#the sniffer incident

[board-has-star]

(Insert the sniffer incident)

so, hi. this may be one of the funniest incidents that has ever happened on our minecraft server

ENTER: THE SNIFFER

gorgeous creatures, sniffers. wonderful creatures. this was one of TWO baby sniffers we hatched inside of the beautiful town of susville (long story), and we loved them to bits.

however.

as you might be able to tell, this sniffer smells A LITTLE WHITE SOMETHING in a nearby player’s hand. this, my dear friends, is crack cocaine. and our sniffers liked to sniff it very, very much.

you can blame maxine, pictured above, for enabling what was essentially a crippling cocaine addiction.

despite their obvious... issues, we still loved our sniffers. they were our children.

so you can imagine our shock when we received news that our beloved, drug-addicted babies… were in fact, so drugged up, that any offspring they created would immediately crash the entire server.

the sniffers were killed within minutes.

our babies.

our beautiful, cocaine-loving babies.

they were no longer with us.

a funeral ensued. “Cocaine Addict #1” and “Cocaine Addict #2” were buried where they had hatched - inside of the glass dome we called the DRUG RING.

many were invited to attend to pay their respects.

tears were shed.

so many tears.

life would never truly be the same.

this all happened within the span of a few hours and it was seriously like the wildest thing ever

#minecraft #the sniffer incident #sniffer minecraft #ooc minecraft #writeups #cocaine tw #tw drugs

[ancapsass]

"Benrys sniffer"

DAWG I'M STILL LUAGIBV AT THAT IT WENT ON FOR 3 HOURS

#i fucking hate tartarsauce #firealpaca #help me #benrey hlvrai #hlvrai benry #hlvrai #hl #half live vr but the ai is self aware #half life vr benry #half life #the sniffer incident

[linmelon3o]

Part Two Life Series Lore Theory of the Evolution…

(Context is in part one)

Prologue 2

Let’s take it back to the start of my research. You see, there were six factions known as “The Senses” that ruled the world way back when from their thrones in the Stratosphere.

The Watchers were the first group to exist. They therefore dubbed themselves the leaders and would punish anyone who dared to cross them accordingly. They were the ones who watched. They toyed with our emotions like a set of bowling pins; set up then knock down and set up again. On repeat. They were the only ones we knew for the longest time because of their many riddles and rhymes. Their portals were what allowed us to get stronger. To forget. Although, we were never particularly fond of them. Anything that we asked them about the world was ignored or dismissed. They played us like pawns in their own little game. Not daring to give us even the slightest bit of knowledge about the wide universe and the other beings that ruled it. Or even how we came to be in this world. There are many theories for this of course, but none have been confirmed.

The Listeners were discovered after the Watchers and eventually were the ones that intervened in their schemes. They understood us, well in the ways a celestial group of beings could I guess. Although, it was always difficult to understand their true intentions. They would leave signs and riddles around to help us like the Watchers did. but only in times of great need (and little those were before the incident). They quarreled frequently with the Watchers after they had tried to aid us in our escape from the world of Evolution. The Watchers knew they couldn’t take their wrath out on The Listeners because of the devastating effects of a war among The Senses. This decision overall is how we ended up in this endless abyss of repetition and competition that we now call The Life Games. We were sent to this world and this is where we have met our fate.

Not many people know anything about the final four of The Senses, but let me pass on to you what I have been able to discover. After much thought and research I have been able to find:

The Sniffers are normally the nicest of the group. However, they can smell dangerous situations from a mile away and usually end up being quite accurate in their “predictions”. They can be quite dangerous if provoked. They are very confusing as well and it can be difficult to understand quite what they intend to do. No one truly knows much about their other powers because no one has spoken with them to date.

The Feelers are very similar to The Sniffers in the fact that they have never been communicated with. We do know that they feel emotional connection 10x as much as others and they are nice when unprovoked. If you anger them or break their connection to anything they cherish, they will come after you with the psychotic anger of a thousand and demolish everything in their path. They can be really good but turn on you in an instant. You do not want to be on their bad side.

The Testers are sort of the laughingstock group of the senses… But don’t lower your expectations. They do usually tend to not know or think about things as much and they always lose at any competition. However they are very good at finding people to trust and making the strongest team. They are stronger than anyone expects. They are the glue that holds the rest of The Senses together and can hold their own almost as well as any of the other senses.

And, the most elusive group of all

The sixth sense.

No one knows anything about The Sixth Sense. This group was not even a group. Each of the senses has two or more beings in their group but The Sixth consists of one being that has long since thought to have perished. What little information we have left is either lost or burned by The Senses when their groups split. The only bits that we know of them are that: The Senses could never get used to the power that he held. The Sixth was so powerful that it would take two to three of The Senses to even have a chance against him in battle. The Sixth was officially banished from The Senses before our world was created. Everyone has since then thought that he’s dead and gone but I suspect that we have a reason to believe otherwise. I suspect that he has taken a liking to a little boy who is a little bit too good to play games.

#lore #life series #just a thought #grian #inthelittlewood #bigbst4tz2 #pearlescentmoon #jimmy solidarity #evolution smp

[itstheghostofmypast]

Her Laughter (Modern AU)

Five x F.Reader (Modern AU)

AU: No powers + Assassin AU

Summary: Okay, so she'd laugh when she was nervous and she'd laugh when she was lying- either way, he didn't care. Being able to find someone normal to love, would probably do him some could, especially if that someone brews coffee like it was sent from Heaven. She was his morning sun, his angel, his bag of giggles- as normal as every other civilian- or so he thought.

Requested by: @rpses

The Hargreeves family was an influential bunch, each sibling had an important role to play. A family with dark secrets, with cracks and wounds, and issues that were later given down to the father's favorite child to care about. Reginald Hargreeves adopted 7 different children from around the world, the only similarity was that each child was born on the exact same date, month, year, time, and second. To the naked eye, the lot was a bunch of kids adopted by a billionaire who just needed a hobby, but in the world hidden between black and white, the people of the grey knew their real identity. The 7 children were adopted to create an elite group, each to infiltrate societal reigns,  each branch of it. This is why, for a very long time the media was confused as to why the children had numbers instead of names- until of course their nanny gave them names, which each child used proudly, except for 1 of them; Number 5. Nonetheless, as the children grew older, and spread their wings, they began to choose their own path

1- Luther settled down, had a family, and owned a little book shop and library with his wife. The two would constantly be traveling the world, and his wife, Sloane, a famous author, would write about their little ventures.

2- Diego, was a bit different - the rebel. After successfully being thrown out of the police academy, his brothers (Klaus and Ben) encouraged him to open a gym or a training center for children's self-defense. Initially he was against the idea, but after he rescued a little girl from being kidnapped in broad daylight, he realised how important it was for children to learn to kick ass.

3- Allison, the only sister, the star of the family and Hollywood. All sources would tell was how she, albeit being famous, had little contact with her siblings, especially after their father's death. Perhaps due to the incident that took so much hype that a certain Hargreeves had to intervene and shut down many news outlets.

4- Klaus Hargreeves, the resident paint sniffer, was actually one of the only siblings that the 'new head' of the family got along with very well. To say that Klaus actually had a job would be...not particularly accurate, what started off as a "positive affirmations group for senior citizens ', turned into a lowkey cult- which once again led the 'new head' of the family to sort out. So now, Klaus just worked with his brother, in the family business, and stayed at the manor.

5- Five Hargreeves, the star child, the child their father had left everything to. He was titled The Commander, he held control over everything- an issue that was bounced around by the media, for he was the only Hargreeves that never got along with the press or certain controlling structures within the society of the elite. Either way, this "blessing of power" had caused the siblings to separate, especially their sister Allison. To many, Five was a sly, selfish, secretive control freak. At least his image was portrayed to be as such and somewhere down the line, the 30-year-old stopped giving a f***.

6- Ben Hargreeves, the 'nicest Hargreeves', owned a luxury restaurant of his own- the only place Five Hargreeves would eat from. To a point where his loyalty became a problem for Ben. The brother had to launch personalized coffees for the idiot-

"Dude, FINE DINING-"

"I'd like to fine dine in a place that sells black ivory brews."

"...."

7- Victor Hargreeves, the only sibling that was not political, controversial, or even chaotic (that or maybe the others were pretty good at covering his tracks). Either way, he was a normal violin instructor, minding his own business, living his life peacefully- to say.

Now, back to what the greys and shadows of the world knew about the Hargreeves. Trained assassins, especially their current commander. The last collected data showed how 4 out of 7 siblings were still active. 4,5,6 were not only close because of their brotherly love for each, but because they were still running the family business- messy things; while no.2 well, to put it politely, the man was now a vigilante, or as No.5 would describe him to be, "Imagine Batman, then aim lower." Either way, the Hargreeves were shady, filthy rich, and political.

Due to this very reason, Five had decided to not give into anything else. A normal life was never a blessing gifted upon him. His sole purpose in life now was to continue carrying on his father's work. Before the old man died, Five had begun to teach university-level physics and math, but resigned as his responsibilities grew. There was nothing out there that could change this man's pattern of living, change the way their family was broken, or the way at the end of it all, he was always alone. At least, that's what he thought.

Blinking away the sleep in his eyes he stared up at the ceiling, today was the day, the day Five completely dreaded, he was in no mood of going on with planned activities for the day- or rather the evening, but this wasn't about him. He would have to constantly tell him that, no, this evening didn't revolve around him, it was about her, it was for her, he was going to do this for her. Five Hargreeves was never one to give in, let alone listen to any god damn person, but she wasn't just anyone, she was his red rose in the middle of a scorching desert, his moon across the veil of the dark night, the sugar to his bitter coffee. And after three years of being with her, a family introduction was bound. After all, it was coffee that had introduced her to him, in one of the most unusual ways.

After the usual night of taking care of family business, the man slowly made his way down the street to his brother's restaurant. Ben was in Spain right now, but hopefully, the restaurant was open at, he checked his wristwatch- bloody 3 am. God, he was f***ed, he would've murdered anyone for a good cup of joe right now. Much to his expectant disappointment, it was closed. Now don't get him wrong, he knew this restaurant was Ben's but IF HE COULD SET IT ON FIRE, IF ONLY- slowly putting the cement block back in its place, his head whipped in the direction of a heavenly smell, eyes spotting a small light emitting from the corner shop. 

His feet ran before he could process, for by the next minute he stood in front of a small, relatively new coffee shop: a cafe. He hadn't seen one here before, come to think of it, there was no other place to eat or drink around the block, especially after Ben's business took over- the man was like a shark, running the area, so how did this person grow a pair to open their business here?

Squinting, he tried to make out what the place looked like, it was still messy like the place was yet to be set up. The small ceiling lamps lit up in silence, an atmosphere of peace and calmness enveloping the things below. Confused, he tried to push the glass door, only to find it was locked. But- but- but he could still smell the coffee and  

*Tap*

*Tap* 

He slowly, lightly tapped the glass with his knuckles, hoping to gain the attention of whoever was inside. And as lady luck would have it, someone did stumble out from the doors of the kitchen, muttering curses as they kicked the boxes around only to freeze when their- her- eyes locked with his.

"You gonna let me in or what?" 

She flinched at his muffled voice, the place was a mess, she wasn't supposed to open for another day. She was a mess, instead of choosing to set up first, she was busy in the kitchen, creating brews and recipes- don't get her wrong, it's not like the movers didn't offer her help with the unpacking, but somewhere deep down inside, the feminist in her called her out, "Girl, we got this". It's not like a random stranger would show up at 3 am for coffee and-

"Lady, it's a simple yes or no, though I'd prefer a yes."

"I- " scurrying over to the doors she unlocked them and peaked out at him- yes, she peeked out of the glass doors. "S-sorry sir *clears throat* we're closed"

"But do you have coffee right now?"

"Perhaps.."

"Then I'd like a mug and I'll pay whatever you want."

She looked at him, utterly confused and nervous, this was not going to be easy. She couldn't just say no to a customer on the first day- wait, what if he was a creep who had bad intentions and-

"Lady, please. I'll stand outside if you want me too-"

The roar of the clouds above thought otherwise, pouring down on him and the world around him. 

