#someone hold my heart this is not okay

[ptrckjcne]

his expression after the phonecall where he got to hear danny–

#someone hold my heart this is not okay #he knows terrorists have had their guns pointed at danny (and grace) #you can fucking hear his whole world shatter with worry and guilt #he simply cannot lose danny or grace he just can't #he's found his ride or die in danny #the one he can always turn to #he's found the love of his life #they were literally bantering about poker and sandwiches earlier that day #and now danny's held at gunpoint with grace? #this man needs a hug (from danny) #steve mcgarrett #h50 #h50 7x08

[madamescarlette]

don't you love when you're like, okay now I'm going to leave this sorrow in the old year so I don't turn into a crotchety bitter person over it, and then you walk on feeling all refreshed and bright no longer carrying it on your shoulders, but then the sorrow wanders after you like a child who was lost in the supermarket weeping its eyes out and it says to you where did you GO I was lost! I was lost and I missed you!!! and you can only sigh and take it by its hand and say to it very well. here's your seat. I'm sorry I left you behind, I promise it was with the best of intentions, but I want to do my best by you, so let's sit together and try to figure out what you're saying to me.

#thinking out loud #i'm truly like. ok i'm mostly fine i'm a little bit going through it because it's harshest month of winter and it's always weird this month #but i just think it's so funny that i have to be like OH you don't suddenly stop....hurting over something because you decided to! #if you were missing someone who was important to you two months ago by golly you probably still will two months from then!! #weird how that be! anyway #it's funny to me because it's like the opposite of object impermanence #i used to think i was all heart no head and that there's a part of me that went hard in the opposite direction to counteract that #but i am still as much as heart as i ever was except now i have my logical side going yip yip girl we gotta go!!! let's go!!! #and the heart is like holding up a shakey hand going oh lads you go on without me...i just need to catch my breath for like....15 years #anyway anyway. the narrative is indeed kind but that doesn't mean that it doesn't sting sometimes #but! we can do the best that we can and take our troubles by their hands and learn what we can from them and it will all be okay in the end #(i hope this post isn't too complainy or miserable. i may take it down later but i feel the need to say it somewhere.) #regardless of that. happy Friday my friends I love you all dearly bless you for being near me <3 <3

[moonchild-in-blue]

Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.

I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙

Artist: Bright Eyes

How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)

If you could go anywhere: Lua

Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)

Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹

Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset

If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not

Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲

Your fear: Waste Of Paint

Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n

#okay i made myself sad again #so little story time! #(okay i talked briefly about past suicide/sh struggles so be warned!) #First Day Of My Life is their most famous song AND is probably my mostest favourite love song in the entire world #like. this particular song means so much to me #there is this line that goes “this is the first day of my life. i'm glad i didn't die before i met you” #and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because that is just. so true. so pure #because for someone who was very suicidal and struggled with sh *just before* i met my best friend(s) #it's a lot. like. that could've been me. and yet i'm here. and i need to hold on more because there's still so many people to meet #and so many things to see and experience. i AM glad i didn't die before i met any of you #it's crazy to think how many things i would've missed if every single time i thought about about ending it i had actually done it #whack #also! nothing gets crossed out is incredibly depressing and poignant! if anyone is in the mood for that! #(most if not all of these are. once again i am incapable of choosing happy songs lmao) #tw suicide mention #tw sh mention #<- is this enough? let me know if i should use other tags!!!! #tag game #darya's mixtape #bright eyes

[katierosefun]

oh there's something particularly painful about my mister in that dong hoon tells ji an that as long as no one knows, it's no big deal, and there's something particularly painful about how ji an tells dong hoon that sometimes, i want [my secret] to play out on big screens for everyone to see, and there's something particularly painful about how the second dong hoon meets the loan shark tormenting ji an, he starts screaming and yelling about how she's just a kid, how could you do that to a kid, and there's something particularly painful about how dong hoon doesn't even let ji an know he did that, but ji an knows. she knows because she was listening in the entire time and she just starts crying because someone actually knows this ugly, sad part of her and still took her side, and something particularly painful about how my mister started with as long as no one knows, it's no big deal but really concludes with there is so much risk in having someone know who you are but there's also so much comfort and peace to be found in that, too and maybe you shouldn't isolate yourself and maybe you should reach for that kind of comfort in being known and loved anyways

