk viewed as an extension of your sibling? that they just kind of see you guys as the same thing and therefore can't help but draw comparisons.

anyway ive never had a twin so idk how it feels like to have one (id imagine its honestly just like having a sibling. except there's no 'older sibling-younger sibling'. i mean there still can be, whether its on whose more mature, or who was born first, but still. just. kinda equal. both on a middle ground of sorts?? maybe? idk. siblings fight.)

ive just read a stupidly high amount of fics with twins. (i swear there isn't all just 'evil twin that comes when reincarnated/past lives/time travel where mc is neglected but secretly op but everyone thinks it was the twin who also acts like a spoiled brat')

and honestly most of that is fred and george weasley. which a lot of fics tend to touch more on them being considered the 'same' to where they get the same presents and same things and that the people close to them don't notice any differences between them (except the protag, which makes them attached and adopt them as n honorary sibling, cause they feel very touched.)

#writing ideas #fic ideas #thoughts #twins

[volskayadottxt]

things i learned from rare pair week

back when i hosted ramyatta week, drawing so much and so consistently for a few weeks helped me improve a lot. i feel like ive probably gotten the same thing from rare pair week. specifically...

-lineart is my fav part of the process, i like indicating heavy shadows with solid blocks of black or very dark brown.

-my fave types of brushes to ink with are fineliner mimics with a bit of dithering. while brushes with more pressure are nice, i think i honestly prefer just painting and carving into my lines. its why doing lineart properly takes me hours and hours but i really like the results...

-coloring is my least favorite part. but i hate how solid flat colors look. therefore... we have a problem.

-I NEED TO USE REFERENCES MORE like im just not good enough to build a pose from form construction alone! i wont be for ages so why am i trying this hard??

-i do not fucking like drawing people. like i just dont. idk what but the only pieces i had motivation on were the ones with an omnic involved. maybe thats why i quit a decade ago. but i cant force myself to draw humans if i dont like it, no matter how much i wanna draw zarya being sexy or mauga being beefy (still lesbian hes just super fun to draw in small bursts bc he is so Shaped)

i was not destined to be a beefy woman artist...

while i was working on my day 4 i actually was also rewatching tengen toppa gurren lagann with a friend and honesty... i might try to just steal whats going on in those eyecatches. the big, blocky shadows, the feathering at the shadow edges, and the pale and just slightly desaturated colors...

yeah... ive been thinking about these a lot. my brain was already primed to go in this direction since i started reading idw1 transformers. a lot of mtmte/ll is rendered this way regarding shadows and how they indicate form. actually, i think a lot of transformers art is.

yes these are from my cygate screenshots folder...

so anyways, the plan is to draw cosmic crisis ramyatta for a bit and finally dip my toes into transformers art. ill have my hands full with the shambali boys and the lost light crew so!!

if i draw any humans anytime soon it'll be venture. actually i do wanna draw them as simon from ttgl!!

#laurencedottxt

[high-theyre-frendough]

I don't usually reblog art on tumblr (to this page I mean, usually it goes on my main blog cause there's more followers there) but I fucking love art. I fucking love fucking comic artists with their awesome fucking comics with fucking scribbly faces that somehow perfectly encapsulate human emotion. I love traditional artists with their watercolor and crayons and oil pastels and fucking idk acrilic paint and charcoal and pencils and shit. I love seeing timelapses and expressive gestures below finished products. I love seeing it. I fucking love art thats non traditional like throwing rice or assembling Rubik's cubes. I LOVE IT ITS FUCKING GREAT. The skill and creativity. I fucking love it. I love seeing fairies and other magical creatures and scifi settings. I love seeing them so much and i would say fantasy and magic in any setting is beautiful and bassass dddd cause I love faries and shit but honestly all settings great. I fucking love it all. I WANNA SEE FUCKING INKY PAINTED CHARCOLS. fucking helle. i love the goddamn fanart of television shows and other media wirh worse art. i swear to fucking god. some of you artists dont get enough love. even """ammatures""" fuck that. youre all fcuking great. i am more of a writer than a visual artists (((not proof here but trust me when im actually writing i am fucking good at it. fuck you dad. i am good at fucking writing. See, the fucking idiot said. If I just put in active effort to write, and use the baskspace button, the writing becomes better. It is one of my few skills, therefore I feel like I can acknowledge I am good at it. Personally, like I alluded to earlier, I enjoy fantasy. I have spent years escaping into fantasy stories. Sometimes I fail to finish them, due to adhd and depression, but what I do create actually is fucking good. When I was younger, I wrote on Wattpad, and like the pretentious little shit I was, I would leave comments on all the stories I read correcting grammar. I have spent so long studying story structure (admittedly informally) and used to read a lot which, I'm trying to do more again soon. however for the purposes of this textpost, its too much effort especially in this context))) anyways fucking hell one time this person (who sounded kinda young tbh in text) messaged me on wattpad and asked for permission to make FAN ART OF THE MAIN CHARACTER OF MY STORY I WAS WORKING AT THE TIME and i was like HOLY SHIT THEY WANNA MAKE FANART OF MY CHARACTER and they did and were embarassed about it SOMEHOW and it was so good this drawing (looked great)

found it you can read the story here anyways yeah fucking artist. fucking love yoou guys hell yeah. did i mention watercolors? landscape artists? comics? comic writers who use their art as a way to communicate serious things? with non bland fucking corporate art bullshit. thank you for explaining complex issues to me in an easier way. thank you for helping translate news stories and recent issues with colorful doodles and comics to help me understand. thank you for making me more interested in graphs and statistics. thank you for making one facet of numbers that are more acceptable to me. thank you for the above average more competent graphic design. thank you so much. i love you fucking porn artists. i fucking love you furties and trans people drawing ideal selves to show EVERYONE IS AN IDEAL BODY YO SOMEONE BECAYSE EVERYONE SEES DIFFERENT AND YOURELLL FUCKING GREAT and all the beads and candy art and custom sculptures that are useeful or mayve not and doodle sn scrivles and crazy experiments. and fucking dumbass youtubers who spent $$$$ making the most creative but also stupid and useless shit you have ever seen in your goddamn life because who even thinks of theses things ans went through and did it because why the fuck not. you are infuriating but entertain my world compared to the commentators who will make their own little sketches and lectures in their own videos. fucking fucking shit. all og it. whenever i see someone go "idk if i can make animation itll look silly* WHO FUCKING CARES BRING ON THE SILLY AND LET IT SLOWLY AND SATISFYINGLY EVOLVE INTO MORE COMPLEX AND DETAILED ANIMATION FOR THR WORLD HELL YEAH I LOVE THE EVOLUTION FROM SILLY BOUNCE TO MUSIC TO COMPLEX SHORT STORIES AND SHIT YOUR GODDAMN CHARACTER ARC IS NECESSARY FOR ENTERAINMENT JUST FUCKING DO IT BECAYSE ALL PARTS ARE EQUALLY ENTERTAINING IN DIFFERENT WAYS come on just fucking draw. fellow yarn people. i know you. look at me i am you. i am an amature but fuck it ill try to keep up. fucking love you crochet and knitters and sewers making plushies and custom clothing and shit yes fuck yeah. KEEP THAT SHIT UP i just make giant enormous pride flag knitted blankets (cant make money doing that cause no one is dropping $200 for that - which would be underpaying me probably) i have seen the most intricate and detailed fucking crochet lingerie and other outfits and they are so fucking cool all of it i love it fuck yeah. i probably forgot something but for some reason i cannot feel my fingers because there is no bloodflow and they are frozen because i have undiagnosed and untreated circulatory problems

#♻️ gilded profoundness #artist #art #art stuff #transgender artists #watercolor #charchol #oil pastels #animation artists #scars cw #excessive swearing cw #all caps cw #shouting cw #excessive cursing cw #depression mention #art things #artist appreciation #artist my beloved #comic artists #statistics #artists of color #poc artists #i forgot about cosplayers but ily #art shit #fuck yeah

[bulkhummus]

Current Thoughts:

Read several "meet the family" fics with Cecil leaving Night Vale and having to deal with the terrors of mundanity. They're generally great fun and I enjoy them, but the bulk of them involve Cecil trying to chill out/conform/be less weird, usually at Carlos's request.

I have a craving for a story where it's Cecil attempting to act "normal" and failing horribly, while Carlos is encouraging him to just be himself. Bonus points if Weird Shit just kinda follows Cecil around, Night Vale or no. Thoughts?

