#so his father is very convinced he is not his bio child | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heartpascal · 3 months

Text

i was born waiting

▹— joel miller x daughter!reader

▹— summary: you’ve been looking for your dad for as long as you can remember, is this really him?

▹— a/n: hi! i started writing this september ‘23, so it has. it’s been a WHILE. so if this seems jumpy / not consistent then that is why! sorry!!! i have done my best!!!

▹— warnings: canon-typical violence and themes, weapons, parental death, witnessing parental death, aka insane amounts of trauma, death in general, she/her pronouns, reader is biologically related to joel but no mentions of appearance, no mention of her bio mother’s appearance either, fantasising about being dead (sorry), all hurt zero comfort, attempted murder, unrealistic expectations of someone you never met — please let me know if ive missed anything!

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything), @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being @hqkon

MASTERLIST

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

There are certain things from your childhood that you can remember vividly. Though, really, childhood is a bit of a stretch, isn’t it? It’s hard to find the right word to encompass the way you had grown up, because you didn’t have much of a chance to actually grow.

From the moment you had been born, your life was a battle of staying alive to see another day.

That’s not to say that your mother didn’t do her best for you, obviously. But it was hard to raise a child as a child in the midst of a global apocalypse. You were bound to end up the way you did — moulded and hardened by the world around you, by having to pick up a gun at seven years old and use it to protect your mother. By never putting that gun back down.

For the past few years, you had known your mother was suffering. The world had been anything but kind to her, and age was hitting her harder than she had expected. More than the physical aspect, you knew it had been destroying her, the fact that you were now the one protecting her and not the other way around.

But what choice did you have? Her aging body had left her fragile, prone to falling and breaking even more frail bones. You could see the strain on her muscles, as they slowly decayed and shrunk, until they were barely there at all. You couldn’t let her carry the burden for you anymore, because you knew her body couldn’t handle it.

You had been preparing yourself for that moment, though. Making sure that you were ready, that you were strong enough for the both of you, strong enough to shoulder the burden she had been carrying for years.

When you were growing up, your mother had told you tales of your father.

She had told you all about how strong he had been, how he had been the best man she had ever known. She told you how he had cared for his daughter before you, how he had been the best father to that girl. When you were old enough to comprehend these things, you’d asked what had happened to him. “Is dad dead?” You had asked her, watching the way her face fell.

“I don’t know, honey. I hope not.” She had responded, smiling sadly at you, and patting her hand against your cheek.

It was hard for you to let go of that.

The uncertainty had haunted you for the rest of your life since that very moment, leaving you wondering for hours at a time where he could possibly be, why he would ever leave your mother to carry this responsibility alone. And in your more selfish moments, you couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t here to care for you as he had his daughter before you.

For a long time, you had convinced yourself that he was dead, despite what your mother hoped. And sure, you felt that loss, something like mourning weighing you down, but it was the only way you felt you could accept his absence. He had to be dead, because otherwise, why wasn’t he here?

But as you grew up, getting taller, stronger, you felt like you could rationalise his absence even if he wasn’t dead. After all, the apocalypse wasn’t exactly family friendly. You figured that if your mother didn’t know whether or not your dad was alive, that the same could go for him. He might just think that you and your mom died, years ago. After all, how many pregnant women survived the end of the world?

You have a feeling that the answer would have to be not many.

So, really, you and your mother being alive by now was nothing short of a miracle. It was a testament to your mother’s strength, her ability. She had succeeded where so many others had failed, and she had managed to keep both herself and you alive.

It’s a bitter kind of irony that you can’t do the same.

The last dredges of autumn fall away, leading into the coldest and harshest part of the year. Winter is hard — it’s full to the brim with fresh Infected, the ones not yet frozen solid, and resources are more scarce than ever. And this winter feels like something tangible, something which sends unending waves of dread through you.

Your mother gets weaker by the day, spending more time resting than moving, and you spend as much time as you can keeping her warm, finding food and water and pain relief for her broken arm that didn’t heal right. She’s exhausted, you can see it in her face, in her every movement. And you’re pretty sure it’s not just from the lack of rest. She watches you with dulled eyes, something like heartbreak reflecting in them.

For a long time, you pretend not to notice.

You pretend that you don’t see the way she lags behind, just watching you move away from her with speed she can’t quite manage any longer. You pretend that you don’t see the way she hesitates before taking her painkillers, or her food, or the last sip of water.

This year, the winter brings something worse than the cold. A bug, spreading across the state in a way that was familiar to so many. Not quite the Infection, but still able to take out people with ease.

When your mother catches it, you physically felt your heart clench in your chest. You felt it squeezing all of the blood around your body so quickly that you became dizzy with it. There’s a panic so deep that you can’t climb your way out of it. For days, weeks, you’re certain that you’ve lost her. That after everything, everything you’ve done, everything the two of you have been through, a cold would be the end of it all.

But then, she gets better.

The little strength she had before the sickness returns to her, bringing some colour back to her skin, some ease back to her breathing.

Religion wasn’t a thing in the apocalypse. Not really. But if you had believed in God, you would’ve thanked every one that might’ve existed for giving you this. This miracle. This small mercy.

The two of you are in an abandoned barn when it happens.

You’re dozing away, not quite asleep, but not awake either, when you hear the sound of old hay crunching underneath boots. If you weren’t so familiar with the lightness of your mother’s footsteps, you might’ve passed it off as her wandering. But these boots are heavy. They’re purposeful.

The gun in your hand means nothing when you jerk upwards, eyes snapping open and squinting through the light let into the barn by the rising winter sun. It’s an image that has since been ingrained into the back of your skull, replaying each time you close your eyes.

There, right in front of you, is your mother.

Behind her, a man, a gun pressed to the back of her skull.

Your stomach lurched suddenly in that moment, the small rationed dinner you had before dozing off trying to rise to the back of your throat, trying to race the rapid beating of your heart to see which would kill you first.

“Put down the gun.” He said, voice cold, throat dry from the winter air. The sound of his voice is printed in the base of your brain, echoing every time things around you still, go quiet.

He could be bluffing, you thought in the moment. His gun could be unloaded. It didn’t take you long to notice that the safety was off, but in those few moments, he had pressed the end of it harder into your mother’s head. You dropped the gun to the floor without another moment of thought.

You were nauseous, waiting to wake up, to realise this was all some twisted nightmare.

But you could see a look in your mother’s eyes. Acceptance. Defeat. It was almost familiar to you, so closely related to the look she had been giving you for months.

All this time, she had just been waiting to die. Waiting for something to come along and kill her off, to free you from having to take care of her. She knew that if it was up to you, that you would look after her for the rest of your goddamn life. If she lived any longer, she might just live long enough to see you die.

“Slide it over.”

You barely registered the cold pinch of metal against your palm as you pushed the gun away from you, sending it skittering over the rough ground and into the side of an old hay bale.

“Now your pack.”

There was a numbness to you as you gripped the backpack you had been leaning against, and chucked it towards where he stood behind your mother. It hit the front of his boot, but his eyes didn’t stray from where he stared at you.

“Turn around.”

You stared at him, teeth gritted together.

“No.”

There was a beat where both him and your mother just watched you. And then the surprise flickered across his face, apparently not expecting any resistance from you.

“Turn. Around.” He told you, firmer this time.

“No.”

“Okay then,” He relented, after a moment of consideration. His eyes drifted down towards your mother, who stared forwards at you. “This your daughter?” He asked, jerking his head towards you despite knowing your mother couldn’t see the movement.

“Yes, she is,” Your mother said, voice shaking, her breath clouding in front of her face as it reached the cold air. “Please, just let her be.”

He hummed, dropping his free hand down to rest heavily on your mother’s shoulder, his fingers clamping around it and not helping the way she trembled.

“So, your momma, huh?” He asked you, a smirk drawing up his face, showing smile lines around his murky blue eyes. His hair rustled in the wind, a piece falling down across his forehead. He stared at you, and you stared at him, not daring to say a word, still hoping that this whole thing was a dream. Muscles in his cheek twitched, pulling his skin taut and showing a scar across his left cheekbone. “Good.”

There was a moment where the sound didn’t register. A moment where you didn’t even realise it was your mother when the body slumped forwards. A mere moment where you didn’t think about it being her blood that splattered across your face.

The moments after that though, become blurry, hazed over, and you’re not sure it actually ever hit you that the body before you was your mother.

You’ve always had a hard time remembering that bodies were once people, that they once had lives and loved ones and thoughts and feelings. That they weren’t just bodies. So seeing her like that, as a body, not her, was wrong on so many levels. It didn’t feel real. Nothing did.

You heard the second gunshot, just a moment later, followed by a snickering laugh that you would never forget, before the pain bloomed in you.

It was buried by the shock, the complete disbelief, and you only felt the pain for mere seconds.

His gun — the one that killed your mother — was whacked across the side of your head a moment after, and that was the end of that.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Three months passed by, judging by the way the seasons turned, and you were on your own.

It was a strange feeling, really. Throughout the entirety of your life, you had never actually been alone. At least, not really. Your mother was always a small ways away, a mere shout from running to you. There had never been any true distance between the two of you until that day.

A sort of ache claws your throat each day, when you realise that it’s easier like this.

The only back you have to watch is your own, the only life you have to worry about belongs to you, and you have nothing to lose in this world. There was no terrible outcome if you were caught. Nobody else would be hurt, or suffer because of it. And you’re less likely to be caught now, when you don’t have your mother slowing you down. You don’t have to stop for the frequent rest breaks she needed, you can try to outrun Infected without worrying about someone lagging behind, and you only have yourself to feed.

If your mother had known how much easier survival was when alone, you hope that she would’ve abandoned you at birth. Because perhaps, without the burden of you upon her shoulders, she wouldn’t have fallen apart so quickly.

Sometimes, you like to think of a world where she was spared all of this. Never pregnant with you, for a start. So when the infection broke out, she would’ve only had herself to worry about. You think that maybe, one day, she would’ve been able to reunite with your father. If she hadn’t been carrying a child, she would’ve been able to manage the journey to where she believed him to be. You look at the picture that had been in the pocket of her coat for your whole life, the papers folded and clipped to the back of it, one word underlined: Boston.

You had reached a store in the weeks after that day, and when you found a map, it wasn’t difficult to notice that the direction the two of you had been heading in was to that very city.

