#the second half of this episode is insane so let's just take a moment for macs button up under the sweater

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 8.9 K Warnings: ANGST w/ comfort (but also not?) Prompt: It was nice to be in Remus' arms, but now it's time to face the real world. Will you be able to do it? This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Proofread by lovely: @aremuslupinsimp

Disclaimer: Vixen’s coping mechanisms are not healthy, please go to therapy and actually process your feelings instead <3

Chapter 47: Let Me Take You Home Tonight

You walked alongside Remus through the tunnel. The floor was cold against your bare feet, and the more you walked, the more you could feel the pain caused by the blisters in your soles. You wondered for a moment if that’s what ballerinas felt after wearing pointe shoes. 

Remus kept throwing glances at you as you walked, you thought you were good at hiding it, but he could hear your jaw clenching and your ragged breath as you moved, sometimes cutting short from stepping on something sharp. 

“Do you want to take my shoes?” he asked you. 

“What?” you asked confused as you turned to him. “No, I’m–” you wanted to say fine, you weren’t sure you could make it sound believable, “It’ll be better once Pomfrey gets a look, I’m sure.” 

“But until then, you’d be in pain.”

You sighed, “You know fae don’t normally wear shoes.” 

“You’re only a quarter fae,” he responded. “And they live in the woods, and fly.”  

You huffed in response to that, he wasn’t wrong. But still, you weren’t going to take his shoes. Your feet were already hurt, his weren’t. 

“Can I borrow your wand?” you asked as you turned to him, he pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over. 

You took it in your hands and waved it over your feet “Episkey,” you whispered, the same spell you had used to fix Peter’s nose before his date. It didn’t completely heal your feet, but the blisters were gone and walking wasn’t as painful as before. 

You didn’t like using healing spells, they tended to be complicated and could go awfully wrong, especially without your actual wand, but you already knew Remus’ wand liked you since she had allowed you to use it in the past, so you decided to risk it, if only to bring Remus some peace of mind. 

“Thank you,” you added as you straightened back up and handed over his wand. 

“Are you sure you don’t want them?” he insisted, half pulling one and you just shook your head again in response. His offer was sweet, awfully sweet, but you wouldn’t have him feel pain at your stake, two people had done that for you in the last 24 hours, and neither of them had survived. 

Remus still wasn’t convinced, but he walked alongside you, nonetheless. He knew you were still in pain, and he wanted to do anything he could to help you, but he also knew what it was like to be in pain and be constantly reminded about it by people, so he decided to let you have it, he’d take care of you once you were with Pomfrey. 

By the time you arrived at the end of the hallway, you saw the small hole you’d have to climb, the one that was much easier to climb as Vixen than as yourself, and you wondered how Remus had gotten used to it. 

“Wait here,” he said as he climbed up the area with ease, placing his feet and hand on strategic places to make his ascent much easier. He was insanely good at it, almost like Spider-Man. A few seconds passed and then you saw his hand drop back inside, “All right, the Willow is calm now, come on up.” 

You used one of the spots he had used to propel yourself forward and grabbed onto his outstretched hand, your own closing around his forearm as he did the same to yours. And then he helped you up almost the rest of the way. Hauling you towards him like you weighed nothing. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled as you stepped outside, the light being a little harsh on your dark accustomed eyes, which had you narrow them as you looked ahead. The ground was still filled with snow, and you still didn’t have shoes. You looked at your bare feet for a second before turning to Remus. 

“May I borrow your wand again?” you asked with a sigh. 

“What are you going to do? Melt the snow?” he asked in disbelief. 

“I was planning to use a warming spell…” you admitted.

“Ridiculous.” 

“I’m still not going to take your shoes.”

“Yeah I know, you’re stubborn as hell,” he said with a huff as he crouched down in front of you, “Come on, hop in.” 

“You’re planning to piggyback ride me all the way to the castle? You are the ridiculous one!” 

“What? Like it would be hard,” he said as he turned his head towards you. You gave him a suspicious look in return. “Hello? The best friend who also happens to be a werewolf? Superhuman strength, and all that, ringing any bells?” 

You sighed, “But Remus–” 

“But Remus me one more time and I will carry you without consent, you have been warned.” 

“You wouldn’t dare!” 

“Wanna test it?” he asked, as he raised one of his eyebrows. 

He just might, you thought as you shook your head and did what you were told. 

“See?” he said as he straightened up and started to walk, “Was it that hard?”

“Yes,” you said with a pout as you leaned your head on his shoulder. Remus was awfully comfortable, but you supposed he had always been, “I don’t want to be burdensome,” you mumbled, “the moon was just a couple of days ago, you must still be sore–”

“You are not burdensome,” he said almost instantly. Emphasising the “not” in the very articulated way he used to talk when he was in presentations. 

“You’re too nice,” you mumbled as you dug your head deeper into his shoulder, your lips brushing against his neck causing him to shiver. “You cold?” you asked. 

“No,” he responded. 

“Are you sure?” you insisted, you had felt him tremble, “I could cast a warming spell around the two of us,” you added as you extended your hand in an attempt to get a hold of his wand, but that just caused your lips to brush against his neck again. 

“I’m good,” he repeated as he shoved you back with his shoulder, not too sharp, but enough to drive your mouth away from his neck. That’s when you noticed. 

You frowned, and then a devious smile appeared on your lips, “Are you… ticklish?” you asked tentatively. 

“What? Why do you want to know?” Remus asked with a frown, his head turning your way. 

“Just curious,” you replied with an innocent shrug. Remus gave you a side glance and then turned back to the castle. You had already crossed the entrance archway and were a lot closer than you’d been before. You smiled, and leaned a little closer to him again, taking in a deep breath and blowing some warm air straight to his neck. 

Remus’ hair stood on end as you did that, and his step faltered as if he was about to trip, but he recovered, “What the–” he couldn’t even finish since you did it again. 

“Vixen!” he complained, you just laughed. It was torture, but there was something magical about your unabashed laugh that he wasn’t sure if he really wanted you to stop or not. When you did it again, this time blowing closer to his ear, he couldn’t hold back the cackle that escaped his lips.

“Oi! Please stop!” He managed to say in between chuckles. 

“But I’m trying to warm you,” you said innocently and blew again. 

Remus tried to use his shoulder to push you away from his neck but was unsuccessful, he didn’t want to let go of your legs since he knew then you’d slide off him so he continued moving his shoulders in an attempt to stop you. 

“Little Witch!” he whined. 

“What?” you asked, “You’re cold, I’m just trying to help.” 

“Such a vicious lie–” he couldn’t even finish, since you blew again, this time, he actually tripped and the two of you ended up spiralling down in the snow. 

Remus attempted to break the fall, but the way he tripped didn’t help him much, so you were the one to hit the snow first, and due to the way you were grabbing onto him, he ended up in between your legs with his head being cushioned by your stomach. 

There was a second of silence, in which you tried to breathe in some of the air that had escaped your lungs from the sharp fall, but you started to laugh right after. Remus raised his head from your stomach to look at you, to check if you were all right and was surprised to see you smiling so brightly. 

“Look at you,” you said as you grabbed his head with both of your hands. “You’re so red, I had no idea you were that ticklish! The mighty werewolf, who would have thought?”

“I thought you were hungry,” he said as he tried to shake your hands off. He hadn’t blushed just because you were blowing air in his neck, or perhaps it had been because it was you the one doing it. 

“I am, but messing with you is better than eating,” you replied with a smile and then shivered involuntarily. 

He noticed instantly and scrambled into a standing position. Pulling you up so fast it took you some time to regain balance, “Remus!” you argued at his harshness but he ignored you, pulling you up and slinging you across his shoulder. “Remus!” 

“I warned you, Sweetheart,” he said simply, starting a much quicker pace to the castle, even inside, he didn’t let go of you. 

“Remus, what are you–” you asked as you noticed the path he was taking, “I would have walked to the infirmary,” you said with a huff. 

“Rather not to risk it,” he said simply. 

When you reached the infirmary, he dropped you into one of the beds and went straight to talk to Pomfrey as you stretched and sat on the edge of the mattress.  

She looked at you with a worried sigh as she passed her wand over your body. “You were slightly hypothermic when he found you,” she said as she leaned down to check both of your feet. It felt weird, you had gotten hurt so often lately and you had avoided the infirmary like the plague most of the times that, being checked by a medic felt odd. Like you couldn’t deal with your pain by yourself, which was absolutely ridiculous, even Remus went to the infirmary and he was tougher than you.

You hummed in response to that, “Rem helped me warm up,” you added. She gave a side glance to the boy, he was blushing, and Remus didn’t blush often, she nodded. 

“Remus, darling, could you please leave us alone for a second?” He hesitated but nodded, and walked outside. “Darling, he did more than just warm you,” she said. “News fly fast here, I heard of everything that happened, how’s your magic?” 

You took a deep breath, “It’s… It’s all right,” you said honestly. “It was almost gone after the Fiendfyre but it’s much better today.” 

She nodded, she could feel it, you were pretty much refuelled, it would have taken any normal witch days to refuel after something like that, she had heard about you being mixed race but she suspected your speed recovery had a lot more to do with Remus than it did with you.  

“Please lay on the bed.” She was checking your knees and dabbing some potions on them with a small cotton ball. “Why did you come here?” 

“Here?” you asked with a frown. 

“Instead of Saint Mungo’s, instead of home?” 

“I don’t think I have one of those anymore,” you admitted as you avoided her gaze. “My father cannot be happy with what I did. Hogwarts was the safest place for me. And… I should probably speak to Dumbledore.” 

“You should rest first,” she corrected, “politics can wait.” 

You threw her a worried glance, and she gave you a “no-nonsense” sort of gaze, you had you hold back your argument. 

Still, it wasn’t politics, it was a matter of life and…

 You didn’t want to think much about it either. She checked your breathing, and your face, even pulling your sleeve up slightly to check the bite you had given yourself. 

“That’ll take a bit longer to heal,” she said, she easily noticed it hadn’t been a simple human tooth to tear through the skin, and while she wasn’t sure how exactly you had managed to do it, she knew it had to do with a transfiguration. 

“I assumed it would,” you agreed and covered your arm with your sleeve again. You were pretty sure Remus hadn’t seen it, and you didn’t need him to see yet another way in which you had been hurt. Seeing you bawl your eyes out last night was enough. Merlin, he must think I’m so weak. 

“I don’t know the full scope of the story, luv,” she said slowly as if she wasn’t sure if he should speak or not. “But… From what Dumbledore told me in his note, which he heard from someone who was also at the dinner, you ended up in the situation you did because you tried to help a muggle-born who was being tortured by the Dark Lord. That was very brave of you.” 

You turned to look at her, there was somewhat of a reverential tone in the way she was looking at you that made your throat knot. You weren’t a hero, you didn’t want to be perceived as one either, especially not with how things had ended up. 

Nina was gone and you would have diеd if Barty Crouch of all people hadn’t helped you get the fuck out. You would have cried over her until Lucius used a spell that wiped you off the map. You had tried to make justice and you had succeeded at nothing but making things worse and getting people killed. 

You tried and failed. You weren’t a hero, you were a failure. You hadn’t been brave, you had been reckless and stupid. But if things happened all over again, would you have allowed Nina to be tortured? Would you have allowed Bellatrix to kill her? 

Of course not. 

“She still diеd,” you said, avoiding her gaze entirely. 

Pomfrey placed her hand over yours, “I don’t know many that would have tried, darling,” she reassured. “She was lucky to have you as a friend.” 

You didn’t want to cry again, but her words had been enough to crack you up. She brought you close to her chest and rubbed your back as you sobbed. You hated it, the feeling of tears streaming down your face, it made you feel weak. 

After a few minutes, you sniffed and tried to wipe your face again. Pomfrey had been patient and kind and she even handed over a small, cloth handkerchief for you to wipe the tears away. “Here, take this, darling,” she said as she handed over a bottle of pepperup potion. “It’ll help the rest of the chills go away,” she explained. “One sip every two hours, It’s just for precautions.” 

She had cured your feet and knees, the bite you had given yourself didn’t hurt anymore and after taking a bit of the potion, the shivering was gone. 

“Will I have to stay the night?” you asked her. 

She gave you a long look, after what you’d been through, the last thing that you’d want was to stay at an infirmary. Would she rather have you stay? Sure she would. But while she was worried about your physical state, she also knew the emotional one was important, and you looked like you needed a bit of normalcy and quiet. She sighed, “You may go back to your common room.” 

You took a deep breath and nodded. 

There was a soft knock on the door, and then Remus walked inside. He had a backpack slung across his shoulder as he walked inside. “Will she stay the night?” he asked. 

“Just got cleared up,” you replied. He could see you had been crying again. 

“Really?” He asked Pomfrey with a frown. He had planned to stay at the infirmary overnight with you. 

“Really,” Pomfrey nodded. “But no walking around barefoot. A warm bath will probably do you good.” 

Remus gave you the “I told you so” look and pulled a pair of slippers you must have left in his room one of the nights you stayed over. 

You smiled and stood up while popping them on, then the two of you walked towards the exit. 

“Remus?” The Mediwitch called as he was about to step out. 

“Yes?” he asked, turning his head towards her.

“Keep taking care of her like you’ve been doing.” 

He smiled and nodded, “Will do!”

“I brought you some of Sirius’ clothes,” Remus said as he nodded to the backpack behind him, "I thought she’d have you stay the night.”

“Me too,” you admitted. “But it looks like I wasn’t that bad off to begin with. She said you helped a lot last night.” 

Remus shrugged in response. 

You got to the common room and it was completely empty, “No other Gryffindors stayed over?” You asked as you walked the stairs alongside him.

“A first year and a third year,” he said. “They must be in Hogsmeade with Minnie now,” he said with a shrug. 

“Oh,” you responded simply. He opened the door to his room and the two of you walked inside.

“Remus,” a voice said from the radio. “Remus, are you there?” 

You smiled, it was Sirius. You turned to Remus, questioning and he nodded. You walked straight to his bed, where the radio lay and sat down right in front of him, looking for the microphone. Once you got a hold of it, you pressed the side button like you had seen people do in movies. “Roger that soldier, the squad is on their way,” you said in a deeper voice. 

There was no answer from the other side, Remus pulled out the mirror to see what was happening. Sirius was looking at James with a confused face. 

“Soldier, do you copy?” you insisted. 

Remus barely kept a straight face. 

“…Starshine?!” Sirius asked, half doubtful. 

You smiled, debating whether to continue with the prank or not, “Indeed, Pups,” you replied, in your voice. 

Remus saw the instant relief of Sirius through the mirror, and James leaned a little bit closer to the radio as well. 

“How ARE you?” he asked. 

Right, Sirius had seen it all. 

“Well, Remus and Pomfrey took care of me,” you replied with a shrug, even if he couldn’t see it. Your demeanour had changed like rapid fire, it’s like you did everything you could to shove last night to a dark part and completely forget about it but people kept bringing it up. 

He saw Sirius sigh on the other side, and he turned to the mirror, spotting Remus looking at him attentively, he pressed the button. “Kit, that’s not what I–” He sent Remus a questioning look, Remus shook his head in response. He could talk to you about it later when you actually wanted to talk about it. “Did you like my gift?” 

“I loved it!” you said, happy he didn’t ask much more about last night. Remus walked next to you on the bed and handed the mirror over. 

You looked at both Sirius and James sitting on the bed, Sirius looked like he had slept about as well as you had, there were deep dark circles under his eyes. If he had seen what you had… He might be the only person besides Remus, who understood what you were feeling, or at least had a vague idea of it, and yet… you refused to talk about it. 

Not now, not through the damn radio, you tried to justify yourself. You were well aware ignoring your feelings wasn’t quite healthy, but you didn’t know a better way to cope either. Crying until you were tired wasn’t exactly a better option either, not now when you still had things to do. Maybe after the war was over, after your friends were safe, then you’d allow yourself to cry. 

“Yeah?” Sirius asked with a smile. You nodded in return, looking at him through the mirror. He was wearing one of the shirts you’d gotten him. “I loved what you sent me,” he responded. “I’ve already been practising some watercolour stuff.” 

Good, this was good, as if nothing had happened. 

“Me too,” James intervened by snatching the microphone away from Sirius. “I mean I haven’t been practising watercolour, but I loved your gifts.” 

You send him a wink through the mirror and spend about half an hour chatting with them about anything other than what had happened. 

At some point, the boys had to go for lunch and you said a quick goodbye to them before allowing yourself to recline back on Remus’ bed. You wanted to keep your mind entertained, “We should go to the library,” you said out of a sudden, “or to eat, you said I could eat after Pomfrey.” 

“You should bathe first, she said a warm bath should help you feel better,” Remus said as he placed his hand on your head to check your temperature. You were still borderline cold.  

You checked the clock and took a sip of the pepperup potion Pomfrey had given you. Smoke came out of your ears for a couple of seconds. You were thankful for the fact that you didn’t have to drink it all in one go, you didn’t like the smoke thing one bit. It wasn’t painful, but you didn’t find it exactly comfortable either. 

“Yes Mum,” you said as you let yourself sink deeper into the bed. 

“Well then?” 

“I don’t want to leave,” you whined, and you really didn’t. Being alone would only have you spiralling deep in your head, and in your thoughts, and nothing good could come from that. You turned to look at him, “Why don’t you read to me instead?” 

“Why don’t you get an audiobook?” he retorted almost without thinking, “Besides I thought you were hungry.” 

“Doesn’t sound as nice as you do, and I’m starving,” you said as you turned back to the ceiling with a sigh. Remus attempted to hide the blush that crept up his cheeks by turning to the side.

“I’ll read to you after you take a warm bath like Pomfrey instructed. I’ll even read while you eat if you want.”  

You pouted in return, but you did want to change into anything other than the black dress you still had on –even if Remus’ jumper over it was warm– so you decided the deal was fair. 

You stood up and walked towards the door. “What are you doing? Just use our bathroom,” Remus said as he pointed to said place’s door. 

“Clothes,” you said as if it were obvious. 

“Want me to get them for you?” 

“And you’ll pick my underwear?” you teased with a smile. Remus couldn’t help but blush at the thought and you laughed openly at him. “Ugh, you’re such a prude. I can barely believe you were fucking Alice for like 3 months.”

“Oi!” he complained with a frown. “She never asked me to pick out her underwear.” 

“Poor thing,” you said with a pout. 

“As if Sirius had ever picked your underwear.” 

“Oh, do you wanna know what else he got me for Christmas?” He hadn’t gotten you anything of the sort, but the more you spoke, the redder Remus became, and you thought it was adorable. 

“Get your clothes, I’ll run the bath for you,” he said as he pretty much pushed you out of the room. 

“Not too hot!” you said as he closed the door in your face. He heard you say a short “hmph” and walked down the stairs. He leaned his head against the door and had to breathe deeply for a couple of seconds to cool down. 

Had Sirius really gotten you underwear for Christmas? He didn’t tell him about it… And they had discussed presents rather often. Then again, would he even mention that sort of stuff to me? he wondered. He stayed at the door for a few more minutes and then he walked to the bathroom, sitting down on the edge of the tub as he opened the water tap, first hot, and then just a bit of cold. 

Remus was a hot water shower kind of guy, borderline scalding, so when he measured the temperature, he picked it a little hotter than the standard person would. But then again, he didn’t know how long you’d take, so the water might cool down by the time you came back. 

No such luck, you had been quick on your feet, as soon as you got to the room stripping the black dress you’d been wearing. It was a stunning piece at the beginning of the night, now it had been torn and worn out from the fall, there was dried bIood clinging to the skirt and to the edges of the sleeves, both yours and Nina’s. You didn’t want to see the dress again, so you threw it in the laundry with a note for the elves, asking them kindly to get rid of it. 

You would have done it yourself, but you still didn’t have a wand and attempting evanesco without one seemed like the recipe for disaster. 

After that, you grabbed a simple pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved cotton shirt. You also took a jumper that you had swiped from Remus and then placed it all in your backpack along with some toiletries. You were thankful you hadn’t packed any of your clothes to take home, although there were some things there you would miss. The clothes you had been wearing on the trip –Remus’ brown jumper and Sirius’ shirt–, the cute stuffed animal you’d gotten from the Slytherins, the books, and… of course, Sirius’ lovely drawing.

You almost broke down to cry again, the realisation that you’d never be able to go back home, that you would never eat your mother’s soup, hitting you like a truck as you thought of the things left behind. But as your eyes watered and your breath started running short you stood up hastily. Tears wouldn’t come if you didn’t give them enough time. 

You took a bathrobe, wrapped it around yourself, and then took hold of the clothing assortment you’d picked, walking back to the boys’ room faster than you could process your feelings. You had to make sure the other students weren’t around as you crossed the common room, without a wand, there was no disillusionment charm, and without that, you could easily be spotted. 

