#she's kind enough to break her cult's rules (the rules she's grown up with) to help.

[emphasis-on-the-oopsie]

I wanna make an essay about my amane thoughts however i think most of my thoughts were already said better by other people so just have my fave screenshot of amane

#milgram #this is before she treats the cat in the magic mv i believe #look at her eyes #they have 2 sparkles instead of one #this is the only moment her eyes look like this iirc #she's kind enough to break her cult's rules (the rules she's grown up with) to help. #and she was punished #also story perspective wise amane is such a good character #she was abused and gaslit by a cult and it influenced her to kill #possibly ordered by the cult elders #and iirc the original milgram project was following authority and orders but i could be wrong #and she is just so good at making the audience feel conflicted and helpless #all of the milgram characters ask us a question; criticize the way we judge people #amane criticizes how we view children #many people voted amane because they wanted to teach her a lesson #a lot of people pity her situation (which i do as well) but sometimes it just ends up as viewing her solely as an abused child #and it's great #i view the t1 guilty metavoting as people thinking teaching amane a lesson would help her change #but kids have their own thoughts and beliefs #punishing them for it isnt going to stop them #it honestly makes them lean more into it #idk what point im trying to make it's 10pm #but yeah. amane really exposes how people think of children #victor rambles

[incoherentbabblings]

can i get a long post about why tim/steph worked out when tim/ari, tim/zo and tim/cassie didn't?

To be honest, I really struggled with this one because...well, so here’s the thing. Tim and Steph didn’t work out. That is, if you are saying 2011 is the end of that timeline with those specific iterations of those characters, Tim and Stephanie as a couple failed. Fairly spectacularly really. Like, you can make an argument that people died because of it even. Twice if you count the very end of Robin with all the crap with Ulysses. 

There are things which they got right that the others didn’t, sure. And you can say Convergence was the genuine last time we saw those iterations of those characters, in which case, yes, they got there in the end. And though I would like to think that the two would have reunited in the end, their respective solo runs do not end with them as a couple. Tim doesn’t even really get a mention in Steph’s final issue, and vice versa. Like, they focus on the main thematic points of their series - Tim and his relationship with his fathers, Stephanie and justifying her existence as a vigilante. Don’t get me wrong they matter deeply to each other and they probably do still love each other...they just have more important things on their mind when the other is not in the room.

But even so, between 2004 and 2015 (or 2016 if you count Rebirth instead of Convergence), Tim and Stephanie were not a couple. And one of the reason they failed was the same as for Arianna, Zoanne, Tam etc., didn’t work out. (Cassie is kind of it’s own ballpark). Tim could not keep his girlfriends in the loop. Either as Robin or as Tim Drake. There are other things that made them flatline, and I think at the end of the day what made Tim’s relationship with Steph fail was a little different, but that’s the jist. For the long and short of it:

Ari/Zo: Largely Tim’s fault. Too secretive about Robin.

Tam: Entirely Tim’s fault. Too secretive about both Tim and Red Robin.

Steph: Equally at fault. She trusted Bruce over Tim. Tim didn’t trust her enough period.

Cassie: Equally at fault. Grief is not a good reason for a rebound.

Lynx: Boy was just horny.

So, for Ariana, it was genuinely just because they were too young. They were fourteen when they split up. Ariana said it was because they were getting too serious at too young an age; Tim because he was tired of lying to her about Robin and also the will they/won’t they of Tim and Steph had been rolling on for fifty plus issues and Steph was just a more interesting character than Ari and was the preferred option by the readers so hey. There you go. End of. Tim cheated on her with Steph repeatedly, emotionally and smooching. Ari cheated because she felt ignored and left behind by Tim. He fell asleep in the car as she was telling him. Also Ari was insecure, because she was fourteen and every fourteen year old is insecure, so she did things like dye her hair (because Tim was staring at Steph at funeral not because he was gobsmacked by her beauty or anything it was less of a ‘holy shit she’s so pretty and blond’ and more of a ‘holy shit if she sees me my secret identity is blown’) or try to keep Tim’s attention on her by sleeping together. Which, again, they were fourteen. So in many ways, she was right in her reasoning. There was a lot going on there for people barely starting adolescence, but Tim’s general emotional and physical absence made their problems seem huge and overwhelming, when really, it was just because they were fourteen. Everything is such a big deal when you’re fourteen.

It’s kind of a similar thing with Zo. Now, I don’t know if it was intentional, but it’s sometimes said that your next partner after a big breakup is often the complete opposite of your previous. Zo comes from a nice middle class background with parents who are still together and are very loving. She is very school orientated and in fact tutored Tim. She is also (bless her) very boring. Which is arguably what Tim wanted. He’s still trying to convince himself that there’s a Tim Drake life worth living. However, same issues as Ari arise. Emotional and physical absence. Only this time it’s both the pressure or Robin plus the lovely trauma of dead family and friends. He can’t keep up with Tim Drake anymore. He falls asleep on a rollercoaster and can’t tell Zo why. He cheats on her with Steph (again emotionally and smooching). He breaks up with her over the phone. He kinda gets a bit grabby and manhandle-ly at points, physically lifting and carting her around when they are having an argument and she does not want to listen. Tim is... not good to Zo. At all. 

Ari and Zo fail as relationships because they only know Tim Drake, except who Tim Drake is... is Robin. So they aren’t really in a relationship with Tim as a whole, so inevitably they both crumble.

The reason Cassie didn’t work out was just because they were out of their minds with grief. The cult arc and the cloning was bad. Like it was just a bad storyline. Rebounds like that (which timeline wise was occurring at the same time Tim was taking an interest in Zo) were bound to fail. Cassie deserves better!!!!!!!!!! Stupid goddamn writers.

Tam is tricky. Because she, like Steph, actually gets the privilege of knowing about Tim and Red Robin. She does it ‘backwards’, so her issue is having the realisation that yeah Red Robin is really cool but Tim Drake is a mess. And he still lies to her. There’s a few times where she has moments of realisation of how messed up Tim Drake is by the time she meets him. Her leaving is explicitly because that cool person who saved her from the LoA is also the kind of person to lie and throw people under the bus if it serves the greater good (what Tim thinks is the greater good). And she wants no part in that. It’s emotionally taxing to say the least. Also Tim cheats on her with Lynx. Constantly. And Steph, less constantly. He deserved that slap to be honest.

So we’re left with Steph. Steph also does things backwards, meeting Robin first. However, she gets moments with Tim (kind of) before she knows who Tim actually is. So she gets to go to the cinema with him. She gets her birthing classes with him. She gets the evenings sat at her kitchen table chatting about school. She gets him before the absolute shit show that was 2004/5 for Tim Drake. She is more patient than the other girls, either owing to a general lack of self esteem (hence being more willing to put up with long unexplained absences' than the others) or just by nature. At the same time she’s also more likely to tell Tim to belt up when he’s being mopey or secretive or whatever. Tim to be fair makes it pretty clear the ground rules of the relationship - she can’t be in all aspects of his life. Managing expectations and all that.

This fails. Obviously. Bruce is Bruce and uses Stephanie repeatedly to manipulate Tim. And she trusts Bruce. Repeatedly. For reasons. Bad writing. Low self esteem. Desire for approval making her throw out common sense. 

But, here’s why maybe Tim and Steph would one day work again. It’s a minor thing I know, but Tim falls asleep on his girlfriends a lot, as I have shown above. What is Steph’s reaction when he does so?

Sweet dreams then, honey...

She knows him. So she is able to put the pieces together. Zo and Ari were not given that opportunity, so it could be said they couldn’t ever love Tim because they didn’t know him. Tam didn’t even like who Tim was when they broke up. Cassie never really stopped loving Conner. Steph pretty much consistently remained in love with Tim, and vice versa, even after their relationship imploded. It’s a lot easier to forgive your significant other for things like falling asleep over the phone when you know there’s a high chance they were probably out all last night working a case you know? 

Stephanie had the sheer determination (stupidity) to stay around Tim until brick by brick (hoho) she was allowed behind those walls into all aspects of his life (unlike Zo and Ari), and she loved all aspects of Tim, regardless of how... disagreeable those aspects or actions were (Tam).

Flipping over to Tim’s feelings towards the girls... Steph won over Ari because he enjoyed sharing his night life with someone who understood. She was wittier, sharper, and less insecure than Ari. Steph won over Zo because of the omg you’re not dead factor and by this point she was a presence in both Tim and Robin’s lives so was just around him more often. And again, bless her, Zo was kinda dull, especially in comparison to Steph.

Steph didn’t win over Cassie or Tam as such but Tim did make a move on her whilst dating Tam. The problems that had ruined their relationship at the end of the Robin run had been proven moot after she’d shown how much she’d matured. So it’s possible in Tim’s mind, just for that split second on the roof, he thought things could go back to the way they were. Only for Steph to remind him that one of the reasons she had grown so much was because of his absence. And then he had the lovely reminder that Tam existed via engagement announcement.

Finally Lynx... well. He just wanted to bonk there to be honest. Which is fine. If he wasn’t seeing Tam at the same time. 

#TimDrakeStopCheatingOnYourCivilianGirlfriendsChallenge

#dc #tim drake #stephanie brown #timsteph #ask and i'll babble #timsteph meta

[spooky-z]

Field Trip

Maribat is from @ozmav​

I want to make two things very clear:

Near the end there are homophobic and racist lines. So, please, be careful.

This is almost 9K.

That was D-Day. The day of the field trip at Wayne Enterprises.

Marinette knew she shouldn't be so excited, because please, she knew that place like her palm. But that didn't stop her from being excited to be able to introduce her friends to the employees there.

Every time she promised to take them to meet each other, but there was never a good enough opportunity for that to happen, since Adrien's father, Gabriel, was the biggest problem of the equation.

She was in the bathroom, finishing getting ready and had shared the hotel room with Alix, who from what she could hear, was jumping on the bed like crazy.

“Al, don't you get tired?” Marinette sighs as she leaves the bathroom.

The pink-haired girl - dressed in denim shorts, a black shirt with Batman logo, jacket tied at the waist and a black hat - stops jumping. Laughter ready to go out.

“It depends.” She replies. “Will you stop letting the rest of the class step on you because of that snake?”

"Al..." The warning tone clear in her voice.

Alix rolls her eyes and gets off the bed. She, like Kim, kept debating that Marinette should stop bowing her head to the class antics because of Lila. The girl had arrived in Dupont and destroyed the brunette's reputation just because of Adrien.

“Okay, I get it. I don't say anything else…” She says grumpy and Marinette smiles “For now.” And laughs at her best friend's frown.

“… I don't know why I still try. Really. You guys are a pain in the ass.” Marinette complains.

"It's love." Alix countered. "Let's go now. Those losers must be waiting in the lobby.”

Marinette picks up her bag from the bed, ready for the trip.

She was wearing black jeans, sneakers (they would walk a lot) and a big white long-sleeved sweater. Her hair was messed up on purpose.

Alix put on her old traditional all-star and opened the bedroom door for her friend.

When they were inside the elevator, Marinette turned to the girl. The high finger, like a mother lecturing her children.

“Remember: no trying to compete with Kim inside the building. If you don't behave, I will end you.” She warns. “And you know I can handle it.”

The pink-haired girl rolls her eyes but nods in agreement.

“I will behave myself. Promise."

"Great."

"Nice."

"Good."

"... You are unbearable." Alix says.

"I know." Marinette winks and they both burst out laughing.

They keep laughing until the elevator arrives in the lobby and bump into their friends, separated from the rest of the class, talking about something.

Alix pulls Marinette into the group, catching the attention of the rest of the class.

They ignore the scornful glances cast.

"Hey, losers." Alix nods when they get to them.

"Good morning, guys." Marinette smiles.

Adrien looked like he'd been kicked out of bed - his hair was messier than usual, a black sweatshirt with little cats, ripped jeans and the orange all-star he wouldn't let go of - his eyes barely opening to nod in acknowledgment, almost lying upright in Kim's arms.

Kim dressed similarly, except for the sweatshirt, which was several bats and the jeans were black, as were the sneakers. His hair was like Adrien's. Soft.

“Good morning!” He replies, holding Adrien with his right arm and waving his left hand.

"It's about time." Chloe complains. "I thought I would have to send Mr. Robot here to wake you up."

She was wearing light jeans, caramel UGG boots. The yellow jacket was open, giving a view of the white - which Marinette was sure was Alix's – shirt with Wonder Woman print underneath. Her blond hair was loose and her makeup minimal.

Max was wearing something Marinette never thought she'd see him wear before. A large hoodie - from Adrien, we should make clear - with Naruto print, black jeans and black vans too. He had the dreadlock — had grown since he was twelve — pinned to the top of his head.

"We took so long because Marinette was getting ready for her sweetheart." Alix teases.

Marinette feels her face burn.

"ALIX!"

Sabrina laughs. "Good morning, girls."

She wore a long green pleated skirt, white sneakers without a sock, a white shirt and an open button-down denim jacket. Her hair was tied in a braid on the side of her head and her makeup was minimal too.

Max looked like he was going to say something when Ms. Bustier appears, a man by her side.

“Class, let's go. The bus has arrived. This is the driver, Philip.” She points at him.

Marinette glanced quickly at the class and her eyes met Lila's. The smile the Italian sent her was freezing her blood.

“It looks like today is going to be interesting.” Adrien, who seemed much more awake, says.

The seven friends couldn't help but agree.

×××

The bus ride had been fun.

As they were many, someone would be left to sit with someone in the class and that was something that Alix did not allow to happen. Then she squeezed herself between Marinette and Sabrina, while Max sat next to Chloe and Adrien continued to use Kim as a pillow.

Marinette was wiping out her cell phone memory by taking pictures.

Proof, she says. Blackmail, replies Chloe, who was also taking pictures.

Alix and Sabrina were busy with the landscape, Max was studying about WE and Kim was playing something on his cell phone.

As the bus pulled up in front of the huge Wayne building cluster, Marinette felt anxiety bubbling in her stomach.

She had promised Dick she would not pretend to know anyone - Marinette didn't like to draw attention - so when she saw any of them, she would have to act like herself.

It had been a long and tiring conversation. The Wayne complaining that she never introduced them to her friends or that she always pretended not to know them.

Jason had even teased that she was ashamed of Damian and Damian retaliated by saying he was ashamed of his brothers. The two started fighting and it took Selina to intervene for them to stop.

Anyway. She had promised and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was not someone to break her promises.

She just wished her classmates were quiet and said nothing... graphic. Otherwise, she couldn't defend them from Wayne's fury.

Caline Bustier gets up from her seat and turns to the class, still sitting in their seats.

"We're here," she begins. “But before we get in, I want to make some things clear. IW has tough rules that should not be disregarded for anything.” Says “I know many should not have read the permission paper I gave their parents to sign, so I will warn them: they signed an NDA along with the permission. If you break this agreement, you can and will be sued. They don't care if you're seventeen.”

She looks each other in the eye, serious. Wanting them to understand the seriousness of the situation.

“Now I'll go over the rules.” She takes a piece of paper from her purse and starts reading it. “It's not allowed to take pictures, walk around the building without the guide or someone authorized, enter forbidden places and most importantly: do not disclose anything you saw inside. If a person breaks any of these rules, they will be banned from any Wayne buildings and prosecuted.” Caline lowers the paper. "Let's go now! We have a lot to learn.”

And get off the bus, followed by the excited class. The seven friends right behind, putting a certain distance.

"I'll finally meet the famous Timothy Drake." Max says, his face serious as if on a mission.

Marinette feels the warnings ring in her head. Max had built a rivalry since Tim figured out in a day how to solve a riddle that had left Max sleepless for months. That had been almost a year ago, but the flame of rivalry still burned in the boy's chest.

"Look, I don't know if the boys will be here." She says "I know Dick will be here, because he told me he would be the guide, but I don't know about the others."

Kim pouting, Adrien joins him and Alix too.

"But I thought I would meet Jason in person."

She shudders thinking about this meeting. No. Nope. That would not happen. Otherwise, she thinks Gotham wouldn't be whole.

"Neither Duke?" Sabrina question.

“I really think it's just Dick today, guys. I'm sorry."

The five sighs in dismay. Marinette sighs with relief.

"Let's go. They're leaving us behind.” Chloe says and points to the group ahead of them, already entering the building.”

"Shit."

And they run to catch up.

×××

As much as Marinette has spent much of the past two years walking these corridors, getting into the WI building was always breathtaking. The architecture was out of this world.

“… Thank you so much for getting this tour, Lila!” She hears Rose squeal excitedly.

Adrien snorts at her side, annoyed. He knew very well that the one who had made the trip had been Marinette. Lila was lying again and Ms. Bustier made no effort to dismiss the girl.

Marinette tightens the blonde's hand, trying to distract him from class.

“It was nothing!” Lila brags. “When I told Brucie that the class needed a trip as a graduation gift, he offered it to us. You know, he likes me a lot, since I'm his daughter-in-law.”

The class begins to praise her as a strange kind of cult and Marinette rolls her eyes at the familiar scene.

“What a nasty little girl we have here.” A voice purrs in Marinette's ear.

The girl jumps in surprise, a little scream escaping her lips. Everyone turns to look at her and she turns to find out who she was.

“SELINA!” She shouts excitedly.

The latin-looking woman smiles. Black hair in a pixie cut, plump lips and green eyes. She wore a black pencil skirt, a white blouse with lace at the shoulders and Louboutin high heels.

"Hello, kitten." Marinette hugs the woman.

They had not seen each other for a long time. Selina and Bruce were traveling a lot on their honeymoon, to make up for the times the marriage had been postponed.

“I missed you.” She pulls back, the firm smile on her face. “How was the honeymoon?”

“Wonderful.” Selina responds. “And how have you been?”

“Great.” She turns to her friends. “Guys, this is Selina Kyle.”

And then turns to Selina again.

“Selina, these are Adrien Agreste-” He smiles. “Chloe Bourgeois-” She waves. “Sabrina Raincomprix-” She says hello. “Max Kanté-” He waves. “And Lê Chiến Kim. My friends.” He winks charming.

The woman analyzes each one, nodding in approval in the end.

"They seem to be good people, kitten." She says. "I hope they can come to dinner with us tonight."

Marinette's smile gets impossibly bigger.

"Of-"

“Who is this, Marinette?” Lila's voice cuts the girl off. And the good mood of before changes to a sour one.

Selina looks away from the girl and looks at the rest of the class with Lila.

The girl had a despicable look on her face, a fake smile and sharp eyes. The class around her wasn't much better, since they didn't even pretend for politeness.

The woman observes the situation. At how once happy friends came together as if they were forming a barrier between Marinette and the other girl. How tempers became exalted.

Selina takes the lead, wanting to avoid a scene.

“Selina Kyle.” She replies. “And you? Who is it?” Question. The sharp tone leaves no gap for jokes.

Lila takes this as an opportunity to lie. Again.

“Lila Rossi. Damian Wayne's fiancée.” She extends her hand. “I’m the one who arranged the class trip.” Selina squeezes her hand.

"Damian's fiancée?" She hisses in displeasure. "Interesting."

Caline Bustier watches the commotion, unsure what to do.

She was sure the intrigue in the class would calm down over time, but it had only gotten worse. Worsened to the point that the Dupain-Cheng threatened to sue the school and report to the council, as no one seemed to see the toxic situation that became the classroom.

They were being dark days for Dupont. For Caline

All were under investigation. Mostly her, since she was the one that suffered the most accusations not only from Marinette's family, but also from Max, Kim and Sabrina as well. This trip had been an excuse for everyone - her - to get away from Paris and the rabbit hole they had gotten into.

A man dressed all in black - button-down shirt, slim-fit pants and oxfords - with styled hair appeared with the driver.

Caline guessed it was Richard Grayson, the guide they had informed her.

He smiled at her and held out his hand to greet.

"Good morning, I'm Richard Grayson." She squeezes the offered hand, feeling her cheeks heat up.

She could be a teacher, but she wasn't dead.

“Good morning, Richard. I'm Caline Bustier, the teacher.” She drops his hand, kind of disappointed to have to.

Ms. Bustier turns to the class and catches everyone's attention. She watches the Latina woman kiss Marinette's cheek and leave the building. The security guard waving respectfully at her.

“Guys, please.” And their attention turns to her.

Marinette's group still distracted by something the girl said.

"Good morning, Dupont." The man says. "My name is Richard and I will be your guide on this field trip."

The class cheers up again and Marinette turns her head so fast that Chloe is sure she heard the bone crack.

"DICK!"

The whole class chokes. Lila takes the opportunity to make a scene.

“Oh my god, Marinette! Have a little decency.” She whines shrilly. “Apologize to Richard right now or I will make arrangements.”

Dick raises an eyebrow at the Italian.

“Now there is no need-”

“There is a need, Mr. Grayson.” Lila cuts off the man. “She's being disrespectful to you and as I am the most influential person around, I must place order.

Alix and Sabrina snort, hands over their mouths trying to hide their laughter. Chloe doesn't care about hiding. Kim and Max were obviously filming. Adrien had such a big smile on his face that Dick knew it must be hurting.

Marinette was frozen. He knew that expression.

"... not necessary, Miss." He says again. Already losing patience with the girl. “Minette didn't disrespect me. She just called me by my nickname.”

Lila looks like she's just been slapped. Bewildered.

"The what?"

“Do you know Marinette?” Alya asks, her nose twitching with the scent of an exclusive.

Dick tilts his head, his arms crossed and a teasing smile on his mouth.

"Of course. She is my sister in law."

... What?

Adrien was right. That day would be interesting.

×××

"This is where Wayne Technologies starts." Dick says, pointing to the floor where the elevator stopped. “You'll see our specialists at work, so avoid distracting them.”

The class walked the floor marveling at the technology and the scientists at work.

Adrien was practically drooling next to Max.

"Dude, close your mouth." Alix jokes.

The boy's cheek burned in embarrassment and he closed his mouth in a loud snap. The hand rubbed his face just to make sure there was no drool.

Marinette laughed at her friend, but stopped abruptly as she watched the red tuft of hair in one of the tech rooms. That was when she remembered that she had promised Adrien to introduce him to one of the smartest people she had ever met. And a physics freak like him.

She takes the boy's wrist and drags him away from where Dick was leading them all.

“Come, Adrien. I want you to meet someone!”

“Wait-Don’t you need authorization-” He doesn't finish, as Marinette puts her palm on the hi-tech lock and the light flashes green before the door opens. "Oh."

The brunette pulls him into the room until she comes across a woman, not much older than 30, who was fiddling with a metal plate.

"Carmen." She calls and the woman looks at her, a lively smile appearing on her face.

“Mari! How long!” She gets up and gives the girl a quick hug.

“Yes, yes!” They laugh. “Remember I commented on a friend of mine who was a physics nerd?”

Adrien protests softly. He wasn't a nerd... just very passionate.

Carmen looks away at the boy and he nods shyly.

"I suppose this is the physics nerd?"

"Himself. Adrien Agreste.” Marinette replies. “Adrien, this is Carmen Leonhart, WI's head of technology research.”

As they begin to talk about numbers, statistics and many other things Marinette didn't care to know, she turns around, ready to leave the room.

Just to face the whole class, Ms. Bustier, her friends and Dick, standing in the doorway. Dick with the biggest fucking smile on his face.

"... what?" She asks. Confused with the audience.

Chloe gives a mocking smile.

"I didn't know you were allowed into these rooms, Dupain-Cheng."

Marinette realizes what she has just done and the embarrassment only gets worse.

She had been so excited to introduce Adrien and Carmen to each other that she had not thought about what she was doing in front of her classmates. Sure, she had promised not to hide her relationship with the Wayne family, but that didn't mean she liked to show off like this.

Lila doesn't seem to like the attention Marinette was getting at all. Her face in a sour frown and the fists clenched.

She sent Marinette a warning look before masking her dislike with a sweet expression.

“Oh, that's no big deal.” She says waving her hands in disdain. “I asked Brucie to authorize our class. He was generous enough to include Marinette on this list.” The scorn barely masked by the disinterested tone.

The class seems to take this as truth (as always) as Nino puts his hand on the girl's shoulder. A proud expression on his face.

“Thanks so much for all this, dude.” He says. “You didn't have to go that far for us.” And the class agrees. Raining compliments on the Italian.

Chloe doesn't disguise the grimace and Alix rolls her eyes so violently that for a moment, Max fears she was injured.

The class leaves the room, following Lila like sheep being herded, leaving the group of friends and Dick behind. Ms. Bustier didn't take long to leave either, which left them finally alone.

"Ok... Now where is my hug, Minette?" He turns to the girl and she runs to hug him. "Much better."

Marinette laughs, the hug lasting a few more seconds before they let go. Dick turns to the other five - Adrien and Carmen too distracted by whatever it was - and extended his hand in greeting one by one.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

"The same." Sabrina smiles.

“Now we have to go. There are a few more things to see and a surprise.” He winks at Marinette and the girl feels the danger in that expression.

One thing Marinette was sure of: There was no anxiety to know what this surprise was about.

Anyway, getting Adrien out of the room had been difficult because the blonde didn't want to leave. Carmen had to promise that she would give him a free pass so he could visit her while the trip to Gotham lasted.

The friends had no doubt that the blonde would live in the building and never leave the scientist alone.

Going on.

The rest of the tour had been less dramatic around Lila and her minions. Of course, she continued to lie about everything. How Bruce Wayne and his wife Selena loved her; the fact that Ricardo Wayne - the eldest son - had died in an attack on Wayne Mansion by the feared villain, Clown; that Jackson - the middle child - was an award-winning scientist; Thomas was unfortunately an addict, but Bruce tried with all his might to rehabilitate; and finally, that Damian was an angel in love with her, very sweet and romantic.

Marinette never thought she would have trouble controlling herself, but it was hard not to laugh at the Dick’s expressions and her friends laughing openly.

But apart from The Tales of Lila, the class left them alone.

As they passed the corridors of WI, Mari was being recognized by the staff and she made a point of introducing her group of friends excitedly. That didn't include the rest of the class and Lila, of course, could make some excuse for them.