#caroline talks #my mister #if this is incoherent. it should be #rewatched the first 2.5 episodes of my mister last night #felt like crying my eyes out the entire time tbh!! #every time i watch this show there's just something about it that hurts me more and more and there's something that makes the messages #in this show feel more and more relevant #idk. thinking a lot about when ji an talks about how sometimes she wishes. sometimes she wishes #that everyone knew what she'd done and what had been done to her. #something about how ji an can't ever bring herself to connect truly with another person because of how much she hates #the feeling of people realizing what her past looks like #and not wanting to withstand the pity and also horror. like. okay. #something about ji an sobbing by the bridge when she listens to dong hoon pummeling that loan shark guy #and how i used to always cry at that scene but now i tear up just thinking about it #because you know! there's that shock (that firstly: someone knows your miserable secret. and secondly: they're still on your side) #and then absolute heartache because you don't know what to do with that information. you didn't expect it. #you're sobbing at a bridge because someone knows who you are and someone knows the scars of your past and still gets angry and sad for you. #and you still feel like you don't deserve it because you know deep down you are not a very good person (or so you tell yourself). #and. oughough. lee ji an holds such a place in my miserable little heart

[maple-leifarts]

does anyone. does anyone listen to half alive

#ok i cant say im an og because i didnt listen to them until a bit after still feel came out #BUT im pretty much an og #i like to sort their music into two catergories #now not yet and post-now not yet #because i first listened to them after now not yet was released and then i didnt listen to them for a long time #and when i got back into them i think conditions of a punk was already out #tbch coap is my fav album but now not yet still holds a special place in my heart 💕 #also NIGHT SWIMS???? omfg im not okay #and have you fucking seen the music videos. #WHATS WRONG MUSIC VIDEO. LISTEN TO ME #AND DID I MAKE YOU UP MUSIC VIDEO???? #its so clever and well made oughh #id kill someone to see them in concert 😭😭 #and have you seen josh taylor. man is so attractive sorry #HE HAD PINK HAIR AT ONE POINT!!!!! AUGH. #i miss his long hair……. #anyways #maple says some words #half alive #josh taylor

[ray935sworld]

Okay but like - Nicky Hayden is so - I don't know, exceptionally to me.

Because I was 12 when he died and at that point I knew nothing about motogp. I didn't even know motogp existed because my family wasn't into racing beside the occasional f1 race.

But on a random Tuesday morning I heard about a former motogp rider and the 2006 champions that had died the day prior after 5 days of fighting his injuries. I remember sitting in the bus listening to the drivers radio because I had left my headphones at home, thinking about the news.

I've always knew a little bit about f1. The 2012 Vettel title. Nico Rosberg winning the 2016 title. The sky accident of Michael Schumacher. Those were event you couldn't not learn about in my home country. But MotoGP was never in the news. I was sad that the "Kentucky kid" seemed to be only worth mentioning to the media when he passed.

So the memory of Nicky Hayden got burried in my mind. And when I started discovering the wonderful world of motogp I read the name and it felt weirdly familiar. And I remembered that moment. Now I feel like he's smiling at me in my memories cause I finally got to know the story of the man that passed away 7 years ago in Italy and I can finally say 'I know who you were. We won't forget you.'