You walked inside the boys’ room as fast as you could, and you heard the water running, you assumed Remus was still inside, so you knocked lightly on the door. 

“Come in,” Remus said softly. “You okay?” he asked the minute he saw your face.

“Totally,” you lied. However, could you be okay? “I got the clothes,” you added as you moved the heap up just a bit to call attention to it. Remus looked at you as he dipped his hand in the water, it was bubbly and it smelled really nice. 

“I added some pain reliever potions Pomfrey’s given me,” he said. You gave him a look. Last time you’d taken his medicine, things had been problematic. “I checked a book, it says they’re safe. And I didn’t use that much either.” 

“You know, I’m not really in pain,” you said, not physical, at least. 

“Yeah bet,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. You reached towards the tub and dug your hand in as well, pulling it out almost an instant later.

“Shit, it’s too hot.” 

“It’s just warm,” Remus argued. 

You shook your head in response. It was hot enough to be uncomfortable. You pulled his hand out of the water and took it in yours, “Have you already fried your heat receptors?” 

Remus narrowed his eyes at you and pulled his hand away from your grasp “Haha, very funny” -he stood- “Hurry up, I’m hungry too.” 

He was about to leave the bathroom when you stood up as well, “Wait, may I borrow your wand?” 

Remus handed it over without questioning and then exited the room. You turned back at the tub, it was scalding. 

“Relashio gelida,” you said, a stream of freezing cold water left Remus’ wand. After a couple of minutes, you stopped the stream and checked the water again. It was still warm but not scalding anymore. You stripped and got in. The smell and the potions relaxing you in an instant. You didn’t want to take too long, so you busied yourself rubbing off some of the dirt and cleaning the dried patches of bIood. You sank completely under the water, blinking as you looked up at the stone ceiling, a little blurry due to the bubbly water. I didn’t hurt your eyes though, whatever potions Remus had used, prevented the soap from actually sinking into them. 

Not that you would have minded the little sting, all you wanted was a little moment of quiet under the water. She had always been a calming force for you. You remembered once reading that mermaids couldn’t cry, since they were already inside the water. You liked the idea of being able to cry without people noticing. You stayed there until your lungs cried for air and you resurfaced enough to let your face out of the water, you took a deep breath and sighed, closing your eyes and figuring it was about time for you to finish up.

You changed quickly and found Remus sitting outside, a book in his hands. You were still drying your hair as you stepped into his room. Remus thought you looked adorable as you brushed the towel over your head. The crisp white shirt you’d chosen made you look angelic in his eyes. 

“Let’s get some food,” you said as you left your hair alone and brushed it with your fingers. You’d let it air dry as you ate. The castle was warm enough to not have to worry about drying it. 

Remus nodded and the two of you walked down to the Great Hall. It was almost empty, there were a few students cuddled up at some tables. Like 5 Slytherins sitting with Ravenclaws, and then there were 3 younger Hufflepuffs at their own table. 

“I guess they chose not to go to Hogsmeade,” you said as you sat down.

“Some of them didn’t get permission from their parents,” Remus explained. “Enid and Niall for example,” he said pointing at the Hufflepuffs, “they are half-bIoods, their parents forbade them from going because of all the incidents they’ve read in the papers, they were scared.” 

“And they should be,” you said, thinking back to the pile of dеad bodies back in Rosier Manor.  The feast wasn’t as big as it was normally, but a decent assortment of food appeared right in front of you as you sat. There were desserts, and fruits and pasta and even some pies, but most importantly for you at that moment, there was meat. 

You grabbed onto a few sausages bacon and a piece of steak and started munching on it the instant they appeared. Remus helpfully filled up a cup of your favourite juice for you and passed it over, before serving himself one. 

He, despite claiming he was hungry earlier, took his time preparing himself a sandwich before he placed anything in his mouth. You felt like you were devouring your food in comparison to the much calmer demeanour he kept as he munched on his sandwich and ate some chips. 

“I’m thinking about writing my parents,” he said after taking a sip from his juice. You turned to him and nodded. “But I’m not sure if… I mean would you rather stay here or do you wanna come with us?” 

“You mean come to your house?”

Remus shrugged in response “I mean, the change of scenery could help clear your mind… and we could visit James and Sirius at some point too…” He seemed slightly hesitant as he spoke. 

“Are you sure your parents would want me at their house, though?” 

He frowned, “why wouldn’t they?” 

“I mean… Pomfrey’d heard about the dinner, I pretty much openly opposed Voldemort, there’s probably a huge target for my head, that’s why I came straight to Hogwarts.” 

“Oh, they won’t care,” Remus said. “We can ask Dumbledore if he thinks it’s safe if you want. If not we can just stay here until the break is over–“

“–I can stay here,” you interrupted. “Remus, your mum must miss you a lot. She hasn’t seen you in months, you’re not going to stay just because of me.”

“Mum has Dad, she won’t be alone if I don’t go,” he said simply. “If you stay, I’ll stay.” 

“Talk to them first,” you insisted. “When were you supposed to leave?” 

“Tonight,” he admitted. “I’m meant to see Dumbledore after dinner, he’ll let me use his office’s floo network.”

You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but the idea of spending tonight alone was unnerving. Of course, you couldn’t keep clinging onto Remus like a leech, no matter how comforting he might be. 

“I’m going to the owlery,” he said as he stood up, “I’ll write them, we’ll have an answer before then.” 

“I should speak to Dumbledore,” you said as you too stood up, you turned towards the teacher’s table, “you think he’ll be at his office?”

He shrugged, “I’ll come with, it’s on my way anyway.”

You nodded, secretly thankful that he’d offered to walk you there, since you weren’t sure how to get to Dumbledore’s office. Yes, you had been at the school and you knew your way around secret passageways and to and from classrooms as much as anyone, but you hadn’t been to his office since the very start of the year, you didn’t even remember ever seeing it again. 

Once the two of you were in front of the statue, Remus waited for you to ring the bell and for the statue to roll around revealing the set of stairs before nodding at you and continuing on his way. It was strangely reminiscent of that time you’d met him, the sexy pirate from the romance novels, you remembered. You had been through so much with him, that the initial meeting seemed to you like it had been years ago, instead of months. 

The statue behind you clicked into position and you took a deep breath and walked upstairs, ready to talk to Dumbledore, even if you weren’t eager to relive the night’s events.

“I was expecting you to come,” he said calmly, “please sit,” he added as he gestured towards his chair. You swallowed and did as told. “How are you?” 

“Surprisingly, still alive,” you responded. 

There was a faint smile on his face, almost imperceptible, but you had noticed the way the corner of his mouth curled, even if just for a second. “I wouldn’t say surprising,” he said, “I’ve been informed you’re a very capable witch.” 

You held back the amused scoff that threatened to leave your mouth by clenching your jaw before you decided to speak again, changing the drive of the conversation. “How much do you know?” He curled an eyebrow. “Of last night, I mean.” 

“There was a fire at the Christmas Party, people diеd, your mother, among them.” 

“It was a Deatheater Party,” you said coldly, “Voldemort was there, they called him Tom.” 

He nodded as if he was aware of that. “They were torturing people, you intervened to stop Mrs. Lestrange from using an unforgivable on Nina Blythe. Her mother had already passed, unfortunately. Nobody’s seen her since the disaster.” 

You struggled to say the next words, “She didn’t make it.” 

The man nodded, somberly, “I assumed as much when you arrived with Madam Pomfrey and she didn’t. You wouldn’t have left her behind.” 

He was right, you didn’t even want to leave her behind when she had passed. “Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier helped me escape.” 

“The same Slytherins that–” 

“–Yes,” you cut him off, you didn’t like being rude to your elders, but you didn’t want to hear from that moon either. The fact that the two boys had helped you still being hard to process. The same hands that had left you bruised one night had grabbed onto you to get you out of there alive, it didn’t make sense. “There were a lot of people there. I don’t know all of their names, but I tried to gather as many as I could. I’m sorry if I can no longer be of use.”

Dumbledore frowned, “No longer be of use?” 

“I can’t spy for you anymore.” 

“Ahhh,” he said, seeming to understand. “Nightshade didn’t ask to train you just because she thought you’d be a useful spy. Neither did I. We wanted you to join the Order of the Phoenix.” 

“The what?” 

Dumbledore explained to you what the Order was, that while your family connections had been initially a big reason for your recruitment, it had been your performance in classes, and the friendships you had formed that really got Nightshade to choose you. You had shown no bIood-based bias, you had openly defied pure-bIoods. 

“We think you’d be an incredible addition to our ranks,” he added. 

You gulped as you stared at his desk, trying to process everything he’d told you, “You… you want me to fight in the war,” you said, as if putting it into words made it any more real than it already was. 

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow as he stared at you and nodded, “Perhaps then you’ll be able to continue protecting those you love.” 

“But– there are much more experienced wizards, there– I almost diеd last night.” 

“Yes, and you were willing to risk your life to protect someone you love,” he said. “That makes you better for the task of fighting a war than most, no matter how qualified they might be.” 

You swallowed again, be it bravery or recklessness the reason that you had done what you did, you were now being offered…

“A chance to stop it from happening again,” he finished. 

You looked at him with a frown, you were sure your occlumency was up, and you instantly tested your mind shields. They were still up, Dumbledore gave you a long look, and you realised he hadn’t been reading your mind, but rather your reactions and your body language. The way your jaw clenched and your body tensed when he said certain things. You breathed, relaxing your body as much as you could before speaking again, “Okay,” you said simply. 

Dumbledore nodded, and you were about to stand, halfway up your chair before you sat down again and leaned a little closer, “I came here because it was the only safe place I could think of that Barty could help me apparate to.” 

“It was very wise,” he noted. 

“But… Remus will leave tonight. He asked his parents if I could come with them, but I won’t if my being with them puts them at risk.” 

“Do you want to go?” He asked calmly. 

You were taken aback by his question. Of course you did, you didn’t want to be left alone. “Not if it risks anyone’s life,” you repeated. 

He nodded and gave you a long look, “From what I gather, the deatheaters are not looking for you at the present moment. They think you’re too weak, and that you’ll return home by yourself. Your father will probably be there, waiting for you.” He took a deep breath and then continued, “Is there a way in which he can track you? A magic item or something he’s given you?” 

“No,” you responded. You had many magic items, but none by which he could track you. Not even the ring your mother had given you. 

“Then it should be safe for you to go, as long as you don’t call too much attention to yourself. The Lupins live in a cottage near the sea in Wales at the moment. Small muggle town, no wizards live there to my knowledge.” 

You nodded as he gave you all the information, “So, I wouldn’t put them in danger by going?” 

“You would not,” he reassured. 

“Okay, thank you,” you said as you stood up, something akin to a smile drawing itself on your lips.

Dumbledore merely nodded as he saw you walk towards his door and descend down the stairs, a mischievous look on his face, as if he was both amazed by and compassionate of you. 

You walked down and found Remus sitting on a nearby bench, writing some things down in a small notebook. His face lit up when he spotted you, “How did it go?” he asked. 

“He knew a lot of it already, I gave him the details and wrote a list of all the names I remembered. 

The two of you walked towards the common room by each other and sat near the fire. Remus had extended his legs over the table and you let your head fall over his lap, closing your eyes when he turned on the radio and played one of the tapes you had sent them. “You still want me to read?” he asked. 

You shrugged in response. “I’ve got this book,” he told you, pulling it out of his back, “or we could do one of yours?” 

“Your book,” you said, you hadn’t even opened your eyes.

“You really want me to read advanced arithmancy?” he asked. You frowned and opened your eyes, he gave you an amused look as you took the book from his hand to revise the title. 

“Your nose will grow,” you said as you read the title. It was not Advanced Arithmancy. 

“You weren’t even looking,” he said simply. “The book’s fine?” 

You nodded, and he started reading. Remus was an incredibly good reader, and you lost yourself on the story as he read, his hand had absentmindedly found your hair and he was carefully brushing his fingers over your scalp, like he often saw you do to comfort Sirius, you had done it to him a couple of times too, and he loved every minute of it. 

You were both so immersed in the story that neither of you realised there was an owl knocking on a window until a boy from 2nd year walked down the stairs and asked if anyone was expecting mail. 

You turned to look at Remus and he moved the book away to be able to see your face, you lifted yourself up while he stood and walked towards the window, opened it and retrieved a small letter from an owl’s beak. 

“Thank you,” you said to the boy with a polite smile. 

“You’re welcome,” he said before giving you a court nod and leaving, waving a polite goodbye. 

“They said you can come,” Remus said as he sat down next to you again, showing you the letter. You took a deep breath and smiled. You wouldn’t have to spend the night alone. “Want me to help you pack?” 

You nodded with a smile and the two of you walked to your room. Remus had been there before, back at the Halloween party, a soft smile played on his lips as he looked back at the memory. 

Meanwhile, you took the small bag from the party that you had somehow managed to keep slung across your shoulder during the entire ordeal and started dumping everything onto your bed. Remus looked at you surprised since he had no idea you had also charmed your bag to keep so many things inside. 

“Why would you take so many things to the party,” he asked as he pulled one of the three books inside the bag and started to inspect it. 

“I was originally planning to sit in a corner and read something,” you admitted, “was not expecting a bigotry celebration.” 

“I loved this, by the way,” you said as you pulled out the book of poems he’d made you and placed it on the desk carefully. 

“You took it as well?” 

You shrugged, “I wanted to read it, I haven’t gotten through all the pages,” you said honestly. Then you leaned down and picked out a small suitcase from under your bed. 

Remus smiled as he looked at you, you had been so talkative at Slughorn’s party, perfectly entertaining both adult guests and other kids your age, he could barely imagine you sitting in a corner with a book in your hand, you clearly hadn’t been eager to attend said party in the first place. 

“Do your parents celebrate an elegant New Year?” You asked as you pulled a few simpler clothes from your trunk, some jeans, a couple of jumpers, some thermal clothes and a couple of graphic tees. 

“No wonder I can’t find my jumpers,” he said as he grabbed three of the jumpers you had pulled out. 

“Sorry,” you said with a wince and a small shrug, they were all his. “So, elegant?” 

“Not really?” he said with a shrug. “I mean Mum wears something nice, but it’s not like elegant wizard stuff either.” 

“You think this would work?” You asked as you pulled out a simple blue dress. It had sleeves that would reach just past your elbows and a square neckline. 

Remus nodded with a shrug, “Just wear something comfortable,” he said as he sat on the bed and helped bend some of the clothes you’d picked out. 

“Oh, Rem, don’t worry about that, it’s–” 

“Shhh,” he interrupted, “just focus on finding the stuff, we should hurry.” 

You gave him a look but nodded, picking out some more stuff quickly and starting to bend it all. When you opened your suitcase he realised it had also been charmed, two rows of drawers pulled out and moved to the side, enough for you to place all you had picked and at least another 3 times that. Of course, you wouldn’t need that many clothes, so it didn’t matter if some parts of it stayed empty. 

“You’re taking pyjamas?” he asked. 

You hadn’t even thought about it, and quickly dug through your trunk to pull some shorts, fluffy socks, long sleeve shirts, and also some thick pants, in case it got too cold. You also walked towards the bathroom and got a toothbrush and a small set of toiletries. When you walked back, Remus was already placing all of your sleep clothes in one of the drawers. 

“Thanks,” you said with an awkward smile and pulled a brush from the vanity. 

Remus just shrugged in response, “No problem, luv.”

You heard a small tap on the window and walked towards it, a large black owl was leaning against the window seal. He carried a small square package in its claw, Narrow and long, wrapped in black fabric and with a letter tucked in the side. The owl waited for you to open, left the package with a small nod and flew away. 

Remus and you exchanged looks before you picked it up and walked over to the bed, sitting next to him. You pulled the green ribbon and found a small letter on top, it was more of a note than a letter, though. 

We attempted to retrieve your wand, unfortunately, and as you’ll see, we were late, Bella had already broken it in two. You’ll have to get a new one. Barty mentioned that you asked for the one that belonged to the girl. We had to dig through, but we found it. Hope it serves you for whatever purpose it is that you need it. 

-E

“They got it back,” you whispered as you took the box and pulled it open. Your wand, like Evan said, was there in two pieces, completely broken. You pulled out the pieces with a sigh, a sad look as you stared at them. 

“You’ve had it all your life?” 

“Yeah,” you answered, “I got it when I was 9 so I could study ahead.” Remus gave you an incredulous look, and you shrugged. “They wanted me to perform well in my first year. They wouldn’t let me use it all the time, but Mum taught me all the basic spells, and I pinched a book of duels from my father. I accidentally charred a tree before they realised.” 

Remus scoffed with a smile on his face. He shouldn’t have been surprised, you had always been a bit of a troublemaker, but imagining a little Vixen with a wand burning a tree down was certainly amusing. Either way, there was still another wand in the box. It was narrow and long, about as long as James’, perhaps a little longer, it was carved like Sirius’ but the insides had a tinge of blue, and seemed to shine as it caught the light. “Is that–”

“Nina’s wand,” you finished, swallowing thickly as you too looked inside the box. “They found it,” you added with a sad smile. 

“What will you do with it?” he asked. 

You shook your head, “I’m not sure,” you admitted. “I just knew I didn’t want it to be lost forever.” 

“Do you know what type of wand it is?” he asked. 

You shook your head in response, “Nina almost always kept her in her pocket, she tended to avoid the subject… I never asked her why.” That last part was a little harder to say, mostly because of the thought that came to your head after it, you’d never be able to ask why.

“Maybe we can give it back to a family member?” 

“Her mum was there too,” you responded. “Perhaps Sybil would know,” you added with a shrug.

“If–” Remus hesitated, “If I were her, I’d want you to keep it.” 

You gave him a look, and picked the wand up, shaking your head, “I doubt it.” 

“No, I’m sure,” Remus insisted. “She pushed you out of the way of a spell, she would want you to be protected. If her wand could protect you the same way you protected her–”

“Tried,” you corrected. “I tried to protect her.” 

Remus placed his arm over your shoulders and brought you closer to him, “Sometimes we do all that’s within our power and we still lose. It doesn’t make us any less worthy.” 

You sighed, leaning your head against his shoulder, “If I take it” –you took in a breath– “If I take it then I can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen.” Your eyes were watering again. “I’d have to face it, every time I do magic, I’ll have to–”

“Hey,” Remus said softly, as he rubbed his hand on your shoulder. “Breathe, luv. Let’s leave it here for now. You can borrow my wand whenever you need magic and we’ll go to Diagon sometime on the break so you can get a wand. How does that sound?” 

You blinked the tears away, quickly cleaning one that had slipped and nodded. “I’ll bring it, just in case,” you said, and gently placed the one on the drawer near the bottom. You didn’t want to see it when you looked for clothes. 

Remus didn’t think it was healthy to ignore your feelings, he knew what you were doing to yourself wasn’t any better than actually processing your loss, but he had been trying to ignore his feelings for you and Sirius the last few months, and he wasn’t hypocritical enough tell you how you should process things when he himself could barely do it. 

Eventually, you took a deep breath and pressed a button on the side of the suitcase. The drawers went back inside and the suitcase closed shut. You took some of the books and placed them inside the smaller bag you had taken to the party. “We’ve got books at home too,” Remus teased with a smile and you elbowed him gently. 

“You said after dinner, right?” He nodded, and you turned to the clock, “We should probably go see Dumbledore then… Perhaps we can get some snacks from the kitchen on our way.” 

Remus shook his head, “Mum will have dinner for us,” Remus said, "she used to be a chef, she’s always loved cooking.” 

“I had no idea,” you said as you grabbed the suitcase and the bag, you left them in the common room and walked with Remus to get his own suitcase and backpack and then the two of you walked towards Dumbledore’s office. 

“I see you’ve decided to go,” Dumbledore said as he saw you with the suitcase in hand. 

“Remus can be very persuasive,” you replied. 

He nodded and moved out of the way to let you walk towards his chimney. 

Dumbledore handed over a small piece of paper to you, in neat gold, you read: Lupin’s cottage, Wales. 

“Thank you,” you said as you walked over to the chimney.

“Mr. Lupin, perhaps you should go first,” Dumbledore suggested. 

Remus nodded in agreement and walked inside, taking some powder from the bag and then throwing it against the floor, “Lupin’s cottage, Wales,” he said, articulating every word carefully. 

“Ready?” Dumbledore asked as he offered the bag for you to take some of the green powder. You nodded and dug your hand into the bag, taking a good deal of powder and holding your fist closed tight. “Take care,” he said simply. 

“Thank you, Professor,” you said as you walked inside the chimney. “Happy New Year,” you added right before taking a deep breath and saying “Lupin’s cottage, Wales.” 

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

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A/N: I little bit of fluff so we can start processing all that's been going on in GC lately. I feel like it's much needed.

