#she emotes like few belters can

[lonelybitchversion]

Kellyoke - The One That Got Away (Katy Perry)

come cry with me

#kelly clarkson #she emotes like few belters can #katy perry #kellyoke #Youtube

[existentialmagazine]

Existential Magazine’s September Roundup

With September coming to a close, we’re sharing just a handful of our favourite new releases from the month! Sit back, put on our New Music Friday playlist and spend a few minutes falling into the journeys of each track below.

Tali Flynt - I’m So Bored

Beginning our roundup for the month is the pop-rock queen Tali Flynt, with her eighth single ‘I’m So Bored’ released earlier this month, the singer-songwriter has created quite the whirlwind of a journey to explore within it. As it commences with delicate electric guitar strums and Tali’s soft but dominant vocals atop the intimacy, ‘I’m So Bored’ immediately sets a tone of brightness with hints of deeper melancholia to be unpacked. As things pick up further with added synths and steady drum beats for an atmospherically colourful chorus, Tali captures the essence of joy and freedom that comes with breaking out of the norm. As backing harmonies litter the proceeded verse, this well-built up soundscape doesn’t stop offering new snippets of sound to enjoy as you journey through its ebbs and flows for yourself. ‘I’m So Bored’ took inspiration from Tali’s longing to travel the world, experience new things and learn a wider array of cultures, all whilst embedding in her own personal touches too. Covering her displeasure with the stalemate she seems to have met within her life and the repeated structure of every day, lines like ‘I feel it all but I’m not satisfied, and I checked my phone because you crossed my mind’ capture her almost depressive state along with hints of a broken heart. All together, ‘I’m So Bored’ offers a bright sound alongside a narrative that’ll leave you wondering how you can bring new colour to your own life.

Moonroof - Maybe Crazy

Indie-pop band Moonroof may have met in their college days, but they’re now garnering an audience that thrives off their catchy belters and newest single ‘Maybe Crazy’ is no exception to that. Sitting at just under three minutes long, ‘Maybe Crazy’ captures an electrifying tempo and addictive beat that’ll leave you hooked on the bright soundscape yearning to be enjoyed. As a gorgeously vibrant electric guitar riff leads us in before swiftly fading away for the verse to commence, the sound leaves a little intimacy in the subtle bassline and fast-paced beat that sit alone as the vocals lay atop. Kicking up the energy as the chorus jumps into full swing, melodic guitars pick up the volume alongside clashing drums and the singing that takes centre stage with a woefully heartbroken offering. Just as things seem to fall into place, the vocals interestingly fall into more of a spoken-sung delivery for the second verse, displaying more of a raw tone that carries more of the emotion within its grit and adding just another flavour of delicacy paired with catchy sing-along goodness to the journey at hand. Delivering upon a narrative that fits the blended intimacy and colourful sound, ‘Maybe Crazy’ captures someone in the depths of heart break whilst still holding on for hope, wonderfully paralleled by the contrasting sounds that jump from uplifting to melancholic throughout: ‘Staying in, even if it’s just pretend.’

Boxteles - Relevant

Hailing from West Yorkshire, thundering indie-rock band Boxteles have been reigning as an underestimated powerhouse for far too long, and their latest single ‘Relevant’ is sure to get all eyes on them. Immediately bringing the energy and the undeniable gritty domination, ‘Relevant’ falls straight into place as aggressive electric guitar strums pace the way. Leaving the verses for the tense, quickly paced drum beats and vocals to get your heart thumping and your adrenaline building, it’s not long before the crashing chorus brings the climax you’ve been waiting on. Exploding with angsty guitar, clashing drums and vocals hoarsely making their confidence known, this short but sweet interval urges you get off your feet and listen to ‘Relevant’ the way it was intended - with head banging, moshing and jumping around in your room as if you’re at the sweatiest live show. As Boxteles aim to deal with subject matters that are close to them personally whilst still striking a chord with listeners, ‘Relevant’ certainly comes straight from the heart with an impassioned delivery to match. Whilst open to interpretation, we felt that much of ‘Relevant’ nodded towards the age of social media and feeling the constant need to stay relevant in an ever-evolving digital-scape, leaving listeners with not only a fiery song to dance along to but a reflection on their own digital creation and consumption.

Harry Orme - Me & Simona

Collaborating with Frankie Harper, songwriter Harry Orme’s latest single ‘Me & Simona’ delivers a beautiful debut insight into what the pair both have to offer. Lying at just over two minutes in length, this heartfelt and minimal release bottles up nostalgia within its softened layers and reaches out directly to your own heart in every simple but dear sound. With just prominent guitar plucks at the forefront of the journey, there’s a certain delicacy and closeness that ‘Me & Simona’ surfaces, as only atmospheric background sounds accompany this raw instrument and the emotionally evocative vocal delivery that melancholically lies atop it all. The intimate sound is, of course, tied into the personal and heartfelt narrative of ‘Me & Simona’, intertwining your own emotion within its dainty sounds. As Harry explores family, childhood, and the struggle to see yourself within those memories of the past when your present self feels so unaligned in comparison, ‘Me & Simona’ feels like a pained offering that seeks to let go of the past as to no longer feel so sombrely unattached to the person and experiences they once had. Fleeting childish joy, freedom and ultimate creativity all feel ever-so lost as we enter adulthood, and ‘Me & Simona’ seems to hauntingly capture the youthful self-expression and simple enjoyment we all once held that seems so distant to the people we all ultimately come as the world shapes us: ‘Grown now we’re older, we’re asking for more, but what more could there be?’

Sïan Able - The Ones Who Don’t Sleep

With a haunting dark pop, edging on classical single, Belgian based artist Sïan Able shares her newest single ‘The Ones Who Don’t Sleep.’ Rich in melancholic tones and a downbeat sway, ‘The Ones Who Don’t Sleep’ commences with deep piano notes filled with a tenderness and intended closeness. Only a simple beat lays in the background, with the occasional distant atmospheric sound and haunting backing vocal, allowing for the true depth of ‘The Ones Who Don’t Sleep’ to be found within the expressive piano and Sïan’s absolutely gorgeous vocal performance ebbing and flowing from impressive highs to sombre lows. A spoken audio clip overlays midway through, whilst Sïan continues to serenade the listener beside it, adding just another flavour of uniqueness and nightmarish eeriness to a sound so incredibly lingering. Written as an ode to all artists and creatives, especially those suffering with insomnia, ‘The Ones Who Don’t Sleep’ feels like a song of the nighttime that is too sincere and intimate to dare grace the light of the day. With such poignant tones and striking lines, the track speaks of insomnia almost as though it were a feeling, devoid of colour and resonant in its multifaceted powers. Whilst insomnia can be as dark and damaging as the moonlit sky at 4am, it also offers a light within yourself to view even the deepest of thoughts whether that be destructive or revealing, leading to some of the most insightfully personal music an artist could possibly write: ‘We can turn our hearts into flashlights… we are the ones who don’t sleep.’

Jameson Tabor - TOUCH

Freshly spinning pop and its emerging sub-genre, bluestep, Los Angeles based artist Jameson Tabor just released his latest serotonin-pumping offering ‘TOUCH’ that’s sure to get you in the groove whether you’re out with friends or home in your room. Capturing a funky beat at its core, ‘TOUCH’s nu-disco soundscape is filled with bright, colourful sounds and atop it all rests Jameson’s soulful vocal performance absolutely laden with clean, smooth charisma and a flirty edge within the lyrics. Sitting at three and a half minutes long, ‘TOUCH’ somehow feels like it ends just as quickly as it begins, wrapping you up inside its addictive beats and delectable tones and urging you put it on repeat for just one more loop around. Perfectly setting the scene of the flashing lights of a club, along with a thumping beat beneath your feet, ‘TOUCH’s lyricism pulls you right into the youthful nightlife scene just the way the sound pleads for: ‘Went so hard last night, at that party all night, saw you dancing with another guy but you were looking at me the whole time.’ Energetically spirited and embedded with the nervous butterflies sparked from young crushes and those glances across the room that say it all, ‘TOUCH’ is the perfect song for partying or just to capture some good vibes when you’re sitting at home wishing to be doing something just a little bit more exciting.

The UNCRTN - Forget About Me

Beginning as college friends jamming during in their free time, The UNCRTN quickly turned into a legitimate band taking over the NYC scene with their latest single ‘Forget About Me’ showing just why. Capturing a vibrant soundscape, the verses are slow but defined by a steady beat and twinkling backing sounds before the chorus picks up the thrills. Raw electric guitar strums reverberate through beside clashing drums and of course their vocalist’s undeniably bold and haunting presence, adding a refreshing clean tone against a soundscape of angst. As the chorus speaks of getting away from everyone’s toxicity, it’s clear that ‘Forget About Me’ is a song that at its heart reflects upon letting go of friendships that no longer serve you, whether they’re fresh or those from childhood that you don’t connect with anymore. As you find yourself changing over the course of your life, The UNCRTN speak of how those around you should change to reflect those same values too, as we often feel guilty cutting out people that bring us down when they’ve been in your life for such lengthy periods of time: ‘I don’t seem to relate and I can’t bear the weight, they’ll never see my side.’ With ‘Forget About Me’ covering all of that and more, it really urges the listener to use this single as time to reconsider their own relationships and perhaps redefine them, or just stick around to enjoy their energetic alternative rock sound always laced with a meaning to be remembered.

nina gala - tangerine

Bedroom pop dreamer nina gala has been releasing hazy music since 2016, but her recent end of a six year partnership mid-pandemic has only made her more recent music all the more intimate and raw, with new single ‘tangerine’ offering a short but lingering insight into her own delicate experiences. Leading with slow, reverberating electric guitar strums, ‘tangerine’ marks its place as resonant and atmospherically bold, as nina’s hauntingly sweet vocals overlay this sunny journey. Ethereal in its delicate tones and simple soundscape, ‘tangerine’ immerses you within every echoey tone and captures your heart in its slow build. Intimately unfolding a personal yet universal experience of her own, ‘tangerine’ simply reminisces on the safety and warmth that comes with being held closely by someone you love and admire. With only a few lyrics, nina allows for the words and sounds that are there to paint a picture in the most achingly poignant of ways, as lines like ‘bittersweet, your arms around me’ explore both the reality of longing and the comfort of being. Speaking of ‘tongues’, ‘bodies’, ‘sweet perfume’ and ‘light in the room’, ‘tangerine’ expresses itself best in the little details, not overdoing any explanation and instead transporting you to the scene with scents, sights and sensations, reeling you in through your own nostalgic bursts. Sitting at just over two minutes, ‘tangerine’ is the perfect short snippet of brightness and warmth, always there to embrace you in its world of colour even when the real world can feel so bleak.

Paul Vinson - I Can’t Go On (Without You)

Indie rock artist Paul Vinson just released his latest single ‘I Can’t Go On (Without You)’, an undoubtably resonant release right from the beginnings slow and melancholic tones. Leading with subdued guitar strums, the occasional steady beat and Paul’s haunting, clean vocals, this atmospheric tune builds upwards as we progress to create an environment urging you go from swaying along to singing along at full force. As the chorus picks up in volume and mildly in energy, it seems to offer a moment of more vibrancy and colour than the verses somber tones. ‘I Can’t Go On (Without You)’ lyrically offers a lingering take on mental health struggles, something that even if you haven’t been through personally, you likely can still connect with in some manner. As Paul focuses particularly on the intrusive thoughts of political and religious discourse, and the mental struggle of that weighing on your conscience, ‘I Can’t Go On (Without You)’ takes a solid stance on being wholly object to the corruption of our biggest establishments that take advantage of the poor and helpless. This vast meaning doesn’t immediately point towards such a narrative of depth however, with lines like ‘I’m feeling nothing for the seventh time this week’ resonating regardless of whether you’re as distraught by the state of the world as Paul and others find themselves to be. Perhaps even Paul’s tormented takes like ‘politicians on the tv screens… no one’s gonna change a single thing’ may leave you turning towards the world’s political state and seeing it more in its realistic, bleak shades. With a chorus that holds love at its centre however, Paul ensures that despite the verses aching for the world to be a better place, we can all still do our best and carry on as long as we’re surrounded by those we love.

Teasley - Ain’t No Way

LA based alternative pop and R&B artist Teasley thrives within his tropical, upbeat soundscapes that emulate the vibes of a setting sun after a long summer day, and new single ‘Ain’t No Way’ doesn’t falter in transporting the listener right there too. As smooth electronic beats set the tone for an easy-listening sound, Teasley builds an addictive groove in the atmospheric journey of ‘Ain’t No Way’, urging you sway along to the funky synths and closing reverberated guitar plucks. As twinkling bell sounds add a distinct yet distant ring in the distance every so often, it’s clear from the start that Teasley has incorporated a real mixed bag of eclectic sounds into the track that leave ‘Ain’t No Way’ feeling as unique as it possibly can with every sound interweaving seamlessly. As Teasley’s elegant and agile vocals deliver upon a clean and bubbly performance amidst it all, ‘Ain’t No Way’ is a track that more than pleads to be on repeat and heard just one more time, deserving your full attention. Resting at two and a half minutes long, ‘Ain’t No Way’ offers a lyrical message that’s as smooth and easy to listen to as his sound. Whilst showing that Teasley is finding some trouble in love, it ultimately pens as a romantic piece of how he won’t give up on the one he wants, no matter how long it takes for them to realise he’s not a player at the heart: ‘I’d rather just be lonely if you say you don’t want me.’ Authentic and original at its heart, ‘Ain’t No Way’ sets Teasley up for great things to come, championing the pop and R&B sounds with something refreshing to hear.

Jonathan Shapiro - Get A Grip

Sitting at just under two minutes long, Jonathan Shapiro’s newest single ‘Get A Grip’ blends alternative pop and emo rap into a catchy yet incredibly raw little gem of a song. Leading into things with a delicate electric guitar riff and building atmospherics, ‘Get A Grip’ from the beginning feels to be intimate and personal, with emotion lingering in every one of Jonathan’s words pushed to the forefront of the single. As a thundering beat harshly makes its presence known in ebbs and flows, the soundscape seemingly parallels the tracks feeling, jumping from anger to sadness both in lyrics and the instrumentals delicacy flipped to harshness. As Jonathan champions both juxtaposing states with his vocals, there’s a tormented realness in his delivery that carries a hoarse strain for the angsty moments and a haunting softness, interweaving an emo rap style with his impressive clean singing. Uniquely made over Facetime with his ex girlfriend, it’s no surprise that the lyricism of ‘Get A Grip’ comes from a place of pain and heartache. As a self-proclaimed breakup anthem for when you just want to be alone, ‘Get A Grip’ embodies all the post-breakup blues amidst the racing thoughts over-analysing every little detail: ‘I’ve been in my head too much, she said I’ve been leaving her on read too much, maybe if I wasn’t such a mess I’d love.’ Showcasing a mass of potential and plenty to love in just over a minute’s worth of music, Jonathan is sure to go far and ‘Get A Grip’ is just the beginning.

