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outsideratheart · 1 year

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Welcome to Colney (Leah Williamson x reader)

Summer 2022 changed your life. Winning the Copa América wasn’t new to you nor the Brazilian national team but this year was the first tournament where you was the captain of your team. It was an honour and a privilege to wear the armband but it came with pressure and responsibilities that you weren’t expecting. Your performance caught the eyes of several clubs but one stood out from the rest, Arsenal. The decision to move to the legendary English club was made easier when Rafa told you they made her an offer too. It was chance to play football with your best friend at club level for the first time in your careers.

“Are you nervous?” Rafa asked as you pulled up to the training facilities. There would be no training today but the club wanted to celebrate the players who had been crowned champions over the summer.

You shake your head.

“Not even to play with a new team in a new country?”

Truth is you were nervous about learning a new style but you also knew you had to lead by example.

“I welcome the challenge”

“Of course you do”

You arrived to find the entire team, both men and women, outside the front of the building. The sight itself was a little bit daunting but you would let them know that.

“Y/N! Rafaelle!” Jonas is the first to spot you and calls you over.

He introduces you to the team but there seems to be one person missing; your English counterpart Leah Williamson.

It is only when you see Beth Mead and Lotte Wubben-Moy sporting their medals do you realise that you have left yours in the car. Rafa volunteers to go them and in her absence you find yourself gravitating towards your fellow Brazilians on the men’s team.

You are so deep in conversation with Gabi that you don’t realise the women’s team has gathered for a photo.

“Desculpe” you quickly run over where you are instructed to stand in the middle.

Seconds before the photo is taken you feel a hand grab your waist and it sends a shockwave through your body. When you turn to face the owner of said hand you see a shy looking blonde with flushed cheeks.

“I’m Leah” she holds her hand out for you to shake once the photographer says she’s happy for the shots she has.

“Y/N” you shake her hand, a motion in itself lasts a little longer than it did with everyone else “It’s a pleasure to meet you Leah”

There’s something about the minuscule moment you had just shared but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“We’re very lucky to have you here at Arsenal. I can’t wait to play with you”

“I’m sure you’ll be playing more with Rafa but I look forward to sharing the pitch with you”

It was a compliment face off. It's clear both of you are fans of each other but it is when Beth wanders over do you realise just how big of fan Leah is.

“I see you’ve met your biggest fan” Beth wraps her arms around Leah’s shoulder “Leah here couldn’t stop talking about you when we found out you had signed”

Leah’s face said it all. The embarrassment was clear but you liked it. What you didn’t like was the way Rafa appeared out of nowhere and joined in Beth’s game of expose my captain.

“Oh please, don’t act like you aren’t a fan of hers too. Y/N came her a few weeks ago because she wanted to meet you but when she arrived you were with your team mates on holiday”

“Rafaelle” it was a warning, one which she was all too aware of “I came here to sort out our house whilst you were off celebrating with the girls”

“You didn’t celebrate your win? You were incredible” Leah, once again, pays you a compliment.

“I had a lot on my plate. Like Rafa said I came to unpack and decorate our house but before then I had back to back interviews and photoshoots in Brazil that I couldn't get out of"

“I understand that” the sorrow in Leah’s voice was concerning.

“Being a first time captain leading your team to a championship comes with its downfalls”

Leah only nods her head. The weeks following the euros was nothing like Leah expected. The tournament put her on a pedestal and for the first time since she lifted the trophy she didn’t feel alone at the top.

Of course both of you could relax a little knowing that while here at Colney and at meadow park, Kim Little was the captain and it didn’t take long for you to be reminded of that.

“I see the captain of England and the captain of Brazil have met but we all know who is in charge around here” Katie joked.

“We are team full of leaders. Leah is one of the captains too and I hope Y/N will bring some her her leadership skills to the team” Kim joins the small group which is forming.

You cannot bring yourself to respond. Not because you don’t want to but you don’t want to place yourself with the top players of the team when you haven’t even stepped foot on the pitch.

During the offseason trip to Germany you found it surprisingly easy to fit in with the team. You got along well with the team but more so with Leah. Despite being from different countries, you had similar tastes in music so you would often lounge around listening to your favourite playlists whilst Leah showed you how to play Sudoku.

Things changed when you were back in London. You unconsciously began to close yourself off. It was as if Y/N the human being didn't feel at home in London which wouldn't be a problem given that you had only been there for a month but Rafa seemed to be blossoming in the country's capital. Several players picked up on your change of behaviour so Katie suggested a team bonding night at a restaurant of her choosing.

When she sends you the address of an all you can eat Brazilian you are filled with excitement but the restaurant itself didn't quite live up to a native's standards. The gesture is kind and you make sure to thank her for her efforts when you leave.

"You didn't like it?" Leah nudges you as you and few of the other team members walk back to where the cars are parked.

"It wasn't really Brazilian. It was just a lot of meat" you whisper as not to upset the irishwoman.

"I told you Katie!" Leah shouts much to your failed attempts at telling her to not to say anything.

"What!" Katie comes skipping over to the two of you "I thought you would like going to a Brazilian restaurant"

"That wasn't Brazilian, it was —“ Rafa comes to plead your case.

"A lot of meat" Leah says earning a smirk and a shake of head from you.

This leads to Rafa inviting the team over to the house you shared and offered a home cooked Brazilian feast which you found rich considering you were the chef out of the two of you. The team happily take her up on her offer and as you walk down the streets of St Albans you gaze remain fixed on a certain individual and how her hips swayed with every step she took.

"So you and Leah?" Rafa snuck up behind you. She had seen the way the two of you conversed the entire night. You barely showed anyone else any attention but the sight Rafa saw was rare and she knew that you must have opened yourself up to Leah if you were willing to get this close.

“She —“ how do you describe Leah?

"Ticks every single one of your boxes" the fellow Brazilian finishes your sentence or at least she tries.

"I was going to say she is beautiful"

You couldn’t deny Leah’s beauty. The way her blonde hair brought out the colour of her eyes; it puts the bluest oceans to shame. You were attracted to Leah and you knew it from the first day you met her but the passion she has for the sport you both love led you to fall deeper for her. She understood your mind more than anyone else given that she recently faced the same pressure as you.

"You should ask her out"

"I'm going to"

And that is what you planned to do the next day at training, that is until Beth officially gave you the low down on the couples within the team. Of course you had your suspicions and those had been right. What did catch you off guard was when Beth started talking about Leah and her history with Jordan Nobbs. From the signs Leah had given you, you thought she was single but Beth's explanation of their on off relationship thus far gave you reasons to doubt the moments you and Leah had shared. It’s the reason why you never asked her out that day or the day after that. In fact months passed and you still didn't ask her out even though your feelings never changed. You did keep her close though, just close enough to allow yourself to think what if.

It was during the final away trip of the year that the truth game to light. The team had met for breakfast, Leah observed from a distance as you watched Kim make a coffee with her latest contraption. The look on you face resembles that of a child watching a magic trick whilst figuring out how it’s done. She found it adorable the way you closed you eyes, inhaled the sent of the freshly poured cup then smiled widely as you swallowed your first mouthful.

“You’re drooling” Rafa jokes as she joins her fellow centre back at the table “Leah?” She waves her hand in front of the blonde to get her attention.

“I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

“You stare at her a lot for someone that turned her down”

Leah drew a blank. She had no idea what Rafaelle was talking about. She hadn’t turned you down, she wouldn’t and it’s not like she has had the opportunity to because you haven’t asked her out. She is just about to ask her to elaborate but both her and Kim gets called over by Jonas. You mumble a short and sweet ‘hi’ as you take her place at the table.

Rafa’s words stuck with Leah for the next few days as she tried and failed to think what could have made her think that. In the end it is the culprit herself that confesses when some of the girls are at Lia and Caitlyn’s for a game night.

“It’s been 5 months Leah and you have yet to make a move on Y/N. We can see the see you look at each other” Lia begins her friendly interrogation.

“and the sexual tension is disgusting” Katie fake gags.

“She told Rafa that she asked me out and I said no” Leah explains.

“You turned her down but I thought you liked her?” Viv questions.

“It’s not like Leah would have said yes, She is still with Jordan” Beth says.

You would have though the blonde had confessed to a murder the way all heads turned to her with a movement that could have given the owner whiplash.

“Beth, me and Jordan broke up before the euros. It’s done, we’re over for good this time”

Beth looked like a child that watched on as a problem they caused gets unveiled.

“What did you do?” Viv asks her girlfriend.

“I might have told her that you were already taken”

Leah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had Beth really sabotaged the relationship before it even had a chance to begin. It made Leah realise one thing, you did like her because you were going to ask her out. She tried calling your phone but it went straight to voicemail and despite her trying numerous times after that, the results were the same no answer.

In an attempt to redeem herself, Beth offered to drive the blonde to your house. It was an offer that Leah happily accepted. She knew from overhearing a conversation between you and Stina that you were going back to Brazil for the holidays, she only wished that she could see you before you leave.

With her friends in tow Leah knocks rapidly on your front door hoping with every fibre of her being that you answer it. A Brazilian answers the door only it isn't the one she hoped for.

Rafa notices Leah peeping behind her and its then that she realises the blonde didn't come for her.

"You're here for Y/N?" she asks earning a nod from Leah "She isn't here"

Leah's face fell. It isn't the end of the world but she didn't want to spend the next two weeks wondering what you're doing in Brazil and more important who you are doing things with.

"Where is she?" Caitlyn asks.

"Airport" Rafa then looks down at her watch "Her flight leaves, well right now actually"

If it wasn't already, the way the other girls looked at each other made it obvious that something was going on and Rafaelle was in the dark.

Out the corner of her eye Leah saw a photo frame hanging on the wall. It was a photo on the two of you taken in Germany, a small chuckle escaped her lips at the difficulty that came with the getting to pose for the photo but just as quickly as the happiness flood her systems, it is replaced with sadness.

"I'm about to put a movie on and order a takeaway if you guys want to stay" your best friend points to the takeaway menus that were scattered on the kitchen countertop.

Everyone was up for an impromptu movie night, everyone but Leah who quite frankly just wanted to be alone. She politely declined the invite and left your house with her head hanging low.

The moment she steps outside her body crashes into another sending her to the ground.

"Leah! are you ok?" you help the blonde to her feet.

Leah meanwhile didn't understand what was going on. How was you there when you were suppose to be on a plane to Brazil.

"Leah?" you wave you hand in front of her face "Did you hit your head?”

"What are you doing here?"

"I live here" you chuckle a little at obviousness of her question.

"I know that" she smacks you playfully "I mean in England, Rafa said you were going to Brazil"

"My flight was overbooked so I'm taking the next one which is first thing tomorrow morning" you explained.

You are just about to enter your home when Leah stops you. Her hand rests on top of yours on the door handle. You remove you hand but keep Leah's intertwined with yours. You knew something was wrong. First she was leaving your house alone and now she didn't want you to go in.

"Linda" you look deeply into those blue eyes you like so much "What's wrong?"

"Beth was wrong when she told you about Jordan. We are not dating, that chapter of my life is done"

Your head dips slightly as a smile tugs at your lips. If Leah wasn't with Jordan then it changes everything.

"But she said that you were" you try to remember the exact wording "she said it was on and off. I like you Leah but I won't ruin your relationship"

"There is no relationship, me and Jordan are done. There is something between us though and that is the only thing on my mind"

There something about the girl you like telling you how she feels and it aligning with your own feelings that brings you pure happiness.

"Would you have said yes if I asked you?" Leah nods enthusiastically "then let's go"

She could't believe your spontaneity. It didn't match your every day personality but she liked this side of you.

"I would love that but you should know Rafa and some of the girls are inside having a movie night and since this is your last night here before winter break, maybe we should join them?"

You didn't like to share and given that Leah had all but admitted she had feelings for you, you really wanted to spend the night with her alone. You are just about to tell her this when you hear laughing from the other side of the door.

"We can but only if you let me take you out for breakfast in the morning?"

"I would like that"

When the door opens, the girls on the other side freeze. All eyes are on the hallway as they wait to see who enters.

"Y/N!" Beth shouts "and Leah! who are holding hands?"

You pay no attention to the forward’s observations. Instead you go straight to your place on the sofa which funnily enough remains empty and Leah settles in beside you. Throughout the night you struggle to pay attention to the movie because the woman in your arms in much more interesting. At one point she catches you staring and with the way you are sat your faces are incredibly close. You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from kissing her but when Leah reaches up to caress you lower lip your hesitation goes out the window. Her lips are soft against your own and you relish the moment you have been waiting for since the first say you met her at Colney.

"Minha Linda" you place a soft kiss to her hairline.

"What does that mean?" Leah had been learning Portuguese from Rafa but it was a slow process.

"My beautiful"

#woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #leah Williamson x reader #leah Williamson one shot #leah Williamson imagine #engwnt x reader #engwnt one shot #engwnt imagine #awfc x reader #awfc one shot #awfc imagine

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bloodraynebeast · 2 months

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We’re back to talk about Yashiki / Mashita as a pairing once again. Quick note, I’ve heard the less than positive feedback on the translation from players who played the Japanese version and I’ve tried searching for any translations that can help add to the context. Unfortunately the only context we’re using in this analysis is the official English version and fan translation for one of the DLCs. Thank you all so much for the interest and support on the first part! I knew I wanted to make another as it serves to archive their moments as well as analyse each scene. I’ll be going chronologically through the chapters so it's easier to follow. This is a long one! As always MAJOR SPOILERS for Death Mark 2 (And DM1) below.

All Links: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 <-

Updated AO3 Version <-

Starting out with a small tangent, the theme of Death Mark 2 or Shibito Magire (死噛) with The Departed brings up a subject that seems to be a pattern within this series, no matter the universe.

Something that reoccurs in the games and extra content is Yashiki’s negative experiences with women and being forced into some form of marriage. I’m wondering if it's an address on the pressures Yashiki must have felt as Masamune or still feels being the heir and sole survivor of the Kujou bloodline. You notice in Death Mark that Yashiki wasn’t particularly on the best terms with women, namely Christie and Hiroo, but they both did warm up to him and seemed good friends during Death Mark 2.

In the Red Riding Hood DLC, Hiroo is a target and becomes possessed in an attempt to seduce Yashiki, where the bad choices are a result of not trying to pull her out of it. Death Mark 2 has The Departed declaring Yashiki as their future husband, displaying intense possessiveness and jealousy over his close relationships with the Mark Bearers, while also repeating that they will exchange vows and be bound.

In Chapter 3 with Kashima, Yashiki has to pretend to be the beloved teacher of a besotted student - again - and reciprocate their feelings with the flower sketches in order to save them. The two girls Douryou and Kinukawa, cursed and possessed by The Departed make him increasingly uncomfortable with their advances and forcefulness in the game, also trying to entice him. Yashiki has to constantly reassure everyone around him that there is nothing going on and harbours no feelings other than that of a teacher and an adult watching out for the safety of the young students. Because of that, the teacher and head of Academic affairs, Sakamoto, is begrudged to help him in the investigations and holds hostility towards him. Enough to withhold information that would help the case and save the student body. Yashiki also has to inhabit the role of the groom in the final fight against The Departed and apply the ink to complete the ceremony.

Even in the “Blue End” CD Drama, Yashiki becomes possessed by the entity known as the “Master Of The Mark”, who aims to make Mary and later Rose when she tries to intervene, as their consorts, exclaiming that they must exchange vows.

All this in mind, it’s no surprise why many question Yashiki’s preferences (he’s also just a morally good man) and gravitate towards Yashiki and Mashita’s relationship. Their bond is natural and grounded, it’s not aggressively forced upon Yashiki or us as the player. He tends to have more chemistry with the male characters in general, to what feels to us as his closest relationships, specifically Mashita and Daimon. Now onto the game itself.

Death Mark 2 begins with Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 revolving around Hanako Of The Toilet and the relationship between her and her best friend Horikoshi when she was still alive. Although they are ultimately killed off, the introduction of Akai and Horikoshi’s romantic love feels like an important detail. Namely, a love that grew between two best friends. Where one was more confident, rough and unapologetically blunt, the other was more gentle, kind and reserved. That sounds familiar. It also introduces how with Izumi blackmailing Horikoshi, that it likely wouldn't have been accepted at the school due to the prestigiousness and more likely because of the time period. Still, with the first appearance of a queer couple in the series, could this potentially be a stepping stone towards exploring Yashiki and Mashita’s relationship in a similar direction? Foreshadowing of another love forming between two best friends? The chance of this happening definitely seems more possible now.

However, Yashiki still wondering about the nature of their feelings between the two girls despite uncovering their diary entries and sensing it while singing the song lyrics, gives an impression that he would be oblivious to any developed feelings from Mashita if it happened. Also if a relationship did happen, it would likely be kept a secret, at least for as long as possible.

In Chapter 3 Yashiki reunites with Shou, who asks where Mashita is since this investigation involves spirits, practically calling them inseparable. Unlike other Mark Bearers, Mashita receives his own introductory CG. While this could just be something for the fans as Mashita is the most popular character and he was not present in the scene, it’s something to see Shou describing them as a package deal right before Mashita is singled out in the character introductions with his own dramatic CG, looking wistful in the rain. You’d be forgiven for thinking Yashiki is daydreaming about this man, here. Though I’m wondering if this is meant to be Yashiki’s perspective from a memory. Then Yashiki informs us that they were on a phone call the night before, but surprisingly we don’t get to see nor hear that conversation, besides that Mashita is currently indisposed and unable to join the others just yet.

There’s also a tiny detail in the character file that you unlock as more characters join the investigations. The other Mark Bearers are described as becoming friends with the protagonist after he saved their life during the Mary incident, then you read Mashita’s to find he’s formed a “deep bond” with the protagonist due to the number of cases they’ve worked on together. In the previous game there were dropped hints of how their specific relationship stood out among the rest and it applies even more so in the sequel. Although, I’ve heard in the Japanese release they were referred to as “nakama=friends” in the file, which is curious how and why it was translated to “deep bond' in the English version.

Mashita makes his first appearance in Chapter 5, asked to aid Yashiki by Yasuoka like in Red Riding Hood and tries to treat it as just a job. Yashiki is surprised but relieved by his arrival, placing a lot of trust and confidence in his capabilities and methods that he’s quick to jump on his help. At this point Yashiki was isolating himself from the Mark Bearers over fear of losing them after what happened with Ai, Shou, Daimon and now potentially Hiroo, and while displaying the same worry, he knows he can’t afford to turn away Mashita. He does however plead with Mashita to not draw attention while investigating, where the detective responds with a mischievous grin and no promises. In their first interactions, Mashita is shown to be comfortable with teasing Yashiki, even proceeding to call him Mr.Yashiki or “Yashiki-sensei”, much to the man's displeasure. He is not enjoying his time as a temporary teacher.

This can be taken with a grain of salt due to translation, but certain dialogues and dialogue options showed some influence from the other. For example, Yashiki’s dialogue options can sometimes grow very blunt and curt. The one for Suzu in the hospital made me laugh due to hearing Mashita’s voice so clearly. Another is at the conclusion of Kokkuri where if you partner up with Mashita and head to Fox Forest to return the laccata, Mashita comments on Yashiki empathising with the spirits again, but then addresses the late teacher as well, stating he’ll report everything to the police, make sure the investigation reopens and to wait until then. A similar reassurance that Yashiki is known for, hoping to give closure. Whereas if you bring Hiroo, Yashiki takes the role and reassures the spirit instead. It feels as though the purpose of that dialogue was to show Yashiki has rubbed off on him somewhat through working together. Mashita also reminds him there won’t always be someone around to save him when he gets too wrapped up in a spirit’s suffering, heavily implying Mashita’s referring to saving Yashiki’s life in the finale of Red Riding Hood.

