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withleeknow · 4 months

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wishful thinking. (02)

chapter two: in plain sight

summary: the instruction was plain and simple: no strings attached. but you should’ve known from the beginning that it could never apply to you and him.

pairing: minho x f!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres: friends to lovers, friends with benefits au, college au; fluff, angst, smut warnings: cursing, drinking, suggestive content at the end, could've been edited more but oh well lol word count: 4.9k

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

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Damn baby, I'm a train wreck, too I lose my mind when it comes to you I take time with the ones I choose And I don't want to smile if it ain't from you

boyfriend - Ariana Grande ft. Social House

You end up not seeing Minho, nor any of your other friends, at all in the few days leading up to Yeonjun’s party.

True to your words, you were mostly holed up in your place, running on nothing but caffeine and sheer frustration, trying to finish your elective class’ final paper on the differences between the views of Greek philosophers. Time really flies when you wish it would slow down, because you could've used a couple more days to perfect the godforsaken thing.

You’ve been texting Minho though, and honestly, the man is practically a saint. You barely even talked about anything besides your stupid paper and your high maintenance perfectionist professor, and yet, he still listened to you yap away. He even offered to help you with your footnotes and citations, which you didn’t need, but the gesture was nice. If you had turned to Seungmin with your whining, he probably would've muted your notifications after three messages.

Regardless, all complaining aside, you did manage to pull through and finish the paper in the end, letting out a big sigh of relief the very second you clicked on the Send button on yours and your professor’s email thread just five minutes before the deadline.

Before you know it, it's already Saturday and Minho should be here any minute now so you two could go to the party. You’ve been working hard. You deserve to let a little loose tonight.

Even though a college party isn’t exactly your top choice of ways to wind down from stress, the mention of free and unlimited booze sure does sound alluring.

When your phone lights up with a simple i’m here from Minho, you quickly throw on a cardigan over a simple black camisole and denim shorts and check your makeup in the mirror one last time before heading downstairs. He texted you a couple hours ago, saying he had some stuff to pick up near your place and asking if you wanted to walk to Yeonjun’s together. You sent him back an enthusiastic yes!!! in a matter of seconds, because lord knows you’d rather not enter the front door of that house unaccompanied.

You opted for a simple fit tonight, mostly because you couldn’t be bothered to put on anything more decent only to go to the equivalent of a frat party.

“Hey, Min.” Your voice pulls him away from scrolling through his phone, diverting his attention to you instead.

“Hey,” he says, tucking the device into the pocket of his jeans. When he gives you a once-over, you do a little twirl for him, finishing off with an exaggerated kick of your foot at the end. “You look nice.”

“Just ‘nice’? I’m trying to get laid tonight. ‘Nice’ isn’t gonna cut it,” you joke.

He stares at you, a bashful expression befalling his features, the corner of his mouth lifted upward as he smiles in hubris. “You’re trying to get laid by whom?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “You tell me.”

He rolls his eyes affectionately before throwing an arm around your shoulders to pull you close. One of his hands musses up your hair that you spent twenty minutes trying to make look perfect, prompting you to poke him in the side so he would let go of you.

“Hey!” you scowl, smoothing over the strands that he flicked out of place. “I worked hard on that!”

“Sorry,” he chuckles, clearly amused by the temporarily sulky look on your face. “Didn’t want you to look too pretty. Can’t have all of the attention on you. Someone might try to steal you away from me.”

“Did it occur to you that maybe I want some attention tonight? I’ve been a hermit all week, I deserve a little something.”

“Is my attention not enough for you?”

You squint at him for a second. Then, you start walking in the direction of Yeonjun’s house without waiting for him. You hear Minho launch a laugh your way, and the scuffling of his shoes on the concrete pavement as he easily catches up with you in a few strides.

He leans down to whisper directly into your ear, making your cheeks heat up but you’re glad that they’re partially masked by the poorly lit street. “You know you never have to try.”

The walk to the party takes about fifteen minutes. When you’re rounding the street corner that leads to Yeonjun’s place, you can already hear the booming music coming from the biggest house on the block. Even from a distance, you can see people on the lawn and the two balconies on the second floor. You gotta give it to the guy - he sure knows how to throw a party.

The second you enter the premises, you’re almost taken aback by how crowded it actually is even though you expected this. A typical Yeonjun party.

You tug on Minho’s shirt, beckoning him to bend down so you could talk into his ear over the sounds of bad EDM and people basically having to scream in each other’s faces. “Are Hyunjin and the others here yet?” you ask.

“They got here right before us. I think they’re in-”

“Y/N!” The two of you whip around at the sound of a shrill voice calling out your name. Yeonjun practically shoves his way through the crowd of people when he spots you, bounding up to you and Minho with a bright grin on his face. “Glad you could make it!” he says, paying no mind to the man next to you at all. He eyes you up and down, shamelessly tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. “Damn, you look really good tonight.”

You give him a playful eye roll. Nonetheless, you still tell him, “Thanks.”

“You look that good to come to my party?”

You don’t mind at all the fact that Yeonjun is a natural flirt. That’s just a part of his personality, he’s inherently charming like that. It’s harmless and it doesn’t make you uncomfortable. Everything is all in good fun.

“Would you believe me if I said this is what I’d wear on a midnight convenience store run?”

“Ouch, you wound me.” Yeonjun says, holding a hand over his heart to emphasize his point. “C’mon, you can admit it.”

You open your mouth, a quick comeback about to be thrown his way but Minho chimes in from beside you.

“You should believe her,” he deadpans, stepping closer to you, one of his hands grazing your back. He's even standing straighter, with his chest all puffed out. “She even dresses like that when she takes out the trash.”

You turn to gasp at him before punching him right in the pec. “Hey!” Yeonjun is all but forgotten in a blink of an eye, because you have to defend your honor first.

“What? I’ve seen you do it wearing this exact same outfit.”

“Stop lying. It’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? I distinctly remember you wearing this when you went to take out the trash that night a couple of weeks ago while we were hanging out at your place.”

“Nuh uh. I didn’t take out the trash that night,” you protest, frowning. “I made you throw it out for me on your way-”

Yeonjun interrupts you with a chuckle, glancing between you and Minho as he gives your friend's shoulder an awkward pat. They share a look that you don’t quite understand. “Alright, duly noted. I’m gonna make myself scarce,” he says. “Help yourselves. Booze is in the kitchen!”

After you’ve finally squeezed your way into the kitchen that’s overflowing with people, you narrow your eyes at Minho. “What was that about?”

“What?” He scans the selection of liquor bottles on the kitchen island before asking you, “Rum and Coke?”

Your favorite.