#nicky hayden #This man holds a special place in my heart and I don't event know why #Like I was 11 and I remember the death of someone I've never heard of #rip #motogp #I hope you're okay Nicky #I've read that you were really catholic so I hope that you get the heaven you always prayed for #This post is so random but I needed to get it out of my system

[bijoumikhawal]

"Biden is the best choice and he's actually really empathetic and reasonable but also you can't wait for a candidate that won't do genocide and war crimes because to become a presidential candidate you have to be willing to do that" see what you fundamentally don't understand is I'm not waiting for a candidate that won't do war crimes, because I know that. I cannot morally stomach this system, it's a joke to claim its democratic, and AMERICA DELENDA EST. this country is a plague on this Earth

#cipher talk #It's baffling because okay so you know how fucked up this is but you're behaving in a way that clearly indicates you want that this shambli #Disgusting empire to cling to life until after you're dead because it'd make /you/ uncomfortable and inconvenienced #To live through its destruction (the wealthier classes and more privileged experience lesser material changes in state collapse so long as #They aren't too highly ranked/involved in politics. A Sri Lankan wrote an article specifically addressing Americans about this) #It's so dehumanizing! People's blood is so cheap to you! You've just accepted its inevitable that genocide will happen! #Because of how the US operates! You can see no other future! It hardly matters to you! #You say this like the death of Palestinians of Yemenis of Syrians is someone else's dropped ice cream cone #You understand why people hate this country and you understand we deserve it but it just. Hardly matters to you #It feels like madness to watch this. It's disgusting #I keep thinking- it'd be so easy for you to justify my people being killed if violence broke out and it was in your favor #It's unlikely because. Well. America loves 'the church of the martyrs' #But you'd do it if that was favorable. You wouldn't think twice. You might feel a twinge in your heart but that's all #Because we aren't people to you! #We aren't all that important! Not important enough for you do anything more than 'well let's vote a blue in and do some protests' #What's a protest worth if you perpetuate the system and can't see a way out and don't try for a way out? #That's killing a man then putting flowers on his casket. It's /perverse/. #You get used to the idea that Africans die that West Asians die and that's just the way of the world. My g-d do you understand anything?? #I watch necrosis take hold my parts of my culture and I watch every good person I know be ground to dust under a military regime #I talk to my friend who got drafted and is trans and may never come out because if they do they can get arrested as a 'prostitute' #I watch the wild hope for the future I was introduced to over radio at 9 years old wither #I watch people risk it anyway because just past the fence they can see they know there are people there #I watch my neighbor to the south crumble and weep because our hands are bloody and it's in part because we bloodied them for the west #And you just think that's how things are. #Fascist white death cult mindset

[bylertruther]

moodboard for when you lose the idgaf war. or something. again

#when i started this post there was no one online so like. can u guys turn around or smth -_- #anyway. feeling like a chump like a weenie like a marshmallow that's dissolving in someone's hot chocolate feeling very um . Feely #and tht isn't said in a self-deprecating way bc there's nothing wrong with being a sensitive person i'm jus. yk. saying tht it's not always #very fun. like i would very much rather feel like a toasty marshmallow being smushed in a delicious s'more rn but instead i'm trying to #express in the least vulnerable way possible tht i've felt a series of human emotions in quick succession tht make my heart beat funny #bc i think if i were to be any more open abt tht then i would likely disintegrate and i mean tht in the most normal I'm Okay way ever 👍 #and i jus think tht it Sucks tht u can be earnest n true n it won't matter bc if someone doesn't engage with u in good faith then there is #simply literally nothing that you can do but go ''Okay 👍'' #like. goes taut n keels over dead like a cartoon character. then reanimates bc i'm not done #that is just The Worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wdym!!!!!! #it should be enough. it should be but it isn't and i'm a little marshmallow melting in someone's drink they're stirring me and #i'm turning into foam like . There Has Got To Be Another Way Out Other Than Through Bro someone grab my collar and drag me out #this bitch like a cat on a leash someone hold their hands out or smth i just . *)%*^76)*%$^)%*43^rty)*%6$)6578^$%(*8796gk@$)*%$ #it will be ok . it will 👍

