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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 5 months

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Sketchbook Week Day 6 - Feast For The Eyes

Summary: Johanna is a cake artist who makes the most beautiful cakes in town. One day, she meets a new client who sounds a lot less certain about what she wants than she would have liked to be. And not just about her cake order, unfortunately.

Notes: Written for the @sketchbookweek day 6 prompt - Artist

Though tbh at one point this begins sounding like it was written for sun/moon. I promise it wasn’t, idk what happened (jk I do know. I got carried away by the fact that I dyed the docs in which I wrote this a pastel yellow and the symbolism and association got away from me)

Read it on ao3

They say you eat with your eyes first.

The saying had never made a lot of sense to Kaisa, to whom a frozen meal was the extent of her abilities in the kitchen. Food was just a way to keep her body up and moving, an obligation for when her hands started shaking and she felt grumpy all of sudden. If she stretched it, she could even go as far as saying that it was an excuse to spend time with the people she loved.

But this. This wasn’t food. Not like Kaisa knew it.

This was art.

The cake shop had been recommended to her by her wedding planner, and now she hadn’t a clue how she hadn’t heard about it before. Just looking at the showcase from the sidewalk had her gasping, and walking inside made her actually scared she’d damage some of those cakes just by existing near them. Kaisa was surrounded by piping work that flourished into almost realistic flowers, carved modelling chocolate figures that could very well have been found inside a toy store, tempered chocolate sculptures she was certain an engineer would have a hard time making. That was to say nothing of the colours, the drawings, the rice paper details, and the sheer height of some of the cakes she was looking at.

Yes, this would be it. Their cake would have to come from this shop, because Kaisa was sure nobody else would be able to do a better job of it. Whatever she ordered would be the best, and that was just perfect because the best was exactly what her bride deserved.

Adeline was already being put through the hardship of marrying her, after all.

The last drop for Kaisa was when she saw a cake that simply acted as if gravity was a mere detail it could ignore, with it’s icing covered in perfectly piped flowers and weeds and a watering can on top of it raining down ‘water’ upon the garden of buttercream, like it was being held by an invisible hand.

“Shut up!” She whispered to herself as she inspected the cake much closer than she probably should, trying to find the structure that was holding it up for the sake of her own sanity, but to no avail. Her soul damn nearly jumped out of her body when she heard someone chuckle behind her. She’d been so enthralled by the cakes that the thought to check if there was anyone by the counter hadn’t even occurred to her.

Kaisa jumped away from the cake - it felt like being caught red handed even if she had just been looking - and turned in the direction the chuckle had come from. It had indeed come from behind the glass counter, inside of which there were even more cake models. A woman stood there, gazing at her with amusement twinkling in her eyes. Mortifyingly, Kaisa’s first instinct was to say something extremely rude like ‘get out of here!’. She didn’t, of course, but she was beginning to feel like she’d stepped into some sort of cake wonderland. There was no way that woman was real. With her kind warm eyes and perfect auburn curls, skin rosy and peppered with the odd freckle, apron smeared with icing and buttercream of different colours making her look like a walking rainbow. Not to mention that her height made Kaisa feel small, not like a mouse or a bug but more like a queen’s loyal subject.

There was no way this woman was real. She looked more like a fairy, or maybe an angel than like a human being. And yet, she fit perfectly inside the cake shop, like she was the ultimate creation inside of it.

“Like what you see?” The woman asked with a smile, and of course, of course, her voice sounded like honey and warm chocolate ganache. Kaisa would deny it to her grave, but she blushed deeply at the question, terrified for a couple of mortifying seconds that she’d been caught staring at the woman’s beauty - while on the hunt for a wedding cake, of all things - before realising that she’d been looking at the cakes.

“Oh, yes!” She amended as quickly as she could, knowing that the moments of stretched silence weren’t ideal and that she’d been at fault for letting them exist at all. “These are - I’d say impressive, but that doesn't even begin to cover it. Like, wow. I can screw up a box mix cake, so you can imagine what looking at these feels like to me.”

It seemed to have been enough to remedy her awkwardness, because the angel at the counter smiled at her. Encouraged, Kaisa continued, stepping closer since she supposed it was generally what you did when you had to talk to another person. Even if that meant feeling the effect of that so very warm gaze even more strongly. Certainly that was why her face was heating up.

“Seriously, I have no idea how come I had never heard about this place before. Though it probably has something to do with never leaving my house.” She was fully aware that she was rambling by now, but the angel’s smile never dimmed. “My compliments to the chef, or whatever it is I’m supposed to say. Tell them that if they decided to credit their talent to some divine miracle I’d be more inclined to become religious, or something.”

At that, the other woman threw her head back and laughed, and fuck Kaisa had been right. She hadn’t been to church since she was very young, but that had to be what a heavenly choir sounded like. There was a single beam of direct sunshine making it through the trees on the sidewalk and the cakes in the showcase, and it hit the angel across the face making her brown irises shine with golden specks. Kaisa was reasonably sure she wasn’t making it out of this cake shop alive.

Except she was, because she was in love with someone else. That was enough for her. It should be enough for her.

“Message delivered.” Said the angel with a quirk to her lips. Kaisa blinked.

“What, this quickly?”

When a raised eyebrow was all the answer she got, Kaisa entertained the possibility of melting into a puddle of goo. Slamming her forehead on the glass counter also felt like a viable option, though she could see the merits in simply running away as well.

“Ugh, sorry. I’m not generally this much of a mess.” A lie, clearly, but the angel didn’t need to know that. “It’s just nerves, I guess. So you’re the owner of this shop?”

Extending one hand towards Kaisa, the woman smiled again, and she’d have to stop that, she’d really have to stop that because otherwise Kaisa might just drop her heart by her feet. There was flour and some other colourful smudges on her hand, but the librarian paid it no mind as she took the handshake.

“Yes, I am! I’m Johanna, it’s a pleasure to meet you. How can I help?”

“I need a cake.”

She was proud of herself for not saying something like ‘the pleasure is all mine’ (no way she’d be able to make herself sound not so bizarrely sincere saying that) and to even be able to speak at all after getting a name for the angel. Johanna. It was fitting. Warm. Reminded her of apple picking in the autumn. She was not, however, proud that she’d told the cake baker, in a cake shop that she needed a cake. It reminded her of all the patrons who had ever come to her to say they needed a book (in the library, to the librarian) and had earned an eye roll from her. Johanna, however, only nodded.

“Just to eat, or decorated as well?”

It surprised Kaisa that there was even a choice. She would never have thought to offend the woman’s artistic skills by just wanting to eat one of her cakes.

“Decorated, I suppose. It’s for, uh, it’s for my wedding.”

There was a long pause. Johanna’s smile seemed frozen for a second, and then it widened into a grin. Happy for her, of course she was. Why would a stranger feel at all disappointed that she was getting married? Or, an even better question, why would Kaisa care?

“Oh, congratulations! I suppose you’ll want a custom design, then?”

Will she? Kaisa had no idea, she just knew she’d been put on cake duty and was trying to do a moderately decent job of it. She was willing to trust absolutely anything the woman in front of her told her about it, though, so she just nodded.

“Yep. That’s about right. We’ll have about fifty guests, I guess.” Not that Kaisa even knew that many people. She’d invited her mother, sister, and best friend. Also her bosses, even if they sucked. Best to not let them know she hated them, and all that. The rest of them were all Adeline’s, seeing as her extended family all kept in contact with each other and their community was actually knit very tightly. Kaisa was happy for her, of course, but she didn’t really look forward to an evening of being introduced to people whose names she’d forget not a minute later. “I know that and our favourite cake flavours. I was hoping you’d be able to help me with the rest of the details.”

Though she’d almost been expecting to be called an idiot and told to come back when she had a clue about what she wanted, Johanna merely nodded. “Alright! Well, generally for custom designs I like to sit down with my clients for us to come up with the cake together. If that’s fine by you, you could come back - tomorrow, maybe? - and we could go over some ideas. I’m afraid I can’t be of help right now since one of my employees had an emergency so I’ve been having to double as a cashier today.”

“Oh, no worries.” I’ll see her tomorrow too! “That’s understandable.”

Johanna flashed her a grateful smile. “Why don’t you take our catalogue with some of the cakes we’ve made? Maybe it’ll help you know what you would - and wouldn’t - like.”

After she accepted the offer, Johanna crouched down and rose back up holding a small booklet that looked just a little worse for the wear. Kaisa thanked her for her time and wished her good luck getting through her short staffed day, and left with an appointment for tomorrow morning while decidedly not thinking about how she’d felt like she’d been hit by a jolt of electricity when their fingers brushed when she took the booklet.

…......

Kaisa let herself plop down on the couch of her dim one bedroom apartment. Technically, she’d been living at Adeline’s for a couple of weeks now. Most of her stuff was there already. But she hadn’t been able to make herself put her flat up for sale. Adele never questioned it, of course. Sweetheart that she was, she wouldn’t poke at Kaisa for something that brought her comfort, especially since that thing was the first home she bought for herself. Still, Kaisa felt the need to rationalise it. To tell herself she was waiting for a good opportunity. That maybe they’d find an use for a flat even though her future wife had her own house. That it was simply a fruit of her resistance to change that made her cling to the place she’d lived in for the better part of a decade. She rationalised if, because she was running from what she knew to be the truth.

That she was having second thoughts, that some part of her wished she’d never moved out at all.

It was far too early for this, Kaisa thought with a groan. This kind of doom thought pattern was reserved exclusively for after nine p.m. and the sun wasn’t even down, yet. She dragged herself around, making groaning sounds worthy of a low budget zombie movie, and forced herself into the shower. Any hopes of the hot water helping her to feel anything that wasn’t hollow were washed away alongside the dirt of the day (and flour, and buttercream), and she stepped out of her stall with her skin red from the heat.

Some of her comfort items had remained at the apartment, vestiges of a moment of sudden genius and self awareness when she’d been packing her stuff. She’d known she’d be back, and she’d known she’d be back when she needed those things the most. So Kaisa put on her fluffiest, worn down pyjamas and grabbed some of her plushies, dropping them by the couch on her way to the kitchen. After brewing herself a hibiscus tea, which she brought along to the living room, it was finally dark outside. So not yet nine, but late enough to feel sorry about herself, she supposed.

It used to be so much easier. She loved Adeline, she genuinely did. The woman had been her closest friend (considering Kaisa’s other friend and her antisocial tendencies, she’d really been Kaisa’s best option) for years, since they were studying Library Sciences together. They’d been by each other’s side all throughout the process of getting their first jobs, Kaisa at the municipal library and Adeline as a city hall archivist. It had been her arms that had held her through the hardest spots of her life, and her smile that she’d been faced with whenever she had good news.

Adeline was the funniest person she knew. The woman was kind and patient without a fault, and her excitement could light up entire cities. She was trustworthy, reliable, and understanding. Kaisa had absolutely no qualms whatsoever about the fact that she wanted her nearby her entire life.

So why did she feel like she was walking towards her execution?

She’d been the one to pop the question. She had kneeled before Adeline during a dinner at her favourite restaurant and asked if she’d have her hand. Yet now she counted the days with looming dread. The fluttery feeling in her belly weren’t butterflies, and she had no idea what to do about it.

Adeline was perfect. But since the reality of til death do us part had begun sinking in, Kaisa had begun to wonder if she was right for her.

Dating was one thing. They were young, still, and dating someone you don’t really have chemistry with was normal. To be expected, really. You tell yourself that either it will show up, or that you’ll both eventually find someone whose edges fit yours perfectly. But they were getting older, slowly but surely, and Kaisa couldn’t think of a single good reason to leave such a good woman, and neither did she want to put off an event she wanted to happen in her life, so why not? It had seemed not only like a good idea, but like a logical progression. It should not be eating away at her heart like it was.

Kaisa feels rotten for it. She was lucky enough to have found such an amazing person who actually puts up with her. It was beyond selfish to expect some sort of chemistry as well. She didn’t even know what that was, or what she’d been expecting. That whole sparks flying and heart stopping thing only happened in movies and fanfiction (heavens knew she’d written and read her fair share). Love in the real world was a choice. One she’d keep making every day until one day, hopefully, she actually deserved to be called Adeline’s wife.

The cake store’s booklet all but glared at her from where she’d left it at the coffee table. Like a fool drinking water to stop themselves from drowning, she picked it up.

…......

Kaisa showed up at the cake shop the following day, this time with an appointment and an actual idea of what she’d like. The cakes were no less impressive at a second glance, so it took her a second to orient herself once inside the baking paradise and realise that the face behind the counter was a new one.

“Hello!” Chirped the man, tall and lean with brown skin and long, slick, almost greyish black hair. “How may I help you?”

The unexpectedness of having to deal with someone other than who she’d come here to see gave her pause for a few seconds. The man was kind, though, and his face was carefully blank as he waited for Kaisa to gather her bearings. Eventually, she managed.

“I’m here to see Johanna?” She sounded way less certain than someone who had scheduled a meeting should. “She’s going to help me with a cake.”

The man raised his eyebrows in understanding, and gestured for her to come behind the counter. “Oh, she told me to expect you! Kaisa, is it?”

She nodded.

“Well, I’m Raven. Nice to meet you, miss, she’s waiting for you in the resting room. Past this door to the right.”

Following his instructions, Kaisa allowed herself further inside the bakery, past a wooden door that opened up two other options: forward into what was clearly the kitchen, since the double doors that guarded it didn’t go all the way up to the ceiling nor all the way down to the floor, allowing Kaisa a peep of the warm colours inside, and of the tops of towering stacked cakes. That, combined with the scent of clover and cinnamon and the clatter of pans was explanation enough. The other option was the one she’d been instructed to take, and she did, knocking on the door to the left, white paint peeling slightly at the bottom, before poking her head inside.

True to Raven’s word, Johanna was indeed inside and sitting at a wooden table. She opened a radiant smile to Kaisa as soon as her mind processed who she was seeing, and immediately got up to greet her properly.

Which was warmly, apparently. Everything Johanna did was so bright that Kaisa half wondered if the way her skin was feeling hot in her presence was just the beginning of a first degree burn. The baker got her to sit down on one of the other softly worn down chairs at the table, which made Kaisa realise just how homey their resting room was. There was a couch, also somewhat worn, and a couple of shelves with folders and recipe books. Pictures all around the walls, as well, a few showcasing cakes, but most of them being just Johanna with her staff. Two stood out as being the bigger ones; one of those seemed to be the shop’s opening day, a selfie that caught both the bakery’s front and the smiling faces of Johanna, Raven, and another man she hadn’t yet seen (but had heard his rattling about in the kitchen), with curly dark brown hair falling over most of his face and covering his features. The other one was a portrait of a single person. A young girl, blue hair tied back in pigtails, gap toothed and wearing a brown sweater that was entirely too big for her. She was looking at the camera - or, more likely, whoever had been behind it - with adoration.

“My daughter.” The baker said when she noticed Kaisa staring at the picture, and the librarian hastily turned to her to apologise for prying, but didn’t even get so as she was instantly faced with Johanna’s proud smile. “She’s at a friend’s house right now, but you could have caught her. She likes hanging around bothering Tontu or asking Raven questions.”

Kaisa tried to return her smile, but it was virtually impossible to do so, at least when you were her. The lopsided thing she offered could never have the thousands-of-gigawatts-generating power that Johanna’s had.

“She looks lovely.” Kaisa said, knowing in her bones that no one who had been raised by the woman in front of her could be anything but. Her heart squeezed a bit as she thought about a young person following her mother and friends around, all bright curiosity and eager gasps.

Adeline didn’t want children. They’d had this conversation, of course, and Adeline had stated that fact without any doubt whatsoever, and Kaisa had stuttered and assured her that the same went for her. And it did. Kaisa knew she wasn’t competent enough to be trusted with a child. It was fine. There was no reason to be acting weird about it.