Kid Apollo - Smokescreen

Channeling rock pop acoustics, Kid Apollo’s newest single ‘Smokescreen’ offers an uplifting soundscape with a more lingering message. Reminiscent of early Arcade Fire and Sam Fender, ‘Smokescreen’ incorporates gorgeous acoustic guitar strums, a steady soft drum beat, synth sparkles, a deep bassline and vibrant chimes all cohesively blending to create a package of colourful energy and rhythms. Slowly building in volume and intensity, ‘Smokescreen’ progressively becomes more enchanting and bold, capturing intimacy and delicacy before coming in full-force with a renewed confidence. As Kid Apollo’s vocals complement these tones with elegance, there’s an authenticity behind every word sung, delivering not just an exceptional range of notes but also a cathartically stirring story to be heard. Written earlier in the year after a bad dose of what he believed to be COVID, Kid Apollo found himself penning all his worries and dislikes of the experience into this four minute journey as to keep himself occupied when the future seemed so unknown. With much of the lyrics allowing for a vagueness that can relate them to more universal struggles, the chorus line ‘I took one step forward and fell ten steps back, I'll be lucky if I ever get my senses back’ especially carries Kid Apollo’s personal struggle whilst still allowing for the listener to pair their own misfortunes and fears of falling behind. Warm and comforting, ‘Smokescreen’ feels like a reassuring embrace from someone you love, reminding you that despite it all you’re not the only one feeling like they’re behind.

Alex Su - Self Destruct Mode

Building a dedicated following since he began writing music at the age of 13, multi-genre spanning artist Alex Su leaves storytelling to be the heart of every one of his releases, connecting them despite their differences in sound. Sitting at a little over four minutes long, his latest single ‘Self Destruct Mode’ is again packed with Alex’s raw experiences and heartfelt thoughts right at its core, building an anthem perfect for the isolated, the sad and the destructive. Yearning, if not begging, for someone to stay even when they no longer love you, ‘Self Destruct Mode’ explores losing yourself in the complication of not being able to let go, losing your confidence and identity just for the sake of gripping onto someone you no longer recognise: ‘I stare deep into your eyes, trying to find myself in you, all I see are empty blues.’ This resonant narrative is of course paired with a melancholic electric soundscape to match, as addictive beats, echoey sounds and electric guitar plucks all linger in the vast sonic atmosphere that keeps things simple for a more intimate journey. Alex’s vocals explore a powerful range interweaved within the aching of the instrumentals, stirring previously dormant emotion right to the surface in every hoarse crack and wistful high that captures the depth of his own emotional entanglement.

Brooke Stilla - not over getting over you

Heavily inspired by Adele’s classic ‘Someone Like You’, upcoming pop artist Brooke Stilla penned her own track of heartbreak and longing in ‘not over getting over you.’ Beginning with an intimate piano intro, Brooke’s eloquent vocals explore a height of ranges beside the sombre notes ringing out beneath her, accompanied by soft backing hums. Just when you think you’re gripped by the heart within this pained tale of heartbreak at just under a minute in, Brooke ingeniously instrumentally switches things up, changing to chirpy piano notes, an addictive beat and a confident switch in her vocal delivery. Blending modern pop touches with contemporary elements, ‘not over getting over you’ doesn’t falter in offering something refreshing to the genre, whilst also bearing another pained breakup commentary. Finding herself still longing for a partner who’s already moved on, ‘not over getting over you’ is filled with torment and longing, as Brooke comes to the realisation that even when relationships physically end, mentally there will always be a tie between you whether it be good or bad. As she convinces herself they miss her too, yearning for them years after their breakup, ‘not over getting over you’ is a reassurance to everyone struggling to get over their ex that it’s perfectly okay to still find feelings residing long after the fact: ‘it’s not that I wasn’t over you, it’s that the feeling still lingers.’ Going as far as to say ‘it’s been a decade since I saw your face, but you know I’d never miss your Birthday’, Brooke doesn’t hesitate to open up and aid her listeners with a new perspective on heartbreak whilst they heal too, sharing that perhaps you don’t need to get over every heartbreak and instead can find solace in the love that will always be within you.

Chargr - Glitterball

Began by longtime artist Charlie Wood, lo-fi indie-pop project Chargr has been in the works since 2020, set up after Charlie found a renewed love for making music since the disbanding of his previous alternative pop band The Retro Spankees. With his latest single ‘Glitterball’ now out for the world to hear, this quirky piece of art is sure to start turning heads and re-sparking a sound reminiscent of long ago. Incorporating distorted electric guitar, a groovy bassline and a steady drum beat as the main funk-esque heart of the track, ‘Glitterball’ carries a nostalgic flair amidst its modern flourishes perfect for losing yourself in an abstract sonic plane. Offering plentiful addictive hooks and eclectic touches of vibrant sound, ‘Glitterball’ carries an upbeat, feel-good tone under its sound that feels lost in time, renewing a similar sound to rising stars I Don’t Know How, But They Found Me yet with an authentically original edge that makes Chargr’s sound entirely his own. Written as a mantra to remind you should check in on yourself when times are tough, ‘Glitterball’ reassures the listener you are the nicest person you’ll ever know, and you deserve to give yourself a break instead of beating yourself up. With the gorgeous, colourful sound paired with such a message of calm and comfort within yourself, ‘Glitterball’ doesn’t fail in lifting you mood and giving you a message to take away to close our roundup for the month: ‘No one manifested me, I make me myself, I’m everlasting.’

Give a listen to these songs and more in our New Music Friday playlist this week, or see our Roundup Recap playlist for every song previously featured in one of our monthly roundups that you might have missed!

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

#music #singlereview #musicroundup #roundup

[rocinawanda]

The Expanse - 5x10 Finale!

What a loaded episode I cried so hard throughout I didn’t know what to expect in any of the scenes. Spoilers.

Where to start agh. Okay beginning with the rescue Naomi operation. For the past 3 episodes whilst watching I would constantly say to myself why doesn’t she just jump out of the ship with her suit on like Diogo being on the float a few seasons ago but I came to the conclusion that she didn’t have an oxygen tank and would suffocate like when she walks out of the main room into the corridor.

Well, thats exactly what happened. Turns out she could jump out but she had barely any oxygen. But wow that shot focusing solely on Naomi’s face got me. Hearing the thud and Bobbie’s voice I felt like Naomi and started sobbing so ridiculously. I couldn’t believe she was actually being saved. Since she left the Pella I slowly began thinking there was no way to save her from this situation but she did it with her intellect and her belter signals. I’m so proud of Naomi so so proud.

Then as everything does, it immediately became bittersweet. I wondered why Alex wasn’t responding to Bobbie and oh my god he stroked out. Bobbie even warned him of it earlier in the sequence and cue me crying even harder. Rest in Peace Alex Kamal. I am very sad that he didn’t even get to fly the Roci once this season before passing and he will always be our Rocinante Pilot. But Amos was right that was the way he would have wanted to go, fighting for his family. I knew Naomi would feel guilty about it because he died saving her but he knew the cost.

Focusing on the Roci crew, we got our reunion! Only half happy of course but (omg im gonna cry whilst writing this) Amos waiting on Luna for the Roci to land and for his family to return bitch my emotions. GONE. We love a found and reunited family. Speaking of family, Amos almost tricking Jim into having to be okay with Clarissa joining the ship was hilarious I loved it.

Backtracking a bit, DRUMMER. My love. Okay, I was worried truly. I didn’t know what was gonna happen. But yay no space battle between my faves found here. Drummer took her gun back and took control she said no more and yes Karal is dead. She messed with the wrong crews. It sucks the Belter fam are broken up now but I think this season really was about home, family, and letting people make their own decisions from Naomi talking about leaving Marco and what that cost her, then Jim not stopping Naomi from leaving to find her son, to the Belter fam leaving each other because their ideals don’t match anymore even if they love each other. whew. heavy.

So much else happened in the little cracks! The Baltimore crew made it to Luna okay, Chrisjen is Secretary-General again, Jim’s family are all alive and going to Luna, the protomolecule sample made its way through the Ring - to the Martians - to a new system and planet - and they’re messing with shit they don’t understand.

Lastly, they showed in that final moment the entities that killed the Ring builders look angrier than ever with that giant Barkeith ship crossing through one of the gates, I can already tell next season is going to deal with that along with Marco and I cannot wait.

That has been a very emotional and heavy, family-focused season of The Expanse and I have loved it. I can only hope Season 6 is filmed safely and is back before I know it.

#the expanse season 5 #the expanse #the expanse spoilers #the rocinante #james holden #naomi nagata #amos burton #alex kamal #bobbie draper #chrisjen avasarala #camina drummer #5x10 #nemesis games #long post

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

16-20 for Demeter and Bombalurina?

Demeter

16. Their sexuality

Demeter is a demi-sexual, biromantic kinda gal. She’s developed a lot of soft crushes in her life, but that was moreso based on her liking them as a person than any sexual attraction (at least at first - she’s had a few crushes that had encroached on that territory, but *very* few). 

17. What they’d sing at karaoke

“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” - Céline Dion (Demeter strikes me as a big Céline Dion fan and I’m not really sure why...she also strikes me as a dramatic ballad type of karaoke singer, but she has to work up the nerve to do it)

18. Special talents they have

She’s is double-jointed and can twist her legs all the way past turnout. 

She has a photographic memory for poetry, but only poems that don’t rhyme (for some reason, the rhyming screws her up)

*Sometimes* she carves little soap animals, and she’s kinda ridiculously good at it. 

19. When they feel safest

Demeter feels safest when someone she trusts is nearby. They don’t even need to be actively watching out for her or talking to her - they just need to be in proximity of her. She actually doesn’t like it when people tell her not to worry, or that she’s safe, because it makes her worry *more*, so she’s not really one for verbal comfort. 

If she’s not overstimulated, she likes points of physical contact, like holding a hand or someone pressing against her shoulder, or pressing her cheek on someone because it helps to ground her. 

20. Household chore they hate the most

Demeter *hates* doing dishes and cleaning the drain because she *knows* that the wet food she just touched is just something she ate and that the hair in the drain is hers but it is GROSS, okay? 

Bombalurina

16. Their sexuality

Bomba is pansexual, most definitely, but I think she’s also leaning into the aromantic spectrum (maybe demi or gray romantic)

17. What they’d sing at karaoke

She’s usually a belter of emotion when she’s drunk enough to be doing karaoke at all, so she’ll hit “Halo” - Beyonce, or “Wrecking Ball” - Miley Cyrus. 

She’s *also* been known to croon out a couple of 30s/40s/50s hits, like “Why Don’t You Do Right?” or “Fever”

18. Special talents they have

She can dance her eyebrows around, up-down and transferred back and forth.

She can do an *ear splitting* whistle with her fingers

She is incredibly good at astrology things and always remembers what everyone’s horoscope is, moon position, love compatibility, the works. She tried tarot cards once but found it too disorganized and open ended for her. 

19. When they feel safest

Bomba feels safest when her back is touching a wall (or someone she trusts is behind her), because it gives her the feeling that she’s more in control; that all she needs to focus on is her front because her back is covered. She also feels safe when she’s up high, in a tree or on a junkpile or a shelf, doesn’t matter. She’s not afraid of heights and likes the tactical advantage seeing everything gives her

20. Household chore they hate the most

Like Demeter, she hates cleaning hair out of the drain (”Yes I KNOW it’s my hair but look at this! It’s alive!) and she hates mopping the floor/vacuuming the carpet/sweeping/anything that involves her having to push something around. 

#Bombalurina #Demeter #jellicles ask because jellicles dare #my headcanons

[moocowmoocow]

If you’re still doing Angst prompts.... Drummer/Naomi — “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?” or “That’s not going to happen.” Or both. :)

Drummer/Naomi — “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

Once Naomi returned to the Sol System, she set her plan to find Marco and Filip in motion. It helped that Alex and Amos had business on their respective planets, that way she only had to convince Jim to let her go alone. He didn’t want to. It hurt him deeply to see his family break up and spread across the system. But she let him know that either he let her go and she would return or he try to stop her and she wouldn’t return.

She contacted Drummer to help her get off of Tycho undetected. Drummer had her own ship now but still knew every bolt and duct of the station. She knew Naomi’s history with Marco, too. But most of all, she was a Belter and she understood things in her bones that there was no way to explain to the Inners on the Roci, no matter how much she loved them.

They were on their way to Ceres, where Naomi would be able to purchase a rock hopper anonymously. She and Drummer were in the mess of her ship, eating lentil bars, as Naomi told her stories about Ilus in order to distract herself.

“Still think planets are bad ideas,” Drummer said after Naomi finished the story about her escape from Ilus. “Glad you got away.”

Naomi shrugged. “Can’t stop people, Camina. UN couldn’t. Mars couldn’t. You can’t.”

Drummer made a sour face. “Inners. Glad I have nothing to do with them anymore. Done with politics.”

“Glad you’re happy.” Naomi paused. “Glad you’re helping me.”

Drummer nodded. “Of course.”

“Why?”

Drummer looked at the table and was silent for awhile. Naomi could almost see the battle in her head and was about to change the topic when Drummer spoke. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

The depth of emotion in Drummer’s eyes took Naomi’s breath away. She reached across the table and took Drummer’s hand in her own. “Guess I always know. Why now?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Holden?”

“Ya.” Drummer swallowed hard. “This time real chance you don’t come back. Marco’s dangerous. Probably killed Ashford.”

Naomi stood up, went around the table and sat next to Drummer. “Marco expecting the girl I was. Not who I am now.”

Drummer looked up and lifted the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were hard. “Not wise to underestimate Naomi Nagata.”

“Pashang ya,” Naomi replied with artificial bluster. She brought her hand to Drummer’s face and felt her lean against it. “Love you, too.” Naomi leaned in and kissed Drummer.

After a few moments, Drummer pulled away. “Long way to Ceres. Let’s move somewhere more comfortable.”

Naomi grinned and followed Drummer to her quarters.

Naomi x Drummer - “That’s not going to happen.”

Drummer convinced the medic to let her have one last night in her captain’s quarters before having surgery the next day. Whatever day and night meant in this fucked up area of space. She suspected that the only reason the medical personnel agreed is because they were exhausted and she wasn’t going to bled out on them.

“Can I come in?” Naomi appeared at the entrance of her quarters.

“Surprised you still here. Thought you’d be with your Inners.” Drummer looked around. She hadn’t quite figured out how she’d get out of her walking frame and get herself into her bunk.

Naomi held up the screwdriver she had in her hands. “I wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself.” She moved to start loosening the joints of the apparatus so Drummer could pull herself out of it using the handhold scattered around the room that the Mormons installed in case of loss of gravity.

And Drummer hated that her body needed Naomi’s pity at this time. She was happy that Naomi had saved her life, but her pride was wounded in how fast Holden pulled Naomi away from her. Once she and Naomi had gotten her into her bunk, Drummer reached behind her head and grabbed a bottle. Naomi looked at her disapprovingly. “No painkillers, remember?” Drummer said.

