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georgeweasleyslostearhq · 7 months

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ENTRY- HER

Pairings: George Weasley x Fem! reader Summary: George reads the letters he wrote about you to himself throughout Hogwarts Warnings: mention of have a b0ner, boobs, tears, hinting to masturbation, the use of Y/n is used a few times, I'm sorry

George bent down on the floor of his bedroom, he looked beneath to bed and pulled out a box that had been left untouched since he and Fred opened up the shop before the war

he sat down and leaned against the side of his bed, opening the box and pulling out the book

he sighed before opening it, turning to the front page, the first day he met you

1 september 1989

Dear diary

it's the first of september, meaning it's the day Me and Fred go to Hogwarts.

Me and Fred couldn't find an empty compartment to sit at, and there was no way we were going to sit with Percy, or Charlie- as his was already full

but we Found one with a boy in our year, Lee. he's cool, he let us sit with us and gave us some candy- which made mine and Fred's nose bleed. I didn't think anybody other than me and Fred would care about jokes and pranks, but i guess I was wrong, cause Lee does too!

the train started moving and we waved to our parents. i think it was about five minutes later when i saw a girl walk past, still holding her bags and stuff, she looked lost

I opened the door and let her inside

she smiled and sat with us, she wasn't that interested in pranks, but she laughed at the stories we told her.

Her name is Y/n, and I have a feeling she's going to stick around for a while.

George smiled and turned to the next page, a year and a bit later.

December 12, 1990

Christmas is coming up soon and our friends are doing a muggle thing Lee told us about- secret santa

not all our friends wanted to do it, but the main ones like Y/n, Angelina, Alicia, then it's me, Fred and Lee, so there's six of us, even

I got Y/n, I still don't know what to get her, there was no money limit or anything like that, but I just don't want to get something too cheap- but that's probably all I can afford

she's a good friend and after the first day of first year, she's stayed by our sides, no one else let her in to sit with on the train but we did, so she stayed

I'm glad she did, she's funny. and as much as she says she hates doing it- she helps me and Fred with pranks a lot, mostly because she's smarter than us

I wonder if she got me for secret santa, the odds of that would be really low, but it's not impossible, i would accept anything she would give me with a smile

George had gotten you some candy from Honeydukes- and you, infact did not get him, instead you had Fred, to which you gave him a bunch of products from Zonko's

George flipped to the next page as he heard noise coming from outside, dinner was probably coming soon and George would have to hurry before he was caught reading these

November 28, 1991

My third year at Hogwarts started a few months ago, the Famous Harry Potter started his first year

my younger brother Ron is his Friend, along with a strange girl, Hermione?

her and Y/n gets along pretty well, i think they go to the library together

speaking of Y/n, we've gotten closer, she would have to be my best friend- other than Fred. Lee is up there but he's been spending quite a bit of time with Alicia, I think there's something going on there, but i don't really know

Y/n decided to try out for the Quidditch team, due to mine and Fred's encouragement, she's really good, she should've been on the team last year, she's a chaser, and she's brilliant!

she's got the latest broom and it goes wicked fast, sometimes in training, we'll just race each other, she always wins though, mostly because I let her but who cares, it's worth it when i see the big smile on her face when she rubs it in

Fred started to tease me about it, saying i'm being soft.

I'm just being nice

October 13, 1992

fourth year started last month, school is getting a bit harder.

Fred Invited Y/n over in the holidays, she stayed at our house for about a week, I was a bit nervous that she would be overwhelmed by our family but she fit in great, Mum loved her and said she should come over for breaks from now on.

so she'll be coming over for christmas this december.

she stayed in Ginny's room, although she snuck into our room to mess around with jokes before she'd actually go to bed, I think mum knew that we did that because she glared at us when we would come down for breakfast the next mornings, she wouldn't say anything, just put her hands on her hips when we yawned

she's really cool, she's really pretty too, i don't think i've ever noticed it before, but she is, and Fred doesn't mind telling her that.

I think he fancies her because they always giggle to themselves

I don't know why but I would always get this pit in my stomach every time I saw them alone together.

He talks about her to me before going to sleep in our dorms, it's starting to piss me off, it was getting annoying because I just want to go to sleep and he'd start talking about something funny she said to him that day and he'd just laugh

i cover my eyes with my pillow every time to try and block him out, though it never really works

George laughed at that entry, looking back on it now, he should've known what the feeling meant

September 5, 1993

we got back from Holidays a few days ago, Y/n couldn't come over because she went over to Italy with her family

she had gotten boobs and the tight low cut shirt she wore to the train station really left little to the imagination, I know I sound weird and like a pervert, I shouldn't think this way about my best friend

but I can barely make eye contact with her anymore without my eyes lowering to her chest.

she's stunning and everything about her makes my heart flutter now.

she also had a slight tan and her hair was longer, she's always playing with it and I can't help the way my mind begins to wonder when i stare at her

she's making my body feel different, the way she bites her lip when concentrating, the way her eyes flutter when she looks up at me to talk

she's using lip gloss too, one that makes her lips look really kissable

I hate to admit it but i sat next to her in class yesterday and my dick decided it was a good time to get a boner, as painful as it was, all i could do was push it down.

she had noticed my uncomfortable state and in her sweet, innocent voice she asked if i was alright

"you ok there, Georgie?" she giggled

I could only nod my head.

and as horrible as it was, later that night, when laying in my bed, I couldn't help but ease the pain to the thought of her.

September 20, 1993

I fancy her, I've completely and utterly fallen in love with her,

it sounds like its just because her body has changed but it's so much more than that

she is kind and funny and sarcastic. and beautiful, like HOT.

too bad she has a boyfriend now, he doesn't deserve her and he wouldn't treat her half as good as I would if I were hers

Fred found out, turns out he never fancied her, but he just cares for her, as friends.

Fred thinks I should tell her, but I can't and I never will

Update- she broke up with him!

George laughed at the update at the end, which was 2 months later and flipped to the next page

December 6, 1994

McGonagall told us about the Yule ball today, a dance

my eyes were fixated on Y/n as she sat down laughing with Angelina across the room as I stood with Fred

Fred told me he liked Angelina a few weeks ago and I'm sure he'll ask her to the ball

Ron got called on to demonstrate the dance and she whistled at him, making him glare at her, to which she laughed

when the class was dismissed, Y/n came up to us and started joking around

I couldn't help but notice the way she has the top buttons of her shirt undone, and her tie a bit loose

it was getting rather chilly and she wasn't even wearing a jumper

I asked her if she was cold and she shook her head with a smile

"I like the cold, George, you should know that" she giggled, nudging me

she was rather short compared to me, the top of her just barely met my shoulder so she always looks up when talking to me

I've also noticed she likes to roll her skirt up, so merlin forbid she bends down to pick something up.

she's also gotten a bit more touchy, not just with me but with the rest of our friend group

her hugs would only happen coming back from breaks and holidays but now she'll hug you almost everyday in the mornings

her hugs have always been nice, but the way I can practically feel her boobs pressing up against me makes it all the better.

December 18, 1994

most people I know already have dates to the ball, Fred had asked Angelina to the ball within the first few days of hearing about it

Y/n has been asked a few times but she's politely declined every one

Fred keeps pressuring me to ask her already and I strictly telling him no, she'd reject me like every other guy whos asked her, and then it would make it weird.

We're also doing another secret santa this year, I got Alicia

Alicia is...nice? she just has a really big flirting problem, and that's not with everyone, just me

she asked me to the Ball a few days ago, and as much as I didn't want to go alone, I still said no

She's not really my type, and as much as i try to make her stop flirting with me, she just keeps doing it, I speak for all of our friend group when I say it's annoying, and I know that because they've all said it

it's nothing against her, but it's just weird

and Y/n doesn't mind talking about it, making jokes and stuff

the only person i have ever felt something for has been Y/n, and I don't want it to be anybody else

George remembers that week like it was all yesterday.

George was sat on the Gryffindor couch, your head in his lap as you told him about your day

"but anyway, why haven't you asked anybody to the ball!?" you sat up, sitting on your knees next to him

"I- I don't know, why haven't you said yes to anybody?" George questioned

"I don't like any of them, barely friends with most of them" you shrugged

"w- well do you? like anybody?" George stuttered

George noticed the small blush rising to your cheeks

"uh- not really" you smiled sheepishly "you?"

George's heartbeat quickened as he grew nervous

does he tell her?

"not really" he responded, copying your words

"you should go with Alicia" you nudged him shoulder, making him roll his eyes

"merlin" he cursed under his breath as you giggled

"only kidding of course..unless you actually want to?" you frowned

"if i wanted to go with her I would've said yes"

you smiled

"it's getting pretty late, i'm going to head to bed" you yawned

George nodded his head

"alright, goodnight"

"night, Georgie" you kissed his cheek before getting up and going to the dormitories

George stared off at the fire as the kiss lingered on his cheek, making his skin feel funny, a good funny

a few days later, Fred pushed George into asking you

"just go talk to her, this is probably your only chance!" Fred whispered before shoving George into you

you stumbled forward and almost bumped into Angie, who had to pause her sentence

you looked back and saw George

"sorry" he apologised

you grinned and gave him a hug "it's fine!"

Angelina saw Fred look at her from behind and walked over to him, leaving you with George

you stared up at George to see what he wanted but he only looked back at you nervously

"is there something you wanted, George?" you chuckled

"I want a date to the ball" he sighs, finally saying it, knowing that Fred would kick his ass if he didn't

"I'm sure Alicia will take you" you smirked

George licked his lips and thought of what to say

"no- no ok um...do you want to go with me? no! I would love if you would accompany me- wait ok. I really want you to go with me to the ball...I- I uh-"

December 20, 1994

I asked her to the ball, after what feels like forever being in love with her, I asked her

Fred pushed me into doing it

so I did, I sounded like a complete fool and I wish I could've said it better, word it so I didn't sound so stupid

maybe if I did that, she would've said yes

better yet- I had also admitted that I loved her, that I have for a long time. I had gotten so nervous that I outed myself

she just stood there in surprise before I ran off in complete and utter embarrassment

December 25, 1994

I went with her, it turns out that she was going to say yes but I ran away before she could've said anything

she told me she loved me too, and she made me the happiest man in all of Hogwarts

it was the Ball a few hours ago, you should've seen her, she was stunning- a type of stunning that when you see her, you can't say anything out of shock on how beautiful she is (which I did)

I can't describe the feeling I get when I'm with her- or see her, but it's overwhelming

i feel faint now every time I see her

she told me she would go with me the day after I had asked her in that stupid way. that was when she told me she loved me

she actually loves me.

I don't know how I can manage to make her love me but I'm grateful- and cautious

what if I mess up?

but that doesn't matter, we're not together

Update: jan 5- I asked her out, she said Yes!

February 19, 1996

Valentines day was 5 days ago, Y/n was obviously my Valentine and we had a great day, I took her to that tea shop in Hogsmeade she's been talking about for a while, if was very...pink and not the type of romantic that I like.

but she enjoyed it so I loved it.

we've been dating for a little over a year and it's great, I am absolutely in love with her and I think she is too

she's mad at me right now though

Today, at Quidditch, I beat up Draco Malfoy for bad mouthing, making Umbridge ban Me, Harry and Fred from the team, which is total bullshit!

anyway, I didn't get badly injured, Malfoy can't punch for the life of him

I only got a cut on my lip but Y/n yelled at me when walking back to the castle

I told her I don't really care I got kicked off but she still told me off, she's cute when she's mad

and I can't be mad at her for worrying about me, especially when she said I looked hot when beating Malfoy up

she let that slip from her mouth and hit my arm when I laughed at her

Merlin I love her, and I never want that to change, so just so you know. you are an idiot if you EVER LEAVE HER.

Fred and I are finalising our plan on leaving Hogwarts to start the shop up

Y/n knows about it, I've reassured her that we'll see each other, but I'm still worried she'll break up with me so I can focus on the shop

but right now I have to make it up to her for getting in a fight so.

April 21, 1996

she told me she wants to break up, she said it wasn't because of us, but because she wants to focus on our futures

I refused, it's the day before me and Fred leave.

I don't want to leave her, it feels like I only just got her and screw anyone who will try to take her away.

I told her I didn't want that and then it turned into a fight

she said she only wants what's best for us, but she is the best for me, and I will try to be the best for her

she left my dorm and I don't know where she went, but I want to see her, to tell her it will work.

I knew this was going to happen, but i didn't want it to.

Update- I found her and I begged her to stay with me, I told her that she should come live with me and Fred when she graduates and she didn't know what to say, she said she'll think about it

June 26, 1996

she moved in with us, she decided to stay with me and live with me, all her things are here now and she's in the bathroom right now, going through it and putting things in there, I couldn't be more happy.

I have the girl of my dreams to wake up beside me and go to sleep in my arms, forever

"George! dinner!" He heard Fred yell out before the door opened

"George..." he heard Fred sigh sadly

George felt the tears start to prickle in his eyes as he thought of you and how much he loved you

"I told her not to go...why didn't she listen?" George asked as his tears met the page from a few years prior, before the war

the same war that took you away from him

Fred walked into the room and sat next to his twin

"come on, I told you not to find this" Fred said, taking the book away.

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it's been a while! i'm sorryyyyy

#george weasley x fem #george weasley #oliver phelps #x fem!reader #imagines #oneshot #harry potter universe #george weasley imagine #fred weasley #yule ball #harry potter imagines

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matthew-gray-gubler-lover · 5 days

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A picture-Perfect Hello.

Spencer Reid picture-perfect.

Spencer Reid had no idea when he came home from a long case that his new neighbor would be the love of his life. And together they would create the picture-perfect life.

A four-part series.

Warning Contains spoilers for Season 13 as well as Season 12. Post prison Spencer Reid.

Ages 18 and over. Contains oral sex. Penetrative sex. Reader on birth control pills.

Spencer came home from a long case. A six Day one to be exact. He was surprised to see a pile of boxes sitting in the hallway in front of an apartment building that he assumed was still to be empty when he came back home. It's not that he didn't want new neighbors. He just didn't expect there to be any, given that that apartment has been vacant for the past seven months.

he was So exhausted from the trip back home that he really just wanted to go to sleep. But he knows that that would be rude not to even try to offer Any help to his new neighbor. So he unlocked his door and put his satchel inside. Going over to the refrigerator to grab something to drink, leaving the front door open So he could see if the new neighbor passed by. After a few minutes, he decided to shut the front door and go stand out in the hall. He made it to the front of his sofa before he saw a pile of boxes walking by his door.

"Oh, here, let me help you" he said, running out of his door.

" Oh my gosh, thank you so much that this so kind of you." He heard a woman's voice coming from behind the pile of boxes.

" Sure, no problem. Let me just grab these" he said, pulling two boxes off the top of the pile.

Spencer couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the woman that was behind the box. a Brunette with Short hair. And blue eyes.

" Hello" he managed to get out. " My name is Spencer, Spencer Reid. I live in this apartment right here". He told her, using his thumb to point back at the door.

" Hello my name is y/n It's so nice to meet you. I didn't know if anybody lived in this apartment. I've been moving in for the past two days and I haven't seen you."

" I was at work. I.. I'm, I'm an FBI agent, so I wasn't home for six days."

" Ohh wow. An FBI agent? That must be really exciting."

" It can be. It has its moments that it's exciting. Yes, I, you know, I I definitely enjoy the work that I do, putting away the bad guys and all that. Definitely rewarding, yes. Kind of tiring though as well if I'm being honest. But still, it's.. it's really nice work." Spencer began to ramble.

" Would you like to come in and put those boxes down?"

" Boxes? Ohh yes yes. But I would love to put the boxes down" Spencer answered, not even realizing anymore that he was holding boxes.

" Just try to find a place to put them down at. I'm sorry I haven't really officially moved in yet. I'm staying with a friend of mine while I get everything out of my dirtbag ex boyfriend's apartment." She explained to Spencer she was waving her finger around the room with her other hand on her hip.

"Oh, sure, no problem. It it's going to take some time to move in. I'm sorry about your boyfriend."

" Oh, don't be. He was a lousy piece of crap that wasn't even any good in bed. I mean, it is seriously Exhausting having to fake orgasms all the time. It would have been nice if I could have had a real one during the two years we were together." She huffed out angrily.

Spencer's face must have lost all color or the opposite turned as red as a strawberry when she was saying this. As she stopped right in her tracks and they started apologizing.

" Oh my God, I am so sorry. I don't know why I said that. I mean, I just met you like what, 5 minutes ago if that. And here I am already talking like this. Please forgive me. I understand if you don't want to help me bring in any more boxes and if you want to pretend that I don't even live here, I completely understand. Have a tendency to over share my feelings when I'm angry and Needless to say, I'm angry."

" no need to apologize. I understand you being angry and you know, I hear a lot of stuff being an FBI agent. Plus I do have three women on our team, so, you know, I I hear things."

"Wow. Three women on your team. That's impressive. I just assumed that the FBI thought that that was men's work. You know? Good to see that we're making a little progress in the world."

" Ohh no. The FBI is full of women. You really have made a lot of progress in the work world. You know, it's been statistically proven that women are more effective at catching serial killers than men in some cases." He Explained to her.

" Really? well. I guess if you piss us off enough, we'll hunt you down."

" I guess you could say that, yes. Uh, there's three agents that I work with that are women. And then there's our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia. She's wonderful as well."

" Well, that's good. Got to get rid of those bad guys, right? And bad ladies, I'm sure as well."

"Yep" He said, rocking back and forth from his toes to his heels. Kind of uncomfortable now that the conversation has ended.

" So do you have more boxes you need me to help you bring in or?" He asked, waving his hands around nervously.

" Yes, I do. I have five more boxes out in the car."

" OK, well here let me help you with that."

"So does you being an agent mean that I'm not going to see you much? Because that would be really sad. I think you're really cute. And you obviously are smart."

"OH no. I'm home when I can be most of the time. And if I'm not home or out on a case, I spent a lot of time on a jet too. You know, going to the crime scenes. It's a lot easier for me when it's local because then I get to come back home. It gets a little tiring having to be in hotels all the time. Sometimes it's really nice to just come home to the comfort of your own apartment and bed, you know?"

"It is."

After Spencer helped her bring in the rest of her boxes, she went over to a box marked kitchen and pulled out a coffee pot.

" Would you like some coffee? I love coffee and I can't live without it." Asked, holding up her pink coffee maker.

" Really. I love coffee too. Yes, I.. I.. I would love some. My friends always put me down. Well, my my coworkers. But they're like my friends. Actually. They're like my family. They make fun of me sometimes for loving coffee so much."

" Why would they Make fun of you for that?. Oh well. Between you and me, we could probably empty out the entire state of coffee beans."

" Yeah, we probably could." He said with a big grin on his face.

" So how long have you lived here?" She asked him.

" 14 years."

"Wow, 14 years. That's amazing. Must be really nice here. Well, for the amount of time that you hear, I guess you couldn't really judge."

" Well, I've been here long enough, yeah, to know that. That's. It really is nice. Yeah, but you're right, the amount of time that I'm actually here for. Really can't judge, but sometimes I am here for a week at a time."

She walks into the kitchen and plugs in the coffee pot.

" I know exactly where my coffee beans are. They're in that box over there marked coffee."

" Spencer Looks over at the box. "Ohh here let me get it for you."

" Thank you. You're such a gentleman. I mean, not only helping me move in, but also helping me make coffee. You'll find mugs in that same box, by the way."

When Spencer opens the box, he sees 5 bags of coffee and seven mugs.

" Ohh wow my friend Penelope. She would love your mugs. She's the queen of coffee mugs. Although in her case sometimes it's also hot tea, so mugs in general."

" I think I'd really get along with this, Penelope."

" She is wonderful." Spencer tells her where the chuckle.

Spencer hands her a bag of coffee, a pack of coffee filters and two mugs. A pink mug with a rainbow on it and a black mug that says I love coffee.

" I think this will be my favorite mug" he told her, holding up the one that says I love coffee.

" Well then, we will make that your special mug for when you come over, and that is if you want to ever come back."

" I want to come back. I I look forward to it."

Spencer Reid being a man of science, never really believed in love at first sight. But there's something about her he feels that he could spend the rest of his life with, even though he's only known her for about an hour tops at this point.

"You know, if you come back tomorrow, I have been known to make some pretty good muffins. By then I should be able to find my baking stuff. But that is only if you would like to. I understand. If you don't want to, it's. Completely understandable."

" No, not at all. I would love to come over. Muffins sound really good. Muffins and coffee? That's. That's really good. Yeah." He said with a chuckle, so happy that she would like for him to come back.

" OK then uh 8:00 be OK?"

" That'd be great. I don't start teaching until 10:00, so. 8:00 would be good."

" I thought you were an FBI agent".

"Ohh. Well, yeah, I ...I am. I am an FBI agent. But I also teach sometimes because I'm not Fully on the team at the moment, but that's a that's a long story for. Another time so". Spencer said nervously. What was she going to think if she asked him why he wasn't on the team full time? What if she doesn't like that he was in prison even though he didn't really commit the crime he was arrested for?

" OK, well, another time it is."

" So I can be here at 8:00." Spencer asked, wringing his hands.

" Unless 7:30 would be better for you."

" 7:30 would be great. That would be great. That would give me half hour more to be able to get ready to go and teach my class."

" OK, 7:30 it is. I should already be started by the muffins, by then"

" Great" Spencer said.

" Do you take your coffee?"

"Black with sugar." Spencer answered, placing the two Mugs next to the coffee maker that was just about done.

" Black with sugar, You got it."

There was a little bit of awkward silence as the coffee finished brewing. Before y/n Poured 2 mugs of it, adding the sugar into both mugs and going over to the refrigerator to get some Creamer.

" I know it's strange. I already have Creamer in my refrigerator, but says I said I've been moving in for a few days, so I don't really know why I have Creamer in my refrigerator. Didn't even have my coffee maker yet, but I'm a weird one. "

" Not at all. " Spencer said.

After the coffees had been made, the two of them sat down at her little kitchen table.

" You know, this table was actually left behind from the previous renter. I don't know why, but hey, I was happy to have it. " y/n said.

" Yes, well left behind furniture is always good. Unfortunately, nothing came with my apartment. "

" Wow. Usually somebody leaves something behind. " she says taking a sip of coffee.

" So can I ask what you do? Or do you not have a job yet in between jobs?"