“So-” Johanna said after thanking her and narrowly avoiding going on a rant about her daughter’s virtues to the new client, producing a notebook out of thin air. “Tell me, what do you have in mind?”

Not even trying to pretend she knew what she was talking about, Kaisa began listing off her ideas in the hope that Johanna’s expert mind could shift them into something doable. Even that was made harder by the fact that the angel kept staring at her throughout the entire explanation, though. She’d have had an easier time if her gaze had shifted to the notebook at least once, but it must be her modus operandi to give her clients her full attention, at least for that first part.

By the end, what they had was an idea about the flavours (tiers of chocolate and coffee for Kaisa, and others of almond and milk cream for Adeline), the decision of not having a shorter cake that was actually to eat and a taller cake that was just for show and simply decorating the smaller one, and that said decoration should include stuff that was reminiscent of the two of them.

What said “stuff” included, however, was a much harder question to answer. One which luckily Johanna seemed experienced in since she expertly stopped Kaisa from spiralling into a panic about not knowing what could even be said about her and her fiancee.

“What are you two like? Personality wise, I mean.” She prompted gently, and thinking about that was a lot more straightforward than trying to come up with symbols that represented them. That Kaisa could do.

“Oh, Adele’s intelligent and sweet.” She said with ease. Listing Adeline’s merits came as easy to her as reciting a poem. For all her anxiety, there were few people she’d even dare to compare to her bride. “She has so much energy, and for someone so nerdy and with supposedly boring interests, she has a ton of friends. Suppose she’s just likeable like that. Enjoys going out with them, being outdoors. I’m-” a miserable, lonely bastard. “- more introverted. I only really talk to a handful of people, and she’s one of them. She doesn’t tire me like most people do.”

Johanna had been watching her throughout her explanation, her smile growing bigger. She had one of those smiles that made her eyes look smaller when it pulled up her cheeks.

“Oh, you’re like the sun and the moon!”

The affirmation gave Kaisa a stop. It made sense, didn’t it? Yet the more she thought about it, the less it seemed to fit. It wasn’t that… well matched between them, she supposed. Which was just as well, she didn’t need that sort of thing. Sure, Adeline was a ray of sunshine, but for some reason, it felt wrong to give a meaning like that to what they had. Like it could put too much pressure on their bond and make it break when it couldn’t live up to the expectation.

Maybe they were a sun and a moon, but Kaisa didn’t feel like they belonged in the same system. She didn’t feel like they even belonged in the same galaxy.

Which was fine. They were the best of friends. They worked well together. No ill aligned stars made a single difference when it came to that. They were fine.

“I don’t think I’m romantic enough to go making these associations.” She answered at last, because explaining what was actually going on inside her head to the poor baker was not within the realm of possibility.

“You never know! The right person might awaken a side of you that you never knew existed.” She cooed, her smile turning compassionate. “But if it’s worth anything, I don’t go out much, either. Not many friends, other than Tontu and Raven.”

She blinked. It was worth something. A lot, really. Though she insisted she’d outgrown those insecurities, it still felt like a personal failure that her social life was virtually non-existent. But if Johanna was in the same situation, maybe she’d missed a memo and having few friends and staying home was what cool people were doing these days.

“What, you? Really?” She couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. “I would have guessed you had a line of people waiting to get to listen to you.”

Dial it down, her mind screamed at her, her mouth snapping shut as she processed how inappropriate she’d just been. That’s way too fucking much.

The angel blushed, making Kaisa worried she’d made her uncomfortable for a moment. If that was the case, she’d simply be left no choice other than to drown herself in the nearest body of water, unfortunately. No forgiveness for hurting a divine being, she supposed. But then the woman opened up a different type of smile, one that spoke of gratefulness and shyness at the same time, timid and leaning more to one side than the other.

It was just as beautiful in Kaisa’s eyes.

“Not many people think a single mother is the height of fun, I’m afraid.”

Kaisa’s heart skipped a beat when that sunk in.

Oh.

“Their loss.” In a rare moment of clarity, Kaisa just stated that and shrugged. She hadn’t a lot of experience with that sort of situation, but she figured that Johanna must have received far too much pity and fake sympathy which she didn’t need. Kaisa wasn’t going to add to that.

She didn’t catch the way Johanna stared at her in something akin to awe for a split second, but she did notice it when the baker made her attempt to get back on track, shaking her head and putting on her best customer service voice once more.

“Anyhow. Maybe we could focus on what you have in common, then!”

Kaisa sagged against her chair. “Well, we both like books-”

…......

Kaisa goes straight to her mother’s, after that, because it’s Saturday and she doesn’t have another excuse to not go back to Adeline’s house. It should be their house, now, but it didn’t feel like it. And she knew she’d only feel tainted if she dared to go in, look at her bright eyes and accept whatever she’d suggest as a way to pass their time, after having spent the better part of two hours pining over another woman. So she goes to Tildy instead, because the elderly’s sharp mind and quick tongue wouldn’t make her feel any better at all, not in the state she was in, but at least it wouldn’t be unfair to Adele.

It went as well as could be expected. Tildy had been cooking dinner when she arrived, and since Frida was busy with homework in her room, Kaisa put herself at her service without even having to be asked. Not that she knew what she was doing in the kitchen, that much we’ve established already, but following instructions (after decoding what Tildy meant, that is) was something she was well versed in.

That meant, of course, that she was more than close enough to her mother for her to pick up on her unease. That was made even easier by the fact that Tildy had been (literally) staring into her soul for the past few months, ever since she’d announced her plans to ask for Adeline’s hand. It confused Kaisa to no end. Her mother had always seemed to like Adele, since they were friends and also when they became girlfriends, and that much didn’t seem to have changed. Yet, at every chance, she hinted at something Kaisa truly didn’t understand.

It was off putting, after an entire life of understanding Tildy’s idiosyncrasies and oddities, to not catch the one that was aimed at her.

“Still haven’t changed your mind about a bachelorette’s, I suppose?” She asked when the quiche she’d been making was finally in the oven, after having tried to pry out of Kaisa why she looked so downcast and if everything was fine for nearly an hour.

The librarian chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh, yeah. Me, my mother, my middle school aged sister, and a hyperactive weather reporter. Great party, that would be.”

Giving her a stern look that at least partly tried to convey ’I’m very fun at parties’ (which Kaisa didn’t doubt, but she truly was the only one in the list that was), Tildy scolded her. “Darling, don’t patronise yourself. You have many other friends you could invite.”

That made Kaisa openly snort, letting herself fall down to the same familiar couch where she used to read when she was a teenager.

“Such as?”

For the first time in known history, Tildy did not have an answer to that.

Kaisa went home after dinner. Her home, the little apartment that still smells like tea and lavender instead of peonies and vanilla and makes her feel incredibly lonely. She listens to cliche romance songs, and doesn’t think about her bride.

…......

For some reason, which she suspects has a lot to do with character flaws she can’t even name, Kaisa shows up at the cake shop again a few days later. She reasoned with herself that checking in on the cake’s progress was a reasonable enough excuse, even if she didn’t think she’d have the gall to just straight up ask Johanna to see what had been done so far. With her complete lack of skill in tone regulation, it would be all too easy to sound pushy if she did so.

No explanations were necessary, however. When she arrived, she didn’t come face to face with Raven, on his own in that part of the shop like she thought she would since she figured that must be his job. Instead, Raven was there, but he was looking anxiously at where Johanna and the other man she hadn’t yet personally met were carefully setting down a cake that was at least a metre high. As soon as she caught sight of what was happening, she held her breath just like all the others were doing, and a collective sigh of relief was heard when the cake was balanced perfectly on top of the stand.

“See? Told you it could hold.”

“You’re a madwoman, Johanna.”

“I appreciate the trust, Tontu.”

Raven cleared his throat loudly, causing the bickering bakers to turn to him, only to then look at Kaisa when he pointed at her and mouthed ‘client!’

The blush on Johanna’s face was entirely a result of the effort of carrying such an enormous cake, she was sure.

“Kaisa!” The woman squeaked happily. “I was just thinking about you!”

Fatal blow. Many dead, hundreds hurt, et cetera et cetera. Kaisa looked around as if anyone was going to offer her a script or at least a couple of options of what to say in that situation. Nobody was so kind, though, so she was left scrambling for something normal to say.

“You… were?” Nailed it.

“Yes!” Johanna brushed her hands against each other, making specks of powdered sugar fall to the floor. Tontu walked away to the back of the shop mumbling about cleaning the floor and something else that Kaisa didn’t get. “We were experimenting on a new pastry, and it’s your favourite flavours. A croissant with cocoa in the batter and a tiramisu inspired filling.”

Kaisa must really be a sight to behold, standing uselessly around with a huge question mark on her forehead. Johanna simply kept staring at her with that same kindness, while Raven began looking like he was pretending to not be in the same room.

“Wait, you bake?” Realising the downright idiotic question that was, she immediately amended. “I mean, beyond cakes?”

“We do!” Johanna chirped with a flourish of her hand that, Kaisa realised, was meant to point at a glass showcase in which she had never realised there were not cakes, but many different pastries. Which also brought her attention to the fact that there were chairs and tables inside the shop, which would make no sense if it were only a place to order cake in.

She really was fucking stupid, huh.

Though truth be told, she probably deserved some credit. Everybody’s vision blurred around the edges when they were staring directly at the sun. Kaisa opted for the easy way out: awful humour.

“Damn, you can decorate, you can actually bake tasty stuff, is there anything you can’t do?”

Johanna put her hands on her hips, and deadpanned with a completely straight face.

“Simple maths.”

Kaisa had no other option than to throw her head back and laugh.

“Fair enough. I’m quite useless at it too.” She admitted, thinking about how she’d been asking Victoria for help with her taxes - resulting in her having to trust that the woman wasn’t making her commit fraud, a huge risk to take - ever since she began having to pay them. “And I don’t even have the excuse of being an artist to make up for it.”

The baker’s eyes were twinkling when she looked back at her, a smile dancing on her lips. “You’re far too kind. They’re just cakes.”

As if anyone could ever be ‘far too kind’ to her. All the goodwill one could offer this woman wouldn’t be enough. An angel like her could only ever deserve more. “They’re masterpieces. You’ll do well not to insult them like that when they can hear you, it might decrease the morale around here.”

Johanna choked back a laugh, making Kaisa marvel at how her horrendous sense of humour apparently… hit its mark with this woman, somehow. Heavens knew she must be way too clever to actually think Kaisa was funny. Some traitorous brain cell offered her the thought that Adele only laughed out of politeness and affection most times, an ‘oh, Kaisa, you’re so silly’ type of sentiment. She quickly cut that synapse short.

Unexpectedly, as soon as she stopped laughing Johanna pulled up the chair that was closest to her.

“Sit down. I’ll get you one of them to taste.”

“Oh, that’s really too kind-”

“No, I insist.” The gentle tone still somehow left no room for arguing. Kaisa had the alarming realisation that she’d do anything this woman told her to. “It was, after all, inspired by your order. Just fair that you get to approve of it.”

“Oh?” Kaisa lifted her eyebrows playfully. “And what guarantees you that I’ll approve of it?”

When Johanna passed by her on her way to the other side of the counter, they couldn’t tell who was to blame for the back of their hands brushing against each other.

“Oh, you will.”

Kaisa shouldn’t have accepted the courtesy. She shouldn’t have sat down to eat it and compliment the pastry. She shouldn’t have been so glad when Johanna sat down in front of her. She shouldn’t have spent the better part of three hours talking to the woman, then. And if she did, she shouldn’t have kept noticing how extremely kind she was, and smart, and funny, and how they played off of each other in a way that made her think they’d never run out of things to talk about. And when she got up to leave, she shouldn’t have felt tempted to hug Johanna goodbye, or to brush a stray curl away from her face.

She shouldn’t. But she did anyway.

…......

Kaisa went back to the house, after all. Not their house, not her house, not even Adeline’s house. She’d taken to thinking about it as just that, the house, a miserable thing that belonged to no one and was only there to remind her of how ungrateful she was.

But that was just Kaisa, wasn’t it? Life could be a bed of roses and she’d still find a way to complain about the thorns.

Adele had been there, gentle and sweet as ever. They’d ordered in and watched a movie, and didn’t even pretend to argue over which to pick, knowing the point wasn’t really what they were watching so much as passing the time. Come morning, they had waffles for breakfast - Adeline could moderately cook - and discussed the book they’d both just finished reading.

‘Discussed’ might not be the appropriate word, however, for the conversation that involved essentially just agreeing with each other’s opinions. It hardly lasted fifteen minutes.

Which was good. It was fine. This sort of lining up of opinions meant there would hardly ever be any major disagreements in their married life.

So why was Kaisa now organising the romance books as if the tomes had personally offended her?

Ah, well. It was because they were full of drivel, of course. Ridiculous notions about there only being one way to do love right, about something as silly as destine being more important in a relationship then effort. They were pathetic. And maybe the fact that she’d read so many of them when younger was the reason why she now felt so unsure about a perfectly fine marriage.

Which she’d asked for.

One book escaped her clutches when she’d been holding it on top of the ladder, falling down with a thump to the ground; Kaisa bit her fist to stop herself from screaming in frustration. She climbed down hastily, part of her mind figuring that falling down and breaking her neck would be an easy way out of everything, to pick up the copy of Wuthering Heights.

The book had fallen cover down on the floor, falling open with the collision. The page it was in still had the pencil underlying of an uneducated borrower on one paragraph, dragging Kaisa’s eyes to it.

“He shall never know I love him: and that, not because he’s handsome, but because he’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made out of, his and mine are the same.”

Kaisa closed the book and shoved it in the nearest open spot, messing up the entire shelf’s organisation.

…......

The bakery’s phone number had sent Kaisa a message to let her know her order was ready to be picked up. It made her spend the entire rest of her day with a heavy heart she couldn’t explain, like this last visit was more binding than the walk down the altar would be. She was told she could arrive after leaving the library, even if it would already be after hours according to their schedule.

She almost hoped to find no one there, so she could postpone this even if just one more day. No such luck. The lights inside were dim enough that no one would mistake it for open, but bright enough to make out the shape of Johanna, sitting by herself at one of the tables with her focus on a sketchbook she was doodling on. When Kaisa rapped her knuckles on the glass door, she immediately looked up and got up with a smile to unlock the door.

The baker took her inside the kitchen, this time, which Kaisa held as an honour. Certainly she wouldn’t have been allowed into the space where all of Johanna’s passion blossomed if she hadn’t somehow proven herself trustworthy.

“You must really love what you do-” Kaisa mused out loud, not even bothering to pretend to only be there for her cake as she looked around openly at the space. “-to be this good at it.”

To her surprise, when she stopped admiring how much more of an art atelier than a kitchen the place looked and turned back to Johanna, the baker was looking at her. Or staring, more like. Her gaze was so intense that Kaisa had the impression she could physically feel it on her skin.

Which was silly, of course. But if she was helpless to do anything but step closer, well. Did anyone ever blame the planets for orbiting around the sun?

“It was a sort of therapy for me, at first.” Johanna admitted, guiding Kaisa’s gaze to a workbench that seemed to exclusively have realistic cakes which used mimicking techniques to pass for other foods and objects. “I began when I was a teenager and not in the best spot. I took to baking whenever I felt stressed.”

The woman hugged her own middle, staring down at her cakes even as Kaisa walked to her side, as if she was cold. Which Kaisa thought was insane. No one so warm should be capable of ever even feeling chilly.

“And, well, when you do something so often, you inevitably get good at it, I suppose.”

Kaisa didn’t know what to make of her forlorn voice. “You go to great lengths to avoid admitting you’re just plain great at what you do. I’ve been cooking for myself for years and I’m still a fire hazard in the kitchen. It’s not a linear logic.”

