#thats all i want. thats it. i want them to actually just fucking ask insted of assuming and choosing for me.

[tittysuckersworld]

vent thingy

#im so sick of everything- is it so wrong that i just want someone to directly ask me shit? #or like directly ask what i might want and let me have any agency???? this month i just keep consistently having others constantly making #choises and decisions for me when i can do that myself! i just want to actually have a fucking say in anything! fuck #like i know friends care for me and brother cares for me but fuck if i just want them to actually ask what i want?????? #thats all i want. thats it. i want them to actually just fucking ask insted of assuming and choosing for me. #i hate hate just everyone constantly trying to choose stuff for me on whats my best interest #i dont want to be pressured to not go to collage one year and then be pressured to go the next #i dont wanna have random things i dont even like gotten for me because people think i might like them #i just dont want anything! is that wrong? i just want to be treated like my own person and asked things! #if you wanna do smth for me ask! i will try to fucking find something! i just want to be a part of it if its for me! i dont want fucking #suprizes i hate suprizes i like when things are actually asked and planned when everyone fucking consents im sick of all of this #i dont even want the yogurt pretzles anymore even just thinking of them makes me want to hurl now cause i didnt! get! any! say!!!! #and fuck i just dont want any food! i dont want any in the house! i dont care i dont care if i starve at this point i dont fucking care any #more i cant keep fucking doing this i cant both bend over backwards to try and comfort others and be under this fucking much #fuck i havent even been able to tell my partner becaude theres been too much happening in his life- and i dont want it to worry or dote over #me i dont want anyone doing any worrying for me anymore its god #i dont know i feel bad for being ungrateful but im not in a mental state for this stuff #i just want to have a say in anything. anything at all that could actually affect me in a way bigger than the smallest shit

[huearmy]

Not My Friend.

Summary: Yoongi is a ordinary house cat hybrid with an ok life and a huge crush in his ower’s friend. Even if Y/N always treated him lovelly and as an equal he is all insecurities and thoughts of  rejection about being a hybrid, without imagining that the feeling can be reciprocal.

Pairing: cat!Yoongi x human!Reader

Genre: FLUFF, angst,  slight smut.

Words:  3737.

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: not grafic description/mention of sex.

gif is not mine.

Yoongi was kind of pissed, slightly upset... Absolutely stressed. The lights and loud music of the club did'nt help,  the drunk people ingnoring him, dancing around him as if he don't exist, neither. Is unusual for him feel so bad about being who he is, but today is a day that everything screams that he is less than everyone and it won't change. He brought the last swig of his drink to his lips, sad that he could'nt get another one alone, and for the sake of his pride he would'nd ask to Namjoon.

Is also unusual for Yoongi to argue with his friend and brother Namjoon, but today is a day that things got ugly. "You know that I love you hyung. For me we are equals, but is not like this for others. Even if my friends like you, they still seeing you as my pet.". It hurted. Hurts. Because is true, and Yoongi knows it.

And it hurts so... so bad... Because for a second he belived otherwise.

The discussion started when Yoongi thought he could share with his friend the feelings he have for you. You, the pretty human friend of Namjoon, the girl who is usualy at their house with no reason, the one that give the greatest pets ever and whose conversation is so good that he wouldn’t mind that you definitely lived with him. It took too long, but when Yoongi figured out his interest in you being a really romantic thing he was so happy he couldn’t keep to himself. 

“What do you think, Namjoon? How should I tell her?”

It's obvious to Yoongi that the negative reaction of Namjoon was caring, he knows his friend well enough. It wasn’t his intention to freak out and smash Yoongi heart.  He is trying to protect me. He told himself for the hundredth time, fighting against resentment. He discarted his plastic cup in defeat.

And there was you. The reason of his frustration. Oblivious at his issues, dancing with your friends. Namjoon's friends. Not his friends. His stomach droped.

Yoongi sighed. He can't just not stare at you. You are so beautiful to him, feeling yourself while dancing with your eyes closed, your pretty hair swinging around your delicate shouders, hips moving with the music naturaly - because you love dancing even if you are not goot at all. Another music started making you jump and sing. He almost can smell you now.

If he wasn't a scared cat... A hybrid cat... He would be dancing with you, talking in your ears, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you close, maybe kissing you... not only picturing it in his mind. But he is a pet, not a normal guy who you would like to flirt with.

He sighed again. He  remembering clearly when he first meet you two years ago.

____________________________________

Namjoon was a freshman in college, excited with everything new, the new apartament, new city, new knowledge, new friends... Every day he would enter trough the door, drop himself on the couch and speak his day out. Yoongi would listen, commenting on a thing or other once in a while. Your name was present in most stories, or the stories were about you. "I was trying to makes myself clear to the philosophy teacher when this girl spoke. She conclued my trought and argued for herself shuting up the teacher.", or "Remember that girl? Her name is Y/N and we get coffee together today. She is amazing, dude.", and "Y/N made an asshole cry today, seriuosly, she is beautful. She have that 'I don't give a fuck' atitude, you would love her, hyung". And Namjoon was right, as always.

It was on a day that Yoongi was feeling clingy and dependent of Namjoon's full attention but he was supposed to do a project with you in your place though. So insted of cancel with you to spend the day watching Netflix with Yoongi, the younger boy opted for bringing the hybrid to your apartament too.

“Dont worry, hyung. Y/N told me to bring you. Actually she was anxious to know you, she likes cute things you know...”

“Shut up.”

The poor cat was hating every second of it till you opened the door. You treated him as a old friend, greeting him with a genuine smile e tight hug.

"Enter you both and make the home yours. I bought snacks... And! I used that drive you gave me, Joonie, and already started the dissertation... You can revise if want to. It won't take so long as we through, then we can get fat cuddling on my couch."

Yoongi get unsure with you straightforward behavior at the time. But your focus was to finish your and Namjoon's work so he could get Netflix and cuddles as much as he wanted. You made coffee with cream when he said he like it and listened his complains about Namjoon breaking everything.

“Seriously is his third classes this year and we are in May.” Yoongi grunted making you laugh.

"I noticed it! Joonie always talk about you repair skills, though." 

"What else he talks about me?"

You laughed throwing your head back. You both were alone in the living room, sharing a blanket.

" A lot of things!” You said “That you are savage but actually a baby... That you are a good roommate to live with... And if I ever need a a good pianist, sincere advises, or help to hide a dead body, you are the man..."

"Oh..." 

He didn’t expected the two of you to talk much about him.

"And what Joonie told you about me?" You rested your chin in your palm. He take some instants to answer, and as if his brain are of jelly, it went terrible.

"He said I would love you."

Yoongi expected for a rispid response or for you to change the subject, or at least you’d laugh, somethig like it, but no. He would learn later how unpredictable you can be sometimes.

"And do you?" You asked in real interest, looking into his eyes. His cheeks turned pink, and you by instinct brought a hand to his hair and ears. You cooed "Sorry, Yoongs."

