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confusedfeelsfangirl · 6 months

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JONATHAN SIMS

PITIFUL WET RAG OF A MAN MOTHERFUCKING JONATHAN SIMS.

GOD DAMN BELOVED WIMP ASS STATEMENT GATHERING ,SAD BACKSTORY, LACTOSE INTOLERANT VIBES, AVATAR OF THE NERD, BLINDEST EYE PATRON OF THE CENTURY, KIDNAPPED FOUR TIMES IN 100 EPISODES MOTHERFUCKING JONATHAN SIMS

YOU CAN KEEP CRINGE LIKING MY POSTS I ENJOY THE NOTES I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

WHY DOES HE ALWAYS END UP IN THE MOST FUCKED UP SITUATIONS , EVER SINCE HE WAS A CHILD ??? NO WONDER HE ENDED UP AT THE ARCHIVE, OBSESSIVE ASS AUTISTIC CODED BITCH

THIS LIMP WRISTED SAD PATHETIC MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERALLY POSITIVE EFFECT ON ME, NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE, AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS MOST DEPRESSED COLLEGE PROFESSOR YOU WANT TO HELP WITH HIS COMPUTER VIBES

If i wanted to get into heaven and god said I had to recant all that I’ve ever said about him being adorable and wanting to wrap him into a bundle of towels like a kitten, I’d simply go knock on hell’s door, they at least might accept my pitiful man loving ways. Almost a full ass lesbian and I would marry this man just for the sake of protecting him from the horrors.

If I have to deal with one more person insisting I have a crush on the voice actor and showing me his picture, I will start digitalising myself to escape their bullshit no good hearing and reading comprehension and I will slow down their internet connection out of spite

i dont even know why i love him so much. he reads messed up stories but i am just obsessed because i am projecting.

he better have some more fucked up backstory episodes bc if I never get to acquire more lore on him I will just have to write it myself

I hope he gets some affection and love soon cuz if he doesn’t I’m going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingLoveJonSims

Almost all the episodes have him in them and its still not enough. vaguely see something that reminds me of him and I black out and lose my train of thought for the next 20 minutes

I’ve been spoiled about the ending, but I won’t let that stop me from hoping he gets the peace and love he deserves, i love denial and ignoring canon

I'll lovingly squish jon and his sad pitiful little archivist body will simply crumble to pieces when faced with how much I love him until all that's left is one final statement recorded on his trusty tape recorder titled MAG 201 “A Jon Stan” written in curly-q handwriting on top

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when he’s resuscitated or appears as a cryptid to haunt people so i can make it a reminder on my phone

once a year i will see it and will do so many little things to pay respects to the man who recorded hundreds of fucked up little stories and still couldn’t escape his destiny to became one himself.

(very much inspired by the Jurgen Leitner rant : https://jurgen-leitner-rant.neocities.org )

#tma #jonathan sims #jon sims #jarchivist #jurgen leitner rant #this came to me as I was settling down to work on my thesis and I couldn't concentrate until I wrote it #the magnus archives

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outro-jo · 10 months

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skz dating a non-binary person

pairing: skz members x nonbinary reader

type: scenarios

warnings: most of them are fluff but chan’s is kinda angsty and seungmin’s is lowkey crack, transphobia, queer joke in seungmin’s (don’t take it too seriously), mentions of being misgendered, gender affirming surgery and hrt are mentioned, reader in felix’s is excited about androgyny, closet joke

notes: it’s international non binary people’s day and i wanted to celebrate by posting something relating to it as i am nonbinary myself and don’t see a lot of fanfiction written about us. i want to be extremely clear: i talk about coming out, receiving medical care, and being excited about androgyny. i fully understand that not all of these apply to everyone’s experience as a nonbinary person, and some of them do not even apply to my own personal experience. these are works of fiction and i hope they are comforting to other nonbinary/gender queer individuals. i would also like to note that i kept this as neutral as possible so that no matter your assigned sex/gender at birth you can read this. if there’s anything i missed, please reach out to me! i want to remind you all that you are valid and loved no matter what. i hope that you enjoy even if you aren’t nonbinary or gender queer and just celebrate (what’s left of) this day with us! happy reading!

please read info before requesting!

masterlist | info

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seungmin- coming out

the elevator to the dorms was moving slow and while normally it would have annoyed you, you were kind of thankful for it today. you let out a deep sigh, rubbing your palms on your jeans. today was the day you were finally coming out to seungmin and your nerves were alight. the elevator finally dinged, signaling you were on the right floor and you soon stood at seungmin’s door, awaiting an answer. “oh! hey! c’mon in!” jeongin greeted you. “seungmin! your gf/bf is here!!!” he yelled out, making you cringe before running back to his own room. seungmin poked his head out of his bedroom, “hey! in here. felix is getting on my nerves today.” felix overheard and bickering ensued which under normal circumstances would at least get a chuckle out of you, but right now all you could do was sit on seungmin’s bed and stare at the floor. seungmin noticed and stopped mid sentence, “hey, you ok?” he asked as he shut the door behind him. it wasn’t until he sat next to you that you finally heard him. “what? sorry, i was zoning out.” you have him a weak smile. “are you ok? what’s on your mind?” his eyebrows furrowed in concern. panic filled your chest and before you could even think about anything you blurted out, “i’m non binary!” those furrowed brows quickly raised in surprise as seungmin stared back at you with wide eyes. “umm does this make me gay?” was all he asked. now it was your turn to be confused. “dude, i can’t answer that. that’s all you.” you threw your hands up in surrender. seungmin sat for a minute, face scrunched up in what looked to be deep thought. finally he said. “i don’t care. i just wanna date you.” relief washed over you and your shoulders visibly slumped as a wide smile spread across your face. “really? you’re ok?” “why wouldn’t i be? i can’t tell you who you are. i just get to love whoever that is.” he said with a shrug to his shoulders. you could cry. you never expected a reaction like this from him and you knew in that moment he was the one for you.

lee know- coming out to parents

minho knew from the beginning of the relationship. it’s something you’re up front with when it comes to new people in your life but never something you could tell your family. the thought alone terrified you. however, your therapist had been encouraging you to be authentically yourself and that meant coming out to your parents. minho was supportive but hesitant. he was extremely protective over you and the kind of mistreatment you could receive because of your gender identity but he was always for you being yourself completely. so when the two of you went to your parents house for dinner, minho had your hand in his the whole night. he had encouraged you on the front steps that you moved at your own pace and should tell them whenever you felt comfortable, even if that meant not coming out at all. your mother had actually been talking about a friend of hers who had a non binary child. she spoke relatively positively and it gave you a small sense of optimism. your father was his usual self, not making too many comments on the subject. the night progressed and you felt it was time. you gave minho’s hand a squeeze and in response he sat up straighter, preparing for anything. “mom… dad… there’s something i’d like to tell you.” you started. “uh-oh! we’re not hearing wedding bells yet, are we?” your mom teased. you laughed and shook your head as minho protested alongside you. “not yet.” you said, smiling at him. “it’s actually um…” both of your parents leaned forward in anticipation, their face starting to read worried. “i’m… i’m nonbinary.” your chest tightened and you started to fidget but minho tightened his grip on your hand to settle you. your parents sighed and looked at each other. “well, what are your pronouns, dear?” in that moment, your heart could have burst. the rest of the evening was spent with your parents actually listening to you and asking how they can better support you. you left that night with tears in your eyes. minho led you to the car and opened the door but stopped you. he wrapped his arms around you tightly and you melted into him. “i’m so proud of you.”

jeongin- being misgendered

from the moment you came out to jeongin, he was nothing but sweet and supportive. though you told him you were open to questions, he wanted to take it upon himself to learn all he could to be the best partner for you. everyday it seemed like jeongin was surprising you with new knowledge he’d learned. it came as no surprise to you that when the two of you were out with some friends and one of them misgendered you, jeongin was the first to speak up. your mouth had barely opened when jeongin started kindly correcting them and reminding them of your pronouns. your cheeks felt flushed and you were trying your best to conceal the smile on your face. no one had ever protected you like this before. when the two of you were heading home, in the back of the cab you took his hand. “thank you for earlier.” you gave him a sheepish look. jeongin smiled at you warmly before leaning in to kiss your lips softly. “you never have to thank me for that.”

