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kimbap-r0ll · 2 years

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Hiiii! Hope your doing good! If you don't mind and have time can you do a comfort headcanons or anything with dorm leaders! I could really use some comfort rn my puppy died 4 days ago. A truck ran over her and I still can't accept that she's gone. I feel like she'll come back but ik she won't. And I am sorry for venting.

Hello, I'm doing pretty well. I'm sorry for the loss, and no worries, it didn't feel like a vent at all. I just wrote general comfort headcanons for this one, hope you like it and hope you feel better soon as well.

Dorm leaders comfort headcanons

Riddle

He's super awkward with comfort tbh because he himself never got comforted when he was young ;-;. That doesn't mean he won't try though, and he really does!

He usually does it when you two are alone. He might just hug you tightly, no words and just holding you. You can listen to his heartbeat if you want to as well.

If you are crying, he won't ask you why and instead he'll give you some space. If you ask him to help, he'll sit by and run his fingers through your hair, wiping your tears away gently.

He's going to be available for you almost at all times. You might think he's super busy being a dorm leader, but his priority is making sure you are okay. He might invite you to play with some hedgehogs to make you feel better too!

Leona

He's so awkward with comfort as well ;-;. But he asks himself what would comfort him the most and the answer happens to be sleeping. So, expect lots of naps!

If you're feeling sad or stressed, he'll just pick you up and place you next to him while he goes to sleep. He tells you to relax and wraps an arm around you, closing his eyes. Good luck escaping his grip btw haha

He can't comfort you well on the outside, and his words might come out harsh instead of helpful. But know that he's trying, and most of the times he'll comfort you through actions. If you look stressed in public, he'll help you discreetly by wrapping his tail on your leg.

He lets you rest your head on his chest when the two of you are together. You can doze off while listening to his heartbeat, he won't push you off even if he needs to go. He just wants you to get enough rest.

Azul

He too doesn't know how to comfort others well. He was bullied growing up and he's more comfortable with revenge. He might offer that to you at first but seeing you get more upset he just throws that idea out the window.

He's someone who hates seeing you cry. He'll wrap himself around you and whisper sweet nothings. He kisses the top of your head while holding you tightly. He does this mostly in private, but if you need to be comforted out in public, he'll move you out of the crowd and somewhere where you two don't have peering eyes.

He won't ask you what you are upset about after a few days. He just wants you to know that you can trust him and that you can rely on him when you need help. He holds your hand whenever you two are going somewhere together for a while, he's literally so clingy to help you feel better haha.

Overall, he's trying his best. If you need to cry, you can cry on his shoulder. If you want to get revenge? No contract needed!

Kalim

Probably the best at comfort out of all of the dorm leaders lol. He'll know something's wrong even before you break out into tears.

Kalim will ask you at first what's wrong but he won't push it. He'll quickly open his arms so you can hug him and he'll be busy wiping your tears away and saying kind words to you. He'll pull an all-nighter if he needs to for you!

Kalim knows that food usually makes people feel better. Kalim will try to make your favorite food, only for Jamil to enter and help Kalim out in the end. He surprises you in your room with the food and basically is like the sun when he sees you.

He's the brightest sunshine, and you can feel better when you're around him. He'll take you for a ride on the magic carpet if you want to as well. Besides, the wind in your hair most likely will make you feel better (not to mention the beautiful sky!).

Vil

He's usually so cold it's hard to imagine how he would comfort anyone. When he sees you upset, he panics a little since he knows that he's not the best with comfort. He might hurt you at first because he doesn't know how to comfort you well.

He'll ask Rook for help, and Rook tells him to just "act soft," whatever that means. Vil sighs and ends up approaching you quietly. He'll hug you, whispering sweet nothings while brushing your hair out of your face. He kisses the top of your head, your cheeks. He's surprised that he's actually not that bad at doing soft things haha.

Once you feel a bit better, he'll offer you to do skincare with him. Besides, doing self-care together is always fun. He does your hair in the end, and you can do his as well. It makes you forget about what was making you feel bad for a bit, and it makes you feel a bit brighter.

He'll check up on you from time to time after a few days. If someone made you feel bad btw, expect them to not show up to school for a few weeks (poison).

Idia

He's panicking. He hates seeing you sad, but he has no idea how to help! He ends up stuttering if you're alright and holding your hands. Ortho comes by and ends up latching himself on you as well. The siblings are basically asking together if you're okay haha.

Afterwards, Idia might just cuddle with you for a bit. You guys will be close together, and if you're crying he's brushing your tears away. He doesn't say much because he doesn't know what to say, but he's rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb while one arm is around you.

After you feel a little better, he'll ask if you want to watch a comfort anime of his or play some calmer video games (*cough* Animal Crossing *cough*). The two of you end up pulling an all-nighter while doing any of these activities haha.

He hates seeing you with a frown or crying, and he wants to do everything to make you feel better. Though he's scared to do much in public, he'll help you calm down at anytime of the day.

Malleus

He's so stoic, but he's a softie on the inside. He doesn't know comfort very well, but he's read books about it. Seeing you cry, he asks you what the matter is. If you don't answer, he won't push it and instead will just hug you.

He'll move you out of others' eyes if you two are in public and let you listen to his heartbeat, holding you close. He'll place a hand on your head and smooth your hair. He kisses your knuckles while comforting you too.

He won't ever ask you about it if you don't want to, and instead he'll try to place your attention on something else. The two of you go on walks late at night, and he might ask for a waltz in the woods at some point too, it always made you happy when you danced with him.

Overall, expect a lot of silent hugging, cuddling, etc. He's super calming too. If someone was behind making you upset, well, let's hope they aren't cursed for life.