Johanna’s only reaction was a quick, forced quirk upwards of the left corner of her lip, but Kaisa couldn’t see it. She continued speaking, because anything was better than this feeling that Johanna was sad and because she knew it would be her last chance to talk to this woman. After the wedding, she wouldn’t be able to come back there. Not ever. It just wouldn't be fair. Not being able to avoid falling for someone when she was in a committed relationship was one thing. Allowing those feelings to develop was entirely another.

“It’s better than what I do when I get anxious.” She remarked. “One of these days I’m going to run out of fix-it fanfic to read.”

The way Johanna suddenly looked at her and blinked with a confused face made her fear that she was about to have to explain what fanfiction was to another adult, but then she let her eyes fall shut and laughed genuinely, and yes, that was much better, even if she was laughing at her.

Though, for some reason, Kaisa didn’t think she was.

“At least your coping mechanism doesn’t get your blood sugar levels dangerously high.”

“No, but it fucks up my sleeping schedule, so it’s kind of a pyrrhic victory, isn’t it?”

One auburn eyebrow was lifted. “What, like you can’t stop and pick it up again the next day?”

“When I’m halfway through a hundred thousand word slow burn and having to make it past the angst part of it? Absolutely not. Would you leave a cake overnight in the oven?”

Johanna chuckled and shook her head in a way Kaisa’s battered heart wanted to think of as fondly, and her spirits were immediately lifted at having cheered her up from whatever had been bothering her even if now that meant they’d have to stop talking and actually get to business. Talk about a pyrrhic victory.

Her arms were still around herself, though, which meant that when they walked further into the kitchen for her to show her the cake, Kaisa could barely spare a thought to the jaw droppingly beautiful creation. Not when Johanna was so clearly gripping into her own arms in a way that had to be bruising.

Yet the angel maintained her smile.

She showed her how it had turned out with that perfect customer service voice that Kaisa hated for how robotic it sounded, even if she reminded herself that she was just a customer. They’d agreed on the toppings not being the brides, since that was a tad too cliche for them, but rather it was a modelling chocolate model of the tree under which they’d had their first date. The buttercream was a light orange, Adeline’s favourite colour, with accents of gold leaf in flower shapes. There were other details on the cake, references to books they both enjoyed, to the university they’d gotten their Masters at, but what Kaisa couldn’t stop thinking about, when she did manage to pay attention to the cake, was the obvious care that had been put into every detail.

Kaisa swallowed down a lump in her throat. It did not go away.

When she managed to get out of her own head for long enough to realise that Johanna was probably waiting for a reaction, she opened the brightest grin she could manage - hoping it was not, in fact, a grimace - and sang her honest praises to it. She didn’t know what she’d done wrong, though. Johanna only seemed to grip her own arms tighter.

Though Kaisa offered to help, Johanna carried the cake to the counter in the cake shop on her own. Probably for the best, too, considering Kaisa’s known lack of upper body strength. There, she placed the cake inside a box that was meant for safe carrying.

Kaisa had already paid for half of the cake upfront, and now took the exact sum that had been missing from her pocket. When she lifted it up for Johanna to take, the baker shook her head.

“Don’t.” She said simply, and Kaisa frowned.

“What do you mean, ‘don’t’? Johanna, it's your payment.”

“I know.” The woman opened a smile completely at odds with the sheer sadness in her eyes. “I don’t want it. Consider it a wedding gift.”

Mouth opened to protest, Kaisa found herself at a loss for words as Johanna placed the box on her arms. If Johanna hesitates before letting her take it, then either she doesn’t notice it, or she takes it as the woman wanting to be sure she has a proper grip on her creation and isn’t going to drop it as soon as her hands go away.

Instead of a vehement denial of the gift, Kaisa found herself saying something so corny that she’d cringe whenever she thought back to this moment in the future.

“How can I repay you?”

Johanna’s voice, no matter how much she tried to hide it, was strained when she spoke.

“Be happy. Please.” She blushed when Kaisa actually let out a small gasp at how honest she sounded. “Goodbye, Kaisa.”

As the bride walked away, she couldn’t help but feel she’d be indebted for the rest of her life.

…......

She could not go through with the wedding.

Kaisa was a creature of habit. Of planning. Of sticking to an idea to the world's end once she decided on it. So it was no walk in the park for her to come to that decision.

But she did, because if a situation was dire enough that she couldn’t ignore it, then things were very bad indeed. She hadn’t been able to go back to Adeline’s house after picking the cake up. She’d gone home, cried herself into a truly apathetic state, and scourged ao3 for a nice, long, fix-it fic about star crossed lovers. The first few she clicked on annoyed her, one had no paragraph breaks and another seemed averse to using commas, but eventually she found a well written story that scratched her itch.

She supposed she’d gotten very demanding in her tastes, lately.

She’d woken up sleep deprived and miserable, naturally, which made for as good of a day at the library as you might imagine. A patron asked for a romance book recommendation. She gave them a copy of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and pretended she didn’t hear it when they mumbled that that was a tragedy and not a romance.

Weren’t all love stories?

Back at her apartment, she called her best friend even if just to listen to a voice she knew instead of the same songs on repeat.

“Victoria, you’ve been married for a long time.”

“That I have.”

“How did you know you were in love with her?”

“I started asking myself questions like ‘how do I know I’m in love with her?’”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me.”

By the third day in which she couldn’t bring herself to go back to Adeline’s, her fiancee messaged her, asking if everything was alright.

Kaisa had never been a good liar.

“I’m not sure.” She typed and strangled a sob as she started the next message. “I think I need to talk to you”

Her heart hammering on her chest, she attempted to lie on her side in her bed, facing the wall, and catch some sleep. Meaning she didn’t see it when her screen lit up with an answer.

“Me too.”

…......

The atmosphere was tense when they met up for brunch the next day. It was entirely Kaisa’s fault, though, because Adeleline was being perfectly sweet and Kaisa was just walking around like there was a rain cloud over her head.

“Alfur said that the bakery where you ordered the cake has great pastries! Why don’t we go there?

Kaisa shivered, and looked down to hide her shameful blush. “Better not. It’s too far.”

Theirs was not a conversation to be had over coffee and bagels, though, so they ate - and for a couple of minutes, it was easy and pleasant like it had been for so many years, like Kaisa had gotten her best friend back when she didn’t even know she’d lost her - and then went back to the house. Truth be told, Kaisa’s legs felt so weak as she followed her bride inside that she was proud of herself for making it without collapsing on the floor in a guilty puddle.

She hadn’t done anything wrong. She knew she hadn’t. But she still felt like she’d stabbed a loved one’s back and the loved one was smiling at her nonetheless.

They sat down on the couch, not even pretending there wasn’t an elephant in the room but rather inviting it to step closer and step on their heads, maybe. What were crushed skulls next to a broken heart? Memories of reading together, of watching movies, of talking about their days flooded their minds as they dared themselves to be the bravest they ever were.

“This is hard.” Adeline said, and Kaisa could only nod as she stared with an unfocused gaze at nowhere in specific. “What if we both say what we want to at the count of three?”

That could go terribly wrong. But Kaisa had always been helpless to humour her. So she allowed her to count down the seconds, each accompanied by a stronger beat of Kaisa’s heart, until one came and it flew out of her mouth before she could think twice.

“I can’t go through with the wedding.” They both said, exactly at the same time.

The silence that follows is nothing short of stunned. They turn to look at one another, sporting similarly wide eyes. Except Kaisa’s lips are parted in surprise and Adeline’s are beginning to shape a smile. Something like static is buzzing inside the librarian’s mind.

“Well, this might be a lot easier than I thought.” Her bride chirps. “Why don’t we tackle the ‘whys’ this time?”

Kaisa nodded dumbly, feeling like at any moment people with cameras and microphones would jump from behind the furniture and announce that it was all a prank.

No one did.

And when the countdown was done, they braced themselves for this time dissonant admissions.

“I fell for someone else.” Kaisa said with her eyes shut tight as Adeline breathed out “I’m aromantic.”

When they looked at each other then, Kaisa looked even more floored, and instead of smiling Adeline began to openly laugh, filing the living room with the joyful sound.

“What the fuck?” Kaisa exclaimed, gaping. And then her brain began trying to process the information, and the other woman’s laughter began getting to her and she repeated, this time with mirth and a confused grin. “What the fuck?”

“I'm sorry!” Adeline had to make an effort to stop cackling at their honestly ridiculous predicament, moisture gathering at her eyes for all the right reasons. “I only realised it recently. I mean, I’ve always known, but I think I was avoiding it. And lately I’ve had reasons to try to understand my feelings better. I don’t think I’ll ever feel romantic attraction towards someone. But I’ve come to realise that that’s different from queerplatonic attraction. Which… I do feel for someone.”

Kaisa nodded, listening intently and doing her best to showcase it though her body language as well.

“And I also noticed that that’s slightly different from friendly love. Which is how I feel about you.” Adeline took her hands; they had always been warm and delicate. Now they felt a little bit sweaty, and it made Kaisa relieved to know she wasn’t the only one suffering with nerves. “I know there are aromantic people who marry their friends, or their platonic partners. Whatever form of love brings people together is more than valid, I’d say. But I know it’s not what you signed up for. I know you’re a hopeless romantic, even if you try to deny it. And sure, we work well together because we respect and like each other so much. But I’ll give you honesty, Kaisa, because I care about you and I feel like we’ve been lacking on that front. I don’t think I want to marry you.”

They breathe for a moment, and it’s the most free they’ve felt since they could remember.

“I am so happy for you, Adele.” She’s still a bit stunned, but it’s beginning to make sense. A lot of moments from the course of their relationship were, to be honest. She had gotten the feeling that Adeline had been containing something, that she’d been forcing herself to go along with a plan she didn’t want, but she’d always brushed it away as being her own paranoia about being unlovable. How could Kaisa not be happy? This was her best friend, and she was finally out of her cage. “This must have taken a lot of introspection and certainly a lot of courage. Thank you for telling me. Both for trusting me with this information and for being so honest about it.”

Adeline squeezed her hands. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t trust you with, Kaisa. You’re still the person who I’d have agreed to spend my life with. Being aromantic doesn’t change that.”

She squeezed her hands in return, trying to convey all her feelings of fondness and gratefulness at the same time. It all made sense, then. They weren’t the sun and the moon; there was only one sun in Kaisa’s life and she had made her peace with it at last. Adeline was, truth be told, too sweet to be something as blinding as the sun.

It had been right in front of her the entire time: Adele was the earth. Calming and steady, the only one among them all that could actually hold life. Adeline was safe. She’d always been Kaisa’s anchor, and something told her she’d remain so even after this entire ordeal. She kept Kaisa in orbit with her gentleness, her encouragement, and now, with her bravery.

Kaisa could cry. She must be a weird sight, looking at her (former?) bride with so much open adoration when they’d just admitted to not want each other in that way. Adeline scrunched up her nose in a way that told her she was about to be silly.

“So…” She drawled. “Who’s your girl?”

Kaisa scoffed. “I thought you were my girl”

Adeline laughs again, and how come Kaisa hadn’t realised she’d been doing that so rarely lately? “Come on, Kai. I’m not the one who fell in love with someone else.”

“I know, I know, I’m just… relieved. I thought I was going to lose you.”

With a gentle smile and without letting go of her hands, Adeline bumped their knees together. “You’re never going to lose me, Kaisa. I may not be in love with you, but I do love you. Very much. You’re so special to me and I’m so glad we had the self awareness to talk about this before we could go through with the wedding and it actually got in our way.”

A weight dropped from Kaisa’s heart, as if gravity had been abolished and she was finally free to float. The moon could never lose the earth. But she couldn’t deny that her glow came from the sun, either.

Kaisa swallowed, unable to resist the urge to look away as she blushed with the admission. “The baker. Who I fell for, I mean. But I promise we never-” She rushed to defend herself, even if she didn’t know what from. “I wouldn’t-”

Adeline squeezed her hands again, knowing that would ground her, a perfect gravitational center. “I know, Kaisa. I trust you.”

It was all Kaisa could do not to let herself slide down from the couch all the way down to the floor in sheer relief. Not even in her best dreams could she have imagined that conversation having gone so well. And then her brain picked up on something else from Adeline’s speech.

“You… said you have a crush on someone? A queerplatonic one?”

It filled the librarian with a sadistic sort of glee to see Adeline being the one who turned a shade of beet red this time. She loved it when she wasn’t the one on the spot.

Adeline nodded. “Our wedding planner.” She admitted shyly, making Kaisa lean back on the couch and laugh.

“Alfur? Damn, Adele, at least I didn’t fall for a guy!”

Giving her a playful shove, her (definitely former) bride grinned. “Are you a biphobe, now?”

“Will it make telling everyone we’re calling off the wedding easier if I let you think so?”

Somehow, such a heavy topic didn’t feel like a minefield anymore. It felt like when they were younger and did stupid things just to see if they could get away with it, like writing utter nonsense on their essays to find out if the professor even really read them. It felt like they’d laugh about it, not only in the future, but as soon as each new remark came. It felt easy. It felt like friendship. Adeline giggled again, rolling her eyes fondly.

“Can’t believe you had the gall to suggest we have brunch somewhere just because Alfur recommended, just to then throw around the news that you have a crush on him.”

The archivist gasped and looked at her with completely feigned hurt. “And you had the gall to deny me my pastries because you’re in love with the baker!”

“That’s fair. Guess we really were made for each other. Platonically.” Kaisa smiled softly, already planning on bringing a selection of Johanna’s pastries for Adeline to try as soon as everything was cleared up.

“Does that mean I get my best friend post back?”

“Obviously.”

She punched the air in victory. Whatever the opposite of a pyrrhic one was, this time. Kaisa didn’t think there had ever been a win-win situation in the universe that had been so perfectly aligned. “I’m going to rub it in Victoria's face that she’s been demoted again.”

Kaisa laughed again, allowing a pleasant feeling to unfurl completely on her chest and make her feel giddy with it. They were going to be fine. They were all going to be fine.

“I really do love you, Adele”

“And I, you, Kaisa.” She says as brightly as she grins. “And I’m not ever going to marry you.”

…......

A few days later, Kaisa used her lunch break to take the walk from the library straight to the park in front of Johanna’s bakery.

She thought about going inside, but what the hell was she going to say? Show up during her work hours and say “my wedding was ruined before it even began and it’s all your fault, thank you so much”? That didn’t sound like a normal thing that normal people did - not that she’d know much about that - so she let herself fall to one of the dark green benches, the paint peeling at some places and making bubbles in others.

It was a nice day. Couple of clouds, just enough for the sun to not be hitting her directly. Even the birds were singing nicely. It felt like the perfect set up to go reenact a Hallmark movie, but she knew she was procrastinating. What was the hurry, though? She wasn’t on a timeline anymore. There was no special date looming in her future in which her entire life would change. She was, in fact, back to square one. Back to wondering ‘could anyone ever love me?’ and ‘am I even capable of maintaining a relationship?’

She supposed she’d have her entire life to answer these questions, now.

But before that, she had to make this stop.

Honesty had gotten her this far, after all.

Not that she was making any progress on that front. The relief from knowing she wouldn't have to force herself to do anything combined with her typical fear of failure came together to make a very potent tranquilliser, apparently. She sprawled herself on the bench, resting her head against the back of it, and allowed the rays of the sun to warm her, eyes closed and mind wandering.

When suddenly she felt the heat cease, and light was no longer making it past her eyelids, she opened her eyes to see what the matter was. She’d been expecting a cloud. Her heart began hammering in her chest when what she saw was a different sun.

