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shitpostingsystem · 4 months

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bsd ramblings (season 3 and 4)

“is there really any value to this thing we call living?” dazai’s a mood

KID DAZAI AND CHUUYA OMFGOMFG

“what kind of suicidal punk are you” — chuuya to his future husband

omg i love the sillies

mori sounds like the kurzgesagt dude ngl

THEY HATE EACH OTHER OMG THEYRE SO IN LOVE

THE B A N T E R

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

chuuya being a shortie is so fun. “i’m still growing” growing my ass just kiss dazai already

THE ODA PARALLELS AAAAAAAAAAAAA

dazai you autistic motherfucker

chuuya being a gang leader is fun

dazai is my silly

wait so chuuya’s technically 7 years younger than he actually is?

gravity boi x suicidal manic, my favorite ship dynamic

THE BABIS ARE SKKING THE BABIS ARE SKKING THEYRE DOUBLE BLACK WKEHRUEHUFUEBDHDHSBEH

when are dazai and chuuya gonna kiss dammit

THE SILLIES ARE BANTERING JEUDHWHSUHE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

WHY IS DOSTOYEVSKY SO FINE

dostoyevsky is so silly

i am in dire need of more pm dazai. i need it all. i need more. i crave my husband’s past life. i need to see him and chuuya kiss while wiping out their enemies.

i can’t wait to write fanfic once i finish this show. i don’t wanna screw up anything canon wise so i’ll wait. i’ll watch all of the show plus the spin-off to get all the dazai i can. i’ve already pirated the movie, nothing can stop me now.

dazai is a slut and i love him for it. this is actually canon (at least during his pm years he was)

dazai x kunikida x chuuya

kyouka is my child, i love her so much

I HATE FANSERVICE. I THOUGHT BSD WOULD BE THE GOOD ANIME WITHOUT IT

KYOUKA MY BABY IM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS I LOVE HERRRRR

power of money?? real american o7 yeehaw capitalism

bro just walked into someone’s home, sat down, and started laughing

“black daniels” HEY THATS JACK DANIELS

“hey poe!! it’s so nice to see you!!” JUST KISS ALREADY YOU TWO

the random ass fish-eye cuts in this show 😭😭

“OBJECTION!!” what is this, ace attorney???

i love how the superhumans are called gifteds, implying they’ve taken at least one honors/ap course. by that logic, i’m extra gifted (im in honors history and english)

i haven’t seen dazai in a while wtf. where’s my husband?? i’ve barely seen kunikida, let alone chuuya. ok he’s here rn, prob won’t be for long

ok but seriously mori is a pedo. elise is getting used even though she’s a fucking brat who gets what she wants

oh shit they got blew up

nvm

DID AKUTAGAWA JUST NARUTO RUN

oh shit i forgot the catholic existed. puritan, whatever. same difference, both are culty at times

FUCK MORI. THAT FUCKING PEDO.

i think what i love about bsd is that the characters are complex. dazai can be considered a serial killer and definitely bad mentor to akutagawa but an amazing mentor to atsushi and is my husband

i love dostoyevsky’s english va. they did such an amazing job. 100/10 russian accent

MY HUSBAND GOT SHOT OMGOMGOMG MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYY

HI CHUUYA I MISSED YOU. AKUTAGAWA TOO HI HELLO

RANPO <33 MY SILLY GETTING SERIOUS OOOOOO

HI KENJI IT’S BEEN SO LONG I HAVENT SEEN YOU

CHUUYA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

virus cannibalism my favorite /j

kunikida has tear gas powers? what is he, a cop???

oh noooo a kid got shotttttt how terribleeeeee /s

THE SAD AF MUSIC I CANT WHY IS THERE A CELLO HERE

oh that’s why, dostoyevsky has one

I LOVE GIN <33

kenji the silly!!

“aren’t you the one who lost to dazai?” RANPO RUBBING THE WOUND IN DAMN

the music is autism frfr

KARL <333333

“if ranpo really were to die in that world though, what would i do with myself?” — edgar allen poe

katai’s dead? damn. rip ig

oh shit here’s the bowl cut lemon dude

the office girls are dating

damn fukuzawa and mori had a past together

WHY DOES NATSUME LOOK LIKE WALMART HITLER

dazai making his kids work together is gold

“what did you have for dinner last night?” “yes” GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

the classical music omg

“you’re quite the rough ride, yknow” that’s what she said

“enough, you’re not paying for this ride” that’s what she said

incel (katai) isn’t dead

i love how dazai is the mafia boss in a different timeline

akutagawa and atsushi are so down bad for each other omg

my native english speaking ass hears theodore instead of fyodor. i’m pretty sure it’s the same but different languages but still

dazai <3

ranpo <3

BAR LUPIN BAR LUPIN WJSBAJBSKWUSMSIMSJDBHSJSHSHS IM GONNA CRY

wait so season 4 is fukazawa focused? dammit i wanted more dazai

HI RANPO MY SCRUNGO HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

i fucking love ranpo. the silly

he’s such a brat. good for him

IS THERE A CULT????? LOWKEY LOOKS LIKE CHRISTIANITY ON STEROIDS

oh it’s the play

“there something everyone else gets and i don’t get it” RANPO MY AUTISTIC SCRUNGO <33

ranpo my silly <33

honestly i keep forgetting they’re detectives

ranpo has adhd and autism

ranpo got fucking bitch slapped i love him

“as always, i have a hard time saying no to ranpo” ITS BECAUSE YOURE GAY POE

“but i got to see your rare, exasperated face so it was well worth the money!” poe you homosexual

“are you that detective’s fanboy or something?” “no i’m his rival!” how about boyfriend?

i fucking love ranpo omg

NIKOLAI IS SO SILLY

why can i handle anime gore but not irl organs omg

my gore levels are weird. organs and bodily fluids (beside blood) are a no-go but i can see a dead body no problem

when did atsushi become op

“a total of 625 charges…” MY BABY GETTING ARRESTED NOOO

GOD I FUCKING LOVE NIKOLAI

wait so the ada is a front? wtf??

i’m so confused wtf is going on

the decay of angels would be a cool ass band name

ok so moot says ada is innocent and shit like that. i trust them.

teruko is my child

everyone’s a shitty person i love them

HI CHUUYA OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAA

why chuuya kinda 😳😳

kunikida has ocd (i’m not projecting wdymmm)

“i won’t let anyone mess up my schedule!” whole mood and a half there kunikida

WHY DOES THE FANDOM IGNORE KUNIKIDA BEING AN IDEALIST OMG

dazai <33333333333333333333

dazai and dostoyevsky are besties fuck you

“she’s so strong-willed! i love it!” MORI YOU PEDO

“Dazai is a good person SOMETIMES! But he’s also a criminal who has done fucked up shit! And he has a personality! He’s really smart! And lowkey manipulative to get what he wants! He’s not amazing!” my moot gets it!!

morally dubious characters <33

i love yosano so much

HI ANGO

i love lucy

sticking out your gyatt for the rizzlerrr you’re so skibidiiiiiiii you’re so fanum taxxxxxx i just wanna be your SIGMAAAAAAAAAAA

sigma is so silly. i love him

dazai is a weezer fan

chuuya is a nirvana fan

i’m terrible with names so i’m like “oh damn That Dude” both fictional and irl. like atsushi was Terrible Bang Traumatized Furry until i got his name

i don’t even read omegaverse but every time they say sigma i cringe

sigma has amnesia?? mood

bro’s a fictional character within a world of fictional characters

dostoyevsky <3333

sigma named himself??? nah don’t even he was born with an ao3 account

i don’t know shit about cosmetology but if i got ahold of sigma i would fix his hair

oh hey catholic scarlet letter man

if my beautician aunt saw atsushi and sigma she would take them out of the show, fix their hair, beat them up, and put them back as changed men

I LOVE DAZAI OMFG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHEN HIS VOICE GETS SUPER LOW AND AKENSISBIZHWHXHWBZUWBZIBQIXHWNXHD

WHERE THE HELL IS CHUUYA OMFG

#bsd #shitpost

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 10 months

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thank you for your time Jamie :3

hi i really appreciate these posts [1, 2] and your tags.

i’ve been stuck in baby bat limbo for about a decade now (oof) [born in the early 2000s introduced to alt subcultures in 2010, tried to be more authentically me as the years went on, took stock and solidified my values in 2013 [redacted hell world] and now we are here!]

