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dirtyvulture · 2 months

Text

Dear Diary

*Set in the Darkest Knight AU*

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Mutant!Reader

18+ only, read at your own risk

Word count: 4459

Summary: Natasha embraces her new life as an X-Men.

AN: I'm back with a little one shot. :) Enjoy!

December 6, 2023

Dear Diary,

Is that an appropriate way to start one of these? I’ve never kept a diary or a journal before. But Marie gave me this cute little notebook and said writing stuff down helps clear her mind, so I don’t think there’s any harm in giving it a shot. They would never let us have something like this in the Red Room. Too much evidence lying around for someone to stumble upon. Should I put a lock on this? Y/N wouldn’t snoop around to read this, would she? Well, I guess if she is–leave my diary alone, you big dummy!

The professor said the Red Room soldiers and Widows are coming tomorrow. This is all my fault. I’ve put these good people and innocent children in danger. Earlier, we went to help the kids pack their bags and board the buses. I’m not sure if Y/N has any kids of her own (or ever did at all), but I can tell she really cares about them. Although she was not happy with some of the excessive luggage some of them were bringing. No one would tell me where they’re sending the kids, but I overheard Ororo mention something about a private resort they had to buy out.

I still don’t quite understand why these people are willing to sacrifice so much for me. I’m basically a stranger to them. I have nothing to give them in return if they ask. Maybe they’ll finally throw me out when they realize how worthless I am. That’s what I really deserve. Not these warm clothes, the home-cooked meals, and this roof over my head. And I definitely don’t deserve the kindness and care Y/N has shown me. I really like her, but I’m afraid she’ll leave me when she realizes how boring and inexperienced I am.

Oh, I think she’s coming out of the shower now. I’ll continue this later.

Love,

Nat

***********************************************************************

December 15, 2023

Dear Diary,

It’s weird how life goes back to normal so fast here. The Red Room soldiers and Widows were here not even a week ago, tearing down doors and blasting out windows, and everything is already repaired and the students are back at it like nothing happened.

A lot of them are excited to go back to their homes and families for the holiday. But a lot of them will also be staying at the mansion, because their families won’t accept them or they just don’t have any home to go back to. The professor asked Y/N to help plan some holiday games so the kids staying don’t get too bored or lonely. She’s acting like it’s the dumbest assignment he’s ever given her, but I’ve seen her spending all her free time ordering presents and decorations (with the professor’s credit card, of course), so I know she takes it very seriously and the kids are going to love whatever she comes up with.

I’m really glad I get to spend Christmas here. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually been able to celebrate it with people I love. I feel so welcomed here and no one looks at me like I’m any different, when I come from a past where there’s red all over my ledger. Sometimes I’m surprised anyone even lets me be around these kids alone, but some of them have powers that even make Y/N nervous, and I think they know they can trust me.

It’ll take some more time before I can be fully comfortable here, but it’s really starting to grow on me and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Love,

Nat

***********************************************************************

December 25, 2023

Natasha wakes up alone. She looks around the bedroom, in case you might be on the floor doing push-ups or in the bathroom showering, but the room is completely empty. Her heartbeat picks up as she jumps out of bed, afraid that you’ve left her, when she notices a note on the desk.

Downstairs making breakfast. Come join when you’re up - Y/N

She relaxes immediately, touched how you made sure to let her know in advance where you would be. She quickly washes up and puts on a robe, then hurries downstairs to a chaotic mess of torn gift wrapping, screaming children, and flashing new toys. She steps into the kitchen, where you are wearing a flowered apron and are threatening Marie with a spatula.

“Stop, those aren’t ready–Marie!” You swat at her hands as she swipes for a pancake.

“Merry Christmas, Miss Nat!” Marie says, moving your attention away from her as your girlfriend appears.

“Merry Christmas, Marie.” Natasha gives the girl a hug, not missing the folded pancake in her hand.

“Merry Christmas, darling,” you say next, waiting for her to come over. “I made a special plate for you. It’s over here so the kids don’t get into it.” You point to a foil-covered plate off to the side of the stove. Natasha goes to investigate, peeling back the foil to find the plate fully-loaded with two different types of pancakes, one next to a little container of jam and honey, and the other still steaming and garnished with flecks of green onion. There’s even a bowl of grainy buckwheat porridge. Her heart soars at the sight of her favorite native breakfast. With a delighted squeal, she throws herself into your arms.

“Thankyou thankyou thankyou,” she choruses, squeezing you tightly as you rub her back.

“You’re welcome, darling.”

At this point, you shoo everyone out of the kitchen to finish the preparations. Natasha joins Marie in the dining hall, helping set up the plates and silverware. She watches with great curiosity as Kitty tries getting Peter to step under the mistletoe she hung above the doorway, and then is distracted when Jean and Scott come down for breakfast.

“Y/N cooks Christmas breakfast for us every year,” Jean explains to Natasha. “The kids always look forward to it.”

“Hey, Y/N!” Scott yells into the kitchen. “Keep the walnuts away from my food, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Natasha hears you dismissively respond.

“Scott’s allergic,” Jean whispers to her. “Now there’s no proof how, but he ended up with a plateful of them last year and I almost had to take him to the hospital. Needless to say, it was an eventful Christmas.”

Natasha giggles to herself, already having a feeling she knows exactly how those walnuts got on Scott’s plate.

Everyone finds a seat at the table, the empty one next to Natasha reserved for you. You finally emerge from the kitchen, no longer in the flowered apron but one of your classic checkerboard flannels. You’re carrying an impressive tower of pancakes in one hand and a pan filled half and half with bacon and sausage in the other. The students break out in appreciation and applause as Bobby scoots aside some dishes to make room for the last trays.

“Don’t take more than you can finish,” you remind the kids, going around the table to sit next to Natasha and presenting her with her special plate. “And uh, Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and all that other stuff.” You raise your apple cider in a toast and everyone follows your lead.

“Thanks for breakfast, Y/N,” Ororo says, clinking her glass to yours. The students erupt with more thanks before they start reaching for the food, passing around the mountainous plate of pancakes, scooping whole fried eggs onto each other’s plates.

“Thanks again, babe,” Natasha says, putting her hand on your thigh as she leans over to kiss you on the cheek.

“You should try it first before thanking me,” you tease, still not used to all the praise. You were just trying to be a good partner, and it was somewhat of a Christmas tradition for you to cook breakfast for all the students who stayed at the mansion over break. You didn’t mind it at all, in fact you really did enjoy spending time in the kitchen and it made you feel good to take care of others.

Natasha leaves her hand on your knee as she eats, and eventually you put your hand on top of hers comfortingly. Neither of you engage much in conversation as you eat and listen, happy with the company. Once all of the food has been finished, Ororo rounds up the students to help clean everything before they can continue opening presents.

Kitty gets you a Johnny Cash vinyl record. Marie and Bobby got you a variety pack of exotic flavors of jerky, including alligator, ostrich, and buffalo. Storm gives you and Natasha tickets to a weekend getaway at a Canadian resort. Jean and Scott also throw in a joint gift of a new set of winter bedsheets. You are very thankful for the presents and pile them neatly by your feet, when Natasha pulls out a box and puts it on your lap. Inside is a familiar-looking flannel shirt.

“It’s a brand new one,” Natasha says. “To replace all the ones I steal from your closet,” Natasha says.

“Thanks,” you say, putting your arm around her to pull her closer so you can kiss her cheek. “This one is from me.” You hand her a very small box.

Natasha opens it delicately and gasps when she sees what you’ve given her. It’s a wooden ring, carved a little roughly around the edges with little turquoise-colored gems pressed into the outside.

“Did you make this?” Natasha asks, running her finger over the gems.

“Uh, yeah.” You’re suddenly nervous that she doesn’t like it. Woodworking was not your finest hobby, despite your decades to fine-tune the skill, but you preferred to build vast structures and furniture. Tiny little pieces of jewelry were extremely difficult to handle, but hopefully it was worth the numerous cuts and splinters you gave yourself.

Natasha slips it on her right ring finger–a perfect fit. Maybe you needed to give yourself more credit for your handiwork.

“It’s beautiful,” she says, holding her hand up to admire the ring. “I love it. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Natasha snuggles closer to you and rests her head on your shoulder while you sit back and watch everyone else finish opening their gifts.

***********************************************************************

The rest of the day is busy but productive. Natasha has never felt happier watching the students competitively decorate gingerbread houses, then go outside and play in the snow. You don’t join in anymore, preferring to watch from the side. You’re already wearing the flannel Natasha got for you and Natasha gazes at you adoringly from afar. Despite the differences the two of you had from time to time, she hasn’t loved another person the way she loves you. But sometimes she worries that you don’t feel the same way.

You still don’t talk very much, hardly opening up about your past the way Natasha has spilled about hers. Although you seem mostly content at the mansion, Natasha can tell you’re still adjusting to being around so many people. The life of solitude in the cabin in the woods had clearly been more your style, and she feels guilty for dragging you away from that. But as much as she would love to spend all day with you cozied up in a cabin you built with your own hands, it wasn’t a realistic option. Not with all the threats and dangers that could come her way.

Which is why it was so important to Natasha that the Red Room be dealt with, as soon as possible.

She didn’t like how dismissive you got every time she brought it up, but she understood why. You had found your domestic bliss and didn’t want to let it go anytime soon. She wasn’t going to blame you. But she wished you would actually listen to her instead of shutting her down all the time. She would figure out how to broach the topic with you eventually, but today was not that day.

After a quiet dinner, which is basically just warmed up leftovers from breakfast, Natasha finds you sitting by yourself on the couch in front of a dying fire. Most of the students had retired to their rooms, exhausted by the day’s festivities. Natasha sits next to you, leaning her shoulder against yours.

“Hey,” she whispers.

“Hi.” You offer her your hand and she clasps onto it, threading her fingers with yours. You smile when you see the wooden ring on her finger. It looks perfect on her. “Did you have fun today?” you ask.

“It was the best Christmas I ever had,” she replies. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course.”

Natasha is tired, but there’s still one more thing she wants to do with you. She rests her hand on your thigh, subtly at first, then she slowly starts to stroke your leg, her fingers barely perceptible through your jeans. You ignore her and her movements become bolder, creeping towards the inside of your thigh now and squeezing it lightly.

“Can I help you with something?” you finally ask. Natasha has always been a little more shy when it comes to asking for intimacy with you. But you were patient with her and never pressured her, and that encouraged her to have the confidence to ask if you were in the mood–even if she didn’t always do it with words.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” she says, leaning forward until her lips almost touch yours. “I still have one more present to give you.”

“Oh, do you now?” you ask, trying to kiss her but she pulls away.

“You have to come upstairs,” she repeats, offering you her hand as she stands up.

“All right, all right.” Your knees creak as you push off the couch, taking Natasha’s hand and following her upstairs. You can hear her heartbeat pounding with excitement or maybe that’s…yours? You hope everyone else has gone to sleep by now, otherwise they wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon.