Once again, Mashita half surprises us all by sneaking another gun to Yashiki, no longer his own, but instead pulls something behind the scenes to get his hands on another just so he has protection. The man is risking a lot of potential jail time again and being very hypocritical for someone still straight-edge with the law, only to keep tossing it out the window to ensure Yashiki’s safety. Particularly when in the same chapter, he chastises Hiroo for trying to obtain the petri dish for research purposes and plans to confiscate it from her. This seems to be the most effective method he thinks to protect Yashiki, only it’s more reckless this second time as the safety has been removed! Just another display of Mashita’s unhinged actions when focused on Yashiki. Also while this could be a simple gag and more on the type of person Mashita is, literature studies I’ve written in the past have made it difficult for me to not see the topic of guns in their scenes as euphemisms and symbolism.

For example, Mashita is always the one to supply the gun - Someone who feels more comfortable or enlightened to their sexuality, a popular fanon theory in the fandom. Meanwhile Yashiki always takes the gun with hesitance, then returns it - Someone still discovering that part of themselves after having everything about them essentially wiped. Additionally in Death Mark, Yashiki doesn’t use the gun but instead entrusts Mashita with it, whereas he uses a gun alongside Mashita in Death Mark 2 on three occasions.

Further with the guns as symbolism is during the confrontation in The Departed’s Wedding. As the spirit focuses their attacks on Mashita, in order to survive the scene Yashiki must use the gun given by Mashita and shoot The Departed, framed in a way to show rejection as the spirit becomes upset and repeats the word “liar”. After wrapping up the story of Kokkuri, Mashita demands the gun back, although jokes that Yashiki can keep it if he so wishes. You’re given the option to be cheeky with him by attempting to keep it, but Mashita doesn’t allow it, saying you have seconds to hand it over.

In the opening of Chapter 6 while in the infirmary, you can access a voicemail left by Shou. He expresses frustration that Mashita was adamant in keeping him away for his own safety, unless the worst should happen to the two of them. However he believes he won’t have to get involved and views Yashiki and Mashita in such high regards that he practically calls them unstoppable as a team, something I’m sure Yashiki needed to hear. Shou’s comment brings up a point that really highlights itself in Death Mark 2.

Yashiki and Mashita cover each other’s flaws and weaknesses. Yashiki is not as objective and too trusting so there were signs he would miss, like the amount of coincidences surrounding Douryou and Kinukawa and how they misled him. He’s also not confrontational. Yashiki’s issue was that he was very tunnel visioned on the victim in each notice and the spirit tied to it, hardly given the time to investigate The Departed between everything that was happening. He is the compassionate and emotional half that focuses on uncovering the dead’s grudge, their regrets and desires in order to appease them, which in turn saves the lives of those affected, whereas Mashita is the more direct, tactical and logical half. Mashita from years in the profession is tenacious and prioritises getting information and results, allowing for less emotion to get in the way. Not just for a lack of spiritual power, but he would not be as attune to clearing a spirits resentment, nor possibly the patience. But he immediately noticed that Yashiki was being led around to get distracted, rather than focusing on the source and even figured out The Departed’s identity. This brings us back to what happened in Death Mark with the Mary reveal, but the stakes were higher as Yashiki was directly affected and on borrowed time.

The Departed case would have come to a close much sooner if Yashiki and Mashita had teamed up from the beginning, which is possibly why Mashita was absent for most of the story. While I don’t believe Yashiki lacks the skills and intelligence on his own, though he can sometimes be endearingly dense, he does get stuck in conflict with his head and his heart often. It makes me curious about all the various cases they’ve worked on together. In short, if it weren’t for Mashita arriving and voicing his suspicions of the two girls and directing Yashiki to investigate Kinukawa’s room to paint a clearer picture, Yashiki would still have been manipulated down the wrong path.

It seems Mashita’s role in Death Mark 2 is putting pieces together where Yashiki fell flat, steering him in the right direction and confirming what the player has already deduced. It takes Mashita’s appearance in the two chapters to get Yashiki to start suspecting the two students especially. Mashita's shown as protective over Yashiki and is a very reliable character at a crucial point in his state of mind, despite the latter’s perception that Douryou and Kinukawa are deemed trustworthy.

He states he could care less if Yashiki gets closer to the girls for the sake of gathering information, but tells him to watch his step from doing anything else, implicates Kinukawa as the culprit immediately after the man confesses to a very serious crime, then mildly threatens Douryou on her equally suspicious behaviour towards Yashiki. Volunteering himself instead of Yashiki to investigate inside the remains of a shrine on the verge of collapsing - with Yashiki immediately worrying when Mashita cries out when he merely smacked his hand. Mashita being the one to suggest the two separate while fleeing The Departed as he is the target, so Yashiki has a chance of escaping. He constantly reminds Yashiki to stay on track of his original goal, drags him back when he gets too deep in his thoughts, tells him to stop blaming himself for the incidents that were out of his control and even comforts him in his own way. At this stage, perceived as romantic or not, Mashita has made it very apparent that he is ride or die with Yashiki.

Also it’s not often we see Mashita address Yashiki by his full name -

In Chapter 7, Mashita is the partner that is taken to the wedding grounds of where the wedding ceremony took place and where The Departed’s resentment began. Seeing the unfortunate fate of Sakamoto in the Good Ending, Yashiki begins despairing, blaming himself for her death, to which Mashita steps in to shut down quickly. He then pauses to console him that he did save her at the end, as she regained a sense of self and shared one final clue for them.

Learning about the origin of The Departed’s grudge, the spirit suddenly appears. Yashiki desperately tries to get answers but Mashita snaps his attention back before he can get sucked in. This is where Mashita sees The Departed for the first time in their grotesque, final transformation with the appearance of a spider - which we’ve seen previously in Death Mark’s DLC. An infamous symbol of sex and fertility. And he wastes no time hurling insults at it for trying to appear attractive to Yashiki. While The Departed has displayed a pattern of abducting the Mark Bearers to feast upon, still giving Yashiki an opportunity to save them and announcing so, there is instead murderous intent with Mashita immediately and begins attacking. Potentially due to the spirit gradually becoming more unstable through its transformation as the game progresses and the location, but to suddenly become enraged at Mashita standing beside Yashiki while they’ve had less issue with characters like Ai or Hiroo standing too close, it’s interesting. A literal or symbolic sense. Standing next to each other as partners? As equals? As lovers? The Departed is thought to observe and learn Yashiki’s closest connections, so it’s left a guess how their relationship might have been interpreted.

When the two part with Mashita luring away The Departed, Yashiki assumes the worst and feels hopelessness and loss, lingering on Mashita while escaping Fox Forest. Returning to the infirmary, Yasuoka comforts him that Mashita always lived life to his own rules and recklessness and to not hold himself responsible. There’s even a moment where Yashiki steers himself and vows to do what he can to finish the case, for Mashita’s sake. It’s a touching, little moment.

I think it’s also worth pointing out that Yashiki’s presumably closest relationships at this moment are “removed” all the way up to the final confrontation. Even if previous Mark Bearers have survived or died, it doesn’t change the outcome of Daimon collapsing into a coma from a curse and Mashita being attacked and chased down by The Departed themselves. There’s no mercy for these particular men. After escaping The Departed, the first person Mashita thinks to contact is Yashiki because he knows he’s in a fragile state. The self-sacrificial man’s resolve has been tested throughout the entire game and he must not give in at the final hurdle.

In the Good Ending, breaking the news that he’s alive while passing a comment at Yashiki not sounding as relieved as he should be is laughable when Mashita didn’t even say a word and is currently using a public phone. He attempts to cheer him up, saying he should be proud of himself for saving The Departed, and assuring that no one thinks differently of him for what he must’ve had to do. Mashita may never approve of Yashiki’s methods but he understands the physical and mental toll it takes on him.

At the end of it all in the True Ending, Yashiki and Mashita are destined to go for drinks with Hiroo and Daimon, thanks to the latter giving an invitation, which is a fun disaster of a scene I’d very much like to see. Undoubtedly a lot more snark compared to the outing with Ai, Shou and Hiroo. Though I’m sure Mashita will not be pleased to hear Douryou and Kinukawa barged into the mansion and regained their memories, being not the best at dealing with “brats”.

In one of the games DLC “Mary’s Makeover / New Colour” only available in Japan, but fan-translated by Generic Weeb Content, Moe, Eita and Suzu aid Yashiki in searching the mansion for a number combination, where one of the rooms available is the investigation room. Yashiki comments that this is where the Mark Bearers usually meet for spiritual investigations, so a few of their belongings are scattered around. Only two of them are of note. One is the small shrine Moe brought for protection and the other is the large green coat belonging to Mashita hanging on a coat rack. That’s been there the entire game and now we know. According to Yashiki, Mashita had forgotten it one time and it’s remained ever since. He speculates he must keep multiple, similar coats.

This immediately raises questions and shows a lot without telling. One important implication being how frequently Mashita visits the mansion, which we get an idea of from a certain coffee making Voice Drama - and yet according to the game in those four months prior, Yashiki has never once set foot in Mashita’s office. I’m very sceptical that someone observant like Mashita can forget they’re not wearing an oversized coat weighing on their shoulders. Furthermore, it’s a very plausible theory that the coat belonged to Mashita’s late senior as it is oversized and hangs loosely on every art sprite. Then there’s the inclusion of it on a singular panel from the manga where Mashita talks about him. Given he still carries the old lighter, he is at least somewhat of a sentimental person, so it's entirely possible he would keep it also as a memento. In other words, something treasured that he wouldn’t misplace. And why is it still there? Yashiki must have contacted him about it, so perhaps Mashita shrugged it off and never bothered to collect it. If we want to dive deeper, it sounds vaguely like the behaviour of leaving more and more belongings behind one does with a partner until they’ve practically moved in, leaving his mark on the mansion so to speak. Or it’s because Mashita views the Kujou mansion as another place to call home. Either way, Mashita is very casual about it and Yashiki allows it.

The DLC ends on a final scene with Yashiki and Mashita on the phone discussing Mary and the Death Parade. Parallel to the first game’s DLC, Mashita parts with some advice, warning him to be cautious around Mary and to watch out for himself. Yashiki reassures and thanks him, to which Mashita responds in the way one expects. After the call however, Yashiki addresses that while Mary is obsessed with him, he feels obsessed with her in return. In both instances in the DLCs, Mashita expresses open concern for Yashiki’s wellbeing and has the last word, setting up to be the voice of reason to pull Yashiki back from the brink. Knowing him too well that he needs to make him realise how dangerously empathetic he is and will be if Mary awakens or pulls some strings. Not to diminish the other friendships Yashiki has, as they are also important, but the devs specifically show in moments like these how much of an important piece Mashita is in Yashiki’s life. The balance that he needs. This ominous ending could be hinting at a build up to where Mashita saves Yashiki similar to Red Riding Hood or Yashiki’s mental state deteriorating, that everyone bands together to pull him out of that darkness.

Overall, I think this game perfectly demonstrates why they would work well as a couple. Canonical wise, it’s clear the two men have grown closer between the events of the games and keep in regular contact. They continue to have chemistry, address each other more casually, openly joke with one another, have wacky moments like hissing at a rock and shooting guns in the forest whilst on a mushroom trip, and are even called inseparable and unbeatable as a duo. Which leads into a moment in the Kokkuri case, where Mashita mentions again that Yashiki would make a good detective. Whether a praise or a jab, it’s another nod at his business proposal as partners from the previous game. They’ve already crossed the line of being partners in these cases, and even more so in NG, so that might end up being inevitable. Especially from Death Mark 2’s ending where Yashiki discovers what his role will be from now on and his motivations behind pursuing further spiritual cases.

It bears repeating that this isn’t meant to take away from their friendship, but the subtle (or less than subtle) implications of something romantic are all there in a lot of ways in Death Mark 2 - despite the overarching theme of thrusting Yashiki into a teacher-student romance scenario. There’s even more of an influx of art and fanfictions of the two men from old and new fans introduced to the series, as a result. And with the addition of LGBT+ characters - minus the doomed, buried trope - it could be seen as something positive for where their relationship could go. It certainly opens up the possibility.

If a sequel is in the works or if they are testing interest with the latest DLC, it’ll be interesting to see where they take these two in the next installment. One thing is for certain, if there was ever a decision to plan a Yashiki and Mashita spin off series or something that centered on them as protagonists, it is guaranteed a large audience. Next part we’ll be looking at CD Voice Dramas currently available and fan translated by amazing people in the fandom, including “Blue End” and more. If I’ve missed anything from the game, please do feel free to add! Thank you so much for reading!

#死印 #死噛 #shiin #spirit hunter #death mark #spirit hunter: death mark #death mark 2 #death mark 2 spoilers #spoilers #death bite #shibito magire #kazuo yashiki #yashiki kazuo #satoru mashita #mashita satoru #yashita

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dynaizuku · 2 years

Text

surprise, fuckers?

it was a time where majority of class 3-A decided to spend the summer in the dorms. it wasn’t the first time, but it was the first where almost all of them stayed, thinking of making the most out of everything before they graduate and go pro.

katsuki and izuku had also been doing a good job in hiding the fact that they were dating.

it wasn’t because they were ashamed of each other. it was more of wanting to figure things out on their own first, see how dating works for them, before sharing it with their friends. katsuki once explained it as “not burdening these extras if ever it just didn’t work out.”

it had been very spontaneous, their confession. it happened after a very tiring training, izuku pinned down by katsuki, both of them panting hard from exhaustion.

“okay, kacchan! i give up, i give up,” izuku surrendered. if he wasn’t just so spent from their hero lessons earlier that day, defeat won’t be admitted right now.

“damn, nerd. you’re really fucking cute. you’re gonna give me a fucking heart attack one day,” katsuki blurted out, and he seemed to not notice it until izuku butchered his nickname.

“waaaachan?!”

“hah?!”

“you... wha-what?” izuku was a blushing mess and that’s when katsuki full on realized what had just happened.

“oh, shit... i– izuku, i’m sorry. i made you uncomfortable, didn’t i?” katsuki asked, pulling away from the other.

after everything that happened, apologizing, particularly to izuku, had come easier for katsuki.

“kacchan...” izuku started, sitting up and looking at katsuki whose ears were now getting red.

“i-if it helps, i think you’re very pretty,” he added, blushing even more if that was even possible.

katsuki’s head snapped towards the other’s direction, eyes wide and was now /really/ blushing.

katsuki knew a lot of people found him attractive, but hearing izuku call him pretty was something he wasn’t prepared for.

“ye-yeah?”

“yeah.”

it was silent for a few minutes, both of them seemed to still be processing what had just happened.

was this a confession? what would this mean for them?

“it could mean whatever you wanted it to mean...” katsuki mumbled and izuku wasn’t even surprised anymore, he had been muttering because kacchan just answered his questions.

“kacchan... i like you! i like you so much!”

“yeah... i like you, too, nerd.”

having known each other since diapers, people would assume it would be easy for them, but it turned out to be a bit more challenging in the beginning of their relationship. they knew each other so well that it started making them very aware of what would make the other tick and it almost always felt like walking on egg shells.

the two finally discovered how much of an idiot they both have been after a night of talking and spilling their insecurities.

it had been about three months since then, and it had been the best three months. class 3-A never suspected anything. sure, izuku and katsuki had acted a bit weird for a few weeks (in the beginning of their relationship), but they all just assumed it was just them being deku and kacchan.

no one noticed how the two gravitated towards each other more during their movie nights. denki and eijirou didn't even bat an eye when they saw katsuki resting his head on izuku's lap—which the two have never done—as the latter reviewed for their english test. katsuki was peacefully napping away, izuku absentmindedly brushing the blonde's hair the two didn't even realize how they walked in on the couple having some "alone" time... just thought izuku was having a hard time with the lesson, when in reality he was blushing because they were never meant to see what they just saw.

"kacchan, i told you we should've studied in your room!" izuku whisper-shouted at katsuki that night as they cuddled.

katsuki grunted then said, "well, shitty hair and dunce face were dumb anyway."

"kacchan! stop being mean to your friends!"

***

“i think we can tell them once class resumes,” izuku said one day as he and kacchan moved around the kitchen, making dinner for everyone who were staying in the dorms that summer. “what do you think?”

“s’fine by me,” katsuki shrugged. “i think we’re doing fucking amazing. and this is really it, you know?” he added, feeling a bit shy with what he just blurted out.

“i feel the same, kacchan,” izuku, always the one who understood him the most, was quick to answer.

“oi, midoriya, you streaming tonight, right?” eijirou asked when he saw izuku walk out of the bath.

“yeah. please remind me to stop if i hit the 2 hour mark,” izuku said with a laugh.

“i’ll be closely monitoring you, my friend,” eijirou dramatically said with a bow.

after setting up, izuku quickly started the livestream. in their second year in UA, class A opened a youtube channel. mina said it would be fun, and the channel eventually grew. everyone had access to the account and were free to use it.

the class uploaded random vlogs and did livestreams, talking about themselves, their life in UA as heroes in the making, and how they spend their days as normal teenagers.

“hello, everyone! as promised, i’ll be continuing my hero analysis from last time,” izuku greeted.

“thank you, by the way, to everyone who tuned in last week. i didn’t even realize the stream was already three hours long,” he laughed.

he read the comments as they rolled, all were supportive and were telling him how they always enjoy his analyses because they learn a lot.

“we have around 500 viewers now, so let’s start?” and izuku continued his eraser head analysis from where he left off.

around the 36 minute mark of the stream, izuku’s door opened.

he was busy reading some comments, always engaging with the audience so he can answer their questions if ever they had any.

“izuku, baby, did you see my black shirt?”

izuku stopped and it was comical how his eyes widened and how fast his face went red.

“uh...” the comment section went wild and he swore he saw a few of his classmates’ names as well.

“the one with a dynamite draw–” katsuki took in his surroundings and it was too late. he saw the lights and how he was also already in frame. “oh, shit.”

“kacchan!” izuku scolded him, whispering harshly, but it was still all caught in the mic.

“what?! i had no idea!”

“how could you i’ve been on air for–”

“i was sleeping!”

“oh, fuck my life,” izuku cursed, a rare occurrence, and everything was caught in the stream. he was panicking while katsuki just... stood there.

“ugh... surprise, fuckers?”

“oh my god, kacchan, shut up!”

“well at least we don’t have to fucking wait for all of the extras to come back before we tell them?” katsuki unhelpfully supplied as izuku lost his mind, suddenly forgetting how to stop the stream.

“what the hell, midoriya! bakugou! i should have been the first to know!” eijirou barged into the room, his phone in his hands, obviously monitoring the stream just as he promised.

katsuki looked at eijirou, then at izuku, and then at the camera.

he opened his mouth, but decided to not say anything anymore and so he continued to just stand there.

“uh, well... hehehehe. uhm, yeah. bye!” and izuku ended the stream.

that night, katsuki and izuku had to endure a two hour long video call from their parents who scolded them for not telling them and how they had to know from a livestream.

