#the ana skin actually looks really good tho

[poorlittlevampire]

i am a battle pass hater just like. on principle but the ow one is sooo fucking bad i cannot believe people pay for it. and they changed it so now f2p players only get one free skin out of it and i wouldn’t even be that annoyed except for the fact that this seasons ashe skin in the bp wouldve been the free one. like bro just give it to me u fucking suck

#its not even a good skin 😭 #i have not played it since i bought stardew but the new character seems fiun ao i might plag again maybe #its just really gross to see them further push the monetization #bc before the bp sucked anyways but at least youd get a couple skins #now u get one skin and its the shittiest one #such a joke #i grinded for the tokens so i can buy a bp for free but im waitinf for ashe’s mythic or whatever theyre called #and it better be fucking. GOOD #dolly parton theme i am counting on you #the ana skin actually looks really good tho #oh i meant to add that it sucks esp sincw ita not like thw bp is the only content thwyre charging for #lile if it was just rhe bp then id understand keeping more rewards under the paywall #but its NOT!! especially not this season since theyre adding the pve which is a seperate purchase!!!! #if anything this was the time tk be MORE generous with it #but whatever. capitalism yeehaw #also the mercy skin i really want that h can only buy with the league tokens is in the shop rn 😭 and im short by likw 50 tokens #and u get them from watching the league streams but u get like 5 an hour and it takes so long #ive been leaving the streams running in a muted tab while doing other shit purelt ro get the mercy skin #and now i cant 😭😭😭

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

sick of living in this body and of wishing it was different like jesus who caress

#shut up hanna #goblin brain: u should be skinnnyyyyyyy #literally shut UPPP who cares #its like its just muscle memory. wishing i was smaller #but even sometimes like. ill feel so sick all of a sudden and like. panicky like claustrophobic in my own skin #like i need to take it all off like im being suffocated by my own flesh #what the fuck is that #ill never forgive the 2014 thigh gap era pro ana bullshit #no one has said anything bad about my body in YEARS. but im still like #i still feel like the 13 year old that would get asked out as a joke and it was a hilarious punchline #and i would Like to be good at ballet and i would Like to be able to be lifted #but like. now all my friends and roommates for the most part have larger bodies than me #so i cant like. talk about how i feel even tho its really about how i feel more so than how i actually look #but it is a little bit about how i look but i know i only dont like it bc its me !! and if i was smaller or larger i would #not like it either way bc i just have been trained to resent my body bc it is mine #idk. idk. i always feel like i have to apologize after these #bc i know that like. technically currently i meet the body standards for conventionally attractive adults etc etc etc #but its not about that!!!!!85 #its about me!! its about me #and my therapist quit so 🥰 #yall get to hear about this ❤️

[sensazioneultra]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers :D

ciaooo ana scusa mi sono dimenticato di rispondere dsjsdnjx grazie!!

okay 5 things that make me happy:

going on walks when it's neither too warm nor too cold

watching films that make me reflect on something (could be a variety of things, as long as i get a good reflection out of a film i know i won't consider it a waste of time even if i didn't like it too much and i'll be glad to have watched it) (that said obviously some films are mindless fun yeah yeah)

looking at my tattoos. i tend to forget they're there but sometimes i'll stop and notice them and i really love them so it makes me happy they're permanently on my skin

talking to my friends !!!!

finishing a book aaaa it's such a nice feeling (tho obviously not so much if i hated it) and i'm glad i'm getting back into reading bc for the longest time i hadn't been able to read much so it happened so rarely that i actually finished a book but NO MORE (hopefully)

#nico answers #lesbian-i-ching #grazie ancora ana <3333

[blacktinnedpeaches]

im having fun with my new ipad, trying to get reasonably proficient at procreate, its actually kinda hard tho, the only paint i ever was good at was watercolour and im trying to use digital software in teh exact same way which is obviously producing kinda bad results

observe:

5 min sketch with a soft airbrush ^

an attempt to flesh out the face/skin a bit (yes obviously the eyes/hair etc i haven't really done anything to, just look at the face) and the colours look shit and muddy imo compared to the juiciness of the og sketch... the lips look particularly bad

anyway not really complaining just musing. its fun to be trying new thigns!

ana always gets it...

[punk-ballerina]

I’m doing this cause I’m bored and sick at home lol. I’m gonna try to do it all tonight lol. I kno that’s not how ur supposed to do it.

1. Hight: 5’9, CW: 232, SW: 244, GW: 150 , UGW: 100-115 (whatever I look best at mostly, I’d be happy at 120, but I don’t think that’s gonna be small enough. It’s not rly about numbers so much as aesthetics for me)

2. I’m 5’9. Yes, I like my height, but a lot of the dudes where I live say I’m way too tall to be attractive. No taste.

3.

I like her slender and elegant body, but she still looks strong enough to seriously injure a misogynist lol.

4. I’m scared my hair will fall out, which is important since I’m queer and all the homosexuals like fluffy hair. I’m scared about loose skin cause I have a high sw. I’m scared I won’t be strong anymore, which is smthn I take great pride in, and I’m scared about brain fog cause my grades are super important to me.

5. I’m losing weight because I want to be beautiful, and I want to be able to have a shot at the ballet industry. I think I’m doing it mostly for me, but a lot of it is for social acceptance.

6. I binge rly bad. I think it’s because healthy food takes forever to prepare, but also, I’ve been diagnosed with BED.

7. The know I’m trying to lose weight, but they don’t know I’m Ana.

8. I don’t actually do a specific one atm. I burn about 3500 kcals by just existing, cause im a rly active person. I want to start tho, cause ballets off rn. Comment any ideas that you think I should try!!!

9. No, not really.

10. Sugar and carbs. They’re sooo addictive lol.

11. Right now this second it’s @hellokittybubble, because I saw a list of tips on their page. Idk if it was theirs originally, but they have a lot of good stuff on their blog lol.

12. Mostly I just binge honestly. But when I’m actually doing good I eat fruit and fiber 1 bars lol.

13. A mix honestly lol

14. My ugw is somewhere at a weight I feel hot at. It’ll probably be around 115 I think. I’m planning on reaching it by this time next year.

15. I’m not either cause my family rly like meat. I’d love to go vegan someday tho, not just for the weightloss benefits lol, I rly care about animals

16. I’ve wanted to lose weight since I was about 10

17. I’ve been diagnosed with BED and body dysmorphia. I think I’m ana, but I don’t have a medical diagnosis

18. My biggest weakness is mac n cheese or ice cream lol.

19. The last time I ate fast food was a couple months ago, which is pretty good considering I work at a fast food place

20. Im doing the abc at the moment with one of my buddies ( dm me if u want to be buddies, I like friends!!!). It’s going pretty well. I honestly absolutely love all those themed diets tho. It’s so cute.

21. Fun question. I wear a large if we’re being technical lol. Me personally, the bigger the better tho. I will wear 3x and no one can stop me. I want to be able to fit an xs.

22. I don’t rly have a lowest weight, I’ve always been kinda fat.

23. Yes and no. I wanted to be muscular for a long time so that I could look like black widow, but I can’t look like her and do ballet. Her story was DEEPLY inaccurate lol. She’s still beautiful and my role model tho.

24. I don’t rly have opinions on them. I’m using the tags for this so I guess I like them.

25. I’ve tried to purge a bunch of times, starting when I was about 12. Ya gorl ain’t got a gag reflex tho lol.

26. Being beautiful and feeling good in my skin

27. Mostly I binge a lot lol. But when I do stay strong, grosspo and fantasizing about the future of being skinny helps a LOT

28. Sort of, but it’s not totally necessary for me, I mostly want a tiny stomach and waist and arms.

29. For everyone else, beauty comes from within, for me, beauty is being perfect.

30. 1. I was homeschooled for the first 16 years of my life 2. I want to be a tattoo artist and piercer or an esthetician OR something to do with film when I grow up, 3. I’m sick rn 4. I’ve been in ballet since I was six, 5. I was the first female wrestler at my highschool, but I got kicked off after 3 days cause of something to do with homeschooling lol, 6. I have orange hair, 7. I love art, 8. I’m obsessed with the pirate core aesthetic and dream of dressing like that irl someday, 9. I’m in theatre (shocking I know) 10. I’m a makeup addict

Sorry if it kinda sucks lol, I was rly bored and there’s no way I could remember to do it 30 days in a row. If anyone wants a friend pls dm me!!! I’m down to talk about pretty much anything even tho this is a pr0 Ana blog!!

