#the only one who listened fully to the cd and decided to write down the locations without it being relevant yet

[willowfey]

ignore this i just wanna ramble in the tags for a sec i’ll probably delete it in a bit 🤪

#did an escape room with the fam on my sister’s birthday two days ago and my brother made me feel stupid the entire time #wouldn’t listen to me wouldn’t share or let me help and then act like i wasn’t helping (??? let me then) #and because he’s Loud my whole family was following his lead and ignoring me #but in the end i was the reason we won bc i was the only one who immediately understood the word riddles AND the one who wrote down #all the numbers he said we wouldn’t need. i was the only one who could connect the past information with the current problem #the only one who listened fully to the cd and decided to write down the locations without it being relevant yet #the only one who thought the tiny details might be relevant and the only one who automatically fixed his mistakes bc i noticed a pattern #and in the end still got no credit for anything (except from my mom) even tho if they had listened to me from the beginning they would’ve #been less stressed and finished sooner #then at the restaurant he didn’t listen to me again and we ordered too much even tho i told him we wouldn’t need it #THEN after dinner my grandma started texting me all frustrated telling me i need to keep my aunt updated on what’s happening thru the day #so she doesn’t feel left out. bc she’s having a rough time lately. bc it’s my job to make everyone feel better #FIRST of all this woman ignored me for years when her ex husband decided i wasn’t worth it #and now suddenly it’s my job to keep u informed on my every move so u don’t feel left out?? text me urself. ask what i’m doing. #ask HOW i’m doing??? do u even care beyond a ‘what colour is your sturdiness today namaste’ #every time my aunt complains about the tiniest thing and starts crying about it it my grandma blames everyone else #no one even knows or cares if i’m having a rough time #she came to ‘help’ when my mom was sick and i did everything for her instead. and then she threw a fit when i wouldn’t eat her salad #when i was too exhausted from staying up all night with my mother to go on a run with her the next day #my mom finally got mad at her for implying i’m lazy all the time and told her i’m ‘neurodiverse’ and do things my own way and she didn’t #even know what that meant so my mom was like ‘on the spectrum ‘ and my aunt just got mad that she had never told her #would it have made a difference at all? would u have expected different from me? #meanwhile i’ve done so much for my cousin… including taking care of luca the entire time she stayed with us. i had him all the time #i didn’t mind. i love that kid more than anything. but everyone expects everything from me like it’s just a given #i talked her through every problem every breakdown walked on eggshells to keep her happy and then what does she do when she leaves? #ignores me. doesn’t come back when she said she would. complains that i don’t include her in things #bc sometimes i have quiet conversations with my sister so i don’t bother everyone #and then gg wants to know why i won’t come see her? why i won’t drop everything to fly there? my aunt wants to know why i don’t call? #because despite loving me u have made me feel inadequate my whole life. some of u more than others #and i’m tired. and it’s time for me to Be me For me without justifying it to everyone else.

[josilverdragon]

my music choices last year and continuing on in 2023

TL;DR, I still have to listen to the rest of this Angela Aki album, “Home”, before I can enjoy the new Trigun Stampede soundtrack lol. 

I made a rule last year sometime, that when I add music to my personal library on my computer, I must listen to it at least once. The reason behind this is I have been prone to just hear a song once, love it, and then add everything else that artist or band or whatever has done and I end up with music I don’t even know.

This is in line with my decision to buy more physical media, such as CDs or DVDs/BluRays, because if everything is on streaming and something happens where the company decides to remove it all and write it off as a loss (looking at the WB/discovery/HBO merger last year) and you cannot find it anywhere. 

So this does mean I pay more money than a monthly fee for streaming, but it also means if I don’t have an internet connection (blasphemy! I know!), the media I own, is, in fact, playable and mine. I live in an area where for a long time there was no cell service and if you have no connection, some of these streaming platforms won’t even load, even if you have music downloaded to play offline. I also grew up in a time where cell service was just calls and texts. And maybe some games but ultimately, I remember what it’s like and I am getting back to that mindset.

I love streaming still and I have the income now to have streaming and buy the media I love. I have no judgement towards anyone who can only afford one or the other. This is just what I’ve chosen to do and if you do the same, great. If not, well, it’s none of my business.

This last year I removed all the music from my music player on my laptop (I didn’t get rid of the music, just removed it from the library lol) and have been adding things as I feel like and making sure I at least listen to it once and if I don’t like it, removing the song, or whole thing, if I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t listen to it again.

Such as this Angela Aki album. I liked listening to it years ago (it’s from 2006; I feel older every day lol), but there is only one song on this album that I really love, which is Your Love Song. I don’t know how many times I listened to that one.

I am excited to hear the Trigun Stampede soundtrack and that has no bearing on my enjoyment of Angela Aki. She has some good songs and maybe I’ll feel more into it further down the road. But herein lies the issue as I mentioned before: I’d just save loads and loads of music from artists I think I’d like without giving each album or EP the attention they deserve to fully understand my feelings and enjoyment of such.

This became an issue because I couldn’t really pinpoint who my favorites were. I knew I liked certain bands or artists, but hadn’t listened to them in years. So this whole way of doing things gives me the opportunity to enjoy and listen and keep only what I enjoy.

And if you’ve read this far, then know that I’ve reached the Trigun Stampede soundtrack finally and I love it. 

cross-posted here

#music #how I choose to consume music now #as well as add it to my library #long post is surprisingly long #haven't just blogged in a long time #so this is cool lol #personal #personal choice

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Parallel School Series: Junior High School Student Saitama

Translated by @vibhavm with additional help from Redditors /u/graywords and /u/lucci85.

As part of the drama CDs from 2017, ONE didn’t just write stories set in the canonical story.  He also penned lighter-hearted alternative universe stories, set in a high school... with predictable hijinks.

Audio link: https://soundcloud.com/vibhav-745976766/parallel-school-series-junior

We start:

Saitama (Sa): In this universe, there exists another world different from our world, a parallel world. This is another me, another Saitama, who lives in that parallel world.

Sonic (So): And I, Speed o' Sound Sonic, who went out of my way to transfer to Z Municipal Peace Middle School to settle my dispute with this Saitama!

Sa: (Well, there he is.)

Sa: (What's with the attitude?)

So: On the blood-covered battlefield known as the Sports Festival, in truth I was not really motivated for it, but I was unconsciously beginning to display my true abilities as the strongest ninja, and would unexpectedly become the star of the Sports Festival!

Sa: (It's just at a regular middle school sports festival.)

Sa: (I guess there are guys like that, who pretend they aren't motivated but are actually super excited.)

Sa: (Huh, so you really participated that much?)

So: This... is the lightning-speed sports documentary that recorded my heroism!

So: It’s the day before the Sports Festival.

So: To do image training for the bread eating contest, I was running to school eating a piece of bread.

Sa: You are fully motivated, aren’t you. I haven’t seen a guy like that.

So: Well now, Speed-o’-Sound Sonic, this is the last lap and I’m on one last straight line. It’s the last spot!

So: Fast! Fast! Crazy speed! Now, overtake Saitama running in front of you! Eh, seriously?!

Boom

So: Why the hell were you there on the last straight line?!

Sai: Huh? You tripped and fell on your own, what are you talking about?

So: gasp Hmph, you’ve got the wrong idea.

So: Running to school eating a piece of bread to do image training for the bread eating contest...

So: ...I was doing nothing of the sort! Not at all!

Sa: We don't even have a bread eating contest at our Sports Festival.

So: Eh… Anyway, tomorrow's sports day, be prepared for it! I’ll beat you up until you can’t stand, without fail!

So: I’ll turn the sports day into a bloodbath!

Sai: Uhh, you and I are on the same go-home club team.

So: Eh.. Uh… Hmph…

Music and fireworks

PPP: Sooo, let’s start this year’s Z-City Peace Junior High School Sports Day.

PPP: A physical festival, where muscles will clash with muscles!

PPP: I’m Puri Puri Prisoner, the speaker, i’m very fond of young boys.

PPP: And for the commentator… the well-known first-year junior high school student, Sweet Mask chan is joining us!

SM: Thank you for having me.

PPP: Well then, Amai Mask chan, you hold your annual winning streak with your Student Council team: what’s your outlook for this year?

AM: It goes without saying. This year too, my Student Council team will win without fa-

So: Hehehehehhehe. You’re pretty foolish, Student Council.

AM: Huh! You are…

So: chuckles

AM: Who are you?

PPP: This month a new student was transferred in this school for an exchange draft, B-group, attendance number 8. You’re Speed-o’-Sound Sonic-chan! You prefer a 40-degree temperature for your baths, and you enter the bathtub from the right. And apparently you don’t sleep in a bed but in a futon.

So: Ugh, why do you know so much about me!

PPP: It’s natural for teachers to keep the profile of their cutest students.

So: Anyway! This year's "go-home club team", teamed up with me, Speed o' Sound Sonic, their Golden Rookie, will be on a completely different level than before!

SM: Hmph. So the number of small fries increased by one-

So: I’m not alone.

So: The only man I consider a rival, Saitama! His gofer, the cyborg Genos! Furthermore, the strongest man, King is also here!

So: With those three, everything should be treated very seriously!

PPP: Are you talking about those 3 hurriedly eating over there?

Genos (Ge): Captain Saitama, what would you like as ingredients for the rice balls?

Sai: Salmon for me.

Ge: And you King senpai?

King (K): Tuna.

So: Hey! What are you doing relaxing! The fight is about to start!

Sa: Hm? Mmm..mmm… You wanna eat too? gulp Genos’s Fried Rice Balls are pretty tasty.

So: Mm, well now, let me see.

So: Mmmh, the sweet savoury smell of soy sauce with barley rice flour is- HEY YOU ALL!

Ge: Hmph. The Rice Balls weren't for you in the first place.

So: Tch, this guy.

AM: Did you already fall out with your friends? You can’t challenge our strongest student council team in such a mess.

AM: You should know your social standing. You’re an eyesore. It’s best if you quickly run home.

So: Such a way of talking…

So: You all! Aren’t you annoyed by how he’s talking to us!

Sa: Genos, grab me a barley tea?

King: Yeah, me too!

Ge: Ah, yes!

So: These guys are hopeless. They don’t listen at all…

AM: Heh, good luck with that. It’s going to be useless though. Hahahaha.

So: Tch, you bastards! You’ve acted like this all the time！

Ge: It’s according to plan. With this, the student council has let their guard down.

So: What?!

So: That means, could it be… their lax behaviour up until now…

Ge: Hmph, obviously. It was a fake in order to fool the opponent. Right, Captain Saitama?

Sa: Mh? What did you say?

Ge: Sonic, was it? How can’t you understand that even though you say you’re a ninja?

So: Uh...

So: I don't like your tone of voice, but....

So: I see. As expected of Saitama. I don’t see you as my rival for nothing.

PPP: And noooow, the first event, the mock cavalry battle is starting.

PPP: All contestants, please reach your friends!

Ge: Now then, Captain Saitama, King Senpai, let’s head into battle!

Sai: Ehhh, I'm full from overeating Rice Balls. Is it necessary to have four people? What a drag.

So: This isn’t a strategy at all is it!

SM: After all, the mock cavalry battle finished and naturally our student council team’s victory was secured. The home team was totally unfocused. But I won’t talk about it, because it was quite an embarrassing sight.

So: What a way of talking…

PPP: Well, apparently the Student Council Team is overwhelmingly above the others and leads the chart as of now.

AM: It seems the match is settled.

So: The student council team is 1280 points ahead huh. But there’s one last match.

So: The opposition club activities relay is left!

King: That's right, I believe the team that wins the relay gets 9 times the points.

Sa: Wait, that's way too many.

Ge: I see. If we win the relay, that means we can win by 8,999,999,998,720 points, then.

Sa: Huh. Did we really need that calculation?

So: Anyway! The game starts now! Just you watch, Student Council!

AM: Hahahaha, I could say the same to you from the horrible state you seem to be in.

AM: Everyone! They may be in last place, but the Go-Home Team is desperately trying hard, so please give them a round of applause!

AM: However, I, Amai Mask, pledge that my Student Council team will win the final opposition club activities relay, and achieve complete overall victory.

crowd applauding

So: Tch, what an unpleasant guy.

AM: Good luck to you all, even though I think you’re hopeless.

So: You all, despite being made such a fool of, you’re still-

Ge: All according to plan, this time for sure the Student Council has let their guard down.

So: gasp

So: So you mean... this pathetically slow start... I can't believe it!

Ge: Obviously, this is the final event that will decide everything.

Ge: It was a strategy to retain stamina until the opposition club activities relay. Right, captain Saitama?

Saitama: Man, I'm gettin' sleepy now.

So: I see, to deceive your opponents, you must first start with your allies. I was completely deceived.

So: Alright! Well then, let’s decide on our running order immediately!

Ge: Captain Saitama, what number would you like?

Saitama snoring

K: He’s having a sound nap.

So: This definitely isn’t a strategy at all is it!

PPP: Ok, time for the final event! The activity is the relay fight! The winning team will not only receive 9 times the points, but also a prize of 50 thousand yen!

So: Eh!?

K: Oh, you woke up.

So: So basically, I’ll be running for all 3 people?!

Sa: Well, what number do you want me to run in, Sonic?

So: Saitama…

Ge: Captain…

PPP: Well then, starting off with our first runners -- for the Student Council, their secretary, Drive Knight Chan!

DK: At last, it’s my turn…

PPP: And the go-home team self proclaimed vice captain, Genos-chan!

Ge: For the sake of the Go-Home club, I cannot lose!

PPP: Everyone is ready for the start...

mechanical sound

PPP: Wow, Drive Knight-chan! The lower half of his mechanical body transformed into a horse-shaped one!

PPP: Amai Mask chan, isn’t this foul play?

AM: Obviously, this is not foul play. As the opponent is also a cyborg.

PPP: That’s true…

DK: Genos-kun… This is the latest model lower body I prepared for this Sports Festival. The likelihood of you winning again such equipment is next to zero.

Ge: hmph, next to zero you say?

DK: That’s right. Therefo-

Ge: So you mean, it’s not zero, right.

mechanical noise

PPP: The race finally begins! Drive Knight chan and Genos chan, the two advance at a speed that far surpasses human expectations!

running and trotting noise

PPP: Oh, as expected, the performance is different. Drive Knight chan is leading.

DK: Of course...

Ge: I see. Naturally, I can’t best him in leg power. However…

mechanical sound

Ge: Incineration cannon!

Explosions noise

PPP: Ah, what was that?! Drive Knight-chan was blown away by Genos-chan’s Incineration cannon and went out of bounds! And in that moment, Genos-chan has pulled ahead!

AM: That damn Go-home team…

AM: The use of weapons is against the rules!

So: What an idiot! That’s nowhere in the Sports Festival’s guidebook!

AM: Son of a... If it's come to this, I'll just use my position in the Student Council to mark this as a loss for the Go-Home Club due to foul play...

DK: There is no need for that.

AM: Drive Knight!?

DK: I told you, didn’t I? My equipment is the latest model.

DK: If you are going to come at me with weapons, I will counter-attack with even stronger weapons.

DK: Tactical Transformation: Sports Festival Special.

PPP: Oh, Drive Knight-chan’s horse part transformed again! This time it transformed into a missile!

PPP: Ah, look out Genos chan!

Shit ton of noise

PPP: The missile shot by Drive Knight-chan landed! Genos-chan’s body is in pieces. I feel so sorry, Genos-chan! Drive Knight-chan goes right past him!

DK: Sorry, Genos-kun. However, this is reality.

PPP: How can you call this a sports festival anymore?! The other runners have lost their fighting spirit and are falling apart one after another!

AM: As expected of Drive Knight. This match is already over.

G: I wonder about that.

AM: Hah! Genos-kun, with that broken down body, what can-

G: Rocket Punch!

AM?: What?!

Genos’s theme playing

PPP: Oh! Genos’s right hand holding the baton is flying off at even faster speed!

DK: Huh, impossible.

PPP: In a blink of an eye, the second place runner flies past Drive Knight to Sonic-chan!

G: Even if my body is broken and scattered into pieces, I will definitely pass the baton! That is the spirit of the going-home club team!

So: Hmph. Good performance for someone who’s Saitama’s errand-boy.

So: Now it’s up to me, Speed o’ Sound Sonic!

PPP: Wow! The Go-Home team takes the lead, and right after that, the baton of the Student Council team goes to its second player, Flashy Flash-chan!

DK: Forgive me, Flash. It’s up to you now.

Flash (FF): Leave it to me.

So: I’m gonna win this by a landslide！

PPP: Now; it’s a match between Speed o’ Sound Sonic chan and Flashy Flash chan!

PPP: Both have the cute face and speed I love so much. So, so fast!

So: That Student Council guy, he’s not bad…

So: Still, can you actually follow me like this?

FF: Seems like a good runner for the Go-Home team...

FF: still, don’t think you can win against me in speed!

PPP: They both fast, Fast, FAST!! I mean, they’re so fast I can't see them at all! I can’t see anything, it’s all enveloped in a cloud of dust!

So: Alright, take it, Saitama!

Sa: Eh? Where?

Sa: I got dust in my eyes, I can’t see a thing.

So: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? QUICKLY TAKE THE BATON!

FF: Take it, Zombieman!

Zombieman (ZM): Right, nice job Flash!

So: Hey, carry across the baton Saitama!

Sa: I can’t remove the dust in my eyes…

So: JUST RUN SAITAMA!!!

PPP: Anyway, I couldn’t see anything at all, but it seems like the third runners, Saitama-chan and Zombieman-chan started at almost the exact same time!

So: It seems that everyone has had a chance to see Sonic at the speed of sound!！

PPP: Nope, I didn't see you at all, Sonic chan.

So: What?

PPP: Nobody could see it, too bad.

So: Eh…?

FF: Hey, are you alright? You look like you’re on the brink of death.

PPP: Meanwhile, Saitama is nowhere to be seen!

So: Huh, what did you say!?

PPP: Saitama chan, where did you go off to?

sound effect

Sa: Huh, wait a sec. This scenery is a bit unfamiliar-

BOOM Tropical music

Sa: Eh? Where am I…?

