#so i could check if the episode was out yet and then refreshing the page 5 times in a row when it wasnt

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Cucumber Day 5 Watching Con's Filmography

(I also listened to a short story he'd been in, scroll down a bit on my page and you'll find it. For everyone who watched this and needs a refresher only on Con, someone finally posted a compilation on youtube. If you haven't seen the series, you'll probably be lost. But I'm sure its a fun out of context watch)

Summary wrote after binging the entire series in one day.

Please, Please, Please go online and check every warning for this show. Not only for the graphic hate crime but see everything they warn about. Protect yourself. This review will discuss sexual topics, nudity, and substance abuse, and age gaps.

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So the show. I think it was fun, not the best tv show, and has some mixed messages, but a fun watch.

I grew up in a household/town where sex wasn't discussed. Especially queer shit. This show is very in-your-face about it and I admire the shit out of it. The friendships felt lived in. The experience of being a young queer 'hunted' by older queers was explored enough to not make Henry a complete hypocrite, sadly. But the focus was always more on Henry, even in the end, Henry still got off on the image of a 20 something during sex.

Fully noting, I did skip scenes. Some things were just a bit much for me, so I took the liberty to save peace and move on. Yet, the show does seem to balance heavy moments with joy and comedy. Hell, during a fucking funeral, some guys need to go check their dicks for hair. And you know what, I feel that if Lance were there, he wouldn't even be suprised.

I loved Freddy. Holy shit, at first, I was worried about how he'd be treated, but by the end, I was rooting for him. Obviously, the guy is just so used to being hunted for his body. This topic was brushed on with the teacher, and not really felt by the plot or the characters around him. I'm happy he felt like he could leave and just grow up as a person. I'm so happy they let the audience see a time jump where everyone turns up okay, and happy.

I'm not a queer man, but I know this shit can resonate. I've seen queer men online discuss these same points. Predatory age gaps, the pressure to be hot, aging, commitment, and communication issues in relationships...This isn't the best show for all that to be taken seriously but I'll leave that discussion to that community.

So Con's character, Cliff, was right about Henry in episode 1, and I fucking love when writers do this shit. "You always did that. Never had affairs, just obsessions." Cause in the context, yes, Henry never cheated. But he never has deep relationships; he has brief obsessions until things get too serious and he needs to move on. Hell, In episode 8, that's the conclusion Henry comes to himself. "Maybe one day I'll come to terms to it...being gay". Cause he wants intimacy but fears men and getting close to people. It's that closeness he struggles with.

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The things that bugged me about the series

The entire bit about the boys playing chicken for internet attention. Again, I know this is a thing. But now a days we legitimately have children doing this stuff unknowingly for people online. Or parents unknowingly showing their children on tik tok for millions of people. I know people who were groomed, and avoided it like crazy growing up as a kid online. I cringed every time this plot point was mentioned, feeling like a kid was a second away from getting hurt. It just felt a bit much to touch on for me in this type of show. Again, they tried to have their cake and eat it too by showing Harry get a slap on the wrist, but it just didn't feel like it justified the plot line being there in the first place. Seriously, what did it add to the story besides showing Henry that maybe he should go back home? He could have done so many other things. The only funny bit is when Cliff commented how fucking weird straight people are sometimes.

Cliff says in ep 1 he had a history of going after older men when he was young, and the age gap is boggeling. Again, this could mean he only had a crush on him. But if we're going to bring up how wierd it was, then why is this and the teacher sub plot where minors brought up the only time its mentioned. Like yeah, the teacher-student situation was fucked up. How about the 30 and 40-year-olds going after people in their early 20s. "I'm horrified to discover I have standards." Fun line Cliff, yeah. But they are literally minors. Age gaps and taking advantage of younger queers is a real issue in the queer community. There should 100% be a place to talk about it. But when every 'likable' character does it without issue, then it's still a problem. Hell, this is why Freddy's plot felt so out of left field in ep 8 with Cliff and him fucking before running off. I don't know why he did it, knowing that Cliff wanted him for his body? Or maybe he just wanted comfort after that argument and knew he'd get it by having sex? I genuinely want to know other interpretations. If Freddy felt like this, it would have been more satisfying for Henry to learn his lesson and not use 20-year-old Freddy as wank material for the next 6/7 years. Also, Freddy running away from Cliff with his pants down was just funny.

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Now, wash most of that out of your head!

The fun part that we have all been waiting for-

TALKING ABOUT CLIFF COSTELLO

(Yes, Cliff is kind of a douche early on. Enjoying eyeing Freddy and praising Henry for leaving his boyfriend for a 'young boy toy'. But, as the series goes, it dies down. Cliff, pre-episode 6 was a fun jackass. Post-ep 6 is one of the best characters in the show and the best friend you could ask for.)

I have seen most gifs online for this character. The soft outfits, smoking, suits, smiling. And fucking YET. The three scenes to me that make me love this character are-

"And obviously, I could take a statement. Have a briefcase with me, files and a pen. Because solicitors get searched entering a prison just like everyone else, but I'd still have a pen. Because a pen is all I'd need, really. I think it would take me a second to lean across and insert the pen through his throat. Right here. At the base. Straight through to the spine. (I could do that.) He'd bleed out in seconds. Dead. So... that's what I'll do. With your permission." I need Izzy to do this speech. Please god. In all your infinite wisdom. In this moment, I 100% felt that this lawyer would murder the murderer of his friend in sheer rage with a fucking pen.

Cliff pulling up(no crutches *curtsies with a smile*) to save Henry's ass from saying something stupid to the cops after their place gets ransacked. Stepping in and ensuring Freddy doesn't assault someone in front of cops.

"I look forward to the tribunal because the law is magnificent in this regard. It's not up to us to prove homophobia, it's up to you to prove homophobia does not exist. Best of luck. Thank you." AHHHHHHHH Smarmy, confident, smiling Con, I love it. Maybe the hottest thing Cliff does in this series, the outfit, the glaring before hand, the confidence, and AHHH.

His stand-out moments are when he's being a loyal, caring motherfucker. Trust me, after days of seeing a sad, depressed, miserable Con, seeing him thirsting after men was fun. Seeing him make dick jokes and act like an 'Elder Gay' that protected his own did heal my soul. But there was just a fucking genuine happiness he brought to the role.

I love that, even though he's a character Henry can rely on, Henry would never stay at his flat. (Obviously, cause then the plot wouldn't happen, but I like to think they know they'd both bring out the worst in each other).

Henry uses him for his knowledge of the law when doing cagey shit. It's great. Like getting his job back or doing the whole weird shit mentioned above for extra money. Seeing Cliff doing his best to stay semi-professional and not visibly judge the shit out of Henry for essentially being a soft core pimp is so fucking funny. Also, his 'that's our song' speech, where he goes on about how people steal underground culture, was fun.

The funeral made me respect Cliff, as he knew how to handle the situation. Keeping the situation safe enough in public so that Henry could have his own time to break down.

When Cliff didn't push, let Henry grieve on his own time, it was beautiful. Many of us would have immediately pushed that boundary. Trying to let ourselves feel better by stopping someone else from having destructive emotions. But Cliff knows better. Hell, when Henry is crying we see Cliff tearing up. Showing that Cliff knows to just step back tells us so much about how these two men care for each other.

Now a tiny praise corner about writing an Elder Gay lawyer character-

The sheer joy in Cliff knowing he could use the 'law' to protect queer people. Both for Lance and for getting Henry his job back. If Cliff is as old as Con, he'd have been a lawyer starting in the 1990's. He would have in practice during queer legalization post-thatcher in the UK. There's a good reason he seemed to be the happiest when they got home after getting his job back. He would have been taught Section 28 as a queer man.

'The fight for sexual equality however, was far from over. Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988, introduced by the Conservative Government under Margaret Thatcher, banned local authorities from ‘promoting homosexuality’ or ‘pretended family relationships’, and prohibited councils from funding educational materials and projects perceived to 'promote homosexuality'. The legislation prevented the discussion of LGBT issues and stopped pupils getting the support they needed. Section 28 was repealed in 2003, and Prime Minister David Cameron apologised for the legislation in 2009.'

He went from learning about all that shit as a young lawyer(who fucking survived the AIDS crisis), plus worse, to using ANTI DISCRIMINATION LAW for LGBTQ people! (kinda) So yeah. There's a very good fucking reason why that scene made me pause and stim for the fucking life of me. He was the happiest one when they came home, belting and smiling! So much has changed over his life and AHHH-

(This just hurts knowing this defence is all still legal where I live. And rights are being stripped every day... But hope still exists...yatta yatta.)

The friendship between Cliff and Henry feel so lived in. Burrowed and nestled. Clearly, Cliff has his own sad law show going on in the background and Henry is where he can let his (glorious) hair down.

I think it's funny as shit that when Henry panics and tries to find someone in mind to keep him in the moment sometimes he accidentally imagines Cliff. In a 'I've heard way to much about my friends sex lives so I think I know what it looks like' kind of way.

I also think it's funny that in the two times we see him in time jump to the future (At the table toasting Freddy and in Bed) Cliff is still not entirely gray after 6-7 years (obviously, they didn't think/want to age him up or do makeup just for a gag). However, Icon behavior.

His outfits? I would wear most of them. He is gender and life envy. Again, I think Cliff could have been a character to show how happy some people are without relationships. We get this vibe from him with the whole 'you're not tied down' speech, and I wish that was a concept explored more on TV.

He's the least depressed lawyer character I have seen on TV. If I could be a Cliff Costello type, I would go into law.

I think a good mix of the best parts of Cliff Costello and all of Val Pearson is who I want to be as an 'elder'(again, I turn 21 in January). Confident, loyal, willing to stick up for others, funny as shit. Maybe has a more stable love life than them, and hopefully not any substance addictions, but god. They just have so much joy when you know these characters had to have lived through such shitty times for queer people.

At first, I did this just to explore Con's work. But I think this has all helped me feel some hope for the future. What people need is support and love and a place to exist.

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Overall ratings

Cinematography: 7/10. Fun edits. Fun motifs. Loved the opening, and the sound effects to suggest certain things to the audience was fun.

Story: 6/10. Would be higher but some shit just got stuck in my craw. Again, the show just got better and better as it went and by the end I just felt satisfied. Would be an 8 ish if not for my issues mentioned above.

Characters besides Con: 7/10. Everyone plays really fun parts. Everyone is shitty in their own unique way, and for the most part, they get what they deserve. Even if they haven't really learned their lesson yet (Henry, I swear to god you are on a wire). Satisfying arcs for everyone besides Henry, but that's the point. I'm happy the Collective wheedled out into a more realistic ending where these people could go on and live happy lives and not coddle the man.

Con: 8/10. He is so much fun, and he is having so much fun. I wish he was in it longer, but in every scene, he is in, he eats it up. He goes from serious lawyer to best friend in a flash and it just makes me so happy. Cliff is up there with my favorite performances, some of his actions just kill the vibe a bit for me. Again. Any series where Con smiles is a win. Also, I love that he bodied a character who uses movement aids, and it just made me more excited to see what he'd do with Izzy for S2.

OVERALL: 6-7/10.

Not an easy recommend but could be a fun rewatch when I start losing somd hope about our community, while trying to see the real issues that exist to this day...or see more people online criticize queer people for wanting to have sex.

I would love to know your opinions about Cliff, thoughts about my thoughts, and more below! Have a Lovely day/night, everyone!

Next on the docket: Kisses in the Dark. An 8 ish hour audiobook on Spotify! Seems to be a supernatural horror Staring Con O'Neill and Rhiannon Clements(hopefully not a romance, since, with the person I googled, the age gap is 28 years. It's a bit different with voice acting...but now that I know? eh). I will be listening to that on Saturday (the 17th), and will have my thoughts on that here soon. I've been warned it was recorded during the pandemic at homes. So if you want to join in, prepare yourself for that.

As always, some of you lovelies who suggested/commented on my last few posts! Thank you so much!

@ivegotnonameidea

@treesofgreen

#Cucumber BBC #con o'neill #con oniell #cliff costello #Cliff Costello #How long can I talk about a character with less than 40 minutes of screen time #BBC Cucumber #Long enough to establish that most of these characters form a conglomerate of what I want in life...so #Con's Conography

[cornus27florida]

CPC WIKI NEWS (reality check, basically)

We're the cpc wiki editors all over the place that gathered in CPC wiki server has things to pointing out I guess

First about naming conventions for images, I am still not sure how... but if relating to Frederick, I think we could find some ways... My idea of delegations based on likability is sound fire suggestions ^^ it's slow job but now not impossible to do! Also I am honestly in lose about naming as it's politic xD

I always hate politic stuff, I prefer to be biologist nerdy :3

I am very happy for the return of Peri, which gives light at the tunnel that we won't doomed for the Daily Pass! @cpcwiki

Hey, sorry I fell off the face of the earth for a few months… Life got busy and unfortunately some stuff happened that’s left me unable to really edit anymore, completely wrecking my plans of expanding more pages. I do wanna say, I know there’s been some concern about screenshooting Daily Pass being illegal? I wouldn’t be too worried about that. I think it’s more of a gray area thing, AFAIK it says that if you screenshot any episode in the app, even non-daily pass, and I’ve seen wikis for Daily Pass series that have uploaded screenshots post-series ending and they haven’t gotten in trouble. -> it's more about once series in DP, for most case of people (like me who using android phone, or accessing CPC on website as eben thou my PC is MAC...) - they can't screen shooting any panels of CPC webtoon anymore

DP does not prevent screenshotting -> for Apple only, likely

In the worst scenario as CPC truly goes DP and we can't do these impossible tasks.. At least people with iphone could still screenshooting CPC panels that necessary for wiki stuffs

So in nutshell, this gives some breathes for CPC wiki staffs to not obsessed with reaching the impossible task of images

Major character page editing espc about relationships basically the whole Plaids, then Pastel - thus the CPC

Leland is the hardest because he shrouded with the mystery and even the recent FP ep still not make sense of things - it seems if the CPC decide to make prequel story, I am gonna to hope it's Leland (fans in the past like it to be Aurelia, but she essentially a minor villain-turned to be supporter midway which her story likely only about her blood father and how exactly she got cursed) - that's not many engaging story for prequel unlike Leland - despite all the flashbacks so far and his interactions with everyone possible, he still shrouded with mystery. Yes, me and many others like @the-giggling-guava makes so many HC about Leland backstory but at the end it is just fanon theories that could be debunked ig

Close to the series finale, refreshment and transformation!

In the way of changing image and article preview there

Frederick

There's so many quotes in Frederick's page - but this one imho fitting the most as depicting him to be "the narrator"

"Just a few months ago, I would have never wished to encounter any cursed people outside of a story book. And when I did, I thought they were monsters at first. To be fair, they were attacking me... And yet here I am now... really happy to get to be their friends... I don't think any of that would have ever happened if I hadn't met Gwen..."

Prince Frederick of the Plaid Kingdom, also known as many aliases including called as "Sunflower" by his bullies, is the third prince of the Plaid Kingdom which formally engaged with the third princess of Pastel Kingdom - Gwendolyn. Initially against the idea of getting marrying with Gwendolyn because he both disappointed (as he mistaken Gwen with Jamie from the portrait, thoughts Gwen as haunted spirit instead) and scared (his first thought over Gwen is thinking her as a witch that will poisoned him with apple pie that she bakes after meeting with the real witch that poisoning Jamie) - to the point screaming in frustation to his oldest brother about his thought that Gwen is ugly. Gwen that overhears him feels so hurt and then running to the haunted forest which lets her to meet the CPC, the cursed royals that later on as the story progress - helps both Gwen and Frederick to healing from their trauma as living in their extreme abnormal family while having romantic relationship together.

this, I've shown in bare how flawed Frederick is - but he just human. I dislike anyone that can't understand that his mistake in the past which depicting clearly of his 'shallow' judgemental ice-cold Plaid Prince is just a mask. The mask that everyone in the CPC actually have, not only Blaine. Even sweet Gwen, the cinnamonroll sweet protagonist in her wrong take of selfishness - she hopes that she can skip to her happily-ever-after without the pain of hurt... When in reality, there's always gonna be "earn your happy ending". To anyone that wondering about what's CPC actual message is.. the means actually not simple notion of "Self-Love" - is always about the mask, our 2 faces

This page trivia literally the thing that make me fighting for the nail of preventing any character bashings in the fandom while stopping the infantilized of any characters espc the princesses... Everyone has flaws, mistakes, sins, shameful dark pasts or embarassed current self (like getting cursed) - but none depicted the character fullfily, it's more than that

this the hard job for us wiki editor, to put everything as objectively as possible - but I know I could manage! I just need more knowledges about things and understandings

I'm ceritified CPC deranged with no one yet breaking my record of rereading CPC... as rereading is so fun, on certain episode or scenes that we see again from another's person perspective.. we could get understandings of things. Nice example is Prez' backstory of getting cursed VS Whitney's backstory of nearly killed by someone that he accidentally cursed and meeting 'healer' like people which transform him

The Closing, new image for "featured image" - Whitney!

there's so many contrasting groups of the CPC fandom regarding Whitney which in nutshell : I am simping for Whitney so hard as he's so hot which also I want him to be happy so please LambCat make WhitPelnia canon so this make ZuTara ship-like to be canon in the story VS are you guys are blind? He's literally the person that cursing Prez which makes her miserable to transformed as werespider every month.. Prez never entitled to returning his feeling after all, and Prez clearly never wants romance w anyone

Both of the 2 groups are valid tbh, in extreme 'ship wars' of wanting Prez with Whitney VS Prez as a true single girlboss

^^ but no matter what, let's love Whitney as a character and a justiable hunk to be simping as that image for feature? Dang so hot as he embracing his curse of tiger stripes (followed with tiger hoodie) while putting one of his leg in bossy pose. Whitney is so fine and as he's truly redeemed - anyone that simping him won't be part of hypocrite dual standards that put "still in villainy role era but put on pedestal" + "infantilized the main characters and believe they won't do any wrongs"

IMHO in the engaging retelling of Fairy Tales as CPC is... Whitney, the ultimate villain in his story at the past that didn't care of anyone as long as he could get what he wants... Also ultimate perfect example of the heel-to-face turn (is a group of trope, as Leland the secret fairy tale lover know tropes) as from villain role in the past he becomes the good guys allies - the main supporter for the hero wannabe role, Frederick. In the awkwardness of him, he's the catalyst for Frederick to transform to be a better person (that he knows he can, but just not sure how) - in the name of him getting healed from his past trauma(s) that solidified as his inner child, make self-questioning about himself espc his relationships with his brothers, and the most important one to realizes that he likes Gwen - as it's become the rationale depiction of the strongest power in the fairy tales stories.. the power of love

All of that just from one meditation session from Whitney! Although like Whitney say, it's need to be repeated ahahah.

I like to expand CPC wiki pages by taking deeper about physchology, as boy it's giving birth of so many things! Plaid Royals Family dynamic for example, is easily an example of abused family that could happen to anyone and anywhere - but most didn't notice, espc the victims

There's so many great quotes in the CPC but imho Whitney's quote to Frederick, my fave ever quote in the series.. Is basically telling the life message for everyone.

"Pain is not a competition. The painful emotions you feel are valid, Frederick. But you do get to choose when you’re ready to heal from them and change your story."

literally just ep 145 of Frederick's monologue...

"...I wasn't the hero at all. I was the one responsible for all for all of her sadness... ...and all of her pain ...But now, it seems like I've been on the wrong side the entire time. --Except I can't really say that either, ...because even they didn't want me!!" When will I stop deluding myself with these stories... I'm not a hero or a villain. I'm nothing but a loser. Just like Blaine said."

"If I just sit here... ...that means I don't get to see her again. And I don't want that!!"

"I get to choose my story! And in my story, I AM the hero, and I'm gonna pull myself out and reach Gwen!!"

this such a strong (shounen) protagonist moment from Frederick, which make me thinking that CPC delivered as shounen manga which making him as the protagonist (MC, ML) with Gwen as his destined love interest (FC).. nothing change from the overall story? It's also checking out itself as anti-mainstream shounen by making following things:

debunked protagonist trope to be an orphan, and gives interesting plot twist that the main bad guy is his father all along with his mother is the red herring villain

make the love interest role to be more powerful as to not make her just standing there awaiting for the protagonist to come - but her mere existence is the motivator for MC

..etc xD

#cpc frederick #cursed princess club #cpc wiki #cpc wiki news #ahahaha I am nerd

[supersonic-womanofyou]

My first attempt at an interview fic! Read this on Ao3, or under the cut. 

Spotlight on Eric Bittle

 Interview by Elizabeth Chu

Photographs by Jack Zimmermann

  The internet personality, author, and baker talks about his childhood, his relationship with Providence Falconers captain Jack Zimmermann, being a LGBTQ role model, why he struggled with his overnight success, and his upcoming cookbook.

 I meet Eric Bittle in person for the first time on a Saturday afternoon, in a trendy coffee shop in downtown Providence. Even though I’ve heard of it in passing, I’ve never been inside. Eric obviously has, since when I approach the table where he’s chosen to sit, Eric is already chatting familiarly with one of the waitresses. 

 But after a couple minutes talking to Eric, I mentally revisit that assumption. Eric Bittle has a way of putting people at ease, of making even the most distant strangers feel like long-lost friends-- through his warm personality, but also through his seemingly-never ending supply of homemade baked goods. By the time I sit down across from him, I’m already in possession of a whole pie and two jars of jam. 

 Most of the celebrities I’ve met have on screen personalities that are vastly different in person, but the Eric Bittle I meet that Saturday could have been pulled directly out of his Netflix series or one of the episodes from his vastly popular vlog. He’s perennially bright and cheery, with a Southern drawl that’s been blunted by years in New England, but is still very present. When I mention it, Eric laughs. “I used to hate my accent, but I think it’s become as part of my brand as pies are. I’d probably lose all of my followers if I started talking like a Yankee,” he jokes.

 The source of Bittle’s accent is his hometown-- Madison, Georgia, a town of barely four thousand people. When I ask what drove him to move up north, he gestures to himself as a whole. “Not too many opportunities for a baking, skating, Beyonce-loving gay boy in Morgan County.” He turns more serious, though, when he continues: “I was bullied a lot as a child. When I think back to my childhood, to living in Georgia-- for people who looked or acted different, it could be suffocating. I remember feeling like my future was just so starkly outlined for me-- going to a state school, settling down with a nice girl, spending the rest of my life just pretending. It sounds like overdramatic teenage angst now, I know, but I always knew if I wanted to live honestly, I needed to get out.” 

 And so Eric applied-- and was accepted to--Samwell University in Massachusetts, which touts itself as one of the most LGBTQ friendly schools in America, under the motto “one in four, maybe more.” According to Eric, it’s where he began to come to terms with himself and his identity, where he finally said the words “I’m gay” out loud, where he continued to bake and vlog and began to think seriously about a career in both, and where, perhaps most famously, he met his now-husband, Providence Falconers captain Jack Zimmermann. 

 “We both played on the hockey team, but we weren’t exactly friends at first,” Bittle says about his relationship with Zimmermann.

 So, of course, I have to ask him-- what is it like, being a baker married to a hockey player? Eric and his husband seem like almost comical counterpoints in every aspect of their careers and personalities. Eric makes his living through baking and cooking, Jack plays in the notoriously-macho NHL. Eric has built a brand and a food empire off of cheeriness and Southern hospitality, Jack has a reputation of being a “hockey robot,” with his cold, generally disagreeable demeanor during interviews.

 “Well, with it all laid out like that, it really does sound like we’re night and day,” Eric laughs. “But honestly? We just work. We both love skating-- that’s what we bonded over in college, actually. We also both technically majored in history, even though we have very different specialities and did so for pretty different reasons. But even our differences are compatible. Like, I love talking, he doesn’t, so we’re never talking over each other or silent. Also, pro hockey players have to eat an insane number of calories, so Jack’s always there to eat my cooking, and that’s really all I can ask for.”

 Eric and Jack, who played on a line together briefly at Samwell, took the sports world by storm seven years ago when they kissed on the ice after the Falconers won the Stanley Cup, making Jack the first openly LGBTQ player in the NHL. The pair broke yet another barrier for LGBTQ people in hockey soon after, when Eric became the first openly gay NCAA Division I hockey captain. 

 When I ask Eric if he ever thought about following in his partner’s footsteps and pursuing a career in professional hockey, he just laughs. “Oh, definitely not. I love being on the ice, but I don’t think I would have made it very far in the NHL or AHL.”