***

you may support me here: ko-fi.com/mimi603 ☕

#dynaizukufics #bkdk #dkbk #bkdk fanfic #mha fanfiction

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paladin-shenanigans · 3 years

Note

It’s pretty obvious that all of the paladins + Allura speak different languages. So I was wonder what it would be like that their s/o speaks their language but struggles with the English language. (I like the concept of how people say that Keith is Korean) S/o tries to converse with the other paladins in English. (I hope I explained this clearly >_

ah yes, i definitely love this headcanon idea!!! i swear y'all are super duper creative and it gives me so many things to try and work through whenever i have writer's block... 🥺 also just a heads up for this one, i only wrote for shiro, keith, and lance, because from what i know hunk and pidge don't really speak other languages despite coming from diverse cultural backgrounds. if any of you guys have any information on either of these characters concerning the topic of this request please do feel free to let me know!!

shiro

☆ i headcanon that he was born and raised on the west coast, but he definitely spoke japanese growing up and is still pretty much fluent. he only really needs these skills when conversing with members of other bases over seas, since he finds there aren't many other native japanese speakers at the US garrison base

☆ however when he found his s/o, someone who was also fluent in japanese, he was actually kind of excited! he doesn't have a ton of opportunities to speak the language he grew up speaking, so this was perfect for him!

☆ as someone who taught at the garrison, he has a natural teacher's touch, and is more than happy to help his s/o better their english skills. whenever they speak to him in english, he kind of lets any grammatical errors slip, because he's kind like that, but sometimes he likes to make charts of verb and noun endings and conjugations just to help them out a bit <3

☆ okay but imagine him getting completely caught off guard by watching his s/o argue with another student during a cafeteria incident and it kind of??? made him fall even more in love with them??? they always came off as shy to him but seeing them stand their ground and converse in a language they sometimes still struggle with was INCREDIBLE to him. helpful space dad is also a proud space dad

lance

☆ he grew up speaking both spanish and english at the same time. his whole family are native spanish speakers who grew to be fluent in english over time, but he and his siblings were the first generation in his family to learn both languages at once

☆ it was funny for lance meeting his fellow spanish speaking s/o, since sometimes he tends to slip into spanish on accident when speaking with a teacher or friend. but when he's with his s/o he doesn't have to worry, maybe the other way around, but he knows they can still understand him and talk with him when he speaks in english

☆ he's kind of...an absentminded teacher tbh. he so desperately wants to help his s/o become more confident with their english skills, but he tends to completely gravitate towards new topics, all in spanish as well.

☆ he's always impressed by his s/o's writing, though. he's fluent in english, but he always has trouble focusing on writing essays, so whenever he reads the papers his s/o wants him to proofread before turning in for a class, he completely loses focus and just. he BEAMS at their ability to write so fluidly. he sometimes jokes about how they may not actually need his help after all!

keith

☆ he'd...probably struggle most in this kind of situation tbh. his father taught him both korean and japanese growing up, but over time he kind of just stuck with english. his language skills didn't completely drain away, however, and now it's just easier for him to understand those languages than it is for him to speak it

☆ so he and his s/o are kind of in the same boat together, which makes him feel a lot more relaxed. like the two of them can learn together. it makes him feel a lot less lonely.

☆ he can understand what they say if they speak in japanese or korean, and he hopes they can understand his responses in english, since he's shy and a bit insecure about his japanese and korean skills. one time the two of them were talking about something that happened during a mission and it completely derailed into a conversation about flying squirrels. keith has never laughed so hard in his entire life.

☆ but yes, like i said, this gives lil grumpy boy something that he can relate to! which takes a lot of weight off of his shoulders! he can often be a bit nitpicky about grammar but as long as his s/o is learning he is happy as can be.

#voltron #vld #vld headcanons #headcanons #my stuff #my headcanons #fluff #x reader #shiro #lance #keith #reader #shiro x reader #lance x reader #keith x reader #ask #anonymous #request

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hiswhiteknight · 4 years

Text

Unbelievably Outlandish– Part 6

Summary: Before starting down a new crossroads, the Reader goes onto an adventure of literary traveling. Suddenly tossed into an unbelievable story that has swept the world, The Outlander Series itself. How will a twenty first century woman survive?

Note: I own no characters, except reader, clearly this is based off the lovely book series Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and tv show. This follows more the tv show, but it’s far from accurate. I’m going to try to get better with using less proper English, but who knows maybe I’ll get into Scottish slang.

Sorry I’ve been away, I’ve been trying to get some balance and perspective. I’m hoping to come back swinging. Thanks for everyone’s supports, it makes it a real pleasure to continue to write.

Oh, at this point is when it might start slowly deviating from the tv show.

Pairing: Jamie Fraser x Female Reader

Words: 2300 (long!!!!)

Warning: Angst, playfulness, cursing, slow start, obviously fighting and such

Jamie was making his way towards the kitchen, thankfully you subtly slipped out, and found your way to the pair as Murtagh whispered harsh words to Jamie. You didn’t even look at Jamie, “This way,” you whispered harshly.

You led the gentleman to the space Mrs. Fitz showed you, where you were studying and trying to understand as much as you could about medicine. “Try not to hurt the man, lass, I think you’ve given him enough trouble,” Murtagh shared as he helped Jamie to the seat.

Looking him straight in the eye, stone faced, “Next time you think I’ll want your thoughts Murtagh, I’ll be sure enough ask for it.”

It was obvious he was doing his best not to growl or yell at you, “Watch yourself, she’s wee sized, but she’ll find you weak spot and have you on the ground real fast.”

“I expect minimum talking from you, sir,” you look around Murtagh to Jamie. He was biting back a smirk, “You are quite the barbarians, you know, fits and all.”

“Are men in the colonies babes, do they not know how to be a real man,” Murtagh questioned you again. Shooting him another glare, he quickly shut up, “Jamie, I’ll leave you with the woman. Best of luck.”

“Goodbye Murtagh, miss you already,” you wave at him. Jamie watched you in amazement, shaking his head at your antics. You shrug, “I think I’m growing on him.”

He still held his arm as you passed him something to drink, “Watch yourself, Deoiridh, Murtagh is a good man, but not all men are as nice as him.”

You were mixing some stuff you learned could be good for healing and inflammation, while pointing back at the door, “That man, nice? Where,” you question again.

He shook his head, “Trust me.”

“Sure,” he said.

You started to work on his face, trying to be as gentle as possible. He did do something quite honorable for a young woman, “Why did you do that, I could have handled it,” you whispered trying to focus on his face.

“I understand you are not familiar with our ways, but for an unmarried woman and a stranger,” he said while trying to make eye contact awkwardly, “like yourself, it would have brought you shame. I’m sore, but not really damaged. I would have done the same thing for the girl if you hadn’t stepped in. And the Mackenzie’s don’t much mind for outsiders getting into their affairs.”

“I don’t care what people think of me,” you answered back, “And I’m here, I exist in their affairs.”

He grabbed your hand to stop you, “I don’t know much about you Y/N, but I know I couldn’t sit and watch,” he was stopped my Mrs. Fitz coming in with somethings for Jamie.

“What you did was kindly meant lad,” she said to him, nearly crying. A part of you broke inside seeing her this upset. It melted your anger down to almost nothing. Jamie had let go of your hand, thanking Mrs. Fitz.

“Do me a favor, don’t get into any more fights. You’ve got a few days before this arm fully heals and I already have enough things to do than mend your ailments, sir,” you turn away to start cleaning up things around you.

“You seem to be quite the busy woman,” he said, standing up to look down at you.

Stopping to look up at his smirk. He was aware that his touch and close proximity was affecting your mood, “Yeah, so busy I might not be able to deal with you. If I don’t see you in two days, you should remove your bandages,” you answered him, not looking him in the eyes again.

“I’m sure I can manage,” he smirked some more. He stopped your fidgeting and avoidance maneuvers with hands by gripping your arm and forcing you to look at him, “But I’d sure not mind seeing you if you do find the time.”

A clank caught your attention, Mrs. Fitz’s granddaughter stood waiting an audience with Jamie, “Seems you have someone waiting to thank you,” you pull back from his grip.

“So it does,” he looked in her direction.

“I’ll leave you to it,” you say pulling a few things of yours into your arms. You took a step towards the entrance, before turning back to him, “Oh, by the way, your charm doesn’t work on me Jamie. I’m still plenty mad at you,” and you swung back around, hearing his chuckle from his breath.

The way Jamie made you feel unease, an unfamiliar feeling, you found it easy to force yourself to avoid him. Jamie was right about something; you were a stranger. Collum and Dougal were both suspicious of you, so you tried to find ways to get them to trust you. You had spent some time thinking about finding a way back to the rocks, but you were far from identifying a detailed plan.

In the trying to gain trust of the community, outside of educating yourself about potential, but sketchy ways of healing people and creating medical notes for your own survival experiences with your outdoorsy brother and the military.

You gravitated to the children and the woman of the people. Often you were showing the children how to better their fighting skills and how to create weapons, especially the girls. With the women, you peaked some of the more progressive women to learn some self-defense and battle strategy, but mostly you tried to educate them in how to read people. The one day, you made Mrs. Fitz laugh by predicting Angus tripping over the wood by the fire and deciding to drink to help his wounded pride, “Hope you’re not a witch,” she laughed.

“Mrs. Fitz, I’m just good with people. Witchcraft is something that takes much more strategy and imagination,” you grinned at her, before passing Angus another cup of mead caused Mrs. Fitz to laugh again.

Outside of trying to educate the community in swords play and self defense, you have gotten closer to Collum. He clearly was suspicious, and he relied too heavily on you when it came to medicine and healing. Often it made you think of your brother, he could heal nearly anything from anywhere. You remembered how your brother helped a puppy left in the woods to die because it’s inability to walk on its own. Some of the small gestures he did to help the puppy, like massaging its legs and back. You thought of this when Collum called you to help ease the pain of his legs. You were just lucky that what your brother taught you work. Human bodies and nakedness didn’t make you uncomfortable, especially when regarding science and medicine. It was nice to have a purpose and learn something new.

With yourself getting comfortable didn’t mean there were not difficulties. Unfortunately, that came with the unease of being a woman from the 21st century in an era of no women’s rights. You got shouted at for just wanting to wear a pair of pants. And quite a few gentlemen enjoyed the fact that you were an unmarried woman, which made you incredibly uncomfortable when they sought your affection or attention.

At this current moment, you found yourself getting ‘the lean’ from Dougal, “You seem to be finding yourself a home here.”

“Of course, but not too comfortable,” you mumbled to him, drinking some of the rhenish. You never quite got the hang of drinking, but during these uncomfortable times it was making it easier to cope.

He nodded, “Right, you’re waiting for news from your brother. Collum mentioned you tried to send word for him at the colonies.”

Looking anywhere but at him, you tried to pull yourself from this situation, “Yes, I hope to hear back from him.” You paused to choose your words wisely, “I’m going to try to get closer, excuse me.”

You sit on a bench away from the wandering eyes and whispers of the hall. Mrs. Fitz’s granddaughter sat next to me, “Hello, I’m Y/N O’Mulligain your grandmother talks very highly of you.”

She sent you a smile, leaning in to whisper back, “Laoghaire Mackenzie, I never got to thank you for trying to-.”

You stopped her with a wave, “No, no need,” you both looked towards a figure entering the hall, “That’s the man who gets all the thanks.”

“Yeah,” she gushed in a whisper, “I just wish he had eyes for me.”

Jamie made eye contact with you, making his way in your direction, “He is quite the charmer, Mr. Mactavish.” You look back at her, “He’d be stupid not to like you, you’re quite beautiful.”

Jamie interrupted your conversation by sitting in between the both of you. He greeted you both before turning his attention to the musician who started to play. You had done such a good job avoiding your feelings of hatred, annoyance, and something else with Jamie. And because Laoghaire sat next to you, you were stuck with him sitting next to you. You leaned forward, continuing to drink your rhenish. It was quite beautiful, if only you could understand what he was saying, “Do you not like the music Miss O’Mulligian,” Jamie asked you, trying to read your facial expression.

You leaned back, “Oh no, it’s truly lovely. I just focusing on the words, wish I knew what the song was about.” There might have been other motivations to looked focused and uncomfortable, but it was mostly true.

Jamie started to explain a little about the musician when Laoghaire tried to prompt Jamie to talk to her about their past, “No, I don’t think so. Still, I wouldn’t be likely too.”

You glared at Jamie for being so dense, “But look at her now, quite the enchanting young woman,” you point to her.

He glanced at her, “Aye, she’s bonnie.”

Eventually you got quite focused on the music, sighing, and holding your hand to your face in amazement. You couldn’t quite hammer out why you were acting so strange, besides the point that you could feel the tension from Laoghaire and Jamie’s presence next to you, “That Collum’s rhenish?”

“Sure is,” than it started to hit you. It was quite easy to drink, but it was starting to get to your head, “I think this is my second, maybe my third, but I’m fairly sure my second. Would you like it,” you offered it to Jamie, trying not to laugh at the awkwardness you were feeling.

“Most people wouldn’t be standing by their second,” he took it from your hands. When the song finished, you struggled not to roar with applause and shout like you were at a hockey game. Jamie stopped you before the next song started, “Miss O’Mulligian, remember discussing the bandage it’s been bothering me, would you mind taking a look at it,” his whispered.

You leaned back in shock, “You can’t be serious, right now,” you question. He nods, “Fine, but if I never get to see this guy play again. It’s your ass Mr. Mactavish,” you mockingly say his name. You get up and make your way to your workspace, trying not to grumble with annoyance. You put most of your focus on the walk to your work area, though for some reason it was not as easy as you remember. Thankfully Jamie was leading the way, which made you remember the time he tossed you over his shoulder. Before you could complete that thought, you were there, “Let’s see it,” you point to him to have a seat on the table.

“I don’t need your help,” he grinned at you, “I thought it was best to get you back to the surgery while you can stand.”

You lean against the table, letting a laugh out, “Oh,” you answered him, “You think I’m inebriated, you might be right,” you chucked again, “I thought about jumping on your back on the way down here and making you carry me.”

“You can hold your own,” he said, stepping towards you to lean against the table with you, “But thought it’d be best to be safe.”

“Thank you,” you knew he was right and that it’d be best to get to safe place before you made a fool of yourself. You glance at him gain with your heavy eyes, “Surprised you haven’t moved the bandage.”

Sending you another smile, “Scared about what you might do.”

“Smart man,” you answered back, “While you’re here, let me look at it,” you spun to look at him. He didn’t much move, he just gazed at you as you undid his shirt. You felt like you were suddenly on fire and with the alcohol is was become harder to fight the urge and attraction to Jamie, “You should pay more mind to Laoghaire, she like you.”

“Aye, she is a nice girl,” he said as he watched you maneuver around his clothing and bandage, “Why do you mention it.”

Ignoring his questions, “It looks just about right,” you cover it up again, “I’d say in a few days you can remove all this.”

“As you say,” he took a step back, cutting a smirk away, “I didn’t realize you cared so much about my affairs Miss O’Mulligian”

You rolled your eyes and stomped a foot as you walked around the table to get your things in order before you go to sleep, “I feel for the girl Mister Mactavish. It has very little to do with you.”

He looked towards the door, then back at you, “Right lass, if that’s the case. I’ll be off. Good night Miss O’Mulligian.”

Part 7

Taglist: @doctorwhatwhenandwhere @damnedandbroken @blushingpogue @blancastans

#Outlander #outlander imagine #outlander fanfiction #Jamie Fraser #jamie fraser imagines #jamie fraser imagine #jamie fraser x reader #jamie frazier x reader

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mariinara · 3 years

Note

Hcs for Harry Flynn when he realizes that he is in love? 🥺

Awh, fuck yeah! I love me some cocky Englishman!

Well, him realizing he's absolutely smitten with somebody would just be fucking torture because he goes through the five stages of falling in love:

Step 1) BUTTERFLIES!!

- A.K.A, the "happy anxiety".

-Typically, Harry isn't the most candid of men when it comes to showing how much he loves someone, but, boy, oh boy..

-He fucking hates it when he makes a stupid joke or throws a one-liner and you reward him with one of your genuine, bright laughs. He just watches you throwing your head back, eyes closing and crinkles forming at the corners, and you just.. laugh at something he absentmindedly said.

-Don't get it wrong; it's not like Harry doesn't know he's downright charming‐ He's a hit with the ladies! But, when he feels that flutter in his abdomen? It just feels raw. Different.

-And, jesus, when you're apart? He just can't shake you off. He's good at shrugging feelings off. Always has been. Ignoring them is no problem. But coming back home to a cold, empty bed? That's probably the worst of it. And, God, he wishes you were right there next to him, making jokes and telling him all about the things you love and– oh god – what was he THINKING!? That can't be fucking right. He CAN'T be thinking like that. He just needed a drink, right? Maybe a couple. He'll get over it. It's nothing.

-But he just can't deal. He can't fucking get you out of his head. Every little thing reminds him of you. From the warmth of the sun embracing him through his window to the shower that relieves his aching muscles before he goes to bed.

Step 2) BUILDING!!!

-You and Harry have always been out with your group of friends– The Drake brothers, occasionally Chloe and Nadine if they weren't too busy– but you rarely ever go out alone.

-But that one night you did?

-You had time for each other. All the time in the world, in fact, to really just absorb each other– bask in one another's presence.

-With a couple of beers in your systems, Harry was more comfortable confiding in you when it came to childhood stories. Some anecdotes. Straight up embarrassing first dates.

-He'd point the neck of his beer bottle at you and give you a serious stare before going on to say, "Do not snitch on me with the Drakes."

-The smile and the zipping-your-mouth motion you'd do was enough for him to spill his heart out to you.

-Only then did it seem like you really saw each other in different lights.

-Harry always thought you were pretty and effortlessly funny. You thought he was handsome but quite literally the stereotypical English douchebag.

-He was.

-But peeling away at his layers was the most fascinating thing you've ever experienced.

-And him seeing more to you than just a pretty face? It nearly made him lose his whole mind on the spot, because wow you were a completely different person to him during the moments he shared with you.

-Instead of wanting to sleep with each other meaninglessly, you grew curious and interested in gathering more information about each other.

-Especially Harry, because, Good God, when you start info-dumping on him with those stars in your eyes? It feels so good and he still doesn't know why.

Step 3) ASSIMILATION!!!

-There came a time when Harry grew a pair and finally decided to ask you out on an innocent date. Just the two of you. Someplace nice.

-It went well until your social anxiety kicked in and you decided to take it on home.

-With Harry, card games and alcoholic cocktails were a MUST, so if things escalated quickly, no one would be surprised.

-It surprised both of you that it took that long, actually.

-And after messing up his sheets, sharing hot breaths and having your bodies molding together, tethered with sweat and desire, you were finally sound asleep next to him. Right there. Like he'd always wanted.

-The realization kicked in when he sobered up slightly. And, wonder of wonders, it had him absolutely freaking the fuck out. Zero to a hundred real quick.

-He couldn't fucking believe it, really. Everything he'd been hoping for has fallen into place and it was like he didn't plan that far ahead, and at that moment, looking at how peaceful you were when you slept, hair sprawled on his pillows and face turned away from him, chest calmly rising and falling, he felt like he needed to come up with a plan. Immediately.

-And he realized how much you clicked. On every level. You saw eye-to-eye in almost everything. The essentials, at least.

-And when he lazily plopped back down on his bed to take in a calming breath, he closed his eyes and raked his hands down his face, deciding that he definitely needed to make a special place for you to fit in that mess he called his life.

-It was too real. And while he thought the reality of it would terrify him and push him away, it helped gravitate him towards you. Helped keep him grounded and humble, too.

Step 4) HONESTY!!!!

-Vulnerability.

-That was the word Chloe mentioned to Harry. The "Key Word", she'd emphasized.