____________________________________

Thats right. You are nice to him... Gentle and kind... Always respectfull... You would enter his space and make him comfortable, or respect his distance when his not in the mood. Make silly things just to see his gummy smile and then pet his ears for hours. If any of your friends make fun of him you defend him and then make fun of them lighting the air. The fact of him being a hybrid never seems to bother you or changed the way you treated him.

He had hopes.

But he was just a pet... And you would never look at him the way he looks at you. Mesmerized by the club lights passing over your dancing body, changing color and pattern, he let himself sink a little more in self pity.

As if you could feel his dark troughts you opened your eyes and looked right trough his. His ears rose, tail moving unconscious behind him. You walked straight to him, concerned, ignoring every intoxicated person dancing in your way.

"What's wrong Yoongs?" You raised your voice because of the loud music. "Don't tell me that's nothing."

Yoongi licked his lips nervously. "I not feeling like partying. But Namjoon is having fun so I can't ask to go home now."

You seemed tipsy, he could smell the alcohol on you, along with that sweet perfume that you love and he hates, and your own scent that he loves.

You looked around, maybe looking for Namjoon, face thoughtful, wrinkling your nose cutely. Your tiny hand found it's way to his larger one, and instinctively he hold it tight. Yoongi love holding hands, especially with you.

Suddenly you smiled excited to him, getting closer to his face. So close he could kiss you...

"Do you want another drink?" You asked right in his ear, without get away an inch from him.

"What?" Yoongi asked, not understanding the purpose of the question.

Your smile spread devilishly.

"Dance with me, Yoongs. If you continue wanting to leave I'll get you home."

And then you were pulling him towards the dancing floor.

___________________________________

"Are you sure you want to do it?" His lover's voice got serious, eyes searching for his reassurance.

"I am." He answered not thinking twice.

His lover's smile were so pure and beautiful and genuine and happy that filled him of happyness too.

____________________________________

Yoongi woke up happy. He woke up in a bed that wasn't his. He didn't have to look around to recognize the room he was, the bedsheets were impregnated with your fragrance. The room was dark, the only light coming from a fissure between the curtains. He closed his eyes again, holding tight in a pillow and breathing deep. He still felt sleepy but couldn't stop his mind to revive last night.

You both danced and laughed and drinked and kissed. You made out in the club, in the Uber's backseat, in your couch...

He was naked on your bed. Things didn't stop in just make out.

Yoongi can remember clearly the view of your naked body in front of him for the first time, the lines of your silhouette, how it felt under his hands, so smooth. The way you took of his collar, never breaking eye contact, and then kissed him sweetly before riding him. How your fingers intertwined with his while he thrusted into you till you shake. Beautiful beneath him, repeating his name in moans in his soft black ears, nails finding it's way in his scalp. Your soft skin against his when everything you both could do was heavy breathing, too tired to even pull out of you. Praising him you kissed his lips again and held him close to your bare chest, playing with his hair the way he likes so much.

He never slept so well. Never felt so well with someone.

And then he realized... Where was you? Fully awake now, he searched for you under the fluffy blankets, finding nothing but your empty side of the bed. He slightly panicked.

His jeans were on the ground, beside your discarded dress, but his shirt wasn't anywhere to be seen. Would be a problem he wandering through your apartment shirtless? A ding caught his attention for a forgot cellphone under your desk chair. It was just a notification of low battery, but there were also  five calls and some massages from Namjoon:

[03:18 am]: hyung I'm sorry. rly.

[03:18 am]: where are you?

[03:21 am]:  I'm worried. call me back.

And then the phone died.

"Shit." He needed a charger urgent. Knowing his friend maybe he was already searching for Yoongi in hospitals, morgues and shelters.

He went to the door and suddenly stopped, hand on knob, the thought of calling Namjoon back totally erased of his mind.

You wasn't in bed with him unlike as Yoongi imagined his first morning with you. He should had woke with you in his arms, you would say "good morning" to each other in a meaningful way, then he would give little kisses in your whole face, treading to your lips to a real kiss, you would get embarrassed and hide your red cheeks in his chest... He woke up alone instead.

What if you regretted everything? You could awakened with hangover and regretted the one night stand. Or feeling awkward for sleeping with him... Or disgusted. And if you woke up and realized that you had sex with a hybrid and regretted?  It wouldn't be the first experience Yoongi of this kind. A disposable kink or drunken mistake... It would hurt...

No.

You are different. After the night you had together he could trust you.

Even if you don't feel the same as him... You wouldn't kick him out of your apartment... Or cut him off of your life...

Right?

"Stop being idiot, Yoongi." He told himself. "At least you have Namjoon to buy you beer in the worst case."

Music was playing in your kitchen, a amazing smell of eggs, bacon and something sweet come meet him in the corridor.  Yoongi found you humming happily, holding the door of the fridge open while searching for something.

"I'm running out of milk..." You whispered to yourself. Wearing a purple silk robe and your fluffy slippers you closed the fridge door without taking anything from inside. You did not heard Yoongi enter the kitchen neither expected him to hug you from behind, pulling your back against his chest, arms crossed in your waist. So didn't he. But you were so cute, with messy hair and being just your always self, his own scent still on you. His concerns gone, Yoongi couldn't help it unless be straightforward and reach for your touch.

You let out a yelp of surprise, grabbing his forearms, slightly sticking your nails on it. He chuckled softly at your heart rate speed up.

"Jesus, Yoongs... How are you so quiet?". You said with a hand on heart, already relaxing in his embrace.

"Sorry." His deep morning voice took you by surprise once more, spreading a shiver all over your body, making your silly mind remember the last night events, just to you get flustered. You were so chill until right now, damn. When you woke up facing a sound asleep cat, thigtly holding you close to him, you needed to hold yourself on to not squirm in excitement. Your fear was to make the atmosphere awkward between you two after being friends for so long. So you chilled up and planned to do everything right.

"You was supposed to be sleeping..." You scolded him, turning in his arms to face him, with red cheeks and pouting. "I'd take breakfast in bed for you."

Shock stamped up Yoongi's features. "Really?"

Your face reddened, suddenly the white wall was more interesting. "Really... I must treat you well."

You always treat me well, Y/N. Yoongi through to himself, but by your tone and the slight smirk in your adorable lips, he could tell the difference. "Ok.". He gulped.

"Since you are here... Sit." You said, getting apart from him. "I'll feed my Yoongs.".

Instantly he felt the loss of your warmth and contact, but at the same time he melted with the sound of your voice calling him "my Yoongs". Once you turned your attention back to breakfast again, he choose the chair next to the window, where there was sunlight and he could see the busy avenue  below - many cars going to somewhere, and people like tiny ants doing their own thing in their own lives, and the river running and shining below the bridge, on the other side was the park Yoongi like to go with you...  You were singing along with the music now, serving the table before him, your cleavage exposed by the robe - apparently you were wearing nothing else... Maybe panties too... He scolded himself, biting his thumb's nail to focus on something else, but then he noticed hickeys in the curve of your breasts and in your neck.

"Fuck." He whispered.