You nod eagerly, momentarily distracted before you have to circle back to your question.

“What was all that back there with Yeonjun, Mr. Grumpy Cat?”

“What was what?” He pulls out two solo cups from a nearby stack, along with some napkins, and meticulously wipes the plastic cups even though they look pretty clean to you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You raise a disbelieving eyebrow. He shrugs.

“I didn’t know you and Yeonjun were that close.” Minho seems casual as he tells you this, not looking at you as he fetches the necessary liquor and soda from the sea of glass and plastic bottles in front of you.

“We’re not. I’m kinda friends with him because Jess is friends with him.”

“Okay,” he acknowledges, though he doesn’t seem entirely pleased with… you don’t even know what. “I don’t like him. He’s loud.”

“That’s not a reason. Aren’t you friends with him too?”

You watch as he mixes your drinks, a sight you’re familiar with whenever you attend house parties together. He’s always your designated bartender.

One for you, one for him.

One part rum, two and a half parts coke.

“It is a reason. And ‘friends’ is a stretch,” he says, handing you your cup before he tends to his own. His has less liquor in it, because you both know you like yours stronger. “We’re acquaintances at best.”

“You’re loud too.”

“My brand of loud is different.”

“Is it?”

He gives you a look. An offended cat, if you’ve ever seen one.

“Well, Yeonjun’s not bad,” you tell him. You take a sip of the drink, then give him a subsequent thumbs-up. “He can be a bit much for some people, but I don’t really mind it.”

When he’s done, you both try to navigate the battlefield that is Yeonjun’s extremely cramped abode. You try to stay as close to him as possible, meaning away from the loud boys that are either trying to get shitfaced as quickly as possible, or trying to suck faces with any girl they could find as quickly as possible.

“Still. You don’t think the flirting was a bit much?”

Minho pulls you to him by your elbow when some guy - probably a little more than tipsy, judging by the unsteadiness of the legs that carry him - tries to bulldoze his way through the crowd behind you.

“He’s always like that. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s harmless.”

“If he asks you out, would you say yes?”

You blink at him in surprise, feeling like the question came out of nowhere. “What kind of question is that?”

“It’s just a question,” he says, then repeats himself. “So, if he asks you out, would you say yes?”

You let him guide you to a spot that’s more breathable, where people aren’t practically on top of each other trying to weave their way through. You think about it for a second, then realize that there isn’t much to think about. “No,” you say decisively.

Because it doesn’t make sense to envision you and Yeonjun together. You practically sit on two opposing ends of the same spectrum. People often say that opposites attract, but this isn’t one of those cases.

And… because you simply feel strange thinking about yourself and someone else. Like it's something you shouldn't do.

Minho gives you a hum in acknowledgment of your answer, which you barely catch over the loudness of the party. You do catch the hint of a smile that tugs at the corner of his lip though, before he cranes his neck to scan the room for any trace of your gang of thieves.

“If I didn’t know any better,” you run the words over in your head before you decide to utter them out loud. Like you told him just now, harmless, right? “I’d say you’re jealous of Yeonjun.”

He turns, stares at you for a moment with unreadable eyes.

“And what if I am?”

There’s something incredulous in the way you look at him. You think he would just wave you off or roll his eyes and move onto a new topic, not expecting him to fire back with a question you can’t really answer.

Or maybe he’s just playing along. You can’t tell.

“Am I that good in bed?” you chuckle, hoping he doesn’t notice the inkling of nervousness in your voice. “Did I do a number on you?”

He raises both eyebrows, pursing his lips as if in thought. Then, he answers, “Something like that.”

There’s a part of you that wants to dig deeper, to get him to say what he really means because there’s something in his eyes and there’s something in the way that his hand has moved to its designated place on the small of your back that makes your stomach roll with anticipation.

Again, you don’t like that he keeps getting harder for you to read.

You try to think of words to say, of questions to ask, though you know this party isn’t the best place to voice them. “What d-”

“There you are!” Hyunjin pops up from behind Minho, practically jumping onto his back like a jumpscare ghost in a horror game, startling the both of you and almost making the grumpy cat spill his drink. Minho groans as he tries to shove his friend off, before sending Hyunjin a glare that makes the man bow his head in apology. He promptly drags you to where your friends are gathered on a big couch near the back of the room - Chan and his girlfriend Jess, Seungmin, Changbin, along with a distinct absence of a few more faces.

“Where are the others?” you ask, plopping down next to Changbin, followed suit by Minho.

“Jisung is stuck finishing a project,” Chan informs you. “And Jeongin is taking his girl to that new drive-in movie place.”

“They’re still in their honeymoon phase?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Ah yes, young love. Good for them.”

You catch up with everyone about your week, about their week; gossip about how much Yeonjun might’ve spent on this party and where his family’s downright insane wealth actually comes from, about Seungmin’s on-and-off situationship (which might be more interesting than all of the above).

Minho remains seated next to you the entire time you’re all drinking and laughing with each other. He keeps subtly touching you one way or another - a hand on your back because no one’s really noticing, a shoulder brushing yours, a thigh touching yours, a knee nudging your own every now and then.

It’s not until you finish your drink that Minho asks if you want another one, then stands up to head to the kitchen when you say Yes, please.

The second he’s out of earshot, Hyunjin jumps into action, motioning for everyone to huddle together, like he’s about to share classified information.

“Minho is seeing someone,” he says immediately.

“What?” Changbin asks. You hope he doesn’t notice the way your body immediately stiffens at the conversation’s sudden turn. You try to look as nonchalant and quiet as possible, as if this is just a talk about the weather, missing the way a pair of eyes flits to you outside of your peripheral vision.

Hyunjin purses his lips, before clarifying, “I went through his phone last week.”

“You went through his phone?” Chan frowns, shaking his head disapprovingly. “That’s not cool, dude.”

“He was in the bathroom and his phone was just sitting there unlocked. Then he got a text and I had to!” Hyunjin holds up his hands defensively. “Anyway, I don’t know if they’re dating or if they’re just fooling around, but there is someone! He’s simping hard.”

“How do you know that?” Seungmin chimes in. “Do you even know who it is?”

“I don’t know who it is. That’s what I need you guys to help me find out. There wasn’t a name name. He just calls her his-”

“What on earth are you guys doing?” Minho’s voice makes everyone disperse, leaning back into their respective seats like they were caught doing something they shouldn’t. He sits down beside you again, handing you your cup back. You give him an appreciative but awkward smile. “What is Hyunjin blabbing about this time?”

“Nothing!” Hyunjin practically squeaks. The poor guy can’t spin a little white lie to save his life. Then he has the audacity to look offended as he gapes, “Also, why did you automatically assume it was me?”

