#so she was saying holy shit you cried over a piece of media

[hprse]

Told my step mom abt how the rwby v8 finale made me cry harder than i had since i was like, 6, and she said "i wouldve paid to see that" and i fucking LOST IT

#txt #SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT BUT I LITERALLY COULDNT STOP LAUGHING AT HER #we were in the car so she had no escape either #a joke in the family is that im heartless bc i dont cry at movies or tv #i didnt cry at up and i dont know if i cried at et but we think i didnt #other than like small tears over random shit the main thing i can think of in recent history #was in like middle school or 5th grade i watched hachi: a dogs tale #and i ended up crying like 3 fucking times in one day over it #but other than that i cant think of any time i cried SUPER hard over something #other than yknow. rwby. #so she was saying holy shit you cried over a piece of media? #essentially and it just made me lose it

[tired-college-student-writing]

#WayneAngel

The Maribat AU by @ozmav and @maribat-archive is all I can think about atm, so enjoy this while I work on the next Tim’s Secret Weapon chapter. 

Summary- After Grayson posts a video on the wrong twitter, Damian feels like he should lose his social media privileges, and possibly his hand.

EDIT-someone pointed out I misspelled Damian’s name, my bad guys

Part 1 (HERE) Part 2

 ______________________________________________________________________

“You’re really dating Damian Wayne?” Rose gushed at lunch making Marinette chock on her sandwich from the next table over, “Is he really as grumpy as his siblings make him out to be?” 

“Oh please,” Lila laughed, “Dami-bear is such a softy, he’s just camera shy,” 

“Awww,” Mylene coos, “Do you have any pictures with him?” 

“Sadly none I can share,” Lila’s mouth twisted into an apologetic smile, “He made me promise that I would be the only one to see the pictures we took together because he’s afraid of our relationship getting to the media,” 

No one noticed as Marinette hid her snort in her lunch. 

______________________________________________________________________

Most of the class had just finished up dinner when Alya’s phone blew up. 

Chloe had sent the whole class group chat a link. Now normally Alya would ignore what was probably just another of her parody news stories, only the whole class seemed to be flipping shit over it. 

Must be interesting, she thought as her phone loaded up the twitter video. 

Dick Grayson @AFlyingGrayson

 Adventures of being the eldest brother 

The video blurred for a second before focusing on the Wayne kitchen, easily recognizable from the countless other short videos the siblings had shot in it. It didn’t hurt either that the camera focused the imposing figure of Jason Todd who was screaming in the much shorter Tim Drake’s face. 

They were arguing about the batter Tim was holding. Jason holding a spoon and brown sugar while Tim waved a piece of paper, the recipe most likely, in his face as he yells right back. Jason, without warning, gives his brother a hard shove, and the camera follows his pinwheeling fall down to the floor where he lands with his face in the batter. 

The room goes silent as the camera pans over to a short black haired girl holding a piping bag, her blue eyes glaring daggers at the two men as Damian Wayne snickered next to her. 

Alya’s heart skipped a beat, thumb smashing the screen to pause the video. For a long second all the reporter could do was stare at the girl that was undeniably Marinette Dupain-Cheng. 

What the hell?

What The Hell?

WHAT THE HELL?

Thousands of questions flew through her head. 

Why was Marinette in Gotham?

How did she get there?

Since when did Marinette know THE Waynes?

Why was she baking with them?

What was going on?!

Her hands shook as she hit play once more. 

“Take over filling these macarons, please, Damian,”  Marinette’s voice was cool as you heard a snort from behind the camera, “I need to take out the trash.” 

The youngest Wayne grins widely as he takes the piping bag. “Kick their asses, angel,” He teased, leaning over to peck her on the cheek, “I got your piping bag,” 

“Since when does the demon spawn know memes!” Jason cries as Tim simply lifts his head and looks at the teens like the world was coming to an end. 

Marinette ignored them as she stalked over and grabbed Jason and slung him over her tiny shoulders like he was a bag of flour. 

“Holy sh-” 

“What the fu-”

“How the he-” 

“No swearing in the kitchen,” Marinette cut off three oldest Waynes, as she calmly walked towards the back door, “It makes the macarons bitter.”  

“Where are you taking him, Mari?” Dick asked, zooming the camera in on Jason’s dumbfounded face. Understandably so, he had at least a foot on the teen, and about eighty pounds, how the heck did she lift him? 

“I said I was taking out the trash,” She answers as she kicks open the kitchen door and dumps Jason on the patio. 

Tim bursts out laughing until Marinette appears over him and carries him under her arm, “Hey!” 

“Stay out of my kitchen,” She snaps, before closing the door in their faces. 

“My girlfriend is awesome,” Damian whispered to himself, almost to quiet for the microphone to pick up. 

“You’re one scary lady, Mari,” Dick told the girl as she turned back to the kitchen. 

She bit her lip, “I wasn’t too mean, was I? I mean I didn’t want them ruining any more sweets with their bickering, because now I have to remake the cake batter, and we’re already close on time  before Alfred gets home from shopping but-” 

“Angel,” Damian said calmly, “That was amazing and those two morons deserved it.” 

“Baby Birds right,” Dick agreed, “That was so cool!” 

She smiled, her shoulders sagging in relief as she walks back towards Damian, who had been dutifully piping the macarons as asked, “Thanks, guys. Now let’s get to work to make Alfred's birthday a success!” 

“As you wish,” the eldest Wayne teasingly announced as he goes to shut off the recording. 

The last thing seen on screen was Marinette sharing a sweet kiss with Damian as she took the piping bag back. 

“Thanks for holding this for me,” 

“Anytime, Habibiti,”

Alya wasn’t sure how long she stared at the screen after it went black, but her texts were still buzzing. They were probably all saying the words that they were thinking. 

Marinette knew the Waynes.

Marinette knew the Waynes REALLY well from the looks of it. 

Marinette was dating Damian Wayne. 

Marinette was dating Damian Wayne, even though Lila had claimed she was dating the heir not three days ago. 

Marinette looked happy in Gotham.

Marinette looked happier in Gotham then she had looked in months in Paris.

She scrolled through the messages without really reading any of them, her mind and body too numb.

Even so, Alya couldn’t help but notice that Lila was strangely silent. 

_______________________________________________________________________

Marinette sighed as she slid the finished and decorated cake into the fridge to cool alongside the macrons they had finished earlier. It had taken a little extra time to make after she kicked Tim and Jason out of the kitchen but the chocolate lavender cake was complete and decorated in an elegant design she hoped Alfred would enjoy. 

After closing the fridge she dug her phone out of her pocket, as it had been buzzing her almost nonstop for an hour before she had muted it so she could focus on the cake. 

Looking through her notifications, her eyebrow raised further and further up her forehead before she groaned. 

“Dammit, I owe Tim €20,” 

“What?” Dick asked from the sink where he was washing the dishes.

“We’re trending,” She answered.

Damian raised a brow, putting down his drying towel, “What do you mean we’re trending?” 

She held up her phone up to the two Waynes, “You posted the video on your public twitter instead of your private one, Dick. #WayneAngel and #MariDami are both trending right now in France and America.” 

Damian hissed, hand twitching towards the knife block “Grayson!” 

Dick had the decency of looking sheepish before he took off, Damian on his heels, screeching for the older boy to relinquish his phone.  

“Don’t break anything!” She screeched not even bothering to follow them, “If you make a mess on Alfred’s birthday then I’m making you into mincemeat pies!” 

 Looks like she had a twitter account to make.

#miraculous ladybug #batman #Maribat #maridami #marinette dupain cheng #damian wayne #Tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #alya cesaire #lila rossi #other classmates mentioned #social media fail #lila gets exposed #crack treated seriously

[pies-writes-and-more]

PIES’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS FOR JUNE 2020

Click HERE for the amazing fics I read in May 2020!

NOTE: If you’ve got an incredible fic that you are super proud of or if you think that I should read something you’ve read, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME! I’m really big on StevexFem!Reader, BuckyxFem!Reader, WandaxFem!Reader, CarolxFem!Reader, and Stucky fics!!! (And of course any fics with gender neutral readers is ALWAYS welcome :) )

If you do end up reading these fics, please tag me if you reblog them or comment on them!! I’d love to see your guys’ reactions :)

PS. if these links dont work for some reason, please let me know so I can update this list because I was very distracted halfway through making this so it might not be perfect!

SPECIAL MENTION FIC/POEM RECOMMENDATION

Okay so I’m not doing this because I’m trying to give myself a shoutout however, @wxstedhexrt​ and I have been collaborating in a poetry inspired fanfic collection called Falling! Tis a BuckyxFem!Reader series and if I do say so myself, it’s fucking adorable. 

The real reason I’m mentioning it is because @wxstedhexrt​‘s poems are some of the most real and gorgeously written things I’ve ever met so please give them a look! 

She has this series on Achilles and Patroclus, this collection about the word Silver, gorgeous poems from last year (involving Icarus, Apollo, and Helen of Troy), and so many more!!! Check out the tag #poetry or #mywriting on her blog!!! Send her some love :)

ANYWAYS BACK TO THE FANFICS!

1. Homecoming by @scentedsongrebel | Steve Rogers x Desi!Reader “You bring Steve to Mumbai to meet your family“ Yall want some wonderful representation in your fic reading!!??? READ THIS ONE! It’s so fucking wholesome and I love the whole story line of Steve learning more about his partner’s culture so that he can impress her family. Fucking adorable. 100% fluff with a wonderfully diverse reader and author!!!!

2. Iced Tea by @kaunis-sielu | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader I don’t think there’s an official summary for this fic ( @kaunis-sielu pls correct me if I’m wrong) BUT LEMME TELL YALL. I AM A SUCKER FOR BIKER FICS. WE LOVE BIKER STEVE. This was 100% FLUFFY and we LOVE IT. Amazing job!!!!!!

3. let me show you by @moteldwelling | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader bucky gives reader a “redo” on her first time, and takes her virginity. Listen here people. This smut took my soul and dragged me to hell and back. I am a SUCKER for Bucky fics but this one like took my life away. We love a man who makes sure his lady is having a good time when being intimate with her!!!!! we stan a good boi. Anyways if I keep thinking about this fic, I’mma need to go shower so I’mma end this here. Go read for yourselves and then cry with me about why Bucky Barnes isn’t in our lives. 18+ readers only of course! 100% HOT. FUCKING. SMUT.

4. Under the Rainbow, Draga mea by @binkysteebnpewter | Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader Again, I don’t think there’s an official summary for this (pls correct me if I’m wrong @binkysteebnpewter) and YES, I KNOW i put this in my May recommendations but I finished reading the series in JUNE so it is HERE AGAIN and DESERVES to be HERE AGAIN BECAUSE WE LOVE FICS WITH 100% GAY SHIT AND LOVE <3 I am a fucking sucker for the love that Wanda and this Reader have together. If you’re not convinced, ask @wxstedhexrt how much I cried reading it lol. anyways an amazing series that I will continue to go back reading again and again because i LOVE wlw fics <3 

5. Oh no, that’s bad by @andyl394 | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader You’re a college student, you’re mad angry, Bucky ruins your paper, that’s not good is it? I read through this 20-part series like there was NO TOMORROW and god DAMN. We love hilarious social media AUs but this one really killed me. I always love Bucky who is soft and shy in fics but the Bucky in this fic was a LITTLE SHIT and i had so much ANGST. Anyways, if you read this fic, you may want to slap the characters BUT I PROMISE THERES AN ADORABLE HAPPY ENDING!!!! 100% INCREDIBLE

6. Home by @evanstush | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader It’s been 2 years since the last battle and it’s now Morgan’s 7th birthday, and well, Tony being Tony, he prepared a small party for her little girl, inviting everyone from the team, including you. So Kate decided to rip my heart out with this fic and have me on my knees sobbing so that’s cool. That’s it, that’s all I have to say. JK, this fic actually is like half and half FLUFF and ANGST but lord is it worth it. Kate, you know I adore you so much and your fics play a big part in why! God this girl deserves more love on these stories because holy shit I’m DEAD.

7. Baby Self by @honeyloverogers | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Alternative to Babies! Assemble, What if it was you that got turned into a baby instead? YALL WANT FUCKING FLUFF!?!?!?! 1000000000% FLUFFFFFFF AND CUTENESSSSSS (with like a little bit of a piece of shit lady who comes around but like its cool because a baby says fuck lol) THIS WAS A FIC WRITTEN LIKE NO OTHER. I LOVED IT SO MUCH. IT WAS SO PERFECT. Think of endgame and that moment when Scott turns into a baby??? Yeah now scratch that and think of Y/N if SHE turned into a baby and the avengers couldn’t figure out how to turn her back right away so now everyone has to take care of this baby HGOIDHFOISHFOISDHF the baby fever was so real in this fic ughhhhh <3 

8. Insecurities by @evanstush | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader You’re 7 months pregnant, and you can’t help be so insecure about some things. And here’s Kate again bringing me back to life with more wholesome fluff and a wholesome husband who loves his wife so fucking much and ugh i- i read this fic over and over sometimes and it just makes me realize how much i want this adhfoiasjdfoi <3 I aint pregnant but if I WAS i would want this steve to be comforting me ugh 103874203847% FLUFFFFFFF <3 

9. Requested fic (idk if it has a name??? sorry) by @donutloverxo | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Request: Hey, as for the headcanon requests how about Steve giving a lift to a girl in need when it's raining heavily or smth? I don't know where this idea came from 😅 Did yall need some confirmation that Sarah Rogers raised her son the fucking right way?!?!? WELL HERE YOU GO. THIS MANS OUT HERE BEING AN ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART <3 ugh we love wholesome drabbles really <3 amazing workkkkk!!!!!

10. Leather and Lace by @queen-kass-the-writer​ | Steve Rogers x AFuckingKickAssFem!OC :) Steve Rogers hardly expects anything to come out of a sleepy night at his new favorite dive bar until a pristinely dressed little lady saunters into the bar with a delicate smile but a wicked uppercut. Biker!Steve x Helena Alright so this is a little different than the above fics because THIS IS AN OC FIC :D now if any of yall know me I don’t tend to read OC fics HOWEVER Kass is INCREDIBLE at churning out fics. I had gave her an idea of a Biker Steve fic and like BAM she made it :O (seriously i don’t know how that is... to have an idea... and actually produce it?!??!) It’s a hilarious story of Biker Steve being head over heels Helena which is adorable (and a character named after me being Bucky’s shithead date lol hilarious) YALL BETTER READ THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT’S 100% WONDERFUL

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Okay so I know that this list is FAR shorter than my last recommendations list. I suckkkkked at reading fics this month lol. I’m definitely going to try and read more in July so here’s to hoping! Love you all a ton :D

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #fic recommendations #pies recommendations list #pies june recommendations #steve rogers x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #wanda maximoff x y/n

[netherlady]

I’m watching movies/TV shows I used to watch as a kid in the 90s. Specifically, non-Disney animated media. These are my thoughts as they come.

I’m on to a Filmation Associates film called Happily Ever After. It’s a continuation of what happened after the end of Snow White. I actually used to watch the Disney film and this one back-to-back because that’s how I felt things should be done.

Right off, the mirror is recounting Snow White’s story—but get this. The prince didn’t kiss Snow’s corpse to awaken her. With love in his heart, he touched her hand and it was enough to break the spell.

Can I just appreciate the fact they didn’t wanna be like kissing sleeping and/or dead people is okay if you’re supposedly in love with them. Not cool, charming.

Dom DeLuise is the mirror, and a shady bitch right off. Straight up is like lol I don’t know you.

This animation is beautiful, tho. Fluid, expressive, they’re all individual character desiiigggnnn.

Malcom McDowell is iconic in this. Also, adding the dimension that the Evil Queen has family—and not only that, but a good strong relationship to her brother? To the point that he doesn’t even know this Snow White situation other than what he’s heard from his sister over the years, day in day out, holy shit are you STILL talking about this fucking teenager give it a rest maybe? And when he learns that aforementioned teenager is RESPONSIBLE for the death of his beloved sister? No questions, not even any real monologuing; Lord Maliss really said just where is this pasty little fuck I’m gonna set fire to her entire goddamn life.

I never understood why the Bat felt sorry for the evil queen. Seriously, she spent a good week trying to murder a teenager and failed. Over vanity. Just.

Speaking of the whole teenager thing, Snow is supposed to be 14. In lore, and in the Disney film. The prince is over 18. Super not okay. However, the way Snow is animated in this film, she looks older, acts older, and is clearly not a child. She is also voiced by Irene Cara (yes, THAT Irene Cara), which lends an unmistakable maturity to her. I honestly think they mean for her to be older in this. 18 at least. And I appreciate that.

Also, damn is this child traumatized. In the span of a few months, she was nearly murdered by the huntsman, her step-mother (four times), resurrected from a hell-sleep, and when she and the love of her life finally have a moment’s peace, she gets carried off by a giant fucking dragon, chased into another dark and terrifying forrest, and her prince gets kidnapped.

Her prince looks like He-Man with red hair. By the way. That aside, my favorite moment of him is how they animated him watching Snow pick flowers for her dwarven friends. It’s not creepy or possessive. It’s so damn affectionate.

I love the dwarfelles, and every actress that voiced them. Fuck.

Low key, I always thought Sunburn and Muddy were married. Like, knew it, accepted it, moved on from it.