Sa: Ah by any chance, did I take the wrong course? Crap…

Sa: I was running without seeing anything because of the dust...

Sa: Hey this is a jungle…

Sa: Crap, I need to get back quickly.

animal roaring

Sa: Hmm? Something about the animals...

Boom Weird laugh/cry

Sa: Are you… a monster?

Monster (M): That’s right.

I’m a poacher that was monsterfied after a trip to the jungle! With my overwhelming physical ability that was trained to perfection in the jungle, and my hunting instincts, I now reign at the pinnacle of this jungle's ecosystem. As the ultimate invasive species, I will tear people like you, who don the mantle of civilization and allow your physical abilities to devolve, limb from pale civilized limb--

BOOM

Sa: Oops… I should have asked that monster now about which way to Z-City.

Sa: Ah well, it’s probably that way-

Boom

PPP: While Saitama-chan is absent, Zombiman is still running alone!

ZM: Why can’t I see anybody, is this not the sports festival? What am I even racing against? Can I just keep running like this?

AM: Don’t think about it Zombieman, just keep running like that.

ZM: All- Alright, Amai Mask.

So: Damn it, where did Saitama go off to! Hey Genos!

Ge: There’s only one possibility I can think of.

So: What is it?

Ge: He might have gone home.

So: What!? Why in the absolute hell would anyone go home at a time like this!?

Ge: How Naive. You still don’t know anything about the go-home club.

AM: Hmph, looks like this time the match is over.

So: NNGHHHH

Beeping-like sounds

Genos: I sense something, it’s coming!

AM: What!?

PPP: Oh, he’s finally back here, Saitama-chan!

Seigi Shikkou playing

Sa: Sorry, sorry. I went the wrong way…

So: What were you doing, you idiot!

Sa: It’s your fault for spreading dust clouds everywhere.

PPP: However, Zombieman-chan is a long way away in the lead now.

AM: You’re too late.

So: Well, I wonder about that!

AM: What?

Sa: Alrighty, this time I won’t make a mistake.

BWOOSH

PPP: Fa- fa- fast!

Ge: As expected, Captain! His eyes have gone red, probably because money is on the line!

PPP: Saitama chan easily passed Zombieman chan!

ZM: Fast, way too fast!

PPP: And he’s rapidly gaining a wide lead.

AM: Impossible! That plain looking faced guy can’t be this fast!-

Crunch

PPP: Ohh… Amai Mask chan crushed his microphone…

PPP: Mr. Saitama gets ready and passes the baton to King-chan, the anchor!

Sa: I leave the rest to you.

K: Yeah…

PPP: On the other hand the Student Council Team, Zombieman is still far away back.

Ge: As expected Captain Saitama!

So: With this, the match is over.

AM: Nope, you’re pretty naive huh Go-Home team.

So: Huh?

AM: Have a look at our final runner. Can you still say that?

OST: Dark Energy

So: What did you say?

Tatsumaki (T): Hey, why are you running so sluggish! Hurry up and bring the baton to me!

Ge: Tha… That is…

AM: That’s right. The student council vice president. Tornado of Terror!

T: Ugh, I can’t wait anymore!

splash sound

PPP: AAAAAAH! Tatsumaki burst Zombieman’s body into tiny pieces with her Psychokinesis!

PPP: Aaaaand, the baton was passed on to Tatumaki-chan as if it were being carried by water.

So: Gah! In order to win… she even killed her ally!

ZM: No, I’m fine. Since I'm immortal.

Sa: Ah, is that so? I’m glad you’re okay.

ZM: Excuse me, but could you please gather the pieces of flesh scattered over there.

Sa: Sure. Though are you really fine?

AM: Now then, go Tatsumaki, show the power of our student council team!

T: I'll go without you having to say a damn thing, moron! Don't you dare boss me around and give me orders while your useless ass is just sitting back and relaxing in the commentator's seat! You disgust me. Why don't you just go on home with the Go-Home Club?!

PPP: Whoa! Tatsumaki-chan unexpectedly beat the Go-Home Club to the punch by telling him (AM) to go home!

PPP: Amai Mask-chan, is there anything you wish to say towards Tatsumaki-chan?

AM: Fufu

PPP: Amai Mask-chan is just barely able to maintain his smile, but it is at maximum twitching! As usual, today Tatsumaki-chan is emanating an aura of range in all directions!

T: Every last one of them, they can’t do anything without me. Here I go!

wind sfx

crowd panic

PPP: Aaah Tatsumaki-chan’s extremely powerful psychokinesis! There’s an actual tornado invading the campus!

PPP: The students --gagh, and even the tent we’re in, are getting blown away--gaah!

T: HAAAAAAAAAA!

winds intensify

PPP: King-chan.. Where is King-chan!

Sa: Ah, there right?

PPP: The object being blown away with tremendous force… K.. King chan!?

Ge: No, he’s not being blown away...

So: He’s riding the wind!

Sound of something lowering down

Tatsumaki: Huh?

PPP?: WHAT!?

PPP: With tremendous force King chan has wooooooooon!

PPP: The winner is the go-home club team!

cheers

K: Hm, what happened to me?

Sa: You did it, King!

Ge: As expected, King-senpai!

So: This is the world’s strongest man’s power…

T: You’re the one I lost to, it can’t be helped…

Amai: Cheers to you...

PPP: Congratulations, the MVP is King!

Crows woos

Saitama: Nice, let’s eat barbecue with the prize money.

King: Yeah. Though before that… I’m gonna swing by the infirmary.

#OPM #alternate universe #ONE #audio story #Saitama #Sonic #Genos #king #High School AU #school sports day #pure chaos #Tatsumaki #Amai Mask #Puri Puri Prisoner #Drive Knight #all's fair in war and sport #Zombieman #poor Zombieman #also the quotes from this story ha! ha! #it's a good job OPM isn't set in high school -- no work would be done

[sylvie-writes]

Are You Worthy?

Part 2 of Getting Ready

Disclaimer: Some of the events may be out of order or removed but it’s for the purpose of the story

Warnings: mentions of alcohol. any screw ups in spelling or grammar.  

I just found out that I screwed up the timeline... but this is fanfcition... so just please ignore that huge plot hole that i’ve just created. 

Loosely edited. I will fully check over it this week, my loves. 

Sorry about the end. It’s midnight and i’m too tired to write a whole ass scene. 

Enjoy!

The drive to the compound was a little over twenty minutes, the late night traffic of Brooklyn lightly flooding the roads. Sarah was in the back seat, strapped in her car seat joyously maundering about making new friends tonight. That child was a social butterfly, never really understanding the stranger-danger rule, one you and Steve often tried to implement into her impressionable mind. Steve looked into the rearview mirror, shooting the mini chatty cathy a large smile. 

Arriving at the event, ponds of cars littered the street, valet attendants frantically rushing around to the lineup of many pretentious cars. Once a valet had taken your car, Steve stepped out, first helping you from the passenger seat and then unbuckling Sarah. All three Rogers casually strolled into the multi-level tower, its height unfathomable. Heading to the back elevators, which weren’t crowded, for you all knew the compound layout better than most of the guests. Sarah’s hands held your’s and Steve’s as she was sandwiched between the two of you, yet happily swinging her parents’ hands with her own.

Sam immediately greeted you, Steve and Sarah, quickly inviting you all over for a friendly game of pool with some older gentlemen. Of course, since Sarah was only three, she couldn't play pool and instead joyously watched as the billiard balls fell into the pockets, only piquing her interest as she wondered where the pockets led to. You and Steve decided to share one cue stick, each shooting while the other held Sarah, who babbled to the parent holding her at that time. 

About halfway through the game, Steve had noticed you were shivering just a smidge. He swiftly laid the cue stick against the pool table as it wasn't his turn anyway. Taking off the leather jacket, Steve wrapped it around your shoulders, prompting you to turn your attention and body back towards the pool table and him.

“You scared me, Rogers.” You jocosely squinted at the man then handing Sarah over so you could properly wear the oversized leather jacket. The pleasant and familiar cologne wrapped around your body as if it were a warm and securing hug. By the time you had finished your mini conversation with Steve it was your turn to play pool, Sarah preciously becoming your cheerleader. 

Steve had ventured off with Sam while you and Sarah had ended up with Tony, Thor and Maria, painfully listening to Rhodey’s recollection of his time as the War Machine. 

“Well, you know the suit can take the weight. So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General’s Palace, drop it at his feet, and I’m like BOOM, you looking for this?” 

Tony and Thor just looked at Rhodey with an unamused look while Sarah giggled at the story, not really understanding but laughing at the funny voice he had used. Reiterating himself, Rhodey repeated the story in hopes of getting a better reaction from his crowd. 

“Boom. Are you looking- why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills.”

The disappointed man turns to face you, his hand up, expecting a high five. You just look at him before laughing and shaking your head, while Sarah glady gives Rhodey her hand in place of yours. 

“Well that's the whole story?”

Rhodey turned back to Thor with a mirthless expression.

“Yes, that’s the War Machine story.”

Thor turned to Tony, then back to Rhodey, laughing deeply and then responding with what you had assumed was sarcasm.

“Oh it’s very good then. It’s impressive!”

“Quality save.” 

Amused at Thor’s attempt, Rhodey then changed the subject, the conversation moving faster than Steve could run.

“Gentlemen, where are the ladies?” 

Maria’s simple question turned into a compliment battle between Tony and Thor. 

Sarah continued to giggle and out stretched her arms to the man beside you, a signal to hold her. Stopping your own laughter, you hand Sarah over to Rhodey who was just as giddy as the little girl in his arms.

“Go find your hubby!” Rhodey nudged you in the shoulder and you gave him and Sarah a quick hug before going your separate ways. You shot the two gloating men with a look of mock disappointment, bidding Maria a “good luck”, and then leaving at Rhodey’s wishes. 

“What happened to him?” You walked to stand beside Steve, watching as an older gentleman, drunkenly passed out, was being carried by two younger men. 

“This.” Steve brought the glass to your lips, a sour look tainting your face after just a small sip.

“My god, what is that?! It takes like fire!” A hearty chuckle left Steve as he pointed to Thor who was holding a small flask and doing shots with a group of men. 

Sarah was still with Tony, allowing you and Steve to go enjoy some time with each other. The two of you just stood on the balcony, your arms linked together as the stars brightly painted the sky. It had been a while since you and Steve had such a heartfelt conversation, both recalling old memories. Not only was the man linked beside you, your husband, but also your best friend. You and Steve have always shared everything with the other, whether it be tears or laughter. This man was literally the epitome of your everything. 

“Do you remember when you listened to a few of my vinyls for weeks just so you could learn the words?” 

Steve’s lips were on your head as he talked, leaving gentle kisses.

A chuckle left your mouth at the adorable yet embarrassing memory.

It was in the beginning of your relationship when you and Steve were just months into a relationship. Steve had always let you choose the music. He even learned how to use cd’s in a boombox, quite the change from vinyls and a record player. Well, one day, Steve had left for a mission, one you were not needed for. During the day that he was gone, you spent hours trying to figure out how to use his record player. When you finally did, that day all you listened to were the vinyls, engraving every word into your mind.  

“I couldn’t figure out how to play the vinyls.” A small pout wiggled onto your lips, one Steve kissed away then pulled from your face chuckling breathily. 

“Don’t laugh at your wife’s pain!”

“I’m not trying to! You are just so damn adorable. I see where Sarah gets it from.”

An hour later, you and Steve had parted ways and you were currently strolling over to the bar, a martini in mind, but when your daughter came bounding at you, hugging your leg, your plans for a drink changed.

“Hi, Mommy!” Unlatching the girl from your leg, you leaned down to pick her up, seeing Tony now staring at you with a look of relief. Sarah must’ve run from him at the sight of her mother. 

You waved Tony away, bidding him back to his conversation. 

“What are you doing, Mommy?” 

“I was just about to get a drink.” 

“Ohhh can I have one?”

After her request, you explained to her that some drinks were for adults. Martini long forgotten, you instead went to order a shirley temple to share with Sarah. At first she was confused since you had just explained that the drinks from the bar were for adults, but then you further told her some drinks were okay. Long story short, Sarah had just learned that she must ask you or Steve since you would both know what to order her.

Now done with the most confusing lesson you’ve ever taught Sarah, you continued your walk to the bar.

Natasha was behind the counter, currently pouring a drink for herself while she and Bruce returned some playful chatter. A few minutes passed and their conversation ended. Smirking, Nat left the flustered man with your husband, who had just shown up at the end of the counter for a beer himself.

“It’s nice.”

Bruce turned to look at Steve, genuinely confused, partly to Steve’s statement and then Natasha's flirting. 

“You and Romanoff.” 

Once all the pieces finally clicked in the clueless man’s head, he instantly denied the claims thrown his way. 

Deciding to finally join the conversation, you walked up beside Steve, who was happily surprised at your appearance, with Sarah on your hip. 

“Yeah, you both are adorable!” 

Poor Bruce was a ball of nerves not even able to form the words to repudiate your comment. 

“It’s okay, nobody’s breaking any bylaws.”

Sarah’s attention had now shifted from the mature conversation and to Thor who was a few feet away. The man was making funny faces at her, snickers ensuing. Tapping your shoulder politely, she then pointed to Thor and you set her down, watching her run away, never once peeling away your eyes until she made it into the safe hold of the man, who shot a thumbs up allowing you to return to Steve and Bruce’s conversation. 

“It’s just that she’s not the most… open person in the world, but with you she seems very relaxed.” 

“Agreed. You two are practically like Steve and I!” 

“No, Natasha, she just likes to flirt.” 

“I’ve seen her flirt. Up close. And this ain’t that.” Your husband reached for a beer, then holding his arm out for you. 

“Look, as maybe the world’s leading authority on waiting too long. Don’t. You both deserve a win.” 

Steve gave Bruce a heartening smile, waiting as you unlatched your arm from his. You placed a friendly peck on the man’s cheek before giving him some words of reassurance.

“Don’t underestimate your worth.” Bruce then gave you both a small meek smile, returning to his drink. 

“What do you mean up close!” You and Steve were already long gone yet still able to hear Bruce’s cry of befuddlement to which your husband smirked, causing you to scoldingly slap him on the chest.

“You're absolutely terrible, Grant.” 

As expected, Steve just laughed at your reprimand. Whenever you scolded him, it usually involved his middle name being crammed somewhere into your lengthy chide. Like a disciplined child, he’d listen pitifully. Most of the time you’d chastise him for his reckless nature, that scared you to death. Then he’d apologize a thousand times while planting kisses all over your face, making you giggle endlessly, certainly failing at keeping up the irritated facade.  

“Yet, you love me, doll.” Steve had somehow dragged you to the dance floor, pulling your flush to him as the song began. You brought your arms to his neck, noses touching as he proudly smiled down on you, slightly tightening his grip on your waist. The two of you swayed slowly, your lips connected softly. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Once the song had finished it was replaced with an upbeat line dance to which you and Steve briskly rushed off the floor being met with Sarah who sat at a table with Natasha, cheering at you and Steve.

“Mommy, Daddy! That was omazing!” 

“Well, how about you and I go get some celebration cake for everyone!”

As any sane toddler, Sarah agreed to her father’s delectable plan. Steve plucked his daughter from Natasha’s lap, then taking yours and hers order. Once the two had left, you dived right into a conversation with Nat. The topic; Bruce.

Not too long after, the party ended and all Avengers then regrouped, tiredly surrounding the large coffee table covered in takeout and Thor’s hammer idly resting on the end. 

“But it’s a trickkkk.” Clint dragged out his statement to emphasize his belief, the little girl sitting beside you, smiling wider. 

“No. no. it’s much more than that.” Steve and Thor exchanged the flask as you stared at it, still revolted by its god-awful taste. 

“Ah, whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power.” You leaned towards the table, reaching for the carton, laughing at Clint’s truthful reenactment. 

“Whatever man, it’s a trick!”

Arising a challenge, Thor pointed to Mjolnir. 

“Please, be my guest.” 

“Come on.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

Clint got up from his seat on the ground, walking confidently towards the hammer as Tony let out a snarky remark.

“Clint, you’ve had a tough week, we won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up.”

Laughter circled around as Clint came up to Thor, a promising look on his face.

“You know I’ve seen this before right?” 

With one hand, Clint attempted to pull the hammer, utilizing all his strength not an ounce unused. 

“I still don’t know how you do it.” 

“Smell the silent judgement?” Giggles escaped yours and Sarah’s lips as Steve turned to see his two best girls enjoying the amusement. 

“Please, Stark, by all means.” 

With arrogant poise, Stark raised from his seat, scooting to the table as you could picture his impending disappointment, already laughing at the mere thought. 

“Never one to shrink from an honest challenge.” 

Rolling up his sleeves, Tony placed his arm in the handle of the hammer.

“Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?” 

“Yes, of course.” Thor calmly replied, just basking in the free entertainment from his competitive friends. You could see Steve who was beside him, trying his best to contain his laughter. Directing Sarah’s attention from Tony and to Steve, she held in her own laughter as you explained what was happening. 

“I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta.” To no surprise, the hammer didn’t budge leaving Tony quickly trying to cover his displeasure. 

Tony then returned with his suit’s hand, the hammer still resting on the table. Even Rhodey joined Tony’s unsuccessful conquest. 

“Are you even pulling?” 

“Are you on my team?”

“Just represent. Pull.” 

Next up was Bruce, who also failed, luckily not hulking out on everyone. Natasha gave him a smile while Steve and Thor tried to hide their merriment.  

After Bruce’s fruitless attempt, it soon became your husband’s turn. 

“Come on, Cap.” 

Steve then pulled on the hammer with all his brawn. You weren’t even sure if you were paying attention to the hammer anymore, too caught up on the shirt clinging to Steve. 

Your attention span was then proved when the hammer moved up. Sarah’s eyes widened as did yours. Thor had obviously noticed since you sensed some tensity from him. Steve tried once again, this time receiving the same futile result as the rest. When the hammer stopped budging you saw the now relieved man swiftly try to cover up his reaction. A nervous chuckle escaping his lips, echoing into the glass. 