"mOTHER FU-"

He stopped at the sound of the door opening followed by a chuckle, did she just, laugh at him???? Offended, he was deeply offended and- she was already gone,leaving the door wide open for him as the rain chose to enter before he could. "Shit." He muttered as he closed the door behind him, staring at the wet area, his clothes weren't as bad as he thought, partially wet is better than drenched anyway, but the place around him that was dusty was now a mixture of muddy and watery, man, she should clean up if she plans on opening this joint.

He sat on a free table, only clean table, looking around the place, eyes turning to the kitchen door opening, holding a tray in one hand- balancing it ever so delicately, the other hand holding onto a towel she walked over to him, not meeting his gaze. 

"S-sorry about earlier" handing him the towel to dry his damp hair she placed the mug of freshly brewed coffee and a slice of cake. 

Drying his hair he nodded muttering a 'thanks' before he heard her chuckle again, eyeing her through his locks. Before he could retort she covered her mouth, turning around, back facing him, stifling a fit of giggles.

"...is there something on my face"

"No-hoho- shit iMsorry"

Eyebrows raised he shrugged, whatever was up with this psycho- who was now running back to the kitchen- he didn't really care. He got a cup of joe that smelled wonderful and that's all that mattered. Pressing the mug against his lips he groaned at the warmth, it was the first sip however, that had him slamming the kitchen door open, causing her to squeak and throw whatever was in her hands- the later noticed cake batter on the ceiling.

"HOW DID YOU DO IT?"

"Do what?"

"The coffee...why does it taste like it was sent from heaven-"

But before he could finish, she burst into laughter, choking on her own laugh as she covered her mouth, trying to gain composure. He had no idea what was happening, but before him was a woman, losing herself to a fit of psychotic laughter on her knees as she tried to stop herself. 

"Do i...call 911 or something-"

"No-hoh, i'm fine " she gasped, slapping herself lightly.

"Really don't look fine to me-"

"I LAUGH WHEN IM NERVOUS OKAY JUST STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT"

"Oh..." Staring right at her glossy gaze, he could tell she wasn't lying, the words leaving his lips sooner than he could stop them, "kinda cute."

Cue her face flushing like a tomato, giggles bouncing around the walls of the kitchen as he cleared his throat, looking everywhere but at her. He wasn't lying though, whatever weird quirk this was, it rang like music in his ears.

The same night she had asked him to not look at her directly as she explained to him about the problem of her laughter. How it would trigger every time she was nervous or super anxious- or if she was lying, she could control it usually, tonight being an exception. This was her own place, she was going to open it in two days and the coffee and cake that he had consumed were her own recipes.

"F***ing delicious.".

"O-oh..thank you."

The same night he listened to her talk about how she spent her whole life saving up for this very dream, how she wanted no one to interfere for once, which is why she thought she should unpack and set up herself. He chose not to comment on that, just watching her, it had been a while since he had seen anyone so passionate about something other than money or power. The way she would talk about her plans, how she hoped to never hate this dream she had recklessly dove into. Before they knew it the rain had stopped, the morning light peeking out from behind the grey clouds. Glancing at his watch, he clicked it tongue, standing up as he dusted off his pants,

"Well then, I wish you the best of luck for your future venture."

"Thank you- wait," she stopped him from leaving, only to scurry back to the kitchen.

Looking around with his hands stuffed in his pockets, he realized how he hasn't had a decent conversation with anyone in so long, a conversation that was filled with random day-to-day things. Perhaps he should have helped her with the setting up, or not? It's not like he'll come here every morning just for a cup of coffee, as soon as Ben's back, he'd dip- no need to form connections with someone normal, someone innocent, someone as beautiful and kind and- shit.

"Here you go." 

Brought back to reality she saw him holding out a paper bag to him, it had the logo of the shop.

"I uh...it has coffee so make sure you don't flip it around..heh..alsolookintoitwhenyougohome."

"Oh...thank you, you really didn't have to- oh wait, I didn't pay you earlier " he began to take out his wallet only for her to stop him.

"It's okay, this one's..on the house."

With that he walked out, assuming he'd never really come back there. Or so he thought, for when he went home and pulled out the little cup of coffee and  plastic box with a tart, he found a napkin, with something scribbled on it.

"I'm sorry I creeped you out Mr.Hargreeves I hope you like the tart, I figured out the special ingredient to add after talking to you, thank you for being my first ever customer. May you find someone you love as much as you love coffee."

Snorting, he neatly folded the napkin and placed it in his coat pocket, "Smooth for someone who can't talk without bursting into laughter."

"What are you smiling about oh dear brother" Klaus sang, entering the kitchen, eyes landing on the brown bag on the counter, "oh...this isn't from Ben's place."

"It isn't"

"And why is that, pray tell?'

"Because it was closed, now if you excuse me, I have better things to do." With that he walked out of the kitchen leaving Klaus behind with only the empty bag-

"Man" picking up the paper bag he looked at it, flipping it over, "I wanted to taste the tart- oh? What's this?" His eyes scanned over the definite feminine handwriting,

"For a special customer"

"Ohoho, there is a lady involved."

Naturally, Five did not go there the next day or the next -practically a whole week, Ben was back anyway and again, she was nice and all but she had her own dreams and work and he had his. Plus, as heavenly as her coffee was, going to her place may actually put her in danger. Hence, he sat at Ben's restaurant, sipping the slightly too bitter coffee, slamming the mug down grimacing- a few heads turning in his direction. 

"Okay, this is getting out of hand." Ben sighed, pulling out a chair and sitting infront of him. "Man, it's been a week, a week of you saying the dumbest things about the coffee, it's either too bitter or too sweet or isn't brewed right....so what's it today, buddy?" He hissed, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back against his seat.

Shrugging Five looked around mumbling; "it's too hot."

"Out."

"What?"

"I said get out you-"

"Woah woah woah, ladies, calm yourselves" the third chair screeched, as Klaus flopped down, putting a paper cup on the table, "what's this all about."

Five, who was about to retort paused to stare at the familiar cup, "Where'd you get that?"

"Oh, this?" He said holding the cup, "it's a heaven sent coffee from a little shop around the corner." 

"Wait, there's no other food joint here?" Ben asked, taking his cup to taste the coffee, moaning in delight, "What the f*** is this?"

"I know right, cute little place, cute little girl too-"

Abruptly getting up, he stomped away, leaving both his brothers behind. A smug expression plastered on Klaus' face as he raised his eyebrows at Ben, "I love playing matchmaker"

"Please don't."

Opening the glass doors he entered the almost empty cafe, with little to no people around, but it looked pretty- those aesthetic-filled places his university students would tell him about, claiming he wasn't much older than them, so he should like those places too. It looked much different from the last time he saw this place, cleaner and brighter. Eyes stopping at her wiping the counter. 

"Morning."

"Good morning- oh Mr.Hargreeves" she paused midway, staring at him, surprised to see him here. He had not shown up since that night, much to her disappointment, she had assumed maybe he found her note a bit too informal or offensive. 

"The place isn't...packed?" 

"Oh, um...it's been a slow day- i uh...haha..i kind of wanted to haha apologise..." She cleared her throat, trying to regain composure and not scare away the only few customers present.

"For what?" Eyebrows raised, he leaned closer to the glass counter, staring at the desserts.

"For whahahaha-the...haha..napkin message-"

Words caught in her throat, eyes locking with his as he frowned, standing up straight, "Why are you apologising for that? Did you not mean it?"

"Wha-idid."

"Then?"

"I um....heheh...it was..weird?" She muttered looking behind him, checking if there was another customer, but there wasn't. In fact, it had been a slow day, a slow week, she knew opening up next to a 6-star restaurant would be an issue, the whole concept of threat and weakness but, she knew for a fact that her coffees were better. Cheaper too!

"It was cute." 

His words cut off her thoughts- any thought process to be accurate, face contorting, suspicious eyes landing on him, eyeing him up and down to notice any signs of lying.

"I'm serious. I thought it was sweet."

"Then...why didn't you come for a whole week?"

Shit. Good going Five, what will you tell her now? He wanted to slap himself, that was not how it was supposed to go around. For f***'s sake, he wasn't even supposed to be here! That little b**** just HAD to buy coffee from here and show up at Ben's, in a few more weeks Five would have forgotten about her- probably, probably not. WHO KNOWS - but now here he was, standing before her like an idiot. He had no intention of telling her how he actually felt- or had begun to feel after he read the note. In all honesty, he wanted to come the very next morning, order a cup of coffee and just sit in a corner, watching her peacefully. Hell, he didn't even know her that well, and she sure as hell didn't know a thing about him-

"It's fine if you don't want to tell me."

Head snapping in her direction as she picked up the crumbs off the counter and walked into the kitchen, doors closing in behind her. Was she serious or was she upset? Shit. He was about to leave before she came out of the kitchen, coming back with a smile.

"So can I get you anything?"

Nodding instantly he pointed at a pastry and cleared his throat, "coffee?"

"Same one?"

"Got something new?"

"You want to try something new?"

He paused for a moment and glanced at her, there it was, that double-edged sword. Now did he want to try something that would potentially end poorly, or perhaps it wouldn't? But would it really be bad if ...maybe for once, he could feel what love...feels like ...to have someone care for you? Keep you warm like coffee?

"What would you...recommend?"

"I'll surprise you" she giggled, trying to cover it up by clearing her throat. Leaving him standing there, smiling at his own reflection off the clean counter that one spot she kept on wiping while talking to him, was she using it as a distraction so she wouldn't end up laughing out of nervousness?

And what a surprise it was. Slowly, ever so slowly, he'd get up a bit earlier than he'd usually do. Making sure to put on a bit more aftershave than usual, hair gelled back, tie fixed, shoes shining. All to ensure that he was the first person there, the first customer there- sometimes, he'd show up before she would, not that she'd mind. She'd just tell him to sit wherever while she'd make them a fresh brew, listen to him talk about his siblings, his usual day handling family finances, his brother's wedding, his sister's movie, his other brother's concert. If one thing was clear as day, it was that this man was in love with his family, she could see that like it was written on the wall- but she noticed how his insecurities would usually get the best of him, making him bitter and distant. She never asked about things he didn't want to talk about, like his actual job or why the siblings never really met, it was more of a 'let him talk about whatever he likes' session. She'd just sit across the table and watch, smiling with a mug in her hand, watching the golden morning hue illuminate his angular face, lashes shimmering under the light, laughter ringing like bells in heaven. It was amazing to see someone so beautiful, near perfect- talking to her, spending their mornings with her.

Three months into this routine he woke up one morning, ready as ever, smiling to himself as he reached for his phone to see a text from her. She was sick and told him the cafe would be closed for the day. And just like that, his morning was ruined. The sun was too bright, the birds were too loud, the house was dusty and Klaus was just a bitch, which is why when he saw his brother coming into the kitchen he snarled,

"Why are you here?"

"More importantly, why are you burning eggs?"

"I am not." He slammed the pan in the sink, "f*** this "

"So, no Y/N today?"

"No, she's sick- how do you know her?"

"Oh well if she's sick-" before he could finish his statement he was slammed into a wall as his brother looked at him with that psychotic look in his eyes.

"Klaus, she is a very normal and a very nice person-"

"Which is why you should totally tell her you like her Five. Man, you're smitten, whipped, head over heels, aching in the core for her- look you forgot how to fry eggs just at the notion of not being able to see her today." He pointed at the pan in the sink, not really bothered by Five's outburst. 

Grip loosening he sighed, groaning as he walked over to the counter. "It's not as easy as you think...I'm not..you Klaus. People just don't...like me, let alone fancy me." He muttered, busying himself with making an omelet this time.

"And why do you think that? You tend to think the worst of yourself in every given situation, Five." He taunted, sitting on a barstool, elbows pressed against the counter, face in his palms as he noticed how dressed up his brother was- man, this lad was ready like it's a date. This was one of Five's nicest suits, he knew that for sure.