“Kaisa? Is everything okay?” Johanna asked with her hands twisting in front of herself. That made sense, Kaisa thought. She should have prepared herself for that. She must be quite the image, thrown on some bench in front of Johanna’s workplace. Of course the dear woman would come check in on her.

“Yeah, thank you.” And then, because she quite literally had nothing to lose, she added. “My wedding was called off.”

Johanna blinked, looking around as if she expected to find some explanation to what she’d just been told. Kaisa managed a tired smile, lifting her left hand for her to see for herself that there was no longer a rose gold band in it.

“Oh.” She breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kaisa said, shrugging. “She's my best friend. We aren’t fit to be anything else. We’re both glad to have decided to abandon ship.”

The cogs in the artist’s mind seemed to be working, and she frowned, something undecipherable flashing in her eyes. “So you’re… happy?”

“I guess I am. Happy to have called it off, sure. Happy to be back at my old apartment. Happy I won’t be getting a hundred new names worth of extended family to memorise.”

Johanna failed to hold back a snort.

“I could be happier, though, I suppose.” Kaisa said with all the recklessness of someone who had just found out that sometimes, when you asked for things, you got them. Who could ever have imagined? “There’s a reason I noticed I couldn’t go through with it, after all.”

She’d never allowed herself to appreciate how beautiful Johanna was. She’d noticed it, of course, much against her will, but she had cut those thoughts short before they could become something to feel guilty about. She didn’t need to anymore. She could let herself be fascinated by how her hair curled perfectly, by the couple of freckles dotting her skin, by her strong looking hands and the rosy bottom lip being bitten down on in her confusion.

“Oh?” She breathed, sounding like she didn’t know what else to do. Kaisa sent a prayer to any deity that could hear and sat up straighter.

“At the risk of making a complete ass of myself, would you like to pop over mine for tea someday? I’ve got this delicious cake by an amazing cake artist just waiting there, and it’s far too big for me to eat on my own.”

The birds sounded awfully loud during the silence between the invitation and her answer. It was the first time Kaisa reached for something she really wanted, telling herself that it wouldn’t matter that she’d lose it eventually, not if the other option was never having it at all. She had no idea if she’d ever manage to strike Johanna’s interest. Much less if she’d manage to keep it, should she be allowed the chance. But if she were, then she had no doubt it would be the most awe inspiring eclipse of her life.

Johanna shifts her weight between her feet. It doesn’t look like she’s going to say no, but judging by her face Kaisa doesn’t really fancy her chances either.

“I have no idea what kind of person you are.” She stated, not at all accusingly. Kaisa shrugged.

“Naturally.”

“But kids are good judges of character.” Kaisa lifts her eyebrow in askance. “And I trust mine. Hilda’s inside the shop. Would you come in and meet her?”

Suddenly feeling that reckless sort of bravery be replaced by giddiness, Kaisa stood up so quickly she was afraid she was going to faint for a second. “May I?”

Johanna nodded, face scrunched up as she attempted not to smile. Kaisa made no such effort.

“If I pass her judgement, will you go out with me?”

With an exhale, Johanna glanced at Kaisa’s hand, debating whether it would be weird to hold it.

“I’m not a very smart person, Kaisa.” There was no time for her to protest against that ridiculous lie before Johanna shook her ground. “I think I’m going out with you either way.”

Johanna was the sun. Kaisa knew that, because she was the moon, and who could ever be a better judge of that than her? But anyone who happened to be passing by them could easily switch them up. Few things had ever shone as strongly as the smile on Kaisa's face.

#... if you got to the end of this plz read my end notes on ao3 #it's too much to put in the tags but I think theyre amusing sjkdksdf #essentially though: this verse's Kaisa song is High Infidelity. Johanna's is Speak Now. Adeline is onto some ivy shenanigans #but evolves to ME! before either of the other idiots #theyre all living in their own Taylor Swift song and not talking about it KJSDFKJFD #sketchbookweek #my fic #fic: ffte #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda

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gendrie · 1 year

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can you talk more about how arya will have the best understanding of life and death? this really interests me bc obvs arya is the most connected to the stranger, the many faced god and the whole idea of death as a gift of mercy vs death as punishment which keeps cropping up in her story. and then that furthers her resolution with lsh bc stoneheart is a violation of life and death. its so interesting to me.

i think its interesting too. the value of life contrasted against the inevitably of death is one of the biggest themes in the series. the story is driven by human characters; their feelings, their perspective and the choices they make, but theres always that presence of mortality looming over every single one of them.

“Truth is sometimes hard to hear. Two of the central phrases are true, but they are not truths that most human beings like to contemplate. Winter is coming and Valar morghulis – all men must die. Mortality is the inescapable truth of all life . . . and of all stories, too.” GRRM [x]

it isn’t out of some nihilist mindset. it’s just the truth. arya’s storyline is about the truth as much as it is about life/death. she makes a constant effort to see things as they truly are. it’s not at all a coincidence that arya’s pov strongly features “winter is coming” AND “valar morghulis” (the only other character both appear in is tyrion iirc) so thats significant. people point out her association with death all the time, but it’s usually just so they can pretend she’s "too far gone” and won’t survive the series. theres a lot of reasons she has this connection and none of them are because she’s dying. au contraire! arya is going to be one of the ultimate stories of survival because she has been threatened by death so closely.

"You are too young to be burdened with all my cares," he told her, "but you are also a Stark of Winterfell. You know our words." "Winter is coming," Arya whispered. "The hard cruel times," her father said. "We tasted them on the Trident, child, and when Bran fell. You were born in the long summer, sweet one, you've never known anything else, but now the winter is truly coming. Remember the sigil of our House, Arya." "The direwolf," she said, thinking of Nymeria. She hugged her knees against her chest, suddenly afraid. (Arya, AGOT)

the starks are associated with death in general. theres a huge emphasis in the story on their crypt (a place of fear for many, but strength for some like arya and bran) and their house words are a reminder of mortality and times of hardship. that harsh reality is the foundation of house stark. “the hard cruel times” ned tells arya after her brother has lays comatose and her friend brutally murdered. this is her second chapter and its just a taste. arya is going to witness a horrific disregard for human life. for arya it was kill or be killed.

"So you say, but might be the boy knows something we don't, maybe it's us ought to be run . . ." Yes, Arya thought. Yes, it's you who ought to run, you and Lord Tywin and the Mountain and Ser Addam and Ser Amory and stupid Ser Lyonel whoever he is, all of you better run or my brother will kill you, he's a Stark, he's more wolf than man, and so am I. (Arya, ACOK)

the direwolves get a lot association with death too because they are hunters. life/death is just another cycle of nature and arya's got a lot of those too (moon phases, water motif). like the wolf arya values her pack. which is why losing them has, literally, threatened her own survival. arya has so much to do with death because her grief is so tremendous. every death chips away at her sense of self. a couple days ago i posted the moment where arya receives the news that bran and rickon were killed and winterfell fallen and its great example bc her immediate reaction is: “AM I STILL ARYA?” it was the same with ned and the red wedding was the worst of all bc that was her last hope to be reunited with robb and her mother. all the characters deal with this to one extent or another but only arya is so harmed by it that she’s driven to become “no one” thats identity rock bottom

All men must die. That was what the words meant, the words that Jaqen H'ghar had taught her when he gave her the worn iron coin. She had learned more Braavosi words since they left Saltpans, the words for please and thank you and sea and star and fire wine, but she came to them knowing that all men must die. (Arya, AFFC)

now, she’s in a place where they worship death. she is depressed and vulnerable and attempting to join their ranks which will require she kill herself. essentially. suicide is a core element in the hob&w. but she won’t be able to do it. (for a variety of reasons) arya hid needle, the symbol of her life, and promised she would be back, telling herself that death cannot have it!!!!!!!

“Theres a certain grim intellectual power behind the faith of the Faceless Men, valar morghulis, all men must die, and you know all men do die so it doesn’t seem to matter what god they pray to in the end they’re dead. Which would seem to indict that the god of death is a really, really powerful god and maybe one that we should pay attention to.” GRRM [x]

but i don’t think its not all bad. the things arya is learning there can be valuable. not just the abilities, but their philosophy. it’s an extremely powerful thing to accept that death is a part of life. so simple and yet so terrifying. but in the hob&w death is peaceful. their god - the god of death - is the one all “bow” to in the end.

When she took it out, he died. The horses were screaming. Arya stood over the body, still and frightened in the face of death. Blood had gushed from the boy's mouth as he collapsed, and more was seeping from the slit in his belly, pooling beneath his body. His palms were cut where he'd grabbed at the blade. She backed away slowly, Needle red in her hand. She had to get away, someplace far from here, someplace safe away from the stableboy's accusing eyes. (Arya, AGOT)

life and death are not opposites, though, as some characters in asoiaf preach. death is a part of life. huge distinction. nor can any of them truly beat death. they might defeat the others, but eventually? death will come for every single one of them. there is no true victory against death/winter in the end. that is what makes it bittersweet. arya is set up to be among the characters with the greatest understanding of that. she is still learning, though. and truthfully? arya has gotten a little too comfortable with death. how not? she was forced to kill to survive. she’s just a child and she’s wielding one of the greatest powers that exist; the ability to take a life.

"Do you fear death?" She bit her lip. "No." "Let us see." The priest lowered his cowl. Beneath he had no face; only a yellowed skull with a few scraps of skin still clinging to the cheeks, and a white worm wriggling from one empty eye socket. "Kiss me, child," he croaked, in a voice as dry and husky as a death rattle. Does he think to scare me? Arya kissed him where his nose should be and plucked the grave worm from his eye to eat it, but it melted like a shadow in her hand. (Arya, AFFC)

violation is a perfect word to describe lady stoneheart’s existence. when arya is confronted with her she will see that. the kindly man telling arya that “death is not the worst thing” will never be more applicable. arya urged her mother to rise and she did! in defiance of god and nature bc arya stark could not let go. but she’s not the woman she once was. death took too much that can never be reclaimed. lady stoneheart is rotting and ruthless, but………..she actively searches for arya too. there is a piece of humanity left even in one of the most monstrous beings in asoiaf (classic grrm) and arya is the key.

The night rang to the clash of steel and the cries of the wounded and dying. For a moment Arya stood uncertain, not knowing which way to go. Death was all around her. (Arya, ACOK)

that is the flip side to the entire thing because there is no death without life. one cannot exist without the other. and arya is so full of life. she is generous and spirited and angry and proud and curious and adaptable. she cares so deeply for people. she grieved mycah when nobody else cared. she tried to surrender herself to the gold cloaks knowing it would mean imprisonment and possibly death because she didn’t want anyone else to die for her like syrio. she shared her rabbit leg with gendry. she would not leave that baby behind. she washed and bound the wounds of her enemy and in doing so saved his life.

She looked at their filthy hair and scraggly beards and reddened eyes, at their dry, cracked, bleeding lips. Wolves, she thought again. Like me. Was this her pack? How could they be Robb's men? She wanted to hit them. She wanted to hurt them. She wanted to cry. They all seemed to be looking at her, the living and the dead alike. The old man had squeezed three fingers out between the bars. "Water," he said, "water." Arya swung down from her horse. They can't hurt me, they're dying. She took her cup from her bedroll and went to the fountain. "What do you think you're doing, boy?" the townsman snapped. "They're no concern o' yours." She raised the cup to the fish's mouth. The water splashed across her fingers and down her sleeve, but Arya did not move until the cup was brimming over. (Arya, ASOS)

no scene better exemplifies the dichotomy of life and death than the stoney sept. arya has seen torture before. she has seen murder and rape. theres not even a hint of blame or judgement on arya’s part for the way the villagers reacted, but she shows the northmen mercy all the same. she did not move until the cup was brimming over! arya gave them one last merciful taste of life giving water, but did not look away when they were put to death. they were shown mercy and served justice.

"He is an evil man," she announced that evening when she returned to the House of Black and White. "His lips are cruel, his eyes are mean, and he has a villain's beard." The kindly man chuckled. "He is a man like any other, with light in him and darkness. It is not for you to judge him." That gave her pause. "Have the gods judged him?" "Some gods, mayhaps. What are gods for if not to sit in judgment over men? The Many-Faced God does not weigh men's souls, however. He gives his gift to the best of men as he gives it to the worst. Elsewise the good would live forever." (Arya, ADWD)

sam and dareon in braavos is another good example. arya saves sam when he’s about to get jumped, but kills dareon for desertion. the faceless men tell arya it is not her place to judge and this is something she will never be able to embrace. arya cannot be a hired killer. she needs to weigh their actions and condemn them by her own volition. i do expect we will see the limits of this get pushed to the brink (and possibly over) in twow. arya was able to justify killing the insurance man with a bit of effort and raff was an incidental freebie, but the faceless men don’t only go after bad men. arya is going to find this out the hard way. then she will have to ask herself a lot of questions about identity, power and authority.

She would make much better time on her own, Arya knew, but she could not leave them. They were her pack, her friends, the only living friends that remained to her, and if not for her they would still be safe at Harrenhal, Gendry sweating at his forge and Hot Pie in the kitchens. If the Mummers catch us, I'll tell them that I'm Ned Stark's daughter and sister to the King in the North. I'll command them to take me to my brother, and to do no harm to Hot Pie and Gendry. They might not believe her, though, and even if they did . . . Lord Bolton was her brother's bannerman, but he frightened her all the same. I won't let them take us, she vowed silently, reaching back over her shoulder to touch the hilt of the sword that Gendry had stolen for her. I won't. (Arya, ASOS)

i am going to, once again, jump on my arya and leadership soapbox. these are the fundamentals of being a leader. it means being responsible for the lives and deaths of people - sometimes a thousand, sometimes just a blacksmith and a bakers boy - and, for as long as you are in charge, dealing with with an unending series of morally complex problems. how to protect/provide? how to dispense justice? a leader has to truly understand the value of life and do everything in their power to preserve it while, simultaneously, carrying the weight of death for every person. this was never intended to be a glamorous, fun position. its service. and death is a part of the job description. it has been from the very first chapter in the series when bran is taken to watch his father behead a man.

"One day, Bran, you will be Robb's bannerman, holding a keep of your own for your brother and your king, and justice will fall to you. When that day comes, you must take no pleasure in the task, but neither must you look away. A ruler who hides behind paid executioners soon forgets what death is." (Bran, AGOT)

arya’s storyline constantly addresses the core aspects of leadership: crime and punishment, mercy and justice, life and death, valar morghulis and valar dohaeris. ie: mycah’s murder by the hound, her father’s murder, the march to harrenhal, her list, imprisonment, the horrors of the riverlands even and esp the ones committed by the northerners, the brotherhood without banners and their mission, the red wedding, the faceless men, ect! she is trying to find the answers, but honestly? there’s no easy answer. no one size fits all solution. there’s never going to be. but experience counts for a lot. arya has lived and survived one atrocity after another. she has been surrounded by death and destruction. she has traveled to the underworld, and yet she is still alive, still fighting, still growing.

"Her father beat her so often and so brutally that she was never truly free of pain or fear until she came to us." "Did you kill him?" "She asked the gift for herself, not for her father." You should have killed him. (Arya, ADWD)

when discussing the future of westeros, arya, usually, gets written out of the narrative. the fandom argues that her storyline is just about killing and death and tragedy she doesn’t want the job anyway. but i have always thought she has so much potential, in part, because she’s on her way to understanding death not despite it. arya’s journey has laid bare before her the real cost of war. it has threatened her existence. arya has looked death in the face, many times, and she has been afraid, defiant, unfeeling, guilty. i think she is going to truly understand the power of death in the end and not fear it, but not live in service of it either. arya will turn away from that road and run towards life.

