#the way your brain functions and the many many different ways that can affect your behavior and development

[moghedien]

i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking

#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful #if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu' #I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL #ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS #PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER #i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair #its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted' #and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you #and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu #NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE #figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life #and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES #but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me) #knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me #and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily #like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them #and telling them they don't is beyond cruel

[kunaigirl]

Happy Disability Pride and awareness month! Let's talk about Epilepsy!

Hi there! I got tired of seeing my condition (that impacts my literal every day life) being left out or forgotten about during discussions about disabilities, so I made my own post about it! Let's go!

First Off! What the heck is epilepsy? Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder in the world, and it's a chronic medical condition. Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes recurring, frequent, triggered, and unprovoked seizures to occur.

The official Epilepsy Foundation describes seizures as follows: "Seizures are sudden surges of abnormal and excessive electrical activity in your brain, and can affect how you appear or act. Where and how the seizure presents itself can have profound effects...Seizures involve sudden, temporary, bursts of electrical activity in the brain that change or disrupt the way messages are sent between brain cells. These electrical bursts can cause involuntary changes in body movement or function, sensation, behavior or awareness." (Source link)

Sounds like a lot of fun right? This is our life. Even with medication, we can be VERY limited to what can be safe for us. Seizure medications are NOT a cure, they only exist (at least as of now) as a tool to help have your seizures less often, or be triggered less intensely. Even on medication, seizures can still happen.

If you have epilepsy as a child like I did, it impacts your entire growing and developing experience. I spent MANY times as a child in and out of hospitals, neurologist and specialist offices, an getting so many EEG tests done. The pain of scrubbing the glue out of your hair for DAYS is horrible.

At a young age my seizures were so frequent and serious, it impacted my brain's ability to retain information. I had to re-learn the names of things at age 8 and 9. I had to re-learn HOW TO READ at age 10. I had to be home schooled because the public school system of my state at the time refused to work with me. I have VERY distinct and vivid memories of crying over my little baby ABC's book that I needed as a 4th and 5th grader. I knew I should've known this by this age. I knew that at one point I already did, and it was TAKEN FROM ME.

As an adult, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE A CAR. And I can NEVER go to see a movie in theaters or go to see concerts or live music. There are entire TV shows I don't get to see. I can't go to clubs, arcades, dances, or raves. I miss out on A LOT of fun things. I always do, and I'm WELL AWARE of the fun I'm missing out on. The social, casual, and fun life experiences I'll never get to have. That WE'LL never get to have. And oh yeah! Seizures can KILL SOME OF US. Yep.

And the list goes on, and every person with epilepsy experiences it differently. There are multiple different types of seizures you can have, they're NOT always convulsing on the floor. For example, I have complex-partial-myoclonic-seizures. Meaning my muscles DO twitch when I have seizures, but I'm not always completely unconscious and sometimes I'm even able to stay sitting up. However, I'm still very "off" and can't focus or remember much for a good while after the fact. I can't talk or communicate during one, even with my slight bit of consciousness.

My experiences are not universal, I just wanted to talk about it and bring it up. It helps to talk about it even a little bit. Here's more about different kinds of seizures. Here's more about common seizure triggers. Here's more about CORRECT seizure first aid. And here's more general information/resources.

Please stop leaving us out of disability awareness. Please stop ignoring us or saying we're "not really disabled" or anything else like that. Please. Why does it always feel like the only people who care about epilepsy, are people WITH epilepsy? We're so tired of being ignored by others who don't have our condition.

If you're an epileptic person reading this, I see you. I love you. You're so strong, we all are. I believe in you, I believe in us. We're so much stronger than we get credit for, and it's going to be ok. Your anger and frustration are valid. Your emotions and struggles are real. You're valid, and I see you. Hang in there, we got this.

#epilepsy #epilepsy awareness #actually epileptic #disability pride month #disability awareness month #disability awareness #ok to reblog #disability pride

[wizardnuke]

there are SO many different ways that migraines can show up and affect people i feel like i tell people this once a month at least. a mild headache that lasts for days is probably a migraine. a lack of headache but visual disturbances and suddenly horrible coordination is a migraine. random vomiting can be a migraine. if youre always thinking "damn i felt REALLY good yesterday why do i have a migraine today" that could have been a warning sign especially if you think that a lot on migraine days. a mild headache, like milder than actual non-migraine headaches, and terrible processing issues/brain fog is a migraine. it's not always about the headache itself, the headache is just one symptom of an overarching neurological disorder that fucks up your ability to function in a lot of different ways other than causing pain/nausea/etc

#there have been times where i had no headache at all but malaise and coordination issues so bad i've dropped things and taken a solid ten #seconds to process that i did that. genuine processing so slow i'm like 'okay something happened. what happened' and there's glass all over #the floor

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

my issue with right now AAC advocacy, nonspeaking (autistic) advocacy (from individual advocate, to organization like communication first and assistive ware) (mainly outside tumblr), can all be summarize by their one phrase:

“presume competence.”

“wait, what wrong with that? isn’t it good? don’t they follow that?”

half yes. idea is good, hope everyone follow it, must: all disabled people should be give tool & help to learn, all diagnoses, all amount of struggle.

yes, “even” that person diagnose with severe autism & profound ID, who never speak or look like show sign of understand any language, who scream and make noise and run away all time, who give self & other many injury and broke bone and concussion.

but. me problem not with idea. have problem with, use two big complicate word as basic key important idea for movement: a movement for those who hard speech & communication.

this group, naturally mean have many people (more than “average” amount), who hard communicate, hard communicate big words, hard remember big words, hard understand big words.

“then just change name or explain idea, why say it summarize problem with entire movement?”

on tumblr, AAC user community, semi- & nonverbal/nonspeaking community, see lot people who not just struggle with mouth say word, but also with communicate hard. although less, and most borderline or mild, but do have a few people with ID who talk about ID. people with many layer disability, more affected. in fact, in some corner, we loud & seen here in community.

but. outside tumblr—like twitter, where majority AAC & nonspeaking advocacy get most hear, often influence even new AAC apps and AAC company and non profit and (US) law and (US) government groups. but also different organizations, and real life. so basically, people with bigger real life influence. this opposite.

it many life-long nonspeaking autistics with severe motor apraxia, who brain body disconnect cause mouth not able move make noise in way brain want. often diagnose with severe ID back when not able communicate, but now able full communicate, now realize have high IQ, use long sentence, complicate grammar, big words, who can “write right.” many who not be teach communicate or read, but able learn how read write, by self.

—who not speak because motor struggle, but “mind intact” (their word not mine), no fundamental expressive receptive language understand issue (edit: outsude not mouth speak), no intellectual cognitive issue?

they nonspeaking. they AAC user, or speller. yes, they deserve be in community. must be heard. people must realize this form of nonspeaking possible and many people like this. AAC nonspeaking community without them is still leave out people.

but. right now problem is: both them and allies, treat this form nonspeaking as only way be nonspeaking. all nonspeaking people like this. and what this group want (like be call nonspeaking and nonverbal wrong), need apply to all people who not able speak, because they seen as entirety nonspeaking community.

