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zeldasnotes · 1 year

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PLUTO NOTES

MOON NOTES VENUS NOTES MARS NOTES NEPTUNE NOTES

Plutonians and 8th housers can have a hard time with people being behind them. Also in the classroom, the bus or wherever they are they want to be in the back. They need their face facing the door so that they can see who walks in.

People with Pluto/Moon see stuff that other people just dont get to see. This is both good and bad. They get to experience intense and wonderful sexual relationships with others because they merge with others on a completely different level but they also recieve intense hatred from others too.

Dont ever mess with a Sun Square Pluto persons image or disrespect them infront of others, just dont.

Ive never met a person with Sun or Mercury Square Pluto who wasnt extremely strategic and calculating. They know when its time to leave the party.

If you have Venus/Pluto or Venus 8th house dont ever share to others who you are in love with. Just dont.

If you have Venus/Pluto or Venus 8th house and you notice people being completely taken by you, complimenting you bla bla for your beauty dont get all friendly and start trusting these people. Just wait and you will see that admiration turn to bitterness. A friend in my old class in High School got Venus Square Pluto and we had to watch another girl in our class try to BECOME her. Like she would buy the same clothes as her, talk like her, freaking SIT like her, cut her hair like her. We laughed at this bc the copycat was a nice and funny girl in general but it was creepy.

Most people with harsh Pluto aspects went through a time in their life where they shut down their feelings completely and became cold. These peoples minds can take them to dark places when they have been through trauma. Their first response to trauma might be to get cold. And this can make them very problematic until they heal. But when they heal they are the kindest, because they know pain.

When I hear the quote ”I didnt want to be strong I wanted to be happy.” I think of Pluto dominant people. Yes plutonians are strong but they were forced to, there was no other choice. Telling Plutonians ”But it made you stronger in the end” does not help because being strong was not their goal.

Ive seen Ceres(1) Square Pluto in a lot of charts of people who are obsessed with fitness and nutrition. Like people who weight their food, only eat a specific amount of calories etc.

Pluto/Moon people go through periods of extreme emotional turmoil. Especially the Square and Conjunction.

People with Sun or Moon Square Pluto always get what they want but they also get what they fear. Their feelings and thoughts are so strong. These people have experienced their worst fears happen to them. The kind of people to think for themselves ”I wouldnt be able to handle losing my bestfriend” and the next day their bestie leaves them for no reason. Its almost like there is some kind of test from life like ”Hmmm lets see how much this person can take😈”

Pluto conjunct a planet can in some cases make you suppress that placement or be afraid of that energy. I know a lot of people with Pluto Square Mars whos seriously afraid of conflict. Some people respond to trauma by becoming passive instead of being angered by it.

Pluto conjunct Ascendant in the Solar Return Chart makes you come across as more dominant and powerful. You wont think before you act because you are not as afraid this year.

Mars conjunct Pluto people are much more goal oriented than they even realize themselves. Constantly pushing themselves to become better and better. The kind of person to have the whole package like good job, fit, the best hair stylist, the latest clothes, the latest everything etc. Being the best is something they just do because they dont know anything else. They need structure and perfection. Nobody better look down on them. And Mars conjunct Pluto makes them driven enough to become ”perfect”. Others stare in awe because they could never have that drive. Others might be like ”You doing too much”. They dont realize this is what Mars/Pluto likes and needs.

Pluto in the 10th house makes someone have A LOT of haters and secret admirers. These people are constantly under intense scrutiny. Every word they say is made to be something bad or manipulative. The kind of person to say ”Oh what a beautiful dress!” And people will think they are being sarcastic when they are not. They got Regina George energy no matter how nice they are inside.

Pluto in the 3rd house really know what to say to make you hate yourself. If afflicted they can have a horrible mouth.

People with Mercury conjunct Pluto read into everything. Constantly finding flaws. Might see the worst in you because they project their own fears and insecurities onto others. The kind of person to hate people who snitch and gossip because they do it themselves.

People with a Plutonian Moon will recognize eachother at first sight.

Pluto conjunct Lust(4386) can make someone VERY sexual.

Pluto/Moon can mean your mom went to prison and Pluto/Sun can mean your dad went to prison.

With strong Pluto energy always remember this quote: ”Be nice to the people you meet on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.” Life can go from heaven to hell in a night for these people.

If you got Mercury Square Pluto please shut that cakehole when angry bc that mouth freaky as hell.

©️ 2023 Zeldas Notes

#astro notes #astrology #astro observations #astronotes #birth chart readings #venus square pluto #pluto 10th house #pluto conjunct ascendant

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t-a-k-a-k-o · 7 days

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Heyyy can I ask for weight loss tips ?

Yeah! I have a few but idk if they work, it's just a couple things I have done, so yeah (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

Log ur food BEFORE eating, it is easier to stick by that way

Walking is SO much better than running, it's low impact (so it's easier for injured ppl :D) and u can keep it up much longer than a run

A brisk walk can burn more than a run, my favorite (on a treadmill) is ~4.0 mph (~6.4 km/h), it is pretty easy to stick to, you work up a light sweat, and it burns abt 250 cal per hour

Take SMALL sips of water between each bite of food, like hold a cup with a straw, take a bite with one hand and sip with the other, if it's in ur hand (or at the edge of the table) it makes it easier, at first I would take like gulps but even just enough to wet ur tongue works

Portion ur snacks, if u have a big bag of like veggie chips portion it into the recommended serving size or whatever amount u want, otherwise u might eat more and it's harder to control urself, if it's in containers or little bags whatever, just portion