i feel like the lack of community is why i can’t ‘grow up’ to bat kid. when i tried to find other like me— sorry dollskill hauling influencers i didn’t count you but i was looking for a more of a community feel versus social media mutuals

i was expose to a). ‘vampire elders’ who teach and recreate spaces for all the culture that us poor zoomers missed out on— but suspiciously only wants to take young girls under his wing, something about auras. [35+ y/o men who want a harem of succubi] or b). 28+ y/o men that have the whole ‘nu-metalhead’ thing going on [not as in ‘nu-metal’ (the genre) as in a specific wave of ‘alt guys’. long hair, tatted, mirror selfies, wants you to call him daddy, ghosts you when he realizes you’re not going to have sex with him on the first meet up]

and man, it is disheartening! i don’t have the funds to go concerts or festivals and a lot of them aren’t accessible, so i can’t meet anyone through there (plus people hardly talk to new people at those events nowadays— i say nowadays even though i wasn’t even there for those days lol). i’ve been invited to goth clubs by people who fall onto the vampire elder side of the spectrum… so possible but no likely because i don’t want be ‘thrown to the wolves’ so to speak and clubs are literally so inaccessible— the noise for one.

this whole summer i’ve debating if i should download bumble etc and say ‘hey i’m looking for alt FRIENDS’

i think the community aspect is so important to me because i am a lgbt disabled person of colour. i look at beautiful photography from the 70s to about the 90s (sprinkles of the 2000s). the photos are so diverse and feel real (so much trans people, dreamworld). and now the representation of the scene is pale e-girls (usually cisgender) decked out in killstar and dollskill with perfectly propped bedroom (a black skull there, coffin rug here product placement over there) etc

this not a question— though maybe there is a question hidden in this brain dump… your posts just turned a specific gear in my brain and i had to say something about it!

this can’t be the legacy of alt in the 2010s and 2020s what happened to the ‘rawring 20s’ (covid, capitalism). maybe i’ll be the change i want to see in the world…(thank you for allowing me to send this i appreciate your time a bunch, uhmmmm yeehaw!)

So you're probably not gonna like what I have to say simply because I don't like what I have to say here. I'll just start with the older guys. I find that there's a bit of a... How do I put this... Our community is made up of new blood that wants to be much older and more jaded than they are, and old blood who remembers being like that and is inclined to let them, which makes the scene a bit less dangerous for predators than it probably should be. Like I remember being in highschool and all my goth friends having fake IDs and lying about doing drugs and having older boyfriends, and I certainly don't begrudge any teenager that behavior because I've been there. Goth kids and young adults are very worried about breaking rules and being hard core, basically, and that is a known fact to opportunistic creeps. That being said other scenes also absolutely have problems with this sort of thing as well, I don't want to portray it as an alt scene exclusive thing partially because it's simply not true and partially because there are religious extremists and also just run of the mill conservative normies who absolutely have an interest in portraying our scene as exceptionally degenerate for whatever reason. I don't have a problem with age gaps either as long as everyone is legal and there's no other exploitation going on. If you want something like that having an older, better established squeeze when you're 19 can be as much of a status symbol as having a younger person who wants you when you're in your 30s is an ego boost imo. If you don't want something like that these guys are annoying. The guys who want a succubus harem are weird and gross tho ngl. Cult leader kink lookin ass.

Anyway now that that's out of the way onto the more difficult realities of the scene. By more difficult I mean entrenched problems that are more specific to our scene than the standard "disgusting individuals using the scene to try to ingratiate themselves to potential victims" that you find in literally any sufficiently large group of people.

Punk has never really been accessable. I don't like it, but it's true.

And by that I don't mean punk clothes or punk music has never really been accessable I mean punk events have never really been accessable. Punk originated in the 1970s in dinky little music clubs in major metropolitan areas. The original punks were mostly poor that's true but they were also the sort of people who were going to hang out at places like CBGB in NYC. Ever since then all of the culture basically happens in night clubs and concerts and the like. There was sort of a boom with the Emo movement on myspace when being alt got a little more accessible to people outside of major metro areas but we've never really left the night life behind. I would argue that this is also a problem that faces mainstream culture. Everything either costs money or is 21+ and everyone is drunk.

That being said, my experience has been really good so far. Everyone I meet at the club has been nice. I get asked for pronouns at the goth club more often than I get asked for pronouns at the gay club. The club I go to the people who work there and the regulars whom I've met with one exception all seem to be some flavor of queer. idk how old you are or what disabilities you have, but I will say the last time I went to Ground Zero (the goth club in Minneapolis) there was a group of people with blind canes there and the place is definitely wheel chair accessable. I also went to a Meet Me @ The Altar concert and there was ada seating right near the stage. If you're autistic my recommendation would be to get ear plugs. I'm autistic and went to When We We're Young in Vegas. I loved it. I moshed, I crowd surfed it was amazing. I saw my fav bands. I didn't get overstimulated once. And then I headed out and as I was leaving I took my earplugs out and put them in my pocket before I was fully clear of the venue and immediately the noise was overstimulating and I realized that my whole experience would have been completely sour if I hadn't had those babies in.

I also always see PoC every time I go out. I know thats just tangential experience and not all places are gonna be the same, but I'm getting the vibe that the reason the scene seems overwhelmingly white is because the guys with the cameras are a lil racist and only approach skinny white girls they want to fuck for modeling. I will say tho I see a few PoC every time I go to the club, and at WWWY the crowd was mixed but largely white. The crowd at the Meet Me @ The Altar concert (a pop-punk band which is made up of three WoC, here they are with two guitarists I don't recognize)

The crowd at their concert was by far the most mixed crowd I've seen at these sorts of events. So I guess what I'm saying is that I would guess based on what I've seen and what I've heard that there are a lot more PoC who want to go these things but only come out to events where they know they aren't gonna be the only one than who actually go to these things consistently. Which makes perfect sense, you probably don't need me to tell you that you're not the only person with those concerns, but what I can tell you is that there's enough of y'all that I feel comfortable saying the scene isnt all white and that the more people who come out the more people who are going to feel comfortable coming out.

Now the money thing. I would seriously recommend finding out where your local clubs are and who the local nobody bands are, because you're not getting into fall out boy and you're probably not getting into in this moment either. But there's always garage bands charging 5 bucks at the door for their first gigs, and that's the kind of concert where you meet people who are deep into the scene. I know Meet Me @ The Altar are touring right now. They've got a band called Kid Sister and a chick named Chloe Lilac opening for them. All three are pop-punk. And it cost me 25$ to get into their show. When I went to the show I discovered that the bar they were playing at has a whole room dedicated to shows like this and they have a lot of pop punk and punk bands that play there for not a lot. They serve food, you don't have to be an adult to get in. I assume that they're gonna be doing that sort of venue wherever they go so just check out where they're touring. If they've already passed you get on Google see what else you can find. I've met people who don't drink at the goth club but there's a 10 dollar door charge so it is what it is.

Personally I would not be afraid to do this stuff alone. Granted I'm white and able bodied, so your milage on going alone might vary. But I promise you once you get in the door the scene is not full of creeps. The creeps are just the ones seeking out the young girls who don't know where to start. There's people there who watched out for me with no benefit to themselves when I got out there the first time. And don't be afraid to talk to people. You make some acquaintances and hopefully you get invited to a house party or something and you become friends. I've mostly got one night stands so far but I've also shown up high off my ass a few times so I wasn't very conversational. There's people who want to be your friend. You just have to come out of the shell a little. And there might be some dicks. Fuck em. If they make fun of your vibe it's because they're insecure because the death hawk is their only personality trait.

TL;DR: unfortunately 90% of the goth scene is in bars and night clubs. But if you can get into one of those I promise it's not like being thrown to the wolves. My experience has been overwhelmingly positive. I won't pretend that the scene isn't largely white, but I'm also confident in saying you're probably not gonna be the only one there. And accomodations can totally be made for a lot of disabilities.

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albatris · 2 years

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character theme song tag? :D

thank you @calicojackofficial for the tag!! to pick some theme songs for my main characters! I love love love music tags and oc tags and oc music tags so this is right up my alley

I feel like @multi-lefaiye @nicola-writes @nerice @tracle0 @wherearetheplants might enjoy? music tag? yeehaw? as well as anyone else who'd like to join!!

anyway, I'm doing this for ATDAO and Rental Car because no one can stop me <3

ATDAO first!