Back in the privacy of the bedroom, you let Natasha lead you to the bed and you sit down on the edge with her climbing onto your lap.

“Is this okay?” she asks, her hands locking around the back of your neck.

“Of course,” you whisper, leaning in until your foreheads touch. Your arms circle her waist to hold her securely in place. Her breath fans over your face and her heartbeat pumps at an almost alarmingly quick rate.

“I want you,” she says, rocking her hips against your thighs. “I want you to take me.”

“How do you want me?” you ask, before she presses her lips roughly to yours, her fingers digging into your neck. Her arousal spikes and so does yours. You open your mouth when she licks your lips to deepen the kiss. She tastes like vanilla and cookies and you instinctively pull her closer to you, wanting to devour her until the morning.

Natasha grabs the collar of your flannel, pulling apart the top buttons and running her hands down your chest and abs. Your skin burns where she touches you and you nip lightly on her bottom lip when she rests her hands on the buckle of your belt.

“I want to taste you,” you pant, hoping your request doesn’t come across as too greedy. Natasha has to fight down her thrill of excitement at your suggestion, wondering how you knew exactly what she wanted. She doesn’t even take the time to agree with you, instead hurriedly stripping off her clothes to show you how eager she is. You take off the flannel, setting it aside with reverence, then removing your undershirt and jeans. Natasha tackles you back on the bed, your thigh fitting between her legs and you feel the heat from her center rubbing against you.

“You’re so wet for me,” you say, holding her hips again and guiding her up until she’s hovering over your chest. “My good girl.”

“Your good girl,” Natasha reiterates, grabbing onto the headboard for support before she positions herself over your face. The scent of her arousal is almost overwhelming to you, and you waste no time bringing your arms over her thighs to pull her down. Natasha whines when your mouth makes contact with her slick center, your tongue slipping into her and coating with her juices.

Natasha moans, grinding down so you can enter her deeper. Your arms tighten to prevent her from moving too much; you want to do things at your own pace. Her taste is so intoxicating and addictive, you could lie here forever eating her out. Natasha grips the headboard tighter, struggling to rock against your face for more friction, but you won’t let her. She whines in desperation, the noises music to your ears. Your tongue dips into her again before tracing up to her clit, flicking against it and Natasha grinds down harder on your chin, gasping and moaning.

“Y/N,” she begs. “Y/N, please.”

You stop, pulling away from her far enough to say, “What do you want, baby?”

“I want you,” she repeats, her voice breaking. “I need you.”

“I know, baby. I got you.” As much as you love teasing her, this is not the time. You knew Natasha could sometimes be insecure about your relationship with her. But you had no regrets in choosing to be with her and loved her so much. You would never miss an opportunity to show her, either.

You loosen your arms around her so she has some freedom to move and Natasha quickly adjusts herself until she’s comfortable. When she settles back down on your face again, you find her clit and wrap your lips around it, rewarded with a long, drawn-out moan. Natasha rolls her hips to help you find a good rhythm. You feel her thighs tremble and more of her slick spills onto your tongue.

“Oh, god. Oh fuck, Y/N,” she whimpers, the headboard flexing dangerously from how hard she’s holding onto it.

Your stomach practically burns from how aroused you are with Natasha riding your face, and you’re hoping she’ll help you relieve some of the tension once you make her finish. You’ve held out as long as you could, and you can tell Natasha is ready to fall over the edge. Your tongue rests on her clit again, swiping upwards in a straight line, then dragging down at a diagonal angle, then going back up.

Your tongue moves in an inverted V next, drawing an imaginary bar between them.

You lick down her clit once more, then swipe perpendicular.

Natasha is panting and shaking, completely unaware that you’re trying to spell her name on her with your tongue. One of her hands has left the headboard and is holding tightly onto your hair in an attempt to guide you, but your own plan is already in action.

She doesn’t make it the next A, her back arching and thighs clamping around your head as she finally cums. You don’t let a drop of it go to waste, lapping at her sensitive folds until she’s whimpering and trying to pull your head away. Natasha lifts herself off your face with a contented sigh, turning herself away from the headboard now, but you’re not quite done with her yet.

You pull her back down on your face and she falls forward with her hands on your chest.

“Did I say you could go anywhere?” you grumble playfully.

“Y/N,” Natasha giggles.

“Can I have one more, darling?” you ask, and she responds by sitting back on your face. But now Natasha is the one with other ideas, as she eyes the veins on your flexing abdomen that disappear behind the band of your underwear. You feel her hands run across your stomach and your breath hitches when she tugs down your underwear.

“Nat, what are you–oh, shit.” Now it’s your turn to gasp and moan when Natasha leans over and places her mouth on your dripping center. You completely lose focus of what you were doing, instinctively spreading your legs open further to give her better access. “Fuck baby, oh fuck,” you whine, your head dropping back on the pillow.

“Did I say you could stop?” Natasha teases, turning your own words back against you. It takes a monumental effort, but you calm yourself enough to put your mouth to work again. Natasha almost soaks herself when she realizes how turned on you’ve gotten just from eating her out. Now she has only one mission in mind: make you cum before she does a second time. But you’re refusing to make it easy for her, and Natasha is already dangerously close despite having finished mere minutes ago. She knows she has to hurry, but judging from the tremble in your thighs, you’re closer than you’re letting on.

Natasha’s tongue circles your clit and she can feel you panting against her, your own efforts faltering in their rhythm. She pushes back against your face to remind you of what you promised her. Your fingers dig into the curve of her ass and you feel her breasts rubbing against your abs. Her mouth is so hot and wet and perfect on you, making you lose your breath every time her tongue touches you.

“Fuck, Nat,” you whimper, feeling like you’re losing control of yourself. You’re not even sure if what you’re doing to her anymore is working because all you can think about is the throbbing in your lower stomach that begs to be released. Your back arches off the bed when her tongue lashes at your clit and she struggles and fails to push down on your thighs to keep you grounded. “Nat, I can’t,” you warn, a little embarrassed at how fast you’re ready to release.

“It’s okay,” you hear Natasha say, “Cum for me, baby.”

White floods your vision and all the muscles in your body tighten as you spill into her mouth, a moan catching in your throat. Your head spins in a rush of endorphins and you’re practically convulsing underneath Natasha when you finally come down from your high. She purrs in delight at her success, gently squeezing at your thighs. And as much as you want to flip her around and press her head against your chest, you still do owe her.

Natasha’s second orgasm is a little more subdued but just as pleasurable. She bites the inside of your thigh to quiet the noise of her moan and you almost cum again. But once she finds the strength to move, Natasha crawls back up to you, nuzzling the side of your head and kissing you. Normally, you could go several rounds without even stopping for a break, but you’re unusually exhausted today. Maybe it was from waking up at four o’clock to work on breakfast for everyone or making sure that the Christmas activities throughout the day ran smoothly.

Natasha rests her head on your chest, listening to your steady heartbeat and you rub her shoulder, tilting your head down to breathe in the faded scent of her shampoo.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” she whispers.

“Merry Christmas, darling.”

***********************************************************************

January 2, 2024

Dear Diary,

Professor Xavier called me personally to his office today. I was really nervous that I was in trouble for something. I’m still not sure how I feel about his mind-reading thing. I try to keep my thoughts in check when he’s around, but I think that makes it seem like I’m hiding something. But other than that, he’s only ever been polite and respectful to me, and I can tell Y/N really looks up to him as a mentor and father figure.

He told me he has a lead on where the Red Room could be and asked if I still want to pursue them. Of course I do, but I know Y/N isn’t happy about it. I thought she would understand more. I know she’s got her own past that she hasn’t told me the entirety of yet (not that she’s required to), but she’s told a few stories so I know her situation is similar enough to mine. I wish she was more supportive instead of trying to talk me out of it, but I know she’s worried too. She doesn’t want me rushing back into danger and I totally get that. But I just…I can’t stay here and be cared for and protected and loved when there are so many of my sisters still being held against their will and forced into doing horrible things.

Luckily, the professor seems more understanding of things. But I don’t want him or anyone else here risking their lives for me. If I have to go alone, I will. I don’t know if I can do it alone, though. I’m sure Y/N will insist on tagging along no matter what. I just hope she doesn’t get too grumpy about the whole thing.

Love,

Nat

***********************************************************************

January 4, 2024

Dear Diary,

I still haven’t told Y/N what the professor told me 2 days ago (assuming she hasn’t already gone through my diary and read about it here). I tried to mention it after dinner, but I could tell as soon as I let the “R” word slip she was not paying attention to the conversation anymore. I don’t want my frustration to build up, so I’ll probably have to be straightforward about it, which isn’t easy.

I know the professor can hear all of my thoughts, so I wonder if he’s going to get tired of them and just talk to Y/N himself. But probably not. This is my problem to handle. I’ll find the courage somehow to deal with it.

I just hope it doesn’t cause Y/N to look down on me for this. I’m already nervous that I’m constantly annoying her, and if she gets fed up enough and kicks me out I will literally have nowhere to go and at that point, I’d welcome back the Red Room with open arms. That probably seems a little dramatic, but I really don’t want to risk losing the best person that ever came into my life. I have Y/N to thank for everything I have here, and I think most people in my position would call me crazy for trying to make any changes to my situation.

But I’m not like most people. And I have to do what I think is right, even if others try to stop me.

I’ll bring it up to Y/N later again. Maybe if I catch her in a good mood she’ll be more receptive to the idea. Wishing luck to my future self.

Love,

Nat

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AN: Please leave likes, comments, and reblog! Follow for more content. 🥰

Multipart sequel in the works!

#natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x female reader

224 notes · View notes

devildomsoup · 10 months

Note

Hi hi! I love you writing! Keep up the amazing work! 💕💕

If it’s okay to request, could you write a scenario in which MC is talking to the brothers/side characters, whoever is easier for you, about to wit interest or retelling an event that happened that day but slowly go quiet because MC thinks they’re being ignored or annoying the brothers/side characters

But the brothers/side characters notice this immediately and tell MC to keep talking because they love listening MC talk

Conversations Cut Short

Genre: Hurt/comfort

Characters: Simeon, Solomon, Barbatos and Diavolo

MC: gender neutral they/them

Type: Scenario

A/N: I thought I had posted this already turns out it has been sitting in my drafts for weeks oopsie.

Do you ever get that awful feeling that you annoy someone by talking to them?

That was the exact feeling that was brewing inside MC. That uncomfortable jab to the heart when you share something with people only to realize that nobody is listening. It hurts, doesn’t it?

It makes you feel alone.

It can even make you feel worthless.

𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧

“So then we went to the cafeteria to find out what in the world was going on. But it turned out it was just Beel’s stomach growling. It’s honestly kinda impressive that his stomach can be so loud and… oh,” MC trailed off.

Suddenly it did not matter how excited they were to tell Simeon about their cafeteria adventures. Because it seems like he was not really interested at all. Was he just asking what had happened to be polite?