But in your not too large kitchen, you listened it clearly.

"What was it?" You let ou a nervous giggle.

"Nothing." Yoongi rested his elbows in the table, hiding face in hands. He couldn't handle look at you with the thought of biting and marking you and make you his and his only in mind. Last night he did so much effort to not do it without your consent, and even more effort to not ask, afraid of rejection.

You brought him back from his dreaminess, pulling him against you, petting his ears and hair. His tense body relaxed instantly.

"Did you sleep well? Need aspirin for headache or something?" You quietly asked, resting your chin on top of his head.

"No. I'm ok." He snuggled his face in the tender skin, scenting you.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. You hummed.

"Oh!" You frozed. "Namjoon is super worried about you...! Like... He called me twenty-four times and left thousands of voice mails and massages..."

He licked his lips.

"I need a charger to tell him I'm ok."

You pout.

"I already did it, silly. I told him you are here with me, safe and sound, and that I won't give you back till you get grumpy.". He smiled and you mirrored it. Then you got serious, tracing his jawline with your index finger. "He think you are upset with him... and you really was not ok yesterday. What happened?"

Yoongi gulped. He can be sincere with you.

"Namjoon can be an asshole sometimes. We argued, and I disappeared from the club, my phone is dead so..."

"It seems you are giving him the cold shoulder." You pointed.

"I'm not." He finally closed his arms around you. " I just forget about him when with you."

Your heart speeded up again, making him smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Due to his hesitancy, you added. "You don't need to."

"He told me to not expect too much from our... His friends. 'Cuz most of them only see me as a pet of him."

You remained silent for a moment, and then sighed.

"We really have some friends that are... Ignorants. And we can't do anything about it. But there's Hoseok and Jin who understand that hybrids aren't different of humans, and is obvious for me how much they like you."

"I know... I know." Yoongi pressed his eyes tightly. "We argued because... being an hybrid there's limits that I can't cross... At some point I'll be repelled, even by Hoseok, Jin..." He gulped again. "Even by you."

You pulled away, eyebrows joinig in irritation. Your words sounded offended.

"Seriously, Yoongi? After years knowing each other, didn't I make my positioning and support to hybrid clear? Or my affection for you? For heaven's sake...! We had sex. How can you doubt..."

"It wouldn't be the first time of being the fetish of someone that thinks I'm not a man at all." He interrupted.

You shuted up.

The angry expression faded away from your features, replaced by shock and then sadness. In your absence of words, Yoongi continued.

"I was afraid you would regret last night... I even through you would cut me off of your life, or at least kick me out of the apartment..." He let out a mockery laugh, not handling to look you in the eyes anymore. "You will be judged for sleeping with a hybrid. And I don't want it. Don't want you being treated differently by anyone...".

You approached again, taking his face in your tiny hands, lovely caressing his cheeks with your soft thumbs - just like last night, and he almost expected for you to kiss him. You were being soft and caring, but at same time, firmly make him look you straight in the eyes.

"I'm already judged, Yoongs. A lot of people think I'm fool and talk about me behind my back." The voice that reached his ears was so soft now. You opened a smile of pure pride. "And I don't give a damn.".

He couldn’t break eye contact, he couldn't dare to blink and lost a second of the sight of you.

"It don't matter for me race, gender, age, sexual orientation... If you have fluffy ears and tail or not. I'll love and respect everybody equally. At least I try, reading about and listening, and learning what I don’t know. You can always tell me what you are felling or where I’m failing..." 

You have beautiful eyes and now they were sad again.

"I don't care about what those...bastards talk about hybrids... And I'm sorry for your past experiences..." You took a deep breath. Thinking in someone having the opportunity of be with Yoongi and choosing to break his heart make you sick. "For me you are an amazing man.".

"These words mean the world to me, Y/N." Yoongi said in his breath, feeling belonging as never before. 

"You welcome, Yoongs."

___________________________________

A lazy saturday came along after this. You both spend all day cuddling in the couch, netflix on, or sharing earphones, and chit chating here and there. When the hunger came you ordered take out and decided who would get up and pay the delivery guy with rock paper and scissors. Yoongi lost it, but you got up anyways to pick plates and forks. And then you were tangled under the covers once more.

Hanging out like this is not unusual for you two. But it felt odd for Yoongi, different from before, like it was the first time. Sleeply observing you scrolling through your social media, Yoongi conclued that If having sex with you didn't ruined the friendship you have, expressing his feelings probably would.

But Yoongi wanted be in the same page as you.

You were watching a video on Instagram, not really focused on it, with your free hand playing with his hair, making him even more sleepy. You could feel his gaze on you, but besides the butterflys in your belly, it doesn't make you uncomfortable at all. 

"Y/N..." He said in his low voice.

"Humm?" Blocking the cellphone's screen, you stared back at him. Your nose at centimeters from his.

He took your hand, circulating his thumb in the torso of it in a caring way. The gesture not passing unnoticed by you.

"I need you to know... Even if it isn't reciprocal... Last night had a whole meaning for me. I like like you, Y/N."

You stated at him in silence for a moment,  making the whole world freeze. Before the conversation you both had in the kitchen that morning, Yoongi would be panicking, already regretting telling you such a thing. Now he just waited.

Like he wanted to, you smiled. With your beautiful lips, warm eyes, and all your body too.

"I know, sleepyhead."

You leaned to him, he came to you too, no hesitation. And that's it. He was kissing you again. 

"We must talk about this reciprocity thing later." You whispered against his mouth.

Yoongi was kind of horny, slightly euphoric... Absolutely happy. 

___________________________________

So, I really hope you liked it, pls interact, tell what you think... I’ll be posting more if I have a good feedback, probably a witch!au with Jin :) kiss kiss pls I dont want to be insecure about it kiss kiss.

#bts hybrid fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts fluff #bts blog #min yoongi #cat!yoongi #hybrid bts #hybrid yoongi #yoongi x reader #suga #bangtanshadowfamily

[acrobaticcatfeline]

Of Books, Brothers, and Broadway (Creativitwins College AU) Chapter One!!!

Word Count: 1771

TW: So Remus, obviously, swearing, ocean mentions, sea creatures and reptiles, and I think that’s it!

Pairings: None yet. This chapter is just a ton of platonic creativitwins!

Notes: This is three pages that I wrote last night. I’m now at ten pages of this. I don’t know what I was possessed by but I’m not about to complain. Its a college AU, I mention it I think, but Roman is a theatre major and Remus is a marine biology major with a minor in creative writing. I’m excited for you guys to see more of this!

Summary: “Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!” Roman and Remus Reyes live together. They figured it would be cost effective to do so while in college. Roman deals with Remus’ reptiles and fish tank, Remus deals with Romans singing at 3 in the morning. They’ve had an interesting relationship, and when Remus reminds Roman of a deal they made years ago, hes ready to start crying. Can a couple of kids from Florida make a Broadway musical?

“Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!”