Tris: "Sloom" by Of Monsters and Men

So make all your last demands, for I will forsake you And I'll meet your eyes for the very first time, for the very last So love me, mother, and love me, father And love my sister as well So love me, mother, and love me, father And love my brother as well

Noa: "Hold On When You Get Love And Let Go When You Give It" by Stars

Take the weakest thing in you And then beat the bastards with it And always hold on when you get love So you can let go when you give it

Kai: "Wander. Wonder." by the Arcadian Wild

I am always wondering what you see So I quietly conceal the dark inside of me Sins and scars you'll never recognise 'Cause I am the master of maintaining my disguise

Shara: "The Universe Is Going To Catch You" by The Antlers

Because we would call you at home and no one picked up the phone We were worried that you'd fallen in a river, or worse But then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters "THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU."

Marrick: "You Can Be Happy" by IAMX

You put me in a cage in the daily maze of flesh and rage But I will follow every truth I won't let you go I want every tomorrow

Jacob: "Boy" by Birds of Tokyo

I've a memory of a little boy Who you'd like to meet He could do anything I've been missing him Hope he's been missing me all these years

and Rental Car~

Nat: "Grenadine" by Dreadlight

I'll be the king of it, the queen of it The god of it, all of it Eat your heart after I lick it clean Tastes like blood and grenadine

Quinn: "Tongues & Teeth" by The Crane Wives

I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything And if you're fine with that You can be mine like that

Alex: "The Quittin' Kind" by Eleisha Eagle

There's a corner you painted yourself in I'm not sure, what was your intention? Now you're trapped alone on an island And you can't swim, no, you can't swim All the windows mocking your sad face As you dwell, disgruntled and at bay Take your paintbrush, create a doorway

Yvonne: "Karma" by AJR

I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly I've been so good, why am I feeling empty? I've been so good, I've been so good this year I've been so good, but it's still getting harder I've been so good, where the hell is the karma?

Zeke: "Absinthe" by IDKHOW

I don't believe whatever this is Until you burn all of the witches I won't believe whatever this is Whatever they give you, stop drinking it down I hear voices, I see visions These spirits are your prison

The Garble (Outermost Layers, aka "vampirism as a condition is an interconnected hivemind entity and its own sentience": "Inside of You, in Spite of You" by ThouShaltNot

I am the dawn of ages I am the days seen through I'm final entropy I am inside of you I am the clouds that cover Your way into the blue I kiss with life to give All this in spite of you

The Garble (Innermost Layers, aka "this is just some fucking asshole"): "Dead Moon" by Brick + Mortar

'Cause I pray to the dark of the moon It's making me shiver If you really wanna take me down You need to think bigger

The Ethels???: "Don't Worry, We'll Be Watching You" by Gotye (paranoia tw)

Hey, lost your way? Don't worry, just do as we say And we won't hurt you ... Do you need a reminder Of the love that we gave you? Don't worry You're walking away But we'll always be watching you

hehe. tunes :3

#almost almost almost put daylight by matt and kim for alex LMAO #~ and in the daylight we could hitchhike to maine ~ I hope that someday I'll see without these frames ~#I'm fine.#atdao #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears

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nukenai · 9 months

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Man horse people just really don't wanna admit that a huge amount of horse people are gross racist conservative shitheads that would be more than willing to call you slurs. I live in eastern fucking New York and every barn around here is run by yeehaw rednecks flying trump flags with confederate belt buckles you only see once you stop being distracted by their pink bedazzled cowboy hat. They'll happily tell you how well they treat their horse and how they love and respect everyone of course, support local farmers and shit, then when you turn around they start talking about the Fucking Queers or whatever. It's 99.999% white people, at my last barn there was ONE entire person of color and more than once I heard her - an adult woman - referred to as "THAT LITTLE BLACK GIRL" by other people.

English riding communities are also not exempt from this shit but they 100% think they are. There's just like Extra Classism thrown in most of the time.

I remember reading an article a few years back about a high school girl who did, I think jumping. And she wrote into her local equestrian magazine or something, about how she noticed the race disparity in Equestrian sports as a whole, and she got SO MUCH SHIT for it. People went insane and blacklisted her from shows and competitions, and she was viewed as a pariah for being a "shit-stirrer". Like holy shit, if your reactions are that horrific then this is DEFINITELY something we need to be talking about more!!!

And that girl lived nowhere near me so I can't just pretend this is a hyper-specific issue with my geographical area (I live right next to the capital city and even my small neighborhood is much more diverse than any horse thing I've ever been to, including barns I've boarded at, events I've been to, and fucking EQUINE AFFAIR).

Whenever I try to causally bring these issues up with anyone at my barn (ALL OF WHOM ARE WHITE) they stare at me like they've never heard of race ever being a concern ever in their life. And like, I AM ALSO WHITE, and it's completely bonkers to me that people can really be so fucking oblivious. But here we are.

And for comparison, there are maybe 2 people out of the 15+ boarders at my barn who could be considered "moderately wealthy".

#I'll try not to directly shit talk my current barn anywhere but here lol #bc I was told I'm welcome back so I'd like to attempt to hang onto that.#not that anyone important at the barn knows how to navigate the internet outside of fb anyways #barn manager is like 25 years old and just straight up refuses to ever spell my fucking horse's NAME RIGHT

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starwarspissorgy · 1 year

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The more I learn the more I realize Tumblr is the perfect Anarchist website. Not that it's chaotic, but that it fits a left-libertarian political agenda.

It has a weak but very transparent financial model, so you don't need to worry about online security or serving corporate interests

It is completely unmarketable to brands, which further erodes the capitalist stranglehold on all forms of expression on or offline

Di-de-di-da-di-de-do-do

Surprisingly, the lack of an algorithm for the feed actually makes the process of content distribution more democratic. While liking something on some capitalist hamster-shit of a website gets it in front of more eyes, there's both a level of obfuscation from the process which intentionally alienates us from our own collective power, and complicated ways to make your vote not equal to everyone else's.

(Yeehaw, haha!) Here we go!

On the other hand, reblogging on a chronological timeline creates a random lottery style of democracy, where one reblog actually means one chance of all your followers seeing something. The more people you follow who

Speaking of alienation, the follow system also erodes hierarchies like the website's ability to control what you see and the accelerating growth of larger accounts causing them to completely overpower smaller ones, which results in so much more control over your own situation. It's basically the online version of the right to self-determination.

The only complication of this fact is the sponsored posts, but even then it's just a small complication. The model gave users a lot of power to maintain control, and through this unspoken collective action inherent to Tumblr culture we just used that power. Like, by blazing stupid funny bullshit about small fuzzy pets or whatever nonsense we kept everyone's Tumblr feeds feeling essentially the same, and even attempts to bring the platform in line with capitalism thereby failed.

Di-de-di-da-di-de-do-do

Di-ba-di-de-do

Di-de-de-di-de-de-de-do-do-day-bi-di-do

Di-de-di-da-di-de-do-do

Di-ba-di-de-do

Di-de-de-di-de-de-de-do-do-day-bi-di-do

That's all there is to it!

Now, the most complicated but most fascinating part of this is the complicated history both Tumblr and Anarchism have with sex work,

Di-de-di-da-di-de-do-do Di-ba-di-de-do Di-de-de-di-de-de-de-do-do-day-bi-di-do Di-de-di-da-di-de-do-do Di-ba-di-de-do Di-de-de-di-de-de-de-do-do-day-bi-di-do

[Outro] Hahahaha...

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arsonforcharlie · 2 years

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Hello I'm here to weigh in on the amalgamate the states idea. What if we amalgamated them into one state, one large state with a decentralized government, that held elections based on popular vote rather than an electoral college outdated racist demographic information, and which updated its core tenets every 20 years to reflect the change in generation. And also had term limits on people in office such as to be no longer than 2 five year terms?

I mean it's just a thought and it would still be far from perfect.

But I live here and I don't know it just feels....better.

But also like, I do want the list of the ten amalgamated states you made.

okay so fair warning i'm canadian and also a bit stoned atm so you need to promise to not make fun of me for not knowing shit about your states, their names, your history, or my fashion sense. but here's my proposition to fix things as someone with no political power who doesn't live in your country. (to determine which old state capital becomes the new state capital, i propose a gladiator fight to the death and every old state sends their strongest warriors. that's open to negotiation tho.)

Minimichiowisconsindillinois- tbh i made this one just to piss off my ex since he said everyone living there would hate that idea. eat it, beard. this is a nice little centre state. it feels like a satisfying size. i originally devised it to be just states that were touching the great lakes but that IA one there really squares it out nicely.

East Topland- tbh i don't know too much about these states. it seems cohesive, though, and i think new york on the land has a lot of forest so if The OG Crew wants to start shit they'll have a buffer.