hyunjin- celebrating non-binary day

the day was normal. you woke up and did everything like you usually did; getting ready, work, coming home. nothing overly special or ordinary about the day that was until your boyfriend came home. “baby!” hyunjin burst through the door as you were standing at the stove making dinner. “hi, love” you greeted him without turning to look at him but he rushed over to you, taking your shoulders in his hands. “why didn’t you tell me?!?” his eyes were wide, his hair all messy and windblown. “tell you what, baby?” you raised a confused eyebrow. “what do you mean ‘what’? it’s literally your day!” he turned off the stove and pulled you by your hand back to your bedroom. “get dressed i’m taking you out.” “hyune, why? what are we celebrating?” you finally stopped and stood in front of him with your hands on your hips. “it’s international non-binary people's day and i know that we have trans day of visibility and pride month, this is also a special day where i can celebrate you.” he smiled at you, his eyes turning into cute crescent moons. “awe hyune…” you tucked into his chest for a hug. “i love you.” “i love you, too, baby. now hurry up! the day’s almost over!” he rushed you into the closet (not again 😮‍💨) with a pat to your bum.

chan- receiving hate

chris was supportive of you as soon as he met you. he often told you how proud he was of you and how brave you were for just being yourself. it meant the world to have that kind of support from your partner which held you up during hard times when the rest of the world wasn’t so supportive. most of the time any sort of mistreatment or misgendering rolled right off your back. you know who you are and no bigot could ever get to you, but ever since people found out you and chris were dating… it’s been a lot. you have seen a lot of supportive comments and other trans/nonbinary people happy celebrating your relationship which was amazing to see but the negative comments were just getting to you. it was nearly 3am and you were just doom scrolling, crying over all the hate. you knew you needed to stop, especially with chris coming home soon, but you just couldn’t. as expected, the front door opened and shut but you still couldn’t look away. “hey, baby, i’m— no, hey! what’s wrong?” he rushed right over to you, pulling you into his arms. he looked down at your phone and knew. “you’ve gotta quit reading that shit.” chris said through gritted teeth, pressing a kiss to your temple. it’s easier said than done and he knew that all too well. he can think back to times when he was feeling his lowest, reading all the awful things people had to say about him. the fact that it was happening to you just simply because you were being your authentic self made his blood boil. all he wanted to do was tell those transphobes off or beat the shit out of them, anything to protect your light but he knew he couldn’t. the only thing he will ever be able to do is hold you, kiss you, and remind you of just how amazing you are. that’s what he’ll always do.

changbin- buying you something pride related

changbin is not the type of guy to do something half way. he’s loud and proud and when you came out to him as non binary, he wants to do everything he could to show you he was supportive. you were both home one day, cuddling on the couch and catching up on new episodes of a show when you were alerted that a package was at your door. “binnie, did you order anything?” you asked as you shuffled to the door and scooped the package from the steps. “shit, bin! it’s heavy!” he rushed over from the couch to grab it from you, “ooh it’s here!” he was all giddy for some reason. “baby, what is it?” you asked again as he sliced it open. the entire box was full of yellow, purple, white and black. you recognized the colors immediately and your heart melted. he giggled as he pulled out flags, blankets, cards, buttons, plushies, literally anything he could get his hands on that had the non-binary pride flag colors on it. “look! it’s a little bee!!” he showed you, bouncing excitedly. “binnie, this is so cute, but why did you get all this stuff.” you instantly regretted asking that question when the grin on his face turned into an adorably painful pout. “because i’m really proud of you and i love you. i’m really glad you came out to me.” he said in pout. a smile grew on your face. “i’m glad i came out to you too, binnie.” changbin returned to his excitement, grinning from ear to ear and bouncing again before leaning in to kiss you quickly.

jisung- gender affirming care

today was a very special day. you finally get to see your new body, the way you’d always wanted it to be. all those nagging voices in the back of your head could finally stop and you would start to feel like the person you were always meant to be. you were giddy when you woke up and your boyfriend was too. jisung was one of the most supportive people you’d ever met. when you came out to him, he had felix bake you a cake and then cried when he “outed” you to felix (who you had already told). and when you started hrt, he got excited at every milestone and change. even when you told him about the surgery you wanted, he was doing research and going to every appointment, asking questions about your safety and care. he helped you every step of the way and now he was holding your hand in the office over his bouncing knee, probably more anxious than you were. the doctor came in and greeted you before carefully removing the bandages and assessing the healing process. “the stitches look good? i’ve been keeping them clean!” jisung chimed in. “they look amazing! you did a great job!” the doctor confirmed and you sent jisung a wink. “ok, now let’s have you take a look.” the doctor rolled his chair back so you could stand and look in the floor length mirror. you took slow, small steps to the mirror, your heart beating out of your chest. as you came into view, tears began to form in your eyes. yes, there were red scars and yes it wasn’t perfect, but that was you. jisung came up behind you, carefully reaching out to hold your sides and tuck his chin into your shoulder. “are you happy, baby?” he asked softly. you nod, turning to look at him with the tears now falling down your cheeks and a wide smile on your face. “that’s me, jisungie.” you let out a light laugh. jisung kissed your cheek. “you’re beautiful, my love. i’m so proud of you.”

felix- gender euphoria

you were in line at the coffee shop waiting for your drinks. felix had grabbed a seat over by the windows and was already people watching as he waited. suddenly your name was called and you walked up to the counter. “here you are, sir—uh, ma’am…sir?” the poor teenage worker couldn’t decide on what to call you. you laughed, “thank you.” electricity coursed through your veins as you rushed over to the table with your drinks. “LIX!” you squealed in a hushed tone. his face immediately lit up upon seeing yours. “someone’s happy! did they actually get your order right this time?” he asked taking a sip of his drink before making a face. “ugh, it’s right. this is yours.” “no, ok, listen!” he leaned in eagerly, finally grabbing the right drink and taking a sip. “the barista couldn’t tell what gender i was! the poor kid kept just going back and forth trying to figure out if i was a ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’!” your feet kicked under the table. “SLAY!” felix cheered. you cringed. “i think i regret teaching you that.” “excuse me, i learned it on tiktok before i even met you!” he feigned offense. “i think that’s somehow worse.” you laughed. “yeah, well, either way i’m happy for you, love. the gender euphoria must feel so good right about now.” “incredible!”

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elordislut · 3 months

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Synopsis:

Willow "Kinney" Rivers

I had to run.

Fleeing from Duke University was never in my mother's plans for me, but I had run out of options. I had no other choice than to break her trust. North Carolina had nothing left for me. In fact, it never had anything for my soul. I craved more. No - I needed more.

The University of Oxford was meant to be a fresh start for me as I began my Junior year. I had dreamt of Oxford for as long as I could remember, clipping out news articles that fled the US regarding England's renowned college and plastering them in my 'dreams' notebook. I had left all of my secrets behind me in the states, and this was my chance to recreate myself and become the person I was always meant to be.

However, my new roommate had other plans.

Jacob Elordi

I couldn't help myself. The moment I saw the brunette plastered on my friend's sofa, I knew she was mine. There was nothing that would stop me from taking her. Even Willow herself couldn't stop me. I needed her more than breathing, my infatuation morphing into obsession the longer she remained clueless to my presence.

I had made a promise to myself the mere second I caught a glimpse of her soft, innocent face. I would break her, rearrange her pieces, and make her need me more than she ever dreamt possible.

She will be mine no matter how long the chase is.

She will bow to me.

Even if I have to take matters into my own hands and get them bloody.

__________

> Hello everyone! I was filtering through Jacob Elordi fanfiction on AO3 and Wattpad with no luck of anything I found interesting enough with proper witting. I decided to take matters into my own hands and write one for myself and everyone else to enjoy.

> Please note this is a DARK ROMANCE that takes place in an alternate universe. Jacob is not famous and attends the University of Oxford in England along with many originally characters. And possibly Harry Styles later on because I’m a sucker.

> I am including a snippet of the prologue below so you can get a taste of my writing to see if you will enjoy it. I will be posting these on Wattpad.

> This story will be updated every Saturday.

__________

PROLOGUE

PREVIEW ONLY

The door looms before me as I hold onto a box full of my personal items. The wood is a warm brown that teeters on the edge of orange. It makes me nauseous just looking at it. My stomach rolls as I reach for the black doorknob. The color of the metal clashes against the wood, causing me to inwardly cringe. It reminds me of Halloween in a not so aesthetic way. It's hideous.

The University of Oxford makes me feel nauseous in general as anxiety sinks it's nails deep into my stomach and claws it's way up my insides. As I push the door open to reveal my new living space, I stagger backwards at the smell of fresh paint and sawdust. The scent does nothing to calm my racing heartbeat as I walk through the threshold. I take a deep breath to rest my racing mind. The carpet is red and looks like blood that has been dried up for weeks. My stomach lurches again.

I'm not ready.

Leaving North Carolina was never in my mother's plans for me. As much as I'd always yearned to attend such a renowned, foreign school, she forced me to forget my dream the moment I could utter the word 'college'. She told me it would never happen, and that I had somewhere better to look forward to. My entire life bad been planned out for me before I was even born. I've never been my own person, and the thought of starting now — and what felt like a million miles away from my hometown — is nearly enough to knock me off of my feet.