" Ohh yes, I'm a Blogger."

" Spencer said, not really knowing what that was.

"Do you know what that is?" She asked him. Putting down her mug.

"No, not really. I'm sorry."

"No problem. I have a blog. It's a computer thing. It's on the Internet. It's a page Where I show you how to do things like highlight your hair and things I used to do. I also show a lot of cooking things, like how to make the muffins I'm going to make tomorrow, along with other things that I make."

" Oh, so you teach people how to do things via the Internet?"

" Yes, exactly."

" Ohh like life's important things like faking orgasms." He said with a chuckle as he took his first sip of coffee.

y/n Almost spit her coffee out at his response.

" Yes, exactly. I I really did do one of those. It was my most popular video to date, actually." She told him, laughing.

" Well, at least you're helping people with the important things in the world. Ohh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I really need to be getting to work. Umm, so I can come back tomorrow, right?"

"Absolutely. I look forward to it."

After Spencer went to teach another class, knowing that people really weren't going to be paying him any attention anyway. He was just kind of going through the motions. His mind, even though he was trying to teach about serial killers, just kept going back to His beautiful new neighbor and how he couldn't wait to get back to her apartment tomorrow.

Once class was over and he stopped at the grocery store to pick up something for him to eat for dinner. He went back home. He was so tempted to knock on his neighbor's door to see how she was doing. Or really just to see her face again. To ask her if she would like to come over and share his dinner, but he didn't want to be too forward, she said. I'll see you tomorrow morning, so tomorrow morning it would be.

He ate his dinner, took his shower, got in his pajamas, brushed his teeth and went to bed. Unfortunately though, for Spencer, sleep did not come easily to him. He just kept thinking about the beautiful woman next door. But was she doing? Was she sleeping? Was she lying awake, thinking about him, The way he was laying awake? Thinking about her?

He really needs to stop these Thoughts that are running through his head and try to get some sleep morning would come soon enough and he would be at her front door again, tapping on the wood, waiting to get inside.

Eventually, morning came and he did just the thing that he said he was going to do, ran out his front door before smoothening out any wrinkles that may be on his sweater. Before knocking lightly on her wooden front door.

" I'm coming, he heard being shouted from The other side of the door. He waited for a few seconds before he heard the deadbolt on lock the door opening, revealing the woman that he's awaiting all night to see. Wearing a light pink tank top and a purple apron. That had some baking flour stuck to it.

In all honesty, she was so beautiful and the fact that she was making muffins for him, it took all he had not to drop to one knee right now and ask her to marry him. It wasn't just because she would serve him muffins. It was because no one was willing to make anything like this for Spencer and his entire life. And even though he had only met this woman one day prior, he knew he was in love with her. He knew that this was the woman that he was destined to spend the rest of his life with.

" Hi, come on in. I'm so sorry I had to run to the store. So I'm a little bit later making the muffins and I thought I was going to be. I didn't have any flower. I forgot that I threw it at my ex when he told me that he didn't need my cooking anymore. It was juvenile, I know. But it was in the heat of the moment. So I just threw it at him."

" Oh, wow. OK, no problem. Take your time. If if you don't have the time to make the muffins right now, it's OK. I can come back tomorrow."

" Ohh no no, she cut him off. I have the flour, I'm just measuring it out now."

"OK, sure, can I help you make the muffins? I've never really baked anything before."

" Really. You would like to help me make muffins? OH my gosh yes. Thank you so much. I would love for you to do that. You know my boyfriend Will, my ex sorry-ass boyfriend never would have offered to help cook with me. He thought that cooking and baking was stupid and that it was just. Useless hobby."

" Well, that's not nice. Baking is a wonderful hobby. Cooking. We all need to eat to survive, right? So he didn't have any right to pick on you for that. I'm so sorry that he was like that to you. I promise I will never be that way to you. I mean, not that we're a couple. You know, I'm not presuming that you would want to be in a relationship with me. I'm just saying if it should ever come to that, I wouldn't be that kind of boyfriend. I'd be loving and supportive and help you with anything that you wanted." He began rambling.

" That would be wonderful, you know, if we ended up being together and cooked together, married one day. Just think. We would tell our children how we met and they would think it was so sweet."

Now Spencer's mind was really racing again. She's considering a life with him. She's actually thinking about a life with him and having children with him and telling them about how they met one day.

" Spencer?" He heard her saying.

"yes?" he answered.

" Would you like to come into the kitchen and help me?"

"Oh, Oh my gosh. Yes, yes, I would love to. OK, umm, So what do you need me to do?"

" Well, unfortunately I don't have a spare apron. And if you're planning on wearing this Sweater. You may not want to mess with the flour, but you can wash off the blueberries for me.

"Oh yes, of course." Spencer said, opening up the pints of blueberries and pouring them into a pink strainer to wash them off.

" I'm so sorry that you have to wait longer for the muffins because I forgot to get flour.

" It's OK. I'm actually happy that it happened because now I get to be a part of the muffin making process." Her as he finished straining the rest of the water off of the blueberries.

" That's so sweet, you can take and dump them into the bowl right there with the sugar."

The two of them stood side-by-side preparing muffin batter.

Before placing the batter into baking cups and putting them in the oven. y/n Pouring some coffee for them while they wait.

" So how did you sleep last night?" She asked, putting the two mugs of coffee down.

How did I sleep? OH my gosh how can I tell her that I couldn't sleep? Because all I could think about was her. How much I wanted to come back over here and see her. How I know she's the love of my life. How can I tell her that without her thinking that I'm crazy? Spencer thought to himself.

" I slept rather well, thank you." He told her he feels so bad about lying to her, but how can he tell her about his true feelings without scaring her away?

Once the muffins were done and they started eating them, it was the most delicious blueberry muffin Spencer had ever had.

" These are incredible" he told her before stuffing and other piece into his mouth.

" Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you like them. You know, I also make coffee cakes and strudels and stuff like that, so, you know, I could keep feeding you if you're interested."

If Spencer could have his way, he would make breakfast with her every day for the rest of his life.

" I would like that. he told her with a smile.

The next two weeks went on like this, meeting every day. Went to teach, unfortunately his teacher. Come to an end and he was forced to go back to the station.

" I'm back on FBI time now, so I may be gone for a little while. I'll let you know if I have a case. That way you don't start making something for me and I'm not here to get it." Told her, looking down at his thumbs that he was twiddling.

" OK, well, I'm going to miss you if you have a case, but I have a lot of muffins leftover. Would your team like some?" She asked him.

" I I think they would, yes, they're amazing. And if they don't want them, well, I'll gladly eat them."

" OK, great. I'll pack some up for you."

Spencer reluctantly left her apartment to go to the station, carrying with him a large basket of blueberry muffins. They placed them on the table of the round table room.

Luke came into the room and saw the basket of muffins along with Spencer sitting in his usual chair.

" Hey, welcome back Reid" Luke said to him.

" Hey, Luke. Thanks. It's nice to be back."

" Muffins. Are those for anybody or are they just for you?" Luke asked.

" There For anyone. My new neighbor Likes to bake, so she sent me to work with some muffins for you guys."

" She Ohh. I'm I'm not prying just is she someone that You might be interested in. I'm. I'm not meaning to pry. I just. I worry about you. You know, you go back to your apartment all by yourself and you don't really get any visitors. It would just be nice for you to have someone."

" I really like her, Luke. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how to tell her. You know, I know that I'm the age that I am, but I don't have much experience with women. The only girlfriend long term that I really had got murdered in front of me. So I don't know how to talk to women." Spencer said sadly.

" Well reid. I can honestly tell you if a woman is willing to make you muffin's. And allow you into her apartment, I'm assuming."

" She did. I helped her move in."

" Then yes, she likes you." Luke told him before taking a bite of muffin.

" Really?" Spencer asked.

" Yes, really. And if she makes muffins like this my God man, go back home now and ask her to marry you. These are delicious."

Unfortunately for Spencer, he was going to have to wait to see his ladylove again. he had to go away on a case. The next three months' time continued to go this way. He would be home for a day or two enjoying the baked Goods with Her before having to go away on another case. They really didn't get to spend much time together anymore. They were both afraid that the feelings that they had for each other would fizzle away. But maybe, just maybe, people were right. Time apart does make the heart grow fonder. It left them both wondering though. Feel this way about each other. They're just neighbors, and they've never even kissed. Just enjoying talking about things over coffee and baked goods that Spencer often helped make. He really enjoyed the baking process and the fact that it gave him more time to spend with y/n but all of that changed quickly after Spencer finally had some time off since he was teaching again. So she invited him to come over and watch a movie. That was for the best, considering that Spencer really didn't have any movies that weren't foreign films.

"She picked (your favorite movie) To watch She Thought that Spencer would really enjoy it.

" I can't believe you've never seen this movie. I've seen it about 1000 times and can say just about every line with it". She told him.

" Well, I haven't seen very many movies that aren't in foreign languages, so this will be a fun to experience for me."

That night was a turning point in their relationship. As they sat on the sofa together, they realized neither one of them was really interested in the movie. They were more interested in each other. They've been away from each other for too long, and tonight was the night they were finally going to kiss.

However, Spencer Reid being amazing at everything was also in the world's greatest kisser. We've got turned on so much by the kissing that it wasn't long before Spencer was asking against her lips. "Can we take this to the bedroom?"

y/n Moaned a Yes, against his lips.

If Spencer picked her up off the couch and carried her into her bedroom, he knew exactly where it was. Not because he's been to her apartment so many times, but because the layout of her apartment was exactly the same as his own. Before he knew it, he was peeling off her clothes and kissing her passionately.

Shouldn't she was doing the same to him with the same urgency.

However, before Spencer removed her underwear. He asked if it was OK for him to do so.

y/n Couldn't get the word "yes" out fast enough. As soon as she was bare to him, he looked up into her eyes to make sure that She was OK with what he was about to do.

She panted out a yes before he licked right up her center. Causing her to moan out his name. Something that, if he was being honest with himself, was something that he was dying to hear over the past 3 1/2 months.

He took his time with her, loving the way that her fingers felt running through his hair. After he gave her two mind-blowing orgasms, he couldn't wait anymore. He needed to be inside of her.

"Do you have any protection?" He asked her, praying to the gods, anyone of them that she would have something.

"I'm on the pill and I'm clean". She panted out

the smile on his face, almost taking up his entire face at this point.

"Good" he panted out. Before slowly pushing inside of her. They both moaned out at the feeling. Something that they were both longing for, for so long. As he slowly moved inside of her, his fingers intertwining with hers.

The only sounds in the apartment at this point was the sounds of their moans and lips smacking.

" Where do you want me?" Spencer asked y/n Feeling that he was close told him.

" Inside, inside Spencer, I want to feel all of you."

And be more thrilled at these words. They both orgasm together and it was like pure heaven.

Spencer helped her ride out her high, and as he did, he couldn't help but stare into her eyes, seeing how beautiful she is.

Spencer eventually had to pull out. So sad for both of them since they both waited for so long. Both of them hoping that it would happen again.

They laid in her bed. Spencer's arms, holding her tightly to his body.

" Are you sorry that it happened?" Spencer asked sadly. As y/n Hasn't said anything since they orgasmed.

" No, not at all. Are you?" She asked with full of worry.

" No, absolutely not. I was worried that you were going to be sorry. I mean, it's been silence for a little bit." Spencer said with a gulp.

" No, I'm so happy that it happened. I waited for so long, you know, Honestly, I wanted you from the very first time I saw you, but I didn't want you to think that I was Trashy." She told him, running her hand up and down his bare chest.

" I would never think that, and honestly, I was the same way about you." Spencer told her with a smile.

"Who would have ever thought that me walking by with a stack of boxes would have led to this? that just a simple hello would have led to where we are today."

" I know. I guess you could say it was a picture-Perfect Hello." Spencer said before kissing her again.

Thank you so much for reading. Comments will be greatly appreciated and I look forward to writing the rest of this story. there should be another chapter out by the summer.

@thebloomingeagle

#spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #dr reid #reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler imagine

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eddies-house · 7 months

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Smoke Signals

Chapter Six - Sugar

W/C: 4.5K

Eddie x Fem reader - Grumpy!Bartender!Eddie x Shy!Reader

A crybaby and the town grump walk into a bar...

A/N: idk why but this chapter was giving me so much trouble and i've been really doubting my writing and second guessing. It's more of a filler chapter but still important to the story. I'm super excited for what's to come tho!!

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Three Weeks Later

“Bambi, go home already. Your shift ended–” Eddie pauses to check his watch. “-jesus, like an hour ago. Why are you still here?”

The floors were pristine, mopped to perfection, chairs stacked on top of the tables, and rags started in the washer. Every glass found home on their corresponding shelves, all dried and perfectly polished for the following shift, not one imperfection among the twinkling surfaces. The place was spotless and there you were, standing on top of the bar in order to reach the top of the light fixtures which, judging by the amount of dust on them, went neglected for some time now. Your apron was long discarded on one of the barstools and sweat dripped from your brow, the epitome of hard work if he’d ever seen it. The Bourbon hadn’t been this clean in years.

“I’m almost done, I swear.” You reply quietly, clearly far more engaged in your cleaning frenzy than any conversation he was trying to coax you into.

“No, you’re done.” Eddie marches around the bar, revealing himself just in your peripheral. “Get outta here.” There wasn’t an ounce of venom behind his words, however, he was without a doubt becoming increasingly annoyed.

You chance a glance down at him only to find his standard scowl etched onto his face. Except, it wasn’t as mean spirited as you were used to and it hadn’t been for quite some time. It was cute; the way his lip would slightly jut out and how his smile lines were so prominent, eyes drooping in irritation. Endearing irritation that you grew accustomed to.

“I will.” You state, feather duster swiping through a satisfying amount of dust. “When I finish.”

“No, get down.”

Your first instinct is to obey without question. Listen to authority. But in the previous weeks, you’d found it easier to let loose. Sure, Eddie was always somewhat crabby but it never intimidated you and whenever he found himself particularly pissed off, he’d banish himself to the back office which aided in releasing any tension you’d built up throughout the week. So, it wasn’t that difficult to at least attempt some friendly banter. Especially if you could get him to crack a smile. It was a win in your books when he tried so hard to withhold it from you or even better, turned around completely to shield his broken composure from you.

“Don’t you have–what did you call it– ‘a shit ton of paperwork’ to do?” You joke.

“Ha. Ha. I’m serious, get down.” He mocks, glaring up at you, a stupid little tug pulling at the corners of his mouth. Barely noticeable, but you take note of it.

“‘M not gonna fall, if that’s what you're worried about.” You mumble, shaking your head.

“Judging by how many times you nearly eat shit throughout the week, I’m pretty worried.”

Pretty worried.

Saliva caught in the back of your throat, you try to play it off like dust that had gotten trapped in your airways, clearing your throat. Only, your body had just reacted far too quickly to his words, resulting in the failure of a simple bodily function.

“I do not…” You crouch down, poking the end of the feather duster at his chest. “...fall that often.” You pout.

“Yeah?” A tiny smile pulls at his lips. There it is. “That’s why I said ‘nearly’.”

If you could bottle up the look he was giving you, you would selfishly keep it all for yourself to stare at on bad days. Such mischief and amusement lingered in his gaze. Sparks lighting up the dark and cloudy haze he usually exhibited. Like fireworks against a colorless sky, beautiful hues popping left and right but after all, everything is always temporary.

“I don’t ‘nearly’ fall that often either.” You whine.

“Just get off my bar and go home.” Eddie demands, voice warm and buttery despite his intent to kick you out.

Staring at him expectantly, he relays the same expression to you with raised brows. In response, you cock your head to the side, luring the word out of him. He doesn’t quite catch on, eyes narrowing while you wait. A smirk appears on your lips as you remain perched on top of the bar, feather duster forgotten next to you. His eyes grow a few sizes as if to urge you to speak up. And then he gets it.

“Please.” It drips from his tongue like warm caramel.

His eyes relax, creases between his brows ceasing and lids becoming heavy. Another look you would mentally take a snapshot of just to hang it on the walls of your cluttered brain. You’d be sure to clear a spot just for it.

“Gladly.” You offer the same smooth tone, hopping off the bar only to lose your balance along the way.

And before you can face plant into the hard wood planks, two large hands stabilize you, holding your waist firmly until he is sure you aren't going to collapse, but not yet letting go. If you were to set aside your cowardly tendencies, you would look up and feel his breath against your face. And you’re sure you could probably count the faint freckles on his nose that you’d only seen briefly when almost colliding into him during a rush. You only remain glued to the floor, both your eyes and feet.

“Careful, Bambi.” He scolds softly.

“‘M sorry.” You murmur.

“No need to be sorry.” You timidly glance up at him. “Just–just be more careful.” He pleads.

You were good and ready for him to yell at you, fully prepared to recoil as he raises his voice but it never comes. And it hadn’t since that one time with the plates but you were like a skittish animal and long before you had even known him, any conflict had you in a corner every time, eyes full of tears and lip trembling. You could only hope you didn’t look as pathetic right now.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He begins to soothe, a certain nervousness in his voice. Obviously you did look just as pathetic if not more.

His hands had left your waist to graze over your shoulders hesitantly, concern evident in his tone while he consoled you. He shouldn’t have to console you for fuck’s sake. Why were you on the verge of tears over your clumsiness?

“Sorry, sorry. ‘M fine, I swear.” You attempt to suck back the tears, head tilted toward the ceiling, lip tucked in between your teeth anxiously. “J-just go do your paperwork. I’ll be gone in a minute.”

Just when you think–no hope that he walks away, those large hands are gently grabbing at your wrists as you use your fingers to push the tears back into the corners of your eyes. A soft touch that for some reason, only made you want to cry more.

“Stop apologizing.” Eddie says, attempting to catch your gaze, finding it difficult as you begin to stare at the floor, hiding huge watery globs under your eyelashes.

“Just–let me get my things–” You begin to voice shakily, vision blurred with tears that you resented.

“Sit down.” He demands calmly, concern carved into his features from what you can make out through blurred vision.

“No, no, it’s okay–”

“Right here, sit.”

Eddie directs you to a barstool, the distorted world around you becoming progressively more overwhelming by the second. And all because you almost fell in front of your boss and he had to catch you. It wasn’t your intention, appearing as the stupid girl who happened to be a gigantic cry baby, emotions too sensitive to the horrors of the real world. Though, that was the reality, wasn’t it?

“Sorry.” You whisper, a few rogue tears escaping after the good fight you put up.

At this, he releases a heavy sigh. You can’t help but feel childish and small, your confidence devastatingly lower than before as you try to regulate your shaky breathing and wobbly lip. You just needed a minute, one minute to ride out the wave of anxiety. Eddie lets your umpteenth apology slide, slowly slipping into the stool next to you.

“I’m–uh–I’m gonna go home.” Your voice is an octave too high for his liking.

“Not like this you’re not.”

You remain on the stool, embarrassed, your cheeks feeling hot with stained tears. This was hell if anyone ever asked you. Slowly but surely revealing just how big of a wimp you were. Sure, you’d shed a few tears when he screamed at you over the plates but he hadn’t even done anything this time. You reacted purely on instinct and it was humbling.

“Let’s uh, let’s try this…” Eddie starts, running a ringed hand through his bangs. He slides a napkin in front of you before reaching for your apron on the back of his stool, stealing a pen and setting it on the napkin. “W-write down, uh, write down your feelings?” He says, so unsure even he couldn’t take himself seriously.

With a sniffle, you try to hide your confusion as you stare at the bland brown napkin. Eddie groans and for a moment you think it’s because you’re not playing along but quickly dismisses the thought when he reaches for another napkin and steals a second pen from your apron.

“Um, it sounds–it sounds stupid. It kinda is stupid. But, um, you just write what you’re feeling? A-and it’s supposed to…shit I dunno. It’s supposed to help clear your head I guess?” He explains.

You wait for him to laugh, wait for him to mock your tear stained face and absolute lack of emotional control. You wait for the ‘why are you crying’ in the most condescending tone and the lecture as to why you had no reason to cry. It never comes. Instead, as you sneak a glimpse at him from the corner of your teary eye, and he starts writing.

“So, right now, um…” He clears his throat. “Right now I’m feeling, uh, concerned?”

You can tell he’s having trouble coming up with words and that this was difficult for him…feelings were difficult for him. Something you could heavily relate to.

“Or, uh, you c-can just write…whatever…” He trails off, clicking the pen against the counter repeatedly.

Rather than answering, you clumsily pick up the blue pen, dropping it once with a trembling hand before fully grasping it. Then you begin writing as he instructed. If he made fun of you for what you were writing down, so be it. You’d already embarrassed yourself enough.

You expected him to chime in by now, scoffing at what you had written down. But when you glanced over, he was doodling on his napkin, something that appeared to be a dragon. Minding his own business. Awkwardly, you set the pen back on the counter, causing him to peek over at you.

“It helped.” You mumble. “A little.”

“Good.” He replies, tapping his pen against the counter. “So, uh my therapist usually has me share once I write everything down–or at least share the main points. You don’t–you don’t have to but that’s just…that’s what we do.”

Eddie expects you to crumple up the napkin and throw it out. Then you would leave and think to yourself how ridiculous he is. He didn’t know how to help people–hell, he didn’t even know how to help himself most of the time. What he doesn’t expect is for you to shyly slide the napkin in front of him. Averting his eyes, he’s unsure if he actually has permission to read but when you nod your head ever so slightly, he still has trouble looking down at what you had scribbled out. It felt like he was peeking into your brain, something he felt he wasn’t worthy of.

Humiliated

Stupid

Exhausted

Anxious

Small

Burden

Crybaby

Lonely

So many words for such a small increment of time that you had been scrawling away on that napkin. So many words that held such heaviness.

“Wow.” Is all that he says upon his first glance over.

Anxiously, you suck in a breath, attempting to snatch the napkin back in regret only to fail as Eddie slides it out of your reach.

“It’s stupid, I-I’m gonna go…” You begin, hopping off of your stool.

“It’s not stupid–”

Then you were gone, a gust of wind practically slapping him in the face. He couldn’t find it in himself to complain, only troubled by the inner workings of your mind. It was all too familiar and he was beginning to feel as if he wasn’t the only one cursed with a diseased mind. Selfishly, he found comfort in that.