The OG Crew- i know these are not the only states that were like the starter states. east topland got some of those, i think. but these are the states that feel, to me, like they're the first states that started this whole deal out in the first place. if you would like to edit your history books to say i'm right, that would be a decent thank you for sorting this whole mess out for you

The Nothing States- these are the states i generally don't know a lot of stuff about. i think they're yeehaw states in some parts. but i have friends in at least two of them i think so i don't want to make up stereotypes because they will call me out because they don't care how stoned and canadian i am. rude. adding montana there on the end is a bit aesthetically displeasing but we need to keep the etsy sellers who sell prints of the shape of your state with a heart cutout in business so this leaves some tempting options.

New Oklouissippansexas- i am also keeping spelling bee judges in business. this also feels like a cohesive chunk. like i assume they vibe. plus when they have pride people can make t-shirts saying "New Oklouissippansexual" and that's gotta be a job creator.

The Midmidst- a very cool name for the middle of the country that i mostly drew because a purple stripe up the middle is nice. colorado gets included because we're not getting a straight line anyway so might as well give them, like, something

The Midwest 2- because it always bugs me that the midwest is so far east so it's fixed in this patch update. these places have a lot of empty space of various varieties, i think, and i feel it's important to have that all grouped together in one convenient state

Flo Rida- the same state but we do specifically rename it to honour flo rida and legally it has to be pink on every new map. this is self-explanatory

WETBOIZZZZZZ- for some reason when i originally did this calculation i thought it would be funny to name all the west coast states WETBOIZZZZZZZ. i still do tbh that owns. i think the west coast states all have a chill vibe, so i feel like they could probably be a state with a very strong identity before we meld all the people. WETBOIZZZZZZZ is obviously a party state but, like, a relaxing party, and i think it rules

Not Part Of The US Any More- hawaii can do whatever it likes- it can be part of whatever state it wants, or it can just leave america altogether because of, you know, everything. we're taking alaska since that just makes natural sense. again, no further questions needed

so there you go, 10 states (well, 9 states and one amerexit) that i could grow to respect

#you're welcome for solving america

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colorisbyshe · 4 years

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Just saying thank you for that post about the SAM. sometimes people act like ace-prioritizing LGBT politics/organizing are mere twitter ID politics, but they're definitely not confined to the internet, at least in my academic or community safe spaces, and sometimes I wonder if the process that has made asexuals out to be the LGBT community's most vulnerable and persecuted demographic can be reversed, or if this is what our mainstream activism will look like from now on. Sorry to be a bummer.

Unfortunately, a lot of liberalized/academic settings cling to THE WORST politics. I minored in Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies in college and in one of the intro courses, we had an entire section normalizing BDSM. Another one where we learned about the charmed circle which basically said rape and pedophilia can be considered ~queer. I had a gender studies prof who literally misgendered Chelsea Manning by refering to her as a “him” whenever she was talking about the past becaues “he wasn’t a girl yet” and she had to be corrected by a nonbinary student :|

I’d say for the last ten or so years, the LGBT community (at large, not in total) has dropped the farce of radical politics. Inclusive policy gets the most attention and admiration from cishets and that’s all they seem to want now. The same reason Taylor Swift and Barak War CRimes Obama were chosen to speak at a Stonewall Event.

It’s the same reason why publications that don’t even claim to be by and for LGBT people use the word “queer” to describe the community and why when celebrities choose “LGBT Charities” to support it’s... fucking GLAAD or MAYBE HRC.

So, now there’s the LGBT community as in the people--which can have a range of politics from the dumbest fucking liberal, love your oppressor shit you’ve ever heard to truly radical stuff (not talking abotu radical feminism but radical as in opposed to liberal, fuck TERFs)--but then there’s LGBT Community as an Official Groups and that’s pretty much ALL the dumbest fucking liberal, love your oppressor shit you’ve ever heard because they don’t want to loose cishet donors. Inclusivity of aces, of aros, of kinksters, of polyamroous people, of girls with short pixie cuts and boys in pink sells better than “the mean old LGBTs don’t want to be called slurs or even see cishets near them.” Inclusivity and capitalism go hand in hand! Yeehaw!

I’m over it tbh.

BTW, I used to GORGE myself on LGBT nonfiction when I was in high school (2007-011), literally read whatever I could get my hands on, and it wasn’t... like this. It wasn’t perfect by a fucking MILE but it wasn’t bent on pandering to cishets at every turn. I don’t know what hcanged but something horrible went down and it genuinely saddens me.

#Anonymous

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an-emerald-bay · 4 years

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8/11/2020

dear ellie,

happy late birthday to me.

well, to brianna.

i’ve been thinking about you. and by that i mean i cried a lot today.

so here’s to writing another letter that, once again, i will never send. if you had the material of those last ones i’d probably die, what with you idolizing becki and all.

what the fuck was up with that, by the way?

for fuck’s sake, she’s one of the reasons i can’t trust adults anymore! jesus christ, she tore me away from the last bit of stability i had, all because - all because of something i don’t fucking understand!

what was it, ellie? do you know why she separated me from you and adrianna and india and everyone else? do you know why you got special privileges and i got jack-shit? i don’t get it! i’ll never understand until someone tells me!

did she know i was gay, somehow? did she know i was a psychotic little shit? did she think i was too yeehaw, i was too loud, too pushy, too much? did she just hate my mom, or did that come later? was she jealous that people called me the smart kid and not her daughter, that i got called the godly worship kid and her daughter wasn’t? because fuck, i didn’t want those titles! she got what she wanted! my academics nearly cost me my life and i now barely feel a connection to God compared to how i used to. you know what i perform on guitar, you know what i belt to the “crowds”? not mercy me and lauren daigle, that’s for sure!

why did the rules bend for everyone but me? we went to marsha and she did nothing. we went to pastor and he did nothing. why did neither of you stand up for me, why was india the only one who cared? why did she get targeted for that? i don’t get it and it hurts. i want to understand.

but that’s not relevant, i guess. i’m here about the letters. i suppose they do help me understand, at least a little bit.

some things have changed, a lot. i think those letters mark the point where i became florence instead of brianna. it’s funny, because florence wouldn’t befriend the Now Ellie, but brianna absolutely adored the Old Ellie. i miss both of them. and i love both of you.

hey, i thought you’d judge me for fanfics or whatever, but i guess i’m not sure. i’ve convinced india to write fics about her favorite book series she read. she said she couldn’t convince you guys to read it, so she’s given the book to me and left the other ones on her bed for when i’m ready. i’m excited. she stopped by today, since she’s moving away for five months. i’ve lost the one thin, wavering connection i had to you guys. maybe my birthday party will change that.

i’ve lost my batman obsession, thank god. i still like the characters, but i respect my own interests a lot more now, i guess. by that i mean i don’t cringe at myself right now.

i pointed out stupid spelling mistakes and grammar shit on that one video, which has changed! i now cannot read or spell, so like! kin! hell yeah! lmao. but i know i corrected you guys a lot growing up, and i know it was really hard on you. i never meant to be a bitch, i was just trying to help, but i have the feeling that pushiness is one of the reasons you guys don’t .... seem to love me anymore. i wish you had given me a chance to let go of those things, not that you’d befriend florence anyway. but a lot of that stuff was really, genuinely my fault and i’m willing to admit it.

speaking of grammar and shit, there’s another change! who needs capital letters?