“Because it’s always you at the scene of the crime.”

“It happened one time! No, twice. It was only those two ti-!”

Seungmin cuts in flatly. “He said you’re whipped for a girl you’re seeing.”

Everyone stops to stare at Minho. Even you turn your head to look at him, trying to gauge how he’ll respond to this. It makes you a little guilty, seeing that you’re part of the secret too, and yet he has to shoulder the lies by himself.

Well, technically, there hasn’t been any lying involved up until now. Just a simple withholding of the truth.

His face hardens for a brief moment, and you think he lets it show on purpose - his way of telling Hyunjin that he’s annoyed - because Minho can put on a flawless poker face when he wants to. There’s a couple of seconds where he clenches his jaw before he relaxes, the sharpness of his features softening as he shrugs off the accusation. “I am most certainly not whipped for anyone,” he says. “It’s just a casual thing.”

“If it’s just casual, why were you being so secretive about it, huh?” Hyunjin prods.

“I wasn’t being secretive. I just didn’t think it was anybody’s business,” Minho answers coolly.

“We’re your best friends! I tell you guys everything.”

“You sure do. Even things I’d rather not hear about.”

Jess and Changbin burst into light laughter, and you chuckle along with them but you don’t really find it that funny. You’re just trying to blend into the background, be a fly on the wall and observe how things unfold. Minho has assured you that there’s nothing for you to worry about, that there’s no way they could find out about the secret, but still.

Hyunjin groans exasperatedly. The nosiest drama queen you know. “Seriously, who’s the girl? I’m dying of curiosity here!”

“Drop it.” Minho glares at him.

“Just give me a hint! Is it someone we know?”

“You haven’t eaten tissues in a while, have you?”

“Try me. I’m not scared of you anymore.”

“Hyunjin, I swear to-”

“Okay!” Chan claps his hands together suddenly. “Let’s just all agree that we are all entitled to our privacy and people can share whatever they want with whoever they want when they’re comfortable, yeah?”

Everyone nods in agreement, except for Hyunjin who narrows his eyes petulantly at Minho as if to say This isn’t over. No one wants to poke a disgruntled tiger, let alone about something he seems so disinterested in sharing. Minho has always been a notoriously private person, even with the rest of the group.

Changbin shuffles a new topic into the mix to move things along, which you aren’t very keen on contributing to at the moment. When no one seems to be looking, Minho places a hand on your knee, rubbing it soothingly as if he can sense the unease that you’re feeling. It makes you glance at him, though neither of you says anything. You just look at each other for a moment, then turn back to the group when someone calls your name.

Two hours and three rum and coke’s later, you were coming down from a good high when someone suggested ditching Yeonjun’s party to go to a club.

Normally, you would say no. You could only do one social event at a time, needing to recharge your metaphorical battery before you let yourself be dragged into the next one.

But you decided to make an exception for tonight.

Though, you promptly realized that it was probably a mistake.

You prefer the loudness of Yeonjun’s party than here. It’s loud and crowded, since it’s a Saturday night, and since it’s a club. The air is sticky and stuffy. The lights are perpetually blinding and headache-inducing. You’re not even on the dancefloor; you’re just hovering near the entrance and the bar, and there’s still barely any room to move. People keep trying to shove you out of their way, even with Minho attempting to act as your human shield.

You let your displeasure be known through a deep frown.

Minho catches onto your chagrin almost immediately. “What’s wrong?” he asks, leaning close to your ear to make sure you hear him over the music.

“Too many people,” you try to raise your voice so the booming noises don’t drown you out. “Can we go somewhere over there?”

He turns around, taps on Chan’s shoulder to get his attention before gesturing vaguely to that spot near the back that you just pointed out to him, presumably to let the others know that you’ll be wandering over there.

He takes your hand and leads the way. In the back, it’s still loud but less deafening than before, and much less crowded compared to the areas surrounding the dance floor.

“Better?” he asks.

You lean against the wall though you probably shouldn’t. The ick is apparent, but at this point in the night, you yourself are already feeling pretty gross anyway.

“A little bit,” you say. “Thanks.”

“You wanna go home? We can leave if you want.”

“Without saying goodbye?”

“Did you know that people who leave parties without saying goodbye save two days a year? It’s been researched.”

You rephrase your words so Minho would understand better. “Without Hyunjin’s permission?”

“Hyunjin has been pissing me off plenty all week. I can play my card for you.”

“What card?”

“The ‘I don’t give a fuck’ card.”

You tilt your head, clearly amused. “And how does that usually work out for you?”

“I don’t care how it works out because Hyunjin is not gonna do anything to me.” He shrugs. “Besides, I can always just throw him in the airfryer when he gets too annoying.”

This makes you laugh, recalling the exact moment Minho brought up the legendary instructions on how to cook Hyunjin.

“How violent,” you comment with a snort.

“He deserves it.”

“You know you still have a soft spot for him,” you say.

“I have a soft spot for you,” he replies.

“Now look who’s trying to get laid.”

He grins. “Could you blame me?”

Some drunk girls stumble into your space on their way to the bathroom, bumping into you, pushing you into Minho’s body where he instinctively puts a hand on your back to keep you steady. You glance up at him after the girls have safely arrived at the bathroom, only to find him already staring down at you. His back is turned toward where the lights are coming from and the angle shrouds his face in darkness, but you can still make out the stars twinkling in his eyes.

The sudden lack of space between your bodies makes your breath hitch.

“Are you still drunk?” he asks.

“No. Not really.” You don’t like the way your voice comes out small, vulnerable.

“I…” he starts, hesitating for a moment before he continues. His eyes flicker to your lips, and the breath that was previously caught in your throat further thickens. “Fuck, I really want to kiss you right now.”

For some reason, your heart leaps to your throat. It’s probably because of the remnants of alcohol refusing to leave your system, because how else would you explain the way your pulse quickens just from hearing those words coming from him?

He bites his lip, similar to how Yeonjun did it just a few hours ago, but seeing Minho do it is at least a hundred times more enticing.

You want him to kiss you too. You really do.

“What if the others see?” you protest meekly, but you’re already staring at his mouth, finding yourself gravitating toward him like he’s got you hypnotized.

“We’re all the way back here,” he tells you. “They won’t see anything.”

He leans closer until his lips are brushing yours. With a hand on your hip and the other on the back of your head, he meets your mouth in a soft kiss, which is a stark contrast to the upbeat and booming music blasting all around you. Some guy drunkenly gives you two a sleazy whistle, the sound coming from somewhere on your right, but neither of you pays it any attention.