Then why even bother asking at all?

It left a bitter taste in MC's mouth. They would have preferred if he did not ask at all instead of ignoring them. It just feels like a kick to the stomach.

The room was no silent science MC had now stopped talking. The silence only made them feel worse. Because it just highlighted how little Simeon had been participating in the conversation. There had not even been an uninterested “Mhm” or an “I see” from him. He was just sitting there with his eyes closed and head turned away from MC.

“You know you could have just told me if you didn’t want to hear about it,” Mc whispered.

They were tightly gripping the edge of their shirt as they looked at their feet. They honestly didn’t know how to feel right now. Sure people had ignored the before they just never expected Simeon to do it. For some reason, it felt even worse when he did it.

“But I do want to hear what you have to say,” Simeon said, making MC look at him.

“Oh,” Was all that left MC’s lips.

“What made you think I didn't want to hear what you have to say?”

“I don’t know… I guess it just kind of felt like you were ignoring me. So I just assumed you didn’t want to talk,” MC responded.

Simeon just gently shook his head before answering.

“I would love to hear how your cafeteria adventure went. I should have probably told you that I tend to close my eyes when people tell longer stories. Luke has even reminded me to do so several times.”

“He has?” MC asked.

“Yeah, he has. He kept telling me to do so because it looks like I’m ignoring people. He really did have a point, didn’t he? But I do enjoy listening to you talk,” Simeon said resting a hand on MC’s shoulder.

“Well then I guess I should tell you how things ended,” MC said with a small smile.

“Please do.”

𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐧

And he is not listening… Great. MC stopped mid-sentence when that all too familiar feeling started to bubble inside their chest. MC shook their head in hopes of getting rid of it but it just would not go away. They tried to convince themself that they were just overthinking and that Solomon was not ignoring them. But no matter how hard they tried, the feeling did not stop.

Biting the inside of their cheek MC tried to look as normal as possible, hoping Solomon would not notice.

But he did notice

“Why did you stop talking?” Solomon asked.

“Oh uhm, no reason.”

Hopefully, Solomon would just assume MC forgot what they were going to say. But luck was not on their side today. Instead of just moving on to another topic Solomon just quietly looked at MC waiting for them to say something.

After a few moments of silence, Solomon decided to take matters into his own hands.

“No, there definitely was a reason. You can tell me you know”

“Don’t worry about it was nothing important,” Mc said with a strained smile.

The smile was sadly not very convincing and Solomon continued to push MC for an answer.

“It felt like you were ignoring me,” MC said quietly, finally answering Solomon’s question.

Solomon went quiet for a moment before reaching out both of his hands to hold MC’s. He gently stroked MC’s hands with his thumbs and looked them in the eyes in the most gentle way possible.

“You should have told me right away.”

“I guess I should have done that. I don’t know why I didn’t do it. Guess I’m just being silly,” MC responded with yet another strained smile.

“It’s okay." Sometimes you just can’t get yourself to those things. But I promise you I wasn't ignoring you. Why don’t you finish telling me about your day?”

“Are you sure?” MC asked.

“Absolutely sure, I love the sound of your voice.”

𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐬

Something did not feel right about this. Were they annoying? This was Barbatos’ break, yet the two were discussing MC’s interest. Sure Barbatos was the one who asked about it in the first place but that still did not help the feeling gnawing at MC’s heart.

Mc could not get themself to continue talking. It just did not feel right.

Barbatos tilted his head to the side at MC’s sudden silence.

The silence continued. Not a single word left MC’s mouth.

A few moments went by and there was still only silence.

“MC?”

“Yes?”

“Why did you stop?”

“Oh, no particular reason.”

Barbatos’ narrowed his eyes and looked at MC. He did not believe them at all.

“Are you perhaps thinking I’m annoyed by the topic?”

“Ah… Well I mean you are not wrong.”

MC looked at the ground not knowing what to do. It was true what Barbatos said. But now that he had said it mc was at a loss for words. After another few moments of silence Mc finally spoke.

“It’s just that this is your break but we are talking about my interests. It feels sort of wrong. it feels like I’m just kind of bothering you instead of letting you enjoy your break.”

“You are not annoying me. I was the one who asked you to talk about it. I quite enjoy listening to you talk about your interests.”

“Is it really okay?” Mc asked, still unsure.

They were afraid he might just have said it out of politeness. MC did not want Barbatos to feel like he was forced to listen to them ramble on and on about their interests. Barbatos gently grabbed Mc by the hand and gave them a small smile.

“I can assure you that I want to actually hear what you have to say. I’m not just doing this to be polite.”

“Wait, how did you know that?” MC asked, a bit surprised Barbatos knew what they were thinking.

“Let's just say I had a hunch. Now why don’t you continue our previous conversion? I promise you that I do want to hear what you have to say,” Barbatos responded.

𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐨

They did it again. They became too enthusiastic while talking about one of their interests. MC’s smile started to falter. The happiness they had been feeling moments ago was slowly being replaced by an all too familiar sadness. Why did they have to do it again? MC knew that people got annoyed by the intensity so why did not turn it down?

A million questions of why flooded MC’s mind. All they wanted to do was share their interest. Why did it always end this way? MC really did try to not get too enthusiastic. Which only made the whole thing worse.

“Is everything alright MC?” Dovolo asked, concerned by their sudden silence.

“Yeah everything is fine don’t worry,” MC responded with a strained smile.

they hoped that Diavole would be fooled by it but it is hard to fool someone who can read you like a book.

“MC what’s wrong?”

What were they supposed to say? They did not want Diavolo to worry but he would also know immediately that they were lying.

“I’m sorry if I got a bit annoying. I will try to tone it down.”

Diavolo was confused by MC’s answer. He was enjoying the conversation. MC’s enthusiasm showed that they were talking about something they hold dear and he was happy that they wanted to share it with him.

“You are not annoying. what would make you say that?”

MC looked away from Diavolo before answering.

“People tend to be annoyed by my ramblings and you got very quiet all of a sudden so I just kind of assumed you were annoyed by me too. Sorry”

Diavolo tilted his head slightly and smiled at MC.

“You don’t have to apologize. I got quiet because I was fascinated by what you were saying. You will never be annoying to me.”

Mc smiled back at Diavolo, reassured by his words.

"Thank you. That makes me really happy.”

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me mc #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #obey me gender neutral mc #obey me gn!mc #obey me writing #obey me scenarios

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thebdsmsofurlife · 17 days

Text

Masturbation Instructions[M][f][D/s][JOI][orgasm control]

Hey there my little horny slut. Looks like you’re having a bit of trouble sleeping. *laughs* Now remind me, how many days have you been in my blog? Your helpless whimpering desperation sounds like you so frantically want to get off and touch yourself. But you can’t, because you need my permission. Daddy’s little slut needs control and discipline. You need someone to command you in order to feel the most satisfying sense of release. Isn’t that right? Hmmm, I don’t know, you don’t sound like you need it that much. Start begging. Tell Daddy how much you need to touch, how much you desperatelyyyy need the slightest pleasurable sensation on your greedy, wet, useless pussy. Beg harder! Try to really convince me your need as your pussy pulsates for attention. Say, “Please Daddy, this horny slut needs Daddy’s permission to touch her useless, needy pussy.” Again… and again… one more time… Hmmm, fine, maybe I’ll show you a bit of mercy and kindlyyy allow you to touch.

Now get into your favorite masturbation position, whether you enjoy lying down or sitting in a chair, using your fingers, a toy, or rubbing on a pillow. Take a deep breath and relax for me. Good girl! How about let’s start slow and softly, rub in slow circles for me and follow the speed of my soothing voice. Round, round, round, round... Continue at the same speed and pressure as I give the next instructions. Next, I want you to rub up and down your slit. Up, down, up, down, up….. down…. STOP! *laughs* I love watching you squirm around when you get denied of complete touch. Now continue rubbing, putting a bit more pressure on your greedy pussy. Go round, round, round, round, round (a bit faster here). That must feel good huh? I think it has been a while since your pussy last felt something this pleasurable. You are such a good girl for listening to Daddy’s each and every command. Now give that touch a bit more pressure and go faster: round, round, round, round, round… STOP! Your pussy clenches and your body tenses, trying to control yourself from further pleasure. You are intoxicated with the thought of following my each and every instruction, not daring to ever disobey. You really are a good girl and have come so far in our training. Alright, continue touching at your own desired pace and pressure. Ahhh that must feel REALLY good doesn’t it? Don’t you love edging solely for Daddy’s pleasure and entertainment? Answer me. Be an obedient little slut and say, “yes, Daddy.” Good girl!

Now I’m going to start counting down for you. Remember, try to get to the edge and most importantly, STAY on the edge. When you get too close, stop completely or slow down. Resume at your desired pace when you lose your edge. If you are truly a skilled, horny girl for Daddy, you will continue to edge and hold that edge as you rub. DO NOT cum before I say so because I know you are an obedient slut and there will be consequences. You only get to cum when I say so, you understand? Now beg me to start counting down for you. Tell me how desperate you already are, maybe already on the edge for me. *laughs* You really have been in denial for a little while, haven’t you? Maybe tonight is the night!

Alright, 30…

29… Oh what’s wrong? You were expecting me to count from 10 *laughs* You thought this was meant to be easy for you? Daddy wants to see how well he has trained his slut.

28…

27…

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21…

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19… Daddy loves the idea of you being an owned, helpless, and worthless slut. Not even able to own your own orgasms. Your whole body is for me to be used and abused. You cannot make any decision of your own, all of your pleasure belongs to me… Now remind me where was I? Maybe we should start over…

60…

59… *laugh* Oh did I didn’t start at 60 last time? I’m sorry, you know Daddy has a poor memory.

58…

57…

56…

55…

54…

53…

52��

51…

50…

59…

58… Oh wait did I start over? *laughs* I’m sorry, that’s kind of embarrassing, huh? I love how closely you pay attention to my each, and every count, begging me to go faster and realizing my little mistakes. I love watching you squirm in your own bed or in your seat, trying to do everything in your own control to not cum. DON’T YOU DARE CUM. YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION, do you understand? Now where was I?

57…

56…

55…

54…

53…

52…

51…

50…

49…

48…

47… DO NOT CUM. STAY ON THE EDGE FOR ME, SLUT

46…

45…

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41…

40…

39… You love being an obedient slut for Daddy. Listen to me. Each, individual command should be intoxicating for you. I bet without my daily instructions, you would just cum every day. Isn’t that a bit reckless? Keeping you in denial ensures your obedience and loyalty to me. I love seeing how horny you get after weeks without release.

38…

37…

36…

35…

34…

33…

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31…

30… You are such a good girl for Daddy. It must feel so good to be feeling this much pleasure and staying on the edge for me. This is the greatest amount of pleasure you have been able to receive in weeks. Don’t you love it?

29…

28…

27… Oh we are getting pretty close!

26…

25…

24… Any day now, you will soon get permission to cum!

23…

22…

21...