-As much as something like that had never crossed his mind, Chloe made it make sense to him.

-If he wants you as the one constant in his life, he needed to be as transparent about it as possible.

-Pretty much, it was a make-it or break-it situation.

-Harry doesn't remember sitting around, staring at a wall for a couple of hours, biting on his nails in anxiety. He hasn't been this way since he'd grown out of his teen years.

-Damn. You kicked him right back to childhood. And it was high time for him to accept that.

-He was a man who set his eyes on the prize and almost always got what he wanted. It was how life was for him. If he reached high enough, he could grab the stars if he wanted.

-But, no, everything he'd been looking for was right there, on earth, sitting at the same dinner table with him for years, and he was stupid enough to only flirt with you.

-And he decided.

-He was going to call you to set up another date. An important one. Made sure to tell you to "doll up" so he could hear you telling him "bite me" with that smile in your voice that amused him so much.

-He took you to his favorite spot. Drove you to the middle of a grove. No one but you two there, sitting in his classic Cadillac, and when he was ready, he turned the engine off and turned to you.

-You didn't know. You had no idea. You were beyond confused. Because what were you doing in the middle of nowhere? He wouldn't answer you. Only told you to wait and see. But he seemed different. His eyes were glossed over, like something else had completely taken over his mind. Thoughts clouded by only one thing.

-All it took for him to stop looking at you with soft, yet contemplative eyes that were practically silently begging you not to fucking break his heart because he, frankly, would not know how to recover afterwards was a gently, concerned call of his name and your touch against his knee.

-He breathed deeply. Rubbed his temples. Mumbled a "Fuck me" under his breath before chuckling. He voiced how he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say, and you reminded him that it was just you. That he could definitely trust you. That you'd be here, no matter what it is.

-You rambled on and on about how you'd always have his back. If he wanted to break up, that's fine too. You weren't even looking at him to see the look on his face when you said that. He only stared at you incredulously, like you were stupid.

-And, as usual, you made it so much easier for him to talk. To love you like he always has.

-You forced him to lurch forward and seal your lips with a kiss to shut you up, his hands cupping the sides of your neck, thumbs caressing your jawline, his hot breath shattering against your cheek when he tilted his head to deepen the kiss to feel you melt in his grasp.

-He loved it most when your shoulders grew less tense and you sighed against his lips and he'd open his eyes slightly to watch as your brows melted into that desperate arch.

-That was when he pulled away, as gently as possible, watching you slowly descend back to earth, eyes fluttering and love-drunk, staring back at him.

-And that's when he inhaled deeply and cupped your cheeks firmly, "You are such a stupid woman, has anyone ever told you that before?"

-He was exasperated. But he was soft with you, smiling gently and swallowing, eyes bouncing between yours.

-"Yeah, I might've heard that before.." You chuckled, baring that beautiful smile of yours, cheeks squishing against his hand.

-And he huffed, not being able to take how much his chest was swelling, and he spelled it out, "Fuck, I am so in love with you.."

-You couldn't believe it. Didn't process it at first. It was every single cog in your brain stopped turning.

-But when it sank in, you almost cried out. In both relief and happiness. He wasn't breaking up with you; but he was in love with you, and you'd be lying if you said you weren't waiting for it.

-With a barrage of kisses that had him making surprised noises, you professed your requited love for the man you began to straddle in the car seat, catching him off guard, but relieving him and letting him hold you close, all the same.

Step 5) STABILITY!!!

-Shit, from that moment on?

-Everything moved so fast.

-Even the two years you'd been dating. You didn't even feel them. Celebrating your second anniversary was the weirdest.

-Especially that you realized you were celebrating it in your shared home, on that faithful fall morning, when summer had just ended and everyone could breathe again.

-Getting to discover each other, share your life, food, laughter, smiles, even the small bickering and childish arguments like "you took the whole cover last night and I had to sleep with my bum out for the air conditioning to eat out" only fortified what you had.

-Contrary to what everyone thought of Harry, he was extremely supportive and he gave the best hugs.

-He was the best person to travel with, go on adventures with, have a picture album with, and drunkily makeout with during a boring Netflix movie, frankly.

-You would literally never could've thought it would end up being so perfect for the two of you. Just two flawed humans making the best out of each other and accepting the bad, since it was nothing you.

-Neither of you tried to change the other. You only made sure to be there when needed. And you worked it out in the end, whatever it was.

-As for Harry?

-He has never felt more fulfilled.

-Nothing in this damn world would tie him down, but he realized that having someone to love and for them to love you back like you two did never tied him down, it only sort of set him free in a way he never knew he needed.

-He might've progressed through the five stages, but that never meant that he didn't go back to step one every time you did a thing he loved.

-He was just a big softie for you!

#harry flynn #harry flynn fluff #uncharted #I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #thank you for sending this in love #YOU ROCK #hc

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danifics18 · 4 years

Text

↪ Tutor Sessions (M) ↩

Tags : Mature//Dirty Talk//switch! Reader//switch! Hongjoong//Slight throat grabbing//Slight Hair Pulling//Dorm Fucking//PWP//

Word Count : 3042

General Masterlist Ateez Masterlist

A/N : This is my first requested, so I do hope it’s meeting expectations. I only speak one language, so I hope i’m not playing too much into bi-lingual stereotypes. Things said in English will only be bold, and things in Korean will be bold and in italics. Ngl this has a bit of a porn type of cheesiness to it. I don’t know why, but I got major switch! vibes when I was planning this out, so if anything seems a bit odd, please keep in mind that I am a bratty sub trying to write something that is way out of my league 💕

“Mom, I know, I know. I’m really having a nice time here, and I feel like I enjoy it a lot more than I would’ve if I’d stayed back closer to home,” You say into your phone before briefly pausing to take a sip of your quickly cooling coffee “Mom, I’d really like to keep talking, but I do need to make it to my class. I’ll call you before I eat dinner, yeah?”. After a few more I love you’s, and a promise to go home for Christmas, you finally say your final good-byes before hanging up the phone.

Your family never quite understood your need to move away for college, them preferring if you stayed closer to your small hometown. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be around your family, you just took the first chance you could, to explore the world a bit before you felt like you really had to settle down. And while that was easier said than done, you had made the plan to move away for college since your first teenage job at a Korean Market, in the town next to yours. You’d been quite close with the owners, since you and their daughter had grown up together as best friends- you would be staying at each other’s houses multiple times a month since you guys were eight years old. As you’d gotten older, and had stayed around your best friend’s family, you ended up learning quite a bit of the Korean language yourself. It wasn’t until you got into high school that your friend’s grandma moved in from South Korea, and had decided that she would help out at the store by counting inventory in the back ( although that really meant getting invested in a Korean show, until someone walked back to check on her ). She didn’t know any English, and you only knew basic Korean, and feeling rude for not being able to effectively communicate with her, you enlisted the help of your best friend to help you learn. It took a lot of work, but you got a hold of the language eventually. And from that point on you were able to really connect with your best friend’s grandmother ( not to say you didn’t have a few language slip ups, because you definitely did ), but soon enough, one of your favorite past times became watching Korean daytime shows, and listening to your friend’s grandmother talk about her past time in her native country and all the places you should visit if you go. In your third year of high school, she unfortunately past on, but your past conversations sparked a need to travel in you, although you didn’t know how to make it happen. It wasn’t until your best friend brought up that she felt the same way, that you two made final plans to attend college in Seoul.

Years later, and you two were in your second years of college, living in a dorm together ( even though you guys were excited to have a roommate, you were even more glad that you didn’t have to share any space with another person ). It was difficult learning how to live in a new country, but it kept you on your toes in a way that you learned to enjoy.

Tossing your head back to down the rest of your now cold coffee, you walk to your last class of the day. Your counselor had convinced you that even though you were a foreigner who knew English, you should still take the English Language class for some easy credits- and it really wasn’t a hard class. You obviously knew everything, although, you did forget some words occasionally, due to speaking only Korean most of the time.

Sitting down at your seat and pulling out your laptop for notes, you look to the side as your seat neighbor sits down, pulling his earbuds out from his ears. As he glances over at you, you smile and give him a small

‘Hello’

, smiling even wider when he does the same. Kim Hongjoong was a boy you didn’t really know personally, mainly because of how quiet he was, but you heard about him from the way people usually talk about him. At any of the good parties, you would hear both the cheers and complains if he would show up. The cheers due to the fact that people felt like they had a chance to get with the handsome and charming Kim Hongjoong, and the complains due to how he and his friends would be the only ones getting most of the female ( and some male ) attention- supposedly taking it away from any other men at the party. You didn’t really understand it, yes, he’s handsome, and you have no doubt in your mind that he could probably be charming, but he never asked for attention at parties. Most of his time would be spent helping his drunk friends not cause too much chaos, or just generally looking like he’s having a good time with his friends- you’ve never seen him talk to anyone else, unless it was to help a random drunk person from stumbling over as they walk by him.

Shaking out of your thoughts, you focused on your professor and the topic of this week- human anatomy. You knew you really didn’t need to take notes, but you decided to anyway when the professor started showing slides that were titled with the scientific words of body parts- although they mentioned that you wouldn’t lose points on the test if you couldn’t remember the scientific words rather than the non-scientific.

As class ended and you were packing up your bag you heard a soft “Excuse me,” from the seat next to yours. Turning your head to look at the blue haired boy, you raise your eyebrows with a small “Yes?” “I don’t mean to bother you, but you’re the only person in this class that already knows English, and I really didn’t understand these notes at all. If you have the time, do you think you could help me review?” he asks with a small hesitation before continuing his ramble “If you don’t have the time that’s fine too, I could probably find someone who could help, I thought it would just be easier since we sit next to each other,” He finishes with a slight hue of pink on the tips of his ears.

Giving a small smile at his shy state, you tell him of course you’d have time to help him. Other classmates have asked you for help before as well, so it really wasn’t anything new to you. After exchanging numbers, you both decided to meet up the next day at your dorm, since your friend had work and school until later on that night- and his apartment would be way too noisy since he shares it with three other boys.

The next day, you’d woken up at a decent time, and immediately cleaned around the house and got ready for your guest to come over for the day. By noon, you had a knock on your door, and you walked over to let in Hongjoong with his laptop, bag and two cups.

“I hope you like fruit smoothies, because I feel bad that you’re helping me without any payment I would've got you a coffee, but I didn’t know what you liked, and I figured that most people like fruit,” he said while handing you the smoothie and kicking off his shoes. “Thank you! I really like fruit smoothies, I haven’t had one in a while, especially since I usually drink coffee to keep me up,” you retort,” Here, we could study in the living room if you want, but since we don’t have any extra plugs here, we’ll have to move to my room if we need to charge anything.”

The first hour of studying went well, you both had taken pretty good notes, and your previous knowledge helped out quite a bit as well- so you two decided to order some food, and by the time it would make it to your apartment, you’d both be ready for a break from studying. The extra thirty minutes of the food arriving made you both restless, both shuffling and readjusting yourselves on the couch- occasionally brushing arms and thighs together- both getting up to get the food at the door. Chuckling at how eager you both were for not only the food, but for a break as well, you told him to wait at the table while you got the food.

Settling everything out, you guys began eating and talking. You learned that Hongjoong is a music major, and he works at a local radio station, which explains why he comes into class with dark circles under his eyes at times.

“You know, I’m actually really glad that you asked me for help. I haven’t had the chance to talk to you yet, and you always seem really friendly,” You tell him while taking a bite of your food. He looks up from his plate, with evident surprise in his eyes “Really? Well I’m really glad I talked to you then. You’ve always seemed a little bit intimidating because of how unbothered you act, but I like that...,” He trails off, eyes following the your fork leaving your lips, a stain of red sauce next to your lip,” Oh, you have a bit of..,” He gestures to the side of your lip, eventually just licking his thumb and gently wiping the sauce off your face and resting it on your bottom lip for you to lick off.

With wide eyes, you wrap your lips around his thumb, licking it clean, with a heat rushing through your cheeks and core. Hongjoong cuts the groan erupting from his throat off with a cough and pulls his thumb out- letting the groan out when he sees the string of saliva from his digit to your mouth. As you both gravitate towards each other slightly, you rest your hand on his upper thigh and ask “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”, “I mean we do need to study, but I think I figured out a way we can study, and I can repay you for your kindness,” he replies with a devious glint in his eye.

And with that, you put your hand on his jaw and guide him to your face to meet in a searing kiss that leaves your head reeling. Pulling back to leave a few pecks on his bottom lip, you catch his lips into a proper kiss, catching his lip with your teeth. The whine he lets out goes straight down, causing you to clench on air.

After a few moments, he finally pulls back from you, chest heaving, and strokes your head. Humming in thought, you get up and pull his hand to follow after you to your room. You lead him to sit on your bed, while you stand in the middle of your room, with a hip cocked out to the side, as you eye each other with a hunger in your eyes. Running his tongue over his lips, he decides to speak, “Are you going to do something, or are we just going to stare at each other all day?”, “Depends. Are you going to be good for me?”, Seeing him vigorously nod his head, you continue “Good. This is how it’s going to work. I’ll ask you questions about the names of body parts, if you get them right, I’ll undress. Get them wrong, and I stay dressed. If you’re really good, I might even let you touch. Got it?” , “Yes ma’am,” He replies, now sitting forward on the edge of the bed, leaning his hands on his knees.

Moments and a few items of clothing later, you were down to your lacy bralette and underwear, nipple piercings glinting through the see-through fabric, in the dim lighting of your room. Hongjoong was leaning back against the head board of the bed- clad in boxers only, after him whining about it being unfair that you were undressed but not him- with a hand poorly covering his covered hard on; while you sat on the foot of your bed, resting on your knees, legs spread enough that your arousal could be seen starting to run down your thighs.

“Okay baby, here’s the last pieces. Since you’ve been so good for me, I’ll let you touch me once they’re off,” Once the words come out your mouth, Hongjoong jumps up, resting in front of you on his knees as well. Reaching your hands down, you cup your breasts, slightly teasing your nipples through the fabric. “M-mammary glands?” He hesitantly questions, before speaking with more confidence, “Most people call them breasts, or tits,” he finishes, face lighting up at you slowly taking the bralette off.

Quickly pushing your hands away, he reaches around your back to pull your chest closer to his. Thumbing your nipples, he gently pulls on the metal barbell, relishing in the moan that leaves your lips. Clearing his throat, he begins “These are nipples. Fuck, I didn’t expect you to have piercings, you’re so fucking hot,” he finishes before leaning down to wrap his lips around your nipple, other hand gently pulling on the other. Letting out a whine as his teeth graze your nipple, you run your hand through his hair, feeling your resolve slip the more attention he gives you.

Opening his eyes to peer up at you, he detaches from you before pushing you onto your back, and straddles your thigh, his leg against your hot core. Grabbing his face, you bring him into a kiss, sucking on his tongue while your hips move to grind on his leg. Swallowing your moans, he pulls back, hand resting on your neck to keep you from following him, “Sweet girl, you aren’t done helping me, are you?,” Watching as you dumbly shake your head with blown out eyes, he chuckles “I’ve barely touched you and your this fucked out? Poor thing. Maybe if you’re good I’ll let you come on my cock,” You let out a groan, not expecting him to sound this good while saying dirty things to you.

Rutting against his legs, you beg for him to touch you, and you quiet down once he places his hand over your core. “Right here? You want me to touch your little pussy?” He mockingly asks, smiling at the gasp that leaves your lips. He tears the flimsy material off your body, and spreads your thighs, sitting back to get a better view of you. “What do you want me to do, little one?”, “Please just fuck me, I need your cock,” You plead, hips raising up to search for friction.

He looks at you for a brief second, as if he were debating saying something, but chooses not to as he takes his remaining clothing off, his member slapping up against his lower stomach. Saliva fills your mouth as you realize how much you want to taste his leaking shaft, but you push that thought to the side as you whine for him to hurry.

“You don’t want me to prep you baby? You seem so small, and I don’t want to hurt you,” He starts before you cut him off “Please just fuck me, I know I’m wet enough for you. Just really need your cock to split me open,”. With your final plead, he grabs his length, pushing into you with a groan. You moan out from feeling the delicious burn of his cock stretching you open. As he bottoms out, you feel his cock twitch in you, clenching around him, and you reach forward to pull him down to kiss you.

Feeling you relax, he starts to pull out slowly, just to thrust back in with enough power to make you breathless. Leaning back up onto his heels, he increases his pace, one hand snaking down to rub your clit, the other being pulled by you to wrap around your throat. With the change of his angle, his cock hitting your sweet spot, you let out a loud whine, which makes him in turn thrusts faster into you while grasping the sides of your neck enough for you to see stars.

“Fuck baby I’m so close, be a good girl and come for me. Let go for me,” He huffs out, sweat on his brow, somehow making him look even hotter than what he already was. The knot in your stomach felt different that it had any other time you’ve came, and although you were sensitive, you were curious to see how this would make you feel. Grinding your hips up, you didn’t know if you were trying to chase this high or get away from Hongjoong’s stimulation.

“Stop running from me baby, c’mon, take what I have to give you,” the blue haired man says, his hips going at an even faster pace, his thumb following suit. Just as you feel him twitch inside of you before releasing, he slaps your clit- you cry out at the feeling, the knot in your stomach erupting, and your vision going white. Breathing unevenly, you come back to, seeing Hongjoong’s form looking down at your shaking body, giving you a tired, blinding smile. “You with me sweetheart? You did so well,” He says as he helps you sit up to sip the water bottle that was on your nightstand.

After calming down, you finally look down, noticing that not only was Hongjoong’s lower half soaked, but so was your bed sheets. “Holy shit Hongjoong, you made me squirt,” you exclaim out in shock, “It was really hot, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” He retorts before laying down next to you, wrapping his arm around you. “Like I’m the only one?” You huff out a laugh, “What happened to you needing help with English? You’re definitely a lot better than what you claimed you were,”, “Hey I needed some type of excuse to get to talk to you, alright?”, he explains as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

#hongjoong #hongjoong smut #ateez #ateez smut #requested smut #kpop smut #switch hongjoong

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the-bloody-masquerade · 4 years

Text

Bloodlines 2 - They/Them Pronouns and Trans and Asexual Representation

There has been some discussion recently regarding information that was presented in a recent podcast interview given by Bloodlines 2 writers Brian Mitsoda and Cara Ellison. I think it is important to know what was and what was not said and understand it in context so I would like to provide a transcript to the passages in question for us to reference as we continue to have discourse around the issue.

I also want to try to give a little more insight as to why they/them pronouns were not able to be added to the game as there are some substantial programming concerns when it comes to adding conditional content that cannot be accessed in versions of the game where the language used only has two pronouns instead of three.

This comes from episode 22 of The RE:BIND Podcast. Published on June 22nd, 2020. The interviewer is Emily Rose, the interviewees are Cara Ellison and Brian Mitsoda, lead co-writers of Bloodlines 2 (Mitsoda having been the original Writer on Bloodlines 1)

Character Creation and Pronouns (passage starts at 1:14:45)

Note: [...] denotes a false start or when they start their sentence over a couple times.

Emily: In Bloodlines 2, how is character creation being handled in terms of gender?

Cara: Oh, character creation. So, one of the major problems we have is, and actually this is not unique to us, but the entire industry, is that localization severely limits the way you can write characters and we’re actually coming up against this problem now even though we have made a bunch of decisions on like how you refer to the player character and the characters in our game. But like, a major problem that we always have in video games is that English has a way to refer to people who don’t want to have a gender. And a lot of languages around the world, don’t have that.

