#the fact it makes me feel like i am immediately eliminated as someone to be romantically or sexually interested in for most of the world | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

naamahdarling · 7 months

Text

So...this makes...maybe the third or fourth time in 30 years I have gotten an apology for garbage behavior from a clinic? I am shocked.

What happened yesterday at the doctor's office is this: I was very anxious and needed someone with me as backup for an exam. Because of a history of medical assault and neglect, I have a really hard time with that sort of thing. This clinic is the only place that I feel safe going to for this kind of care.

The facility told me I could not bring my boyfriend back with me, I told them I had a governmentally recognized disability, and that I needed someone with me because of anxiety and PTSD. They said that was fine and gave me a release sheet to fill out. That should have been the end of it.

Instead, I was told again when they called me back I could not bring him. They indicated at that time that they had a few private questions for me first. I knew this would be the "do you feel safe at home" screening questions (I support these), so I said "Okay, but he comes in for the exam."

They took me back, did not even ask those questions, and when the time came to bring him in, I was again told he could not come.

I am on the edge of a panic attack and now I am angry because this is both inhumane and a clear violation of the ADA. I am also barely able to speak articulately let alone advocate for myself because I am in a rough patch and totally alone in a scary environment that has now proved itself threatening.

The exam turned out to be unnecessary, thankfully, so I didn't push the issue and just got through the appointment and got out of there so I could have something to eat and stop shivering. But it made me sick inside, and I rapidly regretted not staying to speak to someone about it.

I used the portal and the phone to send a message asking the manager to call me about it, stating that I felt disrespected and unsafe, and that my right to reasonable accommodation for my disability had been seemingly ignored.

And to my utter SHOCK I got a call back from the manager who listened to me describe the incident, IMMEDIATELY apologized, and then told me that due to that incident and something else that happened this morning, they had a staff meeting to make sure it never happened again and it is now "set in stone" that patients may have someone they choose in the room with them. She was probably very aware that breaking the ADA in such a clear-cut way is really bad.

She also seemed personally sorry, and was very professional. Apparently the issue was that some staff were under the impression that the clinic was still using COVID protocols, which include not allowing anybody but the patient back. Which still would have been invalid in the face of "reasonable accommodations as outlined in the ADA", but it explains the confusion somewhat. They were just prioritizing rules over people, specifically disabled people, which is sadly typical.

The apology does not eliminate the last 24 hours of feeling like I'm doomed to be disrespected everyfuckingwhere I goddamned go, how scary it is to be devalued and dehumanized, and how helpless and hopeless it feels to be turned against by a clinic that prides itself on inclusivity. It doesn't take away feeling very depressed and being largely unable to sleep, or the fact that this has reinforced, again, the knowledge that I cannot let my guard down with medical professionals in the moment, even if changes are later made. Apologies don't fix everything. I came out of this another step behind, warier, less trusting. The only bright side is that MAYBE in the future this one clinic will fuck around with me less and with others less. I maybe helped fix a thing.

But I DO have the manager on a recording saying it won't happen again. So I can hold them to it. And I hope the people who were unclear on whether or not disabled people have the right to ask for what they need are very clear on the concept now.

#rambling again

215 notes · View notes

everythingvolturi · 9 months

Text

Demetri Character Analysis - Part 1

━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━ ◦ ❖ ◦━━

Demetri New Moon - Duality of Diplomacy and Violence

Demetri first appears in the alleyway, instructed by Aro to bring two potential law-breakers back to him. Even in this tense and dangerous scenario with violence looming over everyone, Bella’s first impression of Demetri is his ‘soothing’ tone. This is no doubt a tactic to control the situation and discourage any rashness on Edward’s part.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," the other shadow said in a soothing tone.

Even when Edward is refusing his request, Demetri continues to play the role of a ‘polite’ shadow who resembles ‘reasonableness’. Indeed, his request does seem reasonable - they 'merely' and ‘simply’ want to ‘speak’ somewhere less conspicuous.

But simple requests should have simple consequences - you don’t kill someone for refusing to comply. Him masking the underlying threat under the pretense of reasonableness when bringing someone back for trial is manipulative and calculating.

The second, more reasonable shadow cautioned. "Not here." He turned to Edward. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

It also shows that he is not someone that relies entirely on his vampire strengths and animalistics instincts (very common for vampires), and instead understands the politics of the hunt.

A readiness to kill:

What impresses me the most is how quickly he is able to shift from politely negotiating, to being ready to literally kill Edward and Bella, and then immediately return to his polite demeanor once Alice points out the human witnesses. He is able to evaluate the most suitable course of action in a split second, and adjust accordingly. This is not a simple task, as many hunters need to actively get into the mindset to kill.

I imagine this is a requirement for his job, where he is often the first point of contact with the accused, and would be forced to make a split second decision to either give them a chance to attend trial, or take swift actions to eliminate them if necessary.

‘No doubt, he would be a fighter. There was no other way he could have survived so long, always at the spear point of any attack. And he must always lead, because he was their tracker. (Breaking Dawn).

Therefore, Demetri is either someone who is able to calmly negotiate even when he is ready to kill, or someone who is able to quickly shift into a killing mindset. Either is equally impressive and dangerous.

Cruel Detachment:

“Nice fishing” (In reference to Heidi bringing back the group of tourists for the Volturi to feast on).

It is one thing to completely disregard humans, it is another to joke about the mass-killing of them. I am not a vegetarian myself, but if I were to go to a farm and meet the cows that will to be sent to the slaughter house for the BBQ I’m throwing, I would not feel comfortable joking about it.

To me, this is Meyer’s way of emphasizing the cruelty of the Volturi vampires, and using Demetri, who was the voice of reason, to make this comment really reinforces the point that even the most polite of them exhibits a callous detachment. It draws an interesting parallel to Alec’s interaction, where we are once again presented with a stark contrast between a vampire’s outward civility, and their inner detachment. It somehow drives the point more so than using someone like Jane and Caius.

Casanova of life?

Charlie Bewley, the actor portraying Demetri, once described the character as a “casanova of life.” However, there is nothing in canon that indicates this. In fact, I believe his proximity with Felix, who appears to be the actual casanova, would make this more difficult.

I imagine his tracking ability and Felix’s combat capabilities make them the perfect duo (find and eliminate), so the two would often work together. The persona Felix takes on is a flirty and impulsive muscle, and he often times might have to engage in conducts to reinforce this brute image (more on Felix in a later post). Therefore, Demetri would need to play the role of a mature, cautious leader, as seen in New Moon. This includes laying low and cleaning up Felix’s mess - to also participate in a promiscuous lifestyle would draw too much attention. I do think Demetri needs to be charming and sophisticated for his job, which might give the illusion of him being a ‘casanova’, but he's got too much responsibility to actually indulge in this lifestyle.

However, this is mostly my take on the limited information presented in canon. I would not be entirely surprised if he does turn out to be more promiscuous. It just means he is able to balance work with pleasure better than I give him credit for.

#the volturi #volturi #twilight #demetri volturi #character analysis #stephenie meyer #twilight saga #felix volturi #new moon #bella swan #edward cullen #alec volturi #jane volturi #caius volturi

112 notes · View notes

canonically47 · 15 days

Note

I’m so glad someone else has the same opinions about Disventure camp rn, I want to like it and be invested SO badly bc its insanely impressive for what it is, but they just.. keep fucking up all the characters so badly. They introduce interesting ideas or dynamics that are immediately dropped, and some of the characterization makes no sense to me (that is NOT Tom and Ellie wtf !!), and ofc they have to keep ruining every single romantic relationship for some reason?? I don’t really care about any of them outside of maybe 2, but the fact that they keep doing it just pisses me off. Jaiden was a rocky road until the LAST episode of s2, Connor and Riya seems to be over for good, Huntessally and especially just Hunter and Ally was a huge mess, Tomjake is. Tomjake. Trevek has a weird love triangle plot, and they’re clearly going to ruin Gabellie next bc Ellie is almost cartoonishly evil this season. (Not counting Will and Ashley or Kai and Maggy bc they have like 1 minute of screen time)

And the other relationships aren’t safe either!! Fiore and Alec barely got focus and now she’s gone, Miriam only talked to Tom like one time and didn’t talk much with Jake either, they seemed to forget about Gabby and Tom being friends until like episode 5, Ally and Connor never interacted, etc. Tom and Aiden are rlly the only friendship that’s getting a lot of focus, and I have mixed feelings on them bc they’re fun together but I wanted to see Aiden on his own a bit after Lake and James were eliminated. Now he’s just Tom’s friend instead. Same with Tess having at least half of her screen time being about Hunter and Ally even though she’s only talked to both of them once each outside of episode 1. These characters could be so interesting if you stopped sticking them to other people!!

I know we’re only like a third ish of the way through the season so I feel a bit bad for ranting so much, but seeing how it turned out previously I have doubts that they can turn it around. Which sucks bc when it’s good it’s GOOD!! I loved episode 6!! But they keep making such annoying choices for all of the characters that it’s hard to stay interested. At this point I’m rlly only invested in seeing Gretts arc and how the villain alliance will turn out. Sorry for yapping so much I had a lot to say LMAO

i am 100% with you on all of this! you worded this perfectly! i want to be invested, i just can’t because they fuck everything up. alec and fiore pissed me off so much! they villainize ellie too much! we got trevek confirmation and it’s just bitter, no sign of sweet! everything sucks!!!

they took everything good about every season and ruined it in said seasons. oh you like the polycule? yeah theyre not actually a polycule and they fucking suck. oh you like alec and fiore? fiore will betray alec and will never give him reasoning why. oh you like tomjake? LMFAOAOAOAOAOAO

like!!! come onnn give me some meat not just a bone to chew on!!!!!!!

i am very much interested in grett’s arc rn as well, i hope they don’t ruin her and they give yul the ending he deserves (a bad one)

#asks #my asks #don’t apologize btw i agree with all of this #disventure camp #disventure camp spoilers #disventure camp all stars #dcas #campamento desventura #odd nation cartoons

10 notes · View notes

ilikereadingactually · 4 months

Text

The Mimicking of Known Successes

The Mimicking of Known Successes by Malka Older

i will happily admit that i had a long Sherlock Holmes phase precipitated by the BBC's Sherlock. that phase ended fairly abruptly when the Sherlock show and fandom simultaneously crashed and burned, or at least that's how it felt to me; i was so turned off by the whole thing that i didn't revisit ANY Holmesian books or media for years afterward, even though i liked quite a lot of it. i've dipped back in a bit since then (because it's hard to resist the charms of Enola Holmes), and am slowly remembering what i loved about the original stories.

this book has all of that charm and then some. honestly what could be more up my alley than wlw Holmes and Watson in a post-environmental-collapse-of-Earth future in space?? literally nothing, it's a perfect book for me. Malka Older really captures everything that makes the original Sherlock Holmes so delightful to me! the first person narrative, for one, which is pitch-perfectly Watsonian in vocabulary and tone, both nostalgic and totally readable. the excellent chemistry and dynamic between Mossa and Pleiti is also spot on, pleasantly messy and immediately fond and entirely satisfying. and the mystery! i loved that the mystery was driving the plot but that the emotional story was the more important arc, and i loved that i had a sense of how the pieces connected but didn't understand it all until Mossa put it together, which is just how a Holmesian story ought to feel.

a fantastic read, and a quick read too, and i'm DYING for the next one (already requested it on NetGalley even though it comes out pretty soon...)

the deets

how i read it: @digger1649 literally put the hardcover into my hands as i was picking up other books at the library and said "you should read this," and he was correct. thanks for all the absolute banger recommendations lately!!! this is one i will definitely buy for myself and recommend at work.

try this if you: are a Holmes fan of any stripe, dig a queer mystery, love sff that imagines what we'll do after running the Earth into the ground, or just delight in the interesting combo of old-fashioned gaslamp language/tone and a futuristic setting!

some bits i really liked: i just love them and also the references so much

Mossa waved that aside. "But you also know me, and how I work. Explaining it to someone else would take too long." I could not restrain a feeling of warmth as if that were praise or even affection and not merely a statement of fact. Believing in signs of affection from Mossa was a trap, because it led to expecting signs of affection.

