lavenderek

[lavenderek]

you know, when i was like eight my dad threw out his back for the first time. he found out he has a bulging disc in his lower back. when his back was out, he couldn't move.

the spine thing was somehow rectified, but his back was still injured. (i don't know. i was eight.)

during his recovery process, i overheard him telling my mom something. they were in their bedroom and i just happened to be in the hall, so i could hear what they were saying. he was telling her that at some point he had been given a pain med that made basically his whole body feel light and numb. so he didn't feel like he had to go to the bathroom that bad, but when he got to the bathroom, "niagara falls."

i hated knowing about my dad's pee. the idea of not knowing you had to pee made me super anxious.

when i was in the hospital for a kidney stone last winter, i had to have a CT scan with contrast dye - they inject you with a certain kind of dye that makes it possible for the techs to see your insides. the tech did warn me ahead of time that the dye would make me feel like i was about to pee, but it was just the dye.

she was right. it triggered the memory of my dad saying "niagara falls."

they had given me pain meds. what if what happened to him, happens to me? what if i fall back asleep instead of going and i have to go worse, but i don't know hoW BAD UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE? they were giving me lots of fluids too, trying to flush out the stone. i peed every chance i got just in case. i would experience no niagara falls.

anyway. what's your point, betp?

my point is just that it's abusive to discuss your medical experiences in the house if your kid is home. they could hear it and it could be traumatic.

stop saying "gen z brought back bush-era purity politics" i grew up in the bush era and even then people weren't saying that you're a sex addict for having boring marital sexual congress in the same house as your children. this is just plain unhinged

#ouch. 🛑 ✋ #sex in and of itself is not bad. how in the fuck do you think you were conceived

[lavenderek]

hey guys i'm reading a book

[lavenderek]

#oof. how does 15 points of damage taste

[lavenderek]

Julia Margaret Cameron, Suspence, 1864

'Suspense', A photographic study of Kate Dore, taken by Julia Margaret Cameron (1815-1879) in 1864

#honestly it's really problematic that you think uggs didn't exist in the 1800's

[lavenderek]

I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.

Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.

#yeah she depicted an experience i had never seen before on tv in a book or a movie anywhere #the experience of a person self sabotaging #until everyone around her hated her #genuinely had never seen a character like this before #i've seen the idiot character who makes impulsive decisions #ive seen the jealous character who feels second best to their sibling #but ive never seen a character like eleanor

[lavenderek]

#goose scoot #and sunglasses to boot

[lavenderek]

Black tea and a pink lady. 🫖

#op these COLORS #the shapes! #classic dynamic composition too every line leads my eye back around into the painting #i love this. very expressive and i love looking at this #that apple looks fresh as hell #art

[lavenderek]

there should be more semi-maintained abandoned catholic churches for gay people to have weird violent blasphemous imbalanced-power-dynamic sex in

#idk if this is a reference to something #but i'd like also to rent it out so i can stand in there and experience emotion #i love that shit i'm like ''ohh i can feel that someone was here doing shit and whatever''

[lavenderek]

you know i don’t think we often talk about how difficult it actually is to suddenly realize that a belief you thought was good and moral and correct was actually really fucking toxic. how you have to look at something and go ‘oh shit, oh i fucked up. oh this is going to take probably years at minimum to deprogram from my brain because of all the little ways this shit pervaded the rest of my beliefs’

so. to all the people picking up all the pieces of a recently shattered world-view and trying to figure out what is safe to keep and what has to be thrown away and started over

to all the people having to relearn how to even listen to other people

to all the people putting in the work to do better while struggling with the guilt that comes from finding out you were the asshole

i’m proud of y’all.

it’s hard to admit being wrong and even harder to change in the aftermath. just keep doing the best you can and just know that the effort is appreciated. everyone can change. everyone can do better. keep fighting.

#let's goooo op #this is a great post. #i think we all know how difficult it is to admit when you were wrong #when people are like ''i used to think x but then i learned more about it and changed my mind'' #i'm always really proud of them i think it shows some maturity

[lavenderek]

anything i could ever write is not even half as funny as this calvin and hobbes strip

#honestly the fact that it's still hilarious removed from the cultural context is 💯

[lavenderek]

i am obsessed with this spam message i got today. i think i love everything about it.

hi. i'm so happy, all the time, and i really want you to have fun.

a beautiful sentiment. and they typed it using a wet hot dog instead of their fingers. i hope ashli is having a great day

#diary post #haters

[lavenderek]

while it's true that some people have good experiences with being adopted, it's harmful to use those outliers as a justification for human trafficking and ignoring the way religious adoption agencies have lobbied the government for restrictions to abortion because their business model relies on babies as stock items. not to mention the way adoption has historically been used as a tool for ethnic cleansing and genocide against native and indigenous people.

i'm happy for people who feel "chosen" but please don't minimize the very real harm done to people because their abusers were wealthy enough buy a kid and want praise for it.

wow! my eyebrows are on the ceiling. i hardly know where to begin.

at first i was going to try to explain that the things you brought up simply didn't come up in the conversation. that i hadn't minimized anything, because the topic never came up.

but i was like, no, they probably get the concept of something not coming up in conversation.

then i was going to ask if this was your response every time you find out someone was adopted, or if it was something specific about me that got on your nerves.

but i couldn't get past the word "outliers," because it was giving me the impression - forgive me if i'm wrong - that you think it's rare that an adoptee would have a completely normal life growing up in an adopted family. that an adoptee might love their mom and feel like a cherished member of the family.

it's deeply saddening that this is your experience with adoption, to the point that another user can't even say how special it makes them feel to know how wanted they were, without you thinking to yourself, "that's not normal. usually adoption is hell." that's heartbreaking. i can only imagine what happened to you to make you feel this way.

thanks for the reminder, though, in case anyone reading this wants to do some research on those topics.

#haters #who is this even #which are my ask and anonymous tags

[lavenderek]

Tintype of what appears to be a light-hearted spot of stabbing between friends, circa 1880

#gay: circa whenever

[lavenderek]

eyrco replied to post: People are so goddamn weird about adoption, like being blood related to your parents stops them from being shitty. Show me a foolproof family dynamic, and I’ll show you a cult.

One thing that’s almost never addressed in the “conversation about adoption” or the “absolute bullshit I just made up about adoption” is that adopted kids have the benefit of knowing that their current parents wanted them so much that they jumped through a billion legal hoops and paid a not insignificant amount of money to have them, which does wonders for a kid’s self esteem. There are swaths of territory that my brother and I don’t have to tread in therapy, it’s great.

right!! they chose you!

#eyrco #haters

[lavenderek]

HI BETP I LOVE YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY

EDIT: I JUST REALIZED I ALREADY SHOWED YOU MY STUPID BEANBAG CLOWN DOLL

MY DEEPEEST APOLOGIES PLEASE ACCEPT THIS:

he is a design on inkbox. the design is called "party boy"

look at this stupid beanbag clown doll i bought on ebay in the summer

i love him

#i keep him on my work desk #haters #who is this even #he was my last frivolous purchase #ily2

[lavenderek]

I feel like someone is standing next to me talking about how I'm dead

[lavenderek]

We NEED more people who aren't white atheists from Christian backgrounds to talk about and critique cults and pseudoscience. Please. For the love of all that is good and holy.