Read more Marauders Fiction

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[maraczeks]

newsroom rw thread pt 4

#i want a partner no bc she only ever wants will it's only will ohhh ncnsjrhhdhdjdjdfjjejfjd her shoulders are insane she's so so pretty #jan 5 2023 #she looks so hurt but then when she softens and tells him to go to the party lawddddddddddddd she's sooooo in love oh my god #sloan will!!!!!!!! bonding ohhhh #I CAN FIX YOU HELPPPPPPPPPPPPOP #he's sooooo sick i cant stand him ohhh at least they didn't show mac kissing wade #he is literally so ugly i cant defend myself #ahahahahahahahshehshhahsshahshah like. he would spend all his hours with mac. THE WATER LRANK HER LAUGHHHHHH OKESSE #their conversations over mic and headset 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 #haven't been keeping track but how close physically mac and will get without touching yet ohdhdhshfbxbsnnfjdnsncbskjsks #kathryn hahn 😭 #okay but will the way his adoration puppy dog looking up face freakkkkkk my stomach in knots he is insane #like his intense focused look FREAK #HES SOOOOO NOT OBRR HERRJDJSBFHDBBC #the second half of this episode is insane so let's just take a moment for macs button up under the sweater #WHEN FIX YOU COMES IN OHHHHH MT GODDDDDDDDDDD IM GONNA THEIW UPPPPPPOPO #I LOVE THIS EPISODE OH NT HOD #THE FREKAING MUSIC PHDJRHSKDJSJDJJDJSHDSOOOOO HOOD #just like. one of theeee best episodes of television. #i wish i could watch this for the first time again so so bad #jan 7 2023 #the next two eps 1.05 and 1.06 oh my gawd i'm gonna collapse so hard two of my faves fjsjjdbrbrrrrrrrr 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 #she says so much with just her jawline like she came to serve #oh jk she kisses him there #I STILL COUNT IN ONE HANDDDDDDDDDDDDD HE LOOJS SO SMUG RAP DANCING LESSONS WHEN HE WAS ELEVEN BYYEHEHEHSHHSHSHBENSNSNDBSJJDJXB THE FLIRTING #IM ACTUALLY SICK TO MY STOMACH THEYRE SOOOOO MARRIED THE MENORIES OH N YAKWNEHAHAHDHSHHDNFJSJFJCNSNNDJSJDJDJSJDJDJJDHDHSHDHDHBDBEBXNSBDJSJWH #IM ACTUALY ON FIRE #they're actually disgustingly married i cannot stand them #i'm breaking i to pieces NOBODY IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD RISJ LOSING YI #this episode is f***ing perfect.

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

Let me just say, I absolutely adore your writing so much!! Your More Than Anything series with Vox is honestly one of, if not my favorite Vox series!!!❤💙 I was wondering if you could do a kind of silly, fluffy imagine with Vox where they're in their early stages of flirting/crushing and the reader avoids the topic of kissing... because they think Vox isn't able to kiss with his screen? Literally before episode 8, the question in my mind was "Can the dorky TV man kiss?" And then we got confirmation he most DEFINITELY could 🤣 I just think it'd be so cute and funny for that to be something the reader was wondering as well but wasn't sure how to ask him about it without being weird lol

Oh my goodness, such high praise aaaa! I actually have a scene in my Ao3 fic based on the same concept! I'd be happy to write some awkward smoochums! This guy is such a fucking dork and I love him.

Assumptions [Vox x Reader Fluff]

You and Vox had been dating for a month and the overlord was on the verge of insanity. He knew that Valentino had much more intense needs when it came to physical affection than most, but he wasn't expecting such a drastic shift in needs when it came to you.

He knew that being in a real relationship was very different from what he'd experienced before with his fellow overlord. But he thought the two of you would have done something by now. Not even necessarily sex. (Although he'd definitely been fantasizing about that more than he cared to admit.)

The two of you had cuddled, slept in the same bed, and even h*ld h*nds, but you hadn't kissed yet and it wasn't for his lack of trying. He'd invited you on romantic dates and set up several perfect opportunities. But whenever he'd try to go for it, you'd always pull away before he had the chance.

He didn't understand. The two of you had been doing so well. You always seemed to be swept up in the little heated moments just as much as he was, so why?!

Vox had been completely distracted during his entire news segment and groaned as slipped into his secluded dressing room. If it wasn't for the fact that he caught sight of you in his mirror, he probably would have flipped out when he felt your arms slip around him from behind.

"What are you doing here?" he chuckled as he lifted a hand to rest on one of your arms.

"I missed you," you smile, squeezing him gently before letting go. "And I saw that..." you cringe. "Performance. You seemed off. Is something on your mind?"

Vox's eyes widened and he cursed himself mentally for putting on a subpar show in front of the camera. If you noticed, then the audience probably did as well. No one really gave half a fuck about the news, but ratings were ratings.

"It's nothing," Vox muttered. "It's just..."

He looks up at you with an unreadable expression and you gasp as he reaches up and gently takes hold of your chin. His brow furrows as he tucks your hair behind your ear and your heart races a million miles per second as he searches your blushing face for something. His eyes flick down to your lips and he slowly starts to lean, only for you to suddenly push him away.

"A-Anyways I just wanted to check in on you and see if we were still on for a movie tonight," you stammered.

Vox froze, not listening to your ramblings as he processed your deflection. He felt a sharp, cold sting of rejection in his chest and wondered if maybe you weren't as interested in the relationship as he hoped. His heart started to break, but then he noticed the way you were blushing.

"Why?" He asked quietly.

"Well, I just thought maybe you wanted to-"

"No," Vox grit his teeth as he grabbed you by the shoulders. "Why the fuck won't you kiss me? Every time I try, you pull away. We're dating, so why?"

You blinked up at him owlishly, your jaw hanging open before you grabbed his arms and breathed, "You can kiss?!"

Vox's brow furrowed as he looked you over, "Wh- The fuck are you on about? Yes, I can fucking kiss! I've been trying to kiss you for the past three goddamn weeks!"

You gasped before burying your face in your hands and groaning. "Oh my god, I thought... There were a couple times that I wondered, but this whole time I didn't think you could and I didn't want to be weird and..."

Vox stood taller as he processed your words. You didn't hate him. You weren't repulsed by him. You were just...

He burst out laughing, clutching his stomach as he absolutely lost it. "O-Oh my god! You're such a fucking idiot!"

Your face was burning with embarrassment. You knew he wasn't being malicious, but you were still mortified at the misunderstanding. "Oh shut up! It's not my fault you're a flat-faced fucker!"

You were about to go bury your shame into the couch, fully expecting him to hold this against you for the rest of the day, but you were barely able to take two steps before Vox intervened.

You let out a startled yelp as you felt his claws wrap around your arm and yank you back. In the split second it took you to blink, he'd trapped you against a wall. You flinched as his hands slammed against either side of your head, trapping you as he grinned down at you.

"You are so fucking stupid," he snickered.

Your face only grew warmer as your heart pounded with mixed anger, embarrassment, and something else entirely due to the position he had you in. His hand traces lightly over your cheek before cupping the side of your face as he looks at you with the softest expression you'd ever seen from him.

You gasp as he leans down and presses his lips against yours. Your entire body feels like tiny fireworks are dancing lightly over your skin. You shiver as your hands instinctively reach up to grasp at his vest when he pulls you close.

You're both breathing much harder than is necessary when he pulls away. For a moment you just look at each other with half-lidded gazes as you process the sparks that just metaphorically and literally flew. You were pretty sure a bulb went out due to the little bits of blue energy that sparked off of your boyfriend during the kiss.

Speaking of your dork, Vox breathlessly grinned as he squeezed your arms. He let out a small laugh before stepping away from you and turning as more little sparks flew.

"Fucking finallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Vox yelled as he pumped his arms in the air and kicked his legs like a giddy child.

#vox x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader

[torturedblue]

Part 2 of endless Disaster Twin parallels, the not so fun version

Part 1, the fun version

Considering the series shows Donnie coming off as autistic, he’s portrayed that way much more in fan art and fanfics, etc. We often see it in fan portrayals through an aversion to touch or his senses getting overwhelmed, etc. In the show I noticed Leo actually has a consistent aversion to anything with a gross texture too: like in the first episode when they’re all sliding down Draxum’s vines and he’s tripping over himself, the only one bothered by them “I hate this!”

He also starts flailing in a panic after a worm jumps on his face (and do I even need to bring up how the texture of worms ain’t all that enjoyable let alone on your face), recoils when that evil Hidden City massage guy pours hair serum all over his head, and he’s the most visibly repulsed when Raph gets trash all over them in the beginning of Battle Nexus: New York. So on multiple occasions he comes off as pretty texture or germ averse as well

Both also have insecurity issues about their role to the team: “If mystics can do everything I can but better then why would you guys even need me?” “I’m nothing without them!”

Ironically, in Many Unhappy Returns, Splinter thinks Leo doesn’t know what he’s doing and isn’t taking the mission seriously, saying he should’ve brought Purple. But in the same episode during fights with Shredder Donnie’s seen texting on his phone half of the time. Which is also very parallel to Leo making quips in the beginning instead of helping fight like Donnie and the others

In that same fashion, Donnie’s also goofiest when everyone’s acting serious in Insane in the Mama Train, while Leo’s the unserious one in the following episodes. Another role reversal from their norm

The show also portrays these two as feeling the most affected by Splinter’s history of emotionally distant parenting. Donnie constantly talks about his unmet need for parent-aged-adult approval/validation, and Leo shows his struggle in a more Leo-like way, constantly finding father figure connections in other people like Jupiter Jim and The Dunk. He also rejects/roasts Splinter a lot too, which seems more like a form of overcompensation; acting like he doesn’t totally need or crave Splinter’s attention. The exact opposite of Donnie’s methods. “No! I’m not going back to what’s-his-rat.”

“He’s my all-time favorite actor/role model/father figure!”

“That eccentric billionaire, who was kind of a surrogate father figure to me, has shown me a version of myself I don’t like.”

Leo acts like he doesn’t pine for his affection. I’m sure he sees the way Donnie openly, desperately goes after it when it’s offered and then gets crushed even harder with disappointment (ahem Turtle-dega Nights). No way Leo’s opening himself up to that. I mean come on how sad is the moment when Splinter says they should do something together and Mikey is so eager to jump on the opportunity before it gets taken away, only for Donnie to have to pull him aside and remind him it’s usually some kind of trick or he’s likely possessed? Just for Mikey to immediately respond, “You’re right, I always fall for this!” Ouch. Honestly considering Mikey’s empathy and emotional maturity in mind, the reason both he and Raph seem to handle Splinter’s lack of attention so well is probably also because in addition Raph became a second parent himself, and taking on that role like Splinter, he knows from his own experience that even though their dad doesn’t show it in the ways they wish he would, of course he loves them and what he does do to take care of them as a parent proves that

I think the parallels and direct contrasts between how Leo and Donnie show their dissatisfaction in their relationship with Splinter is probably the most developed and interesting one to me 💔

I mean Leo’s the only one who would actually say something like this to Splinter and you can’t tell me there’s not some deep-seated resentment in the way he looks and the way he says it…

So yeah. There’s the sad edition of Disaster Twins parallels. Let’s all cry together 😃

#disaster twins #rottmnt disaster twins #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #leo and donnie #rottmnt character analysis #these poor boys

[tsukishimasbaby]

Caregiver Katsuki Bakugo Headcanons

A/N: Hey!!! This is my first like. Writing related post. In a WHILE. Sorry about that!! But please feel free to request anything, I’m kinda bored. :P

Warnings: Minor swearing but I think that’s it ???

Bakugo is very aggressive. We all know this. Pretty much all the time, he’s aggressive and seemingly angry. And this does not waver or change, even when you’re regressed. So if you’re super sensitive, he probably wouldn’t be the best for you.

However, that’s not to say he doesn’t care. Quite the opposite, actually. He would die for you and actively goes out of his way to protect you.

Oh, he would get SO mad if anyone ever said anything remotely negative to you about your age regression. He wouldn’t even try to reason with them or have a debate he would straight up just tell them to kys 💀 (me core)

He does better with toddler or kid regressors, but baby regressors are fine as long as they can tolerate his naturally rough and callous behavior.

He did not know what the hell age regression was before he met you. Honestly, I feel like he’d come off as judgey at first. He doesn’t mean to, it’s just how he is. But then he’d go and research it a bit and realize that it’s not anything weird or fetishy and is instead a healthy coping mechanism.

He’s a little hesitant to be your caregiver at first. He says it’s because he isn’t sure if he wants to focus on anything other than training right now and being a caregiver is a lot of responsibility. That’s partially true. But it’s mainly really because he’s afraid he won’t be good at it and will just end up hurting you and potentially ruining one of your only healthy coping mechanisms.

It takes a lot for him to be able to open up to someone and take care of someone like that, but eventually, he does it. And he finds he enjoys it. He finds your little antics and your dependency on him really adorable.

He’s not embarrassed or ashamed that you age regress. I feel like nearly half of class 1-A regresses so it’s not unusual at all for you two to be in the common room, you sitting on his lap with a sippy cup in hand.

Sets you up on play dates with Kaminari and Mina all the time. He wants you to have fun and interact with other littles. Plus, they’re his friends and their caregivers are his friends too.

Takes a little bit to get used to nicknames as well. But finds he likes parental nicknames a lot more than he thought he would.

The first time you called him dada was something he will never forget. You were half asleep, snuggling in his chest, when you realized you were thirsty. You lazily grabbed his shirt and gently tugged on it and went, “Dada…juice…?”. He immediately knew what you wanted and he gave you the juice. He didn’t even register the nickname until a few seconds later and was really shocked. He didn’t say anything about it in the moment, though. He talked to you about it when you were big again and he clarified that he was okay with it and it didn’t make him uncomfortable.

Midoriya and Kirishima are his go-to babysitters. Mainly Midoriya because he’s more responsible than Kirishima. But Midoriya can get busy quite a lot. And Bakugo’s also a little anxious about you possibly liking Midoriya more than him, although he would rather die than admit that out loud lol.

He can cook. This is canon. This mf can cook like a 1950s housewife it is INSANE. He makes all your food for you, especially when you’re little. He likes taking care of you, even if he won’t really say it.

If you’re like me, and you tend to have really bad rage episodes and outbursts when you’re overstimulated or upset, he’s got you. He knows how to deal with that. He’s got a punching bag in his room that he lets you beat the shit out of if needed. He can make you laugh too. You’ll be beating the fuck out the punching bag and he’ll pretend like it’s a real person and say shit like “YEAH‼️‼️‼️ BEAT HIS ASS‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️” and it makes you giggle.

Surprisingly okay with physical affection. You wanna cling to him? That’s fine. Just listen to him if he tells you to get off of him. Respect his boundaries and don’t get in the way when he’s doing something important and it’s cool. 🙏

#age regression #agere #my hero academia #MHA #MHA agere #my hero academia agere #katsuki bakugo #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #mha bakugou #Bakugo #Katsuki Bakugo agere

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Tuesday Fandom! If that's a thing lol Officially half way through s3. Insane. I love this episode. It’s one giant married moment. They are at the height of their banter and marriage flow in this one. This episode is one big continuous work flirt that doesn’t stop. Idk why people didn’t like this ep when it first premiered. It’s Chenford gold. I remember loving this kind of ep for Castle too. It was split for that fandom as well. I think they’re hilarious snippets I enjoy them a lot. The looks alone in this one are primo. This one is more me analyzing their commentary on the case since everyone is segregated in this one. But lets get started.

3x07 True Crime

We start our ep off with Tim and Lucy being the ones called to Corey’s house. There was signs of blood and they enter the house and find a ton of it. Thus starts their amazing run of snippets in this episode. They are being interviewed since they were apart of the investigation. Tim is instantly surly with the director LOL Shock surprise eh? Last thing he wants to do is be here. To him they could be out on the streets instead of this. Lucy is the natural antithesis to him about this. Legit beaming and he is miserable.

The epitome of grumpy x sunshine in every single way. These interview pieces showcase that so well. It makes me giddy and happy haha Tim wants to get out of this ASAP. While Lucy is so excited to be there answering any and all questions. Even cuts him off in her excitement. She is bursting at the seams with elation. Then apologizes to Tim but still can't contain her glee by saying ‘This is fun.‘ Tim judges her some more I’m dying. The look on his face at the end of the second gif above. LMAO

This next section I like to call. ‘How to show you’re in love with someone without saying a word.’ By Timothy Bradford. He is all heart eyes in this scene. First one he's settling in to listen. When his girl speaks he listens, second is him agreeing wholeheartedly with her assessment and lastly is heart eye/admiration city. Doesn't take his eyes off her most of this scene. They’re talking about Corey Harris’s acting class. How he used them to start a bling ring to steal from celebrities. Tim goes on to say how anyone they caught wouldn’t flip on Corey. So he got away with it.

Lucy adds in her own portion. Explaining how Corey promised his students everything. Money, fame. This in turn inserted him in their lives even further. Basically convincing his students he could control their destinies. Saying he did this because he probably didn’t have any control over his own. Tim is just nodding along with a proud look on his face. Just admiring her take on it. 100 percent loving her analysis of him. You know he loves how her brain works. He is just sitting back and enjoying her breakdown of Corey. As transparent as a glass of water sir.

What comes next always has me rolling when I watch this ep. Gotta love the way Lucy tells him like it is no matter the situation. Keeps him in check. Tim is so cocky in his deliverance of his teacher line. Smug really and Lucy shoots that down instantly. He’s all smiles (love this man's smile btw it does things to me. mmm) then realizes how much she’s got him on this. He is dead to rights and has no comeback. You watch in the gifs above he goes from smug and smiley to straight up defeated LOL

He exhales with a ‘You win’ sigh. It’s fantastic. He thought he had this clever quip against Corey. Survey says no. Wifey shut you down lmao Her face through out the whole scene is so funny. Like this is her idiot and she can’t help but poke fun at him for his comment. This moment will always make me laugh. He’s being so ridiculous and she doesn’t let him live it down in the slightest. Her reaction in the final gif is the best. Can't believe he's being such a goober. The work flirt begins and does not stop. Be more married you two please.

They end up finding a script at one of their crime scenes. The director thinks this is an odd thing to stumble upon. Apparently it is a completely normal thing in LA according to Tim. Just another day on the job in this city ha Their polar opposite replies are so indicative of them as characters. The way Lucy is like well yeah when they’re asked if they’ve written one. Tim's is an instant and hard 'God, No' LMAO. These two. Opposites truly do attract.

Her face in the first gif what makes me laugh so hard. That sheepish embarrassment. Eric and Melissa are just pure gold in this one. Their looks alone are some of the best parts besides the banter. Tim can read her like a damn book. All he has to do is look over at her and see her answer. At first he’s waiting for her to say she hasn’t either. Expecting her to follow suit.

She does not…his body language while he’s waiting for her verbal answer is so funny. Like a slow realization. Then it’s judgy city after that. The way she weakly defends why she has is too damn funny. He is none too pleased she has written one. We all know how Tim feels about screen writers. His face says everything. God I love these two sfm.

Their looks in this one have me rolling the entire episode. Eric is the master when it comes to this in the first place. He crushes it in this one they both do. His reaction to her excitement as they get closer to the climax of this case is hilarious. The judgy side eye and furrowed brow he gives her above is extremely amusing.

Tim truly doesn’t understand why she’s enjoying this so damn much. He’s trying to just get through it and be done. His grumpy old man is showing extra hard in this moment. Her sunshine demeanor despite him is amazing. She is of course the opposite and doesn’t know why he doesn’t enjoy this whole thing more LOL Lucy is having a friggin blast. Its coming off her in waves every time it comes back to them.

I feel like Lucy owns Tim’s ass for most of this ep. He literally doesn’t stand a chance against her witty comebacks. Every time he tries to be cocky or make a joke she shuts him down so hard. His crack about a woman scorned. Lucy puts him in check real quick with that one. His soft tone when he says he’s not trivializing it....(but you are my love)

He doesn’t want her to be mad at him for his stupid comment. Then she takes him to school even further with her logical stats. He has nothing to say except 'Most...'' No leg to stand on Timothy haha. Lucy is proud of her self for this one. No one puts Tim Bradford in check better than Lucy Chen. We all LOVE it. (He does too let's be honest...) This episode is pure gold for their banter. Married idiots in this one for all to see.

The director then comments on how Lucy was the one who broke the case wide open. Lucy is beaming from ear to ear. Lights up like a Christmas tree at hearing this. She is so excited to be recognized. Tim isn’t so fast to heap on that particular praise. Now Tim doesn’t give praise out easily to begin with. Add in she just schooled him in front of the director, he’s gonna be extra salty haha The director then asks well if he wouldn't describe it as such how would he?