 His fame may have started out in the (relatively niche) world of professional hockey, but since graduating from Samwell, Eric has found incredible success beyond the legacy of that historic kiss. His first book, published five years ago, spent several weeks on the New York Times Food and Diet bestseller list, and was applauded as a fresh, vibrant take on Southern cuisine and desserts.  Check, Please  reads as seventy percent cookbook, thirty percent memoir, with every page infused with Bittle’s indomitable, ubiquitous personality. His vlog, which he started in high school and has updated continuously ever since, has millions of subscribers, who tune in every week to hear Bittle talk about everything from pies and cookies to relationships and family. Finally, and perhaps most famously, Bittle hosted his own Netflix series last year, applauded as a combination of Marie Kondo and Queer Eye, in which he taught baking with his usual brand of positivity and universal appeal, interspersed with feel-good moments and life lessons.

 It strikes me that while Bittle’s career may have been jump-started by his relationship with Jack Zimmermann, he’s certainly managed to make a name for himself in the years since. To the hockey world, he may still be an afterthought to Jack Zimmermann, but to the baking world (and a good portion of Netflix’s viewership), the name Jack Zimmermann is an afterthought to that of Eric Bittle. 

 “Jack definitely gets a kick out of it when we’re in public together and I get recognized, and he doesn’t,” Eric says. “It’s kind of crazy, actually-- I definitely couldn’t have imagined all this ten years ago, back in college or in high school.”

 And what did Eric imagine himself doing? “To be honest, I don’t think I had any idea. When I decided to go to Samwell, I didn’t even have a major in mind or anything. I just wanted to get out of Georgia. And at Samwell-- I mean, I majored in American History, of all things. Talk about a useless degree! I literally just chose the major that let me take the most baking or baking-adjacent classes.” He pauses, and laughs. “It drives Jack crazy, actually-- I never have a plan for anything, really, big or small. I’m the kind of person who just crosses my fingers and hope it all shakes out for the best.”

 His husband’s opinion aside, this tactic seems to have worked out pretty well for Eric. His next, eagerly anticipated cookbook, which follows much in the vein of his Netflix show, is due to come out in two months this August. “It’s going to be focused on easy, cheap cooking and baking that’s still healthy and fulfilling. I think there’s a mindset that to make tasty, healthy food you need to have expensive ingredients and tools, or a lot of time on your hands, or have a lot of experience. But like-- I made food for an entire hockey team in a frat house on a college student’s allowance for four years, so I know something about cooking healthy on a budget,” he jokes. “I really just want to make good, healthy food accessible for everyone.”

 Well, he’s managed to do that, and more. Eric Bittle’s career so far has certainly been a whirlwind. He’s gone from publishing his first cookbook to hosting his own show in what’s only been a matter of years.

 “I do have to pinch myself sometimes, “ Eric says about his dizzyingly quick ascent to fame. “Like, Carrie Underwood tagged me in a tweet about hockey husbands the other day. Carrie Underwood!” The disbelief is clear in his voice. “I mean, Jack’s always been the bigger fan of country music, but the Georgia boy in me had to lie down for a moment when I saw the notification. So I think-- I still can’t really believe all of it, you know? It feels like yesterday I was still about to graduate college, with barely any plan and procrastinating on my thesis. And I guess sometimes-- sometimes I do feel a bit guilty, you know? Like-- there’s so many people fighting for this, fighting for what I’ve got-- getting books published, getting a show, everything else. I definitely had a leg up in name recognition because of Jack and hockey, and even when Jack and weren’t married yet, I never had to worry about having a roof over my head if the vlog wasn’t bringing in enough money or the cookbook wasn’t selling well enough.” He pauses, pensive, and it’s not the first time in this conversation that I mentally reassess my first assumptions about Eric Bittle. Behind the nationally famous smile and welcoming accent is a thoughtful young man still grappling with becoming a public figure and a role model, with a sprinkling of imposter syndrome, who doesn’t understand exactly what millions of people across the country see in him. 

 But perhaps that as well is an unfair assessment. It’s clear that Eric has a refreshing genuiness that few public figures possess, and that this is part of what has managed to speak to so many people from all backgrounds. That on some level, his modesty about his own fame is part of what constitutes his appeal. 

 When I mention this, Eric flushes a bright shade of pink. “Oh, aren’t you a flatterer. Well, I suppose so.”

 So after this cookbook, what’s next? Is fatherhood on the horizon? 

 “I did mention that I never have a plan, didn’t I?” he quips. But he does confide that he and Jack have been talking about having a family. “We’ve always wanted kids, but there’s always been something going on. Jack’s job and being on roadies all the time, me trying to get my career started. We don’t want our kids to be raised by babysitters and nannies, you know? We want to be there for them, so while it’s definitely something we’re considering, we’re trying to balance timing. But it has been a couple years, so.” He blushes. “We’re revisiting the idea.”

 “But other than that-- I have been approached about the possibility of some other projects and shows in the future, but I probably can’t talk about those,” he says. “And though it’s always been a dream of mine to own a bakery, that would be a pretty huge commitment. So I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m not really sure exactly what comes next.” Nevertheless, he grins, as if to say,  and isn’t that exciting ?

 Fatherhood or his own bakery-- I’m sure that no matter what comes next for Eric Bittle, he’ll forge ahead with his characteristic positivity and Southern grace, with plenty of baked goods along the way. *

#omgcp #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #interview #multimedia fic #art #magazine #fic #omgcp fic #zimbits #pov outsider #omgcheckplease

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

Jan/Feb 2021 Picks

HELLO! It’s been a while, but I’M BACK!! Life has gotten a lot busier as I started Grad School this January. So, I feel it may be tough being on time with future Monthly Wraps like I’ve done in the past with working on my MFA, and my job. I’m going to probably do more seasonal wrap ups when I get the time. I also think I’ll be posting more individual posts as I watch an episode. Because even with a busier schedule, there is always time for TV and there’s so much I want to talk about!

You know the drill. Spoilers are coming.....

You’ve been warned :)

WANDAVISION

I want to start off by mentioning that I have not watched this week’s episode yet. So the last one I saw was EPISODE  6 with Halloween in the late 90s/early 2000s.

THIS SHOW! OMG.

I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I watched the first episode and I have been blown away. It is such a cool concept and I love the fact that everyone who watches it is confused. There have been so many interesting theories out there and I am so curious what is going to wind up being true. I love all the nods to old sitcoms and TV shows as well as all the MCU Easter Eggs. (I mean they got X-men’s Quicksilver-like WOW.) It feels really Black Mirror at times with the breaking of the fourth wall. I will never be able to shake the feeling I got in Episode 3, when Vision reversed. (And then I saw a bunch of videos with him looking at the camera as Wanda looks at the TV. Eww I don’t like it, but it’s such a good move on their point.) I love the outside plot as well and the characters who were previously side characters in other MARVEL movies. The love for Jimmy Woo is astounding and I’m here for it. I’m glad it’s Friday, so I can watch the next episode. I’m just upset that we’re so close to the show ending. The next Disney Plus Marvel shows better be just as good. Wandavision set the bar high.  

NANCY DREW

If you’ve visited this page recently, you know I have a very strong love for this show. It is the only one I am still watching religiously on the CW and I am tuning in the night it airs. (That is HUGE for me.) IT IS JUST SO GOOD AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START....

2x05 just aired, which would have been the season 1 finale before COVID and I have it saved on my DVR to watch again. There’s just so much I want to relive and catch that I missed the first watch through. It would have been SUCH A GOOD FINALE, but I’m happy that we can continue with new episodes starting next week. And with the way it ended...there’s so much I need to know!! I’m just curious how fast they’re going to develop certain plots. I love the Drew Crew and how they are a family. Each character is so well developed and their chemistry is great. I love learning more about each of them and watching them develop. My favorite character is definitely Ace. I love all his witty lines and how he is opening up more to the group as well as to us, the audience, as we get more of a look into his personal life. I enjoy all of his scenes with his dad and specifically liked when they were celebrating Shabbat. (I am also here for the Nancy and Ace content. I gush more about this on my other blog: lydia-whogowith-stiles. Check it out if you want to hear more.)

THE WATCH

When I watched the Christmas special (or was it New Years? and why does that feel so long ago) of Doctor Who, BBC America kept advertising a new show called the Watch. Due to the extensive amount of commercials, I decided to tape the first two episodes (which premiered back to back) to see what it was all about. I was unaware that this series is based on the book series created by Terry Pratchett. When I came to see if people were talking about it on Tumblr, I saw that a lot of people didn’t like it because of how drastically different it was. As I was unfamiliar with the original, I can’t compare. The TV show was eight episodes and I just watched the last one that aired this past Sunday. I definitely liked the first half of the season more (I noticed my mind start to drift as I watched later ones), but thought the finale was good. I really enjoyed how they incorporated the theme song. I didn’t realize the connection earlier and now can’t stop humming it. (I don’t know if there will be another season or not.) I enjoyed the characters and how it was like nothing I’ve seen on TV before. It got me thinking a lot about blending genres. I would still recommend checking it out.  

ZOEY’S EXTRORDINARY PLAYLIST

I was VERY excited for this show to come back. I loved the first season so much. It’s just such a heartfelt show and it helped me survive the early parts of quarantine. So far, this season I am noticing how detailed the musical performances are. Mandy Moore is doing an AMAZING job. The choreography is *chefs kiss* I also feel like the song choices have been great and not always the ones I think that would be picked. We are getting to learn more about each character and watch Zoey and her family as they continue life after losing Mitch. I am here for Mo and Max’s restaurant. I think the concept would be so cool in real life. Who knows maybe we’ll see one now. (Max’s rendition of ‘Numb’ was amazing. I’ve never heard the song like that and I think it might be one of my favorites of the season so far.) I hope Max and Zoey get back together by the end of the season. It did feel fast, so I do understand why they had to break up, but it still makes me sad that we watched them get together and then it was taken away from us. The last episode before the break was so powerful and I think the show did an amazing job applying real world issues into their plot. It did not feel forced at all and brought so much awareness. Upset we have to wait so long for a new episode. 

SECRETS OF SULPHUR SPRINGS

Are you looking for a good mystery, but don’t think Disney Channel can provide it? Think again. I have to say, when I started watching I was not expecting this show to be a part of my monthly picks. It pleasantly surprised me. The show involves the mystery of a young girl, Savannah, who went mysteriously missing at camp back in the 90s. Apparently, her ghost still haunts the hotel that was on the camp grounds to this day. Then Griffin and his family buy the hotel with intent of fixing it up and reopening it after all these years. The people in the town think they’re crazy because of its past. But there’s something more going on with Griffin’s dad as well as some of the other adults in the town. They know something about Savannah’s disappearance, but aren’t saying anything about it. While this is a kid’s show (and only half hour episodes) it has been interesting to see where the story will go. I’m sure I am imagining much more intense things for her disappearance than what actually happened. It’s also not super cheesy or have bad acting, which is refreshing. (I really feel Disney Channel has gone down.) Either way, I don’t know how many episodes are left to air, but I think we’re pretty close to the end. If you’re looking for a quick, entertaining mystery I would highly recommend.  

MISS SCARLET AND THE DUKE

And here come my period pieces (ironically both from Masterpiece/PBS this time). I know last year I felt like I watched a lot of historical watches at the beginning of the year. We’ll see if that continues to happen this year too. It does serve as a nice escape. Plus, these are some really good stories. 

Miss Scarlet and the Duke is a part of Masterpiece Mystery on PBS, although it aired on a different network in the UK. It is (another) mystery series (shocking I know with that title!) It follows Eliza Scarlet who has a nose for mystery, but as a woman living in the Victorian era does not have any rights except for being a wife and mother (two things she would rather not be). When her father dies (apparently from a heart attack...emphasis on apparently), she takes over his Private Investigator business. Much to the dismay of long time family friend William “The Duke” who is a Detective Inspector for Scotland Yard. Eliza is often in his office as she gets arrested for being places she shouldn’t or trying to get information out of him. This element of Eliza having to work in a very male dominated Victorian society is one that I feel I haven’t really seen on a TV show. I really like her dynamic with William. There’s always that feeling of “will they won’t they,” but I don’t feel the show just focuses on that. The mystery is the heart of it all. This last week’s episode was REALLY GOOD. As we got to find out more regarding her father’s death. I hear a lot of people want a season 2 and I am right there with them. This show deserves it. 

ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL

Another PBS Masterpiece watch. I love this show, so much more than I was anticipating. It is so heartfelt and makes me so happy and in a good mood after watching it. It follows James Herriot who has recently graduated from veterinary school, but is struggling finding a job. Then he gets a call from Siegfried Farnon’s veterinary practice in Yorkshire. Siegfried is known for having a harsh demeanor and temper, so the assistants he hires don’t often last long. Spoiler alert, that should be pretty obvious, James does. The cast of characters are so lovely and I like all their relationships with one another. The show takes places in the 1930s and I realized I don’t often watch things in this era, so that has been fun to explore. The sets and locations are BEAUTIFUL. In the episodes, we often get these amazing shots that sweep over the exterior and I want to travel to Yorkshire like tomorrow. (See more escapism, it’s great.) The main plot follows everyone interact in the town and watching James become a more confident and experienced veterinarian (which I decided I could never do after watching). I heard that it has been renewed for a second season so that is so fantastic. 

FATE: THE WINX SAGA

The first things I heard about this show was how disappointed everyone was in how they decided to adapt the Winx Club show from their childhood. On this I can agree, but I decided to watch the show anyway. I pretended that it was something new entirely and I have to say I enjoyed it. Of course, there were parts that bothered me and then I had to remember it was a teen show, so angst would be annoying. I think overall it was too short (and should have at least 8 or 10 episodes), but I’m happy that they were able to conclude the main plot well. (Although we did get that cliffhanger, but it is exciting that it was released the show just got renewed for a second season the other day.) I really liked Silva-mainly because it was great seeing Thomas from Downton Abbey in something else. I also enjoyed seeing Jacob Duchman in more things. It was a surprise to see him in Medici and I am just happy he is adding more to his IMDB. 

Quick and addicting watch. Add it to your queue. Just forget it’s supposed to be based on something else. 

BLOWN AWAY SEASON 2

Continuing with the Netflix picks, one of my FAVORITE picks from 2020 got a season 2 and it is already on Netflix! That’s right Blown Away season 2 is now available. I seriously loved the first season of this show SO MUCH! Glass blowing is such a magical process and I am mesmerized every time I watch it. It felt weird starting this show with all new contestants, but then Alex came back as a guest judge and I was so happy. It is just as addicting and I cannot wait to see who wins this season. I am just trying not to rush the episodes. 

VIOLETTA SEASON 3 UPDATE

I know you were all dying to know...

After taking a hiatus from watching during the holidays, I have gotten back into watching the Disney Channel telenovela on Disney Plus. I am now on episode 68. Things are really starting to happen and I am finding myself getting sucked in again, which makes me happy. Episode 60 (pictured above) had A LOT happen and really was a turning point for the second half of the show. Can’t wait to keep watching. Some really awesome songs from these last set of episodes. 

AND NOW FOR MY NOT LOVING IT PICK:

LEGACIES

This third season has really disappointed me so far. As I’ve previously discussed on this page, it feels like they are just reusing previous plots from the last two seasons when there is so much more they can do. There was so much promise for this show and I loved the Vampire Diaries and Originals so much, that it’s sad to see Legacies miss the mark. I wish they gave Hope more storylines that didn’t revolve around Landon. She is such a strong character and is SO POWERFUL. This is something we rarely see and it shouldn’t only be shown to save a guy (multiple times). Their couple plot is continually doing the same thing. I want to see a lot more development with this show over this season to keep me watching. I am actually happy that there isn’t a new episode until March 11th. (That’s saying something...) 

#tv shows #TV Show Reviews #wandavision #wanda maximoff #jimmy woo #Nancy Drew #nancy drew cw #drew crew #ace #the watch #bbc america the watch #zoey's extraordinary playlist #team max #secrets of sulphur springs #miss scarlet and the duke #eliza x william #all creatures great and small #james herriot #fate the winx saga #jacob duchman #blown away #violetta #Legacies #hope mikaelson

[creathechiboi]

Wow, hey, the rant’s here.

Just a heads up, this is (of course) gonna contain spoilers for everything up to S3 EP11 “Death Peck/Ponynomium,” so yeah, you’ve been warned. As for season 2, i’ll try to count everything but my god, it's a lot to say.

Seeing as i also have all the time in the world to rant, i will try and get into as many goods and bads, but i’m unfortunately as lazy as i am hooked to the show, so i guess i’ll take questions if i missed anything. at the end will be my plans for fanfics and fanart in the future and my last short thoughts.

Yes this is long as hell but deal with it, it’s my post, I do what I want. Be happy i got a spoiler warning on this or else this would’ve clogged your feed a LOT. (2.8k words incoming!)

I think i was nearly 12 when star vs. the forces of evil first premiered on Disney XD and it was one of the best times of my life, especially since i was just a kid who didn’t know jack about anything in life and just wanted to have fun. At the time, i don’t think i’d say that because… idk, what does a kid know about knowing the worth of ‘now?’

So when i am once again pulled into the temptation and great feeling of nostalgia and into the love of western cartoons such as Steven Universe and Owl House (which I will check out btw), i just needed to push away any worries i had and just return to what i loved when i was young. And it ABSOLUTELY did not help that the last episode I watched was Bon Bon the Birthday Clown, which is literally the front door of what i like to call ‘when-the-show-gets-real’ phase. So finally, years after its premiere and fewer after its end, here’s what i got so far about star vs. the forces of evil. I’ll go over what i consider crucial and all above.

(i’m not going back to episodes for a quick reminder, too lazy *after about 20 minutes in, i went against my word, but thank u to alyciadweeb for uploading reaction vids, saved me a lotta time.)

Season 1.

I think the episode list was fairly strong in this one. it nicely showed what it had to offer, what was to be expected going forward and how each character acted. Its ‘left-field’ progress is very charming, refreshing and random with each episode and the subject matter of everything under the list of ‘wholesome’ coming from Star mixed in with exciting and thrilling action and fight scenes is just so good.

Some highlights from this season were (and some are very obvious) Star Comes to Earth since it’s basically season one in a nutshell, Mewberty because i find it to be pretty suspenseful and i like star’s form, The Blood Moon Ball (you know why), Fortune Cookies for introducing Toffee nicely and pushing subtle plot, Marco Grows a Beard for Toffee again and showing off what Star is made of, and Storm the Castle. no words for Storm the Castle.

Considering the starco burn, it was nice and slow while staying pretty unpredictable as to how it would continue and even more conclude. Party with a Pony, Blood Moon Ball, and Storm the Castle were great for the burn because it showed what they were willing to do for each other and even through some rough talks, they can understand that they’re both on the same page of trying to stay alive.

Going over CHARACTERS, i think the main ones have contributed greatly to the season and are layered well. Star is naive but not so much to where it’s irritatingly stupid (imo btw), sweet, and so considerate of those who are in need of help such as in Mewnipendence Day when it clicked that PERHAPS monsters had it badly in both the history and present time.

Marco is cool yet awkward, he’s obviously super cautious being the Safe Kid he is, and the way he lets his concern take control to fight or monitor Star regardless of consequences displays just how much good he has for what he cares for.

Oskar and Jackie were pretty likeable whenever they appeared, their cool nature is relaxing and easy to love, and I understand love interests being an addition to the romantical aspect of the show and I can totally roll with it. I was super into Janna’s traits considering her side being stalker-ish (okay, VERY), forward, and a huge trickster, plus her dynamic with Marco is really enjoyable and I could side with their ship.

Ludo was playing a pretty good antagonist, but not enough for me to root for him. I think the ‘antagonist’ should be well made to where you despise them but at the same time you’re hyped the next time you spot him because the story will be pushed in a direction you didn’t anticipate. Which is where Toffee comes in.

This is pretty debateable; Toffee’s introduction is an antagonist’s introduction done right, at least as far as cartoon shows go. Maybe. At his first appearance, he only seemed off, strange, a character with a very ambiguous mission. Before I noticed, he became the one I wanted to see the most, the one that would bring the show its best colors and deepest moments. And his traits just make it so much better, he is meticulous yet his plans are mysterious, unsettling, unusually still and calm, and just truly evil.

And then the next season arrived.

Season 2.

Entering this felt pretty nerve-racking, but I was also excited to catch up to when I last separated from this show. After breaking through the Bon Bon episode and finishing the season, I can say that season 2 was really, REALLY good. To me. And seeing as this prick has 22 episodes, I will try to mention all the crucials and highlights in a messy mixture.

The first episode/season debut did a great job of starting a new plot with new moving parts and staying somewhat connected with the first season. ‘Dip down’ was a really cool ability to see Star unlock, yet I didn’t catch her continuing with said ability. Ludo’s episode was really entertaining and it got me wondering where the plot was going with Ludo still involved. There’s a moment where you just know when to drop the antagonist, and with Toffee ‘gone,’ I would say that dropping Ludo would’ve been the best choice to move on.

[Ludo in The Wild, Wand to Wand, By the Book, Bon Bon, Is Mystery] Except that it resulted in the best pair of villains for the season. Ludo finally became a menace worth taking seriously, someone who had minions who took him more seriously than his previous, and with Toffee technically ‘in charge’ and corrupting magic, it was the best hint to something huge and dangerous growing in the distance.

[Wand to Wand, By The Book, Into The Wand, Bon Bon, Just Friends, Face the Music, Starcrushed] The corruption of the wands was one of my favorite ongoing points in this season. At first, I would’ve never suspected Toffee was behind it all and that it was a result of destroying the wand (it just clicked how he ended up in the wand, omfg, S3). As it kept going, I understood that the wand was never supposed to work completely for Ludo, that it was all part of a much more complicated plan for Toffee to return and just destroy magic for good. As for Star, it’s...I don’t know. The fact that her emotions, either good or bad, were mostly the ropes pulling the wand to function properly was very interesting, and even more so when Star was distracted by her own jealousy and anger towards the Jarco ship.

(And being the fanfic lover I am, I would’ve loved for the jealousy to kick up the evil magic and anger to Jackie because… ._ . Because I like drama and I’m a weeb who likes yandere moments. All love to Jackie though, great character, I just need drama.)

[Mr. Candle Cares, Friend-enemies] Before hitting the romance portion, I just wanna shove in my appreciation for the bond growing between Marco and Tom. Despite being a pretty short 2 episodes, I think they did a good job of bringing the two to a better spot in their relationship and being able to discuss Star without weird tropes such as Tom trying to keep Marco away from Star (which I guess he did, but whatevs) or Tom trying to get with Star for 11 minutes, which would’ve been pain—ful. Much love to the Tomco shippers !

[Camping Trip, Sleepover, Naysaya, Bon Bon, Trickstar, Just Friends, Face the Music, Starcrushed.] Iiiiii..The triangle was great here. I think these episodes did a good job with progressing the Jarco ship and watching Star having to third wheel or try to suppress her feelings was saddening until she was hit with her own truth, which then led to her being the one verifying it instead of hiding it forever. It was relieving that she had the chance, even if it had to lead to separation because of plot, which was the best and worst cliffhanger to leave on.

[Cont. of above.] I didn’t really see a reason to bring back Oskar in the last episode, especially at the highest point and at the very end of the season. I suppose it was for Star to try and develop a new love, something to pull her away from Marco, but like—there could’ve been many other ways to accomplish distance, no? Maybe I’m wrong, but it didn’t feel completely right when I watched it. Also I only included Camping Trip and Trickstar because I like to wonder how Starco would’ve come closer by being alone in the woods and that line Marco gives when he has his joy sucked out is just so out there. They might have been Marco’s doubts or being insecure of how it would go with Jackie, but it’s also funny to think that it was written in because of its seriousness.

[Running with Scissors.] This is just ‘The Hekapoo x Marco Fanfiction’ episode, plus I think it was one of the best concepts for an episode. One thing that does tick at me is that Marco continues to be himself instead of mentally matured since his mind has aged 16 more years.

(this is becoming longer than I guessed, but let’s keep going. Kudos if you made it here, and more if to the end.)

[Page Turner, Into the Wand, Baby, Running with Scissors, Face the Music, Starcrushed.] The Butterfly’s and the Magic High Commission. I was very hooked to Glossaryck and his connection to what I guessed were some ‘very important people.’  It always felt like he played a much bigger role than just the explainer of the Book of Spells, and that he possibly knew what cards were going to be dealt later on. The members of the Commission were all unique, loveable, and clearly held power that I was excited to see. But even after saying all that, my biggest questions rested on Moon and Eclipsa. Moon coming into the picture was a huge alarm and seeing her involved in the conflict for the safety of her daughter and magic kept me on edge. Having Eclipsa pop up often meant she would most likely meddle with oncoming situations in the next season and Baby comparing Star to her made me want to know what that meant for Star, her desires, and goals.