Blessed be

#ed coach #tw ana diary #tw ed rant #pr0ana diet #pr0anna #pr04ana #tw ed not sheeran #tw eating issues #disordered eating thoughts #ed no sheeran #ed disorder #ed but not sheeran #ed moots #ana coach #ana friend

[thisismctryin]

1. 56 kg / breast 89 waist 69 cm hips 93 i think

2. i’m 1.69 (maybe 1.70 cm) and i don’t like it ugh i wish i were taller, idk maybe like 1.75 :/

3. i mean probably kendall jenner lmao

4. hair loss, i already struggle a lot with it and i know that with my ed i can lose more. it freaks me out

5. i’m it for me and only me. i just want to feel happy on my own skin

6. ugh yes, i binge whenever i get anxious about something and i fucking hate it. i binged so fucking much today, btw

7. um idk i don’t really think they notice cause i binge and they even tell me “u gonna eat all thatttt” n stuff but i think that if they ever realize they’d be rlly sad

8. i’m too depressed to exercise lol, it sounds so stupid but istg it’s true

9. yup, when i was 14 kids made fun of me for my weight, kids who i didn’t even know BUT also close friends of mine cause i was rllyyyy skinny, just the way i’d like to b now, but in that time i didn’t know it so it fucked me over. later when i was 15 i started dating this guy who completely broke me (for many reasons if i’m beign honest) but mainly because he would say i was too skinny n shit so i created this horrible vision of myself and i started over eating until i gained like 8 kg :/ and when i realized it, it was too late. i not only had a heart broken but i also had changed the way i looked in ways i didn’t even liked, that and other shit i went through caused loosing my mental stability and gaining an ed so yeah…… dating was fun !!!

10. ugh just the feeling of enjoying a meal, i haven’t been able to do that for over a year

11. idk. if someone sees this please recommend me one

12. i’ll just skip this one cause idk what to answer lmao

13. unhealthy. but i gain it all back lol :/

14. idk

15. neither, but u have consider being a vegan i just have to wait until im 20 (that’s what my mother says lol)

16. i think i’ve been unconsciously traumatized by the extreme necessity of losing weight for a reaaaallly long time now. probably since i was like 11

17. i don’t like answering this question. i feel like i don’t? because im a freaking failure but i don��t really know lol

18. anything that it’s sweet spicy ugh

19. yesterday :(

20. idk. the one where i restricted until 500 cal maybe lol. i’ll start the draculaura diet tomorrow, let’s se how that goes !!

21. small

22. since i started restricting? 49 kg, ugh i remember that day as one of the happiest days of my life (that’s extremely fucked up tho) i weighted in the morning and i just felt so good, after a couple of days i started binging for the first time in 3 weeks. i gained 3 kg and it was the worst. i’ve been depressed ever since. all i’m trying to do is get that feeling of happiness and security again, that’s why i’m starting to restrict again. which makes me think… you know how ever since we were kids everyone told us about the dangers of an eating disorder. well, no one told you it’s actually the best fucking thing ever too

when the numbers in the scale go down all you feel is glory. suddenly it’s best if your hair falls or you feel cold all the time, cause it’s better to feel that way than to feel like you’re a failure, or to see your reflection and fucking hate it.

no one tells you how amazing it can be and how dangerously obsessive you can become with it. it’s an on and off toxic relationship

23. i would probably say it was 50% media 50% things i hear at home

24. i’m not pro ana/mia for anyone that isn’t me, having an ed is the worst thing ever and i don’t wish it to anyone. once you get it, it’s always there. but for me on the other hand, well..

25. yeah. i remember it, it was 14th February 2019. i ate all these candy at school and i had a party that night (my ex was going to be there) and i had all this pressure so i when i got home i locked myself in the bathroom door and started purging in the shower. it felt good. it hurt a little bit but it felt good, weirdly

26. just being able to look at myself in the mirror and not hating what i see lol

27. extremely bad. you know, i loved going to the supermarket, i enjoyed being there, waking in the hallways, hearing music and shit; i can’t do it anymore. there’s food everywhere and all i wanna do is cry :( it sucks

#i want to be skiny #tw ed thoughts #ed lol #ana tingz #ana mia #bing3 #not pr0 ana #tw ed related #tw bulemia #esting disorder

[xjoonchildx]

Ana, I hope you’re doing well. February was a tough month for me, and left me feeling a little blue, but I’m so glad it’s over and I’m feeling much better now that it’s March (where does the time go??!). I know we talked about Jimin’s snaggletooth and Jin’s worldwide proportions, but today is actually like to talk about the one and only, Jeon Jungkook (and his bunny smile 🐰)

Facial analysis and profile: I think Jungkook has a tapered face shape. Sometimes he can have the most adorable chubby cheeks and other times he can look like a literal incubus demon (like you, I’m addicted to fanfic)! So there may be two reasons for Jungkook’s adorable chubby cheeked appearance: either an overgrowth of his masseter muscle that sits on the front of your jaw, or an pronounced buccal fat pad (buccal is just a fancy term for cheek). His symmetry is really on point, and you can tell his face is very proportional, especially in profile view (again the lender of another abnormally sharp jawline)! The point I really wanted to hit on was that Jungkook has so many adorable moles on his face (the scientific term for a mole is a nevus), and it was just interesting to me because at my school, they teach us to screen moles for signs of skin cancer at every visit (sorry that turned morbid so fast)

Nose 👃🏽, lips👄, and chin 🗣: Jungkook’s nasolabial angle is almost perfectly 90 degrees, which indicates good upper lip support. His labiomental groove is also very defined, indicating he has a prominent chin! I think Jungkook also has nice lips (is that weird to say)? His Cupid’s bow is so defined (the guy wears lipstick better than I do! 😍

Tooth and smile analysis: okay this is my favorite feature on him!! I love his bunny teeth with all my heart. They lend him such a useful appearance (bc he’s bangtan’s baby 🥺) Fun fact, I learned recently that rabbits teeth differ from humans in that they never fully mature and continue to keep regenerating throughout their lifetime (meanwhile once human teeth are gone, they’re gone.) Bunny teeth, or buck teeth in general, are caused by a condition called overbite. This could be because the top jaw is more far forward than the lower jaw, but I think in JK’s case, his front teeth are tipped and just have a different inclination! This can be corrected by Invisalign if you don’t like it (not every case though)! I would say Jungkook’s smile arc is flatter than the other boys, meaning that it doesn’t follow the contours of his lower lip, it’s just a straight line. However, his smile is no less stunning, esp when those dimples pop (that zygomaticus major muscle tho)!!

That’s all she wrote for now,

Toothie 🦷

okay first of all sweet 🦷 i don’t know who’s giving you a hard time lately but you send them direct to me and i will STRAIGHTEN THEM OUT OKAY 💪🏽

phew. now that that’s out of the way and now that i know you’re having a better month welcome to min march things can only go up from here.

let’s talk about the golden maknae and his otherworldly good looks and perfect teeth.  

Jungkook’s adorable chubby cheeked appearance: either an overgrowth of his masseter muscle that sits on the front of your jaw, or an pronounced buccal fat pad

forgive me for getting immediately overexcited about the word “masseter” lol. much to my surprise, it has nothing to do with body parts below the belt.  however if it’s responsible for his adorable, chubby (FACE ANA FACE) cheeks then i’m happy for them.

the scientific term for a mole is a nevus

someday we’ll talk about the nevus on hoseok’s lip. someday.

Jungkook’s nasolabial angle is almost perfectly 90 degrees, which indicates good upper lip support. His labiomental groove is also very defined, indicating he has a prominent chin! I think Jungkook also has nice lips (is that weird to say)? His Cupid’s bow is so defined (the guy wears lipstick better than I do! 😍

okay, a couple of things stick out to me about this particular part of the analysis: “almost perfectly 90 degrees” is such a JK accomplishment, right? but OF COURSE his angles would be almost perfect. you also noted his very defined (FACE ANA FACE) labiomental groove, which makes for that perfectly chiseled chin.  also it is never ever ever weird to say jungkook has nice lips facts are just facts 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Bunny teeth, or buck teeth in general, are caused by a condition called overbite. This could be because the top jaw is more far forward than the lower jaw, but I think in JK’s case, his front teeth are tipped and just have a different inclination! 

also i think you’re right about JK’s tipped teeth. they do seem angled and the effect is so endearing.  all of these features coming together for the perfect smile.

thank you so much sweet 🦷 💗💗💗 

tell everyone not to mess with you OR ELSE.

#🦷 anon #💗💗💗

[defiledpriest]

1 through 40 right now or the stuffie gets it !

😳😳 this may take a while then lmao also how dare you threaten me ರ╭╮ರ

q's and answers under the cut!

