#sorry i think i overexplained myself but i just really like all the different ways you can look at it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skunkes · 7 months

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sorry if this is a silly question but do you like. sit down and talk with your ocs in your head? and they tell you about themselves? how do you get them to reveal information....i am begging mine to let me know them orz

I do! In several different ways ^_^ the trick is to think of yourself as a character in your brain theater... ill mostly be explaining thru examples and using silly language ^_^ and its more How I Do It vs a how to....

"Sitting down and talking to em" interrogation style only happens before they're fully formed. when talon still didnt have very many traits it was like we were in a white room with 2 chairs... although you COULD make a scenario out of this its usually the Before for me. final tweaks in the form of basic traits and info before sending em out for further development

the way i get ocs to tell me about themselves is more thru actions! with talon I "locked him in a room" with al in the form of imagining how they'd meet. because I set it in talon's decrepit home with no running water or electricity, there come questions like. would he be accommodating? would he explain the vampirism or just rely on flashing his fangs or hiding them until its time to bite? these arent questions i actually went into the scenario having, but as you Play Dolls its questions that get answered anyway, ykwim? (although you could also go into the simulation (lol) with questions you want answered!) And its your brain so you can do as many takes and tweaks as you want, and things develop as you imagine the same thing, or different things, which all inform a character.

Scenarios could be anything. Im a serial daydreamer so anything goes depending on how bored I am or what im doing... and just like with real people, every scenario is a way to learn more about somebody...! It's like improv in your brain as you think up how they'd react and respond to things, and what they'd say. But also, going with your oc to the grocery store or a restaurant or to slay a dragon could give you insight into their behavior but likely not any info about their trauma or whatever, just like real people (but it also depends on the person) (and the oc!)

I DO have "sit down and talk" scenarios once i feel ive learned enough standard, early level friendship stuff about em though. It's much fun if you set the scene in your mind to mimic a real life Deep Conversation session. Sitting in the backyard on those plastic chairs, or aimless car ride at night. right now the one I keep going back to is just. Loafed in bed when you're really sleepy and just starting to say anything about anything and maybe get a little sentimental. sometimes its just me talking but I obvs have the ability to imagine how he'd be interpreting that in his brain, ykwim?? You play several roles at once I guess. It's like the sims, switching back and forth between povs, but the level of immersion i get into never feels like I'm Making Them Say It, it just feels natural at that point because I've learned enough.

There's also information that's shared by you figuring out what they'd Think (as above) vs what they say which is also fun characterwise... AND ALSO while im daydreaming scenarios I do multiple takes to find their voice. Like, I'm an overexplainer, a detailed therapy-speak-er. Sometimes I catch myself giving ocs that Voice and I have to do a retake. Like hold on, Talon would NOT be introspective. He wouldn't share all that shit I just "made" him say even if it is true and now I know about it. He'd say something insanely vague and confusing if anything at all. Let's take it from the top. etc

It rlly is about immersion! You have to have fun with it! Sometimes it's so Real to me that I genuinely can't develop an oc further because I cant make something up for them and they wont "tell me", which means I just have to spend more time with em I guess! or maybe need to leave em alone for a bit. or maybe ill never know (<- which also tells me about em!) just like real people. treat the fake people like real people in your fake dollhouse brain theater sims lot puppet show simulation.... also i added more in the tags bc i didnt know where to put it in the main txt 😭

#skunk mail #Anonymous #long post #LONG LONG POST.#also i didnt know where to add this but like. regardless of who im making interact #sometimes i imagine it in first person (my pov) sometimes 3rd person (spectator) and sometimes from the perspective of the oc #its like choosing a character in a video jame... like sometimes ill put talon in scenarios by himself and spectate #but other times its like okay what if we do it from his pov how would that change things #interacting with yourself (or other ocs) from the pov of the oc is also really fun.#this person (you) is trying to get you (oc) to open up. how do u react...#what do u know? what do u share?

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ghastlybin · 1 year

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Reader has a strong passion for everything is creepy and dark and she likes to visit old castles and mansions. In one one her trips, she goes in a real beautiful gothic castle but she find the owner: Kim Bora (also SuA is a vampire and they fall in love)

Dude, vampire SuA can on GOD ruin me I am not kidding I don’t even really care for vampires as much as other mythical beings but this is an exception fr and I think I like vampires a little more now that Bora is one SHEESH 🥵 as always, thank you so much for requesting btw!! So sorry if this is late or bad💜💜🫶🫶🥹 ily though but goodnight lol

Pairing: Vampire! SuA x GN Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Genre/contents: Maybe a mixture of angst and fluff? Vampire AU

TW: talks of blood & blood sucking, missing people, implied m u r d e r, cannibal mention but no cannibals involved, I know veins are triggers for some people, these are all just mentions though I’m not detailed about these things but to be safe I will include them here anyway

Note: y’all already know I have to overexplain myself lmao I’m bad at fluff relating to falling in love so please excuse my attempt at it, I also love horror/creepy/dark things so… Yeah. I loved this request sm!! :,) Also also, I lowkey (like 5%) based Bora’s castle off of Castle Dimitrescu from Resident Evil Village because it was a pretty cool & beautiful fcking castle in the game if I gotta say :,) except the window entrance ofc I improvised that shit lol but I hope you enjoy it and that it’s up to your standards, otherwise please please let me know! I’m always open for constructive criticism. 🥹 Adios, until next time

Fck it we’re using this gif again.

On the way out of town, you’ll feel bittersweet, and all the more refreshing, the feeling of leaving the city in your rearview.

Where the roads get narrowly winding and more flora is evident around you and the further the road takes you, you see why you left the city.

And why you may never return.

It was beautiful.

The way certain things unsettled most, how with just the right amount of shade you could turn something completely mundane and make it dark.

From the webs of spiders to coffins, to the macabre style contained in the form of artwork, stories, the horror, even.

The eerie allure of the darkness had to it.

The century-old castles, mansions, and even regular townhomes- All untouched and deprived of signs of life, and at the same time they looked lived in.

The haunting beauty of it all.

You were in the chokehold of all things creepy, all things dark, and a deep-set curiosity.

You didn’t mind the way it all made you feel. Some would say you’re just braver than the rest, others would say you’re weird or that you’ve simply just embraced the darkness.

Maybe you were brave.

Maybe they were weird for not seeing the way you saw things.

Maybe you have embraced the darkness.

You were never afraid of the dark.

You loved it. Growing up, you imagined yourself living in a dark castle or mansion that gave everyone in town eerie chills that would unnerve them to look at, and yet they were still very beautiful to look at.

The other kids back then would debate which urban legend they believed Castle Bora held more.

The one where a vampire was living there in that unexplored, untouched, and far from society-castle- where it was meant to be. That Bora was the name of the vampire living there.

Or the one where Bora was a cannibalistic witch that would lure young people into her Castle to feed on their blood to keep her youth.

You argued that that was still a vampire, not a witch at all, and there was a vastly large difference between vampires, cannibals, and witches.

No one ever listened to your explanations.

But you at least knew the difference between the three.

Castle Bora.

Its grand walls encompassed the area, the pointed arches, the vaulted ceilings that were located on the inside, and the grey tint to the exterior topped off the beauty of the castle altogether.

You knew since you were a kid that you would explore the castle.

You’ve explored Castle Handong, Castle Yoohyeon, and even Castle Yubin before it had closed off to the public for reasons unknown.

Castle Bora has been your goal exploration and the day had finally come.

You had enough money for the transportation, you knew the route thereafter that too had been kept hidden from the public after someone had gone missing when going that same route.

An explorer of old castles and mansions, they said.

That only made you anticipate the trip more. The fascination of what was out there with you and this beautiful castle.

You weren’t crazy, and you didn’t have a death wish.

But you were going to explore this castle.

If that meant sharing the same fate? Well, death was never one of your fears anyway.

The long, winding road stretched on as you drove, excitement building up inside of you as you were finally going to live out your childhood dream.

The paved roads turned into dirt, the trees became more close-knit, and civilization was far beyond you.

And there it was, Castle Bora. Home to the late Kim Bora.

You pulled over to a stop just before the road had been cut off before the gates.

The centuries-old castle looked to be well taken care of, to your surprise. You stopped your car and grabbed a camera and a notepad to transfer to your journal later on before heading for the front gates.

To further your surprise, the gates opened with ease, the loud creak it made was the only sound accompanying you in the isolated area.

The main door was locked, to your dismay, but you’ve never been one to give up. Not when you were this close to getting in.

One thing you learned from the other castles was; there is always at least one window unlocked.

Luckily, you found that one window and it let you into a room that exited into something reminiscent of a main hall located on the other side of the main entrance.

You marveled at the sight.

The beautiful exterior, the chandelier that hung in the middle of the main hall with stairs spiraling upwards, and the wallpaper that had been maintained for centuries.

You took as many photos as you could as well as notes to help keep the memory fresh in your mind for later.

You began to ascend the stairs but were immediately greeted by a rough shove back down the stairs.

Luckily you were only two steps up and didn’t fall as hard as it felt.

Your camera was still intact, but it had slid across the slippery linoleum tiles of the main hall along with your notepad.

“Breaking into my castle, taking photos, notes… Who are you and why shouldn’t I kill you right here?”

You were in a trance seeing the woman descending the stairs and hovering over you. Her beauty was mesmerizing in ways you couldn’t begin to describe,

“I didn’t know someone lived here.”

The woman pulled you up to your feet, harshly by the collar of your shirt.

“No one warned you about me?” She bore a hole into your eyes and for a minute, you felt her peering into your soul.

“Bora?” The corners of your mouth curled upwards. “It’s so cool to meet you.”

Bora blinked, taken aback as she let go of your shirt. “Why aren’t you screaming?”

“That would be rude, wouldn’t it?” You fixed your shirt and retrieved your camera and notepad.

“Everyone screams when they see me.”

You checked your camera to see if it was still functioning. “Why?”

You met her eyes right as she snarled, showing you her fangs and running her tongue under the sharp tip.

“You should fear me.”

And you smiled, even more captivated by her.

“I should,” you took a step closer to her. “But I don’t. You are my role model.”

Bora glared at you, but only for a second and out of disbelief.

You were the first human that hadn’t screamed or tried running away from her. The first human she didn’t immediately lunge at and suck the blood right out of your veins.

The first time she had ever been called a role model.

“If you aren’t going to kick me out, might I request a tour of this beautiful castle?” You mentally prepared yourself for the rejection, seeing as you did break in thinking no one lived here.

But Bora accepted.

She showed you around the entire castle and even let you take more photos and notes. She watched the excited gleam in your eyes the further in she took you.

Everything about her castle she thought was average, you treated it as gold. She appreciated that you were careful as to not make any messes and asked her before you took any other pictures.

It was when you had tilted your head to view a sculpture she had on display for centuries, that she saw the crook of your beck exposed and the veins lying under the layers of skin that could be easily broken by her fangs.

And for the first time in centuries, she fought the urge. The craving or need to taste your blood.

The hunger she felt within.

She wanted you.

But she fought it. She fought it because she was your role model.

