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sunsetsimon · 8 months

Text

a couple of dad!simon headcanons ♡

- hello! i'm sun, and this is my new writing account! i haven't written properly in years, so please go easy on me!

simon “ghost” riley x fem!reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

☼ simon never imagined having a family of his own. even after the first few years of being together, the thought never crossed his mind. until your best friend had a baby...

your best friend was visiting with her newborn and seeing you holding the baby flipped a switch in his head. you smiled and cooed at him, causing the baby to flash a toothless smile. there was a twinkle in your eye that he hadn’t noticed before and he pictured you glowing so beautifully as you held your own daughter, a mini version of you and him all in one. he didn’t bring it up for weeks as he thought it through himself. was having a family even possible for him? was he just being selfish?

☼ it comes up one day after you notice he’d been unusually quiet while spending time together. he wasn’t the most talkative, but he enjoyed conversations with you, even joking here and there.

“is everything okay, si? you’ve been extra quiet today.”

“hmm, yeah. just been zoning off.” he shrugs, unsure how to approach the subject. he knows you would listen but he doesn’t know how he’d react if your answer was no.

deciding rejection is better than never knowing, he sharply inhales, “have you ever thought about having children?”

the question throws you off, certainly random for a guy who doesn’t speak much of the future. you sit for a second debating your answer, and simon’s chest clenches in anxious anticipation.

“i have a few times, nothing too serious though. it never seems like there’s a good time for us.”

he nods in agreement, “been thinking about it these days. maybe it’s something we can consider.”

☼ needless to say, you both decide after many conversations and more time, that expanding your family is something you’re open to. you stop your contraception soon after and begin trying. he becomes even more attentive, constantly checking in with you and doing plenty of research on how to make your pregnancy easy. he gets you anything you want - whenever you want. and back and foot massages become part of your everyday routine.

☼ recognizes that he won't always be around because of his extremely demanding work. he checks in whenever he can, even writing letters if he has to. it breaks his heart having to miss doctor appointments and weekly milestones with you, but you always know he tries his absolute best for you two.

☼ simon loves skin to skin contact for the first few months. he loves to lay with her against his chest and drift off to the tv while you take a quick shower. he finds himself just watching her a lot, trying to memorize every movement her tiny body makes.

☼ soooo protective. no kisses, no pets, no sick people, doesn’t allow anything that could be of risk near her. he always has the two of you in his sight, preferring to push the stroller as you walk on the side of him.

☼ he's not one to care for style, so you do the main planning for the nursery. he builds all of the furniture for you while you watch. he looks so hot in his grey sweats and a black t-shirt that you can't help but distract him a few times.

☼ it's a hard adjustment for him having to return for a mission after she's born. he spends his entire last day holding and watching her, a sad slouch in his shoulders.

"gonna miss you so much, darlin. i'll be back as soon as i can," he whispers, gently kissing her forehead before handing her back to you. simon's hands grip your waist, pulling you in close to kiss you deeply before resting his forehead against yours. "i need my girls to stay safe. ill update you when i can, dove."

whenever he can, he scrolls though his videos on his phone just to see her face. her eyes twinkle brighter than any star to him and a slight smile creeps under his mask.

☼ relieves you from baby care when he can tell you’re exhausted. sighing and pulling yourself out of bed when crying erupts through the baby monitor. he doesn’t get up at first, but when the crying continues for a minute, he comes to check on you. he pushes the door cracked door open, revealing you desperately hushing and bouncing her in your arms. your eyes are tired and heavy, wishing for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

“i got ‘er. go back to bed love,” simon says, taking his baby girl into his arms.

you give him a weak smile and a thankful squeeze at his arm, walking straight to bed without another peep. he holds her close to his chest as he sits down in the chair, propping her neck up as he stares down at her. her eye color matches his, but she resembles you more and more everyday. he’s enamored by her, his beautiful little girl that he created with the love of his life.

she quiets down shortly, falling back asleep in his arms as he rocks her slowly. his own eyes grow heavy, and he sets her down in her crib before returning back to bed. he climbs in behind you, pulling your back to his chest and planting a soft kiss on the side of your neck.

“if she wakes up again i’ll take care of it. you just sleep darling,” simon whispers, receiving a hum in response from you as you snuggle into him.

he takes care of his girls so well.

#ugh i want him to be happy so bad #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x you #dad!simon riley #.wbm

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luveline · 9 months

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Hii

Whenever you have time could you please do more single dad!Spencer. It’s just too cute and it really warms my heart how you write it.

tysm ♡ dad!spencer and his daughter amanda find their reunion unexpectedly interrupted when you need a place to stay the night. fem!reader, 3.4k

Spencer doesn't mind how tactile Amanda is. If anything, he loves it, content to have her sitting in his lap or on his hip, anywhere he goes and anywhere she wants to be. He tries to get in as much affectionate time with her as he can when he's home to make up for his days away.

He doesn't like missing her, but he loves coming home. Amy sits on his stomach while Spencer lays on the couch, using his thighs as a backboard while they both fail to pay attention to the kids cartoons on their TV.

"Were you good for Mrs. Gomorrah?" he asks, though he knows she was. He had to live through the agony that was teaching Mrs. Gomorrah how to text on a cell phone he bought for her years ago, but it was worth it to get those incremental updates that he relies on every day to get to the next without catching a flight home.

Amy had pizza

Amy misses you. She said she is kissing you through my phone

Wants a new dress for school party tonight, emergency money OK to use? said she loves you

Aaskkk k k o

Sorry, accidentally texted you, Amanda made dinner tonight [photo]

The text messages help being far away feel less like torture. Spencer loves his job but he wonders if he should love it less, sometimes, when Mrs. Gomorrah remembers how to send photos, or when he can make it back to the hotel before bed time and call Amy.

But here she is in the flesh. Spencer doesn't worry about work when she's holding his hand.

"I was good," she confirms, wiping hair from her face with a blue sleeve. She's in her pyjamas at three thirty. Spencer's in his matching set, blue long sleeve t-shirts with two dogs —a grown up and a puppy, seemingly a dad dog and his daughter— on the shirt and miniature dogs on the pants. "Promise. We did fruit kebabs last night."

Spencer saw photos, but he still says, "Yeah? What fruits did you have? You know, strawberries will be extra yummy again soon because they're back in season."

"We had strawberries, and bananas, and the green one, kiwi." She puts one of her feet up on his chest. He makes wide eyes at it to hear her giggle. "And with chocolate and maple syrup, it was really yummy."

"We should make Tanghulu."

This is a new word for Amy. "Tanghulu?"

"It started with a berry called Chinese hawthorn, but now people use lots of different fruits. You make a fruit kebab, but instead of chocolate, you dip the fruit into hot sugar and it goes hard as it cools like rock candy, and you have good strong teeth, so you could eat it no problem."

"It turns the fruit into candy?" she asks, wiggling her toes.

"Kind of." Spencer covers her foot with his hand unthinkingly. She looks tired already though it's only the afternoon. She gets very tired when Spencer comes home, like she'd been waiting. "Do you want to have a nap with me, sweetpea?"

"No, I don't think so."

Spencer made a mistake when she was younger. He thought leaving while she was sleeping would make it easier to say goodbye. It was for him, but Amy didn't sleep or eat right for days, and Spencer had to come home before the case was over to stop her from making herself sick. They've worked on it, Spencer never ever leaves without saying goodbye, but she still gets scared to sleep when they're together sometimes.

He ushers her forward. "Come here," he says, "quick, give me a hug." She flops forward and Spencer arranges her into a cuddle, hand against her hair, his nose pressed to her forehead. "I missed you."

"Missed you more," she says.

"Not true. I missed you so much."

"Don't go away again for a day," she says.

"I'm staying home for a whole week. Maybe longer, okay? But I promise you, seven whole days no matter what." And he means it. The only thing that could change his mind is a mass murder situation, but otherwise, they'll have to make it work without him. He hates to say that kind of thing, but he has to say it, because Amy is his first priority.

She relaxes into his arms. "Okay."

His phone rings, because of course it does. Amy frowns her displeasure with tears shining silver in her eyes. Spencer shakes his head at her, "I'm not going, Ames. I promised. I won't answer anybody, this week is just going to be me and you."

She glares at the phone and rests her chubby cheek on his chest. Spencer wonders if it's uncomfortable considering his lack of padding and sits up with an arm behind her seatbelting her to his front. "Let's go watch TV in bed."

Her hands grab at the back of his shirt. "Bring your phone, dad," she says.

Spencer kisses the side of her head. "No, I told you already, I'm not going."

"What if Mrs. Gomorrah wants to come for dinner?" she asks, her voice smaller, sleepy. She rubs her face into his front.

It's a good point. Spencer picks up his phone to check if it was her and frowns at the missed call. It's you. You've texted him too.

"It's Y/N," he says.

Amy knows you because whenever he's had to bring her with him (not often, but occasionally on regular work days when there's school reset days), you're very, very kind to her. You're not sure of yourself around kids but it doesn't matter, you let Amy sit with you if she wants to and you always talk to her with care, offer her snacks, anything that you can share.

It's why he calls you back. That, and you're a nice friend.

—

You're feeling about as ashamed and sheepish as a girl can be as you take the elevator up to Spencer's floor. You don't want to impose on anybody, but you'd rather have died than ask Hotch, JJ's taking a vacation in Santa Monica, Penelope's on a conference with Kevin, Emily chose to use her week on an undisclosed trip, and Morgan was similarly off the radar.

And you know Spencer has Amanda, you know they've been apart for longer than they've been together this month, and you hate interrupting their time together, but… you couldn't stay home no matter how badly you wanted to. Stupid landlord. Stupid cockroaches and stupid fumigation tents.

You carry your go bag with nothing but a week's worth of dirty clothes and your wallet. Your phone is about to die and you'd really wanted, more than anything, to crawl into bed and sleep the daytime away.

You've never been to Spencer's apartment despite knowing him well, and liking him more. You knock on the door, apartment 305B. You're dead on your feet at this point, exhausted by the jet ride home, the commute to your apartment, the subsequent ten minutes spent crying on the sidewalk, and the next half hour debating if you could bother Spencer. Maybe you should've got a hotel, but it was already getting late and you just needed something familiar. Selfishly, you needed someone you knew after such a shitty case.

"Hello," Spencer says, opening the door with a familiar girl held in his arms, "don't mind my jacket."

Amy's clearly sleeping, tiny snores echoing from near his neck. It's cute, but it makes you feel much worse. "I'm sorry–"

He doesn't let you apologise, "Are you kidding? What were you gonna do? We're excited to have you." He's kind of talking to you like Amy's still awake, enthusiastic whisper-shouting as he pulls you inside.

"It's just for tonight, I promise. They said I'll be able to back in by evening tomorrow," you say, holding your bag to your chest. You blink at him as you follow him to the kitchen. "Are you wearing matching pyjamas?"

"You came over last minute!" he defends with a laugh.

Spencer opens his hand for your bag and puts it behind a steaming bowl of soup. "Oh, were you guys eating dinner?" you ask.

"No, that's for you. I'm gonna put Amy in bed and then I can do your laundry. Did you need a hug?"