Honestly, Marinette was surprised that no one showed distrust in the Italian. It was obvious she was lying.

But that didn't last long. Someday the lies would have to be revealed, and apparently that was the day.

They took a break to eat in the cafeteria.

Dick had gone out with Ms. Bustier to talk somewhere which, in Marinette's opinion, would not be a very good conversation. Or happy.

Adrien, Sabrina and Mari with a classic burger and fries; Max settled for a fettuccine; Kim, Chloe and Alix got pizza (not very healthy, but one day just wouldn't hurt). They were seated at a table separate from the rest of the class, but close enough to hear a word or two.

Marinette was chewing on her burger lazily while her friends talked when Jason Todd and Timothy Drake showed up. Both with expressions that said everything but good intentions.

"Oh my god." She whispered; the eyes wide. The cheeks full of food.

They scanned the cafeteria, probably looking for Marinette, and when they turned toward her, Mari used Adrien's height as a shield. Trying to keep them from seeing her. Which didn't work, since Adrien was shaking (laughing) and the conversation at the neighboring table (her class) had been cut short.

“Why are you hiding, Maribug?” Jason asks, his voice malicious.

Marinette sighs before surrendering to her destiny.

She stepped out from behind Adrien, face was red.

The girl swallowed the food.

“Hi Jay. Tim.” A smile appears on her face despite the embarrassment.

Tim raises an eyebrow at her, clearly amused. Jason doesn't disguise the shitty smile growing on his face.

"She hid, but at least she didn't pretend not to know us." Tim points out.

Marinette rolls her eyes, the shame already forgotten.

"I don't break my promises." She says.

She pushes Adrien aside to make room and points them both.

"Sit down and introduce yourself to those you didn't know yet."

They waste no time quickly pulling two chairs off an unoccupied table and placing them in the open place. As they sit down, Jason throws his arm around Marinette's shoulders in a hug.

“We miss you, Nette.” He says. “Demon spawn has been unbearably unbearable.”

She elbows his ribs for talking about Damian and he groans in pain.

"Even though you're a pain in the ass, I missed you too, Jay." Marinette laughs at the offended face he made, before squirming so she can look at Timothy. "And you too, Timmy."

Tim winks at her before turning to the rest of the table. The family (but Selina, since she spent more time traveling than at home) already knew Adrien, Kim and Chloe from past visits, but this was the first time they had met the other three: Sabrina, Max and Alix.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Timothy Drake, Damian's brother.” He reaches out first for Sabrina to shake, then Alix and lastly Max, who narrowed his eyes defiantly and squeezed his hand a little harder than usual.

Tim knew that the boy had a certain rivalry against him over the puzzle. Which was good, since he enjoyed a good and healthy competition.

Jason throws his idle hand on the table, startling the others.

“I'm Jason Todd. The best boy.” He says excitedly. “Nette's favorite!”

Chloe seems to be offended by the man's words.

"I doubt it." Sneers. "Everyone knows I'm her favorite."

Adrien chokes around a fry.

"Now, we know I'm the favorite." He chews loudly.

It was kind of gross, being honest.

"Oh, shut up, Agreste!" Alix throws a potato at the boy. “It is common knowledge that I am everyone's favorite.”

The boy looks scandalized at her, but doesn't take long to throw the fry back at her in revenge. Alix dodges and the food ends up hitting Kim in the forehead.

He narrows the eyes irritably, Tim and Jason laughing, Marinette wanting nothing more than to go back to her hotel bed and sleep 12 hours straight.

Damian chose that moment to appear with Titus and Dick. And as much as Marinette was happy to see him, this was the worst moment ever.

She knew her friends. Knew well enough to know that the cafeteria had become a war zone and that they would be bombed at any moment.

As soon as he opened his mouth to greet her, Kim got up ready to pounce, but before he could, Titus ran and jumped on Marinette. Almost making the girl bang her head against the table by his strength and weight.

There was a general panic at their class table, probably afraid of the dog, but she ignored everything in favor of giving all the attention and love Titus deserved. Because he was the best boy, not Jason, thank you very much.

"Who's the handsome boy, huh?!" She pampers the dog excitedly, which licks her face. "I missed you too." His tail looked like a whip.

Tim and Jason turn to the brothers.

"Yo, Dick." Jason nods lazily.

"Demon spawn." Tim says.

Damian frowns in annoyance, but doesn't respond to Timothy's provocation. The attention fully turned to Marinette with Titus. Dick waves back.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asks.

"We came with father and Cass." Tim replies.

Marinette jumps at the conversation.

“Are your father and sister here?” She shouts.

God! She was not prepared to handle all Wayne and the class at the same time.

"Duke too." Jason adds.

Marinette moans in pain and buries her face in Titus's soft fur. She would not come back alive to the hotel or Paris.

Damian approaches the girl, ignoring the prying eyes of her class. From what he managed to find out (both from Marinette's friends and what he investigated) if he had to interact with any of them, the no-kill rule would probably have to be broken.

"Angel." He calls, crouching in front of her and placing his hands on hers in Titus.

Marinette looks up to look at him.

"Hey, Dami."

She stretches over the dog (who was calm, almost asleep in her arms) and kisses Damian's lips tenderly.

"I missed you. Too much.” She whispers against his lips before pulling away.

"Me too." Damian answers and pecks her lips. "And-"

"Marinette, aren't you going to introduce us to your boyfriend?"

Alya's voice scares Marinette, who jumps away from Damian and Titus. Which makes both Wayne and the dog growl in irritation.

He gets up and Marinette follows him. Her friends comfortable in their seats, Dick standing (without Ms. Bustier) and the class waiting for an answer.

She sighs and turns to face the class. Damian was firm by her side and she also knew her friends would be supporting her.

Alya had her arms crossed. The rest of the class was not much different and Lila's expression soured, since everyone's attention was solely on Marinette.

"This is D-"

"Mari!!!" A shriek interrupts the girl.

They all turn to the source of the voice, only to find Bruce Wayne, a black man and an Asian girl running toward them. More specifically towards Marinette.

The little girl's hair was black, combed into familiar pigtails. She was wearing a red, black polka dot dress, with a black bow around her waist. On the feet were ballet shoes.

She jumped into Marinette's arms, which squeezes her into a warm hug, grinning.

"Hey, young lady." The little girl squeaks as Marinette kisses her cheek.

They watch the brunette put the girl down and start a... peculiar conversation. Where the child signed and Marinette responded verbally.

"You're so cool, Cass!" Kim compliments excitedly, apparently understanding what the girl was talking about. She smiles proudly at the compliment.

They (Marinette and co) continue to talk to the little girl while most of the class remain stunned by Bruce Wayne's presence.

Alya jumps excitedly and looks at Lila.

"Girl!" She practically screams "Did you get Bruce Wayne to meet us?!"

The Italian loses at least half the blood on her face. Increasingly pale with the situation. Her lips were almost sickly and her eyes wide. She swallows hard before letting out a clumsy laugh.

“Y-yea… very kind of him!” The voice comes out weak even to her ears. “B-but let's not disturb his conversation. You know how important he is.” Mumbles.

Lila's hands were shaking. She needed to get out of there, needed a plan urgently.

Alya's excitement diminished, taking Lila's words into consideration, but she kept staring at the men, holding back not to scream.

“Guys, I'm not feeling-”

“Papa, Duke!” Cass shouts again, the dog barking along and Bruce Wayne, with the other man, looks at her. “Mari!” She points at Marinette, jumping and twirling her dress.

Both Bruce and Duke(?) smiled before approaching them and Lila panics. Everything could go wrong at any time!

She turned to the class, making the most innocent expression and trying her best not to let despair overtake her body.

“Guys, please, I'll pretend I don't know him so as not to attract unwanted attention from the staff.” She whispers. “It's something we always do when we're around strangers, so don't be scared.” No one noticed Timothy's disgusted look toward them.

"Stay calm. We get it.” Nino soothes her, the class nodding in agreement.

She sighs with relief, having managed to avert a catastrophe.

"Good afternoon, Dupont." Bruce greets, the serious stance of a businessman. "I'm Bruce Wayne and this-" He points to the other man. "It's my protégé, Duke Thomas."

Duke nods in acknowledgment, then soon mutters something in Richard's ear, laughing at the other's disgusted expression. He made no attempt to approach the class to introduce himself.

Nathaniel felt that what has been said to the guide, was not something minimally pleasant. He felt that the class was the subject of comment and did not like it at all.

Rose, being the most outgoing, reaches out to greet Bruce Wayne.

“It's a pleasure, Mr. Wayne. It's a dream to be here!” She says. “We were very lucky to get this trip.” And tilts her head to wink at Lila, who smiles secretly.

He shakes her hand and waves seriously, pretending not to see the exchange between them. When they release their hands, Bruce turns to Marinette, a soft look on his face.

"Hello, Maribeetle." His tone softened before smiling.

"Hi, Dad." The obvious laugh on her face.

There are choking sounds, but neither pay attention.

She doesn't wait for him to say anything more before she comes closer and hugs him. He returns the hug, making the girl disappear into his arms and kisses her forehead.

"I see you had a welcome committee." He raised an eyebrow, looking his sons.

Dick is the only one who looks minimally embarrassed, while the other three (Jason, Tim and Damian) pretended the issue wasn't with them, looking around.

The class (without Ms. Bustier, who was missing) frozen in shock. Lila was about to pass out. She could hardly believe what was happening.

"Hey, Mr. B." Adrien nods.

"Bruce, what's up!" Kim says.

"Hello, Mr. Wayne." Sabrina greets.

“Wow, B! You look soft.” Alix teases.

"By my calculations, Alix is right, Mr. B." Max straightens his glasses. "You've lost some muscle."

“Congratulations on the adoption. Cassandra is a sweetie.” Chloe says.

Bruce snorts and releases Marinette, who bends down to take Cass in her arms again.

The boys not even trying to hide their laughter. He could see the tears in Jason's eyes, Tim was bent over Dick while they both laughed, Damian had the hand over his mouth hiding a smile and Cassandra imitated the two older ones.

Duke bit his lip trying to contain himself.

"It's good to see you again." Bruce says, hands firmly on Marinette's shoulders. "I remember the last time, Adrien and Jason got into a fight with the police and were almost arrested."

Adrien feels his cheeks heat up and Jason stops laughing, feeling attacked.

"I really thought it was a fantasy." The blonde mutters.

The class begins to whisper, clear confusion on their faces.

Alya was choking on surprise; Nino looking at Adrien as if the boy had grown two heads; Rose had retreated to Juleka's side, not liking the situation and Juleka was the same; Nathaniel bit his thumb uncomfortably; Mylene and Ivan looking lost; and Lila... Lila could see her world crumbling slowly and with frightening rapidity.

The dog barks once more, waking Alya from her mental confusion.

She swallows hard, her throat aching from the action.

“What's going on?” She asks, her voice breaking through the dryness in her throat.

Everyone stares at her. The confused Wayne family, Marinette and friends with the neutral face and Duke... Duke was fiddling with his cell phone.

“Why do you know Bruce Wayne? Why did Marinette call him ‘dad’? What's up with everyone greeting her and who is this boy she kissed?” She looks straight at the girl, her eyes accusing.

Damian frowns at her, his fist clenched, ready to say something that Marinette or his father probably wouldn't approve of, but Bruce stops him.

"What don't you understand yet, Ms. Cesárie?" The question was blunt. "I think if Marinette was kissing Damian, that means the two are together."

Alya gets annoyed with the answer.

"And why did she call you ‘Dad’?"

Chloe sneers in the background. Alix rolls her eyes, Adrien tilts her head, Kim swears under his breath, Max stares in disbelief and Sabrina was busy talking to Timothy.

"They can't be so dumb, can they?"

Jason's attempt to whisper didn't work, as everyone listened to what he said.

Alya's cheeks burn with humiliation.

“That's a fair question!” Nino goes to his girlfriend's defense and Damian rolls the eyes sarcasticallyy.

"Answering your question, Ms. Cesárie, Marinette calls me that because she's engaged to my son." Bruce says. "My son Damian." He adds as he notices the confusion.

Lila sucks air between her teeth. Panic rushing through her body.

“But…” Mylene looks at Lila. “Damian Wayne isn't dating Lila?” She asks.

The Italian freezes when everyone looks at her.

“Lila? What Lila?” Damian asks venomously. "I don't know anyone by that name."

Alya grit her teeth. The anger clear in his expression.

“How not? She grew up with you in the mansion. Bruce Wayne practically adopted her!” She shouts. "Explain it to me!"

“Wow! This is kind of impossible, since demon spawn came to live with us only after he turned ten.” Timothy says.

Alya feels a dizziness start in her muscles.

"But Lila said that..." She mumbles. “She said Selena Kim, Bruce's wife, was her aunt. That you were a family!” Exclaims exalted.

“Look, I'm sorry you and your friends were fooled, but that's the truth: We don't know her. Selina Kyle has no nieces, Jason is not an award-winning scientist, Timothy is not an addict, Damian is anything but a sweetie. And the main thing is, I didn't die and the Joker never attacked Wayne Mansion.” Dick ends a little breathlessly.

The class is at varying levels of shock. No one daring to say anything, Lila wondering how to get out of that mess and beside her, Alya looked like she'd been slapped.

Marinette wanted to feel sorry for her classmates, but failed. She had tried, so had her friends, but no one would listen.

"So, you mean everything was a lie?" Nino asks. A dangerous edge in his tone.

Lila shudders, moving away from the class and almost falling in the process. She was afraid she wouldn't lie about that, but the class had a murderous expression in her direction.

“N-no! Of course not!” Babbles. "Can't you see this is Marinette's plan to make me look bad?!" She points to the girl, who was playing with Cassandra and Titus, no longer paying attention to the drama.

The class seems to believe at least a little, as they turn to the girl, probably to fight.

Adrien, Alix, Kim and Damian form a human barrier to stop them. The look on Adrien's face was no less deadly than Damian's.

"Don't even try." Adrien says. “I'm sick of you. Mostly from you, Alya.” He looks at her. “You can be worse than Lila and her lies. I thought you were smart enough to figure it all out, but it seems I was wrong.”

The girl's eyes was wet with tears, but she kept her posture steady, noting that her friends were no better off.

“You only say that because Lila didn't want you!” She screams. "You who can be worse than Marinette, Agreste!"

Sabrina and Chloe chokes before bursting out laughing. Max and Kim not far behind.

"Oh my god!" Sabrina moans "Is that what she said?" She sighs trying to control herself but failed and laughed again.

"That's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard!" Chloe says, wiping her eyes.

Nino is offended on behalf of Alya.

"What?" He asks.

Adrien feels his cheeks burn because he didn't want everyone to know, but if it was to help Mari, he would do that.

"Mm..." He begins. "I've been dating someone since the first year."

Lila looks shocked. More than their classmates.

“What?!” She shouts, forgetting the situation she was in.

The blonde scratches his head uncomfortably.

"Did you finally surrender to Chloe?" Ivan asks.

Both Adrien and Chloe made a face of disgust.

"Ew, no!" Chloe protested. "I'm fine and happy with Kagami."

“So, who is it?” Lila demands. "Who are you dating, Adrien?"

"Me!" Someone says.

And everyone turned to look.

Was a tall, well-built young man. Hair was black and messy; the eyes were incredibly blue. He was wearing torn jeans, a red vans, black Star Wars shirt and prescription glasses.

He was behind Bruce, probably coming in during the mess.

“God damn it, this became an event and I didn't know?” Duke whispers to Bruce, but the man doesn't respond.

"What the fuck are you doing here Ken-"

“Jon!” Adrien cuts off Damian and runs to Jonathan, who picks him up.

They kiss passionately and Marinette puts her hands in Cassandra's eyes, trying to protect the little girl's innocence. The group of friends moan in disgust. The Wayne family too.

"OK! I think everyone already understands.” Marinette says. “Now let go. Cass is here too!”

"That was horrible." Max mumbles.

Adrien releases the boy, his face red. Redder than Ladybug's uniform. And the other boy smiled, not at all embarrassed.

“Are you gay?!” Lila asks, the accusative tone clear in her voice.

"What-"

"I can't believe I did this all because of a fa*got!" She snarls, venom dripping from her words. “You owe me three years of my life, Agreste!”

There is a shocked silence from everyone. Even from Marinette and friends. They didn't think Lila could be so rotten and ugly inside.

Marinette puts Cassandra on Damian's arms and walks slowly to the Italian. She seemed to be marching to war.

"What the hell did you say?" The voice came out dangerous.

"What? That he's a fag—” A slap popped on the girl's cheek before she could finish.

The force of the blow caused her to become unbalanced and fall to the floor.

They all walked away giving them both space.

"I dare you to repeat that."

She approaches once more, but Damian stops her. Cassandra in Dick's arms.

"Don't do anything you'll regret later, angel." He whispers and she sighs, moving away from the Italian on the floor. “Drake, do something useful as a CEO and call security. I want this person out of here as soon as possible.”

“You'll pay for it, Marinette Dupain-Cheng!” Lila growls, the hand gripping her bruised cheek. "If you think you're going to get rid of it, you're very wrong!"

Bruce, who remained quiet, bent down to pull the girl by the arm. Fed up with all the drama.

"Enough!" He says. “Ms. Rossi you will do nothing. Otherwise, I will be required to report you.”

Lila snorts offended and tries to release her arm from his grasp.

“Do you really think that just because you have money, will you get away with it?” She attacks, the eyes wide and crazy. “I have diplomatic immunity! You just became complicit with this disgusting muso giallo*!”

Marinette notices Bruce's knuckles go white from the grip and decides to separate the two.

“Dad, please let her go.” She grabs his arm, stepping between Lila and Bruce. "If you keep going, it might be worse later." But he doesn't even blink. Lila begins to moan in pain.

Five security guards enter the cafeteria, all huge and serious.

“Father, the security mans are here. You can let her go.” Damian puts his hand on the man's shoulder and only then does he move again, releasing the Italian's arm.

She drops to the floor, crying while holding her arm.

"I'm sorry, I blacked out for a second there." Bruce sighs, patting his head.

Marinette hugs the man, comforting him. She knew he had some problems after years of fighting crime, especially fighting the Joker. Sometimes he was a little more blunt and rude, unaware of it. It was sad for her to see him in this state.

But unfortunately, it was a side effect of having to save the world every time.

"Mr. Wayne, we were asked." One of the security guards says. "Who would be the person to be escorted?"

Timothy points to Lila who was still on the floor, but this time Alya was by her side, helping her.

"She." Answer. "The sausage hair."

The security guards do not hesitate to pull Lila away from Alya, dragging the Italian out when she strained and stood still.

"HEY! Let me go!” She leaves screaming. WI employees don't even look twice at the scene, seeming used to it.

"You can't do this to her!" Alya complains. "Where is Ms. Bustier?!"

“We can and are doing it. It amazes me that you're defending her after finding out that besides being a liar and a racist, she's homophobic.” Jason says, no humor in his tone. "And your teacher is already on a plane to Paris."

The whole class chokes on surprise. The whole class.

“What?!” Adrien shouts and Titus cries at the loud noise. He quickly caresses the dog, apologizing. "Sorry buddy." Jon smiles, in love with the blonde.

“She had to go back to Paris for an audience with the minister of education.” Tim replies. “She and Dupont's principal have been charged with negligence and cover-up. If they are found guilty, both will face the law “

"And they'll be fired." Damian adds. The morbid pleasure shining in his eyes.

"But why? She did nothing!” Rose complains. Her face was red from crying.

“Exactly, Tinker Bell. She did nothing.” Duke says. “She saw bullying, witnessed it and never did anything to help or try to stop. She just threw all the responsibility on one person thinking she was making the choice of the year.”

"And what does the principal have to do with it?" Nino asks. He was the only one who seemed to have understood the gravity of the situation, but was slow to believe.

“Dupont's principal has been a coward for a long time. He left a lot behind the scenes because he didn't want problems with people bigger than him and that was his mistake.” Bruce replies.

Everyone in the class is silent for a while. Each in their own thoughts, digesting everything that had happened. Meanwhile, Marinette and her friends were talking animatedly to Jonathan, who had his arms around Adrien like a koala.

“So… did Lila really lie to us all this time?” Mylene asks, her voice barely coming out.

"Unfortunately, Ms. Haprèle." Bruce says. The solemn face.

Nathaniel puts the hands to his mouth, the eyes wide with dread and everyone looks at him.

“I-I didn't send my portfolio to the university I wanted to get into because Lila had promised me an interview with a famous comic book author!”

And there is a mass reaction of the same kind.

Apparently, Lila had promised to help them in their careers, with their supposed connections in high places. Which now, they saw how fake it had been, since Lila had promised to introduce Nino to Steven Spielberg since Dupont's sophomore year, but it was years and she always made an excuse for not having happened yet.

Alya fell to her knees, devastated.

"T-that's why they turned me down." She says tearfully. “They said they couldn't accept someone who published gossip and lies, but I never understood what they meant. Until now. "

Marinette felt bad for them. She didn't think Lila had clenched her claws so deeply that it would damage their future. She knew Alya would have complications to be taken seriously, but she didn't think it would be to the point of refusing her university entrance.

"I-" Alya mumbles and looks up at Marinette. "Mari."

Marinette shakes her head.

“No.” She says. “I'm so sorry for you guys. Really. I hope you can follow your dream, but I don't want your apologies.”

“But-” Juleka protests.

“I spent years being trampled and scorned by you because someone you barely knew accused me of bullying and being a jealous bitch. I will not accept your apologies. I'm glad you finally opened your eyes, but that's all.”

“Are you going to throw years of friendship in the trash just to punish us?” Nino attacks.

“What friendship?” Marinette says. “All I remember about this supposed friendship, is to do everything for you and you not repaying even 1% of it.”

"You forgave Chloe after all she did, so why not us?" Nathaniel points out.

“Because she was honest with me. Because she sought help. Because she got better and was genuine for it.”

"And we're not?" Rose whimpers.

"No. You're apologizing because you saw your golden ticket was false.” Growls and everyone shuts up.

They shut up because she was right. They were not genuinely sorry for what they did. They didn't feel guilty about it because it was Lila's fault! Only hers. She deceived them, she who lied. Not them. So why feel guilty about something they didn't do?

But they were guilty. Lila only gave the wick, but they came with the lighter, set it on fire and sat down to watch the candle melt. She didn't force them. They did it willingly and with unprecedented excitement.

"I think we're done for today." Bruce Wayne interrupts the moment. "They'd better be taken back to the hotel." He was talking to Duke, who quickly put the phone to his ear and spoke to someone.

"Come on, I'll take you back to the bus." Dick says, helping Alya to her feet.

The class begins to move, following him out of the cafeteria, but they notice the absence of the others.

"Mr. Grayson, aren't Marinette and the others coming too?” Ivan asks.

Dick glances over his shoulder before looking forward again.

"No. They will stay with the family for the rest of the trip.”

Because Bruce Wayne was so protective of those he loved and Dick doubted he would let Lila Rossi get close to Marinette again. Not when he had the power and influence to prevent it.

But then he would have to face Damian in the witch hunt. Dick was sure the young man already had at least two plans underway. One fatal and one less fatal.

Because that was how their family was.

And Lila Rossi was nothing more than a gum stuck in the sole of their shoe.

EXTRA 1:

"Okay, whose idea was it to bring everyone to WI?" Marinette questions idly.

"Dick." Damian replies without bothering to toss his brother under the bus.

“DAMIAN!” The eldest complains.

"What? I'd rather you angry than Marinette.”

"Okay, fair." Dick sighs. “But the idea was not mine. I just passed it on.”

Marinette raises her eyebrow, demanding.

"And who did?"

"Tikki."

"WHAT?! I'LL KILL TIKKI!” Marinette shouts and everyone runs away from her fury.

×××

In Paris, more precisely in the box of the Miraculous, the kwami of creation stops playing with others to sneeze.

"Wow, I think I'm getting sick."

"Or maybe someone is talking about you." Mullo answers.

“But who-” She widens her eyes in panic.

Plagg begins to laugh wildly.

“Looks like we'll have kwami barbecue soon.”

“PLAGG!”

×××

They didn't have kwami barbecue, but it was pretty close.

EXTRA 2:

"Do you think she would have gone crazy right there if I said you're not my only boyfriend?" Adrien asks.

"... It would have been awesome!" Jonathan responds dreamily.

"Can you pay attention to me? I'm feeling left out." Luka complains.

"Sorry sweetie!" Jonathan smiles.

Adrien thinks he wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. Not even if his lady showed up asking him in marriage.

... Which would not be a bad image. The four together.

×××

Probably Damian would kill him if he accepted.

×××

But still a good image.

[glossary]

Muso giallo – literally "yellow muzzle". It is an offensive term used to refer to Chinese people, sometimes to Asian in general, with intent to point out their yellowish complexion as an indication of racial inferiority. The use of the word "muzzle" is in order not to consider them humans, but animals.

I searched for racial slurs, but I was so pissed off at what I found that I needed to scream at the pillow.

[tag list]

@spicybelladonna​ @mystery-5-5​ @captainmac6​  @theatreandcomicfreak  @politelyvicious  @thepeacetea  @violatiger8  @vixen-uchiha  @officiallyathiana  @beautym3  @slytherin-heartthrob  @bluerosette23   @g-arya  @sassdowflame  @sunkenshipsanddreams @magicalfirebird @miraculous786  @emjrabbitwolf 

#daminette #damian x marinette #maribat #adrien agreste #le chien kim #ml alix #ml sabrina #chloe bourgeois #marinette dupain cheng #damian #ml salt #miraculous ladybug #one shots

[consumedkings-archive]

things you were afraid to say + elliot x john xx

tysm babes!!! i had fun finagling this one a bit--set in a pre-cult (or maybe no cult?) au and with a splash of christmas for the holidays 💖 ~1.7k (i’m sorry it’s so long these two idiots share one brain cell and they use it entirely for talking shit to each other)

blue, baby ✤ no-cult au

honeyseed + things you were afraid to say

word count: ~1.7k im sorry

warnings: none! just these two fools being themselves

It was exactly the time of year that John Seed liked to come and get in her way.