(Or just your thoughts on Cecil meeting Carlos's family in general)

i actually have a long one-shot that ive been writing that tackles this but — i write cecil differently than i draw him! im gonna put this under a cut because it’s probably gonna be a long explanation—

i write cecil as someone you can’t look at too closely or else you begin to realize things don’t add up (his tattoos change but never enough to be too noticeable, his third eye is really just a scar on his forehead that sometimes looks more like an eye, his carpet bag is too small for the amount of clothes he brought, sometimes his height changes, his eye color my shift with his mood, sometimes he looks softer or sometimes more angular and sharp but you can’t tell if its the lighting or him) — like theres always some loose but logical explanation for the changes in his appearance and behavior but if u think to hard he doesnt make sense.

i have a fic where cecil comes home with carlos for a long weekend— and he meets the whole family. And instead of him conforming to the outside world, its based around what Cecil, And what the idea of Night Vale means, changes the people in Carlos’ family for the better, making them think differently than they did, etc.

I really like the thin line between a stranger and just plain strange. Everyones a little weird before you know them, everyones very complex once you really start to look at them, and I think Cecil knows that better than anyone— and I write him as someone who is very good at getting personal info out of people by asking the right questions (which could be bc hes omniscient or perhaps hes just a good journalist etc). i think horror stories that explore that little overlap are fascinating so i try to write them! i also personally love reclaiming a ‘monster’ narrative and give it a queer lens ( lgbtq+ people who relate to cryptids/monsters/ villains etc which is a fascinating sociological thing And for another post) cecil would think carlos’ family and the outside world is just as strange and fascinating as Carlos does Night Vale!

i hope that sort of gives you a feel— i think cecil would adore carlos’ family and he also wouldn’t realize AT ALL that they’re making faces at eachother when he says something bonkers or dresses crazy because hes cecil and they LOVE AND ADORE carlos and see how over the moon Carlos is for him and therefore they love cecil endlessly. i dont think its in character for Carlos to ask cecil to conform in any kind of way, because i think his love and fascination for cecil is the endless journey of trying to understand him!

(my fic is also about overcoming internalized homophobia/transphobia, though carlos’ family has never been anything but accepting so its not that kind of narrative— like night vale is just a cool accepting place for him to explore and going back to his childhood home means everyones gonna see all the exploring hes done and his very GNC boyfriend kind of way— like the dichotomy of carlos maybe casually worrying “they’re probably staring at cecil because hes wearing a skirt or whatever’ when NO its actually because cecil is three inches taller than yesterday and his family is super chill abt queer stuff is both funny and understandably stressful misinterpretations of the same situation. Like THATS the area i like to explore in a fic/trope like this for wtnv.

one day soon ill post it— its honestly done I just gotta do some editing when i have time and i‘ll throw it up on ao3

#I hope that was a satisfying answer! #sorry this was longer than i meant to i got lost in the sauce thinking about queerness and horror and love #i love this trope more than anything because i love exploring cecil’s vague powers and LOVE #its very sappy and sweet and its cute #maybe ill edit it tn if my employer doesnt want edits on work i just sent him #wtnv #cecilos #ask tag #anon

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. lo hades def looks like he's into crypto, you know what I mean? especially bc you cant be taxed on it, the richer the better!

2. This isnt even just LO but why do so many of the romance comics have such a desire to sexualize barly legal young women who are of COURSE naive virgins (but also super sexy and horny and know how to flirt out of the blue!) and try and make us root for them to get into relationships with their Christian Grey knock-off bosses?? like Let's Play (spoilers I guess) thought it'd be funny to have the MC be in physical PAIN after having sex, like why are you showing your teen audience this???

3. Nah I feel the same way as other anon. LO is way too confused on whether it's a light hearted YA story or a serious drama for Mature™️ readers. Like the SA and (one) therapy session was more or less handled perfectly fine, but everything from the AOW to the Trial is either incredible goofy or tries way too hard to be "serious" with RS and her team both not putting the writing nor art skill into it to hold any weight. It just comes across as melodramatic and try-hard over genuine and well planned

4. There's so many "quirks" in LO's art that are bad but WHY is it a thing where when a character is just standing there their arms and legs are just glued to the side of their bodies like🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️🧍? that's not how even soliders at attention stand, there's still bones and muscles to account for but they end up with that end product? I just do not get how her and her team have probably 50+ years of art education and practice between them and yet they fail on such basic concepts every time.

5. I for one think that the differences between how characters slapping each other is depicted as either good or bad depending on who’s doing the slapping isn't hypocritical of RS: Hecate slaps Hades because she thinks he’s being predatory towards Persephone, this is a well-intentioned slap. Minthe’s slap on the other hand, is not justifiable because she was in the wrong in the context of that conflict: you don’t get to just stand your boyfriend up and hit him when he’s hurt by it.

6. it's just funny WT itself has a posting rule that your comic "cant show topics like incest or grooming" as if thats not the majority of the romance genre itself. yall ever read eggnoid? cmon now.

7. punderworld made a myth rec list and go figure some lo fans were in the comments saying "LO was all [they] needed" and its like how would you even know this episode happened unless you were subbed to punderworld, therefore proving they keep up with other myth comics? also the creator got upset at the lo fans being mad she didnt also rec LO as if its not the most advertised series on that whole site and she was promoting smaller creators. LO fans are so entitled even to other creators it's crazy.

8. I think the issue with the “let people like things” argument (and the fans do this so much) is that I’m All for that, I and every other critic isnt saying you can’t like, hell there’s parts of it I do like and wish there was more of! But if you go “just let people enjoy things!!” when it comes to legitimate criticism (ie misogyny, racism, classism, mishandling of trauma and assault to push a romance along, etc) you don’t care about others opinions, you just want them to like YOUR thing.

9. we already know rachel is a weeb but it's most obvious when it's a kissing scene because she does NOT draw lips but all of a sudden they get huge and glossy when theyre about to smooch but nothing else about the face adjusts with it and it's like what the hell is that 😭

10. i honestly dont blame lo fans for buying books of it even if the quality of it degrades rapidly after vol 1, once it ends (maybe in five years at this rate) webtoons will right away put it on daily pass which is notoriously a bad venue for rereads/new readers who missed when it was originally published and given how rachel has no sense of less is more, itll cost hundreds of dollars just to read the current 190+ episodes, much the many more shell milk out of it. might as well avoid that now 😵‍💫

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lo critical #lore olympus critical

[relaxxattack]

I mostly read at night when i am without internet but i'll give you updates on what i know so far in the mornings and stuff

Information i know about Homestuck/thoughts i have about it as of now:

Davekat canon

The meteor is a prime place for drama and characters talking (or not talking that is also drama)

I think i have the quadrants/hemospectrum understood as of now they are very neat

Still have no idea what prospit/derse is or how the classes work

I cant tell Equius and Erdian apart i am so sorry my dudes

Rose and Kanaya are my favs, Dave and Karkat are close behind them

Someone tell me more about Jade i want to like her i just dont know enough about her

for that matter someone go into more detail about some of the other trolls (Sollux, Gamzee, Feferi, Nepeta, Eridian, Equius) cause i have basically only seen Meteor fics as of now and i need to know who my options for blorbos are

I have skimmed the with wtf is up with calliope/caliborne?????

Davesprite was compared to ghostbur so i know they deserved better

How many of these dudes died?????

I have also watched Sarah Z's vids about homestuck and therefor i am not touching the epiologes/homestuck 2 stuff because it scares me

i have also read some of your dsmp homestuck au stuff and it was interesting!

there's timetravel and clones and i am also scarred to touch that

John is trans? maybe? have seen conflicting takes on this

Vriska seems like a character i'd love to hate in canon but also she makes things interesting and for that i respect her

What if Terezi's deal girl i need to read more fics about you

and i think thats it? for now at least. Will update with more info/questions as i read more

answers your questions under the cut :]

Davekat canon

yeah i could write essays on this. i hate when people are like "why do they get pushed together in the epilogues/hs2" look i hate postcanon as much as the next guy but DID YOU READ HS. THEY ARE GAY. THEYRE TOGETHER.

The meteor is a prime place for drama and characters talking (or not talking that is also drama)

this is true!! the 6 of them were stuck on that meteor for three YEARS from the ages 13-16... its no surprise drama happened

I think i have the quadrants/hemospectrum understood as of now they are very neat

KK's written a lot about both of these! if you ever want to see if you've got it right :]

Still have no idea what prospit/derse is or how the classes work

nobpdy really does and tbh it was never all that important to the story.

I cant tell Equius and Erdian apart i am so sorry my dudes

how could you do this to my boy (lets you infer which of them i mean)

Rose and Kanaya are my favs, Dave and Karkat are close behind them

!!! GOOD PICKS. LOVE THEM.