Naomi sighed. “How are you, Camina?”

Drummer took a slug out of the bottle. “I hurt everywhere I can feel. Almost died again. And I assume you’re here to tell me you’re leaving.”

Naomi nodded.

“Fine. I’ll see you again when you need something from me.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Drummer looked at her, unable to keep her anger, hurt and sadness out of her eyes. “Oh?”

Naomi sighed and perched on Drummer’s bunk. “I need to go back to the Roci. That’s my family. I love them.”

“I thought you loved me.” Drummer hated that she sounded like a sullen child, but after the last 72 hours had no energy to stop herself.

“I do.”

“But you love him more.”

“It’s not like that. The Roci is my home. It’s where I feel like I fit the universe. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean you won’t see me again. It just means - it won’t be like this.”

Drummer was exhausted and unable to cope with the multitude of emotions swirling in her. So she remained silent.

“Some day, I hope you find the place where you fit the universe.” Naomi kissed Drummer’s forehead. “I’ll send you a message tomorrow. I hope you’ll let me know how your surgery goes.”

After Naomi left, Drummer felt like destroying something but her body was stuck in her bunk. So she drank and tried to sleep.

#camina drummer #naomi nagata #the expanse #draomi #naomi x drummer #spettro280

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #450

Top Ten Characters with the Best Star Trek: The Next Generation Episodes

As I’m writing this, it’s officially Star Trek: Discovery day; the first episode of the new season is up on Netflix and ready to watch. Given how little time I manage to find for watching anything that I want to watch, I’m cautiously optimistic that I can get to see it this weekend, but we’ll see; my lovely wife might want to finally catch up with Star Trek: Picard first, which for some reason she never finished. Regardless, I’m excited, and I wanted to write about Star Trek again.

The new Star Trek series have been a bit of a roller coaster, because whilst they’ve both generally been very good, they’ve certainly had their odder and more controversial moments, and neither of them has consistently felt like classic Trek. If I had to be critical, I’d argue that there are plenty of darker adult-tinged sci-fi shows at the moment, including ones set in space, but not that many that follow the day-to-day travails of a starship crew, which as always been Trek’s raison d'être. However, both shows have succeeded in giving us some compelling stories and – especially in the case of Discovery – a fantastic cast of new characters to celebrate. Great characterisation has been the cornerstone of Trek since the beginning, and no doubt one of the reasons why it still resonates to this day, from the “Holy Trinity” of Kirk, McCoy, and Spock, through to the wonderful and insanely empathetic Saru in Discovery and Captain Sexpot Rios in Picard. The fact that we’re now in a new time period, with no established history to try to tie the narrative to, means Discovery 3 is in a great place to give us some great new stories.

Anyway, to celebrate all of this – the new season of Discovery and my overall love of Star Trek characters – I’ve decided to go back to the Next Generation well and talk about just that: characters. TNG famously hit its stride when it started focusing each story through the lens of the different characters on the show, so that we tended to get a “Worf episode” or a “Riker episode”; even the best eps, the biggest and most epic, really had a tendency to hone in on one or two characters specifically, such as the all-time classic “The Best of Both Worlds” really being about Picard and Riker, or “Yesterday’s Enterprise” being a much-belated Tasha Yar episode.

But which characters have the best episodes? That is, if you know an episode is focused on a particular character, how likely is it that it’s going to be a belter? Can you reasonably say one character was better served than another in terms of the quality of “their” episodes? Well, yes. Yes you can. That’s this list. That’s the whole thing.

So this list is basically which characters have the best episodes, or are more likely to. It’s not a list of my favourite characters, or even really a list of the best episodes overall; it’s just, well, who got to chew scenery the most on the bridge, basically. Now, I really feel like I should end this blurb with an appropriate Star Trek quote, but I must have used “Make it so” and “Engage” before, so I’m not sure what else to say.

May the Force be with you, I guess.

Picard: Yes, of course; he’s the star, he’s the stand-out actor of the bunch, he gets the best episodes. If it focuses on the captain, you can rest assured you’re in for a treat. Whether it’s an epic mythology-enhancing saga or – even better – a slower, sadder meditation on life, Picard’s episodes are engaging. Chortle. Also if there’s room for a classic Picard Monologue, all the better; I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about Patrick Stewart, but the guy can chew scenery. Key episodes: The Best of Both Worlds, The Drumhead, The Hidden Light

Worf: Worf’s complex backstory offers a lot of opportunities for great stories, with the caveat that pretty much all of them focus on Klingon history or the contrast between his heritage and his place in Starfleet. Issues of familial loyalty rub up against quasi-Shakespearean dynastic dramas, often with high adventure. You can assume a Worf ep is a good one, despite the fact that quite a few of them are also about Alexander. Key episodes: Sins of the Fathers, Redemption, Birthright

Data: everyone’s second-favourite emotionless nerd on Star Trek, Data’s eps are almost uniformly great, and often poke at what it means to be alive. There may be a bit of ground retrod as we examine the notion of humanity, or sentience, or emotion, but his episodes are always interesting, and often very funny, and Brent Spiner is a continuing delight. Key episodes: The Measure of a Man, The Offspring, Brothers

Q: is it cheating to include a recurring guest star? Maybe, but I don’t care. John de Lancy is just phenomenal as Q, one of the best Trek characters, and so good he became a My Little Pony. He’s arch, he’s hilarious, he can take the show into new directions; he raises questions of fate, or of the concept of divinity; and underneath it all there’s a malevolent streak, a genuine sense of danger exemplified in his first appearance. Pairs very well with Picard, naturally. I didn’t like the Robin Hood episode, though. Key episodes: Deja Q, Encounter at Farpoint, Q Who

Riker: he’s a Kirk-esque horn-dog ragamuffin with a heart of gold and a fist of steel, so there’s always a lot to love when William T. takes the helm (see what I did there?). Often issues of loyalty, or duty versus personal wishes, arise; he’s frequently putting his life on the Enterprise above his career. But he’s also a very moralistic character, so quite often he’ll be trying to do the right thing in tough circumstances. Key episodes: The Pegasus, Future Imperfect, Frame of Mind

Crusher: always a stand-out supporting character, Crusher has some great episodes focused on her too; usually quite a self-righteous sort who puts the immediate moral obligation above her own safety or duty to Starfleet, which raises lots of interesting, thorny questions. She’s a smart cookie, exemplified in the astounding Remember Me; her relationships with her son and with Picard are good to explore too. She also shagged a ghost, but let’s try to forget about that. Key episodes: Remember Me, Attached, Suspicions

Wesley: pigeonholed somewhat unfairly due to a few ropey first-season episodes, Wesley Crusher is actually an interesting character whose stand-out storylines offer a good deal of nuance and intrigue, as well as exciting hi-jinks, insights into the Federation, and – should you go that far – weird magic Jedi stuff. He gets a nice romance with Ashley Judd, we unpeel his relationship with Picard over multiple episodes, and the bloom comes off the rose in spectacular fashion when he gets to Starfleet Academy. Wil Wheaton was a good young actor and was sadly underserved by the show, but at least we get these eps. Key episodes: The Game, Final Mission, The First Duty

Pulaski: say whaaat? Yes, she’s only in the show for five minutes, but Doctor Pulaski gets a few crackers under her belt in that time. A bit like Crusher would later, she often excels when standing up to authority and presenting herself as a moral arbiter. Interestingly, she’s not always right, and it’s a fun dance to watch. She’s also been round the block a bit, adding facets to her relationships with other characters, particularly Riker. And, of course, she flirts with a bunch of polygons when Geordi and Data cock up the Holodeck. Key episodes: Elementary, Dear Data, Unnatural Selection, The Icarus Factor

Troi: sadly suffering in the face of a bunch of soppy romances and storylines involving her mother that are, shall we say, an acquired taste, Troi still gets some good stuff, mostly later in the series’ run. Taking her out of her comfort zone, making her a spy or an investigator, or giving her some proper dramatic meat, works wonders. Also once she was a cake. Key episodes: Face of the Enemy, Eye of the Beholder, Dark Page

LaForge: oh, Geordi. I love Georgi, but he kinda got done dirty a little bit. Always an interesting and dependable secondary character, unfortunately the bulk of his episodes as a primary character tend to revolve around him being a bit of a jerk or a bit of a creep. Obviously the most heinous sin is making a computer program based on a real person and then, well, trying to shag it, but he also has a tendency to be a dick to anyone new in Engineering. He’s even a bit of a dick to Scotty! I sometimes think the writers never quite had a handle on Geordi’s character; is he a young tech genius with poor social skills? Is he supposed to be arrogant? A wannabe lothario who’s just really unlucky? Anyway, like I say, I still love the guy to bits, and LeVar Burton is fantastic, but of all the main ensemble, his are the flakiest solo episodes. That said, the three listed here are all belters. Key episodes: The Next Phase, The Enemy, Relics

Anyway. There we are. I’ve still, as of going “to press”, not watched Discovery season 3, and my wife’s still not watched the end of season 1 of Picard. Any day now…!

#top ten #star trek #picard #discovery #the next generation #star trek discovery #star trek tng

[tangledstarlight]

choices we make (they can define us)

SPOILERS for nemesis games and babylon's ashes. seven years after the ships vanished through the gate, filip makes a call that he should have a long time ago.

' He couldn’t change things with Marco. It was a ship that had long since sailed and vanished. But Naomi was still out there. If he wanted to, he could try to talk to her. To reach out and try to salvage the remains of a relationship they barely had to begin with. '

i just wanted a filip and naomi reunion moment in ab or pr or a whole novella i dont care so i made it myself ok. (first time i’ve done an expanse fic so like. be nice? ikd) 

also on ao3

Filip.

His name had been Filip Inaros once upon a time. He had meant to be part of something big, something amazing, something history altering.

And then he hadn’t been.

He had met his mother. He had met the people his actions affected. He had seen the destruction and wreckage he had caused in a new light. He had let the little voice in the back of his mind to get a foothold and power through.

He had thrown away his gun, his terminal, his uniform. He had thrown away his name.

As far as anyone knew, Filip Inaros had vanished and died through the ring gates with the remnants of the Free Navy and Marco. In a way, he supposed it was true. If you wanted the solar system and its inhabitants to think you were dead, there wasn’t really a more spectacular way to do so.

He had been sitting in the waiting area of the workers union, his attention, like everyone else's, had been on the screens showing fifteen ships speeding for the ring gate and the certain destruction of the lone gun ship on the other side. Filip doubted anyone else in the room had known the true significance of Marco’s hatred for the Rocinante and her crew.

And then all fifteen ships had vanished. Between one blink and the next. There then gone.

Filip could still remember the silence that had fallen over the room, over the whole station. Everything that happened after that was a blur. He couldn’t remember getting his job assignment. Or when he moved into a tiny crappy hole in the worst part of the station. For long months he just went through the motions of living while his brain came to terms with the sudden gaping loss in his life, his heart.

He should have been on the ship. Should have been strapped into one of the crash couches next to Marco. Should have vanished into atoms along with the rest of them. Should have. Should have . Should have . On repeat in his brain.

News of the Rocinante making its way back to Sol for some big important meeting broke through the fog in his mind. Life was still going on. People were scrambling and trying to fix all the problems Marco and his Free Navy had left behind. It was the first time he remembers hating him, for caring more about them and ‘wrongs’ they had caused him instead of the Belt.

They were supposed to show the Inners their strength, to build a better future for all Belters, do something history altering. All Marco managed to do was destroy the Earth and leave everyone on the verge of collapse and death, at the mercy of the Inners. All because Naomi Nagata had walked away from him twice and never looked back. He wanted to hate her for it too, but he couldn’t find the hate for her anymore.

Where they should have been celebrating victory, freedom, only Filip stood. Doing what he could to help fix the station he had helped wreck on his fifteenth birthday.

Because Filip Inaros had been meant to be part of this something big, something amazing, something history altering. And it hadn’t happened. It was a dream lost to the void and it’s place taken by Filip Nagata who wanted to try and ease the guilt simmering in his chest, wanted to be no one important, wanted to live his life based on his own choices.

Working on environmental systems was something he knew how to do, knew how to fix and improve. It gave his life a sense of monotony and he couldn’t complain. It was what he had chosen to do. But when the announcements came through that the newly formed Transport Union was looking to hire on crew for some of its new ships, Filip felt a longing for ship life he hadn’t even known was there.

 He wanted to be part of a crew again.

So he had signed up. No one had even looked at him twice when the name Filip Nagata was called and he found himself stretching out on his new bunk, smiling at the sounds of a ship around him.

He was pretty sure, if Marco was alive and could see him working for the union that had been James fucking Holden’s idea, he would have found himself in an airlock and a countdown to put on a vac suit. But Marco was gone – had been assumed dead for five years and counting – and the Belt had found its saviour in Michino Pa and a peace with the Inners even he couldn’t deny was beneficial to everyone.

They’d done everything Marco had promised, raised the Belt up from the ashes and gave them a voice. Made them strong and important in the new world order. Sometimes he wondered what Marco would think.

Alaya was born on Mars but had lived and worked on Ceres since she was fourteen and her family had relocated. She was part of the maintenance crew on the ship and they first met when Filip dropped noodles on her foot. She was sweet and funny, didn’t mind when he went quiet or that there were parts of his past he couldn’t talk about. She introduced him to new music and Martian shows he begrudgingly found funny, she was the first person he had been with for longer than a few nights before having to leave.

He was pretty sure he loved her.

So when the news came that her mother was dying and that she needed to come home, Filip went with her without a second thought.

Though the second thought came while they were in the middle of docking and he remembered Anderson Dawes banning him from Ceres for shooting a security officer and he wondered if anyone would recognise him despite the time that had passed and the change of his name.

Filip didn’t want his past to be revealed to Alaya because he was getting arrested or deported. The thought came that maybe it was time to tell her everything. Unburden his soul and hope she was there to catch him if he fell.

Seeing Alaya with her parents, the way they hugged each other, smiled and asked how she was, listened to her tell stories from the ship, it made Filip realise he had never really experienced it. The unconditional love of a family unit.

Because he had Marco by his side his whole life teaching him, helping him, preparing him for a life as a Belter in an self made army. He had spent his childhood on ships and surrounded by people who said they loved him and cared about him like family. But Marco had never sat down and listened to him talk the way he was seeing now. Never asked him what he wanted to do with his life. And he would never get the chance to change that now.

Because Naomi had left before he could really remember her, forced out by someone trying to make her someone she wasn’t. Forced to leave him behind because everyone said she was crazy for not wanting to kill Inners like a true Belter. And Filip was old enough now, had had enough time to think about the past to realise how much it had probably hurt her to leave him behind, how much strength it had probably taken to keep living after. He couldn’t hate her for it anymore. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready to wholly forgive her either.