"What?"

Spencer smiles at you. "I thought maybe you're having a bad day." He offers his empty arm and you don't know how to say no, don't want to, careful not to bump into Amy as you curl your arm behind his back. "We're happy to have you. You could stay all week and that would be fine. Did they really give you no warning?"

"I called my landlord and he laughed and then kind of got quiet. I think he forgets that I live there."

Spencer pulls away and puts a hand on Amy's back. She's very slight like Spencer but if she were any older he'd struggle to carry her for as long as he has. You can see the fatigue trembling in his left arm. "It's not legal for him to leave you with nowhere to stay, and without any notice. You could ask Hotch–"

"It's okay." You gesture to Amy's face. "She's getting so big."

"And heavy. Be back in a few. Eat on the couch if you want to."

You wouldn't. Spencer takes Amy into one room off of the main room, and then comes back to grab your laundry before disappearing into another. His apartment is a fun but odd layout, the door leading into a living room slash kitchen with a dining table, then opening out left and right, bedrooms toward the back of the apartment and a bathroom behind. It reminds you of a flower, that central hub of life and the petals curling outward.

You pick up your spoon cautiously. He definitely said the food was for you, but it's so strange to be greeted with a meal, you can't remember the last time someone made sure you had something to eat.

Spencer doesn't attract your attention until he's pulling up a chair next to you with two glasses set on the table. "I put your pyjamas on quick wash. And your, uh, your grey bag."

Your grey bag is a little net bag full of delicates. You try to be adult about it, but it's so super awkward that you end up laughing aloud, "Oh, shit, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you. I just put the entire bag in, like, intact."

You believe that, but you infer from the tightness of his voice that he's worried you'll think he's weird. Honestly, he's just nice, even if it's awkward. Everybody wears underwear. "That's what it's for," you say.

"Do you think they make those in a bigger size? Amy's vests get tangled sometimes because the straps are skinny, that would be useful."

"I'm sure they do," you say, toying with your spoon. "I… really don't know how to say thank you. I know we're friends, but it's different. To let me stay."

"When I was a kid I didn't have many friends. By high school I didn't have one. So I never got to have sleepovers until Amanda. And she's my best friend, but she's six, so…"

You both laugh suddenly, beaming at one another in your wrinkled, mismatched clothes.

You finish your meal through lighthearted conversation. Spencer takes your dish for the sink and you both move to the couch to watch TV.

Clifford the Big Red Dog plays on mute. "I know you're thrilled to watch something this intellectually tantalising, but maybe we should watch a movie. There's a guide under the cushion," Spencer says.

You dig for the guide but wherever he thinks it is, it isn't.

"Doesn't matter. Mrs. Gomorrah will have one, I'll take her some dinner at the same time. Would you keep your ear on Amy? She might wake up."

He makes a tray for Mrs. Gomorrah, a neighbour and good friend of his. You've met her once when she brought Amy into the office, an Italian-American woman who's black and silver hair bounced when she talked. Beside his mother living in a sanitarium in Nevada, and his small daughter, Mrs. Gomorrah is Spencer's only family. He treats her accordingly.

The washing machine starts to beep a few minutes after he's left. You spring from the couch and track down his washer and dryer, transferring your damp wash into the dryer and frowning at the machine's strange settings.

"Daddy?" a small voice calls. Sharper, unhappy, "Daddy?"

"Amy!" you say, moving from your crouch to stand in the doorway. "Hi, honey! Your dad just went to give Mrs. Gomorrah some dinner."

Amy squints at you. "Miss Y/N?"

"Hi," you say tentatively. "My house is kind of broken for a bit and I asked your dad if I can stay the night." You bend to meet her eyes properly. "Would that be okay with you?"

"Yeah," she says, smiling. "Yeah, please stay. Daddy's friends never come over."

"Did you need something, honey? I can help."

"No… You're sure he's at Mrs. Gomorrah's?"

"Definitely one hundred percent positive. He can't go to work without me, can he?"

Amy shrugs little shoulders. "I guess not."

You can't help laughing at her. With the sound of the dryer bumping behind you, you meet Amy near the dining table and touch her shoulder gently to prompt her toward the couch. She jumps up onto the seat with the most cushions and you sit beside her. You and Spencer never managed to pick a movie, so the kids channel still plays on mute.

"How do you turn it up?" you ask, offering her the remote hopelessly.

Amy sidles against your side and points. You click the small white speaker button, greeted by the barks of another episode of Clifford.

"Is this one okay?" you ask.

"I love Clifford."

It can't be two minutes before she rests her head against your arm, her hand locking over the crook of your elbow.

You're not sure what to do. She's Spencer's kid, so she probably does. "Do you want a cuddle?" you ask her. You'd be happy to give her one, but you don't know what's okay with her.

"Please."

You hang your arm across her shoulders and behind her back, stroking a tentative and short line into her arm, just once. "These are nice pyjamas, Amy. I saw your dad has the same ones." They're soft under your arm. Her hair brushes your wrist as she turns her head to crinkle her nose at you.

"Thank you. Me and dad have all matching pyjamas," she says proudly.

"All?"

"Well, maybe not all. But lots."

She hums and shuffles closer to your chest. It felt odd at first —although Amy has sat in your lap at your desk at work, and even given you a hug on her birthday to say thank you for the books and candies, you're not used to children or the things that they want. But it feels less foreign the longer she sits there, and you find yourself relaxing for the first time that day.

Spencer comes back with a shiny TV Guide Magazine and a bundle of Amy's clothes under his arm. His eyes light up as her head peeks over the back of the couch.

"Sorry, I was just at Mrs. Gomorrah's," he says, quickly putting everything down to take her into his arms.

"I know," Amy says into his shirt.

He kisses her head. You almost miss it, the affection quiet and swift. "Was your nap okay? Or do you need another one?"

"Dad! Y/N's here."

"Y/N doesn't care that you take naps, she takes naps too." Snoozing up against his shoulder with drool running down your chin.

"No, I can't sleep because we're having a slumber party!"

"We are?" he asks.

"But she needs matching jammies."

"Well, I don't have anything matching, but it won't be long for all my clothes to dry. I can wear jammies, then, at least," you assure her, sending Spencer a squinting smile that says, She's the cutest thing on planet Earth.

He smiles back, as if to say, She really is. "Maybe Y/N wants a nap."

Amy's concern lands on you. She climbs out of Spencer's arms, pressing her hand to your shoulder. "Please don't nap, I want to play games."

"I'll play games, babe," you say. "Any game you want."

"Yes! And, and maybe we can make, um–" Puzzled, Amy quirks her mouth into a frown and bounds back to Spencer. He rounds the couch and leans down at her gesturing. "What's it called, the fruit candy?" she whispers.

"From earlier?" he whispers back. "It's tanghulu. Tang-who-loo."

She whispers a sweet thank you, spinning on the spot with her hands held behind her back. "We can make tanghulu, it's fruit kebabs turned to candy! Do you want to?"

Spencer smooths her hair back from her face. "You don't have to," he mouths, already squeezing her arm like he's prepared to talk her down.

"Well, if it's okay with your dad I'd love to."

She gasps happily, jumping down off the sofa to race into the bathroom. "I'll wash my hands!"

Spencer snorts and sits on the couch arm. "Notice how she didn't even ask me?"

"You know that's a good thing." Spencer's probably read every parenting book there is. "She's so smart, Spencer. So smart, it's incredible. You're amazing."

He scratches the collar of his sleep shirt, his curls moving as though woken by a gentle breeze as he nods to one side, "She shows some signs of an eidetic memory. Not like mine, but most children who have eidetic memories don't have them like I do. I can't take the credit for that, you know, beyond genetics."

"Of course you can, someone had to teach her these things for her to remember them. You're never as nice to yourself as you should be, Spence. Everybody knows you're a great dad." You slouch back into the couch. "And I'm not just saying that because you're letting me stay for free."

"There's no version of this situation where I would ever charge you. Thank you, Y/N. Having her by myself has been hard– it's hard. She's easy and I love her and she's better for me than she probably should be." He winces, his talking rushed, like he's listing statistics. "I haven't really been by myself. Mrs. Gomorrah. The team. We've known each other for a year but you act like Amy's family whenever you see her, and that means a lot to me. That's why I'm glad you called. You can always call me if you need help."

"You can always call me," you murmur back.

Spencer bumps your thigh with his knuckles. "I'm glad we're friends. Are you sure you're not too tired? Tanghulu isn't easy if you've never made it."

"Says who?"

"East Asian Eating, issue 78. We have to find the sugar, water, glucose syrup sweet spot or the candy doesn't harden."

"We can do it. You're the smartest guy I know, and I've been known to be resourceful. Plus, we have a world class assistant."

Spencer stands up and offers you his hand to help you come with him, his fingers brushing yours for a moment that seems to stretch for minutes. "Just curious," he says softly, to your heart's clear delight, "when was your last check up at the dentist?"

Right. He isn't about to tell you something you want to hear. This is Spencer —you should've guessed an odd question was on the horizon.

"I'll have to think about it," you say.

Amy bounds out of the bathroom and paints a trail of water droplets from the table to the kitchen. "He thinks you have weak teeth!" she explains.

"That is not what I think."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #dad!spencer reid

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sirenlulls · 9 months

Text

baby i'm yours → g. gallagher

pairing —gene gallagher x albarn!reader

summary —where gene’s a bit of a cheeky bastard & you post a new podcast episode

baby, i'm yours, and i'll be yours until two and two makes three

♡ liked by lennongallagher, damonalbarn, and 66,987 others

genegallagher bitz n bobz

user blud was def giggling to himself choosing the second pic

↳ user "they're gonna think im so cool for this"

↳ user "everyone's gonna be so jealous I'm sleeping with the it girl of the millenium" WELL I AM JEALOUS. IM SEETHING WITH JEALOUSY. IM GREEN WITH ENVY. THANK YOU MR GALLAGHER. I HOPE UR HAPPY.

user step up the game bro not enough y/n

↳ genegallagher I'll work on it

yourusername hihihihihihihihihi

yourusername hello

yourusername hey *in a really cool n suave n sexy voice*

↳ genegallagher Hello

↳ yourusername ur pretty cute icl 🤭

↳ genegallagher You're not too bad yourself xx

yourusername just scraped my knee falling for u

↳ genegallagher There's plasters in the bathroom press

↳ yourusername let me flirt with you ballache bastard

↳ genegallagher I've never felt so romanced 😍😍

yourusername guys don't be fooled, he had no idea how to use the camera!!! he's a caveman!!!!

↳ genegallagher Smh this defamation is heartbreaking.

↳ yourusername awe the baby :(

user mum and dad

user my pants drop every time i see them

↳ user ur so me

ruby1kid Such angels xx Must meet up again soon!! Love you both 😘😘❤️❤️💋💋

↳ genegallagher Love you too xx

↳ yourusername definitely!! missing our chats xx

♡ liked by lizzymcalpine, stellajones, and 86,799 others

yourusername look the lover to the beach (plus a hidden gem of moody chops junior + senior)

liamgallagher Who are you calling moody chops?