"I don't think Klaus, I know. I couldn't even keep the family together. Look at us, you and ai are the only ones here- hell if you didn't have issues with your job you wouldn't be here either." Slamming the bowl on the counter he walked over to the other end, grabbing salt and going back to his bowl, "Ben and Vanya are too nice to say anything to me- that and I have shares in his business. Diego is...just Diego, I haven't seen Luther since the wedding, and let's not talk about Alison, shall we?' he said as he gently tipped over the salt, eyes widening as the cap fell off into the bowl, followed by the entire contents of the salt shaker. 

"FOR F****'S SAKE I'M JUST-"

"Well, have you ever tried talking to any of them? Minus Alison, of course, we don't want to go back there again."

"No, Klaus. You know why?' he turned around glaring at Klaus who looked oh so happy, "Because I know they don't care. I wouldn't either," he pointed at himself with his thumb, "if I knew me. Especially after Reggie dear left me with all this shit! Why, why would you assume I would like to kill and clean up after that- "

"What is Y/N like that?"

"What?" He paused, staring at Klaus who smiled at him menacingly, "I mean, I know what she looks and sounds like, she also makes delicious coffee to kill for but...what about you makes you like...." He pointed at his brother who was visibly shaking, "Like this. The man that can kill almost ten men in under two minutes, loses the ability to make breakfast at the thought of a woman."

"She's ...nice" he sighed, deciding to give up on cooking and just sitting in front of Klaus, "This entire thing was her dream, I appreciate she actually pulled through, unlike any of us. Pretty straight forward too, " he stared at the white marble under them, "Honestly is smarter than she gives herself credit for, I've met world renowned chefs, culinary artists and all this shit Klaus...but everytime I see her, she has something new for me to try, it tastes different each time too and it's not the bad different - never is."

"Five, I've never seen you talk about someone like that."

Shrugging he tapped the counter, "well, I haven't had a decent conversation for sometime. She listens...really well. And" he chuckled, stretching his arms over his head before sighing, "laughs when she lies or is nervous"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"What? I said she laughs when she's-"

"YOU IDIOT."

"Okay, Klaus, no need to ruin our moment here-"

"IF SHE LAUGHS WHY DON'T U JUST ASK HER IF SHE LIKES YOU/"

"because I- '' words caught up in his throat, brows furrowed in confusion before he hummed. It's not like the thought had never occurred to him, but he wasn't sure why he never asked her. Perhaps he was too afraid, afraid to know the answer. What if she didn't laugh? What if she didn't like him-

"Listen to me." The paler man slapped his hands on the countertop, "ASK HER. I've SEEN the way she looks at you when you speak to her, or how she leaves you notes on napkins- ask her or someone else will and you'll be too late!'

"Great speech bucko, but I don't know where she lives".

"I do"

"Why."

"Oh, Ben wanted to buy her business so he got her details, then I was like :Nu-uh Benerino, this girl gonna be our sister-in-law soon-"

"Okay, you know what, just give the address."

In a matter of minutes, he stood there, fist an inch away from the wooden door. Well shit. All that big talk in front of Klaus and now he stood there wondering what to do, as usual. His knuckles barely caressed the timber when the door was yanked open, only to jerk away at the sight of a fist.

"O-ohhahaha, sorry Mr.Hargreeves, I thought you were a creep or something." She mumbled over her mask. The giant hoodie cap making her seem even smaller- the hoodie looked familiar though. 

"Thought the same the first time you saw me too." He smiled at her, bending to take the trash bag from her, lowkey forgetting why he was even there in the first place, "Feeling any better?"

"Mmmkay..." Her words were a soft mumble as her fingers played with the material of her hoodie, "why are you here..." 

"Why am I here?" Repeating after her he nodded to himself, clearing his throat as he looked around, trying to peak over her head to look into her apartment- ironic how she lived above the cafe she owned.

"I'm here because I had to ask you something, may I come inside?" 

She took a moment to think then answered, closing the door a bit, a gesture he noted, a gesture that broke his confidence a bit more, "I'd prefer...you ask here."

"Very well. We'll talk later." He looked around before nodding at her, gripping tightening on the trash can as he turned to leave, maybe this was a bad idea-

"W-wait Mr.Hargreeves, let's talk downstairs...heheeh..gimme 10 minutes I'll be there " she chuckled, groaning right after, this was no time to laugh, throwing the keys of the place at him, which he caught easily, eyeing her. She was nervous, he could tell but about what?

Either way Five had been sitting near the window, the other lights of the cafe were off, but a spotlight at the counter. He had turned up the heat, wanting to ensure that the place wasn't cold when she came in. That's the thing, he didn't understand why he felt the urge to do that. She had just flatly refused to let him in her apartment, well, that isn't partially rude- it is sensible but she's known him for 3 months already. Why didn't she trust him? Or perhaps she never saw him as more than a loyal customer, perhaps those notes about finding love and happiness were just friendly advice. Or maybe they were hints, she was hinting that she wished him the best, but she wasn't the best for him-

"Mr.Hargreeves?"

She didn't look sick- well, she did look tired, even under the dim light and change of clothes, he could tell that much. A chuckle passed her lips as she placed a tray on the table, cleared her throat, sitting down across the table, rubbing her hands together, "Thank you for turning on the heat...hahaha...i uh...haha..forgot to ask you to."

"Why don't you call me Five?"

Nodding at the question she looked at the tray, noticing how he hadn't even reached for his coffee, it was still on the tray. Reaching forward, her hand hovering above the cup, only for him to grip her wrist, eyes locking with hers, "Y/N, I asked you something."

"Because..." 

"Because?"

"I...hahahah- shit stOp" she covered her mouth with her other hand, frustrated, of all the moments this horrid curse of a quirk could take over it was now. Pulling her other hand away she got up only to bump into him, she wasn't even sure when he had come up to her. Gently pulling her hands away he sighed,

"Feel free to slap me away."

"Wha-" she was cut off by a soft pair of lips crashing against hers, hands cupping her face as he pulled her closer. Her hands gripped his dress shirt, trying not to fall from the rush of emotions. Pulling away, his lips brushed against hers, admiring her features, how her eyes were still closed, face warm in his hands. 

His hands fell off her face, only to find themselves back on her body, this time on her waist. Her eyes sparkling - or so he thought- looking up at him with a look that made it oh so hard for him to control himself.

"I take it, you fancy me?"

"Doesn't take a genius to figure that out."

"Oh, snappy, huh?"

She only giggled in response trying to push him away, only to pull her closer, "wai-heh-t your coffee?"

"Can wait, you taste better."

"What are you thinking about? You have been for a while." 

Sighing he turned his head to look at her, her body was completely turned towards him, covered by the sheets, only the sheets. She was much more confident now, much more comfortable around him.

"I was thinking about how we met."

"Oh?" She gasped, scooting closer to him, snuggling into his side only for him to wrap his arm around her waist, "which part? The one where you said I taste better than the coffee I make."

"I said that last night though too."

"You did." Booping his nose she tried getting up, only to be pulled back down into his chest. 

"Stay."

"I have work, Five, so do you hahahaa"

"How about we don't go anywhere-"

"What about tonight's dinner?"

"Yeah, about that, how aren't you a laughing mess by now?"

"Why do you think I was laughing last night?"

"Oh, i thought it was because of the blindfold-"

His words were cut off by her phone ringing, pulling away as she picked it up. Got off the bed as she took the sheets with her, to the washroom talking about how she'll be downstairs in 20 minutes. He sat up confused only to smirk at how the washroom door was slightly ajar- might as well shower, before starting their day.

He came into the cafe, fixing his tie, giving one of the employees a nod, "I'll have my usual." He said as he looked around, the place was busier now. Three years of coming here regularly, three years of his relationship and tonight they were going to meet his family. 

"For our usual customer."

He glanced up at her and snorted, taking the cup out of her hands, "shouldn't you be in the kitchen?"

"Well, they said the resident old man was here, so I had to deal with him myself- hehehehe"

"No love, the laugh ruins the effect", he smirked at her pout, waving at her before walking off,muttering, "I'll pick ya up at 8."

Chuckling to herself she groaned, she was really not ready to meet them, all 6 Hargreeves. Especially since she had seen how anxious he'd get, irritable as well. She had a bad feeling about tonight, she was sure.

Just as he had said, he was at her doorstep by 8 pm, giving her that dashing smile when she opened the door.

"Well look at you, looking all edible."

"Pffft-"

"Come on my little giggly bean, the sooner this night is over with the better. If it ends well, I'll pat Klaus on the back, if not, I'll kill him."

"This is where you LIVE?"She gasped, staring up at the building, the pointing at the building on either sides, "All of this ohohohomygod." She hissed, gripping his arm, moving closer, if that were possible.

"Yeah, well there were almost nine people here before- anyway" his hand reached for the door which opened before he could only to see Klaus.

"Brother- Oh You must be Y/N!" He opened his arms wide, wrapping her in an embrace, smirking at Five who was growling.

Patting his back she giggled and pulled back, "You must be Klaus, Five talks a lot about you."

"Oh~ pray tell? All good things I suppose?"

Another voice cut her off as a smaller, paler man came into view, coming out of the living room with a smile, "Hello there, it's lovely to meet you Y/N" smiling in return she walked over to the man following him inside the living room.

"By the way" Five stared at her walking away before glaring at Klaus, "I dont talk about you- she was only being nice." Stuffing his hands in his pockets he stomped away as Klaus burst out laughing.

Upon entering the living room he saw that she was chatting and laughing with Victor, but that wasn't her nervous laughter. He was glad he decided to call Victor earlier, at least he'd be able to control the situation. An hour in and more people came through the door,

"Hey Brother." Luther waved awkwardly at Five who snorted, shaking his hand and raising his glass at him. "Been a while Luther, how was Paris?" He asked casually, leading his brother to where Victor and Y/N were standing near the fireplace. 

"Y/N, this is Luther." Five lightly brushed his hand against hers, eyes gazing at her softly, as she looked at Luther and smiled, giggling- there's that nervous laugh.

"It's very nice to meet you, I know Five can be a handful." The big boy smiled, proud he made his brother's girlfriend laugh and comfortable around them. Actually, he hadn't seen Five like this before, he was calmer, tamer,  at first glance you couldn't even tell that this man killed for a living. Here he was, staring at the woman he loved in the most affectionate way possible- and that is exactly why he knew Five could easily kill a room full of people for her.

"Hey, hey, where's the star of the night- oh! I know you, I've seen you at my gym!" Diego entered the space, putting down a gift bag on a table as he threw his jacket in a corner, "I'm Diego, you were...in my class once, right?" He asked not noticing Five's body stiffening, face contorting into displeasure as he glanced at Y/N.

"O-oh hahaha yes...I uhh .my friend asked me to join it for a day hahah."

"Oh who was your frie-"

"OKAY KIDS, BEN IS HERE, LET US GO HAVE DINNER!" Klaus broke off the interaction making sure everyone was going to the dining room. 

She was the last one left with Five who glanced at her, she knew that look, he looked at people that way when he didn't trust them. Shit. "Five I-"

"That's where that hoodie was from?" He whispered, remembering the hoodie she was wearing the day they finally got together.

"Y-yeah..."

"Why didn't you tell me?'

"I-it was just one class, hahah"

"Yeah but I would've preferred being informed about you knowing one of my brothers beforehand and- would've preferred you telling me than him."

"I-"

"Five, you guys coming?" Klaus peaked in, eyes lingering on Five, having some form of mini stare down. Fortunately for her, he won, causing Five to sigh and nod. Turning to her with a small smile, "Come on...we'll talk later."

"What took you guys so long!" Ben gasped, sitting across Klaus who shrugged, "Lover's quarrel."

"You guys fighting?" Victor asked only for her to laugh, "n-ohono..."

"We aren't," he said as he poured her a glass of water, "We were talking and Klaus can't keep his nose out of shit."