Eat ur healthy food first, if u have a balanced meal eat ur vegetables and fruit first, then move up for calories, so eat ur food lowest cal to highest bc u might get full from the lower cal stuff first, save some fruit for the end of ur meal tho so ur mouth feels clean and the reason why ppl eat dessert/crave sweetness after eating is because their body is craving fruit to aid digestion

Try little workout apps (yk the stupid ones like "lose weight in 30 days) it may not be much but it gets u to burn a few extra calories in a short time if ur busy, they are fairly easy and beginner friendly, and depending on which one u can actually feel them work if u want to burn more than just a bit, it also holds u accountable

Adjust ur calorie limit by weight, if u lose like 10 lbs (4.5 kg) u can't consume the same amount of calories bc ur maintenance amount is lower now and u will plateau

I recently started this, but have a weight tracker on ur body, I have a chain that I put on like permanent jewelry around my waist, it's like African waist beads or I think in Latin America they use like a string, it makes it so if u don't know when to stop eating it will tell u by the way ur stomach expands

DRINK DRINK DRINK WATER, I try to drink at LEAST a US gallon (~4 l) every day

OMAD is one of the BEST things if u live with family, skip ur insignificant meals and the one ur family most often sits together/finds "important" is the one u eat

If ur at home and ur craving food, take a shower, take a shower, take a couple hours for self care, pamper ur skin a bit, by the time ur done u will feel fresh and the craving will probably be gone

Try to not "give up" like if u have eaten like crap and u want a cookie try to not be like "oh well I'm doing bad enough today anyway" personally that just leads to more guilt and purg1ng

Ok this one may sound a bit weird, but gaslight urself, after eating some and the feeling in ur stomach changes be like "omg I'm so full" and keep saying it aloud, and if u eat more u will lowkey be shamed by others bc they will say stuff like "I thought u were full", gaslight urself into being like "I don't feel hungry" I do those two a lot but, gaslight urself into liking things, disliking things, putting in effort, etc.

This one rly made me work out, if I am laying in bed and I am a bit (even just a teeny TINY bit) restless I tell myself "if I'm just gonna scroll [Tumblr] I might as well walk while I do it" and then I consciously get up, walk into my basement, and on this treadmill we got (it was free from a friend and the middle is broken but it functions enough, and it's still snowing where I live), it doesn't matter what u wear, as long as u can make urself get up u and exercise it's a win (esp with depression lol), I have worked out in nice little workout clothes to rly give the vibes but I have also worked out in pajamas, my 16 km walk for my birthday I did on the treadmill in fluffy socks (I got rly bad blisters so I don't recommend it but it turned out fine, I was planning on a short little walk but it just extended a whole lot) just getting urself up is a win so whatever it takes, do it

If u have workout equipment at home, u don't have to raw dog it, listen to music, read a book, scroll on Tumblr, etc. no one says u can't

In my experience eating even a bit during a fast just leads into temptation, I do better when I don't eat at all than eating a bit bc after I eat a bit I see how hungry I am

That was a lot but those r the ones I can think of off the top of my head, if I remember more I can post more if u want, but yk what? Don't feel bad, ik it sounds stupid but it rly is the best thing u can do, if u binge move on, it's in the past, if u r not able to get up and exercise that's ok, just by being ur beautiful self u burn calories, if ur exhausted and u need something to run on eat a snack, it's better to be able to keep going than drown

I don't know if anyone will rly make it all the way down here but I just want u all to know u r loved by sooo many ppl no matter what u look like, every single one of u are art and art is in the eye of the beholder, I hope ur fast goes easy and u lose a kilo before u step on a scale again

Ily all and stay safe ♡♡♡

#thinnerpls #thigh g4p #an@rexi@#purg1ng #mi@#th1gh g@p #pro for me not for thee #3d blog #sk1nny legs #🕯️as a feather #an@ tips #@n@ tips #weight loss tips

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vaguely-yandere · 2 years

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okay so fat/chubby darling and playboy yan get together, people think that just bc darling is fat/chubby that they could steal playboy yan from them. like since a lot of ppl has fucked them/ want to fuck them or caught feelings, darling would get some nasty ass stares. (so stupid how this happens irl like arent fat ppl lovable lmao?)

instead of shying away darling would either glare at them ir cling to yan more imo

YEEESSSSSSS people who find it IMPOSSIBLE to believe that fat ppl exist and are loveable !!!!!! ppl who say shit like "well, if YOU can bag THAT, then there's hope for me after all!!" and the second darling complains about it or anything or god forbid playboy overhears, playboy is smashing an unopened champagne bottle over SOMEONES head and they don't care whos!!!!

and playboy yan who worships fat darling, covering them in jewelry and fine clothes, constantly posting them on social media, showing them off everywhere, loving their curves, their roles, their chubby cheeks, their double chin, the fat hanging from their arms, their cellulite, all of it drives playboy yan insane <3 and god, if your weight fluctuates a lot, playboy is just gonna like you even more because they means they have an excuse to update your wardrobe everytime you gain or lose weight!

and playboy yans favorite thing is showing you off at parties, eyes practically forming hearts when you wear the outfit and jewelry they bought you and eat the lil finger foods with your manicured hands and if anyone makes any negative or passive aggressive comment, playboy will throw a fit. yelling, throwing things, etc etc, blah blah, playboy is a bit of a brat!