.

cherry - what is your sexuality? on my bio

lollipop - favorite makeup products? I don't really use makeup, but I suppose nail polish is a makeup product, right? I also like collecting lip balms

daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be? a bird came to mind lmao 😆 I just wanna know how it feels to fly

october - what month were you born in? November!

caress - do you like to snuggle? Yes! I usually snuggle with my nephew tho

ivory - describe your pajamas? Uh I just wear sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sometimes a tank top depending on the room's temp

golden - favorite stationary product? Washi tape!! I'm getting into bullet journaling and I love looking at the ones on tik tok and pinterest

freckles - most-worn article of clothing? my slippers 😂 I don't go anywhere after work..

twilight - best friend? prob my older sis lol besides her this girl named Ana,, I met her in 6th grade and we've been friends since then😊

silk - do you like k-pop? Yep! Been a fan since middle school

poppy - favorite pastel color? Yellow

dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face? Eyes. Especially when they're colored (i have dark ass brown eyes so i like seeing other colors) smile is a close second

sunkissed - autumn or spring? Autumn!

buttery - favorite snack? I don't really have a favorite snack lmao I eat a lot of shit and never stick to one thing. I love to snack on chocolate tho (just no dark chocolate lol)

whisper - how much sleep do you get? lmao not enough imo

pencil - do you own a journal? multiple. I'm a journal hoarder

cupcake - are you a good cook? I'd say I'm decent

honey - favorite term of endearment? darling 💖 (sweetheart is a close second)

clouds - describe one of your favorite dreams? It involved me and my favorite kpop dude lol I think I pushed him into a chair and climbed into his lap,, then he picked me up and pushed me against the wall and grinded into me

velvet - who was your first crush? celeb or irl? I know celeb was zac efron lol or joe jonas. Irl I know it was this boy in elementary school but I don't remember who it was oof

paper - favorite children’s book? Used to love reading the Junie B. Jones books

peaches - do you have a skincare routine? No but I need to take better care of it since I work with a mask and I sweat

mochi - favorite studio ghibli film? Never really watched them oOF,, recommend me some y'all

backyard - did you ever have an imaginary friend? I prob did at some point lol

strawberry - favorite fruit? Green apples

kiss - have you ever kissed a friend? Nope

nightlight - do you read before bed? No.. I used to be a huge bookworm, but now I hardly read 😔

shampoo - favorite scent? gardenia is my fave scent,, but I'm also into masculine type scents too,, woodsy/musky

skin - what distant relative are you closest to? my family don't really talk to them sooo

aphrodite - favorite actress/actor? Lately it's been Tom Holland, Chris Evans and Henry Cavill (my fave white boys lmaoooo,, sorry I couldn't choose) As for actress I'd say Ana de Armas (she's so fucking beautiful ❤️ like pls step on me miss)

cuddles - do you have any pets? Nope. Can't even take care of myself lmao

lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite? I actually posted it on here before, uh this light blue dress with a slightly plunging neckline. Makes me feel soft

sheets - sanrio or san-x characters? both. I'm not a monster

cream - frozen yogurt flavor? I don't really like yogurt frozen yogurt tho is bomb

watermelon - do films ever make you cry? Well, I don't cry I just tear up. Depends on the scene too

sapphos - favorite poet? emo boy edgar allan poe. I have a book of his poems and stories!

plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own? still? does this mean since I was kid or now? hmm. well I currently own 7

roses - what flower do you find most beautiful? sunflowers! 🌻

sweetheart - favorite mug/cup? this cauldron cup with a ceramic spider inside. bought it around halloween week

sunset - what are your pronouns? on my bio

#anon #asks #me #anon u will be the DEATH of me #i feel like idk my own self lol

[hughdrysdale]

i was tagged by @florenepugh to answer the following 73 questions! love u ashlyn thank u!! 💛💖

not sure who else wants to actually answer 73 questions lmao but i’ll tag @sukiswaterhouse @goodlesson @aslongasitsrealtoyou @unhawkeye and @mabelmcbae (not sure who’s done this and please ignore it if u want!) 🌙🌈

my answers are under the cut!!

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? i;m at like a solid 2 right now

describe yourself in a hashtag? #yikes

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? sebastian stan been thinming about those endings beginnings scenes for like 3 days straight now

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? wish i knew what this meant......

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i can knot a cherry stalk with my tongue

what’s your wake up ritual? depends if i’m working/what shift i’m on but right now during lockdown i wake up, check my phone for like half an hour, go downstairs and have a cup of tea and two slices of toast

what’s your go to bed ritual? i clean my nose piercing, change into my pyjamas, do my skin care, brush my teeth and chill on my laptop in bed until like 1am at the moment

what’s your favorite time of day? 11pm-1am

your go to for having a good laugh? go and sit with my family for like 30 seconds, watch smth like bridesmaids or some kind of stand up on netflix etc etc

dream country to visit? probably australia!

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? i normally guess surprises somehow it’s like a sixth sense so i don’t even know

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers for sure although i’m 5ft2 so heels are GREAT

vintage or new? probably new

who do you want to write your obituary? whoever knows me best

style icon? tessa thompson, brie larson, blake lively and saoirse ronan

what are three things you cannot live without? my cat, my phone and my bed

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? garlic probably

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i cannot cook for shit so no one that i liked lmao

what’s your biggest fear in life? maybe like failure? 

window or aisle seat? window!

what’s your current tv obsession? actually obsessed with too hot to handle on netflix yikes

favorite app? probably instagram but i hate that

secret talent? uh i make sure everyone knows if i can do something well hehehehe

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? imagine being adventurous CANNOT relate

how would you define yourself in three words? kind, funny, sensible

favorite piece of clothing you own? probably my black skinny jeans as a staple or one of my stripey jumpers

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a leather jacket

a superpower you would want? the ability to freeze time

what’s inspiring you in life right now? uhhh there’s like endless inspiring people right now

best piece of advice you’ve received? when that guy from that hp book said worrying about something if suffering twice wow

best advice you’d give your teenage self? focus on yourself

a book everyone should read? read whatever you want hun

what would you like to be remembered for? my chaoctic good energy

how do you define beauty? it’s subjective

what do you love most about your body? maybe my eyes

best way to take a rest/decompress? lie tf down with a good movie and good snacks

favorite place to view art? i think street art is pretty sick

if your life was a song, what would the title be? fuck this

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? the piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? like just above my ankle

dolphins or koalas? koalas

what’s your spirit animal? a cat but specifically my cat

best gift you’ve ever received? a trip to new york

best gift you’ve given? i love getting my friends gig tickets

what’s your favorite board game? frustration (i think it might be called something else to other people tho)

what’s your favorite color? yellow

least favorite color? grey

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore makeup

blow-dry or air-dry? blow dry

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? tea

what’s the weirest word in the english language? who decided on the word moist

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate for sure

stairs or elevators? stairs (i’m lowkey scared of elevators) 

summer or winter? winter

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? salt and vinegar crisps (fight me)

a dessert you don’t like? anything with dark chocolate in it

a skill you’re working on mastering? i’m knitting a scarf right now but i’m not really mastering it as a skill i’m just doing the basic stitch and not really planning on learning more lmao

best thing to happen to you today? it’s my bestfriend’s birthday today so we just got off of a video chat!!

worst thing to happen to you today? i should’ve been seeing harry styles today so it’s all a bit shit really aint it

best compliment you’ve ever received? not like the BEST but some guy at work told me i was stronger than i look a few weeks ago and being physically stronger than all the men at my work is the most important thing to me lmao

favorite smell? books

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, would it be about? my cat what a guy

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? what if i cried at a fic the other day

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet!

girl crush? saoirse ronan, ana de armas and florence pugh

how do you know your in love? imagine if i knew lmaooooooooo

a song you can listen to on repeat? i only listen to songs on repeat we go hard in this house (the other day i listened to falling by harry on repeat for like an hour whilst i cleaned my room lmao)

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? someone rich as fuck living somewhere dead nice

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? imagine having something to be excited about that the moment....... a concept..........

#tagged

[akria23]

The tag frustrates me. I try to go along and other than some post here or there I try to ignore the problems but It irritates me that it’s 2019 and people are still so willfully ignorant about things like racism. And the fact that y’all try to pretend y’all give a shit to get likes (and actually get them) floors me. We all know BB history and it would be cool if y’all were actually trying to incite some genuine dialogue but y’all are just parroting each other in ways that reveal your ignorance.

For example - I don’t know how many ‘I’m confused about why he hates her so much” or the post that look for excuses for his behavior by placing the reason of hate back on Kemi’s shoulders.

I know a lot of y’all ain’t black but everyone should know by now that the bases of racism is illogical. It’s illogical hate that stems from someone’s skin color - a belief of inferiority. So this need y’all have to find out what Kemi has done to him to cause this hate is problematic in itself because it places a responsibility on her shoulder that does not belong. Like I said before this ain’t about no unseasoned chicken so the post that makes it about that....😒. Y’all not only use the excuse that’s already there for y’all - you create more - “I bet she refused his advances” “He serectly likes her I bet!” “ She didn’t stoke his ego!” You all did the same damn thing when it came to his hate for Ovi - some of y’all had the nerve to imply it’s because he’s in the closet and wants Ovi - that kind of dialogue is disgusting and problematic.