She fought it because of how appreciative you were during the tour of her castle.

She fought it because you were the first person in centuries that didn’t treat her as a monster.

Bora wasn’t a witch or a cannibal.

But she was a vampire and vampires have needs too.

“Are your fangs real?” You asked.

Bora snapped out of her craving for sinking her teeth into your neck with a nod.

“So you’re a vampire?” Saying that out loud, you felt silly. Who would ask something like that in someone else’s home?

“Yes.” Bora uttered. You smiled, fascinated.

“Cool.”

“It’s cool until you have to watch every mortal you love die before you.”

Your smile faded a little, and a hint of guilt surfaced.

“Do you want to turn me?”

“Absolutely not.” Bora immediately shook her head. She would never wish her condition on anyone else.

The pain and isolation she’s faced.

Even now, meeting you, she wouldn’t consider it. She was beginning to like your company too.

But she would never simply turn anyone.

“Shame. I wouldn’t mind living here forever.” You spoke, closing your notepad as the tour ended.

“Guess it’s time for me to go?” You looked at her expectantly, hoping she would lead you back to the main entrance.

Hearing you say that, Bora felt the isolation over the centuries kicking in again.

You were invested in her castle, you even broke in to see it. That kind of dedication was admirable to her. And now you were talking about leaving.

Possibly never seeing her again.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Bora blurted, immediately trying to remain cool.

“I promise, it’s not human meat or blood.”

“I would love to.” You smiled, accepting her offer without a moment's hesitation.

She wondered if you’d still have said yes if it were human meat and blood she’d be serving.

You were someone Bora liked having around, despite you breaking in and her almost pouncing on you first thing.

You were someone Bora yearned for in her period of isolation.

Maybe not you specifically, but someone who didn’t run away screaming in terror. Someone who didn’t seem to care that she was a monster.

It scared her to have met you.

Seeing your face, hearing your voice, the faint scent of your blood as you stood beside her, walking beside her, and how she might lunge at you at any given moment if the urge got too strong.

No.

Bora wasn’t afraid because you were a human vessel full of fresh blood.

She was afraid for the first time in centuries, she felt a beat in her chest where her heart should be.

She was afraid of how alive you made her feel by meeting you.

She was afraid you, too, would leave.

“Right this way.”

Bora hoped you would visit her again.

And with a smile, you would vow to.

Back in the city, you’ll smell the pollution of car exhaust and hear cars honking, people chattering, and school or church bells ringing.

And you’ll wish you had never returned.

#dreamcatcher x reader #dreamcatcher imagines #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher au #dreamcatcher sua #dreamcatcher sua x reader #dreamcatcher bora

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vhvrs · 2 years

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Hello I'm so sorry to randomly put this in your inbox, but I have some real questions that I'm kind of too scared to ask anyone else?

I think I'm... I think I finally admitted that I might be trans? I think? I've been so terrified of calling myself that, especially out loud, because I've been so scared that I'm accidentally being transphobic when I can't even figure out my own identity? I'm AFAB, and I like having a very pretty "girl" body and even adore hyperfeminine "girl" things. Like, I love girly stuff and dressing like a girl? Is it the looking like a girl I like? But like, something has always felt off and like it wasn't quite right to just be a "she"? It's so hard to explain because for years I was just a girl, using feminine pronouns and everything. But as I've gotten older, I found myself using they/them more and more often, but it's actually in the last week or so that I've started using he/him pronouns officially instead of just in my head. And guess what? It felt amazing doing it! But here's my problem: What is it called when you're AFAB, do still really like very feminine things and "looking/acting like a girl", but want to use he/him pronouns? I'm so scared and confused and I feel so ashamed because I'm scared I'm just CIS with extra steps? Like, I see a lot of posts that say a lot of people are just muddying the waters and making things even harder for other transgender people, and I would never want to hurt anybody like that! I've tried Googling my question several times, each a different way because I was worried I wasn't wording it properly? But all the results I get are mixed and I'm confused what they mean. Am I allowed to be a boy that's... like, likes being a "girl", just not called a girl? Or at least isn't called a girl all the time? Just sometimes when I feel like it? Maybe?

I know this is all some really heavy stuff and I'm so sorry for just dropping this on you, but I really need help and I don't know where else to turn. If you're unable to help, do you know some other resources that I might try to look for? I'm sorry. You just seem so confident in yourself and your art has been really helpful, but I wanted to ask because I was hoping that I could maybe just get, like... even a sliver of what might be wrong with me? As dumb as this sounds, I'm scared of just being CIS (Again, I am so sorry for this long post, this text really got away from me)

hey i appreciate you feeling like i was the person to come to w this off the bat and not to fret about the ask at all bc im abt to overexplain myself right back - ive been in this exact same position actually! i had a long struggle moving from being a girl into being where i am now and where i am now is.... who knows! ive been figuring myself out for like. eight years at this point n i expect to keep figuring myself out even longer. the train of thought youre on reminds ne a LOT of how i felt when i started thinking i wasnt cis though so ill just kindve. dump what has helped me? and you can take what you want from it.

point blank anyone who says its possible for other trans ppl or even just ppl exploring their gender to bring harm back into the community are full of shit. they said this when i thought i was a genderfluid demigirl eight yrs ago. theyll keep saying it. it will continue to not be true. ive had friends who explored their gender identities and realized they were cis and if anything its really healthy for them and the community! its not bad to go thru that.

on topic, i could try to point you towards specific labels or communities but trying to get caught up in those can sometimes just confuse or scare you more - again speaking from experience trying to google just what i was and what i was going thru. especially trying to figure everything out at once.

like i label myself as a bi agender bc its EASY n to have a vague thing to tell ppl or put on pride icons but at the end of the day, im just theo. thats my identity n that could be yours too! when i think abt my bf, im a gay man. when im watching crazy girlies on a show, im a girl. when i want to buy nonbinary merch bc nobody makes agender merch, im nonbinary. im just theo no matter what.

you dont sound cis and thats the most important thing to remember. even if you were somehow cis w extra steps bc thats. not a thing. even if you looked n acted n dressed exactly as you did when you viewed yourself before all of this but FELT you werent that presentation, you wouldnt be cis. you could like... be a girl but a bit to the left and youd be trans.

also, perhaps changing the language you think abt yourself with may help you rule out whats going on? instead of seeing things in a v binary girl things vs boy things way? its hard bc like. gender based society but trying to not see dressing a certain way as being feminine/dressing like a girl and certain pronouns being like. boy/masculine pronouns can really help! if you mean you dont want to bind or you like dresses, then you can do those things in a masc or fem or any way u want - its YOU doing it. if you want those things to be girl things bc it helps, then theyre girl things! if seeing them as boy things helps, then they're boy things!

im sorry if i... didnt really answer your question or help ultimately but i just remember how much wanting definite answers didn't really help me at the time so i dont want to say like. oh youre nonbinary! oh youre genderfluid! oh youre a demigirl! oh youre a he/him girl! being trans is so different for everyone n thats ultimately why you may be struggling to find specific answers.

honestly? id keep doing what youre doing and trying different gender affirming things like you are. something will click as you do and youll come to realizations that, in that space, will help you a lot. perhaps itll be something that changes but it will click eventually.

i literally felt like i was transphobic towards trans men for having he/him in my pronouns for YEARS bc i wasnt Being Male Enough to earn them. but i no longer see myself as needing to be masc to prove i deserve to be called a he. to me, thats as genderless as they/them. shits weird n personal n a bit cringe.

nothings wrong w you for not having things figured out either. you will. i promise.

#also like generally if my art has been helping u i recommend either going thru my trans hc/trans hcs tag #or going backwards thru my art tag bc i very much used my art to figure my gender shit out n it helped immensely #i also encourage anyone who may have something to say to reply or dm bc this is just my perspective as like #someone whos gender REALLY is based off who theyre dating lol. being bisexual is v much a gender for me

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theroundbartable · 1 year

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Hi! I hope you're doing well! I've been wanting to write to you for ages because I've been reading and rereading and rerereading you and I think your writing is brilliant. Sorry, I'm going to be a bit personal because I can't imagine not being personal here, I find it difficult to express how much your writing touched me otherwise. But you can jump into the last paragraph directly if you don't want to interact with that, because awkard. Very randomly, I came across your work in a very strange time in my life earlier this year when my brain decided to echo something I didn't know was there, but that's not what's important here. What I want to say is: everything you wrote resonated that much deeper. I'm thinking especially about Everything I Do and The Regent (experience is experience and everyone is different and I don't want to make it about me, but thanks to those two fics especially I've been able to put into words things I've been feeling for years and I could use that to describe what was happening without feeling as lost, like if it exists in a story, it's not just me anymore, there is a sense to it, it's real too). BUT also, as someone who appreciates good writing, oh my god it's brilliant. Both the Regent and Everything I Do (still the ones I read the most) felt like a maze and everyting still made sense and all the characters were brilliant and fitted together and each time a revelation happened it was like "oh of course!" and everything falls into place. As I reread them I just find new details and puzzle pieces and it's a joy. I feel you make it so easy to understand what your characters are feeling and why they do what they do without overexplaining, excusing or killing the mystery. It's that extremely human mess, people not yet able to know why they do what they do, that is so difficult to write, I find. Like how things just happen but it makes sense if you think about it but also it doesn't have to as long as you trust it makes sense to the character, and I definitely trust your characters. So yeah. Thank you. Danke. I don't really ever post or anything, I'm just here to read but it felt selfish here not to say anything. I hope you have a lovely evening!

Don't be sorry, gosh this warms my heart, you have no idea. :)

Everything I do and Regent are both stories that are deeply personal to me. They both helped me get through some things and explain things to myself. So a part of that mess is literally me, being that mess myself and figuring stuff out. And I wrote them because I hoped to reach some people who struggle with similar things.

I just... Every time I post something, it is my wish that it makes someone laugh, makes someone think or feel. And I hope to help people understand. Either themselves or perhaps some other broader concept. It's rarely the stories I hold dear most that seem to reach that goal. It gives me purpose in a way.

To see that those two, the ones that I may as well have ripped right from my soul, reach you in this way moves me immensely. i really hope you're alright. I know the echo. It can be tough. (The analogy is spot on, not gonna lie.)

You're not selfish, no matter whether or not you had told me this. Thank you that you did. It means so much to me to know this.<3

#faq #answer #ask #thank you so much for this #it really does mean a lot

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tomorrowillbeyou · 2 years

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10 14 37 48 52 55 for math ask game

HII OMG THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!!

10. do you have any least favourite theorems?

ok for some reason i can't STAND the triangle inequality. every time i see it im like NOT THIS GUY AGAIN and i literally have no reason to feel that way its so irrational but i hate her so much 💔 im sorry triangle inequality

14. do you think you're good at math? do you expect more from yourself?

hmm that's a . tricky one to answer. i think ive always been a little hard on myself because one of my best friends growing up was literally the smartest like as in international olympiad competitor style LOL so i felt inadequate in comparison but at the same time i never felt like i would never be able to do something, i feel like i know deep down very strongly that if i work hard enough i can eventually understand something i don't yet. in terms of creativity and problem solving and stuff like that i do kind of expect a lot more from myself though but like.. i think that will grow over time fingers crossed . also im mega autistic so the whole being rigorous thing is like literally what i already had to do in my regular life or i would get scared of being misunderstood haha. king of overexplaining. anyway this became too long.