Roman was done with his brothers bullshit. He doesn't know where he got the bright idea that the two of them should cohabitate in an apartment during college, but as he panickedly climbs onto the kitchen counters to escape him he knows he must've been on some sort of drug. He released a scream as he backed into the corner of the room as his brother held out a lizard that was definitely going to jump and attack him.

“GET IT AWAY!!! ITS SLIMY AND GROSS AND MALICIOUS!!!”

“This little guy malicious? Nah bro, that's a you problem. He's so cuteeee look at his scales they’re almost a holographic!”

That caught Roman's attention. He stopped panicking to actually look at the critter in his brother's hands. Remus was right, he was almost holographic. Roman gave it a weak smile and Remus beamed.

“See? It's not that scary! I'm gonna keep him! He's gonna be named fred!”

Roman chuckled softly as his brother finally left and brought the lizard to his room. He slipped off the counter and followed at a safe distance.

“Don't you think you have enough reptiles? If you keep getting more you'll need more heat lamps and i'm giving you more of the electric bill”

“Ok fair point but hear me out, have you ever seen a collared lizard quite as colorful as this one? I mean he's such a pretty one aint he?”

Roman took more steps forward, relaxing once the lizard was placed in the terrarium. The lizard was quite colorful, and Roman couldn't deny, it was one of the prettiest ones Remus had captured. It immediately scurried around and dived into the water bowl. Roman laughed at it.

“Besides, he was just begging to be brought in! Like really this time! He kept bumping into my feet, he started climbing my pants leg, it was so cute you should've seen it!”

“I'm sure I would have cried.”

Remus chuckled as he moved to the other wall of his room covered in a giant aquarium that Roman was still amazed fit through the doors. Remus grinned at all the fish swimming around, tipping a good portion of fish food into the tank after turning off the filter. He then made his way to his bed and sat on the twin sized mattress covered with octopus blankets. He grinned at his brother and Roman rolled his eyes.

“When are you finally kidnapping an octopus huh?”

“I'm glad you asked! You know my internship right?”

“Of course, the only time you don't talk about the marine institute is when youre talking about your reptiles”

Remus popped up and grabbed Roman's wrist and dragged him to the whiteboard calendar that hung on the outside of his door, pointing excitedly at tomorrow's date while bouncing on his toes.

“Well they just got an octopus buddy in that needs constant care that they don't have the time for! She's real fucked up, she needs meds twice a day, she needs to be hand fed, its a real fucked up case, they were rescued from a seaworld copycat, the poor thing hasn't been healthy since it hatched we think. There's a chance that she won't even be able to be released cuz she's been so dependent on humans for her whole life. But they opened up for applicants, and I was the only one willing to take her in. they're coming and checking my tank tomorrow and if it is good enough, which i'm certain it will be, and then they'll hand her over and i’ll be her caretaker!”

Roman grinned at the excitement his brother had. He ruffled his hair quickly.

“That's cool rem. I'm happy for you. She got a name?”

“Mhmm! Her name is Cephanie! But I've been calling her Cephy. She's so pretty ro, i can't wait for you to meet her! And she's so friendly!”

“You know every day I get less confused at your choice in major. And more confused about your minor”

Remus grinned at Roman and released his wrist, skipping over to their kitchen, relishing in the fact that Roman followed still. He poured himself a cup of coffee and jumped onto the counter with a grin still plastered to his face. He took a sip from his mug, the one with a tentacle handle, and kicked his feet.

“I don't know why! It's totally sensical to have a minor in creative writing ro! It's not like you can expect me to be your playwright if i don't know what i'm doing! Besides, i can write epic lovecraftian horrors that aren't incredibly racist and who doesn't want that?”

Roman blinked. He had to process what Remus had said and he was still confused. His head tilted like a dogs.

“My playwright?”

Remus giggled, it was funny when Remus giggled, it wasn't a sound that you would expect to come out of him. And yet he did it often.

“Did you forget? Aw ro, you can't back out on it now, you asked me when we were still in middle school to write you a book for a musical, and you were gonna write the music and you kept saying you were gonna get it on broadway. I've held up my end of the deal! In fact, I actually have a story started, I think you're gonna love it! Course, i haven't written it all out yet, it's gonna be my final”

“Wait, you remembered that? Rem we were like 10!”

“And now we’re 21, what's your point?”

“We, we can't get on broadway! We’re a couple of idiots from florida! I’m, i'm not a musician, I'm barely even a dancer, what are you talking about? That was a fever dream from a couple of kids, it's not like we can actually do it!”

Remus frowned. He set his mug of coffee down and hopped off of the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Roman a serious look.

“Do you know when lin manuel miranda wrote his first broadway musical?”

“No i-”

“His sophomore year of college. Who says we can't do the same? Roman you under sell your talents. You're a theatre major, you may not be amazing at any instruments other than your voice but damn bro, your voice is good enough on its own. I've seen you dance, you're one of the best dancers i've ever seen and you're in your fourth year of college. We have potential. I know we can do this if we try, but i can't make it happen alone. I need your help”

Roman looked lost. He wanted, oh so desperately he wanted, to make it happen. It had always been a dream of his to make it to broadway, but he wasn't wrong, they weren't lin manuel miranda, they were some twins from florida, they had no idea what they were doing. And yet. And yet he held out his hand to his brother.

“Ok. ok, we can try this. I can, I can make a score. We can do this”

Remus grinned again and took Roman's hand. He tugged him into the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling out his notebook and flipping to a bookmarked page. Roman sat next to him and looked over at it. There were a few doodles around a plotline that was both gorey and Romantic a la sweeney todd but also quite similar to ella enchanted. Remus grinned at the book and then started explaining.

“Ok so the main character, played by you presumably, is an author”

“Did you just write out your personal fantasy Remus?”

“No, shut up! Ok so he's written several books, like neil gaiman or terry pratchet level several, but those aren't all the stories he's made, he has several stories that have never seen the light of day. He writes his stories in notebooks and journals ordinarily, waiting until they’re fully developed to make them digital. In one of these notebooks there lies a bit of magic. So he writes in this unknowingly, writes of a powerful magician, and as he sleeps it awakes. The magician escapes and brings each of his hundreds of creations to life just the same as him. The characters run amok and the author awakes to see the most beautiful man he's ever met at the foot of his bed. It takes him seeing the magician running through his home to realize that these are his characters. And the man is the protagonist from his most famous novel, one he wrote as a guilty pleasure, writing of a man he had met in his dreams. And he finds that these characters were pulled from different points in their books. The character had been pulled from the early pages, after he had suffered a major trauma and had no clue of the powers he possessed. So now, with his dream man in his living room, in pain from an event he had written, and gifted with emotionally driven powers, he has to fix this mess with the added hurdle of the character creating villains and fiends ready to destroy humanity as a whole with no way to stop. Along the way, some of his characters suffer mortal wounds at the hands of heinous and violent creatures, and all the author has is one magic notebook to fight them off. Romantic plot between the author and dream MC, with angst from the reality of once everything is dealt with, he will have to go back to the book. Thats what ive got so far, what do you think?”