Elliot was not a woman easily won over, especially after a breakup; these things were gravely permanent to her, sometimes in a fatalistic way that Joey often said was too hard to be constructive anymore. The only exception to the rule had been John Seed—wealthy, spoiled lawyer who spent maybe a little too much time in front of a mirror to be the kind of guy that Elliot usually went for. They had dated on and off non-seriously for a few months, and then “seriously” (which Elliot always put in quotes, because the only person who seemed to take it serious was her) for another six months, followed by a series of get-togethers and break-ups that were instigated by both sides in equal amounts.

So, yes; John Seed was not the kind of man that Elliot usually went for—and this meant that he was the exception to all of her rules, across the board.

His favorite time to come sweeping back in was the holidays. She had her theories as to why; they included, namely, that John would be attending family dinners with his brothers and sister, and couldn’t stand the idea that he’d be showing up alone. He also knew that Elliot’s mother would be hounding her to come and celebrate Christmas at her house—which was fine (“fine”), but made her acutely aware of the parental failings of her absentee father and alcoholic mother.

This was why as soon as Elliot opened the front door of her house and saw John standing there in his stupid turtleneck and dumb fucking shades, and he said, “Hey there, beautiful,” she slammed the door in his face.

Or rather, tried to; John knew her as well as she did him, now, and he jammed one booted foot into the way before the door could get closed. There was that infuriatingly charming, boyish grin on his face. “Was it something I said?”

“More your existence in my space,” Elliot snipped back, narrowing her eyes. “If anyone else stuck their foot in my door they’d be incapacitated.”

“I know,” John said in the way that she hated—because he was right. He did know. “But you wouldn’t do that to me.”

Elliot made a non-committal noise, to leave room for uncertainty. John hesitated, just for a second, and he inched his knee past the door.

“Invite me in, baby, it’s freezing out,” he purred. Elliot hated the way that his voice made her skin prickle with a strange anticipation, a craving. It was why John had become her exception; everything he did, his pet names and the way his hands had to always be on her, reverent, covetous—they were things she had never known that she wanted until John did them, and now if anyone else did those things, they felt cheap. Nothing like the real deal, John had said once, when she’d muttered it into his neck at night.

“What are you, a vampire?” Elliot scoffed. “Use your two grown man legs and walk in yourself.”

“Just trying to be polite.”

She released the pressure she was holding on the door and let him in; a chilly breeze had wafted in, bringing with it some dredges of snow as well, and goosebumps prickled along her skin. John shut the door behind him, shrugging out of his coat, taking a quick glance around the living room. The details of her evening were laid out quite clear; a bottle of wine, a barely-touched bowl of popcorn, the paused Christmas movie on the TV. As soon as he stepped out of his shoes and sidled after her, Boomer barked from his bed in delight. His tail wagged excitedly, but he waited—ever obedient—until Elliot said, “Alright, then,” and he went racing to John.

“Exciting night?” John asked casually, knelt down to rub Boomer’s ears with as much politeness as he could muster. “I see you’ve invested yourself into Hallmark Christmas.” The words left his mouth with a degree of disdain, which was not lost on her. Stupid fucker couldn’t resist being a pompous asshole even in her own house, huh?

“Actually, yes, I was having a very nice evening,” she huffed, tucking her legs up under her as she settled on the couch. He laughed, giving Boomer a few of the big pats that the dog really liked and she continued, “What do you want, John?”

The question made the brunette pause. He looked frustratingly attractive, in his black turtle neck and slacks, his shades tucked up into his hair. He came and sat next to her on the couch; Elliot turned so that her back was against the arm and she was facing him head-on. No room for shenanigans.

“I miss you, El,” John said, and she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Shut the fuck up.” Her cheeks felt red already; the earnestness in his voice was enough to make her heart stutter painfully in her chest. “You don’t know how many times you’ve said those exact words to me in this exact situation—”

“Four or five,” he admitted. He propped his arm up on the top of her knee and leaned into her a little bit, until her eyes narrowed. “Don’t look at me like that. Didn’t you miss me too?”

Yes, she thought, but the idea of saying the words out loud made her stomach lurch with dread. It was too easy for John to do that to her—plunge her straight into the kinds of things that wadded the fear up high and desperate in her throat, things like I missed you and I want you and I love you.

So she didn’t say any of those things, even though they were all certainly true and even though she certainly felt them, regardless of whether they were broken up or not. Instead, she said, “What is there to miss, John Seed?”

Of course I missed you.

One of his hands went to cover his heart. The silver rings that he favored glittered, reminding her that she had also never liked a man who accessorized quite like John, either, until he’d come along. Now, she found herself hopelessly attracted to brunettes with ear piercings and Gucci shades and silver rings and tattoos that answered to the name John.

“Elliot Honeysett, you’ve mortally wounded me. I hope you’re happy with yourself.” He leaned back against the couch, watching her with his eyes—infuriatingly blue—before he cracked that boyish grin at her. “I mean it, El, I did miss you. I meant it those other times and I mean it now.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. “That’s nice of you to say, but I don’t know what you want me to do with this information.” Warily, she eyed him. “And you are notorious for saying nice things.”

John flashed his teeth in a wolfish grin that did very little to inspire confidence in her. “I want,” he replied, the pad of his thumb dragging along the inside of her knee, “for you to say it back.”

“No,” Elliot replied instantly, out of instinct. “Fuck you.”

“So prickly.” He leaned in, having sidled between her legs, and reached up; his fingers traced the slope of her jaw. “I know that our undeniable and instantaneous connection is scary for you—”

She warned, “You are within perfect punching range.”

“—but more than anything,” John continued, voice pitching low into a murmur, “all I want is to hear you say you missed me too.”

They were all there, inside of her—collected up, gathered up and packed away for later, those things that would have made him happy if she said them. I missed yous and I love yous and I want yous. Collecting dust from misuse, because the only person that made her want to say those things was also the person that made her afraid to say them at all.

“El,” John murmured. “I can hear those little gears of your turning.”

“You make me so fucking mad,” she replied, the words trying to stick in her throat on their way out of her mouth. Her chest felt tight; all of the alarm bells in her head kept ringing, screaming at her to stop, but John was close and leaning closer and he was so warm and the smell of his cologne was washing over her and—

It didn’t matter how many times he said the words. They always hit the same chords within her, and they always made her want him with every inch of her being. It was all Elliot really ever wanted; for someone to want her, to crave her, to jealously covet her like she was something to be treasured. John was always very good at that—unpacking her, pulling her thread until she unraveled, to dig down into the nitty-gritty of what she actually wanted the most.

But Joey, Elliot would have to say when inevitably this came up in their next phone call, he smelled so good when he said it to me, and he called me baby, and held my face the way he knows I like.

“I did,” she managed out, feeling that little adrenaline-drop she got every time she let herself even start thinking about saying something like this to him, like the plunge of a rollercoaster. “Of course I missed you, you fuckhead.”

John leaned in and kissed her, and she could feel him grinning against her mouth; his fingers carded through her hair and then gripped at the base of her skull so he could kiss her again. Mistake, something in her said. Big fucking mistake. But it was too late; she knew how this song and dance went.

“Of course,” he agreed, and sounded quite pleased with himself. “I know how hard it is for you to admit it—”

“I’ll take it back.” She pulled back to narrow her eyes at him, even though she was sure she didn’t look very scary at all, knowing that he could hear how fast her heart was beating. “If I find out you tell one single person—”

“No need,” John assured her against her mouth. “I’ll keep it just between us.”

#ask games #faithchel #!!!!! still can't believe u even go here stella like i am a goblin #take some fluff #and john being a shithead #(what's new) #christmas au?? #ch: elliot honeysett #ch: john seed #otp: death keep off; i am your enemy #my writing #i spent so much time being like what's john like if he's not a psycho cult leader lmfao

[what-a-messsss]

1x8 rewatch

Oh nooooo, it’s the sex cult one, and I feel so bad about the gas station guy.  It’s one of the few times that Ruby actually gets a bit of screen time, which is grand because Ruby is the actual best, but she’s so sad.  

Kudos for the continuity of his truck still being a slammed up wreck.  I hope I notice when he gets it more or less fixed, just to see how long it took in the end.

I still have thoughts and feelings about Walt’s bear paw print buckle.  Why can’t he be the kind of friend that Henry deservessssssS?

Oh honey, Ruby.  Breakin’ my heart, here.  I have a sort of headcanon that in addition to just generally knowing everybody because she’s Ruby, that she would get to know the folx who run the places that would likely tend to end up calling in a bit more often (gas station owners, bartenders, DV advocates, shelter workers) a bit better.  But he was also her contemporary, so hell, they might have gone to high school together, or gone to the same dances as teens.  Basically I have lots of feelings about Ruby, and I dearly wish that she had had more screen time and character development.

Looool, Branch actually doing some decent police work.  

I am unreasonably fond of Ellis just because of the jackalope with the camera. 

GLASSES.  And these are Henry’s early glasses, excellent.  I am choosing not to ruminate on the fact that I have mentally ranked the glasses that he has throughout the series.  That mess of the cable is making me twitch, though.  I may not deal all that much with the sound equipment, but yeeeesh, that is not great for the cable.  He’s so pretty, though.

Again with the Ruby feels, with her working on the eulogy!  She’s so wonderful.

Early seasons Ferg falls into the trap of making the chubby guy clueless and ridiculous, but I mostly forgive the writers for that because he does get some character growth.  And he is practically a kid these early days.  He’s what, mid 20s or something?  ...whaaaaaat.  Whaaaaat??  I just googled, and the actor was 33 in S1.  Oof.  Well.  Then the character just had some, uh, room for personal growth.  >.>

Ooooooope, first introduction of Newett!  Supervisor simultaneously managing to be a tool, and to call out Walt and Vic on their little blackmail threat.  

Aaaaand then this is also why I forgive the writers about Ferg: he’s not a complete lump.  They give him his own quirks, but then those quirks do prove useful.  Nerd powers activate!  You go get your geology thang on, buddy.  BLESS HIM.  And then once Henry does realize that he’s onto something, he doesn’t belittle him, just rolls with the new information.

“The DMV again.  What, am I being punished for something?”  No Vic, it’s called being one of 3 deputies, so it’s your frickin’ job.  If you’re too high and lofty to do the job, why did you take it?  (I wanted to like her character, I swear I did.)

Tooooooooom Wopat.  Heh.  Wilkins is such an ass.  And it’s so very amusing to see him in that role, because, of course, the first role I saw him in was as Bo Duke in Dukes of Hazzard.  ...Bo would have grown up to be a better sheriff than Wilkins is, though, oil company shill that he is.  The mustache works for him, though.  Wilkins starts off as reasonable.  He’s up front about the campaign checks from Newett, and has a valid point about Walt stomping around wherever he damn well feels like it without so much as a radio call ahead.  “Didn’t have time,” my big toe.  Absaroka is supposed to be big, which means that it would take time to even get to the county line.  More than enough time for Vic to call in to the station on her phone, or for them to radio ahead.  He just doesn’t like not being able to do exactly what he wants exactly when he wants wherever the hell he wants, with no acknowledgement of other people’s boundaries or responsibilities.  (I’m more cheesed off on Mathias’ behalf than Wilkins here, but the point is largely the same.)

And then he promises that he’ll check in before any future visits, which is as much use as a fart.  All it does is clear the room, with no lasting impression.  UGH.

Early Branch still does want Walt’s approval.  He bucks the down-talking that Walt constantly gives him, and does think that he has better ideas a lot of the time...  ...but his reaction when Walt says that he thinks he’s right (given the circumstances) is a tiny bit heartbreaking.  With a dad like Barlow, it’s no wonder that he’d be absolutely aching for support and approval from a father figure and the few moments where Walt gives him any sort of nod clearly land deep.  

I adore Ferg and Henry’s extremely different reactions to the rando baby.  Henry is like >:( BABY DOES NOT BELONG HERE; WHO LEFT BABY HERE ANGY HENRY, but Ferg is just instantly a worried pile of sparkles and cotton fluff going Baaaaabyyyyy!

Cady!  Speaking of schmoopy people in the face of a baby, she’s adorable.  And competent.  I love her.  That’s a great top on her, too.  Shut up, I’m not just saying that because it’s yellow.

Ferg is such an optimist.  And I want to believe that he just carries that map around with him any time he’s on duty, not just for this case.  It seems like a very Ferg, just in case, thing to do.

[Aaaand sidetracked for a 45 minutes by the expanding Cobbler verse in the form of spinning more ideas about Ruby’s daughter and family.  I love them so much.]

Ok, I might have a little bit of a double standard.  Walt not playing by the rules annoys me, but Henry seeing the ‘No Trespassing’ sign and basically just shrugging and doing how he do is amusing to me.  Wow, Henry; you make it a whole 20 feet inside the fence before the rentacops roll up.  Womp womp.  Ew, and the racism.  Which he handles with grace and humor, but bleeegh.  And the unspoken, but so very clear, ‘bitch’ following his “How.”  Hearteyes forever.

I swear, Henry gets pulled into so much of Walt’s bs without even really asking that much.

OPE.  I have caught a booboo.  First of all, it’s kind of hilarious that Fiona Hines, aka “October” in the creepy sex cult has a DOB on her license of 04/15/1954.  She looks pretty good for a 58 year old.  But her address is listed as 6 Meadow Dr. RT 10, Durant Wyoming, aaaaand then Vic has her, “Guess where the address is--” and they cut to apparently Cumberland County, because there’s Sheriff Wilkins being all unhelpful.  I’m such a pedantic little asshole.  

The oncoming train is certainly an effective method of ratchetting up tension.  The teacup on the track is a neat visual, but makes no sense, because the vibrations of a train going by, much less one slamming on the breaks like that would have either knocked it off or shattered it.  ...I’m why we can’t have nice things, aren’t I.

And then Ruby coming through with tying off the emotional thread of the episode.  She’s a gem, and I wish we’d had more of her.

#Longmire #Ruby is the actual best #Spoilers #spoilers for the whole show probably #episode commentary #Henry Standing Bear #Walt #Cady

[gizkasparadise]

kdrama rec: arthdal chronicles

Master Kdrama rec list.

Series: Arthdal Chronicles/Chronicles of Arthdal Episodes: 18 (with an opening for another season) SEASON 2 IS ON! (one..day) Genres: fantasy, pseudo-historical, politics, romance, action/adventure/Quests Spoilers in the Review: yes regarding one character :/ they’re a main and their existence is a spoiler If You Like, You’ll Like: spartacus, REVERSE HAREMS, villain couples with functional macbeth realness, male characters with hair better than the female characters, but female characters generally being far far more competent, moon lovers but not as sad, dictatorships for the Aesthetic, blood+, anything with Mystic God Priest Power, Destiny

Rank: 10/10

“owning the land is equal to owning the sky and the wind.”

Premise (spoilers for the first episode and the existence of a major character).

in the pseudo-Bronze Age, two races of people (the sarams and the neanthals) live in an uneasy co-existence. the sarams want an alliance for the neanthal’s lands so that they can farm and mine, the neanthals are like lol we don’t need any of that because we actually have survivalist skills so keep your agriculture you nerds b y e.

the leader of the saram is Not Having That, and sends an envoy (asa hon) to allegedly act as a diplomat. what she actually does is unknowingly carries a plague that wipes out a huge chunk of the neanthals. because that is not enough, the leader sends his son (tagon) to wrap up the rest of this genocide.

asa hon is betrayed and upset and doesn’t return to the sarams. instead, she shacks up with a surviving neanthal named ragaz and they have spoilers twin boys spoilers, hybrids known as igutu. based on Prophecy, any children born under the blue flame comet are Destined to bring calamity. so, doom babies. they are two doom babies.

after killing ragaz, tagon snatches one of the babies For Reasons, and asa hon flees with the other

flashforward about a decade.

the neanthals are extinct OR ARE THEY we get a pretty Quick understanding of who tagon is as a human as he’s re-introduced drinking out of one of their skulls before being surrounded by his hypemen who chant his name Gaston style. he’s joined by taeahla, and they are a Match Made in Hell. it’s quickly revealed that taeahl is raising the other twin baby, who is kept hidden because he’s igutu. and, like, tagon’s famous because he killed all of the neanthal, so having one of their hybrid babies is ngl

asa hon makes it to a land beyond the saram’s influence, where she and eunseom come across a tribe called wahan. they’re lead by a ten-year-old tanya, who had a dream that eunseom would arrive. which is a big deal, because sarams can’t dream. it turns out tanya was also born on Blue Comet Doom Prophecy Day. asa hon dies from the injuries she obtained saving her son, and eunseom is raised by the wahan tribe. it’s a very idyllic existence for them.

until tagon and his men invade in a manifest-destiny-realness bid to capture slaves and conquer land and ruin wahan’s coachella festival before enslaving all of them and bringing what survives of the tribe to arthdal.

the plot then centers around eunseom trying to rescue the wahan tribe, the wahan tribe trying to survive arthdal, and something about gods being reborn, political backstabbing, a church cult being absolute dicks, and a lot of interchangeable evil old men

it’s a fucking awesome show.

Characters.

Eunseom

A PRECIOUS BEAN BABY

eunseom’s been a part of the wahan tribe since he was ten, but everyone (especially him) is aware he’s Different From The Rest of the Reindeer. the only one who treats him the same is tanya, and it’s clear these two are joined at the hip. he has dreams of being locked away in a tower, has a bunch of ~strange~ ideas like trying to ride horses, and is totes crushing on the soon-to-be village wise woman. once the wahan village is attacked, he makes it his mission to save the tribe and his One True Love tanya

pure. does not think things through. just wants to believe in people, god damn it.

tanya

my wife daughter of the wahanian version of “crazy old maurice,” and apprentice to the Great Mother of the Tribe. as another child born under the Doom Comet, she’s been known as the Prophesied One since birth (the One Who Will Break the Shell). we meet her as she’s struggling to follow in the Great Mother’s footsteps, and her journey is grounded in uncovering her mystical destiny. naive and a fish out of water, she leads her people in surviving arthdal after their enslavement

moves like jagger. center of a reverse harem. by her pretty flower crown she can end you

tagon

this bitch but also that bitch. almost single-handedly responsible for the genocide of the neanthals, tagon’s grown into the leader of an army that is the definition of ride-or-die for him. he has a 100% approval rating in arthdal due to defeating the neanthal, defeating the ago tribe, and defeating the will to live for the thousands of slaves he supplies for arthdal’s terrible economic system. he starts the series off with Pure Intentions, in that he wants to rule but he wants to do it by The Love of The People. because that works out well for people who habitually wear black cloaks

poster child #1 for arthdal’s fantastic hair products for men, will smirk you to death, you feel sorry for him a lot and you’re like why?? but then yeaaah, can only stare in heart eyes at his partner in subterfuge...

taeahla

MY WIFE said partner in subterfuge. i cannot spell her fucking name ever. her and tagon have been Not Together for over ten years. she’s the heiress to the hae tribe, who are known for their inventions and are the only tribe that knows how to smith bronze into weapons. therefore she’s hot shit. and also just hot. she seems like the character You’re Not Going to Like but she became one of my favorites after the first episode.

she wants to help tagon in his ambitions, but she also v much wants to see his ambitions help herself. her and tagon made an Oath to never sacrifice their survival for the other and that’s the most metal thing i’ve ever heard. she wears couture. would get a pre-nup. can and will fuck you up. and she also raises the Hidden Igutu Twin Doom Baby...SPOILERS

saya

so at this point you’re probably thinking a few things: this show needs more beautiful hair and pro fashion sense, a complete shit stirrer, and a morally ambiguous pretty boy.

well well well

saya is eunseom’s twin brother, although neither of them know about the other’s existence. because of their neanthal blood, they can see snapshots of each other’s lives in their dreams. as his existence would lead to death, and would DEFINITELY garner tagon some bad PR, saya’s been locked away in his princess tower for the majority of his life. he views tagon and taeahla as his father and mother, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.

daddy’s boy. wants to kill birds for fun. has the hots for the girl who can teach him how to kill birds for fun. surprisingly religious???

Other support characters selected by how much they are my favorites.

mubaek. an OG warrior and tired wine uncle

chae eun. daughter of the somehow singular doctor in arthdal and the only one who actually wants to help people. INCREDIBLE knit wear

xabara WARRIOR QUEEN OF A TRIBE OF MERMEN

yangcha. like. just look at him. you already know he was your favorite character in the 923840923 angsty anime you watched in 2010. Ultimate Warrior for tagon who has Taken a Vow of Silence and Wears A Half Mask So You Know He’s Actually Hot. the mask is torn off his face dramatically at least once. there’s a quota for that kind of thing, you know

this horse.

Drawbacks.

it’s very much an Ensemble show, which means if you’re only watching for 1-2 characters you’re likely going to get frustrated. there’s several plot lines going on

there’s a lot of Interchangeable Evil Old Men and i dont care about any of them

IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER AND SEASON 2 ISNT CONFIRMED YET ISNT GONNA BE UNTIL LIKE 2022

Reasons to Watch.

WORLD BUILDING. im a huge nerd for world building and the lore in this makes me so happy.

AESTHETICS. find me a more beautiful cast with more beautiful scenery and costumes. you can’t.

i love?? all the leads???? like normally i get frustrated with the second leads in dramas, but i genuinely love all of them and was interested in all of their stories. this show has an incredible cast/set of actors and they bring it home

im a sucker for romance. there’s some great ones. and omg do you know how rare it is to see a reverse harem?! get it, tanya

the time era is cool!!

Gods doing Mystical God Shit

so many female characters!!!!!! AND NONE OF THEM FIGHT OVER A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEY’RE ALL BETTER AT THEIR JOBS

Final Thoughts.

WATCH THE THING

IT’S ON NETFLIX

#arthdal chronicles #arthdal #song joong ki #kim ji won #kdrama #gizkarec #gizka does kdrama #!my post

[triggerboom]

( ursula corbero, 25, she/her ) welcome to san francisco, IRATI MONEDERO. rumor has it they are a CAMBION, but only they could tell you the truth! when i close my eyes, i think of them and imagine BLACK HELMETS AND MOTORCYCLES, A KATANA WITH FRESH DRIPPING BLOOD, THE NOISE OF A NUCLEAR ALARM.

tw: child abuse, violence, murder, child murder

born in madrid, spain, to an alcoholic abusive father ( hector monedero ) and a mother to meek and ill to help anyone, including herself ( martina monedero ).

is the oldest of two siblings, having a brother who is three years younger.

hector has hated her from the moment she was born, seeing how he’s always wanted to have a son. 

they moved to the usa after martina’s case became a social case and a charity funded her treatment abroad.

needless to say, hector was overjoyed when a son was born and the two became very close. in fact, hector was steadily building the boy in his image, so hector’s torment started to double.

as a child, irati was obedient and shy, though all of the things that rained down on her were simply taken and bottled up inside of a volcano. when she was 14 and her brother 11, she witnessed him do some horrible things to a girl. she jumped in her defense, but ended up getting carried away and beating her own brother up to a pulp. looks like violence became her answer for everything too.

oddly enough, that made hector like her slightly more. and since she felt apologetic, she and her brother started over and their bond was closer than before. they both came to understand hector was ruining them, so they decided to do something and rid themselves, their mother, and the world of his torment.

unsurprisingly, they killed him. turns out that irati had quite the nerve and stomach and that her brother was terribly good at covering things up. their mother caught them and, amid the shock, had a heart attack and died on the spot. in a fit of rage, irati burned down the house and she fled together with her brother.

they were later found by someone who made a habit out of ‘collecting’ troubled and dangerous supernatural kids, taking their worst traits and turning them into useful things for doing some good ( really badly ).

murdering came easy to her and she quickly rose as a skilled assassin. by the age of 25, she became the head of the assassination group and was sent to carry out a mission that should have been simple in theory. they dealt with a demonic cult and then ran into a boy, no older than 15, who was one of those truly evil cambions. 

some of her team claimed he was just a child. he did too, claiming he was starting anew. but she recognized that glint in his eye, that sweet lie, similar to her own father’s. in a fit of paranoia and a bit of ptsd, she pressed the trigger and killed him, breaking the biggest rule: NO KILLING CHILDREN.

she was demoted from her position and kicked out of the home for a janitor job at salvatore. it’s mean to serve as a lesson or whatever, but truth be told, she’s pissed. she believes she’s made the right choice, that the kid would’ve grown up to be another hector, and she’s definitely not made for trash duty.

she’s been on the job for around three months and it gets worse every day. she can’t leave because there’s nowhere else to go and because she kinda wants her old life back ( and might also kind of want to redeem herself ).

WANTED CONNECTIONS

another one of the foster kids.

someone she used to tag team with for assassination missions.

a friend with benefits.

a student at salvatore she especially hates.

someone who knew her as a child, before she killed her father.

someone who lost a beloved person bc she offed them.

her brother.

#apx:intro

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Worst of 2019

I had to follow-up my “Best of 2019″ list with its opposite universe counterpart but before I give the movies that made me suffer another lashing, let’s make a couple of things clear. I’m not a paid professional and even if I was, all I would be is a film critic. Making movies is hard. Nobody in the industry aims to do a bad job - there are much easier ways to make a living. Even though I might’ve hated these films with a passion that still smolders now, I’ve got mad respect for anyone who decides to put themselves out there and put together a movie. At the end of the day, your work is going to live on. You made something millions will see. Me? I’ll ultimately fade away. Take this into consideration as we single out the movies that tried and failed, sometimes spectacularly.