And again, the radical bops of 90s non-Disney animation. Gotta love this shit, sing about your feelings Thunderella.

Phyllis Diller as Mother Nature is also iconic. She is made of bitch. Good for her.

Remember when I said the Prince looked like He-Man? He got turned into Orko. I just saw it and i can’t unsee it now. Fuck.

Anyway, I always liked the Shadow Man, and while I did love that he was the prince, I also would have loved him being a separate entity. Idk.

Maliss is so fucking extra with the magic mirror, like “STFU YOU INSOLENT PIFFLE lol you right tho imma go sic demon wolves on this bitch brb”

The bat is supposed to be the moral one, right. Calling the owl, Scowl, out on his bullshit. Honestly, this bat is an asshole. Straight up a piece of shit.

Man, Snow really out here, fighting wolves, saving dwarfelle lives, being agile as hell. I think about the scene where she gets up in the morning and twirls in front of the dwarves’ mirror, happy to be safe somewhere she calls home. A lot. Like? This is the same bitch. It’s great.

There’s a lot of themes about vanity in this story. I find it so interesting that after being invited to travel with them by Snow, the prince, cursed like to be the shadow man, is so horrified at his new visage, he runs off in shame. In doing so, he leaves Snow vulnerable, and without her mystic companions—and she gets hella kidnapped by Maliss.

Who, again, is a competent villain. No speeches, no posturing, he transforms and grabs her while he has an opening. Like, Maliss legit did not fuck around.

Batso continues to be an asshole.

When Maliss/evil prince says ‘You will look out on this forever’, it always hits. I used to rewind this particular segment up here on the parapet a lot. I loved the betrayal, the final stand-off. But that? That moment? I think about that line on the daily still. Chilling.

The cloak came out of nowhere, but it’s no less terrifying.

Seriously, I want background on the cloak. We got a whole bullshit song out of the chain smoking owl, I wanna know where Maliss got this cloak, and if all the statues in his sister’s castle are because of it. That’s a fucking story.

Straight up, wtf does he do to the prince/shadow man with the eye beams. Like. Mad scary and super fucked up. Maliss is powerful AF, and he wanted the woman responsible for killing his sister to suffer so bad, he gets real angerblind real fast.

This movie went hard. Killed the prince and the dwarfelles right there. Like. They were banking hard that the Magic undo button with the death of the villain was gonna sell right.

I was always low key confused when Snow said she loved the shadow man ‘as dearly as the prince’ when she mourned him. I’m sure it was supposed to be a soulmate hand-wavey kind of thing, but still.

My brother used to make fun of the way she cried. Irene tried, okay.

Ah, yes, the 90s non-smoking PSA. Everyone had one. Now with more owl.

Happily Ever After. I wouldn’t blame Snow if she legit had a guard who’s only job was to test her food and clothing for poisons, and another to watch the sky for fucking dragons for the rest of her life.

I loved watching this again. I forgot how much I loved it. The cast is huge and stellar, with a ton of legends. And the pop ballad at the end is, of course, performed by Irene Cara.

There’s only three songs in this whole thing, and the pop song at the end. I always wished there were more.

Either way. I loved this movie as a kid. Next time I’ll probably watch the Princess and the Goblin.

#things involving me #happily ever after #non disney #90s animation #90s nostalgia #snow white #malcolm mcdowell #irene cara #phyllis diller #dom deluise #i review things for fun

[deans-baby-momma]

The Padackles Link-Chapter 97

Jared's POV

‘Today's outing was fun,’ I think as I watch my extended family enter into the rental. The kids enjoyed the boat ride and seeing my oldest son get excited when he spotted the manta ray made my heart soar. 

The kids were all excited even after we disembarked from the boat, wanting to try and see everything. Even while we were eating, their eyes were taking as much in as they could.

It didn't take much persuasion to get them changed and bedded down so when Drea suggested we test out the hot tub, who was I to refuse? But there was only one problem.

"Pregnant women are advised not to get in one," I tell her but she just smiles that gorgeous smile of hers.

"So," she shrugs. "I won't submerge my whole body. Just me feet…..doesn't stop you all from enjoying it."

I swear the woman has an answer for everything! My heart swells at knowing the mother of my third child is so smart, so knowledgeable and can resolve any problems. 

I watch as Gen strips from her clothes and walks across the room in her birthday suit and I have to admit, my wife is sexy as hell! She is exactly who I dreamed of when I thought of who I would marry and spend my life with.

She has given me two handsome sons and I couldn't be more grateful. After Shep was born though and she developed the bleeding disorder, I know she was scared I would leave her, that she was inferior as a woman because part of her was missing.

But that was the furthest thing from the truth. She is the love of my life and I don't think any less of her. We had two sons, who said we needed more?

But of course, after Danneel gave birth to her and Jay's daughter and then Drea gave birth to Jackson, that baby fever bug bit into Genevieve.

Many nights I comforted her cries as she sobbed for another chance, another shot at being a mother. 

When Gen had first brought up the idea of asking Drea to be a surrogate for us, I was against it. Yes, we'd have another child but she wouldn't be the one carrying it and nurturing it as he or she grew. 

But my wife assured me she didn't have a problem of missing out on those aspects. "Padaleckis are big babies and I really am not going to miss pushing another out of my vagina." She told me.

So we decided to broach the subject with Drea and Jensen. Of course at first he was totally abhorred at the idea until once again, my beautiful wife explained the more clinical side of the procedures of in vitro fertilization.

At that original meeting, none of us were wise to the fact that the injections would fail and now here we are almost a year later, with Drea impregnated by me and the four of us are what is considered swingers. 

My, how life can throw curve balls out of nowhere. But I wouldn't change a single thing. I have my gorgeous wife, my best friend and his...well, she might as well be his wife if he'd just man up and ask her, are all in a committed, sexual relationship. 

"You ready?" Gen breaks into my train of thought. She dons the same yellow string bikini from a few days ago; the one that makes my dick twitch at the sight. A towel lays over her arm as she opens the bedroom door and sashays out. 

"Down boy," I chastise my responsive cock as I watch her hips swing. "Later, we'll pound that pussy good."

The situation in my trunks isn't helped any when we get outside and Drea is sitting there, kicking her feet through the water while talking to Jay. 

Have her boobs grown overnight? They look to be almost overflowing the cups of her swimsuit. And that bump! Her one-piece fits snug against it, making evident that she is pregnant.  She is carrying my child.

Gen and I both slip into the jacuzzi opposite her and Jay.

"Oh my god." I say as the jets begin drumming against my muscles. "Wow,  this is amazing.  We need to look into getting one."

Silence follows as we all enjoy the reverberations against our tired and sore bodies. 

I lift my head and smirk at Jensen. "So 'cheeseburger'?"

I can tell by his smirk in response that he knows exactly what I'm referring to.

“Like I don’t know where ‘salad’ came from? Yea, that’s right. I know what your safe word is too. Got some Sammy Winchester vibes going on in the bedroom huh?”

“So do you Dean. I can’t believe you picked cheeseburger as a safe word,” Jared shakes his head at the absurdity of the subject.

We all take a moment to laugh and then I remember something I'd been meaning to bring up to my co-star since we filmed the final episode.

“Speaking of the Winchesters, I've been thinking. How are they going to explain that Dean actually killed Death? Death is death, you know." I slide away from Gen and closer to Jay.

We discuss the show for a while when something catches my attention. I look from my friend across the water to see the girls caught up in a sensual kiss.

“Holy shit. Looks like we’re going to get a show.” I say, smacking my hand on Jay's chest.

But before it goes any further, Gen pulls away and turns to stare at me. There is an agitation in her glare. 

She turns back to Drea and speaks, “Sorry Drea. Just not in the mood tonight. I’m tired.”

I watch in shock as she climbs out of the water, wraps a towel around her and walks into the bungalow.

“What the fuck was that about? Man, what did you do?” Jay asks, looking at me. “If looks could kill….”

“Nothing that I know of,” I shrug but then it dawns on me. “Shit, what date is it?”

Drea tells me and I nod. “I think it would be almost time for Aunt Flo. She always gets bitchy around then.”

“I’ll go talk to her. Woman to woman," Drea says as she stands up and follows her inside.

"Dude, if I didn't know better,  I'd think Gen despised you. Man, the fire in her eyes," Jay says as he shakes his head and chuckles. "I'm just glad I wasn't on the receiving end of that."

"Yea. Since she had Shep and all that happened, her periods are harder on her. Just give her some space for a little while is what I've learned."

"Are we seriously sitting here talking about menstrual cycles?" Jay laughs out. "Want a beer?"

"Sure."

Gen is sitting up in bed when I walk into the room. She's changed into her pjs but still looking sexy and beautiful. 

Her dark hair is loose around her shoulders and is just a picture of perfection in my eyes.

I, as well as the monster in my shorts, am really hoping she doesn't refuse me like she did Drea. 

"Hey baby," I say as I pull my swim trunks off, my hard cock slapping against my belly. I've always slept in the nude so I climb into bed and go to cuddle against her.

Gen moves and slips out of bed before I can get a good grip on her lithe body.

Ok, surprising but maybe she's cramping. But when she turns toward me I can tell something is bothering her.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"Why don't you just go kick Jensen out of bed and fuck Drea? She's who you want!"

"What?!" I am dazed. Where is this coming from? "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb Jared Tristan!" She yells. "I'm not stupid. You want Drea! You've always wanted Drea. Man, I should've seen it. You were so willing to fuck a kid into her. Maybe I am the idiot. I played right into it. 

"Oh I bet you just loved that threesome we had. You had her and me there willing to let you fuck us both."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" I yelled, pissed that she was not only belittling herself but making what we were doing into some torrid affair. "YOU WANTED DREA TOO ! I take a breathe and lower my voice, although I'm still radiating with anger. “If anyone should be upset, it’s me! You fucking Drea isn’t a means to an end! No, that is just for your pleasure!

 "You wanted another baby and you were the one to choose Drea, not me. When we started this, it was the only way to get her pregnant Nothing else was working so I fucked a baby into her, FOR YOU! 

“Sex with Drea was just to give you what you wanted, what you desired. IT had to happen to get a baby. But you and her fucking didn’t have to happen. Rubbing your pussies together isn’t going to put a baby in her. Not that was for your gratification.This-" I point to my now flaccid dick. "-was needed. "

She opens her mouth to respond but there is a knock on the door. Gen moves to open the door and I jump into the ensuite to pull on a pair of shorts. Sure Drea has seen me naked and I'm positive Jensen has but right now didn't call for that.

Zipping them up over my now completely flaccid member, I can hear Jay's voice.  "It is her business,  he said. "You guys are fighting and her name was brought up so I think it the fuck is her-our- business. 

"Now what the hell is going on?" The tone of his voice tells me there is no getting out of this. What was once an argument between two people now involves four.

I walk back into the room and step up behind Gen. 

"Let's take it outside so we don't wake the kids."

I follow as Drea, Jensen then Gen head toward the back patio. I can't help but stare at the back of Gen's head,  trying to figure out how in the world I'd want Drea over her.

As soon as everyone is settled around the table, Jay runs his hands through his hair.

"So this isn't going to work. I thought we were all in agreement; no one would feel betrayed or left out. What happened?" 

All eyes turn toward me and I shrug. I glance Gen's way and she is sitting there silently scowling at the whole situation.

"We each said that feelings wouldn't get hurt and no one would feel betrayed and left out when we starting fucking each other separately. So, I don't understand what happened. Can someone please explain it?" Drea pleads.

That's all it takes for Gen to explode. She is practically vibrating as she sneers. "What happened?! Like you don't fucking know!" 

Drea looks taken aback and hurt by Gen's accusation. "What are you talking about?" I ask, honestly confused. "What did I do?"

But what Gen accuses of happening leaves me speechless. And when she pulls out her phone and shows us the social media post, I am appalled. 

Gen knows that the media and some fans like to stir up conflict and we've always known not to take anything that is put online to heart. No one knows our lives,  they can only speculate and guess.

It is Jensen who speaks and reminds her not to pay attention to the shit put on the internet. He reminds her that he himself has hugged on her in public.

He also gives his point of view on how I acted today, treating Drea with kid gloves.

I take her hand and thankfully she doesn't pull away. 

"He's right babe," I tell her, gently squeezing  her hand. "I love you so much. I would never do anything to ruin what we've worked so hard for. You are my wife and I love that you are the one I get to grow old with."

Gen looks around the table at each of us and the sighs. "I just think we all need to consider everyone's feelings when we're out in public. But I'm done with this. I'm going to bed."

Once again I watch as my wife leaves me behind with our friends as I try to figure out what she means by being 'done with this'. 

Is she calling the whole swinging relationship off? Are we supposed to go back to just being friends? What about the baby in Drea's womb? 

Jay and Drea head off to bed not long after and leave me on the back patio, contemplating how life got so fucked up.

END JARED'S POV

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @carryonmywaywardcaptain​  @darlingpeanut​ @sunskittlex​ @sea040561​ @pretty-fortune​ @squirrelnotsam​  @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​  @internationalmusicteacher​ @kricketc29​ @natura1phenomenon​ @mannls​  @nickie-amore​ @spn-tw-37​ @frozenhuntress67​ @blacktithe7​ @supernaturallymarvellous​ @thetardishasaquidditchpitch​ @sirod-30​  @heyitscam99​ @smoothdogsgirl​  @i-just-wanna-run-hell​ @paintballkid711​ @closetspngirl​ @starfirerules​ @vickiq9761​  @rainflowermoon​  @spnbaby-67​ @drakelover78​ @jessieray98​ @81mysteriouslyme​ @travelingriversideblues-x​ @akshi8278​ @keymology​ @topthis808​ @lilulo-12​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @i-love-superhero​ @tftumblin​ @markofdean79​ @thevelvetseries​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @midsummereve1993​ @atc74​

#the padackles link #quite possibly the longest fic #on this hellsite #i'll keep going #if you want it #sick of tags though

[empresskaze]

Reactions to RQG 174

Even though the episode has gone public I'm still putting everything under the cut because HOLY SHIT. Obviously MASSIVE spoilers under. Also cw cuz I describe death a bit.

Ok so before the episode aired, for a week everyone in EA on discord was speculating who was going to die. I mean it was evident based on the last few mins of 173 and because Alex is terrible.

Most of us considered none of the PCs would die because only Azu had been actively thrown over board and she has loadsa hitpoints™️. It's actually funny that they figured Helen hurt Azu more jumping out of the carriage voluntarily then Alex did throwing her off a crashing airship.

Also SO MANY DICE. JESUS. And the quiet while Alex was rolling all his NPCs, I mean it added to the already tense situation cuz obviously we can't see anything but hearing Ben/Lydia/Helen/Bryn reacting to Alex's facial expressions was hard.

When Alex started listing who was tossed I was like oh oh oh no oh no. Kobolds, Barnes, Carter AND WILDE MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BARD. Apparently Wilde rolled a nat 1...which meant he was thrown higher and farther than anyone. My heart sank but I held out hope...

THEN ALEX PUTS THEM IN INITATIVE ORDER BECAUSE HE'S HORRIBLE!

Azu seeing Barnes IMPALED IN A TREE and Carter unconscious with him. Hamid running to the kobold lumps in the snow. Zolf running to Wilde (shit I'm getting emotional again). Azu casting (I forgot the spell but basically healing) and Barnes coming too while Carter doesn't. Hamid digging for the kobolds (who have 8 hp...) finding Sassraa and Meerk dead.

Zolf...finding Wilde impaled on part of the ship, dead.

Fam, I'm not gonna lie, I started balling. I physically stopped the podcast and went into the bathroom to cry. Wilde is my fave character has been since Damascus and we had so many questions!!!!! And now thanks to the nat 1, he was dead.

I hadn't been liveblogging because I started the episode after it appeared on Patreon and when I got to that part mostly all of EA had finished it. I started saying how I'd gotten to Wilde's death and didn't know if I could continue the episode I was that upset. I couldn't even type. The RQ discord is so great, everyone in EA gave me hugs and said try to make it to the end of the episode so I said I would.

I'm not going to keep play by playing the episode because it would take too long but scenes that just wrecked me aside from Wilde dying.

Cel running to the deck, seeing all the chaos and saying "no no not again" to themself! CEL WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE???

Zolf telling Cel "I'm not strong enough" when Cel asks if Zolf can cast rez. BEN'S SOFT ZOLF VOICE MURDERED ME.

THE ENTIRE HAMID/AZU CONVERSION IN THE SNOW. HOW THEY'D BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. BRYN HAVING HAMID CRY, MR MONROE HOW DARE YOU. Bryn admitted in chat he cried listening to himself in 174, his performance was amazing.

Carter dying, legit did not expect him. He's a pain in the ass but damnit he's still a fun character.

Ok. So I made it to the end of the episode and with Eagle Druid lady showing up, I trust Alex. Helen even said the 4 of them asked Alex specifically about Wilde because of the parallels to the real Oscar Wilde and Alex told them to trust him, so I do. I hope they all can come back but Wilde needs to because LORE.

I've never reacted this way to a podcast, not even TMA 170 made me cry, I only teared up. Hell I don't remember the last time any piece of media like this. This was uncontrollably sobbing over NPCs that I'm overly attached too. Beholding today was actually pretty cathartic because you got to see eveyone else react and you knew the ending was coming.

Sadly next week starts the Halloween specials so it'll be a MONTH before 175....