Someone tell me more about Jade i want to like her i just dont know enough about her

jade grew up by herself on a deserted island raised by a dog! then she fuses with her dog later! shes very sweet but also says fuck! idk i think shes fun

for that matter someone go into more detail about some of the other trolls (Sollux, Gamzee, Feferi, Nepeta, Eridian, Equius) cause i have basically only seen Meteor fics as of now and i need to know who my options for blorbos are

sollux: incredible perfection amazingness my sun my shining star. ok so basically he got ZERO screentime in canon despite being objectively one of the coolest characters. hes like. a hacker and a little shit but he saves everyones lives multiple times. thats him.

gamzee: i know some people like him but. mm. :/. basically he is a murderous juggalo. hes doped up all the time but once he gets sober he murders a large portion of the cast. so that happens.

feferi: princess! shes either super sweet or very white knighty/privileged. i honestly havent figured it out yet. she didnt get a lot of canon screentime so

nepeta: CAT GIRL oh my god she deserved to live. oh precious sweet nepeta. she draws shipping charts and likes to roleplay as a cat.

eridan: he was a bitch and flirted with everyone who looked at him (and some who didnt). typically hes hated on but ive come around to him more recently since he was pretty young and rereading some of his dialogue is tragic.

equius: hated by most people because in canon hussie uses him mostly for bestiality jokes and jokes about getting off to the idea of authority. i love him though i think he didnt deserve it. if you get a chance watch equius's pesterquest route he is a sweetheart actually. a weirdo but a sweetheart.

you can also read their wiki pages to learn more about any of them if you want!

I have skimmed the with wtf is up with calliope/caliborne?????

that is so hard to exlpain but. they are siblings and share a body (this is normal for their species), one wakes up when the other goes to sleep. caliborn is a cartoonishly exaggerated misogynist and callie is just a sweetie who makes mistakes sometimes. idk if its a hot take but i actually love caliborn hes fucking hilarious tbh

Davesprite was compared to ghostbur so i know they deserved better

davesprite deserved EVERYTHING.

How many of these dudes died?????

probably all of them at least once? except PM, i think she never died. fuck yeah mail lady supremacy.

I have also watched Sarah Z's vids about homestuck and therefor i am not touching the epiologes/homestuck 2 stuff because it scares me

yeah its. bad.

i have also read some of your dsmp homestuck au stuff and it was interesting!

thank you!

there's timetravel and clones and i am also scarred to touch that

the clones bit is actually easy to understand, every character is a clone. they are all paradox clones as in they were never born and they were just cloned from themself via time magic. as for the time travel shit yeah that is confusing as fuck.

John is trans? maybe? have seen conflicting takes on this

there's a popular fanon that john transitions into a girl called june. the author agreed to represent this in canon but then literally never did and the fans who wanted june were robbed. so trans john (june) isn't canon, but she's very popular and pretty cool. personally i don't mind either way.

Vriska seems like a character i'd love to hate in canon but also she makes things interesting and for that i respect her

same. i love vriska like shes the worst but i love her

What if Terezi's deal girl i need to read more fics about you

SO MUCH!! she is so much. oh my god. shes everything. i wish i knew a good terezi centric fic, shes very very interesting

and i think thats it? for now at least. Will update with more info/questions as i read more

ok!! ^_^ tysm for the asks!!

#homestuck

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh OIKS ROUTE

a/n: this,,,, is probably the angstiest out of the routes and i seem to only write angst for oikawa and i think its a problem

this is for @what-a-creative-username​ bc oikawa is their favorite seijoh boy so this is for you 🥺

and actually buckle your seatbelts bc this is my longest work and its the biggest mess ever :’) also, this is kinda all over the place soooo

anon:

- May we have an x Oikawa ending to the Manager AU?

- okaayyyy so this is a request for the manager series. please pleASE PLEASEEEEE- make a oikawa ending! 🥺 cuz he’s my favorite and all those times with him in the story feel like more than just friends

OMG IM SORRY BUT MY INNER OIKAWA SIMP THAT I NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN THERE STARTED TO PEAK THROUGH

so basically yea

as seen in a lot of the parts,

oikawa is very,,,, loving towards you

like his entire demeanor was just so different and so,,, authentic,,,, than the ones he shows to other females

maybe it was because you didnt want him in the beginning?

the moment he saw you, he did his first antics and he expected you to turn red and fluster and cutely shy away from him 

yanno the works

yet you gave him a stony stare and denied him

ofc he was hurt and a little offended bc were you rejecting him?

hes never been rejected before and he prides himself for that but you just did and continued to do that

so he made it his mission to make you at least feel something for him

like the period part or his random proclamations of his love for you

he did it all

it didnt matter if it would bite him in the ass later because he was impulsive and he wanted you to show yourself being affected with his charms

because he was the FREAKING OIKAWA TOORU

ong this is like his validation that he is still a ladies man and has a charm that couldnt be resisted by anyone

he constantly told you that he loved you to see a reaction from you and he always was touching you whether it was just the shoulder or your hand

oikawa wanted to see you as his own personal cheerleader and you reacting to his affections would really bring him over the moon

this brings us here in the gym today

‘y/n-chan, do you want to go-’

‘oikawa-san, i dont trust you wanting to go on an innocent outing without any hidden intentions’

the team snickered and he pouted, eyes watering and curling at your side

‘y/n-chan, please? oikawa-san really wants to spend time with you~’

he begged and you finally looked up from the notebook and stared at him

god hes been much more annoying lately but you knew it was his way of letting out his anxiousness and nervousness for the incoming interhigh

so you decided to indulge him just this once and made a deal with him

‘the moment you try anything, even remotely romantic or flirty, i will leave’

you bargained but he gasped

‘what?! then what’s the point of-’

‘so you DO have hidden intentions, oikawa-san?’

you raised your eyebrow causing oikawa to quickly shake his head and detach from you

‘fine. none of that stuff, just hanging out, okay?’

he was still fussy but he accepted it

oikawa had a plan to take you to a cafe that just opened up and take you shopping and basically spoil you because girls like that, right?

they fall for boys who give them everything, right?

nope

so i read a study that surprisingly most girls arent into shopping apparently and they prefer to buy something themselves because apparently they feel indebt and dependent on men if they let them spoil them like that

idk about you but i would let oikawa spoil me tho

his plans were completely crushed when you argued with him for nearly 15 minutes to take half of your tab with the food

‘y/n-chan! i invited you out so i should pay! and boys have to pay!’

he complained, holding the other end of the tab envelope thingy but you pulled it back towards you

‘oikawa-san. you should never listen to societal normalities and instead listen and respect my wishes of paying for my half rather than going by the rules of males paying for females’

im sensing a bit of a bokuto and akaashi typa relationship between you two

oikawa shook his head and slightly stood up to lean over the table, his face approaching yours and you were slightly surprised by the sudden closeness causing you to lean back and be focused on getting away so your grip on the tab loosened

he grinned as he snatched it away from your grasp and quickly placed his card into the slot before running up to the cashier

your mouth was slacked and surprise was still written on your face even when he returned and oikawa held up a peace sign to try and lighten up

but your shock morphed into being upset

‘oikawa-san, listen here. you had-’

but he waved you off with a smile

‘no, you listen here, y/n-chan. oikawa-san loves you therefore he will give you everything in the world and all you have to do is sit there and point at whatever you want because my love will bring it to you~!’

you rolled your eyes

‘please stop being like that, oikawa-san. im not your girlfriend so dont act like my boyfriend’

he lightly scoffed, disguising it with a cough

‘y/n-chan, i dont think you understand. oikawa-san is telling you to be his good little girl and sit down. i dont understand why youre being so stubborn’

he growled softly

wHAT iS hE sAYinG

you shook your head in disbelief and stood up collecting your things making the brunette to also stand up in curiosity

‘y/n-chan? youre leaving already? i wanted to go see other places with you! i wanted to take you shopping!’

you halted and looked up at him through your long eyelashes

‘oikawa-san, i’d rather you save your money and rest your injuries instead’

you reasoned but he raised his hands in front of him to signify his wish for you to stop

‘but i want to be with you, y/n-chan’

he whispered and you blinked

‘i dont want you to spend a single dime for me after this. just you and me, oikawa-san, no money, just us’

he nodded eagerly

‘we can go anywhere you want! just,,, stay with me’

then he found himself in a bookstore with you

it was a quaint hole in the wall bookstore that you both found as you walked down the street and you excitedly dragged him inside, hand still laced together

the rows of shelves that contained different worlds in the pages were your serotonin

he watched you excitedly run to the fiction section and browsed through the different spines for anything special to check out

‘y/n-chan, i’ll go use the bathroom really quickly’

you nodded and oikawa kissed your temple before he left towards the restroom

your eyes flitted across the different titles and you snatched a book of poetry

oikawa hurriedly walked over back to you but he didnt find you at the place you were before

so he continued sifting through the mini hallways of shelves and then he stopped

it was so,,, domestic 

seeing your bright eyes looking down at the book  on your hands and the way your mouth slightly moved with the words

it was such a simple sight yet why did you look so beautiful?

the shimmering eyes that flittered when you came across a sentence you liked 

the soft lips that kinda jutted out making his desire to feel it increase that he would give anything to feel on his own

you were so focused that you didnt notice him moving behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, only noticing his head resting on your shoulder

‘’come, my darling, it is never too late to begin our love again’’

he mumbled to your ear and you released one hand from the book to grasp his arms that were around your middle

‘you read poetry?’

