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yunopouts · 6 months

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trick or treat - j. jaehyun

→ jeong jaehyun x neighbour! reader

-> dilf! jaehyun au

→ CW: dom! jaehyun, breeding kink (jae's horny, i'm horny, everyone if fucking horny), age gap (reader is in mid-20’s and jae is a divorced 29yo Jae), unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, handjob, oral (f receiving), praising, pussy slapping, biting, spit kink, oral fixation (jae), there are some cringey lines (i'm sorry but i wanted to have them in there but i didn't know how else to phrase them T-T), jae's thick in this one guys :D

-> a/n: omg haii ^-^ okay so this one isn't necessarily halloween related but his kid in the fic is going trick or treating so it counts!!! Jae is DOWN BAD in this one y'all. also just an fyi, this one has a lot more dialogue since they have more of a relationship and it's not just mindless sex this time?? but there still is quite a lot of sex??? okok enjoyyyyyy

-> wc: 6k

-> upcoming: switch! yuta (playboy yuta :) will explain more on that later) psst! requests are open!!

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Jaehyun’s face dropped as he read the email he had just been sent. Cursing under his breath, the man pushed away from his desk and poked his head out the door.

“Hayoung,” he said. The woman at the desk looked up at him and from the look on her face, she knew what he was going to ask.

“Sir, I’m so sorry…” and she truly did sound sincere. “Gongmyung had no other times available to meet. He’s leaving for London tomorrow morning.”

Jaehyun pursed his lips as he nodded. He felt awful that he couldn't take Subin out tonight, but he had one idea that could make his daughter feel better.

The man checked the watch on his wrist, reading the time as 5:30pm. If he left now, Jaehyun could be at Subin’s school for 6:15pm to pick her up from daycare, talk to her, and bring her home for 6:45pm before he had leave the house by 7:30 to be back at the office for 8:00 pm to meet the clients for dinner.

“Alright, I have to leave now, but I’ll be back in time for the meeting.” Hayoung looked as if she was going to object, but instead she just nodded her head. Jaehyun grabbed his jacket from his office before pulling his phone out from his pocket. As he walked to the elevator, he scrolled through his contacts, searching for your name.

As Jaehyun stood, waiting for the elevator, his heart raced with both the urgency of the situation and the lingering nervousness he got when you spoke. His thumb hovered over the call button when he hesitated. He took a deep breath and leaned against the glass railing behind him, feeling a pang of worry gnaw at him. Would he be imposing on you once again?

The elevators hummed softly as they stopped at different floors of the building while Jaehyun debated with himself, the prospect of the impending meeting weighing heavily on his shoulders. He decided to call you, but not just for Subin’s sake, for his too.

“Hello?” Your voice on the other end had a certain warmth, and it sent a shiver down Jaehyun’s spine.

“Hey,” Jaehyun let out a sigh at the sound of your soft voice. His voice tinged with the tension that had been building in the pit of his stomach ever since he received that email.

“What’s wrong? You sound stressed.” You grew concerned when you realised how his voice was quieter than usual.

“It’s just work stuff…” Jaehyun’s shoulders slumped. “I really hate to ask you this,” And he really did. “I was wondering if you could watch Subin tonight? I know it’s Halloween, and it’s super last minute, but I was just scheduled for a meeting, and you’re the only one she’d want to go with.” the disparity in his voice ran deep, but you didn’t have any plans anyways, so why not?

“Of course, Jae.” You said, and the man sighed with relief. “What did she dress up as for school?” The calmness in your voice soothed Jaehyun’s nerves. The elevator sounded as it arrived. After the doors opened, Jaehyun entered and leaned against the wall as he felt a strange mix of emotions.

“She decided she was going to be Elsa and when we went trick or treating, she wanted me to be Anna.” There was a moment of silence, but Jaehyun already knew what was about to happen. As the man closed his eyes momentarily, you burst out laughing on the other line.

“You were really going to dress up as Anna for her?” you asked, your voice was laced with amusement that made Jaehyun chuckle.

“It was either that or Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame.” A hand ran over Jaehyun’s face in embarrassment, remembering the conversation he had with his seven year old daughter last month when they were discussing costume ideas.

“What, did she want to be Esmerelda?” you asked with a scoff.

“No, she wanted to be Laverne.” Jaehyun groaned, wondering from whom his daughter gets her ideas from.

“The gargoyle?” you cried. You held the phone away from your ear as you laughed loudly, clutching your stomach.

“Yeah,” the man replied, looking at his shoes with a smile, the sound of your laughter resonating with him. “How much do you want me to pay you?” he asked as he walked out the elevator and to the entryway of the building. He waved to the secretaries and to those who greeted him with a smile.

You tried to reason with him, arguing that you didn’t need the extra compensation, but Jaehyun’s insistence on repaying your kindness only heightened the nagging tensions between the two of you.

“Jae, you really don’t have to, you know I’d do anything for you guys.” Your voice was gentle, “You know I feel bad asking you to watch her without paying you.” Jaehyun’s voice dropped lower, carrying an undertone of a deeper emotion with it.

As he exited the building, silently thanking the valet driver for his keys.

“But I’m telling you that you don’t have to.”

Your attempt to reason with him was met with Jaehyun’s unwavering determination. “We’ll talk about it later.”

With no room for further discussion, you conceded, “I’ll see you at seven, then.”

“I’ll see you then.” Jaehyun confirmed, the tension settled down thickly in the air.

“Bye, Jae.” You said softly.

“Bye, y/n.” Jaehyun replied, the sudden strain in his voice giving way to a sense of longing as he entered his car.

Sitting in the driver’s seat, Jaehyun gripped the steering wheel and looked down, feeling a slight strain in his pants. “Jesus fucking Christ…” the man muttered. “What am I, twelve?” his head fell back against the headrest in frustration.

Jaehyun rolled down the window before he began to drive, in hopes that the cold breeze would clear his mind of the thought of you, and focus on what was more important: trying to find a way to tell Subin that he can’t take her trick or treating.

By the time Jaehyun had parked in the school parking lot, he had nothing. He still didn’t know how to tell his daughter the news. Taking a deep breath, Jaehyun pushed open the car door and got out of the vehicle before locking it and heading to the waiting area.

Minutes later, the bell rang and children of all ages flooded out the doors. Jaehyun stood amidst the sea of children pouring out of the school, his eyes scanning the crowd for a familiar little girl in an Elsa costume. He spotted her soon enough, her blonde wig glistening in the autumn sun, and a smile spread across his face. Subin was chatting excitedly with her friends, and he knew he had to break the news gently.

He approached her, kneeling down to her eye level. “Hey, princess,” he greeted her with a warm smile.

Subin’s face lit up at the sight of her father. “Daddy!” she squeaked and launched herself into his arms. Jaehyun laughed as he almost stumbled onto the floor, but his arms wrapped around his daughter tightly.

“Come on, let’s get you to the car.” Jaehyun stood up carefully with his daughter still in his arms. As he walked, Jaehyun sucked in a deep breath before he told his daughter the bad news. “Subin, about tonight…”

The girl looked up at him with curious eyes. “What is it, Daddy?”

Jaehyun cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. “Well, I know how much you were looking forward to trick or treating tonight, and I was really excited too, but something came up at word.” He paused, gauging her reaction.

Subin’s smile faded, and her brows furrowed. “Do you have a meeting tonight, Daddy?”

Jaehyun’s heart felt like it was breaking off piece by piece. “I’m so sorry sweetheart, I tried to reschedule it for later, I really did, but it didn’t work out.” Jaehyun frowned, but his daughter smiled.

“It’s okay, Daddy. Do you think you’ll be back to watch HalloweenTown with me?”

“I’ll do my best, okay? I promise I’ll make it up to you sweetheart.” Jaehyun promises. “Until I come back home, I asked the lady from the floor below us to watch you, you remember her, right?”

“The pretty lady you invite over every weekend? I remember her.” Subin nodded, unaware of how red her fathers ears had turned.

“She doesn’t come over every weekend.” Jaehyun mumbled, looking away from his daughter as they arrived in front of the car.

“She does… Dohwa even asked me if she was my mom.”

“Oh…” he replied simply. Jaehyun stayed silent as he sat his daughter in the booster seat behind the passenger’s side, the thought almost consuming him.

Dohwa asked if she was her mom…

After he clicked her seatbelt in, Jaehyun shut the door and headed for the driver’s seat, still entirely thinking of you… as a mother…

The man paused right as he was about to open the door when he felt the same stiffness from earlier, and he had to stop himself from screaming curses at the sky. Jaehyun closed his eyes and swallowed harshly before he opened his eyes and entered the car like nothing had happened to him.

“Daddy, can we listen…”

“Of course,” Jaehyun gave his daughter a smile through the rearview mirror. He knew exactly what the kid was asking for, and with a few presses of some buttons, the intro of the infamous ‘Let it Go’ from the Frozen soundtrack was blasting from the speakers, and Subin was belting out the words.

The rest of the ride was filled with more Frozen, which consisted of duets, the respective solo’s of both Jaehyun and Subin, and the booing of Hans whenever he sang in Love is an Open Door.

Jaehyun had arrived at the condo building at 6:45pm, “Right on schedule,” he said to himself as he walked to the other side of the car to help his daughter out of the car. “Come on, sweetie,” he said, lifting her into his arms. With how adorable she was in her Elsa costume, he was determined to make it up to her for the missed trick or treating.

After a quick elevator ride, they reached his penthouse. The elegant, modern space was impeccably decorated, a reflection of Jaehyun’s refined taste.

“What d’ya want to eat before the pretty lady gets here, Miss Elsa?” Jaehyun asks Subin, who was already halfway to the kitchen. He followed behind her and held the door open for her as she entered. “Goldfish…” she said hungrily, causing a laugh to escape from Jaehyun’s lips.

“Goldfish it is, then.” The man took a bowl from one of the cabinet’s before he scanned his pantry for the snack that was requested. While Jaehyun looked, he heard Subin squeal with excitement. A mix of confusion and concern churned through Jaehyun, so he tried to be quick with his search and found them on the top shelf.

“Subin, I found them…” Jaehyun stopped in his tracks when his eyes found yours.

“Hey Jae,” you smiled, your insides twisting at his current state. He’d come from the office, you knew that already, but seeing him in that suit definitely messed with you a bit.

“Hey,” Jaehyun couldn’t help the way his heart raced at the mere sight of you. You were holding a neatly folded Anna costume in your arms, and the smile you gave him made his heart skip a beat. “You’re early.” he said. Although he looked quite distracted, Jaehyun still managed to pour Subin her goldfish and hand the bowl to her.

“Yeah, I just thought I’d come by a little early to see if Subin needed help with her costume.” Your innocence warmed Jaehyun and forced a smile onto his lips.

“That’s really thoughtful, thank you.’

“Don’t even mention it.” you said.

“Pretty lady, are you going to put your costume on now?” Subin interjected while she munched on the small crackers.

Jaehyun shuddered lightly, realising his daughter had just watched that whole interaction, even though she probably didn’t register what was going on.

At least that’s what you both hoped.

“Oh! Yes, yes, I will go do that. So, give me a few minutes, yeah?” you winked at her which earned you a big grin from the little girl.

“You can change in the guest bathroom.” Jaehyun blurts. “I’ll show you where it is.”

“Yeah, yeah, sounds good.”

Jaehyun walked out first, but it didn’t take long for you to catch up to him. You walked silently up the stairs and down the hall until you reached the room.

“Let me know if you need anything,” he said.

You thank him before you enter the bathroom, one you’ve definitely seen before. You set the costume down on the counter and begin to undress. Everything was going well until it came down to actually doing up the back of the dress.

“Jaehyun?” you raised your voice ever so slightly, just to check if he was still there, and in a heartbeat there was a soft knock on the door.

“You called?” His voice was a bit muffled from being on the other side of the door, but you opened the door, finding him leaning against the door frame.

“Could you help me with this?” you asked with a hand across your chest to keep your dress from falling.

Jaehyun looked away from your eyes, suddenly feeling very warm in the face and ears. “Yeah, could I come in?”

You moved so he had room to enter, and you shut the door almost immediately after and locked the door. Your back was facing Jaehyun, but you were watching him through the mirror. You felt bold until his dark eyes met yours in the reflection, and since then, his gaze didn’t leave yours.His heart raced as he looked into your eyes, and his fingers trembled slightly as he began to tie the strings at the back of your dress.

The tension in the air only grew stronger as his fingers brushed lightly against your skin, and your breath hitched. You couldn’t help but steal a glance over your shoulder, meeting Jaehyun’s gaze once again.

“Done…” he gulped, holding your stare. It was a moment where words were no longer necessary, and the attraction between you two was undeniable.

Jaehyun leaned in closer, his lips brushed against the nape of your neck. Your heart raced, and you tilted your head slightly, granting him access to your skin. His kisses were gentle, sending shivers down your spine, and his arms which had wrapped around your waist, had become your new form of support.

As he continued to trail soft, lingering kisses along your neck, Jaehyun whispered, “You’re making it hard for me to focus on anything other than you.”

You turn around to face him, your lips dangerously close to his. “Maybe that’s the point,” you replied with a mischievous glint in your eyes.

With a surge of longing, Jaehyun closed the small distance between your lips and his. The kiss was passionate and electric, and yet still so familiar from the previous ones you’ve shared from almost every weekend for the past three months.

One of Jaehyun’s hands cupped your cheek as the other snaked down to your waist, pulling you in closer. He felt the heat of your body merge with his, and his heart raced as he deepened the kiss. Your hands were tangled in his hair, and the taste of his lips sent a wave of euphoria through your body.

Jaehyun pulled away, but only slightly. His forehead was still pressed against yours, and he whispered, "I could kiss you like this forever."

Your lips curled into a small smile and you replied, "I wouldn't mind it."

With that, Jaehyun kissed you again, and this time it was more desperate, more passionate. He moved his lips hungrily against yours, exploring and tasting your mouth. You let out a soft moan as his hands moved to your lower back, and your kiss became more passionate.

His hands moved to the small of your back, and he lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist. You felt the warmth of his body against yours, and you melted into his embrace.

He carried you to the counter, and sat you down on the cold marble, and your arms tightly wrapped around him. You could feel his heart pounding against your chest, and the intensity of the kiss was enough to make your head spin. You felt like you were in some kind of trance, and you welcomed it with all your heart.

With his hips in between your legs, you reached out your hand to palm his growing erection through his pants. Jaehyun pulled away from the kiss, letting his head fall back in pleasure.

“God, baby, I got hard twice today because of you.” You hummed in response, slowly undoing Jaehyun’s belt and freeing his cock from his boxers. Bringing your hand to your mouth, you spit into it before lubing up his dick with it.

You started to move your hand up and down, slowly stroking his shaft and Jaehyun let out a low moan. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily, his hips starting to move in time with your hand.

Your hand closed over the tip, stroking it in circular motions before you moved your hand to jerk off the rest of his length. You increased the speed of your hand, Jaehyun's breathing getting heavier with each stroke. You could feel how hard he had gotten, and you smiled as you continued to pleasure him. Feeling your spit start to dry up, you started to use more of your hand, your fingers tracing circles around the head of his cock. Jaehyun's hands were gripping the material of your costume tightly, and you could feel his hips twitching with each of your strokes.

You moved your hand faster, your thumb now rubbing circles around Jaehyun's most sensitive spot, and he let out a loud moan as he was about to cum, but before he could, a timer went off.

“Fucking christ,” You both sighed out of disappointment, and Jaehyun rested his forehead against yours.

"I have to go," he said, regretfully. He quickly fixed himself up and helped you off the counter.

“What if you’re still hard during your meeting, though?” You joke while your fingers toyed with his belt loops.

He chuckled, and kissed you one last time before reluctantly pulling away.

“I’ll figure something out." You pouted, and he leaned in to give you one last peck on the lips before he grabbed his phone and unlocked the door. "I'll see you soon. I promise." He said before slipping out of the door.

You sighed and smiled to yourself, savouring the moment. You felt more alive than ever.

Sliding off the counter, you turned and inspected your face to make sure you didn’t go back to Subin looking like a hot mess.

“Pretty lady!” Subin yelled as you walked down the stairs. The young girl squealed as she ran to wait for you at the edge of the steps. She gushed at you once you had fully arrived in front of you. “You look so pretty!”

“Thank you sweetheart.” you said as you ruffled her hair. “Ready to go?” you asked her with a grin. Subin nodded frantically and grabbed your hand before she darted towards the elevator, her candy bag in the other hand waiting to be filled to the brim with treats.

“Trick or treating!” she cheered and jumped with excitement, and your heart warmed at the sight.

“Thank you so much for your time Gongmyung.” Jaehyun smiled as he shook the older man's hand.

“Of course! The pitch was great, so our lawyers will be in contact with yours very shortly.”

Jaehyun saw the man out of the smile and one final bow before he looked down at his watch. It was 9:30pm.

‘They should be home by now.’ Jaehyun thought as he got in his car and began to drive home.

It only took him about twenty minutes to get home from the restaurant, and by the time he reached the penthouse, he found you sitting on the couch with his daughter sleeping peacefully next to you, her head resting on your thigh.

“Hey,” you smiled up at him. Jaehyun mirrored your expression as he sat down next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“When did she pass out?” Jaehyun’s fingers drew circles against your arm as you leaned into him.

“About an hour ago? She already brushed her teeth, we were just watching The Nightmare Before Christmas.” Jaehyun looked at you, his brows scrunched closer together.

“Is that not a Christmas movie?”

“Tsk… no one knows what it is or isn’t.” you said, jutting out your bottom lip before Jaehyun pecked your cheek. “I think I’m gonna put Subin to bed… show me to her room?” You slowly moved in a way that wouldn’t disturb the little girl too badly, and you brought her to your chest and rested her head on your shoulder. Both you and Jaehyun stood and you cautiously walked up the stairs and down the hall.

Jaehyun opened the door, revealing a baby pink room with toys and stuffed animals astray.

“This room is so…”

“Scary?”

“Her,” you shot Jaehyun a dirty look which made him laugh. “Not too loud, idiot.” you scolded him when you felt Subin stir at the loud noise. Cradling her head, you ordered Jaehyun to pull her bed covers back. Gently, you set the girl down before tucking her in. You stepped back to watch Jaehyun crouch beside her head and plant a light kiss on forehead. He sat there for a few seconds, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. With one last peck goodnight, he got up and smiled softly at you before he took your hand in his and led you out of the room.

With the lights off in Subin’s room and her door shut, the two of you stood in the hallway, staring into each other’s eyes.

“Thank you, again, for watching her.” Jaehyun stepped closer to you. You noticed how his tone dropped, how his hands squeezed yours gently, and how his eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips.

“Like I’ve said, you don’t have to thank me… but you can show me your appreciation in a different way.” you teased and hooked your fingers around his belt loop like you did earlier.

Jaehyun smirked devilishly, leaning in to kiss your neck. His hands moved around your waist, dipping lower until he cupped your ass.

As he trailed kisses along your neck, he paused to nibble and suck on your sensitive skin. His hands moved up your back, tugging your hips even closer to his. You felt your own arousal growing as his lips moved from your neck to your lips, his tongue pushing its way into your mouth. You moaned against his lips as your hands found their way into his hair, fingers curling around the strands of his hair.

“We shouldn’t do this out here…” you said breathlessly, and Jaehyun groaned in agreement.

He pulled away and took your hand, leading you to the guest room. Your pulse was racing as he pushed open the door, and you both stepped inside. He pulled you close and kissed you deeply, while your hands moved to the back of his neck, tugging him in closer as your lips moved together in an urgent, passionate kiss. His hands travelled their way down your body, exploring your curves as you explored his. He trailed kisses down your neck, making you gasp as his teeth lightly grazed your skin. You groaned in pleasure as you felt his erection growing against your belly.

He grabbed your hair and pulled it back, his face hovering close to yours. "Tell me what you want," he growled.

You bit your lip and smiled, your desire rising with each passing second. You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in to whisper in his ear, "I need you to fuck me."

He groaned and pulled you closer, his hands roaming your body. His lips brushed against your ear as he responded in a chuckle, “Waited all day for you to say that to me.”

In an instant, Jaehyun brought you towards the bed, a fire raging in his eyes. You were both eager to get undressed, and you started with his shirt. You reached to undo the buttons of his suit and slowly started undoing them, never breaking away from his embrace. Jaehyun’s breaths were heavy and rushed as you finally released his shirt and pulled it off his body.

His hands moved to your shirt and he proceeded to do the same with you, slowly pulling your shirt off and tossing it aside. He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer, his lips finding yours again. His hands were frantic as they roamed your body, the intensity of his kiss growing with each passing moment.

He leaned back and pulled you with him, the two of you standing there in nothing but your underwear. His eyes were ablaze with desire and he stepped forward, pushing you back onto the bed. He leaned over you and slowly trailed his lips down your body, his hands massaging your curves as he made his way down.

He pulled back and looked into your eyes, his own filled with a primal hunger. With one hand, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head, his lips finding yours again as the other hand found itself making its way down your navel, all the way to your pussy. His thumb took to your clit, drawing small circles on it.

The friction felt electric, you couldn’t help but shiver at his cold hands touching such sensitive parts. A soft moan escaped your lips as your hips involuntarily arched towards his touch. His thumb moved faster, increasing the intensity of the pleasure. You felt pleasure radiating through your body, slowly building to an unstoppable force. Your breathing became shallow, your heart raced, and all you could do was surrender to the sensations. His thumb began to move with more intensity, each circle growing wider and wider. His touch was gentle yet demanding, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through your veins. The hand that had your wrists in a tight grip suddenly let go, but it moved to your hip and he grabbed firmly, steadying you as his thumb continued to bring you closer to the edge.

You could feel his breath against your neck, his fingers digging into your hips as he moved them. Suddenly, he slapped you hard on your pussy and you gasped in surprise. The repeated action brought you close to tears. As your jaw hung open from a mix of surprise and pleasure, Jaehyun saw this as the perfect opportunity to do the thing you love. Hovering just slightly over your mouth, he let his saliva drop into your mouth, and he watched with a smirk as your jaw shut immediately, swallowing what he gave you.

His tongue soon found its way into your mouth, and you tasted the bitterness of his spit as it mingled with yours. His hands moved with purpose, sending waves of pleasure cascading through your body.

You could feel the anticipation building in your body, and you could barely contain the moans that escaped your lips. You were so close to the pinnacle of pleasure, and his touch was the only thing that could get you there.

“Fuck, Jae… oh fuck.” you said as a signal to him that you were cumming. If that didn’t tell him, then the way your body shook definitely did.

Not long after you came, Jaehyun sat himself in between your legs. Both of his hands moved to your thighs, pushing them apart as he knelt in front of you. He looked up at you with pure adoration and started to kiss and lick your inner thighs.

Jaehyun kept one arm around your hips while the other explored your pussy, fingering you slowly. You gasped and hissed in pleasure as he teased your sensitive areas. He moved his mouth to your pussy and started to lick and suck in a tantalising rhythm. His tongue moved in slow circles, alternating between soft and hard strokes.

The arm he kept around your wait found itself lazily dragging from your waist, up to your breasts. His nimble fingers squeezed and teased your nipples, not helping the fact that you were trying to keep your voice down– even though you were several rooms down from his daughter.

The back of your hand moved to cover your mouth as you moaned, while the other grabbed his head, pushing him deeper into you. He bit down on your labia and licked the sensitive skin around your clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. Jaehyun moved his fingers inside you, pushing them in and out in a steady rhythm, his thumb finding the spot that sent sensations of pleasure through your body.

He then began to massage your clit with his tongue, circling it slowly and then faster and faster until you felt your toes curl in anticipation. His hands moved down to your hips, holding you tightly as he increased the pressure and speed of his tongue.

You felt your muscles tensing and your breathing becoming more rapid as you got closer to the edge. His fingers moved faster and faster, stimulating you in all the right places. You moaned and gasped as your orgasm finally overcame you, your body shaking in pleasure.

“Came so quick.” Jaehyun stated, slowly moving his mouth back up to yours and kissed you passionately, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands moved to your waist.

He grabbed your hips and spread your legs wider, pushing his hard cock inside of you. He moved slowly at first, letting out a guttural moan as he entered you.

He moved his hips in a circular motion, pushing himself deeper into you as he felt your tight walls stretching around his thickness. He felt as if he was being consumed by a blanket of pleasure, and he loved the feeling of being completely surrounded by you. With each movement, you could feel him stretching you out further, and the sensation made his body tremble with delight.

“Fuck, baby, you’re doing so fucking well.” His breathing quickened as he felt the sensation of being fully engulfed inside of you, and the sensation of pleasure coursing through his body. He felt as if he were melting into you, becoming one with you as he moved faster and faster.

He added a new layer of pleasure to his movements, as he sucked and licked on your nipples while he continued to thrust. His tongue felt like velvet on your skin, teasing and tantalising you with every movement. His hands moved to your back, caressing it with every thrust.

You grasped his shoulders tightly as the sensations built up inside, and you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. Finally, you threw your head back and let out a loud moan as you reached your climax, your pleasure washing over you. Jaehyun’s breathing became heavier, and you could feel his muscles tense up, his whole body shaking with pleasure.

“Fuck baby…” Jaehyun groaned, looking down at your pussy. “You’re so fucking full.” he bit his lip to stop himself from showing his smile, but it was useless– Jaehyun was grinning from ear to ear with pride. He watched as his cum dripped out of you, but with two fingers, he took whatever had leaked and shoved it back into you.

“Hey,” you said, grabbing his attention with his fingers still inside of you. “You gonna fuck me full of your cum, or what?”

Jaehyun almost lost it. Asking that of him was not the smartest idea, considering the fact that he’d do anything you told him to.

“Is this you asking to have my second kid? We’re not even together.” He joked as he sat himself with his back against his headboard.

You knew what that meant.

Getting on your knees, you crawled on top of him and positioned yourself above his still very hard cock.

“I could do both…” you say without another thought.

“Oh baby,” he said, voice more seductive than you’ve heard before. “I’ll fuck you so hard, you’ll get pregnant right away.” And with that, he thrust upwards, shoving his thick cock into you.

You exclaimed in surprise, eyes going wide, but your hands flew to his shoulder, stabilising yourself as he moved inside of you. He moved long and slow, his hips rolling against yours, and you felt your pleasure building with each thrust. He reached down and grabbed your ass, squeezing the soft flesh as began to pick up his pace. His breathing became ragged as he went deeper and deeper into you.

His hands moved higher, gently caressing your breasts, his lips lightly sucking and licking them. His fingers moved lower, rubbing and teasing your clit, and his tongue licked and sucked your nipples.

“Fuck, just look at you, your fucking tits bouncing…” he mumbled, his mouth watering at the sight. “Gonna get you pregnant with my baby, and your tits are gonna be so fucking big.” Jaehyun moaned at the thought. You felt his tongue flick against your nipples, and you gasped in pleasure as he teased them with his mouth.

As he sucked on your nipples, Jaehyun started to pick up the pace, pushing himself in and out of you. His hips moved in a perfect rhythm, each thrust sending a wave of pleasure through your body. You felt your eyes roll to the back of your head, and your breath coming in ragged gasps.

You could feel the heat building inside you as he continued to move. His hand moved down, rubbing against your clit as he moved, sending pleasure coursing through your veins. His thrusts were getting harder, and faster, and you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge.

Just then, he pulled out of you and flipped you over onto your back. He stared into your eyes, holding your gaze as he penetrated you again. “Fuck Jaehyun, I need your cum.” You whined. His thrusts were more forceful now, and you could feel yourself moaning louder and louder as he continued to move inside of you.

He then started to move one of his hands up and down your body, playing with your nipples and lightly caressing your breasts. His tongue lapped at them, and you felt your body tense up as he sucked on them. He moved the other hand down to your clit again, rubbing it in circles as he moved inside of you.

“Need to get you so fucking full.” Jaehyun spoke aimlessly as he fucked your cunt, his thrusts growing harsher by the second. You hummed at his words, equally as brainless as he was from the stimulation.

You felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, and Jaehyun increased his thrusts, pushing himself deeper inside of you. He grabbed your hips and held you tight, pushing himself deep inside of you. You screamed out in pleasure, your orgasm ripping through your body, and he followed shortly behind, his body shaking in pleasure.

His moans grew louder and his thrusts became more intense, the pleasure becoming too much for him to handle. He felt his orgasm build up inside of him, and as he reached the peak, he let out a cry of pure ecstasy. Jaehyun slowly pulled out of you before he laid beside you.

Turning to face him, you both lay there for a few moments, your breathing ragged and your hearts pounded in your chests.

“I meant what I said…” Jaehyun said, his thoughts now cleared from his prior state of mind. “About being together. The baby too, but that can come later.”

“I like that idea,” you hummed and pressed your lips to his.

3K notes · View notes

filmbyjy · 1 year

Text

TWITTER SUCKS!

PAIRING > lee heeseung x fem!reader

synopsis > who knew you could become famous overnight for paying $8 for a single blue checkmark? however, it does come with consequences…what happens when the actual BELIFT Lab comes knocking at your door. all because you simply impersonated your bias.

GENRE > twitter update au? idol! heeseung & enhypen. engene!reader

FEATURING > mae & subin (ocs) and of course the rest of enhypen :) more idols will be added if chapter requires!

SCHEDULE > inconsistent schedules bc I just post whenever I want to🙃

TAGLIST > just drop an ask or fill out this form to be added!

START: 20 March 2023 | END: 18th June 2023

profiles: ENBEANs | EN-KINDERGARTEN ❌❌

prologue: tf elon musk

one: gen old people

two: out of besth

three: HE LIKES YOU

four: please don’t embarrass yourself

five: he anti-romantic

— idk why the read more disappeared on me😒 —

six: she’s gonna fly

seven: BL MOMENT??

eight: take you out to a nice place

nine: your fruitiness is showing

↳ special: enhypen disbands

ten: well I be damned

eleven: father to future kids added

twelve: what is air?

↳ special: private rants thread 📌

thirteen: mhm, he’s broken

fourteen: fvck you 🫶🏻

fifteen: the punishment

sixteen: let me sniff [written]

seventeen: us when-

eighteen: smelled it and her eyes rolled back

nineteen: can YOU guess?

twenty: i THINK I like her

twenty-one: heerizz (very effective)

twenty-two: thanks 👍🏻

twenty-three: I hate feelings

twenty-four: is that ENHYPEN? [written]

twenty-five: y/n had a boyfriend

twenty-six: clean the dishes, you furry ass

twenty-seven: unforgiven, she’s a villain

twenty-eight: kiss the girl [written]

↳ special: enhypen behind the scenes

twenty-nine: i’m gonna resign

thirty: now the squad has boyfriends~

thirty-one: breaking my silence

↳ special: is the duck drunk?

thirty-two: ENGENEs flame her!!!

thirty-three: jieun’s downfall

thirty-four: mamma mia pisa is back

thirty-five: my other half [written]

end

got a question for our cast?

TWITTER SUCKS! : ask

ask: TWITTER SUCKS! cast

2K notes · View notes

sankyeom · 2 years

Text

ACT NOW, THINK LATER! | S.JY

pairing: jake sim x reader (she/her pronouns) genre(s): university/college au, strangers to friends to lovers, summary: in which you kiss a stranger to prove to your friends that you’re over lee heeseung, only to discover that this stranger is completely entangled in your life word count: 9.6k warning(s): alcohol consumption, mentions of being tipsy note: this is based on this victon subin timestamp i wrote last year, but i kind of lost inspiration for it as a subin fic and wrote it into a jake fic lol. anyway, enjoy!

masterlist

“I change my mind,” Sunghoon said, standing at the party host’s door. “Let’s not go.”

You smiled, used to his introverted behaviour. “Okay,” you agreed. “We can leave if you don’t want to go in.”

“No,” Sunghoon sighed. “We should go in. If we don’t, everyone’s going to think that you bailed because of Heeseung and Hana.”

You groaned, glaring at him. “You know what, just because you said that, we’re going in whether you like it or not,” you decided, opening the front door and gently pushing Sunghoon through the doorway.

“Hey,” he protested, stumbling slightly over his feet and laughing when he saw your irritated expression. “I said that everyone else would think that, I know it’s not true,” Sunghoon defended himself.

“Yeah, well, I’m getting sick of everyone bringing it up around me,” you admitted, making a beeline for the kitchen to pour yourself a drink. “I just wish everyone would stop talking about it! I literally have no issues with either of them, and there’s no lingering feelings or whatever. I’m good, I’m totally fine,” you muttered, sipping your drink with a frown on your face.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” Sunghoon admitted, gingerly scanning the assortment of snacks with vague disinterest.

“You know Jay and Niki came up to me today to tell me that Heeseung and Hana got back together,” you said, rolling your eyes at the memory of Niki storming into the library and Jay cornering you after your morning lecture. “It’s everyone else who’s making a big deal out of it, not me.”