Roman is starry eyed. It's far less violent than Remus’ normal brand of writing, it doesn't inherently include any sea monsters or snake men, and it's something Roman can really appreciate. He loves it, he can already feel the gears turning for songs and dances. Now that he heard the actual story instead of just going on the drawings, he saw far more nutcracker vibes from it. 

“Oh, and there's a happy ending or whatever that the author gets to like, marry the other MC, and everyone lives happily ever after. I know you like the cutesy shit”

“Remus this is amazing! I can't believe I hesitated, I already have some ideas for the score! Remus you're a genius. I love you!”

Roman launched into a hug with Remus, which had the other laughing. Remus hugged him back.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

It was Roman's turn to turn into a giggling mess.

Taglist: @fivebyfive-finebyfive @tacohippy56900 @analogical-mess @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @angels-and-dreams @fandomloverangel

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing!!!

Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

#roman sanders #remus sanders #duke remus #college au #familial creativitwins #creativitwins #tw swearing #tw cursing #my writing #my fanfiction

[a-dd-i-c-t-ed]

first

Hi i guess uhh..

So I just started to write what was on my mind as a one shot. It based on music The neighbourhood - Stuck with me..

Sorry for the grammar mistakes it’s not my first language problaly shit and noone ever going to read it but why not.

(Picture not mine)

———————-

I was looking out of the window.

The trees had beautifull green crown. I listened the music and thinking about “what if..?” “I could at least say something..”

I looked up the sky and I felt like someone already sitting in my chest. Maybe it was him.

My thoughts was about to blow my mind up. I know him for 7 years. I just don’t want to ruin but now I feel like if I can’t say it out loud it going to hurt better than I don’t say anything.

-Y/n we are here. - I looked at my brother after a few seconds. - Are you going to tell one day what is on your mind?

- Yeah maybe one day.

- Let’s go inside - he gave me a small smile.

I took a deep breath and went with him.

Hazel my brother girlfriend already came to us she gave y/b/n a kiss and hugged me.

-I missed you globetrotter - she gave me a warm smile.

-What can I say.. I am. A random person. Now excuse me please my plungs need some smoke.- I felt like my anxiety came through my body.

I went outside and just take a deep breath. I wasn’t ready for this coming back. I needed more time.

-So after I see you in one year and don’t even say to hi to an old friend. I kinda feel sad. - it was him voice. I bite my lips while i looked at him.

- What about a hug insted of speaking?! - I smirked playfully in my mask. Inside I was terriefied. He was more handsome after the last time I saw him.

- y/n.. - he opened his arms and i throw my cigarette away and jump on him without anyword. - I missed you. And I’m sorry - he whisperd gentle to my ears.

- I missed you too Ben. - I closed my eyes take my tears deep inside me.

-Look at you! You look beatiful - he laughed his green eyes stared me. - I can see you changed a lot since we met. Let’s go take a walk..

-But I haven’t even say to anyone else but you and ...

-They can wait -Ben cut me off - After all I am you best friend.

-Yeah.. - and oh I wish we could be more more than just “best friends”

****

We walked deep in the forest to our secret spot: The treehouse we made one we were teenagers.

-So you want to tell me that you were fine out in Europe and thats why you didn’t come to home just now?

-Yeah i needed a break after I got too much light. I didn’t feel okay. I needed some time you know a deep breath.. I guess that was a year to take it.. - shrugged looking up the top of the trees.

-Don’t lie to me I know you enough for this.

-What are you talking about?

-About we had slept together before that day and I woke up after that you left. - he was too serious looked right into my eyes. -You didn’t even tell the reason and why? I had to ask your mom if you are alright where are you and she almost kicked me out of the house and yelling about things.. - At first I couldn’t say a word.

-I just.. we are friend that’s okay sometimes happens. - I fired another cigarett my hand was shaking. -Ben let this go please we know eachother for seven years.. I can’t lose you.

-I felt like you did. When we haven’t really talk in that year I felt like you don’t even want to see me anymore.. You write me after 2 weeks you left! - he was angry I was afraid - You write everyone first but not me. I wanted to go after you but I didn’t know where you went or anything! Can you think a bit what feels like when everyone blame you because you left without a word..

-I was afraid - I whisperd tears falled down on my face looking down sadly. I couldn’t help myself. -I was fucking afraid Ben! -then I was louder than i wanted to be - Yeah you know it was freaking good to hear from every fucking people “yeah it’s y/n the friendzoned person in his life.. ooh who exactly is she? Ben and her together or what the hell are they doing?” - felt like everything want to break out of me in the same time I didn’t let him speak I couldn’t- God damnit Ben! You know how hard was to not talk about this to anyone?! You know how much massage I got because of this? Like “ you’re a fucking whore..” “you’re his friend because you want his money!” Yes I was terrefied inside but I showed okay thats fine I’m okay they don’t know anything. But after the night when we got too drunk and we slept I felt guilty. - smiled at him sadly

- Y/b/n told me a day before you got massage because of me. I know we are best friends we know eachother these many years but I can’t do anything with them. - Ben whisperd

- I really really.. like really wanted to be with you. But I am never going to be a person you want as your children mothe...

-Can you just stop for a moment? -he cut me of speaking.

-I didn’t let him ti be honest..

-I know. Because one thing was only important for me. You y/n.

-Please don’t lie.

-I’m not lying y/n I felt so wrong after we were that drunk in that night really.. I never wanted to hurt you. I always thought about “what if..” but when I wanted to say out loud you left. - He put his arms on my face his forehead connected to mine.

-Say what?

-That if you stayed a little long after that night.. maybe if you waited for a little long. -he shoot down his eyes sadly and looked at me.

-You know I wasn’t feelig right in the first 6 months. I was felt deep love after you so many years. I loved the way that you laughed and how you always got me of my room just to do something usefull. Actually I never said how greatfull for that you made go on that show. I had my succesfull when you were next to me. But then the next months I sarted to live again without you. Do you remember when we went other ways for one year sometimes a little spoke but nothing. That what I felt. And found someone. -And that was the moment when I know he we will be always my friend. No matter how hurt. -You are so beutiful you are amazing you have personality. I can’t lie to you. I felt I loved you but no. You are my best friend you always will be that. But I just can look at you again. You know why? When you were with Greg you went blind. I tried to make you see he used you but you went after your heart madly. You even send me to hell for it. You said you hate me becaus of him you never wanted to see me again. And I stayed. -tears falled down on my face it was all true. It was all my mistake in the end. Again. And again and again.

-I’m sorry -whisperd sadly.

-No not your fault. Mine that I kissed you first. Sometimes we have to mistakes to know what good what bad. It was a bad idea. I felt like maybe if I go far enough I will love you.

-I guess I was to blind to say no to you.

I looked right before me. Fake smiled at him. Inside I wasn’t okay but I showed it. That what was what I could do.

-We should go back. - stand up quickly. -I want to say hi to the others to.

-Can I show you her? Her name is Elle. Probably shouldn’t now.