This need to reassociate responsibility stems from the incapability to empathize with the victim of the situation. Making it about her womanhood allows those women who are not of color to put themselves in the situation (which creates empathy). Same with the poc unbrella those who are poc but not black will make her entire situation it about poc and not about the struggles of black women (even tho in America there’s a trickle down effect because all people of color are not on the same level). And so on and so forth.

I keep saying y’all don’t care about racism or about what Kemi is facing and I mean that because y’all will focus on the white man (who it is okay to consider problematic in 2019) but then will say to the others in the house who help facilitate the situation Kemi is living in - “You’re on thin ice...I still like you tho” “I don’t wanna hate you...” “oh she just a rat...I like her tho”. Y’all will forgive them at the drop of a hat, accept their tired ass excuses, or ignore their behavior all together.

Y’all praise these people for the bare fucking minimum. Christie don’t give a ish about Kemi - she just didn’t want America to see her as a racist for putting out the black girl right after the black guy. Bella is another Alex she don’t believe in racial solidarity. She keeps pictchibg Kemi over that wall. While I don’t think Ovi deserves to go but he just as bad as Bella - he was saying let’s get Kemi out and he’s okay trying to flourish under the same white men he should know hate him but will turn around and use racial solidarity to Kemi. And the other chick - Ana something (I refuse to call her sis) ohhh she’s the most interesting one. Because she will keep her foot on Kemi’s neck as long as home girl is there. She’ll keep Kemi there but she’ll also keep the fire of hate for her aflame because she knows she can use it. She knows that if the dislike resides at the end of the day they gonna choose her over Kemi.

This shit happens every day not just in the game. People use their advantages/privilege and will use your neck as step up if they have to even when those advantages come from race relations, sexual relations, gender relations, or anything else. I used to get so upset at watching this show because of how the black players were treated inside and out. When I first started BB I was so naive and basically stupid - I mean just dumb. But this is the first season I could look at the players and call them for what they would be before the season even got started and so when they went in being who I knew they were gonna be - the shit didn’t even hit me as hard as it normally would have. I’m not unbothered by the antics of this season but I am as unbothered as I’ve ever been because same shit different season. I am however bothered by the tag because I’m noticing how - same shit different season it is as well. The easiest thing is to have a discussion but this tag will talk about other platforms that in reality they aren’t much better than.

I don’t know about y’all but I entertain this show for two reasons:

1). I’m waiting for the American Ika Wong (in handlement of the issues not a lookalike)

2). Because BB is a social experiment in many ways and the behaviors of these people as to what they think is acceptable when society rules goes out the door in the name of money or the excuse of an game - reminds me of how we really are in society when we strip all the fake bs away.

Yes I’m back to long posting 🙄. I know some of y’all weak ones like to complain about length and format - basically admitting that you lack the ability to read/comprehend that much - when you can’t rebuttal any of my points 😪 but considering this is a serious issue let’s try to refrain. I say all this because I think people are more interested in pretending they’re about something - than actually being about something. Or on the better end they have these feelings because because they are okay with being willfully ignorant (and yes that’s a real thing) they refuse to self educate themselves on things sometimes simply because they can get away with sirface bs. I just wish if the show was gonna be a butterball pit of shit that the fandom didn’t have to be one as well. That some good shit could come out of this mess.

#bb21 #only a few came with the real #i appreciate them

[liminalchasm]

is ana amari actually supposed to be a hijabi? i’ve seen at least one post positing that, but like. the new mummy skin shows off her arms and legs in places, even tho it has a tp looking mummy wrap hood. she didn’t wear a head-covering in her younger years. her hood shows off her hair. if bliz was trying to portray her head-covering as a hijab they did not do that. but it’s so far off that i kind of doubt that was the intention at this point, there are other head coverings worn for other reasons

it’s disappointing tho, because i feel like maybe they didn’t put too much thought into it, where they had a really good chance to actually respectfully portray an older muslim woman

[pwnyta]

Can you give us a list of your favorite skin for every character in Over watch

YES I CAN! Under the cut!!

In alphabetical order.

Ana- Pirate Ana is almost TOO hot.

Ashe- I love old mobster aesthetic.

Bastion- Im not always impressed with Bastion skins... but I like the little robot bird and the colors are nice.

Brigitte- Same for Brigitte... but this is pretty cute.

DVa- Cop DVa is a close second.

Doomfist- Tux Doomfist is a close second... I couldnt resist the tum though.

Genji- ........he looks like Iron Man.

Hanzo- Nothing compares to this look.

Junkrat- Because im a furry this is the only time I thought Junkrat was good looking.

Lucio- He has A LOT of great skins... but loose hair, non obscured face, tummy tats, fueling my irrational Doomcio needs with that gold fist belt buckle

McCree- I hate most of McCrees skins... this is pretty neat tho.

Mei- PJ Mei and Bee Keeper Mei is really cute too...

Mercy- Sugarplum Mercy was a close second.

Moira- Dark Mercy aesthetic is best.

Oirsa- One of the coolest skins in general.

Pharah- I couldnt choose between Iron Man!Pharah, Anubis!Pharah, and what Reinhardt wishes his spooky armor skin was!Pharah.

Reaper- I couldnt choose between pumpkin face and handsome face.

Reinhardt- Though its a less cool than Pharahs spooky armor its still the dopest Reinhardt skin.

Roadhog- Its just beautiful.

Soldier 76- Will any skin ever beat this?

Sombra- I liked the monster hunter or w/e skin too but the brown colors of it kinda... sucked?

Symmetra- Symmetra has a lot of dope skins. I cant pick between these three.

Torbjorn- Adorable.

Tracer- Cadet and Graffiti were close but nothing beats this punky purple.

Widowmaker- Nothing comes close to this. Its gorgeous.

Winston- Fluffy good boy.

Wrecking ball- I actually dont like any of his skins... but this is closest to aight.

Zarya- I hate it as much as I love it.

Zenyatta- Opposites that are equally lovely.

#Shots fired..

[imaginedolanscribbles]

Numb

Ethan x reader

warnings: signs of/light depression, swearing, underage drinking

words: 4.159

note: this is the continuation of Fine, as requested by so many of you (especially @heyvalhere96 @graysonbaileyandethangrant @grethanscudi)! This is basically just more hurt and (still) no happy ending. A third part will be coming up, too! Hope I don’t disappoint :)

With numbing yourself down comes determination. You’re not dependent on him, you’re strong and you can find your own happiness. You don’t need anybody. The problem is, you might know that, but Ethan doesn’t. Not yet, anyway.

So, how do you show him? Not so easy when you’re miles and miles away from him. But what’s the internet for, right? You know he follows you on Instagram, so all you have to do is capture it in a picture and post it.

This is how you end up going out much more than you usually do. In the beginning it is almost every night of the week that you find yourself squeezed in between sweaty strangers swaying to a pounding beat that drowns out any melody that might have once belonged to the track played by the DJ. The lights are flashing and you don’t want to be here, but you’re sick of lying in bed, your thoughts finding darker and darker paths that never seem to end. So you drink as much as you can, dance to the beat, and welcome the heat of the moving bodies all around you. And sometimes there will be hands settling heavy on your hips, a stranger’s body pressing up against your backside, and someone’s hot breath in your ear. Usually you need another drink, because it makes you feel so dirty – not in the sexy way, the literal way that makes you feel like there are now slimy, muddy handprints all over your body. If you’re lucky, the guy will pay for your drink, and if he’s cute you take a picture with him and post it.

And you always, always make sure Ethan has seen it. Your notifications say he hasn’t missed a single one. Remembering the stranger’s hands on you, their sweat sticking to you, their breath hot and disgusting in your hair, against your neck, still makes bile rise in the back of your throat. That feeling of defiance that comes with it makes it worth it, though, you tell yourself.

He can see how little you need him, now, how much fun you can have all on your own. “But he will never see you”, a little vile voice whispers in your head. It takes time, but eventually you manage to tune it out.

By the end of the semester your skin is itchy and red all the time, since no amount of showering and scrubbing seems to be able to wash away the disgusting feeling that keeps sticking to you with every new stranger touching you. You don’t know how much longer you can keep this up, but you don’t know what else to do. You have discovered, as long as you don’t think about Ethan, you’re fine. The obvious solution is to just keep yourself distracted, too busy to think about him.

You dread coming home for the holidays. Not because of Ethan, you’re fairly confident you’ve numbed yourself sufficiently for it not to hurt seeing him, at this point. You’re scared you won’t be able to distract yourself as efficiently at home, as you can at Uni. For a brief moment you consider not going home at all, but then you can’t realistically stay anywhere else. You don’t really have a choice.

    oooo

   Your grades slipped. Of course they did, when you were out pretty much every night and unable to stay awake during the day. And your parents know. There is shouting when you get home, lots of shouting and accusations and disappointment. It doesn’t last very long, though, since you don’t really have anything to respond with. How are you supposed to defend yourself, when you know full well they’re right? You’re failing. Failing them, failing yourself, failing at everything. So you just nod and stare at your feet, the feeling of tears pricking at the back of your eyes so familiar, you don’t even notice it. You don’t cry. Not in front of them, not when they’re right.