speaking of, i love imagining darling in a silk dress with a big fluffy boa with playboy kneeling by their side, head resting on their hip, a beautiful and expensive collar around their throat with a leash resting right in darlings hand <3 so cute! darling, despite playboys whining, probably wouldn't do this at a party out of embarrassment but the collar would probably stay, maybe just as a more subtle piece of jewelry and if darlings dominance is threatened? if their relationship with playboy is questioned? darling will just call for their lil piggie bank to come over and with a bat of their eyelashes and a tiny pout, playboy hands over their wallet and tells them to get whatever they want <3

i can also see playboy calling places ahead of time and demanding good chairs. none of those tiny little ones (and god fucking forbid the creaky fragile ones (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) ) and dw, you won't have a "special" chair that draws attention to you, everyone will get a nice comfortable chair that doesn't creak, doesn't dig into your hips or sides and is just nice <3

and i just KNOW playboy would have a thing for hand feeding you. even if you don't eat much, it's so so hard to say no to that face when they hold up a macaroon to your lips and look like they just need you to eat it and gently kiss their thumb afterwards <3 and they'll INSIST on you sitting either on their jacket or in their lap wherever you go, refusing to let your beautiful butt (even if you don't have one) touch a surface anyone else has touched and if you sit in their lap, theyll spend the entire time hugging you, holding you close, gently kissing your neck and shoulders and god, it's so hard not to feel gorgeous and wanted when they act like that <333

and a fat darling who is so confident in their relationship and who they are and in their body that they don't feel bad when ppl stare or make comments, they just turn to their yandere, give them a kiss mid convo with some other uber rich and important person and grins when playboy loses their train of thought mid sentence and just sighs with pleasure as they look at darling, handing over their credit card with a "i don't care how much money you spend as long as you keep kissing me like that" and it wasn't anything special, just a peck and just <3333 it's so nice feeling loved so much

#asks #yandere #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere x y/n #chubby darling #playboy yandere

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doeeyeddyke · 6 months

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something that sucks about being fat, in my experience, is that it doesn't matter how little i care about being fat or what the research says, i cannot be happy with being fat

it doesn't matter that i'm sometimes content with how i look or that my friends don't care or that babies and my cat love how soft i am which makes me very happy

bc basically the whole rest of the world hates it

doctors always bring up my weight and are like 'oh but you're young and all your vitals are good so just try to lose 30 pounds' (why are they rushing me my blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, vitamins, nutrients, that stuff is all healthy and normal)

all kinds of relatives laugh about my body and tell me to diet and lose weight, my father snaps at me about it, and my mother is constantly, vocally, violently disgusted by me

and even if i did lose weight, i couldn't ever be skinny, just bc of bone structure and genetics and whatnot but also bc i just don't like that? i don't want to be skinny? like i wouldn't mind losing a couple pounds or for my thighs to get a little smaller so some clothes loosen a bit but that's about it, i don't want to be 120 pounds?

and it's just. it is difficult to legitimately imagine having a future, for many reasons, and one of them is that it's like nothing i do has value, i as a person do not have value, bc i'm fat, and i cannot possibly be permitted to continue existing as a fat person, and i Must lose a lot of weight but also in a way that makes me attractive and doesn't make me saggy or weird or have bad reactions or unhealthy in a way that is noticed by others and it's just. it sucks

i stop hating myself and everyone else thinks i'm fucked in the head for it

#skinny ppl do Not fucking interact #you can like/reblog if you keep your mouth shut and that's it #fatphobia #fat people #fatness #rant post

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nelly-wants-to-b-skinny · 11 months

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I've been wanting to do this but I'll just do it all together :)

1. weight- 185, chest- 41.2, waist-34.0, hips-44.0, thighs- 28.0

2. 5'5, yes im totally okay with my height tbh

3. we have a very similar body type so i feel like it's the most realistic for me

4. tbh just losing my dd boobs that's it.

5. im tired of being the big and ugly friend, i owe it to my young chubby self to finally be pretty.

6. define binge lol. to me if I eat normally i define that as binge. but tbh I don't think I actually binge idk.

7. yes they do, however they don't know how far I'm willing to go. but they don't. they're actually happy I am.

8. i would do cardio 3 times a week, and then do core 2 times a week, but now im doing chloe ting workouts so :))

9. 100% all the time, I've hears it ever since grade school tbh, and it's literally ruined who I am and my relationship with food.

10. i guess my love for baking, it's been really hard baking for my friends and family and not having the opportunity to have these things yk.

11. lol i don't have one hahaha.

12. hmm that's a good question, i usually stick to fruits i try to stay away from meat and dairy, however it's not always easy. but for a good day, I'll have my black coffee in the morning and then like a garden salad in the afternoon.

13. definitely unhealthy lmao, I will starve myself until I lose as much weight as I can.

14. 120lbs, it used to be 140 but that's how much my sis weighs and I wanna be smaller than her

15. I'm neither but I seriously am considering going vegetarian bc I didn't eat meat for 3 days and lost literally 7lbs so I just might.

16. I've always tried to lose weight, yk go on a diet, work out, however this year I realized I was going to go on vacation and I needed to look pretty for my pictures so I decided to go back to my old habits and I triggered my ed, it took some time like 2 months until eventually in the end of March I started thinking the same way once again. I would starve and calculate calories.

17. im not sure. I don't want to say yes since I'm not diagnosed, but I will say I have disordered eating 100%.

18. cheese. ik ppl are gonna scream, but I love it so much lol.

19. hmm actually a while back I think like a couple weeks ago maybe I month.

20. ballerina diet ahhh or maybe the iu diet.

21. triggered. lol I'm usually a L/XL for jeans I'm a 14. bra size is 38DD.