Your hands come to clutch at the collar of his shirt like a lifeline. He’s never kissed you outside of the comfort of your bedroom before, let alone amidst a sea of people like this. It feels strange to be intimate with him in public, but at the same time, it excites you. There’s still a sense of anonymity because you’re camouflaged by the lights, masked by the darkness, hiding in plain sight.

The kiss gets more heated. He guides you a step back until you’re all pressed up against the wall, your hands tangling in his hair, tugging on it the way he likes that makes him groan against your mouth. He sucks on your bottom lip before shoving his tongue into your mouth, the wet muscle dancing with yours, making your knees buckle. It’s dizzying. It makes your head spin, and you don’t know if it’s because there’s still enough residual alcohol in your system to knock your world off its axis, or if it’s just him.

The hand previously on your hips sneaks underneath your shirt to rub at your bare skin. He gropes your breasts over the bralette you chose to wear tonight, squeezing the soft flesh in his palm, all the while slotting one of his legs between yours to help you grind on him. Your clothed cunt rolls over the denim of his jeans, and even though the friction is coarse and your movements are limited in this crowded space, the pleasure still sets your entire body alight. Minho spreads all over you like wildfire, and Minho consumes you like a hurricane.

You moan into his mouth when he rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger, over the flimsy material of your undergarment. “Min,” you whimper desperately. You don’t know if he can hear you over the obnoxiously loud sounds coming from the speakers littered all over the place, but he groans against your mouth regardless. Almost like the nickname is driving him crazy.

He pulls back just slightly, to let the both of you catch your breath. “Should we go back to yours?” he asks, eyes still focused on your mouth.

You nod eagerly. You know you must be wet as hell right now, and if you have to wait any longer, you will probably explode from frustration. You might just drag him into that disgusting bathroom over there and let him have his way with you, but you will definitely regret it afterward because it’s a bathroom in a nightclub. It’s beyond revolting.

He helps you smooth out your hair, gentle and tender. In turn, you wipe your lipstick smudges on his face. Instead of taking you by the hand like he did earlier, he wraps an arm around your shoulder and navigates the two of you through the crowd, shielding you from anyone who might bump into you. You lean into the touch; it’s just comforting.

As you make your way back to the group - or what’s left of the group at the moment - his hand drops to his side again. There’s an inkling of disappointment that blossoms in you, but it dissipates quickly when Hyunjin spots you and lights up. Him and Seungmin are at the bar, seemingly trying to get the bartender’s attention. Changbin is next to them, but he doesn’t seem to care about anything other than the girl he’s chatting with. You try to scan the crowd for Chan and Jess, and find them a couple minutes later, standing in a corner, pressed up against each other just like you and Minho moments ago.

“Where did you run off to?” Hyunjin asks. Clearly Chan was too preoccupied with his girlfriend to relay the information.

“It’s too loud in here, I was getting a headache,” you say, only half a lie. You know your face must still be flushed from your impromptu makeout session, but you hope your friend can’t see the rosy shade painting your skin under all the flashing lights. “Min and I just went back there to see if it was quieter.”

“Okay.” He seems to believe you. “We’re trying to get drinks! You want anything?”

“I think I’m gonna just go home. You guys stay and have fun though.”

Hyunjin looks at you like he’s so flabbergasted. “It’s not even 3AM yet!”

“Headache,” you say, pointing to your temple with an exaggeratedly pained expression on your face. “I’ll stay out all night with you next time.”

“But-!” The second he opens his mouth to protest, Minho cuts in sharply, his tone leaving no room for anyone to argue despite the gigantic pout on Hyunjin’s face.

“I’m gonna take her home and call it a night too,” he simply says.

Hyunjin groans, but he relents in the end, muttering to you something that sounds like “You owe me one,” when you go to hug him goodbye. Before you and Minho can reach the door, you hear your man child of a friend call after you two in his pterodactyl voice, “Don’t make Minho’s girl jealous!”

456 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 11 months

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Any tips for new grad students? I'm about to start in the fall and I'm curious how it'll be different/hopefully better than undergrad!

Congratulations, anon!!!

Let's see... some alphabetical tips based on my own experience:

Ask for help. You'll likely have a million questions and, unfortunately, the designated people who can answer them are often crazy busy and may take a while to get back to you, or forget entirely. So don't be afraid to ask for help from whoever might even feasibly know the answer -- including tumblr blogs! You're off to a great start lol

Be on the lookout for advisors early. Whether you're just in need of a singular advisory for a thesis, or if you'll be putting a whole committee together, approach every new instructor with the question, "Would I want them to mentor me through my research?" in the back of your mind. Pay attention to not just their specialties and teaching methods, but who they are as a person. Do you like them? Are you comfortable with them? Do they treat you respectfully? Do they seem to have everything well in hand? I loved my advisor dearly as a person, but he was often waaaaaay behind on his work. Looking back, I would have at least considered choosing someone with better organization/time management skills.

Get good at writing emails. Can you write a succinct, professional sounding email? Great! Get comfortable doing that throughout the whole day. Feeling a little iffy? Practice over the summer. There are a lot of templates online that can help, but you'll want to ensure you're not going into grad school still writing "k thx" from your iPhone at 3:00am. (For the record, your professors may do this, the students should not lol).

Have designated, scheduled downtime. Literally if you don't plan to take a break... you won't be taking a break. Not until your body decides to take one for you, anyway. Friday nights were always my couch potato time. Absolutely no work allowed and no strenuous activity unless it was something I was legitimately excited about (so no getting pressured into outings I didn't actually want to attend). Friday nights were sacred, a time for takeout and only whatever else I felt like doing, usually TV, video games, and vegging out with my cat.

Imposter Syndrome is a BITCH. Luckily, pretty much everyone's got it to a greater or lesser extent, we all just need to acknowledge it more. You know those boards some schools have celebrating places where students have gotten in and other achievements? Yeah, we put one up for failures in our department. Literally a giant, glittery, "CONGRATS YOU DIDN'T GET IT!" board where we hung proposal rejections, grant rejections, school rejections, scholarship rejections, job rejections, and on one memorable occasion a date rejection. I highly recommend it. Nothing lessens the sting quite as much as seeing that you're a part of a sea of similar disappointments and remembering that you're all in the same, often luck-based boat.

Pick a non-academic hobby. Your mental health will thank you, trust me. Like the designated downtime, you need to be doing something that's not reading/writing/researching 24/7. Pick a hobby that in no way relates to academics or your chosen field, preferably something hands-on and creative. Grad school is when I picked up crocheting alongside knitting.