you whispered and oikawa chuckled

‘of course. a man as romantic as I am ought to be a poet’

he reasoned and you laughed

‘yet you fail to sway me, oikawa-san’

‘no, there is a difference. you dont want my love but i know you want to be loved by me, i can assure you!’

you swiftly placed the book back on its former place and you turned around to swing your arms around his neck

‘hmm,,,, love was never something for me. especially with you boys around’

oikawa looked down to see your shorter height and he caressed your hip

‘i love you, y/n, so let me love you the way you deserve to be’

he whispered not understanding the weight of his words and you looked down to hide the growing blush on your face before burying your face into his sweater-clad chest

‘so not fair oikawa-san’

you mumbled against the fabric but he heard it and he bursted into giggles

‘ehh~~ youre not being the fair one, y/n-chan! youre make it so hard to not fall for you when youre so beautiful~!’

he whines and you rested your chin on him so you could look up at him and your pout made him squeeze you tighter

‘hah?! that doesnt make sense! im nothing but a mess of-!’

you started but was cut off when he kissed your nose and whispered:

‘but what a beautiful mess you are’

okay so i know this is the saddest one out of the routes but ive just been serving fluff so the angst is coming soon!!!!!!

once you both were finished in the bookstore, you suggested going to this hill that allowed you to see the stars clearer

‘hmm, oikawa-san, there’s this place that natsu used to take me to whenever he wanted to see the stars so i think you’d like it’

you mentioned while walking on the sidewalk

oikawa’s hand was clutching yours and you were swinging it back and forth while lightly skipping and kicking the rocks

he watched you, amused, at how child-like you were acting right now but he was also touched, knowing your knowledge of his love for space

‘sure!’

the night sky allowed the stars to light up and you both shared giggles and laughs as the two of you stumbled over your feet with no light except from above

however once you made it to the top of the hill, oikawa pulled you close to him as you huddled on a seated position

‘how’d you know i would like this, y/n-chan?’

he asked and you gave him an obvious look

‘hah? its so obvious! you keep drawing the cancer constellation on your skin and you had an astrology book in your bag that you were also reading in the bus’

your answer brought warmth inside him and he never thought you were so perceptive of him

you noticed every little thing he does and hes,,,, never had someone do that before

except for iwa and his family and team, no one knows of his little ticks and the way he becomes obsessive of a topic once he gets interested in it

you noticed it all

‘that right there, its the big dipper!’

you pointed and he followed the direction of your finger before nodding

‘yep! waaahhh its much prettier seeing it higher up than my roof!’

he exclaimed and your gaze left the constellation towards the boy beside you

‘really,, pretty’

you absentmindedly muttered yet he was sharp and heard you

‘but its different to look at something much more beautiful’

this caused you to quickly go back to looking at the stars so you missed his love-filled eyes

‘i want to name my children by constellations. so that they can keep the oikawa legacy going forever like constellations being at the sky for all eternity. or naming it after the sky! then i can make sure theyre never going away’

he said and you nodded

you kept pointing out different shapes and laughing at his funky claims of what some stars connected to and created

‘oikawa-san, lets go to the star festival later’

you offered and he in turn looked away from you, turning red at the way the small lights illuminated your face and somehow making it more,,,, angelic

so he covered it up with his own teasing 

‘oh? the meeting of the two lovers?’

you dont know why but your cheeks burned at the mention of the ‘L’ word and oikawa noticed, quickly poking fun of your cheeks

‘oh, y/n-chan, dont be so shy!’

you pouted and turned away

‘never mind’

oikawa’s laugh rang throughout the space and he pulled you closer, practically sitting on his lap, while pointing out the stars and him pressing kisses to your cheeks

the intertwining of your fingers combined with the kisses made you feel as if you were floating with how free you felt

and you loved every moment of it

after that outing with your captain, you were conflicted

it wasnt the first time he’s openly said he loved you and his shower of affections have been there since the very beginning

yet how come you were just now feeling,,,,, different??

you were sure you felt an odd feeling inside you when he said your name with no usual suffix and it wasnt just the food that didnt agree with you

whenever his lips came in contact with your skin, it left blazing trails of red that spread out as far as it could

the heartbeat that quickened once he kissed your forehead at your doorstep and the grin you last saw when you closed the door

or the unknown smile that you didnt know you had on until natsu, who was visiting, pointed it out

‘darling, why are you just standing there? and why are you smiling like that? its weird, stop it’

you didnt even have the attitude to scold him and you giggled before twirling and holding his hand

‘oh, natsu~ i want to dance! and sing!’

you shouted, taking him with you and dancing around the living room

tbh natsu was very worried but he remembered you mentioning that you were meeting some guy today and it might be the reason as to why you were acting like this

he was happy

you deserved to be loved as you are and you were finally getting that love

but,,,,,,,,,

it didnt last long

albeit having a lot of fun, oikawa seemed,,,, off to you

it was,,, awkward

maybe it was because you were now aware of some type of growing attraction inside of you or every little thing he does to you could send you into shapeshifting and channeling your inner tomato

forget potato, youre now a tomato

but even his touches and affections were now limited

restricted

like the the next time you both saw each other, you shyly but happily bounded up to him and greeted him good morning

but his eyes widened, taking a step back before laughing awkwardly

‘ah ha ha, hey y/n-chan’

oikawa greeted then side-stepped to enter the gym

god you felt like you were slapped in the face

you remained frozen, staring at the spot he previously occupied and your mind was running quickly

was it because your senses were now heightened that everything made you extra sensitive?

usually, oikawa would squeal at the fact you were even greeting him this morning but he literally just walked away from you

no, you were just,,,,

overreacting

right?

yea, just,,,

overreacting

iwa noticed your downcast expression and he had a feeling it had something to do with oikawa’s off expression

you hurriedly placed your bag down and took out your notebook to start taking notes for their practice

big boy ace went up to you and placed a hand on your arm which caused you to flinch

he immediately backed off, letting go and stepping back

‘wh-hey? y/n? you okay? did something happen?’

he worriedly asked but you shook your head, not even bothering to meet his eyes

‘uh-yea. mhm, perfectly fine’

you lied and he wanted to press further but mattsun and makki called you over to check out their blocks so you ran to them

but he had a feeling you were just taking every opportunity to not answer his questions

while you were pre-occupied with the meme team, iwa marched up to oiks and tugged him around to fully talk to him

oikawa watched your interaction and he knew iwa would immediately start questioning him too

‘oi, what the hell did you do’

there was an underlying tone in his best friend’s voice that he didnt particularly like

oikawa did what he does best and plastered a smile on his face

‘hm? what do you mean, iwa-chan?’

‘what the hell do you mean what do i mean? you speak japanese dont you? so tell me what the hell happened during your date because it seems like shit happened and now youre both acting weird’

oikawa flinched at the blunt words but it was the truth

he was acting weird and this caused you to probably act weird too

god hes so dumb

but he,,, was going through stuff right now

it was a situation that he didnt want to involve you in 

and,,, seeing you dancing with natsu with the biggest smile on your face through the window of your house

okay guys dont think this is weird or stalker-ish bc i actually saw this in a kdrama ages ago and i thought it was just so sweet and cute and dont take it the weird and stalker creepy way :(

it certainly brought him pain

this was what he wanted though, right?

he wanted to see a reaction from you with his antics and he wanted to see you flustered and giggling like one of his lovestruck girls

but dear god that was when he became aware of your growing feelings

oikawa even saw it before you did with the way you gave him those longing stares and small smiles and the small squeezes of his hand when he would laugh

initially, he wouldve teased you for it but then he kept quiet

this entire time he knew you, he felt,,, love,,, for you

and by god, he was so scared

he wanted to run away

because he was well aware of his personality and him as a person 

he could make you smile the biggest and the happiest but he was also the type to make you feel the most pain and cause the deepest wounds on your already fragile heart

he didnt want that responsibility and burden

it was too risky

oikawa knew he was a ticking time bomb and he was afraid if you got even just a centimeter closer

you would be the one hit with the blast the most

maybe it was that sight that made him want to distance himself

it was a sight that made him realize that you deserved someone much better and that someone couldn’t be him

the happiness that danced in your eyes and the smile that decorate your beautiful face

can you imagine the irony?

the moment you notice of your growing feelings, the moment he decides to withdraw and pull away

.......

practice was,,, suffocating? 

the team knew of the tension these past few days and you both def were not the same

oikawa has not said he loved you or even pestered you once and as much as the guys hated seeing it, they were getting worried

did you both fight?

what happened?

when oikawa was talking with the coach and you were grabbing something from the storage room, they immediately took this chance to pounce on iwaizumi since he was the closest to the both of you

‘oi, iwaizumi, the hell happened?’

makki asked and the others nodded, wondering the same thing

but they were surprised when he shrugged

‘dont know. stupidkawa refuses to talk and i dont want to bother y/n bc she seems,,, weird about it’

if iwaizumi didnt know, then something serious did happen

you and oikawa continued this weird eggshell walking and you even gave up after trying to ask so many times on what was wrong and only to be answered with,