22. damn idk bruh, I remember when I used to be 160, that's the lowest number I can remember, that's when I started weighing myself and it ruined me. I don't remember gaining weight tbh, I think it was when I was recovering.

23. absolutely. growing up I watched eugenia a lot and i loved kpop in ms so I would always wonder what it would be like to be skinny like them.

24. uh i don't like them, but that's me personal. I'm not someone to encourage this illness to someone else.

25. yes. I've done it multiple times. my first time was at a party actually. I had eaten 3 slices of pizza and my stomach hurt rlly bad I had told my friend and she told me she'd find me laxatives or smth I told her no. so I hard searched up what to do and I found a reddit form about purging I did exactly that and threw up as much as I could. it was so bad I was crying bc I felt to bad but my stomach felt better. I think that's when I realized I could enjoy my food but also not consume calories.

26. CLOTHES. finally getting to wear what I want and look pretty no matter what. ugh I can't wait.

27. i try to slip into a mentality of like food isn't fuel it's trash, and it's gonna make you rot.

28. I'd love to, i want to lose as much thigh fat as possible I don't think i could think bc of my family genes

29. anything but me. I don't think beauty can be defined. to me beauty is a subjective what is beautiful to me is not beautiful to you.

30. im hispanic. i have curly hair. im bi. i have a gf. i like to bake. i can't swim. i have insomnia. i have social anxiety. i love kpop. coffee is my bsf.

#bonespø #ed but not sheeran #i wanna be thinner #tw ana shit #ana and mia #st@rve #i wanna be perfect #tw ana diary #tw ana fast #i want to be small #skinsp0 #tw ed diet #tw ed implied #tw restrictive ed #eating disoder trigger warning #tw disordered eating

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launching-a-thousand-ships · 1 year

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Kurt Glee Rewatch: Laryngitis

AKA: the ep with one of Kurt’s best songs. (Pink Houses, obviously XD)

Glad to see Kurt is pulling his weight with vocal warmups lol. But also, let’s appreciate that Brittany just doesn’t have a last name here? I know character wasn’t finalized yet, but I support Rachel just not knowing.

Aw, Kurt finally getting to sing a solo! Also love how Finn complains about Jesse getting all the solos when there is zero evidence of this.

Also Kurt having the same range as a castrato... iconic.

But the fact that Burt shows up at school and Kurt’s immediate response is fear. This is the before Burt’s health stuff but my boy really thought something terrible happened. Guess there’s no other logical reason for Burt to visit?

And this scene breaks my heart. Love Burt, but he’s still of the ‘let’s each do our own thing’ mindset. One of my fav aspects of Kurt’s character is how close he is to his dad. How even when they don’t spend much time together, Burt is still his most important person bc for so long they only had each other. And my heart just cannot take it.

I just love watching the reactions in this scene (Jenna clearly laughing here). Apparently this was inspired by a bit Lea Michele did of fake bad singing so the whole cast was struggling not to laugh.

But legit I love the Kurt and Sue dynamic so much. And I do love Sue’s line of him liking showtunes not equating being gay. Like, yes Kurt is gay, but it gets so tied up with the rest of his personality. Lowkey, with the s1 arc of Kurt being gay... there’s a bit of Kurt’s crush on Finn? But mainly the ‘problem’ of him being gay is about his clothes/etc. Later, when Blaine goes here, he’s def not bullied as much? Prob partly bc Kurt fought so hard to change the school, but maybe Blaine was more ‘passing’.

And that frustrates me. Like obvs homophobia is bad (hot take, I know) but the jokes etc are rarely about Kurt gay as liking boys. Tbh the jokes are more in sexism/toxic masculinity bc the jokes and comments are about Kurt being effeminate and more camp. Like, what if Kurt were straight but still acted like that? What if he were gay but was more stereotypically masc?

Idk, I just have a lot of thoughts about this. Esp as even after Kurt’s out, accepted by his friends, there are still lots of jokes about him being ‘girly’ and they bug me. Esp as Kurt... isn’t as ‘girly’ as ppl make him out to be? I go into it a lot in my fashion analysis of him but s1 is the most fem-leaning he dresses and even still it’s... not that fem. I’ll def rant more about this later, as topic comes up more.

Iconic look. And when he tries to ‘butch’ it up he doesn’t dress like jock or the other guys at school. He specifically imitates his dad and my poor sweet Kurt.

Thinking Pink Houses is about bold interior design is such a move. We get way less of this humour in later seasons (mainly bc Glee tries to be more serious and is way less fun)

Can we also appreciate how Burt clearly sees something is up but he still supports Kurt? He’s afraid of losing his dad, but Burt is never openly neglecting Kurt and would easily drop everything. It’s really just how easy Finn and Burt connect and Kurt wants that same thing, that more casual relationship when conversations with his dad all seem so hard.

Also I’d love to see how that convo went when they got burgers. Did they talk Mellencamp the whole time? Did Kurt learn some fishing facts or something??

Aw, remember when Kurt and Tina were allowed to be friends?

Also these overalls kill me. Kurt pls, no.

I love Jessie’s Girl (one of Finn’s best songs) and Kurt def doesn’t react to it as much as Hello I Love You. I really think that by this point his crush is fizzling out. Esp as he’s focusing more on the situation with his dad.

But legit I unironically love this number and am forever annoyed that they never released a full version.

I love that we’re still in baby!Kurt era but he as this angry affect to help sell the number. Also, Love when he gets to sing in his lower register, and omg the growling is so fun. And I love how right before singing you can see a hint of nervousness on him, poor sweetie

And the reactions! Will’s just like ‘wtf’ and Finn is genuinely into it (he’s just so supportive of Kurt, love to see), Artie and Rachel are just like what is going on?? And I love Rachel’s super halfhearted clap at the end.