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griefabyss69 · 7 months

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@zombiethingy and @steddieas-shegoes both tagged me!!! Thanks for the tags <3 <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25! All from this year <3 6 of them are microfics but everything else is around 1K - 21K! I've never in my life written this much lmao

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

129,098! That's a lot for me <3

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far just Stranger Things!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Still Motion (Paraphilia 01)

Last Man Standing (First fic in the LARP AU series)

Between Light and Darkness (First in the Vampire Eddie series)

Acceptance and Negation (Paraphilia 02)

Hell Patrol (First in the Apocalypse AU series)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes!!! There's only one or two I didn't and that's because they were rude

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think any of mine have an angsty ending tbh... Mostly because I write a lot of porn but also because even when I write for myself to vent there needs to be a way through all of the horrible shit. Otherwise I'm just adding stress to my life!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say they're all fairly happy with a similar type of end goal! HOWEVER....... there's one I have planned that might stand above the rest in terms of happy endings, but it's like... a long term project that I have no idea when I'm even going to properly start.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far I haven't! I usually moderate comments, and the rude ones I got were more of the 'you clearly missed the mark of what I wrote' or not finding a polite/nice way of asking me to continue writing the fic

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! The realistically unrealistic kind! Also, usually involves some kind of BDSM or kink related thing.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I won't say I'll never do it but I don't even have another fandom I'd be willing to write for at this time, let alone smash them together.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, unless I haven't come across it! I think it's cool if someone gets inspired by something I write though, especially anything that's not already common in ST fandom!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but it'd be cool if someone wants to!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't! I've like.... done a lot of yelling about potential things to write though. I have a lot of WIPs because of some of you LMAO I think the actual writing part of things is a very solitary activity for me usually, but I'm open to trying something short and sweet with someone (if things like time and energy line up as well)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Steddie, if we don't consider fandoms I'm no longer actively reading things for! However I'm pretty easy to please, I love Steve and Eddie as characters and so seeing them in other ships (like Stommy and Hellcheer or a threesome version etc) is always a good time!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have two fics I started writing before I wrote the first one I published. They're important to me and also my writing has changed so much that I'm scared to even try editing them, because I don't want them to lose that specific thing they have that I might not be able to conjure back up.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Tension, when I get it right, it becomes the best thing about what I've written, no matter what the context is! Also I keep finding I write gay sex between two friends who are in love but just haven't Gotten To That Part yet, so I'd also say an emotional slowburn but a sexual flashfire.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Outlining, keeping up with motivation if I at all try to organize or plan in on purpose. I have to trick myself, like hiding a little pill in a piece of cheese, in order to have planning and organization in a fic. That's part of the reason why I operate in series instead of really long multi-chapter fics, because that's one way I can hide the pill from myself.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I haven't ever and I don't know if I'd be confident enough in my resources to do that! But it's cool when other people do.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

...so I was like 11 years old writing Inuyasha and Kagome...

ST is the first fandom I've published for in over a decade AND it's the first fandom that I've published more than one fic for.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

That's really hard to answer. I really like a lot of aspects from all of them! Dive (microfic, july prompt "pool", body worship) was my favourite for ages, though. And it's still my fave microfic for sure!!

Acceptance and Negation might be my favourite longer fic, there's just something about the antagonism and complicated feelings about being so horny over everything that I find really fun to write!

No pressure tags!!!! @vecnuthy @wormdebut @hbyrde36 @penny00dreadful @stobinesque and anyone who wants to do it! <3

#fun things #chats from the abyss

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shytastemakerthing · 5 months

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heyyy can i get a romantic matchup? ID REALLY LIKE AN ENSTARS ONE but if u dont do those, a twst one is good :3

im kitten, i dont use pronouns (so just use my name). i dont use labels either, but im feminine. im 17 (so nobody younger than me pls!!), currently in IT classes, 162cm, virgo and entp/intp. also 8w9

umm Im a vampirekin and have a strong affiliation w rabbits and cats. i can be really blunt (sometimes i dont mean it sometimes i do) and am pretty aggressive. i love play-fighting w friends and getting into joke arguments nd stuff.

i hate hatee having 2 give advice like I cant deal w ppl venting 2 me. I can b rude Mostly jut since if i dont like you 4 whatever reason Im not going to hide it Im just not going 2 Be nice. Cuz of this I dont get approached a lot bc ppl say i look mad/intimidating a lot!!!

VERY umm bimbo oriented. very clumsy, Very bad memory and attention span, But who cares I love acting cute and acting pretty and stuff. I love cute things tbhgd sm and I just want 2 squeeze. Cute ppl. As a bimbo i still Have my days 💔where im just Depressed man and Thats most days. but i am good at Just Living and Not acting like that..! Tho when im Very bad w mental health I tend 2 just get sick and not leave my bed and just cut everyone off LOLL

Any ways I love fashion and dressing cute and DESIGNING CLOTHES!!!! I love designing plushies and characters and stuff I need like a creative output and I have 34983 ways of that (designing plushies, characters, outfits ect. sewing, vtuber rigging, sculpting, painting, ect). i usually dress in v-kei, gyaru (kogal), ouji and lolita.

i love any love languages recieving tbh Maybe like words of affirmation I need lots of reminding that they R a willing participant of this Relationship. PERSONALLY i lvoe spending time and doing acts of service, im rlly Not an affectionate person so im probably not going to initiate physical contact and Im RLLY bad with words so im not probably going to do words of affirmation either .......

Hmmmm what else I love music. so much different types. breakcore, classical, eurobeat, game osts, pop rock, industrial metal, esp anything super weird and experimental.

jut stuff i likee would be active cities, being clean, good food, nighttime, CATS AND BUNNIES, pigeons<3, (i want to own a pet cat, bunnies and a pigeon lol), collecting things and baking

i DISLIKE dogs (despite being pretty dog-aligned by personality), my room having any sun in it, dirty/messy/gross ppl. i hatee violence sm I get uncomfortable hearing or seeing ppl/animals get hurt Its just gross and scary.

abt relationships ... I will die for my Partner i will straight up Fight someone for them. idc if they r bad person or if They did a crime rlly Thats so girlboss of them . I want to go out a lot on dates and stuff I dont wanna just go to the same places I want 2 explore and go to new places nd stuff. also Ermmm i dont rlly wanna Date someone shorter thn me Like. They just look like a child at that point..

thx :3 sawrry i wrote a lot lolz. lolll tyy So muh

A/N: Hello and thank you for your request! Don't worry about it being so long, the more information that I have to work with then the better! It only lets me get even more ideas for a match-up! Speaking of, I do hope that you like yours and enjoy!

Tw: None

I match you with.........