↳ yourusername no one special 😇

↳ user oh no the gallagher cheek is getting to her

genegallagher Don’t appreciate this.

↳ yourusername poor thing :(

genegallagher You look okay I guess…….

↳ yourusername sleep on the couch xoxo

genegallagher Think those shells are still in my coat pocket

↳ yourusername forgot you picked them up tbh 😭

↳ genegallagher Kinda had to since you kept going on about how pretty they were 😔🙄

↳ user only relationship ever

gracieabrams ilyilyilyilyily

gracieabrams hi wife

↳ yourusername hi loverrrrr

bobbyskeetz beach.

↳ yourusername beach!

↳ bobbyskeetz beach?

↳ genegallagher beach

↳ user gene is soooo sick of this shit lmao i eat it up all the time

user mother is mothering so hard y’all

user im in love w you

user i wont u so bad

user nepotism done right i’m on my knees fr

graciebrns AHHHHBHBABABABABHAAAA

↳ user grace is so me

graciebrns i love u sososo bad

↳ yourusername I LOVE YOU MORE PRETTYYYYY

♡ liked by lennongallagher, izzy_richmond, and 86,799 others

genegallagher Got dragged to the beach and got some of the best views

yourusername omg romance?? i didn’t know it did that 😱😱

↳ genegallagher Won’t happen again xx

yourusername iloveu

↳ genegallagher I love you too

yourusername you’re so sappy

↳ genegallagher If it’s such a problem I can stop

↳ yourusername NO ITS CUTE

user the last pic 🤭🤭🤭

user praying damon skips this post because he doesn’t deserve to be traumatised at the last slide

user “some of the best views” gene can u kys i deserve this life

user genes getting too bold im half expecting to see tits on the tl soon

↳ user don’t give him ideas

ruby1kid Stunning!!! ❤️❤️ Hope you’re having the best time, lovies!! 🥰🥰🥰

↳ yourusername we’re having a ball! can’t wait to see you next week xx

↳ ruby1kid I expect to see all the photos (even the bad ones) 🤣🤣🤣🤣

↳ yourusername oh especially the bad ones 😝

↳ genegallagher I don’t like this

genegallagher just updated their instagram story!

yourusername just updated their instagram story!

#gene's girl.#gene gallagher x reader #gene gallagher #liam gallagher #lennon gallagher #damon albarn #britpop #britpop x reader #nepo baby!reader #nepo baby x reader #nepo baby #social media au #instagram #instagram au #celebrity!reader #famous!reader

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autistichalsin · 4 months

Note

It goes without saying that Halsin's personality is more than meets the eye, and many players pass up the chance to get to know him better and to think deeply about the things he says. Finding people like you who try to convey how great this character is warms the heart.

But one thing remains... If only Larian gave us more options in dialogs with Halsin to allow him to open up, to be himself for just a couple of moments. Have you ever watched the scene between Karlach and Astarion about coming back to Avernus? He virtually cries if she refuses, accepting that he loves her, he is afraid to lose her, and he does not want to be alone anymore. And he is not ashamed about that.

I wish Tav could say that he or she wants just Halsin. Not the Archdruid, not the unmatched healer of the Emerald Grove, but Halsin. The way he is, without hiding his pain, fears, or worries. And there would be no shame in being vulnerable with your partner or changing into a bear all of a sudden.

Thank you for capturing such meaningful moments in relationships in your fiction. I am truly grateful and enjoying every part of it. You have managed to fill the emptiness left after the game. I'm looking forward to new chapters and wish you the best of luck!

Thank you so, so much! Halsin is so much more complex than most realize and I'm so glad you enjoy my posts and fics. <3

But one thing remains... If only Larian gave us more options in dialogs with Halsin to allow him to open up, to be himself for just a couple of moments.

UGH, yeah. He needs more moments of being vulnerable. One I keep coming back to was cut from early access, where after he found Thaniel, he'd cry "oh my friend, my embrace could break you in two, such is my gratitude, but as you can see, my hands are full". Just such open emotion from him... I wish we still had that.

Have you ever watched the scene between Karlach and Astarion about coming back to Avernus? He virtually cries if she refuses, accepting that he loves her, he is afraid to lose her, and he does not want to be alone anymore. And he is not ashamed about that.

I have seen that. Halsin has a line, if romanced to her, where he says "do not yield, Karlach. The world has need for you yet- I have need for you yet. Please," and the little "please" sounds so broken. (Which just makes it more baffling that he refuses to accompany to her Avernus and is just kinda "lol w/e" about it. I could see him not being able to go, but he would. be so much more... guilty about it. For them having such warm interactions the rest of the time, this makes no sense at all.)

Agree. I want to be able to assure him he doesn't have to be anything or anyone else. Just Halsin is exactly what we want. Hell, just getting to verbally acknowledge his self-esteem issues would be huge!

Thank you so much!! I hope to update Too Many Burdens to Bear this week, and if all goes well maybe I'll be able to update Taken Sick too!!! Thank you for your kind message <3

#halsin #halsin silverbough #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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ashwhowrites · 2 years

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If you are taking angst prompts still maybe a mix of 3 and 5 with Steve? Maybe Steve has been flirting with the reader and there are definitely feelings there between them but another pretty face catches his attention and suddenly the flirting with this new pretty face?

Can end angsty or fluffy though! Dealers choice

I will gladly write this for you! My plan is to write it and see which ending flows to me better. I hope you like it! If it is not what you wanted, please let me know I will rewrite it for you

Update- the ending is sad! More of a fluff to angst

It sucks. Because I want to hate you, but I can’t.”

“You made me think I actually mattered.”

Y/N and Steve have been friends ever since Robin introduced them. They just clicked and got along well. But lately, her feelings for Steve have taken a turn into a less friendly destination. His eyes were suddenly more beautiful than anything. And his smile just seemed brighter. And his hair looks much softer. And she has a feeling he feels the same. For around two weeks, they have been flirting non-stop at work and at group hangouts. He'd compliment how she looked every day, never failing to make her blush. She wasn't the most confident, but she did try to make sure her attraction to him was known. From soft touches on his arm when he made her laugh. A smile that always seemed bigger when he was around. Plus, Robin called them out for "eye-fucking during work hours." That comment turned them both red, and they stammered out excuses. But today, Y/N decided she didn't want this banter back and forth, she wanted him. She put in extra work into her appearance for work today. Her hair was styled nicely, a shiny gloss coated her lips, and she wore Steve's favorite necklace that she owed. It was impossible not to look as it hung directly between her breasts.

As she walked in, her eyes made contact with Robin, who did not bother to hide her smirk. "Well well, it looks like someone is dressing to impress." Y/N blushed and shrugged, "I'm going to do it today, Robin." She exclaimed excitedly. Robin's smile beamed, "About time. He's in the back. Go get your man." With a big smile on her glossy lips, she ran straight into Steve. "Slow down, gorgeous." He laughed. "I want to ask you something," she said, a tad nervous. He nodded along with an encouraging smile. "Would you want to go out on a date tonight?" The silence was starting to make her sick. Her heart felt like it was going to fall out of her stomach and puke it out. But the smile that lit up Steve's face eased her worries. "I thought you'd never ask." The date was set. They were going to a carnival that the town was having for the month. She wore a long-sleeved, slightly tight shirt. A pair of ripped jeans and sneakers. Her hair was thrown up; she did not want it to blow into her wet lips all night. They were walking hand in hand around the park. Steve bought cotton candy for them to share and covered her arms in his jacket. The night was going well. They smiled, laughed, and more soft touches were shared. She was so glad she took the first step in asking him out. She wanted him for way too long. "Alright, I'm doing the most cliche moment in recent history. I am giving you a giant stuffed animal, "Steve announced as he walked up to the balloon booth. He perfected his stance and threw darts into the balloons. Hearing the satisfying pop and ring of a bell had announced to the couple he had won. "Pick your poison, gorgeous." He had a bright smile on his face. He hasn't felt this smitten in a long time, ever since Nancy. He loved this feeling. Seeing her smile grow as she pointed to the giant stuffed elephant had him swooning. The guy handed over the elephant. She turned to Steve with a glossy smile and said, "Thank you, Stevie." The nickname melted his heart. If Robin was here, she'd have a field day. His heart skipped faster as she leaned in and smashed her lips on his. He could feel both their lips stretching into smiles as they tasted each other. He could feel his lips getting wet and sticky from her gloss, but he didn't care. She pulled away with a giggle, "Sorry I kind of turned your lips pink." She went to wipe it off, but Steve's hand stopped her. "No, I will wear this proudly." It had been a few weeks since the first date, and she felt so special. He picked her up for work and brought her home. And he even got her flowers the next morning, stating how he would love to do it again sometime. She was gushing to Robin about how perfect everything had been going. They've been on three more dates and kissed many more times. By the third date, they were making out in the front seat of Steve's car in the middle of her driveway. She wanted him to ask her to be his girlfriend, and she was willing to wait however long it took. ~~~ But now, as she watched this gorgeous girl walk up to the counter asking for movie recommendations, looking like an actual model, her stomach turned sour. She didn't miss the way Steve checked her out, from her hair down to her expensive shoes. Steve gladly took her under his wing and walked her through the store. His eyes never once reached Y/N's. Her stare seemed to be burning in his head, but it was like he didn't care. He was starstruck by this new girl. She put on a fake smile and continued to help the other customers. Sadly, that wasn't the only day the girl showed up; she came every single day. Robin told her she always showed up and asked for Steve's help only. Robin was good at reading people. She knew what Steve was doing was hurting her best friend. She wanted to punch Steve in his perfect face. It was like she had just completely vanished from his life. He barely talked to her. When she called to hangout, he was busy with her. She knew she couldn't be mad at him because they weren't dating, but she felt led on. Why make it seem like she mattered to him if he was going to blow her off? Why would he kiss her if he wasn't interested in being with her? Did he just want a quick fling? She had so many questions. It has been two weeks of Steve ignoring Y/N for this new girl. She couldn't stand by and watch him flirt with this girl right in front of her, like she just didn't matter. She needed it to stop and she needed him to know he was hurting her. At the end of the shift, she walked to his car. Before she could get a word out, Steve beat her to it, "Sorry, I can't give you a ride tonight. I'm meeting Lexi at the hideout. " She felt her heart shatter right there. He finally acknowledged her just to say he was blowing her off for Lexi, again.

"I wasn't coming for a ride, Steve. I haven't gotten one from you in two weeks.” The harsh and bitter tone slipped out stronger than she wanted it to be. She didn't want to be hostile, but it was so hard. He just didn't care anymore, and that hurt.