Fuck.

RQG is definitely a podcast.

#Rqg #Alex make it right please #That's my emotional support NPC #Kaze thoughts #Rqg spoilers

[freddiesaysalright]

For the Hallo-QUEEN celebration... what if Reader and Lucy were actual witches attending a Halloween party and laughing/rolling their eyes everytime they're told a cliché fact about witches? (D6, D18, D38) Happy Hallo-QUEEN! :)

This took a slightly different direction since I wanted to have them actually using magic! Hope you like it, love :)

D6 Black cats just get a bad rep. D18 Ugh, I hate Halloween. D38 You’ve got the costume on. Get into character.

“Ugh, I hate Halloween,” you complained as you and Lucy climbed the steps to Joe’s front door.

“I know, love, but we both adore Joe, and we promised to come to his party,” she reminded you. 

“I do love our costumes,” you said with a small laugh.

Ironically, you’d dressed as witches. You both loved to do this because hearing all the little cliches about witches - especially on Halloween - entertained you. You generally didn’t like Halloween because so many were misinformed about witches and that came out in horror movies and other media.

Joe let you in. The party was in full swing, and you and Lucy went first to the kitchen. You greeted Ben, who was talking to a woman you didn’t know. She introduced herself as Mary. But as he was hugging Lucy, you saw Mary slip something into his drink. Before Ben could pick up the drink again, you cast a silent vanishing spell, making all of it disappear. She blinked in surprise and when Ben picked up the cup, his brow furrowed.

“Oh, guess I finished this,” he said.

She smiled at him. “I’ll get you another!”

“Here, just take mine, Joe’s getting Lucy one and we can share,” you said, forcing your cup into Ben’s hand.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said. “Cheers.”

You leaned over to Lucy to whisper in her ear. “Keep an eye on that girl. She’s got dangerous sights on Ben.”

Lucy nodded, shooting Mary a glare. Joe arrived, handing Lucy her drink.

“So, where’s your black cat?” he joked.

You rolled your eyes. The cliches again.

“We don’t have one,” you replied. “Besides, black cats just get a bad rep.”

Lucy nodded in agreement. Gwilym approached and greeted you warmly with hugs and cheek kisses. You chatted for a while, all while keeping watch on Mary, whose hungry eyes were fixed on Ben as he reunited with Gwilym. This time, she came up and hung on his arm. She brought her hand to his, but you saw a little pill between her fingers. Lucy actually spotted it before you, and she stealthily summoned it. Then, she winked at you as she tucked it into her sleeve. You both watched as Mary glanced down and realized - with confusion - that the roofie was gone. She looked on the floor, couldn’t find it, and huffed in frustration.

“So, why do you guys dress as witches every year?” Joe wondered.

“We’re nothing if not traditional,” you replied cheekily, and everyone chuckled.

“Can you show us a magic trick?” Gwilym teased.

“Oh, don’t be silly, we can’t -”

“We’ve got the costumes on,” Lucy said lightly, but subtly nudging you to look at Ben. “Get into character.”

You saw now that Mary was offering Ben a piece of candy. You were certain it had something in it. 

“Mary!” Lucy said. “Come here! Can we use you for a little trick?”

“You can share your treats afterward,” you added with a fake smile.

Hesitantly, she approached. 

“Hold out the candy,” Lucy instructed her. “In an open palm.”

She looked warily at the pair of you but obeyed. You swiped your hand over the candy, making it disappear, and your friends showed they were impressed. Then, Lucy made it look like she pulled it out of Mary’s ear. The boys laughed and clapped for you. You took the candy, and started to unwrap it.

“I think we’ve earned a sweet,” you said, and then turned eyes on Mary, as you opened your mouth to eat it.

“Wait!” she cried, reaching toward the candy, but you snatched it away.

“What’s the matter?” Lucy snapped at her. “Afraid one of these is going to the wrong person?”

She pulled the roofie she’d saved from her sleeve and showed it to everyone.

“Holy shit…” Ben said under his breath.

“Yeah, she’s been trying to slip them to you since we arrived,” you said.

Mary’s face was red with humiliation. Before anyone could say anything else, she ran for it, leaving the kitchen, and you and Lucy watched her exit through the front door. Then you looked at Ben.

“Are you okay?” you asked him.

“Yeah, I think so,” he replied, looking shaken. “How’d you guys know?”

“We saw her keep trying,” Lucy explained.

“How’d you stop her?” Joe asked.

You and Lucy shared a knowing glance.

“Oh,” she said with a shrug. “With a little magic.”

You giggled together. Sometimes, being a witch was exhausting, especially when people understood so little. But, when you were able to protect your friends, it was well worth it.

#Lucy Boynton #lucy boyton x reader #lucy boynton x you #lucy boynton imagine #BoRhap #BoRhap cast #borhap boys #borhap imagine #borhap cast imagine #borhap cast x reader #ben hardy #gwilym lee #joe mazzello #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody imagine #hallow-queen #justapurrcat

[metalbatandzenko]

All of them. All the questions.

oof

1. Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I have sliding doors on my closet so it’s one open one closed.

2. Do You Have Freckles?

Nope!

3. Can You Whistle?

Nope (:

4. Last Song You Listened To.

I...don’t remember lmao, I think it was 6 Inch by Beyonce

5. What Is Your Favorite Color?

I don’t know if I have one tbh.

6. Relationship Status.

Currently juggling seven reply guys bc rona has everyone acting out of line, but single.

7. What Is The Temperature Right Now?

46º

8. Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Yes sdkjfhdlkf

9. How Many Followers?

215.

10. Zodiac Sign.

Aries/Aries/Cancer.

11. What Is Your Eye Color?

Brown.

12. Take A Vitamin Daily?

No.

13. Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yes, usually it’s Mitski or songs from musicals because you know. Former theater kid.

14. What Books Are You Reading?

The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch.

15. Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“As in earlier days” from the poem The Walk by Thomas Hardy

16. Favorite Anime?

OPM is the only anime I watch. Being Japanese American and fem aligned means having. Not great associations with anime tbh.

17. Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried in front of someone

WAIT YES I DO

It was November 23rd and my little cousin and I watched Over the Garden Wall. Both of us cried at the end.

18. Do You Collect Anything?

I have a knife collection and an old rock collection from when I was younger. I also unintentionally have a major makeup collection. My lipstick collection is borderline embarrassing. In my defense it started in 7th grade.

19. What Did You Have For Lunch?

I uh. I didn’t have lunch skfjhdsljfh

20. Do You Dance In The Car?

I do!

21. Favorite Animal?

Dude I fucking love crows.

22. Do You Watch The Olympics?

Some of them! My mom was really athletic growing up (as in one of those kids that plays a sport every season in high school), so she watches a lot of them. We tend to watch figure skating (which I know little about but have strong opinions on), gymnastics, synchronized swimming, track, and judo.

23. What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Usually I’m in bed by 11 but I don’t go to sleep until 2am. Recently I’ve been getting to sleep at 7am.

24. Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

It is currently three in the morning so no akslkjsahd

25. Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Ocean. I grew up in Northern California near the coast, and now I’m in a landlocked state. And you can kind of feel it, you know? The air doesn’t smell like salt and redwoods, the mountains aren’t there to hold up the sky so you just feel it pressing down on your chest. I miss the ocean.

26. Favorite Tumblr Blog?

I don’t know if I have a favorite. erikkillmongerdontpullout is funny and insightful, and I love dostoevskydocs’ poetry compilations.

27. Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

I grew up somewhere with access to really good tap water, so I’ll go with that.

28. What Makes You Happy?

Writing, spending time with friends, the feeling of dappled sunlight through the tree canopy.

29. Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

30. Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

With :)

31. Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs but I love cats too!

32. If You Were A Crayon What Color Would You Be?

Moss green!

33. PlayStation Or Xbox.

Xbox.

34. Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean. I don’t trust lakes.

35. Do You Believe In Magic?

I believe in the supernatural, I don’t know if magic’s the right word. It’s more like a belief that there’s something more to the world than what we’re able to perceive. 

36. What Color Shirt Are You Wearing?

Charcoal grey.

37. Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes! I can also make my tongue into a clover.

38. Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

A bit of both. I can be pretty frugal when I’m by myself but I inherited the need to pay for everything for my friends from my mom, so if my friends are around, I will try to muscle my way into paying for everything. This is usually unsuccessful bc my friends are in the same boat.

39. Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yes. I’ve got a pink water bottle on my bedstand.

40. Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

I mean. OPM lkjshdflkjdh I’ve been hyperfixating on it, but I also am pretty obsessed with OTGW (I have been for years).

41. Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

No but I’ve had a few land on me.

42. Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Depends on the person. Overall, I’d say no, but my friends have significant sway over me.

43. Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yes.

44. Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

I actually do. But only for short flights. Anything longer than 4 hours makes my body really hurt.

45. Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Moana.

46. Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds!

47. If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

Orville Peck or Carseat Headrest.

48. Are You A Picky Eater?

Nope!

49. Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Yeah.

50. Do You Fear Thunder/Lightning?

No, I actually love them. I sleep best when it’s thundering.

51. Do You Like To Read/Write?

Yes to both. I’m a Creative Writing major so dkljfhljkdf

52. Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yeah! Though not as loud as some people, my ears are sensitive.

53. Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents. I’m not a big fan of the smell of pumpkin, and wrapping presents is a tradition for my mom, brother and I. We’d put on some music, drink some hot chocolate, and wrap as many as possible. Then my brother and I would smuggle some wrapping paper to our rooms and wrap our mom’s gift.

54. Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Somebody that I Used to Know-Gotye (listen the song still slaps)

55. What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winter/Spring transition. It hailed for 15 minutes straight yesterday.

56. What Are You Craving Right Now?

A popeyes 5 piece spicy chicken meal with fries and ranch. Can you tell I’ve thought about this?

57. Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

I don’t wanna.

58. What Is Your Gender?

Nonbinary, but vaguely girl adjacent. 

59. Coffee Or Tea?

I think coffee. I drink more tea, but I also drink exclusively green tea and chai (like the traditional chai made with milk not the chai teabags) and I really am not a black/white/earl grey tea person.

60. Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

OOF Yeah I do

I’ve got a thousand word readers response to “The Other Boat” by E. M. Foster, a one thousand word journal about WWI, a reflective journal check in and a powerpoint I have to make for Sense and Sensibility for Brit Lit and I also am tutoring a few of my classmates

In my biological anthropology class I’ve got a Unit Exam and a few lectures to watch

For my internship/Teachers Assistant position I’ve got 17 10 page rough drafts to read and give in depth comments on as well as a portfolio I have to assemble for next year’s TA bc I’m transferring, phone meetings with the 17 students who wrote those rough drafts, and I’ve gotta compile some resources for my professor

I need to finish my memoir for my independent study and I have to present. my nonfiction memoir. to my classmates. on Zoom. I’m one of two people doing a nonfiction memoir for their independent study the rest are doing fiction, poetry or a literary analysis paper so like. My classmates are gonna be talking about their fiction piece and then I’m gonna be giving a 15 minute reading and Q&A about a piece that focuses on my trauma and being hate crimed so that’s fun.

I also gotta get some stuff done for my school’s lit magazine.

61. What Is Your Sexuality?

A known bisexual™

62. Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

I try to but I forget.

63. Favorite Pokémon?

Togepi, Blissey and Togekiss.

64. Favorite Social Media?

I hate to say it but it’s tumblr.

65. What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

If it’s longer than six stories, I’m not watching it. Unless I know they’re gonna be fun or we’re really close then I will.

66. Do You Get Homesick?

A bit. I’m still really homesick for my hometown tbh because that’s where all my family except for my parents are. I’m really close with my extended family, so being isolated from them feels like there’s an emptiness at my side.

67. Are You A Virgin?

No.

68. What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Redken Frizz Dismiss. I got those big fucking bottles you can get at Ulta where it’s like a gallon of shampoo so I haven’t had to buy any in over a year.

69. If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

I’ve slept in my car before and I will do so again most likely. Also $60 is too much to spend for a motel room.

70. Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes. Though I’m much closer to my mom than my dad.

71. Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Idk shit about movies tbh.

72. Do You Miss Your Ex?

One of them yes, the others no. But the one I miss I also acknowledge is someone who had their place in my life at the time and helped me through some rough shit, but no longer has a place in my life. I appreciate the hell out of him though, and we’re on good terms.

73. What Is Your Favorite Quote Right Now?

I’ve got two!

“I don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth” –Ophelia, Hamlet

and

"Suffering feels religious if you do it right." –Chelsea Hodson

74.  What Eye Color Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown. Especially the almost black-brown eyes.

75. Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Yes to both.

76. What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Chocolate covered pretzels ljhflfsd

77. What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Toon Blast and 2048.

78. Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Holy shit I hate this question. Yes, of course I would. I don’t know why mentioning that the person is homeless is relevant. Homeless people are not somehow less worthy of CPR?? What the fuck.

79. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

...yes

80. Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

I’ve briefly skimmed over someone’s page after meeting them but I don’t lurk.

81. Do You Like Meeting New People?

Depends on my mood.

82. Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

I hate my hands so this was pushing it.

83. Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed.

84. What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Corrected papers, walked my dog, did some writing.

85. What Do You Wear To Bed?

T-shirt and shorts.

86. List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

Dude I can’t do that I have too many, I’ve been buying makeup for 7 years and I used to work next to a sephora

My makeup routine pre-rona was:

Sephora brand moisturizer

Milk Hydrogrip primer

Fenty Pro Filtr Hydrating Foundation

Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer

Anastasia Brow Definer

Glossier Cloud Paint

Fenty Sunstalkr Bronzer

Fenty Liquid Flyliner

Fenty Flypencil

Fenty Full Frontal Mascara

Fenty Glossbomb

It’s...an expensive routine.

87. Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night to early morning.

88. List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

I answered this one and I don’t want to reanswer it tbh ldkjfhds

89. Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I genuinely can’t remember any of my dreams right now. I remember a snippet of one where I was in a cave and I looked at the wall and I could see water running down it, reflecting in the torchlight but that’s literally it.

90. Favorite Soda Drink?

I’m a big pomegranate person, so Italian soda’s my go to.

91. What Sounds Are Your Favorite?

The sizzle of meat hitting a hot wok, rain, hail, thunder, the crunch of dry leaves. I also love the sound of Simone de Rochefort’s laugh. It’s so good.

92. Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.

93. How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty.

94. Name Something That Relaxes You.

Skyrim ldskjfhd

95. What Tattoo Do You Want?

I really want to get my family’s mon on my ribcage and my mom’s Japanese name somewhere. I don’t know how my pain tolerance is but if I can handle it, I’d want to get at least a partial sleeve.

96. Favorite YouTuber?

Polygon and Watcher.

[ilovemyships]

unruly hearts week - day one (favorite character)

alyssa greene 

prepare for a (spoilery) ramble! cause that’s what i do best!

okay, so, for me alyssa is my favorite character because i see myself at 15 - scared and in the closet - in her. the difference is alyssa has a girlfriend and also really great hair while i had neither. but i think she’s one of the most relatable characters in the whole show.

her character arc is one of the most important in the show - she starts out terrified; sneaking glances at emma from a distance and jumping out of her skin when her mother nearly catches them holding hands in the hallway. she has her back turned to emma at the start of “dance with you”, and then when emma begins the chorus, she takes a deep breath and her whole body starts to relax.

(as an aside, last month i had the absolute privilege of somehow seeing the prom from the front row of the orchestra and izzy’s physical choices actually killed me so this is as much of an izzy mccalla appreciation as it is an alyssa greene one.)

alyssa lives in fear, and in longing, and in a feeling of entrapment - but the one thing that grounds her is emma. more on that come day five. but my point is that in act one, alyssa is at her bravest when she has emma beside her. she plans to come out with emma at prom, even though she’s scared, because when it’s the two of them together she feels so much stronger.

when she gets tricked into the whole fake prom scenario by her mother and her so-called best friends, that rips the ground from under her. she pieces together what must be happening to emma, and then gets told that kaylee and shelby know about her relationship with emma, and that’s why she wasn’t let in on the secret.

the horror she feels in that moment overwhelms her. i think a lot of us have had a moment like that - where you suddenly find out that someone knows about you, without your permission. all the bravery she’d had is gone; and so she goes to the thing that grounds her. she calls emma.

but emma is hurting and alone, too, and she doesn’t believe that alyssa had nothing to do with the utter humiliation she’s being put through right now. she asks alyssa to come and meet her, and alyssa wants to. she wants to be with emma, so that they can comfort each other, but the thought of one more person knowing her biggest secret right now is too much to bear. when faced with the prospect of telling her mother she’s gay, the words just rush out.

“i can’t! it’s bad enough that kaylee and shelby know!”

she doesn’t mean it like that, obviously, but she’s panicking. the music is too loud, the crowd is too stifling, her mother’s stare is too intense. and to top it all off, she’s probably just ruined her relationship with emma.

come act two, and we see a very different side to alyssa. she is finally able to let out some of her frustration at her mother, and the way her life is, through the song “alyssa greene”. the song starts with a very military-style feel which slows and breaks away on the line, “and you wish there was a world where you were simply free to live.”

i would like to point out at this moment that miss izzy mccalla is the master of simultaneously crying and singing and it is very very upsetting to watch. thank you izzy for making me cry, and then for sympathetically laughing at me when i told you that you made me cry simply by crying yourself.

as soon as the music transforms, and alyssa starts singing about how she wishes she could be, we see the very core of her character. she feels like she always caves in, and she is sick of it.