....and another. i miss lifepacs, that shit was bliss compared to high school assignments. please just hand me a shitty paperback that falls apart and call it a day, for the love of all that is holy.

mom’s getting better about my health, probably because i’m getting better about my health. but she’s still being so so hard on herself. i want to help but she doesnt know how to listen. very stubborn lady, doesn’t like my words most of the time.

i never finished gotham. and i don’t remember what you photoshopped of ethan. now im gonna die wondering i guess.

the show is dead and gone too!!! how about that!!!! no more seven-year-old childhood dreams there, i have other friends to fill a different kind of role these days. i still wish you could be a part of it, though. you know you still matter to me, right? your place in my life is still there, ready to be filled again?

i’ve realized fictional crushes aren’t bad. so that’s neat. i guess. except now we call it yearning.

i think the funniest change is where i was like “stick around, and you still won’t find out” about one of my secrets, though. because now, everyone knows. fuck it, gamers, i’m gay! and 2017 was also the year i started to suspect i was trans. look at me now! i’m nonbinary! you probably don’t know what the FUCK that means!!!!!

as for things that have stayed the same..... well.

i was surprised by my own ancient use of =) faces to convey sarcasm and cursedness. now i’m more of a :) kind of gal. got it from a friend,,,, or more like a handful of friends.

i still suspect i have depression. either that, or another facet of my other illnesses is showing 🤩 bc i have not picked up my laundry in about a month. holy fuck.

my insensitivity also stuck around! and so did the obsessive-creep-with-a-fear-of-abandonment thing! how wonderful! 2017 was my fucking YEAR for obsessive fear of abandonment. iconic, i was incredibly lonely! i had no connection left to the people i cared most about - yes, that’s you guys! things were just bad, and when they got rid of dinners together i was completely broken. i just wanted to be happy and spend time with you all again, and annoy your little siblings, but instead i lost my last scrap of social skills and got reduced to the title of nuisance-y little kid.

i think it was concerning how much i thought you wouldn’t care about my interests, and more concerning that i was probably right about it.

i still have nightmares. a lot less of that tone, but still certainly some. mom thinks 2018 was my worst year but im starting to think it was definitely 2017. can we go back and fix it, you and i?

my parents don’t seem to think my friends are secretly pedos undercover anymore, but im absolutely fucking CACKLING over my mention of mom finding my quotev account if i forgot to log out. that’s! exactly! what happened! fuckkkKK!

and oh boy oh boy, i certainly do have no idea how human beings function. that’s stayed the same.

and here’s another compelling passage: “I had a dream last night in which people were blaming things on me that I didn’t remember happening and I wasn’t in full control of my body and I was hallucinating and I was going insane I’m worried that dream will manifest in me. Heh.” this did end up manifesting! except i did use the word “insane” far too much when i was younger. i think that one of the most important things in growing up for me was learning that my experiences are not my own, and there are other people who go through similar things, and that there was a reasonable explanation for this stuff. well, a reasonable explanation for my end of it.

lastly for similarities, i think its... interesting how much i buried myself in fiction and how much i bury myself in it now. back then, it was consumption alone, my friends didn’t talk about the shows with me or read my fics or anything. it was just me! and while i had lots of online friends, i used fiction as escapism to fill in the lonely gaps of local friends. now, i share my ideas and stories with others who share theirs with me, and we can really create something beautiful out of it. i have more irl friends who care, and still have lots of internet friends. but me yeeting myself into fiction is less to fill the void and more to just... remove the stress.

anyway. i’m done dissecting the letters. time to dissect you :)!

im worried about you.

i heard about what happened with your living situation.

why did you leave your dad?

paul was the good parent. how the fuck do you excuse choosing jennifer and her creepy-ass husband over him? i’m just baffled! when we were younger you talked constantly about how your mom didn’t really show her love and how you wish you had a better mom. james even called her a monster. she had an affair and stole tons of money and was a shitty mother! i really don’t get it! i don’t get anything that’s happening anymore.

im getting tired of writing. i think my emotions are chilling. so i guess i won’t talk about adrianna or the million other painful things yet.

but i miss you.

and i’d be so very happy if you came back for me, just this once?

i love you.

ps: here’s a cookie. 🍪

#words #the new kind #11 #brianna #florence #paris' daughter

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burricane · 6 years

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Spooky Musicals For The Kiddos

Some have warnings because no one deserves a trauma spook during Hallow-Month

Repo: This is.....oh man. You know how sometimes you find something and you’re like this is terrible, I love it??? That’s Repo. VERY GORY WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK. It’s like a Italian opera but it’s gory as all hell and also there’s organ theft uh oh

The Devil’s Carnival: Imagine The Greatest Showman but they’re all in hell and Satan really likes fairytales. That’s this musical. Lots of bussy bops in this one I’m not gonna lie. The same people that made Repo made this one what do you expect. Listen to the sequel as well that ones really good too

Phantom Of The Paradise: Retelling of The Phantom Of The Opera, but this version is set in the 70s and the phantom really likes black lipstick. Rock and roll and also murder yeehaw

35 MM: A musical that’s literally based off of a bunch of different photos. Has a psychopathic high school bussy bop, a song about fucking vampires, Lindsay Mendez, it’s really just the whole package. WARNING: MENTIONS RAPE AND DOMESTIC ABUSE IN LEAVE LUANNE

Otherbody: This is literally my favourite musical of all time. It’s a retelling of The Outsider by HP Lovecraft but it’s a metaphor about racism and homophobia in modern day America which must make that horrible author’s ghost very unhappy it’s great

Jasper In Deadland: Local boy journeys to the underworld to save crush, doesn’t realize that he’s a massive idiot and is chugging idiot juice in the underworld with a bunch of ghosts when his crush is riGHT THERE SHE’S RIGHT THERE DAMMIT JASPER

Ghost Quartet: A really complicated musical about murder, ressurection, forgiveness, and love. It’s by Dave Malloy (NPATCO1812) and if you are looking to ease in gently into the sp00ky musical genre then I would suggest this one

Lizzie: An all-female rock retelling of The Lizzie Borden murders. Gay and very good. WARNING: MENTIONS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE THROUGHOUT MUSICAL

Love Never Dies: It’s a sequel to The Phantom Of The Opera musical but you don’t have to like the first one in order to enjoy the second. Set ten years after its predecessor, this musical talks about love, murder, and what to do when you really are the baby daddy. Side note: Domestic abuse is subtly referenced in many parts of the musical but not all of it

The Addams Family: How could I make a scary musical list without mentioning The Addams Family? It’s not spooky, but we love it none the less

Into The Woods: Fairytales but dark as hell. First act is super happy but by the second you are literally sobbing your eyes out. You’ll never get Your Fault out of your head sorry. It mentions rape in some scenes but doesn’t go really full head on into it

Rocky Horror Picture Show: If you love musicals but haven’t seen this movie or heard its songs then I feel very bad for you. Sexy, gender explorative, and boptacular this musical is a gift to humanity. But whatever you do DON’T watch the live version from two years ago because it will take ten years off of your life it’s that bad

Carrie: A good musical about why bullying is bad. Has Christy Altmore and Derek Klena in it and they sing a love song it’s super cute. WARNING: HAS BULLYING AND CHILD ABUSE IN IT

Hadestown: A retelling of the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice but it takes place during the Great Depression and is big ass commentary about capitalism. I didn’t think that I could be any gayer for Amber Gray but I was wrong

#broadway #musicals #burricane #musical theatre #repo: the genetic opera #alleluia the devil’s carnival #the devil’s carnival #phantom of the paradise #35 mm musical #otherbody musical #jasper in deadland #ghost quartet #lizzie musical #love never dies #the addams family #into the woods #rocky horror picture show #carrie musical

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paceunknown · 6 years

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tag game !

Rules: 15 questions, 15 mutuals

tagged by @vintageholland ♥️♥️

1. Are you named after anyone?

first name my mom’s aunt, middle name my dad’s sister

2. When is the last time you cried?

i watched “to the bone” on netflix the other day and cried several times during it. very good movie, but it deals w eating disorders so be wary if you’re sensitive to that!

3. Do you have kids?

nope! and don’t want any

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i tend to, yes

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

this is so extra and probably unbelievable but whatever vibe they give off. before clothes, before smile, before hair, before anything else I notice the kind of person they more than likely are

6. What’s your eye colour?

brown~

7. Scary movies or Happy Endings?

happy endings!!

8. Any special talents?

🤔 i don’t believe so. i’m a v empathetic person but i wouldn’t consider it a talent

9. Where were you born?

the capital of yeehaw aka texas

10. What are your hobbies?

reading, watching video essays on pop culture, diy/home improvement projects that always end up poorly, skincare, also watching let’s plays

11. Have you any pets?

nope! used to want a dog and on some level i still do but i’m just not about anything that requires extra responsibility from me rn

12. What sports do you play/have played?

lmao

13. How tall are you?

5′3”

14. Favourite subject in school?

hmmmmm i think right now i’m really enjoying all my classes where i learn how to create things using adobe programs, like photoshop, XD, illustrator, and in design

15. Dream job?

something where i can use my voice to simultaneously make people happy and help them. still trying to figure out exactly what avenue that may be for me

supposed to tag 15 people but i can only think of @stubbornghosts since she always tags me uhhhh anyone else ! feel free !