Steve was taken back by her tone, but before he could question it, she beat him to it. “I need to talk to you tonight at my house. I'm not taking no for an answer. Come before the hideout or after. I don't care. " And she headed to her bike and rode off to home. Steve was frozen. He had never heard her so bitter, angry, and mean before. She was always so sweet, gentle, and more. He quickly got in his car and ran home to change, then went to her place. Y/N was waiting on her bed, tears soaking into the stuffed elephant that felt more of a painful reminder now than a happy memory. Robin told her all about King Steve, but she said he changed. Now she wasn't so sure. Maybe he doesn't stay satisfied for long. Or maybe she was just the problem. A cough caused her head to whip up. There, Steve stood with a sad look in his eyes. Seeing her cry into her elephant caused his heart to hurt more than he wanted. He wanted to smile at the memory, but he had a feeling he fucked up. "Your mom let me in." He took a seat next to her and reached for her hand. It felt like a blow in the gut when she ripped it out of his reach. She threw the elephant to the floor and hugged her knees. "I want to ask you something," she started. It felt like déjà vu. She has memories of when she last said that led them to the best date of her life. A date that now felt like a painful reminder that it didn't mean anything to him. "Are you dating this Lexi girl?" She asked, and it fucking hurt to ask out loud. The fear of the answer was hanging above her head. She didn't want to reach for it, but she needed the truth. "No, I'm not. We are just hanging out. "

"But you like her?" She took his silence as a yes. She could see the guilt swimming in his brown orbs. She sighed and tried to collect herself. "You made me think I actually mattered to you, like you really liked me. I thought we were working towards a relationship and you just hung me out to dry. " She wished she could stop crying. She hated feeling this way this weak in front of him. He had never seen her cry before, and knowing it was because of him made guilt build in his stomach. Regret filled his veins, seeing her break down, knowing there was nothing he could do to fix this. “You do matter. I do really like you. I'm sorry. I just got caught up. Please let us work this out. Just you and me. " He felt like he was begging. If he just stayed focused on her, none of this would be happening. She shook her head at his words, "No you don't, Steve. I was just the one girl who made you feel wanted. kept you warm until someone else came along. My feelings don't matter to you; my feelings aren't important to you; and you don't want to be with me. If you wanted me, you would have looked elsewhere. " It hurt to say, but it was the truth. She was smitten by him. She didn't even notice anyone else. It wasn't the same for him. "It sucks. Because I want to hate you, but I can't. " She whimpered out in between her sobs. His heart felt heavy. He collected her in his arms, letting her tears soak into his shirt. He apologized in her hair, but he knew it wasn't enough. He lost her, and he had no one to blame but himself. "Lexi is waiting for you. Goodbye, Steve. I'll see you at work. " And with that, she stood up and went into her bathroom. She needed to be alone, and she prayed when she came back he would be gone, and he was.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve stranger things #steve harrington angst #steve harrington angst x reader

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writingquestionsanswered · 9 months

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Feeling Weird About Promoting Stories

Anonymous asked: How do I get over being ashamed to promote my story more? While I definitely write for myself, I like a bit of validation as well but I'm too shy and feel a bit...cheap? There's a person in my writing community who goes around begging people to read their stuff. They keep track up to where you've left comments, and then asks why haven't you commented on their other chapters. They also passive aggressively say nobody likes their stuff enough to leave comments and other things to guilt people into guilt reading their stuff. I've been encouraged by friends to market my stories more, but I just can't bring myself to do it because I feel like I'm in the same boat as this person.

(Ask was edited for length...)

First, I want to be clear that what this person (in your writing community) is doing isn't promoting themselves. It's nagging and badgering, and if they ever try that as a fiction writer, they'll have a very short career.

What they're doing is like hitting someone over the head repeatedly with a pillow. Promoting your story is like standing there holding a sign that shows information about your story. You're not asking anyone to read your story. You're not badgering them by appealing to their sympathy or sense of guilt. You're literally just saying, "Here's my story..." It's up to them whether or not they want to check it out.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with or shameful about promoting your work/product. If there was, we wouldn't have TV commercials, print ads, movie trailers, billboards, etc. The key is to do it in a way that doesn't annoy or badger your potential "customer." When promoting books and stories, that means doing it in a way that's quick, interesting to the reader, and not doing it so frequently that they get sick of hearing from you.

Many fan-fiction writers have a social media account associated with their writing which they can use to help drive traffic to their stories. So, for example, an Instagram, Tumblr or Facebook page. The link to this social media would also be shared at the bottom of each story to give fans a place to stay updated on your writing.

A promotional post would look like...

1 - A text post with a little teaser or hook:

Hi, everyone! I just updated Two Balls of Yarn over at AO3. Let's just say this is the chapter where everything goes sideways. You can check it out here: [link to story on AO3, username, or whatever]

2 - A graphic: for example, a book cover for your story, a mood board or aesthetic, a gif set, or story art, along with a caption that says something along the lines of what's up above in #1. Alternatively, it could say something like: Two Balls of Yarn, updated 9/3/23, available here...

If you're have a story in progress that you're posting every week or so, you would do such a promo post every time you update. However, once every few days or so, you might also choose to promo an older story. Depending on the social media platform, you may also want to do other types of posts occasionally, such as episode reviews (if for a TV show), reblogs of fan-art or gif sets related to the fandom, etc. You might even share links to other writers' stories that you really enjoyed.

Also, and this is SO important... 90% of success when promoting on social media is reciprocal engagement. In other words, if you want people to read, like, and comment on your stories, you need to read, like, and comment on other people's stories.

I hope that helps!

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perfectlypreservedpie · 13 hours

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MacCready Fanfiction Recs (Fallout 4)

hey everybody, nobody asked for this but in the midst of writing fallout fanfic I was feeling a special kind of love for my favorite fo4 fanfics and wanted to recommend them in case you hadn't read 'em. Because they are VERY GOOD and writing fanfic is hard, so you gotta give props to those who sweat for your comfort fics.

I'm gonna recommend my top three finished fanfics, and then two more bonus fics that are being updated rn. As a clarifier, these are all Maccready fallout 4 fics. so. keep that in mind.

im tagging the authors and also anybody who wants to join and share their favorites too!

3. THE FATHER(S) AND THE SON(S) on ao3 by @sirmanmister

I'm going to preface this rec by saying this: there is Fanon MacCready. There is canon MacCready. And then there is ascended!whatBethesdawishesitWAS MacCready, which exists solely in this fanfiction. The characterization of Mac is so well written. He is snarky, he is vulnerable. He desperately wants to grow up but doesn't know how. He has the most sick character arc in this story!!!

It's not a romance but instead a coming of age story where the sole survivor becomes a de-facto parent to Mac. The heart of the story is about how to raise a child while you're still trying to grow up yourself. The apocalypse setting lends itself well because the Wasteland is a place where NOTHING is beautiful, but the way that M!Sosu and MacCready care for their sons is beautiful. Which makes it special and worth fighting for.

As a fun fact, I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy for class a week after finishing this fic and I was thinking about this fic the whole time because the themes of fatherhood during an apocalypse hit a lot of the same beats. Maybe my professor would kick me in the teeth by comparing fic to McCarthy, but @sirmanmister YOU ARE MY CORMAC MCCARTHY <3

2. WORKING CLASS HERO on ao3 by @bluegrasskitty

This is the kind of fic you take with you to toilet, to work, in-between classes. It will suck you in. AND THERE'S A SEQUEL TOO YOU GUYS‼️

The sole survivor in this story is the model for the Nuka Cola girl. You know the hot lady in the spacesuit? SHE HAS A BACKSTORY. AND YALL IT MADE ME WEEP. During some point of the story, I sort of stopped rooting for MacCready to be the narrator and just wanted Nora Cabot to take the reins. When I tell you I think of this oc every two to three business weeks. She's an incredible leading lady. I can't look at Nuka Girl posters in the game without thinking of Nora Cabot, my beloved.

the sequel IS SO FIRE. It's the best reimagining of 'what happened after the institute blew up' that I've ever read. im gnawing at the bars of my enclosure actually.

A VERY GOOD PLOT TWIST I CANNOT MENTION TO NEW READERS BUT IF YOU'VE READ IT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND. AND IF YOU UNDERSTAND DM ME I HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT IT. HHh.

The amount of world building that @bluegrasskitty puts into this story is insane. They ARE Beth Esda.

As a fun fact, I didn't know that radchickens were canon in fallout. I thought it was a plot device made up by this author to excuse the ability to make cake in this book, but radchickens ARE real. When I was playing Far Harbor last year, I found radchickens and thought that @bluegrasskitty manifested them into existence because they had that kind of power.

that being said, I still think this author has that kind of power.

1. Atom Bomb Baby on ao3 by @starlightwrites

I think you dropped something....my jaw.

fellas. fellas. this is my comfort fic. You ever had a comfort fic? Something you come back to at least once a year to reread to feel something? the fiction equivalent of chicken noodle soup? this is what Atom Bomb Baby is to me. this is peak literature actually. if I ever figure out book binding, im doing this one first.

Plot wise, it's a retelling of Fallout 4's main story through the perspective of MacCready. But (and im wheezing as I say this) it's also so much more THAN THAT.

this fic author understands that MacCready is not a womanizer but is in fact a touch starved loser. and they are CORRECT.

MacCready spends the entire fic like 'uuuhhhh I dunno about this one, boss!'

ITS BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS RAHHHHHH

it also has a nostalgia feel to me too, because reading it gives me the same feeling as what it was like to play the game for the first time, years ago. maybe it's because I've read it so many times over the years, but reading it feels so satisfying.

The author spends 10 chapters at the end solely dedicated to an epilogue. I wish more stories did this. They go through the wringer in this story, and it's so deeply satisfying to see how cleanly everything gets wrapped up. MacCready and the Lola work really well together as a couple, so it's awesome to see how they work together after the battle is done.

6 out of 5 stars.

BONUS FICS !! aka fics that are still updating! I squeal with joy when I get an ao3 email about these: 1. Best Laid Plans on ao3 by @druidgroves - Georgia Tate is an incredible character and sole survivor! She was a teacher prewar, so it's really fun to get her perspective on the world. She cares a lot about education and libraries and I find her really relatable and endearing. It's a cool thing for a character in an apocalypse to care about! It also makes for fun tension with Mac, who's written as a pragmatic survivor. A great take on familiar characters and their dynamics. - And It's a great slow burn! I'm really enjoying reading it. 2. Long Time Running on ao3 by @twosides--samecoin - If you've ever thought that Med-Tek was too convenient an option for Duncan's cure, this fic was written with you in mind. - RJ goes to Canada and im obsessed with it. - If you're interested in fallout lore, specifically the bit where the U.S annexed Canada and wished that there was more info about that, I would highly recommend this fic. Twosides--samecoin put in THE WORK. The world building they do to explain Canada's side of the Great War is so fun!!! its genuinely such a thrill to read!

I'm tagging the authors who I mentioned, if you all have favorite fics (fallout or otherwise, I'd love to hear em!) Thank you for making good art!

#fanfic recs #fallout 4 #fallout fanfiction #rj maccready #MacCready #maccready x sole survivor #the father(s) and the son(s)#working class hero #atom bomb baby #best laid plans #long time running #thank you for making good art!!

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amethystina · 2 months

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A health update (and a general explanation of my long Covid)

So while I've been pretty open about living with long Covid, I realise I've never taken the time to explain what that actually means for me and my quality of living. It's a phrase I toss around but I can imagine it doesn't feel all that substantial to a lot of you.

So I figured that now that I'm feeling a bit better (more on that later) I should do so. Partly because I figure it will make it easier to understand why I sometimes have to disappear for weeks on end.