“you’re not yourself, you’re not what she wants, you’re someone in between.”

she comes to a realization here, i think, that she can’t continue on as she has been. because she can be one of two people: she can be the person she wants herself to be, or she can be the person her mother wants her to be. right now, she’s neither - and so something has to change.

but when emma asks her if she’ll go public with her, all alyssa can say is that she wants to. because she does, more than anything, but in her mind she still can’t. and emma breaks up with her, as much as it’s clearly killing her to do so, because everything is too painful right now.

and alyssa cries.

and i cry.

when we as the audience next see alyssa, she’s watching emma’s “unruly heart” video - and has been non-stop, if mrs greene’s comments are any indication. this video inspires her so much, and she can see all the support emma is getting because of it. and maybe she’s starting to believe that she can do this, too.

so, she takes a breath. and she tries to come out to her mother. 

it’s interesting to note that in the broadway version, this scene actually isn’t the first time alyssa tries to come out to her mom. during “tonight belongs to you” she tries to tell her mother what’s going to happen, but she gets shut down. because mrs greene definitely knows that her daughter is gay, but she really really really does not want to confront that fact.

here, alyssa tries to come out again.

“mom, we have to talk about what’s really going on here. we can’t keep avoiding this just because it’s uncomfortable. i love you, and the stupid thing is that--”

once again, she is promptly shut down. her mother yells at her to stop, and grabs her by the arms, and possibly for the first time alyssa recoils. mrs greene pushes her too far, and alyssa finally, well and truly, stands up for herself. and although she’s been watching emma’s video non-stop, she does this all on her own, without emma holding her hand.

she tells her mother that she doesn’t want to be a part of her shit anymore, and storms off, and as an audience member i’ve never been prouder. (until her next scene, anyway).

speaking of, when alyssa comes into the gym not long after to find her mother once again spreading hatred and ignorance, she can’t take it anymore. she’s scared, yes, but she’s starting to realize just how brave she can be. so she tells her mother to listen, and she delivers this beautiful little speech about how much better it is to be yourself even though it can be hard.

“i don’t want to hurt you. i don’t want to hurt anyone, i just... wanna be me.”

and this is what alyssa’s character comes down to. she never wants to be somebody that causes pain but, at the same time, now she won’t let anyone stand in the way of her becoming who she is. i feel like maybe, for a while, alyssa very much repressed the idea of being gay. she didn’t want to be herself. but over time, and probably with some help from emma, she found that truly being herself was the thing she actually wanted most in the world.

and with her public declaration of love for emma, she does it.

emma says “holy shit” and so do i, because wow you guys, this was the part that i started sobbing and never looked back.

alyssa is honest with her mother, her life is already hard no matter what she tries to protect her from, and with the promise of a talk later - alyssa watches her mother go. she’s still slightly in shock, but it gives way to the giddiest kind of relief once emma points out that she just came out in front of everyone.

and then we all know what happens next. she and emma get their dance, and they get their kiss in front of everyone - also, their kiss is literally the climactic moment of the entire show which is something i think i’d only dreamed of ever seeing in a musical - and yes i’m still sobbing at this point, why do you ask?

my point in a nutshell is that alyssa grows so much over the course of the show, through a combination of book, score, direction and acting - and it’s incredible to watch. emma may arguably be the main character of the prom, but alyssa is just as much of the heart of the show as her girlfriend, and izzy mccalla definitely doesn’t let you forget it.

so thank you, alyssa greene, for being a character that so many people can see themselves in and finally feel represented. because feeling seen in the media and art you consume is so important. again, i’ll probably have more to say on that specific point later in the week, but i feel like this post is already way too long. can you believe i sat down at my laptop ready to write out some bullet point headcanons?

#unrulyheartsweek #the prom #the prom musical

[jjoelswatch]

Avengers: Endgame spoilers under the cut.

I’ll start this by saying that the movie is about a 8.5 or 9 out of 10 for me, personally, and only one thing really hit it down from being a 10/10. I got in to Marvel about nine or ten years ago, and the first Avengers movie really lured me in for life. I’ve met so many friends through these characters. These characters all mean so much to me because the early parts of this decade were probably my hardest (I hope) in dealing with depression and anxiety, and watching and reading and writing through these various characters’ struggles and victories made my own struggles more bearable. And while I know Marvel movies aren’t ending, for the majority of the characters I’ve come to know and love, their stories on film have come to an end. It’s difficult to not be emotional over it or feel passionate one way or another in how their stories have come to a close. Mostly, I’m just really grateful that someone convinced me to watch Iron Man all those years ago, because I think my life and the people I know and care about would all be very, very different.

With all that being said, here are my not-very-sorted thoughts after two viewings of the film.

What I liked:

That cold open. Man. Chilling.

Nebula and Tony playing that little game in the ship. It showcased really well Tony’s parental aspects and also something Nebula desperately needed (no manipulations, no tricks, just bonding time). I wish we got to see more of those two. 

Movie luring you into a false sense of security with Tony and Steve seemingly making amends right after his rescue but then Tony has that mental breakdown and lashes out at Steve. That was raw and painful and so, so good. A quality scene tbh.

Steve leading a survivor’s therapy group. Really trying to live on in Sam’s spirit, I feel.

Steve offering to cook for Natasha.

Scott Lang arriving at the New Avengers compound.

The small, human interactions with Natasha. The scene where she, Tony, and Bruce are lounging around brainstorming and she's like, "if we pick the right time, there's three stones on Earth" and the two smartest Avengers are like :0 whoa she’s right.

On that note, we get to see a vulnerability to Natasha that hasn’t been explored too much. She cries. We learn something about her on Vormir ("Natasha, daughter of Ivan", and then going on to reveal that she never knew her father). We haven't gotten this much personal exploration of her character since Winter Soldier and it was great.

Hulk offering one of his tacos to Scott after he lost his. It was just a small sweet moment.

Testing out time travel. Steve’s deadpan “that’s a baby” really got me.

TIME TRAVEL! When it jumps to that huge ass 2012 text logo my heart of soaring.

Was not expecting that Rumlow and Pierce cameo! That was wild to witness especially because Avengers and Winter Soldier are two very tonally different movies. We get to see the aftermath of Avengers in small, cool ways and it really serves to fill in the gaps. Bonus points for Tony tug-of-warring over the Tesseract with Pierce that was hilarious and reminded me a lot of his demeanor during Iron Man 2 during his hearing with Senator Stern (“You want my property? You can’t have it.”)

Loki mocking Steve and prompting Thor to put the muzzle on him was A+

The nod to the elevator scene (the elevator noise is the exact same as the elevator noise in Winter Soldier; I know this bc I’ve seen the movie 15 times and I’m basically Pavlov’s Dog for CA:TWS). The “hail hydra” moment was awesome, and Steve leaving the elevator with that smirk was so satisfying, but I have questions about that timeline*.

Cap v. Cap. “I can do this all day.”  “--I know!”

“America’s ass”. The Avengers just all 100% being on board to Hit That is the team solidarity we need in these dark times.

The sense of utter dread I felt when past!Thanos caught on to their plan. I’ve never felt dread that way before in a movie, maybe not even with Infinity War.

I really wasn’t expecting Natasha’s death. I love/hate how you know from the moment that Natasha and Clint are going to retrieve the soul stone that one of them isn’t making it back. It’s a weird feeling; I’ve felt the feeling of the audience knowing something the characters don’t before, but never quite like this. Clint and Natasha’s struggle over who was to be sacrificed was painful and emotional. It’s also a really good contrast to the scene with Thanos and Gamora in Infinity War. Clint and Natasha’s struggle was truly born out of love (and how cool is it that we got to see the power of the love of friendship so blatantly and barbarically put on show?; “I owe him a debt.”). I really thought Clint was going to die, but was surprised when it was Natasha. Her death is really painful for me and I wish there was a way she didn’t have to die, but she laid down her life for everyone else’s; it’s an honorable death.** 

The brief moment post-Hulk!snap. The birds singing. Clint’s wife calling him. It brought a tear to my eye.

Thor, Steve, and Tony all standing together again after four years of being apart or, in some cases, resenting one another. I felt whole again. All of them being in agreement that as long as Thanos is alone, they’re all down to kill him. Thor’s eyes lighting up. The three of them walking towards Thanos. They mean business. What a great moment.

Every time Steve’s shield broke apart piece by piece my anxiety increased by 100%. War flashbacks to Tony’s vision from Age of Ultron; the shield was literally broken apart the exact same way.

That shot of Steve being the last man standing against Thanos and his army was beautiful. I want that as a poster.

I’ve never cried tears of relief the way I did than in the moment I heard Sam’s voice and the portals started opening up. I was 100% sure Steve was going to die just before that and I WAS SPARED. The hope/relief I felt in that moment made me cry so much, and I don’t think that’s something I’ve ever experienced before in any form of media, so that’s a unique experience that’s pretty awesome.

THAT. BATTLE.

"Avengers... assemble." Steve Rogers marry me.

STEVE WIELDING THE HAMMER. Thor: I knew it! Me: bitch me too!

Seeing all those badass Marvel women fall in formation with Carol was awesome, though it hurt a lot to not see Natasha among them. She was the first of all of them (the first we were introduced to, at least).

Valkyrie’s Pegasus!

WANDA! “I don’t even know who you are.”  “You will.”  And then Thanos telling his army to rain fire because he literally can’t fend off Wanda. Amazing.

Nebula’s story arc was really well done.

“I am inevitable.” [empty metal snap] "And I...am...Iron Man."

I sincerely was not expecting to be as affected by Tony’s death as I was. I still very much so like Tony, but everyone and their mom knows that I reside very happily in Cap’s camp. But holy shit. I was not expecting for Tony to wield the gauntlet, but that’s an amazing moment from the comic books brought to film and I’m so glad they did. The aftermath was horrifically sad, watching Rhodey, Peter, and Pepper gather round him, plus the other Avengers-- Pepper telling him he can rest now and the camera just lingers on his face. I was trying not to hyperventilate cry in the theater the first time, and still cried like a baby the second time. Iron Man was the first Marvel movie I ever saw and the first Avenger I was really a diehard fan of. Tony Stark wielded the infinity gauntlet and saved everyone. From Infinity War; “I hope they remember you.” They will.

Watching Thanos get dusted was so satisfying.

Everyone gathered at Tony’s funeral.

Sam!Cap

The cast roll with the signatures of the main cast touched me quite a bit. Also it’s kind of a nice send off because it literally feels like they’re signing off on their ending contracts.

Literally so much else, but these are what stood out the most to me.

What I didn’t like:

They didn't have to do that to Thor. Does it make sense that Thor would spiral into an alcoholic depression? Yes, absolutely. Did he have to be the butt of every joke because of it? No, not at all. At times he felt like he was plucked out of an SNL skit. I just wished they would have handled that better instead of having him serve as a comic relief device so that the first hour of the film isn't too depressing. Like, how do you go from Thor’s entrance into Wakanda in Infinity War to...Endgame!Thor? It was easier to watch the second time around, but regardless, I wish there were just less jokes about him.

What was the point of Ronin? We got five minutes of seeing him in the Ronin suit and doing Ronin things for what purpose? I get that he’s suffering with the loss of his family and it’s meant to illustrate how much he’s been damaged by it, but it kind of seemed pointless overall. Otherwise no complaints about Clint.***

Rhodey taking care of Morgan Stark at the end of Tony’s funeral instead of Happy would have been a nice touch. I’m not very bothered by this one tbh, I’m cool with it, but that’s his best friend.

Steve going back in time to be with Peggy. I really don’t like it. It felt like such obvious fanservice to Steve/Peggy fans and it’s just like...let Peggy go. On second viewing it does seem like Bucky knows from the very start what Steve might do, or that they even discussed it beforehand, but I also feel like Bucky would have told him to not be a damn idiot and come back to them. He also literally bounces right after his friend’s funeral, after a conversation about how Hulk really misses Natasha/how he tried to bring her back with the snap, to which Steve says “I do too/I know”...then....peaces out. Also, I’m not going to sit here and say that Age of Ultron did too much for Steve’s character, but we danced this dance before and learned that it’s the Avengers that are Steve’s family and future. And it’s not just in Age of Ultron that this is hammered home; the conflict in Civil War works because the Avengers are his family. Saving Bucky at the expense of losing his found family wouldn’t matter if this wasn’t the case. It feels regressive to attempt to say otherwise in this movie, especially one where some of Steve’s best development was done by the same directors.

Asterisks/Questions Unanswered/Misc.:

* So in this timeline, Steve fought himself. He told his 2012 self that Bucky was still alive, he made himself seem affiliated with Hydra during the elevator scene in order to get the Tesseract. This isn’t the timeline in which the team gets their hands on the Tesseract, so...this universe still exists because they botched it. When Steve goes back in time to return the stones to their proper timelines, it’s returned to the 1970s, not 2012. So what happens to this universe as a result of that fumble? This would be cool to explore.

** When Steve has to return all the infinity stones to their proper places in time, what happens when you seek to return the soul stone instead of take it? Could Natasha have been brought back this way? I have so many questions. Also, I’d be curious to see Steve’s reaction to seeing the Red Skull as the gatekeeper of the soul stone.

On that note, why was there such an emphasis placed on the soul stone in Infinity War? Saying there’s a certain wisdom to it compared to the other infinity stones. What was that weird soft red void Thanos was in with younger Gamora right after the snap? Why wasn’t any of this followed up on in Endgame?

*** What was the point of the Ronin situation if not to incriminate him enough that it would have been right to allow Clint to sacrifice himself on Vormir?

Can you imagine that your significant other got snapped and 5 years go by and you’ve moved on and perhaps fallen in love with someone else...and then your dead wife/husband returns? Awkward. There has to be some sort of reality TV show in the MCU universe that deals with that. I’d watch that.

The Fornite scene with Thor & co. truly establishes a depressing future where all the game developers got snapped and now all we have is Fornite.

#avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #long post is long but here it is what you've all been waiting for i'm sure: my very specific thoughts

[entamewitchlulu]

Homura’s Flash Reviews [December 2018]

Fall season is finally over!  Since Ace Attorney is the only one I watched this season that is still ongoing, the rest are finished, so I can finally talk about them!  I haven’t decided on my winter anime line up yet, but if you have any suggestions, hit me up!  What did everyone watch this season and what did you like?

Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san [12 episodes]

A comedy anime about a skeleton named Honda-san who works at a bookstore, and all of the shenanigans that come with it.

I was pretty psyched for this one, and the first episode gave me high hopes.  As a librarian, I was hoping to go into this and find something to relate to, in terms of working customer service and books and all of the wacky shit that people looking for books can get you looking for.

Unfortunately, it turned out not to be as much fun as I’d hoped.  The art was pretty cute and I liked how the characters were portrayed with masks and such, but it turned out to be a lot more technical aspects about how bookstores in Japn work -- sort of interesting, I guess, but I was hoping to find it more funny.  As it was, I barely laughed, like, ever, and even the ten-minute-long episodes felt like a slog to get through.  I only finished it because the episodes were short enough to justify.

overall: 5/10

Zombieland Saga [12 episodes]

Sakura Minamoto plans on becoming an idol, but her dreams are cut short when she’s hit by a truck on her way to her first audition. Revived as a zombie ten years later with an all-star team of reanimated legends and no memory of her past, Sakura and her new idol group Franchouchou are on a quest to save the Saga prefecture!

Holy fucking shit this show!!! This show!!! -points excitedly and vigorously- I almost didn’t watch this show!! I didn’t have it on my list of things to watch this season at all and I jumped in halfway through, and it turned out to be the best damn show of the whole damn season!

The characters are bright, expressive, distinct, and super, super lovable, each getting a really decent amount of screentime considering the shortness of this show.  There isn’t a single character I don’t love to pieces, especially the wild and wacky Kotaro and his off the wall voice acting!  The visuals in both design and animation are incredible and the absolute wacky take on zombies with the hilarious morbidity that comes along with it is truly amazing.

This show was literally everything I could have wanted and more: I laughed, I cried, I sang and danced along.  Please tell me we’re getting a season 2!!!

overall: 10/10

Jingai-san no Yome [12 episodes]

Hinowa is living an ordinary school life until the day his teacher informs him that he’s been chosen to get married to the yokai Kanenogi-san.  Thus begins their happily married life.

This show was...well, it was something lol.  I don’t think I would have finished it if not for the fact that every episode was only 3 minutes long.  But also, if it had been longer and more fleshed out, I might have enjoyed it more.  As it is, it was just a bunch of very short, fluffy episodes with little substance.  The characters outside of the yokai spouses were pretty much unmemorable, and while I found the premise both cute and hilarious, there just wasn’t enough meat to it.

overall: 6/10

Bloom Into You  [13 episodes]

Yuu feels like the odd one out because she’s never been able to fall in love. When she sees her cool older senpai politely turn down a love confession, she asks her to help her learn to be that mature -- however, things become more complicated when her senpai, Touko, confesses her love for Yuu.

This was a very, very sweet little shoujo ai/coming of age anime.  I was looking forward to this one the most when I put together my list of fall anime, and though it was among the last I finished, it was worth the wait.  The animation is beautiful and only gets better as the series continues.  The characters are sweet and lovable, if a bit complicated and sometimes frustrating just like real people.  And I do wish there was a more...well, a more conclusive ending, but I understand that the manga is still ongoing, so perhaps we’ll get a season two.