#personality #long post

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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Since I blew my Blakean-Mozartean lightness and sweetness cover and revealed myself not to be an ‘ex sad young literary man’ who evolved from gay guy plaid shirt fashion to respected limited manliness I want to say something about Stalin’s intelligence chief Beria who after the holy(?) sacrifices of the Great Patriotic War took to cruising the streets in search of a new teen girl to rape every night then in the morning would offer her flowers. If she accepted it was taken to be consensual and if not she was murdered and buried in the garden. Eventually during the Kruschev(?) era Beria was hauled before the Politburo(?) and said, ‘Why are you picking flies / fleas from my garment?’ It might’ve been Zhukov himself who arrested Beria and as he was about to be executed, like Indian bus-ride-gang-rapists, just couldn’t believe that it was game over, that your laurel are not going to cover that, communist Heroes of the Soviet Union don’t have an infinite expense-account for the human grocery store and all this time he really wasn’t thinking about death, the Second Death (that I can tell). Their parents (the girls’) must’ve not said anything but made ‘A Gay and Melancholy Sound’ or like sth out of ‘Sansho Dayu’ (’Sansho the Bailiff’). Yeonmi Park again is Enemy of the People for wanting to live, for remembering her father who was a great guy young and old who got cut down by whatever happened to or with KIS that I can tell, Jordan Peterson is like, ‘Behold the voice of 4chan crying in the wilderness’ but it’s still ‘as clear as the sky is blue’ I used to say that 4chan is probably a giant INTERPOL / Future Eastern Roman Empire trap / killzone for pedophiles and murder-hearted moral monsters seeking intellectual figleafs for their total depravity. Like in ‘Dirty Dozen’ when the Nazi party people are all trapped in the basement, douse with petrol, grenades insert through culverts. The only board I ever lingered on was obviously KPG since I felt it was a potential culture of life and love but in retrospect I felt they’re actually gang-rapist parodists as well, rabbit-hunters, their only redeeming virtue their innocence, that they’re young, that they never went to Pocheon, Uijeongbu, Dongducheon, never heard ‘Sheep May Safely Graze’ in their heads of had songs no one taught them a la ‘The Illiterate’ how to write on pianoforte. I used to like forgiveness a lot but I’m not against retributive justice b/c it represents value or an ‘overarching culture of life+’ including capital punishment IMO. You affirm one person’s value by mirroring the loss of that value in revoking another’s value whether it’s eliminating the chance for them to actualize their potential or obliterating or marring their physical being as an Image of God.

I became really extreme thinking about auto’s-da-fe, torture, punitive servitude which is still Constitutional in America though I felt that Arpaio and friends had been emptying it in part as a ‘schtick’ rather than mindfully or conscientiously. I Moon Jaein wanted to burn me with a brand amputate me etc. I would trust him to do it but in the American Midwest or so it is like ‘yeehaw.’ These super-predator b/Black men - it is important to hurt people, a lot; ATST anyone can be taught to say the right things + Cosby was a serial rapist no matter what he might’ve said although that’s terrible and tragic to say as well b/c Democrat(?) CCP assclown assassins like John Oliver will just use it to discredit everything. Like cancel Cosby’s concern, cancel his love for his murdered son (’my hero’), b/c he lost his moral compass, was coping instead of authentically or IDK never met Cosby.

Ricky Gervais the exponent of Kim Jongilist murder revenge porn / agitation-propagand for a Maoist doctrine of ‘massive retaliation’ against the weaknesses ‘ of the wealthy creative elite etc & Parasite’ was saying how after WW2 ′Adolf’ ceased to be a baby name, now what, outside ROK, JBP, Grace to You,’ personal responsibility is becoming infinitely assassinatable as well. Historical dialectical materialism / Marxism / hyperMarxism(?), ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ TS, DT Suzuki or so telling Japanese soldiers they’re not even pulling the trigger. No one ever really did anything, it never happened, unreality, as Min Jin Lee might’ve said it’s absurd to impute humanity to Koreans or reality and authenticity to the central concern of the moment which is like this massive convergence of times, places, and new and old beliefs, in or during which the Prince f Darkness, the Father of Lies, is being allowed to attack a lot of people and many are getting super-smart super-fast and as GG might say in 2013 ABC and XYZ are colliding all the time. Yet, still, at a time when people might hold more in common or be more generous and gracious ev1′s becoming super-clannish; I see men at the ATM with thousands in cash but then too what good will cash be in a few days? ‘We all know money burns.’ I remember some stupid Korea hyper-self-fanfic that was like, ‘I used to believe in giving kids a fair life-chance but after getting “promoted to Colonel” in edubusiness I was just all about money, women, and weapons.’

S1 once said of Tom Clancy that he got super-rich and might’ve to started to lose touch long after ‘Red Storm Rising,’ which helped win Cold War One, with the moral factors etc. that actually determine success in war.

But IDK what is automatically absolutely going to happen. If I had a rooftop I might well watch on it tonight. I felt concern for many of these people and rem. talking about ‘the inflictions of the voice of pedagogical authority’ walking w/ someone who had stayed friends with her HS teacher in ‘Rhetoric of Argumentation’ where the prof was telling us to keep commonplace books which I thought was good, then teach said I‘m sorry I didn’t get to know you, but nowadays knowledge appears to have transmogrified into a completely insincere category, a fake value, ground of fake intimacy, for fake friendships. Where are those girls now? I was literally walking to the bridge one night to jump of so s1 else can have my organs and felt this ‘flashlight of c/Charity toward’ some blonde girls at UWM like whos gonna cover them but now they’re all sophisticated and cagey(?) and I have no idea what is meant anymore, feel no gentleness, just relentlessness, game-playing, hey wall want information, they’re writing books of future history + burying the living alive. I wish almost for the first I were less special and more general tho maybe I am just nobody. I wanted to simplify and make one last valiant or else stubborn attempt at creative writings like Taeyeon’s ‘You Love Me’ where she is not really plotting s1′s future downfall / burying the Confucian gentlemen alive by the trillions under future MaoMao Qin Shihuang imperial government. Words like ‘bypass’ and ‘oxygenation’ are starting to mean everything and I wanted to add ‘metabolism’ since it can help with immune-systems and it talks about the ‘interpenetration’ of people’s bodies, the environment, the air, health. I also wanted to talk more about specific details from my past but as everyone is reading everyone that I can tell + tho I had progressed in writing I feel as if it’s just adding more retardant or I’m delaying personal decision-making... Does no one want me or just a few people want me

I wished to go to the place where the best thing ever to happen to me happened which is this bench I sat on after working all night but Liyoung Lee’s ‘A Final Word’ already said more or less that and it was someone else’s future, someone else’s man-wife-child ‘trinity of happiness.’ At Whole Fods I went ‘Selflessness’ but ppl are actually hunting for Shakesperean-Johnsonian ‘Other Selves’ and those that have something. ‘The One Fair Thing’ with this Sana picture that didn’t look like her in that one picture, something about epee(?)-fencing, a McMansion in Livingston NJ that my parents spat on but I thought, ‘It’s a reasonable place to live; it’s new; it’s sober; there are baby black bears in the NJ forests and they’re gentle animals that can help us slow down life and arguably know when to be sort of cold-hearted.’ Evth got kind of sideways-moving and I was thinking, ‘After this, then...’ I believed that it would be a great idea just now to un-adopt my old concerns as people really do appear to be becoming more defended and ‘patronized’ but that too is just conjecture; or do I know what the President’s capabilities are w/r/t holding everyone together as opposed to saying the right things about binding up. During the military dictatorship in the ROK the KCIA were torturing all these people all the time, young students, and it might’ve had to happen but when everyone is their putative brother’s keeper and loving neighbors is conflated with omni-pedagogy and ‘Lives of Others’-esque omni-surveillance things and lives can get pulverized as well as rebuilt - therefore what am I missing?

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alberteamllc · 7 years

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Fancy That!

So there I was, your ever-humble narrator, enjoying a pint of something kind of fancy and minding my own business in one of the most chi-chi establishments on the Smallfellow main drag when who should blunder in one but one of those schmucks from the palace where I used to run that hobo operation. Of course he wasn’t in his dopey palace livery, he had on rags practically, which, like, was pretty racist-- this is a nice bar, wine and tapas and everything, look around you buddy, everybody in here but you is a halfling and nobody here has spent less than five silver pieces on their shoes alone, what, do you think all halflings walk around barefoot and eat ten breakfasts a day and live in pastoral squalor? Get real and try educating yourself for a change.