---

"And you were saying about your specific project?" "Ah yes. I study the British Isles, in the mid-twentieth century. At the moment I'm working on a very useful book about rabbits and their adventures. There's a wealth of descriptions of the flora and fauna in a highly circumscribed, clearly-identified area."

---

Mossa's expression was like the one she had worn in theoretical forestry class when the professor had offered successively more difficult elimination problems until Mossa, alone, had comprehended the final paradigm: as though I were as fascinating and satisfying to grasp as her most difficult questions. But then she shook her head. "Pleiti," she said, "I haven't changed."

---

Mossa responded simply with a Classical quotation: "'Why are men?'"

#books and reading #book reviews #book recs #booklr #bookblr #queer sff #the mimicking of known successes #malka older

5 notes · View notes

crunchyharold · 7 months

Note

blinks at u. tell me ur dawn and/or zoey and/or zawn opinions. peas and thank u :3

blinks back at u

dawn was my immediate fave in roti and i was fuming (/lh) about her elimination. have since come to terms with the fact that she's a gimmick character n therefore wasn't gonna go far. my feelings towards her have fluctuated a liiiil bit because so many people said she's overrated and i was like :(( ok ur right :((

but she's allowed to be overrated imo lmao because her design is sick as hell and i love witchy/psychic type characters. i love that she completely lacks social skills and doesn't seem aware of how offputting people find her. i love that she so clearly wants to be friends with everyone and thinks that by telling people things she know about them then it'll make them like her. i love how she tries to see the best in everyone (like the beetle whisperer line? scott had been nothing but unpleasant to her for the whole challenge but she thought she'd found something they had in common and tried to bond over it. sad! i know people interpret that as a shippy thing i do Not i am actually. quite averse to dott)

zoey is hmm. she's one of those characters that i like the concept of but the execution not so much. i wish the show didnt keep telling us that she's a nice wholesome gal instead actually of showing us that she is (kind of like beth. she has a lot in common with beth actually but nobody points it out because. well u kno why) i wish instead of being all oooo she's so nice and quirky (not even that true) they played into her judgemental side and her not-like-other-girls attitude. i wish she had more valuable conversations with other girls and had character development that way instead of just. becoming commando zoey for an episode. which was wasted potential in itself it could have been a whole thing

and then she has even less character in all stars im sorry she did NOT deserve the win. courtney should have won all stars and im saying that as someone who doesnt even like courtney

anyway though the zoey i have in my head would go together with dawn So well. they'd help each other develop their social skills and they'd read tarot cards and make clothes together. i dont have many thoughts on zawn but then thoughts i do have are good. they are also nothing like canon lmao

#help. this is long sorry #td #total drama #td zoey #td dawn #td zawn

7 notes · View notes

shamelesscloudbeliever · 2 months

Text

I Dress To Kill - Part Four

M continued “ you see 007, important men can surround themselves with bullet proof glass, all the bodyguards they want, but there’s one thing that will always get through the security, a beautiful sexy woman. Men can’t help being flattered when a beautiful woman shows them some attention and so they drop their guard and eventually meet their demise, all the security in the world can’t keep them safe from a beautiful hit-woman". "Nicole uses her irresistible sexuality and combines it with a ruthless assassin mind and an incredibly superior IQ to finance a very lavish lifestyle, don't you darling. Nicole smiled at M's complements. All true.

M continued, "I ordered the entire MI5 double O team of agents murdered, Sylvia Trench murdered agents 003 and 009 in Berne, and Madrid, Fiona Volpe liquidated 001 and 005 in Caracas and Abu Dhabi, Tatiana Romanova assassinated agents 004 and 006 in Lima and Singapore while Fatima Blush terminated 002 and 008 in a resort in the Seychelles where she put two bullets into each of them less than 24 hours ago., which just leaves you to be disposed of Charles" " As you know Charles each of these women is a top class pilot as a well as an excellent assassin so I provided four luxury private jets which allowed them to transverse the globe using numerous false passports to allow them to carry out my plan and it worked to perfection". M continued, obviously ecstatic in her triumph " You see I knew everyone of those men's flaws and my team of gorgeous assassins simply exploited them which made eliminating them all so easy." " Your flaw 007, which is about to cost you your life, is that male chauvinist arrogance of yours" " I know what you're thinking 007, that you thought all four ladies I've just mentioned had been killed while on active service for their Agencies, in fact , just like me, all four faked their deaths and came to work for me in a private capacity. " I've made them very very rich", so much more gratifying to kill someone for 20 million dollars than for Queen and country, don't you agree" M said as she continued to taunt Bind. "Nicole, on the other hand is an independent woman, her fee for this hit is $100 million and she's earned every cent, don't you agree Charles?"? M continued.

"And now only you remain 007, a dinosaur from a different era which is about to become extinct, Nicole, if you would be so kind, eliminate Mr. Bind" Nicole smiled, " my pleasure M". "Relax Charles" she sneered arrogantly, "I am a professional, you're in good hands". " Nicole switched the function on her iPhone to video and pointed it at where Bind was sitting, ensuring that his muscular frame was fully captured on the screen. Bind realised that this woman was about to film his murder at her hands. Nicole caught the look of despair in Bind's eyes and joked "oh Charles a woman needs to be turned on before she masturbates and your murder darling is the ultimate turn on for me which I intend to watch over and over again"

Bind realised he had still one chance, he could feel the weight of his Walther PPK in his inside shoulder holster and if he could take it out in time he could get one shot off and kill the hitwoman. “We’ll soon see who’s best” he thought to himself. “Do you mind if I unbutton my jacked” Bind asked Nicole. “Not at all” Nicole replied makes no difference to me if the bullets go through your jacket or not” This was his chance, Bind unbuttoned his tuxedo jacket and immediately withdrew his gun from his holster and had it pointing at Nicole who still had her Sig-Sauer resting in her lap. “Looks like the tables have turned” Bind said, “now where is M so I can find the bitch and avenge the deaths of my colleagues”

Nicole threw her head back laughing and mocked Bind “Oh 007 do you really think I would left you with a fully loaded gun in your pocket, I removed all the bullets while you were knocked out. I was just being extra cruel by making you think you had one last chance to overpower me, after all darling I could have laced your martini with an untraceable toxic poison and killed you last night but I wanted to see the look on your face when you realize that a woman is superior in every way to you 007” Nicole said triumphantly. Bind squeezed the trigger of his gun, click-click-click , nothing, the gun was completely empty. Bind now knew he was doomed to die, a look of utter defeat on his face.. “ Your Walther PPK is empty , while my 9mm Sig-Sauer however is fully loaded, Nicole said with spine chilling arrogance as she pointed her gleaming suppressed black gun upwards while at the same time bringing it to her red lips. Nicole parted her lips and proceeded to run her tongue slowly and seductively along the entire length of the gun barrel and suppressor as if she was about to commence fellatio. Nicole caught that unmistakable look in Bind's eyes which she had seen in so many of her previous victims. A look which said that this woman was about to end my very existence. It was a look which Nicole considered the ultimate turn-on.The supreme joy in her look at the murder she was about to commit was absolutely ineffable. ”Oh Charles never trust a rich hitwoman" Nicole said mockingly as she pointed her gun at her victim and her black leather glove finger squeezed the trigger three times, slowly, methodically, “pfft" "pfft” “pfft” , each bullet hitting Bind directly and clinically in the heart, a river of crimson blood immediately stained his immaculate white dress shirt, he slumped forward and fell to the cold marble floor, mortally wounded, the latest victim of Nicole Taylor.

Nicole took a moment to relish her latest kill, her greatest kill. She rose from the chair, calmly smoothed out the creases in her sleek tight black leather dress and safe in the knowledge that 007 was now completely powerless, picked up the champagne flute and sipped her champagne, its chill caressed the back of her throat. Nicole walked elegantly across the penthouse suite marble floor in her six inch heels, champagne glass in her left gloved hand, her Sig-Sauer, pointing upwards in her right, and stood over the mortally wounded legendary British Secret Agent. Nicole smiled and lifted her left leg and rested her left foot on Bind's chest, slowly sinking her steel spiked stiletto heel into his body. " Oh Charles" the hitwoman said arrogantly, " this is the 21st Century, heroes die and villians live, good guys lose and bad girls most definitely win which as you can see I've proven without a shadow of a doubt". "Goodbye Mr Bind". As she sank her heel deeper into him, a sensation of lingering sexual arousal engulfed her. Nicole's smile suddenly turned to a ice cold lethal stare and she pointed her sleek black suppressed 9mm sig-sauer at the most famous secret agent in the world and fired one more shot, "pfft", into the center of Bind’s forehead, killing him.

Charles Bind 007, the world's greatest secret agent was dead. Murdered in cold blood by the world's deadliest hitwoman. It had been the ultimate battle of the sexes and the woman had proven to be deadlier than the male and the man had paid with his life.

Nicole had murdered many powerful men over the years but this assignment had given her the most pleasure, both professional and sexual.. To eliminate an adversary in the same line of work as oneself and to almost effortlessly triumph was exceptionally gratifying. The shocked look on his face was priceless thought Nicole. The world’s best secret agent had proven no match for the world’s best assassin. Bind had a license to kill and Nicole had just terminated him permanently with ruthless efficiency and now he lay dead at her six inch spiked killer heels. Nicole bent down and took Bind's Walther PPK from his hand and placed it under the black stocking top of her upper left thigh, the cold metal felt delicious against her flesh. Nicole had not just murdered Bind , she had crushed him. She smiled at the absolute perfection of her merciless plan which manifested itself in four bullets to Bind's body from her gun.

“It’s done M “ Mr Bind is extremely dead" Nicole said to her employer. “Excellent” replied M , “now as per our usual arrangements, your $100 million dollar fee has been deposited into your Swiss bank account, one of the company jets is waiting for you on the runway at Monte Carlo Airport to take you anywhere you want. M continued “By the way Nicole I have a contract for you to kill a reclusive Russian Oiligarch who’s preparing to divorce his 30 year old ex-supermodel wife. Turns out she’s not willing to accept half of $60 billion fortune in the divorce settlement, she wants it all and has offered our organisation $500 million for the hit, 25% of which will be your fee of course”. So I’ll have my secretary make the necessary arrangements for you to carry out the assassination in Moscow at the end of next month.”

“One more thing Nicole, I know how you love your expensive fast toys so as a little bonus for killing Bind, you'll find the latest Ecosse Titanium Motorcycle parked in your garage at your Miami penthouse". “I’ve so enjoyed working with you once again Nicole, you never fail me".Just before M signed off, Nicole informed her of what she intended to spend part of her fee on.

“ Nicole, you are so wicked, that’s why you’re the best”. M said as she signed off.