It’s a long shot. More than a long shot, really, but you find yourself continuing in that direction regardless. You don’t know what you hope to find in Boston, whether it was your dad, or the man who had killed your mother, or perhaps just somewhere to take shelter for a while. You try not to hope for anything. You try not to focus on the fact that you might not even make it that far.

It keeps you up for days.

The uncertainty of it. The unknown. The fact that you’re walking your way to a city you know nothing about, almost certain that your mother’s killer was already there, and more than that, consumed by a fever that might kill you regardless of the where the journey took you.

The only sleep you get results in fever dreams, rippling, warping images that make your perception falter, feeling all too real until you notice that it’s not. And when you do wake up from them, it’s as if you haven’t slept at all. An exhaustion weighs heavily upon you, and your shoulders hunch over with it. There’s almost nothing you wouldn’t do to get rid of that endless feeling.

You hope—or wish, maybe— that if you reach Boston, the journey there will have tired you out so much that your body will have no choice but to rest. It’s a distant thought in your mind, though. You’re almost certain you won’t make it that far, because if the fever doesn’t get you, surely the Infected will.

It’s not as though you’re trying to get killed. But there is a kind of peace that comes with the thought. There’s an idea of rest behind it, hiding within the shadowy depths that make you scared. Would not having to fight in order to survive really be so terrible? You have this image in mind, of a never ending blackness, a void, somewhere that your thoughts and worries can just fizzle away. The small part of your fever-fried brain that has retained its rationality reminds you of the unknown. It reminds you that death could be worse than this.

You don’t like the thought. Not after that day. It’s a shuddering feeling, wondering if your mother is in some kind of unreachable hell.

By the time you’re even close to Boston, a few hours out at most, you’re out of ammo in the gun you’d found along the way. Out of food rations. No knife, no resources. You’re barely standing on two legs, kept up by the adrenaline, the knowledge alone that you’re this close.

When the tall walls of the QZ finally come into view, you start to feel some amount of hope. Which is a dangerous thing, but especially in a situation as dire as your own. You couldn’t afford any adrenaline fading, couldn’t afford to lose your cautious nature. You couldn’t make a mistake. One wrong move, one slight misstep, and you’d be as dead as your mother. Or worse, infected. Though this close to a QZ, you had some amount of relief at the knowledge that they should’ve cleared out any nearby infected. Runners, and clickers alike.

Your steps don’t falter for a moment. Partly because of your worry about the fever taking you out, but mostly because you’re certain that the FEDRA guards on watch on top of the wall will have spotted you, and you don’t want them to think you’re Infected, just because of your sickly appearance, and shoot on sight. Though, with FEDRA’s track record, it wouldn’t surprise you if they just shot you down regardless.

For a while, you’re not sure if you’re even awake, or if perhaps you were stuck in yet another fever dream. Everything felt so real and so not real simultaneously, it felt impossible to believe that you had actually made it.

Soldiers met you on your approach, calling out for you to get on the ground with your hands up. You called back some sort of response as you did so, practically collapsing to your knees and squeezing your eyes shut at the pain that followed. But despite all of it, despite the pain and the rough hands that grabbed you and pulled you forwards, through the gates and straight into a building, you had made it to Boston.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

It was maybe three weeks into being a resident of the Boston QZ that you caught wind of him for the first time. Or, at the very least, somebody who might be him. You didn’t know how common the surname Miller was, being a child of the apocalypse, but you kind of hoped the answer was uncommon.

“Goddamn Miller, again.” A man had muttered as you walked through the trading market. You paused almost instantly, pretending to peruse the feeble amount of clothes a woman had to trade. “Said we gotta go through him and Tess if we want anything, as if we gotta listen to them.” He practically spat out, glaring around as he spoke to the woman beside him.

“They’re the most well established smugglers in the whole goddamn QZ. Don’t have to tell you how, do I?” She asked, sounding more annoyed with her companion than she was with whoever Miller and Tess were. “Joel is as nasty as they come, Darren. Don’t get on the wrong side of him.”

Your heart practically stuttered to a stop in your chest, and you had to remind yourself to keep breathing. Could it possibly be a coincidence? Could there be another Joel Miller? One who wasn’t your father? Sure, it was possible. Plausible, even, considering the fact that you had absolutely no idea if he was here. Not any concrete idea, anyway. Your mother had believed as much, but who was to say she was right?

Besides, whoever this Joel Miller was didn’t sound like the man your mother had told you about. As nasty as they come didn’t have any relation to the heroic and kind and amazing father and man your mother always spoke about. Though, you knew as well as anyone what the apocalypse could do to people.

Darren didn’t say anything else to his companion. So, after a few more moments, you continued on your way, making the journey to the tiny box apartment that FEDRA had elected to you.

But even as you got there, sitting down on the poor excuse of a mattress, you couldn’t shake the conversation out of your mind. After everything you had been through to get here, what was it all for? Could you really make this journey and just never try to find Joel Miller? Your father? You could still remember the anxiety that had come when you first arrived, when you were strapped into a chair and scanned for the fungus that had taken over so many. You didn’t know what you were more scared of: the idea that it would flash red, and you’d be killed, or the idea that it would be clear, and you’d be sent out into the QZ, where you may just find the other half of your DNA.

You don’t even know if you want to find out anything about him. Don’t know if you could face that, especially after losing your mother. That’s been the hardest thing since being here, since having your own place, the fact that you’ve gotten it all without her. It feels… empty. For your whole life, she had been there at your side, making every short stay at whatever accommodation you could find feel like home.

Plus, even if you did consider trying to find him, and if it was him those people were talking about, then who the hell was Tess? What if she got upset at your appearance, your claim as Joel Miller’s surviving child? You’re not sure you can lose another parent.

Sure — Joel Miller wasn’t exactly your dad, he couldn’t be classed as a parent in the way that your mother was, but if you never met him, that could’ve been for any number of reasons. He could be dead. He could’ve thought you and your mother were dead, all these years. You didn’t want to face a reality where you met him, and he wasn’t present for you and your mother because he didn’t want to be. You’d rather live your whole life thinking him six feet under, than know he was out there, and just didn’t care about you.

The more you think about it, the more certain you are that Boston was a mistake.

It would all be different if your mother was alive. If she had brought you here, if she had been the one to hear the chatter about Joel Miller, if she had been the one to seek him out. But she was dead, and the only living connection you had to Joel was, too. Hypothetically, if you did seek him out, you didn’t know enough about him to prove your claim as his child, and without your mother, how could you make him believe you?

They had been a family, once. They being Joel, your mother, and your deceased half sister. You’d heard the tale of how Joel and your mother had met, of how it took months for him to finally feel comfortable introducing her to his little girl. Hell, you had heard almost as much about Sarah as you had about Joel. Your mother had certainly adored his daughter, and you’re somewhat sure that they had planned to have you, despite Sarah already being a teenager.

You don’t want to have to mourn a family you had never actually had. Perhaps, Joel and Sarah were out there, living their lives certain that you and your mother were dead, just as you and your mother had done.

Not that any of this even mattered — you didn’t even know for sure if it was the same Joel Miller! And even if it was, it’s not like Boston QZ was small. There’s absolutely no chance you run into the man who might just be your dad. No way.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

You find someone else, before you hear anything more about Joel Miller, and it immediately sends the thought of your biological dad to the very back of your mind.

After all, it’s not every day you see the man who murdered your mother.

It wasn’t exactly a surprise. You had guessed that this was the place he was heading, all those moons ago. But to actually see him, here, in the flesh, alive and well despite all of the pain and heartache and devastation he had caused you? It was surreal. You had to practically pinch your skin from your body to make yourself believe he was real.

And it only really hits you now, that this man killed your mother. You had been so focused on surviving, on living to see another day, on healing and moving and getting away from her body, buried in shallow dirt outside of some abandoned barn. You can vividly remember the strength it had taken to pry the frozen dirt from the ground.

Sure, you had felt the guilt over it, the guilt over the ease that came with surviving without her, guilt over your very existence, but you’re not sure you had ever actually grieved over her. Not sure if you had ever let yourself be sad, be angry, be anything about what had happened.

But now, seeing him, you feel… almost too much.

All of the rage and grief you had squashed in favour of surviving another day, all of the sadness and fear, all of it. It all comes rushing towards you at once, hitting you in the chest, winding you. You gasp for breath on the street, ducking away for a moment, gripping your chest like you could physically hold your heart steady.

When you look back out at the street, you see him as he nears the corner. Panic grips you at the thought of losing him, of never seeing him again, of failing to avenge your mother. You follow after him before you can think better of it.

It’s strangely easy. You fall back into the life of a hunter like it’s the most natural thing you’ve ever known — and maybe it is. You’re healed up, by now, or about as healed as anybody gets in this world, and your shoulder only bothers you when you move it too much. Even with that, you’re pretty sure that you could take the man on. Now that you’re not hazy with sleep, caught off guard, held back by any sort of earthly tether.

You’re strong. And despite FEDRA’s harsh reign, their dire consequences for rule-breaking, you have a switchblade stuffed into your shoe. You could do it. You could kill him.

There’s no question about it in your mind, especially as you follow him from a distance, and he remains none the wiser. He takes a left, and a moment later, so do you. He’s clueless. It’s almost painful that he was the one who managed to get the jump on you. How could you have let this man kill your mother?

He skids to a stop outside of a doorway, so you slide down the wall of the building opposite and listen. He pays you no mind as he knocks twice on the door.

“What d’you want, Colin?” The man who opened the door asked gruffly, seemingly inconvenienced by the man. He sounded tired, or out of it, maybe.

“I need the supply.” Colin answered, and the sound of his voice sent a shiver down the back of your neck. It echoed in your ears, the words he said that day. Good. Everything in you itched, like thousands of critters had dug into you and made a home scuttling around your insides. You wanted to kill him. You wanted to end his life, and you wanted to make it slow. Brutal. Painful. Even if it meant you were hung by FEDRA tomorrow morning. It’d be worth it.

The man at the door sighed, as if deeply bothered by getting Colin what he needed, and disappeared inside. He emerged a moment later, empty handed. “I’m all out. You’ll have to go across town tomorrow.” The man said flatly, saying nothing as Colin swore, before stepping away.