I inhale shakily, my manicured fingertips drumming softly against the box in my hand as I walk into the room with a lag in my steps. I observe the room quickly, a frown gracing my lips as the same, ugly brown tone decorates the space before me. There's merely two beds on either side of the room with a desk at the foot of each one. The only other piece of furniture is the red sofa that rests between the two beds up against the wall. It looks to be a futon, and the color is nearly identical to the carpet that is glued to the floor.

I'm quick to set my cardboard container onto the table top of my desk before walking back to the hall and grabbing the very few bags of decor I had along with a carry on case. I wasn't much for packing heavily, and a fresh start was exactly what I wanted. Bringing my things from home felt like it would be a massive mistake especially since I had no other choice but to get away from that place. I didn't want to remember or relive any part of my past now that I was in England.

It seems as though I am the first one in the room. It resembles exactly what I believe an expensive asylum to look like, albeit with less tiling. The windows are articulate. They range from the floor to the ceiling but are designed in a 1930s architecture. The stone that surrounds each of the fourteen windows is weathered and cracking, giving off a medieval vibe to the otherwise mid century style. The room is very eccentric, and I can't decide if the colors are the worst thing I've ever seen or if they just remind me that I'm no longer at Duke — 'an Ivy League University of the South'.

I inhale sharply, forcing my mind into a state of relaxation as I begin to rummage through my things. I'm quick to place my fake plants along the bottom of the windowsill and on top of the provided desk. Once everything looks exactly the way I want it to, I allow myself a moment to look out the window and take in the scenery. We're at the back of the campus, in front of a wooded area that's currently bare due to the chilled air that makes it's way through Oxford.

I open the middle window, smiling as the cool air brushes into the room. The balcony that is laid out before me is just as weathered as the crowning around the windows. It's easily accessible, and I can't stop myself from picturing a warm coffee and a book accompanying me out here every morning.

As I climb back through the window, I see a flash of black at the entryway. I immediately turn to glance at the open door, instantly relaxing as I see a girl talk to another hall mate. She isn't dressed in black, but my mind plays tricks on me lately. I shake my head in annoyance at myself as I begin pulling out my soft green sheets. They're a shade between sage and pistachio, but not quite as blue. My teeth capture my bottom lip between them as I contemplate the correct color all the while covering the sheets with an oversized, white comforter.

Once my bedding looks perfect along with my white and green pillowcases, I can't help but immediately reach for a book. My clothing and school supplies can wait until tomorrow. My first class isn't until Tuesday morning, and it's currently Saturday afternoon. I release my hair from a brown claw-clip before sauntering to the sofa. I sniff the fabric that covers the seating quickly, making sure it's been clean before flopping onto it. My bare legs bend upward, swaying softly in the air as I lay my book out in front of me.

Just as I get deep into my romance novel, I feel a chill slide along my spine. As I glance up, I jump slightly. An embarrassing gasp escapes me. My quivering hand rests tenderly along my chest to cover my racing heart. I can't help the feeling of doom settling into my gut.

"Christ," I curse quietly, southern accent on full display, "you scared the shit out of me."

TO BE CONTINUED…

click the link to read more.

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chrimsonfoxdon · 21 days

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Ooh question, you mentioned rewatching as an adult, and I'm curious, what kinds of things do you view differently now? I'm rereading the manga after a long time too, and the big thing I'm noticing is that I have more compassion now, especially towards characters who I didn't realize reminded me of myself and not in the best ways 😂 And especially during part 1 I found myself wondering why we don't see their parents more often (for those who still have them) and who took care of them growing up (for the others).

I have felt similar!! Ok I’m gonna maybe list stuff out on what I’ve noticed I view differently.

Very long post under the cut of me rambling (again)!

1. My Opinion on What I Consider Good Media Has Changed

Starting with this one as I feel it’s a big overarching thing that’ll dictate all my other opinions and thoughts. I’ve watched, read, and listened to A LOT of other series and media since I first started watching Naruto (also you know life experience and such), so I have a better idea of what is “good” media and what is “bad.” When I was younger, I considered Naruto to be the best of the best, but I don’t think that now (as far as anime that title now goes to FMA:B it’s very good please watch it if you haven’t oh my god). It has a lot of flaws, some endearing and others… not so much. Granted that’s any piece of media. Nothing is perfect (not even FMA:B). But despite that, I’ve also learned that it’s ok to still enjoy it!! Imo it’s not all bad, I mean, we’re still here discussing it yea?

I guess the TLDR of this part is: it’s cringe but that’s ok cuz life is short and we should enjoy the stuff we like.

2. Female Characters/Feminism

I feel like, while these are different topics, they’re very linked together in how I watch Naruto now so I’m putting them together. When I was younger, I didn’t like really any of the female cast (except Tenten). I found them “annoying,” to put it simply. Sakura always chasing after Sasuke?? Lame. Ino being obsessed with her looks?? Shallow. Hinata losing to Neji? Weak. I began to think that I didn’t like those characters because I didn’t like female characters mostly as a whole (which is kinda hilarious cuz I did start making Chihiro back then who does in fact identify as a woman LOL!!). But this negative attitude towards female characters not only leaked into how I consumed other media, but how I saw myself and other women irl. Like I distinctly remember believing that a woman could never beat a guy in anything. Which is uh… not true!! And kinda fucked up!!!

Now that I’m older I just realize that kishimoto doesn’t know how to write women all that well. Imo, it’s not the girls’ faults, it’s their creator. Which is disappointing but also freeing almost?? Plus, I can now appreciate what good they do have to offer!! (I talked a little about the konoha 12 girls and what I like about them in this ask in case you’d like details on individual characters)

I think also being exposed to other fans with differing opinions and views has helped me with this as well. When I first started watching I didn’t really go online (wasn’t a thing in Cuba plus I wasn’t really interested), so I didn’t really have other perspectives to bounce off of.

Also wanted to add that there are definitely parts of the show I laughed off before but you know, just are not acceptable nowadays. Mainly thinking of Shikamaru talking down on girls/women, Neji made a rude comment about girls too (that Tenten corrected him on tho thank you queen), and some bits that could be perceived as a little transphobic (I’m not trans tho so I don’t wanna speak for them on that bit). Its viewpoints that I feel are a product of the time, but does not make the overall series bad per se.

3. Seeing Other Children as a Child VS as an Adult

Ngl since I grew up with Naruto, I feel as if I will always see them as my peers in a sense. If anything, almost like the “older kids” in school. Like I don’t know if this is a common perception, but I remember when I was like in 2nd grade I saw 6th graders as like tiny adults, but then when I was in 6th grade I saw 2nd graders as like babies. Does that make sense?? Anyway, it’s interesting rewatching Naruto as an adult and seeing my “peers” when they were younger. I remember thinking that 12 & 13 year olds were badass and cool and practically ready for the real world (I was like 8 or 9 when I first started watching leave me alone), and being amazed at stuff like the chunin exams. Nowadays my brain just kinda goes “why are we letting these CHILDREN go to war???” It’s a similar story with like the sensei. Thinking they’re so experienced and old and… now I’m the same age as them and I’m still young!!

4. Might Gai is Cringe and I Love Him For That

The way I didn’t appreciate this man when I was a kid is a CRIME. Teaching his students (and friends) that it’s important to find joy in life is SO IMPORTANT and Gai just does an EXCELLENT job with that!! He strives to be a source of light for the people in his life, and to show others it’s important to smile and laugh from time to time. It warms my cold dead grownup heart what can I say. There’s a line in OG Naruto after Lee beats Sasuke in their fight before the chunin exams, where Naruto turns to Sasuke and Sakura as their cringing at Lee and Gai and says, “actually, it’s kinda sweet how they’re all hugging and stuff!” And that kinda summarizes my thoughts on them.

TLDR Might Gai is cringe but he is free and I love him so much for that.

5. Seeing Myself in Characters I Didn’t Before

Off the top of my head, the three characters I see myself in more so now than when I was younger is definitely Choji, Lee, and Tenten.

I was never popular growing up, especially when I moved back to the US after living in Cuba. Kids just didn’t wanna play with me or have me on their sports teams, so I was purposefully left out oftentimes, kinda like how choji was when he was younger. Rewatching that part made me cry honestly HAHA I saw myself so clearly. I’m also plus size so the beauty standards he has to deal with really speak to me. I remember Shikamaru telling him one time that girls don’t have to be skinny to be pretty and I would be lying if that didn’t give me a huge amount of confidence in myself.