#hitwomen

2 notes · View notes

the-backstage-agit-au · 2 years

Text

Ghost lore in BackStage

(no, you can’t use these ideas for your au, it was invented individually for the BackStage)

So. In the last post I briefly mentioned the third kind of soul (if you haven't seen it, please read it now, it will be easier to understand)

and also some kind of strange “energy cycle” in this world

Well.. Has anyone ever thought about what will happen to the ghost that refused to fulfill their purpose? Is they really going to live forever?

So that's exactly why nature created “Haunts”!

Cruel, merciless and the most dangerous creatures of this world!

If you suspect something is wrong, you should immediately inform someone of the adults about it so that this outrage is immediately eliminated!

It can be your friend, your neighbor, uncle or aunt - in any case, it's a soulless monster that pretends to be normal!

If they are not exterminated, they will kill everyone who is dear to you and destroy the shell of time!

We must not make such mistakes!

...Would a time teacher in the lower grades tell you

but I tell only the truthful and almost unknown side of these creatures

(trigger topics: bad treatment, insults, humiliation, to some extent rasicm, violence and death)

As you may have guessed by now, “Haunts” are created in order to control the ghost population

They collect energy like.. “eating” it, and then, dying, they give it back to the earth, the earth to living beings, and so on in a circle

This is an anomaly/breakdown in the (usually) ideal mechanism of time people, created from a shadow ghost and a time person

Usually time people can create “a friend” from a part of their soul, but at some point something went wrong...

Also, the funny fact is: they don't have an official name, “Haunts” is what I call them, but so little is known about them and there are so few of them that they don't even have an official name hihihi (so everything you read here will remain a mystery)

but let's go back

Again, I want to remind you that all this is known only to you

The Time people themselves think at most that “Haunts” absolutely cannot endure the sun or has a sharp pupil, they are afraid of such that they refuse to contact and/or study!

but trust me, this is not a story with a happy ending where everything will change at some point, these traditions have not changed for a very, very long time

Yes, up to this age, the child is absolutely no different from other time people (except that sometimes they ruin time, but these are such trifles)

But in one day they begin to notice that.. that something is wrong..

“Seems my new teeth will be sharper than the old ones”

“Why do I give in to emotions so easily”

“Why don't I remember what just happened”

“Why am I ruining my projects and the projects of my classmates”

“Why do I feel the taste of other people's emotions”

“Why-”

It's hard to breathe, the heart starts beating harder, some black substance gradually absorbs you causing a burning sensation throughout the body

You want to scream in pain and call for help.. but.. you can't

Because you perfectly remember how your kind treats mistakes like you.

So it seems dear, you'll have to deal with it all by yourself!

And now just interesting facts as in the past post to close some questions!

⏳ “The entity” is still the same person you are used to seeing (character, some views, another), just in a slightly different form

⏳ Unlike ghosts, they can learn any kind of magic! Just eat someone’s soul and absorb their power! (well, or study it yourself for a very long time)

⏳ They cannot pass THROUGH objects and ghosts cannot pass through them as for example through an ordinary soul

⏳ Can have sex and children thanks to their human part (the ghostly part doesn’t have genitals)

⏳ They are alive.

⏳ Physical needs are the same as for ordinary people

⏳ Basic abilities in magic: shape-shifting, the ability to see in the dark, to see the magic of time people and destroy it if necessary, to feel other people's souls

⏳ If “Haunt” does not eat souls, they get emotional hunger, but it’s actually possible to live with it

Luke, for example, performs on stage to recharge or spends time with his husband

⏳ Just like ghosts, it's hard for them to lie or hide their emotions, but it's still possible

⏳ If you look closely, their skin glows slightly in the dark

⏳ There are very, very few of them, thanks to time people, their number has greatly decreased at some point in time

⏳ As I said, “Haunts” also can feel the world thanks to their “sense of smell”, even invisible ghosts are not a problem for them to find

⏳ Oh and by the way, this phenomenon is inherited)

It’s all for now! If I remember or come up with some new facts, I can add them here

thank you very much if you have reached this point, it is incredibly valuable to me! kiss kiss💕

#A Glitch in Time #AGiT #BackStage #BS #AGiT au #the-backstage-agit-au #Snatcher #Luke #BackStage lore information #a hat in time #ahit

58 notes · View notes

crazypossumman · 2 years

Text

A thing about binding…

So, as we all know, there’s a lot of reasons someone may not be able to bind with an actual binder. These include:

Financial reasons

Health issues

Inaccessibility due to lack of support from family

Hostility towards trans people in their area

Simply feeling uncomfortable in a binder due to chest size, body type, or any other factors

Or a multitude of other things

I’ve been binding for about 2-2.5 years now (I can’t remember exactly). Unfortunately, financial struggles make it seem like top surgery is a thing of the distant future, so I’ll probably be doing this for some time. I am also a plus-sized dude with a very large chest—approximately 38D, but I don’t wear bras so I don’t know my size exactly—which causes some issues. Being large-chested is already known to cause back pain BEFORE adding binding to the mix. And, with the size of my chest, I feel uncomfortable/unsafe being out in public without binding due to the fact that I pass in most other ways, as I live in a rather conservative state and typically try to avoid being flagged as trans by strangers.

As a result of these factors, I’ve been doing some experimenting with alternatives to binding. Now, again, being large-cheated really starts to limit options. Things like tucking are already considered dangerous, and they tend to be impractical with larger breasts.

So, I’ve been looking in to alternatives. The first thing I did some research on was the TomboyX compression bra that recently spiked in popularity after being sold at Target for a time. While these look like a promising and well made produce, they still run at about $40 (before taxes and shipping), making them comparable to the price of a binder. And, though the reviews on them seem very good, I wasn’t personally wanting to spend that amount of money on what appeared to be a glorified sports bra (I mean no offense by this, it’s just personal opinion).

And so, being the Broke Bitch™️ I am, I went to Walmart. There, I found this:

Looking at it, it seemed pretty promising. If nothing else, it would be a good alternative for when I needed break days or would be working out, so I bought it for a whopping $14.99 (after tax). Immediately when I went home, I tried it on and took comparison photos between that and my binder.

This is the GC2B half-tank binder in an XL compared to the sports bra in the photo above from two different angles. Obviously, the shape is quite different, but the sports bra is surprisingly comfortable and adds a very decent amount of compression. Next, I put on a t-shirt and retook the photos:

Again, this is binder on the top, sports bra on the bottom. Still, there is a slight difference in shape and size, but it’s generally not that noticeable. Granted, I do wear almost exclusively baggy t-shirts, so I’m sure that helps. Next, I took the same photos with my go to Trans Guy Baggy Hoodie:

So, there's a bit to unpack here. First of all, it's worth noting I immediately removed the pads from the bra. Even so, the shaping issue is still somewhat of an issue. Luckily(?) for me, with my body type, it would be believable for me to have a bit of Man Titty. For someone thin and large-chested, this may not be the case. On the other hand, for anyone relatively small chested, bra like this one would probably be (at least somewhat) effective.

To make things simple, here are the things I liked about the...

Binder

Is made especially made for trans men, therefore eliminating some of the dysphoria associated with wearing a bra (for me, at least)

Shapes the chest so that breast tissue more closely resembles "pecs"

Slightly flatter chest look

Is more comfortable to wear in public on its own (ie. for swimming shirtless)

Sports Bra

Thinner straps and lighter fabric can reduce sweat and therefore acne

More breathable/less compression on the lungs

Less risk for the health issues associated with binding (ig)

Might make my body personally look more proportionately accurate (idk if looking like I have massive pecs or slightly saggy man titties is better lol)

End game, I feel this experiment has left me with more questions than answers. Honestly, during the winter months when I have to layer up anyway, I may wear the sports bra to give my body a break, but I get the feeling I will be back to binding normally before long.

If anyone else has any information on this, please feel free to share your insight with me. Or, if any plus sized people have tried the TomboyX compression top or any other brands of binders that may be worth trying, let me know how you felt about it! Maybe I'm wrong and it would be worth the money lol.

Also, a friendly reminder that binding is by no means required for any chest size to be nonbinary, transmasc, transgender, etc. or any combination thereof, and that everything I reported here is based on my personal experience alone.

Note: Any comments on my weight or misgendering and I will start hunting you for sport :)

29 notes · View notes

religion-is-a-mental-illness · 2 years

Text

Some user with a blank, disposable blog sent me an Ask ranting about how I was “hateful” and telling me I should behave like some rando I’ve never heard of. I responded as follows:

LOL

Some time later, the following was spewed at my private messages, and I was then immediately blocked. So let’s take a look, shall we?

vivalacrista god is éternel he existed since time began and will always exist

The Invisible Pink Unicorn is eternal. She existed since time began and will always exist.

Casper the Friendly Ghost is eternal. He existed since time began and will always exist.

My fictional characters are equivalent to your fictional characters.

What’s interesting is that you could never harm or injure an eternal creature. You could never take away from it, and therefore it could never have cause to punish you, and you could never add to it, therefore it could never reward you.

What’s also interesting is that claiming to know that it’s eternal eliminates your ability to defer to its mystery.

Have you ever actually sat down and considered the qualities you ascribe to this creature? Cause it doesn’t seem like you have.

vivalacrista You can’t deny you are hatful

Actually, I can. I don’t own or wear any hats.

If you mean “hateful,” then I beg to differ. You don’t even know me.

I won’t deny that I hate bad ideas, false ideas. I feel no self-consciousness or discomfort about that. Pretty proud, actually.

vivalacrista Go look at nateislame to see how atheists should behave [URL deleted]

Ah, I should sit at the back of the bus and be silent for your convenience. I should moderate my behavior to suit your sensibilities and preferences. I should genuflect and defer to you and your paper-thin feelings.

I don’t give a shit about some atheist I’ve never heard of. I am me. I will atheist my way, and no other. And I will not be dictated to as to how I “should behave.”

I am not your house atheist. I will not be told how and when and on what I may speak, least of all someone as narcissistic and entitled as you.

vivalacrista You call yourself rational but are more bigoted then any chrstian witch is irrational and manipulating a 16 year old is wrong

It’s really hard to take seriously someone who is either borderline illiterate or still struggling through their Eighth Grade remedial English class.

It’s further hard to take seriously criticism of my rationality by someone who seems to be determined to demonstrate that they are not. If you had a rational argument to make, you could and should have made it. Instead, you did all... this.

I have no damn clue who you are or why you’re even in my private messages. The “bigotry” you speak of is merely your personal discomfort with the fact that I am not afraid to say what’s on my mind.

If me posting on my page is “manipulating” people, then you’re really going to have a hard time with the rest of Tumblr, not to mention the entire outside world beyond your bedroom.

There are many, many people out there who are going to say things you don’t like, and many of those things will be true. And none of them are obliged to lie for your comfort or convenience.

Your problem dealing with this is your problem, and yours alone.

vivalacrista What's rhe

What’s The matter did I take the wind out of your sail, you also Uniroicly belive gender is not a real thing and just stereotypes so who’s the idiot nowand no i’m not still scared of you But I a, willing to die to stop you from hurting other people of faith, you are no different from people like kenneth copleland

No, I have a life and you’re some random nobody in my private messages. You are not the center of my world. I don’t even know who you are.

Also, no, you’ve clearly not been paying the slightest attention to anything I’ve said. So, I don’t feel particularly invested in defending myself to someone who don’t bother to read what I have to say.

Since I’m not harming anyone, merely criticizing ideas, such as your superstitions about a magical spaceman living in the clouds granting you wishes, I wish you all the luck in the world. Being “willing to die to stop” me from doing something I’m not even doing is kind of like taking a bullet for Bigfoot, or risking your life to cut up the Loch Ness Monster-capturing nets. That don’t exist.