Ritsu Sakuma

From one vampire to another, you both are quite literally made for each other in that regard. He sees you and he can feel warmth flooding through his ice cold veins, how the moonlight illuminates your figure makes you look just ethereal. He is stunned into silence but soon regains himself and Ritsu can't help but to approach you.

Now given his sleeping patterns, it is a little hard for the both of you to meet up for any kind of outings, these would mostly be happening later in the evening and into the night given his aversion to sunlight, but he manages to work his schedule just right between his unit work and when he sleeps. He will always make time for you.

Another cat lover! Perhaps the both of you would like to go to a cat cafe for one of your dates? It would be something that he would find both enjoyable and relaxing, especially if you get to be there with him.

His schedule is quite busy sometimes given the work he has with his unit, Knights, but if you would like, you could always join him when they have practices and lives. Honestly, the thought of you being in the crowd and cheering him on makes this young vampire smile.

Speaking of his unit, the others absolutely adore you and they protect their own, and given that they now see you as one of their own, they will protect you just as you protect Ritsu. It is what a Knight does, after all.

Ritsu is big on giving you those words of affirmation. He may not be too much of a talker, and he really isn't that down on himself, but he would never want you to be down on yourself. He wants you to know that he is committed to this relationship no matter what it takes.

Overall, two vampires are able to join each other under the light of the moon. It is something that he will always love. With your similar interests and hobbies, it just makes the time that you spend with one another so much better and so much sweeter.

#enstars #ensemble stars #enstars ritsu #enstars ritsu sakuma #ensemble stars ritsu sakuma #ritsu sakuma x reader #ritsu sakuma #ensemble stars ritsu sakuma x reader #romantic #matchups #shy answers #shy writes

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fonulyn · 1 year

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3 fic questions:

1: Which fic took you the longest to write?

2: Which fic did you have the most fun writing?

3: Which fic was the "fine! I'll do it myself!" fic?

ohhhh these are so hard :'D but let's try!

...and I'm gonna apologize in advance because two and three are gonna have so many answers, but I've literally written over 200 RE fics so it's impossible for me to choose 😅 i'm sorry and bear with me.

only the courage to continue counts (Piers/Leon, re4 au, past!Krauser/Leon)

this one was easy lol. it took me a long long time mostly because it's 93k, which is like three times as long as my next longest fic. simply getting out that many words took a while! also, I almost gave up after chapter 4 because literally no one was reading it and I wondered if it's worth it to keep going. had a good cry about it, lol, and angsted about it for a bit. but re4 is my favorite (surprise!) so I decided it'd be worth it. and honestly? I think it was. it's a good fic. I'm happy with how it turned out. ...but i don't think i have another this long fic in me tbh, i just can't do it alone.

2. this is trickier because there's so many :'D first, the entire pinnacle of self-indulgence series because it's what I return to when I want something low-stress, no expectations, where I can just have them be as domestic as I want. it hasn't always been tons of fun, because sometimes i use it to vent other feels, but it means a lot to me.

smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth was also tons of fun, making Piers put his foot in his mouth repeatedly just because of how into Leon he is? :'D it still makes me grin lol.

also the other maybe-a-little-cracky-ones; maybe he's born with it (the is Leon a true blond??? fic), the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair (the Piers stress-braids Leon's hair fic), and how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris "dad" and gets sorta adopted by him and Leon) - idk i guess I really enjoy writing stuff that's not exactly very serious :'D

i also had a shitton of fun writing three words to last forever, even if two of its three endings have major character death in them lol. but i've always wanted to do a choose-your-own-ending fic! so it was super fun! if i had the energy i would love to do another where you get to choose different paths, but they all lead to the same ending eventually.

others I had tons of fun writing include winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) where Piers and Leon vacation in Finland (yay!), you're feeding the fire within me where they get a dose of Rebecca's new Super-Viagra (a sex-pollen fic lol), driving deep into your heart which is a completely random au where Piers is a motorcycle racer :'D, carpe diem (seize the day) which is a smutty genderswap fic, and fall in love so easy where Leon learns he enjoys being called pet-names.

i'm just gonna stop now because otherwise I'm gonna end up listing twenty more. but honestly, like I said before, I've written 200+ RE fics so :'D this is hard lmao. I genuinely like most fics I've written. and I genuinely enjoyed writing most of them. I'm sorry this is such a non-answer :'D

3. this also has the potential to become a mess like question number two lmao. the vast majority of what I write is "fine! I'll do it myself!" fics. like, almost every single Piers/Leon fic I've written belongs in this category since, well, if I don't no one will :'D also a lot of my Krauser/Leon are things I wanted but didn't find (although I gotta give a shoutout to the pair in general, there are a lot of quality metaltango fics out there that I could never do).

aside from that, after scrolling through my fics, I realized most of the fics I wrote after not finding what I wanted to read are ...porn :'D lmao I often go look for something specific, don't find it, and have no choice but to do it myself!

as examples, I am the light that shall lead you to darkness (Wesker/Chris dubcon, I just wanted Chris to get nailed lmao), without hope, without fear (Jason/Leon monsterfucking, and I gotta say, I'm still bummed the pairing didn't take off at all it's got all kinds of potential goddamnit [also I keep wanting to write another of these two but ehhh] but i won't rant more here), on an all time high (Leon/Queen Plaga, I just... had a major need :'D), lost control (Leon/Lickers, what can I say, I had a major need lmaooo), kiss before the fall (Jake/Piers, this pairing deserves so much more love ok), ravishing (Chris/Jill, I just wanted Jill worshipped ok, and there's another similar one rattling in my brain but I haven't gotten to writing it, idk if i ever will).

so like. smut :'D apparently I have specific likes and have to cater to myself lmao.

OKAY BUT now I'll shut up for real. thank you for the ask! gave me a perfect excuse to reread my own fics lol. and I'm sorry for such non-answers :'D I just can't choose lol.