‘nothing~! y/n-chan should never have to worry her pretty little head about old me~!’

that answer didnt bother you

it was his smile

the genuine smile that you were so happy to receive as it was only for you

now seems gone and replaced with his fake one as if you now became one of his fangirls

what took the cake was his appearance to practice with a girl in his arm

they were both laughing and seemed trapped in their own little bubble to even notice the team’s wide eyes and concerned looks to you

you didnt even notice your teary eyes until mattsun quite literally picked you up and shouted he wanted to help you fill up the water bottles

he placed you outside, sitting on a bench by the gym

you were biting your lip and staring at the ground while he was leaning back and looking at the sky

‘the sky is very pretty today’

he complimented but it wasnt heard by you

you only came back to reality when he nudged you gently and you shot him a crooked smile but he sighed at the look of hurt written all over your face

‘oh, y/n, i am getting increasingly worried for our generation. theres so many sad eyes on happy faces’

he tutted and returned to gazing back up to the clouds

you scrunched your nose and scoffed

‘i dont understand you, mattsun-san’

you mumbled and fiddled with your fingers

mattsukawa issei shook his head and pointed above

‘y/n-chan, our eyes enables us to identify beauty and we have the urge to immediately capture it to remember that we did find something beautiful. yet, we feel hopeless as we cant to put the beauty on paper because we are only given one crayon to draw the sunset’

it felt all muddled

there was no sense in his words and you were sniffed, trying to understand

‘mattsun-san, did you eat any more of those candy makki-san bought from that one guy?’

he bursted into laughter and you couldnt help but quirk your lip at the sound of his joy

‘who knows? taka is my boy and i trust him so if he gave it to me, then,,,, it cant be that bad, right?’

you blanched

‘mattsun-san! im not about to go pick you up from the er again just because makki-san dared you to do something!’

mattsun finally wandered his eyes over to you and he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear

‘thats the thing with you, y/n-chan. youre quick to love others but you lose pieces of yourself in the process. i have no right to tell you who deserves it but please ask yourself, is that sacrifice worth it?’

you knew he wasnt talking about your love for the team

but for the love for a certain setter that didnt go unnoticed by the middle blocker

leave it to mattsun to make you laugh and you were letting out your last giggles as you stepped into the gym

oikawa stopped talking and focused on the two of you, 

more specifically,

you

he watched as you laughed and swatted mattsun’s elbow as he jokingly made fun of your height by resting his arm on top of your head

yes this was what it was supposed to be

you deserved someone who could make you smile and only smile

he doesnt even hesitate but even imagine the tears that would fill those beautiful eyes and he knows it would all be his fault

no

he will stop that from happening way before it would occur

he will do anything to make sure you will never cry because of him so he will distance himself and now, he gives up

it could just be his stress and insecurities talking but he knows right now,

he wants you away from him

oikawa tooru, the boy who could get anyone he wants, couldn’t get the girl he wishes for the most

dear god was it laughable

after practice was finished,

you quietly and quickly packed up the nets and picked up the balls to get yourself out of there

these past few days made you feel so much confusion that it hurts

if there was anything worse than him not talking to you,

it was not knowing why 

that curiosity and desperate need for answers creates wild and self-destructive theories 

did you chew too loudly when you ate?

were you boring and not as fun as the others?

was he angry and humiliated of his pride as a man when you scolded him for paying for you?

has he gotten tired of you now that he knows who you really are?

that last question suddenly created a new set of tears to appear

throughout the day, you were so composed and distracted yourself with the lectures of your teachers and not anything of why this certain brunette was avoiding you

but a single insecure question made that wall crumble and you hurriedly shoved the trolley of balls into the storage room and grabbed your bag before rushing out of there

you sniffled and hurriedly walked home so you could go and cry on your bed in peace

but ofc 

hiroshi natsu exists so ofc he distracted you when you entered the house with a red puffy face

quietly, he led you to the couch and he wordlessly grabbed a tissue box from the coffee table to dab away the tears

you sniffled and clenched your fists to will yourself to stop these dumb salty water drops

‘i cant tell you its going to be okay because i dont want you to cling on to false hope. but i know it hurts. its worse that of all people, oikawa tooru had to be your first ever crush’

he chuckled

you took a shaky breath and wiped your face

‘this was why i shouldnt have liked him. god! all we did was eat dinner and look at the stupid fcking sky! thats it! so why-! why do i suddenly like him?! AM I THAT DESPERATE?!’

you wailed and blew your nose while natsu patted your back

‘i mean,,, to others it sounds like youre easy to sway’

you looked up from the tissue to glare at him but he continued

‘but to me,,,, it sounds like it was just the last push you needed to finally see oikawa tooru in that way’

you nodded, laughing weakly

‘i dont know why im acting like a lunatic like this. hes just a crush anyway so it’ll probably fade in a day or two so bear with me until then, kay?’

but his grim shake of his head gave you no hope

‘rather than fade, it will grow. and i might have to bear with this for the rest of our lives. now you be a bad bitch and sit there and look fine as hell while i go order 10 boxes of pizza and load up teen moms’

the impromptu movie night distracted you a little bit from it all but you still couldn’t help but think about it

GOD WHY WAS NATSU SO DRAMATIC?!

BECAUSE OF THAT IDIOT YOU ARE NOW SITTING IN CLASS, BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES, AND BREAKING YOUR PENCILS IN HALF

all you have to do is make sure you think of oikawa doing something disgusting to make that attraction fade away

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his toes

oikawa licking his-

‘y/n?’

you snapped out of your daydream when kunimi reached out to you

kindaichi, who came over for lunch, and him were staring at you in concern and they shared a look

‘y/n, something must’ve happened that day with captain’

kunimi started but kindaichi snapped

‘see?! this is why we shouldve never let you go! the first time you go with him and now youre a mess! tell us! did he force himself on you?! did he-?!’

you stopped the onion top boy with a forced smile and a squeeze on the arm

‘o-oikawa-san would never do that, kindaichi. hes better than that’

‘but clearly not because look at you!’

he shouted and you flinched 

kunimi hurriedly knocked him to the floor

‘get ahold of yourself, kindaichi’

he mumbled and you stood up and walked to the bathroom at the west wing that nobody uses so you could freely cry without any suspicion

was it obvious?

was it clear that you have been a mess after a week of being ignored by oikawa?

nah, youre just being a dramatic little shit

youre sticking to your word of quickly forgetting about the whole ordeal

but you definitely cant if your nightmare was happening before your eyes

as you approached the bathroom from the end of the hallway, 

you saw an unknown girl but an all too familiar boy giggling and rushing to get inside the bathroom

and for good measure, oikawa looked around to make sure no one was there but then he saw you

despite the distance between you, he could see your glistening eyes from the sunlight that seeped in from the big windows

he saw the way your hand trembled and your eyes twitched when haruna poked her head out to see why he was still outside

‘oikawa-senpai~~’

she drawled out and reached a manicured nail to his wrist 

your eyes followed her touch and then you and the boy shared eye contact

through the watery eyes, he could clearly make out your silent plead

please dont go to her

please

stay with me

dont go

but he went in anyways

------

that was the moment you forced yourself to not think about him anymore

as if you werent even working your hardest lately, you will work your hardest now

everything between you and him was now strictly professional as practice that day signified the very first day of your moving on stage

you couldnt believe these past 2 weeks has been a real nightmare yet you were slowly waking up from it

there was nothing you could do about it bc oikawa obviously didnt mean anything he said to you and maybe thats what ticked you off the most

you were easily led on

he blindly tugged you along the moment you saw his smile

he definitely thought of you as just as a game and when he finally got tired and bored, he dropped you and went to another

kunimi and kindaichi noticed the coldness of your eyes and the stoic expression on your face and they were genuinely terrified of you so they didnt want to ask any questions

even with packing up, you aggeressively shoved everything in your bag and the blep boy finally gained the courage and nervously tapped his finger on your desk to gain your attention

you swiftly dropped in your pencil case and looked at him

‘what’

he flinched at the cold tone and his eyes showed concern

‘uh-i-are you okay?’

he slowly asked and you visibly clenched your jaw but you nodded anyways

‘never better’

you didnt bother waiting for him to finish packing up and even passed kindaichi by the door as you were walking towards the girl’s locker room to change into your manager outfit

your entrance to the gym made the noise die down and you noticed the third years with glares on and aggressively practicing

‘whats wrong with all of you’

you asked and iwa scoffed before shaking his head and opening his arm

‘cmere. i missed you’

he said and ngl you were a little confused bc this wasnt something iwa usually did but you still stuck to his side

‘why-’

‘he told me what happened’

iwa whispered and you stiffened in his arms

‘w-what?’

iwaizumi flung the boy to his own bedroom wall

he huffed, panting at both the weight of oikawa tooru and the intense anger that burned through his veins

‘you-you are a piece of shit!’

he shouted and he moved to grab oikawa’s collar and lifted him so the brunette could see the fire and disgust present in his olive eyes

‘you think i didnt see what the hell you did? fcking leaving y/n sobbing as you-you-! AGH!’

iwaizumi couldnt even finish his sentence as he was so angry that he harshly sent oikawa flying back down to his floor

oikawa was crying

not from the beating

but from his regrets

god he knew he messed up

he shouldnt have done it

but he did

iwa ran his hands through his hair and angrily sat on his best friend’s bed, eyes shooting daggers at oikawa

‘right now. tell me the truth right fcking now or so help me god’

he hissed 

oikawa tooru shuffled closer to the wall and brought his knees up to his chest

‘im so scared’

he sobbed

‘im so scared, iwa-chan’

his tears were pouring down and he brought a hand to muffle his cries

‘i-i just w-wanted to-to see something out of her. li-like a reaction! because she wasnt like th-the others! but instead i fell in love! me! and she did too!’

he pointed and quickly stood up, pacing and gripping his hair

‘it was all just for fun! she-she knows im like that! yet she still fell in love with me!’