Nobody wakes you the next morning and they’re gone when you get up. A note tells you they’ve gone out grocery shopping and to call if you need anything. You don’t call.

Your phone notifies you of three texts.

Two from Gray:

Yesterday, 11:43 pm – You home yet?

Today, 10:09 am – Wake up sleepyhead, we’re going swimming!

One from Ethan:

Today, 00:42 am – Hope your flight was okay

You stare at the screen for a whole minute, your fingers hovering over the keys. What are you supposed to reply? Yes? No? There used to be a warmth blooming in your chest whenever they texted, guiding your fingers almost instinctively. You always knew how to reply to them. But sometime between then and now that warmth seems to have disappeared.

Finally you type:

Today, 12:55 pm -- Yeah, home now. Busy tho, maybe next time.

Biting your lip you add: Sorry.

   oooo

   It’s two weeks into vacation and you’re lying in your garden, listening to the world move around you. You discovered you actually don’t need to distract yourself, anymore. Listening is effective, too. As long as there’s noise around you, be it someone talking to you or a dog barking in the distance or simply the sounds of traffic, you can concentrate on that until it turns into white noise encasing you in cottony oblivion. Spacing out is just like getting drunk, only slightly more healthy.

Curiously enough, it doesn’t help with the tiredness, though. You still feel heavy, ready to close the blinds and crawl under the covers all the time.

You don’t know how long you’ve been lying in the grass like this. Your eyes are closed because like this you can focus on the sounds better. That’s probably why you don’t see them coming.

One minute there’s only sun burning down on you, trying to press warmth into your skin, since there’s apparently nothing left in you that can produce anything resembling warmth inside you anymore. The next, there's a shadow falling over your face and something nudges the side of your head.

Jolting, you open your eyes and look directly into familiar brown-green ones. Ethan is standing over you, staring down at you, and Grayson is squatting next to you. They were his knuckles that nudged your head, judging from the smirk on his lips.

“Found you!”, he declares like this was a game of hide and seek. Well. You suppose that might actually be pretty accurate.

Your eyes flicker from Gray to Ethan and yeah, there’s that echo of pain, again. But it’s slightly subdued, like a faraway cry of pain. You seem to have successfully put a good distance between you and your heart, at least a few football fields. Probably frozen over ones. Somehow it feels like there should be ice involved.

“Hey there”, you reply and sit up.

Gray immediately pulls you to his chest, promptly loses his balance and both of you fall back to the ground. His laugh is loud and harsh in your ear. It takes you a second to remind yourself to laugh with him, like you should. You pat his chest lightly and finally stand up. Gray holds out his hand for you and Ethan to help him up, and you do.

Receiving a hug from Ethan is weirdly surreal. You can see yourself standing there being engulfed in his long arms, and you know how warm his chest feels, know that he will be smelling like sweat, laundry, and concrete, and how his hair brushes silkily over your temple. You can’t feel it, though. It’s like your whole body has become callous to his touch, layered and layered with numbness until nothing can reach your heart anymore. Thinking back how you felt the last time you saw him, you decide you much prefer this actually.

Your mom brings you iced lemonade and cookies when you settle down on the shitty, creaky chairs surrounding the old table standing on the terrace. She must be the one who let them in.

Anytime either of them texted you in the past weeks, you just replied you were busy. And you don’t talk about it. Nobody mentions it, like it isn’t something all of you know.

“We’ve missed you”, Gray says and throws his arm around your shoulders, hugging you close once again.

You still just don’t know what to say to them. What is there to say? “I feel like I’m suffocating constantly and I’m still in love with Ethan, which doesn’t make any fucking difference because even if he didn’t have Ana, there would be absolutely no chance of us happening, since I’m a piece of shit who can’t get her life together and just keeps causing the people close to her grief”? As soon as that thought comes to your mind, you feel your stomach cramping up. Suddenly Gray’s arm feels so wrong, slung around you, touching you. He’s got his hands were others have touched you, their dirty handprints still burning on your skin.

“Me too”, you mumble and hunch your shoulders a little more, wishing nothing more than to be far, far away, and forget how good it feels to have them around. How much warmth and light they bring with them, brightening up your world without even trying. How the way Ethan’s hair keeps flopping into his eyes makes your heart flutter, like it forgot it has already splintered into a million pieces. How the circles under his eyes make you want to trace them softly with your fingertips.

You’re grateful for this wrung-out feeling of no tears left to spill over. You have nothing left to give, nothing to offer that hasn’t been completely and utterly broken. There’s nothing you need to protect anymore, there’s nothing left to lose.

   oooo

   That evening, your mom comes into your room. She sits on the bed, but you don’t move. You just lie there and look at her, waiting for her to say whatever she came to say. She takes a deep breath, tries to start talking but there's a darkness in her eyes – worry. It’s worry, you realize after a moment. Before you can ask yourself what that means, she shakes her head and cups your face gently in between her hands. Her thumb starts stroking your forehead slowly and suddenly you feel five years old again.

She used to do this whenever you hurt yourself, whenever you scratched your knee or bumped your head against something or other. And just like then, she starts humming the tune of that lullaby about the porcupine, her eyes soft and her touch familiar, and suddenly there’s that lump in your throat again. The one you can’t seem to swallow past.

“You okay?”, she whispers finally.

You can feel your eyes burning. “Fine.”

Her smile is so sad it makes your insides twist to know you put that expression there. She doesn’t stop stroking your forehead. “I know you’re not”, she says quietly. “You haven’t been eating well, you sleep all the time, and you don’t want to talk. About anything.”

You can’t even deny that, she is right. Of course she is. She’s your mom, of course she notices these things.

“I thought maybe Grayson and Ethan could cheer you up, but I was wrong, wasn’t I?” Her smile turns from sad to apologetic and you can’t stand it, you can’t look at her.

“I’m sorry”, is what comes out of your mouth, even as you press your eyes closed. You’re not even sure what you’re apologizing for – anything? Everything?

She makes a shushing sound and kisses your forehead. “You have nothing to be sorry for. But can you do one thing for me?”

You open your eyes, your lashes suspiciously damp. “Anything. Yeah.”

Her smile doesn’t lose its sadness, but inexplicably there’s pride now, too, and love and confidence. “Believe me.”

“Believe … what?”

“You’re gonna be fine”, she says taking your hand in both of hers, squeezing it lightly. “It doesn’t feel like it, I know. But I also know you’re gonna be just fine. Take all the time you need, no need to rush yourself. You can’t force yourself to feel anything that isn’t there, yet. So. Just believe me, when I tell you you’re going to be fine. Okay?”

You’re not sure why you nod slowly, agreeing. Maybe it’s because you’re tired and confused, or maybe it’s because it’s your mom. “Okay, Mom.”

She doesn’t leave until you’ve drifted off to sleep, her hand stroking your head and softly humming in the quiet of the room.

  oooo

   Her words snap you out of your dream-like state, at least at home. You start talking to your parents again, you even accompany them on some of their daily trips. The layer of ice you so carefully constructed around your heart starts thawing and while it lets you breathe more easily, it is also unforgiving in the intensity with which you start experiencing again.

Every text Gray and Ethan send is like a small cut from a short but sharp knife, the burning pain starting to pierce through the haze of numbness again.

You don’t manage to avoid them for long, and if you’re being honest, you’re not actually trying very hard. That’s how you end up at their place with your feet in the pool in order to cool down, one sunny afternoon no more than a week later.

Gray is floating in the pool, canary-yellow shorts contrasting nicely with his golden-brown skin and dark sunglasses are perched on his nose. You’re looking at him contemplating – he’s very attractive, actually. You never really noticed, Gray always being too much of a brother to you for your thoughts wandering in that direction, but now that you’re actually looking it is blatantly obvious. He’s going to make a girl very happy, one day. And you’re absolutely going to skin her, should she ever hurt him.

That’s when Ethan steps out of the house, a cool drink in one hand, his phone in the other. He’s wearing shorts and a black t-shirt that reveals his collarbones. He has his sunglasses pushed up into his hair, only a few stray curls making their way into his face now. In comparison to Gray, Ethan is quite pale, you realize. He probably is a tiny fraction smaller than Gray – to be honest, though, Gray’s arms are bordering on insane, so that doesn’t really mean anything at all.

It’s no use anyway, even if Ethan never worked out again or started wearing his grandpa’s clothes, he would probably still be the most attractive human being you can imagine.

He chooses exactly that moment to look up, his eyes tangling with yours, holding you there. Until he opens his mouth. “I need to pick up Ana in half an hour, don’t let me forget.”

You push down whatever emotion starts rising up inside of you, force it down until your fingertips start prickling, and turn back around to look at Gray lazily paddling towards you until he can grab your ankle and use it as an anchor.

