#bc sometimes i have quiet conversations with my sister so i don’t bother everyone

[reidgraygubler]

sunflowers, daisies, lilacs, dahlias (spencer reid/reader)

Title: sunflowers, daisies, lilacs, dahlias

Requested: yes, was a request someone sent to @imagining-in-the-margins​, but I took it of her hands :) (So i get this is sorta hard to do but i was wondering if you could write a spencer x nonbinary (gender-neutral pronouns) reader where reader isn’t out to the team yet but spencer finds out somehow and the reader is afraid he’ll reject them but instead he confesses his feelings and just starts info dumping about third genders in other cultures and the roots of binary america, etc. just like fluffy and accepting. once again, i get it if you don’t want to/can’t but that would be awesome)

Couple: spencer reid/non-binary!reader (they/them pronouns)

Category: fluff

Content Warning: swearing (if any), misgendering, usual criminal minds case work stuff, bi!spencer, lgbt+ history lesson, platonic cuddling (or is it?), kissing (not platonic), Doctor Who season 12 spoilers (weird, I know), afab!reader

Word Count: 4,110

Summary: reader comes out as non-binary to their best friend, Spencer, after they notice he changes the pronouns he uses to talk about them and after the team misgenders them.

A/N: pom (aka @imagining-in-the-margins​) posted this in her discord and said if someone had any ideas for this, we could have it. and i loved the request so i took it off her hands. im also non-binary and only out to a few friends, so this piece is dear to my heart. also, i wrote reader as afab, since that’s also me, but also the request says that reader isn’t out to the team yet, and i had to give reader a gender. so im sorry about that. that’s where the mis-gendering comes in. spencer’s nickname for reader is bumblebee when they’re friends, but once they start dating it’s honeybee… bc reader is…  enbee… thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

It was a new day at work. A new day, a new me… Kinda, not really. It’s still old me. I’m just trying to figure out the new me. I think that makes sense. It makes sense to me, so that’s all that matters, I think.

Maybe today was the day I came out to the team as Non-Binary. That’d probably help my feeling of garbage. Not even my own family knew about my little secret. So that’s been something I’ve seriously been thinking about, telling everyone that I was Non-binary and preferred they/them pronouns. 

I kept my head low as I stepped off the elevator and onto the floor of the BAU. The good news is, people weren’t rushing around like I was partly expecting them to be. The bad news is, when I got to my desk, there was a stack of files, waiting to be looked over. And the unfortunate part was, I wouldn’t get to get through half of them, because something told me there was a current case we had to go on. 

That something being Emily Prentiss standing outside her office, looking for everyone on the team. I looked up at her with a pout as she nodded towards the conference room. I looked back at the stack of files before grabbing my go bag and going up to the conference room.

Everyone was already there, waiting for me. Although, I was usually late, in a sensible fashion. So I quickly took my seat beside Spencer and remained quiet as Penelope and Emily told us about the case.

{***}{***}{***}

“We can go to the most recent victim’s house, interview the siblings,” Spencer spoke up as we both walked up to Emily. I looked up at him and nodded, silently agreeing that I could go with. It’s not like I had anything better to do anyways. Tara and Luke were at the newest crime scene. David and Matt were with the ME. And Emily was about to go interrogate the suspect. So, going with Spencer would give me something to do. 

“She’ll have to conduct the interview,” Emily looked up from the file she was reading and right at me. I looked down, away from anyone who was possibly looking at me. Getting mis-gendered was something I was used to, by now anyways. But, for some reason, this time it really bothered me. Emily doesn’t know, it’s fine. It’s mostly my fault anyways. And, I guess it bothered Spencer too, because the expression on his face shifted from normal to… annoyed.

“Of course, they can do the interview. They’re the most like the victim,” Spencer looked at Emily before looking back at me. I looked at him and smiled softly. It was more of a nervous smile than anything else. A change, and correction, in pronoun… I hadn’t exactly told anyone that I preferred different pronouns, I had honestly gotten used to the unfortunate misgendering.

“I can do it, I’m perfectly capable of it,” I smiled at Spencer then over at Emily. So much for a change.

“Then that’s settled, she’ll do it,” Emily looked up at Spencer and smiled before allowing us to leave. I dropped my shoulders as I glanced at Spencer, who was glaring daggers at Emily. He wasn’t usually one to glare at his superiors, especially Emily. 

“We should get going, don’t you think,” I whispered as I looked up at Spencer. He finally looked down at me and nodded. “And, you can do the interview, if you want. I get that I’m a lot like the victim’s sister. But, you do interviews better than me,” I laughed and shook my head. 

“We can do it together. That’s the only way you can get better at interviewing,” he returned the laughter before following beside me. 

“That’s true,” I smiled at him. 

{***}{***}{***}

“I know we always do this, but thanks for letting me stay the night after hard cases,” I looked over at Spencer as he got in his car. I readjusted the grip on my bag as I looked away from Spencer.

“Of course, sleeping over at someone’s house after a case makes it easier to relax, especially after hard cases,” he looked over at me with a smile, “We can order Chinese food if you want,”  he added as he looked back at the road.  

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I nodded with a smile. Sometime between solving the last case, and the jet landing I gained the courage to bring up what happened before the interview. You know, the whole they/them thing… With Spencer. I still don’t know how he knew to change my pronouns. 

He was talking about something, it sounded like an episode of Doctor Who.  I sort of felt bad about that too, because I was hardly listening. I was one of the only few people who actually watched Doctor Who with him, and thoroughly enjoyed his commentary. 

“And then the Doctor, who, have I mentioned is a woman now, is in fact the Timeless Child. Did you know that?” He glanced at me as he went on. Again, I felt bad because I wasn’t totally paying attention. “Of course you knew that, we watched the episode together,” he continued to ramble about the episode.

“Spencer,” I spoke, my voice just loud enough for him to hear.

“Mhm, what?” he glanced over at me for a quick second. I looked at him, my mouth opening and closing a few times before actually saying what I was thinking. Which was...

“How did you know?” I asked, my voice a bit of a whisper. I was a little bit scared. How did he know? Sure, Spencer knows everything. But I’m not exactly… Out to the team, let alone Spencer. I don’t think I told him. 

“How did I know what, Bumblebee?” Spencer glanced over at me for a brief second. I sighed deeply as I looked over at him. 

“You used 'they'… When you and Emily were talking about me and the interrogation… You used 'they' and 'them' when you talked about me… How’d you know? I haven’t told anyone…” I whispered as I looked over at him. He stayed silent for a long time. I wasn’t too sure what he was thinking, but it made me very nervous. 

“I saw you at the library with a book about gender/sexuality history and science… And I saw you looking at a non-binary/gender non-conforming forum the other day. So, I connected the dots,” Spencer looked over at me as he pulled to a stop at the red light. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “I didn’t mean to off-”

“You didn’t offend me, Spence,” I whispered and shook my head before dropping my gaze from him. My fingers fiddled with the seatbelt across my lap. I could feel my heart going a million miles an hour, and no matter how hard I tried to calm it… nothing worked. “I just… I haven’t used the words out loud before… I’ve haven't told anyone… I mean, I’ve just figured it out myself,” I shrugged again. I glanced at him as he started going again. “I’ve always known I didn’t really identify as… Ya know… And I guess just recently I finally put a name to it,” I sighed as I pressed my head into the headrest. Spencer glanced at me, again. He was obviously trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he was very concerned about our conversation.

“You’ve never said it out loud? Or told anyone?” He asked, clarifying what I had just said. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“Yeah, I just…” I stopped, letting my words trail off. My thoughts ran wild. If I just said that I was non-binary, it’d make my life easier, I’d be so much happier. So, why haven’t I just come out and said it? “So, say it now. It’s just me,” Spencer whispered as he looked over at me for the briefest second. My heart stopped with his words, and suddenly my mind was quiet. “No one else to hear."

“What?” I spoke, my voice a breathless whisper. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Only if you want to. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Spencer’s voice was soft as he spoke. I looked over at him, feeling my stomach do an anxious flip.

“What if it changes the way you think about me?” I asked, feeling my throat tighten up around the words. Out of all of the friends that I had, Spencer was the only one I didn’t want to lose. In a weird way, I felt like he understood me. Like we were both the outcasts of the team, for our different reasons. 

“Why would that change the way I think of you?” Spencer looked up at me and I shrugged. I stared at him, feeling my face twist up in confusion. Even his face had some confusion on it. 

“I don’t know. People usually…” My words trailed off again, not knowing what I was exactly wanting to say to him. “You’re not mad at me? Or hate me or anything…? Right…?” I asked, my voice wavering slightly in fear. Fear of what? I was scared he would resent me. It wouldn’t have been the first, or last, time someone resented me. So, why would I expect him to not resent me? 

“Why would I hate you? Because you’re finally more comfortable with yourself? Or want to be more comfortable with yourself?” Spencer looked at me as he furrowed his brows. I looked down at my lap and shrugged. “You still haven’t said it, but we’re talking about it like you did,” he pointed out. I dropped my shoulders as I looked over at him. 

“You really want me to say it,” I laughed dryly. Spencer smiled at me and shrugged.

“Only if you want to. Just think about how much better you’ll feel,” he offered. I looked down at my lap and sighed.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” I looked back up at him and smiled, “I’m non-binary.” I could feel a certain weight get lifted off my shoulders as I looked at him. Spencer also had a genuine smile on his lips as he looked at me. Like, he also seemed happy with my words.

 “There’s nothing wrong with that, you know,” Spencer smiled at me as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. I glanced at him before laughing. “I’m being serious,” he chuckled lightly.

“I sure hope there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re the one who encouraged me to say it!” I laughed as I unbuckled. Spencer returned the laughter before looking over at me.

“Then, why do you care what the team thinks?” Spencer asked as he searched for his apartment keys. “Their opinion shouldn’t matter. It’s your life,” he shrugged and looked up at me once he finally found his keys.  

“Everyone on the team is all my friends and all my family…” I whispered as I looked over at him, “I don’t know what everyone will think,” I knew he wanted me to say it out loud to the team, but I was avoiding it. It’s not that I’m not ready. I just don’t want him to think differently of me.

“When has anyone on the team thought bad of you, Bumblebee?” Spencer asked again before parking the car. I swallowed roughly and looked back down at my lap. Of course, when I actually cut my hair short the first time… I had gotten a horrible haircut and everyone commented on it. “No one’s going to think anything bad about you if you come out,” he reassured. I sighed deeply as I looked towards the ground.

“Yeah, but I don’t care about them Spencer,” I rolled my eyes. I rolled my eyes because even though I do care what the team thinks, I think I care more about what Spencer thinks about me. But, I didn’t want to tell him that.