#asoiaf nonsense #arya stark #ive always struggled to put my thoughts into words #on this topic in particular #but i did have a lot of thoughts #so thats why this is a mile long lol #and im still not sure i said what i wanted to say

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afterthegreatunknown · 9 months

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beatrice baudelaire

my initial impression of them: More or less, from the first dedication alone, "Oh, okay. I guess you're important to this Lemony guy? What do you have to do with these three kids?"

my impression of them now: A woman who is so utterly important in ways I never expected and grown to love over the course of the series, more as their mother than as 'Beatrice'. Not really flesh out in my headcanons, but I do have thoughts on her to where I can say I adore her, and she's a top tier character on my list.

platonic ship(s): Oh, I have many platonic ships for Beatrice! She's just a charming and magnetic person, almost anyone will find themselves liking her and call her a friend or associate instantly, even if they talked to one another twice.

The top three though, are Beatrice and Olaf (I could talk about how Beatrice and Olaf are close in my headcanons, and that the Opera Night almost destroyed her as much as it actually destroyed Olaf), Beatrice and Bertrand (I feel they were legit friends with one another that blossomed into more), and Beatrice and Kit (started out as a minor 'big sister mentor' angle on Beatrice's side, since I headcanon her on the younger side).

romantic ship(s): Beatrice and Lemony (OTP), Beatrice and Bertrand (OTP), Lemonberry Ice (OT3), Beatrice and Kit (in a 'both are fools for thinking the other don't see each other in the romantic sense' angle), Beatrice and R (100% were each other first kiss in their pre-teen years and feelings linger for a bit, especially on R's end), and Beatrice and Esme (in an 'strangers to friends to enemies with benefits' angle'.)

unpopular opinion: The theory that implies Beatrice survived the Baudelaire Fire rubs me the wrong way. I personally feel Beatrice isn't the sort to let the legit series of unfortunate events claiming her children's live play out. Beatrice would 100% try to get to her children no matter the cost, badly injured and in bandages be damn. Her love for them overpowers everything else.

WIP info or screenshot involving them: I make Beatrice make an egg pun in a still in the editing process stage ficlet.

what i associate them with: Bats flying on a full moon, red dragonflies hovering over a body of water, and an empty spotlight on a decorated stage waiting for its performer to arrive.

@tangentiallly thank you for the ask! I legit don't talk a lot about Beatrice, mostly because so many people in the fandom does it and in ways I feel I can't really add onto as a discussion, so this gave me that chance to say all my thoughts about her.

#my asks #asks game #ask game #character asks #beatrice baudelaire

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the-fandom-crossroads · 2 years

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Nilou = Goddess Hathor

Nilou's character design is heavily based on the Ancient Egyptian Goddess of Love Hathor. Like my previous post about Cyno I'm going to break down the larger references to the Egyptian gods these Genshin characters are based on.

First up Appearance! Nilou's headpiece has Hathor's iconic curved horns. Hathor's horns have been interpreted many ways over the years. Generally shown as a flat piece facing forward on a hat of sorts.

Now Hathor's horns make sense when drawn in hieroglyphics like this. But they make less sense when placed on a 3d subject like the statue above.

Leading to modern artists interpreting hathor's horns in other ways. Mostly one horn on either side of the head instead of a U on top of the head. Hathor is not as well known as Anubis or Ra. Meaning there are only two modern media depictions to pull from. Aaaaand the only one to show her with her horns is the really bad, white washed to hell, movie "Gods of Egypt".

As you can see the headpiece matches Nilou's. Nilou's even has the curved arch connecting the two horns in an attempt to mimic the arch of the sun disk in Hathor's horns. Nilou also has the bikini top thing going on, but that's more in reference to the Persian belly dancer stereotype. The reason Hathor has a bikini top in gods of egypt is because most ancient art of her shows her topless or at least with one tit out. Gods of Egypt decided to be boring and stay pg-13.

Of course like with Cyno and Anubis the connections don't stop at design.

Hathor is the goddess with a thousand names (joking). But the list is long she's goddess of the sky, the moon, the sun, love, motherhood, agriculture, the east, the west, providing for the dead, rare minerals/gold copper lapis lazuli, guardian of miners, incense, guardian of travelers/foreigners, cows, sycamore trees, wine, drunkenness, war, and cosmetics.

Like I said it’s a lot. Here’s the ones that fit Nilou and the dead flower goddess Nilou represents. Hathor goddess of rebirth/lotus flowers.

Nilou’s name means “blue lotus”. In Egyptian mythos the lotus represents death and rebirth and it’s common to find art of Hathor with a blue lotus flower. This is because Hathor was depicted both as a motherly goddess that welcomed you into the world and as a goddess of death that offered you food and drink in the afterlife. The OG definition of I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.

(Pretend one of them is hathor all the hathor one's have her tits out like I said before. Since I'm cross posting this on Hoyolab no tits for you.)

Hathor is also the Goddess of Music and Dance which is Nilou's whole thing. She was also the Goddess of Joy and Gratitude. If you play Nilou's Story Quest you find she spreads happiness to all the people of the bazaar. So much so they often give her gifts in thanks.

Hathor was also credited with the creation of the Nile in some stories. Scholars list this as her being the goddess of moisture? For some reason. But really all that matters is it's some sort of water connection. Hathor is more well known as a sky goddess. The Milky way gets it's name because of the sky was considered cow Hathor and the milky way her milk. Seeing as space isn't an element in Genshin they went with water. But they still reference this connection in Nilou's character trailer.

(She's literally looking at the Milky way my guys.)

Hathor is the goddess of rare minerals and was worshiped in mines far into the Sinai Peninsula (Outside of Egypt's Borders) as a protection goddess for miners. But the rare gemstone most commonly associated with her is Lapis Lazuli. Nilou's gemstone stone decorations are most likely this stone. Lapis Lazuli has been mined in the middle east since ancient times most specifically in Isreal. But it is cheaper than Blue Sapphire the other option for Nilou's ornaments.

Lastly Hathor is known as The Eye of Ra. Enacting Ra's will/punishment on humanity. Other's have been the Eye of Ra but Hathor's story is the most infamous. It's said that once she took the form of Sekhmet she refused to stop killing humans. None of the other gods were strong enough to beat her in a fight. So they spilled Beer/Wine along the Nile, Sekhmet came and drank thinking it was the blood of her enemies. She got so drunk she past out and Ra was able to remove the blessing transforming her back into cow Hathor the gentle. There are no other stories of Hathor channeling the Eye of Ra after this occasion.

As a playable Genshin character Nilou is required to be good at combat. But it doesn't hurt to have her source material be a gentle soul with a secret blood thirsty warrior within.

So to summarize Hathor is a goddess of lotus flowers, music, dance love, joy, gratitude, moisture, the sky/milky way, lapis lazuli, protection, and war. All characteristics that can be found in Nilou. Along with a nice horn head piece.

So what do you think? Is Nilou secretly a goddess of Love? Are there any connections I missed?

Check out my Cyno breakdown Here! and Follow to find out when I post Candace's breakdown! Also Thanks for reading this monster of a post.

#genshin #genshin impact #nilou #genshin nilou #egypt #hathor #ancient egypt #egyptian gods #douglitheories

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sunnybugz · 14 days

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papyrus, orchid, cactus, and daffodil for the ask game :)

papyrus : if you put your on repeat playlist on shuffle, what's the first song that comes up? what do you like about it/associate with it?

touch tank by quinnie !! it makes me think about my ex oops 😭 i used to listen to it and fantasize about us living together in a cute apartment and being in love 🙃 (almost two months post breakup and our 5 year anniversary would've been two weeks from now so im yearning srry) . i do still like the song bc it's horny bubbly yearning music which is my whole personality

orchid : what's a song you consider to be perfect?

ok this is so hard bc i LOVE music but here's a few :

red side of the moon - trixie mattel

good luck, babe! - chappell roan (BEEN ON LOOP SINCE IT CAME OUT)

broom people - the mountain goats

intersection - slaughter, beach dog

sober to death - car seat headrest

a pearl - mitski

townie - mitski

bridge over troubled water - simon and garfunkel

landslide - fleetwood mac (i want my first dance at my wedding to be to this song 💗)

riches and wonders - the mountain goats

cactus : something you're currently learning about ?

ok most of the stuff im learning is school stuff which is just theories of media whoops . learned a lot of music lately though !! i just finished my honour band program which was so fun and i learned so much about playing my instrument (trumpet) and a bunch of new music that actually challenged me

daffodil : do you have siblings ? in what ways are you similar or different to them ?

i have lots of siblings !! 4 or 5 (complicated question, you'll see why)

d (technically oldest sister) : ok so she's Very Dead like . died 20+ years before i was born but the only reason im including her is we look the EXACT SAME . which is weird bc i look exactly like my mom and we don't have the same mom ? but yeah

p (oldest sister who i count, 31) : we are scary similar 😭 once again we look the same (i look like my mom, she looks like her mom, our dad has a type) . we're both very positive people who love to look on the bright side, we're both very interested in activism, both extroverts, and we're both very resilient :'-) most of our differences are generational-- she's 31 and im 19. but she's also more forgiving than me oops i think i hold grudges a lot more which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

r (older sister, 28) : we are not very similar at all-- i don't get along w her very well bc of this and because we weren't raised together. however we both have very strong senses of justice and work at nonprofits !

r (older brother , 23) : we aren't very similar either-- he's rlly introverted and focused on his interests which differ wildly from mine (comics and dnd mainly). but we're both very friendly + very focused on our individual interests even if they're super different (aka the Autism ...)

d (younger brother , 16) : we are so different but also the Same Fucking Guy . my fav family member he is literally the fucking realest . idek how to explain our similarities he's just the only sibling im close in age with (2.5 years) and we Get Each Other . differences wise he's an athlete (star wrestler + football player) whereas i quit sports 5 years ago, he plays video games and i don't, and he gets pissed off way easier but yk . 16 year old boy 😭 we also look SUPER similar especially when we were younger, except he has brown eyes and mine are green (and his eyebrows are 1000× better than mine NATURALLY)

#personal #asks #soleil speaks

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honeyleesblog · 1 year

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cancer woman and libra man

Libra Man And Disease Lady: Nature Of Holding This is the mix of the Air component and the Water component, where the Libra man is related with Air and the Disease lady with Water, making this combination a brilliant undertaking.

There is by all accounts a positive result in a connection among Libra and Disease, which might assume areas of strength for an in the Libra man Malignant growth lady love similarity.

The Libra male is administered by the planet of Venus, otherwise called the Goddess of Adoration, and it ususally manages matters connected with affection and cash. It additionally means characteristics of being heartfelt, warm and exotic in nature.

The Disease female is controlled by Moon itself, which addresses one's actual self and, is likewise partnered with feelings and the oblivious parts of the psyche.

She, then again, is an exceptionally touchy individual, extremely compassionate and minding in nature. She is likewise serious areas of strength for exceptionally and completely committed towards her accomplice.

This makes the Libra man Disease lady similarity a productive and a charming affiliation.

Libra Man And Disease Lady: The Relationship There is a kindhearted association between the Libra male and Disease female. The Libra male is somebody who is manly in his pith yet controlled by the female planet of Venus which keeps an extraordinary equilibrium of affection, care and security.

This thus will cause the Disease female to be more steadfast, committed, mindful and thoughtful towards the male Libra as she so loves him.

There might be contrasts in their viewpoints and sentiments yet that may not hamper the level of the Libra man and Disease lady love similarity, particularly from his side.

In the event that he is into her, and has at last chosen to be with her until the end of his life, he won't carve out opportunity to get into the establishment of marriage. It ordinarily doesn't require a lot of investment for him to choose significant issues, uncommonly matters connected with affection.

He truly values her for being a particularly adorable and a patient individual, who deals with him at each step he takes and is there for him at whatever point he really wants her.

She additionally esteems him for being so kind, liberal and defensive of her, that she has a real sense of security sincerely with him. She finds him a dependable individual with whom she can go through her time on earth effortlessly and solace.

Libra Man And Malignant growth Lady: Level Of Getting it There is an incredible common comprehension among Libra and Malignant growth love match as the two of them are merciful and kind individuals, making it more straightforward for the Libra man and Disease lady similarity to blossom.

There are a few distinctions between them which can be dealt with through steady endeavors from both the sides.

One of the fundamental distinctions being that the Disease lady is exceptionally cynical in nature and doesn't find opportunity, to stay in her negative considerations which obstructs her development as an individual, and furthermore influences the relationship.

On the opposite side, the Libra male is exceptionally hopeful in nature, generally lively and enthusaistic in his characteristics. Regardless of whether he is having a difficult time, his hopeful and uplifting perspective towards life makes not set in stone areas of strength for and.

This kind of makes a harmony between the Libra man and Disease lady which turns into an emotionally supportive network for each other.

The Disease lady doesn't set him free touch with the truth and will in general make him grounded, and then again, the Libra male gives her the nesccessary uplifting tones which causes her to feel great to confront her issues with quiet and self-control, as opposed to being excessively pessimistic, basic and over close to home according to Libra man negative characteristics.

In the event that this affection pair requires some investment to see one another, their actual relationship can likewise be an exceptionally gorgeous encounter for the two of them. He ought to take care that he is more included sincerely with her however she sees fit be. However, the Libra male is normally the one to communicate his adoration to the modest Disease female.

Libra Man And Disease Lady: Advantages And Difficulties Accordingly assuming both the Libra man and the Disease lady attempt to know each other, support each other through thick and diminishes, then, at that point, the Libra man similarity with Malignant growth lady will without a doubt take off higher.

There are a few issues connected with cash too, where the Disease lady puts a ton of accentuation on being monetarily secure and is generally in the mood for setting aside cash.

This steady strain of setting aside cash, is felt by the Libra male who doesn't see the value in this mentality of hers which causes him to feel hopeless.

The Libra male additionally loves being free and investigate. In this way, his opportunity shouldn't irritate the Malignant growth female, which ought to be kept into thought too.

Both are very close to home and delicate in nature, which makes it simpler for the similarity of Libra man and Malignant growth lady to blast.

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lunarticxenia · 3 years

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The Sun Signs

Hi guys! So I decided to make a series. I’m going to do: each sign in each planet, each house placement for every planet, and the aspects for all the planets. This of course is going to be over the course of a month; it’s going to take a while to cover everything LMAO. I’m thinking of doing this and alternating between asteroids, “placements that make people ____”, and astrology observations. Without further ado, here’s my take on the sun signs based off of people I know:

🪁 Aries: These people are go-getters and know what they want when they want it. I feel like a lot of people associate Aries with being extroverts because they’re a fire sign, but I know ALOT of Aries and 95% of them have been shy. It’s more of the Aries moons that I’ve noticed that have been more extroverted. However other aspects in your chart can determine this. They’re also extremely competitive and very hard workers. Every Aries I’ve ever met has worked their ass off, and they keep working their asses off until they perfect everything. Some negatives are that Aries people can be super dramatic as well, and don’t take other people’s advice. Even when they ask for it, if their mind is set on something, there’s no going back.

🪁 Taurus: Boy oh boy, do these people just want to go on a 10 year vacation and not have to deal with anyone ever again. These people love the finer things in life; they most likely have a creative hobby or have a creative streak. They also love good food and they love a good nap. Now everyone says Tauruses are super chill, and honestly, it depends on other aspects in their chart. I’ve known super chill Tauruses and super chaotic Tauruses. I’ve noticed the chaotic Tauruses have a lot of Aries energy in their chart i.e. Aries Mercury and Aries Mars (no offense Aries). I’d say a downside of Tauruses is that they can be lazy because they love to relax (however this depends on other aspects) and they can be apathetic a lot. I’ve found that Tauruses can very much disconnect themselves from a situation when they have to, so they can keep calm and grounded.