Go nuts. Or more so.

vivalacrista Most atheists are very kind people who are accepting but you are certainly a acception, i’m not asking you to be chrstian but only to tolerate other people

I am a very kind person. Which is why I give believers the dignity and respect to challenge their primitive, juvenile beliefs. One of the most loving things you can ever do for someone is to tell someone what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear. Unfortunately, your personal fragility appears to make this untenable, as your babbling seems to be a demand to support your comforting lies, so you can avoid painful truths.

If that’s what you wish, then you can construct your confirmation bubble around yourself by yourself. Block me or something. It’s not that hard.

vivalacrista And if you don’t belive in the bible why do you use it for arguments

Seriously? This... this confuses you? Are you really this foolish?

How about because you do. If you get to quote the bible to justify your beliefs, then I get to quote the bible to show that you’re wrong. It’s your book. If you didn’t keep shoving it in our faces, insisting it’s the only moral guide for humanity, or justifying your imaginary blood-god with it, we wouldn’t have to keep pointing out the bits that are gross and immoral.

And it’s false. We actually already know this. We know when it was written. We know how it was written. We know it wasn’t written by anyone who was (supposedly) there. We know that it says things that are known to have never happened. We know how it was edited. We know pieces were cherry picked for inclusion, selected for exclusion, embellished, elaborated, and stories were crafted wholecloth.

It’s a book of public concern. I can say what I want.

And I’m willing to bet I know it better than you.

If I don’t get to use the bible, you don’t get to use a science book. Any of them.

Considering what a controlling, arrogant, toxic person you come across as, it makes me wonder whether this is the poison of your religion - providing more reason to decline and avoid it - or it’s a pre-existing personality disorder - in which case, I’m not inclined to put much stock in your personal judgement.

Maybe next time have an actual, logical argument to be made, rather than just behaving like a whining child.

#vivalacrista #private messages #arrogance #narcissism #narcissists #Idiots #religion is a mental illness

20 notes · View notes

upsidedowngrass · 1 year

Note

I am going to talk about Bryce bc I think people only talk about him if he's The Support Guy. It's always Liam is Airy's fav or Amelia is Airy's fav but Bryce was REJOINED and Liam was an OPTION!! If it was solely to make the others feel better wouldn't Airy have picked the guy that was with them longer aka Liam? And WITH Bryce's info being so hard to find combined with the possibility of Airy watching him during the 7 month hiatus (assuming he found the phobia after the fact) (1/4)

(put my response under a readmore bc oh my god this is a long response ??)

i think airy is DEF fascinated by bryce!!!! like on one hand he chooses to eliminate bryce before liam, so i think he does ALSO maybe have an interest in liam, and theres a chance he didnt have liam rejoin bc he was JUST eliminated, it wouldnt be interesting if he immediately brought him back! BUT its also like... he DEF has a fascination w bryce!!!!!! like the effort he wouldve had to go to just to get that img, and to figure out he has thalassophobia is like. i dont think he put nearly so much effort into finding out stuff abt the other characters. i think he likes to learn things about bryce and thinks hes interesting

the idea of airy killing charlie on purpse is a VERY interesting idea i havent considered before??? i will say that its incharacter for him to not put together how much risk hes putting other characters at, or to accidentally ignore them (what with the ending of one 17. he didnt even Acknowledge that none of the contestants were present where he was looking???), and it wouldnt be unrealistic for him to have said that and acted as if Oh im sure one of the adultsll move the baby or something. or he wont be in the way at all. its probably not very likely for him to be in the way anyway. hell be fine (he also seems to slowly adjust how he runs things, like teleporting tray off the pole before she falls after one contestant died and another broke a leg)

BUT also?? i think it being intentional is a super interesting read, bc it ALSO tracks. i dont think he likes killing the contestants, but he Does see it more as an inconvenience than an actual Problem, and if he only brought charlie for the purpose of showing everyone respawning it DOES impact how much he plans things and how its read how he feels abt the events in one. bc it WOULD track for airy to go like. well i dont want them to get hurt, but itll be quick, so it wont actually bother him. he probably wouldnt even remember it anyway. babies dont remember things that well right? hell be fine.

i think each season is more planned than the last BUT ur right!!!! within each season, the planning for contestants gradually gets more and more random!!! and as for it only taking a day for him to get the info on the s3 contestants, id guess it has smth to do with the fact that he already has a basis for them!!! whereas before, he was having to pick ppl he had Zero connection to, NOW hes picking characters he knows thru his previous contestants!! id imagine its easier to pick someone a person you ALREADY know abt knows and then find information on, than to pick a person out of billions of ppl and THEN find info on them

but yeah the decision to bring children into the competition is like. ABSURD to me. im glad he at least DIDNT bring another baby. but id think maybe airy picked kylie instead of brad bc it was easier to find info on her, but that OBVIOUSLY isnt the case for her image??? bradley HAS an image of himself on a computer????????? (and tbh brad def uses object facebook but thats neither here nor there) so maybe kylie was picked bccccc she interacted w bryce more often? maybe it was easier to find records of employees than bryces friend. if bryces only img was NOT a picture he took, maybe bryce isnt online much, so its hard to find out that he has a friend who is bradley, and easier to find out that he has a coworker??? DUNNO... at this pt im just throwing stuff out there

all of this DOES actually make me wonder, though, because all of hte contestants, in some way, MAY have friends and family, but theyre not especially prominent people (julien COULDVE been due to the nature of his work, but also a lot of artists arent very known, so its ambiguous. but either way, he def wasnt picked intentionally anyway so this doesnt rly apply to him)

bryce has like one friend and a coworker. liam has a friend that shows up but theres its unclear if theres anyone else, and if there IS, they dont show up at all. amelia explicitly mentions having friends and family who are probably worried about her, and charlotte has friends shown, and taylor has friends and family, and tomato has a mother, but even all these people still dont seem to have much in terms of being well known? it couldve just happened off screen, but these ppl disappearing (save for taylor and charlie, who were gone for a WAY shorter period) wasnt very. widely payed attention to

like most obviously it doesnt seem that ANYONE liam hitched a ride w recognized him. which wouldnt be super likely!! but it still makes me wonder if airy deliberately picked people who were like. VERY everyday ppl. people who wouldnt have it be ESP noticed if they disappeared. and if thats the case, i imagine it was a. no harm no foul type thing to him. have a fun game, send them home, nobody was even worried. this wouldnt change much but MAN am i thinkin abt it

#ask #child death #ask to tag #TY FOR THE ASK this topic interests me a LOT #which. i think may be conveyed thru the length of my response LOL

2 notes · View notes

yoan-portfolio · 1 year

Text

The hidden “F-word” of the immigrant dating scene

How to recognize fetishization as a young woman abroad?

Imagine this - you are a twenty-something year old woman. You’ve spent your entire life in your home country, surrounded by the comfort of the familiar. Everyone looks similar to you, you share the same language and culture. Yet you’ve always longed for a life in the land of tea, bad weather and incomprehensible accents. So one day, you pack your bags, say teary goodbyes and in 8 hours, you cringe while everyone is clapping as your plane hits the ground at Heathrow.

The UK is your home now, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad - it’s classy, you think, it’s multicultural! You fantasise about life in 5 years time - waking up in a trendy Soho apartment, grabbing a Pret on the way to the 9 to 5 job you absolutely adore. Life seems full of possibilities!

You meet your dream date for lunch on a Sunday. Everything seems perfect. He says you’re not like other girls. Then he orders you sushi and says how “kawaii” it is that you’re enjoying your native cuisine. You’re Taiwanese. What the fuck?

Welcome to the western dating scene, where your identity is tossed aside in favour of labels such as “exotic” and “fresh” which would only be fitting for a tropical fruit on the Tesco aisles. Which is in fact, what a lot of men see - a ripe, foreign delicacy they can take a bite of, before going back to eating Granny Smith apples. All the while, you just wish you could scream - I am not a fucking fruit!

The sushi in your mouth turns bitter as you are overcome with confusion, anger and self-doubt. It’s time to face it, you were just served fetishization for dessert.

Candice Chen, a 20-year-old architecture student, talked me through some of her most memorable, and dehumanising encounters with the “F- word”:

“On a night out in a club, I met this guy who was trying to chat me up. He was like ‘You’re gonna be really popular here tonight, but only because of Squid Game.’ Second thing he said was even worse ‘Oh, but I’m different, I’ve always liked Asians.’, which is such a red flag.“

Sooner or later, racialized women are put in the vicious circle of a losing game. They either adopt the stereotypes of desirability or feel othered and unlovable. Fetishization reduces the complex nature of women as individuals to a handful of easy to swallow, pleasant assumptions.

“People think saying things like that is ok, because they don’t stop to think how that might affect someone’s perception of themselves. Hearing someone genuinely say it makes me wonder what the reasons are every time I get hit on - is race the only thing they really see? Sometimes you can easily tell, for example if they say konnichiwa to me (that happened three times in a week). I was like ‘What is going on?’”

The idea of foreign women being seen as passive and exotic is more than a harmless stereotype. It makes them more susceptible to objectification other than the dating scene, as they are not perceived outside the lens of desirability. In 2021, an Atlanta shooter who murdered six Asian women in a spa, said he saw them as “a temptation he wanted to eliminate”. Meanwhile, police described it as nothing more than a young, white man’s “bad day”.

Expert works focusing on the issue say fetishization is inherently paradoxical. Ethnic women are showered with sometimes contrasting and seemingly flattering assumptions, which are hard to recognize immediately. It results in a mindset dependent on eurocentric desirability, where many distinct cultures, backgrounds and lives are reduced to a collective, alienated, but exciting and exotic “other”.

Mea Aitken, a sociology graduate and fetishization researcher said: “I think when you exist in a racialized body you are othered in mainstream society and I believe this othering often leads to fetishization.

“There are many ways that fetishization is present in society. I think this is observed particularly in the dating scene where people, predominantly white people, will make comments to people of colour that reduce them to racialised tropes and stereotypes. As a black mixed-race woman, I observe this through the ways I am over-sexualised and perceived as hyper aggressive, and these stereotypes differ depending on how you are racialized. “

Pop culture doesn’t quite go against fetishization either. Ethnic women’s depiction in media such as 1995’s “Madame Butterfly” or play “Miss Saigon” is depersonalised and soaked in stereotypes. It’s like Asian women are reduced to a hypersexual object of fantasy, even in media which is meant to be centred around them.

Candice added: “With old Hollywood films you get the tropes of the Dragon Lady who is super sexy and has mystic powers like jade and dragons and stuff. She is crazy and dominant in bed but will also be a cute little wife who would never fight you.

“With Asians, compared to other races, women are seen as exotic and sexy and different and hypersexual, but at the same time demure and “do whatever you say”, which is really weird. I feel like in mixed race relationships, Asian women always wonder if they have to be all of that to be desirable.”

So with media, dating and whatnot feeding us fetishization by the spoonful every day, is dating really that hopeless? Of course not. After all, you travelled half the world away to pursue your dream life (just keep thinking of the Soho apartment!). You are way more than a body, a skin colour, or a language. You are more than someone’s fantasy. In fact, you are someone’s dream.

Mea shared some of her methods to give fetishization the middle finger: “I think as racialized women we get encouraged to accept the bare minimum when people compliment us as we are socialised to think we are less desirable than our white counterparts.