Tim takes a shot at her social media addiction as his answer. Then Lucy looks like she wants to punch him so hard. Like how very dare he say about her. Ha She is so affronted telling the director 'That’s hurtful' LOL (but a little true...) Side note. I can totally see them in bed. Tim falling asleep to her endless scrolling. It becoming a comfort thing for him. Her going till she is ready to sleep. Shortly after him I imagine. Tis a nice thought to think about now that they're together. But let's get back to the present ep at hand before I daydream any further hehe

The cute looks in that final gif though. Be still my heart. She is so exasperated with him and he’s soaking it up. No regrets whatsoever taking her praise and boiling it down to luck. The absolute shameless flirting going on between these two. It’s like they don’t even know they're putting on a show for this director LMAO It's truly delightful.

Lucy scrambles to defend herself. It’s pretty comical. Saying she was on her phone doing ‘research’ Tim shaking his head but enjoying this none the less. Says that she got a notification and that’s what drew her eye to Corey's video showing he's alive. Lucy says she still has the video on her phone. So ready to take Tim down a peg. She pulls it up and it’s her on her own page doing some sort of dance. I’m laughing so hard.

I want to see this video in its entirety. Read the comments. All of it. I don't know what’s funnier Lucy being mortified that came up or Tim wanting a peak at the video. He’s confused as hell but wanting to see what she was showing the director. If you need a pick me up episode this is it. This one doesn’t disappoint on so many levels.

His confused face is everything after she quickly hides her phone. There are facets to her personality that allude him completely. This is one of them. Alas Timothy this is the woman you’ve chosen to love hahaha I love her being a dork sfm though. It’s that light hearted dork that brings the best out in him as we see in s5.

Their final scene doesn’t disappoint. Lucy’s face during his rant LOL. Tim going off saying what a waste of time this is, he should be doing stuff more important. Said this before but that line from Aaron in S5 fits perfectly for this rant. He's the old dude from 'Up' Such a good line because its so true for him. I love him so much for his grumpiness though. You know Lucy does too. Loves every piece of this man.

Her face is like the wife letting her husband rant even though she thinks he’s wrong. Tim gets humbled one last time. The director tells him about his last project. The way Lucy watches him the entire scene is adorable. She loves her idiot. The look they share after he says ‘Oh. Alrighty then.’ The smirk on Lucy's face. I can not. He has grown so much btw to not to be continuously defensive after he's corrected. Just rolls with it in this last scene. Like Oh... Oops.

Tim gets the last laugh though. Lucy is beaming slash word vomiting her love of true crime while Tim rolls his eyes LOL Thanking the director for letting her be in this. She is exuding sunshine and happily looking at him. When she finishes up Tim pops her happy bubble. Tells her about the thing in her hair. They’re constantly trying to one up the other. Take each other down a peg. Competitiveness even in an interview. Unreal. Lucy has his number this entire episode. So it’s only fair Tim gets his shot in last minute.

I do love in the second gif he stops himself from getting said thing out of her hair though. You watch him reach for it then stop his hand before it makes the full journey. Lucy is so affronted she doesn’t even notice. Her arm is already up and blocking any attempt to grab it anyways. I do love his almost attempt though. It's the little things.