37. have you ever used math in a novel and entertaining way?

ough i am a little confused what this is asking. but in many different ways yeah . at school we used to do stupid shit like calculating the number of dots on my blazer or making up ridiculous maths pick up lines or trying to come up with the weirdest proofs or create the fastest growing function stuff like that. ive also helped run kids maths challenges where you kind of have to do that kind of thing . i think i just have a very silly and nonserjous approach to the whole idea of maths like the whole point for me is to have fun with it and mess around so Yea. idk if that's what the question means though

48. has math changed you?

that's another difficult one to answer bc i feel like it's always been really ingrained in my life so it's definitely shaped me as a person for my whole life and i can't imagine the person id be without it but like .. there wasn't really a time before i liked it and then i started liking it and became a different person iykwim. i guess when i became burnt out at the beginning of this year that changed me by making me feel incredibly depressed and lose my sense of identity entirely ahamfhkjrd but were good now!!

52. do you have favourite math textbooks? if so, what are they?

I CANT LIE A TEXTBOOK IS JUST A TEXTBOOK TO ME.. if it gets the job done and isn't super obscure and confusing im chilling 👍👍👍there are probably some really good ones out there but all the ones ive encountered have just kinda been textbooks tbh

55. where is your most favourite place to do math?

welll i guess my favourite place to do most things is in my bedroom at my desk bc that's where i feel most comfortable and private anskdjdk but sometimes if i take a bus while im really struggling with something it helps me get my ideas in order i guess it's the change of scenery or something... on the other hand least favourite i could go on for hours literally anywhere where i have to be around people without headphones in ..my misophonia swag... OH ALSO i like under the stairs in one of the lecture theatres here bc nobody ever goes there and i can blast thursday through my headphones and dance while working on problems sjdksjf but i only go there if i don't have time to go home in between things

#ask #THIS GOT SO LONG AJDKEJFKR I HAVE A LOT TO SAY SOMETIMES 💔

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sanguine-tenshi · 3 years

Text

I just finished Inazuma and I have words

TL;DR: Hate the story, mixed on characters, love the design and tired of being treated like a 4-year-old with a learning disability.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Let’s start with what I like.

Inazuma is absolutely beautiful. I’ll admit Inazuma hits a lot of aesthetic points for me. All the islands are different enough to feel unique but they still look like they are a part of the same land. There are a lot of secrets to discover through just exploring. Each island has a world quest to help it (make it less hostile towards you) so it very much feels like you are saving Inazuma from itself.

The puzzles are alright.

I like the cubes that rotate, I always put in the effort to figure them out properly.

Hate the ones that don’t rotate, they just aren’t engaging enough for me, so I just hit them at random and hope for the best.

The glowing floor tiles were fun, once you actually realized what they wanted you to do. A little bit too easy if I’m honest.

The electro compass isn’t really much of a puzzle, more of a fetch the nearest electrograna quest.

Those little pillars that require an electro connection are kinda boring to me, again not much of a puzzle, the hardest part is finding both pillars.

I love the new electro seelie, kinda hard to follow the jittery thing in certain parts but they make a nice contrast to the regular seelies.

I’m very much mixed on characters.

Yoimiya is adorable. She is so bright and bubbly. What little game play we had with her was fun and I love her over the top style of fighting. Kinda disappointed she’s another pyro archer but I do admit it fits her character well. It was also wonderful seeing her just settle down and be quiet, just be a part of that moment that obviously meant a lot to her. It’s always nice to see that bubbly, energetic character have that one quiet thing, ya know. Kinda funny it’s fireworks, of all things, for her.

Gorou I like, from what little we’ve seen of him. My man killed a dude with his thighs so I’m down. I do find it kinda ridiculous that a resistance general has his whole damn belly exposed. There is also something about his voice that just does not fit. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on what exactly it is. Could be the tone itself, could be just voice acting. It sort of feels like the VA is trying to sound deeper than he actually does.

Sangonomiya Kokomi, mixed. I like her design, she looks like some sort of mystical priestess. Again something about the voice is jarring. I expected her to sound sort of airy, like she isn’t 100% present, like she’s seeing something we can’t. TBH she reminds me of Luna from HP for some reason.

Yae Miko, I was interested because of her design. She sounds very arrogant and up her own ass, which would have been fine...if she hadn’t given us that god-awful line. “...I have high hopes for you, child. Don’t disappoint me.” Dear lord I wanted to punt her off the mountain. Or fucking what! Also she’s some bigshot priestess of the Sacred Sakura and yet she can’t do her damn job properly. Why couldn’t her arrogant ass come down from her high perch and cleanse the stupid roots? Why did the traveler have to do that shit?

Baal looks dead inside. Booba sword is overrated, get a life. I want a remach! And no cutscene shenanigans this time!

Kujou Sara seems like one of those ‘honor above all else’ characters. Those are either hit or miss with me. You have my attention for now. Also what are those shoes woman?! I’d rather you wear those leg-killing, needle point stilettoes instead of those Wish gag shoes. How in the name of all that is holy can you run in those?!

Thoma, I like him. At first I thought we were gonna get another Childe incident, but Thoma is too much of a innocent puppy to pull anything that horrible. To me he fits a fox a lot better than Childe does. Childe is a dingo and I stand behind that.

Kamisato Ayaka...hate her. At first I was neutral on her. Nothing about her design really spoke to me, but I was willing to wait and see. But then miHoYo started to violently push her friendship at us. We are totally friends now, this is the first time you see my face, but we are so totally friends now. And during her story quest everyone was like “Ah, you are so good Ayaka. You are so nice Ayaka. You are so perfect Ayaka. We all love you so much Ayaka. And oh, how could a mere merchant like myself...” Ew, go away. This is the first time I’m actively not pulling on a character banner. Normally I pull even if I’m not particularly interested in a character, because you never know how good their gameplay is until you take them out in the map. But I think I’ll be skipping this one. No thanks.

And now, the worst part, the story.

We’ve been hearing about the situation in Inazuma for a long time. There has been also a lot of talk about how hard it is to get there. About the wall of thunderclouds that surround the islands. So to have it cut to black and then voila Inazuma, feel just so cheap.

I was expecting something. An animation. A struggle. A quest. A minigame. At least show us the horrible weather! Something! Anything!

Hell if they wanted to be assholes about it they could have made it so that if the player fails at this point the ship is damaged, you return to Liyue and have to wait until tomorrow for the ship to be repaired. No Inazuma for today. That sure as hell would have raised the stakes.

The next complaint I have is with Yurika, the 2 milion mora processing fee girl. Later on Thoma mentions that the agency people see the fees as easy money, so her attitude doesn’t make much sense. After all someone like her would want to extract as much money as she can, but you still want the people to be able to pay that.

So it would make more sense to me if she was overly friendly and asked way too many questions. She’d need to get a much information as she can and after all the previous hostility people would be very open with her. So she’d be able to quickly find out why someone is here, what they are selling and roughly how much money they’d be able to pay. A merchant selling expensive silk would have more many than a regular ore merchant. So she’d be able to extract as much money as she could.

“I know this is a lot of money, especially for something so simple, but there is nothing I can do about it. I’m so very sorry.” And people wouldn’t say anything bad to her because she’s the first friendly face they see in Inazuma.

The stealth mission was just god-awful and I hope we never have to do that nonsense again.

Getting off of Ritou was a bit janky at the end, Chisato should have had a better reason for coming along. But I’m honestly just glad we didn’t get out the usual way...getting stuffed in a crate and smuggled out.

As a side note, I’m getting really tired of characters overexplaining things to me, especially Paimon. Dear lord, not everything has to be said, you can leave me to come to my own conclusions and solutions. Just please, who cares if a few player struggle for a bit, you don’t have to hold my hand through the whole thing.

Ayaka’s three were...ugh. It was basic emotional manipulation. Oh no this guy forgot about the love of his life and he’s been waiting for decades. And oh how sad this guy was so good and he helped these people so much but now he can’t remember. And oh the tragedy this guy forgot his life goal and is now hunted by the demons of the past. Oh the humanity!

And it did not work. Know why? Because I have no emotional investment in any of these people, in this land. What is happening to the vision bearers in Inazuma is tragic, true, but that doesn’t make me want to overthrow the government. I don’t live here. I just got here. I wanna ask a question or two and then move on. None of this concerns me.

I was so happy when the traveler just flat out refused to start a revolution. And then we had to go and meet some people and immediately I knew this was going to be some oh noes the tragedy moments and then we would agree to help them.

It’s so forced.

Wanna know what would have been better?

Just as we are leaving the Kamisato estate Thoma catches up with us. And he tells us he gets it. We are an outsider and this doesn’t concern us. He was hopeful but he expected the denial. We shouldn’t hold it against Ayaka.

He joins us as a guide because he knows of the people we have to meet.

And so as we help these three we also get to know Thoma. We find out he was an outsider too. He got in just before the worst of it started and then he was stuck in Inazuma. He lost someone to the Vision Hunt. They slowly lost their mind after loosing their vision, their ambition too closely tied to their personality to continue without it (what is happening to Domon hits a little too close to home and he has to walk away, this is where we hear the story of the one he lost). And the same would have happened to him if the Kamisatos hadn't taken him in. He owes them his vision, his sanity and his life.

So this rebellion is personal for him.

At the end of the three wishes the atmosphere is somber. We tell him we understand why Ayaka fights, why he fights. We know that this is all wrong, that it should be stopped...but not by us. We came here to get a lead on our brother. And rebellion isn’t an overnight affaire and we can’t loose so much time in Inazuma.

And yeah, he expected as much. He just asks that we let Ayaka down gently. It’d be a shame if someone as idealistic and hopeful as her lost their spark.

And so we are gentle but firm with Ayaka. She looks like she wants to argue with us but Thoma shakes his head at her. So she sighs and tells us that a promise is a promise. We should come to the Komore Teahouse in a few days and she’ll have a plan for us to meet with the Shogun.

Now we can still have a character story quest with Yoimiya and we can still somehow get involved with helping Master Masakatsu, but it’s through Yoimiya instead of Ayaka.

And instead of a character story quest with Ayaka we have one with Thoma. Hell, give him a whole damn hangout event even.

You can probably guess why I’m pushing the friendship with Thoma so much.

Because. He. Gets. Kidnapped. For. The. 100th. Vision. Ceremony.

And that would have been the perfect emotional in to get us involved in the rebellion. After all we just saw what happens to people who have their visions taken away and we are not letting that happen to Thoma, someone we just got close to.

So Baal makes it personal for us as well.

I have a few more minor complaints.

Aoi is stupid for asking for compensation after she tells us everything we needed to know because, ya know, we could have just walked away. We should have.

The whole stupid misunderstanding about the value Kurosawa’s sword holds. Kinda obvious he meant emotional value instead of monetary.