-I don’t think I’m going to stay more than 2 days. I will go back to Hungary. I found my place there. -faked smile again with a sigh starting to walk back.

-Stay y/n you already have place here. Your friends me. Please.

-I can’t. I have a job now there. Small good I’m okay with that. -Lied again. -I don’t feel like I could stay here..

As I watched the others smiled everyone had their pair except Brian. I could inagine that girl he talked about it. Hard swallow went down on me. Everyone did something so I just went away in silence. Left them like everything here. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I felt empty.

******

I went down streets. It was weird last time when I was here it was 10 years ago. Now I’m 30 I moved back home. I rent an apartment for myself I got a job.

It was a month home. I only talked to my brothers no one else.

Usually days went by time until one day I went to a bar just to get something drink after a long day in work.

I asked the bartender for a captain morgan with ginger and drank.

-Excuse me Lady do I know you?

-I don’t think so sir. Y/n by the way.-smiled at him widely.

-Ben, nice to meet you. You are like someone in my dreams one I had.

-And now? What is feel like meet apart from your dreams?

-Like life banged me hard after I let you go for second time. I can let this happen again so just let me kiss already. -My eyes went wide open staring those green eyes. His blone messy hair made him more attractive than I rememberd. Through my mind I realized his lips on mind. Soft and gently kiss started. Closed my eyes get my arms around him and smiled.

-I need you y/n. i want you be my children’s mother. I can’t let you third time away. -my heart beat faster almost came out of my chest started laugh in happiness.

-Sorry. But we have the most shitty brasil romance after 17 years. You are stuck with me so i guess I’ll be sticking with it.

-I love you. -small kisses he had with smiling face -I love you. And I love that you always coming back.

-Yeah about that I am old. I’m going to leave if you kidding with me again. I’m going to kick your big ass out of somewhere where we are. And this is our last chance if doesn’t working. We have to let this go. We aren’t children anymore.

-You’re alright. But know I’m going to walk with you home give you a goodnight kiss and tomorrow ehatever you are doing after I’ll take you on a date okay darling? -I nodded smiling looking at him.

Of course that night we slept together and again and again. Until day we never wake up.

#ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #ben hardy x you #ben hardy imagine #imagine #one shot

[that-quiet-girl-who-writes]

Crutches (SB.)

A/N: I feel like this is bad, so I’m sorry, but I’ve had no motivation to write. Fucking writer’s block messes with you, seriously I wrote a really dramatic version of my friends story about a girl losing er flip flop to try and inspire myself and it did not work.Also, I was about half way through proof reading this when I got bored and just stopped.

Requested: (I combined two because I’m just that lazy... and uninspired)

 @gingergremlin: Hey, could you do a Sirius x reader (or one of the other marauders) when the reader gets injured in a quidditch match and can't walk without crutches. during one of the marauders pranks or something one one or both breaks. Then because Sirius feels bad he said he will carry her until she is better. You can't workout the ending 😊Sorry if the request is long, pa love your writing 💜💜

@huflerin: Im not sure if you do requests, but if you do I was wondering if you could do a young sirius black x hufflepuf/slytherin reader (like harry but hufflepuff insted of gryffindor) thats a girl. Please, and if you do it thank you.

Pairing: Young!Sirius Black x Hufflepuff!reader

Word Count: 2161

Warnings: Swearing, injuries

Masterlist

Quidditch was by far the most popular wizarding sport in Europe, which meant you either played it or you watched it, but everybody loved it. I was a player and a damn good one as my friends put it. Being able to get on a broom and play the sport was one of favourite things to do. I loved the rush from diving down and pulling back up at the last second or the wind blowing the hair out of my face as I flew along side my friends. As soon as I had gotten to Hogwarts, I tried out for the team. It wasn’t until my third year when I finally made it, alongside my friend, James Potter. He was a chaser for Gryffindor and I was a beater for Hufflepuff. My friends always told me that I was a beater because I had a bit of a temper and that I acted a bit more like I should be in Slytherin instead of Hufflepuff. Now, in our sixth year, we were still playing and James was currently the Gryffindor captain. This meant that the celebratory post-win parties were three times as big, loud and long, as he and Sirius had them planned out days in advance.

 Today was game day, Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff (a.k.a. The game that James and I get really competitive in, as we both want to win just so we could brag about it to the other) Lily and I had just entered the Great Hall to have breakfast. Entering the hall, we immediately spotted the Marauders being their usual loud selves. James was already dressed in his red and gold uniform, as I was in my yellow and black one. He waved when he saw me.  

 “Oi, Y/L/N! Ready for today?” He called. He always called me by my last name when we were on the pitch. I guessed he was already in that set of mind as he had his snitch out and he was tossing it around more than usual.

 “Oi, Potter! Aren’t chasers supposed to go after the quaffle?”

 “Shut up.” He laughed as Lily and I sat next to Remus and Peter on the other side of the bench. That’s when I realized that there was one person missing.

 “Um, where’s Sirius?”

 “Oh, you will never guess what your lovely little boyfriend did this morning.” Said James.

 “What? Did he do something stupid? Is he in detention?”

 “No, nothing like that. He actually managed to convince Minnie to let him be the announcer for today’s game.”

“No way! How the fuck did he manage to do that? I never would have thought he would be allowed anywhere near that microphone.”

 “I don’t know. The only time I’ve seen him today was when he told me and then he ran off to get ready or something.”

 “Okay then.” I said, still confused as to why Professor McGonagall would let Sirius Black have access to a microphone at an event the entire school would be attending. There was no use in questioning the boys, as they clearly didn’t know anything. I continued to eat breakfast although I didn’t have very much. I always felt a little off before a game.

 An hour later, I was mounting my broom in the middle of the pitch, mentally preparing myself for that would be starting in a few seconds. I looked across from me at the Gryffindor team and caught James’ eye. He was staring me and mouthing “You’re going down” with a smile on his face. I smiled back and flipped him off while keeping my hand close to me, so that a professor wouldn’t see. He chuckled and turned his attention back to the quaffle which was just about to be released.

 The game moved fast, which I was accustomed to, but today I still had these nerves in the pit of my stomach. This was unusual as they always disappeared the second I got on my broom. Now it felt as though the game was moving too fast. I didn’t even remember that the voice announcing everything that was happening belonged to Sirius until I saw a bludger go whizzing past the front of my broom.

 “Gryffindor beater, Johnson sends a bludger straight at Hufflepuff beater, Y/L/N! I don’t care if you're in my house, Johnson, I’ll break your neck if you try to hurt my girlfriend again!”

“Black!”

 “What? I’m just warning him Professor. It’s the polite thing to do.”

 I laughed along with the crowd and looked up in the direction of the stands to see Professor McGonagall glaring at Sirius, but not making him put the microphone down.

 I continued on flying and after fifteen minutes, the score is tied 50-50. The wind began to pick up and hair was getting blown in front of my face. I flew away from the action for a second to fix it. I drew out my wand and did a spell I had learned specifically for quidditch, knowing that it was impossible to fly while barely being able to see.