“Still, we have the right to have standards for how we are treated. You shouldn’t have to accept being subjected to racially fetishising stereotypes and you certainly should not be expected to be complimented by this. I would encourage, if you feel able to, to talk about these experiences with people that you trust. I think racial fetishization can be an extremely isolating and complex experience so it is important to try and find a support network that can validate your lived experiences. Equally, if you feel in a position to, you have every right to call people out for their inappropriate behaviour.”

1 note · View note

vvienne · 3 years

Text

RANWAN FIC RECS

Absolute Zero by jitterati

Pathologically solitary academic Chu Wanning left behind a life of research to enlist with the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps Jaeger team when giant monsters began to emerge from the Pacific ocean, eager to leave his personal entanglements behind him and join humanity's collective battle against the threat of extinction.

His goal is to build an artificial intelligence that will allow a pilot to operate a Jaeger mech solo - eliminating the need for pilot compatibility and the mortifying ordeal of being totally known by another person, a "neurological handshake" known colloquially as the drift.

He didn't expect his former students to follow him all the way to front line of the war against the kaiju.

Featuring lots of side character interaction, pining, yearning, questions on the nature of personhood, friendship between jerks, people coping badly with loss, snarky AI, and giant robots. Illustrations by Saika & Daru

Husky and his White Kitten Disciple by JustAMoon123

Within a lonely heart, the seeds of hatred start to grow.

-A 2ha Age and Role-Reversal AU.-

NOTE: This Story is Now E Rated!

[Before meeting Chu Wanning, Mo Ran had drawn his power exclusively from the Wood side of his dual Spiritual Root, and his Qi had always glowed green.

Now, only when in battle did it do so, with Bugui’s blade encased in a tyrannical green light.

Outside of battle, like when he set barriers of warmth; or made Crystal Butterflies to tease golden flowers; or cast a small array to keep a box of food warm, his Qi manifested with a gentle red glow.

Mo Ran’s Wood was destructive, while his Fire was protective.

Ah, Mo Weiyu, Mo Weiyu. Even your power betrays you.]

Burn, Pine, and Perish by moonqueenmaia

It’s been two days since Taxian-Jun’s last visit, and Mo Ran hasn’t touched Chu Wanning at all, beyond gentle and fleeting caresses. Chu Wanning decides to take matters into his own hands by surprising Mo Ran when he comes back to their home after a trip down the mountain.

it's no coincidence (it's a kitty-incidence) by lanzhan (gothguk)

There’s a white cat lounging in the middle of Mo Ran's bed.

to touch you with bare hands (even if it burns) by moonqueenmaia

Chu Wanning is a renowned professor of mechanical engineering at Sisheng Peak University. Beautiful, lonely, and talented beyond belief, he has spent his 32 years mostly by himself, silently and secretly yearning for affection and companionship. Yet Chu Wanning has resolved to himself that he will spend the rest of his life alone, no matter his hidden fantasies.

Enter Taxian-jun, an unruly, arrogant, and struggling student, fiery and domineering, who comes in and shatters the calm of Chu Wanning's life. They enter into an agreement, both burying their feelings underneath a storm of lust and lies. Yet amidst it all, something deeper may be helplessly and slowly blooming.

It is up to them to cultivate it, or destroy it for good.

cursed by devilsoupe

Chu Wanning and his disciples are sent to investigate an abandoned village, and Chu Wanning is hit with a curse.

Mo Ran was determined to treat his shizun respectfully in this life, but what choice does he have?

liar liar cock on fire by lofikv

I (32M) walked in on my roommate (23M) masturbating in our living room. Ever since then I couldn't erase the image of his penis in my mind but I found a sex toy online that is almost as big as him, so I bought it and tried it on myself so that I can imagine how he would feel inside me. I have also been romantically attracted to him ever since we started living together. How can I cope with this?

UPDATE: He caught me in the middle of an emergency.

(Absolute) Unit 311 by devilsoupe

Chu Wanning doesn't have a soulmark.

Neither does Mo Ran.

ducks entering highway by Sectionladvivi

Mo Ran finds out his well-respected, MILF-coded, tears-of-angels-tight-ass robotics professor moonlights as an erotic novelist. He immediately leverages this knowledge for an opportunity to play tonsil hockey.

to yearn by devilsoupe

Chu Wanning starts to cough up flowers. Taxian-Jun is angry. Chu Wanning is not allowed to die pining for someone else.

When it starts happening again in his second life, Mo Ran knows enough to worry.

from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom by Wildehack (tyleet)

Taxian Jun is the victim of a flower curse.

sticky fingers by fakeplasticlily

The man tosses the towel unceremoniously back at Mo Ran’s chest, like he’s personally offended by it. And the fact that his hands had just been all over said chest barely minutes earlier, maybe. “Please pack a box of egg tarts with extra custard filling, a box of red bean paste buns with extra syrup, a rice pudding with extra candied fruit garnish, and a box of osmanthus cakes with extra sweet pear jam.” Mo Ran’s eyes grow progressively wider as he lists the items. It’s him. Not the suburban mother of four, not the elderly guy dealing with a midlife crisis, but quite possibly the hottest guy he’s ever seen. Who also happens to have the highest sugar tolerance Mo Ran has seen in a human being in his two years of running this bakery.

Hard to Love The Lonely Night by bloodsongs

Chu Wanning glares up at him, adjusting his women’s robes. “Still, why couldn’t you have been the wife instead?”

Coughing politely, Mo Ran looks to the side, avoiding his gaze. “Shizun’s skills with the illusion barrier far surpass this humble disciple’s, and, well…”

He doesn’t need to complete his sentence—it’s infuriating, but Mo Ran is now taller than him, broader than him, larger than him. Very much so. The young sapling he raised in Sisheng Peak is now a full-fledged tree, a man built like the mountains Chu Wanning has seen in his travels.

Chu Wanning and Mo Ran pretend to be a married couple visiting a small mountain town to investigate some suspicious disappearances. Mini Canon AU casefic. Contains spoilers up to Chapter 130 or so of the novel.

Purple Ink by jeejaschocolate

Chu Wanning is a robotics engineer who lives a life of isolation and loneliness, only partially due to his chronic illness. Eventually he gets so sick that he requires the help of a full-time medical assistant.

Of course, these days, all those jobs are given to CyberLife androids.

Chu Wanning resents the android they give him. From his fiery eyes to his long black hair, to his incomparable tenderness and consideration for Wanning’s feelings.

He resents him. All the way until he falls in love with him.

Fallen Flowers in Swallows' Nests by bloodsongs

You deserve better—I refuse to disrespect you ever again. I want to be better. I must be better.

But I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know where Taxian-Jun ends and Mo-Zongshi begins.

I only know now that I cannot lie to myself: I want you so fiercely that I burn with it, I am consumed with the desire to make you mine and mine alone. To become one with you, feeling your fire twine with mine.

Or, Chu Wanning finds letters from Mo-Zongshi that were never shared with him.

These hitherto undiscovered letters cover a range of emotions that weren't present in the book he gifted his Shizun: contrition, yearning, and desire.

Counterpoint by senchafloat

Five years ago, Mo Ran was just a boy who loved playing piano—there were many things he didn't know. He didn't know how capricious and unforgiving the world of classical music could be. He didn't know just how lucky he was to have Chu Wanning as his teacher.

Five years later, Chu Wanning is now a renowned concert pianist, and Mo Ran is an upstart conducting student. When Chu Wanning shows up unannounced at his alma mater, Mo Ran has plenty of questions, along with a desire to prove his worth to his old teacher. But as it turns out, Chu Wanning isn't as invincible as he once seemed. As old secrets come up to the surface, the two of them are forced to reinvent the ways they'll make music together.

impatient to adore you by riverdanceeee

At some heartbreaking point in his life, Mo Ran accepted that Chu Wanning would never reciprocate his feelings, so he dealt with it as any other person would. He'd rid himself of his affection, respect their friendship, and learn to move on. But Mo Ran's affection runs too deep, and when any opportunity to spend time with Chu Wanning knocks on his door, he goes running to answer and accept. Even if it means he has to break up a potentially dangerous dog fighting ring.

To Bow Before A Willow Vine by bloodsongs

“I…” Mo Ran hadn’t thought that far. He shakes his head, lowering his head in deference, resting his forehead against Chu Wanning’s knuckles. "I'll do anything you want of me."

The silence stretches on for a beat too long.

"Anything?" Chu Wanning says eventually, tilting his head.

Written for 2Ha Week, Day 4: Reverse AU for the 0.5 timeline. When Chu Wanning storms Sisheng Peak and crowns himself the cultivation world's new emperor, Mo Ran trades his life for Xue Meng's. Contains spoilers for up to the end of the novel.

Call me by my name by rinsled05

When the man called Taxian-Jun arrives, years later, it’s the coming of a storm.

He sweeps into a dinner appointment between Chu Wanning and a client, clad in black, a smirk tugging at his mouth. Over the spark of irritation, Chu Wanning can’t help but admire his lean frame, the way his hair, cut rebelliously short, falls over smoldering, dark eyes. The way he towers over him, even when Chu Wanning rises to full height.

Chu Wanning’s heart races as Taxian-Jun leans in close, ignoring the shouts and gasps around them.

“Sakaki of Ran,” he purrs in their native tongue. “You’re mine.”

Chu Wanning lifts his chin. “I don’t know you.”

“You will,” Taxian-Jun says, and leaves.

In which Chu Wanning is a courtesan serving Chinese merchants in Nagasaki, Japan, and Taxian-Jun decides to make him his.

荷官牌型 ♠️ The Croupier's Hand by bloodsongs

In deep financial straits after losing his job as a teacher, a desperate Chu Wanning becomes a croupier at Sisheng's new casino.

The once sleepy town of Sisheng Peak grows busier by the day as the casino draws more and more tourists to their mountains. Consumed by his lingering regrets over the worst mistake of his life that destroyed his teaching career, Chu Wanning is too distracted to worry about anything else but his next shift, his next paycheck.

Except that's when Mo Ran, the reason Chu Wanning lost everything, returns to Sisheng Peak.

As the heir to the casino.

White Rabbit Club by minkit

Desperate to rid himself of a few pesky things called virginity and desire, Chu Wanning waltzes into a world he knows little about and right into the embrace of a mysterious stranger who reminds him of the student he's been dreaming about all year. The lust fueled dreams his student stars in are the very reason Chu Wanning applied to the sex club in the first place, and now he's desperate to get rid of these filthy impulses once and for all.

Congratulations, Chu Wanning, on your acceptance into the White Rabbit Club. We hope you enjoy your stay.

Risk and Restraint by purloinedinpetrograd

There is nobody Mo Ran works with who does not love him. He’s worked hard to cultivate this image while he climbs the corporate ladder at Sisheng, and it’s paid off in dividends. He’s in every WeChat group. He can call in favors with any division of any department. He can make even the tightest of deadlines relax their stranglehold on his team.

That is, there is nobody except, of course, Chu Wanning.

A Lingering Sweetness by theherocomplex

Chu Wanning is now all too aware of what he looks like: a dry stick of a man, never handsome, angular and cold and pale. A drab, short-tempered creature, as appealing as a splinter in one's foot. But Mo Ran looks at him as if he will never get his fill, and part of Chu Wanning thinks, What if —?

At the end of the line by PearlAquaBlue

“So … I reckon someone thought you needed to loosen up a little bit. Now that you’re here, want to try it?”