So, if you're interested, feel free to keep reading under the cut :)

But be warned: It's long and kind of whiny. But also ends on a high note! So there's that.

The first time I caught Covid was around Easter 2020, long before there were any vaccines, which meant that I was hit hard. But no matter how bad I felt during the illness itself, the aftermath has been ten times worse. I've been living with my long Covid symptoms ever since, so for four years now. They worsened for a couple of months when I caught Covid a second time in February 2021, but have otherwise held pretty steady during those four years.

A lot of people experience different symptoms with their long Covid and, sometimes, they'll change as the weeks and months go by. I actually had a very interesting couple of months during 2022 when my sense of smell just went completely whack and everything suddenly smelled differently than it should. Like, I could be smelling an apple but it did not smell like an apple. It was a weird time in my life.

Anyway. My most common symptoms are fatigue, fevers, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, incoherent speech, and lowered blood circulation.

(The latter actually kickstarted the Raynaud's syndrome I have on my mother's side so now I struggle with fingers and feet that will occasionally go white, bloodless, and completely numb at random intervals. Fun times)

The fatigue and fevers are the worst by far. For the past four years, I have had exhaustion fevers between two to five times a week. Or every single day if I'm unlucky. It's very much tied to how much sleep I'm getting, how well I'm eating, and how many taxing things I do each day. I need eight hours of sleep to be functional and anything less than that will most likely mean I'll end up having a fever before the day is over.

Unfortunately, I've always had issues with my sleep so, on most nights, I don't get eight hours even if I try my absolute best. Sometimes it's because I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep and, sometimes — because my life sucks — it's because my fever is so high that I can't fall asleep. Cue the endless cycle of too little sleep and fevers.

Because one of the main issues with these exhaustion fevers — and what makes them so difficult to manage — is that there's no way to lower them. Medicine has no effect whatsoever. Once I have it, I just have to suffer through however many hours are left until I can sleep and hope that it'll be gone in the morning. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

And every day my energy level gets just a little bit lower and the fever a little bit higher. Some days, all I can do when I get home from work is to lie on the couch and stare at the wall because I'm too tired and in too much pain to even watch something. And, again, no amount of medicine helps.

It continues on like this for a while and, every third or fourth month or so, the strain eventually becomes too much and I fall ill. My body simply shuts down from the continued stress and exhaustion, to the point where I can barely get out of bed. And, usually, I can feel it coming. On top of the fevers, I start coughing, then get a headache, and then my nose gets stuffy. And, by that time, I know I have about two to four days before I get sick. It's so accurate that my coworkers have learned that when I give the sign, they have to tell me whatever tasks they need to be finished within the near future since I'll probably be out of commission for one to two weeks.

But I eventually recover, go back to work, and so the cycle starts again. And again. And again. And again.

For four years.

All of this has, unsurprisingly, affected my quality of life to a pretty significant degree. I can barely work, let alone spend time doing any of my hobbies. I can't really travel anymore and, if I do, I'll get sick from the exhaustion. Even the 50-minute commute to the office (which I have to do three times a week) usually results in a fever before the day is over.

This inability to travel was how I ended up missing my maternal granddad's funeral. My shitty relatives didn't tell us the date for when he would be buried until there were only two days left and even if I could have put myself on an overnight train to get there, I knew I would be in no shape to actually be at the funeral if I did. So I couldn't go.

I did go to sit with my paternal grandmother as she was dying but, as expected, I got sick and couldn't return to work for a couple of days afterwards.

I also have to skip most birthday celebrations and any events happening on weekdays since I'm usually too feverish or won't manage the required trip to get there. My life has shrunk so much I barely recognise it anymore. I don't recognise myself. I used to be one of those people who could do a million things at the same time and somehow complete all of them. I was firm, organised, and efficient.

And now I'm not.

(... or, well, technically I am — at least compared to many others — but not compared to how I used to be xD)

Point being, a lot of things have changed and I don't like it. But, with that said, I'm also well aware that I'm lucky to be alive and I'm fortunate enough to have a stable job and a roof over my head. So, all things considered, I'm still doing pretty well.

But I also can't lie and say that this hasn't affected me in a deep and fundamental way. My life has changed and, right now, I don't know if it'll ever return to what I used to consider normal. And dealing with that knowledge — and the grief and fear that comes with it — hasn't been easy. I have cried ugly, self-pitying tears over this many, many times. It's frustrating to have no control over what my body does and to constantly have to be careful of what I do so I don't exhaust myself. I am furious that this happened to me.

But, after four years, there's also a certain amount of acceptance. And while I'm annoyed by my new limitations, I try my best not to feel too sorry for myself. Instead, I try to adapt as best I can, even if I might not always do it gracefully.

That does mean that I sometimes push myself more than I should, though. Because, if I didn't, I wouldn't never produce anything. As depressing as it is to admit, everything I've given you in the past four years has been while I was sick. I don't think a single chapter I've written or drawing I've made has been untouched by this. I've become an expert at writing, editing, and drawing even with a fever.

That doesn't mean I regret it, though — quite the opposite. I think that if I hadn't had a reason to write and draw, I would have felt even worse. A lof of the time, the excitement I feel when I'm able to post a chapter or show off a drawing I've made has been the highlight of my week. It's an accomplishment.

But, that said, it's still hard. Writing in particular. It requires a level of brainpower I can't reach when the fevers are too bad. And so, sometimes, I just can't. I literally just can't.

And, back in January, as I was trying to edit chapter 39 of Who Holds the Devil, I honestly pushed myself too hard. I was so determined to finish it that I didn't let myself see just how bad I was feeling — not at all helped by how emotionally draining the content of the chapter was.

It was only once I finished the chapter and posted it that I realised how absolutely wretched I felt. Not because of the chapter itself, but my lack of compassion for myself, I guess? Because the fevers were bad, I was barely sleeping, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And, what was worse, I realised that I was displaying depression symptoms I hadn't seen in over ten years.

All of a sudden, I got annoyed as soon as a minor inconvenience appeared. Everything people said to me was dissected into its tiniest component. I feared that people were secretly hating me. I couldn't meet people's eyes anymore when I was talking to them. I didn't realise I was just sitting there, staring at a wall, until several minutes had already passed.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, I stopped talking about how I was feeling.

And that, right there, is my last warning that I need to do something — always has been, ever since I was a teenager. When I clam up completely, refusing to admit to the people around me that I'm feeling bad, that's when I'm about to spiral.

So, the very next day, I went to my boss and told her that I'm getting burnt out and I need to do something NOW or this was going to turn ugly real soon. Thankfully, my boss is amazing and, after a doctor's visit, I was put on partial sick leave. Right now, I'm working six hours a day instead of eight and, let me tell you, I'm thriving.

Or, well, as much as I can while still having long Covid.

I'm almost angry at how much better I feel because, if I had known, I would have done this a lot sooner. I actually have energy now! I've only had a fever about four times in a little over a month! That's insane! It used to be four a week!

So yeah. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. The downside is that the partial sick leave is still only temporary and there are no guarantees that I'll be able to keep it. Though, if need be, I'll just have to ask my boss to rewrite my contract and change the amount of hours I work because, man, I don't ever want to go back considering how much better and happier I feel. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I feel like I've gotten my life back. It's not quite the same as before, but close enough to it that I kind of want to cry again — but happy tears this time.

And so I've spent the past couple of weeks just... living? When, before that, it felt like I was merely existing. I've been drawing a lot since that helps with the depression symptoms (which are almost completely gone, thank god) but writing has been harder. Possibly because I forced myself to do it during a time when I felt really, really bad and now I'm instinctively trying to shy away from it. But, since I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm going to give it another try this weekend. I want to write and I miss the stories I'm working on. And, hopefully, since I'm feeling a bit better, I can maybe get back to a more structured uploading schedule. But we'll see. As always, I can't make any promises.

But that's about it, I guess? I'm feeling better and, since I am, I've been doing a lot of things that I wasn't able to before (like taking walks — I take a lot of walks). And I'm still trying to figure out my new routine now that I work less. And while I still get sick sometimes (I am right now, in fact, due to lack of sleep on Tuesday night) I always find my way back eventually.

So yeah. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your patience 💜 I admit that I don't really enjoy writing things like these since it feels like I'm whining — I was very much raised not to take up space or complain when things are difficult (an unfortunate side effect to being the middle child with two disabled, high-maintenance siblings) — but I also prefer honesty and transparency. And I feel a little guilty since there are times when I've given pretty harsh responses when people question why I'm sick all the time or why I don't upload chapters as often as I used to, but without actually explaining why. So I guess it's time to be honest?

And the truth is that I've been constantly sick for the past four years. Not only due to my long Covid, but also the emotional and psychological toll of all the loss, grief, and pain I've been through. These past four years have been rough.

But I'm not saying that to gain pity or make excuses. I actually think I've done pretty well considering just how hindered I've been. I've improved my drawings so much and have written... god knows how many words. I'm honestly kind of scared to check xD But it has to be over 600k by now, maybe closer to 700k.

I think my only regret is that I haven't been able to engage with you all to the extent I would want. I wish I could be a more active and enthusiastic participant in fandom — to seek you out, hold conversations, and give you all even a fraction of the attention you've given me. I feel like I don't offer you nearly enough.

But I also know that I have to accept my own limitations. So, for now, we'll have to settle for whatever I can give, even if it's less than I would want. But I will keep on creating, trust me on that, because I'm stubborn as fuck and even if my pace is slower, I'm still determined to finish what I start.

And that's the note I want to end this on. I have suffered, yes — more so than I may have expressed to you all — but I've still managed to create some beautiful things. And while I mourn who I used to be and the fact that some of you have never known me at my best, I don't think the me I am right now is all that terrible. Do I want things to change? Yes, definitely. But do I want to change the choices I've made and the things I've accomplished in the past four years? No, I can't say that I do. I'm proud of what I've done, especially considering my limitations.

And, if you're reading this, thank you so, so much for your kindness, compassion, and support. Some of you are old friends while others of you are new, but I am grateful to every single one of you. You have made these past four years more bearable. You have made it easier to keep fighting. You have made it worth it.

Thank you 💜

#Amethystina and Life #I don't really know what to tag this as #A rant?#A rambling?#An explanation?#It's just a lot I guess #And I admit I'm still hesitating whether to post this or not #I don't like talking about things like this #Or draw attention to it might be a better way to put it #But yeah #It's here if you want to read it #But do so at your own risk #Now I'm going to bed #And might just pretend I never wrote this because I feel awkward and embarrassed x'D

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iamamikcals · 4 months

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🎀INTRODUCTION🎀

Hey babes ! I am iamamikcals, 🔄51 years old, she/her, french 🥖🇨🇵.

My hobbies are listening to music, watching kdramas, watching my fav YouTubers, counting calories, restricting and working out 'till I pass out (kidding...or am I 🤨).