Anyhoo, he ambles up like he’s being sneaky and slips me this envelope. I guess after Prince Whoever had his big temper tantrum last time I went to collect what he owed me (it was embarrassing for him, but even more embarrassing for Ewer-- that moron got his adam’s apple turned to apple sauce that night!) they decided to try the “subtle” approach. Still pathetic. Strictly amateur hour. So I look him in the eye and loudly say “SORRY BUDDY I’M BY ENGAGEMENT ONLY THESE DAYS. IF YOU WANT THE FRANCIS FLIEG EXPERIMENT (my new nom du stage--like it?) I’VE GOT A SET AT THE BELL & WHISTLE FROM SEVEN TO NINE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. NO ENCORES” but then just for the sake of appearances I take a little peak inside this envelope and holy st. merriwether dear reader did I like what I saw! Never let it be said I’m too stubborn to be receptive to a sudden change of heart. So I treat the bar to a round of the second cheapest champagne the place has and say hey look I’ve got this dry sense of humor sometimes, I really think we can work out a way to do business.

So I decide to indulge in some of that old-school Francis Flisk chicanery and dine and dash just to see what this stuffed shirt does about it. Squat. Good sign-- because I feel like his boss needs me for something illegal, and in most cases dirty money’s easier to get than clean money. Anyway we wind up at this apartment not far away, right on the edge of that human neighborhood, I forget the name, where all the hip young second sons and first daughters who can’t hack it in the dynasty game go to drink expensive coffee and become priests and priestesses of that tacky fucking bank. It’s one of those digs that you know the cops or the government keeps decorated in the most blandly tasteful and lifeless way possible to use for stake-outs and deniability stuff like this.

It turns out this job is my worst nightmare. It’s extremely hard work and barely illegal. Out of the shadows steps this cop. I know the guy. He’s crooked as the road to Schockonote, pardon a folksy halfling saying, the human audiences eat that shit up and it’s become a force of habit. Caowulf Cutty. A real bastard but he’d looked the other way for me plenty of times during my days with the Handsome Lads in exchange for modest kickbacks. But now-- what the hell?-- he’s acting like he’s never met me before and he’s got me pinned to the wall with his elbow at my throat and my feet dangling in the air, calling me criminal scum and this and that. Ok, sure, like he can talk. They make like they’ve got me in some kind of sting-- like, they caught me running tundra tar or something and if I don’t do what they say I’ll blah blah blah but I’m all like, yeah? Prove it. I’m clean, pigs (I’m not). After a while we work out a deal. I’ll keep 10% of the money in that envelope and they’ll stop hassling me about this alleged tundra tar business I did/didn’t do.

It’s like this-- once in awhile when I’m really hard up I’ll do a job for this guy Salomon Six-Fingers. He has a little tavern by the docks, slings this truly appalling sodfish stew but he’s a nice guy, honest, and somehow he’s managed to make a little name for himself running jobs under the nose of the Quiet Guild without getting killed despite being nice and honest. Mostly stuff the Guild couldn’t care about or fail to make overcomplicated because of course. And people work for him because obviously the guild doesn’t get a cut.. Or because they get off on pretending to have morals or professional ethics or whatever. Anyway one of the big things people go to him for is salvage jobs. Old ruins. Humans are too stupid to go into them because they think their precious mediators will pop out and say BOO at them and they’ll piss their britches so it’s good work for us halflings if we can get it.

All this time the dipshit from the palace hasn’t said who he’s working for. Like I don’t know. It rhymes with Rinse Cranselm Brinsatsi. But what they want me to do is they’re gonna leak Six-Fingers word of a ripe little abandoned mine called Sweetroll Hill and say the only thing keeping people out of that sweet ore is the fact that the place is overrun with the infamous Handsome Lads. Ok, yeah, “infamous,” big scary halflings running around with sticks and empty quivers. But I’ll get to that in a second. A little team is assembled-- including yours truly as the thief and the guy who knows the gang, knows the mine (which, I do and do, but again-- presumptuous and racist)-- and then we go and clear it out. But here’s the tricky part. All the way there I’m making little signals, leaving a little trail, and behind me, the fuzz. And on our way out, the triumphant heroes are caught red-handed with armfuls of stolen loot and a pile of dead halflings in their wake. I get off scot-free, the suckers who know about the place are in jail where they can’t blab about the location, and the “mysterious employer” gets to swoop in and take whatever he wants down there. Which sounds like a lot of work but again they wouldn’t drop this tundra tar thing. Oh well. The mine isn’t far and it’s run by a bunch of D-listers. Big-Stud Broly, who’s no Huge Hunk Haglund to say the least, and a snot-nosed little wannabe called Leander Hawthorne. If you want to know how vast and capacious the barrel they’re scraping the bottom of is, they’ve even got a goblin in their crew. I also get to help pick the team.

So obviously I’m presented with a moral quandary. I’m picking people for what’s essentially a suicide run. This is the end of the line for them one way or the other-- if they don’t die on the job (not impossible) or when the cops get rough with them (not unlikely), then they’re headed to prison for a long time. So I think and I think loooong about who I hate enough in this business to make this whole thing really hysterical and satisfying instead of just pretty hysterical and satisfying. I come up with a wish-list:

1. Davey Driftwood: This schmuck shot me with a crossbow once when he was guarding a caravan that me and the boys were trying to get our meat mitts on. He definitely doesn’t remember this but I know he kind of remembers my face because he always gives me this little nod and smile when we’re both at Salomon’s or that little place that gnome runs by the bazaar with the good bread. Couldn’t wait to wipe that goody two-shoes smirk off his face. He’s also some local celebrity upriver in the boonies because he knocked off some nobody bandit a few years ago. Occasionally some hick recognizes him at the bar and buys him one of those watery pee beers trash humans drink. I hate humble guys like that who don’t capitalize on a good thing. And I especially hate people who get famous for doing the cops’ jobs for them and then have the nerve to act like we can still be pals. DEFINITELY on the list.

2. Bloody Bonnie: B l o o d y F u c k i n B o n n i e. Ever meet someone who thinks they’re funny? That’s Bonnie. Some land pirate. Dumb term and anyway gnomes invented it. Yeah yeah, gnomes and halflings, different species, and I’d rather cut my own head off than kiss a gnome, but we little guys have to stick together and I hate it when humans bite our rackets. Speaking of which, right, she thinks she’s so funny. I’ve heard all the halfling jokes before and I’ve heard them all again another three dozen times from her. Wouldn’t kick her out of bed though. Had a brief idea about tipping her off before the bust and seeing how puny she thought I was after that.

3. Paolo the Exile: First off, what a joke. Who calls themselves “the Anything.” Can’t stand that bit. Second of all, I hate dwarves. I’ve only met the one but I hate stories about dwarves and I hate Paolo. Too quiet and I don’t like anybody who won’t show their face.

4. Roxan McClintock: People call her “Flinty” but she’s a Roxan through and through. You know these guys, these McClintocks? No, that’s McBEAM idiot, I mean the McCLINTOCKS. But don’t get me started on fucking McBeam. RIght, so-- I was born poor. My dad-- Moldew-- and my ma-- Instke-- they were both poor too. They grew up in tall grass over their heads and they worked until they died from it, because they were stupid. I’m smart. I knew I had to do whatever it took to have a roof over my head, with a chandelier on it, and a bed with eight pillows on it and a girl on each. And look, I’m young, and two out of four ain’t bad! The roof doesn’t leak and the pillows ain’t too shabby themselves! But yeah-- that’s why I degrade myself with these fucking jobs. Because I need to. That’s why I crawl through the dirt and show stupid tourist humans how to get through the swamps. For the money that I DON’T. HAVE. Roxan does all this shit because she “wants to.” Because “she ain’t no high class broad.” Yeah, stick a paintbrush down my throat already. She’s all “hey y’all” and “yeehaw” but Roooooooxaaaaaaaannnn is pure Smallfellow, get it? Her dad’s a university professor, her ugly brothers are university professors, they eat caviar and pear jelly with rich humans all day and wipe their asses with silk hankies. She should know her place and marry some rich tailor and cook fiddlehead fry every night and have a million dumbshit babies who marry rich tailors and so on and so on until they fucking choke on their gold pieces and die. If she wants to bark with the big dogs so much she can go bark in the kennel.

5. Huxley Swallowtail: This guy’s just awful. Just atrocious. Big hat with a feather on it. Pantaloons with stripes. Just the worst. The worst. Opposite problem as McClintock really. He acts like he’s some Seven Fingers of Sin gentleman thief but he’s really just alley trash who made his bones breaking arms for loan sharks and beating up younger kids for their lunch money. You can’t smother trash stink with fancy cologne.