You ducked your head down as Colin passed, all too aware of the man in the doorway watching you suspiciously. After a moment, he sighed again, and retreated inside, slamming the door after himself. It took almost no time at all for you to push yourself back to your feet, and take off after the man who had left.

Despite your pounding footsteps against cracked concrete, he didn’t pay you any mind as you caught up to him. He seemed focused on getting to wherever it was that he was unknowingly leading you to, glancing up at the darkening sky every other step. FEDRA’s curfew would be coming into play soon enough.

To your disappointment, he walked into an apartment building, about three blocks away from your own. It seemed that, unless you were willing to risk being caught and stopped, today wasn’t the day you would be avenging your mother. You vowed that tomorrow you would do it. You would kill Colin. No matter what got in your way.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

By the time curfew was lifted, you had been waiting by the exit of your building for an hour.

The switchblade in your shoe felt heavy with every step you took towards the home of your mother’s killer. It weighed almost as much as the picture in your pocket. All of it was heavy. But you acted as normally as you could manage, passing by patrolling FEDRA guards without them so much as glancing towards you.

You were waiting by his building when the door opened, when he stepped out, and headed determinedly in the opposite direction from which you had come. You followed without a moment of hesitation.

He made his way around town, trading with a few people on the side of the streets, handing them small wads of ration cards in favour of various items. Nothing dangerous, though. Not to you. He clearly was oblivious to your loitering figure, standing a few metres away, like some omen of death. Despite your shadow reaching for his shoes as the sun rose, he didn’t flinch.

It was irritating you, just how easy this was. You had been following the man for two days now, and he hadn’t even noticed. How had he gotten the drop on you? How had he managed to kill your mother? How had you allowed him the opportunity to do so?

There was nothing remotely special about him — no reason that he should have survived over your mother, no reason that he should have been granted mercy over the last twenty years. He didn’t deserve it. Not like your mother had. She had done the best she could, for years, for the only daughter in her care. And she had done it all alone. This man, Colin, he was alone, and he had no reason to hurt her. You were going to make sure he regretted it.

You loomed at the entrance of an alleyway as he walked down it, finally stopping at a dead end, leaning against the brick wall as if he was waiting for something. Or someone. You knew it wasn’t you he was waiting for, so you bided your time, cautious of someone happening upon the two of you. If they had business with him, they would care. If they didn’t, then nobody but FEDRA would care.

By the time you finally decided to move, almost an hour had passed, and Colin was facing away from you at the entrance of the alley, head pressed to the bricks.

It was strange, what the innate desire to hunt and kill could bring out in you, that it could make you move silently without thinking about it. It could make you reach for the blade in your shoe, without so much as a rustle of your clothes.

With a final glance back at the entrance of the alleyway, you grew impatient, and you attacked.

From an outside perspective, you probably looked like some kind of wild animal. You jumped at him, tackling him, pushing him sideways and landing on his back as his shoulder smacked the asphalt, and he howled in pain. It was like seeing a cheetah hunt an antelope, the way you bored down on him. If you could have widened your jaws, and ripped out his insides, you think you would have.

But without that ability, you could only press the cold metal blade to his throat, and feel him go still.

“Do you remember me?” You asked, voice flat and still, despite the way your heart felt as though it would beat out of your chest, and splatter down in front of his face. You were quieter than you had expected, too. You thought that the words would burst out of you, vicious and unending, but they were quiet. Calm.

Colin shook his head, as much as he could with the side of his face pressed to the ground, and a blade to the soft skin of his neck.

“Think about it.”

His eyes strained to try and get a look at you, and they widened as you leant sideways slightly, allowing him to gaze at your blank face. “Oh, shit,” He said, mouth fumbling around the words.

“Yeah, shit.” You repeated, waiting for satisfaction to seep into your chest cavity, waiting for the grief to fade away.

It didn’t.

Nothing changed, even as you pressed the blade closer to his throat, even as you watched his eyes dart back and forth, as you watched him try and formulate a plan to survive. “Listen, kid—” He started, throat bobbing against the knife, drawing the tiniest line of blood. You watched him bleed, and expected to feel more than numb.

He threw your weight backwards, sacrificing more skin on his throat to your knife. You went flying off of him, but you flung yourself forward faster than he could stagger up, and dug the knife into his calf as he tried to stand. His yell pierced the air, louder than any of the commotion yet, and likely drawing attention of people out on the street. You just hoped, distantly, that FEDRA wasn’t around.

His flesh and muscle moved as you pulled the blade free, and you didn’t flinch at the squelch of blood that left him alongside it.

Colin fell back to the floor, resulting in crawling along the asphalt without care for how the small stones cut into his palms, leaving streaks of blood. “You don’t gotta do this, man, chill out!” His voice had more emotion in it than it had back when he killed your mother, which was infuriating. “It wasn’t personal!” He insisted, crawling further as you got to your feet, prowling after him similarly to the wild animal you felt like.

You’d disagree with his statement, though.

He already had your pack, you had already relinquished your gun — the only thing you refused to do was turn so you could be executed. If you were going to be killed, you were going to look your murderer in the eye. Instead of that, though, Colin had decided to make it personal. He had decided to kill your mother, to spread her brains out on the ground in front of you, to cover you in her blood, rather than spare her. And then, worse, he had let you live.

That seemed pretty personal.

“You killed my mom.” You stated, getting closer as he turned so he was facing you, watching you get closer. “D’you remember what you said to me?”

He shook his head.

“You said good. You were glad that it was my mother. Admit it, Colin. Tell the world all about how not-personal it was.”

More than anything, you wanted to feel satisfaction for how badly he was trembling beneath you, for how scared you were making him. But you just didn’t. Fear wasn’t enough. Not for what this man had done to you.

“I’m—I’m sorry.” He said, shaking, still shying away from you,

“No, you’re not. You’re sorry that I’m here, that you’re going to die. And that isn’t something to be sorry for.”

“Pl—Please, I have a daughter—a son, you don’t need to do this.” He begged, tearing up as he watched your grip on the switchblade tighten, watched you continue to approach. He was pathetic. Everything about him was pathetic.

“She had a daughter, too.”

His eyes widened as you leaped at him once again, digging your knife as deep as you could get it into his shoulder, feeling it graze bone as you pushed the hilt firmly against his skin, until you could practically hear the blood vessels breaking. He howled, a wounded animal, prey. And he did nothing as your fist descended against his face, once, twice, a third time.

It was just as you were losing count that somebody grabbed you, hauling you up and away from the body sprawled out on the floor, the puddle of blood slowly expanding beneath him. His chest was stuttering, but he had stopped groaning minutes ago.

“Well, shit.” A woman’s voice said, not sounding particularly authoritarian, so you figured she wasn’t FEDRA.

The hands grasping onto your arms released them shortly after, and you dropped to the asphalt, watching Colin’s chest closely, waiting for his breathing to stop. It didn’t seem to be slowing much, and you could feel that unending wave of rage coming back to you, overruling the numbness, and enhancing your need to have him dead.

You moved the slightest bit, about to launch yourself at him, but as soon as your foot was pushing you from your spot on the ground, the hands wrapped around your arms again.

“Fuck! Get off of me!”

“We can’t let you kill the guy, for fuck’s sake. We got business with him!” The woman spoke again, sounding increasingly irate as she moved to get between you and your mother’s murderer.

“He deserves to die. He deserves to be killed. Get off!” You practically roared, resorting to a state not unlike a feral cat, spitting and hissing, spine curling, trying to claw at the hands holding onto you. They stayed steady, even when you managed to scratch one of them deep enough to break skin.

The woman swore again, “Everybody deserves to die, get a hold of yourself!”

“Tess, ‘s probably best if we get him out of here.” The man gripping you said, voice straining slightly as he focused on keeping you restrained. He couldn’t do anything but hold on to you and watch as Tess dragged the guy, by his ankle, down the alley slightly, banging on a side door that you hadn’t even noticed. It opened, and the man inside swore before helping Tess grab the guy and haul him inside.

As soon as the door was safely shut, the man released you.

You walked to the end of the alley, gripping at the back of your head, swearing the whole way. You were probably screaming, given the way your throat was grating on every word, but the sound didn’t register.

“Joel, you’d better get in here.” Tess called, poking her head out of the door. You could hear the irritation in her voice, but it was immediately sent to the back of your mind as you realised what she had actually just said. You whirled around.

He wasn’t exactly what you were expecting.

But he was… familiar.

You couldn’t help it — you laughed, almost hysterically.

“Are you kidding me?” You said, voice strained with laughter, “You are Joel? Miller?” You asked, wanting him to say no and be done with it all so badly, but you knew that he wouldn’t say that. It was ingrained in your blood, in your very DNA.

He stared uncomprehendingly at you, as if expecting a spark of recognition to go through him, but it didn’t happen. You saw Tess step cautiously out of the building, apparently prepared to have Joel’s back, no matter what your next move was.

“Who are you?” Joel asked, instead of answering your question, or even making a move towards where you had begun to cry. If only he fucking knew — he had just saved the man who had murdered your mother, who had murdered the woman who was, once upon a time, his wife.

You reached into your pocket, uncaring of the way they both reached for what you assumed were weapons, and pulled out the photo. The moment you unfolded it, revealing him stood next to your mother, it was certain. This man was your father. You held the photo out towards him.

“Joel—” Tess warned, as he stepped forward, but he dismissed her with a look, clearly communicating that he could handle himself. He wasn’t worried, despite the state Colin had been in when they had arrived.

He stared at the photo, brows creasing, face drawing blank, before he reached out and took it. His finger ran across the image of your mother, her bright smile, not a slither of grey to be seen in her hair. “How did you get this?” He asked, clearly in disbelief, denial, maybe.

You pointed to the woman in the picture. “That’s—was my mom.”

It could’ve been funny, months, maybe years ago, the way his eyes flickered between you and the image of her, as if trying to put together how much of the statement was true. You vaguely noticed Tess shift uneasily behind him, before approaching.

“Was?” Joel decided to ask, eventually, instead of whatever else was going through his head. He said nothing to Tess as she took in the photograph he was still holding onto.

“That man, he—he killed her. A few months ago.” You said, smiling, because you couldn’t do anything else. This was all too much. First, your mother is killed. And then when you finally find somewhere potentially safe, you hear about your father. And then before you could do anything about that, you see her killer! And then, before you could finish the job, your biological dad, Joel Miller, saved his life. It wasn’t funny, but you didn’t know how else to react.