Rock Lee’s story has always been top notch, but as someone who chose to specialize in a path that I didn’t really have natural talent for myself it REALLY speaks to me now. I’ll be 100% honest, I was never really one of those “been drawing since I could hold a pencil” kind of kids. I liked it, but I didn’t really consider myself any good until like 8th grade or so. Anyway, there’s this scene where Lee is crying at the training grounds cuz he’s scared that, no matter how hard he works, it’ll all be for nothing and that he’ll always be a loser, and uh… had to turn the show off cuz that struck WAAAAAAAY too close to home for me as an artist with a… let’s be real, a failing art business. Anyway, he inspires me though to keep going cuz this is what brings me joy. I may take longer than most, but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person for it.

Tenten I’ve honestly seen a lot of myself in even when I was younger! But there’s this filler episode that goes into detail on how she tried really hard to be just like Tsunade, since that was her dream since she was little. Turns out she doesn’t have the capacity to do that (not being able to do medical ninjutsu well, etc), but she finds her own strengths along the way. What really spoke to me was letting go of your childhood dreams. It’s hard. It feels like you’re failing in a way. But Tenten was able to persevere and find a new and even better path forward for herself. And that’s just amazing. I love seeing that, and it helps me feel as if I too and maybe find my path.

6. Final Thoughts and Random Little Things

I think it’s also safe to say that I can pick up on story flaws (I’m looking at you 4th great ninja war arc) and inconsistencies (how the heck does the hyuga clan work wtf). It’s a long series and nowadays you can binge the whole thing in one sitting (I don’t recommend that please take care of yourself). Back in my day I had to wait a whole week to watch the next 26 minute episode with commercials in between. Also I was a kid. AHAHA!! But again, long series, so I’m sure Kishi forgot about certain details while he was being pushed to continue the series.

Also my views on certain things that happened in the series changed based on what I know what happens later, which I find to be quite fun!

Overall I still enjoy the series, both for similar reasons as I did back in the day (Neji) and for new reasons!! Flaws and all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#chit chat #naruto #naruto meta

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canonicallyobserving911 · 10 months

Text

Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

___________

I was tagged by @spotsandsocks. Thank you for the tag💕.

I wanted to share seven several sentences from chapter 4 of “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

I’m enjoying writing this fic because it’s giving me the chance to unravel the mess that was the 6x18 ending for Buck, Eddie and Chris. Also, it’s taking them places the show refuses to go including Buck facing his past (Taylor’s book just bit him in the ass at the end of chapter 3 and Eddie doing a self-evaluation journey so he can try new things, some of which he believes he missed out on when he was younger.

Chapters 1, 2 & 3 are already available on AO3 and chapter 4 will be posted soon.

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Here are two snippets from chapter 4 since Eddie’s in El Paso and Buck’s still in L.A.

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Eddie

Eddie wakes up when his phone starts ringing at 7:02AM. He glances at the contact info on his cellphone and he only answers it because he sees his sister, Adriana’s picture.

“Adriana, why are you calling me so early?” He says with a rough raspy voice.

“Well… hello to you too Eddie and did you know good morning is the best way to greet someone this time of day?”

“Yes, I do know that but you’re calling me way too early. Is everything ok?”

“It is but I’m calling for a good reason.”

He sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “Oh yeah, what’s the reason?”

“I’ll tell you when I know you’re awake. Are you fully awake?”

“Adri, are we really doing this at…” He trails off as he pulls the phone away from his ear to see the time. “7:03AM? Surely you could have saved this conversation until later in the day.”

“I could have but I want to take you and my nephew to breakfast. We all took off work for the family reunion and since we haven’t seen you in a couple of months, we want to spend time with you.”

“Look... we just got here last night and I was planning to go grocery shopping this morning since we’re staying at an Airbnb and…” He doesn’t get to finish because she interrupts him.

“Eddie! Let me treat you to breakfast, please?”

“Ok, ok… but I need to be back her before 12noon.”

“Why?” She asks with a huff at the end of her question.

He goes back and forth about whether he should mention he’s in therapy but instead he decides to avoid giving her a direct answer.

“I have some stuff I need to do... stop being so nosy.”

Buck

He cringes when he hears a laugh followed by, “If it isn’t Evan Buckley as I live and breathe.”

Even though he wasn’t sure on Monday when Ali Martin drove into the firehouse with her son, or on Tuesday when he bumped into Natalia Dollenmeyer at the beach with her fiancé or on Wednesday when he saw Abby Clark’s, or whatever the hell her married last name is, new baby announcement on Facebook; but now he’s 100% sure the universe is not only mocking him, it’s taunting and making fun of him too. He wishes he would have listened when the universe tried to warn him but it’s reminding him that he didn’t.

Taylor loudly says, “Come on Buck, I know you broke up with me but we can still be friends, can’t we?”

Buck doesn’t respond, he just turns around and walks out of the coffee shop.

Taylor’s right on his heels and she follows him towards the parking lot.

“Wow, I didn’t know you would completely stop talking to me.”

“Uh… I don’t think we should be talking to each other right now, I—I mean with everything that’s happened.”

“Oh, you mean my book. Don’t worry Buckley I didn’t name you specifically.”

Buck sees red and he wants to curse her out but he’s trying to remain dignified.

“Let’s not do this Taylor, please.” He exasperatedly says.

“Let’s not do what? You mean payback?”

“Payback? What the hell does that mean?”

Buck’s so involved in his conversation with Taylor, he’s not paying attention to the Channel 8 news crew that just pulled into the drive thru. The cameraman starts filming when he recognizes them and he captures their entire argument on film.

___________

Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

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Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Will be posted soon.

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Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading

Read chapters 1, 2 & 3 on AO3.

No pressure tagging: @shortsighted-owl.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 fox #911 on fox #911onfox #911 abc #911 season 7 speculation #911 fanfic #buddie wip #buddie fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #ao3 fanfic #Buddie Seven Sentence Sunday #Several Sentences Sunday #Hiatus Reading

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mdhwrites · 1 month

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10 Years In And My Biggest Mistake As a Writer

I let my writing fear the void all of me is terrified of.

This isn't going to be a fun one about cancelled works or bad ideas. This is your reminder that I've been a writer for ten years. I've been in therapy for 8 3/4s and depressed for roughly half a year before that. But if I look upon the failures of me as a writer, especially with how I am now, it's kind of impossible to ignore.

I fear silence in all things. I compulsively check everywhere I post when I post because my brain is terrified of having done something wrong. For this to be when I lose everything because of a mistake. It perceives everything I do as a mistake waiting to collapse in on itself. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and that's just kind of a part of that. I am a MUCH more scared person than I probably come across as in these blogs.

With my writing though... The only fanfics I've written since getting on Ao3, with the exception of one I want to convert still, I haven't posted are because I have to brace myself when I post my works and for these works, I just never found the strength despite liking them. It was so bad at one point that I would be in essentially meltdown mode for an entire day after posting something because of the standards my brain had for what should be a success. What even could be a success. What meant that the work had not been thrown into the void.

What meant the time had not been a waste and only done more damage. And yes, this has affected my content. I've talked in my Discord about how it's MUCH harder for me to even consider writing erotica because that's not the audience I have. I know if I made a big erotic work again and was really open about it, pushed it like my other books, I would lose a not insignificant amount of people with 'NSFW DNI' in their bios. The silence I'd get is almost as terrifying as the backlash I'd potentially get, even if I have ALWAYS had this twin nature to my writing.

So how do I ever fight that? Well... Essentially with manic energy. I have described most of my books as having been written in sprints. These periods where an idea is so strong in my head that it fills the void. I don't hear it because ALL of my being needs to be working on the project. I have trouble doing literally anything else and just work and work until the story is done. Of course, any crack during these time periods becomes MUCH worse as it's holding back the void, not eliminating it. My worst nights always come when I'm manic.

And in terms of my analytical blogs, well... There's a reason I do TOH mostly. I can get emotional enough talking about TOH that even if it doesn't always come across in the blog, that annoyance and anger manages to block out the void as well. To help me remember that I know what I'm talking about and can do something with that fact, just like I know I'm a good writer who people enjoy when my inspiration for a story takes hold. But have you ever wondered why I don't do more blogs for Star Rail? I just feel so much more uncertain, for a lot of reasons, when it comes to my opinions with that game and don't usually have the fervor to help coalesce those into something more concrete or strong enough to get on the page without panicking and shelving it.

And I want to make something clear about all of this: It is good to understand your audience. It's good to be open and inviting to criticism so as to make yourself better at what you do. You shouldn't let that make you afraid to do what you want to do. You should meet your creative passions with the enthusiasm of a fanfic writer just wanting to explore the thing they love, regardless of reaction or attention or reward. You should be happy to be cringe in your creation as that will set you free.

I just wish I knew how to make it so my mind could accept that wisdom instead of saying, "Okay but not for you."