“Then, why were you so worried about it,” Spencer looked over at me before getting out of the car. I stayed in the car for a moment, silent with my thoughts. He’s got a point though. Why was I so worried about it? Of course, the team was my family. I don’t think I could risk losing the team for being… well, me. Maybe Spencer was right. Who am I kidding? Spencer’s always right. About everything. Maybe I should just tell the team… I’d feel a lot better.

I stayed quiet as we walked into the apartment building. In fact, we were both silent. Which was a rarity in our friendship; one of us was always talking, and it was always Spencer. He always had something to say. I wondered what he was thinking about in that head of his. Until I didn’t have to wonder...

“Native American people have a third gender, generally called two-spirit, where the person takes on roles more or less attributed to the opposite sex or both sexes,” Spencer suddenly started an info dump. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I read this exact thing in a book not too long ago. But, it meant so much to me that he wanted to tell me this.

“When europeans came along, they came with the strict gender binary rooted in Puritism, which put heavy emphasis on community and the importance of procreational (heterosexual) marriage within,” he paused to glance at me, probably to make sure I was still listening. And I was. There would be nothing to stop me from listening to him. 

 “Once the colonizers became a country after the american revolution, they wanted to get as far away from britain as possible. Part of this came with separating themselves from the effeminate man of Britain, whom they saw as feminine and dainty. As a result, they made the American Man, who is basically Teddy Roosevelt in that he is rugged, bold, strong, brutish, daring, and able to survive on the frontier and provide for his family,” he continued as he unlocked the door to his apartment. It was nice to be in a familiar place that felt like home, and felt safe.

“In comparison, the woman was supposed to be the American Housewife who stayed at home, cooked the meals, and raised the children. Thus, the American binary,” Spencer continued his info dump, clearly not knowing he was talking outloud. 

I just stared at Spencer with the utmost adoration in my eyes and face. A small smile grew on my lips as he continued to ramble and info dump about stuff I was newly introduced to. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him sooner, I’m sure he would have been a big help. “That’s very interesting, Spencer,” I smiled at him and cocked my head to my shoulder. Spencer looked at me, a slight panicked look in his eye. 

“I’m… I’m sorry, was I rambling?” He stopped talking and looked at me after a moment of him talking. I shook my head, silently telling him he wasn’t rambling, even though he totally was. At this point we had parted ways, but still held the conversation between rooms, and across his apartment, him being in the kitchen while I stayed in the living room.

“Anyways… I could continue going on about it all. How WW2 influenced the LGBT community and how Nuclear Families messed it all up too,” he spoke before stepping out of the kitchen and leading me to his bedroom. 

“I’m sorry, what?” I looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows. I was honestly surprised with that tiny tidbit of information. “Go on,” I raised a brow as I looked at him. I got comfortable on the bed while I waited for him.

“Yeah! The advent of urban areas provided the perfect place for sexuality and gender identity expression,” he continued talking as he stepped into the bathroom to change, and even continued while in the bathroom, “Many single people suddenly began moving from rural farms with family and religion to urban apartments on their own or with someone of the same identity/gender/sex,” he finally concluded before stepping out of the bathroom. I looked at him and cocked my head to my shoulder. I didn’t have anything to say after he rambled on, so we both stayed silent as we got comfortable in bed. 

“How do you know so much about gender identity and the LGBT community?” I asked, turning to face him more. Spencer looked at me with a nervous smile before looking out to the blanket spread out over us. 

“Oh, I, uh… I did a lot of research when I saw you in the library… And, after I saw you on the forum,” Spencer looked at me and nodded. I could sense that he was lying, and he knew that I could sense it. So, I raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure this is the exact reason,” I smiled before shifting down the bed to get comfortable, “No other reason?” I looked up at him. 

“Nope, no other reason,” he looked down at his book before shaking his head. I could tell there was definitely something, and I could tell he wanted to tell me. But, I won’t force it out of him, just like how he didn’t force it out of me.

“Well, if you have something to tell me… I won’t force it outta you,” I looked over at him with a smile. Spencer glanced at me before grabbing for a book on his nightstand. I shifted down the bed and looked at my phone. “No one’s going to think anything bad about you,” I glanced at him again, repeating the exact things he said to me early in the evening. Spencer glared at me before looking back in his book.

“You’re the worst,” 

“You’re worse than me, Spence,” I laughed as I looked at my phone. I grinned as I browsed random social media. “It’s okay, I get it,” I shrugged before falling silent. 

“I suppose it’s only fair,” he spoke out loud after a moment of silence. I looked up at him, watching as he shifted in his seat. He closed his book before looking down at me, “I guess I’ve been in the same boat as you for a while… Not knowing what anyone would think if I came out, fearing that they’d hate me or judge me,”

“Spencer, you’re the most loved person on the team. No one would ever hate you or judge you,” I sat up before turning to look at him. Spencer looked up at me and nodded. I’m glad we could both agree on that. If anyone hated Spencer Reid, I can guarantee that they’d have a whole fleet of FBI agents on their ass. “You can trust me with anything, Spencer,” I whispered before reaching out for his hands. He looked down at where our hands sat before cocking his head to the side.

“I already trust you more than anyone on the team,” he smiled and chuckled with a nod, “I’ve never told anyone except for one person,” he whispered as he looked up at me.

“That’s okay,” I shrugged as I looked at him. 

“I’m bisexual,” he whispered, his eyes dropping away from my. I stared at him, taking a deep breath. A small smile tugged on the corner of my lips as a worried look grew on Spencer’s. 

“Was that so bad?” I whispered as I fell forward to give him a hug. Spencer laughed as he embraced me. “It felt good, didn’t it?” I backed away from him slightly. Spencer smiled and nodded.

“Like a weight off my shoulders,” he laughed as he looked back at me, “Thanks for that,”

“No, thank you, Spencer, I really needed you and your wonderful words of wisdom… I’ve been struggling with my sexuality a lot, ever since I was a teen really, and you just being there helped,” I smiled at him as I got comfortable in the bed. With that, we fell into a comfortable silence. Sleep wouldn’t find its way to us anytime soon. I think we were both still reeling on the adrenaline of the day. 

But then, I started thinking about our conversation in the car. When I had mentioned I was worried about him (or anyone else) thinking differently of me. I mean, that’s been a fear of mine for years. Someone can go from loving you to the ends of the earth to wanting to be on the furthest end of the earth just to be away from you. So, my fear was totally valid. I didn’t want to lose my friendship with Spencer, or anyone on the team.  

I quickly glanced at Spencer, noting that he was still quietly reading his book. He seemed at total peace with, well, everything. How did he do it? How did he get out of his head after a rough case, and after such a serious conversation? There were too many things I wanted to know, and too many questions I wanted to ask… Why not just ask them?

So, I did...

“Earlier, when you said me being non-binary wouldn’t change the way you think of me… How do…” I paused for a minute, trying to figure my next set of words. Because I could say something wrong, and it’d be the end of everything. “What do you think of me?” I looked up at him as I spoke. He smiled softly and nodded. It was probably a mistake, asking him what his thoughts were on me. I could only think of the worst. Well, I shouldn’t say the worst possible. Worst case scenario was that he was faking it all and he actually hated me. Well, don’t be too hard on yourself.  

“Well, you know,” Spencer shrugged as he shifted closer to me. I looked up at him before leaning away from him. 

“No, I don’t think I do know,” I stared at him, furrowing my eyebrows. He looked at me, dropping his book to his lap and slumping his shoulders slightly. 

“I love you… Okay? I love you whether you’re they/them, she/her, he/him, I don’t care, as long as you’re happy. If you’re happy, then I’m happy, because that’s all that matters to me. Your happiness,” he rambled for a minute. I just stared at him, feeling my shoulders relax as he spoke. My heart rate raised as he continued to talk about how he really felt about me, and I wished he said something sooner… “Hearing Emily misgendering you, and knowing what was going through your head… Sucked… It sucked watching! You deserve the best things…” He continued on, not caring that he was still rambling.

“Spencer,” I whispered, resting a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention. 

“And it’s ridiculous how long I’ve been in love with you too! I should have said something sooner but I didn’t! I don-”

“Spencer!” I shouted this time. It wasn’t an angry shout, though. No, the giggles in my voice and joyful smile on my lips told a different story. And that seemed to get his attention, considering he stopped talking and looked at me. His eyes scanned my face, landing on the joyous smile on my lips. 

“Yes?” He asked softly. I nearly fell into his body, and face, as I let my excitement get the better of me as I tried to kiss him. Spencer laughed as he lifted his hands to my shoulders to make sure I didn’t crash into him.

“I love you too,” I smiled as I looked up at his face. His eyes landed back on my face, his smile becoming soft as he looked at me. The expression his face held showed me that I was now his everything. And, it was a new feeling. I would never get used to a feeling so… grand. But, it was a feeling that I loved, and knew it’d be around for a long time. “What do you think the team will say?” I asked, looking at Spencer as he cupped my face in his hands. 

“About what, Honeybee?” he retorted, his voice a soft whisper. 

“About us, you and me being, well, you and me,” I tried to bite back my smile but failed when Spencer smiled back.

“Who cares what they think… I just care about you,” he smiled before pulling me back in for another kiss. 

“I think I like that answer." 

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ , @thebluetint​

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[hurricanery]

hurricane

A/N: shoutout to everyone that sent me song recs I'm feeling hella inspired and I’m gonna keep them in my inbox to come back to for future one shots! <3 credit to the anon that sent me this song...i wrote this so fast in my head and now it’s here! This is pretty amelia-centric but there’s a hint of amelink in here too, so hope u enjoy!

TW: implied drug use

also this is for @wordsxstars bc chloe ur my angst buddy forever !!

_______

I’m the violence in the pouring rain

I’m a hurricane

Come and fade me

Come and fade me

I’m a hurricane

_______

It rained the day she was born. Like really rained. It was the kind of torrential downpour that turned the whole sky a threateningly dark mix of indigo and grey.

Her Mother hadn’t planned for it. Hadn’t considered the impact that the weather would play on her child’s entrance into the world.

And she’d felt a lighthearted resentment towards this child, for deciding to push her way out at such an inconvenient time.

Because they’d sat in traffic.

Full of panic.

In the middle of a city-wide weather emergency.

“Leave it to baby number five,” her Mother had breathed through a contraction, hands gripping tightly to the cushions of the passenger seat. “To be born….during….a hurricane.”

“This hasn’t been classified as a hurricane yet, Carolyn-”

The glare she’d given her husband was enough to shut him up as she exhaled through the pressure of her contractions.

And she’d gripped the edges of the seat even tighter.

//

The same way Amelia does now, 18 years later.

Her fingers grip the edges of the seat, and her fingernails scratch over the fabric lightly, as she stares out the passenger side window.

It’s raining out. Not a downpour or anything. But steadily enough to trigger that feeling. That feeling that’s uncertain and nostalgic at the same time. Two practically opposite notions that crash together like the thunder that’s threatening the sky.