Prepare to hold down two jobs. This really only applies if you're going to be teaching while you get your degree (or if you have an outside job for the paycheck), but I was pretty blindsided by what it took to be a full-time student and a half-time instructor. I don't really have good advice beyond "Figure out your time management skills now" and "Don't pour all your energy into one or the other because the one you've neglected WILL come back to bite you in the ass," but even just being aware of how difficult it is going to be would have staved off the initial shock.

Read strategically. Perhaps this is different for someone not in the Humanities, but you will be reading a LOT in grad school. Like, an absolutely stupid amount. There simply will not be time to cover everything from title to footnotes (I know, it hurts), so get comfortable with reading abstracts, chapter summaries, skimming, and otherwise summarizing lengthy works to figure out what you should prioritize. Unless a whole article is assigned for class, figure out what you need from any given text -- or what you think you may need -- and hone in on that. You can always return to read more if you have the time.

SAVE EVERYTHING. Do not delete emails. Get copies of everything even remotely official. Print everything out. Buy yourself a couple of cheap file boxes, stick them under your bed, and keep it all just in case. What kind of things have I unexpectedly needed to dredge up weeks, months, or even years later? The printed paper with hand-written comments to justify a grade I gave. An ancient email from a committee member proving that they did in fact sign off on a certain chapter choice. A copy of the publication forms I signed for a book collection after those got lost on their end (somehow). Seriously, save everything. You'll never know when you may need proof of some communication you've had.

Take naps. That's it. That's the advice. Someone gives you shit for being "lazy" or tries to make you feel bad for "wasting" a sunny afternoon? Make them step on a Lego and then both of you take your nap outside. Naps are beautiful and sacred and life-saving. Just set a good alarm for whenever your next class/meeting is.

Work at making friends. Unlike high school or even college where you'll be spending the day with a core group of people, in graduate school (unless your school is really small) the students are a lot more spread out and there aren't as many built-in opportunities to socialize. So plan to put in more effort at connecting with others because you will want that camaraderie, both for practical help and your sanity. I didn't realize how much more I needed to do to get to know my peers until I was nearly finished my Master's. Luckily, my PhD threw me into an office with seven other grads, so I didn't have a choice about getting to know them lol

You're responsible for your own learning. You've gotten a taste of this in college, but grad school cranks it up to 11. You're an adult (not an "adult" adult like a college student) and you've committed to putting forth 2-7 additional years towards your education. The expectation is that you want to be here and will showcase the necessary effort without outside influence (unless you require accommodations, of course). Be prepared for your instructors to treat you like a peer, both when it comes to the fun stuff - intense debates about your field! - and the responsibilities they expect you to follow through on. In some ways grad school is nothing like college because you are now focused on one subject, you are working collaboratively with people who were once solely authority figures, and 95% of the work will occur outside the classroom via self-teaching. You're a professional now. Still being mentored, but well on your way to that equal standing. The sooner you realize that you are responsible for your own education and future career -- not your teachers, your parents, your BFF, your roommate, etc. -- the better.

Most importantly:

#school #teaching #grad school

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animentality · 1 year

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The comments on this TikTok are so stupid.

TikTok kids are going to college and figuring out that some people want to be spoken to with respect and professionalism, lol?

You don't talk like this to strangers you see in person, bitch, especially not professors. All the comments saying what a meanie :((( I would've told him that he works for ME and to treat me with respect. I would've just dropped the class. THAT'S so unprofessional, he should be written up.

Like bro. Are you joking?

Worse, actually, there was one comment that was like how dare that professor humiliate you like that! I'd never let one disrespect me! And someone else said you wouldn't talk like this to your boss, would you? And they were like yes I would.

And honestly I don't know.

I'm trying not to become a boomer but I do have to just roll my eyes at these perpetually online teens with upper middle class life styles who've been bred by the internet to "rebel" against their bosses as some kind of anti capitalist statement when the truth is just that he asked you to do your job or to wear a tie.

I'm all for abolishing unnecessary airs and all, but professors are preparing you for the workforce with shit like this.

I used to not sign my emails when I emailed professors my freshman year of college. I had one who said please sign your emails from now on because not having your name and office and title and other things is very unprofessional and confusing.

And to this fucking day, that embarrassment still haunts me and prompts me to always sign every email that I send to colleagues and bosses and recruiters.

But it's fucking necessary. You don't want to get some random fucking email and have to check the sender.

You want that shit at the end of the email, just like you're reading a fucking letter.

Even a hundred years later, we stupid bitches be writing emails the same way.

Ugh.

TikTok teens are so annoying.

#tiktok

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historicity-was-already-taken · 2 months

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I do have several questions about publishing serious non-fiction with a trade press... My first question is affiliated, and is about whether you're still in academia or not. If you're not, I'd be interested in hearing how you go about your work - whether you have peer reviewers etc. and whether you know them from uni (either as classmates or professors) or not.

Secondly, how did you approach finding a press? Did you have a draft finished when you secured your deal, and what are the major differences a trade press versus university press request/demand?

I'm sorry for the load of questions by the way, I finished my MA degree in history (medieval) last year, I miss doing the research and writing, and you're really the first person I've seen online who has found a trade press. I considered asking you some of those questions before actually, so I kinda jumped on the chance with... much enthusiasm, lol.

First, affiliation. I ~identify~ as an independent scholar. However, as you know, connections and status mean everything in both academia and the publishing industry (and as an academic writing for a trade press, you have to demand respect from both), so I always make my credentials very clear:

MA in Modern Jewish History from the University of Maryland, thesis defended on first try with no revisions; I also name drop my adviser and certain committee members depending on who I'm talking to.

MLIS from the same institution, focus in Archival Science.

Seven year's employment as an archivist and content creator at the American Jewish Historical Society at the Center for Jewish History

Six figures of followers on social media

The combination of education, platform, and work experience is particularly important for convincing agents and publishers that you're a worthwhile investment.

In terms of reviewers, I networked with and cold emailed two well respected academics in my specific subfield(s), and just asked them if they'd be down to peer review my work. I will be paying them out of my own pocket. The press doesn't require this as, as far as they're concerned, I'm the expert; but it's something I require for myself. It's important that this book not simply present a strong, readable, gripping narrative, but that it's also accurate and rigorous.

Now on to your second question. For serious nonfiction the first step is to get a literary agent. Literary agents sign clients for non-fiction based on book proposal and ~two sample chapters. They neither want nor expect the entire manuscript at this point. The agent is the party who has the relationships with acquisitions editors at the major publishing houses.

Once an agent signs you, you do some editorial work together, if necessary, and then you go on submission. The "on sub" process is basically your agent doing a series of targeted sales pitches to acquisitions editors. If an acquisitions editor wants to buy the project, they will have to present it to their team(s), and argue in favor of investing in the project; ie, they have to convince potentially multiple teams that this project will make them money.