Brian: Currently, there’s like, movements in some languages to get that.

Cara: Right like, so if your Quebecois, there’s a term that’s like generally recognized as being ‘they’ that you can use, but a lot of languages might have people who for example are agender, but the terms that they use to refer to themselves are not thoroughly recognized throughout their language and country. And that provides us with a humungous problem because we are making a game about Seattle, and there are a large number of people who live in Seattle who don’t want to have a gender or don’t want to be referred to as a particular gender or they frankly don’t identify as a particular thing, so we represent those characters like we normally would, but we run into a bunch of problems when we try to localize. So like, in the character creation section what we decided was the best option for us is to essentially let you create the way your character looks in like, entirely separate of gender, so you can make your character look any way you like as masculine or as feminine or whatever you like. […] You basically can then say ‘I want to be referred to as ‘he’ or I want to be referred to as ‘she,’ and that’s the option that we give you. The reason we don’t give you the they/them option is because […] I think there are four or five languages that can do this, but a lot of European languages can’t refer to the player character as ‘they’ or ‘them’ because they have to choose one or the other, so, we ended up not being able to do the they/them option for the character creation. So we basically tried to give you a way of expressing yourself and how you look, whatever, but we do end up actually asking you to specify ‘he’ or ‘she’ because it actually is just the way we had to do it for localization. […] For example, when I worked at MiniMolecule they had the exact same problem and it’s a problem of scale as well, because if the scale was just like we only release in English, we could have done the third option, we just couldn’t do it. And also because, we actually systemically throughout the game, its structured to be able to like have lots of interactions based on your identity so we had to sort of choose that early on, so it kind of got structured that way as well. But we do have main characters in the game who do not have a defined gender, and at least if you play the game in English they will be referred to as ‘they.’ We did have the option for NPCs at least in English, to have that referent, but unfortunately, we were very limited by localization on that point. And we’re not the only game that’s limited by that, but as this is kind of more, this kind of specific thing in language rolls out across lots more languages I think actually it will become easier to do this over a time, I think, as well. I’m hoping, at least.

TLDR; You will create your characters appearance separate from physical sex or gender and then you will pick he/him or she/her pronouns. The reason why they/them is not being included is because most of the languages that the game is being localized in do not have a 3rd/gender neutral set of pronouns and [presumably] would require all version of the game that only include 2 pronouns (because of language) to have their dialogue systems reworked/separately programmed.

This is a bit different than “they should just put they/them in the English localization then.” If pronouns will be a character creation option that probably means they will be set up as a content trigger, which is what determines which voice and text lines you get (to correspond to your gender). For languages that only have two pronouns, what would you do with that third content trigger representing the they/them pronouns? They also talked content “structured to to be able to have interactions based on your identity.” If there were interactions that were only triggered by the they/them choice in character select, this content would effectively be lost in localizations that only had two pronouns in character select, (barring a comprehensive structural overhaul for regions with only two pronouns)

The quicker way to do this would just be to have most NPCs use as little gendered language as possible to make most lines an content universal/not have to trigger alternate text/content based on the pronoun choice, but then this may defeat the purpose of being able to customize your PC’s gender and pronouns to begin with. I do not mean to be an apologist. Gender neutral pronouns in RPGs are frankly overdue as an industry standard it is disheartening to hear that they/them will not be a choice in Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines 2. I just wanted to try and elaborate on why the inclusion/exclusion of gender neutral pronouns in a game slated for world release is from a programming standpoint more involved that one may at first think.

Trans Representation in Bloodlines 2 (1:19:37)

Emily: So obviously we have some kind of gender-nonconforming representation. What is there in terms of maybe more specific representation, like say, are there any transmen are there any transwomen? Anything like that. Is that brought up at any point during the game?

Cara: […] I think what we want to do in the future is, actually have some main characters be transmen or transwomen, but I don’t—unless the junior writers have actually—actually no the junior writers have written some characters new that we have specified to be trans. But I would have to check, unfortunately, I don’t think we have actually put anyone who’s trans into the game currently unless I’m forgetting about someone. But yeah, I think our plans are to do that, but we didn’t want to do it like we’re just oh, we’re gonna just put it in…

Brian: Yeah there’s definitely […] when you’re doing the [game] design stuff, you’re looking for a character that might fit for the scene or the quest or the story beat that you’re doing and so one thing I never want to do just try to shoehorn in everything that we want to do.

Cara: By the time I had joined the main cast had been very clearly defined, so we didn’t have the option to add a trans main character which is what we have wanted to do.

Brian: Yeah, I would also like it, if we do add a trans character, we can find a voice actor who’s also…

Cara: …trans as well.

Quests with Trans Themes and DLC (1:21:24)

(immediately follows last section)

Emily: That was gonna to be my next question, so that’s really good to hear actually. So I totally understand how it goes just in terms of like, the preplanning and establishing the world and things like that, and the main reason I bring it up in the first place is just because so much of Vampire does tend to gravitate around people’s identities their expressiveness with both their sexuality and who they are and so it’s just something that’s like kind of been kind of been some sort of undertone in the series for a long time so I was just curious how it was being handled in Bloodlines 2. Those are pretty sufficient answers.

[…a brief interlude where they talked about a random quest from Bloodlines 1]

(1:23:00)

Cara: We actually have a quest based on the idea of dysmorphia, like feeling like you’re trapped in your body and it doesn’t match the way you perceive yourself. A lot of our writing is based on what it actually feels like to be in this state of stasis when you weren’t expecting to feel that because it has happened suddenly to you. And so there are loads of issues that would be really valuable to explore in that way, and you know we have staff who are super interested in giving their input on that, so I think we should definitely approach it, we just haven’t actually put it in the game in terms of main characters. We wanna make a trans main character, I think that’s important to us. We’ve got some DLC coming up that we’re gonna like make a greater effort on that front, like its Seattle, it would be so weird if we didn’t have trans characters. [Note: Cara lives in Seattle currently.

Brian: Mmhmm

Cara: So, yeah. [to Brian] Ask Margaret as well, our voiceover director, if there are any trans actors that she would recommend we could cast for the role and maybe write it for them. So yeah.

Emily: So that’s the thing and even I struggle really to think of many games that have a trans character in a main role, let alone--I can’t actually think off the top of my head unless they’re very like micro indie stuff any games that feature like a trans woman protagonist. I think the last time I saw a transwoman in a game was I think I wanna say like Dishonoured 2, one of the semi-core side characters you encountered for one of the quests is a documented as trans.

Cara: And I think the Dishonoured 2 team really really really made a huge effort on that front to be able to represent a huge variety of different backgrounds of people. They were very interested in [doing that] from the start, so yeah I think there are like some games where it does matter too, and it really feels like the world is bigger when you actually provide those characters.

In-game Asexual Characters and Their Ideal Approach to Portraying LGBT+ characters. (1:25:29)

Cara: But yeah, like we have tried to represent asexuality as well in the game.

Emily: Good good.

Cara: We have characters who are asexual. Who are canon asexual. And yeah, […] We try as well, not to write it sort of clumsily, we don’t write characters that like, out themselves, because that’s not—

Brian: No, because generally someone does come up and say that immediately.

Cara: when you’re from a background that has been marginalized, you’re very aware of your own safety. Especially if a stranger who looks shady approaches you, like our characters, you’re not gonna like immediately say it. But we make it explicit that this is who they are, but not in a way like ‘Hi, I’m Cara! I’m transgender!’ You know?

Brian: Yeah, yeah.

Cara: I think some of the ways in which people have done it in the past have been a little clumsy so I’m very aware of that as well.

Brian: Yeah, I would never want to handle it in a way that’s like ‘The main thing about that character is that they are trans’ like that’s not right at all

Cara: I want the main thing about that person to be something that they’re interested in, like, actually like exploring with the player character and I think like, most people are coming from somewhere when they approach you and its not going to be about I want to talk about my…[they both trail off laughing,]

Brian: They probably want to talk about a way in which they’re going to fuck you over. Or get something from you, or get you to do something for them.

Cara: Yeah and I would love to write a trans character who is like really really interesting and really really involved in something and I don’t want it [their transness] to be their defining [feature].

Thank you for reading.

#vampire the masquerade #bloodlines 2 #vtmb2 #discourse #cara ellison #brian mitsoda #pronouns discourse #lgbt+ representation #vtmb2 pronouns discourse #dysphoria ment #dysphoria mention #dysmorphia ment #dysmorphia mention #vampire the masquerade bloodlines #vampire the masquerade bloodlines 2 #re:bind.io #re:bind podcast

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sunwisecircle · 3 years

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Hwaet (a very long baby hellenic rambling)

The past few days I’ve just sort of been thinking about religion and my personal practice and all that good noise.

It started out just with me thinking about things that’ve changed since I started worshipping Dionysos.

The biggest change, probably, is that I really just do not care about my weight anymore, and I don’t get as grossed out seeing my body in the mirror. My weight and positive body image has been something I’ve struggled with as long as I can remember -- probably starting when my sister and I had our doctor’s appts at the same time growing up and we were both measured and weighed at the same time. My sister was taller than me for a long time, but she consistently weighed around 5kg less than I did; she was always built skinny, whereas I have always been built to survive hard winters as a peasant, apparently. It led to quite a bit of teasing from my sister, and that combined with my mother’s own insecurity about her weight and appearance, which she constantly transferred to me. Once I was on my own I fought for years to keep myself at a certain weight, obsessing over what I ate and how much, worrying about going to the gym, worrying about what size clothes I wore, getting disgusted if I saw my stomach... And now I just... don’t. I don’t care. I see my stomach when I stretch at night before bed and it doesn’t actively bother me. I don’t know how much I weigh, and it’s none of my business. I like chocolate and sweets and bread and wine, so I enjoy them. I like fruit and peanut butter and potatoes so I eat them. As long as my clothes still fit, I don’t care, and the only reasons I want to lose weight at all is because I have a bunch of band t-shirts that are no longer available to be bought which I no longer fit into, my wool trenchcoat doesn’t fit, and if I lose weight then maybe my chest will get smaller.

There are still days when I feel dysphoric, of course, but now that I’ve accepted that about myself, I can do something about it. Before I always had the problem that whenever I felt dysphoric, I fought even harder to present and behave as my AGAB, which only ever made things worse and caused sort of a spiral. Now, if I look in the mirror and see a man, I just grab my binder and wear one set of makeup (if any); if I see a woman, I don’t grab my binder and wear a different set of makeup (if any). I even had a day of what was I guess gender euphoria where I must have been feeling incredibly masc because between what I was wearing and my behaviour that day I was like !!!!!!. So that’s a change, too.

I also have an easier time taking breaks, which is mind-blowing for me. I mean, I still have a lot of difficulty with it, and it’s still very, very difficult for me to wind down and unplug completely (thus why burnout is always looming for me), but I can actually allow myself to take breaks, now. I took the week off from doing university things last week because I felt like my mental health was declining, and I didn’t feel as anxious about it as I could have, as I would have previously.

That last part got me thinking about how I really, really don’t want to burnout again while in grad school (or at all, really, but grad school is kind of at the forefront here since I’m so close to the finish line), and to that end, I think something’s got to give. For quite some time now I’ve tried to balance religious activities with university with work, but it’s just too much for me and the only place I can really cut back is religion: I only work two days a week, so cutting down there can’t be a thing; and I can’t just not do research for the current term paper if I want to graduate within the next year or so. I still definitely want to have Dionysos Donnerstag and of course I’ll still pray, but doing any sort of religious research is going to have to be a no since it takes a lot of time and mental energy for me to do so, and all the energy I have for research has to go into grad school right now. I haven’t run the idea by Dionysos yet, but I get the feeling that he won’t mind since every time I talk to him about it, he always gets on me to go slow and take little steps, not to do everything all at once.

That being said, I have made a few changes to my practice as well in an effort to build it even without killing myself with research. I felt like Dionysos sort of... pushed me towards Demeter -- it was quite some time ago, too, actually -- and so I’ve been wanting to get to know her better. Maybe it’s because the relationship with my own mother is so bad (guess who’s still hasn’t heard from their mother or sister in months) and gefühlt always has been, but I’m sort of gravitating to her as a mother figure (which would make sense given the nudging I feel like Dionysos gave me). My father and I didn’t vibe either; nor have my sister and I (though for a while there it seemed like it was going so well?). So... Ares for that first (I’m not even lying when I say I desperately want Ares to adopt me; I would probably actually cry if he was okay with being my dad); and Hermes, who I feel like has been around for-literally-ever, is not only my patron because I’m a historical linguist who moved to another country and wants to teach languages for a living but also gives off immaculate big brother vibes.

I really am just trying to build a divine family. Dionysos as my Herr & Herrscher (I have no idea how to translate that to English and still get the same feeling that Herr und Herrscher has, also both words can be translated to Lord afskjlagadgsjö), Demeter as my mom, Ares as my dad, and Hermes as my brother. Since Dionysos has Thursday, I gave Demeter Monday, Ares Tuesday, and Hermes Wednesday, and on their days I reflect on them & say an extra prayer to them specifically before bed (and sometimes burn some incense or do some other activity for them -- which is why I may move Demeter to Sunday since I have work on Monday and it’s hard to reflect on her while I’m in a windowless warehouse throwing around 15kg boxes and dragging a cart with 300L of product behind me).

I painted one of my Warhammer minis (because painting some of Husband’s minis as practice for my Dionysos minis -- which I still don’t feel confidant enough to paint, btw -- turned into me enjoying painting the damn things so I guess that’s a hobby I have now oops) for Ares, a lady warrior dressed in reds and purples. I’m making a little votive offering for Hermes, something pretty to put salt and spice and dice in. I want to give one of my plants to Demeter, but maybe I’ll do something else for her, too.

My four dedicated days, plus praying to Hestia every morning and evening, and offering to the Agathos Daimon once a month... I don’t feel like that’s too much. We’ll see how it goes, I guess.

#shut up dyllan #baby hellenic ramblings

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kingspoetrysoc · 3 years

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Interview with Konstantinos Pappis

Konstantinos Pappis is a poet and King’s alumnus who studied Strategic Entrepreneurship and Innovation for his Master’s. He shares his blackout poems on Tumblr @blackout-diary and on Instagram @blackout_diary, and is the Music Editor at Our Culture. The King’s Poet’s Karen Ng talks to Konstantinos about his poetic experiences, process, and inspirations.

What is your earliest memory of poetry?

Like many people, my earliest memories of poetry are associated with school, where I felt pretty alienated by the way we approached poetry. It felt cold and analytical and I struggled to connect with it on a personal level – or perhaps there was less of a need to at that age. Although there were some Greek poets we studied in school whose work I remember liking, including C.P. Cavafy, Kostas Karyotakis, and Odysseas Elitis, it wasn't until later during my adolescence when I started discovering poetry outside of an academic context that I was able to appreciate it more. Things really started to change when I was introduced to English and American poets; for some reason, something about it not being in my native language made it easier to engage with and relate to. And then eventually I was able to approach different kinds of poetry from both an intellectual and an emotional standpoint.

How did you first realise you wanted to write poetry? What do you enjoy the most about writing?

In a word, Tumblr (RIP). But honestly, finding a community of people who used poetry as a form of expression more than anything else inspired me to do the same. I realised it wasn’t this inaccessible, overly sophisticated thing that you had to be especially clever or well-read to really get. Again, if you weren’t doing it to get a good grade, it was considered a bit weird to engage with poetry in any way, so seeing it outside of that context was pretty eye-opening.

It was also something that came with realising I had a passion for the arts in general. Music had always been my primary outlet, but poetry took over when I felt I needed the words to have more space on their own – to jump out on the page and release all the teenage angst I was going through, because listening to Creep every day somehow wasn’t enough. None of that poetry was any good, of course, but it was vital. And when I felt like this really personal thing was something I could share and exchange with friends, writing also became an important part of embracing vulnerability and forming close connections, too. I came to enjoy it more as a medium than an art form, in a way – at first, at least.

In terms of what I enjoy about it now… Well, it’s hard to articulate, but if we’re talking about writing poetry specifically, I guess the appeal hasn’t changed all that much. It’s been a while since I’ve felt inspired to write a poem, but in the past it’s always been when I felt like I need to channel something that I couldn’t through any other form. Some might view the poetic form as being kind of limiting, but I feel like it’s quite the opposite – it’s almost freeing in the endless possibilities that it presents.

Above: a blackout poem by Konstantinos. The source text is “Moon” by @makingthingswrite on Instagram.

You’ve written a lot of amazing blackout poems! What about this form appeals the most to you?

Blackout poetry appeals to me for almost entirely different reasons. I treat it more like a mental exercise that can be both calming and stimulating; something that operates on a more subconscious level. I like that I don’t have to be particularly inspired to do it, not even by the text that I’m using. I like that it doesn’t necessarily have to make sense, that I don’t have to stress over the final result too much. I like that it can then inspire me to make something else. I like the visual aspect of it, the act of repurposing something and giving it new meaning not just by altering the text but also its surroundings. Of course, people can make blackout poetry in a much more intentional way, but what sets it apart for me is that it’s a creative outlet that can be simple and almost passive yet gratifying at the same time.

How do you select a text for your blackout poems – where do you look? What do you look for?

It really varies: sometimes I’ll take photos from a book – I used to do blackout on old books nobody would ever open, but I switched to doing everything digitally – and sometimes I’ll search for poems or articles randomly online. Reviews often work quite well. There does have to be something about the text that sticks out to me for me to use it as a source, but I tend not to overthink it.

I love that – inspiration is everywhere in our daily lives, even when we aren’t looking for it! Can you tell us a little about your writing process? Is it more emotion-led or methodical?

For blackout it’s entirely intuitive. For poetry in general I would say it’s almost always emotion-led, but the editing part can be more methodical. Normally, a lot of it happens late at night when I can’t sleep, and if I can’t sleep long enough for me to write things down and it doesn’t strike me as absolutely terrible in the morning, then it might turn into a poem.

Above: a blackout poem by Konstantinos. The source text is Sam Sodomsky’s review of duendita’s song “Open Eyes”. Your poem pebble (an ode) was one of the first poems to be published in our magazine. It isn’t a blackout poem, but could you tell us a little about it too – do you remember what it was like writing it?

See above re: late-night thoughts and the utter absurdity of the human condition!

How has your experience of sharing your poetry to Instagram been? Are there any tips you could share with our readers?

I haven’t done it in a year, partly due to a lack of inspiration and partly because I’ve tried to distance myself from Instagram and other social media platforms as much as I can – though maybe I’ll go back to Tumblr? But my experiences with the Instagram writing community have been nothing but great – I participated in Escapril back in April of last year, a yearly event founded by Savannah Brown, that encourages users to write and share a poem a day based on a prompt. It was a really great and fun challenge that helped me write and read more and connect with other poets. I would say participating in these kinds of communities is probably the best way to utilise the platform.

Thank you for that advice! On a similar note, which poets and poems inspire you the most? These could include childhood inspirations… Have your influences changed over the years?

I would not be the person I am nor would I have any interest in poetry if it weren’t for Sylvia Plath. I can’t even pinpoint exactly when I first encountered her work, but I identified with it to an almost unhealthy degree as a teenager, as I’m sure many people have. I still get that feeling whenever I revisit her poetry or read more about her life and art. Also, a lot of spoken word videos from people like Sarah Kay really resonated with me at a young age.