You stepped back, sliding down the brick wall behind you until you were sat on the asphalt, and could hang your head between your knees.

“Oh fuck,” Tess said, connecting the dots as she looked between you and Joel rapidly, brows furrowed as she became increasingly concerned. “Don’t tell me that she’s—” She shook her head, turning away from the photo and Joel and you, running a hand through her greasy hair.

Joel was still processing, or at least that’s what it looked like to you. He was staring at the photo, strangely still, seeming blank of any and all emotions.

Tess paced for a moment more, before releasing a heavy breath. She walked past Joel, over to you. “Okay, c’mon.” She said, holding out a hand for you. When you hesitated, she waved her hand and barely refrained from putting it in your face. “C’mon, we’ve gotta get you out of here before Colin goes to FEDRA.” You take her hand, surprised by her strength as she hauls you to your feet in an instant, releasing you immediately. She shook her head again. “Joel, time to go.”

He looked at her, and then towards you, nodding once. You said nothing when he put the picture in his own pocket, instead of handing it back. You hesitantly followed after Tess, wondering what your next move should be, and Joel followed after the two of you, looking stricken.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

None of you had said anything, the entire time Tess had hurried you through borders and to what you assumed was their apartment. It felt like it was miles away from your own.

The wallpaper was yellowed with age, slowly drooping down the walls, peeling away at corners, but it wasn’t the worst state it could’ve been in. The floral pattern didn’t really lend itself to the vibes of the apocalypse, though. Nor did it match either Tess or Joel’s stoic and tough demeanours.

You had no idea what to expect from this.

For as long as you could remember, your mother had told you tales of your father, of the great man he was, the great father he was. But here, on the other side of a worldwide outbreak of infection, you couldn’t quite match the image in front of you to the man in those stories. You had spent so long thinking of him as being dead, unable to do anything to find you or your mother from a grave, that to learn he was alive, and with Tess, it was a shock to your system.

Where was Sarah? Where was the half-sister you had heard so much about from your mother?

Despite Joel matching the name, and the photo that your mother had kept, it just didn’t feel like he was the man you had been imagining as your father. He didn’t seem kind or caring, he didn’t look like he had any love left in him. And maybe, you could have accepted that, if he had other aspects to him, if he hadn’t let your mother’s killer live.

“What happened the day of the outbreak?” You asked, finally, despite the way you ached to run away and cry, for your mother, for yourself, for the father you would never have. Joel just looked at you, rarely blinking as if you were a figment of his imagination, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

“No, we are asking you questions.” Tess responded, clearly taking the lead on the situation, despite having no connection to you. It really shouldn’t have been her business. You scoffed. “Where did you come from?” She asked you, unblinking in the face of your disbelief.

You shook your head, “How is that even relevant?”

“Because I said it is.”

“I don’t care what you say. He’s my dad. You’re not my mom.” You replied, roughly, angrily, and you’re only more irritated when Tess doesn’t even react. You become furious when Joel says nothing. “Are you going to say anything?”

Tess went to speak, but you spoke again before she could utter a word.

“Not even about how you let my mother’s killer go? You don’t have anything to say about that?” You questioned, stepping towards him where he had taken a seat on the couch in front of that god-forsaken wallpaper.

There was an awkward lull in the room, each of you waiting for Joel to speak. He seemed unsure if he was going to speak at all, his brows furrowing further, and he pulled the photo out of his pocket to look at once again.

“She died, years ago. My—my kids…” Joel swallowed, and shook his head. He placed the photo down beside him. The photo meant nothing. You could’ve been to his house, and brought it here with you, never having met the woman he hadn’t seen since the day the world fell apart.

“Did you even look for us?” You asked him, head tilting, eyes stinging, wanting desperately for him to say yes, to say he scoured the world but missed you somehow. But looking at him, covered with scars, you could see he was nothing like the man your mother remembered. He didn’t care, not like she thought he had. The man in front of you wasn’t your father — he was a disappointment. He was your father’s shell.

Joel didn’t speak, swallowing harshly, seemingly unable to form any words.

“You’re nothing like she said you were.” You told him quietly, shaking your head, reaching by his side and taking the picture. You wanted to rip his half off, throw it at him, denounce him, tell him he wasn’t your father, that he was never worthy of your mother, but you couldn’t. It was the only thing that you would ever have of the father you should’ve had. The man your mother had loved. She’d already had so much taken from her, you couldn’t, even after her death, take Joel away too. He could live on in the memory. In pictures.

They didn’t say anything when you turned your back on them, shoving the picture in your pocket, and walking out of their door. You slammed it behind you, felt the walls of their apartment tremble with the force, and kept walking.

Part of you, a big part, wished that Joel Miller would have stayed dead. At least that way, you could have kept pretending.

591 notes · View notes

audhd-nightwing · 1 month

Text

pjo x batkids

DICK & JAY

neither of them know they’re demigods, dick thought john grayson was his bio dad and jason thought catherine was his bio mom.

hermes met dick’s mom while she was traveling with the circus. he stayed with marie for about two years after dick was born (taking care of him while she performed) before leaving. a few years later she met john grayson and fell in love. she would often read dick greek myths but never told him about his parentage.

after dick’s parents die in gotham, he (10) is sent to juvie and then an orphanage, which he runs away from.

he survives on the streets for a few months by busking (performing tricks for money) and living in abandoned buildings that no one else can reach. he then meets 8 year old jason todd who is living with catherine and willis todd. they bond pretty much immediately and dick visits him every day. they do cons and steal tires together, plus dick is an expert pickpocket. he is there for jason when catherine and then willis die, and they live in willis’ shitty apartment together.

about a year later they are found by a satyr who explains that they are demigods and that there’s a summer camp for kids like them. they are VERY distrustful at first because that sounds crazy but also it’s a satyr so maybe they’re not lying. eventually they decide they might as well go, gotham is a shithole anyway.

they get to CHB without incident bc neither of them really attract monsters and the Gotham Stench hides their scents anyway. they are the first of the batkids to arrive at camp.

dick (11) is claimed by hermes about three weeks after arriving. him and jason (9) live at camp year-round. when he’s 16 dick becomes head counselor of hermes cabin.

JASON

son of athena. father unknown. was left on the streets and found by catherine todd, who convinced willis to take him in. he was living with them when he met dick. they immediately bonded and after jason is orphaned they live together, until a year later when a satyr finds them.

he’s not claimed for a while after arriving, but doesn’t really mind bc it means he gets to stay with dick. eventually claimed years later but still eats lunch with the hermes cabin cuz dick is his family.

CASS

hades/bruce meets lady shiva and falls in love with her deadliness. they have a child together but he has to abandon her bc the ‘no more kids’ pact the big 3 have.

sandra wu-san meets david cain while pregnant and tasks him with training her daughter. he agrees and lady shiva leaves soon after giving birth. cain does not know she’s a demigod. he trains her to be the perfect weapon and hades/bruce can do nothing about it without alerting his brothers to her existence.

her powers manifest after the first time she kills someone (at 8), and she runs away. she travels across the world for years until a satyr finds her and brings her to CHB. she (10) is claimed soon after, and enjoys living alone in the hades cabin. chiron and babs teach her how to read and speak, even tho she’s learned a bit over the years. she arrives a year after dick (12) & jason (10)

TIM

athena met jack and janet drake at one of their archeological digs, and admired their intellect. she gave them tim as a gift. jack and janet spent the first few years of his life at home with him, until they decided he was old enough to join them on their travels. he was an incredibly smart child and was very self-sufficient, so it didn’t cause them any trouble. he didn’t go to school, but had a tutor that accompanied them on their trips.

when he is 10 his parents die in a plane crash that he survives. after their funeral, he ditches NYC (where they were buried) and athena sends an owl to guide him to camp. he arrives at CHB about a year after cass (11) and 2 years after dick (13) & jason (11). he is jay’s favorite bio sibling.

STEPH

daughter of hermes. raised by crystal brown in gotham until a satyr finds her (11) and brings her to camp. frequently exchanges letters with her mom. arrives a year after tim (11), two years after cass (12), and three years after dick (14) and jason (12)

claimed few months after arriving at camp. she is dick’s favorite bio sibling

DUKE

son of apollo. one of the rare apollo children that can control light. raised by his mom in newark until they were attacked by a monster and his mom was injured.

he left in order to keep her safe, and went to CHB (which apollo had told her about, and she told duke about). he keeps in contact with her through letters and iris messages. he is claimed about a month after arriving at camp. he (11) arrives two years after steph (13), three years after tim (13), four years after cass (14) and five years after dick (16) and jason (14)

DAMIAN

similar to lady shiva, bruce/hades is captivated by talia’s deadliness. they have a child together, which she tries to hide from ra’s, but he soon finds out and learns he is a demigod. to him, this makes him even more fit to ascend the demon throne (the LoA is a cult, and the lazarus pit is magic).

damian is trained to defeat monsters and humans alike, and is gifted a stygian iron sword for his fifth birthday. bruce/hades had told talia about CHB, and she is finally able to send damian there when he is 10.

he arrives three years after duke (14), five years after steph (16), six years after tim (16), seven years after cass (17), and eight years after dick (19) and jason (17)

BABS

has been at CHB since she was 13, the same year dick & jason arrived. she is the new oracle of delphi. basically rachel elizabeth dare. is 21 when damian arrives. was paralyzed at 16 when she tried to interfere with a prophecy, and has been in a wheelchair since

HELENA

daughter of ares, became a Hunter of Artemis at 16 (the year duke arrived at CHB)

#pjo x dc #my au #pjo au #dc comics #dick grayson #jason todd #cassandra cain #tim drake #stephanie brown #duke thomas #damian al ghul #barbara gordon #helena bertinelli #my writing #percy jackson #demigod au #pjo x batfam

67 notes · View notes

afterthegreatunknown · 26 days

Text

A Headcanon Regarding the Violet’s Father Debate

Beatrice Baudelaire. A talented actress and performer whose charming ways wins anyone over, who has a high-standing rank due to being a Baudelaire, one of two oldest VFD Families. And with a great dislike for it, this defaults Beatrice getting more respect and recognition.