He couldn’t change things with Marco. It was a ship that had long since sailed and vanished. But Naomi was still out there. If he wanted to, he could try to talk to her. To reach out and try to salvage the remains of a relationship they barely had to begin with.

The whole idea was terrifying.

He found a secluded corner and opened up a new comm and looked at himself in the little viewing window. His hair had grown longer after months on the ship and there were signs of patches of hair on his face from the beard he was attempting to grow. He wondered if she would recognise him. He found himself hoping she would. If he sent the message it would leave the choice up to her about what happened next.

Maybe she wouldn’t even care.

He needed to know if she cared.

“Naomi, it’s Filip. Thought I should tell you I never got on the Pella when he went after you. Know I should have sent this long time ago and but I–” he paused looking away from the terminal and tried to find the right words for what he wanted to say. Seven years of emotions wanting to spill out. “Didn’t know if you’d want to know. Didn’t know how to say it, yeah? Told me to find you if I wanted to die. Didn’t want to die, me, just wanted out. So got out. Spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I am in the last few years. Got people I care about, people who care about me. Want to be someone who helps fix things, not break them. And wanted you to know that I’m okay,” It seemed like an insignificant explanation but it was the best he could do. “That I’m living a life I like. Been thinking me, yeah? On Ceres for a while, lots of time to think about things. About the past. Me and you, if you wanted, still chance to get to know each other, yeah? Past is past but we still got chance for a future maybe.”

Filip looked at himself in the viewing window, trying to decide if there was anything else he wanted to say. He could still delete the message, push his terminal back in his pocket and pretend he’d never thought about it. But then he remembered watching Alaya and her mom just that morning as they drank coffee and talked quietly together about plans they might not get to have.

He pressed send and tried not to think about it for the rest of the day.

☆☆☆

Naomi.

The message came through while Naomi was alone on the ops deck and in the middle of checking through their inventory, flagging what they needed to get once they hit Ceres. She had been expecting a response from someone about discounted replacement parts so hit play without checking the recipient. Her heart stuttered a beat as Filips voice filled the silence.

“Naomi, it’s Filip. Thought I should tell you…” She stopped listening. Her heartbeat echoing in her ears as all she could do were stare at the screen, at her boy as he talked. Not dead. He wasn’t dead. Naomi wasn’t sure she was breathing. Wasn’t sure she knew how to breathe anymore.

She had left him twice, had lost him three times. She had mourned. Had been mourning since the day she first left Ceres. And had never thought she would hear his voice again, see his face. The message had stopped play, was frozen on the screen with Filip facing the camera but looking away, jaw clenched like he was struggling with something. Forcing a breath out through her mouth, Naomi counted to five slowly before she played the message again, prepared to hear his voice this time and listened to what he had to say.

She listened to it another five times and didn’t notice when she started crying. She didn’t hear Jim coming up in the lift until he was standing behind her.

“Shit is that–?” He didn’t finish the sentence as Naomi paused the message and turned around in her chair, using the chuffs of her coveralls to wipe at her cheeks.

“Filip. He’s not dead.” Those three words started repeating themselves in her head, bouncing around as she tried to believe them. He’s not dead. He’s not dead. He’s not dead. He’s not dead.

“Shit,” he said again as if it was the only thing thought in his head. She couldn’t blame him. Her thoughts weren’t any more coherent right now either. “Can I?” Jim gestured to the message, asking permission to hear it. Naomi played it again, listened to it for the sixth time. Listening to it with someone else made it feel more real, made her believe it wasn’t a dream.

The two of them sat in silence for long seconds after it finished both of them lost in their own thoughts and emotions.

“What are you going to do?” Jim asked his eyes on hers and a small smile on his lips. As if he already knew what she was going to do before she had even decided.

“He wants to get to know me. I–,” Naomi shook her head once and closed her eyes to order her thoughts, her emotions. There were too many to sort through, so she clung to the joy and relief and new found hope. She could worry about the rest later. Opening her eyes she let out a deep breath and turned to face Jim with a small smile of her own. She knew he would support her whatever her choice. “I need to reply. Tell him I want the chance too.”

“Okay. Want me to keep everyone out of here while you do it?”

“Gonna do it in our room. Quiter. Might take me a while.” She got up from her crash couch, stretching her arms above her head, paused to kiss Jim on the cheek once before heading towards the lift, already trying to work out what she was going to say. She stopped before she headed down, looking back to Jim as he watched her. “Can you tell the others, please?”

“Of course. I’ll be in the galley if you need me.” And she knew he meant it, if she needed him for anything he would be there. She loved him for it, even more for him knowing she needed to do this alone.

Alone in her and Jim's room, Naomi sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her terminal. Everything she wanted to say seemed insignificant, seemed too small, seemed too late for the situation they were in. But he had reached out to her, and Naomi wasn’t about to let him go again. Opening the message she let it play again, using the minutes to calm her racing heart and focus her thoughts. When the prompt to reply flashed, she hit it.

“Hello Filip. I– thank you doesn’t seem like the right thing to say, but it’s the only thing I can think of. Knowing that you’re not– knowing that you’re okay, it’s something I never thought I’d hear you say. I’m glad you’re okay. All I ever wanted was for you to be okay, to be happy, yeah?” She tried to smile, hoping it came across as genuine and not so grimaces as it did to her. “You have been part of my heart from the second you were born, I’ll take being part of your life in anyway you’ll let me. We’re docking on Ceres in a few weeks, if you want we could meet? Talk, dinner on me,” she shrugged with one hand, trying to nonchalance but failing and not caring. “Up to you. I'm glad you’re okay Filip, I hope you’re happy too.”

She didn’t stop to review it, knowing she would never be able to make it perfect the way she wanted it to be. There probably wasn’t a way to make it perfect, this wasn’t really something people did every day. She just hit send, watching as the file loaded and zipped off at lightspeed along with all the hope she didn’t know she still had.

The reply came two days later while she was in the galley with Bobbie as they stood around the coffee machine. It must have been obvious from the look on her face what it was.

“Want me to go?” She asked and it took Naomi a split second to decide she didn’t want to be alone this time.

“No, no it’s okay. Stay,” she looked up at her over the top of her terminal and Bobbie gave her a reassuring smile as Noami took a deep breath and hit play. She was ready for his voice this time, ready to see his face. It still felt like a punch to the gut though. It was a short message.

“Dinner sounds good. Things to talk about, no light delay make it easier, yeah?” There was a hint of a smile in his voice she thought, or maybe it was just wishful thinking. “Send details after you dock.” It seemed like that was all he had to say as he a small furrow appeared between his brows before it vanished and he spoke again. “I am happy. Glad you’re okay too.”

Naomi blew out a breath and closed her eyes. He wanted to meet, have dinner, talk. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or shout with joy. Instead she let out a strangled sounding laugh.

“That’s good, right?” Bobbie asked and Naomi opened her eyes at the hint of concern she heard in the Martians voice.

“Yeah, no yeah this– shit this is good. I didn’t...I didn’t think he’d want to meet.” She accepted that her relationship with him would consist of short messages and that would be okay. Being able to see him in the flesh seemed unreal. Last time it hadn’t exactly ended well. Idly, Naomi wondered home many second chances she would get at this.

Bobbie squeezed her shoulder once and smiled.

“We’ll brainstorm some good places for you two to have an easy meeting. I don’t think any of our usual haunts are gonna cut it, karaoke and emotional reunions doesn’t seem like a good fit.”

Naomi laughed shaking her head a little but what Bobbie said worked to calm her thoughts down, easing her anxiety for a moment. She had just under two weeks to figure out a plan. She could do that.

☆☆☆

Filip.

Filip leaned against a wall opposite the entrance of Clock Work and tried to keep his fingers from tapping against his thighs as he waited. He’d already thought about turning back three times on his walk here and he was pretty close to making that four times. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he didn’t need questions answered or a relationship with his estranged mother. He could push away from the wall and walk back to the hole him and Alaya were renting and knew she wouldn’t judge him for it. He balled his hands up into fists.

It wasn’t until the reply from Naomi came that Filip knew he needed to tell her about his past. It hadn’t been as bad as he’d expected. She had had a lot of questions. They’d both cried. She’d told him he was a good man. He didn’t think she was right about that. But she had convinced him that meeting Naomi would be a good thing for them both.

“You said it yourself, she wants to try. You’ve both got questions and only the two of you can answer them for each other. You go. You sit and you talk. If at the end you don’t want to see her again, you’ve gotta hope she’ll respect that. If you want to get to know her more then at least you’ve got a starting point.”

So he’d said yes. And then gotten a text message two days ago asking if he was free today during the second shift and could meet at Clock Work two levels up from the docks. He’d almost said no before he had agreed. He really hated waiting.

Ten minutes before agreed upon time Filip saw her come around the corner. Her hair was longer and the way she held herself seemed different from he remembered, though he guessed when you weren’t somewhere against your will it did change the way you walked. For a moment Filip considered – for the fifth time, but who was keeping count? – turning away. He still had time, she hadn't spotted him yet.

And then she did. She hesitated midstep, causing people to swerve around her with annoyed grunts but she didn’t seem to notice. She was just looking at him. Deep down Filip was pretty sure if he decided to turn away now she wouldn’t follow him. He pushed away from the wall and took a step towards her, towards the tiny restaurant she had picked and she followed him. Neither of them talked while they entered and picked a booth at the back, not that it mattered, the place was empty.

“Glad you came, wasn’t sure you would,” Naomi said and there was a small hesitant smile there. He was glad she was finding this as hard as he was, and didn’t miss the honesty in the statement.

“Thought about turning back couple of times.” If she could be honest, he could too.

The silence between them was awkward and tense with so many different emotions he didn’t know which they were meant to address first. Maybe there was too much past in their past to move on from. They each ordered without talking and Filip began scratching at a part of the table top that was peeling away. When Naomi broke the silence he startled.

“So do you live on Ceres or just visiting?” Present was the safe subject, he wondered if she was building up to talking about the past.

“Visiting. I–” he paused deciding if he wanted to talk about working for the Transport Union, about Alaya. It only took him a few seconds to decide he did. “After, lived on Callisto for a while, working on the environmental systems there, helped set up the new ones for the shipyard. Transport Union put out adverts for crew for some of their new ships, yeah? ‘Bout two years ago. I signed up. Work the Inners’ roots, don’t go through the rings. Met this girl. Alaya. Her– Her mom’s sick, she needed to come back home, I came with her.” He shrugged with his hands and dared a look at Naomi, to try and guess what she was thinking. He couldn’t decide what he saw on her face.

“Alaya. Wh-What’s she like?”

So Filip told her. About how they’d first met, about how she made him laugh, about how she was going to force him to visit Mars one day but that he was kind of excited about it. And he asked her questions too. About what she had been doing, what it was like going through the ring gates, visiting the new worlds. He didn’t mention Marco and she didn’t either. It went unsaid that in all her stories James Holden was present too, but that wasn’t a subject either of them were ready to touch yet.

They ate when their food came, keeping up their steady stream of easy conversation. He was smiling at her without thinking by the end of their meal and he found himself asking one of the questions that had always bugged him.

“Why him?”

She didn’t ask who he meant and she went quiet for a moment, frowning down at her bowl like she was thinking something through. When she blew out a breath and looked back up at him Filip knew he’d ended the time for pointless topics.

“After I left here the first time, ran away and signed up with the first long haul ship I could find, I shut myself down. Tried not to care about things like before. Promised myself I wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice, that I wouldn’t ever follow the fanatics or let people control me. Leaving you, broke something in me. Something I’ll never be able to fix. Didn’t leave looking to find someone new. Me and Jim,” she paused, and Filip watched a soft smile touch her lips as she shrugged at him, “Not something either of us was looking for or expecting. He’s...he’s there when I need him and knows when I need to be alone. He always respects my choices even if he doesn’t understand them. He doesn’t try to fix the broken things in me, doesn’t mind my past. He makes me laugh. He loves me and I love him. Can’t always choose who you love Filip, but I’d always choose him.”

Her hands were on the table, palms up and open. If he wanted to he could reach across and hold her hand, squeeze it and tell her he understood. Because, he did understand. Someone loving you despite your past was something he was just beginning to understand, he couldn’t hate her for finding that and not wanting to let it go.

He reached across and up his hand in hers. There was a split second where she didn’t react, frozen by the sudden contact, and then her fingers were wrapping around his and they were both squeezing a little too tight.

“Why did you decide to leave?”

Now it was her turn to ask a big question. His fault for starting the conversation down this road.

“Marco he–” Filip frowned a little not knowing why it was hard to talk about this with Naomi, “He said we were going to help the Belt. That everything about the Free Navy was to help the Belt to independence, to make it stronger. Kept said we were winning when we were just running away. And we were hurting the Belt too, yeah? Not helping. Reason Belters were dying. All he cared about was racing to the ring, to stop or kill you and Holden. Not about the Belt anymore. Nothing was his fault, all someone else's,” he stopped, trying to figure out where his thoughts were. He didn’t know how to explain it in a way that made sense.

“Wasn’t just one thing. Lots of little things, became big things. Way he treated me. Always a new plan pretending to be the original because the first one failed. Didn’t wanna be part of it anymore. You were right, yeah? Always got the right to walk away. So I did.”

“It must have been hard.”

Filip shrugged, he tried not to think about those first few days after he threw away his terminal, and had decided to leave everything behind. He wasn’t even sure he could remember what had happened, everything had been a haze back then. Tears pricked at his eyes and Filip used his free hand to wipe at them. He swallowed down the lump in his throat as Naomi squeezed his hand again.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you then. Here for you now though,” there was such kindness in her voice Filip couldn’t help but look at her or stop the smile.

“Okay.” He didn’t know what else to say. Didn’t seem to matter, she seemed to accept the answer for what it was. Clearing his throat once Filip slowly pulled his hand back, tried not to notice the frown he saw on her face. “Should be going. Said I’d help Alaya with something.”

“Right, of course,” she smiled at him and then shook her head when he reached out to pay his share of the tab. “Said I’d pay. Meal on me, remember? You can get it next time.” It was asking the question without even asking it. He was grateful she did and he wouldn’t be left wondering if maybe this was a one time thing.

“Yeah. There’s a place I know that does good kibble. Always got fresh spices,” he gave her a smile.

Saying goodbye brought back the air of awkwardness, though not as obvious as before. Neither of them seemed to know what to do with their hands, both knew they weren’t at a hugging stage but just parting without anything seemed wrong. Before he could decide if a handshake was worse then nothing Naomi grabbed his hand in both of hers and squeezed once, giving him a smile.

“Thank you. For all this. For reaching out. Kibble next time. Oyedeng, Filip. Stay safe, yeah?” She squeezed his hand again and then let go.

“Yeah. Bye, Naomi. See you again soon.” He didn’t wait to see if she watched him walk away, and he didn’t look around to watch her leave either. He just walked.