10. Cats

Cats is the kind of movie that doesn’t come around often. It’s actually kind of fascinating to watch, or it would be if it weren’t so boring. Rebel Wilson (who was destined to have a movie on this list when she starred in The Hustle) plays a cat who unzips her skin to reveal an outfit… above her skin again? She leads a choreographed troupe of singing mice and cockroaches that fill you with terror and confusion. It’s as if they’ve been scaled so the actors could scoop them up and swallow them whole - as cats would do - but because human proportions are so different from cat’s the objects and other animals they interact with change size from scene to scene. Meanwhile, Idris Elba is prowling around with his coat all open, his non-existent junk exposed to all who want to see. Our main character is so bland and unmemorable she makes no impact on you whatsoever. There’s magic in a plot that’s composed almost entirely of introductions - which might make it accurate to the broadway show but not entertaining as a movie -, dodgy special effects in every frame, lame jokes coming from the left and the right… and yet, I don’t hate this film like I do the others on this list. In fact, a part of me even admires Cats.

The thing is, had this movie worked, it would’ve been hailed as genius. It didn’t so it’s being ridiculed but I have to give it points for its ambition and willingness to take chances. That means a lot in a year in which every single one of the top ten grossing films were sequels, remakes or expansions of already-existing properties.The gamble didn’t pay off, but Cats had the guts to walk up to the plate.

9. Dumbo

I was tempted to lump The Lion King and Aladdin along with this tale of a baby elephant that learns to fly while a family of circus performers learn that the big circus tycoon played by Michael Keaton is a meanie. Few of the Disney “live-action” remakes do anything to validate their existence. They’re just feeding you what you can already watch at home for free because you probably already own the originals on home video or you have Disney+. I’m going to single out Dumbo as the worst because it actually tried something different and failed spectacularly. This means we can expect all future Disney remakes to take as few chances as possible.

8. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot

There are other movies I could’ve put in this spot (see the Runner-Ups section below for examples) but I had to consider the experience as well as the movie itself. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is an unfunny comedy that walks into the room as if it’s going to marry your mother and be your new father. It makes fun of the very thing it’s doing. This might make it appealing to members of the “View Askewniverse” cult but not to me. Whether you’ve been brainwashed by Kevin Smith or not, it’s impossible to sit through the painful bonus material which follows the film, particularly the interviews conducted by Jason Mewes. The actor displays no charisma whatsoever while asking questions you don’t care about to people who obviously don’t want to be on camera. I get what Smith was doing; he was trying to give his fans more than just the movie but anyone in their right mind should’ve seen the bonus footage and burned it.

4. Dark Phoenix

What a disappointing way to end the X-Men franchise. Dull until the very end and then interesting for just enough time to make you realize you didn’t just dream it all, the movie was a bad idea from the start. We haven’t known the young version of the X-Men long enough for this story to mean anything and the choices made to make this story more faithful to the comics makes you wonder if you stepped into the wrong movie. Even before seeing Dark Phoenix, I thought people were being too harsh on The Last Stand. They did a lot of things wrong in 2006 but they had the good sense to leave out the aliens. It’s not great but it’s been somewhat redeemed since because its plot advanced the series and meant something in the end. Even if Disney had considered keeping this franchise alive while it was acquiring Fox, this is such a mess they now have no choice but to reboot the whole thing.

4. Jexi

Jexi feels like it just escaped from a time capsule. Even when it would’ve been new, it wouldn’t have been funny. This had no business appearing in theatres and watching the trailer again reminded me of why I hated it as much as I did. If you suspect you have mutant powers that just need to be unlocked by a traumatic or life-altering event, barricade your doors and start playing this movie. You’ll want to escape so desperately, you might suddenly develop the ability to bend space and time.

6. Rambo: Last Blood

This 5th entry in the Rambo series didn’t even have the guts to commit to being a proper conclusion. The titular character appears to succumb to his wounds as the picture closes… only to get up and go find medical attention during the end credits. Senselessly gory and violent, its depiction of Mexico leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

5. Shaft

No one was asking for this movie, not even fans of the original Richard Roundtree films or the 2000 Sam Jackson reboot. It tired story attempts to introduce a new version of the classic blaxploitation character to a new audience. In the process, it makes you hate the two “heroes” we follow through a generic plot filled with offensive humor. The only good thing about Shaft is that it prompted me to check out the originals.

3. My People, My Country

The Farewell made me think a lot about how we should view other cultures, particularly China. In it, Awkwafina’s Billi is caught in a moral dilemma when she learns her beloved grandmother is dying and that her family is keeping the secret from sweet Nai Nai. You go in thinking the American-raised woman is going to do the right thing by tearing the charade apart but it’s not long before you realize this scenario isn't that simple. When it comes to My People, My Country, I am going to judge. What’s the moral of this movie again? Give up your life, your dreams, your family for the sake of a country that sees you as nothing more than an expandable pion? If that weren’t bad enough, the movie’s so dull it’ll be an epic struggle to stay awake. Whose idea was it to have an entire segment of this anthology dedicated to the engineers who ensured the mechanism that would raise China’s flag in 1949? It’s as exciting as it sounds.

2. ¡Ay, mi madre!

The worst part of this list is that I know how few people reading will be able to relate. ¡Ay, mi madre! wasn't released theatrically in North America, but movies release “Straight to Netflix” have become such a big deal I’ll make an exception to my usual rule of disqualifying direct-to movies from this list. In terms of filmmaking, this is the worst movie I’ve seen in a long, long time. It’s more technically inept than anything else on this list by far. The comedy is so unfunny it’ll make you question your life, the actors are not convincing even before they open their mouths to speak and the ending might as well be a big middle finger towards the people watching. It ha no ending, almost as if they cobbled together the few salvageable strands of footage someone scooped out of the trash into something vaguely related to “coherent”. Remember the name so you know never to click “play” if you happen upon it like I did.

The Runner-Ups

Simmba

I was deeply offended by this Bollywood film but technically, it’s a 2018 movie so I decided to only include it here. It’s loathsome but admittedly, my hatred for it has somewhat subsided since I saw it. Don’t ask me why. This movie sucks.

Playmobil The Movie

This is what we thought we were going to get when they announced “The Lego Movie”. Terrible songs, a lazy plot that makes terrible use of the property it’s advertising, unfunny jokes, and a lack of imagination guarantee this film is destined to make everyone involved regret the day it was released.

Hellboy

Yet another failed superhero movie that enthusiastically sets itself up for a sequel when it’s so obvious to everyone watching that there isn’t going to be one. The one thing it’s got going for it is a pretty cool scene towards the end where demons escape into our world and begin tearing civilians to pieces. To get to that, you must sit through endless scenes that bash you over the head with a mallet marked “Rated R”. Gallons of blood and intestines spilling onto the floor, doesn’t mean the movie is meant for adults. This was written by a teenager disguised as a grown-up.

Gemini man

They waited all these years for the de-aging technology to get where it is now… for this story? Someone should’ve pointed out to director Ang Lee when he was getting ready to film that training doesn’t alter your DNA. Why waste millions cloning Will Smith when you could just raise a normal kid and train them to be an assassin? Ultimately, the movie isn’t really all that bad. It’s watchable but it’s such a big disappointment it needs to be taught a lesson.

Replicas

I’m giving this one a break because no one saw it. I also think it’ll play better at home, where you’ll be free to make fun of it or verbally abuse the loopy plot aloud while your friends listen. If there’s a movie this year that was “So bad it’s good”, it’s this one.

After

At least “Twilight” had its original take on vampires and some danger mixed into its romantic triangle to keep things theoretically interesting. This film started off as - I kid you not - a “One Direction” fan-fic. The drama it serves up will have you howling like a werewolf flying through laughing gas. On the upside, a sequel is coming. In fact, the teaser is scheduled for today!

1. Unplanned

This was the most uncomfortable movie experience of 2019. Most of the Christian propaganda films don’t seem to put much effort into their production - they’re preaching to the choir so why should they? - but 2019 had Breakthrough, which was quite good. It showed these movies don’t have to appeal solely to the churches who will buy tickets en-masse. This movie is ridiculous, gory like a horror film, misleading, and phony. It did have what is undoubtedly the most outrageous and unintentionally funny dialogue of the year, however. “Fast food outlets look to break even on the hamburgers they sell. That’s all they do is break even ... Do you know where they make all their money? The french fries and soda. Low cost, high margin items. Abortion is our fries-and-soda.” Are we sure this was based on a true story? If so, I don’t know why the director decided to edit out the scenes in which Cheryl (Robia Scott) takes the buckets of aborted fetuses home to cook them. I think it would’ve really driven home how evil her character is. I felt dirty sitting in the theater next to people who ate this up.

#movies #films #reviews #movie reviews #film reviews #film criticism #simmba #Playmobil: The Movie #hellboy #gemini man #replicas #after #cats #dumbo #aladdin #the lion king #Jay and Silent Bob Reboot #jexi #rambo: last blood #shaft #dark phoenix #My People My Country #¡Ay mi Madre! #unplanned

[fredheads]

i’m only good at being bad, bad

read on ao3

a/n: believe it or not i'm not trying to "justify" gladys' actions or make her "likeable" or help people understand her i just like reading women ranting about how much they hate their husbands sometimes and i thought other people might! gladys loves being bad, bitches!

inspired by @fredsythe

Gladys Jones was a woman without morals, and she liked it that way.

Morals did little for her but slow her down. Once you got smart enough, you didn’t need anyone else’s judgement on right and wrong, and God knew she’d had enough of other people’s judgement for a lifetime. Gladys wrote her own rules and lived by her own code. Hers. No one else had a say: not this town, not the law, not her dipshit of a husband. Not anymore.

Fred Andrews had morals, that was true. He was one of the good ones - one of the very, very few good ones. She’d known him since they were kids and she still marvelled at his stubborn commitment to good. She was glad she’d made him Jellybean’s godfather. On the off chance that anything happened to wipe her out early, Jellybean would grow up nice and sweet and normal. That was a big If, though. Gladys had no intention of dipping out early.

Gladys owned this fucking town.

The gold rays of the early-evening sun hit her skin as she coasts along the outskirts of Riverdale in Reggie Mantle’s borrowed car. It was a nice piece of machinery - purred under her thighs like a happy kitten. The new car smell was still on it. She flips her shades down, shakes her hair out in the breeze from the open window. Her arm dangles out the driver’s side as she holds the wheel with one hand, warm from the sun.

She’d sworn once that she’d never come back. She’d sworn it again after she’d walked out on her drunk of a husband, packed the family car, and laughed all the way to Ohio. She’d hated the whole stinking town since she was in middle school, and yet, here she was. Chances are everyone here had a similar story: dreams of leaving that fell through. Riverdale was a place you were born dying to get away from.

Gladys had said fuck that. Gladys had made this shithole work for her. It was about time she’d got what it owed her.

While everyone else scurried around the streets of her hometown like rats in a maze, Gladys had been laying her traps. A thread here, a thread there, child’s play, really, but she was careful. No mistakes. One day soon, she’d blow the fuse.

The fact that she was taking the whole town down with her was a kind of poetic justice. After all the time she’d suffered at its hands she’d be the one to suck it dry. Honestly, the stupid place was begging for it. Riverdale had sat there like a ripe peach after the Clifford Blossom fiasco, caving in from the inside. Waiting for someone smart enough to come along and turn water into gold.

Waiting for her.

If all went according to plan, the leeching of Riverdale would set her and her daughter up for life. Jughead too, if he wanted it - she’d leave him something regardless and let him take it or leave it. She loved the kid to bits, no matter how much of a pain in the ass he’d turned out to be. But she had a feeling about him, and her feelings were rarely wrong. He was too deep in his father’s pretty stories. Too righteous, too moralistic to let her get away with her due. Gladys didn’t have time to grovel at a teenager’s feet. When he was older, maybe he’d understand. For now, it was her and J.B. It was better that way.

The house on Elm Street was a nice idea, but it would never last. She knew that now. Gladys had done her time playing Suburban Dreamhouse. FP hadn’t known a good thing when he had it, so now, here they were. He had it coming, as they say in showbiz. He only had himself to blame.

Her lowlife husband was never born to be a criminal. A drunk, maybe, a lazy pickpocket, but not a criminal. FP hated the place too, but didn’t have the foresight to think outside of the city limits, had lowly little small-town aspirations - a house on the nice side of town, a 9-5 job. Since they were kids, he’d pinned all his misery on the south end of town, the fact that he was born on the wrong side of the tracks. FP wanted to cross the tracks and settle down and that was it.

She’d thought it was cute, once. She’d thought a lot of things about her husband were cute. She’d been soft on him, and that was her downfall, she supposes. The moment he’d walked into the Whyte Wyrm in his letterman jacket, sticking out like a billboard, and she’d given the idiot a cursory once-over and thought to herself, almost incidentally: he’s cute.

And then he wasn’t cute. And then he was very, very far from cute, and then he was so repulsive she hated the sight of him. Sometimes, lately, a nagging affection came back like a disease, the most fleeting of fondness for his messy morning hair or his earnest attempt at wooing her again - but she shut those thoughts down as soon as they arrived. Gladys was made of sterner stuff now, and she had FP to thank for her thick skin. She was done with his drinking, lying, cheating ass, and she was done for good.

Even in these rare moments of tenderness, there was no guilt. None. FP would take the fall for all of it, and be too stupid to realize what was happening until she was long gone. That made her happy. FP had coasted through their life together for too long, thinking he could do whatever the hell he wanted and get away without punishment. It was high time for some karmic payback.

Gladys Jones could play God.

Fred Andrews had morals, but he was no sheep: he decided right from wrong and he upheld it. Gladys was just as staunchly wedded to being a bad guy: she was deep in her badness and she loved it. FP was weaker stuff - he waffled from one to the other and still expected to be praised. Still expected to come out on top.

But FP had never been a winner. Gladys was the winner. At least she had been up until she married him.

She runs through the plan again, all her moving pieces. Diligence, that was what she taught her daughter. Be diligent, but have fun with it. Be whatever the hell you wanted to be, but be smart about it.

FP was stupid. Had always been stupid, and after a while, he’d dragged her down into his stupidity with him. Gladys Cohen had been in charge of her own future. Gladys Jones was a stupid woman with the same deadbeat husband waiting at home for her that every other stupid woman had. Innocent women who had made one miscalculation and ended up married to shit. Her mother had been in that position once. Hell, so had his. There were a lot more good women than there were good men in the world.

He’d trapped her into a life she’d never wanted, and then he’d whined that it was her fault. After she’d done nothing but bend to his every whim the entire time they were married, always cleaning up his messes and wiping his hands clean.

FP had wanted a house, so she’d played housewife. Then they’d lost the house, because FP had lost his job, and she’d packed and stored and sold everything they owned that didn’t fit in a crappy little double-wide a stone’s throw from where they’d grown up on the shit side of town. And still, he whined. Still, everything was unfair to him, everything was someone else’s fault. Fred’s. His father’s. Her’s.

She’d thought maybe it would be the kick he needed. Landing on his ass in the trailer park he’d grown up in would force him to look long and hard in the mirror, maybe pull his act together enough to fix things with Fred. Or else they’d lean on one another, maybe rob a liquor store or two outside of town, fuck in the getaway car, like in the old days. But instead, he’d slumped into booze, spending days in a slack-jawed stupor in front of the TV. Forgetting about Jughead’s science fair. Forgetting to pick up Jellybean from a sleepover. Forgetting everything, in fact, except that night’s football scores.

Then causing scene after scene in public. Passing out on the front lawn. Starting fights and breaking dishes. Crying whiskey breath against her neck at night, asking over and over for forgiveness. Refusing to go to the A.A meetings. Scaring their children half to death. Whining when she asked for the simplest of courtesies like she was some nagging housewife that had to learn her place. Coming home later and later until he stopped bothering to come home at all.

And the whole time the sex was horrific. And she looked like the fool.

Well, Gladys Jones held grudges.

Then she’d learned from Archie in Toledo that FP and Fred were on speaking terms again. That her husband had a job again, was going to meetings, was working on himself. It had sounded too good to be true. Sure enough, she’d come home and found out he was fucking a cult-deranged Alice Cooper on their marriage sheets.

So. He had it coming.

A shotgun to the head would be too good for him. No. She had to watch him unwind. She’d designed this game, and she’d designed it to hurt. Hurt him the way he’d hurt her with his insolence, his brain-numbing stupidity. Time and time again she’d almost caved, convinced herself that she could forgive him, but this was the final nail in the coffin. This one was punishable by death.

If it was Fred, it would have been different. She, FP, and Fred had always had an arrangement that worked. But Alice, in addition to being a slap in the face, was Gladys’ own sloppy seconds. God, it made her fingers itch. And yet she had no doubt that they both disparaged her, had decided that she was to blame. Probably talked shit about her, curled up in her mother’s bedsheets, on a trashy trailer-park mattress. Both of them not knowing how good they’d almost had it.

She parks the car across two spots and gets out, the engine still humming. Her high-heeled boots snap like gunshots on the concrete steps as she lets herself into the diner.

“Slice of cherry pie, Pop.” He leaves a strawberry milkshake on the counter as he moves to get her pie, bound for a table near the window, and she eyes it as she slaps a few bills on the counter. It’s the same rush she got in high school after pinching money out of the tip jar at the Wyrm - it wasn’t her money to worry about. She could order whatever the hell she wanted.

Her eye lands on an occupied booth across the diner as she nibbles on the cherry she’d pinched off the milkshake. With a decisive toss of her head, she saunters up to the dark-haired students.

She dangles the keys at Reggie Mantle. “Brought your car back.” He reaches for the keys and she pulls them away. “I still need a ride home.”

He just nods. A little scared of her, but mostly respectful - and that was how she wanted it. She wasn’t interested in terrorizing kids, just teaching them who was boss. Teaching them what was possible. Pop drops off her pie and she stabs it with the fork.

Self-respect, that was what FP was lacking. Alice Cooper had even less, by the sound of it. She’d have put him through this anyway, but it just gave her that little extra push to make him suffer. Once it all went south, FP’s stupid ass would have a decision to make. He could go cry to Alice and land on his ass. Or he could go seek comfort from anyone else and end up the same way. No favours for FP Jones. Not ever again. Oh, it was going to be fun. She was having fun already.

Gladys spears a mouthful of her pie and grins. It was good. Best pie in town.

Or maybe everything tasted good when your husband was about to get what was coming to him.

#gladys jones #fp jones #my writin #cw for f/lice..... i mention them s*eeping t*gether

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

When I Made Myself a Protector

So once in my Junior year of HS our Bible teacher decided to have us go on a walk instead of teaching all because of some health kick he was on. And this was in parts good and bad. 

Good:

No classwork.

No homework.

Bad:

All the hills.

All the climbing.

My best friend Jai had a horrible day. She was ill but her mom forced her to come in with a fever anyway. She didn’t feel well obviously and didn’t want to go on a hike but had to or else. 

Our class was small. 6 of us in total including the teacher. We are a mile from the school when Jai has had enough. She declares that she doesnt care what he wants, she’s going back to the school. He threatens her with detention and she turns right around anyway and leaves.

Now this is where I panic. Ignoring my major crush on Jai and worry over breaking rules, this was just a bad situation entirely. On one hand, Bible teacher is also the principal and pastor of the church that runs the school. And for a place becoming like a cult, acting against him isn’t good. Especially when he can ruin your permanent record and has used that as a threat before. On the other hand, Jai is my friend who was being mistreated to an extent. So I was in a pickle.

Jai is my best friend. She is ill. She is also incredibly gorgeous but also very short and kind of physically weak. Easy pickings for predators. I can’t leave her alone! But if I go with her my permanent record is on the line and I will get into an ass load of trouble. And I hesitated in the middle as both Jai and the others of my class went off in 2 different directions.

But then it hit me. I’m always confused for a full grown adult and am physically stronger than even the other teen boys in the school. I have gotten into fights with guys and come out the winner even if it was just by pinning them and wearing them out. So if worst comes to worst, I can hold someone down while Jai runs away. And with this in mind, I decided Jai’s well being was more important and ran after her, ready to act as protection even if I somehow get shot/stabbed and end up dying.

She ended up being so tired I had to carry her back to the school and she’d passed out from the fever.

We got detention for a week as well as Demerits that landed us with our asses beat all because we challenged a teacher’s authority.

And yeah, that’s the story of me protecting my unwell crush while internally panicking over the high probability of someone trying to kidnap us and me being tense as I watched every passing car obsessively because I was so scared of what could happen.

#story time #me #mine #school #ugh!

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Horror movie recommendations

This list was originally posted in 2017 but has been updated for Halloween 2018.

I’ve been compiling this list for months and thought what better time to post it than October just in time for Halloween? Below is 50+ horror movie recommendations and a smaller list at the end of non-recommendations. 

Some general info:

This is a completely subjective list of my personal favourites and I’m not saying these are the best horror movies ever, since there’s still a tonne of horror movies out there that I haven’t watched and everyone’s preferences are different. 

My general tastes lean more towards the slasher, psychological, supernatural/paranormal and thriller/mystery sub-genres, which this list will reflect. 

Not a fan of found-footage, sci-fi, monster (including vampires, zombies, werewolves etc.) or virus sub-genres, so you won’t see many movies that fall under these categories. 

I haven’t seen many of the ‘classic’ horrors pre-dating the 70′s, so there won’t be many included.

All rec’s include the title, year, genre, main cast, summary, IMDb rating and a personal overview (none of which contain any spoilers).

Movies with asterisks are ones I consider must-see’s. 

At the end there’s also a small list of movies I advise avoiding and/or that have a better reputation than I think they deserve.

Amityville Horror (2005) 

Type: Paranormal/Haunted house/Possession

Starring: Ryan Reynolds & Melissa George

Summary: Newlyweds are terrorized by demonic forces after moving into a large house that was the site of a grisly mass murder a year before. 

IMDB rating: 6/10

This is your standard haunted house/possession film, but I think the acting from Ryan and Melissa is strong and since it’s based on a true story, it’s kind of chilling. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)*

Type: Slasher/Supernatural

Starring: Heather Langenkamp & Robert Englund 

Summary: Several people are hunted by a cruel serial killer who kills his victims in their dreams. While the survivors are trying to find the reason for being chosen, the murderer won’t lose any chance to kill them as soon as they fall asleep.

IMDB rating: 7.5/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street is an absolute classic and a must-see for any horror fan. Admittedly, on my recent re-watch I found it more comedic than anything else, but Freddy Krueger still stands out to me as being one of the most terrifying serial killers from a movie. Freddy’s back-story adds to his creepiness and the idea of being murdered in your dreams is something that’ll probably keep you up at night, particularly if it’s your first time watching.

A Quiet Place (2018)*

Type: Sci-Fi

Starring: Emily Blunt & John Krasinski

Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world, a family is forced to live in silence while hiding from monsters with ultra-sensitive hearing.

IMDB rating: 7.7/10

A suspenseful and heart-wrenching movie following a family’s survival in a post apocalyptic world. Along with Hush, this is the only horror I’ve seen to include a deaf character, which sets the entire mood for the movie in which the family need to out-wit monsters with super hearing. By far one of the best horror movies to come out in recent years.

Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Brian Cox & Emile Hirsch

Summary: A father and son, both coroners, are pulled into a complex mystery while attempting to identify the body of a young woman, who was apparently harboring dark secrets.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

What I like about this movie is that the idea behind it is quite unique and slightly steps away from the traditional slasher/possession/cult sub-genres we see a lot of within horror. It’s set in a morgue which instantly sets the tone for the entire movie. The build-up is somewhat slow but trust me, shit will hit the fan. The face of Jane Doe will haunt you forever and there is something inexplicably terrifying about a dead body having the power to wreak havoc, because how the hell do you stop it? 

  The Boy (2016)

Type: Thriller/Psychological 

Starring: Lauren Cohan & Rupert Evans

Summary: An American nanny is shocked that her new English family’s boy is actually a life-sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe that the doll is really alive.

IMDB rating: 6/10

I didn’t expect to like this one, but gave it a try and was pleasantly surprised. It’s not particularly scary, more tense and somewhat creepy (if you’re like me and dolls give you the heebie jeebies). Lauren Cohan is amazing as the lead and there’s a twist at the end that you just won’t see coming. 

The Bye Bye Man (2017)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Douglas Smith & Lucien Laviscount

Summary: Three friends stumble upon the horrific origins of a mysterious figure they discover is the root cause of the evil behind unspeakable acts.

IMDB rating: 4.3/10

I’m genuinely surprised at how low the rating is for this movie and how many bad reviews it has. Is it the best horror movie ever? No, not at all. But is it worth watching? Yeah, definitely. I went in with low expectations but it managed to keep me hooked until the end. The psychological elements in it are what make it so interesting to me. You never quite know what’s real and what’s not and I feel like the idea behind it is slightly different than the general ones that are overused. There’s definitely some jump scare moments in there and the concept behind The Bye Bye Man is very interesting (although more back-story and explanation to how and why he came to be could’ve improved it). The biggest flaw I can think of, which I can only assume is the reason for the low ratings, is that the acting is pretty mediocre and the characters are one dimensional. But for me that wasn’t much of an issue since the plot was interesting enough to keep me watching. 

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Type: Psychological 

Starring: Chris Hemsworth & Kristen Connolly Summary: Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin, where they get more than they bargained for, discovering the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

IMDB rating: 7/10

The ending of this film is slightly “eh” to me and gets a little out of control, but I still rate it as being a generally good movie. The cabin isn’t what you expect and it will definitely play with your head. 

Carrie (2013)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Chloe Grace Mortez & Judy Greer Summary: A shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.

IMDB rating: 5.9/10

This is a remake of the 1976 original and I know remakes generally aren’t popular or well-liked, but I enjoyed this. I haven’t seen the original so perhaps my opinion would be different if I had, but Chloe Mortez does a fantastic job as Carrie, and you won’t know whether to hate her or love her. 

Case 39 (2009)

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Renée Zellweger & Ian McShane Summary: A social worker fights to save a girl from her abusive parents, only to discover that the situation is more dangerous than she ever expected.

IMDB rating: 6.2/10

Renée Zellweger is a fantastic actress and seeing her name on any movie is usually a good sign (excluding Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Her performance in this movie is great and the little girl Lillith will freak you out, because evil children are always more chilling than evil adults. Kind of has an ‘Orphan’ vibe, which is probably why I like it. 

