rassasassalin

[rassasassalin]

So, watching Wrestle Kingdom and New Year's Bash, a thought entered my mind that just wouldn't go away, and I'm honestly kind of amused by it so l figured I might as well write it out now so l can look back later on and have a giggle at myself.

Bullet Club doesn't just sell merch at Hot Topic, but they're kind of exactly the kind of dudes that would have ended up hanging out there during like HighSchool. The kind of guys that are normally kind of fin to hang around with but can also be a bit loud and obnoxious and also kind of tryhards. Like, they're great- usually- when you're a part of their clique, but you'll probably only be able to handle them in small doses if you're a neutral party, and they're utterly insufferable if you're not a fan.

LIJ, on the other hand, are like the folks that you'd find hanging out at Spencer's. They might be a bit foul mouthed, and their sense of humor might be a bit off kilter and off color, and they might very will be a bunch of miscreants. A group of incorrigibles, even. But they're also the cool guys that you Want to hang out with because, I mean... They got Lavalamps, dude. And how fucking sweet are Lavalamps? No one who chills in a place, or owns at least one of those can really be all that bad, at the end of the day.

#wrasslin thoughts

[rassasassalin]

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Especially for the poor folks that have to work during the holidays.

Dude, I'm gonna cry at the first fucking sign I see tonight being a get well soon Dean one.  I mean, I love it, but also I'm in serious emotional pain here.

On a totally separate note, Corey and Booker are looking Hella.

On an even separater note, what is with the bees sign.

Goddammit John Cena stop doing sweet things like this I want to be annoyed at how you're never going to be a fucking heel even though you should be.

...them doing Christmas in Chicago worries me.  Hopefully the crowd will be nice tonight?

WHOO, ELIAS, WHOO!!! -also happy rusev day to the dude holding that sign, a happy rusev day to us all- I love when he does his drifter thing.  I mean, I like him being in the center of the ring too, but I really like it when he walks and plays at the same time.

Elias: WWE stands for Walk With Elias Everyone else: Oh shit, he's right!

Welp.  7 minutes in.  Couldn't go for fucking 7 minutes with a CM Punk Chant.  ANd poor Elias is wrong.  Even when he's not here, Punk's gonna end up interrupting.

I really love Elias.  I can't believe how much I love Elias and Cena interacting.  Holy shit.  Holy shit.  I can't wait til that gets gifed.  Elias is a Gift. Chicago wasn't even booing about how shitty Chicago is.  Chicago knows.  Cena, nobody was booing, what are you doing- I mean, I know what you're doing, but still.  Cena, It's Chicago, they ARE jerks.

Are we gonna get a Christmas Carol with Elias?  Because I would hella watch an Episode of Raw where Elias is Scrooge and has to deal with various Ghosts of Christmas to teach him the true meaning of Christmas.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD, ELIAS IS THE BEST, WHAT A MAN No, Elias you dumbfuck, don't keep going after Cena, he's down, leave the fucking ring before gets up and kills yo- oh no, not a match, Elias you were doing so good now you're going to loooooooooooose because you're being an asshole and it's Christmas.  Babe, you giant hipster asshole, why couldn't you have just given the suckerpunch and left while you were in control and winning?

Sometimes I forget how strong Elias is.  I don't know how I manage to do that, because look at the fucking man, but I do.  Maybe it's the scarves.  Or the cut of his jeans.  Probably the cut of his jeans.  If he wore normal jeans, I'd think he looks like a brawny lumberjack viking hybrid.  But his jeans are way too much something I'd see someone wearing in Starbucks.

Things I hope Elias doesn't do tonight: Tap.  He can get pinned, he can pass out, but I really don't want him to quit.

Yep, a pin.  Well, you know what, It was a good match.  Elias looked awesome in it, so I'll take it.  A heel, after all, is only as good as the Faces they can be beaten by.  Not counting the David and Goliath kind of flukes, which are great when they happen but not common.

Give Seth Samoa Joe, Kurt.  Jason, shut up, I appreciate you but let Seth have his revenge which is more pressing than your own. Kurt, don't make Seth team with Jason.  He can't team with that face. Fuck, I miss Dean. Seth looks so tired tho, seriously, is he doing okay? Holy shit Roman paid off Kurt so HE could get Joe all to himself.  Roman.  Roman, did you talk to your Shieldmate about thhhhHHHAAAAAAAA CRUISERWEIGHTS

Kendrick!  JACK!  KENDRICK VS HIDEO!!!!! Jack's little eye rolls are adorable.  I love heel Jack.  He's like an old Bond Villain.  I love posh and technically polite but definitely Heel Brits.  It's a cliched trope but it's so good when it's played right.  It reminds me of Regal when I was watching him and I was old enough to really appreciate his character.

Jack please, behave yourself so you don't get killed by a knee.  I'd really appreciate if you stay around because I love you and I don't want you dead.

Things that bother me about wrestling: when wrestlers roll down their kneepads or take off their elbowpads when they're about to hit a move.  I always worry about them hurting themselves when they do it.  Always.  Everytime.

I'm reminded now how much I really liked Steph's outfit last week.  I don't think I even really noticed it at the time, because I was thinking too much about what was happening in the ring, and what was to come, but now definitely, I can sit back and be like, damn, I wish I could pull that look off.

...oooooh nooooo the rumble's in phillllllly shittttt

AW THEY'RE SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE BO AND CURTIS And.... they're actually not that bad at singing???  Wow.  I'd give them some figgy pudding.  Merry Mizmas, everyone, and a Happy Rusev Day~

I love when Paige's entrance is going, and she comes out and the lights hit her just right and she looks like she's tinted purple.  Makes her look like she could be a villainess in a comic book.

You know one day, maybe they'll actually go full circle with the whole story about Bailey not going to be able to really go all out like she should in the ring as far as going "hardcore" goes, and she's going to do it by murdering all the other female wrestlers around, beating them with kendo sticks until she breaks them- the sticks, that is, not the other wrestlers- and knocking them around with chairs and shit, and then she ends up ruling the women's division with an iron hug on ECW- which will totally exist again by this time and Dean will be the face of it so that he can let his mouth go and do the wrestling that he does best but just not quite as hardcore because let's be real I don't want him actually seriously getting hurt and/or cutting himself or his opponents open anymore, but there should be a nice balance that can be reached between nasty looking bumps and staying safe.

Things that always makes me wince with women's wrestling: when a chick just faceplants straight onto the mat.  It makes my tits hurt just thinking about it.

Oh wow, okay, I didn't think a heel would win tonight.  Curious.  But then, Absolution can't really loose right now, fair enough.  It'd kill their momentum.

STOP FUCKING SHOWING DEAN GETTING HURT.  Goddammit WWE why do you do this to me, I used to know that if someone actually got hurt, I'd know because you wouldn't show it.  Now you're like, hey no, let's watch it against thirty-two times, let's watch it again now in Slow Motion.  You did this to me when Enzo nearly died, you did this to me when Cesaro fucked up his teeth, you did it when Seth destroyed Cena's nose, I just really fucking don't appreciate this.

Renee: Hey Joe, you wanna apologize to me for fucking up my husband.

Joe: Dean can be home with those he loves the most. Renee, his actual wife, who is not at home with him at Christmas: ..................

Heath, baby, why didn't you get your kids christmas presents???  Rhyno, why are you trying to kill Heath?  This was not what I was picturing when you said you were going to toughen up Heath.  I was hoping for like, Rocky training montages.  Bring in Bob Backland again.  Maybe making him eat a whole bunch of crackers without anything to drink.  This is ridiculous, and by that, I mean not nearly ridiculous enough.

HELL YEAH RHYNO KICK HIS ASS OH NO RHYNO welp.  It was a good attempt.

Trying to figure out if I like the sound of *Merry* Rusev Day.  Like, it's not grammatically incorrect, but maybe it's like how you never say Merry Holidays because it just sounds wrong.  Merry Hollidays makes me flinch and cringe and want to cry out in confusion.  Merry Rusev Day doesn't kick me in the gut quite like that, but it also doesn't really roll off the tongue, so...  Hmm.  Must think on it.

Holy shit, Curt Hawkins.  Maybe give him a win as a christmas miracle???  Nevermind, It's Finn.

Jesus Christ, why are they having Finn fighting Curt on CHRISTMAS.  They really, honestly, don't know what to do with him, do they?

Concept:  They use the fact that Finn is obviously being misused and that we all know that Vince doesn't believe in him, to turn him heel.  But only heel to those who work for the company.  Like, the same but opposite of Roman, where everyone who works for the company treats him like a face despite when he does very heel things like TRYING TO MURDER A MAN WITH A MOTOR VEHICLE, I LOVE YOU ROMAN BUT YOU STILL DID THAT AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SUFFERED NO CONSEQUENCES FOR THAT, ATTEMPTED MURDER SHOULD AT LEAST GET A TITLE SHOT TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU.  Seriously tho, heels and faces are changing, they have been for a long time now, the fact that they keep making Heels that have valid points and grievances so the fans are actually sympathetic to them, and we have the people in charge to make that sort of stuff work.  It'd just be like, the next step up from what happened in the Attitude Era with Stone Cold and Vince- in that Austin was clearly NOT a GOOD guy, but he was the lesser of two evils, and if I had to choose who to cheer for between him and McMahon, I'd be cheering for the Rattlesnake every time.

One of the Bella's is so making a return during the women's royal rumble and I'm not really excited about it.

BOYS LEAVE GOLDUST ALONE It looks like they got that DVD out of the dollarbin, omg.

Titus, you're beautiful, never change

Oh god, here we go, time for me to love and cry and be uncomfortable and laughing all at the same time.  Nice to know that Sister Abigail was a scrooge. More things I don't really like- how they keep doing promos but they're not going at in or around the ring.  I feel like they're hyping it up and it's never going to live up to OH MY GOD NEVER MIND BRAY'S ACTUALLY HERE, BRAY MY LOVE, MY DARLING SWAMP SANTA CULT LEADER God I hope when Bray and Matt have their showdown- which obviously must happen on neutral grown between their home compounds- they have like, an actual army on both sides that they can lead.  I want a whole hoard of sheepmasks and people wearing clothing made out of brocades and couch covers and shit using shields made of old broken down rowboats. Things I miss from TNA: Matt being able to teleport and shit.

...Guys, I love you, I adore the Bar you set, but that's messed up guys. oh ouch guys, come on, Kurt obviously wants him as his kid, that's harsh, dang.

Oh MAN I HOPE MUSTAFA'S IN THAT STREET FIGHT HE WAS SO FUN DURING THE HALLOWEEN MATCH DUDE.  ALSO, maybe a return of Street Drew?  Pff, ehehe, "street" drew.  What a dweeb.  I love him.

....WHERE IS Oh my god.  Oh my gooooooooooooood....  Drew.. Drew, why do you let him do this to you?  I mean, I like the jacket, it's much nicer than Davari's, but- HE"S GOT NAUGHTY AND NICE ON HIS TAPE AND NOW I ACTUALLY WANT TO CALL HIM SUGARPLUM, dammit Enzo don't make me- LOOK AT DREW APOLOGIZING FOR ENZO TALKING SHIT ABOUT COLE, EVEN THOUGH COLE WAS SO MEAN TO HIM WHEN HE WAS A GUEST COMMENTATOR!!!!!!

New Year, new cruiserweight Champion?  One can only hope.