More recently, the closest I’ve gotten to that feeling of being deeply excited and inspired by poetry was when I discovered Savannah Brown’s work a couple of years ago. Her spoken word videos and poetry films really moved me, and her second poetry collection – which came out last year – is absolutely incredible (I wrote about it here). Lately I’ve also been listening to a lot of musicians whose work intersects with poetry, including Cassandra Jenkins and Anika Pyle, whose most recent albums reckon with grief and loss in a really powerful way.

Above: a blackout poem by Konstantinos. The source text is Christopher Gilbert’s poem “Fire Gotten Brighter”. Are there any styles besides blackout which you particularly love, or themes? Are there any topics you gravitate towards?

I’ve always gravitated towards confessional poetry, both in terms of what I tend to write and what I like to read. Something most of the writers I’ve mentioned have in common is that they use intimate language to evoke a deep yearning for connection, in the face of existential dread and the unfathomable vastness of the cosmos. That usually does the trick!

Have any experiences at King’s Poetry Society or King’s in general – events, classes, readings, people you’ve met, or London itself – been particularly memorable, or inspired you? Can you tell us a little about them?

Absolutely. Just being in London, not even necessarily the experiences I had there, made me want to write more poetry than I had in a long time. There’s a Savannah Brown video essay on YouTube where she talks about passing a billion people on the street – obviously in the before times – and being like, “Who are all of you people? Could I care for you? How many of you idiots could I love?” That’s basically the gist of what had been stirring in me for a long time and that I still think about to this day. And then being a part of King’s Poetry Society was an opportunity for me to try and channel that, and engage in an actual physical writing community in a way I never had before. I literally read a poem inspired by that video during one of our poetry reading events – that will certainly stay with me.

Above: Konstantinos’ poem “doors on the underground”. He read this poem at one of the 2019-20 King’s Poetry Society critique sessions.

How important do you think writing communities are, in fostering “better” writing? In your experience, is writing helped by discussion?

I think they’re incredibly important, not just in fostering “better” writing but also fostering a space for vulnerability. Poetry can be an intensely private form of writing, but so much can be gained from discussing it, especially if one is looking to not only hone their craft but also learn from and connect with others. Us writers can be especially introverted people (hi!), and may be discouraged by the long stretches of silence that can pervade a poetry meeting, but there’s power in hearing the words you or someone else has written out loud. Even a single comment can completely change a way you think about a poem.

What do you think the value of reading poetry is? Can a poem profoundly change someone’s life? Conversely, can someone read a poem and be unaffected – and if this happens, has a poet “failed”?

I think Marianne Moore sums it up pretty well in her poem Poetry, where she talks about finding in it “a place for the genuine.” As for the second question, poetry can definitely change someone’s life – not to be corny or anything, but like all art, it can also save someone’s life.

That said, I don’t think a poet has failed if the reader feels emotionally unaffected by their work. Sometimes, a writer may wish to portray an event or theme in a cold and unaffecting manner to get a certain point across. There’s value in that type of poetry, too, and art’s inherent subjectivity means that someone might be moved by a poem that someone else feels indifferent towards. There’s also value in poetry that is private and not meant to be shared, because even if only one person derives something from it, then it is valuable. I do think, however, that the further one strays from that ideal of earnestness, the closer the work hinges on being trivial or pretentious. We’ve moved past the need to be overly cynical or ironic.

I agree, poetry that is never shared is not lesser by any means – I find great personal value in treating a poem like a diary of sorts. Maybe each stanza mimics a different entry... With all that you feel manifesting into this thing that is at once completely attached to your experience but also – if shared – something that becomes detached and open to reinterpretation... That is really powerful. How do you think people who have never written before could be encouraged to start writing for themselves, whether for fun or as catharsis – without the pressures of becoming someone recognised or followed?

I really like that approach! I think the diaristic style of writing is often looked down upon as less legitimate, even though it isn’t. To answer your question, I think normalising the act of writing poetry purely for enjoyment or as a form of catharsis is really important, especially from a young age. Part of that could be achieved by exposing young people to more than what one might call the poetic canon. Being disappointed that a student isn’t engaging with poetry when they’ve only been introduced to Shakespeare is like assuming someone isn’t musically inclined when they’ve only been exposed to a single genre of music. Another way would be to incorporate more writing activities that utilise the poetic form, and allow the freedom to explore it outside the confines of academic study. I’m not saying all teachers should follow the example of Dead Poets Society, but there are so many ways to foster creativity and make poetry more approachable.

Do you think poetry is sometimes perceived as an inaccessible art?

100%. I think that’s the biggest problem with how poetry is perceived. A lot of it comes down to the way poetry has been taught and disseminated for centuries – through a lens that is inherently exclusionary, upheld by systems that are classist, racist, sexist, etc. Hopefully that is starting to change – studies have shown that more and more young people read and write poetry, largely thanks to the rise of social media poetry. Poetry can represent such a wide range of experiences, but for people to view it as an accessible art form, more barriers need to be broken. Amanda Gorman becoming the youngest inaugural poet in American history, and the first Black poet ever to perform at the Super Bowl this year alone is certainly a huge sign of progress.

Do you have a favourite literary journal, or a poetry platform you would like to recommend? What have you been reading lately?

Subscribing to the Poetry Foundation and the Academy of American Poets’ poem-a-day newsletters has been a great way of keeping poetry in my everyday life. Recently, I’ve also been loving a podcast called Poetry Unbound, where each 10-15 minute episode immerses you into a single poem. On YouTube, I love Ours Poetica, a video series curated by poet Paige Lewis in collaboration with the Poetry Foundation that features readings of poems by writers, artists, and actors – including John Green reading Moore’s Poetry and Savannah Brown reading her poem the universe may stop expanding in five billion years. It offers a truly intimate and approachable way of experiencing poetry.

Above: Konstantinos’ poem “lonely little london”.

Is it important to you to read a wide variety of poetry, from different communities and on different subjects? Do you think it’s important for poets to write about things beyond their immediate world?

That’s probably the biggest shift that has happened since I first got into poetry – realising how important it is to read widely. I was mostly drawn to poetry that reflected my own limited experience, but now more than ever I find it vital to immerse myself in different points of view, especially from underrepresented or marginalised groups. I now see poetry less as a means of personal expression than a form of empathy, and because of that I’m able to gain so much more from it. That said, I don’t think it’s necessary for poets to write about things that aren’t part of their immediate world. It depends on one’s goals and ambitions, but there’s already so much that’s unique about a person’s immediate world – things that are reflected in society at large – that being forced to write outside of it can often lead to work that feels hollow and insincere, or even insensitive. That doesn’t mean it has to be limiting – the beauty of poetry is that you can write about your immediate world but not necessarily through it.

Lastly… Do you think a poet is born a poet, or made into one? Which is more important: natural talent, or practice and growth? Can anyone become a poet? If everyone has it in them, do you think anyone who puts their mind to it can produce meaningful work – since, of course, all work is meaningful in one way or another, whether privately or publicly?

This is a slightly tricky question to answer, because either way it could imply that only some are afforded the privilege of becoming poets. If a small percentage of people are born poets, then of course that means everyone else is inherently excluded; if one is made into a poet, then only those who are able to cultivate any artistic inclinations will have the opportunity of fulfilling their potential. Most people will say the truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle, that it’s some complicated combination of the two. But I feel it’s much simpler than that – when you boil it down, really, everyone is born a poet.

#Konstantinos Pappis #interviewer: Karen Ng #Interviews #king's poetry society

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katherinemacbride · 3 years

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Sticky Metaphors: The Matter of Meaning

Exposition

In living with an awareness of the entanglement of matter and meaning, words have consequences. If you directly translate a metaphor from another language into the one we are speaking, chances are it will carry the shape of the idea but not the historical context. Metaphors reveal connections that have become embedded within a culture to the point of passing unremarked.

One day in the past I wrote urgently: I will be as attentive as possible to my use of metaphor in my writing. I will be mindful of the implicit ideologies embedded into certain metaphors and try to invent alternatives. I came to this writing with a fear of metaphor, grounded in feminist critique of the patriarchal and imperialist power of language as representation. However, while language is indeed an ineffective tool in conveying the complexity of the material world, it is also a tool that I have. Rather than disavowing metaphor, I will seek to engage with it creatively, engaging with its etymological root of “carrying across.”

Metaphors have several components: the “tenor” is the concept and the “vehicle” is the image that carries it across. Leaning too hard into the vehicle of metaphors risks cutting away the tenor, the weight, of what they’re describing. My favourite writing often asks the words to hold tightly to the dual roles and responsibilities of tenor and vehicle, to pack a tense density into metaphors that troubles the insistently not-yet-dead Western notion of the separability of matter and meaning. Leaning into metaphor so the weight of the tenor holds your body in place in the vehicle makes some of the co-constitution tangible; what’s present, what’s excluded, and what’s cutting the present-and-excluded together and apart. It collapses some of that distance. Both/And. Carry over.

Cutting together and apart (entanglement)

In Meeting the Universe Halfway, Karen Barad (2007) describes how matter and meaning are entangled. Each apparatus – boundary-making practice – makes “agential cuts.” Barad is initially writing about observing electrons in the lab; how they can behave differently depending on which apparatus is being used to observe them. But she extends her point that there is no “outside” from which to observe “objectively” into a call to responsibility based on the collapsing together of ethics, ontology, and epistemology: matter is performative and discourse is material. Each cut of a boundary-making practice into matter-discourse excludes certain possibilities in order to make others intelligible. An electron appears as a wave or a particle or both, depending how it is observed.

To give something a name or a category is a boundary making practice. A name brings different possibilities of meaning nearer and farther. A category formation limits or enables, effecting those captured within it and those excluded beyond its boundary.

There is no separability between the boundary-making practice that cuts, the intelligibility it produces, and the matter that uses this intelligibility to make meaning. What the boundary-making practice excludes – cuts out, cuts away – always remains present, even if it is not knowable to the intelligibility it co-constitutes, cuts together. Barad calls this “exteriority-within.”

Some humans use managerial language to hide or elide the violence of boundary-making cuts that deny the intricacies of interdependency and its responsibilities. In this system of globalised racial capitalism, names like “detention centre” or “managed extraction” mean toxicity and death for many to pay for profit and property for some.

Transformation-in-relation (working models)

In the week-long residential workshop “Mobilis in Mobili: On Space, Time, Motion, and Forces,” organised by philosopher and physicist Gabriel Catren for non-physicists and physicists alike [1], participants use language to make transitions and translations. We move between thinking in spacetimes that feel different to the experience of being on Earth, and the tactile and conversational space of the room where we are learning while sitting on sofas, listening to music in the breaks while birds look in the window.

Wild use of metaphors abounds over meals as people who speak humanities try and integrate maths and physics into everyday speech. During the day “geometry” was a schema of axioms; now it means “a mode of arrangement or relations.” I have struggled with visualising the matrices used to plot the four dimensions of objects in motion. Over dinner I start to use “matrix” to mean "complex field of relations.” The poetry of “worldline” attracts like a gravitational pull. I think it means the totality of all of the positions a particle holds in space and time while it holds to one identity; here it speaks to the stories of matter and the paths I track for orientation through spacetime I have learned how to feel in limited ways. The word “intuition” gains density and strength; a valuable, and fallible, guiding tool that connects to non-linguistic ways of knowing that stretch space and time. A question that’s used frequently to open conversation is, “What is your intuition on that?”

In this multi-disciplinary space people listen carefully to each other and ask thoughtful questions trying to understand one another’s ways of doing things. These conversations happen while bodies cook or stack the dishwasher repeatedly; side by side joint attention on an external object can make it easier to share verbally. Eye contact checks crucial points of meaning but bodies provide most of what is necessary.

Someone explains to me that mathematicians do not have to speak great English. There is less pressure on words because they can use mathematical formulae. It can hold working models for to all who know it regardless of what other languages they think in. This form of abstraction holds its poetics differently than words – the expressive texture isn’t as loose, the axioms are firmer, the parameters of the abstract space are more transparent – but it’s no less weird or wild.

In this learning space, the workshop leader uses working models instead of metaphors. We’re thinking beyond the visualisable dimensions and properties of space and time on Earth so we stay grounded with thought experiments where dimensions and properties of space and time off-Earth can be broken down into proofs. There is a train leaving the train station. Inside the train there is a clock and there is an infinite array of clocks all along the train tracks. The train and the station and the clocks are all in a vacuum…

Interlude (unnaming)

We met in the overburdened garden. One of us was already not comfortable identifying as he and had yet to find an articulation for this feeling, but soon would move quickly through they into she. Another of us was freshly out of a long-term relationship feeling the pressure of liminal fertility. One was me, she then, not now. Summer and sage stroked our skin and the resting containers of sun tea. We read, sat beside one another, with texts laid out on the horizontal planes around and between us.

Reading beside [2], not through or into, just with. Looking for ways to talk, without names [3], about what ways of knowing might be possible through the end of the world [4]. We were trying to apply our words differently to the world, to not rely on the pieces of code that we’d built in our schools, our friendships, our amniotic sacs, our visits to government offices, our experiences of being employed when that was still a thing, in all the times we’d done something we didn’t want because someone else did, and in all the times we’d made someone do something they didn’t want but we did. We were searching for a metaphor-less methodology for collective thinking. Reading transversally, without a singular guiding line, without shortcut words to make maps of shortcut worlds, we fumbled.

Transformation-in-relation (fermentation)

Fermentation is a metabolic process where one compound is broken down through anaerobic respiration into other compounds. For example, a carbohydrate can be fermented into alcohol and carbon dioxide. Fermentation has been used figuratively for a long time to speak about activity and agitation – passion – usually now in relation to the production of ideas and cultural objects. The word “ferment” itself comes directly from the Latin: fermentum for the noun, fermentare for the verb. This latter may itself be a contraction from the Latin verb fervere (to boil or foam). The Proto-Indo-European root of fervere is bhreu-, which I speak in words for food, fire, water, and feelings: bread, bratwurst, braze, burn (the Scottish word for stream), brew, barmy, brood, embroil.

Columbian artists’ collective Laagencia have a practice of creating open programmes called Escuelas de Garaje. The event I write about here, Escuela de Garaje – vol. Fermentation, took place in August 2020 in and around an art space in Rotterdam called Rib [5].

We were sitting, standing, moving in the long art space in the neighbourhood where many artists were sitting in subsidised real estate. Some in the neighbourhood were building mutual aid, open-source infrastructures, and friendships with neighbours who weren’t artists; some were grumbling. For the first time, the window to the long art space invited entry. Laagencia had painted basic information across the large shop window about what was happening inside, when, and said that anyone could join. They kept the door open and played music out into the street: salsa, cumbia, reggaeton. People who wouldn’t usually come in stopped by to listen and chat.

Fermentation was encouraged in weekly practices of reading, open kitchen/bread-making, and visiting places together. Laagencia’s gatherings were accumulating a larger, looser collective to mind out for the fostered bacterial cultures. Microbial life was being centred and given human attention. Already-ongoing neighbourhood activities of food production and anti-gentrification organising were also being centred [6].

I joined for “fermentreadings.” People talked, listened, settled, stirred, ate, drank, read, together. Someone brewed coffee. Someone sliced bread. Someone talked about how they made the drink in the bottle they held. Someone put a piece of electronic equipment into a mason jar of polluted river water to learn if microbes might grow in the relation of these substances. Someone cooked sourdough pancakes with leftover starter on a hotplate. Someone washed cutlery. The long art space was filled with life. The table gave bottles and jars of differently coloured liquids and pickled foods; hand-written labels. The reading happened incrementally but non-linearly, by consent, each chunk digested slowly with conversation about lived experiences and effervescent connecting of ideas and matter.

In the practice of Laagencia, fermentation is happening literally and figuratively. They activate multiple processes of transformation-in-relation that remind the humans engaging in these processes of the fragility of the epistemological structures we have been given at school that prop up the state we are standing in, feed its extractive economy, and, in this Dutch neighbourhood six meters below sea level, produce the very ground we are standing on.

Fermentation insists there are many ways of knowing and being that are not to do with profit and property. Bacterial boundary-making practices create possibilities that humans depend on for life. Around these processes of transformation and onto-epistemological humbleness, fermentation as metaphor supports the gathering of heterogenous groups through its affective power. In their self-published pamphlet Garage School Fermentation (2020), Laagencia write: “Through fermenting we learn that matter and metaphors can still be changed.”

Cutting together and apart (listening)

Listen to your body, to your dreams, to your intuition. Listen to the voices of your ancestors, to what the Earth is telling you.

These are things some people say and other people understand but some people find troublesome. The trouble accumulates around the questions of whether listening is meant literally or figuratively, and where might the edges of literal or figurative be. In Western traditional thought, listening describes what happens when some humans perceive and understand sound. Often it is connected to the ears and the brain, sometimes to the body. But the separation of the senses into touch, taste, hearing, sight, smell (and the subsequent expanding list of nerve-neurology perception pathways with names like proprioception, pain reception, temperature sensing) is only one way of making this cut.

As a thought experiment, imagine someone raised in a Western knowledge system who experiences the senses as separate and their body as autonomous and independent. Perhaps for this person, listening is a sensory modality where it is easier for them to experience themselves as porous in relation to other life, to feel that their body is an integrated system that cannot be disconnected from other systems. Perhaps this experience and the collapse of separation, autonomy, and independence it invokes is why sound is often gendered and racialised into noise or why sound is used so often as an instrument of torture [7].

Like sound, skin-to-skin touch of human hands is also sensed as an oscillating wave of vibration through the nervous system. Current ways of thinking say that what is being vibrated differs (air, flesh) and the nerves and brain region processing the vibration are different. But that is only one way of cutting this experience into intelligibility. A different cut, towards the category of the waveform rather than the parts of the human it is waving through, could say that what is happening in hearing and touch perception is more similar than different. With this cut, we’d need to find more words for what we experience when we listen to mechanical, electromagnetic, or gravitational waves as they move through us.

But sticking with the cut of listening being about sound, we still grow complicating connective paths among what the cut has just separated. If listening is hearing – i.e. the sensing and perception of vibrating sound waves within a frequency range that stimulates the auditory apparatus of animals, plus the integration of what is being heard into a form of meaning (Oliveros, 2005) – then listening is an accumulation of experience and memory.

But sound waves don’t only vibrate within the frequency range of the human auditory apparatus. Some humans learn to interpret technical instruments or the behaviour of non-human life and matter who do sense that frequency range. Listening here involves reading through the accumulation of memory and experience of a trained listener, like a seismologist or a cardiographer. But experience and memory (even only of sound) don’t only live in the brain; they live in the body and its environment, and through cultural and spiritual practices. What kind of listening listens to them?

Robin Wall Kimmerer, botanist and member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation, makes this cut (2020): “…we say that we know a thing when we know it not only with our physical senses, with our intellect, but also when we engage our intuitive ways of knowing, of emotional knowledge and spiritual knowledge. And that’s really what I mean by listening.”

If I wanted to propose a non-extractive and non-dominating listening then it would need to attend to and integrate what has happened and been repressed from experience and memory, and become aware of effects that are not compressed into a waveform but experienced or remembered in another way. Listening as a description of this more-than-sonic experience might become a temporary metaphor for the kinds of attention and awareness that English doesn’t have so many good names for, like how Fred Moten and Stefano Harney define hapticality in The Undercommons (2013, p. 98): “the capacity to feel through others, for others to feel through you, for you to feel them feeling you.”