There was still a lot of pain and hurt between them, Filip didn’t know if they would ever be able to clear the air fully, but he was glad they had the chance to try now. He was glad to have a chance to get to know her. Would even – one day – be glad to know her new family. It was a long way off but knowing the choice was there meant everything.

#the expanse #Naomi Nagata #filip inaros #jim holden #naomi nagata x jim holden #marco inaros #im a big fan of filips character arch yknow and like. marco can rot in hell xoxox #rosie vs writing #also lmoa i defo just ramble for like 4k words idk why im like this #*fics

[kinky-miss-quinn]

Amos and Naomi Skip Shore Leave

Reading Time: 10 minutes

Rated: E for either "Everyone" or "Explicit", depending on who you ask. sex, emotion, aggression, light violence.

Story takes place after Eros, before Ganymede.

Synopsis: Amos is lost, figuratively, after Naomi starts spending all of her time with Jim. Neither is feeling up to a night on a pissant astroid visiting brothels, so they stay in to give the Roci some much needed love. Working in confined spaces with an Unleashed Amos is dangerous work, though...

It’s not like it was official “shore leave” or anything. They certainly weren’t fucking soldiers. And this was just some two-bit hunk of rock in Belter space. With their luck the whole station would collapse in their wake anyway, so Amos and Naomi let Jim and Alex have their fun at the brothel for the night while they stayed aboard the Roci.

They had too much work to do on the ship anyway. So as soon as the boys left, they ventured to the midsection of the ship to begin repairs. It was hot and cramped in the compartment they had to work in. A maintenance walkway three feet wide that ran the length of the ship wasn’t the ideal place to spend the day with a brooding Amos. They could stand, but any time they tried to turn, they collided, causing Amos to growl.

His attitude cut deep. Naomi had been missing her one on one time with Amos. He’d been giving her the cold shoulder all week, and while she could handle a puppy-dog pout from most men, this doggy had teeth.

She knew he was likely to rage at her once the dam had broken. But she knew she’d be safe from his wrath. Angry or not, he was still her dog. She cringed thinking about it. She’d lied and betrayed her relationship when she’d claimed otherwise, but it was just too damn weird to think about.

Naomi didn’t know what to say though, so she trudged on, re-enforcing the hull in tense silence.

AMOS’S MIND

Amos was fuming as she worked beside him. He could smell her so distinctly in their confined quarters and all he wanted was for her to hold him as she had before…before Jim.

Personally, he liked Jim. But if Naomi touched him one more time when Amos wasn’t getting any affection he was going to beat Jim to death. It was so simple in Amos’s mind: she could just fuck them both.

For a brief moment, he saw Naomi fucking Jim, himself sitting at attention in a chair nearby, hand furiously pumping his cock, eyes locked on his Goddess as she ignored him.

Amos was torturing himself. He loved the vision so much that he groaned in frustration, uttering a single “shit” under his breath.

Amos had to calm himself down so he changed his daydream to something familiar.

He was imagining Jim’s blood dripping from the corner of the command console, his body broken in half, in fact, when Naomi shifted. All of his work was undone.

CONFUSION

He growled when he wanted to whimper. Let me serve you. She was so warm and soft, and everything he never wanted to be. I’m not lost. I’m not lost, he thought desperately as Naomi flinched away from him again.

Every time she pulled away it felt like she didn’t want to be like him either and until now she’d managed to hide how much his differences disgusted her.

At that moment Amos and Naomi were in dangerous territory. Because right then Amos didn’t believe he was anyone’s dog. Outwardly he seemed mechanical as he inserted rivet after rivet. Inwardly, he was more dangerous than ever.

He was so fucking hard. Every brush of her elbow made his fingers twitch with frustration. But she’d never given permission, and now he felt like he knew why. Like any well-trained dog in front of steak, he waited instead of taking. But he was losing his focus. With no collar, no leash, he didn’t know what to do.

AFTERNOON WOES

Naomi, for all of her empathy and intelligence, sensed only brattiness from Amos. She knew he was hurt that she’d been preoccupied with Jim, and assumed he was jealous that it had evolved into more. He’d seemed more than ok when they’d told him they’d been sleeping together, but she didn’t trust it. There was some piece of the puzzle that she was missing.

She wracked her brain trying to figure out what had Amos so tense while she worked on panel after panel of the hull. After every rivet, she followed with a sort of caulking gun, ensuring that vibration the of the Roci wasn’t going to pop them free. She gave up on figuring him out and kept working.

This wasn’t the place to have this conversation. Amos would need things to throw, and directions to throw them in that wouldn’t hurt Naomi.

So they worked in silence, the tension growing. The hours passed and Naomi’s arms started getting tired. Her mind was wandering to her latest tryst with Jim and she stopped caring about Amos’s growls. Let him fume for a while, she thought as she received a particularly deep growl.

UNEXPECTED

They slid slowly across the narrow hallwayesque perimeter of the ship until Amos was cornered against the far wall. Slowly, they worked their way counter-clockwise from the middle of the bottom, all the way around until they had just the bottom corner to finish. They sat on the floor, knees pressed together, and Amos wanted to die…or kill something.

Naomi reached across him to seal the final few rivets, starting above his head and slowly encroaching on his space more and more. His eyes were wide and wild as she leaned forward across his body. He watched a bead of sweat slowly descend her neck, down to her dark tit and couldn’t look away. As Naomi shifted to another rivet, the bead trembled and fell right into Amos’s outstretched hand.

It was too much. Too tempting. He had to get out.

Amos tried to jump back but there was nowhere to go. Where was his direct nature now, when it could actually save him? His body slammed into the wall and he bounced forward. Before he knew it, he was climbing to his feet, ready to bolt.

Naomi was quicker though, and intentionally blocking his way.

“Stop. Stop! Look at me, Amos! What’s going on?”

He was too far gone to answer. She stood there with her flight suit tied around her waist, just a white sweat-drenched tank-top covering her soft torso. His cock was throbbing and he wanted so many things.

“Answer me, Amos!” Her concerned tone drew him in. This was his Goddess. She couldn’t reject him. All he had to do was go to her, she’d understand.

TOO MUCH FOR AMOS AND NAOMI

He took a step forward, meaning to go to her. But she flinched, stepping back. It was a slight that even Naomi comprehended. It was his turn to flinch. As she stepped forward, trying to amend her betrayal, he whirled, cowering in the corner.

She knelt beside him, her hand hovering over his back. He was so reliable and strong for her that she forgot how broken and young he truly was.

“I’m sorry. I’m not afraid, I swear. Just confused, Amos. Talk to me.”

She let her hand lay upon his back, only slightly hesitating at the low groan and stiffening of his shoulders. As he crouched over his dripping erection, Naomi closed the distance even more, wrapping herself around his back, understanding nothing.

A war raged inside of her dog as she whispered in his ear.

“Do you remember when this used to come so naturally to us? You and me, I mean, just holding each other? What happened, Amos? Why was today to tense?”

How could he possibly answer? He didn’t even know what he wanted. Every time he imagined her disgust his cock twitched, demanding the opportunity to let her see the error of her ways. Part of him wanted to chop it off and offer it as a gift, though. I’d rather chop my dick off than let it offend you would be a nice gift, right?

LOSING IT

All he knew was that he was losing self-control and he’d never forgive himself if he hurt his Goddess. The words all jammed in his throat as he trembled. He needed an anchor. Reaching back, he grabbed Naomi’s hand, tugging it into his arms.

She was patient with him, only rolling her eyes a little bit when he tugged her arm into his “den”, but she feared for him. Only once had she seen him so broken: when she’d first found him. The thought made her hug him tighter, pressing her firm tits into his back.

Naomi felt his whole body spasm when she did it, and her eyebrows drew down as she grew more concerned.

“Come on Amos, let’s go. We’re all done here. We can go talk somewhere else…anywhere else actually…please, Amos.”

She tugged on her arm gently as she finished, and Amos whimpered. He knew he had to let go, but he couldn’t follow her, not like this. The though of being left alone with this desire, confusion, and emptiness was too much for him.

Lightning fast, he spun around, grabbing Naomi by the neck with one hand. She couldn’t go.

“You can’t go. I can’t do it. Please. Please!”

He squeezed, his eyes glazed with fear. No, stop, Goddess! He relaxed his grip so that his hand cupped her jaw, pinning her to the grating gently, thoughts swirling through his head. Her arms scrabbled at his hands as he laid her back. He lowered himself after her, knowing he’d crossed too many lines to count.

He let his head rest on her chest, listening to her thundering heart and released her neck.

“You can’t leave.”, was all he said.

AMOS AND NAOMI: REELING

Naomi could feel his desperation now and she wanted to erase it. She still had no idea what had sparked this insecurity, but even if Amos couldn’t find the words, he was speaking a language she understood: violence.

She no longer feared what he would do next because so long as she let him know she wasn’t leaving, he’d be ok. Naomi hadn’t felt his hard cock yet, though. She didn’t get that his need for her ran deeper than his need for a stand-in conscience.

So she stroked his hair and held him tight as he trembled above her. From his perspective, he’d fucked up massively. The moment he let her up, she was going to run off and tell Jim. Amos would then have to kill Jim, Naomi would leave, and he’d be alone. Again.

HEATED

But his dick was so hard. And his Goddess was beneath him for the first and possibly last time ever. He had to at least get them both off.

Amos was essentially laying on his side between Naomi’s legs, his hips pulled back to keep his cock off of her. His hands were on either side of her, gripping the grating. With a shift of his hips, he let the tip of his dick barely touch her lower thigh.

The pleasure was immediate. She didn’t feel it yet but just knowing that a broken creature like himself had gotten to do it drove him wild. Turning his head to the side, he nuzzled into Naomi’s tits. She gasped underneath him as his teeth tugged at a nipple.

He hadn’t even realized what he was doing. Everything was instinct and desire, and before he knew it he was cupping her pussy through her flight suit. Amos squeezed it as his teeth tugged her nipple. His hips thrust forward without his consent, pressing his full length into Naomi’s thigh for the first time.

She felt every ridge of its thick girth press into her, Amos could tell. Her hands flew up as if to cup it, but stopped at the last moment. He wanted to cry in frustration, but instead, he began slowly humping her leg, groaning around her nipple with each thrust.

He could do this for hours if she’d just let him. But she deserved more. If only she knew what he had to offer…

SATISFYING A GODDESS

Amos kept humping as his eyes rolled up in his head. If felt so good to be this close to Naomi. She deserved so much pleasure. He had so much to offer her. Fearing what would happen if he let her up, though, he pressed his thumb into the material of the flight suit right between her pussy lips.

In time with his own thrusts, he moved his thumb up and down her slit. She was panting beneath him, but so much quieter than the times he’d overheard her with Jim. He had to make her scream. His mind tacked on an ominous one way or another and his cock strained even harder.

Amos picked up the pace of his humping and fingering until he was convinced Naomi was too horny to run away. As quickly as he could, he raised her up, yanked her suit and panties to her knees and tugged her tank top over her head.

Before he’d even fully laid her back again, his mouth was suctioned over her cunt while his arm pinned her below her breasts. He spread her legs over his shoulders and let his tongue wander over her clit. He desperately wanted to just sink his tongue into her pussy, but her pleasure came first.

AMOS AND NAOMI LET GO

Amos stayed on her clit even as Naomi’s hips bucked. He kept his arm firmly in place and used his other to tease the outside of her pussy. His eyes darted to hers, his mouth still locked on her clit, when she let out a whimper.

Fear welled inside of him for a brief moment until he realized she wanted more. With a smirk only he could see, he quickly pressed a finger inside of her dark pussy.

“Amos!” , it came out as a gasp, reverent and shocked.

He needed to hear it again. Desperately. For the rest of his life, it would be the high that he’d chase, but for now, he needed to focus.

With one thrust his finger had been coated in more pussy juice than Amos could have imagined. His mind dreamed of pumping two fingers in and out as hard and fast as he could, but if he made her cum all over his hand he’d never get to experience it for himself.

He knew it was a liberty he had no right to take, but he needed it. Desperately, he looked for a solution. As he contemplated, he sat up, resting Naomi’s thighs over his own. Deep in thought, he unzipped his pants and presented his Goddess with his thick, throbbing dick.

He couldn’t take any chances because he physically couldn’t take no for an answer. Amos grabbed his dick around the base, his eyes on Naomi as he rubbed it against her slit.

AMOS AND NAOMI: DEEP

“You have to ask. Please. Please, just ask for it. I’ll do anything you want, just please, you have to…”

Naomi silenced him with a finger against his lips. She sat up, pressing her forehead into his, her lips so close he could feel each word when she spoke.

“Will you make me cum, please, Amos?”

With a peck on the lips, she laid back, her dripping pussy wide open to Amos. He sat forward, cock in hand, and let it catch ever so slightly on the bottom of her pussy. He hesitated, still not trusting that his Goddess’s pussy was actually going to surround him.

With a growl, he slowly pressed forward. Inch after inch sank inside, until he was balls deep in his Goddess. It felt so fucking right. Like being home. He thrusted upwards into her gspot as he focused on her pleasure. She gasped and Amos lost control. Every smooth wall of her pussy squeezed his cock as he rocked in and out, gaining momentum.

He began fucking her in earnest, lifting her legs higher as he slammed into her warm, perfect pussy. His mouth dropped open when she started squeezing him and he had to hold back the waves of cum ready to explode. He’d gotten permission to make her cum, not permission to blow his load before her.

READY

He was close to the edge though, so he did what any reasonable man would do: He took his thumb, coating it in spit, and slowly pressed it into Naomi’s asshole. He’d lick her perfect body from the inside out if she’d let him, but for now, he’d use just a light fingering to help get her off.

It worked, to say the least. Amos pumped into her so fast that his balls slapped with each thrust, and when he added his thumb to her ass, it was over. Her walls fluttered around him, at first. Soon, she lost control fully. Her mouth tightened into an O and her pussy convulsed and squirted around Amos’s dick.

He pressed his cock as deeply inside of her as he could for a brief moment, gave her two more thrusts and then pulled out. It was barely in time. He came all over the outside of her pussy, his hand firmly guiding each rope of jiss to her cunt.

As the last drop landed on Naomi, he flopped onto his back beside her. It was what he’d needed, but it was more than he could have ever hope for. What would come next, what with Jim still not being murdered and all, he didn’t know. But he knew that “Amos and Naomi” would figure it out.

#the expanse fanfiction #the expanse master list #the expanse fanfic #the expanse #the+expanse+fanfic #naomi nagata #amos burton #amos x naomi #amos/naomi #naomi x amos #fan fic writing #fan fiction #fanfic #lemon

[jamesv-t]

2018 Best Songs

As per last year - a round dozen songs, with a bonus thirteenth track for the deluxe edition. One song per artist, “featuring on” doesn’t count towards that one per artist total - although I’m limiting myself to one “feat.” as well.