“Why? Can’t you remember your own girlfriend for more than a few minutes?”, he teases and rolls his eyes. His fingers slung around your ankle squeeze you for half a second, so quickly you might have imagined it.

“Like you’d know anything about it, Mr-hasn’t-had-a-girlfriend-in-years”, Ethan retorts and drops down onto the lounger stood to your right. You can actually feel his gaze settling on where Gray holds onto you. There’s a pause. Then: “You know, if you guys were … well … you know … you know. You would tell me, wouldn’t you?”

Your heart is somewhere in your throat and you can’t find the words to reply to that. Gray doesn’t seem to realize Ethan is talking to him for a long moment, before he starts furrowing his brow and lifts his head slowly. He pushes his sunglasses up to frown at Ethan.

“What?”

“I mean, like”, Ethan stammers blushing, shrugs defensively and gestures to your ankle and Gray’s hand. “Wouldn’t be that improbable, would it? You two have been pretty close for a few months now, like … you can’t blame me asking, okay?”

Gray stares at him disbelievingly, the frown only deepening on his face, but his grip around your ankle never loosens.

“We’re not … I’m not in a relationship, right now”, you manage to get out.

“Yeah, c’mon E, we’d tell you”, Gray scoffs settling his head back down and putting on his sunglasses again.

“Oh, right, I forgot”, Ethan mumbles, but this time there’s something underlying his voice. Yes, there’s definitely judgment in his voice. You can actually see Gray’s eyes widening and flickering to your face as if to check, whether you picked up on it.

As if anyone could’ve missed that. “Excuse me?”

Ethan looks up from his phone and shrugs, like he never said anything.

“No, really. What do you mean by that?”, you insist, pull your feet out of the water and turn around fully to face Ethan. “What did you forget?”

Ethan sighs as if you’re being unreasonable, which riles you up even more. “I just… It’s nothing. You were having a good time at Uni last semester, yeah? Nothing wrong with that.”

“Yes”, you say slowly, clearly. “I agree. There’s nothing wrong with having a bit of fun.”

Ethan doesn’t say anything for a moment, before his shoulders droop a little and he scoots to the foot of the lounger, close enough for you to be almost sitting between his spread legs now. He bites his lip, visibly uncertain which words to choose. “Look. I really didn’t mean to be judgmental or anything. I promise. I just… I think you could do much better, y’know? Like, why don’t you look for a potential boyfriend? All those different guys, they … well, it doesn’t fit. Just doesn’t suit you.”

You can’t help the bitter laugh that barks out of you at his words. “Yeah, right. Like there’s any decent guy who would want me.”

Ethan frowns. “What? I mean, I’m sure there’d be a few. Maybe not if you, you know, go out with a different guy every night … y’know, that might be an issue, but – “

“Wait a minute. I don’t sleep with them”, you protest. His head snaps up, genuine surprise in his eyes and it makes you scramble to your feet, away from him. “You really think I’d sleep all of those sleazy… any of those guys?” Ethan shrugs, looking a bit lost. “I go out. I drink and I dance. And yes, maybe I’ll dance with the next best guy and maybe I’ll even let him kiss me, just so I can forget for one fucking minute — not that that’s any of your business. But I don’t just sleep with random guys and you should know that. You should know me.”

Ethan has his forehead pulled into a confused frown, his head tilted slightly as he looks at you. Gray, still in the pool, seems to have completely frozen, his eyes wide and round as they spring from you to Ethan and back. He looks like he’s witnessing a car crash, frozen in place and unable to look away or prevent it from happening in the first place.

“Forget… what?”, Ethan asks slowly, realization dawning. “Is it still that mysterious guy you were so fucked up over?”

You don’t say anything, your feet rooted to the ground firmly, even when everything inside of you is screaming at you to run as far and fast as you can. Ethan looks at Grayson for confirmation, but Gray just stares back at him, latent panic creeping up in his eyes.

“It is, isn’t it? God, I’m gonna fucking punch this guy”, Ethan growls and stands up, too. “If you don’t tell me who it is now, Gray, I swear to god … “

Gray seems to finally be able to move again, and he scrambles to pull himself out of the pool. Then he stands there awkwardly. Dripping wet and half naked, between Ethan and you, his mouth opening and closing without a single word coming out.

“Gray”, Ethan says slowly, warningly, frowning again when Gray starts looking back and forth between him and you, like he’s following some sort of invisible tennis game. “You told me, we know him. He must be from here somewhere, just fucking tell me.”

“It’s … “, Gray starts slowly. You can only stare back at him, when Gray looks at you pleadingly, like he’s asking for guidance. Or permission. Panic paralyses your whole body now, you’re almost sure even your heart has stopped beating.

No, no, no. He can’t tell Ethan, he can’t.

But then why does it feel like you’re suffocating? Why does it feel like you’re just about to break through the surface of the cold water you’ve been trapped in for an eternity, and you’re choosing to stay underwater?

“It’s…”, Gray starts again. He hesitates for another second, then he takes a step towards you and takes your hand. “It’s me.”

“It’s – what?”, Ethan repeats.

You’re unable to move when Gray slides his arm around your shoulders and pulls you in, water and chlorine soaking your clothes. He presses a hesitant kiss to your cheek and, funnily enough, it doesn’t even feel all that wrong. Sweet and platonic, just like Gray. “You were right before. We just didn’t want to tell you, because …”

Ethan stares at the both of you in confusion, crossing his arms in disbelief. “So… you cheated on Gray consistently throughout this past semester, then? Kissing and dancing with all those … guys?”

You don’t know what to say. To any of it. To either of them. There are too many thoughts running through your head at head-spinning speed, too much emotion bubbling up inside for you to be able to name a single one of them. Your breathing is too quick, too shallow. No matter how desperately you pump air into your lungs, you can’t seem to actually get any oxygen.

“Uhm”, Gray stammers. “That… nah, we were on a break. Right? Just a break. But now we worked it out and … well … right?”

Ethan looks at you, waiting for your confirmation.

And you still can’t breathe. You can’t fucking breathe.

“It’s you.”

You didn’t mean to say it, but you can’t bring yourself to be sorry either. Although you barely more than whispered it, you know they both heard it. Gray lets out a huge breath next to you, his whole body going from fully tense to slumped. You stare into Ethan’s eyes, you can see the honest shock in them, and you can’t look away. “It was you. But you have Ana and I … don’t. So.”

Ethan’s mouth is hanging open and he blinks slowly, clearly struggling to grasp your words.

But it’s not as scary as you thought. You don’t even feel naked or exposed, it just feels like you finally ripped through the chains slowly suffocating you, squeezing all the air out of your lungs until you couldn’t move anymore. For the first time in months you feel at peace. You’re pretty sure you just ruined whatever kind of friendship was still left between you and Ethan, but then you had never really wanted friendship, had you? As long as you get to keep Gray in your life, you’ll be able to move on, now. Finally.

“I – I’ll go”, you mumble, turning away from Ethan and stroking Gray’s arm with a smile. You take a deep breath and it’s so freeing, your smile is almost genuine. “Thank you.”

Gray just looks at you and nods, his mouth pulled down in worry. “I’ll text you.”

You nod, before half turning around to Ethan, still stood on the same spot, unmoving. “Good bye, Ethan.”

“I – but – “, he stammers, shaking his head slowly.

“Forget it”, you interrupt him before he can say anything that’ll make you hurt again. You turn around once more when you’re at the door. Gray is looking at Ethan worriedly, while Ethan is staring at you looking like a lost puppy. Like he’s waiting for you to tell him, it’s all a joke. The smile that lifts one of the corners of your mouth tastes bitter. “It’s stupid anyway, right? You would never … not me … I could never be …”

You give up trying to end that sentence. With one last defeated shrug you duck through the doorway and leave so quickly, you’re not entirely sure how you made it home without crashing the car. As exhausted as you are, you fall asleep immediately when your head hits the pillow, even though it’s not even five in the afternoon.

You don’t dream at all, but then again, you haven’t dreamt for months now. What is there be to dream about, anyway?

My Masterlist

#ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan #dolan twins #dolan twins imagine #Fine #Numb #hurt #no happy ending #fanfiction #imagine #reader #my fic

[ollydee]

ana amari tips n tricks

stay calm, stay chill. everyone misses, and you’ll miss less often if you don’t let it get to you. Or like, get to your hands, anyway. Relax those hands! Stop gripping so hard! You got this!

get a gaming headset

good for defending yourself when people ask why you aren’t Mercy

save your sleep dart for when you need it

you need it when you’re attacked by some dps nerd who’s tired of getting killed by the tanks

you need it when someone ults

you need it when Rein charges

also when he drops his shield, ever

you need it when you gotta take out Torb’s turret but he’s hammering away at it at full health

you’ll know when you need it. the point is - don’t just spam it. save that puppy; it’s your best friend

get a nice emote, like maybe the dance one, to do over a slept enemy’s prone form in skirmish if they’re being a dick. Or in an actual match if you’ve got time and you’re daring, idk

definitely get the voiceline ‘everyone dies’

her guns are different from skin to skin and one of them is probably Yours more than the others. This is a good thing. Check em all out.