I think the most important thing about this show is that, though it is a shoujo ai show, it’s not really a romance.  It’s, as I saw someone else say, a story about self-realization that happens to involve wlw.  Overall, a bittersweet story that I still found a lot to relate to, and I hope that there will be more.  Until then, I may look into picking up the manga.

overall: 8/10

Golden Kamuy [season 2] [12 episodes]

Continuing their adventures from season 1, former soldier Sugimoto and young Ainu hunter Asirpa are joined by a wacky cast of characters as they search for the truth behind a stolen trove of Ainu gold, the secrets of which lie with a mysterious prisoner who may or may not be...Asirpa’s father??

Golden Kamuy continues to hit the most ridiculous mood swings in anime and still manage to feel like a consistent show.  This show has everything: political thriller, historical adventure, gorefest, Ainu cooking show/cultural documentary, dark comedy, dick jokes, and hot naked men (in which every possible opportunity to show off their pecs, butts, and then some is absolutely taken advantage of).  Thanks to the lack of bears in this season, the animation problems from the first season are pretty much entirely dealt with.

And man does this second season decide to take things up a notch in EVERY possible way.  The shenanigans are wackier, the heartfelt moments are deeper, and the power of Sugimoto and Asirpa’s relationship is even stronger than ever. This is the one media in the world where the tropes “anyone and everyone can die” and “you can’t trust literally anyone” actually work -- because even with everyone killing and betraying each other, even the most wildly sociopathic murderers are somehow endearing in the most morbid way??  It’s so over the top that you can’t help but laugh, but when the hard moments hit, you still feel them.  It straddles the perfect line between dark comedy and gritty historical fiction.

It looks like season three has already been confirmed for this year, and you bet I’ll be watching it!!

overall: 8/10

#skull face bookseller honda-san #zombieland saga #jingai-san no yome #bloom into you #golden kamuy #homura reviews #homura's flash reviews #long post #gifs

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [567]

The video call opens and Malika sees the Iron Bull’s broad chest and jaw as he turns his steering wheel, the sound of his turn signal clicking persistently in the background.

“Sorry,” he says, “Running late. Almost home. Ellana’s already there. I don’t know how but she beat me in this traffic. I was literally only twenty minutes away from home and she was driving in from the fucking airport and she somehow beat me. On a Friday afternoon. This is why we have to move to the Marches. Forget that the major studios are here. I wouldn’t be dealing with this kind of traffic in the Marches. You went to college in Markham? Starkhaven?”

“Starkhaven,” Malika answers, nervously checking the window where she has all her notes.

She’s been fans of the Iron Bull and Ellana Lavellan since she was a kid. She’s pretty sure she knows pretty much everything on their wiki pages, but she’d rather not forget and ask a dumb question because’s she’s nervous. She shouldn’t be.

The Iron Bull is a friend of her uncles and she’s known him since she was a kid. Well. Been kind of tangentially around him. He’s not as intimidating as he would be if she didn’t know him at all. Still. He’s the Iron Bull, it’s hard not to geek out over him.

And it’s Ellana Lavellan, it’s impossible not to want to burst out into wild screams of excitement. Malika swears she has no idea how she’s keeping herself composed right now. She’s met the woman in person a few times before — briefly — and she’s fairly certain the only thing that kept her from doing something wildly inappropriate was the overwhelming joy that made her pretty short-circuited her everything.

There’s a part of her mind that’s chanting this is for work, this is for work, this is for work and another part of her mind that’s just yelling.

“Thanks again for agreeing to do the interview with me,” Malika says. “Not a lot of people really care to do interviews for Humfeed.”

It’s not exactly the best media outlet. It’s mostly youtube and clickbait articles on this side of it, actually. But if Malika gets a solid portfolio of work going she can probably get transferred to the serious side of the business, covering stuff like elections and laws and international situations and stuff. She might even get to go freelance someday.

“No problem," Bull says, “You’re a good kid. Edric doesn’t shut up about you. In a good way.”

He gives the camera a distracted smile and she stays quiet as he parks, picking up his phone.

Malika takes a few moments to just breath and collect herself and push down on all her urges to squeal.

Bull sits down in his living room, setting up the phone somewhere on a table nearby, yelling out into the house, “Ellana, I’ve got Malika on my phone.”

“I’ll be right there!” Malika hears from somewhere off screen and then Ellana Lavellan, legend and favorite of the world itself, comes into view, sitting next to Bull on their lovely sofa, beaming.

“Hi, Malika,” Ellana says, “Is this good?”

“Yeah, it’s not a video, it’ll be an article so I’m mostly going to use transcripts,” Malika answers. “Thank you for agreeing to this.”

“Anything for the fans,” Ellana deadpans, “Also for the youth pursuing the ever noble passion of journalism. I’ve read some of your pieces and you’re going to be amazing.”

Ellana Lavellan has read some of her articles, Malika thinks to herself. She’s going to die. Malika is going to straight up die.

Her voice cracks when she talks, but hopefully that can be attributed to a poor connection or something.

“Alright, so. Let’s get started. Um. First off, congratulations on the engagement.”

“Thank you,” Ellana and the Iron Bull say, giving each other brief, but fond, glances before returning their focus to the camera.

“This question is for the both of you. How do the two of you manage your busy schedules, considering how high in demand both of you are? Everyone knows that the two of you have been dating for almost four years now, so obviously you guys have figured out some kind of time management system. But how do you guys determine how you balance out your projects and coordinate with each other?”

“High demand?” Bull and Ellana both ask at the same time.

“Yes,” Malika nods, hand ready to jot down notes on the separate notepad she has. “For example — Ellana, you were just announced to take part in the highly anticipated follow up movie to Hard in Hightown, and you’ve just come off of working Mountain’s Nine. Both of these take place in extremely different filming locations, I imagine, and both sound like they’re huge time sucks. And you, the Iron Bull, are currently scheduled to be in two upcoming video games as well as commentating on the Ferelden Men’s championship.”

“The what?” Ellana says, turning to the Iron Bull at the same time the Iron Bull is staring at Ellana like he’s never seen her before. “You’re going to be in what and commentating on what?”

She turns to Malika, looking a little helpless.

Malika stares between the two.

“Do you guys…not talk about your projects?”

“Projects,” Bull repeats, slowly. “You have projects?”

Ellana turns to stare at Bull. “You have projects?”

Malika just stares at the both of them. “You…you two have been dating for four years and recently got engaged. Do you…did either of you ever google each other?”

“You’re famous?” Ellana whispers.

“You’ve been in movies?” The Iron Bull replies, sounding dazed.

Ellana quickly pulls out her phone, even as Malika starts to carefully attempt to jog Ellana’s memory.

“He’s a world champion weight lifter,” Malika says, “He’s got world records that still haven’t been broken to this day. He’s won gold more times than should be possible and he didn’t even retire because of an injury or anything. He just retired because he wanted to. Then immediately after that, he entered competitive chess. He’s also got a world record for chess, and he’s a recognized chess master. He was the champion of chess for five years running. He’s…he’s literally a champion of so many things and he’s always asked to commentate and teach and — you didn’t know?”

“Oh my god,” Ellana sounds like she’s dying as she looks at something on her phone. She reaches out, not looking up and starts hitting Bull’s leg. “You — you’re a tetris champion? You — oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is you! You’re in a fucking leotard. Oh my god, you had hair. What is this, how come I’ve — “

“You didn’t know?” Bull asks, incredulous. “You said you recognized me when we first met.”

“From the underwear ad!” Ellana blurts out, eyes widening as she scrolls through something on her phone. “I though you were an underwear model!”

“Ellana, that shoot was to promote my cologne.”

“It was your cologne?!?”

“Yes,” Bull says, “Of course it’s mine. Why else would I have done a photo shoot for it?”

“Because you’re a model!”

“No, I only started modeling after I retired from weight lifting,” Bull says. “Babe, the only reason I became a popular model was because I was a popular athlete first.”

“Why would I know this? You know I don’t…sports!”

“They literally stop playing all news and television every time the Olympics comes around and somehow you’ve never seen me? Wait — hold on. You. You’re famous. You’re in movies.”

Ellana starts crying. Well. Laughing and crying hysterically, clutching onto the back of their couch as she leans back, stomping her leg on the ground, phone clutched to her chest as she shrieks with laughter.

“Oh my god,” She cries. “Holy shit. You’re famous. You’re famous!”

“So are you?” the Iron Bull, and it sounds like a question.

“She’s…an award winning actress,” Malika says weakly. This is not how she thought this interview was going to go. “She’s won actress of the year six times. She’s been in internationally acclaimed movies. Just name dropping her can shoot a movie’s popularity up with the critics.”

The Iron Bull stares at Malika.

“She’s been in a million movies,” Malika continues. “You’ve seen them.”

“I have?”

“The Lady of the Lake? Emperor of the Rings? Jude Bravo and the Void Thief? Empire Raider? Derelict Wars? The Lovelace series? The Good-Mother? Thieves of the Lost Arc? The Shape of You? Dreams?”

The Iron Bull looks more lost with each movie she names and Malika could go on for another half hour or more just listing Ellana’s greatest hits.

He slowly turns back to the woman who’s slowly started to slide off the couch as she shrieks with laughter.

“You don’t own any movies,” he says dumbly. “We had to fucking rent The Lady of the Lake. You were in it and you didn’t even say anything. Who the fuck were you?”

“To be fair, I play a lot of characters with heavy prosthetics,” Ellana says as she attempts to compose herself, face red as she hiccups. “Besides, you don’t like the kind of stuff I’m in. You like TV shows more than movies.”

“You’re in TV shows,” Malika feels the needs to point out.

Bull gestures at Malika helplessly. “And I’ve never seen you once?”

“You don’t like the kind of shows I’m in,” Ellana says. “You only watch cop procedural shows and true crime stuff.”

“You were the star in the hit series remake of Carmine as the notorious cannibal Dr. Carmine Flescher,” Malika says.

Ellana, by this point, has fallen off the couch. Malika sees her stumbling up and walk off frame, bursting into laughter as she goes again.  The Iron Bull puts his head in his hands.

“Is the interview still going?” Bull asks, voice slightly muffled.

“No,” Malika says, because this is definitely not something she’s going to write about. Yeah, it would get a lot of attention, but it’s not the kind of attention Malika thinks any of the three of them present want. “Are you okay?”

“My fiancé is an actress with an IMDB page longer than my entire arm,” Bull says. “Not really.”

Ellana suddenly reappears in frame, holding her hand out. “I want my ring back.”

Malika swears she’s lost sensation in most of her body parts and her heart is beating faster than healthy.

Bull stares up at Ellana. “What?”

“I proposed to you when I thought you were some cute model. You’re actually a literal genius with world records,” Ellana says, wiggling her hand. “I’ve got to do this over again. Give me that ring so I can propose to you with all the flair that you deserve.”

Bull’s expression turns from stunned to fond.

“You’re an actress with more gold than I ever won,” he says, “I should be the one getting down to propose to you this time.”

“With your bad knee? Forget it,” Ellana says, reaching down and taking his hand and pulling the ring off herself. She sticks it in her pocket. “Okay. Give me like. A few days and I’ll think up of a better proposal. Fit for a world fucking champion, holy shit. I can’t believe I married up — hold on. Wait a minute. All those times you said you were busy — were you doing world champion stuff?””

#heartsfic #gather your party and venture forth

[zareleonis]

My Star Wars Top 10 of 2018

This year I fell massively in love with Star Wars, learned more about a galaxy far, far away that I ever expected and started this blog, first to liveblog Star Wars Rebels, and later to share my thoughts on whatever new (and old!) Star Wars media I came across. In honor of what, in my mind, was a really fun year for Star Wars, I wanted to share my top 10 list of my favorite Star Wars things that came out this year, across different kinds of media. Read more because it’s really long :P

Honorable Mention: Flight of the Falcon multimedia series (by multiple authors and artists)

Okay, if I’m honest, this gets honorable mention spot, mostly because I felt like putting it in top 10 when it’s really a BUNCH of comics and books would be totally cheating :P One of the more fun things to come out of Solo: A Star Wars Story, this series of loosely connected books and comics whose main connecting factor is the Millennium Falcon (and Bazine Netal’s hunt for it!) is an absolute joy. Cavan Scott knocks it out of the park with the ridiculously fun Choose Your Destiny: A Luke and Leia Adventure. IDW Comics does what’s it does best by bringing together some exciting and unexpected pairs of characters for the last couple months of Star Wars Adventures. In Lando’s Luck Justina Ireland gave us the coolest darn Princess in Star Wars since Leia, Rinetta Gan. And they’re not even done yet, with 2 more comics and Pirate’s Price left to go!

10. Star Wars: Scum and Villainy: Case Files on the Galaxy’s Most Notorious by Pablo Hidalgo

What an awesome and fun book! So much great art, and Pablo Hidalgo always gives 100% with his work. It’s such a creative concept, following Tan Divo and and his descendants, as they report on the criminals and rebels of their day. I completely geeked out over how it gave soooo much neat new information about characters and organizations from ALL OVER the Star Wars universe. It’s an absolute blast!

9. Solo: A Star Wars Story: Tales from Vandor by Jason Fry

This book is AMAZING. Even among the “replica journal” style books that Studio Fun puts out, it stands out as super unique, written from the point of view of the Midnight, the bartender at The Lodge on Vandor (where Han meets Lando), as if he is telling the story to a guest. It’s such a fun outsider’s point of view of Han and the other characters of Solo. The best part though, is the parts of the book that are just a shameless love letter to Star Wars Legends, with nods to stuff like The Wookiee Storybook, LEGO Star Wars: The Padawan Menace and several novels. Jason Fry’s love for the franchise really shines through.

8. Star Wars: Poe Dameron by Charles Soule and penciller Angel Unzueta

This year we said a bittersweet goodbye to Marvel’s monthly Star Wars: Poe Dameron and goodness gracious it was good. Between the Legend Found arc that was to be the original ending and the final The Awakening arc, where Black Squadron is reunited after The Last Jedi, this comic really touched my heart. The last couple pages of issues 25 and 31 still make me cry. :’)

7. Solo: A Star Wars Story directed by Ron Howard and screenplay by Lawrence and Jon Kasdan

THIS MOVIE IS CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED AND I’M MAD AT EVERYONE WHO LET IT FLOP. I’ll admit I wasn’t exactly desperate for a Han Solo Backstory Movie, but Solo was just AWESOME. Just some good, raw, Star Wars-y fun that you can’t help but smile the whole way through. It might not be groundbreaking, but it introduced some super cool characters in L3-37, Qi’ra and Enfys Nest, gave us Maul’s grand triumphant return to the public at large and has INCREDIBLY charming performances by Alden Ehrenreich and Donald Glover as the Han and Lando we all come to love.

6. The Mighty Chewbacca in the Forest of Fear! by Tom Angleberger

If Solo, is good, this kid’s book written to accompany it is even better. I mean, Chewbacca meets K-2SO meets Tooka cats meets teenage bounty hunter/librarian?? On a planet with scary monsters and a spooky evil Force user? Also Cassian is there?? And the daughter of This Funny Hat Dude from Return of the Jedi? Hell yeah!!!!!

The book is hysterical, ridiculously fun and I can’t recommend it enough. I just have to say if you do get it, try and grab the audiobook it’s got a full cast of voices for the main characters including Marc Thompson giving his best Shyriiwook as Chewbacca. I laughed so hard I cried at the narration and a K-2SO’s lines done out loud. You won’t regret it!

5. Star Wars: Women of the Galaxy by Amy Ratcliffe and eighteen awesome artists!

THIS is one of the coolest Star Wars books out there and a celebration of all the women we know and love (and sometimes hate) in a galaxy far, far away. It’s such a wonderful collaboration, created by all women (& non-binary) artists and author. I love that it’s got characters from practically everything—movies, books, comics, video games, you name it! We even got to see characters like Jas Emari for the first time which makes me SO HAPPY. it’s one of the books I come back to all the time just to flip through it and enjoy the illustrations.

4. Star Wars Resistance created by Dave Filoni and executive produced by Athena Yvette Portillo, Justin Ridge, and Brandon Auman

I LOVE RESISTANCE SO MUCH!! I didn’t quiiite know what to expect with the new animated series, but was super excited and it hasn’t disappointed one bit. It’s such a fun show and really enjoyable to have a Star Wars show that is almost just ‘slice of life’ compared to the others. The animation is so cool to me and the characters really cute. I’m ridiculously charmed by all of them, especially our main man Kazuda Xiono and really hyped to see where these characters go. It’s more happy and fun than anything, but I know it will break my heart to pieces soon enough (KAZUDA XIONO. HOME PLANET: HOSNIAN PRIME). I hope more people give it a chance because it really is awesome!

3. Star Wars Adventures: Tales from Vader's Castle by Cavan Scott and various artists

LET THIS BE MY LOVE LETTER TO CAVAN SCOTT AND ALL THE COOL AND AWESOME STUFF HE’S DONE WITH THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE!! I was soooo excited when these came out because it’s such an AWESOME idea, I mean? Star Wars Horror story one-shots connected by a wider plot??? YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Doubly so when they star Lina Graf, of the Adventures in Wild Space series by Cavan Scott and Tom Huddleston. I was soooo excited to see her again and it’s amazing to see how she’s grown from a young kid to a brave and capable pilot and Commander in the Rebellion.