–

There’s only one thing worse than a shitty car. Two shitty cars. Specifically a shitty car and a shitty truck. Both unreliable, both sputtering every time Eddie put the key in the ignition. Grandpa Roy’s ‘Ol Reliable four-door sedan wasn’t living up to its name and was on the decline by the looks of it. It had been for some time, though he was alway able to find a temporary fix and keep it running. Today he had no such luck.

The truck, Sugar, was arguably in much better shape. She was well-loved, red paint chipping after years of use and a cracked rear window. The engine had its moments but she was still better off than ‘Ol Reliable.

“C’mon, Sugar. Don’t be like that.” Eddie mutters, turning the key in the ignition a few times more, only to be met with failure. “Fuck.” He whispers, hopping out from the driver’s side to prop the hood open, large hands splayed out along the sides as he prepares for battle.

With a sigh, he ties his hair back and discards his leather jacket on the ground in exasperation, even going as far as to give it a small kick away from his work space. A wooden work bench was strategically placed on the porch under the awning, leaving no issue for when winter came around so that he had easy access to his tools even in the most dreadful of snows. Snow hadn’t kissed the ground quite yet but the further into October it got, the more crisp the air became, a subtle announcement for what was to come.

A deep, resentful groan leaves Eddie’s chest as he trudged up the steps to the porch, lips all perfectly pouted while he reluctantly pulls each of his large rings off only to drop them in a cup he’d taken from a diner years ago when he made the move to Knife’s Edge. An already greased up rag was snatched from the worktop and tucked snugly into his back pocket.

One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.

He counts to himself under his breath as he collects the necessary tools. It wasn’t like he had to be at the bar yet, though he would’ve liked to stop by the store to stock up on cigarettes and see if he could find any of those cocktail cherries on sale. He wanted to save where he could. Every cent mattered. Then he was more than likely going to sulk in self pity while trying to figure out how to summon money from the sky. Maybe indulge in a beer in his office. He couldn’t afford to comp beers for himself like that but he could dream. After that maybe he’d have a good cry before the chaos ensued again.

Those plans went out the window when Sugar decided to test his patience. Perhaps he should be grateful to his unfaithful truck for attempting to lure him out of the isolation he planned to encase himself in. It was one thing to isolate yourself at home, it was another to trap yourself at your place of work hours before it actually opened and beat yourself up over every little thing and question where it all went wrong.

“Dammit, dammit, dammit.” He reiterates to himself, tossing a wrench in his hand as he makes his way back to Sugar. “Go easy on me.” He begs.

The pumpkins you had been angling perfectly on your porch were suddenly so miserably uninteresting; how could they not be when such an erotic site was placed right in front of your prying eyes? Regretfully, your wet dream came to life. Except, you played no part in it and Eddie paid no mind to you. Not that he ever would. And even if he did, you’d made it clear that you were a nutcase.

You still couldn’t tear your eyes away from the way his arms flexed under his short sleeves and how he grunted while tugging at something under the hood of his truck. Drool could have been dripping from your chin and you wouldn’t notice, too hypnotized by his every movement. He had opted to wear some black converse today rather than his standard black combat boots. It was cute, you couldn’t lie, the small change made you giddy. And the way his shirt was riding up as he stretched himself over the engine felt like a tease. A peek at what you had once gotten a glance of while wasted but didn’t get to fully appreciate as your sober self.

God, you could recall the blurry image of him momentarily pulling his puke stained shirt off cautiously, revealing his lean figure. It was practically pixelated in your mind. As you reminisce on what your drunk self had taken for granted, reality feels just as distorted when Eddie’s eyes land on yours. Huge doe eyes, almost cartoon-like catching your attention as if a moth to a flame. You want to look away, you beg of yourself to look away but your inner voice is muffled; almost as though you were under an enchantment.

And like a siren call, his voice reaches you. You fear that you may be all too willing to drown just to hear it again.

“Will you hold this for me?” He shouts, almost desperately. Almost.

Your eyes widen, hands still resting atop a perfectly orange pumpkin while you sit pretty on your porch step. An Autumn dream. Suddenly, Eddie wishes he would’ve kept to himself rather than requesting your assistance. Had he thought it through, he would’ve opted to magically grow another hand. Instead, he stands with ruddy cheeks and syrupy eyes, glazed with adoration that he was frantically attempting to wipe from his vision, shoving the feelings that were oozing out of him back into his stupid sweaty skin.

“Um…” You reply in surprise, already crossing the border between properties, a shy stutter to your walk. “Well I don’t really know how to…” You trail off, suspecting that he could figure out the rest of your thoughts on his own.

Oh, how he regrets calling you over. His clammy hand clutches the wrench, providing no aid in his attempt to calm his nerves.

“You don’t…you don’t have to, uh…” He appears as if he’s battling his own thoughts, gaze casted toward the ground as his eyes dart left and right. “Can you just hold this?” He finally gets out, pointing to a part of the engine. “Sugar won’t start and I swear I can have her running again but it’d be a hell lot easier if you could just hold this real quick.”

“Sugar?”

“Sugar.” He confirms. “Oh!” Realization hits him. “Yeah, Sugar. My truck.”

“Okay…” You whisper, unsure.

You could almost forget the mortifying incident from the early hours of 3:00 AM as you took in his wet chocolate coated eyes, the light Fall breeze seeming to affect him. His lashes clumped together like art and his nose was tinted the perfect shade of rose, those faint freckles dotted along the bridge like little constellations.

“Just, right here.” He instructs, turning his attention back to Sugar.

Following his lead, you adjust your hand where it's needed, an uncomfortable, greasy residue coating your fingers as he works. From this angle, the afternoon sun casts a golden glow over his profile, flyaway curls highlighted in the light like a halo and nose endearingly round at the tip with lips tucked into his teeth as he concentrates. And then, his tongue pokes out, an adoring sight that only makes you yearn to reach out and graze your fingertips over the stubble threatening to emerge from his cheek.

“Thought you’d name it something more…tough.”

Your meek voice earns a glance over his shoulder, brows furrowed in that cute way that everyone always recognized as harsh and cold-hearted.

“What?” The way his eyes crinkle at the corners paired with his confused expression only give you more reason to let your stare linger a little bit longer, a bold move on your part.

“Um, Sugar–”

“Oh, Sugar.”

Simultaneously, you refer to his truck, interrupting each other while his elbow grazes your arm as he tightens a bolt.

“Uh, well…she’s, uh, the only girl in my life.” He jokes, quietly chuckling. “And, she’s not exactly brand new so I’ve gotta treat ‘er nice.”

“And…she can hear you?” You question, attempting to hide your oncoming grin.

This time, he only glares at you over his shoulder. There’s a comfort in the way his eyes seem to swallow you whole.

“Okay, okay, ha, ha. I know, she’s a truck–”

“And you keep calling it a ‘she’.”

Eddie pulls back, stepping away from the engine, prompting you to do the same as you stare up at him, a smidge afraid that you might have actually offended him. A few rebellious curls frame his face, creating the vision of a princely man who in reality, was nothing of the sort. Not in the sense that he wasn’t gentlemanly, only in the sense that he didn’t care what others thought.

“What? You never heard of people calling their car a ‘she’ before?” He asks, offense barely evident in his tone. More than anything, he appears to be amused by your observation.

“No, I have. Just didn’t think you seemed like one of them.” You remark.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Again his eyebrows crinkle in the cutest fashion, lip curling ever so slightly as he brings a hand to his hip. You begin to think that no one has ever looked so good covered in grease and you’d never been attracted to the smell of oil but you could make an exception if it meant you’d get to see his features this close. Eddie was a pretty guy. And the more his colors showed, the more entranced you became.

“I dunno, nevermind.” You attempt to divert the conversation.

“No, no, you have to tell me. Please enlighten me.” He crosses his arms, a smug smirk pulling at his lips.

“No, forget it!.” You giggle.

Eddie can feel his shoulders relaxing at the sound. Can feel his tension release even if just the slightest. His eyes relax, a lazy gaze focused on you. Everything suddenly feels so…calm. As if his life wasn’t falling apart. You were like some kind of drug that made him forget how shitty things were and if it only lasted a few seconds at a time, he would gladly invest in as much as he could until he overdosed. Which to be fair, he didn’t think was possible.

“No, what do you mean? Say it with your chest, I dare you.” He nods at you, eyes showcasing that same spark you’d notice every now and then. The spark only seemed to get bigger and bigger. One day you’d hoped to see a fire ignite, a full explosion of his personality.

Biting your lip, you look at him sheepishly, doubting yourself. But something about his gaze eggs you on.

“You just…you’re all…big and bad.” You mumble, eyes finding themselves glued to the ground.

“Big and bad?” Eddie repeats.

It’s enough to have you backtracking, pathetically trying to erase your words. Your mouth opens and closes repeatedly, like a goldfish.

“See, it was stupid! I was being stupid. Just forget–”

“Why do you keep doing that?” He asks, genuine curiosity blended in his tone along with a dash of concern.

“Doing what?”

Your puzzled expression only makes his chest ache. Leaves crunch under your feet as you fidget, visually nervous. He hates that he always ends up making you uncomfortable, never able to get a grip though maybe he can blame his highschool-self. He never talked to girls and maybe if he had, he’d be having better luck right now. Who’s he kidding, maybe if he just wasn’t even himself he’d be making a lot more progress.

“Calling yourself stupid.” He mentions quietly.

No one has ever confronted your self-deprecating commentary, only ever remained silent as if to agree with you or they’d simply shift the topic. Never has someone questioned your reasoning.

“Oh…well I uh, I didn’t think I did it that often.” You begin to stutter, clearly taken back. He wishes he could rewind back to when you were bantering back and forth about his truck. He probably would’ve found another way to fuck up the conversation, even if he could go back and give himself another chance.

“But if this is because last night I wrote–” You start again, only for him to keep running his big mouth.

“A bunch of bullshit?” He states. Like it's a fact.

Your wide eyes aren’t a good sign.

“What?”

“Yeah. Bullshit.” He sounds so sure of himself.

“Oh.”

You physically seem as if you're deflating, your body closing in on itself, shoulders slumping while you take a step back. It was the opposite of what he wanted. But he could always count on himself to ruin a good thing.

“No, no! I didn’t mean it like–I didn’t mean–fuckin’ christ.” Eddie runs his clean hand down his face. “I didn’t mean it was bullshit. I meant that…I guess I meant that you shouldn’t feel like that?”

It’s quiet. Eddie knows he deserves a slap across the face, if anything. But you just continue staring at the ground, lost in thought. Moments pass and he’s starting to feel he should dismiss himself and hide forever. Forget fixing Sugar and just become a hermit.

“Why?” You whisper.

He doesn’t offer an answer, only shrugs slowly. He just kept putting nails in his own coffin.

“Don’t you…don’t you think I’m those things? Like…like there’s something wrong with me?”

Eddie steps closer, not enough to push your boundaries but still enough for you to notice. He tugs his lip in between his teeth, pulling at it anxiously while he thinks. And with his arms still crossed, one finger taps at his elbow in threes. You follow the action.

One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.

“No.” He says simply, to which your head snaps up.

Cola colored irises are awaiting you, welcoming you in a way. A softer expression falls over his face, his cherub-like features becoming enhanced.

“I don’t think you’re those things.” Eddie says confidently. “I think you’re just right.”

~end~

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morganski-19 · 4 days

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I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 16: Relocation

Apparently when I said it would be a few days late, that really meant a week late. But I'm back now.

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

Present Day, March 1987

Julie wakes up in the middle of the night. Heart racing just a bit, slowing as she readjusts. The memories from last night replay in her mind. It’s all she thinks about. Well, not all.

It’s stupid to even compare these two things. Stupid to have herself thrown back six months and feel the same way all over again. It was the last time she was thrown out of her home unexpectantly. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, it wasn’t that long ago. Her life was uprooted not that long ago.

When her mom died, and she had to move, it felt kind of like this. With a lot more tears, and a lot more pain. But the questions without answers, the spontaneity of it all. It was the same. Julie didn’t plan for it to happen this way. It just happened.

Things in her life just keep happening. But that’s how life works, isn’t it? Things happen, and no one can control it. And when they try to, it just fails anyway. There’s just a force greater than anyone can imagine making life shit for everyone. Breaking apart families, making them lose people they love.

Julie’s not a religious person. Never was. Her mom wasn’t either, not after getting pregnant. It was hard enough being a single mom, she didn’t need more dirty looks. Especially from ones who were supposed to love everyone no matter their sins. It didn’t feel that way most of the time.

If the force that took Julie’s mom away, kicked her out of her childhood home, then the house that just became home, was really all knowing and good, she didn’t believe it anymore. What about the death that’s happened in this town? Everywhere else? What about Steve? Was it really planned for parents to hate their son like this? Kick him out of his house with a bruise on his cheek. That he won’t tell her anything about.

She needs to know that the bruise isn’t because of her. Because he took her in. She can’t be the reason why he’s hurt. It would be too much. Too much that’s been caused because of her. He’s already moving, got a new job, suing his parents. Julie is the catalyst of it all. Even if she wasn’t the cause.

How much peace would Steve have without her here? How much of a disturbance did she really cause?

When they first met, and she was in that foster home, it was easy to take from him. Steve had so much that he was willing to give. Growing up in the life Julie could have had if the tables were turned. It was easy to take some of what she thought she deserved. But then she learned more about him, about his life there. It wasn’t so easy anymore. Julie started to feel like a burden.

Still feels like a burden. Steve has to hide parts of himself in his own home because of her, even though he’s not doing it very well. He had to move into a place that could accommodate her. Go through all this trouble just to keep her around. Act ten years older than he is.

Steve’s still young. Only three years older than her but acting so much older. Taking in so much responsibility as a twenty-year-old. That’s not normal. He should be out parting, meeting new people, making mistakes and learning from them. Instead, he’s stuck in a nine-to-five and coming home to provide for the sister he didn’t even know about six months ago.

Sometimes he acts more like a parent than he should. Julie doesn’t ask for much, she never really did. But it was easy for Steve to slowly fill the void that her mom left. Even if she didn’t realize she was doing it.

Her therapist has been working her through this. He was the first person who mentioned it, causing Julie to spiral. According to him, it was normal and not something that she had to change that much. Just had to realize that’s what was going on. And to make sure she wasn’t holding Steve to a standard that he couldn’t meet.

Steve wasn’t her mom. She knew that. But it was easy to mix the two up when he’s the one providing for her now. Julie didn’t want to ask for more than he could give. It seems like she might have already done that without even realizing it.

She gets up from the now partially deflated air mattress to head to the kitchen. Get a drink and try to calm her mind. One of the lamps is still on in the living room. Illuminating Steve and Eddie, still asleep. Tangled together.

Julie wants to respect Steve’s boundaries and not ask about it again. Or speculate it. But friends don’t fall asleep next to each other like this. Or act like Eddie did last night. Well, maybe Robin would have. It would have just felt more like a sibling relationship. Theirs’s didn’t. It had something more intimate to it. It was very obviously something more.

Steve just wasn’t ready, and she respected that. He just looked so at peace right now. Compared to the level of stress that he normally looked. Compared to last night. It was all gone right now. Started to dissipate as soon as Eddie got there.

Coming out and telling people about this isn’t easy. She knows that. Really knows it. For the past few weeks anyway. So, she knows that pushing them is a bad idea. Especially with the case and all of the uncertainties that surround their lives right now. Being hidden is sometimes better than being out. Definitely in this town.

With them though, with people they trust. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that it could work. They were able to share a bed here without anyone saying anything about it. And no one will say anything if they see them sharing it like this. It’s a known secret at this point.

Part of her is telling her that it’s only a secret because of her, though. Because she caused all the uncertainties of their life. It’s probably not true, but it’s how she feels.

El stirs when Julie goes back to the room. The air mattress squeaking when she sits on it.

“Julie,” El whispers in the dark, voice groggy.

“Sorry, went to get some water.”

El nods, propping herself up on her elbow when the air mattress squeaks again when Julie tries to sit down. “Did it deflate? It does that sometimes.”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“We could share my bed if you wanted to. Me and Max do it all the time, there is enough room.” El sits up, fixing the blankets.

Julie’s heartbeat picks up, she’s not sure why. It’s just El, they’re friends. Her and Mary would share a bed when they had sleepovers back in middle school. This is no different from that.

“Uh yeah, sure.”

El scoots over in the bed, making room for Julie. They lay down next to each other. El facing Julie, while Julie lies on her back. Trying not to feel El’s eyes on her. Julie forces her eyes closed and takes a deep breath, trying to feel normal about this. Because it is. This is totally normal. Why is she making this so weird?

“Can I ask you something? And you cannot be mad at me for asking it.” El asks, still whispering.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Julie really can’t explain why she’s so nervous by that question.

“Are Steve and Eddie dating?”

Julie turns her head towards El, taking a moment to realize how close they are. “They haven’t told me that they are.”

“But that does not mean they are not? They act like they are dating. Everyone keeps talking about it, it is not a secret. I think they work well together.” El stares at Julie in the dark, making her feel something but she’s not quite sure.

“Yeah, yeah I think they do too. If they are actually together. Like I said, they haven’t told me about it yet. But I do know Steve is seeing someone, just couldn’t tell me who it was. Said it was more complicated than it looked.” Julie can’t explain it, but the words keep pouring out of her mouth without her telling them to. She should have stopped speaking way before she did.

El smiles. “I like it when people from our group start dating. Max says it makes more problems, but I think it is sweet. How they found each other through all of the bad that happened.” She makes a face of realization. “Forget what I said, nothing bad happened. Just meeting each other like normal people do. In school. Yeah, we all met in school.”

“Something bad happened?”

If that’s true, a lot of things would start to make sense. Why Steve jumps every time the light flickers or there’s a loud thud. Sometimes when the thunder hits just right. Why Julie has woken up to what seems like a scream but gets told it was nothing the next morning. Why Eddie or Robin magically shows up in the mornings when they weren’t here the night before. Hovering over Steve, either with a scared look in their eye or checking to make sure he’s ok.

Some of the kids do it to. Have some scars that seem a bit too suspicious. More than just a normal injury.

The weird that has been happening in Hawkins these past four years replay in her mind. Connecting dots as fast as she can, trying to make connections. On the surface, there’s nothing there. Except for the fact that this was a peaceful town before four years ago. Each year continuing to get worse and worse. Until last spring scared out half the town’s population.

After what Julie saw that fourth of July, she knew that something was off. Witnessing people walk to their deaths, knowing that they didn’t go to the mall by choice. There was something weird with Hawkins. Maybe El knew about it too? Maybe they all knew about it?

“Well, yeah, there was an earthquake. And the mall fire before that. Bad things happened.” El turns her head, looking at the ceiling.

“I knew about that, obviously. But that’s not all that happened, right? I mean, none of the surrounding areas felt it, and if the ground cracked, they should have. And the fire, I saw some of the people going there that night.” It feels weird to admit that to someone else. But it gets El to turn her head and look at Julie again. “I couldn’t get them to stop moving.”

El’s brows knit together. “I did not know other people saw them go there.”

“It was really scary. I didn’t know until the next morning, but they were walking to their death. There were some people in the crowd that I knew, so I recognized their names when the missing person reports and the obituaries. No matter what I did, it was like they couldn’t hear me, and just kept walking. Like they were possessed.”

El reaches across the small gap between them and grabs Julie’s hand. Making Julie’s fingers feel colder than they were, as they suddenly fill with warmth. She squeezes Julie’s hand, holding it close. “There was more to that night. More that I cannot tell you. I wish I could, but you are better off not knowing. But I am so sorry that you saw a little bit that was happening. And very happy that it did not get to you too.”

“That what didn’t get to me?” Julie turns on her side, fully facing El.

“It is safer for you not to know. Please trust me. Friends don’t lie.”

There is a seriousness in El’s eyes that ages her five years. Suddenly turning her into a brave soldier, instead of just a kid. Julie’s eyes trace her face, reading the fear mixed with experience resting in her muscles. Molded instead of out of place. This isn’t a new expression for El. Somewhere, that breaks Julie.

“Ok, I believe you,” Julie says, ready to change the subject. To see that look melt off of El’s face, hoping to never see it again. Instead, she yawns.

“It is late, we should go to sleep. There is a lot you probably have to do tomorrow. Or today, what time is it?”

Julie shrugs, not wanting to turn to see the clock on the bedside table. “Didn’t look at it when I got up.”

El releases Julie’s hand, making it feel cold again. She pulls the sheets tight around her. “Goodnight.”

“Night.” Julie’s eyes stay open as El’s close, watching as she starts to fall asleep again. She eventually forces her eyes to close, tries to get sleep to come. It doesn’t. Not for a while at least.

There’s something weird with her, mixed with everything else she was already feeling that night. Part of her knows what it is, but she doesn’t want to admit it.

. . .

When Steve looks in the mirror the next morning, he has to relive the fact that the events of the previous night actually happened. That instead of just a normal night stayed at the Byers, it was because he was kicked out of his childhood home. Not because he left on his own accord. Even if he was the one to slam the door behind him.

Just because he was planning to leave, doesn’t mean he was planning to leave like this. With a nice bruise formed above his cheekbone and dried blood on his lip. Bags filled with the rest of his and Julie’s belongings in the living room. The rest in boxes scattered in different locations. Somethings still left behind. Things he’s never getting back.

His mind races to anything left in his car that could come back to bite him. It’s empty, for the most part. Steve knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep the car, it still had his dad’s name on it. It’s why he couldn’t sell it when he was saving up money. The trunk was empty, the baseball bat that would have certainly raised questions in another location. The glove compartment had nothing in it but snacks and a first aid kit. Normal things. The pictures on his sun visor were gone.

He was safe. Why didn’t he feel safe.

This feeling is something Steve knows more than he should. Adrenaline flooding his veins, making him be alert when he just needs to rest. Constricting his chest, making his breaths short and shallow. Counting in for four does nothing when he can only make it to two before his lungs feel like bursting. His muscles tense at every sound, every movement. Pulling him into the ready position. Ready for the next monster to burst through the wall.

There’s a knock at the door, making him jump. Chest thumping with the fast beat of his heart.

“Steve, sweetie,” Joyce’s voice comes through the door. “Breakfast is ready whenever you are.”

Somehow, that breaks Steve out of the spell he was in, realizing the white of his knuckles as they gripped the sink. He lets go, feeling relief. “Ok, I’ll be out in a second.”