Not everyone has to be at full health at all times. They just gotta Survive. 

D.va doesn’t need healing as often as she thinks she does

get a gaming headset so you can tell her that

(Healing should still be priority one, though)

Don’t listen to the hipsters that tell you not to use your nade on your teammates. If there’s a few teammates (/the other healer/the tank/someone obnoxiously mobile) at critical, throw that nade, dude, you’re not any less skillful

flank a tank. Especially one with a shield. 

it’s good to be a little back from the group so you can see everyone and also not be a wee granny on the front lines

BUT still close enough that you’re not alone, vulnerable to any random Tracer or Genji

Get a gaming headset so you can yell for help when reaper decides to just attack from the back

“I slept Reaper, can you finish him off for me? Thanks sugar, have some heals” be nice; Ana would be

Being Up High is not always the best thing you can do, though it can make sniping easier

look around. if you can’t see your whole team, you’re not at the best vantage point possible. There probably is one. Look for it, and decide if it’s safe.

if you have one teammate that just Goes Off On Their Own, tho, fuck that, whatever, protect the ones who are doing their job

If you’re super hardcore, look up places to throw the nade right out of spawn so it lands on the objective. It is Really Fun to jump out of spawn, throw a nade, and eliminate someone before you even reach the battlefield

potgs do happen, but rarely. don’t start playing Ana cuz you wanna get potg, but don’t feel like it’s hopeless, either. 

get a gaming headset so everyone can hear you scream when you do get potg

I’m really sorry a lot of this is ‘get a gaming headset’

too much of playing Ana is about good communication with your team, so if you don’t have/want or you can’t afford a headset, be sure to communicate in other ways. 

Don’t worry about accuracy. There’s a reason her gun isn’t like Widow’s. Every shot doesn’t have to land. Just keep firing - if you miss your target, you might still heal someone else or do damage.

nade Roadhog whenever you see him trying to heal himself

when you nade yourself, first look around (quickly) to find a nearby friend or foe who might appreciate the splash on that

remember the nade splashes, too!! Rein’s got his shield up and the whole enemy team is right behind him? is there maybe something above or to the side you could throw it at? do that. Fuck em uuuuuup

remember: you are playing the most versatile, most difficult character in the game. every hit is an act of brilliance on your part and you’re getting better every day. Good luck! 

#ana amari #overwatch #feel free to add to this!!

[s-cretgarden-blog]

Reasons to keep going

For my own motivation because we have a lot of junk food in the house rn •pretty slip dresses that show off your collarbones •wearing thigh high fishnets with a garter belt and feeling sexy, not like a whale trapped in a net •having people reblog your bodychecks •thighs that don't touch even when you're laying down or sitting •selling your old clothes and buying a new size 0 wardrobe •overall shorts + a bralette will be your summer look •working out in a sports bra, not an oversized tshirt •no sucking in your stomach at the pool or beach •sundresses that feel freeing and fun not tight and embarrassing •looking gorgeous in anything, and even more gorgeous in nothing •grandmas baked goods taste better while wearing size 0 shorts •passing up on fatty foods won't hurt anymore because you'll have self control •no more vomiting up your poor food choices •manicured nails look better on slender fingers •you do want that belly button piercing for your birthday, don't you? •body modifications look stunning on slim figures •your friends will be blown away when school starts •your boyfriend will be blown away when he sees you •your boyfriend might even be concerned that you're losing TOO MUCH weight •working out with him is better than pigging out alone •going on beach dates and not feeling like a whale while standing next to him •getting called the "skinny girl" •sugar will taste gross after a while •do you want Doritos or size 0? •his clothes will look huge on your tiny figure, don't you know girls aren't supposed to fit in their boyfriends clothes? Only fat girls do •sleeping with him, you'll no longer take up all the bed like a hippo •tiny girls can sit on their boyfriends faces with ease, don't you want that? •tiny boobs and no fat is better than big boobs and tons of fat •besides a cup bras are always cuter than c cup bras •bodycon dresses won't make you look like the jet puff marshmallow man •imagine your tight clothes falling off you, now work for that •soon people will tag your pictures as "thinspo" •senior pictures are coming up, do you really want to look like an elephant for those? •you better be a dress size 2 by prom fatty •imagine fitting into your best friends clothes •no need to contour when you're thin •but you can do it anyway and look like a goddess because makeup will look so good on you •all this water = clear skin •"I'm worried about you, you've gotten so skinny" vs "no you're not fat!" •being so tiny you don't get your period •people you haven't seen in a while won't recognize you •you can say you're anorexic and people will believe you instead of saying "really? But you don't look like it" •all the time you used to spend eating can now be spent doing art and things you actually enjoy •when pretty girls faint people care, so it's better to be skinny and sick than fat and ignored •bikinis and swimsuits belong on skinny bodies •any hairstyle compliments a skinny face •no more second chin •count your ribs, oh wait you can't you're fat. Soon you will tho •eating less than 300 calories will be a breeze •soon 500 cals will sound like too much •no more depressed days in bed because you'll be gorgeous and happy •dainty, tiny, fragile, frail, small, petite, slender, slim, thin will all be words used to describe you Keep going, you can do it ~Ana xoxo

#major tw #tw eating disorder #meanspo #thinspo #personal #motivation #anorexia #ana

[junkcrs]

GIMMIE ALL THE ANSWERS MY DUDE

Oh fuck off LMAO

1. Who is your defense main?Mei?? Junkrat??? I definitely have more hours on Junkrat lmao, but if we’re playing comp y’know I’m all about that gold gun Mei

2. Who is your support main?Imma go with Lucio, even though I play every healers at least decently, he’s my top played boy at what... 110 hours? from a flex players that’s a lot yknow

3. Who is your offense main?No thanks, I don’t have that much fun with DPS man, Pharah or Soldier are my best ones bc ez tbh LMAO

4. Who is your tank main?Trick question, all of them. I have the gold hammer but who doesn’t. Playing a shit ton of Winston too, have an impressive amount of hours on DVA and I am (was?? lmao) a solid hog. I play Zarya out of necessity in comp sometimes. Only one I don’t play is Orisa

5. Who is you MAIN main?Uh. IDK. Depends on if it’s QP or Comp. Like... Junkrat is in my top 3 most played and yet I never touched him in comp, etc. I just call myself a tank main ngl.... who has the most hours on Lucio I guess LMAO

6. Which character have you played the least?Orisa, then I think it’s Bastion, both under an hour

7. Which character do you want to learn how to play?Idk I’m pretty satisfied with my character pool, I GUESS a real decent dps but that’s lame

8. Which character do you dislike the most?Tracer whenever she talks tbh... Or Zarya but that’s just because I really don’t give a shit about Zarya

9. Which character’s background story do you like the most?Everyone knows it’s Hog lmfao, it’s so good dude like very little is said about it but at the same time there’s just so much and then so much more when you decide to really stop and think about it. Honorable mention @ winston too

10. Which character’s background story do you like the least?Hmmm there are quite a lot I just straight up find not interesting, Zarya, once again. Or like Pharah I’m so just...  lukewarm about it lmfao. I know literally 96% of the fandom disagrees but idc

11. Which map is your favorite?King’s Row, Numbani, Eichenwalde... Hybrids maps my dude. Lijiang except control point. Also in QP, Anubis defense is the stupidest shit

12. Which map is your least favorite?Oasis & Route 66

13. What Arcade game type is your favorite?Mystery heroes lmaaaao

14. What Arcade game type is your least favorite?Total Mayhem is.... not fun

15. Do you prefer quick play, competitive, arcade mode, or custom games?QP is my go to, but I love comp, especially since I stopped caring

16. Which map type is your favorite? Assault, escort, assault & escort, control, or arena?Hybrids, ez. Then KOTH, 

17. Which map type is your least favorite? Assault, escort, assault & escort, control, or arena?2CP tends to be pretty stale sometimes

18. Which event map was your favorite?Uprising is such an easy win. Fun PvE without getting repetitive  like Halloween

19. Which event map reskin was your favorite?Christmas King’s Row, it was so pretty man. I also really really liked spooky Hollywoods. Holiday themed maps are just fun

20. Which event was your favorite?I think Halloween was the one I had the most fun honestly, not so much the event but the winposes matching and it was the first time a map got reskinned and I remember just going through the map with my friends while we were all freaking out about it

21. Which event legendary skin was your favorite?Cruiser D.Va, Bajie Hog, Ironclad Torb, Witch Mercy.

22. Which event was your least favorite?Summer Games was pretty.... ok? Idk the lucioball was fun but beside that it was aight at best. Or maybe the anniversary event but then again nah... cuz the emotes and skins were on point.