 After my hair was pulled up, I was about to fly back to where I could see the bludgers flying around when I tuned back into Sirius’ comments.

 “Abbott has the quaffle and is racing towards the goal posts! Potter’s right beside her, looking for his chance to take it from her! Here comes Johnson and he has hit a bludger at her… it worked! Distracted, Abbott has lost the quaffle to Potter! Merlin, that bludger was fast! No wonder it- Y/N WATCH OUT!”

 I had my back turned from the action, going after the second bludger that was going in the opposite direction. At Sirius’ shout, I turned my head and hit the one that he had been trying to warn me about. My arm came over my head, hitting the ball from above. I didn’t have enough time to aim and as my bat collided with the bludger, I knew it wasn’t going to help. The bludger began to go towards the ground, but hit the back of my broom on the way, causing it to break. Instead of going straight down, the ball’s path curved, sending it underneath my broom and hitting my right leg hard.

 My broken broom and I began spiraling down to the grass. One of my nearby teammates was quick and collided with me before I reached the ground. I unwrapped my hand from the handle of the broom, letting it fall and break into a couple more pieces. My teammate let me down onto the ground next to my broom. As soon as I got off his broom, I collapsed, not being able to stand on my leg.

 All of sudden, Madame Hooch was in front of me, Sirius right behind her. They started asking me if I was okay, but I was in too much pain to concentrate. I heard Madame Hooch say that my leg was broken and then I felt someone put a charm on me, so that I was incredibly light. Sirius grabbed my arm, pulling me up. He helped walk all the way from the pitch to the hospital wing. In the back of mind, I wondered what was going on back on the quidditch field. Would they find a backup beater and keep playing or would the game be postponed? Probably the former.

 Sirius helped me over to a bed and made sure I was comfortable before Madame Pomfrey came over and began to examine my leg. She told me that broken legs were easy to fix, but because of the way mine was bent and the place it was broken, she wouldn’t be able to fix it completely.

 “Now, there is something I can do here, but you will probably have to walk with crutches for a week or so.” She told me. Sirius looked very confused.

 “What are crutches?” He asked.

 “It’s a muggle thing, Padfoot. They help you walk when you do something to your leg.” I explained to him. Sirius still looked confused, but I was pretty sure he didn’t want to make me answer any more questions while I was in pain.

 Madame Pomfrey let me leave the hospital wing on crutches the next day. Sirius and the other marauders helped me carry my books from class to class, but after a few days of not doing much other than helping me get up and down the stairs, I could tell they were getting bored. I wasn’t surprised when I found them preparing a prank for a group of particularly nasty 7th years. Immediately, I wanted to be in on it. I may be a Hufflepuff, but that didn’t mean I was innocent.

 We were all in position for the prank. Sirius had made sure I wasn’t in the centre of the action, so I was now standing off to the side to watch after helping them prepare for it. As soon as the 7th years spotted me, they were suspicious. They walked up to me and starting questioning me as to why I was here.

 “Hey, Y/L/N, what are doing all alone?” One of them asked me.

 “Yeah, where’s your little boyfriend? He’s been following you around like a sad puppy ever since you got hurt.” Another said. Before I could answer, Sirius was out of his hiding spot and right by my side.

 “Leave her alone, guys.” He said, pulling me away from the group.

 “Come on, Black! Where are you going? We were only talking.”

 Just then, a bucket of powder fell from the ceiling, covering the boys in green powder. Sirius smiled at me and I laughed. They couldn’t see anything and started to trip over each other. A couple of the ended up on there asses while one who had been talking to us before pulled out his wand and started yelling.

 “That was you, Black, wasn’t it?! You and your friends?! You’re gonna regret that!” He yelled after us. Sirius just laughed at him until a hexes were shoot from the group, straight towards us. The first one missed us. A second one just about hit the face of Sirius’ head. Then a third spell was fired, but I could tell that it wasn’t just a simple hex, this was a curse. I tried to move, but the crutches prevented me from getting anywhere fast. I could see the spark aiming down and before I could do anything, it had hit my uninjured leg. I cried out in pain and just before I fell over, Sirius caught me. The curse stung my entire leg and I knew there was no way I could stand let alone walk right now.

 “What is going on here?!” I hear Professor McGonagall shout from behind us.

 No one says anything for a moment, knowing that we were all in hot water at the moment.

 “Well? Mr. Black? Would you care to explain why you are holding up Miss. Y/L/N?”

 “These blokes threw a curse at her! I don’t know what it was, but I don’t think she can stand.”

 “No, I can’t.” I interjected.

 “Are you in pain?” She asked.

 “A little bit.” I said quickly, trying to find a way to not have any pressure on my leg. It seemed impossible as I couldn’t really put much on the previously injured ones either. Sirius could see this and picked me up bridal style while trying to be conscious of how he was holding my newly damaged leg.

 Professor McGonagall put the boys in detention. They tried to defend themselves and blame Sirius and I for the powder, but Minnie didn’t pay attention to them and cleaned it up with a simple spell.

 “Now for you two. Although this is not the first time you’ve been involved in creating a mess like this, I’m sure it will be the last.” She gestured to my injury.

 “Absolutely, Professor. I can assure you, I’ll do anything to keep Y/N from getting hurt again.” Sirius said. I smiled up at him.

 “Good. Now, Mr. Black, could you please take Miss. Y/L/N to the hospital wing? I would give you detention, but I’m sure you’ll have your time taken up from helping her get around.”

 “Of course.” Sirius said and began to walk in the direction of the hospital wing.

 “Y/N, I’m so sorry, I should’ve-”

 “Sirius, it’s not your fault.”

“But I could’ve-”

 “Don’t do that, okay? I’m fine. I just can’t walk. Besides, it’ll all be worth it when the powder kicks in and they wake up tomorrow with green hair.”

 He laughed, “You know what’s even better? Minnie got rid of any evidence that it was us who did it.”

 “So other than my messed up leg, it was a pretty successful prank.”

 “Yeah, I guess it was.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N: Sorry for the shitty ending😂but as I mentioned before, WRITER’S BLOCK. Anyway, send in requests and asked to be tagged.