Ben just nodded and raised a glass, "To the girl that popped our brother's cherry and is a great rival business"

She choked on her drink, snorting and gagging as the rest of the Hargreeves laughed at how their brother was patting her back, trying to calm her down, "IgNore them- THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR BEING NORMAL"

"HAHAHA"

"Normal, well I wouldn't use that word to describe this family."

All heads turned at the new voice, causing Five to groan, Luther gulped, Diego raised a brow and Ben exchanged a look with Victor.

"Allison" klaus stood up, clapping his hands, "So glad you could come, you're a bit late though-"

"Wait, you invited her?" Five cut him off, angry- no, scratch that he was pissed. He knew Allison had it out for him and she would do anything to f*** things up for him again, it took him 2 years to get out of the heat of the press. He could feel Y/N's hand on his, trying to calm him down.

Allison looked at Five and raised a brow, "Oh? And everyone can meet you new plaything and I can't?"

"Dont.call.her.that." he stood up, only for her to pull him back down to his seat. Countless nights, he had spent countless nights talking about how the issue with Allison had made the situation between the siblings worse- he would say she had a talent on "find you weak spot and making sure to press it ". And from the looks of it, she had found Five's weak spot, sitting right beside him.

"Please, I come with no ill feelings." She said as she sat down across Y/N, taking Klaus' chair. "Nice to meet you Y/N, I'm Allison."

"Nice to meet you too." She smiled, gripping onto Five's hand from under the table.

"Well, how about we have dessert? Huh?" Ben stood up, going to the kitchen to bring back a cake, "Since you're part of the family now Y/N, we thought why not celebrate it properly?" He looked at Y/N who was almost in tears, clearing her throat as she looked at Five.  Five looked at her with a small smile, he had to owe it to Ben for making things a bit easier for him everytime.  "Only if you want to..." He whispered to her, as Ben handed her a knife.

Not long after that, a bottle of champagne popped open, a few glasses down and most of them were at least tipsy. Standing near the fireplace as the music played around the room, Five was still a bit tense with Allison around, but the sight of Y/N laughing with Klaus and Ben made him feel a bit better. Maybe things would just flow smoothly- or so he thought.

"I'm going to the washroom," she whispered to Five who nodded after giving her the directions to it. With that all seven of them were in the room alone, drinking quietly. 

"Nice girl Five." Diego smiled at him, "I'm really happy for you." He raised his glass at the raven-haired man who gave him a tight-lipped smile, "Thanks, Diego."

"Oh, she's a real sweet gal," Luther chimed in, sitting next to Victor who nodded, "Don't be yourself around her- at least not too much." 

"I'll try not to be." he snorted, eying Allison who was quietly drinking in a corner, not really pitching in her two cents. She had been fairly decent after the first five seconds of the dinner. 

"I'll go check up on her-"

A range of shots rang across the house, glass shattering around them as they fell to the ground. Victor was covered by Luther as Diego pushed Allison to the ground and covered her, "WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?"

"HOW WOULD I KNOW?" Five yelled back, crawling away followed by his siblings.  

Scampering into the kitchen in the basement he looked at all of them, taking a head count. "Where's Y/N- SHIT" he was almost out the door when Luther gripped by the arm, "Are you out of your mind, you can't just go out like that-"

"I appreciate the concern Luther, but there is a civilian in danger, and WHICH ONE OF YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON US" he yelled at them, going to the kitchen cabinet and pulling out a briefcase, unzipping it. Spilling its contents out he tossed a gun to each one of them, stopping at Allison who sighed in return, "I know how to use a gun Five and no I did not do anything tonight."

"I know, I want you to get Y/N somewhere safe." he said as he loaded his gun and looked at the rest, "Klaus you're with Allison, the rest of you are with me, we'll split up after these two are out of the way- understood?"

"Got it."

Y/N was washing her face when the vibrations across the wall shook the mirror in front of her, hand instinctively going to her purse, Shit. Had they followed her here? Or were these people here for the Hargreeves, not that it mattered to her, at the moment the only person she could care about was Five. 

Kicking the door open she aims her gun, taking a quick glance before walking down the hallway, the gunshots had stopped, but she knew they were here. She was unsure of how many people there were, or how loaded they were. She was about to turn the corner when the gun was kicked out of her hand, a man in a mask pointed his own gun at her, only for her to snort and dodge his aim with ease. Fighting in tight hallways was always fun, especially if you were as athletic as her, bouncing off the opposite wall she landed a hard kick across his face, watching him grip his jaw in pain as she picked up his gun, "Cute." she giggled before aiming at him, shooting more than once, knowing this would get the attention of those nearby.  Just like that three more men came running down the corner yelling at her, honestly she didn't have time to process what they were saying, this was taking too long, and the longer it would take the more Five would be worried and the last thing she wanted was him to find out about her. "Okay, hahahaha, let's make this quick, yeah?" she asked, grabbing a baton off the body of the man on the floor as she ducked down when her assailant tried to punch her, kicking him in the shin and smacking him across the face with the baton. Giggling at the other two she groaned afterward, whacking the man's knee with the baton, taking the gun off his belt, and shooting the other one in the head, "HAHAHA I am so f****ed" she laughed hysterically, "He's going to dump me for sure- and IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT" pointing at the last man on the ground, her foot choking him. 

"You're *wheezes* the crazy lady who laughs alot"

"Yeah...heheh..noho- shit I need to stop laughing- GOD WHy'D you havE to show up hEre? Huh?" she yelled at him, pressing onto his neck harder, "HHAHAHA Oh MYGOD- I GAVE 20 YEARS TO THOSE A**HOLES AND THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T LET ME LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE pfff" to anyone watching, she looked insane, like a woman straight out of a DC movie (Harley Quinn, minus the red and blue hair colour, laughing and killing off men with ease). 

"They're coming for yo-"

*Bang*

"Oh f*** off...bloody bastard.* she tossed the gun aside, after shooting him in the head, turning around to yelp. Staring directly at her biggest fear, the man that she was very much ready to give everything up for. "F-Five...hahaha, what are you doing he-ehheeh here?" She asked, taking a step closer, only to stop when he pointed his gun at her. Expressions hardened, eyes cold and empty, she had never seen him like this- correction, he had never looked at her with this look. One filled with doubt and pain, with a hurtful pinch of disgust.

"Y-you're hurt." She whispered, raising her hands to show she was unarmed, eyes glued to his bleeding side.

"Well, my ego is a little bruised. I let you play me like a fiddle for over a year-'

"I wasn't playing anything Five-"

"BULL SHIT." He hissed, aiming right at her head, "That's why you went to Diegos's didn't you, and that day you didn't let me in your apartment, there was a body behind you, wasn't there? All this time. All this time with you and you've been lying to me? Who hired you?"

"No-" she whimpered, shaking her head as she lowered her hands, "I -I wasn't I swear- yes there was a body there and yes I went to check on Diego but-but it jahaha wasn't like that- pfffft- please Five, you have to believe me" she giggled, only to slap herself to stop. This is not how she wanted him to find out about her. "I- I'm sorry, okay! I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how- PLUS I'M SUPPOSED TO BE RETIRED- AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY EITHER, I FOunD oUT MYSELF AND-" she gasped covering her face with her hands and groaning.

"Who else knew?"

"W-what?"

"WHO ELSE KNEW?" His voice boomed across the hallways as if everyone else was completely silent- or just dead. 

"Klaus..." She whispered, staring at her feet, tears threatening to fall at any given moment. 

"Of course he did." the man hissed, before lowering his gun and looking around the hallway, "Leave."

"What?"

"Leave, it's over."

"N-no Five wait, please-"

"Five, wait, listen to me." Klaus cut her off, running up the hallway, honestly, he was supposed to come to her earlier, but Allison and he got caught up on the lower flower when they were circled by the enemy. Of course, he had known about Y/N, his job was to be Five's eyes, the family's guardian angel- so yes, he knew about her little secret, kept it safe until she was ready to tell his brother.

"Not a word out of you" he looked at Klaus then at her " and I didn't tell you because I thought I was keeping you safe- whatever." He said walking down the opposite direction, only to be stopped by her, she was gripping onto his hand as if her life depended on it, "Please" she whispered with a tear-stained face if he could just hear her out.

"Don't make this harder than it already is." With that he yanked his hand away, crossing Allison by the corner, glancing up at her with a, "Guess you got your share of entertainment." 

"What does that supposed to mean?" she yelled at the man who shrugged while walking away, before going to where Klaus was holding onto a sobbing Y/N. "What the hell happened Klaus? Y/N? Are you okay- oh shit, you really did a number on these people huh?" she sighed, looking around before turning to Klaus who looked at her with guilty eyes, mouthing, "I don't know what to do."

Two hours in, with everything a mess, Y/N was already out of the manor he stood by the fireplace, sighing at the burning sensation left by the scotch. He had told everyone to 'get lost'- even when Diego tried to argue with a 'just listen to her man' he responded with an 'I will shoot you, don't tempt me.' So here he stood now, on top of the rubble and the mess, somewhere between the shattered ornaments and glass, lay pieces of his heart, the heart that he had hidden away, oh so well- until she pulled it back out to the surface with her warmth.

"You know." Klaus entered the room, kicking a block of cement that must have fallen off a wall, "She really wasn't lying. She did retire."

"And you're telling me why?"

"Because I know you'll never ask her, block her out when she will tell you and choose to brood for the rest of your life."

"What d'ya want from me, Klaus?" He turned around staring at his brother who was sprawled on the dirty couch.

"To listen!! What did you expect? Five! God would somEhow juST SEND  ANGEl your way? No scratch that- you really thought someone normal, someone not like us would be a good match for you? Like dude, if she couldn't do what she did tonight, you'd be brooding here over her DEATH!"

"She LIED Klaus"

"Well no duh! Look at you! It took you three months to even admit you like her! And the worst thing is, you have HORRIBLE TIMING."

"And you know all this?" He asked to walk over to the one seater across from him, sitting there with his legs crossed.

"Listen okay, so the day you brought in the coffee right, I read that little note and I was like nahh gurrl, you don't wanna play with this man's balls-"

"Okay, we're done-"

"NONON wait" he stopped him from leaving, "I'll tell you properly okay? So, yes, what I meant was that a civilian should not be involved with our family, so I went to check her out the next morning. Meanwhile, I had told Ben to get intel on her, I won't lie, it wasn't easy to get information on her, but when we did, turned out she worked for the government for a very long time, she just took early retirement.  And that got me thinking, hey, maybe if Five does like her, it won't be such a bad thing cause she'll be able to put up a fight- if needed. Thing is, a day before she texted you that she was sick- I saw her snooping around our siblings, so after she left Diego's gym I approached her. She told me she was only suspicious that you were using her and the government had hired you to take her down- because word got around that she had retired and there had been incidents recently. I assured her that you were just weird and a little cray-cray in general but you liked her. So when you went to see her, and she didn't let you in, she was probably  being well- assaulted at that time, which is why she called me right after she sent you downstairs."

"Okay, seriously, this is the seventh guy this week Y/N"

"Klaus, just get rid of the body okay, Five took the bag with the bloody clothes, I PRAY he doesn't check it."

"So, we burying or burning-"

"Do whichever, I have to go talk to him"

"Alright, I'll bite your hideous cake, why didn't she tell me hmmm? We'd been together for three years now?"

"Well, Five, I think you should ask her that yourself, no?"

"F*** you."

"I love you too"

To say she wasn't losing her mind, would be an understatement. Her laughter-filled sobs echoed around the empty kitchen as she took out various pans and pots. Chopping stuff as she chuckled, only to whine in frustration- 

"You sound insane"

Instantly swinging the knife in the direction of the voice, the loud clang of it sticking tip first into the wooden kitchen door silenced the place. He opened the door slowly, peaking at her then turning his head to glance at the knife sticking into the door, 

"Nice aim, would've actually killed me."

"Five what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk to you, that is if you want to tell me the truth this time," he said glancing around at the mess, had she been baking this entire time, what the hell? Sure, it smelled great but at this point, he was unsure if she was just stressed or lowkey insane. 

"What do you hahhahhah- wanna know"

"Everything, from the start."