20… Is tonight the night you are finally able to cum for Daddy? I love watching my eager slut rubbing for Daddy so desperately.

19…

18…

17…

16… You probably should start begging if you really want release. Daddy can easily take this all away from you. Let me hear a bit of gratitude from my little horny slut.

15… Good girl!

14…

13…

12…

11…

10… *really slow down here*

9…

8… Oh, you want me to count faster? *laughs* But I enjoy watching you struggle soooo much! This truly is so enjoyable for me to completely control my little girl

7… Have you gotten yourself to the edge yet?

6… hmmmm, I wonder how many times you have edged for Daddy…

5… Come on, get close for me and please me.

4… DO NOT CUM, listen to me and stay obedient!

3… You must be sooo close, HOLD IT

2… We are sooo close to getting your orgasm!

NOW STOP. STOP TOUCHING NOW. HANDS OFF AND LIFT YOUR PUSSY OFF ANYTHING YOU WERE GRINDING. *laugh* Did you really think you were going to get your release tonight, silly girl? You still have at least a week before Daddy even considers giving you an orgasm. Now hopefully that edging was enough to tire you out. Tsk tsk tsk, It looks like it’s already past your bedtime. Now hurry up and go to bed. You need all the rest you can get tonight to continue a new day of service tomorrow. Good night my horny slut!

#bd/sm daddy #daddy k!nk #daddy’s babygirl #bd/sm kink #rough daddy #r@pe kink #cnc free use #cvmdump #cnc k!nk #rough cnc

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boybandbaby · 1 year

Text

I'm Not The Only One Part 2

Summary: The aftermath of your enemy Steve telling you that your boyfriend cheated on you.

Word Count: 2387

Note: Not revised. Part 1 here

As you walked up to Matt’s door, you were afraid of what might happen. You desperately wanted to speak to Robin about what happened but then Steve dropped a bomb on you. Instead of worrying about the Friday incident, you were not concerned your boyfriend was cheating on you. You really hoped that Steve was just being his usual asshole self, but the way he said it and the look in his eyes told you he was being sincere. So here you were, at Matt’s doorstep, knocking pathetically.

After a few moments that felt decades long, the door swung open to reveal your boyfriend. His smile grew when he saw you and you nearly melted at the sight. “Hi baby,” he reached out for you.

“Baby?” You shook yourself out of your trance. “I’ve been calling you all weekend. Where have you been?”

“I just thought maybe you needed some time to cool off from Friday.” He shrugged. “You were really mad at me.”

“I think I had the right to be mad.” You scoffed.

“I mean come on Y/n, we’ve been dating for a month and you still haven’t let me kiss you.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Is that why you were kissing another girl after I left your house?” You question. “And don’t lie to me.”

“Look, Annalise called me to hang out and yeah we kissed but we’re not getting back together or anything. We can just forget it ever happened.” Matt reached a hand out to you.

“Are you insane? It may seem like no big deal to you but it is to me. That’s cheating.” You slap his hand away. “You’re unbelievable really.” You turn, heading back down the path. “Oh, and Grease is overdue, idiot.” You slam your car door as you finish getting in.

The first thing you can think of is to go see Eddie. You know his weird antics and personality can cheer you up in a heartbeat. The drive to his trailer is filled with the noise of sad ballads and your sleeved hand constantly wiping your eyes. Why were you crying? Matt was definitely not worth it and you knew that but you couldn’t help feeling worthless and unwanted.

As you park outside Eddie’s trailer, you look into the mirror and sigh. Your eyes were red, your hair was a mess, and your skin was sticky with old and new tears. You see Uncle Wayne on the porch, “Eddie, your little friend is here!”

You chuckle at his words and grab your bag before stepping out. Eddie rushes down the three steps and opens his long arms to engulf you. “Hey, come ‘ere.” He says quietly. You immediately enter his embrace and wrap your arms around his waist. “He’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, I know.” You sighed and lean your cheek against his chest.

“You staying for dinner kiddo?” Wayne asks and you nod. “I’ll be heading to the store for food them. Be back in a bit.” Wayne gives Eddie a look.

“Let’s get you inside.” Eddie smiles and pulls you inside. “I can show you the new guitar strap that Dustin got me.”

Steve had called Eddie as soon as you left the store. He had filled him in on the entire situation.

“Okay so we’re going to go kick his ass right?�� Eddie had told Steve through the phone.

“Eddie, you’re her friend. You have to do it.”

“Okay but you’re…meatier. I’m skinny. You’ve seen me shirtless. I need backup.” Eddie states. “Plus, someone has to comfort Y/n and I know it is impossible for you to be nice to her.”

“Hey, I can be nice.” Steve whines. “I was nice today.”

“Only because you had too.” Eddie snorts. “Look, you go kick his ass and I’ll go comfort Y/n.”

“I’m not kicking his ass alone Eddie.” Steve rolls his eyes.

“How about neither of you kick his ass and both of you just go check on Y/n.” Robin adds, holding a box of new tapes. “Y/n is plenty capable of kicking Matt’s ass by herself.”

“That’s true.” Steve laughs. “Well, I don’t think she’ll want to see me so… Eddie just take care of her okay? Let me know if she needs anything.” He ends the call after a few more moments, saying goodbye to Eddie.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad.” Robin laughs. “So so bad.”

“Robin.” Steve scolds. “I’m just being nice because she’s going through a tough time.”

“This could be what you need to start dating her. Swoop in to be her knight in shining armor or whatever.” Robin’s eyes light up.

“Alright, that’s enough out of you.” Steve shakes his head, “I’m going on break.”

“So what did you tell Steve when he told you?” Eddie asks, sitting on the floor, rummaging through an old storage bin. You look down at him as you lay on your stomach across his bed, flipping through a magazine.

“I mean, not much really. I basically interrogated him on what he saw and tried to verify if it was the truth.” You shrugged. “I seriously thought he was playing a joke on me.”

“I know he’s mean to you but not that mean. I think he likes you honestly.” Eddie bites his lip. “Imagine you and Harrington.” He ponders, “actually I think I almost threw up.”

“Shut up.” You toss a pillow in his direction. “He doesn’t like me. He can barely be in my presence. He said I was the Wicked Witch of the West, ya know?”

“If you’re the bad witch then I must be Glinda the good witch, huh?” Eddie raises a brow.

“Absolutely not. You have the hair to be Dorothy though.” You laugh.

“I would look good in red sparkly heels and we both know it.” Eddie flips his hair off his shoulder. “But seriously, Harrington’s got the hots for you. He was all like,” Eddie switches his voice to mimic Steve’s. “‘Take care of my beautiful, wonderful future wife Y/n’ and ‘let’s kick Matt’s ass to avenge Y/n’s sweet soul’ and the best one ‘let me know if Y/n needs anything. And I mean anything Eddie.’” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows.

“He did not say any of that, you weirdo.” You toss another pillow at him.

“You’re going to be pillowless in the next five minutes.” Eddie stands up to hit you in the head with the pillows, then stands a seat on the bed in the most obnoxious way making the entire bed bounce. “Remember when I first introduced you to the group? You thought Steve was cute. You even asked if he was single.”

“Which he technically wasn’t with all the dates he was going on.” You roll over onto your back. “I don’t know Eddie. Steve is cute but the past two years of bickering kinda just made me not really find him attractive.”

“Yeah yeah, I bet you’ll be dating or fucking by the end of the year.” Eddie lays beside you. “There’s so much sexual tension between you guys.”

“I hate you sometimes.” You laugh. “Let’s go see if Wayne needs our help.” You sit up and climb over him.

You had decided it would be a good time to thank Steve for looking out for you. It was Friday, only four days since you found out about Matt from Steve and confronted Matt yourself. As you walked up to Steve’s door, you remembered the last time you were here and how Steve had yelled at you. Maybe this was a bad idea. As you reached the porch of his house, you thought better and decided to just give him a call instead of your original plan. You turn back and start racing back to your car when you hear the door open.

“Y/n?” You hear. Your body freezes and you really wish you could just disappear.

Without turning around you reply with a quiet “Hey Steve.”

“You okay?” Steve asks, stepping out onto the porch after grabbing a jacket hanging near his door. “Did you just get off of work?”

“Um yeah, I just wanted to stop by to thank you.” You slowly turn around, scolding yourself mentally for not changing out of your uniform before coming to his place.

“Are those flowers? For me?” He points to the small bouquet in your hand. “You got me flowers?”

“Um… yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to bring over. Robin said you were laying off the sweets so I didn’t bring any desserts over. I’m sorry this is stupid. I just wanted to say thank you for being so kind on Monday and throughout the week. I know you asked Eddie and Robin to keep you updated on me. I’m fine now. Really. So thank you.” You rush out, turning to leave. “Oh wait, here.” You turn back around and shove the flowers into his chest. “Bye. Thank you. I’m sorry. Bye.” You hug your body and run back to your car. He’s quicker than you, shutting the door just as you open it.

“Do you want to come in?” He searches for your eyes. “You look cold. I can make hot chocolate or something?” He offers, unsure. “Only if you want.”

“You sure?” You squint your eyes and meet his.

“Yeah, I wasn’t busy or anything. Just making some food.” He smiles softly. “There’s enough for two.”

It’s his smile that has you immediately locking your car door and following him into his house. He waits for you to step inside his house before going in himself, like a gentleman. He shivers as he takes off his jacket.

“I’m supposed to put the flowers in water right?” He sets the bouquet on the counter. You had momentarily forgotten about the flowers. Your cheeks flush with heat and somehow he senses your embarrassment. “You know, no one has ever gotten me flowers before? I don’t even think I have a vase.” He mumbles as he searches the cabinets. “You okay? You’re quiet. You know you can have a seat.” He looks up to see you still standing near the entryway to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be awkward.” You laugh.

“You’re not.” He assures. “We haven’t had a good relationship so it makes sense why this is weird.” He smiles again and holds a red tinted vase he found under the sink. “I found one.”

“Let me help you.” You offer, holding the vase as he runs the water. “So you’ve been on hundreds of dates and not one girl has given you flowers?”

“Surprisingly no. I guess it’s just the whole gender roles and norms. I hope I didn’t embarrass you, I was just surprised.” He turns the faucet off.

“Well, I’m glad I got them then. Robin wasn’t much help. She wanted me to get you a funny greeting card. There’s not really a card that says, ‘I know we hate each other but thanks for saving me from a potential shitty relationship.’”

“I guess that’s true.” He shrugs. “You know I don’t hate you right? Slightly dislike but not hate.” He nudges your arm as he takes the vase and places it on the counter.

“It sounded like you hated me when you told me to get out of Hawkins.” You start to unwrap the flowers. “I was never trying to replace you Steve. I just wanted to be part of the group. I hope you know that.”

“I still regret saying that to you. You looked so sad but instead of apologizing I just… I don’t know. I guess I thought it was better to be mean to you then accept the fact that the others liked you. I don’t know how much you know about me but I’m usually home alone and other than my friends, I don’t have anybody.” He says honestly, voice laced with sadness.