“all nonspeaking (autistic) people like this”—many times imply by never ever mention other “not speak” experience, but sometime even direct say (paraphrase). where my “not speak” friends who have expressive receptive language issues, who trouble communicate even with AAC, who don’t understand other and self communicate at all, who “mind not intact” (whatever that means), who ID not misdiagnose but is actual severe profound ID, who can’t learn AAC can’t ever functional communicate ever?

what about people who “not speak” not just because “motor but everything else fine,” but “motor AND expressive receptive language AND/OR intellectual”? people who don’t have all your abilities?

we not remembered. we not exist. we not talk about.

and this “ignore,” can be see in all area of their advocacy and movement.

the policing “no severe no functioning labels no levels no nonverbal ever they all bad no excuse”: all my friends who call own self by any of that been direct attack harmed many many times by people who say this, so no, there no “personal identify okay” exception. this silence us. anytime we mention how we dare call self, all what we actual say ignored, actual message ignored, and become argue over terms call us ableist, and lock us out block us crowd attack us harrass us—us with communication issues who words hard first place, and who often have big emotional regulate struggle.

harass us lock us out enough. of course we silent, of course we no longer write in community. of course “community” no have us, no one see us. no one know we exist.

the big words. complicate sentences. complicate ideas. everything confuse. overwhelm even parents without intellectual & communication struggles who want learn to help child. not to mention us, who “not speak” include receptive language issues and intellectual disability.

write enough big words. write enough complicate stuff. write enough confuse hard follow stuff. of course we who can’t understand that get frustrate. and stop read. stop be in community.

have ability write professional enough, write approximate closest to nondisabled people enough. not have ID. all advantages that make people listen you more, take you more seriously. but this advantage, or fact this even is advantage that some not have, they not recognize.

whether mean to or not. became “am nonspeaking and proud, but at least have high IQ mind intact and can write ‘normal,’ so still have worth still deserve listen to because still have those redeeming abilities.” —what about those us who don’t?

“what that do with term ‘presume competence’?”

presume competence key idea, root of movement & advocacy.

presume competence, big words, not everyone who struggle speak can say/speak/write/communicate these two words. not all can remember. not all understand. some, will never ever able communicate or understand these two exact words ever in life, even with best support most help.

key slogan of movement, inaccessible to group of people you claim advocate for. same group people you also ignore pretend not exist erase in your advocacy.

this how deep this exclusion and inaccessibility issue run in nonspeaking advocacy.

down to its roots.

[this about nonspeaking movement (especially outside tumblr) and people who do this exclusion + inaccessibility. this not say term nonspeaking bad or all individual nonspeaking person bad.]

#sorry for long post know it inaccessible but literally do not have ability write short… #long post #nonspeaking #nonverbal #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #loaf screm #discourse

[sk-lumen]

How to declutter for a fresh New Year 🫧

The very first time I got into the spirit of minimalism and decluttering physically, mentally and emotionally, it was challenging as I still had a lot of resistance and attachment to things.

I started this during winter many years back, and it's becoming easier and easier. Not just as a great practice before the new year, but also as a habit throughout the year or whenever I feel like it.

When I started seeing how the mental load, the brain fog and distraction and worry... shifted into peace, relief, joy and mental clarity every time I let go of things, I understood why it's important to not be a hoarder. Physically or otherwise. (Of course this has nuance to it and it can be a privilege to be able to do it, but that's for a different topic.)

Here are ways you can start the new year fresh (or just clear the energy any time you need):

Online / social media

delete old files or photos you don't need from your devices or cloud

unfollow accounts on social media that don't inspire/uplift you

delete old messages

archive or delete conversations you no longer want to see

block or delete numbers that are affecting your mental health

Home

throw away things that are broken or falling apart (clothes, items, lingerie, etc)

donate or sell clothes you no longer use or want

sell items you don't use anymore but which are perfectly functional (hair straightener, lamp, etc)

throw away or repurpose gift bags, bags, cards

put away items you still need but are not using in this particular season - ie. put away into storage any winter clothing during summer, it's just cluttering your hangers

reorganize your home, your room, your bathroom, move furniture around or replace decor to give it a fresh exciting new feel and remove any stale energies

Physically

salt bath with essential oils to release any tension or toxins

lemon water, ginger and turmeric shots for cleansing

drink plenty of water or green tea or mint tea for improved digestion

Mentally

dedicate a journal to write down tasks, lists, to vent any negativity, or just thought-dump at the end of the day in order to feel lighter and clear-headed

have a calendar or agenda to note any important things, to lighten the mental load

say things that keep bothering you for days/weeks, do things you've been antsy to get done for days/weeks

Emotionally

journaling is an amazing way to offload emotionally

going to therapy

talking to a friend or family

cultivating healthy boundaries and communicating your needs

Spiritually

do a guided meditation to clear your head

spend time in nature, in the forest, by the sea, away from noise and crowds to clear your energy

you can also use crystals like crystal quartz to cleanse your aura

#new year #girblogging #becoming that girl #that girl #pink pilates princess #clean girl #growth mindset #new year resolutions #articles #writings #self improvement #mental health

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Magic and Genetics

So, this is not like 100% finished and will be more musings than a full theory. The main reason is that we, as humanity, just don't really know that much about genetics. Like, we get the gist of it, but we can mostly only say: "it's complicated" about it.

Which is true. Like, the idea of dominant and recessive traits the way most people are familiar with (like the eye color chart for blue eyes and brown eyes) is super oversimplified and inaccurate. Like, there are 2 major genes that affect eye color and then there are 8 more genes that affect eye color, hair color, and skin color, but we aren't really sure in what way. We just think they do from observation. Usually, genes behave in a way that is in line with the dominant and recessive traits charts, but there are exceptions to it. Again, we just don't know much about this field.

Because of this, I can't really come to conclusive conclusions regarding exactly how many and which genes affect a person's magic in the world of Harry Potter. What I can do is use the book evidence to try and create a pattern of how magic behaves genetically.

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, nor did I study genetics in any professional capacity, this is from online reading and self-study. And most importantly for fun 😊

Why do I think magic is influenced by multiple genes?

So, JKR stated in an interview she thinks of magic as a single dominant gene. This is impossible, since if that were true squibs and muggleborns wouldn't exist and the chart for the likelihood of a child being born with magic would look like this:

And that's just not what we see in the books...

This is all without mentioning how squibs like Arabella Figg can see dementors while muggles can't:

“A Squib, eh?” said Fudge, eyeing her suspiciously. “We’ll be checking that. You’ll leave details of your parentage with my assistant, Weasley. Incidentally, can Squibs see dementors?” he added, looking left and right along the bench where he sat. “Yes, we can!” said Mrs. Figg indignantly.

(OotP, page 143)

This means that squids do have some magical genes that muggles don't.

Additionally, from what we know about wizards as a species they have other differences from muggles that would effect their genetics in less obvious ways, for example:

Wizards heal faster, so cell regeneration is different than muggles.

Wizards have a completely different set of illnesses than muggles, so their white blood cells are also different.

Their brain cells likely live longer since they have an overall longer life expectancy.

Since they can see magic, like dementors and the Leakey Cauldron, we know the sight receptors are different.

Their nerves likely also function differently since they can sense magic in a way muggles can't.

To name a few.

And this is all without going into the fact wizards can reproduce with other species (goblins, veela, and giants to name a few) which actually implies a common ancestor to all of these races, but I'm not going into that can of worms.

What I am going into is how magic works genetically and how predictable it is. As in, if I know the magical status (pure-blood wizard, half-blood wizard, muggleborn wizard, squib, or muggle) of two human parents, can I tell how likely their child is to be a wizard, a squib, or a muggle?

What are squibs?