She hears Derek clear his throat, and her gaze snaps to his just in time.

Just in time for her to witness her brother’s eyes dart from her tightly-wound fingers to the road ahead as he drives.

She quickly moves her hands, on instinct. Burying them in her lap instead. There’s an overly-positive inflection to her brother’s tone as he speaks out into the space between them.

“I was nervous, too,” he laughs a bit under his breath, like he’s recalling a specific memory. “When I went away to school.”

“I’m not nervous.”

Disbelief flashes quickly across his face, but then he replaces it with something more soft. Like he’s deciding to give his younger sister the benefit of the doubt. Like he’s actually letting her have this one.

“Well, then….I’m impressed.”

Amelia rolls her eyes. And then she shivers involuntarily.

There’s something about being in an air-conditioned car, protected from the heat of the storm outside. It causes chills to rise through her body, despite it being the end of August. She turns in her seat, reaching towards the back of the car, to where all of her belongings are packed. Pulling out a crocheted blanket, she twists forward in her seat again and covers her bare legs with it.

She stares at the road ahead, finding patterns in the wet pavement, before she tentatively opens the conversation back up.

“Was Mom with you?” She utters the question, and she doesn’t let herself look in Derek’s direction. “Was Mom there to drop you off at college?”

It’s not until after she voices the question, that she realizes. Realizes that’s the thing that’s potentially been bothering her.

Derek sighs. And his hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter.

“She was.”

Amelia nods.

This answer doesn’t surprise her. And it doesn’t hurt either. It’s mostly just numb acceptance at this point.

She finally turns to him, and she almost doesn’t recognize herself in her next question.

“It’s because I look like him, right?”

It’s the first time she’s comprehended it out loud. The weight of it hits her like a ton of bricks. The fact that it all comes back to that.

“Who?”

Amelia gives him an incredulous stare, her mouth forming in a tight line. It amplifies her refusal to feed into Derek’s decided lack of wit.

Because he knows what she’s asking.

And Derek knows that Amelia knows that.

Amelia refuses to blink. She lets her eyes become unfocused as she stubbornly holds her gaze.

Until Derek eventually nods, giving up.

“Amelia….” He sighs. “You look like me.” He turns briefly in her direction, like he’s hoping her stare will have faltered slightly at his explanation so far. But it hasn’t. She’s relentless sometimes.

He exhales a bit shakily before he continues, eyes shifting back to the road.

“You look like me….and you look like Dad, too.”

Amelia finally lets herself blink at that. Relief floods her dry eyes and her mind, too.

She turns back to the window, focusing instead on the world around them. Her eyes land on two particular raindrops against the window. And she smiles slightly as she watches them drop down towards the ledge. Like it’s a race to see which raindrop finishes first. Which raindrop will dip first into the crack of the window pane, where it’ll disappear forever.

//

It’s a game she played as a child, too.

She loved to watch the raindrops race against the plastic walls of her playhouse. In the quiet corner of her vast backyard.

It had rained on the day of her 6th birthday party. And Amelia had almost been glad for that.

Her Mother had talked it up the entire week.

“Saturday is Amy’s birthday!”

“Saturday is all about Amy!”

But it felt false to Amelia, even as a 6-year-old.

The forced element of the celebration. And the way her Mother had demanded her siblings participate, too.

But the party was cancelled. And Amelia instead found herself in her favorite place to be during a rainstorm. Surrounded by the yellow walls of her plastic playhouse.

Derek had found her that day. A smile playing at his lips as he ducked his wet head of hair into the window of her little hideaway.

“Whatcha thinkin about, Amy?”

//

“What are you thinking about?”

Amelia quickly shakes from her daze, abandoning the slight pride she’d just felt at her choice of raindrop winning the race against the car window.

She turns to Derek, and she even smiles a bit in his direction.

“I’m thinking about….starting over.”

“Starting over?!” Derek gives her one of his classic smiles. There’s an element of surprise to it, that lands in his eyes. But ultimately it’s laced with excitement, through and through. “Starting over is good.”

Amelia beams at him. It starts off small but she can feel the way it grows on her face. It’s the kind of grin that makes her cheeks dimple.

Derek shakes his head, laughing under his breath as he faces the road again.

“You know….no one wants you to start completely over, Amy.”

She raises her eyebrows at this, her grin transforming into more of a doubtful smirk at her brother’s words.

“Well I, for one, don’t want you to change.”

Amelia exhales a slight chuckle.

“I’ll try not to get rid of the good parts,” she mutters.

Derek is focused on the road in front of them, so all Amelia can really decipher, is his side profile. But she can see it. The hint of glassiness in his grey-blue orbs.

Silence falls between them, and Amelia feels a tightness form within her own throat. She attempts to clear it, tries to alleviate what the moment is turning out to be. But then Derek starts speaking again in a low tone, and the tightness spreads itself further.

“Dad would be so proud of you, you know.”

Amelia smiles tightly.

She only half believes that statement.

Because truthfully, she has no idea how she got here. How she managed to make it this far anyway. That realization hits her hard and fast and suddenly she doesn’t care that her eyes are stinging the same way Derek’s were a moment ago.

“I wish I remembered him better,” she admits, and her voice is notably thin.

Derek turns to her, his eyes filled with something Amelia can’t quite place.

“I feel like….” She continues, ignoring the way her voice wavers. “My idea of him comes from the pictures I’ve seen? If that makes sense? And I don’t have the actual memories anymore….I don’t….I wish I remembered what he was really like, you know? His voice, his mannerisms, everything-”

“I know what you mean.”

They exit the freeway, the car slowing at a stoplight as they enter the college town.

“You’re so like him in so many ways, Amelia.” Derek says it in a whispered tone, as they turn onto the main road. Like the comprehension is overwhelming to even him. “So….just like you said….don’t get rid of the good parts, okay?”

Amelia lets herself smile as she turns away from him, eyes scanning the surroundings of the town that will be her new home. The rain has died down significantly, and Amelia questions whether that’s an accurate observation, or if it’s just that they’re driving at a slower speed now.

“Okay,” she eventually responds.

//

“Are you okay?”

The question had come from Derek.

“Jesus Christ, you scared me,” Amelia had practically gasped upon slipping through the front door. She thought she’d been inconspicuous.

Derek stared at her expectantly.

“I’m fine,” she muttered, but she couldn’t stop her teeth from chattering.

“It’s pouring out. Did you walk?” There’d been criticism in his voice.

“You’d be more upset if I said I drove, right?”

“Amy.”

“Derek.”

They’d been at a standoff. In the middle of the entryway. Both of them seemingly unphased by the mix of mud and water that tracked all over their Mother’s favorite area rug.

Derek sighed. And Amelia stared at the floor. Unable to make eye contact, too aware that her eyes were hinted red and full of haze.

“Why didn’t you call me for a ride?”

“I didn’t know you’d still be here.” Her reply sounded bitter. But maybe it had just been the tightness in her jaw, the pressure from fighting off the wet and the cold.

There was a moment of stunned silence.

“You missed Dad’s birthday dinner.” Derek’s tone had been accusatory again.

“Dad missed it, too.”

“Amelia-”

She’d cut Derek off with a bizarrely edged laugh.

Their Dad’s birthday dinner. They’d celebrate every year as a family. They’d sit down and have dinner together. And Amelia ultimately despised it. Mostly because they’d started grouping it together with her own birthday celebration. Her birthday followed a week after their Dad’s. And it just served as another reminder. Another reason for displaced resentment.

Amelia bit down on her laugh, stunned. She’d be turning 16 the following week.

“Amelia.” He said it again, this time more cautionary.

She finally looked at him. And she could see genuine concern in his expression.

“Are you okay?” He asked for a second time.

All Amelia could do was nod.

“Are you on your way out?” She whispered the question.

And then it was Derek’s turn to nod.

“I just wanted to say goodbye before I took back off to school,” he explained. “And I wanted to tell you happy birthday.”

Amelia smirked coldly at him, and finally started moving towards the stairs.

“Bye, Derek.”

//

2 years later and they’ve yet to improve this part.

It’s a rushed goodbye. Like it usually is for them. They don’t do goodbyes very well. Maybe that had something to do with shared past experiences.

Derek helps her set up her dorm room and when there’s nothing left to do, a knowing shift occurs in the atmosphere.

He pulls his hands out of his pockets, and forces a smile on his face. And when he pulls her into a tight hug, it takes Amelia a moment to reciprocate the gesture.

But Derek just squeezes her tighter until she does.

“You’re going to love it here, Amy,” he mumbles, before pulling away.

And Amelia just nods. Not able to find her words.

Because they’re bad at goodbyes. Which Derek knows. So he lets her off the hook, backs out of the small room with one last glance in her direction.

And Amelia watches him go.

//

Amelia doesn’t love it here, right away.

She tries to. She really does.

She sits in the shared common areas and convinces herself that maybe she’ll step up and talk to someone today.

It’s strange. She’s an outgoing person. She could be the life of the party when she really wanted to. But, she sits now, textbooks open in front of her, glancing around the library at fellow students. And she feels worlds beyond them. She questions to herself how she can even feel years beyond people her own age.

And that’s the self-inquiry that ruins her plan. She gets way too inside her own head and it hinders any chance she has at trying today.

Instead she gets up, shoving her books into her bag and walking purposefully to the exit.

It’s when she reaches her dorm, that the rain starts. She can smell it first. The distinct way the air changes when it’s about to rain. It feels humid and thick and her skin starts to feel sticky before the cold front lightly passes over her, and it provides relief.

The sky gets dark and it starts to sprinkle, just as she climbs the steps of her building.

As she enters her room, a dark cloud of restlessness storms her mind. Because she doesn’t know what her next move is. What her plan is for the rest of the day.

She looks around the small room, eyes catching on a piece of paper that’s been slipped under her door.

She picks it up, and when she reads the words on the flyer, she wants to laugh to herself. Because it simply lists an address for a party later tonight. And she’s laughing because, is this really how college works?

She decides there’s no way she’s going to the party.

//

After 2 hours of staring at the ugly off-white paneling of her dorm room ceiling, Amelia sits up in bed.

Because there’s a hint of it. A fleeting thought. A question that flashes through her mind almost too quickly to even divulge in.

But it’s there. The question of ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’

It’s enough to make her get out of bed. Which is confusing, to say the least. Because she hadn’t anticipated spending her evening this way. But now she’s pulling open her dresser drawers, trying to find something to wear. And she’s glancing at herself in the mirror, reaching for her makeup bag at the same time.

The last thing she remembers thinking, when she exits her dorm room is, what’s the worst that could happen?

//

The worst that could happen, happens almost right away.

It takes place in the form of ‘jungle juice.’

“It’s called jungle juice!”