“You have me?” You offer. “Like moving forward? We could be friends. We can hang out without the mean comments and stealing my snacks.”

“Even after everything I’ve done? You’d still want to be friends?” He looks down to his slippers. “I was a jerk.”

“Yeah you were. Especially by calling me a witch.” You laugh. He looks up at you and thinks it’s music to his ears. “I’m sorry for saying you have no heart and that you were a coward. Both of those aren’t true.”

“So I still have no brain?” He fakes being hurt.

“I mean you can be pretty stupid.” You smile, “like that one time at the fair when you got the hot pickle and immediately spit it out because it was spicy.”

“I thought it was like, going to be hot in temperature.” He defends.

“Who eats a warm pickle? Pickles are meant to be eaten cold.” You argue.

“Yeah yeah, that was pretty stupid.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You know, I regret not taking up your offer to ride the ferris wheel that day.”

“I saw that you wanted to go but no one would go with you. You kept looking up at the wheel and the lights of the rides made your eyes look so pretty. I just had to ask you.” You scoot closer to him, your sides touching as you busied yourself with separating the flowers. “But then you rejected me!” You nudged him this time.

“I’m sorry!” He covers his face. “I’m really sorry. Not just about that but everything else.” He says more quietly.

“I’ve already forgiven you, Steve.” You start rearranging the flowers into the vase. “We’re good now. Promise.”

“Good.” He smiles down at you. “You hungry?”

“Starving.” You step back to look at your work. “They look so pretty.”

“Yeah, they do.” Steve agrees, though his eyes are on you not the flowers. You turn to look at him.

“You’re pretty too, Steve.” You bite your lip and take a seat at the kitchen island to distract yourself from the butterflies erupting inside your stomach. What was happening? You thought. How’d you go from hating each other to flirting?

Steve knew once he told Robin about his night, he wouldn’t be hearing the end of it. Enemies to lovers? Maybe, he was a cliche. He really didn’t mind that idea.

Taglist: @yaskna

#steve harrington x reader

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spacexseven · 1 year

Note

I saw everyone discussing subordinate au dazai and mean!chuuya with a Very Tiny subordinate and I'd like to propose a counterpoint: darling that's significantly bigger than both of them. preface: while I personally have in mind a male!darling for this I encourage all my buff fem likers to envision that instead if thats more ur speed.

ok for dazai i think hes really gonna enjoy this, both when hes in Cruel Mode and when hes in Obsessive Mode. cruel dazai is just into it cuz he gets a very significant power trip out of forcing someone who could typically snap him clean in half to bow to his whims without question, but obsessive dazai is more. well ill just come right out and say it the man's horny. he quickly finds he rather enjoys having to look up at them or yank them down by the front of their shirt (or leash) to get a kiss. he also 1000% starts acting like a princess in this scenario. demands to be carried (and giggles about how strong and dreamy darling is the whole time), clings onto darlings arm when walking anywhere, pretending he cant open things and whining for darling to do it for him, you get it.

chuuya... hes conflicted. before hes Into darling this is just another reason on his list that they need to get their ass kicked and HES gonna be the man to do it. its such complete horseshit that this worthless nobody grunt this THIS much bigger than HIM, the executive! he pretends this doesnt bother him as much as he can but oh my GOD it grates on him every second. he hates how much they tower over him and how big their muscles are and how they could probably pick him up really easily... yeah... hates that....

once hes out of denial about his feelings he stops being such a little bitch about their height, its not THEIR fault, and theyre his most precious thing ever he couldn't possibly hate something about them! but it will be VERY hard to get him to admit to anyone that he likes how tall they are... well, maybe when hes got them alone hell be more forthcoming.

-🩹

hehe im actually taller than chuuya (not by a lot but yeah) so this is. this has me grinning lol princess dazai...i cannot stand this man1!1!! im glad we have yet another similar consensus

dazai always gets off the control and authority he has over you, but somehow the notable size difference between the two of you only has him basking in more triumph and self-satisfaction. he'll definitely enjoy the process of humiliating you any chance he gets, and he's even more thrilled when you first meet him and you don't look terrified by the end of the introduction.

(going back to our previous discussions about dazai and the leash yeessss) so dazai's idea of peak humiliation involves the infamous leash and a whole lot of name-calling. in this case, he's even more exhilarated at the sight of you all collared up and calling him master. it doesn't take anything more than a moment of you looking away to get punished now.

once dazai's obsession kicks in full force, you can expect him to be absolutely shameless. his sadistic streak seems to have vanished into thin air, because he's apparently completely helpless. both of you know dazai is more than capable of carrying things himself and that he doesn't need an escort but you also can't refuse him anyway. and unfortunately, dazai will just. stop walking. from now on he expects to be carried everywhere (unless you're too tired ofc) and you don't have a say in the matter, because he will cling onto your arm or leg and refuse to let go until you comply. he's obviously feeling you up at any chance he gets and he's 100x more clingy than before. previously, he hated when you had to look down to meet his eyes but now, he's all for it. he relishes in it, even. the grabbing you by the collar for a kiss? it's all he does, so don't even try to stop him.

chuuya's convinced this was on purpose. why else would they recruit you if not to piss him off?? if you think you're so much better than him, just you wait! he'll humble you and put you back in your place. you don't have to do anything for him to feel slighted and ready to fight. he's so infuriated by your presence that anything can set him off.

he's overcompensating for his insecurities and his attraction to you, but he doesn't want to admit it. he's provoked by how built you are and how tall you are and how you're looking down on him! and you easily you can pick him up and throw him around and. he hates everything! 100% not intrigued at all, and he definitely does not want to put his thoughts to the test.

but afterwards, when he's finally come to terms with the fact that he's harboring an unhealthy obsession with you, he's all...understanding about it. chuuya goes on about how it's totally out of your control that you're so tall but he loves you and he doesn't care about it. he's indifferent towards it yep no internal desire towards this aspect of you. just like dazai though it's quite obvious he's more than neutral about your height. he doesn't complain about it and he definitely doesn't seem to hate having you grab you by the collar. he's all for it...because...it's asserting dominance...and not for any other reason. (give him some time to warm up and then he'll be almost as shamless as dazai)

#love how dazai is going from evil tormentor to...gremlin #chuuya my beloved #ask 🐟#anon 🐟#dazai 🩹 🐟#dazai 🐟#bsd 🐟#subordinate au 🐟#yandere x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bsd x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bungou stray dogs

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mytalemyworld · 2 years

Text

Some thoughts about Love Like The Galaxy

I was a bit reluctant to start this show. Because A) Chinese period dramas can be very heavy and I wasn't in a mood to watch something so serious B) It was like yesterday I watched the male lead in Nirvana in Fire and I thought I would have a hard time to accept him as a general.

It turned out I was wrong in the both aspects. Because A) The drama balances the heavy moments with the light hearted ones and B) I was sold out to the show after watching him in a couple of the scenes. He may be like a Terminator and a little too cold for my taste (he has reasons for being this way ofc) but oh my in action he is really something else.

It has been ages since I was deeply invested in a serious period chinese drama. I literally can't wait for the new episode and I wanted to explain why this is a great drama and recommend it if you're looking for a cdrama to watch. Even if you haven't watched any period cdrama before.

Usually I can tell if I will be hooked on a tv show after watching the first 30 minutes of it and this show wasn’t an exception either. Because the world building and the characters in this 30 minutes length are so good.

First of all you don’t get bombarded with lots of background information or confusing flashbacks. You start learning everything step by step.

Second of all, the leads were immediately shown under interesting circumstances and the writers put some flesh on the bones even in this limited time.

And the first meeting of OTP.

Intriguing and making you crave to see more because you could already tell they would be one hell of a couple (and later epic!) I may write a post only about them later but from the very start the show made a clever choice and built up a huge anticipation for them to meet again while giving delicious otp scenes when they weren't even in the same frame.

About the light hearted moments...

When we were given these scenes...I was like yeah clearly a big budget show and it would be epic but then the show made a slight turn and you found yourself watching the female lead's family shenanigans. I was a bit confused about what the show would be about but later you came to understand why this choice had been made.

Because this is kind of coming of age story for the female lead and you MUST see whom she had dealt with throughout her whole life and what kind of person she turned into. Secondly, it is also a smart move to know the main characters, all relationships and kinships before telling the big events.

For example the show first revolves around a military embezzlement which then turns out to be there is more to this issue than meets the eye. And while showing this, we can see some critical morality choices of the main characters and little otp moments.

Also there is one thing seriously makes the show much more light hearted which is the emperor himself. Probably this is the first time I've ever seen in a show that the emperor ships OTP very hard. Usually the emperor or someone from the imperial family goes against this relationship but in this show he is like their fairy godmother. I mean...even though I think this is refreshing I still find the whole general-emperor relationship weird. Because sometimes the male lead even answers back to the emperor in front of the strangers... For example:

The Emperor: *being intimidating and scaring her* Meanwhile Zhisheng:

She and her father: *gasp* The Emperor: YOU. LITTLE. SHIT.

Well, I know he dotes on Zhisheng but come on, there is too much fiction going on here.

The pros of the show for me, this show is not about imperial mind games or cruel power games. Yes, of course there is enmity, jealousy and dangerous power dynamics but none of these make this show darker. The show is about the choices and consequences of them, the darker elements are mostly about these consequences which sometimes lead to a war, or a huge massacre or cause a child to feel worthless.

Also there are some scenes contain too much blood and violence which I don't find gruesome but some may, but still this is not unnecessary violence, I can assure you.

This removing arrow scene got all my attention for example, I watched the entire scene without blinking, even though it lasted long like a damn lifetime.

What can I say, romance at all costs.

But this one particularly gave me goosebumps.

So in conclusion, I can certainly recommend this show even though it hasn’t ended yet. I know it can be difficult to wait for the new episode, but this one is worth it, I think.

#love like the galaxy #cdrama #leo wu #zhao lusi #thoughts #drama recommendations

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saffron0v0 · 9 months

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I've procrastinated long enough!

I am going to finally write the Zenitsu chapter of the therapy sessions! LET'S GOOOOOOOOO.

*before zenitsu gets to go inside the room, aoi gives Sayaki some fair warnings about zenitsu's behavior*

Zenitsu: excuse me... Is anyone here? *he opens the door after sleepily knocking*

Sayaki: what a pleasant day to see you, agatsuma-san.

Zenitsu: IT IS INDEED, MADAM!

Sayaki: Please calm down agatsuma-san! I would like you to know that I am a married woman, so I would appreciate it if you would behave yourself!

Zenitsu: Oh, I... See. *he says sitting down with a blush of both embarrassment and disappointment.*

Sayaki: Agatsuma-san, you know why you're here right?

Zenitsu: *nods, head still bowed down*

Sayaki: Then would you mind talking a little about yourself? A small introduction would be a good start.