Lucy is so mad he let that be in her hair the entire time. He did it because well it’s Tim. I adore these two so very much. He sighs heavily as she berates him on the way out. So exasperated by her it’s so funny. This is such a fun flirty light hearted episode for them. We got their banter in spades with side helping of heart eyes and flirtation. One of my fav eps of the season for them. Much needed levity after the intensity of the last two.

~~~~

Side notes- non Chenford

Not much. Was good to find out what happened to Sterling. Gino just disappeared last year without a trace. So having ending to them was nice to have.

Harper was hilarious during the interviews to always love me some Nyla Harper. ❤️

Forever Thank you to all who read these reviews and like, comment and reblog means the world :) see you all in 3x08

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #fall rewatch #waiting on s6 #s3 #3x07 True Crime #the rookie 3x07 #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well #otp: some things matter more #otp: you did good #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[inkblackorchid]

I was gonna try to keep my mouth shut, but I can't. I just can't. I have to go on another Aki rant because I feel like I'm going to explode. It's about this scene:

This drives me insane and I'm putting this under a readmore. Expect incoherent screaming, all ye who enter here.

Ok. Ok. I have so many issues with this scene. Specifically, with the way it develops later, when Aki's busy trying to figure out how to save a child from being swept up by a storm:

And I just. Look, I think the fact that I already wrote a fic that basically completely turns Aki's reaction here on its head should basically tell you everything. But! But. Allow me to defend why I think this whole scene is one big heap of horseshit, with a bit of analysis of canon and actual evidence to back up my claims and shit.

The thing is, I have seen people give this scene a charitable read. I've seen people be happy for Aki to enjoy freedom from the psychic powers that have given her so much trouble in her life. And the thing is, if this were season one or season two Aki, I would be completely on board with that take. Unfortunately, this scene is preceded by the pre-WRGP arc. But more on that below.

Moreover, I can make an educated guess about what they were going for here (in terms of messaging, because this is a kids' show at the end of the day and messaging is something you have to be properly concerned with when it comes to these). I can imagine it running somewhere along the lines of "you don't need special powers to be a hero". Or even "you can grow past the hurt and/or the mistakes in your life and still become a good person or even a hero". And really, I wish I could believe that take. It's just. The writing simply doesn't add up. I wish it did, but it doesn't.

This is where we get back to the pre-WRGP arc. And not just that, actually, but the timeskip between the dark signers and pre-WRGP arc, too. Because the thing is, the last time we have seen Aki in anguish about her powers on-screen by the time the episodes above (108-109) arrive was during the DS arc, during the duel with her father, which happened during episodes 40-41. 40. to. 41. This was over sixty episodes ago at this point. And after that, that's it. As far as the DS arc is concerned, Aki's conflict about her powers is resolved the second she controls them for the first time when her father tries to interfere in her second duel against Yusei.

(Yeah, remember this moment? That was literally the last time we saw Aki in conflict with her powers.)

And I know some people would argue "but what about the dark signer duel with Misty?". And yes, I get it. Misty does accuse her of having murdered her brother with her powers and Aki gets incredibly (understandably) upset about it. But the thing is, we know that's fake, and during the duel, Aki knows that, too. She goes as far as insisting that there were no casualties at the duel where Misty thinks Toby died.

(Yes, I have screenshot proof for literally every dumb little thing in this show, why do you ask?)

It's only after Misty keeps pushing and backing her into a corner during their duel (and literally gaslighting her) that she begins to believe Misty's version of the events. Which is why this doesn't "count" as Aki being in conflict with her powers the way her second duel with Yusei does. At least not to me, feel free to debate me over this if you wanna.

Okay, but what am I driving at here? Fair question. Let me hop back to after the dark signers' defeat.

So, we know there's a half-year timeskip between the DS and the pre-WRGP arc (which was allegedly enough for NDC to connect the city and Satellite, deal with all the social issues that entailed, and also build a giant duel network, which I will never believe but I digress). Unfortunately, what exactly our main characters did during that timeskip is never addressed, it's just kind of there to segway immediately into the WRGP setup. So the only thing we can do is guess at what they got up to based on where they are as people by the time we get back to them during the start of the pre-WRGP arc. So where's Aki at when we see her again after the dark signers' defeat then?

Oh, she's attending duel academy again now! That's nice. So that probably means the student body isn't scared shitless of her anymore and she's not being ostracised anymore.

Wow, she's an exceptional student! That means she must be a really good duellist. So she got the hang of her powers, then?

...Ah.

Do you start to see my problem? Past the DS arc, we are not being given any indication that Aki is still struggling with her powers or still resents them or herself like she used to. You could be forgiven for thinking that she's healed in the meantime. She's fine. She has accepted herself and can now use her powers safely. Which makes her later claiming "she no longer needs that cursed power" a bit... hmmm. And another thing. The fact that she refers to it as "cursed" rubs me the wrong way. After the defeat of the dark signers, she literally never does that even a single time before the moment in the hospital during the storm. (I'd post all the screenshots to prove it here but for one, tumblr doesn't allow it, and for two, I hope you'll believe I did my due diligence without it.)

And it just irks me. If the powers are still a "curse" to Aki by episodes 108-109, why give us the moment above?

And why give us this moment, where she saves Sherry, Yusei, and herself with those powers?

And why give us this moment, where she literally uses her powers at a public event to protect people, and is evidently not cussed out as a witch for it? Neither of these moments do anything to indicate that Aki still hates her powers. They don't indicate that she sees them as a "beast of burden" or necessary evil of a sort, either. On the contrary, I don't think it would be too out there to claim all these moments make her look rather badass. Like a small celebration of "hey, now she can finally use these powers for cool and not evil things!".

Yet, somehow, we still end up with episodes 108-109, where the writers expect the audience to buy that Aki was secretly still hoping she might eventually be rid of these powers after all. And maybe this would be easier to swallow if there weren't also the fact that they later literally go back on it to add to this confusing mess. Because the thing is, we all know the finale scene after the three-way duel with Sherry where Aki protects them with her powers (which have suddenly reappeared, aha!) again and also finds out she can use these powers to heal. So not only is the framing of Aki suddenly being glad to have lost her powers extremely weird, it's also temporary anyway!

So my question is. What was the point. What was the point of all this if the writers ended up going back on it anyway? Because I want to believe there's a reasonable, charitable explanation that also makes sense with what they show us in terms of Aki's characterisation past the DS arc, but if there is, I cannot for the life of me find it. If anything, this whole thing feels like it completely contradicts itself.

First, they tie up Aki's conflict with her powers with a neat bow after she manages not to hurt her father anymore. Then, they launch into the pre-WRGP arc and blatantly tell us that she can now control them. No questions asked. Indisputable fact, and we get nothing that contradicts that, either. Then, we get a bunch of setup showing her using her powers, too, and what's more, we get other significant players in the cast taking notice of it, too, as though it might become relevant. Because Sherry isn't the only one who gets curious about Aki's powers.

(I will never understand how Placido's hood works together with his horn-thingies and have stopped trying at this point.)

The literal, central antagonists of season 3-4 also take notice of it. Like that means something. Like it'll come up again later. But, well. We know it doesn't.

Instead, she suddenly loses her powers out of nowhere (and we are never given a reason for it, either, which does nothing to make this writing decision seem anymore understandable). And, look. The thing that upsets me most about this isn't even the fact that it feels a little inconsistent with Aki's character post DS arc. If that were the only problem, I could still suspend my disbelief far enough to go along with the idea that she secretly still hated her powers quietly in the background and wanted them gone anyway. What really pisses me off is that it reeks of zero setup and knee-jerk decisions in the writing room ten miles against the wind. If they wanted us to believe Aki's glad to be rid of her powers, why give absolutely no indication that she's at odds with them past episode 41 anymore? Why let her state outright that she can now control them? Why show her on several occasions using them to her own and other people's benefit, the way a hero would? And if her powers are supposed to vanish and it's supposed to make sense, why is there no reason for it? They already used cyborg timetravel at that point, they could have literally come up with any nonsense related to that and it would have probably made at least more sense than just letting her powers vanish for no reason at all. Also, if the message behind all this is supposed to be either of the things I mentioned way above—if the idea the audience is supposed to be getting is either "you don't need special powers to be a hero" or "your past and/or your mistakes don't define you and you can heal and grow past them"—why reintroduce the powers, which, in this reading, would be a symbol of Aki's pain, of her mistakes and her dreaded past, at the very end, during the finale, then? It just doesn't add up, and it frustrates me to no end.

The writers wanted to make the moment Aki realises she can help people (well, one person, a child) without her powers seem triumphant so bad, but every time I watch it, it just completely falls flat for me. This isn't a triumph, this is a hot mess of bad writing decisions. All I'm saying is, if they wanted me to buy that Aki would be happy about losing her powers here, they were missing a hefty amount of setup and also shouldn't actually have given them back to her during the finale (no, not even as healing powers).

Moreover... I'll freely admit I also have a personal problem with this scene. I've seen this show and these episodes several times by now, and during my last rewatch and my current one, something about this scene has been creeping up on me, and I think I've figured out what that is now. So I talked about the possible message behind this scene already, and the reading I've given so far was fairly forgiving. But the thing is, there is another reading that has occurred to me that I can't unsee anymore. As much as you could make a valid case that this scene is trying to say that people don't need to be special to be heroes and save others, that past mistakes don't define us, and yadda yadda, there's also a much, much less pleasant way to interpret this scene: "You're better off if you don't stand out." And I'll freely admit, this interpretation probably occurs to me specifically because I was considered a "weird kid" at school, singled out by bullies, and avoided by "popular" kids (take a wild guess why I relate to Aki so much!). And over the years, you learn to downplay that "weirdness" because you become desperate to be accepted by someone, anyone. And given everything the show gives us about Aki's relationship with her powers, it'd make sense that this idea would be buried somewhere in her head, too. It's better not to stand out. Don't be weird. Sand down your edges so there's no chance people could get upset about them. You're better off being whatever everyone else considers "normal" than being whoever you are. It doesn't matter if this is a part of who you are, just become someone else. Someone who's easier to accept. Who's easier to love. You don't need your "weirdness".

You don't need this cursed power.

You know, the "cursed power" that Aki had from the beginning of the show, that was a part of her for years, and that the show didn't give any indication could vanish. The power that we were led to believe would just be there forever, because it was simply a part of Aki, not a conscious thing she (or the narrative) could choose. The power that we were, for all intents and purposes, led to believe she had mastered and maybe even accepted along the way. But sure, let's get rid of that. It's better if she's """normal""". And more convenient for the writers, too! After all, if she doesn't have powers anymore, they can't cause plotholes (of which the WRGP already has enough) and can't possibly give Aki any more badass moments, which makes it that much easier to sideline her. And let's package this weird, shittily set-up moment in a message about how she's better off without her powers anyway. She's happy! It makes complete sense that she's happy. She's finally normal like everyone else. Ignore the way people who might relate to the character could possibly interpret this moment differently. And ignore how none of the writing surrounding this moment makes sense.

...Sigh.

Okay, I think I've let off enough steam. I just. Yeah. I'm sorry, but I cannot for the life of me view this scene in a favourable way and watching it today made me want to chew glass tbh. My only solace is that they went back on this trainwreck writing decision in the finale. Which, really, just makes this whole mess really, really pointless, doesn't it?

For anyone who stuck around this long, thanks for reading. Sorry if this got extra-rant-y. Idk man, I just think “it’s worth the effort to accept yourself as you are, even with all the bits you might not like at first” would have been a better message than whatever this turned out to be.

#yugioh 5ds #aki izayoi #akiza izinski #ygo 5ds #5ds #character analysis #orchid watches 5ds (again) #episode 108 #episode 109 #orchid rambles

[lloydfrontera]

Nevermind me asking for novel spoilers, I just waited a week and read chapter 123 myself. This was. I don't know what I expected but this was worse than I thought. Everybody is dancing and relaxing and they have no idea that Lloyd just saw or heard of all their deaths. I wonder why Javier didn't get mentioned in the ending spoiler, it's not like Lloyd to not care about him. I hope that's because Javier is all alone like he was in the book, and not because he's dead too and it was too painful for Lloyd to talk about. Which means that Lloyd/Suho died alone, technically killed himself drinking, and with no certainty that his past self would see him and hear all that. Oh gosh. That's not even something he can fight, it's all little things that nobody could stop. That's going to be interesting to see how he tries to prevent all that.

i am so sorry nonnie i kept meaning to reply to your ask but my inbox is,,, a mess alshdkddfs

this was!!!! such a good episode???? oh my god?????? i really liked it?????? THIS IS THE LEVEL OF QUALITY WE COULD HAVE ALL THE TIME???????

the change to make this particular spoiler happen during a festival for lloyd,,,, diabolical,,,, getting to see everyone happy while lloyd gets told in detail how everyone will die,,,, oh my god,,,

I wonder why Javier didn't get mentioned in the ending spoiler, it's not like Lloyd to not care about him. I hope that's because Javier is all alone like he was in the book, and not because he's dead too and it was too painful for Lloyd to talk about.

funny you should mention this because it is indeed my one complaint about the chapter lol

in the novel this spoiler isn't told outloud by lloyd. instead he's writing in a journal, which our lloyd initially takes to mean everything went okay because he was never one to write journals so the fact that he took on such a boring pastime must mean everything is fine, right?

it wasn't fine. at all.

in fact, as his future self passes every page, he gets to see every entry as things get worse and worse. it's somehow even more heartbreaking like that because we see lloyd's immediate thoughts as everything falls apart around him and not just a condensed version told months later.

but the point is! at the last moment, when lloyd has finished writing down his last entry, saying how he now just wants to... rest, admitting that he already came back once thanks to the bonus life from berkis, he starts convulsing, throwing up blood and covering the entire page with blood. and right as everything is fading away he hears someone into the rush calling out to him.

and lloyd's last word is javier's name. btw.

i meant it when i said in almost every spoiler we get to see javier is there with lloyd in one way or another. i don't know why they changed this particular detail, especially when as you said it's uncharacteristic of lloyd not to mention javier at all and someone who hasn't read the novel wouldn't know what happened to him. it makes sense in the novel because he's writing to himself and he knows where and how javier is, so him bursting at the last minute is purely for our benefit, to let us know that he is still there, he is still meant to be the last one standing, he is still the one fate wants to carry on with the story. but if he doesn't appear in the webcomic then lloyd should at least mention him in his message to substitute that.

it's weird. i wonder if they're gonna talk about it in the next chapter.

Which means that Lloyd/Suho died alone, technically killed himself drinking, and with no certainty that his past self would see him and hear all that.

yeah. Yeah. starting with this spoiler a pattern emerges concerning how increasingly self-inflicted lloyd's deaths are which is Fun :)

and yeah! we're officially into the second half of the plot where the most interesting and insane things happen so! it's gonna be real fun :DD!!!

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #tged #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #ep 123 #ch 251

[karamazovposting]

On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part four)

Since this is (finally) the last part of this essay and I've already previously mentioned what it will be about, I don't have an introduction to make, but I do think I need to give a couple disclaimers before getting right into this mess. First one: I have a lot of explaining to do because this gets medical again and I can't just assume you all know exactly what I'm talking about and/or to what extent; I hope I won't overexplain or sound condescending. On this same note, I forgot to open part one by explaining that bipolar disorder is a chronic mental illness that is treatable through lifelong medication and not necessarily lifelong therapy but not curable because to me that's a given, so sorry if you didn't have much knowledge on the topic and had to read my yapping with little or even no context. Second one: I will be using some words (such as "delusional") that are to be taken literally, in the medical sense. I'm not saying this because I think you are all stupid of course, but to highlight the seriousness of what I've been talking about these past months; it seems to me that lately medical terminology regarding mental health has been watered down a lot by Internet culture to the point of it losing its meaning, with memes about being "delulu 🤪" or reducing mania to dyeing your hair by yourself at 2 AM leading people to not take these things seriously. I don't mean to be a spoilsport or anything, I like and share those memes too but I've actually been (hypo)manic and delusional in the past so I guess I have the right to joke about it at least. Maybe it's not that serious but I want it to be serious at least here, which is also why I've never referred to episodes as "mood swings". I don't do that in real life either, even when talking to people who don't know much about bipolar disorder, because I've always found the term reductive and misleading: everyone has mood swings, it came free with being a human being. In my opinion it contributes to the misunderstanding of this disorder and the people who have it; no, we are not moody by default and no, we don't change our minds every five minutes or are happy one moment and then suddenly sad the next (seriously, who came up with these stereotypes and how?), but I digress.

This said, let's get down to business. I want to start with one detail that is either one of the most absurd coincidences in the entire history of literature or proof that Dostoevsky was somewhat somehow familiar with bipolar disorder and decided to integrate some things he witnessed in Ivan's character (I guess without knowing, as at the time there was very little understanding of it to the point it wasn't really considered an illness and was referred to as circular insanity and later as manic-depression, which are both cooler names than bipolar disorder but again I digress) because I swear I can't find any other explanation for it: the timeline of The Brothers Karamazov. It might seem like a very small detail, but as soon as I figured out the timeline I thought of fucking course. Now, we all know the timeline of this novel is a little confusing at first as there are almost no indicators of how much time has passed between Alyosha running from one house to another first and shit going down second, but in the first half of the novel we know it all starts in late August and honestly I didn't make anything of it, but then the timeline becomes clearer after Dmitri's arrest and we end up in early November for the trial and I mean, nothing particularly interesting or peculiar about a book covering the events of a (little over) two-month timespan, right? Technically yes, because it's not the amount of time that has passed that matters, but the time of the year: if it all had, for example, taken place from late June to early August or from late December to early February I wouldn't even be talking about it, because there's no seasonal change taking place in those months. August to November, however, is another story. I also find it interesting that it's the change from warm to cold weather, as it's the one that's the hardest for most people (for me personally it's the opposite, the shift from Winter to Spring is a nightmare, but I'm a rare case when it comes to that); I don't really know why, but the seasonal changes are always delicate periods for people with bipolar disorder as they can trigger episodes, I guess it's pretty much the same mechanism that occurs in seasonal depression. So, let me lay the timeline out for you: the Karamazovs reunite in late August, Ivan leaves a few days after, Fyodor is murdered shortly after, so probably in early September and Dmitri is arrested the same night, then Ivan comes back five days later, the trial takes place in early November the day after Pavel hangs himself, and Dmitri is sentenced five days before the story ends with Ilyusha's funeral. This timeline detail seriously drives me insane because all the other puzzle pieces I've been putting together for a while could be related to other disorders/conditions as well, such as schizophrenia (schizoaffective bipolar disorder is a thing too but I don't have it so I can't really say anything about it) and autism (autism and bipolar disorder have a lot in common), or even to just personality, but this? It's a little too oddly specific in my opinion, but I'll just keep assuming it's a coincidence for the sake of my own mental health.

Anyway, this means the story starts when a seasonal change is approaching, which is already a delicate time on its own, and Ivan has to put himself in an unpleasant situation that has a high chance of turning into a shitshow (and it does): going somewhere he wants to leave as soon as possible to discuss things he doesn't want to discuss surrounded by people he doesn't want to deal with. That's not a good start at all and it would be enough to put me, someone who has been medicated for seven years, on edge (and it has in the past); no wonder he's pissed off all the time. And it's only the start since, as we all know, the worst is yet to come. I love that the reader only gets bits and pieces of the build-up of Ivan's episode through the other characters' points of view and I particularly love how said build-up reaches its climax; it doesn't happen when Ivan hallucinates the devil (as it's mentioned he's seen him before and has also had other similar experiences in the past, I'll get into that later), but exactly a moment before that. But first, let's focus on the main build-up moments we see bits and pieces of before that. I was impressed by how realistically the whole thing was portrayed, especially considering that at the time almost everyting about this disorder was unknown; still to this day, in 2024, many people think bipolar disorder is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation, with the person being "normal" one day and waking up "crazy" the next like some sort of magic happening overnight, but that's straight up not true, it doesn't happen. Bipolar disorder is way more rational than one would think (very fitting for Ivan, isn't it?) and at times you do have an awful amount of self-awareness but can do nothing with it, it's kind of like being stuck in the passenger seat of a car with a broken steering wheel and broken breaks that's speeding straight against a wall; you know what's happening but can do nothing but watch and hope the crash won't be that painful. And that's how I felt reading too, every time I saw those bits and pieces of Ivan's story I thought oh no it's happening. And Ivan knows it's happening too, as we see in Book Eleven.

I've focused on The brothers get acquainted, Rebellion and The Grand Inquisitor already, but I have to mention them again because as I've already explained they're such a pivotal point; before that we don't really know what Ivan's deal is, but as soon as we get acquainted (sorry, I had to) with him we start to notice that something's definitely up, and there is one seemingly small detail that I just can't get out of my head: when Ivan gets up and starts walking after his talk with his brother, Aleksej points out to himself that he's swaying a little. Considering it's implied that Ivan has a problem with alcohol (it runs in the family after all) in other occasions too, that's probably an indicator that Ivan had been drinking during his stay. Not only is there a strong link between bipolar disorder and substance abuse (how could there not be? Shit's tough and sometimes you have to self medicate, especially in the 1800s), but alcohol and drugs can trigger episodes or make them worse; Ivan is also once again dealing with everything alone and trust me, that's recipe for disaster. And of course after that the aforementioned metaphorical car does nothing but gain speed and Ivan increasingly becomes angrier, restless and frantic: he has trouble sleeping, he starts isolating himself even more, he talks faster, his thoughts start racing, his speech pattern becomes more and more incoherent and he can't stay still as he's mentioned walking back and forth for seemingly no reason in different occasions; all textbook symptoms. He visibly looks sick too and bipolar episodes are known to take a toll on your physical appearance (I looked like a walking corpse for years) as well as having physical symptoms manifest along the psychological/psychiatric ones, such as headaches caused by stress, which Ivan frequently has, because stress is a major trigger for bipolar disorder (and Ivan is undeniably quite stressed). Sleep also plays a huge role when it comes to bipolar disorder as it can quite literally determine your faith: the the very first sign to watch out for if you feel something might be wrong is a change in sleeping habits; if they start changing significantly it means something's definitely up and you need to intervene as soon as possible (I have prevented episodes from either spiraling or happening at all like that but it takes years of practice). Ivan's sleep schedule, if we can even call it that, during his episode reminds me of my own during an insane (no pun intended?) mixed episode I've had and it makes sense since after every manic episode comes a "crash", and during mixed episodes you can crash back and forth for days; it happened to me. But what is a manic crash? It can be summed up with a simple phrase: what comes up must come down. It's like throwing a ball in the air, it reaches its peak up there and after that it's all downhill until it crashes down on the ground and the higher it goes, harder the crash: if you stay up all night while manic, you'll sleep all day while depressed, the more euphoric you are, the more dysphoric you'll be; so it makes sense for Ivan to sleep more and more as he "comes down". As for the fever, stress can do that. Brain fever is nothing but a 19th century literature thing because it's not a real diagnosis and at the time severe emotional and psychological upset was classified as either that or hysteria, which isn't a real diagnosis either.

Another puzzle piece that fits way too well is that little mention of him tidying his room himself despite having someone to do it for him; I know it's probably thrown in there to highlight his self-isolating independence, but cleaning and tidying are very common (to the point it's almost a cliché) activities to do when you're having a (hypo)manic or mixed episode because they help getting rid of all the extra energy and give you a sense of control over your life; for me it's almost compulsive (compulsions and obsessive thoughts are common in bipolar disorder because bipolar disorder is like three different conditions in a trenchcoat), I've found myself obsessively cleaning my bathroom every day for months and fighting the compulsion to do the dishes even when it wasn't necessary. It's mentioned that Ivan feels the increasing loss of control and is ashamed of it, which brings us to the very important topics, when it comes to him, of self-awareness and control.