Amelia stares blankly at the frat boy in front of her. She’s standing way too close to the bouncing speakers and the music is way too loud.

“What?!”

“Jungle juice!” He yells again, “Basically everyone brings a fifth of something and it all gets poured in there! It’s disgusting, but it makes for a dangerous concoction! Want me to grab you a cup?”

Amelia shakes her head. She doesn’t know what she was thinking.

Well, that’s not entirely true. She was thinking that she had to at least try. Give a shot at relating to people her age.

She surveys the boy in front of her. He’s attractive. Jet black hair, green eyes and even a slightly alternative vibe to him. It surprises Amelia, considering she’s in a frat house. He seems unexpected. And maybe her type. She’d probably go for him, if she wasn’t currently so inside her own head about it.

She feels her nails dig lightly into the palms of her hands as she drops her arms to the side, and she immediately catches herself. She exhales, trying to relax.

“I’ll grab something else, probably!” she yells back to the boy patiently standing in front of her.

Patiently, she thinks. Because she’s already a step ahead of him, labeling him, and she knows she’s someone that requires patience in events like these.

She shifts her eyes away from him, instead looking to the tiny window in the corner of the crowded room. It’s raining outside. Drops of condensation race against the glass in a familiar motion.

A feeling swells in her chest that’s hard to ignore. There’s a strong desire to escape her current environment and it practically makes her want to crawl out of her skin.

“I’m not supposed to be here!” She shouts over the music, turning back to the conversation.

“Huh?!”

“It’s raining!” She’s an octave louder this time.

“Yeah! It’s good we’re inside, right?!”

Amelia shakes her head, stepping away. Ignoring the confusion on the boy’s face, she turns on her heels, pushing through the crowd until she can find an exit. When she finally makes it out onto the less crowded porch, she lets out a huge exhale.

She keeps waking. The sun is setting, and the impending storm makes the sky a glorious shade of violet.

The rain pelts her skin as she walks hastily through the campus and although it provides relief, there’s also a sense of something else. It’s almost yearning. Or maybe homesickness. But it doesn’t make sense, because she’s never craved home before.

She thinks she’s crying. She can’t really tell. It’s hard to separate the rain from any potential saltiness that threatens her cheeks. The only thing that gives her away is her labored breathing.

She’s overwhelmed. And for once in her life she wishes Derek were here. He’d know the right thing to say.

Her thoughts are interrupted when a figure passes her on her left. It’s sudden. She doesn’t anticipate it and she doesn’t hear anyone approach, mostly because her thoughts are so loud and there’s thunder starting to rumble through the sky.

“Fuck,” she gasps, hand clutching her chest as the stranger passes her.

He’s running, but he slows his jog after she voices her alarm.

He turns around, taking in Amelia’s startled expression.

“Oh, sorry!” His own surprised guise shifts quickly to one of concern, though.

“Are you okay?” He asks, voice raised to compensate for the rain as he calls out to her.

Amelia nods.

“You just scared me, is all,” she shrugs.

He looks her up and down, but Amelia doesn’t even feel scrutinized by it.

He steps towards her. And Amelia finds her voice.

“Out for a run?” She’s surprised by her own curiosity.

He shakes his head as he approaches. “I was walking back from the library,” he points to the sky, in an obvious gesture. “And then it started raining….and I started running….”

Amelia feels a smile break across her face, the dimpled kind. Because there’s something about the way he looks up at the sky while he explains himself, that amuses her.

He turns to her, and he has a wide grin on his face as he catches his breath from running. Not wide in the way that he’s smiling hugely, or anything. But Amelia can tell that his typical smile just happens to stretch that far. It makes her own smile further.

“You heading to north hall?”

Amelia nods.

“I live there, too!” He exclaims. “Food sucks but we have the biggest closets out of all the dorms on the entire campus.”

Amelia raises her eyebrows at this.

“Am I….bothering you?” His grin quickly fades. “God, I didn’t mean to just start….walking with you. Sorry, shit. You must think I’m some sort of-”

“You can walk with me,” she bites down on another smile. Because it’s the most she’s smiled in weeks and it feels foreign to her. “It’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” she peeks sideways at him. “As long as we don’t have to start running,” she adds with a laugh.

His smile returns. And they keep waking. The rain starts to die down a bit, but Amelia questions whether she’s imagined that. She can see the rain. And maybe she can hear it, too. But she can’t really feel it. Her focus has shifted.

“I’m Amelia, by the way.”

“Amelia?” He repeats her name, and there’s a spark of interest in his inflection, like he’s really doing his best to store that information.

She nods.

They reach north hall. The rain has come to a complete halt, and Amelia thinks it would almost feel sunny, if the sun hadn’t already set.

“It’s nice to meet you, Amelia. I’m Link.”

_______

#amelia shepherd #derek shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelink #i feel like. this might have potential for a pt 2 but WHO KNOWS #amelink fanfic #amelinkfic #amelia x link #amelia x derek #greys anatomy fanfic #greys anatomy fic #grey's anatomy fanfic #grey's anatomy fic #my writing #amelinkfanfiction #grey’s anatomy #grey’s abc

[kinkymagnus]

thoughts on alec? since this is mainly a magnus blog i guess i'm curious.

kfjlkfgjd thanks for resending sorry tumblr’s a bitch ily

eh i feel like generally i talk mostly about magnus bc Every Other Blog (not literally obviously but like, in general) talks about Only Alec just like…..24/7

so while i like him fine, he’s like, mostly Magnus’s Love Interest on my blog lghjflgkhjfgh but honestly just generally while i do like him i honestly don’t find him that….interesting, individually, i guess? i mean he’s not quite boring, but he’s not a character i really relate to

so the reason i don’t really write alec-centric stuff is like. 1. i just don’t find him as interesting (although i’ve had a few ideas, they’ll likely never be published thanks to…) 2. Spite

aka the alec stans suck. the Alec Stans™ to be clear, the ones who suck, not everyone who likes alec. but like, yeah

anyway let’s not just talk salt and me being petty, despite alec being not my fave i can afford to answer one (1) ask without my entire blog crumbling down and revealing i’ve been an alec stan this whole time without me even knowing it

ok so alec headcanons i guess

1. alec was a chatty kid. not what you’d think, right? but then like, he was taking care of izzy, bc she’s his baby sister and Protective, and jace wasn’t really the type to listen to him. like, ever. alec would suddenly realize jace hadn’t been listening the whole time pretty much every time he tried to have a conversation with him or talk about things he was interested in, even when he listened when jace talked about his latest crush or whatever he was interested in. alec started abruptly going quiet before his sentence was finished, and jace didn’t seem to notice or was just like oh good you’re finally done talking, here’s what i was gonna say. eventually alec gives up. he still talks to izzy but she’s so little it’s a lot slower paced and he usually pays more attention to her than what he wants to say bc Baby Sister. by the time izzy’s old enough to like, properly, hold a conversation (she is also pretty chatty) alec’s already gone a lot quieter. by the time we see him, he basically doesn’t initiate conversation on things he’s interested in that aren’t work-related. he does still sometimes talk to izzy, but it’s hard to get the words out and get everything sounding right, so he gets annoyed with himself. it doesn’t come as easy anymore.

and not to show my magnus stan roots but magnus is kind of similar, albeit way less clear cut, he tends to ramble and talk a lot about his special interests only to shut himself up when he realizes he’s definitely boring whoever he’s talking to (he isn’t, necessarily, but after enough times being told to shut up when you get excited you believe everyone wants you to shut up.) and then he was trying to keep up the whole classy unaffected stylish “def not an adorkable disaster bi nerd, i am dangerous deadly unaffected lothario man who has never even heard of star trek or whatever” facade, and rambling about whatever interested him didn’t really fit that. so he retreated more into himself, too. he did have his friends to talk to, but catarina is so busy and he doesn’t want to bother her and raphael doesn’t want to hear his foolish old dad ramble on, does he, and ragnor–he’d always put up with magnus’s babble, and listened, but magnus felt like he was boring him and then ragnor was–well.

anyway so to united these, then, they met each other. and it takes a while, but they get comfortable with each other. magnus goes on a long ramble about a potion he’s been trying to get just right and then cuts himself off, embarrassed, and apologizes for probably boring alec, and alec’s like what? no, that was really interesting, i was listening, can you explain the thing with the mandrake root? and magnus is like…oh.. (also side note: magnus is incredibly cute when rambling about things he’s interested in, he waves his hands a lot and his eyes are all excited and warm and he’s so lively, and clearly passionate, that it’s engaging and pulls you in. like a really good professor. and sometimes he starts talking about something way above most people’s heads without realizing how Smart he is, but if you ask him to clarify he’s like, totally non-condescending and explains it in creative and understandable way????? sorry im in love with adhd magnus thanks to someone anyway)

and then vice versa, alec slowly feels more comfortable talking about things that interest him, like a book he’s been reading and how it’s so fucking stupid the heroine went for the “blonde bad boy” when he’s such a dick to her, or whatever, like it starts as an angry rant about something but before he can cut himself off he realizes magnus is listening. like, actually listening. and like, if it’s appropriate, magnus will ask questions, engage in what alec’s talking about, and alec finds himself getting better at putting to words what he means and magnus is never mean about it, always patient and understanding

2. as a kid alec read romance novels. cheesy shitty fun romance novels. especially the ones that are like, written by women (or better, queer people, but that’s later) and aren’t weird? you know what i mean? and he loved them. romance was something young alec dreamed of a lot, even if he tried to ignore how he preferred tall, dark, and handsome to the main character, or the kind man the heroine fell in love with to the heroine herself. he hid trashy romance novels like most teen boys his age (including jace) hid porn magazines or whatever. he eventually maybe found some queer lit, but he didn’t dare to bring those back to the institute, instead choosing to go to the library the few times he had free time to sneak out (aka when he wasn’t working, sleeping, training, or watching izzy and jaces’ backs when they snuck out to clubs and shit.

also: 3. also i stand by the fact that alec wasn’t in denial about being gay. he wasn’t repressed, he knew exactly what he wanted and who he was, he just didn’t think it was possible for him to be with a man and be happy. 