Chu Wanning hangs up. Throws her phone on her pillow with a disgusted glare after it. Stands up and paces to the kitchen in long, angry strides. Her cheeks are burning. With trembling fingers, she grabs a glass and pours herself some water, gulping it down in one go. It doesn’t help much. She grips the kitchen counter tightly, then marches back into the bedroom to glare at the phone again. Her fingertips itch, and it’s as if some kind of magnetic force draws her closer and closer to her bed until her fingertips are but an inch away from that tempting black mirror. Before she knows it, she’s unlocked it unsteadily and pressed “repeat” on the last call.

“Welcome to Sisheng Peak – ”

“And what would that entail?” she asks, a little too breathless.

Let's Fall in Love for the Night by purloinedinpetrograd

Chu Wanning could only stare in horror as a large cloud of sickeningly yellow pollen rose from the field, blanketing the place where Mo Ran stood in a heavy fog. “Um,” he said lamely.

“Fuck,” Mo Ran cursed, and Chu Wanning didn’t even have the heart to chastise him for his coarse language, because he was too preoccupied wrestling the surge of fear at seeing his disciple disappear behind the haze of that indeterminately threatening dust.

A million terrible possibilities raced through his mind, each one more dramatic and gruesome than the last. His heart hammered against his ribcage, threatening to crack the bones. “Mo Ran,” he said slowly, “I think you should tell me what that does, now.”

Xue Zhengyong sends Chu Wanning and Mo Ran on a mission to find a specific ingredient for some concoction of his wife’s. Chu Wanning is torn between rejoicing at the chance to spend time alone with Mo Ran... and grieving over the very same thing.

But, well, it’s just flowers. What could go wrong, right? (Spoiler alert: it’s sex pollen.)

the day dawns in your hues by localshabba

2ha Week 2020 Day 1 prompt - Haitang

---

Schoolteacher Mo Ran is having an ordinary day until he has an awkward encounter with the notoriously rigid school librarian, which leads to the start of something new.

Also features: flowers, dinosaurs and lots of tenderness and pining.

helping hands by verity

When Mo Ran was but a young, innocent, virtuous grad student—well, one of those things—she built that couch from a flatpack box with her own two hands. Over the years, the smell of polyester and cheap foam padding has given way to an equally aromatic blend of Chu Wanning's haitang blossom perfume, spilled coffee, and white lithium grease. Chu Wanning herself is always perfectly dressed without a stain in sight. Even right now, her head tucked onto one folded arm, the other loosely gripping her tablet, she looks so formal.

Mo Ran gently rests a hand on Chu Wanning's socked ankle where it peeks out of those tailored white trousers. She really should behave herself.

She really should... behave herself...

in plain sight by localshabba

Written for a prompt fill in the 2ha Kink Meme.

---

"I have a surprise," Mo Ran breathed, coming to stand so close behind him that his breath landed on Chu Wanning's nape. Not touching Chu Wanning any other way, because he likes to make Chu Wanning lean back just a little bit, to seek out that contact himself.

"I think Chu-laoshi will enjoy it."

Chu Wanning is sure he agreed to the whole idea; he's just unclear on when. Things got hazy around the point when Mo Ran turned him around by the shoulders, got down on his knees and...well. Apparently he'd skipped breakfast that morning.

When he returned to his senses, his clothes were all neatly tucked into place, not a stain on them, and a charmingly pink sexual aid was nestled comfortably up his--ahem, inside him.

---

Now available in Spanish!

casually acquainted by tagteamme

Chu Wanning knows what he is and what he isn’t. And where he lacks in pleasantries and outward appeal, he makes up for in untouchable grace and dignity.

It threatens to unravel once he meets a familiar face in an unfamiliar city.

“So quick to run away from me, Chu-laoshi,” Mo Ran says, voice gently teasing as Chu Wanning refuses to make eye contact with him. “After you came all the way from…”

He trails off, waiting for Chu Wanning to let him know, but he sees the map open on Chu Wanning’s phone and grins wider. “You want directions?”

Chu Wanning clears his throat, and shakes his head. He should say something— instead, he stays silent as he looks down at his phone and punches in the hotel name again.

Happily, his phone tells him to try again when he has signal.

The Right Hand of Light by gedsparrowhawk (FaceChanger)

Chu Wanning is asleep on the bed, clutching his hands tightly to his chest and curled in on himself. He’s still wearing the same robes he was in in the water prison. On the writing desk, a bowl of water and clean linen for bandages sit untouched, and a tub of bathwater has cooled without being used. Mo Ran sighs to himself. Wanning is truly hopeless.

He sits on the side of the bed and touches Chu Wanning’s shoulder. “Wanning,” he says. “Wanning, wake up.”

---

Rare 0.5 tenderness, after the water prison.

nothing can consume you by tagteamme

Mo Ran’s violent history has never had to catch up to him.

It’s already embedded itself into him as scars on his body, as a tattoo on his forearm, as the lingering taste of blood in his sleep and finally, as the searing brand pressed against his chest before he’s thrown into the sea as punishment. He knows that this is where all his chances come to an end.

But as the deep fathom of the water swallows him up, something else saves him and pulls him to a tiny cove tucked away off the coast of an overlooked port town. When he wakes up under the care of a mythical creature wearing a familiar face, an even older and more distant past finally finds him.

#ranwan #2ha #erha #chu wanning #mo ran #2ha recs #fic recs #2ha spoilers

383 notes · View notes

deidearly · 3 years

Text

Kakashi Relationship Headcanons

Guess who’s back with another relationship headcanon today? And as usual, I had a good time writing this one even got slightly carried away, hehe. Enjoy! XX.

Well— Hatake Kakashi, huh? Dating him would be such a roller coaster ride, tbh. It’s like, one moment he’s so clingy, fragile, so afraid of losing you— but one moment he’s like, “Just do what you need to do. I don’t really care.” This is due to the fact that he’s got a lot of things in his mind and occasionally struggled to sort out his priorities.

Anyway, of course you’ve complained about his ‘reading-smut-in-public’ issue, especially when you’re together. You two would come up with an agreement somehow. But to piss you off, he’d pretend like you’re the one who’s obsessed with reading smuts.

You’re browsing for some important books and he playfully yelled, “Y/N! Come here, it’s your favorite book— Icha Icha Tactics! My, I know you’ve had four books, but another one won’t hurt, right? Since you love it that much!” making everyone in the bookstore giggled.

He received “Y/N Signature Punch” that day.

To your surprise, he’s not very secretive about his relationship with you. In fact, you’ve caught him frequently use you as an excuse for him to escape some unwanted occasions.

Let’s say Gai was asking Kakashi to fight him like usual— and he wasn’t having it that day. “Gai, with all respect— I would gladly accept your challenge. But can’t you feel the springtime of romance youth is blooming? I must see Y/N immediately.”

Gai’s tearing up.

Don’t worry, he actually went to your place.

“Yo. Can we hang out? I just told Gai that I would come to your place. Please say ‘yes’ to make me less of a jerk, will you?”

Would totally show up in front of your place at an ungodly hour.

At first it surprised you but now you’re used to it.

You just finished your mission, it went pretty well but you felt there were some wasted chances due to your captain’s miscalculation. It’s nearly 2 AM but you caught yourself wide awake, reviewing back your battle– only to got distracted by a knock on your bedroom’s window. Instead of turning your head in surprise, you already knew who it was. To have a little fun for yourself, you ignored the sound, which was later followed by a second knock. Walking over to the window, you saw a silver-haired man with a mask. Although half of his face was covered, it’s obvious that a smile was apparent. “Yo.” he greeted, but you replied with a sigh. “You could actually knock on the door and I’d let you in through the door. It’s something normal people would do, Kakashi.” you grumbled, opening the window for him to get in. “Ah, spare me the lecture!”

So, reverse psychology works best for Kakashi. Like the Icha Icha Tactics– the more you ignore his behavior, he would actually try not to read his book in public like you told him to. But the more you complain, he’d read it in places where he shouldn’t be reading it at all. This method works in almost every cases.

You’ve been dating for weeks, but you haven’t seen his face.

Yes, when kissing, too.

You’ve had enough of kissing fabric.

You had planned to make a dinner together at his place. He was preparing the dishes and you’re about to finish your cooking, when he suddenly asked, “Hey, Y/N. Have you ever wondered what would I look like under this mask?” You were dying to know actually. So, now you’re stuck with two options: (a) be honest about it, (b) pull out another reverse psychological answer— and you chose the latter. “Huh? Not really,” you shrugged, “I don’t really care so it’s not like I’m eager to see it.” and of course, this was a lie. Kakashi went silent for a while. “Anyway, dinner’s re—“ you swore you could’ve dropped the whole pan when you saw an unfamiliar presence. “Kakashi?” you asked hesitantly. The man looked up with a questioning look, “Why are you blushing?” he replied casually.

“ANYONE WITH A DECENT EYESIGHT WOULD BLUSH TOO, YOU STUPID.”

He’s honestly so heavenly to look at.

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to see his whole face, you thought.

It’s safe to say that it’s a privilege to be able to see his face. But due to his immense charm, you’d prefer to have him with a mask on.

“Y/N, I feel naked without my mask—“ , “And I honestly feel like I’m being forced to see an illicit nudity, too. Put your mask on, it’s fine honestly.”

He’s been very good at his job for almost his whole life, a fine shinobi. So, he’s rarely exposed to mundane things, moreover a relationship. Thus, making him quite restrained in expressing himself. Plus, he was labelled with some negative titles, saying how cold-blooded he was and he just decided to live with it. This, obviously, requires a lot of patience.

But he’s determined to change, the first step he took was letting you in— into his life.

It started rocky, though.

He’d say something like how he didn’t care much about you and sadly, he really didn’t.

But as the time went by he realized how your presence has been the one that helped him through it. How you’ve always been there to comfort him, by listening to him, giving him a lot of supports, or simply by reminding him that he’s not completely alone.

And when that moment came, he’s sworn to protect you with all his might.

He had a lot of nightmares, he still does, unfortunately. But when you’re around, your presence eases him up a little.

When you’re not around, however, he’d rather spend all night unhealthily tiring himself until he fall asleep.

His personal favorite would be curling up next to you with his hand around your waist while hiding his face near the crook of your neck as he’s giving you some soft neck kisses.

Again, NECK KISSES.

He had a hard time trying to open up himself fully to you and this applies to romantic gestures, I believe. He surely would take his time to explore you, what you like, and what he likes.

Would shower you with kisses, all over your face without missing a spot. He greatly admires every inches of yourself.

Body worship, oof.

Lowkey (semi highkey) protective.

Lowkey (semi highkey) a show-off.

Would straight up jump to save you if it’s necessary.

And since he’s a show-off, he lowkey loves PDA— but the soft ones, of course. You two would always get spotted together. He would casually sling his arm around your shoulder or lazily has his hand wrapped around your waist.

Favorite time to spend with you is training together. No matter how many times you’ve told him to “fight with an intent to win” he simply refuses— saying how, he’s “far too powerful” for you.

But deep down he just doesn’t want to hurt you…

Chatting in the middle of a training

“Tsunade-sama hasn’t assigned me any missions lately *throws kunai*” , “Maybe if you threw your kunai accurately, she will. *dodge kunai*” , “Kakashi, shut your pretty mouth up. *throws MORE kunai aggressively*”

When you turned him down while he was showing off his new tricks, though, it weirdly turned him on.

He loves someone powerful, with a right amount of cocky.

Doesn’t talk big. He’s a man of action— his action speaks louder than words!

Doesn’t spoil you that much, though. Because it’s actually him who needs to be spoiled.