Such respect and recognition surely mean Violet Baudelaire’s father is also of equal standing.

And Bertrand B. is one of equal standing. While new to the organization, he became The Golden Boy™ of his generation. He is the volunteer who all the older volunteers of the previous generation think can do no wrong. He is the volunteer in Bertrand’s generation who is well-respected and generally like.

But Lemony Snicket is also of equal standing, and it’s not just because he’s born into an old VFD Family. A trouble-making volunteer, he can show how driven he is when it comes to goals, which is admirable to those of his generation. And his devotion to those he cares for makes him well-liked and generally respected.

Clearly, Beatrice having two lovers that are evenly match means almost everyone should spend time debating the biological identity of Violet Baudelaire’s father. They wouldn’t be doing so if Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony told everyone themselves to avoid the debate.

The thing is, the three don’t care. Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony, after a very discreet meeting, agree that biological shouldn’t matter to the identity of Violet’s father. They all agree that Bertrand is Violet’s father. Bertrand is the one who was there when Violet was born. Bertrand is the one who [will] raise Violet alongside Beatrice. Bertrand is the one who Beatrice pick to start a family with. And Lemony holds no ill-will towards Bertrand for being the one Beatrice picked, as well as holding no ill-ill towards Beatrice for picking the one who can be there to support her and her child.

With Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony having pick their positions, it’s time to know the others.

Team ‘Lemony is Violet’s Bio-Dad’:

Esme (Believes Lemony and Beatrice forgot to use protection. She also thinks it’s amusing and pathetic that Bertrand is raising someone else’s child.)

Kit (More often than not, Kit thinks Violet is Lemony’s child, because she wants Lemony to be around in the most unlikely ways. This led to fights with Jacques.)

Frank (Based off the timing of the breakup and when Beatrice and Bertrand went to the Island. He is convinced they know the truth and lying.)

Ernest (Follows Frank’s logic. However, he thinks Beatrice and Bertrand went to the Island without knowing, so they’re convince Violet isn’t Lemony’s daughter.)

R (Follows Frank’s logic. R also asked Lemony upright, being one the few he kept contact during this time period but got no answer.)

Gustav (Because of all the constant drama, he just picks a side on the fly in case they have to state their opinion on the matter.)

Olivia (Flat out asked Beatrice and Bertrand if Violet is Lemony’s kid, leading to the couple to say no. Olivia is convinced they’re lying to her.)

Ellington (She found copies of ASOUE at a few bookstores, and she draws her own conclusions without any influences what-so-ever.)

Team ‘Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad’:

Olaf (By ASOUE, he’s running under the logic ‘the couple that slayed together, have kids together.’ Before, Olaf was convinced Lemony is a prude who used protection)

Jacques (As much as he wants Violet to be Lemony’s child, Jacques can never find traces of Lemony in Violet’s face, which lead to many fights with Kit.)

Josephine (Is convinced Violet is a premature child. Due to eventually losing contact with Beatrice and Bertrand, she never got her answer for sure.)

Ike (Due to an ill-spoken rumor that relates to Gregor being Fiona’s biological father, Ike chooses to believe Bertrand isn’t raising someone else’s child.)

Widdershins (Believes the timing works better with Betrand as Violet’s father than Lemony. Might factor with Widdershins believing the false reports of Lemony.)

Miranda (She was after all, on the Island with Beatrice and Bertrand. She knows of Beatrice’s past with Lemony, but Miranda is certain Violet is Bertrand’s child.)

Ishmael (Arrived on the Island when Beatrice was in her Third Trimester, and therefore assumed Betrand is the father. He did briefly consider Lemony is Violet’s biological father after reading the in-universe ASOUE book, but reject it.)

Moxie (Random Headcanon Time! I think there’s several Editors: Awful Editor, Dreadful Editor, and Kind Editor. Moxie is the Kind Editor, after she and Lemony semi-got back in contact. After hearing everything of the topic from the horse’s mouth that is Lemony, Moxie is all, “Yeah, Bertrand is Violet’s father.”)

Team: ‘Wait, are you serious? This is an actual topic of debate?’ Also Known as: Team ‘Haven’t decided yet’:

Fernald (He knew the topic exist because he once saw Kit and Jacques getting into an argument about it, but it’s TEE when Fernald realize it’s a serious topic because Olaf and Esme ask about his stance and panic answers, “Unsure.”).

The rest of the Acting Troupe (Olaf and Esme started to argue about it again post TVV but pre-THH. They asked Fernald if they should get involve. Fernald tells them not to worry over it for now and they roll with it.)

Hugo, Colette, Kevin (Olaf and Esme got into another argument in TPP but because they’re the only remaining ‘Troupe’ left they can’t ask anyone what the hell they’re talking about so they’re just confused.)

The rest of the Associates (Whenever Ellington shows up to visit Moxie, the two sometimes get into arguments about it. Everyone is quiet when it happens. While they know Moxie is in contact of sorts with Lemony, they have no idea how serious of a topic it is between the two women until they see the arguments themselves.)

Team ‘Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad’…but only because they have no idea of the theory Lemony is Violet’s Bio-Dad:

All of the Unfortunate Generation (Why should they know?)

Dewey (He was hiding away from the world before Fiona was born. Him meeting Violet when Beatrice and Bertrand visiting him was a nice, sweet surprise, and the couple didn’t want to ask if he heard of the theory from his brothers to ruin said meeting. Ernest and Frank —and later on Kit and others who do visit Dewey— never told Dewey their opinion because they want Dewey to be happy for his friends getting together and having a daughter/eventual family.)

Monty (He was traveling when the Violet’s Father Debate was at its highest, and came back after Beatrice and Bertrand’s return, when Violet was almost one year old. No one told Monty their opinions/informed him of the theory Lemony is Violet’s Bio-Dad because they want Monty to be happy his friends got together and had a daughter/eventual family while away.)

Charles (Think Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad because Kit told him via letter when she was [back to] thinking Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad.)

Hector (Isolated at the Village of Fowl Devotee after Fiona was born, but before Violet was born. Thinks Bertrand is Violet’s Bio-Dad due to Ike and Josephine.)

Georgina (Began her isolation in Paltryville before Violet was born, so the last things she heard is “Lemony is dead” and “Beatrice and Bertrand went to the Island.” Upon hearing word Beatrice and Bertrand came back from the Island and they now have a baby, Georgina is convinced Bertrand took advantage of Beatrice’s grief)

Phil + Hal (Naturally assumes the Baudelaires share the same father; in Phil’s case being on the Crew of Two on the Queequeg has Widdershins never telling him about this debate, and in Hal’s case Kit didn’t think about telling him about the debate)

Theodora + Jerome (Also naturally assumes that the Baudelaires share the same father. Both knew Beatrice and Lemony were a thing. Jerome figured Beatrice only decided to raise a family after becoming serious with Bertrand. In Theodora’s case, she believed Beatrice got pregnant on the Island, and it went from there.)

Half of the Original Schism Generation (Ex: Monty’s Sister, Adeline. Follows Theodora’s logical because it makes the most sense.)

Team ‘Can You All Shut the Ever-Loving F*CK UP’:

Sally (Hearing the debate so much got to where Sally wanted to hear nothing about Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony for weeks. It got so bad, she once stopped talking to Gustav and other associates’ mid-way in conversations whenever it’s brought up.)

Larry + Haruki (Would have picked a side if people kept it as a minor thing but it got too large of a matter at hand, and two collectively went, “Fuck you we pick none!”)

Raymond ‘Q’ Quagmire + Joan Quagmire + Joan’s Triplet Sisters’ Alex and Lindsey (Raymond and Joan made cards that says if anyone brings up the topic in any of their presence, they have to pay a $1000 dollar fine. Alex and Lindsey made it a permanent ban topic by threatening everyone to change the fine to $10, 000 dollars)

Thursday (Miranda never told him the theory about Lemony being Violet’s Bio-Dad. He only knows about because Kit unnecessary told him the theory without him having a choice on the matter on day over a cup of Turkish coffee. Whenever Kit tries to bring it up again Thursday excuses himself from the table and hides out in the restroom/makes an excuse to cut their meeting short.)

TMWBBNH and TWWHBNB (Think the Baudelaires are small potatoes in the grand schemes of things. It’s not their concern and they are able to get Olaf and Esme to shut up about it before they even argue about it whenever around.)

Team Dead and Therefore Excluded:

Pretty much any dead character by the ASOUE Period, canonically or assumed otherwise (Ex: Gregor, the other half of the Original Schism Generation like Dashiell, N Caliban because I headcanon N is dead, and others not mentioned here.)

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #beatrice baudelaire #bertrand baudelaire #lemony snicket #violet baudelaire #(the post is about her so it counts)#atwq #all the wrong questions #headcanons #book verse #sugar bowl gen #sugar bowl generation #not going to make the attempt to tag everyone #long post #even when putting a read more

31 notes · View notes

galacticwarpedlense · 10 months

Text

My opinions on Maru and Seb's family

Huh, something not about Elliott...how different.

I have some complicated feelings about the fam as I don't really dislike any of them but I can see their faults. To try and make a long LONG post a bit shorter, I'll just mention a fault I see with every person, a way they either can or could have fixed it and if I see any reconciliation specifically with Sebastian and Demetrius, the most obvious strained relationship.

Let's start with the character I most relate to, Demetrius. I like the guy. He seems very nice, cares about the environment, and he clearly loves his wife and daughter. Where he falters is obviously how he raised Sebastian. But not exactly how I think most have said he has. He clearly tried to raise Sebastian from both the book in his room called "Practical Tips For First-Time Step-Dads" and Sebastian's dialogue criticizing Demetrius's attempts at discipline. At some point though, he seemed to have just given up on trying to the point where he doesn't even mention Seb in his dialogue. Do I think Demetrius was being malicious? No. I'm under the personal headcanon that he's probably on the spectrum (from other unrelated dialogue and events) so he possibly just struggled to communicate. Let us remember that the man never says anything negative about Sebastian. I think he should have spent more time trying to understand Sebastian rather than giving up to raise Maru instead.