The suspicious amount of visionless NPCs and by that I mean this is the first time we have NPCs with vision. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we’ve seen NPCs with visions in Mond and Liyue.

The whole rebellion camp bit feels incredibly rushed. We just sort of lollygag over there and then there is a fight (against Sara and her stupid shoes).

Don’t make us fight Baal just to force us to lose. It would have been better if we were forced to retreat, because Thoma was injured, because there are too many soldiers for us to handle on our own. Hell, you can have a funny scene where we straight up jump off a cliff with Thoma clinging onto us and screaming bloody murder until he realizes we are slowly gliding away and he’s not about to plummet to his death.

The Sakura cleansing quest should have been voice acted.

The Mirror Maiden and Pyro Agent are totally on a date, I will not be told otherwise.

#genshin impact #inazuma #genshin inazuma #genshin 2.0 #Thoughts #opinion #yoimiya #gorou #sangonomiya kokomi #yae miko #baal #kujou sara #thoma #kamisato ayaka

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

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Hewwo I really love your writing and I want to improve my own to a form similar to yours. If it's okay, can I ask what your writing process is or if you have any writing tips? Sorry if you already answered questions like this. I am not a native speaker by the way, can i also ask about how you built your vocabulary as well? Thank you very much in advance and I hope you're having a great day/night! Drink lots of water and don't forget to eat three meals a day.~

hello, anon! you’re actually the first to ask about something like this and i’m honored you think my writing is good enough for me to give advice on (and honored that you think it’s good enough to take inspiration from!).

i have two different writing methods, which are as follows:

long fics (10k+ words)

i write an outline and have my friends look over it to make sure that the scenes are both impactful and enjoyable, along with being organized. the most important part of writing a long story is making sure the timeline is coherent and that you have proper buildup to the climax of the story.

before i write a scene that contains foreshadowing to a future event, i write down what themes i wish to convey with this scene, along with any future information that will be relevant later in the story. this is helpful because you never write something all at once if it’s this long! you might forget important details, so having notes is always nice.

if i’m hesitant on writing a scene, i’ll talk it out with some of my friends and see if i’m still comfortable with writing it.

one of the biggest things i can recommend is being adaptable! being willing to change your story plans is crucial, because (typically) the first idea you think of isn’t always the best one. in my own experience, i change my ideas a lot as i write something. this is because i will get bored writing otherwise.

this is from my own experience, other writers may disagree, but i NEVER set word count goals for myself. i write when i want to write, otherwise i will get discouraged when i do not meet said goals.

take breaks or you will hit burnout fast!

have a glass of water and set a timer every 15 minutes to relax your eyes from your screen and drink some of it. it gives your mind a chance to soothe itself from the bright lights of a screen and also gives you a short break. and you stay hydrated!

short fics (<10k words)

when i write short fics, i typically don’t have an outline (unless if it’s a series) and i just go with my gut

if i don’t really like where a story’s going and i know it’s short, i finish it anyways because a finished product is better than giving up in my eyes? at least i know what not to do next time!

sorry a lot of these tips don’t pertain to actual writing! they relate more to planning. :( i’ve been writing stories for fun since i was 6 or 7 (i have journals upon journals of my first stories in my basement!) so most of what i do is just... gut instinct at this point? i apologize if that’s not very helpful of me to say. ;.; i don’t think of myself as very talented but like... i wish to say this in case it happens: please don’t compare your writing to mine! i’m sure your writing is lovely in its own right.

now that that’s said, here’s some stuff i can actually help with, which is under the cut because this is getting long:

word choice / vocabulary

first off, the best thing you can do for yourself is read something complex. like... the type of book where you have to pull out your phone and look up what words mean. if you’re not exposing yourself to new words, even if it is annoying to have to pause, you won’t learn new words.

this typically means ditching the fanfics and looking for actual published novels, typically older ones. i love fanfics (i write them lol), but the word choice in fanfics is typically limited to casual conversational language as they are written for fun, not necessarily to challenge the mind.

next, the best thing you can do is use a thesaurus. i personally use thesaurus.com but it’s different for everyone! but this is dangerous. using a thesaurus can be one of the worst things you can do for your writing if you don’t use it properly. you use a thesaurus to get synonyms for words that are commonly used, but may have a lot of other alternatives (i.e. happy, sad, etc.) and NOT super specific words.

ONLY use words listed as synonyms in a thesaurus if you know them and it’s safe to assume your readers likely know them as well! for example, i used the word ‘insouciant’ as a joke in my last fic. however, if i used that seriously, that probably would’ve been bad as it’s a SUPER rare word. nothing will ruin a reader’s experience faster than a story that blatantly uses too many words from a thesaurus and, worst of all, uses them improperly.

let me give an example:

starting text: “she was happy to see that he had returned safely. she could see relief in his eyes that she was safe as well. he smiled happily at her as she ran into his arms.” this is good enough, but it’s rather plain. it’s an easy read, but nothing about it is super engrossing.

good thesaurus example: “she was overjoyed to see that he had returned without harm. she identified relief in his eyes that she had stayed out of harm’s way as well. he smiled enthusiastically at her as she sprinted into his embrace.” it sounds a lot nicer before and definitely more polished, but nothing about this requires someone to whip out their phone in frustration to google a word. the point of typical writing is not to challenge your reader’s intelligence but to entertain them.

bad thesaurus example: “she was jocular to perceive that he had reappeared in an unharmed manner. she prognosticated solace in his blue orbs that she was guarded as well. he smiled jovially at her as she charged into his forelimbs.” this is a bit of an exaggerated example, but this is actually how i feel some authors tend to write. it’s very blatantly using a thesaurus, it uses words incorrectly, and it overcomplicated things to where it feels like the reader has to do a mental exercise to read it.

tl;dr for this section: if you don’t know a word, do not use it. if you are familiar with a word, it’s probably good to use as long as your writing still seems natural. thesauruses are your friend but can be your enemy.

i would like to clarify that i am a native speaker and it’s not necessary to read books forever in order to keep your grammar and word choice up to date. i have not picked up an actual published book within the last 4 years (don’t laugh at me i know this is bad). however, in learning to expand your grammar, reading books is essential.

some miscellaneous writing tips i have include:

you don’t have to take every request that comes within your inbox if you do decide to do tumblr writing. i probably, much to the behest of the people that submit, throw a good chunk of my requests out. write what you’re passionate about and your writing will improve and your followers will be happier.

if someone criticizes your writing, this does not mean they’re trying to criticize you (usually. don’t go on twitter if you want this to remain true). they are providing something most people don’t want to offer: advice. many times you will find yourself surrounded by people who will applaud you for writing nearly anything. this is not good. living in an echo chamber will ensure that your writing never improves. you want to ask people for advice and find those who will give you genuine advice, even if it may hurt to hear.

try to discern what authors you like do with their writing versus authors you don’t like. consciously making these comparisons will allow you to directly apply them to your own writing and help you emulate someone’s style as well.

please don’t write meme references into your work. it will get outdated fast. try to write something you can look back on within a few years and not cringe at. :) this is just my personal opinion lol, someone might disagree.

i do not proofread my writing. it makes me second guess everything. everything on my blog, as you see it, lacks proofreading, aside from inheritance, in which i had a beta reader glance over it. for beginner writers, this is probably shit advice if you’re not used to grammar BUT that’s just how i roll and i wished to share that.

the most important thing i do for my writing is have a good music playlist in the background. NOTHING will make you write better than listening to music that fits the mood of what you’re writing. find a premade youtube playlist or slap together a spotify playlist of songs you think fit the mood and get grooving to it. you’ll find that you’ll write better and you’ll enjoy the process of writing much more with the mental stimulus.

don’t write jokes in which you have to overexplain them. if you have to explain to the reader what the joke is, it won’t be funny. humor is difficult to write, but no jokes involved are better than a bunch of failed ones.

don’t worry about pinpointing fanfic characterization of a specific character perfectly. i get praises for my characterization of diluc and kaeya within inheritance a lot, even though i specifically altered them from canon (??????? this confuses me a lot that i get praised for this but anyways) and haven’t even read the webtoon. as long as it’s within reasonable expectation, you should be fine. zhongli shouldn’t be written as going off the walls crazy with excitement just like venti shouldn’t be written as super serious about frivolous matters. as long as you get the general gist of a character, people will enjoy it.

try to find some writer friends. they don’t necessarily have to be in the fandom, but being able to shoot off ideas with other people is amazing at improving both your plot and your writing overall. (shoutout to @shannara because for as much as i annoy him, he’s always willing to listen to me blab about any story and any idea, even though he doesn’t read reader-inserts nor should he care about my dumb OCs, but he cares about mine because he’s a cool dude)

don’t get discouraged if a fic doesn’t get good reception. in fact, it’s probably better if your first few fics don’t blow up in popularity if you do post them because it’s humbling and you can decide if you’re actually writing because you enjoy it or if you’re just doing it for clout.

i hope this made sense and if you (or any other people reading this!) need any more writing advice, my ask box and DMs are always open. if you ever want me to beta read something, please send a DM and i’ll see if i can as long as it’s like... not super long and i have spare time.

sorry this turned out to be so long but it turns out i had far more to say than i thought! good luck writing and i believe in you!

#long post #mail #advice #i hope this helped? i'm not very good at this sort of thing.#Anonymous

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makeste · 4 years

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crust went out like a proper hero; dying so someone else didn't, standing his ground knowing it was gonna get him killed, and trying to reassure someone with his very last act

not unlike how I could see All Might going out. ahhhh but no we’re not gonna think about that. fuck. lol but yeah, if he had to go he went out like a badass.

this is probably the same person lol. sorry I couldn’t answer this more quickly. anyways, this might be true, but on the other hand Ujiko seems to be well-versed in the art of duplicating quirks, so I feel like it’s 50/50 that he figured out some way to do it from the person’s DNA. because there’s only so much genetic material you can extract from a corpse, and all of the High Ends had that one regenerating quirk, just for example. anyway the good news is that Horikoshi overexplains everything so if this is indeed the reason why the bullets haven’t made a reappearance, I’m sure he will get around to telling us the whole story in good time.

listen, something like 90% of all the BnHA fics that I have ever read, thought about writing, or played out in my head while falling asleep have involved the characters getting therapy in some way lol. I’m here for it. I wouldn’t just read that arc, I would print it out and frame it on my wall. unfortunately though, canon U.A. seems to take more of a “what’s therapy?? ah well, back to idly standing by while these children try to light each other on fire” approach. but I’m sure they’re doing their best.

lmao. two completely different takes. honestly I’ve pondered this before myself. 21 just doesn’t divide evenly into team exercises! they’d either have to constantly do three large teams of 7, or 7 teams of 3, or else just always give one team an advantage (or disadvantage) like with the joint training battles (and even then, it was still pretty even because both classes got a turn with Shinsou). so what’s a hero academy with no spare time to draw up new lesson plans to do??

buuuuut, this doesn’t necessarily mean someone has to die though! that’s why god invented slow-burn traitor plots. :D ...and also honestly this might not be a concern that’s exactly at the forefront of everyone’s minds right now though on account of we don’t even know if we’re gonna make it to the next school year.

speaking of!

oh my god yes. BEST JEANIST DIED FOR THIS!! I still can’t quite get over it. these guys really decided the best way to split up was “thirty people fight these useless dollar store Noumus in the hospital lobby while ONE (1) PERSON FIGHTS THE SIX HIGH-ENDS IN THE BASEMENT, WHERE UJIKO, OUR PRIMARY TARGET, RAN OFF TO, AND WHERE TOMURA, OUR OTHER PRIMARY TARGET, ALSO IS.” yes that makes perfect sense. and imagine if the one person hadn’t been Miruko, First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Queen of the Andals, and Mother of Dragons. we wouldn’t even fucking have a story anymore because he’d be at 100% instead of 75% and everything would just be fucking gone already.

in conclusion Hawks probably has grounds to sue these people, I would say. oh yeah, and Shinsou. he should just sue life in general.