He forces a deep breath into his lungs, shutting his eyes so he can’t see his reflection again. Things need to happen today. He needed to get things done today. The Byers are kind enough not to kick them out, but he can’t expect them to let them stay for more than a day or two.

Tomorrow Sarah is going to tell her higherups that they were kicked out. Let them decide if Julie needs to be moved again. Strip away the home that they’ve been building for the past few months. Making Steve have to start over all over again. He can’t start over again.

So these feelings, this churn in his stomach, they can’t stay. After the door closes behind him, so does the chest holding everything in. There will be a time where he can process all that happened, why he’s feeling like this. But now is not that time.

Maybe never will be the time.

When Steve sits down at the table, he’s hyperaware on the way he’s acting. Making sure his posture is the same as it always is. Unbothered, relaxed. When nothing is relaxed. He smiles at Joyce when she brings him a plate, thanking her. Makes conversation with them, greets Will when he gets back from Mike’s. Acts perfectly normal. To most of them at least.

Julie stares at him from a few spots down. Waiting for him to mention anything from the previous night. Eddie reaches under the table to squeeze his thigh, silently asking if he’s alright. Steve brushes it off, insisting that he’s fine.

Because he is fine, why wouldn’t he be?

After breakfast he makes some calls. Somehow, the papers were filed faster than he thought and he’s able to pick up the keys tomorrow morning. Just in time. He changes his contact information with a few places, making a mental note to do it at work his next shift.

Then, he just sits. Feeling unfamiliar in his body. Trying so hard to release the tension that feels sewn into his muscles. Wondering if he breathes deep enough, it will pressure his heart to stop jumping at every motion. Every sound. Stop his mind from racing between synapses without purpose. Snapping to snapshots of moments he’d rather not remember.

The face of his father as he yelled. The disappointment in his mother’s glare. The pain in both their smiles, perfectly molded for photographs. But one look in real life shows the cracks in their composure. They never smiled at him with true intentions, just to keep up the mask.

Memories he’s repressed all come flooding back. Screams of his parents fighting. Hands sore from how hard they clutch his knees to his chest. Hiding away, thinking that it would stop them. That if he went far enough away, he wouldn’t hear them anymore.

That was accomplished. He finally ran away. Somewhere not that far, but they won’t care enough to come find. He should be happy.

Every time Steve thinks that his parents don’t have any hold of him anymore, something happens. Smacks him just right across the face as a little reminder that he is nothing more than a product of them. Something for them to sculp into the perfect accessory. To look at but never really love.

It hurts. Scars on the outside are gruesome, but it is the ones lashed into his heart that sting. Dark in the night, when the silence creeps into his ears, reminding him of every wrong he’s ever done. Of the disappointment that he truly is.

Robin said something to him once that made him put things into perspective. Life is what changes people, makes them who they really are. It is the people that choose to stay that make the impact. The deciding factor. Back then, those words made him feel some sort of peace.

Now, it’s pulling him down to the same question that’s plagued his mind for years. Maybe his entire life. Why wasn’t he enough for them to stay?

Why is he enough for anyone to stay?

Sometime later, he’s not exactly sure, Eddie moves from beside him. Standing in front of Steve with his hand outstretched, waiting for him to take it.

“Come on,” he says. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Steve takes it, gripping it harder than he should. The familiarity giving him some peace of mind. Making the train stop in its tracks for a moment. Before it starts moving again.

“Woods or street?” Eddie asks when they get outside.

“Woods,” Steve finds himself saying. He won’t have to let go of Eddie’s hand if they are in the woods.

Eddie nods, leading Steve around the house and into the woods. Walking forward without direction. The same way he walked straight into Steve’s heart. Nothing was planned, it just happened. Even when Steve does plan things, it doesn’t stop anything else from happening.

“You want to tell me what’s been keeping you in your head all day?”

Steve knows that he doesn’t mean it to be pushy, but the words come off that way. No matter how softly they are said. Steve just shakes his head no.

Eddie nods again, letting them walk in silence. Just keep walking.

So many things have happened in these woods. Fights, searches. Life. Growth. In some ways, everything started here for Steve. One event that took place in these woods changing the course of his life forever. For the better, he says most of the time. But was it really for the better?

If it weren’t for monsters lurking in these woods, Steve would be the person he was four years ago. Young and stupid. Not knowing much about the world around him, but that didn’t matter. His brain was healthy, his ears worked right, and his eyesight wasn’t as blurry. His mind was anxious about normal things, like college, and grades, rather than something lurking the dark ready to kill him. Take the people he loves away from him. It never happened directly to him, yet he still feared it.

His torso wasn’t littered with scars that made him wince when he looked at himself in the mirror. There wouldn’t be a scar around his neck that made people do a double take. Blood wouldn’t rush at the flickers of lights and clashes of thunder. He would be able to enjoy looking at fireworks again, or a roaring campfire.

Life would be simpler. It would be different. Maybe then, he would have gotten into college. Made his dad proud for once. Be on the path to greatness just like he was supposed to. With a sports scholarship under his belt that he didn’t really need, but it didn’t hurt.

Maybe then he would have finally been enough.

A tear rolls down Steve’s cheek without him realizing it. Years of unprocessed trauma resting behind the gates. No matter how many tears were shed, it’s never enough to heal the wounds. All of his wounds.

At the end of all of it, Steve’s tired. Tired of the what ifs and endless possibilities. Tired of fighting with everything including his own thoughts. Beating back self-deprecation until it fights back enough to knock him out for a while. Wondering what life could have been if he walked away when he had the chance. He’s the only one who was ever really given that chance.

The kids lost their friend, so did Nancy. Joyce lost a son. Jonathan lost a brother. Hopper had a job to do. Max, even if she had a choice in the beginning, would have always been wrapped up into this because of Billy. Robin just wanted to help Steve and Dustin solve a puzzle. Eddie saw people die before his eyes. El was made for this.

Steve, he had a choice to make. Leave or go back into the house and fight for something that was worth it. Somehow, Steve always ends up fighting. Did he really want to this time? The damage was done, he didn’t want their money. What was the point of all of this really? To settle some score? Prove who the bigger man was?

Eddie stops them when they get to a small clearing, pulling Steve into a hug. Holding him close with a deep breath, making Steve do the same.

“I don’t know what your head’s been telling you, but you should know it’s not true. Whatever it is.”

Steve sighs. “I’m just so tired. I don’t even know why I’m fighting with them anymore.”

There’s a rustle a few feet away, paired with whispered swears. Robin comes into view, half tripping over a stray branch. “You guys really had to go wandering through the woods with nothing to communicate with. And you couldn’t have waited for me to get there first.”

Steve snorts. “I didn’t even know you were coming over.”

She walks over to them. “Yeah well, when your best friend gets kicked out, says he’ll call you the next morning, and then doesn’t, you start to worry. Your head being a bitch to you again?”

“Sort of.”

“Alright then, make room for me in this hug. Don’t make it weird, please.” She forces her way underneath Steve and Eddie’s arms to hug the both of them. Making a sort of triangle. Steve’s suddenly really glad that she’s here.

A breath releases from Steve. One filled with relief. Finally releasing the band around his chest. More tears sneak out of his eyes as his body finally relaxes. The adrenaline fading, reality sinking in. Weight returning to where it rests on his shoulders. The expected freedom is nowhere to be seen.

The reality is crushing him.

A choked sob causes Eddie and Robin to hold him tighter. As tight as they can in this configuration. Steve doesn’t know what he did to deserve these two. Doesn’t know how he got them to stay. But as everything came crashing down around him, they’re still here. He has barely anything to his name. Just a small house with a large loan, a shitty retail job, and a whole bunch of traumas that follows him around. But instead of running, they’re still here. They stayed with him.

Somehow, Steve is now on the ground. Wiping away tears as Robin rubs his back. As Eddie holds his hand. He feels the need to apologize but knows that they’ll yell at him for it. Still, the words rest on his tongue. But he stays silent, focusing on his breathing. Calming himself down.

“Feel better?” Robin asks softly. “It looked like the floodgates were pushed open.”

Steve lets out a wet laugh. “They kind of did. I think everything just came out at once.”

“Yeah, well, you went through a lot yesterday.” Eddie rakes a hand through Steve’s hair, getting it out of his face. “It has to come out somehow.”

Robin makes a small gasp. Probably finally seeing Steve’s face unobstructed. She looks towards Eddie, getting confirmation with a small nod. “Is there anything you wanted to talk about in particular, or none of it at all? Want me to tell you about something random just so your mind can shut up?”

“I feel.” Steve pauses to find the words. “I feel like I’m always fighting. Whether it’s the upside down shit, or myself, or my parents, it’s always a fight. I kind of just want to stop it all. And this case, it’s solid but is it worth it if I’m just going to feel like shit all over again?”

“This was always because you wanted to do it, but if you don’t want to do it anymore, you don’t have to,” Robin assures.

Steve picks at the grass. “I don’t know anymore.”

“You can always think about it. There’s time to back out of this, the court date hasn’t even been set yet.” Eddie shifts to sit next to Steve, wrapping an arm around his back.

Robin sits on the other side of him, leaning against his side. “Yeah. Fight, no fight. You still got us to go through it with you. Just take one step at a time.”

“My next step is finding beds for us to sleep in. I get the keys tomorrow and we need to move in kind of immediately.”

“Trip to the thrift store,” Robin gasps. “I love the thrift store.”

“Which one, the one on Mulberry next to the Laundromat or center of town?” Eddie asks.

Robin fake gags. “Not the one on Mulberry, the owner creeps me out. The one in the center of town, it has really good stuff.”

“Yeah, only after you search for four hours,” Steve snorts. “How long did it take you to find, ‘the right sweater,’” he mimics.

“That’s irrelevant. Seriously though, are we going? It might not have the best stuff, but you won’t be sleeping on air mattresses.”

“Maybe in a bit. I just want to sit here for a while longer.”

Eddie presses a kiss to the side of Steve’s head. “As long as you need.”

Steve kind of wishes that they could stay there for the rest of the day. Hidden from the rest of the world by the trees, listening to the calmness around them. But he has things to do. He doesn’t have to do them alone this time.

. . .

The next morning, Steve and Eddie are gone when Julie wakes up. Joyce says they have to go pick up some things and will be back around lunchtime. When they come back, everyone gets into their cars to go pick up some boxes. Boxes from the Byers’, Henderson’s, Munson’s and Buckley’s all being loaded into cars and brought over to the knew house.

Their new house.

Julie sees all the madness happening around her, as the boxes get brought and placed on the mismatched furniture Steve scrambled to get yesterday and this morning. Wondering if moving is always like this. Bare walls and empty rooms. Nothing but belongings packed in boxes and empty dressers, cabinets, drawers. All waiting to be filled. Waiting for a house to be made into a home.

Moving was something Julie never experienced until a year ago. And it wasn’t happy then. Just a reminder that she had to leave the place she grew up in without a choice. Without the person who always made her feel safe. It was all stripped away too soon.

Then the next place that gave her a bed to sleep in was terrible. Making sleeping on a park bench in the cold much better than sleeping in a bed. Until Steve offered for her to stay, and she took it. Finding something that could resemble the home she once knew. It was close, but never just quite right.

This place, it was everything that her mom ever wanted. The purpose of fruitless savings jars. Counting every penny from tips and saving everything that they didn’t need for bills. Only for it to get lost anyway, either from her mom’s vices or her boyfriend stealing it all.

But here, now, it’s almost like Julie can still feel her mom’s presence in this house. Feel a presence watching her every move. Smiling as the room slowly becomes hers. As this place becomes Julie’s knew home. It doesn’t feel so empty anymore.

Maybe this is how it’s always going to be from now on. The little twinge in her heart making her think of her mom. See her in all the little things around her. Making it all feel bittersweet. She’s still here, even if it’s not in the same house they lived in. Even if she isn’t here anymore. Julie will always have her mom.

Unpacking is chaotic. There’re too many people and everyone keeps putting things away without asking where either of them wants them. Just to get them out of the boxes. That won’t make it easier when they have to rearrange everything later. But things are better sitting inside of cabinets so they can use the counters to place more boxes. Things have to move so they don’t get stuck.

Luckily for her, Julie can just focus on her room. Steve found an old bedframe at a thrift store that got set up in her room and an old dresser that squeaks when you open the drawers, if they open at all. It’s fine for now, and it can be fixed. A lot of these things can be fixed. The only new thing in her room is the mattress, because apparently Robin insisted that they get a new one because of all the bugs that can live in there.

El’s there helping her unpack. Brought a few things for some decorations too since Julie lost some of the decorations in her room. For the second time now. But now there’s some photos on the wall of the group together, and a few movie and band posters. It’s not quite right yet, but it’s getting there.

A few hours later, the Byers’ leave, and Steve and Eddie go get some pizza. Leaving Julie and Robin to unpack the last of the boxes and set up a folding table and some chairs for them to eat on.

“Could I ask you a weird question?” There’s been something gnawing in Julie’s mind for a few days now, making her feel weird. Something she really doesn’t know how to put into words or ask Steve about. But Robin would know.

“Yeah sure,” Robin says while snapping open a folding chair.

Julie picks at the skin around her thumbs. “How did you know you were a lesbian? Like, that you liked girls?”

Robin freezes in shock, before relaxing with a small smile. “I’d say this is a couch kind of conversation, but we don’t have one yet, so how about the floor?”

“Floor’s fine.”

They sit down in the makeshift pile of pillows and blankets that’s acting as a couch. Julie staring down at her hands, nervous. She’s been feeling weird for a while now, and kind of knows why. But there are questions she can’t answer. Feelings she doesn’t want to believe are true.

“So, to answer your question, I think a part of me always knew I liked girls. When I was really young, I might have not realized that is what it was. And when all the other girls were talking about their crushes in elementary and middle school, I would just think they were so weird because boys were gross. I didn’t like boys the way that they liked boys. It wasn’t until middle school that I realized that I thought about girls the way other girls thought about boys.”

“Oh,” is all Julie can say.

Robin nods. “Yeah, that’s kinda when all the pieces clicked into place. After that, it was the denial and the trying to get it away. Act like everyone else did. But it never went away. I kept getting crushes on girls and was a total mess around them. Over time, I accepted it. Embraced it. As much as I could in this town. Now, I’m really proud of the person I am and have an amazing girlfriend. It’s who I am.”

“And you never felt weird about any of it? Like, something was different, and you just couldn’t figure out what it was.”

She remembers the feeling that she had two nights ago. When her and El talked in the middle of the night. How things just kept happening, and she felt so weird. Something was off.

Some of the things Robin said were true. Julie never really had a crush on any boys. On anyone, really. Sometimes, she would lie and just say she had a crush on a random guy in her class. Just to fake normalcy. When really, none of the boys ever caught her eye. What did, she never said aloud.

But it was a trend that she couldn’t ignore anymore. How girls would walk down the hall and Julie would find herself turning her head. Lying and just saying she liked their outfit. It wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t exactly the truth. And then there would be the continuous thoughts of someone in her class that would never go away. No matter how hard she tried. And she tried. So hard.

Julie was already the daughter of a single mother that drank her problems instead of dealing with them. No father, no money, nothing. She didn’t need to be the weird kid that liked girls too. So she wasn’t. Until she was.

The pieces clicked, just like Robin said they did. They did a while ago. But like a lot of things, Julie pushed them away to be dealt with later. There was so much more to worry about. Get angry about. She didn’t need to get angry at herself too.

Looking back now, Julie did have crushes. Ones that didn’t make much sense in her young mind, or ones that she just shoved off thinking it was jealousy. It was easier to pretend it didn’t exist rather than face the music. But when asked if she had a crush on someone, it was always a girl’s name that rested on the tip of her tongue that she swallowed down and forgot.

Robin lets out a small laugh. “All the damn time. I think mainly before I accepted it all.” After a break of silence, Robin asks, “Are you feeling a bit weird?”

Julie nods, pulling her knees close to her chest. “For a while now. But my life was so full of so many other things that it was easy for me to ignore it. It’s not so easy to ignore anymore.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Robin sighs.

“And I just,” Julie struggles to find the words. “If what I’m feeling is what I think it is, I just don’t want to screw up what I have.”

Robin takes a deep breath. “Did Steve ever tell you how we became friends?”

Julie shakes her head.

“Well, the story is really long and complicated, and there’s things that I can’t really share. But the short of it all is that we worked together at an ice cream shop called Scoops Ahoy back when the mall was still standing.”

“I remember that place, those outfits were terrible.”

Robin laughs. “Yeah, they were. But that’s how we met. We really became friends while hiding out in a bathroom and I told him I had a crush on a girl named Tammy Thompson. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t know how he was going to react, especially since it was also a rejection. But he took it like a champ and made me feel comfortable with someone knowing this big secret I’ve kept for years. And now he’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Was it hard?”

“It was and it wasn’t. Telling anyone in this town about being queer is hard, because you don’t really know how they’re going to react. Hell, most of the town has Reagan signs out on their lawns. So that made it hard. But it was also really easy. The thing about Steve is he’s really caring and accepting about the people he cares about. He wasn’t always, at least it didn’t seem like it. But somehow, he grew up and became the person we both know and love. He might joke and be bitchy sometimes, but deep down, he cares more than he’d like to admit.”

Julie smiles. “Yeah, I know.”

“There were a few other people that were easy to tell too,” Robin continues. “Eddie, obviously. You and Dustin in the car. And Nancy, which was harder for a different reason.”

Julie stays quiet, patiently listening.

“It was different with Nancy because I had the worst, biggest, ginormous crush on her when I told her. I needed to know that she was ok with this part of me before I could even think of telling her about it. It was just as scary as you think it was. But after those words left my mouth, Nancy just smiled and gave me a hug, and the biggest weight was off my chest. Few months later, I had the courage to tell her how I really felt, and then we started dating.”

“You guys were friends before you started dating right?”

Robin nods. “I was so scared that she wouldn’t like me back, and I would ruin everything.”

Julie nods, letting the words sink in. She’s not alone in this. “I’m kind of there right now, I think. Actually, I’m not really sure. Just. Something happened and it made me feel really weird, but I can’t tell if it’s because of the other things happening in my life or if it is a crush.”

“And this crush, if that is what it is, is that about a girl?” Robin asks softly. “You don’t have to tell me, of course. Only if you want to.”

She takes a second before nodding. “Yeah,” Julie whispers. “Yeah, it’s about a girl.”

Saying it out loud makes it all real. Heart dropping to her stomach as her breathing increases. This was real. She was like this. Nerves fill her, making her want to cry. Some part out of relief, the rest out of panic. There was no coming back from it now.

Robin notices her change in demeanor, scooting closer and placing a hand on Julie’s shoulder.

“Fuck,” Julie whispers into her knees.

“Yeah, that’s kind of how it went for me too.”

Tears start to well up in Julie’s eyes. Today’s already been a lot, now this. She feels arms wrap around her, holding her together. If Robin can do this, like girls and be happy, Julie can too. It’s just so much right now.

The keys jingle in the door before it creaks open. Julie pulls her head out of her knees and wipes her eyes. Robin shifts a little away from her. Both of them trying to act normal.

“Pizza’s here,” Steve says as he places it on the makeshift kitchen table. He looks at Julie, before turning his head to Robin. Julie doesn’t know what she does, but Steve just nods and doesn’t say anything.

That night, Julie sleeps in her new room. The unfamiliarity of it all freaking her out a bit. She’ll get used to it eventually.

The confession from earlier still weighs in her mind. Only one face finding her mind when she closes her eyes.

. . .

March 1986

In the middle of the night, the trailer starts rattling. Glasses clanking together in the kitchen, books falling off of Julie’s shelves. A large clash comes from the living room, followed by a string of loud swears. Julie jumps out of bed, stumbling down the hall. The floor shaking beneath her feet.

This has never happened before. Sure, the trailer sometimes shook during a thunderstorm. But never like this. This was so different.

“Mom,” she calls out.

Her mom stands from the floor. “Stay right there. Don’t move.”

Julie looks at the kitchen, glass covering the floor. The living room is a mess, tv lying flat on the floor, decorations fallen off of tables and shelves. Rebecca pulls Julie into the bathroom, holding her under the doorway.

“What’s going on?” Julie asks frantically.

“I don’t know,” her mom responds. Trying to stay calm but the fear can’t be hidden in her words.

Just as it started, everything stops. An eerie silence fills the trailer for a few minutes. Until doors start to open, and screams come from outside. Rebecca grabs a flashlight and puts on her shoes.

“Stay in here ok, we don’t know what’s going on outside.” She leaves Julie alone in the trailer.

Julie’s heart thumps in her chest as she tries to control her breathing. What just happened? An earthquake? There were almost never earthquakes here. And if there were, it was just the remnants of one from farther away. What could have shaken the trailer so hard it forced cabinets open and made a mess of the floor.

Stepping carefully, Julie heads to the front door to put on her shoes. So, she doesn’t accidentally step on some glass. Stepping on the couch, she opens the window to look outside. Gasping at the scene in front of her.

The earth was split in a mound of broken gravel and dirt that seemed to spread for miles. Trailers split in two, dead being pulled out of the rubble. People frantically rushing around, trying to grab what they can and help who needs it. Sirens blare in the distance, some speeding right past the trailer park, some pulling in. Ambulances filled one after the other and more pass in both directions on the main street.

Julie opens the door and steps on to the creaky porch. More of the boards broken than normal.

“Max,” Mrs. Mayfield screams into the night. “Max, where are you?”

Julie sees her mom run over to her. “Susan. Susan, calm down.”

“I don’t know where she is.”

Julie hasn’t seen Max in days. Having left with some friends to hang out with over the break. She hasn’t been here. Unless she was part of the group that stole that RV. Julie could have sworn it was her.

Rebecca brings Susan into the house, ushering Julie back inside. Somehow makes some tea in the kitchen. Using one of the few mugs that don’t have cracks in them. Trying to keep calm away from the chaos happening outside.

In the morning, the news stories flood in. Streets split down the middle with destruction. Half of the houses pristine while the others are unrecognizable. All meeting at the town hall, marking the town with an “X”. Warning all who enter.

Then the people start to leave. Those without homes, those with. All packing up their minivans and cars with what they deem most important. Leaving the rest to be labeled as abandoned. The high school becomes a shelter. Full of donations and people the hospital doesn’t have a bed for.