#anonymous #ask and i shall answer #me and my fics #looots of fics lmao

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leafannarchive · 1 year

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new year’s eve - run it back 😼

i’m copying scoops @scoops404 again because this was her idea originally!! i put this on my twitter already but i wanna have it on tumblr too SO here’s my 2022 fic rank and recap. i’m putting them under the cut because i simply wrote so much this year it was insane.

i loved all my fics this year, and thank you if you’ve read even one of my fics. it means the absolute world to me. i have so many things i still want to do so. here’s to 2023 and more insane dnf writing 🫶

19. i could easily lose my mind

part 8 of the pro soccer dnf series!! it was my first step back into the “present” after the olympics fic. it’s cute but someone has to be last place :)

18. everything i need i get from you

more pro soccer dnf (part 9) and it’s the wedding fic!! it’s cute too, i just don’t love weddings. i struggled with this one a bit tbh but i wanted to get the wedding done and out of the way. i like how it came out in the end though!!

17. love you for a long time

this one is the light on sequel!! i had so much fun writing it because light on is so personal to me. obviously i’ve been to the places i write about in it and it’s always fun to revisit those trips. the universe itself is also incredibly fun to revisit

16. when it is hopeless i start to notice

pro soccer dnf again but this time it’s the olympics one so part 5. this one hurt so bad, like i cried rereading it. she’s good, she could be better. hope to improve on the international rivalry in a future fic :)

15. the universe works in mysterious ways

this one’s cute!! it’s a little bit of a vent about my apartment but with a much happier ending. it was my first shot at grad student george with streamer dream which obviously i just revisited these dynamics later and wrote something better, but this one is still worth a shot!!

14. follow what i’m feeling

this was the second meetup fic i wrote of three this summer. this one was based on some tiktoks about the inherent romance in friendship!! i look back on this one so fondly. i went on a walk to clear my head after writing the ending and then got back home and completely rewrote it (shoutout scoops for the help with this one)

13. they don’t know how special you are

this one was good, the first deeper look i gave into the pro soccer universe characters!! i like this one a lot but i’m docking points because i used a lot of stuff from a fic i wrote for a different fandom. idea recycle and even some scenarios in the fic were recycled and changed a bit.

12. it’s nice to have a friend

more pro soccer in college. i wrote a few different fics exploring snf’s friendship this year and this was one of them!! i think of them all, this was my least favorite which is why i put it here :)

11. you are in love

third meetup fic i wrote just before the actual meetup!! i love this one and i got to try out a nonlinear timeline. also i wrote about dream wearing a chain before we knew he does for sure. one of my highlights this year

10. that’s because i wanna be your favorite boy

mostly wrote this at the airport after missing a flight which turned into a whole mess (i’m sure some of u guys remember i got accused of plagiarism for this one 👺) BUT i think it’s a cute little college au that slays. i like the way i wrote dream coming out and how his friends and george react specifically :)

9. complete mess

OKAY this is a deviation. this is my snf fic and i actually love this premise. it’s cute, it’s fun, based on the morning lobbies and their little friend group. it was for a little challenge with some friends :)

8. one day i know that you will be there

my twist on how the dream team blew up but a long fic!! my baby girl going into 2022. disclaimer, i started this fic before george took to the internet and started talking about how much he hates editing 👍 it’s still fun though with lots of besties qnf and callahan.

7. he’s falling, i offer him my hand

my first meetup fic!! it recently hit 1k kudos so thank you all sm 🫶 man this one… i put a lot of my own loneliness into it, scenes from my experience living alone in 2022 and came up with something i love. this one has some nswf btw so. look out for that

6. for a while you were all mine

latest fic 😼 and this was my second attempt at grad student george streamer dream and i really really like this one!! good show of how i’ve improved this year i think

5. you and i

the pro soccer dnf origin story. i adored this fic, it was for the one year anniversary, it shows so much george character development. they are so important to me. this is my favorite pro soccer part of all time (part 7)

4. peace

pro hockey dnf. i saw the clip of george saying he played hockey and this was born. i stuck them on my favorite team and included some of my favorite hockey ship’s insane moments. perfect fic. showstopper. it’s also had art made for it twice which is EPIC ‼️

3. delicate

rivals (sort of one sided?) to lovers >:) basketball george and football dream at florida state. it is everything to me. the george, foolish, sapnap friendship dynamics were so fun to write. and background punznap!!!

2. tear in my heart

kidfic!! i love liam and i love what i did incorporating a/b/o as part of a challenge. i loved the time travel aspect. it was really really hard to pick between the last two. it’s a very close second :)

1. light on

and finally, dream’s birthday fic!! this one is so personal. it’s me and my life on display. it’s a love letter to my city. it’s coming to terms with growing up and changing. i love their relationship and i put so so much of myself into it plus getting to read all the comments of people relating too. i don’t know it just made me feel so nice.

#dnf #my fics

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wispered-dream · 20 days

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secret/quiet blog for discussing/venting current experiences. Not looking for followers/attention, though I don't mind followers/interaction

if you think you know my main and we're friendly, I don't mind interaction.

Answers to potential questions/concerns

What's going on?

Presence hallucinations. Dunno if they're just a thing now or if this is temporary

Why?

I dunno man. My life is weird, this might as well happen.

Doctor?

Complicated. Don't worry about it. If you want to express concern that severely, you can send me $5.

If you think I am in VERY strong danger and you think you can argue that well (especially if you think I am currently not lucid) go ahead, but expect a fair likelihood that I may be frustrated about it. Read the next point first.

Safety/Support?

I am absolutely blessed with a wonderful support network. While there are many ways I've been unlucky in life, I have several people regularly checking in and making sure I'm okay.

Delusions?

Mostly no, and what there is? Unrelated to the central content of this blog. Ptsd thing. Working on it.

* * *

So who are our actors?

There are two presences, one I sense on my left, one I sense on my right. Collectively I call them the Spirits, but the Left is the most active/responsive. If I use Spirit, singular, assume it's the Left One.

'Presences?'

You know that thing where when someone stands close to you or directly behind you? You can 'sense' them in some way? You might have had an error in perception with this walking down the sidewalk - thinking someone was approaching from behind you when no one was there.

That, all the time.

What do you think they are?

I am generally pretty lucid about the situation. I think they're a result of unfortunate brain physiology mixed with a long chain of trauma's. Not only do I understand that they're coming from my head and don't actual exist, they remind me of that quite often.

No I mean what diagnostic code would you use?

This blog is generally antipsychiatry, despite my fascination with the subject. Until symptomology worsens, I would call it a 'tentatively nonpathological abnormality'.

So why call them Spirits?