Child’s Play (1988)*

Type: Slasher/Supernatural

Starring: Catherine Hicks & Chris Sarandon Summary: A single mother gives her son a much sought after doll for his birthday, only to discover that it is possessed by the soul of a serial killer.

IMDB rating: 6.5/10

I feel like this movie isn’t as popular as I’d expect it to be amongst horror fans and I do kind of understand why. The idea that a doll would be able to over-power and kill a fully grown adult is ludicrous (and hilarious), but nonetheless this movie is a classic for the slasher genre. It’s wacky, kooky and out there, but it’s supposed to be. Chucky is a comedic killer with personality, which is a nice change from the usual faceless, voiceless, killers that have no back-story or depth and just go around with a knife stabbing people. It probably will make you laugh more than a horror movie should, but give it a try if you haven’t already. And if you like the first one, there’s 5 more movies to watch. None are as good as the first and when it gets to the fourth and fifth installments - Bride of Chucky (1998) and Seed of Chucky (2004), it gets incredibly silly, but I still got a kick out of watching them. If you’re looking for a movie that will genuinely scare and horrify you, this franchise really isn’t the right way to go, but it will make you laugh with it’s dark humor and it incorporates just enough gore to qualify as a horror of sorts.

Circle (2015)

Type: Mystery/Drama

Starring: Allegra Masters & Aimee McKay Summary: Held captive and faced with their imminent executions, fifty strangers are forced to choose the one person among them who deserves to live.

IMDB rating: 6/10

This is another on this very long list that was much better than I expected it to be. The premise is interesting and gripped me from the beginning. It keeps you in suspense throughout, but the ending is underwhelming and there’s room for improvement. However, overall this is a relatively enjoyable viewing experience which poses many questions about humanity, morality and gets the viewer questioning what they would do in the same situation and how far we would go to survive.

The Conjuring (2013) & The Conjuring 2 (2016)*

Type: Paranormal/Haunted house/Posession

Starring: Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga Summary: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.

IMDB rating: 7.5/10

The Conjuring movies are by far some of the best in the genre. Aside from the fact that Vera Farmiga is amazing and I love her, both movies have a strong cast of characters that make it easy to connect to the families involved as well as Ed and Lorraine. The stories are well written, there’s lots of jump-scare moments and the fact that both movies are based on true stories taken from the biographies of the real Ed and Lorraine Warren adds to the fear factor. I’m generally not easy to scare, but these two did get to me. Also, after you’ve watched them, research the true stories they’re based on, it’ll have much more of an impact.

Don’t Breathe (2016)

Type: Psychological 

Starring: Stephen Lang & Jane Levy

Summary: Hoping to walk away with a massive fortune, a trio of thieves break into the house of a blind man who isn’t as helpless as he seems.

IMDB rating: 7.2/10

I actually walked in on my parents watching this one day and found myself rooted to the sofa, unable to stop watching. It’s very, very tense, so much so that I actually stopped breathing myself in parts! Let’s just say that being blind certainly isn’t a hindrance to this guy. 

Don’t Hang Up (2016)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Gregg Sulkin & Garrett Clayton

Summary: An evening of drunken prank calls becomes a nightmare for a pair of teenagers when a mysterious stranger turns their own game against them…with deadly consequences.

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

I watched on a whim, not expecting to like it, but I did. It will keep you engaged and the anti slowly increases bit by bit. There’s also a motive for the person on the other end of the phone which you won’t necessarily see coming.

Emelie (2015)

Type: Thriller/Psychological

Starring: Sarah Bolger & Carly Adams

Summary: A couple’s replacement babysitter turns out to be more than they bargained for when she subjects their kids to a series of twisted activities.

IMDB rating: 5.4/10

This is another I decided to watched on a whim, mostly because I saw Sarah Bolger’s face, but I actually ended up enjoying it. It’s not really that scary, but is creepy in parts and kept me hooked until the end. Once again, there’s a motive and reason behind her actions, which is always more interesting than someone just doing something because they can or because they’re bored.

Final Destination (2000)*

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Devon Sawa & Ali Larter

Summary: After a teenager has a terrifying vision of him and his friends dying in a plane crash, he prevents the accident only to have Death hunt them down, one by one.

IMDB rating: 6.7/10

I’m pretty sure everyone has seen or at least heard of Final Destination. Again, not necessarily a horror, but still has it’s moments and is a classic. Obviously, there are 5+ Final Destination movies now, which are all good, but the first is definitely the best. What I love most about these movies is how creative and unique the deaths are. You never know how the next person will die, but you know it’s gonna be epic.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Type: Slasher/Supernatural

Starring: Robert Englund & Ken Kirzinger

Summary: Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees return to terrorize the teenage population. Except this time, they're out to get each other, too.

IMDB rating: 5.8/10

Don’t let the slightly low rating put you off. This is one of my guilty pleasure faves. Combining two of the most infamous slasher killers in the world and the result is rather satisfying. Just like A Nightmare on Elm Street, this isn’t a movie that particularly takes itself seriously. It’s a fun ride and great to see Freddy and Jason go head to head in a bloody stand off. 

Get Out (2017)*

Type: Psychological/Thriller

Starring: Daniel Kaluuya & Allison Williams

Summary: It’s time for a young African American to meet with his white girlfriend’s parents for a weekend in their secluded estate in the woods, but before long, the friendly and polite ambience will give way to a nightmare.

IMDB rating: 7.8/10

I watched this after hearing good things about it and certainly wasn’t disappointed. Not necessarily what I’d class as a horror, but certainly a thriller and boy, oh boy, did this give me the creeps. The tactics that are used are so subtle and not in your face but so effective. The story will go in a direction you just will not predict (trust me) and will probably make you a little reluctant to meet your future in-laws haha. 

Gothika (2003)

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Halle Berry & Robert Downey Jr.

Summary:  A repressed female psychiatrist wakes up as a patient in the asylum where she worked, with no memory of why she is there or what she has done.

IMDB rating: 5.8/10

This movie isn’t necessarily the scariest, but has a strong cast with Halle Berry, Robert Downey Jr. and Penelope Cruz and will play with your mind, particularly in the beginning. There’s an element of crime/mystery as Halle Berry’s character tries to piece together how/why she came to be in the asylum and who murdered her husband, which adds to the intrigue. 

The Green Inferno (2013)

Type: Gory

Starring: Lorenza Izzo & Ariel Levy

Summary: A group of student activists travels to the Amazon to save the rain forest and soon discover that they are not alone, and that no good deed goes unpunished.

IMDB rating: 5.3/10

It isn’t perfect, but I actually liked this movie (I only watched it this year, 2018). I like that as far-fetched as it is, it also feels feasible in a way. For many minorities around the world white people are the enemy and if they had the chance to persecute them for all the suffering they endure at their hands, they would. It’s dramatic and the gore reminds me of movies such as Saw and Hostel. 

Halloween (1978)*

Type: Slasher

Starring: Donald Pleasence & Jamie Lee Curtis

Summary: Fifteen years after murdering his sister on Halloween night 1963, Michael Myers escapes from a mental hospital and returns to the small town of Haddonfield to kill again.

IMDB rating: 7.8/10

Halloween is the first horror movie I ever saw and is what piqued my interest in the horror genre. For that reason, it will always be one of my favourites. It’s by far one of the most well-known and defining slasher movies and a true classic. The music alone will give you the creeps, but throw in a masked murderer (and one that apparently can’t be killed) and you’ll be in for a scare. As with most popular franchises Halloween has so many movies that I’ve lost count, but there are continuation issues with most of them and nothing can beat the original. The only other in the franchise I’d specifically recommend watching is ‘H20: 20 Years Later’ (1998), which you can watch immediately after the 1978  original and still understand what’s going on. This is the perfect Halloween movie (the clue is in the title) and it’s a tradition of mine to watch it every October.

Horns (2013)*

Type: Supernatural/Fantasy

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe & Juno Temple

Summary: In the aftermath of his girlfriend’s mysterious death, a young man awakens to find strange horns sprouting from his temples.

IMDB rating: 6.5/10

After the disappointment of ‘Woman in Black’ I didn’t have high hopes for this one, but I actually loved it. It had my stepbrother and I glued to the screen for the entire two hours it was on, which is a big deal since he can barely go without his XBox for more than 5 minutes. It’s weird, out there and not what you expect going in, but it really just works. The fantasy, supernatural and religious influences create an interesting and unique story. It also manages to incorporate comedy with more serious themes and even manages to depict an intriguing murder mystery and compelling love story amongst all that. Daniel Radcliffe is great as the lead and this is the first movie I saw of his that really stopped me from seeing him as Harry Potter and opened my eyes to the talented and adaptable actor he is. Overall, the movie is a mish mash of many different genres and themes (so for that reason may not be to everyone’s tastes) and I wouldn’t necessarily class it as a horror in the traditional sense, but it has elements of it and definitely stands out to me as being a unique movie that is a must-see.

House at the End Of The Street (2012)

Type: Thriller/Psychological 

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence & Max Thieriot

Summary: After moving with her mother to a small town, a teenager finds that an accident happened in the house at the end of the street. Things get more complicated when she befriends a boy who was the only survivor of the accident.

IMDB rating: 5.6/10

I feel like this movie deserves more credit. Jennifer Lawrence and Max Thieriot do a great job and although it does take a while to get into the nitty gritty of the story, it’s engaging from beginning to end. And maybe I’m just bad at predicting these things, but there’s a twist that you just won’t see coming. 

Hush (2016)

Type: Psychological/Slasher

Starring: Kate Siege & John Gallagher Jr.

Summary: A deaf writer who retreated into the woods to live a solitary life must fight for her life in silence when a masked killer appears at her window.

IMDB rating: 6.6/10

I saw the synopsis for this movie and didn’t expect to like it at all. After all, how entertaining can it be to watch a deaf woman stumble about running from killers for an hour and a half? Boy, how wrong was I. It’s incredibly tense, particularly in those moments where it’s completely silent and we get to experience it through the senses of the main character, Maddie, who is trooper and incredibly tactical and resourceful in her battle for survival. 

Identity (2003)*

Type: Thriller/Mystery

Starring: John Cusack & Ray Liotta

Summary: Stranded at a desolate Nevada motel during a nasty rain-storm, ten strangers become acquainted with each other when they realize that they're being killed off one by one.

IMDB rating: 7.3/10

Incident in a Ghostland*

Type: Psychological

Starring: Crystal Reed & Mylène Farmer

Summary: A mother of two who inherits a house is confronted with murderous intruders on the first night in their new home and fights for her daughters' lives. Sixteen years later when the daughters reunite at the house, things get really strange.

IMDB rating: 6.3/10

The best new horror movie I’ve seen in years. In fact, I would include this in my top 20 favourite horrors of all time (maybe even top 10). A truly gritty, raw psychological horror with twists and turns that leaves you haunted long after it has ended. With all of the mediocre horrors that have been released in recent years, Incident in a Ghostland reminded me exactly why I love horror so much and does everything a truly good horror should do.

Insidious (2010)*

Type: Paranormal/Posession

Starring: Patrick Wilson & Rose Byrne

Summary: A family looks to prevent evil spirits from trapping their comatose child in a realm called The Further.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

There’s a reason these movies have earned so much recognition and are included on almost every top list of horror movies I’ve ever seen. It’s easy to think this movie will be your standard possession movie, but it takes it that step further by making you connect with the family and giving Patrick Wilson’s character a personal journey of self-discovery and growth. He uncovers secrets from his childhood as he tries to save his son from the same entity that plagued him as a child. There’s three movies in this franchise and I’d recommend watching all of them if you enjoy the first one.

Intruders (2015)

Type: Psychological/Thriller

Starring: Rory Culkin & Leticia Jimenez

Summary: Anna suffers from agoraphobia so crippling that when a trio of criminals break into her house, she cannot bring herself to flee. But what the intruders don’t realize is that agoraphobia is not her only problem.

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

I randomly put this movie on one night when my stepsister was round just to have on in the background and before I knew it we were both glued to the screen. How it ends is not the direction you expect it to take at all and I always like movies that have a twist at the end. It has a kind of ‘Don’t Breathe’ vibe with the intruders getting a lot more than they bargained for and just like ‘Don’t Breathe’ it’ll keep you engaged until the end. 

The Invitation (2015)

Type: Thriller/Psychological

Starring: Logan Marshall-Green & Emayatzy Corinealdi

Summary: While attending a dinner party at his former home, a man thinks his ex-wife and her new husband have sinister intentions for their guests.

IMDB rating: 6.7/10

This is by far one of my favorite films I watched in 2017. There’s not many movies that can have me on the edge of my seat and questioning everything pretty much until the end, but this movie succeeded in doing exactly that. It makes you constantly question reality and whether the main protagonist, Will, is suffering from a psychotic break or his suspicions truly are justified. I’ve never studied film, so I’m unable to dissect it in a proper or adequate way, but what I will say is there is something about the way in which it’s filmed, directed and edited that perfectly portrays the apprehension, uncertainty, distress and suspense, particularly from Will’s perspective. My one critique is that I feel the ending could’ve been taken a step further and had more surprises thrown in there, since it was so tense all the way through but became a little predictable in the last 20 minutes. Despite this, it’s a great movie and also a very interesting exploration of grief and how it can deeply affect a person’s psyche. Definitely more of a thriller than a horror, but I enjoyed it a lot.

I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

Type: Psychological/Slasher

Starring: Sarah Butler & Jeff Branson

Summary: A writer who is brutalized during her cabin retreat seeks revenge on her attackers, who left her for dead.

IMDB rating: 6.4/10

This is the one movie I debated whether to include, because it’s so controversial. The original was released in 1978 and this is a remake, so I can’t speak to whether the original is better or to what degree the remake follows the original. All I will say is that it’s definitely not one for the faint hearted and I’d recommend anyone that considers watching it to take extreme caution before doing so. The first time I heard about this was from my stepbrother who told me it was so brutal and graphic that it’s been banned or censored in almost every country it’s been released in and after seeing it, I can understand why.  I have a strong stomach and I’ve seen so many horror movies that it takes a lot for something to affect me, but this really did. And honestly, that’s the sole reason I’m including it on this list, because in my opinion, any horror movie that sticks in my mind and continues to haunt me after I’ve seen it is one that’s done it’s job. The main warning I need to give is about the rape scenes which are extremely long (according to Wiki up to 30 minutes long), graphic and difficult to watch. There were a few times when I had to close my eyes and remind myself it was just a movie, because it really felt like I was watching this poor woman get raped and tortured. There’s a lot of gore too in comparison to most of the other movies on this list and the killings are very sadistic and violent. Basically, after the first 15 minutes this film is intense and horrific from start to end. 

  Jennifer’s Body (2009)*

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Megan Fox & Amanda Seyfried

Summary: A newly possessed high school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?

IMDB rating: 5.1/10

In many ways this movie is trash, but god, I love it. It’s nothing how you’d expect a movie featuring Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried to be, which is what makes it so great. As always Amanda’s acting is A+ and although Megan is sexualised (as she is in every movie she’s in), she makes a pretty convincing and at times scary villain that you love to hate and hate to love. The two actresses are the perfect contrast to one another, as are their characters and the dynamic between Jennifer and Needy is an interesting one to watch. It’s definitely more of a parody or spoof than a genuine horror, but the movie owns itself and doesn’t try to be anything other than what it is, which is why I think it’s so great. And despite being humorous and cliche in part, I’d argue that it has it’s scary moments (particularly the scene where Jennifer goes to Needy’s house after the fire) and interesting characterisation for both the main characters, who are actually nothing but innocent victims that are thrown into chaos. 

The Last House On The Left (2009)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Garret Dillahunt & Monica Potter 

Summary: After kidnapping and brutally assaulting two young women, a gang unknowingly finds refuge at a vacation home belonging to the parents of one of the victims: a mother and father who devise an increasingly gruesome series of revenge tactics.

IMDB rating: 6.6/10

This is your standard rape/revenge movie and reminds me of ‘I Spit On Your Grave’ but a tamer version. It’s good and worth a watch but nothing special, which I base on the fact that I re-watched it recently and didn’t even realise I’d seen it before until over half way through when I thought, “Huh, this seems familiar”. Before you watch, I should warn you that the rape scene is graphic and distressing. 

Lights Out (2016)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Teresa Palmer & Gabriel Bateman

Summary: Rebecca must unlock the terror behind her little brother’s experiences that once tested her sanity, bringing her face to face with an entity attached to their mother.

IMDB rating: 6.4/10

This is another one of those movies I decided to watch on a whim, expecting it not to be very good and it actually surprised me. I really liked the lead character (which is a rarity for me) and got on board with her and her family. The “entity’s” connection to the family is explored and it’s Rebecca’s job to  save herself and her family from it. Not one for those scared of the dark (hah!). 

Orphan (2009)*

Type: Thriller/Psychological

Starring: Vera Farmiga & Peter Sarsgaard

Summary: A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9 year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.

IMDB rating: 7/10

By far one of the best horror/thriller movies I’ve ever seen. Vera Farmiga brings her A game to any role she plays and this movie is no exception. This probably is more of a thriller than a horror and there’s a slow build, but it will keep you gripped. Generally with most movies there’s a level of predictability, but trust me, you will not guess the twist with this one. It’s still one of the only times I can recount being truly shocked at a movie, and although it’s not necessarily scary, it’s incredibly chilling and might make you reconsider adopting in the future.

Oujia: Origin of Evil (2016)

Type: Supernatural/Possession/Haunted house

Starring: Elizabeth Reaser & Lulu Wilson

Summary: In 1967 Los Angeles, a widowed mother and her 2 daughters add a new stunt to bolster their seance scam business, inviting an evil presence into their home.

IMDB rating: 6.1/10

This is a very underrated movie. I feel like the title insinuates it’s gonna suck, but it’s actually really good. It has a similar vibe to ‘The Conjuring’ with a little girl getting possessed, but it’s executed very well and has its scary moments.

Pet (2016)

Type: Thriller/Psychological  

Starring: Dominic Monaghan & Ksenia Solo

Summary: A psychological thriller about a man who bumps into an old crush and subsequently becomes obsessed with her, leading him to hold her captive underneath the animal shelter where he works. But what will the victim have in store for her captor?

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

This is one of those movies where the only thought that goes through your head the entire time is, “What sick fuck thought of this?”. Dominic Monaghan is an actor I personally love and he’s great in this movie (if you’re able to overlook his poor American accent, which I admit I struggled with at times) and trust me when I say that how this movie starts, is nothing close to how it will end. 

The Purge (2013)

Type: Psychological/Thriller

Starring: Ethan Hawke & Lena Headey

Summary: A wealthy family are held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legal.

IMDB rating: 5.7/10

Another movie on the list that I wouldn’t necessarily class as a horror, but which is scary purely based on the fact that this is something that could feasibly happen in the future. All crimes are legalised for 24 hours and anything can happen. The summary speaks for itself really. 

The Ring (2002)

Type: Supernatural 

Starring: Naomi Watts & Martin Henderson

Summary: A journalist must investigate a mysterious videotape which seems to cause the death of anyone in a week of viewing it.

IMDB rating: 7.1/10

This is well-known within the horror genre, because it quite simply delivers. It’s scary and every time I watch it I still feel a surge of panic whenever the videotape comes on screen and afterwards dread the sound of my phone going off. It’s simple but effectively scary and a classic.

Saw (2004)*

Type: Slasher/Gore 

Starring: Cary Elwes & Leigh Whannell

Summary: Two strangers awaken in a room with no recollection of how they got there or why, and soon discover they are pawns in a deadly game perpetrated by a notorious serial killer.

IMDB rating: 7.7/10

Saw is another classic in the horror genre and one I go back to re-watch again and again. It’s a gore fest and I don’t know many people that have the stomach to sit through it, but it actually has a lot more to it than that. There’s a story behind Jigsaw, the killer, which is built upon across the franchise (I’d recommend watching all of the movies) and even the victims have back stories that are sometimes quite interesting. Just like ‘Final Destination’, it’s fascinating to see what the next death trap Jigsaw sets up will be like and whether or not the person will make it out alive. The music also gives me shivers whenever I hear it. It’s up there with the Halloween soundtrack as being my fave.

Scream (1996)*

Type: Slasher

Starring: Neve Campbell & Courteney Cox

Summary: A year after the murder of her mother, a teenage girl is terrorized by a new killer, who targets the girl and her friends by using horror films as part of a deadly game.

IMDB rating: 7.2/10

How can anyone that enjoys horror movies not have seen Scream at least once? For me, this will always be at the top of my list as being the best horror movie. A strong cast, characters that viewers are actually able to connect to (Sidney is badass, Dewey is a loveable dork and Gale is that character you have a love-hate relationship with), interesting back-story that has continuity across the franchise (unlike Halloween) and a shit-ton of horror tropes classic to the horror genre that are both scary and at times funny. Again, I’d recommend watching all of the movies in the triology (even Scream 4 isn’t bad), but the first stands out to me as being the best, simply because nothing can beat the reveal of the killer. 

Shaun Of The Dead (2004)*

Type: Comedy/Zombie

Starring: Simon Pegg & Nick Frost

Summary: A man decides to turn his moribund life around by winning back his ex-girlfriend, reconciling his relationship with his mother, and dealing with an entire community that has returned from the dead to eat the living.

IMDB rating: 8/10

I’m not a huge fan of horror comedies, but Shaun Of The Dead is an exception. This isn’t just one of my fave movies from the horror genre, but of all time. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are the ultimate comedic pairing and bounce off each other so well. The humor is spot on, actually laugh out loud funny (unlike Scary Movie), it’s cleverly written and witty, but also manages to incorporate an appropriate amount of gore and emotion. Just please go and watch this movie, you won’t regret it. I’d also just like to point out as a final point, that there’s a reason this is the most highly rated movie on IMDB off this list. 

The Shallows (2016)

Type: Thriller/Shark

Starring: Blake Lively

Summary: A mere 200 yards from shore, surfer Nancy is attacked by a great white shark, with her short journey to safety becoming the ultimate contest of wills.

IMDB rating: 6.4/10

Now, I’ve seen my fair share of shark movies over the years and it’s an area I tend to steer clear of because they’re inevitably always complete and utter shite, but not this one. I was pleasantly surprised at just how engrossed I became with this movie. Usually when I’m watching something I’ll pause midway through to grab some snacks or I’ll browse social media for a few minutes, but with this I remained glue to my screen from beginning to end. I think what makes this movie so good in comparison to other shark movies I’ve seen is Blake Lively’s performance. She does an amazing job as the lead, particularly considering 90% of the movie is of her on her own. Nancy is a pragmatic character that really fights tooth (excuse the pun) and nail to survive and she makes you really root for her. It does drag a little towards the end, but overall I enjoyed this movie and although I wouldn’t exactly class it a horror, most sites list it as being so. 

The Shining (1980)*

Type: Psychological/Supernatural

Starring: Jack Nicholson & Shelley Duvall

Summary: A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and of the future.

IMDB rating: 8.4/10

An absolute classic to the horror genre that most of you will likely already have seen. Surprisingly, I only got around to watching this in 2018 (although I’d seen snippets of it before, I’d never watched it properly) and it met all of my expectations. It’s movies like these that represent everything that’s amazing in the horror genre. 

Sinister (2012)

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Ethan Hawke & Juliet Rylance

Summary: Washed-up true-crime writer Ellison Oswalt finds a box of super 8 home movies that suggest the murder he is currently researching is the work of a serial killer whose work dates back to the 1960s.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

I only recently watched this after seeing it on multiple “best horror movie” lists and can understand why it was included. Although the build-up is slow, it adds to the tension and definitely has it’s jump-scare moments. Ethan Hawke as the lead is incredible. Even though you know he’s not crazy, you still find yourself questioning his mental health as he becomes obsessed with his work and in the process puts his entire family in jeopardy. I wasn’t overly fond of the ending (a trend that’s common for me), but overall it’s a good movie. 

Split (2016)*

Type: Thriller/Psychological 

Starring: James McAvoy & Anya Taylor-Joy

Summary: Three girls are kidnapped by a man with a diagnosed 23 distinct personalities. They must try to escape before the apparent emergence of a frightful new 24th.

IMDB rating: 7.3/10

I was so so so so excited to see this movie the second I saw it advertised, (mainly because of James McAvoy, let’s be honest here), but also because it looked so damn good. As expected, James delivered in this movie, he really did. Portraying mental illness is a tricky task for any actor and a mental illness that manifests itself in 23 distinct personalities is even trickier to pull off, but James did it. I was gripped from the very beginning and found myself developing attachments to each distinctive personality that we saw. The end was disappointing since it got a little wacky and too far-fetched for my liking, particularly considering the tone of the rest of the movie, but overall it’s a brilliant movie that I would recommend anyone to watch. 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)*

Type: Slasher

Starring: Marilyn Burns & Edwin Neal

Summary: Two siblings visit their grandfather’s grave in Texas along with three of their friends and are attacked by a family of cannibalistic psychopaths.

IMDB rating: 7.5/10

How could I not include ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ on this list? It’s as defining of the slasher genre as ‘Halloween’ (although in my opinion, not as good) and one of the first franchises I watched when I was first discovering horror. The 1974 original is the best out of the 7 films that make up the franchise which is no surprise. As with any long-running horror franchise, the movies span across 4 decades and there’s huge continuity issues with each producer/director putting their own spin on it and a lot of the time failing to do it justice. I haven’t seen all of them but have to warn you to steer clear of the fourth installment, ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation’ (1994), at all costs. Don’t let the cast fool you, it’s by far one of the worst films I’ve ever seen and the 3.4 rating it has on IMDb is generous. The only other two worth watching in my opinion are the fifth and sixth installments -  ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ (2003) and ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning’ (2006), which in some ways I actually prefer to the 1974 original. 