Then there's the main boy himself. Sebastian. I do not think he's mainly at fault, however, I do think he has some fault. He is very quick to make snide comments about his sister and step-father and while Demetrius can be argued to be deserved, Maru has wanted nothing more than to be closer to Sebastian so it seems oddly cruel. I will give Seb some leeway since he was clearly a child when his father left and that can cause some scars and children should not be expected to act as maturely as adults should. We don't know much about his bio dad but we can at least assume he's not in Seb's life anymore for whatever reason. I do understand that can lead to abandonment issues and a need to distance yourself so you don't get hurt but I'm pretty sure that's also the catalyst to the strain on his relationship with his step-dad. Not the cause, the cause is mutual distancing, but the catalyst. I think Seb needed to be more open with Demetrius and Maru rather than shutting them out and he still has a chance to do that, Maru still wants to have a sibling relationship, Demetrius still has that book, neither have completely given up on him, but he needs to accept that olive branch before they do.

I have some commentary on Robin's involvement in that strained relationship or more accurately, the lack of involvement. Robin does seem like a loving wife (if a bit mean to Demetrius sometimes) and an attentive mother being doting on her son and daughter... though I do think she babies Sebastian a little. But that's not my issue with her. I think she was way too distant with her family's relationship with each other. She's basically the glue that holds these people together and we can only assume that she simply watched her family grow distant. No one mentions her trying to repair the damage and she doesn't show concern about how distant Sebastian is becoming from the family. She mentions Seb's distance from her but not Maru or Demetrius. There isn't much evidence of her stepping in to either convince Seb to give Demetrius a chance or to inform Demetrius of the actions he's doing that are driving Seb away. I feel like she should have stepped in more.

Then there's Maru. Probably the most faultless person in the family. Like Seb, she was a child when the strains in her family's relationship started so there was little she could do. She wanted to have a sibling relationship with Sebastian but he was too closed off so she just stuck with having a relationship with her parents instead. I think she definitely could tone down on the condescension as if she can show that to the farmer, she's probably said worse to her family. But other than that, she was simply a kid born into a distant family.

Wow, this ended up being longer than I thought it would be...

Uh, in conclusion, this family needs to talk to each other. Communication is important. And probably family therapy. Lot's of family therapy.

#stardew valley #sdv headcanons #sdv #stardew sebastian #stardew maru #stardew robin #stardew demetrius #sdv sebastian #sdv maru #sdv robin #sdv demetrius #Can we get this family some counseling

85 notes · View notes

foralternateuniverses · 3 months

Text

Acechiji A Whisker Away au

Prompt given by @loopyarts while talking about Ichiji + cats combo in the server, so ofc I had to run with the idea.

FIRST. BACKSTORIES.

Ace:

Roger was a bit of an absent father due to work, Rogue was the main caretaker, but she died when Ace was like 5, then he ended up in Dadan's care, with Sabo and Luffy.

Sabo was taken in by Roger because of the neglect he suffered from his bio parents, but since he was basically send to Dadan immediately Ace didn't hold anything against him.

Finally, when Ace is like, 14-16, Roger retires and returns home, with Raleigh. Since he's the legal guardian of both Ace and Sabo he takes both home, Luffy stays with Dadan, tho they're still pretty much neighbors so they see each other daily (and at school).

Ace is not happy.

Vinsmokes:

Sora and Judge divorced when the boys were like 4-5, but since Sora died when they were 8, they went back to being under Judge's care, as Zeff could not claim guardianship of the kids.

Sanji kept running away to stay with Zeff as much as possible, Judge just gave up on him, although he still scolds him from time to time, like Sanji, Reiju is mostly left ignored, as is Yonji, who learnt to keep as much to himself.

Generally speaking, they have a lot of leeway as long as they help Judge maintain his image and obey, good scores, athletic and artistic, keep the image of prodigy; and Judge also has his hands tied due to the records Sora left of abuse, having sued him previously, and winning the case, he only has the kids now cuz he's their only family left, Zeff (and everyone from the Baratie, basically) is keeping and eye on him tho.

Niji and Sanji are the ones who fight the most with Judge, Yonji and Reiju tend to keep to themselves, and Ichiji, well, he's his golden child, so extra pressure on him.

The one time he ever disobeyed his father (and was caught) was when he took Nyasha in, he convinced his siblings to help him keep the cat in secret (he had done so on his own at first) but Judge ended up finding out sooner than later, he destroyed everything Ichiji had bought the cat (along with some other Stuff that Ichiji held dear) and ended up hitting Ichiji when he jumped in to protect Nyasha from receiving Judge's violence. Reiju had to hold Niji back from jumping Judge, Sanji ran to get Zeff and Yonji went to check on Ichiji. Judge left with the threat and order "either you get rid of that thing or I'll do it myself" so they took Nyasha to Zeff, who had to be held down from going to the police ("you won't get custody, so we'll be sent to the system and separated, I rather we stay together, we just need to hang on for a little longer")

Reiju wants to take custody of her siblings once she turns 18, it will be hard but she'll be damned if she doesn't try, and well, Zeff and the Baratie staff will help and support her.

All this happens before Acechiji (ASL+1234 ) finally meet (at school).

A messy lineless sketch cuz I was running out of drawing juice

ASL & 124 meet officially thanks to Sanji getting adopted into Luffy's friend group (Reiju knew of Ace and Sabo but hadn't really interacted with them).

Ace caught Ichiji's attention before meeting though.

It doesn't take too long Acechiji to start their, lest call it courting, but it goes a snails pace because Ichiji's fears regarding Judge, which leads to a lot of mixed signals and confusion, until they finally have their little fight in the festival and Ace walks off and ends up getting the mask.

The fight being: Ichiji responds positively to his advances, not always tho, he's kind of sending mixed signals.

So they're out with their friends in the festival and, as usual, Ichiji responds positively to Ace's flirtations, to the point where Ace finally had the courage and, while they're alone on the back, ignored by the people surrounding them, Ace gives him a very brief peck on the cheek, but Ichiji responds the most negatively he has ever reacted. Suddenly very anxious (Judge may not be homophobic but he is very classist and controlling .Ichiji is worried that if Judge found out the man would just straight up send him to an abroad school or something, and Ichiji likes his life there, his siblings, Zeff and the Baratie, his friends, and well, Ace.), he covers his cheek and looks around, he scolds Ace for what he did, both blushing in embarrassment and anger.

Ace thinks that Ichiji is ashamed of him or sth, brings up the mixed signals, but Ichiji closes himself off, so Ace ends up walking off on his own, the most angry he has ever been at Ichiji, and a little heartbroken too.

That's when he meets the salesman, and puts on the mask.

Ichiji finds him because, after cooling down, he thought about everything and went to look for Ace, to maybe try and talk things out, maybe tell Ace the truth about everything, instead he finds a black kitten.

Like in the movie, Ace keeps turning into a cat to finally see all that Ichiji is hiding from him, specially since things have become awkward with Ichiji (there's some self sabotage going on on Ichiji's side and well, Ace can't simply reveal whatever little he has learnt).

Also, we will only see the mask seller twice or thrice, when he gives the mask to Ace with the time limit warning, later when he reminds him of the deal and having suggested telling Ichiji the truth and ends up taking Ace's human face as a mask, and when the time limit comes.

Nyasha takes Ace's place, he's mad at Ace and has an argument with him when Ace goes after him to get his face back ("I'll make sure to make him happy! And if I have to become you to do so, then I will! I will succeed where you failed him!") but seeing Ichiji's (and honestly all of the siblings and Baratie's) sadness and desperation at Nyasha's disappearance shows him how loved and needed he is.

The turning point of the story comes with Ace's arrival to the Vinsmoke household, seeing how they live helps Ace understand the cause of Ichiji's reluctance and mixed signals to their relationship, as well as help him grow an appreciation to his own guardians (his dad and Raleigh, after all, they do try, you know?), however is around here when the mask seller reappears and takes his face, since Ace had the brief idea that he would only be able to be with and make Ichiji happy as Spade (until the full truth of it all finally comes out and he also grows that appreciation towards his dad and his dad's boyfriend).

With the arrival of the festival, he grows desperate and goes to the other place in search of the mask seller.

Nyasha also tells Ichiji the truth and with all the changes and everything, Ichiji hardens his resolve to fight for his relationship with Ace, so he insists on going to save him. Nyasha, ofc, agrees.

They finally catch up to each other and find the mask seller to settle everything, it seems like the mask seller will let them do as they please, but he takes Ace's mask and it disappears ("But you said you needed to be 'Spade' to make him happy, didn't you? I would never let you regret turning back into a human and losing everything you have with him, leaving him on his own in that awful, awful house") the mask is hidden somewhere in the tree of life and they need to find it, there are no hints to where it could be though.

They barely managed to find it on time, but Ace is still a bit hesitant, the mask seller and Nyasha's previous words did get to him, but Ichiji finally pours his heart out to him.

They finally return together with Nyasha and everyone celebrates together, both Nyasha's reappearance and Acechiji getting together (they will help them keep their relationship secret for as long as possible).

Niji is the least happy with their union, but that's just how he is with his siblings, the mother hen.

Finally, the moment Reiju turns 18, she moves out to a place nearby that Zeff helped her get, and she both studies and works part time at the Baratie, and proceedings begin. Having saved a lot of money (and with Zeff's support, again) she gets custody of her brothers and puts a restraining order on Judge, forcing him to move to another city.

Ace also starts bonding with his dads, specially because they found out about his relationship with Ichiji and not only helped keep it secret, but also helped Reiju settle and win the court cases. They become another safe heaven for the Vinsmoke siblings.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.

Plus a little scene.

He wiggled, because he needed to. It was hot under the sweater and his face was smushed against Ichiji's chest; his hearing revealed the fast beating of the redhead's heart. So he either combusted or wiggled.

"Shh, keep still"

Ace was, once again, squished against Ichiji's body. Being hidden under Ichiji's sweater as he was, his vision was very limited, but, based on what he could make out with his hearing, they had entered a house.

"What were you doing out so late?" He heard Reiju ask.

"Homework"

"Get off his ass Reiju" he heard Yonji farther away "dad's not home tonight anyway, let the guy be"

Reiju sighed.

"And Sanji?"

"He's staying at Zeff's again" answered Niji "He should just stay there forever at this point"

"Don't say that" scolded Reiju.

"Why not?" Yonji again "He's happy there, if it were me I would take the opportunity to never return, would dad even care?"

"I don't think he would even notice" followed Niji. Someone snorted.