#bnha 272 #shinsou hitoshi #crust (bnha)#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

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lavenderek · 3 years

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ok so i just have another peeve i’m gonna share

so racism is systemic. we all know this and have heard it, but i get the sense that a lot of people don’t know what that means, exactly.

let’s take blackface as an example. blackface is not offensive because it makes black people feel marginalized. blackface is offensive because it is designed to dehumanize and further disenfranchise black people, in society. does that make sense?

minstrel shows served many purposes in their heyday - they exemplified societal views of black people, they removed black people from entertainment as an industry, they created and purveyed very real stereotypes; and those stereotypes acted as reasons to take jobs, rights, voices, and safety from black people by convincing those in power that they did not want or deserve these things, or had no use for them. for this reason, they weren’t just insulting, they were actively dangerous. and many of those stereotypes exist to this day and still have the same effects.

it’s built in to society. that’s what systemic means: it is part of a system.

(not to be confused with systematic, which means it is done with very specific patterns and goals in mind, like trump and the press. they often overlap, but there is a difference.)

that’s why blackface is still bad even if some people - even if some black people - are not personally offended by it. it is not because people are upset by it, it’s because of its historical context and because of the effect it actively has on society in a very real way now.

the reason i’m thinking of this right now is because of youtube apology videos lmao.

when it comes to apologies by youtubers for racism, a lot of them are bewildered and frustrated to discover that their apologies are considered insufficient. they really get into these videos, getting upset, appealing to viewers’ pathos, “i’m so sorry that i made anyone feel xyz” - and i’m sure plenty of them are in earnest. i’m sure a lot of them really are truly regretful. and it must be mind-boggling to be told this isn’t enough. it must feel absolutely hopeless. let me help shed some light on that.

the reason their apologies are considered insufficient is because their rhetoric betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of the effects of their actions. the problem isn’t that you made your followers feel “less than.” the problem with blackface isn’t that it made black people feel “less than.” it’s not even that you contributed to normalizing this kind of behavior - although that is certainly a problem that you should be addressing.

like, this is why comedians have that shit about punching up instead of punching down: we live, now, in 2020, in a society that actively engages in anti-black racism and disenfranchisement; and when you, as a person in a place of societal power - that’s what “privilege” means, by the way, it means you possess some form of societal power or safety - join in that, you are part of the problem.

you haven’t created a problem by hurting some people, you have increased a problem that already existed.

it’s not about intentions or feelings. it does make a lot of people feel better to know you aren’t intentionally creating racist content out of hatred, but that’s not the point.

like i said, the reason i’m thinking about this right now is because of youtubers apologizing, but i see it everywhere. even from well-meaning allies who otherwise work very hard to contribute to the BLM movement and give voices to other black users online. they make it about making people feel marginalized. they get shit like historical context, but they still seem to believe it’s about feelings.

they’re still like, “we should listen to disabled people about disability issues. disabled people feel dismissed.” like, yeah, i bet they fuckin’ do, i see them talk about it a lot; but that’s not the problem. they feel dismissed while they’re talking about real instances of being denied access, and there are systems in place that actively contribute to the denial of that access, and there is a history of denying that access, that can’t be removed from the situation.

the person in the wheelchair is offended because they can’t get into the bank because there isn’t a wheelchair ramp for them to use, sure. but the guy who built the bank being like, “i’m so sorry you couldn’t pick up your cashier’s check” is absolutely pointless.

not putting a ramp there isn’t a problem because that guy can’t get into the wells fargo. not putting a ramp there is a problem because people are denied access to almost every facet of life. this is because society was designed this way: sometimes with the direct intention of keeping them out of the bank, and sometimes without even thinking of them as humans who go to the bank. and we are all enabled or encouraged to not think about them, so we’re always doing shit like parking too far over a crosswalk, or setting up greeting card displays in the middle of the grocery store aisle so that it’s not wide enough for a person in a wheelchair to get through, or making it a total pain just to use one of those motorized things for shopping. all of this belittles them as members of society, which makes them unable to participate in society, which effectively removes them from it. and then society acts as if they brought this on themselves (”have you tried yoga?”). there is a pattern of systemic denial of rights and access taking place here. it’s not about pissing people off, it’s about the system.

look, i’m not perfect, this isn’t a lecture. i was raised with many instances of privilege myself. i still benefit from that privilege today. i just work very hard to acknowledge that privilege and hopefully leverage it in favor of causes like BLM and shit; and part of that is understanding the root issues.

i worry i’m not making myself clear so i overexplain. anyway bye

#diary post #long post

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shroudedhero · 4 years

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Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules (the updated ones)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me. NOTE: THERE IS A PASSWORD FOR THIS BLOG DUE TO SEVERAL PAST BAD EXPERIENCES WITH UNTAGGED TRIGGERS (and it is the ONLY reason I have a password. I won’t throw a fit if you don’t send it, but I do usually feel more comfortable if you do).

Also another small, but extremely important note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I’ve been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

If you followed me over here when I moved Kurai’s BNHA verse to this blog, I removed and edited a couple of rules so please read through them again.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself (I am COMPLETELY fine with blood and general dark and gorey things). Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, parasyte, tokyo ghoul, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies. Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am open to RPing smut, (either aged up, or not, since whether we like it or not, teenagers do indeed end up doing it), however it likely will not happen much since this muse is underage, and will only happen if both myself and the other mun are okay with it and have agreed to it. (Again, chances are slim.) I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muse will be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, and other dark topics (I absolutely LOVE angst), however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18. Everything though that might be triggering, will be tagged, and if there is something that you need me to tag, or if I forget to tag something, please feel free to tell me. Just try to do so right away or else I can forget which RPs or replies to tag depending how long it goes since I posted it. My memory is pretty fickle with what it chooses to remember without some nudging.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing (not consistently anyway). I used to try to do it every single time (if I notice it), though now, I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don’t notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

- I am in fact OC supportive! Though when it comes to RPing with them, I can be extremely picky, and cautious. This has nothing to do with whether your OC is great or well developed or not. My brain annoyingly happens to have trouble connecting to a lot of characters, both OC and canon, but it just seems to be more common with other people’s OCs. HOWEVER, just because I might not RP with your OC, doesn’t mean I won’t secretly stalk them from the dash and read your interactions because I think they’re amazing.

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well. (This can also apply to canon characters as well, so it is not simply limited to OCs).

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with.

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why:

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a fandomless OC myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though!

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Canonically (or noncanon since this is an OC as well) unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of the bad version of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important reminder: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you (it has happened before that someone who didn’t send it in and came across friendly bit my head off when I asked them to tag something), and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

#Mobile friendly info #mobile friendly #Rules

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years

Note

this is an outta nowhere question but what are your thoughts on Joker in Smash about a year since he was added? I've heard some folks say the reason the Persona fandom got so toxic is bc Smash got involved and I wanted to know what you thought since you've been in it way longer than P5 and Joker in Smash

Short answer: Yes AND No.

Long answer (it’s me of course it’s gonna be under the cut due to length 8U):

I’mma be honest, there’s always toxic fans. I know Smash Fans (and Nintendo fans in general) haven’t exactly been peaches, esp when it comes to Twitter (which I think is also an issue atm). But there were toxic fans before than and there’ll be toxic fans later. It’s just life tbh. (dunno where to put this but I’ll put it here: Twitter nowadays is like 2012-2015ish Tumblr, different being Tumblr was a bit more hiveminded and if you disagreed with a popular fandom opinion you.....were kinda bullied let’s be honest so no one could really say their opinions. While Twitter now it’s not a hivemind but instead two sided extremist that you need to choose. Both toxic and similar but just a taaaaad bit different, I’d probs take the two extremist sides over the hivemind if I had to chose tho...even tho Tumblr had better content during that era than Twitter right now imo but that’s in general and not Persona only. 8U Tumblr’s REALLY calmed down since the porn ban I’m not gonna lie, and ironically that’s roughly around the time that Twitter started getting shitty. So like....kinda saying there’s a correlation, I think a lot of toxic tumblr people probably migrated to twitter, and while there’s toxic fans everywhere it feels like a lot gather on Twitter so it really highlights the fandom there sadly).

From my experience (which is from P4 PS2 era onward, I missed the pre-P4 P3 PS2 era stuff but apparently there were waifu wars which from what I’ve found I probs would’ve just classified as “shipping war” stuff rather than waifu wars....and it seemed liked standard shipping war stuff from back then), the bigger a fandom grows the more fans it obviously attracts, but that also means more toxic fans too. And that’s why I say yes and no for the smash community, yes because they did attract more fans (and their community seems to be a bit toxic atm, like I get expressing your wants to a company and I support that! but the INSTANT you don’t get a specific character announced for the fighter pass and instead of just being like “oh golly darn :(” but instead “***** this place ***** Nintendo you all suck ****** *slur* *slur*” yeah no that’s a little....you gotta take a step back buddy, so yeah I’m sure there’s a bit more toxic fans in that fandom atm but they are also a BIG ASS FANDOM so I’m not surprised), but it’s also just the cause and effect of the fandom getting bigger in general.