My "weightloss journey" story :

I remember that the first time I ever got into weight loss was back in middle school. I wanted to be skinny and sh!t and it worked pretty well because I reached 49kg REALLY quickly. Back then restricting was very easy because 1. I was always keeping myself distracted that sometimes I was forgetting that I had to eat (doing my homework, I was always at school, couldn't go and eat outside, ect...) And 2. I didn't know what those m0therfuck!ng calories were... That's why I wasn't stressing about how much I was eating and I was losing at least 1kg per day (I miss the old days 😩😞🙏🏾). Unfortunately my sister caught my quite unhealthy eating habits and forced me to eat and gain all the weight that I lost. Now I wanna get back on track and lose it 'till I see my f*cking bones, 'till I feel like I'm going to faint every time I stand up, 'till I fit in every clothes, 'till I hear those "you are too skinny", "you should eat more" or "you look sick" every time I step outside of my house. But now that I know what calories are and that I don't have anything to keep me distracted because I don't like anything anymore it is way harder than before...but I'll do it. I lost all my personality now that I'm back on my weight loss. I don't like studying anymore, now I only dance to burn the calories, going out with my friends is scary because I know d@mn well that we are gonna eat and the only thought of going to school is stressing me out like crazy, school is scaring me, it makes me wanna kms just by hearing any words related to it and I don't know why...I only go there because it makes starving easier (even tho I can't do a single week at school without skipping a day or two). I can't even talk to my friends because the only thing that I have in mind are calories, what am I gonna eat and why am I so fat. My personality is all about my weight loss now, I hate and love it at the same time. It makes me feel so sad but I only feel alive when I see the number go down the next morning. So i told myself "If I can't be smart then I will be skinny and pretty" because that's the only thing that I know will make me feel like I'm worth it.

Thanks for reading it 💓. I hope you will like this account I will update on my weight loss every day. If you wanna be friends tell me it will be a honour 🩷🎀

°~`iamamickals.

#i wanna lose weight #⭐️ving #i need to lose so much weight #i need to lose this weight #ed not ed sheeran #ed vent #i just want to be thin

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evilwickedme · 1 year

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Ooh, do you have any good Jason fic recs?

anon I cannot tell you how long I've been waiting to see those words!!!! yes I have good Jason fic recs in fact I have so many good Jason fic recs that after narrowing it down I still have fifteen links for you

I have read more fanfic for Jason Todd than maybe any other character ever. I do not understand the hold this man has on me but it's simply the situation we're in. anyway

Jason comes home fics

Make a Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is hands down my favorite. I'm talking favorite DC fic, top fics of all time period, not just from this list. I love this fic series. It is actively and regularly updating, thank fuck, because that little boost of serotonin is everything keeping me going I swear

The 70 Days After Groundhog Day is technically from Dick's POV, but it's about the aftermath of a timeloop that Jason was stuck in. it's. oh my god it's so good. just trust me on this one.

Emotional Motion Sickness is the "bruce goes to therapy" fic series we all want. canon get on this level

Retrograde Motion - I never used to like de-aging fics; not for any particular reason, I just never vibed with them. Recently I decided to see what all the fuss was about (bc there's so goddamn many in this fandom) and I'm glad, because I opened this fic and it's just. oh my god. the use of the de-aging trope here is truly incredible. after a whole week of dipping my feet into the trope I never need to do so again, because this fic made me fucking lose it. this is not going where you think it's going. also, for some reason there's not that much rebirth outlaws fic, and I really like what this author did with that team

matching wounds haha just gonna sneak my fic series on here and pretend that it was an accident, wait how did that get there (some jayroy later in the timeline too which can be read on its own if Jason coming home fics aren't for you)

other non-ship

Too Much Fucking Salt deals with the straw that broke the camel's back. I've read all 22k words of this in one sitting more than once. this is the anti "Jason Todd comes home" fic (this is in itself a whole genre of fic too honestly).

take his name out of your mouth (you don't deserve to mourn) is about Jason mourning himself, which he fucking deserves to. also he smokes a joint with Dick

Sown in Winter is about Jason pulling himself out of a depressive episode partially through the power of Stardew Valley. also technically jayroy, but it's honestly incidental to the story for the most part imo

JayRoy

I do read other ships for Jason but unabashedly this is my favorite, so

A Solid Resume - competency kink. that's all I have to say.

Tenderize is a series of oneshots all of which slowly build Jason and Roy's life together and coparenting lian and I just !!! could also double as a Jason coming home au but honestly that's mostly in the first fic. also a lot of discussion of various chain grocery stores in the united states that I will probably never actually step foot in

Dick Grayson and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Two to Three Weeks (But Who's Counting) is so fucking funny I die every time I reread this. there's a scene early on in a coffee shop that just. I don't even know what to say everything about this is perfect. I AM the girl sticking her nose in their business, at least spiritually.

dust devils on the horizon isn't even the only western au I've bookmarked for these two. something about jayroy and horses, man

unity of time: april 27th, 2020 is just,,,, super sad, man, idk what to tell you. it's f!jayroy, but happens after Roy died in sanctuary during the 24h of Jason's death day, so all of it is very fucking depressing. It's also fucking beautiful. I want to reread it now.

Promise After That I'll Let You Go is a poisonivory fic. I was introduced to poisonivory through the daredevil fandom earlier this year and may I tell you when I found out that this author writes for jayroy I lost my goddamn mind. this is my personal favorite, but I almost recommended at least two more aus. Their jayroy sugar daddy au is one of the only sugar daddy aus I've ever truly enjoyed. also really like the one where roy has had feelings for dick since their teen titans days but still starts a fwb thing with Jason. poisonivory can make me into kinks I'm not even into I s2g. anyway this one has lian literally dragging roy back into jason's life

finally, Reciprocation (or: Sex as Violence) shouldn't even really count as a jayroy fic but I feel weird putting it in the other category since it is sort of a jayroy fic. it's ace-aro!jason, which is one of my personal favorite interpretations of Jason (with so much textual evidence wtf), but there's still like... a lot of sex in this. Jason does not have a healthy relationship with sex in this fic. I would describe this as ending in a QPP for jayroy and lian.

honestly there's a lot of good jason and roy and lian fic out there I didn't rec cause this is already long enough

so yeah this is my very VERY pared down fic rec list for Jason Todd let me know if you want more and thank you so much for asking

#I have 632 fics bookmarked for dc and 130 of them are jayroy #most of the folder is misc and a considerable amount of that is jason focused batfam #oh I should've linked the jason and ollie fic I bookmarked ages ago. oh well I'm not looking for it now it's one thirty am #and I need to be up for work in like. six hours #jason todd #jayroy #batfam #dc #fic recs #before and after fic #gail speaks #ask #anonymous #can somebody confirm redfam is the name for jason roy and lian's dynamic I wasn't confident enough about it to put in the post itself #also it looks like radfem if you're not paying attention

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anangelwhodidntfall · 1 year

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Hey could you do maybe like pregnant poly like Ariel’s gets pregnant and they take care of her and then the reader gets pregnant

The Greatest Gifts: Poly!Eric & Ariel x Hybrid!Reader

You and Eric couldn't believe it when Ariel told you two that she was pregnant, you three were so excited and couldn't wait to meet your future son/daughter. For the past three months, you two had taken care of her making sure that she didn't strain herself and just focused on making sure her and the baby were happy and healthy. If she had a craving, one of you two always got it no matter how ridiculous, back or feet hurting, you two were there attending to her every need, and don't get her started on when you two spoke to the baby, she swore it was the cutest thing, she saw.

You had gone out to the ocean to give her father an update on how she was doing with the pregnancy since you were still able to get in the water and into the kingdom. You were returning to shore when you saw Eric standing there in a white button smiling as you came to shore, you had to admit that ever since Ariel had gotten pregnant seeing him as father made you realize that you wanted to have a kid too.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of having you greet me at the shore?" You asked him as you walked on land.

"I was missing you, my love, I've been spending so much time with Ariel lately, that I've been neglecting my favorite hybrid." He said kissing you.

"I've missed you too my love, but I know Ariel is our main focus right now but I won't complain if you wanna show me a little attention." You said as you kissed him.

Soon enough the gifts that King Triton had given to give to Ariel for the baby, were soon forgotten as you two were tangled up in each other in the sand. You two lay there catching your breaths when Eric noticed your far-off start meaning something was on your mind.

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He asked looking at you.

"Seeing you this past month with Ariel and our kid has made me realize how much I want to have a kid with you, but given my nature, I don't think it would be possible." You said sadly as Eric's heart broke hearing how sad you sounded.

"Hey hey look at me, you would be a wonderful mother, and no matter if our child turns out to be a human, mermaid, or hybrid like its mother, it would be the greatest gift ever. I know I didn't plan on Ariel getting pregnant so soon but I am willing to keep trying to see if it's possible as well for us, if you are." He said squeezing your hand.

"I would like that a lot. I love you Eric." You said placing a kiss on his lips.

"I love you, my little mermaid." He said smiling at you.

It was nearly three weeks later, Ariel was finally showing, and by goodness did she have this beautiful glow about her. You three were currently eating breakfast and talking about your plans for that day when you felt yourself getting sick.

"Y/N!" Ariel called out seeing you dart for the nearest trash can.

You were puking your brains out when you felt Eric grab your hair and rub your back, as you finished puking. One of the maids handed you a napkin to wipe your mouth as you stood back up and suddenly felt lightheaded.

"Here take a seat my y/n." Eric said helping you into a chair.

"Can one of you go get the doctor please and thank you?" Eric asked one of the maids.

He sat with you making sure you ate some crackers and drank some water while they waited for the doctor to come, and stepped out to check on Ariel who was looking at you concerned.

"I need about twenty minutes to do some tests on her." The doctor said as Eric nodded his head leading Ariel to the dining table.

"Y/n what is it?" They both asked as you walked back into the dining room.

"I'm...I'm pregnant." You said in disbelief as your two lovers looked at you.

"You are? That's amazing! How far along are you?" Ariel asked wrapping her arms around you.

"The doctor suspected maybe 4-6 weeks, which means our babies will be born almost four months apart." You smiled at her.

"This is so wonderful!" She said smiling at you as Eric walked over.

"She's right this is such amazing news, sweetheart, I'm happy right now." He said wrapping his arms around you and spinning you around.

"Eric!" You said giggling as he put you down.

"I'm sorry and just so you know if they are human, mermaid, or hybrid like you we will love them unconditionally." He said smiling at you.

#prince eric x ariel x y/n #ariel x reader x prince eric #prince eric fanfiction #prince eric x you #prince eric x reader #prince eric x y/n #ariel x eric #ariel x reader #the little mermaid fanfiction #the little mermaid live action

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scum-belina · 2 months

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Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my maternal grandpa's death and today is the 6 year anniversary of my dad's death. Both were truly terrible men and abusive towards me and most others close to them. I don't miss them at all and while I don't celebrate their deaths, I do feel relief that they're gone, as cruel as that may sound. But these days bring back the memories of everything they put me through, especially my dad. And how when my dad was sick and dying and I was at my most vulnerable, the rest of my relatives came out of the woodworks and put me through every level of hell.