“Nothing!” 

“Mrs. & lil Ms. Rogers?” Steve outstretched his hand to yours and Sarah’s, guiding you both towards the hammer. All three of you grabbed the hammer. Steve holding the handle while you and Sarah pulled at the stick. Everyone’s combined strength was enough to lift the hammer had it not been of otherworldly decent. Giving up, Sarah was just a smidge disappointed, perking back to herself at Tony’s quip.

“Even the House of Rogers failed too.” You shot Stark a faux look of vexation from the couch, to which he returned with his tongue poking out. Sarah caught this and then ran to him copying his action while you went to sit on Steve’s lap.

“And, Widow?”

Natasha sipped her beer and shook her head. 

“That’s not a question I need answered.” 

The night continued on with conspiracy theories about the hammer and playful jabs at Steve’s slip-up on his choice of words from the mission recently, Sarah enjoying every moment of the time albeit past her bedtime. 

At some point, Sarah had fallen asleep on your shoulder as you and Steve bid your fellow Avengers goodbye. 

Indeed, today has been one of the best days, all in part to your lovely family and closest friends. 

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #chris evans

[thejosh1980]

Live Alive...

So much to write, so little time...I'll try to keep it short and focused.

Life has changed a lot here in northern New South Wales recently, but first, lets talk about the music...

It's just over 5 weeks since I performed my first live show after a 13 month break. I was a little concerned I couldn't pull off a show in my usual fashion, however I think in the end, every one, including me, was satisfied.

It is true, it's just like riding a bike...

Once I stepped up on stage to do my job, which is to put on the best show I could, I felt comfortable. I really enjoyed the moment, and didn't feel nervous or anxiety.

I met the drummer only minutes before we jumped on stage, it reminded me of the first show with Eddy and the Backfires in mid 2008 in Bottrop. I met Eddy and then bam, on stage to play a show together... We continued to play together for another 5 years. Sometimes I watch the video (on youtube) and smile when I see Eddy's face light up from the get go, much like the singer 5 weeks ago. I was the right guy for the job, I knew what I was doing.

I've gotten used to that though, learning songs off a CD then playing without a band rehearsal, and usually it works well... One doesn't really learn the songs until they're played live anyhow, right? The groove and feeling is always little different once the energy of a live show kicks in.

I try to slip into the band's sound and style... Learning on the spot who to follow and figure out what's going to happen next. Sometimes that means I'm not fully concentrating on the crowd, and maybe even looking a little confused at the band, but it's the lead singer's job to work the crowd, my job is to support them in their work, and I can't do that if I'm trying to impress the girls in the front row instead of listening and watching the band.

There were quite a few restrictions in place in Australia in July, so festival attendee numbers were down. Only Queensland folks and a few New South Wales folks could join. Usually the much larger crowd is a mix from all over Australia. I did meet up with some old friends, and made a few new ones. Reminding me that not only do I love playing music, but I do enjoy the social aspect of being a musician, that is whenever my anxiety levels are manageable. It's also sweet that no matter how long I've been away, folks come and say hi, and we talk like no time has passed.

This show was meant to be the beginning of returning to regular live shows, the band are very interested in having me play with them in the future and gigs were (very) slowly coming in...

However, everything changed the next morning...

With the high of a fun show, I woke to my cousin offering me eggs and bacon for breaky, I said “hells yeah!”... I had decided I wanted to attend the festival that afternoon before driving home that evening, to catch up with more friends and see some of the bands I had only been hearing about while living in Europe.

The 10am news came on “South East Queensland Lockdown Begins at 4pm” ! Well there goes my plans for visiting the festival!! I had to freshen up, eat, pack up and head south and cross the border post haste. I didn't want to be stuck in QLD, or in traffic!

Some folks had tested positive near Brisbane, and the festival was in one of the areas of concern. The festival promoter had to cancel 1.5 days into a 3 day rockabilly weekender.

Once I crossed the border back into NSW I found out I had to isolate at home... Apparently they back dated the restrictions for returning residents.

Lucky us!

So, I had a week at home to isolate. I decided to get tested, it was a negative result. What else do you expect?

The situation at the time, wasn't too bad, but a pain in the butt. I had to isolate for a week or two, and then I'd be free in NSW to hang out.

Luckily our classes went online too... Another challenge to contend with... Online classes are a necessity these days, but it took a few weeks for me to get used to 'em... To settle into the new routine.

Anyhow, so there I am isolating at home... A week later, on Sunday evening, I am released from isolation as the QLD situation is under control and NSW ease their rules. Earlier than expected, winner winner chicken dinner!

But then... The very next day, Monday evening, the whole of NSW is thrown into lockdown because of Sydney's high case numbers and some regional cases coming to light.

It's 5 weeks after the show, and I have been in either home isolation or restrictions or code red type lockdowns (or whatever you want to call it) for 99.9% of the time...

Good times...

I'm not bagging the rules, I know they're there to help. It's OK, it is what it is... I can call friends and family, I can exercise and, I can play the guitar. What more could I ask for? - Probably a lot more, but I digress.

I have learnt to become adaptable... It's not uncommon for me to feel frustrated at change, but eventually I come around to it.

Now back to music...

The NSW lockdown does affect the band too, 2 band members live south of the border in NSW and 2 live north in QLD, which has few restrictions...

Can we even get together to play? Are shows being booked? If we play a show on either side of the border, do we have to self isolate afterwards? It's a bit like living in 2 seperate countries at the moment, each with its own rules.

Leading up to the show, I hadn't done any live streams, I hadn't worked on music production or songwriting, however I was looking forward to the show. I wasn't really thinking too much about about the future... I've been concentrating a lot on my studies (which is another blog for another day)...

A week after the show I was a little put off by the isolation and restrictions, however now I am starting to take small steps to get back into playing for myself. What I mean is, I have worked on some song production, song marketing, song writing and even looking into working with musicians to put my own band together!!

How cool is that? To me, that is very cool...

Now the small steps mean I have also been co-writing with a friend, starting to put more of my music online (like Bandcamp... coming soon!) and thinking how I can start over again... Cause that's what this is really about...

While I do have a band who hires me to play their music (which I enjoy and am grateful for, whenever we'll actually be able to play together) I really need to start on my own music career. That is a big step! So time to break it down into smaller steps...

When I first moved back home, I had a few offers to jam with old friends, and didn't take them up on it. I didn't feel like playing. Maybe it was a bit of depression, or something, but I just wasn't excited about it...There had been a lot happening in 2020, on top of leaving Europe and integrating back into Australian life, well, I guess it was a bit too much for me at the time.

In the past few weeks I've started contacting folks to get together, once the restrictions have eased, and I am really looking forward to swappin' riffs, ideas and jammin' with friends old and new!

It was a small thing, to say yes to that show in July... Really, it was just a word “yes”... but that decision has lit a fire... the spark is burning... and I don't quite know where it's going to take me, but even the pandemic blues hasn't gotten me down this month like it has done in the past...

Cause now I got something to work towards...

I wanna work with musicians, in person or online... I wanna write songs again... I wanna play a live show with others, their music or mine... I wanna release my solo album (eventually) and I wanna express myself as I once did with the 6 string in the past...

Are you comin' along for the ride??

Thanks for reading,

The Josh

#musicians life #blog #journal #mental health #action

[struwwelzeter]

Stripped Making Of (not so) Liveblog, actually more of an aimless ramble

Ah the stripped video. One of my absolute favorites.The one I could say so much about and at the same time am so exhausted by even thinking about it ...

But basically this is why I don’t trust Philipp Stölzl. Because I honestly don’t buy that he couldn’t explain to them how controversial Leni Riefenstahl Material would be. I do buy that they were fairly unfamiliar, lots of people were and still are, and especially with their background, I think they genuinely might have not understood. But him? I mean in order to even think of that material he had to have known. And like, that means he is either way too comfortable with her proximity to the NSDAP, or he genuinely kind of just assumed that they knew what they were letting themselves in for. And that’s assuming a pretty arrogant position to be honest. I know he initially wanted to refilm all that but I genuinly don’t think that if he had explained to them more in-depth what this means that they would have still used it. Not with them always being so upset at being seen as right wing. @msgwendolenfairfax recently said something like that he’s jerking off to his own intellectualism, and ever since I do believe it’s mostly that, that he just assumed this “it’s an aesthetic choice, not a political one” position which I am very much on board with in principle, but in practice was letting the band walk into open fire imo. I mean I looked, and he has a clean reputation otherwise, so I do believe it must have been that. Which - giving him the benefit of a doubt - could have just been because he comes from a very intellectual (theatrical) background, that’s what he does nowadays, so it could have been genuine mistake, —- kind of expecting more from the audience than it could deliver, but really? A mistake that big? Why, Philip? It’s entirely possible that I read wayyyyy way too much into it, but like, I have seen people fired for a lot less in this country and I am just so suspicious.

All that being said, that video IS brilliant aesthetically, and anyone who wants to dispute Riefenstahls accomplishments because of it’s evil purposes completely misses the point to be honest. Some of these shots are filmed in a way that would be rare and astonishing even today. My grandmother was only a couple of years younger than her and one of the two first female students at the Munich School for Photography, and she was accused weekly of being too stupid for a camera. That’s the time we are talking about. She might have been a dirty opportunitist, but how much can you really blame her. Can you imagine saying no to these opportunities as a woman, with a camera, during that time? Honestly? People give Albert Speer more slack than her and it’s. Suspicious, let’s leave it at that.

Back to the actual making of, I should update on how my Depeche Mode exploration is going perhaps. I love those “works for everyone” acts, I mean how many of these are there even? What is comparable from later on? Gorillaz? Wu Tang Clan? Billie Eilish?

Richard being a smiling fan boy makes me squeal internally. I am making horcruxing a verb, because him hiding liking pop music is basically me hiding my Eminem records and my classical CDs from my punk friends and I start to be convinced he just flung a bit of his soul around he accidentally splintered off during the chaos of reunification and I had to catch it like the idiot I am.

God, them trying so hard to do it justice makes my heart so full. Schneider is so genuine, and look at Richard smiling, he’s so into that challenge I ... moving on, ok.

I think the stripped ... down to the bone might have been so hard for Till because it covers quite a big range from beginning to end of the line, and he doesn’t normally do that. Like it would be a fluid change from where his voice needs to sit in the beginning to where it sits in the end of it? Because in principle he should be able to hit it I think ...

Yeah see, they didn’t think about the consequences. But they should have and I genuinly do not understand why noone stepped in and made them.

I love how unwilling to compromise Paul is here. I mean I 100% agree with him, and to be honest I don’t think they should have decided against using it, it’s just that they seemed to have been so unaware of what they are using that makes me pause.

See I actully like how Stölzl explains this here. If you take those images on their own and recontextualize it, there is nothing wrong about it whatsover. And doing just that is an art historical constant. It’s just difficult because most people aren’t art historians and can’t sort their instincts away from objectivity. It’s a weird mix of simultaneously knowing too much and too little that makes cases like this so difficult.

See that’s the thing, yes there were (and are) alot of debates about the “who are we and how are we gonna deal with this legacy” thing, but just blindly starting that experiment slightly puts the answer before the question, or? And again, if this would have been a conscious decision of everyone involved I am all for it and I agree, but it just seriously seemed like that wasn’t the case? Or alternatively if he just stumbled over rolls of film and used it, that would’ve been fine too.

The aesthetic commonalities of Nazi Germany and the Warsaw Pact countries could send me into a whole other tangent but I’m gonna shut up about it other than “YES”, because I’m not actually knowledgeable enough about it.

God, I feel so sad for them for that fallout. :(

Yeah, Richard’s right. It is a pity that knowing that fallout going in, you wouldn’t make that video. So maybe it is a good thing in a way that it happened that way, because it is an aesthetic masterpiece, that otherwise would not exist. The ideal state would be when we could make a video like that, fully knowing what it means, and still being able to do it because the majority of people would understand how semiotics work, but I mean utopia isn’t real so.

God honestly ... that conflict of aesthetics and their emotional impact vs their history can fill dissertations (and already does), and it’s truly one of those things our society needs to learn to give people the individual freedom to draw those lines in the sand for themselves. It honestly goes both ways, people say “it’s not like the nazis” because it doesn’t wear neat uniforms but dirty shirts and red caps, and they say it causes school shootings even tho school shootings are caused by bullying and the music we listen to has probably helped more bully victim survive and stay sane than anything, and it’s all part of a huge “I think I understand something based on what it looks like and use that as a quick escape from actually making the effort to understand what it is” delusion.

Yeah see, Stölzl referencing the darkness and crossing of limits - he KNEW what he was doing. He completely derails his own argument, first he says those images are only negative if you know what they came from like it’s two completely seperate things and then he goes “yeah the darkness was needed” ... the darkness you only know if you know where it comes from ... ? What’s it gonna be Philip? I mean I can follow both arguments but like, using both simultaneously seems a bit ... hmm.

Aww Schneider and Paul being proud boys, look at them. It’s funny how Paul “I want to fling shit in everybody’s face” Landers actually gets quite flustered when people he likes love his stuff, no? He reacts the most impressed with the Lost Highway thing aswell, it’s really quite endearing.

I think I rambled on without conclusion even worse than usual but in fairness it’s a very complex issue. TL;DR: I wish they would have made that video knowing what they let themselves in for, because I do think it would have made the fallout easier to bear and I wish that hadn’t happened to them. Does that make sense? At some point very far into the future I will want to write an actual essay about this but we can jot this down as initial brainstorm before you jump on me with arguments I missed, ok! (Seriously tho, please discuss this with me I need arguments that aren’t my own to sharpen my opinion)

https://youtu.be/mImuguOghRM

#stripped #leni riefenstahl #rammstein #struwwel liveblogs #Youtube

[royalprinceroman]

Finding My Place [Part 1]

Heya there everyone! Today is a super special day! Today is @availe‘s birthday! Maxi is one of my very best friends, one of the most important people to me in the world so I told her to pick two pairings and I would write a fic about them. I wasn’t sure what the topic would be so I just kinda let the words flow!

This is a bullet fic because writing a whole fic is hard right now with my current state in life so I apologize.

This fic includes (in its entirety not just this part): human AU, Anxceitmus (QPR Remus/Virgil and QPR Deceit/Virgil, Demus is romantic in the ship), Logince, swearing, violence mention, angst, depression, suicidal mentions, fainting, general not taking care of yourself moods, drugs, alcohol, and.... all sides are shown in a positive light, if that matters. It’s an AU anyway.

Devyn = Deceit (That’s also important LOL)

With all that said, please enjoy!

---

Devyn knows a lot of things. He considers himself an expert in some fields but still a jack of all trades in certain situations. However, there is one thing he feels he lacks. No matter how much he thinks about it, researches it, and records the process and its results, the outcome is always the same.

"Remus, you can't just hang up those creepy curtains on the front window!" Virgil calls up the stairs. The man in question cackles and Virgil growls back. "Don't expect your villain laugh to get you out of everything. I already got an earful from the lady next door about it disturbing her kids."

"Ahhh they'll get used to it." Remus says as he walks down the stairs to meet Virgil at the bottom. He stays on the second to the last step, making himself nearly a head taller than Virgil. Without warning, Remus wraps his arms around Virgil's neck and squeezes as a big smile appears on his face. "Oh golly gee, I just love you Virgil."

The black haired boy couldn't prevent the smirk that appears on his face as he leans back and kisses Remus on the cheek. "Mhmhm… love to be a pain in my neck is more accurate."

Both of them laugh before turning to see Devyn standing in the doorway to the kitchen across from the stairs, staring at them intently. 

"Do we have something on our face?" Virgil questions before Remus jumps down and runs to Devyn, almost slapping him with his arms instead of wrapping him in a hug.

"No…" Devyn assures. He leans his head against Remus. The smallest boy fits perfectly under Devyn's arm and Virgil walks over slowly, Devyn reaching and grabbing Virgil's right hand. He brings it to his lips, kissing it gently. 

"I want a kiss!" Remus pouts.Devyn obliges, kissing him on his forehead. Remus feels his cheeks burning red as he hides his face in his partner's chest.

"Is something the matter?" Virgil questions.

"No." Devyn says quickly as a blink of panic passes Virgil's eyes. "I just still have yet to fully understand what I've done in this world to deserve this with both of you." His voice trails off at the end as his gaze fell along the house surrounding them. 

Boxes scattered everywhere, some half empty as they unpacked to live in this new beautiful home. One picture was on the mantle above the fireplace: a shot of all three of them in suits: Devyn in yellow, Virgil in a deep purple, and Remus in a forest green, framed in a brown oak frame. Their wedding day only a month prior. 

"Dee…" Remus says softly as he hugs Devyn tightly. 

Devyn feels himself remembering. He tells the two he wants to take a break while they unpack upstairs. The two agree after giving him more hugs. Devyn sits on the couch in the living room.

xxx

Devyn had just been released from prison two years prior. 

He had been wrongfully charged with murder and had his life turned upside down for over ten years.

Upon release, he met Remus at a local gay bar. He hadn't intended on falling in love with the strange man but it just sort of happened. 

Devyn quickly learned Remus was already in a relationship.

Devastated by this, Devyn cut off all contact with Remus and stopped going to that specific bar all together. 

Drinking his sorrows away at a bar closer to his home, Devyn accepts that his life as a 32 year old gay man meant that he was probably doomed to be alone forever. 

Music started playing and he realizes it was live, playing in the next room over.

He peeked in to see a huge crowd surrounding a stage. Neon purple lights lit up the band. A lead singer with a guitar, a bass player, a drummer, and a… violinist? Wait, what?

The music was beautiful and the singing amazing, but Devyn couldn't tear his eyes away from the violinist. 

Such perfect strokes and form, the melody tore right at Devyn's heart. 

The song finished with a dramatic solo from the violinist and Devyn applauded along with the crowd. 

He listened to the voices around him closely, trying to figure out who they were.

"My gosh they're all so amazing! Virgil knocked it out tonight! How does he play the violin so well??"