Zenitsu: *hesitates, but then slowly starts talking* Well, as you may already know, my name is Agatsuma Zenitsu, I am going to turn 17 very soon. I am an orphan who has no brothers or sisters, and I might as well be labeled homeless. I was taken in by my jii-chan a few years ago, and was trained to be a demon slayer to pay off my debts.

Sayaki: So you came into this lifestyle because you were indebted money? May I ask how you got into the spiral of debt?

Zenitsu: I kept buying expensive gifts for my ex until she decided I wasn't worth it and ditched me for a much more handsome and rich man from Tokyo. *he seethed at the memory of that shameless disgusting man and his gold digging ex* It was the 7th time that happened and I was already in a huge mountain of debt, so my only escape was letting jii-chan pay it off in exchange of becoming his successor.

Sayaki: That explains... Alot. It seems that you are desperately trying to get married from what I heard, and that you have your eyes set on Kamado-chan.

Zenitsu: *intensively nods* I'd lie and I'd kill to keep her with me.

Sayaki: Agatsuma-san, do you not realize that this destructive mindset will just make you feel worse?

Zenitsu: *tilts head questioningly*

Sayaki: From what you said, you had seven girlfriends, and what lead you to the path of becoming a demon slayer, is falling too hard in love with someone, who you barely know, or someone who doesn't love you back. I know it hurts, but what can you do? I've been here for a few days. I saw you interact with Kamado-change from afar, she clearly sees you as a younger brother from the way she treats you.

Zenitsu: No way.. NEZUKO-CHAN WOULD NEVER!

*elsewhere*

Nezuko: *sneezes and feels a chill down her spine*

Back with zenitsu:

Zenitsu: *intensively crying* no woman would ever love me! It's not fair! Even nezuko-chan considers me worthless! I am totally pathetic! If I wasn't a cowardish crybaby then maybe nezuko-chan would've loved me! It's not fair! It's not!

Sayaki: AGATSUMA-SAN! CALM DOWN PLEASE! *loudly clears her throat as zenitsu's cries reduce to sobs* so it seems that you don't have any positive feelings for yourself-

Zenitsu: OF COURSE I DON'T! WHAT WOULD ANYONE LIKE ABOUT ME? I AM A PATHETIC LOSER, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M TOO SCARED, AND I REALLY TRY TO CHANGE! I REALLY WANT TO! BUT I CAN'T! I REALLY WANTED TO BE A HASHIRA FOR JII-CHAN AND MAKE HIM PROUD! I REALLY WANTED TO! *Starts crying like a 5 year old boy who lost his candy*

Sayaki: *gets up and gives zenitsu a hug* I believe you really need a hug.

Zenitsu: *continues to cry, hugging Sayaki tighter, and finally getting the comfort he really needed*

*they stay like that for about 10 minutes, by then, zenitsu's eyes are puffy and his throat is coarse*

*Zenitsu continues talking about his trauma and past, how kaigaku had treated him, how awfully lonely and always hungry he was as a child. He also spoke of how he really wants someone who loves him, and take care of him, to love him in his ups and downs, and to be there for him through his highs and lows. Someone he could truly love.*

Zenitsu: I- I want a family.

Sayaki: So why not have the familial love you get from your friends? Do you really NEED a wife? Or do you just want someone to love and be there for you? Just like a family!

Sayaki: Then you can be the best friend and brother to all of your friends! A wife is not necessary! Yes falling in love is beautiful, but you can't force it. Being around people you care for is just as great!

Zenitsu: Maybe, I guess. *he says bowing and waving* can I come by again later? It was nice chatting with you.

Sayaki: unless it's at an ungodly hour, then you are most definitely welcome to come by, I hope this session was helpful to you in anyway.

*later that day, zenitsu was very quiet and didn't really talk to anyone, he didn't even refuse nor cry when he was given his medicine. Tanjiro and the rest are very concerned, wondering what happened in that room that made him go so quiet.*

Zenitsu: yes, thank you for your time.

Side note: Zenitsu will still be a bit whiny, but he will gradually mature, currently, he's just tired from all the crying and trauma telling he did. He also has a lot of processing to do, in the end of the day he's still Agatsuma thick skull Zenitsu. He will also need to go through his character development arc, he just needs time.

#kimetsu no yaiba #zenitsu agatsuma #future hashira au #Sayaki Haga #Oc

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larabiatasstuff · 10 months

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Hello @larabiatasstuff I know I haven't asked you anything in a while, but I'm back now. My mental health has been quite bad recently and if it's ok with you, please could I ask you to write something with my comfort character? I love karate kid terry, and if it's ok, (trigger warning) please could you write something with him where he stops you trying to hurt yourself when your mental health is really low? I know that hes normally so brash and energetic, but I think he would be so supportive and protective of his girlfriend. If you don't want to write this that's fine, but thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you 💙

It's so good to hear from you anon ☺️ As someone who suffers with mental health issues as well, I can relate. Life can be hard sometimes and our mind is telling us bad things. But remember after rain comes sunshine 🙏 I'm more than happy to write that for you and I hope you like it 🖤

⚠️Triggerwarning⚠️ :Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Self Harm

It was one of my bad days today. Terry had to leave early to discuss some things with John for an upcoming event where they wanted to attract new students for their dojo. I didn't want him to go but I didn't want him to worry about me either. I was still lying in bed and it felt like I had absolutely no energy to get up, or dressed, I didn't even have the energy to brush my teeth. I felt worthless and in exact this moments I remembered what my parents used to say. "You know there are people who have worse problems, people who are starving or homeless and you have everything you need and you're still complaining about how bad everything is." I started crying, I didn't want those words get to me but it was too late. I was already overthinking. Why would Terry love someone like me? What if he finds someone better? I couldn't take it anymore, the oh so familiar urge to hurt myself was almost unbearable. I got up, rushed into the bathroom and sat on the floor. I was crying uncontrollably and just before I could do something, the bathroom door opened and Terry entered the room. "Babe? Hey, hey what's wrong? Is it that bad again?" he said in a calm voice and knelt down in front of me. "It hurts so much Terry. I'm so pathetic I didn't even took a shower or brushed my teeth. I'm worthless, you deserve so much better." he gently took my shaking hands in his, stroking them with his thumb. "That's not true baby, you're the most wonderful person in the world and I love you with all my heart. It's okay to feel bad sometimes, it's okay if you don't have energy to do something today cause it will be still there tomorrow. Listen, I can't tell you how you're feeling right now cause I've never experienced it myself but I want to help you okay? I did a little research and maybe we can try that to keep you from hurting yourself. Just if you want. I know the urge is strong baby but please give it a chance. " I looked at him tears still running down my face." Okay" that was all I could bring out. Terry gave me a warm smile and got up. "I'll be right back, stay strong for me okay?" I nodded. After a few minutes he returned with a tray of ice cubes. "Terry what..." but he didn't let me finish. "You trust me right? Hold your arms out for me." I did as he said and Terry sat cross legged across from me. Then he took an ice cube and put it on my arm and left it there till the cold started to hurt. "How is that baby? Does it help a bit?" he looked directly into my eyes "It's... it feels weird but it takes the pressure away. Thank you so much for dealing with me Terry, you have better things to do than sitting on the bathroom floor with me." "Look at me Y/N nothing will ever be more important than you. Do you remember how I was before we met? I was an asshole always on drugs. But then you came into my life and saved me and now I am here doing that for you." I don't know how long we were sitting like this but it didn't matter. I have never felt more loved in my whole life.

#thomas ian griffith #sensei targaryen #terry silver #cobra kai #terry silver x reader

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morte-par-le-chocolat · 6 months

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Worth

"So, tell me how you're feeling. Better?" "Oui, merci. Much. I think I can get back to work now. I actually felt I should be back to work some time ago." "Ah-ah, not so fast. Just slow down, okay? Let's start easy. Why are you here, Chef Jean?"

Jean-Pierre looked across the room. The other man looked back at him- a neat chestnut haircut, winged eyeliner, a pleasant but neutral smile. Pink sweater vest, a clipboard and pencil held in his robotic arms. Dr. Twinkletits was the very air of professionalism- something he'd learned to adapt well to in his time as Dethklok's therapist. The false smarminess that had lead Jean to dislike the man on sight was more or less gone. Lesson learned. "Lord Commander Offdensen said I should speak with you before returning to work. I am not sure why, but I am not one to dismiss his wishes." "Well, according to what I have here, you collapsed on the job a couple weeks ago and were in the hospital wing a while. Exhaustion? I can see why, cooking for all these people? Must be hard work. But Jean, you have kitchen staff, right? There to help you, make your job a little easier?" "Oui. I do. But I don't need them, not for the bulk of my work." Twinkletits made a 'tch' sound and scribbled something down on his clipboard. Jean frowned. "It kinda seems like you do, though, if you're pushing yourself so hard you're passing out. Come on. Let's..." Don't say it... "...rock talk." Fuck. Jean swore inwardly, but he supposed this was an inevitability. Twinkletits was rarely if ever a surface-level therapist- he'd get to the root of the problem one way or another. "Tell me, why do you feel like you have to do everything yourself? It' can't be easy on you. I have here in your file that you're on medication for pain and that's, you know, that's really understandable. Why,Jean, you were stitched together from a million little pieces! I'm not saying that doesn't make you capable, but you're obviously pushing yourself past your limits when you really don't have to. Why is that?" Jean sighed, bent fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose. "It is as you say. I was sewn together after being diced with a helicopter propeller. Dethklok sewed me up with their own hands, because they wanted me to cook for them. I am but fulfilling their wishes, my purpose that I was mended for. You know how the oath goes, oui? 'I am a gear in the klok. I fear not my mortality. I will serve to the best of my ability.' If I perish in the line of service, that is fine, though I do hope I will leave behind a magnum opus when I do." "Oh, but... I mean, of course I know the oath, but the line says it right there. 'To the best of my ability'. You're pushing beyond that and it's just not good for you. ... Jean... does this have to do with your injury at all?" "No! ... Well, sort of. Look at me, doctor. I am a monster. The sight of me would repulse most people. I should be dead, but I am alive- mended, as I said, for the purpose of cooking. This castle is my world. My condition may be unsightly and painful, but my lords saw fit to sew every stitch themselves. This is an honor, no? I am valued for my skills in the culinary arts. This is what I was mended to do, no other reason. To put a smile on my Lords' faces with my cooking is my greatest joy. I need nothing else, but to be allowed to work for this purpose." "I see." Twinkletits' voice was low, soft, almost. "And... these few weeks, how has that made you feel?" "Worthless. I have had nothing to do but convalesce, and worry about the state of the kitchen. Young #713... is a decent hand, but untested. I wonder how he is coping. I do not want the quality of the kitchen's output to suffer, and yet... I fear if he does too well, that... that..."