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#Writing #Depression

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f1-stuff · 11 months

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hi! gn...i wonder how do you manage to write smut scenes so hot using not that many words? how do you make it sound so sexy? i kind of like to write smut but mine seems flat and not really emotional :/

omg hi... my answer ended up being long so it's under the cut!

First of all, thank you - I'm not sure that anyone feels 100% happy with the smut that they write (or even 50% happy lol), and I am definitely included in that group. I often cringe when I read back my own writing, and I think there will always be room to grow. Also, just to get this out of the way, "good smut" is entirely subjective and there are many different types of smut that can be good, but my answer is gonna lean toward the kind I write, for obvious reasons.

All of that being said, and with the understanding that I need to take my own advice 😅, I think a lot of times, less is more. It can feel like you need to be really descriptive to get across what you're imagining in your head, but oftentimes, all of the descriptive stuff starts coming across as a bit clinical, and distracts from the emotion of the moment. Some description is necessary, but I also have to remind myself sometimes that in this moment, the character whose perspective I'm in probably wouldn't be cataloguing every little thing happening after a certain point - they would be swept up in the moment and likely not thinking with their brain anymore lol.

Maybe the most important part of the best smut (imo) is the characters connecting. Never forget that these are two (or more) people doing something incredibly intimate together, even if the characters aren't necessarily thinking about that or acknowledging it. So sometimes, it's good to introduce moments of pause/introspection, or just moments where the characters are simply connecting on an emotional level, amidst all the physical stuff. I also like to try and come up with specific things that each character likes, whether it's related to their personality/kinks/etc. I think this helps bring the characters to life and makes the smut more personal and unique, which makes it feel more real.

In terms of my process, I always try to write a smut scene all the way through, without stopping or getting interrupted (which is sometimes outside of your control). I feel like writing it that way helps to get me into the moment and helps me better flow from one thing to the next, as if I were there and the natural next thing would be to...etc. Also, remind yourself of all the senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, smell... I wanna feel like I'm there! But that doesn't mean including all those senses all the time. Just remember that sometimes the sound of something or the feel of something etc. can be sexier than the actual thing, and that maybe describing those elements instead of the mechanics of something could take the smut to the next level.

After that, I usually give it a day and go back to read it with fresh eyes. This is when I cringe-read through whatever I wrote the first time lol. But that's totally normal (at least in my experience)! Then, I sort of tweak things to either add more description, or add in the moments of pause/introspection/connection I mentioned before. There's no limit to how many times I might re-read and edit a fic, so it's safe to assume that I've probably edited a smut scene some 20 times before it gets posted anywhere.

Reading smut that you really enjoy and trying to pick apart what you like about it can be helpful. But I also think that ultimately, to write your own, you have to find a way to connect with the characters and make the reader connect with them too. Even in smut that doesn't involve 'romance,' the characters are still feeling something, whether it be excitement, anger, a sense of power, a lack of control - whatever! Find what's motivating the characters, imbue that in the writing, and it'll help bring the smut to life :)

#im so sorry that i wrote an essay smh #i will say im surprised anyone is saying i wrote something with 'not that many words' 😂❤️#anon #ask

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leonscape · 1 year

Text

Very Late Easter Post

I didn't really like the direction this was going and I wasn't sure if I was going to finish it (or at least get to a point where I could end it). This was supposed to be for the Spring Showers Spring flowers CCC event, for the prompt, "Green Grass" but I failed. I just decided to post this since I went though all the trouble of writing it lol. Enjoy it, if you can...

There was nothing more terrifying than Katherine’s competitiveness. The easter egg hunt in the castle was hosted by her, but the eggs were hidden by the servants per her request so she could also participate in the hunt. Not all participants needed to be convinced or bribed, but at last, everyone agreed to participate.

Chevalier frowned as he held the basket for Emma; he looked like he didn’t want to be there, but his wife’s excitement was hard to ignore.

Clavis had an unusually large grin on his face and Ava stood next to him with an exasperated expression. The festivities hadn't even begun, but Ava was already exhausted.

On the bright side, all the other couples were quite excited. Even Licht was smiling.

Cyran reminded them all of the rules before starting, “Remember, you can’t separate from your partner; wherever they go, you go too. There are no eggs outside of the palace grounds, so going outside is off limits. No traps. Of any sort… No fighting either, we don’t want any injuries. If you break any rules, you and your partner are disqualified from the contest.”

“Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to be disqualified?” Ava asked.

“Not to worry my love bunny, I will make sure we’re not disqualified,” Clavis assured.

“Please don’t call me that.” Ava cringed.

“All right love muffin.”

“Why do I even bother?”

Cyran cleared his throat, “Okay everyone, get ready, get set, go!”

Everyone took off in different directions, scrambling to cover as much ground and collect as many eggs as possible. They all scoured the inside of the palace, and Emma was about to do the same, but Chevalier walked off.

“Uh… Chevalier? We’re supposed to stay together,” Emma chased after him. He said nothing and just kept walking. They got to the gardens and he began silently collecting all the eggs. Since no one else was outside, there were lots of eggs to be collected. Emma quickly gathered the eggs she found in the area as well. She was so immersed and focused on the task she didn't realize that another couple arrived in the gardens as well.

“Hey guys, how’s your harvest?” Leon asked. His and Irene’s basket was fairly full. “Looks like we had the same idea.”

“It’s going well. We’ve got all the eggs here,” Emma answered.

Meanwhile inside the palace, Katherine was bouncing around everywhere, tearing the rooms apart for the eggs. “AHA THERE YOU ARE. YOU CAN”T HIDE FROM ME,” she bellowed. If the eggs were sentient, they would be quivering, fearing for their lives. Yves didn’t seem to have that much luck with finding the eggs though.

Elsewhere in the palace, Jin was languidly strolling along as Camellia led the way. He would point to the eggs she happened to walk past, and they collected a good amount together. Nothing got past Jin’s sharp eyesight and their total egg count satisfied them.

“You know, you could help collect the eggs,” Camellia said.

“Well, I would but my back is hurting a lot these days,” Jin said, placing his hand on his lower back, feigning back pain. “But I also just like watching you bend over.”

“Jin!” she scolded.

“What? You just look so graceful and beautiful,” he complimented.

“Mhmm sure.”

At the same time, Licht and Darcie collected their eggs as well. Darcie was enjoying herself and so was Licht; happy mostly because she was enjoying it. “To be very honest, I am pretty sure I saw one of the maids hide some in here,” Darcie said.

“Really? I never thought you’d be… dishonest and cheat,” he said.

“There was no rule mentioned about this. I was not told where it was hidden, nor did I hide any myself. I was simply observant this morning as I was going about my daily duties,” she explained.

“It doesn’t have to be stated as a rule to be considered cheating,” Licht mumbled.

“Would you like me to tell someone and forfeit the contest? I am all right with that if that is what you wish to do,” she said.

“No, that’s okay. Let’s just have fun getting all the eggs,” Licht said. His smile was so sweet and pure. He didn’t care about the competition at all, he was just feeling relaxed while spending the day with his lover.

Luke placed an egg in the basket, careful not to damage any of them. “Man, all this searching is hard. All of the obvious ones are gone.”

Reina Luica looked at the eggs in their basket. It wasn’t much but it was honest work. “I think Katherine really wanted to win though. She looked really tense.”

After wandering around for a while with little success finding the eggs, the couple decided to throw in the towel and take a break. They sat down on the settee and relaxed after a hard day’s work. “ Oh well, we did our best,” Luke sighed.

“Giving up so soon?” Nokto questioned. He and Phoebe approached Luke and Re-L.

“Yeah, I already had so much fun! But I can’t find any more eggs,” Re-L said. Luke yawned and stretched his limbs out. “Besides, I think Katherine really wanted to win, so we’ll leave the last eggs to her.”

“Good point,” Phoebe sighed as she sat down next to them. “She’s too competitive for her own good.”

“You could say that again.” Nokto languidly took his place next to his lover and the four of them relaxed in the shade.

Back in the palace, Katherine was scouring every inch of every room. “Okay, I think all the eggs have been found. If not, they might attract mice and Sariel will be upset with me.”

Just as she turned to exit the room, something outside caught her eye. She gasped in excitement and pressed up against the glass. “What? What is it? Did something happen?” Yves asked in a panic.

“There’s another egg!” she exclaimed. The green grass cushioned the egg like it was an egg throne.

“Fine, let me get it,” Yves said. The couple hurried to the location of the last egg. At first they didn’t think anything of it. It was just a harmless egg, hiding in the grass.

“Wait! Yves don’t-” she tried to warn him, but it was too late. “...step there.”

“WAAAHHHH!” Yves went tumbling down Clavis’ pitfall trap.

Clavis appeared out of thin air. “To be fair, I set that trap last week and it hasn’t caught anything.”