Elf Drew half standing on the second rope, le gasp.  What a brave bab- TOZAWA'S WEARING CHRISTMAS COLORS

Aw, Gulak lost his jacket. I really do wish that they had Davari wrestle more. I love hating his character, and it feels like I never actually get to see him do shit anymore.OH SHIT DREW, NO!!!!! CEDRIC, I LOVE YOU, BUT WHY DID YOU LET DRWE RUN INTO ENZO LIKE THAT, DREW'S GONNA GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT, STOPPING GETTING DREW IN TROUBLE, HE CAN GET INTO ENOUGH OF THAT BY HIMSELF. That camera work was honestly not great during this match tho, honestly, I feel like I missed so much during it???  But we can ignore all that and be thankful for being able to see Drew Gulak with his naughty and nice fists, and getting to see Tozawa being festive, and Cedric getting a win over Enzo, and most importantly, Mustafa getting a win in his hometown.  Savor it, because that shit doesn't happen every day in the WWE.

Why do they gotta fucking hamfist this fucking shit with Nia and Enzo?  Why couldn't they like, ease into it?  I can't.  I literally can't even watch this shit, I can't, I'm embarrassed by it all OH THANK GOD ALEXA, BEST COCKBLOCK thank you from saving from that.  I think I wouldn't hate it quite so much if they didn't both "How y'doin'?" to each other so much, there's something about how it clearly doesn't come easy to her to say it and it the script is so hokey and it's not like, charming hokey.  It's less well written than the stuff they did between Enzo and Lana, and that's saying something.

Roman kills me when he holds the belt like that.  If he was an actual heel, and treated like a heel, and he was doing it because he doesn't give a shit about the title, then that'd be fine.  That'd be good character work.

Nice drive by by Roman tho.  That's good shit.  That's what I came to see. Also, i could totally be wrong, absolutely wrong here because I don't have the volume up very high, but was the crowd chanting for the Bruiserweight?  I might just have UK Wrestling on my mind and am hearing things wrong.  God, I want a weekly UK show.  Even a monthly one.  I'd put up with once a month as long as at least every three months, I get to see Dunne and Bates fight. Joe does such a great Uranage.  And the way he flies through the ropes.  Who gave such a hoss of a man the right to be so nimble? Yes, thank you Book, nine months without Dean, that's fucking great.  On the plus side, when he comes back, oh the Pop.  He's gonna get such a pop.

Ah yes, see?  Roman doing heel things despite being a Face.  You can't go messing with the ref's, my sweet.  If he was just going to go and kill Joe, he might as well have invited Seth to join in with him. SHUT UP COREY DEAN'S CAREER IS FINE They've been using the steel steps a lot lately.  And fucking with people's throats.  Does somebody on the writing team have an odd kink?  I mean, I'm not super complaining- well, I'll complain about the throat things just because I feel like it's too easy for mess up and really seriously hurt someone like that, and also because the coughing gagging noises the guys tend to make afterward sets off my own gag reflex and I hate that-, because it could definitely be worse.  It's not a something on a Pole match, at least, but... eh.

Beating the Bah, Seth? What a cute.   YOU WHAT MOTHERFUCKER????  JASON OFFICIALLY HEEL, OFFICIAL HEEL Also glad to see, upon closer inspection, that Seth doesn't actually look totally exhausted, it's just that he has a bit of a lingering bruise around the eye.  Maybe a bit of a shiner.

Welcome Back, Bo and Curtis, you lovely gifts you.  WHOO!  Singalong~ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BABIES THEY AIN'T BEEN DOING NOTHING BUT SINGING NICE CAROLS AND GIVING OUT GIFTS TONIGHT Rip, Bo, you were killed by a beautiful clothesline. Curtis is going to break his neck again, gonna have to go back to wearing the brace. Okay Braun, you won, no please just leave the ring and not continue to murder my boys, don't be a grinch, don't be a grINCH BRAUN PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO THE CROWD, DAMMIT just leave my trash boys lay there dead, you're making this a very bad Rusev Day for them.

Bliss looks like she's gonna cry, awwww... Ah, yes, there it is, there's my Asuka's Gonna Kill You chant.  Love that chant.  Probably more than I should. YES!  YES!!!!!  I always want Asuka to kick people in the face after she explains to them that they ain't ready for her, and HERE WE ARE!  She made me wait for it, but I forgive her.

I give about as much of a fuck about what Brock feels about anything as Brock gives a fuck about Slater's kids. But I'll look forward to seeing Paul

STOP.  FUCKING.  SHOWING.  THAT.  SHIT.  WITH.  DEAN.  THANK.  YOU.  KINDLY.

So, it's not that I have a problem with Jordan turning heel.  It's pretty much the clear turn, you know.  But I don't like how there doesn't seem to be a reason... why?  Like he went from "I'm gonna prove myself Dad!" and going toe to toe with some hella talent, to "Daaaaaaaaad, gimme a maaaaatch...!" to "I'm the best in the world, you should be honored to get to wrestle with me" with like...  Well, between the first two there was a reason-ish, with him trying to fight even though he was hurt and because he kept losing and kept getting hurt he had to start whining to get his way.  But there was no lead up to this point now.  We haven't got to see anyone telling him how good he is, inflating his ego- like, a female who maybe wanted to get better chances at the belt so she starts hooking up with Jordan to try and get good with Kurt or get back at him, like Emma had threatened that one time, that would be something that makes sense- or him getting some cheap fluke wins that he makes out to mean more than they are and he starts to think he's an A superstar instead of a C+ to B one, you know?  Now he's all swaggering around talking about how he's better than Ambrose?  Who was just hurt last week?  To the man's tag team partner who is also his brother?  Are you shiting me???  It all feels so inorganic.

I hate when Sheamus doesn't do all ten beats.  Like, I know so many other people are ingrates, but I've always adored you Sheamus, why are you punishing *me*, personally?  Because that's what that is.  It's a personal attack against myself.

Crowd's looking at something, what are they- Ah, yes, Jordan got up, okay. Jordan is definitely physically impressive.  I'm looking forward to the point in time when they make his character less obnoxious.

Fuck me, I love when Cesaro does the sharpshooter.

I...  um.......... So what I'm getting out of this is.... When Deano comes back, he's going to come back as a well beloved, Austin-like Heel as he makes Jason Jordan's life a living hell for having the balls to take his title?  This is... interesting?  hmmm....

#wwe raw #monday night raw #sassin about rasslin #merry mizmas to all and to all a swell rusev night #that was super lame i apologize

[rassasassalin]

Yay!  Jack and Brian!  Huzzah!  It feels like it's been forever since I've seen them.  I know that it hasn't been, but honestly just going a couple of days without seeing Gallagher in a match feels like years.

Man, I love Grand Metalik, but like, that was some weird shit happened to my feed, it went all odd Matrix-y speed.  It was cool watching him go super fast and then in dramatic slow motion, but I don't think that was supposed to happen. Yep, slowmotion superkick.  Cool shit.  Annnnnd my app just crashed.  Mmkay, restart that real quick then.  Just in time to come back to Jack trying to destroy Metalik's ankle. That was a pretty nice hold that Brian had GM in.  Only leaving one arm to try and drag himself with and to try and get a tag or hold onto the ropes???  Good stuff.  Smart stuff.  GODDAMM IT APP JUST LET ME WATCH MY CRUISERWEIGHTS YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND I LOVE MY BOYS JUST LET ME LIVE. Great, I missed Kalisto being mocked by Jack.  Thanks Vince, whom I'm always going to blame whenever technical difficulties happen in shows that I like but that Vince clearly doesn't think as hightly of even though he should because Cruiserweights are fucking money but no, why pay attention to them when he could try and remake the XFL- Oh hey Jack's back in, yay~ I love when Jack looks dazed and confused, it's great. Things I also love- when heels don't care about wins and losses so long as they get to utterly destroy their opponents.  This is the kind of stuff that always gets me invested and concerened which is, you  know, actually great.  I love that.  When you have people in the crowds begging you to stop. Knew thing that I didn't know I loved but now I do- Jack Gallagher taking off his tie. ...The fuck just happened there with Kalisto???  Did someone just toss water at him?  That's fucked up.

Um... Ariya wasn't even there yesterday to- DREW DON'T YOU TAKE THE FALL FOR THIS, YOU TRIED YOUR BEST. ...where's tony tho?  seriously? Drew, you're too fucking good for Enzo.  And I CAN'T BELEIVE THAT ENZO JUST SEWED THOSE FUCKING SEEDS NOW DREW'S GONNA BE TAKEN OUT BY DAVARI TO PROVE HE'S THE BETTER CULT I MEAN CLUB MEMEBER I DON'T LIKE THIS.

Hey hey hey HIDEO~  Who's he fighting???  Who's getting sacrificed tonight???  OH!!! DELANEY!!!  Noice.  Good stuff.  Sorry for the pain you're about to go through babe. And good night to you, Delaney.

Kind of annoyed, though.  Feels like Hideo's debut should have been a bigger thing, but like, since he came out yesterday, and he came out fighting besides Finn, this feels... ordinairy?  It's not bad, it's just not what I was hoping for.

Fantastic, sure, fine, just show this bullshit again and break my heart once more, this is fine, this is FINE.  I don't mind having my emotions stomped all over, especially when you're not letting Drew like, fucking respond to this shit.  It's fine. It's great.

I do love me some serious Gulak....  But my heart...

Drew, no one fucking says that.  Clipart Jfc Drew your face I love you, what is happening.  That face you made after calling Enzo your best friend and he tried and tell you to chill, how fucking intense you're being about an imaginary train. Man, Drew's being savage as fuck and I love it.  I mean, I also love Cedric, I'm rooting for him against Enzo, but like, you know, Drew's my favorite.  Which is something to say because Jack Gallagher also exists on this show, so... Will the crowd just shut up for a bit and appreciate what's going on in the ring, please and thank you??? OH, okay Vic, is that how we're going to play what happened, that the week before was Drew going all in on being evil toady to Enzo????  I mean, yeah, okay, yes, that's true, but also I don't want it to be so shut up??? Yes thank you person in the crowd, Enzo should shut up. One thing you gotta give Enzo, he is a character, and he does have a fantastically expressive faaaAAAACE THAT SPINNING DISCUS CHRIST THAT WAS GORGEOUS AND VERY SWEET DOING NOAM'S MOVE~  I'm going to cry.  I'm going to need to change my underwear because it was fucking hot but also I'm very emotionally moved SERIOUSLY I LOVE WHEN DREW GOES AND TURNS IN THE BOSTON CRAB IT'S BEAUTIFUL DREW NO!  DREW DON'T!  BABY YOU KNOW BETTER!!!! see?  This is why we don't go up on the ropes sweetheart. Pfff, like Enzo is actually gonna get in that ring and fight- yeah yeah that's what I though- OH MY GOD DREW WAS GETTING BACK INTO THE RING TO HELP DAVARI DREW YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THEM!!!!!

#205 live #sassin about rasslin #things i am disappointed about: no closure for the tony thing #and no rockstar spud #i'm so angry there wasn't any spuds in my wrestling tonight #but i did get to see super intense drew #and my villainess gentleman so... #alls well that ends well

[rassasassalin]

I like that we're starting out Smackdown talking about the Women's Rumble, but I am slightly worried, considering the last time we had a turning point for women's wrestling in the WWE, that the last "woman" to come in will be Santino Marella in drag again and 'Santina' will end up winning the whole thing.  Like, listen, I understand what they did with Ellesworth, and as far as heelworking goes, it was brilliant, that was legit, real heat for Ellesworth and Carmella.  But the timing was so fucking bad.  And then before that, it was the women's hell in a cell and that was... well it wasn't Awful but it wasn't super great either.