"So dad's not coming back tonight?"

Reiju answered "there was an accident in the lab with one of Caesar's projects so he's staying the night there to try and solve it, I doubt he'll be back tomorrow"

The sweater's zipper was pulled down to reveal a brightly lit and spacious living room. Yonji and Niji sat together on the longest sofa, notebooks open on the low table in front of them. Reiju stood behind with a mug in her hands. They all turned to Ichiji, who, firmly yet gently, held Ace in his arms.

"Oh, Ichiji, no" Reiju frowned with pity "you know dad won't allow it"

"Just for tonight"

"That's what you said last time" complained Niji, his frown mirroring Reiju's.

However, Yonji stood up, face bright, and walked to his older brother. Ace slapped the approaching hand.

Yonji cooed "So cute"

Ace purred at the feeling of Ichiji scratching the back of his ear, he looked up and found a very small smile on the redhead's face, softening his expression.

"He is, he's also very friendly"

Yonji nodded and tried to join in the scratching, but Ace caught the limb in his maw. Yonji laughed.

"Do you want to play?"

Niji groaned "Oh, come on, Yonji, don't add fuel, you know the cat can't stay"

"Maybe Zeff can take him in, at least, I want to make sure he finds a nice home"

"Zeff only took Nyasha in because we had no time to find another person to take him in and it was either that or dad would get rid of him on his own" said Reiju, leaving her mug on the low table.

"And because you literally cried and begged him for hours" added Niji.

"Sanji was the one crying" Ichiji defended himself.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. The point is, Zeff won't take in another one of your cats, not even if you, Yonji, me, Reiju or even Sanji cry and beg, that old geezer's number one priority is his restaurant"

"And Sanji" Yonji jumped in.

"Don't interrupt me, moron. So I suggest you put that back where you found it"

Ichiji clicked his tongue "mind your own business, number two"

"O-Hey-"

Ichiji walked past everyone, ignoring their calls, and took Ace to his room.

#~Roger will forever double down in laughter at the fact that his two kids ended up with Vinsmokes~#~Ace and Ichiji were a bit baffled at Sabo and Yonji getting together. Niji almost cried (declared the Gol Ds to be an enemy and danger to #but then Sanji got with Zoro and he almost fistfought the guy #Sabo and Ace are more decent options in his eyes)~#~according to Niji #only Reiju had good taste in partners~#one piece #vinsmoke ichiji #acechiji #one piece acechiji #op acechiji #portgas d ace x vinsmoke ichiji #portgas d ace #vinsmoke siblings #germa 66 #thats probably the first one piece story/au i finish #I can't promise a fic but I'll try #a whisker away au #as always zosan and yonbo (yonjixsabo) are a must for me as is lulaw but they won't be more than hinted at here #whether Reiju ends up with Tashigi or Perona is up to the reader #same with Niji ending up with anyone at all #tho I suggest Kiku and/or Yamato #but that ain't really that important for the fic so do as you please #I went with redhead Ichiji without thinking but Loopy's dark blonde Ichiji is the canon one for this au

27 notes · View notes

vermillioncourt-if · 4 months

Note

ro's reactions of having a child with MC?

Hello! ❤️ I'd be happy to answer this! I made this pretty general, so it can be applied to biological or adopted kids!

Feel free to send me an ask if you guys want specific reacts (i.e reactions to bio kids being born, reaction to adopted kids, reaction to magic babies, etc)!

ROs Reactions With Having a Child With MC

Si Huaiqiao: Huaiqiao would be nervous but excited. He's probably the one who brought up children to MC, if MC didn't before! He's new to taking care of children, but he's a fast learner. He would probably cry when he holds their child for the first time.

Xu Chanyu: Chanyu is anxious but confident. She's taken care of children before, but is worried how she'd be as a mother! Her main point of concern is if she would drop the baby (she wouldn't) since she's clumsy. She would be a good mother. Although, she'd have problems saying 'no' to her kid, LMAO!

You Kounao: Kounao is SO excited for a child! It's all he's been talking about for Weeks. You're a bit worried he might hurt the kid with his boundless energy, but he knows how to taper it for children. Once he holds them, he would immediately take the child to go play with them, even if said kid is like 3 minutes old, LMAO!

Shen Sandong: Sandong is another one who is excited but nervous. She has had 0 experience with handling a child. She's also worried that she won't bond with the child, not being one for typical excited baby talk. MC would have to reassure her several times that she'd be okay! Don't worry though, once she sees the child, her anxieties go away!

Wei Duqiong: Duqiong is very happy to have a child with MC. His tendency towards privacy means that most people won't even know you two had a child until after it's already here, LMAO! He's confident in taking care of children, but might fumble a bit with his own! He's a good father, but perhaps a tad overprotective.

Wu Nahou: If you managed to convince Nahou to have a child, you're practically God. Nahou likes children, but she does Not want to be a mother. If you've managed to convince her, amazing. Nahou wouldn't be mean or neglect the child, but she simply isn't very maternal. That said, she'd be a good mother with MC around to balance her out!

#the vermillion court #asks #ros react #if: si huaiqiao #if: xu chanyu #if: you kounao #if: shen sandong #if: wei duqiong #if: wu nahou

21 notes · View notes

agena87 · 6 months

Text

Paul-Louis Mézières for @theosconfessions' Scarlett's Love Is Embarrassing BC

Name: Paul-Louis Mézières de l'Échelle Saint-Paulin (but he only goes by Paul-Louis Mézières) Age: 24yo Pronouns: he/him Nicknames: PL, PLM (only football fans/commentators call him that) Sexuality: straight (well… there was this time in high school with his best friend, but everyone experiments, right? Right.)(Let's just say that he wouldn't be 100% opposed to doing some naughty activities with a man) Traits: genius, active, self-assured, hot-headed, talkative Aspiration: bodybuilder Fame level: Rising star

Bio: Professional footballer (try calling him a soccer player, and see what happens), Paul-Louis Mézières is a bit of a womanizer, if he's honest, and doesn't really believe in love; not after he saw what so-called love did to his older half-sibling Alfie, and how one of his other half-brother, Reggie, was repetitively cheated on by his ex-wife. Sure, his parents have been happy together for more than 25 years, but it took his mom three marriages before she finally got her happily ever after (two for his father). Speaking of, it's his mother, Agena, who convinced him (more like wore him out) to put his submission up for Scarlett Kline's Bachelorette; claiming it would be good for him. He put up a bit of a fight but accepted in the end. Not that he doesn't find the woman gorgeous, 'cause she is, and he wouldn't mind spending some quality time with her, but love? A real relationship? Yeah, he doubts he'll ever be ready for that. But he just can't say 'no' to his mom. And who knows, maybe he'll be surprised to discover a new side of himself.

Some things to know about PL:

he's the fourth child out of five siblings. He has three half-brothers (Alfie, Reggie, and Castor), all older than him, and a younger sister, Alaria.

he plays goalie, and he's considered one of the best in the world, atm.

he's recovering from an injury he sustained during the finale of the latest world championship, which is why he has some time to participate in the challenge.

he's an avid gardener; something his mother taught him since he was a very small boy.

he's deaf (only in his left ear) from birth.

he collects sneakers and possesses more than 200 pairs. He rarely wears other shoes.

he's fluent in French (it's his father's mother tongue).

his sister refuses to speak to him since she learned that he will participate in the BC, as she had hoped to participate herself (she has had a massive crush on Scarlett for years; ever since she started watching her videos on TikTok).

Private DL

Outfits:

#ts4 #the sims 4 #oc: paul louis mézières de l'échelle saint paulin #bc submission #my pixel grandbaby is all grown-up now *cries*#just realized that pl being 24 means that al is 39 (if he's still alive)(which... given his alcohol/meds abuse is not a certain thing)#and agena is 60! my baby...

23 notes · View notes

zwy01 · 8 months

Text

Kaelestis Doodles!!!

My OC Kaelestis Blerster, son and only child of Karias Blerster. His other parent is Rael Kertia (soul fragment donor). For more info on his bio check out my pinned post!

1. Doodle dump of changes in Kaelestis’ appearance as he grows up. As a small child his hair was basically kind of like Rael’s, except even messier. Karias didn’t really do anything about his son’s hair because he thought his fluffy baby was cute that way haha. And it’s true! Though as soon as Kaelestis became aware of his own appearance he started taking care of it by combing it to the sides of his head. In general kiddie Kaelestis had a round face and this feature stays with him well into adulthood. Karias’ features kick in fairly late, when Kaelestis is much, much older. Far future Kaelestis still has that same frowny expression though. He reminds people of his uncle Razark and paternal grandfather Krasis. Kaelestis isn’t trying to frown but that’s just what his face looks like when relaxed. Dammit, he’s trying his hardest, but people just keep asking him what’s wrong. Nothing really, he’s quite content actually. Orrr maybe he could be concerned about something, who knows. Hopefully he’s not worrying about Karias doing something over the top for the nth time.

2. Karias with his tiny son! While there are some… perhaps problematic things in their father-son relationship, Kaelestis’ early childhood was a very good one and arguably the best time he’s shared with his father. Which leads to the thing I want to discuss next, and that is what’s exactly going on between the two of them, and the details of what their dynamic is like.

In general, Karias and Kaelestis have a pretty decent father-son relationship. If you asked, everyone would basically tell you that oh, they have a great relationship. And that is a correct observation, because it is true. For the most part, at least. There’s nothing abnormal or strange, and they don’t have conflicts with each other. There are even affectionate moments here and there too, though there’s more to it than what people generally see.