Then the individual stories are just awesome. It was a joy to see Kanan and Hera back together again after Rebels (or, well, pre-Rebels). The Dooku story was just amazing and such an enthusiastic tribute to Christopher Lee as Dracula. The Frozen inspired Han and Chewie story was also pretty great and I LOVE that it referenced the events of The Mighty Chewbacca in the Forest of Fear! And, my personal favorite story, the spooky ewok story featuring a young Chief Chirpa and Logray was brilliant and I enjoyed getting a closer first-hand look at ewoks (something we don’t have much of, at least in canon!). All in all just an absolute masterpiece in my book and a great reminder of why IDW Comics’ Star Wars stuff has been so freaking awesome.

2. Join the Resistance: Attack on Starkiller Base by Ben Blacker and Ben Acker and illustrated by Annie Wu

I’M BACK AT IT YELLING ABOUT WHY MORE PEOPLE NEED TO CARE ABOUT THESE WONDERFUL, CHARMING LITTLE KIDS’ BOOKS!! This was such a perfect end to the J-Squadron kids’ story. To me, this series is such a hidden gem and I really hope more people give it a chance. It was wonderful how all the characters’ stories closed out. I loved seeing Jo finally openly defy his parents, Mattis putting his faith in the Force and his friends, the return of Klimo, AG-90 and Dec fighting as brothers but growing stronger for it, and Lorica becoming the hero everybody thought she was. There’s so many fun cameos, from Rey, to Hux to Poe and Black Squadron, with the backdrop of the actual climactic battle in The Force Awakens.

And, one thing I really want to talk about that I love, is how the book (in tandem with the first two) give us the first gay character in a Star Wars kids book, with Dec Hansen. I wish they could’ve said it a bit more explicitly, but we actually got the kid and his friends talking about it in the books? And, with most of the LGBT characters falling more on the “scum and villainy” circles of the galaxy, it’s so refreshing to see a brave and unambiguously heroic gay teenage starfighter pilot trainee. Like, holy shit that actually happened!!!! ANYWAYS READ THIS SERIES I LOVE THEM AND YOU SHOULD TOO.

Oh, also, Annie Wu’s illustrations are AWESOME and I hope she does more Star Wars stuff (Pirate’s Price, out in a week!)

1. Star Wars Rebels created by Dave Filoni, Simon Kinberg and Carrie Beck

I don’t think there’s way I could place anything but Rebels at #1. This show changed my life in so many ways and I’m just. ridiculously thankful it exists. without Rebels, I wouldn’t have this blog, I wouldn’t be up to my ears obsessed with Star Wars and I there’s so many friends I wouldn’t have either. It’s touched my heart in a way that.... gosh I don’t know if I can even think about anything that resonates with me quite in the way Star Wars Rebels has. Pretty sure most if not all of my followers have seen Rebels, haha, but if you haven’t. You won’t regret it. Well, you might. It hurts. I hate to say, but it does. But even if the end destination leaves you heartbroken and uh prone to randomly bursting into tears about it, you will never regret the journey. Everything I learned and experienced with Ezra, Kanan, Hera, Sabine, Zeb and Chopper is beyond precious to me and I’m thankful it exists because it made my year in so many ways.

#star wars rebels #star wars resistance #solo a star wars story #the mighty chewbacca in the forest of fear #join the resistance #tales from vader's castle #star wars: women of the galaxy #star wars poe dameron #tales from vandor #star wars: scum and villainy #flight of the falcon #star wars

[likeshipsonthesea]

It’s Not Gay

Here’s the third in the bi trifecta, Holster! Warning for homophobia and homophobic language. Also slightly NSFW but only for a second.

“It’s not gay,” Quad said, pressing Holster back into the sheets. He was smaller than Holster-- most people were-- and he could’ve easily pushed Quad off him, but Holster liked the weight of Quad’s muscled body over his. “All the guys do it,” Quad said, going for Holster’s shirt, pushing it up his stomach. Holster shivered as Quad’s hand brushed his abs. “It’s just a way to blow off steam,” Quad said, and Holster felt how hard he was against his hip.

“So... it’s okay?” Holster had been around high school aged boys enough to know that gay was synonymous with uncool, annoying, wrong. He’d only been with the Hawks for a month and a half, and though he didn’t exactly get all of the intricacies and hierarchies of the team, he knew that the connotations that went with the word “gay” were familiar enough.

“Yeah,” Quad said, as he fumbled with his own pants. He was two years older than Holster and knew more about the world. So Holster believed him when he said, “As long as we don’t kiss, it’s fine.”

So that was the rule.

A lot of the time, Holster roomed with Quad, as d-partners were more likely to get along in the manager’s mind. They didn’t mess around every time, but they did more often than not. Holster didn’t bring it up to any of the other guys-- “Don’t talk about it, that’s just weird,” was another piece of wisdom imparted to him by Quad-- and none of the other guys he roomed with suggested it. Holster assumed that they had their own buddies to mess around with.

Not that it was exclusive. No, Holster learned that one night after a hard game when he’d stopped by Quad’s single room to see if he was up for “letting off some steam” only to find one of the second-line forwards already there. Holster went back to his room with a hollow spot in his chest that he filled with reiterations that it wasn’t a relationship, they weren’t together, it wasn’t love.

Still, Holster found himself fascinated with kissing. During the rare times they had a chance to party, he would always talk up a girl until she giggled sweetly into his mouth. He liked it, liked kissing girls, a lot. Their lipgloss always tasted nice and their hips fit in his hands so soft and curvy and the way he had to tilt his head down towards them, them lifting their faces to his, felt like solid footing, equal ground, something more than muffled moans into borrowed pillowcases.

Sometimes he hooked up with them. He was still young, insecure, but the older guys would guffaw and toss him a little metallic packet and he’d bluster with it but tuck it away in his pocket and swear to himself he’d use it. It got empty after a while, though, sleeping with girls when they were on the road, getting their numbers but never really talking to them after the bus had left.

When the season ended and he went back to Buffalo, he spent most of his days at the movies or the library, catching up on the media he’d missed during the season. At the library one day he met a girl with a tinkle of a laugh and the dirtiest mouth he’d ever heard and he asked her out for a movie, and things progressed from there. Stephanie was bold, loud, and beat Holster in burping contests without even trying. She was perfect.

Well, almost. “I can’t believe you like those girl movies,” she’d say, whenever Holster was in a rom-com mood. When Holster cried, at a book or a film or a really pretty flower he saw on the side of the road, she told him, “Stop being such a wimp.” One day when she was doing her nails, he teased her to do his too and she frowned deeply at him. “Don’t be gay, Adam.” 

The word wrinkled. He wasn’t gay but.

(He didn’t like to finish that sentence. Quad said messing around wasn’t gay as long as they didn’t kiss, but sometimes Holster would stare up at his lips and wonder how different it would feel to kissing a girl, how similar it might feel, too. He wanted to know so much that he daydreamed about it sometimes, drifting off during practice and conversations, wanting it to the point of aching. That broke the rule, right? Wanting to kiss a guy was gay, right? 

So Holster didn’t finish the sentence, because he was terrified that it ended with but I’m something.)

Still, Stephanie was great. When Holster went back to Waterloo for training camp, he cried as he said goodbye to her. She rolled her eyes and kissed his cheek and said, “We can pick it up when you come back, if we’re both still single.” He liked her, but he didn’t think they’d get back together. She was a person to him and he enjoyed her company, but the biggest thing he got from their relationship was the assurance that he wasn’t gay, which, at the time, meant everything.

Things were different when Holster got back to Waterloo. Quad had transferred over the summer to another team. Holster’s new d-man was a quiet guy named Sean with dark eyes and a wide smile. He didn’t propose any kind of similar arrangement to what Holster’d had with Quad, but Holster liked him too much to risk asking about it. They hung out whenever they could, snuck into each other’s rooms to watch 30 Rock together, had all these crazy inside jokes.

By December, Holster realized that he liked Sean. Like, gay and shit.

When he went home for Hanukkah, he was mopey. Mom tried to ply him with food and Dad wouldn’t stop talking hockey stats and Esther and Sarah were only interested in him for as long as it took to give them their presents and then went back to whatever it was middle schoolers were interested in. Ruth, Holster’s twin, didn’t say anything, but when night fell and the house was quiet, she snuck into his room and sat at the foot of his bed. “What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice a whispered demand.

He sat up and sighed. “I think I like my d-man.”

He watched her frown at him through the hazy light of the moon. “Like, like-like?” He shot her a look and she held up her hands. “Okay, okay.” She dropped her hands and one curled around his ankle over the blankets. “So you’re... gay?”

“No, no. I.” He swallowed and stared at his hands. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

Ruth was quiet for a while. Then she said, “You know, if you were gay, it wouldn’t be, like, a bad thing.” Holster glanced up at her, frowning. She had that same look on her face she did before cutting her own hair when she was six, and that time they made brownies and ruined the kitchen when they were eight, and when she told off those guys in middle school who said Holster was a wussy ‘cause he cried at the “Ohana means family” scene in Lilo & Stitch. She said, “It’s not, really. I know people are dicks about it but it’s perfectly okay. Love isn’t bad.”

“But--”

“No buts, dickwad. I’m right and you can’t argue.” Ruth was frowning at him so hard that Holster couldn’t help but laugh. It bubbled out of his chest like relief and Ruth had never been able to stay calm when he laughed so they both started giggling uncontrollably, falling into one another, and Holster was just so happy he couldn’t stop. The light suddenly turned on and Mom was in the doorway yelling, “Just what on Earth do you two think you’re doing up this late?” and still they couldn’t stop.

Holster went back to Waterloo feeling much better. He still didn’t think he was gay-- he liked girls wholeheartedly which he was pretty sure was a big No in the gay handbook-- but the idea that even if he was, it wasn’t a bad thing, settled on his shoulders like armor.

One night soon after that, there was a knock on his door late at night. The game they’d played was a good one, and Holster’d been awarded the single for the night. Still, he was sore when he got up to answer the door and was slow getting there. When he did eventually pull it open, Sean was there, with a blanket, a pillow, and a scowl.

He barged in muttering something about his roommate. “What’s wrong?” Holster asked, closing the door behind Sean.

“Ewing is fucking Hays in our room,” he said, nearly spiting the words. He set up his blanket on the floor next to Holster’s bed. Holster watched, his whole body tense.

“Oh.”

Sean huffed. “Yeah, fucking inconsiderate. He knows we have an early depart time and he doesn’t know that I have a place to sleep.” He shook his head, setting his pillow at the top of his blanket.

Holster coughed. “I don’t know, he probably needed it if he kicked you out and everything.” Sean darted a look at him, so he continued, “You know, blowing off steam and shit.”

Sean squinted at him. “What?”

Holster felt his face warm as he blustered. “It’s not-- it’s like stress relief, you know. A lot of the guys do it.” Nervous, he added, “It’s not gay unless they kiss.”

Sean stood and came closer, not incredibly but more than Holster felt comfortable with at that moment. He had a strange look on his face. “That’s not how it works, dude.” 

Holster stared back. He’d had a suspicion that maybe Quad’s take on everything wasn’t exactly kosher but to hear it from Sean was shocking. They’d never talked about it-- Holster being too terrified to ever try and bring it up-- but Sean didn’t seem grossed out or whatever right now. If anything, he seemed kind of... flirty?

Sean’s lips quirked into something like a smile. “Have you... “blown off steam” with anybody?”

“Um, what, no-- I--” Holster coughed and Sean took half a step closer. Holster watched him, frozen. “I-- yeah.” He swallowed. “Yeah.”

Sean’s smile widened and Holster couldn’t stop staring at his mouth. “But you’ve never kissed a guy, then.”

“Um.”

“Do you want to?” What the fuck. Holster was hyperventilating so he couldn’t manage to say yes what the fuck holy fuck yes please, but he did manage a fairly panicky nod. Sean laughed, soft and breathy, and took one step closer until he was right there and he lifted a hand to Holster’s cheek to bring him down to Sean’s mouth and--

And they were kissing. At first, Holster tried to catalog the differences from kissing a girl-- lips aren’t as wet, stubble is a bit rough, hand is firmer on his cheek-- but within moments he was melting into it and too distracted to think of anything except Sean’s mouth.

It was late, and they did have an early wake-up call in the morning, so they made out for a little while and then went to bed. Sean slept in the bed with Holster didn’t even say “No homo” when he threw his leg over Holster’s hip under the blankets. Holster still ended up tired in the morning because he spent so long staring at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face.

When they got back to Waterloo, Holster was forced to go back to his host family’s house without a chance to be alone with Sean. He couldn’t get the grin off his face, though, and his host family was a little confused but they didn’t ask, which Holster was thankful for.

Before bed, Holster called Ruth and told her what had happened. “You probably froze like an idiot,” she said through the phone, and he could just see the shitty grin she was probably wearing

“Screw you,” Holster grumbled, though even his sister’s teasing couldn’t dampen his mood. He grabbed his toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto it. 

“You’re lack of game aside, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Wha’s’tha?” Holster asked, shoving the toothbrush in his mouth.

“I’ve been doing some research on your situation.” That sounded ominous but Holster made a noise urging her to continue. “So you like guys right?” Holster made an affirmative noise. “But you also like girls?” Holster repeated the noise. “Okay, so I don’t know how you feel about it specifically, but there are two words I think that would describe you.”

“Wha’ are d’ey?” Holster swallowed a bit of toothpaste and coughed.

“Well, they both basically mean the same thing, but you can look them up for yourself. There’s pansexual-”

“Like a pan?” Holster asked, spitting into the sink.

“No,” Ruth said, sighing deeply. “God, you’re ridiculous. No, it’s a root word meaning “all”. So all genders.”

“All? Aren’t there just, like, two?”

“No, there’s more. It’s really not that complicated, I advise you to search it for yourself.” Holster made a note to do exactly that. Ruth was usually right about these things. He tested the word pansexual, saying it to his reflection. He shrugged. Felt as right as gay ever had.

“What’s the other word?” he asked, grabbing a towel to wipe his mouth.

“Bisexual.”

It was silly. It wasn’t like he knew the minute differences between the two words, or what bisexuality exactly entailed, but when he heard the word, and then repeated it to himself, it felt like it fit. Like, some kind of no-look pass that ended in a goal, like instinct, like understanding. Bisexual.

“Huh,” he said, and Ruth huffed a laugh over the line.

(Years later, Holster found himself laughing ridiculously in the middle of one of Shitty’s rants about how bi people in het relationships were still queer and belonged in LGBT+ circles just as much as anyone else. Shitty was initially offended, thinking Holster a bigot or something, but in reality he couldn’t stop laughing because Quad had been right when when he said that it wasn’t gay. It was bi, because Holster was bi, and therefore everything else he did was bi.)

(While the team was proud of him for being so content with himself, when Holster began to put the word “bi” before all of his actions-- “I bi-passed the puck” “I bi-stayed up all night bingeing Brooklyn Nine-Nine” “I bi-wrote the fuck out of that essay”-- it very quickly got old.)

#holster #adam birkholtz #check please #bisexuality #pride month #my writing #sort of fic #ficlet #actual fic #? #idk this one's kinda long #homophobia #mostly internal and ignorance #here's the third in the bi trifecta! #probs won't be doing jack #he's just So Much #maybe i'll do others too #if y'all wanna send in pride month related prompts i'd be down with that

[ikesenhell]

Inked

This is the Professional Integrity series, part three. For all other parts and additional IkeSen works by me, see here.

Mitsuhide started his day the usual way: cleaning out the abusive comments on her social media. 

she just ditched the house I’m telling you She didn’t even let the fans in the funeral He would have wanted us to be there She hasn’t even released a statement I hear she’s partying it up in china and spending all his money

Click, click, click. They all disappeared. 

“How are you this morning?” Shingen asked with a smile, putting a plate of eggs in front of her. She half-laughed and shook her head. 

“I think I went one drink too hard.”

“Lightweights,” Kenshin huffed. “All of you.”

“Look,” Yuki argued, “We can’t all drink like alcoholics.”

“I don’t drink like an alcoholic.”

Sasuke lifted a piece of toast to his mouth, eating gingerly. “Everyone is being too loud.”

The Princess tittered and pet her friend’s head. “I’m sorry. Let’s be quieter. Thanks for the breakfast, Shingen.”

“No problem. Least I can do for an angel like you.”

“Oh, God.” She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. 

It looked like Kenshin was prepping a sharp-tongued barb to fling at his friend, but the Princess took his hand and he fell silent. “Thank you, guys. I’m so glad I got to see you all.”

“We’re glad we got to see you, too,” Shingen answered. 

“Yeah, um,” Yuki stumbled through his words before pointing at his dog, “Kuro liked having people over.”

“Oh, sure. ‘Kuro’ did.” Shingen smiled a smug little smile. 

Kenshin finally freed his hand from hers and set it on her shoulder. “Let us know if you’ll be coming back through.”

“I just might.”

They dropped Sasuke off at the Phoenix Airport. He and she hugged, long and hard at the security checkpoint until she cried, and then he had to catch his flight. Mitsuhide put his own, dark sunglasses on her to hide her tears and guided her gently back to the RV.