I'm feeling slightly awkward about Daniel and Shane having it out right now.  It feels like when the Folks are trying to not have an arguement because their kiddos are in the same room but they're also not going to let the subject that could start an argument drop because that would mean the other would win by default and they refuse. I know people think this'll be the start of a heel turn for Daniel, but honestly, this might be a heel Shane turn.  I mean, we all know that modern WWE, every McMahon, no matter what they do, are at their core, a heel.  Then again, they might be doing that really weird thing where everyone in the company- outside of like, Corey- treat the obvious Face as a Heel despite the fact that the fan's, the fan's friends and family, and like Sasquatches living in the wilds of Washington State know that the "heel" is actually totally in the right and are the true good guy in the scenario. DANIEL KNOW DON'T TELL HIM TO FIRE YOU HE'S A MCMAHON HE'LL FUCKING DO IT jesus wept ouch daniel that's painful crowd please stop with the who's you're daddy quote gulak wouldn't approve.

...Don't trust that.  Shane's a McMahon, they don't let people get one over on them like that, this is going to end in tears.

Heeeeeey there Usos.  Everyone's going shirtless now.  The Twins, Baron...  I'm alright with this. Dig the Usos, but tbh, I'm actually rooting for Chad and Sheldon.. uh... Chaldon?  Gabejamin?  Their names don't really go together easily but I'll forgive them for that. Fucking beautiful, I love these boys, Benjamin is the fucking best, I'm so exicted to see them doing well.

Oooh, a Dolph celebration.  While Dolph's going through his partypooper no fun phase.  Wow.  So excited.

...Okay, that was a damn good package about the Lady's Rumble, yeah, I'm with you Charlotte, I legit have chills.  I'm still worried, but I'm also Hopeful. Still half suspecting Charlotte to go "But congratulations the most to ME, Who made all of this Possible by being AMAZING and PERFECT in all ways haha I'm still a baddy at heart because I'm best heel"  I mean, I know she won't because there are barely any Faces in the SD women's division, but still. Aw nice, using that numbers game AGAINST the Riot(t?) Squad.  More people you have in your group, the more likely you are to get in someone else's way

NEW DAY I LOVE YOU. ..............OH MY GOD, IT'S RUSEV AND AIDEN!!!  I HAD NO IDEA, THEIR DISGUISES ARE SO GOOD. Could they have a merch off?  No, but seriously, two of the best merch sellers in the WWE.  And could you imagine what it would do for their sales numbers, if people knew that actually buying shirts and cereal and stuffies and what have you.  And if they're open and upfront about it, then it comes off as more charming than, you know, a heartless attempt at just getting more money.  It's a win all around. ...but please let Rusev and Aiden come out to fight still dressed up and let them assure the crowd that it is in fact them underneath their costumes becauase that's like one of my favorite wrestling tropes when the crowd gets to act SUPER AMAZINGLY MINDBLOWINGLY SURPRISED when someone gets unmasked and such.

PLEASE, CROWDS, START SINGING ZIGGLER'S THEME ANYWAY. Although, now that I think about it, outside of I'm Here To Show The World, I... yeah, I don't know it either when I don't hear it. ...Is Dolph wearing a dress shirt with little pink flamingos all over it???????????  What is???  Dolph, how am I supposed to take your serious heel promo seriously when Flamingos????????????????????  Dolph please, please, help me help you I can't even pay attention to what you're saying I'm only hearing like every three words or so becauase fucking Flamingos.  Do they symbolize something???  Are you trying to tell us something Dolph??????  How do you even buy a dress shirt with tiny pink flamingos printed on it?  Where does one go to buy that???????   Yes I know you've got all these accolades I know dude, but F L A M I N G O S.  Awwww, Simon.  AND FLAMINGO PINK SHORTS. Oooooooh Shitttttt, Dolph, don't mention succesful MitB cash ins, that's a bad idea, and I don't think your flamingos will be a proper sheild against an angry Baron HOLY SHIT THEY SHOWED AJ LEE AGAIN ON LIVE TV!!!!!!  FOR LIKE A SECOND BUT SHE WAS THERE. THE FUCKING FLAMINGOS I'M DYING, I"M SORRY BUT I JUST CAN"T GET OVER THEM "...You don't deserve this title"??? and then pull a Punk? Dolph, what are you doing, what are you going to do to that belt???? ...What?  He's just going to- is this Dolph retiring?  They won't even let him go out on a match?????????  The Shit Is This???????  That can't be it.  No, honestly, that'd be super fucked up, I'm not the biggest Dolph fan but I appreciate what he's done for the company and he should go out passing the torch to someone else, like Sami or Tye or someone, you know???  Fuck, I don't like that.  I can't believe I'm saying this but I'd rather he'd have spit or stompped or something on on the belt.  I feel very unsettled and confused and I don't like it.

And the WWE's gonna pull a Disney here.  You know, putting on a goofy match after that bullshit isn't going to make me forget the trauma that you just put me through, you're just going to make me feel more emotionally confused.

John Cena is officially Santa now, mmkay.

Excuse me mister announcer, I think you mean Santa and Frosty. So goofy costumes is making me think about Breezango, who are nowhere to be seen, so I guess I'm just to assume that they've been officially murdered and are dead noooooooooo AIDEN WHAT IS THE BACK OF YOUR COSTUME WHY DOES IT HAVE A SEXY PEEPHOLE ALSO COREY WOW DUDE TOO SOON CAN WE NOT ABOUT MY MONGO I like how they did the rusev day chant to New Day Rocks that makes me happy. Pfffft. Rusev taking back his undies.  Pfffffft. Seriously Rusev is so great, he deserves the world. Pfffffff pancakes of positivity. Actually, pancakes sound amazing, but I don't have any syrup in the house right now.  I suppose I could make them pre-sweetened...  Hmmm... So just so it's on the record, I love Xavier's boots.  I love his little elf boots they're great, so good have always been the greatest. YES AIDEN, SHOW THEM WHAT DAY IT IS HELL YES KILL THAT TABLE! OH WAIT NO!!!!!!!!  NOT THE PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! more of a coolwhip gal myself too. i know it's not real cream but like, you know, just kinda tastes better to me. I love how Dramatic Xavier is.  And how Dramatic Aiden is. ...Jesus Xavier, don't- that was gross, let's not ever do THAT again please, oh god.

Still weirded out by the WWF commercials.  I don't think I'll ever not be weirded out by the WWF commercials.

You know what I'm looking forward to???  The point in time where technology has advanced enough that we can get 360 degree cameras at wrestling avents so that I can choose where I want to look.  I know it'll be even more death to Kayfabe, but like, I wanna see wrestlers dancing to other wrestler's themes.  And also be sometimes it feels like a lot of the time the camera work isn't fucking great and at least if I miss important stuff it'll be because of my own inabilities and not because of someone else.

Awww, I was hoping AJ and Shinsuke were going to take out my darling Singh bros, whom I love, but would also kind of love watching them get beaten the fuck up. Sami you can't say you weren't doing anything with his hair when you bring up your hand and you still have Shin's hair on your fingers. Yes, Nakamura messed with Sami's chesthair but at least he didn't tweak a nipple or something, right?  Right.  Gotta look at the brightside guys. JESUS CHRIST POOR SAMI THAT HURT *ME* IS YOUR PELVIS OKAY, PLEASE DON'T PUKE THAT'LL SET ME OFF HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY, we're three commercials in and I'm still not over it was that planned was that supposed to happen??? that must have knocked the air outta him if nothing else but christ I'm seriously in pain over here just thinking about it happening to me I can't even. Sami's back up, okay, but holy shit I wouldn't be I'd just roll under the ring and allow myself to die in peace. ...That was a nice move by Jinder messing with the ropes, dangit.

C'mon Ref, SEND... THEM... OUT!!!  ...wait, no, despite my love of that trope, I love the Singh's too much, they're too good to send them away.  Also why do they keep- The fuck was that with AJ and Randy???  The Phenomenal Forearm doesn't need any inair assitence???  That was kinda dumb guys.  Guys, I love you, but that was goofy.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?  DON'T CARE BECAUSE NOW IT'S FINALLY TIME FOR SOME DREW05LIVE!!! ...but also let me take a moment before that to appreciate how beautiful and graceful Shinsuke is, wow, I love him.

#wwe smackdown #tuesday night smackdown #sassin about rasslin

[rassasassalin]

Kane, Kane I love you, but I don't want to see you fight Brock.  It'll be the worst kind of trainwreck.  I don't even really wanna see Braun fight Brock again, just because I don't trust them to do right and have him beat mister dickchest.

...Kurt, really?  Jfc.  I guess it'll bring the casual fans in.  Fuck me, I'm just so tired of Brock.  Love Heyman, hate seeing that dumb purple face and penis tattoo.

Joe Rollins... Yeah, that'll be a good match, but it doesn't quite get the gross lesner taste outta my mouth.

Don't call Seth bad, Cole, he's trying to redeem himse- JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLEASE STOP I REALLY LEGITIMATELY WANT TO LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD TO DO. Fuckin Seth's face, tho, like "who the hell is this child and who let him in my ring???"  Man is lucky that Dean hasn't dropped down from the ceiling to try and brutalize him.

Ah Joe, you know you're always the bell of any ball that matters.

Not sure Seth's one to talk about Daddy issues considering his history with Trips and Steph, but  ok, you a face now, we'll politely ignore the things you did as a heel.

Things I would not actually be surprised should they happen: Joe ends up kind of adopting Jason Jordan as his pupil/understudy for the purpose of annoying the shit out of Kurt as Jordan goes through his rebellious stage.

...A WWF commercial on the WWE is really weirding me out.  I mean, hell yeah, let's stop tiger poaching, but like... 's'weird.

I don't like that noise Seth made when he was rammed into the barricade, if he could never make that noise again that'd be great. Is the crowd chanting boring?  People have no appreciation for ring psychology anymore.  I know you guys don't like Jordan, but let him try to murder Seth's back jfc it makes sense, let the boy live. Wow, yeah, that probably should have been Jordan's win, wow.  Also, nice to see American Alpha on the same super cool suplexing lane.  I can dig it.

Pffff, Love Tap.  It's just a lil' love tap.  Love Booker T.

Whoever in the crowd is chanting boring needs to shut the fuck GULAK YES PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW HOW DREW IS FEELING AFTER LAST WEEK IS HE GOING TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE OR WILL HE BE TOTALLY DESPONDENT OR JUST VERY CONFLICTED?  GIVE ME MY CRUISERWEIGHTS NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

ALSO IF THEY COULD DELETE THE SKITTLES POX COMMERCIAL THAT WOULD ALSO BE FANTASTIC I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY IT'S SO GROSS.

Dean called Sheamus and Cesaro the Europeans.  AND HE CAN'T TEAM WITH A FACE LIKE JORDAN'S.  DEANO.  Deano please.  I can't.

...I also can't deal with bwoken matt please oh my god i just want bray to be taken seriously and also want matt to do ridiculously stupid backyard wrestling shit and i'm just not sure i can get both at the same time.