Remember when I said that Kaelestis is more like a parent to Karias than the other way around like it’s supposed to be? That’s actually a very long story, and it goes all the way back to Kaelestis’ early childhood, to when he was a toddler, so roughly a 20 year old ish. You see, Kaelestis was a very, very well-behaved child. So well-behaved, it’s actually quite unbelievable when you think about it in hindsight. Even the other now elegant and sophisticated nextgen nobles had to be disciplined and educated to some extent to correct rowdy, weird, and sometimes unacceptable behavior. Which was basically all of them, even the super nice ones like Asa, Alethea, and Cordelia. Except for Kaelestis. He was the only exception. People were actually kind of envious of Karias, and to them he very much won the lottery with his kid. Not to mention Kaelestis is Karias and Rael’s kid… people intially expected him to be some sort of mixture between the two of his parents, but worse. Turns out, they were totally wrong. Kiddie Kaelestis was as sweet as you could get with any child. He was honest, patient, kind, and generous. He always waited for his turn to speak, always politely and correctly addressed everyone accordingly (except for that one time when Karias convinced him with the lie that Lord Raskreia is his auntie and he actually called her that lol), and never caused mischief. It’s not that he had superior self-control; those things simply just never crossed his mind. It wasn’t in his nature to do anything out of line. People kept praising Karias for his superb parenting and everyone dreaming of having a kid like Kaelestis. He’s the best you can ever get, right? And as a parent, of course you’d want to support your kid. So Karias tells a young Kaelestis how much he loves him, he’s his baby son. Sometimes Karias would also throw in a comment about how well-behaved he is, and that he’s proud of him. Of course kiddie Kaelestis would be very happy to hear that. It’s praise from none other than the Blerster Clan Leader, his dear father who he loves and respects more than anyone else in this world! That’s where everything started, and you could say it’s for the worse. Kaelestis, who holds his father in such high regard, would take this praise as a very serious thing and more or less it got engraved in his mind. You know when you were a small kid and someone said something that could be trivial but you remembered it forever and it basically impacted the trajectory some aspect of your life? Basically that. And so Kaelestis began to take pride in the fact that he was so well-behaved, and continuing to do that would make his father as proud as ever. Before this, he wasn’t even aware of the fact that he was the “perfect” child, he simply was. Now that this became a new addition to his knowledge, of course he’s going to act on it. But to Karias, Kaelestis was still a small child (toddler equivalent) so Karias isn’t going to take it too seriously anyway. He still showered his baby with affection and always gave him attention. And Kaelestis very much enjoyed every moment of it.

Fast forward to the time when Kaelestis was the equivalent of a 8-12 year old human. You know when kids are very young the parents always treat them like baby and when they get a bit older and have thoughts of their own the parents start to really have fun with their kids? That’s what happens next. Karias doesn’t need to watch Kaelestis all the time anymore, hovering over his son and worrying about him getting himself into some sort of danger. He could let him run free for a bit. Let him be on his own, and do his own thing. Karias still spends time with his son and is affectionate with him, in a different way. Because Kaelestis now takes pride in being so well-behaved, he actually makes a conscious effort to be even more well-behaved. He’s become obsessed with the idea, more or less. Be the perfect son, don’t ever cause trouble, make Father proud because he doesn’t need to worry about me, and then Father can attend to his duties as Clan Leader with high efficiency. This was what Kaelestis knew at the time, and it truly was out of good will, as he’s being considerate of others. But what young Kaelestis didn’t know was that this also meant that he’s sacrificing his own well-being and need for closeness to his father. And Karias wasn’t even aware of this, he just thought that this is just what his kid is like, being nice as usual and that, and he can focus more on clan duties. And so Kaelestis never got the extra recognition that he yearned for, and even worse his father now spends less time with him. He got what he wanted, didn’t he? For his father to be the best Clan Leader ever? But something doesn’t feel so right, and Kaelestis starts to doubt his own decision. Even worse, Kaelestis doesn’t do anything to fix the situation, he just goes with the flow because he started this himself. His Clan Leader never asked of him for any of this. But now that it’s done, there’s no choice but to endure the consequences and move on, right? For now, he’ll continue to be the best son for his father. Because he loves him. It’ll do. This won’t go on forever, right? At least Kaelestis had thought so, though this optimism would soon be replaced with even more regret and exhaustion.

Fast forward to Kaelestis’ teen years, so the human equivalent of a 13-19 year old ish. Kaelestis’ hobbies are expanding, and his talent is truly blooming. He had discovered his love for the arts… painting, sculpture, anything really. This was his purpose in life, and his skills were really impressive. Karias is of course overjoyed and thrilled to learn that his son is so talented and that he has found his passion. And so Karias gets Kaelestis all the materials he could possibly find both inside and outside of Lukedonia, and Kaelestis is very touched by his father’s gestures. He has all this stuff with work with now! It was a real moment of joy for him, and yet another memory for him to remember forever , which would later also become tinted with melancholy. Now that Kaelestis actually has time to spend on projects, he is indirectly pushing his father away even more. Whenever Karias would drop by to check on his son and ask him how he’s doing, Kaelestis would always answers that he’s doing well, and Karias doesn’t need to worry about him, because he has art, and that’s all he needs to be happy. Which was a lie, because he actually longed for time with his father. He misses his early childhood where the two of them would spend time together everyday, all day. But he needs to not be a distraction to his father’s schedule, because he’s well-behaved right? He could hold in his feelings of yearning… right? So Karias never learns of his son’s true feelings. Because he never tells him. Which just hurts Kaelestis even more because now he’s actually reinforcing Karias’ belief that his son is all good and that his role as father isn’t one that is needed too much, because he’s a good boy who can entertain himself in peace. And that’s when they start to see each other less and less. They still have dinner together and talk about the day sometimes, but the frequency is nothing like before anymore. Not even close. Kaelestis is hurting himself, and he can’t bring himself to admit to his father that he needs him. No, no, there’s no way he can be an inconvenience to his father. Of course Karias would never think of his son in that way, ever. But Kaelestis’ tendencies to overthink and internalize things drives him to this conclusion. And this doesn’t change much even after Kaelestis becomes a young adult. And so, even to this day, whenever Kaelestis picks up a paintbrush or a chisel, he’d always be reminded of the fact that he (partially) traded away his father’s bond with himself for this. Perhaps this melancholy doesn’t sting Kaelestis as much as it did at first, but it will always be a thorn in his heart, a mild, reoccurring pain.

Kaelestis’ feelings of responsibility over his father carries over to different aspects too. You see, Karias’ personality is drastically different from Kaelestis’. That’s literally just how he is. He’s flamboyant and always going over the top, sometimes he’d say or do something inappropriate by noble standards and get yelled at by Rozaria and Gejutel… etc etc. The usual drill. Kaelestis feels like he needs to keep Karias in check to make sure he’s not being an inconvenience to others. He’s Karias’ son, and it is his duty to make sure Father doesn’t do something so out of line again. And this involves reminding his father of “ahem, Clan Leader, please don’t do that” to reprimanding him if he comedically wails about how he’s not allowed to have fun and his son is just sooooo not fun either. To be honest, Karias has always been like this since the start but Kaelestis just never took it seriously until he got older, because he didn’t think it was a problem. Now that his sense of responsibility is ever so strong, of course he’d be concerned with Karias’ self-representation out there. To Kaelestis, Karias’ image is heavily tied with the entire clan’s image. Karias just thinks his son is hilarious. Which does not amuse Kaelestis because he essentially still needs to parent his parent and being laughed at in the face isn’t exactly helpful either. Kaelestis’ duties includes apologizing to others when Karias does something weird, warning others about what might come, reminding Karias about what and what not to say at meetings, etc etc. You could say that Kaelestis thinks this is exhausting, because it really is. But to him, maybe this is some other form of bonding, to fill that void in his childhood. In a way, this is spending time with his father whom he misses dearly. But still. Kaelestis yearns for Karias to interact with him like they did in his childhood. Just gentle affection and attention from his father. He wants to be a small child again, because he had never been able to smile out of true happiness for a very long time now. He wishes he’d never taken being well-behaved so seriously, because that one phrase of praise led to everything that causes him sadness in the present day. In a way, he misses Karias. Karias was never out of reach, as the two of them live in the same manor and they’re often together on duties and errands. Mentally and emotionally? That’s the complicated part. Kaelestis is there, and not there in the same time. To Karias he’s still his precious son and everything is totally normal. But to Kaelestis there is this gap between them that will never close, and it’s entirely his own fault so he can’t complain. Perhaps if Kaelestis didn’t see clearing a misunderstanding as such a heavy burden, he would’ve done it. Just admit to Father that you were unhappy all along. Just do it. He thinks about it often, but ends up failing every single time. Just can’t bring himself to say it. And so this eats him from the inside out, causing him to be in a constant state of burnout. The kid he was never able to be, and the peace of mind he will never get. The ever so gracious maturity and sophisticated energy that he emits and perceived by others, is a curse to him. The burden does not end there. When he’s with his friends, the others automatically assume that he’ll be the chaperone and take responsibility for anything that happens. Even their joke nickname for him is “dad” because he’s so much like one, right? This puts even more pressure on him, and he has to constantly be on lookout in case any of them does something stupid. Hearing them tell the others “Kaelestis didn’t stop me, so I did it anyway” doesn’t exactly help either. He’s getting blamed for something they decided to do? He never signed up for this, but he doesn’t want to make things complicated, so he keeps it inside and… boom. Stress and more stress. It’s always, always there. He still enjoys being in the presence of his friends but sometimes the burden overrides the joy and in the end, everyone had a good time, except for himself.

One of his deepest unspoken desires is for someone to come hold him, and tell him he can stop and put down everything and just cry. Come and rescue him, and help him out of this cage that he put himself in. To this day, he awaits for someone to burst down that wall he spent his entire life maintaining. Someone. Anyone.

Aaaand this is about it for now! I’d love to talk more about my precious Kaekae in the future so I might do that when I have the opportunity again!

(+ this is why Kaelestis falls for Izar! Unlike virtually all of the others, Izar doesn’t cause much trouble. He’s mostly obsessed with doing research in his own lab and rarely leaves it. Sometimes there’d be an explosion, but that’s pretty much it. Nothing dramatic or extra involved. Izar is also very chill in general and would take care of Kaelestis when he’s a visiting his lab as a “guest” : offering him snacks and drinks, showing him his figure collection and letting him play with them, showering him in plushies to hug, putting a blanket over him after he’s fallen asleep from listening to him reading research papers… all those small but heartwarming things that make Kaelestis feel being taken care of. Izar isn’t even aware of the fact that these simple gestures mean so, so much to Kaelestis and that this dude is in love with him… how lovely! +for more info in Izar feel free to once again check out my pinned post+ special Izar post from before!)

((again sleep deprived so excuse me for any typos haha hopefully it all makes sense! See you again in the future!!))

#noblesse #manhwa #myart #fanart #oc #original character #kaelestis blerster #karias blerster #millennium au

30 notes · View notes