"Gotta give props to Roman too! He goes through those low notes to high so easily. Is he even human with that range?"

"Nah nah did you listen to that drum solo? My boy Logan is the most talented by far. The technical details in his playing is just… so damn good."

"But Patton's bass solo was good too! He's come a long way in the short time he's been playing."

"Flight of the Hearts is just an amazing band. They're gonna take the world by storm, I just know it!"

Devyn stared at the band and they signed and took photos with fans at the foot of the stage. He wanted to hear more. 

He noticed a merch table just next to them and wondered over. Two self published CDs were on the table “Dreamer” and “Cyclone” and one of just Virgil's violin creations called "Calming Yourself". 

Devyn never purchased anything faster in his life. 

A bell went off above his head once he purchased it all. 

"Major sale! All CDs plus a shirt!" A voice shouted.

Devyn felt himself wish he wasn't where he was.

Until---

The whole band came over behind the table.

"Hey thanks for your support!"

Devyn recognizes him as the lead singer (Roman?) He was built like a jock, a football player to be specific, but had very soft eyes and a gentle smile.

"Dearheart, there's no reason to yell at him. He looks utterly confused. I told you that bell wasn't the best idea…"

The drummer… Logan right? He was smaller than Roman by over a foot at least. Glasses sat on the bridge of his nose (was he wearing those on stage?) and he pushed them up. He had an air of a person who would win on Jeopardy by a mile. Logan had his arm around Roman's waist, pulling him gently back. 

"Thanks for purchasing all of our work! We really appreciate it!"

Another glasses wearer? Oh it's Patton, the bassist. Right, right. He seemed the most genuine and down to earth, at least in this instance. He gestured to take the CDs back.

"Come on everyone let's sign them!" Patton called out to his bandmates.

Roman and Logan returned, holding hands and Roman kissing their entangled fingers.

Devyn wanted what they had, desperately. He felt an emptiness in his heart.

Without realizing it, Devyn had Virgil standing in front of him closer than he would've liked. 

"Can I help you?" Devyn demanded. 

Virgil squinted his eyes and frowned. "What's your name?"

Accusatory voice, mean look… the glare peeking through his long bangs and was that heavy eyeshadow?

"We just wanna sign your stuff! Right… Virgil?"

Patton clearly fell the same unease emanating off of Virgil as Devyn did. The more he stared back at Virgil, the more angry Devyn became. 

"My name is Devyn. What about it?" Harsh tone, spat in anger.

"I knew it. I recognized that scar on your face. How fucking dare you?!" Virgil leaped over the table. "How dare you break my Remus's heart, you bastard?!"

The crowd began chanting. "Fight, fight, fight!" and before he realized it, Devyn was about to punch Virgil before both of them were pulled back. Patton had pulled back Virgil and Devyn realized Roman had grabbed him under his arms with his own.

Security had quickly corralled everyone out of the tiny room, leaving only Devyn with the band. 

Logan stood between the two warring ones. 

"What are you talking about?" Devyn demanded, shaking off Roman, nodding to agree he wouldn't fight. 

"Remus has been so upset since you cut him off. He loved you, you dickhead!" Virgil was basically foaming at the mouth. His eyes were red and filled with tears. "Why? What possessed you to do that to him?" 

Devyn's memory flashed to the last image of Remus he remembered. Smiling brightly at him as he left the bar that night over a month before. Devyn had blocked and deleted his number. Basically ghosted him. 

But…

Remus had been in a relationship, right? Devyn didn't want to force his way in and hurt someone else. 

Devyn looked up to see Patton comforting Virgil in his arms, shhhing him like a small child.

A hand landed on his shoulder. He glanced over.

Roman. 

He had a sad look in his eyes. 

"Allow me to explain, Devyn. I'll start from the beginning. I am Roman, lead singer of "Flight of the Hearts". This is my partner, Logan, our drummer. The one holding our dearest violinist, Virgil, is the wonderful Patton. He is also Virgil's older brother. Virgil's partner is Remus… the man who works at The Half Side of the Full on Center Street. He's also my twin."

Devyn blinked and realized in that moment that Roman was the spitting image of Remus, only taller and a bit more buff. He was also missing Remus's adorable mustache but that was beside the point. 

"I left Remus because he told me about you." Devyn started, glancing at Virgil. "Never mention you by name of course. Just that he had the most amazing boyfriend in the world and I decided I didn't want to break my own heart. So I left him and his perfect life alone. Because who needs a fucked up person like me in his life?!"

Devyn realized he was shouting but he didn't care. He also ignored the tears rolling down his face. His scar around his left eye burning from the salt in his tears. Devyn knew in that moment he'd always be a fuck up somehow. 

"Remus was so important to me. I love him more than anything. Because… he allowed me to forget and move on. I was no longer trapped in my lying, deceitful past. I was able to actually be me."

Devyn turned and shoved past Roman only to stop short of the exit, blocked by a familiar face. 

"Remus…" it barely left Devyn's mouth. 

"I never got to tell you." Remus said. "I was going to tell you I loved you the next day. And I wanted you to meet my boyfriend because we're both poly and you had mentioned in passing you were too. I didn't press it because well… I wasn't sure how much you enjoyed how I am."

Devyn had never seen Remus so calm. It was weird and he didn't like it. He liked his Remus bouncing off the walls, talking about his latest findings on the side of the road; alive or dead. He liked Remus when he tried to make fake blood to put on the windows for Halloween and it ended up being actual animal blood because that's how obsessed Remus was with what he did.

This calm demeanor didn't suit the wacky man at all.

"Like them…? Remus… I adore you. You were so true to yourself in ways I couldn't predict. I love that even though you were pushed away by society for who you are… you didn't let that change you. You refused to live a lie. Something I had done all my life."

Remus crossed the gap between them and in one full motion, pulled Devyn down like a princess, holding him gently in his arms.

"Let me do what I've been holding back for so long." Remus begged.

Devyn nodded and they kissed. It was soft at first, tickling Devyn's upper lip with Remus's rough mustache, before Devyn felt it deepen even further. He didn't want it to stop…

"Geez, brother! Get a room!" Roman blurted which caused the two to pull away.

Devyn licked his lips and Remus did as well, promising more later.

Remus allowed Devyn to stand as they walked back over to the rest of the group. Virgil reintroduced himself and apologized as did Devyn. Remus explained that Virgil is his QPP as Virgil is asexual and quoiromantic. Both were fine having other partners. Devyn joked about the fact that maybe he would fall for Virgil too if Virgil played him the violin more. The group laughed even though Devyn was dead serious.

As it turned out, the band, including Remus, lived together in a rented house just down the street. It wasn't glamorous or anything but enough to keep all of them out of the rain and comfortable.

As they walked in, Virgil asked Devyn about his living conditions and he dodged the question by bringing up food. 

Remus grabbed Devyn's hand and squeezed, asking again.

Devyn admitted to living in a Motel 6. It was all he could afford after being released from jail. His factory job was paying him well now but he had to consider uber fees to get to and from work. The off three days working four was nice too but he had to be careful. He had no savings to fall back on. 

Remus jumped up. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"My past is not something I am proud of." Devyn admitted. "But… it is something I should explain before we get too far into things."

To Be Continued….

#sanders sides #ts fanfiction #ts fanfic #romantic anxceitmus #romantic demus #logince #deceit sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #anxceitmus #demus

[amysubmits]

Amy,

I do see domintant traits in my husband but we are venturing into DD to kind of bring that out more as well as bring out my desire to submit to him. My question for you and your partner is, do you have any advice to offer on how to speak (tone wise, words/sentences) that could give him more ideas? Obviously he and I don't want him to he a robot, but just a general idea to get him to understand the importance of phrases and tones. I read one your blogs and I so related to you saying you get off on the tones and words he uses. Sometimes my husband does that and it's nice because it came natural, but I would love more of that.

(ask #2)

I was looking for some advice from you and your partner. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've struggled with me respecting him because he doesn't normally come across as authoritative. I have seen that side maybe once or twice but I think because of the lack of respect I've shown he really lost confidence in himself which I really hate and blame myself for. I grew up in a pretty chaotic house so arguing comes natural to me. Whereas for some who grew up the same way are intimidated easily and shy away from conflict, as it sounds like is the case for you, which I'm glad you are more naturally submissive. In my heart though, I want to submit to him. We have decided to give DD a trial though and I'm really grateful for that but also feel guilty for even wanting it. I relate so much to some of your posts. For example, just how a phrase or tone can be exciting. Do you and your partner have any suggestions or advice on how a man can come to understand why it's appealing to us? And maybe even some tips on what kind of phrases work. Lol 😆 . I would love if you guys could sit down and think about how your partner came to understand the importance of the words he said and the tone he used when it came to backing up his commitment to this lifestyle. To your boyfriend, do you know the affect you have on Amy when you say certain things? What do you think about having that affect?

---------------------------

It’s always hard to know what someone who has read some of my blog posts has envisioned about me/us as a result of reading my posts. So I guess to start with I just want to try to explain how I perceive our relationship to work when it comes to word choice and tone, to make sure we’re on the same page to start?

CD using certain tones of voice, or certain phrases or wording, can definitely have an immediate impact on my headspace. I know I’ve written about being in a bad attitude and him saying something, or using a tone, and it basically being an immediate attitude adjustment. Those things happen sometimes. They’re quite rare, though. They really only happen if I’m out of line to begin with. 

Most of the time, he knows that I will listen to him regardless of how he words things or what tone of voice he uses. More often than not, he uses his regular speaking voice, and just whatever working comes naturally to him when speaking to me. Most of the things he has me to are pretty simple acts of service. Get him a drink, cook dinner, a specific chore around the house, etc. Those are sort of the ‘bread and butter’ of our normal instructing and submitting, day to day. 

I think when it comes to food or drinks, he almost always asks. Would you make me X? Will you bring me a drink? Etc. 

With chores, he sometimes asks but often will just express it as a want. “I’d like you to vacuum the living room today.” for example. 

I say all of this to say, I don’t feel like CD is always speaking to me in a stereotypically authoritative way. He speaks to me quite similarly in front of other people as he does when we are alone, and the way he speaks to me in front of others never turns heads and has never upset anyone. It comes off as socially acceptable, polite, respectful of me, etc. We have a podcast together and while I don’t think he ever gave me any instructions while recording, some of the most common feedback we got from the podcast was that it as really insightful to hear how we talk and interact with each other. We got feedback on both ends of the spectrum, I guess. A couple were upset that I tease him, for example. I think some feel that doesn’t belong in D/s relationships or that it’s not appropriate for a submissive to do, i guess. Others told us we were ‘Sooo obviously’ Dom and sub in the way we speak to each other. So, how it will sound to you..i have no idea. But I think it does show how we talk to each other so that might give you some insight into us that might be helpful for adding context to my relationship, anyway. 

Anyway. At the same time as I say he speaks to me very casually, I feel his authority over me with the way that he speaks to me. Because I know that when he asks me to get him a drink, he fully expects me to get him a drink. It’s worded as a question, but it’s not really a question. But it also just doesn’t seem like a harsh, stern or rude thing. He expects my obedience and my service but not in a harsh way. It’s not...I know you will listen to me because if not...’ it’s just...”i know when i ask you this you will do it because i know you listen to me.” It’s closer to being a compliment than it is to being a threat. But it’s not really either. It’s more of just knowing who we are and how we work. And that takes time, to get comfortable in seeing yourself as dom and sub, in trusting your D/s as far as really believing it’s who you are. 

Gosh I feel like i’m talking in circles. I hope you’re able to follow me, haha. I guess I say all this to say..while I have many anecdotes on my blog about tones CD has used with me, or specific things he’s said...some of those were said casually but still were very powerful on me because of how our relationship works. Others were specific tones. Off the top of my head, I recall one post I shared a non-compliant mood I was in, he was sitting on our bed, I was standing so we were the same height, eye to eye, and he just looked me in the eye and quietly said ‘stop’, and my mood totally flipped. I know i’ve shared others where he uses “Dom Voice” to catch my attention or correct my course. Those types of things happen sometimes, and when they do, I tend to write about them because they feel like a big deal. They aren’t the norm though, and they’re frankly, kinda the result of failures on my part. He only gets authoritative with me when I’m not listening very well to begin with. For us, it wouldn’t be sustainable if he had to always be like that with me to get compliance. Yes, I need him to be stern with me when I get out of line. But that can’t be the norm. If he did have to sort of ‘force’ my submission all the time, it would be putting way too much responsibility for my submission onto him. I have to take responsibility for it first. His sternness is the backup plan. 

The way that CD speaks to me, whether casually or when being more stern, is just how it comes natural to him. I think the authority I Feel from his casual language comes from feeling his assertiveness and confidence, in part? And in part it’s just knowing our D/s and how it works as I said a bit higher up. I think when he’s stern with me that just sort of comes naturally after more casual tone doesn’t work. Not to compare myself to a dog, lol, but if my dog doesn’t listen to me the first time, i’ll change the one of my voice a bit to sound like ‘i mean business’ and I think most people just naturally do that. So he just naturally gets more stern with me if I’m being a turd when he asks nicely. Though I think it somewhat comes back to having confidence in your D/s, too. He has to be confident in his authority over me in order to push for obedience/compliance if I resist a bit at first. I think part of that naturally improves with time as the dominant gains confidence in their position within the dynamic. 

We’ve never discussed the way that CD speaks to me, that I can recall. I just wouldn’t want to have that much say in how CD acts as my Dom, to be honest. I think it’s good to talk openly with each other about what makes you feel submissive or him feel dominant, for sure. If he says something that really made you feel submissive, its great to let him know that. But for me, asking him to speak a certain way or giving him suggested phrases just is too far. I think it would be really tough for a dom to feel dominant if they’re trying to speak in the way that their sub wants them to. I think it would be better to let him find his own tones and wording, etc over time. 

Back to how I have to take responsibility for being submissive even when he isn’t speaking super authoritatively...with you saying that your partner has low self confidence, I think it’s extra important for you to take responsibility for your submission. I think confidence is built when someone feels accepted, appreciated and trusted as they are. So, I think it would be potentially counter-productive to ask him to change how he acts to get more submission or respect from you. I imagine that could easily read as ‘if you want my submission or respect, you have to change’ and that is going to lower his confidence even more. 

I’m not prone to conflict the way you say you are and I know that when you’ve had patterns of behavior since childhood that’s really, really tough to overcome. I think that really is a key way that you’ll show him that you respect his natural Dominace, though. Is to work to overcome your instinct to challenge him when he isn’t being super authoritative. Once he’s able to feel that respect from you, it might increase his confidence in himself in general and in his position as your Dominant to where he will be more comfortable being more overtly authoritative. So in a nutshell, I think you’re sort of looking at it a little bit backwards. Instead of trying to change his way of speaking so that you will respond more submissively, I think what should come first is you respecting his “softer” leadership to build his confidence, so that he can then embrace more of his natural dominance. 

#asks #domestic discipline

[brokenbuttonsmusic]

Howard Tate: A Philadelphia Soul Resurrection

This post is a near- transcript of the Broken Buttons: Buried Treasure Music podcast (episode 1, side B). Here you’ll find the narration from the segment featuring the great Philadelphia soul singer Howard Tate, along with links, videos, photos and references for the episode.

Listen to the full episode on Spotify, Anchor or Mixcloud.

Music history is packed with bands and artists that had the talent, the songs and even the fully realized recordings to make it big, only to be passed over. Some miss their window, or worse, some get their big break, but somehow  self-destruct or fail to capitalize on it. It’s the reason why I decided to do this show. There is so much overlooked and under appreciated music out there to be found and enjoyed.

This next artist doesn’t quite hit any of those scenarios exactly though. Howard Tate got his break and made it happen. Howard Tate hit big and he hit fast. Tate said he came home from work one day and a big limousine was sitting in front of his door. 

“You gotta get in here right away. You gotta get a suit. You’re playing with Marvin Gaye tomorrow night.”

Between 1966 and 1970 Howard Tate had six top 40 R&B singles. And then he disappeared. Plunging into obscurity, almost as quickly as he soared within sight of the summit. Tate never completely crossed over. While he regularly appeared on the R&B charts, the highest he ever placed on the Pop charts was #63. 

Let’s start our dive into Tate, by hearing his highest charting single. One of three top 20 R&B hits in his catalog. This is Ain’t Nobody Home by Howard Tate. 

Ain’t Nobody Home by Howard Tate.

Here’s what the Rough Guide to Soul & R&B has to say about that recording and the chemistry of the whole crew who made it happen.

“With a groove laid down by keyboardist Richard Tee, guitarist Cornell Dupree, bassist Chuck Rainey and drummer Herb Lovell, the production of Ain’t Nobody Home by Jerry Ragovoy both borrowed from and influenced the music coming from Memphis and Muscle Shoals, and set the precedent for Atlantic’s first recordings with Aretha Franklin. While the music was great, however, it was Tate’s vocals that made the record. Sounding like a less overwrought Percy Sledge, Tate’s simultaneously Northern and Southern phrasing was impeccable, and economical use of his falsetto made it all the more effective.”

Tate had the voice, which many compared to Sam Cooke and Marvin Gaye. He also had a distinctive gospel-blues delivery that sticks with you for days. But the tunes came from somewhere else.

Before his quick ascent, Tate was singing in a group with Garnet Mimms. Mimms was the original singer of the Janis Joplin hit,  Cry Baby. He also introduced Howard to record producer Jerry Ragovoy, who co-wrote Cry Baby. Ragovoy is known for writing Time is On My Side for the Rolling Stones and another Joplin hit, Piece of My Heart. Clearly Janis liked the songwriting of Jerry Ragovoy. In fact, she also performed this Ragovoy composition that you’ve probably come across at one time or another.

That’s Janis Joplin singing Get It While You Can from her massive second album Pearl in 1971. What you might not know is that Get it While you Can was originally performed by Howard Tate, five years earlier in 1966.

Ragovoy was taken with Tate’s voice and began recording him as a solo artist for Verve Records. Ragovoy’s memorable, punchy Northern soul production paired with Tate’s soulful blues phrasing was a perfect match.