It happened when P4 got it’s anime (btw anime fans ya still valid and are a Persona fan, just keep in mind if you wanna talk lore just know you did watch a very abridged version of the game so be aware you might have somethings wrong cause of that.....cause I’ve seen it happen.....DX btw let’s play watchers are also real Persona fans and I’d say even people who just like Joker in Smash are at least Joker fans and that’s ok too enough gate keeping guys DX), it happened when we started getting spinoffs, kinda with the P3 movies (only really cause FeMC fans were salty or P3 fans upset what was cut/changed, but it wasn’t on any toxic level tbh just normal complaints, I think the fact it was a movie instead of an anime bypassed newer fans than with P4/5 animes), it happened when P5 solidified it into the mainstream gaming market (I’ll stand by P4 helped break Persona into it via all the other avenues of mainstream, with P5 finally latching the main series into mainstream games.....I say mainstream cause spinoffs are looking the same as pre mainstream which.....>.> *shrugs* could be better imo), it happened with P5′s anime, and it happened with Smash Bros. And tbh I’m sure it happened or will happen with the Steam community (and Switch/Xbox if it ever goes there too) and P4G (P4 fans go through the same cycle of BS constantly, most of which I believe originated with the anime generation, that it’s hard to tell if there was an uptick or not). And it’ll probs get an uptick again with P6, and then P6′s anime. And maybe manga cause maybe P6 fans like the P5 fans and won’t listen when people say “don’t get attached to the manga name it’s probs not gonna be used so hold off till the anime” but hey let’s have drama for no reason cause we need it. 8U (obvie you can still like the manga name, it’s more for people complaining about name changes or not getting why Atlus just didn’t keep the manga name even tho an explanation is probs within arm’s reach and they were warned beforehand)

*sighs* Sorry back on topic, each time the fandom grows so will toxic fans. Tbh I feel like the phrase “toxic fans” are thrown around a lot. And it’s esp used for only....”haters” it feels like and I don’t think that’s right (cause it can be fans too), it just feels like ANY negativity (even constructive and kept reigned in by certain users) is viewed as that. Like take me, I’m sure I’m probs labeled as a “toxic fan” due to be being a Megaten/Persona fan but disliking P5 and talking shit/calling it out. But I try my damnedest to do that in the appropriate places (ie my personal blog, maybe a confessions place, or a thread/board that’s expressing negatives only OR it’s explaining/expressing pros and cons type of stuff, I find that to be the best because it keeps people who want to vent away from people who want to gush so no war happens, not saying I am perfect or you HAVE to follow this or you are toxic, it’s what I decided to ascribe to and find it works well and good enough and it gives me a better fandom experience). Aka, I don’t go on twitter to someone’s fanart of Yukari or Makoto and trash the character because I’m not a freaking asshole (or in this case a ~toxic fan~). But this also applies to the “fans” as well who will talk about something they like (character/game) but the ONLY way they can raise it up is by tearing down something else (other character/game), it’s really rude and also toxic as well. Negativity is not inherently bad all the time, and Positivity is not inherently good all the time (with positivity it’s more of giving yourself a break from it rather than saying something positive can be bad at times, tho I’m sure there are times that-that has happened but it’s 2:30 am and I don’t want to think of an example for that). It’s how it’s used/expressed. I see the Twitter community trying to combat the “negativity” by trying to only spread “positivity” and I’m afraid 1) any negative expression, even constructive, will be scorned (I guess I’m afraid of us going back to a hivemind mentality again), but most importantly 2) the people trying to head it are going to be burned out and it’ll hurt them mentally (I do not want it to happen obvie, but I know personally it can wear you down which is why I’m concerned). Don’t get me wrong I love what they are doing/trying to do, but I think we’re generalizing the word “negativity” and “positivity” a bit too much and it’s just raising a few red flags for me (I’m just hoping I’m being paranoid/overanalyzing in this case).

Uhhh there was one last thing I wanted to address.....Oh yeah gate keeping. I know you asked about Smash but this stuff is kinda related and hey think of it as a history lesson for the Persona fandom (or at least Nusona cause I didn’t have a game system in the 90s ;_; plus wee little me wouldn’t have been able to find P1/2 fandoms back then due to me not really using the internet like I do nowadays till around P3 was probs released). Plus you know how long winded I am so this is kinda what you sign up for, 3 am ramblings of overexplaining~! But gdi I will try to cover all the bases and get my point across in....some fashion. 8U

But yeah, Gatekeeping in relation to the Smash fans, cause I see Persona fans shit on new fans that got into Persona through Smash (I know above I said Joker fans are valid Joker fans rather than Persona fans, but I’m assuming they’ve yet to play/watch Persona and are just aware of Joker and are a fan of him vs the fans who saw Joker and then watch/played the games to get into the fandom. One set is a fan of a character vs the other set got into a franchise because of said character. Like I wouldn’t say I’m a FE fan cause I liked Marth/Roy in SSBM, which is why I have that distinction myself BUT if you wanna call yourself a Persona fan that’s valid, you’re valid, it’s whatever, I don’t really care about the details that much, I just have two categories for convenience). Anyway I don’t think it’s fair to shit on them. Same as I don’t think it’s fair to shit on anime only or manga only fans. Or if they got into the fandom through Nusona (Oldsona is P1/2, Nusona is P3-5 atm). Or Oldsona. Or another Megaten game.

Maybe it’s cause I came from P4, where it got shit on cause it wasn’t (”dark”) like P3, it wasn’t (”dark”) like Oldsona, it wasn’t “dark” like other Megaten games, it got shit on every way to Sunday for daring to try to have a more lightened mood at times (3 murders happen, we see 3 dead bodies, a 6 yo dies onscreen, we have characters going through intense existential crises, we deal with characters mourning through death as well as other relatable struggles, basically shows our teammates die one by one in the final boss, having a chance to hear Naoto’s death scream on the phone if you don’t stop Adachi, just the “you didn’t save the person” phone calls in general, talks about society’s toxic gender roles and how it can negatively effect a person both to an extreme extent and minor, god forbid they eat an animal cracker to lighten the mood, and this isn’t counting the dark shit that happens in the spinoffs). As if P1/2/3 don’t have comedy, or any other Megaten game, all the demons are freaking weird of course there is comedy. Oh and it also got shit on for going mainstream first, and not even counting that it got shit on for spinoffs (which P3 was included but no P3 gets a pass for some reason), and the fact that it was shit on for not being P5 (before and a little while after P5 came out) because it wasn’t “dark” like P5 (fdksjafajkfljafj P5 has it’s moments, esp with Shiho, tho P4D did it first and went through with it, but seriously each game has it’s own light and dark moments and one isn’t better than the other only cause they have more of one than the other). And....*sigh* let’s just say thank god that I was able to buy other Megaten games right before the flood gates of shit came in, cause I dunno if I would’ve wanted to give it a chance if I had to hear my fav game shit on constantly. I say I dunno cause tbh I was craving more after P4 so badly I still would’ve probs gotten into it regardless of the fandom, I wanted more from the franchise even if it wasn’t 100% like P4.

But tbh I don’t blame P5 fans, anime fans, or Smash fans for maybe not wanting to get into the rest of the series. I get old fans of whatever feeling like they are...I dunno being invaded? By new people in the fandom. Or their afraid of new fans not fully understanding the franchise (hey guys that’s where you teach people instead of try to passive aggressively try to get them to leave the fandom I dunno maybe make posts to educate instead of trying to push away??? 030). And change is hard and yeah. And maybe you don’t like the new game (keep in mind there’s a diff between saying “*insert* Sux” and “I don’t like *insert* because...” one’s shitting on something and the other is constructive), but hey shitting on the game they like is probs not gonna win them over to your fav game sflkdjafkjafja Educate and be helpful, don’t gatekeep and drive people away. That’s a sure fire way for us to lose this franchise (remember we almost lost Atlus all together, but it was able to get a 2nd life thanks to P4 saving it....tbh probably wouldn’t have ever gotten P5 nor SMTV nor any spinoffs if not for P4′s success with its game and anime, this is both a history lesson and a word of warning since it already almost happened once).

Tldr; Smash didn’t help but it’s really just the fact the fandom got bigger and bigger fandom means we also end up getting more toxic fans mixed in. Twitter now is basically 2012-2015!Tumblr (diff is Tumblr’s was a hivemind vs Twitter’s now extremist two sides only thing), and Tumblr’s porn ban probably migrated a lot of their toxic fans to Twitter which probs hasn’t helped any fandoms on there. Negativity in general isn’t an issue, it’s if you’re being an outright asshole where it’s an issue. Don’t be an asshole in general, if you need to vent then vent where you need to, if you wanna gush then gush were you need to and without bringing anyone/anything down obvie. You are a Persona fan, regardless of where/how you started. Don’t gatekeep for the love of god, or so help me Jack Frost will sneak into your house and smack you in the face with a snowball (and if he doesn’t then I will.....jk...half jk 8U). Also *sprinkles of (allusions to? I dunno I tried it’s 3 am and my 2nd try on answering this and the first one was just as long) Silly’s Persona fandom history lessons throughout the post*

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mattatouile · 5 years

Text

Okay, beneath the cut is the way I approach writing explicit sex scenes. this is not a how-to guide, nor am I suggesting that my way is the best way, but this is how I got comfortable writing sex scenes myself and why I find them fairly easy to write (beneath a cut because...well, I don’t mince words).

Oh, and I’ve tried to watch gendered language and kept it to what parts the person has, rather than what gender they identify as. Sorry if I missed any!

Also, ultimately, don’t worry too much and just write it. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Humans are rarely if ever perfect.

I’m going to bullet point this because I find that...the only way I like talking about things is bullet points.

My first and foremost thought when I begin writing a sex scene is where and when I want to talk about the feelings they’re having. It’s not all orgasmic. There are...surprises sometimes. I have a REALLY intense startle reflex, so sometimes if I get touched somewhere new, even if I’m in the moment my body is like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT, like it’s a goddamn bug even though I KNOW what it is. (It has never been a bug.) Not even in a bad way, you’re just EXTREMELY keyed up and sensitive to touch and your nerve-endings know that shit.

I find it kind of amusing but extremely flattering when someone says that my sex scenes are realistic, because lately I’ve been writing a lot of heterosexual sex scenes and i’ve never not once in my life encountered a penis up close, much less an erect one.

I got comfortable writing about cocks because I was in my very early 20s and very virginal and had a very bisexual, sexually active cis-male good/best friend that was more than happy to read my first forays into smut writing and tell me for sure if it sounded like the penis-haver in my fic sounded realistic.

Everyone’s dick and everyone’s vulva is different, and what works for everyone is different. As in: some penis-havers like a scrap of teeth in a blowjob, some nipple-havers enjoy biting of their nipples, and for some penis-havers and nipple-havers THESE ARE SOLID NOs. So, mix things up! And! Don’t be afraid during a first sex scene between two characters to have them “mess up” and learn what each other likes.

In either oral or penetrative or fingerblasting, don’t spend too much time thumb-twiddling over the number of folds and creases and veins and foreskin. It’s not the most erotic part of it to me. It could be for others! But like... you don’t NEED to overcomplicate things or overexplain. It begins to sound like interior design or fashion design at some point, though, with all the frills and folds and velvety and silky skin.

Don’t worry during the first draft about how many times you use the word slick or wet or slide or thrust or hips or clit or whatever, you’ll drive yourself crazy that way and you may lose the rhythm of the scene.

Rhythm! Just like in real life, keep in mind that the sex scene should have a sense of rhythm. Don’t get too hung up on all of the minute details.

That being said, try to keep track of how many hands and limbs everyone has. It is distracting when an extra hand appears.

I know this is weird to some people, but this happens all the time in published romance/erotica/etc. TRY to visualize the series of positions the characters are in if they move around. Luckily, if you’re going for missionary the whole way, you’re not in too much danger of this problem. But I have read SO MANY sex scenes where I cannot make any sense of what position they’re in after a transition and it takes me right out of the scene. Missionary is fine, because at least people know what’s going on. It’s way better than, “are they upside down now???”