🪁 Gemini: These people are social and will talk for hours. I don’t mean this in a bad way. Even the more introverted Geminis, once you get to know them they will talk for days especially about things they’re passionate about. I think it’s a cute and endearing trait. A lot of people hate on Geminis, but I don’t get it. One of my best friends is a Gemini, and she’s the most genuine person I’ve ever met. In fact, most Geminis I’ve met have not been two-faced, at least from my experience. I think that Geminis are also very funny, every Gemini I’ve met has made me laugh my ass off. Every single one. They have a great sense of humor and a very engaging personality. You can see this with Gemini politicians, they’re very charismatic and know how to entertain a crowd. I’d say the more negative side of Gemini is that they can be very flighty about what they want and while they’re social, they’re not always the best communicators when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

🪁 Cancer: I’ve found that Cancers are either extremely extroverted or extremely introverted; and this can change depending on their mood LMAO. I can speak from experience; I am a Cancer. Sometimes I feel like being social and talking; other times I hate people and I just don’t wanna deal with them. Cancers also always have a softness to them; even if they have a lot of fire energy. I don’t know how to describe it other than they just look like water itself. I’d say some obvious downsides of Cancer are that they can be extremely moody and they can be snippy. If you catch them in the wrong mood, they’ll snap at you. I’m guilty of this as well.

🪁 Leo: Again, a lot of people don’t like Leos but I love them. The Leos I’ve met have not been self centered at all- in fact they’re the exact opposite. Perhaps it’s the underdeveloped Leo suns who are self-centered, but all the ones I’ve met have always put others before themselves. They’re not cocky at all. I’ve also found that Leos all have really nice hair; this is a stereotype that’s definitely true. I’ve never met a Leo with bad hair. I’ve also found that they’re super creative and even if they don’t have a creative hobby, they have a creative flair. They’re also REALLY funny. I feel like they’re definitely slept on in terms of funny placements. This is the sign that rules “performing” in a way, so of course they’re going to be entertaining.

🪁 Virgo: My favorite sign. I love all the signs in their own way, but Virgo is my favorite. Every single Virgo I’ve met I’ve loved. I get along so well with them. Virgos are shit on for being critical but it’s because they know that the people in question can achieve so much. Virgos also save that critical energy for themselves and can tear themselves apart if they’re not perfect. These people are also always putting others before themselves and always try to help everyone. Remember the 6th house rules one’s sense of usefulness. They feel that if they’re not being useful in some way to people that they’re not good enough. I literally just want to hug every Virgo. Also they’re not boring at all. FOH. Virgos are literally so much fun.

🪁 Libra: These people are just so likable. No matter what they do, you just tend to like them for some reason. They can adapt to any type of personality and they have a way of making everyone like them. This is why Libra suns tend to be popular; they’re very bubbly and sociable. Even if they’re not popular, they’re well-liked. However, this can be their downfall as well. They can be superficial and fake. They tend to flip flop in arguments alot, and they try to play on both sides which can create more tension between two people. Also, have you ever seen a Libra try to make a decision? LMAO. Love them though.

🪁 Scorpio: Your eyes. Holy fuck. You can tell if someone is a Scorpio just by the gaze in their eyes. They stare into your fucking soul. Even if their eyes are a light color, there’s always a sense of mystery and darkness to them. Despite this sense of power they give off, once you get to know them they’re literally the biggest teddy bears. Literally just go up to one and talk to them, they’ll talk to you and be all nice and happy. I’ve noticed that Scorpios just don’t like to talk about their emotions or what goes on in their heads either. They like to look strong and they don’t show their vulnerable side to just anybody. This would be one of their downfalls. They have a hard time being vulnerable and letting people in. They look fierce, but they’re sweet and just want a hug.

🪁 Sagittarius: The funniest people ever. I’ve never met a non-funny Sagittarius. I work with two of them and they have me in tears laughing. They’re also very smart and you can talk to them about anything. Even if they don’t get the best grades in school (which I rarely see, the Valedictorian and the Salutatorian were both Sagittariuses) they always have a base knowledge about everything. They’re also extremely chill and try not to take life too seriously. I’ve found that a downside of this placement is that they can be very flighty in love. They have a hard time settling down which can be difficult for someone who wants to date them. Sagittariuses crave independence and they’re usually not the relationship types. Also they have a hard time taking things seriously.

🪁 Capricorns: My guilty pleasure. I’ve dated two of them and 75% of the people I’ve liked were Capricorn suns. I feel like people overlook the appeal of Capricorns. Scorpios are the “sexy” ones, but have you seen how attractive Capricorns can be? Remember, in Tarot, the Devil rules Capricorn, so they can be devilishly handsome or darkly beautiful. Even if they’re not the most attractive person in the room, they have an aura to them that’s intriguing. They speak softly and carry a big stick. They don’t have to impress anyone; they know that they’re powerful. I’d say some downsides to Capricorns are that they have a hard time expressing their emotions and they tend to shove them down; which can result in them exploding later on. They also have a tendency to be arrogant, and can dish it out, but they can’t take it.

🪁 Aquariuses: My second guilty pleasure. I just love the Saturn energy, what can I say? Aquariuses are such lovable weirdos. I don’t know how else to describe them. Every single one I’ve met has been unique in some way and they don’t try to fit in either. They’re proud of being different. My boss is an Aquarius and I felt self conscious one day because I had a different color shirt on than everyone else and he told me “Why would you want to fit in when you could stand out?”. They’re those types of people. They’re also really funny as well, their minds just work so differently from everyone else. They’ll say the most outlandish things and you’ll die laughing. Some downsides? You could know them for years and you’ll just find out things about them. They don’t share things about themselves and it’s hard to get to know them. They also can be very emotionally cold. They don’t like emotions.

🪁 Pisces: Softies. They’re literally soft teddy bears. No matter how big or tall or muscular they could get, you just look into their eyes and that softness is there. They’re really sweet and tend to be more introverted. They aren’t the types who go out of their way to talk to strangers at a party. They love comfort and they like to feel secure. They’re also very dreamy if that makes sense. They always look like they came out of a fantasy world. I’d say a major downside would be that they’re overly sensitive. They cannot take a joke. I remember I was telling my co worker who’s a Pisces about the negative traits of Pisces and one of them was lazy; and he got SO offended. He was like “I am NOT lazy.” LMAO.

Also guys, as I’ve said, other things in your natal chart can affect these traits. For the next asteroid by the way, I’m between asteroid Bellona and Lilith. Which one would you guys want to see? I’ve been getting a lot of questions about those two. :)

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ariesjupiter · 3 years

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Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

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sixthwater · 3 years

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☀️Stereotypical Astro Observations☀️

Some astrology observations that have already been stated but I need some serotonin because my job is sucking the life out of me with some gifs from spiderverse bc i love 💖

🤍Fixed placements are ones that will not be able to hide their reaction to you being overly affectionate or close to them when they don't know you. Leo & Scorpio are more likely to give you a 😐 face while Taurus & Aquarius will hit you with a 🤨. Fixed placements have to give you the green light before you're allowed to just enter their space.

🤍Air & Water Risings might experience a lot of unwanted attention or struggle with surface level relationships. For Air Risings, they come off as very approachable and "pleasant" -- in a sense that they'll be very friendly and sociable. However they will most likely have their 7th & 11th house in fire signs (not afraid of confrontation, ego driven, daring, fast paced in a different sense) and their 8th house will be in an earth sign (more reserved, critical, has specific tastes). Whereas Water Risings will come off as emotional sponges--even Scorpio. Strangers feel like they can trust these people to understand any and all sort of emotional trauma they've went through and dump this on them without consent or warning. 1) Forgetting that these people have their own issues and 2) they will most likely have their 7th & 11th house in earth signs, and an 8th house in an air sign (scattered but critical thinking, curious). So when strangers think these ascendants are true to their personas and start to peel back to their fiery/earthy character that hides beneath and drop them, it can be very frustrating as fire influenced people care deeply and earth influenced people need stability.

🤍Meeting someone who shares your moon sign is another level of bonding. You could not know anything about this person but will slowly start to find out that you share a bunch of the same interests or niche hobbies. I recently met someone three (?) months ago and we like the same dumb mash-ups from youtube, react to drama the exact same way (jinxed many times), love musicals--and we only have the same moon.

💛You can see why you admire certain celebrities by cross-checking your natal charts if available. I mainly recommend looking at their MC, ASC, Sun & whatever personal planet fits their career (moon & venus = creative expression, mercury = mind exploration, mars = physical output).

▪️Starting with me, we'll use Chester Bennington (it's unreliable but the other artists I admire don't...have a chart so). He has an MC in either Leo or Virgo (it's veerrryy late leo). A possible Scorpio ASC, Sagittarius Moon, and Pisces Venus. Meanwhile I have a personal planet and a DSC that would admire his MC. My Mars would also not be put off by his ASC since it sits in it's governed house and is used to its energy, and actually would be drawn to him instead. My MC matches his moon as well and wants to express itself as fluently as he did, which would explain why I admired him ♥. (also both cardinal signs)

▪️My roommate loves Jake Gyllenhaal. His MC is in Taurus, ASC is Leo. Sun & Venus in Sagittarius but his Moon is in Gemini! Makes sense. Whereas my friend has a MC & Mars matching his ASC. Her Venus is in Taurus, so she would like the way he presents himself. She has a lot of fire energy and loves Gemini Moons (has a lot of friends with these placements, can bounce their energy and thoughts around and doesn't get tired).

💛Libra Suns are interesting because they will usually be associated with their other personal placements instead of their sun signs. Even when they don't try to, they get put in situations where they have to put their interests to the side in favor of others. Since they don't get the chance to display their ego often, their other placements have a higher chance of being caught. If you give them room to actually voice their thoughts or catch them one on one, you'll be able to pick up on those Libra qualities.

💚I know I always mention this, but the combination of placements in your chart can really affect how you come off to people. I have a friend with a sun, rising, and moon all in fire placements, but their mc & dc are in air signs, so it cools that energy down a lot and that intensity doesn't come out as much as you'd expect it to. I just think this part of astrology is very Neat

💚Hate to be like, super stereotypical but Scorpio placements seriously do get put through a series of trials and tribulations in order to be comfortable in that energy (ego, emotions, communication, etc). When underdeveloped, these people have a tendency to keep themselves stuck in place and choose situations or people that are not so great for them and feel like they are "unlucky". However, with developed energies these people will notice this behavior and fix it, but can find themselves getting caught in shitty situations anyway thanks to outside forces. It can make the person feel like the world is against them.

▪️Someone with the Sun might experience situations that will force them to explore their own ego and gain confidence within themselves because others either tore them down or those that should have given them support did not. This creates that silent confidence and 'alluring' energy that people associate with Scorpio Suns since they had to build their confidence quite literally from the ground up sometimes.

Venus is associated with bad luck because...it has it LOL. Scorpio Venus has undying loyalty and tenacity in love to a fault, which can be taken advantage of, and in my opinion they will be given situations that are testing whether or not the person wants to run themselves ragged over the connected or wait for something better. I remember talking to a friend, witnessing all of their failed relationships and going 'Damn you gonna get a good one soon or what'. So if you're dealing with a Scorpio Venus who has a grip around their vulnerability this is probably why.

It's also one thing to note that Scorpio is associated with the card Death, and these events (I think) are given to these placements as a way to help them transform themselves and discover different parts of themselves to either evolve or become a better version of themselves. It can do it in a softer way but whatever

#astrology #astro obs #astro observations #astrology observations #I will...work on the platonic synastry and music astrology.....soon #I just want my head empty so fucking bad man #I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE ONE FOR THE IC/MC IN HERE BUT I FUCKING FORGOT IT RIGHT AFTER I ASKED A FRIEND FOR THEIR INPUT #so next time i guess #mygalaxypost

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ganymedesclock · 3 years

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[enters the cat door.] Pale King? :)

PK is great because while we get a lot of impressions of what he's capable of, overwhelmingly his work is left for us, self-evident and finished, in such a state that we are not given hints on how he did it or what he did. This obviously has a lot of canon significance to who he is as a person-

(especially when the nature of much of that work is itself somewhat inscrutable; how exactly does he record his voice in whispering stones that only speak to certain parties when the rest of the setting is limited to actually writing things down?)

-but basically what it amounts to is that it's headcanons all the way down, baybey.

PK is... obsessed. This, to me, is the thing that stands out to me at an immediate glance of anything he was capable of. He fashions himself as a rational arbiter; possibly even a thing emotionless, unbiased, but really, it's obvious that certain ideas drove him so powerfully that anything, including unimaginable agonies and cruelties- barely factor. His mind as we explore it has very few guards that try to drive us out and kill us, few true barriers that stop us from moving forwards- but an enormous, vicious, whirling mechanism, beautiful and terrible, that polices every inch we move. You can proceed, the white palace says, if you're perfect. If your timing is perfect, if you never dare the metal teeth that surround you, if you choose exactly the right things and move only as the space is designed to move- and if you are willing to suffer, truly and awfully, then you can proceed, the palace is yours, it is open and the barest adversity will stop you.

This is not the mind of a person who lets things go easily. This is not the mind of a person who is actually detached. This is a beautiful machine, elaborate, precisely calibrated, and it makes miracles.

And it is, quite frankly, an absolute inhospitable nightmare. It might as well be the surface of the moon, not for alienness, but for the sheer ludicrous notion that anyone could live or love there. His mind is a haunted house to end all haunted houses; it'd be a fine locale to find in Silent Hill. The few rooms that actually seem like recollections of real places- the nursery, the workshop, the throne room- are all unsettling in different ways.

The nursery is the loveliest and also the most unattainable; a place for two people who are never coming back to the person who left them behind in the first place and didn't even set a chair for himself- the workshop is cluttered, creepy and miserable, nowhere you'd expect a god to make miracles; the throne room is bleak and dark, and has pillars set like fangs and the only chair so hard and uncomfortable it won't save your progress or give your player character a second of rest.

There is only one mention, anywhere in the game, of coldness associated with anything even adjacent to PK- the description of the pale ore characterizes it as "emanating an icy chill"- and when I remind myself of this, actually go looking for it, it shocks me. PK, to me, is so powerfully and intensely an ice person. Not just in the superficial senses- oh, he's cold, oh, he's callous, oh, he suppresses his emotions and opposes the fiery, sun-aligned Radiance; but that while neither of these gods have any ability to "get over it" whatsoever, the way they hold onto things is drastically polar opposite.

Radiance boils. Simmers. Screams and writhes and rages and pulses to her emotions. Those infected by her plague begin to feel as if they are burning alive the more her influence extends. She is a heat that stokes itself higher and higher and higher, to frenzy and fury, and the coldest it can get is if she methodically banks herself down to coals to pretend for a single utilitarian moment she's not as angry as she is, so she can whisper sweet words just long enough to coax someone onto the cinders.

PK... freezes over. He holds onto things perfectly, as if they never left, as if they never changed. When you walk over the nursery memory it looks just like White Lady could come by and put an infant Hollow in the cradle and sit down to rock them to sleep. It's so clean. So expectant. So empty.

And yet, there's something completely inhospitable to life about it. How could anyone live here? How could anyone be happy here? The game Silent Hill: Shattered Memories has a theme of a happy childhood frozen over in invading ice; that's very much what comes to mind here, even if Hollow's childhood was troubled long before they'd have anything to do with this room. PK ices over, is a person who stopped his own heart at one point just to serve another purpose and, superficially indifferently, left that body behind to rot without any sort of respect or acknowledgement. @rukafais drew a headcanon a very long time ago to the idea that PK could just will his own blood to stop flowing, and that's long one I've stuck with- a living person who is at odds with himself because of this absolute glacial inhospitality.