Here’s Howard Tate’s version, the original version, of the Jerry Ragovoy penned Get It While You Can.

That was Howard Tate with Get It While You Can from the 1966 album of the same name.

American rock critic Robert Christgau had this to say about Tate and his collaboration with Jerry Ragovoy.

“Tate is a blues-drenched Macon native who had the desire to head north and sounds it every time he gooses a lament with one of the trademark keens that signify the escape he never achieved. He brought out the best in soul pro Jerry Ragovoy, who made Tate's records jump instead of arranging them into submission, and gave him lyrics with some wit to them besides. In return, Ragovoy brought out the best in Tate.”

Despite the magical team up on early singles and a debut album, Tate recorded his second album without Ragovoy, instead working with Lloyd Price and Johnny Nash. Released in 1969, Howard Tate’s Reaction is more uptown soul than the grittier southern soul of its predecessor, but it’s another recognition worthy collection of performances.

Ragovoy and Tate reunited for 1972’s eponymous Howard Tate. This time an Atlantic release. Critics knock this album as being a notch below Ragovoy’s best songwriting, but I think it’s a worthy piece of Tate’s catalog. Tate sounds great, as always, and there are a couple of really explosive, interesting covers. The Band’s Jemima Surrender and this one.

Bob Dylan’s Girl From the North Country. Listen to this voice.

Howard Tate covering Bob Dylan’s Girl From the North County from 1972.

After recording a handful of additional songs—one single for Epic and a few for his own label—Tate retired from the music business. Frustrated with his lack of crossover, but downright bitter about how little he was paid for his successes, which again, included 3 top 20 R&B hits—he quit. Disappeared, really.

But not everyone was ready to forget. And while his name would fade from memories over the coming decades, Howard Tate’s impact was undeniable.

One of Tate’s heroes, BB King, covered Ain’t Nobody Home. So did Bonnie Raitt.

Ry Cooder and Grand Funk covered Look At Granny Run Run

Jimi Hendrix covered Stop

Foghat covered Eight Days on the Road and so did the one and only queen if soul.

And not everyone forgot. Tate’s old partner, record producer and chief songwriter Jerry Ragovoy made many attempts to track down his old friend over the years. He contacted old business associates and got them in on the search. They all came up empty.

A New Jersey DJ named Phil Casden had developed somewhat of an obsession with Tate’s whereabouts. Casden hosted a weekly radio show, spinning soul, blues and R&B and had taken to asking his listeners for any information about the missing (by this time) cult soul legend.

Even Verve, Tate’s old record company, had given up trying to track down the long retired crooner. The 1995 CD reissue of Tate’s Verve sessions included liner notes that flat out said: Howard Tate is probably dead.

''It wasn't sufficient to leave a story like that open-ended,'' Mr. Casden said. ''I had to find out: 'Is the guy alive? Is he dead?' There had to be something more than, 'He just rode off into the sunset.' ''

In 2001 the mystery was solved. Ron Kennedy, singer of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes recognized Tate at a grocery store and the old pals played catch up after nearly 30 years. They exchanged numbers. Kennedy put the New Jersey DJ, Casden, in touch with Tate. Casden enthusiastically announced the good news to his listeners and the soul fanatics across the internet. Howard Tate was alive! He even put Tate in touch with a lawyer to help him recoup past royalties from his reissues.

Apparently Tate had quite a loyal following overseas. Eventually, a British journalist reached out to Tate’s old partner-producer Jerry Ragovoy for a reaction. The only problem was, Ragovoy didn’t have a reaction to give because he didn’t know Tate had been found. Ragovoy was elated at the news. After reconnecting with his long lost friend and confirming he was doing well, the next thing on his mind: could Howard Tate still sing?

Before we answer that, let’s answer this: where had Tate been all those years after walking away from the music?

After becoming resentful and disheartened by his missing paydays, Tate decided to go missing himself. He didn’t intentionally go into hiding, he just bailed on the industry that he felt wronged had him.

He worked as a securities dealer with Prudential for a while and then darkness hit. He lost his 13-year-old daughter in a house fire. In 1981, after 20 years, his marriage fell apart. Soon after, Tate unraveled too. He tumbled into drug addiction and lost everything. He lived on the streets for years, struggling to get by and feed his habit. Finally, in the mid 90s, he started to climb out of the hole. He cleaned up and found god. He became a minister and dedicated his life to helping the poor and homeless.

And that brings us up to the moment of his big reunion with Jerry Ragovoy and loyal fans awareness that Howard Tate was alive and well after all those years. But now more than your die hard R&B/soul enthusiasts were interested.

But did he still have that voice? Could Howard still sing?

Uh, yeah. Jerry Ragovoy was stunned at how strong Tate sounded after decades of being out of the game. And he was REALLY out of the game. Howard claims he never sang a note all those years. Not until Jerry approached him about recording a comeback album and got him into the studio. Tate also says he had no clue that Janis, B.B., Jimi, Ry or any of the others had ever covered his songs or took an interest in his music.

Howard and Jerry recorded a new album in 2003. It’s called Rediscovered. And remember that Elvis Costello quote from the intro to this episode? Elvis called Tate the missing link between Jackie Wilson and Al Green. Tate asked Costello to write a song for his new album and he agreed. 

Let’s here that now. From his comeback album, Rediscovered, more than 3 decades in the making, here’s Howard Tate with Either Side of the Same Town, written by Elvis Costello.

That was Either Side of the Same Town from Howard Tate’s first album after 30 hears away from the music business. But not his last.

Tate had quite the victory lap. He made numerous tv, radio and festival appearances in the ten years after his reemergence. He recorded two more studio full lengths and a live album. On December 2nd, 2011, Tate passed away of complications of multiple myeloma and leukemia.

With a superb first act and a spectacular resurrection that led to the near doubling of his recorded output, there’s plenty of Tate music to check out and enjoy.

Other sources for this segment are listed below.

I referenced several NPR features in this episode, including the obituary they did for Tate. 

Deep Southern Soul - This blog did a great post on Howard Tate. Lots of other good stuff here, but they recently announced they are closing up.

Gadfly Online - Another nice write up on Tate and his back story.

New Jersey new feature - The clip of Howard talking is from this segment. They did a feature on Tate’s rediscovery.

Trunkworthy - Post about Tate and his comeback. This site digs into music, movies and TV you might have missed. They also did a post about the Elvis Costello song featured in this episode. Elvis’ version is on The Delivery Man album. 

New York Times Obituary for Howard Tate

The Guardian Obituary for Howard Tate

Billboard Magazine, July 26, 2003 - Article about Howard’s return after 30 years.

#Broken Buttons #Howard Tate #soul music #northern soul #rare soul #Marvin Gaye #Jackie Wilson #Sam Cooke #R&B #Jerry Ragovoy #David Letterman #NPR #Fresh Air #Al Green #Wilson Pickett #Janis Joplin #Bob Dylan #Aretha Franklin #Percy Mayfield #New Jersey #Georgia

[how-to-portuguese]

hey, hope this ask finds you well! I've been wanting to study EP (European Portuguese) for a while now but I can't find any resources available. I'd appreciate it greatly if you would recommend me any resources that you use (especially self-study methods that use the IPA, grammar books would help too!). thank you so so much and have a great day/night!!!

Hey! I know it can be really difficult to find EP resources, especially when you are starting out. I’ll give you a bit of background about my own journey and talk about the resources I have found along the way. (Edit: This is quite a long post, so the content is after the break.)

I started learning European Portuguese about 4.5 years ago. Like many others, I struggled to find good EP resources online, and so I ended up taking evening classes. I had a really good teacher and a very small class, and so the lessons helped me build a solid foundation. We used the Gramática Ativa 1 (A1/A2/B1) book by Isabel Coimbra and Olga Mata Coimbra and the Gramática Aplicada: Português para Estrangeiros (A1/A2/B1) book and the corresponding Caderno de Exercícios by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho.

I moved about 2 years ago and am no longer able to take the evening classes, so I have only been doing self-study in my free time. I am currently working my way through the Manual de Aprender Português 3 (B2) by João Malaca Casteleiro, Luísa Coelho e Carla Oliveira. I also bought the Gramática Aplicada Português Língua Estrangeira (B2/C1) book by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho and the Português Atual 3 (C1/C2) book by Hermínia Malcata, but I have not started them yet.

You can find all off these books and others by the same authors online at Bertrand.pt and Lidel.pt. Some of the book series come with CDs for you to be able to do listening exercises at home, which will give you some exposure to the pronunciation. I also bought the Harry Potter series in European Portuguese from Bertand last Christmas (there is a difference between the BP and EP versions!), and I think pushing myself through those books is helping me to reach a much higher level. I can really tell a difference from where I was when I started the Philosopher’s Stone to where I am now starting Prisoner of Azkaban.

I never had books on pronunciation since I took classes from a native Portuguese and my partner is Portuguese. However, I did a quick search on the Bertrand website and found Manual de Pronúncia e Prosódia by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho. I can’t say whether they use IPA or not in that book, but it might be worth looking into. I liked the grammar books by those authors, so the pronunciation manual is probably good as well.

I recently reblogged a YouTube video called The Secret to Understanding Portuguese Natives by Practice Portuguese. That video uses IPA to explain EP vowel sounds. It is about 40 minutes long, but it is worth the time. The Practice Portuguese team have a handful of other YouTube videos and podcasts where they have their viewers submit recordings of themselves reading a text and then they review it and provide advice.

There is also a Practice Portuguese website with other material and lessons, but I have not used it yet as it is not free. It seems to have a lot of good content for beginners, but it’s not clear whether they have a lot of paid content for intermediate and advanced learners. (That is really the only thing stopping me from signing up, so if someone knows the answer then let me know!). I think they are working on a mobile app as well.

I tried A LOT of free language-learning apps offering Portuguese. Most of them only offer Brazilian Portuguese or are very bad quality. Portuguese with Carla did a YouTube video with a really good, in-depth review of the Top 10 European Portuguese Learning Apps. Talk the Streets also has a YouTube video about learning European Portuguese with free apps. Both of those YouTube channels, along with Practice Portuguese, are fully dedicated to EP language learning content.

I completed the DuoLingo tree a while ago, but I did the tree without sound (it was just too confusing). I still use it now and again to practice verb conjugations while commuting. It was helpful that my partner is Portuguese and could point out differences in word usage and grammar. You could potentially use DuoLingo with the DeepL translator and/or the Priberam dictionary to help determine whether a word is more common in Brazil or in Portugal. Linguee is also useful for definitions and to see how a word is used in context.

Memrise does have some European Portuguese lessons. Some people really like this app, but it just wasn’t for me. I think the content wasn’t a good fit because I only discovered the app after I had been taking Portuguese lessons for more than a year. I also really disliked their notification system (even more than DuoLingo), and the app design felt a little too childish and a little too gamified.

Anki and Quizlet are both good flashcard apps. I have heard a lot of positive things about both of them. I tried this briefly, but they mostly reminded how much I hate flashcards. I personally don’t enjoy rote memorisation, and I find that I learn better when I encounter new words in context and then try to use them in conversation or in writing. I think that’s why regularly watching/reading the news on sites like RTP and Público and reading the Harry Potter series has been helpful.

I also tried Tandem, which is a language exchange app. I use it now and again for writing practice, but every time I show myself as online I get flooded with dozens of messages which can be a bit overwhelming. It can be difficult to keep track of the active conversations, as your inbox keeps filling up and pushing those conversations further down the list. I think part of the problem is that you have to put your native language, and a lot of people jump at the chance to practice with a native English speaker. I also have yet to find a native EP speaker, although occasionally I have chatted with pople who make corrections to my messages in both Brazilian and European Portuguese.

One of the cheapest options for lessons is finding teachers through iTalki. You can arrange private lessons with a native speaker from Portugal. Some of these are professional teachers (very few in my experience) and others are native speakers (often linguistic students) trying to get teaching experience or just earn some extra money. I tried iTalki lessons for a while, but the people I had lessons with didn’t seem prepared to teach grammar to someone at my level. It was good for conversation practice, but it just wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. It does seem to get really good reviews from beginners.

You can also look into doing classes online through Instituto Camões. They have online self-learning courses, group classes, and individual classes. The self-learning classes are €180 for 12 weeks, and the price increases up to €320 for 12 weeks of individual tutoring. I have been considering this option recently, as I have found it difficult to commit to regular self-study while also working a full-time job (I’m a Tumblr ancient). I think the financial commitment and the regular schedule would really help me, but that is a personal preference.

If you ever decide that you want to do some language classes in Portugal, you might consider the University of Coimbra Portuguese language courses. They do short courses and several degrees in Portuguese language, literature, and linguistics. There are great language courses all over Portugal, but University of Coimbra is a really cool university in a very nice city. The student culture there is really famous even in Portugal. I haven’t studied there myself, but I have spent a lot of time in the city and the university makes me a bit sad that I am no longer a student.

Whew, this ended up being long post! I tried to give a variety of resources at different price points. I hope you find at least some of this helpful! I may reblog if I remember anything else, and maybe some of my followers will have more suggestions...

#portuguese for beginners #portuguese language #european portuguese #portuguese langblr #portuguese #portuguese resources #how to get started

[lgchyunbin]

happy binnie day <3

the day of his best friends birth is such an important day to gitaek that he has the date set on his phones calandar with a yearly reminder. not that he ever has to be reminded because he is always prepared for the day with a gift of some kind. back in the day they would spend the day hanging out but with training it’s harder to push time aside. gitaek still manages though, inviting his best friend to the studio so they could hang out. a few moments before midnight he had stepped out of the room only to return promptly.

“happy birthday, binnie.” he says at the stroke of midnight a smile over his face as he holds out a small cake with the kakao talk friend characters sitting on top of it. he also has a tiny gift bag in hand which he hands to hyunbin once he has the cake set down carefully. 

see, for his birthday this year gitaek decided it was time to do something he has been debating for a while. it’s not really a secret to anyone who knows them that gitaek is crushing hard on his best friend. and even gitaek is fully aware of it himself. has been for a bit now. 

his gift is something he has actually been working on for a few years, at first it had started as just something he was fiddling around with in his free time, and then he gained a muse as his feelings for hyunbin grew. now–almost three years late–the track is done. not completely perfect as he hasn’t let anyone else listen or edit it, but it’s done. enough so that gitaek thinks hyunbin will understand what he is trying to say. 

the tiny gift bag which he hands to hyunbin with a blush on his cheeks has a CD inside of it, as well as a small ring box that holds a simple silver band that has “my rock star"  engraved along the inside of it. cheesy, yes, but he has always been kind of cheesy with hyunbin. the CD has on it two track, the first one being the full version of the song including gitaek singing. the second is the instrumental version of it. ( song based / similar to this ). 

"you don’t have to listen now, but… i finished a song for you.” the CD has hyunbin written on it like the title and when thats’ revealed it only makes gitaek blush more. 

it’s a little embarrassing for hyunbin to admit that he’s usually the type of person to forget about his own birthday. if it wasn’t for gitaek, he wouldn’t have remembered at all. truth be told, when the other invited him over to the studio, he didn’t think about why, exactly. it isn’t anything new for the both of them to sneak out during late nights, hyunbin makes it a habit, even though he’s aware of the repercussions. he hasn’t been able to do so with gitaek as often lately, due to staying at different dorms. he’s happy with the little moments they do have, although he wishes they could have more.

when midnight comes and gitaek wishes him a happy birthday, hyunbin could only blink. “ah—oh wow, it’s that time of the year already? time flies by pretty fast, huh?” he beams at the sight of the cake, a wide grin on his face. he’s about to ready to pounce on gitaek and hug the living daylights out of his friend, but he stops himself when he’s reminded of the cake that gitaek is holding. it’d be a waste! instead, he reaches out to ruffle gitaek’s hair. “you’re not letting me finish this all on my own, are you? we have to share!”

to his surprise, that isn’t all gitaek had prepared for him. hyunbin watches as the other sets down the cake and pulls out a gift bag. “what’s this, what’s this?” hyunbin asks absentmindedly, marvelling at the bag before he actually opens it. “you composed a song for me?! i can’t believe it—you really didn’t have to, you know. i don’t think i’d be able to wait to listen to it so— let’s play it!” already forgetting about the cake, hyunbin hurriedly heads over and slips the track into the player. it’s only when the first few seconds of the song starts playing that he notices the writing on the CD: my rockstar.

he’s about to address it, maybe tease gitaek about how cheesy he’s being, until he hears gitaek’s voice elsewhere; from the song. it takes all his attention completely, listening intently—he’d do so with any of gitaek’s song, but this one in particular feels different, as if there’s more than what meets the eye, something else behind the guise of a birthday present. for once, hyunbin is quiet, taking in each line of lyric, letting them rest in his mind and in his heart. there’s only one reason why gitaek would gift him such a song, the message is far from subtle from the lyrics alone.

but, he still needs that confirmation—to drive that point home.

as the song comes to an end, hyunbin is still holding onto the CD, eyes glued to the engraved writing. he slides his thumb over it gently, humming to the tune of the pleasant melody. once it finishes, he turns to his best friend—no teasing smirk, no mischievous glint. instead, there’s a serious trace to the look in his eyes, accompanied by a knowing but sweet smile.

“gitaek... is there something else you’re trying to tell me aside from happy birthday?”

#( happy binnie day * gitaek ) #「 kim hyunbin * threads 」 #( bc we're making it a thread ) #lgcgitaek #( also look away i wrote too much ) #( no one is surprised though ) #hyunbinday2020 #submission

[emphoenixcat]

An Unconventional Fam (Pt. 10)

Part 9

Ao3

Buy me a kofi<3

A/N: This chapter takes place after chapter 7 for V and Dax, and chapter 9 for Roman and Remy. Enjoy! 

Summary: V and Dax make their way to the only place where they truly feel safe, a secret hideout in the forest. They have a surprising encounter with a particular werewolf.

Warnings: implied past child abuse (not detailed), slight blood mention, traps, demons, possession, food mention, lightning/thunder, wolves.