Noticing how you were growing more frustrated the more you talked about it, Sunghoon was quick to concede. “I won’t bring it up again, I promise,” he assured you.

“Thanks,” you sighed. “Now let’s go find our friends before they send a search party,” you suggested, scanning the crowded living room to search for your friend group.

You didn’t have to look far, since all of your friends – minus Heeseung and his girlfriend – had spotted you first, making their way over to the significantly less crowded kitchen. You hesitantly waved them over, slightly dreading the concerned looks you knew they would give you.

“Hey,” Jay, who was impeccably dressed and perfectly styled as always, acknowledged you with a hug. You hugged back, barely seeing over his shoulder to see your other friends greet each other.

“If it isn’t my favourite heartbroken friend,” Jungwon teased you, grinning brightly in amusement.

You narrowed your eyes at him, playfully pointing a threatening finger at him. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” you told him. “Can we please stop talking about it?”

“We haven’t even started talking about it!” Sunoo complained. “I can’t believe Heeseung would do this to you.”

“He didn’t do anything,” you insisted. “And would you keep your voice down? They could be anywhere and I don’t want to start anything,” you added, hurriedly looking around to see if Heeseung or Hana were anywhere in sight.

“Actually, he did do something,” Jay said, earning a glare from you. “What?” he exclaimed, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying! You don’t kiss someone and then get back together with your ex two weeks later. Especially if that someone you kissed is one of your best friends.”

“Yeah,” Sunoo agreed, scowling. “That majorly sucks.”

“He was tipsy,” you reminded them. “And it was just a kiss! It’s no big deal.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that,” Niki muttered. “Aren’t you the one who said that kisses are a jumping off point into new, exciting emotional endeavours?”

“I told you that in confidence one time at three in the morning,” you reminded him. “And that was a long time ago. My philosophy has changed.”

Jay laughed. “You’re the most stubborn person I know,” he exclaimed. “There’s no way that your philosophy on anything has changed.”

“If you guys are just going to make fun of me all night, I can leave,” you said, pointing your thumb at the front door.

“Alright, fine, we’ll stop,” Jungwon allowed, though he was still smiling at your friendly bickering. “As long as you admit that a small part of you is still pining for Heeseung.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not still pining for Heeseung,” you denied. “I don’t know how many more times I have to say it before you guys understand. But I’ll say it again: I’m not pining.”

Your friends clearly didn’t buy this. “You liked him for half a year,” Sunoo reminded you – as if you needed reminding. “And what, you suddenly decided to just get over him?”

“He has a girlfriend,” you reminded them. “Even if I did still like him, there’s no point in even discussing it.”

“Okay, then prove it,” Niki, who suddenly had one of those evil smiles on his face, suggested in a casual tone.

You sighed, knowing you’d probably regret asking. “How?”

“Easy,” Niki said innocently, and that was when you knew you were in trouble. Wearily, you nodded for him to go on. “Kiss the next person who walks through the door, and I’ll believe you.”

You rose an eyebrow, eyes sweeping across the room to the front door.

It would be simple to accept this challenge, and having all of your friends drop the subject would be reason enough to just kiss a stranger. But the truth was that Sunghoon and Jay were right; you did put a lot of importance into kisses, and your philosophy on this would probably never change.

Was it worth it to ignore your thoughts on kisses, especially first kisses, just once so your friends would leave you alone?

“I bet you’re hoping that Lee Heeseung will step through that door,” Jungwon said jokingly as your friends giggled, which made you instantly make up your mind. You knew they were just being playful, and they would never actually hurt your feelings, but you wanted to end this conversation once and for all.

“If I do this,” you began, abruptly silencing your friends as they stared at you in disbelief. “You’ll never bring this up ever again? And you’ll believe me when I say I’m over him?”

Sunoo laughed nervously. “Wait, you’re not serious?”

You smiled. “Just answer the question.”

“Yeah,” Jay nodded, the others slowly following his lead, still too shocked to think about what they were doing. “We’ll believe you.”

“Fine,” you agreed, pouring yourself a new drink and knocking it back with a wince. “Let’s see who the lucky stranger is,” you added, facing the front door.

Your friends swiftly whipped their heads around in the same direction, anticipation growing. Although you were trying to play it off, you could feel your heart beating just a little faster in your chest than it had been a minute ago. At this point, your confident act had gone far enough that your pride would no longer let you out of this deal.

When the door did finally open, you had no idea what would become of the next two minutes of your life. It took only a couple minutes for the doorknob to turn, and you could feel your breath catch as you waited to see who would walk through the doorway. You could hear your friends all holding their breath beside you, equally riveted to see who you would have to kiss.

Seconds later, a tall boy with perfect brown hair came through the doorway sporting a nervous smile.

You sighed, embarrassment filling your chest as your friends whispered amongst themselves.

Of course he had to be hot.

Fate couldn’t have been kind to you even once, and had to give you a ridiculously good-looking guy with amazing style and kind eyes to kiss in front of all of your friends.

He was dressed head-to-toe in black, the colour making his skin and brown eyes stand out even from a distance. You had never seen him before, which didn’t surprise you considering how big your university was. Luckily, this made your situation just a little less scary.

If you had never seen him before, chances were that you’d never see him again. And even though a little voice in your head was insistent that you were lying to yourself, you had to push those thoughts away. At that point, you couldn’t let your doubts stop you; you had to act now, think later.

As he closed the door behind him, he was met by the excited cheers of a few guys you didn’t know, and as your eyes swept towards them you could see Heeseung dancing with Hana. Admittedly, Heeseung’s presence added just enough doubt for you to falter in your steps towards the stranger.

Perhaps there was a tiny bit of truth to what your friends were saying. Perhaps what Heeseung did to you really did hurt a little.

Making up your mind, you placed your drink down on the kitchen counter and approached the boy, your friends buzzing with excitement behind you. The boy spotted you, sending you a friendly if not slightly confused smile.

“Um, hi-”

“Can I kiss you?” you asked him once you were directly in front of him, forgoing any sort of greeting or explanation. His eyes widened in shock, taking a moment to register your words.

Only after you spoke did you realise that the boy might reject you. Instantly, goosebumps rose on your skin at the thought of embarrassing yourself further.

To your relief, he said: “Yeah,” nodding his head once. You couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful he looked like this, lips slightly parted and pupils blown. That was all it took for you to grasp the lapels of his leather jacket and kiss him.

Despite the fact that he barely had any warning of your intentions, the stranger kissed you back, meeting your lips with equal fervour. You leaned into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he cupped your face. Even though you had never kissed this boy before, he was doing an excellent job at convincing you to do it again. He seemed to be thinking something similar as he pulled you impossibly closer.

Maybe you were right all along about first kisses being significant.

“Hi,” he greeted you breathlessly once you pulled away, thumb caressing your cheek. You felt out of breath and a little light-headed, but your stomach was warm and throbbing with butterflies.

The second his lips curved into a perfect smile, you knew you were in trouble. There was no end to those the butterflies.

“I’m Jake.”

Even his name was pretty.

Up close, his dark brown hair was swept perfectly away from his forehead and his brown eyes seemed to almost glow in the crummy entryway lights. He had pretty, pink lips and a pointed, perfect nose to top it off. The black top and jacket he was wearing made is creamy skin look even more flawless, and it took all of your self control to not pull him in for another kiss.

You could hear your friends cheering you on, causing an embarrassed flush to cross the tops of Jake’s cheeks. He let out a shy laugh, searching your eyes as if he was memorising them and sliding his hands to hold yours.

God, he’s perfect. Where on earth had this man come from? Heaven?

“Hi Jake,” you replied rather breathlessly, wondering how you were supposed to get out of this predicament. There was only one thing for it: “Um, your fly is open,” you lied, thinking on your feet as quickly as you could.

When Jake took his hands from where they were linked with yours to fix this non-existent mistake, you took your chance to escape.

[10:21pm]

niki: holy shit!!! you kissed him!!

sunghoon: i am both scarred for life and incredibly impressed, y/n

heeseung: omg what?? who did y/n kiss??

sunoo: DIDN’T YOU SEE???

heeseung: OBVIOUSLY NOT

heeseung: who was it?? tell me, tell me

jay: we don’t know who, it was just the first person to walk through the door

heeseung: YOU’RE LYINGGG

jungwon: it’s true!!

sunoo: was he a good kisser?? 😏

sunghoon: it sure looked like he was 😏

y/n: no comment…

niki: ASJFGK Y/N WHAT

y/n is offline (10:25pm)

“I’m sorry but I don’t get it,” Jay said, eyeing you suspiciously as you took your laptop and textbook out of your bag. It had been two days since the party, and you were actively doing your best to bring as little attention to yourself as possible, just in case you ran into Jake. “You’re telling me that you had an amazing first kiss with a literal stranger, and you made up some dumb excuse to get away from him?”

Your head jerked to face your friend, frowning at his accusation. “I thought it was a pretty creative excuse, thank you very much.”

“Y/n.”

“Jongseong.”

“Oh, you’re calling me by my legal name now?” Jay said, raising an eyebrow. “It’s that serious?”

“I thought I kissed a stranger so that you guys would stop bothering me,” you reminded him pointedly, opening your laptop to a new document as your Professor made her way to the front of the room.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Jay grinned victoriously, twirling a pen in his hand. “It was specific to not bothering you about the whole Heeseung and Hana thing, not to stop bothering you altogether.”

“You should change your major to law,” you mocked playfully. “Since you’re so good at remembering the clauses of our agreement.”

“Did you feel butterflies?” Now it was Jay’s turn to mock. “When he kissed you? You felt butterflies and your heart was racing, right?” he accused, relishing in the deadpan stare you sent him.

You wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug smile off your best friend’s face, but you loved him too much to actually do anything to make him stop smiling.

“That’s nothing,” you said in a hushed tone, not wanting to draw your Professor’s attention to yourself. “I felt butterflies, so what? I was nervous about kissing a stranger and had those anxious butterflies before he even walked through the door.”

“Alright, fine,” Jay conceded, dark brown eyes skimming what your Professor had projected onto the screen. Then, he met your gaze and you could see the mischievous glint in them. “Just answer this: did you feel any butterflies when you kissed Heeseung?”

“No, but he was tipsy and I don’t like him like that,” you rolled your eyes, nudging him in the arm when snorted. “So, I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Fine,” Jay tried to hide his laughter. “Then I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just suggest that you might like that guy you kissed.”

Just as you had predicted, you didn’t see Jake again.

The first week after your kiss, you had walked around campus with extreme care to avoid him, but your university was huge and you didn’t even know what department Jake was in. Even if you tried to avoid him, you didn’t know how you would go about doing so. Soon, you grew confident that you wouldn’t unexpectedly run into him at any point and continued on with your daily routine as always.

On the Monday two weeks after the party, you were running late for your first class. Of course this was the class where you didn’t have any friends that could save you a seat, so when you arrived at the crowded lecture theatre, there was only one available seat left. It was wedged between two guys you hadn’t seen before and was a real pain to get to, having to squeeze past a whole row of seated students to sit down.

With a huff, you took your seat and started pulling your notebook and pens out of your bag.

“Hey,” the guy next to you whispered.

You hummed absentmindedly, still taking taking your supplies out as you glanced sideways, eyes widening when you recognised the guy as Jake.

He was wearing a white sweatshirt and a beige baseball cap that he wore backwards, and the brightness of his clothes made him look drastically different from the night of the party. Though he was still just as handsome, he seemed more approachable and friendly in this more casual style.

To your surprise, Jake didn’t look upset to see you. In fact, he looked at you with a bright, excited grin as if you didn’t kiss him and run away with a bogus excuse only seconds later.

“I’ve been wondering,” he began but was cut off by your Professor starting his lecture. Awkwardly, Jake cleared his throat and turned his attention to the front of the room.

You reminded yourself to do the same, having trouble dragging your eyes from the boy you had shared a frightfully amazing kiss with.

Focusing on your class was nearly impossible.

The seats in the lecture hall were cramped and small, only having a small half-table attached to every chair. You could feel the way your right leg pressed against Jake’s for the entire class. Every time he bounced his leg in boredom or shuffled in his seat, his thigh brushed against yours and made your heart jump a little.

The last thing you wanted was to get flustered, but your body seemed fixated to his every movement, which made ignoring him tedious and borderline impossible.

Trying your best, you mumbled everything the Professor was saying back to yourself so you could focus enough to actually take notes and find out what would be on your midterm. Jake glanced at you from the corner of his eye, grinning at your adorable habits and observing you shamelessly once he realised you weren’t paying him any attention.

Resting his head on his hand, which was supported by the table his elbow was propped on, Jake continued to keep an eye on you throughout the rest of the lecture, not caring if he missed out on anything. After all, asking for your notes would just give him an excuse to talk to you should he ever need one.

The moment your Professor dismissed you, you threw your pens into your bag at lightning speed and grabbed your books in your arms, trying to get away from Jake as quickly as possible.

“Hey, wait a second,” Jake called after you, jolted by your sudden haste. He fumbled with his own belongings, shoving them into his backpack absent-mindedly before rushing down the stairs after you. “Where are you going?” he wondered with what seemed to be a permanent smile, easily catching up to you thanks to his long legs.

“I have another class,” you told him as he walked down the corridor beside you. You weren’t exactly lying, you just left out the part about your class not starting for another two hours.

“Oh, okay,” he replied, mumbling a small excuse me as he passed the other students in the cramped hallway. “I just wanted to make sure, do you remember me from the other night?” Jake asked since you didn’t show any sign of recognition. “You walked right up to me and-” with widened eyes, you covered his mouth with your hands, freezing in place.

A few students grumbled but reluctantly manoeuvred around the two of you.

“Don’t say it,” you warned, wide-eyed. You couldn’t believe that he was about to say it out loud; just thinking about you walking right up to him and kissing him made you want to hide under a pile of blankets.

Jake raised an eyebrow, gently removing your hand from his mouth to reveal a laugh. His hands were soft and warm, matching his energy. The mental list you were, unintentionally, keeping of all his perfections was growing by the second. “So you do remember! I was beginning to think that you forgot all about me.”

You glanced down as he intertwined your hands, thinking back to how he did the same thing after you kissed. It was impossible for you to forget him, but you weren’t about to tell him that.

“Where’s your next class? I’ll walk you,” Jake suggested, eyes bright and curious when you looked back up at him. You had approached him so confidently the night of the party, and it was endearing for him to see you so flustered and unsure now. He had thought you were pretty cute that night, but now you were downright adorable.

“That’s okay, thanks though,” you turned down his offer, pulling your hand away without trying to seem too rude. “Anyway, I’ll see you around,” you added, quickly making a beeline for the exit of the building and leaving Jake behind, confused.

You had an odd habit of running away from him just as things were getting interesting.

When your second class of the day ended, you were thoroughly looking forward to grabbing lunch and forgetting about the day. Against your own will, you had spent most of your class thinking about Jake, and the last thing you wanted was to spend the entire day ruminating on the same subject.

You had made plans to get lunch with your friends at your university’s dining hall, and you immediately booked it over to your usual table when you saw how crowded it already was.

“Hey guys,” you greeted tiredly, placing your bag on the floor and taking a seat next to Jungwon. He was munching on a carrot with an uncontrollable grin, earning a weird look from you. “What’s got you all excited?”

“Look who Heeseung invited to lunch,” Jungwon said instead of answering your question, gesturing a few chairs down by jutting out his chin.

And of course when you looked to see who he was talking about, you met Jake’s bashful gaze.

He was sandwiched closely between Heeseung and Niki with a lunch tray in front of him. Heeseung sat beside him, oblivious to everyone’s mischievous anticipation while Niki was practically bubbling over with excitement on Jake’s other side.

“This is Jake,” Heeseung introduced after taking a sip of bubble tea, not knowing that the two of you were already, shall we say, closely acquainted. “We met at the start of the semester. He was looking a little lonely so I figured he should start joining us for lunch. He just transferred all the way from Australia!”

Niki, who couldn’t contain his elation, blurted out: “Look Y/n! It’s the guy you kissed the other night!” As if you had no idea who Jake was. Niki grinned so widely that you could barely see his crinkled eyes.

This caught Heeseung’s attention, causing him to choke on the tapioca pearls he was chewing. “I’m sorry what!” he exclaimed after hitting his chest a few times, staring at Niki with wide eyes.

You squinted up at the ceiling, wondering if there were any gods, fairies, or wizards in the world that could teleport you out of this situation. And maybe get you some new friends.

“I know subtlety isn’t exactly your thing, Niki, but don’t make Jake uncomfortable,” you said with pleading eyes.

Jake, who was turning a little red at the attention, suddenly realised that he had been ambushed by your friends. “So that’s why you guys looked so happy to see me,” he mumbled to himself, the gears in his head turning. “And here I was, thinking you guys just wanted to be my friends.”

“Aw, we do want to be friends,” Sunghoon assured the newcomer to your group sympathetically. Honestly, he had only talked to Jake for fifteen minutes before you arrived and he already really liked the Aussie boy. He was charismatic and kind, laughing genuinely at all of Sunghoon’s lame jokes without judgement. “However, teasing our favourite friend Y/n comes above all else on our list of priorities.”

Nobody else realised it, but this was the first time that Jake heard anyone say your name. His eyes flitted over to where you were playfully scowling at Sunghoon, feeling his heartbeat quicken when you momentarily met his eyes.

“Y/n?” Jake asked, and you almost melted at the way your name rolled off his tongue. Your eyes widened at his sentimental tone, caught off-guard by your bodily reaction as pleasant chills went down your spine.

Jake thought you were beautiful.

“Hold up,” Heeseung ignored Sunghoon’s quip, holding both hands in the air. “Jake is the guy you kissed at the party?” Heeseung repeated, looking back and forth between you and Jake several times. “How exactly did I miss this?”

“It’s not like I live tweeted the event for everyone to see,” you reminded your friend, trying to get through the conversation without hiding under the table in embarrassment.

Taking notice of your slight discomfort, Jay spoke up. “It was a dare,” he explained, playing the kiss off as no big deal. “Besides, it was all in good fun, right? No need to keep obsessing over it.”

“Right,” Jake agreed, also becoming aware of the fact that you wanted the conversation to be over. “It’s all good,” he assured you, sending you a smile. “This seriously explains a lot. Even though I appreciated the enthusiasm, you guys were freaking me out a little,” he continued, taking the attention off of you.

The change of subject was so natural that nobody noticed it except you.

“We weren’t that bad,” Sunoo protested, lips pouting.

“You were pretty bad,” Jake insisted. “You giggled uncontrollably when Heeseung introduced me and I thought you were going to leap out of your chairs at any moment because of how excited you were.”

“Yeah, Niki totally blew it,” Jay agreed instantly, jokingly glaring at the youngest of your friend group.

“Hey,” Niki whined, eyebrows furrowing together. “Maybe I was a little excited, but it was Jungwon who kept making eye contact with me and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.”

“Maybe so!” Jungwon agreed. “And what about it? At least it was subtle!”

“It really wasn’t,” Jake laughed, wholly entertained by your friends’ bickering.

“It was subtle enough that Heeseung didn’t even notice,” Jungwon retorted with a smirk.

At this, you had to grin. “Like Heeseung counts,” you said with a giggle. “He’s too busy dreaming about Hana to actually pay attention to anyone around him!”

“Hey!” Heeseung exclaimed, shocked that he was the one being criticised all of a sudden. “I- Actually, you know what, that checks out,” he confessed, having the decency to look a little embarrassed.

Soon enough, the eight of you were eating your lunch and discussing mindless topics comfortably with one another. You were grateful that, even though your friends looked forward to teasing you about Jake, they were behaving normally enough that you could enjoy your lunch without feeling uncomfortable.

When you got up to put your tray away, Jake got to his feet and followed you. “So,” you said after building up the courage to make conversation. “Australia, huh?”

“Yeah,” Jake nodded. “It’s been a pretty big change, but I love it here. The campus is beautiful and it’s so nice to be in the middle of a big city.”

“Well, I’m glad you like it so far,” you smiled politely.

“You weren’t drunk, were you?” Jake asked suddenly, feeling awkward even bringing it up. “The other night?”

“No, I wasn’t,” you assured him. “I mean I had a few drinks but that’s not why I- Yeah.”

“Can I ask what happened? Jay mentioned a dare?”

“Yes. Um, basically, Heeseung and I had a little tipsy kiss a few weeks ago and then, like, ten days later he got back together with his ex-girlfriend Hana. Everyone kept acting like I was really upset over it and stuff, so they agreed to leave the subject alone if I can prove I’m over him,” you rambled on, feeling nervous about Jake’s close proximity to you.

“Oh,” Jake nodded in understanding. “So you like Heeseung?”

“No,” you shook your head. “I mean, I did for a few months, and I thought he liked me too. But I guess not,” you shrugged your shoulders. “It’s okay, though. It’s not a big deal, I’m over it, and we’re still friends.”

“I get it,” he said. “Thanks for explaining, you didn’t have to give that much detail so I’m glad you trusted me to tell me all that,” Jake smiled that perfect smile again, and you almost melted into a puddle on the floor.

“Listen, I’m really sorry my friends cornered you like that,” you apologised, embarrassed on behalf of your extra friends.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jake interrupted you, already predicting what you were going to say. “They seem nice and they clearly care about you a lot, so we’re all good. Are the two of us okay?” he wondered, taking your tray off your hands and clearing it for you. The moment your fingers brushed, you could feel the familiar tingle of butterflies in your stomach.

Startled at how easygoing he was, you could only nod. “We’re good,” you said quietly, overwhelmed by how much this boy was affecting you.

“Cool,” he beamed, stacking the empty trays and turning to face you. “So, what’s your major?” he wondered before rambling on about how he was figuring out if he wanted to double major in physics. All the while, you could only follow him, feeling yourself drawn to him as if you were magnets.

Soon enough, Jake was a regular member of your friend group and sat with you for lunch everyday. At first, Niki and Jungwon would tease the two of you whenever you sat next to or opposite each other at the lunch table, but after a week the novelty wore off. It didn’t take long before Jay was their new target, teasing him for his style or purposely making him angry for their own entertainment.

In a strange turn of events, Jake was actually starting to make the class you shared bearable. What you thought was going to be an awkward semester of avoiding him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday turned into him saving you a seat and you lending him your notes.

“So,” Jake said on Wednesday, throwing his expensive bag carelessly onto the ground and taking the seat next to yours. You jumped at his arrival, almost knocking your laptop to the floor if it wasn’t for Jake’s quick reflexes. “Sorry, you alright?” He added, catching your eyes. When you nodded, he went on. “So, I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with me.”

“A movie?” you echoed, thinking it over. “Yeah, I could probably go tonight. What did you have in mind?”

“We could watch the new Doctor Strange movie,” Jake suggested, eyes sparkling at the idea. “Or the new Top Gun movie! But honestly, I’m pretty flexible so we can go see whatever you’re into,” he added.

You hummed, looking up movie times on your phone and finding a showing of Doctor Strange that would be perfect for your schedule. “How does 9pm sound?” you offered, showing him the mostly-empty theatre seats on your phone.

“Perfect!”

You selected seats close to the back and smiled, “This is going to be so much fun! The boys and I haven’t been to a movie in forever because our schedules never line up,” you explained, texting your group chat and sending a screenshot of the movie tickets you bought for everyone.

Jake paused. “What do you mean?” He asked, already dreading your answer.

“Since we all have such different majors, we always have exams at different times and our schedules don’t sync up. We missed the showings for Spider-Man No Way Home because of it! But luckily, all eight of us are free tonight so we can all go see Doctor Strange together!” You explained happily, watching all your friends reply in excitement to the group chat.

“Oh, so it’s like, a group activity,” Jake realised, frowning as he sulked in his seat. “Fun.”

“So fun!” you agreed, oblivious to his disappointment.

This obliviousness went on for several weeks, and Jake wasn’t sure if you genuinely had no idea he was pursuing you, or if you were just avoiding the subject. He decided to just be upfront about it.

“Y/n,” he called for your attention as the two of you lazed around under a tree on campus on a particularly sunny day. Your head was resting on his lap as you closed your eyes while Jake was stuck to his physics textbook. “Do you want to go on a date with me?” he asked, watching patiently as you processed his words and your eyes snapped open.

You sat up, leaning back on your elbows and glancing at him. “Are you serious?”

“I’m really tempted to say No I’m Jake but I’ll refrain,” he joked, earning a small smile from you. “I’m serious. I don’t know if you realise it, but I’ve been asking you on dates pretty regularly. You tend to just invite all of our friends to come with us, which makes it less of a date and more of, well, nothing.”

“Those were all dates?” you asked, genuinely startled by this piece of information.

“All of them,” Jake confirmed.

“Doctor Strange?”

“Yes, Doctor Strange.”

“The puppy café that day it rained?”

“Yup.”

“Studying in the library?”

“All four times I initiated it.”

“Movie night in the park?”

“I actually didn’t mind that you brought the guys since it was fun, but yes.”

“The concert?”

“How you even found six extra tickets is beyond me, but yes. The concert, too.”

“Oh,” was the clever line that you came up with at this realisation, and Jake practically swooned on the spot. How you couldn’t see he was absolutely enamoured by you was beyond him, but he was enjoying your confused expression too much to voice his thoughts. “I didn’t realise.”

“I know,” Jake laughed. “That’s why I figured I’d just tell you to your face this time.”

You hummed, nodding slowly, your brain still processing what was going on. “Good call.”

“I like to think so.”

“Can I think about it? Before I answer your question,” you wondered, wanting nothing more than to find Jay and ask him about what the hell you should do. More than being your emotional support best friend, Jay also had a much sturdier, mature head on his shoulders and always seemed to know what to do.

“Take all the time you want,” Jake assured you. I just hope you feel the same way.

When it was time for Jake’s afternoon class, the two of you parted ways. He went to go meet Jungwon for coffee before their lecture, and you headed to the library to make some sense of what your Professor had taught you that morning.

It was perfectly peaceful until the double doors of the library were flung open, banging loudly against the walls and making everyone in the library jump out of their seats.

When you spotted Niki racing over to your seat you hid your face in your hands, embarrassed. “Y/n!” you heard a frantic yell of your name, sinking into your seat to escape the numerous eyes on you.

You loved your friends, you really did, but they drew way too much attention to themselves for your taste. Especially your youngest friend Niki, who didn’t really understand the definition of discretion, and therefor never applied it to his behaviour.

“Dude,” you hissed, dragging him into the seat next to you with wide eyes. “This is the library,” you emphasised. “I know you don’t come here that much, but it’s pretty common knowledge that you’re supposed to be quiet when you’re in here.”

“Whatever,” Niki rolled his eyes, reluctantly lowering his voice. “I heard that Jake asked you out on a date! When are you going?”

“How the hell did you already hear about that?” you couldn’t help but wonder. “You know what, never mind. And for your information, I don’t even know if I’m going at all.”

“What do you mean you don’t know if you’re going?” Niki asked, deeply disappointed by your response. “You like Jake, Jake likes you. It’s simple maths!” he added with excessive hand gestures that you couldn’t quite make sense of.

“Jake’s not my type,” you lied, making Niki snort.

“Sure, then what is your type?” he challenged you, crossing his arms sassily to make a point.

“Bad boys,” you said the first thing that popped into your head. “Bad boys with motorcycles. You know the kind, long hair, beards, look like they only shower every couple weeks.”

“Gross, thanks for that mental image,” Niki grimaced. “This is just like your big fat crush on Heeseung all over again!”

“I did not have a big fat crush on Heeseung,” you corrected.

“Sure,” Niki replied in a disbelieving tone.

“Do you want me to have a crush on Heeseung?”

“No!”

“Good! Because I don’t. And I’m not going to let you pressure me into going on a date with Jake,” you said, turning back to your notes. “End of conversation.”

Niki snatched your notebook from the table before you could stop him, tossing it carelessly on the floor behind him. You exhaled through your nose, exasperation growing.

“Continuation of conversation. Look, I’m glad you’re not upset about Heeseung, but you must be feeling something now that Jake asked you out.” Niki was insistent.

“Why?” you asked. “Why does everyone want me to feel something for Jake?” You wondered, recalling the conversation you had with Jay only a few days after you kissed Jake at the party.

Your friend’s eyes softened, a small frown appearing on his face. “Because for a while there, it seemed like Heeseung liked you too,” he said quietly. “And he didn’t tell you a thing about getting back together with Hana, which was really mean of him. And we all just want you to be happy with someone nice, like Jake.”

“Okay,” you allowed, feeling your heart soften at the rare show of sincerity from Niki. “Maybe I have feelings for Jake. And maybe I considered agreeing to go on a date with him. But I don’t know if it’s a good idea, and I’m still thinking it over. Nothing’s off the table yet,” you promised Niki, wanting his sad, puppy-eyed expression to go away.

“You promise?”

“Yes,” you emphasised, smiling at Niki’s concern. “You’re very sweet, Niki, but I need to make up my own mind about this. Seriously.”

Niki shrugged, getting up to pick up your notebook. “If you say so,” he sang, passing the pages over to you and smiling. “Are you coming to the party tonight?”

“Yeah,” you told him, flipping your notebook back to the right page. “Sunghoon told me that he’s only going if I come, so, it’s my duty as the group introvert’s comfort friend.”

“Great, I’ll see you tonight,” Niki waved at you.

“Didn’t you come here to study?” you asked, taken aback by how quickly he wanted to leave.

“Nah, I just came to check on you,” he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. After replying to a few texts, Niki smiled and sent you a one-handed finger gun before leaving the library.

You grinned at the sight of him tripping on his way out the door, not expecting to have received so much love from Niki of all people.

“I got a pretty concerning phone call from Niki this afternoon,” was what Jay greeted you with two hours later. The two of you had agreed to get something to eat before the party that evening and you texted him to be ready for you to talk his ear off.

“That can’t be good,” you replied, raising an eyebrow as you read the menu of the little pizza shop you decided to try for the first time.

Jay laughed, recounting how Niki had called him because he was worried about you and didn’t want you to feel like you were alone in this decision, and how he was concerned that you would mess things up between you and Jake forever. “You have to give him credit,” Jay mused. “He certainly knows how to dial up the dramatics.”

“No doubt about it,” you agreed readily, deciding on your pizza and letting Jay order for you. “Alright, go on.”

“What?” Jay asked, placing his napkin in his lap as you looked expectantly at him.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Y/n my dear, you’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

“Seriously,” you whined, whacking him with your menu. “I want to know what you think about Jake asking me out.”

“Why does it matter?” Jay dismissed easily, acting like he was usually uninvolved in your major life decisions and hasn’t spent hours trying to convince you of his opinion in the past. There was a particularly harrowing incident in which you jokingly suggested that polka dots were making a comeback, and you still got chills thinking about how fashionista-Jay had annihilated you. “He didn’t ask me out, so why should you care what I say?”

“Oh come on,” you said, unconvinced that he was truly not going to share his thoughts with you. “Jay, you’re my best friend. Why are you sitting this one out?”

“Because I want you to make up your own mind,” he replied easily, unbothered by your protests.

“That’s the funny thing about having a best friend,” you began in a faux-excited tone, clasping your hands together on the table in front of you. “They’re supposed to know your mind better than anyone else! So, what’s the verdict? Yes I go out with Jake, or no I don’t? Let’s hear it.”

“Y/n,” Jay sang your name, unable to help the small chuckle that escaped him. “Why is it that you need my validation?” he wondered. Sure, you had asked him for advice on most of your other issues, but your love life was usually something you were very independent with. “You’re right, I am your best friend. That’s why I know that you need to make this decision yourself, and not let other people get in your head so much,” Jay declared, not wanting to make you feel like he was telling you off.

“I love you Jay, but I kind of want to hit you right now,” you sighed sadly, knowing he was completely right.

“I know, and I love you too,” Jay said, giving you his most sympathetic smile. “Do you want to split some cheesy garlic bread?”

“I think that would be wise,” you agreed, slumping in your seat and frowning at your predicament.

“Okay,” Jay nodded, flagging the waiter down as you lazily stirred the melting ice around your glass. “Listen, you’ve got this,” he encouraged, noticing how disheartened you had become at his declaration of neutrality. “We can still talk about it! I want to hear why you’re so desperate for someone to make this decision for you.”

“I don’t know,” you lied. When Jay scoffed, you rolled your eyes and decided that it wasn’t even worth it to lie to the one person who could see through your every falsehood. “Okay, fine. I want someone else to make this decision for me because I’m shit scared.”

“Everyone’s shit scared,” Jay retorted.

“Not Jake,” you reminded him. “Jake is kind of fearless. At least when it comes to this sort of thing. When we met for the first time after we kissed, he had no problem expressing his interest in me. He held my hand and offered to walk me to class, and it was just so overwhelming to see his pretty, puppy-dog eyes gazing down at me as if I was the answer to all his prayers.”