Season 3.

aaaAHHHHHHH—Okay, let’s make this fast. Season 3 hit me really really hard. So what better way to start than with The Battle for Mewni?

[The Battle for Mewni episodes.] As much as I’d like to peek into the romance, I need to stay organized and follow my own plan. This portion was the best way to resume the plot and I legitimately couldn’t stop until I had finished it and witnessed the conclusion. Moon’s backstory brought much more info for Toffee and Eclipsa and gave her own perspective as to how she acted when she was Star’s age; she wasn’t any wiser than Star was in the present, she made mistakes too.

[Cont.] A part of me was worried that maybe evil would have the last laugh, everything just seemed to appear as if the worst was meant to happen. Glossaryck was gone, the High Commission may never return, Star would most likely stay within the wand forever. And then I reached the battle against Toffee and it was one of the most exciting, most moving moments I have ever seen. Plus, I get to see Star not only ‘dip down,’ but morph into a whole new beautiful yet scary form.

And can I just mention how AMAZING the ending song is?! I’m a big music fan, but even without my studies and without experiencing a pile of diverse music, this ending song would continue to give me shivers and bring a smile to my face.

[Cont.] If it wasn’t for the Blood Moon’s assurance that Starco’s souls are bound together for eternity, I wouldn’t reeeaally see a reason for Marco to arrive at Mewni and become roped into the conflict. I would’ve thought that maybe this would be Star’s fight and Marco would face a much longer wait before deciding to leave and stay in Mewni. With all that said, Marco’s experience with Mewni and then returning to Earth is a good way for him to realize that he couldn’t completely forget and that he truly wanted to live there.

I blame River for a majority of it. Dumb meat cape.

[Moon the Undaunted, Stranger Danger, Lint Catcher, Sweet Dreams.] My god, Eclipsa is so likeable and I absolutely cannot trust myself with the choice of trusting her or not. She is so sweet and understanding when both Moon and Star dumped their personal problems onto her, her attitude is nonchalant and cheeky, and I can totally see where Star’s rebellious side came from, both just have their own ways and plans to get what they need. All knowledge is good knowledge after all.

[Scent of a Hoodie, Lint Catcher, Sophomore Slump.] You know, I’m somewhat glad that Starco’s bond is taking a few steps back and even more awkward than before. It was super cute (and gross) that Star continued to miss Marco to the point where she lied in order to keep a piece of him with her. I don’t fully believe that Marco initially returned to Mewni for Star but more so as a result of his days being cooped up in it. While it meant that Jackie understood fully and tore her ties with him as to make the feeling go away faster, it was a new door for Marco to enter and better enjoy than to be the ‘croissant girl.’

[Cont.] The part where the roles were reversed and now Marco was the one dropping into Star’s life was a new take on a used beginning that I enjoyed, and showed that some time needed to pass before things would return to normal.

[Club Snubbed, Demoncism, Lava Lake Beach.] I almost ALMOST had this strong feeling, this permanent question, which was ‘why the hell would you bring TomStar back?’ If it was for the Starco slow burn, I was completely certain that there were better ways to develop the ship. If I remember correctly (if I’m wrong, this is still good), Star had her attention on trying to be the best princess she could be, so why not have her try and use that as distance and denial while Marco continued as he did, like a squire, just someone by her side?

[Cont.] After about 2 days of thinking, I just decided to drop it into the excuse of Star successfully finding a new love in an old flame (ayy, fire pun). Love is just complicated like that, even Marco faced the same feeling when seeing the two and found himself a breakup buddy in the form of the great Kelly (Kellco is great btw). While this explanation suffices, I still have a pinch of doubt in it.

Conclusion.

I am not prepared to drop this show. These characters, this story, all of it just leads me to want more, for the story to continue and it’s what leads me to click the next episode but at the same time want to hold back to make it last longer. Sometimes wanting to feel what you felt before leaves a sharp feeling when it’s all gone. It feels much worse when I’m going through a big part of life, and trying to feel memories just makes you remember that it doesn’t last forever. While the Season 3 ED brings me joy, it constantly reminds me that I’ll have to finish the show soon.

But past the nostalgia, I feel a once dead love for shows return to my heart. This show reminds me that sometimes it’s okay to indulge in entertainment, in great plots and characters that you end up loving forever. I hope that I can find time for shows and bring back the great feeling this show always does when I watch it.

I’m planning to resume my fanfic writing and begin a fanart series based on SVTFOE, but also try and bring and continue other series that I love today and then. And these won’t be WIPS and drafts, I want to go all out.

Thank you for reading all…this. It means a lot. I’ll be back when I finish the whole show. This’ll be a painful, wonderful, great experience, and I won’t take it for granted.

#star vs evil #star vs foe #star vs #i need starco #starco #star butterfly #star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #marco diaz #eclipsa butterfly #moon butterfly #star vs the force of evil spoilers #star vs the force of evil season 3 #tom lucitor #jackie lynn thomas #janna ordonia #toffee

[strangebrews]

@madam-metaphor​ asked: 69. Ventriloquist

So Eddie was still out of a job. Not an ideal state to be in, by any means, though he’d excused the situation on being busy with other, more pertinent things—diverting an alien invasion, for starters.

But it’d been 2 months since anything urgent had come up and here was Eddie during a Wednesday afternoon, on the couch with a microwave dinner in his lap. TV shows had gotten worse nowadays, he was thinking, no respect for plot anymore, just pure drama. 

His bills were piling up—the stack of envelopes was becoming painfully apparent on the island in the kitchen, giant red notices bleeding onto the paper—but it wasn’t like Eddie hadn’t tried. He had tried—at the grocery store, the pet shop, even the fucking video rental place—yet none of the leads had amounted to any promising offer. He was just unlucky, that was all, he thought and took another bite.

You’re very lucky, Eddie. I decided to live in your body. Venom regarded itself quite highly.

He was flipping through channels now, irritated with his lack of options, Venom’s head perched on his shoulder. A streaming subscription, that’s what he needed. Another bill added to the mound, but it was necessary, because, “I mean look at this shit,” he gestured towards the TV with his remote, mouth full, “You cannot expect me to want to watch this kind of crap.” It’d been some ventriloquist—third fucking episode in a row—and Eddie jammed his finger into the skip in frustration. 

Wait.

Venom pressed a tendril to the back button and slithered closer to the screen, head cocked in interest.

How did he get that little human onto his arm?

Eddie gave Vee a crooked smile. He would admit, providing Venom explanations of silly human behaviors was one of his favorite aspects of this cohabitation. “It’s not a tiny human. It’s a puppet—not alive. You stick your arm up the hole in its ass and make it do things.” He laughed, amused at his own explanation. 

Venom’s eyes glimmered. Don’t we do the same thing?

 The laughing stopped. “No, no we do not do the same thing—it’s different. It’s very fucking different. You’re supposed to make jokes, create a show, have people watch you.”

The glimmer intensified. Let’s do that.

“Do what? Become a career ventriloquist?” a slow nod was Eddie’s only answer.  

Venom’s proposal was unsurpring, actually. It had grown increasingly frustrated recently—angry that Eddie could walk the streets now without anyone suspecting anything out of the ordinary, providing no indication they knew Venom was living inside. But the issue was that Venom wanted to be seen—wanted everyone to know that Eddie was taken, that this was Venom’s Eddie. It didn’t want anyone looking at him. Considering him.

Venom had thrown a fit once or twice in public already, accidentally shoved someone out through the glass doors of a bus because they’d brushed up against Eddie a little too often. And that had been an accident—the person was fine aside from a few scratches on the nose—but Venom had been sternly warned that day to never try anything like it again. 

“I’ll rip you out of me, Vee. I promise I will.” Obviously it was an exaggeration, but the image it produced was painful enough for Venom to agree.

So this was its roundabout way of being present in public. They could star in a show together—much like the one on TV—and Venom would have an excuse to stay on the outside, make itself known. It was a perfect idea.

I would make a great puppet, Eddie.

Eddie just laughed and brushed the crumbs off the front of his shirt. He used to be an esteemed journalist. He was not going to become a fucking ventriloquist for the afternoon broadcast. It was stupid. It was ridiculous. It was not an option. It was—

+

They were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Venom’s head bobbing out from Eddie’s right hand, while another piece wrapped around his arm before cutting off entirely before the elbow. 

A puppet. A gooey, terrifying, alien puppet.

Venom had succeeded in getting Eddie to try the idea out—there was no harm in just trying, it’d argued. And yes, fucking had been a factor in the convincing process, but there was no need to focus on silly details.

They’d been glued to the same spot for nearly an hour now, Eddie trying to mold Venom’s mass into something a bit less menacing. He’d tried giving it pointed ears, a nose, some makeshift hair strands that were supposed to cover a part of Venom’s eyes, but they resembled creepy noodles, if anything else. The attempts were useless, so with a sigh Eddie gave in and moved onto the next issue. “We’ll just be really funny, to distract from the unconventional look.” Unconventional was his way of describing it, because there was no reason to hurt Vee’s feelings. 

Mouth movements proved to be a problem too. “You have to move it based on the shape of the words I’m saying. What you’re doing is not convincing at all.” Venom was just opening and closing its maw haphazardly, disregarding any authenticity. 

I’m meant to be a puppet. They lack the same facial mechanics. 

“Yeah, but—” Eddie cut himself off, because there was a point to be made here, he just wasn’t sure what it was. He set that aside for later. 

The tongue—the tongue had to go.

“It’s just a bit unsettling, is all, when you flick it all the way out like that, you know? Some might find it suggestive, others might think it's insulting.” So Venom curled it back into its maw, with some difficulty, but it’d managed.

Then they encountered an issue with the flow of the conversation. Eddie should have expected Venom to hit a few bumps in the road when it came to witty comebacks, but it really killed the vibe when it kept answering with things like Eddie, do you really think I look like a nasty talking tar ball?

Eddie even tried feeding Venom dialogue through his thoughts, but on the fourth failed attempt he decided they were done. “We tried, we basically failed. I’ve got more important things to do.”

Staring into your empty fridge so you can ignore your real problems isn’t very important. Eddie did not entertain Venom with a response.

+

Yes, he should have been looking for a job still, but Eddie chose to write a script instead. 

They had stopped after that fourth try, but returned to the mirror an hour later. Eddie was going to get it right—he was going to squeeze at least one original, funny thing out of Venom. 

On the seventh try he decided the only way out of this was writing a script.

Recording the video, with his phone resting on the dresser and the script hiding beside it, was also, just a one-off thing. A quick hyperfixation, nothing more.

He worked on their conversation for 2 days, smoothed out all the kinks in their performance during the 10 rounds of practice recordings. Venom could now shape its mouth around the words, kept its tongue inside, and even spoke at a higher pitch to make it more convincing. The pair was ready.

+

Uploading the video to Youtube had also been Eddie’s idea. He had not given up on the project, and neither had he given up on being in denial towards the fact that he was absorbed by said project.

“It’s just—I refuse to have wasted 5 fucking hours on this and keep it private, you know?” It was a weak argument, and he suspected Venom would have raised its eyebrows in doubt if it had any, but it stayed silent. 

He’d done some minimal editing. Nothing too fancy—just an intro and an outro, simple things he’d learned during his journalism days. “It’s not gonna get any views.” he was talking to himself at this point, mouse hovering over the Publish.

“It wasn’t even that funny.” The video had successfully appeared on the recent uploads page—Eddie had checked to make sure, but he didn’t necessarily care. 

“I’ll probably delete it in a day or two, anyway, mind you.” Venom continued to hide away.

+

Venom was only ever quiet for two reasons: it was tired, or it had won a battle with Eddie and had nothing more to say. This case slotted under the latter category.

Because Eddie had not deleted the video after a day or two—it was still floating around on the Internet and Eddie’s finger was beginning to cramp up from refreshing. And refreshing. And refreshing.

The result wasn’t anything major. It was only 100,000 hits in 5 days and the title was pure bait—kinda hard to pass up a video called “Famous Ex-Journalist Stuffs Hand Up Puppet’s Bumhole, Calls It Coping” (That’s a misleading title, Venom had noted. “I know, just trust me.”)

“It’s not even that funny of a video.” Eddie said again on the 6th day, but there was a smile tugging at his lips—nearing 200,000 now. 

Cooksucker3000 said your puppet is fucking dope, Eddie. Venom hummed along Eddie’s arms in satisfaction. The comments were its favorite part, for quite obvious reasons, and Eddie was too preoccupied with his own shower of compliments to correct Venom’s reading mistakes.

this is so hilarious!! 

i love the idea! 

good to see ur doing well - i remember u from tv! 

u r really fucking hot xx

Delete that. It has nothing to do with the contents of the video. So not all of the comments were Venom’s favorite.

+

When they hit 300,000 Eddie said, “Fine—I’ll write one more script. But after that, we’re done.” Venom did not put up a fight this time either.

Because fine, Eddie could say whatever he wanted, but they shared a fucking body at the end of the day—as if Venom wouldn’t have noticed him finishing up the 4th script of a series last night.

#symbrock #eddie brock #venom #mine #madam-metaphor #{screaming into the void} what am i Doing #anyway xoxo hope u like it

[hecckyeah]

What do you think the future is for Daisy and Sousa now after what happened in 7x09?!?!

Hey Anon!

Okay, before I get into some theories, can I just-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASLDKFJLSKAHLSKDFAHLSKD

Okay, now that I’ve expressed my feelings on 7x09, let’s continue.

7x09 was a freaking BLESSING. 

I honestly have a hard time believing the writers would have given us SUCH a rollercoaster of emotionally romantic content (in such a short time!) if they didn’t intend to build on it in some way. The groundwork for a really good, healthy, solid relationship between those dorks has been laid, and the only direction to go now (in a storytelling sense) is up. 

In an ideal world where I write the script, Dousy would be endgame. I would LOVE to see them live happily ever after, raising little baby inhuman shield agents alongside all their cousins . . . But sadly, I am a mere peasant and have no control over AoS, especially not its script. (Lots of things would be different if I did!)

Ideally, I’d love to see at least one more kiss this season (just so poor Sousa can actually remember it), and maybe even just some sweet, tender, emotional moments like they’ve given Mackelena and Fitzsimmons. You know, just some hugs or awkward hand holding or domestic having breakfast together moments. 

Unfortunately, we only have four episodes left. And they are going to need every. single. minute. to wrap up the season. 

(Although . . . Daisy seems pretty okay with taking up precious time to talk/make out with a certain someone we all know and love . . . So maybe there’s hope for a few sweet scenes still.)

What I really think we’ll see between them is definitely some of that “running into a wall” and being picked back up type of stuff Sousa was talking about. Daisy does have a tendency to burn herself out. And especially with this next episode featuring her mom (oof, so many emotions . . .), I’m crossing my fingers for our wonderful emotional-support-Sousa to do his thing. We all know Daisy could use it. 

One of the things that has been on my wish list ever since we found out Sousa was along for the ride, was for him to take over as Director of Shield. 

@agl03 has had theories about Mack and his ending (go check out her page for some quality content and theories on that), so if something does happen to him, Sousa would honestly be the best option for Director. He’s already a natural leader, he’s familiar with old Shield (back to the roots would be good for them), and he obviously already loves the team and wants to throw himself into any work he can. 

I can definitely see Daisy sticking around to help him with that. She has said that there is no Shield without Coulson, but maybe she could find new purpose in a Shield led by her and her partner? boyfriend? dare I say husband eventually??

I think that would be a beautiful end to her arc-- building the organization into something Coulson would be proud of, without actually being Director (which she has said multiple times she doesn’t want). That would also give her space to help run Afterlife if that’s something she felt like she needed/wanted to do. I could see her splitting her time between the two places, since that seems more her style. But I’m not getting my hopes too high.

All this to say, I honestly think Dousy is going to be fine. I’m really trying to keep my expectations low and just roll with the punches, but 7x09 was WAY too important to just forget, especially since they just now started to build this up four episodes away from a series finale. And it was so good for them because now Daisy is on the same page as Sousa. Their feelings are mutual, even though he might not know it yet. He’s been gaining affection for her the last few episodes, and she finally caught up with that, being able to see just how great of a guy he really is and how respectful and caring and down-to-earth he has been. I think it’s refreshing for her, and I think she is really, really starting to like him. A lot. (As we saw, with that absolutely perfect first kiss that I may or may not have watched on repeat for a very long time . . .) 

I have hope for them. I don’t want to be disappointed so I’m keeping my hopes and expectations as low as I can . . . but I can see them being endgame.

Sorry I’m so long winded sometimes! I hope this answered your question!! I LOVE Dousy already, I would do anything to see them happy together, and I just really, really hope the writers pull through on this. (I mean, have you all SEEN that blessed video all about them that Marvel put out recently?? Go watch it. Seriously.)

Anyway, thanks so much for the ask, Anon-- here’s to Dousy and a happy ending! *raises glass* :)

#aos #agents of shield #aos speculation #sousy #dousy #daisysous #anon asks #ask katie

[hwallout]

chemistry - haon

request:  you're literally so cute omg 🥺, and yes he really is talented, one of the best rappers in my opinion actually,could it be a fluff, you being an idol and something like you two are dating and go to a variety show together and everyone just adores you two 🥺

words: 4,2k

genre: fluff

early a/n: omg im so nervous about this, my first request!! i kind of got carried away with the idea and just wanted to write a lot of things for it. it’s also my first time writing an idol and variety show au so i hope i did it justice <3

“Today, we have a special, new couple with us, everyone please welcome them!” The short and chubby woman said, a little nametag hanging off the rough material of her shirt, Jiyoon. Her voice rose slightly at the last word, arms extending and hands pointing towards the two youthful souls that stood not so far away. Slowly, the camera zoomed out and focused on the excited and cheerful appearance of a young couple.

Today, after exactly two weeks of going public about your relationship with Haon, you were guesting on your first “couple” variety show. Needless to say, nervousness taking a toll on your mind, although it wasn’t the first time guesting on this exact show. Being a popular solo artist, you’ve been invited a few times, and so has the rapper beside you, but being here as a couple was a completely different story.

Still, you didn’t let the tension win, and decided to film today’s episode as per usual – with a lot of fun and laughs. Now that your boyfriend was there, the atmosphere was only going to be better. Haon had a huge smile on his face, one that was well matching with yours. His cheeks came up high and made his eyes turn into thin slits. Just seeing him so happy was enough to make anyone’s day perfect.  

The two of you walked hand in hand, bodies moving to the slowly increasing volume of a song playing. It took a long second to realize that it was your recent collaboration – a song that earned a lot of praise and became a hit overnight. Letting the beat glide, your idol persona took over and you started bopping and mouthing the words of the song.  

When in the center of the room, Haon turned around and rapped along, hyping up the whole set. His lyrics flowed perfectly, breathing perfectly in control for the speed he delivered the words. Although so close to the boy, you still envied him, there was still so, so much to learn from such an experienced person. Slowly but surely, he built up the atmosphere for the main part of the collaboration – which were your own lyrics. When they finally started, the set went silent.

Still in the chic persona that the fans adored so much, you rapped along, holding an imaginary mic. At some point, you’d lift up your leg and step on Haon’s thigh, the boy now crouching down and enjoying the show. He looked at you with a cheeky smirk, but the eyes held so much indescribable adoration for the female before him.

Distancing away, and deciding to walk around the room, you showed off the powerful aura that was one of the main reasons you were an instant hit right after debut. The producers and cameramen bopped their heads along. In the last few lines, your boyfriend joined in on the vocal parts and you ran towards him to perform together, satisfied with the smooth execution of the beautiful collaboration.

The song ended with a strong growl and an imaginary mic drop from the both of you. Sounds of amazement resonated through the room, and the MCs appeared in the shot once again, also clapping along.

“Exactly what do we say about this duo? Legendary, exceptional, talented couple” Jiyoon chirped, her voice high but slightly raspy. “Haon and _____ everybody!” Hoseok and Lim, two of the other MCs joined in, chanting names and motioning towards you for the main camera to move and switch focus.

A brief filming cut was made, and suddenly there were a lot of people running around. Some staff came close to check up on makeup, hair, clothes, while the rest prepared the set behind. Haon’s disappearance went by unnoticed, until he came back, holding a fluffy blanket in your favorite color. Unable to control the sudden rush of feelings, you hugged him tight, hearing quiet coos from the production crew.  

Everything was finished in a matter of one minute, and the filming resumed. You were seated now, with the blanket covering up your legs, a warm feeling spreading over the chilly skin. There was a wide smile on your face that only widened as the male beside reached out and held your hand, placing it neatly in his lap.

“First off, welcome! It’s a pleasure seeing some familiar faces again” Lim spoke, deep voice contrasting his soft features. He looked at the boy on your left, then you, a friendly smile on his lips. The man’s cheeks were high and full, making it clear as to why the media often compared him to a mochi. Seeing Lim hosting again allowed you to relax more. You were already comfortable enough to joke and fool around with the older.

“Thank you for inviting us!” Haon replied, glancing to his right quickly as if to catch your reaction. Even after so long, there was that soft smile he fell in love with so long ago.

“It’s always refreshing when couples guest on our show, but I must say I was pleasantly surprised with today’s lineup” Lim continued, and was met with approving hums from the others. You looked down at the blanket, feeling a slight flush overtaking your features.  

“We hope you guys will have fun with today’s segments we prepared just for you” The host continued, flipping over a page on his script and taking a quick glance at it. The announcement had your eyes widening and mouth forming an O shape. Haon was in charge of vocal reactions, an amazed (or perhaps thrilled?) sound leaving his parted lips. You looked at him in excitement, resuming to clapping and legs swaying back and forth.

“Ah, just for us? Stop it, I’m gonna blush” Haon suddenly said, putting a hand to his heart, trying to fake fluster. The tone with which he spoke was high in pitch, almost way too cute for his usual demeanor. You laughed at his little remark, seeing just how comfortable the other was with the older man.

“You know you’re my favorite, how can I not?” Lim replied with the same type of undertone, mimicking the actions of your boyfriend. A slight commotion developed between two friends. You, and the two other hosts, sat on the side, watching with attentive eyes the teasing conversation that went back and forth – providing yet another source of entertainment. The room was quickly filled with laughter and claps of excitement.

Once the noise died out, Hoseok was the one to speak. He was the newest MC of the show, yet he always seemed so professional.  

“As you can see, we always have fun with our guests” He said, taking a glance at the script in his lap. The motion was brief and quick, almost unnoticeable. “And I hope you’ll continue to enjoy the show because we are jumping straight onto the first segment!”

The MCs did their usual transition between introductions and first segments, their strong cheers followed by your own. Adding to points for style, the couple made little hand guns that were pointed at the camera. They were later on edited to shoot colorful hearts.

“So, guys, you’ve been dating for some time now” Jiyoon noted, looking at you with adoring eyes. The woman was in her mid 40s and always loved seeing such young but aspiring people happy together. It was something about these pupils that had so much weight on their shoulders, but found time for each other, that made Jiyoon’s chest feel warm. It’s probably exactly why she loved doing shows like these.

“9 months” You interrupted, trying to hide the excitement that threatened to drip off those words. Honestly, it wasn’t possible to remain emotionless while speaking about your relationship. The boy meant so much to you, that whenever talking or thinking about him, you’d smile.

“9 months, yet only decided to go public recently, how did that go? How did you come about making such an important decision?”  

“Well, we talked about it a lot ever since we got together actually” Haon spoke, the dark strands of hair falling over his eyes, failing to hide the raw emotion in his pupils as he spoke. Out of nowhere, the boy’s hand reached for yours and for the nth time that day, you let him hold it.  

“But I think that just after our collab came out, the fans managed to catch onto that little bit of emotion. That’s when we realized it couldn’t be hidden for much longer. So, as we appeared in more videos together, they kept on picking on all these little looks because you know, it’s impossible to hold all of them in-” The boy laughed, cocking his head to the side. “And then maybe I slipped and posted a certain story...”

“Slipped and went through the effort of putting a filter and timestamp on the picture” You noted, remembering just the exact moment when it all unfolded. It was a late Friday. In quest of breathing some fresh air, you walked out on the balcony, leaned against the balustrade and enjoyed the beautiful view. The full moon greeted you happily. Haon joined you on the balcony shortly after, but his steps were quiet, unalarming of his presence. From his point of view, your form was only a dark silhouette, contrasting the city lights and white city behind it. Without much thought, the boy snapped a picture, turning to instagram story and writing ‘late night inspiration’.