I do find it odd that Kurt is clearly going through something and... nobody talks to him? There’s a bit from Schue after the number but like... where is Mercedes? Or could’ve given Tina some lines for once, have her talk to him.

This is one of the very few convos Kurt and Schue have and I understand Kurt being unfazed bc Schue tries to build Kurt up... after repeatedly never supporting his talent. I still say there’s should’ve been a scene in Wheels of Schue talking to Kurt, praising what he did well, etc. Like gosh, isn’t he a teacher?

(K but srsly how is Chris Colfer so pretty, look at that bone structure)

Anyway, love the gay panic when Brittany offers to make out. I do find it interesting how when Kurt tries to bond with his dad, he didn’t change his sexuality. Again, the ‘problems’ were with his appearance and interests. Kurt had said to Sue that he was worried his sexuality was causing distance with his dad, but I think the main strain is from other stuff (his love for theatre and fashion etc)

I also think that Brittany’s offer here is partly a chance for Kurt to keep up his new charade, but maybe he also considers experimenting a bit. He said it he was sure in Preggers but hey, can’t hurt to try.

Did Kurt specifically set out these candles for while he kisses Brittany? Bc lol. (also has anyone seen the BTS where CHris mentions being told he was ‘too good’ at this scene and needed to look more like he didn’t know what he was doing, Iconic)

And him asking what boys lips taste like, awe sweetie

Damn, Kurt really made a whole-ass doorhanger for this. How much planning did he do lol. And why do we never get to see Kurt’s murder mystery parties?? Does he do them for just him and his dad???

“Brittany and I were just having sexual relations” I cannottttt. Delivery of this is 10/10

And Burt here. We saw before how he always knew Kurt was gay (tho the fact that it was bc of him wanting heels.... doesn’t really equate with liking boys but whatever) but he still waited for Kurt to come out. And now he knows this is weird, but prob Kurt questioning/confirming and he’s giving his son the space to figure things out and all he can do is support him no matter what. Love Burt.

Find it weird he just lets them resume making out? But I guess he’s pretty sure they won’t really do anything. The doorhanger suggests it was more just so Burt would catch them.

This is also clearly an indication that Kurt is gay bc otherwise Brittany would totally be his type. He loves that clueless type (Finn, sorta Sam, Blaine who is hella oblivious). Omg, the real reason it didn’t work with Adam: he was way too smart.

Omg, the only sighting of Kurt in cargo pants ever. Kurt was prob so comfy this week lol.

Also, that hat... the true Kurt accidentally breaking through?

Duck fat omg. As long as it’s organic, I guess?

Let’s appreciate Artie and Tina being horrified at this lol. And how when Kurt was whispering to Brittany his voice was usual, but then when he talked to the others and then his dad his voice immediately lowered bc of his current persona. Sweettiieee.

Part of me is v curious about Kurtanny (Britturt?) lasting more than one ep. Like, Brittany just mentioned making out, but they’ve been hanging out for a few days now. Have they been going on dates? What is their life?

And awe, Burt def has good intentions, he wants to be close to Finn bc of Carol etc. But damn, Kurt breaks my heart here.

Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing.

I love how this song is kinda similar to Pink Houses with the anger, the lower voice, even in this song he does a bit of a growl at the start. But damn, what a difference.

I love how so many of Kurt’s solos are about his dad. This, hold your hand, even wheels was connected to that plot.

ANd this song. I mean, it’s been said a million times. One of his best in the series. The amount of frustration and intensity I just. It’s so good. And that sing/scream at the end holy crap.

I get it’s for the moment with his dad, but lowkey upset he didn’t get to sing this for the club, show how freaking talented he really is.

Kurt: “I’m fine”

Also Kurt: *tearing up*

Damn, early series Kurt was so soft and sweet and emotional. Kurt stays sweet, but he gets so hardened by the crap he goes through and he’s rarely as open and vulnerabl. Like, even s1 he represses, but not as much as later. Def not as successfully.

“Fine don’t sing like you just sung”

I love Burt so much. I will never say it enough. I love how he’s allowed to have flaws, to have to readjust to Kurt, who was not what he’d planned.

And I like how Burt calls Kurt out on the “didn’t know I was a disappointment” bc they both know that’s not what he meant.

I can’t watch this scene without tearing up. Also, def more of crew learning how great a crier Chris Colfer is bc ooh boy will we get more. Burt’s expression when Kurt says how easy it is with Finn, how it breaks his heart.

And we’ve already seen how Kurt really took up the caretaker role, how he wants to make things easier for his dad, so ofc Kurt would also work hard, try to change himself to connect with his dad.

And I love that Burt immediately puts a stop to that bc Kurt is the son and he shouldn’t have to change who he is. Obvs Burt loves Kurt and would do anything for him, but I think this is def a turning point where he realizes that they can connect beyond that. Like, burt can accept Kurt, but he can also make the effort to learn about what Kurt’s interests (we see how much he learns about theatre as the show goes on) and this is where Burt does away with the ‘you do your thing, I do mine’ perspective on their relationship.

And I love that for them. I love them so much. I live this ep so much. Why do I love a show that I hate so much???

#glee #glee rewatch #Kurt Hummel #Glee Season 1 #glee laryngitis

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shatterthefragments · 2 months

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.fuck

Is it. Worth it? Re: birthday cake

“You should probably cut down on this kind of sweet though”

As if I don’t think about this enough.