“That’s probably because you are the answer to all his prayers,” Jay laughed, thanking the waiter when he brought you the cheesy garlic bread. “Jake really likes you.”

“I like him too,” you allowed for more honesty. “And I want him to be my boyfriend.”

“I’m pretty sure he’d be into that too,” Jay teased you.

“Yeah,” you smiled to yourself. “I don’t know if I want to be his girlfriend, though,” you said cryptically, not knowing if you were making any sense. “Does that make sense?”

“Not to me,” Jay replied, blunt as always. “Doesn’t have to make sense to me though, I’m not dating Jake.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to be someone’s girlfriend,” you tried to explain yourself. “I know that Jake’s going to be an amazing boyfriend, I have no idea if I’m going to be a decent girlfriend.”

“That’s the funny thing about dating,” Jay said, mocking your faux-excited tone from earlier, clasping his hands together just as you had. “You’re not technically anyone’s girlfriend yet. You’re just floating somewhere in the realm between friends and something more. You’ll figure out when you want to be his girlfriend together.”

“Oh,” you said under your breath, actually understanding what Jay was trying to say. “I guess you’re right.”

“Always the tone of surprise,” Jay murmured with an affectionate eye-roll.

After some gentle convincing, Sunghoon finally stepped into the party and awkwardly started bopping his head to the beat of the song blasting overhead. If you didn’t know him personally, you’d have no idea that Sunghoon had extensive dance training.

“Hey,” Heeseung greeted you happily, passing you a cup and pulling you into a side-hug. “I see you managed to get Sunghoon through the door,” he added, motioning in your friend’s direction with his head.

You grinned, taking a sip from the cup and finding your favourite drink inside. “It’s my specialty,” you joked. “Where’s Hana?”

“Oh, she’s probably around here somewhere,” Heeseung casually waved your words off. “Finding someone to dance with, I’m sure,” he added.

You frowned. “What? Did something happen between you guys?” you wondered, concerned at the way Heeseung’s joy seemed to be slowly drained from his body.

“We broke up,” Heeseung explained, pausing awkwardly before adding, “Again. Actually, she broke up with me because I’m too clingy or something like that? I don’t know, I kind of disassociated from that conversation after she began recounting all the times I was unbearable.”

“I’m so sorry,” you said, pulling your friend into a proper hug and gently patting his back. “For what it’s worth, you’re really awesome and definitely too good for her,” you added, wanting to encourage your friend when he seemed so upset.

“Thanks,” Heeseung mumbled, gently pulling away and sighing. “That’s enough about me. So,” he dragged the word out. “I heard something just a couple minutes ago that I thought was interesting,” Heeseung mentioned, grinning knowingly.

“Don’t even mention who I think you’re going to mention,” you warned, knowing that this was about Jake asking you on a date. You had received several pointed texts from Jungwon and Sunoo already, and you weren’t sure if you could hear it anymore. “I’ve already had enough from the others.”

“Alright, fine,” Heeseung chuckled, finishing his drink off with a smirk. “Actually, since we’re both chatting, I wanted to apologise to you,” he added, leading you to a slightly quieter area of the living room where the music wasn’t reaching as loudly.

“Apologise for what?” You wondered. You and Heeseung had always been good friends, but you weren’t particularly close recently.

Heeseung’s expression turned embarrassed as he carefully avoided your eyes by glancing down at his shoes. “Kissing you and getting back together with my ex a couple weeks later?” He phrased it like a question, voice lilting at the end of his sentence.

“Heeseung,” you started but were quickly halted.

“No, I need to do this,” Heeseung maintained. “I never acknowledged how much that sucks, and I’m sorry that I even put you in that position in the first place. I thought that you had a crush on me back then, and even if it’s not true it was wrong of me to exploit that. Especially since we’re friends. So, yeah, I’m really sorry, Y/n,” he said, finally having the nerve to meet your eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” you assured him, flicking his bicep with a grin. “I forgive you. That feels like forever ago, anyway.”

“Maybe it was forever ago, but it was still wrong,” he replied with a shrug, gently flicking your arm back.

“That’s okay, I’m over it,” you promised.

“So we’re good?”

“We’re excellent, Heeseung.”

“Great,” he beamed at your assurance, pleased that the two of you could go back to normal. “Since we’re good… Don’t be mad but I really do have to ask what’s going on with you and Jake,” Heeseung pleaded, inadequate at holding back his curiosity.

You groaned, “Nothing is going on with us! Absolutely nothing.”

“Why not?” Heeseung whined. “The two of you are great together, and he clearly likes you, so I don’t really get why you’re not together.”

“How can we ever be together? He’s perfect,” you exclaimed, the mere mention of Jake already lighting your skin on fire as your face warmed.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong I really like him and I’m glad I brought him into the friend group,” Heeseung said, smiling at the thought of meeting Jake for the first time. “But he’s not perfect.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re not in love with him,” you waved him off.

“So you are then?”

“What?”

“In love with him.”

You blinked, “Did I say that out loud?”

Heeseung smirked, “Loud and clear,” he confirmed with a wink, knowing you had been caught.

“Shit. Well I guess I can’t take it back at this point,” you shrugged, earning a booming laugh from your friend.

“Let’s just say he’s perfect, for argument’s sake,” Heeseung began, thoughtfully. “Why should that mean that you can’t be together?”

“Because pretty soon he’s going to realise that I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be there when the illusion that he has of me is shattered,” you confessed, something that you had been too shy to even tell Jay. Perhaps the alcohol was helping you a little, or perhaps you felt like you had closure with Heeseung and could finally confide in him like you used to. “Once the novelty of our little flirtation wears off he’s going to realise that he doesn’t actually like me.”

“You know what, I think he might surprise you,” Heeseung argued.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because people always surprise you, it’s kind of in their nature,” he shrugged.

“Damn, you’re wise when you’re tipsy,” you mumbled in surprised, a little moved by his comment.

“Damn straight, it’s why I kissed you,” Heeseung joked, earning a hard slap in the shoulder. “Ow!” he exclaimed, clutching the spot where you struck him. “On that note, I’m gonna get out of here because I think Hana’s about to start making out with my Chem Lab partner. Give me a call if you need someone to talk to,” he excused himself, eyes narrowing to a corner of the room that was just out of sight for you.

“Thanks, ‘Seung, you too,” you said your goodbyes, deciding to go check on your friend group’s resident introvert to make sure he hadn’t run away.

Once you were sure Sunghoon wasn’t going to book it out of the party, leaving him with Niki and Sunoo to hype him up, you stepped outside to get some air. As you tucked your hands into your jacket pockets and scanned the area, you noticed an unusual sight that clashed with your worldview.

“What is that?” you asked, spotting Jake on the sidewalk near the house the party was hosted in.

He grinned. “A motorcycle,” he explained, leaning against the vehicle, looking impossibly cool.

Somehow, the image of him with the motorcycle was a complete juxtaposition; even though he looked the part with his black leather jacket and thick, leather boots, you couldn’t get the image of Jake wearing a fuzzy teddybear sweater to class out of your head. Sweet, bubbly Jake riding a motorcycle? Even now, you couldn’t imagine it.

You laughed. “I know it’s a motorcycle, what are you doing standing next to it?”

Jake shrugged. “It’s my motorcycle.”

“Shut up,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“Why?!”

“That is not your motorcycle,” you denied.

“Yes it is, actually.”

“When did you get a motorcycle?” you asked, more laughter bubbling out at the incredulous image of Jake buying a motorcycle. You knew he was rich but dropping cash on a motorcycle when he had previously never expressed any interest in one? That was too much, even for Jake.

“When Niki said that bad boys are your type,” he joked, picking up a helmet.

You paused, remembering the terrible, unconvincing excuse you had given Niki earlier that day in the library. “That’s not funny.”

“I mean it!” Jake insisted. “What you said really woke me up, I figured that it’s time to step out of my comfort zone and try something new.”

“Really?”

“No, it’s my friend from class’s motorcycle, I’m just keeping an eye on it while he picks up his girlfriend from the party,” Jake admitted, a large grin growing on his face once he realised you were starting to believe him.

“I knew it!” you exclaimed, pointing at him and sniggering.

“Is it really so crazy to imagine me on a motorcycle?” Jake wondered, pouting slightly at the thought of you not thinking he was attractive enough to pull off the bad boy vibe.

“No, it’s not crazy at all,” you admitted. “I guess I just didn’t really think it sounded like you. When I picture you, I picture you in a soft sweatshirt, not riding a vehicle that goes 300 kilometres an hour.”

“Aw, so you think about me often, then,” Jake teased, stepping away from the motorcycle to lean closer to you, just over the fence that surrounded the house. “And I shouldn’t change to better fit your type?”

“Of course I wouldn’t want you to change,” you said softly, meaning every word.

The teasing glint in his eyes was replaced with something gentler as Jake cleared his throat, averting his gaze with reddening cheeks. “Good to know,” he mumbled.

Now it was your turn to tease him. “I see how it is,” you began, grinning. “You can dish it out but once the attention is back on you, you retreat so quickly,” you joke, taking your hands out of your pockets and resting them on the wooden fence. “Like I said, you definitely aren’t a bad boy,” you added, leaning in closer.

“And bad boys definitely aren’t your type,” Jake countered, raising an eyebrow and trying to hide the pink flush on his cheeks.

“Maybe not,” you agreed, loving the way he looked when he was flustered.

“God, I had no idea this is what you were going to be like when I first saw you,” Jake laughed. “So forward out of nowhere.”

“Me walking right up to you and asking for a kiss didn’t tip you off?” You wondered with a chuckle.

“Ah,” Jake held a finger up to stop you. “But that’s not the first time I saw you,” he retorted.

“What do you mean? That’s the first time we ever talked.”

“Yeah, but I had already noticed you before,” he confessed for the first time. “We have that class together three times a week. I noticed you and thought you were really pretty and smart for, like, six weeks before you ever talked to me at that party,” Jake admitted to your great surprise.

“Are you being serious right now?” you wondered, eyes widening. “You’re not just messing with me?”

Jake shook his head. “I met Heeseung in a different class and he noticed that I seemed to have my attention on you when we crossed paths, so he invited me to that party so that he could introduce us,” he admitted, revealing the real reason he came to that party the night you met.

“Wait, Heeseung knew that you liked me?”

“He sure did,” Jake confirmed. “And in the end, he didn’t even have to introduce us. Because what do I know, the moment I walk through the door, there you were. And you were asking me to kiss you, without knowing that I couldn’t possibly refuse you.”

“That’s what he meant when he said you might surprise me,” you realised, finally understanding why Heeseung suddenly seemed so wise and knowledgable tonight. “He knew that you liked me before anybody else did.”

“Exactly,” Jake nodded, and the satisfied grin on his face made you want to kiss him.

“Let’s go out,” you decided on the spot, wanting nothing more than to spend every second with the man in front of you.

His eyes widened. “Yeah?” he exclaimed, startled by your sudden declaration.

“Yeah. Tomorrow, the day after, next week– let’s go out.”

“I think I’m free,” Jake agreed. “And if not, I’ll clear my schedule.”

“Oh really?” you laughed, taking the lapels of his leather jacket in your hands, just like you had the first time you kissed him. “Even your plans to go motorcycle shopping?”

“I’ll just take you with me,” Jake replied easily, brushing his thumb across your cheek. “So you admit, I’d look cool on a motorcycle?”

“What can I say? I guess bad boys are just my type,” you winked, letting Jake pull you in for a kiss.

note: this literally took me forever to finish because i kept losing motivation, but i hope that you enjoyed this fic! this is the last fic i’m posting before i go on a writing hiatus but i will be back with more fics in september 💜

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taestefully-in-luv · 1 year

Text

Our Time | JJK (Six)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 10.4k

Warnings: ANGSTY chapter ahead. swearing, frustrations of amnesia, detailed descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of blood, mentions of child abduction, lots of crying, confrontation, allusions to infidelity within marriage, feelings of betrayal, mention of suicide/death, obvious alcoholism, umm I think that’s it.

a/n: happy valentines day💕 (I haven’t slept yet so its still vday for me hehe) this is not a romantic chapter at all but I hope you still enjoy it. Thanks for those who have been patiently waiting for this chapter since ive been dealing with a lot lately. Well, I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

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Generally speaking, light can serve as a symbol of life.

When there is light, it touches and beautifully blinds with bright, shimmering hope. But for you, your eyes have cast any ray of shining light away. And your entire view has been enveloped in the arms of darkness.

If light is a symbol of life but you and your soul are being carried on a ferry across the river of Styx towards the underworld…then is it safe to assume you are no longer living?

Have you truly died on the inside?

And this is your stygian reality?

Because now, in your world, light no longer exists.

You’re thankful for those people who know how to naturally calm others down. Those people who remain collected during a crisis. Those people who can snap someone out of there demise even when they’re rattled as well. Those people who remind you to breathe even when they’ve forgotten.

Well, Subin is not one of those people.

“He knows we’re coming, right?” Subin aggressively tries to exit the parking lot of the market, her eyes going everywhere yet you aren’t so sure she’s even seeing properly.

“I—I talked to the nurse, s-she said to come now. The doctor should be free…fuck, I hope.” You look out the window, your head spinning while your chest grows tighter and tighter.

Breathing with calm, even breaths is hard.

It’s even harder because Subin is tense, her fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel as she tries to catch her own breath.

She’s always been the type to cry when others cry. Panic when other’s panic. So on and so forth.

You try your hardest to take a breath before speaking, “Can you drive?” You rest the side of your head against the window, your vision looking blurrier and darker. “J-Just pull ov—”

“—Shit, I’m so sorry, y/n.” Subin’s voice shakes, her eyes trying so hard to stay focused on the road. “I’m okay. I’m okay. You’re okay?” She quickly glances at you, “You’re okay, right?”

You rest your palm against your rapid heart, eyes squeezing shut at the pain and discomfort your chest is feeling. You need to breathe. Relax.

“I-I’m fine.” You say as composed as you possibly can. “Water? Water? Do you…do you have water in here…?” You tiredly lean your head back, chest rising and falling quickly. “I feel sick.”

“Sick?” Subin clears her throat, though she’s panicking herself, she tries to get her shit together. “Like how?” She glances at you again, “I think there’s a bag behind your seat. Throw up in it if you need to….”

“Water, Subin.” You feel your throat closing in on you, “Do you have—”

“—Um,” Subin keeps one hand on the steering wheel while the other frantically feels the sides and below her car seat. “I think there’s a bottle…” She continues to search, the car slightly swerving but you hardly notice. “Here!”

You manage to open your eyes, sudden relief filling your veins when you see a half empty bottle of water. Subin pushes it towards you before she’s urging you to have some.

“Drink slowly.” She keeps a worried eye on you while driving as quickly as she can to the hospital.

The moment water begins trickling down your throat, you feel the dizziness that’s consumed you start to subside.

With half of that bottle of water in your system, your vision is less blurry and less dark.

Literally speaking, darkness doesn’t have a veil over your eyes any longer.

But figuratively speaking, not even an ounce of light shines in your world at all.

You still can’t breathe. Because how could you?

How could you with the knowledge you currently have?

You’re convinced you’re having a heart attack…Doctor Lee, however, isn’t convinced about that.

“You’re just panicking.” He tells you softly, his eyes trained on your expressions. “It’s okay. This is completely normal, y/n.”

You quickly shake your head, refusing to accept that it’s only your emotions here that are the problem.

“This is normal…” He reminds you again, a gentle hand patting your back. “Once you accept that this is normal, it’ll get easier to control it. You’re overwhelmed and that’s okay.”

“I-I can’t breathe.” You manage to tell him, fingers tugging at the collar of your shirt. You wish you could tear off your clothes, your skin, all the feelings that bombard you.

“You can breathe.” Doctor Lee brings his hand towards his own body, he motions upward now with both hands as he urges you to inhale deeply. “You’re breathing right now. You’ve been breathing this whole time…even when it was hard, you’re still breathing, y/n.”

He’s…right. Since the market, since the car, since waiting for Doctor Lee to show up in this tiny room—you’ve been breathing the entire time.

You try to nod, swallowing hard but it hurts.

Actually, it seems the physical pain is disappearing while emotional pain begins to sink it’s teeth into you. Pain is pain, you realize.

“Good,” Doctor Lee keeps his focus on you, “Can you give me a deep breath?”

You nod, trying your hardest to inhale a breath but it’s sharp and poisoned.

Your eyes slam shut, your entire body closing in on itself.

“Try to let go of a long breath for me,” Doctor Lee’s voice is soothing, “Feel everything. Gather all of it…and let it go with a long, long breath. Can you do that?”

Feel everything and let it go? How could you do that?

“I can’t.” You shake your head, eyes still slammed shut. “I just can’t.”

“You can.” He tells you, voice still calm. “I’m not asking you to sort through all your emotions right now and just let them go. No,” Doctor Lee sighs out for a moment before he’s pulling his chair out right in front of you and taking a seat. “I’m just asking you to recognize you have them and release them for a moment. That way you can gain more strength for when you eventually have to grab them again. You can’t get stronger if the panic you feel burdens you, y/n. Let’s breathe…”

You open your teary eyes, teeth digging into your bottom lip as harsh breaths make your entire body grow weaker. Doctor Lee looks pleased just at the fact you’ve opened your eyes. He nods his head with a tender smile before he starts breathing with you. In and out. Slow and rest assuring.

You aren’t sure how long it takes for you to have calm breaths again.

Doctor Lee doesn’t rush you. He gives you time and space to collect yourself. He’s aware that you are here because some memories have flooded your brain. And he’s aware that it had you drowning. He has told you countless times to reach out to him the moment something like this begins. You guess he anticipated this kind of reaction.

“Just in case, I still want to run some tests. I’ll get nurse Choi to do labs.” Doctor Lee is scribbling onto his clipboard, but his eyes are still on you. “I know today has been scary for you but I’m sure your results will be fine. It’s always better to be a little more precautious, don’t you think?”

Your limbs are weak, draped over this uncomfortable chair as you give Doctor Lee a noncommittal nod. All of your energy has been drained from your body. Leaving you weak and helpless.

Doctor Lee’s pen comes to a slow stop, his lips turning down as he eyes you. “Hey,” He calls out slowly, your eyes barely lifting to him. “I’m afraid it’s going to be like this…overwhelming. Scary. Emotionally, physically draining.”

You stare at him with empty eyes.

“But this is a good sign, y/n….” He says and you can tell he isn’t necessarily happy to say it. “Your memories are in there and they’re going to start leaking out…and it won’t always be easy.”

You muster what little energy you have to scoff to yourself, “No kidding.”

“It just…it means that the chances of all your memory returning is a lot greater. They can all return to you.” He says much softer. You don’t respond though, making Doctor Lee sigh out in defeat before he’s placing the clipboard down. “This first time will probably be the hardest. It’s the first time you’re receiving new information.”

Your eyes meet his when he says that. Your brows slowly pull together as you think about it. “Well, kind of.” You admit to him. “I remembered a cat…” the space between your eyebrows creases further as you try to make things make sense in your head. “Actually…I have a question.”

Doctor Lee nods immediately, his attentive eyes on you. “What is it?”

“Is it possible to remember some things but not others?” You ask, but shake your head as soon as you ask it. “I mean…for example, I remember a cat that I shouldn’t remember. I only remember the cat though. I don’t remember anything else about the timeline of this cats life. You know, the things happening around this cat.”

Doctor Lee furrow his own brows, trying his best to make sense of what you’re asking.

You try to explain further, “I remember this cat. But I don’t remember that at the same time as this cat, I was also married.”

It seems it finally clicks, his mouth falling a little open as he nods. “I understand.”

“It’s just…the thing I remembered today…I remember certain details but there’s so much still missing.” You pause, the gloomy pressure once again in your chest but you take a deep breath. “Is it…” You meet Doctors Lee’s gaze again. “Is it possible that my brain blocked out an entire person in my memory? But I…” You can feel the tightness returning. “I….I have memory of this person existing within things but I don’t have actualrecollection of this per—person.”

You shouldn’t feel ashamed the moment you see Doctor Lee’s eyes fill with pity.

“You know,” He clears his throat, blinking away the pity he feels for you. “The brain is truly such a complex thing. Your memories might come to you with no warning and things might not always make sense. Eventually, you might be able to piece some together. And yeah, I’d say it’s entirely possible not to have all the knowing details when you remember an event.”

“Then—”

“—But don’t be discouraged that things will always stay that way. Like you’re going to live your life solving some puzzle.”

Your eyes sting the moment he says that. You’re realizing how true that feels for you…like you’re just a player apart of some game. But you aren’t even sure you have all the puzzle pieces to even play.

“As overwhelming as it is, this is a good sign. Your memories will most likely return. And maybe even soon.”

You realize he’s saying this as if it’s a positive.

But you aren’t so sure that you even want them to return anymore.

“It might take Nurse Choi a little while to get your labs started…she’s doing some rounds right now.” Doctor Lee takes a look at his watch, “But I can grab your friend from the waiting room if you’d like me to? You’d be less bored waiting in here.” He smiles.

Though you cannot return his smile, you agree.

You know Subin is in this tiny room with you. You watched when one of the nurses brought her in. But even still, you jump in your chair when she calls out for you. Her worried eyes glued to you but you’ve barely noticed. Too busy sorting through the things you’ve seen in your head.

“Are you…” Subin’s voice is delicate over the harsh and rough thumping of your heartbeat. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You are okay. Because you weren’t experiencing a heart attack.

But are you okay? No, not at all.

You keep staring at nothing and Subin can do nothing but worry in the chair next to you. Her eyes anxiously darting around while you tap your foot against the floor impatiently.

“y/n…” Subin says your name softly, her concern overflowing. “You—”

“—Exactly.” You give a curt nod, “They must be real.”

Subin frowns when she realizes you aren’t listening to her.

“They have to be real because…” You tear your gaze away from the abyss and bore your eyes into Subin’s. “She said my name, Subin.”

Subin tilts her head, gears working in her head but her confusion only grows. “What?”

“I just…” You drop your eyes back to the floor, focusing on nothing again. “I keep thinking that maybe my brain is making up the things I saw in my head.” You say quietly, your words feeling heavy on your tongue. “It wouldn’t be a first time…” You try to reason, more to yourself. You recall the boat, the lake, the scream, the shadow…what was real and what wasn’t? “I keep trying to think that my brain is just throwing out theories again.”

Subin shifts in the uncomfortable chair, “What…what do you mean?”

You sigh, a hand rubbing at your face tiredly. “I’m thinking of reasons.”

“Reasons?”

You drop your hand to your lap, an uneasy expression falling over your face as you glance at your friend. “A reason not to hate Jungkook.”

Subin’s eyebrows immediately pinch together, “W-Why?”

You close your eyes for a moment, trying your best to take a deep breath. You hate that your heart feels miserable in your body right now. It’s screaming and it’s crying. Your heart’s loud, pathetic sobs are bouncing off the walls of your ribcage and you don’t know what to do to put it to rest.

“I have nothing.” You whisper. A heavy feeling begins clinging to you like a cloak you cannot shrug off. “I have no excuses for him.” Your voice cracks, eyes still closed. “I know why I blame him for Haru and I know why we divorced.”

“What? Why?” Subin is suddenly more alert. You hear the way her chair screeches across the tile as she brings herself closer to you. “Are you sure? What…what is it?”

You finally open your eyes, head tilted back as you stare up at the ceiling now. “Nabi.”

It’s silent for a moment. You wonder if Subin heard you or not so you finally turn your head to face her but she looks even more confused.

“Nabi?” She finally gets the name out in question. She tries to think about it but after a moment she gives up. “Who’s that?”

“The girl from that café you like.” You tell her, “She was our server the first time we went together.”

Subin sits back in her chair, her brain trying to understand what you’re saying. “Okay…a girl from the café is why—”

“—I knew I knew her.” You cut her off, eyes going back to nothing as you focus on Nabi. “She was so familiar and I had no clue why. But she said we didn’t know each other. And I am almost so certain she never heard my name.”

Subin shakes her head, leaning towards you. “And then what?”

“Then I ran into her at the store and I saw so many things.” You get the words out quickly and stop just as fast. You saw a lot of things. Too many things. “I…” You try to speak again but your throat is burning and you heart is crying again.

“You think she had something to do with Haru?” Subin asks you, concern clear in her voice.

“I…” You pause again. Your chest is feeling tight all over again but you can’t risk losing your ability to breathe now. “She also has to do with my failing marriage.” You keep your eyes low.

“Your marr…” Subin’s words get quieter before her hand goes to your shoulder, “Are you saying that Jungkook knows her?”

You scoff, trying your best to remain calm. But your voice betrays you, “Considering he was cheating on me with her then yeah, I-I would say so.”

You’re startled when Subin is standing from her chair, concerned eyes forcing themselves to you, “Woah, woah. You don’t really think…” She shakes her head, rejecting the entire idea. “No, you are not saying Jungkook—”

“—I don’t want to be saying that, Subin.” You snap at her, your eyes growing watery as your voice shakes. “But that’s what I’ve—I’ve seen. M-my brain showed me so much and that’s why I…why I keep thinking maybe they aren’t actual memories. That I don’t actually know her.” You feel you are starting to lose control again, your breaths coming out faster. “But Subin,” Your face twists and your heartache is seen. “She said my name. She knows my name. She knows who I am.”

Subin takes a seat again, unsure of what to say.

“If we know each other…then it means maybe what I saw was…” You swallow hard but not choking on your words is fucking hard. “It was m-maybe real then.”

“But I mean…are you really sure though?” Subin rests a hand over your shoulder. “I’m sorry but…is what you’re seeing…you know, reliable?”

You feel yourself grow weak and small in this chair. Your body slumping over and slightly sliding down as you try to think of a proper response.

“I mean,” Subin’s fingers give you a comforting squeeze, “I’m not saying we shouldn’t trust what you’ve seen…but it’s a tricky situation.”

You know you are dying inside. Truly, even if a flickering light that might have been keeping you alive until this moment has shut off. Because you wish you could agree with her and let that thought alone comfort you. But again, you aren’t ignorant. And you won’t start now.

“No, they’re memories.” You tell her, eyes on the ground. “I know they are. I feel them.”

Subin’s hand drops from your shoulder, a sad and soft ‘oh’ spills quietly from her mouth.

You try to straighten up in the chair, letting a deep sigh roll off your body. “But until I talk to Jungkook…I can’t really confirm it. Even though I know. I need to talk to him.”

“Can I…” Subin scoots her chair closer to you again, the legs pushed against the legs of your chair. “Can I ask what you saw? Why you think that…that Jungkook was having an affair? And what does it…” She softly trails off, her voice clearly unsure.

“And what it has to do with Haru?” You finally face your friend with sad, blood shot eyes. “He was with herwhen Haru was supposed to get p-picked up.” You continue to stare at Subin, her heart breaking when she sees how you try to hold back tears. “Isn’t it crazy that I know that? That I know about Haru? But I don’t fucking…” You stop when your throat burns too much, words refusing to leave your mouth. You fight through it regardless and finish what you are saying with broken words and a broken heart. “B-But I don’t f-fucking know him?”

Subin eyes you with pity and you’re sure you’ve received this all before.

“I remember seeing them together. Multiple o-occasions.” You admit to your friend, voice shaky. “It’s hard to tell though…from my memory if it was in person or pictures, videos, I don’t know. I know I confronted him and he just…” Your expression twists miserably. “He could n-never prove to me that my assumptions weren’t—weren’t right.”

“But that doesn’t me—”

“—M-Motel rooms…so many f-fucking secrets, Subin.” You finally properly choke on your words because of a quiet sob in your throat. “A pregnancy test?”

“A what?” Subin’s face falls, “A preg—no, maybe you—”

“As much as I want to believe Jungkook w-wouldn’t…” You slam your eyes shut and finally, several warm tears manage to fall from your closed lids. “But there is so much evidence against him and he could n-never fucking prove...”

“Okay, okay.” Subin’s sweet voice turns even more soothing, her hand returning to your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, y/n.” She whispers, “Seriously…I wish this wasn’t…”

“No,” You straighten up again, your hands desperately wiping at your face. “I won’t mourn y-yet when I haven’t talked to Jungkook.”

Because somehow…even with your bones screaming the truth at you.

You still want to believe in him.