Explanations are given but they don’t answer questions. People are found while others stay missing. First responders search through rubble, slowly crossing names off a list. The graveyards get their new residents by the dozen.

Hawkins becomes something of a ghost town.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther,

#stranger things #stranger things au #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #julie lawson #el hopper #joyce byers #steddie #long lost/secret sibling #secret sibling au #i don't know which ways home fic

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just-an-anon-reader · 1 year

Note

Well, hello there dear author! ^^

I wanted to ask for a platonic request with all the boys (Rise!Donie, Rise!Raph, Rise!Mike and Rise!Leo) in wich reader is an early teenage girl (12-13-14) that lives with the gang at their place and that has very bad trust issues, like, she is kind and willing to spend time with the boys but rarely talks and never lets anyone touch her if it's not strictly necesary.

And one day, all of a sudden when Leo went to her room to wake her up and tell her that breakfast is ready he finds her still sleeping but having a really bad nightmare. Leo wakes her up and tries to calm her down by words but then the reader gets up of bed and tackles him into a hug while crying on his chest.

And she becomes slightly clingy to Leo anly talking to him and him being the only ine allowed to touch her.

And while he presumes to his brothers that you choose him and not the other's on who to trust the rest of the rottmnt brothers are like "From all of the four, you chossed him-? Like- really (y/n)?"

Feel free to Ignore this request if you feel the need to! And also don't forget to sleep a good amount of hours, eat well and stay hydrated! ^^

Trust Us

Summary: You were abandoned. You were unloved and unwanted. So when Splinter found you and added you to the family six years ago, the fear and anxiety that filled you then, still fills you now.

Warning: A bit of angst, topics of trauma and anxiety attacks.

P.S: Wow! I never thought someone would actually want me to write their ideas. Like hOw?? But thank you for requesting! This was so fun to write and I hope I did your idea justice~

Somehow, someway, Splinter found you. A young five-year-old girl, lost. You were left unloved and unwanted. And yet, for reasons he hasn't fully explained to you, he took you in. He gave you a home and loved you as he did with his sons. He made you a Hamato. And that's how you now find yourself on the side of a ramp that's too high to be safe, quietly cheering on as the teenage turtles fought for the longest who could stay in the air without falling on their turtle butts. It's been six years since that day, and you've always been grateful to your adoptive family. Yet despite that, no matter how much you loved them, you couldn't find it in yourself to open up to them. To tell them about the fears that have buried themselves deep inside your heart, or about the uncertainties that plagued you every single day. You didn't know what you needed for you to come out to them. Maybe it was time, but you've had plenty already. Maybe, it was for someone to approach you, not like the turtles or Splinter didn't try. They really did at first, quite obnoxiously at that. But over time, they learned to wait for you, and they respected that. You wanted to tell them, shout it out even. But time and time again, you can feel yourself sink back into the loneliness that had never once left you since that day six years ago.

It was a slow Friday. There was no mutant who needed stopping or oozequitoes that needed zapping. Today's itinerary? Sleep in, game, snack, and sleep some more. For the turtles anyway. You were usually the early riser of the gang. So imagine Leo's surprise when he woke up at 9:30 to an ominously silent lair. Mostly anyway, Splinter's snores could still be heard loud and clear.

"Maybe she's turning a new leaf." Leo thought to himself, shrugging as he made his way to the kitchen.

The only reason he woke up was because of his demanding stomach. It needed nutrients. And what could be more nutritious than pizza on a slow Friday? Finding some leftover pizza, which were surprisingly left untouched, he threw them into the microwave setting it at high heat for three minutes. It was already quarter to ten and you still weren't up. Worried, Leo grabbed and plated the last two slices of his double leftover and slightly burnt pizza, and walked towards your room.

"Heya~ I got you some leftover pizza. They're a bit burnt, but I think the bitter aftertaste adds to the flavor."

No response. He tried again, knocking on the door this time. Again, no response. Maybe you weren't in your room. He presses his head to your door and is shocked to hear painful groaning from behind it.

"I don't know what going on in there, but I'm coming in."

Turning the knob and finding the door unlocked, he rushed in to see you writhing in bed. Beads of sweat dripped from your forehead as your face contorted to one of pain and your eyes were screwed shut. Leo realized you were dreaming. Not exactly a pleasant dream, but a horrible nightmare. He rushed to your side, the food he brought forgotten on the floor. He went to shake you awake but stopped midway. You didn’t like to be touched. You hated it. And so, he tried calling out your name, telling you to wake up, and borderline shouting at this point. But you didn't and instead, you started to struggle much worse. You tossed and turned in your sheets as the frown on your face deepened. He had no other choice. Gently he placed his hands on your shoulders and began shaking you awake.

"Hey! Come on! Wake up! It's just a dream!"

You suddenly jolted up, forcing Leo to back up, or else it would've been a direct forehead collision. He quickly let go of your shoulders, raising them as if saying that he didn't mean to touch you.

"I-"

Whatever it was that he was going to say you didn't hear. Much to his surprise, you rushed to embrace him. Arms wrapped tightly around his mid-section as fat tears rolled down your face and stained his blue-striped pajamas. Unsure of what to do, he slowly returned his raised hands to your shoulders and rubbed them comfortingly. When you didn't flinch away from his touch, he gently wrapped his arms around your sobbing form and embraced you, shushing you and cooing out words of comfort. For a while, you both stayed like that. In between your sobs, you told him about your dream, about the fears that ate you from inside, and the never-ending anxiety that plagued you day in and day out. Leo silently embraced you, humming now and then to let you know to keep going and that he was still listening to you. Finally, erratic breathing slowed and you softly whispered, "I'm sorry."

"There is nothing for you to be sorry about. Just glad you trusted me enough to tell me. Come on now, give me a smile."

Hand on your chin, Leo pulled your face from the crook of his neck and smiled down at you, and smiled back. It was probably your ugliest smile with tear stains down your cheek and snot dripping from your nose. But, to be honest, you've never felt so free of the weight that used to crush you.

Since that night, you and Leo have undeniably become closer. They noticed. Who wouldn't though? You spoke to Leo more by at least 545 words, according to Donnie's calculations. And every time Leo would see you lose yourself in your mind, he would sit beside you and nudge your shoulder. The most surprising part was that you would lean towards him instead of flinching at the touch. At some point, Raph couldn't take it anymore and said, "Really? Like really? Of the four of us, it was Leo? Not like I'm jealous or anything, but Leo, really?"

#rottmnt leo x reader #platonic #rottmnt leo #rise!leo #this was a lot more angsty than what I usually write #this was a lot of fun to write tho

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ywpd-translations · 2 years

Text

Ride 693: Looking for “god”

Pag 1

1: Three days after the entrance ceremony

2: Fufufu

Senpai!!

I look forward to today's field trip!

Let's go together!

3: I'll call him the “Back-gate-slope senpai”!!

4: The senpai who saved me on the backgate slope

With the pretty smile and soft and kind attitude!!

5: I don't know what club he's in, but I'll join his same club for the next three years, teh!!

6: Today is the day to visit the clubs and see their activities!

7: I have a rough idea, teh

His appearance and mood gave me a hunch, teh!!

Pag 2

1: I'll join the shogi club!!

He's probably in the... shogi club, teh!!

I'm... a year from class 4....

Pag 3

1: Where are you going?

I'm going to the volleyball club at 15:30

And there's the archery club, too

4: It's not him

5: Not him

6: not him

7: Ah- ah, uhm...

Is there a.... small senpai... with round glasses? ….. no?

8: Me?

10: Sorry, I take it back, teh!!

Huh-

So quickly!?

Pag 4

1: Uuuhm.... !?

That's weird- even though it rang a bell for me....

This is bad... I even told Kei-chan...

2: You're looking for that senpai!? On your own!?

Yeah

You don't even know what grade he's in, or his name, right!?

Ye.... yeah

Roku-chan!!

They're scolding him....?

3: I'll help you!!

I'll do it!!

5: It's alright!! I have a lead!!

6: I exaggerated too much....

Teh... I should have accepted his help...

7: No no no, I'll do it alone, it's alright!!

I'm an high school student now, so I can't always rely on Kei-chan!!

Yeah, it's alright, let's say it out loud

Pag 5

1: It's alright!!

2: Ah.....

3: What?

Whois he talking to?

It's alright?

4: Oh shoot...!!

Ahhhhh

Pag 6

1: I surprised myself...

Waaaa

2: Yes, I'll get it right next time, it's alright!! I have like two other options, teh!!

3: Science club

I'll join the science club!!

4: No, sorry, right now all six members are girls

Ah, is that so, sorry then

5: Computers club

Pag 7

1: Uh.....

I'm already at a dead end....

2: Next

What could it be...? The newspaper club...?

3: The flowers club? The fashion club?

Is he in an unexpected club....?

4: Maybe!!

5: It's a shame

He's not

Thank you

6: What should I dooo

Pag 8

1: B- bikes!!

2: That's right

I should check the bikes

3: His bikes had a peculiar sticker attached to it

5: I remember the colour and the shape!! The from the registration card attached to the bike I can find out the grade and the class, teh!!

This school has three parking areas for bicycles!!

If I search in all of them....!! I'm a genius, teh!!

Pag 9

1: Since earlier... people have been saying that there's a weird first year in the bicycles parking areas looking for something

Yeah

2: I saw him staring at the back of my bike

I wonder what is he looking for

3: Is that alright? There's your city bike

Today?

4: I just came here with my road bike!!

5: Speaking of, about the club activities' visit, Naruko-kun said.... “Onoda-kun has to use the rollers too”

Sugimoto-kun, too

That's fine, you can do it

But before the first years..... I'm not confident...

Pag 10

1: The “go-home club*”.....?

(NdT.: a person who's not a member of any club)

2: I... guess

I looked everywhere and I didn't find him

The parking areas for bikes....

3: I should go home....

Pag 11

1: The Back-gate-slope senpai isn't in any club....?

3: After all of that....

4: I thought.... I had found my goal....

Pag 12

1: I don't know what I wanto to do

Or what my dream is

Or what job I want to do

2: They told me to find it fast

3: I'd say that anything is good, but it isn't

4: But

5: But three days ago, that person guided me

And supported me

Pag 13

1: If I could … follow that senpai

2: Maybe....

When I went back home that day

3: I stayed up all night to memorize the rules of shogi....

4: Hehe

It turned out to be useless

I'm such an idiot....

6: Amazing!

Woah!

Pag 14

1: Ohhhh

2: Amazing!

They're so good!

What is it

3: Ahh, they're doing something to introduce the club for the club activities' visit...

I guess it's a sport club and they're doing a flashy performance?

4: I wonder what club it is

6: The big third year got off...

In his place now

7: A small guy is going

He's so short though, can he do it?

8: Idiot, don't you kno who he is?

Huh!?

That guy is the two times champion!!

Pag 15

1: Huuh!? That guy!?

Eh.... Two times champion? I heard so

I wonder.... who it is

2: Is he an amazing person?

Amazing!!

He won the Inter High two times in a row!!

4: Ehhh... not just in the prefecture, but the whole country...? Amazing

I wonder what kind of person he is

5: But I'm sure it must be an unapproachable scary person

Pag 18

1: Back-gate-slope senpai!!

2: There he is!!

3: I can't believe it, I found him

4: What club it is

He's riding a bike!!

5: Noow we'll raise the pace even more

Look, this is what controlled the Inter High...

Please, Onoda-kun

Ye... yeah, I'll do my best

Pag 19

1: It's the high cadence!!

Aaaaaaaaaa

100.... 120..... 150

2: He raised up to 200!!

Amazing!!

He's so fast!

I can't even see him!!

Pag 20

1: His body isn't even shaking!!

That's the two times champion...

The video is incredible, it looks like it's fast forward

Waaaaaa

2: Onoda Sakamichi-san!!

Onoda-san is amazing!

3: The two-times champion.....

Onoda.... Sakamichi....

4: That's back-gate-slope senpai's real name!!

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #yowamushi pedal spoilers #yowamushi pedal translations #yowamushi pedal manga #yowapeda manga #ride 693 #okay first!! sorry bc i got confused an di thought that roku-chan was the one guy with kei-chan #but roku-chan is actually our little guy lol i'm sorry it was confusing while reading! i also edited the past chapters to clear things #ANYWAY #ROKU-CHAN IS THE MOST PRECIOUS BABY I LOVE HIM AND IM GONNA PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE OKAY #PLEASE HES SO CUTE IVE ADOPTED HIM #onoda is gonna be such a good senpai for him ;A;#and will lead him to find what his path is #baby you're still 14 you dont need to know what you want to do already #no really i cant wait to see how their relationship grows #i want to see onoda being the bestest senpai and i want to see roku-chan finding his way while following him #anyway no new chapter next week :( so we have to wait to week to see our babies again :((

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ohblackdiamond · 1 year

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life and life only (paul/victoria) (pg-13) (part 17 of ?)

Mermaid AU. Paul lives in isolation in a sunken ship with his sister, until a new mer comes by to see his ship, and he starts to reassess the human world, and vie for stardom within it.

In this chapter: Victoria finally confesses her past in the human world to Paul.

She brought him plants the next day, when they met for brunch. A ficus (he recognized it because Bill had one in his office), paperwhites, and a cutting of a small vined plant striped with purple and green.

“I don’t know what it is,” she admitted. “One of my friends gave me a cutting of it a couple months ago, though. It should root before you go to Hawaii. It grows like crazy, even when I forget to water it.”

He was hoping he could get her to come with him. He could imagine the look on Peter’s face when he met him by the gate with Victoria on his arm.

“Thanks.” He couldn’t help but touch the leaves of each plant, checking even the undersides of the leaves and the stems for signs of disease, disease he didn’t even know how to combat here. A garden on land would be so different to a garden in the ocean, he knew. But they all looked healthy and whole. He pointed to the purple cutting. “Will that one be okay if I leave it in the water for a week?”

“I’m not sure. You can try.” Victoria paused. “I’d put it in some potting soil as soon as it rooted if I were you, though, to stabilize it.”

He nodded.

“I haven’t got anything for you.”

“You got me brunch.”

“That’s nothing.” He was only nibbling at the pancakes and scones on his plate. He had a sudden craving for smoked salmon-- not an offering at this restaurant-- and tried to settle for some bacon instead. It was a pretty lousy substitute. Six years here now and he still only really liked the fish and sweets of the human world.

Six years. How long had she been in the human world now? Had she landlocked? How long was it, really? Ace had made that wild claim years ago, about her being born human, but-- he couldn’t ask her to confirm. He didn’t have the words to.

“Would you like to come by my place? It’s not very far.”

“Paul--”

“It’s beautiful. It’s real beautiful, I think you’d like it.” His mouth crooked up slightly. “And if you hate it, I’ll tear it all down once I get my next advance.”

She didn’t hate his apartment. That was a relief, because he still felt like he had all those years ago, when he’d shown her his ship. The antiques looked worn, and the Tiffany lamp looked tawdry. It never felt good enough around anyone, and it certainly didn’t feel good enough for her.

The two of them put the plants she’d brought him by the kitchen windowsill. Everything was almost untouched in that area from when he’d last gotten it designed and redesigned. In fact, there was barely any food in the kitchen, apart from some Tabs, cereal, and an untouched six-pack of beer.

“I get everything delivered,” he had to admit. “I’m on the road so much, I’m barely ever here. I-in fact, I was… it hasn’t been all that long since I was still staying with the Eisens.”

“You stayed with them for years, and you still call them that.”

“That’s what they are.” He got a glass from the cabinet, filling it up with water from the tap as he spoke. Despite what she’d said, the purple and green cutting already looked wilted.

“They took care of you.”

“I rented a room from them,” he said shortly, watering each of the plants in turn. “I like Mrs. Eisen okay. She liked me. Her husband didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I dunno. I dunno that I’d like getting some teenager dumped on me, either. I dunno that he even likes pretending I’m his son. He ought to. I bought them a house last year.”

“Do you hear from Julia?”

“Not much.”

“You said she was going to have a baby.” Victoria had perched herself on the kitchen counter. If he squinted, he could almost see her back so many years ago, sitting with him on the Lord Stanley’s smokestack. “Did she?”

“Yeah. A little girl.”

“Do you see her?”

“I’ve only seen her once.” He didn’t know why Victoria was picking subjects like that. His cousin, his sister, his niece. He’d given her that rundown the night before. Maybe he was getting too used to being able to brush off difficult conversations, to steer them away like a nosy interviewer. “Julia doesn’t want to see me, okay? She only reached out to help her kid. Nothing really changed.”

Victoria looked like she was about to smile.

“Nothing, huh?”

“She doesn’t…” he trailed, suddenly hopeless. “People get funny, y’know? The roadies will do anything for you, the management, the hotel people… the fans, everything. They make you think you’re above it all. But when I saw her and Erica, I was right back down to being myself again.”

“That wasn’t such a bad self, Paul.”

“You don’t get it. I wasn’t some rockstar to her. I wasn’t somebody to be looked up to. I was just her deaf kid brother. That’s all I’d ever be to her. I’d just gotten a little money, that was all.”

Victoria pursed her lips, hoisting herself from the countertop back to the lacquered wood floor. She reached for his arm.

“You can’t change people’s perceptions. They have to do that for themselves.”

“I guess.” Funny how he could still talk to her like before. Be nakedly honest. Truth was at such a premium in his world now. He shrugged, trying to shake off his own thoughts, or at least, keep them from circling around the same sorry subject. “How’s your family, Victoria? You never really talk about anyone but Omar.”

“Oh, they’re all fine. It was my mom and stepfather’s anniversary two weeks ago.”

“I didn’t even know you had a stepfather.”

“My parents divorced when I was a kid,” she said shortly. “Come on now. You’re slacking on your grand tour, Paulie.”

And there it was. One single offhand comment. Just enough to send his heart into an offbeat rhythm, for all the wrong reasons. He looked over at her, unable, unwilling to stop himself.

“Mer don’t divorce, Victoria. They don’t even marry. They mate off. If something happens, the ’maid goes back with her kids to her parents’ ship. But they never divorce.”

“My parents landlocked. I told you.”

“When you were a kid? They couldn’t have done it when you were a kid. They couldn’t have taken you with them.” The words dropped like pebbles out of his throat. He had suspected for so long that something was wrong. Ever since seeing that photo. “VICKI, AGE 6, 1955” had burned in his brain for years before Ace had said a word. “You told me you weren’t from my part of the ocean. I always tried to believe you. But you didn’t grow up in the ocean at all, did you, Victoria?”

“Paul--”

“Why rail me over the interviews when you never even told me where you came from? Never told me about your parents, or you, or--”

“Paul, please, listen--”

“You said you never liked lying anymore than you had to. But you lied to me. You didn’t tell me.” Paul swallowed hard. “I always showed you my whole world, every lousy bit of it, and you couldn’t even–”

“Paul!”

Her face was waxy, blue eyes watering up.

“I’ll tell you. I’ve always owed you that.”

Her parents were raised off the Connecticut coast, on sunken ships whose names Paul didn’t recognize. Her father had set off for New York when he was seventeen. Her mother had done the same at eighteen, more than a decade later, just after the war.

At the time, there was a sort of enclave of a few hundred mer in the Manhattan area. How long it had been there, Victoria didn’t know. Some had intermarried with the humans-- generally, the immigrant humans, Jewish, Italian, and so on, who were less likely to question their lack of a history, their eccentricities. But often enough, one landlocked mer would marry another who’d recently come ashore. So it was with Victoria’s parents, who had never met in the sea. Her father had gotten her mother established with a job and apartment; in turn, her mother married him after a two year courtship. In another two years, Victoria was born, there in a proper hospital like any human.

Nothing was wrong. Nothing seemed wrong. Her parents worked on Broadway. Milton was a stage manager; Janet was an actress and a singer. At six they had maneuvered Victoria into her first performances.

“Mom was insistent on that. She wanted that opportunity for me.” Victoria wasn’t looking at Paul at all as she spoke. “It was fun. I was even on a record for a children’s choir.”

She would take her to model for catalogs, too. Her mother would roll her stick-straight hair into tight curls, bemoaning how the honey-blonde locks were slowly going light brown and ordinary. Victoria never cared for the bright lights and the stiff poses in the studio. But the stage was different, more intimate. Closer to what she really thought she wanted.

“Then, when I was eleven, I started getting sick. I was in bed for two weeks. I started having problems with my skin.” Victoria was saying it very slowly, very carefully. Only the glassiness in her eyes was betraying her now. “I’d always had a birthmark on my leg. I still do. That little red one I showed you.”

Paul nodded. He was feeling sick to his stomach already.

“It started to get bigger. I was getting this patching all over my legs. My parents took me to all these doctors, and they couldn’t figure it out. They thought it was an allergy, some kind of reaction, but that wasn’t it. They couldn’t help me.

“My parents figured it out before everything finished. Nobody they knew had ever had that happen before. Nobody. They were just scared, Paul. You can’t blame them.”

They took her to California on the advice of some of the other landlocked mer. By that point she was having trouble walking; the patches had spread significantly on her legs, and they were itchy and painful. The Pacific waters were supposed to be soothing.

“I walked into the ocean, but I couldn’t go back.”

“Couldn’t go back?”

“I couldn’t go… Paulie…”

She’d transformed. Reverted, really. It shouldn’t have been possible. Her mother blamed not having been landlocked when Victoria had been born, as if that wasn’t common. Her father had suspected that her birthmark was a sign of some congenital abnormality, but there wasn’t ever any consensus. It didn’t matter. The damage was done.

She didn’t walk again for a full year. Her parents pulled her out of school and bought a one-story house in California, with a tall fence and a pool. She had a wheelchair for getting around the house, and every weekend, her father would take her out in a motorboat off the coast and let her swim there for hours.

Her career was over, of course. No more singing, no more modeling. Her parents’ marriage was over. Her mother remarried a human and moved back to New York, had another little girl when Victoria was thirteen, a black-haired, blue-eyed baby without a blemish. By that point, Victoria had clawed her way into staying human for six, sometimes seven hours at a time. Pretty miraculous, Paul thought-- at that age, he’d never tried to stay human for more than two or three. She’d hoped to maintain the form long enough to go back to school. But there was something else. She was hoping her mother would look towards her again.

By fourteen she didn’t need the chair anymore. By fifteen she was back in school, generally only going mer late at night sometimes in the pool. She would take the boat out herself now on occasion, but she never went far enough out to find any other mer.