Because life is better when you embrace a little Whimsy, and "my hallucination" has tonal implications that don't feel right to me.

How literal are you when you use word "X"?

If I say 'Spirit told me to XYZ', it is most likely not just words, though those do happen sometimes. It's more like a large amount of imagery/emotions in the direction of a task or thought?

I like to use metaphors because if I wrote 'a series of imagery that feels associated with the presence gave me an impression that... ' this blog would be a bunch of long paragraphs.

Just roll with the metaphors.

What if I'm concerned you're being more literal than metaphorical? Or experiencing paranoia/delusions?

You have my permission to comment Delusion Check or dlc on posts you think I should re-examine. Please limit this to things you think are harmful/stressful.

* * *

What are they like?

Full of warmth and love I can barely begin to describe. Very supportive, very protective, very kind.

Is it scary?

See prior point. My experience is very positive, but I am nervous about future progression and structural prejudice.

So far it's been quite palative

Can you see them?

"Yes". It feels more... internally perceived? Distinct from reality, like something I am visualizing that stays persistent and outside of my control. Reminiscent of psychedelics, tbh.

Do they have opinions? How do they express them, how do you perceive them?

They are 'extentions of me', and that is obvious in their valence towards different topics which often (though not always, usually as a mattee of degree) matches my own. It may be more accurate to say that they express feelings that were previously 'just held by myself'.

When I say they opine, it is a series of sensations that amount to an overall valence on a topic. Sometimes multiple sentences or words. If I quote them, think of it more as a summary than a literal quote.

Spirit opines occasionally - much as how she 'tells me things', this is sometimes with words, often as other sensations including emotions and imagery. The Other Spirit very rarely opines, but when she does, she is either wordy or firm.

Left Spirit is more creative and likes music, Right Spirit [The Other One] is more logical. I find this quite interesting, though I presume it's coincidence.

When Spirit is very active and enjoying music she dances and it warms my heart.

Do they do other things?

Especially when I'm sleep deprived, Spirit will move and do simple things, mostly just standing/sitting. She seems to favor being between -70° to -20° of my right eye.

What do you mean by 'active' or 'bored'? Or 'happy'?

When they are 'quiet' my awareness of them is just as presences. When they are active, they are more likely to opine, 'manifest' visually, and otherwise have associated sensations.

Can you control them?

They tend to be more active when I am tired or stressed; this does not surprise me at all haha.

When they're 'bored' they will either be sensory craving, or they might do silly idle behaviors or otherwise seem to want my attention. When they're happy, they express lots of happy feelings lol - it's that simple.

Left Spirit is quite vocal when she is happy about something (especially music).

To me they feel like out of control visualizations. I can alter them or imagine their location moved, but this just feels like imagining figures moving around the environment. For instance, I can imagine Spirit standing tiny on my desk, but the 'presence' returned to its 'perch'. I haven't had reason to try force them to stop, and they're amenable to annoyance.

Perch?

When quiet the Left Spirit/presence 'idles' behind my shoulder. The Right Spirit idles on the top of my right shoulder, close to under my ear.

Left Spirit will make an attempt to consider physics and stand slightly to the side if mass is 'in the way'. The presence "clipping" through mass feels uncomfortable in the way optical illusions can feel uncomfortable.

* * *

Spirituality?

My Spirituality is complicated. I am a skeptic and the universe likes to make fun of me for it.

Magic?

I enjoy meditations and activities like tarot. The way I describe it is I ask the universe questions in meditations, and it sends me back answers.

I've been told I'm good at tarot, and I like doing readings for people. While I greatly appreciate tips, I feel uncomfortable charging for such.

I read with both standard tarot decks and a deck of my own that is an eternal work in progress. My deck is cooler.

Ask me about your Swords.

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cosmic-nightglow · 7 months

Text

About Us

Polyfragmented/complex DID system

17 years old

They/she/he pronouns collectively

If unsure who is fronting just call us Elyxir

AuDHD

hEDS, POTS

Currently on our SP we have just over 60 parts logged however at the start of the year Juniper decided to make a new SP account and so now we are slowly bringing the parts from the old one to the new one (smart choice Junie made though cause the formatting was a mess) but we know that there is well over 100 probably over 200 even so basically we have shitton of parts but half the time they aren't even logged on PK or SP. Like there are ones who wrote notes and what not but did not log themselves on SP so truly the alter count is fuck this shit there's too many.

We're also introject heavy (yay fiction our only escape from the world for the first 10 years of our life and then yay fifth harmony our next means of escape /s. we all agree on one thing collectively, fifth harmony, we love the girls)

Don't really care for syscourse (we enjoy hearing the different opinions and occasionally may wish to voice ours but don't care too much for it if you get what I'm saying)

Stance on endos: don't really care, they're experience is greatly different to ours, as long as they understand that what they experience is different to what we experience and they don't spread misinformation (intentionally. unintentional misinfo is different and easily spread) we're chill with them cause who knows maybe there is a scientific explanation for them but we don't care that much tbh. We're not gonna go out of or way to get mad at y'all even though sometimes we're like "hmmm is this really a thing?" mostly just as long as endos stay in their space and don't try to invade ours we're chill.

Some parts are more anti-endo than others, some parts are more neutral and some parts may be completely chill with endos, genuinely it completely depends on the part.

We'll trigger tag stuff as TW topic. This will go for vents in general, the ent will be tagged TW vent along with any other potentially triggering topics.

We'll tag any basic triggering topics (if we don't tag one we should just send us a dm or ask to let us know cause we probs didn't realise)

DNI:

Basic DNI

fakeclaimers

honestly really thats it tbh

We'll probably also bitch about shit a lot, mostly drama at school though cause damn does that shit get messy quick and annoying.