We don't know of many squibs in the books, these are the list of the known squibs:

Argus Filch

Arabella Figg

Marius Black

Dolores Umbridge's brother

Molly Weasley's second cousin

Squibs aren't a subject wizards like talking about, even not wizards who don't mind muggles like the Weasleys:

"Er — yes, I think so. I think Mum's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him."

(PS, page 73)

The definition of a squib is a child without magic born of a magical parent. If we look at the list of squibs above, all of them except Umbridge's brother are pure-bloods. This is kind of important because of the limited genetic pool of pure-bloods.

I tried calculating the inbreeding coefficient (basically how likely it is that a specific genetic trait is identical in both parents. The number ranges between 0 and 1) of the pure-bloods in the Wizarding World. We don't have much information on most families, but even looking at the Black family tree, they aren't really inbred (except the Gaunts). The closest relation there is the marriage between second cousins Walburga and Orion. So the inbreeding coefficient of pure-bloods would be above zero, but not high enough to cause serious health detriments for the most part. But, this doesn't mean wizards don't have a problem with a limited genetic pool even without close inbreeding.

Looking at that same Black family tree, we see a lot of familiar names: Flint, Crabbe, Burke, Potter, Crouch, Longbottom, Weasley, Prewett, Malfoy, McMillian... Basically, all pure-blood wizards are related. Some more closely than others, but they are all related. It means that among pure-bloods there is less genetic diversity which tends to cause illnesses and weakness in children over the course of multiple generations.

Such illness can, for example, come in the form of a squib. If the child just isn't capable of having full access to magic, due to their limited genetic pool, they will be born a squib.

But what about Umbridge's brother?

Well, here's the interesting thing. When looking at accounts of children of a pure-blood and a muggleborn, they are all always magical (and usually quite powerful, but more on that later). Umbridge's mother though is muggle. I believe a muggle parent would also have a higher chance of a squib offspring since they don't have magic. Essentially, Umbride's brother received some of the magical genes from their father, and some muggle genes from their mother, leaving him somewhat capable of interacting with magic, but not casting it — a squib.

Essentially squibs have a higher chance to be born from two pure-bloods (due to lack of genetic diversity) or from a wizard and a muggle. If we look at the books, we actually never see a squib being born from a pair of two wizards where one of the parents is half-blood or muggleborn (since they bring new genetic diversity and make the offsprings much likelier to be magical).

What are muggleborns?

So, we covered that squibs are rare and are caused by the lack of genetic diversity in the pure-blood families or by receiving non-magical genes from a muggle parent. But what about muggleborns? How could they genetically exist?

Well, I discussed here the actual percentages of different blood statuses across the Wizarding World. And the percentages looked like this:

57.5% Pure-Blood and Most Likely Pure Blood

22.5% Half-Blood

15% At Least One Magical Parent

5% Muggleborn

And as I covered here and here, I believe magical Britain is approximately 0.01% of the muggle population. This means that muggleborns are incredibly rare in the muggle population and have an overall very low chance of being born. But under what circumstances would muggleborns be more likely?

We know, for example, that the brothers Colin and Dennis Creevey were both born magical. It means, that their parents had genes that make them more likely to have magical children. This means Petunia had a higher chance of being born magical than, say, Vernon, it was still a low chance, but it was more likely.

Now, I'm not the first to raise this theory, but I believe these muggles that have a slightly higher chance for magical children like Mr. and Mrs. Creevey are descendants of squibs. We know that:

"Squibs were usually shipped off to Muggle schools and encouraged to integrate into the Muggle community. . . much kinder than trying to find them a place in the Wizarding world, where they must always be second class..."

(DH, page 136)

So, squibs have been sent for generations to live among muggles. It means that there are multiple "muggles" running around that are actually squibs. They might be able to see dementors or notice something odd around the Leakey Cauldron, but not enough to produce magic. But they still have magic in their genes. And when they have kids, sometimes, through a fluke of luck and genetics a muggleborn can be born.

This means all muggleborns are distantly related to wizards in some way, but still the muggle blood adds some much-needed genetic diversity that makes them less likely to have squib children.

What would magical genes look like?

So, we talked so far about how to predict the likelihood of a child having magic or not. But we also know not all wizards and witches are magically equal. You have crazy powerful individuals like Voldemort, Harry, and Dumbledore. Hermione is an incredibly skilled and talented witch, often the first in class to get spells right. And then you have wizards like Crabbe, Goyle, or Merope who are barely more magical than squibs. Then you have unique magical gifts like being a parselmouth, metamorphmagus, or seer are all inherited, and therefore genetic.

So, let's start with the power/talent difference between wizards that we see. I think this, like squibs, is correlating to the lack of genetic diversity. Sure, you have pure-bloods that are magically powerful or average, but if we look at the most magically powerful wizards in the books — Harry, Voldemort, and Dumbledore — they are all half-bloods. They all have a higher genetic diversity.

Hermione and Lily, are also examples of this added genetic diversity raising the likelihood of magical talent. Both muggleborns, both referenced as talented and bright multiple times. Snape, another half-blood is also referenced often as an incredibly talented wizard.

Actually, Nymphadora Tonks is one of the best pieces of evidence for magic weakening over pure-blood generations and becoming stronger with the new blood from muggles or muggleborns.

The Black family had the hereditary magical gift of being metamorphmagi. This gift has been lost for multiple generations, the first Black to be born with this gift in recent history is Tonks. And it makes perfect sense, Andromeda, a pure-blood with the genes for being a metamorphmagus, marries a muggleborn, Ted, who has the much-needed genetic diversity, so their daughter is finally durable enough for the metamorphmagi magic to kick in.

The Gaunts are another example of just how much the lack of genetic diversity affects a wizard's magic. All three, but especially Mereope, are portrayed as barely skilled with magic, almost squibs. But then we have Tom Marvolo Riddle, magically gifted so much beyond most wizards because he had the added genetic diversity from his muggle father.

Parseltongue seems to be a more dominant trait than the metamorphmagus ability. As even an almost squib in the Gaunt family can speak it. That being said, the Gaunts are implied to be incredibly incestuous, so perhaps it's just a matter of both parents speaking Parseltongue that causes this gene's apparent dominance.

We also know these genetic traits are only passed to wizards. So a squib from the Gaunt family, would not be able to speak Parseltongue. So, while it is a separate gene, it is connected to the other genes that affect magic. That's why a muggleborn born from a Gaunt family squib line, could potentially be a Parselmouth. They won't necessarily be a Parselmouth, but they have a chance to get the gene.

Conclusions

So, let's put all of it together into a series of rules* to how magic seems to work genetically.

*Rules is not exactly the correct word. It's more like, how it would usually behave, but there are flukes to genetics and everything is possible.

Two magical parents would almost always have a magical child. Pure-bloods are more likely to have squib children than half-bloods or muggleborns due to lack of genetic diversity.

A child of a muggle and a wizard has a higher chance of being born a squib than two magical parents. (The chance is still pretty low though and the child is more likely to be magical)

Muggleborns are the result of at least one parent who is a muggle that descended from squibs and has magical genes.

If both parents are squib-descendant muggles, all their kids might even end up magical. (Like the Creevey brothers)

Being a parselmouth, metamorphmagus, or seer are all unique genetic traits that are passed in a separate gene but dependent on other magical genes. Each one of them behaves differently as a gene.