PK is also... clever. Inventive. One could almost argue too clever for his own good. If there's one way his obsessions are utterly unaffected by this ice and sense of detachment, it's that while Radiance is revolted by, fears and hates the void, PK... was fascinated by it. It's probably the most dangerous non-Radiance thing in the kingdom to him and yet he built his palace right next to the abyss; built a great lighthouse and a smaller alcove room that- unlike the spaces in his own mind- you can actually imagine him sitting, maybe for hours, maybe for days- just staring at the void sea. Dropping things into its grasp only to fetch them back out. Pouring it into shapes, and seeing how it held.

This also seems to convey itself in the shapes that his magic takes, or that similar pale white magic in other places (such as around the dreamers' monument) form; they are extremely intricate. Impossible filigrees of light that dangle in the air. Nowhere is this more obvious than the Pure Vessel fight, the moment where Hollow is remembering what they once were- at the point they were trying to be everything PK wanted of them, everything PK cares about. Hollow's attacks in that fight are beautiful. Ornate. The temporary spikes summoned from the ground have the same woven, 'watered' pattern that we see on the Pure Nail once Ghost acquires it.

So these ideas, of PK- icy stillness, obsessive detail, and insatiable curiosity- condensed for me a lot into how I imagine him fighting or handling situations. I imagine him as fighting with a spear very keenly- not just long reach, but that I associate PK very strongly in my mind with the concept of dissection and vivisection. Everything in its place, labeled, named, and known, consecrated by the light with identity and purpose- the hungry, predatory curiosity of a hunter picking apart prey, but with enough academic backing that they're looking for something more than the juiciest pieces to eat.

So, I imagine PK fighting with spears, and impaling or cutting implements... in that I imagine him fighting like a surgeon, pinning and mounting something or herding it into place.

#Hollow Knight #the Pale King #readmore #haha imagine a lance sentry but with a boss fight's health pool and a complex attack pattern

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hamliet · 3 years

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RWBY and the Philosopher’s Stone

So, I finally watched RWBY after a friend name-dropped several characters and I was like wait... those names are alchemical. I was still pleasantly surprised to find out just how deeply rooted in alchemy the story is, from its characters to its plot structure.

Background: alchemical structure is a type of story structure that focuses on inner transformation via outward obstacles. You can find it in literary traditions across the world, from Moxiang Tongxiu’s novels to A Song of Ice and Fire to Harry Potter to The Witcher to Trollhunters. Carl Jung incorporated it into his psychology. Daoism plays heavily into Chinese alchemy. The Wizard of Oz, one of RWBY’s main inspirations, is a blatant alchemy allegory. It’s everywhere, so it’s not surprising RWBY is drawing heavily on alchemy, but it is neat to see how blatant the references are.

Thematically, the goal of alchemy is a metaphorical philosopher’s stone. The philosopher’s stone, in legend, is said to produce an elixir of eternal life, and to be able to transform “baser” metals into gold.

In stories, when positive, as it usually is, this usually results in a character either overcoming death (see, Harry Potter) and/or transforming the world and others around him (Harry Potter saving his friends, etc.) But the journey from how they get from prima materia (raw material) to the philosopher’s stone? Now that’s the story.

(When reversed, a metaphorical stone results in something that can destroy everything; see: the One Ring, also Salem, because Salem’s whole thing is that she cheapened the process of life and death, while alchemy states that death is a necessary part of achieving life.)

So, mostly I’m gonna talk about the symbolism I’ve seen so far and make some predictions for what’s likely to happen next in the story, and for the characters.

Each of the four main characters has a name that corresponds to one of the four phases of the Magnum Opus. “Blake Belladonna” refers to the nigredo, or black stage; “Weiss Schnee” to the albedo, or white stage; “Yang Xiao Long” to the citrinitas or yellow phase, and “Ruby Rose” to the final stage, rubedo, or red (Ruby’s name is quite literally taken from that stage). Naming them for these stages shows a dual purpose: while Ruby is the central character, she needs her team around her, and Team RWBY will save the world together. Team JNR is also a part of the stages, but I’ll get to what they represent later on.

Jung associated each of the major stages with a major archetype. The major stages can be further broken up into a total of seven or twelve or even fourteen stages. Most commonly you’ll see George Ripley’s Twelve Gates referenced, and I believe that’s what RWBY is referencing as well since its allusions are pretty perfect. The "gates” or stages also sometimes overlap, especially when different characters might be at different stages.

Nigredo: Seasons 1-3

Alchemy begins by gathering the prima materia, or raw material. The characters assembling in season 1 is more of the gathering than the actual transformative process. But once we hit season 2, we dive straight into the process.

Calcination occurs during the climax of season 2, during the fight on the train. Season 3 contains dissolution, or the washing of impurities through the exposure of certain secrets (like the fall maiden) as well as the literal dissolution of Beacon Academy, and separation (the end of the season, when Team RWBY is scattered).

Narratively, Jung associated nigredo with the shadow, with someone’s dark night of the soul, their low point. In historical artistic depictions, often part of nigredo is dismemberment... which happens to Yang when she saves Blake from Adam. See, Splendor Solis:

The goal of the shadow is that it should be integrated with, accepted, rather than denied. Facing the shadow is a necessary part of growth and ultimate transformation... and the point is, through facing the shadow, hope and light come.

Peacock’s Tail: Seasons 4-5

Okay, I lied, there are sometimes five phases in alchemy. At the very end of nigredo, just before albedo, there is sometimes a flash of light, of rainbows and colors, that give hope. It’s not quite a phase, more of a moment, but it’s referred to as the peacock’s tail. While this is less plot-related, it does make sense that this is the point in the story where Team RJNR is formed. Why? Because look at their colors:

Ruby: red, black

Jaune: yellow, blue

Ren: green, purple

Nora: white, pink, orange

Between them we’ve pretty much got the full rainbow.

We also have, in Blake’s arc, the introduction of Ilia Amitola, whose last name is the Souix word for “rainbow.”

Albedo: Seasons 5-7

Albedo is associated with the anima or animus, or the part of ourselves that we are lacking (it’s generally gendered as the male within a female and the female within a male, but please understand he’s not talking literally and more in terms of traditional qualities ascribed as feminine or masculine that we may repress), which more than fits the fact that this stage begins while team RJNR is literally wandering around a continent called Anima.

Conjunction is a term in which all the separated parts that can be salvaged from the Nigredo come together. Obviously the main incident for this is the fight at the end of volume 5, but I’d argue it overlaps a bit with volume 4 and even with separation.

The characters are only able to come together again once they’ve accepted aspects of their shadows. Yang deals with hers in Raven and Blake with the White Fang. Nora and Ren’s fight at their home village represents them dealing with their shadow as well, and also relates to conjunction because conjunction is the stage where the first chemical wedding comes into play. A chemical wedding is the joining of alchemical partners, and while I’ll probably discuss ships in another post (there’s a lot of set up alchemy-wise), I’ll just reference the obvious one here:

The fountain image and a person shooting arrows is some pretty uncannily similar imagery to the fight at Nora and Ren’s home village.

Next up in albedo is putrefication (focus on death and rotting). We see this with the encounter with the Apathy, who look like skeletons, cause death, etc. We’re also introduced to Maria Calaveras, aka the Grimm Reaper. (Her last name also means “skull” aka the white results of putrefication).

Congelation requires a lot of water, and we see this in the focus on Atlas, wherein snow (water) is everywhere. The point of congelation is to separate the thin from the thick, the latter of which will of course become the Philosopher’s Stone. We see this through Team RWBY’s break with the Ace-Ops (aka the Aesops), whose simplistic morality and rule-following are not going to bring about character growth or eternal life.

Citrinitas: Volume 7-?

Citrinitas focuses on the light, or fire. That immediately after congelation, a giant whale brimming with yellow appears in the white-colored Atlas is not a coincidence. Citrinitas is associated with the sage or the wise old man/woman, so Maria and Pietro fill this role.

The first stage of citrinitas is cibation, which involves feeding with fresh material. I’d actually say that it seems quite possible cibation overlaps with congelation, in that there is a focus on food and on training with the Ace-Ops early in Volume 7. The next phases are sublimation and fermentation. I can see potential for sublimation in that it essentially is when solid becomes air (think of the setting of Atlas), but it’s too soon to say what this means for the plot.

Fermentation, though... well, things will get worse before they get better. :’)

Rubedo:

Finally, Rubedo is associated with the fully individualized self. We can assume each of the main seven will come into their own, confident of whom they are. Oscar should, as well, and probably will have fully control over his body by the end (ie Oz will likely... find rest or whatever).

The stages of rubedo are exaltation (the creation of the stone after two contraries meet), multiplication (the stones’ properties increase), and projection (the stone’s abilities are projected over the entire world, aka presumably RWBY will save the world).

The most common way to display multiplication is through, well, a lot of couplings. It’s why the main characters ending single seems extremely unlikely to me. Even if it seems a fairy tale ending, well.... *gestures to everything about RWBY being inspired by fairy tales* Fairy tales were also often alchemy based. But ships will get their own meta, because I actually don’t really ship much besides Renora and am for once not super invested in anything, but I can see the set-up for four or five ships.

I also want to highlight the other symbolic names that stood out to me:

Ironwood. While I know Ironwood references the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz (tin being one of seven metals associated with alchemy), his name also references a second metal: Iron. Tin and Iron are the two of the three basest metals in alchemy (the other is lead). Iron in particular is ruled by Mars, the god of war, meaning it is associated with violence. It’s not a coincidence that pretty much from the second Ironwood is introduced, the concept of war comes up, and his entire character has gone on to be the embodiment of the military and violence.

Tai Xiao Long. His name literally means “sun,” and Ruby’s mother is defined by her silver eyes (silver being a color traditionally associated with the moon). Ruby is thus considered the child of the Solar King and Lunar Queen, two mythical alchemical figures who together create the “Philosophical Child,” or the personified philosopher’s stone.

Pietro Polendina: his name literally means “stone,” and Penny is his philosopher’s stone. Penny is arguably a reference to copper, another of the seven metals, as copper references compassion and love, which seems like Penny to me.

Qrow and Raven Branwen: crows and ravens are symbolic of nigredo, or the black phase; death, decay, etc. However, within the story I think Qrow and Raven fulfill this role as the Jungian shadows of hunters as a whole and of Yang.

Sun Wukong: obviously a reference to the sun.

Emerald Sustrai: Emerald is a reference to the Emerald Tablet, which in alchemical lore is a tablet containing the secrets of alchemy, as written down by Hermes (in legend). Hermes is, of course, Mercury. Everything about alchemy stems from the Emerald Tablet, so Emerald should be important. In addition, green is the color of the prima materia, so it references Emerald’s arc in being shaped and molded by Cinder.

Mercury Black: Mercury as the mythological god is the legendary founder of alchemy, so like, he’s important. Mercury is also the third most important metal in alchemy, after gold and silver. It is necessary to achieving the philosopher’s stone so, like Emerald, Mercury is probably important. Mercury is of particular note because mercurial characters are common in alchemical literature: they make stuff happen. Think of Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, for example. Mercury transcends death symbolically (you can see the roots of this in Mercury’s backstory with his assassin father): it is difficult to pin down and can quickly shift from liquid to solid. Thus, in alchemy, mercury can shift between life and death.

Mercury is also a noted servant of the white queen. I initially thought this a surface reference to Salem’s appearance, and it might be, but Salem is more associated with a black queen in the recurring chess motif, and I don’t see Mercury staying on her side (mercury isn’t fixed, after all; that’s its central tenet), so I kind of wonder if the “white queen” will be later revealed. Or maybe it just is a surface mention.

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everyonewasabird · 2 years

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Brickclub 4.5.2 ‘Fears of Cosette’

Jean Valjean then was absent. He had said: "I shall be back in three days."

My biblical knowledge isn’t very good, but I’m a little suspicious. If it’s intentional, though, I don’t know what it signifies.

Cosette is playing the piano, and the window shutters are closed, and the man in the garden is treading deliberately softly--how on earth does she hear anything? Must be werewolves have keen senses during the full moon.

We get that character-defining paragraph about Cosette in this chapter:

Besides, Cosette was not by nature easily frightened. There was in her veins the blood of the bohemian and the adventurer who goes about barefoot. As you’ll recall, she was more of a lark than a dove. In her heart of hearts, she was wild and brave.

I’ve heard people argue, and at times I’ve believed, that this is more a trait the author claims is true than one we’ve seen on the page--but it’s absolutely not that. We saw it most starkly when she was a child, when it was an act of sheer will for her not to transform into a werewolf. But it’s been true now that she’s older, too, even if it’s been masked by the requirements of respectable femininity. She’s been tackling all the big, scary things in life head-on, within her constraints, whether it’s Marius, or Theodule, or even just, like, making sure her father doesn’t freeze and starve. Whatever important thing is facing her, she doesn’t shy away from it, though she also doesn’t throw away everything to run towards it. She’s steady and inexorable, which is why she’s linked to the dawn Valjean is trying not to look at.

And of course, I love how the paragraph above echoes Fantine’s “fierce bravery of life.”

Were werewolves associated with the full moon yet? Whether they are or not, major events in this book sure are. Valjean stole from the bishop during the full moon, there was a full moon for Waterloo, the flight to Petit-Picpus was during the full moon, the Gorbeau Incident was during the full moon. I’m sure I’ve missed some.

(Notably, Valjean rescuing Cosette in the woods was *not* a full moon; the creepy light I was remembering in the sky when Cosette was trying not to turn into a werewolf was Jupiter. The barricade is also not a full moon; it’s possible Hugo is being constrained by historical accuracy on both of these. But also, how constrained does Hugo ever let himself be by historical accuracy?)

And now, the night Marius finds Cosette’s house is another full moon.

There’s so MUCH here. it’s a creepy fairy tale. Cosette is alone--Toussaint is not a useful presence in this section, and Valjean is away digging up money. Marius--or, I assume it’s Marius; I’m not sure we ever get actual confirmation that every rustling bush was Marius--seems to be lurking about in the bushes, creeping up behind Cosette, saying nothing, and disappearing when she turns around. And she runs after this phantom on her own, digging through the bushes and trying to find the intruder, which.. damn. What IS she going to if she finds an intruder? Wild and brave indeed.

I’m charmed by the idea that 1) a ghost would have been less scary than a human, but it can’t be a ghost because 2) ghosts don’t wear round hats and 3) Cosette is perfectly certain of this.

I don’t know what Cosette has been getting up to during all the years Hugo skipped, but we were cheated out of it.

Though I suppose she learned a lot about ghosts fetching water in Montfermeil. Which is another thing in this chapter that’s confirming my feeling that there just isn’t that big a chasm, either of memory or character, between older Cosette and younger Cosette.

Marius is being a huge creep right now, probably out of sheer awkwardness, but the effect is that he’s playing his part in this fairy tale very well. It wouldn’t feel right, as a fairy tale, if Cosette found him yet. And his unseen presence in the woods is echoing Fantine’s presence in the woods of Montfermeil--it’s canon that she was there when Valjean found Cosette.

Valjean comes back and plays the role of anti-magical rational skeptic, which is odd for him. But it’s also the role of pretending that a very serious thing is silly and unimportant, which is unfortunately all too like him these days.

He does seem to actually believe it, at least. He’s not just gaslighting her out of her fears, since he visibly relaxes too.

But despite his efforts, Cosette is caught mid-fairy tale, and the fairy tale isn’t over yet.

#brickclub #lm 4.5.2

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quirrrky · 3 years

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ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ΘεΘ KNY EDITION (PART 1)

PART 2 - PART 3

PERSONAL PLANETS: SUN (EGO, SENSE OF SELF), MOON (EMOTIONS, INNER-SELF), MERCURY (COMMUNICATION), MARS (SEX & DRIVE) & VENUS (LOVE & AFFECTION)

A/N: STILL DON’T KNOW YOUR OTHER SIGNS? GET THEM HERE Moon signs are considered to be more important in relationships and Mercury signs play a big role long term.