13. Dagny - Love You Like That

Youtube // Spotify

I’m taking some liberties with these songs, as while they were all new to me this year, this song (and one other) were released late in 2017. However as most Best Of Year End lists are compiled in November for press in December, and it’s my list so it’s my rules, I’m bending things in this new age of streaming services where most songs don’t have a release date - or even a physical release. Dagny came to my attention late this year, as one of her songs was played before Sigrid came on stage and I liked it enough to Shazam. Scandanavian pop became my niche interest this autumn and Dagny filled that with aplomb.

12. Anavae - Afraid

Youtube // Spotify

Bit of a year for the London based duo, after the highs of their first headline tour in the Spring to parting ways with their absolute dicks of a label, to successfully launching a PledgeMusic campaign that, it’s probably fair to say, was more overwhelmingly positive than expected! This is the first song publicly released from the Pledge EP and demonstrates the growth the band have gone through over the last few years. If this is the direction they’re going in I’m all aboard the hype train!

11. Pale Waves - Red

Youtube // Spotify

I heard a lot of buzz about Pale Waves’ album from friends on Twitter when it was released in October so I figured I’d give it a listen. I wasn’t disappointed with what I heard, but oddly the song that stuck out to me was an album track rather than one of the singles. A band who’ve built on Chvrches’ synthpop and made something better (it’s telling that this makes the cut while nothing from the Glasgow band’s third album does), this is one of those songs I can listen to on repeat without getting bored of it.

10. Troye Sivan ft. Ariana Grande - Dance To This

Youtube // Spotify

The first male vocal on this list, and also the first instance of me cheating my own rules to squeeze in an artist who’ll appear later on, using a “feat.” credit. While she’s not been brutally eviscerating sentient ham Piers Morgan on Twitter, Ariana’s steadily rolled out some bangers throughout the year, and this guest appearance just adds a lovely air to a genuinely nice song. While some pop songs conjure up images of a thrilling romance, this is a cozy afternoon on the couch, and all the better for it.

9. Avril Lavigne - Head Above Water

Youtube // Spotify

A bit of a departure from my other favourite Canadian singer. Rather than coming out swinging for the fences with a bratty pop-punk belter leading off a new album, as she has done since bursting onto the scene in 2002, Avril launched this new era with a hopeful uplifting ballad. A more mature sound (it’s tricky to pull off a defiant teenage punk act when you’re 34) no doubt influenced by her issues with lyme disease, it’s got me looking forward to the new album.

8. MNEK ft. Hailee Steinfeld - Colour

Youtube // Spotify

Thanks to seeing both artists in support slots, and copious showings of the video before Little Mix, I managed to hear this song at three separate gigs this year, which may be some form of record for me. Another nice, lovely song that won’t storm the charts or break the internet but it will make the day seem a little less grey when you listen to it - and isn’t that the point of pop?

7. Lena - Thank You

Youtube // Spotify

The artist with the most scrobbled track in my 13 year Last.fm listening history, Lena came back this year with a wonderfully sarcastic peon to an ex. A slow-burner, this song was initially written off by me as a passable single unfortunately overshadowed by Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” released a week beforehand, but it burrowed deep into my skull and became a track I frequently returned to, discovering new things each time. I just wish she’d tour in England!

6. K.I.D - Boy (reprise)

Youtube // Spotify

Like the Dagny track I’ve fudged the timeline slightly for this song as well, as this was released in November last year but I only discovered it in July on a Spotify playlist. That was overshadowed by the discovery of Poppy, a sentient singing Siri, but this track kept reappearing on Discover playlists until the raw emotion and yearning of Boy became something I made a note of. A beautiful ballad of teenage lust, the acoustic version has a bit more passion than the original, and I can see this being a random deep cut I return to in years to come.

5. Sigrid - High Five

Youtube // Spotify

Sigrid won the BBC’s Sound of 2018 poll at the start of the year, and has been pushed heavily since, with tours increasing in venue size throughout the year. With a debut album next year she’s poised to break through into the mainstream; given the rate of bangers she’s put out (and the newer songs she played on the autumn tour) it’ll be justified. Scandinavians just do pop better than everyone else and this is the perfect example of it - a frothy fun song that seems pleasant on first listen, until you realise how biting the lyrics are.

4. Ariana Grande - God is a woman

Youtube // Spotify

It’s a long journey from the third female in a kid’s TV show to being the first person ever to be named an honorary citizen of Manchester after her response to the bombing after her gig, to having to publicly deal with one actual and one threatened suicide of her ex-boyfriends. In between all that Ari released several bangers. While No Tears Left To Cry had a cathartic energy to it that launched a new era while still paying tribute to Manchester, this track was a statement of intent that blew me away. I do love me some big epic tracks and this is no exception!

3. Carly Rae Jepsen - Party For One

Youtube // Spotify

Carly continues to tease us with the promise of a new album, but in the meantime she gives us little droplets of single releases to tide us over in the long droughts. After Cut To The Feeling last year we got this infectious poppy single about being able to support yourself, not needing anyone else, how it’s ok to spend some time on your own...ok it’s about wanking, but like the Hailee Steinfeld track of three years ago it’s a great song regardless of subject matter!

2. Selena Gomez - Back To You

Youtube // Spotify

My love of this song is frequently used against me in arguments about my bias towards female singers, as “if Ed Sheeran sang it instead [I’d] hate it!” Well, probably, but as it was released by a different friend of Taylor (a description that sounds vaguely euphemistic, like “friend of Dorothy” but less stigmatised) it’s regularly made it onto my playlists this year. A lovely, pleasant acoustic ballad that’s good enough to make me forget that it’s probably written about Justin Bieber. Video’s good, too.

1. Hailee Steinfeld - Capital Letters

Youtube // Spotify

Hailee has been quietly putting out some bangers throughout the year, and coupled with a stellar performance supporting Katy Perry makes me think she’s not just doing this music career as a side gig. Despite being released at the start of the year this song has a nice uplifting vibe that would’ve made it a perfect summer song, so I kept listening to it throughout the year to fit it in with the seasons. It’s also another example of a film soundtrack that’s far better than the film it’s promoting (see also: the other 50 Shades films, Vampire Academy, Twilight, Hunger Games...I’m not sure what it says about me that YA adaptations have soundtracks that really click with me).

#best songs

[thetruecaptain-blog]

“Get us to Tycho, and you never have to see my face again.” Naomi Nagata in episode 3x01

Look. Look. I am upset. I am sad. I am angry. I am a lot of things.

I have a lot of feelings to unpack here, so this might be long. Possibly rambly. Also some book spoilers maybe?? Read at your own risk lol! 

It is so, so hard seeing Naomi Nagata in this place as a character. Knowing what I do about her past in the books (and that it’s unlikely they’ll change the major details for the show), this episode hurt in more ways than one. 

First, can we talk about how Naomi basically spent the entire episode being ignored, ostracized, and steamrolled by the male crew members? I get that it’s not about sexism, but still. It was very difficult seeing Naomi - the only woman, a person of color, and a Belter to boot - being walked all over. She had no voice in this episode, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. 

I get that the others are upset. I understand why they’re upset. I’d be pissed as hell, too. Doesn’t justify the way they’re essentially marginalizing her, as if she hasn’t had enough of that her entire life simply because she was born in low-g. 

Naomi was wrong to lie to them all but you know what, as big as her betrayal was, Alex, Amos, and Jim are guilty of betraying her, too. She broke their trust, but they broke hers first by never giving her the benefit of the doubt or even letting her speak in the first place. Doesn’t justify what she did but the point is that everyone on that crew is at fault for the current situation and no one is owning up to it. Not even Naomi - in her entire speech to Jim at the end of season 2 about why she made the decision that she did, she never once apologized or acknowledged her betrayal or how much it must have hurt him. So yeah, the crew as a group just owes each other one giant fucking apology at this point. 

I have many feelings on that final scene where Jim was going on about Io, but I think I’m going to save that for when I do his gifset. 

For Naomi’s part, I think she desperately wants the crew to get back to Tycho because right now she feels like they’re sitting ducks. The longer they’re out there, the bigger the risk. She doesn’t want to sacrifice the crew for what she sees as a very tiny chance of rescue - if there’s even any chance at all. 

Out of the four of them, Naomi is the only one who understands what Prax is going through right now - the desperation, the not knowing, the guilt that he should have been there and done better and done more to keep his daughter safe. Naomi knows, and she also knows how fixating on the search just leads to a deep, dark hole of despair and self-blame. She doesn’t want that for Prax, she wants him to move on, she doesn’t want him to end up in the same place she did. Those of us who have read the books know just how dark Naomi’s life became before she managed to get herself out. She says herself in the books that she was like a wolf in a trap that had to chew off its own paw to survive. Of course she doesn’t want to see Prax go through that.

I will say that I think Jim would be handling this (and Naomi) differently if he knew about her past. But of course Naomi isn’t going to bring that up because the past belongs in the past and she worked so hard to escape it in the first place. And how would Jim react to knowing that she has so much innocent blood on her hands, and why? With disgust? Worse - with pity? She’s not going to open up about that, especially not now.

I’m just so sad for Naomi and I really hope the crew works things out in the next few eps. Right now I’m counting on Alex to be the one who forces them all to sit down and talk it all through, because Jim is too busy fixating on his next cause and Amos is following Jim’s lead because suddenly he can’t trust Naomi anymore. 

This episode was just painful and wonderful and what a fantastic and emotional opening to the season!

#why is the lighting so hard for these gifs like #it's either super red or super blue and there's just no in between #pls #the expanse #the expanse discussion #the expanse season 3 spoilers #nemesis game spoilers #sort of #naomi nagata #nic edits #gifset

[jamesholden]

first aid

I said I would write a fic of Naomi helping Holden clean up after getting his face busted and so here it is. It’s kind of a reflection on where Naomi was and is at over what’s been happening and this beginning of a thaw from him and I missed finishing something about these two that’s short so here we go. it’s a mix between missing scene and changed context of a scene. I also included one of my favorite small Nolden interactions from the books heheheh. 

super special thanks to @thetruecaptain for reading through it and taking many excerpts and giving me insight i didn’t think of to develop some of the internalized bits. Also teaching me what grin actually means.

You can also find it on AO3, where you can leave a review if you so feel.

Thanks! Enjoy!

“Ow.”

Naomi’s heading back to Ops when she hears it. A pitiful groan and a heavy sigh coming from the med bay. Sounds she’s heard before from the same room. In the same voice. Her chest tightens.

A few weeks previously, Naomi wouldn’t hesitate to step into Holden’s least favorite room on the Roci to help erase his pain. After the days of his recovery from Eros, the terrifying hours of unconsciousness after the monster attack… her first instinct had always been to make sure he’s okay. But with this rift between them, hurt she can’t fix with a bandage or medication… there’s a hesitation. She’s a bit ashamed of it, of the small voice telling her not to help him. After everything that happened with the Kittur survivors, it has gotten quieter. But it’s still there. The walls he built between them made it too strong to completely erase.

Jim curses softly, a hiss barely audible over the hum of the Roci. The Pinus Contorta. Still loud enough to drown out that small voice. She takes a breath and steps into the med bay.

He doesn’t notice her. He’s sat in one of the chairs—the one he’s almost died in twice—with a mirror pulled right up to his face, studying the bloody mess of his nose.

When Jim had stepped onto Ops, rifle in hand and cold anger writ plain on his face, worry had battled with relief in Naomi’s mind. His voice had been rough, thick. Blood coated his chin, his lips, the tip of his nose. She’d been held in place by a Martian child as a shield but it had been Jim she was worried about. She’d heard him telling Amos what had happened as he helped Bobbie with Alex in the immediate aftermath. That he’d taken multiple punches to the face grappling with the Martian who had been in the other chair until they moved him to a bunk to get proper rest. Jim had waited until Alex had been tended to until taking care of his bloody, bruised mess of a face.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?”

It isn’t until Jim pulls the mirror away from his face, staring at her, that she realizes she’d spoken. She swallows, waiting for him to clear his throat, turn away, ignore her. But he doesn’t. He just stares, brows drawing together in confusion. Naomi’s lips twitch and she shrugs.

“Saving people. You just can’t stop yourself.”

Jim blinks, relaxes back into the chair. All the air seems to leave him. All the tension. Naomi’s heart hammers in her chest. She has his attention. He isn’t shrugging her off. He isn’t ignoring her. He’s waiting. Listening. For the first time in weeks, hope unfurls in her heart.

Naomi had been hurt, but not surprised by his outburst in Ops, before the attempted mutiny. His quiet in the weeks since she’d told him had been almost worse than if he’d yelled at her. At least then she would have had an idea of what he had been feeling. From the beginning, he hadn’t done a single thing that threw what she’d done in her face at her, even when he told her to take the Razorback. It had to come to an end eventually. Trust for Jim has become a raw nerve. Nearly as much as the protomolecule had been.

Naomi had scorned Jim on Tycho, back when—unknowingly —he’d done the same thing she had. He’d hidden what Cortazar knew. He’d planned to kill him. His motivation for doing so has been weak. But he’d told her. He’d told her as soon as she knew. She’d projected her anxiety and fear and frustration at him for silencing her, for forcing her to hide the protomolecule, onto an omission he’d owned up to. He had no idea. And he’d promised not to do so again.

Naomi hadn’t trusted Jim with the same truth. She hadn’t trusted him and Alex and Amos to make the right decision with their sample. How could she? They had no idea what it was like to live on the end of the Inner’s gun, waiting for the hammer to fall on the Belters who just wanted to live and work. They’d never understand and they hadn’t even tried to. So she couldn’t trust that he’d been right. She couldn’t trust him. And she hid it.

Naomi had played him a simulation and let him believe that she’d done what they’d agreed on for weeks. She’d deceived him. No matter how justified her reasoning, no matter how strongly she knows she’d made the right decision… She'd deceived him to his face and hid the truth for weeks. That she didn’t tell him any part of what she’d done or why until she’d almost lost him makes it worse for her.

Jim had been so… angry. Determined. Righteous. So set on his course that nothing any of them had done would have set him off it. He’d just rolled over all of them more than once. So many times Naomi thought she could tell him. After Tycho, until he told off Fred and got them kicked off station. As they toured the devastation of Ganymede, until he’d let Amos beat that hacker. When she was planning to leave him to help Melissa, until he let that scientist die. She’d been steamrolled before. She’s been treated like her feelings, her beliefs don’t matter. Even though Jim hadn’t been that man, it sent her back to places she’d never wanted to see again. So she didn’t tell him. In case he was that man.

When she finally got to see the man she’d… When she finally saw the Jim she’d known, it was too late. She’d already done it. And when she’d almost lost him, to a fucking crushed leg and a fucking protomolecule monster—knowing that he almost died alone with the thing he feared most again—and he still hadn’t known… she told him.

That is what hurts him. That’s what exposed the nerve. That Jim doesn’t know if she ever would have told him the truth otherwise. That’s what really hurts her. That she doesn't know either.