Genetic diversity promises a higher chance of naturally magically gifted children. (It doesn't promise they will be more gifted, just makes their chances better)

Blood purity and a limited genetic pool cause magical children born to these lines to be overall weaker. (Again, there are exceptions, this is just about chances)

#harry potter #harry potter thoughts #harry potter theory #hp theory #hp #wizarding world #hp thoughts #hollowedtheory #wizarding world of harry potter #wizarding population #wizarding society

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D 

#mysterious lotus casebook #mlc meta #di feisheng #li lianhua #Li Xiangyi #complex PTSD #child abuse #sorry it's so long! This is the short version #The original version was 2700 words #dissociation #trauma #I am so here for non-monolithic representations of mental illnesses #PTSD #In case you can't tell I am very invested in depictions of PTSD and cPTSD #I'm always up for talking about fictional portrayals of trauma #so feel free to message if you have questions about any of this and don't want it to be in the notes for some reason

[elicathebunny]

NEUROPLACISITY IN DEPTH.

(The content isn't mine but all complied into one big post, links are connected to the sources)

How do I re-wire my subconscious?

You re-wire your subconscious mind using NEUROPLASTICITY.

Neuroplasticity, also known as brain plasticity or neural plasticity, refers to the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. It involves the strengthening or weakening of existing neural pathways and the development of new synapses.

This means you can re-wire your subconscious by building NEW PATHWAYS that become STRONGER than the old ones

I'd like you to start with understanding the importance of BDNF - Brain-derived neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) is a vital protein for neuroplasticity, acting as a linchpin in the adaptive processes of the brain. It supports facilitating synaptic plasticity through mechanisms like long-term potentiation (LTP) and fostering the formation of new synapses. You can increase your body's BDNF by:

Engage in regular exercise, particularly aerobic activities, to significantly increase BDNF levels and promote neuroplasticity.

Maintain a balanced diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids from sources like fatty fish and flaxseeds to support elevated BDNF production.

Prioritize adequate and quality sleep, as insufficient sleep has been linked to decreased BDNF levels.

Implement stress management techniques, such as mindfulness meditation and relaxation exercises, to positively influence BDNF secretion.

Breathwork and meditation are great options.

Understand the importance of regulating your nervous system - You must be able to regulate your nervous system to build neuroplasticity. This is because neuroplasticity may be hindered when the body is in a heightened state of stress or arousal (sympathetic dominance), characterized by increased heart rate and elevated cortisol levels. Breathwork and meditation are an incredible way to do this. Psych central

Take new routes: Every new experience has the potential to enhance your brain’s ability to change. Travelling, for example, can help. Our brains are forced to stop auto-piloting in an unfamiliar environment like a new city. Research from 2013 shows that novelty and challenges can enhance cognitive function. So, technically, you don’t have to leave your town to promote brain plasticity. Consider finding alternative routes to your daily commute. Try that new coffee shop or restaurant around the corner. Go around your desk in the opposite direction that you typically do.

Move: A 2018 literature reviewTrusted Source showed that physical exercise can promote neuroplasticity in general. Activity is beneficial for many different regions of the brain and affects various aspects of cognitive function, including memory and learning. This might be helpful for people facing major or mild cognitive decline, including Alzheimer’s disease. In sum, exercising may help you slow the cellular ageing process and enhance your overall brain health.

Practice meditation: Studies show that long-term meditation practiceTrusted Source can change the function of the brain. Specifically, mindfulness practice can enhance focus and attention and prevent cognitive declineTrusted Source.

Learn a new skill: The relationship between learning and neuroplasticity is twofold. Learning new things enhances brain plasticity, and because of the brain’s ability to adapt to change, you’re able to learn. In this sense, every time you learn something, you benefit from neuroplasticity and promote it. Research backs this up. A 2021 study, for example, suggests that learning a new skill, such as Braille language, can promote neuroplasticity and enhance its benefits. Other examples include learning to: - use your non-dominant hand - speak a new language - play a new instrument - paint or draw - code computers - do puzzles

#self improvement #self growth #neuroplasticity

[emotionallychargedtowel]

about that Minato's Laundromat season 2 storyline...

As your resident psychology PhD I'm commenting on this even though I would rather forget about the whole thing and just hope it's over soon. But I haven't been able to restrain myself from ranting about it privately, so I may as well rant here.

Setting aside what I think of this as a plot device (what I think is that it sucks), this is even more unrealistic than most TV and film portrayals of traumatic brain injuries, or TBIs, which as a whole are abysmal. (Please note that "traumatic" in this context refers to a sudden tissue injury due to an accident or violence, not to the person having a traumatic experience, though of course the two things can totally co-occur.)

If I can take a step back for a second, once you learn anything at all about traumatic brain injury so many plotlines in TV series and movies become incredibly frustrating. How many times have you seen a character bonk another on the head as a convenient way to render them unconscious only to find that soon afterward, the person who's been hit in the head wakes up practically unscathed after a convenient span of time has passed? I have no doubt that there are people who have taken these portrayals seriously and hit others hard enough to cause a TBI because they thought it wasn't a big deal. I'm equally sure that the prevalence of this trope has had an effect on TBI survivors's difficulties being taken seriously. It's pernicious and it makes me so angry. TBIs aren't the type of thing that you typically just walk away from in the same condition you were in before they happened, and they shouldn't be portrayed that way in media.

Back to the Minato's Laundromat plotline. Shin sustains a pretty serious fall-related TBI. He appears to have been unconscious for a good while since it looks like a bright afternoon (maybe early evening at the latest) when he falls and it's dark when Minato sees him and is told he regained consciousness not long before. It seems like he was unconscious for more than half an hour but it hasn't been 24 hours yet, which puts him in the range for his injury to be considered a moderate TBI. Don't let the label fool you--a moderate TBI is a very big deal. People with moderate TBIs can experience personality changes, cognitive deficits, and all sorts of other major issues.

Loss of memory is common with TBIs, but the most common type of amnesia with a TBI pertains to events just before or just after the injury occurred. Retrograde amnesia, where you can't remember what happened just before the injury, is rather common. Anterograde amnesia, where you don't remember events after the injury, can happen too. But forgetting details about your life? That is not a common symptom.

Guess what's even less common? You guessed it: the kind of highly specific amnesia Shin has in Minato's Laundromat. Forgetting one specific relationship or person isn't unheard-of in psychology, but it's almost always selective amnesia related to a traumatic experience. It's like an extreme defense mechanism in which the person unconsciously blocks out a whole swath of their experiences. The information that gets lost is linked not by its location in the brain, but by a semantic link--a link based on the meaning assigned to those memories. Loss of semantically-linked memories is associated with psychological causes, not physical ones. This kind of symptom is based on thoughts and emotions, not brain structures.

The effects of TBIs, on the other hand, are related to the location of an injury and the functions of whatever portions of the brain are impacted by that injury. Brain localization is the phenomenon whereby different parts of our brains are responsible for different functions. For example, our frontal lobes house a lot of our executive functioning abilities, so a TBI mostly affecting someone's frontal lobe could make them more impulsive, less able to plan effectively, and so forth. Or if a person sustained an injury to their Broca's Area (a spot near the front of the left hemisphere that is important for speech), they would likely have difficulties communicating. If Shin had an "all about Minato" section of his brain and it got hit when he fell, then sure, it would make some sense if he lost his Minato-related memories. But that's not how our brains work--except in that one genre of cartoon humor where we see inside someone's brain and each of the things they care about has its own little region. But Shin isn't a cartoon character. His memories of Minato aren't housed in one specific place separate from his memories of other important people in his life.