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

Type: Slasher

Starring: Addison Timlin & Veronica Cartwright

Summary: 65 years after a masked serial killer terrorized the small town of Texarkana, the so-called ‘moonlight murders’ begin again. Is it a copycat or something even more sinister? A lonely high school girl, with dark secrets of her own, may be the key to catching him.

IMDB rating: 5.6/10

I feel like most people would rate this movie as average or even below average, but you know what? I really liked it. Probably because I’m a sucker for a good old slasher movie with a bit of history to the town/killer and that’s exactly what this movie is. 

Vacancy (2007)*

Type: Psychological

Starring: Kate Beckinsale & Luke Wilson

Summary: A married couple becomes stranded at an isolated motel and finds hidden video cameras in their room. They soon realize that unless they escape, they’ll be the next victims of a snuff film.

IMDB rating: 6.2/10

This was recommended to me by my best friend who said he was so scared by this that he didn’t sleep properly for a week. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s that scary (but that’s just because it takes a lot for a movie to scare me), but it will have you on the edge of your seat. I do really like this movie for the fact that it’s so isolated and feels like something that could realistically happen to anyone that’s on holiday in a strange place. There’s a pretty slow build too, which adds to the tension and fear. Definitely a must-watch.

The Witch (2015) 

Type: Supernatural

Starring: Anya Taylor-Joy & Ralph Ineson

Summary: A family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession.

IMDB rating: 6.8/10

This is a fairly new movie that I’ve seen come highly recommended so I decided to give it a try.  Since it’s set in the 1630′s and based on true accounts of experiences with witchcraft during that period, it has a very historical and thematic feel to it. Anya Taylor-Joy is incredibly talented and fast becoming one of my fave young actresses within the horror genre. She does a fantastic job in this movie, as does the entire cast. The build-up is slow and very effective and unlike other supernatural movies I watch where I’m usually thinking “As if that would ever happen”, there’s something about this that feels unnervingly realistic despite how wacky it is. Perhaps it’s because it’s based on true accounts but the sufferings the family go through feel reflective of something that may have really happened in our history. I do have some critique when it comes to this movie though, the main one being that I didn’t like the ending. It gets a little crazy and what starts out feeling realistic soon becomes very far-fetched. I also didn’t understand the ending and had to do a little Googling to find out the meaning of it, which I feel is something that should’ve been self-explanatory. All in all it’s a decent movie although it doesn’t stand out to me as being amazing. 

  Wolf Creek & Wolf Creek 2 (2005 & 2013)*

Type: Psychological/Slasher

Starring: Nathan Phillips & Cassandra Magrath

Summary: Three backpackers stranded in the Australian outback are befriended by a local who turns out to be a sadistic psychopath and will plunge them into a hellish nightmare of insufferable torture.

IMDB rating: 6.3/10

You know when you have that one horror movie that impacted you so much the first time you saw it that you never forget it? This is that movie for me. It still haunts me today, which is partly because I saw it for the first time at such a young age, but mostly because it’s based on a true story and could so easily happen to any one of us in real life. Just watch how the killer lures them back to his place, it’s so sneaky and clever and quite frankly has made me wary of ever accepting a stranger’s help if my car breaks down(!) As for Wolf Creek 2, as far as sequels go, it’s decent and follows the POV of the killer Mick from the first Wolf Creek.

Would You Rather (2012)

Type: Psychological

Starring: Brittany Snow & June Squibb 

Summary: Desperate to help her ailing brother, a young woman unknowingly agrees to compete in a deadly game of “Would You Rather,” hosted by a sadistic aristocrat.

IMDB rating: 5.8/10

I feel like this movie delivers exactly what it says on the tin. A bunch of vulnerable individuals who are desperate for cash for various reasons are invited by a stranger to engage in a game of “Would You Rather” in exchange for a large sum of money. Obviously the choices they’re faced with aren’t the traditional ones you’d expect to have in “Would You Rather” and horror and gore ensues. I think what’s great about this movie is that it has you questioning what you’d do in this situation. If you needed money to save a loved one from a life threatening illness, how far would you go? 

You’re Next (2011)

Type: Slasher/Psychological

Starring: Sharni Vinson & Joe Swanberg

Summary: When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of the victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back.

IMDB rating: 6.5/10

Yet another movie I wasn’t expecting to like much, but that pleasantly surprised me. This’ll certainly keep you on the edge of your seat and the mysterious killers turn out to not be so mysterious after all. You might guess who they are before the big reveal (me and my mom did), but it will still keep you guessing for a while and the journey is intense as the family fight for survival. 

Zombieland (2009)

Type: Comedy/Zombie

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone & Woody Harrelson

Summary: A shy student trying to reach his family in Ohio, a gun-toting tough guy trying to find the last Twinkie, and a pair of sisters trying to get to an amusement park join forces to travel across a zombie-filled America.

IMDB rating: 7.7/10

The only other horror comedy that I actually like. I mean, for the amazing cast alone this deserves to be on this list. But it also has the perfect amount of comedy, seriousness and gore. 

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

Type: Psychological 

Starring: John Goodman & Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Summary: After getting in a car accident, a woman is held in a shelter with two men, who claim the outside world is affected by a widespread chemical attack.

IMDB rating: 7.2/10

Going into this, I was expecting it to be rubbish, (mainly because ‘Cloverfield’ was so bloody awful that I didn’t see how a sequel could be any better), but it took me by surprise. The main question throughout the film is, are the men telling the truth? Are they good guys or bad guys? Those are the questions you will doubt the answers to right up until the reveal at the end. It kept me hooked and the fact that it isn’t found-footage like ‘Cloverfield’ definitely works in its favour.

Lastly, I’d like to mention some movies that I see included on a lot of recommendation, best of or top 10/50/100 lists that I personally don’t rate and why. That isn’t saying you shouldn’t watch them, just that they’re not necessarily as good as they’re portrayed to be. Warning: The movies listed below will contain spoilers.

It Follows (2014) - The entire movie is based upon the idea of a sexually transmitted disease/curse, which is just laughable and something I couldn’t take seriously at all. It’s impossible to root for the main character who is so utterly conceited and selfish that she willingly has sex with her best friend a.k.a the guy who has been crushing on her for years and who cares about her so much that he offers to have sex with her to free her from the entity, which results in his untimely death. The only good thing about this movie is that it raises awareness of the consequences of unprotected sex with strangers and hopefully encourages people to learn more about someone before jumping into bed with them.

The Babadook (2014) - I’d heard so many great things about this movie and how terrifying it was and for that reason I went in with high expectations. When it got started my first thought was “Surely this is the wrong movie”, because bloody hell, it was bad. I’ve seen so many reviews crediting it for how amazing it is considering it had such a low budget and all I say to that is - you can bloody well tell it had a low budget. Everything about it screams “low budget movie”. The incessant whining and yelling from both the mother and child made my ears bleed and all it succeeded in doing was irritating (and boring me) me rather than scaring me. I don’t condone that the idea behind it is a good one, but the execution is poor and the acting mediocre. For that reason, I often question how this has managed to receive such a high reputation within the horror genre. 

The Descent (2005) - Again, such a highly accredited movie for which I can’t understand why. A bunch of girls running around in the pitch black underground from some mysterious monsters that kill them all one by one… it’s just so boring. There’s no plot, no build-up, no mystery, nothing. I actually watched it for the first time when I was 16, around the time I was starting to really get into horror movies and even back then it didn’t scare me. I can, however, see why it’d be scary to others as it does create a feeling of claustrophobia since it’s set underground. My dislike for is mainly because monster movies aren’t really my thing. 

Friday The 13th (1980) - I feel like I’m betraying myself by including Friday The 13th, because there’s no denying that it was really defining for the slasher genre and it was one of the first movies that introduced me to horror, but I just don’t like it. I tried to re-watch it recently (since I hadn’t watched it all the way through since I was a teenager) and I couldn’t even get half-way through. The franchise is so big with there being 12 films and the story just gets lost on me. I know there’s some sort of story there with Jason and his mother, but it doesn’t harbour the same impact and intriuge to me as Michael Myers’ back-story. Essentially Friday The 13th will always be a poor rip-off of Halloween. 

The Blair Witch Project (1999) - I already mentioned that found-footage movies are a huuuuge no-no for me and they’re by far the worst corner of the horror genre. Blair Witch is something you either love or hate, for me it’s the latter. It’s just so boring. With any found-footage movies there’s an inability for me to connect to the characters or the story and for that reason the suspense and fear just isn’t there which is so important for any horror movie. I watched this movie once and I’d never watch it again. It’s one of those movies where the end credits roll and you sit back in your chair, look over to the person you’re watching it with and say, “Well there’s 2 hours of our lives we’re never getting back.” 

Paranormal Activity (2007) - Another franchise that’s done so well and become so huge, but I can’t understand why. More found-footage which I despise (the wobbling and half-head shots alone are enough to put me off watching), but these are somewhat watchable in comparison to Blair Witch. I think when you watch these movies in the cinema (which I did for at least 3 of them, though I can’t remember which ones), there are a lot of jump-scare moments mostly because there’s a lot of “normal” scenes set in the day where nothing much is happening, so when those scarier moments happen they’re more impacting. However, a lot of the time the development is so slow with the movement of a sheet or door being the only occurrence for over half of the film and then in the last 10 minutes everything goes crazy. Admittedly there are some of the movies in the franchise that are better. My personal favourite is Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, which is actually the one that is often overlooked and underrated, but that by far had the biggest impact on me. So if you do choose to watch these, that would be the one I’d recommend. But overall the franchise is extremely overrated and it’s reputation is based purely on those cinema jump-scares they’re so famous for. 

The Woman In Black (2012) - AKA the most boring movie in existence. This was the first Daniel Radcliffe movie I’d watched since Harry Potter and as a huge fan of him, I went in with high expectations and it certainly disappointed. Not because of Daniel’s acting, but because of the simple fact that it failed to engage me. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t tense and I found myself wishing that something would jump out to scare me just to keep me engaged, even if it was only for a second. This is one of those movies that was so incredibly dull that I wouldn’t even be able to recall what happened if someone paid me £100 to do so. All I remember is Daniel Radcliffe looking out of a window a lot and jumping every time he saw a black figure standing in the distance (yawn!). 

The Strangers (2008) - I only watched this a couple of weeks ago to see if it was worthy of being included on this list and came to the conclusion it wasn’t. It’s not the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen and unlike some of the others on this list I wouldn’t strongly recommend against watching it, but like all of the movies above, it completely failed to engage me. I paid attention for the first 15 minutes, after which I ended up pulling out my laptop. And the ending is possibly one of my most hated endings in any horror movie whereby the villains/killers have absolutely zero motive. When they were asked, “Why are you doing this?” their response was simply, “Because you were home.” Really? I’ve sat through two hours of watching two people get mentally tortured and hunted like dogs just because a bunch of sadistic people stumbled across their house and decided to torture them just to pass the time? No thanks.

The Mist (2007) - Again, another movie I opted to watch based on the fact it was included on a list of recommendations and I was bitterly disappointed. Some big mysterious alien-like bugs attack a small town from beneath the cover of mist. It’s so boring and not at all scary. Once again, my dislike for this movie can be put down to my dislike for monster/alien sub-genres. 

The Hills Have Eyes (2006) - This is a movie that everyone has heard the name of, even if you haven’t seen it. For that reason, I had high expectations going into it, but unfortunately it was just more boring shit about a family getting hunted down by a bunch of cannibal deformed humans in the desert. Yawn.

The Girl With All The Gifts (2016) - This movie starts out so promising and I was so eager to learn the mystery behind the dystopian world it was set in and when I realised it was just another zombie movie I was deflated. Once the mystery ends and the “hungries” are revealed there’s really nothing more to watch for.  I also don’t understand how this qualifies as horror because it’s not in the least bit scary or pertaining to anything I consider defining of a horror movie and I would happily let any young teenager watch it. The only thing that remotely relates it to horror is the inclusion of zombies. 

V/H/S (2012) - I should’ve been smart enough to read more about this movie before watching it, but I didn’t and it turns out it’s a found-footage movie, yay my fave(!) /sarcasm. The problem with this movie (aside from the fact that it’s found-footage) is that I found it impossible to follow. It jumped from one group/plot to the next and I couldn’t make head or tail of what was going on. Because of this, it didn’t keep my focus and I ended up having to Wiki what the plot/ending was and ended up frowning at the screen in utter confusion because I just didn’t get what the plot was supposed to be from what I watched. 

Drag Me To Hell (2009) - Along with ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation’ this is the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen. God knows how it’s managed to scrape a 6 point something rating on IMDb. I couldn’t even list all of the things that make this so terrible, just save yourself from wasting an hour and a half of your life and don’t watch this movie. 

Rosemary’s Baby (1968) - This movie is considered a classic in the horror genre and is on pretty much every recommendation list you’ll ever find relating to horror, but god, it’s awful. Maybe it’s because I’m accustomed to modern horror which is so much more vivid, graphic and unafraid to push the boundaries, but I find this movie so tame, boring and not at all scary. It’s predictable with a terrible and anti-climatic ending that drags out a lot. There is nothing appealing or interesting about it and if you do decide to watch it, just don’t go in with high expectations like I did, because you’re bound to be disappointed. 

#horror #userhorroredits #horror movies #horror films #halloween movies #movie recommendations #horror genre #mine #my recs #why is it always that the things i spend the most time and effort on get barely any notes lmao

[cosmictuesdays]

The stronger the wind is, the stronger the tree.

The vampires on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel don't have a culture. They've got traditions and customs, like not going out on Halloween, transmitted information and oral histories, like the Whirlwind's notoriety and the near-mythic Slayer, and the occasional prophecy or cult of personality, but no culture. No society as such. It reminds me a bit of childlore and other parts of children's culture, where it's only tangentially connected to the surrounding civilization. They're so bereft of anything - any connections whatsoever - that the moment someone says "I'm going this way" they've got people following them. Usually vampire society is shown as something that's existed for thousands of years with all sorts of small details, elaborate hierarchies and aristocracies, and established protocols and rituals, like what to do if you make a new vampire. Sometimes it's completely absent and vampires are non- social solitary predators. Every so often, it's shown as something in flux and ongoing development, but I've never seen anything with vampires creating a society of their own. It'd take an immense shift in the entire dimensional paradigm to get vampires to talk to each other long enough and consistently enough to make something which could be accurately called a culture. And it was when I was discussing the parallels between Spike and Konstantin Bothari - two monstrous people that devote themselves to becoming heroes and take meaning in their lives from being a beloved woman's dog - that I realized the Vorkosigan Saga had the ideal framework I could hang these thoughts on. As ever, would that I had world enough and time; instead, at a friend's request, a write-up it is. With about 6,000 words under the cut in three parts - the cultural framework and general backstory, the crossover narrative itself, and a crossover pairing of happy monsters - to avoid breaking anyone’s screens.