ARIES - SABITO

“There’s no other way to go but move forward!”

If that quote of his can’t prove how Aries this guy is, I don’t know what will (Though he doesn’t have reported birth date yet, it’s kinda’ fitting to associate him w/ this sign)

As an Arian, Sabito always have his head set on his goal and he will stop at nothing to achieve them

He can come off as impulsive though, because he’s quick-witted and dauntless, not second-guessing his worries and fears.

His passion can often be mistaken as aggression because he sets fire to his trail

Whatever his other personal planets may be, he will never waver and he always stands up whenever you got him good on the ground. (He’ll also get you so good on the ground too, even better!)

Even when feeling low, he’ll have a part of him that will fight to be optimistic

A leader that will push you to be the best you can be!

AS A LOVER

Sabito will always suggest new things for the both of you to try, because he’ll always find one and he’ll want to try them with you

His flirting will always be like a chasing game and he loves chasing you so playing coy will only get him to pursue you more eagerly

Playful and child-at-heart, he loves teasing you just because he thinks it’s cute. Tease him back and he won’t resist you

He’s fiery passionate and driven so brace yourself for a ride. Again, not afraid to try something new!

Compatible with personal planets in Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini and Aquarius also: Personal planets in Aries, Libra and Scorpio

TAURUS - KYOJURO & INOSUKE

Grounded, confident and competent. Driven to achieve their goals no matter what. (They’re the next sign after Aries after all)

Both love anything that revolves around hedonism (food food food) and that can be their weakness uwu

Loyal to their friends and loved ones and would fight anyone to death if they are being harmed

However, can be stubborn af, could have tendency to drive things suuuuper slow and can be possessive

As an Earth sign, Inosuke and Kyojuro are practical, devoted and responsible

Taureans usually have beautiful faces and charming features

AS A LOVER

Inosuke and Kyojuro would flirt with you by sharing their food or making you one.

They would bring you to places that have an over-all sensory pleasing vibe like a butterfly garden with a beautiful pond. Imagine Singapore’s Gardens by the Bay vibe

Extreme lover of nature they’d take you on gardening dates and anything that’s naturally visually appealing

They like it if you’re also firm and loyal like them, because they’ll stand by you no matter what the odds are and won’t come to bring themselves to ever hurting you

OTHER TAURUS CHARACTER: KANAO TSUYURI

Compatible with personal planets in Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer and Pisces also: Personal planets in Taurus, Scorpio and Libra

GEMINI - MITSURI

ROFL the GIF shows just how Gemini Mitsuri is

A lot of people mistyped Gemini for having two personalities, but the truth is nope, they don’t, because they have multiple

As a Gemini, Mitsuri is very flexible in any situation

She is friendly, chatty and jovial which makes exchange of information very easy for her

The cutest thing about Geminis is they’re goddamn curious and very quick to learn this is more prominent to those who are Gemini Sun, Rising and Mercury

Although she’s adaptable, this can sometimes cause her to be nervous and indecisive

Geminis can be super flighty and detached if they don’t have enough Water or Earth signs

Very intelligent and incredibly fun to hang around with

AS A LOVER

Mitsuri would prefer intelligent conversations, exchange of ideas and having a witty banter

Showing her how smart you are to talk to regardless what the topic is, it will definitely turn her on

She also loves adventures and would enjoy exploring new things with you, so inviting her over a new burger joint or ice cream store would very much pique her interest

Can be easily bored though, so you must keep up the pace with something engaging and exciting to keep her attention

Compatible with personal planets in Libra, Aquarius, Aries and Leo also: Personal planets in Gemini, Sagittarius and Virgo

CANCER - TANJIRO

Cancer is the eternal mom of the zodiac that’s why it’s no doubt that Tanjirou is nicknamed “Mom” by his training mates

As a Cancerian, Tanjirou is gentle, kind and empathic

He is highly intuitive thus making him easily identify the feelings of those around him

He can be moody and emotional though and most of his actions can be driven by his feelings causing him to act impulsively when provoked

Being nurturing and caring is his second nature and would give his best to protect and ensure the comfort of his loved ones

AS A LOVER

Tanjirou would prioritize your safety and comfort. Looking after you would be his responsibility

Would most of the times prioritize your own comfort on top of his

Will make sure you get enough snuggles and cuddles and even if he’s a mom most of the time, he’d enjoy it if you baby him too

Will validate your feelings no matter what it is. Don’t be shocked if he knows what you’re feeling more than you do.

Definitely a fan of soulmates, etc

Compatible with personal planets in Scorpio, Pisces, Virgo and Taurus also: Personal planets in Cancer and Capricorn

☾ collections: KNY ☾ ⁺˚*·✧ navigation ✧⁺˚*·

#uwu #kny headcanons #sabito headcanons #kyojuro headcanons #inosuke headcanons #mitsuri headcanons #tanjirou headcanons #rengoku kyojuro headcanons #kanroji mitsuri headcanons #hashibira inosuke headcanons #kamado tanjirou headcanons #quirrrky sabito #quirrrky inosuke #quirrrky kyojuro #quirrrky tanjirou

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lettrespromises · 3 years

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#LettresPromises informs you : You have one notification. ──➤ 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐕𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐋!

─➤ @theastroooooworld 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 : ❝oi oi oi nikki ♡! i hope you are well as always. can i have hc's for Tanaka, Ushijima and Bokuto (separately) ? how would they behave with their childhood best friend who supports them since their beginning in volleyball but with whom they gradually fall in love ? thanks !!je t'aime tant, prends soin de toi et des tiens 🧡🌅❞ ─➤ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 : ❝my dearest cam, forgive me for the terrible, terrible sense of never being on time but i’ve heard this letter comes at the right time (hopefully this letter will help a tiny bit while you’re healing.) je t’aime fort fort, prends soin de toi (et de ton tibia et de tes cervicales) et des tiens! sealed with a magic kiss to blow your pain away, nikki.❞

──➤ 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐎𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 : Tanaka, Bokuto and Ushijima gradually fall in love with their childhood best friend. ─➤ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : mentions of a nose bleeding.

──➤ Tanaka Ryuunosuke sent you a letter, would you like to read it?

Despite his flamboyant sense of worship for Kiyoko, Tanaka does not know how to handle emotions, romantic ones, that is. Sure, he (alongside with Nishinoya) are willing to kiss each centimeter of concrete blessed by Kiyoko’s footsteps, but despite his burning passion, Tanaka is rendered into a stuttering mess when the attention is focused on him.

He has hidden and sometimes projected his blooming crushes for other people onto proves of love for Kiyoko, and in that sense, knowing he could solely focus his attention on her brought him a sense of security because he is so scared of the unknown, especially romantically-wise.

Hence why, whenever he would find himself appreciating someone who wasn’t Kiyoko a bit too much to his own liking, he would bury that feeling deep down and instead transform these hushed sentiments into demonstrations of love for his one and only goddess.

However.

Sometimes, feelings tend to be a bit stronger when they are mixed with nostalgia, that is, childhood nostalgia. Truth be told, you, Tanaka and Noya were always found together... And often in the worst scenarios (just like that one time you and Ryuu were waiting for Nishinoya and you had to help Tanaka contain all the blood leaking from his nose at the sight of the bombshell accompanying Nishinoya’s grandfather.)

Surely enough, Tanaka had always seen you like the equivalent of Nishinoya, meaning that he would confess every little secret locked in the back of his mind, even those including Kiyoko.

Your presence was comforting, and he always considered you extra fuel to animate his fire whenever you would watch him during practice (and you were the first to throw an empty bottle straight to his head whenever he would throw his shirt off after scoring an impressive bottle.)

But in a very, very dramatic way, Kiyoko found herself become gradually set free of Tanaka’s romantic antics and devotion which led her to question the cause of all of this— despite her dislike for any kind of grandiose display of devotion, the fact Tanaka had started to stop giving her attention was a huge red flag regarding his state.

She hesitated to go talk to Nishinoya, but she was expecting to be met with no serious answer, and instead, just watch him drool during several minutes.

She, thus, went to the next best person who would be able to comprehend this sudden switch in attitude: you, and your lifelong experience regarding Tanaka.

You were undoubtedly quizzical, but things took another turn when Tanaka himself showed up around the corner of the gym, and an uncharacteristic blush crept on his cheeks, Kiyoko took it as a clue to leave you alone.

“Is there anything you wanted to tell me, Ryuu? Are you sick or anything? You haven’t been, you know, following Ki—“

“I like you a whole lot. A lot. Like, a lot.” He confessed, his body was rigid but his eyes testified of all the love he had for you.

You couldn’t help but allow a soft giggle to break free from your lips, “does that mean you’re going to be worshipping me now?”

And as soon as the words died on your lips, his dropped on one knee, and delicately reached for your hand which he enveloped with his palms and soon smothered with love-infused pecks. “Anything for you, my beautiful divinity. I’ve been waiting for this day since we were kids, now I got to worship you everyday, the sunshine of my life.”

──➤ Bokuto Koutarou sent you a letter, would you like to read it?

Before Akaashi came in the picture, you’ve always been his pilar, his rock, his pivot, his safe person. Bokuto soon learned to identify you as the person he could go to if anything were to happen.

You knew firsthand how to handle his emo mode since you were kids, and as a child, Bokuto would make himself appear look sad on purpose just so you could focus your attention on him and smoother him with love and kind touches.

Years later, this side of his personality never faded away, but never did your calming antics, nor did you stop always keeping an eye out on him during practice.

Bokuto expressively asked you to be the manager of the team, he said it was to “give you the best seats in the house to admire the way of the ace”, but truthfully, you were the fuel to the fire burning like an inexorable inferno within him.

You and Akaashi completed one another perfectly to find a balance for Bokuto, but at times, when Bokuto would find himself being overwhelmed by sad thoughts on the court, Akaashi would always suggest him to look at you, sitting on the benches.

It had become a ritual, each time Bokuto felt nervous or tortured by his own emotions, his shining golden orbs would find your frame, and a smile on your end was enough to make him feel at peace again. And that, ever since Bokuto started playing volleyball.

One day, during training, Bokuto had ententered a severe streak of shots, and each time the ball slammed the ground loudly in victory, his eyes darted on your form to study your reaction. He started doing anything to impress you since that day, even the silliest things like carry all the water bottles for you until (inevitably) tripping on the ground.

But striking for your attention and validation over and over again also meant that his emo modes were going to be even more intense too.

As his palm slapped the surface of the ball into a diagonal strike, his body shifted in a straight position, thus transforming the shot into a straight line.

The whines of protest were already leaving his lips, and soon enough his entire body language testified of how his emotions got the best of him: his shoulders were slumped, the tips of his hair faced down, his brows were weakly furrowed. It was a crisis situation.

“Agaaaashehhh! Can you get me Y/N, pleaaaase? I feel like I’m gonna melt and freeze at the same time.” Bokuto pleaded, his golden orbs were glossy under the gathering of the salty pearls in the corner of his eyes.

Without wasting more time, Akaashi jogged to you, and quickly explained the situation with a hint of worry in his tone which was unsual for him.

Your palm brushed Bokuto’s back in a soothing manner, only to find yourself prisoner of his embrace as his forelimbs found shelter on the small of your back, the tip of his nose nestled in the crook of your neck.

“Y/NNNN, I can’t even do diagonal shots anymore... It’s, like, my body goes for diagonal but I keep on hitting straight lines, I feel so dumb and useless...” His words were accompanied by whines of discontent, clearly indicating that this emo situation was more alarming than the others.

Your palm rubbed invisible shapes on his back in a soothing manner, humming at his confessions, “I can’t do anything right, can’t hit diagonal shots, can’t be a good captain, can’t even confess to you that I’ve loved you since day one.”

An angel passed.

“Kou, did— were you serious?”

“Does that mean you don’t like me? ‘S fine, I swear.” He now had his state focused on you, eyes as glossy as ever, and it took you all the strength in the world not to soothe his pain away by smothering him with kisses.

“I like you too, Kou, as big as the sky.” You offered him a genuine smile, your palms having moved to cup his palms while your thumbs were brushing the skin of his cheeks.

The tips of his hair immediately quirked up, and his signature grin throned once more amongst his facial features : “Wooooah! As big as the sky? That’s so big, sunshine! Guess what? I love you as big as the court!”

Another giggle found its way past your lips, soon quieted by the way your planted a peck on his cheek, “That’s a lot, Kou, more than I could’ve ever hoped for.”

And as Bokuto cradles you in his embraces, he excitedly stares at Akaashi who has a hint of a smile on his face, jumping a bit over the excitement.

“Kou, I know you’re happy and all but it’s hard to keep up with your hug if you’re jumping all over the place.”

“My bad, sunshine, you just make me so happy, ya know?”

──➤ Ushijima Wakatoshi sent you a letter, would you like to read it?

Now, I have already stated that Ushijima is not emotionless, rather he decides whether or not something or someone is worthy of the reveal of his emotions. And only three things fit on this list: Tendou, volleyball and yourself.

You actually met Ushijima as a child at an art discovery class for children. Ushijima had isolated himself from the rest of the children because the remarks of his mother were still ringing loud and clear in his head, but when you approached him and complimented how unique of an approach his left hand offered, he was over the moon (not that he showed it though.)

Much like Bokuto, Toshi is the kind of person to associate someone as his safe person, someone he can go to if needed, or at least feel their presence for reassurance. Needless to say, you are this person to Wakatoshi, always have been since the first doodles you’ve shared together.

In his case, Tendou actually pushed you to be the manager of the team, remarking that your presence would probably motivate Ushijima even more and make him more grounded if he had someone to hold on to during games.

To this day, you’ve always stayed late after practice and watched over Wakatoshi, spike after spike, serve after serve, until his fingers were bleeding and the moonshine outshone the neons of the gym.

You always carried medical tape with you, because you knew he was always bound to push behind his limits, only because he knew that you’d always be there for him, which happened to be true.

Now, now. Wakatoshi does know what feelings are, he knows how to recognize them kinesthetisically and tends to do mental notes of how people manifest their own emotions. Thus, he starts to notice the way his stomach creates knots whenever you’re in the same vicinity.

After training, Tendou finds him reading ads in the latest Jump edition, but Ushijima is quick to interrogate him : “Ah, an ad for plant medicine. Do you reckon this would help my stomach ache, Tendou?”

Tendou blinks once, then twice “Mhm, ‘depends on what kind of stomach ache we’re talking about here, Wakatoshi-kun.”

“It‘s odd. It’s not so much painful but it always happens when Y/N is near me.”

Tendou wipes an inexistent tear away in a dramatic manner, “Toshi-kun, you’re not sick at all, you’re in love.”

Since this sudden realization, Wakatoshi tends to avoid you because he believes that despite the sweet nature of this feeling, this stomach ache is taking a bit too much space to his liking.

He realizes soon, however, that the longer he waits, the worse it becomes.

After practice, and in an ever so natural manner, Ushijima grabs your wrist, and sends a glare to the rest of the team in order to silently tell them to leave the gym now that practice is over.

“Y/N, I’m sorry for taking some of your time so suddenly, I hope I did not startle you.” His grip on your wrist fades away slowly, and you offer him a hint of a smile.

“Don’t worry, Toshi, you’re all good.”

“I requested your presence because it seems I have developed feelings for you.”

A vivid blush colors the apples of your cheeks, your mouth is set agape for a few agonizing seconds: “You think or you know?”

“I don’t know.” He replies, and there’s a hint of disappointment in himself at the lack of retrospection on his end.

“Well, let me help you then.” Your palm is now enveloping his cheek in a loving hold, whilst your lips plant a lingering kiss on his opposite cheek, leaving Wakatoshi at loss for words.

“I, um, I’m positive now. I truly have feelings for you.”

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