23. Which event legendary skin was your least favorite?I GUESS Null Sector Orisa because it takes away her face and expressions like... pls.... give the ^ ^ back

24. Which event non-legendary skin was your favorite?Mako Hog, Junker DVa, Sunyatta Zen, Deadlock Torb, Daredevil 76 :^)

25. Which event non-legendary skin was your least favorite?Goth Zarya probably LMAO even though I sometimes use them just because theyre so laughably bad. Young shimada bros ain’t great either IMO, but I use young Hanzo because I only play Hanzo as a joke and I like getting the potg with the highlight intro where his hair is just blocking his entire face

26. Which event item do you most regret not getting?Junkrat’s intro 8( and all the voicelines i forgot to buy. 

27. Did you beat the Uprising event on Normal, Hard, Expert, and Legendary?Hard definitely, maybe expert? IDK I didnt especially try to get the achievements so idk

28. Do you have Sombra’s “Power Outage” achievement?Doubt it I don’t really play her

29. Do you have Widowmaker’s “Smooth as Silk” achievement?Yeah I remember I jumped off a roof while being chased by a reaper and just headshot him on the way down

30. Do you have Lucio’s “The Floor is Lava” achievement?Yeah, got it in comp on LiJiang it was great

31. Do you have Zenyatta’s “Rapid Discord” achievement?Yeah, Overtime Gibraltar is pretty fun

32. What was the first achievement you got? how the fuck do u expect me to remember this. The only achievement I clearly remember getting in the beta was junkrat one with the mine into trap thing but I know thats not the first

33. Did you get the “Not A Scratch,” achievement on Junkenstein’s Revenge?I dont think so

34. What has been the hardest achievement to get for you?Reaper solo kills lmfao

35. What’s your current SR score in Competitive Mode?Uuuh something around 2600? Idk I’ve been pretty bad LMAO especially since I get disconnects a lot :/ and also dont grind comp

36. What the highest you’ve been in Competitive?Diamond something like 3150 or so

37. What’s the most amount of placement matches you’ve won?7? Maybe?

38. How many gold guns do you have?Two, Rein and Mei

39. Which was the first gold gun you got?Big Hammer, bc it’s so obvious and I like smacking people with it

40. Whose gold gun do you currently want?I kind of always wanted the gold hook(tm) but now I’m not too sure with the nerfs :/ Maybe Winston LMAO

41. What role do you usually play in Competitive?Tank, or heals especially if its a KOTH map because of all these boops potentials

42. If you don’t play Competitive, why not?I do tho

43. What kind of theme event would you like to see in the future?Horrible beach party where no one has an actual revealing swimsuit save for roadhog

44. What type of character would you like to see in the future?More healers tbh, I’ve seen a lot of people ask for an evil healer and yea that sounds great

45. Who needs more (or better) skins in the future?See the logical answer would be widow or zarya yknow but no i mostly just want more junkrat even skins

46. What country would you like a new character to come from?Give us a french canadian hero

47. Favorite voice line?Junkrat’s multikills voicelines are what fuels me, Come out and play is a fave, and the ouverture singing. And Road and Rein just laughing at multikills too man

48. Favorite player icon?Have fish masterrace

49. Favorite emote?Lucio’s dance, Roadhog’s sit, Junkrat’s sit, Roadhog’s headbanging, Winston’s PB, Ana’s Candy

50. Favorite spray?PUNCH KID MASTERRACE

51.Favorite victory pose?I like when everyone is just squatting

52. Favorite highlight intro?I like all the ones where they shove their guns in your face so you can see how gold it is

53. Characters you ship the most?No I, don’t care............ I only ship Winston and happiness y’know it. I’m ok with some ships but I truly do not actively ship anything nor care about it

54. Characters you ship the least?Junkrat x anything makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I’ve never been so attached to another character not being interested in romance before, it just rubs me the wrong way. a lot

55. Characters you wish had more in-game interactions?Roadhog and anyone, don’t get me wrong, I love how he just doesn’t talk to anyone except junkrat (and mccree once to threaten him) and just talks to himself, but pls lmao. Also more torb and rein pls, their interactions are so fucking good lmao

56. Character you wish had a comic about?Lucio

57. Favorite comic released?Going Legit or the Bastion one

58. Favorite short released?Last Bastion

59. Favorite new character released?Grandma’s pretty tight

60. Overwatch, Blackwatch, or Talon?Uh Talon, I guess? Probs overwatch tho because at least we know what’s their goal beside ‘lmao we’re bad guys’

61. Pro-Omnic or anti-Omnic?I’m pro omnic yall know it

62. Favorite character that isn’t a playable one? (Ex: Emily, Brigitte, Gerard, Efi, etc.)Athena

63. Character change (nerf, boost, work around) that you liked the most?No more Junkrat self damage is fucking hilarious, and the whole Lucio changes are fucking incredibly fun

64. Character change (nerf, boost, work around) you liked the least?Roadhog 8( FeelsBadMan

65. Best ultimate?Rein is easily my fave one. It can be absolutely useless or you can get a team wipe with it if you use it well. It’s so satisfying

66. Worst ultimate?I would’ve said McCree but now it’s actually pretty good. Gotta say Hanzo’s pretty fucking horrid lmao

67. Most kills in game?shit lemme go see... In QP it’s 41 with Hog, in comp it’s 58 with D.Va ( I once got 50 with Lucio?? lmao )

68. Most heals in game?In QP, 16.8K with Lucio and in comp 37K with... also Lucio

69. What character do you think needs a nerf? D.Va’s DM probably...... lmao or a slight rework at least

70. What character do you think needs a buff?I’d really like if the hook cooldown for hog went back to 6 seconds, or listen... I’d love for torb to be actually decent, could you imagine... 

71. Have you ever rage quit in the middle of a game?Nope lmao

72. What’s the fastest you’ve won a game?Like a minute and a half on Volkskaya or something

73. What’s the fastest you’ve lost a game?Probably the same thing

74. Your best Overwatch-related story?I met some of my best friends through it, yes yes im looking at you, rayan :^)

75. Weirdest thing that happened to you on Overwatch?One night I got matched against all of my irl friends it was great and completely random

76. Platform you play on?PC, I own it on ps4 as a joke but it’s awful, I’m awful. lmao

77. Do you stream?If people asks 

78. Do you normally play solo or with friends?Friends usually, I don’t mind playing alone tho

79. Have you made any friends because of Overwatch?So many

80. Have you cosplayed a character from Overwatch?Nope, I’d make a nice mei tho i have the same glasses and i also happen to be evil

81. Have you ever wrote fan fiction about Overwatch?I never wrote fanfiction lmao but my blog... lmao

82. What’s the lowest you’ve been in Competitive?2400? 2300? we don’t talk about the end of season 4

83. In “All Brawls,” if you get “Charge!” do you play Reinhardt or do you pick the Lucio role?I don’t think I’ve ever played that, but I’d play lucio just for the boops

84. In “All Brawls,” if you get “One Shot, One ,” do you play Ana, Hanzo, or Widowmaker?Havent played either, id be fine with anyone tho 

85. In “All Brawls,” if you get “This is Ilios,” do you pick Lucio or Roadhog?i dont play brawls idk.......... lucio bc i can just jump on roadhogs heads and be safe

86. Team Genji or Team Hanzo?Team idc about shimada bros im so sorry

87. Be honest! Do you usually get on the payload?Im top 1% objective time lucio baby

88. Does your team?yeah cuz i dont play with morons lmao, even randoms im usually pretty lucky

89. What’s the longest session of Overwatch you’ve played?I dont think I want to know

90. No Limits, Mystery Heroes, or Total Mayhem?Mystery Heroes, ez

91.Most cosmetics you have for one character?I have most of cosmetics for everyone

92. Least cosmetics you have for one character?Orisa, she’s new

93. Have you ever made your own custom game?Nope

94. Best D.Va skin?Bruiser

95. Best Mercy skin?Witch? I think

96. Best Tracer skin?How about.... none........ jk the latest one was decent

97. Zarya’s Industrial and Cybergoth skins: yes, no, or HELL NO?all day everyday

98. Do you want more animal character, robot characters, or human characters?JET PACK CAT. id be down for... one more animal character, otherwise thatd be too much. another robot eventually, though we just got one. im fine with humans

99. Is there are character you’d get rid of completely?widow tbh, i dont care for her much lorewise, she’s french and also either 1. they’re mostly useless in a match or 2. good and simply unfun to play against

100. What do you think Sombra’s real name is?idk lmao ive never really bothered to think about that

#pinkhairedbadass #jk i love that shit #;ᴿᵃᵛᶤᵒˡᶤ ʳᵃᵛᶤᵒˡᶤ ᵍᶤᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᴷᵃᶰᵒˡᶤ ( OOC. ) #level 860 still dont know whats my main #good shit