Ava appeared next to Clavis, clearly out of breath. “Do you have short term memory loss? Or did you just not pay attention to the rules? We’re supposed to stick together!” Ava scolded.

Katherine sprinted toward the egg, worried that the other couple would get the last egg. She stuck her hand inside of the grass and pulled the egg out, holding it up triumphantly. “Got it!” She safely put it in the basket and then went to help Yves out of the trap.

“Now I’m all dirty!” Yves grumbled, dusting off his clothes as best he could. “Wait. Did you just- GRAB THE EGG?!”

Katherine sheepishly grinned, but nodded. “It was the last egg, so…”

“But you’re allergic!” Yves scolded.

She brushed it off, hiding her hand. “It just gets itchy, that’s all.”

“Yes, because it's hives! It’s not a mere itch!” Yves shouted. “Come on, let’s go put medicine on it before it gets worse.”

By the time Katherine’s hand was treated and Yves was in fresh, clean clothes, each couple’s eggs were counted up. In first place was Chevalier and Emma, of course. Second place was surprisingly Clavis and Ava. He randomly had eggs stored in his coat. The only reason why they were counted was because there was no rule requiring the eggs needing to be in the basket to be counted. Third place went to Leon and Irene somehow, and in fourth was Yves and Katherine.

She frowned and sighed in disappointment. “I wasn’t expecting fourth to be honest.”

“We still found lots of eggs! Our total isn’t anything to be ashamed of!” Yves said.

“Yeah you’re right,” she sighed. “Well we still have a chance at winning the second game!”

“Oh geez, there’s another gane?” Ava complained.

“Yes, I’ve been playing it since I was little so allow me to explain. But first I would like some volunteers for the demonstration,” Katherine said. No one was eager to step up to the task. Darcie decided to raise her hand because she felt bad. Yves also decided to volunteer for the sake of his lover. “Good, now each of you take an egg.”

They each took an egg from their respective baskets.

“Okay, so it doesn’t actually have a name, but I think it would be appropriate to call it an egg fight. You will use your eggs to battle each other.”

When Darcie heard the word “battle” she immediately thought it was supposed to be violent and she threw the egg at Yves. “Ow!” Yves shrieked as he got a hard boiled egg to the chest.

“Why’d you throw it at him?!” Katherine questioned as she rushed to Yves’ side.

“You said it was an egg fight, a battle,” Darcie innocently replied. “Is that not what you’re supposed to do? If I recall correctly, a snowball fight is played by throwing balls of snow at your opponents.”

“No! That’s not what I meant by fight. You’re only fighting the eggs! The strength of the egg’s shell. So you only hit the other person’s egg,” Katherine explained.

“Oh,” Darcie said, “I apologize. Are you all right, Prince Yves?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He rubbed the ouchie spot.

“This day isn’t going as planned,” Katherine sighed. Meanwhile everyone else seemed to be either entertained or worried.

#leonscape’s ikemen prince au #ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen prince leon #ikemen prince chevalier #ikemen prince clavis #ikemen prince licht #ikemen prince jin #ikemen prince yves #im too lazy to tag things #ikemen prince fanfiction #ikepri fanfiction

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dobaara · 11 months

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hello! feel free to ignore this, but i've been seeing your poems on my dash and i was wondering if you'd like to share a bit about the thought process behind them, your inspirations/influences and how you got started. did you start writing and then study form, or the opposite? or did you not study form at all? also, how long have you been writing? i'd really like to get started with poetry as well but i feel like everything i write is forced and stilted. if you have any advice, i'd love to hear it! if not, that's totally fine of course. have a great day.

hii hello how are you?! thank you for asking me this, I'd love to tell you more! <3

okay so I started writing mainly to try and cope with my trauma and try to heal from it, it still does hurt but I'm glad I decided to write about it, it made the pain a little easier to digest. And I mainly wrote stuff in the genre of heartbreak and sadness (let me tell you, this one poem I wrote that was a mix of the first seven minutes of one of my favorite movies and my own experiences that I wrote three years ago is still one of my favorites to this date) and I found that I quite enjoy writing in that genre, I think it was my way of coping with stuff, which seems ironic but at that time I feel I was truly in my element. My friends all started calling me "Tragedy Queen" like the actress Meena Kumari because I was the most cheerful person who wrote about gut-wrenching stuff. And I started writing at the start of 2020 maybe in Jan (I used to joke around with my friends saying my writing was so bad it bought a virus to my country, god I should have shut up) and at that point of time writing was an escape for me, I did not learn any form, I just wanted to write what I felt and honestly did not think of anything else. I still remember the first poem I wrote (I cringe so hard while reading it now)

And now if you'll see, I write a lot about love, both romantic and platonic because it's what I've been yearning about all these years. If you do check my poems out you'll see that there's always an undertone of longing in some of my poems. For me this shows a lot of healing because after everything I faced where I genuinely hated myself to a place where I couldn't write about love (again both platonic and romantic), happiness and contentment without breaking down at least thrice and havjng my hands shake, this shows a lot of moving forward for me (holy shit I have never acknowledged this before now oh mu god) I still do write a lot of heartbreak because I feel heartbreak has become like a bubble, a comfort space for me. My friends still call me Tragedy queen from time to time, but now I think I kinda like that title now. And it's not like I've completely changed, I'm still insecure of my writings and hate them on the occasional day but I've slowly learned to love it and myself too.

I don't think so I'm in any place to give you advice because I'm still a learner but my advice would be to read poems often. I'm not saying that you have to read one poem per day but that's a nice habit that I'm glad I have. And along with that some time before, I used to write four-five lines everyday as a warmup! (I lost that habit because of uni but thank you for reminding me of it) and also when you do write stuff, realise it's for yourself, I forgot to keep that in mind and tried writing for maybe posting it on here or anywhere else and I genuinely hated what I wrote so do keep that in mind!

happy writing!! <33

— ghazal ♡

#happy writing anon!! thank you for asking me this !! 💓💓💓#a nonnie #asks #mine

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 5 months

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I watched Jerrod Carmichael’s special Rothaniel, and fucking hell, that was good. I’ve been hearing a lot of club sets and podcasts and WIPs lately, and those are all great and I really enjoy them, but it’s been a little bit since I’ve seen a new (well, new to me, it came out in 2022) full and completed stand-up hour, and I really enjoyed that one. It was directed by Bo Burnham, if that helps to make anyone here more likely to watch it. The video’s on HBO, and based on my quick research yesterday, also available in most of the usual places where people who don’t pay for TV subscriptions find HBO videos.

Obviously delivery is always a significant part of stand-up comedy, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a stand-up show (at least, not in the traditional format of one person with a microphone talking to an audience like this one was) where the delivery enhanced the material as much as this one. Incredibly how a guy who casually admits mid-special to being a multi-millionaire, who’s filming a stand-up special for the massive HBO, can make you feel like he’s in your living room whispering secrets to you personally, just by sitting down (so it wasn’t entirely a traditional format, doing stand-up comedy sitting down), and doing some things with his face and his voice and his inflection that I don’t even understand but they really worked. He also had some really thoughtful and gentle audience interactions that made me cringe at first because those things always do, until I realized that actually, everyone is being quite respectful and this is working. I mean, I’m sure there were editing tricks involved in that too, maybe a lot of worse stuff happened in the room. But it came out so smoothly on the video.

This is very much one of those Very Special Episodes of stand-up, with a deep personal meaning and sadness running throughout and all of that, and I really like that it never gets undercut. These days, if a comedian gets too personal or too sad on stage, they tend to undercut it, before or after, with an acknowledgement of how getting emotional during stand-up comedy has become a cliché. They tend to spend at least twice as much time sending up that kind of thing as they spend earnestly engaging in it. And I see why, because it has become really common and it does feel a bit awkward and it takes some of the pressure off if the comedian admits that they know what’s happening.

Because so many people do that, I found myself waiting for that in this one. Waiting for him to break things up and say “Yeah of course it’s dumb that I’m getting so emotional, a stand-up comedian being sad about his family, what’s more cliché than that?” But he didn’t, which was much better than any send-up of the format he could have done. Hearing someone have that much trust in their material, that it had enough emotional weight to carry the hour without needing to be undercut.

It was still funny. It got several out-loud laughs out of me across the hour, which is pretty good for any stand-up special. But it was at least as emotionally effective as it was funny, and at no point did it apologize for being that, and it was really good at being both those things.

Normally on this blog, I try to at least remember to put in a vague spoiler warning (usually like three words before the spoiler itself) for major things, but the general rule, as I try to remind people, is if you haven’t seen the bit of comedy I’m talking about and you want to see it, don’t read my post. That’s kind of how I feel about the internet in general. I don’t understand people who complain about “spoilers” online, because if you haven’t seen/heard/read something yet and want to, you should know that you go looking for internet people talking about it at your own risk. I know full well that if I look things up, I have no one to blame but me if I find spoilers. Because of that, I don’t hesitate to post all the thoughts I have about comedy I like, even if that includes spoilers.