‘how could you tell she-’

‘BECAUSE OF HER EYES!’

even iwa flinched

‘HER EYES SHOWED ME LOVE! HAPPINESS! AN-AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID?! WHEN SHE GOT HOME?! THROUGH HER WINDOW, I SAW HER DANCING! SO HAPPY SHE WAS DRAGGING THAT BASTARD COUSIN OF HERS AROUND! I DID THAT! I CAUSED THAT!’

there was so much confusion in this poor spiky haired boy bc he knew oikawa was in love with their manager so why is he avoiding her now even though she reciprocates those feelings?

‘im missing something here, oikawa. youre telling me, she loves you, but youre here regretting that?’

his tone of disbelief made oikawa shut his eyes in frustration

‘DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?! YOU CALL ME A PIECE OF SHIT EVERYDAY AND I KNOW THAT! I FCKING KNOW THAT IM A PIECE OF SHIT AND A FCKING BASTARD!’

he shrieked

thankfully, his family wasnt home currently to see him breakdown

‘SO WHY THE HELL DO I DESERVE A LITERAL ANGEL?! A GODDESS?! A BEAUTIFUL PERSON FOR ME?! A FCKED UP NARCISSIST EGOTISTICAL IDIOT?! AN IDIOT WHO’S TOO PRIDEFUL TO GET THE HELP HE NEEDS?! I COULD HURT HER! I COULD DESTROY HER IN A SINGLE SNAP! THE SCARIEST FACT IS I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THINKING! I COULD SAY THE WORST THINGS TO HER AND IM SO SCARED THAT I WILL HURT HER! I DONT DESERVE HER, IWA! SHE DESERVES SOME-SOMEONE LIKE YOU! AND IT HURTS TO THINK THAT BUT I DONT CARE! A-AND WHAT IF WE GET TOGETHER?! HM?! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT WOULD TAKE HER TILL SHE FINDS SOMEONE BETTER?! HOW MUCH CAN SHE TAKE OF GOING THROUGH EPISODES OF SOME DEPRESSED, INSECURE, PRIDEFUL ASHOLE LIKE ME?! HOW LONG DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD REALIZE HER SELF-WORTH AND KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SHITTY PERSON I AM?! I CANT-!’

iwaizumi pushed himself up from the bed and rushed to grab his best friend before forcing the brown haired boy to his chest

oikawa tooru was having a panic attack

he heaved and wheezed and loudly let out his cries and iwa made them sit on the floor where he could comfortably cry

‘youre such an idiot, tooru. but she knows that, doesn’t she? she knows who you are, what you are, how you are, your flaws, everything- she knows all that. yet she still fell for you, doesnt that tell you something? for once in your life, consider other people’s feelings before yours. y/n is one hell of a girl and i wont allow you to let her slip past you just like that. i know- we all know- how much of a broken person you are, oikawa, and it hurts us all to know that no matter what we do, we can never fix you. but y/n-gosh, y/n is the only person to even have a chance to do that. and you admitted that youre depressed and you have a problem? well,, get some help for that, oikawa. the first step to be better is by accepting the only person who can accept you for you’

iwaizumi didnt reveal to the other third years of what happened but just said that oikawa did a really terrible thing to you and hes currently repenting for it

however mattsun and makki pretended they didnt hear oikawa regretting it and focused on the fact that the captain even had the NERVE to hurt you

iwa squeezed you tightly and you returned the hug

but he whispered something in your ear

‘everyone makes mistakes, y/n. the only thing we can do is to repent for them’

you pulled away, about to ask him what hes talking about but one look from his eyes made you realize what he was talking about

he mustve known what happened but hes defending him

you clenched your jaw and looked away

‘i destroyed myself for a stupid reason and its one of my regrets. im not going to make the same mistake twice’

you quietly hissed and moved to your station by the bench to begin taking your notes

you noticed that oikawa was late for practice today and although you kinda hate him, you are still a manager first and he was one of your responsibilities

you were about to go to the coach and tell him you’d look for the setter when the gym door slid and in came the devil himself

but there was a large bruise on his cheek and a cut on his lip

your feet moved quicker than the rest of you that you were in front of him in a second

‘what happened to you’

you worriedly asked and oikawa just stared at you

his eyes shook and watered at the sight of you

this was the first time you talked to him without any coldness in your tone and he missed it

he missed hearing you

his silence made you roll your eyes and you roughly grabbed his arm before throwing him on the bench you were sitting on

the team watched, on edge of whats happening, but was put back to practice when you gave them a side-eye

your fingers opened the ointment and your kit to treat the bleeding lip and the swollen side of his face

‘youre the captain. its not wise to fight before practice and be late. youre hindering everyone else’

you coldly scolded and oikawa shrank back

‘it was iwa-chan’

he mumbled and you stopped and quirked an eyebrow

‘what? why did he-’

then you froze

iwa knew

and he beat oikawa up for it

he fought his best friend for it

and iwa didnt look fazed at all

despite being a muscle freak, iwa was very soft and his iron defiency made him prone to bruising

yet why was he so clean

it was like iwa hit oikawa but in turn, the other didnt fight back

no

you must stop

youre overthinking again and youre over analyzing it and youll end up at the place you were before

however

oikawa noticed the dawn of realization on your face and he shakily reached out to touch your hand

‘i,,, didnt. because i deserved it. i-’

he sniffed and you knew he would start crying right now

the last thing he wanted would be to cry in front of the others so you immediately stood up and went to the coach

‘coach, oikawa-san needs treatment that i dont currently have with me. i would need to take him to the infirmary’

he nodded and waved you off so you had the clear

oikawa flinched when you harshly grabbed his arm and pulled him up so he could follow you out the door

it was such an awkward silence between you both but you bit your lip, focusing on the fact that you were just doing this bc he was your obligation

it was like you threw him to one of the cots then you rummaged through the medicine cabinet for an extra cotton ball and a better ointment

‘i fcked up, y/n’

your movements halted and your eyes drifted down, looking at the tiled floor

‘i messed up so bad’

he hoarsely said and you could tell how much pain he was going through by the way he let out a shaky breath

‘oika-’

you made a move to turn around but he stopped you

‘no! dont look at me! just-just dont,,, i cant-i wont be able to say it if i look at you’

he cried and you nodded

oikawa leaned his forehead on his intertwined hands with his eyes on the floor before starting

‘i want to say im sorry. because everything, all of this, it all started as a game to me’

you closed your eyes tightly, tears welling up in your eyes

‘you,,, you didnt bat a single eyelash at me. you didnt try to please me, you didnt chase after me, no, you didnt see me like that. it made me,,, i dont know,,, confused,,, that girls like you even existed. it,,, not gonna lie, ticked me off and i was offended that you brushed me away so easily like i was some,, some bug on your shoulder. so,,, i wanted to see,,, and try,,, if i could make you,,, like me. and i know! i know its messed up but god y/n i swear i didnt want to hurt you. i just,,, i wanted to see if i could ever make you look at me like the way they did but it backfired. i wanted you to chase me but in the end, i ended up chasing after you. i chased and i ran without knowing that you were slowing down for me so i could catch you. that,,, that date made me realize of how,,, how perfect and beautiful you are a-and how unworthy i am to even receive anything from you. i saw how happy you were after that, dancing, twirling that poor idiot around. at first,, it made me so so proud. and so happy that i made you do that. i put those stars from the sky into your eyes and somehow you made them shine much brighter. then,,,, i got scared. i started thinking about,,, about me. and how i am. ive been trying so hard to please other people that ive lost sight of the real me and how terrible i am. and y-you! i just- y/n its so hard for me to explain all this right now- my current mental state, the pain on my face- i cant,,, but at that moment i realized that you,,, you were better off without me. youre so kind, so beautiful, so smart, you could go do so many good things in life. and im just going to hold you back. i didnt want to hurt you so i,,, chose to just cut the string now and,, we wont get hurt later. but,,, i regret it. i regret it so much, y/n. all my life,,, everyone cooed and awed at this child just because of how he looked like and,,, he got used to it. everyone wanted me because i am oikawa tooru but they didnt want the entire oikawa tooru. iwa,,, iwa hit it into my head that,,, you,, were the only one who bothered to even see that side of me’

when he finished, he looked up but gasped at the sight of you standing in front of him

fat tears were rolling down your face and you wore the angriest expression

‘i-,,,i hate you so much, oikawa tooru’

you seethed

your eyebrows were scrunched up together and your nostrils flared as you cried harder and you let out a cry