BRAY PLEASE STAHP WITH THE FACES

Things I am honestly surprised by: The fact that nobody has found a way to get the chant "Oooo-ver" into Finn's theme song.  Or just, chanting Over at him any time he's in the ring.

Book, come on dude, give m'boys a chance before you say their strategy aint workin, the match only just started. Oops, someone's bleedin. Oh boyos, boooo, why you gotta be like that, come on that's not HOLY SHIT HIDEO!  I was NOT expecting him tonight!!!

...is... are they thinking of moving Finn over to 205 live?  Hideo's already there, and Vince has a habit of purposefully putting people that he doesn't think has what it takes in no win situations just so he can say he was right all along.  Well, joke's on fucking you McMahon, because those of us who actually watch the cruiserweights are totally aware of how amazing their in ring work and story telling is, and if you bring Finn over, all you're going to do is get more people to watch them and come to the same realization.  Bringing Finn over might very well make 205 a serious contender against NXT as far as loyal and slightly rabid fanbases go. ...Also did Cole say something about the Zo Train and then Drew Gulak as a separate entity from said train of Enzo???  Should I be reading into that?

That's my dude, Cedric.  Glad you know better than to underestimate Drew.

...Wheeeeeeen will I get my UK boys on their own shooooooooow?????????

Oh my god, here we go, I'm not ready, Drew bby pls Fucking yes those cheers were for Drew thank you for noticing Enzo. ...Hmm... I think they're doing the thin DREEEEEEWW FUCKLNDF KILL ME RIGHT NOW BABY NO HOW DARE YOU FUCKING JAR JAR I'M GONNA DIE I CAN"T FUCKING PLEASE STOP ALSO HE"S NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THANK YOU CEDRIC ...Where is Enzo going?  How is going to help Drew cheat from up there?  Also I just noticed Drew's Trunks I think I like them but might also kind of hate thhem they somehow look kinda skimpier than his black ones and I'm not sure how or why Zulak.  Eheheh.  Zuul motherfucker. Okay, so, typing this out while having my eyes glued on the screen so will probably have a number of interjections when exciting things happen, but I'm thinking maybe to explain this whole coming out like Drew didn't do nothing wrong- Drew holy shit, don't flip over the top rope like that, thanks- might be because they're doing that thing where they act like nothing happened on tuesday because they assume that the regular audience didn't bother to watch, which is like... I sort of understand but it also really pisses me off.  Wrestling fans in general aren't actually that stupid, and fun fact, Drew Gulak and Enzo Amore are in fact good enough story tellers to say through a few words, and show through their actions, that shit went down.  That's kind of the great thing about wrestling.  It's a soap opera in the way that you can stop watching for years and years and years, and come back- Sweet baby jesus another WWF commercial what the hell is happening here- to basically any show and pretty much have a pretty good idea of what's going on, storyline wise. -Look, if Cedric wasn't on the top rope, he couldn't be tossed off it, let's be real.  ALSO AMORE YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND STOP THREATENING MY DREW AND STOP CALLING HIM GABBY GOO GOO I DON'T APPROVE but I do approve Drew working the wings and back like how beautiful i do legitimately love technical wrestling- Just given the action of the "actors" we can tell who's a good guy, who's a baddy, who's got beef with who, and anything that can't be super easily explained, we got video packages for. I'm kind of seriously worried that they're going to do a- FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TIE HIM UP DREW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH SHUT THE FUCK ENZO  FUCK ME THAT FIGHTING FOR THE BOTTOM ROPE WAS FUCKING AMAZING  AND where the fuck is Zo going????  Drew, no, come on, don't get distrac- fuck.  Too late.  Drew is... is Drew bleeding he IS Fuck me, okay, kinda figured that's how this'll beeeee Nia no why???

Shit, okay, thought I was having- Enzo's going to get used and abused, by his train and by Nia probably until the only one he has left is Drew, who is lame and a dweeb and a fucking square but you know what unlike everyone else he's been a true friend despite everything that Enzo has put him through and so, through Drew's good dork heart, he helps mends Enzo so he stops being so jaded and hurt after what Cas did to him.  Or not.  Probably not, at all, but it's a road that they could go down should they choose to.

Mmmkay, Asuka win, unsurprising, slightly surprised that Absolution hasn't come back out to fuck with her again.  Like, if I was eventually going to be going up against Asuka, I'd be playing mindgames and beating her down to give myself a weakpoint to target later on every chance I got.

Shhhiiiiiit, I remember that countdown, it was Ammmaaaaaazing~  I popped as hard as an 8yo could pop and I didn't quite understand what was happening but I knew that I would never be the same Ageen.  Good times.  Good fucking times.

Ah yes, and here come *in Ambrose Voice* The Europeans.  I'm sorry, I'm never going to get over it, it makes me want to both laugh and cry, Deano has a gift on the mic truly.

Not to be a grammarnazi, but it's you'RE a stupid idiot, not your.

Calling it now- Jason is gonna get in Dean's way/ knocked into him or Seth, and Ambrose is going to get distracted enough with beating the shit out of him that it somehow causes him and Seth to lose the match, either because Seth'll go for the tag and no one will be there, or someone's gonna get ambushed and then pinned real quick.  That, or Dean tries to push Jordan out of the way, and so Jordan jumps in to fight back and they lose because of that.

Woooooooow, Jordan.  Slow your damn roll. I mean, I don't think I'd have started with Seth either, because he's obviously still feeling that earlier fight, but still.  You don't go at it that way.  C'mon man. Ahahahaa omg what the hell was that slide across the ring by Cesaro that was the oddest looking thing I've seen in ages.  I mean, I appreciate the blueballing against a hot tag, but like, ehehe I want to be mad but I'm just giggling. Dean, I appreciate you putting Seth back in the ring but why didn't you put him back in closer to your corner??? Shit, Dean, are you okay???  Fuck, shit, that better be a work, jesus, oh no, ohhhh no please come on oh shit I don't like that ending it was awkward as fuck fuuuuuuuck deano....

...No, wait, uh, uhhhh, they setting up for a turn?  I mean, Dean's the obvious one to make a heel turn on the Shield right now.  Personally, I'd go with Roman, because it'd be less expected and unfortunately people are going to go back to booing him as soon as the Shield isn't around anymore so you might as well give the crowds a REASON to boo him, but I know Dean's the lunatic so...  Christ I really hope this is a work and he's not actually hurt...

Limo???  Oh!  Oh, Steph's home!  Nice!

...Matt, omg.  I'd watch Matt fight a fish.  ...Woken Warriors.  Matt, please stop. ...Fuck me, they're going to go back to crossdressing Bray again.  Please, let's not do that again. I like that Corey is a Woken Warrior.  I shouldn't, but I do.

Okay, okay, they're showing Dean getting hurt alot, so... maybe yes a work???  YES, Okay, attack backstage means work, definitely work.  Or like, Dean does have issues with his arm so he needs time off to get it fixed.   They used to do this all the time to let the wrestlers have Kayfabe reasons to not be around for a couple of months.  But like... they're pretty upfront about when a guy or gal does get injured now, so...  I have no idea what's going on.

Fuck yeah, welcome back Revival.  Missed you boys.  Who's their first victims then?  Oh, Heath and Rhyno.  Awww.  Well, makes sense.  At least they're getting tv timmmmmmm what is Dana Wearing???  Why???????  BOOKER MY DUDE NO PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT DANA COUNTING CALORIES THAT'S NOT COOL.

KURT DON'T YOU FIRE MY HEATH HE'S GOT KIDS!!!  oh god what is rhyno gonna put heath through????

Hello Elias. ...I love Elias. please go caroling at me. Man fuck Goodell. I- what?  Sasha???  What are you doing?  Oh my god.  Are the girls gonna beat up Elias?  I mean, not that I'm super against it or anything, but like, why?  Is there a reason for this?  Has he done something?  Oh, it's because it's time for their match, right?  He's eating up their time.... Oh no that one buddy, that's so sad, but it was a good try Bailey. Bye, Elias.  Dude...  You can't not hug Bailey.

...Why HASN'T Nia been more involved with fighting Absolution.  She's a huge threat.  You'd think they'd try to take her out early. ...Dana changed her clothes. Well, hello there Boss Lady. Paige looks like she knows she's about to be grounded but is trying to play it cool.

I'd like to point out that if there was a big ol' fella rumble going on and an Dude McMahon came out, they wouldn't have stopped fighting.  But the Ladies know when toooooooooo YESSSSS PLEASE STEPHANIE I WANT A FUCKING WOMEN'S RUMBLE YEP YEP YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#wwe raw #monday night raw #sassin about rasslin

[rassasassalin]

So, I suppose this is a way to start the show.  Nice to see that it was just a mistake on thrusday to play out Ziggler’s theme.  And by nice, I mean awful.  I know it’s supposed to get under my skin, and it works.  Just play the damn theme.

Interesting that Baron’s seeming to start a trend of going shirtless now.  I’d be okay with him tearing his tank off each match, honestly.

Still haven’t decided if they added Ziggler in so that Bobby doesn’t have to eat a pin, or so Baron doesn’t have to.  All I know is that someone’s being protected, and it ain’t Dolph.- I SAY AS DOLPH PINS BARON??? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE???  Ahaha, glad I don’t ever actually place bets on these things, holy shit, wow, okay, you got my attention, Clash of Champions.

Shane’s custom made Ref shirt.  I want a special referee shirt that customized towards my own themes.

SHANE YOU’VE BEEN IN MATCHES WITH TWO REFS AT THE SAME TIME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

Aiden’s looking nice.  I love his jackets.  I want his jackets.

Omg listen to them chanting Rusev Day I’m so happy what a good Bulgarian.  What a happy Rusev Day to us all!  AND WE GET ALL OF THE SONG!!!!!!  A whole month or Rusev, how exciting!!!  Fuck me sideways we’re Actually Getting The Whole Song, What voodoo magic has Aiden done to allow himself to go uninterrupted?  YES I WANT AN ENCORE!!!!!!!  Oh, oh ok, i see how this is.  Gable and Benjamin running for heel tagteam of the year.  I get it.

Those fucking pancakes.  I can’t even.  They make me feel emotions that I simply don’t have the capacity to parse through and understand.

Baby boy, no, ain’t no one singing about Christmas you sillies.  Rusev Day. (good crowd interaction though i’m impressed)

(Also don’t worry Simmon in the first row, we’ll see the Ascension tonight, I almost guarantee it.  Undoubtedly when they cost Breezango a win tonight.)

This is gonna be fucking chaos, but of the impressively athletic variety.  Wonder how long it will be before Xavier gets involved, considering it’s a No DQ.

“No it’s not, it’s Training Day”- Chad Gable, 2017

Things I just realized that I would kind of enjoy- the Usos and New Day getting twin pins, and them being forced to share the Tag Team Belts.  Co-Belt defenders makes for all kind of fun shenanigans.  I look back fondly on when Jericho had to share the Intercontinental Title with Chyna.

Rusev’s face when Aiden’s super sexy pin didn’t work.

Holy SHITE GABLE that’s beautiful, rolling bridging german suplexes That’s what I signed up to See.

...Aw......  Well, it was a damn good attempt Chad.  Like that they’re letting him go out looking strong at least.