The book proposal is an incredibly weird, complex piece of writing, and I advise hiring an editor to work with you on this. The best editors/consultants for book proposals tend to be what I call "behind the scenes big shots." These are usually people with journalistic training, who ghostwrite for a lot of very big names. These editors do not come cheap. In fact, I paid for mine with a round of crowdfunding y'all helped me with a few years ago. If you're interested, I could potentially put you in touch with mine.

Now once the proposal is ready and you've workshopped your query letter, you need to do some heavy research and make a list of lit agents you think could be a good fit for your project. You should have an A List, B List, and C List, and send them out in batches of 5-10 to keep this manageable. I can answer further questions about this research process, if you'd like.

The getting-an-agent process is probably the hardest part. It took me five years to get from "Holy shit this is my book I'm gonna do a book," to "I have an agent and we're going on sub." It's HARD and you'll really be forced to reframe how you understand success and failure. Like, the first time I got a personalized rejection with feedback I fucking PARTIED. A personalized rejection is huge, and FEEDBACK, omg.

The big difference, is that for academic presses you need a PhD and a genuine intervention in the historiography. For trade press, you need to convince multiple parties that the project can sell, and that you're qualified to write it.

Now some candor: you have to be incredibly single-minded to push through this process. Like, to the point that you're willing to sacrifice your day job and let your health fall by the wayside. Which leads us to: privilege!

It's very difficult to be able to put all your single-minded energy behind this process if you a. are not independently wealthy; b. are not married to a person with a lot of money; or c. do not have well-off parents who are able to support you. I can honestly say that, if I were not in category c, the process would have been much slower; I'm not even sure if it would be happening yet.

My publisher's advance--which was generous for a first time, untested writer--over one year was enough to MAYBE cover my health insurance and my monthly storage unit; I also have two part time jobs. And that's it. My parents handle the rest [ETA: to clarify, I do live with them]. Publisher's advances are not something you can live on unless you already have clout, or fame. And if you have a one year deadline, your writing will be full time. I'm not telling you this to discourage you. Professionally I have found myself in many fields where the silent part is "we assume you have family/spousal wealth because lol no one can live on this amount of money." It's not okay and it pisses me the fuck off. I feel like, if I didn't make this clear, I'd be complicit in maintaining those structural inequalities. I don't know how to dismantle them (it's gonna take way more than one person) but saying the quiet part out loud is a start. Anyway, hope I answered all your questions and also didn't discourage you! Also, you never need a reason to ask me about this stuff.

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kirnet · 2 months

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Will you have another site to follow you?

honestly... idk.

I have an art instagram that i remember to update maybe every two months. I really don't like using it, but I'll make more of an effort if people will be going over there. Part of it is that family and my former art professors follow me there, so I'm not as comfortable going stupid crazy on there lol.

I also have an art twitter I use even less. I deleted tiktok for my own sanity. My portfolio website is down as I'm moving away from Wix but that will be up hopefully in a few months again. Going forward I'm gonna try to post my art on Patreon so that anyone can view it as well.

Part of the reason I'm hesitant to move is I have a community here that's been built up over years. It might not be massive, but it's mutuals and friends and people that I've gotten to know over the years. There's a culture here I really love, from the tagging system to the way people interact with things to the fact that tumblr is a little more underground so I don't have to worry about my family or coworkers stumbling onto my shit. I can't go insane about video games or bad movies or actium on other platforms the same way I can here, it just simply makes me too uncomfortable. And honestly, I don't really want to move if my little community and my friends won't come with me, ya know? The reason I'm even comfortable sharing my art and thoughts here is bc people have eased me into doing it. This is kind of the one place I'm not a totally anxious mess and that I actually have some unearned confidence lol.

Sooo.. tbd? I should just bite the bullet and grab handles on bluesky and cohost, but the thought kind of makes my skin crawl. Maybe I'll make a private twitter for my stream of consciousness. Maybe I'll make an honest to god mailing list and just email people my art, or I'll make a silly website. Who knows!

sorry for the rant on what you surely thought was going to be a short answer lol. Mutuals and friends can always ask for my discord or priv insta. ily and hopefully I will have a more concrete answer at some point, I just don't know rn.

#ask #anon #i am very comfortable here but thats bc ive had years of friendships and connections and a pretty anonymous time on here #ive had instances of online harassment by people i know irl before so i really gravitate towards that #bluesky and cohost are probs the same but like. what abt my friends. and my other followers #and their opinions that i value. idk its really weird!!!

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musubiki · 7 months

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im ngl noww that you say that you do art as a hobby, im just intrigued by how you are so confident and are able to have the free time to do it as a hobby...

i hope i didnt make a mistake taking art college ;; IM ROOTING FOR YOU TOO! its so luckily nowdays to have a job youre at least okay with but also have some really fun hobby on the side too

to one broke college student to another do u have any advice for future years? i ltrly just started college like 3 weeks ago

aaaa as far as time for the hobby goes, i actually only have that kinda time very recently (like over the summer and this semester).....if you noticed, i kinda dropped off for a year where i mustve only drawn like 10 things??? which is because last year was such a busy year for me in terms of work and courses...but this semester is better because im only in 3 classes: one doesnt have any exams and another im retaking (cuz i didnt pass the summer comp exam for it lol) so its all content ive seen before!! so this semester is a little easier and i can draw a bit more when i dont have homework or on the weekends!!!

as far as advice goes, (im not sure how art school works? or if youre in a normal university just majoring in art?) id say: take a lot of different classes to see what you like! explore different areas, and i think it might also be good to have like.....a contingency plan so to speak. like in my undergrad i got a minor in anthropology and almost got a certificate in accounting just so i had a little more options post-undergrad if the math major didnt work out!! so doing something like that is never a bad idea!!! (my undergrad program had a requirement to fulfill a certain amount of credits outside your major courses, so i used those to explore different things)

also dont be afraid to change if you feel you dont like your current path.....like i mentioned i was an astronomy major in undergrad first, and had wanted to go into astronomy since i was a kid, but found eventually it wasnt for me (i couldnt cut it in physics) and switched to something i wasnt SUPER passionate about, but i was good at it!! which was a huge decision for me and lowkey pretty risky (the fuck do you do with a math major?? everyone i asked they just replied "Oh you can do lots of things!" and never gave me an actual job title)

try to do summer internships if you can! as long as its financially feasible for you, itll make your resume a lot beefier when you graduate if employers/grad school see that you already have several experiences under your belt (and experience compounds on itself-- the more you have the more likely you are to get more!! for example here in my program, if you have more stats and coding experience coming in youre more likely to get more stats/coding assistantships, so you gain even more experience over the person who had no stats/coding experience prior and as a result got sent to be a TA or something. so the person who already had experience gets more experience and the person who didnt falls even further behind :') (me) )

networking is also important!!! since youre just in undergrad, i would recommend starting by talking to professors when you can. doesnt need to be like, going out of your way to go to their office hours and talk stories, but maybe chat a bit before/after class!! ask them how their weekend went, ask a dumb clarifying question!! i got to my current grad program because my professor came to me before class one day and said "I have a friend from [my current program] coming to recruit, you should go meet him." so be friendly with your professors so they get to know you and will pass on opportunities when they hear about them!!

a lot of professors get emails from all kinds of jobs/programs to the effect of "[place] is looking to recuit/hire" and they can pass those your way if youre on their radar!! and lastly work hard!!