By sixteen she had begged her way back to New York to live with her mother. She’d stayed there for years, apart from a short shoot for The Virginian when she was visiting her father over the summer in California. She’d tried to piece things back together. Forge something. Push herself back onstage, back under the lights.

“It wasn’t just for my mother,” she protested. “It was partly for her, but partly for me, too. If I could be onstage again, without worrying, that would mean everything really was normal. I wanted that so badly.”

“Why did you come out to New York? To the mer, I mean. I would’ve thought…” he trailed, shrugging helplessly. “It ruined things for you. Why would you ever go looking for us?”

“Because I’d never done it before. And because I thought there might be something out there for me.” Victoria rubbed the side of her face. “I don’t mean I wanted to live out in one of the ships. But my parents never really told me much about the mer. They treated it like something I had to get over. It… it was a burden on them. It was like if they didn’t acknowledge it, it didn’t exist past me.

“It was Omar that finally told me where the New York mer lived. He said they were very poor, and not to expect much. The day I met you was only the second time I’d really gone that far out into the sea. You know the rest, Paul.”

She was holding out on him. There were details she hadn’t given him, things she’d smoothed over. He was sure of it. He wondered. Maybe she’d liked him, at first, because his deformity was on the outside. Because he was as alone and despised as she had surely been. And yet he wished she’d had the guts to tell him. He thought he would have understood. It could have brought them closer together in those wild, scant days when they were courting.

Were they courting now?

Would they ever court again?

His eyes traveled back to that pink mark on her skin, so akin to the purple patches that never had disappeared from his own, and something deep within his spine shivered. She didn’t know. What Ace had said, about a mutation, about having trouble landlocking… she didn’t know at all.

“How long do you have, Victoria?”

“Until?”

“Until you landlock.”

“I don’t know. It’s ten years, right? So I must’ve done it already.” Her mouth lifted up, trembling only a little. “Let’s not talk about that anymore. Show me the rest of your apartment. Fill me in on everything.”

His mouth met hers on instinct, arms wrapping around her, and she clung to him as though he were driftwood in a storm.

#kiss the band #kiss fanfiction #mermaid au #paul stanley

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flashinaflash · 2 years

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Second-Hand Eyes by Arlen Feldman

*Frankie1915 - Mon, May 22 at 8:37 Has anyone else got a certificate warning on the “Yeux DR17 Blue Eyes”?

Published in our August 7, 2022 newsletter. Full story is under the cut.

Link to sign up for the newsletter is in the blog description!

*Frankie1915 - Mon, May 22 at 8:37 Has anyone else got a certificate warning on the “Yeux DR17 Blue Eyes”? *Frankie1915 - Mon, May 22 at 13:15 Yes, I know they’re out of warranty, but it’s not like I can return them anyway. I’m just looking for someone who knows how to get past the certificate error. *Frankie1915 - Mon, May 22 at 16:43 E-bay. *Frankie1915 - Mon, May 22 at 21:03 Yes, thank you DrMondo69 for the pointless advice. If I could have bought new, don’t you think I would have? *Frankie1915 - Tue, May 23 at 9:07 It just says that the certificate has expired and that I have 30 days to download a newer version of the software. *Frankie1915 - Tue, May 23 at 11:16 No, I never had an account. They were “new in box” but didn’t include the paperwork. Honestly, I’m not sure they were exactly “new.” The guy who installed them thought they had been used. *Frankie1915 - Wed, May 24 at 10:00 Okay, for all of you asking the same questions, let me provide some backstory:

I was wearing coke-bottle glasses about six-feet thick and could barely see with those.

No, I couldn’t just get surgery. If I could afford surgery, do you think I would be buying second-hand sh*t off of E-bay?

The installer sterilized them before install and checked that they were working first.

If you got a liver transplant, would you be bitching that it was already used?

No, I didn’t read the EULA. Have any of you *ever* read any EULA ever?

No, I didn’t keep the originals because a) they sucked (see point 1) and b) they were wetware. What was I going to do with them? Put them in a fishbowl?

Yes, obviously I’m an idiot/moron/gnarl-brain (whatever that is) and all of the other various things you have all kindly suggested.

They worked great for a month. I could actually see things without squinting. It seemed worth it.

Now, I don’t suppose anyone has any suggestions on how to actually deal with the freaking certificate error? *Frankie1915 - Wed, May 24 at 17:54 Thanks, Ggirllll – I tried downloading the patch from the warez site you suggested, but my anti-virus software went insane. I might try installing it as a last resort, but it seems pretty janky. *Frankie1915 - Wed, May 24 at 18:32 No, I have not tried uninstalling and reinstalling them. They are f**king eyes—like in my head. Not an effing spreadsheet app. *Frankie1915 - Thu, May 25 at 9:17 The countdown now says 18 days. I tried a few things before posting here, so lost some time. *Frankie1915 - Thu, May 25 at 14:26 No, the company went belly-up about a year ago. *Frankie1915 - Thu, May 25 at 17:45 Nice to know that I’m not the only one with this problem BillyBoy13! And since you bought yours new, that at least tells me that it is not just an issue with buying them the way I did. Wish I could afford to just replace mine. *Frankie1915 - Thu, May 25 at 17:49 Yeah, me too. *Frankie1915 - Fri, May 26 at 9:27 A class-action suit would make more sense if there was someone to sue. The company’s gone!! In the meantime, the 12 of us here, and however many others, would be sitting in the dark waiting for the lawyers to collect. Besides, I just read the EULA (yes, I know). Turns out I wouldn’t have been covered anyway—resale is “expressly forbidden.” As is “any form of modification” or “installation of unofficial patches, devices or software of any sort.” And, just for giggles, they also threaten anyone who attempts to modify their software with prosecution under the DMCA anti-circumvention provisions. *Frankie1915 - Mon, May 29 at 9:03 Okay, I’m going to install the warez patch. Wish me luck. If you don’t hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Arlen Feldman is a writer, software engineer, entrepreneur, maker and computer-book author who lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Website | Twitter

#fiction #flash fiction #short fiction #short story #writeblr #second hand eyes #arlen feldman #eyes #scifi #speculative fiction #wetware #dmca #certificate error #flash in a flash #fiaf archive

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anonymously-gay45 · 5 months

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I just finished listening to the solitaire audiobook for the first time. I'm in shock, I don't cry, but if I did, I would be crying right now. The resources and helpline numbers are playing in my ears.

I'm feeling a bit like Tori Spring lately. Feeling as though everything bad is my fault. And I don't care about anything. The only main difference is that I don't have a Micheal Holden to pull me from the edge. It's just me. I don't even have a Charlie Spring, who needs me too much for me to let go. All I have is my Oliver Spring, too young to know what's going on, but old enough to know I'm different. She's my little sister, and she needs her big brother to be here, to get out of bed, to take her to school, to the park, to play Barbies with her. (even though Barbies are a bit stupid in my opinion, and she never lets me make them gay) I believe everyone has a reason to live, but sometimes it is hard to find, my sister needs me, and my cat would miss me.

Anyway... I'm done with my ramble about my problems... Damn, this is really turning into Tori's blog about all the stupid shit in my life. Whoops.

Anyway... Solitaire is up there in my list of favorite books now. I can relate so deeply to Tori and Charlie. It's a bit sad that I relate the most to the saddest characters... I also think I relate to Michael Holden. He acts like he is happy all the time, and still doesn't have friends, he never talks about his feelings or problems, but he listens to Toris. I am most likely the three most depressing characters, shit.

I can say a lot about Solitaire, but this is more a post about me again, even though these posts get almost no attention, I don't care, this is my blog, and I will post what I want.

I found that part one chapter 12 and 13 made me very sad, I stated before that I don't cry, I can't remember the last time I cried, like actually cried. It must have been months ago, maybe when I lost all my friends... Or before that when my best friend almost died. I don't remember. Both of those things were over a year ago now, and I don't think I've really cried since, I just haven't cared enough. I fell off of my skateboard and injured my knee, I didn't even get close to crying... I just remembered the last time I cried. My mother had just found out about my SH, and I couldn't look at her, I cried that day, that was six months ago now.

Time seems to be passing too quickly, it's finals week at school, half term. It's almost Christmas again, only 9 days until Christmas Eve, so eight days until my dad's Christmas Eve. I feel sick knowing that. I don't want Christmas to happen. The big Christmas dinner, the big Christmas breakfast, the hot cocoa, the caroling, the Christmas lights that blind me, the presents, trying to figure out what to ask for on Christmas. (probably just books, and maybe a camera) I happen to hate Christmas, if you couldn't already tell, and it's in only a week, I feel sick.

p.s. I will post a solitaire update later today, I have nothing better to do today.

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mandareeboo · 3 years

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SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not.

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me.

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky.

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster.

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs!

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly.

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong.

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

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bananaofswifts · 3 years

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Taylor Swift Turns on a Facsimile Machine for the Ingenious Recreations of ‘Fearless (Taylor’s Version)’: Album Review

Swift recreates her entire 2008 album literally down to the last note, then gives herself room for stylistic latitude on six never-before-recorded "vault" tracks.

By Chris Willman

Swift recreates her entire 2008 album literally down to the last note, then gives herself room for stylistic latitude on six never-before-recorded "vault" tracks.

There is no “best actress” award at the Grammys, perhaps for obvious reasons, but maybe there should be this coming year. And the Grammy would go to… Taylor Swift, for so persuasively playing her 18-year-old self in “Fearless (Taylor’s Version),” her beyond-meticulous recreation of the 2008 recording that did win her her first album of the year trophy back in the day. It’s impossible to overstate just how thoroughly the new version is intended as an exact replica of the old — all the way down to her startling ability to recapture an untrained teen singing voice she’s long matured and moved on from. It’s a stunt, to be sure, but a stunt for the ages — mastering the guile it takes to go back to sounding this guileless.

There are two different, very solid reasons to pick up or stream “Taylor’s Version,” regardless of whether you share her ire for the Big Machine label, whose loose ways with her nine-figure catalog precipitated this, the first in a six-album series of remakes where she’ll be turning on the facsimile machine. One is to marvel at her gift for self-mimicry on the album’s original tracks, where she sounds as possessed by her younger self as Regan ever was by Pazuzu. The other reason is, of course, to check out the six “vault” numbers that Swift wrote during that time frame but has never released before in any form, which dispenses with stylistic fealty to the late 2000s and frames her “Fearless”-era discards in production and arrangements closer to “Folklore.” Those half-dozen (kind of) new tracks really do sound like modern Taylor Swift covering her old stuff.

But those original lucky 13? It’s the same damn record… which is kind of hilarious and marvelous and the kind of meta-ness that will inspire a thousand more think-pieces than it already has, along with possibly efforts at forensic analysis to figure out how she did it.

It would not be surprising if, as we speak, Big Machine was putting a combined team of scientists and lawyers on the case of the new album’s waveform readouts, to make sure it’s not just the original album, remixed. Honestly, it’s that close. The timings of the songs are all within a few seconds of the original tracks, if not coming in at exactly the same length. The duplication effort doesn’t allow any detours. If “Forever and Always” had a cold open then, it’s going to have a cold open now. If the 2008 “That’s the Way I Love You” had slamming rock guitars with an almost subliminal banjo being plucked beneath the racket, so will the 2021 “That’s the Way I Loved You.” A drum roll to end the old “Change”? A drum roll to end its body-snatcher doppelganger. And if she chuckled before the final chorus of “Hey Stephen” 13 years ago, so will that moment be cause for a delighted giggle now.

Of course, much analysis will be put into whether the new laugh is a more knowing-sounding laugh. And that will be part of the fun for a certain segment of audiophile Swifties who will go looking for the slightest change as evidence of something meaningful. When “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” first came out weeks back to preview the album, there were reviews written that swore she’d subtly changed up her phrasing to put a contemporary spin on the song. And maybe they were right, but, having done a fair amount of A/B testing of the two versions of the album, I found myself feeling like I do when vinyl buffs insist there are significant sonic differences between the first stamper version of an LP and one that was pressed a year later. If you can spot those very, very, very modest tweaks, go for it.

But my suspicion is that if Swift has decided to turn a phrase a little differently here or there on this album, or done anything too differently aside from brighten the sound, she’s doing it more as an Easter egg, for the people who are on that kind of hunt, than anything really designed as reinterpretation. Because the last thing Swift wants most of her fans doing is A/B-ing the two versions, the way I did. The whole point is to have folks retire the OG “Fearless” from their Spotify playlists, right? The Swift faithful were already threatening to rain down damnation on anyone caught sneaking an audio peek at the old version after midnight. What she intended was to come up with a rendering so faithful that you would never have a need to spin the vintage album again. In that, she has succeeded beyond what could have been imagined even in the dreams of the few self-forgers who’ve tried this before, like a Jeff Lynne.

Is there any reason to find value in the new versions if you couldn’t care less about the issues of masters and contracts and respect in business deals that made all this strangely possible? Yes, with the first one being that the new album just sounds like a terrific remastering of the old — the same notes, and you’d swear the same performances, but sounding brighter and punchier just on a surface level. But on a more philosophical one, it’s not just a case of Swift playing with her back catalog like Andy Warhol played with his soup can. It’s really a triumph of self-knowledge and self-awareness, in the way that Swift is so hyper-conscious of the ways she’s matured that she has the ability to un-mature before our very ears. With her vocals, it’s virtuosic, in a way, how she’s made herself return to her unvirtuosic upstart self.

On Swift’s earliest albums and in those seminal live shows — at the time when she was famously being told she “can’t sing,” to quote a song from the follow-up album — there was a slight shrillness around the edges of her voice that, if you lacked faith, you might’ve imaged would be there forever. It wasn’t. That was partly youth, and partly just the sheer earnestness with which she wanted to convey the honesty of the songs. She’s advanced so much since then — into one of pop’s most gifted modern singers, really — that the woman of “Folklore” and “Evermore” seems like a completely different human being than the one who made the self-titled debut and “Fearless,” never mind just a woman versus girl. It wouldn’t have seemed possible that she could go back to her old way of singing at the accomplished age of 31, but she found and recreated that nervous, sincere, pleading voice of yesteryear. And maybe it was just a technical feat, of temporarily unlearning what she’s learned since then, but you can sense that maybe she had to go there internally, too, to the place where she was counseling other girls to guard their sexual virtue in “Fifteen,” or wondering whether to believe the fairy tale of “Love Story” or the wakeup call of “White Horse,” or proving with “Forever & Always” that writing a song telling off Joe Jonas for his 27-second breakup call was better than revenge.

If at first you’re not inclined to notice that Swift has re-adopted a completely different singing voice for the “Fearless” remakes, the realization may kick in when those “vault” tracks start appearing in the later stretch of this hour-and-50-minute album. The writing on the six songs that have been pulled up from the 2008 cutting room floor seems primitive, even a little bit by the standards of the “Fearless” album; there are great lines and couplets throughout the rescued tracks, but you can see why she left them as works-in-progress. But she doesn’t use her youthful voice on these resurrections, nor does she employ the actual style of “Fearless” very strictly. Of course, she feels more freedom on these, because there are no predecessors in the Big Machine catalog she’s asking you to leave behind. Her current collaborators of choice, Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner, divided the co-producing work on these fresher songs, as they did for the two all-new albums she released in the last year. (The “Fearless” recreations are co-produced by Swift with Christopher Rowe, someone who worked on remixes for Swift back in that era.) They co-produce the vault songs in a style that sounds somewhere between “Fearless” and Folklore”… a more spectral brand of country-pop, with flutes and synths and ringing 12-string guitars and a modicum of drum programming replacing some (but not all) of the acoustic stringed instruments you’d expect to be carried over from “Fearless” proper.

Of the previously unheard tracks, Swift was right — she’s always been her own best self-editor — in putting out “You All Over Me” first, in advance of the album. With its imagery of half-muddy stones being upturned on the road, this song has advanced lyrical conceits more of a piece with the level of writing she’s doing now than some of the slightly less precocious songs that follow. Still, there’s something to be said for the sheer zippiness with which Swift conveys teen heartbreak in “Mr. Perfectly Fine,” which has a lyric that shows Swift had long since absorbed the lessons Nashville had to offer about how to come up with a high-concept song — the concept, in this case, being just to stick the word “mister” in front of a lot of phrases relating to her shallow ex, as if they were honorary titles to be conferred for being a shit, while she employs the “miss” for herself more sparingly.

Some of the remaining outtake songs go back more toward the sedate side of “Fearless”-style material; she didn’t leave any real bangers in the can. “We Were Happy,” the first of two successive tracks to bring in Keith Urban (but only for backgrounds on this one), employs fake strings and real cello as Swift waxes nostalgic for a time when “you threw your arms around my neck, back when I deserved it.” It’s funny, in a good way, to hear Swift at 31 recreating a song she wrote at 17 or 18 that pined for long-past better times. The next song, “That’s When,” brings Urban in for a proper duet where he gets a whole second verse and featured status on half a chorus, and it’s lovely to hear them together. But, as a make-up song, it doesn’t feel as real or lived-in as the more personal things she was writing at the time — and the fact that its chords are pretty close to a slightly more balladic version of the superior “You Belong With Me” was probably a pretty good reason for dropping it at the time.

the 18-year-old Taylor Swift is a great place to visit, but “Folklore” and “Evermore” are the place you’ll want to return to and live, unless you have an especially strong sentimental attachment to “Fearless”… which, sure, half of young America does. It’s not irreconcilable to say that the two albums she issued in the last year represent a daring pinnacle of her career, but that “Fearless” deserved to win album of the year in 2008. Has there been a greater pop single in the 20th century than “You Belong With Me”? Probably not. Did the album also have lesser moments you probably haven’t thought about in a while, like the just-okay “Breathe”? Yes. (I looked up to see whether Swift had ever played that little remarked upon number in concert, and according to setlists.fm, she did, exactly once… in 2018. Because she’s Taylor Swift, and of course she did.) It’s not certain that her duet with Colbie Caillat really needed to be resurrected, except it’s fun, because hey, she even roped former duet partners back into her time warp. But there are so many number that have stood the test of time, like “The Way I Love You,” an early song that really got at the complicated feelings about passion and fidelity that she would come to explore more as she grew into her 20s… and just kind of a headbanger, too, on an album that does love its fiddles and mandolins.

It doesn’t take much to wonder why Swift put up “Fearless” first in this six-album exercise; it’s one of her two biggest albums, along with “1989,” and it’s 13 years old, which does mean something superstitious in the Taylor-verse. In a way, it’ll be more interesting to see what happens when she gets to more complicated productions, like “1989” or “Reputation.” But maybe “Fearless” did present the opportunity for the grandest experiment out of the gate: to recreate something that pure and heartfelt, with all the meticulousness a studio master like Swift can put to that process now, without having it seem like she’s faking sincerity. Let the think-pieces proceed — because this is about six hundred different shades of meta. But, all craftiness and calculation aside, there’s a sweetness to the regression that’s not inconsequential. It harks back to a time when she only wondered if she could be fearless, before she learned it the harder way for sure. What they say about actors “disappearing into the role”? That really applies to Taylor Swift, playing herself.

#taylor swift #fearless #review

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forasecondtherewedwon · 3 years

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Dolls’ Eyes — A Jaws AU

Pairings: established Peggy/Steve, developing Brunnhilde/Carol Rating: T Chapters: 14/14

Summary: Tony Stark snapped his fingers and the vanished half of the universe returned, but Thanos escaped the battlefield, fleeing into space. Now that he’s virtually powerless, most of the Avengers consider chasing him all over the universe a waste of resources, but Peggy Carter—newly deposited in the 21st century—is determined to finish the job. Brunnhilde and Carol Danvers have the same idea.

When scattered rumours of fresh killings escalate to the death of one of their own, the three women team up to defeat Thanos once and for all.

read the prologue

read ch. 1 one / 2 two / 3 three / 4 four / 5 five 6 six / 7 seven / 8 eight / 9 nine / 10 ten 11 eleven / 12 twelve / 13 thirteen / 14 fourteen

After everything, Carol wasn’t surprised that Brunnhilde put up a fight over being told to just rest. Carol reminded her that she was lucky to be alive, to which Brunnhilde responded that it wasn’t anything like luck, and went on to list the incredible, lifesaving properties of her fine armour, explain the enhanced durability provided by her Asgardian biology, and enumerate all of the injuries she’d previously sustained that were apparently worse than being electrocuted half to death, and then nearly drowning while incapacitated. Carol didn’t believe half of it, but it was kinda hot when Brunnhilde bragged.

So, in spite of Carol’s efforts, Brunnhilde kept getting up the second her back was turned in order to haul bodies off of Thanos’s ship. As they started to fix everything Carol had broken (including a patch job of that hole in the roof), a scan of the local environment informed them that almost all of the life on this planet was aquatic. They left the stack of corpses on land. Whatever water critters were around, they didn’t need toxic eyeball goo leeching into their habitat.

Carol caught Brunnhilde shaking out a twitching arm and made her sit to do electronic repairs rather than manual labour. (Carol had that handled anyway, plus, she knew where all the bodies were because she was the one who’d left them there.) Brunnhilde protested that she was the captain. Carol came way too close to saying not of this ship, but stopped herself. Instead, she suggested Brunnhilde do like any other captain would and let her underlings take on the grunt work. That got a smile, if not verbal agreement.

Thankfully, Peggy was a fast learner; Carol explained the basics of what she’d done to wreck something and Peggy quickly understood how to walk back the damage. They worked their way through the ship, staying at neighbouring stations so Carol would be there if Peggy had questions, and Peggy would be there if (when) Carol had messed something up so badly that it needed four hands to fix.

“Maria would’ve been great with this,” she said without thinking, holding up a fistful of wires while Peggy tinkered beneath.

“Maria?”

It was easier to talk about her than it had ever been before. Like with the repairs, she could tell that Peggy understood without Carol having to do much more than gush over how good Maria had been at fixing stuff, how thorough she’d been with the plane she’d kept in the hangar on her property, how reliable, how trustworthy, how patient…

“Yes,” Peggy told her with a smile. “She sounds like she was wonderful.”

“She was.”

But when the two of them had finished their circuit of the ship and Carol went to tell Brunnhilde they were good to go, she wasn’t there. Carol panicked, worried that Brunnhilde had overheard all her praise of Maria and somehow missed the tone of a person who was in the late stages of grief, who had accepted the worst and was keen to keep living, maybe even loving.