The fans weren’t slow to catch up. Fortunately, it appeared to be a good decision.

“We were with supportive comments even before going official, and when that accident happened, we decided to come clean of it. That’s what he’s trying to present an essay about” You answered the question with a sassy tone, rolling your eyes playfully at the other, earning a laugh from the hosts in return. Your boyfriend tried faking offense at being so nonchalantly interrupted, but the smirk that followed on his expression didn't wait to appear.

“And how did all of this happen? How did the relationship develop?” Lim questioned, raising his eyebrows in a teasing manner.

“Haon was actually there when I auditioned for the company. He wasn’t allowed in by the judges-” You began, trying to vividly recall the exact moment of your first encounter. Haon was shorter back then, hair curly and covering most of his forehead, reaching his eyes even. It was a wonder he was even able to see you audition through those strands and blurry glass. Haon wore baggy clothes, and you remember thinking that his outfit of the day was inspired by homeless fashion.

“Mind you, I was called, but I refused”  

“He refused and then stood right outside, watching the audition. When I came out of the room, he greeted me and we talked while I waited for my friend to finish her audition. We became friends in a span of 10 minutes”

“I knew she was going to get accepted, and when that finally happened, I was there to help her with all the burdens of the trainee period. Especially because she was trained to be a solo artist. We’re similar age, so I was there to be a friend as well as some kind of a tutor. Then, it all slowly developed from that friendship” Your boyfriend spoke with so much pride in his voice and you had to physically restrain from cooing out loud. Despite all effort, there was still a faint tint of red on your cheeks.  

“The two of you are people of great qualities, what are some things that you exceptionally like about each other?” Hoseok questioned, quite interested in the whole topic. He wanted the two of you to talk your hearts out, to show just how happy people could be when together. The man was an idol too and completely aware of how cruel the industry could be, especially towards young artists that tried living life outside of work. Seeing a couple like you, openly talking about the relationship, gave him some faith to believe in.

“She’s extremely selfless. She’ll first make sure everyone is doing fine and everyone’s needs are met before hers. Also, she’s very determined. If this girl has her mind on something, she’s not going to stop working until it’s achieved. If some things meet bumps along the way, she tends to talk herself through it-”  

“I do not!” You tried defending pride, but the words held no truth. It was a trait you were aware but definitely not proud of.

“You do. Personally, I find it cute, especially when you’re working on songs, composing or writing. You hum a melody and then explain it to yourself. Or when your tongue pokes out while concentrated, like this” Haon explained, carefully moving his tongue to place it between his soft lips, resembling a puppy. Although called out, you found the situation to be a great source of even more entertainment. Deciding to tease the boy further, you squinted and leaned in.

“No I don’t?”

“Yes, you do, exactly like this” Your boyfriend repeated the action, turning around so you could observe from different angles. Unfortunately for him, there was no affirmative reaction, and you only resumed staring at him. At this point, the MCs caught onto the game and started giggling silently, hands covering their mouth and trying to prevent the sounds from escaping.

“How? Can you please demonstrate again I didn’t see it” Just then, the façade broke and your voice pitched up at the end. A sneaky laugh slipped just in between the last two words. The boy looked at you seriously, taking a second to process the situation before gasping. His head shook in disapproval while everyone around laughed loudly. Your shoulders shook with so much power that they managed to throw you off balance and off the chair – almost. Almost, because just like always, the protective and reassuring side of your boyfriend was there to steady your form. With an appreciative look, you silently thanked him. Just a few more moments passed before you were answering to Hoseok’s question too.

“Haon... he’s very outgoing, to the point where I have to mentally prepare for whatever might happen tomorrow. He’s always doing something, always busy with something. Also, he loves to gift and surprise people, with small pieces of affection or big extravagant plans”

“Haon likes to interrupt me mid writing to listen to his songs and I really can’t complain about that because I get to hear all of the songs in their raw, original format” You tried to do the boy justice, although it is extremely hard to do so using plain, simple words. Your feelings went further than any sentence could ever portray.

“He’s very clingy and loves to show affection at any moment possible” To prove the point, you pointed towards the other hand that was securely in his. The hosts cooed at the sight, and instead of pulling back, Haon only caressed your fingers carefully.

“He likes to switch between English and Korean a lot, thank god that I understand him, for we’d definitely not be able to communicate properly if I didn't”  

Truthfully, it was possible to go on for days about your boyfriend. It was that huge space the boy had in your heart that held so, so many reasons for why it loved him. Deeming that the show wasn’t an appropriate place for your heart to write love letters, you decided to stop there, ending the presentation with a slight nod and look at the ground. The hosts took a few seconds to drink up this beautiful confession, before agreeing on moving on to the next segment.

“For every couple, communication and understanding are very important, right?” Jiyoon started, looking around as if to gauge reaction. Humming and nodding along, you agreed with her statement. She flipped the pages of the script, a little more obvious than Hoseok, and continued the speech. “Those who are close can understand each other without words, even, so that’s exactly what our first game is going to be about”

As if on que, Lim ran towards the production crew to pick up a a stack of papers. All of them had something written on them, but thanks to his broad form, the words were hidden from sight. Hoseok took it upon himself to explain the game, saying you’ll be explaining words to each other using only your body. In the first round, Haon will be the one describing, while you guess, and in the second, vice versa. Six points and above were considered a win, there were two passes and one minute per round.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, we have a collective sum of three braincells” Your boyfriend spoke, realizing that such a game maybe wasn’t one of his strongest fields. Laughing quietly while walking towards your position, you listened to the funny exchange between him and Jiyoon.

“Three work better than none” The woman tried encouraging the boy, patting him softly on the back.

“The problem is all three of them are hers” Haon replied, a teasing tone noticeable in his words. The older giggled, pushing him softly towards his own position, shaking her head while doing so. Lim stood a few steps behind you, holding the papers high above his head so the boy describing could easily see the words. The countdown began and in a matter of three seconds, you were thrown into the game.

A minute passed by way too quick for your liking. It was as if you’ve only had enough time to properly think about two of the terms the other was mimicking, when in fact you’ve managed to do quite well. Succeeding on guessing explosion, roller coaster and cute, with a pass on police officer, you thought you’ve done well enough. For the first round, you were very proud of the both of you. Now the team only needed to get three more right, to win the game.

Unfortunately, this word set appeared to be a lot harder than the last. Still, somehow, with incredulous amounts of effort and teamwork, you’ve managed to succeed on cloud, phoenix and leaf with a pass on machine. Hearing someone yell “PASS” sent both youngsters into overdrive.  

Cheers of celebration echoed throughout the wide space, as you all but yeeted yourself across the room. Succeeding appeared to be a huge accomplishment, even though it was just a simple game. You ran across the studio, occasionally throwing glances at the rest. Haon was wiggling his body like a spaghetti, making weird noises to emphasize his happiness. Once in arms reach, he lifted you off the ground and spun around. As a succession gift, the pair was gifted a Korean beef set, that managed to increase their already huge amount of happiness.

The next segment was calmer than the last. The MCs discussed a little bit more of your life and daily routines, still curious about how you were managing everything. They brought up some funny pictures and videos you’ve posted together in the past two weeks, and listened to the stories behind them – especially the video where you were running away from a flock of angry ducks at a local park, all while Haon was sneakily laughing and recording. Or the one where he was trying to make a certain type of pastry and managed to completely drown himself in flour. Of course, the picture you snapped then was immediately posted on Instagram.

When the hosts introduced the next game, your interest was immediately earned. Although alone, it actually was something you’ve practiced before, therefore doing it with your boyfriend shouldn’t be that challenging.

The explanation was brief and clear. You will be shown a yoga pose for exactly half a second and will then have twenty to recreate it as accurately as possible. Two executed poses are a success.

Apparently, this was supposed to showcase another side of your teamwork and compatibility. Just how the hosts imagined the game to prove your compatibility was beyond the couple, but as long as you had fun, nothing else mattered.

Feeling a rush of confidence from the last game, you stood up and approached the little screen that will be displaying the poses. Haon joined in and you were shown the first picture not long after. A gasp left your lips.

“Tell me I didn’t see that well” You whispered, surprise evident both in your voice but also eyes. Seeing your confused face, the boy was ready to explain, but upon noticing the clock already ticking down your precious twenty seconds, he realized there was no time for it.

“Unfortunately, you did, now hurry!” He said, already moving to mirror the pose of the man on that picture. It was easy for him to hurry, when his part of the pose was way easier. Carefully approaching him, you stood on his foot with yours, then looked back.

“I swear if you drop me-”

“Wouldn’t be the first time now, would it?”

“Just please don’t drop me this time” You pleaded, letting Haon grab the other leg by the ankle and slowly lift it up. Thanks to the idol training, you were quite flexible so the boy easily lifted your leg in the wanted position. Crossing yourself, you dared to push forward, screaming when the force on the ankle pulled you into a secure position and prevented the fall from happening. At that moment, your heart beat faster than ever. Extending arms forward, the pose was finished and you listened to the last few seconds tick away.

The second one seemed to not have put you in a wishful position either, but it was easier than the last one. You took the black shoes off while Haon executed the downwards dog, strengthening his back so you could easily climb up. Shifting all weight on strong arms and stepping backwards (and carefully) on Haon’s back, you stopped only when you reached his hips and were folded into a 90-degree angle. Once again, the clock ticked away, the MCs screaming ‘PASS’ and coming over to assist you coming down.  

It was only easy yoga, yet the both of you gasped hard for air afterwards. A weak fist of celebration was risen into thin air, as you sat down cross legged, still somewhat dizzy and disoriented. The camera made sure to zoom in everyone’s face, from different angles, eager to catch raw reactions. Haon on the other hand, although out of breath, was able to talk and stand up. He decided to go grab water for you, commenting on the experience while walking.

“I don’t know how it showed our compatibility, but it for sure proved how out of shape we are if we managed to get out of breath like this”  

You were given two minutes to calm down and have makeup checked (for the nth time that day), before the shoot continued. For the next, and at the same time last segment, you were seated again, speaking with the MCs about different goals and future plans. They allowed you to be as cliché and cute as possible, listening to the long bucket list of things you wanted to do together. Lim took a teasing approach and asked if you had any plans about the future wedding, to which your face flushed and turned a bright red shade. You were still pretty young, and there were a lot of things both had to experience and achieve before settling down; but it would be a lie to say that such thoughts haven’t crossed your mind. Haon decided to play along and replied with a laugh, saying that once it happens, all three of them will be invited.

The show wrapped up in a beautiful atmosphere. You were asked to perform another one of your collaborations, which was a slower, ballad song. Your hands stayed intertwined throughout the whole performance, only letting go at the last few lines. Then, you raised one arm up, meeting Haon’s just above your head, succeeding at forming a lovely heart.

The director yelled ‘CUT’ and the filming finished. Politely bowing to every one of the show’s staff, you walked away from the set, proudly holding the big set of Korean beef.

The next week, when the episode officially aired, you were nervous checking the reviews, still unsure how such a wide audience would react to it. Thankfully, as the two of you sat comfortably on the bed, in each other’s embrace, scrolling down the comment section, you couldn’t find a single negative remark. There were two million views already, and ten thousand comments, all of them filled with praise, delight and support.

“They’re nations new couple!”

“Look just how cute they are!”

“Their interactions are so precious; their chemistry is so strong!”

“Haonnie, we know you’re going to take good care of our angel!”

“They’re so close... I wish I had someone as precious as she does T.T”

And maybe, just maybe, that was all you had to see to finally experience full happiness with the boy your heart loved more than anything ever.

A/N: Here it is! My first request! Thank you so much for requesting and giving me a chance to write such a scenario <3 Also thank you for introducing me to Haon, i’ll keep up with him from now on  <3 Hope you enjoyed reading this!

#haon #kim haon #haon fluff #haon fanfiction #haon imagine #haon scenario #kim haon fluff #kim haon fanfiction #kim haon imagine #kim haon scenario #kpop fanfiction #kpop fluff #kpop imagine #kpop scenario #kpop #fluff #fanfic #imagine #scenario #kpop request #request

[katehuntington]

Title: In Bad Waters - part two Word count: ±1550 words Episode summary: Still in possession of the Winchesters’ belongings, Zoë meets up with the hunters on her next case. When it turns out to be a little more complicated than anticipated, she accepts their help in order to make an important deadline. Part two summary: Zoë wakes up from another horrific flashback and tries to put the pieces together. Episode warnings: Dark! NSFW, 18+ only! Descriptions of domestic violence/child abuse. Drug use/addiction. Angst, gore, violence, character death. Description of blood, injury and medical procedures/resuscitation. Swearing, alcoholism. Supernatural creatures/entities, mentions of demon possession. Descriptions of torture and murder, drowning. Illegal/criminal practices. Mentions of nightmares and flashbacks. Author’s note: Beta’d by @winchest09​​, @kittenofdoomage​​ & @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​​. Thanks, girls!

Supernatural: The Sullivan Series Masterlist

S1E02 “In Bad Waters” Masterlist

     Paragould, Arkansas      November 25th, 2005 - Present day

     Gasping for air Zoë bolts upright in her bed. Breathing heavily, she stares at the wall in front of her, her eyes wide. It takes a moment before it settles in what just happened. Chill, take a breath, it was just another vision. 

     She swallows thickly, fighting the panic that got triggered. Closing her eyes, she inhales and lets the air slip from her lips, counting the seconds as she does so, waiting until her heart slows down. Exhausted she falls back on her pillow, worn out by the terrible night’s sleep. Fuck, that was worse than a bad trip. She feels like she just got out of a car crash; beat, sore, and confused. The restless dream has covered her skin in a thin layer of sweat and yet she feels stone cold. 

     A gaze at the clock on the cabinet informs her of the time, it’s 7:15 in the morning. She huffs, and she had hoped to sleep in. The familiar migraine pushes itself to the foreground and she squints; wonderful, just what she needed. 

With her eyes still half closed, she does her best to ignore the golden morning light coming from the tall windows. After throwing her legs over the side of the king size bed, she walks over to the luxurious bathroom; time to freshen up and at least come across as respectable again. 

     Every time she wakes up from one of these damn things, she’s unprepared for the blinding pains and black spots, even though she has experienced them plenty of times before. She's not really sure why she's still surprised by the effects, the aftermath has been very consistent so far. 

     Without looking at the faucet - her eyes narrowed to shut out the beams coming from the ceiling lamp - the huntress turns it on, the hot water steaming up the large mirror. She takes off her shirt and shorts and quickly finds comfort under the warm shower. As soon as the droplets hit her skin, a feeling of relief and relaxation washes over her. 

     Now that she’s getting back to her old self again, the tiredness sets in. How long did she sleep, an hour or two, maybe? After an exhausting eight hour drive - including a quick shower stop to get rid of the smell she was still carrying with her after her previous case - she finally arrived in Paragould. She checked into the first four star hotel she could find, got out of her clothes, and crashed on the bed. 

     As the warm water cleanses her, Zoë starts to take out the details of the images that she just saw during her sleep. It was the same dream she had the night before, the setting identical. She concentrates and brings back the memories she has been playing over and over in her head.

     “- that’s good news for the locals down there, let’s see if Brian can give us some positive news about the weather.”      “Well Julia, that I can. Looks like it’s going to be another sunny day in Greene County tomorrow. Clear blue skies, a mild, refreshing breeze from the southwest and a temperature of, brace yourself, 83° average, which is rather warm for this time of the year. Even when we look further up this week, it seems like this mild weather just keeps on going. Great circumstances for September and fall isn’t coming to Arkansas any time soon.”

     She could hear it so clear in her dream, the six o'clock weather forecast of the local TV station, somewhere September this year. After some research she found Greene County, in the far north east of the State of Arkansas. Over 38.000 people live in this county, with Paragould as its metropolitan area with a population of almost 25.000. Besides the fact that it seemed obvious to take a look in the largest city first, for some reason when that name appeared on her computer screen, she just knew this was where she needed to go. 

     Zoë turns off the shower and steps on the warm rug outside the cabin, after which she grabs a clean towel from the drying frame. For a second she glances at the stitched bullet wound next to her bellybutton, an injury which she suffered almost two days ago; it’s healing fine. With a second towel folded around her head and the other tightened around her chest, she walks out into the main room. It is a lot better than the previous motel; the colors are fresh and the room spacious. The furniture dissipates class, an abstract painting on the wall that could have been a Picasso only adding to that. 

     Now that the bad headache finally starts to fade, she can face the sunrise outside. Even though the temperature isn’t as high as it would be during July or August, the forecast hints for a lovely autumn day, even this late in the year. It’s just now that Zoë sees the cemetery in the distance. She chuckles; she sure picked her spot. 

     As she scans her environment, her thoughts wander off to Sam. She’s not exactly sure why she can’t stop thinking about him, but she has a hunch. Her dreams, his dreams, their dreams. Zoë was quite surprised when Sam mentioned he has been having nightmares, it got even weirder when she learned that he dreams about bad things happening to people, and it became scary when she realized his dreams actually come true. Familiar? Just a little, but not entirely, though. Sam apparently sees things that are about to happen, while she herself sees what already has. Zoë can’t help but wonder how it’s possible that two complete strangers have these visions, not to mention the chances of those two people meeting. Think about it; what if they are not the only ones?     A sigh escapes from her lips; there was a time that she could barely picture seeing the past or the future to be possible. What a weird world they live in. 

     She turns around and gazes at her messy bed for a moment. It seems to invite her back in and she would gladly like to crawl under those warm covers again and sleep some more. Then again, what’s the use if she’s going to wake up an hour later with the exact same images in her head, feeling just as horrible as she did a moment ago? She needs to charge her battery, though, able to count the number of hours she slept last week on two hands. No human being can keep this up, and if she wants to make good time on this case, she needs to be awake. 

     Contemplating, Zoë glances at the suitcase, custom made to fit the saddle bag of her Harley. After pulling the towel from her head and drying her hair with it, she tosses it on the bed and walks over. The huntress picks up the case and lays it on the bed, taking out her neatly folded clothes until she sees the lining. She folds back the seam, exposing a small zipper. Staring at the hidden pocket, she bites her lip. The doctor she was meant to be says she’s out of her fucking mind, but let’s face facts here: she’s running out of fuel. Just one line, she tells herself, taking out the little zip bag, containing a pinkish powder. Just to kick start this day and get this job over with.

     It’s not cocaine, nor is it meth; she’s not that suicidal. But a dose of amphetamine sulphate, otherwise known as speed, will give her the rush she needs and help her focus, despite the sleep deprivation. 

     Having done this numerous times already, Zoë takes the small mirror from the back of her suitcase and lays it down on the side table. She crushed the crystals at home already, powder taking up less space. Carefully, she tips what she estimates to be half a gram onto the reflecting surface, closing the bag before taking a scalpel blade and a short straw from the same secret compartment, tearing it out of the plastic. Skillfully, she chops the small particles and sweeps them into a line of about three inches with the blade. Holding one side of her nose closed and placing the straw up her other nostril, she positions the tiny tube at the end of the line and chases it, inhaling the drug swiftly. Zoë kicks back her head and takes a deep breath, feeling the chemicals prick between her eyes as her sinus cavity absorbs the amphetamines. She sniffles and wipes her nose, getting to her feet to clean up. 

     It will take a moment for the drugs to kick in, but when it does, she knows she will feel unstoppable and sleep will be the last thing on her mind. Deep down she’s walking a dangerous path, but isn’t that all she does? She’s a hunter for fuck’s sake; life doesn’t get more dangerous than that. Honestly, she stopped caring a long time ago. Death is inevitable, and with her lifestyle it’s going to be sooner than later. She might as well live on the edge and have some sweet nose candy along the way.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to reblog my work or buy me coffee (Link in bio at the top of the page)

Read chapter three here

#Supernatural: the Sullivan Series #Supernatural #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #Supernatural Series #Supernatural OFC series #SPN #SPN series #Dean Winchester series #Sam Winchester series #Dean series #Sam series #Dean Winchester fanfiction #Sam Winchester fanfiction #Dean x OFC #Sam x OFC #Dean Winchester x OFC #Sam Winchester x OFC #Zoë Sullivan #Dean angst #Sam angst #Dean Winchester angst #Sam Winchester angst #Kate Huntington

[jackbabewang]

Chapter 2 — Bad habits

Word count ‧ 3,730

Chapter summary ‧ You must be out of your mind to think that he actually cared.

Masterlist

You finally got your eyes to cooperate to stay open and looked up to see a silhouette of a man in very close proximity with you. Your heart leaped to your throat, suddenly remembered that you were in Yoonoh’s room. 

“Jung… Yoonoh,” you said his name in a faltering and trembling voice. You dared not to move and stared dumbly at him. The touch of his hand on your bare skin sent streaks of fire racing up and down your body. 

He seemed to hear your voice then his movements came to a complete stop. You felt his breath warm on your neck, heard his heavy breathing in your ear. 

“Keep going, or not?” he asked, his voice deeper than before, huskier, and filled with unspoken desire. 

Your nervous system shut down, but quickly came to life in a rush of heat. Your knees trembled and your stomach clenched. Your breath was uneven when your lips parted as if to say something, but nothing came out. It was intense and then suddenly he pulled back and lifted the blanket and made his way to the bathroom in the darkness. 

You had no idea what time it was when you woke up last night, but it was an absolute certainty that your eyes were wide smack open till the next morning. And after Yoonoh went into the bathroom, he had been out of his room since. Where did he go?

You dilly-dallied, slipped out of bed, padded to the bathroom and damn—your head was swimming with dizziness along with pounding from the two or three hours of sleep. You stood before the mirror, you could see the stark evidence of the episode from the night before—that your pyjamas looked a bit crumpled. You had no idea how you were going to face him any later. 

It was still early in the morning, not quite seven, your parents had not gotten up yet. All your clothes were in that room and you were afraid that you could not get in there at the moment. You remembered you had clothes hung outside that you washed yesterday and so you went downstairs to get a fresh set of clothes. 

Chop, chop, chop. Slice, slice, slice. The sound of the knife cutting through and landing against the wooden board drew you into the doorway, onto the threshold of the kitchen. Assuming your mother had woken up rather early. You opened your mouth—to call out “mom”—but the word was suddenly stuck in your throat as soon as you came eyeball-to-eyeball with the last person you wanted to see just then. You jolted with the shock and spun on your heels preparing to sprint away. 

“Come here.” 

The second after you whirled, Yoonoh called out to you faintly. Did he not feel awkward at all? 

Right, it was him who took advantage of you, how could he possibly feel awkward about it.

Reluctantly you turned back around, somehow keeping your face perfectly calm. “My! You’re up early today.”

He brought some thinly sliced spring onion into a small bowl, without any expression on his face he echoed, “When was I never earlier than you?”

Pfft! Only very slight bit, what’s there to be hoity-toity about?

“Wash your hands.” He commanded. 

“What for?” 

He did not answer but turned around to continue what he had been doing without giving a damn on you. On instinct you rolled your eyes and padded to the sink. You ran the water and held your hands under the stream, rubbing palm to palm as an indication whatsoever before turning off the faucet. Yoonoh swiveled his head rather abruptly and stared at your hands, “Wash with soap.”

It’s not like you’re a kid anymore, so what’s with the soap? Killing bacteria? You grumbled internally but not wanting to waste time and energy bickering over petty things so you had it his way and washed your hands once again with an antibacterial soap. 

As you dried your hands with soft strokes of the towel, Yoonoh pointed to one, two, three and four eggs in the basket then said, “Peel the eggs.”

After all that fuss made about hygiene, was it his germophobia acting up then? Only just peeling eggs and you thought he wanted you to knead a dough instead.

You obliged without uttering a syllable and with every murky shell that peeled off you felt your cheeks grew warmer. 

That… bared in its all glory… last night you shared a bed with someone as equally au naturel, and… 

Stop, stop! 

You became even more flushed than a minute ago, with bright red spots appearing on your cheeks. Yet Yoonoh noticed every detail with his sharpness as Hawkeye’s, giving no quarter that he pointed out, “What’s with your face matching the colour of pig’s blood early in the morning?”

He could’ve gone further exaggerating the metaphoricity; it would not hurt any less either way. 

Noticing your silence, he seasoned his remark with malice, “Or, you’re shy about what happened last night?” 