I dug around and found that there have been some cases of selective amnesia due to TBI. However, these are vanishingly rare, with only a handful of case studies and nowhere near the amount of data that would be needed to draw any generalizable conclusions (in other words, any facts we could apply to other cases). If Shin was a real person and he forgot about his relationship with one important person in his life due to a TBI, this would be so unusual that psychologists and psychiatrists would have come from miles around to observe him and he would likely have had his case written up in a neuropsych journal, after which it may have ended up in more widely-read publications. He also would likely have been kept for observation much longer than the period we saw in the show.

But the weirdest thing about his case, if he were a real person, would be that he is suffering such an intense amnesia symptom and yet has no other symptoms of note. Moderate TBIs can have very severe effects. They can change your personality, cause serious difficulties with communication, trigger seizures, sharply increase someone's risk of substance abuse--I could go on but you get the idea. The effects are often profound. Many people who experience a moderate TBI develop a serious disability as a result. Occasionally, people who experience a moderate TBI can get lucky and avoid the worst kinds of symptoms. But to have one highly unusual and severe symptom and no others would be extremely weird.

Once again, we find that a media portrayal of TBI is highly unrealistic. Worse, it's trivializing. Honestly, treating a TBI in this way, as a cheap ploy to further a romance plot, is pretty ableist.

Sometimes we suspend disbelief about this kind of thing when we watch visual media. There are so many other psychological diagnoses and symptoms that are inaccurately portrayed and generally overused. For example, how many TV and movie characters have had a "split personality" that bore no resemblance to actual experiences of Dissociative Identity Disorder? But if a show or movie is going to use something like this to advance a plot, they need to make it count. It needs to serve a real purpose that couldn't be accomplished just as easily by other means. And that's simply not true in this case.

The only solution to the issues created by this plotline would be to resolve it as quickly as possible and allow the characters to move on, preferably memory-holing it completely, like that time on Friday Night Lights that (spoiler alert) Landry murdered a guy and then no one ever spoke of it again.

#minato's laundromat 2 #minato shouji coin laundry 2 #minato's laundromat #minato shouji coin laundry #the shin amnesia plotline #psychology of BL

[fhs-event-week]

Propaganda for Goldami (under the cut due to lenght):

They have so much in common and yet they're so different at the same time. They both struggle with loneliness and repressing their feelings as a response, they would understand each other, and help each other, like no one else could. But their personalities are so different, Golden is a romantic craving real love and clinging to anyone who will give it to him, prone to helping anyone around him, while Cami separates herself from anything of the sort and is literally in the villain squad. They also have some drama to deal with, regarding Cami hypnotizing him, literally taking away his agency: Golden's biggest fear. And yet he doesn't recognize her as the one who did that. Oh, I wonder how that could go! (Submitted by @chocottang)

The name of the game here is POTENTIAL! The mere idea of the girl who once brainwashed the person she will later develops feelings for, and be romantically involved with, is very intriguing on its own.

How their turbulent first interaction (mind control) could ever evolve into something like friendship or romance. Does Cami regret having brainwashed Golden? Does she view it as an obligation she had to fullfill? Do the two talk about it? Does Golden remember the mind-control/ know it was Cami and if so, is there a lingering weariness toward Cami? Does she pick up on this, and if so how does she grapple with someone fearing her. Later down the line with someone she has feelings for/is dating, still "fearing" her, whether its on a conscious or subconscious level?

What does she think of Golden remembering, or not remembering? Is it guilt? How does she react as she realizes someone who was "simply a tool for bigger plans", becomes a real person to her? An individual person. Cami's view shifting from a how she previously saw Golden, or how she thought she saw them, possibly how she convinced herself to see them? Has she convinced herself she saw Golden as a simple tool in order to not think about the weight of mind control, of having the power to take peoples autonomy? There is just no way Cami sits in this relationship without wondering if she is somehow "brainwashing golden again" into "doing as she says again. Even if her brainwashing/mind-control abilities are something she has to fully intent for them to function, the inking of doubt, and the self-demonetization is a turbulence worth exploring.

Then there's Golden and how his whole personal struggle in life is being controlled and bossed around by family, drowning in work to do. Would he even be allowed to date someone in the first place? Regardless of whether or not he is allowed to, does he have the time for one? How much guilt does he feel over not being able to be there for extended periods of time, dates having to be planned in advance, and even being unable to respond to a simple text in a timely manner because hes so busy? How does it feel to have adoring fans, your name known, then have your own attention set on one person? Do her eyes on him blur and blend with the masses, can he distinguish surface level adoration and true deep feelings? If he can, can he believe it, can he believe anyone knows him enough to develop such feelings? How hollow does that make affection feel? Does he take certain gestures for granted, view them as normal, or do they maybe make him uncomfortable due to their semblance to fan culture? There are so many questions to ask and think about between them. (Submitted by anonymous)

Propaganda for Joysagi:

My only and best defense it's that one drawing and that they were GOING TO BE REAL BUT EDDO CHANGED IT AHHGGG They're literally took it away from us. 2016 was too afraid of wlws it seems They're sun/moon themed in my brain. The girlies ever. I wish eddo showed something more abt usagi that isn't related to loon and thus inmediatly forgettable so I could defend it from her side u_u From Joy's- considering the way her family treats her i just think having a more brave and adventurer gf is so nice for her,,,, like- almost two worlds meeting --- also i hc they both know karate and i love that for them. They kick people together ♡ They're just my princesses . Joysagi for the win (Submitted by anonymous).

#fnafhs #fhs #poll #fhsz3r0 #fhszero #fhs ship tournament #goldami #joysagi

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch, I (cis man, late 20s) have a bit of an issue regarding medication and my sex life... I'm hoping you can be a bit of a sounding board for me?

I recently started taking an SNRI to help with anxiety and sleep. It seems to be working (not perfectly, but there's definitely a pretty big improvement).

Currently I'm single and all my sex is solo, but I've noticed that since I started the meds my libido has significantly reduced. It's also more difficult to reach orgasm, and the orgasms feel... different? (Not sure how I feel about that bit...)

My main problem is trying to work out whether I want to raise this with my doctor when I go for my next check-up. I'm not in the market for sex with anyone else right now, so the only person it is affecting is me. The positives in terms of my anxiety are great, and the negatives are more "differences" than actual "negatives".

What do you think? Should I push to try a different medication before I get settled on this one? Or should I spend more time working out whether I'm comfortable with the lower sex-drive? I think both are reasonable, and I would appreciate your opinion - thanks!

hi anon,

PREFACE: I'M NOT ANY KIND OF DOCTOR AND THIS ISN'T MEDICAL ADVICE.

I just want to start by commending you for noting the difference between "different" and "negative." people are often taught to think of any change in their sexual function as automatically bad, when in fact it's often nothing more than a very natural fluctuation within their body.

in your case, that fluctuation is very common; many people report experiencing a decrease in libido after beginning anti-depressants. hormones drive much of our sexuality, and anti-depressants wreak havoc on our the delicate chemical balance in our brain - for the better, of course, because they ideally help bridge the gap for chemical deficiencies in our brains that make us feel Not So Good, but as a side effect functions like the libido can be thrown into a spiral.

it's worth noting that the change often isn't permanent; eventually, your body may very well acclimate to the new hormonal arrangement and gets back to business as usual. I can personally attest that my first year on anti-depressants saw my libido pretty much go dormant, but it eventually came back with a vengeance.