And speaking of chaotic matches.  Kinda see Natti stealing a win outta this one, but also Charlotte does have a damn good record at PPVs, soooo...  anyone’s game I guess.  Also when did we stop calling it lumberjill matches???  Did I miss the memo?  I’m cool with it, don’t particularly care either way honestly, just find it kind of odd.  Maybe because they’re afraid it’ll remind people that Jillian and her really bad pop singer gimmick was a thing.  Can’t blame you WWE, those were dark times.  Not as dark as the time that the Boogeyman ate a mole off her face, but still dark.

Fucking love Ruby’s theme, it’s great.  Also I like how all the “teams” have like, taken their own sides of the ring.  Y’all can’t do that.  There’s not enough of you to fully circle the ring, so you gotta plan smart and like, circle around it where Charlotte and Natti are gonna be.

Come on Corey, Charlotte’s not totally surrounded by enemies.  Naomi’s out there.  ehehe, nattie has 12000 cats.  best quote from corey graves of the year.

Don’t call my riot squad jackals.  They’re more like... hyena’s.  Just probably without pseudo-dicks, but definitely with all of the viciousness.

Interesting that the Riot squad’s let Natti get hit, but got a couple of little licks in on Charlotte.  Hmmm.

Yep, okay, things are about to get messy.  Carmella’s gonna be the first to be murdered.

Thank you for the Eddie quote, Corey.  Amen.

“Boo...”- Byron Saxton 2017

I can’t believe it took this long to- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING- oh my god, thank you Ruby.  No cashing in money in the bank tonight, thank you.

Things I kinda enjoy about wrestling- when a wrestler gets a wedgie and then they try to sneakily pull it out while acting like they’re super in pain.

Not how I thought that match was gonna end, but not bad.

...Nat, you were already a heel, you’d already had your back turned to the crowd, I don’t know how that’s supposed to work???

BREEZE I AM TRYING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN I AM IN SHOCK AT THE SHORTS YOU’RE DARING TO WEAR INTO THIS RING???  Never, In ALL OF MY DAYS...!

RIP in Peace, Breezango.

Seriously, I thought for sure the Ascension was going to come out and fuck things up for them.  Or fuck them up. ...On tuesday, then.  They’ll either keep talking Breezango into trying and fight the Bludgen Bros, or they’re going to try and “defend their honor” by going up against them themselves.

How’s it gonna work with two refs, babe, honestly.  WIth Shenanigans.  It’s gonna work with shenanigans.  Also who was Sami trying to seduce at the start of this match???  Also hello again like 2013 Randy Orton Hair.

Byron “I’m a very confused boy and that makes me grumpy” Saxton.

I’m sorry, I just can’t be intimidated by heel Sami, like he’s so cute when he he’s all smug and shit like he’d have to do something seriously villainess shit to get any actual heat from me.  I’m talking like, spitting in the direction of someone’s baby level of assholery.  And I just can’t see him doing it.  So he’ll just continue to b my cute lil’ heel that could. “I think I can be bad, I think I can be bad, I think I can be bad!”

Dramatic Ref DB is great.  I love him.  I love when rasslers go in and take the Referee role, like they’re always so expressive with their gesticulations, like their such drama queens I love it.

Great camerawork, thanks, I love it when I don’t actually get to see the triangle locked in and jst get to hear about it.  After all, it’s not like I watch wrestling to actually see the moves or anything.

Honestly, if Shinsuke gets pinned tonight I’m gonna be annoyed.  I know he’s going to lose, because obviously, but like, it’s not going to hurt Randy any to eat a pin.  Wont kill his momentum.  But I feel like it could do some serious damage to Shinsuke.

Goodnight, sweet table, I knew ye well.

Ok, that was a hot powerslam by Randy, ngl.

Whoopsidaisey, here we go.  I thought it’d be Shane pushed into Daniel, but this works too.

Gasp!!!  Shane!!!!  You brought that fast count upon yourself.

Yep!  Yep!  Yep!

FUCK MY LIFE I forgot about the AJ Jinder match I turned off the app after the last match oops, ahaha, came to the realization just in time and turned it back on right as the match started ahahaaaaa says a lot about how I feel about this ppv that I totally forgot about the actual main event....

Welp, this is the best heeling that I’ve seen Jinder do so far, so respect for that.

Just noticed that the announce Desk got put back together.  That bothers me.  If it’s broken guys, leave it be.  Let it be a reminder of what happened earlier in the night, even if it was only one match earlier.

Way better ring psychology going on in this on than I thought there would be.  Ribs and legs, it’s good stuff.  Everyone came out looking better for it.  It’s nice.  Not a bad ending. -seriously hope AJ’s ribs are okay though some of those bumps looked really fucking nasty-

#wwe clash of champions #sassin about rasslin

[rassasassalin]

Hope you don’t mind me adding onto this, especially with my lack of gifs, but I see you’re in a bad mood and figured well, might as well share some of my favorite Drew-things too, because shit, we might as well all be in Gulak hell together right?

The look on Drew’s face when he told Ariya to get off the top rope and not risk his ribs but he did it anyway because he’s Ariya despite Drew actually being totally right in that situation, and he just stood there, like he was about to get the vapors at any second, the back of his fist actually pressed against his forehead because he’s a melodramatic dweeb.

That one time the whole Zo-train was out and helping Enzo do a frogsplash of his own, except for Drew, who was in the corner, with them, and right near Enzo, giving his supportive presence but refusing to actually join in or actually really endorse top rope jumping.

How every once in a while I’ll notice that Drew refuses to even jump off of the ring apron, and will instead actually walk down the fucking steps like who even actually does that except ladies in really high heels and/or super short and tight skirts and I’ve even seen jump off but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Drew do anything but roll, slide, or get kicked off the apron.

Drew’s inability on Twitter to not pick fights with people that he should not be picking fights with probably( Hideo, Brwoken Matt, Oney Lorken- although admittedly personally the idea of Drew going up against Oney gets me all kinds of excited and pumped up and I’d watch the shit outta that match)

How Drew has gained enough momentum to actually influence a Microsoft PowerPoint Seal Of Approval Stamp

That time that he called Booker “Mr. T”.

How unsubtle he is at dodging questions on commentary.

How unsubtle he is when he bends his own rules so he doesn’t have to condemn his friends, and how aggravated and/or disappointed he sounds when they go too far and he has to call them out and do I Told You So’s at them for their ridiculous risk takings.

That time that he not only decided that he was everyone’s father, but decided that the best way to describe what he was going to do to Tozawa was to explain how he was going to make him impotent (in the throat of course) while holding onto a big shaft( of his No Chanting Sign, obviously), because there is nothing weird about any of that at all.

The fact that I showed up for the List in Powerpoint Format, and he somehow managed to get me to stay for personality and his beautifully expressive face despite the fact that the character is so much of a goddamn dweeb that he wouldn’t have been cool enough to be invited to join my D&D Club in High School- a place that I can assure you was filled to the brim with nerds and geeks and dorks of the highest order.

In short... Long Live Drewtopia...!

some of my favourite just drew things™️

This shitty look after stomping on Towaza’s throat coz he wouldn’t stop going AH AH  AH AH

Him being impressed with then-boyfriend Tony Nese getting one over on Towaza. 

Being so hyped for his power point presentation he got down onto his knees and Nigel also joined in.

That night he came out all stubbly but still had well-groomed hair and it shook me enough to come back to wrestling Tumblr after I decided I was over it,

Literally any time he plays with his tie and or wears the blue suit red tie combo. 

How proud he was of himself when he said “HOW ARE YOU DOING!”

When he was in a streeet fight and dressed properly despite being in a cage of death math twice and wearing his normal gear during both.

When he gets disgusted by people breaking his rules. Like chanting for him .

When he got to run the Zo Train for a week.

When he tries his best to understand Enzo.

How not gay his love for Tony is.

When he overheard someonne talking about the Daddy Kink and presumed it meanty actualy fathers.

DREWWWWWWTOPIA

#205 live #drew05 live #drew gulak #i just really love this man okay #i adore everything about him #i could probably write sonnets about how you can read everything that goes on in his mind as it's mapped out on his face #the way he tells a story is amazing #and i can't wait until he turns face #because i don't think he's going to be a boring face that loses all the characteristics that make him interesting to watch when he turns #like a certain viper that i could mention but won't because that would be rude #but i'm pretty damn sure he'll be the same loser dork that we've all come to know and love #still be a bit of a party pooper #it's just now he won't try to make people impotent by trying to break their vocal chords #although he'll probably become even dadlier #that'll be his gimmick #lame dad that tries to be cool #anyways #sorry @toosweetme for adding this longish list onto your post that was already perfection #i just know that irl it sometimes makes me happier to gush with my friends about characters we love/hate #so here's to hoping that you'll feel better soon!

[rassasassalin]

It’s that third and fourth gif, man, that look, that expression.  Gulak hates himself, it’s literally written all over his face.  If he was just angry, he’d have those furrowed brows, but he’d be sneering or snarling or grimacing.  But look at his mouth.  Look at his eyes.  That’s straight up disgust, and he’s directing it all at himself.  Ariya doesn’t particularly care.  Enzo has an end goal that involves steam rolling over others, but it doesn’t matter to him who he runs over.  But it matters to Drew.  Because Drew cares.  Drew cares a lot.

Fuck me, and this was the exact moment that I wished that Noam hadn’t been hurt- i mean, outside of the moment that i learned he was hurt in the first place but specifically for story telling reasons right here-, because what I wouldn’t give to have seen what his reaction would have been, whether he’d have tried to disassociate himself like Ariya and Enzo did, or if he’d be as upset as Drew but followed behind his example because Baby Bear.

205 Live has quietly been setting up one of the best and most agonizing stories of the year, and everyone involved hit it out of the park this week.

#205 live #drew gulak #the story telling on this show is so fucking good honestly #you can even trace it back to what happened between enzo and cass if you wanted to #drew and tony obviously being such good damn friends #when zo was betrayed by his closest partner #and then wasn't able to actually get back at him #he's got seriously unresolved issues #so you know him seeing people being legitmately friendly is like salt in the open wound #add to that the fact that not only has drew made friends #but gained actual respect? #AND he's over as fuck with the crowd? #i mean #comparatively at least? #you know that kills amore fucking dead as shit #so he tries to break drew to gain not only more power that he knows he has to steal #because he's incapable of getting it on his own #he's just not good enough #but also to try and get some form of catharsis #but i imagine that he'll find out that it's not actually satisfying at all #perpetuating that hate and keeping it going #fuck my life i love my cruiserweights

[rassasassalin]

Cool, starting out with Lillian.  Sweet.

U-S-A!!!  U-S-A!!!! U-S-A!!!!!!!!!!

God, I miss San Diego.  Look at that Sky.  I bet it’s a perfect 75 degrees out.  I miss the shit outta that.

Lookit all them squidly’s cheering for the Shield.  Love it.  Gonna be a great match. Oh, oh, JBL’s there.  Makes sense.  This is kind of his baby.  S’cool.   Ehehe, Squids love Joe too.  Noice.

Man, I hope that Sheamus got all sunscreened up.

AHHHHHH!!!!  See!  Great Minds think alike!!!!!  That’s so fucking cute, I love it!

Man, I love Tribute to the Troops.  They’re always such a great crowd.

Noooooo!  Sheamus what are you doing???  The folks just want to make sure you stay healthy!!!  What a heel!  What an uncaring for his own skin heel! (I love Sheamus, what a goof)

Good job, boyos.  Wonder what Dean was climbing the ropes for at the end, tho.  Was he gonna jump onto Joe on the outside of the ring?  Probably.  What a loon.