I can't talk to family about my feelings towards their deaths, because they all defend and justify their horrific behavior because they've not dealt with their own traumas, and most of them have become every bit as bad as them both. I put on an act when my dad was ill and tried so hard to be a good daughter towards him to please him and everyone else, even though they never treated me with kindness. I lived a lie and kept my own emotions and struggles inside to please them. I will never do that again. Not for them. Not for anyone.

I would post updates on my dad's health multiple times a week to keep distant relatives informed bc they wanted updates but the rest of my family couldn't be bothered to inform anyone. I was the only one in my family that bothered to actually talk or listen to the doctors or nurses. My mom was too catatonic and my paternal grandma was too strung out on pills to ever retain any information. I tried to do everything I could to be helpful even when I was shut inside my grandparents house being starved and emotionally and financially abused for two years, only ever going out to visit my dad. All of it against my will.

I'm turning 30 in 4 months. My entire 20s have been devoured by things beyond my control and insane abuse that even I struggle to accept really happened some days. I don't say that to make myself the victim. Deep down I blame myself for everything. I really have tried to fight back and work hard to get out of this situation, but something always goes against me and I end up worse than before. I'm not giving up and I'm still fighting, but I'm so discouraged and afraid. Every day has felt the same for a decade.

I want those 10 years back. They were taken from me for nothing other than others sick pleasure to abuse, control and misuse. I want to finally feel happy. To be fulfilled. I want to forget my pain.

#this is very poorly worded but what's new #it's just another day really #despite it all I've healed a lot and have removed the worst abuser from my life despite her harassment and faced a lot of my fears #I just wish something good would happen in my life that feels so selfish and embarrassing to say #word trauma vomit over back to your usual programming

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agaycabbage · 1 year

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hi, tumblr

I never actually did an intro post, and I realize I have none of my links or info here so...probably time to change that.

I’m Charlie. They/them pronouns, please. Super queer, super nerdy, super awkward and apologizing for that in advance. I’m an editor and an author, a gamer, a brand new narrative designer trying to break into game writing, and a bit of a chaos demon. But in the fun way. I hope.

I'm an editor for indie authors with +10 years of experience and actually affordable rates. You have stories to tell! Money shouldn’t be what keeps you from the professional editor you deserve. Find me and learn more: cknightwrites.com

I write! As of now: I have a very large, very smutty, angsty as hell Shakarian fic that is posted every week. Best friends to lovers kicking ass in space—you don't ever need to have played Mass Effect to get into this story. Read that here.

I also have a Dragon Age: Inquisition fic and (less frequently updated, sorry) Horizon Forbidden West fic.

My debut novel is coming out in 2023, too! RISE OF THE TEMPEST (the novel formerly known as Butt Pirates) is a low-stakes, high heat fantasy romance features two trans MCs. More on this later, but you can see character arc on my blog already and a little more here!

On my Patreon, I provide customized and functional editing and writing advice, education, and coaching. I've covered everything from how to use em dashes properly to world building and purple prose. New posts weekly!

My Patreon also has an Editor in Training tier! I'm delivering education on what being a freelance editor is actually like (and how to make it work for you), building that business, and hands-on coaching on editing practices.

(And as a bonus, my Patreon is how I pay for chemo, so subscribe here.)

I am disabled and sick, which is a costly life, and my editing rates are set to be more affordable for you than profitable for me. My Patreon goes directly to my medical bills every month, and my ko-fi is another great way to help with that.

I will cheer on and help my mutuals however I can. My messages are always open, and I encourage you to use them if I can help you with anything. But you're not welcome here if you gatekeep the writing or queer communities in any way. I'm not nice to bullies.

FIND ME ELSEWHERE!

IG, TikTok, Bluesky, & Twitter: @ CKnightWrites Discord: enbycabbage#0401 linktr.ee/cknightwrites

Any support is appreciated, but just getting to know my mutuals is a damn joy. I want to know your characters, your hyperfixations, and your favorite kind of pie.

#indie author #intro #writer #writing community #writeblr #bookblr #talking about myself is a nightmare #i have no idea what im doing with tumblr #sorry in advance #im awkward #its the neurodivergency

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crimson-calligraphyx · 1 year

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5: Never Know

Noah: hey, how are you doing today?

I smiled down at my phone as I read the text message that was displayed on the screen. Ever since the day that I woke up at his place and he gave me his number, Noah's been checking in on me through text. Not every day, maybe a couple days out of the week, but it was a nice gesture of him. It actually made me quite happy, having someone check in to make sure I'm doing okay in the head. There have been days where we’d hit the bar with the band, too, which was nice to get out with a group of people.

Me: Doing good today!

Work has been a little hectic this week with trucks breaking down left and right, which was stressful as all Hell, but I was managing. Maybe not in the healthiest of ways, I'd come home after a long day, crack open a beer or several and take a nice, long bath. It felt good to just float—body and mind—so I could forget about the disaster that is my life. On top of work, the latest update of my father's sickness was not a good one. The medication he was one was stabilizing his liver, but it wasn't a cure; he still needs a liver transplant. Not a partial donation, but the whole organ, which was becoming very hard to come by. Ironically, I found myself drinking almost every night as of late.

Noah: good! you busy tonight? Me: No, why? Noah: come hang and sing karaoke with us

I snorted, shaking my head. Sure, the singer with a goddamn otherworldly voice wants to partake in karaoke.

Me: Do you want me to embarrass myself? Noah: no! lol Me: Oh, so you want to go deaf. Got it.

He sends me a bunch of laughing emojis.

Noah: c'mon I'm sure you're not THAT bad Me: Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you lol

A few hours later, and after hounding Victoria to join me, we were walking into a local Chinese restaurant that was separated by a bar and a dining area. The dining area had tables pushed aside at the far end, a large screen displaying "Lyrics by Music Choice", examples of songs scrolling by. To the left was a bald, well-built man sitting behind a podium with a laptop sitting on top, clearly in control of the karaoke this evening. I browsed the room, lights flashing and causing a glare in my vision. When I heard my name called, I squinted through the blinding lights, making out a silhouette that had been waving at me. Victoria and I made our way towards it, knowing that it was Noah.

He gives me a sideways hug when I reach the table, the other three smiling and greeting us cheerfully. I sat at the table, immediately browsing through the drink menu once I settled in.

“So, whatcha gonna pick?” Noah asks me while taking a sip of his beer. I shrugged, “Not much of a Mai Tai fan, so probably just a sangria.” He laughs, “No, I meant for a song. For karaoke?” I hang my head in my hand with a chuckle of embarrassment, shaking my head at myself. “Right.” He gives my shoulder a reassuring nudge, “Sangria’s are a good choice, though.” “Well, how about you? I’m not sure what the vibe is here.” “Noah and I are gonna duet ‘Summer Nights’!” Nick Ruffilo decided to answer for him. I snort, “From Grease? You must be joking.” When none of them denied it, I gave them all a quizzical look. “Oh, you weren’t joking.” “No, they’re not joking. These dumbasses do this every time,” Jolly speaks up and rolls his eyes, seemingly annoyed. When he takes a sip of his beer, I catch the smile that he was trying to hide, clearly amused by their upcoming performance.

After getting to know the guys little by little these past few weeks, it was very clear that Nick Ruffilo and Noah were the best of friends. Jolly was more laid back and Nick Folio gave me Golden Retriever vibes since he seemed to always be amped up and ready for anything, but they were both very welcoming. I found myself looking forward to seeing them whenever the opportunity arises.

When I finally received my sangria, Nick and Noah had been called up for their duet. I wasn’t sure how many drinks the two of them had, but they were giggling as they made their way up. I looked over at Vic, she had an amused smirk plastered on her face as she sipped on her vodka soda. “I’m so glad you dragged me along,” she says and looks over at me. “This is going to be fucking hilarious.” I leaned back in my chair and took a sip of my drink, nodding. “They’re a riot. I’ve only seen them together a couple of times, but each time I find myself laughing my ass off.” “That’s because you don’t have to live with them! Shit gets fucking annoying real fast,�� Jolly cuts in, chuckling with a shake of his head. “That’s bullshit, and you know it!” Folio scolds him. “You were busting a gut the time Noah whipped that skeleton across the balcony and into the wall.” “Ah, shut it,” Jolly retorts, shoving him on the shoulder. The whole table laughed in unison.

The opening tune to “Summer Nights” filled up the room, Victoria and I immediately giving them our undivided attention. I just about died when Nick was the one singing the male part, leaving Noah singing the female part—but it did make sense, considering Noah’s vocal range. When the first round of “tell me more, tell me more” came about, Folio and Jolly both chimed in. Vic and I whipped our heads towards each other, mouths dropped in pure amusement. We decided telepathically that we’d join them from here on out, singing along to each “tell me more, tell me more” and “shoo bop bop, shoo bop bop”. When I thought that the performance couldn’t get any more hilarious, they reached the part where the vocals went extremely high—Noah gave it his all, full on belting the infamous “summer nights”. Vic and I nearly keeled over with laughter.

“I think that was the best one yet,” Noah says as he plops down in his seat, beaming while Nick takes his seat next to him, mirroring his smile. I found myself admiring the pure joy strewn across Noah’s face—the way his eyes glimmered under the flashing lights as his grin reached them, crinkling in the corners. It was such a genuine smile, warming me on the inside. “Eh, it was alright,” Jolly teases and slides him the beer he had ordered for him while he was on stage. “Then explain why all of you, including the girls, were laughing and singing along,” Noah retorts, accepting the drink with a nod. Jolly just rolls his eyes. “I dunno, I was enjoying it,” Folio chimes in.

When Vic decided to call it quits for the night, I found myself quite disappointed in having to part ways with them. It had been a long time since I’ve laughed as hard as I had tonight, and I was dreading going home and feeling myself crash later in the night. I was her ride for the night, and I was obligated to take her home when she was ready to go, so I couldn’t argue with her. I gave all the boys hugs goodbye, finally reaching the comfortability to do so. As I hugged Noah, I felt this sense of security when his arms wrapped around me tighter than the rest of the group—it was probably just the alcohol, making the both of us more affectionate with others as drinking normally does for people.

“So,” Vic starts when we begin to drive home, “you seeing colors yet or what?” I scrunched my brows up in confusion as I tried to understand what she was talking about. It was when my mother’s words of ‘seeing color when you fall in love’ came to mind, did I realize what she was talking about. “C’mon you know that shit’s not real,” I laugh, “of course not.” “Liv, I saw the way you two were looking at each other.” I shoot her a sideway glance of disbelief. “What are you talking about?” She snorts, “Every time I looked over at you, you were looking at Noah with this shit-eating grin. When he would look over and do the same, you’d quickly look away and cover it up by leaning your chin in your hand.” I rolled my eyes. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about, Vic. I was just having a good time. Plus, you know how I get when I start to drink; I get all smiley and giggly.” “Whatever. All I’m saying is it is real, and so is Hanahaki Disease—you’re very lucky you weren’t actually in love with Darren, or you could’ve gotten sick with that shit.” I shook my head, absolutely dumbfounded. “What the fuck is Hanahaki Disease?” “It’s rare,” she says with a sigh, “but it’s when one person loves someone, and the other doesn’t love them back. You know, unrequited love.” I nod, wanting her to continue. “The person who’s in love starts to cough up flowers, and it’s extremely debilitating. It stops when you either lose feelings, or the other loves you back.”