[urboymutual]

To be anything was enough. To be anyone was enough. 

the growing-up itch by k.c cramm + evan “buck” buckley (9-1-1)

#i know only like 2 mutuals will care abt this post but #ive been working on this for like 3 days sob #anyways its abt the desperation for any type of love and attention buck could get #i originally wanted to webweave the part that was like #[See me know me want me hold me. #Feeling known even if known in pieces — known broken known bruised — felt as good as the hands of the divine. #I craved adoration and if I couldn’t have it then I would leave claw marks on the walls as proof that I was there at all.] #but alas #but the growing up itch is soooo good pls read if u get a chance bc #I carve my heart out and I hope someone else might look back and see something familiar in the bloodstains. IS SUCH A LINE!!!! #god but buck hes soooo #he can fit so many issues in those long legs #he literally just wants someone to look back and see something familiar in the bloodstains of his carved heart #okay tag time #evan buckley #evan buck buckely #9-1-1 #evan buckley webweave #9-1-1 edit #buddie #<- ish

[raeofgayshine]

I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.

For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.

#ravenpuff rambles #I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times #several of whom are still in my life now #but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place #I don’t know how to explain it #I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit #and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me #maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind #never had someone quite get that before #and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart #admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming #and so maybe that helps #but it’s like #Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘ #‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’ #It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word #anyways #I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me #and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream #no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay #its nothing and everything like I always thought of #and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness #yes I wish I could see them in person #but I can be okay with everything I do get

[mycological-mariner]

I really should go back to the short story about the fishwives and bal maidens tbh

#holds a special place in my heart #someone needs to hold me to it #mind you I’ve only got the idea for the story not an actual plot lol #idk! between this and the short about the Duke of Cornwall’s regiment #I have two interesting playing fields in which to uh. okay #at least re: fictitious Cornish history. #god help us if I wrote a short story inspired by ALL my special interests #I did one VERY loosely inspired by Antarctic exploration. didn’t even take place in Antarctica lol #I’m still steadily working on my fungi guide #aaaah I want to talk to someone about the stories I’m writing #I was really proud of my polar-inspired one #:/ #it is collecting dust in my desktop folder #I chewing on the walls here #the fishwife story is one that’s been rattling around #but I kinda don’t wanna write it if I don’t get to share it ya know? #im still gonna TRY and work but there’s a lot less motivation #I need to find a new local writers group

[transgenderfivepebbles]

if one more Thing Happens i swear to god i'm going to distort

#ramblings #tag wall ahead -> #why is. why is it [vaguely gestures; sobbing] why is it #why are the people who care the most the ones who can do the least. why are the people who can make things right never the ones who want to #oh Mili & KIHOW - In Hell We Live‚ Lament we're really in it now #why can so few good things come without the suffering of others. is everyone just used to this. for the love of god can anyone hear me #the nectar of morality burns my throat; my heart holds enough love to be broken yet not enough to repair itself #why am i so fragile as to break at even trying to make anything better #what is there left to do even #i just want to live. i want to survive and i want everyone else to be able to live alongside me. is that too much to ask #is it too much to want the happiness of my life to not come at the cost of someone else's #i want to tell myself it'll be okay but i really don't know if it will be #please save me fearlessness to keep on living. please

[tafferling]

Did you break but never mend? Did it hurt so much~   you thought it was the end? Lose your heart, but don't know when~ And no one cares,     there's no one there~

But did you see the flares in the sky? Were you blinded by the light? Did you feel the smoke in your eyes? Did you see the sparks filled with hope?     You are not alone~ 'Cause someone's out there,      sending out flares~

Kyle Crane, the man who saved my life.

I’ve been looking for an artist to bring this to life for me for years. Then @drawinglinestoconstellations happened. And I found peace. 