Really loves it when you trace your fingers all over his skin— it’s intimately soft, he claimed.

LOVES YOUR SCENT. Has it memorized probably.

He’d prefer someone independent. Someone who could actually take care of themselves instead of relying on him completely.

Anyone too childish would remind him of Team 7, tbh.

Speaking of Team 7, they would probably be the one to get introduced to you.

Naruto was so shocked to find out that his sensei was capable to develop a romantic feeling towards someone. But he had his doubt— do you really know Kakashi? He started to bombard you with questions to test your knowledge.

“So, do you know what’s Kakashi Sensei’s favorite—“ , “I’ve seen his face. Multiple times.” , “YOU WHAT?”

Complained and sulked about it, “Kakashi Sensei, we’ve trained together for years. How could you?!”

Sakura was confused.

“How? I know he’s probably very handsome under that mask but come on, Y/N, reading smut in public? That’s an absolute no.”

On the contrary, Sasuke was thrilled, internally.

“Yeah. Finally. Old man has someone to annoy besides us. About time.”

He has a pretty bad behavior, too. Unlike Gaara, who’d put an emotionless facade when he’s only in the Kazekage mode, Kakashi would treat you just how he feels like doing it that day.

Let’s be real, he has so many bottled up feelings inside his heart so it’s not a surprise that someday, somehow, a random painful emotion just hit him— hard, and he shut himself out.

The hospital is the place you immediately visit right after Kakashi’s arrival after a mission because you know he’d be there— reading his book with a few bruises here and there. But this time was a bit different. When he’s hospitalized, he would whine about you not being able to stay more than an hour— but right now you’re puzzled, since he’s been completely silent and avoiding you, answering your questions with a mere shrugs.

Tsunade told you that the mission went pretty well, thanks to Kakashi for eliminating all the enemies on the field, singlehandedly. You automatically knew that it must brought up his past traumas. “Kakashi, it’s not your fault.” you decided to speak, earning a glance from Kakashi, but that’s it. “It’s a mission and you protected all of your comrades!”

“I killed them, Y/N. I didn’t have to, but I did.” he said, with his eyes still glued elsewhere. “Every time I look at my hands, I feel dirty. It reminded me of that—“, “Kakashi, look at me.”

You moved closer to his bed, reaching out your hand and traced your fingers softly on his face. His cheeks were cold, and you could clearly see how he was slightly trembling with teary eyes. “Kakashi, if you didn’t do it— it could’ve been your own comrades. Now they’re safe and sound, thanks to you.”, you paused as he slowly began to move his sight to you. “And if I could meet you way sooner, I would remind you every day that it’s never your fault— it’s never been. You’re a good person, Kakashi. I, and all of us, are forever thankful for the things you’ve done.” you whispered, now wiping a few tears that fell down to his cheeks. A weak smile started to bloom, “I’m forever thankful for you as well, Y/N.”

#naruto #boruto #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #kakashi x reader #kakashi x y/n #kakashi headcanons #kakashi imagines #headcanons #kakashi

364 notes · View notes

sophiapathic · 3 years

Text

Sk8: The Infinity - A Take on Love

Because my six unfinished assignments can wait until I throw this into the void, scream for five hours and after my voice gets hoarse, I resort to watching the beach episode on loop until next Saturday.

This was entirely sparked by the recap episode, which really pressed the reak havoc and theorize button in my brain. I am truly losing my grip on reality. Help. I apologize in advance, creatures of Tumblr.

Me right now:

Anyways...

I saw people mention here and there screaming that “we need canon relationships and they will get trust issues if a romance isn’t confirmed by the end of the series”. I think that mindset is harmful to have in this case. You can’t really avoid being disappointed if you get into the series expecting it to deliver on your wishes of gay romances. So, this might be controversial, but stay with me please. The anime and manga are both confirmed to be based primarily about the characters themselves and of course the sport -skating. I was hoping to take a closer look at what the series intends to do with certain dynamics and relationships according to yours truly. I also want explain my reasoning behind it not being queerbaiting, though it being inherently queer-coded, through the current lense of the canon.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story.

We need to state the genres this series is in, because some of us tend to forget. It is in fact not a shounen-ai, not a yaoi, not a romance, not even a josei. Say it with me it is a series in: COMEDY and SPORTS.

(Source is the official US Sk8 website.) The spotlight is udoubtedly on skating and what it means. Another important highlight of the show is how the definition of the sport relates to the characters, and how vastly different they are from what we expect. For example, when we see Shadow first, we pigeonhole him into this vulgar indecent rock and roll persona, only to find out later that he is actually a stweetheart at a flower shop. Joe is another very good case study. When we first see him we think of him as a womanizer muscle-head, later we find out he has a heart of gold and is very emotionally intelligent. We’re also quick to judge Miya as the cold, unfeeling prodigy then we discover how lonely and normal he is on the inside. And so on and so on.

The show continues to defy our expectations of what each character should be like. In a way it is about breaking the conventional stereotypical roles we subconsciously assign to certain looks. We see that even in anime, multifaceted characters can exist without distrupting or damaging the delicate dynamics of a traditional sports anime. We successfully established the second focal point of the series as disproving stereotypes and presenting strong, diverse and unexpected personalities.

How about the defition of skating? What does it mean in the context of Sk8: The Infinity then? Where does a love story come into the picture? Skating is repeatedly described as a ritual of love within the anime, an idea that our villian, Ad*m, is obessed with. In a sense skating is a language of love canonically.

Then skating itself is love. Throughout the series we see varied styles of skating therefore different ways of expressing love, affection. We get to experience several metaphorical ways of “being in love” through characters skating with each other. Each dynamic shows us a type of love. Healthy, disfunctional, outright abusive.

The way Reiki teaches Langa to skate can be interpreted as a direct metaphor for someone learning to love again after losing a person close to them. Langa’s father has died and Reiki literally brings him out of his shell again. It can also be interpreted as a queer kid’s experience of a world of romance that feels similar to his previous one, that being snowboarding, yet it still being new and different. Skateboarding. When due to Reiki Langa’s potential is discovered and his hunger for more and more develops, especially next to Ad*m, Reiki’s main frustration stems from them not being well-matched or on equal footing anymore. He feels like he cannot give Langa what he needs anymore. Which would obviously go againts the literal description of a healthy romance. Two people with mutual respect who both bring equal assets to the table. He feels like he needs to catch-up to be with Langa again. The only thing he doesn’t consider is Langa’s deep appreciation of him and the fact that literally he was the one who helped Langa experince the feeling of love again.

Kojiro and Kaoru’s relationships, to me, is very much representative of two people wanting to be in each other’s presence, but due to their different language of love, miscommunicating horribly. Them bantering and insulting each other is the only way they know what to do with the other. The only way they can ensure the other’s attention and eyes are on them. This has worked so far. They are literal opposites, but both have a very clear definition of their form of love. To Joe skating, or love itself, is about the feeling and going with the flow. Being spontaneous. Whereas for Cherry, every move needs to be calculated and executed perfectly in order to be “efficient”. Their frustration comes from both wanting different things from the other, but not communicating their need properly. Despite this, they stick together due to a magnetic pull they obviously feel towards the other. The attraction is there, the trust is there, they are even well-matched in skill as we see them neck-to-neck constantly. They could give each other what the other wants. Only if they could express themselves well... This is why Joe pushes Reiki towards reconciling with Langa. he wants them to not fall into the same trap of not stating their needs and thoughts properly.

Now Ad*m and Langa are obviously problematic and I don’t really want to have to explain, honestly guys. I really don’t (since I have trauma regarding this subject), but I need to go into this a little bit. This is a textbook toxic predatory relationship. Where the older, twisted, damaged person, has an obsession with a young, outstading child. He wants to lead him into “Paradise” and show his “Eve” what love is really about. (Ain’t that disgusting you guys...) His form of love is inflicting pain, so I really can’t imagine a scenario where he and his “Eve” live happily ever after and everything is fine and dandy. He needs someone who he can torture. He literally is looking for someone who can handle his way of expressing affection, his “love hug”, who has the same type of crazy eyes for adrenaline and danger. His Eve. In his distorted mind, this all makes sense and Langa is that someone he was looking for thoughout the years. The problem is, he disregards Langa’s side where the relationship becomes problematic.

Cherry and Ad*m during their younger years seems to be a very innocent infatuation on Kaoru’s end. It is a one-sided relationship where someone is in love with the idea of a person long gone. They were discovering the world of skating, or the world of love together with Ad*m taking the lead. Cherry immediately became infatuated with him, wanted to learn his love language, wanted to be at the same level he was. It probably started very innocent. At first, Ad*m being gentle, because that’s how Tadashi was with him too, then after whatever happened between those two, Ad*m, disappointed in the way of love, or skating, Tadashi showed him, returned to what his aunts taught him. Maybe after injuring Kaoru with the “love hug”, therefore eliminating him from being his potential partner, started looking for his “Eve”, gradually became more agressive in love as in skating. Kaoru was distraught and wanted the Ad*m he originally learned love from back. Holding out some hope even years after. Trained to get used to his “love hug”, to literally condition himself to be able to get close to him. Ad*m, however showed Cherry brutally that he truly cannot handle his way of love.

Ad*m and Tadashi. *sighs* As of this post, I don’t really have enough information to give you a good overview of what I see this relationship representing. As far as I can tell Ad*m was abused horribly and to ease the pain and make him forget, Tadashi showed his another way of expressing affection. Skating or love. Basically a first love gone horrible bad, scarring an already abused child and turning them into a monster. Tadashi himself reinstates this during one of the episodes. It was his fault that Ad*m turned out the way he did. Their love slowly became strongly abusive throughout the years. Tadashi is stuck in it because he feels like he deserves it. This is a metaphor for dangers of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, where one person feels responsible and the other is using power. Tadashi’s guilt keeps him next to his master and he even endures abuse, now he is trying to break out and show Ad*m he messed up and I think this could potentially be a good representation of how difficult that process truly is.

As far as Reiki’s, Miya’s, Shadow’s skating goes. Their main arc relating to love is first and foremost learning to accept themselves and aprecciating their uniqe way and style of skating. Only after can they become people who can truly be accomplished in love/skating (in Miya’s case I’m obviously talking about platonic feelings). Each of them had a preconception of their persona in love/skating, which gets questioned heavily throughout the series. Miya gets defeated, Shadow’s soft side gets discovered, Reiki... well. I get sad. :c Even though he taught someone to love again, to appreciate life again, he ended up discovering how dissatisfied he truly is with himself... These three all need to learn to love every aspect of themselves to reach fulfillment and to really experience healthy human relationships.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story, without explicitly being a romance, meaning that it is a tale about love, both romantic, platonic and everything inbetween through a queer-coded lens, showing both dysfunctional, abusive and healthy relationships, ways to express emotions and even delves into self-love and the idea of nature versus nurture in the villian’s case.

That is why I, personally don’t scream for a canon couple. To me, the show gets its main point about affection and love across, without making any of these relationships explicitly stated. Not to mention that it does justice to both of its assigned genres. Comedy and Sports as well. Yeah sure, I wouldn’t complain, but I think these dynamics are more than satisfying to watch, and much deeper than bishounens wanting to bang each other, which is, in my opinion, inherently sexualized. If they want, yeah they can confirm, make it canon without forcing it to be a center storyline. Hell, I would even be happy about it. I would clap with all of us. BUT, as the series currently is, I really see it taking the other route because of the above. This way audiences who want a yaoi or ikemen going at it, won’t be disappointed with the series when they find doesn’t revolve around that, straight viewers will just find it flamboyant, and people who look for subtext and want to read between the lines will certainly do that with the amount of crumbs and hints the writers gave us.