Before Naomi can think about it, she’s crossing the room. The coppery scent of his blood and the blood of those Martian kids clogs her own nose. She still walks with a hesitation, slowly moving closer to him. She watches his face. The confusion slips, but he doesn’t move. He still waits. When she’s in front of him, she slips her hands under his jaw, tips his head up. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t pull away from her touch. Naomi’s heart beats faster. She avoids his eyes for the moment, taking in the damage the Martian had done to him.

Despite her pressing that nerve and him snapping at her, when they’d needed him, when she needed him… Jim still came. And when the ensign had let her go, she’d run to him. Stood behind him absorbing every threat he threw at them if they’d hurt Alex. But he hadn’t carried any of them out. He’d let Bobbie get through to them. Part of her wondered if he’d even loaded the rifle, with the alert sent out to Amos. He isn’t the ruthless man he’s played at after Eros. He isn’t a cold murderer. He isn’t manipulative, self-serving. He isn’t the man she was afraid he was becoming. The man that dark voice tried to convince her he is.

He’s still just Jim. He still saved them. Still saved her.

Naomi meets his eyes again. “Thank you.”

Jim gazes up at her. Slowly, he softens. He shoulders relax. Even his mouth—lips colored dark red by flaking blood—relaxes, opening as if he’s about to say something. He tilts his head in her hands, studies her face.

The corners of his lips quirk ever so slightly. Not quite a smile. But something still… tender. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Naomi’s heart stops. Her breath hitches. It’s… more than she expected. She hadn’t expected much at all, but… His words had been barely more than a whisper, but they’d been filled with so much emotion that they resonated in the quiet med bay and her own mind. That dark voice rallies against it. She smiles back at him, just a bit wider than he had.

He’s just saying that, the voice says, faded more than the whispers off Eros. That’s what they do, charm you back to them. Why are you giving him a chance to hurt you again?

Because I love him. Her tone is defiant. Confident. This is Jim and Jim isn’t him and I love him and I think he still loves me.

The voice shrinks back. And goes away. She can breathe now. She can focus.

“Let’s survey the damage then.”

The Martian Jim had wrestled with had done his best to reconfigure Jim’s face. He hadn’t come out nearly as bloody as Jim, but given that he’d lost the fight, Naomi can forgive it. She carefully turns Jim’s face this way and that, trying to ignore the burn of his eyes on her. His nose is swollen, the dark bruising and blood a macabre contrast to his pale skin.

“How many hits did he land?”

Jim sighs. “Two direct hits. He had good aim for someone punching over his shoulder while getting choked out.”

Aside from the “clogged-nose” quality of his voice, he sounds a little fuzzy, likely a mix of exhaustion and pain medication that she’s heard in his voice before. A pang hits her chest at the thought. Would he ever get to rest without some sort of injury involved? Not that an injury has ever actually stopped him before. Death couldn’t stop him. But she drowns that thought in his current, relatively minor injury.

Naomi hums, her thumbs moving up to press gently against the bridge of his nose. Jim hisses. “Sorry,” she whispers, but Jim shakes his head just enough to not dislodge her hands.

“It’s nothing I haven’t done myself,” he attempts to assure her, another small smile lighting his bloody face. “What’s the verdict?”

Naomi releases him, the med bay air cooling the warmth his skin left behind on her palms. “It’s definitely broken, which I think you’ve likely guessed.” She turns to the table beside his chair, tearing open a pack of cleaning wipes. “It’ll be crooked without some cosmetic surgery. But you were too pretty before anyway. It’ll give your face more character.”

Jim laughs, something he immediately regrets based on the hitch in his breathing and the soft “ouch” he utters under his breath. Naomi smiles. She takes a wipe out of the pack and turns back to him. His eyes are back on her face. She gestures up. “All right, Captain. Let’s get you cleaned up and somewhat presentable.”

Jim gets the hint and tips his head up. Naomi takes his jaw in her hand and starts cleaning around his mouth and chin. She’d rather give the painkillers a little more time to kick in before prodding at his nose again. She’s still careful, mindful of any other bruising or cuts hidden beneath the blood. Pouring every ounce of affection she’s had to hold back into this now familiar routine. She glances up at his face to find his eyes closed, his face completely relaxed.

Trusting her completely.

She resists the part of her that wants to lean in and kiss him, blood be damned. He might not be ready, and pushing it won’t get them anywhere. She’ll take what he’s ready to give, and give him everything he’ll take.

It takes two wipes to clean the lower half of Jim’s face. It’s likely it’ll take a good shower or a fresh shave to get all of it, but she’ll leave that to him. Jim flinches at the first touch to his nose. Naomi shushes him, brushes her thumb along his jawline. He sighs. Nods. She sets to work. She puts absolute care into wiping away the blood without pressing hard enough to hurt. It’s so red that for a moment she scrubs at a spot that’s already clean because she couldn’t tell the colors apart. She uses an extra wipe to dab the lines of both cheeks before pulling back to take a look at her work.

“You’re going to have some nasty bruises and discoloration for a few days,” she muses. He blinks his eyes open, and she gives him a smile and taps his jaw. “But for now, you’re fine. If anything changes...”

Naomi winces and trails off. Let me know. She isn’t sure he will. She isn’t sure he’ll take care of himself at all outside of injecting painkillers and drinking coffee, let alone as her to take care of him. She turns away, tossing the soiled wipes in the recycler and moving to wash his blood off her hands. She nearly jumps when she hears his voice.

“I’ll let you know.”

Naomi takes a breath and glances at him over her shoulder. She catches his eyes on her just as he’s averting his gaze, moving to stand. Caught, even if he doesn’t know it. “Do you… want me to help you to your cabin?” Our cabin.

Jim pauses, considering. But when he looks at her he looks apologetic. “No, thank you. I’m fine. I think Avasarala wants me in the galley for something anyway.”

The expression on his face, the genuineness in his “I’m fine” compared to the hostile, shutting out tone he’d used about his leg, keeps her heart from sinking. It’s still something. There’s still hope. That, and the mention of their VIP passenger raises bitterness in her instead. “Well, when her highness has finished with you, get some rest. Okay?”

She expects him to roll his eyes. To huff and tell her to be nice and leave. But he smiles.

“You got it. I’ll get some rack time in. You do the same.”

With that Jim leaves, his boots scuffing down the corridor to the ladder.

Naomi stares at the spot he’s vacated for a solid minute before actually moving to the sink. Yes, there’s hope. And she’s going to hang onto that for a while. It’s all she has left.

For now.

#the expanse #naomi nagata #jim holden #nolden #expansefic #noldenfic #shanfics

[coco-little-rose]

Proto!Miller is really weird but the actor is doing so well in the role. The Roci is so lucky to have Amos, he was the only one to believe Jim. He was also the first one to warn Alex because he thought jim was becoming crazy. 

It was good to see Julie’s backgroud, since season 1 I was wondering what kind of relationship she had wih her father. She was right about him. It’s sad for Melba but it doesn’t excuse what she did. Melba has a lot of flash-back I don’t know if it’s normal or if it’s a manifestation of proto!Julie ? She needs to see what kind of bad person her father was and how he experimented on his own daugher and on Belter childs.

The relationship between Naomi and Drummer was very well writen. Naomi is mad but I don’t believe their friendship is over for good. The episode 9 prove it, Drummer was really sad to lost Naomi. She was disappointed Naomi choose to leave but she respected her choice. Drummer is in a complicated position: she has to rule a ship, she can’t take the personnal matter of people working for her. She’s also friend with Naomi and she trusts her. Naomi was one of the few people she could trust. With the decision to fire the Roci, Drummer was torn between listening a friend or doing the best for her crew. I think Naomi understands but she’s more emotional than Drummer. She has personal involvement There is a lot of parallels between Drummer and Naomi, I think Naomi follows her heart when Drummer choose to stay logical. It’s two very different way and I don’t think both can work at the same place and at the same time.

When Drummer decided to space the dealer, Naomi was already disagree. She knew the drug traffic has to stop but she had mixed feelings about Drummer’s solution. This time, Asford solved the problem and saved the dealer. Everyone was scared of Drummer. What if Asford wasn’t on the ship ? I don’t feel like Naomi would have do something. Drummer could have been more extreme  and even if it wasn’t for The Roci, at some point Naomi would have been strongly disagree with Drummer. 

Naomi and Drummer are friend they understand each other, they trust each other but they are opposite about the way of leading people. This dissent is very subtle because it’s not like Fred Johnson and Andrew Dawes’s antagonism, but it doesn’t mean it’s not significant.

I’m not sure if my post is clear but it’s late and I want to publish it ^^

#The expanse #season 3 #3.09 #spoilers #Naomi Nagata #camina drummer #jim holden #melba

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Getting To Know...

Elle Baez.

Emerging Latina singer-songwriter Elle Baez has today released her debut EP, Bold Soul. After an exciting 2021, Elle is ready to end the year with a bang.

Elle has quickly become a voice for women everywhere with her raw delivery of beautiful pop-soul vocals that paint a strikingly vulnerable portrait of her life. She empowers and inspires others through her captivating hooks, versatile writing style, and motto of self-love. Her ethos is simple: be you, be sexy, and above all, be confident. Elle mixes her advocacy and storytelling  with rich soundscapes that use elements of pop, latin, r&b, jazz, and funk to create a sound that is uniquely her own.

Elle began making music to break the stereotype she found herself constantly placed in by the industry. Elle’s debut EP perfectly encapsulates her journey thus far; from heartbreak, self-love, confidence, and finding her own voice. It is all about being bold and following your soul. Bold Soul showcases Elle’s range through powerhouse vocals and honest songwriting; from Latin RnB in 'My Type', to commercial pop in 'Stereotype' to the cinematic ballad in the lead single for the project 'Everyone Else'.

We were lucky enough to have a chat with the rising star all about Bold Soul, her influences, upcoming EP release show and more! Read the Q&A below.

Hi Elle! How are you? Let's start at the beginning..what was it that led you to make music? Who were you influenced by growing up?

"Hi! I’m great - so excited to be talking with you. My dad was a DJ back in the ‘70s so I grew up in a household full of music!! I started singing when I was around 3 years old and I never stopped. I would hear so many different types of music like latin, jazz, funk, soul and pop growing up. I would often sing along to big powerful belters like Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson and Demi Lovato. I started writing songs too from a young age but never took it too seriously. I would write full length musicals and cast all my cousins in the shows on holidays. As I got older, I really fell in love with r&b music and artists like Kehlani and Jojo too!! I would say my sound is pop/r&b with flairs of latin, jazz, funk and soul."

You've just released your debut EP Bold Soul. What is the story behind the EP and what do you hope listeners take away from it?

"Yes! My debut EP Bold Soul is all about being bold and following your soul. During the pandemic, I have taken time developing my songwriting and who I am as an artist. The EP takes us into my many worlds. There’s r&b bops, radio pop bangers, and soulful ballads. I even have a feature from up and coming rapper “Peachkka” on it. I hope listeners can experience Bold Soul and leave feeling empowered. It has taken me so long to allow myself the space to be seen and heard. Bold Soul is my official entrance into the music industry with my head held high and my versatility shining through."

Please take us through your creative process for Bold Soul. Which part did you enjoy the most and what about it did you find the most challenging?

"The first song I wrote on Bold Soul, which is fittingly the opening track, is called 'Come Back'. I think 'Come Back' perfectly encapsulates who I am as an artist. It's heart wrenching yet beautifully comforting and moving. After working on 'Come Back' and finding that sound, I started to work on more songs with my producer Tiger Darrow. The EP slowly came together over the course of a few months. Then, I began to prepare to release each single with a music video. I’ve released 4 of the tracks over the past 6 months and now it’s time for the finale!

"The last track on the EP 'Everyone Else' is fittingly the last because it is the first track I co-produced. I produced it on my own at first for the demo in my Berklee Music Course. As I developed it and recorded the vocals it turned into the cinematic emotive masterpiece it is now and I am so proud of it. The music video will be released on my birthday, November 28 and is my directorial debut."

You have the EP release show coming up on the 21st at the Bowery Electric. You must be so excited! What can we expect from an Elle Baez live show?

"Yes I am so pumped!!! The show will be hosted and opening by the incredible “Peachkka”! I will be singing all of my singles and the entire EP. I’ll also be having an exclusive pre-screening of the 'Everyone Else' music video.

"Elle Baez live shows are all about good vibes and self-love! When I perform, I give it my all and leave it all on the floor. I talk about body positivity and our inner AND outer beauty. I definitely love telling the full story and background of my songs to my fans to get them connected to their messages. I love talking to my fans and making them feel powerful!! Elle Baez live shows are a NIGHT OF FUN and CONFIDENCE!!!"

Finally, what are your plans for 2022?

"In 2022, I will be working on releasing more singles and concluding with my 2nd EP. Lots to come!!! I am also excited to be a songwriter for other artists and do collaborations on lots of more music."

Bold Soul is out now.