“Hmph,” he smirked, without another word he spun around and poured a little olive oil in the pan. 

Pervert. 

You did not want him to see your face, your embarrassed reaction to his comment so you could only turn your back to him as well and not pick an argument with him.

After breakfast, your parents had to catch the return flight back to Ulsan and so Yoonoh drove them to the airport. In wishing you goodbye, your mother held onto your hands, and over and over she was only concerned about Yoonoh that you might not take good care of him, leaving him to starve or freeze or wither up at leisure.

You were certain the woman standing before you was, indeed, not your biological mother. 

Until your parents had settled in at the boarding gate then you returned home. As Yoonoh drove past a grocery store, you suddenly remembered that you were out of toothpaste so you made him stopped by. 

Afraid that he might get impatient with waiting, you headed straight to the sales assistant for the placement of the product, impulsively grabbing a box of toothpaste and checked out at the counter. 

Right after you walked out through the automatic doors labeled “Exit Only” you saw an oh-so-slim sylph sashaying towards the direction of Yoonoh’s car. The man got down, apparently completely clueless what he said to her that the very next moment she was in the passenger seat. 

A message came in, signaled by the slight vibration of the device in your hand, from Yoonoh: Something came up, had to leave first. Get yourself a ride home.

He drove away and you watched until his car was out of sight. Gingerly you moved your thumbs over the screen, typing out a reply: Ok.

In the center of your palm laid a dull silver coin of 500won of the amount of change. It was cool and, weirdly, heavy. 

Five years ago, 500won would have taken you through the main areas of downtown of Seoul. But now, 500won worth nothing to what seemed to be the cheapest transportation in the entire world. 

During your summer break from middle school, you and your little companions would walk miles to travel around the city and returned on foot evening just to reserve that 500won for snacks. The distance of those journeys was never concerned, surprisingly you did not feel tired at all be it three hours, or that was because you were snacking along the way. 

But, as you grew older, and supposed to be tougher, thirty minutes of walking already had you feeling tired and panting, the soles of your feet hurt. 

It took you a little over an hour to walk back home from the airport. When you finally reached the front door and opened it, you could have just sit in the foyer and would not move a finger for hours on end. The fact that you made it into the house with persistence was enough to say that you were absolutely soiled. 

A wave of utter exhaustion overtook you, and eventually you felt sleepy so you took a quick shower and went to bed. Till five thirty in the evening, you woke up. For so long you slept it was the reason that you had not sleep a wink last night. 

You got up and filled yourself a glass of water. You gently raised your head high enough so you could drink without choking. The water was cool and refreshing and you sipped a few mouthfuls. You had not realized how thirsty you were, then your stomach grumbled, or how hungry. And so you made yourself a bowl of noodles then washed the breakfast dishes. 

Yoonoh was not home yet, you had no idea what had he been doing or where was he with Sooyoung, or he might not return even… 

Tidying up the living room after, dishwashing, you made your way upstairs again. Had you been sleeping all the afternoon through, you did not feel signs of drowsiness. 

Flipping through pages, reading passages randomly, yet you could not commit to reading the book in its entirety, so you pulled out your phone. 

Ever since you graduated from college, you had lost contact with many of your friends except for your dear Jennie. And you called her for long, giggly, pointless chats about the minutiae of life, not knowing when or how the conversation led to Yoonoh. 

Jennie: Honestly, about your marriage to him, it’s kinda unbelievable, but bound to happen.

Y: What was bound to happen? 

Jennie: Even though I don’t know him well, he seemed to be a cold person to me, it’s the truth. I couldn’t deny that I wasn’t shaken when I found out in high school that we have a senior that’s smart and so good-looking. But every single time when I greeted him he just ignored me, and I’m like ‘forget about it’ and moved on. 

Jennie: But then again, I’m not the only shameless one. A lot of girls tried to talk to him and got ignored, except you. Every time you walked past him and need not to say anything, his eyes went to you instinctively. 

Jennie: And I’d also realized that you’re the only person he talked to, that’s the only time his poker face showed expressions, which is why we’d all thought that out of all the women in the world, he’d choose you. 

Frankly speaking, Jennie transferred to different school in 12th grade, she had no idea of the presence of another. 

Y: Was his face like this every time he saw me? 🙄 This kinda expression was it? 😒 

Jennie: Dang, those two. Accurate!

Y: … 

And how did they even perceive that as signs of interest?

Jennie descended from a family of scholars, her father an archeologist while her mother a college professor, eventually their thinking was old fashioned—positively feudal. Watching their daughter of nearing thirty and had no male relation of potential son-in-law, they were undeniably concerned. 

When Jennie was still in New Zealand, never had they ever brought up the topic in their phone calls. However merely returned for a few days, the poor girl had been getting her ear chewed off. 

She grumbled, “Had I known it’s gonna be like this, I wouldn’t come back.”

Gloating over her misery, you pricked the bubbles of truth, “I guess your parents were afraid that you’ll find yourself a kiwi husband so they never pressed you about it. Now that they’ve coaxed you to come back, of course they’re gonna seize the opportunity to settle you down with a domestic spouse.” 

She banged her head against the table, “That’s racist, racist! Why’s my life so miserable?”

You lifted the cup of fresh coffee to your lips, blowing on it prior to taking a sip, not even trying to console her at this point. 

Your supposed “hang out” for the day was because of her desperately crying for help earlier in the morning that her parents had arranged a blind date for her. 

She had never done anything like that, which was why she was extra nervous and dragged you out from your house to be that… third wheel. 

The more she talked about it the more she grew restless and finally she slumped motionless on the table as if her body was hollowed out. You intended to remind her of her hair getting into the coffee, but before you could even speak up, a hand came out of nowhere and brushed out her messy strands. 

Assuming that it was you, she lifted her head and grabbed ahold of the hand, then as if feeling an unusual sensation, aggressively surprised, “Who are you?”

The hand belonged to a remarkably handsome man with dark eyes and hair; well behaved, very courteous, very well-mannered, radiating all—Jennie’s designated partner for the blind date. 

Maybe he was equally unfamiliar with the social engagement which he had also brought along a company as emotional support. 

Therefore, what was supposed to be a blind date for two, appeared to be for a pair now. 

Jennie’s partner, Kim Doyoung, came from a family of scholars as well; his friend went by the name Qian Kun, whose parents ran a small business. 

You were struggling to manage a conversation with Kun and at the same time observing the other two, seemed like she already had the urge to run for her life, meanwhile the man was more of a gentleman that there was no way for the usually bold Jennie to lie her desire to escape. 

As for the impression that Doyoung gave you… it was a positive that he had taken an interest in her. 

No no no, but the way he looked at Jennie was definitely like… he was gazing upon his lover.

It gave an indication that they had known each other for a long time. 

Interesting. 

Kun was untalkative, but he was polite, the kind of person that would only answer questions, not offer more and kept silent when not. Though he lent a sense of comfort and harmony, but lacked existence at the same time. Thankfully he was born charming that even when he did not speak, people would almost stop and stare at him. 

More than a little while at the cafe, Doyoung offered to buy dinner for everyone. Jennie had wanted to reject however under the supervision of her mother with a text message querying about their progress, she gritted her teeth and made it happen in case she would be having her parents breathing down her neck.

Doyoung only ate a little and then stuffing Jennie with so much food that it was visibly to you that she had lost patience with the man. 

It was yet the end, that you proceeded to the next round at a karaoke bar. Somewhat dubious that Jennie had reached the limit of her tolerance, or she intended him to retreat. Who used to have a wonderful singing voice was intentionally going off pitch, and picked a trot song that she belted out from deep within her soul. 

It was to the point that you, being a tone-deaf, could not help but grew annoyed at her awful singing. 

She was rather ferocious that night that she bitterly suggested to compete Doyoung in drinking. Clearly she was a lightweight but insisted the attendant to serve bottles and bottles of soju. 

Your eyes bulged in surprise as you stared at the dozen of alcohol, you contemplated warning her but out of the blue you registered the changing gaze of Jennie on Doyoung. 

She cracked open a bottle of soju and slammed it on the table with a loud smack. She looked at him provocatively, speaking, “If you get through me tonight, I’ll try to date you for good, deal?”

Both you and Kun gaped at the pair in silence. There was a ghost of a smile crossed Doyoung’s face then he reached over to snatched the bottle from her grip, “You don’t have to drink, I’ll finish all of these, as long as you don’t go back on your word.”

Next thing you all witnessed him drowning bottle to bottle, ravenously. Till the third bottle, he was unable to swallow anymore, clear transparent liquor escaped from the corner of his mouth. Jennie roared, “Don’t let it drip!” 

He shot a glance at her then ushered Kun to bring him another bottle. 

Kun said nothing, and did not bother advising him, without a word he fetched another dozen of soju. You watched him as a small smirk crept onto your face, Doyoung was discreet in choosing friends, you thought. 

Specifically how many bottles he had downed, you had lost count of it. He was completely wasted and could not even sit steadily. 

You could not bear to watch another moment more and wanted to convince Jennie to make him stop, but in that sense, it meant that she would have to raise the white flag and date him for real. But acknowledging the cruel fact that she had not had even a slither of interest in him, you gave up instead after multiple failed attempts. 

In a way everything just came to an end, there was not an outcome between Jennie and Doyoung. However on the way back, you could sense the bad omen in your friend. 

You kept your voice calm and neutral, but there was clear teasing in your tone, “That was a difficult one, seems like you can’t get rid of him any way.” 

Jennie went silent for a moment while she switched gears mentally, “At first I thought he was familiar but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly who he was until I saw that he was left handed during dinner then I suddenly remembered that he’s that douchebag Kim Dongyoung.” 

“Dongyoung? That sounds familiar.” You heard somewhere but could not remember the sudden recollection. 

She said, “During high school, the asshole that I had a crush on!” 

Now, hearing that from her own lips, you came to the sudden realization and a blurry silhouette of a guy popped inside your head. For quite a while that Jennie dated him in high school, later it was because the counterpart was tangled with another girl that they broke up after. Then Jennie went overseas, and the guy called Dongyoung vanished into thin air, nowhere to be found. 

“But why is he called Doyoung now?”

“It was some superstitious belief I guess. His family is weird.” 

“Seems like he was hoping to rekindle the past romantic flames. Do you still have feelings for him?” you asked. 

She answered disdainfully, “We were immature back then, I’d already lost whatever I had for him.” 

“To me it’s like he couldn’t forget about you though.” Honestly you could tell that she had not moved on entirely from him, otherwise how could she recognized him as the Dongyoung back then? 

“That’s his problem. I don’t dwell on the past, especially one that’s tainted.” When she spoke of the word ‘tainted’, she muttered between clenched teeth, which did not sound nice at all. 

You became silent then, not wanting to jog her through bad memories. However you could not help but be reminded of the diminishing figure of Yoonoh and Sooyoung that day as the distance between them increased by a yard per mile. Suddenly you could feel the morose mood within. 

Jennie drove you back home then buzzed off with a simple “goodnight”. You knew that she was definitely going for speeding down the road to get her mind off. 

From afar you had already noticed that the lights were on, for sure Yoonoh was home. When you made your entrance and changed your shoes, there you saw him on the couch. 

You were still sulky and resentful and bitchy so you decided to ignore him at the moment. You changed into your fluffy slippers and went straight for the stairs and up them. 

“Where have you been, why do you smell like alcohol all over?” He sat on the couch, suddenly threw a question with obvious ill judgement. 

Subconsciously you took a whiff of your own self, and retorted, “I didn’t drink.”

“What’s with the strong odor if you didn’t?”

“Probably when helping Doyoung…” you paused, previously you had made a mental note to ignore him at all costs, yet you were explaining yourself to him?

He sure knew how to pick up important points, “Who is Doyoung?”

You pursed your lips, had you wanted to explain to him, but questioned back instead, “Why do you care?”

His face went dark immediately, “You’ve been with that guy this whole day?”

“So what if I was?”

“It’s fine, but I have to remind you now that you’re labelled as me, Jung Yoonoh’s wife, you better not try something that puts me in shame,” he said, coldly. 

Oh, so that’s it?

What were you exactly wishing for? Doing this deliberately, intentionally to get him misunderstood. You sure were out of your mind. 

“Alright.” You were too tired to fight with him, mentally tired, honestly you had began to get tired of this lifestyle as well. Two people who lived under the same roof and seeing the same face every morning, day in and day out, yet always fighting and hurting each other every time when mouths opened that you basically did not speak the same language. It was indeed tiring. 

As if he never thought that you would be easily compromised this time that he was stunned for a second, and just continued what he had been doing with nothing said. You did not stay any longer and went upstairs. 

In fact, all these years you both had cared too much about pride which caused this constant tension and friction in between. 

When one attacked another, there would be horrible and awful words as defensive comeback. 

Those hurtful words would end up hurting yourselves anyway. If you did not went all out your way to maliciously hurt others, how would it lead to harsh and cruel retaliation in the other part? 

As long as one first backed down and admitted defeat, eventually the other would stop before going too far. 

Both adults knew that, yet no one had the courage to let go of their pride and ego. 

#nct scenarios #nct jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios

[carriagelamp]

March 2020 Book Review - Books To Quarantine With

You know, when I talk about wanting more time to read this isn’t REALLY what I was talking about. Anyway, here are some of the books I read this month and/or helped me stay sane during self-isolation

Belle Révolte

Quarantine Queer Reads! This is a book I’ve been excited about for ages, from one an author I love, and is definitely worth picking up if you like high fantasy, complex magical and societal rule systems, and queer ladies leading the charge. This was a bit of a prince and the pauper story, with the wealthy Emilie switching places with the lowborn Annette so that Emilie could run away from her finishing school and study noonday magic necessary to become a physician, and allowing Annette to take her place to study the delicate midnight magics at a wealthy school. Both end up getting embroiled in the societal and martial turmoil of their country. (Also, if you haven’t read it, go back and check out Mask of Shadows, Linsey Miller’s first duology!)

Calvin and Hobbes: Weirdos From Another Planet

Let’s be honest: this has been a stressful time for everyone. I have no idea what my job is going to look like next week, it’s a little terrifying, and sometimes you need something feel-good. So I pulled out my old Calvin and Hobbes books and have been rereading them relentlessly. As a kid, this one was always my favourite, and you know what? You are literally never to old for Calvin comics.

The Witcher: Season Of Storms

Took me some time to decide if this was meant to be read third or last in the Witcher series, but I finally decided to follow the advice to stick to chronology and read it third. I was glad I did! Season of Storms reads like a really really long short story somehow, and it was just a really enjoyable adventure. An entire plot based around Geralt losing his swords is hilarious to me, yet it managed to cram in all the philosophizing and emotion as the other stories so far. It’s a really impressive balance. Also there was lots of Dandelion trying to be helpful and Geralt Having Feelings so how can I not love it? Seriously, the Witcher novels are some of the best “classic high fantasy” novels I have possibly ever read, and they routinely make me incredibly emotional.

Sisters

A Raina Telgemeier book I hadn’t read yet. Like her others, this was a cute, heart warming story, this one focusing on families, siblings, and the importance of connection and bridging differences. I’ll be honest... not a lot of this stuck with me afterwards, I couldn’t tell you much about it now, but it was a very pleasant read at the time and the art in these books is always lovely.

Kristy’s Big Idea

Rather the same as above. It was a retelling of the first Baby-Sitters’ Club book in a graphic novel format. It was fine. I never loved this series as a kid, and I can’t say this adaptation is what made me fall in love with it.

No Fixed Address

A fantastic Canadian novel! This is a story that touches on the child homelessness crisis in Vancouver, and is about a boy who lives with his single mother. When his mother loses her job, they wind up needing to live in a van, as a web of complicated little lies weaves tighter and tighter around them. It isn’t as depressing as it sounds though! The book manages to be very goofy, light-hearted, and funny -- and over all optimistic! So while there were definitely bits that had me crying, it was over all a really enjoyable read. I would recommend, and this coming from someone who normally isn’t super into real-world fiction!

Bleach 7-9

I had taken some more Bleach books out of the library before this all hit, so I had plenty of time to get through them during this quarantine! Have to admit, these later books are a bit more meh than the beginning of the series, in my opinion. I’d never actually read this far into the series as a kid, and I can see why I stopped. It’s a bit more of a run-of-the-mill shonen fighter at this point. But I still love Ichigo and once the libraries reopen I’ll probably continue reading.

Candy Color Paradox

A manga that did not let me down. I absolutely adore this series -- and finding a yaoi series that actually feels like it has a really good, solid, interesting relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack. Since the couple has really already gotten together, there’s not much relationship drama in this book, and it’s more to do with the drama that comes from their jobs as reporters, and honestly it was very refreshing. I’m looking forward to the next book getting translated.

Kiki & Jax

I’d read Marie Kondo’s book, so when I saw that there was a picture book to I had to pick it up and check it out! It’s actually really cute! It’s a charming little way to introduce the importance of cleaning to children that’s a bit more relatable than just “because I told you to”, and provides some of the more practical, useful tips from Kondo’s book presented in a simple, visual format. It was lovely.

F in Exams

This is just a collection of some hilarious test answers. It takes about ten minutes to skim through but made me grin. Some are so clever you feel they should really just be given the point.

Five Nights At Freddy’s: Into the Pit

More FNAF? Yes. Listen, I’m not proud, but I was too curious after that first one not to dig deeper into this (hurr hurr) pit. This one isn’t a part of the same series, and is a much simpler collection of short stories. While Silver Eyes actually managed to be kind of intriguing and suspenseful, this was mostly just... annoying. Like bargain bin twilight zone episodes that vaguely had animatronics slapped into it. A barely dragged myself through it, and it was less than two hundred pages, though in fairness it’s also clearly written for a younger age demographic than Silver Eyes.

Deltora Quest: Special Edition 2 (volumes 5-8)

I’d read the first special edition earlier this year (books 1-4) and finally got around to finishing the series (or at least the first arc of it). Reading it as these big collected volumes is great, because it feels less like tiny little books, and more like chapters within a larger story. Honestly, Deltora Quest remains one of the my favourite series, and it did not become even a little less enjoyable to read as an adult. The characterization of the main characters is fantastic, and this author doesn’t shy away from putting her characters in truly horrifying situations that feel new and intense. Despite the premise being a classic (the characters are seeking the seven stones of the Belt or Deltora) Rodda creates really unique creatures, people, world building, and plot points.

#book review #book reviews #queer lit #canadian lit #deltora quest #belle revolte #linsey miller #season of storms #the witcher #calvin and hobbes #raina telgemeier #candy color paradox #five nights at freddy's #into the pit #marie kondo #manga #comics #graphic novels #bleach #no fixed address #susin nielsen

[sastiel-is-my-serotonin]

Home

(For those who are too lazy to look up the Sastiel story, which is honestly me, here it is.)

Walking into my room, I was tired and relieved to finally be clean again. That hunt that was probably nothing, ended up being more than we expected. Monsters starting armies to protect themselves from the Darkness. When the apocalypse was happening, no one cared, but now people care?

"Hey Cas, there you are. Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting your show?" I said realizing he was still watching tv, he paused the tv and shook his head.

"No, not at all Sam. Do you want me to leave?" This is the part I should've said yes, he was already getting up and everything, but I couldn't.

"No, no, you're good." I said smiling, I realized he wasn't wearing his trenchcoat, it was set on my dresser and that made me happy in a way. He was comfortable enough in my room, he let go of his security "blanket."

"Are you sure, Sam?" Cas asked still not sitting back relaxed how he was when I first came in here.

"Yeah, yeah, who says we can't share?" I said with a small shrug and got into bed, trying to ignore my heart beating faster than normal.

"I'm not in your personal space?" Cas asked still making sure I was okay with this, maybe he wasn't?

"Well you are, but I don't mind as long as you don't mind." I said giving him an out just in case.

"I don't. How did the hunt go?" Cas asked relaxing back how he was before I came in.

"It could've gone better. We found out more about Amara, she's growing faster than she should. Also monsters are also afraid of her. Sounds like we're having great odds." I said sacrastically with a sigh but looking at him it reminded me to thank him. Usually Dean is around and would bother me for that sort of thing, but he's not around, so now's the perfect time.

"Also thank you for you research, it really helped. If you didn't help we wouldn't have made it." I wanted to reach and touch his shoulder or something but decided against it.

"You're welcome, since I can't be in the field, I can at least help with research." Cas said tiredly, I could tell he was being hard on himself.

"Either way, you're always important to the team." I said with a small smile, hoping that would help.

"Because I'm useful?" Cas asked and I frowned.

"Well yeah, but also, you're family. You're important to us no matter what. We just want you to get better." I explained, after all these years, doesn't he understand he's important to us? Maybe I have to express that more. Dean sure won't, not unless he or Cas is dying.

"Good night, Cas." I said closing my eyes, I let go of a yawn I was holding back earlier, for some reason, this bed felt more comfortable than the last time I slept in it.

"Good night, Sam." Cas replied back, he unpaused the tv, I could hear him turning it down and smiled at his thoughtfulness. The smile stayed when I heard his soft laughter, perhaps I need to watch a show with him sometime.

__________________________________________

'Am I hugging someone?' I thought not wanting to open my eyes yet, barely moving my arm back a bit, it confirmed I was indeed holding someone. Who the Hell can I be holding? I opened my eyes out of curiosity, and heard the tv playing in the background. Last night. Last night, I didn't watch tv...But Cas did! I looked up and my suspicions were true, I was hugging Cas.

I've had a lot of embarrassing moments in my life, more than I can count. This has to be in my top five.

"Morning Cas." I said lips pressed together in an awkward smile. Cas a little amused by my predicament.

"Would you mind helping me out? I gotta use the restroom." I said which was a lie until I thought about it. We untangled from each other while I rushed to the bathroom.

Coming back in a more calm manner to the kitchen, Dean was laughing at me, I might've almost ran him into the ground on my way to the bathroom.

"Did you trust a toilet in your dream, Sammy?" He asked smirking, I rolled my eyes and got a cup of coffee. He was in his robe drinking his own cup.

"No. What are you doing up early?" I asked and he raised an eyebrow at me, pointing to a clock. It was 11 a.m. how the Hell did I sleep in that late? No wonder I had to pee.

"Are you feeling okay, Sam?" Dean asked seriously, putting his coffee down, and checking for a fever.

"I'm fine Dean, just having an off day..." I said making my way back to my room with my coffee.

__________________________________________

Feeling dead tired, I was bumping into things trying to make it into my room. I opened my door and almost fell on the ground. It didn't sound like a bad spot to sleep, maybe I could sleep there. However, gotta land the right way, concrete floor, easy way to get a concussion.

"Sam, are you okay?" Cas asked getting off my bed, aww he's still here. That's nice, Cas is a nice angel.

"Hmm? Yeah." I said leaning against the wall, just need a small break. My legs kept moving, I only knew since they bumped into my dresser. I felt two hands guide me to the bed. Which I relaxed into, I could smell, well me, and honey. Food sounds good.

"Sam, have you been drinking?" Cas asked, did I? Research, research, bad memories, drink, drink, more bad memories, research, drink, I guess I did.

"Maybe a lil bit." I smiled, which turned into a laugh, I felt a blanket being pulled over me. Soft, warm, Cas is soft and warm. He gives me butterflies inside!

"Mere!" I said opening my arms, I opened my eyes and saw Cas was debating if he should, instead he touched my forehead. I felt his grace moving, it was a nice cool refreshing thing, I frowned when I realized what he did. And what I did. If I wasn't so tired I would've gotten out of bed to think by myself, but even if Lucifer was here, I wouldn't leave this bed.

"I'm so sorry Cas. I haven't done that in years. That's, well embarrassing and stupid." I said with an arm covering my face, Cas didn't answer but I felt my shoes being taken off.

"Bad day?" Cas asked softly, I lifted my arm to look at Cas, he didn't look mad or irritated, he looked concerned.

"Yeah, I was researching, and I had my music on shuffle, stupid spotify started to play Heat of the Moment." I said, sitting up a bit, how did I let my emotions get the best of me?

"Logically I knew Gabriel wasn't here, he's dead. But I saw the date was Tuesday, and all logic went out the window." I explained, I could feel myself struggling to breathe. Just thinking of it, it's bringing it back.

"Then what?" Cas asked, sitting in front of me. I looked at him surprised when he held my hands, it was oddly enough, easier to breathe with him close by.

"I couldn't find Dean and decided to drink. Research how to get us out of this loop before Dean dies, and drank some more. It wasn't until Dean took my drinks away and I saw in was Wednesday that it clicked, I could go to bed. Dean sent me to bed, and, I can't believe I did that." I let out a humorless laugh, hours of research for nothing. Not only that, I wasted valuable time, for nothing.