I already mentioned it in part one but I want to say it again: control is crucial when it comes to bipolar disorder; something out of your control happening in your life or not having enough control over your symptoms and emotions is enough to send you down (or up) a dangerous path (sounds familiar?). It takes years of treatment to be able to deal with the unexpected and to let go of this control freak attitude, but Ivan is riding this rollercoaster with no seat belt so here we are. I think this reflects best in his attitude when visiting Pavel in the hospital after Dmitri's arrest, when Ivan says he came back from Moscow as soon as possible to fix the mess they all made in his absence. He's particularly keen on letting Pavel know he has no intention of playing games and it's clear he has a no bullshit allowed policy when it comes to his family, which checks out with what I went over in part three: Ivan's presence in the Karamazov household means quiet and order. Ivan definitely has a strong personality and to me it feels like that kind of strong personality one has to develop to stay afloat, and considering Ivan is not comfortable with showing "weakness"...well; I'll get to that later. I don't know if it's a middle child thing because I'm not a middle child but I'm the only diagnosed and medicated person in a family that feels more like an emotional minefield and let me tell you, I've been running that shit like it's the Navy for years and I'm pretty sure I'm the only case of a youngest son with eldest daughter syndrome in human history and yes, it's a bipolar thing. The need for control is so strong that it extends to your surroundings and therefore the people around you; I don't know how to explain it because it's not a manipulation thing, it's an I can't deal with my own emotions so having someone express theirs in an extreme way makes me uncomfortable and I also need a stable environment to not lose my mind so I need to de-escalate any situation that might trigger me thing; it's cleaning up after other people's mess for your own sake. And maybe a little savior complex, at least in my case. Anyway, if Ivan keeps his family stable he keeps himself stable as well, so he has to take matters into his own hands even when it's too late. Damage control is a very important skill if you have bipolar disorder.

I've already been over Ivan's visceral anger so I won't go over it again, but I want to spend a few words for that one part where he punches Pavel: been there done that, and normally I'm not even a violent person. It was a pretty similar situation too: someone had been tormenting me for months while I already wasn't doing good at all, took it too far one day and I just snapped; I didn't even mean to hit that person but it's not something you can gain control over when it gets to that point, so I get where Ivan was coming from and I'll defend him until the day I die.

Since I'm going in chronological order, as you might have already noticed, this means I've finally reached the fun part. Brace yourselves, this is going to be long. I don't have much to say about the whole devil ordeal that hasn't already been said, after all it's the most blatant manifestation of Ivan's mental health status, and I think it's more important to focus on what's around the hallucination rather than the hallucination itself. The first and most important thing I noticed is that Ivan is not scared, and it makes sense for him to not be because the narrator says that situation feels familiar to Ivan, making this the second time it's mentioned by the narrator that Ivan has a past history of both depressive and dysphoric manic (usually referred to as mixed) episodes, which alone qualifies for a formal bipolar disorder diagnosis; now that I think about it I could have just said this instead of making four posts about it, but where's the fun in that? Also I don't have enough information to armchair diagnose this 19th century fictional character with a specific type of bipolar disorder, so I laid out all the relevant information for you to interpet it however you want, if you're familiar with this stuff. I think he could be either bipolar I or bipolar II as there aren't many differences between those two types. For reference, I'm bipolar II (electric boogalo), which is usually mainly depressive and has less intense "ups" (mania when it's bipolar I and hypomania when it's bipolar II, but mania and manic are often used as umbrella terms and I've used them as such in this). Ivan's episode seems more mixed (having both manic and depressive symptoms at the same time, I should've explained it earlier, sorry) than purely manic and mixed episodes are more likely to happen in bipolar II and/or to those who start having symptoms in adolescence regardless of type and I think that checks out (go to part two for that). However, hallucinating a whole person and having conversations with them is a pretty big deal and my own hallucinations are nothing like that, usually hearing noises such as knocks on my door or seeing shadows or bugs at the corner of my eye and things looking slightly off and changing in shape and size; nothing big that I can interact with and I can easily ignore that the rare times it happens. Wikipedia says that any kind of hallucination classifies as mania, but my psychiatrists obviously know I've hallucinated in the past and still haven't changed my diagnosis so don't trust Wikipedia I guess, probably because my hypomanic episodes have never significantly impaired my ability to function (like they haven't significantly impaired Ivan's; trust me, he could be doing much worse). There is a lot of nuance that Internet articles lack in my opinion.

Anyway, let's go back to focusing on how Ivan feels: he's not scared, but he is exhausted and desperate. And it's heartbreaking. Not the hardest part of The Brothers Karamazov for me to read, not at all actually, but way too familiar. Ivan, who has a strong personality and a no bullshit allowed policy, who usually speaks in a firm voice and who refused to get help even if he knew his mental state was getting worse, breaks down (in private, of course) and begs and pleads; please leave me alone, shut up. He goes back and forth between desperation and rage (very mixed episode of him) and what struck me the most is how harsh his words are: almost every time the devil says something, Ivan replies with an insult or even more in a row. Yes, it's not that atypical of him considering how he talks and refers to Pavel or Dmitri, but it's, again, heartbreaking because he's never acted like that with them (or even with his father) and he knows the devil is actually himself. He's reserving his worst words, his worst attitude, his most burning and consuming rage and hatred, for himself. And he knows that. Worst thing of all to me is that at some point he covers his ears to not hear the devil, his own thoughts, and I've done that. Sometimes those thoughts are so loud that they seem to come from an outside source and covering your ears comes naturally. It obviously doesn't work. I have many other thoughts about Ivan's devil but they don't have much to do with bipolar disorder so maybe I'll write another post in the future if I feel like it. Also honorable mention to the thrown glass because apparently I've done something similar once even if I genuinely don't remember it at all (bipolar disorder also causes memory loss so you barely rememeber your episodes, it's kind of like trying to recall the events of a party you got drunk at, we're not getting into that though).

Maybe I see Ivan's story and character as less dark and tragic than the average reader does, because to most people constantly walking up and down restless with racing, out of control, incoherent thoughts and experiencing delusions and hallucinations is understandably a terrifying experience, but for me up until a couple years ago that was just a random Tuesday. I mean it is terrifying but you get used to it, after a while you understand the twisted logic bipolar disorder operates under and it becomes less scary (still is at times) and more annoying, you try to keep up with your meds and manage your symptoms as best as you can and just go on with your life while still trying to fight it when/if you can (it's less depressing than how I'm describing it I swear, I really don't know how to convey that feeling). I don't see myself as a walking tragedy or as doomed (anymore), mental illness is just mundane to me and so is to Ivan; I think Dostoevsky did a marvelous job at portraying just how uneventful it can feel from the inside and we see it the contrast between what's happening to Ivan and his reaction to it and also between the other characters' perception of him and his own perception of himself. There is nothing other than concern coming from his loved ones, no judgment, they acknowledge that he's unwell and they usually refer to him as such; Ivan on the other hand refuses to and therefore refuses to take care of himself or, God forbid, let others take care of him. He knew an episode was approaching, but as long as he was physically okay his mental state didn't matter to him. Ivan's biggest flaw is that he's independent and self-absorbed (for lack of a better word) in an unhealthy, negative, bipolar way and it only fuels his anger: the only valid judgment and opinion of himself is his own and he doesn't have a positive view of himself. The devil tells him the people at the trial will pity him and Ivan snaps; he doesn't want to be pitied, he doesn't want to be seen as "weak" because he has internalized refusal for "weakness" and "cowardice" (he asks himself if he's a coward in different occasions, sometimes straight up calling himself that). How could he not have internalized it? He was neglected growing up and as an adult he always seems to be held at an impossible standard due to the way his personality was forced to develop, from being expected to keep the peace between the Karamazovs to even after his father is brutally murdered; at the trial Ippolit Kirillovič says that if Ivan was so sure of his brother's innocence, why didn't go to the police after Smerdyakov's confession? To them that must mean said confession never happened and that Dmitri is the murderer, but in reality Ivan (poor thing) didn't go because he was delusional and thought the two of them were going to confess together the following day. People expect him to be able to think straight and fix his family's mess even when he can't. And still, he doesn't break down even at the trial: he's firm even in his delirium, he never falters, his voice never breaks, he's determined and strong like he's expected to be, even if the others can't see it. He does the right thing for himself, not caring about anyone else's opinion, and in a sense he's some sort of modern Cassandra, cursed to tell the truth without being believed by those who can save his family (and in some versions of Cassandra's myth she goes mad due to witnessing the fall of Troy). He never cries; there's only one mention of him crying in the whole novel and contrary to other characters crying, it's not something we are told by the narrator himself but it's thrown in a conversation between Katya and Alyosha by Katya. Ivan only cried in private, in front of the person who insisted to take care of him. This talk about his relationship with "weakness" and the (partial) act he puts up definitely makes more sense in relation to part three and I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

Speaking of the trial, I was struck by the attention brought to the Karamazovs', as a whole, ability to see and navigate through two opposite abysses. Dostoevsky, what the hell? Does it mean what I think it means? I don't know, but it sure is a familiar image to me and Dmitri does seem to walk the fine line between regular human behaviour and diagnostic criteria, but I don't have many thoughts about that, it could be anything really, mostly because none of them are actual real people. My own interpretation of those characters is more "literal" even if I know they're just tools to convey certain topics and messages and if you want to get more symbolic with them please do, I'd love to read it. Honestly I like the idea of a character with a heavily emotion-driven arc such as Ivan having a disorder that fucks with one's emotions so much; also seeing someone behaving like me being treated with tact and a particular kind of sensitivity by the other characters and the author himself is so special to me (at least considering the historical context, I mean they could've just thrown him in a madhouse and called it a day but nobody even thought about doing that) because uhm...I didn't receive such kindness growing up.

There are many characters from other books, movies, and shows that I love and relate to but have never seen as bipolar coded in any way, they were just relatable, but Ivan hits different as he's the first character I've seen that is so unapologetically bipolar. I've watched shows and movies with characters that canonically have bipolar disorder and even they can't hold a candle to him (let bipolar people or at least people who are familiar with them write bipolar characters I'm begging you). There isn't a single character from The Brothers Karamazov that I hate or even dislike (yes, not even Fyodor, he's not a good person but he's a good character) and all the brothers are special to me, but I just can't help having this soft spot for Ivan, I want to give him a hug and my meds.

I'm not really going to talk about Ivan's ending because while I do obviously have things to say, they don't belong here. I just want to say that him having an open and uncertain ending (I love open and uncertain endings) even more than the other characters do is very fitting.

And that's a wrap! Thanks for sticking with me and I hope this was an interesting and maybe even educational (there's a lot of ignorance regarding bipolar disorder and I try to raise awareness every time I can) read, but most of all I hope I managed to make sense. I like this part more than part three because I wrote it after surviving the seasonal change while during part three I was in the trenches but oh well, the past is past. No notes on part one and two, those are good I guess. Also I've said variations of been there done that a ridiculous amount of times in this whole thing but my Twitter display name is Ivan Karamazov kinnie for a reason. And I won't apologize for the shitty jokes by the way.

See you soon* with other literary analysis!

*= don't rely on my words too much, it could be tomorrow like it could be in ten years

#I hope it's clear I'm not trying to downplay or dismiss bipolar disorder as not a big deal or anything #I can't stress enough of much of a big deal it actually is #it's just that after a while you have to come to terms with the fact that it's your life and it'll be like this forever #there's not much you can do about it y'know #it's hard to accept but again it's not like you have other options #anyway it's very funny how I started this thing citing the specific chapters I was referring to and gradually went more and more “fuck it” #and only mentioned in which books the things I'm talking about happen or straight up mentioned absolutely nothing just vibes #this stuff is all in the book tho I swear #the brothers karamazov #ivan karamazov #bipolar ivan karamazov agenda #thoughts #mine

[amaranthhiding]

Dibs on Samuel

by Hiding Amaranth

Words: 2,194 (finished) Rating: Teen Relationships: Rowena/Sam

Tags: Canon Universe, Episode 15x08, Rowena/Sam First Kiss, Angst with Happy Ending, Angst and Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Ruler of Hell Rowena, Sam Using Magic

Point-of-View Characters: Sam

Summary: Now that the fact had sunken in that Rowena wasn't gone forever, that she was only a spell away, he couldn't let it go. He had to return to Hell.

Written for the SPN Royalty of Hell Weekend 2023 Day 2: Queen of Hell hosted by @spnrareships

Banner created by the author Read Dibs on Samuel on AO3

Excerpt under the cut

He let himself sink to his knees, pulling the boxes of spell ingredients and Rowena's journals out from under his bed. A sense of calm washed over him the moment his fingers touched the red leather cover, the same way it had for weeks now. Something to cling to in the insanity his life had become.

The magic, all that knowledge right there in front of him, had sucked him in quickly. It had carried him through sleepless nights, most of which had ended with a tear-streaked face—especially whenever he'd stumbled over any kind of personal annotations scribbled onto the pages. Almost as if she'd been right there with him.

He'd been convinced that these journals were all that remained of her, his only way of ever interacting with her again. That's why he'd refused to store them anywhere other than his own room.

Doing what we do, we've had to get used to losing people. Probably too used to it.

When he'd said this to Michael just minutes ago, he'd been talking about Adam. But he realized the statement applied to Rowena as much as to his younger brother.

With Adam, we said goodbye because we thought we had to. We were wrong.

He'd tried so hard to say goodbye, to let go of her. To stop the flashbacks of the moment the dagger had sunken into her stomach. The nauseating squelch still haunted his dreams whenever he closed his eyes.

When he'd used Rowena's spell to teleport Dean, Cas and himself to Hell, he'd done so only in the vague hope of finding Michael. The last thing he'd expected was to find Rowena instead.

Ironically, he'd spent most of the encounter too stunned to say much. And that even though he'd lain awake in the half-dark of his room many nights in a row, imagining all the things he wished he could still ask her, tell her. He hadn't thought he'd ever get a chance to.

Now that the fact had sunken in that she wasn't gone forever, that she was only a spell away, he couldn't let it go. He had to return to Hell.

With any luck, nobody would even notice he was gone. He didn't have the exact numbers to convert Earth and Hell times, but even just ten minutes here should be plenty of time over there. Archangels and God be damned, he'd take the time.

Nobody was there to keep the flame burning in case he'd need longer than the contents of the bowl would last, but he felt that this was something he had to do on his own. In the worst case, he wouldn't exactly get trapped on the other side anyway, not with Rowena calling the shots. He trusted her.

The magic ingredients were exactly how he'd left them, all stacked neatly into a small box next to the spell bowl. It didn't take long at all to prepare the spell for the second time that day. Though he was sure he remembered every word, he still leafed through the journal for confirmation, finding the page blindly. He let his finger pads glide over the elegant handwriting and exhaled with a brief smile, shaking his head about himself.

His blood was the last ingredient missing, so he swallowed and took a deep breath to calm his nerves, then cut into his palm. The feeling of a knife in his hand made him sick to his stomach after what he'd been forced to do to her. A trickle of red fell from his clenched fingers into the bowl, and he had to remind himself that it was his own this time. Not hers.

"Initium ad inferna permittatur," he whispered, his hands trembling as he lit a match to throw it into the mix.

He watched the small flame's descent and rested his fingers against the bowl's edge, the metal cold to the touch.

The explosion of purple was blinding, and he blinked, hastily wiping his sleeve over his face when the by now familiar sensation of tears appeared on his cheeks. He knew better than to think it had been caused only by the brightness.

When his vision cleared, he was standing in one of Hell's dark corridors. He still remembered the way to the throne room from earlier, though he really hoped he wouldn't have to fight his way through.

The alley leading directly to the throne room's gate came into view, framed by golden hooded statues on both sides. Several demons eyed him, and he fell into a combat stance by instinct. But then the demon at the front of the group of guards said, "Let him pass, he's on the list."

He was escorted the short distance to the gate. The demon cleared his throat before pushing it open, then announced loudly, "Milady, Samuel Winchester is here."

And there she was.

Sam had been a fool to think the second time seeing her on that snake-headed throne would be any less breathtaking.

Read Dibs on Samuel on AO3

@spnrarepairbunker @fanficlounge

If you would like to receive an @ tag when I post about my newest Samwena and/or Destiel fics or a new SPN video, let me know in a reply, reblog or personal message and I'll add you to my taglist. :)

#spnroyaltyofhellweekend2023 #Day 2: Queen of Hell #spnrarepairbunker #spncreatorsdaily #amaranthfics #amaranthart #samwena #sam winchester #rowena macleod #samwitch #sam x rowena #sam #rowena #fanfic #spn #dibs on samuel #fic excerpts

[sarucane]

OFMD Spiral Parallel Analysis 45: Izzy Being Wrong 3

Intro: What I love most about how season 2 builds on season 1 of OFMD is the spiral narrative structure. Ground is repeatedly and explicitly re-trod from season 1 to season 2, but in season 2 everything goes deeper than season 1. Meanings are shuffled, emotions are stronger and truer, and transformation is showcased above everything. The first season plucks certain notes, then the second season plucks the same ones--but louder, and then it weaves them together to create a symphony.

---

In the first two posts I wrote in this series, I had this whole clever thing where Izzy's wrongness fell into two categories

Izzy's directly wrong: He makes a statement that is factually incorrect or proved wrong by later events within the same episode

Izzy's indirectly wrong: he demonstrates a profoundly inaccurate understanding, which is later contradicted by his own character development and/or by the show's overall narrative itself.

And then I got to episode 6 and the categories broke down, because (as so often happens, god bless 'em) the writers of this brilliant insane gay pirate comedy thoroughly outsmarted me.

As Episode 6 digs deeper into the dynamics between the characters, Izzy's continues to be wrong--but I think it stops being useful to divide Izzy's incorrectness into categories. In the second half of this season, Izzy operates under certain Category 1 directly wrong ideas of what is and is not happening to characters in the story; he then comes to category 2 conclusions, which simply miss the point.

In the early part of the story, Izzy's wrongness was more or less understandable. Thinking Stede was a moron or that pirates can only retire through death is ultimately wrong, but Izzy was reaching a reasonable and relatively unbiased conclusion with the evidence available to him. But as the drama intensifies, and the other characters develop--leaving him behind--Izzy's wrongness intensifies to maintain his denial, and he gets further and further away from the deeper truths around him.

Episode 6

This is another episode where Izzy is the villain to triumph over, and another episode that starts with Izzy being right and goes downhill from there.

These quotes neatly highlight the limits of Izzy's understanding of the situation (that he's the villain in a romcom). In episodes 6-9, Izzy operates on a long succession of factually incorrect assumptions. These assumptions are only possible because Izzy is self-blinding, because he wants to maintain the status quo that was working for him or to get a promotion (an intensification of the status quo). And it's not really a surprise that he'd be this far off: he spent all three of the last episodes being obviously wrong.

And all that being said, despite the fact that he's a villain this year and a right homophobic asshole to boot--every time I take still images of Izzy being wrong, he tends to just look scared and sad. Which is rather a stronger driver of denial than anger or outrage.

Poor asshole.

So this is a "no Izzy it isn't" old school "you're wrong" moment.

And now we're at "repressed homosexuality" moment, that sort of foreshadows what's going to happen to Izzy in this episode. He doesn't get what's going on, he's too caught up in his own shit to do anything but fumble around scared and looking in the wrong direction.

Also he's letting Ed out of the harness wrong, so "factually wrong" back to Category 1.

Izzy now reveals a false assumption: Ed's connection to Stede is shallow Never mind that Fang's about to burst into tears over an actual pet, which is in fact long dead. If Stede goes away, Izzy figures the feelings and personality changes will go away too. But Stede's more complex than a dog (NOTHING AGAINST DOGS), and Ed's relationship with him is more complex than a pet. Izzy's wrong in thinking that this intervention will lead to the outcome he wants.

Izzy's attempting to use the past to overpower the present, here. At some point in the past, Ed said that love makes people weak. And these are pirates, violent men in a violent world, so weakness is bad. The idea that Ed was wrong, or that he might be able to change his mind--not even worth mentioning. Ed hasn't even noticed it consciously yet.

Well now he's just lying, category 1 old school again.

That's not how being in love works, Iz. Stede's not a doggy (AGAIN DOGS ARE THE BESTEST NOTHING AGAINST DOGGOS THEY'RE JUST LESS COMPLEX THAN PEOPLE)

Izzy already showed his wrong assumption about Ed's bond to Stede, but now he demonstrates how that extends to Stede himself: he believes that Stede is neither clever nor special. That Stede is unworthy of someone like Ed.

Izzy doesn't lie at all in this scene, yet he completely misleads Stede for his own aims. He wants Stede to do the fuckery so Ed will kill Stede, because he's working under his false ideas about what that'll mean for Ed. But he's trying so hard that he ends up working against himself.

Izzy going all Mrs. Danvers on Stede actually gives Stede the idea that will deepen the bond between him and Ed well beyond something Izzy can touch. Stede adds the kraken to the fuckery because of this interaction with Izzy, and because he wants to impress Ed.

And now Izzy makes his own bed based on his assumption about Stede. And he also hints at an assumption that will become more clear in later episodes: Ed is only acting like this because of Stede, so all Izzy has to do to make the world "right" again is to get rid of Stede.

Nah, it'll be a challenge but it'll all work out, Izzy.

Episodes 7&8

Not much Izzy in these episodes, but he still manages to be super wrong.

Ed's in love, Izzy, he doesn't have a parasite.

Izzy doesn't even need to be in this episode to be wrong! And it's a good old factually inaccurate wrongness: Izzy thinks that sending Calico Jack will work to remove Ed from Stede's ship. It didn't.

Episode 9

When Izzy monologues at Ed to try to get him to let Stede die, he reveals multiple layers of wrongness. Let's start here:

Izzy's assuming that what was true then is true now, but people change. Ed changed. Izzy doesn't want to.

Izzy's characterizing making Ed watch the man he loves die painfully as "loyalty." We're now back to Izzy viewing Stede as the only obstacle in the way of a reversion to the status quo--and also we're back to thinking that love is weak, and weakness is bad. Same old shit.

Two wrongs in one line here!

Wrong 1: Ed is doing all he's done for Stede, nothing to do with "what makes Ed happy."

Wrong 2: Ed acting like this is Ed destroying himself, not Ed growing as a goddamn person.

Now Izzy's just bullshitting, because there's nothing clean about a man begging for his life, then bleeding out from being riddled with lead.

Izzy, no he does not.

Izzy throws this in later, and at this point he's just working against himself: Ed made his decision a second ago and Izzy's been The Worst today, if anything this probably cemented Ed's decision.

And now Izzy's making factually untrue statements...

...and he's also got the wrong end of the stick, because by the next morning Ivan and Fang will be front and center doing this:

Which also reveals Izzy's wrongness about what he said all the way back in Episode 4, when Ed suggested Izzy take over for him after he "retired."

Other posts in this series:

Izzy Being Wrong 4

Izzy Being Wrong 2

Izzy Being Wrong 1

#ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #ed teach #izzy hands

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Clayton

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Tarzan is a film that has aged pretty well in the eyes of the internet. The action, the animation, the epic Phil Collins soundtrack that goes unnecessarily hard—Nearly every aspect of this film is looked on with a lot of fondness these days, a far cry from that time Trey Parker and Matt Stone had a hissy fit that they lost an Oscar to Phil Collins and made an entire episode of South Park insulting him over it. But there is one aspect of this film that you don’t really see come up very often in discussions of the film: The villain, Clayton.

But come on, he’s a Disney Renaissance villain! Surely he can’t actually be so boring and forgettable that we just don’t bother to talk about him, right? Well, let’s take a look at this mighty hunter and see why he doesn’t seem to be remembered quite as much as that rocking soundtrack.

Motivation/Goals: Clayton’s biggest issue is he has easily the lamest and most uninteresting motivation for a Disney villain: Greed. Now, greed in and of itself is not a bad motivator for a villain; some of the greatest villains of all time are motivated by greed, such as Hans Gruber. But it seems like nearly every time Disney has attempted to do a villain motivated by greed, it just hasn’t worked out well, as Ratcliffe can attest to. They did eventually manage a few solid greed-motivated antagonists in the post-Renaissance era like Rourke and Silver, but that was immediately after Clayton’s time, so he doesn’t really avoid the fate of being a rather predictable and dull foe.

It’s even worse because there is a much more personal foe, the leopard Sabor. Sabor is the killer of Tarzan’s human parents as well as his adoptive mother’s gorilla child, so there’s a much more meaningful and personal connection there, not to mention the fact Sabor is just plain scary. But nah, she gets axed off halfway through and we’re stuck with a two-dimensional big game hunter.

Performance: When he’s not lending his mighty voice to the famous Tarzan yell, BRIAN BLESSED spends his time in the movie playing the final boss of Tarzan’s story and the killer of his gorilla father. The vocal performance here is one of the biggest redemptive elements of Clayton; not once has BRIAN BLESSED ever half-assed a role, no matter how corny or flat it is (look at his performance in the insane animated film Freddie as F.R.0.7. for instance, where he plays the most generic supervillain ever with great gusto). He manages to breathe a lot of life and a little bit of personality into this not-so-great white hunter, even if he’s still a generic character at the end of the day.