“Alright.” She settled into the passenger side, looking small and fragile, eyes locked forward and still wearing his circular sunglasses. “Where to next?”

“I don’t know.” He adjusted the seat, shoving it way further back than it had been. “Has anything ‘told’ you yet?”

A moment of pensive silence. She glanced up at him. “Anyone you wanna see?”

“Me?” He took a moment to check his surprise. “Friends of mine, you mean?”

“Yeah? Why not.”

Mitsuhide chuckled. “My friends are a handful. Plus, they live in New York.”

“That’s fine. That works for me. I can work with ‘handful’.”

He snickered and delved into his pocket, pulling out his cellphone. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“If they’re anything like you, I’m sure they’ll be great.”

The smile slipped off his lips for one long moment, trying to register what she was saying. At last, he decided not to think too deeply into it and pressed the dial button, gunning the RV powerfully onto the highway.

Hideyoshi picked up on the second ring. “Speak of the Devil.”

“It’s Mitsuhide, not Nobu,” he joked thinly. “What are your plans for this week, or anyone else’s?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh. Why?” There was a trace of suspicion in the man’s voice, and Mitsuhide had to resist the urge to laugh. “Don’t tell me you did something--”

“No, no, I did nothing,” he chuckled. “You remember how I told you I was bodyguarding Mrs. Matthews?”

“Uhh, yeah?”

“Well, she got a feeling for a road trip, and it’s my turn to pick where to go. How are you and the rest feeling having me show up at your houses and drink your liquor?”

“Just like old times, huh?” Hideyoshi laughed. “Okay, um, I’ll text them and see what’s up, but we should all be here this week, and you know that Masa is always game for something.”

“Let me know. I’ve got to get back to driving.”

“You’re driving? Hell, Mitsuhide, don’t drive and talk on the phone--!”

Mitsuhide hung up before the lecture could commence, grinning. “They’re looking forward to it.”

His bed was actually pretty comfortable for what it was. Pull-out couches generally weren’t the most amenable situation, but this was clearly an exception. Wrapped in a comforter, he lay with his feet propped comfortably against the driver’s seat, looking up through the skylight at the picture-perfect midwest stars. 

In the bed above the driver cab, he heard a faint, pained shuffle. 

“No.” She whimpered, then panted. 

“Princess?” Mitsuhide was on his feet in an instant. 

“Stop, stop, stop...” Oh, she was asleep. The sleepy distress was clear to him now. “Stop it.”

“Princess,” he repeated, softer, and reached into the bed, closing his hand around her ankle. She woke with a start. 

“Holy--”

“It’s just me,” he soothed, not releasing her foot. “You were having a nightmare.”

“Oh.” She shifted, but didn’t move her leg away from him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. I thought something was really wrong, and it would have been terribly awkward to figure out how I failed to protect you with about a foot of space between us.”

A titter. He finally released her ankle, trailing his fingertips along her foot until there was no skin left. “Anything I can get for you?”

“No, Mitsuhide,” she answered him softly, his name like a song, “thank you.”

“Any time.” 

She didn’t care much for food either and liked listening to The Eagles, Kendrick Lamar, and jazz. If she had to pick between four elements, she went for air every time, and he could see that in her--she always had the window cracked, the breeze rushing through her hair and sending it in rivers toward the back of the RV. Her favorite animals were snakes and bunnies.

“Yeah?” He grinned at her. “I’ve got a tattoo of a snake.”

“Do you really?” She glanced at him, up and down, returning her gaze to the road. “Where?”

He rolled his sleeve past the bend of his elbow, revealing the head of a serpent lying there on his bicep. “It goes around the arm, over my shoulders, and back down the other.”

“That is so cool,” she gasped. “I love it. It’s so very ‘you’.”

“Not the first person who’s said that.”

“I think I might get a tattoo some day,” she mused aloud. “I’ve bantered it back and forth in my head, but I just haven’t yet. Did it hurt?”

“Mostly over the parts of my spine, but otherwise, tolerably. I found it a good experience at the least.”

She smiled, and all those terrible comments he spent so much time scrubbing from her profiles swung like a black mark back into his mind. For the first time, he was angry. How could anyone try and say those things about her--this lovely, sincere, fun, sad woman? 

“You okay?” She said suddenly, flitting her eyes at him. “You look upset.”

“Me?” He forced a grin onto his lips. “When I’m around you? Never.”

They rolled into New York City later that day. 

“Look who is fucking here!” Masamune thrust open the door with a bang, garnering a shouted hey! from Hideyoshi, and wrapped his arms around both Mitsuhide and the Princess. “Mitsu-fucking-Hide!”

“Hi there!” The Princess laughed, patting his back. “Who are you?”

“The one, the only, Masamune Date.” He shot her a grin. “And you’re Mrs. Matthews?”

“Most people just call me ‘Princess’. Besides, it’s weird to call myself ‘Mrs.’.”

“She’s a widow,” Mitsuhide interjected, slithering inside. 

“Oh. Shit.” Masamune stopped smiling. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s fine. It’s fine. Cancer. Was sort of expected.”

“Come on in!” Hideyoshi emerged in the doorway to the kitchen, wiping his forehead. “Hi! I’m Hideyoshi. Do you like Pizza?”

“Love it.”

“Great, cause Masamune prepped enough of them for an army.”

“Masamune eats like an army,” a blonde, fluffy-haired man groused at the kitchen bar. “He probably needs half of them for himself.”

“That’s Ieyasu,” Hideyoshi gestured. “Mitsunari is on the couch, probably reading still. He won’t hear you come in.”

“I’ll get him.” Masamune jogged into the living room. 

“And I’m Nobunaga.” A final, dark-haired man with carnelian eyes appeared in the hallway, a smooth smirk gracing his mouth. “Mitsuhide. How good of you to come and see me again.”

“I was practically jumping at the chance,” Mitsuhide chuckled. 

Masamune appeared at Nobunaga’s arm, wrapping his around the man’s shoulders, a pair of silvery glasses perched on his nose. The Princess laughed. “He’ll be showing up soon.”

“Have you seen my glasses?” A man with a sweet, confused expression emerged at last behind them, clogging the crowded hallway. “Oh! Who are you? I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That’s the Princess, Mitsun.” Masamune tucked the glasses on top of the man’s head. “And you gotta be social.”

“Of course.” He smiled, bright as the sun, and Mitsuhide was almost envious of his charm and kindness. “It’s wonderful to meet you!”

“So what’s the plan tonight?” Hideyoshi asked, clapping his hands together. “Get out of my hallway, all you, get in that living room. You’re being a safety hazard.”

“Yes, mom,” Masamune muttered with a grin. 

“I was thinking,” Mitsuhide stepped into the familiar living room after them, “after dinner we might take her to some of the usual haunts, do a little drinking.”

“Could--” The Princess spoke up for a moment, then faltered. “Maybe, um, is there a place to get a tattoo around here?”

“Tattoos?” Masamune perked visibly. 

“Goddamnit,” Ieyasu groaned from the counter. “You don’t need another.”

“Masamune’s tattoos are great,” Mitsunari chirruped cheerily. “I think you’d look great with some, too, Ieyasu!” 

“Don’t compliment me like that, that’s weird.”

“Stop arguing, you two,” Hideyoshi wielded the pizza-cutter at them both. “I mean, we could do that.”

“I’m intrigued,” Nobunaga started, eyeing her with a smile. “What do you plan on getting?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” she smiled. “It’s great to meet you all, by the way.”

Mitsuhide didn’t smoke much, but Masamune and Nobunaga did, and whenever he was around them, he always wound up with one in his hand. They bounced between bars after dinner, getting drinks and dancing, riding the subway and causing mayhem. 

“You sure you want to do this?” He asked her, loitering outside the tattoo parlor. Smoke curled around his fingertips. 

“Yeah, I think so.” She smiled nervously at him all the same. “Can I have a drag on that?”

“Sure.” He handed it to her, watching the way the glow of embers glowed against her cheeks, how it flickered orange through her eyelashes and the smoke graced the curve of those lips. A cough; he snickered at her and tapped her mouth. “You don’t have much practice smoking.”

“That’s good,” Hideyoshi frowned at him, “Cause they’re bad for you.”

“Ready?” Masamune tucked his cigarette between his teeth and shot her a wink. “My guy is here. He’ll set you up good with something.”

“I’m ready.” But she latched onto Mitsuhide’s wrist, turning her face towards his, and asked--so, so, so prettily and sweetly--”Will you hold my hand or something if it hurts?”

“Sure.” He agreed. “I’d be glad to.” 

“Okay. Don’t take too long with that cigarette!” And she disappeared into the shop. 

Four sets of eyes turned onto Mitsuhide. 

“Well, well, well.” Nobunaga was smirking. 

“Ahhhhhh.” Hideyoshi had that infuriating, all-knowing grin on his lips. 

“Hmm.” Ieyasu eyed him hard. 

“What?” Mitsunari stared between all of them, eyes wide. “What? What?”

“You’re into her.” Masamune’s grin was so wide it threatened to split his head in half. 

“You’re all daft.” Mitsuhide snickered, taking a harder drag on his cigarette than he meant to and winding up choking himself. They erupted into laughter around him. 

“Lost your cool, there? I’m disappointed.” Nobunaga teased. 

“Hardly.” He thumped his chest to clear it. 

“She’s pretty cute.” Masamune leaned in. “When are you gonna jump on that? If you don’t, I might.”

“For god’s sake, Masa, she’s widowed. Recently. I’m fairly certain she needs a breather.”

“That’d be your loss.” Masamune grinned. “Come on, let’s go get her tattoo done.”

She got it on her back, right on the nape of her neck: a sun, the moon resting inside it, a series of chandelier-styled chains hanging from the points. 

“It’s beautiful!” Mitsunari praised easily, turning his head this way and that to look at it. “Wow! How did you think of that?”

“It’s based on a poem I like,” she told him, shyly. 

“Which one?” Hideyoshi asked. 

“Oh, I probably paraphrased it. But it’s: For the Sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe.” 

“Woah.” Masamune nodded. “That’s nice. Told you he was the guy to take you to. It looks cool.”

Mitsuhide realized with a start that she was still holding tight to his hand, as tight as she had been the whole time, as tightly as if he were the only lifeline between her and the rest of the world. He didn’t let go. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She nodded hard. “Just need some air.”

“Well, come on.” He helped her to her feet, steering her past the guys and ignoring Masamune’s muttered git some. “Let’s get you some.”

They stepped out onto the New York City street, the rumble of the subway overhead echoing through the dark street. She shut her eyes hard, her fingers still locked with his. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked, tracing a thin finger on her cheek.

First she nodded, but just as quickly, she shook her head hard, tears spilling to her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Shhh.” Mitsuhide wrapped his arms around her shoulders, cupping the back of her head and resting his chin in her soft hair. “Shh. Why are you crying?”

“It--” Choked sobs escaped her. “It felt on my skin the way it feels inside my chest.”

Oh. And what did he say to that? He smoothed long, fine lines along her cheeks, neck, shoulders, feeling her rock back and forth in her arms. And here she felt like something fragile, something delicate and honorable, something worth fighting and dying for--a ray of something he’d never had in his life. The emotional honesty and vulnerability struck him in the center of a dark, sunken part of his chest, like a diver shining a light into the center of a shipwreck long lost. 

“Was that bad?” He asked softly.

“No.” She shook her head against his chest. “No. It felt really validating.”

“Good.” Mitsuhide wrapped her tighter against him and shut his eyes. He hadn’t wanted another tattoo, or so he thought, but now--now, if he could turn the way she made him feel into a picture and burn it into his heart, he would. “God knows you deserve it.”

#inked #professional integrity #modern ikesen au #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen fanfic #my writing #mitsuhide akechi #akechi mitsuhide #ikesen mitsuhide #modern mitsuhide #yukimura sanada #sanada yukimura #ikesen yukimura #kenshin uesugi #uesugi kenshin #ikesen kenshin #shingen takeda #takeda shingen #ikesen shingen #sasuke sarutobi #sarutobi sasuke #ikesen sasuke #nobunaga oda #oda nobunaga #ikesen nobunaga #hideyoshi toyotomi #toyotomi hideyoshi #ikesen hideyoshi #ieyasu tokugawa

[letholojimin]

14: THE EPILOGUE (JJK)

STUCK SERIES - PART 14

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Themes: high school au to uni au, badboy & fuckboy jungkook

Genre: angst, fluff, smut

Word Count: 5,184

Summary: After being labelled the school’s biggest bad boy, Jeon Jungkook chooses to live up to the title. What he doesn’t know is that his arrogance will lead him to you.

SMUT WARNING

13 | EPILOGUE | MASTERLIST

To Jeon Jungkook, you’re the only girl in the world.

As both you and Jungkook grow older over the years, your love grows in strength. There are times wherein your loyalty and faith in each other is tested yet every obstacle only proves the greatness of your feelings for each other. Days bleed into months and months bleed into years and when you and Jungkook are accepted in your shared dream university, both of you and your families could not be any more ecstatic.

Your parents had arranged for the two of you to live in the same apartment with the condition that you had separate rooms. Both of you were speechless when you had found out about the deal between your families and you quickly agreed, happy that you were allowed to stay under the same roof at all. It was a lovely thing that your parents trusted each other’s because they had full support of the two of you’s relationship.

The boys had chosen varying courses, but they stayed within the vicinity. Your friends had decided to go to other colleges that were in different places from yours but you knew that you’d never replace each other because after all, high school was the golden time to make friends that you’d have for the rest of your life.

Now that the two of you were currently in your second year, you’ve had your fair share of college problems- constant exams, terror professors and college parties. You also knew how many girls had wanted your boyfriend, some even trying to steal him away at parties but he’d always been by your side so you’ve never had a problem with that.

Both of you sleep in the same bed, though, and the deal of your parents was intact because you had two rooms but the other one was pretty much left unoccupied. Both of you never get used to the feeling of waking up beside each other and starting the day with small talk or intimate moments to the sweet aroma of food cooked by one of you. Piece by piece, you felt your life coming together and slowly but surely, you knew you had found the one who you want to be with forever- because forever doesn’t seem that long when you’re with him.

Because he makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world because to him, you are. He takes you out to diner dates, dinner meals, movie theatres, long drives. He holds you close to let you know he’ll be there if you ever cry. He kisses you slowly on nights wherein you’ve had a long day and he takes care of you when you’re scared about your future- whispering in your ear that you are his past, present, and his own future as well.

He strips you bare and caresses your cheek before he kisses your lips and when the moonlight hits your face, he still wonders how you’re his. His hands lock on your waist and touch your core to which his fingers create sparks- he marks your neck and grinds into you and calls you a work of art.

He treats you so well to the point that you wonder how he’s real- how you love a man so pure and angelic. You don’t know how to reciprocate at times because he gives you everything in turn for your love and sometimes you doubt if you’re ever enough. These are the nights when Jungkook tucks you in, his scent radiating from you because you’re wearing his shirt. These are the nights you cry silently, sobbing into his chest. These are the nights his heart breaks because of your tear-stained cheeks.

He knows you are perfect and you are more than enough.

There are days wherein you bury yourself into school work brought about by your heavy major, and he offers back massages to you to ease the tension on your shoulders. Jungkook worries that you’re overworking yourself as you tend to forget about your health during these times, so he brings you healthy food for you to eat and makes sure that you have three meals a day.

Then there are days wherein he comes home wasted, and you take care of his busted lip. You don’t know what caused it but you make sure that overall, he’s alright. The next day you find out it’s because of another man whose girl is running after him and you wish you could take the pain away because something like that is not his fault. You bandage his fists and place advil and water on the bedside table for when he wakes.

There are nights wherein he cries too, worried about his life ahead. He says that you’re the only clear picture in his mind when he thinks about the future, worried that he might not do well in his current academics even though his grades are nothing short of stellar. You know he is passionate in everything he does, putting his best efforts in to make sure that his work is always outstanding. You comfort him on these nights wherein it all gets too much for him, telling him that you’re always there for him.

It’s just on one particular night though, that Jungkook screws up.

He comes home drunk off his ass, hair disheveled and by that time, you’re already waiting for him. It is rare that you do not accompany him to parties but today, you just weren’t feeling it. You had failed a long quiz the morning before considering it was a party on a Friday night and you didn’t think it was a good idea to celebrate or drink the night away. Jungkook was invited by the host himself though, and since he promised to make and appearance, you had let him go by himself.

There was never any instance of disloyalty in either parties so you’d never worried about that. Jungkook wasn’t the problem, it was always the girls who came dressed up like pimps hoping that it would allow their chances of him giving in after throwing themselves at him to increase.  You were always a little bit iffy about them because they were all snakes who’d stop at nothing to get what they want but you never realized that they would go to this extent.

It’s hard for you to fall asleep with no warm body beside you so you always end up waiting for Jungkook on your bed, watching netflix or scrolling through social media. You find yourself doing the latter on this particular night and when the snapchat stories keep playing, you didn’t expect to find your boyfriend’s face on there.

Jungkook is on fucking fire, moving on the dance floor like the god he knows he is before some skinny brunette appears in the frame and the snap continues. She walks closer to him, close enough to leave you worried and she begins grinding against him. In this moment you see red.

He doesn’t push her off- instead he pulls her closer.

His eyes are closed and then suddenly, the girl’s lips are on his and the snap cuts off there, the last parts of the audio being wild yelling over the bass at the bold action of the girl. In this moment, you see blue.