(anyway this is advice i have based on my own experiences and what worked for me, it will most likely be different for you!! stay on top of your studies, but also force yourself to rest every so often!! I personally do not do any work on saterdays and try not to on sundays!! so i feel okay working hard the other nights of the week so i have two full days of rest....sacrifice your work-week free time for grades :') sometimes the best thing for your mental health is just getting the thing you dont wanna do out of the way!! good luck in uni!!!)

#college for everyone else is gonna be a little different than college for me #i was fortunate enough to get a lot of locally-based scholarships that took care of me so i didnt need to work while studying #but i know a lot of people do and thats fucking tough #i also wasnt in a lot of clubs etc #because my scholarship program would organize a lot of our events #and besides studying i didnt have time for any of that lol #stay on top of your studies for real.....#put down that pokemon game and go re-read the lecture content you learned today (pro tip)#yeah dont work 24/7 without rest if you can avoid it #burnout isnt fun and honestly i still havent figured out a way to avoid it #sometimes its inevitable and you just gotta push through #punch studies in the face

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a-d-nox · 2 years

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nyx, the goddess of night (asteroid 3908)

:) it’s my twentieth post! time flies! but i thought that i should introduce myself: i’m a. d. nox and this is my asteriod alias! nox is the roman goddess of night - but the greek aspect is the only one with an asteroid :/ so i endure it lol. but “a. d. nox” has been my alias since before i wrote/finished my manuscript back in 2020 - this tag and i have a long history! i created it for my book but it has yet to be published… so there is where my username originates from, but what else? well i thought i would share 20 astrology facts about me with y’all!

LET’S START.

1) i’m a scorpio moon (with a capricorn degree lol - help), 2) i also have a 8h stellium (sun, moon, and mercury (retrograded ofc)), 3) my nyx asteroid sits in my 8h at 29° (i just learned that this year so it’s a bit wild that i go by nox), 4) everyone flinches to hear i have a sag venus (capricorn degree) but they double flinch when they hear it is conjunct pluto with a .58 applying orb (yes i have been in love before and no i have never physically stalked anyone lol), 5) i’m pluto dominant (13.3% per walter pullen lol), 6) my strongest aspect is my jupiter opposite pluto (64.27 power per dear old walter again), 7) i have a grand trine (mars, saturn, and neptune), 8) my favorite placement in my chart is my 7h virgo mars at 25°, 9) yes, my saturn is in retrograde and yes, i am not and have never been close with my father, 10) my pluto persona chart has a 3h and 5h stellium *clown emoji*, 11) my IC persona chart has an 11h and 7h stellium *double clown emoji*, 12) i have chiron in my 9h and i have yet to drop out of college lol - i’m going to be a senior this year, 13) my academia asteroid persona chart has the mystic rectangle shape - i have a 8h and 12h stellium which makes sense i studied forensic psychology for 3 years and last semester i decided to switch to literature (maybe 9h chiron is on to something lol), 14) chart preferences: placidus and tropical, 15) i read astrology conservatively but i’m a liberal - conservative and liberal are law terms: conservative=as it is written (if the asteroid groom is dedicated to the caltech engineer then that’s what it’s about (plus the software he developed)) and liberal=meaning to evolve as time goes on (groom is the potential husband for the liberal astrologer), 16) my favorite non-mythological asteroid is utopia (1282), 17) all my favorite people have a lot of capricorn and sagittarius placements - i tend to get along best with fire moons, 18) i’m living on a chiron square asc and a moon trine asc line and all i want is to leave but im holding on until my degree is wrapped up to leave (which is gonna happen next year, my solar return says 9h jupiter 0° in aries and a 4h stellium with sun, mercury, and venus so i’m going get out of here one way or another), 19) i have venus in my 9h ISTG i have THE WEIRDEST relationships with my profs they all love me :’) my org crime professor said see you next semester to me on the last day and i was like i don’t have you next sem and he was like oh :’( and these summer classes, i am texting with profs and casually emailing with them (the one was telling me how she was traveling to utah lmfao), 20) i have 11° in jupiter (5h) and uranus (7h) for my tumblr’s birthchart and that’s super cute BUT EVEN CUTER I HAVE A 4H STELLIUM (awww) it’s like we’re family up in here (pluto (27°), mercury (4° - awe), and saturn (17°))!

this was pretty fun to throw together - feel free to reach out to me to talk more about astrology in general or about my posts (i just beg of you to not write just “hey” or “hey, how are you?” i can’t do topical convos (8h mercury, remember? lol)).

back to the regularly scheduled program: the mythology and astrology of nyx, goddess of the night.

Nyx is the daughter of Chaos and is considered a primordial. A primordial means that the being precedes Titans, Olympians, and mortals. She emerged from Chaos when time was created as a means to create balance in Chaos's creation. She is the maker of many things: Day, Sleep, Death, Moirai (the Fates), Aging, etc. She bore Uranus with Phanes and then Cronus with Uranus (lol don't say it, we know). She is essentially the reason the eras in myth exist - and myth exists at all. To gauge her power and intimidation level: Zeus is terrified of her. Once upon a time, Hera decided that Zeus was incapable of ruling so she called upon Sleep - Hypnos, as he is better known as - to help her with her plan. Hypnos placed Zeus in a deep sleep while Hera took over power of the gods. But Hypnos was not strong enough to keep Zeus asleep - Zeus was irate, Zeus blamed Hera but Hera convinced Zeus it was Hypnos's fault. Hypnos ran Tartarus - when they reached the darkness cavern, Nyx emerged. Nyx towered over Zeus and told him to leave and forget whatever it was Hypnos did if he knew what was best for him. Zeus immediately left. But when she is not scaring gods, she is changing day to night with her husband, Erebus. IN MY OPINION Nyx in a chart represents a) creation, b) how and where you create balance in life, c) being a mother, d) how and where you create change around you, e) where you are viewed as intimidating and/or all-knowing, and f) your relationship with the darkness.

i encourage you to look into the aspects of nyx along with the sign, degree, and house placement. for the more advanced astrologers, take a look at the persona chart of nyx AND/OR add the other characters involved to see how they support or impede nyx!