Might end up updating this shit with more info later (sorry bout any typos but not really sorry I just don't give enough of a fuck to proofread)

Frequent Fronters below the line

Juniper, 8-15, She/they, Lesbian, Host, Fictional Introject, Part of the Terrorised Stories Subsystem

Augustine, 17, She/they, Lesbian, Host, Fictional Introject

Lauren, 18-27, She/her, Bi, Protector, Soother, Trauma Holder, Factual Introject, Part of Moon Line Subsystem

Camila, 18-26, She/her, Lesbian, Protector, Factual Introject

LJ, 17, She/he/they/mera/lun/leaf, Bi, Soother, Factual Introject

Karla Camila (Karla, KC), 16, She/her, Lesbian, Soother, Factual Introject

And since I'm in front I'll add info about myself despite not being a frequent fronter

Maeve/Finn, Late teens, They/it/vamp/spiri, IDK my sexuality, Persecutor

#complex did #c-did #polyfrag system #did system #traumagenic system #dissociative identity disorder #polyfragmented #polyfrag did #c did #complex ptsd #cptsd #complex dissociative disorder #polyfragmented did #polyfragmented system #cdd #cdid #did #polyfrag

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ram-de · 9 months

Text

my usual tuesday kinda day

oh wow, look who's here. me again. venting, thinking i'm going to have some reflective introspection moment only to get back and let myself fall deeper into the hole i dig myself. exactly. i know what i'm doing. and i can't even blame my home or my family. because i'm given space and time and all the warm comfort i needed. it's all me. i could blame my habit or some kind of mental illness but i'm not diagnosed and at this point that's just me trying to pick at something to blame.

i wrote a lot about how i'm so flawed and complain about myself and my life a lot. but there's not enough guilt. maybe i felt guilty when i wrote it, but all of it gone when i slept. the morning always fresh, though a bit clueless with all the options of what kind of distraction i'm going to sink deep into.

i've tried books. i don't read books, but if it's a distraction, i can dedicate weeks switching books. i've tried manga. andi i liked mangas, all the tropes and all the pretty art of works that i mostly read pirated because... i'm not exactly working and i don't know if i could afford subscription prices. i should work and let myself face the reality of how hard it is to make money but here i am. talking big and doing nothing. what else have i tried. oh. i've tried games, too. rhythm games, genshin and later on honkai. they're fun and immersive. i've tried netflix, movies or shows in general. and since i'm a marathon kind of guy, what else is there to do than to binge watch most of the series i found interesting?

i've tried lots but not anything productively. well, i tried doing doodling and sketching random things as a hobby. couldn't commit. what else? huh... i don't remember most of it. look at that. i haven't tried much. i didn't do things to improve myself. and no matter how long of a paragraphs i could write about how i really wanted to improve. i don't know if myself would commit to it. that's how much i don't believe in what i could do. 'coz it's so easy for me to bail. to ditch. to leave. to run away. to postpone. to be still. stagnant.

i'm such a hypocrite. fuck myself, am i right. fuck it all. but i can't afford to fuck it all life like that. because... because i spent time pursuing academics... and... and... it's just... i should be more desperate to run past the finishing line. but instead it's more of a whatever-ish kind of vibes from myself. it's so. weird.

it's easy to imagine how liberating doing such an fuck it all moves in life. i can't do fuck it all for a final year project of college because else how can't i graduate?! i can't do fuck it all for post-graduation plans because how else can i get a job? i can't do fuck it all for even coming out and saying i'm gay because i don't have a job and also i don't want to like be apart of my family and be estranged for it. i can't do fuck it all for shaving my head because i'm too much of a coward to make it like a symbolic kind of acts to make a fresh things to start my life with, and for me to just think of it like leaving my burden away with the hair being shed and cut. i can't do fuck it all because maybe i don't want to fuck life itself. i have hopes. but fuck me for not holding onto that strong enough to push myself forward. to force me to walk and do stuff. fuck it all. i said. fuck it...

what even i'm saying. i had this outline in my head about how i want to start the post of vent. so basically. i watched two seasons of the white lotus and it's such a good show. tense. funny. s1 definitely funnier than s2. it's so unhinged it's good. and ahem theo james. yes. um. what? no. i mean, i love series with ensemble cast. and the way it all lead up into the chaos that is the finale? *chef kiss* methinks.

okay, what else. ok prelude done. uh... then i was going to link it with why i was watching the white lotus in the first place. yes, yes. i was thinking of a show that is similiar to nine perfect strangers. and this one shows up right there. better, tbh. so... yep. and why was i watching nine perfect strangers in the first place? well, i was looking for bobby cannavale's other works since i liked his character in the station agent, joe. i think. i wrote a post about it. thinking it's going to be my. like. last movie before i face the world and my problems that i hid under my bed. and look am i here! you know what, why was i watching that in the first place? well, because i was watching kembang api on netflix, and was downright UNDERWHELMED by it. like. really. zero chemistry whatsoever. I'M NOT HATING ON LOCAL MOVIES!! i was intrigued by this movie and the premise. time loop? yea i'm a time loop trope enthusiast. ensemble cast? (i mean it's like 4, but still they're strangers) ok yea i like that too. and yea whatever. why was i watching this movie in the first place? becasue i was tired reading books.

and why was i reading books in the first place. exactly. distraction. fuck me.

ugh. i could talk about it for hours!!!! i should talk about it, actually. but like. with real people. not a void. but i like the void too.

currently? i'm thinking of what kind of lines i'm going to write? am i leaning into the oh i'm so scared of myself and the future or, would it be more into the well i don't think i cared anymore or stuff like that. but then i ended up thinking about what am i going to write? how do i want to be perceived when someone reads this like duh this is a venting blog no one is supposed to read this.

whatever...

how can i practice self-compassion when i'm so ignorant to my own responsibility? when i basically ditched myself? when i... i let myself be in this kind of situation again and again. there's no solution to a problem that i am not willing to work to solve. am i not willing? i'd like to think i am but i don't know how. no, scratch that. i am too ignorant to be willing. i don't know anymore.

maybe it's my hungry stomach writing. whatever... ugh... i'm reminded on the monthly reflection thing and the monthly spotify playlist too. see how commited i am to it whole? ahh....