But I’m not going to here, because it was so good, and I think it was better because I hadn’t looked it up beforehand. It’s all really emotionally impactful, and would lose that a bit if I went into specifics about the content. So I won’t, because I really want people who are reading this post to watch it. If you want to see it and don’t know where to find it, message me and I’ll send you a link.

A video that came across my feed earlier today reminded me of that reaction image that I used to use every time people messaged me with requests for links to comedy, which I haven't had many excuses to use lately because internet crackdowns on that stuff has led to me sharing links privately but not publicly anymore. But just so everyone remembers, even though the sharing has moved away from public posts and into messages, this image does still apply to my response to requests for links:

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digital-corruption · 2 years

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To be honest, this chapter was ready to post several days ago, but I was hesitant to post it as I had no idea how I was approaching the next story arc. Now that I have had alcohol, I have some ideas. They're probably trash and I will likely cringe when I am sober again, but let's enjoy the buzz while it lasts! On a side note, community labels... WTF do they do? Let's find out! 🤣

Did I mention I've had alcohol? 😂 WTF number am I up to? Oh yeah...

It feels shorter than I remember...

Unrecognisable Part 43

Twelve hours later, we not only had the location of Cyan’s hideout, but we had used the CCTV camera covering the area along with a camera of a similar angle to create fake footage of us entering the building. Jake seamlessly cut the two clips together to create the perfect fake. All that was left was sending it to the police.

We debated on how best to observe the fruits of our labour. The safest option would’ve been staying back and watching over the CCTV, but that just felt so empty to us. No, we had to see it in person. So we set up on the third floor of the building across the road. We found a spot next to a set of large windows with a perfect view of area. I stood watch at the window while Jake sat on the floor and loaded up his laptop.

“It’s quiet, are you sure they’re there?” I questioned nervously.

My hand started to tremble from the anxiety. I shoved my hand in my hoodie pocket to try to keep it under control. I was suddenly reminded of the drugs and their weight in my pocket. I tried my hardest to ignore them, but somehow I couldn’t stop myself from playing with the pills idly.

“After last night, what do you expect? A giant street party?” Jake joked.

“Shouldn’t we make sure they’re actually there? Oh, let’s order them a pizza!” I suggested.

“No, that would be sus,” he shot me down. “Although, we could send them some prostitutes.”

“And that would be less sus?” I raised my eyebrow accusatorily.

“Cyan can’t say no to women looking to have a good time,” he shrugged. “But that puts the women at risk.”

“Then let’s not,” I sighed. “We’ll just have to assume they didn’t sneak out.”

“Oh!” Jake said suddenly, leaving me hanging for more. His eyes darted back and forth across his laptop screen.

“Jake!” I exclaimed. “You can’t say ‘Oh!’ and nothing else!”

“Sorry, it’s just Cyan put up a message on the dark web. He’s trying to reach out to me to make amends,” he commented.

“What, really?” I said in disbelief.

“Oh, it’s a complete trap,” he laughed. “Cyan wouldn’t be able to catch a hungry mouse.”

“So no second thoughts then?” I chortled.

“Not in the slightest. Shall we proceed?” he looked up at me.

I glanced at the building across the road and bit my lip. This was the first time I ever enacted something so heinous as revenge. This was so completely different to helping get on revenge on a friend’s cheating boyfriend by getting him fired from his job. This could have severe consequences and yet I struggled to feel any remorse. Yet my throat was feeling tighter by the second. My heartbeat pounded in my head. I slipped the pills out of my pocket and glanced down at them, then shoved them back into my pocket.

“Do it,” I said firmly.

Jake hit the enter button on his laptop with such impact that I swear the sound echoed through the empty building. He shifted his laptop aside and came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“It is done,” he whispered in my ear.

Even after all this time together, his voice still sent shivers down my spine. I closed my eyes and snuggled against him, taking in his warmth and his scent.

“Should we place bets on the response time?” I joked uncomfortably.

“I can think of ways to pass the time,” he teased.

My hands started to shake again. I looked down and clenched my fists to control it. Jake put his hands over them lovingly and gave them a gentle squeeze. I unclenched my fists and he slipped his fingers between mine.

“Feeling anxious?” he asked.

I could only nod in response. He kissed my temple and my cheek, then made a trail of kisses from behind my ear down my neck to the sensitive nape. I knew he was trying to get me to relax, but it didn’t seem appropriate. I squirmed out his arms and turned around.

“Really now?” I questioned.

“It’s a good way to pass the time,” he smirked.

He put his hand to the side of my face knowing I would subconsciously lean into it and expose my neck for him to kiss again. A moan escaped my lips as my body started to betray my mind. I grabbed him by roots of his hair and pulled him off to kiss him passionately. He smiled and slipped his tongue between my lips, deepening the kiss. Gently he pushed me back against the window while his hands ran up and down my back, grabbing hungrily at my hoodie. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in close as our tongues danced. Despite how much he was trying to distract me, I couldn’t settle into him. I had to break away to catch my breath. Jake sucked and nibbled on my bottom lip impatiently for the next round.

“Hang on,” I frowned.

Jake pulled away slightly, confused by my interruption. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the pills. Holding them in my hand, they felt heavy.

“Are you sure?” he raised his eyebrow.

“You said we’re safe up here,” I shrugged. “It will help me relax, right?”

“It will,” he confirmed. “It is up to you.”

“Well since we have no alcohol, this will have to do,” I declared.

I opened the container and dropped a pill into my hand. Jake took it out of my palm and broke the pill in half, dropping one half back into my hand and other into the container.

“Try a smaller dose first,” he suggested. “I can’t have you falling asleep on me.”

I swallowed the half without hesitation, then closed the container and shoved it back in my pocket. Jake smiled and pulled me in for another deep kiss. His hands slipped under the back of my hoodie and shirt. Feeling his fingers on the sensitive skin of the small of my back still caused me to gasp, which I swear he devoured. Slowly I felt the tension across my body ease while different feelings took over. Soon I was no longer satisfied with simply making out with him. Judging by Jake’s hands shifting to my front, trying to push under my bra, I could tell he was hungry for more as well. Self-control slipped away as the room became unbearably hot on that cold night.

“Fuck it!” I huffed.

Without another word our clothes fell to the ground and all hope for restraint went right out the window that Jake pressed me against. We didn’t even notice the police forces had arrived until we heard the gunshots from across the road. Holding each other close, we took a moment to observe the chaos and appreciate our victory. Several of Cyan’s cronies were being brought out in handcuffs and shoved into armoured vehicles while heavily armed agents went back into the building to finish subduing the rest. Turning back to each other, we continued. The sounds of mayhem only fuelled our lust more. With the chemicals now in my system, I lost all concept of reason. Thankfully our enemies were too busy dealing with each other to notice us in the third-floor window having sex during their struggle.

By the time we had finished and got ourselves dressed, the road was empty again. The only sign that anyone had been there were the den’s doors left wide open with smoke pillowing out. I stared in disbelief at how well our plan had worked out.

“Let’s go down and check it out,” Jake said suddenly.

I did a double take, “What? Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we should loot the place before they come back,” he smirked.

I shrugged, “Ok, let’s go.”

Jake packed up his laptop then led the way back downstairs to the ground floor. We exited out the back and snuck around to the front. Before crossing the road, we made sure no one was in sight, then ran to the other side. As we walked up to the open door, my heart raced. I half expected someone or something to jump out at us, but nothing happened. Jake took out his gun and held it at the ready as we entered the building. There were bullet holes along the walls, which seemed fresh, but I couldn’t tell if there were from tonight. Going further in, I spotted the sources of the smoke as there were a few used grenades scattered about.

Heading deeper into the building, we found a lounge room where the thugs hung out. Judging by the blood on the floor, at least two people were severely injured if not killed. Across the hall there was a kitchen area that was in absolute disarray, but it was hard to tell if that was how it normally looked. The round dining table there had the remnants of several people’s dinners. More blood was splattered on the floor. At the end of the hallway there was a large, open room with several chemistry stations set up. It didn’t take genius to work out this is where Cyan’s crew manufactured drugs. Jake checked the fridge and cabinets, but the SWAT team had cleaned out the space before they left, leaving almost nothing behind. Still Jake grabbed anything that looked somewhat useful. Walking around the room, I felt my foot kick something. To my surprise, I looked down and found a laptop. I picked it up waved it at Jake.

“Think you can do something with this?” I asked.

“Don’t know, but we can take it with and find out,” he smiled and shoved it into his backpack.