At least until you are forced not to.

~~~

Subin parks right in front of your house, her worried eyes going between you and Jungkook’s car that is also parked here.

“We left for the grocery store and came back emptyhanded…” Subin nibbles her lips, her concern growing. “What if he’s like ‘why don’t you have my chips?’ or something…”

You slowly turn your head to eye Subin, eyes narrowing at her before you deadpan, “Then I’ll just ask him why he cheated on me.”

Subin’s mouth immediately falls open.

“Or something.” You say before unbuckling your seatbelt. “Anyway, thanks for taking me to the hospital…might end up there again,” You glance out the window towards your home. “Depending how this conversation goes…”

“y/n…” Subin’s hand lands on your shoulder, stopping you from opening the passenger door to get out, “I just…want to say again how sorry I feel…” Her hand slowly drops when she notices your distant gaze and then she quietly clears her throat. “I hope it’s not what you think but regardless…I’m here for you.”

You finally meet her eye and you can see her sincerity but the best you can do for her right now is give her a small nod of appreciation before you’re opening the door.

And even though the car door feels heavier than you recall, you still get it open. But your body almost refuses to move. Once again, your brain is sending signals. Telling your body not to go in there. Because you won’t like it. Your brain, mocking you again. Keeping secrets from you because it’s playing some kind of sick and twisted game.

You’d think your brain was helping you, because of all the signals, but you know that isn’t the case. You know it’s just trying to get a scare out of you because why else would it keep your memories away if not to play with you?

“Hey,” Subin calls out softly, “You can do this…”

And she’s right. You can.

Walking through your front door, you have to keep reminding yourself silently over and over to stay strong. Though the urge to break down, falling to the floor while misery consumes you wholly is strong but you don’t. Because you can’t. It would be a bit premature to have the full on meltdown your body is begging for because you still need to face Jungkook.

The moment you close the front door and begin slipping your shoes off, your nose is suddenly invaded with a savory aroma. You glance up, eyes in the direction of the kitchen when you finally realize Jungkook must be cooking. It smells good, you guess. But no matter what is cooking in the kitchen, it’s not good enough to take away any of the pain you are currently feeling.

“y/n?” You hear your name being called. Jungkook’s voice is one you’re used to, one you find comfort in, one you love—so why did you flinch? Why is your body warning you? Signals from your brain again? That fucking dickhead brain of yours. You stand up straight again, eyes still in the direction of the kitchen when you try to take one long, deep breath.

“y/n!” You flinch again. Frozen in your spot, unable to make your feet mood forward. You stare at the wall ahead and anticipate Jungkook turning the corner and seeing you. You anticipate seeing his face and you anticipate the instant dread you will feel upon seeing him.

“y/n!” He sings your name cutely this time.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

You finally let out an incredibly shallow breath because Jungkook finally appears from the kitchen, his face lit up in excitement when he meets your eye.

“Hey!” He walks towards you, his hand sliding across the top of the sofa as he gets closer, his eyes glancing around. “Subin in the bathroom or something?”

You need to breathe.

“—Well, since you’re making me my favorite homemade cookies,” He continues chatting with a grin, excited glint so obvious in his eyes. “Which are a dessert. I figured I could make dinner.” He turns to look towards the kitchen, sheepish expression on his face. “I’ve made this dish a hundred times but…” He turns to meet your eye again, his hand lifting to scratch the back of his neck, “Only after we were married. So it will be new for you. But um,” He looks down, sheepish smile still on his face. “It’s actually Haru’s favorite.”

You haven’t moved a single muscle.

You haven’t said a word.

You have barely had an audible breath.

Still, Jungkook looks happy in his own world when he brings up your son.

Your son that you can’t even remember.

“I figure I could share some more stories tonight…about us, Haru…” Jungkook keep his eyes on his feet, still scratching the back of his neck. Almost looking shy. “Well, of course if you think you c…could…” Jungkook trails off when he finally lifts his eyes towards you but he isn’t met with same you that left for the store a few hours ago. He’s met with a you that he almost recognizes. Like he’s seen this expression before. On the you, that only he really knows.

“y/n?” His brows slightly pinch together, confusion draping over his features. “Are you…” He glances around again, “Where’s Subin? And where’s the things from the store?”

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

You didn’t realize you were capable of being a coward.

You want to move your feet. You want to open your mouth to speak. Hell, you want to blink. But you aren’t capable of anything. Except being a fucking coward.

Because you are afraid. You’re terrified. For more reasons than you can count.

You’re imprisoned, once again.

“Hey,” Jungkook studies your face, his concern evident. “What’s going on?”

Feeling a bit hesitant, Jungkook still walks closer to you. His concern only growing because you still don’t move, you still don’t make a sound, you still stare at him with wide eyes.

You stare at him and you only have one repeated thought that wanders around in your head. How easy would it be? How easy would it be to live ignorantly? The thing you have always refused to do. How easy would it be? How easy would it be to pretend your ‘memories’ are just theories that you brain is throwing out for fun? How easy to only trust Jungkook. And not yourself.

“y/n…” Jungkook’s eyes fill with worry. “Are you…” He lifts a hand towards you and you watch as it rises towards your face but your entire body jolts when you hear a loud slapping sound. Your dry lips finally part and you’re blinking repeatedly. You shoot your eyes to Jungkook’s face, only to see his expression completely twisted.

He stands frozen in front of you, hand still hangs in the air as his eyebrows pull together and his jaw hangs slack.

Your eyes go from his face to his hand when you lower your eyes to stare at your own hand.

You slapped his hand away.

Your brain sent signals to your body and that was the result.

So, no. To answer your question—it wouldn’t be fucking easy.

You both stand here, shocked by your own action.

Jungkook’s confusion only grows deeper, his hand slowly lowering to his side again when he takes a small step back. “Oh.” He says softly, the hurt is in his voice and it makes you wince. Or cringe. You aren’t sure which.

You try to open your mouth so words can force their way out but instead you notice the feeling of pins and needles start to poke at your skin. Your fingers, your toes, your lips. Confused, you bring your fingers to your mouth, fingers barely grazing over your bottom lip where it tingles uncomfortably. You drop your hand, curling your fingers in and out as you try to make sense of what’s happening.

You stare down at yourself, your chest rising and falling quickly.

When did you start breathing again?

And when did you start breathing this rapidly?

You glance around, feeling trapped because you’re sure this room is closing in on you. Everything is beginning to feel close and suffocating, like the walls are inching closer and closer, caging you in so you can suffer. Harsh, heavy breaths are pushing past your lips now. Panicked eyes going everywhere but Jungkook. Your throat…it’s closing in on you. Just like your walls. Your throat is growing smaller and smaller, your hands quickly flying to your neck and chest, as you touch yourself desperately.

“y/n.” Jungkook is in front of you again, his eyes totally focused on you and his worried eyes grow antsier. “Hey, what is happening?” His voice sounds rushed, panicked even. “Talk to me.”

You can’t talk though. You can’t swallow your own spit. You can’t even breathe.

“y/n.” Jungkook reaches for you again, both his hands on your arms but you flinch immediately, your blown out eyes landing on him when you shove him off.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You scream out, voice shrill and uneven. “D-Don’t fucking touch me, Jungkook.” You take several wobbly steps back, your breaths still rough and rapid.

Jungkook’s hands hang in the air, holding nothing but the ghost of your body he once knew.

His eyes are boring into the empty space and you see how utterly hurt he looks.

But you don’t have it in yourself to feel compassion for his confusion. Because right now, you only see Nabi’s face in your mind, along with Jungkook’s right next to her.

You wish you could control how your mind and body are feeling right now because if it were up to you, you would be calm and confronting Jungkook with ease because you are supposed to trust him. But you can’t control your anxiety, your panic or your dread.

Slowly lowering his arms, Jungkook tries to find your eyes with his and you notice the fear plaguing them. “y/n…” He tries your name, the word falling soft and cautious from his lips. “What’s going on?”

You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, tingly lips and fingers making you feel even more strange as quick breaths force their way out of you. You need to relax. Fucking relax. You need to get it together so you can dismiss the images in your brain and fall into the arms of the man in front of you because you love him and you trust him. That’s right. Get this conversation over with so you can move on. Because surely, your brain is wrong.

“Um,” You pry your eyes open but your vision is a bit blurry from unfallen tears. “Okay…” You take several deep breaths, trying your hardest so you’ll be able to speak.

“Take your time.” Jungkook says in a whisper. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

You will be okay. You hope.

“Jungkook.” Your chest still rises and falls with each deep breath. “I-I have to…” You pause, tongue darting out to lick your dry lips. “I…I ran into Nabi at the store.”

Your words aren’t rushed as you say them, in fact, everything feels slow. Even Jungkook’s eyes widening and the fear inside them only grow fiercer seems to happen slowly. Like, the world around you is in slow motion until suddenly it’s not. Jungkook’s eyes quickly shoot down to the wooden floors as you see his mind working in overdrive.

“I know who she is.” You find the courage to say, “I ran into her before…she s-seemed familiar. But today, I suddenly got mem—”

“—What did you see?” Jungkook quickly looks at you again, panic written all over his face. “You probably didn’t—”

“—Did you cheat on…did you ch…” You stop, the words too painful as they sit on your tongue like a knife slicing it apart. “J-Jungkook were you having an—”

“—No!” Jungkook suddenly walks closer to you, his hands desperate to reach for you but he doesn’t. Perhaps, he’s afraid you’ll slap them away again. “Fuck, y/n, I—”

You see his anxiety clear as day and somehow it only makes you feel worse. Your breaths grow slower and something close to despair throws its arms around you and holds you close. “Jungkook,” You don’t want to ask it. You don’t want the answer. “Were…were you with her when Haru was taken?”

Jungkook’s rolls his lips until they’re set in a firm line across his face, his eyes closing for a brief moment and you notice regret sticking to him.

“Were you?” You repeat.

He opens his eyes again and with a quiet voice, he finally responds. “Yes.”

You suck in a sharp breath, but you try to remain as calm as possible. “Okay.” You give a curt nod, “And…have you gone to motels with her?”

He glances up briefly, jaw clenching, “Yes.”

A stab to your chest, “Okay. B-Before Haru was taken…were…” Your throat burns like acid sticks to the walls, “Were we having problems in our m-marriage?”

Jungkook’s expression twists, scrunching in panic, perhaps. “Yes.” He admits with a shaky voice.

You give a small nod before asking the question that makes or breaks this. “Were you seeing her because of a case?”

Jungkook immediately looks at you, wide, panicked eyes and you see how they fill with tears. His mouth drops open but only a shallow breath comes out. You wait for his answer. Need his answer. He quickly shuts his mouth, head turning to the side as you see him struggle to even look at you now, “No.” He finally says, the word pushed out as if he was in agony. And maybe he is.

He said no.

And just like that, you have your answer. Just like the past, he offers nothing more to ease your mind. No proof that there isn’t an affair happening. You stare at him. Lips parted and eyes blinking slowly.

Your breaths are calm. But you feel weak. Like his simple answer drained every bit of life out of your body. You almost wish you could scream, cry or even through something from the rage that must be inside you.

But it feels like there is nothing inside you.

This betrayal only has you feeling empty.

“You…” Your voice cracks, thick tears bubbling over and falling from your eyes. “You were…”

“y/n.” Jungkook finally looks at you again and he sounds terrified. “Please, please, I am begging you, to please trust—”

“—Trust you? Fine.” You cry out, “Tell me exactly what was going on then. Tell—Tell me everything!” You take a step forward, your voice clearly begging. “Explain the fuck-fucking situation, Jungkook. So I can fucking believe you.”

Jungkook stares at you, confliction in his eyes like how you’ve gotten used to.

“You can’t, right?” You scoff, tears wetting your warm cheeks. “You couldn’t then either. Y-You just can’t fucking tell me the truth, right?”

Jungkook finally breaks. His lips twisting, eyes shutting in frustration and you see his own tears. “y/n please…” He begs too, his hands going to his face, rubbing his tired eyes. “Fuck, please…you need to just….y/n…please just,” He chokes on his words, a quiet sob in his throat. “I can’t d-do this again, please…I can’t do this y/n.” He cries into his hands. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. Fuck fucking everything.”

You watch as he cries for himself. Feeling bad for himself. Pity for himself. Instead of being honest with you, he does this.

“Please trust me. Don’t trust what you’re see—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you but not myself?” You ask in almost disbelief. You might not remember everything but it seems your feelings from that time are still so alive inside you. And that’s what you’re going to trust. “You want me to believe you but not believe prior accident me? That d-doesn’t sit right with me.” You tell him.

“y/n…” He wipes at his eyes and his nose before trying to look at you, eyes afraid and pathetic, “Please don’t do this again…I can’t do this without you again,” He shakes his head, bottom lip quivering. “Please, my love.”

You take a step back, feeling overwhelmed. “D-Don’t call me that.”

It feels strange to be called that by him. Strange yet familiar. And you thought the oddness that accompanied the term of endearment is because you just aren’t used to it yet. But really it’s because he isn’t supposed to be calling you that. Not anymore.

Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, not an ounce of pain felt. “You know,” You cry out in a whisper, “I don’t remember everything. But,” You try to speak through your tears. “But this heartache feels all too familiar. You need to leave…”

And somehow the despair in Jungkook’s eyes and the terror and look of defeat on his face also feel all too familiar.

Because you have both been through this before already.

~~~

It’s been a week since running into Nabi and confronting Jungkook. A week since you’ve cried. A week since you’ve felt anything rumbling inside your body. A week since you’ve left your house. A week since you’ve ate a proper meal. A week since you’ve felt anything beyond an empty despair.

Lying in bed at dawn, you lazily poke at Haru’s robot, the cold plastic on your fingertips. You poke it in the chest, over and over, soft yet determined.

“Do you have a heart in there?” You quietly ask it, somehow disappointed when it doesn’t answer you. “You…” You softly grip the toy, bringing it closer to your chest when you sigh out. “You don’t sleep either, right?”

And in the last week, the only one you’ve really talked to is this robot. Haru’s robot. You believe the comfort you feel from talking and holding this toy is because deep down you feel its familiarity with it being your sons. But also, you find yourself relating to this robot. Both empty, skin cold like plastic and neither of you having the ability to sleep. Only the option to ‘shut down’.

You glance towards the window, the sun rising again like it always does. And you wish it didn’t. You don’t want to see the sun, you don’t want to see any light. How could the world keep on going when for you, personally, it’s ended.

Your phone has been going off all week, your friends and parents expressing their concern for your quiet mood. Your parents don’t necessarily know what’s going on but Misuk and Subin have a better idea, considering Subin was there for the first half. You have asked for space and you’ve manage to let them know every night that you’re still here. Even when you kind of don’t want to be.

Jungkook hasn’t reached out even once.

You don’t want to talk to him but the fact that he’s quiet…it feels even more solidifying that he’s guilty.

And the fact your heart is broken beyond repair and it is so completely familiar to you…tells you he’s been guilty since then.

It hurts. It hurts more than you ever thought possible. Because even with missing memories, you feel how badly this hurts. Even though you don’t fully recall your actual relationship, you feel it. How real it was. How beautiful it was. How tragic it was.

You can feel the pain as if you actually never forgot it.

And that’s why you’re choosing to trust yourself.

You barely react when your phone goes off, eyes lazily sliding over to the device that lays abandoned on the other side of the bed. You debate checking it. But for whatever reason, you reach for it and see it’s only a text from Misuk asking if you’re free today.

You aren’t necessarily ready to face anyone quite yet but still, you tell her yes. You have received a few more memories that you’re piecing together like a jumbled up story and you’d like to talk about them.

“Are you…” Misuk eyes you over, pity all over her face as she leans back into the sofa, “You know, eating?”

“Sometimes.” You shrug, “I made an iced coffee today if that counts.”

“It doesn’t.” Misuk sighs out, “Why don’t I order us something? Subin should be here any second so I don’t want to ask her to pick something up when she’s this close by.”

“If you’re hungry, sure.” You shrug again. You keep your eyes lowered, fingers picking at your cuticles.

It’s only a few minutes later when Subin has joined you and Misuk on the couch. Her antsy hands running up and down her thighs as she waits for you to answer her question.

“So?” She softly urges you to respond.

“Yeah,” You reply quietly, eyes on your lap as you look completely detached from the conversation. “My memories were right, I guess.”

You hear Subin release a long breath before she curses, “Shit…”

You shrug, “I guess my miserable life before the accident continues, huh?” You chuckle bitterly, eyes losing focus on anything.

“At first you were.” Misuk whispers, “But lately you had gotten…I don’t know, maybe—”

“—Well, I’m actually probably more miserable than before. Because I have to rediscover everything and feel each little thing…one,” You start picking at your cuticles again, “By one.”

“y/n…” You can hear the pity in Subin’s voice.

“And this time, instead of feeling upset about my probably dead child, I can just feel guilty for not even remembering him. Mother of the year.” You rip back a piece of skin from the corner of your pinky, blood immediately pooling but you don’t care. You move to the next finger.

“y/n.” Misuk says your name in shock, “You don’t believe that for one second.”

You snap your head up, “Believe what?”

“That Haru is—”

“—I don’t even fucking know him.” You spit out. “And maybe it’s best that I never—”

“—You don’t mean that!” Subin cuts in, a soft disappointment in her voice. “I know this is hard and…” She stops talking when you narrow your eyes at her.

“You know how hard this is? Oh, do you?” Your lips turn up at the corner before you nod your head, “This happened to you before? You know what I’m going through?”

“Hey,” Misuk’s voice is scolding, “You know what Subin means.”

“Do I?” You scoff. “Let’s be honest guys,” You look between the two of them. “Do either of you even know me anymore? Do I even know you anymore? You said it yourself,” You look back down to your hands, “We barely speak anymore.”

“We barely speak because of you.” Misuk points out coldly, “You shut us out. And you’re trying to do it again! Like, wow here we go again.”

Your brow arches, almost looking amused. “Again?” You spit the word out. “Well, sorry Misuk, sorry that things fucking suck and I’m not here smiling for you. Again. I barely recall the first time this all happened and you’re mad I’m fucking reacting. Mad that I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m fucking heartbroken!” You cry out the last line. “I love you but maybe let’s not act like a bitch when neither of you know what the fuck I’m going through, hm?” You raise your brows at her with icy eyes.

Misuk’s brows furrow but you see something flash across her face. It’s not anger. You don’t even think she’s offended. Instead you see understanding. She slowly nods her head, glancing at Subin before she clears her throat. “Okay, I’m sorry.” She says quietly, “You’re right…you’re totally right and I’m sorry. I guess…” She pauses.

“We just miss you, y/n.” Subin continues for Misuk, “We’re afraid to lose you again. That’s all. But you’re right, you shouldn’t have to act like everything is okay when it’s not.”

Misuk nods, eyes searching for yours, “And it’s not.” She says softly, “I really am sorry.”

You continue to stare down at your lap, lips pressed into one another.

“If you’re able…why don’t you tell us what you do remember?” Misuk tries to get you to open up again instead of shutting down. You know this. You want to answer…it’s why you let them come over in the first place.

You nod, eyes still lowered. “Okay.”

Subin reaches over and gives your shoulder a squeeze, “Whatever feels manageable. Don’t push yourself too much.”

Finally lifting your eyes towards your friends, you decide to fill them in. “I’ve been remembering a few things.” You admit. “Not actual memories? I don’t know how to explain it. Not…you know, movie scenes in my head but I remember certain things because it’s like…I just know. Does…does that make sense? No, it probably doesn’t, right?”

“Like you’re remembering facts rather than images?” Misuk asks and you immediately nod your head quickly.

“Yes!” You say with a bit of enthusiasm. “That’s exactly it. So, basically…just things I know about our—Jungkook and I’s—marriage.”

“Oh.” Subin’s eyes are eager to know more.

“Misuk was right. It was rocky.”

“I knew it.” Misuk curses, “You never really outright said it but…I kind of figured. You never were the type to admit something like that since you’re the type to solve things by yourself.”

“I guess I didn’t really solve anything.” You feel your body grow heavier. “I asked Jungkook if things were rough before and he admitted that it was. Since then, it’s like little facts are showing up in my brain out of nowhere…like his admission unlocked some part of my memories or something…”

“Were you two just fighting a lot?” Subin asks.

You try to think about it. It’s not like you remember a specific argument but you know the answer is yes. “Yeah.”

“But you think he was having an affair with…” Misuk glances at Subin, “What was her name again?”

“Nabi.” You say. “But our problems were starting before that, I think. I know we were fighting all the time. I just know. I also know he was keeping things from me. He was barely home anymore and I felt…” You chew on your lips, unsure of what exactly it was since you don’t know everything. But one word keeps popping up in your mind. “Unfulfilled.” You say, the word somehow resonating with you like you’ve said it before.

“Yeah.” Misuk agrees quietly, “You mentioned something like that in the past…way before Haru’s kidnapping.”

“Misuk,” You suddenly find her eyes, “Why did I lead you to believe Jungkook was wronging me somehow?”

“You mentioned someone else.” She tells you, “But you didn’t give me any detail. But you were so…sureabout something and I believed you. Your expression.” Misuk frowns, “I knew something serious must have had occurred because I had never seen you like that.”

You glance back down at your lap, your focus on your hands again. “I see.” Then you lift your eyes again, “I remember that at that time I was suspicious of Jungkook. Of the affair. I know I dug deeper and found things that I wish I never had…” You recall the memories that hit you at the market. “Eventually I confronted him and just like now, he was unable to give me an explanation. And I was right.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Misuk huffs out, eyes going to the ceiling. “That’s terr—”

“—And he was with her. When Haru was taken. I don’t know how I know, but he was supposed to be picking Haru up from daycare. I don’t know why I wasn’t able to but I know that it was something I needed from him…something for him to do to make me feel like he was a part of this family. But he failed.” Your words grow quieter with each syllable. “And I know that for the first time in my life,” You stare at nothing, eyes growing watery. “That I hated someone. With my entire being.”

It's quiet. Neither of your friends having the courage to say anything to your words.

You try to clear your throat and blink back any tears in your eyes before looking at them again, “But still, so much doesn’t make sense and there’s so much still missing.” You feel your heart grow weaker as you chuckle humorlessly, “And Jungkook hasn’t tried to reach out to me even once…which just feels like more proof.”

“I can’t imagine Jungkook even looking at someone who isn’t you…” Subin whispers, “He…well, I guess we don’t ever really know what goes on. I find it hard to hate him but seeing what he’s done to—"

“—I know I truly hated him then.” You cut her off with a shaky voice. “And I think I hate him now, too. But,” You search both of your friends eyes with desperation so depressing, “If I hate him this much it’s because I also,” You choke, “Love him this much too, right?” You ask the question so innocently and delicately as your voice cracks.

You let yourself feel your own question and for the first time since a week ago—you cry. You let tears fall and you let your body break. “Because—Because I do. I love him so much that its hurting me. I…I can’t even b-breathe because I love him. I can’t—can’t sleep because I love him.” You shoulders shake as you sob loudly. Almost like a child. “I can’t remember my own child be—because I love him.” You slam your eyes shut, mouth hung open as you choke on your sobs. “My brain c-can’t show my memories because I love him. He’s—he’s the only thing my b-brain wants to think about.”