If they’re going to fuck against a wall and the vagina-haver has on pants, please think about how they’re going to achieve penetration. I have never in my life met a vagina-haver that can keep their pants have on and just shoved down and have front-to-front sex. A penis-haver? Sure! But like...try to think about how the penis is getting in, and then think about how they’re going to do it comfortably enough to enjoy themselves, especially if one part is a lot shorter than the other. (Might I suggest the penetrated partner be facing the wall braced on their hands? That’s a good time! Just make sure it makes sense. Khal Drogo fucking Dany while she’s facing a wall and they’re standing is...a difficult thing to figure out just based on logistics)

Use the words you wanna use for the genitalia at first. Don’t worry about it until you go back and edit. I like the word cunt. I find it lovely and I find pussy SO MUCH GROSSER and so much sleazier in an explicit scene. But my experience isn’t universal and you can’t really worry too much about what everyone else likes. I mean, I would suggest avoid calling a clitoris a pleasure pearl. But like...you do you.

I’ve never in my life met a vagina-haver who had a sweet-tasting crotch. That’s just...not going to happen, and it makes me immediately bummed out to read it, frankly. It feels like one of those weird standards that ends up in romance that human beings can’t live up to? Like, somehow, even our vaginas have to be delicate and dainty and sweet. Like, no. Pussy tastes like pussy. If you don’t have one, just imagine what a crotch smells like on anyone. If it tastes sweet you might want to see a doctor about a yeast infection or diabetes. It’s just not great. (It’s also ... not floral? It’s musky down there. I’d avoid calling it MUSTY because that’s not great. But it’s a bit musky for sure.) But I also find it immeasurably sexier to be realistic about what the taste and smell are. It’s a very visceral thing.

Vaginal ‘virginity’ loss in a modern fic doesn’t need to be dramatic AF. It’s not always the hymen that makes things painful. Don’t be afraid to bring lube into the equation, include foreplay, and it doesn’t need to be either unrealistic or overly dramatic. Slow and steady wins the penetration race. I mean, it WOULD be deeply unpleasant if the penis-haver (or dildo-haver) just rammed it in there without proper prep, so, you do you. Obviously, this is about modern AUs. BASICALLY: the penetration isn’t ALWAYS the biggest thing about having sex for the first time. It’s like...everything else that leads up to it.

The odds of a vagina-haver coming from vaginal penetration alone is...not great, even if it’s their soulmate fucking them. Also, it’s fun to include clitoral stimulation!

Sex is messy and sex is fun and sex is awkward and sex is hot. And the best sex I’ve had is all of the above in one session. There are a lot of logistics sometimes, but that’s actually part of the fun of it. You’re all in the muck together having a good time. It’s like an obstacle course in the mud but with more erections or vulvas...probably.

Dick size is boring. Monster cocks aren’t everyone’s cuppa and also not terribly likely. Mini cocks never happen because people don’t think that’s sexy. If you’ve never been fucked by a monster cock, just bear in mind that for a LOT of people it’s ... not comfortable, much less a mind-altering experience. And frankly, getting into the details of everyone’s various specific sizes is... an odd way to approach a sex scene for me? I care more about the fact that someone has feelings about the person being naked in the first place, not about the dimensions of the cocks or vags.

Any position can be romantic if both parties are super into it and super into each other. But think twice about 69. It’s logistically awkward for many couples. (again, Khal Drogo and Dany. How is she gonna get her mouth on his cock and be close enough for him to get his mouth on her snatch, ya know? And ...to what purpose?)

Anyway! Those are just my notes about how I approach sex scenes.

#i write things #including a lot of sex #thoughts #thoughts about writing

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nonbinaoto · 4 years

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Hi! I really don’t want to come off as offensive, this is coming from genuine ignorance and I’m trying to educate myself. But why do you say that not every sexuality is inclusive of all nb people? Isn’t that implying that you can actually tell nb people apart and thus invalidating their identity? Genuinely hope this is not offensive, I’m just trying to understand. Thank you either way xx

Hey there! It's no problem at all. This got long and I'm sorry so it's going under a cut. I write a little too much, but I hope it's extensive enough, lol.

This is also, like, exclusively the experiences of an unaligned person! I should've taken this into account more when speaking on it originally, but nonbinary people aligned with other genders will certainly have other opinions that I'm nowhere near qualified to speak on, haha.

In terms of telling nonbinary people apart from others, that's honestly my intention as a nonbinary person! I don't want to be perceived as a boy or a girl, I want to be perceived as not a part of these genders at all. It would validate my identity more to acknowledge that I'm not a binary gender than to group me in with whatever binary gender that people see me most close to.

The confusion on that is probably just the different of binary trans people and nonbinary people, where binary people can be fit into the boy and girl categories. You're right that it's invalidating and transphobic to binary trans people to try and centre them out from cis binary people, and in terms of sexuality saying that someone likes cis and trans people wouldn't be good. They should always go without saying.

But nonbinary people don't generally have other people of the same gender to put us with. We're out of the genders our current society has set out for us. If we are to be acknowledged as nonbinary, we have to be separated from the binary or else that's not much of an acknowledgement of our gender at all.

This comes down to sexuality because saying that you like multiple genders, such as both women and nonbinary people, isn't so much singling us out but just acknowledging that we're distinct genders. If someone said that they like women (but nonbinary people are just included without saying, of course), I wouldn't feel comfortable being the nonbinary person in question — why group me with women? Or why group me in with men? Which of us will be grouped with who?

(Usually, its whoever they think is closest to the gender they're attracted to. If they think you're closer to presenting feminine than masculine, then people primarily attracted to women will claim you're inherently part of their attraction. This isn't a jab at people primarily attracted to women, I'm just a pretty feminine looking person and I don't trust cishet men).

And if liking nonbinary people and a binary gender isn't enough to make one bi (or otherwise mspec, I just see bi a lot with some recent discourse), I wonder why my gender doesn't count enough to be distinct from binary ones. After all, there are a lot of nonbinary genders, and even saying nonbinary people encompasses a huge amount. We should at least be considered different enough that liking us and a binary gender counts as Two.

Often it seems like we're just being treated as boy/girl-lite, or a slightly different type of boy or girl, as opposed to a separate experience from boys and girls, based on our either agab or whatever socially acceptable gender we seem most like. People often say that it's because you can't tell who is nonbinary, but anyone can be a boy or a girl, too, no matter what their outward appearance. If I mistake a boy for a girl, that doesn't mean that I'm fine to keep treating them as if they were what I thought.

I apologize if this seems like I'm overexplaining, but I'm not amazing with wording and I didn't want to misinterpret your ask and send a whole lot more your way if we were talking about something like this!

It should also be worth noting that I'm not saying you have to change how you identify. I believe that terms should be used simply in ways that make you happy, however super-specific or vague you want them to be. Acknowledging nonbinary people as having genders different from binary people is still important, so basically just keep it in mind when we're "automatically included" with binary genders. We just really don't fit to be. And if there are nonbinary people you know, especially if you have a nonbinary partner, and see what they say. At least, the most helpful thing when I came out was people just asking questions about what made me comfortable :>.

And also none of this is objective. Every nonbinary person sees being nonbinary differently, especially people who do feel aligned with binary genders. Any other nonbinary person who sees this can gently yell at me in reblogs if they want to correct or add anything.

Hope this helps, anon! Sorry it's wordy. I tried to break it up into paragraphs. I write too much.

#long post #i tried. to do a read more #and it didnt woRK #;n;#tumblr mobile has it out for all of us. now everyone gets to read my bad essay #ask #asks #anon #nonbinary #exorsexism #also im sorry for any misinfo? i have no nonbinary frinds #i have One binary trans friend who i regularly talk to about trans stuff #other than that its just me being angry by myself

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douxreviews · 5 years

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The 100 - ‘Red Sun Rising’ Review

“Isn’t this your home?”

This was all about fear.

What is everyone afraid of? Are those fears valid? What reactions are these fears going to bring to pass?

On the moon

Poor, poor Emori. I have to start here because it really broke my heart. She still has such deep seeded anxiety about being on the outside and the people that she loves turning against her. I hate that. I’d say I hope Murphy gives her a real big hug when she comes out of it but things aren’t exactly looking great for him.

How nice for Murphy that he got to be the one that was immune or at least not hit the hardest. It just fits that the ultimate survivor would be the one not overtaken by paranoid rage. Too freaking bad he’s been seemingly infected by something, of course he has survived much worse. He was called out last season for liking being the hero and I think he just proved that point again. He went to Bellamy to try and subdue him before his friend was able to hurt anyone. It would have been more self-preservational to hide and wait it out. In the past, I could’ve even seen him standing guard over Emori before putting himself in Bellamy’s path but he did the hard thing for the good of his friends. Even with Clarke, he was able to recognize that she wasn’t a danger to him and he took the time to talk her down and be responsible for her even though he’s still pissed and needed to get back to subduing Bellamy. It’s a little crazy how much his character has grown on me over these past years and more than a little impressive how effortlessly that character growth has been building and how well Richard Harmon has been at playing this incredibly intricate character.

Of course Clarke is only a danger to herself during the eclipse. She truly always comes from a place of protection and with her own guilty conscience and Murphy constantly reminding her the pain that she’s inflicted, it makes sense that to protect her friends, she’d want to take herself out of the mix. To protect them. What was really interesting though was that it was Abby her mind used to try and convince her to take her own life. Is that saying something about what Clarke thinks motherhood is? Or does it speak to her still holding a grudge against her mom as well as herself? Is her subconscious telling us what’s been nagging at me for these two episodes? That we don’t forgive the good doctor yet for her serious lapses in judgement last season.

Bellamy’s rage and paranoia almost made a beeline to Clarke. I’m not surprised. He probably isn’t surprised. She wasn’t surprised. I just hope it was at least therapeutic for him.

All my gold stars go to Echo. She’s the only one that had to face her demons and was able to overcome them long enough to tranq herself. I’m still shocked at how much I’m finding myself liking her. It wasn’t that long ago that she was on the way opposite side of things than team Bellarke. She was smart and levelheaded. I don’t know why I’d expect anything less from a professional spy, but either way I was very impressed.

Then we had Miller scared of his new home turning on him. I think that’s what the fake bugs crawling into him represented. Maybe the way being in the bunker turned out to be a psychological prison and not the safe haven everyone originally fought for? And Jackson was scared of not being able to save his boyfriend. Of not being a good doctor. He does have a lot to live up to following in Abby’s footsteps. Unless I’m interpreting this whole thing all wrong. I still don’t understand the joint hallucination part of it all.

The way the hallucinations manifested themselves in itself was telling about how these characters perceive themselves. Clarke, Echo and Miller turned everything inward because they see their past actions full of guilt. As much as they tell themselves that they didn’t have choices at the time, they still feel the weight of those choices on their backs dragging them down and in some cases dragging other people down with them. But Bellamy and Emori turned their paranoia outward. They are holding grudges against people that they love. They both have long-held and seriously earned trust issues and are always waiting for the next big betrayal; no matter how surrounded by love and family they are, it can be ripped away. It can turn out to be a worthless lie. Your family can shun you, your sister can sacrifice you, your mom can be killed, your friend can abandon you when you need her.