This is listening as poly-sensory, poly-temporal experience. The frame of this listening is understood differently than in Western scientific understandings of human hearing – listening involves listening to “sounds” that are not normatively “sounded,” and entities that do not produce sound in a normative way are entities one can listen to. It is possible to listen into times other than the present. This listening is a collective activity, in relation with others, although those others do not have to be humans; different forms of life and matter are interdependent and co-constitute the listening possibilities. Understanding is not the only intention and may well not be achievable. Listening to plural ontologies, epistemologies and cosmologies asks for learning from their plurality of stories, memories and experiences; things known and unknown; beliefs.

Coda

We slip into metaphors comfortably like worn-in shoes, borrowing their easy clarity. Metaphors can carry affective energy for gathering political collectivity to change practices of thinking and doing. They can connect actions and materials to ideas and feelings. Depending on how they are used, they can also conceal power. Leaning too hard into the vehicle risks losing the tenor. My metaphors are mixed and made in relation to yours so, how do we take care of them and mind where we are as we use them without fumbling too much?

1 The workshop was held at Performing Arts Forum, France in September 2018. Performing Arts Forum is a building run on principles of self-organisation by members where individuals or groups may stay for relatively low cost. The reproduction and sustaining of this space by all those who inhabit it is a central aspect of spending time there. Sometimes people organise specific workshops there, such as this one, which are open to all who respond to the announcement.

2 One of the pieces of paper was a photocopy of page eight of Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick’s Touching Feeling: Affect, Pedagogy, Performativity (2003). There, she proposes “beside” as a prepositional relation that carries more plural (and spatial) possibilities than “beneath” or “beyond,” which invoke linear time through a focus on either origin or telos. In her argument, “beside” is non-dualistic, for multiple things can be beside each other and need not be equal, equivalent, or oppositional. So “beside” offers a mode with which to avoid the dualisms of a variety of linear logics, not only temporal ones.

3 Other pieces of paper held a print out of Ursula K Le Guin’s “She Unnames Them,” a short story originally published in the New Yorker in 1985. The story describes the aftermath of a societal process of unnaming living beings from categorising nouns: “I could not chatter away as I used to do, taking it all for granted. My words must be as slow, as new, as single, as tentative as the steps I took going down the path away from the house, between the dark-branched, tall dancers motionless against the winter shining.”

4 Yet other pieces of paper held a printed-out scan of Denise Ferreira da Silva’s “Toward a Black Feminist Poethics: The Quest(ion) of Blackness Toward the End of the World” (2014). That paper works through two questions: “Would the poet’s intention emancipate the Category of Blackness from the scientific and historical ways of knowing that produced it in the first place, which is also the Black Feminist Critic worksite? Would Blackness emancipated from science and history wonder about another praxis and wander in the World, with the ethical mandate of opening up other ways of knowing and doing?”

5 Laagencia describe themselves as: “an office of art projects that promotes investigation and processes in art + education, stimulates debate on artistic and instituting practices, experimenting with different strategies and methodologies of work to propose formats of mediation, public programs in collaboration, self-publishing exercises, and alternative ways of doing with others…The project is made up of five artists, without any kind of hierarchy, all of them are directors, producers and participants.” https://laagencia.net/laagencia/ [K’s translation.]

6 It is beyond the scope of this text to adequately address the long-term gentrification of Rotterdam. Present in the events I describe are multiple complex local histories of the ways in which some artists have been willingly instrumentalised by the municipality in gentrification processes while others have been active in anti-gentrification movements, the particularities of European white supremacy in the Dutch context, and a regional experiment in running a municipality as a neoliberal form of service provider.

7 Noise is an imprecise category, with contextual meanings in different forms of practice or disciplines of knowledge. It has frequently been mobilised in multiple different ways as one side (bad) of a highly mobile (following the moving needs of a power structure) good/bad binary. Persons, beings, forms, or sounds can be coded as noisy following multiple logics of white supremacist imperialist patriarchal oppression. For just a few examples across a range of disciplines and oppressions see: Weheliye 2005, Kheshti 2015, Stoever 2016, Thompson 2017, Steingo and Sykes 2019, Robinson 2020.

References

Barad, Karen. Meeting the Universe Halfway. Durham: Duke University Press, 2007.

da Silva, Denise Ferreira. “Toward a Black Feminist Poethics: The Quest(ion) of Blackness Toward the End of the World.” The Black Scholar 44, no. 2 (Summer 2014): 81–97.

Harney, Stefano, and Fred Moten. The Undercommons: Fugitive Planning and Black Study. Wivenhoe: Minor Compositions, 2013.

Kheshti, Roshanak. Modernity’s Ear: Listening to Race and Gender in World Music. New York: New York University Press, 2015.

Kimmerer, Robin Wall. “The Intelligence of Plants,” interview by Krista Tippett, On Being with Krista Tippett, WNYC Studios, February 25, 2016.

Laagencia. Garage School Fermentation. Self-published pamphlet. Rotterdam, August 2020.

Le Guin, Ursula K. “She Unnames Them.” New Yorker, January 21, 1985.

Oliveros, Pauline. Deep Listening: A Composer’s Sound Practice. New York: iUniverse, 2005.

Robinson, Dylan. Hungry Listening: Resonant Theory for Indigenous Sound Studies. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2020.

Sedgwick, Eve Kosofsky. Touching Feeling: Affect, Pedagogy, Performativity. Durham: Duke University Press, 2003.

Steingo, Gavin, and Jim Sykes, eds. Remapping Sound Studies. Durham: Duke University Press, 2019.

Stoever, Jennifer. The Sonic Colour Line: Race and the Cultural Politics of Listening. New York: New York University Press, 2016.

Thompson, Marie. Beyond Unwanted Sound: Noise, Affect and Aesthetic Moralism. London: Bloomsbury, 2017.

Weheliye, Alexander G. Phonographies: Grooves in Sonic Afro-Modernity. Durham: Duke University Press, 2005.

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miracleboiz · 4 years

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Making a Home Ch.14

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 4k

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuse

Not from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

Atsumu didn’t actually mind Shinji and Hitoshi, they were fun to talk to between classes. Still, the moment the bell rang for lunch he took off between the desks until he could stand by his brother’s side. His brother was animatedly explaining something about what Atsumu could only assume was cooking because he didn’t understand any of it.

“Samu?” Atsumu reached to poke his shoulder, unnerved by the quiet and neutral face his brother had adopted. The moment his brother saw him however, he brightened, twisting and grabbing his brother by his arms and dragging him closer.

“Tsumu! I made friends,” Osamu explained as he turned back around, “this is Suna Rintaro and Matsukawa Shigeru! Guys this is my brother, Atsumu!”

Atsumu turned his gaze to the other two, narrowing his eyes at the blank look on Rintaro’s face before turning and nodding his head politely to Shigeru. They didn’t look like bullies, and Shigeru was Shinji’s brother but Atsumu still didn’t trust them. Osamu was nicer than he was to other people and they tended to think he could be bullied easier.

“Nice to meet you Atsumu-kun.” Shigeru chirped, pulling out a bento from his bag and nudging Rintaro in the shoulder as he stood. “Don’t be rude.”

“You’re the rude one, go away.” Rintaro said back but he was quick to join Shigeru’s side as they moved to stand in front of Osamu’s chair. “Don’t be mean to Hitoshi-kun, he cries a lot.”

“It’s true, I do.” Hitoshi’s voice came from Atsumu’s elbow seconds before he felt the slightly smaller child lean against him. “My Okasan says I have a gentle soul but Neesan says I’m a baby.”

Rintaro curled his lip up at that but the look fell away a second later when Osamu stood up and joined them. Osamu grinned brightly at him, bouncing slightly on his heels.

“Are we going for lunch outside now?” He chirped to Rintaro and Atsumu’s stomach dropped. Had Osamu already decided they were better than his own brother? Was he going to leave Atsumu alone for his new friends?

The panic only had a few seconds to well up before Osamu’s grinning face was facing Atsumu. He didn’t seem to notice anything different about his brother as he clutched his lunch close to his chest.

“Rin-kun was telling me about this really nice spot where they eat lunch next to the flower garden. He said he’d show us!” Osamu chirped cheerfully, eyes wide and bright with excitement. Atsumu breathed a sigh of relief.

Us meant so much more to him then Osamu realized. If he didn’t have Osamu, who did he have?

Part of him whispered that Shinsuke wanted him but he shut that down quickly. Osamu was everyone’s favorite, if Shinsuke wanted to adopt either of them it was definitely going to be Osamu. Nobody wanted Atsumu and that wasn’t going to change over the course of a month.

“Oh cool… I forgot my lunch, wait a minute.” Atsumu turned back to his desk, neatly stepping around Hitoshi who seemed to gravitate to Rintaro’s side.

“We’ll go on ahead, just tell Shinji to bring you over.” Shigeru hummed.

“Wai-” Atsumu blinked as he watched his brother walk out with him, only a single cheerful wave letting him know he wasn’t being dragged along. He didn’t even have a full minute to respond before they were gone and he was left standing nervously in the center of the aisle.

“Atsumu-kun?” Shinji’s voice came from his right and he turned, looking at his fellow student on the other side of the desks looking rather concerned for him. In his hand he had two lunches, one of them Atsumu’s.

“You left this, I was worried you might have to run all the way back. Sorry.” Shinji dipped his head apologetically as he passed him the box. Atsumu cradled it, shaking his head.

“It’s fine… thank you… You… Your brother said you knew where they were going?” Atsumu said slowly, trying to breathe. He tried to focus on the cloth under his finger tips rather than the replaying image of Osamu happily walking away from him. Oomimi had bought it for him, letting Atsumu pick out the Totodile design when he’d taken the twins out to buy fresh ingredients on Sunday.

“Yeah, I usually eat in class so I can work on homework before I go home, but I don’t mind eating with you guys.” Shinji was cheerful, not so loud Atsumu felt overwhelmed or close like Hitoshi, but enough to make him take a breath.

“Could you… s-show… show me?” Atsumu pushed the words out, trying not to feel nauseous the longer Osamu was away. This wasn’t like being at Shinsuke’s where Akagi and the others were watching out for them.

Shinsuke had made sure all the adults at the store knew about Osamu’s allergies, but none of the kids here knew and Osamu didn’t pay attention to things before eating them. He’d eaten things he was allergic to so many times already and just thinking about it was making Atsumu sick.

“Yeah! C’mon Atsumu.” Shinji didn’t say anything about the panic that seemed to be growing on Atsumu’s face, instead he just stepped forward and led the way out of the classroom.

“How long are you and Osamu going to be staying with Kita-san?” Shinji asked as they walked. Atsumu glanced at him, expecting the normal taunting looks but instead Shinji was just blinking at him innocently and Atsumu remembered Shigeru was adopted too.

“Another three weeks… then we have to go again… Moniw- my social worker said Shinsuke-kun is only taking care of us as a favor until his license expires.” Atsumu said, remembering how Moniwa had whispered it to Officer Kuroo before Kenma had managed to bring them to a separate room.

“Hmm…” Shinji seemed to be thinking hard as he stepped out of the building and led them towards a garden. He spun right before they arrived, silver eyes narrowed in steely stubbornness that reminded Atsumu of Oikawa when he was trying to steal Akaashi’s pens.

“If Kita-san doesn’t adopt you, then I’ll ask my Dads.” Shinji said seriously. “Then you won’t have to worry about moving around ever again.”

Osamu wasn’t quite sure that he really understood what was going on between Rintaro and Shigeru, but he did know Shigeru hadn’t lied before. Rintaro had immediately wrapped a friendly arm around Hitoshi’s shoulders when they sat down, quietly asking him if he’d had any issues on the school work before pulling away when Hitoshi shook his head.

Rintaro had opened up his bento almost immediately after, quickly grabbing the piece of chicken and throwing it at Shigeru’s face. The scream caught Osamu by surprise and he looked over to see it in Shigeru’s hair instead.

“You… are such a-” He dissolved into angry words in a language Osamu didn’t know but definitely didn’t sound like Japanese or English. Rintaro, on the other hand, looked rather pleased with himself as he turned back to his plate and started to eat out of it. Osamu was squished between Shigeru and Hitoshi as the silver haired kid reached over with chopsticks and stole the entirety of a nigiri and shoved it into Rintaro’s face.

“Oh no.” Hitoshi whined, tugging Osamu backwards as Rintaro gasped and sputtered. “Shinji-kun is the only one who can stop them when they start fighting like this.”

“Why are they even fighting?” Osamu asked, squeaking in surprise as the two put their lunches on the ground and Shigeru jumped forward to tackle Rintaro into the grass.

“They just like it I think. They used to both be in the same Taekwondo class until a few months ago when Rin-kun’s mom stopped taking him, ever since then they just start fighting when they feel like it.” Hitoshi reached forward, carefully laying the lid back onto Rintaro’s bento and moving it away from the kicking feet.

“That’s kinda weird.” Osamu hummed, watching them shove themselves apart and stand up before Rintaro was throwing a punch and ramming forward until he could trip Shigeru with his foot and they were down again scuffling.

“Hey! What are you two doing? Stop it!” Shinji’s voice rang out seconds before Osamu realized he’d been nearby with Atsumu. “Shigeru, bad!”

“Oh it’s Shinji-kun.” Hitoshi’s face seemed to turn pink as he looked over at their classmate and Osamu tilted his head at him, curious. Maybe Shinji was scarier than Shigeru and Rintaro?

“He started it!” A voice shouted from the pile of limbs as Shinji passed over his lunch to Atsumu and ran over to try and pull them apart.

Atsumu seemed to almost appear beside Osamu and he looked up at his brother excitedly. This school was a thousand times more interesting than any of their previous ones and the kids were friendlier.

“Hi!” He chirped, patting the spot next to him. “Shigeru-kun and Rin-kun are fighting.”

“I… noticed. Are you okay though?” Atsumu said, barely casting a glance at the mess beside them. Osamu nodded quickly, not wanting to worry his brother at all.

He had felt a little bad leaving him behind, but this was the first time he felt comfortable at school and he didn’t want that to stop because he was being a baby about his brother. He didn’t feel like he was waiting for the kids to mock him like he had at the last school. Shigeru was adopted just like him and Rintaro didn’t care about that at all. Hitoshi was really nice even if he was more quiet and Shinji seemed like he liked Atsumu a lot.

That was more than Osamu had even hoped to think about getting from school.

“They didn’t fight me, just each other. Sit down ‘Tsumu. We hafta eat, remember what Shinsuke-kun said about eating all of our meals.” Osamu lectured his brother, ignoring the annoyed scowl that grew on his face. Atsumu always got grumpy around new kids, he just didn’t seem to like them though Osamu had never understood why.

“Do not make me break you two up!” Shinji almost seemed to whine as he stood above the wriggling pile of limbs. “... You two… you’re going to get in trouble… Fine…”

Like Shigeru, Shinji seemed to be fluent in another language because he started mumbling in it as he reached down and grabbed an arm and started stepping backwards, pulling Rinataro off of his brother. Shigeru straightened up on the ground, looking around for his friend before he spotted him and immediately started laughing.

“Shut up! You fight him!” Rintaro yelled at him, kicking his feet petulantly and Shinji whined, lowering him down.

“Will you two stop fighting? Please? Atsumu and Osamu deserve a peaceful lunch on their first day- I’m too old for this.” Shinji sighed as Shigeru took advantage of Rintaro’s position to tackle him to the ground and try to sit on his lap.

“Who are you? Tatay? You’re only a month older than me.” Shiger stuck out his tongue, yelling when Rintaro shoved him off and tried to kick him.

“It’s a very long month every year… I’m telling Papa, stop fighting you two.” Shinji tried to intervene again, this time using his few centimeters of height to his advantage and wrapping his arms around Shigeru’s chest and dragging him backwards towards the rest of them. “The tree is a safe zone, stop it.”

“You’re the worst big brother ever!” Shigeru complained, though he was only met with an eye roll and a few more feet of being dragged as Shinji couldn’t carry him. He finally put his feet down and let himself be led back and sat at the base of the tree beside Atsumu.

“I win.” Rintaro said proudly, taking his spot beside Hitoshi.

They both glared at each other before dissolving into laughter, both of their hair wild messes. Their uniforms were covered in dirt and grass and Shigeru was sporting a shoe print on his calf that Shinji was trying to wipe off. They both had sticks in their hair and their faces were bright red with excitement and effort.

“I don’t… understand.” Atsumu mumbled to his brother. Sure, he and Osamu wrestled a lot but that was usually when they were upset with each other. They had never just wrestled to have fun or risk their clothes getting dirty.

“Me neither… Isn’t it fun?” Osamu grinned back at him, excitement and hope bright in his eyes.

Atsumu blinked once then nodded. He could only hope Shinsuke would offer to adopt Osamu so that look would never go away from his brother again.

“I’m not sure I understand what happened here.” Shinsuke said slowly, looking down at Akagi who was on the ground. Oomimi had taken off his own jacket and shoved it onto Akagi backwards to keep him trapped and tied the arms behind Akagi’s back.

“Akagi kept poking Ren’s stomach through the coat,” Aran sighed, shaking his head at the laugh that escaped Akagi. “We thought this would help but he just sat down and said he was waiting for you.”

“You are, officially, the only one who can curb the chaos.” Oomimi said darkly, looking into the distance. The three of them looked at him, following his gaze for a moment before looking back at each other.

“Okay?... Oomimi, please help Akagi up and remove the jacket. Akagi, stop purposely bothering people for attention.” Shinsuke chuckled softly, ignoring the soft whine that came from his friend as he moved to sit down on the bench in front of the shoe stand. He quickly removed his own shoes and pulled on the ice skates instead.

A broad hand entered his gaze as he tied the last string and he looked up to see Aran offering his hand. Shinsuke couldn’t help the smile that curled up on his lips as he took the offer and let Aran pull him up easily.

His stance wavered and he slipped, falling against Aran for a moment before he managed to get his feet under him.

“Ah, sorry. It’s been a very long time since I last skated.” Shinsuke said softly, trying not to think about the amusement twinkling in Aran’s eyes as he held him up. It really wasn’t fair that Aran had to come and be attractive.

“Don’t worry about it, you good?” Aran asked, carefully wrapping his hand around Shinsuke’s elbow to help hold him up. The words ‘you look good’ started to rise up before Shinsuke smacked them down, nodding to him instead.

He didn’t pull away immediately though, when was the last time he’d actually taken the time to think about anything romantically? Aran wasn’t the only person he’d liked in his life, but he’d been the only one Shinsuke could definitively say he’d be happy spending the rest of his life with even after high school ended and they only saw each other every few months. Even now after nearly three years of little contact. Aran was still one of his best friends and the one he’d thought about sharing his life with.

Shinsuke could hear Akagi’s laughter in the background and his cheeks pinked. He pulled away, nearly swaying before the hand tightened on his elbow and another moved to his hip steadying him. Aran wasn’t looking at him anymore, instead he was rolling his eyes over at Akagi.

“Stop it, you spent the first half hour crying into my arm that you were scared of the ice.” Aran said, carefully loosening his grip on Shinsuke as he straightened up but he didn’t pull away. Akagi still looked far too amused for a twenty eight year old trapped in a jacket as he watched the two of them.

��That was clearly a ploy because I love you, Aran-kun.” Akagi purred, yelping when Oomimi flicked his ear. “What! Don’t be jealous ‘Mimi! You’re my absolute favoritest person ever.”

“That’s a punishment.” Oomimi drawled, glancing over at the other two with an amused but gentle look. “Can I please leave him tied up like this?”

“No,” Shinsuke sighed, trying not to think of how Aran shook as he laughed beside him and the cold feeling taking over the spot Aran’s hand had laid on his hip. “That would be mean, please let him go.”