I find myself laughing—that is absolute bullshit. There’s no way someone just grows flowers in their lungs and regurgitates them because someone doesn’t love them back. “Laugh all you want but stop doubting these things just because you haven’t experienced them,” Vic says sternly. “Maybe I’ll never know, seeing as you claim I was never in love,” I retort with a shrug.

When I pull up to her place, we sit in silence for a moment, marinating in the mutual aggravation we developed from our stubbornness. Eventually she turns my way as she unbuckles her seatbelt. “I’m sorry, Liv,” she sighs. “I didn’t mean to be snarky. I just wanted you to understand that these things are real.” I give her a small smile. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to. It’s just… it’s really hard to believe when you didn’t see anything change after being with someone for two years.” She gives me a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder. “I know. Just keep an open mind to it—would I lie to you? Would your mom lie to you?” “No, I guess not.” “Exactly,” she winks, then pulls me into a hug. I squeeze her, smiling at her when we break away. “Have a good night, Vic. Thanks for coming out tonight.” “No, thank you for bringing me out! They’re hilarious and I had a blast,” she exclaims as she hops out of the car. “Night, drive safe.”

I laid in bed for what seemed like hours after I dropped Victoria off, her words cycling in my mind like a tornado. Had I really been looking and smiling that much at Noah all night? Surely I couldn’t have been; two sangrias, my best friend, and four goofy guys made for an incredible night—of course I would be smiling. I was just happy that I found new friends, even if the circumstances were a little dramatic, I guess you could say. It was nice to have someone else understand exactly what you’ve been through, and to just talk about it without feeling judged.

Just as I was about to roll over and get comfortable, my phone lit up next to me on the nightstand. Thinking it might’ve been Victoria, I ignored it at first…but my curiosity got the best of me. I just saw her, what could she possibly be texting me about?

Noah: hope you got home safe, thanks for coming out tonight. had a lot of fun

I held my phone for a moment, a musing grin growing on my face.

Me: I did, thank you. I had a great time, you guys are hilarious! I put a smiley face emoji at the end. Noah: glad to hear it He puts a smiley there. guess that means I’ll invite you to the next one lol

I felt my heart skip a beat, heat rising to my cheeks as I thought about him wanting to invite me out again.

Me: Yeah, I’d like that! Noah: me too. night Liv, sleep well He puts another smiley emoji there. Me: G’night Noah, sleep tight.

I stared at my phone, reading the conversation over and over again, not being able to wrap my head around it. My heart was pounding erratically, my stomach cartwheeling as I pictured the smile on his face as he typed out these texts. The small crinkles at the outer corners of his dark, yet welcoming eyes, the brightness of his perfectly straight pearly whites, the soft chuckle that sounds when he’s amused. I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart, putting my phone back on the nightstand. Maybe he was just enjoying our newfound friendship…or maybe Victoria was right. Maybe there was something about the way we were looking at each other tonight.

|Chapter 6|

#noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens band #nick folio #nick ruffilo #jolly karlsson #fantasy #hanahaki disease #fanfic #fan fiction

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chaoscriess · 2 years

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the first kiss at the swings you mention in the hc's about grieving stu's death... i would love to request something going further into that!!

GUESS WHO'S BACK, BITCHES!!!!

amy oh my gosh I love you I will absolutely do this!! yes!! oh my lord

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒! kissing, teenagers being stupid. reader and stu are 14 in this, might make some people uncomfortable but it's just looking back on their first kiss. reader is um, a little crazy but that's okay cause she is bae

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒! on mobile, format might be weird. lowercase intended, unedited, double periods intended. kinda a modern au, not supposed to be. this is kinda like a flashback to their first kiss sorta deal for these angst hcs. I'm just trying to get back into the habit of writing, please dont expect constant updates again.

young!stu macher x young!fem!reader

stu macher.

stu fucking macher.

if there was anything in the world better than stu macher, you'd set yourself on fire.

stu macher was everything you'd ever wanted and more

the perfect boy

when you first saw him it was on a playset in a park. you were seven years old and it was june.

you were sweating profusely and somehow he wasnt. he came up to you and started talking to you, bragging about how his dad took him surfing every week before coming to the park. suddenly, he said "you're really pretty, you know." you smiled and blushed, letting your mind wander to thinking about what it would be like to marry him. yeah, you were definitely going to fall in love with this boy.

after that, you sadly lost touch. you had to move away due to your mother getting sick. the two of you went to live with your father in a town two hours away, so he could take care of her.

years later, though, you moved back. your mother had passed away, so you asked to move in with your grandparents. your father couldn't say no to you, no matter how much he wanted to.

the first time you saw him again, it was in your first algebra class of highschool.

on the first day of school, your teacher had noticed he was... well, not the brightest, and that you were decently smart for your age

so, he paired you together.

your teacher held this system the whole year, keeping you next to eachother 24/7 so stu would never fall behind in the lesson, but you never actually talked to eachother, instead, he talked to tatum, the girl that sat behind him.

you weren't complaining about the fact that your teacher sat you two together, you thought he was cute.

you were upset that you couldn't see him more often, since you only had one class with him, but you learned to be grateful for what time you did get to spend with him

even if it was only 60 minutes a day.

that was enough.

you hadn't even noticed that it was the boy from seven years ago. you had fell for him all over again without even knowing it.

but of course, tatum had to be there too.

always sitting behind him, playing with the stupid bracelets he made her.

you wanted those bracelets.

you wanted him to look at you like you created the earth, moon, and stars.

you wanted him to look at you.

so you made a plan.

a plan to kill tatum and have him all to yourself.

albeit, the plan was a bit unrealistic, but it was all that your small, fourteen-year-old brain could come up with.

but you couldn't actually do anything, you were only fourteen, after all.

but obsessing was getting you nowhere.

so you became friends with tatum, as a way to get closer to stu.

even though it hurt you, you had no other way.

one day, a girl came up to you and asked you to find out if tatum liked girls. apparently, the girl had liked her for quite some time and had heard rumors that tatum likes girls. so, instead of asking her directly, she asked you, tatum's bestfriend.

it turns out, she does like girls

you were pretty much ecstatic

while it may not have meant stu didnt have a girlfriend, it did mean that she wasnt his girlfriend.

it meant you had a chance.

trying to confirm the fact that she wasnt his girlfriend, you said "so..you and stu arent dating? I totally thought you were!"

"oh god no! Stu is the loneliest, most single guy i have ever met." you were happy. you actually had a chance.

for once, you weren't upset about your life.

when the next monday came around, you decided you had to take matters into your own hands.

not violently, much to your dismay.

you liked violence, it made you excited, maybe even a bit aroused, but we wont talk about that right now.

even though you wanted violence, you decided against it because you didnt know if stu thought the same way as you.

spoiler alert, he did.

anyways..

you left a note on his desk, telling him that you thought he's cute

and then you signed your name.

when class started, he showed tatum, something you were hoping he wouldnt do.

but he wasnt talking to you. he hadn't said a word since he saw the note.

when class ended, you were the first to leave

you really didnt want to talk to stu, he had been laughing with tatum all hour, and you had a feeling they were talking about you.

but alas, you learned the truth when stu came up to you outside the school after class a few days later

"hey, can we talk? please?" stu walked up to you quickly and spoke fast, presumably wanting to hurry up the awkward conversation that was about to take place. "oh, um.. yeah, sure". you were a stuttering, awkward mess. now that you were sure he knew that you liked him, you were somehow even more flustered than usual. he nodded and walked off, with you following quickly after him. after a few minutes of speed walking after the tall boy, you reached a playground, the same playground that you used to go to as a child. the sun was shining through the clouds that were scattered through the sky, and there was a slight cold breeze flowing through the air. it was october, and even in california, the weather was beginning to chill.

"so.. what did you need?" you rocked back and forth, anxiously awaiting his answer. "well, I saw your note.. and I just wanted to say.. I um.. like you too" you paused your movement and smiled, laughing to yourself. he couldn't be telling the truth, could he? he was laughing with tatum, so they were probably talking about the plan they were making to embarrass you.. right? "y/n, I'm serious. I really, really like you." you shook your head and backed up slowly, speeding up as you got further away. "im... I'm sorry, I ..cant, I'm sorry". you turned around and broke into a sprint, running as far and as fast as you could.

when you got home, you curled up in your bed and cried.

why were you crying?

he said he liked you back, so why were you upset?!

you were confused.

stu couldn't like someone like you, you were.. well.. you!

hours pass, and you decide to get some fresh air, wandering aimlessly around the town.

eventually, you wind up at the park you and stu were at just hours before, sitting on one of the swings. you sigh and look up at the dark night sky.

you let your mind wander, thinking about a distant memory from when you were a child, before you moved away.

"do you have to leave? I'm gonna miss you.." you sigh and swing your legs, moving back and forth slowly on the swing you were sitting on. stu sat next to you, leaning his head on one of the chains that connected the swing to the metal above. "well.. I guess so.. my mom is getting really sick again, so we have to go stay with my dad.. I'm gonna miss you too, but.. I have to leave. you'll remember me though, right?" you turned to look at him, tears pricking your eyes, threatening to spill. he was crying too, sniffling quietly and wiping his eyes, again and again. "I'll always remember you. never forget me, okay?" you smiled through your tears, allowing them to flow as they wished. you tried to speak, but your voice was wobbly and raspy, so you paused and cleared your throat. "I'll never, ever forget you."

you sighed, wishing you had never left. maybe you'd still be friends with the boy. maybe he'd even be your lover by now.

suddenly, something clicked in your mind, and you finally realized why stu seemed so familiar.

as if he was summoned from your thoughts, stu walked up to you and sat on the swing next to you. "hey, look, I'm sorry about earlier, I just-". you cut him off before he could finish. "do you remember when we were kids? we knew eachother, do you remember?". he paused and thought for a moment, before gasping softly and muttering an 'oh my gosh..'. you let out a chortle and nodded. "yeah.. we were like.. inseparable until I moved away". he smiled and nodded, letting out a small 'yeah'. "I think I was like.. in love with you or something.. because, after you left I just.. stopped doing everything. I got like.. really, majorly fucked". you looked at him with raised eyebrows and smiled brightly. "me too, oh my gosh! dude, that move like.. really fucked me up".

after a few more moments, the laughter began to die down. the memory of earlier began to appear In your head and you felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry about that note.. it was stupid." he smiled and sighed before getting off the swing. he reached out for you hand, and you took it, raising yourself off the unsteady swing. "y/n.. its fine, really. I thought it was cute.." you giggled and he stepped towards you. you realized you were still holding his hand so you tried to let go, but he wouldnt let you. he stepped closer again, now he was just inches away. "I really want to kiss you.." you took in a shaky breath, and replied to him. "so do it."

the kiss was amazing, to say the least.

all those years of wishing for the perfect romance..

those years were over, the love had finally arrived.

#chaos' army #chaos calling!#i heart amy!#im in love with stu macher #stu macher fic #stu x reader #stu macher x reader #scream #ghostface #ghostface x reader

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