At a loss for words, Misuk and Subin feel their hearts breaking in their chests. This is more devastating than the first time. They realize, you were right, this is more miserable.

~~~

It’s been three weeks since Jungkook has seen you. Since he’s seen you, his light. The only thing in this entire world that could possibly make him feel alive. The only thing in the entire universe that could make his heart beat again. You’re the only one keeping him from going insane or ending his own life. He had always held onto the hope that one day this will be behind you guys.

And then he can touch you again, hold you again, openly love you again.

But mostly, for you to love him again.

His apartment is how it always is, TV blaring with the news on. The blueish light illuminates his entire living room and lately it has been his only source of light. You, his true source, no longer rising in his sky.

It’s around four in the afternoon when Jungkook’s phone starts going off, the vibrating making his coffee table buzz. He rubs his eyes with a fist before setting his nearly empty beer bottle down to the table and reaching for the device.

Jimin.

Jungkook rolls his eyes before answering, “I told you to leave me alone.” He slurs into the phone.

“Are you fucking drunk again?” Jimin doesn’t hide his disapproval. “Going to pull this shit again, Jungkook?”

“Fuck off, Jimin.” Jungkook brings the phone away from his face and ends the call.

Not even ten seconds pass before his phone is buzzing again in his hands. He groans loudly as he answers it again, “What the fuck do you—”

“—Just fucking listen, you moron.” Jimin cuts in, “I’m already risking everything by being in contact with you. And now you’re back to your old ways.” He scoffs, “If you fuck this up, I swear I’ll come to your shit apartment and kick your ass myself.”

Jungkook drunkenly chuckles into the phone, “You don’t have to help—”

“—Help you?” Jimin scoffs again, “I’m not doing this for you and you know it.”

“Whatever,” Jungkook grumbles while reaching for his beer again and taking a swig, “What do you want?”

“Lee Jaesung.” Jimin says.

Immediately Jungkook leans forward on his couch, something more serious falling over his face before he asks, “What about him?”

“Well, he was the only thing getting us closer to this shit.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook sets the beer down again, “Does he have new information?”

“He’s dead.” Jimin informs with a bite to his tone, “Guy was found in his apartment. Apparent suicide.”

Jungkook grits his teeth, “Fucking bullshit.”

“I know.” Jimin sighs, “You’ve been MIA and I need you to get your shit together if we’re going to—”

“—Count me out.” Jungkook slurs into the phone, “I’m done.”

Jimin is quiet for a moment before he’s chuckling into the phone, “You’re really back to this, huh? You’re sad, Jungkook. I told you years ago you were going to ruin your marriage. Didn’t I?”

Jungkook grips the edge of the couch cushion, eyes growing darker as he watches the bright TV screen. “Shut up.” He seethes, “Don’t bring up—”

“—You ruined your entire life you fucking drunk.” Jimin spits at him, “Fix your shit then call me.”

Jungkook keeps the phone to his ear despite the fact that Jimin has hung up. It slides down his cheek and eventually falls to the floor as he continues to stare at the bright screen of his TV. He is here again. And it’s not like he can’t not believe that he’s back to this because it never feels like he ever wasn’t like this. This is just who he is now. It’s the him that he knows. And when you woke up knowing the him he used to know…it almost felt like he could be that person again.

Having to tell you about Haru again…heartbreaking.

But having to see you experience that same betrayal and heartache…pure utter torture.

Jungkook drunkenly reaches for the TV remote and shuts it off, the room going completely dark. His closed blinds and heavy drapes block out the sun that isn’t you. He is in darkness because in his life there is no light.

Because you aren’t here anymore.

“Yes, well, believe it or not…” You sigh into your phone, small smile on your lips. “I’m actually getting out of the house today.”

“To eat a real meal?” Misuk asks knowingly.

“Kind of?” You laugh. “I’m in the mood for coffee but like, not from my coffee pot.”

Misuk tsks, “Fine. But at least buy a cookie or something too.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You tell her, “I found a cute café not too far away. Not a full menu place with servers like the one Subin likes—not that she even wants to go there anymore—but this place is like a little hole in the wall. Good reviews too.”

“I wish I could ditch work and join you.” She whines, “But I’ll have to stick to break room coffee.”

“Sounds horrible.”

“Oh, it is.” She laughs, “But okay. I hope you enjoy the café.”

“Me too,” At this point you hope you enjoy anything.

But the world is still dark.

And you’re hoping a nice outing with a good caffeinated drink could offer a little shining light in this complete darkness that consumes you. Even if it’s temporary.

“I’ll talk to you later, Misuk.” You say before you’re both hanging up.

You look ahead, eyes on the building in front of you. You didn’t tell Misuk you’re actually already here but too afraid to get out of your car and walk inside. You aren’t sure why you’re afraid. Maybe it’s because it’s your first real outing since memories started coming to you. Maybe you’re afraid the more places and people you see, it will trigger more to unlock.

And you’re afraid of more truths that you wish would stay hidden would reveal themselves.

It’s hard but you finally manage to get out of your car and force your legs to take you inside. But the moment you step inside and you’re greeted with the smell of coffee and baked good, you immediately relax.

It’s not a busy place at all. It’s small maybe the size of your living room and kitchen combined. Just a long counter with cookies, cakes and breads that smell delicious and an artsy menu board hanging on the back wall with a long list of drinks. And along one of the walls and all the windows is small, round tables with chairs.

You take a breath before walking to the counter and a girl with bright eyes greets you with a heartwarming grin. When you tell her you’ve never been, she happily gestures to the menu and begins telling you all her favorite drinks. And she claims you must try their chocolate cookies.

“Hm,” You weigh all your options, feeling tempted by the lavender tea she mentioned. “Okay yeah, I’ll get that.”

“And a cookie too?” She smiles.

You can’t help but chuckle, it’s as if Misuk told this girl to ask you that. “Sure, a cookie too.”

“Okay!”

After you pay, the girl motions towards a wall with a bookshelf, “Feel free to browse. I’ll have you order up soon and I’ll call for you.”

“Thanks.” You smile.

You decide to take her up on it, eyes browsing this bookshelf while your fingers brush against the spines. There’s some books you recognize and a ton that you don’t. You can tell which books are popular and which aren’t—the dust giving it away.

After several minutes of looking over book titles, the girl calls you over since your drink and cookie are ready. You excitedly go to the counter, hands reaching for the items and your nose is being blessed. You can tell this cookie is about to change your world.

“Thanks!” You say before excitedly and quickly turning around to find a table when you literally run into someone. This needs to stop happening to you. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if—

“Ah, Hot! Hot!” An unexpected voice yelps, “Hooooooooly shit, that’s hot!”

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” You stare at a broad chest, a button up shirt completely soaked as you begin to panic. “Are you—Are you okay?”

The man in front of you starts airing his shirt out, trying his best for the hot liquid to not burn his chest, you’re sure. “Ooooooh,” He whistles out, “That hurts.”

“Oh my god…I’m…I am so so—”

“—No worries,” He starts laughing, still airing the shirt. “It kind of feels like that first moment when you get under a hot shower.”

You stare at his chest, completely panicked…he’s not going to press charges, right? Is that a thing? You could have seriously burned him! “Are you okay? Seriously—” You finally rip your eyes from his shirt to get a look at him.

“Seriously,” He laughs more, “I’m okay.”

You gaze at him, his smile is spread across his face while he looks down at his shirt now.

“Good thing I keep extra shirts at work.” He says before glancing back up and locking eyes with you. “No harm here.”

You feel guilt sink it. “Oh my god, I hope I didn’t ruin your shirt…will it stain?”

“You’re worried about this shirt?” He laughs loudly while his eyes crinkle cutely. “Wow, my mom would be so happy that at least someone cares about this thing. It was a Christmas present…and I’m pretty sure it was actually meant for my brother.”

You can’t help but snort, “Oh.”

“Literally only wearing it because I’m hoping something will happen to it and I can finally have a reason to throw it away.” He smiles, “And finally,” He looks up at the ceiling and pumps the air with his fists, “I can get rid of it!”

You watch him, unsure if he’s serious or just trying to make you feel better. But either way…it does make you feel better.

“Is it still hot?” You find yourself asking, eyes back on his wet chest.

“Nah,” He waves you off with a goofy grin, “Now it’s sort of just sticking to me uncomfortably and it’s cold now.”

“Oh.” You suddenly feel bad again.

“Which is great because the sun is unforgiving today, don’t you think? So hot.” He begins fanning himself, grin still on his face before he glances down to the package in one of your hands. “Is that a chocolate chip cookie? Those are the best here!”

You look down, “Oh…oh yeah. Um, it is.”

“You should probably eat it, maybe you’ll finally smile. They’re that good.” He winks at you, “Or if you drowning in guilt over here, you could always let me have a piece too and we can call this whole,” He motions between you both, “thing even.”

You stare at him for a moment, completely taken aback by his energy. He’s still smiling and it feels infectious, like you want to smile too.

And you do.

Though it is small and timid. You do.

In all this overwhelming darkness that has wrapped its arms around you, suffocating you in an unwanted embrace…all you really need right now in your life is some sort of light getting shed so you can finally see something besides your own despair.

You just need some light.

And little do you know that a bright, bright light is coming into your life.

And that light has a name.

And he goes by Kim Seokjin.

551 notes · View notes

atzfilm · 1 year

Text

clair de lune. (m) - part seven

genre; yandere, vampire!au, reincarnation! au angst, smut

pairing; ot8/f.reader

word count: 23k

warnings; manipulation, explicit scenes, murder, blood, smut, gaslighting, prior abuse/assault mentioned, knives, wounds, brief talk of religion, mass murder

summary; you’ve finally gotten the chance to enter “clair de lune”, a infamous night club to see the band hiraeth. but why did you feel like their eyes only watched you?

note: this first deals with the subject of yandere. with that being said, a lot of the things happening in this fiction will be manipulation, gaslighting, and various other techniques displayed by the characters. if you are not comfortable with that, please do not read.

masterlist | final

Chapter 7:

He balances the two fruits in his hands. In another time, maybe years from now, it’d be humorous to take the box of peaches and bring them home to you. Maybe you’d scold him but laugh after a while. But now, it’s not the case. He grimaces at the thin film coating the apples, eyes flicking to the imported country it came from. He only sighs, placing it lightly on the top of the pile and continuing down the aisle. What other fruits did you like? He cannot recall any that you’ve mentioned, Wooyoung being the one to insist on buying you peaches. It’s interesting that none of them asked you if you truly liked it, if it was your favorite fruit just as it was Rose’s. Another failure on their part, he supposes. In all honesty, he cannot recall you mentioning anything about peaches. He throws in a few vegetables he’s seen you eat without scrunching your nose, a warmth overcoming him at the image. Though you are not as close with him as many of the others, he enjoys your presence, nonetheless. If it were possible to somehow turn back time, make you see him as he is now, he would have. If it were so, maybe you’d see him in a different light. Maybe you would smile at him just as you do with Yeosang.

Or did, rather.

He sighs, placing his basket upon the counter and softly thanking the cashier for scanning. Just as he begins to bag a familiar scent fills his nose.

“How unfortunate,” he murmurs, not bothering to glance back to see the man. “We have an agreement, Han. Or are you too isolated from the others that Subin cannot reign you in?”

“Your scent has always been in its best condition.” He enters his view, leaning against the wall as he watches him pack the food. “I’d never thought I'd see the day Park Seonghwa shopped in a market.”

“Come back at the same time in a few days and you’ll see me again.” He ties the bag, eyes flicking to his old friend’s. He looks sickly in comparison, skin translucent, eyes bloodshot. Even his hair looks thin and brittle, the long strands framing his face can easily fall with a high burst of wind. At another time, he’d feel pity. On another day, he’d even offer him some blood. But all he can do is shake his head, stepping past him.

“You treat me as if we were never friends, Park.”

“What do you expect me to do, welcome you with open arms?” Seonghwa holds the door for him. “We’ve had an agreement for over a century. And as you may know, it’s been broken a few times the past few months. Not wise to come here and break it even more.”

“I have not touched one human on your side.”

“That I can tell,” his breath is long as he turns back to him. “What do you want? Blood? I cannot give it to you, you know that. Joong would kill me before even touching you. And I'd rather keep all my limbs. They're quite helpful–"

"I don't care for blood, Park. If that were the case, I would have left long ago."

He doubts that entirely on his appearance alone. But he lets him speak. There's little chance for anything other than a few jabs here and there. Maybe an insult. "What do you desire then?"

"y/n is leaving," he starts. "Asking how I know is a moot point, but everyone knows. Clans beyond just ours. We aren't sure if Sejun shared it or not, but word is spreading. She will not be as safe as you think outside your walls. Once she is away, she will be hunted. Every vampire desires to taste the blood of the descendant of the first woman who was turned. Especially since she belongs to you all. It will not end well."

It is as he expected. Seonghwa grips his bag, thinking. The first thought is to tell Hongjoong, have him come up with a plan. The next, perhaps tell you of the danger? Have you stay longer in their care? He doubts you'd even consider it. But what other choice does he have? Letting you step outside and die? Seonghwa’s gaze moves to your old best friend's.

"What are you gaining out of telling me this?"

"Protection."

If his brows could furrow tighter, they would. "Pardon?"

He sighs loudly, glancing behind him before turning back around. "Subin is planning something big, and I need your word that you will protect me when it happens. I will do anything for my clan leader, but I cannot and will not risk my life for a woman I barely know."

"That's quite sad, seeing as she's been your friend for several years now."

"Seonghwa," He hisses.

"I cannot promise something that has no value. Unlike you, I am under the will of my captain. What he says goes. If he wants me to kill you at this very moment, I'd do it without hesitation. My loyalty is solid. I am sorry." And it is genuine. Having to nearly beg on your knees in front of your enemy for your life is not what he wishes upon any. It goes beyond pathetic. Almost revolting as he sees the defeat in Seungwoo's gaze.

"Will any of you ever think for yourselves? It's been hundreds of years and you are still under his thumb. It's pitiful. Especially for you, Seonghwa. He will never look at you the way he looks at her. Sooner or later you'll see that he will pick her every time."

His grip tightens around the bag in his hand. "My interpersonal relationships are of no consequence to you. And you're telling me things I already know. Do you think that I've spent these years deluded? I know where I stand in my relationships. But it seems that you still don't," he takes a step toward him. "I feel bad for you. Your clan leader is so involved with himself that he does not care about all of you. Hongjoong could care about me the least and he will never neglect me to the point I'd have to follow my enemy into a grocery store, and beg for protection. It's laughable, now that I look at you."

His lip quips at the glare forming on his face.

"Seems like I've been wrong about you. You're the same as the rest."

"That's your fault for taking my kindness for weakness, Han. Now go before one of the others appear. They don't take trespassing as lightly as I do."

Seungwoo stands there for a moment longer. He looks as if he wants to say more, but all he does is shake his head, disappearing down the street. Once he's out of view, Seonghwa sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. Mild surprise is an understatement. He'd rather not deal with the aftermath of telling the others of his presence, but lying by omission will only make everything much worse.

He slides into his slippers just as he enters his home. There's always a few conversations happening when he enters, often Wooyoung bickering with San, or Mingi and Yunho teasing one another. But all he can hear is silence. He glances in the empty living room before entering the kitchen, placing the groceries on the table. Should he check up on you? Or have you left somewhere with the others? It's not uncommon for one of them to steal you without telling anyone else.

A door just outside the kitchen slams against the wooden pane, splintering from the force. Seonghwa winces, sighing. What happened now? He leaves his groceries unmanned, peeking out the kitchen doorway. Yunho stands there, pacing back and forth, gaze glossed over. He doesn't bother saying a word to him, Mingi stepping out of the room after him. His eyes flick to Seonghwa, widening before looking away.

Said man’s brows furrowed in confusion, “What happened?”

“He took her, hyung,” Mingi whispers, wincing as Yunho’s fist hits the wall beside him. “We were too slow, we didn’t get to her in time.” The steaming coffee in his hand spills, skin unaffected.

Without another word, Seonghwa moves past the both of them, striding down the hall. His eyes move to the small group of them crowding around your door. They step aside as he enters her room. The first thing he notices is the broken window, and no signs of you. All he could think is that you're gone. They lost you when you were underneath their roof. And he was out and about, unable to help.

Just like before.

“I’ll take care of you, y/n. I’m not like the rest of them,” his touch is rough, bumpy scars dragging along your cheek. You flinch but he only digs his nails deeper, forcing you to stare at him. Just as he leans forward, you let out a brief cry. His eyes narrow, letting you go. You tug on the metal that encases your ankles, grunting. It’s hopeless, fruitless, you know that. Especially with him standing there and watching you. But you’re desperate, your thoughts only on you leaving.

“What do you hope to achieve with this?” You ask, turning to him. “Do you think this kidnapping will make me trust you? Because I feel far from it, Sejun.”

“From what I remember you liked being tied up.”

“I am not Rose,” your tone is filled with exhaustion. It’s as if none of them listen. You’re not that woman, you’ll never be. No matter how much they desire it. “I”ll never be her. All of you need to move on for fuck’s sake.”

He laughs, shaking his head, “You don’t remember anything at all? Those little visions didn’t help you figure out that they’re fucked in the head? Vampirism doesn’t only force you to suck the blood out of humans forever, y/n. It does some crazy shit to you. Makes you believe things that aren’t true. They don't love you, never will.”

He leans against the wall. "You say you're not Rose but you are just as stubborn, just as oblivious. Though she did take the easy way out while you seem to be hanging on a bit longer," His head tilts as he loses himself in thought. "You said you were leaving, where are you going?"

"Home."

His brows furrow. "Home? You’ve decided to endanger your family because you're afraid of solving your own problems? Taking that great of a risk is not wise. They want you, and they will do anything for it. Your family will only end up being pawns. Though I am sure they know where they live, entering your family’s home is a death sentence."

"Then what can I do? They're all I have; none of my friends respond to my calls or texts, my apartment is flooded, I have nothing. All I have left is them, and I can't stay there," You can feel the tears threatening to fall. "Your brother poisoned me, you know that? He wanted me to be like them so desperately he fucking poisoned the peaches I ate."

A surprised laugh punctuates his sentence, shaking his head. "A bit of a shock, no? That kid loves human warmth more than anything. Thought he'd let you live longer than that. Must have ruffled his feathers in some way," he tsks. "Too late now, I suppose."

"Why did you pretend to be Seonghwa?" You ask, ignoring his harsh words. "Why would you try to convince me to stay?"

He shrugs, "To make you believe that I was actually him. I was taking you with me either way. Just easier for you to think I was him so we could leave without catching unnecessary attention. Unfortunately plans changed when you noticed my body temperature," he sighs, rubbing his forearm. "Pity that Hongjoong couldn't duplicate it for the rest of them. You wouldn't have noticed then."

"Why would he turn you?"

"Believe it or not," he rocks on his heels. "Him and I were good friends before this all happened. For a while. Longer than he's known the clan he's with now. Not as close, no, but I was the experiment of his. The first person he turned," his sigh is exaggerated, prolonged. "The person who made him into this didn't exactly like that. Made it so no one else could be as we are. He probably hates my existence now, but there's little he can do about it. Him and I are nearly the same age, give or take a few years. But that matters so little, so I digress."

There's something bothering you about his words. The possibility of him being the first turned is fine, sure. But it wouldn't make sense if he's Wooyoung's brother. He watches you as you think it through, head spinning. The way Wooyoung crumbled to the ground when he saw him, they must be related in some way. Devastation like that is hard to fake.

"Wooyoung and I are not blood brothers," he interrupts your thoughts, answering the lingering question. "He believes it because his captain convinced him. The reasoning is beyond my own knowledge, but I followed everything he said back then. Not as much now, since his influence no longer works on me. I've learned to ignore those deep whispers in my mind," he taps his temple. "Unfortunately, Wooyoung will never know. But lies fall from his lips anyway so he shouldn't be that disappointed."

"I saw how he looked at you, Sejun. He cares for you deeply, cared. He thought you were dead. He’d be broken if he found out the truth." The way his hold trembled against yours in that shop, the drop to the floor due to the onslaught of emotions. "You speak of him like he's an inconvenience."

"That he is," he shrugs. "You were my goal in the end, nothing more. His attachment to a man that died hundreds of years ago is none of my concern."

"Why me?"

This time he stares, eyes flicking over your body. It chills you the way his stare hardens, swallowing slowly. "When Rose was alive I made mistakes. It's nothing I can fix nor apologize for because she's dead. And before your thoughts stray, I am not obsessed with you like the others. I acknowledge that you are different. It is just that, the thought of there being another Rose was impossible in my mind. No, in fact, it was never a thought of mine. Once she died, the horror was over. All of us would be able to live our separate lives without ever meeting again. Subin made the choice of keeping an eye on them, which was a mistake, but in a way, a good thing. Neither of us would have found out about you.

"Hongjoong has always had this obsession with things that were out of his reach. The past is irrelevant now, but much of it can explain why he is the way he is now. To put it simply: He has been in love with every iteration of you. And every time he gets close, he loses you. Rose, her mother, her grandmother. I thought the line would have ended since Rose was unable to have children. Unfortunately her soul still lives on," His nose wrinkles. "Thousands of years have only made the obsession fester rather than dissipate. Your appearance resembling Rose has only amplified his delusions. None of this is your fault, y/n. If it were possible to change your face, your soul, it would have been done already. I owe that much to your prior life,” his eyes flick over you, pained. “Saying sorry to you means nothing because you’re not her, but I am. I am deeply apologetic.”

You take in his words, eyes glued to the floor. Rose had a hard life from the glimpses you’ve witnessed. She struggled every waking moment, moreso when she met this clan. You’re not sure what happened between her and Sejun, but from the way he speaks they were involved somehow. Romantically more than likely; from what you’ve seen, Rose enjoyed her extracurricular activities. And Sejun is far from ugly. You suck in a breath, thinking. Is there any way to convince him to let you go? It may be unlikely since he infiltrated their home just to get you. So why, what is the reason?

“What are you planning on doing with me, then?”

He swallows slowly. “I owe Subin. To put it simply: I fucked up back then and ruined everything. I never got the chance to apologize to him, so I told him I’ll do him a favor. He wanted you, so I agreed. It would have been farther down the line, but Hanse is dead now. He only has a few left in his clan and he doesn’t want to risk any of them. So he asked me to get you. I’m supposed to bring you to him right now actually, but I wanted to speak to you alone. Hopefully get a look into that head of yours, and see what you’re thinking. So far there’s nothing interesting.”

“An insult, how kind of you,” you frown. He lets out a chuckle, shaking his head.

“I can see why it’s hard for them to tell the difference. You’re more alike than you think.”

“The restraints then?” you gesture to them. “Do you expect me to run? I wouldn’t get far, anyway.”

“You still tugged on them a bit. And it’s easier to speak to you without having to chase you around this room," he slides down the wall, sitting. "Maybe try to change your mind about going back to them after this all blows over."

"... I'm not going back."

He chuckles dryly, "Right. Just like the sun isn't going to rise tomorrow. Listen, Subin is going to attempt to kill you."

"What the fuck?" You pull harshly on the chains. "And you expect me to just agree?"

"Who the hell would agree to that?" He scoffs. "No, I'm warning you before we get there. Just because I owe him a favor doesn't mean I'm gonna let you walk in there blind. Rose back then wanted him to kill her if she was close to turning, and he agreed to it. In his mind he believes the promise is still valid despite you two being different people. Tell him no, and agree to his plan that he suggests otherwise. We will move from there."

"We, there's still a we in this? How can I believe anything you're saying?"

He stands, moving closer to you. He tugs lightly, chains immediately falling apart in his grip. "There's no reason for you to. You shouldn't believe any of us in all honesty. All of us have our agendas. Mine just happens to line up with yours. I don't want you to die. Not like this. Not again. Suffering in another life because of all of us. It's hard to believe I know that, but what options do you have? Subin, the kid that wants to bury you? Your newly adopted clan that's willing to turn you into one of them without your permission? Again? Rough choices."

You rub your wrist as you look up at him. He crouches and pulls off the restraints around your ankles. There are choices. You can run, eventually get caught by one of them. Try to kill them, though you are very aware of how that ended for Rose. And you have less than half of the confidence and strife she had back then. You couldn't even watch the man who poisoned you suffer, unlikely you'd be able to hurt any of them yourself. Running home. Risking your family– No. You look at Sejun. You cannot trust him, but what else can you do? What other choice do you have?

"I don't trust you."

"I know."

"All of this, in the end, will I be free?"

He stares at you. "Honestly? Probably not. I might die before we get to the end. Actually, I'm pretty sure I will when Hongjoong finds me," he rubs the back of his neck. "But I'm not afraid of death. It's been long enough. I'll try my best to lend you my knowledge before I go. I'll leave the rest to you."

There's something else.

"Sejun," you start, slowly standing. "What were you to Rose?"

He grins, "An asshole ex, y/n."

“Did you…?” You don’t say the words.

“I had a temper back then. I hurt her accidentally plenty of times, yes. But after the first time, is it really an accident?” He keeps his gaze to the floor. “I hurt her even if I thought I didn’t mean it. I did it. Just another part of her suffering back then. I’d do anything to change back time, somehow remove myself from Hongjoong, from her life. I deserve to suffer twice as long as she has. I can help you now.”

"We have to get her."

"No," Hongjoong adjusts his coat, frowning as he pulls off a dust ball. "She made her choice. She wants us gone, she wants to leave, then let her. No more rescue missions, no more devoting our hours to her. Let her go."

Seonghwa narrows his eyes, "You have to understand that I do not believe a word falling from your lips."

Hongjoong snickers, shrugging. "Then that is so. Either way, it is unwise for any of you to go running after her. It is for her own good. She refused to trust us and our words, so she will suffer the consequences. She will see what it means to have us removed from her life."

Yeosang steps closer, "He may hurt her–"

"A few bruises never hurt anyone," he points out. "You know that well."

His hands slowly form into fists as he glares at him. Hongjoong notes this, tilting his head as he stares at his friend. "What will you do, hm? Go against my words? You know you don't have to follow them. You can run after her if you'd like. She would probably want to see you the most. As she always has."

"You will not stop us?" Yunho's brows furrow, arms crossed against his chest. "That is unlike you."

"Because I know you will see how unsuccessful the venture will be. He will not go down without a fight. He will kill every single one of you because he is nearly as strong as I. Have you forgotten? He has the privilege, he is older than you all. Human blood still runs through his veins. The only one who stands a chance is myself, and I want to teach her a lesson. So go if you like, lose your lives so that I am the only one remaining. I am sure she would enjoy it."

The others say nothing. Jongho is the first to break the silence.

"Then what will we do?"

His wild, cheshire grin stuns them. "We go to our show. We perform, and we feed. I will tell you the next step then."

“Pull yourself together.”

San watches as Yeosang paces back and forth, fists clenching and unclenching. He has rarely ever seen him filled with this much fury, thoughts seemingly scattered as he ignores every word San attempts to tell him. San tried to stop his pacing but was met with such angst that he moved out of the way, letting him continue. Yeosang runs his fingers through his hair, breaths heavy as he controls his breathing.

“It’s been days. Subin will kill her,” he starts, looking at San. “There is no doubt in it. y/n will die.”

“We aren’t certain of it—”

“He’s spoken about it for centuries, San. Centuries. A day with her isn’t going to change his mind and we both know it. She’s going to die,” Yeosang holds himself up against the wall, unable to handle the onslaught of emotions cascading from him. He’s forced himself to not feel for all this time, to push back the thoughts that caged him inside of this body, made him ill for an unknown amount of time. But how can he stand here and listen to Hongjoong? He finally has you, and he’s already lost you once more. “If she dies–”

“You will not perish along with her,” Wooyoung enters the room, shooting San a look. “Control yourself Yeosang, I thought you were over this.”

He shakes his head, gaze lifting from the floor to look at his friend. “Do not stand there and pretend all of this isn’t your fault. You poisoned her and you made me lie. You influenced my hand without my permission. When you explicitly told me you’d never use your hold against me again, you did. And now we’ve lost her.”

“I poisoned her for everyone’s sake. She would have been ours. Right, Sannie?” Wooyoung looks at his closest friend, “Isn’t that what you’ve wanted?”

San swallows softly, looking between his two friends. It’s been like this ever since Wooyoung turned Yeosang. A push and pull between the three of them, a longing in Wooyoung’s eyes as he desperately wanted Yeosang to accept him as he is, followed by refutation every single time. Growing closer with San because of it, the relationship between the trio strained. He rubs his face, thinking.

“I want her, yes,” he says simply, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with either of them. He’s learned that it is best to toe the line, never choosing a side. “But it is likely we might not ever see her again if we continue down this path.” Not until now, of course.

Wooyoung’s bright smile wavers, brows furrowing. “I don’t understand.”

“If you don’t understand his words then you never will, Woo,” Yeosang says softly. “All he has ever done is try to nurture you, to accept you as you are now, mourn who you once were. We all have at some point. But it is hard when your mind is so diluted with need for her that you cannot think properly. How many times must we go through this to try and make you see that what you’re doing is not okay?”

“I’ve been this way long enough for you to get used to it,” he sucks his teeth. “And don’t place all the blame on me. It wasn’t my idea to flood her apartment. I wasn’t the one who killed her friend. We all have a role in this. I’m sorry if you loved the pathetic man I was before, he’s been gone for hundreds of years now.”

“You call him pathetic,” Yeosang whispers. “But I called him my best friend.”

Wooyoung steps closer to him, crouching down to meet his gaze. “Called, you say? Am I no longer that? Do you no longer consider me your best friend?”

He says nothing then, the tension thickening in the room. Wooyoung takes several steps toward him, San standing in the way. He merely laughs at his friend, pushing him aside. He stands just before Yeosang, a small smirk forming on his lips.

“Do you consider me your best friend, Kang Yeosang?”

Yeosang swallows. Though he does not say it, Wooyoung can see the twitch of his lip, the slight shake of his head. It is enough to push him to the edge. His eyes darkened, red slowly fading.

“You will listen to my words now and follow them,” his fingers dig into Yeosang’s shoulder as he stares down at him. “Every word that I tell y/n you will agree is true. You will convince her that I am not as bad as she may think, and you will do it diligently. If she does not believe you after days of trying…” Wooyoung trails off, eyes glazed over. “If she does not believe you, you will leave this home. And you will not remember me being the one to tell you this."

“Wooyoung—” Yeosang’s eyes widen, trying to remove himself from his grip.

“Enough.”

They all turn to the new arrival, Yunho leaning against the door frame. He frowns at them all, lingering on Yeosang’s crouched body, Wooyoung’s grip. Said man lets him go, though there is a sly smile on his lips. “Hongjoong found out where she is.”

“Do we go against his word?”

“Is there any other way? We’ve followed along with him for centuries with little protest. Of course, there will come a time when we do not. And that time is now,” Yunho stretches his hands through the sweater, adjusting it in the mirror. “We do this on our own.”

“Hongjoong said we’d be killed.”

“And you believe him?”

Wooyoung purses his lips, eyes shifting to Seonghwa in the corner of the room. “There was never a reason for me not to."

“A lot of things you don’t know about, Wooyoung,” Yunho tosses Seonghwa his bag, scoffing at how the man dodges it, letting it fall to the floor. “He isn’t coming with us so there’s no need to worry about him.”

“He’ll tell captain.”

“Probably,” Yunho shrugs, throwing a bag over his shoulder. “Hongjoong could stop us if he wants to. Doubt it though.”

“Why?”

Yunho sighs, turning back to him. “When were you ever one to ask so many questions? You usually follow.”

“It’s…” Wooyoung’s eyes shift to Yeosang, noticing how the man is curled on the floor, eyes shut. There’s little he can do to persuade him to come unless he forces him to, but he’s dealt with those consequences already. Doing it again will only feed his benefit, and no one else’s. Wooyoung sighs, buttoning up the leather jacket he does not need, shifting his eyes to San in the far corner. He leans against the wall, watching the two of them. “How long will it take to get there?”

“Not long,” Yunho shrugs. “They brought her to our club.”

This catches the attention of the others in the room, Seonghwa’s eyes widening at the news. Yeosang still does not move from his spot, even as San nudges his body. A knock on the door interrupts them, Hongjoong standing there silently.

“Ready?”

They tense, only causing him to roll his eyes. “I wouldn’t go alone. There will be others to handle there other than Subin,” he glances at Wooyoung. “I’m going to kill him for good this time. You know that right?” He does not utter the name, but he sees how his body shifts at the thought. “Having him linger around is not wise, Woo. Especially around y/n.”

“I know,” he closes his eyes briefly. “I know that.”

“Then I need your word you will not interfere when I do so.”

He sucks in a breath, nodding. “You have it."

Hongjoong chuckles dryly. “Great. You’re staying here with Yeosang.”

“Captain—”

“Ah,” he holds up his hand, stopping his incoming rant. “No need to protest because I will continue to stand here and deny your requests until I am blue in the face. No. You’re not coming, and you’re staying with the man you’ve manipulated for months on end. These are only the consequences of your own actions, Wooyoung," he leans against the doorway, arms crossed. "Did you believe I would let you off the hook just because she favors you? I have not forgotten what you were doing. If she were not there, you would no longer be on this Earth.” He tilts his head, thinking. “I could persuade her that you are a danger and truly remove you from our sights, but that would be unfair to the others. In their minds, some part of the old Wooyoung exists beneath the one we see today. But I’ve spoken too much. Yunho, San, let’s go.”

Hongjoong does not bother to acknowledge Seonghwa sitting on the opposing side of the room, exiting without another word. San nods at the others, following behind Yunho and his captain. He shuts the door behind him, leaving the three alone.

Freedom only seems to mock you as you gaze upon it only a few steps away, lit by the fire encased inside lanterns adorning the hallways. It is of no fault of your own that you missed how eerie it truly is inside of their club; consumed by loud music and screaming concert-goers. Still you can’t help but scoff at the blatantly obvious red flags only steps away from the door. Perhaps everyone else was too intoxicated to notice the strange markings on the walls, the endless hallways. All of it brings strange feelings within you, auras of discomfort. Spending time here without the crowds of people makes it seem all the more odd. If it weren’t for Sejun pulling you into the back room, you would have left without a second thought given.

“Their allurement is what makes this place lively. Without them it only feels like a creepy box,” he says, matching your thoughts entirely. “They never needed to clean up this place; blood stains the floors and walls. Disgusting if we truly think about it, though Seonghwa himself tries his best to make it look at least presentable. Now he doesn’t have much time to do so since he spends his days with you.”

If there was a semblance of jealousy in his words you cannot find it. He drops your wrist, shutting the stage door behind him as he paces back and forth. He seems unsettled, and you don’t speak up to make him even more so. His eyes flick to you, narrowing when they meet. “Subin told me he’d be here.”

“And I was not lying about it, friend,” his voice appears just behind you, goosebumps covering your skin. You turn around, meeting the deep, tired eyes of Rose’s brother. He nods at you, glancing around to look at Sejun. “Did they follow you?”

“They’re too preoccupied in their own snags to pay attention to their surroundings. Though I’m fairly certain Jongho has figured it out by now, he seems attune to her scent the most.”

“Our time is limited, then,” Subin sighs, focusing back on you. He takes a step forward only for you to mirror him. He tilts his head back in exasperation. “They will come for you soon y/n, it’s best to end this now.”

“End what exactly? I’ve spoken to you twice in the past few months, and we never discussed anything ‘ending’. Be more specific.”

A smile rests on his face, “Never-ending in your quick wit even after hundreds of years passed.” He rests against the familiar seat, one you sat in when you first met them all; the beginning of your descent into their hands. If you knew then, you would have never accepted your friend’s invitation to the performance. Things would be different. He seems to know it as well, fingers brushing against the leather cushions.

"When you were my sister, you spoke to me about ending your life if you were ever in danger of being turned into one of them. Us, rather. Back then I was too involved with the captain to take your words to heart, but by the time I realized you were in peril I was too late. You’ve already died. I mourned for you, for the loss of ever knowing you, and I thought that was done. I accepted your fate. But seeing you now, after Hanse told me of your presence in the club, it felt like almost a favor. I have always been quite a religious man, so it must have been an act of God. He’s given me another opportunity to save you. Who would I be if I didn’t take it?”