Vampires are monotheists. They refer to their god in euphemism, by her title, because her current name isn't known and her old names aren't to be spoken aloud. They call her Slayer, as she was in life. In all of her lives. Her face is never shown in the same way her names aren't used, especially when there's no knowing what her next face might look like. She's not here, but it's understood she may yet return, if needed. So vampires work to make sure she's no longer needed. They swear on her bones, her eyes, her hands, her mercy, her grace. Her name, all the ones she's had and all that may yet come.Vampires work to be good, to let her know that she's not needed. To make sure they never see the face she may yet have. Once a year, on the day the last known Slayer died, they gather and pray that they live to see another year without her. They pray she doesn't return. All that they do, they do for her, to please her. To make her proud, make her happy. To see that she stays kind, to see to it that they never see her again. To make sure she's not needed, and they do her work for her. By her grace, they live. By her mercy. Vampires don't make new vampires on a whim anymore, not for the fun of it, and they certainly don't abandon the newly-made vampire as soon as the deed's done. Depending on where the vampire's made, there are different customs on how it's done - if there's dirt, then there's laying together in it while the transformation takes place - but it's always done at the human's request. It's not offered, as such, and the human has to be turned away, to have the chance to step away if this isn't exactly what they want. Usually it isn't. Sometimes it is. If you're trading one life-ending condition for another, details like breathing don't always matter so much. Vampires throughout the Nexus, including Barrayar, are seen as lower-class, working-class, hard labor class - if a job would be dangerous for a human, try sending a vampire - and while a few of them do rise in society's eyes, most of them stay far down. But that sort of human-style stratification doesn't exist for vampires, not in the same way and not even close. Depending on where the vampire's from, where they were made, lineage can be an incredibly important factor - who made them, who they might make, the unbroken chain up and down the centuries. Or it might not be, if more emphasis is given to the group at large once you become a part of it, one small piece of the network, the net that catches them. In either situation, there's no governing authority determining what's correct or improper. Wherever you find vampires, it's consistent that while there's varying social standings and persons of given amounts of power within the group and over the ones right around them, there's no magistrates, no mayors, no kings. It's all very social, self-governing from within. Not necessarily by committee, but more by non-voting consensus. Some places put more focus on deferring to the ones above them in their lineage, and in other areas, that's much less important and not given nearly the same amount of emphasis. There are rules and customs governing how to eat, where to eat, when to eat. It's always blood, and it's meant to be shared. You eat at a table, sitting with people, holding your bowl in both hands. It'd be rude to do otherwise, especially because it's important to know where everyone's hands are. Blood is bought, and shared, and sometimes it's synthetic human and sometimes it's vat-grown animal and sometimes it came right out of a living thing, but if you're living together, it's strange to eat all by yourself. If you're living alone, all bets are off. But in a shared home, it's expected to be done as a group. Blood can be shared outside the home, in what's usually called a Liquitería or Sangrería or sometimes Hemeteria - ranging in decor from the utmost ethos of a dive bar to a shiny upscale coffee place. But they don't serve their blood "to go." Whatever's ordered, whether it's horse or bear or human, has to be consumed on the premises. Sometimes because of local laws and regulations, other times to prevent controversy from arising. Vampires have gotten pretty good about avoiding human-based conflicts, and at taking care of things among themselves. It's the group that determines and delivers punishments, if necessary. One of the more well-known ones, because of its visibility, is the return of keelhauling. A vampire is stripped naked, save for a chain on their ankle, and thrown into the hard vacuum of space. It's the ultimate in solitary confinement, in its own way. They're left out there for days, sometimes weeks, depending on what they did and how much time they need to give to earn their forgiveness. Vampire houses, when they're built with them in mind and not converted from human usage, have subterranean sleeping areas and don't bother putting in windows except on the highest floor. There's usually sleeping pits, like those old sunken conversation pits from the 1970s, that even come with covers that slide closed, to provide maximum security against any possible sunlight. And because emphasizing communal living in as many ways as they can is nothing but sensible. If you want privacy you can go into a little workroom, and if you want to sleep alone all you need to do is ask. There's a toilet off in the back somewhere in case a human visits, and plenty of soaking tubs to get some warmth into the body before going out and pretending to be harmless for a while. They don't quite do marriage as humans think of the arrangement, but there are ceremonies where a pair of vampires will declare their mutual loyalty to one another in the eyes of their community and before the Slayer, may she ever be merciful. These happen with the community encircling the vampires - a ring around the couple - and also includes both members of the couple each placing a flower crown on the other, if resources permit. If they do, night-blooming jasmine is what's traditional. Daysuits look like a cross between Scorpius' coolant suit, Crichton's vacuum suit, and Aeryn's pilot uniform: sleek, black, intimidating, shouting hi there! I'm a vampire! The open faceplates are highly reflective, both to keep sunlight down and for privacy. Because humans won't see who's inside, just their own faces reflected back. But if two vampires see each other, then they're fine, because there aren't any reflections getting in the way. Vampire culture is precipitated on two things: forcing vampires to get into a position where they have conversations on a regular basis, and supplementary technologies providing assistance and helping humans see them as a different sort of person that shouldn't automatically be killed on sight. Vampires still look at humans and have the instinctive, primary thought, "food." When the situation is such that there's cooperation and mutual benefit, it's easier to push those instincts aside and think "person." But it takes a lot of work for the vampires, more than for the humans. Before vat-grown blood and other such technological developments and the basic idea of culture came along, there were a series of experiments done to figure out how to keep vampires from eating humans. One of them was a mass ensoulling project - cursing a control group with souls to see if that would do it. It didn't, and breaking the mass curse ended up being even more harmful than just killing them would have been, and it ended up as one of the factors involved in the decision to seal off the dimension from everywhere else. It's not that magic vanished and it's not that it faded away and it's not that it was destroyed; it's still here, it's still available with the right tools and the proper knack. It's that this specific dimension got cut off from the rest of them. No more quick trips to Pylea, no more summoning things from the depths and the farthest realms. All that you've got to work with is just what's already here. Throwing up the walls was the best, most effective way to keep the place safe and stop things from getting worse. There was a lot of damage done before the walls went up, and they're not coming down anytime soon. There's two ways in and out: you can blast your way through with the magical equivalent of a tactical nuke, like for Quor'toth, or you can slither your way through the tiniest cracks and holes that will never be completely sealed over. Which is why there's still new vampires coming along, though not nearly as many, or as frequently. - It took throwing up the walls to bring every slithering and creeping thing out of the shadows and into the open for everyone to learn about them. Something suitably terrific and terrifying to push the magic and the dark creatures out into the world's eye forever. Something to get vampires to speak to each other. The realization that where you once had a huge, lush forest, you've got a botanical garden. Beautiful, but not wild. Never wild again. And about 200 years after that, humans start colonizing the galaxy. Just because you can't drive to Pylea doesn't mean you can't ride a rocket ship to outer space. Full-on demons are more or less yellow-billed magpies. They're not endangered, but there's only one place they live, and they can't be found anywhere else no matter how hard you look or how much you want to see them. They just don't live anywhere else but Earth. No matter how far out humans go, demons are staying on that one planet. But vampires can leave, and a lot of them do. Synthetic blood was intended for human use in surgeries and emergency situations, and it's still widely used in those applications. But vampires eat it, and knowing they're eating something that never came from a person helps humans feel a little more at ease around them. Never entirely so, but enough. The best that can be said of it is that it stops vampires from being hungry. It's nutritionally complete and tastes of real blood the way energy bars taste of chocolate, which is just enough to get you to remember the actual flavor and realize the vast gulf between that and what you're eating. But at least you're not hungry anymore. Until the technology comes along to synthesize specific blood types and different animal species, Spike eats his with Sriracha. And sometimes Weetabix, if he's got any. Usually at the same time. He'd been doing Outside, deep-space work - construction and repairs and long- haul spaceflights - for some decades. Angel's still on Earth, and he doesn't leave until there's a terraforming project that opens up. He'd been drifting around at short-term positions - twenty years here, forty there - and wanted something in a long-term scale he could really devote himself to. A couple hundred years at the very least. And terraforming seemed the best fit. Wormhole jumps are bad on vampires - they're the leftover spaces from where the present dimension slips and touches the next one over, a little pocket of in-between that you can slide through if you manage to maneuver your way through that fifth dimension. The works of Winnifed Burkle were some of the founding texts of wormhole theory, and most people have it on good authority that for a vampire, riding through one feels like having your soul ripped out. So to get through them, vampires have to fast for at least a day beforehand, take a heavy dose of the good drugs two hours before, and hide in their cabin in the fetal position because that's how they're staying for at least another eight hours after they get out the other side. Angel wanted to take as few wormhole jumps as he possibly could, so a direct flight to his new jobsite seemed like a good idea. He and Spike parted on good terms, joking over different work positions and what to do when they see each other next. It was 50,000 human colonists to Barrayar, and 1,250 vampires. Then the wormhole closed. Almost immediately after that, the vampires collectively explain that if anything happens to them, the humans are going to be fine, but if anything happens to the humans, the vampires are screwed. So they're pitching in everything behind the humans, and they're there to help any way they can. ("Can I get you something? Soup? Another blanket?" "IT'S JUST THE SNIFFLES." "I'll get you some tea.") It's Barrayar where vampires are integrated into human society, much better than in the Nexus. Even on Earth. They always stand apart, with their own traditions, customs, and belief systems; it's that on Barrayar, there's a level of mutual support and understanding between humans and vampires that isn't seen elsewhere. Usually, vampires are a mix of predator and parasite. It's rare and almost unprecedented for them to be symbiotic. It took Spike a little getting used to, when he arrived. Most people would think it'd be Beta Colony, given its subterranean cities and extensive vat-grown blood options. But it's not exactly friendly towards them - tolerant, to a point, and indulgent, in its own way. Betans think of themselves as providing services and assistive technologies that free vampires from their previously chaotic ways and what they'd call "specialized needs." Vampires wish Betans understood it comes from their social structures. Even when a given vampire predates the technology that allowed their planet to be colonized to begin with - well, Betans can condescend to anyone. It's really part of their charm. Cordelia Vorkosigan couldn't quite understand the level of Barrayaran integration for her first few years living on the planet, how fundamental they are to her new home's culture, and her realization that they're satisfied with how they are. How the way they're living is very much what they want. (To a lot of vampires, post-Time of Isolation Barrayar looks right in a way that only works for beings who think and live in the very long term: big honkin' castles right next to flying cars.) (Beta Colony has the second-biggest population of magical practitioners in the Nexus, right behind Earth. Magicians and witches and wizards skilled enough to slice the electrons off an atom! ...who do a lot of work in research labs where they can pull together a cubic foot of helium for particle accelerators without any fuss.) The six hundred years apart passed one day at a time. There wasn't always much to distinguish one from another, and Spike continued on through them, knowing either faster-than-light technology would come along as promised - they've got spaceships and flying cars and fake gravity and people grown in jars, FTL should be arriving any day now - or there's going to be a new route uncovered at some point. There was one time he miscalculated the dose and timing of the wormhole jump drugs, and wandered out of his cabin in a weird daze - "Are we on a planet?" "...no." "Right. Fake gravity. Forgot we had that now." "Yeah." "Should I get dressed?" "Yes." - and no matter what people say to him, whether or not he knows the precise model and year of a given ship, his vocabulary is always at least twenty years behind. It's fake gravity. It's a spaceship. It's a ship in space. A spaceship! Give him some credit: when he was human, cars hadn't even been invented yet. There was one time he was working Outside in a group, and there was a small accident, an explosion, and his comm suddenly cut off. His crewmates worried until they saw him again, and he seemed to be doing fine, but once they were in the airlock they saw it wasn't a failure of the comms: there was a cut in his suit and all the air had gone out of it. So he couldn't tell them what had happened, or even that he was okay. It nearly made one of his crewmates throw up, because they'd seen people die from exactly that sort of rip, and here Spike is, talking cheerfully and saying he'll fix it with duct tape. Because humans don't survive those things. (Reclamation crews call vampires "twitchers." Because calling them anything more detailed, like "people who are starving and will try to eat you," is exactly the kind of press vampires hate. They're why modern defrosting protocol always involves a heavily armored chamber and readily available bags of blood. Because everyone, especially vampires, understand the necessity of being careful about these things.) There was one time Spike was doing some fine repair work, and by accident and bad luck, got a jolt. Not a big jolt, just a little electric kiss that anyone could shrug off, no damage done - except he still hates electricity, can't stand it, has such issues with the shocks, the one thing that makes him lose it, dropping his fangs and screaming and swearing by the Slayer's blasted blessed cunt and locks himself in his cabin for the rest of the day, and some of the next. He apologizes as best he can, as much as he can, for the rudeness of dropping his fangs in front of humans. But not for how he acted, because he knows he shouldn't have to. Not for that. But there was one day he'll always remember. That's the day one of his crewmates came out to see him standing on the hull, job long since over, staring out into the stars. They want to know if he's okay, if there's anything wrong. No, nothing's wrong, not at all: "That's my sun," he says. "There. That one," he points to a tiny dot, no different from all the rest. But vampires know their sun. "I haven't seen it in..." Because far enough away, every sun becomes a star. It's got nothing to do with wavelengths or radiation. It's got everything to do with light, and magic. There's no practical biology involved with demon-possessed corpses. Vampires can happily soak in starlight and moonlight, but they can't walk in the sun. No matter where they are in the universe. On Barrayar, years came and went. Society rebuilt itself almost from scratch. In the beginning, some humans said that because vampires were alive when Earth was at similar technology levels, they should be able to help out with more practical work, with vampires pointing out humans rode spaceships here so by that same logic they should know how to build those. Among the developments in the rebuilding process was formalizing something that had been casual circumstance until then, done in a specifically Barrayaran way: vampires aren't allowed to be Vor. If you're Vor and become a vampire, you left that honorific behind, and no vampire can ever earn it. Too much worry about corruption and immortal dynasties. It goes beyond tradition into written law. Keeping the Slayer away is an active process, and threats humans make to each other - I'll get a vampire to eat you! You have a mutie baby, you just leave it out for the vamps - don't help matters. Angel only turned two vampires, both in the last hundred-fifty years or so before the Time of Isolation ended. Both of them asked for it to happen, were turned away three times and still came back. He lay with them in the ground until they dug themselves up, and it seems better, now, for someone to be with you when it happens. Kinder, to know you're not going to be tossed aside and abandoned. That it's a process, a commitment to the new person you've brought up from the ground. What he had with Darla and Drusilla and Spike was for the most part stable, and he knows that helped keep the four of them as functional as they were. With so few vampires turned on impulse, the average age for turning went up by a couple of decades. Because there aren't many resources for both humans and vampires to share, not many are made on Barrayar at all. One of the first things to go was vat-grown blood, the support needed to keep that going winding down fast, so with vampires relying on butchers, on consensual feedings, and the occasional horse with a broken leg, they've gotten used to being a little hungry all the time. It's accepted as a normal part of being a vampire. (During the Cetagandan invasion, young vampires looked to Angel for guidance, for advice, for permission - "Can we eat them?" "With the Slayer's blessing, you can eat them." Because she was a warrior, a defender, and would have understood. And many of those young vampires learned, for the first time, what it felt like to eat their fill and finally be sated.) ("What do you mean, he threw the horse at you?" The rider had been a vampire, wrapped up safe from sunlight, out during the day, and the scouts had shot the horse. "You mean he threw the -" "No, we mean he PICKED UP THE HORSE and he THREW IT AT US." When Angel relates this story to Spike, he can't stop giggling over Angel's banked and simmering anger. It's been a long time, and he's still mad - "They shot my horse!" He'd kept horses for centuries, one at a time, as food and companionship, and that one was one of his favorites. Then the Cetagandans shot it. He knows a few landscapers who hate them for similar reasons: two hundred years they spent on that one lawn, and now the whole thing's radioactive!) Angel lives alone, and always has. Some vampires live in small communities, little neighborhoods, and of those, some stay with the ones they've made or the ones that made them. He doesn't - he's the oldest vampire on the planet, third-oldest in the Nexus, and it's hard to find someone to really speak to who's able to understand because they've also been there. He hasn't even bothered to remove the mirrors from his bathroom. Then another wormhole opens, and spaceships come roaring through the atmosphere for the first time in centuries. And not long after that, coming every day and waiting where spaceships touch down and open up for visitors, he sees someone in a daysuit walk out with the other humans that can turn their faces right to the sun. He's there in the finest wrappings and rags and his best goggles, and there's no way to be sure - except that he knows. They walk right up to one another and from the outside, it's a strange scene: goggles looking down into a faceplate, a faceplate looking up at goggles. With no reflections to get in the way. And they hug. They stand there for a long time, not paying any attention to the people daring glances or openly staring, and then silently go off to Angel's basement apartment, turning away from each other just long enough to get undressed, removing the helmet and unwrapping the rags, both of them boggling at the other - Spike's let his hair grow out, brown and corkscrew curls, and Angel managed to find something to get his hair to lie flat in a perfectly regimented military cut. But that's nothing to their accents, with Angel rolling his R's like a native Russian speaker, and Spike's flat Californian accent a tribute to his long-lost friends. ("Cavemen," Spike grins. "Astronauts," Angel insists.) There's a lot of time spent comparing notes, a lot of requests to pronounce given words, some bonding over both of them having settled into four-digit ages ("Do you remember when five hundred years was old?"), and some deep amusement when Spike meets the two vampires Angel raised. He's comfortably over a thousand at this point, Angel closer to twelve hundred, and even taken together the two vamps aren't even half as old as Spike is. But by Barrayaran vampire custom, they'd be seen as being above him - they were made by Angel while Spike was made by someone Angel made, so they should rightly be above him. Or so they thought, until he throughly trounced them both. Angel sat back and laughed his ass off; they needed to be taken down a peg or two. The Barrayaran insistence on direct linage above and below is hard for Spike to fit into: the one who made him is gone and there's no one he's raised who remains. He won't talk about them, and the Barrayaran vamps respect his desire for privacy, but still - no one? No one at all? So he's isolated and alone like that? How can a vampire live all alone like that, nobody directly connected to you? It must be so lonely. The Nexus insentience on the group and collective life is hard for Angel to fit into: he doesn't know how to fit into a group where there's nobody in charge, no clear chains of command, and he really doesn't know how to sleep in a shared space. He requests, and gets, a sleeping-pit all to himself even though it's understood as something of an odd request - even if nobody's in charge you tend to defer to the oldest ones in the room, the ones closest to or from the time of the Slayer. And as he's trying to fall asleep, Spike slides the cover open, "Shove over." Neither of them comment on it, but it's easier for Angel to fall asleep with Spike there. At Spike's insistence, they take a couple of wormhole jumps. He wants to show him their sun, and they both want to see Earth again for the first time in centuries. And he gives Angel his two-part human name of Liam Summers when he needed forms to travel through the Nexus - they both knew the gesture for what it was, and don't speak about it, not needing to. Angel says nothing about Spike taking Drusilla's human surname, William Keeble,for the same reasons. When they get to Earth, they go to the same places most vampires come to see, the places important to their religion: the Hellmouth that Spike closed, the Los Angeles that Angel helped sink, battle scars and birth sites and places that used to take you someplace very different but now only leave you wondering what might still be on the other side. While they're on planet, they attend a wedding out in the California mountains. They were only told about it a few hours beforehand, because you're supposed to invite all the vampires around, and when they say who they are, all the jaws drop. It's an amazing honor for all those present to have them there, and they're asked to give a few words, which they both do. They speak about how the Slayer would approve of what they're doing, how she would be happy. A while after the Cetagandan invasion, long for humans but not so much for vampires, there's a small gallery show in Vorbarr Sultana, a collaborative venture with some poems inspiring art and other pieces of art inspiring poems. Words by William Keeble and art by Liam Summers. They've both had centuries to hone their craft and get genuinely good at it, enough to be worth the sharing. Someone asks the two of them, "You've both got souls? How many souled vampires are there?" They think a minute. Spike counts off, "One. Zero. One, two, one. Two. Twenty-seven. Then, one." He smiles big at that. "Now, two. Us. Him and me." "I've had mine longer." "I've never lost mine." (When the curse broke, Angel's soul left him, because it was all the curses breaking. Not so with Spike's - "It's mine," he says. "I earned it. It's not a curse, it belongs to me." And it was Drusilla who helped Spike fight to get Angel's soul back to him, by her own agency, coming to Spike on her own in her last moments of clarity. And it was by her own agency that she died, meeting the sun one morning as it rose after saying good-bye to Spike. And never in a hundred thousand years would he have known any vampire could burn blue like a flame - it must have been the part of her that was never human, that burned so blue and beautiful. Not even ash remained. In a way, he's all that's left of her.) Someone else asks the two of them, "I've seen pictures of old vampires, they get all - grr, argh. How come you both still look human?" They look at each other, shrug. "Soulful living." (And if you thought that maybe, just maybe, because Buffy's magic is strongest when it has a backdoor, that if a small number of specifically impossible things occurred long after the walls are put up, impossible like vampires standing in the light of their sun, then those walls would come falling down...you just might be right.) - Spike met Taura when she was in her early 20s, on shore leave from the Dendarii. She was out with her friends, enjoying the night, and when Spike didn't hesitate at all when he saw her across the room, just came up and started talking. It was the first thing about him that she liked, that he wasn't afraid of her. Granted, he came up to her and started speaking in some sort of gibberish, and when he saw she didn't understand, switched to another, different kind of gibberish. In all fairness to Spike, he'd mistaken her for a demon and wanted to know where she'd come from, if a portal had been opened back up and the walls were coming down and maybe she - wait, you're not that kind of demon? You're not that kind either? He leaned in and took a big sniff, and in a flat, almost Betan accent, immediately apologized for the misunderstanding. She accepted it gladly. And by then, they were happy and willing to keep talking to each other. That said, the sniff was a little strange, and Taura asked Spike very delicately what that was. He just points at the big mirror on the wall. She looks, and then does a double-take, because negative space is hard to notice unless you're looking for emptiness. Then it's her turn to stare and apologize for staring, because she's never met a vampire. So they formally introduce themselves, and shake hands, and very quickly go back to her quarters to make with the sex. Spike really likes that Taura doesn't waste any time. The second thing about Spike that Taura likes is how strong he is. Especially since he doesn't look it at all. He used to be a fairly reasonable height, and then nutrition standards got raised across the board so by modern galactic standards, he's not that big - the top of his head might not even reach her collarbones. But he's the strongest person she's ever met, even stronger than she is. She knew a little bit about vampires, had read about them, but this is her first time so much as talking to one, let alone getting into bed with him - and more to the point, this is the first time she's never had to worry about how fragile her partner is. Much as she loves Miles and Roic and all the men she's had, they're all fragile in ways that she has to be careful about. Not so with Spike. "I don't want to break you, love." "You can try." But what's even better than that, the best part of how strong he is, she realizes not too long after she's invited him into her bed, when he lies on his back, places his feet on her stomach and holds her hands - and lifts her up into the air in a delightfully old-fashioned airplane ride. And Taura cannot stop laughing. They spend the rest of her shore leave exclusively in each other's company. Comparing horrible memories of testing labs - electricity is the worst, by far the absolute worst, they both still have nightmares about it - and amusing themselves over their vastly different dietary needs and metabolisms - "Do you have one? Technically speaking." - and going out and doing all the things Taura's seen and read about and never been able to do before. And now she wants to do it all. Things like that airplane ride. Going out dancing and being dipped by her partner and if the dance is right, being lifted up over her partner's head. Jumping onto his back for an impromptu piggyback ride. Sitting on his shoulders. And simply being picked up and carried. Spike's equally over the moon about this, because he loves making women into princesses and queens. That Taura can do all of those grand romantic gestures to Spike is nothing special. That they can each do that to each other, now that's something different. It's novel for Taura in all the best possible ways. What's also novel for her, though far less fun, is what it's like for them to sleep together. Just the sleeping. Because it's when Spike's asleep that Taura realizes exactly what she's in bed with. It's deeply, viscerally disturbing when Spike's asleep, because of the complete lack of automatic bodily functions. She's handled corpses before, and to think of the man who cheerfully tossed her around and gave her such pleasure as one is genuinely creepy, down in the bottom of her guts and the small parts of her spine. She reaches out and pokes him as gently as she can. His flesh moves, but he doesn't snort in response. Because he's not breathing. She puts her hand on his chest, and there's no movement there. It's the same temperature as the bedsheets. Ambient temperature. She leans down to sniff him carefully, and there's not much there, either. He's a not-corpse, and doesn't have much personally generated scent. He'd been so - not body-warm, but spirit-hot. She sits back and looks at him, really looks at him, someone from the other side of death, and wonders, would it be rude to ask if it hurt? Later during their time together, he tells her about the Slayer, the vampire's god-figure. Not quite myth, not quite truth. Those lovely warriors from long ago, girls and women, beautiful and terrifying, figures of fear and love who always burned up fast. She'd have made a grand one, in the days they were needed. There hasn't been a Slayer in centuries: "We're good, now, us vampires. All of us, we're good. So the Slayer doesn't come for us. If she comes, she comes for us all. So we're good, so she won't come." "But you miss her." "I do. And I hope I never see her again. But meeting you is like meeting her." And Taura knows how high a compliment that is. She doesn't quite grasp how old he is, when she asks him. The number he gives her - that's too much. A hundred years, two hundred, she could understand those. But what he has, that's practically the age of a planet. It's beyond her comprehension, that he's well into his eleventh century and still counting. There's only four vampires around that are older than him, and three of them are on Earth, so almost anywhere he goes, he's the oldest creature around. Once she knows how old he is, she doesn't much care if it's rude anymore, and there are all sorts of things people have asked someone over a thousand years old, and this is a question almost everyone wants to know the answer to. The way she asks it, though, he knows to give her the truth: "It did at first." ("Thank you. For telling me.") She asks him if vampires still eat people. "We don't hunt," he tells her, which isn't saying no. He doesn't ask her - he can't ask her. It'd bring the Slayer, asking her. But if she offers her blood freely, he can accept. It's not until their last night together that she offers him her blood, her own choice, her own decision. He thanks her before he accepts, and when she sees his other face, she thinks not even the greatest sculptors on the Whole could make a face like that. When he's shifted back to his human face, and looks at her with clear blue eyes, and she knows they couldn't carve this one, either. And when he's finished eating she asks what she tastes like. So he tells her: "Like smoke. Like the air before it snows. Like forests, and running." They part on good terms, happy with the time they've spent together. And they do see each other again, once. Several years later. He's still the same, and she's burning up, burning fast. And he still looks at her like she's the same. She thinks to ask, if he could, might he - he says no, cutting her off, no, he'd never. "Thank you," she says, and smiles. "Thank you."

#buffy the vampire slayer #vorkosigan saga #crossover #wanton cage aux folles

[vieuxnoyesrp]

Chris. We went so long without our Most-Wanted character over the last few months that we were beginning to wonder whether we had to conduct a mini Harvest Ritual ourselves in order to draw her into our group. Luckily, you beat us to the chase and answered our appeals to the ancestors in the form of an app that nailed all of our (fairly strenuous) expectations for Sophie’s role. You had a really good grasp of her single-minded state of obsession with respect to completing the Harvest Ritual, and did a great job portraying how it affects her day-to-day existence; right down to the smallest details. You chose a unique moment for your sample para, and we loved seeing how some of Sophie’s characteristics remained the same (although on a much lighter note) before the bleak turn her life took over the last year. We can’t wait to have this firebrand on the dash!

Chris, thank you very much for applying. As for Sophie…

                  ⚜ ~ WELCOME TO VIEUX NOYÉS!!! ~ ⚜

Wondering what to do next? Click here and let the good times roll!

⚜ Roleplayer:

⤜ Name/alias: Chris ⤜ Pronouns: She/Her ⤜ Age: 20 ⤜ Timezone: EST ⤜ Activity: 6-7 because adulting and real world stuff. If I let replies build up too much I get overwhelmed and sort of ignore them, so I try to do replies fairly often so that doesn’t happen! ⤜ Best form of contact: Tumblr is fine for now. ⤜ Any Triggers? Nope. ⤜ How did you find Vieux Noyés? It was recommended to me some time ago. I’ve also seen it in the tags a few times. ⤜ What drew you to the RP? The amount of detail and the overall aesthetic. I think it’s very clever the way you managed to tie the shows and book series together so it all comes together cohesively. I like the little changes you’ve made to bios to make them fit into this new world of yours, and I can tell a lot of thought went into making the rp a reality. ⤜ What is one subplot/element from the Plot page that you are particularly looking forward to seeing in this roleplay? I am surprisingly intrigued by the Hunters and the lost Relic they apparently have. In the plot it sounds as if the Hunters have grown idle and complacent but that they’re trying to build the Guild back up to it’s original splendor. I personally, am very excited to see that in motion. Plus who doesn’t want to see some Hunters fuck shit up with ‘magically-imbued objects’.

And because I am the most rebel to ever rebel, i’m also putting that I am super psyched to see how the Harvest goes. Does it get completed? If so, how? Or do the Salem witches actually end up converting the New Orleans witches? I have a million and one questions about what’s going to happen and cannot wait to see that come to fruition.

⚜ Desired Character: Sophie Deveraux

⤜ Why do you want this character? 

I paid this character very little mind the first time I watched the Originals and what a mistake that was. There’s big talk concerning her but very little action to support it. Sophie deserves to be built up, she deserves to be developed and the t.v. show (unsurprisingly) did her a great injustice. It’s mentioned that she’ll fight to the death for her niece Monique, but we get to see very little of that fierce determination to do whatever it takes for her family. Simply put, I see a lot of potential in Sophie and want to bring her to life the way she deserves. 

⤜ What are your future plans for this character? 

Honestly I have none at this moment - but here me out! Sophie herself has no plans for the future. She’s set herself a task, one task, and in her mind nothing else really matters after that. She saves Monique and then? She’s not thinking about what comes after the Harvest and the Reaping, she’s got a one track mind and I honestly doubt she even expects to come out of this whole thing alive. I have to say though, I would love to put her in scenarios where she’s forced to think about the future because it’s going to be something we’ll both have to think quite a lot about. 

⤜ Put yourself in your character’s shoes. Give us a few lines to describe a day in the life of your character… Where do they live? Where and how do they spend their time?

She wakes up every morning in her family home, the purple and brown accented walls of her bedroom a stark contrast to the painfully boring and sterile white ones that coated the rest of the house. Her parents had left the place to Jane-Anne but her sister had never been one to turn Sophie away when she needed somewhere to stay, and had even left the room untouched as Sophie traveled the world. ( Now that Jane-Anne was dead, the place was technically hers but she couldn’t get used to referring to it anything but Jane’s place. )

She begins the day with a cup of sugary sweet coffee to wake herself up - late to bed and early to rise makes for a very disgruntled Sophie in the morning - before moving onto something harsh and bitter as reality hits her. The rest of the day continues on as normal lest she rouse any suspicion. She hangs around the Witches for awhile, the ones that don’t openly scoff at her, plotting away and reminding them of the deadline. When they tire of her rants, depending on her mood she either heads to Cafe Du Monde for another coffee and to brainstorm alone in peace or to Rousseau’s to have a drink and drown her sorrows for a time. Her daily routine switches up every so often, whenever she has a lead she latches on like a bloodhound and refuses to let up no matter where it takes her. Until recently she’s come up with nada, but with all sorts of trouble brewing in the quarter, she’s sure more than one opportunity to get intel will arise - who’d have thought that more vampires coming to the quarter would be convenient?

⤜ Give us three headcanons regarding your character of choice.

She switches often between being impotently drunk and bone-dry sober. Gone are the party girl ways of past and instead she’s taken to more mature, fitting ways of drinking; when you find a drunk Sophie, you’ll find her lost in thought with a mostly-polished off bottle of whisky.

Finished one semester at Delgado Community College.

When it comes to bloodshed or anything gruesome, her tolerance of it is much more similar to that of a human’s. It’s not that she can’t stand the sight of blood, but before the failed harvest and Marcel’s subsequent reign of terror she hadn’t seen much carnage or gore. She isn’t used to seeing someone’s innards being pulled from their stomach - and she isn’t sure she ever wants to be.

She has only let herself cry over Monique one time and has yet to to even visit her body. Since her promise to Jane-Anne to bring back her niece, Sophie is in almost complete denial that she won’t be able to keep that promise. She is angry, bitter, determined - she has nothing to lose and everything to gain so how could she possibly lose?

She had a pet bird when she was a girl. It was hers, but of course Jane-Anne did most of the work taking care of it while she taught it things like how to whistle a tune. They’d had it for only half a year but both sisters grew extremely attached to it as any child does a pet, but one day they came home from school to an empty cage. “Forget the bird”, their parents had told them. Her sister always the obedient one, agreed, but Sophie never had been good with taking orders. After only a few minutes of snooping she found it dead in her parent’s room surrounded by salt and plants she didn’t yet know the name of. She was young, but even she recognized sacrificial magic when she saw it. Jane refused to reply when Sophie told her but her silence spoke a thousand words - she already knew. Sophie promised then and there never to practice magic again, a promise she’d break only weeks later, and would forget the whole ordeal as time went on. 

⤜ What are some plots you’d like to explore with your character? 

Well obviously i’d love to explore any and all connections of hers; and even connections not listed in her bio, particularly Sophie and Davina. Her niece is best friends with Davina and now Sophie is trying to kill her. They had to have known each other before the Harvest, so not only is Sophie hunting down an innocent girl, but her niece’s best friend. It’s kind of ironic that both of these girl loved Monique and now they and their disbelief in the Harvest play a part in her death.

The cult of Bracken: The coven is supposedly in NOLA to integrate witches to their coven but Sophie isn’t interested. She needs her Coven to hold it together long enough to finish what they started; in other words she ain’t buying what they’re selling and she doesn’t appreciate the Salem witches picking at what remains of her Coven either. She can appreciate the fact that they would be able to actually fight back against Marcel and his vampires but should they stop practicing ancestral magic they’d have no need to finish the Harvest and Sophie would lose the few allies she has. 

⤜ Para sample:

(Retained for privacy). 

⤜ Would you like to be considered for another character if not accepted as your primary choice? Kali or Rogan please!

⤜ Have you read the rules?: Yes I have. 

⤜ Anything else? Nope!

#tvd rpg #Sophie Deveraux #Sophie Deveraux RP #Daniella Pineda #Daniella Pineda FC #Accepted

[vampykitty-kun]

Hi! I'm really interested in reading comics/graphic novels about or featuring the Batkids, and you seem like you know about that kind of thing (or at least more than I do, although it's a low bar), so do you think you could give me some suggestions to get started with? Also, I've seen some DC stuff at the library with "Death of the Family" on it but some is Batman and some is Batgirl and I think I saw a Teen Titans one and are they all connected or something? I'm confused. Thanks!

Yes! I do know quite a bit about comicsin the BatFam area, I just unfortunately can’t recommend anythingthat came out in the last 2 years as I’ve not read it. But 1989-2015I can give LOTS of recommendations.

For the most part any title can be astandalone, but titles do unfortunately get wrapped up in companywide events at times. But if you read the GN rather than theindividual comics they try and keep events to their own combo storybooks and character titles to their own.

This is such a huge list that I’mputting it under the cut so you click to read it instead of everyonegetting spammed with a HUGE list of things…

Here is what I’d recommend:

-Jason Todd as Robin II (Later known asRed Hood): It seems as though the majority of Jason writers presentday neglected to actually read his original issues, because they basetheir knowledge and opinion of him on what readers in the 80’sTHOUGHT of him, and unfortunately at the time many people hatedJason. Much of the hate was for a Robin in general as at the timeplenty of people thought Bruce should be on his own. No Batgirl (seethe Killing Joke) and no Robin. So the hate was for the role ingeneral. And then you had Robin fans that hated him just because theydidn’t want anyone trying to replace Dick’s role even though Dick hadmoved on to Nightwing. Jason as Robin issues are Batman #408-428, andNew Teen Titans Vol2 #19-21, 24, 28-31. I’m sure there were issues ofDetective Comics, but I have no idea which. In recent years much ofthese issues are in GNs but some of the issues are not, so you mayhave to look those up individually to read online or buy them instores with older issues. These GN are- Batman: Second Chances(Batman Issues #402-403, 408-416, and Annual #11), Batman Ten NightsOf The Beast (Batman Issues #417-420), DC Comics Classics Library:Batman- A Death In The Family, Hard Cover (Batman Issues #426-429,440-442, New Teen Titans Vol2 #60-61). this edition of “A Death InThe Family” contains both the death of Jason and the introductionof Tim, which was a story focused around Jason. So it’s a 2-for-1deal. There’s also a GN called Batman: The Cult and Jason’s the Robinwith Bruce in that story as well though I’m not sure where to placethat in the chronology.