Oomimi let out a sigh before he turned to release their friend and Shinsuke turned back to Aran. Even bundled up against the cold of the ice skating rink, he was attractive and Shinsuke was pretty sure this was punishment for all his years of refusing to date just to annoy Oikawa and Sugawara. A better reason would have been just lack of interest but he had to choose the one that involved driving them crazy trying to find him someone to date.

Aran’s eyes met his a second later, still just as warm and accepting as they’d ever been. Shinsuke couldn’t help but regret letting them grow apart years ago. Even if Aran hadn’t been part of his plan, he was a fool for letting his best friend drift away.

“Let’s get to skating before Akagi does something and Oomimi leaves hmm?” Aran teased, eyes not leaving Shinsuke’s for a second this time. Shinsuke just nodded, no words available to him just a warm feeling of home in his chest.

It took only a few minutes to wrangle the two towards the rink which was thankfully rather empty considering most people were working at ten in the morning on a Monday. No one was particularly bothered by Akagi’s loud chatter compared to the few too-young for school children racing around the rink.

Akagi himself was very politely shoved onto the ice by Oomimi the moment they stepped up to the gate and nearly fell on his face before he caught himself. He spun around, easily keeping himself up as he grinned at his three best friends.

“C’mon slowpokes.” He chirped, turning back around and taking off.

“He makes me feel old,” Oomimi said, turning to look at Aran and Shinsuke. His gaze dropped to the gentle hold Aran had on Shinsuke’s elbow and the way the shorter man leaned into his presence and something softened in his eyes as his lips turned up into a gentle smile.

He didn’t say anything else despite Shinsuke’s concerned look and simply slid out onto the ice and waved before taking off after Akagi.

“Did you know those two could skate?” Shinsuke asked, watching them wide eyed and Aran sighed.

“Nope. Especially when they both spent the first half hour trying to pull me to the floor until you arrived.” Aran said dryly, lips curling slightly as Akagi skated in front of them after his second loop.

“Just preparing you for our dearest Shinsuke-kun. It’s been six years since he last skated after all, he’s going to really need your help.” Akagi chirped, winking at them to both of their confusion. “Have fun, I have to go.”

Akagi took off right as Oomimi slid in behind him, nearly sending Oomimi into the wall before he corrected himself and chased after Akagi instead.

Shinsuke snorted softly, wondering how he could have forgotten how Akagi managed to get everyone into a competitive move. Even Aran was shuffling like he wanted nothing more than to run Akagi down and beat him in a race.

Shinsuke looked up as he realized that Aran wasn’t moving anymore, surprised to find himself being watched. The smile on his lips lifted higher without being told too and he shifted until he could curl his arm around Aran’s, ignoring the internal Tooru cheering him on.

“Please don’t let me fall on my face,” Shinsuke said, moving to take his first step on the ice. Aran’s arm tightened and he stepped after him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

#Haikyuu #HQ #Miya Atsumu #Miya Osamu #Kita Shinsuke #Arankita #fanfiction #Making a home AU

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cringeyvanillamilk · 4 years

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Who are the three or five black bulls each of your ocs, Koli and Adva, are most closest to? And who are the three or five non-black bulls characters they're most closest to? I hope I'm making sense English isn't my main language >_>"

It made a lot of sense so you’re good~! I’m actually very happy that I get to talk about my OCs!! I’ve been waiting for this moment to come-!

Koli Igneus

It takes a while for Koli to warm up to anybody, but these three specific black bulls were able to defrost her cold heart!

Gordon Agrippa - Out of all the members of the black bulls, Gordon is Koli’s closest friend, aside from her childhood best friend Adva. Koli is very intuitive and so it’s easy for her to know whether someone is good or bad, but with Gordon she knew that there were no bad bones in his body. What drew Koli toward Gordon was his genuine desire to make friends with other people. Koli is more of an ‘action speaks louder than words’ kind of woman, and Gordon’s actions only told her that he just wants to be close friends. Koli found Gordon’s attempt at participating with the other black bulls to be very charming, and so she decided to befriend Gordon and hang out with him. Gordon is happy to finally be close friends with someone who doesn’t ignore him or get creeped out by his appearance. If Koli isn’t with Adva, she’s usually with Gordon at the corner of the room.

Yami Sukehiro - Yami was the sole reason why she joined the Black Bulls and it was because of his interesting weapon of choice, a katana. Being a weapon fanatic herself, she was determined to learn how to use a katana and possibly create one using her cinder magic. Yami had no interest in teaching her because that’ll mean he’ll have to use effort, but after Koli’s countless attempts to get him to train her, he finally gave in. During their training session, Koli would learn how to fight with a katana and later other types of weapons from Yami’s homeland. After each session, they got more closer with each other. Koli was able to learn so much from Yami and grew to respect him as a captain. Yami teases her like anybody else, but Koli doesn’t mind since she was very appreciative of his cooperation from before.

Asta - When Asta first joined the squad, Koli was initially very standoffish towards him (and Noelle). But she was interested in him because of his anti-magic sword. The first few conversations they had together was mostly about his sword and how he fought with it. Other than that, she wasn’t interested in getting too close to Asta, despite Asta’s attempt to befriend her. Koli wasn’t that impressed with Asta’s declaration of wanting to be wizard king because she thought he was all talk, but soon realized just how wrong she was. After witnessing him relentlessly train and not giving up despite all the odds stacked against him, Koli grew to respect Asta and his dream. What solidified her to respect and completely befriend Asta was during the Water Temple arc. Koli realized just how much of a good person he was and officially befriended Asta and initiated a lot of their conversations. Koli and Asta would usually train and workout together. Overall, Koli thinks of Asta as a cute puppy while Asta looks up to Koli like an older sister.

Koli has very few close friends outside of the black bulls due to her bad reputation and cold personality. But since her character arc revolves around trusting others and being a team player, she was able to gain some close friends.

Fuegoleon Vermillion - The main catalyst behind her character arc. These two didn't start off on the right foot, mainly due to Koli's refusal to apologize for her actions towards his subordinates during missions and for blatantly disrespecting him. Due to Koli’s past experiences with nobles, she automatically disliked Fuegoleon and purposely acted cold towards him. Koli’s opinion on Fuegoleon changed when they had to work together to protect the citizens during a surprise attack. Koli was about to defend the people alone, but Fuegoleon karate chopped her head and lectured her on how a magic knight should properly act. Fuegoleon’s passionate words resonated within Koli and made her rethink the way she was behaving towards others. His words began to sink in once he was in a coma and Koli felt extremely guilty and strived to change herself for the better. Fuegoleon’s sacrifice made Koli believe that he really was a good person and wanted to show her respect towards him by being a better person. They have a much better relationship once Koli started to open up a bit more and apologize for her actions. Fuegoleon in turn respected Koli’s determination to change and warmed up to her better than before.

Leopold Vermillion - Having been inspired by Fuegoleon, Koli ended up warming up to Leopold whenever they were in joint missions together. Koli got to know the Vermillion family a lot better through Leopold and Koli found Leopold’s honest and fiery nature to be charming. Leopold’s determined personality also reminded Koli of Asta which is why she found it easier to get closer to him. Koli got better at working as a team with Leopold which made Koli very appreciative towards him. For Leopold, he respected Koli’s skills and sharp instincts and declared Koli as his older sister figure. Overall, these two work well together.

She generally becomes more friendly towards the Crimson Lions whenever she sees them. She acted pretty harsh towards these members, but her change in attitude was able to have some of them forgive her. Other than these two, she isn’t close to anybody else outside of the Black Bulls! She’s slowly trying though! In the future, she might get close with someone like Klaus. It’s either because of his leadership skills and logical thinking or his love for Asta lmao. Charlotte is another person I can see Koli highly respecting! Charlotte is very strong and reliable, and Koli might gravitate towards her type of character!

Adva Euterpe

Adva has a friendly personality and makes friends easily compared to Koli! She has the perks of being an extrovert!

Finral Roulacase - Finral and Adva are basically on the same wavelength when it comes to having a good time. They make a great duo because whenever Finral needs entertainment for his mixers, Adva is always there to provide her service. Adva would even volunteer herself (and Koli) to participate in his mixers! Finral relies a lot on Adva for his past time which made them closer as a result. Finral loves how witty and socially adept Adva is and Adva loves how light-hearted and charming Finral is.They rely a lot on each other whenever the other needs help. Finral usually brings in an audience for Adva to perform in front of while Adva makes sure Finral’s mixer goes well. Adva also helps Finral feel more confident in himself which is greatly appreciated by him. And Adva is happy to perform for a lot of different people thanks to Finral’s help. They have an extremely close friendship!

Noelle Silva - Despite Noelle’s cold front when they first met, Adva was not fazed at all and found her personality to be really cute! Adva is very experienced with different types of people and knows how to melt Noelle’s cold exterior. Noelle was embarrassed by Adva’s willingness to befriend her but quickly warmed up to Adva. When Adva found out about Noelle’s insecurity over her magic control, she was very vocal about her support towards Noelle’s hard work. Adva would frequently encourage Noelle whenever she’s down and play relaxing music to calm her mind. Noelle grew even closer to Adva thanks to her constant encouragement and understanding personality, which made Noelle think of Adva as an older sister she wished she had (OOF). They have a very close relationship!

Charmy Pappitson - Adva and Charmy vibe pretty well with each other! They both don’t want any trouble and just want to indulge in their spare time! Charmy makes a lot of delicious food and so it’s a delight for Adva to join in and eat with her! Adva and Charmy are similar in terms of how carefree and easygoing they both are. They have no trouble with each other which means they always have a fun time together! Adva likes to perform at the base so she’d play pleasant music as Charmy eats! Because of how chill they are with each other, Charmy always offers food to Adva first.

Vanessa Enoteca - Similarly to Adva’s relationship with Charmy, these two also have a chill and fun relationship with each other! Whenever Vanessa drinks, Adva is there performing songs and sometimes Vanessa would sing as Adva plays her instrument! Vanessa is a great singer and so they work very well together! Adva would ask Vanessa to join her when she performs because Adva thinks Vanessa should show off her singing voice more often! These two are also drinking partners, though Adva doesn’t drink as much as Vanessa! They both just want to have a good time together!

Zora Ideale - When it comes to these two, there’s always a battle of wits. Both are very intelligent people and there’s always a lot of funny banter between the two. Adva doesn’t get tricked easily and so Zora is always trying to outsmart Adva with his rainbow stink bug prank. In turn, Adva would try and outsmart Zora into doing what she wants, but he always figures her out and foils her plans. It’s a fun relationship where they both try to test each other’s intelligence! When they work together though, it’s trouble for everyone. Despite this playful relationship, Zora does help Adva out when it comes to her weaknesses. Zora calls out Adva whenever she’s acting irresponsible or lazy to help Adva be more consistent in changing herself for the better!

Outside of the black bulls, Adva also made some close friends! She usually socializes with normal citizens but these are a few major characters she has a good relationship with!

Rill Boismortier - Adva and Rill would definitely vibe with each other! Adva found Rill’s personality to be cute and entertaining and so she gravitated towards him! Rill was happy to have another friend and so he welcomed her with open arms! Adva doesn’t get easily offended by Rill’s actions and only finds him even more cute! Adva playing different genres of music as Rill paint is a fun session for the both of them!!

Sekke Bronzazza - If there were any stans for Sekke, Adva would definitely be one of them. And it's not because she thinks he’s actually cool, but rather because he’s a fun character to watch. Every time she sees Sekke do his thing, Adva can’t look away from the circus show that’s right in front of her. She gets so hyped up every time she sees him because she knows something hilarious is bound to happen. Sekke mistook her excitement over him as her falling in love with his charm when in actuality she just sees him as her entertainment lmao. They both become very happy when they see each other in the same area.

Another person I can see Adva befriending in the future is Kirsch. Why? Because it’s Kirsch and she finds him hilarious.

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

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May I have a mach too, please? 😳 I have borderline dissorder that makes me need constantly atention from the person I'm in love, and If I don't get it I feel extremely sad. I am a shy person but with a strong character, making friends is a very hard thing to do for me. I am quite asocial. I talk a lot with very reliable people, I can do monologue for hours. I like to feel protected, loved, feel like a little girl. I am very childlike and facetious. (Sorry for my bad English)

Hi, angel! You sent this in a long time ago so I hope this is still something you’ll enjoy! Thank you for being patient with me!😊💗

Total word count: 1, 806.

Arthur // wc: 918.

If anyone understands what it means to suffer in day to day life, it’s Arthur. He may not know what borderline disorder is upon first learning of it, but Arthur has regular appointments with Doctor Kane and he can easily find out with her. He would read out loud from his government issued brown battered journal all of the things which you said to him the night before during a candid conversation, and Doctor Kane would frown. She would reach into one of her drawers in her overcrowded desk, bowing under its own weight and hand Arthur a pamphlet which details your disorder. Arthur would spend long hours reading from this pamphlet and he would listen to you and follow what you say to the letter. Nothing is more important to him than you are, and he proves that to you every single day. You feel extremely sad if you don’t receive the attention which you need from your loved one, and Arthur is an all or nothing person; which means that naturally are you surrounded with love and never for even a second can you doubt his love and devotion for you. Arthur tells you every single day, in every available moment, that he loves you and all the reasons why. He, too, also needs constant reassurance, so loud are his demons and so vicious are his thoughts. You silence them every day, just as he does for you. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, for both of you struggle daily and exhausting is it even on your best days. During the days when Arthur can’t be for you what you most need him to be, he is deeply apologetic and devotes the rest of the evening, those scant few precious hours, holding you close and giving you what you deserve. It’s the least he can do for you and it’s undoubtedly the very same you would do for him in that same situation.

It’s really hard for you to make friends and you’re very shy. Arthur, for his part, is also very shy and keeps to himself. As such, it’s takes a long time for the two of you to even start a friendship. You have a strong character and Arthur also has hidden depths and is frequently underestimated and in this way do you gravitate towards each other, both sensing that there is more to the other person than first seems to be. You are asocial and Arthur was socially isolated for much of his life, so both of you are lost when it comes to social interactions. However, that sense that there is more to each other guides you through each interaction and you slowly fall together. It isn’t easy, and sometimes you wonder why you bother, but then you look into Arthur’s hypnotic sea green eyes and you remember all of the reasons why. There is nothing either of you won’t do for the other, and even when or if miscommunications happen between the two of you, there is so much love between you that you can overcome anything. It’s hard for you to make friends and it’s just as hard for Arthur to make friends too, so the two of you typically spend much of your time together; you are each other’s best friend. As the two of you get to know each other, you discover each other’s hidden depths and you realise that you were right: there is more to Arthur than meets the eye. You wonder how you ever survived before him. You are asocial and when Arthur comes home from work and your own day is over with, the two of you spend a quiet evening together on the worn sofa watching The Murray Franklin Show and talking quietly. You rarely go out in the evenings and neither of you would ever have it any other way. You have both found your forever home and though 8J is the apartment, your home is in the arms of the other person.

You talk a lot with very reliable people, and Arthur is the most reliable person of them all. During those quiet evenings on the sofa, you can monologue for hours and Arthur adores listening to you. He likes for it to be quiet while he watches The Murray Franklin Show so that he can fully immerse himself in his daydreams, but when the show is over and he is dancing with you across the cramped but cosy living room, Arthur likes to listen to you talk. “Come on, talk to me,” he quietly says, barely audible over the television. “Let me hear all about your day,“ and he will tell you about his day too. You tell each other everything, best friends are you. You like to feel protected and loved, and Arthur is a natural caretaker. These two things go hand in hand and your relationship is built on mutual trust and respect and your individual personalities perfectly complement one another. You are childlike and Arthur adores practicing his show on you, for you give him an authentic reaction every single time and over the weeks and months of your relationship his show and his sense of humour gets tailored to your own, so desperately does he want to make you laugh and smile. You are facetious and this fits in perfectly with Arthur’s dark sense of humour, for he, too, jokes about inappropriate things. The two of you are perfect for each other in every single way.

Joker // wc: 888.

By this stage in your relationship, yourself and Joker know everything about each other. There is nothing either of you can say or do which will surprise the other person, so deeply and so completely do you know and love one another. The both of you require constant reassurance and attention from the other person for different reasons. For you, it is because of your borderline disorder and for Joker, it is due to learned behaviours. He is not a narcissist, but due to being raised by a narcissistic parent, he inevitably exhibits those tendencies. The longer he is with you, however, the less he shows these signs, due to learning different behaviours. Again, it is not all sunshine and rainbows, and there are days when neither of you are what the other person most wants you to be. Clear communication and mutual trust and respect enable the two of you to discuss your feelings within your relationship, and this means that such times are usually smoothed over with well earned and well-deserved cuddles. He still has the pamphlet which Doctor Kane gave him all that time ago. Little does he refer to it now, preferring to rely on his own knowledge and experiences. There is nothing he won't do for you, and following recent events has that sentiment taken a darker tone. It is more ominous now, and more threatening to all except yourself. You are the safest person in all of Gotham and in Joker's arms do you find everything you have ever wanted or needed, even before you knew what those things were. Whenever you are sad or anything less than perfectly okay, Joker is there with an understanding, sympathetic smile and the calloused pads of his thumbs wipe away any and all tears which fall. You are his greatest priority and he will protect you and defend you with his life.

Joker is the same man he has always been, it is only that he no longer cares what the world may think of him; Gotham wanted a clown and that was precisely what they got. The poor man chose his name but not what came with it and it breaks your heart to think about everything that he had to go through and still was he unseen, still was he unknown and still was he not listened to, by all except you; his one and only person who understands him. It is difficult for you to make friends and Joker is your biggest supporter. Just because his life is over, as a wanted man and a criminal, it doesn't mean that yours is and he will support you in everything. Your future is something which Joker defends with greater ferocity than you do. You are shy but your character is strong and Joker finds this juxtaposition amusing. If you ever get shy in front of him, he only giggles and cups your face delicately in his hands, his fingers splayed behind your ears, and he kisses you soundly until you quite forget what you were shy about. There is nothing he won't do for you and though he often werewolfs out in the filthy and dirty streets of Gotham, he also loves nothing more than coming home to you. You are safest at home and it is easier for Joker to protect himself when he isn't worried about your safety. If he lost you then he would truly be dangerous for only then would he have nothing left to lose and in a city like Gotham is that dangerous beyond measure. But the city got what it deserves and now, so does Joker in your arms. Nowhere else would he rather be.

Joker's protective streak is amplified by your enjoyment of feeling protected and loved; he is able to express this streak with you without the need of dampening himself down and with you is he his freest and truest self. Everything he does, everything that he is, is designed to help you and to protect you. Joker wouldn't want you any other way, just as you don't want him any other way. You can talk a lot and this grounds Joker more effectively than anything else. When his mind races and threatens to break the spirit of his soul, Joker asks you to talk. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, just so long as you do. You are his one and only person who understands him, and he never has to explain himself to you despite his unpredictable behaviours and unknown triggers and boundaries of his anger, because you understand him on a fundamental level, just as he does with you, so long have you been together and so deeply are you bonded. You are childlike and through you can Joker experience his own lost childhood. You remind him of a time which was stolen from him and he clings to you with everything that he has; his biggest fear is losing you. You fear the same and you work hard to maintain the rich relationship which the two of you have built together. Joker loves you for all of you and he would never want you any other way than how you so naturally are on your best day, your worst day and everything in between.

#epidendroideae #Requests closed #arthur fleck #arthur fleck matchup #joker #joker matchup #joker 2019 #joker 2019 matchup

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