#ramblingrams

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bqstqnbruin · 2 years

Note

hiiii i'm popping in to vent and felt like sharing here would be a good start, as i currently find it difficult to verbalize a lot of this, hope that's ok (if not feel free not to publish, this is helping already) <3 so i'm pretty sure i fall into some sort of bi+acespec but am still generally very confused.. i have mentioned being ace to two people and being bi to none lmao. anyway i made out with someone (first time) mostly just to see what it was like tbh.. it was kinda fun but felt kinda like i was just acting a part? it also feels strange to be in my mid-20s and lacking this much clarity. that's all, ty <3

I think I ghost wrote this because literally same I know I'm ace/ace-ish but then I'm also pretty sure that I'm bi as well but haven't said anything to anyone (until now so here we are) so at least know you aren't alone because I'm there too 😂

#i have only hooked up with men unfortunately #like unfortunately im as atttracted to men as i can be but fortunately also to women

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past-princess · 3 years

Text

“ this world is like a puzzle.

a puzzle made up of bright colorful pieces.

but me?

i’m a gray piece.

everyone is a colorful piece.

everyone but me.

i don’t have a place in this puzzle.

i don’t fit anywhere.

one of those extra pieces you just throw out.

i know this.

i know i don’t have a place in this puzzle.

i know i’m the only colorless piece.

i know i don’t fit.

so please, just throw me out now.

you’re not going to need me anyways.

-the gray puzzle piece. ”

#poetry stuffs #BEFORE YOU GUYS COME AT ME #i’m fine #mostly anyways lmao #i’m just venting #no need to worry #anyways #i just wrote this sitting in the back of english class #and tbh i’m not mad about it #maybe i’ve written better #but this definitely isn’t my worst

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plan-d-to-i · 2 years

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Went on to check on MDZS side of the bird app, came back disappointed but not surprised.

The amount of victim blaming and abuse apologists I witnessed (not even mentioning the misogynistics and the homophobic "jokes"), I'm really concerned of the future of humanity because of those people.

I'm just happy I use twitter mostly to see fanart. I wouldn't be surprised if I went actually bananas after interacting or just reading those persons takes on Angry Grape and Madam Ew.

Can you believe there's people saying that Jiang Cheng's list of what he seeks in a woman is "everything his mother isn't" or "everything his sister is"? That's so weird tbh. And then there's people saying he would never get anything of that list because what he truly wants is an empowered intelligent woman (WQ).

Like... I really hate (what was their name again?) Ying Xia (?) for messing up a perfectly well written story and then bullshiting a bunch of things up for (I guess) selfish reasons and the sake of making CQL more appealing to the viewer.

As if we needed the yearning of a genocidal for the woman whose family he murdered in cold blood.

(This wasn't supposed to be me venting and I'm sorry. I guess I will just cut out Twitter for the sake of my own health)

"he would never get anything of that list because what he truly wants is an empowered intelligent woman (WQ)" LMFAO deceased. Sure and he wants a right hand man that's his equal. And he wants to find WWX bc he misses him sm 🥺. And he wants to be the best uncle to Lan Sizhui. And he just wants world peace!

Yang Xia just wrote mdzs fanfic and got it made into a show 🙃

#cql negative

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sevendeadlymorons · 3 years

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Hey I’m that one anon from a while back that sent those long ass paragraphs about Lilith and Simeon, remember me? Anyway I know I’m very late to the party, but some of the boys are either getting to much hate or too much love over here (in my opinion) so I made a pros and cons list for all of them, I’m sorry- (I’m warning you now this will be long but I’ll put it in bullet points so it’s a bit easier to read, just read it whenever your mentally ready lol)

Lucifer (I hate this man.)

Pros

He’d help a lot with getting your life together wether that be finding a job, choosing the right college or other shit like that

He’d make sure your working hard and getting everything done, which is both a blessing and a curse tbh

He would be the one to take the most care of you whenever your ill psychically

Cons

He would probably overwork you

Doesnt have much time to spend on you and doesn’t make a effort to find more time unless your getting really sad about it

Probably wouldn’t be the best of help through issues with mental illness (he just doesn’t strike me as that type, feel free to disagree)

His pride would cause some serious problems in relationships :/

Mammon (I love this man.)

Pros

He’s the “if your sad, I’m sad” kind of guy so he does whatever he can to put a smile on your face

Makes his affection towards you known once he’s comfortable enough, mostly through things like hugs and head pats tho

He shows off anything you make, and I mean anything (you gave him a drawing? After showing it to everyone he puts it on the fridge. You wrote something? He reads it to everyone then puts it in his notebook to reread later, I think you get where I’m going with this)

Cons

There would probably be some communication issues due to his tsundere nature and habit of ignoring you when he’s mad

He’d get super mad at you when your trying to help him financially, maybe it’s a ego thing or maybe he’s just tired of hearing it

While his possessiveness is cute at times he’d definitely get way to overbearing if you don’t force him to cool it

Levi (I kin this man.)

Pros

He’d try to set up designated hangout times (like Friday is movie night, Tuesday is for RPGs etc)

Wanna spend time with him but aren’t very into what he’s into? While it will be harder to bond with him because of this I think if you REALLY wanted to hang with him he’d at least try to meet you in the middle (like if you like sports he’ll offer to play wii sports lol)

Insecurities getting you down again? Well never fear, levi is here! He’d find characters with flaws similar to those you see in yourself to prove that they don’t really matter (and since he struggles with insecurity himself he’d know how you feel and be one of the best at helping you through them)

Cons

Even if he makes an effort to meet you in the middle if you have different interests he’d refuse to get into “normie” stuff

He’ll guilt trip you constantly, even if it’s not on purpose (“Oh your hanging out with Asmo today? I get it, of course you’d wanna hang out with somebody cool and perfect like Asmo and not a gross yucky otaku like me”)

You have to initiate almost everything Hugs? You hug first. Handholding? You reach out to him. Confessions? You seriously thought he’d be the one to confess first??

Satan

Pros

Similar to Lucifer he’d be good at helping you get your life together and putting you on the right track

Unlike Lucifer, he’d actively make time for date nights and/or hangouts multiple times a week wether your going out for dinner or reading in front of the fireplace

While he himself might not be best at helping with comfort in the moment, he’d be great to turn to if you needed a long time treatment (you need a therapist? He’s got the best three in your area that you can afford and he found some helpful things you can do in this book)

Cons

As stated previously, he’s not the best with comfort, which can be an issue if you need a friend/partner who can be your biggest source of comfort (I’m not saying he’ll do nothing, it’ll just be kinda awkward ig)

If you vent to him about something he’ll always offer advice and while that can be good, sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you and getting advice can be annoying in the moment

I feel like hanging out with him you’d rarely ever get to talk about pointless things, everything would be serious you know? And while serious and deep conversations are good for bonding, some people (myself included) need to be able to talk about dumb things without having it turn philosophical

Asmo

Pros

He’s the best at boosting your confidence, there’s no competition

He’s more into spontaneous outings (he suddenly got the urge to go shopping, your coming with right?)