‘i hate you, i hate you, i hate you’

you chanted and oikawa saw his vision cracking

his world was now falling apart

he did the last thing he would ever do and you were now at your most pained moment

‘youre so selfish, impulsive, and terrible’

you whined and punched his shoulder at each word

‘but i love you so much. i hate you because you made me cry and made me feel so hurt but i still love you. why-why cant you stop playing your games, tooru? stop playing with me now! stop it! stop-!’

you didnt get to say anything else because he grabbed your waist and held you in his arms

it was like you didnt even weigh a thing by the way he lifted you to sit on his lap and he gently led your face to his neck

‘im so sorry’

he repeated constantly while brushing your hair and rubbing your waist

you and oikawa tooru spent an hour sitting on that bed just crying 

after a while, you stopped and resulted to just hiccuping

‘youre selfish, tooru. you listened to yourself and did whatever you wanted rather than talking to me. i hate you but i,,, i love you, oikawa-san. i shouldnt say that but if i dont, im afraid you’ll go ahead and do something stupid again’

he chuckled but he squeezed you tighter

‘i dont,,, want to let you go, y/n-chan. let me be selfish a little longer and love you all to myself’

and by god did he become selfish

it took you a while to get over your defensive and guarded actions from him but you were slowly finding yourself forgiving him

YO IM SORRY BUT I WOULDVE DROPPED HIM LIKE PLEASE WHAT THE HECK Y/N REALLY REALLY LOVES THIS GUY

natsu absolutely despises him still and whenever oikawa even comes over, hes always glaring at him and oikawa would shift uncomfortably but accept it bc he deserved it

‘i didnt realize how badly i hurt you, y/n. i could never imagine you accepting me still. ill spend the rest of my life making it up to you’

he promised and you laughed

you were both lounging on your bedroom floor, mean girls playing in the background, while just staring at the ceiling

you brought your clasped hands up so you could look at it

then a goofy smile settled on your face and you turned to look at him

‘just continue loving me, oikawa-san. thats all i ask for’

then graduation came

of course the boys were all teary but oikawa seemed even more sad and he refused to look at you the whole day

you figured it could just be him being mopey over not seeing you everyday like he was able to before

then you both were walking home and he still hasnt looked at you

the silence was killing you but you just kept a tight grip on his hand and he would smile at you and kiss your hands

it still didnt wash away the odd feeling in your stomach but you would talk to him later after you gave him present

for the weekend, you were able to convince your parents to go on a beach trip at okinawa while you made natsu go over to tokyo and stay with katsuki

oikawa didnt know your family was out so he stood by your door, waiting for you to enter

you both stood there, staring at the floor, not knowing what to say

until you softly grabbed his hand

‘come in. i want,,, to talk’

you mumbled and oikawa’s eyes widened, silently panicking that you possibly found out

it was a secret not even iwaizumi knew so you couldnt have known

right?

you led him up to your room and pushed him down to sit on your bed

FLKDSJFLKDJ WHY AM I DOING THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS

ALSO Y/N IS NOW 17 ON THIS YOU GUYS LIKE BLS SHES ONE OF THE OLDEST IN HER CLASS BC HER BIRTHDAY SITUATION SO SHES BEYOND THE AGE OF CONSENT IN JAPAN, RIGHT?

oikawa was confused and he watched you bite your lip and look off to the side

‘y/n-chan? why are you nervous? you said you wanted to talk?’

he asked

but you unzipped your skirt and let it drop on the floor

‘for graduating,,, and working hard for these years,,, im giving you this’

you finally met his eyes

then he knew

oikawa blanched and he quickly stood up and placed his hands on your shoulder

‘y-y/n! uh-i-are you sure? a-arent you-’

‘accept it, tooru. youre,,, my first love,,, so,,,, ill give you my other first’

KSDLFJSDKFJSDLK OKAY YALL LETS STOP THERE FOR NOW AND GO TO THE TIMESKIP OKAY?

OKAY

-----

oikawa was running in the airport

despite the shouts of civilians he accidentally pushed, he made no sign of stopping and if anything, ran faster till he reached outside

the rush of his sudden trip home was clear as he was only carrying a duffel bag full of clothing he hurriedly stuffed inside 

when he met the orange ninja boy in brazil, he quickly caught up with his underclassman and got drinks to talk about japan the last 2 years of his career

they both got simple beers and some appetizer to share as they reminisced the past

hinata was excitedly talking about the reconciliation of kindaichi and kageyama and how they were still enemies on court but were now friends

‘eh~? tobio-chan making up with kin-chan? what’s next? flying sushi?’

he joked and hinata laughed

‘it was partly of your manager, oikawa-san! she helped them make up!’

the previous smile on oikawa’s face slipped at the mention of you 

‘hmm,,,, she always made the impossible happen’

he mumbled and hinata nodded

‘l/n-chan became close to kageyama through kindaichi and kunimi and she would bring us food and stuff too! but only on times she wasn’t busy’

the ninja said and dipped his chip into the salsa while oikawa stared at the liquid

‘you guys must be special for her to go all the way to karasuno’

then hinata said something that caused the brunette’s ears to fall deaf to the loudness of the bar

‘it wasn’t a problem since coach ukai took care of her son’

oikawa didnt even give hinata another word when he rushed out of that bar after overcoming his shock and straight into his apartment

there were tears that blurred his vision as he shoved in shirts and pants and other necessities for a trip to japan

he argued with the front desk lady to give him a ticket to the earliest flight to japan despite her saying that it was hard to give him a seat when the plane was full

but luck seemed to pity this baby daddy as someone pulled their ticket out and he was able to take it for himself

it was the longest journey of his life and his hour long layover gave him an opportunity to call the only person he thought would even know where you were

iwaizumi

oikawa paced at the waiting lobby with his phone pressed to his ear as he listened to the ringing of his call

he bit his lip in anticipation and ran his fingers through his hair for the upteenth time until finally it was picked up

‘damn you, shittykawa, do you understand what time-’

‘iwaizumi, is y/n still in japan?’

of course his best friend was startled with the question as the setter hasnt asked him any question related to you in a few years

‘wha-how the hell am i supposed to know that? im in california, oikawa’

‘dont lie to me. she still talks to you since youre probably the godfather of my son’

he hissed and iwaizumi was now fully awake and his heartbeat was beating quite quickly 

how did he figure out

‘oi, oikawa, listen to me she-’

‘please! dont!’

he shouted and didnt care if he startled anyone else around him

‘dont lie to me! of all people! you dont lie to me!’

‘why should i tell you when you were the one who up and ran? huh?’

oikawa fell silent and iwaizumi could hear his sobs through the phone

iwa sat up on his bed, leaning against the wall as he contemplated revealing this secret you begged him to keep since his best friend sounded like he was on the verge of breaking apart

poor oikawa tooru already suffered so much

‘i swear youre going to make me regret this. but y/n is in,,,, tokyo and,,,,, she,,,,,, didnt want you to know about,,,, about everything. well-she did want to tell you but she had her own reasons not to and,,, and its perfectly valid for her to choose whatever she wanted. and yes, i knew and yes, i am his godfather but please, oikawa, whatever you do, dont go to japan, you understand? shes still hurt by it, idiot, and shes angry and you sound angry and-’

but of course,

oikawa didnt listen and he hung up but continued his pacing but this time, tears blurring his vision

the taxi driver noticed his frazzled expression and quickly stopped in front of him

oikawa gratefully hopped in and quickly told the driver the address he forced out of iwaizumi (with great reluctance)

‘this is the last time, understand me, tooru? youve already hurt her so many times and i cant bear to see it all over again so you need to fix it. but you mess this up again, not only will you lose her, you’ll lose me too’

the old man felt sorry for the young lad and stepped on the pedal to get him to his destination in the quickest time 

the apartment building was several stories tall yet the elevator ride felt like a snap when he finally arrived at the floor your apartment was supposedly on

what the real kicker was when he stood outside your door and he hesitated

would you let him in?

would you even want to see him?

would you punch him?

would you cry?

he was so worried but didnt realize that he already pushed the doorbell and a faint shout from inside made his heart jump

‘UNCLE KYOOoooo,,,,,’

the door opened and the boy’s voice went quiet, knowing this wasnt the man he was expecting and he quickly and harshly slammed the door shut to his face

oikawa was stunned

was this the right apartment?

did iwaizumi trick him?

but those thoughts were wiped away when the door opened again and a girl was softly chiding the boy before turning around with a smile to greet the person but then it fell

similar to her son, she slammed the door shut and oikawa panicked

‘y-y/n? h-hey!’

he exclaimed and with a clenched fist, he stood there

you were hyperventilating inside

how did he find you?

why is he here?

does he know?