It takes a moment for you to realize that tears are loosely streaming down your face, stuck in disbelief from what had just happened. It can’t be him, you say to yourself. But it is him and you know it.

When Jungkook comes home piss drunk, you walk him to your shared room. You’re careful not to show him your face as he stumbles through the living area because he might see your puffy eyes. He falls down on the bed the moment he reaches it, falling into slumber right after his head hits the pillow.

It’s when you stand in front of the bed that you start crying again, the shattered parts of your heart lying all across the floor. You had tried not to inhale all that much when you were close to him, afraid that there would be the scent of another girl’s perfume on him. Heated moments like those on the dance floor only lead to one thing, and you can’t bear to let yourself know anything about that.

You bring out the bag you use for road trips, packing jeans, shirts, sleepwear and essentials. You change out of the shirt you’re wearing, heart hurting even more when you realize who the owner is before putting on a sweater of your own and matching track pants, slipping on your sneakers after neatly folding the cloth lent to you and placing it at the bottom of the bed.

You take your phone and your bag, holding your car keys in your hand. The metal feels heavy in your palm but your chest feels heavier when you take a deep breath before stepping outside, the cool air hitting your face. You lock the door behind you, walking towards your car and placing your things inside and eventually sitting down in the driver’s seat, putting the key in the ignition.

Love has its ups and its downs, but you never knew that the fall could hurt that much.

That night, you have a road trip alone.

-

The next morning, Jungkook wakes. There’s no advil or water on the bedside table and there’s no warm body beside his. There’s no smell of food or any kind of noise from outside the room. He gets up slowly, spotting the shirt you were wearing when he left for the party neatly folded on the corner of the bed. Immediately, he is confused because it is a Saturday morning and you hadn’t informed him of any plans you had. He checks the kitchen counter to see if you’ve left a note where both of you usually do if you head out but there’s nothing there.

He unlocks his phone which is almost drained of any battery to call you only to be led to voicemail.

“Y/N, baby, where are you? I woke up and there’s no note here. Maybe you just forgot to put one, but you never forget so please call me back. I love you.”

Jungkook sighs, opening his other messages. He sees several ones, the most recent one from a guy he’d recently met in one of his classes.

Daniel – 9:16 am

Holy shit man, you were so wild last night! What the fuck was that with Sohee!

What the fuck was that with Sohee? Who even was Sohee?

Jungkook – 11:37 am

What do you mean? Who the hell is Sohee?

He decides to check his other messages to see if he could figure out what had happened. He’s anxious about what he’s going to see but he knows he didn’t do anything wrong or bad last night. Right?

Taehyung – 3:42 am

Jungkook, I will actually fucking kill you when I get to your apartment today. You fucking wait.

Jimin – 2:09 am

I can’t believe you, Jungkook. You screwed up. Big time.

Seokjin – 2:03 am

If I were you, I’d be fucking running to Y/N right now. Heard she saw Sara’s snap. You little shit- I’m going to beat you the fuck up. Why the hell did you go to Alec’s party when we all know about his shit reputation?

What the hell? Where was all this coming from? Hastily, he opens his snapchat to check Sara’s snap, clicking on the circle to see a bunch of videos from last night. He clicks on most of them before he reaches the 10 hour ago mark which meant that they were from around 1:30 am. He watches intently, waiting to see what you could possibly be worried about.

After a few snaps, he finds himself watching a video of him aggressively dancing to the beat of one of the house songs, people surrounding him from every angle to watch him dance. All of a sudden there’s a girl with hair the same shade as yours, height nearly the same, slim and clad in a little black dress. She walks over to him, and his palms are suddenly clammy. When she grinds on him, he eyes grow wide and when he pulls her in closer, he almost drops his phone. “Fuck,” He mutters and when he sees the next snap, his breath hitches in his throat.

His lips are on hers and with that, Jungkook’s world stops and his phone falls to the ground.

-

It’s two days after the party and there’s still no trace of you. Not long after seeing the video did he find out that some of your shirts are missing, your favorite jeans are nowhere to be found and your converse and rubber shoes have disappeared from beside the front door. He breaks down, realizing that you’d left without any notice on purpose and sweat beads at his forehead as he tries to figure out what exactly had happened the night before.

You looked like her, so he didn’t have any second thought when the girl grinded on his crotch and kissed his lips but when he opened his eyes and saw that hers were not the same shade as yours, he’d pushed her off and hailed a ride home from one of his sober friends, stumbling through your door.

He remembers that you helped him until he reaches the bed and his head hit the pillow, causing him to fall asleep right away but what he doesn’t remember is how you looked like. If you already knew at that time, why did you still help him? Why did you leave only after he made it home, which was where you were?

Question after question bombard his brain, voicemail after voicemail left in your inbox. You don’t answer any of his texts, you stay silent on twitter and it’s like you disappeared off the face of the Earth. He finds his heart breaking, incredibly guilty and sorrowed that you had walked away from him and he was so sorry for his extremely stupid mistake. This was the biggest regret he’d ever had in his entire life.

When Taehyung arrived later on that day after the party, he yelled at Jungkook from outside the apartment and called him all sorts of things and hit him with a wide variety of profanities before he realized how silent the younger one was. When he finally saw Jungkook, he saw that he was crying silently, eyes puffy from earlier tears. In that moment, he swore he had never seen his own friend so heartbroken so he stopped talking, took his brother into his arms before the maknae finally spoke.

“Hyung…” He whispered, voice cracking. “I can’t believe I did that to her.”

-

Two days and a night spent in a small hotel room in a city between your hometown and your college spent crying, you find yourself in front of your doorstep back in your old city. Your parents welcome you home, overjoyed at how you had found the time to come back even though your college schedule was busy. You told them you were homesick and that you missed them so much which was the reason why you were there. They quickly believed you and when they asked where Jungkook was, you replied with a simple ‘he’s in college,’ before trudging up the stairs to your old room.

The place is still the same as before, the bed neat and the tables a little bit dusty but otherwise, it’s still home. You turn on the air conditioner and strip in your bathroom for a hot bath before breaking down again, leaning against the wall as you let your tears fall down. Eventually, the water runs cold and you’re forced to get out, spending the rest of the day holed up in your room. When your mother knocks at your door to invite you down for dinner, you politely decline and after you remember how it felt like when Jungkook made love to you on top of this bed, you cry yourself to sleep.

It’s Monday when Jungkook hears from his parents that they had seen you around town and wished that he would come home too. Without a second thought, he packs his bags and cuts all his classes for the day, relieved when he finds out that there’s nothing important scheduled. He takes the drive down to your shared hometown and arrives after a few hours, wanting nothing more than to visit your home. He goes against his will and heads to his parent’s place which he hadn’t stayed in since he was in sophomore year before his family agreed to let him room with Taehyung and Jimin.

Later that night, he drives over to your home just to be faced with your parents who tell him that you aren’t there and that you’d gone out with Jinah, a family friend. They tell him the girls number and with the disguise that you’re one of his closest friends, she tells him that you’re at a nearby club.

A few minutes later, he pulls up at the parking lot of the club. He enters the place, wondering how there could be so many people partying on a Monday before spotting you taking shot after shot at the bar counter before this guy approaches you, taking your hand to lead you to the dance floor.

He forces himself to watch, praying for the strength not to intercede with you both. At first, it’s innocent- hands to yourselves, but time passes and his fists balls at his sides when the man reaches over to place his lips on your neck and press his fingers to your hips. Jungkook snaps, trudging over to the guy and punching him square in the jaw.

You shriek, surprised at the sudden action brought to the person in front of you and when the man who assaulted him continues, you swear you recognize the raven hair. You recognize the shirt too- it’s a black material with an intricate font on the collar area and your heart stops. “Jungkook,” You whisper, not believing your eyes. You’re fazed for a moment, before realizing that he was beating the living shit out of this man so your nimble fingers press on his shoulder, urging him to stop.

He does, and you both make your way out. There is a cut on the top of his cheek from where the man had landed a strong hit. Jungkook’s knuckles are split open from the impact brought about by skin meeting skin and your chest hurts seeing him in this state. How is it that even after what he’s done, you still want him? How is it that your heart calls out for him even if your mind is so against it?

Jungkook’s in pain. Not physically- that is incomparable to the sting he feels internally brought about by seeing your face again after days of not knowing your whereabouts. That has been the longest time you had gone without each other and when he sees that you don’t even know what to say at this point drives him insane. The tension can be cut with a knife as you walk to his car, and it only gets thicker once the two of you are in it.

His scent surrounds you and before you know it, you’re toying with the hem of your short dress, unable to speak. Jungkook refuses to drive, though, and instead he looks at you. You’re tugging at loose strands of cloth, fingers fiddling about and he can see your obvious discomfort. It only hurts him further to know that he’s the reason behind this, behind mutual pain.

Before you can speak, he starts.

“Y/N, what that snap didn’t get was how I pushed her away right after she kissed me.” He explains, hoping that you give him another chance. You continue to look down at your lap, so he continues.

“I don’t know who she was, I wasn’t in my right mind and when he started grinding on me, I thought she was you because I would touch anyone else or let anyone else do that to me. Only you, baby. Only you.”

“I know I love you. You know it too. I know there are moments where I fail to show you that and I know I screwed up but baby, believe me when I say I’m so unbelievably sorry. I would never do anything to hurt you because I love you.” He’s tearing up, words coming out in broken whispers.

“I always tell you what I can’t tell anyone else because I trust you more than myself. I tell you how you’re the only constant thing I see in my future in this ever-changing world and these days have been hell for me because for the first time, I had to picture my life without you in it. I was so damn scared and I can’t let you go, not without you knowing that you are the only one for me, that I didn’t kiss that girl back. I have to let you know that I am yours- from my mind to my soul, you have me wrapped around your finger.”

“Y/N, please. Please know how sorry I am, please say something.” He’s become more desperate now and you’re afraid to look up because if you see how beautiful and broken he looks, you might start crying. But it turns out you don’t even need to see him for water to prick at your eyes, threatening to spill.

When you blink, still fumbling, you finally speak up. “Nothing happened?”

It’s a whisper, one that would never be heard if not for the silence of his car, but it’s enough for Jungkook to reach over and clasp your cold palms in his bruised, warm ones. He responds right away, worried if he doesn’t speak, you’ll let go. “Nothing, baby, I swear. I would never ever cheat on you.”

“Do you promise?”

Your voice cracks and you look up at him for the first time, well aware of the tears on your cheeks.

Jungkook stops breathing, guilt overcoming his entire body because he’s the reason behind your pain- both of you are hurting but if he hadn’t gone to that fucking party, you’d still be in his arms right now.

“I swear upon it.” He whispers moving closer to you to hold you cheek in his palm. His thumbs wipe your tears away, pulling you in closer until your foreheads are touching. It’s dizzying to hold you like this; you are more intoxicating than any drink or any drug and he is addicted to you.

“I love you, okay?” You say, closing your eyes and breathing out. “I love you so much that it scares me. I know that there are so many prettier, smarter, hotter girls running after you and I thought you’d finally given in. I kept hoping that you’d stay mine and you’d proven that you would and that you will. I love you.”

“I’m yours just as much as you say you are mine, Jeon Jungkook. I hope that you know that.”

With those words, you close the gap between you two and connect your lips. Immediately, you can taste the mint he always pops in his mouth when he’s driving. Jungkook tastes the tequila you’ve previously consumed and he kisses you slowly.

You move over the center console to straddle his waist and he gladly lets you sit on his lap. It’s him who breaks the kiss to stare into your eyes before he mutters something almost inaudible. “Your eyes are the only ones I would ever fall for.”

These are the words he says before he places his hands on the sides of your hips possesively, not being able to stand knowing that another man had held you like this only mere minutes ago. He nudges your nose with his before he tilts his head and he places his lips back on yours.

You sigh in content, happy to feel his body so close to yours after sleeping alone for the past few nights. You weave your fingers through his hair and reciprocate before he sucks on your bottom lip for entrance.

You take it slow, his other hand trailing up your side to cup your cheek. Jungkook swipes his knuckles gently across the skin before biting lightly on your lip, causing you to gasp. You open your mouth and his tongue swipes against yours. Before you know it, you’re gripping on his shirt, hand balled into a fist as your crumple the fabric.

His strong thighs tense under you, and a low groan resonates from his throat when your tongues start massaging each other. He sucks slightly on yours, eliciting small sounds from you. Jungkook kisses you the way he knows he’ll drive you insane- sensually and slowly, holding you close and savoring your presence.

Your mouth moves south, and he breathes out. The moment Jungkook inhales, you latch your lips on his neck. You suck lightly on different parts, near his collarbone, below his jawline before you reach his adam’s apple and continue to leave marks. Jungkook sighs when you start sucking on his sweet spot, right below his left ear.

The boy in front of you throws his head back on the headrest, allowing you more space. Throaty growls escape from his lips as you continue pleasuring him. When you finally halt your movements, you’re sure that the mark will turn out purple after a few moments. You press chaste kisses on it before wetting it with your tongue, finally disconnecting from his neck.

“Baby, I missed you so much.”

-

Both you and Jungkook make your way back to your college one day after, and come Tuesday night you’re forced to book a hotel room because the traffic is simply unbearable. Both of you are drained from the long drives and you head to the room immediately, preparing to sleep for the night.

Jungkook isn’t exactly ready to let you fall asleep for the night yet though, despite the fact that it’s already nearing midnight. That night, he takes off your clothes slowly, taking in the feeling of your skin beneath his fingertips.

Your breaths come out in pants, body calling out for him. Few days without him seemed like a really long expanse of time and as he places his large hands on your unclothed breasts, you happily relish in the feeling of familiarity.

It is during that time that Jungkook reciprocates the marks you had left on him the night before, nibbling slightly on the skin on your collarbones. He whispers sweet nothings into your ear before stripping down himself, not being able to handle the need he feels for you.

“Jungkook…” You call out, desperate for him to do something as he aligns his length in front of your entrance. “I need you.”

That’s all it takes for him to plunge his length into your warmth, your body causing him pleasure. He forces himself to take it slow. He grinds his cock into you, the natural curve of his length reaching deep within. “Mine,” he whispers, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Yours.” You reply, clasping at his back, desperate for something to hold onto to keep you grounded. His skin slaps against yours, hips hitting hips, bodies jutting forward in an attempt to feel more of each other. Jungkook’s sweat beads on his hairline and you let yourself sink down into the mattress only for your back to arch back up to meet Jungkook’s chest.

He wraps an arm around your waist to keep you in place so he can thrust into you harder and deeper and your body writhers underneath his touch, sparks where his fingertips press onto your skin. “Yours.” He breathes into your ear, pushing harder. Your high is building up quickly and your stomach knots, eager for release.

Jungkook places his fingers on your clit, rubbing the way he knows will stimulate you the most. “Mine.” You yell, screaming out his name as you come undone. Your body goes limp as he rides out your high while chasing his own, painting your walls in his own while liquid.

He pulls out moments later and both of you fall asleep, holding each other near.

-

When Jungkook wakes up the next morning, you aren’t beside him.

He panics as he runs his hands through the covers only to find that you aren’t there and he swear he worries because he’s reminded of how you left so abruptly only a few days ago. Jungkook gets up, naked and everything only to feel the cool breeze hit his skin, seeing that you’re leaning against the balcony.

The sun is rising and the clock in the room says that it’s just a little before six am. Your body is clad in a bathrobe, your hair loose and untamed. The wind blows your locks in all sorts of directions and he reaches for another robe inside the closet. He puts it on and joins you outside, not missing the way the sunlight hits your face at the most beautiful angle.

“Good morning, my love.” Jungkook greets, placing a long, meaningful kiss on your forehead. “Good morning, Jungkook,” You mumble lazily, wrapping your arms around his torso. He’s got you in a hugging position at that moment, and you never want to let go.

“What are you doing out here at this time?” He questions, and you feel the vibration of his lips against your skin. “I was thinking.”

“Hmm?”

“Of how much I love you.”

Jungkook can feel himself blush, heart fluttering at the unexpected answer he got. He smiles against your forehead, happily relishing in the moment you’re lucky enough to experience. By now, the sun is peeking through the clouds and is almost about to fully rise. “Y/N, marry me.”

His words catch you off guard and you look up at him, surprised. “What?”

“Maybe not now, maybe not until we figure out the rest of our lives,” He continues, holding your hand. “But one day, please,”

“Marry me.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else. You tiptoe slightly and bring your head up so your lips can meet his because already, you’ve got an answer.

“Yes, Jeon Jungkook,” You start, tears pricking your eyes.

Love has different ways of appearing in your life. It can be in the form of your parents who take care of you and prepare you for the world ahead of you since the moment you are born, it can be in the form of your best friends who listen to you when nobody else will, and it can be in the form of a raven-haired boy who shows you all the colors of the spectrum only to accentuate red- the color of his deep passion.

When the time is right, “I’ll marry you.”

and the epilogue is finally here. thank you so much to everyone who has read and supported this series, you are the reason why i was motivated to continue this even though it got hard at times. i hope you enjoyed this rather angsty ending and i hope you enjoyed the transition from how they were a high school couple to a college couple! i might write extra scenarios for this, so please send in asks and watch out for that. thank you so much for supporting stuck, my first ever tumblr series, and i hope you continue to read my work. thank you so much- thank you, thank you, thank you. 

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