4. alec isn’t a sweet innocent baby boy!!!! he’s seen porn, he knows how sex works, he’s masturbated, and honestly i know the show said otherwise but i find it hard to believe he never once fooled around even a little bit. just a little bit. no actual dating? not hard to believe at all. even being a “virgin” despite how outdated and terrible the concept is, not unbelievable. plenty of “normal” people reach college-age without ever having had sex, let alone shadowhunters raised to be demon-fighting soldiers. but like. look. he has the Energy. alec….Alec Fucks. also just something about the whole like, his siblings are always sneaking off to clubs and he follows them to watch their backs (is this canon or just common fanon? i honestly don’t remember) just screams to me hey, he may or may not have made out with an adventurous seelie or a mundane with eyes. or maybe a blowjob or a handjob, who knows. i’m JUST SAYING. i know this isn’t canon but i don’t care. alec lightwood has seen a dick

5. alec is ridiculously protective of people he loves. especially family (both in the sense of literal family like izzy, and family in the sense of “making your own family” like magnus) like he’d kill for them, he’d die for them, he’d live forever for them,

6. alec can and will become immortal for magnus. and not just literally only for magnus, for himself as well–like he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life being a tool for the clave, he can work for better relations between downworlders and shadowhunters, and like accords that aren’t shitty, and he can be more than just another soldier or even head of the institute, he can be more and have time to actually spend time on himself, like it doesn’t have to be training-work-protect his siblings-sleep-training, and then one day he gets married and has kids and dies. he can actually experience the world, do things he enjoys, spend time with his husband, and most of all, he can spend the rest of his life with magnus bane, the love of his life, his husband, someone he loves so much. he can make sure magnus’s heart doesn’t get broken again by falling in love only to lose him. they get their happy ending, you know???? we stan

7. alec would be a great dad i dont know what to tell you he just would be 

8. one of the first kinks alec realized he really had like. with magnus. was office sex. yes im a slut what about it

this is bc he was minding his own business, doing paperwork at his desk, and magnus maybe sent a flirty text and alec was like mm i want to fuck him right now. and then he was staring at his desk thinking mm i want to bend him over this desk, sweep all this paper off the desk and rip off his clothes, take off his panties last and then lick his pussy until he’s begging for me to fuck him then press his chest down against the desk and fuck him until he screams. maybe i could tie his wrists behind his back with a tie. like i’m his boss? oh my god magnus in a secretary outfit. shit. he gets no work done that day. it’s just a rabbit hole of one thought to another until he’s like. sitting there hard and unable to focus on his work bc the mental image of magnus bent over in a skirt over his desk keeps playing his mind and he doesn’t want to do this paperwork he’d much rather be doing his husband.

9. alec loves making out with magnus on the couch like they’re just chilling and watching a movie and cuddling and alec loves to pull magnus into his arms and just make out. like literally not even “this ends in sex and gets hot and heavy” literally just magnus in his arms. and they kiss a lot. it’s soft and warm and relaxing tbh

10. magnus!!! and alec!!! cuddling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they both love it!!!!!! they’re both lowkey touch-starved!!!!!!

11. alec’s a dom top and that’s that my dudes

#long post #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #malec #trans magnus bane #trans magnus smut #alec tag #:/

[phonaesthemes]

a list of asks

@padawanyugi tagged me in this, but Tumblr decided to eat any notification that I got tagged, so I’m glad I saw it on my dash because I like filling these things out. Thanks for tagging me! I may have typed A Lot.

Favorites: What types of books do you enjoy? Tell about what you’ve read recently (Or maybe about a book you hated recently!)I like spec-fic and sci-fi, although less “hard” science fiction, and I also enjoy fantasy. I read a lot of YA even though I’m in my 30s just because it seems easy to find a story I want to read and I’m not usually in the mood for dense prose.

I’ve been rereading the Wheel of Time series since it’s getting an Amazon TV show; it was my first non-LOTR fantasy series and I love it to death, warts and all, although I love joking about the weak points with other people who’ve read it. I think the last other thing I read was A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, which was a queer YA historical fiction, and it was a lot of fun. I wish I’d had access to all these queer stories when I was an actual teenager, but better late than never.

What types of music do you like to listen to? Share five songs from your music library. I really do like a bit of everything, although I gravitate towards certain genres more often depending on the season or time of day, so I’m going to cheat and pick 5 per season. Summer for me is lots of peppy pop (pride playlists!), punk and rock and punk-adjacent stuff, just upbeat stuff in general. -Weekender, by The Royal They -Break My Heart, by Dua Lipa -Toutes les femmes savent danser, by Loud -Ruby Soho, by Rancid -Womanarchist, by Bad Cop, Bad Cop

In the fall, my inner goth kid craves darkwave, goth rock, dramatic folk, roots rock, and also anything that reminds me of Halloween. -Iuka, by the Secret Sisters -Bela Lugosi’s Dead, by Bauhaus -How’s It Gonna End, by Tom Waits -Under the Milky Way, by The Church -I Put a Spell on You, by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins I could go on about the Christmas music I like at length (Boney M’s Christmas album slaps, ngl) but I’ll just skip that and say that I listen to more classical and piano pieces in the winter. I’m terrible at remembering names, so artists only: -Ludovico Einaudi -Chopin -Debussy -Saint-Saëns -Dvořák And in spring I’m usually just depressed af and listen to whatever. -FML, by K.Flay -Weird Part of the Night, by Louis Cole -Juodaan Viinaa, by Korpiklaani -P.O.H.U.I., by Carla’s Dreams -Marryuna, by Baker Boy

Do you have a show or movie that you can just put on anytime and it’s your comfort? Definitely Star Trek. I’ve rewatched the various iterations (except TOS) so many times. Also Mean Girls and Bring It On, idk why.

Do you have a favorite dessert? Tiramisu or creme brulée! Or macarons. I don’t eat dessert really unless I’m at a restaurant.

Do you have a favorite cold drink? Sparkling water, hands down.

Do you have a favorite game? The hours I have put into the SIms in my lifetime is probably shameful, although I haven’t played in a while. Don’t Starve is another contender for hours played, but I am also really fond everything by Amanita Design

Do you have a favorite part of your self care/beauty/health routine? I haven’t been doing it much lately since I’ve been dealing with some uncertain health issues with my joints (actually have a rheumatologist appointment later today), but savasana after a long yoga workout is borderline ecstasy.

Do you have a favorite type of take-out food? Indian for sure.

What’s your favorite type of exercise/physical activity? I have a love-hate relationship with running. I don’t actually love it but I love how I feel after. I really enjoy yoga. I love playing in the water at the beach, bodyboarding and swimming.

Pick between: (you choose the context)

Cook or bake? (I love cooking A Lot)

Space or ocean? (Hard to pick, but I grew up by the ocean and it’s 100% my happy place)

Chocolate or vanilla?

City or suburb or rural? (I grew up in an isolated rural village and I miss the quiet and the slower pace of life, but I do not miss the lack of amenities and opportunities, or the smalltown gossip. I also don’t drive bc of epilepsy, so I’m fucked as far as transport in rural settings.)

Past or future?

Shower in the morning or evening?

Mac/Apple or PC/Android? (Linux in general!)

Sing or dance?  (I don’t have an amazing voice but I can carry a tune without it being painful, and I love singing along with songs.)

Get up early or sleep in? (I actually love sleeping in but with two kids, early morning is my only time to myself, so I wake up before 6 most days AGGH.)

Shoes, socks, or bare feet? (Hate socks. I’m barefoot at home all year round.)

Marker, crayon, or pencil? Pen!

Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate? (Coffee in the morning, tea later on.)

Random questions:

Have you ever had any pets? (Had dogs and a cat as a kid, and as an adult I’ve had betta fish and cats, and I have a cat currently.)

What is your academic background/job field? I did my undergrad in linguistics, and I am currently a stay-at-home dad lol. I do freelance editing and transcription on the side. I don’t think I’ll ever work in my field bc I really don’t have the energy to go to grad school.

What’s something random that you’re into (even if you aren’t good at it)? I signed up for a Cape Breton step dancing class in university and I loved it.

Are you good at putting away your clean laundry right away? It depends on the day, but generally yes. Mine and everyone else’s. When I lived alone? Absolutely not.

What’s one of your pet peeves? Someone trying to have a conversation with me when they have the radio or TV on. I can’t follow what you’re saying if someone else is speaking! I hate having that stuff on as background noise in general.

What’s something you’re pretty good at? I’m a great cook.

What’s the most recent nice thing you bought for yourself? A new conditioner ig? lol

Can you sew? I can mend a small tear or sew on a button, but it’s been years since I did more than that.

What’s a chore you hate (or a chore you enjoy)? I hate vacuuming so much. So much. Maybe if I had a better vaccuum cleaner I wouldn’t mind it, but I just feel like I’m fighting with the stupid thing, getting caught up on its own cords, caught on furniture, can’t quiiiite reach a spot... HATE IT. I like shoveling snow sometimes, though.

Tell us a fun fact about yourself. I am 20 years older than my youngest sibling, and five minutes younger than my “oldest” sibling.

Never have I ever... Gone fishing, even though I’m from a fishing community.

What extracurriculars did/do you do in school? In high school, I played trumpet in band until the band got dissolved from lack of funding. I played soccer one year, was in a play another year. We had an art club for like a semester that I was in. In university the first time round, I did step dancing and intramural hide and seek  Second time around, I was in the linguistics club to help with assignments. (We were very much encouraged to work in pairs or groups for a lot of different classes. The only thing was that you did need to list your group members on the assignment so the prof knew who you worked with. My first morphology class in particular, we had a whole homework club where a huge portion of the class got together to work through assignments and help each other understand, and the prof would quite often show up. </tangent>

Deeper questions:

How’s your quarantine/last few months been? The cabin fever was really bad before the weather warmed up. I struggle with seasonal depression every spring, and it’s gotten much worse since we moved to Edmonton because of how long the winters are. (Snow from September to May/June? Fucccck.) It’s frankly horrifying to look at what’s going on in the US, but even though we have far fewer cases here, I’m really anxious that we’ll see another wave soon. Otherwise, I think I’ve adjusted. Home-schooling, hand-sanitizing, social distancing, masks...All feels kind of normal now, which should maybe concern me.

What do you think of human nature/society/etc.? I am like the least philosophical person you will meet so I don’t think I really have many thoughts.

What’s something you are insecure about? Writing my L2 if a native speaker is gonna read it.

What do you think is the meaning of life/reason that humans exist in the universe? I don’t think there is one, and that doesn’t bother me.

Do you think you’re better (whatever that means to you) than you used to be? Definitely. My adolescence and early adulthood was rough. I was dealing with a lot of trauma, untreated bipolar disorder, and I self-harmed for a very long time. I could not imagine making it to 30, let alone being stable and happy. I actively avoided thinking about the future because it made me spiral. But I was lucky enough to get help, consistent help from a doctor I clicked with, and it made a world of difference. I think younger me would be disappointed at how mundane my life is, but I’m thrilled to be boring because boring means no life-upending mood episodes. I have a happy partnership and two delightful kids and I couldn’t ask for more.

What are your thoughts on religion? I’m not religious and my own experience being raised in the Catholic church was frankly traumatic, but I know that it’s a source of comfort and community for many others and I think that’s awesome for them.

Do you think that there are aliens out there? I think so, although I think that we may not even know what other kinds of life to look for and may not recognize it even if we find it.