OTHER RELATED ASTEROIDS: chaos (19521), zeus (5731 / h42), hera (103), kronos (h43), and hypnos (14827)!

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my “suggest a post topic” button if you want to see a specific post or mythical asteroid next!

here’s to 30 more posts ‘til another big post!!

click here for the masterlist

click here for more greek myths & legends

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

#astrology #persona chart #asteroid #asteroid astrology #astro chart #astro community #natal chart #greek mythology #astro placements #nyx #goddess of the night #asteroid3908

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diminuel · 10 months

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I wanted to post my anxiety rant on twitter but it won’t let me so I have to subject you to this:

I am once again asking for advice regarding a stupid anxiety question: I'm going back to my German speaking uni (for a PhD in anglophone literature & culture). Do you think I can upload my existing PhD outline in English? I'd hate to have to figure out how to rewrite it in German X'DD

Also, there’s a document that the professor needs to fill out and sign and then send back to me I guess. Can I just ask them to please fill it out? I had it with me when I met her months ago but was too much of a chicken to ask her to sign it then... Now it’s holiday season and who knows if she is even here... That’s what I get for my inability to do things when I want to do them. If the deadline doesn’t loom (3 weeks!) I’m not doing anything... Seems like I learnt nothing at therapy...

Edit: Maybe I should add that I do speak German. I only found info that any original document (which I assume is diplomas and stuff) that is not written in German, French, Italian or English has to be translated. I don’t know if regular submitted documents like a CV or the outline can be in any of those languages. I might just risk it and then if they grumble I’ll resubmit? I’ll decide later, since I might have to write them an email anyway... (Tomorrow, it’s after office hours now *lol* Procrastinating...)

#Effi stuff

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handweavers · 1 year

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hey Kiran. um. not totally sure how to ask this. but i was hoping you could talk about some of your experiences with university as a disabled person of colour in Canada? bc i am those things as well (lol) and ive just about finished my first term and im thinking hard about whether or not i should continue despite the difficulty and youve spoken about some of that before. if you dont want to talk publicly i can come off anon

i'm okay with talking loosely about it publicly but if you want more precise/specific info talking privately would be better or if you want to know something that i don't mention in this answer. i also can't speak for experiences that i don't have, ie. my experience is my own and may or may not reflect yours or that of other disabled poc given the sheer diversity of people encompassed by that phrase. i'm just going to do bullet points here of stuff i think is most important off the top of my head:

- first of all, see if you qualify for the canada permanent disability student grant benefit if you aren't already receiving it. i'm familiar with OSAP but regardless of what province you're in, if you provide documentation that states you have a permanent disability to your province's student aid system and you show financial need you can receive up to $2000 per semester IN GRANTS (not loans) from the federal government as part of the canada permanent disability student benefit to help you with tuition and paying for other expenses, and even more if you do a spring/summer semester. again, it's paperwork and it's a drag, but that's a LOT of money that can make your life easier so you can focus on taking care of yourself and on your education. and again, i repeat, it's a GRANT not a loan, you don't have to pay it back.

- with that out of the way, i've found university exceptionally difficult and something i would only recommend if going to university is what is needed for the job you want to do or the field you want to be in. if you're unsure of what you want to do/what your goal is for university, or if what you want to do doesn't necessarily require a bachelor's degree, i don't think the pain is worth it. wait or do something else and then if you know for sure what you want and that you need a degree to get there, go ahead, and pace yourself. don't do a full course load, figure out what the sweet spot for you is and stick to that. my max course load is 3 classes per semester, less if i'm doing studio courses. if you have your disability status on file with your uni and with your provincial student aid system, you can take as little as 30-40% course load* (depends on the school and province) and you will still count as a full time student and reap the benefits of that.

- make sure that you have academic accommodations with your university's accessibility services, it can be a lot of work but it will save your life. having that & especially having accommodations that Require professors to give you extensions to assignments is so necessary and is the only reason i've gotten this far. the process for getting this & for getting permanent disability approved for student aid with the government various depending on your disabilities and can be exhausting and inaccessible, which is a problem in itself, but its completely necessary and something I personally would've been completely fucked without

- ive been in post secondary education for 6+ years now and i have never encountered a professor that refused to give me an extension on an assignment, including when I've submitted assignments late without mentioning it to them first, and outside of accommodations I put this largely on keeping an open and friendly communication with my profs. at the start of the semester I let them know that I have accommodations and will need extensions due to physical and mental health issues, and whenever i've had a flare up the first thing I did once I felt well enough to was to email them and let them know, and tell them that I am working on my assignments and will try my best to get them in as soon as I can. I have even submitted assignments weeks late, with an apology and amended with "I understand if this can't be marked/if it's too late, and I thank you for your patience with me regardless" and every single time they have marked my assignment without penalty. even if you have to suck up to them and apologize and do all of that shit, do it, because it'll save you. you don't need to elaborate and write your life story, just speak plainly and tell them you're having issues related to the reasons why you have accommodations and you're struggling but you're trying, and they will appreciate that. the vast majority of them want you to succeed and want to help you do that, you just have to try to meet them partway.

- if something fucked up is going on and you need help with a prof or some other kind of situation, contact your student union and ask them for help and they can either write on your behalf to wherever the complaint is best sent and follow up with it on your behalf OR point you in the right direction and offer support and resources. check if your student union has an accessibility rep and a rep for students of colour and contact them in particular, they are there to help you and they are your peers. they will also almost definitely have a food bank and can help you when it comes to your student medical insurance plan or any other concerns

- if you're on OSAP or other student aid and you need to drop a class, do it early, don't force yourself to suffer through it, because the longer you wait to drop it the higher chance you won't get a refund for the course, and if youre receiving grants that $ will be converted to loans if you don't get that refund. again, this is based on my experience with OSAP, but be aware of drop dates and plan accordingly. if something happens and you miss the drop date though, don't force yourself to suffer and stick through a course you know you cant finish. drop it before you get a 0 or failing mark on your file, because that can fuck you with the university admin side of things and get you on academic probation which can then effect your OSAP or whichever student aid service you have. based on experience I'd rather just get the $500 or however much tuition for that class cost me converted to a loan and deal with paying that back after I graduate, but of course it's entirely up to you.

#long post #sorry for the wall of text #but if you have more specific qs just let me know

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