Seth’s so fucking modest.  Tell us how you really feel, kiddo.  Ehehe

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamil!  But when can we have Mark Hamil come on to be a guest commentator?  That’s the real question.  Could you imagine?  I can.  I can very vividly imagine.

Who is not surprised that San Diego loves Charlotte?  Not me.  Is that... is that dazzled up camo?  No.  No, surely not.  I’m just going to say no, it’ll make me feel better.

Natty, Natty, what are you doing?  You know you’re not actually going to be able to make friends with all of the lumberjills.  And Charlotte is actually pretty difficult to play mindgames with.

Yeah, I love watching Charlotte go.  I’d really enjoy watching her and Ruby go actually one on one.- Oh, hey, look, it’s Lil Natch for the ref.  Come on guys, we know who’s going to win.  I mean, we know anyway, because like, Faces always win on TttT, but like, when the ref had a storyline once of being your Daddy’s biggest fan, you can hazard a guess he’ll be a mite biased.  Or, would be, if we still had Refs be involved with Storylines.

Vince, please let us bring back heel and face refs.  I know you want your wrestling to look more “legitimate”, but come on, you tell stories, and letting refs be involved again just gives you more tools with which to storytell with.

!!!Sargent Slaughter’s there?  Are we gonna see him tonight?  Please????  I love him.

Looking forward to Bright.  Love urban fantasies, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen one where all the magical and fantastical beings seem to be out in the open instead of a only barely kept secret.  Plus like, Will Smith, you know?

Will Paige wear a shirt?  I hope so, she’s so pal- OH! Gable and Benjamin are on the Heel side of the match!  Getting closer to my hope that they become just straight up heels!  Maybe Jordan can join back up with them when he makes his full turn.  Kurt having to deal with three bad boys that all took serious inspiration from him- his former protege, his son, and the guy that we all thought would be his son.  It could work.  It’d be ridiculous, but shit, this is wrestling.  Why not?

MotherFUCKING YESSSSS!!!!!  THAT’S MY SARGENT!!!!  Oh, oh, Miz????  Oh god, oh my god,   “You’re not really a marine, you just play one in movies,” And Mark Henry!  I love it, that’s great, I’m so happy~~~~

Awww, oh my god, can we all do the USA chant to the New Day Rocks chant from now on?  Because that’s fucking aweseome.  I love it.  We probably won’t, but I really fucking wish it’ll become a thing.

Do my eyes deceive me?  Does Aiden have a bit of a tan???  HIS GOOSE!  AIDEN NO!!  GOOSE DIED,  AND IT’S AN INSULT TO RUSEV TO COMPARE HIM TO TOM CRUISE!!!!

Fucking Rusev, how dare you be so cute, you need to stop it.  Stahp.  Pls.  Let me have some peace you big brute.

Seriously though, I really dig Benjamin and Gable.  I’m looking forward to see where they go.  They’ve got serious potential, and some good chemistry from what I’ve see so far.

Ah, omg, Chad looked so confused, why are they chanting U...S-A against him, he went to the Olympics for America, he’s an all American hero.

..619...  When is Rey coming back?  I miss Rey Mysterio.  I miss him so much.  I remember hearing rumors, and they did that piece on him on the Network, so surely?  Please?  I miss him so much.

Oh no!  What happened to Fluffy’s doggo?  I hope it’s okay!  The Cone of Shame suuuuuuuucks.

l really wanna see Sonya go up against someone like Nia, who has an obvious power advantage over her.  See her try and overcome with her submissions, and see what she comes up with when the other woman can, at least at first, just power their way out of them.  Would she give up early on and resort to cheating?  Or would she just keep beating away until she tires the other woman out?  I can see her being the second type.  One of those heels that has their own Code they stick to, you know?  Lines they won’t cross.  She might gang up on you, but she won’t smack you in the back with a chair.  That’d actually be cool, if she was the first one to back out of Absolution, because Paige and Mandy were willing to stoop to levels that Sonya just refuses to.  Probably overthinking things tho.

Oh, a heel win.  Rare.  Was Paige singing with her theme for a second there?  Cute.

ATAT Ahahaha!  Love those!  Aaaaand I’m gonna cry every time I see Princess Leia.  Great.  Fantastic.  That’s cool.

Hey look, the first real boos of the evening, and they’re directed at Jinder and KO and Sami- well some boos for Kevin and Sami.  Seeing a couple cheering for them.

Yeah, dude, I understand, Randy does have a great theme.  God, he looks so bored, tho.  Somebody let him go heel already.  He’s so weird as a face.

Oh my god, look how happy those boys were to get to hold Shinsuke, they’re so pumped, ehehee.

And here come m’boy.  Love seeing him tag with Nakamura, but you know what I’d like to see even moooooooore....?  Him fighting Nakamura.  Give me that Feud.  Give it to me nooooow.

Guys you can’t chant for an RKO, it has to come outta nowhere.

Another singles match I’d love to see?  Sami and Shinsuke.  I mean, I know I’ve seen it already, but I would be more than happy to see it again on like, a bi-monthly basis.

My poor Singh bros.

Yaaaas, Zayn Nakamura~

 Sami is such a beautiful seller.  It’s honestly a gift.  An underappreciated art.  Whatta man.

Shinsuke dancing to AJ’s theme.  That, too, is a gift.

Good show! Good crowd.  Good shit, man, good shit.

#wwe tribute to the troops #sassin about rasslin

[rassasassalin]

Someone needs to get this man a contract, stat.  I want him doing his best screaming-fainting goat impression as he sees Rusev coming down the ramp to squash him.

Courtesy of WWE, trimmed it down to the moment that will make you smile, laugh and cry.

#please #i'm joking #but really only kind of #like i wouldn't be mad if they brought him in unless they made him a contender for the heavyweight title #be a little mad then #but otherwise #i could listen to this on a weekly basis easily

[rassasassalin]

205′s Story Telling is a Thing of Beauty

I’m feeling so torn up inside and I’m loving every fucking second of it, they have turned this thing that I initially was doing nothing but scoff laughing at with the Zo-train and have turned it into legit character arcs and are setting seeds that could influence the stories that these men tell for ages to come.

Drew Gulak is still a gift to us all.  He’s riding high on victory, he’s seeing a championship in his future, and he’s being a positive member on his team, helping his boys out, having them mostly listen to him and take his advice- telling, I think, that Noam listened to Drew and took himself off the top rope, but Davari refused-, he feels pretty well respected by the people that he cares the most being respected about, and he feels confident enough in himself and his place to be the bigger man and apologize to Enzo for the other day.  And then he sees it all shatter down around him.  His expression when Enzo says he’s going to fight Tony, when he tries to talk Enzo out of it, when Enzo demands that he goes and does what Drew knows implicitly is just wrong.  He was conflicted, he was morose, and I dare say that the more aggressive he got in the beat down, the more you could see him hating himself just that little bit more.  I cannot wait until next week to see where this goes for Drew.  Because I don’t think Tony’s really going anywhere, at least not immediately.  It’s a pretty common trope in heel stables- or at least it used to be- to punish one member to remind the others what’s at stake if they don’t win/stay in line, at least until they can’t stand any more beatings and turn into a magnificent Face Phoenix from the ashes of their broken dignity and spirit to do what’s right.  So Tony will still be part of the group, I imagine, but far more subdued.  Davari, who was the first to fall in line behind Enzo and follow his orders and didn’t seem to hesitate in attacking for him, will probably loudly take his place as second in command with all the prestige that that will get him.  But what will Drew do?  Will he try to carry on like tonight didn’t happen?  Will he attempt to justify it as just something that needed to be done for the good of 205Live, and the Zo Train as a whole?  Or will he stew on this for a whole week?  I have no idea.  The only thing I’m pretty sure about, was that Enzo staged that whole bit up to break Tony and Drew’s spirit, and at least with Drew, we can be sure that it didn’t happen.  Because payback is definitely coming somewhere down the line.

#205 live #zo train #drew gulak #i'm kind of curious if they maybe would have used noam in tony's place #if noam wasn't hurt #mostly because noam seemed to openly sort of respect drew #and the whole calling him baby monkey/bear thing #ariya wouldn't have changed #he'd still have immediately jumped noam #but maybe tony would have tried to stop it while drew stayed on the outside #and noam already hurt couldn't have stopped them from beating the shit out of tony #then you'd have drew being even more conflicted #because there's his best friend who tried to do the morally right thing #and poor drew is just a man who's being held down by the man #and how can he make a difference if he doesn't have enzo's power and support behind him? #i think it would end up splitting the zo train basically in two #leaving drew in the middle of a moral game of tug o' war #still good how it turned out tho #i mean fucking awful because my heart hurts #but in the best way you know?

[rassasassalin]

Annnnd it’s Smackdown time, woooo.  Got some hopes for the main event tonight, let’s see how it goes.

Yep movement.  Yes.  I love it.  Beautiful.  More of this, please.

Honestly, whatever anyone’s feelings on Jinder Mahal, and there are a lot of them, all varied and viable, but the Singh Brothers are amazing.  The second best part of the gimmick they gave him, imo, only slightly behind his entrance.  They’re so over the top with their acting, it’s great, they’re great, I love them so much, I want to see them have a who can be more extra-off with The New Day.

Excuse me, I’m sorry, did they just give the Ruby and Charlotte fucking JOBBER ENTRANCES?  First actual match of the night, and I don’t get to see the full entrances?  Not a huge fan of that.  But okay.  Whatever.  No entrances, just packages, that’s fine, it’s cool.

So, I’d go ahead and guess right now that at some point tonight, given what happened on Raw and how things have been going for the last couple of months, that the Riot Squad would get mobbed by all the Female Wrestlers on Smackdown tonight, but it doesn’t feel like they have the same kind of numbers advantage that the gal’s on Raw do?  And while I think that, I’ve done the quick math, and no, the numbers are only like, one off, but...  I think Lana’s throwing me off.  Lana just doesn’t feel like a wrestler to me, so my subconscious isn’t counting her as one.  I guess they could mob them.  Wouldn’t be much point tho, I don’t think.  Don’t like this whole mirror storyline that’s happening on Raw and Smackdown when there’s no important variables.

Also, sidenote, I have always, forever, loved Natalya’s ring gear.

Oh, they’re bringing out the steps again.  That move’s really cute.  I know it was supposed to be super dangerous but it’s just kinda silly and I love it.  Good on Naomi for coming out and kicking ass- giving ass?- tho, love that girl, annnnnnd yep, alright, there we go, getting kinda mobbed, yep, called it.

Ahhhh, Baron Corbin v Ziggler.  So, fun fact that I’m sure no one cares about, but I’ve come to enjoy Baron’s wrestling entirely against my will.  He is the opposite of the problem that I had with Ryback- in that he was huge and looked like everything I’d enjoy in a big muscle hoss rassler-, but his moves were so boring that by the end of his run I legit tuned out during his matches because I just couldn’t get into them.  Corbin, on the other hand... something about him just rubbed me the wrong way from the first time I heard him talking, and I wanted, I desperately wanted to hate him.  And then I saw him do the End of Days.  And I’ve been petulantly hooked ever since.