-Tim as Robin III (Later known as RedRobin): Tim had an excellent run as Robin. He had 3 mini-seriesbefore he had an entire run of his own that spanned 183 main issues,not counting team ups or annuals. All while also appearing in theother Batman, Nightwing, and Batgirl titles. Plenty of issues werecompany wide tie-in issues but the rest were all put into their ownGNs. Robin: A Hero Reborn (Batman #455-457, Robin Mini-series1 #1-5),Robin: Tragedy & Triumph (Detective Comics #618-621, RobinMini-series2 #1-4), Robin Mini-series3: Cry Of the Huntress #1-6 isnot in a GN that I know of, then the rest of his main run in FlyingSolo, Unmasked!, Fresh Blood, To Kill a Bird, Days of Fire andMadness, The Virtual Cell, Wanted, Teenage Wasteland, The BigLeagues, Violent Tendencies, and Search for a Hero.

Likewise…

-Dick as Nightwing in his solo title(Vol2): 153 issues not counting team ups or annuals. Like with Robinmany of these issues are tied in with company wide events, and therest are in their own GNs. I recommend the 2014-present editions asthey have a bit more in them, better paper/graphics, and are wayeasier to find, but they haven’t remade all of them yet. Nightwing:Blüdhaven, Nightwing: Rough Justice, Nightwing: False Starts,Nightwing: Love and Bullets, Nightwing: The Hunt For Oracle are thenew editions. Continuing from there the older editions are:Nightwing: Big Guns, Nightwing: On the Razor’s Edge, Nightwing: YearOne, Nightwing: Mobbed Up, Nightwing: Renegade, Nightwing: Brothersin Blood, Nightwing: Love and War, Nightwing: The Lost Year,Nightwing: Freefall.

-Batman Knightfall: One of the classicBatman stories, in which the main bad is the villain Bane, whoseriously injures Bruce. This story spans three GNs: Broken Bat, WhoRules The Night, and Knightsend

-Batman Cataclysm: Another classic. Amassive earthquake hits Gotham and decimates the city. This can befound in one GN, thought look for what I think is the 2012 edition ofthe book not the one one as they included a lot of previous cut storyin the newer edition.

-Batman No Man’s Land: FollowsCataclysm. Essentially Gotham is covered in rubble and a massiveterritory war breaks out between BatFam, GSPD, and several separategroups of Gotham’s baddies. It spans 4 super thick GNs in the 2012newer edition (don’t bother with the older editions) but also has areally enjoyable novelization if you would prefer to read it inwritten format!

-Batman Hush: Essentially Bruce vs Hushand sometimes Clayface, and a story that unintentionally set up JuddWinick to bring Jason back to life lol…one GN in more recenteditions but was previously 2 smaller GNs. I do not know if there isa difference but generally larger book versions have a bit extra inthem.

-Batman Under the Red Hood: Jasonreturns as the Red Hood, sending Bruce on an emotional rollercoaster, while Joker and Black Mask end up roped in. Lots of peopleinvolved. Like Hush this come in one or two book format. I have thesingle book format. This story was adapted into an animated movie,one that also takes a few moments from “A Death In The Family”,but the beginning part was highly modified to make it a stand alonefilm, so several key details are removed. I do recommend watching themovie, but after reading both “A Death In The Family” and thecomic version of “Under The Red Hood”, so you get the fullexperience.

-Batman War Crimes, War Drums, and WarGames (WG is three GNs long): this connects into both Robin and RedHood. This is unfortunately where Stephanie (Spoiler, brief Robin IV,Batgirl) “dies” and there’s a massive war against Black mask.It’s five GNs total.

I pretty much have to recommend anyBatman Titled GN that comes after that as it goes more into Hush,Damian comes in and there’s a lot of plot to cover there, Bruce“dies” and the mantle is picked up by Dick, and it was a heck ofride until the reboot happened.

Outside of main Batman titles aroundthat time I have to HIGHLY recommend the following:-Batmanand Robin: Basically Dick and Damian’s team-up book series. Itspanned three GN with Morrison, and one after him totaling four. Wealso got more Jason here, and his sorta Batgirl type sidekickSasha/Scarlet. Admittedly it was weird because Morrison thought itwould be fun to give Jason red hair (something the main version ofJason never had, but had in issues for another version of Jason thatwas scrapped before any issues I mentioned in this post) and bulk himup. But if you can gt around that the actual plot on the Jason endwasn’t too bad and had some gems. But the Dick and Damian interactionand banter is the treasure here.

-Batman Streets Of Gotham: Again moreof Dick and Damian as Batman and Robin. But here we get Thomas Elliot(Hush) who surgically had his face changed to look like Bruce, and hefill Bruce’s public role under very close watch. We also get Damian’slittle friend Colin Wilkes (Abuse) who ends up close to him. He turnsinto a giant bulky rage man good guy :)

-Red Robin: Tim’s new solo series thatstarted after Damian took up being Robin and Dick went from Nightwingto being Batman. It’s 4 GNs long and was amazing. I can’t stress thatenough. I still mourn it ending. You get Tim on his own, you get himgoing up against/working with/outsmarting/impressing Ra’s al Ghul.You get Prudence Wood, one of Ra’s assassins that ends up liking andworking with Tim. You get Tam Fox, and Stephanie, and Conner Kent.

-Batgirl Vol3 (Stephanie Brown asBatgirl): Stephanie came back from faking her death, took back upSpoiler, only for Tim to demand she stop being Spoiler. He shouldhave been more specific, and she DOES drop Spoiler but then becomesBatgirl with previous Batgirl’s (Casandra) blessing lol. Spanned 24issues in three GNs but they are hard to find. Obviously there isCasandra’s run as Batgirl but i’ve never actually read it so I findit wrong of me to suggest it before I have so it’s up to you if youwant to hunt those down as well. But Casandra’s run was 73 issuesVol-1 (7 GN) sand 6 issues Vol-2 (which is in a single GN)

-Teen Titans Vol3 (Tim, Conner, Bart,etc) spans twelve GNs and had its ups and downs, but if you’re a teamfan this is a good series to read.

-Catwoman: A few different runs, andsome stand alone books. They’re all good pre-reboot. Read them ifyou’re a Catwoman fan :)

Now as far as books NOT in the main runof pre-reboot comics I also REALLY need to recommend the following:

Batman Year One: Bruce’s first year asBatman. Also Gordon’s first year on the job. One GN. Awesome and alsoadapted into an animated movie.

-Robin Year One & Batgirl Year One:These come in separate books or both in one big book. The Robin inmention is Dick and the Batgirl is Barbara. Both are fantasticstories.

-Huntress Year One: Huntress’ originstory. This is the Huntress that is NOT Bruce’s daughter from anotherEarth, this is the Mob associated one that was also featured in theTV series Arrow.

Superboy / Robin World’s Finest Three:two tiny GNs that tell the story of Tim and Conner’s first meeting.They end up going against Metallo and Poison Ivy.

JLA: World Without Grown-ups: This is astory spanning again two tiny GNs. Where Tim (Robin), Conner(Superboy), and Bart (Impulse, later known as Kid Flash) team up whensuddenly all the adults are in one dimension and all the underagepeople are in another.

Red Hood: The Lost Days: the story ofwhat happened between Jason’s resurrection and when he came back toGotham in Under The Red Hood. It’s one GN.

There are also some alternate universe stories that came out pre-reboot called Elseworld’s stories. Here are some good ones:

Batman:Brotherhood of the Bat: Alternate Universe what-if type story. Thisstory is if Talia had joined Bruce in Gotham and abandoned her fatherRa’s and his ways. The story is centered around their son, TallantWayne. This was an AU created before Damian entered the comics andthus one of many stories where Bruce and Talia’s son had a differentname. Bruce is dead and Tallant has to face his grandfather. This wasone thin GN but did have a sequel…

Batman: League ofBatmen: takes place after the above and spans two GNs to finish thestory.

Thrillkiller Batgirl & Robin: 3 issue AU where Barbara and Dick are the first vigilantes in Gotham in the 1960′s and go up against a FEMALE Joker. Bruce is a legit Detective. Every bit of this story is PAINTED and it’s amazing. It is followed up by a sequel.

Thrillkiller ‘62: Takes place where the above left off. But now Bruce is Batman alongside ‘Batgirl’. I won’t spoil the events of the above to give goo detail here lol.

Superman: Speeding Bullets: AU where Baby Kal-El crashes into Earth, where he is discovered by Thomas and Martha Wayne. The couple decide to adopt Kal-El, and name him Bruce. Fuses the two characters together. Thomas and Martha still die. “Bruce” becomes a flying Batman and later Superman.Batman: The Dark Knight Returns: Pretty much the most popular and longest AU that DC did. Spans 1 thick GN or multiple tiny ones. Not the greatest of art/setup but still good. Think of this as an AU Future Fic taking place after Jason died and Bruce retired instead of Tim coming along. Then he comes out of retirement to be a total badass. I do NOT however recommend any of the sequels or prequels because they are just BAD. This was adapted into TWO animated films which I honestly think I recommend more than the GNs due to the art.Post Reboot we hit the New 52. It had its up and downs. Nothing BatFam was particularly terrible but very little was amazing. personally the first 4-6 volumes of GNs for any given series was worth a read but not necessarily a buy. I read all the BatFam titles and the only ones that were MEH for me were Catwoman and Teen Titans. Red Hood and the Outlaws wasn’t for everyone, but I personally enjoyed it other than some details like Jason suddenly having magic??? and Kori having some personality issues but I was glas she wasn’t ditzy if that makes sense, and I really loved her character design even if I wish she at least had a touch more clothing on (once she was in a space suit and it was amazing). Suicide Squad isn’t technically BatFam but it had Harley in it in the New 52 and it was amazing even if I hated her visual re-design. Talon was a branch off of a Batman story line, and a specific character got his own title that spanned 2 GNs and was enjoyable.

Past that any Gns involving Batman The Animated Series are great, so are the Young Justice GNs.

I also have a huge love for the Batman Beyond show and Comics, but after the reboot they messed that up too.

#BatFam

[rassasassalin]

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Especially for the poor folks that have to work during the holidays.

Dude, I'm gonna cry at the first fucking sign I see tonight being a get well soon Dean one.  I mean, I love it, but also I'm in serious emotional pain here.

On a totally separate note, Corey and Booker are looking Hella.

On an even separater note, what is with the bees sign.

Goddammit John Cena stop doing sweet things like this I want to be annoyed at how you're never going to be a fucking heel even though you should be.

...them doing Christmas in Chicago worries me.  Hopefully the crowd will be nice tonight?

WHOO, ELIAS, WHOO!!! -also happy rusev day to the dude holding that sign, a happy rusev day to us all- I love when he does his drifter thing.  I mean, I like him being in the center of the ring too, but I really like it when he walks and plays at the same time.

Elias: WWE stands for Walk With Elias Everyone else: Oh shit, he's right!

Welp.  7 minutes in.  Couldn't go for fucking 7 minutes with a CM Punk Chant.  ANd poor Elias is wrong.  Even when he's not here, Punk's gonna end up interrupting.

I really love Elias.  I can't believe how much I love Elias and Cena interacting.  Holy shit.  Holy shit.  I can't wait til that gets gifed.  Elias is a Gift. Chicago wasn't even booing about how shitty Chicago is.  Chicago knows.  Cena, nobody was booing, what are you doing- I mean, I know what you're doing, but still.  Cena, It's Chicago, they ARE jerks.

Are we gonna get a Christmas Carol with Elias?  Because I would hella watch an Episode of Raw where Elias is Scrooge and has to deal with various Ghosts of Christmas to teach him the true meaning of Christmas.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD, ELIAS IS THE BEST, WHAT A MAN No, Elias you dumbfuck, don't keep going after Cena, he's down, leave the fucking ring before gets up and kills yo- oh no, not a match, Elias you were doing so good now you're going to loooooooooooose because you're being an asshole and it's Christmas.  Babe, you giant hipster asshole, why couldn't you have just given the suckerpunch and left while you were in control and winning?

Sometimes I forget how strong Elias is.  I don't know how I manage to do that, because look at the fucking man, but I do.  Maybe it's the scarves.  Or the cut of his jeans.  Probably the cut of his jeans.  If he wore normal jeans, I'd think he looks like a brawny lumberjack viking hybrid.  But his jeans are way too much something I'd see someone wearing in Starbucks.

Things I hope Elias doesn't do tonight: Tap.  He can get pinned, he can pass out, but I really don't want him to quit.

Yep, a pin.  Well, you know what, It was a good match.  Elias looked awesome in it, so I'll take it.  A heel, after all, is only as good as the Faces they can be beaten by.  Not counting the David and Goliath kind of flukes, which are great when they happen but not common.

Give Seth Samoa Joe, Kurt.  Jason, shut up, I appreciate you but let Seth have his revenge which is more pressing than your own. Kurt, don't make Seth team with Jason.  He can't team with that face. Fuck, I miss Dean. Seth looks so tired tho, seriously, is he doing okay? Holy shit Roman paid off Kurt so HE could get Joe all to himself.  Roman.  Roman, did you talk to your Shieldmate about thhhhHHHAAAAAAAA CRUISERWEIGHTS

Kendrick!  JACK!  KENDRICK VS HIDEO!!!!! Jack's little eye rolls are adorable.  I love heel Jack.  He's like an old Bond Villain.  I love posh and technically polite but definitely Heel Brits.  It's a cliched trope but it's so good when it's played right.  It reminds me of Regal when I was watching him and I was old enough to really appreciate his character.

Jack please, behave yourself so you don't get killed by a knee.  I'd really appreciate if you stay around because I love you and I don't want you dead.

Things that bother me about wrestling: when wrestlers roll down their kneepads or take off their elbowpads when they're about to hit a move.  I always worry about them hurting themselves when they do it.  Always.  Everytime.

I'm reminded now how much I really liked Steph's outfit last week.  I don't think I even really noticed it at the time, because I was thinking too much about what was happening in the ring, and what was to come, but now definitely, I can sit back and be like, damn, I wish I could pull that look off.

...oooooh nooooo the rumble's in phillllllly shittttt

AW THEY'RE SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE BO AND CURTIS And.... they're actually not that bad at singing???  Wow.  I'd give them some figgy pudding.  Merry Mizmas, everyone, and a Happy Rusev Day~

I love when Paige's entrance is going, and she comes out and the lights hit her just right and she looks like she's tinted purple.  Makes her look like she could be a villainess in a comic book.

You know one day, maybe they'll actually go full circle with the whole story about Bailey not going to be able to really go all out like she should in the ring as far as going "hardcore" goes, and she's going to do it by murdering all the other female wrestlers around, beating them with kendo sticks until she breaks them- the sticks, that is, not the other wrestlers- and knocking them around with chairs and shit, and then she ends up ruling the women's division with an iron hug on ECW- which will totally exist again by this time and Dean will be the face of it so that he can let his mouth go and do the wrestling that he does best but just not quite as hardcore because let's be real I don't want him actually seriously getting hurt and/or cutting himself or his opponents open anymore, but there should be a nice balance that can be reached between nasty looking bumps and staying safe.

Things that always makes me wince with women's wrestling: when a chick just faceplants straight onto the mat.  It makes my tits hurt just thinking about it.

Oh wow, okay, I didn't think a heel would win tonight.  Curious.  But then, Absolution can't really loose right now, fair enough.  It'd kill their momentum.

STOP FUCKING SHOWING DEAN GETTING HURT.  Goddammit WWE why do you do this to me, I used to know that if someone actually got hurt, I'd know because you wouldn't show it.  Now you're like, hey no, let's watch it against thirty-two times, let's watch it again now in Slow Motion.  You did this to me when Enzo nearly died, you did this to me when Cesaro fucked up his teeth, you did it when Seth destroyed Cena's nose, I just really fucking don't appreciate this.

Renee: Hey Joe, you wanna apologize to me for fucking up my husband.

Joe: Dean can be home with those he loves the most. Renee, his actual wife, who is not at home with him at Christmas: ..................

Heath, baby, why didn't you get your kids christmas presents???  Rhyno, why are you trying to kill Heath?  This was not what I was picturing when you said you were going to toughen up Heath.  I was hoping for like, Rocky training montages.  Bring in Bob Backland again.  Maybe making him eat a whole bunch of crackers without anything to drink.  This is ridiculous, and by that, I mean not nearly ridiculous enough.

HELL YEAH RHYNO KICK HIS ASS OH NO RHYNO welp.  It was a good attempt.

Trying to figure out if I like the sound of *Merry* Rusev Day.  Like, it's not grammatically incorrect, but maybe it's like how you never say Merry Holidays because it just sounds wrong.  Merry Hollidays makes me flinch and cringe and want to cry out in confusion.  Merry Rusev Day doesn't kick me in the gut quite like that, but it also doesn't really roll off the tongue, so...  Hmm.  Must think on it.

Holy shit, Curt Hawkins.  Maybe give him a win as a christmas miracle???  Nevermind, It's Finn.

Jesus Christ, why are they having Finn fighting Curt on CHRISTMAS.  They really, honestly, don't know what to do with him, do they?

Concept:  They use the fact that Finn is obviously being misused and that we all know that Vince doesn't believe in him, to turn him heel.  But only heel to those who work for the company.  Like, the same but opposite of Roman, where everyone who works for the company treats him like a face despite when he does very heel things like TRYING TO MURDER A MAN WITH A MOTOR VEHICLE, I LOVE YOU ROMAN BUT YOU STILL DID THAT AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SUFFERED NO CONSEQUENCES FOR THAT, ATTEMPTED MURDER SHOULD AT LEAST GET A TITLE SHOT TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU.  Seriously tho, heels and faces are changing, they have been for a long time now, the fact that they keep making Heels that have valid points and grievances so the fans are actually sympathetic to them, and we have the people in charge to make that sort of stuff work.  It'd just be like, the next step up from what happened in the Attitude Era with Stone Cold and Vince- in that Austin was clearly NOT a GOOD guy, but he was the lesser of two evils, and if I had to choose who to cheer for between him and McMahon, I'd be cheering for the Rattlesnake every time.

One of the Bella's is so making a return during the women's royal rumble and I'm not really excited about it.

BOYS LEAVE GOLDUST ALONE It looks like they got that DVD out of the dollarbin, omg.

Titus, you're beautiful, never change

Oh god, here we go, time for me to love and cry and be uncomfortable and laughing all at the same time.  Nice to know that Sister Abigail was a scrooge. More things I don't really like- how they keep doing promos but they're not going at in or around the ring.  I feel like they're hyping it up and it's never going to live up to OH MY GOD NEVER MIND BRAY'S ACTUALLY HERE, BRAY MY LOVE, MY DARLING SWAMP SANTA CULT LEADER God I hope when Bray and Matt have their showdown- which obviously must happen on neutral grown between their home compounds- they have like, an actual army on both sides that they can lead.  I want a whole hoard of sheepmasks and people wearing clothing made out of brocades and couch covers and shit using shields made of old broken down rowboats. Things I miss from TNA: Matt being able to teleport and shit.

...Guys, I love you, I adore the Bar you set, but that's messed up guys. oh ouch guys, come on, Kurt obviously wants him as his kid, that's harsh, dang.

Oh MAN I HOPE MUSTAFA'S IN THAT STREET FIGHT HE WAS SO FUN DURING THE HALLOWEEN MATCH DUDE.  ALSO, maybe a return of Street Drew?  Pff, ehehe, "street" drew.  What a dweeb.  I love him.

....WHERE IS Oh my god.  Oh my gooooooooooooood....  Drew.. Drew, why do you let him do this to you?  I mean, I like the jacket, it's much nicer than Davari's, but- HE"S GOT NAUGHTY AND NICE ON HIS TAPE AND NOW I ACTUALLY WANT TO CALL HIM SUGARPLUM, dammit Enzo don't make me- LOOK AT DREW APOLOGIZING FOR ENZO TALKING SHIT ABOUT COLE, EVEN THOUGH COLE WAS SO MEAN TO HIM WHEN HE WAS A GUEST COMMENTATOR!!!!!!

New Year, new cruiserweight Champion?  One can only hope.

Elf Drew half standing on the second rope, le gasp.  What a brave bab- TOZAWA'S WEARING CHRISTMAS COLORS

Aw, Gulak lost his jacket. I really do wish that they had Davari wrestle more. I love hating his character, and it feels like I never actually get to see him do shit anymore.OH SHIT DREW, NO!!!!! CEDRIC, I LOVE YOU, BUT WHY DID YOU LET DRWE RUN INTO ENZO LIKE THAT, DREW'S GONNA GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT, STOPPING GETTING DREW IN TROUBLE, HE CAN GET INTO ENOUGH OF THAT BY HIMSELF. That camera work was honestly not great during this match tho, honestly, I feel like I missed so much during it???  But we can ignore all that and be thankful for being able to see Drew Gulak with his naughty and nice fists, and getting to see Tozawa being festive, and Cedric getting a win over Enzo, and most importantly, Mustafa getting a win in his hometown.  Savor it, because that shit doesn't happen every day in the WWE.

Why do they gotta fucking hamfist this fucking shit with Nia and Enzo?  Why couldn't they like, ease into it?  I can't.  I literally can't even watch this shit, I can't, I'm embarrassed by it all OH THANK GOD ALEXA, BEST COCKBLOCK thank you from saving from that.  I think I wouldn't hate it quite so much if they didn't both "How y'doin'?" to each other so much, there's something about how it clearly doesn't come easy to her to say it and it the script is so hokey and it's not like, charming hokey.  It's less well written than the stuff they did between Enzo and Lana, and that's saying something.

Roman kills me when he holds the belt like that.  If he was an actual heel, and treated like a heel, and he was doing it because he doesn't give a shit about the title, then that'd be fine.  That'd be good character work.

Nice drive by by Roman tho.  That's good shit.  That's what I came to see. Also, i could totally be wrong, absolutely wrong here because I don't have the volume up very high, but was the crowd chanting for the Bruiserweight?  I might just have UK Wrestling on my mind and am hearing things wrong.  God, I want a weekly UK show.  Even a monthly one.  I'd put up with once a month as long as at least every three months, I get to see Dunne and Bates fight. Joe does such a great Uranage.  And the way he flies through the ropes.  Who gave such a hoss of a man the right to be so nimble? Yes, thank you Book, nine months without Dean, that's fucking great.  On the plus side, when he comes back, oh the Pop.  He's gonna get such a pop.

Ah yes, see?  Roman doing heel things despite being a Face.  You can't go messing with the ref's, my sweet.  If he was just going to go and kill Joe, he might as well have invited Seth to join in with him. SHUT UP COREY DEAN'S CAREER IS FINE They've been using the steel steps a lot lately.  And fucking with people's throats.  Does somebody on the writing team have an odd kink?  I mean, I'm not super complaining- well, I'll complain about the throat things just because I feel like it's too easy for mess up and really seriously hurt someone like that, and also because the coughing gagging noises the guys tend to make afterward sets off my own gag reflex and I hate that-, because it could definitely be worse.  It's not a something on a Pole match, at least, but... eh.

Beating the Bah, Seth? What a cute.   YOU WHAT MOTHERFUCKER????  JASON OFFICIALLY HEEL, OFFICIAL HEEL Also glad to see, upon closer inspection, that Seth doesn't actually look totally exhausted, it's just that he has a bit of a lingering bruise around the eye.  Maybe a bit of a shiner.

Welcome Back, Bo and Curtis, you lovely gifts you.  WHOO!  Singalong~ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BABIES THEY AIN'T BEEN DOING NOTHING BUT SINGING NICE CAROLS AND GIVING OUT GIFTS TONIGHT Rip, Bo, you were killed by a beautiful clothesline. Curtis is going to break his neck again, gonna have to go back to wearing the brace. Okay Braun, you won, no please just leave the ring and not continue to murder my boys, don't be a grinch, don't be a grINCH BRAUN PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO THE CROWD, DAMMIT just leave my trash boys lay there dead, you're making this a very bad Rusev Day for them.

Bliss looks like she's gonna cry, awwww... Ah, yes, there it is, there's my Asuka's Gonna Kill You chant.  Love that chant.  Probably more than I should. YES!  YES!!!!!  I always want Asuka to kick people in the face after she explains to them that they ain't ready for her, and HERE WE ARE!  She made me wait for it, but I forgive her.

I give about as much of a fuck about what Brock feels about anything as Brock gives a fuck about Slater's kids. But I'll look forward to seeing Paul

STOP.  FUCKING.  SHOWING.  THAT.  SHIT.  WITH.  DEAN.  THANK.  YOU.  KINDLY.

So, it's not that I have a problem with Jordan turning heel.  It's pretty much the clear turn, you know.  But I don't like how there doesn't seem to be a reason... why?  Like he went from "I'm gonna prove myself Dad!" and going toe to toe with some hella talent, to "Daaaaaaaaad, gimme a maaaaatch...!" to "I'm the best in the world, you should be honored to get to wrestle with me" with like...  Well, between the first two there was a reason-ish, with him trying to fight even though he was hurt and because he kept losing and kept getting hurt he had to start whining to get his way.  But there was no lead up to this point now.  We haven't got to see anyone telling him how good he is, inflating his ego- like, a female who maybe wanted to get better chances at the belt so she starts hooking up with Jordan to try and get good with Kurt or get back at him, like Emma had threatened that one time, that would be something that makes sense- or him getting some cheap fluke wins that he makes out to mean more than they are and he starts to think he's an A superstar instead of a C+ to B one, you know?  Now he's all swaggering around talking about how he's better than Ambrose?  Who was just hurt last week?  To the man's tag team partner who is also his brother?  Are you shiting me???  It all feels so inorganic.

I hate when Sheamus doesn't do all ten beats.  Like, I know so many other people are ingrates, but I've always adored you Sheamus, why are you punishing *me*, personally?  Because that's what that is.  It's a personal attack against myself.

Crowd's looking at something, what are they- Ah, yes, Jordan got up, okay. Jordan is definitely physically impressive.  I'm looking forward to the point in time when they make his character less obnoxious.

Fuck me, I love when Cesaro does the sharpshooter.

I...  um.......... So what I'm getting out of this is.... When Deano comes back, he's going to come back as a well beloved, Austin-like Heel as he makes Jason Jordan's life a living hell for having the balls to take his title?  This is... interesting?  hmmm....

#wwe raw #monday night raw #sassin about rasslin #merry mizmas to all and to all a swell rusev night #that was super lame i apologize