"Sam, you watched your brother die over a hundred times, waking up to that song. It's expected to have moments like this, days like this. It's okay." Cas said bringing me into a hug, I felt tears threatening to form.

"It's been years, Cas. I've gone to Hell, I've seen worse than that. It shouldn't affect me anymore." I mummered into his shoulder.

"Sam, seeing worse doesn't take away from other traumatic experiences. This was a trigger, they happen. You are not in a loop. You and your brother are safe." Cas soothed, a few tears fell, and Cas just held me. Told me it was okay. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I know this, I know what he's telling me is true, but a part of me is telling me this is just a trap. I'm going to have to see Dean die a hundred times again.

"Cas, I just want it to go away. I hate Tuesday's. I hate that stupid song." I cried and he just held me tighter.

"Do you hate Gabriel?" Cas asked, at one point in time, it was a clear yes. How could I not? Years passing, new trials and tribulations, I didn't.

"No. I just hate those memories." I mummered into his chest, I didn't realize I had my head buried into his chest.

He laid us down, and was running his fingers through my hair.

"If I could take them away, I would." Cas whispered, I didn't say anything back, I stayed wrapped in his arms, as he lulled me to sleep.

__________________________________________

I woke up, wrapped in someone's arms once again, this time I was aware it was Cas. I didn't want to get up, I wanted to stay like this all day, but because of yesterday's episode, I wasted a lot of valuable time.

I started to pull away from Cas, he looked down at me, and seemed hesitant to let go.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently, I nodded, and he loosened his grip.

"Cas, I have to use the restroom." I said, he let go complety, but it looked like he had more to say.

I didn't have to go as bad as yesterday, so no rushing into Dean. I didn't bother going in the kitchen, instead I went back to my station.

I cleared all of yesterday's notes, threw them away, and started fresh. Barely a page in, Cas came in and sat across from me.

Wordlessly he picked up a book and a pen. I went back to work, we spent hours like this, silently taking notes.

Dean came in every now and again, bugging me to eat, I kept saying I would soon, right after I was done with the page I was on.

After the sixth time, Cas got up and went to the kitchen. He came back a few minuted later with a salad. He placed it in front of me and went back to working. Dean thanked Cas on his way out, and only returned to take my dishes, and hand me some coffee.

When I could barely keep my eyes open, and my notes became scribbles, I knew I had to go to bed. Cas noticed and set his book aside, and helped me to bed.

"Thank you." I mumbled as he set me on my bed. He nodded and covered me up. I thought he was going to go back to researching since he left the room, but instead he came back a few minutes later and got into bed next to me. My eyelids were heavy, I wanted to look at Cas one more time and tell him goodnight, but I didn't have any energy left.

__________________________________________

I woke up holding a body once again, I looked down to see Cas, whose eyes were closed for once. It threw me off, I tried to pull away but Cas held onto my arms.

"Cas-"

"You don't have to pee." Cas said, clearly awake, but his eyes remained closed. Did he use his grace to- Don't want to think about it.

"Stay." Cas ordered, as much as I wanted to, I still needed to do more work.

"Cas, I can't stay in bed all day." I said and he looked up to face me, eyes opened now.

"You can, and you will until I feel you are well rested. You won't take care of yourself properly, so I will. I've already told Dean not to bother you. If he wants research done, he can do it himself. You need rest." Cas said before turning around, eyes closed once again.

I sighed and got comfortable, his grip was too tight to wiggle out of. I closed my eyes, and felt myself starting to fall asleep again. Besides, it's what Cas wanted, and it seems like it's the only way to get out of this later.

So what if I rested my head on his shoulder, it was comfortable. Cas is comfortable. He feels like home.

__________________________________________

I woke up feeling lazy, I looked at Cas who was looking at me. He pushed my hair out of my face.

"You talk in your sleep when you're stressed." Cas said, I frowned, what did I say?

"Did I tell you anything important?" I asked, it wasn't the real question I wanted to ask, but it was the only question I could ask without stuttering.

"Yes." Cas answered, I looked at him expectantly but he didn't say anything further. I suppressed a groan.

"What did I say?" I pushed and he stopped to think, I could've said anything, from my crush on him, to dirt I have on Dean.

"Words I have been considering." Cas finally said, I felt like pulling away and getting coffee, something I needed to have patience right now.

"Your conclusion?" I asked, his eyes went from my eyes down to my lips, back up to my eyes.

"My conclusion? I now know why I saved you while you were in the cage." Cas started, looking at me in a certain way, I couldn't place it.

"Why I feel the need to protect you, before I protect myself. Why I wish you could see the good in you, and wish you cared more about yourself." He paused for a second, looking down, before looking back up to continue.

"Why I long for you when you're not around. Why my bond with you is different than my bond with Dean. I don't know when, but somewhere along our friendship I fell in love with you. I thought it was just a feeling of jealously, or my love for humanity, but it never felt that simple. I love you, or at least what I believe is love." Cas answered, I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I let it go.

"That is my conclusion. What is yours?" Cas asked, his eyes begging me for a similar answer. I let go of him with one hand so I could hold his hand.

"My conclusion? I fell in love with you ages ago. I have done my best to hide it, to pretend I don't feel this way about you. But everytime I'm around you, I feel at home. There's only one other person in this world who I feel like is home, but it is so much different with you." I said not knowing what else to say. I've imagined this a million times over, but it is always me confessing first, and most of the time Cas doesn't say anything back, he just goes for the kiss. The only way I know this is real is because I pinched myself already.

"Sam, can I kiss you?" Cas asked, I nodded. Before my mind could guess how it would feel to kiss him, his lips were on mine.

They were a bit rough, but the kiss wasn't, it was slow and calm. Almost as if he wasn't sure if I was really okay with this. I started to bite his lower lip, and he got the memo, he flipped us so I was on my back, and it seemed as if all his resistance and patience went out the window. It was now rough, and passionate, I kept up with the pace, years and years of pent up tension flowed through. I didn't want it to end just in case this never happened again. I flipped us onto his back, and I knew it was getting harder to breathe but I didn't want to pull away. Not until I absolutely had to.

When I did pull away, I was panting along with Cas, wanting to devour his lips once again. I heard a knock on the door, before it opened.

"About time, Sam I'm making burgers. Cas, I'm making one for you to." Dean said closing the door again, I looked back down at Cas and smiled.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked this time, he croaked out a yes, and I captured his lips again. It was tender this time, more of a "I love you" rather than a lustful kiss like the first one. I smiled when he brought his hands up to cup my face, if this is a dream, I never want to wake up.

Pulling back slowly, I rested my head on his, catching my breathe. I slowly rolled off of him, and looked up at the ceiling dazed like. I knew I had a dumb cheesy smile on my face, but I couldn't help it.

"I should've told you my feelings ages ago." Cas said, I looked over at him, he had a similar expression to mine and I smiled a bit bigger.

"I love you." It came out of my mouth without permission but I didn't mind, not when Cas came closer again, and repeated the phrase.

"Kiss?" He asked gently, I never knew how much I would love hearing him ask for kisses until now. It is so much better than him just kissing me.

"Yes." I said, we kept exchanging kisses, some were slow, and soft, but many were fast paced, animalistic like. No matter the kiss, I enjoyed every single moment. The only moment I hated was Dean pulling us out of the room to celebrate. But even then the smile on my face wouldn't leave.

#sastiel #sastiel fic #a story I wrote that i don't hate? #what? #no way! #hopefully you like it #there could always be more sastiel stories #also thank you to everyone who helped me find more sastiel stories i love you guys

[anerdinallherglory]

Approaching Sun (24)

Author’s Note: Surprise! New chapter out much, much earlier than I had anticipated. 10 pages, too. Everyone should thank these reviewers: brenda sianipar, theborutosdadtrashanime, mcornilliac, caroacunas, LIMH, Crystalstarize, and rivercocytus because they have been pretty consistently, if not always, reviewing or commenting on this story. I have been a slow roller with Approaching Sun, especially in taking too long with the whole romantic progression, and there have been several times when I thought it’s just going to take too long to write this properly and I just don’t have that sort of time anymore. So thank you guys, because your support has kept me wanting to finish this story. And to everyone else who takes time out of their day to show their support, I’m doing it for you!

P.S. Sasuke will make an appearance shortly, I promise <3 It’s time for my girl to shine!

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23

Chapter 24: Sicknesses

When Sakura spotted Isao slouching tiredly in an olive chair across from the welcoming desk, she almost stumbled in her happiness. Across the room, she offered the boy a friendly expression as he met her direct gaze and he blushed shyly and looked away from her and down at his feet. When she announced his name to come back, the boy nervously rubbed his wrists as he stood and then placed his hands behind his back in a manner of such mature politeness that had Sakura smiling widely at him. As they walked to the exam room, Isao continued rubbing at his wrists and Sakura frowned at the behavior because it was the first time she was seeing him do so.

“Is everything okay, Isao?” Sakura asked, wondering why he was suddenly exhibiting nervousness in her presence. Just like today, Isao had been weary when she saw him last, but this time, his tiredness didn’t hide the anxiety.

“Yes ma’am,” he responded after a second’s hesitation. Sakura had the gut wrenching feeling that everything was notokay. When they entered the assigned room, Mako was waiting for them with the child’s chart; Sakura assumed this meant he wanted to be present for the child’s examination. After checking vitals, she wasted no time before diving into the assessment.

The child was half-asleep by the time she finished checking his blood pressure and Isao snapped awake when she spoke.

“We missed you yesterday, but I am glad that you could make it today.”

To Sakura’s disappointment, Isao only nodded and did not offer up any more information, so Sakura tried a different question. “How have you slept the past couple of nights?”

Isao yawned ironically before saying, “Not good. I’ve had an episode each night.” The boy looked away from Sakura then, embarrassed, as if admitting this truth to her was shameful in some way. Sakura looked more closely at his facial features, noting the dark circles under his eyes. It wasn’t just that he was waking up in the middle of the night; from the looks of those dark eyes and his exhausted state, it seemed he was staying awake throughout the night.

Sakura wanted to immediately send him home to get more rest, but she was afraid that if she did so, she might not get him back to the clinic again. The child was practically falling asleep in the chair across from her and when she asked questions, he’d rub his wrists nervously. She noted how they were starting to chafe now but had been untouched during his last visit. This was a new behavior, which told Sakura that there was a new variable to this sleepless situation.

“Isao,” Sakura asked, casually writing this observation down on a clipboard on the counter beside her, “It says on your record that you had a sleep study done with us. Who did this study?”

“I did,” he replied immediately, “Or, well, my dad did after we were shown how.”

Sakura couldn’t help but look over at Mako who narrowed his eyes too at the child’s words. Isao’s primary care physician hadn’t told them that the sleep study was self-performed. When Mako had finally found Isao’s doctor, the man said that “stress” had been the deciding factor because the sleep study had ruled out other medical factors. Sleep studies were sometimes done this way, but in this particular case, Sakura believed that it was necessary for herto complete another. Maybe removing him from his home for a night would help the child sleep anyway.

“Isao,” she began, already making up her mind about the situation. “Would you like to stay here for the night? We need to do another sleep study in this facility with our doctors.”

The child’s eyes widened, and he gawked at her as if she had just requested him to commit murder. He stumbled over his words as sweat began to bead on his forehead. “I don’t... uh... think so,” he stuttered, “I don’t think that would be… good. My dad,” he began, but then stopped himself instantly.

After a minute of not receiving anything else from him except shaking, Sakura made eye contact with Mako, silently communicating to him her wishes. Sakura wouldn’t force Isao to stay, but she wanted to emphasize the importance of the suggestion. But if Isao was displaying such nervous behavior around her, then perhaps this negative response to the idea was because of her too. She was a foreign ninja after all; maybe there was mistrust there. Isao did mention something about his father. Maybe if Sakura stepped out of the room for a moment, Mako could help him understand. As if reading her thoughts, Mako nodded and Sakura stood to leave.

“I’ll be right back,” she spoke softly. “I’ll give you a few minutes to decide while Mako-san finishes up your chart.”

Again, Isao bowed without a word. He only continued to rub his wrists and tap his foot. Sakura frowned to herself and exited.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A message had been sent to Isao’s absent father after Mako was able to convince Isao that an overnight stay was in his best interest. Mako had informed her that the child had been anxious at first for unknown reasons, but Mako had explained to the adolescent that Isao would barely see them during the night; they just wanted to re-check his heartrate, blood pressure, and breathing while he slept. When insured with a good night’s sleep, the child finally conceded.

Sakura had Mako write down everything during the conversation, so she could look at it on her own later. The child was definitely stressed, but Sakura couldn’t yet pinpoint why. Maybe these notes would help her put some puzzle pieces together.

In the meantime, she prepared a room for Isao in the children’s clinic. Sakura had helped pick the design for these rooms. She had explained to Gaara and the other head medics that it would be best to have quarters that didn’t look like the exam rooms in the hospital. Children were often afraid of hospitals, so Sakura described that these apartments should be made to look like common Sunagakure living spaces that these children were used to seeing frequently. It was always best to help kids feel like they weren’t in a medical facility. When the decision was unanimously in favor of this idea, Gaara had ordered it to be so and had toys and book shelves brought in. They decorated these rooms as calmly as they were able: flowers in a large windowsill, white curtains and matching bedspread, a Sunagakure rope rug on the floor, and small pastel paintings of the village on the walls. Besides the newly invented machinery in the corner needed for medical purposes, the rooms were relaxing and varied slightly depending on age.

Isao’s room, one of the bedchambers for young adolescents, had books with legends and entertaining stories instead of small toys; even in the Leaf, Sakura wanted the spaces to be free from historical documents or anything else that might trigger an emotional disturbance due to the warring past. Sakura wanted children to feel like regular kids when they were here, because most of the time, it was the shinobi life that was affecting them in some way.

Sakura believed this might be true for Isao as well. The child of 11 was beginning to pursue being a ninja here in Sunagakure. Maybe it was this change that was causing Isao anxiety. If his mother had died in the war, maybe he associated her death with the ninja way of life; perhaps his father pushed him toward this goal. This was all speculation of course, but Sakura didn’t have much to go on here; she hoped she’d learn more during Isao’s stay.

Mako had escorted Isao to his room and told him to make himself at home. When Sakura had brought him dinner, the nervous behavior began again so she set the tray down and departed quickly with a kind smile.

“He’s cautious of me, I think,” she told Mako after making her way down the two stories of stairs and back into the reception lobby.

Mako looked up from his work at the tall, ivory counter with an expression of worry. “No miss, I’m sure it’s just nerves.”

Sakura leaned over the counter next to him and reached for a small jug of water that had been given to her at the beginning of the day. She took a long drink of refreshing water before replying dejectedly, “He only displays that jumpy behavior when I’m near.”

Mako started to shake his head, but Sakura waved a hand in dismissal. She knew Mako was just trying to reassure her. The entire staff treated her as if she were a miracle worker and Mako didn’t want her upset while she was working with them. Perhaps he was afraid that she might not return again after she departed Sunagakure, or maybe it was because she was a guest of the Kazekage’s. Or, she thought again, he just genuinely liked her and didn’t want her to feel out of place here.

“I have a suspicion that it might be because I’m not from this village,” she announced, tapping her fingers on the counter in thought. “Do we know anything about his family? Their sentiments towards other villages or outsiders? Anything about his mom?”

“I will look into it immediately, Miss,” Mako replied, and then with a comforting beam, announced, “I am certain that the boy will warm up to you soon.”

Sakura wanted to tell him he wasn’t being much help while trying to spare her feelings, but she only grinned back in return as he worked.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This was day three in Sunagakure, and Sakura’s routine was still rather busy. After dinner, Isao sat up in bed trying to read a book despite how tired he was. Mako stopped by in the hours between sunset and nightfall, making sure the machinery was functioning properly in preparation for his sleep. From what Sakura was witnessing in the brief check-ins she was conducting on the youth, he appeared to be much like a toddler that was fighting sleep. Sakura sent Mako in before seven o’clock with some hot tea that Sakura hoped would soothe the boy. He wouldn’t drink it, but the pink-haired medic refused to try the sleeping concoction she had made for Isao. She didn’t want to try anything new until after the study was completed; using it now would hurt their efforts instead of helping because they needed to observe his typical sleep habits, however bad they may be.

While Sakura waited for Isao to fall asleep, she worked with the machine expert to monitor the data that was being sent to a very large box that took up an entire wall in the observation room. The device was printing out various numbers on ivory pieces of paper that the machine was spitting at her feet. All these numbers were telling Sakura what she needed to know about Isao’s sleep such as his sleep stages, body and eye movements, oxygen levels, and breathing rate. Mako was by her side throughout the entire process and collected and organized the papers for her while she evaluated some new information Mako had gathered for her.

Mako had investigated Isao’s family through sources in the village and Sakura went over his hand-written notes after he had explained them to her. Both Isao’s father and mother, Tokoro Souta and Tokoro Rina, were shinobi in the last war. Souta, Isao’s father, had been injured during the war but had made a recovery. Rina, on the other hand, had been one of the many that had lost their lives in the war. Sakura wracked her brain desperately for any recognition of the name. If the Sand kunoichi had been sent to Sakura in the war to be healed, wouldn’t Sakura have seen her? Or for that matter, if Souta had been healed, perhaps Sakura had treated him in the war. Both of the names were unfamiliar to her; Sakura had helped thousands of patients in the war.

The longer that Isao fought his sleep, the more concerned Sakura became. It was almost like he was afraid to sleep; didn’t want to sleep. Maybe he had lied to her about dreaming during the night terrors. Perhaps he did in fact have nightmares that he didn’t want to face. Nightmares of his mother? Something else?

Sakura decided that the child needed to be reassured considering that he might be fearful, and so she made the two-story climb and knocked lightly on his door. Mako had insisted on coming with her, but she asked him to stay behind to evaluate any data her interaction with him might reveal.

“Isao?” she called softly, “Do you mind if I come in?”

“No ma’am, please come in.” Sakura recognized the hitch in his voice and resolved herself to be patient and kind to this confused child who treated her with such uneasiness.

“Isao,” she began, pouring him a cup of tea from the kettle that he had yet to touch, “we cannot help you if you refuse to sleep. Why are you frightened?”

Without a second of hesitation, the child asked, “Is my dad here?”

“No,” she responded calmly despite being taken aback by this question. “He is not.”

“Does he know that I am here?” he asked immediately after her response.

Sakura couldn’t help but tilt her head at his concern and answer honestly, “We sent him a notice that said you were going to stay with us tonight. He hasn’t responded.”

Isao began rubbing his wrists again, and whispered, “He won’t like that I am here.”

“What do you mean?” Sakura inquired quickly, worried that he might shut down at any moment.

“He won’t like that I am in a hospital. It means that I am being ‘weak.’”

Sakura’s motherly instincts kicked in at this confession, and she couldn’t help but reach towards him. She felt foolish the moment she did so, because Isao pulled back from her in terror and flinched as if she might do him harm.

Raising her hands in front of her in apology, Sakura did something that she recurrently did in circumstances like this. Instead of leaning towards him in a chair, she adopted a spot on the floor, a tactic to make her appear less threatening and more humble. Frequently, when people are anxious, having someone stand over them or talk down to them—even if that person is being humane—causes more involuntary stress for the individual. It was a basic, inherent instinct that many people weren’t even aware was in play. Touching or any sort of physical contact would also not work for comfort. When Sakura witnessed children have negative reactions to certain behaviors, it was often safe to conclude that they were reacting negatively because they were recognizing the pattern of behavior that lead up to the treatment they were often used to receiving. Sakura realized that Isao must have often dealt with someone of authority standing over him and possibly engaging in bodily contact. This meant that in order to reach him, Sakura would have to do the exact opposite of that.

She crossed her legs, leaned her back against the side of his bed, and broke eye contact. She yawned and took a drink from the glass of tea that she had offered to him. She could feel the shock radiating off of Isao at her unusual behavior, and so she decided to address his confession and wait for him to make the first moves of opening up.

“You know Isao,” Sakura began, taking another calming sip of tea, “There are many sicknesses. Sicknesses of the body and many sicknesses of the psyche, or a person’s mind. And it certainly doesn’t mean that you are weak.”

“Really?” he murmured tiredly in question at the back of her head.

“Actually, it means the opposite,” she continued, “It means that life has dealt you something that others do not have to struggle with and that battle makes you stronger. You are having to fight every day against something that many people are free of.”

There was a small silence before Sakura recognized the clinking of the teapot behind her. Sakura smiled as she heard Isao finally reached for the kettle at his bedside and poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid. He reached over her shoulder for her cup too, refilling it to the brim before handing it back to her.

When he readjusted himself on the bed, Isao sat with his back against the headboard and admitted, “You remind me of my mom. Before she died, she was compassionate like you. And knew a lot about things.”

Sakura briefly made eye contact again, just long enough to show him her sympathy, and then looked back into her tea as she replied to that statement with: “I am sorry that your mother died in the war. She must have been a very brave woman.”

“She was,” he confirmed after taking a very long drink of tea and leaning his head back against the headboard.

Sakura took her chance to say something else before the effects of the tea took its course on his body; he was so very tired, and it wouldn’t take much of the hot beverage to lull him into a doze. “Just like sicknesses of the body,” she began, “sicknesses of the mind are sometimes caused by something. Our bodies fight against viruses, against things that it has been exposed to.”

In her peripheral vision to her right, Sakura could see him nod in understanding. She continued. “We want to help you, Isao. But to beat a sickness, we have to figure out what it was caused by.”

Sakura paused, but there was no answer. She kept her head down as she asked calmly, “Do you know what’s making you have these terrors? What is making you sick, Isao?”

She waited a long a minute, a very long minute. Sakura almost thought that the boy had fallen asleep. When the kunoichi rotated her back to look at him, she realized that she was mistaken. There were silent tears sinking down his cheeks and a few of them dribbled into his half-empty cup. Through his shaking sobs, the boy choked out the words: “My father.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura was able to get the rest of the information out of Isao before he slipped weepily into slumber. The child hadn’t rested in two days. His father had punished Isao for going to the hospital on his own for his night terrors by keeping him awake. Souta had articulated to Isao that if he reallywanted to be cured, then he just wouldn’t sleep at all and had forced the child to stand awake the previous two nights. It was why Isao hadn’t arrived at his appointment yesterday; he hadn’t wanted to make his father angrier. The child had changed his mind this morning, it seemed.

Isao had also confessed to her that his father hated Leaf Shinobi. This particular detail explained why the 11 year old had displayed concerning conduct when she was near. Before she parted from the room, Isao said, “My father believes that the last war was Konoha’s fault. If the Kazekage hadn’t been so close with the ninja called Naruto, then Sunagakure wouldn’t have gotten involved and Lord Gaara wouldn’t have played as big of a part as he did. He blames the Leaf for mother’s death.”

Everything was beginning to make sense to Sakura now. Everything except the night terrors themselves. If Isao believed that his father was making him sick, then in what way? Obviously, his father was the stressor in his life, but the unjust discipline that Isao received was after the night terrors began. Sakura supposed that it didn’t really matter in regard to finding the cause; however, in order to develop a treatment, she would need more information.

The last thing Isao confessed before slipping into sleep, was that, “When he finds out, my father will come to get me. He knows about you and that you are a Leaf medic. You must not let him see you Miss, or my punishment will be worse.”

Over my dead body, Sakura thought to herself. She wanted to offer this man a piece of her damn mind. She wanted to give him a thrashing that he deserved for treating his son in such a beastly way. But Sakura had to remind herself that it wouldn’t be uncommon for resentment to exist after the war, especially concerning lost loved ones. Oh, she’d be ready when he came. He would either have to talk to her—or fight her if he tried to penalize Isao for seeking medical attention. It was time for peace to begin for everyone: children and adults.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura had stayed up all night to conduct Isao’s sleep study. The terror had happened early on and witnessing the episode broke Sakura’s heart. There was no dreaming that occurred according to the data; the attack happened in NREM sleep where dreaming did not occur. Isao had not been lying about not recalling dreams. Mako had insisted that they let the night terror run its course, so they could have the most complete data, but after 10 minutes of non-stop screaming and thrashing, Sakura concluded that it had been long enough for their purposes.

When she finally woke him, Isao clung to her and sobbed afterwards, questioning her repeatedly “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” and Sakura had rocked him back and forth, whispering soothingly that nothing was wrong with him and she would figure this all out; she would make the terrors stop.