During my darkest time, playing Dying Light kept me going. Which is why I’ve got the whole Kyle saved my itsy bitsy life thing everywhere. And, back then, there was one particular song that I’d listen to a lot while in the slums and Old Town: Flares by The Script. It became all tangled up with Kyle in my head and ever since I’ve wanted THIS. Now I got THIS. Thanks to @drawinglinestoconstellations. I’m very. Very. Grateful.

#Dying Light #Kyle Crane #Hold Still Babe #My. HEART. My. Soul. My. EVERYTHING is FULL OF LOVE #Please I am beginnig you someone hold me before I vibrate to the core of the Earth #I love him with a vengeance #He's special to me okay #this is special to me #here #I share this with you all #*holds up heart*

[kingproblem]

police officers open up ❤️🥺

#idk how tranquilizer darts other than movies #but if we can go to the moon we can find non lethal violent painful methods to detain someone who’s actually for real like legit #no questions asked threatening your life #my heart hurts #it’s like #don’t watch the news or any documentative media! #but like #fuck idk #another manic and tipsy rant #okay drunk #personal #lol #idk #fuck #yikes #blah #lmao #maybe one day god will #forgive me for my sins #police officer #acab #it’s so wild #like I need four years of schooling to process a wire and basic math but these bitches hold lives in their hands after x hours WTF

[transgender-catboy]

why is I love you so easy to say but so hard to hear?

#like #it's okay if I say it #it's fine it's whatever (i say casually as if i dont put my whole heart into it whenever i say i love someone or something) #but when it's said to me? #there's a sting #an ache #like a dull blade being forced into my side #it's honestly pathetic #but nowadays i cry when someone says they love me #it's beautiful and i hold each and every time i hear those words close to my heart #but that doesn't make it hurt any less #vent #it's late #I'm tired #and my throat hurts from crying #goodnight #I'll see you tomorrow #... #I love you

[valpuduzz]

im so sorry to my mutuals i promise i dont wanna vent in here all the time because i know it can be extremely exhausting to be around such negativity and i do wanna make more funny posts but shit keeps happening and venting about it in the tags is sorta comforting in a way

#the meowing of a cat 🐱 #anyways. it is 5am and i cannot sleep because im not tired and also because i fucking hate myself #i wanna isolate myself from everyone #i really do #i really really really do. but i cant and i wont. dont worry. #actually i think i just wanna isolate myself from my crush because it's the only way i know the feelings will go away #but i cant #and i dont want to #YES IM VENTING ABOUT MY CRUSH AGAIN. I HATE IT TOO OKAY #im such a fucking incel and i hate it i hate it #im literally mister nice guy redditor #because i have so much love to give and i hate the fact he will never reciprocate. he doesnt even see me as a close enough friend #i just want to tell him how much i love him but i cant because i told him once and you cant confess again #that's not how that works #please why cant i accept he doesnt like me back why cant i accept it i just want to accept it #i want to let go i want to let go i want to let go but i cant i fucking cant and i hate it #please please please i just want to learn to live with the fact he wont and never will love me back #but i fucking cant. ive tried fucking everything. ive tried so fucking hard. and i always come back loving him more #wish i could punch my brain and my heart repeatedly. i just want to accept this that's all i fucking want #but i cant. and i overthink so hard i overthink every interaction i have with him #i want to let him know i love him but i dont wanna be a creep. he probably already thinks im a creep #but ofc he's so sweet he will never let me know that #i cant sleep and my leg hurts and my finger hurts and im shaking #i just. i really want to tell him the amount of love i have for him. but i cant anymore #he has been done wrong by many people. i wish i could give him my love. but i cant force someone to love me #god im such a Nice Guy incel.... i hate it #dont get me wrong he makes me so fucking happy. it's just the fact that i know he will never love me #and how i will never get to show my love for him fucks me up #i want to show him so badly but the love for him i hold is so overwhelming i cant possibly do that without being seen as a creep #please i just want to let go i want to accept it i want to accept he will NEVER fucking love me but i cant