Mmmmhm, DB, what have we got here.  Daniel Turn tonight?  Probably not tonight.  Probably just setting the seeds for tonight.  And I say “turn”, but I don’t know if it’ll really count as that, because Shane’s being pretty petty Mcmahon Heel right now.  Daniel standing up for what he thinks is right isn’t a particularly heel move, at least, not traditionally.  Then again, WWE seems to love Heels that Actually Have Good Points now, soooo...

...When did Dolph start coming out to music again?  Did I miss something?  I mean, I’m not complaining, wasn’t a fan of the record scratching then stark silence.  Fans really let me down on that one.  They should have started doing theme songs for him when the music cut out.  Golden opportunity, wasted.

AND Baron is fighting sands shirt.  Noice.  Uncommon, but nice.

When will Heel Roode come back from the war?  I miss him.  This is kind of dickish Roode, but not super heel yet.

Ah, yes, My Violent Kane Themed Team Rocket Bros coming next.  Their get ups are so goofy, but I do like the way they’re wrestling.  That smacking the shit out of Roan to get him fired up?  I wouldn’t mind seeing more of that.  Not sure if I’m looking forward to Breezango going up against the Bludgeon Bros.  I love my dumb cop boys.  I don’t want them to be decimated.  Also, it’s so obvious that the Ascension has been behind all of the fashion file shenanigans so they’d be putting themselves in super danger for no reason.

...man, i love seeing my wyatt boys doing good for themselves, but man, sometimes i watch them and i think what could be if they just let bray have his giantman stable.  and now i’m sad.  corey laughing at people getting decimated helps a little bit, i guess, but still.

Not making me less sad reminding me both of Heel Cole- oh god no please- and that time the Rock came back and said he was home, only to leave us again.

YEP MOVEMENT MAKES ME HAPPY, THOUGH, THANK YOU.

Zayn and Owens revolutionaries, you say?  They should hire Drew Gulak.  He could make them a beautiful power point to help their cause.

KO being the Yup Man is the Best Thing and I love it.

Still don’t trust Randy to not turn on Shin.  Never trust Randy.

I really want a Yep! shirt.

Oh no, come on, SOMEONE has to occupy smackdown with ma boys.

...Man, thanks Kevin, now I want some kool-aid.

Doooon’t trust a McMahon, Daniel.  Don’t do it.  It never ends in anything but tears.  Nice to see Sami and Kevin happy, though.

Oh hey, Rusev is fighting tonight!  Happy Rusev Day to Me!  AND New Day on Commentary!  Oh Smackdown, you’re spoiling me~

YAS!  GIVE ME THE WHOLE SONG!!!!!

THREEE UNHINDERED JINDERS OMG, BEAUTIFUL

I wouldn’t mind seeing Aiden dressed up like the Grinch.  Oooh, no, guys, come on, be nice to English, he’s not that bad.

...I’m actually really enjoying Benjamin and Gable together.  They play pretty well off of each other.  I really wish they got more TV time.  I like the idea of Sheldon teaching Chad how to be a proper heel/tweener.

Big E is a Gift, let we never forget.

So is Corey and Byron’s antagonistic relationship.  It’s so nice to have a Heel Face commentator duo again where it doesn’t feel like actual meanspiritedness that one party can’t actually handle.  Byron’s really grown on me.  Maybe he’s better now that he’s not up against JBL.  Maybe it’s just having to listen to Otunga for ages.  Either way, doesn’t really matter how or why, I just know that if Byron wasn’t on the announce team for Smackdown, I would actually genuinely miss him.

Hm.  So Zack’s gonna get murdered on the CoC kickoff.  That kinda makes me sad, but hopefully it will end up being a good ark for his and Mojo’s characters.

Fucking Bobby’s picture looks so happy to be there

OH NO, I DON”T WANT DANGO AND BREEZE TO GET MURDERIZED!  I’m seeing they’re going to get pretty well banged up, then the Ascension is going to come out and it’ll look like they’re there to help their “Best Friends”, but then Oh No, They’ve Actually Been The Villains All Along!  And so either BB’s win, or if Breezango wins it’ll be by DQ because Ascensions only going to come out there to twist the proverbial knife in their backs.

Really wish they didn’t add those strobe lights to Shinsuke’s entrance.  Still one of my favorite entrances otherwise.  Whatta man.  HE JUST FISTBUMPED THE VIPER NAKAMURA NO

Randal growing his hair out kind of weirds me out at this point. THEY FIST BUMPED AGAIN WHAT IS THIS? 

SHINSUKE IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE I LOVE HIM

Daniel on commentary now, Guest Night at the Commentary Desk tonight apparently.

Man I just really love Sami’s face.  Just thought I’d share that.

Yep, yep, gonna be Shenanigans at Clash of Champions during the main event.  So many shenanigans.  Perhaps even all of the shenanigans.

Nakamura’s kicks give me life.  So does KO murdering people on the ring apron.

Fucking Sami waving at Daniel.  Goddamit, Zayn, stop being so cute.

Shit man, Daniel bringing up Indie stuff, I can sense Vince Feuding from here, ehehe.

You know, one day I want to have a wrestler purposefully toss a match on the go home show because traditions state that he who wins before the PPV, shall lose at the PPV.  I know tonight wasn’t the go home show, but it just got me thinking.  I’d love to have a wrestler who’s gimmick was like, being super meta about things like that.  Or just really superstitious I guess could also work.

Anyway, Now to get my weekly fix of Drew05 Live.

#wwe smackdown #sassin about rasslin #tuesday night smackdown

[rassasassalin]

Might as well christen this place where I can overthink some rasslin’.  Good a night as any for it.  Gonna be taking notes as I go through Raw, and will publish under a readmore when done.  Really long, mostly just steam of conscious.  Might do a summarized thoughts later.  But probably not.  Summaries are my mortal enemies.

!!!  Dean vs Joe!  That should be a fun match!  Love Joe, love Dean, and their styles should clash pretty well.  Also, I love Joe’s theme.  And Joe talking.  He’s so damn good on the mike.  He’s got a wonderful cadence, and he’s like, the perfectly articulate heel.  So good.

I like the Roman drinks orange juice after he brushes his teeth sign.  It’s good.  I mean, it’s hella gross, but I like those kind of signs.  Good stuff.

The Roman chant is interesting.  I haven’t really heard a crowd chant for a face in a while.  Although I think it’s still arguable whether or not Roman is a face.  Still.  Good to have a crowd chanting for one.  Part of the problem, I find, with today’s rassling, nobody chants for the faces to come out and fix problems, because there is no real Top Face that, you know, does face things.

Congrats to the dude who’s wife bough him tickets.

Yeah, no duh it’s a trap, why’d Ro go out there on his own, that’s silly.  Clearly Joe and Sheazaro made some kind of alliance last week, come on boys.  Also of course look at the fight in Dean, he’s always been the one in the Shield that gets the shit kicked out of him the worst, he’s a pain magnet, that’s part of why we love him so much.

Was feeling pretty happy from that promo about Bliss and Banks fighting the first women’s match over in Abu Dhabi, but then they cut to the ring and I see a sign saying that the Browns will be the Superbowl Champs and I’ve been laughing ever since fuck me, keep living the dream my friend, keep living that dream.

Seriously tho, I’ve loved Mickey James for forever, what a legend, what an underrated gem, I hate that she’s being wasted right now.

So... I didn’t watch Tough Enough since like... idk, the third “season”, I guess you could say, and I never watch Total Divas, but... maybe I’m totally wrong, but Mandy Rose feels a lot like- just from ring attire and attitude-, a golden version of Eva Marie?  And I’m not particularly interested in that.  Like watching Paige wrestle, I’ve enjoyed Sonya from what I’ve seen from her on Main and on NXT- always down for some female Bruisers, y’know?- but Mandy just seems... Idk.  Been there, done that, seen that character a hundred times.  Unless she’s going to pull a Marlena with a... Velveteen Dream?  He’s the only openly sensual sort of rassler in the WWE right now that could follow that old spirit of Goldust- and he definitely doesn’t need a handler of any kind, to be honest.  But like, outside of that?  Don’t care.  Got the feeling she’s going to be the weak link/first one to betray Paige’s lil group.

...Omg.  Matt.  Matt, babe.  God, I wanted him to break so bad, but I just... I mean, I’m laughing, but I don’t really see this turning out well for either him or Bray?  It could be good, if treated carefully, but I just don’t trust anyone on creative to do Bray right anymore.  Which is a fucking shame, because he makes a fantastic cult leader, he was so charasmatic and scary and then they took away his fucking cult and just what is even the point?  Like even the fact that he never wins anything, I could mostly ignore or more not really care if even after a loss he was still like this looming, evil shadow ready to consume any and all that come in his path but-  Look, point I’m trying to make here is that Bray is actually supposed to be a serious character, even if they don’t make him a properly scary character anymore, and putting him up against a comedy act- and Br/Woken Matt is a comedy act, a fantastic satire, simply the best, I love him....  I don’t know.  Maybe if I knew that Matt and Bray were actually coming up with their storyline.  That’d be cool, but...  I’ll try to be optimistic, but it’ll be hard.

...The breaking the Woken, ehehehe, fuck you Impact.

Fuck my life it looks like someone is cutting their own youtube backstage promo against clips from Bray, I’m laughing and crying and- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW ABIGAIL AND YOU GUYS HUNG OUT IN BABYLON I MEAN BABY-LAWN?  Nevermind youtube promos, this is like two kids on the playground playing imaginairy war and Bray just pulled out what he thought was his trump card and Matt’s all flip turning it upside down and now Bray’ll cry to the nearest adult that Matt’s not playing the game right, he’s not allowed to change Abigail’s backstory.

God, Bray, no, don’t make me choose, I love you both- broken warriors???  Wyatt swarm????  Could we have a whole battle royal sort of thing????????  Because I’m down, I’m so down- Stop making me laugh at your laughing you fucking dweebs I’m crying, I’m actually literally crying.

Booker looks so done with everything, poor Book.

Oh.  Ohhhhh, okay, here we go, Cruiser Weights now, what are they going to- oh no, not this thing with Nia, I’m just.  I love Nia.  I don’t hate Enzo, but there’s no reason for- DREW!  oh, they acknowledged Swann.  Real quick, there we go.

...Drew’s lil’ elbow.  His oooohing.  HE’S WILLING TO FIGHT NIA!  I LOVE THIS MAN.

What do you mean Finn’s fighting Curtis?  But his neck is like, super broken guys?  No, really, come on, this isn’t fair, poor Axel.  I love that guy.  SHut the hell up Cole, he SO needs that neck brace, he got beat the heck up by the Shield, he’s hurt.  Lookit Curtis and Bo.  Look at those happy babies.  Even Finn’s happy.  This is all I need in life.

!!!!!!!!!  Curtis, no!  You need- oh, sucker punch, nice.  Noice.  Now this might be a fight.  Wow, Curtis is coming in hard and fast, I like it.  Oh no!!!  His neck again!  Poor Curtis.  Looks like it’s his curse to have to be in a neck brace for the rest of his career.  I too, hope he’s okay, Corey.

Worried about the way they keep talking about Sheamus.  I’ve been hearing things about him might having to retire soon, and now I’m super bummed because I actually really like that big Red Headed goof.  I’m gonna miss him if he does have to leave soon.  Wonder if they’ll actually give him the big singles belt one last time.  Hmmm...  Anyways... yeah, not sure I trust the whole Partners Barred from Ringside thing.  Wouldn’t hold my breath for there being no interference.