Oh, they are all misguided, aren’t they? Sejun does not seem to believe his words either, rolling his eyes as Subin speaks.

“You believe that I would want you to kill me now?” You furrow your brows. “You do understand that we are not the same people?”

“Outer appearance does not matter, though you look eerily alike,” he notes, “It was a promise I plan to keep, y/n. There’s no reason for me to break it now.”

“Well I do have one.” You have several, in fact. “I am not her, so the promise does not hold true. And I do believe you have bigger problems. You have no more places to feed, Subin. That’s something you should be worried about.” And forget about you completely, hopefully. "Continuing to follow me around when I'm with them is not a good idea."

"You wish to be with men that would kill anyone who speaks to you?" His brows furrow. "You're worried for me because you know they'll kill me if given the chance. That's who you desire to be with? Are you sure of your choice?"

"Hongjoong said he wouldn't–" you stop in the middle of your diatribe, remembering the switch of tone, the evil lurking in his gaze when he proclaimed that he'd kill Subin. "I'm leaving them so you don't need to worry anymore. Just leave me alone, come up with a compromise that doesn't lead to your death. Rose and I both will be happy if you stay alive." As alive as a vampire can be. But you digress.

"Rose hated me," Subin frowns. "When I became like this she hated it. She would have killed me if she saw me alive today, not let me live. That is the difference between the two of you. Rose hated vampires, hated the bloodshed, hated being one. You do not hate it. They will take advantage of that. They already have. You were being poisoned by Wooyoung and you saved him. Do you realize how tightly they've dug themselves into your life? You saved the monster that was slowly killing you. You didn't run out of fear, leave immediately. You saved him. How can you not see?"

Sejun scoffs from his corner, shaking his head. "Fucking hell."

There’s no use in questioning how he knows, all of these vampires seem to know things you’ve never uttered. "I'm already gone, I can go somewhere. Maybe abroad, I don't know," you stumble over your words, knowing it's of no use. They will find you anywhere. Your time apart will be brief, until you see them stumbling into somewhere you've escaped to. So you say the only thing you can think of.

"I don't want to die, Subin. I've barely lived."

Subin’s brows furrow, eyes filled with sorrow. "Is that what you desire? Do you truly want to live the rest of your life in fear of them? Unable to run away?"

No. That's not what you want. "I want to live as I did before and I know it's not possible anymore. But do I have no other choice than death? There's nothing else I can do?"

"There are few things in this world that make Hongjoong weak. Though most he would never admit to."

"Care to share?"

"That makeshift family of is," he waves his hand, nose wrinkled. "He will never say the words himself, but they are the remainder of humanity he has left. I am sure he has told both you and Rose, but he wasn't this… caring when it came to humans. Not until he met those seven. Especially Wooyoung. He is quite fond of Sejun’s brother even if he would kill him in just a brief moment," he furrows his brows in thought. "I am sure it will haunt him until the end of his days."

You can't imagine hurting any of them. Their past is something that often buries itself in the back of your mind, but never irks you. Killing them to get back at Hongjoong will never be a choice of yours. Even Wooyoung, the man who slowly poisoned you. It is all stupid and ridiculous when you think deeply about it. But so is love, unfortunately.

"And you, y/n," he says. "You are his weakness. He will kill every single person on this planet so that you're content. I would advise to never divulge what your past partners have done, or old friends. They would end up in the back of the papers soon enough. Now that I think of it though, you can use that to your advantage. He is infatuated with you. Make him believe you love him the same, then kill him."

"Kill him?" Rose back then would have done it without a second thought. But you? You step on a small beetle by accident and it ruins your week. Making Hongjoong fall for your lies then killing him… it's unimaginable. "That's the only choice I have?"

"y/n, listen to my words carefully." He bends his knees, balancing on the edges of his feet as he meets your eyes. "Hongjoong will not stop until he gets what he wants. He has waited hundreds of years to have you. He is smart – he will be able to read the lies you feed him."

Subin’s eyes flick behind you, before meeting your gaze again. "Every creature can be killed. Even abominations like us. That you know from Hanse's death. If you would like, I can tell you our weaknesses. I couldn't save you back then, I was too late. But if you would let me, I can save you now. I can show you how to, to finish the plan that Rose couldn't complete herself."

Kill them?

The thought pains you. It's the last thing you want. But seeing how tortured they are, how easily they could switch their personalities, how they more than likely forced Rose to become a vampire, how Wooyoung attempted the same for you.

You have no choice.

You glance back at Sejun, his snickers and jabs silent now, wanting for your response. You turn back to Subin, Rose's brother. His expression doesn't give away anything, patiently waiting for you to decide. You close your eyes, ignore how much your chest hurts at even considering it. Pushing through your heart's desire, you nod slowly.

"Okay."

Hongjoong is the first to enter, hands resting against his back. His shoes echo across the hardwood. Though he cannot quite decipher who is in the room with you, he can smell you. And that scent overpowers them all. Yunho and San follow just behind him, blades in hand, coated with poison. Subin has kept to himself for decades now, barely interfering with the others. Your presence has brought them happiness, but has led to this. Not that any of them mind, really. If it meant that they would have you, they’d do anything for it.

“They’re here,” Sejun stands, moving closer to you. “We don’t have time. Remember what we’ve told you?” He asks, fingers wrapping around your bicep. “We are going to die, and you will do everything possible to stop them. Do you understand?”

“They wouldn’t–”

“They would, my dear sister,” Subin says simply, eyes flicking to the door. “I’m quite sad that we were not given the chance to catch up once again, but I do hope if there is some afterlife, I can meet Rose.” His jaw tightens, hands slipping behind his back. “Promise you will rid of them soon.”

You hesitantly nod, and he gives you a small grin back. “Of course, I will have to show them a bit of blood to get them going. It will be quick, y/n. They'll heal you, alright?"

"What–"

Your sentence is cut off by the sharp blade pushed into your stomach. Sejun’s eyes widen as Subin slowly slides it out of you, the pain too overwhelming for you to even utter a sound, falling to your knees. Your hands immediately go to the cut, gasps falling from your lips as you turn down to look at it. He pushed it in deep, the blood spilling down your shirt quickly, staining the hardwood floors. He throws his arm back too quick for you to prepare, his fist landing against your cheek.

Sejun’s eyes burn into Subin’s. “You idiot–”

The door is thrown open, Sejun backing away from the two of you as they enter. You can't quite concentrate on what's happening, the sounds of murder happening around you. Shouting and screaming, bones breaking, the smell of blood filling the air. Sejun is thrown down next to you. Several cuts covering his skin, brown blood spilling from his wounds. He coughs, grabbing one of your hands. Forcing you to focus on his words.

"Kill them," his grip on your hand is tight. You can barely see his eyes through the blood covering his face, his hold growing weaker as the seconds pass. "Kill them and you'll finally be free."

Blood splatters in your eyes, covering your face just as he finishes his words. Hongjoong from just behind you drives the stick deeper into his chest, grunting the more force he puts into it.

Your vision blurs as you stare at the blackened blood dripping down your hand, disappearing beneath your sleeve. This was never something that you wanted, despite it being in their plan. Sejun was not supposed to die. You do not doubt that he's done things to Rose in the past, things lost to you. But he's helped since you've spoken to him. It's silly to be upset about his death, but here you are. Staring down at his bloodied body, fingers slowly curling into your palm, hands trembling. Your eyes lift to the murderer, eyes wide as he stares at the body beneath him. He touches his face, smearing his skin with whatever poison he used. The exact one Subin provided for you just moments ago.

"Joong…"

He turns around, expression softening when he sees how distraught you look. His warm fingers brush against your cheek. You wince at the touch as he apologizes for pressing too hard against your skin. His lips press against your forehead, a sorry escaping them. You welcome his touch, sighing as he pulls you against him. His smell encompasses you, your sore wrists aching as you grip his leather coat. He lifts you with ease, your lids too swollen for you to open them. Is it tears? You're not too sure.

The room is quiet. No longer do you hear the crunching of limbs, the muffled screams as they ripped Sejun apart. No. All you can hear is the way your heartbeat throbs in your ear, the breaths of Hongjoong as he guides you out of the room. How foolish of you to believe that you did not need him? That you were so stubborn to see that without him, you would be safe? In the end you're still entrapped in his embrace, softened at the delicate care he does to bring you safely back to his clan, his coven. Your thoughts no longer linger on Sejun, or her brother, or any of the others, in fact.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, the sensitive cuts on your lips tingling as heavy breaths escape. "I should have trusted you." Why are you saying this? Why do the words not feel like your own?

"None of this is your fault," he whispers. "Trusting someone is a difficult task to undertake. Please do not speak anymore until you're able, alright?"

You cough, blood spilling from your lips. His eyes shift to your stomach. Without another word he drags his blade across his arm, lifting your shirt and pressing it against your cut. You gasp, gripping his forearm as he pushes it harshly. He whispers something you don’t bother to understand, holding you close.

The part of you that screamed for you to push him away is silent now. You can only tuck yourself further against him, feel the vibrations of his chest as he hums a song to you. You cannot quite place it, but it feels familiar. He does not begin conversation with you, asking how this happened. Instead he carries you out into the night, holding you close as he enters a car. You hear the soft voice of San speaking to him, their voices low enough that you do not bother straining to listen.

The scene you blocked out suddenly begins to replay in your head. Yunho appeared. You see the glimpse of Seungwoo behind your eyes over and over– when did he arrive? The terrible, garbled scream that left her brother– Subin’s, chest. The sickening sounds of him dying. Did Rose hear this often? How was she able to handle it; the carnage, the smell, the sounds? They only seem to roll on a tape over and over again in your mind.

"What can I do?"

You know he's speaking to you, lips dry as you run your tongue over the cracks, the metal taste coating your tongue. "Nothing." Time passing is only making your head spin. Where's Hongjoong? When did the car start moving? Will you ever see your family again?

"...Okay," San says simply. Hongjoong must have left some time ago, the hum of the car is the only sound around you. "I can't lose you again." His voice is softer. You force an eye open. His fingers are curled around the steering wheel, body rigid. His eyes flick to the rearview often, fingers fidgeting. You're not too sure what your relationship with him is – he's avoided you for weeks now. Now though, you can see how he thinks he cares for you, worry coating his face. His shirt is stained just like the others. Did he kill? Was it Seungwoo? Sejun? Subin? It's all a blur to you now.

How could you pretend to care for any of them when you want to run away? "You will," you respond, lids heavy. "You have already."

"Is there nothing I can do–"

"Yes, there's nothing." Why lie? Why continue the lies that they've started? There is not a moment where you could look at any of them and feel some sort of happiness. "You've lied."

"Rose."

"And you've never called me by my name despite me desperately asking for it, San. You've treated me like the woman you've once loved since we met, and you expect me to love you back? You don't see me." Your throat hurts as you speak to him, but you've wanted to let it out. Show him how it feels to be treated like her. "Let's no longer pretend that you do."

He does not respond. You tuck your legs further into your body. You told him you wouldn't lie, but why does it feel like you are? Why the fuck do you care so much about these men that could give two shits about you? To the point that they're slowly carving you into Rose, a woman that despised their very being? And why are you so desperate for them to see you as yourself, as a human woman completely disconnected from your prior life? Have you so deeply involved yourself that you need their love, their affection? Is that why you've fallen for many of them so easily?

How the hell did that wound on your stomach heal so fast?

"I'm sorry, y/n."

What you find behind San's door shouldn't be as surprising as it is. His bed is in pieces, wooden beams scattered across the floors, sheets ripped into throwaway fabrics, pillow feathers floating around the room. Most furniture is destroyed. You take slow steps into the room, hand resting on the edge of the only intact piece: his desk. Fear slowly swallows you as you read the notes you see. Your name is written over and over. Neat in the beginning, slowly losing legibility as it goes on. By the end of the page the characters are mixed together, blood staining the page, paper punctured from how hard he pressed. One line is written clearly at the top of the page.

I will say your name, y/n.

It's been a couple of days since you've gotten back from your kidnapping, from that massacre in the backrooms of Clair de Lune. The smell of death still hasn't left your nose. It's the first time you've left your room, the men leaving your food outside of it, avoiding you in the hallways if you decided to leave. You would thank them under different circumstances, but now you know it's only because they don't want you to ever leave them.

Which bears the question on exactly why you haven't left yet. The blatant warnings are there. Wooyoung was legitimately poisoning you slowly. Many of the others must have known about it. So why are you still here? Why can't you make yourself leave?

Why does it feel like you can't?

"Are you alright?"

You glance at the door, Mingi and Seonghwa standing there. Mingi's arms rest against his chest, a slight limp as he enters. He still has not fully healed from the basement incident, though he looks healthier in complexion. Especially in comparison to you.

"He left," Mingi glances at Seonghwa, eyes flicking back to yours. "For a walk."

"Did the captain tell him to?" You ask, and Mingi shakes his head.

"He left on his own. As you can see," Mingi gestures to the surrounding area. "He's been a bit distraught since you've come back home. He thought leaving would help his mind settle. Mellow out for a while. Yeosang joined him."

"Yeosang?" Is that why you haven't seen him? You presumed that he was avoiding you, but it seems to be the opposite. Yeosang is the only one you could tolerate being around without getting upset, and now he's gone.

"He deals with San during these moments the best. Everyone agreed that he should join him to keep him in check. They shouldn't be gone for too long, so no need to worry."

Worrying is all that you do; especially for them.

But you only acknowledge his words with a quick nod, hands lingering on the edge of the desk. You have not seen Hongjoong either, though it is probably due to your insistence on not allowing him to enter your room. The others begged and pleaded for you to give him a chance – but how could you? His half promises and lack of care for your well-being has left you numb. Before meeting them, you were sure with your emotions, your feelings. Now you only feel like a shell of yourself. You rub your face, ignoring the two men watching as you go through your emotions.

“What will we do now, then?” your eyes shift to the side, noticing that Mingi left already. Strange how quiet a man of his size can be.

Seonghwa slowly moves into the room, arms resting against his chest. “Shall we have a meeting when they come back? I know that you still want to leave, so we can speak about it—”

“Seonghwa,” You lean against the table, wincing as your hip brushes against the wood. His eyebrows furrow as he glances at your hip, only for you to wave him off. “We’ve done enough talking to last a thousand lifetimes.” With how effortlessly Sejun manipulated you into thinking he was truly Seonghwa, there’s little doubt that one of the guys wouldn’t be able to persuade you to stay. Especially with the way he’s looking at you now. No wonder Rose fell for them with ease. It hurts you to even say the words.

“I’m sorry,” his voice is softer, eyes glued to the wooden floors. “I wasn’t here when he took you away. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you shake your head. “I should have noticed it wasn’t you from the start. The words you were saying were a bit…” Cheesy? Out of character? Overwhelming for the moment? Now that you think back to Sejun practically begging on his knees, his eyes were not his. They were a deeper brown. Seonghwa rarely, if ever, showed his brown eyes to you. Only in public, never in private. The truth was right in front of you, but you were too overcome with the events that passed to even recognize it.

“Did he speak poetry?” Seonghwa’s lip lifts, a smirk forming. “Sejun used to make fun of me often for my verbiage. I think he referred to it as having a stick up my ass.” You place your hand over your mouth, a laugh escaping. Seonghwa’s grin widens, light chuckles leaving his lips. “And now you laugh because you find it to be true.”

“It’s not… well, you do speak a bit proper sometimes. I just assumed it was because of your past. From a prestigious family?”

His eyes widen briefly, lips finally curving into a full smile. “Rose assumed the same of me when we first met. Maybe I do need to loosen my lips a bit more,” he sighs. “But nevertheless, I am apologetic."

He easily slides past the question about his family, but you let him have it. It’s not like you exactly overshare when it comes to yours. A knock on the door pulls you out of your thoughts, Hongjoong lingering in the doorway. Seonghwa moves to the side, sending you a quick look before departing. Hongjoong remains unchanged from the night they found you. Your blood still stains his clothing, hair tousled, eyes red. He looks like he’s worse off in comparison to you. Just as Hongjoong begins to speak, you interrupt.

“Thank you.”

Your words stun him momentarily, raised hand falling to his side. You could almost smile at his shocked expression if you weren’t so exhausted. You hold your hand against the bandage covering your stomach. It’s barely scabbed over, blood still coating the gauze.

“Thank you for saving me,” you say again. “It’s more than what I’ve asked for but thank you. I’m not sure if I would have survived another day.” It’s very likely that you would have, especially with Sejun there. But stroking his ego might somewhat increase your chances to come out of this place alive. Vampirism isn’t something you exactly dreamed of undergoing.

“You’re not furious with me?” He asks his question slowly, eyes glued to your face. “Not in the slightest?”

“Why would I be angry at you for what Sejun and Subin did?” At least this part is somewhat true.

He swallows slowly, eyes flicking between yours. Just as a sigh of relief escapes your lips as he turns on his heels to the door, he shuts it behind him. "Did Sejun ever explain the reasoning as to why we separated?"

You shake your head, slowly sinking down into the stool in front of San's dresser. His face changes as he simmers in his thoughts.

"Sejun was supposed to watch her," Hongjoong's words almost feel desperate as he speaks to you, pacing around the ottoman. He stops in front of the bed, running his fingers through his hair, thinking. He seems to steady himself as he wraps his hand around one of the bed's pillars. "Rose. It was supposed to be brief but our ship needed maintenance so we stayed away a few months longer. That's when he wooed her, made her fall in love. It was my fault. When he arrived back on ship he told me all of his tales were false. I thought it was to get close to her brother. But when Rose appeared in front of me and told me of his sins, I could not take it," his grip on the pillars hardened, eyes narrowing. The concerned man he just showed you disappears in that instant. It only frightens you how easily he can turn his emotions. You sink further into the stool.

"I tore him from limb to limb, I let the others watch. I thought that was the end of it, no one could survive something like that, not even a vampire. His body was burned and thrown into the sea. So seeing him standing in that shop, none of it made any sense. It still doesn't. It is a pity that I was filled with so much rage I did not get the chance to ask."

He lets a sigh escape him, "And I allowed him into our home, allowed him to take you."

Your brows furrow. "No one knew he took me–"

He holds up his hand, "I knew. Do you think I do not know everything that goes on? Though I was mistaken and presumed he was himself, not disguised as Seonghwa to lure you. If any of us were there we would have seen through his shadow self. But it's harder for humans to."

The realization sinks into you slowly. You knew you were not safe with any of them, especially with him. But hearing him actually say it, express it–

“I allowed him to take you because you told us you did not need us. That you were okay on your own. And I wanted to honor your wishes so I let it happen. And you saved yourself, did you not? You allowed us to kill him with ease, Ro– y/n!" He smiles at you, true joy lining his features. "You saved yourself without our help, we just cleaned the mess."

Your eyes flick between his. "You let him take me. He brought me to Subin who almost killed me, and you let him take me.”

"You said you did not need saving, my sea. I let you make your own choices."

"Being kidnapped is not a choice, Hongjoong! If it were any of you I would have tried to help, not watch you be taken. Do you hear yourself? Do you?" You straighten your back, anger slowly rising. "I know you're mad, but this is beyond what I expected."

He tsks, wiggling his index finger as he silences you. "No no, this is exactly what you should expect. You do not want us involved with your affairs. You want to leave. I'm not going to go against your word when you insist on it being followed."

“Oh my God,” you rub your face, “What am I doing here? Why did I let you take me back here? This isn’t like me, I’d never do anything like this,” You stop speaking, turning your eyes to him. He keeps his small smile on his face, watching your breakdown. Elated at the way he’s affecting you. Hongjoong does not care. He never has no matter how much he proclaims it. There’s no remorse, not a hint of regret. “You want me to depend on you when you let me go?”

“You wanted it.”

“Hongjoong.”

He moves closer to you, hands covering yours. You try to pull from his grip but it only tightens.

“You fucking wanted it, Cassia,” His eyes widen, a laugh escaping his lips. It seems like he’s detached from himself, words spilling from his lips. “You wanted me to go away so I let you. I let you fucking leave me, leave me alone. What am I to do? I was so desperate for you. Everyone in the village wanted you but you looked at me. You told me you needed space to grow, to breathe. You looked me in my eyes and said that you wanted to be with me forever but you needed time. So I let you go, I let you follow that asshole monk. How was I to know what was going to happen? How could I guess what he would do?”

He moves closer to you, not noticing how frozen you are. His hand slowly reaches up, cupping your cheek. “I killed him for you, I let his blood run the streets. I burned down the monastery for you. I gutted those terrible parents of yours, those friends that never loved you. The village that always made fun of you, called you a whore because they were envious of your beauty. And you cursed me, you damned me. Why would you do that? I did it all for you, for your adoration, for your love, and you pushed me away? You let me become as I am now. I love you, I’ve always loved you. I’m here now, can’t you see? I’m showing you that I will do anything for you, kill anyone for you. Do you not understand this?”

He moved away, pressing his hands on his temples, eyes widening, red streaks falling down his cheeks. He claws at his face, hysterical laughs escaping him. “I will kill him. I will kill them all for you. I let you love them before me and this is what I am repaid for? Your hatred as payment for loving you with everything that I have? We can be happy if you let us. If you see what I will do for you.”

His eyes flick to you, horror filling them when he sees how frightened you look, how you’ve pulled your legs close, arms wrapped around them. Flinching when he meets your gaze. He swallows, licking his lips as he stands. “I will, I’ll be back. One of the others can watch you while I’m gone, okay? Okay, C– my sea?”

He does not wait for your response, turning on his heel, the door swinging open. With his quick pace he does not seem to notice the others just outside the door, deep in his own thoughts as he disappears down the hallway. You blink quickly, still tense as a few of the others enter. A hand touches your shoulder and you flinch. You look up, meeting the gaze of worried San, a small smile on his lips.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”

“Steady, hold it steady.”

Your fingers dig into his shoulders as you winch, staring at him slowly stitching up the wound. Somewhere in between your conversation with Hongjoong, the stitches broke open. Though you insisted on a hospital rather than an unsterile, small room, they heard none of it. Especially Yeosang, his soft eyes filled with fear when he saw you. He mustered up the best smile he could before leaving you alone. It’s unlike him to check up on your condition; he asked Wooyoung and Jongho plenty of times just outside the door when they thought you were asleep. Your mind moves to Hongjoong, immediately pushing the thought away just as it comes. Breaking that moment down in your mind will only lead to more madness. The one thing you cannot afford to fall into right now.

“Pretty?” San nudges you slightly, pulling you from your thoughts. Your look at him, noting the bruised lip, the dried slit in his brow. Yours furrow looking at him, swallowing slowly. They saved you again and all you have to show for it is anger, resistance. How much longer could you last pushing them away when all they’ve done is help you?

“You worry me,” he speaks again, slowly wrapping your torso with gauze. “That distant look you get. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Confessing that you don’t deserve their kindness is far from what you want. So you let your head rest against his shoulder, exhaling. “Sometimes I wish you were human.” You say simply, promptly regretting the words just as they leave your mouth.

You can feel him tense under your touch, hesitating in his wrapping briefly. “I like who I am now.”

“I know.”

“And if given the chance again, I wouldn’t change it. This is who, what, I want to be."

“I know, you don’t have to explain it to me. I just let lingering thoughts escape, that’s all.”

He sighs, “No no, I didn’t mean to sound angry, you don't need to apologize."

He rips off a piece of medical tape and lining it up with your bandages. “It’s all I’ve known, pretty. I cannot imagine myself being as I was before. I was scrawnier, smaller. More fearful of the world. My life before Hongjoong was not the greatest. My family was killed because I couldn’t protect them, because I was not strong enough to. But now that I can, I can be of assistance to all of you. It’s what I’ve always sought, and I can’t go back to being a human. I can’t be feeble again.” His eyes flick to yours, softening when they meet your eyes. “I love you too much to see you hurt, pretty. If there were something stronger for me to become, I would choose it without a second thought. I hope you won't try to convince me otherwise.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do something you don’t want to, San. Please understand that,” you squeeze his arm. “You’re in control of your life, not me. I can’t force you to abide by my whims. If you want to be like this, I’m not stopping you.”

“Not stopping me – does that mean you won’t accept it anyway?” His words are tight. “You will still leave?”

“If you were a human I’d leave anyway,” you whisper, not daring to meet his eyes. “I never belonged here. If any of us were to become something, I need space. I need a place to go where I can be alone. My room isn’t enough for me.” And run away, you think. You promised Subin you’d kill them, but how could you? Especially with the way he alone is looking at you. Your empathy is endless to the point that you hate it, but it’s not unreasonable to know you can’t hurt people.

A part of you wonders what Rose would do right now. How she’d react to your choices. Is she yelling in her grave right now, telling you that everything you’re doing is bringing you closer to death? Or is she assured that you’re safe in their arms, complimenting you on your choices thus far? There’s so many possibilities, and you’re still not sure what happened back then. All you know is someone in this house turned her into a vampire. And that’s very likely the reason why she wanted to kill them all. You felt her pain, her fear in the brief visions. The cold touch of death when she turned.

You never want to experience it yourself.

“I wish I could convince you otherwise,” he whispers, securing your gauze. “But I won’t make that mistake again. I just hope that you’ll miss us enough to come back home.”

“San-”

“You don’t need to explain why, because I know,” he waves you off, shaking his head. “I mean, I called you Rose for so long without thinking twice about it. Knowing how you felt about it. I didn’t let myself distinguish between the two of you because of my selfishness. I didn’t want to let her go. Accepting that Rose is gone,” he stops in his words. “I don’t think any of us have properly mourned her death. Maybe Yunho or Mingi, but not really. Not truly. The last person to visit her grave was Jongho, and that was decades ago. I’m sorry that I let it go on for so long, and I’m sorry I took your feelings for granted. I think it’ll be hard, but I hope that one day you’ll forgive me, y/n.” He says your name with emphasis, eyes flicking between yours. “Just as I love you.”

"Do you love me?"

His voice cracks at the last word. It's the second time in a day that he's asked. You jokingly replied sure earlier, and he laughed it off. But now, his hands are gripping the bottom of your shirt. Looking up at you from your knees. Eyes flicking between yours, waiting for an answer.

You hear the sentence over and over again in your head. Do you love him? Do you love any of them? Or are you trying to become someone they once knew? Their rose, their sea. The one woman in their life that they lost. It irks you, not knowing if your feelings are true. Or their desperation makes you believe each word that they say. You want to say it, you do. You want him to be assured that you love him, to be secure in his feelings for you. But the word just doesn't want to fall from your lips. So instead of saying it, you hand brushes just beneath his chin. Stroking the soft skin beneath your fingertips.

You lean forward, lips lightly touching his. You hold restraint, but of course, he cannot. He presses his lips against yours, and you kiss him hard. Although his face is swollen with tears and lips are chapped from licking them often, he kisses you.

And you kiss him back.

"Love me," he says between breaths, pulling you down from the edge of the bed. His hands rest beneath your body as you fall to the floor, his body towering over yours, pulling you closer. "Love me," he whispers, fingers digging into your sides as he holds you.

"And what will that do?" You ask, your lips parting from his. Your breaths are heavy, chests rising and falling as you meet his gaze. "What if I say no?"

"I have waited for you for hundreds of years, pretty. I can handle a few more without it. Just please don't tell me to go. I will bear the pain of you not saying it back, but please do not let me go. Remaining unwanted is one thing, but never seeing you again would be the greatest torture I would endure in my endless years."

His words hit you directly in the heart. You hold his face, staring at him. “I cannot promise anything, San. The future is too uncertain for me to say that.”

"Would you say it if I beg?" San moves away from you, slowly sliding down your body. His lips trail along the outline of you before resting at your feet. You lean up, brows furrowed. His hands slowly wrap around your waist, gripping your hips.

"San–"

"Please," His fingers dig into your skin. Not enough to break it, but keeps you where you are. Eyes on him. "I'd do anything for you, y/n. Anything you want."

You rise from the sheets, head throbbing. It was a dream. Of course it was a dream, why would you think otherwise? You swing your legs over the side of the bed, slowly standing. Your side aches as you push open the door. It must be early in the morning, the light seeping through the curtains as you make your way down the hallway. Slow is an overstatement, you’re shuffling. San secured the gauze tight enough for you to sleep comfortably, but moving? Not so much.

The kitchen is empty. The pile of peaches that often greet you is gone, replaced with a sealed box of dried fruits. You ignore it entirely, slowly sinking into the stool at the island. You haven’t had glimpses of the past at all, not even for a brief moment. In the beginning you hated being put into someone else’s body, but now? You wish you could be given something, anything. An assurance that staying here for the moment is a wise idea, or completely terrible.

You lift up your shirt, glancing at the wrapping. It's stained with blood already. Ah, maybe you moved around in your sleep more than you thought.

A cough distracts you.

You turn, tensing.

"Hi–"

"Leave," you interrupt him, glancing at the box in the center of the island. "Please."

"y/n–"

"Please Wooyoung, please just leave me alone," your voice cracks, fear coursing through you. "If you want me on my knees I'll do it. Please," you shut your eyes, unable to meet his gaze. Because you know, despite it all, despite everything; One look from him will make you weak.

“What’s going on?” Your eyes flick to the entrance, Yunho glancing between the two of you. His eyes narrow as they meet Wooyoung’s, a frown slowly forming on his lips. “You were told to never be alone with her.”

“I needed to speak to her, that’s all. Nothing nefarious.” Wooyoung sighs, his exhale increasing as he watches Yunho come by your side. Confrontation when you’re this exhausted is not uncommon in this home, though you wish that they leave you alone just as the days prior. A part of you is thankful for Yunho’s presence despite it all; if Wooyoung was so easily able to end his friend’s life hundreds of years ago, ending yours right now would be a piece of cake. “Will you never acknowledge any of us? Or are you only enamored by Yeosang just as you were before? Or have you even attempted to?” Mire coats his word, an unmistakable glare in his eyes once you finally meet them.

You snort, slowly standing from the stool. It’s a bit of a struggle, Yunho leaning forward to help, but you push his hands away, gripping the countertop.

“You all assume that every thought of mine is Yeosang. Like all I’ve cared about since I arrived here is Yeosang when it hasn’t been like that at all. I was afraid of him just as I was of all of you. Your assumptions of my own feelings only seem to ease your own faults. I could have cared for you just as I have for Yeosang, Jongho, Mingi even. But your decision to poison me so that I am forced to be with you was something else entirely. So how can you stand there and tell me that I didn’t try when I did? I was slowly trusting you, Wooyoung. You, alone. And you erased it completely by making me ill. This is your doing, not mine. Never was. So how about accepting your fuck-ups instead of trying to pin it on someone else?”

His fists slowly loosen at your words, angry brows furrowing. How someone as smart as him not able to take your words at face value is beyond your own comprehension. But you’ve laid out your feelings as clearly as you could. It’s up to him to decide if he wants to acknowledge them or not.

“You’re saying that you would have accepted me as I am now?”

“I'm saying that I already have, Wooyoung. You are who you are. Who am I to tell you what you can and cannot be? You're a vampire, that's it. I wouldn’t try to make you a human because I want it. And I hoped that none of you would force me to be a vampire, but look at where we are now."

He takes a step closer to you, only for you to move closer to Yunho. Wooyoung’s eyes shift to him before sighing. “I’d rather we speak in private.”

“Walls are thin, Woo. We’d hear it whether or not I’m here,” Yunho shrugs. “And, frankly, I doubt she wants to be alone with you after everything.”

“You don’t speak for her.”

“He’s right,” you interrupt. “I’d rather someone else in the room.”

“Fine! Fine,” he begins to point at you, before slowly lowering his hand. “Everyone makes me out to be the bad guy. Like it is my fault you died when it’s not even close. I was in the back when it happened! I mean,” he rubs his face, glancing at his friend. “You're letting yourself hide behind a man you don't know, one whose had more involvement than me when it comes to Rose’s turning–”

“Enough, Wooyoung.” Yunho says.

“What? Am I not allowed to tell everyone’s misdeeds? Am I supposed to bear them all on my own? Why am I the lone sinner? Why can I not be the one who she can finally trust? Why do I have to hold your burdens as if they are mine?!” His fingers slowly curl into fists. “It's pushed onto me because you all have designated me as this devil, this monster that cannot be cured. y/n,” his eyes move to you. “I’ll admit my mistakes to you. Yeosang knew about me poisoning you, but it was no fault of his own. I'm not sure if the others have told you this, but the vampire that turns you is able to sire you. He cannot resist my commands if I make it so. He wanted to tell you, but he couldn’t. Because of me. Because of my faults.” He shakes his head, his fingers scratching against his scalp. “I’ll take credit for what I have done. But I will not stand here and pretend everything that has gone wrong around here is all because of my decisions. I'm not going to do it anymore, fuck the rest of you."

“y/n,” Yunho lifts your chin to meet his gaze. “If I may ask, could you please find yourself back to your quar–room, your room. Please. I need to speak with him for a moment.”

You swallow slowly, nodding. You don’t catch the quick flicker of fear in Wooyoung’s eyes at Yunho’s words, keeping your gaze low. There’s so much to process, so many words to accept. Your head begins to throb at the thought of trying to. You step around Yunho, slowly leaving the kitchen. But just before you turn the corner, “Thank you, Wooyoung. For finally admitting it.” Your eyes flick to his. “This doesn't mean I forgive you, but it’s a step in the right direction.”

You leave them be, slowly making your way back to your room without food. You aren’t necessarily hungry right now, it was in all honesty just a stroll from your room. You are still a bit annoyed that it was rudely interrupted, but you digress. Your eyes flick to the quick movement just at the end of the hallway, Yeosang disappearing into his room. You sigh.

It is perhaps not the best time to start something with him, but what do you have to lose? You plan on leaving soon, anyway. You slowly shuffle down the hallway, his door slightly ajar just as you make it around the corner. Taking a long breath, you slowly push it with your free hand, entering his room.

“It’s polite to knock,” he notes. He rests on the seat by his balcony window, leg swinging back and forth. He does not turn to you, though you expected as much. The last time he gazed in your eyes was when you first came back. You haven’t seen him since. His hair seems darker now, blond locks fading into a darker brown.

“You were gone with San for a while,” you start, breathing heavily as you shut the door behind it. It gives you some semblance of privacy, though you’re sure everyone in this house is in tune with your conversation.

“To keep him from losing himself,” he says simply, shrugging. “He would have done the same for me.”

You nod slowly, resting against his velvety couch. Though he doesn’t turn to see you struggle, you can see the scowl on his lips, already predicting his next words.

“You should be resting, not wandering around our home. It makes sense that San had to stitch you up once more. He will have to do it again if you don't sit still.”

“That’s a concern for another day.”

“y/n…”

"Why are you avoiding me?"

He runs his fingers through his hair.

"I could have saved you." He looks small. Arms wrapped around himself, gaze to the floor. Body shaking. "I could have saved you from Wooyoung, from Subin, from Sejun. I could have saved you from them all, but I didn't. I let Wooyoung's words have an influence over me, I," He slowly shakes his head. "You could have died."

His head finally lifts. He looks at the bandage wrapped around your calf, your waist, the bruises on your face. The endless wounds that seem to cover every exposed part of your body. He swallows slowly, lips trembling. "I could have saved you from this."

"None of this is your fault."

"You can't keep saying that. You can't keep pulling the blame away from me. I knew he was poisoning you and did nothing to stop it. You should hate me as much as him, if not more. Don't stand there and pretend you don't–"

“He told me.”

“What?” Yeosang stills, gaze still far away.