As if it’s not sitting heavy on my tongue begging me to throw up. (I don’t. Actually purge. Just the urge is there. The gag reflex is working when it really doesn’t need to. I gag/retch all the time bc I’m sensitive but I don’t really throw up so much anymore unless I’m very ill.)

“Oh I was thinking about making sweet and sour ribs but it uses two tablespoons or so of sugar” [for apparently 3lbs of ribs. Which. To me seems very reasonable]

As if I don’t consider the balance between living life and making it a life worth living and the balance of what needs to be balanced so that there are potentially less complications in the future.

And it would be nice to lose weight. “For my health”, if weight cycling wasn’t a thing. It would be nice to be smaller. And I’ve worked towards being OKAY with my body. It does so much for me.

Even so (and idk how accurate a scale is) I have lost weight since having Covid. I assumed it was all muscle because I had no energy and had extreme fatigue for longer than ever before. (*I don’t remember my high school grad year depression slump well enough to say but I was also dealing with daily headache) but even though I have also lost muscle SUPPOSEDLY I have a higher percentage of muscle bc it wasn’t just muscle I lost apparently. It’s about 10 lbs last time I checked. Which. Of my height is a lot (even though I don’t know. Have I noticed? All my clothes are the same? I’m still right in between the sizes I tend to measure as. *maybe* my mask has a tiny bit more space at my double chin? I don’t know!) potentially but argh?!?

Also it’s a bit creepy that the scale remembers and transmits this to the sister’s phone when she’s back

And. Top surgery would do double duty. Affirming me. And also it would put me under my Spite Weight. (“You’ll never be able to get under that weight if you cross above it”)

But we don’t exist to lose weight.

Sometimes my tummy is cute. Sometimes I love my body. Mostly it’s just there. Disconnected. Some other person’s. dysphoria. (Disconnected by dysphoria and distorted by dysmorphia)

I… when I work I usually get about 10,000 steps in. It’s still many several thousand steps even when I’m being held up by compression socks and my ankleskneesthighships everything aches to the bone and I want to collapse into tears. (I refuse to worry about the stuff I do without my phone in my pocket quantifying everything is the devil and I shall not listen)

I choose to do things.

I am at an activity level that I’m fairly comfortable with. (Though with my days off separated for school right now I’m a little hesitant to say. Go with the queer hiking group for a 10k hike when I don’t have a recovery day after)

I refuse to starve myself. (Mostly bc of what I know it could do)

Doesn’t help when my throat closes up and doesn’t allow me to consume anything or if I try to force myself I just gag until I spit it out anyway. But I’m still able to eat enough I think. Of course you do you’re

I’m fine. I’ll enjoy a bit of cake. I’ll prepare my lunch for tomorrow. I’ll go to bed.

There are some healthier choices I try to make sometimes.

But the best food is the food you can eat (and keep down)

And tbh. Maybe it’s just getting older and that it’s winter. But like. Even though I’m lighter now than I have been for years my joints are at their worst (I should start doing physio exercises before I have to pay for them…)

#vent #food #cake #tw #disordered eating #weight mention #specific numbers mention #ed #emetophobia #there’s. a joke in there about gender affirming weight loss via top surgery but maybe it’s only funny to me bc I’m fucked up #body image #purging mention (idealogically but not reality)

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jamasauruos-blog · 9 months

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Dear diary,

Today is a struggle.

Back story: I was in a relationship for 2 years n I tried to do everything for this guy. But he was so lazy. All he did was smoke pot n stay up n play Xbox w his friends. Even when I would have to get up early the next day for work they would be in the bedroom playing Fortnite. A lot of times I would get up n sleep in the other room. N it didn’t bother him at all.

He was so ungrateful towards his mom. She had needed a hip replacement for years n she was working 2 jobs just to get by. She would get home from work n could barely walk. She was in so much pain she would be crying. Yet he couldn’t even clean the litter boxes, take out the trash, wash dishes, clothes nothing.

I was struggling w depression, anxiety n some eating n I didn’t have medication then. But I was sticking around 110. But when I found out he had been cheating on me it broke me down. I found him talking to so many girls on Snapchat some of them dating back to may keep in mind this was around nov.

I was so rattled w anxiety n disgust I could barely eat. I couldn’t stomach the taste of food. I was living on coffee, cantaloupe, n strawberries mostly. I was lucky to get 4 hours of sleep if I took 3 Tylenol pm n smoked a bowl. If I didn’t I could lay there all night in my thoughts until the sun rose.

I quickly got down to 95 lbs. I was a waitress n I was still going a mile a min like I usually did. I remember a size 0 in blue jean shorts were hanging on me.

Now I just got out of a 3 n half year relationship n I want to gain that control again. Im so jealous of myself back then bc it wasn’t hard. I was just really fucking depressed but I’m wanting to wither away again. It’s hard to know what I want w him. Like do I want him to come back. But I know if he comes back then we’ll argue about my eating. But if he stays away I can keep losing weight. But I care about him so much n I do miss him. N hearing that he’s going to stay w his ex (which from the stories I’ve heard is more coocoo than me) makes me feel so jealous.

Like really I’m worse than her. I hate myself so much for hurting him n always being so distant. But at the same time I couldn’t help it. When ppl get in my face n start screaming at me n push me around. Tell me they’re going to punch me in the face. I can’t help but revert into a shell. We had some really good times n we’ve been through some rough life stuff.

I’m sorry it got worse every time we had an argument like that. But I just couldn’t help it. A lot of times I was scared to say anything bc he would say that I was wrong n get mad. But that’s how I felt. I felt so beat down emotionally that I was no longer fun.