#getting to know #elle baez #bold soul

[brigdh]

Reading Saturday

Nemesis Games by James S.A. Corey. Book 6 of The Expanse series. "I made my name with the story on the Behemoth. Aliens and wormhole gates and a protomolecule ghost that only talked to the most famous person in the solar system. I don't think my follow-up to that can be "Humans Still Shitty to Each Other". Lacks panache." That's Monica Stuart, a journalist looking for her next story, but it makes a fairly good summary of Nemesis Games as well – though I'd disagree about it lacking panache. After five books of zombie viruses and a vast galaxy of empty planets for the taking and physics-defying abandoned security systems, Nemesis Games features pretty much no alien content at all. Instead we have humanity reacting to these events, mostly in negative ways that feature them being, well, shitty to each other. The biggest reaction comes from the Belters, millions of humans born and raised in no-gravity or low-gravity. Those conditions have led to extremely low bone-mass (among other physical adaptations), which means all those new planets out there for the taking? The Belters won't be going to them, at least not without months or years of expensive medical therapy that's out of reach for most of them. They can see the future coming, and it's going to abandon them to poverty and irrelevance. They lash out with terrorist attacks on a scale grander than any before, as though enough violence will force humanity back to where it was before the first encounter with the alien protomolecule. That might be an impossible goal, but a hell of a lot of people are going to die anyway. Meanwhile, the spaceship Rocinante is in need of repairs, which means our four main characters are out of action for a few months. They take this opportunity to split up and visit family and old friends – Amos to Earth, Alex to Mars, Naomi to the Belt, and Jim stays with the ship at the repair station. Having separate plotlines means that each one gets their own POV, and you guys, I was so excited! I've been waiting to hear Naomi or Alex's voice since Book One, and this does not disappoint. Amos's narration was particularly well-written; he's a straight-up sociopath (though one who tries to do good nonetheless) and struggles to recognize emotions either in himself or in others, often defaulting to describing social situations as a set of maneuvers toward a desired outcome. It lends his POV a curiously flat tone, but one that is really interesting to read. The four crew members are still separated when the terrorist attacks begin, and most of the emotion in the book comes from them trying to desperately make their way back to one another. Each one thinks of the others as family, as home – this is such an absolute fantastic series for those Chosen Family feels – especially Jim, and who would have thought the boring action hero of Book One could become such an adorable softie? He spends a significant portion of this book being sad that no one will do the space-equivalent of texting him back, and I love him so much. Holden could sit at a tiny table skimming the latest news on his hand terminal, reading messages, and finally check out all the books he’d downloaded over the last six years. The bar served the same food as the restaurant out front, and while it was not something anyone from Earth would have mistaken for Italian, it was edible. The cocktails were mediocre and cheap. It might almost have been tolerable if Naomi hadn’t seemingly fallen out of the universe. Alex sent regular updates about where he was and what he was up to. Amos had his terminal automatically send a message letting Holden know his flight had landed on Luna, and then New York. From Naomi, nothing. She still existed, or at least her hand terminal did. The messages he sent arrived somewhere. He never got a failed connection from the network. But the successfully received message was his only reply. After a couple weeks of his new bad Italian food and cheap cocktails routine, his terminal finally rang with an incoming voice request. He knew it couldn’t be from Naomi. The light lag made a live connection unworkable for any two people not living on the same station. But he still pulled the terminal out of his pocket so fast that he fumbled it across the room. Each character gets to star in a very different genre within this one book: Jim himself is in a political thriller, trying to find the mole hidden in the security forces; Amos is making his way through a post-apocalyptic landscape; Naomi is in a prison-break movie; and Alex gets at least two extremely cool car chases (well, spaceship chases) between being a detective following the paper trail. All of them are great, but I think my favorite is Naomi's, which is an incredible depiction of the harm and suffocation of emotional abuse (gaslighting in particular) and the depression and learned helplessness that can result, especially when everyone around you sees nothing wrong. We get a lot more about her long-awaited backstory, as well as Amos's, and there are reappearances of a lot of my favorite secondary characters: Martian marine Bobbie, failed murderer Clarissa Mao, foul-mouthed politician Chrisjen Avasarala. (Though I'm still holding out hope Prax will show up again someday; I miss him.) All through The Expanse series I've admired Corey's focus on petty human squabbling and politicking in the face of grand, universe-changing discoveries. Nemesis Games is that thread turned up to eleven. It's not a cynical series, though; for every narrow-minded failure there's an equally small but important triumph of friendship or justice or well-meaning. It reminds me of Terry Pratchett, in a way. Not at all in Corey's style of writing or type of humor, but they both have a view of humanity which is simultaneously realistic and fond and exasperated. And if there's a bigger compliment than that, I don't know what it is. Artificial Condition by Martha Wells. Book 2 of the Murderbot Diaries. A security robot/cyborg armed with all sorts of guns and other methods of killing has hacked its governor module, allowing it to do whatever it wants, and nicknames itself Murderbot. But it turns out that what Murderbot really wants to do is spend hours watching dumb sci-fi TV shows, avoid eye contact or any social encounters with humans, and not have to deal with its own emotions. Unfortunately that last one is hard to avoid. In this book, Murderbot is heading to a mining planet where it knows something bad went down in its past, involving lots of human deaths. But Murderbot can't remember exactly what happened, since its memory was wiped, and so it's off to investigate. Getting to the planet means hitching a ride on a spaceship run by a massively complicated AI (which Murderbot promptly nicknames ART: Asshole Research Transport) and then getting a job as a human bodyguard to a group of scientists heading down to the planet's surface. Things, unsurprisingly, go wrong, and Murderbot finds itself with another pack of dumb humans in need of protection. I enjoyed Artificial Condition a lot, but it's not quite as good as the first book in the series, All Systems Red. Part of that is very simply that it's a middle book of the series, and it shows; progress in the larger plot is made, but not much, and there's a feeling of spinning our wheels while we wait for big events to happen. That said, it's still an extremely enjoyable novella (only about 120 pages), which builds out the world from what we learned in All Systems Red. Now we have sexbots and ship navigators, more about how different governments interact and function (or don't), and some hints as to what's going on with the company that created Murderbot. Plus there's Murderbot's wonderful narration, which honestly is worth the price of admission all on its own. A section from where it introduces ART to trashy entertainment: I watched seven more episodes of Sanctuary Moon with it hanging around my feed. Then it pinged me, like I somehow might not know it had been in my feed all this time, and sent me a request to go back to the new adventure show I had started to watch when it had interrupted me. (It was called Worldhoppers, and was about freelance explorers who extended the wormhole and ring networks into uninhabited star systems. It looked very unrealistic and inaccurate, which was exactly what I liked.) [...] “It’s not realistic,” I told it. “It’s not supposed to be realistic. It’s a story, not a documentary. If you complain about that, I’ll stop watching.” I will refrain from complaint, it said. (Imagine that in the most sarcastic tone you can, and you’ll have some idea of how it sounded.) So we watched Worldhoppers. It didn’t complain about the lack of realism. After three episodes, it got agitated whenever a minor character was killed. When a major character died in the twentieth episode I had to pause seven minutes while it sat there in the feed doing the bot equivalent of staring at a wall, pretending that it had to run diagnostics. Then four episodes later the character came back to life and it was so relieved we had to watch that episode three times before it would go on. At the climax of one of the main story lines, the plot suggested the ship might be catastrophically damaged and members of the crew killed or injured, and the transport was afraid to watch it. (That’s obviously not how it phrased it, but yeah, it was afraid to watch it.) I was feeling a lot more charitable toward it by that point so was willing to let it ease into the episode by watching one to two minutes at a time. After it was over, it just sat there, not even pretending to do diagnostics. It sat there for a full ten minutes, which is a lot of processing time for a bot that sophisticated. Then it said, Again, please. So I started the first episode again. C'mon, tell me you wouldn't read a million pages of that, plot or no plot.

[DW link for easier commenting]

#books #book reviews #james s.a. corey #martha wells #The expanse

[love-little-lotte]

Favorite Fantines

Hello! I haven’t posted something really good for a while, and I’m quite bored in the meantime. So, I decided I’d post some of my favorite Fantines in the critically acclaimed West End and Broadway musical, Les Miserables.

I’ve already done something like this with Christine Daae from The Phantom of the Opera. It was a really long time ago, and it was only a Top 10. This time, there would be no fixed numbers, and it won’t be in order. I’ll just mention some Fantines that I really like and explain why I like them and why I look up to them.

First up, we have Patti LuPone from the Original London Cast.

You can never really beat the original, can you? She set the tone for Fantine, being the original. I’ve seen a recording of her singing “I Dreamed a Dream” in YouTube and at first glance, I didn’t like her. I didn’t like the way she was singing it, but as time passed by, she became one of my favorite Fantines. I love her the original recording, especially in the “Epilogue.” Her voice is really soft and calming - something that I really want to hear in my Fantines.

Next in the list is Debra Byrne from the Original Australian Cast, and from the Complete Symphonic Recording. 

The first time I heard Debra Byrne’s voice singing the first notes of “I Dreamed a Dream” for the Complete Symphonic Recording, I fell in love. Her voice is soft and calming. And if you listen really closely, you will hear the anguish and desperation in her voice. I love her so, so, so much. And truly, one of the best Fantines that ever graced this Earth.

Now, let’s look at one of my favorite foreign Fantines with Pia Douwes from the 1991 Dutch Cast.

Hmm, how can you even begin to describe Pia Douwes? She’s super amazing. I first got to know her when I was making this comparison video of “I Dreamed a Dream.” I fell in love with her rendition. While Debra Byrne’s version is filled with anguish, Pia Douwes sounded innocent. She brings out the innocent side of Fantine. Take note that Fantine was really young when she got her heart broken and had Cosette, and through Pia Douwes, you can totally understand that. Since then, I’ve been a fan of hers. She also dubbed some Disney characters! 

Now we have Ruthie Henshall, who’s popularly known to be the Fantine in the 10th Anniversary Cast. 

The 10th Anniversary Cast of Les Mis is my favorite cast and recording of all time. And this is also because of Ruthie Henshall. She’s my second favorite Fantine, but she’s really close to my first one. She’s perfect in every way. I particularly love her in the “Fantine’s Arrest” because you can totally hear her anger and then desperation. You totally can’t have a Favorite Fantine list and not include Miss Henshall.

Also coming from the West End is Joanna Ampil.

Joanna Ampil is truly one of the best Fantines I’ve ever seen. Her “I Dreamed a Dream” was totally heartbreaking, and I love every minute when she’s onstage. I’ve only seen a bootleg of her, and honestly, it made me want to watch her live. It kind of bugs me whenever people bring up talented Filipinos in the West End stage and they don’t include her. She’s super underrated, and really, really good. 

And of course, we have one of my favorite Elphabas, Kerry Ellis from the West End. 

I could confidently say that I like watching Kerry Ellis perform Fantine rather than Elphaba. I love her Elphaba, but I love her Fantine more. I love her belts during “I Dreamed a Dream.” It didn’t seem forced, and it just came out naturally. She is utterly amazing and I would really love to see her as Fantine again. Any chance of that happening soon?

And of course, we have another fan-favorite, Lea Salonga, who performed the role during the 2006 Broadway Revival and the 25th Anniversary.

The 2006 Broadway Revival casting choice for Fantine was at first questionable. Who in the right mind would cast Daphne Rubin Vega for it? She wasn’t fit for the role, to be honest. They should’ve just went for Lea Salonga or Judy Kuhn immediately. But hey, that’s just my opinion. 

I’m such a huge fan of Lea Salonga, so needless to say, she’s my favorite Fantine. I love her emotion and her acting whenever she’s onstage. She totally owned the role of Fantine, especially in the 25th Anniversary. She may be quite (dare I say it?) overrated. There are times when I listen to her and be like, her again? Meh. But when I actually watch her in the performance again, I remember how she’s so good and perfect. She’s the Fantine! And I honestly will do everything just to see her play in the role again in the future! 

By the way, have you heard the recording when she infamously swore during “Fantine’s Arrest”? 

Speaking of the 25th Anniversary, we have Madalena Alberto from the UK Tour! 

She. Is. Gorgeous. And talented as heck, too! In my opinion, she definitely looks the part. She’s how I imagined Fantine, even when I was reading the Victor Hugo novel. I love her Fantine, and is truly one of my very favorites. My favorite part of her Fantine is her “Come To Me” because that’s tear-jerking as heck and she’s such a good actress. I don’t see why she’s such an underrated Fantine? She’s in Spotify for goodness sake, so check that version out! 

Betsy Morgan was also casted as Fantine in the 25th Anniverary Tour all the way from the US.

I first knew her from The Little Mermaid when she was understudying Sierra Boggess. Even then, she was super amazing! Betsy truly gave her all as Fantine. At first, she might look like a normal Fantine, but as I reviewed her performance, I came to really love her so much! She can belt, she can act, and damn, she can make you feel.

Another favorite foreign Fantine! Here’s Edyta Krzemien from Poland.

I haven’t seen a video of her (is there an available bootleg? Please do tell me!) but it was enough for me to really love her voice. Her “I Dreamed a Dream” was so powerful. I was actually skeptical before listening to her as Fantine. I wasn’t a big fan of her Christine Daae, but damn, she is such a good Fantine! If you’re not into listening to foreign songs, better listen to her. She might change your mind.

But great Fantines can’t be only seen onstage. In 2012, Tom Hooper directed the film version of Les Mis, and it had Anne Hathaway playing Fantine.

YES! She was a really great Fantine, and she truly deserved that Oscar. Her “I Dreamed a Dream” alone is an Oscar-worthy performance. Her angst and desperation was clearly shown in “Fantine’s Arrest” and she truly gave one of the most heartbreaking scenes during “Lovely Ladies.” She was honestly superb, and she truly shined in the role. Even though she was only onscreen for a few minutes, I left the theatre with her performance still in mind. And that’s how you make a great Fantine, everyone.

Let’s go back to stage Fantines: Celinde Schoenmaker from the West End. 

Before she was an incredible Christine Daae, she was an incredible Fantine. Her rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” is one of my favorites. She’s also one of my favorite musical theatre actresses of all time. Her belting is astounding, as well as her acting. Just like Madalena Alberto, she has a sweet, sweet face that really suits Fantine. Her “Come To Me” and “Epilogue” scenes are really amazing too! I have nothing to say anymore. Just go to YouTube and listen to her. You’ll see what I mean.

Last but not the least is Rachelle Ann Go from the West End and the recent Asian Tour.

Though I’ve only seen her “I Dreamed a Dream” and only listened to audios of her other songs, I love her. I can totally feel her emotion whenever she sings, and she’s an amazing belter. Her voice is crystal clear, and there’s no doubt how talented she is. She’s a very powerful actress, and a great casting choice for Fantine. Hope to hear more about her in Hamilton!

#favorite fantines #fantine #les miserables #west end #broadway #musical #patti lupone #debra byrne #pia douwes #ruthie henshall #joanna ampil #kerry ellis #lea salonga #madalena alberto #betsy morgan #edyta krzemien #anne hathaway #celinde schoenmaker #rachelle ann go

[shouldimarrykocoum]

Anastasia Broadway Soundtrack Thoughts

I wrote this months ago before the album was released and it has been rotting in my drafts ever since……

The whole album can be streamed here for the meantime and I am just so happy!! Been waiting so long, heh.

In My Dreams - GUUUURL this my jam!! This is such a perfect song for Christy Altomare!!! I’m so happy they gave her this! I was a bit sad that she’s not a strong belter as I expected BUT DIS GURL CAN EMOTE. I’ve watched clips of her performance and she delivers!! This is such a perfect “this is me and my dreams” song. When TheatreMania released the one-minute preview I would replay it over and over. GIRL SLAY. I’m moved, and I’m just listening to this through a computer.

The Neva Flows - It’s an okay enough song and Ramin does give it justice. “The Neva flows, a new wind blows, and soon it will be spring. The leaves unfold, the Tsar lies cold. Could I have pulled the trigger if I’ve been told?” Interesting conflict here. He’s haunted by the murder by his father? I’m guessing he’s torn between his father’s son and being a good comrade and doing what he thinks is right. I can’t tell much from the soundtrack alone. 

My Petersburg - I grew up… in the Roxbury slums. CHS hahaha Derek Klena MY LOVE! His voice always sounds so charming. Fun song with a catchy tune, but I find myself getting lost in his voice instead of actually listening hahahaha.

Stay, I Pray You - FUCK. This is so beautiful and I’m tearing up just listening to it at home in my desk. “I’ll bless my homeland ‘til I die.” I can relate so much. One can’t help but be a little sentimental. I love the place I was born, there will never be anything like this place. Wherever I go, I’ll bless my homeland ‘til I die.

We’ll Go From There - I love this little tune!! It’s been playing in my head for the past few days. :)

Journey To The Past - CHRISTY ALTOMARE DESERVES ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN LIFE

#anastasia #broadway #anastasia broadway #christy altomare #derek klena #ramin karimloo #thoughts