‘mama? who’s that oji?’

the bright eyes of yozora looked up at you and you blinked, briefly seeing the man behind the door at the face of your son

you sucked in a deep breath before smiling lightly

‘yoyo-kun, can you go play with dino-kun while mama and oji talk?’

yozora blinked back up at you before shrugging and nodding and running off to your shared room

once he was gone, you quickly composed yourself and opened the door again, shocked to see oikawa already half-way down the hallway to the elevator

‘would you like some tea before you go?’

you called out and he stopped, almost giving himself whiplash at how fast he turned his head

it was like his instincts took over when your voice started speaking to him

as if he was 18 again, oikawa found himself trailing after your voice and you nervously led him inside

his eyes were moving really fast as if he wanted to quickly soak it all in before it would disappear

this was where you lived

with your son

who was his son too

there was a picture by the door of you and the little boy from earlier

it was at the planetarium nearby and tooru’s heart bloomed at the sparkle in that child’s eyes

jesus, he was beautiful

‘yozora. thats his name’

you said, noticing him staring at the picture

KDFLJSDKFSD PRINCE NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM BABIESSS!!!

‘night sky’

oikawa whispered

the teapot was still hot and you were able to pour him a cup so you both sat on the dining table where he sat across from you

‘n-nice place’

he stuttered out

you nodded, tracing the rim of your own cup

‘its natsu’s and katsuki’s actually. my parents kicked me out so they offered to let me stay with them’

you reasoned, not meaning to sound cold but it came out as if you were being passive agressive

‘o-oh? ho-how is he-’

‘oikawa-san, what are you doing here?’

he visibly flinched

calling him by his last name stung since you called him ‘tooru’ the whole relationship so returning to his surname is your way of cutting off the whole thing

‘i,,, i found out. a few days ago. from shoyo. he told me their coach looked after yozora and,,, i knew he is,,, mine’

you let out a humorless chuckle

a scoff

then you looked up to meet his gaze, oikawa gulping at the hardness in your eyes

‘what makes you think so? what makes you think that i wasnt angry and spiteful enough to give myself to someone else so they could have what the great oikawa tooru had? what makes you think that i would remain loyal to you despite you just running off to the other side of the fcking world without a word? hm? oikawa-san? what.makes.you.think.so?’

out of guilt, he broke the stare to his own steaming cup of green tea

‘nothing’

you whispered

he shakingly sighed and you could tell he was about to cry

but you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms

‘go ahead and cry, oikawa-san. im used to temper tantrums. i have a son for god’s sake’

‘you would never do that to me, y/n. you promised that you would always love me and only me and i know you take promises to your grave’

he reasoned but it sounded like it was him convincing himself

the dry laugh you let out made him fidget

‘and you promised that you would always talk to me and communicate. yours is a much lighter and easier promise than mine yet you get to break it and i can’t? no, oikawa-san. to me, its like that year never even happened’

you were now just trying to rile him up due to your anger towards him

you shouldve let him walk to the elevator and leave and never come back

but you still invited him in anyways

oikawa snapped his head up

‘you cant say that or mean it, y/n. that boy over there, hes a reminder of me. he looks exactly like me so you cant ever forget what we have’

‘what he had. it was simply the past, years ago, and everything has changed since then. dont you dare try to dig up buried secrets, oikawa’

‘but why did you keep him from me?’

he pleaded, desperate for any answer as to why

‘i had every right. the moment you boarded that plane, he no longer was yours. you left, i stayed, and you cant just come back here and-’

‘mama?’

a small voice from the corner halted your loud voice and you and tooru looked at him

oikawa yozora was exactly like his father

from his loud and obnoxious personality to even the brown hair and brown eyes

KFDSLJFKDS REMEMBER THAT KID FROM OLD UKAI’S VOLLEYBALL CLUB?! THATS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!!

he looked absolutely nothing like you and people even get confused when you say hes your son

um maam i think hes my son since he came out of me

so oikawa was right

yozora was your daily reminder of the mistakes of your youth but he was anything but that as he is the greatest thing to ever happen to you

yozora became your light when you fell into depression after oikawa ran away

sure, your parents absolutely loathed poor child as he is a child of a child

but you kept him because he means the world to you

and the world he holds are in his eyes

‘i,, i heard yelling,,, and,,, thought mama and oji were sad,,, so,,, i bring my,,, star book because,,, it makes me happy,,, and i think,,, mama and oji will,,, be happy too’

he mumbled out and you smiled at him before moving to go to him but oikawa stopped you

his eyes begged you and you glared at him, deciding to withdraw

if he decides to do anything, you could always knee him between the legs

he slowly approached yozo and kneeled down to reach eye-level

‘hello, my name is oikawa tooru’

he softly introduced himself and yozora just stared at him

‘you oikawa too? but i oikawa! mama is he me?!’

yozora shouted and you giggled, running to take him into your arms

‘oh, darling, how curious you are. oji isnt you, baby. he just,,, has the same last name as you. like mama has hers but you have,,, oji’s’

your eyes drifted to oikawa but he remained on the floor, staring at the spot where yozo stood on

you kept his last name

you listened to him from that night at the hill by naming his son after the night sky

my god, you are so,,, 

‘--the book. oji? do you?’

he was brought back to reality when your son was now back on the floor and poking his shoulder

tooru blinked and looked at him

‘huh?’

‘i ask if you want to read my book with me, oji. mama say she happy but you still sad so my book make you happy’

not even an hour of meeting him, oikawa tooru already loves him

the volleyball player nodded and yozora offered a tiny hand to which he accepted

‘this way. mama say to read so she make food. i like food, do you like food, oji? i like food. i like milk bread. mama say papa like it so i like what papa like. i want papa to come home. sit there’

tooru’s heart beat faster every word his child uttered and it even went faster when he saw yozo struggle to get up on the couch

the pair of big hands that brought him on the cushion made him happily sigh then uttered a small ‘thank you’

‘my mama say that my papa give me my book and say to take care of it until he come back. and she say he come back when im a master of space! so i study and read my book every day and know all so papa can hurry home!’

tooru didnt even notice tears falling down his face until yozo blinked up at him with his small hands grasping his cheeks to wipe it off

‘why you cry, oji? no sad! no sad! here! i read my book so you not cry’

he babbled and quickly pried the book open and read out the words on the page, not realizing he was saying most of it wrong

that book was oikawa’s

the book that he read all the time in the bus and now, it was passed on to his son

you leaned against the wall and gasped at the sight of yozo just babbling and oikawa crying

‘yoyo-kun? what did you do to tooru?’

you fussed and sat down next to oikawa

yozo worriedly looked at him and now his own eyes were watering and soon enough, you have 2 boys crying in your living room

GURL IM SORRY BUT I WOULDA KICKED OUT OIKAWA LIKE NOT EVEN OFFER HIM TEA OR ANYTHING IM SORRY IM TIRED AND IDK WHATS GOING ON

‘a-ah, y-yozo! yozo-kun! oji is,,, just,,, uh,, sad because,, because pluto isnt a planet anymore!’

yozo sniffled and he went closer to oikawa

‘me too, oji. yoyo sad too because pluto is just small. other planet are onii-chan and onee-chan but pluto is baby so they not like him’

he rambled and oikawa pulled him closer

‘mama, can we keep oji? nana-san and katsu-san will like him! promise!’

you couldnt even believe what was going on right now

not only did your baby daddy ex-boyfriend suddenly pop up, your son was now wanting to keep him

you made a move to of course deny his request but oikawa opened his mouth first

‘yozora-kun, of course you could keep me. im your papa, after all’

OKAY THAT WAS IT

YOU DID NOT WANT HIM TO SAY THAT TO YOZORA

out of shock, you slapped him across the face

causing yanno what happened

oikawa screamed

a/n: yoooooo SO LIKE THIS IS RIDICULOUS LIKE THIS IS BOOTY IM SORRY BUT THIS IS ALSO IN MY GOING TO EDIT LIST AND I CHOSE THIS OUT OF MY 10 OTHER VERSIONS OF THIS ROUTE AND I MAY OR MAY NOT RELEASE ANOTHER ONE JUST TO MAKE UP FOR IT. but try not to let this flop 🥺 👉👈

ALSO CHI THAT K+Y AND THE T+Y IS ON THE WORKS RN AND IM LIKE HALF WAY DONE SO I MIGHT RELEASE THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

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