Now on kind of a mutual breakup. We acknowledge that we still are about each other. That his anger mixed w my sadness n shutting down wasn’t a good combo. He told me tonight that he didn’t stay here( we rent a house together) bc it’s hard to be around me n not want to go back to the relationship. Well I guess that’s fine bc then he won’t know I’m starving. I can keep punishing myself in secret.

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saintvampy · 11 months

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ed sheeran warning, not great mental health, some #s mentioned, very long

so ive been trying out healthy weight loss. not the most healthy ever but healthier than my brain wants me to be. 1200 cal limit. high restriction is so fucking hard tho. like its so much easier to just eat as little as possible. but im trying really hard to just have some healthy weight loss rn. just gotta shed a few pounds and fit back into some clothes. im at my highest weight ever bc i got like 10 lbs of titanium on my spine from surgery now. ive never weighed above 135 and now im 150. fucking hate myself. and i feel like my bf knows it and secretly hates me too. unfounded asf ik but my brain says it so it must be true. my goal is to lose 15 and be 135 since my old weight was 125 and i was happy with that so like add 10 pounds for the titanium yk. and its a pretty small amount to lose but to lose it in a healthy way takes sooooo fucking long. and im focusing on fat loss not just like weight in general which also takes a lot more effort. plus atp im trying to not think about the number on the scale bc of the titanum situation. its hard and im honestly contemplating just relapsing to get the weight loss over with. like i could do it in a month if i had a lower limit like 500. ik its not a good idea but 1 month compared to 3 months is a big difference.

#.° vampy .°#🧷 long text .*#˖° 💊#𓆩🦋𓆪

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h3r3w3-g0again120 · 2 years

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10/6/22

Well yesterday was my first day in so long without binging. So yay! I've been binge eating for the past few months at the very least (bc stress I rlly wish I had the opposite reaction to stress) and it fucking shows. I know what you're thinking: "no shit ya fat cow!!" I'm disgusting that's why I'm starving myself don't @ me thankyou. But I still feel like I ate way too much and I didn't work out so, not good. I had some lemon pepper chicken wings (non- breaded) and a salad. I still have to try and eat somewhat in front of my boyfriend so he doesn't suspect anything. He's off today since it's Thursday (our weekly date night 💕) and as much as I would like to fast today because of how fucking guilty I feel for eating so much last night, I can't. I don't need him to worry about me because I'm fine!! I just don't want to be a fat piece of shit anymore. My plan is to just fast until I get home and I'll just tell him I ate a big lunch and just want a salad or something so that way he still sees that I'm eating.

Another win is that I've been drinking lots of water. Also, whenever I have coffee, I'm using splenda and trying to use as little creamer as possible, but it's hard bc I rlly rlly love a good creamer. 😔 if you're reading this and know of any good sugar free/0cal creamer lemme know!

On a different note, I've been having to pay so much money to different stuff: court/doctor/vet/misc. so while being broke fucking SUCKS, at least I can't impulsively buy fast food or binge foods or any food at all really lol.

I'm trying to eat keto-friendly if I do decide eat. When me and my ex did it hardcore last year, I lost a good amount of weight and it's a good excuse to use if someone offers me carb/sugar loaded junk.

This is kind of off topic, but I've always had massive tits and I really hope they shrink when I lose this weight bc for

1) MY BACK

2) small tits fit better in everything

3) they don't make cute bras for people with massive tits

4) i have personally experienced being a 32DD and finding clothes that fit right is a fucking NIGHTMARE and gods forbid you wanna find a nice dress that's form fitting. SPOILER ALERT!!!!! YOU WON'T YOU'LL JUST WANNA CHOP YA TITTIES OFF!!!!

okay anywayyyssss, if you made it this far, thank you for reading my whiny personal post you're beautiful and amazing and i hope you have a lovely day!! 💖🥰🌸☁💫

#personal #tw #an4 #st4rv1ng #st4rv3 #an4rexia

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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I think you are softly spoken - quiet even - until you're around people you're super comfortable with. Then i think you can get a little louder, but not by much. I get the impression that you go out of your way to listen intently to whomever is speaking and you dont interrupt them while they're are speaking. I think you treat people the way you wished you had been treated. Accent? I keep thinking of you as an east coast person. Not a strong Boston type accent or anything. But you would sound different from my Wisconsin accent. Appearance? Maybe a deep mahogany or chestnut hair colour with some waves, maybe deep brown eyes, a quick but shy smile that you try to cover up. I think you're very, very slow to anger, but once you are, it's like a firecracker. It may blow up and make a terrific momentary show but it fizzles out very quickly and you regain your chill. I think you're of short to average height, slightly curvy build but you think youre overweight because of what society or perhaps people surrounding you growing up have made you believe. I think youre the friend to everyone when they need it, but are also the friend that gets left out. I think it takes a lot for you to end any friendship because you forgive easily even if you dont forget. You give chance after chance after chance until you hit that limit. Have I got anything right?

damn… do you know me irl lol

you got a lot right, i'll give you that. but i'll clarify a couple things haha

i am quiet, i guess, to some extent. i think i'm more calculated in what i say depending on the situation. but you are right that around new ppl i'm quiet and then with ppl i'm more comfortable with i'm loud.

i do talk over ppl and sometimes i don't pay attention, but i think that's bc of my undiagnosed (but trying to get diagnosed) adhd. i have about 1000 thoughts going thru my head at any given time so sometimes i just spit stuff out in the moment bc otherwise i'll forget it (bc i also have the memory of a spoon sometimes). that's why i do well when i write. i'm able to get everything out that i want to say.