"Well, I was born, normal family, great and all you know." she said, chopping a giant block of chocolate in half, "Then one day, boom house is on fire, turns out we were just caught in the middle of a gang war- anyway, I survived, and let me tell you how kids are horrible bullies HAHAHA i mean heheh I know I have this laughing thing but hHAHHA hohohorible kids-"

"You're derailing."

"S-sorry. Anyway, at 10 I was approached by a lady who offered me a deal, a life of full luxury in return for my services- at first I thought she was a bad bad lady y'know, but turned out she was a government lady-"

"Even worse."

"I.KNow. anyway, 20 years into service, I finally retire, all's good until you pop up at night. And let's be honest, I thought you were here to kill me right." she pointed at him with the knife, "In the suit and all, but then you just wanted coffee and then I gave you coffee but for some reason, you just wouldn't get out of my head and-"

"Again, derailing love."

Slamming the knife down she glared at him, "NO. I'M NOT. BECAUSE THOSE F***ERS THINK WE'RE COLLUDING OR SOMETHING AND EVERY OTHER BAD GUY THINKS I'M AN EASY TARGET AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS BAKE AND MAKE MY COFFEE BREWS IN PEACE BUT NOOOOO IF I HAD TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A MAN, IT HAD TO BE YOU! FIVE F****ING HARGREEVES, THE SAME MAN WHO WAS LYING TO ME LIKE I WAS LYING TO HIM."

"....Are you?"

"Am I what Five?" she sighed.

"In love with me."

"No, I was baking an apology cake for my deceased parents- OFCOURSE  I AM" 

"You could've just brought me a coffee you know," he muttered, taking his coat off, rolling his sleeves up as he came and stood next to her. "What are you doing?" she asked, peering up at him confused. 

"Well, I'd like to help you bake, I don't really have any experience, but I can assist you." he smiled down at her, watching her let out a nervous giggle.

"So, I'm forgiven?"

"Was never really mad at you...was mad at myself for having such poor skills to not see the signs before."

"Yeah- you're preeeettty slow heheh"

"Okay, no need to test the water, hmm love? Anyway, this cake isn't for me anymore, I want to bake an apology cake for Allison?"

"Oh, why is that?"

As Five stared at Klaus, telling him to go to her, he shook his head, muttering a no. He was in no mood of going to see her right now, or ever again- fk everything man. That is until a third person joined them, "She wasn't lying you know, I'm an actress I can tell."

"Thank you for your expert opinion, sister mine, but I don't care."

"You know Five," she began, sitting down next to Klaus, "I don't you're mad at her, no, I think you're mad at yourself. The great Five Hargreeves, Reginald's favorite child was duped by a government agent for three years in a row. I bet, if tonight didn't happen, you still wouldn't have figured it out-"

"Allison" Klaus hissed, "you're not helping."

"Aren't I Klaus? I mean, we always have to cope with him, no? Make sure everyone meets his expectations, catch up with Five, and for once, someone out there actually outraces him and this little bitch can't handle it?"

Klaus looked at Five who was glaring at Allison who was merrily glaring back at him.

"What do you want Allison?"

"For you to accept the truth Five, I'll be gone by morning and won't see you until one of you die or gets married. But Y/N, well you won't see her ever after tonight if you don't go to her now."

"And that's why I came tonight- hard to say I can't stand her, but she was right." he shrugged, grabbing onto the pipe of frosting, staring at it as she took the cake out of the oven. "That's very sweet of her...twisted, but very sweet. She wasn't wrong though, I was just planning on leaving you the cake and disappearing." Placing it on the rack to cool down she side, wiping her hands with the apron, looked up at him staring at the baby blue frosting pipe.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused.

"I've known you for three years, yet, we've never used frosting."

"Not.in.my.kitchen."

"Upstairs?"

"....Hahaha- the cake needs an hour to cool down anyway" she wrestled with her apron, leaving the kitchen as he followed suit, throwing his apron somewhere in the process, going upstairs as they let the cake cool down.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A/N:

Okay, so this is a bit different from my usual writing, it's a different AU- please go easy sobs (I'm sick- yes im using that card)

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS LONG HAHAHAH - I WAS DONE WITH THIS THREE DAYS AGO- but everyone took away my electronics due to Covid. ANYWAY- @rpses I really really hope you like it. It's a bit different from my usual ones, as it's a different AU.

TUA Taglist: @imaginesfire , @placidpluto , @achingwoundforaheart , @esmaada , @samyourneighbor , @xuenihao , @whoreofscience , @navs-bhat , @yuuki4646 , @simpformoonkight , @crowleysqueenofhell ,@anapotatowriter @sibsteria , @ryugujitr , @imherefortea thank you, you lovely people for choosing to be part of my taglist ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚)

#five hargreeves #five x reader #five hargreaves x reader #five x y/n #five x you #ben hargreeves #diego hargreeves #tua x reader #klaus hargreeves #vanya #allison hargreeves #tua five #tua fandom #five fluff #fluff #angst #modern au #assassin au

[hccn-overseer]

Issue 20, 8/30/2023 - The Overseer

Issue Masterpost About the Overseer

Updates on the Incident

By Azure

Recently, there have been many developments in the Incident with DocM77, Grian and Scar. Here is all that has happened thus far:

Due to a prank Doc pulled on Grian and Mumbo, causing one of Mumbo's vault doors to be damaged, the latter joined forces with Grian and Scar, forming the Buttercups, as the flower is toxic to goats. Their headquarters was a hippie style campsite with a pet sniffer. Doc would later form an alliance with RenDog.

 Additionally, two individuals known as Poultry Man and HotGuy showed their support for Grian and Scar by putting thousands of chickens in the Perimeter. Doc would later push back by putting thousands of chickens in Grian’s base, and decorating Scarland with Dragon Eggs.

The Buttercups then began to make plans to get revenge, with Grian building a “Live Laugh Love” sign on the walls of the Perimeter, causing Doc to decorate Grian’s base with Dragon Eggs. Both parties began building robots in case a battle were to ensue, and Doc built flying TNT cannons shaped like butterflies. Pearl built a dragon out of the Dragon Eggs.

Ren and Doc ended up attempting to spy on a Buttercup meeting but were found out, causing the Bot Battle to take place. Doc won after the Buttercups’ Bot backfired and was unable to do substantial damage to Doc’s Bot. Ren and Doc then proceeded to activate the TNT cannons, and the Buttercups rushed to sabotage the machines. They were successful, with minimal damage caused.

Furthermore, Ren and Doc attempted to explode the Buttercups’ campsite, causing them to relocate into a new base located in a cherry tree. At this point, Grian made the decision to cover the Perimeter in grass, a feat requiring over two thousand blocks of grass and dirt. 

Many people have pointed out that the motivational quotes were set to play near the Perimeter, with phrases such as, “This is the Goat’s world, you just live in it,” and “To make our great goat leader proud, never forget to Grind, Optimize and Thrive.”

The process of covering the Perimeter took over twelve hours, as they decided to terraform the area in addition to covering it. They were able to recruit the help of Gem, Impulse, Etho, False, Joe Hills, and Iskall, making it one of the largest collaborative projects on the server in recent months.

The Perimeter now blends into the surrounding landscape, safe for the flagpole, aided by the terraforming and the added trees, supplied by Xisuma. Once their task was complete, the Buttercups disbanded, recognizing it as the climax to the Incident.

Doc has since uncovered the Perimeter, and is making plans to get revenge on the Buttercups and their accomplices.

Now onto other news under the cut!

This Week At The Overseer HQ: Interior Makeover and Volunteer Work

By Lydia

The Overseer Headquarters has recently undergone a new interior makeover, with brighter paints for the walls and a collection of retro-future style furniture in red, blue, green, yellow, orange, and purple for the sofas, chairs, tables, and lighting. The staff originally wanted to change the style of the office due to the Server’s players taking on a resurgence of a 1970s fashion trend, but had later revealed that the real reason for the makeover was simply a need for a more invigorating workspace. In order to renovate the inside of the office, a few of the staff members managed to land a spot on a television show on HGTV with a professional interior design team. They took the chance to imitate all of the clients they had previously seen on the show, with every small complaint being blown up to greater proportions for the sake of entertaining television. They also spent the majority of that time attempting to convince the beleaguered show staff to wait on them hand and foot with very little success.

After the television excursion, The Overseer staff has also been sending its members to perform volunteer work over the past several weeks. With the ongoing influx of new Citizens, a large portion of the staff members have been spending their daytime outside of the Newspaper Office at the Hermit Citizen Orientation Office. Our staff members have assisted the very small orientation team in printing Citizen I.D. cards, distributing maps of the Server, giving out Shulker boxes of starter supplies, assisting in customizing communication devices, and answering frequently asked questions about the Server’s customs and environment. These questions often cover rudimentary introductory questions, such as the status of keeping one’s inventory on upon death, the most populated biomes, an overview of the Server’s clubs and affiliations, whether the Server is welcoming or hostile towards hybrids, and whether the Citizen count is high enough to qualify as a village, town, or city. According to our staff, they have enjoyed all of the free catering of buffet breakfasts and an endless supply of donuts provided to all workers and volunteers of the Orientation Office. This is by far the most favorable perk of helping out. The worst part of the job is the paperwork, specifically because many new Citizens do not like to reveal their species to the office, and will often give a placeholder for the category. While this is understandable, it is very likely that the records show a significantly higher population of non-hybrid humans on the Server than there really are.

While this stint of volunteer work has been helpful to both new Citizens as well as the orientation services workers, the real reason that the staff of The Overseer has been present here is due to the requirement to perform 200 hours of community service, in addition to cleaning up the mess they had made in preparation for MCC. While Hermitcraft does not operate on having a department to handle misconduct and will not do so in the future, the majority of the shop owners in The Shopping District had come to the conclusion that The Overseer staff should compensate the Server for the disruptive and rampageous mess leading up to MCC. This had resulted in almost all of the shops in the district having their wares recklessly broken and workspaces cluttered and trashed. The Overseer staff had agreed to clean and volunteer on the condition that they all receive very high discounts at all of the shops that had been affected by the MCC carousing.

Due to the staff dividing their time doing administrative work outside of the office, the newspapers over the past few weeks have been noticeably thinner. Someone attempted to ask the rats to take over some of the articles for them to no avail, as the rats would rather spend their time ordering and eating pizza and playing cards with each other than fill in for the writers and editors of the newspaper. The cats, on the other hand, have been given automatic pet feeding bowls and water dispensers, as well as having a staff member come in every few days to clean their litter boxes. They have also figured out how to turn on the large printer in order to preserve their favorite sunning spot.

This month marks the fifth month that The Overseer has been an active organization, and next week, staff members state that they will be able to celebrate sitting at the “Big Kids Table” upon reaching their twenty-first issue. Our staff hopes that you have had a very entertaining and relaxing week and would like to thank everyone who has been supporting and reading the newspaper.

Affiliate Summaries

by Roo (Not Pearl)

GoodTimesWithScar: When not running a theme park, being a master door, or decreasing the local horse population from the skies (in disguise), Scar is well known to ordain horse marriages and divorces.

Grian: The realistic Mumbo has spread. Quick, become bird scientists.

Joe Hills: (McJoenalds) Joe Hills?

Pearlescentmoon: I hope I'm invited to Soup Group Saturday.

Weather Report

By Lydia

Temperatures are represented using Celsius. Sorry, Americans!

Wednesday: Temperatures will reach a high of 24 degrees and a low of 12 degrees. Skies will be stormy throughout the entire day and clear up during the early evening hours.

Thursday: Temperatures will reach a high of 40 degrees and a low of 31 degrees. Skies will be partly cloudy with high winds.

Friday: Temperatures will reach a high of 43 degrees and a low of 32 degrees. Skies will be clear throughout the day and evening.

Saturday: Temperatures will reach a high of 44 degrees and a low of 32 degrees. Skies will be mostly cloudy throughout the day but clear up during the afternoon.

Sunday: Temperatures will reach a high of 40 degrees and a low of 29 degrees. Skies will stay clear throughout the morning and become cloudy during the afternoon.