I'm not in any way, shape, or form an expert on how the brain works and how medication works in the long term, but as someone who spends a lot of time talking to people about sex and has been on anti-depressants for years, I have to wonder if part of the sex drive's return has to do with the effectiveness of the medication over time. many people have a hard time fully accessing their sexuality when they're suffering from stress, anxiety, and depression, because being horny - let alone actually having sex - requires an amount of mental space and energy that just isn't there when you're struggling to even perform the basic tasks that let you get through the day. again, speaking from personal experience, I know that before I was medicated, WAAAAAAY too much of my energy was getting burned up by my anxiety and the accompanying physical symptoms; there's not much left over for libido when all of you're exhausting yourself shaking and otherwise being a nervous wreck. turns out being horny is WAY EASIER when you aren't constantly on edge!

I will also point out that sometimes the reason people who aren't doing so great in regards to their mental health masturbate so much is for those sweet little dopamine hits that they're not getting anywhere else, which I don't say to stigmatize jerking off while mentally ill (god knows I can't judge for that) but to point out that after a few months with more managed anxiety, you may not even be as interested in solo sex as you previously were. or you will be, but it will look different thanks to the other positive effects your medication has had. sexuality is a slippery creature, and it's impossible to predict exactly how it will shift throughout our lives.

my point being, if you haven't noticed any other adverse side effects of this medication and you think it's going to help more than hinder you, I would recommend continuing with it for the time. you'll keep reaping the positive benefits in the meantime, and you'll have some time to reflect on those changes as they continue to happen and figure out how this new shape your sexuality has taken can still fit into the overall mosaic of your life. if you ultimately decide that you don't like what's changed, that's fine! but I would broadly advise waiting it out through the most dramatic shifts that will happen early on to get a fuller picture.

#sex edventures 2023

[nanowrimo]

50k is Overrated: NaNoWriMo from a Disabled Author's Perspective

While it’s great to reach 50,000 words, it should not be a measure of success! Being a successful writer can be different for everyone, especially if you’re disabled. NaNo participant Quinn Clark talks about their experiences participating in NaNo as a disabled writer and writing tips to keep in mind.

NaNoWriMo is the gold standard for adrenaline fueled productivity. Oh, the allure of telling all your friends you wrote 50,000 words in a month! No wonder we all get so excited each year.

But what happens when you have a disability which conflicts with the caffeine-bingeing, late-night-sprint lifestyle so associated with NaNo?

Here’s the secret: NaNoWriMo isn’t really about the 50k. It’s about progress — whatever that looks like to you. The path to 50k is just the most well-known version of NaNoWriMo: it’s less a hard-and-fast rule, and more a landmark to guide your writing journey.

I’m an author, and I’ve participated in NaNoWriMo every year for twelve years. I also have a disability called Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). CPTSD affects me in a variety of ways: dissociation, panic attacks, and a medley of unpredictable physical symptoms which make my day-to-day life difficult to navigate. As is true for countless disabled and/or neurodivergent writers, no matter how much I want to do everything at once, some days my functioning is reduced and I need time for rest, support, and recovery.

So, what does my NaNoWriMo success rate look like? Well, I’ve ‘won’ NaNoWriMo (hit the 50k words within November) seven times out of those twelve attempts, with a cumulative word count of 446,760 words.

“Oh, that’s terrible!” some of you may cry. “How have you lost so many times?”

“Man, I wish I could write that much,” others might lament. “How have you done NaNo every year for so long?”

I’ve had both of these responses from different writers before, and that fact reveals something important. Your writing process is a unique and personal thing, and it won’t always be compatible with other people’s standards. Here’s a question:

Does the 1k someone writes for one NaNoWriMo matter less than the 50k they wrote for another?

Of course not. Everyday, we wake up to our social media feeds glutted with success stories and the pervasive idea that burnout is the path to success. This notion is incompatible with disability and neurodiversity, and is therefore inaccessible. While this style of breakneck working is great for meeting your short-term goals, it is awful for consistent, meaningful progress — and even more so for your well-being. Forcing yourself to write when you’re fatigued, nauseous, exhausted, dissociated and/or depressed is a sure-fire way to associate writing with punishment, rather than joy and weirdness and creativity. Yes, many of us enjoy writing when we’re feeling bad as a form of escapism — but foregoing self-care in the name of hitting arbitrary word targets is unhealthy, and is not in the spirit of NaNoWriMo. No matter how many words you make yourself write, if you are suffering to get them down, your writing will suffer alongside you.

…So how do we win?

Don’t worry — it’s not all doom and gloom. You deserve to take care of yourself, whether you’re writing or not. Here are some tips for making NaNoWriMo a disability-friendly experience:

1. Listen to your body and brain now, not later.

Many of us are guilty of this (I’m looking at you, fellow neurodivergent writers!): pushing past the need to eat, or drink, or use the bathroom because you ‘need’ to hit today’s target. Perhaps you’re deep in hyperfocus, or are feeling guilty for taking yesterday off because you couldn’t get out of bed. That’s okay — don’t beat yourself up! Remember to treat accountability for your needs the same way you treat accountability for your writing. Listen to what your brain and body are trying to tell you: NaNoWriMo, or any similar project, is not more important than your well-being. Take that nap, grab that snack, and spend the day bundled in bed if you need to. A burnt-out writer will just start to hate the writing process. I promise you start responding to your own needs, your desire to write will gradually return. After all, writers find it impossible to stay away from the craft!

2. Commiserate with others.

There is great power in sharing your experiences. For years I kept quiet about my mental health struggles, thinking that if people knew about my condition, I wouldn’t be seen as a ‘real’ writer. But something magical happened the first time I spoke to a friend about my disability affecting my writing: they felt able to open up too. Being honest about your bad days in a way which is comfortable for you is a magnificent vulnerability. You humanise yourself in the eyes of others, and in turn are humbled by the strength of your fellow writers. Regardless of diagnosis, label or background, the human desire to be understood and validated is incredibly valuable. You may find that talking helps make your writing journey a good bit lighter.

3. Allow yourself to fail.

‘Failure’is an acidic word to writers — but it doesn’t need to be. You are not a failure because you didn’t reach a goal. You are not a failure because you changed plans. You are not a failure because you are sick, or tired, or working on a different schedule. All those NaNos I did where I didn’t hit the 50k are still so important: one sentence, one word, one idea is still better than nothing at all. You don’t need to plot every missed deadline or ‘unproductive’ work day against a graph of your own self-worth. Be proud of your achievements, and look to the next challenge — whatever that may be.

Good luck to you all on your writing journeys! And the next time you start down that self-flagellating hate-spiral for needing a couple hours off, remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t write as an empty writer.