When she couldn’t find her on the ship, she jogged down the ramp, intending to look for her outside. The second she turned to face the water, she spotted Brunnhilde coming towards her from the escape vessel. Carol ran out to meet her.

“What’s all this?” she asked in a tone of amusement, because Brunnhilde had her arms full.

“Food, Peggy’s jacket, a couple beers that didn’t get smashed when Thanos rammed us, uh…” She tried to examine the rest of the pile she was carrying, but it teetered and slipped; laughing, Carol scooped a few things out of her arms before they could end up in the shallow water.

“I thought you might’ve taken off on us,” she said lightly.

“I didn’t think you thought I’d be capable of that after getting zapped.”

“I was just…”

Brunnhilde walked close, pressing her arm into Carol’s.

“I know. I would’ve been the same way if it’d been you.”

“I don’t even know if I can get electrocuted,” Carol said.

“I’m not gonna recommend trying it for fun,” Brunnhilde told her. “Anyway, I used all my discs on Thanos and I dropped the remote in the water somewhere… You’d have to go to Thor with your request, ask him to bring the lightning down.”

“Straight to Thor?!” Carol laughed. “That seems a little extreme.”

“Or you could just stand around outside in New Asgard during a storm and wait for it to happen naturally.”

“And why would I need to be in New Asgard specifically?” Carol asked in a teasing voice. “I could get struck by lightning anywhere.”

She watched Brunnhilde flounder but couldn’t get an answer out of her, not on the way to the ship, not while she was distracted with Peggy asking her a slew of health questions, and not while they were trying to figure out how to get this humongous spaceship off the ground with a crew of only three people.

As they made their rocky assent, Carol was too busy to wonder whether Brunnhilde had heard her talking about Maria before she’d left the ship to scavenge from the escape craft. They had just broken through the atmosphere, blue sky giving way to black, when Brunnhilde spoke.

“Love’s like war.”

It was so sudden that Carol snorted a laugh.

“Ok, poet,” she said. She was tempted to devote some time to getting Thanos’s ship to play her music, if only to put on ‘Love Is a Battlefield’ for Brunnhilde. To let her know what had been said on the subject already.

She smirked to herself when Brunnhilde continued, clearly not giving a shit about her interruption or joking criticism.

“It is.”

“What do you mean?” Carol asked more seriously.

Brunnhilde shifted in her seat, engaging different protocols for outer space travel. Carol noticed the tremor had gone from her arm.

“You do better in both because of experience,” Brunnhilde said, looking straight out the viewport. “Anybody who can’t appreciate the benefit of falling for someone who’s been in love before is a fucking idiot.”

“And you’re not a fucking idiot.”

“I hope that isn’t a question.”

Carol smiled and shook her head. They flew in silence for a while.

“When we get back,” she said eventually, peering shyly over at her captain, “I owe someone important to me a visit, but then I’m coming to see you. Just a heads-up.”

“Vaguely threatening.”

“Sorry.”

“No,” Brunnhilde told her, grabbing her forearm to get her full attention, “I liked it.”

Heat raced up Carol’s neck until she was blushing as bright red as her suit, or the dumb acid burn on her arm.

Just then, Peggy’s agitated voice came from the other end of the wide flight deck.

“Someone’s coming right at us!”

Before Carol had the chance to say what the hell? or who? or again?, an incoming message threw a distantly familiar face up in front of them, hovering in the form of a hologram.

“Hey,” Carol greeted. “Small universe.”

—

Peggy had never thought to imagine what Gamora might be like. She’d had an account of Peter Quill’s affection for her from Rocket, but had recognized that a portrayal of the woman that crew had known—the woman Peter had loved enough to forfeit his life in the quest for reunion—couldn’t be fully accurate. At best, the Gamora they described would be one layer removed from the real person. The Gamora they had known and the one whose hologram had just appeared before Peggy, Carol, and Brunnhilde were a handful of years and a thousand experiences apart.

It seemed absurd to Peggy that this woman may wish to harm them, but she really ought to have considered it.

“Was it your distress signal I picked up?” Gamora asked flatly, eyes locked on Carol in the pilot’s seat.

“Umm… yep.”

“And you still require assistance?”

Carol glanced at Brunnhilde, then over to Peggy, who nodded. They certainly had worked wonders, she felt, in getting this massive spaceship off the planet, but who knew how many things could go wrong between here and Earth? Peggy doubted either of her shipmates had told her the half of it. They were simply short-staffed, too few fingers available to plug any metaphorical leaks they might spring on the journey.

“Yes please,” Carol told her.

With a nod, 2014 Gamora went from unknown quantity to ally. Peggy sighed in relief.

The three of them were transported directly from Thanos’s ship to Gamora’s. The process was quite indescribable, Peggy thought. Tingly, quick, with a bit of a lurch as she rematerialized on an entirely different flight deck from the one she’d just left. Had the transfer been instantaneous? Had she, perhaps, ceased to exist for a moment or two? She was full of questions but unsure to whom she should direct them.

Gamora, while welcoming in deed, was somewhat inscrutable when they met her face-to-face. Standoffish. Unsure of herself, Peggy realized. Immediately, she warmed to the woman. She had been in her place herself once, sort of, if not precisely in her intimidating boots. It hadn’t been so long ago that she’d been ferried through time to find the world completely changed. What Gamora needed was a reason to trust them the way they were trusting her.

“I take it you killed my father?” Gamora asked plainly once they were aboard.

Oh dear. It seemed they weren’t off to a very auspicious start.

Brunnhilde stepped in front of Carol, who’d just been opening her mouth to speak, presumably to claim responsibility.

“I was the captain,” she stated. “Thanos was killed on my orders.”

“Uh, no, not explicitly,” Carol argued.

“Anyway,” Peggy piped up, “I’m the one who shot him in the head.”

“And he was only vulnerable to that because I electrocuted him to within an inch of his despicable life and his helmet fell off,” Brunnhilde countered.

“On a planet I flew us to,” Carol reminded them.

“We’ll be sharing the blame,” Peggy informed Gamora on behalf of her crewmates.

Gamora cocked her head consideringly.

“And if it’s approval?” To their universal silence, she explained, “I know what he was capable of in my time, and I saw enough of Earth to get a general idea of what he was set to accomplish if he wasn’t stopped.”

“Were you out here hunting him too?” Peggy took a step towards her.

Directing her gaze away from them, Gamora blinked rapidly, looking momentarily confused and upset. In the next second, she’d hidden any outward hint of those feelings.

“I should’ve been,” she said, “but I’ve never been able to stand up to him like I should have. After I left your planet… for a while, I wasn’t looking for him. But I began to see signs. And then Peter Quill came.”

“Peter!” Carol said. “You saw him? Did you talk to him? Rocket never said—”

“No. I just watched. I followed him for a while. I knew he was looking for me. He was so… loud.” Gamora made a face. “Leaving word for me everywhere, telling traders and transports that he was my boyfriend. He was an idiot, but an entertaining idiot… I barely noticed that I’d stopped keeping track of Thanos until he just showed up…

“I was a coward,” Gamora went on. “I saw my father intercept Peter’s ship and I knew what would probably happen, but I couldn’t put myself between the two of them. Was I supposed to stand up for this guy when I’d never been able to stand up for myself? I was raised to be cruel, to think of myself, that attachments formed to accomplish anything but the acquisition of power make you weak. I know Thanos killed Peter. It’s my fault he’s dead.”

Peggy stood in front of her, refraining from placing a reassuring hand on Gamora’s shoulder when she gave her cagey eyes.

“It’s not,” Peggy told her firmly.

“I only heard your distress signal because I heard Peter’s first,” Gamora said. “I went onboard after my father had left; it was days before I could force myself to do it, maybe longer. I used his communications system to speak to his crewmates on Earth.”

“You must’ve just missed us leaving,” Brunnhilde said.

“That’s what he told me. He said three more morons had left the planet, on their way to hunt down Thanos.”

“And you’ve helped us,” Peggy said, tone insistent. “If you do feel any responsibility for what happened to Peter, then surely you should also believe that you’ve redeemed yourself by saving our backsides.”

Gamora’s eyes squinted as though she were in pain.

“I owed him more than this and I hate it,” she said, jaw clenched. “He was no one to me. He knew someone I’m never going to become.”

“Shhh. I know,” Peggy said soothingly.

“I don’t see how that’s possible. Have you ever had someone tell you they love you when it feels like it’s impossible that they even know you? That whoever they loved had to be a different person from who you are?”

Peggy’s shoulders fell. She could feel the bittersweet smile on her face.

“Actually, yes.”

Gamora appeared surprised to have been brought up short in such a manner.

“Do you have any advice?” Peggy urged softly.

For a minute, Gamora was quiet, staring hard at the wall. Peggy could feel that the others had backed away, giving them time and space when Gamora’s stream of information had been diverted by the confusing grief she was obviously experiencing.

“Whatever lengths he goes to because he thinks you’re better than you are…” Gamora finally said, turning her head to look Peggy in the eye. “Try to be worth it.”

“Got it.”

Peggy folded her hands together, pressing her right palm to her wedding ring.

—

They were about to get underway, their new crew of four on a significantly smaller, though sleeker, ship. (Brunnhilde didn’t mourn for the one they’d left in the shallows; it had served them well, first the Asgardians and now the team responsible for the death of Thanos.) However, staring out the viewport from the seat in which she’d been installed as the effective second-in-command, Brunnhilde didn’t feel right. The sight of Thanos’s ship just hanging there in space unnerved her. It would be better if no trace of the Titan remained.

“Let’s blast it,” she suggested to the deck at large.

“Thanos’s spaceship?” Peggy checked.

“Yes.”

“Well,” Carol said, “we aren’t near anything. There’s nothing for the debris to hit…”

Brunnhilde smiled slightly and looked to the captain.

“Gamora? Do you have any weapons on this ship that could do the job?”

“There is one thing I’ve been saving for a special occasion,” Gamora said, gaze fixed on Thanos’s ship. “First, we’re going to need to get clear.”

She piloted them away—away from the planet, away from the ship. Part of Brunnhilde wanted to request the honour of launching the torpedo Gamora was setting the coordinates for, locking it onto her late father’s final vessel, but she was already satisfied with the role she’d played. Let Gamora take this final, symbolic step. It was like Thor’s hideous couch; Brunnhilde had helped him lug the thing into the open air, but permitted him to drop the match (once she’d soaked the cushions in lighter fluid, just in case it wasn’t sufficiently saturated in spilled beer). She would content herself with watching it go up in flames.

And it did. It was an impressive explosion, scattering wreckage in a wide perimeter Gamora had kept them outside of. They were briefly silent as jagged hunks of metal twisted in the void.

“That’s one way to get the stink of dead bodies out,” Carol noted, and Brunnhilde turned to her, shoulders shaking with laughter Carol quickly joined in on.

They flew for some time, and it was good just to relax, to stretch in her seat and tilt her head from side to side so that her neck cracked horrendously and Peggy said things like “good lord!” while Carol laughed her ass off. Brunnhilde remained alert though. She couldn’t help it. In the old days, with the Valkyrie, there’d been a certain relief when the battle in which they’d been engaged was done, but they’d only known true rest once they’d returned to Asgard. Home. The last time she’d been on a ship bound for Earth, the atmosphere had been one of intense grief, muffled weeping in the corridors. They’d known Earth as Midgard and had little admiration for its country of Norway, chilly with fog and swathed in the bleak colours that reflected their inner emptiness. Nothing they loved was there—not their people, not their gleaming towers and soaring statues. How could it ever possibly feel like coming home?

Brunnhilde had honestly believed she’d lost her ability to experience that feeling, that, without her sisters-in-arms, the sensation was lost to her. Yet, despite the tension she still carried from the fight, she felt it easing. She felt herself longing for home, her little house at the water’s edge. For the chance to return to her people as their king and announce a great evil defeated. Maybe this tension was only anticipation after all.

In contrast to the fruits of her own contemplation and revelation, Gamora’s private thoughts had left her expression mournful and roving. Brunnhilde exited the deck to relieve herself and find something to eat in Gamora’s stores, and when she returned, she addressed her.

“You’re not taking us all the way to Earth, are you?”

Gamora flicked her gaze sideways to assess her. Brunnhilde knew there was no judgement to be found in her face, so she stared back calmly.

“I’m taking you to Quill’s ship. Thanos, in his infinite arrogance, didn’t damage it. Maybe he thought he might like to return to it some time and claim it as part of his fleet. It’s a tribute to how much I continue to feel my father’s influence that I planned to do the same. Not build a fleet, but go back. There’s something about that ship… I find it comforting.”

Brunnhilde frowned thoughtfully.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take it and leave this one for us?”

“No. What I felt when I was onboard, examining it and… and removing Quill’s body for space burial… that was just a feeling of, I don’t know, another life. There’s a group on Earth for whom that ship means something. And it’s the only thing they have of him. I couldn’t keep it.”

“One of those people is your sister,” Brunnhilde said carefully.

“Yes.”

“I tried to talk to her, but she doesn’t like me very much. I don’t blame her,” she added as Gamora gave her a wary look. “She was upset.”

“Nebula is at her most dangerous when upset, and she’s always upset, so she’s always dangerous.”

“She was upset about Peter’s death. But I think also because, without him, no one was out here looking for you.”

Gamora stiffened.

“If she really wants to find me, she can come look for me herself. I’ll be ready.”

“She doesn’t want to fight you,” Brunnhilde said. “She misses you. I think. It’s really none of my business.”

“Why would you wish to get involved in our family affairs?” Gamora’s voice was more curious than accusing. “Besides murdering our father, of course.”

Brunnhilde sighed before answering.

“I’ve lost many people I cared about. I don’t have a family anymore.” She glanced over to see Carol and Peggy bent over a screen together, Carol’s sudden snort infecting Peggy until they were both laughing. “I mean,” Brunnhilde corrected herself, “I didn’t.”

When they arrived at the Benatar and Gamora transported Carol and Peggy off her ship, Brunnhilde motioned for Gamora to hold off a moment on removing her.

“If we don’t meet again,” she said, sticking out her arm for Gamora to grasp.

Gamora gripped her tightly and nodded.

“I think we might though. I thought about it and realized it’s easier for me to find Nebula than for her to find me.”

“I may have left you her coordinates.” Brunnhilde released Gamora’s arm. “Enjoy Missouri.”

She joined Peggy and Carol on the Benatar, pausing to bend over Carol’s seat to surprise her with a deep kiss before she took up her own position. She brushed stray strands of hair back out of Carol’s dancing eyes.

“I’m going to have to redo your braid,” Brunnhilde told her.

“Oh, we’ll have time. We’ve got quite a road trip ahead of us. Luckily… Peter left us his tunes.” Beaming, she started up a song with a bright beat.

Brunnhilde smiled and went to her seat, fastening herself in as Carol readied the vessel for launch.

“You know,” Peggy said thoughtfully, slinging her jacket over the back of her chosen seat, “before all of this, I was actually quite afraid of outer space.”

Carol laughed.

“I can’t imagine why.”

#my writing #Dolls' Eyes #MCU #Avengers: Endgame #Peggy Carter #Brunnhilde #Carol Danvers #Valkyrie #Captain Marvel #Steve Rogers #Nick Fury

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prettywordsyouleft · 3 years

Text

Out Of The Shadows - Part 3

Summary: Singing was the only thing that kept you breathing. To Kihyun, you were too talented to step away from. And by a cruel twist of fate, because of him, you became a singer - except you only sang in the shadows.

Pairing: Yoo Kihyun x female reader

Genre: idol au / angst / drama / romance

Warnings: Y/N has a serious injury, and ongoing implications from it that might trigger some people. In this part: showing of injury / past trauma from an accident

Word count: 2148

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | Final

“Y/N’s in her practice space,” Boah mentioned as she fixed the pile of paperwork on her desk after their session together finished.

“Okay.”

“Are you going to visit her today?”

“No, I can’t. I’m busy.”

“Sure seemed to have more than enough time for her beforehand,” she pointed out, and Kihyun reached for his bag, shouldering it and got up.

“Don’t now.”

“Alright,” Boah said with a loud sigh, getting up and stepping in front of the exit, folding her arms across her chest. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Yoo Kihyun, you are a horrible liar, you know. I’ve been helping you since pre-debut. Don’t give me these broody teenager vibes. I thought I was done with them years ago.”

“Ask Y/N then.”

“I did. And you know what? She’s completely shut down. Given her usual approach, I’m now not enjoying being left in the dark. Did you both have a singer’s spat?”

“It has nothing to do with our singing,” he admitted, and Boah’s shoulders relaxed.

Of course, she’d be worried about them both that way.

Kihyun was still reeling from the incident from last week. And since he hadn’t saved your number, he hadn’t been able to talk his feelings out with you either. It had been a long week stewing over it all. Even with Minhyuk’s prying nature into his evident mood, he hadn’t felt like talking about it to others.

Because there was a clear reason you were keeping Kihyun in the dark by getting defensive.

Looking up at his teacher finally, he searched Boah’s expression. She shook her head pre-emptively. “I’m not getting into this.”

“Here you were trying to find out details.”

“Only because out of the pair of you, I know you’re more likely to talk than she is.”

“I don’t want to get into it if you’re not going to tell me what you know.”

“Client confidentiality, Kihyun,” Boah muttered, and Kihyun grew resigned again. Groaning, Boah clasped a hand to her temples, rubbing them slowly before looking at him. “I’m not sure what you both argued about, but if Y/N’s being secretive to you, then there’s a big reason to that. Her life took an unexpected turn six years ago. She’s lucky to be here.”

“What do you mean. Did she get sick?!”

“No—I shouldn’t be telling you any of this!” she moaned, slumping back in her chair.

Sitting back down also, Kihyun leaned forward. “Tell me something so I can understand.”

“She was in an accident. That’s all I’m saying without her consent.”

“Does it still affect her?” he questioned, and Boah nodded. “Physically?”

“Daily, Kihyun.”

“That’s why she doesn’t want to be a singer,” he breathed, and Boah sat still for a moment.

“She desperately wants to be a singer. Every day she’s in here after work, trying to become the best singer she can ever be.”

“Then why did she turn me down?! I was—”

“She’s been rejected already, Kihyun.”

“How?!” he implored, getting agitated. “I don’t get how?! That voice is amazing. Even you say so, and for years, all you told me was that I was decent enough!”

“She physically cannot do what would be needed. The best she can get is paying gigs in restaurants or aged care facilities. And even then, depending on the outfit choice, she’s unable to,” Boah offered sadly, and Kihyun slammed his hand down on the desk in front of him, making Boah jump in fright.

“That’s not good enough!”

“Calm down.”

“Why are you so relaxed?! We could angle her as a ballad singer. Then she doesn’t need to dance.”

“Tried that route.”

“I’m really not seeing the obstacle here! I can’t stand this!”

“Because you haven’t seen it,” a new voice mentioned softly, and Kihyun spun around, his eyes growing wide at you standing there.

Boah edged towards you. “H-how much did you—”

“I guess you’ll be curious forever if I don’t shut you down right now, huh?”

“Y/N, you don’t have to put yourself into an uncomfortable situation to let Kihyun know why,” Boah told you, but you didn’t break eye contact with the man, Kihyun staring back at you just as intensely.

Shutting the door behind you, you swallowed roughly and then reached for the bottom of the hoodie you wore. Pulling it slowly over your head, you let it slip to the ground, watching Kihyun’s eyes round further, and his mouth dropped without knowing it.

You smiled bitterly. “So now you know.”

“Does it hurt?” he whispered, after following your sudden departure from the studio and into your practice space, getting inside before you could lock the door. His phone began to vibrate in his bag, and you both stared at it, Kihyun eventually reaching in and silencing it immediately.

You gasped. “Your manager will be looking for you.”

“I don’t care right now. I asked you something more important.”

Lowering your focus to your exposed arms, you nodded. “It hurts right now.”

“Does it hurt when you sing?”

“Sometimes. But it hurts more when I don’t,” you confessed, and Kihyun stepped closer, his hand lifting towards your fragile-looking skin, stopping just before he touched you.

“Here?”

“No. Here.” Pointing to your heart as tears welled in your eyes, Kihyun swallowed roughly, blinking back his rising emotions quickly.

He didn’t want you to think he pitied you.

“You’re so strong.”

“Am I? I hide away from everyone in this room. I hardly face anything these days.”

“You’re still trying your best,” he told you firmly, and you finally looked up at him, the moment supercharged between you.

You nodded distantly eventually. “That’s what the doctors said. Just to try and get through life as best as I can. You’re doing great, Y/N. Am I? It’s so infuriating.”

“Boah said you tried to audition. Was it before or after this?” he questioned cautiously, and you smiled sadly.

“You can say it properly, Kihyun. I was in a fire. My left side is worse than my right.”

“Your left side? You mean it’s more than just on your arms?” he asked, his gaze lowering to the rest of your body.

You reached for your pants’ waistband. “Should I take it all off?”

“No! No. I mean, no, it’s okay. Gosh. I just don’t know what to say.”

“That’s exactly why I hide it. I guess it’s a blessing from the shoulders up that I’m completely normal looking. When you didn’t know, you didn’t have any problems talking to me.”

“I’m not going to stop,” he reaffirmed, and you were taken aback, staring at him to decipher what he meant. Kihyun smiled softly. “You’re you. Okay, so I’m really overwhelmed right now. And feeling like an absolute asshole for how much I pushed you before—”

“You pushed me because you believe in me.”

“I still do.”

“Yeah but now you’re retracting that push because I’m scarred from the hottest flames I’ve ever experienced.”

He shook his head. “I’d push for you even knowing this.”

“Really?” you asked, unconvinced.

“I would. If you want it, I’d push for you to get there. No matter what it takes.”

You sighed. “A shame I’m never going to stop being damaged goods. I couldn’t handle that life. Most of my burns were only second-degree ones, but it hasn’t been easy to heal from. Some fabrics bother my skin, so I can’t wear whatever I’d have to as a singer, and I can’t really go around showing all this either. People just stare at my blotchy, discoloured skin. Every audition I went to, I was asked to take off my baggy clothes so they could get a feel for my body shape. Even if I was skinnier, no one would take on a burn’s victim. Unless they were cruel and wanted to use my story to propel me into the public eye using pity tactics for sales.”