"Go on, Chef." "...that they will replace me. That my Lords may decide that someone younger and healthier would be a better choice moving forward. I couldn't bear that, doctor." "Mmm. You know, Chef, I think I may have a bead on your problem. If I may? It's an issue with your self worth. You called yourself a monster, only sewn up to keep cooking, so that's all you think you're worth. You do all that cooking yourself because if you can't cook you feel worthless and replaceable. But you know what? I don't think that's true, and I can prove it, you know?" Jean gripped his upper arms, shaking a bit. Hearing out loud, it was an on the nose assessment. Hearing it condensed that way was uncomfortably accurate. "You...can prove it, you say?" "Sure! Look." Humming, Twinkletits set his clipboard and pen aside and held out his arms. Skeletal, spindly things, but very functional, dexterous enough for him to do most anything his flesh and blood arms had. "You see these? I fell out a window and the yardwolves ate my arms off. Plus I'd been... y'know, a real jerk before that. Dethklok didn't have any real reason to keep me around, but they did! And it's been the most fulfilling work of my life, but you know what? I don't let it fully define me. Because that's not healthy at all, Chef. I'm not just worth my work any more than you are." The therapist leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "I know losing my arms probably wasn't quite as traumatic as what happened to you. But you're a worthwhile person, Jean. You're a brilliant chef but that's not all you are, and it's definitely not all you're worth. I know it's gonna take time, but I want you to tell yourself that. Once or twice a day, or whenever you need. And I want you to start letting your staff in. You're supposed to be a team, they're not your competition. Can you do that for me?" "I... suppose I can try. I don't think I have much to lose at this point. ... Merci, Doctor." "Anytime! That's what I'm here for. Anyway, I think if you take those affirmations to heart, I don't see a reason that you can't go back to work. I'll let Mr. Offdensen know!" Rising, Jean shook the doctor's hand. Twinkletits replied with a hearty smile and a pat on the chest. It wasn't until Jean looked down at his chef's blacks after he left that he noticed a bright yellow crescent stuck to his coat.

#banana sticker!#jean pierre #john twinkletits #loooooong

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eddsworld-enchanted-era · 6 months

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~Somewhere to stay.~

(base by the ever-incredible EddsWorld-Base on Deviantart, can be found here!)

(tw for alcoholism mention, and general angst.)

"So, yeah..." Tom says awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck, "I was uh... wondering if we could stay here for a few nights."

"Well, I don't see why you couldn't," Sharpay begins with a smile, "We have a spare room, and-"

"He absolutely canNOT." Tim interrupts, glaring at the only other eyeless man in all of Europe, "Not after everything."

"C-Come on, Tim... I thought we put all that behind us!" Tom stutters as he attempts to reason with his brother, "It's... it's been years, th-this is really important, a-and I, well... I..."

"...I missed you..." he murmurs, barely audible as he glances away.

"Oh, you missed me?" Tim sneers, "Of all the people in the world, my lowlife drunk of a brother, who threw his entire career away in one night, who never wanted to see me again, that's the guy who misses me? Give me a damn break."

"I... you... it..." Tom fumbles for words, silent for a moment before he finds his voice, "It wasn't that I never wanted to - it's that you left me in the fucking dirt when I needed your help the fucking most, Timothy." he growls out the name of his more successful twin, "We were supposed to make it together. You weren't supposed to just walk away because I picked up a little drinking habit that you couldn't handle because it ruined our perfect, squeakly-fucking-clean image!" Tom raises his voice as he speaks, shouting the final few words.

"It wasn't a little habit - you damned near took me down with you!" Tim gestures with air quotes around 'little habit', voice taking on a mocking tone for a moment, "What was I supposed to do? Sacrifice myself for some loser who couldn't make it half a show without passing out? There was a reason I split off to do my own solo act!"

"It would have only been a little habit had you the mind to stop me!"

"Well maybe I didn't want to stop you!"

"What, would you be better off if I drank myself to death?!"

"Maybe I would be, you worthless alcoholic bastard!"

"Fine! Then maybe I will! This stupid world doesn't need saving anyway!" Tom shouts as he begins to storm away.

He is stopped as someone grabs his hoodie.

"Wh-" he can't finish the sentence as he's yanked into the house.

"You can stay." Sharpay says with a warm, friendly smile, pulling Tom close to himself, letting go of his hood to gently drape an arm over the man's shoulders, before he turns to Tim, only saying one word to the guitarist.

"Out."

"You can't tell me to leave, I live here!"

"And I'm the one paying the rent." Sharpay sighs, "So you can simply get over yourself and act like an adult, or you can leave."

"Psh, whatever." Tim scoffs, walking away, "Not like I want to be here anyhow."

Edd just kind of stands there, having been naught but a helpless spectator, before finally speaking up with a cough "...Should I... uh..." he pauses, at a loss for words, "You know..."

"No, no, it's okay! You can stay here too!" Sharpay gestures for Edd to come closer, smiling as though nothing had occurred, "I know you've been so eager to see Ded again, after all!"

"No offence, but how did you know? Did he tell you or something?"

"No, I've been spying on you." Sharpay deadpans, before snickering a little, "Of course he told me! He hasn't piped down about it since you called!"

"I mean... I can't blame him. It has been five years, after all." Edd shrugs a bit, stepping inside and shutting the front door behind him, "You got any coke in here?" he asks as he looks around.

"Nah, but we do have that... Mr. Salt? Or whatever it's called." Sharpay states idly, "But I could go out and-"

"It's alright, I can deal with Dr. Pepper." Edd smiles, while it hadn't been his favourite soda, he'd take most anything as substitute - just as long as it wasn't Pepsi.

He walks off to the kitchen, leaving Pay and Tom alone.

"And as for you..." he begins, a sly smile slowly spreading across his face "I'm not done with you just yet."

"Wh... what does that mean?" Tom asks cautiously.

"Whatever you want it to mean, dear." Pay grins, "I am the host, after all - and it's my job to make a guest feel welcome in my holes- my home."

#eddsworld #eddsworld enchanted era #eddsworld fan era #eddsworld au #EddsWorld-Base #eddsworld base #base edit #eddsworld tom #eddsworld edd #eddsworld tim #eddsworld pay #eddsworld sharpay #eddsworld fanart #eddsworld fanfiction #minific #mod robohoe #ENOUGH TIMPAY IT'S TIME FOR TOMPAY #jkjk... unless...? 😳#also i KNOW in the last one with the typos i said they all made up #but i can't help myself... i am the sad man and i bring the angst....#and also i mean... he's not totally kicking out tim he's just making him leave for the next few days #because he knows tim and tom will likely never be able to make up after everything that had happened over the years between them #and he does not want that drama lmao #also do ya like the new tim design - it's really subtle but... i changed his dye job a little lol #also also this is technically part of the episode - it'll likely be somewhat changed in the Snow Turning Back Now script #but nonetheless it will be there in some form... and yes it's basically ripping off that one scene in The End but hush #this is my fan era and i get to jank scenes/'make canon callbacks'#eddsworld Snow Turning Back Now #eddsworld fan episode

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thedorklegacy · 1 year

Text

The Dork Legacy 4.2 part 4

...I think I liked you better blue.

Willoughby: Woo! I've been playing this for three days straight!

...Someone's a little conflicted.

Mr. Dumble: Now I'm MAD.

Me: ...Very good for you.

Mr. Dumble: You see, I'm just really worried that everyone will think that all I do is worry!

Me: Well, now we know you don't.

Mr. Dumble: Are you sure? I just really don't want anyone to get the wrong impression... *worry*

Willoughby: WOO! HEY! DON'T MESS UP! YOU WOULDN'T WANNA MESS UP NOW WOULDJA?!

Algren: Woohoo! I love it when you're wrong!

Willoughby: Quiet, I need to concentrate.

Vanessa: Dude. You are really hot. Have I ever told you that?

Hearts: *sploop for like 2 real life minutes*

Me: ...O.o

LTW, here we come!

Margaret: OH LAWD IS DAT SOME BIRTHIN'?

GladOS: MORE HUMANS?! THERE IS NO APERTURE SCIENCE TOP LEVEL CONTROLLING OPERATOR!!

Holding newborns: ur doin it rong.

But wait...is that...?!

RED HAIR AND GREEN EYES?! I THINK IT IS!! Also, yeah, that's two different babies. The boy is Jean Luc, and the girl is Janeway.

Me: GladOS...I thought you were upset at more humans?

GladOS: It has come to our attention that humans raised from infancy to learn Aperture Science Test Subject Protocol may be just what we need.

Me: Ah. Well, if it gets the babies fed, I'll take it.

GladOS: Just remember, little flesh monster, always follow the instructions, or there will never be any cake for you.

GladOS: Here, worthless being. Take this tiny Test Subject. And try not to ruin everything.

I just wanted to take a picture of this because it NEVER HAPPENS.

Me: Oh no! Mr. Dumble is playing with Filcher! What if someone gets hurt? *worry*

GladOS: Feeble-minded humans. No wonder they test so poorly if they can't even manage to keep their young off the floor. I can't have you getting damaged before you're old enough to complete Aperture Science training, can I, Insert Name Here?

...Okay, guys, seriously, when the best parent in the house is the evil robot, there's something wrong.

Originally posted at katu_sims.

#the dork legacy #gen4

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i-get-a-lifetime · 1 year

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second tumblr post woohoo

lately I've been really romanticizing the past a liiiittle too much I think. I really wanna go back to like the 90s/early 2000s and just experience life like that for a bit. I feel like the world as it is right now is a little too much for me to handle. I wanna go back to when so many of the bands I love were just starting out, and when it was more popular to be all emo and shit. I can't handle the amount of stress placed on me as a college student right now. I can't deal with the amount of homework and knowing that I might not even be able to pay off my debt with my career. I wish I didn't even have to go to college. I should've gone to trade school or something honestly.

But I just feel I'd be so much happier and more creative without a device glued to my eyeballs 24/7. I used to read so much, now I just do nothing that brings me any joy. School and work take up all of my time without any sense of accomplishment. At the end of the day all I can think about is who I've managed to disappoint be it my parents or my teachers or my partner.

I really love my partner but sometimes I am so scared they might not really care about me past what I can give them. I love how goofy and smart they are and how they're good at making music and follow their passions, and I just feel that I have nothing to attract them in that same way. Sometimes I feel that they just treat me as an annoying little gnat that they can fuck sometimes and then ignore, knowing that I'll stick around because I'm obsessed with them. But then again, I have a terrible habit of convincing myself that they hate me, because I only ever focus on the bad and immediately forget any good parts of our relationship.

The only good thing that has happened in my life lately has been seeing MCR live. A month after we started dating, my partner spent a lot of money getting tickets to riotfest to see MCR for my birthday. This was in 2020. Now that that moment has finally occurred, I honestly don't know what is left to look forward to. It was legitimately the best moment I have ever experienced, and the time when I felt most in tune with my partner. Now I feel like I'm cosmically paying the price for that level of joy. I have felt nothing but fucking rancid since.