OKAY.  I’ve not seen THAT one before.  Just toss the man by the knee over your shoulder Sheamus, that’s fine, it’s cool, doesn’t make me hurt at all.  Hella nice submission, tho.  Love me some submissions.

And THAT’s why big men don’t tend to go up on the top rope.  Should listen to our beloved Gulak.  No Fly Zone for Hosses.

Alright, I hated that knee when Rollins started to use it, and it’s still not the greatest finisher I’ve ever seen him do, but at least now he looks pretty confident while doing it.  Makes a hell of a difference.

Hehehe, did asking if Dean had a strategy.  Cmon, Renee, you should know your man better than that.  Heh, thanks for the pep talk babe.

Ah, yes, and here we have a commercial for Tribute for the Troops, which I’mma watch and cry like a bitch during.  Fantastic.  And on the Base where I was born, too.  Even Better.  Looks like it’ll have some amazing matches.  And maybe Machine Gun Kelly will get attacked by KO again?  I’d enjoy that.

DREW!!!!!  MISTER T!!!!!!  HE’S SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE HIM LOOK AT HIM CALL EVERYONE BY THEIR LAST NAMES!

“Winner of the Gulak Match”- Micheal Cole, 2017

Alrighty, Swann mentioned again.

OH MY GOD DREW YOU FUCKING CUTIE SWIVEL CHAIRING AROUND SO HE CAN’T EVEN SEE MUSTAFA CLAPPING AT HIM.  Drew “There’s a lotta money working with Enzo but I’m going to casually not say how much” Gulak.  YOU HEARD IT HERE, PEOPLE ON THE STREET TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT DREW IS.  Drew IS honorable-ish.  The chances are very slim that he’s gonna be the one that ends up stabbing Zo in the back.  Much more likely that it’s the other way around.  ORrrrrrrrrrr that the other boys on the Zo Train will turn on Zo, and Gulak will be the only one that stands by him, a true and loyal friend despite the fact that they’re such an unlikely friendship.

Never stop asking Drew whether or not he’ll fight Enzo.  He is so bad at blatantly changing the subject and I love it, he is legit a horrible politician he’s so bad at two-facing it’s beautiful and amazing.

This just in, Davari just killed Neese with a beautiful spinning discus.  I love that move.  Great move.  Rest in peace, Tony Abs.

I don’t know if the other cruiserweights are inspired by him, but I am super inspired by Drew.  I love him.  Stop badgering the man Cole.  Friends can fight each other and it doesn’t necessarily mean an end to a friendship.  Not... all the time.

Man, Musafa has such pretty moves.  Gorgeous.  I love him.  Shut up Drew, it’s not disgusting.  Don’t actually shut up, I love you.  Oh, and look at Davari taking a play out of Drews- opps, nope, Cedric not letting that happen again- AHAHA “He’s not flying he’s falling!  He’s using gravity to his advantage!”  I wish we coulda seen Drew’s face when he said that.

So... I’m thinking it’ll be Cedric vs Gulak?  Yep.  Yep, it’s Ced- oh no, oh Drew, oh his face, he looks like he’s realized that he’s in trouble.  He totally is.  There’s gonna be some retribution coming Gulak’s way.  He might still win via some duplicitous means- I’m thinking probably Enzo helping Drew get the win so that he gets what he think’s’ll be an easy win against his lackey.  Fuck me, I love Drew Gulak, what a fantastic character, what a beautiful man.

Aaaaaand Roman vs Cesaro next.  Gonna be a slobberknocker.

BUT FIRST DREW AGAIN!!!  MORE DREW!!! YAY!!!!  “Friendly Trashtalk”-  Woah, woah woah woah, how dare you Enzo!?!  Be friends with that poor boy!  YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HIS POWERPOINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

NIA IS BEST WOMAN, LOVE HER, LOVES THE POWERPOINTS, ALSO DREW IS SO FUCKING CUTE “hai nia...!”  Seriously though if they’re going where I think they’re going with Nia and Enzo, I am NOT looking forward to it.  Enzo, right now, isn’t Eddie, and Nia ain’t Chyna.  Love Nia, I really really do, but they haven’t given her enough character to BE a Chyna.  And Eddie and Chyna was a long, slow build, you know?  They worked their way into it.  You can’t just throw an oddball couple together all the time and expect it to work.  Not without any lead up.  Fucking give us hints and glimpses and work up to it.  Don’t just throw it in my face all at once and go “Here you go, isn’t this a glorious couple!?”  No.  It’s outta no where, makes no sense, there’s no chemistry, please stop.

Man, I love me some Uppercuts. And some clotheslines.  These big boys are gonna beat the shit outta each other and it’s great.  Roman doing what Roman does best- hitting people hard.  And some joint manipulation from Cesaro.  Noice.  Awwww.... that’s not nice, Cesaro.  I’m sure like, probably more than half of that crowd likes Roman.  Yeah, I’m hearing what sounds like some kids chanting let’s go Roman.  Which, I mean, you know you’re at least doing something right if you got the kiddos cheering for you.  Annnnnd, Imma have to take a break watching this because the fujiwara hold always looks super gross and I never wanna see someone’s arm actually break.  Cat has perfect timing and has decided to lay on my face.  Thanks, Cat.  Duuuuuuuude, why you gonna- yeah, see, your arm’s already damaged, don’t try to punch someone with it you big ol handsome dingus.  He’s still got a spearrrrr fuccccck that was naaaaasty I hate it when they throw each other at the ring poooooooost aaaand... yep, okay, just gonna nosell there for a second, alright, I get it.

Man... Cesaro might actually win this.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense for him to win this, storyline, but he might.  Aw... man, I miss the swing, feels like I haven’t seen it in forever.

What the hell was that, why was the ref trying to separate them?  I get so confused nowadays.  Used to be we  could trust that if a ref did something like that, it’d be kayfabe stuff.  Now refs aren’t allowed to be part of the stories, so...  Eh.  I miss when we had like, heel ref shenanigans.  Whatever, guess I’m just old.  Not a bad fight, though, in the end.  Even if that ref spot was really weird.

Seriously tho, okay, when did Lesner even come into this rivalry between Kane and Braun???  That’s so random.  Wouldn’t be against Braun taking that fucking title off of Brock so he can just go the hell away again.  Can’t stand him, hated him when he was fighting in the UFC, hate him fighting now.  Best thing about Lesner is that Heymen’s his mouthpiece, and even that is still awful because Paul being Brock’s advocate means that he’s not advocating for more deserving talent.

Yay, Asuka match where she’ll kill someone in the ring!  And then’ll she’ll get surrounded  by- oh no, someone else killed Alicia first.  Yep, okay, so there’s finally going to be a showdown.  They’ve been teasing this for a while.  They’ll probably actually attack this time.  But if they really wanted to swerve, they’d show that Asuka is actually the one in charge of Absolution, all along.  That’d be great.  Not going to happen, but I’d really love Asuka being, like, in charge of a cutthroat female gang.  That’s go serious potential.  Asuaka would make a great mob boss.

Three on one, whatever Booker, it’s still Asuka.  Yeah, see, they wouldn’t let her just-  Ooooooh, Nia!  Nice.  Super nice.  Love it.  And even Foxy!  That’s sweet, lookit her being all savage.  Ehehe, fucking Nia just standing there like yeah, you forgot to take out me, that was a mistake.

Hey look!  It’s a Kurt segment that doesn’t start out with him looking at his phone!  And Jason being mature!!!  I don’t trust it.  They’re gonna turn this boy heel.  Yeah, okay, there we go.  That’s more what I was expecting.  Duuuude, don’t tease me with an Angle Joe match.  I miss those.  Those were fantastic, and I know that you’re not going to give them to me.

I hope Deans feeling a bit better now.  Last couple of times I’ve seen him fighting he’s seemed kinda foggy and outta it.  I worry about him.

AHAHA- Aj’s been Nice?  He put a man threw a car window.  I mean, that man was a McMahon, and I kind of loved it, but still?  Pretty sure even after his face turn he’s pretty solidly on the limbo between the good and bad list this year.

If Jason costs Ambrose this match Imma not be happy.  I’m really looking forward to this match.  Joe will actually let Dean be, you know, creative with his brawling.  And that’s where Deano’s best, when he’s allowed to be unorthadox.  And Yeah, yeah, Ambrose is definitely looking more all there.  ‘S’good.  Man, I’d kinda love for Joe and Ambrose to get in a match where Joe finishes him off in a coquina clutch and Dean doesn’t tap, he just passes the fuck out.  That’s such a glorious face move, refusing to give up even as your body gives up on you.

Loving the way Ambrose is bounding off the middle rope, tha’s beautiful- oh!  A slap!  Nice!  That’s a beautiful mistake.

Jason’s enjoying the match.  Good.  Me too.  JASON, NO.  YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE.  STOP WALKING.  Oooooh, good save there, Ambrose.  That’s my boy.  Dude.  Dude, no, Jason, don’t- what in the world is going on here?  Fuck me, Jason is going to cost Dean the- fuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkk, DAMMIT JASON.  Yeah, yeah, okay, now you’re in trouble.  I DIDN”T MEAN THAT I WANTED AMBROSE TO SLEEP IN THIS MATCH, ARGH!!!!

So, uh, Deano vs Jason next week?  Or for the next year?  Because let’s face it, Ambrose holds a grudge foreveeeeer.

Hey, Titus!!!! Apollo!!!!  And... Dana... yay...  Oh!  The good brothers!  I wish that I could say Nerds with such vim and vigor.  It’s a serious gift.

Also yay, no one got killed as Braun made his way to the ring???

Okay, come on, we all know Zayn and Owens ain’t getting fired, Daniel is going to get Shane out of the picture and take over the role as ref so it’s actually fair.  Or like, idk, Hunter or Steph are going to come out and fuck someone over.. Maybe Randy will turn, because, you know, he’s got a connection to Trips and also he’s been a face for like forever in Viper years and also we’ve got that unresolved stuff with Hunter giving the Universal Championship to Kevin, soooo....  Either way, someone getting screwed, and I’m pretty damn sure it ain’t going to be out canadian boyos.

Eheheheh, reinforcing the ring.  I hope they break it in two.  I love that shit.   So much fun.  Because I’m apparently still a baby.

Ummm... Pretty sure Kane’s most monstrous moments involved his various kidnappings of pretty ladies.  Or the time he tried to kill his Paul Bearer.  But you know, what do I know, I’ve just been literally watching Kane since he first premiered AS Kane.  Sure, yeah, most “monstrous” thing he’s ever done was thrown a man in a trash collector.  Yep.  That’s it.

A countout???  Boooooo...  Also... who’s going to go fight Brock now?  Someone’s gonna get Kayfabe murdered until there’s only one left to fight Bork.

Okay, they seriously need to stop with the whole fucking with people’s throats thing.  I don’t like it, it worries me, and also they make choking gagging noises which sets off my own gag reflex which is not fun.

oh hey, look, Braun became insta-face by bringing out a table.  I love how easy to please wrestling fans are sometimes.  Kane?  You okay?  That trip looked nasty.

OOOOOH!!!!  BRAUN HAS INHERITED THE MONSTER SIT UP MOVE!!!!  THAT’S SUPER EXCITING!!!!  That looks like a passing of the torch to me.  I like it.  I like where that could be heading.  Yes, good, good end to Raw.

#wwe raw #sassin about rasslin #monday night raw