i am from the east coast, i live near philly. so i do wonder what my accent would sound like to someone that isn't from around here. hell there are ppl that are around me that have THICK fucking accents to me so i can only imagine what mine might sound like. i think mine is also a bit different bc i did theater so i overenunciate sometimes.

i do have brown hair, probably in between those two colors, but… my eyes are hazel. but they read as brown so i guess you're kinda right haha

slow to anger… debatable. i think it depends on what's happening, whether or not i'm feeling good, and the subject. i do get annoyed very easily. it takes little to nothing to annoy me lol angry tho? hit or miss.

i am short, and i am overweight. i think i wear my weight well tho.

and i'm just gonna rant about this for like two seconds so ignore this if you wanna. i got to my heaviest in college, and i was a size 18. i have since lost a decent amount of weight, and now i'm in between what i was in high school and what i was in college. tell me how i went UP a pant size and i'm now a 20. i'm like…….. did the sizing change bc i literally didn't buy clothes for a year or two??????? but something like this has happened to me before too. back when i was in middle school/hs i lost 40 lbs during the summer but i remember measuring my thighs and they got BIGGER. and that happens now anytime i lose weight. my thighs will get bigger. i dONT NEED BIGGER THIGHS ! okay sorry about that lmao

so back to your ask, i would say the last bit is definitely true, and funny enough i've never ended a friendship. ppl just… stop talking to me. so, that's usually when i get the hint that they don't want to be friends anymore. which is infuriating for a number of reasons. i would much rather someone just tell me to my face that they don't want to be friends anymore than ghost me into oblivion. like, while it would hurt for someone to tell me they don't want to be friends, at least it doesn't leave as many "what ifs" as ghosting, which i fucking HATE. i've also learned within the last couple years that i'm not gonna beg someone to be my friend. that's dumb, and we're all too old to play games like that.

ffs, i'm 27. you either vibe with the fact that i like twilight and the jonas brothers a lot or you don't lol it's not that complicated.

#ask #personal

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wanderrlust0 · 2 years

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i lost like 5 lbs and i like it .. i think i can stay this weight for the summer and i can wear certain clothes without constantly looking down and feeling like i look fat. like today, i could tell that i felt more comfortable than i usually am in my outfit, like it felt great and i didn’t feel that insecure. sometimes im always making sure my shirt covers a certain amount of my stomach bc i’ll soon feel like im bloated. i love wearing high waisted shorts/skirts/pants; theyre like one of the best things to exist lol. i wasn’t trying to lose weight on purpose, it just sorta happened under certain circumstances. i also know that my body kind of loses weight easily, like if i eat any less than my normal at the moment, i will automatically see a difference. sometimes i just dont like my body proportions. like, my upper arms feel fat and i dont like that crease at the armpits. im always on and off about my calves bothering me. i do like my hips a lot; i like feeling my hip bone. i like my waist bc it curves in. im pretty neutral about my ass lol i think the size of it fits my body and im not really into having such a huge butt. i used to like hate my boobs so much. i just didnt like them. i didnt like how small they looked compared to other girls i would see. i felt like no guy would want a girl like me with small boobs. i pretty much fell for societys standards or the male gaze with what the “perfect” female body is and id look at my chest and it would feel so flat. foreal in high school i wanted a boob job in the future like your girl just wanted boobies. i still get insecure about them but defff not to the extent that i used to. i used to care so much and now ive gotten more comfortable, but i do sometimes think like damn why cant any gained fat just all go to my tits lol. when i had my after hs “glow up” and felt prettier, there were more guys liking me during college and i put myself more out there and that honestly helped. im just rambling now. anyways, my bf loves my boobs and whenever he’s admiring them and expressing how much he likes them it just makes me happy and my past self needed to hear that sooner. going deeper into it, i feel like this is the root of me being attracted to girls. like i would see a girl with my ideal body type and boobs just bigger than mine and i wanted that bc i felt like that was part of being pretty. ive been admiring girls for so long but i didnt even realize the extent of it and what it meant since i focused on boy crushes in school. i had a lot of female celebrities that i liked; i just thought they were perfect and i wanted to be them. omg on that note, im very glad that i no longer have thoughts where i wish i was white. i cant believe i even thought of what i wanted to look like. i hated my eyes, my nose, my side profile. i’ve gained more acceptance to my facial features (still not a fan of my side profile tho lol). ive embraced being asian and i dont feel any internal racism anymore. also, middle school/hs can really ruin your confidence and i feel like its inevitable for everyone. anyways, another thing i like are my collar bones and that whole part of my body. very minuscule, but i like my wrists. i would wrap my fingers around them and try each finger to figure out their size and go up my arm until my fingers couldnt touch. during college is when i noticed my body changing more. i was losing more fat and some to me felt like baby fat. so i noticed my wrists getting smaller and looking more dainty and flat, like how i wanted. even my fingers shrunk. towards the second half of college, i would put on rings id wear a lot and they became loose more often and like now, they completely slide on my finger. in hs i thought my fingers looked so chubby and my ring size felt too big. anyways, ill finish and stop rambling now but its kind of eye opening typing all of this out. ive also been writing my thoughts wayyy more often on here. years back i never posted a text post and i barely posted my own pics too, so ive been using my “blog” to write and post more original stuff // 7.22.22

#journal #mypost #ohmygod theres actually a character limit on here i never knew that lol #i already finished what i wanted to say but i accidentally typed #tmi

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