Taglist (All Stories):

@latenightbooknerd

#sirius black #young sirius black #sirius x reader #sirius #x reader #marauder era #imagine #marauders era #marauders #harry potter universe #reader insert #reader imagine #remus lupin #young remus lupin #peter pettigrew #young peter pettigrew #lily evans #james potter #crutches #one-shot

[icantedit-blog1]

The deprecation of human nature

When shit goes down and the world bacically ends, you seem to think to your self that nothing really matters, time, currency, language, nothing. Its all just made up. When you're in the middle of a zombie appocolyps, haven't seen anyone for mouths and the last people that you saw was your family, getting their necks chomped by your best mates, you start to wonder about what really matters. If you're wondering why im telling you this depressing stuff that will probably give you an existential crisis, let me take you back to the start, where shit truely went down. It was the day after my birthday and i was sitting at home, playing on my new console, with my best mates. My mum told me to go to the shops to get some milk, but thats when it happened, remember the hole chomping thing? Sometimes i feel if i would've been a stubborn little bastard like i normally was, i could've died with them insted of living in this hell hole. Theres nothing i can do anymore, i seem to be the last one on earth, which is funny because if you could see me you'd probably think, how could that little, long blond haired, dirty, freak show of a teenager get this far? No point asking me because i dont know either. Come to think of it i should probabluy get out of this "public toilet" before speedy mageedy out there, comes in and carves my neck like a fat guy that can't wait to eat his christmas dinner. Being a little guy has its moments, especially when you cn fit through a tiny toiley widow...probably no bigger than a toilet its self. You may think a toilet isnt the best place to hide, but these zombies are somthing else, for some reason they can smell you from a mile away. Thank fuck dartford park toilets still stink like piss and sweat months after no one has used them (and that's only the ladys) Oh and by the way i may have covered myself in some shit on the way out, now before you stop reading let me ask you something, even if you wanted to die, would you smother your self in shit so you can go find someone before you go even more mental then you are right now? And that's not me calling you mental so don't get triggered like the hole of facebook when a gorialla died. By now you would've fault that ive searched the hole of this town looking for people and you'd be right, the only reason im still here is because its all i have to remember my friends and family. Unlike the movies my family didnt, care to give me a heart locket with our pictures in it, so if you wanna read that kind of soppy shit, go find a dead girl's diary because all you're going to get with me is depressing shit. I just hope that one day people will actually come here, thats quite unlikely though. i dont even know why im writing in you because even if i do get attact and killed, theres no one to read my story and even if people do all its going to do is depress them, i guess thats all im really good for, anyway i'm saying all this stuff about wanting to die but i'm just contradicting myself, whenever i see one of those freaks of nature, i either kill it or run, i can't just stand there and let it take me otherwise im just as much of a wimp as you probably think i am. its been a few more days since i've wrote in you now, shit when down just after i left the toilet. The creepy cunt still court me, its definaltly not the best to clim head first out a window. but oh well i have my way of escape, or at least i thought i did but slowly over time the zombies seem to be evolving, at first they was slow zombies but over time they've been getting faster, harder to run from. The bathroom one especially. I use to be able to clime over fences to get away but they've been getting stonger, faster and for zombies, cleavier. This one just climed over the fence, still not as fast as i can but they're getting better, or should i say worse. I finally got away from it but this towns filled with them and as good as i am killing them, i dont want to use the gun to attract more of them so unless i find a good silent wepon, i think i have to keep running and hiding round this town. Anyway after i ditched that one, i looked for a better wepon, but thats where the trouble came from. As i was looking in a block of flats, near the park, to see if there was any wopons. I was on the top floor and on my last flat, i bacically gave up hope. I stood looking out the window, knowing that i was probably going to die soon. Then l heard this growl from behind me, i slowly turned round in fear, hoping the it didn't attack, my hands was shaking, breathing sounded louder than a festival. When i got far enough to see what was behind me, all i saw was a little girl, just staring at me. I didnt want to but i had to kill her, You know what they say, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. Unfortunatly the thing i had to do was kill a little girl, that really didnt deserve what she had done to her. Oddly she looked fresh, the massive chunk on her neck looked like it only just been bitten, thats what made it worse to do this, she then realised that i wasn't just a pile of shit standing there and lept for me, before i could even think i shot her in the head, her courps just flung back and hit the floor in a bloody mess. I had to leave as soon as i could, feeling like more of a descrase of a person than i already was. That day really didnt go well for me. The next day was a lot worse. So far you've only seen a single zombie at a time but if you go to temple hill, its full of them and i mean full of them, if you ask me why they're so attrected to it, i'd say it probably has something to do with the smell. The night before i found a good spot that use to be a restaurant, to rest in, not that i really do that anymore becuase im always in fear of being eaten in my sleep but i tried to get a few hours. I woke up just as the nucular sun was rising and got up and out of there as soon as possible. When the human race is bacically wiped of the face of the planet and the ones that survive are trying to survive, no one cares anymore about petrol garages, nucluar plants and other things like that. What the movies tell you about them magically staying up is wrong. I've already had a garage blow up in this town and it was hard enough in the 1st week, with the slow zombies but now they're getting stronger, i was definatly not prepaired for what was about to come. Obviously i was hungery so i decided to go find some food after i woke up. as i was looking though the petrol garage to see if they had anything. I could'nt find anything in the frount because at the start of this people thought they was going to servive and ran in to shops like packs of savige animals. I went to look in the back because it was locked and i thought they would've had something in there, boy was i right. I knocked down the door by running into it with my shoulder, not as easy as those ass hole action movies made it out to be, it hurts like shit. When i got into it i could'nt believe my eyes, it was full of food, it may have just been caned food but why should i give a shit. i stuffed my bag with a good amount to carry and still be able to run, i locked the door with a chain i found outside and kept the key on me, so none of those flesh eating fuckers could get in and jump scare me when i go back. As i walking away all i heard was a massive expslotion and felt heat just hit the back of my head that knock me to the ground. I dont know weather i triped a wire or it just happened like the other one all i knew is it was going to attract a lot of them creeps. The only up side is that it may attract people, but then again i dont think i could talk to another person, its been so long. I got out of there as fast as i could but no fast enough. I didn't use my instinks and just turned a coner. There was too many to imagein coming from temple hill, they charged at me, with a hungry gave in there eyes. I had to run and try to lose them. I was going to use my gun but i only had 3 bullets left and i was going to save them just incase one of them pounsed at me or in worce case sinario, bit me, so i could take out one last zombie before i died. I rapidly turnt corners because they can't do it very well and its good to make distance from them as they're getting faster. I tried not to climb because it does wear me out too fast and i knew it was going to take a while to escape from this huld of zombie. After 5 minuets of non-stop running i lost about three quorters but the ones that was still on me was pasistent. I heded towards the lakes to lose the rest of them. I thought i lost them by climbing a tree and to my understanding it worked, they all ran past thinking i continued forwards. I waiting a couple of minuets to jump down the tree, as I went to jump down the branch i was on snaped. I know what you're saying, typical that it happened, but it did. I wasn't too high up, so i only landed with slight cuts on my hands and my legs hurt a bit. unfortuanty a near by zombie hurd me. With out me even being able to think the zombie darted at me, it grabed my leg and pulled me closer too it. I tried kicking it in the face but somehow it cought my foot its it gastly mouth and bit it, it hurt like no pain i could ever imagen. I pulled my gun out of my holster and shot it. For once i tried to copie the movies and take my foot off. Without debating it i shoot the bone just above my ancle twise and pulled my foot off. The pain was unbareable, so unbareable i fainted. As i fained, My brain whent into over drive, my life flashed before my eyes, i looked back onto everything i took for granted, my mum, my dad, friends, school, everyone and everything. Looking back i was such an ass hole. - Sorry about any spelling or grammar mistakes it only rough atm