Sakura realized after she positioned him back down on the bed and secured the blanket around him, that perhaps he was always punished for these episodes after they happened and never got any real sleep. Sakura decided to sit next to him on the floor for the rest of the night, holding his hand as he fell back asleep. The night terror didn’t come back.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When she woke the next morning before sunrise, Kankuro was crouching down in front of her grin`ing. Mako peered down at her too, standing just behind Kankuro’s shoulder. Sakura realized that she must have fallen asleep here on the rug beside Isao’s bed. The child’s arm hung off the bed, his fingers brushing the rug where Sakura’s own hand had been. They had held hands with each other and had let go at some point in the night as Sakura, too, had fallen asleep.

Kankuro was whispering something to her, obviously not wanting to rouse Isao too. When he offered her his hand, Sakura took it appreciatively, allowing the puppet-master to raise her onto her feet. When the door was closed behind them, Mako passed a mug of Sunagakure coffee to Kankuro, who in turn, fit it snug in-between Sakura’s sleepy palms as if he had done so a thousand times.

“You really do over-do it don’t you?” Kankuro probed entertainingly, tossing her a laugh over his shoulder as they made their way down the stairs to the lobby. One of the female medics—a well-mannered young girl named Hisa that reminded Sakura of her own apprentice Kirai—fetched the kunoichi a chair.

After she planted herself onto the stool with another yawn, she groggily explained to Kankuro what she had been up to recently and even articulated to him everything she had learned about Isao. This included the treatment he was receiving at home and his father’s sentiments towards Konoha. Kankuro frowned, clearly forming a mental picture of the man described.

“The man you speak of was sent on a mission just yesterday,” Kankuro informed her, “I’ll let the Kazekage know what you have found out about this situation. He might not be able to change that man’s opinions about the Leaf, but he certainly won’t tolerate abuse. In the meantime, let’s keep the boy here until his father returns.”

“Yes, sir,” Sakura promised him, somewhat hopeful for the boy’s future. At least something would be done about this.

Kankuro crossed his arms as he turned to lean his back against the counter beside her. “I came to tell you that I am being dispatched on a mission of my own just outside of the village. I’ll be gone for a couple of days and wanted to make sure that you would be okay here without an escort.”

“Oh,” Sakura started, “I’ll be fine. I’m in my element here.”

“I can see that,” he replied in kind, standing and making for the exit. “We cannot tell you how thankful we are for the role you have played in our facilities.”

Sakura smiled in response but then scowled when Kankuro placed a hand on Mako’s shoulder and proclaimed, “I’m passing duty on to you. Make sure she rests please.”

Sakura wanted to say, “hold on just a minute” but the words couldn’t come out before Mako bowed with a “Sir!” and Kankuro left with a slight wave.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura spent the day checking on Isao. It seemed that the child needed to catch up on a lot of sleep apparently, because at noon, he was still out of it. Sakura didn’t dare wake him. If he was in deep sleep, Sakura would not disturb that since the REM sleep cycle was free from terrors.

Isao had been right about his father, because at around four o’clock, Satou made his intense appearance. Mako had been updating Isao’s chart while Sakura demonstrated how to create gelatin capsules and pack them with herbs to create “prescriptions” that patients could take home. Sakura had packed twenty-four pods with powdered chamomile, valerian root, and magnesium, all of which would help Isao sleep and hopefully help the boy pass on to REM sleep more quickly; maybe they could try it while Isao was staying at the clinic, so she could observe the medicine’s direct effects for herself.

Just as she finished labeling the prescription bottle, Satou slammed open the doors of the children’s mental health clinic. Seeing Hisa first, Satou growled and made a beeline for her, shouting, “WHERE IS MY SON?”

Hisa, the youngest staff member of the clinic, gaped up at the man in astonishment as he bellowed down at her. Sakura had always been respectful and polite when talking to her elders and had wished that when she did finally encounter Satou, she would be able to receive the man with some civility. But witnessing him charge in with the same mannerisms she had been envisioning him using with Isao, made something in the kunoichi snap. Sakura was usually the calm and collected one in situations like this, but when it came to children, inner-Sakura sometimes took the stage. Sensing this shift in attitude, Mako instinctively placed himself in front of Sakura, but Sakura scooted him out of her way and yelled back, “If you’ve got a problem, you take it up with me!”

When Satou revolved his head in her direction, a glower permanently stitched to his face, and stomped his way over to her, Sakura bared her teeth in response. What a bully! How could such a mature, kind-hearted child come from such a terrible person? Sakura tried to get a grip by reminding herself that this man too had been affected by the war. Maybe things had been different before the death of his wife. Maybe he used to be a loving father to his son and a caring husband to Rina.

Or maybe not, Sakura thought as he came to stand over her, steam practically coming out of his nostrils and curling across the planes of her cheeks. Sakura squared her shoulders and glared back at him with equal venom, saying nothing with words but with body language alone. Sakura had faced giants; had defeated foe after foe in the Fourth Shinobi World War and had even stared into the eyes of Kaguya herself; she sure as hell wasn’t afraid of him. Sakura would be damned if she let this man past her and up the stairs to where Isao slept.

She noted suddenly how Mako and the other staff stood around them in a semi-circle, ubale to be anything but spectators as the two ninja narrowed their eyes at one another. Sakura wouldn’t be harassed by him here. How could she ever expect Isao to stand up to this jerk, if she didn’t model that now?

“Sir,” she bit out between teeth, “I suggest you have a seat, so we can talk.”

A big meaty finger jabbed her in the chest, hard enough to bruise, but Sakura didn’t flinch. The fury and hatred in Satou’s voice rang in her ears as he snarled, “I want my son back NOW, and I’m not going to talk to a Leaf Village bitch about it either.”

Sakura was tempted to break the man’s fingers that dug sharply into her chest. She could feel the chakra vibrating beneath her skin in response to her own emotions, but she tried to stay level-headed; she really did, but her inner-self was cursing in rage at this sort of disrespect. Thankfully, Sakura didn’t have to teach him a lesson because someone else broke his fingers for her.

Blinding sand abruptly encased the man’s fingers that were jabbing into Sakura’s collar bone. The crack was the sound that precluded Satou’s blood-curdling scream at the sudden unexpected pain of his joints being popped out of place. The brute of a ninja fell to his knees in pain.

Sakura spun to see Gaara, the Kazekage dressed in all his regalia, standing in the entrance of the clinic, his voice unusually calm despite the wrath that flashed in his eyes. “Touch her again,” he drawled in that raspy voice of his, “and you’ll have more than your fingers to worry about.”

“Lord Kazekage,” Satou hissed out through his pain. “This woman--she took my son--”

“From my report,” Gaara interrupted collectedly, “your son came here on his own looking for medical attention.”

Satou regained himself and stood up straight despite still holding his injured hand. He started to say something, but the Kazekage spoke again. “Sakura, Sunagakure’s honored guest, was generous enough to treat your son personally and has gone above and beyond for him. The only thing you should be doing is thanking her.”

But Satou did not thank Sakura. He glared at her instead, a look of more malice than he had shown her a second ago.  

Sakura expected the refusal to enrage Gaara; it certainly would have made Naruto fuming mad. Naruto would have twisted his face up and pointed a finger Satou’s face with impractical threats. But like many kage, Gaara was wise and had quickly checked his emotions, reigning with calm again in this situation. Sakura knew the type of Kazekage that Gaara was. He certainly wouldn’t allow Satou to treat her with insult (that’s what the broken fingers were for), but he didn’t have to use fear to govern his people or keep them in order. Gaara had proven himself over and over again to the citizens of Sunagakure and they loved him for his sacrifices and devotion. They also knew of his unmatched power and skill, and as a whole, respected him as their leader.

Even though Isao had told her about Satou’s particular feelings toward the Kazekage, Satou did not hesitate to obey when the Kazekage ordered, “Have a seat like she asked, Satou. We need to talk.”

#approachingsun #approaching sun #ssfanfiction #sasusaku #sasusakufanfiction #naruto fanfiction #Naruto Shippuden #sasuke shinden #sakura hiden #Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Haruno #sakura uchiha #sasuke and sakura #naruto

[douxreviews]

Legends of Tomorrow - ‘The Eggplant, The Witch, and The Wardrobe’ Review

“Mikey! Mikey, Stop!”

Legends continues to ramp up the action as it moves into the final phases of its too short fourth season, and on the way makes the most important statement about relationships that's ever been uttered on genre television.

Have I mentioned how much I love this show?

One of the most consistently impressive things about the way Legends of Tomorrow tells its stories is the way that they're able to take what should be standard, if not cliched, plot set-ups and somehow turn them into something unexpectedly fantastic. Last year, Zari's turn at reliving Groundhog Day gave us the amazing 'Here I Go Again'. This week we get that thing that genre shows love to do wherein one character physically enters another character's mind in order to 'save' them from whatever has caused them to fall unresponsive, and therein finds a world built almost entirely of visual metaphors that help them work through a bit of character development before we get back to the season's larger plot.

So, yes. It's essentially Sara Lance as Willow Rosenberg in 'Weight of the World'. With the small difference that Ava, our Buffy-surrogate in the set-up, is actually able and willing to have a profoundly frank and adult discussion with her inside the, for lack of a better term, 'dreamscape'.

And really, I know that this gets mentioned in these pages a lot, but that's the greatest strength that Legends of Tomorrow has; the way that all of the characters are allowed to behave like rational and emotionally available adults, despite also being time travelling superheroes. It's sure as hell that none of us saw that coming, back in the Vandal Savage days.

Case in point, look at the way that they completely skated past the obvious 'everyone but Ray blames Nora for Hank's death' plotline here. That was obviously what we were being set up for back at the end of 'The Getaway', and yet within the first couple of scenes this week we have the Legends find out that Nora is on the Waverider, she says 'I swear I didn't kill Hank', and Constantine essentially responds, 'Yeah, we totally already figured that out. It was actually fairly obvious, and just the tiniest amount of follow-up on our part established what was really going on. We're totes good, Nora.' And everyone immediately gets on the same page on the issue, because they're all behaving like reasonable adults. That is huge. That just doesn't happen on television.

Even Nate only needs to take the smallest of moments questioning whether or not Nora is guilty before he processes what he's being told and accepts it, and that's the one instance in which they could have legitimately gotten away with a character responding in a destructive way because he was responding emotionally to his father's loss. But they didn't go there, and it cannot be overstated what a positive and refreshing example that is to see.

It's particularly clever of them, because of the way that they pulled the rug out from under us at least twice this week regarding the heavily foreshadowed Nate/Ray schism that we were all bracing ourselves for. Nate finds out that Ray has been harboring the woman he thinks killed his dad, and he responds by listening to what his friend is telling him, accepting what he's being told, and reaffirms their friendship. A little later on we see him accidentally punch Ray in what we assume is going to be the beginning of their 'Civil War' style breakup, only to immediately get ahold of himself, apologize, and embrace his friend. An apology that Ray accepts without hesitation, I might add, because Nate's actions were both completely understandable under the circumstances and immediately apologized for.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the world's greatest ever example of positive male friendship. I'm starting to believe that if we can just get enough people to watch this show, we might actually find a way to counter toxic masculinity. Wouldn't that be nice?

All of which is a roundabout way for me to get to the point that I've been growing to realize that it's really the character relationships that make this show. Witness, for example, the curious level of kindness that Constantine shows to Gary when he wants to hold vigil for Ava. Gary, by rights, should be pure dorky comic relief. Constantine, as a character type, exists almost solely to deflate that kind of comic relief character. And yet when push comes to shove, John goes to Gary's D&D nights. John cares about Gary. That's a nice detail. Similarly, it's notable the way that Mick is willing to help out Zari in something as trivial as crafting sexy text messages to Nate. Mick of even two years ago would absolutely not have been doing that.

Which brings me back to my initial point as regards that important statement about relationships. After a truly enjoyable series of sequences in the 'evil purgatory Ikea', Ava and Sara have some incredibly frank and direct talk about their relationship. And during that talk, they're both so amazingly emotionally available to one another and so willing to be vulnerable with one another. I honestly cannot think of a healthier relationship on television, ever. Not in the sense that they don't have problems, because they clearly do, but in the way tat they're willing to acknowledge them, and admit when they're in the wrong. It's messy, and it's real, and I love every second of it. And just when I think it can't get any better, Ava says;

"Let’s be honest, neither of us needs anybody. But you are who I want."

Yes. That. A million times, that. Can we amplify that message about a billion times, until it drowns out all the rom-com 'I need you to complete me' bullshit? Because that would be wonderful.

Be more like Nate and Ray, people

So what have we learned today?

To stop including this section in the reviews, because trying to condense a logically consistent universal rulebook of how timeline changes work in this fictional universe is absolutely nothing compared to what we should be learning from the character relationships. Also, clearly no one involved in the show is worrying about it.

Everybody remember where we parked.

This week the Waverider pretty much stayed where it was in Washington D.C., 2019. At least, it logically must have been sine Zari could send texts to that year, and Ray bounced back and forth between the ship and the Time Bureau.

Sara, meanwhile, went to actual literal purgatory to rescue Ava's soul. Purgatory, in this case, being an obvious Ikea knock-off called 'Megastor', complete with umlaut.

Quotes:

Ray: "Hey Sara! Great news. Hank was killed by a demon!" Nora: "'Great' was not the word he was looking for."

Ray: "She’s not a liability. She’s a survivor."

Sara: "You two are with me. (To Zari) Woman the ship."

Gary: "Conspiracies, embezzling, paper trails. I feel like Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich."

Nate: "If this is my dad’s mistress I’m gonna jump out a window."

Sara: "Ava, if you check out, you die." Ava: "Well that’s kinda on the nose, isn’t it?"

Charlie: "Being honest, wind powers- just not that scary." Mick: "Yeah, you’re like a magical hair dryer."

Nate: "Yeah, hi. We’re looking for Mr. Uh… Mr… T."

Zari: "I don’t even know why I’m talking to you two about it. You don’t even date humans." Mick: "Love’s love."

Nora: "I know how hard it is to watch someone you love become a demon." John: "Yeah, well too bad there aren’t any Beebo’s around to hug it to death."

Mick: "Here. Use words. It’s erotic, but vulnerable."

Bits and pieces:

-- Yes, I realize that they were actually in purgatory, where her soul was currently stuck, but all the semiotic rules at play here clearly were working on the understanding of 'dreamscape'.

-- So apparently Neron wanted Ava's body to host somebody called Tabitha, I assume she's his demon girlfriend.

-- The trope of the bad guy having a favorite whistle-tune so that we can identify what body he's jumped into later is super clichéd and tired. I still didn't see it coming that he'd end up in Ray though.

-- You should absolutely never pay less than $800 for a mattress. Under any circumstances.

-- It's not clear what actually happened to Nora in that ritual. Are she and Ray going to end up as Tabitha and Neron? I'd be down for that.

-- Absolutely nothing about Hank's magical creature zoo makes sense, and he certainly wouldn't have needed a demon's help to set it up. I hate everything about that plotline, with the exception of Mikey T, who is awesome.

-- Zari, Charlie and Mona giggling about texting boys shouldn't have been charming, but was completely 100% adorable.

-- Dirty secret time, I adore assembling flatpack furniture. Honestly, it's my favorite thing in the whole world. I'm not kidding.

-- The effect of aging and de-aging as the sat on the mattress was really nicely done. A very clean low tech solution which worked well.

-- I'm actually really surprised at how quickly Mona has begun feeling like a natural part of the team.

A really good episode with a lot of really positive things to say about adult relationships, both romantic and otherwise. I just wish it hadn't involved the stupid magical creatures zoo plot, because it's stupid and muddies the waters as to what Neron actually wants to accomplish.

Three out of four flatpack dressers.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

#Legends of Tomorrow #Sara Lance #John Constantine #Ray Palmer #Nate Haywood #Zari Tomaz #DC Comics #Legends of Tomorrow Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews

[akitokihojo]

Fault

Y’ALL WANT SOME PAIN?

I hope so because this is the end of my fic spam and I’ve got nothing else for you for a while...

Note: This fic takes place between episodes 177 (Flowers Drenched in Sadness) and 178 ep 10 and 11 of Final Act. There’s some trauma discussed in that episode and my girl, Kagome, has her own feelings sort of left up to interpretation at the end, and since I’m over emotional and may have cried, this is my rendition of what should have happened.

-------------------------

Inuyasha sat with his back against the wall of Kaede’s hut, legs crossed in front of him and ears giving little twitches as the quiet of the night set in, the only noises around being the deep breaths of air leaving the lungs of the sleeping members around him and the flickering flames of the dying fire in the center of the room. It was no surprise that he couldn’t sleep. His mind was riddled with questions that had been burning at his tongue just begging to be asked, and even with Kagome on her side of the well, he felt close to bursting.

Over the past week, he’d watched Kagome sit up in her sleeping bag, look around to check that everyone was sleeping, tuck Shippo into the padding of the bag so he was warm enough not to notice her absence, and saunter off into the darkness of the forest. Out of respect, he never followed, thinking she’d only ever venture off like that if she was using the restroom. But when she’d return, her cheeks would hold a hint of pink illuminated by the fire in the middle of their camp. Her eyes would be puffy, the embers creating harsh shadows beneath the swelling of her lower lids. And she would smell of salt.

The scent wasn’t overwhelming. In fact, if Inuyasha wasn’t paying attention he would have missed the bitter whiff of salt altogether. This happened every night. Kagome would get out of her sleeping bag, never once noticing Inuyasha watching from his place not too far from her, and come back with a dull, sad gaze. She’d crawl back into her bag, clutch the young fox kit who wouldn’t wake but would snuggle closer to her chest, and would shut her eyes until sleep eventually took her.

On night number three of this routine, he planned on asking her what was going on. His instincts were, at this point, screaming that something was wrong. How long had this been going on for? He had just barely become aware of the fact that Kagome was tremendously affected by something, and while he had the general idea, his gut told him there was more to it. Since he was coping with his own heartbreak for a while, he hardly noticed what the others did around him, only tuning in during bits and pieces of conversations and when asked a question. The realization that this could have been happening while he was always only a few feet away from Kagome, but never actually present, bruised him.

When she returned from her walk, Inuyasha sat up straighter, not missing the small sniffle from her nose or the way she tucked her head when she noticed him looking at her. He opened his mouth to ask, only able to get out her name before Kagome cut him off by mentioning how awful her allergies had been lately before sending a barely-believable grin his way.

She didn’t want to talk about it, that much was clear. As much as he wanted to hound her and ask what was going on over and over until she gave in and told him, he could tell this was a situation that needed to be handled delicately.

Inuyasha’s specialty.

He’d never seen Kagome like this before. Pissed, yeah. Jealous, sure. Sad, not often but it’s still happened. So distraught that she had to swallow it around her companions and sneak off alone in the middle of the night to let it out, not once.

This all started, or at least was brought to his attention, when they encountered the flower prince, Kao. The bastard got off on peoples’ sadness, making Inuyasha a prime target while he mourned Kikyo’s passing. Little did he know, Kagome was even worse off than he was. He never got clarification for it, though. Kao was elated to announce how Kagome’s sadness triumphed Inuyasha’s, making her all the more appealing to the demon, but stopped abruptly before preaching the cause behind it. Inuyasha didn’t realize it in the moment, but he didn’t want Kao to stop talking. He wanted -no, needed- to know what was tearing her apart inside. She’d mentioned that Kikyo’s death was hard on everyone, but that didn’t tell him anything. The others didn’t sneak off in the dead of night to cry. Kagome did.

The worry was spreading through him at an agonizing pace, causing his knee to bob up and down. It aggravated him that there was seemingly nothing he could do. She’d firmly stated to the invasive bastard that her emotions weren’t for anyone other than herself, so who was he to ask about them? Inuyasha felt that if she were going to open up about what she felt, she would have done so immediately following the incident while the door was open. But she didn’t. Instead, she took care of him and made sure he was okay. Something he should have been doing for her.

Now here he was a week and a half later, sitting up in the middle of the night while the group recouped at Kaede’s place. Kagome had decided to head home to gather more supplies and study for a test she’d fabricated on the spot. Inuyasha had become so attuned to her lately, paying attention to her every quirk and move, how she put in so much effort to appear fine in front of Miroku, Sango, and Shippo, noticing how her cheeks were paling more and more every day, and how her dark brown eyes looked exhausted and puffy. He could tell which smiles were fake now, when she wasn’t asleep, when she would lie about being “just tired” to explain her swollen lower eyelids and lack luster features, and he could tell when she lied to his face about her reason for going back to her time.

He told himself at first that it was best to give her space. Let her have a day, maybe two, at home and she’d come back refreshed and better than ever. She’d take a bath and return smelling of that wonderful, warm, sugary scent Inuyasha had grown to favor about her, and everything would be okay again. He wouldn’t have to worry about her. She’d sleep at night and wouldn’t cry anymore, and Inuyasha would be comforted just knowing that Kagome was happy once again.

That would be too easy, though, wouldn’t it? Something pushed and pulled painfully at him, screaming that Kagome needed him and, yet again, he wasn’t there for her.

Inuyasha curled his fingers into tight fists, his sharp claws biting into the flesh of his palms, the entirety of what was left of his resolve dissipating. As quietly as possible, he stood from his spot, stepped around the curled up, sleeping fox demon, and pushed his way through the hanging door mat and out into the cool night air. Quickly, he hastened his pace, sprinting towards the ancient bone eaters well and jumping straight through.

 The cool air greeted Inuyasha as he slowly slid the shrine door open, looking around to assess his surroundings. Kagome’s time was much safer than his own, but he still preferred awareness over surprises. Even though it was the middle of the night, the quarter moon high in the night sky, the distant roads still sounded busy. Kagome had told him that sort of thing was common in her village -or city, he remembered her calling it. Her family’s shrine on the other hand, further away from most of the commotion, was quiet and peaceful. He soundlessly slid the door to the well shut behind him, looking at each window of Kagome’s home and noticing none of the lights on. As he approached the building, he took in the quiet of the house. He could usually hear her grandpa snoring or her younger brother watching shows on the television in the living room, but it was stone-still inside. Aside from Kagome’s room.

Small, weak whimpers emitted from the open, glass window caused his pointed ears to lay flat along his head as a heavy feeling settled into the cavity of Inuyasha’s chest. The half demon launched himself from the hard earth beneath his feet to the base of her window, balancing on the edge of the wood and analyzing the dark room.

The door across the way was open, the halls pitch black and hard for even him to see into. The floor around was a mess; books were scattered around and opened with their pages folded damagingly against the ground, the small lamp that usually sat on Kagome’s desk was broken on the opposite side of the room, clothes were strewn about, and even the chair was tipped over in the middle of the walking space. Inuyasha silently stepped in, peering at the girl sitting hunched over on her bed staring blankly at the comforter beneath her folded legs and holding her towel against her bare chest. Her black hair was wet, still dripping along the skin of her back, small goosebumps evident from the moonlight shining in through the window pane.

The half demon stood frozen in place from the scene in front of him. His initial thought was Kagome had to have been attacked, baring his claws before he realized he couldn’t smell anything or anyone foreign in her home. Only the usual scents lingered, along with the fresh and sweet aroma of the shampoo Kagome must have just used, still strong from her sodden locks. He didn’t sense any sort of immediate danger, so what the hell could have happened? The girl in front of him hardly moved, only trembling slightly as she continued to stare at the blanket along the length of her bed and brought the towel she held loosely in her fingers up to her mouth to cover the bottom lip she chewed on. The only bit of clothing she donned was black underwear, and while this wasn’t his first time seeing her undressed, it still created a tender feeling to swell and tighten in his abdomen at seeing her in such a raw and vulnerable state. He thought to cover her up somehow to protect her from feeling any further and unnecessary defenselessness, but he couldn’t find the will to move.

She took in a shaky breath, sniffling as a salty tear ran down the length of her nose and dripped onto her knee. Slowly, Kagome blinked and turned her head to face Inuyasha, a look of realization emerging on her pale cheeks, her shoulders broadening as she finally processed his presence. She whipped her torso away to face the back wall, clutching the white cloth to her chest with one hand and wiping her tear-stained face with the other.

“Kagome-“

“What are you doing here?” Kagome asked, her hoarse voice appearing harsh and direct. She continued to hide her face, and he could tell she was trying to compose herself by taking deep breaths and shaking her head as if to push the problem to the back of her mind.