What’s something that’s been on your mind recently? We’re moving cross-country in less than a month (driving, no less, nearly 5000 km) and I still have so much to do to get ready aosjdoajdoasijdoaijsd

#personal #long post #in which i ramble about myself a great deal #@padawanyugi

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Birds ~ Stan Uris (part 1)

A/n: My first song prompt! Heard this and immediately thought of my bird boy. I tried to resist writing it bc I’ve already done a little series fr Stan but I couldn’t help it. Hope you enjoy! Also, y’all are aged to 17/18.

Anon: Pidge

Word Count (without lyrics): 3036

Song: “Birds” by Thomas Sanders ft. Terence Williams

MASTERLIST

I don't wanna drive a fancy car today; I don't wanna ride in a red corvette. I don't wanna jog my Saturday away, but I don't wanna go home yet.

Shoulders clashed together and two pairs of eyes met, wide. “I’m so sorry,” one of the people gushed before pausing, a small smile on their face as their head tilted. “Eddie Kaspbrak?”

Eddie found a smile moving onto his face. “That’s my name,” he confirmed. “And you’re fine, you didn’t kill me.” They both laughed. “What’s your name.”

“Y/n,” was the answer. “We went to middle school together but... you probably don’t remember me.

Eddie felt guilty. “I... do not.”

The giggle that came out of the new face was cute and Eddie found himself liking this person. There was a certain energy. Something that drew him in and made him feel so comfortable and warm. “It’s okay. I was a really quiet, shy, awkward kid. I kinda sat in a corner and hid behind books from... everyone.” An embarrassed expression passed over their face. “I’m working on being more social. Making friends. Try to make high school better than Middle school.”

Eddie scoffed. “Heard it’s worse.”

Y/n smirked. “Challenge accepted.”

This human being was intriguing. Eddie knew his friends would like them. “Hey, want to come meet my friends? We’re just a bunch of Losers but it’s somewhere to start.”

Y/n beamed. “I would LOVE to.”

After that, Y/n became a Loser. The others all felt the same draw as Edddie had, and they were welcomed with open arms.

Stan thought they were fine in a passive way. He seemed to be the only one not super excited about his new friend that they had... Y/n was madly taken with him though. They thought he was so good looking and funny, more prone to laughing at his banter with his boys and his nonaggressive insults than to take offense to them, as if they already knew that Stan’s way of showing affection was through eye rolls and snarky comments.

Freshman year was filled with making memories and adjusting to the shift. Y/n kept their promise in accepting Eddie’s challenge when it came to high school being lame. For every bad thing that happened Y/n set a good thing. A hang out during he weekend or a game night in the middle of the week. Sharing jokes at lunch or bringing cool books and exchanging the worst pick up lines with Richie, making everyone laugh. That was the year went from stranger to friend, telling stories about their life and lineage since their family had been kind of wild. The Losers could tell some of them were fake, but Y/n never insisted they were real and told them for the pure purpose or entertainment. If anyone ever asked or pushed it, they would immediately tell if the story was real or not. Y/n lied a lot less than the average person. Probably because they were terrible at it unless they were telling a story.

Sophomore year was when Y/n stopped making it about their life and turned stories simply into that- stories. Fantastical and amazing and full of magic or horror or drama. They were more entertaining than ever, and Bill often would write down an outline of each story, giving the notes to Y/n and insisting they should write it. Y/n would claim the the same thing: “You write it, Billiam. I couldn’t sit down and organized my chaotic thoughts on paper. I change it based on crowd reaction and there’s so many plot holes.. you’d do better.” So Bill would write them. And, in return, he gave Y/n paper copies of each of the short stories he’d strengthened based off of her idea. Y/n collected them in folders and when Summer came, they left pages for covers and made an amateur book- Short Stories by Bill Denbrough and Y/n L/n. Those stories were told again and again until the other Losers could recite them, but without fault Ben and Eddie would ask for another story during each long stretch of nothing or when they couldn’t sleep at sleepovers.

Junior year was for Richie and Y/n’s insane duo. With Eddie and Y/n’s joking around and brother/sister bond and Bill and Y/n’s bond over writing and how Ben and Mike could rant about anything and Y/n would listen with endless, genuine interest, it was amazing to see Y/n not only be creative, attentive, caring, and genuine, but also be able to keep up with Richie. Y/n laughed at his jokes, as earnest to listen to him as they listened to Mike or Eddie. The two kept the mood light, continuing their constant exchange of jokes and pick up lines. Between Bill’s creative mind and Richie’s unwavering ability to always have something to say, the two boys and Y/n became really close as Y/n tied inside jokes into quick stories, letting Richie jump in with voice impersonations and dorky comments and the most wacky, random suggestions to throw the story for an insane loop. Bill, as before, took notes and wrote the stories at home in his free time, and a new volume was made- “Crazy Stories by Trashmouth, Sunny, and Big Bill.” That’s what they called Y/n. Sunny, because of their cheery disposition and the way they brought a new sense of life and a simultaneously bright and also chill atmosphere. A safe sort of feeling that was so warm and comfortable and felt exactly like home.

When Richie and Bill realized they had feelings for each other, it was Y/n who got them together. And then they got Ben and Mike together too. The summer after junior year, Y/n sat back and smirked as they successfully paired up their friends and watched love bloom.

One day, Eddie plopped next to Y/n. “You’re good at that.” Y/n looked over with their arms crossed and a questioning eyebrow risen. “Match making. Getting people together.” He chuckled. “Think you could help me out?”

Y/n chuckled. “I’ll definitely keep my eye out, Eddie Spaghetti.” Y/n rarely called Eddie that other than in joking, lighthearted moments like these. They had picked it up from Richie. “You deserve to be happy.” They winked and Eddie nodded, agreeing silently.

Two weeks later, Y/n pointed out a guy sitting in the park with a book on his lap. “The one in the purple shirt?” Eddie asked doubtfully.

Y/n shot him a look. “Yes, Eddie. Trust me. He works in the pharmacy, in the back. Sorting things and restocking shelves. He’s super introverted so it might take a second, but you two are a match made in heaven. Swear it on my reputation.”

Like magic, a few months later Eddie ran to his friends a few days before senior year began, ranting about the fantastic date he’d had the night before with his boyfriend and the kids they had and on and on- only Y/n stuck around to listen, laughing and beaming. “YOU’RE MAGICAL!” Eddie ended dramatically.

“I told you!” Y/n insisted.

Eddie looked around at the Losers. Stan and Bill were talking as Richie played with Bill’s fingers. Mike and Ben, not one for super affection while with their friends, were sitting close together and listening to the conversation about what they expected senior year to be like and what they had planned after, every once in a while giving input.

Suddenly he turned to Y/n. “What about you?”

Y/n seemed confused. “What ABOUT me?”

“Oh come on Sunny,” Eddie prompted. Y/n’s nose scrunched up at the nickname. They knew that Y/n wasn’t ALWAYS happy. No one was. They knew that Y/n actually got into a lot of arguments with their parents and had to deal with being the less favorite child compared to their younger sister who was perfect and pretty and for some reason everything Y/n wasn’t to their parents. That’s why Y/n was so accepting and attentive and caring- because they didn’t want anyone to feel alone or less than as they had. But the nickname had stuck more in appreciation for how hard Y/n worked to be the best friend they could be despite it all.

Still, sometimes it bothered Y/n the same was ‘Eddie Spaghetti’ bothered Eddie. They still used the nicknames though.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You have to like someone. Let me help set you up with someone!”

Y/n shrugged, suddenly not as into the conversation. Eddie was unsure what he’d said and why it had upset Y/n, but he promptly stopped talking. Y/n sighed, running a hand through their hair in habit. “There’s no one interested in me,” they settled.

Later, Eddie would talk about the odd interaction with Ben and the two would team up to figure out who Y/n liked, because Ben said that based on what they said, there WAS someone.

“Come ON, Y/n!” Eddie insisted.

Finally they broke. “Oh my gosh, it’s Stan!” Both boys stared at Y/n with shock. “I’ve tried everything I could think of, but no matter what I do every time I try and get especially close to him he just seems annoyed with me more than anything. Like how he’s annoyed with Richie but worse.” Ben and Eddie shared a startled look. That was bad. “I gave up. He won’t ever like me, I get it.” Their voice grew quiet. “But it won’t change that when he smiles my stomach twists and when he laughs my insides warm up. It doesn’t change that I wonder if his hair is as soft as it looks or think about holding his hand and marking him laugh or...” they shrugged, glaring into their lap. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t bring him to me and when I try to go to him, he gets annoyed.”

There was a pause before Ben scooted close to his friend, placing his hand on their shoulder. “We have one year left, and then we’re done with high school. You’ve been into him since freshman year?” Y/n nodded. “That’s three years, Y/n. Three years.” Eddie and Y/n both gulped, but Ben smiled. “You might be THE matchmaker, but I think you should go for it again. Try a different tactic. Don’t give up or stop trying. Stan deserves someone who’s as loyal and persistent as you. And you never know, maybe you’ll find a hole in that wall of his and make his life better just as we know you do for everyone.”

Smiling, Y/n thought about it for a second. A small smile grew on their face and they nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”

Ben and Eddie cheered, causing Y/n to laugh.

...but saying they would do it would be a easier than doing it. Succeeding would be even harder. But, Y/n was trying it seemed. Again.

Big sigh.

Today is not the day to jump out of a plane. I don't wanna parasail or play roulette. I don't wanna risk it all or go insane, but I don't wanna go home yet.

The couples in the Loser’s Club set up a group date as a last ditch hurrah before summer ended, leaving Stan and Y/n with nothing to do with their friends. Y/n took their chance, approaching Stan as the group broke up for the day. “Hey.”

Stan looked over and smiled a little, nodding. “Hello.” The small, slightly friendly, casual upturn of the corner of his lips was all Y/n could ever get from Stan and it was frustrating when the one person she wanted to see smile the most was all the only person they couldn’t get to really smile.

“So everyone’s going on that group date tomorrow,” Y/n began and Stan looked at then sideways, not wanting to partake in any such activities with his friend just because Y/n couldn’t be fine on their own. “Maybe we could hang out tomorrow? Not with the other Losers on the date, but just like... I don’t know, anything.”

Stan had planned to go birdwatching the next day so the idea of not going the one day he was sure absolutely no one would bother him was disappointing. But he was working on being more of a people person, so though hesitant, he managed a, “What did you have in mind?”

Y/n help hope rise inside of them. “We could go to a movie.”

Stan’s nose scrunched. “It’s supposed to be a really good day tomorrow, I don’t want to lock myself indoors for too long. Plus I’ve seen all the movies out that I’m interested in already.”

Touching their bottom lip, Y/n thought. “So then no arcade either.” Stan shook his head. “We could go to the Quarry,” they offered next.