“Wooyoung. He told me about what he did to you. How he forced you to abide by his every word, his desires. I didn't even ask for his confession, but he gave it willingly without a second thought. I know he’s doing it only to earn my favor and good graces but him mustering up the will to even explain it to me probably earned him some trust. I doubt that I will be able to forgive him, but I do forgive you, Yeosang.”

He starts to shake his head, fingers digging into his scalp. His grip is harsh to the point that you see red staining the blonde, spilling from underneath his hold. “y/n, you should take every word that comes from him with great caution. And you shouldn’t forgive me for what I’ve done. It is utterly sinful.”

"He sounded sincere."

His lips form a scowl. "And that's your first mistake, y/n. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is close to sincere."

"Yeosang, please listen to me," you take a long breath. "I know that if you had the choice you wouldn’t have hidden the poisoning from me.”

"y/n–"

"Am I wrong for assuming this?"

He shakes his head, “That doesn’t matter because I did hide it. I know you want me to be this pillar of goodness, but I'm not that. I will never be that as long as I am the way I am, y/n. You should never trust any word from me.” His gaze finally meets yours across the darkened room. He looks dreadful, exhausted.

“I want you to love me. I am so lonely, my y/n,” his eyes are filled with fear, sorrow. “These hundreds of years have passed and I am still as lonely as I was when Rose died. I want you to love me as I have loved you. I want you to look at me and see me as I am. To need me as desperately as I need you. I need to feel loved, y/n. But because of my tie to my friend, I cannot,” he swallows slowly, eyes flicking between yours. “You will never be able to truly be mine because there is always him. There will always be him."

"I thought my dream of being somewhat normal faded long ago, but ever since your soul appeared in front of us again all of those emotions came back tenfold. I want to be human. I want to go to places with you, court you without having the fear of somehow doing something to me that's out of my control. To watch a sunset with you. I want to love you the way you deserve, I want you to be truly mine. But that will never happen. And for the sins that I’ve committed in the past and up to now, perhaps it is warranted. Perhaps I was never meant to have even the slightest bit of happiness when I was turned into this. All of it doesn’t matter in the end, though. Because the past cannot be changed just under sheer eagerness.”

Yeosang tenses up. He attempts to move but Wooyoung tightens his hold. “I cannot live without my best friend, Yeosang. And Rose says she will no longer love you if you were anything other than human. Shall we test that?”

“Wooyoung.” The words escape your own lips, though you know it’s Rose’s. You can feel the fear in her chest, the worry in her voice. Is this the moment Yeosang was turned?

Wooyoung holds his hand against the edge of the dresser, dragging it across harshly. His wrist begins to bleed as he presses it against Yeosang’s mouth, forcing the blood into it. He gags against his hold, desperately trying to get him to stop. Tears roll down his cheeks, eyes flicking to yours. You’ve never seen his eyes filled with such fear, horror. Regret.

"Stop!" You push against someone’s hold, but it's of no use. Wooyoung grips Yeosang's body, forcing his wrist against his mouth. Crazed eyes hold him close, fingers almost piercing Yeosang's shoulder with how elated he is.

“This is all for you, Rose. We will test that will of yours.”

Cries escape your chest as you fall to your knees, unable to do anything. You soon realize it is Mingi who holds you, continuing his whispering of comforting words to help you calm down, but you only feel your heart breaking. Wooyoung lifts your knife you left on your shelf, stabbing it into Yeosang’s chest. The stress in your body overwhelms you, body shaking as you lose consciousness.

“y/n!” He shakes you again and you’re finally pulled from it, glazed eyes clearing. Yeosang holds your face in his hands, brows furrowed as he stares at you. You aren't sure how much time passed between the vision and now, but he seems nervous as he holds you. “Are you alright? You weren’t here with me-”

“I saw it,” you swallow. You can remember how he once looked, the utter terror in his eyes as Wooyoung held him against his will. Killed him as he grinned at Rose. Yeosang was full of life then, eyes a softer brown, cheeks flushed. Losing his life in mere moments. The sounds only echo in your ears as he holds you, trying to pull you away from those thoughts. His thumb rubs against your cheek, wiping the tear that falls. “I saw you die, Yeosang.”

“It’s alright,” he says softly, pressing his forehead against yours. “You don’t need to let those thoughts worry you. It was so long ago. It no longer affects me.”

“You never asked to be part of this and were forced into it because of him,” You do not say his name, deeming it unnecessary. “How can I pretend I didn’t just see it? No wonder.”

“No wonder what?” he asks softly.

No wonder Rose could not stand any of you any longer. No wonder she killed herself. Seeing the monster that Wooyoung became, it must have broken her. From the other instances he seemed so kind, loving. But in that moment, you could only feel disgust rising in Rose. Hurt.

"No wonder she didn't want to turn," you whisper.

Yeosang sighs. “We all know what happened before when Rose was turned; forcing you into the same position would only lead to another death. I want you to live a long life as do the rest of us, but their definition of life is certainly construed in comparison to mine.” His hand wraps around yours. You’ve noticed that they can easily blend into crowds without lingering looks because they just look pale from a distance, but watching his hand in yours changes your perspective. There is no color in his skin, a dull gray. But still, you lift his hand, pressing your lips against the back of it. His brows lift in silent shock, lips parting. His eyes flick over yours, a small smile slowly forming as he stares at you. “Why would I ask you to lose your warmth when I enjoy the flush of your cheeks?”

You can’t help but roll your eyes at his words, letting your head rest against his chest. “In any other circumstance if a person told me they enjoyed how my blood circulated I’d be a bit creeped out.”

“Very true,” he chuckles along with you, pulling you closer into his chest. “I know my next words will be taken with mirth, but I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive him.”

Which him, he doesn’t say, but you can take a wild guess. You sigh, letting your eyes shut. “Would you be able to forgive so easily in my situation?”

He pauses for a moment, “It took me a few decades to accept him as he is. Forgiveness took a tad bit longer.”

“Define a tad bit.”

“y/n.”

“Yeo.”

He sighs. “… about seventy years.”

“Then I’ll pardon him in forty.”

“y/n,” he repeats again, his voice softer. You frown as you meet his gaze, ignoring the pout of his lips, the lax resting of his eyes- Damnit, could you at least pretend to be resilient against his charm?

“Yeosang, I am not going to forgive someone who almost murdered me. In fact, if I ever decided to become a vampire – which I won’t – “ you notice his eyes lighting up at your words. “I would ignore his very existence for the next five hundred years.”

He purses his lips, thinking. “That’s not too bad.”

“Kang Yeosang!”

He laughs, holding you close to him as you playfully shove against his frame. It’s a losing battle, finally slumping into his arms, ignoring the pain on your side from the awkward position. Yeosang seems to notice though, shifting his hold as he lies back on his bed.

"I won't force you to be something you don't want, y/n. Though my words do not hold as much trust as others, I promise I won't."

None of this is Wooyoung's work. His hands pull you closer to his body, soothened at the warmth of you surrounding him. How could he hate himself for lying to you when he gets this in return? He will feel terrible later, yes. He will hate himself right as you leave his side. But for now he enjoys it. Hums as he tucks his face into the curve of your neck, overjoyed when he hears comforting sounds escaping you. No, if he needed to lie again, he would do it. Just to feel you again.

Consequences be damned.

You nod, closing your eyes. "I know. Did you hear that conversation in the kitchen?"

"Walls are only a figurative barrier in this home."

"That's a yes, then."

"I try not to snoop, but I heard you say my name. It was hard not to pay attention to every word that left your lips. I tried leaving before you caught me, but I was a bit stunned. I didn't know how much you cared for me, y/n. I do not mind being your favorite, though." He chuckles, lips pressed into your hair.

"You're not my favorite," you whine, but his laughs only continue. "Yeosang!"

Yeosang’s words still linger in your head. Forgiving Wooyoung. Would you ever be able to do it? Whenever he sends you smiles, the memory of him killing Yeosang flashes in your head. It’s been hundreds of years, sure, but from what you know that hasn’t exactly changed him. You can’t even look at fruit the same, the boxes on the counter only piling because you’re scared of touching it. In fact, you only allow a few of them to follow you to the market to get food. With great reluctance, of course. Your place is still to leave.

Though you insisted that you'd never stay longer than another week, it's very much past that. Each time you arrive at an interview with expectations you'll be hired, you're rejected. Your friends still ignore your calls. It’s just as Subin and Sejun said - you have no one. All you have is these eight men who don’t truly love you, and who you suspect all want you to themselves one way or another.

“The food in the fridge is expired,” Seonghwa hums, placing a bundle of bananas into the cart. Yunho lingers next to him, hands tucked in his pocket as the three of you walk through the produce. “You’re the only one who eats, it’s not good to let it go to waste.”

“I told you,” you examine the cabbage. “I’m not touching anything any of you buy.”

“You let Seonghwa grab those bananas,” Yunho points out, quickly averting his eyes when you look at him. “Just saying!”

“Well I can tell he didn’t inject it with something strange, so I trust those for now. As long as they stay in my room.”

“Wooyoung isn’t allowed in the kitchen anymore. It’s safe, doe,” Seonghwa notes, following you to the register. “Hongjoong made sure of it.”

“Ah yes, the most trustworthy man in that house,” you snort, rolling your eyes. “No thanks. I’ll let my room turn into a grocery store before I put anything in that kitchen. And,” you look back at the both of them. “I found a place.”

Seonghwa stiffens, Yunho’s smile shifting. It’s strange how you never noticed before - the shifts in their expressions. If you blinked you wouldn’t have noticed Yunho’s smile lessen into more of a scowl, Seonghwa’s body stilling. The more you look at them the more they feel… scary. You’ve experienced this same feeling before, when you first met them. In all honesty you thought you were over it. That you were fine with them being vampires. But in these moments you can see why the stories considered them terrifying. They can so easily become non-human. Unreal. You look away, not wanting to linger on these feelings.

“Seonghwa, actually,” you start, still keeping your eyes forward. “Would you be able to drop off my food in my room? I need to take a trip somewhere.”

He moves in front of your cart, hands gripping the front to stop you in your tracks. His head tilts, brows furrowed. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not leaving, not yet,” you sigh. “And I have all of my things still at the house. Too many important things to just abandon on a whim.”

“y/n-”

“If you want me to trust you,” you glare back at Yunho. “Then let me go for an afternoon. I’ll be back before you know it.”

They both exchange a look. Seonghwa finally lets go of the cart, walking around and nudging you off the handles. You let him take your place, glancing between the two.

“When you get home,” his eyes flick to Yunho. “Tell Hongjoong that we lost you in a crowd. And take this,” he hands you a small bottle. The words are in a foreign language, nothing you can decipher. “Spray this on you several blocks away from our home. In fact, do it when you’re at wherever you’re going. It blocks our senses of your smell. Actually,” Seonghwa takes it from your grasp, spraying it on your neck. “Tell him you found it in your room on the shelf if he finds you with it.”

“This is a bad idea,” Yunho rubs his face, glancing at you. “He will kill us, truly.”

“He won’t when he sees her safe and sound when she comes home later. Right, doe?”

You nod quickly. It’s true, you don’t plan on running away now. Not until you find the truth. The real truth. He sends you a strained smile. “Good. Please get home by eight at night. Yunho and I will be running in just five minutes before telling them that we cannot find you. It will be… overwhelming for that moment, but it’ll be fine. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He leans forward, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “Then we agree. I will see you soon, my doe.” He grips Yunho’s arm, pulling him along to the register.

The door is open before you enter. She never left it open, always afraid that something would happen while she was gone. And it’s warranted - the city isn’t as safe as it used to be. You slowly enter, a strong smell hitting you as you stand in the doorway. Like chemicals were spilled everywhere, the bleach stinging your nose. You take out your mask and put it on, slowly entering the living area. All of her things are in their places, though thrown about just like it usually is. It is almost eerie how perfectly placed they are - even her favorite magazine, open on a page that she would love to look over.

“Siyoon?” You say, picking up the book. A layer of dust covers it, your hands beginning to shake. She used to complain about the mess of your apartment. She’s the last person that would ever let it get this bad in her own home. You’re sure that she cleans everyday. You grip your phone, dialing her number again. It goes to voicemail just like before. “This isn’t funny, Siyoon,” you say, opening her room door.

Her clothing is thrown all over, as if she were in a rush to leave. Drawers thrown open, old makeup cracked on the floor. Spilled and dry, staining the hardwood. Was she afraid of something? Why would she leave so quickly? Your eyes flick to her phone on the dresser. You quickly pick it up, pressing the power button. A zero flashes at you before turning off again. You take it, tucking it in your pocket. Though this isn’t exactly what you pictured, you just hope that she’s okay. Whatever spooked her though, especially leaving without all of her things - what the hell happened?

And why can’t you get rid of the feeling that deep down, you know who was responsible?

“You let her out of your sight? What the fuck were you thinking?”

Hongjoong’s voice rings through the home as you step inside, shutting the door behind you. Just as the click echoes, everyone is at the entrance way. You furrow your brows as you meet their frightened eyes, sighing. “Don’t overreact-”

“Why would you disappear like that? We thought-” Jongho trails off, swallowing.

“I’m a fucking grown woman, I can do what I want,” you step around their bodies, glancing at Yunho and Seonghwa briefly. Their gazes are blank, though Seonghwa’s brighter, eyes softening when they rest on yours. You send him a quick smile as well, “Seonghwa? Were you able to finish shopping?”

“I left them in your room, my doe.”

“...Can you help me put them away, then?”

He nods quickly, stepping around everyone else. You can see the venom in their eyes as you ignore everyone else, your hand slowly sliding into Seonghwa’s, leading him down the hallway. Siyoon’s phone feels heavy in your pocket as you do so. You hope that whatever you find leads you to what happened. And despite all the arrows pointing to who obviously made her run away - you wish it wasn't them.

Seonghwa quietly helps you place your things in your makeshift cupboard and drawers, humming as he does so. You place your phone on your dresser along with Siyoon's delicately in your side table when he turns his back.

"I'm glad you're safe. And I'm happy you came back," He doesn't elaborate on his words. "I really am, doe. And I know you don't truly trust any of us really, but thank you for trusting me enough to safely bring your food home."

You nod, looking at him through your mirror. He leans against the opposing wall, staring at you. Your eyes meet in the mirror. Though you really had no time to dwell on it, they're all handsome. You're not ugly, far from it in your mind, but their beauty is intimidating. Having their attention on you had somehow lessened your confidence – though before them you already had plenty – being the driving object of their affections is frightening. You wonder if they look at you and see you, or see Rose. And if she is the temptress they say she was, and identical to you, well that's just another can of worms to dig through.

"We haven't known each other for long, but I can tell when you're overthinking. That distant look in your eyes. Whatever it is, you can say it. I'll answer it confidently."

"It's not a question, just an observation," you shrug, sitting on the edge of your bed. Seonghwa sits next to you, planting himself at the small chair just a meter or so away from you. "No need to look so serious, Hwa," you roll your eyes.

"The look told me otherwise."

"Rose was beautiful," you start, and he nods, though he looks confused.

"As are you."

"What I mean," you struggle with your words. Why is it so hard to speak? Each time one of them is in front of you it's like your words are restrained, harder to describe. "I'm not half as confident as she was. Not anymore. She and I are not the same people. I just don't understand how you could care for me half as much as her–"

"Doe," he shakes his head. "I belong to you."

"I don't want you to. You’re your own person, Seonghwa. How could you not understand that?"

"You must misunderstand my words," he shifts the chair closer to you. "I belong to you, y/n. It is my choice to say these words. Your soul is what I love. I want you to accept me as yours, because in my mind I am already. And I deeply desire for you to be mine even though I know it will never be," his lips tremble as he looks at you. "I hope that our days will no longer be filled with turmoil. It feels as if we haven't had a day of calamity for such a long time."

"Who's fault is that?" It's rhetorical, but he answers it anyway.

"Ours. It is our fault. It is mine as much as it is the other's."

You close your eyes and take a long breath. How could you be brave when he expresses himself with such raw emotion? Your heart oftentimes wavers in his presence. There's no real explanation; whether it be emotions unbeknownst to you from the past, or what you feel now. He just brings out a soft spot within you that you forget. And you hate it. You hate that your own self betrays you, makes you look past everything that has happened. His blatant begging for you should disgust you when you know of their obsession. You know that one of them killed Rose. And you know that none of them did anything to stop it. So why can you only look at him with… love?

"You don't belong to me," you repeat softly, less sure of your words. "I don't want you to belong to me."

"Anything you want–"

"Stop saying that," you look at him, holding back your tears as you meet his watery one's. "Don't look at me like that, Hwa. Don't do that to me."

"y/n–"

"I can't talk to you when you look at me like that," you admit, covering your face. "Fucking Hell, I can't do this anymore."

His cool touch brushes against your skin, slowly pulling your hands away. He presses his lips against the back of them, eyes fluttering. "Don't hide yourself from me."

"I…" You trail off, watching as he presses his lips against your wrist, kissing each fingertip. Your breath hitches as his teeth grazes against the skin of your thumb. "Seonghwa–"

"I love you, y/n," he whispers softly, holding your hands against his face. The red darkened, heavy as he takes in your face. "I won't ever stop."

He moves closer to you, thumb rubbing your cheek slowly. You're not too sure who leans first, but you feel the shudder of his breath against yours. His hands holding your head steady, tongues dragging across one another's, filling the silence. Your heart beats against your eardrums, hands gripping your pants as he holds you close.

"Wait," he pulls away, licking his lips. "I don't want you to think of me as a horrible man. I'm not trying to push your emotions to the side because I can't help myself."

You nod, grip loosening against your pants, "It was too much."

He laughs, shaking his head, "Too much? My pretty doe, it's never enough when it comes to you. But I don't want to rush things. I want the both of us to care for each other fully. Despite the urges," he closes his eyes briefly. "I am still a gentleman."

"You and Rose? Did you ever…?"

His lip curves into a small smile, shaking his head, "Despite my endless yearning and waiting, the only place I ever expressed my love for her was her lips. She told me that my love for her was too great, that it would be devastating if we did anything more. Not to her, but to me."

"Did you believe her?"

He nods slowly, "Rose was the only love of my long life, but I was not hers. And I didn't mind it, no, but she knew my feelings. She knew that I would break if she told me how she truly felt about me. I was thankful that she pushed me away at the time. As I am thankful that I was able to do it now," he admits, eyes roaming over yours. "You don't love me the way I love you. It would be a mistake to let it go further."

You rub your face. He's right, just as he always is. You let the moment get the best of you. Seonghwa has often been your weak point just as Yeosang. "Then can you stay?"

"Stay?"

"Tonight with me? I don't know, I…" Siyoon's apartment is still lingering in the back of your mind. If he's here, maybe you'll be able to ignore it. Ignore the phone in your drawer, the mystery hidden behind the darkened screen. "I need someone to stay tonight."

He doesn't question further, does not investigate. Instead he presses his lips to your forehead and leaves to shower. Soon enough he's back in the room, sliding beneath the sheets with you. Pulling you close against his chest, lips resting against the curve of your neck.

You can't quite remember how much time passed. All you can do is stare at yourself.

Broken.

You touch the bruise on your lips, the darkened skin beneath your eyes, discoloration on your skin. Watch as his hand slowly drags along your skin, wrapping around the curve of your shoulder, lips pressed against the space behind your ear. His low hums, lids opening to meet your gaze in the mirror. The deep scarlet of his irises, slow smirk of his lips as he breaths against you. You look utterly ruined, tiredness dripping from the reflection. And yet here he is. Staring at you with adoration, desire, care. He stares at the broken figure of you and loves it. Your tongue drags across your lips, blinks quick.

"You can look at that reflection and still love her?" You whisper. He moves his lips from your skin, resting his chin lightly on your shoulder. His head leans into yours, cheek creasing as he nods.

"How could I not?"

"I don't look like myself," You look dead. The light in your eyes is barely there anymore. Perhaps this is what they've wanted. The scars and cuts on your body aren't exactly his fault, though you've never looked like this before meeting all of them. "I look like I've been run over by a truck."

"You were stabbed y/n, I think giving yourself a bit of leeway would do wonders."

Though he isn't wrong in the slightest, keeping your gaze on the reflection only seems to darken your thoughts. You watch as his hand rests opposite from where his head is, thumb tracing your beauty marks. He keeps his eyes on yours, softening when he sees how moist your eyes are. Without another word, his hand turns your head to him. You look away from the mirror reluctantly, meeting his gaze.

"Do you believe these eyes of mine are lying?" He's never looked more sure than he does now. "Doe, so much has happened to you. The one man you could count on isn't here. We all know that."

You've never said how much you care for Yeosang, but it seems to be more obvious than you realized. Your feelings for Jongho were pretty equal with your feelings for Yeosang, but this dread each time you look at him just won't go away. Yeosang never had a choice, but Jongho did. All of them did.

"You love him more than the rest of us." It's not a question. And surprisingly he doesn't look angry as he says it. "It's hard."

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, "Love is never something to apologize for."

“I don’t know why I do,” you start. “I’m not one to believe in past lives influencing current ones but there’s always been a tie to him. He is one of the reasons why it’s so hard to not stay,” you admit, ignoring Seonghwa’s burning gaze in the mirror. “When he left it felt like I needed to go too. But now that he’s back, it just feels-”

“Like you can’t leave?” He asks, and you slowly nod. Seonghwa doesn’t say anything else, his fingers slowly folding into yours. You let him guide you back into the bed. Though that was the end of the conversation, your thoughts still consume you.

There is this constant thought that everything you say will be used against you. Hongjoong does it often, his sneer and quick glances, taking in your words to remind you of them later. Yunho does it as well, though a bit more secretive. You can’t quite figure out the others. None of this changes your stance though. You’ve told them you were leaving. Yeosang be damned. You’re not going home, the reminder from Sejun that your family wouldn’t be safe. But it’s scary to think that once you leave, you have nowhere to go. Visiting old friends is not what you’d like to do either – they will be the ones hurt in the end. All in all, it seems that in all, it seems that you only have them. Just them.

The thought makes you queasy.

Seonghwa seems to feel the shift of your emotions, the arm wrapped around your torso tightening, pulling you closer. You shiver at his cool arm resting against your stomach, lids heavy. If only you knew what was coming tomorrow, you would have left that night.

If only you knew of the terrors of the coming days.

Mingi is the one to break the news.

You’re sitting on the grass in the backyard, notebook in hand as you brainstorm where exactly you’re going after leaving. Yunho’s the first to step outside, a strained smile on his lips as he nods, immediately giving you his back as he starts up his bike. Soon after, one or two of them trickle outside to seemingly random spots. Hongjoong rests against the opening to the outside door, hands against his chest. You aren’t keen on the idea of all of them surrounding you in some way, gripping your notebook tightly as you glance between them. Mingi is the first to move from his spot (he’s been sitting on the lower roof lately), landing on the ground and slowly walking over to you.

“Who died?” You ask just as he begins to speak. His eyes flick to Hongjoong, before landing on yours. “Ah, are we playing another guessing game?”

“Well…” He rubs the back of his neck. “Yeosang’s gone.”

You roll your eyes, attention back on your notebook. “I never said I wanted to participate in them.”

“No, doe,” Seonghwa appears on the side of you, a small smile on his lips. Since that night the two of you have grown closer. Most of your time is spent by yourself, and the remainder, he usually seeks you out. You don’t mind it, he’s quiet most of the time, enjoying the silence along with you. This expression on his face, though. Worry is never a good look. “Yeosang left. He won’t be coming back.”

Your brows furrow, looking to Hongjoong. “What did you do?”

He only sighs, shaking his head. “You love to blame me for others, don’t you?”

“Who else is there to blame? Yeosang wouldn’t leave on his own accord, not like that. Not without-” You.

You swallow. “He wouldn’t.”

“He wouldn’t, and yet he did. Pitiful,” Hongjoong sighs, shaking his head. “I was quite enjoying his presence around here. Made everyone else tolerable.”

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa sighs, shaking his head. “Not the best time for jokes.”

“Who said I was joking?”

You stand up from your spot, ignoring Seonghwa’s lingering touch on your shoulder as you move closer to Hongjoong. You haven’t spoken to him since the incident, and in fact you’d rather not speak to him at all, but Yeosang left. And there’s only two people who would make him do it. Hongjoong, the prideful captain himself, or …

“Wooyoung made him go?” You ask.

Hongjoong says nothing. You turn around, noticing that conveniently, said man is nowhere to be found. A warm hand touches yours and you immediately step away from him, seething.

“Come with me to dinner and I’ll show you.”

You scoff, “No.”

He rolls his eyes, shrugging. “Then I suppose you’ll never know where your dear Yeosang went off to. And thus, I plead for you not to come to me and complain and whine, but I’m sure you will. It’s what you do best.” He shrugs, a slow smirk forming on his lips.

“Does no one else know?”

“Unfortunately, I’m the only one. It’s a captain’s duty to know where his crew is at all times, my sea.”

“You’re insufferable,” you rub your face, thinking. He waits patiently for a response. There isn’t any point in pretending; you’ll have to go to this dinner with him whether you like it or not. “If I go, you’ll tell me? No tricks, Hongjoong?”

“None at all, beautiful,” his grin only widens. “I’ll see you tonight.”

You balance the chopsticks between your fingers, blatantly ignoring the stare down from the man in front of you. You only agreed to this to learn of Yeosang’s whereabouts, and perhaps – ignoring all of the red flags, hoping to see him. Taking Hongjoong’s invitation to a private dinner is the last thing that you ever wanted but here you are. Dining across from a mad man.

You reach for the garlic bread, Hongjoong pushing the basket closer to you.

"You could have just told me where he is and leave out all of this," you say, thanking the waiter as he places the plate in front of you. It's pasta all'amatriciana; Hongjoong insisted that you'd enjoy it. He had nothing for himself of course, tending to a bit of red wine.

He takes a sip, lips resting on the edge of the glass. He uses his free hand to gesture to the food. You would scowl but it's best not to get on his bad side for now. You take a bite, holding in your shock. It's probably the best pasta you've ever had.

"You needn't hide it, my sea, I can see it in your eyes. Good, right?" His tongue drags along the glass. You look away.

"So Yeosang?"

"He's gone. He won't be back anytime soon. Sorry to disappoint."

"Was it his choice?" Your voice is low. The last thing you expected was for him to leave you alone with them. Especially with your last conversation. Yeosang didn't give you any signs of wanting to go. "Or did someone decide for him?"

“It will get cold if you continue to stare so feverously,” his eyes flick to the plate in front of you. “What will you do, stab me with a fork?”

“It’s useless because iron doesn’t hurt you,” you sigh, taking another bite. The restaurant is filled with patrons, all couples from ranges of ages dining. Places like this have never been your cup of tea. Most guests appear pretentious, noses held high, words not used in everyday language falling from their lips. Harsh words to the waiters just doing their jobs. Many moaning and groaning at how delicious a salad with a sprinkle of salt tastes. Hongjoong bringing you here only solidifies that he doesn’t really know you. You’d never enjoy a place like this in your life.

“Your face is an open book,” he grins, taking another sip. “I’ve brought you here for a reason.”

“You’re ignoring my questions, so I don’t really care-“

“Oh, but I think you will once I explain it to you."

You sigh, "Hard to believe. Pretty sure you just dragged me out here for yourself."

"You lack trust," he shrugs. "Why would I bring the one I love to a place without meaning behind it?"

You take another bite. "Nothing has changed over the hundreds of years that have passed. All reincarnations of me, you either risked your livelihood or killed theirs along the way. You will so easily die for love. Does that not terrify you? Willing to give up yourself for a fickle love?" You meet his eyes. "Hongjoong, how do you think this will end? Have you truly deluded yourself into thinking we will be together? That I will fall at your feet, and finally look at you with care?"

He pauses for a moment.

"Loving you less is not possible, my sea. Our souls meeting over and over again like this is no coincidence. I never sought you out, you always came to me. We did not find each other by accident."

"That I agree with," you choose your next words carefully. "But have you ever considered that my soul sought out yours for healing? Because from what you've said and what I know, my soul has only suffered in your presence. If you truly cherished me you would let me go."

His lip quirks.

"Is it so hard to love me? Is it so impossible that you will not even consider the thought? Attempt at merely liking me? Is it so difficult for even a brief moment to look at me and think that there is a part of me that you adore, that you see as worthy of your attention? Can you possibly gaze upon me and see that my love for you is never ending, everlasting. I know that you will never love me as desperately as I do you, but can you not try?" Though you can only see the white of his eyes, his words oddly resonate within you. If it were another life, if you met him under different circumstances, there would have been a chance. A moment where you could look at him and think, well, he could be someone you love. Even now, you care for him in a sick and unreasonable way. But is it love? No.

Hongjoong is not a person you can ever love.

"If you wanted me to love you, you would have let me go long ago, Hongjoong," you say simply, sinking deeper into the seat. Oddly relaxing despite the circumstances. "Perhaps then I would have."

His mind wanders for a moment as he takes in your words. He desperately wanted to be wanted, to have him be the only though in the forefront of your mind, to have only him as the one you desired, you loved. Hongjoong’s plan was not for you to spend time with all of them, no. He wanted you so entrapped in his lure that you would not care if the others were there or not. He wanted you so deluded, that you would not even notice that they were gone in the first place. He does not quite know how much longer he can last, knowing you're just out of his grasp.

That is why he brought you here.

"You desperately want to know where your Yeosang has gone. You see,” He adjusts himself in his seat, eyes flicking over the tables surrounding the two of you. “All of these people in this room were invited personally. You’re surrounded by presidents of the largest companies; CFOs, CEOs, CMOs… all of the horrendously affluent figureheads in our country. They’ve all partaken in some sort of black-market scheme, or invested in a medication that is more lethal than a snake’s venom. They believe this dinner was a congratulations on selling one million doses of death across the globe. It is anything but,” his eyes move to yours. “Yeosang is here to kill them all.”

You tense, eyes widening. “What?“ He places his hand on yours, nudging his head in a different direction. You turn around to follow where he points.

Yeosang holds a glass in his hands, the silhouette of his suit blending into the decorative curtains just behind him. His eyes seem distant, jaw tight. The red seems to be burning each time someone passes him by, the grip on his cup only tightening. He wears a suit like everyone else in the crowd, blending in with ease. If Hongjoong didn't point him out you're sure you wouldn't have noticed him in the room at all.

“He has always been this martyr in your eyes. This pillar of good. Sure, this is a great deed to mankind; killing every single human in this room will save millions. But do they not deserve trials? There are guests here that are just innocents, accompanied by the true sinners. Of course, he doesn’t care for that, because he'd rather a few guiltless people’s lives be lost than seeing these other dejected souls plant their seeds of hatred and greed another day.”

You try to stand but Hongjoong is quicker, stepping behind you before you can blink, forcing your body back into the seat. He rests his head on your shoulder, lips just a brush away from your ears. He presses his hand against your mouth. “When he loses himself in his own thoughts he becomes this way. Detached. Uncaring of human life once he set a goal in his mind. He locked the doors already, y/n. He will start from the back since it gives the people closest to the front less warning of what's happening. Let us watch the one you love do his self assigned duty.”

It happens too fast for your eyes to watch. He starts from the far end of the restaurant as Hongjoong said. You aren’t sure how he’s doing it, until you see each person grip their necks, choking. He’s quick, moving from table to table, never lingering. The music is too loud in the room for people to take notice, laughing and enjoying their time as people die around them. Blood spills across tables, splattering on the white tablecloths.

“It’s a massacre,” you whisper, too shocked to look away. You wonder if he’s even noticed the two of you.

“It’s a revelation,” Hongjoong grins, laughing as the heads hit the silverware. Slowly people begin to notice, murmurs amongst the crowd as he continues his path. Your gaze moves to the table he's coming upon. There sits a small family, a child laughing with their parents as they eat. He seems unfazed by the patrons, expression mute as he makes his way. Hongjoong’s hand falls from your lips, giving you an opportunity to speak.

“Yeosang!”

He stills in his movements, head immediately moving to where you sit. The emotionless expression shifts to horror, gaze flicking over yours, as if you aren’t truly there. So it is as you suspected - he never knew you were in the room. Would he have even cared if he did?

“I’ll let you have a moment with him. Unfortunately, I have to finish the job. No witnesses,” he shrugs, leaving you alone at the table as you stare at Yeosang across the room. He drops the knife from his hand, steps hurried. You stand up from your spot, body shaking as he moves closer.

Yeosang is just like the others. It was foolish to think otherwise. Rose was right in her words – they are monsters, and there’s nothing you can do to stop them. Even Yeosang, the sweet man who wooed you beyond simple words, is just like the rest of them. You try to back away but he uses his speed against you. Hands wrapping around your arms as he stares at you. You look down, the blood staining his fingers rubbing off on your shirt. Surrounded by it often should have numbed your senses. But it is as it was before, your stomach turning. He holds your face in his hands, brows furrowed as he meets yours. You flinch at his thumb rubbing against your cheek.

"You weren't supposed to see me like this, pretty," he whispers, eyes flicking to your lips. He traces the outline, humming softly. "You were supposed to be home."

If it's fear holding you back from speaking you don't dwell on it. His head tilts, sucking in a breath. "Say something to me. Tell me."

You were never able to resist his charm, even now. Your hands rise, covering his. He shivers at how hot yours are, even as you pull them off your face. You take a step back, the screams rising in volume. People around you are desperate to escape; Cries of children. the sounds of gargling, choking, Hongjoong swiftly killing each and every person. You hold your hands over your ears, crouching into a ball as the sounds just seem to grow louder and louder. The cool touch of his makes you tense and he immediately pulls away.

"I…" You stop in your own words, glass breaking. Sobs continue to drake your body. They're killers. They kill. It's so foolish of you to think otherwise.

He crouched down next to you, "Rose–"

He stills.

"I was a fool," you whisper, swallowing slowly. "I'm a fool, aren't I?"

"No. No. It was a slip of the tongue, y/n. I swear it. I know you, I know there's a difference."

“How about you go back home, Yeosang? We have important things to discuss.”

You don’t dare look Yeosang in the eyes again, afraid that what you might see will only hurt you more. You’re not too sure when he left, but the room has suddenly become quiet. You look up.

Hongjoong’s tongue drags across his skin. An almost giddy, joyful expression crosses his gaze– absolutism, resolved, accomplished. How someone can hold pure glee inside of them as they lick off the blood of the person they killed is beyond you. His burning gaze reaches yours. Hungry. Satisfied. The gaze of a man who knows he has won. He drops the last body from his hands, the thump echoing in your ears through the ringing. He steps over the other bodies, kicking some of them on his slow stroll to you.

You crumble. There is no use for it, that you know. You could run to the ends of the Earth and he will find you with ease. No matter what words you say to reject him he merely takes it as motivation to continue, another obstacle to overcome. You could spend your last breath telling him how much you hate him and he will only guffaw. The question you have is silly, obscene even. But you must know. You must know to determine what your next steps will be.

"Will you ever let me go?"

He stops less than a foot away from you, smiling. It's a horrid expression to look back at, lips curled back, eyes widened to the point of being disturbing to gaze upon. He tilts his head the same way he always does, fingers curled around the wooden handle. The irises of his eyes slowly glaze over, red replaced with an iridescent white. He crouches down, lifting your chin with the blunt end of his knife.

"There is not a place you will go where I will not find you, my sea. If there were a chance you'd attempt to get away, I will only appear by your side again and again and again," he pressed his cheek against yours, a low hum. "Why would you want to leave me? You can have anything you desire when you stay."

When. Not if.

"And if I am to die?"

"Oh no," he moves away from you, bottom lip poking out, hand cupping your face. His knife is steady as he rubs his thumb against your cheek. "Your soul is mine. If you die, I will only find you again. Why do through the torture of us doing this all over, when you can just accept it as it is?"

"You've waited hundreds–"

He sighs loudly, "And I will wait more. I will not die. And as long as I am here, you will be. That is just how the fates decide."