Monday: Temperatures will reach a high of 45 degrees and a low of 32 degrees. Skies will be clear throughout the entire day.

Tuesday: Temperatures will reach a high of 44 degrees and a low of 30 degrees. Skies will be rainy throughout most of the day.

Wednesday: Temperatures will reach a high of 42 degrees and a low of 28 degrees. Skies will be cloudy throughout the day with a high chance of scattered showers throughout the morning.

Astrology Corner: Haiku Scopes

By Corundumcat

Have you been feeling without guidance? Do you look at your birthday, look up your star sign, and wonder, “Will I feel like Haikuing?” “Am I going to embrace my inner Joe Hills?” Don’t worry, here at The Overseer, we can help you.*

Aries:

Single testament,  shall a relax, enjoy help in spite of the the

Taurus:

Freezing eventide then a ready, dry pen runs after the dolphin

Gemini:

Tedious fountain A mad, elephant sneers betrayed by the salt

Cancer:

Baking christmastide A british, cute lion stings into the turtle

Leo:

Semiarid leap A fallow, playful deer feeds under the giraffe

Virgo:

Ungroomed wintertime An old, keen crocodile flies in spite of the queen

Libra:

Snow-white aurora A little, fine biscuit feeds whilst watching the friend

Scorpio:

Covered eventide A big, intense shark waddles at the perfect salt

Sagittarius:

Glorious leaping An intimate, dry friend barks by the flamingo

Capricorn:

Wooded damp hillside A frightened, spruce rabbit looks in spite of the stone

Aquarius:

Breezy summertime A female, gorgeous deer stings enjoying the rat

Pisces: 

Magical winter A normal, loathsome rat sneers hippopotamus

All star signs:

Sandy dunes sand dunes A nocturnal dunes paddles at the perfect dunes

*Ignore how blatantly specific these are. Nothing bad will happen to you. 

Lost and Found

By Lydia

All of the following items have been brought to The Overseer staff’s office for safekeeping until they are claimed. If you recognize one of these items as yours, please visit us to receive your items, or contact us at [email protected]*. Lost items will be sent to Twinkly Trash if not picked up after two weeks. Thank you! *Not a real email address.

Item 1: A french horn This french horn was found outside of Joe Hills’ pinball machine and appears to have been there for quite a long time. It was found covered in table salt.

Item 2: A box of refrigerator magnets This box contains magnets depicting various postage stamps from different locations around Canada and South America in no particular order. They appear to be newly made and were found in a small wooden box painted to look like a sunset.

Item 3: A hobby horse This hobby horse is made entirely out of wood, with the head carved in the style of a chess knight. It was found several blocks away from Cub’s museum and has various numbers and letters written on it, presumably those of chess board tiles.

Item 4: A rubber band ball This rubber band ball is quite large, with a diameter of 5 inches. The rubber bands vary in size and color and appear to have been accumulated over several months.

Item 5: An apron that says, “World’s Worst Cook” While we cannot speculate on who would accurately fit its description, this newly made apron was found hanging up near the entrance to The Shopping District. It is white with bold, black lettering in Comic Sans font.

Item 6: A series of colorful tote bags These bags were found near Gem’s Elven Village and depict various types of fruit drawn in a cartoon style over pastel backgrounds. They appear to be made only about a week and a half ago.

Item 7: Two Lime Shulker Boxes The first box contains dragon eggs painted to resemble dragon fruits. The second box contains several realistic cakes created and decorated in the style of life-sized dragon eggs. They are made in the flavor red velvet and vanilla ice cream. Both of their respective items are very nicely detailed.

Note: Lost items will be sent to Twinkly Trash Trade if not picked up after two weeks

Fun and Games

This week's fun and games are brought to you once again by Lydia and Azure!

Word Search and Crossword by Lydia

Brain Teasers by Azure

And that's all for this week! Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful week!

#hermitcitizen #issue #hccn affilate happenings #hccn weather #hccn astrology corner #hccn lost and found #hccn fun and games

[teecupangel]

Probably a weird idea, but it popped into mind while trying to sleep. A modern Altair/Ezio prompt where Altair is a veterinarian, ezio is a cop, and Desmond is Ezio's canine partner who, after being wounded and treated by Altair, sets out to hook Altair and ezio up because he is tired of Ezio's recent string of bad relationships. Yes, Desmond is sentient, and no, no one else knows about it. Malik and kadar are vet techs at Altair's clinic. And Connor is in there somewhere. A dogwalker, maybe?

I don’t think it’s a weird idea but, then again, I have a very high tolerance to things that many would call weird so (shrug).

Anyway, may I suggest the following:

For drama, Abbas is definitely Altaïr’s ex and their breakup was so bad that Altaïr transferred to a different course altogether, becoming a vet while Abbas is maybe a doctor in internal medicine or maybe a surgeon. They had a cat together called Adha that Altaïr smuggled out when they broke up. She a real prima donna.

Desmond is supposed to be a sniffer dog and he’s really good at it because, surprise, he’s a cheater who uses Eagle Vision instead of actually sniffing stuff.

Desmond becomes Ezio’s partner after an incident with another dog named Cross. He likes this better anyway since Ezio shares all of his food with him which is nice. Also, Ezio takes him to his home where Desmond notices he’s living alone and his only friend outside the precinct is his best friend who is a well-known artist currently touring various museums so their days off the force are couch days with Chinese takeout because there is no way Ezio was ever going to order pizzas.

Desmond also has to watch Ezio have bad breakups like his longtime girlfriend who he broke up with because her father didn’t approve of Ezio, and some woman who turned out to actually be married but Ezio didn’t know that and the woman insisted that she hated her husband which really didn’t help, a guy who was super-super close with his sister who had the hots for Ezio too and… uuuhh… Desmond would like to end it there for the sake of his sanity.

It would be fun if Ratonhnhaké:ton is Ezio’s partner in the force and he’s the one who gives the best belly rubs according to Desmond. He also acts like Ezio’s younger brother and Desmond is also trying to get them to be actual friends too.

Maria is one of Altaïr’s regular who has a Sphynx cat named Robert that likes to bite and scratch Altaïr.

Altaïr’s grandfather, Rashid, doesn’t approve of his job as he wanted him to be a ‘real doctor’. While it’s true that Altaïr had transferred to veterinary medicine because of Abbas, he actually wanted to be a vet ever since he was young. He just never told Rashid because he knew his grandfather wouldn’t approve.

Kadar is absolutely on board with hooking up Altaïr to the hot dog owner. Malik just wants to work in peace.

Desmond is sure Adha the cat isn’t as aware as him but holy shit does she always have to look at everything he does with such a judgmental expression on her furry face???

#i’m more of a desmond x everyone shipper but i’m game with talking about any other pairings #as long as you guys understand that i will find a way for desmond to have some love #even if it’s platonic #i guess i should tag this as #altezi #is that what their pairing called? #ask and answer

[em0sket]

big long horror post incoming

i worte a short horror story punctuation isnt great but whatever

insipered by tma

tw death body horror

Mr meechum:Well you got me here now what you want the full story from the top or just the incident?

documenter:Well we do what we can to try and provide a documented account of all sides of history and it gets recorded and filed in the records always best to hear everything first hand plus i'd hate for anything to slip through the cracks be twisted by the media that sort of thing of course i know its not completely 100% possible but i like to do what i can to preserve people's story from their perspective give me a second to make the official notation so tell me mr meechum what happened in the intendium labs in  september 1969

Mr meechum: firstly i know people think “scientist” is an impressive title but we didnt have breakthroughs every day not in my department anyway i was an overseer in the categorising department that meant anything and everything that was handed over by the public to the labs was sorted through by us anything seemingly dangerous usually some cheap old crap glow in the dark vases and plates suspected to be radioactive which we would test and store appropriately had a couple of suspected evidence of communist invasion which was mainly scraps of paper in code or unusual bullets one time a copy of the communist manifesto never led to anything but it had to be processed just in case said the higher ups and i wasnt going to argue  we used to get alot of weird looking stones people told us were moonrocks usually just hagstones or naturally occurring geodes but of course with the moon landing a couple months before, the paranoia of bored housewives and a couple of doped up drifters made for a drastic influx of “moonrocks” or apparent proof of alien life in my lab over the last couple of months. pretty much all of them were hoaxes or deluded fantasies but there was one that made me move to my desk job .

one of the guys brought it in scott was his name scott hawthorne but we all called him sniffer because on his first week he found three different radioactive objects without the geiger counter apparently to him they all had a distinct smell to them whatever that meant but he was right about 8/10 times so when he brought in this unassuming rock and made a big fuss over it we all joked that sniffer had gone nose blind, but he was captivated by this thing absolutely entranced he wouldn't let go of it and could tell when someone had touched it which he was right about but we could never figure out how he knew he had made it his personal project using his breaks to study it he weighed and measured and examined it was about the size of a football with a light sandy grey exterior but perfectly spherical like it had been specifically carved to look that way we all thought it was just a chisled rock he was obsessing over  for some reason ,thought he would get bored of it myself included. Ive never regretted my ignorance more because after the first week everyone in the lab been… feeling itchy ,i guess, sort of uncomfortable. There was an underlying feeling of unrest people couldnt focus it was always something, the room was too quiet, too hot, too prickly something in the air just made the guys skin crawl a sort of squirming unease began to creep under my coworkers very flesh like something was undulating under their tissue poking around burrowing. This of course whilst mildly unnerving, was more of a health concern than anything if something in the lab was making people sick it was my duty as their manager to write to head office. Which sent me to the medical team so they came around and did their checks and everyone was fine ,physically the lab was monitored and swabbed everything was normal apart from scott, he was the worst out of everyone.

He had what seemed to be a rash on the back of his neck,they checked it and it seemed to be just that they passed it off as bad laundry detergent and went on with their day and i didnt want to be causing ruckus and being pedantic so i went about my work. scott however became more and more irritated kept scratching himself adjusting his tie and began to get agitated when any coworkers tried to chat with him instinctively reaching for this rock every time they did .i got sick of his attitude one day so i suggested he take the day off and honest to god he nearly swung at me  before stopping himself and then he refused to leave eventually i had to get security in who then had to physically drag him out of the workspace along with the usual cursing he started literally spitting and hissing basically frothing at the mouth other than the paperwork this was going to require i clearly needed to have a look at that rock he was studying, test it for anything addictive or harmful something we missed. the guys in the lab obviously knew that now scott was gone someone was going to have to investigate the stone and if i didnt do it someone else would, probably with less caution, care and sense

so at lunch break i made it an event since everyone was so keen to know what was up with it. so i looked over scotts notes;his examinations of the mineral i- it didnt make any sense it was quite literally impossible it measured about 60cm across in all directions give or take a few mm and get this completely weightless completely! i checked myself first i covered it in a fire blanket with my coworkers watching  because if this thing had powered meth that sniffer had been well sniffing on it or god knows what else i didnt want to risk touching it.  Then i put it on a scale but it was right it was  hardly a fraction of a gram but the weight of it felt like a bowling ball i checked on different scales multiple times it all came out the same it wasnt physically possible so i swabbed it and ran the tests with 20 eyes watching my every movement it came out to nothing. regular old granite. Im normally pretty level headed but for some reason this enraged me this stupid all encompassing pebble had for some reason turned a good drinking buddy into a neurotic mess and was eating away at his life and sanity slowly consuming his mind and the weeks of irritation and frustration at the unrest of my skin after this inane piece of granite entered my life and workspace I dont know what came over me exactly but i had to get rid of it. it just had to go. I struck it on the tiled floor and it cracked. one crack. down the centre. about a fingers width apart and everyone was waiting for my next move  so i ducttaped my lab coat and two pairs of vinyl gloves closed around the wrist completely sealed just in case.

i looked over at the spot it fell when a keen and sure  sense of dread awoke within me id never been so deeply instinctualy fearful like that before some primal part of my brain screaming bloody murder that i needed to get out now the same as  how i imagine a fish feels when it sinks its jaw into the hook. But i mean what else was i going to do let it continue ruining lives? So i swallowed my fear and strode over all eyes on me the impossible hunk of earth at my fee.t i wedged one finger in between the ridges of its crack held the base of the infernal sphere and pried it open. the rock was spongy and sulphur yellow with a smell of utter decay a groan came from my audience of staff and my hands sank through the geode at first contact it had the look of  a rotted mattress and the feel of raw sausages my hand shot back  as i processed the texture in my mind and gazed at the honey combed innards that looked like something had buried through it like the remains of a parasite that had dug its way through the structure of the rock infinite amounts making little homes for itself repeatedly squirming and writhing its way through something stronger than itself im glad i moved my hand when i did because it started to pulse looking like it was ejecting something from itself sort of like a cat hacking up a furball

all those tiny divots and passage ways convusled and shuddered out  long thin flailing tendrils it looked like it had coated itself with a blue mucus possibly a toxin im not sure but they didnt stop i never saw the end of them it just kept reeling out of its honeycomb shell endless worming tubes of muscle they flopped onto the white tiled floor leaving trails of foul smelling hot ooze behind it and started hunting for something to attatch itself to. moving at an alarming pace  each tentacle flattening itself onto the ground as wide as it could possibly to feel what was in the area .what it could devour. i dont think it had any eyes just meteres and meteres of viscous curling feelers everyone took a step back apart from one of the lab guys poor harry poor dear sweet stupid harry had his shoelaces untied we used to laugh at him for it you know said it wouldnt hurt him to give it a go and tie the damn things once in a while but as he lurched backwards the vile things clamped onto them and wouldnt let go by the time he realised they had gotten over his socks and onto his bare legs. digging.