“I came to check on you. What the hell happened, Kagome?!” Inuyasha fired, taking a step forward but stopping as her brown eyes darted back in his direction and pierced through him.

“Nothing.” Kagome answered resolutely.

“Don’t give me that! This doesn’t look like nothing to me!”

“Leave it alone, Inuyasha.” She demanded through gritted teeth, a red blemishing her face as she pushed herself further onto her bed and back against the white wall. He paused for a moment, taking in the shaking sight of her. She wasn’t afraid, he knew her better than that. She didn’t fear him, so he knew full and well that that wasn’t why she was backing away. This had everything to do with the pain Kao boasted about a week and a half ago. The pain she’d been dealing with for too long now. She’d had to swallow and contain it for over a week, maybe even longer considering Inuyasha wasn’t aware until recently, only letting bits and pieces of it out while she thought everyone slept. This was her inevitable mental breakdown from holding it back for as long as she did. The scattered and broken items on the floor were Kagome releasing the dark depths of it all.

Inuyasha took another small step forward, untying the knot at the front of his fire rat as he watched Kagome quickly wipe the tears that relentlessly continued to flow.

“Here, let me-“

“Go home!” Kagome snapped, forcing herself to appear as small against the wall as she could.

“No, I-“

“Leave me alone, Inuyasha!” She screamed, crumbling forward as she brought the dampened towel up to hide her face and squeezed her legs into her chest, her muffled sobs causing a lump to form in the half demon’s throat. Inuyasha stood there, mouth slightly agape as he tried to figure out what to do. He’d never seen her like this before. He’d never seen anyone like this before. Was he supposed to leave her to handle this alone? He figured that was a trash idea considering she was already left alone for a small fragment of time and this was what he showed up to, but then what? He wasn’t necessarily any good at handling crying people, let alone Kagome crying. It was no secret that Inuyasha wasn’t good with emotions, period. And this… This was a whole new level. Kagome’s front was disintegrating as she bawled and quivered in the ball she’d rolled herself into, begging him to leave between each heart-shattering cry.

The thought of leaving her alone like this, trembling and broken, made Inuyasha feel physically sick. He couldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t leave her. As much as he didn’t know what to do, he was fully aware that being away from Kagome right now was the worst possible solution.

He swallowed the hardened lump, feeling the thick, heavy ball travel down his esophagus and land in the pit of his already-aching stomach. He removed the suikan from his shoulders and made his way through the mess on the floor, avoiding the school books and the writing utensils littering the place, and stopped just before the edge of her mattress. He leaned over, wrapping the thick robe over her naked shoulders, respecting the space she needed at the moment and finding it might be more comfortable for the both of them if he averted his eyes for the time being.

“I won’t leave.” Inuyasha started, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and staring at the broken glass from the lamp at the edge of the room. He heard Kagome still slightly, small gasps continuing to escape her mouth, but the shaking muscles ceasing under the warmth of his fire rat. “I can wait with you.”

“N-no.” Kagome’s voice was weak and muffled, his sensitive ears hardly picking it up.

“I won’t leave.” He repeated firmly, briefly glancing back at her with his amber eyes but looking away again towards the closet doors.

“I n-never wa-wanted you t-to s-see me like th-this.” She sobbed, clutching her legs even tighter, burying her face further into her knees.

“Why, Kagome?!” He pushed, finding it impossible to look away from her any longer. “It’s just me!”

“Because it’s you!” Kagome finally looked up at him, the salt from her fresh, hot tears so pungent that he could taste it. Her hair was just beginning to dry, messy waves forming around her face and casting harsh shadows with the moonlight under her swollen eyes. The apples of her cheeks were stained pink and irritated from the constant wiping she did in an attempt to stop the scorching liquid that relentlessly leaked down.

Inuyasha took a small step back, the heel of his foot connecting with some of the spilled contents from her yellow backpack, his knuckles white from the fists he tightly clenched. His golden eyes were wide with shock at her statement, the anxiety already building within him causing his lungs to clench and ache. He didn’t understand what was going on. Over the time they’d spent with each other, through the battles and arguments, all the shit they’d been through at each other’s sides she still felt the need to hide her pain and it fucking killed him.

“You… don’t trust me.” He said more than asked, their gazes locking as she shook her head fervently.

“No! No, Inuyasha, it’s not that!” Kagome defended, dropping the towel to the side and crawling closer to the edge of her mattress, clutching the inside of the suikan closed with one hand while bracing herself with the other. “You’ve had to deal with so much already. I-I never wanted my own troubles to burden you.”

“Burden?” Inuyasha asked, trying to swallow the anger that suddenly built up. “Kagome, did you think I didn’t notice this shit earlier? Did you think I never noticed you leaving in the middle of the night to cry?!”

“There was only that one-“

“No, I saw you leave every-fucking-night!” He barked, throwing his arms out in front of him in emphasis. “You lying to me, sneaking off, pretending you’re fine, and hiding whatever you’re feeling is what’s burdening me! So why don’t you just spit it out?! I don’t care what I’ve had to “deal with!” I don’t care if the world is crumbling around me and I’m holding the weight of it up with my shoulders! I can handle anything you throw at me, Kagome, so stop bottling it up like an idiot and tell me what the hell is going through your head!”

Kagome’s bottom lip quivered, pouting outward as she shut her eyes and folded into herself, causing a horrible chill to painfully course through every vein in Inuyasha’s body, sending shocks to each nerve ending that nearly had him crumbling on the spot. He bent to his knees, crawling the short distance to reach the side of the bed and peered at her face through her untidy bangs, wondering if it was safe to touch her yet because it was getting harder and harder to keep his hands at his sides. Her sobs racked her whole body, the whimpers escaping her throat seeming small yet so raw it made him wish this were his human night so that his hearing wasn’t so keen.

“I didn’t know you saw me,” She whispered, shaking her head yet again. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Inuyasha hushed, gently pressing his forehead to hers, his nails threading into her damp hair and holding her to him by the crook if her jaw. “Just tell me, Kagome. Please.”

She continued her quiet apologies, each one filling Inuyasha’s chest with a hollow ache. Seeing her like this, feeling her body’s small quakes and hiccups from the unceasing crying made him feel so helpless. So useless. He wanted to take everything she was feeling and make it his own. He wanted to absorb her sorrow and take every ounce of it away from her. Inuyasha didn’t care how much pain he’d be in afterwards. He’d do whatever it took to see the woman whose smile provided him with hope and comfort okay again.

“It’s my fault.” Kagome finally admitted, leaning back from him, a cold breeze brushing against the spot her hot forehead once leaned against. “It’s all my fault, Inuyasha. You trusted me, and I let you down.”

“What do you mean?“

“Kikyo.” She choked, clutching the robe around her shoulders even tighter, bringing it up towards her face to hide behind. “Only I could save her, and I messed up!”

Inuyasha took a moment, his hands falling to the bed spread, processing all the information she’d given him in just that one, short declaration. He could hear it in the hook her voice gave, expressing just how guilty and responsible she felt for the priestess’s death. There was no way in hell he imagined she had this hanging over her shoulders.

“This isn’t your fault.” The half demon acknowledged incredulously, shaking his head slowly as he tried to make sense of her guilt. “This isn’t even close to your fault!”

“Don’t you get it, Inuyasha?”

“Don’t you get it? I was the one that should have protected her!”

“You can’t be in two places at once!” Kagome argued. “I was there! I had to purify her with the bow from Mount Azusa; that was the one thing I was told to do!”

“You did that, Kagome!”

“No, you don’t understand! I hesitated when I faced the spirit of the mountain! I was unsure and if I didn’t have to take that moment to sort everything out, we could have gotten back to Kikyo sooner!”

“Stop!”

“If I were stronger, maybe I could have purified her soul with that arrow like I was supposed to!”

“She redirected it with the sacred jewel! That wasn’t-“

“If I were stronger, she would have lived!” Kagome cried, letting go of the fire rat altogether and slamming her hands against the firm mattress. “If I were stronger, you wouldn’t have lost Kikyo!”

The hanyou’s heart was pounding erratically against his ribcage, his fingers trembling from the sheer amount of unbridled emotion in their argument. As much as he felt to blame for Kikyo’s passing… As much as he felt it was his fault because he didn’t get to her side fast enough, deep in his gut he knew there was no stopping it. It was always easier to blame himself than to accept the fact that Kikyo had planned to sacrifice herself in order to defeat Naraku.

Kikyo was never meant to be at that battle in the first place. She was a specter, unwillingly walking this Earth once again, living off only a fragment of her own soul along with the continuously delivered souls of dead women, with the pure intention to defeat Naraku. What was her goal after the fight was over? What was she intending to do once Naraku was killed? Live a happy life alongside Inuyasha? No, that was never the plan for either of them.

Inuyasha swallowed thickly, climbing onto the bed next to Kagome, his legs curving around the sides of her body. He adjusted the loosely splayed, red garment around her bare shoulders, gently grabbing her arms to weave them through the sleeves and pulling her to look at him with the front of the open robes. Her brown eyes, clouded with sorrow and remorse, met his own gaze and caused every muscle in his abdomen to clench.

“Kagome, I want you to listen to me.” He insisted, his grip on the hem of his robe tightening.

“Inu-“

“Listen to me.” Kagome shut her mouth, the pink skin of her lips sealing as her eyebrows twitched together in response to his tone, then relaxed. “In no way do I blame you, do you understand? You fought with everything you had, and you did everything you could. Kikyo came up with a plan of her own, and I don’t know if it was something she’d come up with long beforehand or on the spot, but she sacrificed herself in an attempt to purify Naraku and no one can be held responsible for her decisions. I’d lost her years ago, Kagome, so this wasn’t entirely about me losing her. It was more about feeling like I’d let her down again. I didn’t save her and that’s why I blamed myself, but with all that you did and all that you overcame just to fight for Kikyo’s soul, I could never find fault in you. Ever.”

“You didn’t let her down, though!” Kagome whimpered, scooting her knees inward to fully face the half demon, her bottom lip pouting out again.

“I know that. And I also know how hard it is to convince yourself otherwise when you feel responsible for something. So, I want you to take your time with this. If I have to remind you every day of how strong I think you are, I’ll do it. If you need a reminder that you aren’t to blame for Kikyo’s death, I’ll give that to you. I’m here, Kagome. You don’t have to deal with this alone anymore.” Inuyasha threaded his fingers of one hand through her raven hair once more, being mindful of his claws while gently gripping the thick strands at the nape of her neck.

Kagome took a moment and Inuyasha could feel the tremors from her body just inches from his finally calm. Her thick, wet lashes blinked away a couple more tears that had lined the rim of her eyelids, the thumb of Inuyasha’s other hand leaving the hem of the fire rat and softly wiping the searing liquid away, cupping her cheek within his palm. She exhaled, and he could feel her muscles tense as she tried to quickly put up another façade, but it crumbled immediately, and she launched herself into the heat of his chest, wrapping her arms around him and sobbing into his kosode.

“I’m so sorry, Inuyasha! I’m so sorry!” Kagome repeated over and over, the apologies muffled by his thick shirt. His arms instinctively wrapped firmly around her while he supported her weight, feeling her hot breath on his skin, burning through his clothing and seeping through to his heart.

Inuyasha continued to hold her, her small frame nestled tightly against his torso, snug in between his legs while his fingers combed through her hair as it continued to dry completely, and he rested his chin on top of her head. He shushed her when necessary, but otherwise allowed her to cry until she couldn’t cry anymore. Her choppy breathing eventually calmed and then eventually deepened, the grip her fingers held along the back of his shirt loosening, and Inuyasha slowly leaned back against the comforter of the bed until his head sunk into Kagome’s pillow. She adjusted herself slightly but stayed pressed to his chest, her thin fingers playing with the extra cloth along the hanyou’s waist.

“You should get some rest, Kagome.” Inuyasha whispered, his palm stilling at the crown of her head as their lungs synchronized. “There’s nothing to worry about anymore. Not while I’m with you.”

He felt her nod, her eyelashes tickling the flesh at the base of his throat as they closed, her spent body growing heavier on top of him. His own eyes began drifting shut, and after weeks of fighting the exhaustion, he finally felt like he didn’t have to anymore. His own mind began to calm considerably, and with Kagome pressed up against him, her pure heart beating alongside his rib cage, it brought a deepening comfort he could hardly describe. A warmth began spreading throughout his veins, starting at where their skin touched and expanding to fill him with a sensation he’d grown familiar to feeling only with her. He hoped he could provide in return even a fraction of what Kagome unknowingly provided for him; the safety and serenity just her presence offered, let alone what the physical pressure of her body did. It was the feeling he bathed in whenever he was with Kagome that helped him get through the trials he’d faced since waking from his fifty-year sleep, and he could only hope to bring her the same sort of peace. If he was able to do that, he’d consider himself more than content. Kagome muttered a soft thank you to him, and he flexed his arms around her chest, refusing to let go of her even while he gave into sleep.

#Inuyasha #kagome #Kagome Higurashi #inukag #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha fanfic #inuyasha fic #inukag fanfiction #inukag fanfic #inukag fic #angst #my writing #kagomeinthepast

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 142: HHAH!! *GRUNT* *PUNCHING NOISES*

Previously on BnHA: Tamaki faced off against three villains on his own. At first he managed to keep them at bay by generating a bunch of giant kraken arms, which was badass. But then it turned out one of the villains had an eating quirk and just kept eating the damn arms like fucking Gluttony or Monkey D. Luffy or something. The other two villains worked together to beat Tamaki up, but then Tamaki neutralized one of their quirks and fucking absorbed the other one’s quirk and used it against him. Needless to say, he beat them, and it was pretty cool, although I’m not quite sure it was cool enough to warrant an entire chapter being devoted to it, but what are you gonna do. We’re moving on now anyway, so that’s that.

Today on BnHA: Tamaki passes out after winning his fight. We cut back to the rest of the heroes as they make their way down the neverending corridor. Mimic starts messing with the walls again and tries to crush Aizawa, but Fat Gum knocks him out of the way and takes the hit for him. At this point things become very jumbled, but basically FG and Kirishima end up separated from the rest of the group, and find themselves in a pit somewhere with two new villains. One of the villains is a big guy who likes punching shit, and the other is a Buddhist monk who likes to stand around and do absolutely nothing at all. The punching guy punches FG and Kiri a bunch, and Kiri has trouble withstanding it even with his quirk. FG yells at him to not give up and to maintain his will to fight no matter what. He and Kiri face the bad guys in determination and are all “we’re gonna punch ‘em some more, goddammit.”

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 175 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

all right kids. it’s been two weeks since I last read a chapter. I just did a quick refresher of the past dozen chapters or so, partly to remind myself of everything that was going on, and partly to remind myself of all the cool things that have happened in this arc. it kinda helped. somewhat

Tamaki’s fight didn’t really drag on that much. it was just two chapters. it felt like an eternity -- despite the fact that I actually like Tamaki a lot -- but it really wasn’t that long

and yeah, it’s been like four chapters since they started this raid, and all they’ve basically done so far is run down a few hallways. but I feel like things have to pick up soon, so we’re going to press on

BnHA got the Jump cover again! hopefully that means things are about to get exciting

ooh and there’s a color page too

basically, now that he’s finished beating these three assholes, he’s dosed them with a bit of poison to keep them in check, and now he is passing out. shit

also, “that was far more trouble than it should have been” is one of the more accurate summaries I’ve read in some time

so now we’re finally getting back to our badass 1-A boys! yesssss. I missed you lunkheads

I kinda just want the rest of the arc to be them busting through wall after wall of the labyrinth until they finally catch up to where Mirio is. then Aizawa neutralizes Overhaul’s quirk and they knock him out and rescue Eri and everything is happy and good again. and Nighteye announces that All Might is not going to die after all, and it turns out this whole time he was just misremembering an old cliffhanger episode of the canon All Might anime. and they all live happily ever after etc. etc.

(ETA: you know that anon ask about what I’d change about this arc? scratch everything I wrote in response to that. pencil this in. done and done)

but SOMETHING TELLS ME this is not going to happen

all right, so we’re back in the ol’ villain labyrinth

I’m having so much trouble spelling the word ‘labyrinth.’ I keep mixing up where the y and the i are supposed to go. stupid English language

what the fuck is this title

lol wtf

(ETA: now that I know the meaning of this title, I simultaneously have new respect for the title itself, and new exasperation towards Horikoshi for somehow still failing to see the problem with this extremely dull matchup. listen dude. no one fucking cares if “defense wins championships.” I’m just a poor soul trying to stay awake during panel after panel of blurry punching action. please never do this to us again)

Kirishima’s all “is senpai gonna be okay”, and no one fucking knows, Kiri

but no. he’s not. why on earth did you all leave him. whatever

FG is annoyed that they’re doubting Tamaki

um, no, this is the kind of stupid policy that this series has so far done its best to avoid. in fact, FG, I’ll see your point and raise you one “a true hero offers help even when it’s not asked for”, which is almost the exact opposite of what you’re saying. so WHAT IS THE TRUTH

oh my god Kirishima is immediately doing a 180 from being worried about Tamaki to being all “HE’LL BE FINE”

so am I to understand that you can get Kirishima to say or do anything just by implying that it is or isn’t manly

...actually, yeah, that checks out

so Kiri is fiercely saying that he’s still worried, but he has no choice but to believe in him

meanwhile Rock Lock, whose name was actually mentioned back in like chapter 138 but I missed it but I picked up on it when I went back to refresh my memory, is being annoyed by their enthusiasm. yet again

I feel like Rock Lock actually loves these kids now. right? they’re so fucking lovable. how can you not

(ETA: everyone gives in to class A’s charms eventually)

so now they’ve found some stairs and they’re all “let’s take these stairs”

but then they’re like “maybe we shouldn’t take these stairs”

this kind of indecisive bullshit is exactly why this arc has taken 500 chapters so far you guys. come the fuck on already

Aizawa is suspicious because wth happened to that guy who was manipulating the corridors before

well wasn’t he high af though? so maybe the quirk enhancing drug just wore off and he passed out?

Aizawa is speculating that his range might be limited and he can’t sense them all the way over here. or maybe he’s distracted by the other guys who were still fighting him earlier

I’m tired of trying to sum this all up so I’m just gonna post it

this is the room where Tamaki just finished kicking these guys’ asses. oh shit

now Irinaka’s eye is peeking out, and he’s all mad that the three of them lost to just one guy

and now for some reason we’re cutting back to where Bubble Girl and Captain Cockroach (I forget his name. but it was basically something like that) are restraining the villains who they previously stayed behind to battle

they’re questioning why the villains who were in hiding came out of the woodworks to attack them when they could have potentially gotten away if they’d just stayed put

but one of the villains says that if they’d done that, “Overhaul would have our heads”

this is why I don’t really understand villains like that last bunch who are so fucking loyal to a guy who clearly could not give less of a shit about them

and it seems like most of the current Eights are more loyal to the previous boss than to Overhaul

clearly the previous boss should have picked a 13-year-old peace-loving suburban Japanese kid to be his next heir rather than Chisaki. this is what happens when you don’t have Reborn around

anyway, even though these guys are all complaining about Overhaul, they’re all certain that the heroes aren’t going to succeed in capturing him

-- WHAT IN THE

DID A GIANT BATTERING RAM THING JUST EXPLODE OUT OF THE WALL AND SLAM INTO AIZAWA BECAUSE HOLY SHIT?!

AND NOW IT’S MAKING A HOLE IN THE WALL AND SHOVING AIZAWA INTO IT SHIIIIIT

LEAVE AIZAWA ALONE FOR ONCE, HE NEVER GETS TO DO ANYTHING IN THESE ARCS. LET HIM KICK SOME ASS

Fat Gum is tackling the giant wall hand and knocking Aizawa away from it!

so now Fat Gum has been punted through the hole in the wall instead

I’m relieved Aizawa is still with the kids, but we’re staying with FG, and I s2g if we have to spend another two chapters away from the protagonist watching characters who -- as lovable as they are -- we’d never even met before the start of this arc, I’m not gonna be super happy

-- OH MY GOD

KIRI YOU BLOCKHEAD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

motherfucker, he jumped in to take the hit for Aizawa too and then Fat Gum obliviously jumped in behind him and Kiri got sucked in and FG didn’t even realize

well this is just fucking great

so now some guy is emerging from the shadows ready to have fisticuffs!

and Kiri is going into Unbreakable mode again!

should you really be using your trump card right away like that. the trump card which you can only hold for a very short amount of time

um what in the

I’m not really enjoying how blurry and indistinct and difficult-to-follow these action panels have been getting as of late. it’s starting to feel like this series is finally entering a sophomore slump. get it together BnHA, c’mon

anyway, this guy looks to be punching Fat Gum really hard and possibly repeatedly. kind of like when All Might fought the Noumu at USJ

hmm

honestly it sounds like this guy was born to fight Kirishima in an epic showdown

“people oughta kill each other using just the power they got in their bodies” oh, you wacky Honorable Villains. you guys are always all over the place

FG’s turning to Kirishima, but OH SHIT

relax, I’m sure he’s fine though

ah, yes, good

this is probably gonna look really cool in the anime which will make up for this panel being something of a blurry mess right now

(ETA: just to clarify, when I originally read this chapter, I wound up with FA’s original scanlation which was significantly lower in quality. I’ve since found their version 2.0 which used cleaned-up scans which are very much improved.

here’s the original for comparison:

so yeah, the improved scans alone help to make this fight a significantly better read this time around. it’s still dull, but at least it’s readable now lol)

now FG is... trying to punch the other guy, but like. well, take a look

FG is very confused

and now another villain is there! were you there this whole time omg

okay so it must be his barrier then, right?

must... resist... urge to call him Chance the Rappa. no one else thinks it is funny. just you

but you know what. it’s my recap though. so

(ETA: honestly, this association is the only reason why he’s one of the few Eight Expendables whose names I actually recall)

so now Chance is punching FG again and it looks like it hurt him. damn

you know what I didn’t sign up for here. another fight with a tier 3 character where there is no plot advancement and where the villain’s quirk appears to just be “I punch stuff real hard.” wtf. goddammit BnHA, I’m rooting for you so get your shit in order already

so now the barrier villain is referring back to the title and clearing all of that up

actually, Kiri is spear and shield all in one. just saying. boy knows how to throw a damn good punch. who do you think was smashing through all your labyrinth walls earlier

so now Kiri is climbing back to his feet and thinking that the dude’s punches hurt him even in his Unbreakable mode

now there’s a single flashback panel of Bakugou, and my god. I’ll take it. where are you, son. how’ve you been. how’s my other son. I’ve been stuck in a villain labyrinth with side characters for the past half dozen chapters. I hope you’re off having a nice time somewhere

Kirishima is looking like he’s about to get all When The Going Gets Tough THE TOUGH GET GOING

oh! what’s this??

is this... flashback Kiri???

are you telling me he’s not a natural bright flaming redhead. what the hell. next you’re gonna tell me Mina’s not a natural pink and that Deku’s been dying his hair green since childhood

although in Kirishima’s case, he did look up to that Crimson Riot guy seemingly in the same way Deku, Shouto, and Kacchan admired All Might, didn’t he? so maybe it’s got something to do with that

FG is shouting at him not to let up his Unbreakable mode, and that if his spirit breaks that’s when he’ll really lose

and the last page is just Kiri and FG looking gritty and determined. but Kiri’s in his Ben Grimm mode so it looks weird lol

look, I’m hella down for some Kiri flashbacks. I just don’t want this fight to take longer than one and a half chapters. that’s it. that’s my limit. starting a timer... now

BONUS:

I think maybe this bonus page is supposed to go with chapter 143, but eh. it works here too

so Rappa’s quirk is explained in another omake, and basically it’s something that allows him to rotate his shoulders really fast so he can punch a lot. to think, he could have been the next Michael Phelps, but instead he wound up being a third-rate villain in the most boring arc. such a waste

Tengai’s whole character just makes no sense to me whatsoever. why are you a villain. you’re so boring. nothing in your personality or backstory offers up any type of explanation for why you would be working for a murderous crime syndicate. it’s a complete mystery, but not in a cool way, more of a “none of this adds up in the slightest” type of way. just because you never open your eyes when you talk doesn’t make you cool you asshole

#bnha #boku no hero academia #amajiki tamaki #fat gum #kirishima eijirou #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #why do Cool Anime Characters always do that anyway #open your damn eyes #it's not cool to just not look at things #'look at me look at how much of a shit I don't give. I'm bored by everything' #listen here asshole #unless you're a character in fma and your name is ling yao chances are you're doing this wrong #this isn't fucking bird box okay