The demon and his human, or perhaps the human and his demon, were finally calming down after they were almost caught stealing from a cookie jar earlier that morning.

It was now mid-afternoon and they had managed to get a free bus ride at Dax’s insistence. 

V grumbled, “We shouldn’t be out in public like this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, we can’t possibly walk all the way to the forest and make it there by nightfall. You said you wanted to get to your secret stash and listen to some music to calm down a bit, that is precisely what we’re doing.”

“We should’ve just headed back to our current hideout. This is too much traveling,” V anxiously peered around the bus at the strangers surrounding them.

The demon sighed, “You drew a picture of the demon witch on the walls. It seemed like bad luck to stay. Besides, we would be like sitting ducks if we remained there.”

He decided not to argue with the demon’s judgement, even if it had been primarily motivated by a craving for chocolate, it had solid rationale behind it.

They passed many busy stores and restaurants, now open and very much alive with customers. The leaf strewn sidewalks were teeming with people in a hurry to be somewhere. Dax and V stared longingly out the bus window, watching fragments of another life pass them by. Families walked together outside, children splashing in puddles and jumping in piles of fiery-hued leaves. V wanted to turn away from them and, instead, think like a brave and well-put-together adult, but he couldn’t. He was nothing more than a now twelve-year-old boy, not even close to fully grown. Dax, on the otherhand, was bewildered by such dreadfully heartwarming scenes; they simply didn’t understand such things. They were curious about what constituted as normal in human families, neither of them ever having much experience with such a concept.

It must have been hours before they were outside of town, but they were too busy daydreaming to be worried about the passing of time. The bus’s final stop was at an old gas station that was about an hour’s walk away from their special hiding place. V made sure to sit next to a large group of people despite his nagging uneasiness. They needed to remain as inconspicuous as possible after all.

As soon as the bus came to a stop at its final destination, they made their way to the doors, following closely behind the few people that were left.

“Hey, V. I’m feeling snackish. Do you feel like going for them chocolate chip cookies?”

Dax could feel V rolling his eyes at him, “Considering you ate one before I was awake and that I didn’t get to fully enjoy it the first time….yes.”

The demon sheepishly smiled, “I had to taste test them first to make sure they were suitable for the birthday boy.”

“Please don’t call me that.”

They walked in comfortable silence for a while, chewing on the delectable chocolate chip cookies and enjoying the crisp autumn air. They were breathing easier now that they were far away from prying eyes and now that the threat of the demon witch was temporarily pushed out of their minds. Something about the flavorful treats made V optimistic in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time, he vaguely wondered if they were getting a sugar high from said sweets. His heart sank slightly at the thought of never being able to go back to the diner for more cookies, not after being seen.

Pushing the image of the concerned man from earlier out of their minds, they continued forward through the undergrowth of the forest. It had been a month or two since they had come back to their little wooded hideaway; they tried not to go back and forth too often because it was easier to remain in town where they could go to various stores for the everyday essentials.

Getting to the hideout from here was not a problem, they had made sure of it by creating a magical path that only they could see. 

When Dax had agreed to help V run away from the demon witch, Stella, they had managed to snag a few potions and elixirs on their way out. Even though V struggled with the writing on the bottles, most of them were accompanied by symbols that he had been around all his life so he had some idea what they were used for. Mendacius, on the other hand, was more certain of the properties of each bottle since he was rather fluent in reading Latin and old runes. Together, they used a bright blue potion labelled Ignis Fatuus, which Dax knew would light a path leading to their desired destination. Only those who had unbottled the potion under a full moon and watched each drop of liquid seep into the earth were able to see Ignis Fatuus (which the demon had informed V was better known as Will-o’-the-wisp, a type of faerie magic that could only be used in this way when captured).

The shade of the trees provided enough low light to better see the magic bright blue flames that lined the forest floor. It wasn’t long before they came upon a tree with a hidden hollowed out inside. They pressed down on a large tree knot as if it were a button, a stairway within the trunk revealing itself step by step. 

Cautiously looking over his shoulder, V ascended the stairway until they were safely inside their secret treehouse.

The house was, of course, only the size of a small room, but inside it contained all of V and Dax’s most treasured belongings. Among art and photographs, a string of purple and yellow star-shaped fairy lights were strung along the wall, lighting up now that they were fully inside the room. Strewn about the walls were many of V’s paintings and sketches; he had tried to hang only those that reminded him of something good and comforting. Most of them were a likeness of the forest, some were depictions of Dax, and there were a few that V had let Dax help him draw….those ones were usually pictures of chocolate bars and cookies. V shook his head at the thought and smirked, what a weirdo. 

“Hey,” Dax protested, “I heard that.”

V just grinned and carried on admiring the contents of their hideaway treehouse. Of course the demon had other interests besides chocolate, such interests were depicted in photographs they had taken of shops and nature and unaware passersby. Mendacius had taken a strong liking to photography because of the way he could capture special moments on earth. He often hoped that the photos would withstand the tests of time so that he could always remember the best of everything long after this life and the next.

Among little dark wooden shelves, were stacks upon stacks of CDs, batteries, and music boxes of all kinds. Right beside the dark oakwood shelving, there rested a sturdy wooden trunk with silver runic symbols etched all along the sides; this was where all the potions were safely kept under lock and key. Not in any need of magical concoctions at this point in time, they glanced at the neatly-made and soft-looking bed that sat in the lefthand corner of the room, its soft purple blankets and an ebony plush bunny by the name of Mrs. Fluffybottom were a welcome sight for sore eyes. 

Without a second thought, they jumped on the mattress, wrapping the soft blanket around themselves and letting out a sigh of relief. Nothing felt safer than their treehouse retreat. For about the millionth time, V and Dax thanked whatever forces were in their favor for the Arbor Domus potion or, put more simply, the Grow a Home potion. All they had needed was a drop of the green liquid and an oak tree seed. After that, everything else was provided by Mendacius and his cunning thievery, something that V wasn’t exactly proud of.

Pushing those thoughts from his mind, V chanced a glance out of a small circular window near the bed, noticing the rays of sunlight fading through the trees. His birthday would be over soon enough, all they had to do was lay low here and let the rest of the day pass.

“Sleep now, V. You didn’t get enough rest earlier,” Dax urged him to lay back down and get comfortable.

V chewed at his nails, “I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea.”

“Nobody can find us here. And I’m not moving us anywhere, I promise,” Dax reassured him. “We’re safe.”

Nodding slightly, V relented and let their head softly hit the pillow as he tucked themselves snuggly within the blanket covers. After grabbing the plush bunny for extra security, it only took a moment for the normally anxious boy to feel safe enough to snooze.

Dax meant to stay awake to watch over V, but the demon felt his own spirit getting drowsy. In what seemed like no time at all, both souls were comfortably curled up and sleeping soundly, the soft glow of fairy lights providing them with dreams unburdened by darkness or evil witches of any kind.

They were abruptly awoken by the sound of a wild animal deeply howling. V bolted up so quick that they nearly got whiplash.

Crankily, Dax rubbed at their eyes, “Calm down, V. It’s probably just the wind.”

“That is most definitely not the wind. That was a wolf.”

The demon sighed, “So what? The creature can’t get us from here, this place is cloaked by magic.”

“Oh,” V clutched their rabbit plushie a little closer to himself, comforted by its presence. “I suppose you’re right. It just startled me is all; it sounds awfully close.”

They were silent for a moment, straining their ears to listen. There was the unmistakable pitter-patter of raindrops hitting the roof. Minutes passed before they heard the howl again, this time it was much closer. 

Trying not to feel nervous, they peered out the window and into the forest down below. The eerie glow of the full moon was shadowed by a great deal of cloud cover, yet it cast just enough light for them to see the russet-hued wolf that stood at the base of their tree. It was simply staring into the sky, seemingly entranced. It let loose another hauntingly drawn-out howl.

Not wanting to alert the wolf to their presence, even if they were hidden by magic, V opted for speaking to Dax telepathically rather than out loud. “What kind of wolf is that? It’s kinda orange, almost tri-colored like a timber wolf.”

“That’s not a normal wolf. It’s much too big and definitely not native to these parts.”

“A werewolf?” V’s eyes widened, “Is it--? No, it can’t be.”

��Dax only nodded, he could see the glow of a human-like aura intertwined with that of a wolf-like one. The demon sent the image over to V’s mind as they watched the wolf below them dash away into the darkness and out of sight.

“Well, he’s gone now. Not much to worry abo--”

A piercing cry echoed across the expanse of trees followed by a series of yelps and whimpers.

V and Dax stood stock still in stunned silence, they were both wondering what in the world had just happened to elicit such a spine-chilling sound from their wolfy acquaintance. The shrill whimpering continued and V finally found the will to speak, “M--maybe we should go see what’s wrong. I mean, it sounds like he’s hurt.”

“Oh really now, the big bad wolf should be able to take care of himself,” Dax rolled their eyes, “Besides, I thought that you wanted to stay in tonight and avoid any and all trouble.”

A long and heart-wrenching whine could be heard throughout their area of the woods.

“C’mon. You know we can’t just stay here and do nothing while he’s hurting out there.”

Dax threw their arms up in the air in exasperation, “Fine, we’ll go out and help! But only because I can’t stand his incessant whining. Don’t blame me when your fear of dogs is worsened because wolfy over there decides that we’d make a good chew toy.”

Well aware that they were planning on helping an unpredictable wild animal, which was stronger and bigger due to its magical qualities, they decided they should equip themselves with a little magic of their own.

V took off the collar that his bunny, Mrs Fluffybottom, wore around its neck. Hooked onto the neckband, like a bell, was a silver and black key. 

Determined, V took the key over to the chest and fit it into the heavy padlock. Something clicked and they carefully lifted the heavy lid until it rested against the wall. Dax and V stared at the various vials of liquid enchantments set before them. The demon retrieved a tiny bottle of what looked almost blood-like in color. As he touched the glass, ancient runes briefly revealed themselves and Dax nodded with certainty. 

“This is the one we need,” their eyes skimmed the rest of the pile, “Unfortunately, there are not any cloaking potions in here. Looks like we’re on our own.”

V shrugged their shoulders, “We usually are.”

Before they could lose that sliver of bravery pulsing inside of them, they pocketed the healing potion and shut the chest, locking it up once more and returning the key back to its rightful place. Smiling softly, V patted the dark bunny’s head and thanked it for guarding the key. Mrs. Fluffybottom could only stare back at them with mismatched purple button eyes of course, but that didn’t matter much to V. 

V pulled their hood up over their ears, mindful of the wind and drizzle that was going on outside. Then they hurried down the staircase and out the entrance of the hollowed out tree, the steps vanishing from sight behind them. 

Once outside, they made sure to creep silently, moving deftly through twigs, crunchy leaves, and undergrowth. The rainfall made it a lot simpler to walk undetected towards the high-pitched yowling, which seemed to be getting even louder. Dax and V rounded a tree and abruptly stopped, tiptoeing backwards in order to remain out of sight.

Lying on the forest floor in a small pool of blood was the wolf, his hind leg caught in the heavy metallic jaws of a beartrap. 

“Great, what’s the plan now? We can’t heal him without freeing him first.”

V eyed the wolf warily, “I dunno, I was hoping it was a simple injury. Why does it always have to be beartraps?”

“I guess werewolves don’t have many other weaknesses.”

“Well,” V bit his lip in thought, “if we’re gonna do this, I’m gonna need your help as much as possible.”

“We could wait until he turns human again, couldn’t we?” Dax suggested.

“No, he’s bleeding out. It’s too long of a wait until sunrise….”

Without a second thought, they stepped out from behind the tree.

The wolf’s head turned and the whimpering turned into low guttural growls as the creature finally realized he was no longer alone.

V hesitated, slowly edging closer to the wolf. He extended a hand toward the creature in what he hoped was a placating gesture.

“H--hey, buddy. Remember us? I know we got off to a bad start, but we returned the book and even left a note. We’re cool, right? You wouldn't dream of tackling us a second time, right?” V lightly chuckled, his voice shaky and whispery.

The tawny wolf tilted his head in confusion and the growls softened for a moment, however, his ears remained as alert as ever. He fixed his eyes on the other and V stilled in their tracks, mesmerized as the wolf’s irises flashed from gold to brown for a fleeting moment; it had happened so fast that they weren’t even sure they had seen it correctly.

Because it was what seemed like the logical response at the time, they let their eyes flash a deep ebony before letting the color settle back into V’s usual hazel.

The wolf cautiously bowed his head to them, his tail lowered.

They took this as a sign that it was okay to approach. Dax and V attentively knelt down next to the silver trap, the light of the moon glinting off of it ever so slightly. V let the demon take control as they worked to pull the metallic jaws apart, careful not to touch the sharp teeth of the contraption. Sweat was beginning to form on their brow as they pried at the trap for several long minutes, the metal was slick from the rain and their hands kept slipping. Grunting from the extended exertion, the demon used as much strength as he could muster and V helped as much as he possibly could. The beartrap finally began to budge ever so slightly. With what sounded a lot like a battle cry, the hinges were creaked back just enough for the werewolf to free his paw. As soon as they noticed he was free, they let go of the trap and it snapped shut, just narrowly missing their fingers as they fell backward onto the damp forest floor.

Sighing with relief, they tiredly retrieved the healing elixir from their pocket and managed a faint smile at the wolf next to them. They uncorked the bottle and let the tiniest drop of red liquid fall upon the creature’s injured paw. Within seconds, the potion started to work its magic repairing the wound until the paw looked as good as new. No scars remained.

The wolf stared at his paw and twirled around in circles as if disbelieving, then he peered up at them, his irises as golden as ever.

V felt a shiver run up his spine and he turned to look over his right shoulder. Mendacius was taking form beside him. It appeared to be the devil’s hour once again.

There was a sudden flash in the sky and a resounding clap of thunder. The werewolf snarled.

They were still on the ground and out of breath. Both of them knew that if they were to run, the creature would catch up.

The wolf crept forward, sniffing the air.

“M--maybe if we don’t make any sudden movements, he won’t attack?” Dax said hopefully, he was suddenly very aware that his physical form was now solidified enough to be maimed.

V managed to nod once, his wide eyes still glued to the threat before them.

Nose still twitching, the werewolf backed away from them a few steps. Then the creature lunged, knocking them both backward with his huge paws.

V’s eyes were shut tightly, his breathing erratic and strained. He was absolutely certain that this was the end, but then he felt something wet and slobbery tickle his nose and his eyelids fluttered open only to be greeted by the view of the dog's tongue darting out to lick his cheek. The wolf turned to Dax to do the same.

“Ugh, gross! This is the last time I help a werewolf!” the demon complained.

They were licked excitedly by the wolf about three or four more times before he happily bounded away further into the woods, his tail wagging behind him. The duo remained on the now muddy ground, they were absolutely rain-soaked, but the utter exhaustion from all that they had gone through kept them rooted to the spot for a little while longer. It was quite a lot to process.

UF Taglist: @virgilanxiety @monikastec @nyxwordsmith @prplzorua @thestoryofme13 @llamaly @dark-strange-mess @socialfailure @justanotherpurplebutterfly @internallyexplodingrainbows @devoted-to-boyking-samshine @groverpal @potatogirl309 @sockopath @ocotopushugs @callboxkat @violetmcl @ravenclawunicorn1 @isaysolanumlycopersicum @the-straight-as-a-circle-girl @that-one-invisible-chick @nye275 @confinesofpersonalknowledge @jojosenpai @audricusthebold @noodlesforlife13 @spazzz32 @axyzel @6tick6tock6 @ijustreallylovesanderssides @virgilisaneternalmood @jade-dragon226-fan @britbrodcast @crankthatyee @awesomelissawho @couch-potato-1890 @temmiecupcake @lucifer-in-my-head @tahiti-island-dream @crownswriter123 @harry-niclach @kikiofthevast @amazinglissawho @vibe-with-vinnie @notspookymonth  @a-pastel-pan @captain-otis-dante @enby-in-fandom @magridalthewitch @monixmoony 

General Taglist: @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms @anxious-but-whatever @tellmehowtoexist @maizieandbirds @theresneverenoughfandoms @grumpymoonbird @lizaelsparrow

A/N: How cool would it have been if I had actually gotten this werewolf chapter out on not only a full moon, but the blue moon that we had on Halloween night? That would’ve been spectacular. *sighs*

#sanders sides fanfic #fantasy au #mythical au #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #werewolf au #demon au #vampire au #remy sanders #TS sleep #emphoenixcat writes #unconventional famILY

[monabela]

this is here because I was listening to esc songs and Goodbye To Yesterday suddenly seemed like a great song to write a fic about. so here you go, a small, mostly aimless thing. the title... is from that other estonian song. no, not Play. it’s from Verona.

never said enough

pairings/characters: Belarus (Nadzeya)/Estonia (Eduard)

word count: 3268 summary: Nadzeya wakes up alone, and she doesn’t understand why. The only one with the answer to that question is the man who left her, and she’s determined to find it.

Something is off.

Nadzeya doesn’t open her eyes, trying to listen for what woke her. The room is quiet. Her whole house is quiet. She sighs, and outside, down on the narrow street, a car starts. It idles, just a few seconds, and then the sound echoes off the old buildings as the car leaves the street.

Without opening her eyes, Nadzeya flings her arm out across her bed, hitting the empty pillow next to her.

“Fucking coward,” she grits, letting the wave of anger she feels quickly overtake the welling of sadness. Anger is, in her experience, much easier to deal with. Her fingers clench in the empty pillow, arm quickly getting cold. How fucking early is it?

Finally, Nadzeya wrenches her eyes open to check the alarm clock on its shelf across the room, nestled between her collection of CDs. Six-fucking-fourteen, is he serious? Groaning, she turns over and tucks her arm back underneath the covers, pressing her face into the mattress, into the lingering, familiar smell of pine and fresh bread.

Although she dozes off and finds it’s half past six by the time she opens her eyes again, trying to go fully back to sleep seems like a futile exercise at this point, so she curses some more under her breath, just to make sure she stays angry instead of slipping even slightly toward despondent, and rolls out of bed. There is absolutely no reason to be up; it’s her day off work and there is nothing to be done around the house. Maybe, somewhere, she had planned on spending at least the morning… Not alone.