He hooks his arm beneath yours, lifting you with ease. "Now let us go home. The others are waiting for you."

His warm lips press against your forehead. Your eyes are wide open as he pushes the bodies to the slide. The blood staining his clothing soaks into yours. He doesn't seem to care though, humming that eerily familiar tune again. It is the opposite of comforting. But you let your body relax in his arms.

You let him take you back home.

---

tags: @revehosh @mrcarrots @belletiny @sansblkgirlfriend @hwadump @honeyedtalisman @atzcoke @glitterhongjoong @whatudowhennooneseesyou @marievllr-abg @arkive78 @dysftopia @kpopnightingale @wxnderingthoughts @jenniee-tm @hongshines @atinytease @multidreams-and-desires @yla-aira @wommypeaches @avantalem @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @toxicccred @xciiiomwliah @madelinelina @kirooz @a-tiny-teez @tenebrisirae @ageofjade @n0v4t33z @yoongiigolden @jonghoharibo @fl0r4f4wn @gh0stbish @kodsukein @vitrealislux @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @spiderrenjunfics @aeoliannie @tannie13 @leeknowsalot @xshansimsx @seojonneh @shingene @justconniez @mingi-banana @anushka-k @nightmarej1n @watamotee33 @dear-dreamie @the-ghostest-with-the-mostest @jaxavance @malyxsoulpersonal @az-con @charreddonuts @beautysirens @sunukissed @lixpixstix

#fic: clair de lune #ateez x reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez yandere

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tbzhub · 11 months

Text

Lucky Charm

Pairing: drummer!Eric Sohn x gender neutral reader

feat. vocalist!Jung Subin, guitarist!Han Jisung, keyboardist!Choi Beomgyu, and bassist/vocalist!Lee Jooyeon

Summary: You’re the only one who can’t tag along for the entire tour.

Warnings: curse words, brief mention of drinking, kind of suggestive? idk

Rating / Genre: PG -13, metal band au, established relationship, fluff, angst

WC: 2.3K~

Artist Note: SO, I’ve been in a major rut and my lovely bestie, @everynewiee came up with a great idea to get me writing again. This fic is for her but feedback is encouraged and appreciated.

m.list tag list

“Ooookayyy, this is the last one” the roadie says, waiting rather impatiently for the pink instant film camera in his hands to spit out the final group picture. This last one was for you, a keepsake to commemorate the band’s monumental achievement.

Everyone had jitters of excitement, this was the first time that Fragile Senses was leaving the local scene after getting picked up to tour with a band that Eric has been idolizing since you’ve known him. The first leg of the tour started in your hometown and for the next three months, they’d travel around the country in a Subin’s cramped, rusty van opening for some of the biggest names in the metalcore scene.

It was exciting, it was going to be crazy, insane even. At least that’s what Beomgyu kept saying practically on repeat last night when you all went out to celebrate.

The band always went out the night before a show, it was a silly tradition that Jooyeon started before their first ever gig a few years back, where they all got irresponsibly plastered the night before to quell the nerves, because in his words, “it’s easier to fight a hangover than stage fright,” and somehow it worked?

You’ve never missed a night out or a concert. But after tonight you’d miss everything. While everyone else was down to squeeze into a 06’ Ford Econoline, you literally couldn’t. You were the only girlfriend that wouldn’t be tagging along and although Eric was super sweet and understanding about it, you couldn’t help the negative emotions that kept coming up.

You wanted to be with him, three months is a long time away… and the thought of the band being surrounded by groupies every single night worried you.

“Here you go,” Jisung says, grinning as he hands you the picture and then his voice goes loud.

“Alright, guys! We gotta get backstage to set up. Kiss your girls and boys, so we can go.”

“NO MORE PICTURES,” he snaps at Subin just before the vocalist is about to take what has to be the 247th selfie with his boyfriend.

Your head swivels in the boy's direction just in time to see Subin cheekily snap another picture and then he’s peeled away from his boyfriend by Jooyeon.

“Eric, five minutes,” you hear Jisung say as everyone scatters to their respective places and duties.

Eric’s arm stays wrapped around your shoulder all the while he leads you towards the back entrance of the concert venue.

“This is cool, right?” He says and you can hear the smile that couples with the excitement in his tone as you quietly hum in agreement beside him.

“But I don’t get to hug you right before you go on,” you add in as you carefully make your way up a rickety metal flight of steps and his hand finds yours to give it a tender squeeze.

“You’ll be able to see me from a better angle though and this place is way nicer than any other venue that we’ve ever played in.” He counters happily.

“Plus, now you’ll have this entire space to yourself”, he says and you hear the sense of pride in his voice as he opens the door to the VIP booth that he was able to reserve for you.

Your face lights up at the quaint space, the velvet cushions look comfy– much better than sitting on top of a large amp on the far side of a tiny stage like usual, but you also enjoyed being able to watch their band from behind the scenes, it made you feel special.

Still from up this high you’d be able to see everything, even now you can see Beomgyu’s girlfriend and Subin’s boyfriend trying to snake their way through the slowly growing crowd of people waiting for the show to start.

You’ve never been able to watch them play from the pit like everyone else, too dangerous and Eric never ever wanted you in harm's way, not even for a moment. So now you’ve grown used to the backstage treatment and the hustle and bustle that came with the pre-showtime set up routines. But from up here, it just seemed like another thing you’d be missing out on and you couldn’t help the way your bottom lip juts out.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Eric asks, frowning out of concern but you see the way he’s tapping his foot, antsy to get back to the guys, yet you know his care was genuine and earnest.

This wasn’t the first time he’s asked this question and your answer still remains the same.

“Nothing,” you reply with a smile plastered on your face as you look up at him, hand coming to rest at the back of his neck as he leans forward and presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

“I’m proud of you. Thank you for this.” Your words come out hushed as he wraps his arms around your body in a warm hug and your face is buried into his graphic tee. You’d assume he’d smell gross and sweaty after all the heavy equipment they've moved around today in the hot sun but as you breathe in a long sigh, he still smells like your boyfriend; citrus and sandalwood soap, cologne, and the faint– yet distinct, smell of their makeshift recording studio.

“Okay, baby. I have to go, I know Jisung is backstage burning a hole through the floor waiting for me.” He announces, giving you another gentle squeeze before letting you go and walking towards the stairs.

“Good luck!” You call out as you sit down, starting to get comfy in your chair.

“Don’t need it! I have my lucky charm for one more night!” He shouts back from halfway down the steps.

Just when you’re about to pull out the picture from earlier to get a better look at it, you hear Eric running back up the metal stairs.

“Wait! I forgot something.” He says with a grin as he runs over to you and then he leans down for a kiss, lips waiting for yours to meet his own.

“Really? Aren’t you behind schedule?” You say through a giggle before you kiss him back.

“I can’t go on stage without it.” He murmurs against your lips before stealing a few quick kisses for extra measure and then he’s dashing towards the stairs once more.

And the cheeky smile he flashes your way before he finally leaves makes butterflies flutter in your stomach and your heart sink at the same time. Only Eric could create anomalies within you like this and this time it was because you knew you were going to miss seeing that sneaky smile so much.

You were going to miss him so fucking much.

You hear your name being called from the crowd below and smile once you see Jooyeon and Jisung’s girlfriends smiling faces as they frantically wave their hands up in their attempt to get your attention. Everyone was all together and ready for the next set to start. The opener was good but you thought Fragile Senses was better, their vocalist didn’t work the crowd like Subin and Jooyeon usually do when they perform so it made listening to their set rather boring for you.

The lights go dark and you hear cheers from the crowd as five dark shadows walk across the stage and you perk up when you recognize the last person in line and as everyone gets to their places you ready your camera, excited to film Fragile Senses first legit show.

“We did fucking amazing!” Beomgyu yells— again, rowdy as a toddler hopped up on a day's worth of sugar, but you suppose he still was riding the wave of a stellar night just like everyone else.

“We killed that shit.” Jisung admits as he fist bumps the hyped up keyboardist.

“Did you see how crazy that crowd got at Eric’s drum solo at the end? I saw someone’s shoe fly into the air and it never came back down.” Jooyeon says through a chuckle. “I almost messed up my last rift from laughing so hard.”

“I have literally never sang in front of that many people before, I thought I was going to throw up.” Subin says and everyone starts laughing.

“But you didn’t and that's what counts”, Eric says pointing his drumstick at the older frontman.

“I can’t wait to do that again tomorrow! When are we going to get on the road, Jisung? Next stop is a 6-hour drive and it’s already 2am.” Subin asks, from where he lays sprawled across his boyfriend’s lap. Jisung looks over at Eric and you can see the silent conversation going on between the two but it was a language you couldn't speak.

Finally, Eric lets out a heavy sigh beside you and then he hops to his feet, reaching his hand out for you to grab.

It’s silent at first as you both wait for your uber to come and pick you up.

“She’s 12 minutes away,” Eric says, shattering the silence with the worst sentence he could possibly say given the situation.

Only 12 minutes left.

“Okay,” you say and your lip starts to quiver.

“Baby, please let it out. I know you’ve been holding this in all day. Now we have like 11 minutes. I don’t want you to fall apart all alone when you get home.”

Eric was right and you could hear the pleading hint in his tone but for whatever reason you wanted to live in denial just a little bit longer.

“M’ fine.” You mumble but the hot tears that spill down your cheeks say otherwise and Eric doesn't miss a beat at pulling you into his arms for a hug.

“I’ll call you every second I can. I’ll send you tons of pictures and I promise to text you so much that you’ll want to block my number before you go to sleep.” He starts, grip going tighter around your waist.

“I’ll send you a souvenir from each city I visit– I won’t wait to give them to you when I get back. I promise I’ll make the effort to make you feel special while I’m away.” For a second it sounds like he might be crying too.

“But–” you try to speak but your words dissolve into a sob as you feel warm hands rub up and down your back.

“I’ll miss you so much baby. I’m going to hate being a 9th wheel.” Eric says and you know he’s trying to reassure you with a joke and that makes you bury your face into his chest, wiping your tears all over his dark colored shirt. He really was the perfect boyfriend and you were going to miss him more than anything.

“I just– I don’t want to be left behind.” You finally choke out in a weak voice.

“I want to be with you for the entire tour and I can’t. I want to be like all the other partner’s. I don’t want you to feel alone while you’re away and there’s nothing I can do. I want to see you guys kill it every night, not just tonight.” You're rambling now as headlights begin to illuminate your bodies and you refuse to turn around.

“I can’t kiss you before you go on stage.” You say in a pout and Eric knows he shouldn't find any part of this cute but he does. You’re the cutest in his eyes.

“Then kiss me now.” He urges as he hooks his finger underneath your chin, tilting your head upwards before he melds his lips to yours and this kiss feels like so much more than a goodbye. There’s love, lust, yearning, and everything else packed into one single kiss, but above all else there’s a promise. A promise that Eric will come back to you in one piece and with stories to tell.

The uber honks twice, basically forcing you two apart and Eric frowns before opening the car door for you and helping you inside.

“Get her home safe please, I’m in love with her.” He says jokingly to the uber driver, before returning his attention to you for one more hug and a kiss on the lips.

“Bye baby, I love you. See you soon.” His lips are curved upwards in a smirk as he kisses you one more time.

“And who knows? Maybe when I’m a big time artist I’ll start flying you out.” He teases before closing the door and with that you leave Fragile Senses to embark on their journey with one less girlfriend in the mix.

You don’t feel happy but you also don’t feel sad. And as you sit in the back seat, letting some random woman drive you home, you remember that you still haven't checked out your picture since it’s been fully developed.

Pulling it out of your bag, you use the light from your phone to stare down at the group picture and immediately you’re giggling as tears roll down your cheeks.

Jisung looked more serious than he actually was with his girlfriend tucked underneath arm sticking her tongue out. Beomgyu was posed in a way that made it look like Subin was about to smack his ass while his girlfriend was throwing up the peace sign beside Subin’s dapper-looking boyfriend— the only one smiling like a normal person. Yoojeon was holding his guitar over his head while his girlfriend posed like she was screaming into a microphone. At the far end of the picture you were making a half heart against your left cheek while Eric’s lips were pressed to the other.

You loved it. The part you loved the most about it was how happy you looked surrounded by all of them. Three months wasn’t that long and even though you’d miss a lot, you were happy to have people in your life that they all wished you could come along for the ride.

#kvanity #eric sohn imagines #eric sohn #eric sohn x reader #the boyz drabbles #the boyz fluff #eric sohn drabbles #eric sohn fluff #the boyz imagines #tbz fluff #tbz x reader #tbz drabbles #tbz imagines #tbz eric

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beautifulchris · 10 months

Text

love potion

pairing: seo changbin x gn!reader

wc: 4,9k

featuring: bang chan, lee minho, victon’s subin, the boyz’s haknyeon, i-dle’s soyeon, bts’ jeongguk, got7’s yugyeom, golden child’s donghyun

summary: changbin has been your best friend for years now, harboring feelings for you. on the other hand, you’re too absorbed by the cute hufflepuff quidditch fan to notice.

genres: hogwarts!au, best friends to lovers!au, slytherin!changbin, slytherin!reader, fluff, humor (i tried)

tw: swearing, food, jealousy

notes: moodboard made by me, pictures found on the internet. reposting works from my old blog

order of writing: chan - jisung - minho - hyunjin - jeongin - seungmin - changbin - felix

networks: @kflixnet @k-labels @straykidsland @kwritersworld

tag list: @badwithten @soobin-chois @raethethey send ask/dm/comment to be added!

“BINNIE!!” you yelled as soon as you spotted your black haired best friend in the crowd at the train station.

Just when he was turning to face you, you crashed into him, and he had to use every strength in his body to not fall over. He held you tight while gently patting your back. Once on the train, you talked about your respective summertime until you arrived at Hogwarts. It was your fifth year for both of you, and you were excited.

“Class started three days ago and I already have four parchments to write plus two exams next week. I know the O.W.L.S. are important but this is straight up overworking poor fifteen years olds. I’m still not over my summer holidays.”

You let out a deep sigh, pushing yourself deeper atop the table, your left cheek on your crossed arms.

Changbin chuckled next to you. “I don’t want to imagine how you’ll react in a few months when we won’t be able to breathe because we’ll crumble under an astronomical amount of homework.”

You straightened your back, eyes wide, then whined and got back to your previous position. “I have astronomy class tonight… how will I survive?”

Your best friend scoffed while rubbing soothing circles on your back. “You’ll be fine. I’ll be there.”

“I won’t survive this year,” you mumbled, eyes closed.

“You’re being overdramatic.”

Of course, you were. People only needed to spend ten minutes with you to know. Changbin liked this side of you, it was always fun to him, how you could say dramatic stuff while looking this cute. You’ll never catch him say that out loud, though.

A few weeks later, Changbin was on his way to his first Quidditch practice with his teammates —you were accompanying them— when a group of Gryffindors came to him, fifth year Haknyeon leading.

“Hey Changbin,” he called, “I bet I’m faster than you on a broom.”

“Is that why I’m on the Quidditch team and you’re not?” he retorted. A few teammates laughed.

Haknyeon scoffed, visibly upset. Then shrugged. “I’ll try not to humiliate you too much.”

“Why don’t you let your broom do the talking? I’m ready to fly whenever you are,” Changbin smirked.

“I’ve seen Haknyeon practice for hours on the Training Grounds,” Yugyeom, beater of your House, whispered to the team.

“Come on, you can win this with your eyes closed,” a Gryffindor encouraged his housemate.

“If the referee asks, I don’t condone this,” Soyeon, captain of the Slytherin team, warned with her hands up.

Changbin and Haknyeon prepared for the race, getting on their brooms.

“Loser buys the butterbeer. That’s you, Ju.”

Ju Haknyeon tsked and you approached your best friend. “Please, don’t end up in the Hospital Wing, Binnie.”

“I thought you had more faith in me,” he winked.

You moved back, rolling your eyes amusedly as they started the race.

“This is the race I didn’t know I wanted,” a Gryffindor said excitedly.

It was tight, until Haknyeon decided to push Changbin. They were going straight to a statue and didn’t seem to realize it. Changbin avoided it with ease though, while Haknyeon wasn’t so lucky, his robes getting caught in the lance’s statue. He kept flying and his robes ripped apart. Your best friend arrived safely on the ground and a few moments later, Haknyeon arrived as well, throwing his broom on the floor in frustration.

Changbin’s teammates were laughing, even Soyeon was giggling. “It was really fun to watch, but we have practice,” Jeongguk, the second beater, announced.

“It was a good race,” Changbin proposed his hand for Haknyeon to shake, which he did.

“It was. Next time I’ll win, though.”

“We’ll see about that. Don’t forget you owe me that butterbeer!”

You all left for the Quidditch Pitch; the team for practice, you to cheer on Changbin from the stands. He always said it helped him do better. So you used practice to do your homework, but always ended up sidetracking, due to a fervent Quidditch fan going to a lot of practices from every house. You often wondered if Subin was twenty four hours in the stands. I mean, you wouldn’t complain, because Subin was a pretty cute Hufflepuff that was always cheering on everyone.

Second Saturday of December, you went to Hogsmeade with your best friend.

“Binnie,” you called from the scarves alley, “how about this one?” He was sitting on a fir green leather bench next to the fitting room in Gladrags Wizardwear, the clothing shop of Hogsmeade.

“Now that is a pretty scarf. Emerald and silver stripes, nice and simple. You see, the purple one wasn’t really going well with the green of your tie and robes.”

“You’re right, I’ll take it,” you smiled.

You turned around and when your eyes landed on someone outside, you stopped yourself and stared, a shy smile on your face. Changbin curiously got up then followed your gaze but, upon seeing nothing, was confused by your behavior.

“What’s going on?”

“Subin walked past and smiled at me,” you beamed.

“Oh, I see. Better pay for the scarf and go if you want to talk to him, then.”

Yes, you had an embarrassing crush on the cutest Hufflepuff ever. Have you talked to him before? Eh. Made a whole conversation? Now, let’s not get over ourselves. He just always smiled when he caught you staring or when you bumped into each other in the hallways. He was just so sweet.

“I still can’t believe you fell for a smile.”

“Those are powerful things, you know?”

Oh, he knew alright. He fell for yours.

“I can’t believe this guy! Five gallions a scarf? It better lasts until the end of my school years,” you huffed loudly, putting away your wallet.

“Stop whining, you bought it anyway.”

“Well yeah, I need to stay warm this winter.”

“Remind me again why you’re buying it now?” His tone was teasing, making your eyes roll.

“A crup destroyed it yesterday during care of magical creatures class but I’m sure you don’t need a reminder,” you answered bitterly. You remembered how his laugh was louder than everyone else’s.

“You’re right. That was so funny.”

You had the urge to smack him but stopped yourself. “Stop mocking me, it was the scarf or my face!”

You didn’t spot Subin again that day, but Haknyeon did buy Changbin butterbeer like promised.

Classes were hard, but you were holding up just fine, compared to your whines the first week. Sometimes you were even a little too enthusiastic, like with the crup.

Now, the only pet that terrorized everyone but Changbin and you is his scops owl, Yogi. He loved you, somehow, while he could tear apart another student just because he walked too close to it for comfort.

Actually, it happened before.

Once.

First year. Yogi was on Changbin’s shoulder as he was walking to the owlery, when a student —was he a Ravenclaw? Probably a 3rd year at the time— bumped into his shoulder by accident. Right before Changbin could do anything, Yogi flew to the guy, lacerated his clothes and skin while giving him pecks, all the while flying around him. The poor Ravenclaw tried to cover his head with his arms.

After a few seconds, Changbin realized the gravity of the situation. He called Yogi who flew right back on his owner’s shoulder, not without barking in the boy’s direction.

The latter slowly dropped his arms on his sides and got up, visibly upset. “He tried to kill me!!”

“Yeah he does that, sorry! It’s nothing personal,” Changbin shrugged. “I suggest you go to the infirmary, dude, it’s not looking good.” He gestured to the upper body of the 3rd year who left in a hurry, a big frown on his face.

Since that day, Yogi stayed in the owlery to avoid having the whole school at Changbin’s throat because of his tiny and aggressive pet. He was happy, though, he could make friends and leave whenever and wherever, instead of being kept in a room full of hormones and sweat. I mean, the choice was quickly made.

The fifth match opposing Slytherin to Hufflepuff was coming soon, and you knew Subin was going to be there. So, as the skilled-at-potion-teenage-witch-in-love you were, your great idea was to induce chocolate chip cookies with a love potion and offer them to him after the match.

“It’s a love potion, what could possibly go wrong?” you whispered to yourself over your cauldron.

I could give you a list.

You purposely kept your plan to yourself, knowing what your best friend would say —and rightfully so, might I add— about the dangers of love potions, but really the most dangerous was amortentia, which was why you chose another one. The potion you decided to make was supposed to bring to the surface already existing feelings, not create an infatuation or obsession. You knew love couldn’t be created by a potion, and you didn’t want that either. Also, it wouldn’t last really long, just two to three hours, enough time for someone to confess their feelings.

Thinking about your best friend, though, you decided to make regular cookies to congratulate him on his next win —you were persuaded Slytherin would win. Once ready, you put them in different bags, naming them ‘S’ for Subin and ‘Q’ for the Quidditch team.

On the day of the match, you walked proudly in the direction of the Quidditch pitch with your potion-induced cookies in one hand and the normal ones in the other.

Arriving at the changing room, you entered with your eyes closed —who knew what you could witness— and called for Changbin.

“Scared of seeing a few muscles, Y/N?” You recognized Jeongguk’s joking voice.

A hand took your wrist and gently pulled you outside before you could reply.

“Is that cookies? For me?”

As you opened your eyes, you saw Changbin reaching for one bag, but you were quick to dodge his hand. “You’ll have to win first.”

“See you soon, then,” he spoke to the cookies with a smirk.

“I came to say good luck. You’re gonna win easily.” He thanked you with a hug.

“Who’s the second bag for?” your best friend asked, and you turned your head in embarrassment. “Let me guess. Subin?”

“Not so loud!” you whisper-shouted as you put your hand over his mouth, having now both bags in the other one.

“Too late.” You turned around super fast, losing your grip on the bags in the process. But no one was behind you. “I was joking,” he laughed, “your face was priceless. We’ll definitely win this match.”

He left you to join his team who was calling for him and you picked up the bags, realizing some cookies were broken. “I should be hexing you!” you shouted but wasn’t sure he heard. You walked up to the stands, searching for familiar faces.

The cookies safely installed in your robes’ pockets, you sat next to your Slytherin friends and watched as the Hufflepuff’s team came flying on the pitch. Next was your house. Changbin was already showing off his flying skills by swirling and spinning around the area. He stopped in front of you and gave you a thumbs up, which, despite the trick he pulled only minutes prior, you mirrored. You could never hate him, even if you tried.

Ten minutes into the match, Juyeon, one of Hufflepuff”s beaters, sent a bludger to your house’s keeper, San. Changbin was quick to borrow Yugyeom’s bat to send the bludger away before it could touch San. You heard someone in the crowd say: “Wow, Changbin is not only fast, he’s pretty strong too.” Damn right.

Your house won 190 to 140. It was time Changbin caught the snitch, or it would’ve been embarrassing for everyone. As promised, you went back to the changing room to deliver the cookies.

“You did so good,” you excitedly said as Changbin took the bag from your hand. “You can share with everyone, I made a lot.”

“Thanks Y/N, you’re the best.”

“You are!” Soyeon chimed in.

“Come on, go talk to your crush. I just saw him leave,” he urged you, pushing you out of the changing room. When you turned around, he wasn’t there anymore.

Subin was walking back to the castle, a little pout on his face. You ran up to him, and called his name. When he saw you, he smiled. “Y/N, hey. What’s up?”

“I, uh, wanted to give you these cookies,” you sheepishly said as you handed him the second bag. He reached for them as he thanked you. “And I’m sorry you guys didn’t win. But, for what it’s worth, you’re first in the course for the House Cup.”

“Thank you, Y/N, it’s really kind of you. Your house team played well, and Changbin is a really skilled seeker.”

“He is,” you acquiesced with a proud smile. Finally, Subin opened the bag and took a relatively complete cookie. “Sorry, I dropped them earlier…”

“No problem, they still look good.” Ah, this smile. Pretty cute. He started chewing, and you kept your eyes on him, waiting for a reaction. “Wow, it’s fantastic!”

“You think?” Your cheeks felt hot, he loved your cookies. One win.

“Really, it’s the best cookie I’ve ever tasted. Which oddly reminds me I have to talk to someone. Thank you again for the cookies, Y/N!” With that, he accidentally dropped the bag and ran to the castle. With fast reflexes, you caught it before it could reach the floor.

You were confused. Did it not work? There was still the ‘S’ written in black on the transparent bag. Did you make a mistake when naming the bags? A vision of horror crossed your mind as you sprinted back to the changing room. You prepared yourself for the worst when entering the room, but nothing seemed weird. Everyone was finishing changing in a good mood. So, either you didn’t exchange the bags and Subin felt nothing for you or no one here liked anyone—you lowkey preferred this second suggestion.

When Changbin saw you, he frowned and approached you. “Are you okay? How did it go?”

“Good, he liked my cookies,” you tried to smile but after running so much, you puffed a bit.

“Then why do you still have them, then?”

“Oh? Right, he, uh, gave them back.”

“That’s not polite,” he said without a shadow of a smile. Was that a clenched jaw?

“He didn’t do it on purpose, I promise.”

“What do you mean? How can you not give back a gift on purpose?” Great question, funny story.

“It’s… complicated.”

Your best friend huffed. “I’ll show him.” He took his stuff and left the changing room under the whole Slytherin Quidditch team confused eyes, and you followed him closely.

“I assure you, it’s nothing.”

“Nothing?” He stopped in his tracks and faced you. “Can I have a cookie, please?”

“No?” You nervously laughed as he raised a brow.

“Why not?”

“Because, uh, the… chocolate is melted. Yeah.”

“I don’t mind.” He extended an arm, palm up to receive a cookie. Refusing meant telling him the truth… “Thanks.”

Like with Subin, you waited for a reaction. “So, what did you want to prove?”

“A point.”

“Which is…?”

“That you put something in these cookies,” he said calmly.

Saying you were shocked was an understatement. “How did you know?!”

“Come on, Y/N, you’ve never baked anything in our five years of friendship and suddenly it’s a whole batch, plus you didn’t want me to touch it before the game. Felt suspicious. But the biggest clue is that you still have the bag.”

“As always, you have an amazing sense of observation,” you muttered, quite embarrassed.

“Yes, and I’m far from being a potion expert, but I honestly believe that your love potion works perfectly.”

What?

He smiled faintly and turned back to the castle, leaving you puzzled and pensive. You didn’t say what kind of potion it was… How did he know?

Lost in thought, you barely reacted when the Slytherin team patted you on the back, thanking you for the cookies, on the way back to celebrate their victory.

Then, it hit you. You ran past the team when they arrived at the stairs, almost tripping over your feet. In your search for your best friend, you bumped into Subin in the Entrance Hall, walking towards the Great Hall.

“Subin?” you called, stopping in front of him. “Are you okay?”

“Never better. You?” Here it was. The genuine and cute smile.

“I’m okay. I don’t really know how to say this but… um…”

“You can tell me anything,” he assured.

“O—okay. I like… you.”

“You mean…” You nodded. He was confused for a few seconds. “Oh. I’m so sorry Y/N, I’m flattered but I don’t feel the same way.”

“Oh, I thought, you know, because you’re always smiling at me…”

“I’m a smiley giggling idiot, that’s for sure. But I’m like that with basically everyone. I’m sorry.” You knew he was genuine, and it somehow made the rejection more bearable.

“It’s alright, I feel better now that I told you.”

Awkward silence —especially on your part.

“You remember earlier when I said I had to talk to someone? Well, it was Chaeyoung. I like her and I don’t know, I just felt the urge to tell her.”

Oh.

“About that…”

“Yes?”

“It’s my fault. There was a love potion that makes you realize your feelings of some sort in the cookie. I wanted to see if you liked me without creating any false feelings. I’m so sorry, I… I shouldn’t have done that,” you muttered, staring at your shoes and picking at your clothes.

“… I see. Thank you for telling me. It’s unconventional for sure, but, thanks to you, I shot my shot.”

You felt like he only reacted that way because he was still under the effects of the potion and you hoped he wouldn’t hate you once it wore off.

“How did it go?”

“She said she liked me too. We’re going on a date tomorrow at Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop.”

“I’m happy for you. Honestly,” you smiled. If he wasn’t going to be happy with you, at least he would be with Chaeyoung, and who were you to hate them or try to change that?

“Thank you, and I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings.”

“No, please, don’t apologize, no one can control those.”

“Not that it changes anything, but I always thought you and Changbin were a thing.”

Wha–

“We’re just best friends.”

“I believe you,” he smiled then reassuringly squeezed your shoulder before finally entering the Great Hall.

You stayed there for a hot minute, mindlessly staring in the distance. Then did the stupidest thing you could do: avoid Changbin, and clearly not tell him about what just happened with Subin.

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

A week later, the last match of the season opposing Gryffindor and Ravenclaw ended with Ravenclaw’s victory 420 to 310. Despite this win, Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup with 910 points. Ravenclaw was close behind with 880 points, Slytherin next with 770 and then Hufflepuff with 470.

Chan made sure to tell Changbin how he was right about his house winning (see Jeongin’s) and when Changbin didn’t seem to hear, he asked what was wrong.

“Y/N is avoiding me.”

“What? Why?”

“Last week, they made a potion… for their crush, and I tasted it. It felt like my love for them only grew stronger —which I thought impossible—, and it made me want to scream how much I loved them. I stopped myself, of course, and that’s the last time we spoke.”

“Tough. Have you tried speaking to them?”

“You’re asking this as if it didn’t cross my mind in a whole week.”

“Mh… Bitter failure, then. Well, you’re in luck! I know a guy who knows a friend of Y/N.”

“I’m afraid to ask where this nonsense is going.”

“Hush. Just say the word and Y/N will probably listen to you.”

This was awfully mysterious. “Probably? How would you do that?”

“That’s for me to deal with and you to be ignorant about. So?”

Changbin sighed deeply, wondering what he did in his past life to deserve such a weird friend. “Okay. Thanks, Chan.”

“No problem, man. Just be in your common room before dinner tonight.

A whole week without speaking to your best friend was pretty hard, but trying not to crumble under tons of homework was harder. To this, Donghyun was a valuable friend. He helped you with every subject you had in common, which was really thoughtful of him.

“So, that’s why reparo can only work on non-edible objects,” your fellow housemate finished as you wrote down the end of his speech.

“Donghyun, you have no idea how thankful I am.” You put down your quill and threw your head back under the laughter of your friend.

“You say that every day.”

“And I mean it every time!”

“That’s kind of you. Tomorrow, same time?” he proposed as he suddenly got up, putting his stuff in his backpack.

“Sure…” you replied, looking at him suspiciously. He never acted like this before.

“Sorry, I have to go. Bye,” he waved at you then left the common room quickly.

Wondering why he left so abruptly, you didn’t notice someone else sitting next to you.

“Hey… Are you mad at me?”

The question taking you aback, you didn’t have it in you to flee again.

“Of course not, Binnie. I’m just embarrassed.”

“Why’s that?”

“Do I really have to remind you?”

He gave you a weak smile. “No…”

“I’m sorry for avoiding you. You didn’t do anything wrong,” you said as you played with the hem of your robe.

“Why did you, then?”

You sighed. “Subin doesn’t like me.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Oh, don’t be. Some people are meant to stay unloved.” Changbin would’ve laughed at your dramatics, but it was a serious matter —for him at least.

“Uh, that’s not true. I believe everyone’s loved, it’s just that some don’t act on it.”

“Why?”

“… They’re scared of rejection. Or they have too much pride. They don’t want to ruin a friendship. They’d rather see the other happy with someone else than try to change how the person they love feels about them.”

Suspicious.

Oh, right. The reason why he knew it was a love potion: he liked someone.

“You seem to have thought about it a lot. Do you have feelings for someone, Binnie?”

“N—no, of course not.” The red of his cheeks told a different story.

“And you never knew how to lie. I’ll find out, loverboy.”

“I don’t like anyone!” he tried.

“Nah, I don’t buy that.”

“Would you look at that,” he looked at his watch, “it’s time for dinner.”

He regretted saying that the second he sat at the Slytherin table.

“Minho, do you know who Binnie likes? He denies it but I know he does.”

Minho gave a pointed look at your best friend but the latter just looked away.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Someone from your year probably.”

Changbin widened his eyes at Minho who didn’t give away any expression because you were looking at him.

“I knew it! Binnie, you sneaky imp, you won’t even tell your best friend!”

“I have my reasons,” he muttered as he avoided your gaze.

“What, is it Tzuyu?”

“No, no.”

“Wooyoung, then?”

“Uh, no.”

“Yeonjun?!”

“No!”

Minho deadpanned as you kept throwing names. You were so oblivious that it was painful for the two boys. Changbin was stammering but you could tell he was being sincere.

“Which house?” you asked Minho, knowing Changbin wouldn’t tell.

He hesitated. Their eyes met and they had a whole unspoken conversation. Finally, Minho turned to you.

“Slytherin.”

Happy, you scanned the table to see who it could be. “I’ll find out sooner or later!”

“Try a mirror,” Changbin wanted to tell you.

Desperately wanting to change the subject, he announced: “I think I’ll try out for the beater position next year.”

Right, it was Yugeom and Jeongguk’s last year at Hogwarts.

“It’s true you’re getting buff,” you commented, mindlessly feeling his arm with your fingers.

His face became so red, Minho laughed for a good minute after that, much to Changbin’s embarrassment and your confusion. “What did I do?”

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

On a warm day of June, Changbin finally had enough. He had to let you know about his feelings.

He lowkey regretted not making you eat your own cookies back in May, and he couldn’t brew the potion himself, because he wasn’t fond of that subject. You were the genius there, not him.

The best way to make you realize your own feelings —friendship or love for him, any was fine but he had to know— was to ask you.

What, you thought he was gonna give an elaborate plan?

Changbin wasn’t the type to plan. He would cut to the chase and be honest. He hoped you would be too.

He had a small smile on his face while waiting for you in the common room. It widened when his eyes fell on your frame, then fell seeing Donghyun walking through the door after you. It wasn’t part of the plan image of your conversation he created in his mind.

To be fair, when asked to come, you said you were coming soon, but didn’t specify with who or what you were going to do. Now it was clear that the subject of your ‘visit’ was working on essays with your favorite tutor.

Fighting it was useless, Changbin’s jealousy was here to stay. He watched as you both sat at the large table in the middle of the room, putting your stuff out and starting to work on defense against the dark arts. He came closer, until you spotted him and shot him your best smile.

His heart pounded at this simple gesture. “Binnie! Come, we’re doing our essay on ghouls. Have you finished it?”

“Of course,” he answered, trying to sound smug, but the look of adoration you gave him weakened him, and he swallowed with difficulty.

Donghyun chuckled a bit at the scene, resulting in your best friend shooting him a glare. You could only amusedly smile at Changbin before reporting your attention to your parchment. He sat across from you, handing you his own neatly written essay.

“Don’t copy word for word,” he demanded as he crossed his arms over his chest before resting them on the table.

“I will only add the few facts I missed,” you promised, suddenly feeling shy under his gaze, a blush creeping up on your cheeks and ears. Your parchment seemed not filled enough.

You worked for about two hours with Donghyun and your best friend was there the whole time, watching you guys write and helping here and there when he could. After your friend left under your thanks to go with other friends, Changbin took his place next to you, and fixed his robe’s sleeves.

“I need to ask you something.”

He seemed nervous, you noted. “I’m all ears.”

Here goes nothing.

“Do you still like Subin?”

Sorry, what? “Huh? Why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” he shrugged, but you noticed the blush creeping up his cheeks.

“No.”

“Okay… do you like anyone else?”

“Yes.”

He swallowed audibly. “Who is the lucky one?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.” Here was your chance to discover if your early conversation with Donghyun was true.

“Tell you what?”

“Who you like.”

There was no escaping this, so he gulped and nodded, “Okay.”

You counted to three, and both said: “you.”

“Me?” Changbin’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“How thick is your damn skull? I mean I love you.”

“Wh– You…” You used the L word!!!! “You’re one to talk! I’ve loved you for years and you’ve never figured it out!”

“It’s true, I’ve been pretty clueless. But! Donghyun and I–” Changbin slightly grimaced at the name. “talked on our way here and he told me how everyone around us thought we were together,” you pointed a finger to the both of you, “him included.”

“Oh…”

You faced the table, reflecting on your oblivious actions.

“Subin too, by the way.”

“Y/N,” he softly called.

“So yeah, I guess I’m the last person to realize my feelings like a stupid kid.”

“Y/N.”

“I’m sorry it took me this long, but hey, at least now you know.”

“Y/N!” he said firmly.

“Yeah?”

“Everyone is watching us right now…”

Indeed, as you looked around, you saw Slytherins of various years talking to each other, their eyes on you both. Your dramatic self had to say something.

“Oh I’m sorry, did you guys think this was a reality show? Are our lives that interesting compared to your boring ones? You better go elsewhere before my boyfriend and I hex the shit out of y’all!”

They quickly cleared out the room, some rolling their eyes and others with an amused smile on their faces. Minho came into view, displaying a knowing smirk as he walked to you. Changbin was as red as a rubis, shocked by what you just called him.

“Took you long enough, Y/N.”

Realization hit, your face and ears burned as you avoided facing any of the boys.

“Shut up, Minho.”

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