People say I'm funny but I honestly believe deep down that I am fucking worthless. I've always felt like I was boiling up to doing something important in my life, but lately I've been feeling so hopeless. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is honestly knowing that at this moment no one would really care. My parents have other children they've always paid attention to more, my partner has friends that they feel are more important than me, I don't have any pets. No one would care! I need to make something of myself, and make myself desirable and interesting so that tons of people will care when I fucking end it.

I think I feel this way because of how my parents treated my older sister compared to me growing up tbh. They never really cared about what I wanted, or how I was doing in school. They only ever really gave a shit about the oldest and the youngest, and I worked my ass off as a little kid to relish in the glory of parent teacher conferences, where my parents would have to listen to someone tell them about how great I was. Now I'm in college and trying to do well, but they only really care about my oldest sister who moved back home. Oh well! Everytime I disappoint them in some way I justify it by telling myself that I'll buy them a cabin someday. But I'm starting to wonder if they even deserve it, or if it's just another way that I'm sucking up to them in the hopes of getting attention.

Like I think the stress of college and needing money might have me being a little bit too suicidal lately, but I don't know if it's just that or that I've been lying to myself for so long about life being worth living. I got a parking ticket before work the other day and I was legitimately considering drinking cleaning solution in the freezer, so no one could stop me but my body would be found relatively soon after. Every single thing that goes wrong lately feels like another sign to just end it. At the end of the day, idk if I'll kms or not, and I don't think I really want help deciding that.

Anyways! I'll talk about something positive! I really fucking love MCR. All of their music just cultivates the perfect vibe. It's campy, but at just the right level to make me feel like a badass listening to it. Vampires Will Never Hurt You is one of my favorite songs of theirs (after It's Not a Fashion Statement) and hearing them play it live was fucking unreal. Seeing them made me want to make music that makes other people feel the same way mcr makes me feel. I want to get to the same level of cool as Gerard Way, and then I can end it and just live on in people's minds as a cool bitch for eternity.

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dxncingxqueen · 2 years

Text

Questions addressed to your muse

What is your name?

“Um, Nayako Hayashi. M-most people just call me Naya, though.”

What is your real name?

“……..Um-“ Excuse her, she’s blue screening-

Do you know why you were called that?

“My mom said she wanted to call me something ‘simple but authentic’… in her words…”

Are you single or taken?

“I’m taken…” Still feels weird to say it out loud…

Have any abilities or powers?

“I’ve been told my ultimate talent’s kind of like a superpower, i-if that counts…”

What’s your eye color?

“They’re red.”

How about your hair color?

“Maroon. My mom tells me not to call it red, because that doesn’t ‘sound pretty.’

Have you any family members?

“Just me, my mom, and my dad.”

Oh? What about pets?

“My extended family in America has a Basset Hound. He’s super old, though…”

That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me about something you don’t like.

“Myself. Um… bullies. I don’t like bullies.” Conveniently leaves out that she only hates bullies who pick on other people, she’s fair game.

Do you have any hobbies/activities you like to do?

“I like to dance! And meditate, it helps me relax.

Ever hurt anyone before?

“I have. Too many times to count.”

Ever killed anyone before?

“N-no, never!”

What kind of animal are you?

“I’ve been told I’m like a little nervous kitten…”

Name some of your worst habits.

“I have… come to learn that my… self deprecation is a bad habit of mine. But, I didn’t even know it was that. I thought I was just being humble.”

Do you look up to anyone at all?

“Y-yes, several people. Like, a lot of people in my class. I wish I could be as confident as some of them.”

Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“I…. I don’t know.”

Do you go to school?

“Yes, at Hope’s Peak Academy.”

Do you want to marry and have kids one day?

“U-uh-“ Oh no, she’s blushing now- “I- yes? If that’s what my partner wants? B-but if that’s not what they want, then I-I don’t mind!”

Do you have fanboys/fangirls?

“Since coming to Hope’s Peak, I’ve come to learn that I actually do. I-I didn’t even think I was popular enough for that, but…”

What are you afraid of?

“Everyone I love seeing me for the worthless person I really am and abandoning me. Um… I don’t like crowds. And closed spaces.”

What do you usually wear?

“I usually wear button down shirts so I don’t mess up my hair and makeup before recitals. Other than that… loose clothes. So I can move around better.”

Do you love someone?

“Y…Yes, I do..”

What class are you?

“Um…” Do they mean class class or social class?

How many friends do you have?

“Um…” Did Gundham count as a friend?? “Well…” Give her a second, she’s counting-

“Three…? I think…?”

What are your thoughts on pie?

“I… I like pie.”

Favorite drink?

“I’m quite fond of tea. It’s relaxing.”

What’s your favorite place?

“My dance studio. It’s one of the only places I have complete control over everything.”

Are you into someone~?

“Well… I do have a significant other…”

Would you rather swim in the lake or in the ocean?

“The lake. Less chance of getting lost.”

What’s your type?

“M-my type? Um… I like… people who are confident. People who can take the lead.” She’s a bottom.

Camping or Indoors?

“I prefer indoors, but I don’t mind camping.”

Tagging: ARGH!!!

#;dash games

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sariahsue · 3 years

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I'd love to know what movies get wrong about orphanages if you wouldn't mind sharing!

Oh, I'm so glad you asked!

So imagine all the movies with orphanages in them: Annie, Despicable Me, Meet the Robinsons*, Stuart Little, etc. The narrative goes like this. A bunch of poor orphans live in a home run by usually one person. When prospective parents come to visit, the children eagerly all line up, hoping to get picked! So exciting! The parents find the child they want, fill out a bunch of paperwork, and go home with their new child. There may be a couple bumps as everyone gets used to the new family dynamic, but they work themselves out by the end of the movie. Happily ever after!

Literally every single thing about that scenario is wildly incorrect. First off, and this comes as a surprise to most people, there aren't any orphanages in the United States. None.

Not many kids are orphaned these days thankfully, and if they are, there’s usually extended family or other arrangements previously made by the parents (like through their wills or godparents). If there’s truly no one that can take the kid, they’d be put into foster care and given an adoption worker along with their normal social worker.

The closest thing we have to orphanages are probably residential programs and group homes (which are basically a step down from residential and in a house with a smaller group of kids). I say they’re similar because they look it from the outside. A bunch of kids living together being cared for by adults who aren’t their parents.

That’s where the likeness ends, though. Kids in residential aren’t up for adoption. Strangers can’t go in and visit. The kids are there to receive extra care. They have something going on that make them too much to handle for their parents or foster parents, and it could be physical disability, behavioral issues, or mental health struggles. Most kids are in programs like that temporarily, though some live there for years. The adults that work there don’t live there. It’s a normal 40-hour workweek and many people work in shifts to make sure it’s properly staffed.

The government does line the kids up to show them off to prospective parents sometimes. They’re called adoption parties, and for some reason they’re held at Jordan’s Furniture store a lot. (Because they volunteer the space, I think.) There’s food and music and lots of kids up for adoption and lots of parents hoping to adopt.

Little kids tend to like them because they’re too young to understand what’s going on and, hey, lots of people to pay attention to me! Older kids HAAATE them. If they want to be adopted, then this is a great way to feel judged and rejected for a few hours. Most aren’t really excited about being adopted. Most kids’ birth parents are still alive, but their rights were forcefully terminated by the state. The kids can feel lots of things about this. Angry. Disloyal to their birth family if they want a new family. Scared of being hurt by the new family. Sad to leave their foster family. Still want to go home even if it’s not possible. It’s not a fun time.

Nothing concrete comes of these parties usually. Parents can talk to social workers afterward if there’s a kid that they want more information on, but it’s really the beginning of the process. There are other ways to begin that process. I’ve heard of teachers meeting a foster kid and wanting to adopt, or someone knowing a foster family taking care of a kid who’s up for adoption. Others simply talk to an adoption worker. I don’t know what the process is like for that. Quite often, foster families will take care of a kid and then adopt them. (That’s what happened to us. We fostered a newborn. He wasn’t up for adoption until he was two, and we were couldn’t even contemplate giving him up at that point.)

Sometimes, social workers will try to get prospective parents to meet kids without the kids realizing the adults are thinking about adoption, to spare the kid the worry and rejection. Once the parents have decided to move forward, there is paperwork, but I think it’s normal foster parent type paperwork because, surprise, you can’t adopt them yet. Kids have to live in your house for six months before you can adopt

Since most kids will be with a foster family before going to a pre-adoptive home, and they probably are comfortable there and attached to the family, the transition to the new home is gradual. They start out with visits for a few hours, then sleepovers. If the kid hasn’t figured it out already, they’ll let them know these people want to adopt them around this time. Some kids take it well. Some... don’t. Longer sleepovers, then finally they officially move in. This could be a couple weeks if the kid is already familiar with the adoptive family or longer if they’re particularly attached to the foster family.

If six months are up and things are still going well, the real paperwork can start. There are home evaluations, interviews with the parents, interviews with the children already in the family, psychologists determine if the adoptee is adjusted well and securely attached. I’m sure there’s a ton more that I don’t know about. It freaking takes forever. When you’re done, you have to go to court and have papers signed by a judge. I’m sure this is the best part of every judge’s day. There are smiles and pictures and kids happily banging the gavel to make it official!

Unfortunately, the issues that come from adoption are not all solved at the end of the 90-minute movie. My brother, who never lived with his birth mother and has only had us as his family, still has issues. I know a girl who was straight up abandoned by her mother. She’s got serious mental health and self-worth issues years later, even though she and family adore each other and they are so good to her and super supportive. On the other hand, some people have zero issues over it. They don’t know and don’t care about their birth family.

Some issues go away after time and love. Some people start out with no issues, but after a few months or years, things start to change. Their subconscious realizes that they’re not in danger, and this is a safe environment where they can finally start to work through the trauma they’ve been through, and suddenly they’ll start having mental health or behavioral problems, and sometimes they’re severe.

It’s sad, but occasionally adoptions fail. This is part of the reason for the six-month wait. Sometimes the kids have so many issues that the parents can’t help them and keep them safe. Sometimes the parents weren’t as good people as they pretended to be and should haven’t kids. Thankfully, this type. of thing is pretty rare. I’ve never met anyone who it’s happened to. Most of the time, kids are put into good homes with people who love them and help them heal from the things their birth families put them through.

TL;DR There aren’t any orphanages in the US. Adoption is very complicated and emotionally messy, but it’s great! I’m sorry not sorry I wrote an essay.

*I give Meet the Robinsons a pass. Lots of kids who are up for adoption or who have been adopted struggle with it a lot. For some, they feel worthless because their foundational belief about themselves is that not even their own mother wanted them. For others, they feel guilty about betraying their birth family when they start to love the adoptive family. Some are rejected repeatedly. Almost all of them have been deeply hurt in the past. Meet the Robinsons acknowledges issues like these and told the story of a boy who dealt with them in a healthy way, and showed kids that it’s okay for them to be happy, and made a very cute and imaginative movie out of it, and I love it for existing.

#adoption #foster care

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