But she overestimated Eduard Mets, obviously.

There is no note anywhere in his ever-hurried handwriting that explains his abrupt departure from her bed and her house, no text or voice message left.

Nadzeya had expected more. Too much, evidently. Coward.

It’s a good thing she spent so much of her teens and early twenties being angry at just about everything—including herself, more often than not—because she finds it’s barely any effort to hold on to the ire now, slamming doors up and down her narrow house and stomping on the many stairs.

She knows he’s an evasive man, is the thing. Eduard has these things he refuses to talk about, and Nadzeya knows she’s stubborn, but he manages to talk around her every time she asks. It’s impressive, and it does—it did—intrigue her. That little bit of mystery.

Of course, it now turns out it’s just cowardice.

Without noticing, she has started dragging her feet. It’s still barely gone seven, but Nadzeya goes and puts on the heaviest boots she can find, digging them out from underneath some festival outfits from the past few years. They don’t match her T-shirt and jeans at all, but she needs to stomp some more.

Eduard liked these boots, one of the first times they met up. Said they made her look like some ancient warrior queen. Then, of course, they’d had sex in his awful little tent, and they haven’t really stopped since.

Kicking the wardrobe, Nadzeya focuses on her anger. She doesn’t understand what happened here, and she hates not understanding things.

Since she’s up now, she makes breakfast, deciding to go all out with it because she might as well, and also to spite Eduard if just in spirit. That man is religious about breakfast.

After managing to eat everything she makes, Nadzeya reads the news, which is one thing that always serves to make her feel worse. As expected, it works. Somewhat. It also serves to remind her that it’s more fun to be able to bitch about it to someone, even if just over text messages. She’ll be damned if she texts Eduard as if he didn’t run out on her at ass o’clock in the morning, though. He doesn’t deserve that.

She’s sure she didn’t deserve that.

There’s the sadness again, threatening to drown out the anger that is much preferable.

No one would accuse Nadzeya Alyakhnovich of being a melodramatic person, but that’s just because very few people actually know her well. When she was eleven, a girl in school laughed at her dress, and she still despises her with a vengeance, just because it’s a petty thing to do and that’s what makes it fun. She told Eduard this, once. He seemed impressed by her ability to hold a grudge at the time, because he isn’t the type—much too logical for that, and probably too much of a fucking coward—but he didn’t seem particularly surprised that she would. He has strange talents, and understanding her is one of them.

Remembering that makes this even more confusing, and it’s getting harder to stay angry. The sun is rising outside, slowly bringing color to the cold streets of the city, lifting the haze of night under which he slunk away, and Nadzeya just needs to understand.

Everything about Eduard is rational; he’s always thinking about everything, so what the hell was he thinking?

It’s almost eight now. Nadzeya has already had it with this day.

Getting out her phone, she opens her contacts. Scrolls to Eduard’s name. Although she opens their messages—she never realized, she thinks, how often they talk about the most mundane things, like the most recent conversation, which is about how hay fever is a bitch—she does not send anything new.

Instead, she yanks her bag from the table, throws her phone into it, and slams all the doors on the way out.

There is only room for one coward in this—this relationship, and it sure as hell will not be Nadzeya. She’d be dishonoring the name of Alyakhnovich if she were. So she’s going to find the man who is.

It’s still too cold of a spring morning to be outside without a coat on, let alone ride on a motorcycle, but Nadzeya just puts her helmet on and determinedly ignores the goosebumps crawling down her bare arms.

Eduard lives barely fifteen minutes away, just outside of the city’s main bustle, on the lower floors of terraced building that would be lovely if age hadn’t weathered it to a dull grey color. He’s constantly complaining about the lack of parking space, but Nadzeya just slides her bike between two cars and stomps her way to the front door of number 14A, where she rings the doorbell just once. She isn’t desperate, after all. Not sad. Just pissed off.

The door isn’t opened, and fine. If he wants to be like that, two can play that game.

Nadzeya rings the doorbell about ten times in quick succession, then slams on the door with a closed fist.

“Come out!” she shouts. “You coward!”

Still no movement in Eduard’s house, but somewhere else, a door opens, and then there’s a man’s voice from above her.

“Hey, what’s goin’ on down there?”

Nadzeya takes a step back to look at Eduard’s upstairs neighbor standing on his tiny balcony, the neighbor who must be the one Eduard says is always making noise at inconvenient hours but also keeps giving him baked goods, which apparently makes it okay. Nadzeya thinks that’s bribery, but then if anything could bribe Eduard, it would be baked goods.

“Oh, hey!” the neighbor is saying. “You’re Eduard’s girl, right?”

And, really, Nadzeya resents being called a girl—she’s well in her thirties—let alone someone’s girl, but she just shrugs now. The man grins.

“Sounds like he’s in trouble, huh? Can’t imagine Mets doin’ anything to deserve all that racket, so it must be pretty bad.”

“Where the fuck is he?” Nadzeya narrows her eyes up at the man, ignoring his obvious attempt to get some gossip out of her. He just keeps grinning, unperturbed, light hair flopping all over the place. He looks like someone who makes a lot of noise, for sure.

“Went off to work.” A vague gesture in the direction of the city center.

“It’s Saturday.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said when I saw him leave!” The man shrugs. “He’s a workaholic, that guy. Or he’s avoidin’ ya. Wouldn’t blame him, no offense.”

Nadzeya quirks her eyebrows minutely, decides to take it as a compliment, turns, and walks back to her motorcycle.

“Wish him good luck from me!” the neighbor yells after her when she takes off. She will not.

It’s remarkable how much she knows about Eduard. Except it’s not, really, Nadzeya realizes. She knows she has no real skill with people, never has and never will, but it became easy to talk to Eduard. At first, maybe, they talked when they weren’t busy having sex, but if she’s honest with herself, it didn’t take long before it was the other way around.

Case in point; she knows where he works. They’ve had lunch together a few times, somewhere near the university when Eduard was between lectures and Nadzeya between shifts at the museum—she would be lying if she said she doesn’t enjoy the looks she gets when she manages to get away on the days she does demonstrations and is in full period costume. With fake bloodstains.

There are no lectures on Saturdays, though, not in Eduard’s department, and if he were doing research, she’d know.

She’d know.

She parks her motorcycle haphazardly between some bicycles, very nearly knocking one over. It’s hard to resist the urge to kick it, but she’d probably damage it with these boots and the fucking bike didn’t do anything wrong.

Even early on a Saturday morning, the hall of the university is fairly busy with students. Nadzeya weaves her way through them to the information desk, slamming her palm down on it and startling the woman sitting there.

“Good mor—” she starts.

“I’m looking for Eduard Mets,” Nadzeya says. “Where is he?”

For a long moment, the woman just blinks up at her owlishly. Nadzeya bites the inside of her cheek.

“He works here.”

“Yes, of course. He should be up in…” She trails off as she gestures upwards. “Actually, there he is.”

Turning, Nadzeya follows her gaze up to the mezzanine level over the canteen area of the hall. Eduard has his back turned to the desk and is talking to a young man who must be one of his students. He’s tucked his hands underneath his own upper arms in a familiar gesture and is wearing the same turquoise sweater he was yesterday, despite obviously having been at home.

“Thanks,” Nadzeya tells the woman behind the desk, and goes to find some stairs, hoping Eduard hasn’t run off by the time she gets up there.

He has not. When she throws the door of the stairwell open and starts towards him, he looks up at the heavy footfalls of her boots, and freezes, eyes wide. The student looks between them curiously. He appears quite young to be at university.

“Nadzeya,” Eduard starts as she nears, and he gestures at the boy. “I’m—”

“Thanks, Mr Mets, bye!” the student says, and scuttles off to the other end of the mezzanine level, barely pretending not to pay attention to them anymore. He might even be pulling out his phone to report to his friends. Eduard looks after him for a moment, raising his hands forlornly.

“Pretty smart kid,” Nadzeya comments. Eduard turns back to her, expression caught between apprehensive and plain sheepish. It’s not fear, and she doesn’t know if she’s glad about that or not. It would have been easier if he was afraid, maybe. His sea-green eyes are bright as ever, even if the way they are squinted slightly behind his glasses indicates that he hasn’t had enough sleep. It was one o’clock by the time they’d gone to bed.

“What are you doing here, Nadzeya?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she snaps.

“I work here—”

“Not on fucking Saturdays, Eduard. I’m not an idiot.” She takes a step closer, tilting her head back to look up at him. He swallows visibly, eyes flitting everywhere but her face. Her next words are a hiss. “What the fuck happened?”

“I just thought…” He adjusts his glasses. “Can we do this somewhere more private, maybe?”

“Absolutely not.” She jabs a finger against his chest. Her nail polish is chipped, and she has not put on makeup, which is very rare, but she’s too upset to give a damn. “All I need is an explanation. You’re a teacher, it can’t be that hard.”

“Look, it’s… I…” He chews on his lip nervously. When he reaches for his glasses, his long fingers brush against her cold arm. He pitches his voice low. “I didn’t think I should stay.”

Nadzeya frowns up at him, jerking her chin to demand more explanation.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

She blinks, trying to process that.

“Why not?”

“We didn’t—” He leans closer to her after glancing around nervously. “We didn’t have sex. Last night.”

“And?” They don’t always have sex when they meet, now, no matter the time of day. In fact, more often than not, they just have lunch, or go to a museum, or that concert a few weeks back. For all intents and purposes, they have been dating, despite never having named it as such.

“Nadzeya, I’ve never stayed the night.”

“Yes, you have.”

“No.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve stayed late, but never… Like that. I’ve always left, you know, afterwards.”

She wonders at how that brain of his made this leap of logic, because she’s a smart woman and she has no idea what the hell he means right now. Afterwards? What about the nights they’ve just spent watching ever stranger documentaries or just drinking beer and talking, when he only left because he said he had work in the morning?

“So because we didn’t fuck—” she narrows her eyes when he winces and looks around again— “you decide it’s okay to leave without any kind of message? How the fuck does that sound logical?”

“I should have written something, but I wanted to spare myself the awkwardness, Nadzeya!” he hisses. “I thought you wouldn’t want me to stay!”

“You thought I—” She tries to take a deep breath, and find to her surprise and horror that it’s difficult, breath shuddering. “You can’t think for me, Eduard Mets.”

“I thought…”

“You’re always thinking! I know!” There are probably people watching, and this might be getting live-tweeted. She doesn’t care. “But you don’t think for me. You don’t get to decide what I want.”

“I know.” He touches her arm. His fingers are warm.

“You don't, obviously! If you knew what I wanted, we wouldn’t fucking be here, we’d be having breakfast in my kitchen! Because you’d know I don’t give a fuck whether we have sex, Eduard.”

The anger is difficult to hold on to, and the sadness that it has been keeping at bay is surging up. She finds herself grasping Eduard’s sweater, gritting her teeth against the empty feeling in her chest, the unwelcome taste of tears at the back of her throat. It’s easier to be angry, because at least if she’s just angry, she doesn’t have to face up to the fact that this thing—that Eduard—means more to her than she had anticipated. More than it seems to mean to Eduard.

“I don’t know how you can still think I just care about getting laid.” It’s said through gritted teeth, and Eduard bites his lip in return, slowly reaching for her face, swiping a thumb across her cheekbone. Nadzeya looks up at him, meeting the familiar sea-green eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he says. She swallows, averting her gaze. Eduard’s chest rises and falls steadily under her fingers, and she watches it for a moment. He waits, silent. He knows she talks when she wants to, that she sometimes needs to put the words in order first. It’s another one of those things that make this situation so baffling.

“I don’t think it’s been that kind of casual for a long time, at least for me,” she says at the hollow of his throat. “Maybe I wanted it to be.”

“Nadzeya—”

She looks up now, not knowing what she’ll say until she says it, and then it seems strange she didn’t realize.

“I’m in love with you,” she tells him, and the series of expressions that flits across his face is unreadable. “So don’t try to decide for me what I—”

He kisses her, pushing both hands into her hair in that way he does. There may be a gasp somewhere on the mezzanine level.

It’s a hard kiss, one that speaks of emotion, and Nadzeya doesn’t know what to do. Eduard’s heart is thundering under her palm as she spreads her hand against his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” he breathes when he pulls away, a curious light in his eyes. “Nadzeya, I’m a coward. I’m such… I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you are,” she whispers, still out of her depth. This entire situation is… Not one she’d predict herself getting into, but maybe she herself underestimates her penchant for melodrama as well.

“Let’s try again.” Eduard presses his lips together and searches her gaze. “I feel the same, Nadzeya. I feel the same. I was just scared, and I’m sorry.”

All the air leaves her lungs in a great rush, and Nadzeya closes her eyes for a long moment, willing the tears back definitively. This whole thing is melodramatic enough as is. She wants to call Eduard an idiot, and maybe herself as well, a bit, because she recognizes somewhere that he isn’t the only one at fault here, but Eduard is the one who walked out, so she feels justified in not bringing that up right now. They’ll get around to that.

“Okay,” she says instead, curling her fingers against his lean chest. “Okay. Let’s try again.”

He smiles, a little tentatively, and she shakes her head, fond despite herself. She feels… Light. It’s a curious feeling, a pretty rare one, but she likes it. Still, she attempts to look stern when she lifts her gaze back to Eduard’s.

“Don’t ever—” she pokes his chest— “try to think for me again, Eduard Mets. You have no right.”

He catches her wrist.

“I won’t.” There’s an earnest expression on his face that would honestly disgust Nadzeya in any other situation, but she’ll take it this time.

“Good.” She tugs her own arm back until he leans forward and kisses her again. It’s soft, this time, no intent beyond it. Eduard tastes like peppermint.

When someone nearby clears their throat, he pulls back, making a face. Color is quickly rising in his pale cheeks, and Nadzeya grins.

“You’re gonna be the talk of the school, Mr Mets.”

“Oh, god. Can we leave? I really have nothing to do here anyway, and I think I owe you breakfast.”

“Fine.” She raises an eyebrow. “I’ve done breakfast, though. You owe me lunch.”

“It’s nine!”

“We’ll make do.”

As they leave, Eduard gets his coat from a locker and drapes it over her shoulders, pine and fresh bread surrounding her. She pulls it around herself, willing to revel in it for now. They have things to work out, but they’ll work them out later.

At the doors, she hears the young student from before shout, “Have a nice day, Mr Mets!”

Eduard groans, and Nadzeya can’t help but grin, turning to wave up at the boy.

“Don’t encourage him,” Eduard says.

She smiles and tugs him outside. It’s a nice morning.

#Hetalia #estbela #aph belarus #aph estonia #u: human #fin #w: 5000 #does anyone remember when i wrote that parody of verona #where instead of lost in verona it was lost in ikea #because I can't find it anywhere and sometimes i think i dreamed it

[vmfx]

WE DON’T DO THAT HERE.

I just disclosed to all of my co-workers that I have a radio show. They all seem very enthusiastic and extremely positive about it. For that I am very lucky because every day I work with them they usually have nothing good to say. They are the 17 to 25 crowd running on alcoholic fumes, weekend bars, Androids, Yankee games, hanging with “the guys”, and typical basic girls. So it comes as no surprise as to what their mentality is.

When I say they’re enthusiastic, I mean that they light up. They light up with an obvious hard-on because at first they think I’m on a big-name radio station and I play the hottest in Top 40 and pop. “It’s not like that. I dee-jay for a college station” I tell them. But that’s OK. They still think it’s awesome that I play music over the air and emanate their rooms, car stereos, and laptops. Then come the same questions I get asked every week because either someone new discovers what I do or they easily forget and we needlessly re-start the same conversation all over again. Or they’re trolling.

“What time do you go on?” “What music do you play?” “Are you on every week?” “Where is the radio station you DJ at?” “Do you go on the mic and talk?” “How long are you on for?” “Do you take requests?” “Do you do shout-outs?” These are valueless questions I normally don’t answer to because I can’t be bothered with them; questions asked in an obvious kindergarten fascination that I rather not waste my time with and would rather move on without having to focus on such intellectual mediocrity. In fact, the answers to all of these questions can be answered by simply listening to my show. There.

One of my co-workers decides he wants to be funny and impress his friends. He asks me if I ever do my “radio” voice on the air, and then proceeds give it his best attempt at it:

“This…is…Dee Jay _______…on 107.5…FM…WQXZ, New York! Playing…the…hottest hits. Ten. In a row. Non-stop!”

Heads up to no one in particular: it’s nice for people and friends to approach me and be interested in what I do, and I appreciate it. I really do. And then there are those who are into it but then proceed to define me by impersonating their best stereotypical zesty action-packed radio voice, complete with man-made astro-blaster laser sound effects from an action-figure maturity.

Please stop. It’s not funny, you’re not funny, and no one is laughing. That’s not what happens on my show. All I do is play music and be myself as usual. That’s all. It’s not WBLI, Z100, or Now FM if that’s what you were thinking. And since it’s not right to try and define who you think I am to satisfy your piss-poor expectations, I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if I defined your life by pointing out your poor choice of clothing, your lack of real understanding, your never-ending stupidity, why your parents still make your bed, or why you have been dateless all your life.

Another pointless obstacle course I had to go through was that another co-worker tried guessing what music I play on my show in the form of a yes-or-no question-and-answer session. My previous answer of “a lot of music you wouldn’t like or tolerate” and “anything that’s not mainstream” wasn’t good enough for him to comprehend to avoid this altogether. So our little elfin pretend game-show host, who is 23 but looks like he is 11, plays this game with me.

“Now, I’m going to tell you an artist or band name and you tell me if you would play it. Ready?”

“Sure.” I say with some hesitation and an exasperated breath, knowing exactly how this is going to go. Lord help me.

“Metallica.”

“No.”

“Bon Jovi.”

“No.”

“Kid Cudi?”

“No.”

“Whitney Houston?”

“No.”

“Justin Beiber?”

“No.”

“Ozzy?”

“No.”

“Taylor Swift?”

“No.”

“Adele?”