That didn’t seem to please him either. “It’s not as fun without the whole gang,” he pointed out. And Y/n had to agree, he had a point.

“We could ride bikes. Like, race or just ride.” Even Y/n knew that was a weak idea. “Or go in a hike. Or have a picnic! Oh that would be so fun!”

A hike and picnic actually sounded like a great idea. Stan could see them walking, quietly their footsteps to see birds while walking, and then continuing to do so as they ate, making the smallest talk about buds and nature and other odds and ends things that popped into his head.

But even though he could see it, he knew it wasn’t realistic. No one was into bird watching- even the other Losers thought it was dorky. Richie teased him about it all the time. Y/n was too loud and impatient anyway and would probably scare all of the birds away. They’d want to tell stories or have long, constant conversation. Stan had always been annoyed with Y/n. The way they seemed to bond so easily with everyone but him. They were too loud and hyperactive- Stan was quiet. They could never get along like Y/n did with the others. For that reason alone Stan said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He didn’t know why he had such a wanting to keep Y/n away but he did. So whatever. He had his birds anyway.

Y/n deflated, completely out of ideas. They walked in silence for quite some time. House passed. Y/n’s turn passed, but they continued with Stan, trying to come up with something. Anything. They made a promise to Eddie and Ben to do their best, so no matter what they would.

After a few more weak ideas passed through their mind, though, Y/n slowly realized that they had been right- Stan would never go for them. They couldn’t even get him to hang out!

The pair finally reached Stan’s house and Stan turned to Y/n, an eyebrow raised in annoyance. “You coming inside with me too?”

Y/n stared at Stan for a really long time, eyebrows pushed together and hands on their hip. Now THEY were the annoyed one and it took Stan off guard. Y/n’s eyes were actually really pretty and the simmering irritation and swirling thoughts made this intense look in their eyes that was dark and alluring. They were... kinda cute actually.

Stan hated when his brain did this. Notice things about Y/n. Notice how good looking and easy to get along with they were. He hated how he was secretly so drawn to Y/n. He’d become antisocial and with all his friends pairing up, his favorite past time was just to block out the whole world and look at birds and pretend he wasn’t himself. Just a drifting cloud, watching and observing and taking notes. It was freeing, the quiet. It let him relax and be himself. It had gotten to the point that anytime he was around people he just felt... on edge. Like he was irritated simply by other people’s presence. So he avoided people. There was a kind of content that he couldn’t enjoy with people around and he didn’t want to let that go.

Except Y/n kinda made him want to. Made him want to think of a different kind of life with the one person he was sure was the polar opposite of the person he needed in his life that way.

Nothing too dramatic. Going on dates. Holding hands. Mindlessly playing with fingers and hair like Bill or leaning their shoulders together as one of them read like Ben and Mike. Someone to make you smile and make memories to bring smiles and conjure for lonely moments. Someone to kiss, maybe, if that was as good as he secretly wondered it was. Someone to BE with. He knew he was expected to find someone, eventually, but... he had time right? And no way in the world could Y/n be that person anyway!

It was a mantra he’d been repeating to himself since the end of sophomore year when Y/n had leaned over and kissed Stan’s cheek to congratulate him for passing his final exam. The little bubbles and heartbeat trips had added up to a picture Stan didn’t like in that moment, blaring a truth he had settled to simply ignore until they all went away. Until Y/n went away. But the feelings and the person who caused them still stayed. And, in moments like these, it was hard to keep that truth buried as deep down as he usually had them. It was hard to not admit it even for a split second just to himself...

Y/n was really good looking. Funny, nice, positive, caring. Thoughtful. Gentle. They were dedicated and hard working and fun and their teasing was exactly what made him go. They way they flirted seemed to appeal just to him.

He... he...

“Stan?” Y/n called. Stan blinked, humming as he was knocked from this thoughts. He realized he was glaring more deeply than he had been before, frustrated with himself. Y/n was frowning, probably think he was glaring at whatever they had said. “I said, if you hate all of my ideas, what do you do for fun?”

Stan’s heart stopped dead in his chest. Birdwatching. Birdwatching is what he did for fun.

Fuck.

#stan uris #stanley uris #2017 #IT #Wyatt oleff #sort of #actually #more hesse eisenberg #because aged up and shit #but whatever #I had funnier tage but I saved the post on the srojg blog #so this is what you get now #sorry #please read this and cry with me #fluff #angst #i’m so dxcited for thus #and it’ll be sooooooooo fluffy I promiss

[shatteredlovers]

BABE ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’m gonna fight u

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? u2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? u... and my nj peeps at the end of the semester4. Are you easy to get along with? ye i think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? u do lol6. What kind of people are you attracted to? u 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes (:8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? i’m wondering how my little brothers are making out in college!!9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? wendy, lexie, or dom I’m not sure11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “she’s just bein safe!!”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Rivers and Roads” by The Head and the Heart, “Feels like Summer” by Childish Gambino, “Fallingwater” by Maggie Rogers, “Peach Scone” by Hobo Johnson, and I can’t think of another rn but I’m listening to “17″ by Youth Lagoon.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yeah15. What good thing happened this summer? I got to spend it with u making memories16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hell yeah (;17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes!!20. Do you like your neighbors? i don’t know them /:21. What are you bad habits? i’m messy tbh22. Where would you like to travel? oh god everywhere, but i’d really like to meet my cousins in Scotland23. Do you have trust issues? I did but I feel good now24. Favorite part of your daily routine? putting my feet up at the end of the day to eat and watch New Girl or Big Mouth25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? maybe my teddies mostly bc they hurt my back lol26. What do you do when you wake up? i hit snooze about 6 times27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nah i’m chill28. Who are you most comfortable around? wendy29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? all but one30. Do you ever want to get married? yes i do31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? rihanna and harry styles are prob my top33. Spell your name with your chin. sd jk,hg34. Do you play sports? What sports? i don’t anymore lol35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? that was my entire childhood-adolescence 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, they don't bother me rly38. Describe your dream girl/guy? u wendy!!!!39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like thrift stores, h&m, target, honestly wherever40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m gonna be a music therapist41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m probably either observing, spaced out, sleepy, or fuming.43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? there’s stuff i gotta do46. What are you paranoid about? figuring out internship stuff coming in the next year47. Have you ever been high? once48. Have you ever been drunk? plenty49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray51. Ever wished you were someone else? when i was like 12/13 i did a lot52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was a little more organized53. Favourite makeup brand? thATS HARD54. Favourite store? barnes and noble55. Favourite blog? urs56. Favourite color? dark green57. Favourite food? eggplant parmesan 58. Last thing you ate? a lifesaver gummy that my client’s sister gave me!59. First thing you ate this morning? baby carrots60. Ever won a competition? For what? idk honestly lol i’ve won singing things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? i’m falling right now.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was taken advantage of so it kind of blew65. Are you hungry right now? very66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i like you all equally!!!!67. Facebook or Twitter? neither68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? i have quite a few71. Craving something? What? u wendy i want to snug72. What colour are your towels? turquoise72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes but i usually hug wendy or my pillow74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 1, I got rid of everything but a sloth that my friend got me when i got into my car accident75. Favourite animal? dogs and owls76. What colour is your underwear? i’m not wearing any lol77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate all the way78. Favourite ice cream flavor? chocolate fudge brownie ben and jerrys

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? gray-blue

80. What colour pants? gray81. Favourite tv show? i love the office, criminal minds, and new girl82. Favourite movie? When Harry Met Sally or Dead Poets Society83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? original84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? idk they’re different types of funny lol85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? squirt87. First person you talked to today? lexie88. Last person you talked to today? my supervisor89. Name a person you hate? i don’t really hate anyone, i just distance myself from people that are toxic to my wellbeing.90. Name a person you love? I love you, Wendy.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? nope!92. In a fight with someone? nope!93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 pairs maybe94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many (i.e. not enough)95. Last movie you watched? Scarface96. Favourite actress? eh97. Favourite actor? eh98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? I HAVE A BUNNY HERE IN AZ AND IN JERSEY I HAVE TWO DOGS AND A FISH AT MY PARENTS100. How are you feeling? p good 101. Do you type fast?decently fast if i don't think about it lol102. Do you regret anything from your past? not really103. Can you spell well? yes my grandpa made me spell all the time as a kid104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes they're my fave106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? my session summaries and activity write-up for tomorrow109. Is something irritating you right now? i slammed my foot getting out of the car and idk if i super fucked something up bc its hurts rly bad110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah111. Do you have trust issues? i did but i’m ok now112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? probably wendy113. What was your childhood nickname? M&M114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah115. Do you play the Wii? i have before lol116. Are you listening to music right now? yes “let’s talk about feelings” by joywave117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes118. Do you like Chinese food? YES119. Favourite book? idk i rly like classics120. Are you afraid of the dark? partially121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? N O 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no i suck124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no but you can click w someone125. Do you believe in true love? sure126. Are you currently bored? no127. What makes you happy? you, my friends, my family, animals, music128. Would you change your name? thought about changing it to my middle name129. What your zodiac sign? libra130. Do you like subway? eh jersey mikes is better131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say thanks but i love wendy132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i think i already answered this133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? no i lose focus easily135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk lol136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed and often locked137. How tall are you? 5′2138. Curly or Straight hair? i have straight hair but i love curly hair139. Brunette or Blonde? i love brunette hair140. Summer or Winter? summer in jersey, winter in AZ141. Night or Day? night142. Favourite month? October143. Are you a vegetarian? not a chance144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? DARK CHOCOLATE145. Tea or Coffee? i like both146. Was today a good day? yeah it was my session went rly well w my client147. Mars or Snickers? snickers all the way148. What’s your favourite quote? “If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow there is hope for me” - @tylerknott149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i don’t have a book anywhere near me unfortunately lol

[whisper-of-a-screech]