You can talk about just about anything with him, no judgment and he’ll never speak a word of it to anyone else if you don’t want him to (although he may brag to his brothers that you told him your secrets)

High emotional IQ

Cons

He has set things of things he’s interested in and his idea of trying the things your into is doing whatever it is for about 5 seconds then deciding it’s not for him

He cares a lot about looks, I don’t mean he’ll hate you or insult you cause he thinks your ugly, I mean he’ll constantly try to do your makeup, hair, and nails and he’ll always say things like “Your hair is a bit messy today, did you brush it? Yes? Well not good enough, let me do it” and “your wearing that out? There’s nothing wrong with it, I just think you’d look a lot cuter in this” and if your anything like me, that’ll get on your nerves a lot

While he’s great with emotional issues, if it’s a problem with anything like school or your job he’ll have no solution to offer, all you’ll get is a “You can do it!” and a good luck kiss

Narcissistic, need I say more?

Beel

Pros

He’s the best person to vent to, no judgment and tons of hugs and comfort food

He’s a mom friend, no explanation needed

Very supportive and always concerned for your health

Your in trouble? Call beel, he’ll help you and make sure your home safe before questioning you and will only lecture you out of love (unlike a certain older brother that will lecture you because “Your tarnishing Diavlo’s reputation by acting out like this. Your an exchange student, you must abide by the rules and behave yourself.”)

Cons

Food is his answer to everything (Sad?Food. Injured? Food. School’s stressful? Food plus a little help studying) and while food can be good for comfort, sometimes you need him to provide more than a snack

He’s the opposite of Satan in the sense that he’ll almost never offer advice when you rant to him, he just assumes getting it all out is help enough and won’t offer much more then a hug and food

Not getting along with one of his brothers? “They can be a handful, but they’re great people once you learn to handle the chaos” yeah he rarely thinks what his brothers did is a big deal so he gives you advice on how to apologize and get past it and he’ll give you food

Belphie (he really does attract the mentally ill people huh-)

Cons

I feel like he’d be good for certain people with social anxiety and people who have issues with always being scared about being a bad person (“you think your a bad person and are becoming more and more toxic by the day? Well your a better person than Lucifer that’s for sure, wether or not your toxic were going to cuddle now get in bed” or “your worried everyone is constantly staring and judging you for everything you do? Well I don’t really care about what your wearing or the way you walk so I doubt they do either, can we go home now?” ((Side note, I experience both of these issues and his uncaring personality would calm me, which is why I think this one of his pros))

He just wouldn’t care about whatever type of life style you lead and as someone who’s constantly scared of being judged for their lifestyle this would be amazing (“you sleep all the time? Same let’s nap together” “You don’t eat very healthy? Whatever, it’s fine, can we sleep now?” ((although it is a double edged sword))

He gets a burst of energy and just does the most random things (you see that tree? He’s already climbed half way up it. That petting zoo? He’s already feeding the lambs. That store? He’s already spent 30 grim)

Cons

Just like his twin he thinks every problem has one solution, but instead of food he thinks the solution is sleep (your sick? Sleep is the best medicine. A lot of homework? If you sleep you don’t have to think about it.)

At some point he just doesn’t care enough, if you come to him with a serious issue he’ll half listen to you rant then pull you down to sleep

He teases you a lot, which is fine teasing is fun, but he takes it too far. Maybe he touched on something your insecure about or he was too merciless, whatever it was, he won’t apologize for it, he just thinks your being sensitive. If he brought up some bad memories he’ll consider it, but his way of apologizing is cuddling

He doesn’t wanna do something? You guys aren’t gonna do it. You don’t wanna do something? Too bad, he wants to so your gonna.

I’m sorry this is so long- I tried to shorten it I swear- but anyway if you disagree I’m with anything, I wanna hear what you think

And even tho Beel doesn’t get much screen time and more serious moments, I think his character is way more then hunger

Random but I wanna add that other then Levi I kin Tamaki from mha and Ranpo from bsd

Dude do you just like torturing poor college students? This is so much to read, I’m about to cry 😭

I agree with the Lucifer part actually! Tho I do kinda thing he’s be good emotion support in some ways, for me, anyway. I feel like he may lack empathy that is needed in a stable relationship. Yes, he may be able to tell you with shit and honestly, he’d book my doctors appointments when I’m too anxious too so yknow. But yeah

Also agree with mammon. He’s a jackass when he wants to be, and I know he may not mean it, but his words are still hurtful in a lot of ways and he just can’t convey those emotions that’re needed in a loving relationship. But he’s so sweet and will show you off so it’s all good~

As much as I love Levi, I agree. He manipulates and guilt trips you throughout the entire game. It can’t be healthy in relationships but that don’t stop me from loving that sweet otaku boy 😔🖤

I agree with Satan too. I don’t have much to say but he’s avatar of wrath for a reason, for a start, and he honestly looks like he’d prefer talking about books than that funny thing that happened in class that made you laugh earlier

Agreed with Asmo too. Sometimes he may just get overbearing and the narcissism and the constant need to make you look better and improve you may get irritating

I agree with Beel. I don’t think he can comprehend that food isn’t an answer to everything and as a person who doesn’t cope with food and relatively hates it, he won’t be any help to me emotionally. He’s so sweet but he just won’t give you that proper support

I love Belphie so so much but I absolutely agree. He’s one of the most unbothered brothers who won’t care what you look like, yes, but that also means compliments may come rarely and like his twin, “sleep is the answer to everything” I can admit I like to sleep but I have a manic side that comes with insomnia and if he’s dragging me down and not letting me move and I just cannot sleep, I’m gonna get irritated and pissed off.

This got a bit long on my end too. I just really liked how you worded this and it was fun to see pros and cons of the ‘perfect’ brothers

I think Beel is more than food too, but I just don’t particularly like him either way cuz I’m not really a foodie so I can’t relate with him lmao

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