We don’t need outright, written in black and white gay representation in Sk8 to experience very real types of love. The queer theme is secondary to me, just like queerness is, in most people’s lives. Yeah sure, it is a big thing, but not the only attribute a person has. My life doesn’t revolve around my queerness. I rarely talk about it. If I was a main character this would be a side-arc. Just like Sk8 doesn’t revolve around the characters coming out. It’s just them living their lives and possibly being queer while doing so. If you look at it this way, it is almost normalizing attraction between same-sex people by just showing it as regular love. If you can, why not interpret it this way, so it can be a liberating experience instead of a disappointing one.

Please don’t attack me! I am fragile and this is only my opinion. c: *crawls back into her hole*

#sk8 cherry blossom #sk8 joe #sk8 the infinity #sk8 theory #sk8 langa #reiki kyan #langa hasegawa #kaoru sakurayashiki #kojiro nanjo #ad*m #tadashi #matcha blossom #renga #ranga #langa x reki #cherry blossom x joe #essay

619 notes · View notes

oliviajdjarin · 3 years

Text

Chapter 16: An Understanding

Warnings: this one really isn’t bad, just a droid death and sappiness.

Author’s Note: Thank you to anyone who has supported this. We are almost there!

(If this is your gif please lmk!)

The sweet moment between the three of you was quickly ruined by a distant explosion, so the Mandalorian woman quickly rushed you all out after she quickly gave Mando a gift.

A Mandalorian jet-pack.

You had seen other Mandalorians use them in the past, and Mando seemed incredibly honored to have one, so if Mando was happy, you were happy.

The team followed the tunnel towards the smell of sulfur, trying your best to track the lava flats. You didn’t have much of choice. That was the only way out.

As you walked down the tunnels, you held the sleeping child in your arms, keeping him close to you. Mando walked next to you, stealing glances at you as you walked. You would glance back, but he would always face forward once more, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t starring. You would always smile at him when he would turn away, obviously embarrassed.

Who knew you could make a beskar covered warrior like that be embarrassed?

You felt at peace. At home. For once you actually had one. You didn’t even know how to describe the feeling. It’s like your anxious brain and beating heart finally subsided. Like your body relaxed, and you had nothing to fear. Sure, the team was still stuck in these tunnels and the exit would be swarming with stormtroopers, but you had backup. A team. A clan.

It felt like a new start.

Once you finally made it to the river’s edge, a boat was leaned up against the land. It had obviously seen better days and the droid inside hadn’t been used in a long time.

Great.

Mando and Karga tried pushing the boat, but that did no use, so Cara raised her rifle and shot the boat free from the hardened lava.

You smiled at her and chuckled, thinking about the fact she had outsmarted a Mandalorian and a well known Guild member. You were not surprised in the slightest.

You could’ve sworn she laughed back.

Everyone climbed into the boat, and by some miracle, the droid inside sputtered to life. It stood up, raising its paddle and dropping it into the orange liquid beside it. It then said some droid gibberish, which IG-11 presumed was a request.

“I believe he is asking where we would like to go,” IG said.

“Downriver. To the lava flats,” Karga said, and the droid set to paddling.

Mando was to your left, while Cara was at your right. The child had woken up once more, using his energy to chew on your thumb. Mando brought his hand up to his helmet, activating the thermal scanners.

“That’s it,” Karga yelled, pointing to the growing light coming from the end of the tunnel.

“We’re free!”

It had been a long time since you had heard something like that.

“No,” Mando said, squashing your elated mood.

“Stormtroopers. They’re flanking the mouth of the tunnel. They must know we are coming.”

“Stop the boat,” you said sternly to the ferry droid. The droid, however, gave no sign that he actually heard you.

“Hey,” Cara said firmly, walking up to the droid.

“She said stop the boat,” she said before shooting the droid’s head off.

You appreciated Cara’s act of defense for you, you really did, but it didn’t do any good. The boat kept moving.

There was no other way. You had to stand and fight.

You pulled your longspear from your back and tucked the child deeper into your arms. You had fought stormtroopers before, why would this time be any different?

“They will not be satisfied with anything less than the child,” IG said, and you turned your head to look back at him. Your confused expression accurately represented the feelings of the rest of the group as well.

“This is unacceptable. I will eliminate the enemy, and you will escape.”

“You don’t have that kind of firepower pal,” Mando said in reply.

“You wouldn’t even get to daylight.”

“That is not my objective,” said the droid. “I still have the security protocols from my manufacturer. If my designs are compromised, I must self-destruct.”

“What?” you asked the droid.

“I am not permitted to be captured. I must be destroyed.”

The droid looked at Mando and said, “Sadly, there is no scenario where the child is saved in which I survive.”

“No,” Mando said, moving closer to the droid.

“You’re not going anywhere. We need you.”

“Please tell me the child will be safe in your care,” the droid said, now looking at both you and Mando.

“But you will be destroyed-” you began to say.

“And you will live,” IG said. “I will have served my purpose.”

He looked to Mando and said, “There is nothing to be sad about.”

“I’m not…. sad,” Mando said, but you were no where near convinced. His voice was the only way for you to humanize him, and emotions were very easily traced on the voice. When you can’t see someone’s face, the voice is all they have. You had gotten good at that.

It seemed IG had gotten good at it too.

“Yes, you are. I’m a nurse droid. I have analyzed your voice,” IG said before coming to the child and brushing his hand along his forehead.

No matter how little Mando wanted to deny it, the droid was your saving grace.

The droid then stepped into the boiling lava, and started making its way down towards the exit.

You watched the droid with wide and curious eyes. You had never seen a droid be so… selfless. You had always seen droids as mindless robots who only acted out of survival, but this one gave its life for you.

You wished you could repay him somehow.

When the detonator on the droid finally exploded, the child in your arms lifted his ears and watched. Even though the droid had been there for a small time, he was still the reason you and the child were alive. It seemed like the kid was loosing a friend.

You could see the pain in his eyes, and you wished you could take it all away from him and put it into your own.

Once the boat finally drifted into the tunnel, you saw the bodies of the stormtroopers on either side of the bank.

Maybe this actually… worked?

But, like many… many… times before, the scream of a tie fighter ruined all chances of an easy departure.

“Moff Gideon!” Cara shouted before raising her blaster and shooting at the aircraft. Mando and Karga immediately joined her, while you used your longspear to shield you and the child from any blaster fire.

The ship’s canons rained fire on the group for a couple seconds before the ship went roaring completely over your heads.

“He missed,” Karga said in relief.

“He won’t next time,” Mando said. The ship was already starting to turn back around.

“He mentioned he knew you,” Mando said to you, referring to when he was trapped in the town not even an hour before this.

“Yeah….” you said.

“I’ve pissed him off,” you chuckled out, and Mando looked at you with a breathy laugh as well.

“Hey,” Karga said suddenly. “Let’s have the kid do the magic hand thing.”

Oh great, you thought to yourself.

“Come on baby! Do the magic hand thing,” Karga said to the kid while wiggling his fingers.

The child only giggled in your arms and waved back, and you let a light chuckle come out of your nose.

“I’m out of ideas,” Karga said.

“I’m not,” Mando said, turning around to get the jet-pack from the boat.

You watched him walk away with a slight smirk on your face. You believed in Mando more than anyone, and you prayed he had enough training to know how to use that thing.

You saw the tie fighter making its way back to you through the corner of your eye, but you continued to watch Mando. He attached the pack to his back and then locked eyes with you before shooting into the sky like a rocket.

You watched him with a beating heart as he flew right in front of the tie fighter, allowing it to go under his feet. He then hooked his grappling cable onto the wing and used the jet pack to propel himself onto the cockpit window.

Even though you were scared out of your mind, you still managed to smile at the sight above you.

Your Mandalorian was incredible.

Mando’s blaster did almost no damage to the cockpit door before Moff Gideon jerked the ship to the left. The ship was starting to spiral, and your awe quickly turned into worry.

Mando was holding on with everything he had.

He all of a sudden let go and went soaring through the air. The left side of the ship completely exploded, which sent the ship careening to the ground. It burst into smoke on impact.

Barely a second later, your Mandalorian landed before you in a slight crouch, before standing to his full height.

The smile on your face said it all.

He chuckled slightly at your shocked and happy expression before taking the child from you and holding him in his arms. You walked to stand beside him and stare up to his face, proud and joyful.

You got a Mandalorian.

Karga and Cara stood before you two with equally shocked expressions

“That was impressive Mando,” Karga said. “It looks like your Guild rates have just gone up.”

You grinned at Karga, enjoying his little tease.

“Any more stormtroopers?” Mando asked.

“I think we cleared the town,” Cara said with a laugh. “I’m thinking of staying around just to be sure.”

“You’re staying here?” Mando asked, equally confused as you were.

“Well, why not?” Karga asked. “Nevarro is a very fine planet, and now that the scum and villainy have been washed away, it’s very respectable again.”

“As a bounty hunter hive?” Mando asked, and you once again giggled at his bluntness.

“Some of my favorite people are bounty hunters,” Karga said with a bit of a chuckle.

“And perhaps”- he said while placing a hand on Cara’s shoulder- “this specimen of a soldier might consider joining our ranks.”

“And you, my friend”- he said while turning his attention back to Mando -“will be welcomed back into the Guild with open arms.”

Mando looked to the child in his arms, beaming up at him with utter adoration. He then looked to you at his side, and you gave him a smile that said I’m with you. With whatever you choose.

“I’m afraid I have more pressing mattors at hand,” he said, turning his head back to the child.

“Well you better keep watch of this one,” Karga said to Mando while gesturing to you.

“She could take your place at the Guild in a second,” he says, while snapping his fingers for emphasis.

“And she would do a damn good job,” he says, and you laugh in reply.

Mando gives a slight nod in agreement which only makes you laugh harder.

You can’t recall ever laughing this hard.

“Y/n,” Cara says, and you divert your attention back to her.

She is trying to look at you, but she just can’t meet your gaze.

“Listen… I… I’m really sorry. The Empire hurt me a lot and I just couldn’t…” she chokes out.

You could tell she was trying to apologize to you. For when your identity got revealed, for doubting your loyalty, or anything in between. She was obviously struggling, so you decided to help her along.

“Cara,” you said, and her eyes met yours.

“Your reaction was perfectly understandable. Truly. There is nothing to be sorry for,” you say, and a flash of relief skates over her eyes.

“I just saw how you were with Mando and the kid today and I…. I owed you an apology,” she said, and you smiled at her.

“Thank you, Cara. I’m glad we could come to an understanding,” you respond, and she smiles back at you. A genuine, relieved smile.

“As am I,” she says while leaning forward to caress the child’s ear.

“Take care of this little one,” Cara said to you and Mando. You gave her a respectful nod, acting as a promise that you would.

“Or maybe,” Karga added, “it will take care of you.”

You looked to Mando with a light smile, and you could tell he was grinning too.

The weight of guilt and shame had been lifted off of you. The people you cared for most forgave you. They looked at what you did right in the eyes, but looked past it, and saw you. You were sure it would take some time for them to completely trust you, but they were willing to try.

You couldn’t ask for anything more.

Tag list:

@leahkenobi @pinkninja200 @farfromjustordinary @440mxs-wife @bookloverfilmoholic @impala1967666

#din djarin #din djarin fluff #din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #mando #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you

184 notes · View notes