Final Fate: This is perhaps the most notable thing about Clayton aside from his VA. During the final confrontation, Clayton becomes entangled in vines. He begins hacking and slashing at them, until finally he cuts through enough and he goes tumbling to the ground, a vine wrapping around his neck. You can guess what happens next.

This one stands out because it is honestly shockingly graphic. Yes, Tarzan is a bit more violent than your typical Disney fare, but for a split second you get to see the broken-necked corpse of this dude swinging in silhouette! It’s up there as one of the most brutal and disturbing Disney deaths ever seen. 

On top of that, it’s a rather brutal take on the greatest foe of every Disney villain: Gravity. Disney, much like Enrico Pucci, is absolutely obsessed with gravity judging by how often it takes out the big bads of their films. From the very start with the Evil Queen in Snow White to several Renaissance villains like Frollo and Gaston, that thing that dropped an apple on Newton’s head seems to have it out for Disney villains. The thing is, we usually don’t see the splat, we don’t see the actual moment of death. Some of them you can even pretend they survived with some injuries if you’re feeling overly nice (Gaston was actually supposed to survive his fall originally). Here though? Clayton is completely and unambiguously fucking dead, his neck snapped by his own wrathful arrogance being combined with gravity. 

Final Thoughts & Score: Clayton is almost the very definition of “mid.” He’s not great, he’s not awful, he’s just fine and serviceable. That being said, there are a few elements that help him stand out at least a little.

Yes, Clayton has very boring and basic motivations, and that don’t really put the most exciting spin on it. He’s a poacher and a hunter, but he doesn’t have the sheer charisma and personality of fellow villainous hunter Gaston. That being said, BRIAN BLESSED definitely injects his usual grandiose hamminess into the role, and his death scene is just so good… Maybe too good, honestly. His death scene is so great that it really does overshadow everything else about him. Think about it: When was the last time you saw anyone talk about Clayton outside of maybe his Kingdom Hearts boss battle? It’s really the most memorable thing that happens to him. He doesn’t get a villain song, he doesn’t really get any cool quotes, he just has a great vocal performance, an awesome death scene, and gets to ride a giant monster chameleon into battle in a Disney/Final Fantasy crossover video game. That’s the extent of his impact.

And like I mentioned above, it really doesn’t help that he steals the spotlight away from a far more intimidating villain who actually has an honest-to-god personal connection to our protagonist. Sure, Sabor isn’t the deepest character on Earth and she’s a 6.5/10 at best, but I’d argue she’s at least as complex as Clayton is, if not more so. There’s even something of a mystique to her that our maniacal hunter simply lacks, and it really is a waste she was killed at the midpoint just so we could have Clayton take on the big bad role.

Still, for what he is, he’s not bad. He’s a remarkably unsubtle villain but he does serve his role in the plot well, and he’s not really the bottom of the barrel. I’d say he scores a very low 6/10. I almost gave him a 5.5, but I think that death and the fact he’s voiced by a man who was willing to reprise the role in a video game where Donald and Goofy team up with an anime boy to fight freakish heart-stealing monsters gives him a little bit of a boost. He’s one of the least interesting villains of the Disney Renaissance, sure, but that still makes him better than a lot of villains out there. 

#Psycho Analysis #Clayton #BRIAN BLESSED #Tarzan #Disney #Youtube

[justin-chapmanswers]

Hi there! So I needed to find someone I idolized for a project, and guess who was my first choice? You! But now I have to write and I have no idea what to put so….help. Please and thank you :)

Oh golly I didn't realize the new ask-answering system doesn't let you respond to just the question-asker instead of the public. Wellll let's just roll with it.

ANYWAY. Firstly, super duper honored thank youuuu you you. Hope I'm not too late on this. Whatchaaaa gotta write about? Just personal facts? Professional journey? Commonalities between yourself and the selected person?

I have plenty of trouble with the same prompt when I would send out job resumes haha. Who the heck am I? I'll Wikipedia it a tiny bit?

My name is Justin Chapman, born February 4th 1997, age 25 (just double-checked!). I am a writer, director, voice actor, and audio engineer on the hip YouTube animated web series, Inanimate Insanity. I would follow Adam Katz's Total Drama camps on YouTubeback in middle school, got excited when he posted auditions for Inanimate Insanity, and I've stuck with it ever since- here we are 11.5 years later. Fun-ner than ever! When I started I just voice acted, but eventually more and more tasks started to open up. And every week is something different! Right now the items on my desk are music pre-production notes/guides, video editing (not for the main episode, that's Brian's job), production oversight, and episode writing. At my core I love writing and I love voice acting, if I could focus on doing those two things every day forever, I'd be an extra happy guy. Everything else is a fun bonus.

Outside of II, I went to a Hollywood Arts-esque media-focused high school and then went onto Emerson College with a focus in Visual Media Arts, aka filmy stuff. I always knew I wanted to work in some area of storytelling, but need quite sure where exactly. Going into college I thought I'd be working in audio engineering, but after a variety of courses I shifted focus to screenwriting, where I specialized for the second half of my college journey. During college I interned at Valhalla Entertainment, a development studio, where I primarily gave script coverage/reports for the higher-ups. Very fun!

After graduating in 2019, I started working at DDO Artists Agency, a talent agency in their voiceover department. I started there as an intern, moved up to part-time audio engineering assistant, and now work as a full-time assistant to the agents. Been there since riiiight before the pandemic, transitioning to remote work has been a wild wild ride.

Now I work on contracts/invoices while helping voiceover talent with auditions by day, and do my ever-changing II work by night. By no means am I naturally a workaholic, I'm quiet lil introverted guy who likes plenty of nothing............. buuuuut over time, the habit of consistent work does leaving me feeling odd whenever I hit the rare moments of not having something pressing on my plate. I'd take a breather, but it all continues to be fun.

Ain't that just the way.

[freetobeeyouandme]

Genuinely though I think an underdiscussed part when it comes to S5 speculations is the fact that the Duffers straight up already told us how Vecna is gonna go down -- in code. We just have to crack it?

Like if the DnD game with Dustin rolling an 11 and Erica a Nat 20 is foreshadowing that Eleven will lose and the second try is gonna kill him, then Erica’s character being who she is must also mean something.

[ID: A screenshot of a transcript of Stranger Things Season 4 Episode 1 “The Hellfire Club”. Erica’s lines are “My name is Lady Applejack. And I’m a chaotic good half-elf rogue, level 14. I will sneak behind any monster you throw my way and stab them in the back with my poison-soaked kukri. And I’ll smile as I watch them die a slow, agonizing death.” /end ID]

This is a wonderful piece of dialogue because Erica matches Eddie’s energy and puts him back in his place by proving her newfound identity as a nerd as she knows what she’s talking about -- but it‘s insanely specific in some instances. Plus the DnD game is foreshadowing, and it‘s not anyone that gets that Nat 20 hit in but Erica specifically, whose character we know more about than tbh anyone else in the party. So it does seem like this has to mean something, right?

I absolutely want to know what y’all think, but also here’s my attempt at codebreaking under the cut:

First, let’s break down the facts. Based on what Erica says at Hellfire this is what we can conjecture happens to Vecna: Lady Applejack, a chaotic good half-elf rogue, lvl. 14 rolls a Nat 20 and stabs him in the back with her poison-soaked kukri.

Lots of information, so let's break it down:

Lady Applejack - Applejack is the name of a character from My Little Pony (MLP), which is in line with Erica's previous interests, but it's interesting because it is the only pony that has been named by name before in ST. Namely during Dustin's MLP Hypothesis in S3, which was supposed to cement that Erica is a nerd like the rest of them. But it also includes a plot summary of an episode of MLP, and well. "Applejack gets turned into a dragon". Which interesting as it is on its own only gets better once you actually look at the full episode in question: Applejack is one of four ponies to get turned into dragons by an evil centaur (Tirek) so they can pull his chariot and allow him to take over the world with his "rainbow of darkness". Furthermore Applejack is technically the fifth pony kidnapped by Tirek because one of the previous ponies is too small and therefore not suitable. The parallels to S4 are self-evident I think, but when you try to map the episode onto the show you get the issue of who is Applejack. The first answer seems to be Max, and it could be her because Vecna attempts to take her, she is saved and then only gets taken in his fifth overall attempt. However with Max alive unlike the other three she may also be the unfit pony and there may yet be a fifth victim -- especially as Applejack in the episode only gets taken once the heroes enter Tirek's castle to free the ponies and steal his rainbow of darkness. Interesting is also, I think, the way they end up defeating him: Rather than sucessfully taking his rainbow (his powers) away from him they take over the rainbow with a rainbow of light. Specifically Megan, the audience insert human character does so (while Firefly, the special other protagonist pony, fails in her attempt to take away the RoD)

Chaotic good - this is the only thing I'm not quite sure about the meaning of. It certainly simply fits the vibe of the character, so maybe it does not have a meaning. But it might also just signal a wildcard option, and also nonconformity: Chaotic alignment means doing what seems to be the best course of action in the moment without following a code of conduct, be that societal or otherwise. Combined with "good" it means doing everything you can to the benefit of others but more on the basis of gut feeling.

half-elf - This one's a bit puzzling as well, mainly because there weren't a lot of elf mentions in ST yet. There's the boys talking about Nancy dressing up as an elf in 1x01, but none of the boys characters have a clearly defined race (in DnD terms). However, "The Hunt for the Thessalhydra", an officially licensed DnD Adventure based on Mike's campaign in S1 does come with character sheets that have races listed. The half-elf is a wizard. (The cleric is an elf and the paladin a human.) Now you can argue that's not canon and that would be fair, but it does seem to maybe point in the direction of Will the Wise, who is a Wizard/Cleric.

rogue - Is a very fun class to choose for Erica because it's anachronistic as hell! AD&D, which they would be playing in the show, didn't have Rogues but instead two equivalent classes who would have been called Assassin or Thief. Rogue only became a dnd term as a class grouping in 2nd edition and then a proper class in 3e. Which may just be an oversight because the Duffers (and the rest of the writers room probably) weren't old enough to be playing AD&D in '86, but if I was making a TV show set in the past I'd look that stuff up (It's 20 mins on a wikipedia page, if I can do it they could have too). Especially because they are careful about other stuff they reference and there ARE equivalent classes. However Rogue made me think of another anochronism in the show: X-Men #269. That's the issue Will wants to have from Dustin in the OG Montauk script, and it wouldn't have come out until 1990. However it is a thematically apt issue, as it features an X-Man getting stranded in The Savage Lands, this primeval rainforest with Dinos and stuff, and having to survive on her own like Will in the UD. It also features her fighting a zombiefied and possessed Ms. Marvel whose lifeforce she's sharing due to previous issues' shennanigans. That X-Man, if you haven't guessed: Rogue. Whose powers are taking others' powers. Which is interesting because S4 implied Vecna can take others' powers and lifeforce, which means these things are transferable and theoretically maybe others can do as he has done. Like Will, perhaps, who is associated with Rogue.

lvl. 14/Nat 20 - This one feels most like a stretch, but a) 14 is what Will rolls at the end of S1, his winning number, and b) is 2x 7, the Byler number. In 5e lvl. 14 Rogues also deal 7d6 sneak damage, so another seven. 7 is also a lucky number generally speaking, and nat 20 is the luckiest you can be in dnd. Nat 20 also means double damage in 5e (idk about Nat 20s in AD&D I have to confess), so we have that idea of 2. Further Nat 20 also more or less means hit no matter what. So all of this may just be a level high enough for Erica to fit into the difficulty of the campaign and the Nat 20 be the clearest roll that she won. But I think at the very least there is something here about the connotations of "natural" 20 and "critical hit". I also wanna say something about luck and the dragon motiv, but that is a whole other post I think.

stabs him in the back - This part is just very Rogue, because that's what dnd rogues do, stereotypically, they come at you from unexpected corners and stab you when you don't expect it. Especially with extra damage weapons like poison. But I want to bring it up on its own already because the motion of stabbing is different than say slashing at someone with a sword. This imo is relevant because of the vampire imagery surrounding Vecna. He is "undead", they talk about "driv[ing] a stake through his heart" and there is a OST Track called "Sleeping Dracula" which refers to Vecna hanging suspended by vines. He also acts vampire like in the way he does seem to survive by killing and taking over others, metaphorically drinking their blood in a way. And the way you kill vampires is by stabbing -- in the OG Dracula their heart specifically (And then you cut their head off to make sure they really stay dead). While sunlight (=fire)? Doesn't hurt Dracula, actually.

poison-soaked - A very Rogue weapon choice, but I like that it's poison instead of like fire or frost or a billion other damage types that exist in DnD. For one it's interesting in the sense that it's most associated with corrupting and taking over, so one could say, going back to MLP, that Tirek's RoD is poisoned by the good RoL. Poisoning is also kinda what is going on with the plants and stuff in S2 through the UD tunnels. Poison is also mostly green in pop culture (or purple), which, y'know, is what you get from mixing yellow and blue. (Also no coincidence that the weird substance in S3 was green and when it got out it was so acidic it ate through metal. That's Poison with a captial P). Green Dragons in dnd also spew poison (at least in 5e).

kukri - last but not least: What a specific ass weapon choice. I love it because it's a nerd thing to do, but it's also curious because there are no kukri stats in dnd. You can use one, but you'll have to reskin another more basic weapon choice, so it's not like this is an extra special weapon. It is the kind of weapon you might come across when reading up on rare and exotic weapons from all over the world, but it's not exactly a common weapon in western pop culture. In fact, afaik the only famous pop cultural kukri is that of Jonathan Harker in Bram Stoker's "Dracula" -- which is one of the two weapons that kill Dracula in the final confrontation at the end of the book. Did I mention the Vampire imagery surrounding Vecna? Well it gets even better because Dracula lets itself be mapped onto ST as well. Will is obviously Jonathan Harker: He gets kidnapped, escapes, has a mental break down, and when he finds out the monsters are real after all he goes vampire hunting with the gang. Jonathan's wife Mina is their chronicler, always associated with writing and she's also kinda the plan lady because when the boys don't involve her in their planning their plans tend to go awry - so that's Mike. Mina's bestie Lucy who gets turned into a vampire and dies is Max, which also fits because Lucy has three suitors who are all besties with each other: Her fiance Arthur, gallant gentleman, has societal sway, and has to watch her die - Lucas; Jack Seward, a psychiatrist, the scientist among the bunch - Dustin; and Quincey Morris, a foreigner with a funny way of speaking sometimes and their fighter - El. I'm not quite sure who would take the role of Seward's mentor and vampire expert Van Helsing, but I could see maybe Steve (or maybe the return of Mr. Clarke) or the older kids collectively. It's two different stories so the match up won't be perfect. But this match up certainly fits with some expectations one might have after ST S4, because it's Jonathan and Quincey, Will and El, who kill Dracula together.

So where do we stand after that? I'm not sure about all the points, as I mentioned, and so the details are a bit hazy. But I think some things we can say for certain are: It's most likely Will and El defeating Vecna together, as we have that idea of double damage from the Nat 20 as well as Jonathan and Quincey working together in Dracula. Will and El are also both associated with magic and wizardry, so they're most likely the half-elf part of Lady Applejack's identity. I think Will's way of defeating him is what the poison soaked kukri refers to, and I think it also goes back to his association with Rogue i.e. he's going to poison Vecna's RoD with his RoL, probably take over the mindflayer and with it Vecna's powers and so metaphorically cut off his head while El stabs him Quincey Morris style. I think that entire siutation is also going to involve someone else getting "turned into a dragon" though, as I doubt Applejack refers to Max. Considering Mike's position as Mina Harker that makes him the most likely (Mina gets attacked and turned by Dracula). However it confuses me that Lady Applejack is the one acting while Applejack is the one getting turned into a dragon -- while invading Tirek's castle. So Applejack kind of becomes Jonathan Harker, which means maybe Will gets taken instead. Maybe he goes to the mindscape to free Max and gets attacked there, leading to him destroying Vecna from the inside out. However in that case I'm not quite sure about the roles of everyone else, especially Mike. But regardless I think those four, Max, Will, Mike, and El are the most important players here and Will taking over the Mindflayer will be the key.

#st5 speculation #byler #<- target audience #erica sinclair #will byers #el hopper #mike wheeler #max mayfield #not gonna mention quincey's weapon the same way I'm gonna ignore Mina's full name. It's a reach as much as her name is a funny coindience #*coincidence

[quillyfied]

Hellaverse Theories: Helluva Boss S2E1

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! We’re on the first half of season 2 for Helluva Boss, and the episodes have gotten longer this season, so I think I’m going to try just taking it an episode at a time like I did with Hazbin Hotel; them being longer means more stuff to chew on, after all!

Let’s do this, s2e1:

BABY STOLAS! BABY BLITZO AND BABY FIZZ! BABIES!!!

Thanks to Game Grumps, I know who Sam and Max are now, so the fact that Stolas has a little imp plush that looks like Max makes me giggle because I get that reference.

Alright moment to shout out the quality of the animation going up pretty drastically; it was already pretty dang good so the fact that it’s even BETTER makes me happy. Shoutout too to the butler; he’s very good at his job.

Paimon’s entire existence has…interesting implications. For a start, he doesn’t even have a solid form; I’m only convinced he looks like a bird because he’s spending time with one of his bird sons. And the fact that he has enough kids that he doesn’t KNOW which kid he’s interacting with until reminded…raises questions. Like. What’s Paimon’s rank? How many spouses does he have, to churn out so many kids he can’t keep them straight (or won’t keep them straight, more like)? What responsibilities does he have to the Goetia family? How long has he been a Goetia babymaker, apparently? Where’s Stolas’ mother? Or…additional parent? (I’m not entirely unconvinced that Paimon isn’t just spawning them from his own essence independently tbh, his form is malleable and takes on many different animal aspects.) How many siblings does Stolas have? Do all Goetia get purposes, or just high-ranking ones (because lord knows it seems like Stella and Andrealphus don’t have anything better to do than scheme for more power)? Does Stolas have Goetia siblings that aren’t birds, since Paimon himself isn’t truly a bird? QUESTIONS. I HAVE THEM. Okay, Paimon specifically says “which SON is this?” so…uh…does he even count his daughters? Does he HAVE daughters? (And children that are neither?) Is the Goetia family patriarchal and sexist?? Is that why Stella is the way she is? DAMN YOU VIV AND BRANDON PUT MORE GENDER DIVERSITY IN THE MAIN CAST. Anyway. Ahem.

Stolas is so excited, look at him. Look at his widdle face. Look at his big excited eyes. NOW LOOK AT HOW CRUSHED HE IS TO FIND OUT THE SECOND HALF OF THE DEAL. One: proof Stella was always like that, and Two: what do you want to bet the portrait was taken/painted after she was told about her engagement as well? Also I question the choice of sending along a picture of a kid strangling cute animals but this is a comedy show, I guess. Oof. Y’know what’s not a comedy? How Stolas does stop crying fairly quickly, but remains visibly miserable for nearly the entire duration of the circus.

I wonder who had the idea of assaulting the crowd with clowns first, Mammon or Cash.

BLITZO AND FIZZ BLITZO AND FIZZ BLITZO AND FIIIIIIIZZ. BABIES. SWEET BABIES.

Alright, pretty sure THIS was when it finally occurred to me what must have happened to make Fizz all white instead of red: seeing him as a kid without any white on him at all. Still didn’t know what happened, exactly, but it’s really chilling when that realization finally happens, that the white is scar tissue (and such extensive scarring, too). Also who voiced all these kids, they’re amazing and adorable.

Listen. LISTEN. Turning Stolitz into a version of childhood friends to lovers is the number one way to make me love them even more. Do you know how INSANE I am for childhood pining?? The answer is very. And I love that Stolas notices BLITZO. Even at this tender age, Blitzo is different, especially from Fizzarolli; Fizz is dressed better, looks the part better, can do the tricks, has the upper hand. But Blitzo is fearless and he’s creative and Stolas is just the right kind of sheltered and twisted to be into Blitzo’s kinda violent sense of humor. The ways that they are PERFECT for each other KILL ME.

Also the way that Fizzarolli swoops in to save the show and says “Hey everybody!” just like he does at Ozzie’s. Hhhhhhhhhhhh. (Also how did I never notice before that his horn stripes are mismatched just like his jester hats later)

I notice that Paimon doesn’t specify that he’s purchasing Blitzo for the day. There very much is no timetable discussed here. And the fact that Cash just DOES IT, would have sold Fizz for more but knows parting with Blitzo for chump change will pay out just as much in the end. Fucker. Then that asshole has the gall to ban Blitzo from seeing Fizz in the hospital later??? ARGH. Is this man still alive? Can we see someone punching his lights out just once?

Also, Cash’s voice. Can we talk about that? Who did that?? Why???

Listen these two asshat dads just did a bad, but also…was there really a need to vaporize half a tent to teleport out of there, Paimon?

I’ve said it already but let me say it again: whoever voiced the kids did PERFECT. Fizzarolli’s cute little giggles and Blitzo’s absolutely unhinged energy and Stolas’ little bitty hoity-toity accent. Aaaaaugh. Shows usually don’t give us this, it’s such a blessing. (Also why didn’t we get Barb tho)

(Maybe a continuity error, but the fact that Blitzo uses ketchup to represent blood instead of something darker…y’know…kinda unusual, for a Hellborn imp. But whatever, it’s adorable and I’m enjoying myself.)

I also love that Blitzo’s first reaction to being told he’s spending the day with a prince is “ew.” I hate that his first reaction to being told to steal is “what if I get caught” because that means this isn’t the first time Cash has made him do something like this. And if he’s worried about getting caught, that means it either almost happened or did happen in the past. Let Someone Punch Cash Buckzo 2k25. Surprisingly, though, for a shitty dad, the fact that Cash uses coercion and puppydog eyes to get his way with Blitzo instead of violence is actually refreshing. Though. Blitzo is already fully aware that his dad is a piece of shit, so helping him out…eh. Helping Mama, though? Yeah, that’s the correct button to push. I hope we actually get to meet an accurate version of her in Ghostfuckers and not a screwy nightmare version, because the way Blitzo in the future falls to pieces at her picture and the way even baby Blitzo wants to do everything to help her out means she meant a lot to him. And Blitzo doesn’t seem to trust or care easily even as a little kid.

STOLAS BOWS TO BLITZO EVEN WAY BACK WHEN. This information will never not destroy me, given how often Stolas does it to Blitzo in the present. Especially since Paimon immediately punishes him for it. And he still does it. Though, also interesting: Blitzo can see Paimon moving for Stolas before Stolas can, so Blitzo’s focus shifts there; his expression when Stolas gets hit is pretty shocked, too, an expression he only gets when the situation gets really dire for him. Hmm.

“I’m so good at daddying!” GO FUCK YOURSELF. Let Someone Punch Paimon Goetia 2k25.

Because Stolas is a kid who apologizes to his dad when his dad hits him, and he apologizes to Blitzo when Blitzo calls all of his books boring, he’s so sweet and so lonely someone help him.

Blitzo is already quite the little conman, though. That saddens me but also it’s nice to watch his budding strategic brain at work already.

Okay, here we go: “Is this an imp game?” That’s a fairly innocent question, especially from a kid, but it’s also a question that’s already loaded with class distinction. He might as well have asked “is this a commoner game,” because the tenor is the same. Stolas as a child gets a pass from me for his classism, because he literally does not know any better; even his imp butler constantly scolds him for behavior that is unbecoming for a Goetia. This isolation doesn’t improve even after meeting Blitzo again as adults, but I’ll talk more about that later, because there’s another layer to Stolas’ bigotry to examine and right now I’m in cute happy kid land.

Nooooo twinkly heartbreaking pretty tune, why are you heeeere, you make this sweet moment so much more bittersweet with your presence. Also if we get a reprise of this chandelier scene I might actually pass away.

Blitzo climbing a tree while Stolas reads a book. They’re so perfect. Y’know??

Alright, this little scene by the tree here: very packed with meaning, and foreshadowing too, I’d wager. I do notice that we don’t go much into Stolas’ duties with the grimoire as an adult (it would be cool AF to get into prophecy work one of these episodes), but the fact that Blitzo remembers all of this enough to plan a heist for it twenty-five years later is impressive (especially given what he goes through just ten short years later) (…wait a second…does that throw a wrench in my math…? Later, finish this tangent first). Stolas is excited, but unsure; it’s what he’s supposed to do, but there’s already something inside of him that feels discordant with that (with that, or with his impending marriage? Maybe both, since the two are likely intertwined given that they were introduced to him at the same time).

Blitzo, on the other hand, is gonna run his own circus (after a fashion lol) and be the most famous imp ever (YEAH I’M PRETTY SURE HE WILL BE ACTUALLY, he’s already making a name for himself and has interacted with one Deadly Sin so far, soon to be a second and a third later this season half. Plus there’s my ever-looming “IMP and Stolas Get in Legal Trouble” theory) and have an office (you go bb). The hiring of Stolas just feels like the next logical step, especially now that we have a pretty good indication that Stolas is about to be possibly stripped of his title and powers (if that’s what the trial/gathering in Pride and the altercation with Andrealphus means, anyway).

Happy childhood laughter…TWENTY-FIVE YEARS LATER.

(Alright, doing my math now: so Blitzo and Fizz haven’t seen each other in fifteen years. Presumably, I’ve been working under the assumption that they haven’t seen each other since the accident, and that the two of them and Stolas are the same age. But. There’s some…inconsistencies, if that’s true. I don’t think we get a number for what age Fizzarolli is turning on the explosive birthday, but he looks young; I think Blitzo still has his braces (which hurts me in a way I don’t know that I can articulate; that just feels so young and vulnerable still, for Blitzo to not only lose his mom but be blamed and also blame himself for losing his mom, blowing up his best friend, and burning down the circus). If we assume they’re ten on Stolas’ birthday, then twenty-five years later, they’re thirty-five. Fifteen years before that is twenty. That’s too old, or feels too old, anyway. Octavia was two years old the last time Blitzo and Fizz saw each other, since she’s seventeen; Stolas already being a father while Blitzo is in braces and the two of them being the same age feels like a stretch (though it COULD happen; adult braces are a thing). So either Stolas is older than the other two by at least a couple of years, or Blitzo and Fizz saw each other sometime after the accident. Which is possible, and certainly makes more sense as to why Fizz didn’t have some sort of trauma-induced explosion at Blitzo at Ozzie’s if that was the first time they’d seen each other since the accident. The math on this is all screwy; does anybody have a better resource on this?? Fizz and Blitzo being younger than Stolas would make sense…in fact, it’s the only thing that makes sense if the accident happened fifteen years ago. In order for Stolas to be 18 when Octavia is born, he has to be ten at this birthday at minimum. For Fizzarolli and Blitzo to still be teenagers ten years later, if we assume the accident was the last time they saw each other, they have to be 6-8 years old at most. And an eight-year-old and a ten-year-old can get along much better than a ten-year-old and a six-year-old (I work childcare, I know these things). So Stolas can be 35 while Blitzo and Fizz are 33. Wow. So many of my assumptions challenged by math. What a fun exercise these posts are.)