“I couldn’t let anyone do that to you.”

You laughed. “What are you? My big bad protective idol bodyguard or something?”

Kihyun grinned. “I could be if you want me to be. And my members too. We’d show everyone what the monster part in our name really means.”

“Oh, God. The imagery,” you replied with a scrunch to your nose, shaking your head. “No thanks.”

“What did you think of?” he mused, and you leaned away from his close proximity and shook your head again. “Ah, damn Changkyun and that line he used about us in that interview.”

“You remember that? After countless interviews?”

Kihyun shrugged. “Best to keep tabs of what people might hold against you.”

“The fans like it, I’m sure.”

“Are you a fan?”

You stepped back again, your cheeks flaming. “Listen, you’re really all over the place right now.”

“Sue me for being overwhelmed.”

“Thank you for not acting like I’m a freak,” you suddenly stated, looking back at him, the amusement gone from your gaze. “I appreciate it.”

“You’re you, Y/N,” he told you again, gently reaching out to smooth down your hair and cup your head in his palm. “It’s hard for someone like me to meet people who get me. Whilst we’re still new friends, I value you a great deal.”

“Such a charmer with your words,” you muttered, and Kihyun chuckled.

“I am kind of good at it, huh?”

“Just a little,” you agreed with a smile.

“I’m probably going to be in heaps of trouble by now,” Kihyun said with a cringe, lowering his hand from your head. “I better go appease my manager and make up for stalling the schedule. But… are we good?”

“Good, how?”

“No longer arguing? We can go back to singing together next week?” he asked nervously, and you nodded.

“You better come prepared to belt out some notes with me. We need to catch up on the session we missed today.”

“You know me. Always ready to sing with you,” he offered, watching your smile grow shy. He liked that he could still do that to you.

“Go before I have an even guiltier conscience of ruining your schedule.”

“You haven’t ruined anything, Y/N. But before I go…” He trailed off, pulling his phone out and cleared all the messages and missed calls from his notifications. Opening up his contacts, he then held the device out to you. “Can we be like normal friends and exchange numbers? It kind of bothered me that I couldn’t contact you about how I left things last time.”

“Same,” you confessed, reaching out and punching in your number before handing it back. Kihyun pressed call, and your phone started to vibrate on the table.

He grinned. “I’ll message you later?”

“Tell me what your punishment is,” you mused, waving him off, and Kihyun stepped out of your practice room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Holding his phone over his heart for a moment, he regathered his emotions before walking calmly down to the waiting room.

He hadn’t seen Joonhyung thunderous often. At least, not because of him anyway. However, he had seen it before and didn’t like seeing it now. “I swear I have a genuine reason for why I broke every rule in the idol-manager handbook right now.”

“You better. And you need to explain to the others too. You’re holding up practice right now.”

I had to do 100 push-ups.

Watching as the read ticket appeared, Kihyun leaned towards his phone and lost focus on the mirrors he was cleaning.

Is that all? I thought they’d withhold dinner too.

Chuckling, Kihyun hurried to reply with that he hadn’t eaten yet because he was in charge of cleaning the studio too.

“She better be worth it,” a voice mentioned, and Kihyun frowned at Minhyuk’s comment. “What? All I’m saying is you’re never this late if you can help it. And you scold Hyungwon when he’s only ten minutes late.”

“I was on time today too,” the member in question stated from across the studio, and Kihyun groaned.

“It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Do tell us what we’re thinking,” Hyunwoo offered with a smile, and Kihyun shook his head.

“She’s a singer.”

“Ohhh! How high does she make your falsetto go?” Jooheon teased, and Kihyun folded his arms across his chest in annoyance.

“You met her at vocal training?” Changkyun surmised, and Kihyun nodded.

“She’s a friend. A very talented friend.”

“What’s her name? I’ll look her up,” Minhyuk asked curiously, holding up his phone.

“You won’t find her like that,” Kihyun answered with a sigh, looking at his members. “Guys, what should I do? I envisioned being able to sing with Y/N on stage, at least just once. But it’s not going to be a reality.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” he started with another sigh, looking at your cheerful response to his message, his mind thinking back to when you pulled off your hoodie earlier. “It will hurt her to.”

_________________

Part 4

[MONSTA X Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

#kwritersworldnet #kdiarynet #kihyun fiction #kihyun fanfic #kihyun angst #kihyun scenarios #kihyun romance #kihyun au #monsta x fiction #monsta x fanfic #monsta x angst #monsta x scenarios #monsta x au #monsta x romance #pwyl; out of the shadows #kpop fiction #kpop fanfic #kpop angst #kpop romance

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puckbuddies · 4 years

Text

4 times Mat was caught simping by his friends and 1 time you caught him.

Mat Barzal x reader

4375 words

Thank you to @smiley-svechnikov for helping me with it :)

September 30th

When Anthony walked into Mat’s apartment, he expected to find his teammate on the sofa. What he didn’t expect however, was to find Mat laying on the sofa reading a book. He’d never in their however many years of knowing each other seen Mat read a book for fun. Tito had come over to see if Mat wanted to grab some lunch together on their day off but now his interests had changed.

Mat still hadn’t noticed the presence of his friend, being too concentrated on what he was reading to pay attention to his surroundings. Hearing a cough broke him out of his trance and made him let out a startled noise. Shooting up from his position on his couch, he came eye to eye with the blue eyes of his favorite teammate. If he hadn’t been so caught if guard, he would have noticed the impressed look in them.

“You scared the shit out of me.” was the only thing Mat could think of to say at that moment.

Tito let out a laugh at his reaction.

“How about you scaring me? I come over here to find you reading. Like an actual book, are you okay Barzy?”

Mat knew that Tito was just teasing him but he still rolled his eyes in over dramatic Barzal fashion. He’d read books in the past. Granted they were about hockey, but they were books nonetheless.

“Y/n just finished this one and she’s been talking about it all week. I figured I could just read it so I actually knew what she’s talking about next time. It’s longer than I expected it to be so it’s taking more time that I planned.”

Tito’s eyes widened slightly. Mat said it so casually, as if that was a normal thing to do for someone who was supposedly ‘just a friend’.

Obviously he didn’t believe it when Mat told him that. There was no way you and Mat were just friends. But Anthony wasn’t someone who meddles in others people’s business. Besides, he didn’t want to put any pressure on yours and Mat’s friendship in case the two of you hadn’t figured it out yet. However at this moment he couldn’t help himself.

His scoff confused Mat who didn’t feel like he’d said something strange. His look of confusing forced Anthony to explain.

“Oh come on, you’re reading a book for her. Don’t act like everything is normal. I can ignore you paying for all her drinks and you giving her your sweatshirts when she’s cold but I can’t ignore this. You have to see it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And he really didn’t. Mat was clueless as to what Tito was hinting at.

“You don’t have to tell me anything but just think about it. You are reading a book she likes and she hasn’t even asked you to read it, surely that means something. I came here to ask you if you wanted to get lunch but from the Taco Bell on the table I see you’ve already eaten so I’ll just leave you to it.”

All Mat did was let out a noise of agreement before his teammate was out the door. He stared at his book with a vacant look for a while trying to process what Tito meant with what he said. Suddenly he didn’t feel like reading anymore. Leaving the book on the table next to his empty wrappings from before, he took off to take a shower.

Mat Barzal was simping before he even realized he was.

December 12th

Mat didn’t really think about Tito’s words much longer. They were out of his head as soon as he was out of the shower. That was a couple of weeks ago and nothing had changed in the way he thought about you. He still called you after every game to let out his happiness about winning or to discuss the things he could’ve done better.

Tomorrow however he wouldn’t have to do that anymore seeing as you were flying out to stay in New York for a week. And Mat was fucking excited about it. He hadn’t seen you in person since September when his training camp started and you had college to attend, and that was almost three months ago.

September was always the hardest month to go through. After spending practically the entire off season in Vancouver together, being in different countries was a big change.

Mat could barely contain his excitement driving to the airport. Messages were just not enough anymore when he got to talk to the real you in approximately 20 minutes. Seeing you standing at the airport with your bags waiting for him to pick you up, all he could think about was how it was all worth it.

His feelings of excitement continued all throughout the next day as well. He’d never had as much trouble taking his pregame nap as that day.

But getting ready to leave for the arena, he felt good. On the one hand he was nervous because he wanted to play well, but on the other hand having you there calmed him down like nothing else could. He was feeling confident in himself and the team and was sure they were going to pull out a win.

You on the other hand, were shitting it. It had been a while since you had seen Mat play in real life and you really wanted him to win. More than that you wanted him to enjoy himself and winning was a lot more fun than losing. On top of that Mat had insisted you sit with the Wags who you didn’t really know all that well. He’d assured you they were all great and while you believed that, you still felt like you’d be an outsider. It might look like you were his girlfriend -you were wearing his jersey after all- but you certainly weren’t and you weren’t sure if you could handle any questions about your relationship.

You decided you should tell him how you felt in an attempt to calm yourself down. So when you got into the car to drive to the arena the first words out of your mouth were: “Mat I’m nervous.”. You knew you were overreacting and felt a bit silly for being this nervous when Mat was the one who actually had to get on the ice and do something.

Mat however never made you feel stupid about anything, not even something as small as this.

“Why? You just have to go meet some new people and absolutely amaze them with your personality, which by the way comes naturally and takes you no effort because you are amazing, and then I’ll spend the rest of the season answering questions about when I’ll bring you around again.”

His words were teasing but you knew he meant them and it still helped you feel more at ease about the situation you were about to find yourself in.

“How about this, I’ll walk you up to the box so you don’t have to go in there alone.” He continued still sensing your anxiety.

Your heart swelled up at the suggestion. Mat just kept amazing you with what he was willing to do for you.

“Would you not be late if you do that?”

“Nah it’ll be fine, I’ll just have to get dressed a bit faster.” He hesitated after that and turned to you with a smirk on his face. “Or I could just drive a little faster.”

This caused you to panic and slap his arm closest to you. “No you can’t do that! We won’t even make it to the arena.”

Mat let you his typical laugh at that and the last of your worries flooded to the back of your mind.

When you arrived, Mat kept his promise and went with you to meet the Wags for the first time. You might have not noticed the smile on his face after he hugged you and once again whispered in your ear that it would all be fine, but they sure did.

December 13th

When you woke up the next day, you felt a little bit of a headache coming up. The Isles did manage to pull out a win the night before and Tito practically forced you and Mat to go out and celebrate with the rest of the team. While you really liked the other Wags, you were still a bit uncomfortable holding a conversation with them so you had decided to drink just enough to take the edge off.

You thanked your past self for being responsible and for not trying to keep up with Mat, who drank a lot more than you did. You still didn’t understand how that boy could drink so much and still be able to walk. Thinking back to last night, you felt it was a good idea to go check up on him and see how he was doing. Making the short trip to the other side of the hallway didn’t take much time even if you did stop at the bathroom to check your reflection. When you reached your destination, you were surprised to not see Mats face staring back at you from his bed.

Checking up on the kitchen and living room, you still couldn’t find Mat and you were starting to get a little worried. He hadn’t left the apartment after you went to sleep had he? Pulling your phone out to send a quick message to Tito asking if he’d seen Mat, an unread message from the boy in question caught your attention.

“Getting breakfast, be back in 20.”

received 18 minutes ago

Okay, so you were worried for no reason. At least you knew where he was now.

You settled down at the kitchen island and entertained yourself with your phone until Mat came back about ten minutes later.

“You’re about six minutes late Barzal. Any excuses?” was what you opened with once you saw him come into the kitchen.

“You know, funny story because you said that to mock me but I do actually have an excuse.”

You looked at him expectantly and he looked back with a playful expression on his face. When he doesn’t say anything else for a few moments you notice he has his hands behind his back. Looking back up at him, you raise an eyebrow to signal for him to continue.

Your whole face lit up when he pulls breakfast from behind his back along with a small bouquet of flowers.

“Oh my god you got me flowers? Why would you do that?”

“Apparently there’s a new flower shop next to the place I always get my breakfast and these were in the windowsill. I know they’re your favorite so I couldn’t not buy them.”

The last of his words were muffled as you jumped up to give him the biggest hug possible, thank yous coming out of your mouth for the next minute. As you finally settled down to eat together after a while, you couldn’t stop smiling. You still couldn’t believe Mat got you flowers.

After cleaning up the dishes you took to Instagram to post the beautiful bouquet on your story. And when Mat got a phone call from one of your mutual friends that night to taunt him about the flowers, he began to understand why people always called him out on his actions.

June 2nd

You knew going out the day before was a bad idea. Mat had invited you to the lake with him and a couple of his friends and because you couldn’t say no to him, you went. And you got sunburned. It wasn’t your fault really, you had applied sunscreen at least three times but it happened to be exceptionally hot that day. Besides that, being out on the water for four hours didn’t make the situation any better.

It was mostly your back that was hurting and it prevented you from finding a comfortable position in your bed. After another painful turn you decided that you needed to go find a bottle of after-sun asap. Turning on the bathroom light you came into contact with your reflection for the first time that day. Your face and arms were slightly red but your back somehow looked even worse than it felt. Silently cursing Mat for convincing you to go out and yourself for not putting up more of a fight you opened the cabinet door in search of the bottle that would relieve you of your pain.

Except you couldn’t find it, neither in that cabinet or the next. It occurred to you that you might’ve left it at your friend’s house when you last went swimming. Concluding that you weren’t going to find it in your room, you went to your parents bathroom. Alas, the universe had apparently decided that today wasn’t your day as you couldn’t find anything. Your luck got even better as you remembered your parents were out with friends and had taken the car so that you couldn’t even go to the store to buy a new bottle.

Going back to your room to find your phone, you saw that it was only half past eight. Part of you felt guilty having to call Mat at such an early time to help you out somehow. The other part of you felt like it was at least a little justified as it was him you asked you to stay out in the sun. You sent him a text anyway asking if he was awake yet. It took a while for Mat to reply but when he did you took no time to call him figuring it would be easier to beg him that way.

“Hello?”

His voice wasn’t as deep as it usually was in the mornings. It even sounded like he was a little out of breath. Deciding to not waste any more time you got straight to the point.

“What are you doing right now?”

The reason why Mat was out of breath was because he was training with Tyson that morning. Looking back it hadn’t been his smartest decision to agree to an early morning workout after not having slept a lot the night before.

“I’m training with Tys today. Why? Is something wrong?”

“Oh no I’m fine, I’m just dying a slow and painful death at this moment.”

Mat’s first instinct was to panic at your words until he realized that you had to be fine if you had the option to be that over dramatic. Before he could respond though, Tyson called for his attention.

“Are we running or what?”

Waving him off with his hand Mat turned to speak to you again.

“I’m kind of busy right now but I’ll call you back after if you want me to?”

“No please I actually need your help.” Your response came very quickly and it peaked his interest. “I am really fucking sunburned and I’ve searched my entire house but I can’t find any after-sun. On top of that my parent apparently enjoy to see me suffer because they’ve taken the car so I can’t go to the store. I guess my question is if you would maybe perhaps please go to the store and pick up a bottle for me?”

Your voice had gotten higher as you came to the end of your little speech clearly indicating that you needed something from him. Even though Mat couldn’t see your face, he knew that you were putting on your best puppy eyes.

“ I’ll go to the store after I’m done here.”

“But that’s still so long.” You whined dragging out your last word. “I’m actually in a lot of pain and you are my only hope right now. Please Mat.”

He could argue all he wanted, but deep down Mat knew that he’d made his decision already. He couldn’t say no to you even if he tried. He sighed and at that moment you knew you’d won.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” you sang happily through the phone.

“Yeah yeah only this one time though.”

His words had no truth behind them. And now he had to explain to Tyson why he had to quit their workout after only forty minutes.

When Mat turned around, he found Tyson already looking at him with a smirk that Mat had become quite familiar with in the last year or so and it was reserved specifically for these types of situations.

“So I actually have to go right now, y/n needs my help.”

This caused Tyson to burst out laughing.

“Barzy you are so incredibly whipped.”

Mat only rolled his eyes in response knowing it was useless to try and change Tyson’s mind. He packed up his things and made an effort to avoid eye contact as he left the field.

+ 1. Driving past the city lights made all the tension in your shoulders disappear. This has been just what you needed, only now realizing the stress of trying to find a job was really getting to you. The two-month break after finishing university was a well needed rest after four years of hard work but you were well aware that it couldn’t last forever. You had to start living your life now. Getting an apartment in Vancouver was far from cheap and finding a job was proving to be harder that you’d thought.

Sighing contently and resting your head on the window you turn to Mat. He looks ridiculously good driving his car under streetlights. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were so deep in the friendzone you could stare at him forever. But Mat being Mat had to ruin the peaceful atmosphere by belting out the lyrics to whatever song had just come on the radio.

“Jesus Christ Mat, if I wanted to listen to off key singing I would just record myself.”

“Oh don’t do me like that y/n, you know I have the voice of an angel.”

“One that’s getting his wings ripped out maybe.”

Mat gave you an offended look.

‘Okay rude. Don’t forget who’s driving an hour to bring you to go stargazing in the fricking middle of the night. Don’t be ungrateful”

It was your turn to be offended now.

“Which was your idea must I remind you. But you are right, I appreciate it very much.”

He looked happy with your response as he went back to quietly singing along to the radio. It wouldn’t take too long for you to arrive at your destination. You recognized the signs by the side of the road.

Excitement filled your stomach. You hadn’t been at the lookout in a couple of months and while you knew Mat was joking about you needing to thank him, you were really grateful for him taking you. This specific lookout had been your happy place ever since you first discovered it when you were fifteen. And now being twenty-two, it still had an effect on you. Mats voice broke you out of your thoughts once again.

“So, you can tell me how much you love me when we get out of the car and under the sky. Unless your plan is to just sit in the car and look out the window.��

“Yeah no that is actually what I wanted to do, I’m so glad we’re on the same wavelength.”

Your statement was followed by a challenging smile that you regretted as soon as he sent you one of his own in return. You knew Mat was stubborn, annoyingly so. And now your stupid comment meant that he would not be getting out of his car until you took it back. In a different situation you would have sat like this for hours but on this specific night you really needed to see the stars to calm the doubts that seemed to follow you around.

“Just get out of the car.” You sighed while opening up the door on your side.

Walking to the picnic bench in the middle of the grass you could hear his laughter even before he got out of the car.

“How do you always know exactly how to get on my nerves Barzal?”

You didn’t have to wait long on his response.

“Because I know you. I have known you. For about ten years now. You might think you’re mysterious but you’re far from it.”

You chuckle at that, choosing to close your eyes and lay your head down on the bench. A moment of silence comes over both of you. Turning to face Mat you see he’s already looking at you.

“Tell me.”

Your reaction draws a small smile from him and you feel the sudden urge to run your fingers over his cheeks to try and capture it in your hands.

“I know that you did not want to come say hello when you moved into the house next to mine. I know that your dad forced you to and that you thanked him for it a year later because you met me.”

You almost pushed him off the bench for that but the smile on your face told Mat that you weren’t really annoyed at him. He stopped talking for a while after he heard it. Crazy how you could make him lose his train of thought by doing something so easy. He realized after a while that he should probably continue talking, more for his sake than yours.

“I know that your least favorite color is purple but that you don’t like saying that because it makes you feel bad. I know that you don’t like to put your hair in a ponytail because it gives you a headache. I know that your favorite book is the song of Achilles and that you get sunburned by being in the sun for like thirty minutes and that despite that you’re always out of after-sun.”

His face turned serious after that.

“I know that coming here and watching the stars is your favorite way to calm down but that you’ve not asked me to bring you because you don’t want to bother me. I know that you’ve been extremely stressed thinking now that you’ve finished school you have a deadline to do all the adult things you feel like you’ve missed out on until now. I know that thinking about the future freaks you out and that all you want to do right now is just lay here and not go back home.”

You don’t speak after Mat finished his little monologue, trying to process what he had just said.

“But I know that you’ll be fine.”

This causes you to scoff. The fact that he was trying to reassure you was sweet really, but you knew that he couldn’t possibly be sure of that. Mat was great at pretty much everything he did, but no one could predict the future.

“Y/n I know that you don’t believe me but everything will turn out alright.”

“And how do you know that Mat? I appreciate you being here for me but the things I’m dealing with are slightly out of your field of expertise. I’m terrified that I’ve spend my entire life studying for something that I’m completely unprepared for. I have no idea what direction I want to go in with my professional career and I don’t have time to think about it because I need to find an apartment in like three months unless I want to live with my parents for the rest of my young adulthood. I can’t afford to wait much longer.”

“Move in with me then.”

Everything paused for a second. You almost asked him to repeat himself but the look in his eyes told you that you’d heard him right the first time. You took the time that it took you to slowly sit up from your position on the bench to collect your thoughts. Still you couldn’t come up with much more than “You don’t mean that.”

“I get that you’re stressed about everything right now, but you don’t have to be. I can help you figure it out.”

“Mat you’re not serious” you interrupted him. “I can’t ask you to babysit me, you have your own things to deal with.”

“You’re not asking me to. And I’m not babysitting you, I want you in New York with me as much you need an apartment.”

Your head was spinning even more than at the start of the evening. Moving in with Mat. It would be everything you’ve ever wanted. But it wasn’t like that. He wanted you there to take care of you as a friend. As much as it hurt you to say no to him, you knew that you couldn’t do it like that.

“Mat I can’t ask you to put your life on pause for me. I-”

“Y/n I love you. I have no idea how you haven’t figured it out by now because my friends have reassured me that I’ve been very obvious, but I. Love. You. I’ve wanted to ask you to move with me for an entire year now. I want you with me not to take care of you but to hold you and kiss you and reassure you. I want to give you the future you want. And I can give it to you.”

At this point Mat was furiously running his fingers through his hair and you were staring at him open-mouthed.

“I’ve probably fucked everything up by saying this but I can’t let you believe that you don’t deserve everything good the world had to offer.”

You couldn’t think. It was like your body was moving on auto-pilot. So it surprised you just as much as it did Mat when you jumped up to press your lips against his. You pulled back quickly though to start your own rant.

“Mat I want that. I want you, in Vancouver and in New York and everywhere you’ll take me.”

You didn’t need a reply. The way he kissed you told you that he was on board with anything you said. And you were so exited about it.

#mat barzal #mathew barzal #mat barzal imagine #Mat #Things I write

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