In the sky

First, there was Octavia. She was putting on quite the stoic face but in the end, she was literally asking to be killed. I guess that might also explain that hard exterior in the first place. Either you’re in Wonkru or you’re the enemy of Wonkru, right? She hasn’t stopped picking fights with people since she thawed out. Even calling them cowards for not killing her. It’s nice that we are finally seeing her struggle with the facts of what she did in the bunker. Everything she did was in the name of survival. Clarke and Bellamy have similarly outlandish skeletons in their closets made in the same name, but regret should be a part of the journey too. It’s human to be able to look back and see the mistakes you made but she isn’t really capable. Probably because she was never taught to take responsibility for herself or her actions. She was only ever taught to react and respond to the way other people see her. She was an illegal stow-away since birth as ‘the girl in the floor.’ Then she was Bellamy Blake’s sister when she got to the ground. Then she tried to escape that life altogether and join the grounders only to become ‘sky girl.’ She never even wanted to be the leader in the bunker but Indra twisted her arm and then Abby manipulated her into becoming ‘Bloodreina.’ She clearly isn’t innocent here but I’d like to see her deal with the fears and become a whole person once and for all. Tricking everyone around her into kicking her ass instead of looking for the ship's onboard therapist is the easy way out.

Then so much of Abby’s fear is tied up in Octavia’s every move. She is rightfully scared of how people will react if they find out that it was her the pressured Octavia into enforcing the mandatory cannibalism rule. It’s probably much easier for her to pretend not to remember what she did when everyone’s anger is focused mostly on Bloodreina. Which made it all the more poignant when she stepped in to stop that Wonkru member from taking Octavia’s life. Bloodreina’s death would mean the end of the possibility that her little secret would get out. That’s a far cry from the junkie that tortured Raven, but she still has a ways to go to be the respected doctor we met her as.

Which brings me to Raven. Oh Raven. I’m starting to worry that she is on the Jasper/Monty/Harper train. It feels odd to lump them altogether given that they handled their depression at the loss of faith in humanity in such vastly different ways, but they all went on a spiral that they couldn’t come back from and that is not the future I want for my girl Raven. Okay? Waking Diyoza was the absolute best bet for taking back the bridge and freeing her friends, giving them back the upper hand. But what was the cost? Their ship was invaded and she was technically working in defense of herself and the others, but if they weren’t in real danger, does that matter? Three people still lost their lives and there is no telling what kind of consequences remain to be seen from these actions. And for a character suffering under questions of morality and right-and-wrong and being a good person, these are the questions that will keep her up at night.

Strong episode. 3 out of 4 terrifying children’s books

Bits and pieces

Sanctum is the Latin root of sanctuary.

I liked Josephine and the flashback. It did a good job of priming us for what was about to happen without having it overexplained.

Last week Bellamy said that they wouldn’t shoot first. Then Diyoza shot three people that hadn’t hurt anyone up to that point.

Bellamy kept everyone’s keys. And Clarke kept his. Talk about symbolism for where everyone’s heads are at.

Clarke’s hallucination included a mention of her dad being floated. Talk about a callback.

I have to give it to Diyoza. She really doesn’t suck at negotiation and strategy.

The hijackers noted Octavia has red blood. They were also fairly adamant that something particular be done with the bodies. We have to wait to find out what exactly. Ugh. I can’t take another human experiment or cannibalism plot. I CAN NOT.

Where were those children hiding? Why have restraints in the building if there is a good hideout somewhere?

Are those kids products of the embryos that horny scientist guy was talking about in the flashback?

Will Clarke and Octavia introduce themselves to the Sanctum folks as the Commander of Death and Blood Queen?

Remember back in season one when The 100 ate the nuts that made them all act like they were at a rave? This reminded me of that. Times 5.

Clarke: “What the hell do you want from me, Murphy? I'm sorry, okay? For all of it. I never meant for you to get hurt, but no matter what I do, someone always does. Is that what you want to hear? That I'm the bad guy? Fine, I'll be the bad guy. When I'm in charge people die, isn't that what you said?”

Raven: “You can't leverage dead people.” Diyoza: “You can, if they don't know they're dead.”

Octavia: "If not for you, I would have delivered us safely to that valley. Our sins would have been washed away. McCreary and Diyoza would have surrendered to me. Everything I did would have made sense. Now nothing does."

Laure Mack

#The 100 #Clarke Griffin #Raven Reyes #Octavia Blake #Bellamy Blake #The 100 Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

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gncrevan · 5 years

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dear m.,

i write this in case you still check my blog (i'm sorry i checked yours, i was acting on paranoia, but i have stopped) and i have unblocked you for that reason. i hate to be misunderstood more than anything. i spent my whole life with my actions being misinterpreted and it breaks my heart. i really hope you read this.

from my perspective, here is what happened: we both were triggered by things the other did. when two traumatized people interact, this is something that can occur. i don't believe it's either of our fault and it's normal that we acted irrationally.

you wanted distance, which i respected. i didn't like not being told what happened/what i did wrong, and i didn't like the way you told me you wanted distance. this is also something that can happen when you have different needs. it reminded me of bad situations i had been in, which wasn't your fault, and i think i made it explicit that i didn't think it was your fault.

i was not in a good place when you offered to talk about it, and coming at it with questions about my intentions, whether my personal recounting of trauma was about you, didn't help. i should have told you there that i wasn't ready, but i failed to do that, as i didn't quite realize that this was the case. instead, i reacted flippantly at first and i apologize for that (i think i also apologized back then). your reaction, telling me to check my attitude, was unfortunately extremely reminiscent of things my father said, and further triggered me. you couldn't have known that, and i don't blame you. i realized in the moment that you couldn't know these things, and i took a breath. i did my all to calm down, look at it rationally. i told you that i didn't understand what was going on, i still don't really understand. i'm sorry if that sounds bad to you. it's not that i don't believe you or don't try to empathize. i have huge problems understanding what goes on in other people's heads. it helps me if they explain. my best guess is that i played into your hypervigilance by mistake and i'm really sorry i made you feel unsafe like that. it's hard sometimes to find the balance between expressing yourself and not stepping on other people's toes. i do think we could have talked this through and found a solution.

in the moment, I felt very lost and confused. i tried to explain myself to you and hold myself accountable. i admitted that seeing you say things that upset me meant more than seeing some random person say those things, cause i had related to you, and this might be why i overreacted. i apologized. i felt very exhausted and overwhelmed when you did not respect my request to not tell me what i didn't want to hear. i frankly also didn't agree with it. i think i gave you time and respected your boundaries. looking back, i can only interpret that me trying to explain myself sounded like i was accusing you. this was not my intention and i deeply regret that i wasn't able to convey what i intended. i have a thing in my brain where i think i need to explain myself and this will make things better. evidently, that's not always the case. maybe i should have asked you what you wanted to talk about, what you were feeling, and have you lead the conversation. i was tripping over myself trying to explain where i was coming from because i was scared of being misunderstood, and in the process i only made the misunderstanding worse. back there, you said you understood where i was coming from, but i'm not sure you did.

this is what happened next from my perspective: we both tried to process our feelings. i didn't know where we stood and i didn't know how or when to ask. the reason i looked at your blog was to see if there was any hint i could ask you. i should have just asked you and i regret not doing that. i thought asking you about your post was okay because you did the same thing before. i did my best to be friendly and not upset you, but i probably just shouldn't have lead with that in the first place, maybe not do it at all. i was acting out of hurt over being misunderstood and misrepresented. that's not an excuse, it's an explanation. i thought i was being diplomatic but i probably wasn't. when you told me off, that didn't make sense to me. i had said i could leave you alone but you never told me if that was what you wanted. from my point of view, i had offered and then never received a confirmation. that's like genuinely a problem for me, i can't infer meaning from vague sentences. and again, i realize i should have just asked, and not asking is on me. i'm still working on my hang-ups here. you seemed angry and i felt hurt. i still think we should have negotiated this better. i am not good at setting my own boundaries until it's too late, i'm mostly reactive. i should have told you earlier that i wasn't ready to talk, or that i didn't like you reading my blog after you unfollowed me. my defenses are weak and i never know when to enforce them. i enforced them too late, and in a manner that was fuelled by anger. i apologize for being indignant.

after that, i tried to sort through my thoughts. i realized that i had set a boundary at one point, albeit weakly and possibly not clearly enough (by trying to appeal to your pity in a way that was probably really pathetic). it's possible that i expected you to understand and realize things that you couldn't know about me because you cannot look into my head. i still felt like my boundary was disrespected and that i had thought that your boundaries would equally apply the other way around. i should have communicated that more clearly, i guess, but that's where my hurt was. that, and being misunderstood, and failing to clear up the misunderstanding.

background info: that is genuinely one of my biggest fears, being misunderstood. it has lead to so much shit in my life. i've done so much therapy focused on that and i still can't figure out what happens in those situations. i think it's because i'm autistic, that's the only explanation i have because listen, i really have tried to change this, i've tried so hard, and it just doesn't work! and i know my brain works in a weird way, and i'm assuming that's the problem. that's why i can't get it right. i told you before i don't know what i'm doing wrong when communicating with you, or others for that matter, and it's not me trying to just be "oh it isn't my fault, you have to pity me, i'm such a poor autistic", it's a genuine fucking problem and it has ruined my life and i wish i could stop it. i overexplain myself in hopes that this does the trick, and it works with some people, like people close to me, but i get that it can be overwhelming. if we ever talk again, i ask you to just tell me if i'm being overwhelming. i know i often talk too much. it's my brain.

back to the topic: i actually think we both made mistakes. i don't think either of us was acting maliciously. it can be hard to convey tone over the internet, and we both apparently pressed the wrong buttons. i accept that you are hurt and that you weren't feeling good and that we both clashed in a situation where we were feeling vulnerable, and proceeded to do things that unfortunately were triggers to the other one without knowing it. that sucks! what's done is done. it's ok if you're angry at me. you can do what you must to protect yourself emotionally, and i guess if that means i don't get my closure, then i must live with it. i'm trying to get closure inside my head, with myself.

the only thing i want to clarify is that i never saw you as my bff or therapist and never projected that onto you. i was actually often intimidated by you and exasperated by how much i was failing to convey things to you correctly. as you might recall, i wrote asks and messages to you about this sentiment. i felt a certain attachment because we related over trauma stuff, that's what i meant when i said projecting. i actually realised a long time ago you weren't exactly like me, and that's an experience i go through every time i relate to someone, and it just happens, it's neutral, it's only in my head etc. but yeah i want you to know that i never wanted to put pressure on you and didn't expect you to carry me or whatever and that i really didn't overestimate how close we were. people online are often really just concepts for us and it's complex to interact. i can relate to a concept, but i don't know that much about you, the person. i know that and i never meant to infer anything different. it's important to me that you don't think i'm like that, because i really don't appreciate people like that, i've had my fair share of them.

i hope that this can bring clarity and peace. i truly never want to upset people. i strive for better understanding and a kinder way that we treat each other.

#don't reblog

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