But unfortunately I can’t pick all of these clowns so I write down DAVEY DRIFTWOOD in big block letters on the top of my little sheet of paper and then I roll a dice for the other two. Paolo and Roxan it is. To make a long story short the job goes fine. It gets dicey for a minute because I’m saddled with three incompetents. McClintock makes friends with some revolting hermit and comes back waving around some magic stick and later on they tip off the entire camp somehow and wind up cowering behind boulders. But it works out fine in the end. McClintock is shipped off to Fort Stolas to crack open rocks for the rest of her life-- priceless-- and Davey gets to have his precious reputation dragged through the muck. The best part is the dwarf-- he makes this pitiful “don’t worry about me, run, I’ll hold them off” martyr complex speech and just as they put a dozen windows in his stupid body he can see his friends getting hogtied and hauled away! God I wish he didn’t wear that fucking helmet so I could see his face when he realized he died for literally nothing. Exile, right, exile from reason maybe.

For a few days I’m walking on air. I have money in my pocket, shows booked, and I get to go to sleep dreaming of McClintock and Driftwood toiling away in their cute little prison pajamas. But then that guy the Octopus shows up at my door. I’d heard stories but the first time I met him actually was the bust at the mine. He was in charge. I didn’t like him. His face didn’t change the entire time-- just straight lines. Before I know it I’m on the ground, can’t move a finger, and he’s telling me I’m coming with him. Well, not much I can do about it. So off we go and I realize we’re rolling up to the palace. I’m terrified. I mean, I’m cooking up a dozen escape plans but I’m a little scared, I’ll admit it. In we go and I’m trying to play it cool and he shoves me in this huge room with a fireplace and portraits of rich humans who look like they have permanent constipation and holy moley it’s the prince himself! Again. The first time I was kind of in awe of him. He knew how to run a good racket. But this time-- well…. I don’t know. On the one hand… I was scared. He didn’t… look right. Something lifeless about him. About his eyes. And that tiara or whatever, which, and I mean I didn’t get a good look, but looked like it was made for an elf head or an especially fat gnome head, it was… on him. Let me back up. It was on him but it shouldn’t have been. It shouldn’t have fit. It… there wasn’t blood but… I don’t… I can’t explain it. I… I was shaking, friend. But on the other hand it was kind of sad. This wasn’t the guy I’d seen knock the smirk right off of Elias Ewer’s face. This was somebody who didn’t know where he was going. You get a sense for that kind of thing in the circles I used to run in. People taking stupid risks and picking pointless fights because they’re just running out their time on this stupid planet and are trying to speed up the process. That was him. He looked exhausted.

But, you know, I tipped back over into scared pretty damn quick because-- oh, hey, this is off the record, right? Ok, good. Right. I tipped back over into scared pretty quick because he bares his teeth just like a dog and he’s on me with a fancy saber, just bludgeoning away with the pommel. I’m on my back with the first hit, because I’m fucking shocked, and then he’s got his legs on either side of me just going to town. I’m-- I’m blubbering like a baby, trying to wave my hands, say no no, get off me, and he’s got me by the lapels slamming me into the floor saying “Leave the McClintocks out of this, leave the McClintocks out of this, you filth, you worm, do not touch them, do not bring them into this” or something like that. Which-- what? Really? They’re well-off by halfling standards but what does he care about a pack of three foot tall hypernerds? But one way or the other he’s practically foaming. It takes that scrawny bodyguard of his to pull him off me. The guy dusts me off himself and walks me outside. He apologizes! He apologizes right to my face. I forget what I say. I don’t remember the rest of the night really. I got drunk. I got really really drunk.

But now he’s dead. Funny how that happens to people who cross me. And McClintock’s out of jail. Look, I can’t get revenge on the prince, because the idiot got to himself first. But when you mess with me and there’s something important to you, I’m going to do what I can to break that thing. And when you’re giving me a concussion while drooling some nobody poser’s name into my face, I don’t forget that name. And she’s not gonna forget mine.

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nim-lock · 3 years

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the fury of “it comes out COMPLETELY differently if I intend to do something with a piece” vs. “yeehaw we can do whatever we want, no capitalism involved” >:| like at this point I’ve trained myself to draw on command, but the fluidity really starts disappearing if I second-guess myself

#and thus we are just creating recklessly and one day I'll go back and make prints or smth

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albatris · 3 years

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hello logan i feel obliged from love to finally ask a burning question about jacob greer: how much therapy does he receive??

this question can be generalized to all atdao, ofc, but you know my feelings for jacob

hello!!!! how's it going?? :D :D

thank you so much for the question, I am literally always waiting to pounce on any opportunity to ramble about jacob ahahaha

so I think I've joked before on this blog about how a potential ATDAO sequel is just "jacob greer goes to therapy".......... there's enough content there for at least a whole 'nother book imo

but anyway anyway yes hmmmm, a good question, ok, alright

short answer....... none for 90% of his life so far, then a lot of it

long answer,

well, he was never in any therapy as a kid because his 'rents didn't really ""believe in"" it......... n like, there was a lot of pressure on jacob growing up to keep up this image of the perfect golden child, n samuel and shauna saw him more as a prized object to be paraded around to make them look good rather than a human person..... so this meant no straying outside the norm, n if you had any negative feelings or resentment or anxiety u better repress that shit RIGHT away

so the rhetoric surrounding mental illness for jacob was very much..... any symptoms you experience will be fixed if you just try harder! and the fact that his parents saw him succeeding at everything that was important to *them* and were like??? you can't possibly be unhappy?? what do you mean?? you're doing fantastic in life??

and unfortunately he internalised all that so he kinda just........ Dealt With Stuff on his own for most of his life because he just always assumed his experiences were Perfectly Normal and he didn't have it "bad enough" to warrant therapy

n like. jacob has absolutely no issue with other people getting therapy. he just thinks, oh, but that's DIFFERENT, they actually NEED it, their problems are real not like mine

as a side note samuel and shauna greer's only motivation for allowing tris and becca into therapy was because they were Difficult and Not Like Jacob, it was not done with the intent of being supportive or out of concern for their wellbeing, it was basically just "we are at our wits end trying to make you normal so maybe this will"

n even then tris only landed in therapy initially cuz he got himself hospitalised and they were like "ma'am psychosis is not caused by the devil your son needs to see a psychiatrist"

anyway. jacob!

so....... he thankfully gets a lot of therapy after the climax of the story is over and done with!! to begin with, it's mostly to try and handle the aftermath of the unreality and all its associated trauma. poor sweet boy's been through a LOT. like, yeah, of course the unreality was fucked up for tris too but jacob spent weeks there terrified and alone and convinced he was dead and in hell the whole time...... lots of fun! yeehaw

n even SANS all the unreality stuff that ensued, dude almost got crushed to death in a car accident which is. hm. a lot

he basically gets out of hospital post-unreality, goes home, and is like. ok. here we are. time to get back to regular life. huh. why is my vision clouding over. why am I hyperventilating. why does my chest feel like it's going to explode. I think I'm having a heart attack

various people around him are like "yeah fam that's a panic attack also you went through something super fucked up and traumatic you should probably do some therapy about it" and he's like "nah"

he has to get over this mental hurdle of how like..... him going to therapy wouldn't be "cheating" (whatever that means) and how you don't have to have a capital M capital I Mental Illness to go to therapy (although he has several)

n after some gentle coaxing from tris and some "dude I love you but you're a dumbass" he agrees to it

and it's great help for coping with post-unreality life! it also opens up the floodgates to 25+ years' worth of trauma that he didn't realise was trauma

so ya, it starts off as mostly centred around his experiences in the unreality and around [redacted other story content I can't reveal due to spoilers], but also opens the door to him finally starting to work through...... a looooot of other stuff

complicated feelings towards his shitty parents, self-worth issues, identity issues, obsessive perfectionism, the ever-present panic that people will abandon him the instant he's not useful, his tendency to land in awful relationships because he's incapable of setting boundaries and can't recognise red flags, the years of stress from trying to protect his siblings from the same treatment his parents gave him, and the usual Growing Up In A Literal Reality-Unraveling Apocalypse

I feel like that's kind of an oof note to end on but, like, he's...... absolutely heading in the right direction? he has a lot to untangle and a lot of work to do and it’s probably not something that’ll ever have a definite End Point, but as with all (story) endings in ATDAO it's kind of just like....... yeah, he's gonna be alright, he's got this

y'know

he does make it to a place in life where he gets some consistent peace and happiness and is surrounded by good people who love him very much

so to answer your question, lots of therapy, finally, at long last, thank god

in conclusion,

*gives jacob greer a gentle kiss on the forehead*

#i am so sorry for how long and rambly this got i literally have zero filter #fdjghdsfkjghsdkjfhg #anyway. anyway. anyway #jacob greer is................. my favourite atdao character #i'm very fond of him he's a good kid #atdao #polyacery

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