There was a moment of pure panic and stillness when we all watched. until he started screaming, then we burst into action ,we started looking for something to help maybe a fire extinguisher or another gas that would subdue it  better yet kill it but the fool tried to crush it harry fell to his knees onto his shins in an effort to beat the thing into a pulp which in turn let the creature find his knees and climb its way up his torso onto his face where it promptly found the eye and started to burrow. chewing through the poor sod boring a new home in his skull and ill never forget the god awful sound , like meat ripping wet and visceral and it  left a trail of purple on his face as the blood from his retinas mixed with the things mucus then when his screaming stopped we all watched the tentacles crawl out of his mouth having  bored through most of the face hitting the ground with a meaty slap but no one moved  most were just as far away as they could get from the carnivorous eels mostly climbing on cabinets in an effort to not touch the ground i when the things again started flattening themselves to search once again this time with a larger diameter than before presumably because of it last meal 

god knows what i did was cowardly i was a person of interest for 10 years for christs sake i had to get out of it by to claiming “mental unrest” but i saw the broom cupboard and hid i had the key so i hid i didnt know what else to do i mean they dont train you for this it was just sheer panic fight or flight  but i dont forget those screams i dont forget the ripping of flesh i dont forget the people i once knew and their hollowed out skull i dont forget the smell of blood and sulfur that plays back on my senses even now thats what people dont get ive been stuck on that day for the last 53 yearsit got on the sunday times front page after that i  got spat at in the street and jeered at on the way to court then thats it shows over everyone goes home and i have to live with it  i cant go to support groups because people have heard of me the broken families i caused the psych evals every year did you know henrys daughter at the age of three asked me at the funeral why i killed her daddy? it’s taken me years to be able to shift myself into a semi normal life but yeah i suppose thats it the whole bloody story  

documenter: thank you that was... fufilling -exits

#short story #horror #sketspeaks

[conundrumish]

alternate universe where the detective inspectors of the yard are supernaturals tasked with safeguarding the “veil” aka hiding the existence of the supernatural & paranormal. they also investigate murders done by supernatural means.

wow, i used that word thrice. more details underneath the cut.

Lucy Baker is a fresh recruit of New Scotland Yard, barely passing the exam by the skin of her knee. She is not only a newbie, but one of the only three humans at the Yard that’s allowed to peek underneath the veil and keep their society’s little secret. She makes the usual mistakes of assuming supernaturals are exactly how they’re portrayed in fantasy and horror films, but gets along swimmingly with her other co-workers and uplifts morale by simply existing. 

Alfendi Layton is a vampire forever stuck at twenty-five after the Forebodium Castle Incident. Instead of feeding on blood like fictional vampires, he’s absorbing people’s willpower as it’s his main diet - consuming their mental strength, allowing him to easily make his suspects give up on their false alibis and confess. How did he become a vampire? Well, there’s a certain magic called a curse...

Blaine Dartwright’s the other human at the Yard and the youngest detective inspector to be hired there - he’s utterly proud of his accomplishment, boasting about it to his co-workers. A lot of people see him as an annoying, stuck-up asshole to where he’s gained the nickname of ‘Bratwright.’ Sometime later in the storyline, Blaine’s bitten by a lycanthrope and it’s a slow, painful process when you’re infected with a rare strain of the Furry Disease. His real name is Locke Picard and, yes, he comes from a supernatural-hunting crime family.

Florence Sich is an imperfect homunculus - an artificial human created by alchemy - prone to catching disease and incubating them. She has a tendency to rely on the typical human things, while having the usual human weaknesses. Florence barely has the strength to stand up and has an IV drip, but it doesn’t mean Florence can’t perform her thaumaturgical forensics without alchemy. No, Florence isn’t tiny enough to fit in a jar. She’d shove you into a locker.

Dustin Scowers is a magician specializing in the art of cleaning things, he’s the cool janitor that everyone likes - he doesn’t fly on broomsticks or anything like that. He understands thaumaturgy as a magic, lending a hand to sweeping crime scenes of anything that’d destroy the Veil or in general, allow humanity to learn the supernatural are not fiction. 

“Sniffer” Hague is a psychic, he’s human - has an enhanced sense of smell that allows him to predict future events based on scent alone. Unfortunately, Sniffer doesn’t have any seer-related talents that allow him to make accurate predictions. He simply lists off the specific, unnatural aromas in the air and notes that ‘something might happen.’ He’s the junior detective that hangs around Blaine and already knows of his real identity.

Justin Lawson has the bulk, but he’s not a lycanthrope. He’s the third human at the Yard, working underneath the Serious Crimes Investigation Team that is a hidden supernatural hunter. Justin was Alfendi’s partner and ‘friend’, deciding to have Keelan curse Alfendi with vampirism and then shoot his murderer bestie dead. He’s notorious for his traitor streak, apparently having a history of doing this in the past that’s kept relatively hush-hush. As in, Justin’s the only one keeping the secret and he’s great at it.

Hilda Pertinax is another magician whose specialization lies in conjuration, meaning that she has several familiars that are, also, demons. She studied her arts at Scholomance, following Solomon’s magics and utilizes it to her best abilities for investigations. When she was promoted to work for Interpol, Hilda hadn’t remained in contact with Alfendi ever since the Forbodium Incident and they were both ex-lovers.

Keelan & Diane Makepeace are Fair Folk whose home resides in the Otherworld, but they’re not the Good Neighbors - they’re Unseelie. Rather than Justin leaving jigsaw puzzles behind on Keelan’s crime scenes, he left a mushroom and Keelan’s serial killings are known as the Spore-Dressed Killings (might need to come up with a better name later). Everything Keelan did for Justin as a ‘favor’ is returned in kind with him allowing Keelan to remain undetected for several years. Eventually, Keelan dies by Justin shooting him with a cold iron bullet and drifts the blame to Alfendi.

Diane is Keelan’s daughter, though, she’s a Fetch that shapeshifts into her victim’s appearances and acts as a doppelganger. Seeing a Fetch is a bad omen, usually leading to death. Except, Diane chooses to take the appearance of someone before killing them. She’s cute and gothic, but allowing her to fool you means Diane can toy with you all she’d like. 

#txt #layton brothers mystery room #professor layton #save for later #why yes i put the backstories i made for alfendi and blaine into everything i make #supernatural au

[crastle]

if the sniffer doesnt win this mob vote theres going to be an incident.

#snacks.txt

[literaticat]

I feel that my nonfiction writing is far stronger than my fiction writing. If I’m starting out with really no platform to speak of today, what is a list of things you would suggest I do to be on the pathway to publication with a nonfiction title?

First, idk if you are writing kids or adult nonfiction -- so I'm gonna just ASSUME you are talking kids books. Building a "platform" is not an overnight thing -- and you don't HAVE TO have a huge audience when you are just getting started (though sure, it's great if you do) -- but there are definitely ways you can set yourself up for success.

First, I'd listen to this episode of my podcast with Jess Keating. She has great thoughts on platform development, etc. Unfortunately I can no longer find her extremely helpful old blog posts on the topic, but she does talk about stuff on the podcast if I recall correctly!

https://www.jenniferlaughran.com/literaticast/episode-8-be-careful-what-you-tell-yourself-with-guest-author-jess-keating

I'd figure out what qualifies you as knowledgeable on the non-fiction topics you are handling, and lean into that. For example: Let's say, like Jess, you are a zoologist, and you are writing kids nonfiction about animals. Well, a helpful thing might be to talk about ANIMALS on your social media (in addition to talking about kids books generally) share books and resources you find informative, fun & weird facts, animal vids, etc. You know about animals, right? Being that you are writing books about them? So TALK about them! Follow teachers and librarians and animal educators, etc, and develop relationships with them. Have conversations.

Pitch articles to relevant magazines and news outlets if that is your thing, or do a podcast about your niche. Whatever - there are no RULES per se, just figure out ways to share your passion about Weird Animals (or whatever it is).

And then when you have an actual book, those people that you've befriended will be like "oh, that funny Animal Person has a new book about Weird Penguins -- she knows all about weird animal things and is a delight, LET'S BUY THE BOOK!"

Another example (from the adult NF world): I started following Blair Braverman on twitter because she has cute dogs, and highly interesting and fun-to-read stories about dogsledding to share. That's cool. She's an expert about dog-sledding, and also adventurer-life stuff, survival in the arctic, etc etc. Since I started following her, I've gotten great tips from her about how to dress for sub-zero weather, I've read articles by her in the NYT and other places, I've also heard her on a fascinating podcast about the Dyatlov Pass incident, and now she has a novel coming out about survivalists on a reality show and I'm ALL IN with her fiction, nonfiction, or *whatever* she writes, because she's fun to read and has an expertise that shines very clearly. . . even though I have never and will never go within a thousand miles of a dog-sled!

Another example: My client Nancy Castaldo is an environmental educator and writer, and pretty much her books have something to do with that -- whether it's a picture book about a year on the life of a farm, or a YA nonfiction about the water crisis, or MG nonfiction about endangered animals brought from the brink of extinction, or whatever. So on her social media, she shares things that are important to her (like things about justice for kids, kids books, etc) -- but she also shares things to do with her books -- endangered animal rescue stories, water crisis stories, sniffer dog stories, etc. And she does classroom/school visits and talks to all kinds of kids about this stuff, too.

Basically what all these people have in common is, they found their "thing" and they positioned themselves as a resource about it, talked about it, taught about it, wrote about it -- and when they had books, that further cemented their position as a resource about it -- and all of that builds, right?

[hunters-house]

Meet the Team (and Button.)

Cas

Full Name: Casper Updog Cade

Alias: The Cascade, Cas, Sugar Glider, Clouded-Eyes

Height: 5’8”

Weight: 175 lbs.

Romantic Alignment: Demi/Panromantic (Men, Women, Non-Binary)

Sexual Alignment: Pansexual (Men, Women, Non-Binary)

Gender Alignment: Cisgender Male (He/Him)

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good

Personality: Bombastic, sarcastic, smug son of a gun. Ex-supervillain, and it shows.

Hair: Short black hair side-swept and undercut, clean shaven on face

Skin: Olive, sometimes a little ashy, no freckle

Eyes: Milky White, covered in a film

Clothing: Brown long coat, gas mask, bronze goggles, dark brown khakis, welder's gloves, forest green sweater

Notable Features: Bat-Symbol-shaped scar over eyes.

Notes: Casper suffers from migraines due to implants in his head that allow him to see.