ANYWAY HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE, one episode per post is looking more and more likely.

The differences in Stolas waking up as an adult versus a child are so stark. He groans instead of cheering, he drags himself around instead of bouncing. His hair just sort of falls into place after a brief tousle. And the Happy Pills, the most damning evidence of all. Because, uh. People who are happy with their lives don’t take antidepressants (or, rather, people who are happy with their lives don’t START taking antidepressants; people can be happy with their lives once stabilized on antidepressants). That is stupidly obvious but also, incredibly sad. And as I know I’ve mentioned before, to be a young immortal already on antidepressants because his life is so unfulfilling and miserable is upsetting.

I do wonder at how this episode would have gone if Stolas had seen Blitzo at the window at that point, though. Probably not much different.

Here’s another sad thing: Via looks so content in her sleep when Stolas checks on her before going to face Stella. I really, really hope we get an unfiltered look at Via and Stella’s relationship without Stolas, because Via’s reaction to their separation is not one of a kid who was fully aware of how unhappy her parents were together (how she wasn’t, I have no idea, because Stella doesn’t exactly hide her disdain in any way, shape, or form). Via does it without screaming but she does also blame Stolas for breaking their family, and does it the entire time we the audience know her. And in the s2.5 trailer, Via still blames Stolas for it, saying “You never loved Mother.” The fact that THAT is such a sticking point for her makes me think Stolas (and maybe Stella but I doubt it) was successful in creating a fantasy for Via where her parents were content enough, maybe even happy (at the very least, they didn’t hate each other, which was enough for Via even if she was already aware that they didn’t love each other).

We don’t know how Stella talks to Via. We don’t know how Stella talks about STOLAS to Via. We know how she talks about Stolas to her friends, to equals, but we have yet to see how Stella and Via treat each other at all, even in the new normal of screaming and throwing things. Via clearly doesn’t like that Stolas screams at her mother, even if it’s framed in the context of what Via really doesn’t like being Stolas forgetting about Via in favor of fighting with Stella or flirting with Blitzo. It is pretty damn well implied that Via thinks Stolas deserves to be screamed at and have his stuff thrown around for sleeping with someone else. “Maybe [I liked Loo Loo Land] back when my parents didn’t hate each other. And my dad didn’t flirt with some weird red dickhead all the time. I just want to go home. But home doesn’t even feel like home anymore. You ruined it.” “He’d rather spend his time just screaming at my mum.” “You never loved Mother, you don’t love me, you love HIM.” If anyone in this damn marriage is going to be accused of turning Via against one or the other, it had better be Stella turning her against Stolas, because the foundation work is already there (and the fucking messy part is that it’s partially Stolas’ own fault; he wanted to play happy families because it’s what was expected, and when he reached his breaking point, he had an affair and then flaunted that affair without talking about any of the other messy parts of himself that made it unbearable to exist in their previous life anymore. Via’s world is burning down around her, and Fuck You Dad for that).

(Disclaimer that I don’t think Stolas exactly deserves BLAME for it, because it’s an impossible and deeply unhappy situation created by others’ expectations being forced onto him, but we’re talking about Via’s point of view and she very explicitly blames her father for how miserable and tumultuous her home life is now, and she isn’t entirely wrong, even if she doesn’t have the whole picture. Hell, WE don’t have the whole picture; we don’t know if Stella going to strike Stolas is a recurring offense, or if this was the first time, but the casual way she goes about it and how surprised she was that Stolas caught her arm does make me think it happened before. And Via has NO IDEA about that if it happened, I’d bet money on it. For fuck’s sake, Stella SCREAMINGLY plans Stolas’ ASSASSINATION at the goddamned DINNER TABLE with Via RIGHT FUCKING THERE and Via has NO IDEA. Here’s something I want to see: Via getting the unvarnished truth about what her parents’ marriage was like, every messy detail, INCLUDING that her mother tried to kill her father TWICE now. Does he deserve that much, Via? Because I don’t think you think he does, even if you’re having a hard time accepting that the home life you knew was a lie. Heck. The home life she knew was a lie. No wonder she’s so messed up.)

ANYWAY.

Ugh seeing Stolas TRY to be friendly to Stella only to have his presence dismissed is just. AAAAUGH. How does Via not see this?? Stella isn’t exactly subtle! Though I suppose Via can be aware that her mother is a raging bitchface bitch while also harboring resentment towards her father for disrupting their equilibrium. Loona was right when she said it’s not as simple as that and this shit gets messy. It likely wouldn’t be this messy if Via didn’t love her mother, though. Which means there’s likely something there TO love, or at least care about. That’s a delicate path to tread, because children are conditioned to care about their parents even when those parents aren’t worth caring about, and we just don’t know what Via and Stella’s relationship is like enough to guess at how deeply Via is hurt on her mother’s behalf, and how much she knows about how her mother feels about her father. It feels incomprehensible that Via wouldn’t know, but keep in mind that we see Stella through Stolas’ eyes, not Via’s; to Stolas, she is unequivocally cruel and insulting and she hasn’t made any moves to hide it from him. Has she made moves to hide it from Via, though? We DON’T KNOW. Via isn’t at the “Not Divorced” party. She isn’t listening to her mother loudly and publicly trash Stolas in every way possible. It could very well be that in front of Via, Stella is better-behaved, and so Stella’s shows of rage post-affair are justified to Via. I’ve gone on this tangent for way too long but I’m just so enraged by it right now, and hoping that Via and Stella both get their screentime dues in s2.5 (or if not both, then definitely Via, because she matters more lol).

Good grief, though, back to the main event, which is Stolas meeting Blitzo for the first time in two and a half decades and that fantasy romantic streak coming in hard and heavy. “I will handle him accordingly” with the blush and the eyebrows EXCUSE YOU SIR.

The captions for Blitzo’s reaction to Stolas declaring “you were here to ravish me, weren’t you” is “Ew.” Which is hysterical, given that’s exactly what he said when he was a kid and forced to hang out with him, and incredibly sad because nobody wanting Stolas is the THEME OF HIS FUCKING LIFE. But Blitzo is a consummate performer and conman (he learned from the best, or at least the good enough); going along with Stolas’ ravishment fantasy is the easiest way to get what he wants, so he’ll do it. Blitzo, I will posit with my whole chest, doesn’t give two shits about Stolas very nearly this entire scene. He’s willing to work the connection, to lay it on thick, but he isn’t emotionally invested one jot until Stolas brings up how much it means to him that they’re friends. THAT, Blitzo can’t ignore, not at this point in his life, when he’s trashed just about every relationship he’s ever had. Having someone who looks at him like he hung the moon probably isn’t something even he can fully resist, especially not when he needs something from them and maybe it’ll go more smoothly after the fact if he rails Stolas into the mattress and leaves him with a positive impression even as Blitzo steals from him and illegally uses his grimoire to commit murder.

But there’s also a moment where things sort of clunk into place here—not a good place, but the place where their relationship starts that for me explains why Stolas thinks constantly calling Blitzo little and his plaything is cute, maybe even something Blitzo wants him to do (and heck, he might, in the bedroom, but we aren’t allowed in there to find out; however, context clues would imply that even in the bedroom, Blitzo probably doesn’t like being condescended to)—and that’s when Stolas thinks Blitzo wants him to be a loud, chatty, submissive bottom. Blitzo doesn’t exactly do anything to disabuse him of this notion, just sort of tolerates everything Stolas spits up at him, and with how sheltered and also up in his own ass Stolas is, I still genuinely don’t think he understands on a basic fundamental level that anything he says is a problem. How can he, when the guy he’s been demeaning won’t tell him that he’s being demeaned and literally no one else in his life could possibly offer him that context? (I will admit that if Stolas tried looking past his upbringing and seeing the world around him, he’d pick it up real quick, but that’s the thing, Stolas isn’t there yet. He hasn’t been broken down that far yet. I think he will be, though.)

Alright, stopping my own blathering enough to actually watch this scene, and can I say how impressive it is that Blitzo remembers the little eyes up top when he’s blindfolding Stolas? Mainly because I forget them constantly? Also tying Stolas up in the first place is hysterical, but I guess Blitzo doesn’t actually need to restrain him, just distract him for long enough for him to get out of there. Right before his own feels get hooked into this and he commits to “real fast.” Which is his downfall, really, but also the start of one of the most important and fulfilling relationships of his adult life. Also the most tempestuous and aggravating and dangerous. Blitzo doesn’t show his emotions, not anymore; they’re too dangerous for himself and others. But. There’s that selfie of himself and Stolas, quite possibly taken on this very night, where he looks so content, even happy, snuggled up to Stolas. Keep that in mind, because as we all know, a picture Blitzo takes while Stolas is asleep is just one piece of the puzzle.

The rest of the pieces are incoming, with Stolas’ own camera roll.

…sidenote, do y’all think Stella’s had affairs? Possibly a kinky threesome with the two friends she’s constantly talking to?

Aaaaand, here we are, fresh out of Ozzie’s, with Stolas still in his fancy suit and hungover from absinthe (which is a very strong alcohol, for those who aren’t aware; there’s a reason the serving imps brought it out with a tiny glass. Goetia resilience on display there). And his theme song is about to get words, oh nooooooo. Stolas goes through his third morning routine, doesn’t even fix himself up, just downs more Happy Pills than seem to be his recommended dose, then starts scrolling through his camera roll. In every picture of Blitzo, he looks bored at best, annoyed at worst. And this is the moment, the breaking point—the fantasy has finally fallen away. Stolas might be in love, but they aren’t together. This isn’t a relationship. It’s a comfortable lie, something unbalanced and slowly killing them both just as surely as Stolas’ marriage was killing him.

And that’s why it’s so significant to me to look at the timeline here; it’s easy to forget that these events are happening so quickly, what with the lengthy release schedule, but this is the morning after Ozzie’s, and now Stolas is looking into Asmodean Crystals, looking to give Blitzo an out, because he understands now—or, at least, he understands better than he did before. He noticed the grimoire missing right before Blitzo bit him all that time ago on their first night together; he certainly noticed it missing afterwards. He let Blitzo keep it, maybe had one or two conversations about it, and then the series practically opens up with Stolas proposing they start sleeping together so they can both get the grimoire and sexual gratification from each other. Maybe because Stolas was fluttery and happy about finally being with his first-ever crush and friend, he thought it was the only way he could keep Blitzo close (because why would Blitzo stay with him otherwise if Stolas didn’t have anything more to offer than himself?). Blitzo agrees for his business, but he didn’t have to even start—didn’t even have to agree to the deal, either, could have asked Stolas if they could talk about it later because he was in the middle of getting shot and kept putting him off. Blitzo doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do (or so he projects). Stolas has had an entire life of doing what he didn’t want to do.

Only now here they are, in a tangled web of their own joint making that’s going to break some things before they can set it straight. But Stolas taking the first steps to even out the score? HUGE. Significant, because he’s the one with the most power, literally and figuratively. Stolas didn’t have to do this. He could have kept Blitzo on a leash if he wanted to. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t WANT that kind of relationship with Blitzo. He doesn’t just desire Blitzo, he loves him, wants what’s best for him and wants Blitzo to have what Blitzo wants as well as needs. Stolas wouldn’t have given him so many outs from their full moon rendezvous if he didn’t care about Blitzo having a choice. This is just the next logical step to Stolas escaping his own fantasies and coming into the real world.

(I have a feeling Stolas Sings here has some thematic elements tying it to Just Look My Way, but I refuse to watch that music video more than the two or three times I did when I first discovered it back in February; I want it to punch me in the mouth in its full context, so I’ll just take mental note of what I’m seeing in this particular musical number so I can make the comparison later.)

“It’s annoying to hear you screeching your silly woes all the time” says the woman incapable of lowering her voice when talking about how boring and stuffy her husband is and mocking him to everyone she knows.

Unreliable narrators are a fact of life; we’re all unreliable narrators in our own ways. But when Stolas says he tried so many years to make it comfortable for both of them to have this family, for Octavia to grow up with a normal life, there’s evidence to back him up, to show that he isn’t just talking out his ass. Stolas waking up to Via’s crying and informing Stella of it, only for Stella to push it off onto him. Stolas attempting to greet his wife in the morning as he gets himself coffee, only for her to turn her back to him and ignore him and keep trash-talking him on the phone. Via’s simmering anger at the turn her life has taken now that her parents are actively hostile towards each other and not just barely tolerating each other for her sake. And Stolas says he didn’t hurt Stella, which is sort of true; he didn’t betray her trust. What he did was hurt her reputation, make her a laughingstock and a figure of pity. Stolas Goetia’s beautiful wife, so pretty but apparently not enough for her aberrant husband, who fucked an imp of all creatures. We never see anybody else judging Stella for it (or, like, talking about it at all?), but the way she acts, you’d think she’d been shunned from every noble tea party in the entire Pride ring and had her shoes spit on. Image is everything for her, but her reaction is certainly winning her no favors, either (and even her ass of a brother knows it).

Fascinating, too, at how Stolas’ firmness implies that Stella’s been dragging her feet at the divorce when it’s been months since Stolas first slept with Blitzo right after their “not divorced” party. Not out of any desire to make the marriage work, but just to torture Stolas. Just to hold that over his head. Bitch.

Alright, the body language here really does imply that Stella’s hit him before. I was already comfortable living with that assertion, but studying the animation now…yeah, absolutely not the first time she’s gotten in his face, raised her hand to him, threatened him with what the rest of the Goetia family will think and ESPECIALLY her brother (whom I’m willing to bet Stolas only tolerated because he was trying to appease Stella). And Stella might actually be stupid, might actually not care enough to regulate her reactions and behaviors towards Stolas in front of Octavia, but I don’t think she’s dumb enough to hit him in front of her. …not yet, anyway. Rile her up enough and she might. But again, we don’t know what Stella and Via’s relationship is like. But we DO know what Octavia and Stolas’ relationship is like, and I doubt Via would let it go if her dad was seriously hurt. (Which makes me really wonder if Stolas ever told Via he was in the hospital. I can see him hiding it from her to try and keep the peace.)

Stella’s choice of words here is interesting, too. “Traitorous embarrassment.” Is she just referring to the fact that he cheated…or that he cheated with an imp specifically? “And I know you’ll pay for it” because she’s so self-assured that the other Goetia family members will back her over him? It’s possible, but the only other Goetia we know of now is Andrealphus, who of course sides with Stella anyway. For all we know, they’re in the minority, but Andrealphus does make it a point to say that no Goetia has ever acted as Stolas has before (which…if the family is that big and old…I doubt it. But I don’t doubt the family’s ability to cover up a scandal before it reaches the proportions that Stolas and Stella’s divorce is about to reach).

But Stolas managed to stand up for himself, for his OWN sake, and that’s not a victory to be taken lightly for a man in an abusive marriage. But it doesn’t assuage the other matter weighing on his heart and soul. It’s fine. Full Moon is coming.

…Paimon and Cash had the same voice actor? Okay…that somehow makes more sense, why Cash’s voice sounds like that.

…yeah, these season 2 episodes are gonna have to be done on their own. Especially since every single one of them is an absolute banger. But that means this one is done! And we get to jump into Via’s head next episode and maybe relieve some of this tension I’m constantly living with trying to understand how Stella can be such a raging horrible person and yet Via still defends her! (To a point; there is a pattern where Via gets angry about something only to reveal she’s actually upset about something else, but! Next episode!!)

#quilly's hellaverse theories #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #quilly writing

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Tuesday everyone. One ep left before the S1 finale. Wild. Excited to wrap up S1 but what a ride its been so far. The last two have lots of Chenford Goodies so buckle up ha

1x19 The Checklist

I LOVE this episode so very much. It’s got a lot of underrated moments in it. But so much growth on both ends. Let’s get started.

Ep starts out with a bang. Or for them a stress really. The Rookies/T.O.'s find out last minute they have to have them do a checklist for certain crimes. Needing them to be primary on the paperwork in order to do so. Beyond unfair. Lucy looks panicked as all hell. Especially since she has 7 to cross off. Jackson has 3 and Nolan of course has none. They have only 2 days to accomplish this task. Ridiculous.

Lucy needs auto theft, carjacking, ethical dilemma, meth possession, a false I.D., assault on a peace officer, and damage to city property. Tall order to say the least. Tim is raging in his seat. Can feel the waves of anger coming off of him. Completely BS to ask this of them so late in training. If they don’t accomplish this they fall behind in the program and are extended. Putting them all under the gun for the next 48 hours. Well except bloody Nolan haha

Tim tries to find an easy check mark for Lucy. A guy named Fred who always is carrying meth comes up clean. Lucy is instantly irritated this guy isn’t carrying. Fred tells him sorry LOL That he got clean has his 30 day chip. Tim makes a joke to Lucy about it. Saying never thought he would. It’s inspiring actually haha. Lucy is having none of it. She’s been pre panic spiral since the news hit. Look at her flexing fingers. Girl is stressed af. Understandably so.

Tim goes into the mode he does best with Lucy. De escalating her. Gives her a dose of logic with a hint of funny. I still love the funny has been added in. Tells her that there are 18 million people in LA they used need them to break very specific laws for them LOL Tim is actually very funny in this episode. Trying to keep it light for her while also taking it seriously. It’s a great balance from him in this one. Poor Lucy is not about it right now. That is all over her face when their next call comes in.

She could not be more agitated with this whole situation right now. You can tell she's so close to losing it. On the razors edge really. Tim once again makes it a little lighter and says hey maybe he’ll attack you? It cracks me up because you can see the hope in her face after he makes that joke. I love these two so much it’s insane. Tim trying to make each call positive and an opportunity for her.

She’s actually excited this call could turn ugly so she can get something checked off. Possibly get 'Assault on a Peace Officer' knocked out. Too funny. I just love how much he wants her to succeed. He is doing anything to keep her head in the game. Can't let her get into quit mode whatsoever. Lucy has a pep in her step after his comment and that’s all he’s wanting right now.

They hit mid day and go get lunch. Tim and Angela talking about how stressed they are. Lucy hasn't gotten one box checked yet. Jackson has gotten one and he only has 3 total. Much easier than what Lucy has. A call comes in that could check something off for her. Unfortunately it can for Jackson too. So Angela jumps on the call as well. Tim is instantly livid. I love him saying she needs it more. That's right she does. They’re drowning and this is a life raft Lopez is trying take from them. He won’t stand for it. I love it sfm. You can see his stress here. Only time he lets it out when he's not around Lucy.

They miss out on Lucy getting the call and it goes to Jackson. (Boooo). They've reached the latter half of their shift still nothing. They’re going through a neighborhood running plates. Tim's informant told him this would be a good spot for auto theft or car jacking. They've had high amount of reports lately. This begins my second fav moment of the entire episode. Something finally pops up and they pull a lady over for plates not matching her vehicle. Lucy gets excited as does Tim and he tells her to light them up.

What goes from excitement about a box being ticked off quickly dissolves. Lucy can instantly see this lady didn't mean anything malicious by switching the plates. They just simply couldn't afford to register both. This goes from a simple stop to something much more. They both know it and its clearly written all over their faces down below.

The silent communication in just this one gif my god. If you needed an example of that on full display look at this beautiful gif. Sweet lord. Lightning in a bottle chemistry these two. I have no words other than i'm in awe. Lucy goes from excited she got a box to this isn’t the right way to get it. That’s what’s being communicated in these looks right here. That ethical dilemma presented itself and it’s known between them with just a look. Lucy’s empathy is kicking into overdrive here and needs a minute to confer with Tim.

It’s very obvious Lucy doesn’t want to get her checkbox this way. I love her so very much for it. It’s killing her she has to pick between her empathy/what's right and what she needs to do not to be held back. This whole scene is a window into who Lucy is as a person. Who she longs to be as a cop. If her father could see this moment he wouldn’t chastise her so damn much. See how her empathy drives her decisions in the best way. Wouldn't look down on her being a cop as much as he does.

This part here is what impresses Tim the most and me too tbh. Despite all the pressure Lucy is under she refuses to let it change the kind of cop she wants to be. Won't sacrifice this woman for her one box to be checked off. Isn't willing to compromise her morals for it. Tim gives her advice in this scenario but ultimately lets Lucy be in the drivers seat for the outcome. Lucy decides to cut the lady loose and let her off with a warning instead of citing her.

What I love the absolute most about this scene is how Tim lets her run the show. He gives minor advice but she makes the call in the end. How far we’ve come since 1x14 where all Lucy did was second guess herself. This scene shows growth for the both of them. Tim in trusting her to make the right call. No sass, no hard ass just trust. Lucy for going with her gut without question even if it might cost her. Doing the right thing instead of just checking a box.

Lucy is so caught up in the ethical dilemma itself she doesn’t realize it ticked a box. That her empathy could be used to do as such. Tim didn’t interfere at all for that reason. He knows one of her biggest strengths is her empathy. He didn’t sway her one way or another. Much different silence for this than his silence for the van incident back in 1x14. He too learned from that day. He knew she’d make the right call and she did (again just like Plain clothes day). Tim see's that empathy as an incredible asset for her and she just showcased it without realizing it. One down. It doesn’t seem like a win to Lucy right now, but in the long run it most definitely was. For far more than just crossing a box off her list.

Makes me so happy you can see the absolute pride on Tim’s face in both of these gifs. These are the moments that truly reinforce that belief he has in her. He's proud for a couple reasons. One. Lucy went with her gut under pressure and didn’t waver. Not even a little bit. She talked it out with Tim but was firm in what she wanted to do and why. Two. Tim is so proud of her for doing the right thing. Even if it meant falling behind in the program. She was willing to do that. So just like in 1x15 when Lucy was impressed with his moral compass, Tim is with hers in this moment.

Next day rolls around and they’re still 6 in the hole unfortunately. Despite the morale victory of the night before, Lucy is very defeatist at this point. Feeling failure is nothing but imminent now. Tim refuses to let her feel this way. Won’t let her start the day like they’ve already lost. They’re getting across that finish line even if he has to drag them across it by the skin of their teeth.

They get a call as they’re gearing up for one of Lucy’s boxes. Tim being confident as ever tells her they’re still in it. Right now she needs that cocky Tim Bradford swagger. The same confidence he had in 1x05 for the round up. He’s just as excited if not more than that moment to get this call for her. Lucy can feel the tide turning. She is feeding off of his energy now. The fuel she needed to start the day.

It’s written all over her face in that last gif how much it means to her. That smile she can't contain. The 'No Quit' he has for her. She knows he has her back. Will go to the ends of the earth to get this done for her. If Tim has to carry her with that confidence the rest of their shift he’s going to. He won’t let her be defeated by this. He can’t.

Their destruction of city property call ends up racking up boxes for Lucy. Good karma from the night before I think. Tim is smiling every time they get a new one. As is Lucy. This girl has no idea how she’s making their day. Tim and Lucy are both beaming at their luck. They get all the way up to 4 boxes in that one call. 6 down one to go. All that's left is meth possession.

We get to end of shift and see Lucy is short a box. She is deflated and sad that she is going to be held back. Lucy starts to put her stuff away assuming its over. That's when Tim catches her. This is my favorite moment of the ep. Why you ask? It’s because he refuses to let her fall short. Tim is battling for her career. (And it wouldn’t be the first time.)

While she was packing up the shop he was getting OT approved for them both. Amazing. Before Lucy his rookies could wash out and it didn’t mean much to him. Hell I think he thrived on when they did. To him he was weeding out the bad apples before they could hit the streets. If they couldn’t make it through his training/standards they had no place being a cop. Then comes Lucy Chen barreling into his life.

The woman who not only has thrived and grown off his challenges but challenged him back. Tim saw the instinct in her from day one. When she brought that “low hanging fruit” in and started her career off with a bang. He saw her with the potential to be the best rookie he ever trained. (spoiler alert she is) She proves him right on a daily basis. Tim wasn’t going to let some bureaucratic bs take her out. If it took OT to save her then damnit it all that’s what they were going to do.

Look at the relief and joy on her face. Also a little shock mixed in as well. Just like in 1x14 Tim is fighting tooth and nail to keep her. Lucy needed this not only for her checkboxes but her self esteem. Her self worth. Showing she is worth it. Lucy is almost in disbelief he’s doing this for her. Like I said in my 1x18 review her and I have similar parents.

So when you find someone who believes in you, fights for you and builds you up it’s almost hard to accept. Because you're so used to being torn down. Even though as a viewer we can see Tim would do anything for her, Lucy still finds it hard to believe. He is saving her career here and not batting an eye to do so. I love it so much. I love them. Fantastic episode. Such good stuff. It's definitely one of the best of the season IMO.

~~~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

Meh. Not much Chenford drove this episode like they do most. You can see Jackson starting to crumble a bit. He's letting go of who he thought he should be for his dad. Interesting arc for him. Makes him more human. That's about it for non chenford for me really ha

As always thank you thank you to all who like/comment/reblog these reviews. Highlight of my day when I see those notifications pop up on my phone. I shall see you all in the finale 1x20 :)

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