Hi hello yes did someone say ~modern naruto au shit~ No. No one did. Here you are anyway go wild my friends Sakura: • freshman (high school) • straight A’s • honors student • booksmarts • distant and demanding parents • ‘perfect daughter’ facade • boiling issues of inadequacy • and anxiety • and anger • oh yeah and self esteem • fierce like you wouldn’t BELIEVE • Bisaster but hides it Sasuke: • freshman (high school) • second son of the region’s police chief • mom is a lawyer • looks up to his older genius (slightly mentally unstable) brother • but there’s always the niggling sense of ‘I’ll never measure up’ • good grades • but his parents are always busy • and his brother already hit all those top marks • so it’s nothing special, huh • also a Bisaster and gets flustered sometimes Naruto: • freshman (high school) • half feral • no one knows how he got into high school • frequently claims he was raised by a pack of dogs and/or his foster brother (Kakashi) • bad grades • Art Kid™ • loves paint • spray paint especially • Bisaster and doesn’t bother to hide it • ace • crushing on Kiba Kiba: • freshman (high school) • wild child • mom owns a vet clinic • everyone in his family owns a dog • bad grades • rough and tumble • wrestles for fun • probably in a gang • leather jackets • no one knows if he dyes his cheeks or if he actually got tattoos or what • plot twist his mom also runs a tattoo parlor • but his sister does hardcore YouTube makeup tutorials • it’s anyone’s guess Hinata: • freshman (high school) • shy kid • trying hard but average grades • first daughter of the next region over’s police chief • under crazy pressure • stutters • oversized sweaters • genetic eye thing? • feels inferior to her younger sister • wanted to be rebellious so she tried to dye her hair • but couldn’t make herself do anything more obvious than dark blue Shino: • freshman (high school) • quiet • rumors that he’s mute • sunglasses • oversized coat • plot twist he’s covered in bug bites because he lets mosquitos suck his blood • his family is beekeepers / bug-breeders / ? • likes catching fireflies but always lets them go quickly • average grades • makes a game of how many bugs he can sneak into his pockets before the teachers notice Ino: • freshman (high school) • popular girl • good grades • gossipy but good with secrets • croptops • dad is a reporter / interviewer after retiring from ~secret agency~ • friends with everyone • knows how to cook • good at board games • crazy good at painting nails Shikamaru: • freshman (high school) • probably narcoleptic • sleeps in class • bad grades • good at board games • conspiracy theorist™ • his room is covered in bulletin boards • with pinned newspaper clippings and red string • plot twist his dad has even bigger bulletin boards • and even more newspaper clippings / red string Chouji: • freshman (high school) • loves to cook • parents run a bakery and a restaurant respectively • average grades • good at board games • him and Kiba are in the same boat with the tattoo / dye / makeup mystery • but surely sweet Chouji would never get tattoos • no • never • (plot twist Kiba’s are makeup and Chouji’s are tattoos) Tenten: • sophomore (high school) • confident • has a knife collection • father is a blacksmith / bladesmith • friendly • good grades • no mom • oddly good at styling hair • plot twist it’s bc she does Neji’s Neji: • sophomore (high school) • straight A’s • honors student • Hinata’s cousin • dad died on duty with Hiashi • he blames Hiashi for it • genetic eye thing? • cool • distant • has plans to move in with Tenten after he hits eighteen Lee: • sophomore (high school) • straight A’s • Gai’s adopted son • hardworking • tired of ‘you don’t look alike’ comments • so now he and Gai look exactly alike • super emotional • will absolutely cry when he graduates • always gives 100% of his everything, for everything Itachi: • junior (college) • straight A’s • 4.0 gpa • Halloween Fanatic™ • blank expressions all the time • doesn’t talk often • ppl are always surprised when he does bc he sounds like he gargled a gravel driveway • plot twist it’s bc he’s a hardcore smoker • everyone knows the Uchiha all have this genetic cough/scratchy throat thing that usually comes in between the ages of 18 and 25 • except plot twist the Uchiha are all just chain-smokers • the ‘woke up like this’ kid • drinks matcha tea with his dango Kisame: • senior (college) • lots of tattoos (gills / blue-gray swirls / etc.) • dyes his hair blue • gets cold easy • wears ear warmers • hair doesn’t behave • had to file his teeth for a dare and now he scares all the freshies • polite • can down the blackest of coffee like water but doesn’t often • it’s an exam special • has seven (7) pet fish, two (2) pet snails and one (1) pet marimo algae ball • works at an aquarium • regularly ‘communes’ with the sharks • (he hums at them while they swim around) • but they seem to like him? • the staff is endlessly confused but like whatever floats your boat my guy Pein (Nagato): • senior (college) • philosophy major • blank and monotone • at least nine piercings • quiet but weirdly intense • is in some sort of Relationship™ with Konan • the only person allowed to call him Nagato is Konan • unless they want to wake up drugged in a ditch an inexplicable sixty miles from town covered in paper cuts Konan: • senior (college) • majors in Accounting and / or Management (business student) • somewhat less blank than Pein • has a few piercings of her own • is in some sort of Relationship™ with Pein • origami • never anything less than composed or pristine • badass • 100% of the time, just • badass Tobi: • senior (college) • speaks in third person • embraces his inner child • clumsy af • wears a phantom of the opera mask everywhere • no one knows / can remember his eye color • falls over a lot • trips up the stairs • extreme sweet tooth • likes juice boxes / goldfish / fruit snacks / etc. • roommates with Zetsu • they play go fish when neither can sleep • somehow good grades even though no one ever sees him in class • plot twist it’s bc he goes as Obito Zetsu: • junior (college) • completely lathers themself in water-resistant black and white paint every ~3 days • dyes their hair green • wears their botany project around • what ppl don’t know is that it’s a vampiric plant hybrid they bred specially to feed off blood • ‘i can’t go to her every time she needs to be fed, so i just bring her with me’ • wears contacts • spends most of their time in the greenhouse • doesn’t sleep • local cryptid • nb • ‘any pronouns but she’ • no one ever sees them eat Deidara: • freshman (college) • spends 2.2 hours on his hair and almost a fifth of his budget on hair products • band kid • eyeliner • makeup expert • he collabs with Hana for some YouTube makeup tutorials • drums • unexpectedly good singer • loves fireworks • makes his own fireworks • 4th of July is his favorite holiday • accidentally made a kiln bomb as a kid and now he explodes things as often as possible • enjoys sculpting clay figures for raku pottery with air bubbles so they explode when heated • hates coffee with PASSION • but still visits Sasori’s favorite cafe with him • not that he ASKS but it’s always nice to have company right? • right Sasori: • senior (college) • 21 but ppl think he’s 18 • he’s got a hella baby face • Art Kid™ • enjoys woodworking • and occasionally leather-crafting • dorm room is covered in puppets • human puppets / doll puppets / animal puppets • super good puppeteer • could do his entire show with his eyes closed • tutors Kankurou • once took an archery class and can hit dead center 95% of the time • can sleep with his eyes open • can also sleep standing up • he utilizes both these skills often • everyone thinks he’s a stoic bastard • and he is but also it’s mostly because he keeps falling asleep during conversations • dyes his hair red Kakuzu: • senior (college) • no one knows how long he’s been a senior • he’s not in debt • no student loans • no one knows how he’s doing it • plot twist it’s bc he’s filthy rich from scamming half the students in his freshman year oh so long ago • but he’s stingy and miserly and still lives off instant ramen and cereal • has like three PhDs • he’s working on his fourth • his blood is coffee at this point • he wears a face mask to hide the tattoos he got on a dare as a dumb teenager • has reading glasses but never uses them • green eyes but they’re so bloodshot he looks permanently high when instead he’s averaging 1.5 hours of sleep per night • rents his place out to other college students • he gouges them and they complain but it’s still cheaper than the dorms Hidan: • senior (college) • held back three years in high school • disappears every Sunday • says he was at ‘church’ but no one’s heard of a Jashinist church before much less one in the area • wears contacts • bleached his hair on a dare and liked it so he keeps doing it • regularly / ritually paints his face / chest / arms every Sunday for ‘church’ • prays four times a day on every sixth hour (5 am, 11 am, 5 pm, 11 pm) • has a religious exemption from class for 15 minutes at 11 am to pray • plot twist the only reason he got it is because he prays whether he has it or not and the professor got sick of him loudly and passive-aggressively reciting his prayers over the lecture • always carries his rosary • smokes occasionally • but has a Thing abt hygiene • his teeth are infuriatingly white

#Naruto #College AU #Modern AU #yeah so this is the product of #well me avoiding actually writing #I’ll probably make more #request characters if you like ig

[shrugman]

all :)

I have an 8am so I should be asleep rn but yolo1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?I am often called “fucking idiot”

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read?I don’t even have a shelf

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like?I doodle in class and it’s pretty much just geometric stuff

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive?I pick a topic and then try to come up with something relating to it that starts with every letter in the alphabet 

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it?honestly probably not many, all I’d do all day is think

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?I save them and then when I move I look through them all and save the ones from the people who are still important in my life

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know?my own damn self

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost?if it’s a small party I’ll walk in like a fucking goddess but otherwise I just try to find one person I know and latch on

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be?idk probs vision?? And I could live without smelling stuff I guess

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?Jesus just so so many times

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?that stuff would get better the older you get LMAO

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up?my baby boys

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know?honestly idk

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections?who reads the newspaper 

15. Which animals scare you most? Why?monkeys???? idk why but being near them makes me anxious 

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?it kinda depends but more often I avoid it I guess

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured?i got told I “seem like a cool person” and they said it so sincerely it was really funny

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will?my!whole!personality!

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain.yeah for the most part. Like if I have a routine I’m pretty much going to stick with it

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain.I need constant attention but will also ignore you so... sorry

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits?like 2 weeks ago

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?a few close friends because 1) I do not trust people and 2) people tend to not like me

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?what

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone?I have really strong senses of deja vu like a LOT and it always kinda freaks me out. Also I have dreams sometimes that then happen almost exactly how I saw it the next day

25. What do you think about more than anything else?tbh probably Stephanie 

26. What’s something that amazes you?Stephanie :)

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?Like don’t be a dick but be real?

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?literally I don’t know anywhere 

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why?anything that involves moving because I can’t be bothered 

30. Do you have a catchphrase?nah I don’t think so

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them?okay it is midnight and I am tired and do not want to type a full answer to that

32. How and where do you prefer to study?I read over the material and then quiz myself I guess? and honestly anywhere that’s quiet will do

33. What position do you sleep in?one knee pulled up all the way, other leg straight out, hip slightly twisted 

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why?idk a lot of places are cool. All of Maine was sick as fuck

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new?good jawline, not a dick, likes cheese

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?my sister basically is who shaped me into the person I am so having her be older was important 

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?bye bye POTS hello a not chronically ill lifestyle 

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be?idk because on one hand if something has happened that’s over and where I am now people wise is fine, but also there are some people I hate myself for missing

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?Probably something annoying like Willow or Rain 

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not?if not knowing something painful won’t hurt you in any way, it could be I guess

41. What do you consider unforgivable?stealing my muffin

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?no bc I am a shit

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?I literally won’t. I have such a bad grudge problem even if you do apologize I probably won’t forgive you

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?bud my pal I’ll die for just about anything 

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.I trust a very small amount of people with everything I have to offer, but outside of them I’m skeptical of anything anyone does

46. In what area of your life are you immature?the whole thing

47. What was the best news you ever received?Probably that Stephanie was coming to visit me in Japan

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?Hurtful- nearly impossible unpopular- idgaf

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first?I never really //immediately// click with people, I need some time. And I don’t think so

50. When do you find yourself singing?when I’m happyThanks my friend!!! I am off to sleep now :)

#324bee2dun