Quinn Clark is an award-winning author, poet and researcher from the North East of England. A fan of unfiction, folklore and etymology, Quinn weaves narratives of trauma with fantastical characters to provide an insight into the misunderstood experiences of disability.Quinn has a children's colouring book commissioned by Ladybird Books due for publication next year, and is working on their ACE-funded debut novel: the science fiction-fantasy romp Out of Your Depth, following an exhausted scientist who gains the ability to transform into an octopus. You can learn more about their work on their website (https://quinnclark.co.uk), or over on their Twitter (@adashofseaglass). They also have an essay in Kat Brown's upcoming Unbound publication, 'No One Talks About This Stuff'. Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

#nanowrimo #writing #amwriting #writing advice #disability #neurodiversity #by nano guest #quinn clark #disabled writers

[speakingofpsychosis]

I would love to know more about cognitive issues associated with schizophrenic spectrum disorders.. im schizotypal & have been told the issues Ive been having with thought withdrawal n decreased motor activity n precision, among others, are caused by schizostuff and not dissociation, like i assumed.. i was very explicitly told dissociation does not manifest itself in same ways schizostuff does but not explained on account of what exactly they differ and i havent been able to find anything myself.. so i suppose info regarding thst topic could he of great use to many people. I apologize for lack of personal experience described its incredibly hard to put it into words. thank you for running this blog!

Hi! There are several ways schizophrenia effects cognitive function.

The cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia may, in part, be related to changes in the brain. Research, including a 2021 study, shows that people with schizophrenia have reduced cortical thickness, which may contribute to changes in thinking and memory.

Gray and white matter support cognitive functions like attention, memory, and language. A 2019 study reported that people with schizophrenia had less brain matter in several areas, including gray matter in the cortex, than people without schizophrenia.

The rate at which you receive, assess, and respond to new information is called your processing speed. This cognitive quality impacts how quickly you think, learn, and respond to your environment.

The volume of white matter in the brain affects processing speed.

There can be some degree of overlap with negative symptoms and they can be mutually exacerbating or compound each other. For example the loss of verbal ability combined with attention deficit can make conversation extremely difficult to the point it is avoided. Similarly, the negative symptom of avolition (the loss of the will to do things) combined with diminished executive performance makes many domestic tasks or chores increasingly complex and again, avoided.

Here’s a list of common cognitive functions impaired in schizophrenia:

Attention & Concentration

Social Cognition

Problem solving

Declarative memory

Working memory

Attention/concentration

Cognitive functions impaired in schizophrenia

Executive function

Social cognition

Processing speed

I wish you nothing but luck on your journey. 💚

#schizophrenia #schizophrenic spectrum #schizoposting #schizospeaking #schizospec #psychosis #psychosis awareness #psychotic #schizo spectrum #schizoaffective #psychosis posting #actually psychotic #actually schizoaffective #actually disabled #actually schizospec #seriously schizophrenic #psychotic disorder

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

how do i talk to my parents about taking my adhd more seriously? i feel like they dont really understand how much i really effects my life and my mom has said my "adhd isnt really a disability" and its very stressful sometimes

Hi @pyrophilexd

I’m so sorry your parents aren’t that educated about ADHD. But not to worry, I found sources you can show them and how it affects your daily life. There will be long excerpts, so I apologize if this is really long.

Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a chronic, debilitating disorder which may impact upon many aspects of an individual’s life, including academic difficulties,1 social skills problems,2 and strained parent-child relationships.3 Whereas it was previously thought that children eventually outgrow ADHD, recent studies suggest that 30–60% of affected individuals continue to show significant symptoms of the disorder into adulthood.4 Children with the disorder are at greater risk for longer term negative outcomes, such as lower educational and employment attainment.5 A vital consideration in the effective treatment of ADHD is how the disorder affects the daily lives of children, young people, and their families. Indeed, it is not sufficient to merely consider ADHD symptoms during school hours—a thorough examination of the disorder should take into account the functioning and wellbeing of the entire family.

As children with ADHD get older, the way the disorder impacts upon them and their families changes (fig 1⇓). The core difficulties in executive function seen in ADHD7 result in a different picture in later life, depending upon the demands made on the individual by their environment. This varies with family and school resources, as well as with age, cognitive ability, and insight of the child or young person. An environment that is sensitive to the needs of an individual with ADHD and aware of the implications of the disorder is vital. Optimal medical and behavioural management is aimed at supporting the individual with ADHD and allowing them to achieve their full potential while minimising adverse effects on themselves and society as a whole.

How Does ADHD Affect Overall Health?

ADHD & Sleep:

Why So Many Night Owls Have ADHD

Delayed sleep phase syndrome, defined by irregular sleep-wake patterns and thought of as a circadian rhythm disorder, is common in ADHD. The ADHD brain takes longer — about an hour longer on average (remember, that’s just an average) — to fall asleep than does the non-ADHD brain. That’s why it’s not uncommon for us to stay up late at night, and regret it in the morning.

Poor-Quality Sleep Worsens ADHD Symptoms

Suffering a sleep deficit with ADHD is like waking up to ADHD times two — or five. Lack of sleep slows a person’s response time, processing speed, and decision-making. We’re not as alert or as focused when we’re tired. We become crabby and inflexible. We imitate three of the Seven Dwarfs: Dopey, Sleepy, and Grumpy. Lack of sleep is a self-fulfilling prophecy; it only continues to throw our circadian rhythm off kilter and cause more dysregulated sleep.

ADHD & Nutrition and Eating Habits

Why ADHD Brains Chase Dopamine

The dopamine-deficient ADHD brain seeks this chemical in many places, from tobacco to junk food. Caffeine also boosts dopamine levels in the brain. And it’s always tempting to reach for simple carbs, since they rapidly break down into sugar and stimulate dopamine release.

ADHD Symptoms Influence Eating Behaviors

Symptoms like impulsivity and inattention easily invite dysregulated eating, which may lead to unintended weight gain. In fact, studies link ADHD to excess weight and obesity5 — which is linked to other conditions ranging from fatty liver, high blood pressure, and metabolic syndrome. Relatedly, research also links ADHD to Type 2 diabetes.

Are Other Health Conditions Linked to ADHD?

From autoimmune diseases and skin conditions to hypermobility and pulmonary disease, a string of other health conditions have been linked to ADHD. Take a moment to think about how ADHD impacts your diet, health, and overall wellness.

How Does ADHD Affect Education and Careers?

Adverse School Experiences with ADHD Are Common

Our experiences in school often foreshadow our careers and other aspects of our lives. Did ADHD prevent you from graduating high school or from enrolling in or finishing college, as it did for so many of us? Or did ADHD help you excel in school? Did you have to navigate school with a learning difference like dyslexia or dysgraphia, as 45% of children with ADHD do?

What Is ADHD?

ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It’s caused by brain differences that affect attention and behavior in set ways. For example, people with ADHD are more easily distracted than people who don’t have it. ADHD can make it harder to focus, listen well, wait, or take your time.

Having ADHD affects a person at school, at home, and with friends.

The signs of ADHD start early in childhood. But some people don’t find out they have it until they are older. It all depends on when ADHD keeps them from doing well, and when they see a doctor about it.

No matter when a person finds out they have ADHD, the right treatment can help them do better in all parts of their life. Having great support from parents, teachers, and friends helps too.

What Are the Signs of ADHD?

People with ADHD might:

have trouble listening and paying attention

need lots of reminders to do things

get distracted easily

seem absent-minded

be disorganized and lose things

not sit still, wait their turn, or be patient

rush through homework or other tasks or make careless mistakes

interrupt a lot, and talk or call out answers in class

do things they shouldn't, even though they know better

get upset easily

feel restless, fidgety, frustrated, and bored

Teachers will notice signs like these in the classroom. And parents will notice signs like these at home. You may notice signs like these in yourself. If you do, talk to a parent or teacher about it.

Share this information and articles to your uneducated parents. They need to understand and know how this disorder affects daily life. And it’s also genetic. So if you have ADHD, I’m sure your parents might too.