Having finished sweeping the building and feeling confident that it was indeed empty now, we went around taking whatever had the slightest use. I found a duffle bag and grabbed spare food and drinks, including some bottles of spirits. Jake checked some nooks and crannies for anything that was hidden. He did find some hidden stashes of cash so it wasn’t for naught.

After filling our bags with loot, we left and trekked back to our hideout under the light of the moon with a bounce in our step. As soon as we got back I took the food to the kitchen while Jake took the laptops upstairs. By the time I had finished unloading the food and drink, he was running several scans on the found laptop. With a bottle of peach schnapps from our spoils, I leaned against the desk across from him, where the rest of our loot had been emptied out.

“Well? How does it look?” I gestured to the computer before taking a sip from the bottle.

“It looks like you have your own laptop,” he said confidently.

“Nice! I hope it’s not crap,” I laughed.

“It’s a fairly good machine, actually, but that doesn’t surprise me. Cyan doesn’t like to skimp on his electronics,” he commented.

I picked up one of the stashes of cash and sniffed it, “I’d say we did fairly well.”

“We did,” he nodded.

Jake walked over to me while the computers were busy and took the cash out of my hand, placing it carefully back down on the desk beside me. Then he took the bottle and took a swig and handed it back to me. I took another sip and put the bottle down on the desk before wrapping my arms around Jake’s neck and pulling him close. Our mouths met in a heated kiss. His hands drifted down to my hips, gripping them tightly as he grinded against me. Moaning against his lips, it became clear that there was still a lot of sexual energy flowing through us. Without breaking away, I reached beside us and pushed everything off the desk, except for the alcohol, then I popped up onto the desk and pulled Jake close between my legs. Jake slipped his tongue into my mouth again and rubbed it against mine. It didn’t take much more before we were tearing each other’s clothes off again, continuing the night of passion.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jake #unrecognisable fanfic #tw: drugs #somewhat NSFW...#🤫

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notice-me-senpai-hell · 5 months

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I literally had this blog since I was a little kid and now I'm a grown adult. Honestly it hurts to look back at my writings because it shows that I was a chronically online kid with no sense of anything (social cues, social no-no's, and just copying cliches from anime at the time).

BUT cringe culture is dead and I can't blame the little 11 year old that was just having fun and didn't know better at times. Now as I'm much older, I'm falling back in my hobbies and joys I had when I was young but couldn't embrace before of school, peer pressure, and my own sense of shame. But I'm just human and I have grown so much and yet- I still enjoy the same things like before. Granted, I may cringe at the stuff I posted whether wishing I did better or didn't do at all. Like my tag name is still cool in my eyes even if I struggle to say it out loud to a stranger/friend irl without getting red.

I'm losing my point, but I just get shy talking about my interests since I never had the space before. But I'm in a better space than I was a decade ago. I want to respect past me and current me to give myself the space to have fun and bit a little cringe (affectionate).

I don't want to delete anything or private it (even when I think too hard and want to) since I had some people reach out about my writing on other platforms and you never know if you wrote something that someone enjoyed or likes to go back and laugh at (whether in a bad way or in a funny way). I was also part of other blogs that did stuff for many fandoms that I loved (for example, Gravity Falls, etc , and Notice Me Senpai - a game that I loved to this day and I'm so proud of the stuff I did there. I'm not ashamed of the fun I had even if my irl friends at the time were weird about it. If you played that game and read my Match-Ups on that group blog I was part of or anything I had here .. KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU!!! I adore everyone on that blog and in the fandom of that game!!!! that was so cool and I can't believe kid me had so much time to write. I'm so happy that was a big part of my experience here on tumblr before the game got shut down. Yes, I was a little weird kid, but at least that weird kid had a funnel to pour all their ideas that got rejected in science and theater class).

This is just a public statement on my blog that when you scroll past this you will see and witness a gradient of my childhood of a chronically online and acoustic kid that didn't know know what would be fun then would be the thorn in my side aka my internet footprint. It will start with the sparse posts before diving into piles and piles of stuff. Don't look at it if you are new. Just don't. But you could.

But fuck it, let's embrace it since when I'm even older then this - I may cringe at myself now. Hell, I'm an adult on the internet talking about Japanese and Chinese visual novel/RPGs games. But I want to give myself the space to have fun with my hobbies since I'm so drained from being an adult - I just want to be a person that can have fun and not think to hard about irl. I want to pour out all my AU's and headcanons that rattle in my head since that's the point of creativity if you don't spill it out.

This has just been in my mind in a hot minute and I wanted to put it out there not really for anyone to read but more like a public statement for myself to remind me that it's okay to have fun. If you have been following me for some years and now just seeing this- heyYyyyyyy. Thanks for everything and y'all feel free to DM here. I would love to see how my audience changed with the years and talked to people from the NMS fandom (since my blog was more directed to them)

Heads up, I'm going to start posting stuff again like writings and headcanons and I'm excited to feel this weight off my shoulders.

TLDR: I was a chronically online 11 year old with no sense of anything (social cues, social no-no's, and just copying cliches from anime at the time) but that's fine- everyone is cringe when there are in middle school. I won't delete or private anything because I don't want to take away anything that someone enjoyed. I'm grown and I'm giving past me and current me the space to have fun.

I love the NMS fandom and proud of that stuff (even if I don't read it). Reach out to me and know that this blog will get a makeover and be alive one again.

#lee speaks #writers on tumblr #notice me senpai #life update

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ssstrawberryflowers · 5 months

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i hope this isnt weird but the art of gabriel with scars genuinely made me so happy :] i also have scars and it genuinely made me so happy to see him, one of my biggest comfort characters ever, depicted with them, its a joy to see really,, also fuck yea hurt/comfort content!!!!! we love to see it!! (also dw abt being cringe, there will be people who will enjoy it either way !!)

ah!! glad these made you happy!!

and... thanks for the reminder, it's hard telling myself that when i've pretty much brainwashed myself into, well, what i am right now... i don't think i'd dare to call these hurt/comfort? that label seems rather grand somehow... like, do these actually fit?... hm...

well, if drawing and posting these makes some people happy then i guess it's all worth it... isn't it?

i'll keep my worries to myself, but, thank you for telling me this, hope you're doing alright :]

#hb talks #god it feels weird tagging these AGGHGGH

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determinate-negation · 1 year

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Sorry this is my last message to clarify just a couple things and then I’ll stop bothering you bc I think we’ve both asked our questions and made our points! I didn’t ask about the books that was someone else. Seems a little self important or condescending to assume so but I guess I shouldn’t assume that myself with how easy it would also be to simply get confused. I’m not crazy. And I’m not just trying to hate on u honestly u seem like a perfectly nice and fine person and seriously I’m not just saying that. I have agreed with a lot of what you’ve had to say I don’t think we’re on two different pages here. I think my main point of it all is more that so many leftists are wildly unacknowledging of the injustice and flippant cruelty of pretentious and pompous attitudes towards others. The consequences of that are significant. Those who are given the space to be a “dialectician” with a “psychoanalytic” approach have it as a very exclusive right. So maybe let’s not be so harsh on fellow queer people because they say or do things we think are “corny”. Reminds me of incessant infighting and it’s sad and frustrating. That’s what I mean by getting a grip. And I said we and collectively get a grip bc I think it’s something we’re all guilty of not only you personally! Sex for a lot of ppl especially queer people has been traumatizing. So if someone has been able to find love instead of trauma in their sexual practices, even if we think they are “cringy” for how they made that happen, why do we feel the need to shame them? Tell them how awful and repulsive it is? Is that not also somewhat awful and repulsive? So idk it’s not just a “let people enjoy things” type of thing but something more than that. Bc real working class or uneducated or poor people have “cringy/corny” or “unenlightened” opinions all the time. And that is okay, it’s unreasonable and out of touch to assume otherwise. But they will not be lectured shamed or intimidated into revolution! It just doesn’t work like that. Like as leftists we really do give the vibe sometimes that if we become the most enlightened informed best opinion haver ever we have reached our peak and others who haven’t done so are “corny”. We should screenshot the fellow wretched queer corny doers posts and make public complaints of shame and ridicule. This is so normal and good I love life!! Lmao so idk yeah I didn’t want you to think I sent the message about books too because that would be really weird if I did lol! Peace be with you and goodnight <3

“Seems a little self important or condescending to assume so but I guess I shouldn’t assume that myself with how easy it would also be to simply get confused.” come off anon and i wont confuse you for anyone, like i said you could message me if you actually want to talk. im sorry for how my post came off to you that you took it so personally. honestly were on entirely different pages. i literally dont even know what to say at this point this is insane i think youre extrapolating a lot. when you dont support the cringe working class for their tweets about bdsm…

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