Possible Weaknesses: Removal of Medical Implants, Fear Toxin

Mac

Full Name: Mackenzie Jovi Thorns

Alias: Mac, The Five-Fingered-Freak, The Black Rose, Picks-at-Thorns

Height: 5’10”

Weight: 187 lbs.  

Romantic Alignment: Homoromantic (Women)

Sexual Alignment: Homosexual (Women)

Gender Alignment: Genderfluid (She/Her, They/Them)

Moral Alignment: Lawful Good

Personality: Warm and caring, but also very determined. She will make you better if it kills the both of you.

Hair: Shoulder length hair in a top knot, dyed red.

Skin: Asian skin tone, no notable freckles or other natural marks

Eyes: Amber gold

Clothing: Long white capri pants, deck shoes, t-shirt of various colors (usually flowers.)

Notable Features: Lighting strike scars on hands, minor laceration scars on face

Notes: Due to her combat history when working as a medic, and possibly before even then, Mac suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Proximity to sources of extreme heat and being restrained trigger panic attacks and/or flashbacks. She is also skilled in botany. Combat history includes work in secret military project know as  Project: C██d██.  

Possible Weaknesses: Heat and Rope Restraints

Zed

Full Name: James Charles-May-Son

Alias: Niner-Zed, Zed, The Living Shadow, Olun Kingang, Baron Zulus Ua Versa of Plentygreen

Height: 6’2”

Weight: 212 lbs.

Romantic Alignment: Omniromantic (Any Legally Consenting Partner)

Sexual Alignment: Asexual (Sex-Repulsed)

Gender Alignment: Cisgender Male

Moral Alignment: Neutral Good

Personality: An iceberg of a guy. He's very cold to strangers, but loving to his friends. In short, he leaves nothing in half-measures, when it comes to both hostility and kindness.

Hair: Short black kink hair in a military buzz cut

Skin: Dark skin, blemishes on neck

Eyes: Soft grey eyes

Clothing: Black military clothing, combat boots.

Notable Features: prosthetic right leg.

Notes: Zed can render himself completely invisible to any sapient viewer. He also suffers from phantom pains in his right leg. He is also suspected of murdering several Imperial officers involved in Project: C██d██.  

Possible Weaknesses: Removal of Prosthesis, Use of Sniffer Dogs

Avoir Hedtlet

Full Name: Avoir Hedtlet

Alias: Avoir, Master Hedtlet, General Hedtlet, The Worst (Only by Casper Cade)

Height: 6’0”

Weight: 181 lbs

Romantic Alignment: Aromantic

Sexual Alignment: Asexual

Gender Alignment: Cisgender Male (He/Him)

Moral Alignment: True Neutral, leaning towards neutral good

Hair: White hair, tied back

Skin: Off-white skin, with some scars from various injuries

Eyes: White, giving the illusion of no irises.

Clothing: Brown Jedi robes

Notable Features: Missing eye replaced with cybernetic equivalent of T'Kal design, with implanted [REDACTED], and partial replacement of jaw due to land mine incident while stationed on Ob'Dego, scattered scars on opposite side of face from lightsaber injury

Notes: On all official records, Hedtlet is to be listed as having died approximately 19 BBY. Any records of the order of Force-Wielders known as the Knights of the Twilight Meridian are to be burned, erased, or otherwise destroyed upon final use.

Possible Weaknesses: Kyber rounds, electromagnetic pulse to face, removal of [REDACTED] in cybernetic eye.

Button

Full Name:   █████  ██████  ██████  

Alias: Button, Mr. Button

Height: 5′11″

Weight: 192 lbs

Romantic Alignment: Biromantic

Sexual Alignment: Bisexual

Gender Alignment: Questioning (They/Them)

Moral Alignment: Hopefully Neutral Good

Personality: Smooth-talking huckster. Always seems to know things I shouldn't.

Hair: Blond neck-length hair styled in a pompadour

Skin: Tanned skin, some freckles on cheeks.

Eyes: Steel grey

Clothing: Blue pinstripe suit, white shirt, orange necktie.

Notable Features: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Notes: Button (that's me) is the handler of Casper, Mac, Zed, and Nikolaos. I give them their bounty jobs, communicate with clients, and fill out the paperwork after a job well done. Also, if the job isn't well done, I make sure their heads remain attached to their necks.

Possible Weaknesses: Don't bother. You'll never catch me, and if you do, no you didn't.

#Welcome Basket (About) #Blind Edgelord (Casper Cade) #Invisible Man (Niner Zed) #Furry (Mac Thorns) #Handler (Button) #Biomechanical Menace (Avoir Hedtlet)

[dencyemily]

Security Breach Alert: $4.20 Million Drained in Ethereum Scam Exploiting CREATE2

A recent major phishing attack on the Ethereum blockchain exploited the CREATE2 opcode, leading to a substantial loss of $4.20 million in aEthWETH and aEthUNI. Scam Sniffer's 2023 report highlights the growing threat of crypto phishing scams, with attackers leveraging sophisticated methods, including the manipulation of contract addresses through the CREATE2 exploit.

The victim, identified by the wallet address 0x1749, fell prey to the scam, unknowingly signing multiple ERC20 Permit signatures. These signatures granted unauthorized access to scammers operating under addresses 0x00003 and 0xf6. The incident was promptly reported by Scam Sniffer on January 22, underscoring the urgency of addressing vulnerabilities and enhancing security measures in the crypto space.

#Ethereum #CREATE2 #Scam Sniffer #2023 report #crypto scams #airdrop #non-fungible token (NFT) #Cryptotale

[businessnewsupdates]

Tragic Poonch Terror Attack Unfolds: Security Forces Launch Extensive Operation

In a targeted assault on Thursday, terrorists struck in Jammu and Kashmir's Poonch, claiming the lives of four Indian Army soldiers and leaving at least three others injured. The aftermath has seen a relentless pursuit by security forces, who have now implemented a clampdown on mobile internet services in the Rajouri and Poonch districts.

The operation, marked by increased aerial surveillance and intensified ground combing, is focusing particularly on the forest area of Dera ki Gali in the Rajouri sector of Poonch district. Officials have enlisted the aid of sniffer dogs in their efforts to track down the assailants responsible for ambushing two army vehicles.

The People's Anti-Fascist Front (PAFF) has claimed responsibility for the attack, sharing images on social media that highlight the use of sophisticated US-made M4 carbine assault rifles. Developed in the 1980s, the M4 carbine serves as the primary infantry weapon for the US Armed Forces and has been adopted by over 80 countries worldwide.

According to sources, the terrorists strategically chose the Dhatyar Morh location in Poonch due to a blind curve and bumpy road, causing army vehicles to slow down. Positioned atop a hill between Dhera Ki Gali and Bufliaz, the attackers fired upon the vehicles at this vulnerable point.

The tragedy has a personal dimension with the loss of Rifleman Gautam Kumar, who had just returned to duty from leave on December 16. Scheduled to be married on March 11, 2024, Gautam's family received the devastating news of his death on Thursday night. His elder brother, Rahul Kumar, expressed the family's deep sorrow as they mourn the untimely loss of the young soldier.

Opposition leaders have strongly condemned the Poonch terror attack, criticizing the central government's handling of security issues. Sanjay Raut, the outspoken MP from Shiv Sena (UBT), drew parallels between this incident and the 2019 Pulwama attack, emphasizing concerns over national security.

In response to the situation, Jammu and Kashmir Lieutenant Governor Manoj Sinha asserted on Friday that the security situation in the Valley is comparatively better than that of West Bengal. Addressing an event in Kolkata, Sinha urged people to visit the state and witness the notable difference in security conditions.

#PoonchAttack #SecurityForces #JammuAndKashmir

[phoenixmaiden-gaming]

Penumbra part 3

I finished cleaning up the final hallway, which led back to the main room with the floor monster. Since I had found all the bodies I did the Worker Reports, and I went around with the sniffer tool to find any missed spots. Turned out I had missed a body behind a shipping container in the main room where the floor monster was. There were some more missed parts around the floor monster and I was cleaning up around it when I slipped in and it ate me. Oops. The level restarted and I had to now go back and clean up my former body that was in pieces around on the floor. Once I was sure I was done, I completed the level and returned to the office. I got Exceptional on my review and got Employee of the Month again. Yay! I took a look at the Incident Report said that I got 154%. Nice!!

#phoenix be gaming #gaming #gameplay #video games #games #gamer #gamer girl #gamer fun #game #entertainment #playthrough #gamer life #viscera cleanup detail #PC Games #Steam Games #nothing is queue everything is permitted

[ailtrahq]

According to Cybersecurity watchdog Scam Sniffer, $24.23 million worth of stETH and rETH tokens were lost in a phishing attack that occurred just eight hours ago.The victim inadvertently granted token approvals to the scammer by signing "increaseAllowance" transactions.For those unfamiliar with the terminology, "increaseAllowance" is a type of transaction that grants permission to move a certain amount of cryptocurrency.Tracking stolen fundsThe scammer's addresses have been linked to multiple Crypto phishing sites. Crypto phishing is a type of cyber attack where scammers trick individuals into revealing sensitive Information, such as private keys or login credentials, by posing as trustworthy entities.Typically, the attacker will use fake websites, emails or social media accounts that closely resemble legitimate cryptocurrency platforms or services.Some of the stolen funds were transferred to FixedFloat, a cryptocurrency exchange service, while the majority remained in three separate addresses.This underscores the ease with which scammers can move large sums of money across the Crypto ecosystem, often bypassing existing Security protocols. However, it is worth noting that the Crypto community has been proactive in tracking the movement of these funds, with platforms like MistTrack providing Real-time Updates.Exercising cautionThe Crypto industry has made significant strides in Security and regulation, but incidents like these serve as a sobering reminder of the Risks involved. Investors and traders are advised to exercise extreme caution, especially when approving transactions or interacting with unfamiliar platforms.A report released on June 30 by Web3 Security company Beosin reveals that the first half of 2023 saw a staggering $656 million in cryptocurrencies lost to scams, hacks and rug pulls.

[crynotifier]

Infernal Drainer Steals 13 NFTs from Blur Marketplace - Crynotifier

Infernal Drainer Steals 13 NFTs from Blur Marketplace - Crynotifier

In a relentless series of attacks targeting the NFT community, the crypto phishing service provider known as Infernal Drainer has once again made headlines. On August 17, 2023, the entity stole thirteen NFTs from the Blur NFT marketplace, marking yet another alarming incident in the crypto space.

The Attack

The theft was confirmed by PeckShield, a renowned blockchain security company that monitors the security, privacy, and usability of the blockchain ecosystem. The stolen NFT collections include notable digital assets such as Cool Cat #9951, Ordinal Kubz #1785, Cool Pets #9951, Beanz #18726, Kubz #2532, Kubz #7556, ProjectPXN #1020, and several Shadow Wolves NFT Collections.

This is not the first time Infernal Drainer has targeted crypto investors. Just two months ago, in June, the entity stole six non-fungible tokens from the OpenSea NFT marketplace.

Who is Infernal Drainer?

Infernal Drainer is a new and malicious phishing scam service provider that specifically targets popular crypto projects across major blockchains. Linked to thousands of scams, the entity has been responsible for the theft of several million dollars.

The security firm Scam Sniffer has identified 4,888 victims who collectively lost over $5.9 million in crypto and NFTs. Infernal Drainer charges 20% to 30% of the stolen assets in exchange for their malicious software, which is then used to create fraudulent websites. Since March 27, more than 700 phishing websites have been created by Infernal Drainer.

Conclusion

The repeated attacks by Infernal Drainer underscore the growing concerns over security in the NFT and crypto space. The incident serves as a stark reminder of the importance of vigilance and robust security measures to protect digital assets.

As the popularity of NFTs and cryptocurrencies continues to rise, so does the risk of scams and thefts. The recent attack by Infernal Drainer is a clear indication that individuals and organizations must prioritize security and remain vigilant against potential threats.

The Information contained in or provided from or through this website is not intended to be and does not constitute financial advice, investment advice, trading advice, or any other advice.

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