“No.”

“Drake?”

“No.”

“David Bowie?”

“Hmmm…”

“Ahhh! There’s a maybe! “Linkin Park?”

“Stop.”

“Chris Brown?”

“Stop?”

“Rick Astley?”

“NO. Stop.”

This was what I went through a couple of days ago. He was fully aware what I play on-air not only because I told him before but also I sent him the link to my show. But when you’re the department comedian, you need to depend on your co-workers for everyone’s amusement. So you blow right through convenience and force uncomfortable interactions for laughs at someone’s expense. He instead ended up giving me a list of artists I wouldn’t dare touch or even infect our studio’s CD drives, turntables, or computers with. And he knows this.

**********

My show states what I play: “punk, hardcore, female, grrl, electronics, hip-hop, hipster, trendy, art, industrial, breakbeats, experimental, techno, spoken word, rare Seventies, drum and bass, reggae, lo-fi, and even noise”. It also says “no Top 40, no Billboard, no pop, no American Idol, no Nielsen Ratings, no Clear Channel.” Why would I waste my time playing artists that are already being played ad nauseum on pop stations, car commercials, malls, restaurants, movies, and soda ads millions of times over? And why would I have to explain myself to people who clearly don’t deserve it?

It’s simple. On my show I play everything other stations and outlets won’t. Being it’s a college radio station, we don’t get money from corporate sponsors but instead grass-roots community members, students, administration, and other people listening in around the world to donate money to us. That means we are not told what to play, rather we play whatever we want, artists who otherwise have almost zero chance of getting airplay. I can actually educate my listeners by playing Merzbow, Einsturzende Neubauten, Sonic Youth, or Aphex Twin instead of brainwashing them. So, why would I waste valuable airtime on artists who already have endless amounts of it?

Another thing: requests. I don’t ask for them and I won’t play them. Why would I jeopardize the show’s good looks if someone asks me to play Nickelback when I play music like Crystal Castles, Cold Cave, The Dead Boys, and Death Grips? Where does some sappy commercial band that millions of people have on their death list have its place on my show? I want my listeners to enjoy my show and support me, not blacklist it and send me death threats.

Even more ridiculous are the dedications. Please. I prevent this from happening. I don’t want my show responsible for some trailer-park love-in somewhere in Alabama which produces five awkward results. Having me to say their subtle Valentine’s messages on-air with “cute” pet names is not cute at all. It makes my show turn into the Ryan Seacrest Hour. When that happens, I’ll fold this show and deny it ever existed.

Yes, I do understand that artists eat and need to keep on going to make a living. Once in a while I get unsolicited messages from bands that have absolutely nothing to do with the music I play. Just pass “GO” and collect your $200. Just because I play “everything” doesn’t mean I will since there are specifics. Even worse, a Dave Matthews’ cover band somewhere in the middle of Long Island, that aspires to be something else they’ll never be and tries to ride (no, suck it like a leach) the wave of popularity by holding actual music instruments while being incapable of writing original material will never make the cut. On another note…

“Check us out! We’re a four-piece homegrown funk-soul-band from somewhere in New Jersey and we’ve been compared to 311 and Smashmouth…”

...and that is where I hit the delete button. I don’t like it when music comes to me, I like it when I come to music unless I ask for it. I don’t like to feel obligated in having to play your music or worse having it forced down my throat Linda Lovelace-style. I don’t want your obsolete already-done jam-funk music and double that if it’s from the late 90’s (because who here thinks the late 90’s was the worst time for new music ever?) I don’t ever want your low-resolution color-copy pixilated artwork with your homemade CD-R with paper decal. In fact, why am I still on MySpace? That was so 2006.

**********

It’s been a month since the start of my on-going show and my co-workers are getting very tiresome. The same questions over and over again and not once has anyone tuned in. Not that I don’t want them to tune in or even care if they listen, but what’s the point in wasting time if people who are interested in something don’t do it? That’s why I decided to no longer talk to them about my show. I’m only wasting my breath, time, and energy. You can’t declare to do something and not do it. That’s how people take points away from you.

And as always, the instant I declare that I will no longer bother in discussing my show anymore, another moron standing right next to me starts asking questions again. “What is your show called?” “What time is it on?” “What number is it?” Perhaps it is best not to have certain people listening in. Even better, it’s best not to converse with them.

#VMFX #writers on Tumblr #personal #LOL #WTF #Long Island #radio #music

[doomedandstoned]

The Bog Wizard Sees All!

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Review by Billy Goate

Album art by Al Seamer

Michigan's BOG WIZARD was introduced to us in last year's Doomed & Stoned in Detroit compilation when they shared "The Wizard in the Bog." The lyrics carry a similar sentiment to "The Troll" by Saint Vitus, though arguably the latter was a more sympathetic character than this:

In the bog, he plies Dark and twisted blackened sorcery

He shapes, he knows Never ending hatred for humanity

Their lies, death throes Neverending fuel for his treachery

Now following the EP, 'Campaign' (2018), which was the culmination of more than a decade of casual jam sessions, the Ludington trio of Ben Lombard (guitar, vox), Harlen Linke (drums, synth, vox), and Colby Lowman (bass) have battened down the hatches to bring us an ambitious 12-track album approximately an hour and five-minutes in length.

I suppose it is fair to say that 'From The Mire' (2020) does not behave like the typical album, but its episodic quality sure would make it an attractive soundtrack to an indie film.

They'd make one hell of a good pairing with Psychic Dose, too. Both are fascinated by the swamp as a setting for mythical lore, both have a similar lo-fi production epic, and both have some of the meanest growls and nastiest riffs in the entire marsh.

The record opens by sampling a preacher sharing his laundry list "dangers" that Dungeons and Dragons portends, undoubtedly from one of those scarey Christian video tapes that got passed around to concerned parents (mine included) in the '80s. "Is this dangerous? You decide."

Right on the heels of that statement the Bog Wizard comes stomping out of the muck and into your earspace in classic doom fashion, accented by sludgy southern riffing and vocal harmonies reminiscent of Brimstone Coven.

"Submission In Defiance" is a promising beginning and bleeds right into "Tarrasque" (a dragon-like creature from the D&D universe), which is presented with epic doom bravado. "City in the Mountain" follows in like manner and its forlorn quality gave me flashbacks of the late, great Rhode Island doom outfit Pilgrim (another band that incorporated fantasy RPG themes in their music).

Doomed & Stoned · Bog Wizard - From The Mire(2020)

Without these programmatic elements to guide me, my first listen got a little bogged down in the album's mid-section, particularly with some of the instrumentals (e.g. "Gnarled Cane," though that bass does eventually get down and dirty like we're used to hearing from Missoula's Swamp Ritual). Second listen had me better acclimated.

It's worth noting that when you hear clean singing alternating with much grittier strains on a song like "Shapeshifter," that's not two people, it's just one: Ben Lombard. I found his vocal performance pretty darned convincing on the whole. His range isn't operatic, but it can soar when he wants to and his "dark side" vox are achieve the tone and pitch that Lamb of God frontman Randy Blythe might reach if he could, you know, sing.

Overall, the album is a grower, with a good handful of songs that will grab you right from the get-go and others that will probably take a time or two to fully digest (like the grand finisher, "Swamp Golem"). Then again, you just might be in the mood to slow headbang all the way through.

Bog Wizard's From The Mire surfaces from the swamp waters of doom this Friday, July 3rd (pre-order here). Today, Doomed & Stoned is bringing you its world premiere.

Give ear...

From the Mire by Bog Wizard

A Listener's Guide To Bog Wizard

By Harlen Linke

The album was put together earlier this year, self recorded and produced in our drummers basement, where we usually practice. We sound-treated the space, dividing it off from the rest of the basement, placing the guitar cabs outside of the drum area, and recorded directly on bass, so we could get away with playing everything live together without much bleed between mics. We tend to have a fair amount of tempo changes and it would be a nightmare to try to record every part separately, our music is very go-with-the-flow.

We worked with Max Schoenlein of MAS Audio (who also does shows with us, doing lighting usually) who ran the board. We worked with him on our original EP as a two-piece a few years ago. Our bassist Colby used to own a recording studio, and I've had experience mixing music, as I've dabbled a bunch in the past on various projects and mixed/ mastered our EP, so collectively we had all the pieces to self produce this full length album.

We recorded the whole thing over the course of 4 weekends in January 2020, and Colby and I passed a few early mixes of one song back and forth for awhile before settling in on a rough template to apply to the rest of the album, doing a massive amount of iterating and adjusting over the next few months, finishing the process of mixing and mastering in May. It was a pretty great learning experience, and I think the end result turned out great for what was a pretty thrown together studio. We're very proud of it.

Our bassist joined in November of 2018, and we've been working on writing this album since then, in addition to learning some covers and doing live shows locally. Ben and I tend to split the writing between the two of us, with one of us coming up with a few cool riffs and concepts, and jamming on it to figure out where it takes us. We tend to improv jam a lot of our new ideas and record everything we do, going back and listening to what we did and picking out the good parts to apply to a more structured song that we refine over time.

Thematically, we have a focus on fantasy/Dungeons & Dragons, as well as spoofing off of the '80s Satanic Panic era, but role playing games have a pretty big influence on how we go about writing our lyrics as well. I'm credited in the liner notes as "DM" or Dungeon Master, which in D&D context is the person who runs the game and story that plays out, with the players interacting with it. And while I do usually handle running our games outside of the music, we also apply this dynamic to our lyrical writing process.

Often I'll lay out a rough idea or story we want to make our song about, and Ben and I will talk through where it heads, with me leading the narrative and Ben refining it, and eventually writing the lyrics to fit the idea. While not all of our songs are handled this way, the ones that are end up as very linear story based songs.

One example, the song "City in the Mountain" tells a tale of a visitor experiencing the wonder of a sprawling underground city, with the lyrics seeming to be from almost a tour guide describing the city to them as they enter. The song has this looming theme of misearned wealth and power accumulated in the city, culminating in the reveal of an ancient magical creature contained under it that is driving it's growth, and the sacrifice of the listener being the final step of their trip deeper into the city, to placate the creature.

Or "Submission in Defiance," which the first act of the song is about an adventurer setting out to confront a highly intelligent mind-controlling enemy, and their realization that the only way to get close is to allow this creature to take control of them, and the existential struggle that a decision like that requires. However, the second half of the song describes their new mental state after this happens, which is complete submission to the enemy, doing the entities rage-filled bidding as almost part of a hive mind, with an implied complete failure of their original intended goal.

Overall, our From the Mire takes heavy fantasy influence, a few songs being straight up retellings of D&D games we have played together in the past ("Shapeshifter" being the most notable example of that, which is actually a game that had a character my daughter ended up getting named after), but we do sprinkle in our fair share of social commentary and deeper thoughts about the world applied to the setting.

From the Mire by Bog Wizard

The Bog Wizard himself is a recurring character in the album, a crotchety old bastard of wizard, living in isolation in his swamp, who doesn't take kindly to trespassers. Our single "Swamp Golem" is a song about the conjuring of a massive hulking creature created from swamp muck (featured on the cover of the album and CD itself, drawn by Al Seamer) to enact revenge on a nearby village for that very sin. He's a very "get off my lawn" type, taken to the extreme.

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[redglassesgirl-maruma]

Live reaction/post to the new Drama CD

 I decided to listen to it and live-write in a post with whatever I’m thinking XD 

For the ones who want the general summary of this new CD, here’s marumafan post. You can get a good idea of everything that happens in it from the summary alone and skip this post if you’re not interested, there’s nothing new and I don’t have the japanese level to explain anything, I’m just doing this for entertainment purposes ^^

Aw, I missed the voice actors, they’re great as always <3 I understand like 20% or less of what I hear but it doesn’t matter haha.

That first reference they do is killing me, I strongly believe the “hot limit/revolution” thing Yuuri says about Wolfram’s costume is related to TM Revolution’s song Hot Limit, a video that was very sexy for his time and the costume the singer is wearing resembles the designs for this Halloween CD. Video here in youtube, I feel so old watching it again xD The dictionary Wolf’s using is making things worse but I love it, I hope they keep it as a running gag.

Anissina’s costume is super sexy, and now I see her voice in the CD is pretty sexy too. The whip and all, dominatrix style like Cherie. And I’m dying with Wolf crying and talking about Günter’s fate hahaha, so dramatic. He rolls back pretty quickly to “Sorry Günter, I’ll save myself” haha, same as previous CDs where he wouldn’t even sacrifice for Gwen. Hahaha they drop the CD name so casually, like “ah, here I have to say the title...” xD I love these funny details when they break the wall.

Oh man I couldn’t recognize Conrart’s voice at first, until he calls Gwen aniue I was wondering who was this. I had to go back here and listen to their scene again. Aw so cute when Conrart says daisukidayo to him, loved that. Specially because I always remember from the special The Maidmer Princess and I and the way Conrart thinks about Gwen there, so cold and distant, like they’re not even friends. I would like it so much if they maintain this development where they’re all close.

Ahhh, my Jozak xD I love to hear his voice, and he’s arriving with Mura. The “gaooo” Mura does is so cute, Gwen I feel you hahaha. The changes in Jozak voice are always amazing, the voice actor is so versatile, but Anissina in the first part also impressed me with her voice acting. Mura always breaking the 4th wall, that’s his thing . I’m sad I don’t understand some parts I was interested in detail from the summary haha, my second OTP being Jozak and Mura wants me to understand more moreeee.

Poor Gwen being whipped, but he seems to be enjoying it? XD so M, your Excellency. Jozak calling her Anissina-chan, he’s the only one that dares, hearing him is great.

Hahahhaa, the censored word Anissina is saying makes everyone loose their mind. And she keeps repeating and repeating, this part is hilarious. Excuse me, what did you say girl? XD

So, in this part in the summary she’s basically saying “pussy juice” and I just can’t when Yuuri ends up drinking the morning dew (aka the juice) and faints. Boy so gay he can’t stand anything related XDDDDDDD And he’ll end dreaming sad things, but also being married to a guy with an adopted daughter and enjoying his happy gay family hahaha. There’s so much to analyze about Yuuri here but it’s also very self explanatory.

Anissina goes from sexy queen to a lolicon voice in a split of a second, calling Yuuri-kun and all in a childish singing voice. Hhahaha, when Yuuri drinks the juice, Wolf screams “Yuuuuuuri” (Nooo, don’t go to the dark side of heterosexuality! xDDDDD Can’t help it).

So, now Anissina is just a chibi or something, her voice is 1000% loli. I applaud this woman with that range of voices and that control. We have the best seiyuus and I’m so glad. Everyone has been amazing so far, not just her, but I’m just impressed hearing Ani for so long this time.

Now the dream is happening. Gwen really sounds calm and happy, I’m so glad. I can’t say much about this part because I don’t understand much of what they’re saying, now Jozak is at his bar and all. Same as Apollo but hearing it makes me feel way less depressed than the written version. The Apollo ending made me so sad, so I don’t re-read it as other specials and parts of the novels. I think now Jozak is complaining no one comes to visit him and yeah, that’s sad. Yuuri is not having a good time, every time he steps in and out of some sort of room while seeing these dreams he’s like living a nightmare. Chibi Anissina is there to guide him trough the changes.

It’s Conrart part now. Well, it starts cheerful, then romantic and then they end things very badly. A roller coaster that I’m not a fan of, specially because I don’t like this ending for Conrart, I think he deserves better than “repenting” alone and nothing else. Like, let the man be happy for once. Yuuri’s even punching his clothes or something, and Conrart drops a sayonara there, so cold man so cold.

Now is Wolf time! Yuuri summarizes everyone’s situation to Wolf very quickly and they sound super casual with a romantic jazz music as OST xDDD Then the music turns serious and kind of epic when they speak about Conrart and also Shin Makoku, the decision to come to Earth, it’s quite nice. Wolfram’s always wonderful when he’s prince like. The wife/husband discussion again hahhaa, but so SO casual~ then they just talk about Greta with more slow music. So the topic about hey we’re newlyweds is very cute and super mega casual with no tsundere attitude at all.

They’re so married~ I can die happy now, this is enough for me specially because the dream is a about the actual future Yuuri shouldn’t have seen. It’s something that is actually true, and that’s sad because some characters endings could be better, but at the same time I’m so glad they’re fucking married, finally xDDDDD

And this ending just happens in two years, we can calculate thanks to Greta’s age, and I think Yuuri just said it to Anissina, that she’s 10 now and she was 12 in the dream/future. Now Mura calls by phone to wake him up, and Yuuri is sad about everything except Wolf and Greta. Now Yuuri must forget the spoilers xD Mura special powers/knowledge no one understand but are very convenient.

Yuuri wakes up, Murata says the prohibited word and the biiiip keeps being a great gag for me, with a 5 years old sense of humor. Jozak making Wolf calm down is great, let’s be zeeeeen. I think I understood Jozak said he likes Anissina because x and x reason. And now we go to another pairing, with Yuuri trying to remember the good part of the dream, but Wolf’s too excited and mad for his back and forth, some sort of hilarious discussion and misunderstanding I’m not getting XD

Something about Yuuri and Greta haha, and Wolf saying he’s not forgiving him. Nooo, the OST is the marriage song. Wolf’s voice when Yuuri actually explain they’re both dad and daddy, awn. The dictionary again haha, Wolfram keeps using it and making everything worse. Marriage fanfare again hah, but I don’t understand what’s happening here, there’s Jozak and Conrart commenting too. Then, something about Anissina torturing Gwen a lot aaaand... the end.

The rest of the CD is the freetalk with the seiyuus, and this is a challenge because even if I listened to it fully, I don’t get what they’re talking about. I’ll just leave this at a one time listening and go back to my favorite parts to listen again and again and practice my hearing skills xD

 So, I really enjoyed this CD. My way of listening to it has been messy, a little bit here and there over an enteire week when I had the time and wasn’t dead tired. Slowly trying to understand but replaying and going back and forth. I have to listen to it again just in one go without stops, but I’ll not do the live writing again, it’s just pointless, once is more than enough!

#kkm #kyou kara maou #kyo kara maoh #maruma