I hope this can help you and your parents. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open #long post

[frecklystars]

Sorry I have to vent I am so overwhelmed ☠️

I can’t function I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I’m tired I’m overwhelmed my hours increased again without any warning. I’m starting my other job on Monday morning and I really really don’t want to learn new things rn when I’ve got Zero Time To Be A Person. I cant keep up with everything. I have too much to do and I feel like I’m gonna explode 😭 I had to increase my hours on a different day this week just so I could decrease my hours for Tuesday so I could go visit my friends. But that means I’m working almost 14 hours this Wednesday RIP. I’ve done it before and it’s not as bad as it sounds, just exhausting asf

I don’t feel connected to my f/os atm I’m so severely depressed and burnt out I’m not getting any joy from anything whatsoever 😞 i don’t feel anything when I pull up a movie or any of Ryan’s interviews/music, and I don’t have time to go to the movies. I really wanted to keep seeing TFG in theaters and collect movie tickets like I did for Barbie but i just have… no time whatsoever. and it’ll probably leave the theaters by the end of the month :(

I dunno what to do bc I’ve already tried getting more days off and there is nothing I can do to make it happen. I just have to keep hanging in there. I’m hoping my new second job on top of everything isn’t gonna overwhelm me more, since it’s not a weekly/steady gig it’s just a few times a month depending on how many shows they have. And hopefully my main job will go a little easier on me since they’ve hired more people, I’m supposed to be training them this week. But I don’t get any proper time off from this job until June, and with my second job I have no idea what my schedule is supposed to be but hahahaaaa I’ll find out Monday and I’m really nervous :’D

I’m just tired 😭 and it always really makes me panic when I don’t feel anything for my f/os. I don’t want this to kill the hyperfixation but I feel Nothing Whatsoever. I don’t want to lose them when they’re all I’ve got. The hyperfixation wasn’t SUPER strong to begin with like TF used to be but now it’s like. i just feel Nothing and that always makes me panic bc I feel so suicidal when I don’t have a hyperfixation and I’ve had so many meltdowns the last few days I’m so. rahhhhhhh. If I lose this I’m gonna be so unwell. I’m already unwell but I’ll be like. in a fuckin hospital dude

My nightmares and flashbacks are getting way way way worse, it feels like back when it was fresh. It’s like in the back of my head all the time and I’m so on edge. I can’t relax. My abuser doesn’t deserve to live rent free in my head but I keep getting triggered by TF over and over again and they’re all always in my head now bc I just. Can’t. Relax I can’t focus. When Barbie came out and my hyperfixation started I was able to distract myself and just throw myself into self shipping with Barbie characters as often as possible, but right now I feel like I’m unable to do that … and then I just get angrier than usual when I think of TF because! I miss it! And it should not have been ruined for me the way that it was! It shouldn’t be a trigger but it is and I’ve had back to back panic attacks for the last few days and I’m siiiiiick of it. I’ve dealt with my special interest and my main comfort characters being major triggers since 2022 and I’m SIIIICK IF IT BRO. I’m sick of this franchise affecting me when I don’t even want to touch it. I’m staying as far the fuck away from it as I can and it still haunts me, so like… i should really try slow exposure therapy but dude it’s so hard. It’s so hard to look at something you used to love wholeheartedly but feel so distant from it because every time you look at it, your body and brain make you react as if you’re about to die. You’re perfectly safe but everything in you says it’s not. I’m so tired of dealing with that feeling every single day for years, I’m tired of the person who did it to me still trying to harm me even though I cut her off over a year ago.

That’s why I’ve been asking for more F/O reassurance lately the last couple of weeks, I feel like everything is so much harder to deal with since I’m so overwhelmed. And I feel so bad bc I have over a hundred inbox supportive messages just from this week alone and I haven’t been able to respond to anyone. I have a lot of dms too and I’m sorry I haven’t read any 😞 but I’m keeping them unread so the notifications don’t go away so I’ll remember to get to them, hopefully I will get to them soon or at least chip away at a few at a time. My brain is just exploding right now fhdhjfhf

I know I just gotta power thru it and it’ll get better. But the losing this hyperfixation part worries me the most out of everything else :(

#vent

[aspd-culture]

hey, i've really enjoyed this blog so i want to make absolutely sure: your stance on endogenic systems is "they have trauma, they just don't know it"?

Yep. If someone is genuinely a system, that is incompatible with having no trauma. If someone genuinely did not have trauma, they by our current scientific understanding cannot be a system.

That said, unlike many other people with this take, I try not to push endos to realize that because if they were ready to, their system would have told them. I know *multiple* people who identified as "endo" before remembering their trauma when they were ready to and realizing they were very wrong.

I also know people who formerly identified as "endo" but realized that trauma to a child can be things as "simple" as a divorce or death of a very important person in their family etc. It's not always super intense abuse. Whilst that is much more likely to cause a system it is in no way impossible to see it from things that are not commonly thought of as traumatic. It's a great time to acknowledge this actually because it's true of every trauma disorder - childhood trauma is inherently going to be different than adult trauma because children are less resilient with less life experience and their brains are still in development so they are much less likely to "bounce back". It gets cemented in their development that pain like this is part of the world and they need to develop ways to cope.

The things that an adult believes they cannot manage to survive, and therefore need to change the way their brain functions to tolerate, has a *much* higher threshold than the same for a child because a child has not seen proof of what the human brain and body can survive. Further, a child hasn't developed the ability to emotionally support themselves, so emotional neglect can make it so what in no way even upsets a child with a support system may feel unsurvivable to a child without any. If you didn't know how much blood you could lose and still live, you would think the smallest scratch might kill you - that's what life is to a child.

All of that is to say, systems don't need to have lived through unspeakable horrors to be systems, but they *do* need to have some sort of trauma as far as we currently know. If you look into adverse child experiences (ACEs), you will probably be surprised as to what counts as traumatic in the mind of a child. I cannot stress enough that a kid may become traumatized enough to develop a system from almost *any* normal negative part of life if they have no emotional support to teach them how to adjust and handle pain. That is where, in that case, the system would come in - to be the ones helping them process and handle pain since no one else is.

If the psych community were to find in multiple repeatable studies that there is a reason for non-traumagenic systems to develop, I would change my stance because I know that psych knowledge especially has a very short half-life. We learn new things all the time. But for what we currently know about how systems develop, they cannot do so without some type of sustained trauma.

If that affects your enjoyment of this blog, I'm not sure what to say. It is not common that systems even get discussed here, though it does come up sometimes because both are trauma disorders (with ASPD being infrequently purely genetic I think?). When it does come up - because all of this blog besides the culture asks are based in current psych knowledge, the DSM/ICD, and my personal anecdotes - you will see my understanding in my discussions of it. It's not to alienate anyone, but it's no different than someone asking me to say something currently believed to be factually wrong about ASPD for their comfort; I can't and won't do that.

I don't mean to come off hostile, this is all /neutral, it's just that I hate the idea that an ASPD blog that is helpful or enjoyable to someone might in some way have that positive impact affected by a currently accepted truth about a completely unrelated disorder.

Is it right of me to take that out on you though my tone? No, because you're not the one causing that emotion bc I don't even particularly know your stance on this. Unfortunately though, despite rewriting this post like 3 times, I cannot seem to get the /neutral tone to come across properly. Just... please understand it is there because my autism is not letting me phrase it right.

#aspd-culture-is #tw endo #cw endo #system discourse #cw trauma